#i dont even know what fucking cws id put in for this. if theres any lmk

[sifloopboning]

braindumping here. come into my study and sit down by the fire withbme. ill be busting my actual load under readmore preemptively bc i know im a wordy mf

also prefacing by lettin u know i dont know much about like. 24/7 Bee-DSMV dynamics / rules / established lore / meta decks etc. however i do think this makes me qualified to talk abt siffedloop in one because you know good and damn well they dont know shit OR fuck either. actually they prolly know even less. anyways

siffedloop can have little a 24/7 ds rship with a dynamic that makes both of them feel way more secure, reassured, and loved. as a treat. tbh kind of like an expansion pack to my Poasts from yday where i talkd abt loop claiming ownership of sif's body and soul in a fun and sexy way? i think it'd be good for loop, who lost everything they had inlcuding the person they used to be and their physical body.

like listen. we'll have to do a character analysis before we get to suckenfucken. edit this is 95% chara analysis i think i actually didnt even say a single sexy thing. ANYWAYS. i have locked the doors and windows listen to me. listen. loop has NOTHING. they lost everything they had, everything they were, all of their relationships, even the clothes off of their back that they've had for as far as they can remember. loop didnt get to keep anything they care about once they made the wish that made them into what they are now and created the current siffrin. the current siffrin who they helped escape the timeloop that destroyed them, even as they had to watch him get further than they couldve ever dreamed of, even as siffrin got everything that loop suffered for. died for. wished and destroyed themselves for. loop gave everything they had and were, and they got NOTHING for it!

so! the headspace situation vis a vis the Dynamic is that methinks it would give loop a good sense of security, satisfaction, and safety to get to Have / "own" something that is undeniably Theirs. that they have an indisputable right to have on all levels. since again, the current siffrin was made specifically to fulfill loop's wish. his body was created by the universe either using loop's own, or in loop's image at the very least. so!

and that's before getting into the fact that siffrin, as they themselves state, only managed to get out of the timeloop thanks to loop. he would have given up far before managing to get to where they needed to be without loop at best, and gotten frozen while being tormented by the manifestation of their Agonies for eternity in act 5 at worst. sif owes it all to loop and they very much know it! even more than loop does!

so! loop may not have their their cloak, hat, body, or old rship w their friends anymore, but they do have siffrin! not just that, but they have a right to siffrin, which would be soothing in on itself to loopie methinks.

on the siffrin side i think it would provide them frankly insane amount of comfort and security to be "owned" by someone who knows him inside and out (the canon selfcest enjoyerrrrrrrr). like they forced themselves to keep an iron grip on their emotions, reactions, and body during the loops for so long, under what they felt like was the threat of smth worse than death (perceived abandonment / disappointment). having someone who they love and trust, who thinks in a way that is very compatible w how he thinks (& whose thinking process does take into consideration 99% of the things he feels are relevant) that makes the decisions at the end of the day would be like heroine to that gay little neurotic prey animal i think.

like! i think just the knowledge that they dont have to make every decision, or control their behavior to Make Himself Palatable/Not Fuck Up Everything Irreversibly would be immensely relaxing and anxiety-easing to him. if loop owns their body, soul, and life (as is their right) then siffrin doesnt have to constantly be Alert and doing 486374 mental calculations at once to make the Right Decisions. (from actual decisions to super minor stuff like socializing bc keep in mind this is the guy who happily says he can just Kermit to redo a social interaction they think they Failed in like. act 2.)

ALSO siffrin tends to convince himself that theyre manipulating / forcing people into liking then or giving him what he wants (affection, friendship, touch, etc) and well. being in a rship dynamic where their partner has all the power and chooses if/when touch happens and to what extent would greatly reduce that anxiety for them. & loop as this partner knows sif's boundaries, wants and needs pretty well, along with being able to read them so well sif thought they might be able to read his mind.

lastly (for now) due to the sheer amount of trust this requires on both ends, imo the only person either of them would feel comfortable having this kind of rship dynamic with would be each other. THANK YOU FOR COMING (hheh) TO MY TED TALK

[puer-aurea]

i make mouthwashing oc and au (yes it is fix it au yes theres still angst) Part 1 (You are here) | Part 2 cw: uncensored jimbird beneath the cut </3 also im using james for his last name cz his id card looks like the last name starts w J and he seems to be a white guy

"BEEP!" The ship's detection alarm woke her up but she kept her eyes closed and didn't move from her nap spot in the cockpit. She figured when the robotic woman's voice kicked in it would simply point out a meteor in the path and that the auto-pilot would re-direct. "Wreck detected. Scanning ship." Well, that wasn't how that was supposed to go. She opened her eyes and looked to the screens that displayed the exterior surroundings. On the screen that displayed what was to the east of her, there was a Pony Express delivery ship. "Hahh, Pony Express? There should only be one ship out since they went out of business." She walked over to the cabinets and took out the search and rescue binder than listed all of the ships that would be active during the year of her trip and when they were estimated to arrive at their destination. "Identification found. V-I-N Number XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Analyzing damage." (i certainly dont know enough abt vins to make one up and i couldnt find if the pony express ship has one)

She flipped to the page that would have that VIN if it was in service that year and confirmed it was the only active Pony Express ship. "External damage: seventy-six percent. Survivability chance: thirteen percent."

She laughed internally. "No way any one on that ship survived knowing Pony Express. Might as well check anyway." She shrugged and sat back at the seat, turning the auto-pilot off and setting it to dock at the Pony Express ship's boarding door. The auto-pilot kicked back in with the ship's new instructions. After a moment of calculations, the ship began slow movements to dock.

She left the cockpit to put on her suit in case the inside of the ship wasn't safe to breathe. Or, considering it was a Pony Express ship, it could not be safe to touch.

"Docking success. Making connection."

The intercom voice sounded through the ship just as she put on her helmet. She made her way to the boarding door and checked over herself to make sure she was set while she waited for the bridge to finish connecting. "Connected." The doors to the bridge opened and she stepped out onto it. She waited for the door back to her ship to close to prevent any possible contamination before approaching the Pony Express ship.

"A code?! I have to input a fucking code to get in? They really were setting their workers up for failure." She scoffed. "No wonder they went out of business, if it weren't for the automation of large deliveries, it would've been the lawsuits that continue to increase even after they went out of business."

She took her pocket sized toolkit out and fumbled with it before getting frustrated and taking her gloves off. She messed around with the code input section until it the screen come off and she could get to the innerworkings. From there, it was more fumbling, tinkering, and swearing at the complexities. When the doors finally slid open, she let out a sigh of relief and prayed there was something worth her time inside. Whether it was people or valuables, she didn't care much.

She walked through the halls, taking note of the many mouthwash bottles and the foam. It was a good idea in concept, but Pony Express' execution and need to cut corners made it do more harm than good. She picked up one of the empty bottles of mouthwash and looked over it, taking quick note of the nutrition label.

"Jesus- that amount of sugar would kill an old victorian child. This isn't cleaning anything!" She tossed the bottle behind her and kept walking.

Most hallways and doors seemed to be completely foamed over or locked shut. She figured she could do a quick look over the easy access places before trying to get into any of those. As she got closer to what was labelled as the living area on blueprints she had seen, she heard hushed noises. She couldn't tell if they were people talking or random noises from the ship. When she entered the living area and looked in, she immediately noticed the three living people sitting together and they noticed her.

"Holy sh- I didn't expect there to be anyone alive in here!" She said in shock.

"We're saved!" A boy with light hair and dark roots shouted as he ran to her and hugged her.

"Daisuke! You can't just grab random people like that." An older, scruffier looking man yelled at him. "Sorry..." He said with a sheepish grin and let go of her.

There was footsteps behind her and she turned around to see a man who looked like the one listed for the Pony Express ship's co-captain on her documents.

"Who are you?" The presumed co-captain asked her in an accusatory tone.

"I am Captain Arabella and I work with the No Boundaries Search and Rescue team. I was on patrol and your ship appeared on my radar. The company provided documents lead me to believe you are the co-captain Jimmy?" Arabella held out her hand for a handshake.

"I'm the acting captain currently. Curly is in no position to lead." Jimmy told her matter-of-factly as he shook her hand.

He had a firm grip but it still seemed off. Certainly felt like someone who had the makings to be a captain but something made her feel like he wasn't a good one. She couldn't help but wipe her hand on her suit after he let go and she couldn't tell if it was from phantom dirtiness or actual dirtiness. "Well, you all can board my ship and I can redirect to the nearest planet. I'll notify the landing crew and they'll have medics ready to look at everyone by the time we land." She tries to give them a reassuring smile but the weight of the co-captain's eyes on her made her uneasy. "We really are saved!" The boy from earlier, Daisuke, pumped his arm in the air triumphantly.

thats all for now folks

[sweetronancer]

not to vent on main but..... (tw? cw? idk)

i feel completely useless. theres nothing i can do! like i just sit around and i dont do shit all day and i feel burnt out and i dont even know what to do and my dads complaining about being the only one doing jack shit for our family and if he just let me get a job i could help out too and then he's all like "ah no its whatever" and then like he keeps complaining like okay wtv. and my moms like "im the only one who does shit around this house" LIKE YKW IF YOU TOLD ME THEN LIKE!!!! ID GET STUFF DONE TOO IF YOU JUST TOLD ME!!! my sister is just a bitch to me and then shes like "wait no i didnt mean it" after she tells me to kill myself and she makes fun of my mental stuff. and then i have my own issues, like i struggle to get out of bed and i struggle with hygiene stuff (mainly brushing my teeth because tbh i havent done that in like a few weeks but im okay about showering) and i just cant do anything for myself. i hate school but at the same time im literally nothing without it! i cant write for shit, like i try so hard to at least put 10 words down on a google doc and it doesnt make any sense and then i cry because i talk about so many different aus and stuff and i feel like im making empty promises and disappointing people because i said i was gonna write something but then i cant and i just freak out and i cant. im burnt out but what the hell do i know, im like 15 years old so im just a kid what the fuck do i know about being burnt out. i feel wrong for feeling this way. im a kid, i shouldn't have any problems but i do and i feel horrible about having so much mental baggage but i just cant do this anymore. i dont wanna live like this, i feel suffocated and trapped and i actually cannot live like this. but im gonna push through it anyway because ykw i am a literal child and ill get over it because thats how my family sees it so thats how im gonna see it.

anyway, i <3 wolverines

[teethands]

FF HEADCANON LIST

CRACKS KNUCKLES these are all imported from google docs bc thats where ive been keeping all my thoughts :] im not sure if theres any repeat HCs in here and im sorry if someones got to me before i have but these all came from my own brain !!! these are all very miscellaneous HCs but they generally revolve around vivosaurs and revival. some of them are rather macabre so a solid CW warning here for mentions of dinosaur body horror and death. ALSO SPOILERS FOR FOSSIL FIGHTERS 1 AND 2 BUT MOSTLY 2 LETS GO

modern boneysaurs/zombiesaurs

i think it is entirely possible to replicate a boney/zombiesaur outside of whatever sorcery zongazonga used to resurrect them in the first place. i think its relatively well known undead vivosaurs are a direct result of ZZ and his ancient tournament, and although zombiesaurs are usually claimed to be used in such tournaments most often, i think boneysaurs are just a variant of that but where less used due to weakness and general incompatibility. theyre all undead vivosaurs. thats it. on to the meat of this headcanon, boney/zombiesaur resurrection: i think zombiesaurs could be the result of attempting to revive a deceased vivosaur, while boneysaurs might be caused by man or machine malfunction while reviving a fossil. i think this might be an interchangeable effect: zombiesaurs might emerge from resurrections, and boneysaurs might emerge from revivals, although altogether i think this entire phenomenon is extremely rare. fossil revival goes entirely against the laws of nature and thus, nature must step in at some points to attempt to stop the process, although common fossil park high-tech machinery probably stops most instances like this from happening. boneysaurs emerging from failed revivals are almost always the cause of very poor cleaning, (maybe attempting to revive a heavily damaged, failed fossil head?) or outdated/unkempt fossil revival machinery. boney/zombiesaurs were so common in ZZ’s time because of such poor methods of revival. at some point during a “doomed” fossil revival, the skin and flesh of the vivosaur its supposed to resemble never quite “renders” in. the skin is registered and stitched together, but only holds the bones in place with an unknown black substance, leaving it void black in the same way a texture in a video game may just fail to load. presumably boneysaurs are almost always immediately dead in the revival chamber after the process is over due to lack of functioning organs, skin, etc, without some kind of support or magic. or maybe they are magic- every bad unnatural part of a revival machine fused into one being, and thats what allows them to live on. on the other hand, this could mean any type of boneysaur could emerge from any dinosaur- pterosaurs, therizinosaurs, raptors, maybe- maybe- just a thought, maybe even super revival vivosaurs could have this effect happen too. so, so rarely though. so rarely, its probably never even happened before in recorded vivosaur revival history. 

as for zombiesaurs- this phenomenon could happen when a recently deceased vivosaur is attempted revival. recently deceased, as in, undecayed flesh-still-in-tact. i imagine this happens much more often than boneysaurs- although, i dont think many people are trying to revive dead vivosaurs.

zombiesaurs, fresh from the revival chamber, are almost always damned and in pain, and serve as a reminder to fighters that the laws of nature can only be twisted so far, and they are best be put down. presumably no fossil cleaning facilities will allow a fighter to attempt to revive a dead vivosaur due to the danger and the frightening, disturbing nature of zombiesaurs. fossil damage + neon goo every fighter has encountered the bright purple (green in the OG FF) substance that appears during cleaning when a fossil is too damaged in one area. this material wouldnt be produced from the fossil itself, but rather generated by the fossil cleaning machinery when it detects damage within the bone, kinda like a 3D printer. this is why fossil cleaning is so meticulous, and why it has to be done in such specific conditions with heavy surveillance and a tight time limit. this prevents the vivosaur from having broken bones when it is revived- it is a bright, obvious substance, and it feels much like a warm, firm jelly with a hard, synthetic core that sews bones together. maybe its different in other regions, explaining the color difference amongst games. it is almost completely unnoticeable when the vivosaur is revived, nearly perfectly mimicking bone and flesh to prevent issues later on in the vivosaurs life. as good of a bone mimic as it might be, i think a very heavily damaged bone would still be a weak point during battle or an area of pain or irritation for the vivosaur. that is why it is best to clean your fossils as well as you can. maybe this goo is designed to be replaced with real bone by the vivosaurs body later in life, but i have yet to think about that too much. perhaps its soft enough to be destroyed and replaced by the body’s natural healing functions, but hard enough to act as bone? And perhaps thats why its best to let your vivosaur rank up (rest+heal) before taking them to battle. UNRELATED HEADCANON- GUHNASH COULD HAVE HAD A COOLER DESIGN. I DONT LIKE HIM HE LOOKS LIKE A TADPOLE. i have a vision in mind for a cooler guhnash redesign- i like the snake-ish look, but maybe he could be like. an infinitely long being. nobody knows where he starts or ends. a head at the front of an infinitely massive body that consumes everything, and nobody knows where the eaten planets goes. kinda like a jörmungandr-like being. idk i just think a “planet eater” with living brains should be more eldritch and god-like and mysterious. ANYWAYS vivosaur ecosystems? there is literally no way a vivo ecosystem wouldnt form. NO WAY. so many dinosaurs and seeing how OFTEN they are abandoned- refer to the opening scene of fossil fighters champions- it would not be any surprise feral vivosaurs wouldnt breed and form small ecosystems among themselves and around fossil parks. its not an uncommon sight to see pterosaurs flying overhead or sauropods munching on trees, although id bet theropods and more dangerous vivosaurs would have teams of park rangers to keep them under control. refer once again to FFC opening scene. this would explain the seemingly infinite amount of fossils in the dig sites, how you can find vivosaurs in only specific areas- although thats leading into a rather dark topic and i would rather not talk about it right now LOL i will leave that open to interpretation. jurassic park knock off SOME OTHER LITTLE MISC HCS TOO SHORT TO WRITE ENTIRE TOPICS ABOUT: because ZZ is a mix of boneysaur and zombiesaur and hes also an ancient sorcerer he smells fucking rank. so fucking bad. hes got maggots and shit hes only held together by magic but somehow he kicks ass. but hes fucking stinky so at what cost boneysaurs have no concept of feelings and arent really desirable as vivos and zombiesaurs only know rage and pain, also making them undesirable, for very very good reasons. they are taboo to talk about among fighters but most of the time they are only myths because of how rare they are feral vivosaurs dont have medals, only revived vivos do. that means they are standalone animals and they are also generally undesirable for fighters but they can still be tamed, if one wishes. theres way, WAY more fossil parks and dig sites than shown in the games. fossil battling is as well known and used as much as people love music and video games in the fossil fighters universe. vivosaurs are an essential part of society, although there is often controversy on the ethics of fossil battles and revival. pokemon knock off alright thats all i feel like typing for now thanks for reading this far lads. i love dinossuars. i wanna write some things on dinaurians but maybe later after ive introduced saar here :)

[voidselfshipp]

Lucky To Have Eachother

Cw: swearing, food, ask to tag

Ok to rb

Taglist: @girlboss-mrsschnee @lilacslovers @imaginesforallkindoflove

Jerico got into wrenchs garage, as soon as she stepped in she knew it was going to be an emotional day.

After ray Turned his beloved Junior into an EMP bomb the hacker has been trying to rebuild Him.

But with the circuits fried and the data database wiped clean he had to work from scratch.

Jer kneeled besides him, the garage Doors close.

-- fuck fuck fuck!-- wrench throws the screwdriver into the floor.

He sits down turning to his girlfriend-- oh..hey babe.. sorry you had to see that...

She shakes her head and sits with him, putting a hand on his thigh, jerico Gently presses her head against his chest.

--Its not working?

He shakes his head pulling her closer,the mask showing two dashboards in its screen-- Ive been trying to bring Junior back for a month, that EMP bomb was very strong...or I just cant Fix this

Jerico lifts his face up by the chin--hey hey...dont say that-- her accent makes herself present, he loved it so much-- theres nothing my wrench cant do, youre a genius, but maybe you should take a break, Junior wouldnt want to see you stressed

He sighs hugging her just a bit more tightly-- ill Grab my laptop and go to the hackers space, M should be there with the food already, and I told the rest that Id be there anyway

--i like that plan-- he helps her stand up.

Jerico and wrench get into the car as soon as he grabs his laptop.

The drive is silent, the hacker had a hand on his girlfriends thigh all the ride there, in silence with longing stares, giggles and soft music.

The hot summer was the perfect time to turn on the cars AC, wich made wrench eventually hand over his vest to jerico.

Not that he complained of course, it looked good on her.

When they arrived sitara hugged jer tightly-- the two lovebirds arrived, too busy kissing instead of working?-- marcus asked handing them both some pizza.

Wrench just nodds his head and goes to sit on the sofas right Next to the lockers.

--And whats up with wrench?

Jer sighed eating from her food-- its junior, he hasnt been able to bring him back

Sitara and marcus let out a "oh".

--well,if theres someone that can bring our wrench back is you!-- sitara said.

Jerico giggled and goes to sit with her boyfriend.

After eating, they both cuddle there, jer traces invisible patterns on wrenchs clothes as he has one hand behind his head and the other around his girlfriends waist.

They dont say anything, the lights dim, granting some coziness to the place

Jer tugs a nearby blanket and drapes it over them both.

--whats the matter?-- jerico asked.

He shakes his head-- not now babe

Nodding she speaks up-- I understand, can I do anything to make you feel better?

--i dont know...

Jer nodds and puts her hands on his mask-- can I?

He nodds-- y you do know you dont have to ask that after five years togheter right?

-- I know, but I just want you to be comfortable-- jerico lifts his mask up , kissing wrench softly.

He kisses back pulling her closer, a hand on the shaved back of her neck.

He yawns-- I think you should get some sleep-- she says

-- im....fine...no need to--his voice becomes increasily lower--...rest

With that he falls asleep, snoring softly.

Some hours later, jerico is asleep, wrench kneeled besides her covering her up and lifting his mask to kiss her cheek-- sleep tight sweetheart

He stands up deciding to go back to the garage and work on Junior.

When she wakes up, jer helps sitara with some Art for dedsec-- yknow marcus went to pick wrench up, they should be here at any moment

Jerico is about to say someone when wrench bursts in grabbing jer by the waist and lifting her up-- babe babe babe!!!-- he sounded like an excited puppy-- Junior is working again! Hes back! -- he hugs her tightly-- I couldnt have done it without your support babe!

Jer kisses his mask-- thats wonderfull amor!,im proud of you

He lets out a soft laugh and hugs her tightly.

The dedsec members all smile at the scene,but of course work called.

When the day was over wrench and jerico crash at their appartment.

Laying in bed,with Junior recharging in the opposite side of the room with the closet and the TV wrench pulls jerico closer.

-- im honestly so lucky to have you-- he says.

-- no wrench im the lucky one

The Man shakes his head, his blonde short locks draping over his face, he brushes them back, his mask on the nightstand.

--Lets just agree that we are lucky to have eachother yeah?

Jer nodds-- yeah lets do that

They stay in silence for a bit, wrench looks away-- can I ask you something?

--Sure,what is it?

--Why do you hide your accent? You barely speak spanish around us, even thought we all learnt it just because of you

Jer looks away too-- I dont wanna bother

--oh babe, you dont bother,I Love it when you speak in spanish, d d'you mind speaking some for me now?

Jerico shakes her head-- no, para nada (no, not at all)

Wrench falls asleep with her speaking spanish, the calming voice and her accent were music to his ears

Jer followed suit, tired too from todays work.

They were both lucky indeed.

[frosnpls]

cw vent,, doin bad tonite lads

idk if i have PMDD or if it's the SAD or if it's the work stress or if it's the state of this country and the fact that I'm slowly losing hope of both living independently/being able to afford such as well as ever being able to ever begin to transition properly or just whatever the fuck but man im not having a good time

i keep thinking lately about how ive never been able to catch a break and like sometimes i feel like im blowing it out of proportion and that its not fair because i do actually lead a fairly privileged life but also like. i was literally bullied at the age of THREE by my nursery teacher because she mistook the clear signs of my neurodivergence as misbehaviour. i struggled through school because nobody noticed i was neurodivergent and the people who did didnt want to admit it. i developed body dysmorphia by the age of like 8 iirc. i was bullied throughout all of my childhood and struggled so badly because i didnt have any support in place because somehow nobody noticed the very clear signs of adhd and autism. i lost my teenage years to severe bullying which caused permanent trauma and then lost the four years of my life after finishing school to essentially becoming a carer for an abusive suicidal boyfriend and then spent months after his death blaming myself for "not doing enough" when i had literally become a recluse because i was afraid that if i went out he might need me and i wouldnt be available. this year was the first year i think ive ever actually felt Right because i felt like i had myself figured out and i was doing what i wanted and i felt free and i just. i think theres an element of grieving for probably like a good sixteen or so years of my life where i was consistently traumatised by something and had no chance to find myself as a person

i feel consistently selfish for it but i just want someone to see how much im struggling and acknowledge it yknow like. offer some help or take care of me for a bit. i dont understand why but im in this role of a protector and caretaker for others and whilst i want to look after people and i care so so deeply about the people i do look after id also like to be looked after occasionally, you know? like. the day my cat died my partner was there and i got out of bed and my mum gave me the news and i went downstairs and i held her and i went back to my room and got in bed and started crying and. my partner put their arm around me and said he was sorry and i just curled up into them and cried and i genuinely think its the most ive ever felt cared for in at least my working memory

when i was younger sometimes my dad would try to comfort me when i cried and when i tried to explain why i was crying he would say "oh, [deadname]" in this really sympathetic tone and i remember always hoping he would do it when i cried because it made me feel like someone was actually acknowledging how much i was hurting and there came a point where he stopped saying it and idr if it was just because i was getting older and it sounded condescending or if it was at the point where i started hiding from my parents when i was upset because i didnt want them to worry but there was a period of time where i would actually miss that exclamation every time i cried even though i wasnt coming to my dad for comfort

i want to ask for help and seek help and comfort and be vulnerable enough to let people know i need it but also theres people who rely on me and i worry that if i dont seem positive or up to it they might think they cant come to me and i want them to be able to come to me i really do. then also i feel like if i bring my hurt to others all im going to do is upset or inconvenience them and i dont want to do that

im just trapped because i dont want anyone to worry about me but also i kind of do and it makes me feel so selfish like why would anyone ever want people to worry about them but its just in that way that like. iwould maybe just like to be asked if im alright before ive expressed that im not. i would like someone to notice that im quieter than usual or that i dont seem as enthusiastic or upbeat as i do most of the time and ask how im feeling. even that makes me feel selfish though and i hate it because i know realistically that isnt selfish but equally any normal person would just seek out the comfort they need right?? but i cant because if i initiate it then it means im annoying someone or upsetting someone or taking up someone's valuable time

i dont understand how i can be both looking after others, taking time to check on them and make sure theyre alright, give advice and welcome people in if they need me, and then also at the same time feel like the world biggest dickhead if i even dare to think about asking for the same from someone. or refusing to take my own advice. i need a mental health break from work desperately and my partner keeps telling me this as well but i keep refusing because we had 4 staff members off sick this week and if i went off as well it would make things hard for them. i just cant,, prioritise myself

im tired of england and im tired of the world and im tired of having to figure out how im going to manage to exist in the way i want to one day and im tired of feeling selfish for desiring human contact and im tired of waking up before the sun's up and im tired of feeling sad and not understanding why and im just. im just tired