#whereas business would actually be useful since he is handling the business aspects of the family

[mossiestpiglet]

I’m so torn on what Harold Bloor’s doctorate is actually in because like. The rancid vibes say business administration but my desire for him and Paton to have the most unhinged beef imaginable says history.

[huihuiheart]

Kinktober D15: Yes Sir - Mafia! Changkyun

Pairing: Mafia Boss! Changkyun x f! Reader

The reader works for him, but not really in regards to heavy mafia business. She manages the bar part of his front and takes care of clients in the illegal card games in the back, that’s it.

Warnings: Mafia themes, thigh riding, dom + sub themes, sir kink, mentions of alcohol, mentions of gambling/poker games, praise kink, cursing, a little manhandling, dirty talk, implied sex.

Word Count: 1,804

Tag list: @hyunsungcore​ 

Most people would hate working for Changkyun, especially with the reputation he had. You, however, didn’t mind one bit. He barely had you doing anything illegal, and even what you did do was just getting his players drinks and such while they played. Changkyun mostly lets you handle the entirely legal aspects of his business, not wanting you at risk. He also trusted you, though, which is how you came to know about the business that he ran behind the scenes of the bar you kept functioning. You being one of the few girls he trusted to serve the games, the only one when it came to some more high profile individuals. Changkyun was more than fair to you, though. He paid you generously, giving you a business card for whatever the bar or games might need to be purchased to keep well maintained. He also ensured your protection, walking you to your car at the very least every evening, having given you a simple silver drop necklace with an emerald on it. He had told you to wear it everywhere as a sign that you are one of his so that no one would mess with you. It seemed to hold true too, the symbol must have mixed enough with your clueless aura towards mafia things to never have been bothered at all. 

What you didn’t realize is what his gift to you actually meant. Changkyun had an arrangement with a couple of other mafias that their family who wasn’t a part of the mafia would be left out of trouble and wars, offered protection by all of them. Changkyun’s marker for those people to him was an emerald. The only thing was, you were the only person Changkyun had given something to for protection. He had no family left, and anyone whom he was close to was in the mafia with him. A group that you were more than familiar with as well. The group regularly meets on Monday evenings when no one else would come to the card tables and discuss things both in life and in mafia happenings, a weekly meeting, and socializing all in one. This one of the times when Changkyun only trusted you in that separate room. 

“Good evening guys, I’ve got everyone’s usual.” You announce making your way around the table to hand out various drinks to each of their perspective recipients, ending as usual with Changkyun, “You all know what to do if you need anything else, yes?”

You’re nearly satisfied with yourself at the cheer and glass raise you get from most of the men who are now invested once again in the cards being dealt for this round. Until Changkyun gently grabs your wrist and motions you to lean in for him to whisper. Changkyun didn’t often if ever have an issue with you, so this wasn’t something you were used to from him. That being said, you wanted to have both his approval and attention for more reasons than you’d openly admit.

“Y/N, I want you to bring me the paperwork for the bar for the past year, please. We’re discussing some things, and I want to ensure that we have everything correct. Can you do that for me, doll?” The way he purrs out the term doll while his hot breath ticks against your ear and neck nearly brings you to your knees, but you keep it together in front of all of them, giving a curt nod. 

“Yes, sir.” You simply say before scurrying towards the exit as quickly as possible without seeming suspicious, not having any clue that every time you called him sir, he had the same problem brewing inside him as you did when he calls you doll. Diligently you bring him the records he’d inquired about, not concerned in the least that he’d find fault in anything you’d done knowing you ran it without issue and always informed him of major things before just going ahead yourself. His legitimate business had profited a lot since you took over running it, if anything he just needed the details for comparison purposes, you were sure. Continuing to fulfill your duties of keeping the bar running and the men playing cards satisfied, you had no qualms at all. Until after the bar closed when you found Changkyun waiting in the back for you alone looking over the files, placing his drink down with a soft clank, as his eyes met yours when you entered the room.

He unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves of his crisp button-down before leaning back in his seat and motioning you over while undoing a few of the buttons covering his chest, just enough to give a tease, “Come here doll. We need to talk.”

Your eyes widen, gulping a little at this darker side of Changkyun as your nerves tick up a few notches, making your way over, “Is something wrong, sir?”

“Yes, but it’s nothing you’ve done. Have a seat doll.” Changkyun taps his thigh as if inviting you to sit on his lap, causing your throat to try up as you blink at him.

“O-On your lap, sir?” Your question comes out shakier than you intended, and Changkyun chuckles at how flustered you are.

“Yes, on my lap. We’ll be looking at files together, so it’d be easier that way, don’t you think?” Changkyun’s lazy smirk is smug, but it has the fire you’ve been trying to quench all night flaring up hotter than before. Yet, you didn’t argue, not when you might not get another chance to feel his body pressed so closely against yours, even if you both were fully clothed. Changkyun’s arms slipping around your waist and pulling your back flush to his chest as he brings the files up to rest on your lap.

“The boys were more than impressed with your work doll, they praised it even. You see...we have a couple of legitimate businesses to hide what we do, but yours is the one that runs smoothly. Never gives us any trouble. In fact, you do so well that we actually legitimately profit, whereas the others try to suck us dry and skim money from us. Which is why I’ve decided to offer you something...well a couple of things.” Changkyun explains showing you the numbers that compare the bar you ran versus their other fronts.

“Let me guess...you want me to run the legitimate businesses for you too?” You predict already spotting numerous problems that would need fixing just based on the numbers alone.

Changkyun hums against your neck, breath brushing right against it as his thumbs start to rub circles into your hips where he’s gripping them, “ Exactly, we were thinking just giving you one at a time, and once you smooth that one out we’ll add another and so on. Though there is another thing.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you can’t think of what else there could be, “What is that exactly sir?”

“I want you to be my queen. I’ve thought so for a while but seeing just how hard you work only further proves to me that you’re who I want. I’ll keep you out of the mafia side of things of course, but I want to be able to treat you like you deserve....even if you don’t want to be that for me...at least let me reward you for being so good for me doll.” Changkyun’s words are slightly muffled against your skin as he trails kisses down your neck, hands slipping up to grip and roam your sides, showing exactly what he wanted.

“Reward me then sir, however, you’d like.” You sigh softly, already melting into his touch, only for him to toss the files aside and make you stand. Though you soon understand why as he makes quick work of your clothes, before moving you to straddle his thigh, facing him this time.

“Well, maybe I saw wrong, but I think you might just have a thing for my thighs with how often you stare, doll. So why don’t you do whatever you’ve imagined on them, hm?” The certain, cocky look on Changkyun’s face shows that he knows for a fact, he wasn’t wrong and that you did indeed love his thighs. 

“Yes, sir.” You purr seductively, licking your lips and slowly starting to rut against his clothed thigh, mewling whenever he’d flex it beneath you as your nimble fingers worked to undo the remaining buttons on his shirt and expose his chest to you. His hands roaming and groping at the skin as you start to work your hips faster, his hands gripping your ass and making you grind harder against his thigh, rubbing more and more delicious friction against your clit, and leaving more of your slick against his dark jeans with each drag of your hips. 

“F-Fuck look how out of breath you already are, doll. You look like the prettiest little thing getting off on my thigh like this, make it messy. I’ll reward you like this whenever you want, you just have to ask, doll.” Changkyun’s words have you mewling, back arching, and drawing his attention to your breasts, where he sucks one of your nipples into his mouth, pulling back with it between his teeth and making you more desperate. Changkyun chuckles darkly, noticing how needy you’re getting, and bounces his thigh, groaning against your skin where he’s suckling on your breasts each time your thigh rubs up against his bulge. Your thighs tremble as your high approaches, letting Changkyun take control over your actions rutting against his thigh, only able to give in and moan for him.

“S-Sir I’m so close, I-I’m gonna cum. P-Please.” 

“Such a good girl, knowing to ask for permission first. Cum for me then doll. This is a reward, after all, cum all you want for me until my pants are ruined because of your mess.” Changkyun gives you all you need to hear to release a shrill cry and spill onto his thigh as your high pulses through your body. You pant softly, as you come down from your high, Changkyun peppering kisses over your shoulders and collarbones.

“You did so well for me, doll. Did amazing cumming all over my thigh like a good girl. Making it all sticky and wet with your juices.” Changkyun praises softly before pulling back and raising a brow at you in question, as you work on undoing his pants for him.

“I think it’s time for you to make me your queen now, Sir.” You give him the same smirk he’s been giving you all night as you give him a true answer to his earlier invitation as well as move to get what you both truly wanted.

“Fuck doll. I thought you’d never ask.”

[glbertblyth]

AN: It’s been a long time shirbert fans... anybody still up for some fake-dating shenanigans? 

It was raining by the time Diana arrived—the sort of rainfall Anne might have basked in and even written a poem or two about if she’d had a mind for it. Instead, with Gilbert’s short visit still fresh in her mind, it only exacerbated her horrible mood.

Once out the door (slammed behind her, much to Marilla’s great woe), Anne threw her denim jacket overhead to avoid the inevitable ruination of the pretty outfit she’d decided on that day. The walk to the back door of her friend’s car was all it took to dampen her hair and muddy up her beloved white hightops. She didn’t even want to begin to imagine what the state of her hair might be once dry again. The half hour she’d spent on taming the wild red lockes surely going down the drain with every squelching step she took. She shuddered to picture the disobedient strands frizzing and curling annoyingly around her shoulders.

“Anne!” was the first thing she heard when she opened the car door, her hands cold and clammy from grasping the freezing handle.  

It was Diana who had exclaimed it, smiling brightly from her spot in the driver’s seat. At its most brilliant sight, Anne’s sour mood nearly melted away - she did so love Diana’s smiles. So for a fleeting moment it was as if it were summer again and they were having one of their lovely days of sloth, with the sun vibrant on their skin as they lay in the fields behind Diana’s house watching the clouds slowly drift across the sky. No school to worry about or boys to try and decipher.

Then thunder rumbled and she was brought back to the present. Sitting wetly in the backseat of Diana’s car next to Jane and catching the very last few syllables of words mumbled from the front.

The brunette beside Anne reached across the gap in the seats to pinch Ruby, who squeaked indignantly.

“We brought coffee,” Diana went on, pulling out onto the road. The higher octave of her voice gave way to the obvious—she was being purposely breezy. Acting as if Anne hadn’t just opened the door and interrupted a conversation in which they had most definitely been talking about her. “I had them put an extra shot in yours because I know that’s the way you like it. Ruby? The coffee?”

Ruby rolled her eyes as she passed the drink to Anne. But she didn’t turn back around when it was in the red-head’s grasp, instead hovering there with an oddly expectant look on her face. A look, Anne realized, that was present on the other girl’s faces as well. Even Diana, big brown eyes wide like a doe’s in the rearview mirror.

“What?” she asked, pausing with her mouth halfway to the straw of her coffee and glancing around awkwardly.

When the only response was the low and torrid voice of Harry Styles drifting through the stereo and a raise of Jane’s eyebrows, Anne’s lips thinned in realization. The very word she had interrupted when she’d opened the door hadn’t been a word at all. It had been a name. Gilbert’s name.

Anne flopped her head back onto the cushioned seat, “Oh god,” she bemoaned. Could she not escape it for five minutes? Not even amongst her most beloved kindred spirits?

But there was nowhere to hide. Not with the three sets of eyes watching her so curiously. Waiting for her to give an explanation that she surely did not have. She was beginning to grow tired of Avonlea’s uncanny ability to spread gossip like wildfire.

“Watch the road,” Anne snapped at her best friend,  “or you’ll kill us all.”

Diana gasped and averted her gaze, focusing instead on navigating the road through the pelting rain.

“You can’t deny it happened,” Jane said matter-of-factly. “It’s all over everything.” Then she whipped out her phone, pulling up twitter as a way to prove her point.

“Don’t believe everything you read.” Anne snapped at her.

“So you’re saying it’s just a made up rumor?” asked Ruby, almost hopefully—because while Anne had despised Gilbert since the time she’d first laid eyes on him, Ruby had simply adored him. While Anne would spend every single valuable and precious minute of her English classes poking holes in Gilbert’s foolish arguments, Ruby was sitting not two seats away, mooning. It was exasperating.

“I’m just saying,” Anne folded her arms defensively across her chest, “there was a lot more to it than that.”

“So it happened?!” Ruby exclaimed, with such force she knocked her binder into Diana’s lap and almost spilled both of their drinks.

“Ruby!”

“Well I’m sorry but—this is—you can’t just act like this isn’t a big deal, Anne! He’s Gilbert! ”

“I’m well aware of who he is.”

“You hate him!”

Anne bit the inside of her cheek. Of course she hated him. Of course. But it’s not as if she could tell the truth: that she had used Gilbert as a mere line of defense against dearest Diana’s cousin—her very own flesh and blood. Though how that was possible was beyond Anne considering he was so insufferably annoying, whereas Diana was so sweet and kind and considerate. She never would have pushed anyone the way that Roy had Anne. She never would have refused to take ‘no’ for an answer, never would have imposed so thoroughly on Anne’s personal space that she felt as if suddenly all of the oxygen in the world had run out except what was left in her lungs.

Hell, even Gilbert had taken Anne’s ‘no’ at face value. He had nodded and left, much to her great relief. And how terrible a concept to consider: Marilla inviting him to stay for breakfast! What would she have done then?

“Anne,” Jane poked her cheek. “You’ve got some serious explaining to do.”

Like hell she did. Maybe the decision to kiss Gilbert had been rash, but she wouldn’t have done it had she not felt as though she’d been forced into a corner. And while she did hate Gilbert’s guts, the mere aspect of her kissing him shouldn’t have been ground breaking news. He’d been there. She’d used him as a shield. That was it.

Even if the memory of his lips moving fervently against her own had haunted her dreams all night, it was nobody else's business. After all, he’d technically been her first real kiss. And even if she did think him an insufferable pompous ass, she wasn’t entirely incapable of admitting that he was a rather good-looking boy. She wasn’t blind for chrissake.

But even so, she had absolutely no intention of that little tidbit of information ever leaving the confines of her own mind. Nobody needed to know that she found Gilbert Blythe attractive. Or that she may have very mildly delighted in the fact that he’d been so quick to kiss her back. Or—or that she’d felt a bit of a thrill when she’d seen him again that very morning; a thrill that may or may not have caused her to even entertain the plan that he’d so eloquently presented to her.

The severity of the realization jolted her. Rose her blood levels to an alarming height. Had she just admitted to anticipating Gilbert’s presence?

“I don’t have to explain myself to any of you!” Anne exploded. Though she couldn’t tell if her anger was directed at her friends, at herself, or at the mere prospect of having anything but ill feelings toward her long time rival.  “What I do with my life is nobody’s business but my own! I don’t intrude on your private lives like this.”

Ruby shrunk back, but Jane wasn’t deterred. Everyone knew Anne had a terrible temper sometimes. When she yelled it was usually because she felt like she’d been backed into a corner and couldn’t see an escape besides pushing everyone else away.

“Sorry, Anne, but I’m your friend. Friends talk about this stuff. They don’t keep secrets.”

“It’s not a secret.” Anne grumbled. But she knew it was a weak argument. That her friend was right and that she had absolutely no excuse as to why she should keep the truth from them.

Because you’re actually considering Gilbert’s offer, a vexing voice said in her head,  And telling them you only did it as a way to escape Royal would ruin it. The voice only annoyed her more despite its truth.

Anne took a sip of her coffee with far more enthusiasm than necessary. Any excuse to avoid talking on the subject further. Avoid meeting the tense stares of her friends.

“I don’t see why it would be such a big deal that you kissed him anyway. Half of our grade has been expecting you two to jump each other’s bones for years.” Jane shrugged nonchalantly.

Anne felt the large gulp lodge in her throat as she choked out a cough, “What?”  

Ruby craned her neck around to face her, baby blue eyes wide and vulnerable. Diana released a quiet titter of laughter but didn’t take her eyes off the road.

Traitor.

Jane rolled her eyes exasperatedly, briefly meeting the hurt look of their sensitive friend,  “Oh give up, Ruby. He’s known you his whole life and hasn’t made an attempt at you,” When Ruby faced the front again, lower lip jutted out in a pout, her dark gaze swiveled back to Anne’s, “ You , however, caught his attention from the moment you arrived.”

Anne flared her nostrils indignantly, “Not true.”

The girl next to her threw her hands up in frustration, “It is too!”

“Is not.”

“What are we, five?” Jane quipped. And then her face turned smug, “Besides, you guys did end up kissing, didn’t you?”

Jesus, it was a good thing they’d barely missed seeing Gilbert at green gables. Anne hated to think how insufferable her friends might have been had they known he’d stopped by that morning.

She let out a dramatic huff, placing her coffee in the cupholder between them and then crossing her arms to her chest. “Do you just believe everything that Josie Pye posts?”

Jane opened her mouth to retort, but before she could, Ruby turned around in her seat again, “We don’t have to. You’ve been evasive enough to answer the question on if you kissed him or not for us.” She said with an adorable scrunch to her eyebrows. It was obvious she was stung but didn’t want to be left out of the conversation.

A loud clap of thunder sounded outside of the car, mirroring Anne’s emotions perfectly. Oh, how she wished she were a storm cloud sometimes. Floating above it all, no care in the world. No expectations except for that of releasing their torrential rage on unsuspecting passers-by. Perhaps if that were her, she wouldn’t have gotten herself in such a messy situation.

She watched as the windshield wipers slapped at the front window, avoiding looking her friends in their eyes. “How far are we from the school?” she grumbled. Though it was certainly going to be a tough task in it’s own, it would be better than sitting under the excruciating scrutiny of the three girls she was trapped in the small car with.

Diana cleared her throat. “Just another block,” she said.

“If you want me to make sure Josie stays off your back today, I need to have the details.” Jane stated simply.

Anne ground her teeth at the annoying tenacity of her friend.  “There aren’t any.”

“There aren’t any? ”

“That’s what I said.”

“How could there possibly not be—“

“Jane!” Anne snapped, teeth gnashing out like that of a caged dog’s, “Just drop it!”

There was a stunned silence for a moment as Jane snapped her mouth shut. No other sound but the constant pattering of the rain against the windows and the quiet hum of the radio. In the rearview mirror, Diana exchanged a sympathetic look with Anne.

“Fine,” Jane said finally, a cool resolve in her brown eyes, “But just because you hate Gilbert doesn’t mean everyone else does. If I can’t get the answer from you, I’ll just ask him.”

Anne stiffened—every muscle in her body pulling taut as she fought the urge to strike out with her constant weapon of choice: words.

Gilbert wouldn’t sell her out… would he? Not when he himself was riding on the possibility of a public relationship saving face.

God, would pretending to date him actually work? Could they even do it? Could she do it? Certainly he’d do something to piss her off. Something that would cause her to lash out and make it obvious that they were not, and would never actually be, in a relationship.

The thoughts tormented her as Diana pulled the car into the student parking lot. As she parked in her normal spot near the entrance. As she turned off the engine and they were swallowed by the sound of the falling rain. How fitting to see that Mother Nature bore such a pitiful mood—gray clouds swirling in the sky the very same way Anne’s feelings were swirling in her head.

As her friends giggled amongst themselves—already having moved on to the next subject of interest and opening their car doors—she took a shaking deep breath. Steeling herself against whatever the day might throw at her and clambering out of the car into sheets of cold rain.  

+++

When the lunch bell rang, releasing students from their third period classes, Anne’s relief was as palpable as a cool wave crashing against a hot sandy shore. She gathered her things hastily—stuffing them into her bag and barely zipping it back up before hurrying from her calculus class and out into the crowded hallway.

She had very little want of being left in the classroom with a certain tall, dark, and tousled boy. And since that was how things normally went—since Anne and Gilbert were usually the last two left in the classroom, quickly scrawling the last of their work out on the worksheets before them—her rush to leave the confines of the classroom wasn’t without warrant.

Not for the first time since being acquainted with Gilbert Blythe, Anne cursed the fact that they shared a fair amount of classes. (Or unfair if you’d asked her.) But this day… This day had taken her dislike to an entirely different level.

Or maybe dislike wasn’t the correct word for the churning she felt in her stomach every time she’d caught a glimpse of his disheveled dark curls across the room. Maybe awkwardness was the proper noun with which to describe the tension she felt pulled taut between them. If she could even assume it was a reciprocated tension in the first place, that is. She certainly felt it—choking the air around her like a thick and unwanted layer of dust. But… Gilbert hadn’t necessarily shown any discomfort at the sight of her. He’d backed off on making his usual snide comments or witty remarks, yes, but she wasn’t positive that it was because he was playing an angle or if he genuinely thought it better to leave her alone.  

Nevertheless, it made Anne’s gut twist uncomfortably. And because the whole school seemed to already know what had transpired the previous afternoon, she loathed to even look in his direction let alone exchange their usual haughty comments. She had, in not so many words, been avoiding him for the entirety of the school day—ducking out of shared classes with all the speed of a bulleting train and keeping her line of vision pinned straight ahead even when she felt his warm honey gaze settle on the side of her face.

This, of course, did not escape the notice of her ever so nosy classmates. In fact, the fervent silence between the two known rivals after such an unexpected public display of affection had only caused an even deeper upset among her peers. Anne liked to think she had learned to never underestimate the might of a small town’s grape vine, but she certainly hadn’t expected such… such backlash from one simple spontaneous moment in time.

To walk through the hallways of her familiar high school and notice the boisterous noise of groups dwindle around her felt much like her early days in Avonlea—except this time, instead of having smacked the town’s golden boy with a heavy textbook, she’d kissed him. And apparently that warranted an even more uproarious reaction.

Anne pushed through the crowd of students and scrambled to her locker—head down in an attempt to ignore the whispers around her. She’d thought that, after three and a half years, she had moved past the days of being an outcast; past the days of being a subject of interest on nearly every one of her classmate’s tongues.

Apparently she’d been wrong. All this time they’d only been hiding in the shadows, waiting for the precise moment she did anything out of the ordinary, so that they could pounce.

As she exchanged binders and textbooks with what had been stacked neatly in her locker, she was so thoroughly enveloped in her own vortex of thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the tall and skinny figure approach her.

“Anne,” the figure said. And despite the familiar trill of the voice, she startled, nearly slamming her fingers in the locker as she’d closed it.

“Dammit, Cole,” she hissed, but there was a smile beneath it.

She turned to her friend, a feeling of ease settling on her shoulders as it always had around Cole Mackenzie. He was leaning against the lockers with his hands wrung loosely around the straps of his backpack and his familiar blue eyes were warm with affection. After a moment, Anne realized there was a dark smudge just under his right eye—more than likely a result of wiping at his face after working with charcoal or graphite. A quick glance at his smeared hands confirmed just as much.

“You’ve got art on your face,” she said, gesturing at her own as a way to show him.

He released a breathy laugh before using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe it off. “Sorry I wasn’t able to get here sooner, I got caught up in class.”

Anne snorted despite herself. “Sure you did,” she said. “Keep acting like you weren’t flirting with that new exchange student.” She twisted her mouth into a feigned look of utter despair, “You left me to the wolves.”

Cole laughed as she schooled her features back to their normal, friendly state and swung her bag around her shoulder. She entwined her hand with his as they made their way in the direction of the cafeteria.

He fixed her with a faux imperious look. “I was only showing Gabriel the precise way of shading. Charcoal is a difficult medium to work with.”

“Don’t tell me,” Anne lowered her voice, acting as though what she was about to say was an absolute scandal, “You stood behind him and guided his hand with your own, heart pounding against his back as he leaned into you.” She caught at her chest with her free hand, “Oh, how romantic! ” she squealed, much louder than she’d meant to. A few students looked in their direction.

An exasperated laugh burst from her friend’s lips and he squeezed her hand lightly. “Not so loud, Anne.”

She shrugged. “People are gay, Cole. They can get over it.”

Cole wasn’t necessarily closeted. It was a pretty well-known fact within their friend group that he was very much homosexual—you have one conversation with him and he just couldn’t hold back his flamboyancy— but the world was still filled with small-minded bigots. And in a small town like the one they lived in, it was easier just to keep the knowledge of his sexual preference to a minimum.

“I suppose this means our vow to marry one another is broken,” she continued forlornly. It was a joking promise they’d made to one another when they were fifteen and certain they’d be deemed outcasts forever—no one but each other to lean on.

Of course, she’d had Diana. Beautiful Diana. But there were many things Anne experienced that her beloved best friend just couldn’t understand. Diana was popular, beautiful, a glittering star among the backdrop of the night sky—something with which Anne found little to no relatability being the scrawny ostracized girl that she was. But Cole’s friendship allowed a quiet solace; a person who knew what it was like to feel unwanted and unpopular.

Cole snorted. “You broke it first,” he said, “What do Gilbert Blythe’s lips feel like?”

Anne nearly tripped over her own two feet, having briefly forgotten the mess she’d gotten herself into. She snapped her head to look at the tall boy beside her and fixed him with a desperate glare. The look on his face was nonchalant, but she knew he was dying with curiosity.

“Why’d you have to bring that up?” she said, unable to help the whiny tone that had weaved itself into her words.

Cole clucked his tongue. “You left me on read last night. You deserve it.”

“I think I’ve gotten punishment enough,” she replied, a frown twisting at her lips. “It’s all anybody can talk about when they see me.”

He looked at her. “Anne. You kissed Gilbert Blythe . ”

“Yes, I know what I did.”

“Gilbert. Blythe.”

Anne unlatched her hand from Cole’s and threw her arms up exasperatedly. “Can people stop saying his name as if I don’t know who he is!?”

They turned down a slightly less crowded hallway, taking a shortcut they’d found halfway through their freshman year. “Can you stop brushing it off like it’s no big deal?”

“It isn’t a big deal.” Anne grumbled.

He ignored her. “How’d it happen anyway?”

There was a tearing feeling in her stomach—indecision on if she should tell him the truth of the matter or not. The small part of her brain that was hung on Gilbert’s earlier suggestion rioted at her to choose not.

It won. “It just—happened. Okay?”

Cole screwed his nose up. “What does that even mean? ” he said. “What, did you just randomly see him and say ‘fuck it, I’mma give into the three years of overwhelming sexual tension’ and decide to eat his face off?”

Anne blanched at him, stopping dead walk in the middle of the hallway. “Sexual tension?” she sputtered. “Have you been talking to Jane?”

Cole released a light laugh at the expression on her face. “No, but I’m not surprised she feels the same way. Everybody does.”

“I hate it here.” Anne said sadly, mouth turning down at one corner. What a piteous thing to confuse hatred with sexual desire. Because certainly— certainly —Cole and Jane were wrong. There was absolutely no sexual tension between her and Gilbert Blythe. None whatsoever. And she was positive in the fact that there never would be.

“Drama queen.”

“How observant of you,” Anne replied, beginning to make her way down the hallway again. “It’s as if we’re friends. Almost like you know me.”

Her blonde companion snorted, but followed after her.

“Apparently not,” he continued vexingly. “Not if you’re sucking face with Gilbert frickin’ Blythe.”

“Cole, I love you, I really do. But if you don’t shut up right this very moment, I will not hesitate to murder you.”

“Anne—“

“I’m serious,” she said, “I live on a farm—lots of sharp tools at my disposal, Mackenzie. Don’t push me.”

He laughed—a short and exasperated release of breath. “Has anybody ever told you you’re kinda scary when you want to be?”

She glanced over to where he was matching her stride beside her, smiling crookedly and impishly.

Cole’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Please don’t flash me your murder eyes. It gives me the creeps.”

Reaching across the space between them with her arm, she patted his shoulder lightly. “Good.”

They lapsed into casual conversation then, walking quickly the rest of the way to the cafeteria and occasionally bumping each other’s shoulders teasingly. She really did appreciate Cole, she decided. Well, she’d always appreciated him—but unlike the rest of her companions, he never pushed her to talk about the things he knew she was most uncomfortable with. Teased her relentlessly maybe—okay, certainly —but he always, always, knew when enough was enough.

As they passed through the metal-doored threshold of Avonlea High’s sorry excuse for a cafeteria, (even their library was larger than the sparsely decorated area—hardly even eight long tables adorning the length of the walls and smaller rounded ones few and far between) Anne startled at the absolute terror she was faced with.

Being such a small school, the majority of the senior class was pushed into the same lunch schedule. Meaning all the kids she’d grown with for the past few years—all the classmates that knew most definitely about Anne’s adamant hatred towards one Gilbert Blythe—paused fractionally when they noticed her fiery mane out of the corners of their eyes.

Anne’s heart rate kicked up, stomach twisting painfully as the cafeteria quieted ever so slightly and heads swiveled to gawk at her.

She felt Cole’s hand squeeze hers. “Christ,” he mumbled beside her. “They really don’t have any lives do they.”

She snorted, eased slightly by his encouraging and easy-going presence. “Our school doesn’t even have a total of five-hundred students. This is probably the most exciting thing that’s happened since you showed sophomore year and Billie Andrews made it his mission to torment you.”

Her friend winced. “Don’t remind me.”

“Shit, sorr—“

“Anne!”

The breath that had frozen in Anne’s chest upon realizing the upset she’d caused when first entering the cafeteria thawed the rest of the way at the familiar cadence of Diana’s voice. She could see her friend’s veil of dark hair, her infectious smile big and bright as she stood from their usual table tucked in the far corner of the room. The rest of her friends, still sitting, waved to her gregariously.

Friends, Anne reminded herself. Those are your friends and not even the disastrous evening before and whatever trouble Gilbert Blythe insights next can take them away from you.

She felt a warm smile tug at her lips as she moved toward the familiar corner, pulling Cole behind her as she went. But as she got closer, doubt crept into her mind. She saw the nervous glances Tillie, Jane and Ruby exchanged with one another—however miniscule they might have tried to make them seem. The scrunch of Diana’s nose, bringing her hand down from her enthusiastic wave and rubbing at a non-existent itch. Anne recognized it immediately as her bosom friend’s nervous tick.

Her steps slowed as she approached the table, nearly causing Cole to stumble into her from where he’d been following behind. Josie Pye—she was sitting straight backed, arms folded across her chest and an accusing glare flashing in her blue eyes.

Oh no.

Now this— this was the part she’d forgotten all about. Josephine Pye and her ridiculous aversion to amiable conversation. Her insufferable adamance on making Anne’s existence appear as a show for all the school to see. Josie fancied herself a puppet master, tugging at the strings on Anne’s back from the very first moment they’d met. And though a tedious friendship had developed between the two over the last few years, some things just never changed.

“Hey,” Anne squeaked out, instantly noticing how guilty she already sounded. She winced, sat stiffly on the stool across from her friends.

Cole rolled his eyes and plopped down beside her, shoved his bookbag towards the end of the table and folded his artist hands in front of him as he leveled Josie with a shockingly protective gaze.

“There will be absolutely no mentions of a certain happening with a certain someone taking place at a certain time yesterday afternoon, got it?” His voice left no room for discussion.

Diana nodded eagerly, reaching across the table and giving Anne a sympathetic squeeze of the hand. Jane pursed her lips, obviously wanting to say something, anything, about the unfinished conversation the girls had all had in the car that morning—but seemed to think better of it. Tillie and Ruby, always the more soft spoken of the group, simply sat quietly, glancing between Cole and Josie, the latter of which had narrowed her eyes in an obvious challenge.

The blonde grenade snapped her eyes to Anne instead. “I think that—“

“No.” Anne said icily, surprising herself. She’d never been one to overtly challenge Josie. But after dealing with Royal Gardner and Gilbert Blythe and every single pair of eyes that had followed and judged and questioned her all morning, she’d had enough.

She cleared her throat, “No,” she tried again, less hostile this time. “We will not be discussing the kiss because it’s my business and I owe absolutely nobody an explanation.”

“Periodt,” chimed Cole, snapping his fingers. Diana giggled, attempting to smother it with her hand but failing rather obviously.

Tillie’s eyes had turned wide as saucers. “So it’s true? You and Gilbert kissed?”

“Of course it’s true, I saw it with my own two eyes.” Josie snapped, “And obviously—“

“Josie, Anne literally just said we weren’t discussing it.” Diana huffed. It was the most annoyed Anne had ever seen her act with Josie—it made her want to tackle her best friend in a hug. “Please just drop the subject, okay? If she wants to explain herself then she will.”

“Must I repeat myself?” Cole raised an eyebrow at the blonde dragon across from him who was just barely containing the angry smoke Anne was sure to pore from her nostrils.

“Please,” replied Jane, amused.

“Periodt!” And he gave another flamboyant snap of his fingers.

Josie rolled her eyes imperiously. “You guys are dumb,” she said to the snickering gaggle of girls beside her, then she faced Anne again. “Look, I’m not one to really care all that much about your romantic life—“

Cole opened his mouth to protest but without even glancing his way, Josie cut herself off and snapped, “Shut it, Mackenzie.”

He raised his hands in the universal sign of defeat.

“But as your friend,” loosely Anne had to bite back from commenting as Josie continued, “I worry about what this means for your… reputation.”

“Oh, for the love of god, Josephine Pye. We’re in high school, not running for the frickin’ electoral college. I promise you, me kissing somebody is not that deep.”

Did any of them have lives?

A throat cleared beside her—Cole’s. “I mean,” he said quietly, “it kind of is when you’ve vowed to hate said kissee for the rest of your days. ‘So long as you bring air into your lungs’ I believe were your exact words.”

Anne snapped her head over to her traitorous friend, one who’d not moments ago was just defending her.

“Whose side are you on?”

“The gays,” he said solemnly. And then, upon seeing Anne’s unamused look, “Joking, joking—I mean, not joking obviously, but… Look, Anne. As overdramatic as Josie is being—“ said girl harrumphed impertinently, “—Everybody and their mother knows how much you hate Gilbert. I’ll fight tooth and nail for you, girl, but this whole situation is questionable in the least.”

“I just want you to know,” began Anne, “How much I hate all of you right now, nevermind Gilbert.”

“Hey!” Tillie protested, “I haven’t done a single thing besides ask if the rumor was true in the first place.”

“Tillie Boulter with-holding.”

Jane opened her mouth, “I—“

“You’re on thin fuckin’ ice, Jane Andrews.”

Anne was so incredibly and entirely tired of this entire situation. So much for not talking about it… God, she should just out and admit the reasoning already. Clear the air, make sure that everybody knew it was a farce. A ploy to get Roy Gardner to finally leave her alone.

Who was she kidding anyway? Even entertaining the idea that Gilbert had planted in her head earlier that morning was absolute insanity. Them? Dating? Imagine the uproar then. If her classmates were so nosy as to be absolutely entranced by the fact that they simply kissed, imagine if they announced they were dating .

Oh dearest Snow Queen, she asked of her longest comfort, What would you do?

She set her jaw then, determining it was time to come clean. “Listen, guys. Gilbert and I didn’t actually—“

“Anne?”

She froze. Didn’t blink. Didn’t take a single breath for what felt like a solid thirty seconds. Her friends all startled to look behind her, Cole craning his neck to meet the gaze of probably the absolute last person Anne wanted to see right then.

“Roy!” Diana chirped with false cheer. Her eyes flit between Anne and the monstrous cad that stood behind her, betraying the panic she felt on behalf of her best friend. “I thought you had B lunch?”

Anne refused to turn around, still frozen as she watched, horrified, as all her friends looked at each other confused and curious.

“Well, I did. But the adviser decided to switch some of my classes around. She thought it would be best if I stayed with the rest of the senior class even if British academia didn’t quite meet up with American—Anne, are you trying to hide?”

She was, she totally, full-heartedly was. She’d sunk into herself, almost as if she were trying to allow the lunch table to swallow her whole.

“Anne, sit up ,” Josie hissed at her. Was she—god, was she batting her eyelashes at the boy behind her? The boy in which Anne could very clearly feel inching closer to her with every second she didn’t acknowledge him?

She took a deep breath, turned around in her seat finally for fear that he might reach out and touch her, place his disgustingly delicate and nimble hand on her shoulder. “Roy,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hullo.” Roy replied, probably smiling in a way he thought was enormously charming. “Your dress is quite beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the one wearing it, I might say. Almost .”

Oh, for the love of all that is good and— He was insufferable. Anger, white hot and immediate bubbled in her blood.

“What do you want?” She said, rather bluntly. Cole elbowed her in the arm, shot her a confused look. I’ll explain later, she hoped her face portrayed to him.

Diana, ever the mediator, cleared her throat. “Royal. These are my friends. Tillie, Ruby, Jane, Josie, and Cole.” Cole watched him hesitantly, the girls all exchanged giddy glances. “Of course, you already know Anne.”

“How could I ever forget.”

Anne had to resist the urge to feign a gag.

“Anyways. Guys, this is my cousin Royal.”

“Roy. Call me Roy,” he said. But he didn’t even glance at them, his eyes were trained solely on Anne’s. And Anne rather wanted to punch him in his obnoxiously pert nose.

“It’s nice to meet you, Roy—“ Ruby had begun, but the miscreant cut her off, paying sweet Ruby no attention.

“Anne, I was hoping we might talk?”

Anne clenched her jaw, fought to keep from squeezing her eyes closed in exasperation at the sheer audacity Roy had to even ask that of her.

Right. This was why she’d entertained Gilbert’s plan. This was why she had desperately kissed him. Because Royal Gardner had no boundaries and despite being related to her best and closest friend, every moment spent in his presence was a moment she knew she’d never get back.

“Talk,” she said stiffly. She stood up, grabbed a confused Cole’s hand and yanked him up beside her. “But make it fast because Cole and I still haven’t had a chance to get in the lunch line.”

“I am… so confused.” Anne heard one of the girls say behind her. Diana shushed her.

“Privately? Perhaps?”

She was seriously going to punch this boy in the face. Like, actually. Right there in front of everybody.

“Privately?” Anne snapped coldly, her fury like fire in her veins. She stepped around him, cornered him to the table, making sure her back was to the rest of the cafeteria. Too many rumors were already circulating around her. If she caused a scene, lord knew she’d never come back from it. “Are you joking?”

She saw Cole step back from the corner of her eye, scuttle to the other side of the cafeteria table with the girls. All their eyes were wide and unsure of what to make of the situation.

“Anne, there’s no need for such hostility. I was just trying to—“

“Deliberately make her uncomfortable?” a new voice chimed in from behind her. There was an unrecognizable hardness to it, incongruous to all of the other times she had heard it before. Across from her, her friends' eyes widened impossibly, gazes landing on the new addition to the already intolerable conversation.

Anne could feel as all the eyes in the cafeteria turned toward them, a sure spectacle to behold.

She watched as Roy’s jaw hardened, eyes trained behind her with a new intensity as he tracked the movements of Gilbert Blythe lazily sidling up beside Anne.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of properly meeting,” Gilbert said as he threw an arm around Anne’s shoulders. She had to fight to keep from stiffening up, knew what he was doing, knew exactly what game he was playing at as he pulled her closer to his side and tucked her neatly beneath his arm. And while her blood boiled at his intrusion, at the audacity he had to come running in like he thought he was  some god-awful knight-in-shining-armor, at the way her friends’ expressions all changed immediately—all smirking and knowing and not nearly as surprised as she thought they’d be—the smallest part of her was relieved.

Relieved.

Like she’d still been gunning for that stupid, ludicrous plan that Gilbert had blabbered on about that very morning to actually work. Which in itself was most positively and unmitigatedly not going to happen in a million—

“Right. Is this him then?” The accusation in Roy’s voice broke Anne from her spiraling thoughts, solidifying the situation she was in. There, in front of all of her friends and essentially the entire senior class, she was facing off with one of the most impudent males she’d ever had the displeasure of meeting.

And, lord above, Gilbert Blythe of all people was the only person with the ability to make Roy leave her alone.

“Just a few months.” His words pinged around in her mind, “We get Royal and Winnie off our backs. And then we never have to deal with each other outside of class again .”

She scowled, resisting the urge to fidget beneath Gilbert’s arm. The heat radiating from his body where their sides were pressed flush together was rather difficult to ignore. She felt as though she could feel it fuse with her blood, travel through her veins and warm her cheeks, her toes, clog up her lungs.

“Is this who?” Anne replied, her scowl deepening.

“The boyfriend. The reason I can’t pursue you… or so you say.”

A choking sound came from her group of friends, though she absolutely refused to look in their direction. She was positive that the fire she felt across her cheeks no longer had anything to do with Gilbert’s body heat.

Roy raised a single brow when she opened her mouth, snapped it back shut immediately—a fish floundering on dry land. Gilbert’s arm tightened around her shoulder, probably meant to be comforting, reassuring, but it only made her want to elbow him in the side. The mortification leaching any and all relief she’d previously felt by his presence.

“I—uh,” she stuttered. Oh god, ohgodohgodohgodohgod. How in the hell had she gotten herself into this situation?

“My god, he broke her,” she heard Cole whisper.

“Anne? You did tell me you had one, right?” Roy’s eyebrow was still raised, the brazen confidence leaking from every pore. She hated him, she decided. Hated him more than the curly haired boy whose arm was wrapped around her and whose current silence felt like a ticking time bomb.

“I did,” she replied, and to her utmost horror it came out weakly.

“As much as I love being talked about as if I’m not standing right here,” Gilbert interjected, and Anne wasn’t sure if he’d noticed it but his thumb had started rubbing tiny comforting circles where it rested on her upper arm, “Anne doesn’t owe you an explanation. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t owe you a damn thing. So whether she has a boyfriend or not—whether I’m that boyfriend or not—is none of your business.”

Woah.

Wait a minute, not woah , what the hell? Had he really said that? Had it really made her heart rate kick up in her chest at the way he’d not only defended her but her right to make her own choices without explanation?

Royal blinked, opened his mouth, closed it. But Gilbert ignored him, turned his head to face Anne. The expression on his face said It’s up to you , the small curve at the corner of his mouth added, Carrots.

She closed her eyes, counted one, two, before opening them back up and meeting Roy’s gaze.

God help her.

“Yeah, Roy,” she said, swallowed thickly, “Gilbert is my boyfriend."

[skaylanphear]

None of y’all are actually understanding The Puppeteer 2 (spoilers ahead)

Okay, so it’s been a LONG time since I’ve written any meta on this show. Mostly because a lot of episodes are now focused on things I don’t care so much about, BUT I was rather inspired by Puppeteer 2, especially since SO MANY PEOPLE seem to be missing the entire point of the episode.

Now, I’m not giving the writers of the show a ton of credit--they have their good and bad moments. But given the obvious budget of this episode as well as the sheer amount of dialogue, I think it’s pretty fair to assume at least some thought was put into this episode. 

So, first and foremost, there were a few points made during this episode.

Let’s start with the Wax Museum and why it’s so pertinent to this episode. The Wax Museum is made entirely up of celebrities. Though we have encountered Adrien and his status before, this is one of the most direct ways they could have drawn attention to it. There is a clear line in this episode--Adrien is a celebrity, his friends are not. Yes, the akumas had wax statues, but the victims and their akumas are not the same people, so to say.

So here we have an “honor” that is only ever granted to celebrities (wax figures) and we have Adrien coming in to work on his. But before that, we have a constant back and forth in the car as to why Marinette is even there--is she Adrien’s friend? His lover? Just a fan of wax statues? This is important because it is less a reflection of Adrien and Marinette’s characters as it is Marinette’s own, let’s say, psychological confusion over how she views Adrien. We’ve seen here make stupid, flustered claims about Adrien before, and these conversations are forcing her to face that head on, even if Adrien remains oblivious as always. 

During the conversation up to the top of the building, we are faced with more of this confusion. Namely, Adrien’s interpretation of his relationship with Marinette versus her own. Granted, Nino brings to light a lot of the problems, but he is less the cause so much as the vehicle with which Marinette’s own inability to be honest is being portrayed. Her behavior causes confusion, even if Adrien is unable to fully grasp that (which is all the more part of the problem). Alya, Nino, and Adrien are ALL responding to the issue of Marinette’s feelings in different ways, because THEY are confused as to what she actually wants and what they’re meant to be doing. Marinette says one thing and then backs out a moment later. As someone who recently went through something similar, my initial indecisiveness to admit my feelings to the person I liked caused a lot of back and forth confusion for the people I had told. Marinette’s situation has spiraled FAR beyond that, which is all the more reason we’re getting these vastly different interpretations as far as how her friends are meant to be reacting. The POINT is that her indecisiveness and timidity is confusing and this is becoming a problem. 

The other thing that I think is interesting in the following scene--which will lead me back around to my main point--is the fact that despite having come with Adrien to support him because the wax stuff is going to be long and boring, all his friends abandon him when he’s literally trapped in the vice of “celebrity.” Granted, Nino and Alya leaving is a bit of a device to move the plot forward, but Marinette also leaving kind of wraps the whole thing up in a neat bow. She’s supposed to confess and ultimately can’t. And instead of staying with Adrien as a good friend should despite her inability, she leaves as a flustered mess. 

Adrien is now alone, his hand clamped in a wax trap. In a lot of ways, this is extremely symbolic of his status as a celebrity and his friends not being a part of that. That Marinette left as a flustered mess only makes this worse, especially since she left him in a manner that is very similar to how a flustered fan might react if they become overwelmed. 

This is important because we’re now seeing a very clear implication that though she desires to know Adrien and has done many things to be a good friend to him, Marinette is still haunted by this “idea” of Adrien that she has that isn’t at all factual. And while I don’t think it’s celebrity worship, as some would argue, I do think that the metaphor of celebrity worship in this episode is a very good use of Adrien’s character. We are seeing that Marinette interprets Adrien in a light that is not entirely realistic, which doesn’t help anyone. 

This metaphor is only further expanded after her discussion with Tikki. While Tikki’s advice might seem helpful, what it really does is further support the notion that Marinette’s entire infatuation with Adrien is shadowed by false idealizations. She creates a persona to act as in order to communicate with him. She is literally creating a role for herself that she thinks will allow her to exist in Adrien’s, I guess, “proximity” so as to allow her to “get what she wants,” so to speak. She’s acting--as in, she’s lying. Just as much to herself, I think, as she is Adrien. 

And this whole thing is only made worse by Adrien’s “prank.” He symbolically becomes nothing more than a wax statue during the entire time that Marinette is playing her “role.” She even goes on a tangent about all the great characteristics he has as a statue, highlighting a lot of shallow aspects of why she’s attracted to him. Granted, I think there’s more to it than that (her feelings, I mean), but she’s so confused by the “more” that it’s hardly relevant if she can’t voice her feelings in the first place, beyond how “perfect” she thinks he is. 

Now, this is the “cringe” part of the episode that everyone is complaining about. But to be honest, I really didn’t think it was that bad. It clearly shows Marinette’s idealization of Adrien, as well as the “form” Adrien has within that idealization. That she said all the silly things she did (again, playing her role) and kissed him, while embarrassing, is wholly within her character. Given her tendency to fantasize on extreme levels, I think I’d be more surprised if she didn’t try to kiss Adrien’s wax statue. I get people are annoyed with Marinette constantly being the cause of bad things, or the butt of jokes, etc, but I don’t think that this situation is wholly unfounded given her personality. It was very in character for her to act that way, and I think it made a rather valid point about her feelings for Adrien. After all, she and Adrien may be “friends,” but they’re clearly not close enough for him to feel certain about what she really thinks of him, so she can’t be that close to him, which means there is a bit of shallowness on her side as far as her feelings, even is she would prefer it be different. 

Now, another complaint people have been voicing about the episode is “why can’t Marrinette have a tastefully handled confession like Chat?” And while a lot of you didn’t seem to realize this, the episode actually addresses that.

When Chat Noir flirts with Ladybug, she actually stops fighting to ask him how he so easily is able to express his feelings, because she has such a hard time doing the same thing. He responds with some line about how the people you care about should know how you feel, but the whole point of that episode was to illustrate the differences between Adrien and Marinette, and kind of explain why Marinette’s confession is so long in coming while Chat Noir has confessed, like, two or three times now.

For better or worse, Marinette’s inability to be honest about her feelings for Adrien is a huge conflict surrounding her character and has been from the beginning. Much bigger than Chat’s conflict over his feelings for Ladybug, which tend to be addressed in a more, let’s say, lighthearted manner than Marinette’s feelings for Adrien. Adrien is a very forthcoming person. He likes to think the best in people and is very honest about how he feels with almost anyone. And while I think he should probably re-evaluate the behavior he thinks is acceptable from other people, he mostly deals with any kind of conflict straight out. He doesn’t sit and stew like Marinette does, he doesn’t even waste time thinking about Chloe and Lila. Adrien would much rather think about the good than the bad. In fact, he would much rather ignore the bad (which is probably why he tried confessing so many times--likely hoping for a different outcome. Optimists, amiright?)

Marinette is NOTHING like this. She will sit and stew and plan and make herself anxious and scared and angry over things that would slide off Adrien’s back like water slides off ducks (thank you, Crowley). Marinette confessing is a much bigger roadblock because of this difference in their personalities. And it’s also why she gets all sweet on Chat for his reasoning behind why he can express his feelings so easily, because he makes it sound so simple, which is exactly what Marinette needs. Not overly complicated plans (Nino and Alya) or anything like that. She needs to be able to push back on her anxiety, walk up to Adrien, and just say it (much like how she kissed his cheek in the finale of the last season). No attempts made by her to confess will EVER succeed so long as there is any kind of convoluted plan surrounding it. 

The writers were literally giving the viewers a direct comparison between Adrien and Marinette as far as how they deal with their feelings and y’all missed it because you were too busy being mad. While Adrien overly simplifies situations--which can be both good and bad--Marinette is more likely to overly complicate things--which is also both good and bad. Where Adrien might fail to see how complex a situation is, Marinette will, whereas Adrien is able to make things simpler where Marinette cannot. You even see it in their fighting styles. Adrien ALWAYS goes for the obvious physical attack, while Marinette is the one to strategize. IT HAS BEEN A LITERAL PART OF THEIR PERSONALITIES FROM THE BEGINNING AND YOU ALL MISSED IT!     

The point of this episode was to illustrate Marinette’s issues with her feelings for Adrien, as well as draw comparisons between them so as to better understand why Marinette’s attempts to confess ALWAYS FAIL! 

Until Marinette can pull back enough to see Adrien less as a terrifying mountain to climb and more like a simple set of stairs, she will not be able to reach him. 

And that is the tea. 

[faelune-home]

(fanfic) “how the guiding light wavers”

(A/N: I’ve had this in the works for a few weeks now. I first brought it up in this long post I wrote to establish character stuff, but this is the work that will finally make me feel a bit more secure in writing for my miqo’te girl. I’m aware it all sounds convoluted and bizarre to fixate on a name like this, but it was something that bothered me, and I’m the one actually doing the writing for my own character, so I do hope that this fic finally makes writing easier.

But alongside the name stuff, it’s also a larger look at where Fhara is emotionally throughout Shadowbringers I suppose. A little bit of where she’s come from and where she’s been so far and where she stands before entering Endwalker, so there’s at least a little bit more to this fic than just name shenanigans. XD

Name shenanigans and heroic title woes and legacy musings. All wrapped up in a complicated bow. Aha. I’ll probably do more Scion interaction focused additions on Fhara’s woes and worries later, especially since I had some in the original fic only to remove them as it was getting way too wordy, but this is the main meat of those feelings here and now.

Strong spoilers for the ending Stormblood patches and Shadowbringers, more so 5.0 and then just fleeting mentions of patch stuff. Set after 5.3.

Word count: 4760

Ao3 link)

When she set out from her home for Eorzea’s shores, she had a goal; to become a hero, and make her name known across the world. To be known as someone great and powerful, with monsters big and small bested at her hand, yet also someone kind and helpful, saving people and making their life a little bit easier. A lofty goal, but one she figured could be done, one small step at a time. After all, every adventurer started small.

Little did she know that her forays in Eorzea would grant her her desires, at a much faster rate than she anticipated; she joined the Scions, with their close ties to the city leaders and their own aims to protect the realm, and in gaining a reputation as a primal slayer, became known as a fabled Warrior of Light. A type of hero normally assigned to legend. It was everything she could have wanted and maybe even more than she could handle. It was a heavy title, but one she wore proudly, all while continuing as she had originally planned.

Yet as time passed, the weight grew heavier. There was still pride and joy in doing the right thing for the sake of others, protecting the innocent from those that would do them harm, but at some point, in the midst of the fighting, torn between Ascians and the Empire, despite doing the same thing she always did, her thoughts would wander to her original purpose in undertaking this grand adventure.

To become a figure of whom stories would be told, for those stories to return to her home and inspire the younger children, much like the old tales had inspired herself. To teach them to do good, to do better, to help others, to be brave, to be kind. An idealistic idea but one she held fast to. And by all accounts, fighting under the Warrior of Light title aided her even further in another aspect of her plans; to allow her to step back from the world once all is done and know peace when she hung up her bow and settled down.

When she set out from her home, she was ‘Fufu’; an old childhood nickname she’d long outgrown in her village, with the exception of her aunt, repurposed for her heroic exploits until the Warrior of Light title seemed to do the job better. Then in Eorzea, in the comfort of those she came to call a second family, she could be Fhara again. And it was nice, comforting even. To know that others knew her as more than just her heroic title, and that the Rising Stones could feel like a home so far away from home.

A home that was always filled with the sound of laughter or chatter, always someone socialising with a friend or partner, or busy working, the Rising Stones had all the energy and joy within its walls that she knew from her home, even with all the group had been through. To find that joy stripped out, the halls empty of people as her dearest friends collapsed into lifelessness and everyone else was left to fill in for their missing teammates…

For Fhara, it left her with no-one. But the Warrior of Light still had work to do.

The Warrior of Light had faced down conquerors, defeated dragons, set free thousands from the shackles of tyranny. But Fhara had never been alone in her feats, always with her companions at her side, or standing strong behind her, keeping the way clear for her, ready to back her up.

The Warrior of Light would go on to face Zenos that day in Ghimlyt Dark, the whispered tales from young inexperienced soldiers speaking how she almost pushed him back single handedly, with the famed Azure Dragoon jumping into the fray to assist her. In truth, Fhara stood alone on that battle field, facing a barely weakened, Ascian possessed corpse, the collapsed figures of her resistance comrades strewn behind her, she kept going until she herself blacked out under mysterious circumstances, only surviving by Estinien’s timely arrival.

Her recovery in Ishgard started her thinking, mixed in with the anxious waves of the mysterious caller’s words. The Warrior of Light would ever be revered for their acts, but as a single entity. Whereas Fhara, while capable on her own, worked best with a team, with her friends by her side. Working out a plan of attack together, or simply knowing they were there with her gave her strength. Yet standing on the field that day, the only thing giving her the strength to fight on was the desire to protect others, for if the Ascian controlling the fallen crown prince made it past her, Eorzea would no doubt suffer.

Then a stray thought...what gave her the strength to start doing all of this in the first place? What was her drive to begin with? It seemed so long ago…

‘Fufu’ had come all the many malms from a small village on the outskirts of Thavnair to become a hero, one that would have bard songs made about her for the sake of children’s tales. But the Warrior of Light had ultimately taken on that role. So what was the point of continuing to call herself ‘Fufu’ to the public? Was it just a habit by that point? A desire to hide herself behind an identity that both was and wasn’t her? After all, it was a nickname that had long been associated with her, and in the absence of any other ideas for an alias to call herself - oft teased as she was for her poor imagination for naming things - she had fallen to the easiest idea of her old childhood moniker.

Maybe it was time to move on from such childish notions? Her thoughts were neither bitter nor certain. The questions merely buzzed in her head as she left them unanswered.

She left the city with her golden hair cropped, a request asked of Jandelaine, met in passing before she left Ishgard behind her.

“It is a shame,” he’d said at the sight of her shorn twintail, the other loose from the hair tie, matted with blood and dirt, “But I can tidy it up and it’s like it never happened. A return to beauty and grace, just say the word.”

She could’ve kept it the same, and continued on as normal. But instead it was all gone. Because maybe a fresh start was what she needed?

~*~*~

The First was not a fresh start. At least not one Fhara was expecting. A land on the cusp of destruction, perpetually bathed in an unnatural eerie light, the people hunted by Sin Eaters, suffering either death or a torturous transformation in turn. She very quickly learned how terrifying, how desolate some corners of the land of Norvrandt could be, and she could well understand why, if people were living in such conditions.

Her first port of call in the strange new land was the oddly familiar gleaming tower, a recognisable pillar even against the hazy glowing sky. And within was the enigmatic Crystal Exarch, ready to greet her with open arms.

She had mixed feelings about the Exarch, on many points; having Called her friends and left their lifeless bodies back on the Source in an uncertain state, or even that Calling them was an accident in itself, since she herself was meant to be the target gave her no end of frustration toward the man. Even then with the knowledge that he hadn’t intended to summon the other Scions, the idea that he had wanted her to act alone in saving the First was one Fhara couldn’t help but balk at. 

Of course she was willing to help, she couldn’t stand seeing people suffer while she knew she could do something. But to think she would be able to handle the work singlehandedly was pure folly. In that way, perhaps it was a small relief then that she had the Scions to help her, unintentional was their presence on the First. Even with the uncertainty surrounding their summoning and the state of their separated selves, she at least had her friends and teammates with her.

However it was his first impression beyond his summoning mishaps that stuck with Fhara and kept her uneasy around the man; no sooner had she arrived at the gate, he had welcomed her past his wary gate guard, quick to introduce her and settle her into the Crystarium. A warm welcome for sure, and not one she was ungrateful for, however the mix of familiar and unfamiliar in the man’s demeanor made her cautious. 

That he knew her so well, so casually referred to her as ‘Fufu’ before she had even introduced herself, how comfortable he seemed while using it - hand waved away as him learning it from old records stored within the Tower, a name used in tandem with the Warrior of Light title, although it reignited her recent troubled thoughts on her public identity - while she knew nothing about him, that not even his own people could say much of him did nothing to ease her. Every factor together had her wanting to keep the Exarch at arms length. She would do as he asked - save the First, bring back the Light, prevent another Calamity from decimating the Source - and in return, he would return her friends’ home. That was all that was needed.

Of course, things would never be that simple.

In a land ravaged by Light for 100 years, a Warrior of Light was considered a heathen, a villain that had doomed them all. Instead, the people hoped and prayed for a Warrior of Darkness to be their hero. And so Fhara, with the starlit sky returning in the wake of her arrival, would become that hero.

Fhara didn’t want to say she hated it, however the dizzying speed with which the title and the stories spread was a shock to the system, moving even quicker than her reputation as the Warrior of Light had grown on the Source. She couldn’t blame the people for their enthusiasm, especially when the hero of legend’s arrival coincided with the return of the night after a century without.

She didn’t hate it. But she found herself seeking the comfort of her closest friends more often than she used to before. She knew they weren’t looking at a grand hero, but just Fhara, who stood up to answer the call. And they stood with her. As the days would pass on the First, rarely was she without a Scion by her side, only truly left alone in the comfort of her inn room, and even then, the wayward spirit of Ardbert was a presence she didn’t resent.

The days would pass, and the night returned across the land, and beyond the walls of the Crystarium, away from the crowds of people that would revere a hero, through pixie flower beds and dense forests ever shaded from the skies, and into desert ruins of a civilisation long lost-

“Welcome aboard, Ryne.”

Fhara had seen the young Oracle struggle under the weight of her legacy, the expectations of her duty to protect and act as a beacon of hope for the people of Norvrandt, while also living in Minfilia’s shadow by virtue of her name and powers. Fhara could empathise with the young girl, having long known the feeling of so many people relying on her and her own more recent doubts that she could live up to those hopes. She kept trying all the same, as she knew the Oracle would as well, for it wasn’t in Fhara’s nature to give up if she could do something.

But now, seeing the newly christened Ryne standing with a fresh air of confidence about her, her only nerves being about doing a good job for the sake of the team and helping relinquish Amh Araeng from the grip of the Light, Fhara was proud of the girl for her new lease on life.

Yet also a tiny bit jealous, that all it took was a name and a declaration to do better by herself for the girl to suddenly be brimming with courage, whereas Fhara fretted and frayed and languished under a gifted moniker, calling herself by her childhood name and then acting as though it were her only option, that she had no other choice...but was it always that simple? To just announce to the world you could be born anew yet still the same person?

Perhaps it wasn’t exactly the solution Fhara was looking for, but it was an idea towards a resolution for her woes. After all, she wasn’t trying to begin fresh like Ryne, Fhara just wanted to be Fhara, as she always had been. It was just trying to express that to the world at large.

It was only when the Light she had been capturing within herself finally overpowered her and left her weakened and stumbling, sitting at death’s door, did it finally seem to become clear to her. So rarely before had she gotten so close to death that she had never thought so closely about what she would leave behind, or who would remember her and how. The people of Norvrandt knew the Warrior of Darkness, Eorzea knew the Warrior of Light and the Scions knew Fhara. And if she died that day that would be the memory she would leave behind. 

Yet she realised, lying in her inn room, she didn’t want to just be remembered as a hero under a title, or by a name that most of her nearest and dearest scarcely used. She wanted to be remembered as Fhara, at least if it were possible.

She’d certainly made the attempt to introduce herself as such during their travels across the realm, but with how quickly people came to know her as the Warrior of Darkness, she feared that her attempts were being drowned out. However before their ascent of Mt Gulg, as the crowds gathered from across the land to assist them, she found that they knew her as Fhara, and they would talk to her, and they wished all the Scions the best of luck. And among a small few, the Warrior of Darkness was not a title solely attributed to her, but to all of her friends.

It was nice. A reassuring gesture that her efforts were noticed. Even as she stumbled her way to the deepest depths of the seas in pursuit of Emet-Selch - keenly aware that if she failed, she would be dooming the First and her fellow Scions along with her - she held onto that knowledge. After all her worries, it was an odd source of courage for her, bolstered by her desire to survive, and the understanding that she wasn’t alone in her duty.

Altogether her feelings gathered, and in the face of death and her desperate wish to live, and her wish to be known for more than her heroic tales, she made her decision. She’d never been afraid to make the first step before, not even into the unknown. She’d come all the way to Eorzea on a whim and a want, and faced almighty foes more powerful than herself with nothing more than the determination to protect those that could not fight back.

If she lived through this fight, she would cast aside her anxieties, and take that first step again.

~*~*~

Fhara wasn’t the type to call meetings, she was the type to attend someone else’s meeting. And yet the majority Scions were gathered in the Rising Stones, with the miqo’te standing at the head of the pack, nervously shuffling her feet. What few Scions that weren’t accounted for were assured to be updated afterward.

She ran her fingers through her hair, no doubt to calm some nerves, although the action drew the attentions of the group members that had only seen her sparingly during her otherworldly adventures; since last they had seen her, she’d left for the Crystal Tower with a short crop, still wearing her tattered and torn bard coat, an uneasy smile on her face as though more to reassure those around her than because she genuinely felt like her hopeful self. Yet each time she returned to report to Tataru with updates, she was a brighter figure, with a spring in her step as she relayed the progress on the First, and her hair would grow out slowly to the feathered bob she now wore. It wasn’t quite the cute twintails they’d known her for when they joined, but she looked all the more confident nowadays with it.

She finally started, with a loud voice, albeit one that cracked as though there was still some anxiety holding her back, “I have something I want to say. Something I’ve been thinking about for a long while now and that I want to be clear on moving forward.”

Any mumbling between parties silenced immediately. Fhara’s tail flicked at the now heavy hush, however some encouraging gestures from the figures at the front most row - some few nods and a thumbs up here and there - allowed her to continue, “Thank you for being here. Truthfully, some people here already know what I’m gonna talk about. But I’d rather make it clear to everyone now. This whole thing might sound rather silly to some people, that I’m worrying over nothing. Some of you might even say that if it means so much to me, then it’s not such a trivial thing. And I appreciate that, I do.”

She hesitated, ears suddenly flattening. “To cut out a long story, when I came to Eorzea, and when I joined the Scions and became known as the Warrior of Light, I told everyone here they could call me Fhara. It’s who I am after all. But outside where people would know the Warrior of Light better, then they should call me ‘Fufu’. That’s still technically me, it's an old name I was called as a child. And it’s the name I chose for travelling because...I suppose the easiest way to put it is that I wanted to separate my private life, if I ever chose to return home, from my adventure life. But lately with everything that happened and with a lot of the dangers getting so much bigger than even the Warrior of Light I just started to worry about who I really was and what I was doing.”

“Like how? You seem the same to me?” Aenor spoke up, ignoring the disapproving nudge from her frowning sister.

“I mean, I hope I do,” Fhara smiled, although it was more wistful looking than pleasant, “I never tried to pretend to be someone I’m not, no matter where I was or who I was with, or what name people called me. But I started thinking I was getting lost with myself, like people were seeing two different people with me.” Her tail flicked again. “I should say now, I don’t hate being the Warrior of Light. A lot of people try to project that I’m frustrated with it or that I could be doing better with a title like that, but none of that is true. I don’t hate it. But it’s hard. People have big hopes and expectations for me when they treat me like that, and I’ll always try to reach them, but it’s not always easy to do alone. So truly, I’m forever grateful to have you all with me at my side.”

Casting a glance over the Archons and the twins, Fhara continued, her voice somehow smaller, “But when the Callings happened, and then everyone else here was stretched to take over the work, and this place was left empty so much, I...well, as senseless as it might sound, I felt alone. But I still had a job to do, but doing it alone was hard. Because everyone else knew this brave warrior that could handle anything, and I didn’t feel like that at all.” The quiet admission brought about guilty whispering rippling through the group, until a sharp cough from F’lhaminn hushed them again.

“T’was never our intent to make you feel as though you had no-one to lean on,” the older woman said, “Especially during such a time when our own were falling out of commission. But then it was precisely such a time that we all struggled to balance the work that needed to be done, and to fill the gaps left behind. If that struggle left you without support, then that would be our failing, and for that we would owe you our sincerest apologies.” The mumblings rose once more, letting out a small chorus of “sorry”s and “‘pologies”. 

Fhara gave the woman a grateful nod then added, “I understand, I do. And I didn’t say that to call out anyone here, but I won’t deny that a lot of people across the realm talk about me in such grand ways because of the work and feats I’ve done, and it’s hard to feel like I’ve lived up to their stories. In that sense, being on the First kind of helped; it was a fresh start where I could try again to do the hero thing, but in a lot of ways, it wasn’t, because the same thing that happened here on the Source happened there. People needed a hero, someone to help them, and I just became the Warrior of Darkness to answer that need, and that’s what most people knew me as. But it still gave me a chance to try and start afresh with myself, and now I feel better about where I stand. And I want to bring that feeling and those certainties back here.”

She didn’t mention Azem. Though the suggestion that Fhara may be related in some way to that Ancient had brought her more hazy feelings, she had insisted that none of that mattered. The final insistence had brought her here now, to her certain decision. She was herself, and she didn’t have to worry about being anything more.

She let in a deep breath, steeling herself as she said, “The Warrior of Light is here to stay and she’s the one that will go down in history, and I can’t change that. Not everyone in the world will know the real me beyond the heroes tales, and I can accept that. But at least on some level, I can try to let them understand me. And that can start with a name. A name can be lost to time, so I get that people in the future will never know Fhara. But the people here and now can, and that’s all I want.”

With a final, certain nod,  she declared, “So from now on, I’m Fhara. Not just inside these walls, but outside them as well. It took a lot more words to say that than it probably should have, but I hope you all understand it now.” Uncertain of how to finish her speech, she took the skirt of her purple dress, already wrung tight by her nervous hands, and gave a bow. There wasn’t an immediate response. It took another glance at the twins next to her, giving her comforting looks to ease the tension in her shoulders, until another voice spoke out from behind the group.

“‘At was a lot of words to get the message out, but it looks here that it meant a lot to ye to make it sure as sure fer us lot,” the crowd parted, and Riol nodded, looking satisfied, “I think I’ll speak fer us all when I say message received loud and clear.” Fhara’s eyes started to water as she looked around to assurances and smiles, and possibly unnecessary cheers from what sounded like one of the Boulder brothers, but it was acceptance nonetheless.

“Thank you,” she sniffed, trying not to actually cry, rubbing at her face, “I mean it. This all probably sounds really ridiculous and I’m overthinking everything but-”

“There shall be none of that,” Y’shtola interrupted, “None of that self-doubt at least. We’re here for you no matter what decision you wish to make for yourself. You of all people deserve the support, and we are all the more glad to provide it.”

Fhara’s ‘Thank you’ caught in her throat, all she could do was nod. The larger group dispersed, individuals coming up to give her more reassurances and words of comfort as they passed before continuing on to their work. Urianger took G’raha aside for a word, both men departing to Dawn’s Respite, leaving the rest of the archons and the twins by Tataru’s desk with Fhara.

“So that’ll be a weight off your shoulders then?” Alisaie asked. Fhara nodded, letting out a heavy breath and slumping forward with the effort.

“I was more nervous for that than I thought, and it was just in front of the other Scions. But I’m glad. I feel like that is a step towards feeling more like myself, even if I never really strayed from that in the first place...I think.”

Thancred let out a thoughtful hum, looking over her suddenly tired frame. “I’ll say you never changed much, but I can see the ease it’s brought you now. Although if this is you after telling people that knew your little secret, how will you be with others, I wonder?” He ignored the peeved expression from Alisaie next to him as he brought it up, especially when Fhara’s face became a picture of concern.

“Oh, we’ll probably have to tell the Alliance leaders. Or do we? Is this an official thing I have to report on? Is there a process for this?” Fhara asked, eyebrows furrowing. Was there more work needed in this decision that she hadn’t thought of? Was there paperwork?

“Not to worry, I can get some official missives written up and shipped out in a jiffy,” Tataru stated, giving Fhara a bright smile and a thumbs up. Fhara returned it with a relieved look of her own, and the receptionist hopped onto her chair and set to work.

“Honestly, knowing diplomatic types, we could just use your name normally as though it's always been used, and rather than risk a faux pas, the Alliance leaders would just go along with it anyways,” Alisaie suggested with a wry smile.

Alphinaud shook his head at the suggestion. “While I don’t doubt that that is possible, sister, I would prefer if we erred on the safe side and actually updated the Alliance. We don’t have to make a large fuss over the matter for Fhara’s sake, but at least informing them of the change would be better for the Scions’ standing with them in terms of open communication.”

Alisaie rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Of course, brother.”

“At the very least, Lyse is already familiar with you personally,” Y’shtola said, addressing Fhara once more, “Even should the rest of the Alliance falter or take time to adjust, she would be able to take charge on the matter and make the adjustment easier for all. You needn’t worry about being left alone to handle this.”

“Yes, that’ll help,” Fhara smiled, however her eyes then dropped to the floor, a worrisome look on her face once more.

“Thinking now about how many people I’d need to update or inform, it feels daunting already. I’m questioning now why I thought the whole alias thing would be a good idea.”

“Really now, it’s beginning to sound like you’re thinking of telling the whole realm. You’re going to worry yourself like that,” Alisaie huffed. However she then added with a softer tone, “You said it yourself that you won’t be able to change everyone’s perception of you. Many will know the Warrior of Light, and some few will know Fufu. The odds of you coming across every familiar face you’ve ever known after this will be slim. But if it does happen, you don’t have to explain yourself in any great detail. All anyone needs to know now is that you’re just Fhara.”

The words, simple as they were, brought a warmth to her chest. And surrounded by her closest friends, those that had been with her for most of her journey and through thick and thin, the idea of continuing on into the unknown ahead of them didn’t seem as daunting anymore.

“Just Fhara...I like that.”

And that was all she needed.

[carsontheleft]

One sentimental moment

Summary: Gwilym and Ben know each other through an app and set up strict boundaries for their relationship - sex only, no feelings. When Gwil is hurt, Ben needs to figure out what he really wants.

Pairing: GwilxBen

Comment: I want to dedicate this to you, @laminy. I realize that this piece of writing is not really worthy of being dedicated to someone of your talent, but I wanted to do it since it were your stories that got me into writing again after quite some time. ITBASM means so much to me, really, Rami and Joe’s place in London, the flat in Aber, the boys and their cats feel like family, like home to me. I can reread the series a million times and still not be bored, I always cry with them, laugh with them, want to hit them over the head when they’re being stupid. And your snippets are glorious! You manage to answer a range of various prompts and every single one of them is so well-crafted, so full of feelings, I’ve actually turned on the notifications for your blog so I’ll never miss a post. If this is wildly inappropriate, if you don‘t like this one-shot at all, please feel free to ignore it. This is just something I wanted to say (and yes, I totally missed the deadline from the Appreciate the Queen Creators Day...). This blog has like 2 followers but I wanted to get this out here. I hope I can show my appreciation this way, because your writing (and subsequently you?) just mean so much to me. I hope you can somehow enjoy this <3

//

When Ben’s phone rings he’s on his way to the hospital. The caller ID says Sex on LEGS and he has to bite down on his lower lip not to laugh. It’s what Gwilym described himself as on the app they met on and frankly, he’s not wrong.

“Hey Gwil.”

“Ben”, Gwil just says, his voice is deep and rough, sounding like he just woke up and it sends tingles down Ben’s spine, settling right into his crotch. “Listen, uh, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it tonight.”

“Oh.”

That isn’t what Ben has hoped for. He thought Gwil is calling him to set the mood for their, well not date exactly, but their date. He is an expert at driving Ben to edge and leaving him hanging there for the rest of the day until they finally met up in the evening.

“Yeah, I- I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you, I promise – ugh”, there’s a rustling of sheets in the background and Gwil groans slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just a cold, Ben, I’m okay, it’s just a bit… not sexy.”

Ben can see him scrunching his nose, frustrated about his inelegant choice of words and has to stifle his laughter again. He also has to hold back on the offer to come over and look after Gwil for a bit.

What they’re having isn’t like that. It’s not a relationship, they’re not dating, it’s just sex for the sake of it. Mind-blowing good sex. The best sex Ben’s ever had. But nothing more. They’re probably not even friends. Ben knows what kind of rope Gwil prefers to use, but not his favorite movie. He knows the size of condoms he needs, but not if he’s still friends with his mates from uni.

Ben made himself swear to not get hung up about it. They even have a contract about the nature of their arrangement that clearly states that, if one should catch feelings for the other, he’s to tell immediately.

But Ben doesn’t have feelings for Gwil. He just likes him in a regular way, only with the bonus that he loves Gwil when he gives Ben orgasms that make him feel like the world is exploding. And he just doesn’t want him to feel bad. Like a normal, decent person does with their acquaintances.

So, no feelings.

“Okay, alright. Then feel better soon. How ‘bout you just text me when you’re better and we can set up a date or something?”, Ben cringes a little, that sounds like he’s talking to some random dude from Ebay that wants to buy his old TV.

“I’ll do that. Have a nice day, Ben.”

“Yeah, you too. See ya!”

He hangs up and fights the urge to bash his phone through his skull. Smooth, Jones, real smooth.

 His cancelled date dampens Ben’s mood a bit when he visits one of his mates, who’s fallen down a ladder and managed to crack what seems like all of his ribs. But he’s trying not to let it show, tries to stuff it away and tells himself he’ll just have a cozy night in with a movie and some popcorn.

He’s leaving the hospital again when he spots a familiar figure limping down the street in front of him. It’s a bit embarrassing but no understatement to say that Ben would recognize the shape of this back, the long, slim legs and the warm hazel colored hair just about anywhere.

“Gwil?”, he calls running up to him and only now fully realizing that Gwil is using crutches, has a brace on his left knee and sports a generally disheveled look.

“Gwil!”

It takes Ben standing in front of him for Gwil to finally look up from his task of navigating himself through the busy street.

“Huh- Ben! Wha-What are you doing here?”

“What am I- Jesus, Gwil, why didn’t you tell me you were in the hospital?!”, Ben can’t stop himself from fretting, not with the way Gwilym looks. Angry red scabs are coating the right side of his face, just like his knuckles. The jacket he usually wears for running is torn up. There’s a flush to his face that indicates he really shouldn’t be out on the streets alone with whatever’s in his system.

“Well, I’m not. At the hospital, I mean”, the taller man indicates at the street with one of his crutches as clearly not the hospital, and stumbles forward when his legs don’t quite hold his weight.

Ben immediately steps forward to steady him with a tight grip on his shoulders, whereas Gwil tries for a dopey grin but winces when it painfully pulls at his road rash.

“Oh my god”, Ben mutters to himself. This is not okay, Gwil really shouldn’t be on his own right now. Fuck not caring, fuck this, them, being something akin a business partnership, this is more serious.

“Is someone picking you up?”

“I pointed at a guy and told the nurse he’s my roommate and here to pick me up.”

“And they just believed that? Without seeing you walk out together?”

Gwil shrugs and then hisses.

“She was busy”, he takes a deep breath and seems to sober up a bit. “But I can get home on my own, don’t worry Ben. It’s not long with the tube.”

“I know”, Ben frowns at him, then makes a decision. “I’ll take you home.”

“You don’t need to-“

“Consider it a service to myself, okay? ‘Cause I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight not knowing you made it home in one piece.”

Ben just plows over Gwil, because this aspect of him, this ‘I-don’t-want-to-inconvenience-you’-thing, that he knows and that he can handle.

“Okay.”

Gwil is surprisingly quiet, so Ben doesn’t waste any time and flags down a taxi and carefully maneuvers Gwil into it.

“How did this happen anyway?”, he asks after he’s given Gwil’s address to the driver.

“A cyclist ran me down yesterday morning. Ran a red light and right into me.”

“Shit, mate”, Ben bites his tongue, cursing his sheer stupidity. ‘Shit, mate’? Really? How much of an insensitive prick can one be?

Gwil doesn’t seem to notice his inner struggles, he’s closed his eyes, relaxing against the head rest.

“So, what did the doctors say?”

“That I’ve been lucky, he could’ve pushed me against another car or something. So it’s just scabs and bruises. They might operate on the knee, they wanted to see if it heals on its own first. Apparently, I’m young and fit enough for that to happen. Doesn’t feel like it at the moment”, Gwil scoffs. He’s kept his eyes closed while talking and Ben debates if he should let him sleep.

“Looks like it.”

He leaves it at that. Gwil dozes for the remainder of the drive while Ben keeps a watchful eye on him. It’s different to see him like this, soft and unguarded, for once not in full control of his surroundings.

But Ben doesn’t mind. Sure, having Gwil in control during sex, being able to let himself be completely at his mercy is nice, exhilarating even, but he finds he likes this too. Inside of him flutters the urge to care, to protect, something he would never have associated with Gwil, but it’s there and it nearly burns through the insides of Ben.

The taxi comes to a stop and Gwil startles awake, begins to look for his wallet or phone or anything to pay with, but Ben hands a few bills to the driver and climbs out of the car to help the other man getting out.

“So, ah, thanks for the ride, appreciate it. But please, don’t let me keep you, you were probably busy before you stumbled over me.”

“Actually, I’m not, took a few days off.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence and Ben can see the cogs turning in Gwil’s head as he figures out that Ben took time off to prepare for the evening they had planned and to recuperate from it.

His face turns apologetic and Ben uses his chance to butt in.

“Why don’t I help you settle in? Just get you comfortable with a cup of tea, you look like you need one.”

“I-“, Gwil is surprised by Ben’s sudden resolve and determination. “That’d be nice, thanks.”

 Ben knows Gwil’s flat, technically. He’s been inside multiple times; he knows the cracks on the ceiling of his bedroom and the feeling of his sheets. The dark blue towels are familiar to him and he knows that there’s a toothbrush in the mirror cabinet if he wants to use one.

But being in Gwil’s kitchen in daylight, looking for tea and mugs, it’s something else entirely. Somehow it fleshes Gwil more out, makes him more of a person, a real person. Not that he hasn’t been before, but there is a difference between knowing someone as the person that ties you to the bedpost and seeing the person’s collection of destination mugs.

It takes a bit of the mystery away, but Ben really doesn’t mind that. It may paint a whole other picture of Gwil, but he’d be lying if he didn’t find it endearing.

When the tea is done, Ben returns to Gwil who’s sitting on his sofa and looking uncomfortable.

“Here’s your tea. I’m not sure how you like it.”

“Thanks.” His smile is tight and there are some lines around his eyes that betray how much he’s hurting sitting up like this. Before Gwil’s struggle to reach the milk on the coffee table draws out, Ben intervenes.

“Here, let me.”

He adds a splash of milk and hands the tea over to Gwil.

“You know, you really don’t need to do this. I can get by on my own, there’s no reason you should feel obligated to take care of me, I don’t expect this from our relationship”, Gwil says after some quiet minutes where they just sipped their drinks. On second thought he adds: “And I’m not sure if that came up during the negotiation, but I’m not really a fan this playing doctor thing, or up for it, so-“

“Jeez, Gwil, it’s not like that!”, Ben cuts in before Gwil has the chance to make this even more awkward. It hurts bit to know that Gwil sees their relationship just as sex and not more of a personal connection, but Ben deems that his own fault. He wanted sex without the added trouble of a relationship, and he got just that.

“Am I not allowed to be a decent human being and to make sure you’re alright?”, Gwil doesn’t seem convinced at all, so Ben decides, in a moment of some sort of mental blackout obviously, to go all in.

“I like you, okay? As a person with a character and not just with a great dick. And I don’t like the thought of you hurting and being on your own. You’ve taken great care of me these last weeks, I don’t think I’ve thanked you for that, so just let me take care you! Even if it’s in a different way.”

Gwilym says nothing to that. For some minutes that might as well stretch out into hours he just stares as Ben as if he just declared that the earth is flat and is breaking apart. It makes Ben so uncomfortable that he considers to either wave a hand in front of Gwil’s face to make sure he hasn’t checked out mentally or to just leave, this apartment, the city, the country, change his name, grow a beard and work as goat farmer on an isolated island in Greece.

“You do.”

“What?”

“You do thank me. Every time you orgasm. It’s a bit weird, actually.”

Ben blushes, honest to god blushes and the plans for the goat farm seem to be a really good idea.

“I, uh- I’m sorry? I didn’t know that. I just… yeah.”

“It’s sweet. And I’m sorry if I offended you, it’s just- I’ve been doing this a while now and the anonymity of the app lets some people forget their manners. Or decency. It’s…”, he sighs, and Ben can feel it in every inch of his body. “It’s generally safer not to expect anything. I’m beginning to think I might be the wrong person for ‘just sex’ after all.”

Okay, no. Ben’s gotta put a stop to this, it’s not fair to the both of them. They need to have this talk when they’re both in full possession of their mental capabilities and not doped up and/or in pain.

“Hey, we don’t need to talk about this right now. How about I’ll help you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable so you can rest?”

 Gwil is soft and pliable, which makes changing his clothes easy, although his pants are a bit tricky. Ben needs to remove the brace, get the tight running pants off, the brace back on and only then he can stick Gwil’s ridiculously long legs into a pair of soft pyjama pants.

“You’re good at this”, Gwil remarks once they’re done in the bathroom and hobbling to his bedroom. He’s panting and a drop of sweat makes it slowly down his temple.

“I was training to be a nurse.”

Ben grunts a little when Gwil has to lean almost his whole on Ben in order to lower himself down on his bed.

“Why did you stop?”

“I couldn’t draw the line between the person and the patient”, Ben shrugs and rearranges Gwil’s pillows for him to lay down comfortably. “It was so hard to draw blood from kids. Even harder when someone didn’t make it. I loved it but I figured my job shouldn’t leave me crying almost every night.”

“Mhh”, Gwil hums, his eyes already closed when Ben covers him with the blanket. “Thanks, Ben.”

“Get some rest, Gwil.”

 Upon waking, Gwil isn’t too sure of his surroundings. He’s in his own bed, yes, but there are noises outside, some clanking and a rushing. It takes some time until he realizes it’s someone in his kitchen making tea. But-

Ben.

Oh shit.

Oh no.

Gwil shoots up and doubles over immediately when his body screams at him in pain by the sudden movement. His groan is guttural, but that’s not even on the forefront of his mind, there’s Ben. Ben, who stumbled over him at the hospital, took him home and put him to bed. Ben, who, apparently, is currently in his kitchen making tea.

This is not okay, far from it, really. This goes against everything they agreed upon in their contract.

“You’re up!”

“Ben!”

The blonde needs only a second before he knows what’s going on.

“When I made the tea, I noticed your cupboards were pretty empty, so I went out to get some groceries. Just the essentials”, he holds up his hands, well, the one hand not holding a mug.

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know”, Ben sits down on his bed and looks at Gwil, a steely resolve in his eyes that Gwil hasn’t seen before, “But a thank you should be enough to make up for it.”

“Thank you.”

It’s more of a mechanic response, because what Gwil actually wants to do is insisting that he’s fine, that Ben really didn’t need to get him groceries, that he can get by on his own. But Ben seems to have another idea.

“Listen, I know what you want to say. Me being here with you like this is violating the contract and not the nature of our agreement. But I don’t fucking care. If me taking care of you means we can’t have sex anymore, fine. Well, not fine, obviously, but okay, I’ll take it. There’s nothing that could make me just leave you alone like this. If you’ll have me, of course.”

“I…”

Gwil is not sure what to say. Ben just said a lot of words and his sleep- and pain-addled brain is a bit slow on the uptake.

“Is there anyone you could call? Who’d come over for bit?”, Ben asks softly.

“No, not really”, Gwil doesn’t know why he’s ashamed of that but he can’t bring himself to meet Ben’s eyes. “My family doesn’t live here, and my friends, I don’t really- I wouldn’t want-“

“To bother them? You’re a moron, Gwilym Lee”, despite his words, Ben smiles at him. He reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out Gwil’s face. He can’t help but lean into the soft touch.

“Are you okay with me staying here with you?”

“Yes.”

And he really is, much to his own surprise. He likes Ben like this. In a soft sweater, with a mug in his hands. He might like him like this even more than he likes him naked.

“Do you want some painkillers?”

“Yes, please.”

Ben places the mug on the bedside table and opens the drawer to pull out a bottle of pills. He smirks at Gwil.

“I might not know how where you keep your sugar, but I do know where your painkillers are. And I’m okay with learning that other stuff.”

[dewprisms]

After your binge-watching session, which would say is better: Kim Possible or Danny Phantom, and why?

Someone actually interested in my opinion for once?

Well it depends, both have their pros and cons in regards to episode plots/arcs, characters and chara development, character designs etc. So I’ll suppose I’ll break them down into different categories. Under a cut as to not make scrolling a hassle.

Also I apologize in advance for my page theme, I know it’s kinda shitty and hard to read sometimes but I’m too busy to change it right now.

Designs/Art: I know Stephen Silver was the main designer for both shows (and his designs for a lot of the teenage girls has a uh, Obvious Pattern.) Ignoring my bias towards Vlad and Drakken, I think a lot of the ghosts have fun designs, but KP gets points for actually letting characters (esp Kim and Ron) wear other clothes in S2 and beyond, and between Phantom, S1 Kim and S4 Kim I think S4 Kim has the best “action” outfit. BUT the art style for DP is pretty stiff at times and KP style has a lot more range for animation, body types and faces.  Overall though, I say they’re pretty tied imo. Both have a lot of ups and downs that truly comes down to a personal pref, even though the Fartman’s style is the more iconic one. I think KP wins animation/art and DP wins for designs.

Characters: Again, the villains shine here more than the protags. KP as such a wide range of villains that I have have to give them the point for creativity and FUN in antagonists, (Duff Killigan is prob my favorite in absurdity followed by Monkey Fist, the Seniors and DNAmy all tied for second. I really like Motor Ed too, seriously.) but that’s not to say that DP doesn’t have them either. Vlad’s true motivations are really...unique compared to other DP villains and even KP ones, (seriously? How many bad guys you know who’s goal in life is “fuck the MC’s mom and also make MC your son”) who like KP are just “take over the world and/or cause tons of destruction” but with only half the fun. Sadly Dark Danny’s entire thing hinges on him being Danny But Evil who only wants...destruction??? Whereas Evil Ron actually does something interesting with the character, showing Ron’s true potential (see Evil Ron vs Electronique in “Stop Team Go” for example) and being in-character for him still. (Faux Take Over The World plot to cover his true goal of owning all the world’s Nacos? Of fucking course Ron would. Brilliant.) Evil Ron still has hints of Ron’s personality (”Boo-yahaHAHAHA!”) whereas Dark Danny is just... evil for evil’s sake, which can be good when actually done right, but in this case isn’t because the only thing that resembles Danny is his outfit. Shego’s backstory is great. DP’s new S3 enemies are very boring despite interesting powers. KP S4’s Camille Leon is great but Warmonga is just eh. Moving on to protags, KP’s protags are far, far more interesting than DP’s. Which brings us to the next point. (Also Mr. Barkin > Mr. Lancer, and Kim’s parents > Danny’s parents.) KP gets this one.

Chara Development: Gonna say it, DP almost has none, and straight up regresses in very end of S2 and most of S3. I swear the only real characters who have any are Vlad (for better or for worse, the latter imo), Jazz (when they remember her, and is good) and Valerie (whose is good too). Tucker gets 3 (three!!) fking episodes about him and they ALL carry the same theme of him not being able to responsibly handle having any kind of power, which is why him becoming the town mayor at the end is so BAD. There’s NO WAY Tucker of all people would make a good mayor. VALERIE got more episodes than him, JAZZ got more episodes than him, both with development that STUCK while he’s a MAIN CHARACTER. Sam never changes, def for worse. Sam is a Base-Breaking Character for a dang reason. She’s extremely pushy, acts like she’s lowkey better than everyone else, and never seems to consider how her actions affect other people, and the like 1 or 2 times she does it doesn’t fucking stick like she’s Hank Hill or something. Danny has no real development for his character. All that develops for him are his powers and nothing else. On the other hand, KP characters DO have development and it shows! Not just for the protags but for villains too! Kim is bossy and a lil controlling early on and stops during S2, whereas Ron was extremely cowardly and gets, not exactly braver but just less phased by it all, plus early he never quite liked going on missions but later on gets sad if he has to miss them, before he doesn’t like being distractions but later on very much takes pride in being one, and etc. Drakken and Shego get development too, esp their relationship with each other AND with Ron and Kim. Bonnie actually got an episode of development (but sadly regressed in time for the finale) whereas Pauline just...never changes whatsoever. Bonnie actually makes for a good rival and mean girl for Kim for the entire show whereas Paulina and her relationship with Danny and Sam are just....bland and doesn’t go anywhere. There’s nothing for Dash, though Ron doesn’t really have an equivalent. So, KP gets this one.

Episodes/Plots/Arcs: DP wins in the Lore department by far, KP wins in character arcs. A Sitch In Time answers the great questions of What Would Happen if the Villains Teamed Up AND Shego is a Better Villain than Drakken so Why isn’t She in Charge? ft Time Travel. The Ultimate Enemy answers What If Danny Went Evil and Is Vlad Completely Irredeemable? ft Time Travel. KP definitely does the “balancing Hero duties with School life” better than DP. You can definitely see her struggles with it whereas DP is just kinda there. I also very much like that Kim is girly but is never shamed for it both in-universe and out, whereas DP is known for the shitty “I’m not like other girls” fake feminist bullshit. A problem I have with DP is that time pretty much never changes, as if the show takes place within a year, and it seriously hampers the growth of the show could have. Time is also just out of whack, they take their big end-of-the-year test then it’s Christmas THEN it’s Summer Vacation but even in S3 they’re all still in the first year of high school like ??? What?? Whereas KP starts in Freshman year and ends with Senior Graduation. The arcs of Danny/Sam vs Kim/Ron are just...D/S was definitely teased a ton more but by S3 you just get tired of it, not to mention the hypocrisy regarding the character relationships. Personal opinion warning, but Danny/Valerie had a lot more development in such a short time and was super interesting. Kim/Ron didn’t have as many teasing esp in S1 and S2 (it’s there though) but it def picks up in S3 and I love how their new relationship was handled in S4. Back to episodes, my favorite episodes for both are Reign Storm and So The Drama, but while I might be biased toward Reign Storm I’m gonna have to ultimately give better episodes overall to KP. So The Drama has Drakken going back to his Actually Dangerous roots from early on and becoming the closest to anyone to actually winning on his own merit (Shego stole the Tempus Simia from Drakken/Duff/MF and relied on weird time shit of Kim being “lost in the time stream” ((actual canon explanation)) to travel to the future specifically to stop her, to actually win) and is SO good when Dr. D finally gets defeated, plus (personal bias here) Kim and Ron’s teased hook-up finally happens. I will say though, I’m not a fan of S4′s Hana Stoppable/The Han story. As both shows are action-oriented, they definitely have their fair share of good fights but I think KP also has better action and fight scenes. Humor is extremely subjective but I think KP made me laugh more. Finally, DP is infamous for S3 just being bad whereas KP just got better and better with each season, though I’d put S4 below S3 and above S2. So: Lore = DP. Arcs, Action and Eps = KP.

Fandom: Ignoring the super gross shipping aspects of some parts of the fandom (If ur a P*mpousP*p or K*go shipper pls go away from my stuff i’m fucking serious), I think DP wins for this one. Many great OCs, (I really haven’t seen any for KP aside from next gen?) the already interesting lore is def expanded so much by fans, I legitimately don’t care for “Wes Weston” but my god did the fandom do some serious work for this boy. I don’t know too much about KP since the fandom seems kinda dead aside from some shipping stuff and a very slight revival from the movie, whereas DP ended before KP and is still very very active. DP wins fandom.

(Bonus) Reboots/Redesigns: I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure what could be done better for KP aside from the mess of Disney’s out-of-order airings, a more serious reboot wouldn’t work for the show at all, but DP could definitely use a reboot and fixes the disaster of S3. And reboots & character redesigns are def a hot topic for the DP fandom. So DP gets this one, though I’m not sure if this is a good thing.

Final: So over all, 4 for KP and 4 for DP, or if you add the little groups, 7 for KP and 4 for DP. Overall, I’ll say KP is the better show, but DP shines with the fandom. I also have a personal bias in favor of DP but it makes them even out for me. If you want interesting lore and good fandom content, go for DP. If you want fun and interesting characters, actual character development and more action and drama, KP is the way to go.

But instead of picking one, just watch both!

[elixir448]

Beth x Rio and OTP questions -- What’s the first thing that changes when they realise they have feelings for each other? and -- who says I love you first?

I am pretty sure that I am answering this wrong and maybe I’m supposed to create a written piece for the two characters but honestly the thought of writing for these two makes me cringe. I’m sure I’d be terrible at it!! So, I’m just going to answer the questions literally and hope that’s what you wanted!

Right, so. The first question is so painful because I am convinced that Beth and Rio were a little in love with each other. I know it is controversial but the more I think about season 2, the more it makes sense. In order to unpack your first  question, I guess we need to have a think about when they started to have feelings for one another and then when they realised that this was the case.

Honestly, I think that these two caught feels for each other as early as season 1. Certainly, those feelings were mainly comprised of intense curiosity, desire and the fact that they both seemed aware of the electric connection between them, something that neither of them anticipated.

I mean I’m sure if you asked the collective fandom when Beth and Rio developed feelings for one another, the answers would wildly vary.

It’s evident that Rio had been thinking about Beth prior to their conversation in her van (1x05), as indicated by “what are you doing with someone like me?”. Even before then, as soon as Beth and Rio were in the same space as one another, it was like they couldn’t quite remove their focus from the other person, like they were orbiting one another. At this point, after seeing the scale of Rio’s operations, it’s clear to me that he never had to deal with the girls directly after 1x02; initially, it was about using the girls to get his product from Canada and seeing what these suburban mamas could contribute but eventually it was like he couldn’t help himself. I mean, we’ve seen how many times Rio redirects his attention back to Beth whenever Annie or Ruby say something. It seems as though he doesn’t want to look away and it really makes me wonder if, of the two, Rio was actually the first one to catch feelings? Something more than just an awareness of their charged connection.

One of the other reasons I think Rio developed feelings for Beth first is that he’s been making exceptions for Beth for a long ass time, since almost the beginning of their professional relationship. That doesn’t mean he’s not hard on her but it could have, and probably should have, been way worse. It’s not smart for a person like Rio to make exceptions; he never made any for Eddie and I think he knows that he never should have for Beth either. I think it was intrigue that drove him to listen to her and give her some leeway and then I think he was too impressed not to hear her out. Eventually though, I believe he just liked it. He liked seeing her and talking to her in cars and cafes, he enjoyed their loaded conversations and eye-fucking and I think he genuinely wanted her. Like really wanted her. To the point that he let her get away with things that no one else could, like turning him in. Honestly, I oscillate between thinking that he first became aware of his feelings for her at the end of 2x02 or maybe he was full on punched in the face by them in 2x09, after she kissed him and he just stared at her. Or maybe he knew he was f***ed when he retrieved the Dubby for her and stuffed it into her mailbox, instead of leaving it when he confirmed that Jane hadn’t been kidnapped. We saw how soft and open he was with her in 2x08 on her picnic bench. So basically, I don’t know when he realised and I love that it probably snuck up on him, past all the eye-fucks and amusement and exasperation.

So now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s address your first question, considering Rio’s POV first. I think the first thing that changed was that he suddenly became aware of how dangerous she is to him. In season 2 and probably in the latter half of season 1, I don’t think he could have killed Beth even if he wanted to. There was no way he was going to kill her after he said “Elizabeth. Go home” in 1x09. Also, I’ve said it before but I really do think that throughout 2x02, Rio didn’t know what to do with Beth, who by all accounts was his rotten egg at that point. A rotten egg he couldn’t deal with, despite berating her for being unable to handle her own. I believe that Rio is very self-aware and knew how many exceptions he had made for her but perhaps had convinced himself that it would be worth it, because she was useful. And the thing is she was. But in the business, I think she’d also be considered more trouble than she’s worth.

Realising that he had feelings for her would force him to reckon with the fact that, even though there is a clear imbalance of power in their professional relationship, she actually wields far more power over him that even she is aware of in their undefined personal relationship. And I think as soon as he became aware of that, he was forced to regroup and evaluate what he was doing. This was pretty quickly followed by the realisation that she hadn’t killed Boomer, that she had been lying to him throughout the season despite her insistence that they were partners. I believe that was the driving force behind the “That’s what I am? Work?” scene in 2x12.

Regarding Beth’s feelings, well, she was certainly thinking about Rio early in season 1 as well, “Rio. His name’s Rio.” Annie and Ruby’s responses to that were absolutely perfect and reflective of the audience’s reactions. And come on, with the way that Rio looked at her, called her out and challenged her. There’s no way she wasn’t thinking about him. Sure, she enjoyed it when he blatantly looked her up and down but I think something inside her unravelled when he looked at her with admiration and curiosity in 1x02 (“we’re normal people”) and at the end of 1x04 (“we’re not here to try, we’re here to win bitch!”).

I think Beth has felt undervalued by a lot of the men in her life, including Dean and probably her father (the lack of any mention of him was pretty conspicuous in the 2x08 flashbacks). I think she spent most of her adult life comfortable but not happy. Not unhappy either though. That uncomfortable in-between. Initially, I think she viewed Rio as an opening into the thrill of what she had just done in 1x03, a way to make some money, but part of the thrill was him; I mean, her lies to Agent Turner’s face revolved around both of them having sex. So she definitely thought about that, probably daydreamed about it too. However, I think she also liked what she saw in herself when he looked at her. Her capabilities. And, look, I’m not saying that Beth’s self-worth is tied to Rio. It certainly is not and that would be extremely unhealthy. We’ve seen how much she disregards him lol. What I’m saying is maybe she needed that acknowledgement. Everyone does.

None of this stopped her from turning on him towards the end of season 1, when he “broke up” with her. I am convinced that she was driven by fear of what he would do yes, but mainly by anger and vindictiveness. A bit of a screw you, I don’t need you to do this (and gosh, the irony of that considering the fact that Rio says that to her in 2x06) and how can you just walk away?

We all know that Beth represses a lot, so if she had just sat down and unpacked what she was feeling, she would’ve known pretty quickly what Rio represented to her, a thrill but also a genuine connection. Then, after the bathroom scene in 2x04, her blatant avoidance of discussing it definitely says to me that it meant more to her than she was willing to acknowledge at that point. Then along comes the green-eyed monster when she saw him with Dylan. Come on Beth. Even Annie and Ruby knew that you were jealous but she couldn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she repressed and threw herself into uncovering what his new hustle was. When he returned the Dubby to her and that exhale when she pulled it out of the envelope; Gosh, I think she was confused and decided to avoid what she was feeling even more but maybe it was leaking out without her permission when she and Rio were being so gentle and light-hearted, ribbing each other on the picnic bench.

Interestingly, I’m way more certain of when Beth realised that she had feelings for Rio and that’s probably because we, as the audience, are poised to view Rio from Beth’s point of view. Any insight we get into his character is usually through her, other than his scenes with Turner in 1x01 and Gretchen in 2x03. And we follow her not just in her scenes with him but also through the other aspects of her life, whereas we usually only see Rio in scenes with her. I believe that Beth became aware of and couldn’t repress her feelings anymore when Dean presented her with a choice. Their family or Rio. When she was presented with a time stamp on their relationship, it jolted her. I think by that point, Rio and her had been through a lot and yet always ended up in the same story anyway. Like none of it mattered. Their connection wasn’t erased by any of it. So, she must have stopped thinking that anything could permanently rip them apart. Like, she turned him in and yet there they were, doing what they always do and so what if it means something more? In those moments where Beth’s sitting at the bar, knowing what she had to do, she must have been dreading it. Maybe a little of that was fear of how he might retaliate but Beth knew by that point, in her bones, that Rio would not harm her. No, that dread was because she knew how she felt now and she knew that what she was about to do was going to hurt. Strangely, acknowledging her own feelings was what spurred her to act and seek out that “one last time” with him.

On to your second question, who says I love you first? Oh lord, honestly, I can’t imagine these two every fully exposing themselves like this, not verbally anyway. The Dubby was a pretty obvious declaration of Rio’s feelings (come on, the episode was called “The Dubby”), even if he was probably pissed off while stuffing it into her mailbox. I think, in his own twisted way, presenting her with Agent Turner in 2x13 was another, more f***ed up declaration of something. I’ve thought about this a lot but I can’t even imagine Beth and Rio hugging. Like, it blows my mind to even think about it. Part of the reason is that they are not there yet. They didn’t trust each other, not even before Beth shot him. Telling the other person they love them would expose them in ways that I don’t think either of them can stomach yet. I think it would make itself known in other ways and, hell, it already kind of has with the way they looked at each other in 2x09 before going to Beth’s house. Also, I think the music (Love and War by Fleurie) was an excellent choice for the final scene of the season 2 finale and it was also very telling of what these two represent to one another.

I low-key think that in season 3 or 4, Beth may end up making a declaration of her own, through her actions, of how she feels about Rio. Like saving his life or refusing to flip on him or protecting him in her own way. Her equivalent of the Dubby. And honestly, I will be living!

What I’m trying to say is that Beth and Rio are definitely those two that everyone would eventually know are in love but they would struggle to say it to each other, even if they knew it. If it did happen, I kind of think Beth would be the one to say it. The show is called Good Girls and it’s about our three gals. Beth left her pearls for Rio, lifted up her dress for him and crossed the distance between them to kiss him first. So, in keeping with that theme, it makes sense that she would be the one to say it.  

That being said, I can vaguely see both of them saying it. But in a resigned way. This is killing me. You could kill me. I know. I’m tired. I love you.

Like, all those thoughts and emotions swirling together, until it it just came out, leaden with exhaustion.

Anyway, that’s that. I am so sorry that it took me so long to answer this ask but I got ridiculously insecure with my answer and then realised that I had actually written that everyone will have different opinions, so I thought screw it. I’d really love to hear other peoples’ thoughts! Also, feel free to send in asks (they’ll defos be as rambly as this one, sorry)!

Btw, this is pretty irrelevant but can you imagine if we get to see scenes of Rio in the next season, thinking about her when she’s not there (maybe with the pearls)? Followed by Beth thinking about him? Probs won’t happen but I can dream.

[looselucy]

The Forgotten Family

February 10th Harry had hold of my hand under the table, thumb circling over my skin, acting innocent as we sat waiting for our food at PJ’s, enjoying a bright Sunday morning with Niall and Lincoln.

I was enjoying being so sly with him. Before, our secret had been locked within our homes, rarely pushing boundaries or acting at all suspiciously when we were out in public. I liked that we were now holding hands and our friends who were right there with us were none the wiser. “So how was your date last night?” I asked Niall. “C’mon. I wanna hear the gory details.” “Y’know what, it actually went well.” “What?” Lin cried. “Why do you sound so shocked?” “I don’t think you’ve ever been on a date that’s gone well!” He cried. “You usually come back with some hideous story and never see them again.” “Fair point.” Niall looked both smug and coy. “Oh shit.” Harry piped up. “You got laid.” “No I didn’t!” Niall cried. “Yeah you did, you got laid. I can see it in your devious little eyes. You got a shag.” Me and Lin waited for Niall to confirm it, Harry absolutely sure of what he was saying, and the look on Niall’s face seemed to say he was onto something. As we waited, our food arrived, our Full English Breakfasts being placed in front of us, Harry saying thank you on our behalf as me and Lin waited with wide mouths, whereas Niall was just smirking. “That’s the face of a man who got laid.” Harry said after giving my hand and squeeze before letting go and taking hold of his cutlery, ready to tuck in. “C’mon. Admit it.” “Fine. I did. You can see right through me.” He admitted. “Niall, what the fuck?” I squealed. “Tell us everything! I want details.” “Well, I was the bottom, and he-” “NO, not those details!” I stopped him quickly, Lin and Harry almost choking on their food as they laughed. “Just like… how the date went, how it all came to be. I don’t need… those details, thank you.” “We went out for food and then… It just went really well, and it’s been a long fucking time since I had a shag. He invited me to his for a nightcap and it just happened. Natural.” “Nice, man.” Lin spoke between mouthfuls. “So are you gunna see him again?” “Maybe not in a romantic way, but for sex, probably.” “I get that. There are very few chances of getting laid in Rosebury. It’s a downfall.” “Don’t you date?” Harry asked Lin. “Date who, exactly?” Lin sniggered. “Fair point.” Harry laughed with him. “But like… what Niall does. Someone from the next village over, or whatever.” “But Niall likes his dating apps and stuff, he’s good at that shit. I wanna meet someone in a really… organic way, as pretentious as that sounds. With apps and stuff, I feel like it’s forced and all about appearances and shit. I dunno, it just doesn’t appeal to me. I’d rather just meet someone, but it’s so rare. Can’t win.” I understood that completely, and I thought I would likely be the same if I was in his situation. Dating in a small village like ours was almost impossible. It was such a small area, a loving and familiar place; we knew old married couples and small businesses and everyone knowing everyone, and I suppose those ideals reflected in us across a lot of different aspects of our lives. “Yeah, I get that.” Harry accepted. “How’re you finding it?” Lin asked. “What?” “Being here. The lack of… options.” “Lin’s asking if you’re sexually frustrated.” Niall put it bluntly. “I was trying to be tactful about it,” Lin rolled his eyes. “But yeah, pretty much. It’s not like there’s a lot of options here, and I imagine you were doing pretty well for yourself in… the bedroom… before you moved here.” “He’s saying you’re sexy.” Niall put it bluntly once again. “Niall, you do not need to keep talking on my behalf. I’m sure Harry is perfectly capable of understanding what I’m getting at.” Lin chuckled. “He’s asking if you wanna fuck anyone.” Niall ignored him still, talking directly to Harry until Lin punched his arm, and then he backed down. “Maybe Harry doesn’t wanna discuss this stuff.” I tried. “There’s not much to discuss.” Harry shrugged it off casually. “I guess I haven’t thought about it too much. I’m not really… into dating, I never have been.” “I guess that helps.” Lin answered sensibly. “I bet you’re into shagging though.” Niall didn’t. “You’re not one for approaching things tactfully, are ya?” Harry laughed. “Never.” “Can we stop talking about sex over breakfast, please?” I asked, really wanting to avoid the conversation, then deciding to make the most of it. “It’s been ages since I had sex.” “Same.” Lin agreed. “Yup.” Harry lied along with us rather weakly. “Less than twelve hours for me.” Niall was ridiculously smug. “Be jealous.” Harry nudged my knee with his beneath the table, because it had actually been less than an hour since the two of us had had sex, so there was really no need for us to be jealous. I dropped my head, quickly trying to hide my smile by eating, nudging Harry back. I loved spending time with everyone. My friends were my world, and any time I could spend with them was a blessing, but at the same time, I was enjoying my alone time with Harry so much that even then, a few bites into our breakfast, I was already looking forward to being back at his place. We tucked in, thankfully no longer talking about sex, though I was definitely thinking about it. The bell for the front door chimed, my eyes instinctively shooting upwards, seeing Tom let himself into PJ’s, spotting us right away. We never saw much of him, really, especially without Sam by his side. He kept himself to himself and was the total opposite of a social butterfly, so it’d been months since I’d last seen him. I knew it wouldn’t be the best atmosphere. “Alright.” He greeted us awkwardly. “Alright, Tom.” Niall was the only one of us to answer. He was just about to walk past us to go to the counter, but then he stopped, right beside our table, right next to Harry, looking down to him and sniggering arrogantly, before he slowly moved on. Harry rolled his eyes and his shoulders, Lin looking over our heads so he could continue to scowl at Tom. “Fuck him, mate. Pay him no attention.” He huffed. “He’s always been an arrogant little prick that one. He’ll be on Sam’s side no matter what.” “But if he knew why I’d done it-” “He will know why.” I interrupted Harry. “But he’s a sexist fucking prick. He will not care. He’ll honestly think it was Sam putting me in my place, he won’t think anything of it, I’m telling you. The boy isn’t worth the breath.” “Don’t say that shit, Alfie.” He was losing himself in his own frustration. “I’ll get fucking worked up. Don’t tell me he’s like that because I’ll lose my head.” “I don’t know why we ever put up with him.” Lin groaned. We’d all put with him because I’d been with Sam, and I knew that. It was so strange looking back on my whole relationship with Sam and realising just how toxic it had been, and it wasn’t restricted to me. I hated that. I looked southwards, only able to feel down for a matter of moments, before my friends did what they always did and picked me right back up, even without meaning to. “Remember when Louis kicked him in the balls?” Niall tried to hold in his sniggers. “What?” Harry whelped, also holding in laughter. “Why’d he do that?” “He made a shit comment about my dreads.” Lin told him, tense over the memory at first before he thought of the aftermath, then he smiled. “Louis just went at him, without a second thought. As soon as he’d said it, it was like a magnet.” “He was almost sick, it was fucking hilarious.” Niall laughed. “Louis’ a fucking legend.” Harry sniggered. We all started laughing, and I looked over my shoulder to gage Tom, let him know that it was him we were laughing at, seeing how uncomfortable and uneasy he looked. He knew we were laughing specifically at him but he had no idea why and I loved it. He’d tried to make Harry feel small, and it had only wound him up for a couple of seconds before we’d gained the upper hand again. Not only that, we’d calmed Harry down, and that was important too. I think we were good for Harry. Even better than I knew.

“How is she?” I asked my dad down the phone, sat in Harry’s kitchen watching him make us a meal. “Not great. She had a big anxiety attack yesterday. She didn’t know who or where she was, completely freaked out.” “Shit. Is she okay? Are you okay?” “It was rough for a while, but it wasn’t too long until they’d gotten her sat down and then… she forgot that, too. She’s okay now, I suppose, just very quiet. Hasn’t spoken to me properly for a while now.” “Dad, are you okay?” I asked again. I couldn’t help but be concerned for him and his happiness. Every single day he was in emotionally taxing circumstances, exhausting and agonising conditions that must have been chipping away at him, no matter how slowly and no matter how strong he was, how strong their love was. He was such a positive person, but I knew how tired he must have been, how hard it would be to see the woman he loved disappearing before his eyes more and more every day. I just felt like he didn’t have anyone there looking after him, and he needed it. He might not have known it, but he needed support and strength from someone else and he could hardly accept it. There was only so much I could do from Rosebury, and I’d never been good at removing myself from the situation so I could simply be there for him. I struggled too. “I’m fine, Fee. Don’t worry about me.” “I can’t not, I just… It’s a lot for one person to take on, dad. That’s a lot for one person to handle.” “I’m used to it. I’ve been here for almost five years now.” “That’s my point.” I dropped my head into my hand, wishing there was a way that he could be fully happy, but it didn’t seem like it existed. If he wasn’t with her, he’d be unhappy, but being with her so much clearly wasn’t healthy for his heart. I thought maybe it would be better if he found some kind of middle ground, where he could give himself a break for a few days of the week, do something else and be somewhere else and get back into hobbies he’d once had, but after four years of the same routine, I felt like even that would be too much of a change for him to feel comfortable with. “Will you please come and see me soon?” I asked, trying to stop myself from crying. “But-” “You could bring her too, I dunno.” I tried. “If that’s what it takes, bring her. But you need to… get outside and do something different. Please, dad. Please.” “If she could leave the house that easily, I wouldn’t live here in the first place. To take her out for the day, I’d need a specialist nurse to be with us at all times, and that costs money, Fee! I can’t afford that right now.” “I will find the money, if that’s what you need. We’ll figure it out. But… I dunno, I really feel like you need a break. Give yourself a break, I promise it’ll do you so much good.” Harry left the food to approach me, leaning across the counter to pull my hand away from my head and push his fingers between mine, holding tight. My dad was quiet for some time, unsure what to say. I knew he was wonderful for what he did for my mother, but sometimes being selfish is showing your own heart the love it deserves when it can’t be offered by others, and he’d stopped doing that at some point. He'd been so busy taking care of her that he’d forgotten how important it was to take care of himself. I could tell he didn’t have a clue what to say, and I didn’t want to pressure him or fill him with guilt, so I decided to end the conversation, give him some space to consider what I was saying. “Just do me a favour and think about it, okay?” I sounded as defeated as I felt. “We could walk up Traits Hill, I could show you how the shop is, we could go to The Railway and just… have a day or two doing really nice stuff that we used to do. I think it’d do you a world of good, so just think about it.” “Okay, I will.” “Promise?” “I promise.” “Alright. Speak soon.” “Take care, speak soon.” I hung up and dropped my phone on the counter, chest aching, mind racing, now using my other hand to hide and prop up my face as Harry continued to squeeze the other, still looking at me. “Just keep pushing.” He encouraged. “If you don’t drop it, he’ll have to come back at some point.” “It’s just frustrating.” “I know.” “He can’t accept that it’d be good for him. He just can’t do it.” “I know, I feel your frustration, but… it’s hard, y’know… when people get into routines like that. All he needs to do is break it once, and he’ll see how good it is.” “I just don’t know how to get him to that point, he’s so stubborn.” I groaned, moving my hand and looking at him. “It’s shit because I’m finally at this stage where I feel better, and it’s like I’m trying to find this way where my family can be at its best and be happy, but it feels fucking impossible.” “Mm.” He dropped his head, seeming reflective somehow. I kept my eyes on him, witnessing him disappear into his own head, quite obviously thinking about my words and aligning them with his own situation. I bit at my lip, still unsure of his boundaries and whether he needed a push or if I should just wait it out, wait until he was ready and he spoke off his own back, but I worried I’d be waiting forever. “You wanna talk?” I asked calmly. “No.” He replied swiftly. “You sure?” He let go of my hand, nodding slightly as he headed back over to finish cooking for us, his mood having changed rather rapidly. I had no intentions of pushing him; all I’d wanted him to know was that if and when he was ready to speak, I would listen. All I had wanted was for him to be aware that I would accept any section of his soul that he chose to share with me. I sighed, maybe a little too loudly, dropping my head and messing on my phone for a matter of seconds before he snapped. “Y’know it’s fucking weird,” He scowled miserably, abandoning the food once again. “The way you lot are with each other, how you share everything. It’s fucking weird, and not everyone is like that. Not everyone has to talk about what they’re going through and how they’re feeling all the fucking time with every single person.” “When did I ask you to do that, Harry?” “I’m just saying!” He carried on. “I don’t wanna talk about it, that’s way out of my fucking comfort zone, so leave it!” “I didn’t push it!” I cried, wishing I could have kept calm but his raised voice made that difficult. “All I did was offer, and if that is enough to make you flip at me like this, then fine, I won’t fucking offer again.” “Good, don’t. I don’t need to talk. I don’t need your help. Just drop it.” “Fine.” I felt awful. I hadn’t wanted him to feel that way, and suddenly I was questioning all of it. I was wondering if he actually had felt any better about opening up to me about his father or if I’d just told myself he did, convinced myself it had been good for him when actually he’d been feeling bitter about the whole thing. And I didn’t like arguing with him. I didn’t like seeing him worked up, because even at the times where I’d gotten worked up at him, he hadn’t gotten like that, like he was angry at me. It certainly wasn’t the first time I’d seen him angry, but I didn’t want to be the source of it. I understood it was all very sensitive for him, but I didn’t want to find myself in the firing line whenever the mere mention of families or being open came up in conversation. I had lost my appetite. I got up to my feet, through the door to the living room by the time he’d caught on. “Fee-Fee, what’re you doing?” He asked, sounding weary, already well aware it was him who’d driven me away. “M'not hungry, I’m just tired. I’m going for a nap.” “Please stay and eat with me.” “No.” I simply replied. I headed upstairs, hearing the clattering of cutlery as though he’d just thrown something in a outburst, but I didn’t want to stay downstairs and continue arguing with him, or put up with his annoyance. I knew this was all new to Harry, all of it. Not just the sharing himself, staying in one place and being so settled among a group of people, but even this sort of relationship we’d found ourselves in. I knew he didn’t know how things were meant to be or how to handle himself and the feelings he was experiencing, but he should have known under any circumstance that that was not the way to speak to anyone. I didn’t want him yelling at me and scowling, talking down to me and treating me like I’d really crossed a line when I couldn’t possibly know where the line was or what he considered crossing it. I went upstairs and climbed into bed, kidding myself if I genuinely thought I’d be able to sleep it all away.

The sun was bright, bursting through his bedroom window as it began to set, warming his room and softening the atmosphere. I lay reading, not having heard very much from Harry over the past hour or so, however long it had been. I thought he might leave it for the night, just to prove a point, but when he quietly pushed his bedroom door so it would creak open, I felt incredibly relieved. I hated being on bad terms with him. He stood in the doorway, chewing anxiously at his bottom lip at the same time as trying to shoot me an apologetic smile. I placed the book down. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I dunno why I snapped at you, I’m sorry.” “I don’t wanna argue with you, Harry. And I’m not trying to push you.” “I know.” He dropped his head. “It’s just… everything with my family is such a fucking mess. I get… I get kinda pent up about it, and I’m sorry. You’re the last person I wanna take that out on.” I nodded, lifting up the sheets as an invitation for him to join me, and he seemed almost shocked that I had. Looking reassured and thankful, he removed his clothes until he was in his underwear and then got himself into bed with me, clambering over to me to land on my side of the bed since I had occupied his in his absence, the two of us tucking ourselves close together. I caressed his cheek, sensing the way he soothed beneath my touch, kissing the tip of my nose. “I missed you.” He told me. “It’s only been a few hours.” I giggled. “Yeah, I hated it.” He grinned, making me laugh even more. “Can we not fall out again, please?” “You’re cute.” I bustled. “Okay, no more fighting.” “Ever?” “Depends. We’ll both have to be on our best behaviour.” He smiled, taking my jaw in his hand and pulling me that little bit closer so that he could kiss me, only for a moment. He looked over my face, speaking softly. “Can I talk to you? About… About my family.” “Only if you want to.” I whispered. “I wasn’t annoyed because you didn’t wanna talk, Harry, it was more the way you… handled the situation.” “I know that, I’m sorry.” “You don’t need to keep saying you’re sorry. I’m just saying, I’m not rushing you into talking.” “Alfie, I know.” He chuckled like he thought I was foolish to think that way. “I… I want to talk about this stuff with you, I do. I just… I find it so hard.” “Why do you think you… struggle so much?” He took a deep breath in, still with his face mere inches from mine, looking right at me, appearing strangely confident considering. His voice didn’t sound quite as assured. “I think it’s… after everything that happened with my dad, and what that did to us. My dad struggled to open up too, and I guess I’m like him in that sense. And then with me moving about so much, and… removing myself so much and not making friends and… everything. It’s just everything. I’ve had like, the opposite of what you grew up with.” I’d always had people to rely on. I’d always had a solid network of people around me, a sense of home and familiarity and trust, not solely in my friends and family, but even the whole village. I had always been aware of my luck when it came to how blessed I was to grow up there, to have the support I did, but I suppose hearing Harry word it so plainly then put it into perspective further. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for him, because it was so different to how things had been for me. “Do you… find it easier talking to your mum and brother?” “Well, my brothers in prison and my mum doesn’t want anything to do with me, so…” “What?” I cried, alarmed, distancing from him in shock. His confidence dwindled then, turning to face the ceiling and placing his hand across his forehead, pinching lightly at his temples. I didn’t know what to think, what to expect. “How? Why is… What? Why wouldn’t your mum want to see you?” “I fucked up. I fucked everything up.” “How?” “After my dad died… I think trauma either ties people together or tears them apart. For us… We couldn’t find a way to be stronger. It broke us. It fucking broke us.” I understood that, because in ways, losing my mum in the way we had, it broke me and my dad too. I was still trying to fix the damage it had done and that way I’d handled it for the past few years. It seemed Harry’s situation with his family was one that they hadn’t been able to heal. “Jack, my brother, he… He couldn’t seem to move on. I think because he was the one to find our dad, it was harder for him. As he got older, he became hostile, angry. He changed. I dunno, I guess I found my comfort in art… a-and music and literature, but he couldn’t do that. And it was… me and my mum who he could take his anger out on.” I hated that they hadn’t been able to find a way of healing together. I hated the thought of a loving family who had once protected one another, looked after one another and done all they could to keep one another fighting and happy, had fallen apart when they deserved to be happy. They deserved to find their peace. All I had known of his brother before this was that he had sheltered Harry from a sight that would have scarred him deeper than the loss of his father had anyway. It was heart-breaking to think that in time, their loss had shaped him so harmfully. “As he got older, it went from him being just a difficult kid to him… being violent. First with other people, kids at school, strangers who pissed him off. Then when he got older still… I think he was like sixteen the first time he hit our mum.” “What?” “Knocked her cold out.” “Why?” “Over something or nothing, I can’t even remember. I just remember seeing red and trying to make him stop, but he was so much bigger than me then. It wasn’t… a constant thing, him being like that, but it was like every few months something tiny would happen and he’d flip and if she was there, or… It was me a few times too, but usually her.” “That’s awful. I… I understand him struggling but… I don’t know how he could turn that round on the two of you. You must have been the only ones who could understand.” “I think it’s easier to take out your anger, your pain... on the people you love.” He sighed. “I dunno if it’s a subconscious thing, that hope that they’ll always be able to forgive you. That the love is strong enough to make everything forgivable.” “And was it?” He looked so broken even thinking back to all of it, slowly shaking his head. I stroked though his hair, whispering that I was sorry, already so proud of him for how well he was doing. “That was when I started working out. I dunno if it was necessarily with the thought of fighting back, but at least… being stronger. I hoped he would back down. By the time I was like, seventeen, I was in pretty good shape.” “Did he stop?” “No, he got worse. He’d been kicked out of college, not accepted into any uni’s, so he was stuck. Then when I got accepted into uni, that just pissed him off even more. We started fighting and… it just gradually kept getting worse until we all reached breaking point.” “What happened?” “I think… I snapped. I saw him hit her one day, and I snapped.” He was getting worked up, rambling. “I just snapped, I-I… I don’t know what happened, but I snapped and I couldn’t stop and-” “Harry, it’s okay! Stay calm for me, okay?” He took a few seconds to gather himself, tears forming in his eyes before he managed to bluntly say what had happened, why he was so worked up. “I almost killed him, Alfie. I didn’t mean to, but… I completely lost myself. I just kept hitting him over and over and… I… I beat him within an inch of his life. I’m so fucking glad I stopped because if I hadn’t… I fucked up. I fucked everything up.” I didn’t know what to say. I felt sick over the thought of Harry doing that to another human being, especially someone he’d once had so much love for. He seemed categorically ashamed, the scar of the memory more garish than the scars on his hands. He was crying, heavily, not even able to look me in the eye as he continued. “I broke his nose. His collarbone. He was… a mess, and I did that. I hate it and I hate myself for it but I did it. I did that to my own brother.” I sat myself upright hoping it would cease the curdling of my stomach, running my hand through my hair, trying to swallow the information he’d just shared. I had always had some idea that the situation with his family wasn’t stable, due to his views on families, how lonely he was, how he’d spent however many Christmases on his own. I knew things weren’t right, but I hadn’t been expecting that. He sat up with me, hysterically reaching for my hand, his tears falling heavier. “Please don’t be scared of me.” He pleaded. “M’not scared of you.” I shook my head, grasping at his fingers in the hope of reassuring him, sedating his sorrow. “I’ve changed so much since then, I’ve learnt. I’m not… I don’t do that. I’m not like that!” “Okay.” “You have to believe me.” “I… I want to, but what happened with Sam-” “I know, I… Fuck, I lose my temper sometimes and I know I shouldn’t but… I’d have never taken it that far. I wouldn’t make that same mistake again. I promise. Please, please believe me.” I believed him. Despite the evidence I had that should have probably made me think otherwise, I believed him. I was aware that his temper could get the better of him sometimes, and I thought that may be another reason he ran his classes and why he exercised in the way he did. I thought back to those times I’d seen him in his gym working out on his own, taking that energy out on punch-bags rather than people, and I felt that was his release. It was all just so overwhelming to hear. He squeezed my hand tighter, continuing frantically. “I was a stupid, heartbroken kid! I took all of it out in those fucking moments rather than… dragging out it over years, like Jack had. I kept it all in and then I just broke and… This is why I hate fucking talking. I hate trying to deal with my emotions because I’m scared that I’ll just snap again and deal with it horribly. I-I’d rather just numb it.” “That’s the exact reason you need to talk, Harry!” I cried. “You can’t let it all build up. That’s what makes you snap. It’s not the dealing with it that hurts you, it’s the bottling it up! Look at you now, look how well you’re doing!” He just about nodded, reaching up to wipe his tears away. I helped him, cupping his cheek and using my thumb to clear his damp skin. I didn’t want him to feel any more guilt than he clearly already did, I wanted to show I was there supporting him, not judging him or fearing him. Even when he was quiet, it was somehow still clear that he’d come a long way since his teenage years; he was kind, thoughtful, gentle, far much more protective than he was violent. Even those situations where he had completely lost himself, it always seemed to be for someone else’s benefit rather than his own, it was always in an attempt to protect someone else. I wanted him to feel better, not worse. I had to be as understanding as I could be. He was trembling, looking down to our hands as though seeing our joint fingers was calming him. “What happened after that?” I asked gently. He wiped away a few more tears, laying back down with a heavy thud, staring up to the ceiling. I looked down to him. “My mum kicked us both out.” “What? Why you?” “After what I did to Jack, she thought I was as bad as him, and… I don’t think she was wrong. She was scared of me. Nothing I could do.” “Where did you go?” “I stayed with a mate for a few weeks, but then I went off to uni. Kinda started a new life.” “She must have forgiven you by now.” “I don’t think so. I think… I think I fucked up, because I left and… I didn’t try, y’know? I didn’t… reach out to her, I didn’t apologise… I didn’t do anything. I just left it, because I was scared and I felt so bad so I just tried to forget the whole thing. And then the longer I left it, the worse it got and I felt like I couldn’t and… I just handled it all so fucking terribly and then I felt stuck.” I suddenly understood why it was that Harry had been so fixated on me repairing things with my own mother and father. I felt like he’d almost projected his own failings onto me, in the kindest way possible. “When I finished uni… I tried. Four years later, I went back to the house where we used to live, but she’d gone. I don’t blame her. We had so many… horrible memories in that town, that house. I think she wanted a fresh start, so she left.” “I… I just can’t believe she never tried to reach you.” “She couldn’t! I didn’t have the same number I’d had. She didn’t know where I lived in London at uni, and then after that I moved around too much. She wouldn’t have known how to find me, so like… I dunno if she tried. I hope she did, but then I dunno if it’d actually make me feel worse.” “Have you tried to reach her?” I lay back down with him. He nodded, taking a little longer to form his reply this time around, seeming almost nervous about what he was about to reveal to me. “This house… This is where my mum grew up. She was born here in Rosebury.” “What? Are you serious?” “Her mum died in childbirth, and she lived here with her dad. I never met him, he died when she was quite young. She went into care, had to leave here, but she always wanted to come back. She used to speak about this village, this house. She always wanted to be here. Her and my dad spoke about it, but with him being so ill… I think they were scared of the change, what that would do to him, so they stayed in Lytham. That’s where I grew up.” “Holy shit. That’s why you moved here.” I spoke absently. “That’s why you thought being here would bring you peace. What the fuck.” “The room, upstairs, the one you saw,” He went on. “It’s her room. The house was abandoned when her dad died, and it hadn’t even been touched since she lived here. I dunno why I kept it like that, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring myself to paint over the top of it. Some of her happiest memories are in this house and I just wanted to keep… some of its history alive. That’s why I’m so… touchy about it.” When I’d first found that room, I’d asked him if he had a child because there was that impression that it was a child’s room, and now it made so much sense why I’d jumped to that conclusion. I’d thought the peace he was talking about before was simple peace and quiet, somewhere quant and calm and different to the other places he had lived before. The peace he sought was so much more complex than that. “You bought the house for her.” I whispered, and he nodded. “I thought she might live around here. I thought maybe I’d find her here, but…no joy.” “Have you managed to contact her at all?” “When I first got here, I wrote to her. I hired some guy to find out where she is, and I wrote to the last address she was at, a few weeks after I moved here. I told her how sorry I am, that the house is here for her if she wants it. She… She never replied.” “She won’t have seen it. If she had, she’d have replied, I know it.” I had a gut feeling about it. I could understand that things got difficult and complicated and why she’d resorted to kicking the two of them out of her home, but I couldn’t accept the fact that she still didn’t want contact with him. They’d had years to recover and learn and I just knew that if she could be in touch with him, she would. He didn’t look convinced. “Have you spoke to anyone in Rosebury? Anyone who remembers her or her mum and dad? There are people who’ve been here all their lives, they’re bound to know her.” “What difference would it make? They wouldn’t know where she is now.” “But maybe they’d know her, and it’s a start! Do you have a picture? What if she visits? What if I’ve… seen her!” His eyes filled with hope for a few seconds, considering what I’d said. He moved quickly, clambering off the side of the bed to retrieve his wallet from the pocket of the jeans he'd been wearing, routing through to find a picture he stored there, one of him and his mother, arms around each other, smiling, happy. Gently, I took the picture from his hands, sitting back up and looking over the image to see if I could gather any sort of memory to attach to the woman. She was small, slim, short and light brown hair that didn’t even reach her shoulders. I was trying. “What’s her name?” “Julia.” He told me, watching my face. “I… I’m not sure. Nothing’s… coming to mind, I’m sorry.” I passed the picture back to him slowly, seeing how disappointed he looked whilst taking it back and placing it back into his wallet. “S’okay. Long shot, wasn’t it.” “Mm.” I kept my eyes on his face, wanting to cheer him up as much as possible. “She’ll want to see you, Harry. You made a mistake, she’ll see that. You’re so different now.” “I dunno. I hope so.” “I… I can’t believe you bought a house for her.” “I want her to be happy and I know this place makes her happy. Everything was so hard for her, with my dad and then me and my brother. I really want her to be here. You probably think it’s stupid-” “I don’t.” I cut him off firmly. “At all.” He had such a big heart. It seemed his whole adult life was shaped around trying to make things right, trying to make amends for his wrongs and trying to do everything he could for others. For too long, his life had revolved around pain and hate, and he’d done what he could to make sure that the life he built on his own was focused on love and support, even with how much he struggled to open himself up to others. I was utterly infatuated with him. “When the last time you saw your brother?” “I visited him in prison.” “Why’s he there?” “Burglary.” It seemed his brother hadn’t been able to learn and develop in the way Harry had, instead he’d stayed on that dark path, unable to find the light. “Are you on… better terms at least?” “No. I tried but… I think there’s too much anger there. He didn’t wanna see me, so… I left pretty quickly. I haven’t bothered to try since. I think that was like a year ago.” “I’m sorry.” “Some relationships can’t be saved.” “I hope that’s not true, but… I get why you feel that way.” He threw his wallet to the bottom of the bed, laying himself back down, miserable for a few moments before he spotted my smile. I couldn’t hold it in. “Why’re you smiling?” He asked. “I’m really proud of you, Harry. For… talking. I’m proud of the person you’ve become. And I know your mum would be too, so… keep looking. Keep trying.” Managing a smile in return, he ticked his head back so that I’d join him. I placed my chin on his shoulder once I was horizontal, kissing his cheek before he turned his head to look at me, raising a hand to brush the backs of his fingers against my cheek. “She might not be here,” He hushed. “But at least you are.” “I’m proud of you.” I whispered back to him, blushing brightly. He kissed my forehead sweetly, pulling my body a little closer to his, his own body finally relaxing. I was obsessed with the couple we were becoming, however slow our progress. There was a wonderful trust between us, an excitement and a delight that I had not felt previously. We were a secret and we were strong and we were good for each other. We were so fucking good for each other. He held me close, lips lightly tracing my forehead as he spoke. “Thank you, Fee-Fee. My world seems a bit softer with you in it.”

[tigerbus2-blog]

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[ascension-soliloquy]

First time read of Mistborn book 1: The Final Empire

This is my first time doing something like this. I’m not sure how interesting it will be for anyone else. Usually when I read it’s more, well...I don’t know if passively is the right word, but I don’t normally take notes or write my thoughts down. I’m not doing a recap, I’m expecting you to have read the book and be familiar with it. I’m not doing in depth analysis on every chapter or every little plot point, I’m just writing down things whenever I think of them. 

 •So far I’m on chapter 17 and right now I only have one prediction. Reen will show up again at some point in the series, he will have power, either Misting or Mistborn, and there will be a confrontation between him and Vin. Either that or between both of them and their father. Or just between Vin and her father. I’m probably wrong. Haha

 •Also, I’m guessing the blurbs at the beginning of each chapter are from the book Sazed is translating.

 •Chapter 28.

“The Deepness must be destroyed... Many do not realize that it is sentient, but I have sensed its mind...the few times I have confronted it directly. It is a thing of destruction, madness, and corruption. It would destroy this world not out of spite or out of animosity, but simply because that is what it does.”

My guess is that rather than destroy the Deepness, he was possessed by it.

 •From the start Vin reminded me of a combination of Min and Egwene from the Wheel of Time. I only know about BS from him finishing the WOT series, so I suppose comparisons are inevitable for me. When we first meet Vin she has short hair and wears boy clothes, so that’s like Min, and she is ambitious about learning magic, so that’s like Egwene. All three characters seem to be in the habit of doing what they want, rather than what they are told to do. I always liked Egwene and Min, but so far I think I might actually like Vin better. Maybe because she has a lot of POV in this book, whereas we had to wait a while to get POV from the other two in WOT.

 [The next paragraph sort of contains spoilers for the last three books in the Wheel of Time]

 I hope Elend doesn’t turn out to be the Gawyn of this story. When she was telling him about how skaa are intelligent, I was thinking, “no Vin! I don’t like the questions he’s asking you. Don’t trust him!” Then when he defended her to his friends, I was like, maybe he’s okay. Oh, but now he’s going to have her followed. Going behind her back, kinda getting Gawyn vibes. (I’m talking about what Gawyn did in the last three WOT books, so if you haven’t gotten that far, spoilers, so I won’t get into it here.)

 •”Be careful, Mistress —become too fond of reading, and you may just turn into a scholar.”

Vin shook her head. “Not if all the books I read are going to end like this one!”

Rather meta, isn’t it?

 •Chapter 30

F***

“And so the house war starts, Vin thought. Didn’t think I’d be the one to officially begin it.”

Indeed.

Maybe Vin is the Gawyn in this situation. Hahaha

It is pretty badass that she was able to defeat another Mistborn on her own, but I can imagine this will come back to bite her.

 •”You’re no skaa—you’re just noblemen without titles.”

Dang, she told him. That whole speech was astounding.

“He stood, dumbfounded, feeling a surprising flush of ashamed guilt. And, for once, found himself without anything to say.”

 •chapter 32

 “Marsh said he’d leave a light burning if the other obligators were gone.”

I don’t like it. Ever since Marsh got the face tattoos I’ve had a bad feeling about him. I think he’s going to turn on Kell.

 Oh...Or the Inquisitors will turn on Marsh. I wasn’t expecting that. Never mind. Though, who knows what information they got out of him before they killed him.

Then again, how do we know for certain that is Marsh’s body? It could be a ploy to make them think Marsh is dead. It could be anyone and they would never know. They couldn’t exactly get a DNA test done, and his skin has been ripped off, so a positive ID is difficult.

 •Chapter 34 [LOTR, WOT, and Harry Potter spoilers—don’t want to assume everyone has read those]

 So Kell is the Gandalf/Moiraine of this story. One difference is he left behind a body, unlike those other two, so not sure if there will be any coming back for him. I suppose Dumbledore didn’t come back (at least physically), so it wouldn’t be the first time.

 •Chapter 36

In which Vin gets herself captured. Of course. In WOT it seemed like in just about every book someone was getting captured. It was one of my least favorite tropes of the series. Sometimes it was handled in an interesting way, but other times it was just annoying. I hope Vin is able to escape on her own rather than have to be rescued, and I hope this doesn’t become a recurring theme in this series.

 I made the mistake of looking at someone’s cosplay photo in the Mistborn sub-reddit, and it was an alternate reality version of Vin where she had been made into a Steel Inquisitor. When the Inquisitor was holding something, hit Vin, and it faded to black, I was terrified she was going to wake up with spikes through her eyes. I guess I won’t be clicking on anything else in that sub for the time being. It’s funny, for the most part I avoided reading anything online about WOT while I was reading that series, but for some reason I’m being more daring with this one. Of course, I didn’t have a reddit account at the time, so this is all new to me.

 Vin meets her father. Such a joyous family reunion. Aw, that didn’t last long. That wasn’t the confrontation I was expecting; more like a confrontation between him and the Inquisitors. There’s still time for a confrontation between Vin and Reen, I suppose.

 The Lord Ruler orders her execution, but the Inquisitor convinces him to let them use her for a while longer. There’s no way possible that plan will backfire and allow her to escape or be rescued.

 [The next paragraph contains spoilers for Wheel of Time book #2 The Great Hunt]

 As much as I would prefer Vin to escape, I have a feeling Elend is going to be the one to rescue her. Then again, [WOT spoilers] Rand didn’t rescue Egwene from the Seanchan, it was Nynaeve, Elayne, and Min, something that set that scene apart from the typical damsel in distress sequence. That said, I wish there were more major female characters in this book. A Nynaeve, Elayne, and/or* Aviendha to Vin’s Egwene/Min. So who else is there besides Elend? Maybe one of the other Mistings, I suppose, but it seems like they might be busy with the rebellion at the moment. Sazed already rescued her once, so I don’t see that happening again so soon.

(*and/or...Andor haha WOT jokes, I crack myself up. Sorry, I’ll see myself out.)

 •I’ve seen complaints about BS’s humor, but I’ve laughed at few things in this book, so maybe his sense of humor is similar to my own.

 •Chapter 37

“Valette...she went into the palace a few hours back. I’m sorry lad. She’s probably in the Lord Ruler’s dungeons right now—assuming she’s even still alive.”

I can see my suspicions about where this is going coming true already. Elend to the rescue! Oh well, at least she rescued him once already, even though he wasn’t aware of it.

Reen is dead, unless the Inquisitor is lying. So much for my predicted confrontation. I did say I was probably wrong. He died protecting her. Some part of him must have cared about her.

For a minute there I thought Sazed was going to need to be rescued as well, but looks like he might be the rescuer after all. And now Vin gets to protect Sazed. Out of the available outcomes, this was probably the most satisfying. And here comes Elend. So he has his part to play. But Vin gets to save them all, so once again, best possible outcome.

 •Chapter 38

“The Inquisitors would no longer bow before the dictates of inferior men.”

I wonder if the Inquisitors are the Terrismen the Lord Ruler was in contact with during his journey to the Eye of the World Well of Ascension. Some of them seemed to think they were superior to other men.

“A command of Allomancy...”

I guess not, since Terrismen don’t use Allomancy.

 •Turns out that wasn’t Marsh’s body. Marsh the Inquisitor. Rather disturbing. At least he’s still on the side of the good guys.

 •Ba’alzamon the Lord Ruler is defeated, but the Dark One Deepness is still left to threaten the world. For all this snark comparing it to WOT, this ending was satisfying.

 •The Lord Ruler turned out to not be the person who wrote the journal, but one of the Terrismen. I still wonder if he was possessed by the Deepness? The Lord Ruler used both Allomancy and Feruchemy, so maybe it is possible at least some of the Inquisitors were Terrismen. I guess that remains to be seen.

 •Vin came to the same realization about Reen that I did. That’s sweet.

 •Earlier I compared Vin to Egwene and Min, but obviously there is an aspect of her that is like Rand as well, seeing as how she is the main character, and she is the one who defeats the Lord Ruler.

This has been fun, at least for me. On to the next book.

[edelgoth]

matchup commission

@seaweedsallyandhercacklingturtle (it won’t let me tag you for some reason?) thank you so so much for commissioning me!! i actually find it quite touching!! 

i hope you enjoy it (i did my research so!! i hope i did a good job hhh), and if you have any issues or questions, do let me know. thank you once again!!

so, out of the royal siblings, your main match is...

xander!!

i’m a big fan of contrast in relationships, because i think it keeps things interesting and can encourage a ton of growth. and you and xander balance each other out quite well

firstly, you said that you’re very bubbly and optimistic. i think that would contrast delightfully with xander’s more somber, stern demeanour (this, of course, melts during alone time)

i think xander fits the bill when it comes to balancing out your fire; he complements you quite well, and as i said, you could encourage a lot of growth in one another. there’s much you can learn from each other! 

dare i say, a power couple? 

xander can be quite stubborn, so i think your open-mindedness could be good for him!! i think you could help him consider a different perspective every so often, and a very fresh one at that. and that’s something that could help him in every aspect of his life!! 

conversely, i think he would be a good balance for your impulsiveness. xander seems to think through everything (at least from my perspective), and would likely encourage you to stop and consider whatever impulsive action you might be about to take 

furthermore, because he’s so cautious, xander might be able to pick up on whether or not someone is untrustworthy before you do. but, he wouldn’t want you to stop being trusting; i think a lot of his cautiousness comes from being so world-weary. trusting too much often comes from a space of loving people wholeheartedly, and he wouldn’t want you to lose that

but, he’d probably prefer it if you deferred to his judgement when he decides someone really isn’t worth your trust 

i think xander really needs to be spoiled every once in a while. he’s a hard worker, and he puts a lot on himself, and he doesn’t have the self-esteem to show for it. on top of it all, he’s also doing his best to be a good brother. i think how you go overboard with making your loved ones happy would be very meaningful for him; mayhaps, it makes him tear up from time to time? but do not tell the others 

something that sticks out to me about xander is how he keeps notes on all the little details and interests of his siblings; you mentioned that you also keep a bit of a mental catalogue of details about people (favourite food, love language, etc.), and it think that’s an interesting trait you share!! 

i think it’d make you both very thoughtful in your relationship, simply because you have similar approaches to loving people? if that makes sense? 

and going off that, i think he’d be excellent at remembering the little things you like; every so often, he’d bring home your favourite flowers, or favourite food, usually coupled with an apology for working so late (because whether it’s in-game or au, you just know that xander is the type to work himself to the bone)

i think he’d love your creative side, and he’d be very encouraging 

i think he’d find your goofiness and sense of humour endearing!! he’s quite straightforward himself, so i imagine there’d be some delightful contrast there. alternatively, i think he could be the type who has a surprisingly goofy sense of humour! either way, it works 

he has a harder time grasping the self-depreciation, just because i feel like,,, he’s struggled with self-image in the past, and with feeling good about himself and his own abilities. so, when he hears you make a joke at your own expense, his instinctive reaction is to be like “NO you’re wonderful!” it’s charmingly sincere, even though you have to reassure him that it’s just a joke 

i think it’s important to highlight that in elise and xander’s supports, it’s revealed that he acted as a surrogate father for her, giving her the support and love that garon didn’t. this links back to the point earlier about how he remembers details; i think you and xander just love in similar ways? 

you’re both very loving and giving to the people who matter to you. and i think it’s something that would be a key foundation in your relationship

furthermore, i think it all points to how he can be very, very reassuring!! i think that’s just in his nature when he cares about someone  

side note: i think he’d learn to love your brothers, as well!! he’s naturally more introverted, and may need the four of you to lead the conversation, but he’d make a sincere effort

side note on the side note: your people-person nature would help him out a bit!! while he’s definitely trained and taught himself to be more extroverted and more comfortable with people, he’d be relieved that he can defer to you sometimes 

also thinks it’s really cute when he sees you with young children

i think he generally fits your profile of an ideal partner; first of all, as touched on several times above, he has the capacity to be very gentle and patient with his partner 

and he’s definitely protective!! i think there’s a bit of a worry-wart in him 

that being said, i think he could be encouraged to try out some of those more adrenaline-fuelled activities you enjoy. he might find trying them out calming, since he’ll probably understand what you’re actually getting yourself into

idk how tall you are, but xander has such tall energy. so, he’s the type to give those all-encompassing hugs that just swallow you up 

and like honestly? i think he’s kind of touch starved; which means endless cuddles 

i think the two of you would be able to understand what it means to have people walk over you. while xander is capable of standing his ground, his relationship with garon shows a different side of him. while it’s only his father who can push him around, xander would, at the very least, understand; and he’d be very harsh about the people who used you

definitely tells you to cut them out, or to stand up for yourself. if you feel you can’t do the latter, then he’s got some Words for them 

i feel like xander would handle your seizures quite well? he’s a trained warrior, after all, and that means he’s good at thinking on his feet and responding in kind. it’s all very instinctual. 

dotes on you forever after the fact. once his adrenaline-fueled response is over, he starts to freak out. he’ll stick by your side for the rest of the day, constantly bringing you water and snacks and blankets and whatever else you might ask for 

it’s not that he hasn’t done his research, it’s just that i feel like he might,,, be the type to catastrophize when overwhelmed with information. because he cares about you, and because seizures are something he doesn’t quite understand, he tends to freak out a little 

xander is quite busy, however, and sometimes he struggles to fit time for the two of you into his schedule 

but, when he does get time with you, he goes all out. he pushes himself to remind you how much you matter to him, to encourage you to speak your mind, and to shower you with the care and attention that you show other people 

those quiet moments he gets with you are his favourite, and whenever things are bearing down on him, he’ll recall them; and he’s always looking forward to the next time 

i think he’s be very mindful with it if you told him about your emotional abuse and the toxic people in your past, tbh. because he knows that you haven’t been treated right, he’s going to go above and beyond to show you what you’re worth 

whenever you two do have conflict (which i don’t think would be super common?), he’d still be mindful not to give you the silent treatment and to give you the space to speak your mind; he doesn’t want to put you through the very same 

xander evaded me a bit when i tried to think of his mbti type, but i’m going to tentatively put him down as an istj 

that’s not usually listed as a highly compatible type with infjs, but i perceive that as meaning that there’s a lot of growth and development that you could offer each other 

i don’t have much to say on the point but please just imagine: xander, his arms overflowing with your three bunnies. that is all 

as for your alternative matchups...

leo!! 

i,,, kept changing my mind over which nohrian guy to match you with. kept flipping. i mean i chose xander but leo surely gave him a run for his money,,, 

once again with the contrast; like xander, i think your personality complements leo quite well!! 

you balance each other out, and honestly i think it’d be quite cute. you definitely have the “someone will die.” “of fun!” vibe going on 

he’s more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of guy, whereas you’re the people-person. i think this can work quite well in a relationship (even when it comes to things like your forgetfulness -- leo takes notice of those details instead), and i think you can offer each other a new perspective?? 

leo appreciates your open-mindedness not so much in that he wants to do things with you, but more so because he enjoys being able to just,,, talk to someone about the things that he studies and that he’s interested in 

so, as long as you’re willing to lend an ear and maybe ask a few questions, he’s going to be (secretly) delighted!! 

i feel like,,, leo’s going to make you smile and laugh and he’s not even going to realise why, if that makes sense? you’ll just start giggling to yourself over something he said and he’s just like ?????

but a part of him feels very proud that he’s managed to do that, even if by accident. it just makes his heart feel very Full 

i get this vibe that he has a bit of a ‘magpie eye’ and he just,,, collects crystals and what not to bring them home to you 

that or just,,, random shiny things that he’ll think you like. you’d amass quite the collection 

leo is much less trusting than you, and i think his critical eye would help protect you from people who might walk all over you

on the other hand, i think your temperament would help him open up and trust people a bit more? i think he’s always going to be cautious, but you’d help him,,, not assume the worst, if that makes sense 

leo’s a bit of a romantic at heart, and i think he’d be surprisingly affirming and patient!!

he’s a smart guy, and he’s going to pick up on the fact that you tend to be self-conscious in your relationships 

so, he’ll try to do and say things to help you feel comfortable and seen. whether that’s encouraging you to speak up, or paying close attention to the things that upset you and rectifying his behaviour, leo definitely would make an active effort to help you feel more comfortable 

he’d also be able to see that in how much you give to other people; so, he’d make sure that he could tell you, as best he could and in his own way, that he genuinely appreciates you 

balances out your impulsive side quite well. leo thinks through everything, and once again, he’s cautious. but, on the flip side, i think you could help encourage him to,,, relax every so often 

not as much a fan of your more adrenaline-filled hobbies, though. i think those are more likely to stress him out 

genuinely enjoys your creativity!! i sort of headcanon that, if things had been different, he might have a bit of an artistic streak himself. he loves seeing what you’ve made, both with a constructive critical eye and the gaze of a proud partner 

covers your ass when it comes to forgetting the very day things. leo’s just very observant, i think, and he takes stock of everything; so every time you walk out without your wallet, leo’s only a few steps behind, ready to slip it into your pocket 

i think he’d get your humour a bit more than xander does? while he has a bit of an inferiority complex, i feel like leo would be able to see the comedy in poking fun at yourself, and may even find it cathartic idk 

like xander, leo would be quite good at handling your seizures. he’s level-headed and clever, and he’s definitely studied up on them to know what to do

however, i feel like he’d be calmer with you afterwards, unlike xander. because he would’ve researched it deeply, he’d know to trust you in your nonchalance; and if he was worried, he’d know exactly how to take care of you. 

i keep changing my mind on leo’s type, but i think a strong case could be made for intp!! 

funnily enough, the differences between auxiliary fe and auxilary ti is nicely summarized in that portion where i talk about how you two could balance each other out  

(alternatively i can easily see him as an intj which i think still works despite being vastly different but,,, infj & intj have the potential to get along quite well, largely due to their shared ni. i do think fe and te have a lot to learn from each other, though!!) 

and finally...

hinoka!!

you said you’ve been matched with her twice and i can see why!! 

you both have this energy that i think will mesh really well, and she definitely matches your fire 

first of all, you both enjoy high-adrenaline activities. i think that’s something you’d really bond over, and would usually the centre piece of your dates 

probably how you got to know each other, tbh 

loves how open-minded you are; hinoka seems like the type to want to try everything with you, and to show her all the things that she loves 

i hope you’re not afraid of heights because you bet she’s getting on the back of her pegasus

i think she’d quite enjoy how bubbly and optimistic you are, and she’d bounce off that very well. while she can be quite serious, i think hinoka would really let her guard down around you

hinoka’s tough and hard-working, but she also has a sensitive side; i think you’d be someone she could sincerely trust with those emotions 

you can both be impulsive, which is a double-edged sword. while it’s something you can certainly connect on, idk who’s going to rein the both of you in

it’ll probably end up being ryoma, let’s be real 

hinoka’s naturally very protective, and she’d be furious at anyone who walked all over you. she’s definitely the sort of partner who would stick up for you (for better or worse), and is constantly reminding you of your worth and how important you are to her 

hinoka gives the best hugs. no, i do not take constructive criticism-- 

hinoka definitely has a goofy sense of humour too. like without a doubt. you two have a ton of inside jokes that the rest of the hoshidan family either cringe at or don’t understand. but who cares? you’re having the time of your life 

you both have a lot of love to give, and you care so much about the people close to you. i think that’s a really important thing to share in a relationship, and it’d do the two of you a world of good to know that the amount of emotional energy you’re putting in will be reciprocated!!

definitely gets embarrassed when you go all out for her, though. never knows how to respond. usually just blushes to the high heavens

you’re both very forgetful when it comes to the mundane, though; idk how you two are going to work your way out of that one 

would love hanging out with your brothers though!! i feel like hinoka is quite extroverted and as long as you guys were doing something fun, she’d be down 

i think she’d also be the type of partner who’s good with surprises? like she pays attention to those close to her, and she really wants to show you that she loves you. so if that means grabbing food on the way home or a bouquet of your favourite flowers? she’s going to go out of her way to do it 

i feel like she’d have a major soft spot for animals? she has her pegasus, of course, but i think that affection does spread out. i get the feeling she might not be the best at handling animals such as bunnies (smaller animals need a certain touch of delicacy, it seems), but she very much adores them

loves dogs though, and definitely bonds with each and every dog she meets; maybe it’s her own puppy-like nature that draws them to her? 

while i’m not 100% on my analysis here, a good argument could be made for typing hinoka as an estp. she has the extroverted sensing (se) presence and brashness, but the extroverted feeling (fe) compassion and attentiveness. estps can work quite well with infjs, as they have the exact same functions, just inversed

so, there’s a lot of potential to teach one another and to grow from the relationship!! 

and since you only requested a small group of characters, i thought i may as well give you my thoughts on your compatibility with the rest of them!! 

elise - i tossed up whether or not to make her one of your main or alternate matches, but i’m really not sure on how old she’s supposed to be? of course, these sorts of things are written with the assumption that the character is older than 18, but,,, she still acts quite young, i think? so i think that might be something that could cause (albeit small) issues for the two of you. 

however, i think you would have a wonderful bond!! you’re both bubbly, optimistic, and deeply loving, and elise definitely has a lot more levity than some of your main matches. i think she fits the bill for being very reassuring, since she just needs to tell people that she loves them So Much (and she’s very active in her relationships!! she’s not afraid to tell people how she feels!!) and, she’d love group hangouts with your brothers; the more the better, tbh. and, i think she’s absolutely the type to bring you home surprises. that just seems very on brand for her. 

furthermore, i think she’d jive quite well with your energy and your enthusiasm for life (that’s the vibe you’ve given me!) so i do think elise is a great fit. with both leo and xander, she absolutely adores you as an older sister figure. easily the member of the family that makes you feel the most welcome. 

ryoma - i couldn’t figure out where to place him, and i kept putting him in your alternate matchups then taking him out, and vice versa. for whatever reason, i have a hard time getting a grasp on how you two would get along? 

i think you have this,,, vivacity to you that contrasts with ryoma’s very calm, collected demeanor. i think that there’s a nice contrast there, but ryoma comes off as the sort of person who has a difficult time “letting loose”. i guess a simple way of putting it is that i feel like he’s just a bit too serious? 

but at the same time, ryoma can be very impulsive? he sort of just,,, charges into battle. and i don’t think having two impulsive people together is always the best thing? 

funnily enough, i could level that same point of conflict at xander; but, i feel like you and xander just have more to connect over?? but, like i said, i’m having a hard time grasping how you two would work in a relationship. it’s an enigma. i think it’s because xander gives off more of a ‘vulnerable’ vibe to me (which may just be because the events of the story tends to put him in positions where he has to grapple with his inner conflict), whereas ryoma seems a bit more wise and grounded? i’m going to stop myself before i write a whole essay i’m so sorry 

sakura - i have a similar issue as i did with elise, in that,,, the age is so vague ddlkfdj BUT i think there’s definitely potential for you and sakura, but it’s something you’d have to work for. sakura is a darling, but i think she might find your exuberance for life overwhelming sometimes. i think it’s a case where she’d struggle to keep up with you at first. furthermore, i think she’d share your tendency to be self-conscious in relationships, which would likely create an anxiety loop.

that being said, i think the two of you would still get along really well. you’d both flourish in a friendship, and while it seems like she’s a lot quieter than you (and certainly more reserved), i think she’d really enjoy your personality? i think you’d have a great rapport, where you can play to your strengths in your relationship.

camilla - i think that you and camilla would be able to connect quite well, as you’re both very loving and giving. i think regardless, you’d be able to have quite a good understanding of each other on the best of days? 

but, all that being said, i think that camilla can exhibit some toxic tendencies from time to time. that’s a big reason as to why i haven’t put her higher up. camilla is so loving and cares so much about those close to her, but she can be very emotionally dependent. i think if you guys found ways to work through those behaviours, that’d be good, but overall,,, i just think everyone listed above would be a better fit? 

but, like elise, she would be very welcoming when you joined the family (after she’s worked out that she can trust you, though, and you don’t mean any harm to her beloved siblings), and i really do think camilla at her best emulates a lot of your most admirable traits!! 

takumi - honestly? i think he can just be a bit too harsh. while i think there’d be that balance that i love in relationships, your differences may be too extreme at the beginning. the clash between his more cautious approach and your tendency to trust people illustrates this quite well. i think there’s also just,,, a lot to work through for the both of you, and tamuki can be abrasive when it comes to dealing with his own insecurities. he’s very loving and he cares a lot for those close to him, but it’s going to be a long trek. i think that there are certainly elements that could work well, but it would be so much work. 

[harry-lloyd]

While Season 3 was still shooting, Collider got the opportunity to tour the incredible sets at Paramount Pictures in Hollywood and participate in a series of interviews to talk about all things Legion. Here are the highlights from what actor Harry Lloyd, who’s playing iconic X-Men character Charles Xavier, aka Professor X, said during a group interview on set where he talked about not fully realizing who he would be playing when he was offered the role, what it’s like to take on such a well-known comics character, the homework that he did, how this version is different from what we’ve seen previously, how Charles reacts to meeting his adult son, time travel, the Shadow King, what’s still to come in Episodes 307 and 308, and whether we might see him in the famous wheelchair.

Question:  How does it feel to play Professor X?

HARRY LLOYD:  It’s great. So, I got this call in December saying, “You’ve been offered a part in Legion.” And I was like, “Amazing!” And the breakdown was, “His name is Charles. He’s a war veteran, but believes in the good of humanity.” And I was like, “Sounds interesting.” I didn’t realize. And then, they said, “You’ve gotta Skype with Noah [Hawley] on Monday.” So I spent the weekend watching the first season of Legion, and realized, which I hadn’t done before because I hadn’t seen it, that the X in the title was the big link back to the Marvel Universe. So then, I was talking Noah that Monday and asking him questions, and he was told me about Episode 3, and then about Episodes 7 and 8. He was chatting and saying, “Of course, Charles does this. Charles Xavier . . .” And I was like, “Wait, what?! Oh!” I pretended that I knew, but I hadn’t pieced it together. But then, obviously, that made it even more exciting. I’m not really in the business of being offered parts, out of the blue, so it’s been a wonderful adventure. And then, I had to sort out moving to L.A. for three months. Luckily, my wife and dog and baby all followed me, and it’s been great. It’s such a fun show to work on. Even just doing a few episodes, there’s a crazy creative crew who are always doing really interesting stuff in the camera. They’ll say to you, “This is how it’s written, but we’re gonna do something a bit different.” It’s just really collaborative and playful, and it’s a really close knit, little family. It’s been absolutely brilliant.

Did you look at any previous performances?

LLOYD:  I did my homework. I watched all of Legion, I watched all of the X-Men films, and I’d seen a couple of them, back in the day, and I went to this great comic store, called Mega City Comics in Camden, in London, and I found a really good geek there who found me a lot of different source material. One of my favorite things about Legion is that, having watched the X-Men films, and seeing [James] McAvoy and [Patrick] Stewart in these live-action portrayals of him, and the comics, and the different things that they had in common, but then you look at Legion and it gives you permission to throw that all away, to a certain extent. I’m glad that I saw it, so that I knew what I was getting into. It’s such an irreverent, ridiculous, surreal show, that I didn’t feel that I had to do the straight-laced Charles that we know. The story that we’re telling doesn’t really allow for him to always be in control and very pope-like. He’s a young man, and he’s been thrown into his own story before he’s ready because of what’s happening in the future with David. He’s actually quite lost for most of it. So, to play someone who’s normally quite grounded, thoughtful and deliberate in his actions, and to see him before he gets there, as a young man who’s confused and doubtful and exploring his own powers, and it’s his first time ever on the astral plane, that’s been really fun.

How is your version of the character different from the past live-action versions?

LLOYD:  We started off doing Episode 3, which is entirely in flashback, and that’s the story of how Charles came out of the war and ends up in this sanatorium, or mental institution, and falls in love with Gabrielle. The way he uses his powers, at that point, is to get into the heads of men with PTSD and help them, but he hasn’t really unleashed them, or thought of them, in terms of doing a wider good. He’s still keeping a lid on it, and keeping it very secret and private, and living in hiding himself. And then, he goes and moves to suburbia and has this child, and he stats this new life with this woman. He makes this prototype of a cerebral type contraption. That’s when he sees Farouk, for the first time, in his basement. It’s this man in Morocco, who has the same power as him, and then, this big change happens. When he realizes that he’s not alone, he becomes very serious and quite fraught, and actually abandons his wife and child. He’s quite perturbed by it, but he also cannot avoid it. I felt that he realized that he’d been in denial, for a long time, about what he had, and he has to explore this. Charles, suddenly, is now in the realm of someone else with seemingly even greater powers than he. He’s constantly waking up in a different place, and he feels like he’s in a dream. You realize, watching Dan Stevens’ performance, from the first two seasons, there are so many times when he seems to be reacting to something that’s not there, and it’s very staccato and confused, and it’s almost like he’s in a dream. I found this Charles, who was quite composed in Episode 3, suddenly becoming more like his son, in terms of how he’s reacting to baffling situations.

Since he hasn’t met other mutants yet, how does he react to meeting his adult son?

LLOYD: Before I read the script, I was thinking, “How’s that scene gonna go?” I, myself, have a baby daughter who’s about the same age as baby David is to Charles, and I was imagining that, if I met her when she’s in her 30s, my first reaction would be, “I’m so glad you’re okay. This is great. I’m so excited. I have so much to ask.” But then, very quickly, Charles learns about the reality of the life his son has had, ever since he was given up for adoption, and the miserable life that he’s had, in mental institutions and causing death and dealing with his powers. We haven’t really started filming the aftermath stuff yet, which we’re doing in the next few days, but after then, he’s just massively guilty. It’s very emotional for him, and he’s still just dealing with the joy of having a baby. He doesn’t actually know yet how to be a father, or to take responsibility for his son. For Episode 7, his journey is to take responsibility for this mistake that he made. Trying to save him actually exposed him to this danger, so he wants to help him, and then going into the final episode, they’re now a team.

So, time travel is not a problem for Charles Xavier?

LLOYD:  Time travel is not a problem for Switch, piggybacked by David. So much happens that, suddenly he’s in Morocco, and Charles is a smart guy. We don’t have to telegraph it, but when he’s out of his depth, he’ll also be using his own powers. When he’s looking at someone who he doesn’t understand, he’ll also be reading their mind, so he’s not gonna be quite as lost as someone else. And I feel that he’s someone who after awhile goes, “Maybe I am in a dream, but I’m gonna go with it.” He’s just very perceptive and very thoughtful, and he’s watching. Sometimes things still come out of nowhere, but as you get into the episodes, he embraces the weirdness. And then, when this man turns up, he doesn’t just say, “I’m your son.” He says, “Open your mind.” So, he knows it’s his son. It’s not that he doesn’t believe him because he sees inside. And then, he’s introduced to the astral plane. He’s introduced to so many different facets of the series, quite quickly. It would be too much for some people, but I feel that Charles just about can handle it.

Who was Amahl Farouk, before he was the Shadow King?

LLOYD:  From what I can see, based on the Farouk I’ve seen in the last seasons, and the Amahl that I’ve met in Episode 3, the one simple difference is that Amahl is excited and naughty and playful and mischievous, whereas Farouk is more cynical.

Does this show make you think more about the effect of a parent’s actions on a child’s life?

LLOYD:  Yeah, I think so. When you get to the end Episode 7 and into Episode 8, you’ll really see how that feels, in these scenes that I do with David, in a room that’s in his own mind. He creates a safe place so that we can actually talk and catch up, and that’s when I learn this barrage of information that’s air-dropped into my brain. I think about any parent taking responsibility for aspects of your child that you don’t want to. You can’t disassociate yourself, as you would with anyone else, and be like, “Well, I didn’t do that.” For Charles, parenthood is accepting the whole package.

What do you think is the most important aspect of having Charles in this part of David’s story?

LLOYD:  I think because this is the third and final season, you can’t really wrap it up without at least talking about him. It’s great that you actually get to explore him, and it’s great that you have an episode almost without David, setting him up, in time for this finale. One of my favorite scenes, in Season 1 of Legion, was that scene when he finds himself in a blackboard room, in that university classroom, and he’s piecing it together, through all of the madness. He knows that he must’ve had a father, and he pieces it together. I didn’t know much about it originally, but when I saw that scene, I was like, “Okay, so when are we going to meet him?” It became a big question. Through all of the wackiness and weirdness, that’s something that kept you going. You do want to go back to the beginning and find out when the Shadow King entered his mind. Season 1 played with getting Farouk out, and how slippery is. So, it was very clever to introduce the time travel because we really get to see the heart of the matter, and relive it and change it, rather than talk about it, at a distance. I feel that it’s essential for a cathartic resolution, which hopefully, we’ll be able to provide

Do you get to sit in the wheelchair, at all?

LLOYD:  I haven’t seen it, but we still have some left to shoot. There’s been a little bit of rubbing at the temples, which I feel he just does when he’s turning it up to like 11. If I close my eyes, it’s at level two, but if I touch my temples, it’s an 11. That’s when he’s really focused.

[rannadylin]

Fluff, Network, Offspring for Vi; Alignment, Grudge and Question for Anselm; Law, Pistol, Upcoming for Audie; Jaded, Law and Question for Glynis; Alignment, Fluff, Kin, Question and Touch for Ianthe

A-Z Headcanon Asks

Violet:

Fluff :: What hits their soft spot? Doesanything them into emotional goo?Edér’s sense of humor, mostly. Vi is a Very Serious Fluff and hisability to make her laugh even when things are pretty terrible is a large partof her falling for him. Seeing him go all silly over every stray pet theycollect brightens her day, too.

Also, Eothas. It’s obviously gonna be a complicatedrelationship she has with her god after Sun in Shadow, and worse, after hewrecks Caed Nua, but the first time she gets to actually talk to him in theDeadfire just melts her. Her devotion after that point isn’t just theoreticalor practical; she’s delighted to find him, well, likeable, even in the midst of another of his crazy schemes.

Network :: Are they connected to the people?How much do they reach out to others?

She takes that aspect of priesthood very seriously, thoughshe has to push herself to reach out at times when she’s more geared toward thecontemplative, introspective side of her calling. In the Dyrwood, she welcomes secretEothasians to her secret chapel in Caed Nua and has Edér to help her find suchfolk through the Night Market. Apart from church folk, she keeps incorrespondence with some of her family – Audie especially, before the clanvisited Caed Nua, and more of them after that – and with friends from her Dyrwood adventures, especially Kana and, when he bothers to write, Aloth – but she’s not much for socialevents and that kind of networking.

Offspring :: What kind of parent would they be?Would they prefer one, or multiple?She’s got lots of experience wrangling younger siblings, but ofcourse it’s different when it’s your own. Vi’s compassion and resolve and tendencyto give every situation careful thought would all come in handy with her kidsthough; she’s a devoted and caring mother, though on the other hand that“giving things careful thought” can make her hesitate to act quickly whendiscipline is called for. And…given her clan/city traditions…I’m not sure shecould handle having just one child, if she’s going to have any at all. XDThey’re meant to have siblings, right? Lots of those?

In the Soul & Shield world state, she and Edér willprobably adopt. In other world states – Deadfire canon included – she andAnselm will have a bunch. I think that letter to Eidis mentioned at leastthree? There will probably be more after that.

[more behind a cut, so many wonderful questions! ;-D]

Anselm:

Alignment :: What would be their D&Dalignment? How might it come into play?Hmmmm…this is tougher than it seems it should be. I mean he’s got arather particular sense of honor but also does not hesitate to use his Watchauthority to bend the rules if they get in the way. And he was certainly moreselfish in his youth whereas he’s trying to be more altruistic these days, so Isuppose he’s mid-shift from something like Lawful Evil to True Neutral? Oof,that’s my best guess anyway.

Grudge :: How bad does an insult go over? Dothey hold a grudge long?He’s got a lot of confidence (or…well…retains the veneer of it atleast, possibly to cover up a self-doubt that’s been growing since Violet leftand only now being challenged) to shrug off an insult, or more likely fire asubtle comeback. Grudges…are beneath him, mostly. Vengeance is more effective. Why stew over an injury done to you when you have the power to retaliate and assert your own superiority?

Question :: How often do they feel doubt? Whattopics are they defensive about?He’s always doubting whether he’s really any better now than he was whenViolet left. (Recent developments regarding someItzli sisters’ views of him may help to quiet those doubts. 😉)And he’s a little defensive about being a cipher, always expecting people tomistrust him for it and having to prove himself.

Audie:

Law :: What do they think about abiding rules?Are they selective about it?Audie thinks people should abide the rules that she makes, basically. Those that stand in her way, on the otherhand, were ill-advised. (To be fair, the world would run pretty smoothly if she were running it. Pity she wasn’t around when the Engwithans were deifying people.)

Pistol :: Is this character skilled with aweapon? What’s their opinion of violence?Oh, very skilled with her knives, both for stabbing and throwing.Being in the Citlatl militia longer than the rest of the Itzli siblings has hardenedher to violence, as well, though not to a great extent as the city’s been atpeace for all her life and it’s just fairly routine patrols and scouting andsuch for now. She’s not necessarily looking for a fight (not physically, at least: she’s almost always challenging someone at least psychologically) but she won’t back down from one either.

Upcoming :: How much do they think of thefuture? Do they make long-term plans?Lots of contingency plans, I think. She has the most influence onthe family’s business pursuits these days, so she does a lot of networking fortrade contracts (oh, and I think I’ve settled on the family business being inthe textile industry… :-D They totally make fabric from Ginny’s alpaca yarn,too, and some of the embroidery on the finer bolts of cloth and on the garmentsmade for export is done by some Itzli siblings as well as hired employees…) and she oversees plans for production and that sort of thing. But then she also hasPlans B and C and several more degrees of what they’ll do if anything goeswrong. So it’s a long-term series of short-term plans? Sort of?

Glynis:

Jaded:: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?Her life is the gods’. And…she’s a visionary. Like, literally, theHaven is the product of her visions (from the gods, she assumes, and she’s probably right). And theyhaven’t told her anything about settling down happily ever after, so that makesTicatl’s attempts at courtship kind of awkward for a while.

Law:: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?She is a very rule-abiding missionary, convinced that only by being above-boardand doing all that they do among the heathen in the light of Eothas can theyconvince people to convert. (On some level she feels like consorting with Ticatl is breaking the rules, though asfar as I know there isn’t any such rule, but it’s more to do with her role asRectrix and her fear of dividing her attention too much if she falls in love…atsome point she was, ahem, selective enough about that self-imposed rule thatshe did in fact end up pregnant, though, so there’s that.)

Question:: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?She is not a philosopherlike Violet, so rather than welcoming doubt as a chance to examine the truth closer,she tends to try to outshine it and cling tighter to the tenets of Engwithanfaith, of which she’s pretty enthusiastically convinced. She’s a littledefensive about her visions of the Haven, when that first starts happening andshe’s trying to convince the other missionaries they need to build this thing.

Ianthe:

Alignment :: What would be their D&D alignment? How mightit come into play?Hmmmmm. Lawful neutral maybe, given her respect for authority evenwhen she’s not fully on board with Thaos’ methods?

Fluff :: What hits their soft spot? Does anything them intoemotional goo?Hugs from Glynis. Appreciation – Ianthina so regularly feelsoverlooked and persuades herself to just live with it, that if someone treatsher with genuine regard it’s a little overwhelming (and she’s forever grateful,once she gets over the initial suspicion depending on where said regard iscoming from).

Kin :: What’s their role among their relations? Do theyconsider others family?Hmmm well for actual blood relations, her parents died young but Idunno [yet] why, and I don’t think she had much other family – no siblings,maybe an aunt or uncle or something out there? And of course she ends upviewing Thaos as a father figure but that takes a while. I don’t know if sheeven got to the point of considering Glynis like family, though she’ll alwaysconsider her as her best friend, but their time together in training was brief,relative to the rest of Ianthe’s time in the gods’ service. (As for hersort-of-stepmother Deoiridh, in whatever version of the story gives them achance to get to know each other better, she kind of views her more asa…sister, or cousin or something, but keeps that view to herself. XD)

Question :: How often do they feel doubt? What topics arethey defensive about?Having had her doubts about the gods confirmed after theInquisition, and yet coming back to serve them anyway, she’s got a tendency nowto be even more skeptical and assume her doubts about anything are true. But tostill do what seems most practical, even if contrary to her doubts. She’s defensiveabout her role in the Inquisition, especially the lover she had who went overto Iovara’s cause, but she’s even more defensive about her inclination to mercyafter she returns to the gods’ service. It goes against all her practical nature,after all; but she’s just seen too muchruthlessness in the Inquisition to let that be her first resort anymore, evenif she feels at first like this disappoints her mentor…

Touch :: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubblebig?She’s fairly aloof, definitely a big bubble, maybe something to dowith being an only child. Glynis was almost instantly granted an exception tothis standoffishness – look, when the first acolyte you meet in the barracks upon enteringtemple training greets you with an enthusiastic and very fluffy hug and then lookschagrined at overstepping and clearly hopes she hasn’t started off on the wrongfoot with her new roommate, sometimes you can’t help but set aside your awkwarddiscomfort and tell her it’s fine. And take a liking to this fluffy littleidealist with eyes as big as her dreams who clearly needs a more sensiblefriend to help rein in her wilder ideas. (Oh goodness, I really need to writesome early Ianthe & Glynis fic, don’t I?)

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Iron Man 2 (2010)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, three times.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Three (15% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Seventeen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

A mess of illogical plot contrivances that does nothing good with the themes of the first film, but still entertaining on a basic level.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

‘Natalie’ attends to Pepper; they pass again later. Pepper and Christine trade a line.

Female characters:

Pepper Potts.

Natasha Romanoff.

Christine Everheart.

Male characters:

Ivan Vanko.

Anton Vanko.

Tony Stark.

Howard Stark.

Happy Hogan.

Larry.

Senator Stern.

Justin Hammer.

James Rhodes.

JARVIS.

Elon Musk.

Goldstein.

Major Allen.

Nick Fury.

Phil Coulson.

Jack.

Meade.

OTHER NOTES:

Naturally, Tony’s opening presentation includes a bevy of half-naked dancing girls, because Tony loves women as shiny pretty objects. Yay.

Don Cheadle is a superior Rhodey. Terence Howard was good, don’t get me wrong, but I get so much more organic personality from Don Cheadle. 

Hammer calling Tony ‘Anthony’ at the hearing is such a power move. It’s really the only power move (or at least the only successful one) Hammer makes in the whole movie.

Happy, you asked for that ass-kicking, and you know it.

“I want one.” Cool, Tony. She’s a person. If you had a respectful history with women at this point, I would let this line pass without mention, but...ya don’t. 

Pepper is VERY rude to other women. It’s not endearing.

Second-hand embarrassment over Hammer is so so real.

Ah yes, glass showering everywhere. My kind of party. 

Tony requesting a phat beat is gold. I don’t know if him cracking up laughing as he said it was scripted, ad-libbed, or pure accident on Robert Downey Junior’s part, but it’s what sells the line. It wouldn’t have been half as funny if he’d just said the line straight-faced.

If you missed the post-credits scene at the end of the first Iron Man, then this is Nick Fury’s first appearance: asking Tony to get out of the giant donut. The narrative here really treats Fury like we’re totally familiar with him at this point, and considering the extreme brevity of that post-credits scene, it’s kinda weird.

So, wildly-rich Howard Stark had his partner DEPORTED for daring to want to make money from his work? He didn’t actually do (or attempt) anything nefarious, he just wanted to get paid? And we’re supposed to shrug it off and think deporting him was the right call? Howard kept his partner’s work - including the profits! - for himself, and hung the other guy out to dry like a total jerk, and, what? The whole thing is just kinda mentioned in a throw-away fashion as an explainer, with no implication that Howard was in the wrong at all, and it’s VERY dissonant. What the fuck.

Those strawberries look very plastic.

So, how did Howard magically know to hide those blueprints to a new element in a scale model that would one day save his son from Palladium poisoning that Howard had no way of knowing he would have? This is so many levels of idiotic nonsense I don’t know how they convinced themselves to bother.

Did we NEED Happy oggling Natasha as she gets changed? Was it necessary?

It’s played for laughs, but I appreciate Rhodey making the distinction that even though he’s apologising to Tony for his own behaviour, that doesn’t make all of this any less Tony’s fault. You can be sorry for the way you personally handled something without letting the other person off the hook for their own culpability. Good, important distinction. 

The Big Bad ends up being taken down SUPER fast. Disappointing.

“you guys look like two seals fighting over a grape.”

The good: 

1. Robert Downey Junior’s maddening charisma allows Tony to be great fun despite his many and sundry personality flaws; it is charisma with the strength to carry the entire film, and that’s saying a lot because the film really, really needs the help. 

2. It may have a significant amount to do with the quality of the content being given to the character, but Don Cheadle definitely makes something of Rhodey where the first film barely gave him more life than your average prop. 

3. Tony continues to progress in his relationship with Pepper, with the script allowing space for her to be assertive and express grievances, as well as having Tony respond by actually hearing her this time, considering her perspective, and acknowledging his own shortcomings if not exactly making inroads on overhauling them. It’s not a lot, but there is at least some evidence that we’re making good on Tony’s attempted self-improvement from the first film by working on his basic respect for other people. Damn, it’s REALLY not a lot.

The less good:

1. the introduction of Natasha ‘Black Widow’ Romanoff isn’t terrible, but it’s not strong either, and I ALWAYS forget that she’s even in this movie until I’m watching it and she shows up. The narrative attention paid to how she’s ~super hot~ is frankly overdoing it - her ability to use her appearance as a tool/weapon IS relevant to the kind of character/operative that she is, but the framing hammers the LOOK HOT button so hard it all but obliterates any other presence or function she has in the story. She gets a pretty cool fight scene, but even that is so preoccupied with LOOK HOT (and is also fairly inconsequential to the plot) that it tends not to compute as a demonstration of character, and ultimately Natasha doesn’t leave as much of an impression as she could have with just a little less objectifying camerawork and a little more narrative purpose. Much like with Bruce Banner, I feel like you can ignore Natasha’s introductory film and just pick her up from The Avengers without missing a beat.

2. Also low on purpose: Pepper Potts. Where the first film gave her several plot-instrumental actions to ensure she wasn’t just ‘Tony’s annoying love interest’, this movie doesn’t try very hard to give her a reason for sucking up screen time. Low point: a gratingly unnecessary amount of screaming and not throwing Tony his suit-case (hehe, geddit?) while Happy rams Vanko with his car. The entire set-up is stupid, but the screeching (from Pepper and Happy both, really) sends it all way overboard. Happy also has no real purpose, but the difference is, I don’t care. When Pepper is one of only three female characters around - and one of only two with significant presence - I really, really want the story to give her something more memorable and functionally plot-relevant than screaming in a car.

The bad:

Everything else? This movie has no shortage of problems: it has too many plot threads, and it leaps from one to the next with no sense of cohesion or narrative pacing and then never follows any thread to competent completion. Tony is dying, and that leads to some self-destructive behaviour but ultimately has no relation to any aspect of the plot before it is suddenly and ridiculously rectified in the single most nonsensical contrivance of all the nonsensical contrivances that compose the flimsy backbone of the film. Some daddy issues are sprinkled in there like seasoning, but again, they don’t go anywhere or matter in any way, which is both weird and deeply unfortunate since the idea of Tony dealing with his father’s legacy is both a clear carry-through from the themes of the first film, and extremely relevant to the half-assed Vanko story-line. The plot (’plot’, for lack of a better word, we’ll keep privileging to call it that) doesn’t seem willing to actually get in the dirt with Howard Stark’s transgressions, against his son or against his old business partner, and so we get a handful of telling-not-showing exposition-exchanges with none of the emotional fallout or follow-through that such bombshells deserve. Justin Hammer is in there somewhere (and Sam Rockwell is good fun, but the content doesn’t rise to meet him). There’s also a hearing at the start where Tony defends his right to the Iron Man technology, but the rest of the film completely ignores all of the valid and serious concerns raised by Tony’s arrogance and lack of accountability (topics which will be revisited in future films, with infuriating results), and the obvious conversation - expanding on the first film’s themes again by looking at the Stark weapons-manufacturing legacy - falls completely by the wayside within minutes so that we can focus on the completely unfocused senselessness of the rest of the ‘story’. Oh! And don’t forget the completely awkward inclusion of SHIELD! What better way to set up for The Avengers film than to just drape some pointless extra character presence over an already overstuffed ‘plot’? 

All of it together is an absolute mess of a movie that feels kinda like it was constructed by a game of beer pong, with different plot ideas written on Styrofoam cups and the creative team way too fucking smashed by the end of it to realise that beer pong is the wrong way to build a story. In my review for The Incredible Hulk, I said there were other contenders for worst MCU film to date, and this is one of them. The Incredible Hulk at least had cohesion up until it went to pieces at the end, whereas the different pieces of Iron Man 2 are so disparate and lacking in gravity that the whole film seems to go for about a decade too long and builds absolutely nowhere in the process. The only entertaining advantage Iron Man 2 can boast is that same old saving grace, Robert Downey Junior, making Tony Stark enjoyable even when you’re not so sure he deserves to be enjoyed. It is a good advantage, no mistake. But there’s only so long you can coast on that, and only so far, and this movie abuses the Hell outta that power until we all welcome the end credits with at least a little bit of relief.