#whether they do or don't doesn't change the definition and it doesn't mean everyone has to agree | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evangelical04 · 6 months

Text

A Single Daffodil || 2

Summary: Getting arranged to be married to your long-time crush wasn't exactly the fairy tale romance you were hoping for. Nor is the dynamic of the marriage, with your husband treating you like you don't exist. But you're going to make this work, whether he cares about you or not. And he definitely doesn't...right?

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Rating: 18+ minors DNI

Word Count: 9.1K

Genre: angst, romance, unrequited love, smut, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage au, businessman yoongi

Warnings: parental trauma, sibling trauma, toxic parents, unrequited love, explicit language, alcohol usage, yoongi's kind of mean, future smut

Author's Note: hi everyone! it's currently exactly 2am for me lol but I wanted to get this chapter out today! i was hoping to having the wedding happen but I like it more for the next chapter. all the support has been so overwhelming and amazing, thank you guys so much for all the love!! i appreciate it so much and I'm grateful that you all are so supportive, especially for my first ever fic. i really hope you guys enjoy this chapter! also, just let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!

Taglist:

@yoongisducky @kam9404 @sumzysworld @tarahardcore @viankiss @babystarcandylovejk @ktownshizzle @futuristicenemychaos @igot7fairlyoddparents @baechugff @pb89nv @peachytokki @ratherbfangirling

previous / masterlist / next

You could feel your eyes glazing over with the amount of time you’d spent staring at your computer screen. A quick glance at the clock showed that only a couple hours had passed since you’d arrived at work, and a devastating thirty minutes remained until your lunch break. Rubbing at your tired eyes, you tried to find the energy to resume reviewing the materials your team had sent you, but you came up short.

The wedding planning had been taking a lot out of you the past couple of months, even though your mother wasn’t letting you decide anything for it anyway. She had been quite clear that all you had to do was show up and that your input wouldn’t be needed. You couldn’t honestly say you had an issue with that, this didn’t feel like your wedding anyway. If it were yours, you would’ve been getting married to someone you love, and crucially, someone who loves you in return.

But that wasn’t in the cards for you and you knew that well, so you went along with your mother’s planning placidly, agreeing to almost everything she mentioned and getting ignored on things you didn’t. It left you exhausted, both physically and emotionally. It felt like an out-of-body experience every time your mother pulled you into another appointment for your dress fittings or makeup and hair test runs. You could feel yourself simply going through the motions and just waiting until the appointment was done so you could return to your mundane life.

Not much else had changed, honestly. You were still working, hanging out with your friends on occasion, reading in bed, and watching television in the evenings. The only thing looming over you was the date of the wedding, now only six months away. It felt like an omen, always hovering near you, spiking your heart rate, and making you sweat.

Even your team had noticed your heightened anxiety and expressed their worries to you, especially the youngest, Choi Song Ha. She was a cute, young thing, a fresh face in the industry that you had quickly taken under your wing once you had set eyes on her in the new recruit orientation you visited just over a year ago now. You knew just how quickly the gaming industry ate up and spat out women like clockwork and you didn’t want the same fate for her, so you’d snatched her up into your team. She truly felt like the little sister you’d never had and your bond quickly grew over the months since you’d met. She had picked up on your dampened mood and resolved to leave you small treats of a chip bag or chocolates on your desk every other day or so as a means to cheer you up. She knew you well enough to know you wouldn’t appreciate outright signs of concern or making a scene at work, and you loved her for it.

She had left you a small red ginseng jelly this morning with a doodle of a grumpy cat stuck to it on a post-it note. It made you smile every time you glanced at it.

It kind of reminded you of Yoongi. The two of you hadn’t talked since that night in the restaurant, and you weren’t sure if you even wanted to talk to him. Your mother had given you his number and you’d saved it, but you hadn’t made any move to message him.

“Team leader?”

You turned, snapping out of your daze to face another one of your team members, Yeonsik.

“Yes, Yeonsik,” you responded, trying to appear calm and collected, and not like you were just thinking about your soon-to-be husband who hates you.

“We have the materials from the character graphics department for Plan C ready, it’s in your inbox now. They said that they’re ready to make any changes you want, but they’re worried about the deadline for the second draft,” Yeonsik rambled. He was a nice man, only a few years younger than you, and quite passionate about his job since joining your team two years back, just after you’d become the team lead of Planning Group 1. He had a handsome face with longer, dark hair and bright eyes that were eager to please.

“Okay, thanks for letting me know. Also, good job on keeping Graphics 2 on track, I know they’ve been giving us a hard time with getting the updated designs over. Thanks again,” you said politely, sending him a small smile. Yeonsik beamed in response and returned to his seat happily. You chuckled fondly at his antics before opening the file he’d sent. You loved your team members and you held a high respect for them. You knew you led them well and that they respected you in return. It was a small team, consisting of only five people, including you, but you were content with the group and the dynamic. You often went out for drinks together after work, usually followed by karaoke and at least one member passing out, most often Yeonsik, who would then be picked up by his boyfriend. You were a close-knit group and you couldn’t imagine a better job.

Slowly, Mrs. Min’s words crept back into your mind at the thought of how much you loved your position. Surely, Yoongi wouldn’t expect you to quit your job? You wouldn’t be able to bear it.

No, he said that he would do his thing and you would do yours, you reminded yourself. That’s right, you’d agreed that you wouldn’t interfere in each other’s lives. Except, you hadn’t really agreed, had you? You’d just acquiesced because he’d been in the motion of leaving anyway. You weren’t really sure if that’s what you’d wanted, living separate lives and being married only on paper.

Yoongi’s words rang clear in your head as you gnawed on your lower lip, was this really how this marriage was going to be? The two of you not even acknowledging each other except at galas and parties where you had to appear married? You didn’t want that.

But…if Yoongi did, how much say did you really have? As much as you wanted to make this work, it had to be a two-way street. If Yoongi didn’t want anything to do with you, you would have to accept that and just try to get through this the best you could. You had said to Joohee that day you’d found out, that there’s nothing you can do to stop him.

It felt painful to come to terms with, especially in the environment of your office where you still had to appear professional. Thankfully, you breathed, none of your team members had noticed your mini-mental breakdown.

Your phone buzzed with a new message from Yujin, your mother’s assistant.

From Yang Yujin

Hello Miss Y/N,

Your mother has asked me to confirm your three attendees for your wedding invitations. The invitations will be sent out on Friday night, so please send your three names with their contact information and address to me by then. If possible, please send it at least one day beforehand as Mrs. Seo would like to review them before I send the invitations out.

Additionally, she has set up another meeting for you with Mr. Min Yoongi on Friday, at 6 pm. Please find the location details below.

Please let me know if you need any other information,

Yang Yujin

You sighed, reading over the email again. For one, you honestly didn’t even know who you’d want to invite. You didn’t really have that many friends outside of Joohee, your colleagues, and Jung Hoseok, your friend from college. You knew that Joohee would already be invited, but you weren’t sure about Hoseok. He wasn’t a part of the same social circle as you and Joohee, especially since he didn’t come from a richer family, but you’d met him in college and introduced him to Joohee soon after. The three of you had been practically inseparable during your undergrad but after graduation, the three of you hadn’t met up in person in a while, with Hoseok in Busan for work. You tapped your chin thoughtfully with the eraser end of a pencil, maybe you should send an invite to Hoseok. Suddenly, another thought occurred to you, making the pencil drop from your fingers and onto your lap.

You hadn’t even told Hoseok about Yoongi!

“Damn,” you muttered, making a mental note to call him later today. You’d figure out the other invites later. Your eyes drifted to the second part of the email.

Another meeting, huh? It sounds like it’ll be just the two of us this time. I wonder if he’ll be any different.

A rap of knuckles against your desk brought your attention back in front of you. Song Ha stood beside your chair, looking at you curiously, “It’s lunch, Team Leader. Want to grab something with the team downstairs?”

Shit, you had agreed to grab lunch with Joohee today.

“No, Miss Choi, I’ll be meeting a friend of mine. But you all enjoy your lunch!”

“Alright, have fun!”

The team slowly filed out, discussing amongst themselves what they’d get from the cafeteria today. You almost longed to go with them, but you knew you had to tell Joohee about the email you got.

You could feel a headache coming on.

Sighing, you stood and gathered your things into your tote bag, never having liked purses, and started the walk towards the elevators to reach the quaint cafe across the street you and Joohee liked to frequent.

You had arrived before Joohee, which was to be expected with your office right across and decided to grab a table for both of you. Setting your tote bag in the seat beside you, you read the email once more on your phone. It dragged another sigh out of you before you almost jumped into the air at the sound of Joohee’s voice.

“What’s got you so melancholy?’

You breathed out to calm your heart rate from the mini jumpscare and looked up at her. She was dressed a bit more formal than you in a light blue blouse and dark navy dress pants that fell gracefully in silk around her long legs with a maroon purse hanging from her shoulder. Her office was much more formal than yours, working under her father. Your own office often had team leaders and higher-ups in jeans, the nature of your work making it more casual, so you contrasted her in a simple black sweatshirt and blue jeans.

“I have to meet Yoongi again on Friday.”

“God damn.”

You nodded somberly as she took her seat across from you, “You remember what happened last time? Why does it feel like he’s gonna eat me alive this time?”

Joohee looked at you suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.

You recoiled, shooting her a glare, “Good God, woman, not like that.”

Joohee relented, waving her hands in surrender, “Okay, well, assume he’ll be the same. Then you won’t be caught off guard. But I think you should still try to get through to him. Maybe, at the very least, you guys can become friends.”

You hummed in agreement, what she was saying made sense. You weren’t exactly hoping for a rom-com drama-like romantic relationship, but being friends wouldn’t be so bad.

A waiter arrived, taking your drink and food orders, and you and Joohee fell back into easy conversation about your jobs and other small gossip. As much as you were trying to pay attention to what Joohee was saying, you couldn’t help your mind returning to Yoongi and his dark eyes scrutinizing you and his cold, biting voice.

“Y/N?”

You focused back into Joohee and her concerned stare dug into you, “What?”

“Are you still thinking about Yoongi?”

You nodded, looking away. You felt bad for not listening to her especially when she had basically given you a solution to your anxiety regarding Friday. You heard her sigh before speaking.

“Listen, Y/N, you can’t stop how he’s going to behave towards you. You can only control how you respond. I think your best bet is to try to tell him you’re not expecting him to treat you like a wife, but you want him to treat you like a friend. Unless that isn’t what you want.”

“No, it is,” you said, keeping yourself from burying your head in your hands, “And you’re right, that’s all I can do. Why didn’t you become a therapist, again?”

Joohee only grinned in response, “I’m too pretty.”

Joohee’s words from earlier echoed in your head for the rest of the workday. Did you really want him to treat you like a friend? Or something more?

You weren’t sure. Of course, you had this half-crush, half-infatuation with the man since you’d met him when you were younger, but marriage was a totally different game. Were you really ready to spend the rest of your life with a man you were attracted to but he couldn’t feel the same?

Maybe he could.

You knocked that thought away as soon as it entered your mind, you shouldn’t be getting your hopes up. You knew that Yoongi was less than happy about the situation and the unfavorable circumstances would only serve to further distance him from you. You would have to be okay with just being friends if that.

As you paced around your apartment later that night, you stopped in front of your dresser in your bedroom. In the third drawer from the top was the handkerchief that Yoongi had given you when you were younger. You had kept it meaning to give it back to him, but you had barely seen him since then, let alone had a moment in private to give it to him.

Most of your interactions had been minimal conversations at parties and galas, often accompanied by Joohee and Seokjin. You couldn’t recall a time when Yoongi had actually talked to you directly in any of those scenarios. So why did your crush persist?

Maybe it was the innocence of your first meeting, the cliche of it all. You, small, sad, and alone, and Yoongi, showing up like your knight in shining armor. You had had a fascination with him since then, always trying to seek out his silhouette or pitch-black hair at gatherings afterward. Yet, he never approached you alone, nor did you make an attempt to do so yourself. You had called it an infatuation with Joohee because it really was, you didn’t really know anything about him, much less had a full conversation with him. Even when you were in a group with him, Seokjin, and Joohee, he would barely acknowledge you.

Not that he was obligated to.

You fell back onto your bed and stared up at the ceiling, letting out a soft grunt when you hit the mattress. Would you be able to survive actually getting to know Yoongi? Your greatest fear was that you would fall in love with him, you were basically already primed for it. And that would not work out, you knew that, and you refused to consider any other outcome.

You couldn’t afford to get your hopes up.

Turning on your side, you could feel your thoughts drift to your few interactions with him growing up. He had always been polite, but cold. The most he’d said to you was a curt greeting and the barest of small talk. The only other interactions you’d really had were your first meeting and hearing about his escapades through the grapevine, mainly Joohee. Nonetheless, you found yourself infatuated, your eyes finding his slightly round cheeks and pouty lips inevitably. What would life be like once you got married?

You tried to imagine yourself in a domestic setting with Yoongi but quickly shut that down, that would only bring up unwanted feelings. You considered whether or not he would continue seeing other people after you were married. Joohee had said it was very possible. Would you be able to handle it? Joohee had suggested that you fool around a bit yourself but you had quickly dismissed that. Cheating was something you would never tolerate in a relationship, from the other person or from yourself. You knew that the reality would be different in your situation, but you still refused to let yourself stray from Yoongi.

Not that you hadn’t tried in the past. You had been in only two relationships leading up to now, one in college and another as a short burst after graduation. It all felt pointless when you knew you wouldn’t get to choose who you spent the rest of your life with. It was an agony that, along with other factors, ended both of your relationships. Mina had been a bright spot in your life, but she couldn’t deal with the fact that you were not only not out to your parents, but that you would likely not be able to be with her long term anyway. There had been other signs that the relationship wouldn’t work out, and you had tried to remain friends but it didn’t pan out past college.

The relationship after college that had only lasted a few months was with Jaehyun, a sweet man who had been your coworker at your first job out of college. He was very kind to you and you felt comfortable in his presence, but you couldn’t handle the guilt of going out with him while knowing he wouldn’t be the one you marry. To his credit, he had been very understanding when you’d broken down in front of him in a guilt-fueled spiral. He’d held you until you calmed down, wiped your tears, and squeezed you tight before leaving, stating that you could always call him if you needed anything. You still messaged him sometimes, and you remained firm that if you did get to choose who to marry, he would be your first choice.

The arranged marriage had been looming over your life since you were old enough to understand the importance of status to your family. You were sure Yoongi’s family was the same. You were both expected to keep your duty to your family, a repayment for the comfortable life you both had lived. Once or twice you had considered telling your parents you wouldn’t go through with it when the time came, but you knew that it would only result in you having to pay them back for everything they had ever given money towards for you. Even though you’d gotten multiple scholarships for college, your parents insisted you go to a prestigious university that rarely gave any money to their students because they knew their parents would have wide-open wallets. There was no way you’d ever be able to pay that back in your lifetime, especially with your current job.

So you were stuck. But you knew you weren’t really all that unhappy. While the circumstances weren’t what you preferred, you couldn’t deny the small excitement that you felt at the prospect of being able to have a relationship with Yoongi. The caveat to that was also knowing that he was an entirely unwilling participant in this situation, which wasn’t really going to work to your advantage. You were set on remaining a realist, refusing to consider the idea that Yoongi might come to love you. It felt like you didn’t have much of any other choice. Everything about this entire situation made you feel like a passive observer, someone with no impact or voice, which wasn’t far from the truth. You imagined Yoongi was much the same.

Distantly, you wondered how many people Yoongi was allowed to invite to the wedding.

Speaking of! You had almost forgotten to call Hoseok, and it was getting late. You scrambled to reach for your phone, stretching your arm out to the nightstand where your phone sat, and grasping it. Dialing his number, you registered how low his contact was on your recent calls. You really needed to call him more often. Hitting his contact, you waited for the ringing to start. He answered rather quickly, which surprised you, as he was usually an early sleeper.

“Hey, Y/N! It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has. I missed you. Hobi,” you said, not realizing how much you meant it until the words left your mouth. It really had been too long since you’d called.

“What’s up? You don’t sound too happy. Is everything okay,” he questioned, and your heart warmed at his concerned nature. He was always able to read you well, better than Joohee sometimes.

“Yeah, everything’s fine I guess. I’m getting married, actually.”

The other end of the line was silent for a bit before you heard Hoseok let out a breath and speak, “Oh, wow. Okay. How are you feeling?”

You choked out a laugh, “You’re not even asking who I’m marrying?”

“Well, I know that it’s not someone you chose. So I want to know how you’re doing. When did you find out?”

Your laughter died at his serious nature, your attempt at lightening the mood unsuccessful, “About two months ago. The wedding’s in around six. Want an invite? I get a whole three guests of my own choosing.”

He chuckled softly at that, “Of course I do, you know I’ll be there. But seriously, how are you feeling about this?”

You almost sighed at his unwillingness to let you escape his question, “I don’t know, honestly. I really don’t. I think I’m weirdly at peace with it? I’ve been expecting it for so long and now it’s finally happening. Plus, it being Min Yoongi isn’t exactly the worst thing ever.”

You could hear his surprise over the phone, “Min Yoongi? Like your crush of almost two decades, Min Yoongi?”

You groaned, responding, “Jeez, way to remind me how old I am. Yes, that Min Yoongi. He’s definitely not as okay with it as I am though.”

“What do you mean?”

You recounted the past meeting with his family to Hoseok while he patiently listened and interrupted occasionally to provide his own thoughts. When you finished, you could practically see him falling back against his desk chair, exhaling a burst of air.

“Well, that’s a lot.”

You let out a short laugh, “Yeah, that’s been my life for the past couple of months.”

“I think Joohee gave you some good advice. I’d probably say something similar to you. Try to make the most of the situation but don’t expect a lot from him. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you, “Yeah, you’re probably right. But, enough about me, how are you doing? How’s work?”

Hosek launched into recapping how busy the dance school he taught at had been lately and the gossip surrounding his coworkers. You felt yourself relax more into the conversation and slowly forget your troubling feelings surrounding Yoongi.

You would deal with those come Friday.

It was Friday. You made sure to leave work a bit early, giving you enough time to run back to your apartment to change and look presentable. You had chosen your outfit with Joohee’s help the night prior. You were meeting at a relatively fancy restaurant but it was more of a bar, so you didn’t want to be too formal. You had opted for a green dress with a small flower print since you were coming off the winter months into spring. Your dress was an A-line cocktail dress with a square neckline and puffed sleeves that cinched at your wrist. You’d had it for a while and knew how it looked on you, and you knew you would feel comfortable in it tonight. The last thing you needed weighing on your mind was getting in your head about how you looked, which you usually felt nauseous from.

With it approaching six, you quickly finished up some minimal makeup, topped it off with a lip tint, and tried your best to make your hair look presentable after what was a long day of work. A glance at your watch told you that you didn’t have much time left, so you rushed to your car, almost forgetting your small purse, and started your drive over to the restaurant. You didn’t want to be late and make a bad impression on Yoongi, although you didn’t know if his impression of you could get any worse.

After you arrived and were sat at your table, you checked your phone to see the time and were relieved to note that you were a couple of minutes early. You felt yourself relax into the booth and started taking slow, calming breaths to slow down your racing heartbeat. The adrenaline of trying to get to the restaurant on time was starting to fade and you took another glance at your watch.

6:06

Well, that’s fine. He’s probably just a little late, you tried to reassure yourself, but you had a sinking feeling. As the minutes marched on, the sinking feeling grew deeper, and you could feel yourself growing slightly annoyed.

6:29

Well, whatever.

You took out your phone from your purse and decided to message him. It should be reasonable, right? You had scheduled this beforehand, after all. Well, not you, your mother, but still, the principle held.

You:

Hi Yoongi-ssi, this is Seo Y/N. I’m waiting at the restaurant at the moment

and I was wondering if you were alright, since you weren’t here yet? Please let me know if you’d like to reschedule instead.

You winced at how the text message sounded more like an email between colleagues, but you weren’t sure how casual you were supposed to be with him. Before you could mull over the tone of your message more, you hit the send button and bit your lip as you waited for a response. Your fingers began to pick at your dress in a nervous habit and you kept your eyes trained on the restaurant entrance in case you spotted him.

Finally, at 6:42, you saw the head of black hair that had haunted your dreams as of late. He walked in calmly, looking slightly disheveled, but his lax pace didn’t betray anything about his tardy entrance. He looked infuriatingly attractive in a well-fitted suit with the tie loosened and the top couple of buttons undone. His eyes met yours as the hostess led him to your table and you smiled politely at him, receiving only a cursory nod in return. The waitress quickly approached as he sat down across from you and took his drink order, two fingers of whisky, while you asked for more water. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to drink, more that you needed to keep your wits about you for this dinner and alcohol would only make you feel nauseous in your already anxious state.

With the waitress gone, he turned to you and you felt yourself flush automatically, something you internally cursed. You wished he didn’t have such an effect on you. He declined to say anything, so you took a moment to take in his appearance now that he was much closer to you.

You could see that his collar was more rumpled than you initially thought and his hair a bit more mussed. You saw a small mark just barely visible from beneath his white button-up, above his tie. Now that he was much closer, you could smell a faint scent of a sweet perfume that you knew wasn’t yours since you had only worn a very light citrus one.

Oh. He was with someone else. Why does that bother me so much?

Finally, he spoke, his deep voice lulling you out of your trance of staring at the mark on his chest, “Sorry I’m late. I saw your text, but I was driving. To be completely honest, I forgot about this.”

For a moment, his apology surprised you. For some reason, you hadn’t expected him to apologize. Maybe you’d built him up to be this cartoon villain in your head after your last interaction, but you’d forgotten that he was human just like you.

“That’s alright, it’s no problem,” you responded kindly, noting the way his eyebrow slightly furrowed at your response, “How was your day?”

He raised an eyebrow at you in a questioning manner, “Are you really going to do small talk with me?”

You let out an embarrassed laugh at your failure to engage him and tried for a new tactic instead, “Okay, what would you like to talk about then?”

“I want to set some ground rules.”

Your surprise must’ve shown on your face because you saw the way his expression almost changed to amusement. You quickly shook off the abruptness of the statement and nodded your head, “Okay, like what?”

“First, you’ll be moving into my apartment. I’m sure your mother already told you,” you nodded, “Do not enter my bedroom or office without knocking. I’ll extend the same courtesy to you. Second, we keep our lives separate. Unless we need to appear at an event together, we shouldn’t be mingling our private lives, including friends, work, things like that. Thirdly, this marriage is going to be on paper only. Don’t expect me to treat you like my girlfriend, or my wife, because we both know that’s not what this is.”

You felt your teeth take in your bottom lip as you considered his words, “Okay, that’s fine, I guess.” You couldn’t really stop him from wanting to do that, but it still hurt some. Any hopes you had of getting a normal romantic relationship after this were quickly dashed by his next rule.

“Lastly, I want this to be open. Our parents aren’t pressuring us for kids, so we can both find relief elsewhere. We both know this is only for increased stocks and influence in our respective companies. So, I do whatever I want and you do whatever you want in that regard, and we don’t interfere in each other’s love lives.”

You felt your face fall a bit, but you tried to control your expression. You had prepared for this, Joohee had prepared you for this. So why were you still so upset? He’s giving you the go-ahead to find whoever you want, so it’s not technically cheating. So why does it still feel so wrong?

“Okay,” you said uneasily, “That’s all okay.” It felt like you were saying it more for yourself than for him.

His eyebrow quirked once more. They were very expressive, you noticed.

“That’s it? You don’t have any rules of your own you want to add in?”

Your hands clenched onto the edge of the booth seat, needing something to ground you. Rules of your own? Your head was swimming with everything that had just happened, you could barely think of anything else, “No, none I want to add.”

Yoongi leaned back and clasped his hands, “Alright then. Shall we eat? My dad’s technically paying so eat all you want.”

You shakily took hold of the menu you’d already looked over a hundred times while waiting for him, not wanting to appear rude by being on your phone. You had already chosen what dish you wanted when Yujin had sent you the restaurant name, a habit of yours being to look up the menu beforehand to choose. The waitress approached and took your orders, taking the menu from your hands, leaving you with nothing to grasp your quivering fingers onto.

You looked over at Yoongi, seeing him on his phone, scrolling. You felt yourself blanch at the blatant disregard and couldn’t find it in yourself to try and start a conversation.

The minutes passed by slowly, and you were barely relieved when the food came, providing momentary respite by giving you something to do. You felt like you’d never been in a more awkward situation. The waitress quickly refilled both your drinks, and you noted that Yoongi had ordered water this time. It must be because he’s driving.

Soon, the both of you finished your food, in utter silence. The waitress, who was quite on top of her game, swiftly provided the bill and told you to take your time. You had a feeling she felt the awkward tension as much as you did.

Once the bill was paid, you and Yoongi walked out towards the parking lot where he started shifting to move in the direction of his car before you blurted out, “Wait!”

He turned, facing you with a bored expression, waiting for you to finish speaking.

“I do have a rule actually.”

Seeming slightly intrigued now, he gestured for you to continue.

“I want us to try and be friends. Please.”

He seemed slightly surprised, judging by the way his eyebrows lifted slightly and his mouth parted. Collecting himself, he looked directly into your eyes, his dark orbs boring into your own, “No. I want us to keep our lives completely separate. We’re not friends.”

With that, he turned around and walked to his car, not sparing you another glance.

“Wow, what an asshole.”

You hummed lazily in agreement, feeling your head lull. You were already a bottle deep in more cheap Moscato with Joohee, as well as a couple of shots of strawberry soju.

“I know right! I agreed to whatever he said, why couldn’t he agree with the one thing I asked for?”

Joohee winced and prepared herself for your buzzed anger that was sure to flare up at her next statement, “Well, he wasn’t exactly wrong. It did conflict with his other rule. Not that I think he’s justified either. There shouldn’t be a problem in being friends.”

Your head snapped towards her, seeing it as a defensive move for Yoongi in your half-drunken state, but before you could find the energy to get upset, you felt yourself melt further into the couch, “Yeah, you’re right, I guess. Whatever, I don’t need him. I’ll just fuck anyone who looks my way, instead.”

“No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t,” you cried, collapsing onto the pillow beside you, squeezing it tight, “Why am I so pathetic?”

“You’re not,” Joohee cooed, “You’re just in a shitty situation. So is he, but at least you’re not being a dick about it.”

You nodded glumly, still not feeling better about the situation. As you cradled the now-empty wine bottle to your chest, you remembered Hoseok.

“Oh yeah, I invited Hobi for the wedding. My coworker, Song Ha too. Can you believe I couldn’t think of a third person?”

Joohee laughed before throwing herself onto the couch with you, “Hey, you don’t need other friends, you have me. Besides, we’ll all be together again, then! It feels like forever since we’ve seen him.”

“Yeah, I told him and he said the same stuff as you. To try and make the best of it, or whatever,” you could feel yourself becoming less and less sober, “Can I crash here tonight?”

“Of course, do you want me to wash your dress for you?”

“No, I’ll just do it at my place. Thank God I have you.”

Joohee only laughed loudly in response, getting up to grab another bottle of soju from the fridge. The two of you lounged around before moving to watch TV in Joohee’s bed where she promptly fell asleep. Soothed by her snoring, you relaxed into her comfortable mattress and traced the light extrusions on her ceiling. Your thoughts soon drifted to Yoongi, as they seemed to do often these days.

Was he really fair in rejecting your friendship? Joohee had made a good point earlier in that it certainly conflicted with his rule of ignoring each other outside of obligated functions. But…you didn’t want that. So why did you agree? In the moment, it hadn’t really felt like you’d had another choice. You seemed to be feeling like that a lot lately.

Yoongi seemed serious about this marriage being for business only and you knew that you didn’t want that, but you couldn’t exactly tell him as such. You couldn’t be more sure that he would only be disgusted if he heard you say that and you didn’t think you’d be able to survive seeing that kind of emotion on his face when it’s directed towards you.

Not that you’d be able to survive this marriage either.

Your fingers toyed with the frayed hem of the sleep shorts you’d borrowed from Joohee, a frequent occurrence whenever you stayed over, and you saw her shift in her sleep. She really had been so supportive throughout this whole thing.

Maybe you should go to her brother for help? No, Yoongi would probably hate that.

You resisted the urge to kick your feet in frustration out of fear of waking up Joohee. This was so difficult, it was next to impossible to figure out what your next move should be.

You had a nagging feeling that your mother wouldn’t force you to meet up with Yoongi anymore before the wedding, but why did that not feel like a clear-cut win? Did you want to meet with Yoongi again?

Rubbing at your eyes frantically, you pushed aside the flurry of questions stirring inside you. You didn’t have time to deal with this. There was a large project at work that was in its final stages that you needed your full attention on and then the final beta tests before the official launch, just weeks before your wedding. You couldn’t afford to spend another moment thinking about Yoongi.

As you got more comfortable in Joohee’s bed, you turned your head to face the clock on her bedside table, reading 3:09 AM.

A sigh escaped your lips as you forced your eyes closed to try and get some rest.

You had an inkling that Yoongi would be occupying your thoughts whether you wanted it or not.

“We’ll be meeting for the rehearsal dinner in one week, Yujin will send you the information and instructions. Don’t be late.”

Your mother’s voice cut off after that, not bothering to say goodbye before ending the call. You could feel your headache coming back and you fumbled for your water bottle before getting up to grab a red ginseng packet from the breakroom. Things had been a lot lately.

The final preparations for the wedding were underway and your mother was leaving nothing to chance. Your dress had been fitted to perfection with your mother sending you a strict diet and workout plan to make sure you stayed the exact same size until the wedding. That email had been swiftly archived.

You weren’t even sure of who was in your bridal party other than Joohee being your maid of honor. Not that it mattered. This wedding wasn’t for you anyway.

As you slowly sucked out the paste from the ginseng packet, leaning against the break room counter, you wondered if Yoongi had had to go through similar procedures, though likely less extensive. You hadn’t heard from him since that dinner where he’d firmly placed a boundary between you, but he’d rarely left your mind since. You’d hoped that the reality check with Yoongi might help clear you of your feelings for him, but, instead, they only deepened your desire to get to know him better, to break past that boundary. But you knew that those ideas were merely fairy tales and this marriage was not going to be one by any means.

Distantly, you wondered how the ceremony would go. The two of you hadn’t prepared any vows, nor were you expected to. This wedding was not a show of love and everyone knew that. Your parents weren’t concerned with making it appear as though you and Yoongi were a loving couple, no, this wedding was more of an excuse to show off their wealth and influence. Your nuptials were merely a byproduct. Still, would you have to kiss Yoongi?

You quickly shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the mental image, feeling your cheeks flush hot. Yet, you couldn’t get it out of your head. You imagined his lips would be soft and gentle, that he would lead you through the kiss and deepen it for more. His hands would come to rest at your waist before encircling it, pulling you closer, flush, to his body.

No! You can’t imagine that, you’re not allowed!

Internally, you scoffed. What kind of girl wasn’t allowed to imagine kissing her fiance? You knew the truth, however, that it wasn’t your place to imagine yourself in that position. That was reserved for the person he loved, who was, decidedly, not you.

Tossing the packet, you made your way back to your way back to your desk. Settling into the pillowed surface of your chair, you browsed through your emails before noticing one from the marketing team.

From: [email protected]

RE: MIRA’S AWAKENING Influencer Advertising

Hello Team Leader Seo,

We have decided that we would like to reach out to online influencers and streamers to assist in promoting Project Mira’s Awakening. A list of possible candidates is attached, along with their profiles and viewer analytics. We would like your input on any public figures you believe may be good candidates for this endeavor. Please reach out if you and your team come up with any candidates that are not already included in the attached file.

Additionally, we would like to create merchandise to provide for these public figures and we need to confirm with you and Graphics Team 2 on graphics we can include on merchandise items. You will find a list of items we are looking to make, along with graphics suggestions, attached as well. Please coordinate with GT 2 to send over finalized ideas and start creating the images.

Thank you,

Team Leader Lim

You considered the contents, feeling the eraser of your pencil tap against your lip, who could you suggest? You had your favorite streamers, but none aligned that well with the nature of the game you were producing, which meant the viewer base wouldn’t have enough crossover with your target audience. Running through a list of the streamers you watched regularly in your head, you stopped at one in particular.

Goldenboy97.

Jeon Jeongguk was quite popular and played enough combat-based games to have sufficient audience crossover, while still being intriguing for the puzzle aspect of the game. Not that you were biased, but he was your favorite creator at the moment. You jotted down his handle and a note to ask the rest of your team about their thoughts.

Leaning back in your chair, you stared blankly at the screen as the emails continued flooding in. Slowly, but surely, your thoughts drifted back to the phone call with your mother. The wedding was next week, with the rehearsal dinner only being seven days away.

You felt a strange combination of dread and giddiness, a swirl of emotional turmoil you weren’t ready to unpack. Hoseok was coming back tonight and you were picking him up from the train station. You’d probably have time to process your emotions then. Hoseok was staying at your apartment in the guest bedroom for a couple of weeks so he could be there through the whole wedding process. He had also mentioned looking for an apartment to move into in Seoul, which made you excited. You really wanted to have the college dream team together again.

The thoughts of the actual wedding were stoking your nerves, you still hadn’t talked to Yoongi since the last time you’d met. You weren’t sure of the protocol or if you should try to talk to him beforehand, especially about the ceremony. Too cowardly to act on your anxiety, you shut off your opened messaging app on your phone. You weren’t keen on finding out how Yoongi would respond to an unprompted message.

The sound of your team packing up alerted you to the time, being slightly past five. You joined them in getting ready to leave before heading to the elevator. The rest of the group trekked slightly ahead while Song Ha walked slightly slower to stay back with you.

“So, the wedding is next week. Are you excited?”

You chuckled nervously, “Yeah, you could call it that.”

“Ah, are you nervous? Makes sense. Just think, though, soon, you’ll be married to the love of your life! How exciting!”

Your insides felt queasy. You hadn’t told Song Ha about the nature of your relationship with your betrothed because you weren’t exactly sure how to explain it to someone who wasn’t familiar, nor did you want to deal with the embarrassment, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Where are you going for your honeymoon?”

You bit your lip, “Nowhere, actually. We couldn’t get time off of work at the same time.” The honeymoon had long been decided as an unnecessary expense, and neither you nor Yoongi complained. Being stuck with him for weeks after the wedding in another country sounded like a nightmarish situation. You wouldn’t have minded a vacation though.

“Gosh, that sucks. Hopefully, you’ll be able to do something over the summer, maybe,” Song Ha pouted, swinging her work bag in line with her step. You smiled at her naivete.

“Yeah, hopefully.”

“Hobi!”

You ran towards the taller man, throwing your arms around his upper body, “I missed you! It feels so nice to have you back in Seoul.”

Feeling his chest rumble with a laugh, you squeezed him harder before releasing him.

“Feels good to be back too,” he responded, a bright, heart-shaped smile adorning his face, “Let me get my bags to your car.”

“Oh, right, let me help,” you nodded, reaching for the bigger suitcase to roll towards your car. Hoseok easily picked up the duffel bag lying at his feet and followed behind you. You had opted for driving to the station since his train had come too late for the buses to still be running, and you didn’t want to have to deal with paying for or lugging his baggage into a cab.

After loading the luggage into your trunk, you both settled into the front seats of your well-worn car. You heard Hoseok chuckle while clicking in his seatbelt, “This certainly feels different from the drunk bus and taxi rides back to the campus dorms. Even if it’s about the same level as luxury.”

You rolled your eyes, “Hey, my car is reliable. The previous owner only had it for a couple of years before selling it off and she’s been perfectly good since then. Though, my mom would probably agree with you on the luxury bit.”

“Yeah, well, who wants to listen to her opinion anyway. Before I forget, thanks again for letting me stay at your place while I’m here, I know it’ll probably be annoying with the wedding prep going on.”

“It’s no problem, seriously. Besides, a lot of my stuff’s been moved over to Yoongi’s for when I move after the wedding. I’m just keeping my apartment there in case I need it since I won’t be paying rent at Yoongi’s.” Keeping the lease on your apartment had been a conscious decision because you had figured you’d want a safe space away from the marriage drama and it wouldn’t be an extra hit to your income. What your mother and Yoongi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

“Has he really paid off his entire apartment? You’re marrying a proper chaebol,” Hoseok joked.

You laughed lightly, a tinge of awkwardness at the idea that you really were, and you had no idea how he’d act in his own house. Tapping your fingers along the steering wheel, you tried to subtly change the topic, “Well, speaking of apartments, do you know where you’re going to be looking?”

Hoseok launched into a detailed plan he had for looking at rental properties in Seoul for both his apartment and the studio he wanted to open. You excitedly listened along, thrilled that he was planning on settling near you, as you drove to your own apartment.

After you’d parked, Hoseok insisted on taking the large suitcase, claiming that only he was strong enough to lug it up the stairs. You only laughed a little bit at his sour expression when you showed him the perfectly working elevator.

Punching in the code to your apartment, you swung open the door, making sure not to step food inside. A loud pop rang out and confetti sprayed out from the doorway.

“Surprise!”

Hoseok stumbled back, clutching at his chest and mouth agape at Joohee’s excited smile from inside the apartment, “Shit, Joohee, you scared me!”

You laughed loudly before grabbing his suitcase and rolling it inside, setting the duffel bag on top. Joohee began cleaning up the mess of confetti, Hoseok started to unpack what he’d need for the night, and you began unboxing the pizza that had arrived while Joohee was setting up.

As the three of you settled into your living room, Hoseok already teasing Joohee, you felt like a void in your heart had been filled. The last few months had been so stressful and it hadn’t felt like you’d gotten a break emotionally in so long. The sounds of your friends chattering and laughing made you feel at ease. So, naturally, Hoseok had to ruin that.

“So, Y/N, how are you feeling about the rehearsal next week? Or the wedding, for that matter.”

You shifted in your position on the loveseat, feeling yourself frown, “Um, I don’t know. I don’t know what to expect. I can’t believe I’ll be married in just over a week.” Letting out a nervous laugh, you continued, “I haven’t talked to Yoongi in like six months. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

You could feel yourself spiraling, but you had been holding in so many emotions that it felt like you couldn’t stop yourself from talking, “Honestly, I’m really scared. I don’t want this to be my life forever. I’m not ready, I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

Joohee got up from her spot on the couch to hug you, Hoseok joining soon after. Something about their touch comforting you pushed you over the edge, the dam broke, and tears began streaming down your cheeks. You sniffled pathetically, hating the level of vulnerability you were currently displaying. You hadn’t cried throughout this whole experience, but in the comforting presence of your closest friends, you couldn’t help it.

“I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to marry him if it’s going to be like this. Why does my life have to be this way? Why can’t I be normal?”

Joohee and Hoseok only squeezed you in response, not having an answer to your questions. Your tears continued on until you couldn’t cry anymore and Joohee finally released you. She stood and smiled kindly at you, “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Water, please,” you said raspily, throat dry from all the crying. Joohee nodded before heading to the kitchen, leaving you with Hoseok who had shoved himself into the loveseat to further comfort you.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, slightly muffled by burying your face in Hoseok’s soft, cotton shirt.

“You know you can always talk to us. I wish I could change this for you, that you didn’t have to do this,” he said softly, stroking your hair.

“It is what it is,” you said, feeling much more mellow now that you’d cried out all your overwhelming emotions.

“Still,” Hoseok insisted, “He has no reason to be such a jerk.” You shrugged, you felt the same but there wasn’t much you could do to change that.

Joohee returned with a cup of water which you gratefully took and sipped. Suddenly feeling quite exhausted, and a headache coming on, you tapped Hoseok to get off of you, to which he complied and clambered off the loveseat.

“Sorry guys, I’m just so exhausted now. I really appreciate you being here, but I think I’m going to head to bed,” you stated, hugging both of them, before starting to gather the trash to clean up.

Joohee laid a hand on your shoulder to stop you, “Go, get some rest. We’ll clean up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Hoseok exclaimed, and pushed you towards your bedroom, “Go to bed!”

Laughing, you acquiesced and headed into your bedroom to get ready to sleep. As you went through your nightly routine, you felt yourself feeling a bit calmer about the upcoming week. You had your two closest friends by your side.

You were ready to handle anything that Yoongi threw at you.

Probably.

Yoongi lightly swirled the glass of whiskey between his fingers as he sat at his desk in his brown leather chair. By this time next week, he would be getting married.

His eyes drifted towards the manila folder lying at the edge of his desk, a small water stain on the corner. Inside were the files on his soon-to-be wife, Seo Y/N. He took a sip of his whiskey, the smoky flavour traveling down his throat, as he considered his fiancee.

He didn’t know what to make of her. She just seemed so meek and obedient, which wasn’t at all appealing. He didn’t remember much of her from before the arrangement, aside from vague interactions between them and the Kim siblings. She had seemed quite timid then too.

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, setting his glass on his desk. He didn’t want to do this marriage. It was a chore, really.

Yoongi didn’t necessarily have anyone he was looking to marry, but having to pretend to be exclusive with some girl he didn’t care about wasn’t conducive to the bachelor lifestyle he’d cultivated. He’d set his ground rules, and she’d agreed, pretty easily, another thing that irked Yoongi.

Couldn’t she stand up for herself? Or say anything at all that was her own opinion?

Yoongi drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, he supposed she had said something that night. She’d wanted to be friends. He hadn’t been expecting that.

He figured it might be some condition about how she didn’t want to work or for him to stop seeing other people, but, instead, she’d simply asked for his friendship. And he’d refused.

Of course he did, it went against his other rule. He wanted to keep his life separate from this artificial marriage and that included remaining nothing but acquaintances. He’d have to be steadfast, he decided. That night, when he’d seen your imploring expression with hope shining in your eyes, he’d almost agreed. He wasn’t sure why that was, or if he even wanted to know, but he couldn’t let it happen again.

Despite your docile and unassuming nature, you were dangerous. And you didn’t seem to know it, which made you all the more so.

previous / masterlist / next

348 notes · View notes

liilacpeach · 9 months

Text

Vice Dorm Leaders Relationship Headcanons

✧...

It's fluff time (again)

GN reader

Jade

✧...

Entertainment is one of Jade's biggest goals, above even the money he usually uses his efforts for, so from the moment he realized that you would be able to bring that to him, it becomes noticeable to you from time to time two pairs of heterochromatic eyes standing out in the shadows. Definitely as far away from a romantic beginning as possible, it also lacks romance in the way your conversations revolve around him trying to get a reaction from you. This starts to change when his hobby becomes the subject of one of your "debates", unlike his usual calmer temperament, he ends up becoming a little more expressive when it comes to his tastes, however questionable they may be, so when you pay attention to what he says, not giving the disgusted reaction he wanted, his interest goes from what you could bring to him, to you as a person. You become company instead of a way for him to pass his time, even if that doesn't mean he'll stop teasing you, but you can see a warmth in his eyes as he does it, different from before.

He finds himself wanting to know more about you, not just to facilitate future negotiations or fun, instead of just discovering your weaknesses he also wonders about your tastes, thoughts, how you feel. He doesn't care what people think of him, that's a fact, but sometimes he has doubts about how you see him, even though he knows that he may be asking himself that because he likes you, to protect his own emotions, he prefers to occupy himself with making you admit what you really think of him, whether his feelings would be reciprocated, instead of thinking about his own feelings for you, even if he likes you, he already has the habit of trying to be one step ahead of everyone in terms of knowledge. It's hard to say if he confessed to you or if he made you confess without even realizing what happened. Also because of his focus on controlling information, for a long time you will only be able to see what he wants to show, when he opens up more it wouldn't be anything so direct either, but he would leave some clues here and there about how he feels.

Although questionable, one of the ways that Jade lets you see how much he cares is by studying you, your different reactions and what causes them, it was his goals to learn these from the beginning, but now with a more romantic touch. He can't hide a seemingly evil smile from onlookers point of view when he realizes how much his range of options has increased. This study usually results in him learning your preferences to know what tactics he could use to make his gestures more meaningful to you. He tests each theory, then suddenly your hand and forehead are kissed by him one day, in the next one, you receive an invitation to a meal at Mostro Lounge, once again he does you a favor. He tries to pretend it's just out of curiosity, but for anyone who knows him, also knows that these actions have a meaning beyond that.

Because he doesn't care about other people's opinions, it's very difficult to see Jade show any embarrassed reaction, no matter how small, it's not entirely impossible, despite it being subtle. For him who takes pride in knowing your next moves before you can do anything, if you manage to surprise him, his normally colder heart warms up a little. Taking initiative and being the person who initiates any physical touch also works, although rarely, but generally the most efficient method is the one that involves his hobby. From you offering to accompany him on mountain hiking, to you mentioning to him a species of mushrooms that you believe he has never seen before, or remembering what he said about this subject when others normally don't pay attention. It's possible, even if it's hard to see, that he would show his happiness with a genuine smile instead of a scary one, telling you what he really likes about you, not just to try to make you embarrassed as a result or squeezing your hand a little tighter if he was holding it.

Ruggie

✧...

Maybe he would have already tried to give you a birthday present to get something in return or offered help so he could negotiate with you in the future, but if you want to offer help without any conditions, he will deny it. For you to provide support, it would have to be more discreet, asking for super simple favours in return that don't involve money, pretending that these are important to you, or helping him from behind the scenes. He is very intelligent, so he would eventually realize your true intentions at one time or another, but even after he finds out, he is confused about why he doesn't want you to stop, even though he is worried that one day he will have to return the favors if you charge him for it, he really doesn't want it to stop, both for the help and also because he knows how much he enjoys talking to you.

He would try to do more things for you as you got closer and his feelings became more romantic in nature, but that doesn't mean it would happen in a direct way, at least at first. Because of how he hides his emotions to protect himself, as he deals with several different students, but also because of his inferiority complex about being a hyena beastmen, he doesn't know if he would "offend" you if he showed any interest, even if he would never admit it was for that reason. He ends up using the same tactics as you at the beginning, subtly helping you, trying to keep you from noticing or asking for ridiculously simple favors in return. It takes time for him to confess his feelings for you, but it happens at one time or another, even if he maintains his mischievous attitude, it is visible how he becomes more shy around you, noticeable even to his laziest senior, who gives the last necessary push, so indirectly that not even Ruggie realized it. From the moment you two are together, he tells you everything with ease, since you are now part of his group of people that are important to him, trusting you completely.

In addition to supporting you in whatever you need, another way Ruggie shows affection is through physical touch. All of his actions are practically calculated so as not to owe anyone a favor, in a scenario like this it's hard to believe that he is used to showing vulnerability, except to a smaller group of people, so as he starts to trust you more, he also shows that he wants a greater physical proximity to you, even letting you touch one of his insecurities, his ears, as it is proof of his hyena-like physical features, it shows how much he considers you. After a while you wouldn't even need to take initiative anymore, since it would be obvious when he wants that special attention, because he surrounds you and stares at you all day, even if he tries to avoid being noticed, normally he can't hide it.

Ruggie takes a long time to trust someone, so when he finally ends up allowing someone he doesn't consider family to join this group of his special people, after being very selective, he is completely lost. Used to not letting real emotions show, it's difficult to notice when he's embarrassed about something, but it happens more often than you might think, especially when you help him or during the most innocent physical touch. Even if your cooking skills can't reach even Lilia's (as difficult as that is to happen) he would eat with a huge smile, he would try to hide it for the rest of the day, but some happy laughs escape when he remembers the meal you prepared for him, especially if they were donuts. Even the privilege of touching his ears, he pretends to be a reward for you, but his red face and smile say otherwise.

Jamil

✧...

It's meaningful to him that he met you organically and without any influence from Kalim, even if it was a strong bump as he walked quickly, worried as always. For Jamil, that all daily activities, from hobbies to even acquaintances, happened because of the space that Kalim takes in his life, meeting you spontaneously one day, despite it being uncomfortable for someone who plans and loves to have control in any situation , it was also somewhat satisfying for him, yet his presentation was short and calculated, as he immediately had to go back to what he was doing before talking to you. He continues to wear the mask while interacting with you, but he can't deny that he has fun, as he finally has a place where he doesn't have to remember who he is and the responsibilities that come with it.

For a long time he keeps his feelings to himself, even though he knows he feels something more for you because of how much he daydreams thinking about what he would do if he could say what he really thinks. He ends up confessing after you mention that he received an invitation to go to a party from Kalim. Just like the rest of emotions, he keeps to himself as much as he can until it all comes out at once, this wasn't much different, it was in the botanical garden that the words started to come out due to the shock of perhaps losing your company out of pure fear of doing something, not an ounce of regret after it happens, since even with his efforts to do otherwise, you saw who he really is and the title he was forced to carry, to his surprise, you accepted him, even before he achieved the freedom he so desires. You would have to be perceptive and try to think beyond what he says, since he tries to disguise even the things he likes, with the trust he acquires for you and the time you spend together, it naturally becomes easier to see what he really thinks about everything.

He knows what it's like to not have the time and freedom to do everything he likes because of the obligations he has, so he subconsciously tries to lighten your responsibilities, but not because he thinks you're incapable or irresponsible, he does it because he wants to ease the weight on your shoulders, he understands what it's like to not have time for yourself, so he doesn't want you to go through the same situation. Besides trying to fit you into his busy schedule, another way to see how much he cares is by paying attention to how he plans everything just to have a moment alone with you, instead of saving that time to spend alone as he would prefer before, now when he thinks about a relaxing time, you are automatically included in what he would consider calming, so he ends up calling you. He also tries to demonstrate his skills more while you are around, rather than holding back.

Jamil feels embarrassed easily, even if he tries not to show it, but prominent among the options of what to do to please him is reinforcing his independence. Throughout his life he has had to repress his own desires, so when you make it clear that you value his thoughts and emotions and want to listen to them before any decision involving him, even if he didn't take the initiative to tell you if you asked him, it would be an important moment for him, regardless of how many times it happened. Another way to make him more shy is to praise his skills honestly, he is already used to having to give fake praise, so he easily recognizes when someone is being genuine, in seconds you would no longer be able to see his face, which would be being covered with his hood.

Trey

✧...

Because of his role, he ends up meeting a lot of new people frequently, including you, but you stand out because you offer help instead of just asking for it, despite the students habit of questioning whether each action has ulterior motives, no one is made of steel, and even though he tries to diminish it to outsiders, the weight of his responsibilities is huge, so along with his down-to-earth personality, his tiredness also influences his temptation to accept the extra help. He gets used to your presence, to the point that if you're absent, even if it's just a few minutes late, it's enough for him to feel more worried. As the days go by, your name is practically replaced by the title of cook's assistant in the conversations of other students, who begin to wonder if the relationship between the two of you is not so platonic, due to the way he looks at you and the amount of time you two spend together.

For Trey, who avoids conflicts and negative emotions to the point of reaching catastrophic results, this habit is also perpetuated in positive emotions. Because he is reserved and patient, he justifies his actions to himself by stating that just spending time with you is already enough for him, that he has a long way to go before he decides to care about these things. He insists on holding back even when it is visible in his eyes that he is capable of having ambition, wanting something more, or the hint of jealousy that he feels every time your attention shifts from him to your friends while you two are together, since secretly he puts a lot of effort into having that free space in his schedule to see you. Regardless of whether his emotions started slowly overflowing, or if you had to take control of the situation, already in the relationship it is easy to see his effort to express himself more, even if the negative side still appears less than the others in your conversations as you get to know each other better.

As expected, one of the ways Trey shows affection is like a grandmother, feeding those he loves, but beyond that he tries to be romantic in other more conventional ways, even if it ends up being super awkward, because he gets totally lost. Despite his dedication, it's hilarious how his attitudes are more romantic when he's not trying, from making you breakfast, offering to help carry whatever you're holding, opening doors for you, giving your hands a massage at the end of classes while holding them, even planning the dates he could have with you every time he visits a new place that he imagines to your liking. Practically the opposite of when he tries to do something, mainly because the results involve him getting stuck, not getting a decent compliment out of his mouth, almost falling over himself, and the list goes on from bad to worse. Because of his failed attempts, he tries to show how much he cares when he shows you anything other than the image of a normal person that he normally tries to maintain, from pranks, to showing how tired his responsibilities make him.

Trey doesn't show his emotions so easily, even when he's embarrassed in a lot of different situations, by spending more time with him you realize the meaning behind his hand on the back of his head or the way he smiles differently than usual. He underestimates himself and hides the areas in which he stands out to be an ordinary student, so much so that he left it to be misunderstood by others that his magic could only change the flavor of things, despite what he could actually do. Trey is another one who becomes more shy when others see through his intentions and praise the skills he has, drawing attention to what he would like to hide for convenience or because he finds it shameful. But what could be more meaningful for him would be receiving any care from you, since a large part of his responsibilities involve taking care of others, so that he has an easier school life, even when he starts giving you this special attention, but now for other purposes, helping you because he really cares about your well-being, it is still surprising for him to receive any small percentage of those efforts back, your efforts to help him could have been happening from the beginning, but it is much more meaningful to him now that he's sure it's genuine.

Lilia

✧...

Being as friendly and spontaneous as he is, it doesn't take long for you to end up talking, even if it's more one-sided pranks than you talking to each other at first. Because he has to protect someone as his duty and objective, he pays attention to every detail, and by chance you became one of his favorites, he stops to pay attention more, trying to interact with you daily because it's fun for him. At first it's more superficial, because despite being outgoing, he keeps his feelings private to himself, but the closer you get, the more he lets you see not only the teasing and jokes, but also the thinking behind them. Even though he's old, he's been busy taking care of practically three children, so it takes a while to realize his own emotions, when you realize the pranks went from him just appearing out of nowhere for a rose to appear in your hand, or how the scares he tries to give to you went from two magenta eyes suddenly appearing in front of you, to your favorite food appearing in your hand (since this is fluff and not angst, he bought it rather than preparing it, so your survival is guaranteed). He doesn't even realize that he is increasingly using what he has learned about you to take better care of you, nor does he see how this is different from how he treats others.

He thinks and feels much more than he lets on, even if he is attracted to you romantically, he may try to hide it, whether due to the responsibilities he carries, such as raising his children, but also his concern about not letting his position harm you. His focus goes from avoiding possible problems and heartbreaks to enjoying the time he has with you as much as he can, it's not the first time he's had to feel the concept of one living less time than the other, but it takes longer for him to change his mind about not getting so close to you, not only because of past experiences, but also because of the impression that with you he has the option of not showing the depth of his emotions, unlike while raising a child. He is completely capable of never saying how he really feels about you beyond pranks to protect you, so he would need you to take initiative to change that. Any negative emotions and experiences are kept secret from you by Lilia for a long time even though you are already in a relationship, as he feels pressured to make the time you two have together as perfect as possible, because it is shorter and he values it a lot, but it's nothing that your dedication to know more about him can't overcome, because even if he tries to avoid it, his weakness is to give in to your wishes, because deep down he would like to show more of himself to you, but also because he cares about what you want.

With his special combination of archaic and present knowledge, any attempt at romance coming from him ends up being this mix of an elderly couple's marriage and a common teenage couple. You receive flowers and letters, but you are also invited to play video games with him or spontaneously go out at night with him, to visit different places that are impossible to believe they exist since they are so beautiful, the places of which you two visit the most are the ones that have a great view of the sky, especially to see the moon at night. Even pranks have gained even more adorable factors, now being not just the surprise itself but also the kisses on the cheek that come with it.

Having lived such a long life, it is harder to bring up new things or tricks to make him more shy, but it is still possible through a little study. Researching the way people in his homeland express affection and putting some of it into practice with him, seeing the way he acts and trying to copy some of his pranks to scare him, even if they don't work, and trying to find out what he likes by asking others, brings the element of surprise necessary for you to see another side of him. Also when you try to cook something healthy, or offer to help him cook so you can spend more time with him, it makes him smile more every second that passes by on the clock, his face a little pinker thinking about the memories he has created with you.

Rook

✧...

Why he started talking to you is unknown, not only to the other students, but also to yourself. Was it beauty? Personality? Any specific talents? It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what created the first drops of curiosity that would later become a great interest in you, even he didn't really understand why, but it was probably the combination of all your traits that was responsible for leaving him intrigued. Even if he is curious, he keeps his distance for a while with only an idealized version of you in his mind, due to his tendency to admire people from afar, but as he gets to know you better instead of being disappointed, he is surprised at how much he finds reality even better than he imagined.

Even though he talks a lot, Rook doesn't reveal much about himself, even to those close to him. Admiration for you is easy for him to admit, but opening up and explaining how his emotions from idolizing you ended up moving towards a more romantic side as the two of you started interacting more, is much harder to come by. In theory, he would do well with romance because of the poetic way he sees love, but revealing other sides of himself is crucial in a relationship and he is very hesitant about it. As much as he usually doesn't hold back words, whether good or bad, those that reveal something more don't come out so easily, they just reverberate in his thoughts while his eyes follow you more and more. Even after reaching the point where his feelings are practically completely visible, it still takes a lot of patience and persistence to hear anything more personal than beautiful words, over time they become more expository of what is behind them, even if they keep being really poetic.

Him telling you his feelings is already a great romantic gesture in itself, due to his desire to keep almost everything private, but for Rook who is so devoted to those he admires, other ways of expressing the affection he has for you end being even more dramatic than expected. From taking you out on a boat at night under an ocean of stars, offering to do a painting with you as a model, telling you everything he liked about you almost daily, even what you didn't like about yourself. Of all the ways he could be romantic, the way he uses the most is words, so even if you were already doing something special, like an outdoor picnic, he would still say words that were more beautiful than the flowers around you both.

When Rook finds it necessary or gets emotional, just like when he saw Neige, he ends up revealing more about himself, so seeing a slight blush on his cheeks is difficult because of how alert he is, but not impossible. To achieve this feat there are two ways available, one is to distract him using the help of someone he admires to surprise him if you wanted to prepare something bigger, or another efficient method is to simply act in a way he is not used to seeing. Since he tries to memorize your mannerisms, when he sees an unexpected side of you, completely out of what would be expected out of your personality, it would get a reaction out of him, even though he normally doesn't sound like that, he is honest, even though he tries to control how much this affected him, he won't try so hard to hide from you.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst fluff #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #trey clover x reader #trey clover #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucci x reader #jade leech #jade leech x reader #twst wonderland #twst

456 notes · View notes

factcheckingmclennon · 1 month

Text

john giving paul a bracelet: fact or fiction?

a lot of mclennon fics feature this silver ID bracelet of paul being given to him by john

so did john give paul a metal bracelet with his name on it?

this one is completely just a theory which lands it in

not too crazy much to get into source wise w this one because it's solidly theory/headcanon territory but i'll explain anyway for anyone that doesn't know The Bracelet Lore!

this one comes at me from @life-under-calico-skies :

Hello! First of all; THANK YOU for your blog! Omg! It was much needed! My question is; did John really give THE bracelet to Paul? It makes sense bc of the timing and when Paul wears it or not - so I WANT to believe it so bad. But I don't think I ever saw ONE reliable source saying that he once gave him a bracelet (or any other jewel, for that matter)

first of all thank YOU! i'm glad you enjoy the blog <3

but you're totally right- there's nothing other than the timing/when paul wears it and as near as i can tell, there's no source on it whatsoever, just people tinhatting. so we can't necessarily say it's Untrue, but it's a bit like speculating that they started a sexual relationship in hamburg or that x song was written about y... there's not much in the way of proving one way or another, unless paul comes out and says something different

with that SAID if someone says "john gave paul a bracelet" THAT'S definitely misinformation (intentional or not ofc). it's not fact. it's just a theory & i think somewhere that got a bit lost in translation? but anyway i'll break down what you mean by the timeline so others know wtf we're talking about here lmao

the theory

paul has/had a silver identity bracelet with his name on it. the theory goes that john gave it to him in paris or on paul's 21st bday & paul wore it on and off throughout his life

there's not much to back this up but there's also not much against it? so if you want to believe it that's fully your prerogative. me personally, i think it's a nice thought/headcanon and don't really Believe one way or the other, i just like the idea of it for like fics and shit

so the timeline...

this is the source for the Main pic people use to show the inscription. these pictures were presumably take in late 1963 and published in october of the same year

which also means this one could be earlier as it's also from '63 and the Only place i can find it is on a 1993 trading card saying it was from a "1963 publicity shoot" but i can't find any other photos from the shoot or which shoot it was to tell you what month that was lmao

there's also this photo from his 21st birthday party with it, which is Probably the earliest of these two:

which I honestly think is the Most likely time he would've received it, whether from jane or john or whoever else.

and as for the Rest of the timeline i'm pulling from a now deleted post by @ swaying-daisies who seems to have deactivated or changed urls but here's the post anyway. you can see him still wearing it in the 70s, although he stopped wearing it around 1967 for a while it seems

and then you can see it again in anthology:

as for where he got it all he's ever said was this:

"Dear Paul, I waited for three hours in line to see A Hard Day's Night and I thought it was just marv. What wrist do you wear your gold ID bracelet on and where did you get it?" Patricia Parrish BARSTOW, CALIF. "Dear Pat, Glad you enjoyed the film. We've almost finished work on our second movie now- and it's in color this time. Hope everyone enjoys it. I'm left-handed, so it is much easier to wear my watch on my right wrist. Therefore, the bracelet is on my left wrist. Where did I get it? Let's just say it has close sentimental value."

i've seen people say that there's pictures of him from Before 1963 with the bracelet on, but i can't find them.

so the options come down to: it was a gift from jane, it was a gift from john, it was a gift from his mother, or it was a gift from one of his other relatives

a couple of reasons people doubt the jane aspect is that he continued to wear it into the 70s & then ofc people claim that he had it before he met her. i can't find any evidence of him having the bracelet before jane, so i take that with a grain of salt. i'd think for me personally the only thing discounting it from being from jane is the fact the he still wore it during anthology. if it were just the 70s, that might be hand-waved away because it can still take a bit to get rid of everything an ex gave you. but by anthology, he definitely would've been over it.

people also point to him being cagey and saying "let's just say it has close sentimental value" as a reason it's Not from jane, but honestly i don't find that very compelling because at the time of this letter he was still like. out as being with jane, but it was peak beatlemania when they were supposed to be appearing single & approachable. so if it was from jane, i don't think he'd say that here either.

the oooonly other point against it being from jane is simply that i've seen people assert they "know for a fact" that it's from jane because people had matching sweetheart bracelets back then- but she's never seen wearing one. but that's just against them having matching ones, i really don't know if she gave it to him or not.

i don't see any reason that it wouldn't be from a family member that's not his mom, though. if it were his mom, there definitely would've been photos of him wearing it long before 1963. so For Me it comes down to john or another family member. jane is also still a strong possibility to me, although like i said the anthology bit throws a wrench in that for me, unless that's a different bracelet completely. or who knows, maybe he got attached to it outside of her- i've definitely kept things from exes long after i give a shit about them if i'm being honest.

another piece people like to throw in is that in both of the photos of him wearing it after his and john's split, he's wearing it on his right wrist rather than his left, like a widower would if it were a ring. not convincing to me honestly, but it's a part of The Whole Theory/Headcanon bit

others also speculate it could be from ringo! ringo had a similar one and I wouldn't be too surprised if paul liked his so he got him one for his 21st. definitely An option to consider!

also, if anyone knows the exact date on that teeth brushing photo that would be lovely. or if anyone happens to have a photo of him with the bracelet from Before he met jane.

but yeah tl;dr: it's theory, if anyone says it's for sure fact they are misinformed or just really want to believe it. no one knows who gave paul that bracelet and i doubt we'll ever know, so have fun.

#mclennon #checked: neutral #type: factcheck #sorry i went a bit dead yall i'll get to other ones soon !#but yeah basically dont trust any post saying it's for SURE from john #but you can have fun theorizing and headcanoning bc we have no clue where he actually got the damn thing #so your guess is as good as mine unless there's any crazy revelations out there no one's found

151 notes · View notes

edonee · 8 months

Text

The belief that gender is a feeling, something interior and unrelated to sex is not only false, but it also upholds gender stereotypes. What does a transgender person mean, when they say they identify as the opposite gender? I've actually posed the question to a lot of trans people, and the answers were always something along the lines of "I liked things made for boys as a kid. I felt different from other girls. I don't feel connected to my biological gender because I behave differently" (coming from women who identify as trans) or "I preferred girls toys as a kid, I was always drawn toward dressing more femininely, wearing make-up, etc." (from men who identify as trans). I then ask, why does that mean you are a different gender? I thought we were all on the same page with the whole "boys can like pink, girls can like blue" argument. I mean, everyone has been saying that for decades, and we all agree that those are gender stereotypes, right??

So I always asked myself why transgender people used those as arguments to prove their point. The other argument, that a lot of trans people might bring up after reading this, is "Well, sex dysphoria is a thing though". And yeah, it is a disgnosable mental disorder, and there are people who seriously suffer from it. But so is anorexia. Do we see doctors performing liposuctions on people suffering from anorexia, though? Of course not: mutilating the body of a mentally unwell person is inhumane. People who suffer from eating disorders are offered therapy in order to recover and create a healthy relationship with their body. So why would dysphoric people get "gender affirming surgery" (which is an interesting name, because I thought y'all said gender isn't dependent on sex???) instead of analyzing the reasons why their body brings them distress? The whole narrative of "being born in the wrong body" is so...vague. And, *trust me*, I've tried to put myself in transgender people's shoes and comprehend their arguments, but they are just insubstantial. I see why for some of them (especially women) identifying as the opposite gender would be favorable: for women, because it's an attempt to escape their fate in a misogynistic world. It's freeing (I speak from personal experience here, I identified as non-binary for a while). It feels like saying fuck you to the patriarchy. You feel the rush of eluding womanhood (or at least you think you do). But, at the end of the day, it's truly just that: eluding. And (unless you medically transition, to the point you pass as male) it's not going to change anything. People hate us because of our sex, not because of our "gender identity". Men won't care whether you identify as ftm, non-binary, agender or anything else. They hate you because you are Female. That's what misogyny is at its core. And, if you push the idea that gender is just a feeling, something that you can identify as, and that biological sex doesn't matter, and that "anyone can be a woman, actually!" you are inevitably going to water down the definition of Woman until it is just that: a sensation, something intangibile. How can we fight for a category of people, if we can't even define who we're fighting for? Also, Women are the only class this applies to. Take Race as an example: the movement of resistance against racism knows exactly who they are fighting for. The definition of a Black person is not up for debate. People who identify as "transracial" (mostly trolls) are heavily criticized, and they are obviously not included in the Black movement. Why do we have to accommodate males in our movement? Use whatever pronouns you want, get all the surgeries you want, take whatever hormones: it's not going to do anything to defy misogyny. @kieransskin

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist safe #transgender #terfsafe #misogny #gender critical #feminism #nonbinary #radical feminist community #terfblr

392 notes · View notes

casscainmainly · 16 days

Text

Duke Thomas and the Robin Mantle

There's been some minor discussion about whether Duke counts as an 'official' Robin or not. While that discussion is interesting, I actually don't think it's the crux of the Duke and Robin issue. To me, the question is whether or not he should be Robin. And, to me, the answer is definitively yes.

This is purely my opinion, and I haven't read every single Duke comic so it's possible I've misread/missed things. Any Duke fans, absolutely feel free to add or disprove anything here!

The Changing Robin

The first thing to understand is that Robin, as a mantle, has shifted with each person it's been passed to. Tim's Robin doesn't mean the same thing as Jason's Robin, which doesn't mean the same thing as Damian's. A mark of a true Robin is the ability to shift the meaning of Robin by wearing the colours.

Duke absolutely fulfils this criteria. In fact, him and his We Are Robin crew are the biggest shift in the meaning of Robin since its creation.

Cover from We Are Robin #1. The phrase "We're not sidekicks. We're an army!" signals the shift from Robin as individual to Robin as collective; from Robin as tied to the singular Batman to Robin as a wider movement, a socio-political force. The last question, "are you ready?", is vitally important as well. Duke as Robin is meant to be different. He's meant to be non-normative, a groundbreaking turn in what Robin looks and feels like.

At the end of the first issue, a disguised Alfred (who started We Are Robin) thinks the following:

Alfred infuses the phrase "of color" with two meanings: the Robin colours, and People of Colour. By explicitly linking Robin to POC, the comic is suggesting that not only can kids of colour be Robin, but that they should be Robin. Robins of Colour are the "future of this city," and Duke is the vanguard of this future. It's no coincidence that the Robin before (Damian) and the one after (Maps) are both POC. Duke, however, is the Robin that gives the mantle an explicit direction towards diversity: him and WAR use Robin as a social movement, and in doing so transform the colours of Robin into a symbol for the diversity in Gotham and the world.

Robin as Collective

Duke doesn't change Robin alone. The point of We Are Robin is that Robin is a collective, and it's important that Duke doesn't start WAR (as much as people like to say he did). By joining late, the comic demonstrates that Duke is part of a bigger movement.

The Robin community represents POC solidarity, the necessity and ability of the oppressed to band together. Lee Bermejo ends We Are Robin's final issue with "stress on the word "we"" - Duke's arc, in one sense, is learning to rely and work with others (he initially mistrusts basically everyone). The WAR community is essential to both Duke's character development and his tenure as Robin.

So to have this page, affirming his loyalty and love for them, to be followed immediately by them being written out is... something.

Duke appears next in Batman: Rebirth, where Bruce gives him the yellow suit and tells him he's not looking for a Robin. As soon as he stops being Robin, the community around him quite literally falls apart. Izzy sticks around for a bit but fades into obscurity, Riko and Dax turn evil, Dre ends up in Arkham - all of these fates are antithetical to these characters and genuinely tragic.

Batman: The Secret Files: The Signal is possibly the worst Duke story in existence, but it's important to understanding why Robin!Duke mattered. Riko calls Signal 'Bat-Signal', highlighting his sudden reduction to a Batman acolyte. His friends turning on him shows how, by losing Robin, he also lost the community formed by WAR. In every way, his transition into the Signal was saturated by loss.

Robin Doesn't Need A Batman

Bruce giving Duke the Signal suit is borderline insulting. He already had an identity predicated on the fact that he didn't need Batman.

From Batman (2011) #45, Batman: Rebirth, and Night of the Monster Men. "Robin doesn't need a Batman" is an inversion of Tim's 'Batman needs a Robin' - in many ways, Duke is the opposite of Tim, who's rich, White, and whose Robin is the most focused on helping Batman. If Tim is the ideal Robin-as-partner, Duke is the ideal Robin-as-individual. His idea of Robin is not, and has never been, associated with Batman.

People who say Duke isn't an official Robin since he was never Batman's partner miss the point. He is Robin because he was never Batman's partner. That's what Robin means to him - a mantle free from Bruce and all authority.

"Batman is on the gargoyle. Robin... Robin is on the street." Robin is the person on the ground, who lives and belongs to the people. When Duke becomes Signal, this ground aspect - as well as his separation from Batman - is gone.

In this cover from Batman & The Signal, they gave him a Bat symbol and put him on a gargoyle. They erased every single part of his Robin philosophy.

The Original Robin

Post-We Are Robin, Bruce becomes the Batfam member Duke interacts with the most. Besides the insult of Bruce withholding Robin, this fact also strips away one of my favourite aspects about early Duke - he was tied to the Batfamily through the Robins (especially Damian and Dick), not by Batman.

It's Dick, the original Robin, who chooses him.

Dick recognises that him and Duke have a lot in common. He tells Duke in Robin War that he's "got it," and that he's a natural leader - Dick knows Duke has what it takes to be Robin, and explicitly endorses him.

Not only that, but when Dick sends Duke to jail (along with the other Robins, official and unofficial), he tells Duke that he "take[s] care of [his] family". He basically inducts Duke into the family then and there!

Dick's endorsement of Duke makes it more interesting that Bruce doesn't make him Robin. Despite Duke's disillusionment at the end of Robin War (dispelled soon after in WAR), the events in RW confirm that Duke can and should be Robin. Bruce not making Duke Robin is defying both Duke's potential and Dick's right to choose Robins.

Robin as Family

On the rooftop in Robin War, Dick tells Duke that Robin is about family. This is the fundamental connection between them both: Robin acts as the link to the families they've lost and gained.

For Dick, Robin keeps John and Mary Grayson alive, while also symbolising his connection to Bruce. For Duke, Robin is the intersection of three families: the heroic legacy of his parents, the tight-knit community of We Are Robin, and the newfound friendship of the Batfamily.

In Batman (2011) #45, Duke tries to give his friend Daryl a Robin badge. He says, "you and me, we came up together. We're fam[ily]." Even before Dick, Duke associated Robin with family, and Daryl implies in the next issue that Duke became Robin because of his parents' inclination to help. Signal, of course, also comes from his mom; but unlike Robin, Signal isn't a legacy mantle. As Robin, he constantly inducted people like Daryl, Riko, Damian, etc. into his family. As Signal, his circle shrinks immeasurably, until it's really only the Batfamily and the Outsiders if we're being generous. (Daryl also turns evil - a really unfortunate pattern for Duke side characters).

Lark and Conclusion

I'm going to end with this panel from Batman & The Signal #1, which is emblematic of the way DC has treated Duke and Robin as a whole. Bruce tells Duke that Lark is "too soft" a name. DC was probably debating between Lark and Signal, but it's telling what they went with. How is Lark too soft, exactly? How is it any softer than Robin?

By overtly dismissing the bird-like name, Bruce - and DC editorial, or whoever decided this - is definitively moving Duke away from Robin. And it's a shame. In Duke's transition from Robin to Signal, he has next to no agency. Bruce tells him he's not Robin, Bruce gives him the suit, Bruce tells him not to be Lark, Bruce gives him another suit. It's a stark contrast from his induction into Robin - though Alfred arranged it, he gave Duke a choice. Duke chooses Robin.

Duke being disallowed the Robin mantle is, to me, on par with DC stripping Cass of the Bat symbol during the New 52. The racism behind both these decisions cannot be overstated - both Cass and Duke redefined their mantles, and their mantles defined them. At least Cass' mistake has been corrected, and lots of writers and fans acknowledge how horrible that period was. For Duke, he was never given a real chance. And it's unlikely he ever will be.

This is not a knock against the Signal identity or any writers. However, it genuinely saddens me to think that all of this story potential - Duke's redefinition of Robin, his relationship to Dick, his connection to We Are Robin, and above all his ability to choose who he wants to be - has been neglected and cast aside. Even if they never acknowledge his role as Robin, I hope future stories centre him once again, because it's what he deserves.

#duke thomas #meta #we are robin #robin #batman #tim drake #briefly but i do think him and duke are good foils #dick grayson #bruce wayne #if it seems like i'm mad at bruce here it's because i am #definitely the writing's fault but he's also been somewhat racist in how he deals with cass #duke and cass have a LOT of parallels with how they've been treated in and out of text #this was way too long idk if anyone will read this whoops

92 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 2 months

Note

Having seen what's currently happening in Venezuela, I feel so terrible for everyone to tried to vote Maduro out, and I worry about the US election. Will Trump and the GOP be able to do the same thing??

I agree that what's happening in Venezuela is bad and scary, but it's also not unexpected (unfortunately), and it doesn't correlate to the US election. It is very much a cautionary tale for us, but in the case of what could happen, not what has happened yet (and which we could and MUST still avoid). Here's why I think that.

First, Maduro is the heir of 25+ years of dictatorship (first the Chavez regime and then his), and that political machine has had a full generation to fix/control everything in Venezuela just as they want it. They've collapsed the economy, driven mass emigration/purges/brain drains, installed corrupt systems and destroyed civil society, staffed the government with cronies who will only ever do what Maduro personally says -- etc. In other words, exactly what Trump and the Republicans aspire to do here in America, but with 25 years' head start, so all those fixes are well entrenched. Outside observers were also warning well ahead of the Venezuelan vote that even an overwhelming majority for the opposition candidate might not be enough, because Maduro and co. can just fix the result however they want with imaginary fantasy numbers. (See Putin's "win" in the Russian presidential "election.") Because dictators all draw from the same playbook regardless of their professed ideological temperament, they always use the same tools.

Next, voting in Venezuela is all-electronic, which is obviously the easiest kind of voting to jigger, and which means that whatever the people actually select has little to no relevance to what gets published, recorded, or proclaimed. Now, despite the Republicans' constant screaming about ELECTION FRAUD, the 2020 elections in America were widely hailed as the safest, most accurate, and fraud-free in the nation's history. (For that matter, multiple investigations afterward have re-confirmed this, and the tiny handful of cases of election fraud that were found were committed by, you guessed it, Republicans.) This did not happen because of the Orange Fuhrer and co., who were busy trying to commit election fraud on their own behalves, but because America, however flawed, is still a participatory liberal democracy and citizens have the right to engage and to do so in a meaningful fashion. We had the entire investigation about how Russia meddled with the election in 2016, and changes were made. Cybersecurity experts were brought in; redundancies and failsafes were introduced; etc., and even the Russian campaign focused on psychological influence rather than actually, physically changing already-cast votes, because that is very, very hard to do in America. We are not an all e-voting nation; there are paper trails, hard-copy ballots, hand recounts, poll observers, election lawyers, and multiple other safeguards that exist. The Republicans have been attacking them as hard as they can, but they're still there.

Thirdly, the Evil Orange tried to fix the elections when he was the sitting president (don't forget the infamous "find me 11,780 votes" phone call to the Georgia Secretary of State that got him slapped with felony charges), but he couldn't do it even then. He also tried a coup as the sitting president, with full discretion as to whether, for example, the National Guard should be deployed to the Capitol on January 6, and that didn't succeed. As such, when he's a disgraced jobless felon who is not the commander-in-chief of the American military and holds no official or political role, he's definitely not getting it done now. There were reforms made to the Electoral Count Act to prevent another January 6, Biden and not Trump would be the president at any other attempted attack on the counting of electoral votes, and I can guarantee Biden would not sit around for three hours watching Fox News and cheering the rioters on if such a thing happened again. Trump has been threatening violence again because that's the only move in his playbook, and he wants to intimidate people into voting for him out of fear that he'll attack them if they don't give him what he wants, like any other psychopathic bully. But that does not mean he actually has the tools to successfully carry it off, and honestly, motherfucker? Try it one more fucking time. I double fucking dog dare you. Biden has 6 months left in his term and total immunity, according to your own SCOTUS. So.

Basically, Venezuela has already been a banana republic for 20+ years, the dictator has had a full generation to destroy it/remake it/turn it into his personal fiefdom, he allows elections only because he already knows they won't change anything or actually remove him from power, and that is precisely what Trump wants to do in the US -- but, and this is crucial, has not done yet. Which is why it is so, so important to Orange-Proof America and get rid of him once and for fucking all on November 5th. We can do it. So yes.

#aquitainequeen #ask #politics for ts #the giant orange monster

125 notes · View notes

scriptlgbt · 2 months

Note

I have a deaf trans character who went completely deaf in his teens. He is on T. Is it normal for him to be very conflicted on how he sounds to people? Would he be scared, especially when he starts passing more because the voice in his head will always be his old voice? Would he try to ask people to describe exactly how his voice sounds? Is it okay if he really wants a 'cure' due to this and never cared before he came out? Doesn't actually get the cure though.

I'm hard of hearing so my qualifications for answering this are limited. I can hear my own voice. This is my frame of reference here. I hope that deaf trans people can chime in.

When my voice dropped, I could physically feel the change when I talked. I would go to say something in the way I normally would, but it would feel more strained, or I would feel my voice break. (Hard to explain this feeling... It's like a pressure just gives way and I can feel my voice go softer? I don't know.)

I think in general, it's normal to feel self-conscious when your voice is changing. People who have known you with a higher voice seeing you for the first time in a year might be surprised and comment on your voice. Mine changed over a really short timespan so I had more people notice the change and comment on it and usually people expressed they were a big fan. I had platonic friends say it was hot, even. And I think, at least in my own trans community, there's a lot of celebration when people go through milestone changes.

The voice in my head has never been of any particular range or pitch. Sometimes there's an intonation to it, and if I focus, I can imagine a sound so clearly it nearly becomes hallucination. But my normal inner voice is more of just general language, maybe even closer to text than sound. This is another one of those things that varies with everyone.

I think that the story you're describing with your questions strikes me as an unusual level of hyperfixation on this. There are definitely people who do fixate on one specific dysphoric trigger, usually either isolated from trans community or whose only trans community are people obsessed with "passing" and coming across as cis enough. This usually speaks to an unhealthy community surroundings and a very big sense of danger in some way, whether founded in reality or not.

But I also don't see why this character wouldn't want to de-prioritize voicing if he has these concerns to this extreme of a degree. We (or me anyway) live in a society which is oralist. Everyone is assumed to communicate via oral language, and this is audist (part of the oppression against deaf and hard of hearing people). This is going to depend extremely on individual access, but, if this character has access to resources to learn the local sign language, this seems like a normal option. It's only really helpful if you know other people to sign with, but that usually comes more easily once you take the step to start learning in the first place. Some d/hh people also use other means of communicating, like typing.

There are some people I know who sometimes go nonspeaking and who carry a notepad for that reason, and will use this to interface with clerks or friends or whoever else they need to. There's also AAC in general.

None of this is to say that these things don't mean facing oppression, harassment, misunderstandings and assumptions from strangers. But I do know that some of the folks I know who use nonspeaking methods of communication are sometimes gendered differently by strangers who do not hear their voice. If this is truly that severe of an anxiety, this is probably the route the character would go.

But I don't think this level of hyperfixation on this is necessarily normal. I think wishing for a cure gets into some really big existentialism, like, what if this extremely core part of me were entirely different? It also assumes that deafness is necessarily a disease that requires cure, rather than something that just happens sometimes, which might or might not be related to some pathology or pathological origin.

I'm sorry to keep bugging them with my tags, but I rec reading work by @cripplecharacters.

But overall I'd just avoid writing this if you haven't experienced it. It's a really specific kind of experience and anxiety. I don't know your identities or anything, but if you are cis and hearing, I would probably just come across this and see it as weird and almost like... making these identities into an unnecessarily traumatizing spectacle. These can be things real people experience that can be represented, but they aren't for every writer to write. Not until people from those experiences write on them and get adequate success from that.

-mod nat

#mod nat #anonymous #trans #writeblr #writing advice #trans characters #deaf #deaf/hoh #testosterone #trans: bodies #trans: voices #trans: voice

70 notes · View notes

littleplantfreak · 3 months

Text

Roadtrip headcanons

I had these in a draft for two weeks until @the-bofurin-digest started talkin about how amazing Togame would be on a roadtrip so I'm dedicating them to you ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ (I was gonna let them rot in my wip docs before i saw the post)

Umemiya Hajime

- It depends on the trip but most likely he's prepared everything to a T. If something doesn't pan out in regards to travel time or itinerary he's the type to take it in stride and just enjoy being with everyone.

-Starts up conversations with random people at rest stops/destinations they visit and has to be dragged away because dude we've been here for half an hour and all they have are vending machines.

- Not so secretly likes being a passenger princess. I mean he'll drive no sweat but he loves watching everything passing by the window or turning around to make conversation with everyone. He will help the driver with anything they need tho whether it's a change in station, drinks, or navigation.

-Has the most insane ideas/questions for in-car games. No Sakura doesn't know what he'd do if Ume turned into a worm, but now he has dreams about it.

-If he's not driving he usually knocks out immediately on the way back home. (watch out he drools)

Hiragi Toma

-Please don't let Umemiya sit up front while he drives. In fact, put him in a whole other car (depending on how many of them go that may actually be plausible.)

-Super reliable driver, though if he claims he has a handle on his road rage, he does not. It doesn't affect how he drives nor is he usually yelling, but you can see his shoulders become increasingly tense the more bad drivers he spots. Needs to be fed medicine occasionally for his stomach.

-Not a snacker in the car but he won't turn down a coffee.

-He's good with directions, so whoever rides with him is in no danger of getting lost. Also no soldier is left behind when Hiragi is in charge and he check frequently after every rest/bathroom stop to make sure everyone and everything are in the car. -If the trip is to the beach or some other place where he can relax, he'll definitely take a power nap esp if they left home early.

-Plays his music on the way back home when everyone is sleeping.

Tsubaki Tasuku

-It's a great time no matter where Tsubaki is in the car. She drives and sings or sits passenger and sings. It's impressive how many songs she knows by heart actually. Chalk it partially up to her close relationship with Shizuka.

-When she's not singing, she has a thousand different stories to tell, so no one ever really gets bored. Opts for silence only when necessary, however if she's driving, she really would prefer someone talks to her.

-Kotoha's her go-to passenger in the front, but if she's not there/in a different car she'll just choose anyone not prone to sleeping the whole trip.

-Has a preference for cookies or sweets as an in-car snack.

Kaji Ren

-Sticks with his lollipops as a snack in the car.

-Not a fan of driving even when he has his license. Passenger or back seat for him please.

-Brings CDs and lets people use them but keeps his own headphones in most of the time, which is fine because he's not one for just talking about whatever for hours in the car.

-He curls into his hoodie when he passes out either to or from wherever the trip is. Even if the driver hits a pothole and his head bounces off the window, he stays knocked out, which is both concerning and hilarious.

Sakura Haruka

-Gets motion sick if he's not in the front, either as the driver when he's older or as the passenger. Unfortunately did not know this until the trip started and struggled to hold it in before making everyone stop by the side of the road while he dry heaved.

-If he's at driving age, he's actually a relaxed driver after the first few months of him getting his license. Prefers country driving to city no question though. It ends up being therapeutic for him to take long drives when he's older.

-Don't ask him to use the fancy new car radios that only have the screen, he'll end up with the heat on somehow in the middle of summer instead of changing the station. It's funny to watch him try and work it out until everyone's sweating buckets.

-Perks up if he sees a good food place and remembers it so they can stop there on the way back. Eats whatever he can grab in the car so long as he isn't sick.

#sakura dramamine be upon ye #wind breaker #wind breaker headcanons #umemiya hajime #hiragi toma #sakura haruka #kaji ren #tsubakino tasuku #its not everyone but its a few i dont write for often!!#thanks again Ang!#mari writes

69 notes · View notes

dorkynerd23 · 10 months

Text

"I Love Them And I Love That They're There For Each Other." 🥺🩷

[Liam Vickers (The Creator Of Murder Drones) Talking About N And Uzi.] (GLITCH X 2023)

In all seriousness though, although I'm a Nuzi/Biscuitbites shipper and all, I overall really do love and adore how much N and Uzi's relationship has blossomed and developed over the course of the show so far and how much closer the two have gotten. Whether you see them as either platonic or potential lovers, you can't deny that these two are absolutely adorable and badass, and just work so damn well off one another, they're honestly the heart of the show, in my opinion. (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠) You can honestly see the friendship and connection between the two and see that they do deeply care about one another and bring the best out of each other, it's honestly understandable why so many fans love the pairing between these two and their dynamic and find it comforting, because there's so much charm and even relatability to both characters. You truly do believe in their bond and their relationship is only going to get so much stronger once the final two episodes of the season are released next year, especially with the huge amount of stakes involved now + with N having to choose between either saving the universe or potentially killing Uzi.

N X Uzi is pretty much a slow burn, it's taking its time before things get serious between the two. To me, nothing in my eyes feels forced or rushed unlike other romances in pieces of media I've seen which didn't have the best development and growth, or the right amount of it. Although, relationships like N and Uzi have been done so many times and can be seen as cliche, (which I can get behind!) that doesn't always mean it's automatically bad and horrible, some cliche tropes for potential couples can/have worked as long as they're written correctly and done well! For me, when it comes to my favorite ships I like for them to have chemistry and believability and show the connection between the characters.

Honestly, for any romances/relationships in pieces of media to come across as believable than the audience must be convinced that the couple is genuinely connected and N and Uzi fit this category although we're only in the first season and we aren't sure what the future holds for the show, there's more potential to show more growth and development for N and Uzi and their relationship, with the potential of them being more! I honestly don't see how these two wouldn't end up together by the end especially after so much buildup and teasing only to have the two end up with different characters at the end of the show, it would've definitely left a bad taste in the fans mouths and would've been pointless. It would be understandable for N and Uzi to get together and it works, as not only do they have the strongest dynamic and relationship out of all the characters but throughout all the episodes (so far, at least) the two have shown to start growing closer and closer, the show has hinted at them being something more eventually. ❤️

Now, of course, anything can go and Envy might end up being the endgame couple instead, especially after V's sacrifice and her growing character development things could change. But, I honestly don't really see them getting together and besides, He and V could still be friends and connect and not everyone needs to get/be in a relationship to be happy. V doesn't need to be in a relationship with N to be happy, she needs to improve herself first and become a better person which is what she's slowly doing and as said, she can still find happiness in a found family and friendship, she can still find happiness in other places! 💙💞

#murder drones #liam vickers #liam vickers animation #glitch productions #murder drones uzi #uzi doorman #md uzi #murder drones n #serial designation n #md n #n x uzi #nuzi #biscuitbites

233 notes · View notes

restinslices · 7 months

Note

If it's alright with you, can you write the lin kuei trio with a s/o, who is a detective tracking down a serial killer who is going to target s/o and the lin kuei trio's reaction to it.

I can confidently say I have never gotten a request like this

Handle it or he's handling it

It's as simple as that

Did Bi-Han let his own father die? Yes. But for whatever reason he didn't fuck with him

I'm assuming he fucks with you though, so the thought of someone hunting you down is not something he's very fond of

I don't think he'd have any strong feelings about you being a detective. Not everyone can be out and about fighting people from other realms. Some people gotta do some protective work for the smaller people

So you being a detective is whatever to him

When you say you're hunting down a serial killer, I don't think he'd have any strong emotions either. He just assumes you'll catch them soon. His faith is pretty high

When it's revealed the serial killer is hunting you, that obviously becomes a big problem

A problem he has to solve

If you're like “No Bi-Han! I got it! Let me find them and end this!” he'll consider giving you a set amount of time before he handles it

Doesn't know how he's gonna track this unknown person down but his faith in himself is stupidly high

If you find them and lock whoever up then great for you

If the agreed time passes and they're still on the loose, he becomes Batman. Get out the way. He got it

No point in protesting either. Just sit at home and let him figure it out

He becomes the annoying boss in police movies. Y'all know what I mean

Definitely finds the person eventually and finishes the job for you

Hooray?

Honestly I think all the brothers are a “handle it or I'll handle it” case

Thoughts on you being a detective are positive. I think he can see how difficult that certain job would be

He's fighting with his fists. You're using your brain. You're both helping people.

He admires it lowkey

You're hunting down a serial killer now? Ok. Be safe-

What do you mean you're a target now?

He kinda saw it coming but it's still unfortunate

He'd understand still wanting to lead this case and he applauds standing your ground, but he's also worried because ya know, you could be killed

He'd try to assist but at some point he would really want you to let someone else handle it

By someone else, he means him

He's a trained assassin. He can probably hunt this guy faster than you can

Has more patience than Bi-Han but if a lot of time passes and they're not handled, then he'll step in

He probably would've warned you beforehand that this was something that would happen but as we can see, you either didn't listen or still slipped up

It's not that he thinks you can't handle it… kinda.

You're just not moving quick enough

I think he’d be nice enough to remind you he has faith in you but would vocalize his concerns when it comes to you still working on this case

Whether or not you decide to drop it is up to you, but he’s definitely not

Thoughts on you being a detective I think are also positive

He thinks you're doing a good thing

The Lin Kuei can't help everyone. They do more bigger things

So you helping civilians is great to him. It's a good cause

I think he'd also enjoy hearing about your cases and chiming in whenever

Hunting down a serial killer? Well, he guesses someone has to do it

He'd be confident enough in your abilities to catch this person

But then you're the next target

I think honestly all the brothers would have a similar reaction. So much so, I don't think there'd be much of a change. I probably could've written this in one paragraph

He could possibility be the most cooperative when it comes to letting you handle it

Gives you the most time to figure it out and tries to help out as a partner

Doesn’t wanna step on your toes but if you’re taking too long, he’s gonna do his own investigating

Probably asks Kuai Liang for assistance

I’m not saying any of them would find this person in days time, but they certainly believe they will

Worried about your safety as you could imagine, so he wants you to sit this one out

He’s probably conflicted, like what I said with Kuai Liang. One part is like “yeah, you gotta find this person!” And the other is like “you need to sit down so you’ll be safe”

Probably prefers for you to do all your investigating at home. Any leads you have you’ll either follow together, he’ll follow it, or someone else will

I think all the brothers will want to help as much as they could and would wanna handle this serial killer. And by handle, I don’t mean letting them go to prison. You can get out of that if you play your cards right

The only real difference is how much they let you help after they find out you’re a target

Bi-Han is like “I gave you time. You’re done. I got it”. Kuai Liang is “I knew this would happen and I know you wanna stand your ground, but maybe take a step down” and Tomas is “I get it so let me help”

This is kinda boo boo. Also I hate their little moodboards I made. It’s sickening

#mk1 #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat 1 #bi han sub zero #bi han #bi han x reader #bi han headcanons #kuai liang scorpion #kuai liang #kuai liang mk1 #kuai liang x reader #kuai liang headcanons #tomas vrbada smoke #tomas vrbada #tomas vrbada x reader #tomas vrbada headcanons

125 notes · View notes

dairy-farmer · 3 months

Note

Hi!

So, I love very very much sweet is the lullaby over your nest and I just want to know moreeee

Like, what do they do with the baby? Tim gets to live in the manor with his pack or he goes to another place? What are Damian's thoughts now that he knows his pack omega didn't want him bc of the loss of his puppy? What does Steph do knowing his ex boyfriend needed her and she took Robin away from him when he most needed her? What about Cass? Did she knew? And Dick, will he kinda step up now that he wants to change his relationship with Tim for the better?

answered out of order:

sweet is the lullaby over your nest is definitly on the more emotionally heavy end of the spectrum of fics ive written and i ended it in a way where i tried to communicate that the entirety of the family was going to be in for a REALLY bad time once everyone finally understood what had been happening.

tim is in a very precarious place, he's been distant from the pack for awhile so as for him staying in the manor or leaving i definitely think if i continued that would be the main conflict that would distressing the pack- the uncertainty of tim possibly leaving. because tim wants his baby to be safe, that's non negotiable to him. but if jason is coming around around the manor and possibly crossing paths with his baby then he'll up and leave if not to his own apartment then to san francisco. also tim likely still has lingering fears that maybe bruce will side with jason or that he might stake a claim on tim's pup. omegaverse legal fuckery means that bruce COULD essentially file for custody of tim's pup and tim has that in the back of his mind because bruce has loose moral and if he thought tim might leave them then he might file to keep danny in order to get tim to stay with them so that would be tim's fear during the fallout (that move would also probably be something bruce considers later on before someone tears into him, probably dick or alfred, for even considering it)

tim's pup is also going to struggle with some pretty severe attachment issues- he hasn't gotten a chance to bond, he's been in an orphanage until then, he has basically been emotionally neglected during a vital developmental time because there simply weren't resources to nurture pups after bludhaven. so there'd be some complex issues in store for tim where he greatly missed his baby and is desperatly attatched but tim's baby is scared and confused and maybe struggling to develop a bond with his mama and the instincts are making it worse and more confusing. so sad times for tim and his baby where they're desperately trying to form this connection years later after they were separated. all while tim is trying to make sure they don't get separated again.

for cass and dick their reactions can be summarized in a word: gutted. dick would definitely spiral terribly before forcing himself to get it together once its clear that bruce is borderline catatonic because bruce would NOT deal well with what he's learned at all. maybe he could twist his brain around enough to find excuses for jason's actions, for finding a way to say that jason was different from murders or mercenaries. but he can't excuse or ignore jason's actions with this, that he has to DO something about this, punish jason for this like how batman would demand he punish him. that if jason were a different cape, if he were a league member and this had been discovered then bruce wouldn't hesitate then but this? its an "ethical dilemma" of bruce's nightmares. if he punishes jason he might lose him if he doesn't he might lose tim, or maybe he'll lose both whether he does something or not. bruce is just trying to find a way to keep his family together but that's simply not possible in this case.

cass would feel gutted because she KNEW something was off about tim, knew he was in immense amount of pain but she'd chosen to leave gotham anyway. dick is ruined because his brother, who he'd been having a tense relationship with for over a year, had been raped, had had a baby and he he hadn't told dick. even before their relationship went to shit he hadn't told dick which meant that maybe their problems had been deeper and goingt on for longer than dick had realized. but tim had told him danny was HIS baby, he'd smiled at him so sweet and dazed and his scent brimming with joy.

even though things had been so rough between them he'd told dick about his baby, he'd SHOWN dick his baby and...dick has done wrong by tim. he's been failing him for a while, and clearly longer than he'd realized so when everything spills out dick is firmly in tim's corner because he's not messing up with him again. he's not going to make tim feel alone ever again, even if tim hates him, dick will be on his side. dick had messed up with jason, maybe that relationship had shivered a long time ago and there was no recovering it because he hadn't avenged him but tim- he can still do right by tim.

damian feels neglected, had for a long time because tim was an omega and BY INSTINCT that meant he should've been damian's caretaker. his provider. he should be the one defending and protecting him from other pack members hassling him, taking food from him, or attempting to harm him because omegas are the den keepers who protect the young, ill, and defenseless and tim hadn't. he hadn't done his job, he never responded to damian's pup cries and outright avoided him at times. he defied instincts to avoid caring for damian and so that of course created bitter feelings for damian, when tim had been disressed and clicking a clear call of 'pup! come to me!' and damian had responded, STILL he'd been brushed aside for what clearly held all of tim's affections. a younger, smaller, weaker pup. a pup that was barely weaned and the omega had chosen THAT over him. i don't think the pack would discolose to damian the circumstances, i think they'd try to shield that knowledge from him given his age but that would just lead to more problems and breed more resentment.

steph would also be in sort of the same boat as dick only that she'd been voicing her issues. she'd been upset and hurt that tim had yet to forgive her or even hear her out about her faking her death or anything from teh last year, she, like cass, had noticed tim had changed but had thought it was just HER he was treating like that. stephanie has a tendency to see things as being sort of her-centric so her realizing that she hadn't been the root of any issues, that she probably hadn't even been a thought for what tim had been struggling with and that tim likely hadn't had faith or trust in her for A WHILE since she hadn't known anything about this would definitely put her a weird limbo over everything.

the situation with jason is definitly complex. because jason is in a situation where one of the things he considers to be the most deplorable things a person can do is now something he's guilty of, out of his mind or not that was still HIM. maybe some weird primal version but still him that was capable of and did that. jason has always been, to an extent suicidal after becoming red hood, if not passively suicidal. coming back to life and coming back in a way he could just feel was WRONG fucked him up in ways he never really adressed, he just distracted himself from it. learning this definitely sends jason down a very dark place mentally. i think once everything starts spilling out jason leaves, doesn't explain himself, doesn't deal with the fall out he just leaves to put distance between himself and try to figure out what to do. i do think jason wants to die after learning what he's done. i think the level of revulsion he'd feel and the hatred he'd feel towards what has occurred would do something to him. jason doesn't believe rapists deserve second chances, he doesn't believe they can be rehabilitated or fixed and he doesn't believe they deserve to live. i do think maybe the only one that could maybe reach jason though his mental spiral would be roy. maybe dick calls roy because he knows jason might do something though he wasn't sure what. that exchange would definitely be a tough one once roy found him holed up somewhere. roy at that point would be trying to argue against jason's own self-destruction. i have thought about how their exchange would play out but its a tough piece of dialogue to really pin down.

jason saying how if he were anyone else, if he were just some random fuck from the street standing on a ledge that that roy wouldn't be trying so hard to talk him down, that he might even goad him to do it.

and roy doesn't deny that. he admits it. but he also admits that jason is different from other pieces of crap. that he tries to leave places better than he found them, that he has empathy for people that are otherwise discarded.

i think that roy's history with drug addiction and his path to recovery, him struggling with his own feelings of self hatred and the person he was would let him get to jason when he tells him that self forgiveness is bullshit. that thing he's read in self help books and pamphlets about learning to forgive your self are worthless to people like them. because roy knew that 'forgiving' himself for fucking himself up so bad wasn't what he needed. forgiveness felt too permissive, like he was basically giving himself a pass for the shitty things he did and the people he hurt and the things he did that he could never take back or fix. roy lays it out for jason and tells him that he owes it to the people he wronged to spend the rest of his life making up for it. even if it makes no difference, even if they never want to see him again- that's his punishment. he doesn't get to die and let himself off easy, he has to work.

the situation with danny would also be difficult but the one thing that jason and tim agree on whether they know it or not as that neither of them wants danny to know what he came from. jason has seen how fucked up kids produced from rape are, the way the light in them just...dies when they realize what they were born from. and tim knows that too. he knows the statistics, he knows the impact it will have on his pup's mental health and wellbeing at knowing. so for his sake, jason learns to swallow back this shredded pain at his chest when tim tells an older danny that his father is dead.

i don't think that jason would want the pup to know him or view him as a father. i think he'd find it disrespectful to tim especially since tim wanted nothing to do with him.

i think jason would always be in the background, trying to make up for something that's impossible to make up for. doubling his effort to keep gotham clean and safe so that tim's pup doesn't have to worry about getting snatched off a playground or felt up by a dirty cop or any of the things that jason saw or went through as a kid.

i think he'd try. just smelling him that one time left jason struggling with his emotions and instincts and everything. whenever tim would be out or around gotham jason would leave the city to give them space, he''d be in an airport and see stuffed animals and toys and things that would've called to him as a kid and..in weakness he'd mail them knowing that tim would probably throw them out but just not being able to fight the need to...provide something.

he stumbles a lot in this new life purpose of seeking to repent. he offends tim by offering him money, angers him by sending clothes, makes the mistake of trying to talk to tim about things that don't relate to their caped duties because tim does continue to cooperate and work with jason he just won't allow any talk of his pup and the fact that tim continued to work with jason makes everyone and especially jason uncomfortable because it just feels wrong.

everything following the reveal is definitely complicated and difficult for everyone involved and its something that would make for a very long fic to do it.

but like i mentioned in the notes i think after years and years and tim's pup grows up to resemble jason in more than one way i think its possible that maybe when tim see jason the first thing he feels isn't hatred. i don't think its ever quite indifference either i think its sort of an 'okay. this is how things are.'

depite being tagged jaytim i don't think it ever can really bloom to that, just too much hurt and pain is tied up in between them. i think if jason ever developed feelings he'd hate himself for them and if tim ever developed feelings he'd be distressed and have sort of a deep mental distress over it. i think it would distress and freak the two of them out too much. them having a pup together however also ties them together in a way the two of them can never really untangle. maybe its why the two of them never really feel comfortable getting mates or siring other pups. tim because danny's birth was deeply traumatic to him in a way he never fully processes and jason because "starting a family" and playing at happy family feels too much like he'd be mocking what he did.

in a way titans tower continues to haunt them for the rest of their lives even if danny grows up happy and better than they ever thought they were each capable of.

i think both of them struggle deeply with it, both of them wish more than anything that it had never happened but at the same time see this sweet and happy child and feel twisted and conflicted about it.

the tragedy for jason and tim is that the only person who can really understand their pain is each other

#answered asks #asks #anonymous #answered out of order

63 notes · View notes