#WHEW. do you know how long this has been sitting in my drafts???? do you???

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

soo hi everyone!! i'm back on my bully essay/meta/something writing!! sort of. i did this.

anyways anyone who's been on this page for some time know how from time to time i have insistently mentioned the parallels between lola and peanut, right?

welp! that was a joke but the time has finally come!! a super-pretentious essay just for the fun of it!! (and also bc i haven't been writing actually argumentative texts in like months perhaps a year, so. yikes, i really need to practice again)

word count: 2.2k WOAH. IM SORRY

i, in my corner, with my monstrous needs. — susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh

take this quote both as a title and an anticipation of what is to come. the essay will be distributed analyzing first the dependence of each of them on johnny, to then draw comparisons. i'll make sure to steer as away from headcanons as possible, sticking closely to the source text. obviously, some things' interpretation might be ambiguous, but, you know. your usual occupation hazard.

also, a disclaimer before we start: while they are psychologically complex and there is always a mimetic intention in developing them, these are fictional characters, and, as such, their primary function is to be vessels for different themes, questions and so forth. therefore, i will prioritize meaning and themes over moral implications and similar elements.

i. peanut

for how much i can adore talking about him, the way peanut depends on johnny is very much on the nose; worn on his sleeve, even. in 11:11 minutes of voice lines, he mentions johnny 30 times.

many interpret this as the caricature of a boy crush, but i have reasons to believe it is much less cute than that.

the problem is that, really, more than trying to identify specific situations... peanut seems to rely on johnny for a significant part of what he does. when he does good at dodgeball:

Look at me, Johnny, look at me!

almost like a child calling for his parent's attention to be praised. he calls johnny's name when he's going through hardships, when he's scared or when he's sad.

more than someone he just loves, johnny is a point of reference. whenever there's something going on, whenever he does or has to do something, his first thought goes to johnny; vice versa, what johnny asks of him is his priority.

I gotta tell Johnny! No time. I gotta see Johnny now. Gotta help Johnny. What can I do next to please Johnny? I mean Lola! I mean…

(this also goes in a "negative" direction, envy being the other side of the medal to adoration. especially because, in some way, this reliance on johnny might be felt by him as emasculating, and, being johnny his model of masculinity, adding it to the napoleon complex thing, it's not hard to guess why it can be so unpleasant. we can see this manifest through some of the things he expresses in regards to lola- not as much an interest he has towards her, but the interest he wishes to have from her- which are a bit more different than it might seem at a first glance. but this is a mouseketool we'll need later. still:

Last time I saw her, Lola made eyes at me, not Johnny!

do we really need this part? heh. i'm not sure, but it's always good to point out)

(also, just because, for the purpose of this analysis, it might be useful to specify: while these sentiments are very much implied in peanut's canon quotes, we have no evidence in canon in what measure they are reciprocated by johnny. the fandom has universally agreed that johnny also views peanut as his Best Friend In The World; while in some measure, they must be at least a bit close, i think it is even safe to say, given the caricaturist nature of bully's characterizations, that johnny holds peanut in less consideration that peanut deludes himself into believing. quoting another post of mine, the kids who show some level of obsession towards their leader mention him on average ten or less times (gord mentions derby eight times, parker six times, kirby mentions ted five times). the leaders don't usually make names at all, that much is true; however, peanut mentions johnny 30 times, and, even in front of this proportion, johnny mentions peanut 0 times. just to make that clear)

overall, what undeniably shines through his voice lines is a feeling of general inadequacy, whether about his height, or his strength in front of a bigger adversary. the audios in which he tries to show off range from being disingenuous, to straight up improbable.

crossing what we have until now said, it is not hard to come to the conclusion that he really tries to make up, to fill this empty feeling of inadequacy by taking pride in his role as johnny's second in command.

while i am a big fan of bully's characteristic of having left much content out of the main game, leaving the gamers to dig it up for themselves, i do believe that scrapping some of the stuff that was prepared for peanut is a loss. we have a number of voice lines coming from chapter 3, in which it was heavily implied how important peanut's role as johnny's right hand man was.

for example, much like... all other seconds in command, really, he was to be followed and then fought in the rumble, before you could get to johnny, with the specific duty to cover his back. even his very first scene, the opening cutscene of chapter 3, i believe, is not to be underestimated. most of the other people, as far as i recall, call you when they need it in person; johnny, however, sends peanut. making him, de facto, an extension of himself, almost.

again, you choose the motivation. what is important, from a narrative point of view, is that peanut clings to johnny through these acts of service, almost making it the foundation of his personhood.

basically, he makes it so that, if he can't be of help to johnny, his whole self is fundamentally annihilated, giving himself completely to johnny.

ii. lola

with lola, reading between the lines gets a bit more difficult; first of all, because lola is much less transparent than peanut, her insincerity being a supporting beam of the whole chapter 3. secondly, whether she was done dirty by the creators or not, it is undoubted that being the perspective that of a teenage boy (namely, jimmy, but we certainly, as viewers, are brought to sympathize more with johnny than with lola) with all the prejudices it can bring with itself.

however, it doesn't mean that there isn't anything to work with- quite the contrary, actually. the issue with lola is that there is a certain amount of layers to get through before gaining a satisfying perception of her as a character. still, we're here to try our best, aren't we!

even behind the muddiness of her intentions and the manipulation she shows herself a master at, it is clear from the second we first meet her that what she does is in function of johnny.

to get through this mess with order, we'll start from an easy, measurable numeric information: lola mentions johnny in her audio files 19 times. which, we're assessed, IS a considerable amount.

we have extensively talked about the way her cheating patterns are a strategy not to succumb to the passive role of the girl in the heteronormative, patriarchal prototypical couple (there's a post here breaking down a lot of this stuff, if any of you is interested!!), so, instead of this, i want to focus on what lies beneath that behavior.

ultimately, the whole point is that lola expects and wants johnny to fight for her. whether is it because she feels taken for granted, or just because he can't perceive it if not through grandiose gestures like the rumble- your interpretation will work; she wants to see johnny fighting nail and teeth not to lose her, she wants him to show her that he wants her.

she's all about that attention, and she knows exactly what and how to do to get it. and i think this is especially clear when you compare the moments in which she knows there's no advantage she could go for; when she has understood that jimmy won't fall for her manipulation, when algie and chad leave her unsatisfied, when norton openly accuses her and antagonizes her - she loses her temper, lets go of that sweetened and/or flirtatious voice tone, abandons that specific kind of gesturing. she doesn't care anymore about obtaining something. she was actually angry, and she was actually upset that johnny had disappeared.

in some of her audios, she references johnny with some amount of fondness, as well:

Johnny and I were on the best date ever.

(there is also a voice line in which she says "He told me he likes me because of my personality. Isn't that sweet?"; due to it being a general chatter and not exclusive to one chapter, i assume it is relatively safe to assume she is quoting johnny. however, as i said at the beginning, we're trying to stay as close to canon material as possible, so, do your thing- and i'm open to arguments!!)

a considerable amount of audio files, however (which will lead us to our final point) is about her... calling for help for johnny, or stating, confidently, that he will come save her, or avenge her later.

Someone get Johnny! Johnny's gonna get you for this. Johnny is gonna kill you!

but wait... i have some sense of déjà vu...

You're gonna be sorry when Johnny finds out!

iii. two faces of the same medal

if i had to pick an effective image for a metaphor, i'd say that the thing about lola and peanut is that they are both dogs looking for someone to take their leash; we’re talking here about an exclusive relationship with someone they can rely totally on, someone we’ll call the Other (with a capital o, distinguished from just other. yes it is unnecessarily complicated i’m sorry).

for what my professor would call accidents of history, it happened that both of them found that Other in johnny.

each of them attempts at creating an exclusive relationship with the Other, one foolproof and fundamentally… perfect. perfect in the way that everything works like oiled gears, in the way that every next move is predictable, in the way that any accident will not break the created equilibrium. (even if, in the general sense of the term, lola and johnny's relationship is everything but perfect, it is in the connotation that we have established here. lola is aware that, no matter what she does, johnny will come back around. hell, the very thing that she does is aimed at keeping that balance; specifically, keeping him a bit on the edge, pushing him into a corner where he has to actively make an effort to keep her close.)

they both hide something they are ashamed of, regulating not only their actions and reactions but their very way of existing in the world, in order to keep that gear working, in order to remain in johnny's hand. lola hides that craving for a genuine and stable affection, dissimulating it with the cheating and the fatuous physical demonstrations of closeness; peanut hides his sense of inadequacy and complex of inferiority, by being the tough and reliable second in command.

basically, what they mean to achieve is a sense of security, the safety of not really being the one to lead but, at the same time, finding a purpose, other than a shield from the outside world that they are not willing to concede themselves to. like a... symbiotic relationship?? i was going to say parasitic, but, yknow. the Other does get some advantages, which are, respectively, peanut's acts of service and lola's capacity to boost johnny's pride.

now, of course, johnny is not aware of either of their play. which makes it even better, since, as we already said, both of their approach to the relationship needs some degree of insincerity.

like, i don't deny that johnny might be a good friend, or a loyal one. but he is an oblivious, prideful fuck who can't see past his own nose; he's got a tendency to make it all about himself - which of course goes perfectly with what we said about both peanut and lola making the Other their center, taking up, in a certain way, a passive role in the relationship.

this way, both of them aim at creating with johnny a relationship that is, in a way, codependant and conditional, in which the do ut des (their respective "service" ↔ johnny's guarantee of stability) creates the foundation of the very relationship.

this, of course, brings up the problem of exclusivity; on which, however, i prefer not to delve into too much, as this would bring us to the topic of their antagonism which... isn't really what i wanted to go for, at least not here. (it would risk bringing us a bit too close to my subjective interpretation and too far away from the canon, which i PROMISED i wouldn't do. however, someday i might elaborate on that??? idk , please do lmk if someone's interested around here)

i will, however, show you a diagram (it looks like a triangle- i guess it is, but it is VERY important that it is a pyramid, with a top and a larger foundation) and a quote, to wrap this up bc i think it is already WAY too long and ramble-y lmao. let me know what you think anyway, my ask box is always open <3

it almost feels like a joke to play out a part when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart you know i'd rather walk alone (i'd rather walk alone) than play a supporting role if i can't get the starring role -- starring role, marina and the diamonds

[yerbamansa]

Ohhhh my god, so I wrote a novel-length fic over the last five months and I just…need to write down some Thoughts on that, because it hadn’t happened before and I have no idea if it will again, just seemed worthwhile to collect myself a bit. To be clear: I’m…really proud of myself?? Who knew I had it in me! And I think it’s a fun read! I learned a lot! More under a cut if you care to read my ramblings.

The gdoc containing my initial outline of ideas was created on October 29, 2022. I shared it with the group chat from whence the idea came, because I was planning to participate in a daily prompt challenge in November so I wasn’t going to have time for it yet. By late November, quite a bit of work was happening in the doc—a proper outline with a three-act structure I borrowed from various writing tips websites and then wandered off on my own with. I’ve never written something this structured and long before, so I searched for some structure tips.

I found a few different forms (a 9-block, 27-chapter structure; a three-act checklist) that I ended up using almost like a self-survey/brainstorm. A couple passes through that, plus trying to work it out as a character/timeline spreadsheet, gave the whole thing a much clearer shape. I knew I wanted to alternate between Ed’s and Stede’s POVs, but not limit it to theirs. Early on I decided that Oluwande would be a third POV character because (a) I love writing him and (b) the crew’s perspective is REALLY IMPORTANT. Then, because I used Lucius as an outsider, he became the fourth POV, introduced at the beginning of act 2.

[ID: A bar chart showing word count by POV character. Ed has over 34,000 words, Stede about 26,000 words, Oluwande 13,000 words, and Lucius a little under 10,000 words. End ID.]

But it’s not like I had it 100% perfectly mapped out at a chapter level, nor did I know exactly what details would…emerge. Like, I knew the shape of the details, but I kind of worked them out as I got to know this version of the characters better. The outlining process was kind of my draft: I went through it to get to the point that I could sit down and outline each chapter (or two ahead, in some cases) and then write it.

Very few things were written out of order, but the scene where they’re trapped in the storage closet was written well before I finished chapter 1. And I thought it would happen later than it did. I really thought I was gonna enemies-to-lovers these guys! 😂

There were a TON of details/potential plotlines I thought about including, but ultimately decided not to, either because it was totally out of my lane to do it justice (ex.: literally anything to do with Ed’s heritage and food—I read up some and whew, it’d have to be its own story, and not really mine to tell) and/or because it would’ve overcomplicated/distracted from the plot as it unfolded. There was a whole thing where Stede was meant to pull a Christopher Kimball thing and screw over the magazine by starting a rival publication and, you know what, there was more than enough drama to mine from just the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen debacle(s).

The idea came from a group chat, and the same group chat was instrumental in helping me flesh out a bunch of character details. That was fun. That’s also where my main beta reader came from. It’s funny, I’ve written on and off pretty much my whole life, but rarely had an editor like this. It was very collaborative and challenging in the best possible ways, I think; especially with something this long, it really helped to have someone who knew some of what was in my head but wasn’t nose-deep in it.

While it hasn’t been a runaway hit or anything, it’s had by far more eyeballs than anything else I’ve written in this fandom. Definitely a lot more comments than anything else, which is fun. Some folks I really admire have said kind things and if that didn’t make me all 😊 well. (It did, though.) It was because of those commenters that I got a sense of how it was coming off—that it was, and could be, fun and frothy and still touch on subjects that were difficult (labor rights etc.) without making light of them. At least, that’s what I hope I pulled off in the end.

There were so many random little side routes and ideas that came up while thinking about and writing this that I really had to make a series. For the one-shots. For fuck’s sake, I put too much into building out this little world and this version of each character not to.

And if one of those ends up being some kind of E-rated fic involving Mary and Evelyn, like, posing for Doug with fresh fruit still-life and it turning into A Whole Thing, so be it. (It didn’t make the story text, but Mary and Evelyn are married and Doug is Mary’s guy who lives in the guest house out back. Also they make cooking YouTube videos together as a trio. There will probably be one-shots about them because Evelyn was too much fun to write.)

[engbergsinfinland]

OK -- so I got delayed again, and I wrote part of this post on Wednesday and part of it on Friday! I will signal what is what ;)

The following four paragraphs are what I wrote on Wednesday:

Greetings and happy Wednesday to everybody. Today, I taught, and it was my last day of new content for the semester. Next week, the students have a workshop for their final presentations and then the following week they have their presentations. I can't believe how quickly we've arrived at the end of the term! Of course, we're not quite there yet, but it's within view.

I feel like I was very busy early this week. And there's still a lot more to do. Tomorrow, I have to sit on an interview panel for Fulbright and I have two recommendation letters to write for students from UNM who are applying to grad school, both to PhD programs (one in Biology, because I teach part of my load in Biology and I am happy to answer questions as to why, and one in Technical Communication), and I also have to get ready to circulate a draft article to a reading group in about ten days. This research/reading group is the "space/environment reading group" here at Tampere University and my literary studies work, the tiny bit of that that I still do, fits into their focal areas, so they're going to be nice enough to give me feedback on my draft in preparation for a presentation I'm giving to the Lawrence London Group in mid-December. I also have to make more progress on the 5th chapter of the book that I'm co-authoring with my colleague Joe. And finally, I'm writing the protocol for a research project that my colleague here, Maija, and I are doing and we have to have it go through ethical screening, because it is based around interviews with technical communication professors in Finland who teach exclusively online. Anyway, I haven't given much of a work overview lately, so, there ya have it! Whew! Stresses me out even listing everything I have to do -- and that is not even everything ;)

So, I wanted to return to "a Finnish thing" that you should know about -- since I don't have much day-to-day fun to recount, as things have been pretty routine here as of late. OK, so the Finnish national epic poem is called the Kalevala, which I wrote about last post. Let me fill in a few more details. It was compiled by a man named Elias Lönnrot in the 1830s, and he assembled it from Finnish folks songs that were well known to folk singers across eastern Finland, largely, but not only, in the Karelian region (which is now in Russia, but that is another story). So, my college roommate, Halima, and I have created a reading group to get through the Kalevala together. She loves epic poems and was game when I suggested we do this. We are about 10 cantos/books in, and it is so interesting! I have read the Odyssey and Iliad, and I have read the Irish epic (The Táin), and I had read some Icelandic epic poetry, a little bit. But, the Finnish one is a bit of an oddity, because it is not something that has been in existence as a text for very long -- only two centuries. But, as I know I mentioned, it was foundational to Finland's movements towards independence.

Anyway, Halima and I had our first Kalevala reading group on Monday. We talked about the role of women in the epic, the strategies used for enacting magical acts through song, the manner in which the hero (Väinämöinen) is cursed for not following directions, and we noted parallels to other epics. I went to the public library, Metso (which is called this because it is shaped like the bird the capercaillie, and the library is shaped like that bird), on Monday afternoon, and I ended up getting two books that are scholarly works about the Kalevala. I also checked out a kids' book called The Canine Kalevala, and the kids have read it, though I have not yet, but I looked at it enough to see that they changed a fundamental part of the narrative concerning the relationship between Väinämöinen and Aino, the sister of Joukahainen, who Joukahainen "gives" to Väinämöinen after he loses what amounts to basically a rap battle. In the epic, Aino does not want to marry Väinämöinen and drowns herself (again, I mentioned this in my last post), afterwards becoming a mermaid, and she gets to refuse Väinämöinen one more time in this form. In The Canine Kalevala, Aino does not decide for herself whether she is going to marry Väinämöinen and deny him, but rather she is rendered as a kind of Miss Piggy figure, who is in rapt pursuit of the hero (in Miss Piggy's case this is Kermit, of course). The Canine Kalevala situated Väinämöinen as having to flee from the advances of Aino! He travels north to try to evade her. This is such an odd and inaccurate change, but perhaps the author of the version for children did not want to deal with Aino's self-sacrifice and self-determination as a woman, to not marry the old man who she was given to by her worthless brother.

OK, I am writing all of the following on Friday!

So, I am going to include -- because I am a scholar, what can I say, and I need to show you textual evidence -- images of the original passages that deal with Aino deciding her own fate and of the way in which The Canine Kalevala presents Aino to children.

I encourage you to zoom in on these images and read them, you know, with all of the time you have on your hands ;)

OK, I will leave this little detour into comparative literary analysis to the side for now and tell you more about our week. Eric and I survived three more Finnish classes, a practice we manage to succeed to perform every week. There has been a real decrease in the number of students though. Some have had to leave the class because of work, some have had to leave because Finnish is just too hard a darn language, and some have had to leave because they have moved. This week, were were learning about how nouns take on different endings to connote where (from where, at where, and to where) something is taking place or where something is. It is super confusing as you might imagine, because in English and Spanish, the only two languages I know (well, I can read some French), there are actual prepositions that describe those spatial relationships. Not so in Finnish. Here is one sentence as an example. "My phone is in my purse on the table." In Finnish now: "puhelimeni on laukussani pöydällä." The first word there is "phone," the second word is "is," the third word is "in purse," and the last word is "on table." The basic forms of those words are "purse/laukku," and "table/pöytä." Now, if we were changing this to be "my phone fell out of my purse onto the floor," the directionality of the "out of" and "onto" would create new endings for those two nouns. Totally crazy! As you see, or at least this is how we feel, Finnish is a very difficult language. And on top of it all, there is a spoken Finnish and a written Finnish ;)

OK, I will tie this all up, because this has been so long! Tonight we are going to the local professional hockey teams' match against each other! They are both in the top division, which I have talked about on this blog, and they only play each other twice, about, each season. So, tonight is the Ilves/Tappara game and we are going with another family. And we're going to dinner first! Otherwise, we will have a relatively relaxed weekend, I hope, as the calendar is rather sparsely populated with things we have to do. We might do some Christmas decorating! I am sure I told you that people do that earlier here than many Americans do. We are going to jump on board that train this year.

[tetsvhoe]

REGRET AND OTHER CLICHES

you never know what you have until it’s gone, so they say. you think by now they should have known that.

pt. 1 i know who you pretend i am

character/s: kuroo tetsuro x gn!reader

genre/s: angst to fluff-ish i apologize for this

warning/s: none, just pain

gwen's notes 🤍: ik this is long overdue but kuroo's part here has been sitting in my drafts for too long AND GOD DAMN I WENT ALL OUT ON THIS WHEW other parts will be posted separately sit tight y'all

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

kuroo tetsuro

kuroo whispers “i love you” for the first time ever and hopes he is not too late. it’s your turn to think you might still be dreaming. he knows he is selfish for wanting to hear it again, for wanting to be cared by you again. he doesn’t know what to do with your love but wants to feel it again nonetheless. he is met with radio silence and makes note that this was how you must have felt all this time and wonders how you managed to stay as long as you did. his heart tugs as seconds stretch into infinities of agony when you don’t even look at him or move in the slightest.

“i love you,” he wants to say again, the words climbing out of his throat on their own. instead, he blurts out “i’m sorry.”

you finally turn to him, eyes brimmed with tears and vision blurry. you blink once, your tears fall to the ground as if they held the weight of your aching heart. “why?”

“am i too late?” his voice croaks.

“answer my question, kuroo.”

he winces at his own name like it is laced with poison and cuts through his skin. “because i am selfish.” he looks at the ground and blames gravity for pulling down on the tears he tried so hard to hold back.

you let out a bitter chuckle, staring into nothingness. “do you love me because you’re selfish or are you sorry because you’re selfish?”

he lifts his tear-stricken face to looks at you and is frightened by the look in your eyes, void of any emotion—not love, not even resentment.

"both," he whispers, lips trembling as he fights back a sob.

"why are you crying?" you chuckle softly, trying to make light of the horrible situation but it only makes it worse.

kuroo's eyes widen in fright. "i know, i know i have no right to be the one crying right now. i know i'm the one who hurt you, but... as selfish as it is, i don't want to lose you now," he sobs, pawing at your arm, wanting you to hold him against your chest so he could hear the calming beat of your heart while you stroke his unkempt hair.

"i was selfish too," you mumble absentmindedly. he gives you a puzzled look. "i pretended i was her so i could keep being with you," you smile bitterly, trying so hard to fight the tears but they sting. everything hurts.

"tetsuro, you have no idea how much i wanted you to say those words to me," you sob. grief and spite from past several months wash over you all at once. you feel like drowning. "but it doesn't feel as great as i thought would."

your throat is raw and your head is throbbing from crying too much. "it just really fucking hurts."

he tries so hard to hold you in his arms even as you thrash around, whispering a chorus of i'm sorrys and please calm downs like a prayer.

"it would have hurt less if you just told me you hate me!" your voice comes out in a scream as it fights your sobs to get the words out.

you eventually stop struggling just from the profound exhaustion. he holds you so tightly it almost hurts. he sobs into your shoulder.

"please, love i am so sorry. i can't lose you, i love you i know that now. please let me take care of you, let me make up for all the pain i put you through, please," he begs, nuzzling his head against you and placing frantic kisses all over your skin.

"please let me make it so that it doesn't hurt when i say i love you."

[rayofsunas]

s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

A/n: hello everyone! I hope your day is going alright, and that you’re doing well 🥰 I recently hit 300+ folllwers, like Sunday morning, and omg, that was the best thing to wake up too 🥺❤️ thank you those new and old for following and taking a chance with my account and sometimes trashy works 🙃 I’m gonna make a longer post at some point saying my thanks and discuss what I plan to do to celebrate 300 followers. It would really mean a lot to me if you guys chimed in if you have any ideas, after all, this is a thanks to you and I want you all to be involved! also, if you saw my recent rambles about how a draft was deleted, it’s referring to this post... what I had written got deleted TWICE in the span of FIVE MINUTES. gosh I was so pissed, I almost screamed. mobile tumblr is not it 😔 but here we are. I hope you like this. I tried to write this three times.... 🤡 also, since I am not a doctor or anything, I put a link to possible symptoms/what a “mental breakdown” is, that’s in the warnings, just click the link, it helped with my accuracy. 

Summary: s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

Parings: Xiao/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader, Albedo/Reader, Childe/Reader (all fem reader)

Warnings: angst, mental breakdown (panic attacks, stress, anxiety, ptsd, hallucinations, insomnia) fluff, swearing, mentions of death, mentions of injury

Word count: 3.5k (whew after tumblr DELETING this draft twice here we are folks ;-;)

requested by @mintyhuening​ 

​

Xiao

he knew you weren’t okay at all

Xiao knew the moment you locked yourself in your house

at first he thought maybe you were just temporarily feeling this way, but as the weeks passed and you hadn’t come out, he decided maybe not

coming from someone who enjoyed silence and solitude he could understand the distancing part, but it had been weeks, and even he needed socialization, so why hadn’t you come out?

you spoke to him through the door a few times, letting him know you were alright

he didn’t believe that though, sure you were alive, but not alright, he was mainly checking for confirmation to see if you were still alive while he thought of a good way to approach the situation

he didn’t want to invade your privacy, but he also hated the fact that you wouldn’t come out, not even to see him

it was lonely without you, he concluded

even for someone who enjoy solitude 

you were a careful creature, but never this careful and cautious...

were humans always like this?

eventually, he couldn’t stand it, and did find other ways to get into your house

he grew antsy after pacing outside your door for days

he found you huddled in your bed, a heap of pillows and blankets surrounding you

you were shocked to see him when he’d sat down on the foot of the bed, causing it to dip significantly 

“How did you get in?” You snapped once you saw who it was. 

“I have my ways.” He said raspily. With a huff of annoyance, you were back to facing the wall, away from the Adepti. 

“It’s dark in here.” He announced matter a factly, looking around the nearly pitch-black room, windows and doors covered by sheets and hefty duty curtains. “It’s how I like it.”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t care, go away.”

Xiao was starting to grow impatient surprisingly, he truly just wanted to help, why couldn't you see that?

“Being passive is not going to help the situation, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”

He worried. If he said the wrong, would you push him away even further? If he said the right thing, would you even care? Did you want help?

Xiao moved closer to you, hand going to touch your leg, although it was underneath the blankets, you felt it and did have to admit the affection was comforting.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Xiao said. “Your friends miss you, I miss you as well.”

Maybe if you weren’t cooped up here anymore, you would start to come around. The room and house all together were very stuffy, dark, and depressing, he despised it.

“It’s beautiful outside, come with me,” he'd whispered. “At least if you don’t want to be around people, could you allow me to take you to a secluded area?”

“The fresh air will do you good.”

You were thinking about it, you had to of been if you still cared. 

“Fine, mother.” He watched with hope in his eyes as you slowly rose from the bed, and began

The outside world was very very bright at first, enough to induce a headache. But you became used to it the more you were out.

Xiao stayed true to his word like you knew he would unless you wouldn’t have come. You were taken to a very secluded area, there wasn’t even a path or road to it, just green luscious grass, and crystal core everywhere, beautiful blue and orange ones; Anemo and Geo respectively. You weren’t sure where you were, somewhere between Mondstadt and Liyue, you assumed. 

The fresh air did wonders, Xiao had noticed. You seemed to open up. Telling him a little of the problem. You had told him about how life was just stressful right now, you hadn’t taken any commissions in weeks, spoken to any of your friends Mondstadt, hence why they had come to him, accusing him of kidnapping and brainwashing you. He was offended, nonetheless let them know that wasn’t the case. 

The ever so secluded Xiao would take you out more, slowly introducing you to crowds of people, and would still take you on daily walks to that secret place you now called your special spot.

It would take a while, he knew that, and you wouldn’t be comfortable doing everything that others around you did, maybe not for a while. He could respect that, as long as you allowed him to help and encourage you.

Scaramouche

being a harbinger was HARD, Scaramouche knew that, even if he didn’t admit it

admitting it was challenging, could lead to always being doubted or seen as incompetent. therefore, no one mentions how hard it is

he had been off doing his duties when he got news that you had lashed out at a few lower rank fatui on your team, resulting in you being called in to meet with The Tsaritsa... let's just say she went easy on you because you were one of her highest ranking soldiers, if not, she would've severely punished you

you were forced back to your sleeping quarters immediately to calm down, told to stay put until you could stop “lashing out like a child” as she had put it

you weren’t one to argue against The Tsaritsa, everyone knew that was common rule... so you walked back as calmly as you could without snapping at anyone else

when Scaramouche had heard how you acted, he was annoyed

the always so calm and calculated Y/n, lashing out at her fellow members? he couldn’t help but be annoyed, despite it being completely out of character of you

he had finished his duties relatively quick, wondering why you were acting so out of character 

when he got back, he found you in your sleeping quarters, pacing in front of the large windows near the furthest end of your room

you were still wearing your typical combat gear, though your hair disheveled and body language looking extremely anxious, he hoped it was not yours...

“What did you do this time?” Had asked the violet-eyed man, carelessly throwing his hat on your bed, lean arms folding across his chest.

No response. 

“Excuse me, I believe I asked you a question.”

A loud irritable huff.

“Be quiet for once in your life, Scaramouche.” You hissed, anxiously biting at your nails. “Sorry- I’m just trying to calm down, but my heart can’t stop racing.”

Scaramouche wasn’t the most in-touch person with his feelings, and out of all the harbingers, he was one of the more difficult ones to deal with.

Surprisingly, he had shut up, despite finding it difficult to hold his malicious comment back.  

“What’s wrong?” Your lover asked, more softly this time. 

“My mission today was... hard. I know you said it’s important for missions to just be a one and done; no hard feelings. And you know I’ve always been that way. But this one was different.” His eyebrows furrowed, his forehead creasing in annoyance. 

“I can’t help but think about what they did.” 

“Did you get what you went for? I heard you sought after information regarding that Knight, Aether.”

“Yes, but-”

“I’d call that a successful mission,” He stared intensely, casually moving to sit on the comfort of your bed. Of course, he wouldn’t take this seriously. “Any casualties?”

“None of our men, but-”

“I don’t see the problem.”

“There were children, three little children, and those idiots just slaughtered them.”

“Ah... I see.”

Despite stating he understood, he really couldn’t sympathize with what you were saying. Those children were enemies as long as they worked against The Tsaritsa. 

Your voice suddenly cut through the silence, staring directly into his eyes, “What if those were our children?”

“They weren’t.” Your eyes rolled at his comment. 

“But what if!” He rolled his eyes, mocking your previous action. 

“But they weren’t.” He mocked for a second time.  

“You’re not helping, Scaramouche!”

“You’ll never understand, unless you see what I saw,” He knew you were right to some degree, but even then would he feel bad? A mission was a mission after all.

“They were begging me to protect them, and the youngest, she would not let go of my arm and then the next thing I knew, they were dead.” You continued, left hand going to grip your right, he assumed to show him where and how the said girl had gripped you. You were still shaking, this time being closer, he noticed how bad it was. 

“They were pleading, I told them I would try my best, and then-” He had long ago stood, making himself present in front of you. His warm hands had grabbed your shaking ones harshly, ceasing the trembling momentarily. 

“Please, be quiet,” The sixth harbinger snipped. “I don’t like seeing you upset.” Although it sounded harsh, he was trying his best to make it sound how he felt, even if those feelings were minuscule towards this specific topic. 

“Although, I don’t agree with you about this particular concern of yours- I will do whatever you need to help you.”

Albedo

now, he may just be an alchemist, but trust me, Albedo sees the signs before anyone, he has some sort of familiarity with them due to his incessant reading

and it may have taken him longer to see the signs because of how busy he was, but he saw them

he was no fool to the likes of insomnia, in fact he knew it very well, often staying up very late into the night and morning, sometimes for days at a time

he was cooped up in his lab and it wasn’t as if his body wasn’t tired, cause hell he was, there was just s much more to learn and discover, his brain WOULD not stop, 

Albedo hadn’t known how long this had been going on for, but he was seeing signs now

ngl, he didn’t notice that you hadn’t been sleeping properly until one night he decided to accompany you in bed earlier than usual (It was three a.m, yikes), and found that you were awake still

you were lying still on your side of the bed, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that he reached over to kiss your cheek, only to see your eyes open, he would’ve assumed you were alright and asleep

“You’re awake?” The ashy-blonde man asked, sliding into bed next to you. 

“Can’t sleep.” You shrugged nonchalantly, scooting closer to him, seeking his warmth and comfort. 

“You should’ve come to get me, I would’ve come to bed earlier with you.”

“It’s alright, I peeked in to see if you were still alive,” You joked, he chuckled. “You seemed very busy.”

“Yes, but, I thought I told you to remind me when you need attention, I often get sidetracked and enamored with my work.”

“It’s quite alright, Albedo. As long as you’re sleeping.”

He hummed, whispering tired words of adoration in your ear. That carried on for a while, as long as talking about the day's work and whatnot, until you eventually questioned, “Can I play with your hair?” The gesture was sweet, and that did sound amazing right about now since he was on the brink of sleep, but just needed that little push. But weren’t you tired?

“Aren’t you tired?”

You sat up, climbing behind Albedo, gently placing his head in your lap. “I’ll go after you.” A soft smile adorned your beautiful face. “You need sleep, you stay up for Archon knows how long.”

He selfishly allowed his eyes to close and waited for sleep to accompany him while you began untangling his two braids and ponytail. You played with and braided his hair until he’d fallen asleep as you said. You stayed up the rest of the morning though.

Eventually, probably out of boredom, you fell asleep for an hour or two around five a.m. Though, unfortunately, you were back up before six. You busied yourself while Albedo slept, starting with cleaning his lab. Albedo often did not like people touching his books, paperwork, and findings, but after instructing you how to properly take care of his stuff, he welcomed your help with open arms, seeing as though his lab was ALWAYS in shambles from not having enough time to take care of things himself.

Albedo surprisingly woke up around nine, wavy hair surrounding him like a lion, you chuckled to yourself at the sight. “How did you sleep?”

“Alright, considering my sleep schedule is nonexistent a lot of the time.” You nodded, bumping shoulders teasingly. “How about you?” 

“Okay,” You said, immediately changing the subject. “I woke up early, so I cleaned your lab, I hope it’s to your likings, Kreideprinz.” You teased, bowing at the waist.

The alchemist waved you off, with a smile. “We’ll see about your organizational skills after you eat.” 

How had he known?

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Albedo asked, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

“That obvious.” You wondered trailing after him. 

“You always wait for me, darling.”

- 

“You look exhausted.” Albedo’s concerned voice cut in through the smooth Mondstadt breeze. You had been so distracted with the discovery in front of you, you hadn’t realized your boyfriend was staring directly at you. “When was the last time you slept?” He glanced back down at the discovery, still listening, but if you didn’t speak soon he’d be lost in his world again.

“A day or two, but-” Albedo probably got whiplash from how hard he’d snapped his head to face you, but now he was staring at you with features reading nothing but shock, cerulean eyes blown wide.

“I think your bad sleeping schedule is contagious.” You joked, trying to make the situation lighter-hearted. He didn’t laugh. 

Albedo was more serious this time, proving it when he faced you completely. “What’s been going on?” His voice was soft, but he was extremely worried. 

Nervousness built up in his lover's body. “Nothing! I just-” You sighed. Might as well tell him the truth, he’d coerce the answer from you no matter what it took. “It’s been harder to sleep after my injury from that ruin guard. When it hit me, I banged my head against the concrete, and ever since I guess it’s been hard to sleep.” 

“You could've told me sooner. I would have stopped everything and anything for you.” Yes, that was true, that was the problem though. You didn’t want to be coddled like a baby

“I know, I’m not sure why I didn’t... Naturally, I don’t want to worry you.”

He moved closer to you so he could cradle your face in his hands. “You can always tell me anything you know that.”

“I understand that. You’re a busy man so-”

“From this moment on, my work will be dedicated to finding a cure for you.”

You panicked, not wanting to stop his work for the likes of what you were dealing with. “What? Wait no-”

“You can’t stop me, darling. You take precedence over everything.”

Albedo made it his goal to do whatever possible to help you. Whether it be spending days in his lab making concoctions in hopes of creating something that could safely aid you with sleep. Or he’s in the libraries, reading all the books on the wellness and health of humans. He’s already on top of it the minute you expressed your concerns. In the meantime, he’s going to make sure he goes to bed with you much earlier, and won’t go until you do, to ensure you’re resting.

We love sweet caretaker Albedo.

(I understand insomnia can have other causes, not just a mental or nervous breakdown, but it’s kind of implied when reader hurt her head that she’s not well.)

Childe

Childe is simply not going to know your not well, he just won’t, it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s more so the fact that he has a hard time paying attention to anything other than his missions and duties, he does not want to slow down

you have to show signs or tell him to realize

he decided to take a break though, seeing as he did promise you dinner tonight. he told you it would be his treat, since he did have a bunch of Mora lying around that he simply had no other use for

he figured a nice dinner and trip to one of the nicer cities with more to offer would be nice, he would buy you anything you desired

it was nearing the time for dinner though, and the reservations had already been made, so when he was left waiting, let's just say he was irked...

if you didn’t want to show up, you would’ve told him, so maybe you forgot? he concluded that couldn’t be it

the last time he’d brought it up, two days ago, you had been so excited you couldn’t sit still nor stop talking about it

asking a few people around town if you had been spotted anywhere, some said you had wandered off to Luhua Pool, something about there being a myth about special healing properties within the water

now he was even more confused

one, you NEVER went to Luhua Pool, there was never a need to do so

two, special healing properties? why would you need that? were you hurt in his absence?

you were his family, and he loved his family more than anything, so if something was wrong, he’d do whatever it took to help you

he traveled from Snezhnaya to Luhua Pool in record speed

he did find you eventually, the sun was setting, but thanks to the glowing water he could make your form out easily

you were hunched over, in what looked like to be some simple greenish cloth dress, he couldn’t see what you were doing, and called out your name

no answer

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” The orange-haired teen asked, crouching down beside his lover to see what was wrong.

“Cleaning.” You had said. That’s when his dull blue eyes traveled to what you were doing, watching with a confused stare as you scrubbed at what seemed to be clean hands.

“Hmm, I see...” He couldn’t tell if this was a prank or not, you usually played along with his teasing nature. “Are you ready for dinner?”

“Was that really today?” Your head lifted, leaving your hands to momentarily hanging in the air, water droplets dripping off into the pool.

Okay... so you did forget it seemed, which did shock him seeing as though you were over the moon, less than seventy-two hours ago.

“Uh, yeah, did you really forget? That’s unlike you! I’ve learned women don’t forget anything.” He teased, hand going to his chin. You hummed, turning back to do whatever it was you had been previously.

The harbinger frowned. “Do you still want to go? We can make it if we’re fast.” You sounded like a robot, much like a ruin guard, he concluded. 

“I’m sorry, not today, I’m dirty...”

Childe couldn’t help but chuckle, “Dirty? Sweetheart, you’re cleaner than most people I’ve seen, what’re you on about-” 

“The blood, it’s stained my hands, can’t you see?” Even after holding your hands to show him, he saw nothing resembling blood. 

“Are you playing games with me? Sure, it would’ve been funny any other day, not today though-” 

“You don’t believe me?” You sounded hurt, but whatever was going on, he wouldn’t feed into these... false hallucinations. “The townspeople said the same thing, they called me crazy...” You scrubbed even harder at your hands, letting out a frustrated huff. 

“I don’t see anything, I’m really sorry,” He said gently, reaching into the water to grasp your warm hands in his, “But if you continue to do that...I will see the blood.”

Childe was not sure what was going on, maybe some sort of PTSD? Although, he wasn’t sure where it could’ve come from... you’re not a harbinger or fatui, or anyone that is engaged in battle, etc. so it didn’t make sense. Unless something happened that decided to resurface now. 

He immediately took you home, hand in his to keep you from further scratching your hands. On the journey, you often asked, “Why are you even touching me? There’s a lot of blood.” 

He didn’t want to have to feed into whatever was going on, worried he’d damage you somehow, and he didn’t want to make you sound crazy, so instead he said, “Because I love you.”

When you both arrived home, he’d immediately laid you in bed, saying you appeared tired before going to search for a doctor.

Child will see every and all doctors in Teyvat and will pay whatever amount necessary to figure out what’s wrong, that’s for sure. Doesn’t take orders from the harbingers (not like he was anyways) and opts to stay close to you at all times. 

He decided to keep his teasing to a minimum, though he found that sometimes things slipped out accidentally, he’d do anything in his power to help you.

1.18.21, rayofsunas 

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hey Quil!

There's literally so much to say here my dude. Like-I just physically cannot put into words as to how much I love what you do for this fandom.

I have never in my life, met such an incredibly talented creator like you. /gen

The way that you can put words down on a page is so elegant, it's a talent that is just simply unfathomable to me. You just kind of suck me in with your writing--I have to clear a time to read the next chapter of the wings au because of how deeply you're able to weave your words to pull me into the narrative.

The world that you've built in your head, and the ideas that you churn out onto the page are so very incredible. And that's not just about writing either.

Seriously!! When I found out you could draw my reaction was pretty much. Well I guess it's over now, Quil's over here, hoarding all of the talent and stylistic choices of writing and art. /lh

I remember vividly when I first saw the wings AU. I was actually on my phone, at school, in the hallway (no shame apparently) and I saw Shattered Upside Down on the list of things. And I read the description and I sat there for a minute and I went.

Huh. That seems kind of weird. And I clicked off of it.

Can I just say!!! How funny that is!! Like I think I've been this invested in two fics ever, and my first reaction to seeing this was "eh I'll pass" ?!?!?!

Past Tobi this is literally right up your ally. It is dystopianizing + dragonifying your kotlc. Why the fuck would you want to pass on it????

Anyway, it was only three days later that I came around and gave it a shot (after seeing the one chapter and the word count.) And let me tell you. I knew I was hooked.

I knew it.

I remember so well sitting in the dark, on vacation, excitedly stimming on my bed after the fourth chapter came out. I had the Wiggles from a story!!! This had never happened before. I'd gotten squirmy yes, but I had to stand up!!! Because whew this story was really fucking good!!!!!

And Quil. Quil I cannot tell you how much the wings AU means to me. Like as a story but as an idea as a whole. And ik we're getting to the ah ha moment, and I know this means that it's ending, and while I'm so sad to see it go I'm also really excited to see how you write a conclusion to this.

Anyway if you want to see my shitty doodles of the wings AU from like...omg over a year now. (Quil it's been over a year since I drew those) just let me know.

Anyway, enough talking about my lord and savior (Shattered Upside Down) /hj

Thank you so very much for inspiring and writing every day. You're honestly such a cool human being, and it's been so fun getting to see you create on here <33

Oh my gosh this is so incredibly kind of you I'm at a loss of where to start to try and articulate back how much this means to me and how much I appreciate it.

Hearing that my words just kinda suck you in because of how I weave my stories makes me laugh a little because it feels wildly out of proportion with my writing approach. I think I've said this before, but I basically don't edit like at all. Everything you read is what I first wrote; it is the first draft. So you saying is both greatly appreciated and also amusing because I'm just winging it

And thank you for the compliments on my drawing, as well! You're not the first person to say that (discovering I could draw later on), which is wild because there was a time in the fandom where I was foremost considered a fanartist compared to...whatever I am now.

I love that you clicked off the wings au because if I am being 100% honest...I probably would do the exact same thing. I think if I saw the wings au out in the wild, I wouldn't read it. I'd go "huh, I don't really like aus, and this is too long" and just move on. Because it's true! I don't really like aus (they're great! just not for me most of the time) or long fics, so if it wasn't my story I'd absolutely skip right past it without a second thought.

I'm incredibly flattered to hear you were hooked, like that is such an amazing thing to hear as a writer than someone is that invested in your story--and giving you the wiggles!! You are giving me the wiggles right now as I'm reading through this just in awe. I'm thrilled you think the story is good because it's truly expanded beyond what I ever thought it would be, which is terrifying, but also so excited to watch (I say as if I'm not writing it). And I can't believe you were reading it on vacation like please enjoy your vacation the wings au can wait

Tobi. I cannot explain to you how much it means to me that the wings au means something to you. I started this story purely self-indulgently after I started mindlessly associating characters with wings, making the joke "well no fandom is complete without a wings au" to cover up how invested I was getting in such a "silly" concept. Like really? A wings au? Could it get any more basic?

And while the story is starting to come to a close (there's a lot left to write but like timeline wise...we're getting there), I really hope that I can live up to the rest of the au and the expectations. I've known what I wanted the final message, the final hurrah to be since I started; it's all been working towards that, but I don't know exactly how we'll get there or what shape it will take.

I'm both terrified and ecstatic to see what the wings au will become and I just hope I can do it justice.

Also I would absolutely love to see any doodles you're comfortable sharing. Seeing art of the wings au always makes my day and I'm incredibly honored that my story inspired you to create something.

Thank you so much for everything you've said, I don't know how to explain my appreciation for this. I hope to continue creating things and sharing them and having fun with everyone here for as long as possible, so thank you for being so receptive and encouraging about it all, this seriously made my day <33

[fairyhee]

Chocolate eclairs (pt.2)

{Part 1}

🍫 optional bias x reader

🍫 ~5.6k words

🍫 smut, enemies to lovers, slight dom/sub themes, praise kink, some dirty talk, oral (both receiving), face sitting (whew), reader has a thing for hands

(I might have dragged everything out for too long? I’m not sure, you tell me, but I just love thinking about all the details so I went with it. Also while I was writing, at some point I lost half of it and had to re-write it because the damn app didn’t save my changes to the draft 🙃 anyways thank you for reading!)

So far, nothing was going as planned today, but somehow you didn’t mind it anymore. At first you were extremely annoyed to say the least, but you slowly started to think having a tall and ridiculously handsome guy follow you around wasn’t so bad after all. Even though he was purposely being irritating, as always, just to get reactions out of you, it was worth enduring for the random flirty remarks he spat out every once in a while. Was he always like this? Did you only realize it now because you were too busy thinking how obnoxiously confident he was, or did he really also dislike you before? You were quite confused, but you at least thought you should enjoy the moment.

After buying those damn chocolate eclairs that you had been craving for a week, and after he insisted to pay, all while poking fun at how you were gonna die at a young age from how much sugar you consume, your next stop would have been the lingerie store. Except now you had him coming along with you, so you weren’t very sure what you should do. To buy some time, you pretended to look at all the stereotypically “romantic” objects that people usually gifted each other on Valentine’s day. Just for fun, you weren’t planning on hinting at anything, but you just wanted to see what he’d be like. Not to mention window shopping was one of your favorite activities when you had nothing else better to do. He, on the other hand, had his mind fixed on one thing solely.

“Y/n, aren’t we eating those eclairs? You didn’t want them just to carry them around, did you?” he asked with a pout.

“Excuse me, since when is there a ‘we’? They’re my eclairs, and I’m saving them for later. I told you I have plans, were you even listening to me?”

“You have plans, right. Well you should be careful then, that boyfriend you have plans with might get jealous if he sees you walking around with a guy like me. I honestly wouldn’t blame him if he felt threatened, after all, you just let the most handsome dude around here buy you coffee and sweets...oh wait, I forgot. You actually don’t have a boyfriend, do you now?” he said in a sarcastic tone. 

“It’s extremely funny that you think I need a man in order to have plans on Valentine’s day. I can very well take care of myself, thank you very much.”

“You can take care of yourself in what way exactly? Because if it’s what I’m thinking of, I bet I can do it better.”

“Thank you for your concern, h/n, but if you think you can buy your way into my pants with some sweets, then you have a very low and unrealistic expectation of me. If you want to impress me, try harder.”

“Oh don’t worry, this is far from my best shot. You just look so hot when you’re mad at me, I can’t stop myself.” he said with a sheepish laugh.

You blushed slightly, both at his words and from seeing him grinning so cutely. He had no business looking all cute like that after he had just literally suggested you sleep with him. How could he switch from being so cocky to getting shy for you in just a matter of seconds? You couldn’t help but wonder what he’d actually be like in bed. Especially since he had just showed a new side of him, a particular image of him being submissive to you was stuck on your brain. You could feel your face heating up, and you hoped he didn’t notice how red your cheeks had probably become.

Brushing it off, you entered a random toy store, feigning interest in some plushies. As you were admiring the various teddy bears that came in all shapes and colors, you noticed he had been surprisingly silent since your last exchange. You threw a glance at him and he seemed to have found some games he was interested in, as he had his eyebrows furrowed, trying to read the instructions on the back of some boxes. Perfect, you thought to yourself, now that he’s distracted, you could think of a plan. What the hell were you gonna do about the lingerie? You didn’t want to give up on buying it, you had wanted it for a long time and now was the perfect occasion. Did you want to go with him? Would he want to even enter the store with you? Would he become flustered and make things awkward? Would it be weird if you suddenly told him to leave you alone for a couple of minutes and meet you later? Or should you just end your meeting right there? You weren’t even sure how you wanted to spend the rest of the day anymore, but you for sure didn’t intend to abandon your plans completely for this man that barged into your solo Valentine’s day like that, despite the fact that you were starting to get interested in him.

While you were definitely overthinking the situation, h/n had long finished browsing the board games section. Suddenly, you felt someone’s hot breath near the side of your neck. 

“Y/n. You’ve been staring at that teddy bear for 3 minutes now. Did you not have any as a child, or do you want me to buy it for you that bad? You could just ask, you know.” 

Startled by the proximity of his voice, you turned your head to him and took a few steps away. “Wow, you sure have a talent for being rude. You’re still annoying even when you’re trying to hit on me.” you said trying to seem unaffected. However, you would lie if you said that feeling his breath on your skin didn’t send shivers down your spine. 

He chuckled at your reaction and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

“So? Do you want it or not?”

“With that sort of attitude, I shouldn’t even answer. So what if I wanted it, what would you do? There’s nothing between us, so why would you buy it for me?” you taunted. You knew he was trying to make you soften up, but you weren’t falling for it just yet.

“Who said I’d buy it for you? If I did and you ended up sleeping with a stuffed toy every night, that would just be unfair.” he pouted. Why was he acting this cute now? This man was so confusing.

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“I don’t wanna be jealous of a teddy bear. I’d rather you would sleep with me instead.”

You stared at his triumphant smile for a few seconds, at a loss for words. He looked like he just made the best pick-up line ever. It was so bad, yet you wanted to accept his wish and take him home. What was wrong with you? 

“You’re absolutely obnoxious, did you know that? Wipe that smirk off your face, you look like an idiot.”

He laughed. “But somehow you’re still putting up with me. I’d say you’re doing a great job enduring me. Unless...you’re actually enjoying my company, which I suspect you do.”

“Yeah, whatever. Come on, I have one more thing to get before I can finally go home and get rid of you.”

You had made up your mind. You weren’t letting any man interfere with your plans.

Walking in the most confident way possible, you entered the lingerie store. You didn’t even spare him a glance as you looked through the pieces, searching for something that would match your taste. You were dying to know what his reaction was, what he was thinking, but you weren’t giving in. Suddenly, you had an idea. Acting like what you were doing was the most normal thing, you picked out two options, pretending you couldn’t decide between them. One was a black see-through set adorned with velvet hearts, while the other was made out of red lace and a bunch of straps that looked like a harness. Either way, both were made more to reveal rather than cover you up. Holding one in each hand, you turned to look at him with an unfazed expression plastered on your face.

“Make yourself useful for once and help me decide. Which one do I get?”

Seeing the way he was looking at you made a flush of heat spread across your face. His eyes were dark and he looked like he would have devoured you right then and there. You didn’t know what you expected, but this look was definitely not it.

He took a few seconds to respond, during which his gaze on you only seemed to intensify. He almost looked angry, clenching his jaw and eyeing you so strongly.

“You’d look great in both, but I’d take the red one.”

Hearing his choice, you immediately hung it back on the rack and took your other option to the cash register. 

You heard him scoff behind you. “Why bother asking me if you were gonna pick that one anyway?”. He was smiling, but it was clear that he was trying to control his frustration. 

You gave him the sweetest smile in the world. “I liked both equally and couldn’t decide, so I’m getting the one you like less. Since you’re never gonna see me wearing it anyway.”

“You drive me insane. That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Really? But you’re the one that’s been following me around all day. Now you’re angry with me, how come?” you said innocently.

He smirked and took a few steps until he was so close, you could feel his hot breath on your face, but you didn’t back away and maintained his gaze. His scent was intoxicating, and you were trying your best to not show how into him you were already.

“If you want to make me angry, you’ll have to try harder, babygirl.” you clenched your thighs hearing that word escape his lips. “I like your teasing a little too much, actually. But making me imagine you wearing all these pretty things only to point out that I can’t have you the way I want? I have to admit, that was pretty mean.”

“Are you challenging me? Then I guess I need to step up my game to really get back at you.”

“Alright then, let’s make a deal. If you fail to make me angry by tonight, you have to go on a date with me. What do you say?”

You couldn’t stop the smirk forming on the corner of your lips. “Deal. You know, now I kinda understand why you keep bothering me. It’s actually fun trying to get you annoyed.” This time you weren’t lying.

He smiled back at you. “Glad we’re on the same page about one thing at least. So, any other torturous shopping that we need to do today? An adult store, maybe, since you said you like to take care of things yourself?”

“Nice try. I actually have a table reserved for later today, so I’m gonna have to go home and get ready. I wanted to go alone and have some me-time, but since I don’t plan on losing that challenge, I guess now you gotta come with me.”

He stopped in his tracks. “Wait a second,”he said and put the back of his palm on your forehead as if checking for a fever, “now it sounds like you’re the one asking me out. What happened? Are you okay?” he asked in an overly dramatic way. Oh great, now he was back to being the town circus. 

“It’s not a date, silly. Hopefully, it’s gonna be the worst dinner of your life, so I won’t have to see your face ever again.”

“You do know that I could just not show up and make you lose the bet, right?”

“If you do that, you won’t get my number. So no way to receive your prize.” Besides, you thought to yourself, wasn’t tonight already a date in itself? There was no way he would skip on that, or at least so you hoped. “See you at 6.” you said as you walked away, leaving him behind. 

By now your only desire was to get him totally whipped for you. He might have seen through your intentions already, but you couldn’t care less. The fights and arguments that were real in the beginning had now become an act, some sort of game to see which one of you would give in first. And you weren’t backing down until you had him completely wrapped around your finger. This year’s V-day turned out to be a lot more fun than you initially thought. 

After getting home, you took your sweet time showering and making yourself as pretty as possible. Having drenched yourself in perfume and strawberry scented body lotion, you put on the new lingerie and a red dress that complimented your figure. You did some minimal, but flattering make-up and took a good look in the mirror. You looked good enough to eat. Exactly what you wanted.

By the time you arrived at the restaurant, he was already waiting for you, and you realized he had probably tried just as hard as you to look hot. And he had definitely done a great job. His hair was pushed back and the suit jacket he was wearing highlighted his broad shoulders and tall figure. You wanted him to push you against a wall right then and there.

“Are you sure you’re not made out of sugar? You look so good, I’m afraid that if I touch you, you’d melt under my fingers.”

“You wish. I don’t even get a hi, you start our conversation with a lame pick-up line? This evening is going to be even more boring than I thought.” you said rolling your eyes.

“It’s good to see you again too. Come on, let’s order quickly, I’m starving.” he said as he was already looking through the menu.

After this first exchange, the rest of the dinner actually went on pretty normally. Without realizing, you had gotten comfortable with each other and stopped arguing altogether. Now you were just chatting about whatever came to mind, enjoying your meals and each other’s company. However, you did notice his eyes lingering a little too long on your exposed neck and chest, which you did your best to bring forward as much as you could when you moved around. You were hyper aware of his gaze on every move you made and you loved the attention he was giving you. You felt like you were the only woman in the room for him, the only one that deserved his attention. You suddenly remembered you were supposed to get him angry, but you weren’t sure you didn’t want a second date after all. However, you felt the need to say something about it.

“Look at all these couples enjoying their romantic dinner, and then there’s us. Here for the sole purpose of annoying each other.”

“If that was the purpose, I’d call this an epic fail.” he said with a smile and took a sip of his gin tonic,”So you still don’t want to admit that this is, in fact, a date?”

“Why would it be one, when we haven’t done anything out of the ordinary? We are just two people eating out together.”

“Good thing the evening isn’t over, then. Great choice of restaurant, by the way. But even though the food was amazing, I’d still prefer eating you out.” 

His bluntness caught you off guard, and you let the glass you were previously holding down on the table with a little more force than intended. From the impact, your drink splashed everywhere, including on yourself.

You moved a bit of the fabric of your dress away so you could wipe the martini drops that had just spilled on your chest, which uncovered the strap and the top part of your bra for a few seconds. You didn’t think much of it, but heard him swallow loudly. When you raised your eyes back to meet his, he was looking at you like he wanted to undress you with his eyes.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Did what on purpose?” you asked confused.

“Don’t act so innocent, you know exactly what I’m saying.”

“No idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, care for dessert? You need some sugar in your system, you seem to be turning grim again.”

“If by dessert you mean you, then I’ll gladly accept. You have enough sugar to keep me up for a long time.” he said with a smirk.

“Oh god, can you cut the disgusting jokes out? You make me sick.” 

“You’ll be even more disappointed to find out they’re not jokes. By the way,” he leaned over the table so he could bring his face a little closer to yours, “we’ve almost finished our drinks and you still haven’t made me angry. Time is ticking.” 

You fell silent for a couple of seconds, and played with your necklace while deep in thought. You were done playing this game. You wanted him, and you wanted him tonight. You wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but ever since you stepped foot in that place all you had been imagining were his veiny hands all over your body, how pretty his long fingers were and how much you wanted them inside you. He hadn’t even touched you once, but your panties were feeling damp already just by staring at his hands or seeing him clenching his jaw. You hadn’t noticed that your fidgeting with your necklace had caught his attention and he was now practically staring at your boobs without any hint of shame in his eyes. Your chest was heaving up and down as his eyes set your skin ablaze and your thoughts ran wild. Of course his gaze didn’t miss your heavy breathing. His fist was clenched on his glass and the veins on his arm protruded even more than usual. Your brain was so intoxicated with him that it completely forgot how to form sentences, leaving him without a reply. He leaned closer to you over the table and all but whispered.

“Just say the words, and I’ll give you whatever you want. All you have to do is say it.”

You hesitated, questioning whether you should swallow your pride or not. You stared into his deep brown eyes, glistening with lust, and admired his plump, slightly parted lips, silently pleading for you to stop this stupid game and finally admit what you’re feeling for each other. He was done playing, and so were you.

“It’s finally time for those eclairs.” 

A knowing smile spread on his face, as if he had just won the lottery.

The ride to your place was awfully silent. You felt like you could cut the tension in the atmosphere with a knife. Sitting near him in the back of the cab and just feeling his presence so close to you kept your skin burning up during the entire ride. He still hadn't touched you in the slightest, not even on your hand, and at this point you thought it was intentional just so you'd become desperate for him. It was working. It felt like the drive was taking ages, so you decided to have some fun and tease him a little.

You slowly slid your hand over your legs, starting from your knees and going up towards the hem of your dress, pulling it up ever so slightly. He noticed your movements instantly, and his eyes snapped to you. Now that you were assured he was watching, your hand traveled further under your dress, carefully so it doesn't reveal too much, and started running your own fingers across your damp panties.

His eyes widened, and you saw his adam's apple move when he swallowed a lump in his throat. "What do you think you're doing?" he whispered.

"What does it look like to you? I am an independent woman. Since you have not laid a hand on me all day, I'm doing it myself."

"You're an impatient one, aren't you?" you maintained his gaze but didn't stop your actions, slipping a finger underneath your underwear and whimpering ever so quietly, enough for only him to hear. You were determined to bring him down.

Like you had just pressed a button, his body reacted to your sounds faster than expected. The vein on his hand twitched as he quickly grabbed your wrist and held it in place.

"If you don't stop that, I’ll make sure you have trouble walking tomorrow." his words sent a shiver down your spine. With that, he firmly pulled your hand away and intertwined his fingers with yours, as if preventing you from causing more trouble. You decided to obey him, for now.

After a couple of minutes, you were arriving at your place. He followed you silently into the building and into the small elevator, where you were met with another crisis. He looked like he tried really hard to restrain himself as he leaned with his back and head against the mirror. He was looking at you through furrowed brows and hooded eyes, and you wondered why did he put himself through this struggle, when he could’ve had you right then and there. Pretending to check your mascara in the mirror behind him, you placed one hand on his chest and leaned over him, your face dangerously close to his neck, making sure your exposed cleavage pressed against him in the process. You didn’t care how obvious it was, he was clearly enjoying it. He did nothing but watch you, but his sigh and accelerating breath rate were giving him away. As soon as you reached your level, you instantly shot out of the elevator and got to your door in record time. 

The moment you set foot into the apartment and closer the door behind you, any control that you had before, just vanished into thin air. 

“Fucking finally”. He wasted no time in pressing you against the wall, both hands holding the sides of your face while he kissed you with all the pent up frustration from that day. You could feel his whole body onto you and yet you wanted more, your hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and tugging at it in an attempt to bring him even closer. His lips were soft but aggressive at the same time, the kiss neither too intense nor too slow, earning chills all over your spine the first time his warm tongue entered your mouth. It was still not enough, so you took over and laced your fingers at the back of his head, pulling on his hair while pushing yourself into him. His hands started traveling down your body, gripping your waist and hips with force as he pulled you even closer, making you feel his erection against you in the process. 

Out of breath, you broke the kiss to take a good look at him in this state. He was looking at you through glossy, hooded eyes, with his plump lips parted and glistening from the intensity of your kiss. He looked so hot, you realized you might not make it to the bedroom. 

Closing in the distance once again, his hands went to squeeze your ass through your dress as he started placing wet kisses down the side of your neck, painfully slowly, sending shivers all over your spine. You lifted a leg up to snake around his own, as if to invite his hands to stop wasting time and get under your skirt already.

“You’re surprisingly gentle for someone who’s been trying to get into my pants all day.” you felt him squeeze your ass harder, and he suddenly bit the soft skin under your ear and sucked on it, earning a gasp from you.

He didn’t reply, but instead slid his hand up your thigh and ran his fingers over your soaking panties.

“And you’re surprisingly wet for someone who supposedly hates me.” he teasingly rubbed the tip of his finger on your clothed clit, making you whine in response. It was almost as if the fabric wasn’t there at all, given how thin it was in the first place. “What did you buy this pretty underwear for, just to ruin it later?”

“Since when do you care about my lingerie?”

“I thought you wanted me to, since you brought me with you to that store and even asked for my opinion.” He pushed your panties to the side and properly coated his fingers with your juices. “You were such a dirty little slut for doing that to me.” his words shot straight to your core.

“Me, dirty? That little head of yours has a lot of issues. It’s your own fault for liking me in the first place.” you teased.

Hearing that, he pushed two fingers into your hole and you moaned. “You can talk shit all you want, but your body can’t lie about how much you want me, princess.” He pulled his hand away from your core, and took his own fingers, now coated with your essence, into his mouth, licking them clean. “Now be a good girl and take this dress off for me.” he said, pulling away from you. 

Not wanting to torture yourself any longer, you obeyed him, getting rid of your dress as quickly as possible. As he finally fully saw you in the pretty underwear, he eyed you from head to toe, as if he was looking at his prey, swallowing loudly. “Y/n, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” 

You pushed him back and led him to the couch, making him sit down. You quickly straddled his lap, making sure your boobs were right in his face as you grabbed the hair at the back of his head and brought your mouth to his ear, licking a stripe up from the side of his neck, reaching his earlobe. He shivered under you, and you started unbuttoning his shirt, while both his hands stroked over your boobs, touching your nipples and lightly pinching and twisting them over the thin material of the bra. The sensation was spreading into your entire body, making you moan right into his ear. You nibbled onto his earlobe, and he sighed loudly, grabbing your ass and pulling you on top of his dick, grinding into you. Your fingers ran over his now exposed chest and down to his belt, trying to get it undone. He grabbed your hands and undid it himself, and you stood up so he could get rid of his pants. 

Instead of sitting back on his lap, you dropped to your knees in between his legs and pulled his underwear down. His cock looked so red and hard, it seemed almost painful, and made your mouth water. You wanted to torture him some more though, so you stuck your tongue out and slowly ran it up from the base to his swollen tip, all while looking directly into his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was biting his lower lip so hard, as if to keep him from making any sound. You were going to change that. You swirled your tongue around the tip, collecting the drops of precum, before taking him whole into your mouth. As you started bobbing your head, you made sure to take a little more of him each time, pushing your own limit gradually, looking up at him from time to time. “Fuck, you look so pretty like this. You’re taking me so well.” he said, trying to keep himself from forming any other sounds, and you wondered why wasn’t he letting go already. You wanted to make him a moaning mess. One of your free hands started playing with his balls, as you ran your nails across his thigh with the other one. Going a little deeper, his cock hit the back of your throat, and you paused for a second, swallowing around him, which earned a long, breathy moan from him. There, that was your reward. You continued taking him as deep as you could, looking up at him with wide eyes. This was his breaking point, as he couldn’t control his sounds anymore, his mouth was agape, letting out small grunts and whimpers now and then, and you felt his hips struggling to keep still. As the ache in your pussy was getting unbearable because of your actions, your own hand came to play with your clit to get some sort of release, moaning around his cock. 

He didn’t miss this, as suddenly, his hand flew to your hair and he held you still. “Don’t you dare touch yourself. Get up” he said in a demanding voice. He followed you up himself, and completely slid his shirt and underwear off of him, then laid down on the carpet. “I want you to sit on my face. Let me have my dessert and enjoy you like you deserve.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. After discarding your panties, you placed your knees on either side of his head and carefully lowered your cunt closer to him, but he grabbed your ass and aggressively pulled you onto his mouth, making you gasp and grip the couch beside you for support. The feeling of his wet and warm tongue against you was making your thighs weak. He started by licking a long stripe across your folds, then alternated between sucking at your clit, drawing patterns with his tongue across your sensitive spot at different paces and intensities. Your sounds and whimpers were a mess, and you could feel your orgasm building with each second. He was eating you out like a starved man, face buried completely under your pussy, and the view was only contributing to your arousal. One of his hands snaked up to your nipple and started playing with it, adding to the sensation. When he suddenly applied more pressure to a certain angle, you thought you were gonna lose your mind. “Fuck, h/n, right there, please, don’t stop” was what you wanted to say, but you weren’t sure your words came out coherently. Either way, he got the message, and a few seconds later, you were coming undone on his tongue, letting out a few high-pitched moans as he helped you ride out your high.

After regaining composure, you stood up to let him breathe. His lips and chin were glistening from your juices, and he wiped them off with the back of his hand. “That was delicious. You’re a fucking goddess, did you know that?” he said as he stood himself up, grabbed your face and kissed you with force.

“Just fuck me already.”

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” he said as he pushed you against your table, having you lie down on it. He quickly grabbed a condom from his jeans and rolled it on his still painfully hard cock. Grabbing your legs and holding them on each side of him, he rubbed the tip of his member over your clit a few times before fully pushing it into your tight hole, swearing in the process. He wasted no time before moving, slowly at first to let you adjust, then suddenly slammed his hips into you with force, earning a loud moan from you. “Fuck, do that again, please” you said, already feeling your second orgasm starting to build up. He thrusted into you harder and deeper, filling the room with your sounds everytime his skin met yours. The way he filled you up was absolutely delicious, clouding your vision and making you lose yourself in your pleasure as he was hitting all the right spots inside you. 

“Ever since your brought me into that store, all I could think of was fucking you in your pretty lingerie, imagining how your boobs would bounce up and down while I pound into you like this.” you took his hand and brought it to your lips, silently asking him to let you suck onto his fingers. “You don’t know how much of a torture that wa- fuck” you took his long and pretty fingers into your mouth and swirled your tongue around them, mimicking the way you sucked him off earlier and watching him lose his ability to speak as his mouth hung open. “H/n, harder, don’t stop, I’m going to come.” you said in a desperate attempt to get him to shut up and concentrate. Motivated by your words, he increased his pace, and after a few more hard and sloppy thrusts, you reached your second orgasm, soon followed by his own. His whole body twitched as he came down from his high, both of you panting, and exhausted.

Pulling out of you, he quickly discarded the condom and took you into his arms to place both you and him comfortably on the couch.

“That was fucking hot” he said, still holding you in his arms while you were catching your breaths. 

“Yeah. I think I might hate you a little less after this.” you said and you both laughed.

After coming back to your senses, you got up and went straight to the kitchen. A few seconds later, you came back holding the box he bought you from the french bakery, handing him an eclair.

“I knew why I saved those chocolate eclairs for later. They taste better after you’ve been craving them all day, don’t you think?”

He just smiled in response. “You might be right. By the way, I won. It seems like you’ll be drinking ice americanos again, after all.”

[sunaluvs]

OPEN UP | tsukishima kei x reader

+ EXCERPT: it's torture, the way he's asking you a question, expecting a response when both of you know that it's taking everything in you not to go under. it's torture for you, to have to remain coherent and find words to reply when all you want to do is stop thinking and surrender to the fuzzy feeling in your mind.

it's torture, and he burns infinitely hotter at the knowledge.

+ TAGS: gn!reader, D/S dynamics, sub!reader, dom!tsukishima, lowkey humiliation, mentioned/implied subspace, finger sucking bc i have a hand kink, really high sexual tension || nsfw, minors DNI.

+ A/N: whew this was fun to write. it's been in my drafts for SO long (like a month) and i finally got the motivation to finish it today to here u go! please give me feedback i probably desperately need it </3

tsukishima's gaze feels heavy on you, as you sit on your bed with your hands between your thighs, head lowered and eyes fixed on the ground.

the bedroom is quiet except for the sounds of your breathing, and you try to squirm to get a little friction, but the 'tsk' that leaves his mouth freezes you in your place.

your tongue feels heavy, saliva slowly gathering in your mouth. you try to wet your lips, but it does nothing to soothe the dryness causes by your heavy breaths.

the sound of tsukishima getting up from his chair sends a shiver through you, his light footsteps echoing in your ears. finally, you see his shoes slow to a stop in front of you, and his hand slowly rises to your face, a lithe finger tilting your chin up to face him.

it's a light pressure, but not much more is needed; not with how desperate and needy you're feeling.

you lift your face up, and your eyes meet tsukishima's blank face. it doesn't betray anything, a cool front to the burning desire coursing through his veins.

his eyes are dead-set on yours, and the intensity of his gaze makes your blood burn and flush through your body. you feel trapped, and you try to turn away, to look away and break his gaze, but a rough hand grips your chin and brings it back to him.

his jaw clenching, he leans close towards you, his gentle scent washing over you and making you dizzy with it. you can't help the small whimper that escapes you, and the dark chuckle he lets out has you clenching your thighs.

"what's with that pathetic noise, hm? i haven't even done anything yet."

his finger comes up to your lips, and you automatically let it fall open, craving the feeling of his skin brushing against your tongue.

the smirk that dons his face is nothing short of predatory, and he easily slips two fingers into your mouth. the action forces your jaw open wider, and the heavy breaths leaving you are deafening in the silence of the room.

"god, would you look at that? i didn't even have to say anything, you just opened right up for me."

the words force a low whine out of you, makes you shut your eyes and want to move your hips in search of something, anything, to give you the friction you so desperately need.

but the man standing in front of you doesn't let you do that. your whine is cut off when he shoves his fingers further in your mouth, gagging you and forcing your throat to constrict around his digits in a way that has his cock straining against his pants.

tears form in the corners of your closed eyes, and it pushes a choked off whimper around his fingers. a hand comes up to lightly pat your cheeks, and the voice that speaks into your ears is heavy and demanding, sparking more arousal into your core.

"open your eyes."

your body reacts without thought to the order, your eyelashes fluttering open to reveal your wet eyes glazed over with desire and need. the tears that were building slip down your cheeks, painting your skin in streaks of desperation.

a slow exhale leaves his mouth, and he pulls his slick fingers out of your mouth, slowly traces them over your glossy lips, before speaking to you.

"you're such a pretty thing for me, aren't you? do you think you've behaved today? do you think you deserve to feel good?"

it's torture, the way he's asking you a question, expecting a response when both of you know that it's taking everything in you not to go under. it's torture for you, to have to remain coherent and find words to reply when all you want to do is stop thinking and surrender to the fuzzy feeling in your mind.

it's torture, and he burns infinitely hotter at the knowledge.

you can't muster up enough will to form syllables, so you merely nod your head weakly.

but tsukishima's having none of that.

his hand comes up to your hair and grasps the strands, wrenching your head back and exposing your neck. a high gasp escapes your mouth, and your breathing stutters a little before picking up again, your hands squeezing the fabric under you.

"i asked you a question, didn't i? don't be rude and answer me."

instantly, a flurry of "yes yes yes i do please yes—" falls from your lips, begging eyes looking up at the mocking curve of his mouth.

he chuckles lightly, a cutting edge to the sound, before smiling dangerously down at you, the hand holding your jaw delicately a stark contrast to the dark glint in his eyes.

"all right, doll. let's make you feel good then."

[qqueenofhades]

Whew!

Darklina + academia AU? (Professors, students, whatever dynamic you find most interesting)

Alina Starkov has always loved maps.

There’s just something about them: the deeply human struggle to understand the world, to sketch it out, to imagine fantastic beasts and lands and people on the margins, here be dragons. It’s half illusion and half reality, a guidebook both to what lies out there and what is dreamed of. She is fascinated by the relative accuracy of maps drawn long before satellites and space photographs – that, say, the sixteenth-century Europa recens descripta à Guileilmo Blaeuw does look pretty much like the modern continent. Well, mostly. She wrote her undergraduate senior thesis on the fictional island of Frisland, long believed to exist in the North Atlantic Ocean just south of Iceland, and its role in premodern cartographic and geographic imagination. Rereading it now gives her a twitch, as it always does with academics trying to revisit their past work, but it’s not all bad. It won her a prize and it impressed Professor Baghra Morozova, the fearsome head of the Department of Medieval Studies at Central European University, Vienna. (Best method to survive her class: Pray.) And it’s why Alina, still feeling very, very much like a terrible fraud – though she’s been assured this is likewise common to academics, so yay? – is working late in the main library on Quellenstraße, stifling yawns. She has a supervision meeting tomorrow, and if she half-asses this, Baghra will eat her alive.

Alina has been working for a while, pausing only to slug lukewarm coffee from her travel mug and answer texts from her flatmate Genya, when she becomes aware that there’s some other late-night diehard skulking in the stacks. This isn’t uncommon, but this guy doesn’t look like your usual desperate slacker. He’s tall, lean, and elegant, wearing a black shirt and crisp slacks, and – Alina has eyes, sue her – he’s extremely good-looking. Thick dark hair with a bit of a curl, a sharp dark gaze, and although he has his own stack of books, he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to any of them. In fact, he is looking – a little unsettlingly – directly at her.

Oh, hell. Alina hasn’t spoken to him before, but she knows who this is. Aleksander Morozov is an urban legend at CEU, for rather ominous reasons. He is rumored to be in some indeterminate year of his own PhD, but disappears at long stretches for “research trips,” and nobody is any the wiser about what he’s actually doing on them. Noting the similarity of surname, Alina once asked Baghra if they were related, and got a face that looked like someone had died. “Unfortunately,” her supervisor said, lips pursed, “he is my son. But I assure you, his presence on this campus has nothing whatever to do with me.”

Understanding that familial relations were, to say the least, chilly, Alina hasn’t pushed it. She’s also not sure what to make of her professor’s estranged (and disturbingly attractive) offspring sitting here and watching her study, as if he has nothing better to do than haunt first-year PhD students like the Ghost of Bad Decisions Yet To Come. At last, she gets up and marches over. Keeping her voice at librarian-approved levels, she hisses, “Excuse me, can I help you?”

She speaks in English, the lingua franca of CEU, though the Morozovas are political exiles from the Putin regime, like White Russians fleeing the Bolsheviks once upon a time. Alina herself is ancestrally Russian – born in Moscow, adopted by a nice British couple out of an orphanage and raised in suburban Sussex – and as Aleksander Morozov flicks those onyx eyes up at her, she can sense him weighing how to respond. As if he wants to test her, examine her bona fides, and Alina’s Russian is limited to “da,” “privyet,” and “dosvidaniya.” Not that he should know that. Not that he should know anything about her.

“Good evening,” he answers, also in English. His Received Pronunciation is even more posh than hers. “I wasn’t aware that I was disturbing you.”

“You’re – ” Alina wrestles with herself, tells herself not to be rude. It’s not a crime to sit and watch someone study, even in a mildly creepy fashion. “You’ve just been watching me for, like, an hour now.”

“Ah.” He doesn’t apologize or explain why that might be. He sits back in his chair, studying her like a piece of rare porcelain. “My apologies, Miss Starkov.”

Alina glances at him again, despite herself. There’s an undeniable thrill at actually talking to the campus heartthrob, even if the reason for it leaves something to be desired. She should say something else, when she becomes aware that he’s addressed her by name, and she doesn’t remember introducing herself. That doesn’t exactly do anything to convince her that he’s not a stalker. A little uneasily, she says, “How do you know my name?”

“You’re my mother’s student, aren’t you?” He cocks his head. “Alina?”

“I – yes.” That does explain it, although she didn’t realize the two of them were on speaking terms, or that they discussed her. Her name sounds unusual in his mouth, deliberate in a way nobody has spoken it before, and all at once, he gets to his feet. He stands several inches taller than her, and he starts piling his books into his bag, as if to discreetly absent himself now that she’s noticed him. “You don’t – ” she starts. “I didn’t mean to – ”

He looks at her again, sidelong. Then he says, “I should go home and get some sleep. I’m returning to Oxford tomorrow morning anyway.”

“Oxford?”

“I went to school there.” He utters a short, dry laugh. “All the good Russians do. And they live in Londongrad.”

That explains the accent, at least, and he seems to have some other business there, whether it’s another of the “research trips” or a guest lecture or whatever else. (Alina hasn’t seen his CV, but she has a sneaking feeling it’s the kind of thing to make her throw her drafts in the trash and never do anything in academia again.) Despite herself, she’s curious, and even though she has just told him to get lost, kind of, she wants to know. “Will you be back?”

Aleksander Morozov studies her with utter, unblinking intensity, as if he sees past flesh and bone, blood and sinew, to the very core of her, something that even she does not fully comprehend. Then he shrugs, his eyes never leaving her face, until Alina feels a shiver travel down her from head to toe, cold and powerful, twisting in her stomach. “Perhaps I will. Good night, Miss Starkov.”

With that, he nods to her, then turns on his heel, vanishing into the shadows as effortlessly as if he is made from them. No sound, no breath. Simply there one moment, and gone the next. Alina rubs her eyes, but she is alone in the library. Just as she wanted. Wasn’t it?

She can’t help her eyes from searching for him, or rather the vanished impression of him, the flutter of a curtain after someone has left the room. Before she can stop it, she has the thought that he very much is a map of his own, a path that leads into a strange dark land beyond the boundaries of the known world, a dragon or a doorway, a dream of what could be. Maybe something entirely ordinary. Maybe something not.

Alina shivers again, and returns to her carrel. She sits down and pulls the next book toward her, forcing her tired eyes to focus. Just because Aleksander Morozov – Aleksander Morosov – is a map, albeit the strangest one she has ever seen, it does not mean she needs to follow where he leads. She knows damn well the danger.

(And yet, despite herself, she wants to.)

[bangchanswolfpelt]

yeahhhh you get me you GET me (i'm about to word vomit at you so i'm sorry in advance)

- i too have no romantic/sexual feelings towards seungkwan, he's simply My Boy i wanna be his best friend and fight people for him and peel him tangerines

- wonwoo is. *deep breath* he sure is. the joker performance. i-

- skz minho is just so CHAOTIC and i love that in a man, but channie is perfect bf material and hyunjin is so pretty and soft and talented???? and the long hair????? girl help (gender neutral)

- seungmin is like that... he seems so innocent and sweet until you notice how much he teases both stays and the members and let me tell you there was a Specific vlive where i went OOP 😳 but i can never find it ;w;

- PLSS hongjoongie was my bias until (and this is so shallow and hilarious) he cut his hair before kingdom. i don't like short-short hair on men like, attraction-wise (short-short hair's not really my thing unless it's a woman doing it) but black cat nero hongjoong had me in a vice grip and seonghwa with the curly longer black hair deja vu era is climbing up the ladder.

- if u didn't notice i really like long haired pretty boys. this may have been the catalyst for gyu coming dangerously close to toppling junnie as my txt bias during lover loser era. HE WORE A SHORT PLEATED SHIRT AND HAD LONG HAIR WITH HIGHLIGHTS AND I AM WEAK. I LOVE A PROUD ANDROGYNOUS LOOKING MAN SECURE IN HIS MASCULINITY

- also when hyunjin cut his hair i was devastated i went through the 5 stages of grief and invented 2 more (denial 2, astral projection)

- oh god, iu. iu is SO. god. my friends still make fun of me bc the day after i binged half of hotel the luna i spent the entire time explaining the plot but had to stop every 2 minutes to inform them of how Pretty that woman is. like. she is SO PRETTY AND TALENTED I CAN'T

- and yeah i know sunmi's song tail (moreso the mv than the song itself, but the choreo SLAPS you should watch the studio choom dance) is a representation of the way that women are cast aside and seen as "garbage" after they're "ruined" or "spoiled" because they were used by men!!

- i love eaj!!! love that he's more free and able to speak his mind now, love his music, love his dynamic with other idols (his podcast with aleXa, who is a sweetheart, is adorable and hilarious)

- JESSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I LOVE HER THAT IS ALL

- dpr music is SO GOOD

- eric nam is hilarious and i love his music i would die for this man. i would've bullied him in high school (affectionate).

- seori's vocals in txt's ikily and her own stuff are so pretty! her collabs with eaj were *chef's kiss*

- what are your opinions on jay park swoony i'd like to hear them

- lisa in how you like that slammed me into the ground and stepped on me in high heels jesus fuck

- THE SUNWOO LINK I- 👁️👄👁️ he's one of my ult biases he's like. a whiny baby who wants attention. but also he could 100% top me. ultimate cutie boyfriend and actively encourages deobis to see him like that????? gets jealous when deobis watch other idols???? incredible performer???? just wants affection???? would fuck me into the mattress but also want headpats afterwards??? what a switchy nightmare of a boy. i want to tie him up but i also want to sit in his lap

- not gonna ask u to get into the boyz bc i know you are Overwhelmed enough by ur own new boys, but just a little taste: sangyeon has daddy energy similar to chan, kevin is an unprecedented meme queen named after the kid from home alone, jacob is a Sweet Boy, new and q are chaotic and incredibly pretty besties, and younghoon's nickname is bread.

WHEW ok im done the word vomit is over <333 sorry its a million words long

xoxo honey 🍯

holy shit, this is SO LATE, i'm sorry you got buried in my drafts, boo 💀

Seungkwan is Best Boy, absolutely!! i just wanna sit in the stands with a camcorder while he murders people, he's precious perfect son

god, JOKER, i simply cannot—i had no idea that was Wonwoo when i first saw it, i didn't know his voice well enough to recognize it yet and also just wasn't expecting THAT to come out of HIM????? so i was losing my mind trying to figure out who it was and then lost it even more when the mask came off 🤡 the entire HHU is fucking insane honestly, we gotta talk about a HHU gangbang one of these days now that Vernon's on his hot bitch shit 💀

there were SO MANY weird anecdotes i heard about stray kids before i got into them that i found out later were ALL Minho—him telling Stays he hoped they’d fall into a toilet, stuffing tissue into Hyunjin’s mouth, the terrifying snow filters 😂 he was honestly making me fall in love with him before i even knew who he was, it's absurd. and i think i get what you mean by teasing—i remember that one fancall where he was very slyly 'are you into younger men?', plus the way he was shamelessly flirting with Eunkwang during kingdom 👀

ahahahaha, i get you with the short hair!! when i was just getting into them, i also definitely thought that was Unfortunate 😒 but haircut/style can become a nonissue for me if i like someone enough and Joongie very quickly reached the point where he’d be attractive to me no matter what his hair looked like 😭 like, if he shaved his head, i might cry but id still want to peg him 😭😭😭 BLACK CAT NERO HONGJOONG MAKES ME DOWNRIGHT FUCKIN FERAL, THO, THE PONYTAIL??? WITH THE WISPIES????? PLEASE RAIL ME IN A GRAVEYARD, SIR

LONG-HAIRED GYU IS TOP TIER GYU and i literally only know one stage of grief when it comes to Hyunjin's hair and it's denial 😌 has it been cut? 😌😌😌 i simply do not see it 😌😌😌😌😌

IU is wild to me because. if i try to explain what makes her stand out, i literally cannot???? like, she's beautiful and talented, but there's something beyond that that just drags your guard down and want to use big dumb words like 'insouciant' and 'vivacious'—she's just so goddamn charming, that woman has a +15 to charisma i swear 😭

the tl;dr on Jay Park is that i find his habit of yoinking artists who seem to have had a rough time with other, bigger companies very amusing, and i think the way that these artists seem to be thriving with him probably says quite a bit about who he is as a person. his biggest sin seems to be saying dumb, problematic bullshit, and when that doesn't get followed up with more serious allegations, i'm more inclined to believe you're just an asshole with no filter rather than like. an actual menace to society. (caveat: i absolutely do not keep up with scandals or really go digging into past ones, so like. do with that what you will.) is the bar very low here? absolutely. but i'm still gonna write about pegging his scrawny ass, and i'm probably still gonna drag my ass up to Seattle to throw a bra on that stage when he gets that ass back on tour.

i'm so glad you enjoyed the fic!!!! i rlly enjoy that particular writer, and when they popped up with a fic about one of the boys who just KEPT catching my eye during kingdom, it felt like an awful, hilarious trap 🤡

i appreciate you not trying to get me into a new group 😭 i am definitely wavering on The Boyz, tho—i don't know how but @tmrwxtg ruined my youtube algorithm and i mainlined a bunch of their mvs today. so far it's still only Sangyeon and Sunwoo who really have my attention, but we'll see how long that lasts 🥴 but also, for someone not trying to get me into a new group, you are SELLING me on Sunwoo—i love a bratty dom, love a boy who's jealous and needy and soft, sign me the fuck up?? 👀👀👀👀

also, i think i remember Kevin!! wasn't he the one who was twerking during the sports episode of kingdom? wait was he ACTUALLY named after Kevin Home Alone????

[librarianbusdriver]

Ted: Okay, where was I? You were telling us how you met mom. In excruciating detail. Right. So, back in 2005, When I was 27, My two best friends got engaged, And it got me thinking, maybe I should get married.

*Sigh*

And then I saw robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your uncle barney came in. I suggest we play a little game I like to call Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "have you met ted?" Hi. Have you met ted? So I asked her out. But after just one date, I was in love with her Which made me say something stupid. I think I'm in love with you. What?! Oh, dad. So then what happened? Nothing. I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself. So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her. So you're not gonna call her? You went from, "I think I'm in love with you"

Trapped, the same hollow, dull story repeating again, and again, and again all around me. No way to change its course. No way to do anything but just... watch.

To "I'm not gonna call her"? I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract concept Of getting married. It had absolutely nothing to do with robin. Robin. Hi. Look who I ran into. Since when do you guys know each other? Oh, since about... Here. Lily recognized me From the news and... Hello, sailor! They just got engaged. Well, I should get back to the station. See you, guys. Nice seeing you, ted. Yeah, you, too. Thanks. What? Damn it! I'm in love with her. As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. You blew it, it's over, move on. I don't know, I just have this feeling She's the future mrs. Ted mosby. ( Lily squeaks) Lily, you squeaked? She said something about me, didn't she? Come on, spill it, red! Fine. So, what do we think of ted? ( Iaughs) Ted's something else. Huh. I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. Comes on a little strong. But, that's part of my charm. But, that's part of his charm. Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, He's just looking for something A little bit more serious than I am. I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right? Are you kidding? This flapper? Fort knox. Oops. She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual. Cause it's a game... I want her to skip To the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing. But you don't get there unless you play the game. So, are you going to ask her out? Yeah... No! I can't ask her out, Because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out. So, how do I Ask her out without asking her out? Did you guys get high? I got it. I don't ask her out. I invite her To our party next Friday. We're having a party next Friday? We are now. Casual. Like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. Oh, and lily, that's my leg. You waited five minutes to tell me that? All right, so call her up. No, calling's not casual. I just got to bump into her somewhere. Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter. That's great, ted... you'll be the most casual stalker ever. Put that ring on her finger, lily had been, Well, extra affectionate. ( chuckling ): Baby, no. I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. Hey, I'm just sitting here, wearing my ring,

Wallachia, how I miss you.

My beautiful ring. ( Typing) Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore. Or... My underwear. That's right, I'm not wearing any. ( Sighs ) No underwear? Not even slightly. Ted: Guys. Boundaries. Robin ( on tv ): Thanks, bill. I'm reporting from the razzle dazzle supermarket On 75th and columbus... 75th and columbus. Game on! Where four-year-old leroy ellenberg has climbed Inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck. ( Panting ) And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. For metro news 1, I'm robin trubotsky. Engineer: We're clear. Robin: Thanks, don. Whew. Ted. Robin, wow! What are the odds? Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip. I love dip. I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... ( chuckles ) so, uh, hey, you, uh, Reporting a news story or something? Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine. How sweet of you to call it news. Wow. Kid in a crane machine. Mm-hmm. You just had to have that toy, didn't you? Couldn't play the game like everyone else. You're all sweaty! Cute kid. Um, you know, It's so funny I should run into you. We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, If you feel like swinging by. But, you know, whatever. Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight. It is... It's tonight. This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Sorry, I guess I've been saying next Friday all week. But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight. But, you know, whatever. ( Phone rings) Hello? Hey, am I interrupting anything? No, no, I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books. Yeah, well, you and lily Might want to put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye. What are you gonna do when robin shows up? Okay, I got it all planned out. She steps through the door... and where's ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, Showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff. So, robin strolls over, and I casually give her one of these: "hey, what's up?" She says, "hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera." And then, I say, "well, make yourself at home." And, I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later... "oh, you're still here?" I say, like I don't really care, But it's a nice surprise. And then, very casually: Both: The roof! Get her up to the roof, And the roof takes care of the rest. What's so special about the roof? Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof. We do it up there, sometimes. Solid plan, my little friend. But, may I suggest one little modification. Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, Take her up to the roof and have sex with her. Crazy monkey style... That's not the plan. Barney: Well, it should be the plan. I mean, look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smoking! Thank you! Yeah... But, she's not robin! Exactly! Ted, let's rap. Statistic: At every new york party, There's always a girl who has no idea Whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, And you will never see her again. Do you see where I'm going with this? Barney, I don't think so. ( groans ) Scoping.

I miss it all. The childhood spent in that bountiful castle, the beauty of those rolling green fields...

( Imitates sonar beeping ) Scoping. Man, you're a dork. ( Accelerates beeping sound ) Target acquired! Now it's time we play a little game I like to call "have you met ted?" oh, come on, not this. Hi. Have you met ted? No. Hi. Hi. Do you know marshall? Lily? Woman: No. Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party? I work with carlos. Excuse me. Anyone know a carlos? No. No. On a silver platter. Bon appétit. I don't think so. Your loss, her gain. Excuse me. Can I show you the roof? It's magical up there. Sure. Ted: Wait, wait. Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved. Dude, robin's not coming. Hey, she's going to show up! She'll show up. Ted: She didn't show up. At least it was a great party. I ate, like, four whole cans of dip. You always know what to say, old friend. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. No, no, not right away... got to seem casual. ( Ringing continues ) Hello? I'm so sorry I missed your party. Who is this? Meredith? Robin. Oh, robin! Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you? No, I got stuck at work. But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time, And little kids have small bladders. ( Chuckles ) robin: I wish your party Was tonight. It is... the party's tonight. Yeah, uh... It's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual. See ya. So, that was robin. What are you Doing to me, man?! I got a paper to write! I know! Sorry! It's terrible! I'll buy more dip! Ted! Ted, wait! Get french onion! Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write. Okay, fine. But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, And no cuddling after. I'm the luckiest girl alive. You were so right about the roof! The roof! The roof is on fire, ted! That girl from last night... I took her back to my place, Spun her around a couple times and sent her walking. She will never find her way back, and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her? I have no idea who that is. She said she works with carlos. Who's carlos? I don't know any carlos. ( Frustrated groan)

The conquests... the blood of my enemies spilled, and villages burnt to the ground in my name.

Hi, you! You're back! I sure am. Mmm. Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. "Sweetie"? Really? ( Barely audible ): Help. Whoa! Whoa, rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved. All right. So, it's over between me and works-with-carlos girl. Whoa! That was fast. Yeah. I was trying to think, What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? I think I'm in love with you. What?! Thanks, bro. Glad I could help. What the... No, no, no. Come on. Sorry, ted. Great. What am I going to do when robin shows up? She'll show up. She didn't show up. All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now, the kid has got to get to work, And the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me. I will not have sex with marshall. Both: I will not have sex with marshall. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. Hello? Hi, ted. Amanda? Oh, denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like amanda. It's robin. Oh, robin. Hi. I totally wanted to come. I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party, again. Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita. Who am I? I guess there's no chance your two-dayer Turned into a three-dayer? It did, indeed. The party continues tonight. Yeah. Uh, last night, people were like, "keep it going, bro. Party trifecta." Wow! Okay, well, I'll be there. Great! See you tonight. So, that was robin. So, I threw a third party for robin... On a Sunday night. Well, this is lame. Lame... Or casual? Lame. Or casual? Hey, law books. Ready for a little 15 minute recess? Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923? Anybody seen a big-ass book? All ( muttering ): No. Woman: Hello, barney. Of course. You look well. Is it weird they invited both of us? Who? Who invited you? No one even knows who you are! I understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you. Who is carlos?! Hey, where the hell is my...? Oh...! Okay... An introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923 Is not a coaster! Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, Not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met Who's probably not even going to show up! I mean, where is she, ted, huh? Where's robin? Hi. Hi, robin. Wow. So, you threw all these parties for me? No. Oh, you thought that... No! I... Okay, yes. You got me. One of the reasons I threw these parties Was so that I could introduce you To, um, this guy. Uh, I figured, you know, Since it didn't work out between us And now we can just laugh about it... ( laughs weakly) Anyway, robin, this is... Carlos. Oh! Oh! She's still talking to carlos. I can still win this. I-it's not over. Okay, buddy. Time for the tough talk. Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. You want to get married. And right now, There's a million women in new york Looking for exactly you. But robin ain't one of them. She's not just one of them. She's the one. Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof. What are you going to do? Nothing. It's a game. I got to just keep playing it. ( Rock music playing ) Ted... Hey, carlos, can you give us a minute? Hey, no sweat, hombre. See ya. Robin...

Will I ever be freed of this damnable place?

Look, I didn't throw this party To set you up with carlos, Or the one before that, or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. Well, here I am. There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. You're not crazy. I don't know, ted. I mean, we barely know each other And you're looking at me with that look. And, it's like... Like, "let's fall in love and get married And have kids and drive them to soccer practice." I'm not going to force sports on them Unless they're interested. ( Iaughing ) It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl. No, I'm not. I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you Or break your heart, and... I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. Click. Off. Let's make out. What? What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, look, sure, yes, I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. But, on the other hand... You, me, the roof. There's no off switch. There is an off switch. And it's off. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes... It is. No, it's not. You're right. There's no off switch. God, I wish there was an off switch! Me, too. ( Both laughing ) ( both muttering nervously ) What do we do now? We could be friends. Oh... I know it sounds insincere when people say that, But... We could. I don't know, robin. I've made such a jackass of myself here. We start hanging out, every time I see you It'll be like, "oh, that's right. I'm a jackass." You're not a jackass. Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working And I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand. Well, uh, maybe in a few months, After it's not so fresh, We could all, uh, you know, get a beer. Yeah. That sounds good. I'll see you, ted. Or, you know, now. We could all get a beer now. I'd like that. My friends are going to love you... Like you, you know, as a friend. Jackass. Unbelievable. That's just a recipe For disaster. They work together! Are you jealous? Oh, please. What does carlos have that I don't? A date tonight. All: Oh! Stop the tape. Rewind. ( Imitates tape rewinding ) a date tonight. All: Oh! I'm not sure I like her. Hey, don't you have a paper to write? Dude, you're talking to the kid. I'm going to knock back this beer. I'm going to knock back one more beer. I'm going to write a 25-page paper. I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "a." My name is rufus and that's the trufus. ( Iaughter ) Ted: He got a b-minus. But still, 25 pages in one night, b-minus? The kid was good. At least let me buy you a beer. Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer. I'll help carry. You know something, ted? What? You are a catch. You're going to make some girl very happy. And I am going to help you find her. Well, good luck. I mean, maybe new york's just too big a town. I mean, there's millions of people in this city. How, in all this mess, Is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? Hi. Have you met ted? ( Music rises over dialogue )

I do not know if I can, but I must.

[STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB]

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUU-

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part two | p.p.

summary: a whole bunch of dif tiktoks featuring you and bae peter

warnings: chaotic energy, cussing, and BUTTERFLIES

+ + +

- i'm backkkkkkkkk

- so y'all really enjoyed the last tiktok imagine

- and you wanted another

- SO HERE WE GO BABYYYYYYYYY!!

- so basically....

- (just enjoy it)

- i got a lot of tiktok related comments and requests and i hope i remember them all

- (big boobs? whew chile) ANYWAYS SO:

- like pretty much none of them link together so this hc is going to be split into sections of like... blurbs!!

- yayayayayaya

- this one is inspired by @drecming

- so i think most of us know this very special sound..

- ...

- CAN'T TAKE BIG DICK BUT I SUCK ON IT

- y eah

- so as per usual

- you and peter b chillin

- they really do b vibin doe

- OH BY THE WAY

- y'all are dating in this situation :)))))))))

- and as you're binge watching your favorite show you can't stop doing the hand motions to that friggin dance

- aka the epidemic of generation z

- i keep doing the sugar by brockhampton dance i literally can't stop it's fine

- and thank god peter somehow doesn't notice

- like your movements are so subtle but you deadass keep doing it like once per minute

- and so you get up

- like "fuck this, man. if it's stuck in my head i'm at least gonna make a tiktok"

- and so you set it up

- peter's still on the couch in the background

- this boy STILL doesn't really notice what you're doing

- to be fair hsmtmts is a very enticing show ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- but as soon as the audio plays peter recognizes it

- his head WHIPS over to you

can't take big dick but i suck on it

- he raises an eyebrow at you

i ain't fucking with the pussy, got a bump on it

- *eyebrow raise intensifies*

bad bitch put the pussy on me (on me)

- he sits up, watching as your hips roll (oh man)

whip out my dick then i hump on it

- he slightly cringes at the lyrics me too peter

i'm a bad ass bitch, what you lookin at?

- your butt

ima throw that-

- "oH NO YOU DON'T!" he yells, slight smile on his face as he swiftly shoots a web at you, the string wrapping around your waist and spinning you to him

- the song continues to play as you snort, wheezing as he balances you

- the video finishes and you raise your eyebrows at him

- "no throwing it back on camera," he says pointedly

- you tilt your head in a way that screams peter i love you but you and i both know that i can do what i wanna do and over-protectiveness can be toxic

- he sighs

- "okay, you can, but i'd like it better if it were just for me"

...

- HAHAHAHA

- okay NEXT ONE

- this next one is inspired by @ritxal

- in this one you can choose your relationship

- so peter is a natural born softboy

- he didn't choose the softboy life, the softboy life chose him

- but here's the thing

- it was friday night

- you were bored

- and you decided

- it was time for a change

- and so you approached the man

- who happened to be upside down

- because when is he not

- and, ignoring his protests, gave him an e-boy makeover

- poor peter was decked the fuck out

- striped long sleeve

- band tee

- black ripped jeans wITH THE CHAIN

- nike socks and af1s

- beanie

- and most importantly

- black nails and a little black heart under his left eye

- just picture it p lease

- and it his transformation was posted on your account to forever embarrass him

- and you lowkey found this look a lil wee bit ATTRACTIVE

- whatever

- okey this one's for you @lilmissquackson !!!!!!!

- y'all ever seen the without me (halsey) ones??

- ye

- even if you haven't you'll still get it lol

- so you're in class

- learning about sokovia because history and shit

- and, bored as hecc, you decide to whip out your phone and copy this video you'd seen

- you begin filming and place your right hand on top of peter's left (yay classmates!! sitting next to each other WHOOP!)

- his gaze is hard on his paper as he continues to scribble down notes

- you turn the camera to him for a bit and you're like yes perfect

- and then you return the camera and pull your hand away

- and he REACHES OVER AND TAKES YOUR HAND BACK

- AND YOU'RE LIKE  Y E S

- IT WORKED OUT

- PLUS HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW AND HE'S SO CUTE

- you put the phone down, smiling, adjusting your hand a little before you realize you can't take notes anymore because your hand is occupied and using your left hand just aint it period (a/n: im so sorry if any of y'all are left handed lol but pretend y'all are in opposite positions so he has your left hand haha)

- and it's then that he looks at you

- and if his eyes don't make you MELT

- okay i'm sorry that last one was mediocre but you get the point

- alright so like in this process of writing this i've been struggling a bit with details and stuff and making it sound good and funny so they're gonna be short and sweet bc i literally don't know What To Do :)))))))))))))))))

- back to your regularly scheduled programming hell yeah

- this one's for you, @drecming

- back at it again with the ideas!!!! fuck yes!!!

- okay SO

- you seen those "i'm on my savage shit" ones?

- where the guys hand is on the girl's thigh (OR IF YOU'RE A DUDE READING THIS JUST STILL IMAGINE YOUR OWN LEG I TRY TO KEEP THIS GENDER NEUTRAL BUT I FORGET AND PLUS RN IM JUST EXPLAINING THE TIKTOK KJSDBVIBUV) and then she pulls her leg away and the music is like

iM oN mY sAvAgE sHiT

- anyways

- peter's hand is just vibing on your leg

- for you dirty minded folks no it's not vibrating or doing all that janky shit we're children of god here

- says the one who just said the s word OOPS

- and you, as per usual, pull up the sound and start recording

- peter hears the music and is like Huh????

- and then you pull your leg away, grinning at him cheekily before he grabs you, phone flying out of your hand and he pulls you into his lap

"my thigh"

- you give him a look like excuse me sir hUh

- and his face is just like

0_0

- before he smiles at you and laughs and says he's kidding

- but then he stops laughing

...

- and raises an eyebrow

- WOAHHHHHHHH SPICY

- zooooweeeeemamaaaaaaa

- aight moving on

- THE NEXT ONES ARE INSPIRED BY YOURS TRULY!! YAY ME FOR HAVING IDEAS FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!!

- so i'm sure you and like everyone @ your school (if you're in school.. lol) is familiar with this one

- i'm just gonna let y'all experience it idk why i've been telling the tiktok before idek sajbsidvb

- so you're in class right

- doing nothing bc your teacher sucks :////

- but its fine bc it's a fun class

- so you set up your phone with you and peter in the screen and start recording

- peter looks at the phone and then you, confused

"hey, stop!" you say in a whiny voice

- mans is like Uhhhhh what did i Do

"stop! omg peter sTop!" you're smiling at him

- he's so confused

- and then as you're talking

- your voice suddenly lowers into your lower register

"stop!! peter stop it- I SAID STOP."

- his eyes widen and a confused smile is on his face as he jumps back slightly

"YOU KEEP PLAYING *smacks your hand on the table* TOO DAMN MUCH."

- the video stops and you and peter are just silent for a second before busting out laughing

"you've never seen those?"

"no????"

"god peter, you live under a rock"

- the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand: hey! bonk bonk bonk got any grapes?

- sorry i randomly thought of that

- okay NEXT

- this is the one that hits different

- gets you in your FEELS

- DAMN

- we all know peter's a gamerboy

- so he's just chilling playing minecraft on the xbox or something

- what a fuckin nerd

- jk minecraft slaps so hard

- anyways

- as per usual, you set up the camera and start filming

- and you

- i think you know what i'm talkin about

- you slip underneath his arms

- and start crawling into his lap

- and the SECOND he registers what's going on he fucking YEETS the controller behind him and wraps his arms around you

- and when i say yeets

- i mean like

- ZOOM

- you bury your arm in the crook of his neck and you feel him physically relax under you (heartbeat racing though of course) and hold you tighter, planting gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder

- ..

- god FUCK talk about B U T T E R F L I E S

- y'all are going to HATE ME for this one

- prepare yourselves

- so you guys are just chilling in peters room as y'all normally do

- and peter goes to the bathroom

- and like stupid adorable fuck he is

- mans left his phone on silly goose

- and of course

- we all know you can't help yourself

- so like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING

- you decide to snatch it and go look at his tiktok drafts, god knows why

- and the first one you tap

- WHEW CHILE

- your jaw drops to the floor as soon as you read the text on the video

"so apparently when a guy's chain dangles it's attractive..?"

- heart skips a beat

- hands are sweaty

- knees spaghetti

- you look up to make sure the bathroom door is still shut before you whip out your phone and start videoing

- peter is looking nervously cute into the camera before he leans out of shot,

- you know what's next

- and right as the beat drops

- he shows up, SHIRTLESS, with his cross necklace (you've only seen him wear once lmao) dangling down

- not to mention the goddamn CURLS hanging down

- and your heartbeat quickens

- ... both heartbeats...

- then fucking PETER JUST STROLLS INTO THE ROOM

- ALL INNOCENT N SHIT AS IF HE DIDN'T HAVE A VIDEO ON HIS PHONE THAT LITERALLY MADE YOU READY TO RISK IT ALL

- "why do you have my phone?"

- you've never slammed it onto the bed so fast

- "no reason"

- he raises a suspicious eyebrow before picking up his phone and unlocking it

- and the fear in his eyes when the screen opens to his video

- he looks back up at you, mouth slightly open in fear/awe/ohshitohgodohFUCK

- and you and your goddamn mouth-

- "peter, it's hot"

- and oh how the look in his eyes changed

😈

+ + +

until next time <3

[bensboynton]

missing sock b.h

summary: ben being a softie and saying i love you for the first time!!

word count: 697

warnings: swearing, unedited

this has been in my drafts for so long and i just wanted to get rid of it so... sorry for this it’s cheesy and weird sltgjrlkklfvlekjoiejgoie

“Not it.” 

“Ben, you can’t say ‘not it’ when you’re getting ready to clean up your room. You have to at least help me.” 

“Oh, so it’s suddenly my room when it’s time to clean, but the 5/7 days you sleep in my room it’s our room.”

A defeated smile crept onto your face as Ben walked past you. He plopped down in the chair in the corner of the room, smiling cheekily in your direction. You busied yourself with folding the clean laundry on the bed, humming the melody of whatever new catchy pop song was stuck in your head. 

It was overcast outside; a less than perfect day filled with rain and the musty smell that comes with it. The humidity was horrible; the kind that instantly puffs up your hair and sticks to your skin like a bottle of glue. 

You and Ben had worked to escape the shitty weather by resorting to an Original Disney Animated Movie Marathon (Ben made comments on how horrible the movies were, yet you swore you saw him get a little teary-eyed at the end of The Little Mermaid).

Now, after spending an entire day of binging the classic animated movies, you forced Ben off the couch to help you clean up the mess that is his room. There were dirty clothes on the floor, clean clothes on the floor, random packages of candy, and receipts from dinners Ben took you on covering almost every square inch of the room. It was a disaster.

“I didn’t even know you had this sweater... you should wear it more often,” you said absentmindedly, grabbing Ben’s attention from his phone. 

“I didn’t know I had that sweater either. The more you know!”

You laughed loudly, throwing the sweater directly at Ben’s face. He threw it back, and you let it fly past you and land back on the floor.

“You know, this whole ‘cleaning’ thing would go a lot faster if you helped.”

“But you just do it so much better, baby. And you look cute doing it.” 

You scowled at the blonde playfully, continuing what you were doing, “you’re so lucky you’re cute.” Ben stuck his tongue out at you as you grabbed the big laundry basket sitting on the floor.

You pulled out the clothes one at a time, folding them and placing them into piles according to where they went on the bed. As you went to grab one of your sports bras from the basket, you gasped at the sight of black polka-dot sock amongst the other clothes. 

“Oh my god! I’ve been looking for this sock for ages... I lost it a few months ago.” 

You rushed to the sock drawer and pulled out the matching sock, putting them together and holding them up in victory. After doing a few celebratory fist bumps, you put it back in the drawer and made your way back to the bed. You met Ben’s gaze, and he was gazing at you lovingly. You decided to ham it up a bit, for the audience of course. 

“Whew, what a rush. Can’t believe I found that fucking sock! First of all, I’d like to thank the academy, my mom, my dad, my boyfriend who refuses to help me do anything in this godforsaken house-” you were saying, pretending to be choked up before you were interrupted.  

“I love you.”

Your fake smile slowly faded and shock danced its way across your features. Did he really just? Are you hearing things? Why would he say it now? 

The disbelief in your body slowly dissipated as you met Ben’s eyes again. 

“Did you just say what I think you just said?” you said, a playful smile tugging at your lips. 

“You don’t have to say it back or anything, I realized just how much I loved you during that stupid cheesy speech thing and-” Before Ben could finish his sentence, you were on his lap and pushing your lips to his in a frenzy. He was shocked and didn’t respond for a few moments, but slowly melted into the passionate kiss. 

You pulled away, breathless, resting your foreheads together. 

“I love you, too.”

[mlqclucien]

Lucien Fanfiction: Distraction (SFW)

[This is my second fanfic for Lucien. I’m really happy I can get back into writing fanfiction, I haven’t written anything in weeks and I needed this. Plus I’m sick and have nothing else to do but make Lucien fan blush ;)]

Okay ENJOY. I almost exploded writing. Whew!

***

MC’s eyes are glued to the screen as she types away at her computer. She has a show report due by the end of the week and she had already lost a bit of time. Earlier in the week, MC has been working in her room, writing a draft and kept hearing noises in the walls. When she called the landlord about the issue, it was discovered that there was an infestation. She would have to stay out of her room for a few days until it was dealt with. For the past 24 hours, she’s been staying with Lucien, who didn’t hesitate to welcome her to his home. She was hesitant at first, since the only other time they had shared a room was during their vacation, but so far, Lucien had made her feel right at home. He chose to sleep on the couch while she took the bed (though he was insistent that he had no problem sharing~). He even moved some stuff around to give her a comfortable place for her to do her work. He really did look after her well. 

MC yawns loudly, takes a sip of coffee and continues typing. Looking over at the clock on screen, she noticed it was nearing 10pm. This means two things, 1) Lucien should be getting back from the lab soon and 2) MC’s bedtime was right around the corner. She felt her eyelids get heavier and heavier.

“I’ll just close my eyes for a second.” She says, pushing the keyboard forward and laying into her folded arms. She passed out in seconds without even realizing it.

The door handle begins to jiggle as the clock hits 10:30pm. Lucien enters the room, the door handle in one hand and his suitcase in another. The neuroscientist takes a deep breath, loosens his tie, exhales slowly, and drops his suitcase to the ground, exhausted from the long day. He takes off his shoes, gently kicking them to the side. Looking over to the corner of the room, he noticed MC, fast asleep at her desk. His eyes widen in surprise, still not used to her staying at his home, but smiles and tries to be more silent. He shuts the door gently, locking it as quietly as he can. He removes his lab coat, hanging it on the coat hanger near the door, and walks over to the sleeping girl.

“You’re sleeping habits are truly terrible.” He chuckles to himself. “But... I can’t deny how cute you are, Silly.” He stares at her for a couple minutes, watching her lovingly. As bad as it was to have her room infested, he couldn’t help but be happy that he could be able to come home to a cute girl every night after work. He shakes his head and smiles, debating whether or not to wake her up. He looks at the screen and sees the “Due By” date on the document. Being that whatever she is working on is due soon, he figures waking her is probably the best option. But really, the work is just an excuse, he just wants to be able to be able to greet her properly.

Lucien touches MC’s shoulder and gives it a small shake, making her jolt up. MC sits up, her eyes clouded and her heart racing from the shock. Before even noticing the man beside her, MC sees the cup of coffee, grabs it, gulps it down and starts typing as if she had never stopped.

“Hm, so I can’t even get a ''hello” when I return from work?'' The scientist says, disappointment in his voice but a grin on his face. “That really hurts my feelings.” MC jumps at his voice and turns around, finally noticing him.

“Oh my god! Lucien, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there!” she explains frantically. “I was working all day and I wanted to take a nap earlier but I just had to finish up some things and run some errands and… I didn’t mean to-” Lucien stands closer to her and pats her head, making her stop talking.

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to panic.” He assures her with a grin. “I’ll let you get back to your work, you seem to be very invested in it. You can make it up to me later.”

“Oh, thank you so muc- wait, what do you mean “make it up to you”?”

Lucien walks toward the bathroom, ignoring her question.

“I’m going to go take a shower real quick.” He tells her, shutting the door.

MC nods at him slowly. She instantly focuses back on her work and starts typing once again. The sound of the shower running could be heard. MC feels a bit distracted by this. The thought of being in the same room as him while he’s showering. Her face heats up just thinking about it.

(NO! Stop that! This is totally normal. Don’t be embarrassed! Focus on your work.)

A few minutes go by and the bathroom door opens, making the sound of the shower more audible. MC looks over as a reflex. Lucien is standing there, dripping water head to toe, with nothing but a black towel around his waist. MC immediately turns back around and covers her eyes with her hands.

“I’M S-SO SORRY! I just heard the door open and-”

“No, no I’m sorry! I forgot my robe and I just needed to grab it from the bedroom real quick.” Lucien explains, quickly walking to the other side of the apartment. He goes in and shuts the door. MC heart begins to race, still recovering. 

(Oh man, this is all my fault. I should have just stayed in a hotel for a few days. Now I’m just making him uncomfortable!). She uncovers her eyes and looks at the document open on her computer screen again, trying to regain focus. Her fingers tried to type, but her mind wasn’t completely calm yet. 

(It’s fine, I’ve seen him without a shirt once, at the beach… it’s not like I haven’t seen that before… NO NO, this is completely different! He was in a towel! He was technically wearing NOTHING! Oh god, maybe I should just go back to my room and hope the gas they’ve used can knock me out.) 

The bedroom door slowly opens, making MC freeze up. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Lucien clad in a deep red robe. She doesn’t dare look over. (Nope, nuh uh.)

“I’m so sorry about that. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.” Lucien says to her.

“No! No! I’m sorry. I’ve come into your home. It must be really uncomfortable for you. Maybe I should go stay with a friend so I won’t be in your way.” His footsteps approach her, but she still doesn’t turn around. While he’s behind her, he places his hands on her shoulders.

“You don’t make me uncomfortable in the least. You can stay here as long as you need to. (Or longer if you’d like).”

“I-I only need to stay until Friday.” He smiles to himself and let’s her shoulders go.

“I’ve distracted you enough. I promise I’ll let you get back to your show report.”

“No no you’re fine, you’re not distracting me at all.”

“Hm… I see.” He says quietly, but loud enough for MC to hear.

(What did that mean? Oh never mind that, Come on, let’s finish this report!)

Almost half an hour passes before the sound of the shower stops.

(Wow, he takes really long showers.) MC thinks to herself. The door opens. In the corner of her eye is a robe clad Lucien with a towel on his head. Her own curiosity makes her want to look over a little more, but she shakes her head and looks back at the screen, typing away. Lucien walks across the apartment again towards the bedroom. 

(Hm, he’s probably gonna get dressed for bed. Does he normally go to sleep at this time? Wait, does he actually sleep at all? What does he wear to bed I wonder…. WAIT?! I DON’T WANNA KNOW THAT?! Why did I think that? Come on, focus!!!). Lucien walks out of the bedroom and shuts it behind him. He’s wearing a black t-shirt,long black pajama pants and tan-coloured house shoes.

“Focus!” She scolds herself out loud, not realizing how loud she was. She covers her mouth quickly. Lucien can’t help but overhear this and starts quietly chuckling. He walks over and places his arms around MC’s shoulders, catching her off guard.

“Lucien! Sorry, you startled me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He says. A few seconds go by and he still hasn’t moved or said anything. MC is confused, but decided to just continue typing. “What are you working on exactly?” Lucien asks her.

“Um, well, uh… ahem, just a report for the next show. It’s due soon so I have to spend as much time as I can on it.”

“What’s the episode about?”

“Oh, well, there’s a family we want to interview. They believe each one of them has a different super power. They have a newborn baby, they are worried because since their powers all vary, they have no idea what the baby’s could be.”

“That’s really interesting. I’m sure that will be a popular episode, Families all over Loveland would want to tune in.”

“Aww thank you. I feel pretty confident in this one.”

(He’s still got his arms around me… maybe he just forgot… should I say something? I mean, it’s not bad, but…). MC feels Lucien lean in closer, resting his head on her shoulder. 

“How close are you to finishing, considering the deadline?” His voice is quite close to her ears and they can’t help but turn red. She reaches up to scratch her ear, hoping to make it stop.

“Well, this is just a draft right now. I’ll finalize it tomorrow once I’ve finished. Then I have to have someone go through and see if it’s okay before I turn it in. So, a lot of steps”

“Oh I see, this is quite the important paper...”

“Mmhmm.” She says, half ignoring him while she types. She nears the end of a paragraph and tries to decide how to conclude.

“But is it more important than me?” He whispers into her ear, pulling her closer to him. MC jumps, making her coffee cup tip and almost fall over. “Oh dear… did I startle you again? Sorry about that...”

(What?! Of course you did!)

“N-no, I’m sorry, you just caught me off guard... Ahem, where was I…?”

“You didn’t answer my question?”

“Lucien I-” MC sighs. “No, it’s not MORE important. Um, you both are important. But, um, once I finish, then we can, like, hang out if you want.”

“I understand.” He says smiling. “Well, go on then.” He removes his hands from her shoulder, making her sigh in relief. But he quickly places them around her waist from behind.

“Lucien…”

“Yes.”

“I need to work…”

“Okay... and?” 

She lets out a giggle at this, but quickly stops herself.

(NO! Do not give in! We don’t have time for this!)

“AND it’s hard to do so with you… so close.”

“Oh, so, you’re saying I’m making it hard for you to focus?” 

In the darker parts of the screen, she can see his reflection and he has a big smirk on his face. “I’m not distracting you am I? Hm?”

(Oh god, he’s doing this on purpose, UGH!)

“No, I don’t mind having you here! It’s just that, um, if you could...”

“Uh huh?” He begins to nuzzle into the nape of her neck, making her blush deeper.

“I… um… uh… it’s just...”

“ ‘I… um… it’s just…?’ ” He echoes mockingly. “What’s wrong, cat got your silly little tongue?”

“No! Just, be quiet...” She whines, placing her hands back on the keyboard.

“You seem quite tense, maybe you should take a break.” He is no longer containing his chuckling.

(Oh man… maybe I could just take a little break... NO! We have to be firm and direct!)

“Ahem. Lucien, I can’t do this right now. I cannot take a break. This paper is important-”

“And I’m not?” He asks in her ear again. She shudders involuntarily, making him laugh with satisfaction.

“No y-you are, but I made a plan to finish this tonight and finalize it tomorrow and I just can’t right now. But we can, um, do this some other time.” He squeezes me tighter in his arms

“I’m not doing anything to keep you from typing. If you want to work, please feel free.”

MC realizes there’s nothing else she can do and decides to just try and continue working.

(Maybe he’ll eventually get bored and leave).

Each time MC makes a spelling or grammar error and has to backspace makes Lucien chuckle. She’s completely distracted no matter how hard she tries to ignore him.

“You still owe me from earlier.” He says in a low voice.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I came back from a long, hard day of work, finally able to come home to a cute girl and here I find you, fast asleep at your desk.”

“I’m sorry, I was just tire-”

“And then when you wake up, you don’t even greet me. No “hello”, no hug, not even smile. *sigh* Poor me.”

He’s still smiling, she can hear it in his voice.

“I said I was sorry,” MC apologizes, letting out a nervous laugh.

“You can still make it up to me by leaving this project for tomorrow and focusing on me instead.”

“Not now. Later.”

“Nope, now.”

“LA-TER.” She bites her lip to avoid grinning, but it’s no use.

“You know what’s interesting?”

“What now?” MC asks, nervously laughing again.

“You been on this same paragraph since I took my shower.”

MC freezes up. She looks at her document to double check.

(What? No I wrote more… oh wait he’s right. Nothing sounded right so I just kept backspacing. And I was so distracted I actually didn’t even make any progress. Crap! Damn him and his observation skills).

“Oh, was I right?” He places a kiss in her neck, sucking it a bit to leave a mark, making her let out a squeak. “What was that? Was that you? Silly girl.”

“.....”

(… fine…. you win. You jerk...)

He kisses her again, except on the cheek this time, humming happily to himself.

“Ugh, so, that  “I forgot my robe” thing” was planned wasn’t it?” The keyboard now is nothing but a place for her hands to rest. She pushes it forward and sets her hands on the desk. The monitor turns black as there has been no activity.

“Why do you say that?” He asks, kissing her neck again. She held back a moan to his dissatisfaction.

“Cause I know you. Plus you have photographic memory, obviously.” He smirks and kisses below her ear. She lets out a small whimper after trying to hold back.

“So you were distracted that whole time?”

“No!”

“Aw don’t lie.”

 “I’m not! I wrote a sen...tence or two. I was just more worried that I was being a burden than anything else.”

“A burden? Oh no, quite the opposite.” He kisses her neck between words. “I *kiss* enjoy *kiss* having *kiss* you here *kiss*.”

(Okay… Crap… Why is he so sweet...? I’ll just... leave this project for another time… god, I promised myself I wouldn’t procrastinate this time… UGH, Damn it Lucien., why are you this way?).

MC turns the office chair to face Lucien. He smiles victoriously as he lifts her out of the chair and into his arms. MC wraps her arms around his neck and presses her lips to his. After kissing for a minute or two Lucien quickly places MC back onto the ground and puts his hands in his pockets.

(Huh? Wait, what?)

“I’m so sorry,” Lucien says apologetically, his fingers pressing his brows together. “But we’ll have to continue some other time. I’m afraid I’m still quite busy. You can go back and do your work now if you’d like.” 

MC just stares at him, her mouth agape, not hiding her shock at all. This causes Lucien to laugh out loud, holding his stomach and cover his mouth with his other hand. MC turns even redder and crosses her arms.

“I was just joking, silly girl. I didn’t imagine you’d look so stunned.” He starts to crack up once more.

“Ugh! Shut up will you. You are so annoying…” He smiles at her, holds her in his arms and kisses her lips again. MC gives in and returns it, finding her arms around his neck again, as if they belonged there. He picks her up in his arms again, not breaking the kiss.

“Maybe you’d have…  finished before... I came back... if you hadn’t fallen asleep... Silly.” Lucien says between kisses. “You are you’re terrible sleep habits. Tsk tsk tsk.” MC weakly hits his shoulders in retaliation, making him laugh lightly.

“Stop… talking… you...”

Lucien walks with her in his arms toward the bedroom.

[bensroger]

Blue Eyes, Blue Skies - Ben Hardy! Roger Taylor

Summary: Mamma Mia meets Borhap! Freddie makes the band take a band retreat to the beautiful island of Kalokairi, and makes Roger go whether he likes it or not. Y/N runs the local hotel with her mother, and enjoys her time on the island, but can’t help but want more. Y/N can’t help but sing one night, which Roger happens to hear. Only a day in, and there’s already some girl stuck in his head… Why did it have to be him?

Word Count: 4474

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Okay so basically reader is just an older Sophie type that kind of dresses like Donna and goes through the same things as her. This is a little cheesy and it DOES get a little musical, so I recommend getting your Mamma Mia 2 soundtrack (I Have a Dream & Mamma Mia) ready if you want the FULL experience lmao! I don’t know how to feel about this, and most of the outfits I mentioned are from the movie. I hope you guys enjoy this! I love Mamma Mia and Borhap so whew! This has been in my drafts forever and I’m a lil nervous to post!

It was a particularly sunny day on the island of Kalokairi, and the sky was a bright beautiful blue that clashed with the darker and deeper blue of the ocean. Business was slow today, nobody had really come into the hotel since it was a weekday, but you’d at least get a few people on vacation at this time of the week. You could hear your mom making her way down the stairs to the lobby. You gave her a wide, fake smile, and she just shook her head, smiling herself. You opened your mouth to speak, but she started before you had the chance.

“You don’t have to ask me Y/N, you can take the rest of the day off.” Your mom said, looking at you. It’s not that you hated the hotel, and you actually really enjoyed running it with her, but sometimes… Sometimes it just got tiring.

You had been living on the island of Kalokairi your whole life. Your mom came from America when she was around 22 years old, and then had you and raised you here. You love Greece, you really did, but there was still so much of the world you wanted to see.

You grinned at your mom before giving her a hug, then grabbing your bag and running out. You’d usually just sit on the beach or walk around the town. You loved the life and environment here, and you wouldn’t want it any other way. At the little bar not far from your hotel, you’d occasionally sing. Your mom was close with the owner, Nefeli, so she’d let you perform in addition to her son from time to time. Nefeli loved your voice.

You had a few friends on the island, one of your closest being a girl who had moved here from America, just like your mom had all those years go. Her name was Amanda, and she was independently studying the plants and animals nearby. You met her a few years ago but she quickly became one of your best friends, seeing as she was the only girl around town close to your age.

The stone steps were uneven beneath your flimy sandals, your long skirt blowing in the wind as you headed down to the beach. The sun was nearly setting, and you always thought it was so beautiful to watch from here, at the bottom of the steps, below the hill with the church on top of it. You sat alone on the sand, the wind in your loose and messy hair as the air began to grow colder. You could see a few boats in the distance, and you hoped that some day, you’d be on one of them, off to see the world.

You weren’t necessarily trapped or anything, but it would greatly impact your mom if you did leave her, so for her sake you stayed and helped run the hotel with her. You could see the last passenger boat of the night dock, and let off a few people. You could only make out four men from here, and they were dressed pretty flashy… At least, flashy for a little island in Greece. With a frown, you turned your focus back to the deep blue ocean in front of you, with little sunlight available now. You felt yourself smile as you closed your eyes, letting the water mist you a little bit. You grabbed your bag as you headed up toward the hills to the trees. There was occasionally a few animals here, especially in the mornings, but right now it was empty… Except for the beautiful glow of the fireflies around you. You picked a few of your favorite flowers, accompanied by a few fruits. You had a vase in your bedroom that you constantly filled with flowers you picked yourself. You twirled in your skirt, letting out a little laugh as you watched the fireflies lightly buzz around you.

Meanwhile, across the shore, Roger Taylor was tapping his foot impatiently on dolphin tile of a run down looking hotel. But who was he kidding? This whole town on this small island kind of looked run down… He didn’t even want to be here, if he was perfectly honest. Freddie had suggested it so that they maybe get inspiration for the next album, as if that was going to come from a sad little unknown island in Greece. The boat ride alone over to the island was pure hell, he didn’t want to spend anymore time here.

Brian was standing next to him, talking to Deaky about what they could do on the island. When Roger heard Brian murmur something about going on a row, he let out a loud scoff, and turned to the two boys. “There’s no way in hell you’re getting me on another one of those boats.” He said to Brian.

Deaky let out a  sigh. “Look, I know you don’t want to be here, but we’re doing this to take some time away from everything. I think it’ll be good for us. It’s practically paradise.” Deaky said with a soft smile, and Roger only rolled his eyes.

Before anything else could be said, Freddie came out of the building onto the patio, a satisfied smile rested on his face. He held up two keys. “Two of us will have to share rooms, but I think this hotel is quite cute, wouldn’t you say?” He said, turning around and admiring the hotel. Freddie noticed Roger’s annoyed face and smirked. “Come on Rog, it’s a band retreat, enjoy it a little!” He exclaimed.

Roger shook his head. “Freddie, there’s absolutely nothing to do on this island, it’s just a waste of time.”

Freddie, still smirking, rolled his eyes. “Oh please, it’ll be amazing. You can hit up all the Greek girls you want, find an Aphrodite even.” Freddie said, turning on his heel and heading inside.

Deaky and Brian grabbed their bags and headed inside the hotel too, leaving Roger standing outside under the dim patio light by himself. With an annoyed sighed, he grabbed his bags and followed behind them.

The room itself wasn’t so bad. It had two twin beds, nothing exciting. Roger still wasn’t impressed though, and didn’t bother to meet the woman at the front desk. He was sharing his room with Brian, while Deaky was with Freddie. Eventually, they all settled in their rooms.

You came back into the hotel later than your mom liked, but you were a grown woman and there wasn’t anything she could really do to stop you. She gave you a look of ‘you know better,’ and you hung your head in shame as you entered her view. You set the bag down on the counter of the hotel, the fruits nearly rolling out. She sighed. “Four more boys checked in tonight. You’ll have to check on them in the morning, see if they need anything.” She said in a stern voice.

You hated checking in on people, it was so weird and uncomfortable… But it was the polite thing to do in a hotel this small. You opened your mouth to argue but instead closed it, swiftly picked up your bag and headed up to your bedroom. As you placed the bag on your desk, you pulled the flowers out and placed them in your metal vase. You smoothed out your orange skirt as you looked in the mirror. You hair was a mess, and there was still sand beneath your fingernails. You headed toward your balcony, pushing the doors wide open. You looked out to the ocean, watching a boat head away from the island. You furrowed your brows as you watched it sail away, wishing that you were on the boat, off to see the world.

You closed your eyes and started humming, but it quickly grew into a soft little song. That was another thing about you; You were so musical, and always immersed yourself deep into your songs. “I have a dream… A song to sing.” You hummed out softly, opening your eyes as watched the ocean. “To help me cope, with anything… If you see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail.” You smiled as you sang.

The doors to the balcony of the room right below you were wide open, the wind blowing into the room. Roger was sitting on his bed, reading one of his favorite books, On the Road, when he heard something. It was a soft and angelic voice. He put his book down and sat up, furrowing his brows as he tried to figure out where the voice was coming from. It was just him in the room, as Brian was taking a shower. Once Roger stepped on the balcony, he was able to hear it clearer. “I believe in angels, something good in everything I see.”

Roger realized it was coming from a room nearby him, and it took him a few seconds to realize it was coming from the balcony directly above him. It was obviously a girl voice, soft and quiet, yet one of the prettiest voices he’s heard. It was calming, and normally he’d try to chase the voice down but he found it relaxing. He didn’t want to ruin to his moment. “I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me I’ll cross the stream… I have a dream.” The voice softly sang before quietting down for the night. Roger stood on the balcony, hoping the unnamed voice would return.

Roger would’ve waited longer if weren’t for Brian’s “What’re you doing?” Brian frowned. Roger turned around and scratched the back of his neck.

“Just looking at the stars, they’re a lot more clear here.” And Roger frowned. “Maybe I need to give this play a chance…” He muttered to himself.

“What was that?” Brian asked, a frown on his face.

“Nothing.” Roger said. “We should get to bed, it’s late and it took some time to travel here.” And with that, the night was drawing to a close, finally.

The next morning, you woke up remembering it was your day off. You practically jumped out of bed, filled with excitement about what today might hold, especially since Amanda was coming over. After you had taken a shower, you put on a denim bralette with floral patterned yellow pants. Unlike yesterday’s low pony, you let your hair hang loose and wavy. You tied it together with a silver locket around your neck and sandals as always. Today was hotter than usual, so you made sure to dress breezy. You headed down to the hotel lobby to find it packed with quite a few people. A few more people were checking while a few were checking out.

You tried to weave between people when you slammed head-on right into someone else. You almost fell but the person grabbed you by your waist, saving you from falling. You looked up to see a man with blonde hair, and these amazing blue eyes. His arm slipped away as he steadied you. Your breath was taken away by the encounter, and you were more embarrassed than anything. The blonde man gave you a grin as you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks. He gave you the most charming smile, and you could feel your heart start to race.

Roger opened his mouth to introduce himself to this pretty girl who quite literally fell for him, but before he could say anything you softly said, “I’m sorry.” and hurriedly weaved your way through the crowd, away from him.

Once you were outside, you took a deep breath, calming yourself down from that sort of awkward, sort of hot, encounter you just had. Not too often did guys your age come around to the island, let alone stay at your hotel… You began to bite your lip as you leaned on the stone wall, looking out to deep blue ocean. You felt your heartbeat start to slow down as you looked out to the ocean. You jumped as you felt a tap on your shoulder, bringing you out of your thoughts. You turned around to find Amanda.

“Oh God Amanda you scared me… You’ll never believe the most awkward situation I was just in.” You sighed.

Amanda grinned as your face turned a shade of pink. You shook your head as you headed up a hill, away from the patio of the hotel and deeper into the trees now as you got further away from the city. Alyssa trailed behind you. “Okay, you’re really fast.” She huffed. “You can’t leave me hanging like that Y/N, what do you mean ‘awkward situation’?”

You buried your face in your hands, recounting the memory. “Oh God it was really awful… The lobby was packed and I tried to get through and ended up running right into someone… I would’ve fallen if he hadn’t caught me. Amanda, you had to have seen him, he had the most angelic eyes.” You sighed. “I was so embarrassed. I think he was going to talk to me but I ran away.”

Amanda laughed behind you. “Oh Y/N you moron, why did you run?” She shook her head jokingly and you rolled your eyes as you pushed some branches out of the way to clear a path. You finally got to your one place of serenity; your secret little cottage. It wasn’t pretty to look at; the windows were broken, the paint chipping, nails sticking out of the floor, the door barely hanging on… But you loved it. You loved this worn down, barely standing, and potentially hazardous little cottage because nobody else knew about it. Amanda and you would always come here to escape, to share your little talks and laughs. It was your favorite place to be. You had even tried to decorate it a little bit with an old rug and old vase that you filled with the same flowers you picked yesterday.

You and Amanda sat on the rug, peeling a few oranges that you had also gathered yesterday. She spoke as she did so. “So, Bill told me that when he pulled up to the dock he swears he saw Queen…”

You narrowed your eyes as you tried to remember, recall who or what Queen was. Amanda frowned as she noticed you thinking. “Y/N… The band?”

“Oh yeah, I think I have a few of their records!” You shouted in recognition now. You hadn’t a clue what any of them looked like, though. You frowned. “What would they be doing here?”

Amanda thought, and then shrugged. “I’m not really sure. Anyway, are you going to perform at Nefeli’s tonight? You know they love you.” She said, laying down next to you.

“Yeah, I mean I have fun singing but tonight… Tonight is going to be special.” You said, giving her a soft smile. You laid down next to Amanda. “Why is it so hot today? I can hardly the stand the heat.” You sighed.

“I know!” Amanda said, shooting up. She held her hand out to you. “Let’s go out on the water, it’s bound to cool you off!”

***

Across the island, Roger was at the beach with the boys. Freddie and Deaky were making a sand castle, while Brian was looking at the tide pools. Roger looked across the ocean and sighed. He couldn’t stop thinking about the girl from last night… The voice… It was just so… “No! No seaweed barrier, this is a lavish sand castle and seaweed is disgusting!” Freddie sneered at Deaky, bringing Roger out of his thoughts. Deaky frowned. Freddie reached into his pocket and placed a sand dollar at the top of the castle. “Perfect.” Deaky’s only response was an eye roll, but he couldn’t help but smile.

Roger walked over to Deaky and Freddie, who were now over the sand castle and had moved onto watching the ocean while sitting in the sand. It was a big shift in the mood. There was a sailboat out on the ocean, and Freddie’s face lit up. “We should all get on a sailboat.”

Roger groaned. “I can’t stand boats, please no.” He sighed. But it was too late, and there was no changing Freddie’s mind.

***

You seemed to be the only one rowing, and you were getting annoyed. Why you agreed to go on the water with Amanda, you weren’t sure; you always did the rowing by yourself. “Amanda you have to row!” You huffed.

“I am rowing!” She shouted back.

“Hardly! I’m doing all the work.” You sighed. “Oh God, there’s another giant sailboat. Come on, we should move before they practically ram into us.” You laughed, easing the tension between you two. However, as the sailboat seemed to get closer to you, you and Amanda went back to bickering. The sailboat wasn’t very tall so it couldn’t do much damage to your rowboat, but it’d definitely jolt you. “Amanda, we’re heading straight for the sailboat, you have to row with me!” You said quickly, trying to get her to. It was getting closer now. “Amanda, fucking row with me!” You shouted. You sighed, and braced for impact. The whole boat shook, including the sailboat.

“Why were you yelling at me?” She shouted at you.

“Because you clearly weren’t rowing, you were just sitting there while I did all of the work!” You rolled your eyes.

“You did all of the work? Why I-” She started, before she placed her hands on your shoulders gave you a push, sending you backwards into the water, and a scream escaped your lips as you did so.

The cold water felt nice after being in the sun for so long. After a few seconds, you popped your head up out of the water. You came up behind the boat, and leaned on the back of it, causing Amanda to lose her footing and fall in as well. Amanda popped her head up to you and looked at you, causing you both to crack up laughing. “I hate you so much.” You laughed.

“Are you two alright?” A voice above you said, and you looked up to see a man with a dark hair.

“Yes, we’re fine! Sorry for hitting your sailboat.” You called out. Amanda’s mouth hung open, and you frowned at her reaction. Another face appeared next to him, but this time it was a man with blonde hair. It was the same guy from this morning. “Shit” you whispered.

The blonde man immediately recognized you. “It’s you from this morning!” He shouted down at you.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah… Sorry about that…”

He gave you another one of his charming smiles. “It’s quite alright, love. You just took off before I could even get your name. I’m Roger.”

You returned a softer smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Darlings, would you like to join us or something? Rowing seems… Hard.” The darker haired man called out below to you.

“Thank you for the invite, but we have a lot of laughs and it’s fine.” You climbed back into the row boat, your floral pants sticking to your legs. You helped Amanda up who remained speechless this entire time. “Well, it was night meeting you Roger and…” You frowned, realizing you hadn’t learned the other man’s name.

“Freddie.” He finished for you, giving you a smile.

You gave them a small wave before you started rowing away. Amanda had a puzzled look on her face, and you almost laughed. “Amanda, you haven’t been this quiet since Bill accidently lost your shoe in the water. What is it?”

“Y/N, that was literally Queen.” She said, a confused look on her face. “And… You ran into Roger this morning? Oh my God why didn’t you tell me!” She exclaimed.

You frowned. “I… did tell you.” You said, confused.

“So that means they’re staying at your hotel then? This is insane, I can’t believe Queen is staying at your hotel I have to get my polaroid and-” She was talking a mile a minute.

“Amanda, calm down… The sun’s starting to set, we should get back to shore. We can discuss Queen later and you can freak out then, for now, I don’t want to get stuck at sea.” You said, and she just nodded. This time, you two were able to suck it up and work together and return without any major problems. The sun was just about set, and you gave the horizon one last look before you headed up to the town.

It was busy tonight, and there was a lot of hustle and bustle between shops. When you finally got to the bar, it was nearly packed. Nefeli was behind the counter cleaning glasses as her son stood beside her helping making drinks. Nefeli’s other son, however, was standing on the stage, playing guitar badly with a few of his friends. He was singing too, and boy was it bad.

Nefeli’s eyes lit up as soon as she saw. “Oh thank God, I couldn’t take much more of his bumbling.” She laughed and her eyes crinkled. “Our amazing talented Y/N!” She exclaimed.

“Hey Nefeli! It’s so packed tonight!” You said looking around.

“They’re all here because of you!” She said proudly, and Nefeli always made you feel so good. She showered you in compliments.

You couldn’t help but grin, and Nefeli shuffled up to the stage. Her son gave her a disappointed look, but the audience just looked relieved. She spoke into the microphone, a proud smile on her face. “Now I know the reason you’re all here, and it surely wasn't’t for my son.” The joke earned a laughed from the audience, and even you found yourself laughing. “Please welcome to the stage, our one and only Y/N!” She said.

You made your way to the stage through the crowd as the audience clapped and cheered. You even had a few whistles. Your clothes were a little damp still, but your hair was completely dry and even messier now. It was a cute messy though; wavy and natural. Amanda followed behind you. “You got this Y/N! Be fast though so we can get to your hotel, I want to meet Queen!” She said eagerly, and you shot her a look.

Nerves had always and always will be a problem. The crowd was bigger than usual tonight, and you weren’t even wearing a stage outfit. The music softly played in the background, and you let the words escape your mouth. “I was cheated by you, and I think you know when…” The piano played softly in the background and you smiled, butterflies still in your stomach. The light was only on you know, and you couldn’t see any faces within the crowd. “So I’ve made up my mind, it must come to an end… Look at me now, will I ever learn, I don’t know how…” You took in a deep breath. “But I suddenly lose control, there’s a fire within my soul.” The beat started to pick up and you couldn’t help but grin.

People started to cheer as it picked up. “Just one look and I can hear a bell ring, One more look and I forgot everything, whoa.” You sang in the microphone, your nerves melting away as you immersed yourself in the song and the audience did the same.

“Mamma mia, Here I go again… My my, How can I resist ya?” You sang. You moved around the stage. You stood out against the painted flowers on the wall, and the crowd was really into the song. Everyone was dancing, even yourself. “Mamma Mia, does it show again… My my, just how much I missed you?”

Outside the bar, it just so happened that the boys were walking by. Freddie had been shopping for some clothes to wear out on the beach, when they walked by and heard a voice. Roger’s face lit up, because he instantly recognized the voice as the one from last night. The boys didn’t even noticed when he had slipped away into the bar. Roger wasn’t expecting the large crowd. He was trying to make his way to the stage to finally see where the voice was coming from. However, people kept blocking it the stage, and he could never get a good look at who was singing it.

“Mamma mia, now I really know.” The voice sang out. The song had a contagious tune, and Roger needed to know who was singing. With one final shove, he made his way to the left side of the stage.

You were slightly sweaty from all the moving around and singing, and you were tired honestly, but you’d never let it show. As the last lines approached you gave it all you got. “My my, I should not have let you go!” You tried to end with a cute pose, but instead only ended up with your feet getting caught up in some wires. You fell backwards, your arms shooting out in front of you, trying to grasp something to catch yourself. Instead of feeling the impact of the floor, you swiftly and perfectly fell into someone’s arms.

The person was holding you bridal style, and you were trying to process what was going on; your heart was still beating so fast. “Oh my gosh I’m so so sorry.” You said, and then you looked up to see who caught you, only to find a pair of blue, angelic eyes staring down at you. It was Roger.

“It’s you.” Roger said, looking down at you, before a grin spread across his face.

[thespeedyreader]

The Oxbridge application process

Hey, stxdywarrior here! I’ve recently just applied to Cambridge University to study English, and I wanted to share my tips and experiences to help you if you’re interested in applying. First of all, if you’re applying to Oxford or Cambridge, that’s great! They’re both amazing universities, and applying is going to be challenging but so rewarding. I have no doubt that you’ll excel, whatever you want to do.

Please share this and add to it if you wish to!

A quick note: While this masterpost is general, I have to stress that lots of these tips may only apply to humanities subjects. I don’t have much to say about the sciences, I’m afraid. If you are applying for a science, however, I still hope you can find some great content in here for you.

UCAS application

Okay, first thing’s first: the application itself. Applying to Oxbridge is different because you have to have your UCAS form sent by October 15th (while everyone else has the luxury of waiting until January), and while that sounds stressful, it’s a great feeling to get it done early, trust me. And this means having applied to ALL your chosen universities, not just Oxford or Cambridge.

Another thing that’s different about Oxbridge is that they’re collegiate universities, so you’ll have to choose a college. Or, you can choose to make an open application, meaning you’ll be assigned a college later by the university. Don’t stress too much about this stage - people choose certain colleges for all sorts of reasons, and they’re all good anyway. I chose my college because it was small and had good student wellbeing services.

Because the deadline is so early, I would recommend you start thinking about your personal statement by Summer, so that when you get back in September, you can hit the ground running. Here are a few tips I have for your personal statement:

 Get all the help you can. And by this I mean: ask everyone you know who might be helpful to have a look over it. This means teachers, family members, classmates, and anyone you know who’s recently been through the same process you are going through.

That being said, make sure all of the opinions don’t leave you at see. I found it really hard when one person was telling me one thing and another was telling me the opposite, but I learned to balance my OWN judgements with other peoples’.

Don’t worry about the character count until your last drafts. Make sure you nail the content first.

It doesn’t matter how many drafts you have to get through, as long as you save all the drafts. I think I got through like 14 drafts?

Don’t JUST write it for Oxbridge. What I mean is, the other universities on your list matter too. So even though Oxbridge don’t care much about your extracurriculars, that doesn’t mean you should ignore them.

It isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. Even if you’ve only done a few things, if you write about them well, then they’re still just as impressive.

A tip not everyone hears is that the universities want to hear about your personal response to things. Don’t just say you read a book; say how it made you feel, and why you were interested in it. Use phrases like ‘I was fascinated by’ and ‘this intrigued me’. I’m serious.

Remember that your personal statement is literally the hardest piece of writing you have to do. It’s easy to feel daunted by it, but there are plenty of resources out there to help.

Supplementary Application Questionnaire (Cambridge only)

If you’ve applied to Cambridge, you’ll soon get ask to do the SAQ. This isn’t a big deal, but it’s quite a long form to fill out, so it’s best to do it carefully and start early. You’ll be asked things like what modules you’ve studied in your a levels, and you have to include a profile photo of yourself. At the end, you can also write an additional personal statement. This is optional, but just for reference, my one included some things I’d done that I hadn’t included on my personal statement, and I related them to some of the specific modules on the Cambridge course.

Entrance exams

Depending on which subject you’re applying for, you may be asked to sit an exam. This will be typically registered through your school or college, and it’s important to make sure you sign up before the deadline (which will be set by your school). The exams happen around late October.

As I was applying for English, I took the ELAT (English Literature Admissions Test). In the ELAT I was given six texts (poems or novel excerpts), all linked by a theme, and I had to pick two to ‘compare and contrast’. So there was no set structure, and I couldn’t strictly revise for it. In terms of preparation, you can find past papers, and it also helps to do language analysis of some unseen poetry just so you’re used to it. You will NEVER be tested on things you don’t know; they’re more looking for the way you form and present an argument.

Essay submission

Depending on which subject you’re applying for (mainly humanities), you may be asked by email to submit essays to your chosen college. I was asked to send in two essays that I’d done in a school setting (I got to choose, whew), and I needed to print four copies of each (no idea why) and get my teachers to sign it to prove it was my work. The essays can’t be edited.

One thing to note is that, while Oxford usually let you email them, Cambridge are still in the Dark Ages and will only receive them by post. So if you’re applying to Cambridge and are a confused millennial like me, who literally never uses post, I’d get the essays in early.

Another thing is that my college constantly emailed me reminders about the essay deadline, so unless you live under a rock you can’t miss it.

The interview

As the final stage of the application process, you will (hopefully!) be invited to interview. They’ll let you know by email in late November. Cambridge typically invite about 80% of applicants, whereas Oxford invite less, which I think is about 50%. So if you get an interview, congratulations! And don’t panic. People say it’s the biggest factor in the process, when in reality the universities treat each part of your application equally.

Interviews are done differently by each university. In Oxford, you’ll be asked to stay at your college for a few days, because not only do your college interview you, but your application is sent around other colleges, so you could be invited to interview at another college at any time. (Sorry I can’t shed more light on this, as I didn’t apply to Ox.) In Cambridge, you only get interviewed by one college, and you have the option of staying overnight or just going for the day.

How to prepare:

While you don’t need to go overboard with this one, do read a lot around your subject in the few weeks beforehand, so that if they ask, “so, what have you been reading lately?”, you’ve got a lot to say.

If you have the opportunity to do a practise interview, take it. My school organised one for me, but even if your school doesn’t, find someone - like a teacher - who can do it for you. Even if it’s them just grilling you on your personal statement, at least you’ll be used to articulating your arguments in an interview setting.

If you sent in essays, make sure you read over those essays beforehand. They asked me about one of mine.

Map out some generic questions that they might ask you. For English, for example, I researched questions like, “is it better to read a play or see it in production?” and “what’s the difference between literacy and literature?” and even “what is literature?”

You’ll be notified by email the professors who will be interviewing you. I’d recommend looking them up (they’ll be on your college website) and finding out what they specialise in.

Read over your personal statement as many times as you have to. They’re very likely to ask you about something on there.

This sounds cliche, but PLEASE look after yourself before the interview. It always takes place right at the end of a really busy term, so watch out for colds and things (I’m telling you this because I was recovering from a chest infection when I interviewed, and had only just got my voice back RIP)

The interview itself

If you’re doing a humanities subject, you might be given a source or written extract to look at before one of the interviews, and then they’ll discuss it with you. I’d bring lots of highlighters for you to annotate. (I was expected to just be given a poem for English, but I actually got a poem AND part of a critical essay. Go figure.)

No one cares what you’re wearing. I mean, wear sensible stuff, but there’s no need to try to hard.

This is a bit random, but my teacher told me to make a list of all the things I love about my second choice university the night before, to remind myself that Oxbridge isn’t everything. Believe it or not, it worked.

You have to expect to be put on the spot, and this means on-your-feet thinking. I heard they can smell a rehearsed answer from a mile away.

When you’re waiting to interview, you’ll probably meet loads of other applicant like you. It’s up to you whether you chat with them or not - I know some people like to keep themselves to themselves to keep their focus, while I personally loved getting to know people, as chatting helped me stay calm. Either way, everyone’s in the same boat, so don’t worry.

If you’re like me, and easily get distracted by social media, I’d recommend staying off it for the whole day if you can. I did this, and it helped me protect my mental space and keep out negative thoughts.

Some of your interviewers might come across as a bit scary. They might also disagree with everything you say, which can be off-putting. Try not to worry too much if this happens - stand your ground.

When you make an argument, be prepared to justify it, but also, if you want to change your mind, do it. The interviewers are looking for a teachable mind, not someone who’s right all the time and knows everything, so show you have an open mind.

Once the interview’s over, all you have to do is get some well-deserved rest and wait! Try not to overthink how it went, because in reality you have no idea. Some people think they did awfully, but end up getting an offer, so.

The decision

Okay, here’s the truth: Oxbridge is not the be-all and end-all. It just isn’t. Your worth and intelligence cannot be defined by an institution.

For when you’re waiting for a decision: think of Oxbridge as a bonus. This is what I did: I had another university as my ‘first choice’, so that Cambridge was just an extra.

If you don’t get an offer: You will be so happy at wherever you decide to go instead. Think of it as Oxford or Cambridge’s loss, not yours - hundreds of applicants who are very much smart enough to get a place don’t, and that isn’t because they aren’t good enough.

While it’s okay to feel disappointed, it’s best to focus on the amazing learning experience that applying has been. You’ve shown yourself that you can handle all that while still maintaining your priorities and sense of self. So you should STILL be proud.

If you do get an offer: Congratulations! Party time. Except it’s not time to party just yet, because you’ve still got to get the a level grades to secure your spot.

I hope this helped! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else you want to know.

Just tagging a few people who have been through the same process/have asked about it: @rebeccaravenclaw @littlebitofstudy @lesbianlondongrammar @sectumsempracurse