#whew long ramble

[libraryspectre]

Since I started a lot of permanent changes have occured, but it's just starting to sink in that I will never have to go back. And it's starting to feel real that not only do I get to keep what I already have forever, but I'm just at the beginning and so much more is going to change. At first I was looking toward the immediate future and all the exciting initial changes, now I'm staring down the rest of my life and when I think about what's still coming my insides feel like a lava lamp. I'm probably glowing slightly purple rn.

Since starting t my arms are already noticably more muscular without any change in activity, once I start weight lifting it is so over

[sifloopboning]

braindumping here. come into my study and sit down by the fire withbme. ill be busting my actual load under readmore preemptively bc i know im a wordy mf

also prefacing by lettin u know i dont know much about like. 24/7 Bee-DSMV dynamics / rules / established lore / meta decks etc. however i do think this makes me qualified to talk abt siffedloop in one because you know good and damn well they dont know shit OR fuck either. actually they prolly know even less. anyways

siffedloop can have little a 24/7 ds rship with a dynamic that makes both of them feel way more secure, reassured, and loved. as a treat. tbh kind of like an expansion pack to my Poasts from yday where i talkd abt loop claiming ownership of sif's body and soul in a fun and sexy way? i think it'd be good for loop, who lost everything they had inlcuding the person they used to be and their physical body.

like listen. we'll have to do a character analysis before we get to suckenfucken. edit this is 95% chara analysis i think i actually didnt even say a single sexy thing. ANYWAYS. i have locked the doors and windows listen to me. listen. loop has NOTHING. they lost everything they had, everything they were, all of their relationships, even the clothes off of their back that they've had for as far as they can remember. loop didnt get to keep anything they care about once they made the wish that made them into what they are now and created the current siffrin. the current siffrin who they helped escape the timeloop that destroyed them, even as they had to watch him get further than they couldve ever dreamed of, even as siffrin got everything that loop suffered for. died for. wished and destroyed themselves for. loop gave everything they had and were, and they got NOTHING for it!

so! the headspace situation vis a vis the Dynamic is that methinks it would give loop a good sense of security, satisfaction, and safety to get to Have / "own" something that is undeniably Theirs. that they have an indisputable right to have on all levels. since again, the current siffrin was made specifically to fulfill loop's wish. his body was created by the universe either using loop's own, or in loop's image at the very least. so!

and that's before getting into the fact that siffrin, as they themselves state, only managed to get out of the timeloop thanks to loop. he would have given up far before managing to get to where they needed to be without loop at best, and gotten frozen while being tormented by the manifestation of their Agonies for eternity in act 5 at worst. sif owes it all to loop and they very much know it! even more than loop does!

so! loop may not have their their cloak, hat, body, or old rship w their friends anymore, but they do have siffrin! not just that, but they have a right to siffrin, which would be soothing in on itself to loopie methinks.

on the siffrin side i think it would provide them frankly insane amount of comfort and security to be "owned" by someone who knows him inside and out (the canon selfcest enjoyerrrrrrrr). like they forced themselves to keep an iron grip on their emotions, reactions, and body during the loops for so long, under what they felt like was the threat of smth worse than death (perceived abandonment / disappointment). having someone who they love and trust, who thinks in a way that is very compatible w how he thinks (& whose thinking process does take into consideration 99% of the things he feels are relevant) that makes the decisions at the end of the day would be like heroine to that gay little neurotic prey animal i think.

like! i think just the knowledge that they dont have to make every decision, or control their behavior to Make Himself Palatable/Not Fuck Up Everything Irreversibly would be immensely relaxing and anxiety-easing to him. if loop owns their body, soul, and life (as is their right) then siffrin doesnt have to constantly be Alert and doing 486374 mental calculations at once to make the Right Decisions. (from actual decisions to super minor stuff like socializing bc keep in mind this is the guy who happily says he can just Kermit to redo a social interaction they think they Failed in like. act 2.)

ALSO siffrin tends to convince himself that theyre manipulating / forcing people into liking then or giving him what he wants (affection, friendship, touch, etc) and well. being in a rship dynamic where their partner has all the power and chooses if/when touch happens and to what extent would greatly reduce that anxiety for them. & loop as this partner knows sif's boundaries, wants and needs pretty well, along with being able to read them so well sif thought they might be able to read his mind.

lastly (for now) due to the sheer amount of trust this requires on both ends, imo the only person either of them would feel comfortable having this kind of rship dynamic with would be each other. THANK YOU FOR COMING (hheh) TO MY TED TALK

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

soo hi everyone!! i'm back on my bully essay/meta/something writing!! sort of. i did this.

anyways anyone who's been on this page for some time know how from time to time i have insistently mentioned the parallels between lola and peanut, right?

welp! that was a joke but the time has finally come!! a super-pretentious essay just for the fun of it!! (and also bc i haven't been writing actually argumentative texts in like months perhaps a year, so. yikes, i really need to practice again)

word count: 2.2k WOAH. IM SORRY

i, in my corner, with my monstrous needs. — susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh

take this quote both as a title and an anticipation of what is to come. the essay will be distributed analyzing first the dependence of each of them on johnny, to then draw comparisons. i'll make sure to steer as away from headcanons as possible, sticking closely to the source text. obviously, some things' interpretation might be ambiguous, but, you know. your usual occupation hazard.

also, a disclaimer before we start: while they are psychologically complex and there is always a mimetic intention in developing them, these are fictional characters, and, as such, their primary function is to be vessels for different themes, questions and so forth. therefore, i will prioritize meaning and themes over moral implications and similar elements.

i. peanut

for how much i can adore talking about him, the way peanut depends on johnny is very much on the nose; worn on his sleeve, even. in 11:11 minutes of voice lines, he mentions johnny 30 times.

many interpret this as the caricature of a boy crush, but i have reasons to believe it is much less cute than that.

the problem is that, really, more than trying to identify specific situations... peanut seems to rely on johnny for a significant part of what he does. when he does good at dodgeball:

Look at me, Johnny, look at me!

almost like a child calling for his parent's attention to be praised. he calls johnny's name when he's going through hardships, when he's scared or when he's sad.

more than someone he just loves, johnny is a point of reference. whenever there's something going on, whenever he does or has to do something, his first thought goes to johnny; vice versa, what johnny asks of him is his priority.

I gotta tell Johnny! No time. I gotta see Johnny now. Gotta help Johnny. What can I do next to please Johnny? I mean Lola! I mean…

(this also goes in a "negative" direction, envy being the other side of the medal to adoration. especially because, in some way, this reliance on johnny might be felt by him as emasculating, and, being johnny his model of masculinity, adding it to the napoleon complex thing, it's not hard to guess why it can be so unpleasant. we can see this manifest through some of the things he expresses in regards to lola- not as much an interest he has towards her, but the interest he wishes to have from her- which are a bit more different than it might seem at a first glance. but this is a mouseketool we'll need later. still:

Last time I saw her, Lola made eyes at me, not Johnny!

do we really need this part? heh. i'm not sure, but it's always good to point out)

(also, just because, for the purpose of this analysis, it might be useful to specify: while these sentiments are very much implied in peanut's canon quotes, we have no evidence in canon in what measure they are reciprocated by johnny. the fandom has universally agreed that johnny also views peanut as his Best Friend In The World; while in some measure, they must be at least a bit close, i think it is even safe to say, given the caricaturist nature of bully's characterizations, that johnny holds peanut in less consideration that peanut deludes himself into believing. quoting another post of mine, the kids who show some level of obsession towards their leader mention him on average ten or less times (gord mentions derby eight times, parker six times, kirby mentions ted five times). the leaders don't usually make names at all, that much is true; however, peanut mentions johnny 30 times, and, even in front of this proportion, johnny mentions peanut 0 times. just to make that clear)

overall, what undeniably shines through his voice lines is a feeling of general inadequacy, whether about his height, or his strength in front of a bigger adversary. the audios in which he tries to show off range from being disingenuous, to straight up improbable.

crossing what we have until now said, it is not hard to come to the conclusion that he really tries to make up, to fill this empty feeling of inadequacy by taking pride in his role as johnny's second in command.

while i am a big fan of bully's characteristic of having left much content out of the main game, leaving the gamers to dig it up for themselves, i do believe that scrapping some of the stuff that was prepared for peanut is a loss. we have a number of voice lines coming from chapter 3, in which it was heavily implied how important peanut's role as johnny's right hand man was.

for example, much like... all other seconds in command, really, he was to be followed and then fought in the rumble, before you could get to johnny, with the specific duty to cover his back. even his very first scene, the opening cutscene of chapter 3, i believe, is not to be underestimated. most of the other people, as far as i recall, call you when they need it in person; johnny, however, sends peanut. making him, de facto, an extension of himself, almost.

again, you choose the motivation. what is important, from a narrative point of view, is that peanut clings to johnny through these acts of service, almost making it the foundation of his personhood.

basically, he makes it so that, if he can't be of help to johnny, his whole self is fundamentally annihilated, giving himself completely to johnny.

ii. lola

with lola, reading between the lines gets a bit more difficult; first of all, because lola is much less transparent than peanut, her insincerity being a supporting beam of the whole chapter 3. secondly, whether she was done dirty by the creators or not, it is undoubted that being the perspective that of a teenage boy (namely, jimmy, but we certainly, as viewers, are brought to sympathize more with johnny than with lola) with all the prejudices it can bring with itself.

however, it doesn't mean that there isn't anything to work with- quite the contrary, actually. the issue with lola is that there is a certain amount of layers to get through before gaining a satisfying perception of her as a character. still, we're here to try our best, aren't we!

even behind the muddiness of her intentions and the manipulation she shows herself a master at, it is clear from the second we first meet her that what she does is in function of johnny.

to get through this mess with order, we'll start from an easy, measurable numeric information: lola mentions johnny in her audio files 19 times. which, we're assessed, IS a considerable amount.

we have extensively talked about the way her cheating patterns are a strategy not to succumb to the passive role of the girl in the heteronormative, patriarchal prototypical couple (there's a post here breaking down a lot of this stuff, if any of you is interested!!), so, instead of this, i want to focus on what lies beneath that behavior.

ultimately, the whole point is that lola expects and wants johnny to fight for her. whether is it because she feels taken for granted, or just because he can't perceive it if not through grandiose gestures like the rumble- your interpretation will work; she wants to see johnny fighting nail and teeth not to lose her, she wants him to show her that he wants her.

she's all about that attention, and she knows exactly what and how to do to get it. and i think this is especially clear when you compare the moments in which she knows there's no advantage she could go for; when she has understood that jimmy won't fall for her manipulation, when algie and chad leave her unsatisfied, when norton openly accuses her and antagonizes her - she loses her temper, lets go of that sweetened and/or flirtatious voice tone, abandons that specific kind of gesturing. she doesn't care anymore about obtaining something. she was actually angry, and she was actually upset that johnny had disappeared.

in some of her audios, she references johnny with some amount of fondness, as well:

Johnny and I were on the best date ever.

(there is also a voice line in which she says "He told me he likes me because of my personality. Isn't that sweet?"; due to it being a general chatter and not exclusive to one chapter, i assume it is relatively safe to assume she is quoting johnny. however, as i said at the beginning, we're trying to stay as close to canon material as possible, so, do your thing- and i'm open to arguments!!)

a considerable amount of audio files, however (which will lead us to our final point) is about her... calling for help for johnny, or stating, confidently, that he will come save her, or avenge her later.

Someone get Johnny! Johnny's gonna get you for this. Johnny is gonna kill you!

but wait... i have some sense of déjà vu...

You're gonna be sorry when Johnny finds out!

iii. two faces of the same medal

if i had to pick an effective image for a metaphor, i'd say that the thing about lola and peanut is that they are both dogs looking for someone to take their leash; we’re talking here about an exclusive relationship with someone they can rely totally on, someone we’ll call the Other (with a capital o, distinguished from just other. yes it is unnecessarily complicated i’m sorry).

for what my professor would call accidents of history, it happened that both of them found that Other in johnny.

each of them attempts at creating an exclusive relationship with the Other, one foolproof and fundamentally… perfect. perfect in the way that everything works like oiled gears, in the way that every next move is predictable, in the way that any accident will not break the created equilibrium. (even if, in the general sense of the term, lola and johnny's relationship is everything but perfect, it is in the connotation that we have established here. lola is aware that, no matter what she does, johnny will come back around. hell, the very thing that she does is aimed at keeping that balance; specifically, keeping him a bit on the edge, pushing him into a corner where he has to actively make an effort to keep her close.)

they both hide something they are ashamed of, regulating not only their actions and reactions but their very way of existing in the world, in order to keep that gear working, in order to remain in johnny's hand. lola hides that craving for a genuine and stable affection, dissimulating it with the cheating and the fatuous physical demonstrations of closeness; peanut hides his sense of inadequacy and complex of inferiority, by being the tough and reliable second in command.

basically, what they mean to achieve is a sense of security, the safety of not really being the one to lead but, at the same time, finding a purpose, other than a shield from the outside world that they are not willing to concede themselves to. like a... symbiotic relationship?? i was going to say parasitic, but, yknow. the Other does get some advantages, which are, respectively, peanut's acts of service and lola's capacity to boost johnny's pride.

now, of course, johnny is not aware of either of their play. which makes it even better, since, as we already said, both of their approach to the relationship needs some degree of insincerity.

like, i don't deny that johnny might be a good friend, or a loyal one. but he is an oblivious, prideful fuck who can't see past his own nose; he's got a tendency to make it all about himself - which of course goes perfectly with what we said about both peanut and lola making the Other their center, taking up, in a certain way, a passive role in the relationship.

this way, both of them aim at creating with johnny a relationship that is, in a way, codependant and conditional, in which the do ut des (their respective "service" ↔ johnny's guarantee of stability) creates the foundation of the very relationship.

this, of course, brings up the problem of exclusivity; on which, however, i prefer not to delve into too much, as this would bring us to the topic of their antagonism which... isn't really what i wanted to go for, at least not here. (it would risk bringing us a bit too close to my subjective interpretation and too far away from the canon, which i PROMISED i wouldn't do. however, someday i might elaborate on that??? idk , please do lmk if someone's interested around here)

i will, however, show you a diagram (it looks like a triangle- i guess it is, but it is VERY important that it is a pyramid, with a top and a larger foundation) and a quote, to wrap this up bc i think it is already WAY too long and ramble-y lmao. let me know what you think anyway, my ask box is always open <3

it almost feels like a joke to play out a part when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart you know i'd rather walk alone (i'd rather walk alone) than play a supporting role if i can't get the starring role -- starring role, marina and the diamonds

[spearxwind]

Hi this is where I talk a bunch about ocs :D

I dont have a lot of time lately to talk abt lore but i still think abt my guys whenever i have some chill time to myself, so here's some patch notes. This is also just me thinking out loud haha

CD:

ive been playing w some changes for CD and seeing if they stick :] gonna make the story slightly more complex and the sides of the conflict also different (for example I am going to make hades and talas full on enemies at first along with connon, caval and silas >:3 (and I am also making silas and his monster form two separate characters so the lion (hal) is now a mount instead))

Specifically what I've been thinking about is making Hades either a ship captain or a first mate for a rogue ship. The deal with Hades is that he comes from a renowned family from Redbridge and is a disgrace to them. In previous versions of CD they were artisans but that never rly clicked for me, and recently I have been reworking Redbridge into a naval empire to add some 🤏spice 🤏to the world, which would mean Hades' family is actually a naval captain family putting him next in line to be one of them but since his thing is being a disgrace he takes off and becomes a rogue. And instead of hating leviathans he fucking hates hunters instead. Conversely, I think with these changes Talas would also NOT be inclined to kill hunters (or at least not as often as he currently does). He'd pick fights with the naval fleet and other similar factions instead which is more like his character.

I also wanna try and bring back an older concept I had where connon's ship was able to both become fully submerged (like the subs in sunless sea where her character originated from) and this other idea I had where a ship could split in half into two smaller ships. Like if a catamaran could split into two and flank a vessel on both sides. But we'll see if I can make this work x)

Dragons (broken horizon + extinction):

I vaguely mentioned this a while ago as well but I've also been thinking abt my dragons and how I kinda want them to all be in one world/setting, which includes both my broken horizon guys (cer, jarek, octane, etc) and my extinction guys (alex, c, orion, etc) but I dont know how to deal with all of the conflicting lore and themes.

Because for extinction the big theme is there are people who can turn into dragons, and technically all of the dragons' powers are based on energy (for lore reasons). Meanwhile for my other dragons I have a few different elements or other ways of using fire (eg instead of using straight up fire/energy, my oc Jarek can breathe out gas only and ignites it with his mandibles).

I miss all my dragons a lot so I kinda wanted to make a world for them where I could have them Vibe and do different stories in so I thought about having a dragon-only universe but unfortunately Extinction has a pretty huge human element that I cant just eliminate.

It feels counterintuitive, i know the first logical choice is 'just let them be different things' but I genuinely feel like the right choice is to put them both together so the characters can interact and the whole story can be deeper because as it is both are really shallow and I would really like for them to work together so that's what I've been picking at for some months now (it's um. been real slow)

For these two stories I do have two different vibes though that I've been wondering how to weave together nicely bc they overlap for some characters. For broken horizon I had flying and aerial racing as a big theme (and some of the chars in extinction would be rly into that) and for extinction I had dragon arena fights as a big theme (and some of the characters in bh would be rly into that) both of these is another of the reasons why I wanted to put them both together bc it feels like they can fit very well I just have to find the right idea for them to click and then itll be smooth sailing -w-

I also wanted to talk abt this in hopes that talking abt all the dragons gets me to think more about them as well

I wanted to make this post bc I've been really busy lately and rly absent from here in general and I don't have as much time to draw (or even think abt ocs) anymore but I still wanted to keep posted about what's been going on in my head and hopefully get some eyes on it and maybe even some feedback if anyone is so inclined

If u read this whole thing thank u i owe you my life fr I hope u enjoyed reading abt my patch notes :D and hopefully sometime in the future I can get back to drawing concepts and stuff or maybe even writing stuff

[narwhalandchill]

okay so. skirk thoughts

first of all: as much as her design is still just kind of an ehhh compared to what couldve been, i do think it looks so much better in the actual game. the sfx in her arms and legs in particular helps a Lot imo. still not a massive fan but given i already loved the hair+eyes as well as the general color scheme, im warming up to it. still unfortunate we didnt get something more ambitious but i can live with this lmao

personality wise i actually really love how they went about her? its a little unexpected but skirk really has that abyss autism rizz to her JSJSIDISGFK love it. like this really isnt someone used to any manner of regular human interactions and it shows. i really like how blunt and utterly unfazed she is even when dropping some insane lore bombs bc theyre just peanuts to her. shes just completely unlike any character from any faction weve encountered before and i rly love the energy they gave her

i also found her little ramble about the value of life and death pretty interesting. it almost makes it sound like she considers herself dead in some way? with how she talks about there being no point in holding onto the bonds and remains of dead things and how this personal philosophy of hers is why she never comes to the surface anymore. like huh. whats up with that.

it also really reminds me of how an underappreciated aspect of childes characterization imo is how like. Incredibly insistent he is on staying alive being the most valuable thing? like this comes up Repeatedly in his voicelines. and now we have skirk literally talking about how to live is in itself a blessing. like i am Not buying this being coincidental at all. so unless they physically disprove me in this somehow down the line im taking this as 100% proof that childes high regard for life is Directly imparted to him through skirks teachings. and thats really interesting to think about.

and like. overall im quite happy with this glimpse of her character we have? i have bigger issues with the overall handling of the childe+narwhal+skirk segment of the AQ but those are narrative problems. skirk really stands out as a character and shes just. really fascinating AND funny as fuck in her nonchalance like. what an icon.

the only real unfortunate thing w her appearence specifically i think just has to do with the way her manner of speech and position as a narrator of dubious reliability to an extent is already leading to some. Quite unfortunate misreadings and/or taking the implications of her statements too far at face value. and i just know fandom will latch onto those forever 😭

(& jic i dont mean dubious reliability in the traditional unreliable narrator or like. lying or sth sense. just that her worldview is so alien and foreign to us that it should be taken into careful account before just blindly running off with any particular thing she claims)

like. firstly. the narwhal. ppl really dont seem to be catching onto how skirks perception of it as just a scuffed pet thats a hassle to manage isnt like. actually reflective of what a massive deal of an entity it is (read the boss fight quest item drop lore i am begging. or just wait for me to start narwhalposting JAJSKDK its coming 100%) 💀💀 what it DOES reflect more than anything is what an absolute maniac surtalogi (+ skirk by extension) has to be in order to claim a creature of this magnitude as a PET of all things. its also good to note that skirk herself readily admits both her highly unconventional view on most things AND that her master wont necessarily share any and all information with her - more so what he thinks is pertinent for her to know. her assessment of the narwhal as a nuisance of a task for a disciple isnt really reflective of the ultimate big picture HSJDKDKSK though it is very funny i have to admit.

im just preemptively annoyed and frustrated by it already bc its highkey giving azhdaha all over again where 99% of fandom just dismissed his deeper lore bc they took the storytellers claims of zhongli creating him at complete face value. like to the point hoyo had to literally add a whole segment at the end of the chasm interlude where zhongli more or less directly wink wink nod nods that a career entertainer isnt giving you the most accurate lore on this stuff 😭😭 like please. ive had the tears from among the stars lore fucking HAUNTING me ever since i first read it. its not just a silly pet whale im hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and secondly. people really jumping the gun on "haha skirk thinks childe weak" when she was... quite literally speaking in past tense JSJSKDKSISKDK thats ajax 14 not the current state of things. while i do agree skirks power level is still way above his to the point i absolutely do think she considers him weak from her standpoint & ways off from his true potential, id also just.... like to point out that she pretty much confirms that her view of his competence has very much changed too? like please yall

skirk, who in all the years post ajax' 3 day abyss trip made NO effort to contact or keep up with him whatsoever and stated that her disciple wasnt worth even speaking to in the past has now LITERALLY voiced the intent to assign him the task of being a messenger between herself (possibly even surtalogi) and neuvillette. and she has made it VERY clear that she views the communication between herself and neuvillette (and traveler too) as one between equals?

this isnt her assigning childe some irrelevant side quest to keep him busy but actually utilizing him for a task she takes at least relatively seriously. like wdym she still considers him the exact same as before 😭😭😭😭 like obviously childes far off from being regarded as anywhere near an equal by skirk bc SHES just that insanely powerful but seriously. to me this is as clear an acknowledgement of his growth on her part as we will get JSJSKDKFKSKDKJ

but alas. everyone loves a "ha ha childe so weak XDDDD" like they just never wanna let that one go. Man

anyway still rly like skirk!!! all im Really hoping for in the future Especially w how i feel the 4.2 narrative while overall brilliant really sidelined and mishandled the potential and gravity of the narwhal side of things is that like. PLEASE let the interlude be the continuation to this 3rd descender n skirk n childe abyss situation i am so fucking tired of khaenri'ah and the abyss order im sorry lmao

also itll be like 4 years before we ever see her in Real action as a combatant but i am already So hype to see that. especially since her powers are so abyssal and alien in nature like thats going to be So gourmet i just know it.

[all-seeing-ifer]

Audio Drama Recs for Buffyverse Fans

Hey there, dear listeners! Are you a Buffy fan who’s been listening to Slayers and it’s got you interested in learning more about this whole audio drama malarkey? Are you a Buffy fan who’s not been listening to Slayers but are always interested in recommendations for new media to check out? Are you maybe even a Buffy fan who’s already listened to some audio dramas but want some ideas for others to check out? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then this is the list for you!

The world of audio drama is a weird and wonderful place where niche independent art can flourish. If you look close enough, there’s something there for everyone! It’s my hope that the release of Slayers can help bring this wonderful medium to more people’s attention, so I’ve compiled a list of a bunch of different audio dramas that I think will appeal to Buffy fans, whether that’s because they have a similar genre, similar tone, similar characters, or something else entirely. 

No matter what it is you like about Buffy, I can almost guarantee there’s an audio drama out there where you can also find those same qualities. And the best part? All of the following audio dramas are absolutely free. An important part of the culture that’s emerged around indie audio dramas is that these shows are pretty much always free to listen to - funded instead by ads and patreon support. So you can just hop on to spotify, apple podcasts, pocket casts, or your other platform of choice, and get some beautiful narratives written by (and I do sincerely believe this) some of the most talented and visionary creative voices of the past couple decades beamed directly into your ears for the low low price of nothing at all. You literally have nothing to lose except time!

So without further ado, on to the recommendations:

Wolf 359 

Listen if you like: Episodic/monster-of-the-week storytelling with an overarching plot, a tone that mixes comedy and drama, pastiches of popular genres (with heart), anti-authoritarian themes, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues

Plot summary: Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. The Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that.

Status: Finished

Episode count: 61 + minisodes and specials

Average episode length: 20-40 minutes

Why you should listen: I’m gonna say something that may be mildly controversial and say that Wolf 359 comes closer to capturing the Buffyverse’s tone and spirit than just about any other piece of media. A child of that mostly unfortunate period of time when every nerd creator on the planet wanted to imitate Joss Whedon’s style and it really does show (not least in the multiple direct references to Buffy the show makes). But while basically every other product of this writing style (including Whedon’s own later work) fell flat on its face into insincerity, Wolf, in a truly cosmically unlikely moment of lightning actually striking twice, just fucking nails it. It’s at once an ironic pastiche of science fiction serials from the golden age of radio while also being a serious and dramatic science fiction serial in its own right, and strikes the perfect balance between the two. While it starts out as more of a workplace comedy set in space, as the show goes on and the characters learn more about the company that sent them on their mission, the tone becomes increasingly serious and dramatic, without ever feeling like too much tonal whiplash. When it’s funny, it’s really funny, and when it’s serious and emotional, it hits depths of devastation few other shows can. While it may be science fiction and not fantasy, it shares the Buffyverse’s anti-authoritarian themes, as well as those shows’ large casts of flawed characters whose problems come just as much from interpersonal drama as from the speculative fiction elements of the story. If you ask me, it’s one of the greatest stories the 2010s ever gave us. But don’t just take my word for it, go check it out for yourself! Go meet Doug Eiffel, Renee Minkowski, Dr Alexander Hilbert, Hera, and a bunch more characters I can’t talk about without getting into spoilers. You can thank me later.

Ars Paradoxica

Listen if you like: A tone that mixes comedy and drama, anti-authoritarian themes, female-led shows, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues

Plot summary: When an experiment in a time much like our own goes horribly awry, Dr. Sally Grissom finds herself stranded in the past and entrenched in the activities of a clandestine branch of the US government. Grissom and her team quickly learn that there's no safety net when toying with the fundamental logic of the universe.

Status: Finished

Episode count: 36 + specials

Average episode length: 20-40 minutes

Why you should listen: Ok, let’s say Wolf 359 appeals to you, but you’d prefer your semi-ironic semi-serious speculative fiction dramedy show with anti-authoritarian themes to have a female lead. I mean I’d still recommend listening to Wolf because while Eiffel may be the protagonist you still get to meet Renee Minkowski and Hera and [OTHER CHARACTERS REDACTED], but you could also try out Ars Paradoxica! Another child of the Whedon-influenced era that produced Wolf 359 with a similarly Whedon-influenced tone, I think Ars is a lot messier, tone-wise, but it’s worth working through that. While it starts off quite goofy and irreverent, as the show goes on it really matures and grows into itself and becomes something very special. It becomes the rare time travel story that actually engages in a meaningful way with the political dimension of the time period its characters’ travel to. It’s about the paranoia of the final days of WWII and beginning of the Cold War, it’s about the bigotries that shaped mid-20th-century society, it’s about war and scientific ethics and the desire for progress and what we’re willing to sacrifice for that progress. But despite its often dark themes, it’s also not as heavy as I’m making it sound, with all of its lofty ideas and high concept science fiction being anchored by a cast of highly flawed yet endearing characters, including the inimitable Dr Sally Grissom herself. Compared to other 2010s audio dramas, it’s fallen into obscurity into recent years, and I think it’s about time we bring it back into the light!

The Silt Verses 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot, anti-authoritarian themes, female-led shows

Plot summary: Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories.

Status: Ongoing (on its final season)

Episode count: 33+

Average episode length: 40-60 minutes

Why you should listen: It’s my favourite audio drama, hands down. More than that, it’s one of my favourite pieces of art, ever. Do you have even a passing interest in horror as a genre? If you’re a Buffyverse fan, then I assume the answer is ‘yes’. In which case, you should listen to TSV. Of all the horror podcasts I’ve listened to, I think TSV is far and away the most genuinely terrifying (I’d definitely recommend checking out the content warnings before listening) as well as having the most unique, well-thought-out, and generally interesting horror concepts and worldbuilding. It also plays with classic horror tropes in a way that feels vaguely reminiscent of BtVS at times, but its tone and atmosphere and writing style is all entirely its own. Despite this far darker tone and approach to horror, it also shares many of the Buffyverse’s themes. It’s a story about broken systems: living in them, dying in them, striking back against them, trying to fix them, burning them to the ground, all explored through a horror/fantasy lens. If you like how the Buffyverse explores its anti-authoritarian themes, you will probably also enjoy TSV’s approach. If you love the various complex fucked up little guys that make up the casts of the Buffyverse shows, then you’ll probably also love the various complex fucked up little guys that make up the cast of TSV, especially Sister Carpenter, the female lead of the show as well as one of the few characters in existence whose greatness rivals Buffy herself in my mind. And if you love the Buffyverse’s outlandish and often formally-inventive monster-of-the-week style episodes, then TSV’s own experimentations and propensity for bizarre fantasy concepts will likely also appeal to you. Really there’s very little else I can say without you experiencing the show for yourself. Do you like good things? Do you like things that are good? Go listen to TSV. Again, you can thank me later.

The Magnus Archives

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot, anti-authoritarian themes, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues, fighting the apocalypse

Plot summary: A weekly horror fiction podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join Jonathan Sims as he explores the archive, but be warned, as he looks into its depths something starts to look back… 

Status: Finished

Episode count: 200

Average episode length: 30 minutes

Why you should listen: One of the more well-known audio drama podcasts, and definitely the most well-known of the recent audio dramas! A lot darker, more depressing, and heavier on the horror than the Buffyverse shows, but there’s still a lot that Buffyverse fans will enjoy, from the anti-authoritarian themes to the multiple apocalypses the characters face. While TMA starts off as an anthology series, with each episode being a self-contained horror story, as the show goes on recurring characters start to appear and an overarching storyline begins to emerge. The later seasons of the show really display a similar ethos to the Buffyverse shows when it comes to taking their characters to very dark places, and the way that the show plays with horror tropes will likely also appeal to Buffy fans! Prepare yourself for some truly creepy storytelling and truly heartbreaking emotional moments and give it a listen.

Janus Descending 

Listen if you like: Horror, female-led shows

Status: Finished (sequel series ongoing)

Episode count: 13

Average episode length: 15-20 minutes

Plot summary: This limited series, science fiction/horror audio drama podcast follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place.

Why you should listen: While it’s probably the least similar to the Buffyverse shows of any of my recommendations, I think Janus is still worth looking into simply because it’s a really great “starter podcast” for those who’ve never got into audio dramas before. It’s a limited series of just 13 episodes, each episode is only around 15-20 minutes long, and it uses the audio format in a really unique and interesting way. While it does now have a sequel series called Descendants, the original show works very well as a standalone narrative. The horror and tension and tragedy of the story is really well done, and despite how relatively short it is you still get to feel very close to the two protagonists. Another really underappreciated show that deserves more love.

Old Gods of Appalachia 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, female-led shows, anti-authoritarian themes

Plot summary: A horror-anthology podcast set in the shadows of an Alternate Appalachia, a place where digging too deep into the mines was just the first mistake.

Status: Ongoing

Episode count: 54+ (not including specials)

Average episode length: 30-40 minutes

Why you should listen: Another dark and gorgeously atmospheric horror podcast (you may be starting to sense a theme here), this one based around an alternate history version of Appalachia where eldritch gods and monsters inhabit the mountains and hills. Much like TMA, Old Gods is primarily an anthology series, consisting of a wide variety of different horror stories set in the same world. These stories range from one-off episodes to season-long arcs, and cover a broad spectrum of horror sub-genres. While I do find it a little hard at times to follow all the different connections between the different stories and arcs, I think it’s still absolutely worth listening to for its tone, storytelling, social commentary (plenty of “fuck capitalism” stories here), and well-written and complex female characters. Definitely a must-listen for all the horror/fantasy fans out there (and I know for a fact that’s a lot of you).

Hi Nay 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, female-led shows, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot

Status: Ongoing

Episode count: 32+

Average episode length: 30-60 minutes (not including specials and minisodes)

Plot summary: A supernatural horror fictional podcast about Filipina immigrant Mari Datuin, whose babaylan (shaman) family background accidentally gets her involved in stopping dangerous supernatural events in Toronto. 

Why you should listen: A very fun urban fantasy monster-of-the-week style show that pulls from both classic horror tropes and Filipino folklore. While I haven’t listened to much of this one yet, it’s a really engaging and often emotional listen with a very fun framing device that uses the audio medium in a clever way!

Of course, this is only a small fraction of the wealth of audio drama podcasts out there. I'm only one guy and I can't listen to all of them! If any of you have any recommendations for other audio dramas you think Buffy fans will enjoy, feel free to add them on! And if you're interested and have any questions feel free to send me a message - I always love talkin' audio dramas!

[cha1cedony]

I love that Discord has the ability to be so cozy and close-knit, but I hate that it’s so blocked off from the rest of the internet. And you can’t lurk; you HAVE to be active (or at least active enough to get in in the first place). Ahem anyway. you should invite me to your Discord servers.

🌀 Oooooo you want to invite me to your extremely niche DnDads Discord servers so bad ooooooooooooooooooooo 🌀

…or send me an anonymous ask about my favorite uhhhhhhh? mustelid or something. Ask me for good Lieder on a specific theme.. I’ve been listening to them all day. Maybe this shouldn’t be on my fandom blog???? It has been derailed ANYWAY idk I’m just feeling antsy and rambly hi 😁 How are you HAHA

[si-cucumber]

Oh that aspec post has me fuming. Rantings of an AroAce artist below

I have been lucky enough irl to have never gotten the "oh you've never met the right person" talk when I tell people I'm AroAce. I find the "let ace/aro people have sex/relationships" infuriating for obvious reasons. If someone does not want to have sex/be in a romantic relationship, we need to fucking listen to them.

But as a Horny-But-Sex-Averse Ace™, I'm in a weird position. Do I enjoy writing about my incubi getting it on? Yeah! Do I personally want to do the same? Nah! I'll pass!

I feel like people see asexuality as an all or nothing thing. You either are ok with having sex or you don't want anything to do with it at all. Being...in the middle of the spectrum makes you feel very invisible at best, and treated poorly at worst.

I often fear that people don't believe I'm ace because I enjoy engaging with adult subjects, especially in my own art/writing.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, I have felt incredibly infantilized when in adult spaces. When it came to RPing with my OCs, when I told my partners I was ace, all of the sudden, we would just...never write about adult subjects again. I was never asked "hey, you're ace, are you comfortable with writing smut?" or anything. They just assumed my uwu soft boi self couldn't handle writing dirty things or didn't want to.

While we do absolutely need to respect those who are sex repulsed and listen to their boundaries, every aspec person is different. They should be the ones calling the shots about what they engage in or with. Not you.

[ghostfungus]

Going by Quin now :)

[familyvideostevie]

no one asked but heres what ya girl is up to

christmas fic commissions for friends on ao3 -tlou gen fic time loop fics x 2 (one for part i, one for part ii) for my dear friend s -everlark fluff (lol) for h -bridgerton kate x anthony post-apocalypse modern au for my crazy friend j

x reader stuff -joel airport fic for em <3 -joel jackson au fluff/smut?? maybe?? -joel a kind of hunger chap 2 (hopefully) -i want to do something stupid and fluffy and hallmark??? -will i write for the other characters on my blog? god knows

anyway. thanks for being here.

[depizan]

I've encountered at least three books in the recent(ish) past where the premise was more interesting than the plot. In fact, in two of them, the book got significantly less interesting when the plot showed up. I've been trying to work out exactly what's going on there, because my instinctive explanation doesn't make any goddamn sense.

See, what I want to say is that the reason the books got less interesting when the plot showed up is because it was imposed from the outside. But plots almost always are. Like they say: villains act and heroes react. Which holds true whether we're talking villains and heroes or natural disasters and hapless survivors or antagonists and main characters or whatever else. It's very rare for the main characters to actually instigate the plot.

(In fact, outside of treasure hunting/macguffen plots, I can't think of any examples at all. And it's far from 100% even in those kinds of plots. It's roughly as common for the antagonist/villain to instigate by hunting the doohicky or hiring the protagonists to hunt the doohicky.)

Perhaps it's that the plots are somehow the wrong plot. (Which would actually include the third book, as well.) The plot the book actually has is less interesting than a plot that might have organically grown out of the premise. We could have had something slightly different, but, instead, the author opted for a well trod path. A bland, well trod path.

Hell, in one of the books, the main characters don't even seem interested in the plot. It just keeps poking at them until they're finally forced to interact with it. If the characters in the book aren't interested in the plot, why should the audience be?

(Mind, you could probably write a hilarious small town murder mystery where the only person who cares about the plot is the detective, and everyone else in the village is far more interested in the fete, or Colonel Suchandsuch's roses. But even there, it only works if the detective does care.)

Of course, you can have very entertaining fiction in which the main character(s) are annoyed by the plot. Both The Rockford Files and (original flavor) MacGyver made good use of ye old "god damn it, my idiot friend has dragged me into some kind of ridiculous trouble again" plot. But, again, the characters in question do still care either because they care about their idiot friend or because they're in the soup now, too. Or both.

It's also very hard to successfully not care when the plot kicks down your door and waves weaponry at you. One could argue that large portions of the hard boiled detective genre are entirely made of that. (Which would also explain it's presence on The Rockford Files.)

And that might be the issue with the book where the protagonists didn't care. The plot let them not care right up until near the end, and by that time, I was very much bored with the plot's ineffectual efforts to make them (and/or me) care.

It's not just that, though, since that doesn't apply to the other two books. It's like the plot and the characters have to... I don't know... be right for each other? Or the plot needs to be the most interesting thing you could with these characters in this world? (Or at least not the least interesting thing you could do with these characters in this world.)

When I was trying to be a mystery writer, one of the things that frustrated me was the insistence that the detective have a personal stake in the mystery. But if you have the right character, that's not necessary. Or, rather, they will see to it that they have a personal stake. It's like Doctor Who; the Doctor (especially some regenerations) just can't resist poking about, and he invariably pokes his way right into trouble. Now the plot has a personal stake in him.

Hell, there's an episode of Simon & Simon ('80s private detective show) where they investigate a letter that shows up like 30 years late, addressed to the person who had (what is now) their office then. Some people would toss it in recycling, or send it back to the post office, but they (like the Doctor) just couldn't resist poking about. That's why they're the protagonists of a detective show.

... It is about the plot matching the protagonists. If you give the protagonists a plot that they can't resist, it all feels natural. If you give them a plot that they can/could resist, the hand of the author is impossible to ignore. If there are other plots that feel more right for the characters or setting, the audience will notice, and notice that the one that's happening feels forced.

The plot can come from outside in a Watsonian sense, but it cannot come from outside in a Doyalistic sense. The audience will notice.

[watch-dog-with-a-blog]

ah sorry for neglecting the blog!!! the holidays kept me a lot busier than i thought they would. i’m back now though, and i’m three episodes behind in reviewing jupiter-men! so i’m going to put all of my thoughts on this one. think of it as a trilogy i guess? buckle up, because this will be a long one!

episode 24

so in this episode, we learn that “jessie” (who arrio referred to in a previous episode) is his little sister. and she’s adorable! arrio always felt like a “big brother” character to the twins so him having a little sibling of his own makes a lot of sense for him.

we also meet arrio’s dad who, in the middle of arrio’s “angsting,” gifts his son a journal from his mom as an early 16th birthday present. it seems like his mom left this for him before her death (or disappearance?), with the stipulation that he waits until 16 before receiving it. this is pretty common in the YA /coming-of-age genre, and it makes me wonder if there was more to arrio’s mom than meets the eye…

but we don’t get the answer to that yet, as arrio throws the gift under his bed before opening it.

arrio is understandably getting increasingly frustrated by the avalon twins flaking on him and not-so-subtly hiding something from him. of course we as an audience understand why jackie and quintin are doing so, but since arrio is in the dark, their sudden behavior changes are hurtful and worrying to him. arrio’s interaction with mr. khan (the school counselor) highlights his worry, as well as giving more insight into arrio’s past.

mr. khan is downright fearful of arrio, and there’s even mention of a past restraining order. it’s clear that arrio was (and i’m sure still is, in shades) a deeply troubled kid. seeing the reactions the adults at school have to him now, two years later, makes me wonder how supportive they were of him during the roughest part of his life. at least it seems like his dad had his back the whole time, though we still don’t have many concrete details of the things that happened back then.

checking on the twins, we see they are exhausted and their bodies are in pain after two weeks straight of training, without breaks. geez! these are two 14 year old kids. watch-dog’s training is intense.

nathan seems like a taskmaster when it comes to training the twins, and while i’m sure part of it is him wanting to rush the process to get his dad back, it also makes me wonder what kind of training jupiter-man may have put nathan through. is this kind of tireless training…NORMAL for nathan? is he putting them through grueling training because he’s single-minded in his goal and doesn’t care if it’s extremely difficult for them, or does he really not see anything wrong with pushing them so hard because he may have gone through the same? i wonder if when we eventually meet jupiter-man, the story will take a “never meet your heroes” direction and we learn he may have had some serious flaws behind the scenes.

it seems inevitable that the twins will experience serious burnout at some point. at the end of the day they are still kids, and they’re now neglecting their friends and family for their duty as superheroes. this is an enormous burden for them to carry, and i really hope they will be able to find a better balance and support than they have right now!

in the end, we see the mysterious glitches we saw in a previous episode expand into a portal, from which a mysterious new character emerges. they have fire powers and seem to be looking for something. this is so exciting! i’ve been looking forward to seeing beings from the other dimensions and getting more lore on these other worlds.

i really enjoy this kind of worldbuilding and crafting of different systems. i like that they never really feel repetitive as long as the author puts a distinct spin on them. for instance, in the separate webtoons “four leaf” and “lone,” witches play large roles. but their magic systems are totally different! the witches in four leaf gain magical strength based on the number of bells they collect with the type of abilities being determined by their exact number of bells, while the witches in lone use wands to channel different innate magics with specialties in different forms depending on the individual.

it’s that kind of variety i love about exploring different worlds and the people / creatures that inhabit them, which is why i can’t wait to see the various worlds and dimensions of jupiter-men!

episode 25

it’s arrio’s birthday! and he opens his mom’s gift!

it’s a blank journal with a mysterious cover. arrio reads the inscription, which refers to enchantment and speaking from your soul. this seems to clearly indicate that arrio’s mom was from another of these dimensions (of magic?! awesome), and probably the exact one that the mysterious character from the previous episode came from.

a ring falls out of the book, and when arrio puts it on (and subsequently can’t take it off), his eyes fill with fire for a moment. so arrio will gain access to powers at some point! i would love for him to join gusher, powerhouse, and watch-dog on their team, but i’m wondering if the mysterious person will manipulate arrio and turn him against the twins…i don’t want arrio to become a villain, but with all of this tension and misunderstandings, i think it’d be easy for him to become a pawn in a villain’s game.

(also, arrio’s snappy orange socks he always wears are presents he gets from his baby sister; such a cute detail!)

however, at school, arrio’s small friend group gives him a cupcake in celebration while the twins are nowhere to be seen. when they finally approach him late in the day, they blow off his request to hang out (again) and ask that he cover for them (so they can train without their mom asking questions). they completely forgot his birthday (they think it’s the next day because they’ve been so preoccupied with everything else).

arrio confronts them on their lies and demands to know what they’re busy with, as he’s afraid it could be a gang. things get heated between quin and arrio while jackie tries to mediate. arrio tells quin that he’s concerned because he’s like a brother to him, and quin snaps that they *aren’t*so he can stop worrying.

this was a really sad and well-written argument. arrio definitely has reasons to be upset and worried. quintin snapping was a bit shocking to see, because while he can be somewhat intense when expressing his emotions, we’ve never truly seen him this angry. and i think a lot of that is because of the stress of constantly training and lying. it’s taking a toll on him even if he doesn’t really want to admit it.

after the argument, watch-dog calls. jackie (rightfully) goes off on him, but he interrupts to say that this isn’t a drill, it’s a real attack.

i think this episode did a good job showing the conflict between the twins and arrio come to a head. they can’t just pretend everything is okay while leaving him in the dark, and i hope they’re all able to talk openly about what’s going on. before it may be too late…

episode 26

arrio is still hurt by quintin’s comment, then he’s confronted by rick chang (the bully we met wayyy back in eps. 1 and 2). rick is pushy with trying to get information to go after jackie while arrio asserts her autonomy (w friend arrio), so rick picks a fight, arrio fights back, bada-bing-bada-boom, arrio gets detention on his birthday. plus we get more clues to his backstory, like the fact that he was in a gang. now we know why he was so concerned about jackie and quintin getting pulled into a gang; he knows what it’s like and feared they’d go down the same path he did.

sidenote, we also learn that rick has some sway in the school due to who his mom is. the principal says that while isn’t innocent, he’ll “call it even” and let him go without punishment so long as he doesn’t get his mom involved. which, scummy as heck. maybe we will meet his mom someday and get some proper rick lore, but for now i’m perfectly content hating him haha.

the heroes meanwhile sense an anomaly, and it’s coming from…the school?!

the mysterious person enters the detention room arrio is in. while there, they mention that “the star guardian is losing his touch if we are both here,” which makes me wonder a bit about the purpose of the star guardian. this character doesn’t appear to be a starstruck monster, but a person from another dimension. are star guardians meant to keep ANY interdimensional beings from crossing over into other ones? even non-harmful ones? do they enforce this dimensional segregation at any costs?

because if that’s the case, that DOES NOT bode well for what could have happened to arrio’s mom. did she flee here from her dimension for some reason, and once she was discovered by the previous star guardian, jupiter-man, nathan’s dad, daejung mun, did he banish her back to her home dimension (or KILL her)? separating her from her HUSBAND AND CHILDREN? this is realllly making my theory of jupiter-man hiding some skeletons in his cape look a lot more likely if that’s the case!

the episode ends with the mysterious person chasing arrio down the halls in an attempt to get the spellbook. we know the heroes will show up to save him, but their appearances will be cloaked due to their costume technology. will the twins choose to share their identities and truth with arrio before their relationship spirals further out of control? i hope so.

these chapters were really enjoyable, and i liked learning more about arrio’s backstory. the clues of it were spread out and we still don’t have the full picture, which is more interesting that just info-dumping all of it at once. this way it’s like putting puzzle pieces together. though i have to admit that i missed jackie, quintin, and nathan these past few episodes, because even though arrio is great and i’ve been itching to know more about him, it left the rest of the cast out-of-focus and i just really missed seeing more of them. that’s not a criticism of the story, though, because i think it was a good choice so we’d feel what arrio was feeling, about them not being there for him and leaving him feeling isolated from them. so bravo, author!

i’ll be getting back in the swing of posting my reviews weekly, so i won’t have to deal with writing three at once again, lol.

[snom-pixelates]

THANK HELL I finally did it!! Chapter 7 is done!! \o/

[punkrockisafulltimejob]

Holy shit, thank y'all so much for admiring this deck mod! I've always been an artist striving for truly unique ideas, because of how much my autism (and now witchcraft) feeds into my artistic side, I want to know that what I make is something that no one else would have ever thought to do.

That's my passion in life, being 100% authentic to my self, and I see my art as a reflection of that.

I wish each and every one of you happiness, in the smallest of things, for ever and ever. I know this small thing made me happy.

Spent the last week or so finding the perfect gradient of sharpies to color the edges of one of my tarot decks in a rainbow. I think it came out pretty damn good if I do say so myself lol

[narwhalandchill]

anyway uhh jokes and the mayhem aside i am. not looking forward to the eminent discourse and the hsr vs genshin situation flaring up again thanks to W + ratio incident.

(ensuing ramble dont mind me)

and like. for me im kinda like? idk not distraught enough to call myself torn or anything but it sure is a bit of a Huh moment to look at the way hsr operates w the community and all compared to genshin.

btw i have no like great morsels of wisdom here im just word vomiting some thoughts lmao

but like. logically (or should i say. rational- *GUNSHOT*) and purely from i guess the "hoyo" slash business pov. its 2 different games from different teams that belong to different genres and operate in vastly distinct environments in terms of like. competition and player retention. a turn based game like hsr isnt the kind of like. groundbreaking juggernaut that genshin was and is to this day (like. the famous "genshin killers" wya lmao). so to a certain extent at least its like. i can see how it affects this stuff i guess. genshin to this day hasnt felt the true pressure and need to care abt the community the way hsr is clearly angling more for.

but also imagine genuinely whiteknighting the genshin side of things to just settle for that excuse alone WDJWJKJWDKWD no fucking way 💀 like. that is Not the point im making at all. bc there comes a certain point where its just. yeah theres arguments to be made abt how the games differ and how hsr incentivizes pulling for and makes more new 5* charas and has no open world so needing to distribute f2p pulls thru other means is a must etc etc etc. but theres a point where that just falls flat.

and while i do agree the genshin community can strike up shitstorms that are more about outrage than anything substantial like. first anniversary with google classroom and all of that being a good example. but having Been there. while it was taken too far at points the reality of that saga always was about the cumulative community feeling hitting its breaking point. it was a lot of things accumulating and piling up in terms of frustration that led up to that 2.1 meltdown and honestly hoyo can only blame themselves. no need to relive that one too much my point just is that while for me (at least for now) im not feeling any of that like. deep hollow disappointment at realizing genshin will never truly beat (and arguably, i dont rly think its ever wanted to) the allegation of. the hsr team just being allowed much more freedom in terms of fostering goodwill w the community and stuff. i can still genuinely understand if this ratio thing for hsr ends up becoming another final straw for that feeling to rise up again for some genshin players. bc just like 2.1 this too is a cumulative thing. hsr is getting new gamemodes. constant massive QoL. freebies and limited-time events with permanent story and gameplay content. responding to and addressing tons of player complaints. genshin is... attempting some QoL? a tiny bit? like its just a whole situation.

and that feeling genuinely sucks. obviously dont attack random people like the cast or minor devs with no executive power or google classroom. or fuel this whole hsr vs genshin tribalism thats apparently athing. thats so stupid. fuck off. if i see another assassination attempt on dawei bc of hsr getting free fucking ratio i dont even know what to say 💀

but still its easy to be all "wow entitled terminally online gacha players" and yeah that can be true but i also dont like reducing all of that long term resentment from unaddressed complaints and issues and tiny disappointments accumulating over time for people who very much love genshin and want to be able to love it even more. to just like. haha greedy people want freebies. ofc hoyo doesnt owe us shit its a company and even with hsr this generosity shouldnt be turned into some parasocial "oh theyre on our side" thing. its just two games that want to make money. genshin and hsr both.

but it still sucks that theres such a discrepancy. and as long as ur not being toxic about how and when u express it i think that feeling is completely fair and valid. its not nice being passionate about a game and its potential while investing time and possibly money into it and still getting treated like shit year after year just bc genshin is still too successful to be forced into caring about us peasants lmao. venting and memeing and even sending appropriate complaints to hoyo are all fair game to me lmao. go wild

tho i will have to say that i do think the ultimate antidote to that feeling of disapppointment in particular imo still consists of touching grass like. its not good to be overtly attached to this stuff on an emotional level. i get why people would end up in that position esp given how genshin literally started during quarantine and was a massive source of comfort and joy in incredibly tough times for so many (myself included). but still. hoyo is simply not ur friend and ultimately its still just a couple of gacha games. finding other sources of happiness and comfort is v important. but being affected by this baseline isnt an individual failure or something wildly unreasonable at all.

for me im not too emotionally affected or anything but i cant deny this thing does have me thinking a good bit. as someone who naturally gravitates more towards genshins open world and its style of worldbuilding and aesthetic and its characters so even if i do enjoy hsr overall its just. a bit of a bitter taste u get in the mouth from all of this.

im not interested in discoursing on this or even like. protesting against hoyo particularly bc its clear that the genshin team has chosen its stance on the matter and i doubt another incident will really sway them much. the push will need to come from elsewhere if things are to ever change. im happy to get these freebies in hsr and i hope the game continues evolving and getting better bc it sure does have its flaws too. and the same for genshin. in a way a lot of the good in hsr is due to the hindsight 20/20 from genshins pitfalls and problems too (as well as arguably the literal sink or swim hsr faced from the poor reception to aspects of 1.0-1.3). unfortunately i doubt genshin would have the guts or be given the resources to retroactively address and fix those very same things in their own game. which is a shame.

anyway i dont have any particular point im going for with this i suppose i just wanted to get these silly thoughts off my chest. L + ratio to W + ratio was hilariously iconic and im still incredibly hype for all these things hsr has given us to look forward to even if the discrepancy with genshin does cast a shadow over this a bit. and i still love genshin and will keep playing it and keep hoping it can improve over time and get better. ultimately i care less about free ayaka at AR 42 becoming reality because "ratio hsr!!!1!1" than the devs genuinely investing the time and effort needed to make this game all the things it has the potential to be going forward. but im not holding my breath.

so yeah. if u stuck all the way with this whole situation u get a sticker. many thoughts in the head and you people following me are stuck with them im afraid JKJKDWJKWDJKDW

[tekutiger]

I'm still living in Frontlines... what day are we on now? I've lost count 🫠. The event began on the 27th of August... *attempts to count* 😴💤

Last blog update I mentioned wanting to learn some more classes. I did manage to add SCH and DNC to my list of "I can play this rather well". I've keyed a few others but can I play them? Ehhh.... 🙃 yet to try.

I told my friend this 👆🏻, that I "keyed them" and he was like "wait what?". Had to tell him that It means 'I put the skills onto my bar', what else would it mean? lol. Maybe things that I think are 'obvious' are actually not that obvious.

So, I already play BRD, RDM, SMN, WHM, and MNK on the norm.

Wanted to learn a tank like GNB. Tried playing DRK a while back but I feel like I was plunge-happy and that just did not go well at all, lol. Think I've developed a bit of PTSD from it. Not just that, but there's high expectations with it because it's the new 'meta', oh boy 🙄. DRK + DRG combo, or DRK + SMN. Basically anything DRK + some class that has AoE LB = win *sigh*. Why so broken SE 😶

I get it, I get it. To balance FL, it borks CC. Then to tone down one class here, you have to tone down others, and then they all bork, and it just becomes an endless loop. Not as easy as one would think... whelp, rip.

Also don't mark meeeee. I hate thattttt. I don't need a giant bullseye calling attention to me 🎯. If I wanted one I'd give it to myself, adkjaksdj.

But yeah, me trying to 'learn' it, while it being meta, not knowing what the heck I'm doing (i.e. being suicidal)... I just feel like that's not gonna go any better than the first time, LOL. Think I'll have better luck learning GNB atm.

I'm just the pushy- finds an opportunity- and rushes in type 🤷🏻‍♀️. Seems like my team doesn't always follow suit and it gets me in trouble a lot 😅. I need to learn to gauge that better. I'm also the overprotective of my teammates type, and it's gotten me killed numerous times 💀 (going back to try and help/rescue a teammate or something - happens on all classes, not just on tank)

Imagine this, when learning a class: Marking a player trying to learn DRK, they're plunge-happy like myself because I dunno what the heck I'm doing but I'm trying to learn what to do and what NOT to do (as I said before, suicidal). But because I have this stupid marker over my head, people are following me around and watching me die repeatedly as I get my bearings. I'm looking like an idiot, I already have social anxiety. I'm just not going to want to play this ever again due to this horrid experience. Or, I'm going to need time to recover (which is where I'm at now).

You learn more from your failures, you still learn from your successes, but it's a learning curve. I'm only going to learn by doing. Using my skills in an actual match, with people and against other people. I can't just go swing at a training dummy and figure things out. GNB is actually a great example of this as one of their skills is reactive to DPS/Healer/Tank. A training dummy cannot replicate that. With that being said, don't effing mark me! 💢. It should be an opt in, not opt out!

"Oh well, Teku, why don't you just speak up and ask them to unmark you?" Because as much as the FFXIV community prides itself as being open & friendly, when it comes to PvP it can get rather sour & salty 😐 and it's not that simple. People get snarky & sassy and say all sorts of ridiculous things back at you that basically end with the result of you still being marked. Or they straight up ignore you. "You don't pay my sub!" - sound familiar? I usually don't let whatever negative things that happen in a frontline get to me, because that's silly. It's just a game within a game, technically, lol. No need to be bitter. But let a person learn, chill out, it's not the end of the world, geebus.

/endrant

My friend belongs to several Linkshells and Discords for Frontlines and he consistently shows me conversations and games he's in, also premades, and it's just... mindblowing... the things that are said. Some people take this stuff so seriously. It's as if they forget that once upon a time they too were once a sprout. They too, once upon a time, started somewhere and were new, and didn't know which buttons to hit in what order. To learn to prioritize objectives over kills. Not to tunnel vision the battle over the point board because the end of the game can easily sneak up on you. Like... why are people like this? So inconsiderate and just total jerkfaces, I don't get it.

But now they have this elitist attitude and they refuse to play in Daily Roulette or Duty Finder. They'll only queue in groups with premades of meta such as DRK + DRG, etc. Like wow, that's actually sad, I'm sorry. I get it if you want to play with friends, but it seems more like they want a free pass winstreak and to be carried. To each their own I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ (not saying everyone in these CWLS/LS/Discords are like this or have this mentality, just the people in these convo's I've seen)

And if you think I'm QQ'ing (term for whining & crying) because I'm the one who is bad at playing in Frontlines, I beg to differ. I have screenshots of the end of every Frontline match I've played- out of force of habit from previous FPS games (the end board thing with names and stats). I'm usually (not always) within the top five for 'Damage Dealt' when I'm on DPS or SCH, or top five in 'HP Restored' as Healer. I admit I have some bad games but they're not the majority.

Thing is, I don't nerd rage at my team if we're scattered or split (you'd be surprised at how often I see this happen tbh). Would you like some food with your salt? Nor do I flip tables if we lose a game and my win:lose, 1st:2nd:3rd, ratio takes a hit. It's a Frontlines match, things are gonna happen 🤷🏻‍♀️. I'm just one person, I don't have control over 72 people. Occasionally I'll do callouts, throw a flag into chat, and use markers on enemy targets, but even then, the 24 people on my team are not all going to listen to me the entire duration of the game. Most of them aren't even reading chat or have their maps open.

And then there's cases where people other than the person making callouts, have better calls, and they confuse the entire team.

SE gimme a SERIOUS and TRUE PvP mentor crown/title and I might take it more seriously, I've already got the macros made 😉. I know it's in game currently under PvE but it comes with nothing. Like actually nothing. Probably because SE considers the rewards from Wolf Marks, Wolf Collars, Trophy Crystals, Current Achievements, Series Rewards, and whatever else I missed, to be enough? I don't know. But everyone knows PvP Mentor is basically hollow, fake and for show. It's not a real thing. I guess it's more real than Crafting Mentor but ehh... different topic.

Yes, I'm aware adding a 'real' PvP mentor wont fix the aforementioned problem of people not listening, or not reading chat/looking at the map, lol. I still want to talk about it though.

Make it separate with real achievement rewards and the like. I think a lot more people would take it more seriously tbh. As in... actually try PvP in general, not afk in FL, not alt+F4 out anymore, there's another one I wont say.

Right now 'leading' i.e. 'giving suggestion' in Frontlines because we technically cannot direct gameplay in any way, shape, or form- that's against ToS *cough*... I'm just... 'when the mood strikes' with it. It's not my job so why treat it like it is? I know that's a terrible mentality but, Frontlines has me burnt out guys. First is was PLD hax with grabbing Oovoos, now this? I forget what was before that tbh, lol. I pretty much just turn on Music and focus the game when I queue up 🎧🎶

Also, Damage and Healing aren't everything. Being where you need to be, getting kills and not dying, capturing objectives, being a team player... those are all variables that need to be considered too.

Sorry sorry, I said I was done ranting. akdjsakd. It curved back into that direction 🙃

I used to play a lot of NIN before the major PvP rework and haven't bothered re-trying it since. I should try giving that a go again. A genuine try, not just one game 😅. I recall dreaming I was in FL as NIN using LB repeatedly. (Yes this is how bad it is, this is what its come to! The game has seeped into my dreams!)

I tried SAM once and it felt weird because I main BRD like 90% of the time and SAM has casts. I don't know how else to explain it to people but when you're used to playing a class that can walk while using their skills- free range mobility- and then shift to a class that has to stay absolutely still for nearly all of their skills, it's awkward as heck. The day I tried, I kept inadvertently moving and interrupting my casts and I was like AKSDJKAL!! 😠💢

Needless to say, I didn't try SAM again. Also I don't know why I don't have this issue when I play RDM or WHM or other cast classes, it was only with SAM. Might just be a mentality/awareness issue. As if, melee = shouldn't have casts, or something? I should give it another shot. Also, I'm not suggesting SE should take away SAMs casts or anything, they're too OP as it is~, I have a love-hate relationship with SAMs when it comes to FLs 😅

I've learned the RPR rotation but apparently it sucks terribly in Frontlines, yet it's great in Crystalline Conflict. Issue here is I don't play CC, I play FL so..... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know I'm leaving several classes out, like SGE, DRG and MCH, etc. There's just so many.

I only have a bit more FL farming left to do and then I'll be done, thank gods. I have way too many alts- but it's not just that. It's because it's the 10th anniversary and there's so many goodies on the Moogles this time around. There's so much I want to get 😄 That's not a bad thing honestly, this time frame is just way too short.

We're being given one month and one week or something? Maybe just the one month. I'm not sure, don't quote me, lol. All I know is it says Until Patch 6.5 and that is "Early October" 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is probably the craziest waymarking group I have ever had, lol 🤔

Oh yeah, I wanted to add some 'pointers'. Uhhh... just some things I've learned over time and recently.

On SCH; try not to/don't, Bio + Deployment Tactics combo on a DRG cause they'll likely use their LB and poof, there goes your charge. I guess Adlo + Deployment Tactics also but it happens moreso with the enemy in my case.

On WHM; avoid using/use at your own discretion- Seraph Strike on a SAM. It's like jumping into the arms of Death ☠️.

This could probably be said for other classes with a charge-in ability but I've only experienced "fly to my death" with this on WHM 🥲. What's that phrase... "Fool me once, shame on You; Fool me twice, shame on Me".

Definitely not falling for that again... 😐

On BRD; Save your silence for the squishy casters, like Healers, SMNs and BLMs. I would think this one is a given but I don't see many other BRDs do this for some reason... 🤷🏻‍♀️? Your team will pick up the hint and that silenced player is gonna drop like a fly 90% of the time.

👆🏻 Don't do the same thing with the RDM skill Resolution. If you have White Shift on, you can try to aim it at a Healer, SMN, or BLM, but I wouldn't waste holding onto it as it's valuable DPS you're essentially losing by not using it.

I personally do a mix of both as RDM- use both White Shift & Black Shift. Basic rundown is, Black Shift is good for dealing more damage, and White Shift is good for protecting the group.

When in White Shift I aim it at squishy targets and also in crowded areas. Imo it's intuitive, as is all RDM gameplay. I'm a RDM main, what can I say 💖. Example might be I see a lot of DRK + DRG so I use White Shift a lot for the barrier. Another might be I see a lot of SCH + Casters, so I run Black Shift for the extra damage. Etc, etc. Just have to figure out the in-betweens from there.

I'm not trying to write out a guide, if I was this could go on forever lol. These are just the not so obvious things I guess? I can't think of anymore atm but I'll try to add to this if they come to mind. Feel free to add to the comments if you can think of any. I don't bite 😇