#whew. emotions amirite

[sagesolsticewrites]

touchstarved | Austin Butler x gn!reader

a/n: i was feeling incredibly touchstarved tonight and… this was the result dkfjadkfjh 

Word count: 942

Warnings: touch starvation, implications of depression?, reader is Not Doing Great mentally tbh (but it’s okay! happyish ending!!), would this qualify as hurt/comfort?? idk dkjghsdkh, I think that’s it? As always, please let me know if I missed anything!

Please like/rb if you enjoyed! 🤍

Masterlist | add yourself to my taglist!

day 59 since Austin had left for Australia.

nearly two months since you’d felt his arms around you at the airport, warm whispers in your ear of see you soon and i love you and get home safe and i’ll call you the second i land.

and he had. in fact, he had been diligent about calling you nearly every day, even if it was just for a few minutes, just to hear your voice, and sending you good morning, sweetheart and sweet dreams, beautiful texts across the 18-hour time difference between the two of you.

but none of that changed the fact that he wasn’t here to hold you, kiss you, hug you, and you hated it.

if you were honest, you hated yourself a little bit for feeling this way. this was the biggest break of his career, and you were feeling sorry for yourself because you wanted a hug?

but it was more than that. you hadn’t been very affectionate with anyone before Austin, but in the past year or so of dating him, you’d gotten used to having someone to hold hands with as you were walking down the street, to hug when you got home from work, to cuddle with as you watched a movie. you thought you’d be fine while he was gone — you’d been fine before, hadn’t you? — but every time you woke up to his side of the bed being cold, every time your hand dangled at your side, empty, on the way back from your favorite coffee shop, every time you found yourself hugging a pillow during your solo movie nights… you felt like you were missing something essential to you.

touchstarved.

you had come across the term on some social media or other and though you hadn’t quite admitted that that’s what you were feeling, you quietly did some research and invested in a weighted blanket, a body pillow, and some face masks for when you needed a self-care day. 

and they did help, at least for a while. but some part of your brain was frustratingly insistent that nothing was going to help like Austin actually being here was.

he won’t be back for a while, you mentally retorted, shifting under the weighted blanket and hugging the stuffed elephant Austin had gifted you on your birthday even closer, so deal with it.

it was at that moment you heard what sounded like keys jangling at your door.

you froze. you definitely weren’t expecting anyone. was someone breaking in?!

You carefully sat up, dropping the stuffed animal as your hand crept towards the baseball bat you had ready near your bedside table. should you call the police? you wondered, but as you experimentally tapped your phone, it stayed dark. dead.

steeling yourself, you tiptoed out to the living room. better to try to catch them before they took anything, you figured.

you still heard something jangling at the door — had whatever they were using to try to pick the lock gotten stuck? — so it seemed like you had the upper hand for now. adjusting your grip on the bat, you readied yourself as the knob finally turned and—

the bat slipped from your hands, clattering onto the floor as you tried to process Austin walking through the door, the excited smile on his face slipping towards a look of concern.

“hey— woah, honey… Y/N, sweetheart, is everything okay?”

“i… i thought you were someone trying to break in,” you respond numbly, blinking repeatedly as if to assure yourself that this was real, “what… are you doing here?”

“i wanted to surprise you,” your boyfriend replies with a sheepish grin, closing the door behind him and turning back to you with his hands raised in innocence, as if to show you he means no harm. he takes a step forward as he continues explaining, “we were a little ahead on filming, so Baz gave us a little break—“

that one small step, though, was enough to snap you out what whatever spell you were under, and his explanation is cut short as you crash into him, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his warm sandalwood scent that had slowly been fading from your pillows.

“i missed you,” you whisper against his skin, so soft that he doesn’t hear so much as feel your lips forming the words on his neck. you feel yourself shaking slightly, and under normal circumstances you’d be more than a little embarrassed, but right now you don’t care because he’s here, real and warm and solid underneath you.

“i missed you, too, sweetheart,” he chuckles in reply, though it’s tinged with worry as he feels you trembling. “hey, you okay?” he murmurs, moving to pull away so he can see your face, gauge how okay you really are.

but you don’t let him, your only reply being a nod of your head into the crook of his neck and a tightening of your arms around him, blinking back the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as it hits you just how much you needed this. he relaxes, seeming to recognize that he won’t be escaping the circle of your arms anytime soon, instead pulling you closer and murmuring soft i love yous and i missed yous into your ear.

he can ask you about how you’re feeling later — because clearly this goes deeper than a normal long-distance trip — but for now he lets himself relax into your arms, trying to make up for the nearly two month’s worth of hugs that he’s missed from you.

[bengiyo]

Last Twilight Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Mhok took Day’s teasing that he has no tenderness in him as a personal challenge, and spent the entire episode flirting with Day through all of Day’s other senses.  Meanwhile, we ran into Gee, who was a friend Day had through badminton. Day managed to reconnect with her and hang out with some of his team members (but not August). Meanwhile, Porjai broke up with that cheating fiancé of hers, but not before he and Mhok got into another fight. We also learned that Porjai is pregnant, and is going to be staying with Mhok for now. Everyone kept saying how hot Mhok is, and after flirting with Day constantly, Day decided to sneak next to Mhok at night and look at his face.

It’s early and Mhok is already starting.

Oh ho! We’re playing around with honorifics again.

This breakfast scene is great. Day got himself up, made his own jellied bread, and didn’t balk at posting a picture to Facebook about it. It’s a good sign that he’s moving back into interactions with others.

Wait, why are we back to reading the book? I thought we were heading to the badminton match?

Oh, whew, it was a flashback providing some emotional context before we meet more people.

Okay, Day teaching Mhok how to comment on badminton is fun. He’s not an amateur, and Mhok doesn’t know the rules.

Film looks good.

I am a fan of sports. I was moved by Gee’s win and cried a little bit.

I love Mhok beginning to integrate into the banter with Gee.

Our first interaction with August and Day flees.

I’m loving this backstory. I am such a fan of sports drama.

Aof and his double entendres. “If you want to pick it up again, handle it with care.” I will fight him.

Thank you, Pride flag in the locker room, for letting us know there are gay stakes between Day and August.

Ohm Thipakorn is whipping extreme ass here with these eyes. You are upgraded from “Baby Ohm,” sir.

I am crying again because of the bonds between men. Even Mhok approves of August moving to singles rather than compete with someone else.

So, how mutual are the feelings between Day and August, and how much does the other know, because August took his hand in such a meaningful way before asking him out to dinner.

I’m with Mhok; I like him pushing Day to hang out with August.

Oh yes. It’s time for a practice date. We’ve gotten a few of these this year, and it hits every time.

Porjai ain’t shit, and she’s not gonna let Mhok go without getting a dig in.

I love how Mhok responds to all of Day’s teasing by going hard on the flirting.

This whole cake scene was cute as hell.

Oho, we’re getting back to the Night and Day stuff. Day thinks Mhok has also been fooled by Night.

Oh no. Please don’t spill water on yourself immediately and panic, Day.

It’s always 4:20 somewhere, amirite? (I don’t smoke)

Now where the fuck is August?

I’m glad Mhok stuck around to salvage this outing.

They went back to see if August ever arrived? I’m mad at August.

I AM LEANING IN. Day hadn’t confessed his crush on August, and today felt his heart break at some sort of final piece of reality he had to face.

August picked the most dramatic time to show up, and then just walked away after sensing something between Mhok and Day.

There’s so much going on! Mhok was about to admit his own feelings, but stopped because of August.

This was an excellent episode. I’m so proud of Ohm for being able to do more than just be adorable. We’ve got a great form of romantic angst here where the board isn’t completely set, but we know the players. These two definitely practiced a lot for this role. Jimmy has found his smolder.

[eveningspirit]

I love your answer and thank you for taking the time. It is way better. :D

I also wanted to write a detailed meta on the episode, but.. whew, where did this week go? So, well, I'll write it in answer to your meta. [Bear in mind that I've already watched episode two, so there may be mentions, but I'll try not to get too spoler-y (and then, we can talk about episode two in a separate post, amirite? because, in case you haven't seen it yet, it was A-mazing)].

Okay, so I was both excited and disappointed by the season premiere. I'll get back to that.

Last season, like I said -- I can forgive them not digging into the aftereffects of Adam getting shot, especially in light of those two episodes. The season was shortened and, it seems, they wanted to give this storyline justice, so they simply moved it to the current season (and that is exciting!).

The premiere episode was about Voight, yes, but it was also a reminder of all the roots of Adam's trauma. He was held at gun-point, just like in the finale of S10. The scene was very explicit with showing his reaction and me-guesses even casual viewers had to think back to that moment.

Still, if anyone missed it, he later told Martell "Not the first time I stared down the barrell." They couldn't be more obvious, yeah?

In the second episode we have yet another reminder of the scene between Adam and a ten-years-old boy aiming a gun at him, albeit not in as on-the-nose manner (this time someone else is at the fiery end of the gun and it ends well ;).

So, even though it's a season later, the writers have established that Adam was through trauma, and now he has a new, fresh trauma on top of it. Now we can get to the proper story about the aftermath of it all.

And gads, lemme tell you how happy I am about it. I love it, when they let PJ Flueger act. He's amazing (IMO), I have seen, like 95% of his other roles -- I do that for most actors whose characters I like -- and I loved them all. While, with others it's usually the character, that pulls at my strings, and actor's other roles don't do that to me. Also PJ Flueger is the ONLY reason I still watch Chi PD. So. This is going to be my season. ;)

Now, why disappointed? Well, I wrote this post a while ago (before S11). In short, I really, REALLY wanted Adam to suffer a physical injury from the shooting, preferably one that would force him to work behind the desk. I would love a storyline that would tackle the physical, AND emotional consequences of the shooting.

From what we got in the first two episodes of S12 it's obvious they will only go for the emotional consequences of trauma, so I'm like... "we could have had it all".

Well.

Still, what we're going to have may be great anyway, right? They may still pull him through a wringer, they may still have him unable to do field duty and force him to work closer with Trudy.

Or they may do something I don't expect, that will meet my expectations (which are high, lol).

Or. They may recycle yet another time one of those old post-trauma storylines, that had been told over and over again. Whatever. Even if they do, my baby Paddy will blow it out of the park, that at least I am sure of.

It was a great season premiere, right? First Adam was staring down the barrell of a gun, and that was A Scene. I held my breath through it all. Then her and his new partner talked about how she watched her partner die, and then... that ending! I kind of knew she was a goner, considering how much spoilers were about that other actress joining the team and nothing about her. But still, the way it happended, and the look on Adam's face? Brilliant. (btw, I'm still bitter his near-death experience only had a one-episode consequences last season, but it was a weird season, so I can forgive it, if they dig into it now ;)

OH it really, really was !!

When we got Adam staring down the barrel of a gun, I was like damn this season is starting off HOT and I thought that would be the peak of the amazingness of the episode. But no... we had THAT ending as well which was just...so fucking good for an ending.

I too knew something would be up with her, depending we had heard nothing about her, but damn, I did not think death (my brain also did forget reading the press release for ep2, otherwise it probably would've lmao) but even if I did, it DEFINITELY did not think like that.

That was cold, shocking to the system in such a very real fashion and oh so devastating for our poor boy Adam.

I really loved how they managed to settle her in within the episode, establish enough backstory and connection (especially to Adam) AND weave in the foreshadowing with the near miss and the talk of her old partner enough to actually make the death hard hitting even though we, the audience, only just met her but without overdoing it and making the episode really clunky, especially as the connection establishment was the b plot to the voight a plot.

And YES I am also still salty his shooting only got briefly touched upon last season but I'm thinking we're going to get something like we got for Kim -- a season later and the long term consequences are showing up, and I'll be really interested in seeing how the situation affects Adam differently.

And I love how the premiere already touched upon the affect of seeing your partner shot, through Adam's facing the gun (which the way he squared up to it even though now he KNOWS what it's like to feel your life fading?? Oof) and him checking on Emily after and now we get to see that becoming Adam's reality, with an extra helping of guilt because he got her into intelligence.

I am a little sad we don't get any Kim during episode 2 to see her being there to be an emotional rock for Adam, even if it's in the background (likewise that we didn't get to get a quick few seconds scene of Kim checking if Adam was a-ok himself after facing the gun this episode) but I think it's pretty clear this will be, or will lead into, Adam's storyline angst this season so hopefully while we won't get her this episode, we will get her later.

(Plus we've seen in the past with Adam that when things like this happen, in the immediate aftermath he likes to throw himself all in and just rage and dwell in his guilt and feelings so I kinda like we'll get to just focus on him this episode feeling all that to really explore how it feels to have your partner shot in the head right next to you).

But I do hope we at least get a mention of Kim (like Kim being that emotional rock for him despite being apart; which she still is because she knows the first hours are just going to be so hectic for Adam and he can't rest until at least initial justice is served for Emily and he'd want her to finish off because she can do all she can from there (except physical intimacy but yes it's different but he DOES still have Kev, and Trudy (and Mack) so he's not going to be deprived of a hug if he so needs it and he's going to be around people he has and can cry around if needed) and her coming home early may just add an unnecessary burden of guilt onto him some more - because we know our boy can really feel that guilt when he gets rolling.

And it's almost more powerful seeing how deep and secure and just loving their relationship is now that they can be there for each other without being in physical proximity. That Kim trusts him to not completely spiral, that they have a support system, that Adam KNOWS he'll get love and affection from Kim just the same even if it's days after the initial trauma so it's not a take this now or not get it at all situation.

I mean, that is, if they have Kim stay at the conference. They could just end up making her get stuck on her way home which is fine I guess.

ANYWAY sorry this took literally a whole week to get around to, I wrote up most of this last week but life really has gotten ahold of me and I didn't have the energy to complete it and I really wanted to make this a detailed answer to you, not just an 'i agree'. Better late than never?

Thank you for asking!!! 💞💞💞

[kingkatsuki]

Have you seen this comic before? I’m not entirely sure if it’s canon or not, but it cracked me up

Katsuki can act judgy all he wants; all I can think of is the recent marriage talk on your blog here recently. Like Mitsuki seems to be more comfortable/confident when it comes to emotional intimacy with others but could you imagine?

Katsuki’s head over heels for you, and he finds out you feel the same way?

Just the overly aggressive flirting. Whether he’s actually all that good at it or not, whew…that passion has gotta be intense.

Apparently it was successful on our ass, because it’s like we blink and we’re walking down the aisle towards him. And he looks way too fuckin’ smug. Our 0 to 100 boy amirite? 🙄 Always determined to win, and that includes winning us.

(Probably super OOC but just the possibilities have me giggling.)

Yeah!! It’s an official Omake, I’m not sure if it’s from the character analysis book or the weekly manga chapters but I just love the way Bakugou is like “so you suck at saying no” because he’s constantly saying no to the Bakusquad and they never take it as an answer? 😂😭💕

But his mum literally aggressively flirted with his dad to get him to go out with her so I feel like you’re right Bakugou would totally do the same sort of thing when he’s sure that you’re the right one for him? Plus, he’s probably awful at flirting which just makes it all that much better. Like, just imagine he’s doing what he thinks as flirting but it just comes across so overly aggressive and hostile but in his head he thinks it’s working😭

But on the other hand I can also see Bakugou liking someone that does the same thing to him? Like overly assertive women? So when you go over to him and you ask him if he wants to go for coffee and his immediate answer is “no” you’re like “great! Lemme grab my purse” and he’s just sat there like confused and flustered while he waits, and he can’t stop his body from following you to the coffee shop and taking a seat.

[eolewyn1010]

Second part of disgruntled Dracula recapping / commenting for today. Shit's about to get gory.

Jack, Arthur and Quincey went home together last night and had themselves a nice, traumatized little threesome. Or at least I assume so because my queer dreams joke is the only way of keeping me involved. By midday, it's back to the fuckery. They're all appropriately clad in black and return to the cemetery with a little more resolve, repeating their spiel of letting themselves be locked in after a funeral. Lucy is sleeping in her coffin and GAWD I wish Jack would stop talking about her "voluptuous mouth". It was already annoying when Jonathan did that with Dracula; now it's grating. Van Helsing gets on with prep and explains the methods he's using to the dude squad; at least all the research trips have paid out. I'm not sure where in Eastern Europe the "nosferatu" bit comes from as Stoker doesn't care to specify because he doesn't do research; I'm pretty sure it isn't Romanian though.

According to van Helsing, the kids haven't been drained to the threshold of vampirism and will heal once Lucy is dead for good (and her soul "with the other Angels", wtf, Stoker? that purity complex tho), so hurry it is. Now. Wasn't two nights ago, amirite? And van Helsing, resident shithead, actually makes Arthur do the thing. And convinces him that he'll fondly remember mutilating his fiancée's corpse, because, after all, this gruesome act was rescuing her soul and therefore the violence can't cause anything but happy, joyful memories! Fuck van Helsing. And fuck Stoker. What kind of logic is that? As van Helsing reads out a prayer for the dead, Arthur stakes a screeching, writhing, blood-frothing Lucy. This is terrible. Arthur did not have to go through this. None of them did, save van Helsing. It does turn Lucy back into a normal human corpse, but God, this scene. Good that Jack and Quincey take care of Arthur afterwards because van Helsing basically just goes "told ya so!" Yeah, and then Arthur is allowed to kiss a body that has been dead for nine days and has in the meantime drunk human blood and been frothing from the mouth a minute ago. Yummy.

Then it's sawing off the stake while leaving the point of it inside Lucy's body, chopping off her head, filling her mouth with garlic, re-sealing the coffin. Whew, this was a ride. We could have done this way back the night after she died. All of nature rejoices at this lovely morning, aaannnnd van Helsing signs the dude squad up for more trauma; he wants them to join the Harker half of the polycule and also the hunt for Dracula. He actively pressures them. Cool. Mina has wired van Helsing who has to drive home once more Stoker's point that Mina is the only woman in this world worth a damn. Since I have revoked his blorbo status on my blog already anyway, he gets a new nickname as author's avatar: van Hellstoker. He also gets to boss Jack around (sleep? emotional recovery? who needs those?). Jack is to study Jonathan's transcribed diaries to know what they're getting into. But first, he picks up Mina from the railway station. She gets a bedroom and an office at the asylum prepared for her, how lovely! Jack does what van Hellstoker couldn't be arsed to with the dude squad: He worries about potentially traumatizing Mina. Here's to some more wholesome interaction.

[swiss-army-wifes]

SASHA EPISODE!!! Thank you dads

“You lock up my goddamn family.” 🥺 Juno has a FAMILY guys 🥺🥺🥺🥰

I refuse to believe Nureyev is betraying them, not after all this #NoBetrayev

“What’s a war crime between friends, amirite?” The US government lmao

SORRY IS MICK DEAD WHAT. “Anyone still alive”???

Juno saying “whatever” after agreeing to a very serious deal is. extremely funny to me. I love this lady so much.

Also, I appreciate that everyone knows how good of a detective he is.

“She is something else.” Yes ma’am that’s my milf (lovingly) 😍😍

Also Sasha is so smart I’m SORRY

“Police state looks good on the old girl, doesn’t it?” God, I’m gay for Buddy Aurinko

MRS!!!! MRS AURINKO!!!!!!

Okay buddy is stressed and it stresses ME out

The way Juno softens when he says “Is he okay?”

Juno Buddy favorite pair

“She says the booze ruins the taste.” rita, ma’am,,,, please make me a cocktail

The way Sasha strategizes and utilizes her own emotions only to make her a better weapon.... 😳

“Some people never change.” SIKE (I’m calling it). you don’t even know the half of his change 🥲 (I love you Juno Steel)

Juno knows them. I’m soft.

Juno working through his emotions about Sasha and the layers of their current dynamic out loud is making me feel some type of way. She might have become manipulative and untrusting, but he’s not and determined not to be.

The way he says “class x radical” I’m-

(Once again, I know she’s not a good person, but damn if she isn’t good at her job.)

“I’m trying to keep you alive.” “Yeah, okay that’s a decent reason.” The fact that Juno didn’t make a quip about not needing to stay alive... he sees the value in being kept alive... god

Is Nureyev the radical.

Sasha I do not trust you.

“I’m thinking I should have left you in desert where I found you.” FUCKING OW.

Yo, Juno what the fuck. Why are you pulling on their insecurities. Madam...

GOD I LOVE THIS CRIME FAMILY 💞💖💓💗💗💘

Damn, I’ve spent this entire season getting pissed when characters underestimate Juno but I literally did that. I. love. This. Crime. Family.

This conclusion is so satisfying.

JUNO THEME 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

“I am still his family.”

Oh god oh god oh god my heart

I’m just so *clenches teeth* proud of him. All of them.

To have an episode showing Juno’s growth by someone who has gone the opposite but parallel-ish direction of his path by someone who knows him... whew

In conclusion: I am having a lot of feelings. I am so happy he’s still alive and, in turn, I’m so happy you all are still alive. Thanks for being here on Earth (or Mars).

(Bonus: damien’s bubble butt I’m-)

[thefudge]

i'm sure you *loved* this episode lol amirite

oh you know it lol

i’ve seen two very dumb takes so far:

1. “guess you haven’t been paying attention sweatie ;) ;) dany’s *evilness* was set up all the way in season 1…but some of yall stan a white lady too hard” 

i would like to disabuse some folks of the notion that the rest of us were blind to dany’s evolution. we weren’t. the problem with this evolution was that it was handled poorly. very poorly. dany always “failed up” on the show, meaning that the show runners never let her dip her toe too much in being unlikable during her adventures in Essos. that moment when she comes out of a burning dothraki hut like some ethereal goddess? i remember rolling my eyes hard at the imagery back then but in the context of the show it was framed as absolutely awe-inspiring and heroic, while the dothraki men in question were portrayed as backward hicks who couldn’t appreciate Female Power™. was there a frisson of “uh-oh” in it? sure, but always back-pedaled by dany’s overall “good intentions”.

this has been the show’s agenda with dany since day one: little accountability, big wins, sweeping mythology. instead of letting this grandeur really get to dany’s head (as it kind of does in the books), they’ve always made her hyperaware of her power and have emphasized her “mercy” and “good heart”. hell, back in S7 this is one of the reasons jon “falls” for her. she seems much more than another conqueror. and she is. but the internal conflict between “targaryen and yet not like my ancestors” is/was never properly addressed. remember those couple of scenes in S5 where barristan tries to talk to her about her family? yeah…me too. 

SO. let’s recap. in order to get to 8x05, the writers needed WAY more build-up than “she burns the tarlys”. as late as 8x03 dany was charging into battle trying to save people. remember their initial plan was to wait for the NK. jon wants to “stop” her from going to save the fighters. let me repeat that: dany is the one who decides enough is enough, she is going to try and save the northerners even if the NK never shows up. jon is content to watch ppl die.  to go from this to what we saw in 8x05 is deeply flawed, amateurish writing. these putzes (d&d) were offered 10 episodes by HBO, at the very least, but they are clearly so fed up with this project they decided to streamline it. 

again, the problem was never dark!dany but d&d not being comfortable or competent enough to explore it believably. earlier seasons indulge in her triumphalism and bank on her unquestioned “humanity” to the detriment of her nosedive in season 8. in other words, d&d wanted to stretch her heroic status for as long as possible. the folks who are claiming “women can be villains too! uwu! this is feminism!” ignore the fact that d&d couldnt be arsed to build dany’s descent because they never really thought about her as a true female villain/antihero to be reckoned with. ALSO they really put their foot in it with missandei and rhaegal, because it painted dany as a woman who is lashing out out of pain, and the audience responded to that. like, they made it easy to root for her when we are supposed to see her hubris. she is supposed to tragically echo her father and viserys, but instead she resembles rhaegar fighting for the woman he loves (in this case missandei, and by extension all the ppl dany lost). i do think they’re still sticking with “dany’s story is a tragedy” from grrm’s outline but it’s just….a mess. i wouldn’t have minded an episode like this with proper build-up and with more interesting stakes. that moment where dany tells tyrion that the ppl of KL are to blame for “standing with cersei” does not gel with her attitude in the north. there should’ve been more time between her arc in the north and the one in KL. they should’ve cared more about this character. and i am a person who was never terribly invested in dany, though i followed her journey with interest, but am going to be no. 1 stan out of spite lol 

second take that’s very VERY dumb

2. “this isn’t misogyny. other female characters on the show had a tough life too! and didn’t lose their mind! look at sansa!”

have yall really forgotten that in 8x04 sansa literally told sandor that rape made her strong and that welp, i guess women need that shit in their life, otherwise they’ll never grow? Hardened Woman! Sansa Stark has managed to fool ppl into thinking she has been given dimension when in fact, a lot of her attitudes and goals from season 6 onward make little sense. 

other ppl gave yara as an example. yara who is so emotionally stunted on the show she has to treat theon with disgust and contempt because he doesn’t have the “balls”. yara/asha in the books is a tough cookie, sure, but she is allowed to show emotion and be a human being instead of a walking stereotype. 

other ppl gave lyanna mormont as an example. the “cute” no nonsense little girl who is tough as balls! what a badass! died like a bamf! what did we know about her? every single one of her scenes was her spouting some watered down version of “Grrrl Power” straight from d&d’s unread copy of “the female eunuch”. i distinctly recall her being part of a discussion where she scoffs at knitting socks as a war effort. she wants to fight! making sure ppl are clothed in winter is a joke!! girlie girls have cooties and any kind of “feminine” pursuit must be discredited. yes, what a feminist hero. 

let’s not even talk about arya-bot-9000. or brienne of tarth telling jaime he complains “like a woman” and on and on. 

all these women are Strong because they are basically Robots. 

the minor female characters who shine on this show do so because d&d haven’t bothered to give them any Cool Dudebro Lines. basically, they have been ignored, which was their saving grace. 

what i’m trying to say is ppl have to stop drinking the kool aid. 

you enjoyed the episode? fine. it’s a visual feast (although i think that so many panoramic set pieces drain the show and cheapen it, and also hide a lot of bad writing because hey, pretty spectacle!). you want to convince others this was masterful storytelling? or worse, you want to condescend and tell us we did not watch this show “right” and you know better? 

(also, istg i saw a “hot” take on quora about how viewers who don’t accept this piss-poor writing for dany are like “season 1!sansa” clinging naively to joffrey, unable to see the cracks below the surface. whew chille, people are really unleashing their inner dumbass.)

[dhajetii]

The Mandalorian Season Finale

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW THE “ READ MORE”. My thoughts on the season finale of The Mandalorian. Reactions and comments as I went through the episode. But my overall spoiler-free evaluation: amazing, very pleased.

Onto the reactions! I also get pretty thirsty for a second.

Those two troopers in the beginning, just... LOL Troopers with bad and worse aim, fantastic.  And my favorite part of this scene: “he killed a guy for interrupting him so this could take a minute” Comic relief at the very beginning of an episode makes me nervous because it’s probably going to be all downhill from here. 

___ Badass nurse droid is badass. Taika Waititi FTW.

___ “The Mandalorians can help us escape” Yeah, but didn’t they all bug out after they exposed themselves when they helped you escape the last time? I don’t think he’ll find them.

___ Classic escape via sewer. Fails before it even starts. Glorious. 

___ I love Cara Dune. Please be my wife. 

___ *spits out my water* WAIT WHAT DID WE FINALLY GET HIS NAME??? *rewinds 10 seconds and turns on subtitles* Din Djarin, I love you. Please be my husband. 

___ “Reasonable negotiation,” more like aggressive negotiations amirite?

___ At least Moff Asshole is honest and fully embraced the fact that he’s an asshole. I appreciate that in a villain. “You can’t trust me. I will act in my own self-interest.”

___ Totes enough room in that cellar for young Din and his parents but okay. And oh, this is why he hates droids. They killed his family and his whole village. 

___ Violence happening all around, baby yoda laughs. 

___ YYAAASSS BADASS FIGHT SCENES

___ The episode went downhill for my emotions. I am not ready for this.  Damn your warriors death, Din Djarin. How about survival instead? A face reveal and a name reveal, Merry Christmas y’all. Also, thank you Badass Nurse for making him see sense and healing him. Best Nurse. 

___ Wait, what? Did all the mandos die??? Nope. No no no, I  do not accept this.  Whew, oh thank god, not *everyone* died. That was a very tense very awful two minutes. But, a lot of mandos still died and that’s very tragic and I’m still Not Okay. 

___ Din Djarin is a dad, the Forgemaster says so. Also, jetpack yay.

___ Down the river and across the planes to grandmas house we go. 

___ I really like this Forgemaster. She’s amazing, badass, showstopping, outstanding, terrific. Please marry me.

___ Sacrifices wreck me. I don’t like them. Do the harder thing and survive. Fuck its a dramatic sacrifice I’m really not okay. RIP Badass Nurse. 

___ “Baby, do the magic hand thing.” *baby Yoda simply waves* Me: *heart melts* magic hand thing

___ The Dad is strong with this one. THE BABY IS SO HAPPY TO BE IN HIS ARMS I CANT my heart is so full right now.

___ Of course Moff Asshole survived. Always confirm your kills. Always confirm the enemy died. Don’t assume. If characters could follow this simple rule the would save themselves so much trouble down the road. 

___ Very pleased that the story was left open for more seasons :D

[shirtlesssammy]

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Recap

What the ever-loving Chuck were we gifted with this week? My mind is reeling. Fair warning: There’s going to be uncontrolled DeanCas feels in this recap.

Then:

Man, first dates, amirite? Also, Lucifer has a fetus on the loose.

Now:

We open with Super Intense Gamer Girl not taking a single hint from Arcade Employee to get out. She’s got some Rampage to destroy (Is that the right term? My arcade knowledge barely extends beyond Ms. PacMan.)

And from out of nowhere, Nadine Hurley shows up to intimidate Gamer Girl away from her game. 

Gamer Girl isn’t so much a gamer girl, but an angel named Benjamin, and his angel powers don’t work on Nadine –ok, I’ll give up the ghost,  it’s the eponymous Lily Sunder. Lily quickly takes control of the situation, whipping out TWO angel blades and going to Kick-ass town on Benjamin. Before she can end him, Benjamin starts chanting in Enochian. “That’s right, call your friends,” Lily whispers –and we cut to several unknown angels, AND CAS!–before she stabs Benjamin through with her angel blade.

Meanwhile, at the bunker, Dean is busy in the war room looking over Cas’s handy “I’m going to find that Nephilim the old fashioned way” board. Sam wanders in and compliments all of his hard work, but Cas’s pissy husband is less than impressed. Where the heck can this nephilim fetus be hiding? <Insert Brother Banter Mom Talk> Then Sam asks if Dean is talking to Cas yet. Dean responds with a curt, “No.”

I counter with a:

Sam tries to play peacemaker: Cas saved them. Dean admits that he isn’t pissed; he’s grateful (next time buy your husband a dozen roses or a case of artisan mead), but he’s worried about the so-called “cosmic consequences” of the broken deal. Sam insists that Cas thought he was doing the right thing. Always. It’s at that moment that Cas wanders in and confirms that he was doing the right thing, before announcing he has to go. Sam wonders if he’s found Kelly, Lucifer’s baby mamma. No, it’s something personal. “Meaning what?” Dean questions. Cas explains an old friend called out for help, and Cas needs to know if he’s still alive. Sam jumps up eager to join. “We’ll come with you.” “Both of you?” Pause. Pause. Awkward. Pause. And then Dean: “Sure…Gotta make sure you don’t do anything else stupid.” Whew Dean, that was close, you almost let your emotions show for a second. Sidenote: Is the truck parked in the bunker garage next to Baby?

*Awkward Car Scene Alert*

The boys are chewing up the miles in the Impala in complete and uncomfortable silence. Sam practically begs to turn on the music, but is shut down by Dean. Like, what the what? Mr. “I’ll avoid talking about shit forever” wants to sit and stew in this strained miasma? Sam then tries to engage Cas in conversation about what they’re walking into. Cas, too, is apparently enjoying the miasma, but much to Dean’s incredulous reaction, he eventually opens up about Benjamin. Benjamin wouldn’t call for help lightly. And hoo boy, Dean’s apparently done with the silent treatment because the sniping that ensues between these two is pure lover’s quarrel GOLD. Like, Dean almost swerved off the road!

Is this real life? And it only gets better my friends. Cas explains how Benjamin cares greatly for his vessel, and wouldn’t bring harm to her if he could help it. “Wait, so Benjamin’s a woman,” Dean interjects. Benjamin is an angel; his vessel is a woman. And she’s more than just a vessel, she’s….a friend. Air quotes all over that statement.

TFW investigate the murder, and Cas looks at the broken-winged burn marks in pain. The arcade employee is giving his account of the evening, and when Cas abruptly tells him to leave, Sam wonders if Cas is ok. He’s clearly not. He’s baffled how Benjamin, a gifted soldier, could let this happen. It’s then that Dean finds a partially hidden angel blade. Upon touching it Cas realizes that it’s not Benjamin’s, and Lily finds a connection to Cas. (Super cool angel shit that we didn’t know about before!)

They all head out to meet Ishim, another angel Cas served under before he had his own battalion. At the restaurant, Cas tells Sam and Dean to wait outside -Ishim doesn’t like humans. And with one final stab of sarcasm at Dean, Cas mic drops and walks away.

Ishim is at a booth with another angel, Mirabel. Cas comments that they’ve kept their old vessels. There’s some underhanded snarking towards Cas for not being careful with his vessel (thankfully Chuck was on top of that!) AND for helping everyone lose their wings (Grrr, angels are dicks.) AND for killing Uriel and Balthazar (losing Balthazar probably still hurts Cas.). “Are you here to insult me or talk about Benjamin?” Thank you, Cas, for getting to the salient point of this meeting.

Sam and Dean wait patiently -well, Sam does, Dean paces a hole through the sidewalk– outside, until Dean can’t take it anymore. He bolts for the restaurant with Sam in close pursuit.

Omg, Cas’s “DEAN” just slays. Can’t his husband follow just one small request? Nope, because Dean smooshes his way into the booth (He has to get extra close because a moose has to fit beside them)

Ishim sends Mirabel to check for any followers, all the while adding packet after packet after packet of sugar to his coffee. Dude.

Mirabel wanders off alone outside, and promptly gets stabbed by Lily.

Back in the diner, Dean wants pie, and Ishim wants to give Cas shit for mucking it up with humans. #ProtectiveHusband Dean pulls out a ruler. All Destiel Reality aside, it was really great to see Dean and Sam stick up for Cas. Hearts. Ishim then suggests that all of them should head to a safe house to talk more privately. Ishim then heads out to check on Mirabel. Dean and Sam pester Cas about why he’s willing to put up with “Super Dick”. Cas curtly explains that he will put up with Ishim to learn more about why angels are dying. “I have to go.” Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. (Um, note to self: Make Sam reaction shot gifset for this episode.)

Ishim finds the lifeless Mirabel behind the restaurant. Lily strikes with very little warning, but only grazes him. They scuffle, and Ishim tries to smite Lily, “You can’t smite me, Ishim. I’m not powerless anymore.” Oooo, who is Lily?! TFW finds them and Cas takes a slice out of Lily, before recognizing her. I see he’s gifted with the Winchester Photographic Memory. <Flashback to Olde Tyme Lily> Guns drawn the brothers draw her attention away from Cas. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt any human. Just let me finish what I started,” she says.

Dean: “Not gonna happen, Patches.”

She then lights up the sky, temporarily blinding Dean, and makes off in her get-away convertible.

At the church safe-house, Cas insists on tending to Ishim’s wound. Ishim insists that he’s fine. Cas goes on to wonder how Lily is still alive. Sam is confused that they know her. Dean calls Lily One Eyed Willy. I died laughing over something that wasn’t that funny. Cas then tells the brothers how they know this angel killer.

Flashback!

Maine, 1901.

Ishim’s flight of angels are on Earth to handle an angel that fell in love with a human. They have a child together. Nephilim are forbidden by the oldest laws in heaven and it”s time to set things right. Also: Cas is in a female vessel. Obv. she’s a great-something-something of Jimmy. Also, I want to cosplay as fem!Cas so much. 

The flock of angels confront Lily and her angel lover, and condemn Akobel to death. Ishim then tells the others that he’ll handle the woman and child alone.

Back at the church, Sam and Dean reel over Cas’s revelations. Cas defends it as “horrific but necessary.” We learn that the woman’s name is Lily Sunder, a professor of apocalyptic literature who studied angels and speaks fluent Enochian. Ishim speculates that she’s using demonic magic to keep her young and protect her from angels. (Me: hmmm can’t angels vanquish demons? If demons had THAT kind of magic, wouldn’t they use it?) Sam and Dean want to go talk to her which Cas stridently argues against – it’s too dangerous.

Cas has had a rough couple of days so when Sam tries to argue that Lily has a justifiable grievance that might make her less willing to talk if angels show up, Cas takes it personally. In what is surely an echo of his inner monologue he asks, “Are you saying that those angels deserved to die? Do you think I deserve to die?” (Me: hugs Cas SO TIGHT.) In typical Winchester fashion Sam and Dean override Cas and head out.

Lily stands in front of her mirror and pulls up her bloody shirt to reveal a deep gash in her side. She takes a breath against the pain and works up some kind of glowing magic between her fingers before healing herself, angel style.

Back at the abandoned church Castiel tends to Ishim’s wounds. Ishim prattles on at Cas about simians and how Cas should be setting himself above them. “When did you get so gooey?” he asks before speculating that God’s prohibition against angels interacting with mankind was really to protect the angels from corruption.

“My friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger,” Cas replies as he prepares to heal Ishim. He pours celestial energy into Ishim and pulls away with a gasp, the job done and his energy expended.

^^ Included purely out of an appreciation for beauty. ^^

Sam and Dean track Lily to a chintzy hotel and corner her in the hallway like she’s a startled raccoon. She whips out two angel blades. (So, a raccoon with angel blades.) “We come in peace,” blusters Sam. After both sides affirm that they’d rather not kill each other, Sam tries to defend Cas. “It’s not Cas’s fault that Heaven has these crazy rules about nephilim.” (Er, probably not the strongest defense in the world, Sam. Might want to go back to law school.)

However, at the mention of nephilim and her daughter, Lily’s face changes. She looks angry for a moment, then drops the blades and approaches them. “Her name was May, and she was beautiful.” We flash back to the day her daughter was killed. On that day, Alkobel told her to take her daughter May and run.

Lily hid inside the house, rapidly gathering papers before a bright light shone in through the windows and she tried to run with her terrified child. As Ishim walked inside the house in her flashback, Lily recounts her history with angels. As a scholar, she found a spell to summon an angel and called Ishim to her. Ishim became obsessed with her and like a super scary domestic abuser, came back into her life later on to destroy it. He killed Akobel, Lily’s protector, and vowed to “break her heart” like she broke his. He murders her daughter and leaves her alive to mourn.

All of this is tragic, of course, but Lily drives the pain home with this: “I had my daughter long before I ever laid eyes on an angel.”

“Oooooh shit,” think Sam and Dean.

Dean, in a comically unsubtle aside, asks Sam if he believes her. Sam mumbles that he does and Dean whispers about calling Cas. After two rings he gives up (Dean. Bean.) and Sam murmurs at him that he should just go and check on Cas…

Lily interjects with all the humor of a centenarian watching two children. “She is no threat whatsoever to humans and she can hear you.” Ha ha ha, Steve Yockey, you magical unicorn. What a delicately balanced scene.

Back at the church Ishim does douche pushups celebrating his revitalized body while Cas slumps nearby, exhausted. Cas fishes around for his cell phone…

At the hotel Sam asks Lily why she waited so long to hunt Ishim’s flight of angels. “Patience is a talent,” she explains (Destiel Fandom: So say we all.) She couldn’t make a move on angels while they had the power of flight but now that their wings are broken, she actually has a chance. Sam asks her about the dark magic but she corrects him. She is using Enochian magic. She points to the eye patch as the visible casualty. The non-visible casualty is that every time she uses an Enochian spell a piece of her soul burns away. She used to dream but not anymore. Sam, as a formerly soulless dude, gets it and gives her the squint of pity.

She tells Sam that Ishim will kill Dean when confronted and this gets Sam’s attention.

Meanwhile, Dean busts into the church to find Cas nursing what looks like a heavenly migraine on the battered sofa. Dean tells Cas that Lily’s daughter was human and that Ishim is playing them. At which point Ishim sidles in, insidiously.

Cas immediately confronts Ishim about the truth about Lily’s daughter. Ishim calls her a liar, to which Dean replies, “If she’s a liar, she’s pretty good at it. You, on the other hand, kind of suck.” Cas turns his sad, angry puppy gaze on Ishim.

Dean whips out an angel blade to attack Ishim but gets thrown across the room. Cas, still weakened from healing the angel, gets the crap beaten out of him while Dean draws an angel banishing sigil on the wall. Cas’s head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut, while Ishim vows to “cure him of his human weakness.” Ishim takes up a blade and approaches Dean. That’s right. DEAN IS CASTIEL’S HUMAN WEAKNESS, like the good, non-crazy version of Ishim’s obsession with Lily. There’s a reason why #destiel exploded all over Tumblr this week. (Boris interjects: Uriel is sitting back in angel afterlife saying “Called this back in season 4, bitches.”)

Dean has his hand poised over the sigil but Ishim urges him on. Ishim will be fine but Cas, weakened, might end up a “bloody smear on the wall.” Cut to dramatic closeup shots of Ishim, Dean, and a wounded Cas. Dean drops his hand from the sigil BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM TOO. (Guys, I just do not know where these all CAPS interjections are coming from today. So strange.)

Lily busts in, though, ready to kick some ass. She whales on Ishim like a badass.

Dean and Sam try to help but get tossed across the room. Ishim tells her she’s done but she whips off the eyepatch and exposes her angel eye. She uses her mind mojo to hold Ishim back. He starts to pull loose but Cas pops up from behind (for the second episode in a row) and knifes Ishim in the back.

Fuck yeah, Castiel!

Cas collapses, kneeling before her like a penitent (which, you know, he always pretty much is). As Lily stands over Ishim’s body Dean asks her if she’s done. The underlying message being, of course, that she’ll have to watch her back for Winchesters if she tries to go after their Cas.

Cas tries to soften Dean’s aggression a little and apologizes to her. He was wrong but that’s no excuse. If she can’t forgive him, then he’ll be waiting for her.

Back at the bunker Dean drops a beer in front of Cas as both Winchesters settle around him at the map table. “Well, this will do very little for me,�� says Cas, “but I appreciate the gesture.”

They both assure Cas that he isn’t weak. He’s loyal and strong. Dean pulls his head out of his ass to kind of slantways apologize to Cas for being a dick about Billie. He’s not mad, he’s worried.

They close out the episode talking about Kelly’s and Lucifer’s unborn child. Cas says that the baby is potentially catastrophically powerful. But now he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

“What’re we gonna do?” Dean asks. (About the child, but also probably generally speaking.)

“Let’s drink and hope we can find a better way,” Cas proposes.

Here fuckin’ here, Cas!

Natasha: So many great things in this episode! I really liked how we learned about Lily’s character. There’s so much we don’t know about all those spaces in her life - her studies, her affairs, her later quest for vengeance. We get to see other angels who have apparently just been lying low on Earth? (Missed a few, Hannah.) Dean and Cas squabble and Sam is just done… You guys a battalion of angels is called a “flight” and I’m crying with joy. And, of course, Castiel is so in love with Dean. flops over and dies

Boris: Read this meta on Lily and Charlie Bradbury. Feels. Also, do you think Andrew Dabb remembers writing about Jesse, the Antichrist? Like, Luci is still out there. I don’t believe for a second that the Holy Hand Grenade worked. So, if Lucifer is walking free, that means Jesse has his powers. He’s got to be more powerful than an arch-angel nephilim. And yeah, this episode. Not only did we get a pre-apocalypse Cas story, but it tied in nicely with the current season’s storylines of Lucifer, and mothers, and Destiel becoming canon. And for everyone predicting Cas’s death and for everyone predicting Sam’s death: STOP. The cosmic consequences simply mean they won’t get their beach vaca this year. *Boris pouts in corner* Finally, I will echo Natasha: Cas is SO in love with Dean.

Lily Sunder Has Many Quotes:

This silent treatment thing is silly.

I’m pretty sure it ain’t jellybeans and g-strings.

Oh, he speaks.

He’s sarcastic. But he’s thoughtful and appreciative too.

If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know

When I knew Castiel, he was a woman soldier.

How can anyone know them and not love them?

I’m not a hero. But sometimes doing the right thing requires sacrifices.

These are my friends. My friends who don’t listen very well.