#where's my star. where's S19-

[explosiveunderscore]

...where's my sunshine

[upat4amwiththemoon]

If you still write for Station 19 can I request a Marina x reader fic where Maya and Carina find out R has asthma while on a evening walk? Like the weather is nice and all three are off so they decide not to waste it and go for a stroll? Thanks in advance and if you don't write for S19 then disregard this 😅

Asthma

Summary: Sometimes there isn’t enough air.

Pairing: Marina x female!reader

Warnings: asthma attack that borderlines a panic attack

Word count: 681

a/n: this is for everyone who has to try to hide their wheezing while going up the stairs with someone <3 this fic is literally what happened to me lololol (I have asthma!!)

masterlists | guidelines

Maya, Carina, and Y/N are walking along a small park near their home. The sun is setting down alongside a hill, and the cool autumn air is moving the few already fallen leaves around. There aren't many clouds in the sky, making the brightest stars already visible on the evening sky.

Y/N smiles, closing her eyes as she takes a deep breath, smelling the fresh air around them. They all wanted to get out of the house, starting to feel a little like the walls were falling down on them, especially Y/N, as she doesn't have the same crazy schedules as her girlfriends.

"Want to go up the hill to see the sunset better?" Maya asks, knowing how much Y/N enjoys seeing the sky change its colors.

They all decide it's a good idea, so they start to walk towards the hill. From further away, it deosn't seem like a too big of a climb. However, as they continue walking, Y/N can properly see how steep the hill is. She can feel her breathing get heavier and quicker the moment they step foot on the base of the hill, but she doesn't say anything. It's just a hill, she feels embarrased to struggle while her girlfriends walk on with ease. At the middle of the hill, Y/N's pace begins to slow down. Her breaths in and out are short and quick paced, but she makes them as quiet as possible so Maya and Carina wouldn't hear. She continues pushing on.

Right before the top, the hill becomes even steeper. Maya and Carina are already at the top, enjoying the way the sun is painting the sky. At the last steps, Y/N's breathing turns audibly wheezy, getting her girlfriends' attention. They walk over to her, worry clear on their faces as they try to ask Y/N what's wrong, but she can't hear properly through the thumping in her ears.

She feels Carina’s hands gently pushing her to the ground. She sits down, her panicked eyes moving between Carina and Maya. “I c-“ she gasps, her lungs feeling like they’re collapsing, “I can’t breathe.”

“You have to calm down, bellezza.” Carina rubs her back, while Maya helps her take off the tight shirt she is wearing. “Take long and deep breaths for me.”

Y/N follows Carina’s instructions to the best of her abilities. It takes a while for her breathing to settle down, which scares both Maya and Carina, as they’ve never experienced something like this with Y/N.

Once Y/N’s breathing is normal, though slightly heavier, Maya grabs her still shaking hand. “What happened?”

“I have asthma.” Y/N tells with a sheepish look on her face.

Her girlfriends look shocked, and slightly alarmed they weren’t made aware of her condition. “Where’s your inhaler?” Maya is frowning.

“I don’t have one.” She mumbles, biting her lower lip. “Well I do, but I haven’t picked up my new dose yet.”

“That could’ve ended very badly, bellezza.” Carina sets her hands on Y/N’s cheeks, making her look at her. “You have to tell us these things so we know what to do when something like this happens. You also need to have an inhaler with you at all times.” Her doctor voice comes out, which Y/N usually finds very attractive, but right now she just feels like a scolded child.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Maya helps Y/N up, giving back her shirt that she slips on. “Tomorrow morning, we’ll go and get it right when the pharmacy opens.” She states, leaving no room for negotiation.

Y/N nods with a small smile, her gaze moving to the sky. “The sun has already set.” She pouts, feeling guilty they missed it because of her attack.

“It sets every night, we’ll catch it again.” Carina tubs her back while they start walking down the hill and back to their house, now in a much slower pace. “But lets not up that hill again.” She grins, kissing Y/N’s cheek.

[the-bitch-files]

Great LAW & ORDER: SVU Guest Stars (And Where Else You Might Have Seen Them)

As one of the longest-running prime-time crime procedural dramas on TV, which is currently entering its 26th season, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit has had its fair share of guest stars. From those actors appearing on the show before making it big, to big stars (including Oscar and Emmy winners!) popping in for a guest appearance, SVU has attracted a range of talent, just like its parent show, Law & Order.

Below is a list of various guest stars from Law & Order: SVU, split into different categories to tell you where you might have seen them before. The list is under the cut, since it's a pretty long list!

BOARDWALK EMPIRE

Michael Pitt (Jimmy Darmody) - S3xE13 "Prodigy" Paul Sparks (Mickey Doyle) - S2xE08 "Manhunt" Michael Shannon (Nelson Van Alden/George Mueller) - S6xE13 "Quarry" Christiane Seidel (Sigrid Mueller) - S12xE01 "Locum" Michael K. Williams (Chalky White) - S5xE11 "Escape" & S8xE07 "Underbelly" Paz De La Huerta (Lucy Danzinger) - S1xE18 "Chat Room" Bobby Cannavale (Gyp Rossetti) - S3xE11 "Monogamy" Patricia Arquette (Sally Wheet) - S14x09 "Dreams Deferred" Brian Geraghty (Agent Warren Knox/Jim Tolliver) - S11x11 "Quickie" & S16xE20 "Daydream Believer"

RIVERDALE

Lili Reinhart (Betty Cooper) - S13xE09 "Lost Traveler" Casey Cott (Kevin Keller) - S18xE19 "Conversion" Skeet Ulrich (FP Jones) - S12xE03 "Behave" Marisol Nichols (Hermione Lodge) - S05xE03 "Mother" Luke Perry (Fred Andrews) - S10x01 "Trials"

CHILD STARS

Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) - S06xE01 "Birthright" Jennette McCurdy (iCarly) - S06xE11 "Contagious" Elle Fanning (Somewhere, Maleficent, Super 8) - S08xE08 "Cage" Anna Chlumsky (My Girl) - S13xE03 "Twenty-Five Acts"

MODERN FAMILY

Julie Bowen (Claire Dunphy) - S10xE01 "Trials" Sarah Hyland (Haley Dunphy) - S03xE01 "Repression" & S10xE12 "Hothouse" Ty Burrell (Phil Dunphy) - S03xE15 "Execution" Ariel Winter (Alex Dunphy) - S21xE02 "The Darkest Journey Home"

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

Natasha Lyonne (Nicky Nichols) - S13xE08 "Educated Guess" Samira Wiley (Poussey Washington) - S16xE21 "Perverted Justice" Pablo Schreiber (George 'Pornstache' Mendez) - S08xE15 "Haystack" as Dan Kozlowski), S14-15 (as William Lewis) Elizabeth Rodríguez (Aleida Diaz) - S13xE14 "Home Invasions" Laura Gómez (Blanca Flores) - S16 Laverne Cox (Sophia Burset) - S09xE16 "Closet" Taryn Manning (Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Dogget) - S12xE12 "Possessed"

TEEN SHOW & MOVIE STARS

Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina the Teenage Witch) - S9xE03 "Impulsive" Peter Gallagher (the OC) - S16, S17, S18, S19 & S20 James Van Der Beek (Dawson's Creek) - S13xE20 "Father Dearest" Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill) - S16xE07 "Chicago Crossover" & S16xE20 "Daydream Believer" Mischa Barton (the OC) - S11xE14 "Savior" Ian Somerhalder (the Vampire Diaries) - S4xE20 "Dominance" Paul Wesley (the Vampire Diaries) - S2xE01 "Wrong is Right" & S7xE04 "Ripped" Hayden Panettiere (Heroes, Scream 4, Ice Princess) - S02xE11 "Abuse" & S06xE15 "Hooked" Amanda Seyfried (Mean Girls, Jennifer's Body) - S06xE05 "Outcry" Brittany Snow (John Tucker Must Die, Pitch Perfect) - S07xE22 "Influence" Jennifer Love Hewitt (I Know What You Did Last Summer, Party of Five, Can't Hardly Wait) - S12xE03 "Behave" Matthew Lillard (Scream, She's All That) - S10xE16 "Ballerina" Mae Whitman (the Perks of Being a Wallflower, Tinker Bell, One Fine Day) - S09xE11 "Streetwise"

SITCOM STARS

Debra Messing (Will & Grace) - S12xE17 "Pursuit" Eric McCormack (Will & Grace) - S11x02 "Sugar" John Stamos (Full House) - S12xE22 "Bang" Bob Saget (Full House) - S8x09 "Choreographed" Jane Krakowski (30 Rock) - S05xE23 "Bound" Dreama Walker (Don't Trust the B- in Apartment 23) - S16xE10 "Forgiving Rollins" Rainn Wilson (The Office) - S04x08 "Waste" Brad Garrett (Everybody Loves Raymond) - S17E22 & E23 "Intersection Lives" & "Heartfelt Passages" Henry Winkler (Happy Days) - S03xE20 "Greed" Bebe Neuwirth (Cheers, Frasier) - S01xE03 "...Or Just Look Like One"

MCU STARS

Bradley Cooper (Rocket Raccoon) - S6xE20 "Night" Zoe Saldana (Gamora) - S5xE21 "Criminal" Alfred Molina (Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus) - S6xE20 "Night" Emily VanCamp (Sharon Carter) - S08xE14 "Dependent"

TV STARS

Kyle Maclachan (Desperate Housewives, Twin Peaks, Sex and the City) - S06xE06 "Conscience" & S13xE03 "Blood Brothers" Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City) - S9x01 "Alternate" Bradley Whitford (the West Wing, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) - S15xE22 "Reasonable Doubt" & S24xE15 "King of the Moon" Jennifer Love Hewitt (Ghost Whisperer, 9-1-1) - S12x03 "Behave" Pedro Pascal (Game of Thrones, the Mandolorian, the Last of Us) - S12xE24 "Smoked" Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) - S07x02 "Design" Wentworth Miller (The Flash, Prison Break) - S11x01 "Unstable" (as Nate Kendall), S21xE06 "Murdered at a Bad Address" & S22x06 "the Long Arm of the Witness" (as Isaiah Holmes)

DISNEY STARS (both movie & channel)

Britt Robinson (Avalon High, Tomorrowland) - S10xE05 "Babes" Hilary Duff (Lizzie Maguire, Cadet Kelly) - S10xE19 "Selfish" Sabrina Carpenter (Girl Meets World) - S12E12 "Possessed" Peyton List (Jesse) - S12xE12 "Possessed" (also star of Cobra Kai!)

MOVIE STARS

Kate Mara (The Martian, Fantastic Four) - S02xE09 "Pixies" Rooney Mara (The Social Network, Carol) - S07xE20 "Fat" Sarah Paulson (Down With Love, Ocean's 8) - S11xE12 "Shadow" Lili Taylor (Mystic Pizza, Say Anything) - S16E15 "Undercover Mother" & S16E23 "Surrendering Noah" Martin Short (Father of the Bride, Three Amigos) - S06xE18 "Pure" Alec Baldwin (Beetlejuice, Glengarry Glen Ross) - S15x18 "Criminal Stories" Whoopi Goldberg (Sister Act, Ghost) - S17xE04 "Institutional Fail" Mahershala Ali (Moonlight, Leave the World Behind) - S11x01 "Unstable" Jeremy Irons (Die Hard With a Vengeance, the Lion King) - S12xE13 "Mask" & S12xE20 "Totem" Adam Driver (Star Wars, Marriage Story) - S13x11 "Theatre Tricks" Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct, Casino) - four episode arc as ADA Jo Marlowe in season 11 Patricia Arquette (Bringing Out the Dead, True Romance) - S14x09 "Dreams Deferred" Joan Cusack (Working Girl, Toy Story 2, Addams Family Values) - S12xE01 "Locum" Lea Thompson (Back to the Future, Red Dawn, Some Kind of Wonderful) - S06xE01 "Birthright"

DEAD POETS SOCIETY

Robin Williams (Mr. Keating) - S09xE117 "Authority" Robert Sean Leonard (Neil Perry) - S16xE21 "Perverted Justice," S17xE03 "Transgender Bridge" & S17xE10 "Catfishing Teacher" Josh Charles (Knox Overstreet) - S10x302 "Confession" James Waterson (Gerard Pitts) - S09xE14 "Inconceivable" & S18xE17 "Real Fake News"

BROADWAY / THEATRE STARS

Raúl Esparza - S14-19, Rafael Barba Andy Karl - S17, Mike Dodds Alex Brightman - S22xE05 "Turn Me On, Take Me Private" Eve Noblezada - S22xE05 "Turn Me On, Take Me Private" Roger Bart - S14xE03 "Twenty-Five Acts" Billy Porter - S15xE07 "Dissonant Voices" Patti LuPone - S16xE11 "Agent Provocateur" Daveed Diggs - S17xE05 "Community Policing" & S17xE13 "Forty-One Witnesses Leslie Odom Jr. - S17xE05 "Community Policing" Laura Benanti - S13-15, Maria Grazie (Nick Amaro's wife) Jefferson Mays - S16-17, Carl Rudnick Audra Macdonald - S01xE19 "Contact" & S01xE22 "Slaves" Aaron Tviet - S11xE10 "Beef" & S13xE02 "Personal Fouls"

HOUSE M.D.

Robert Sean Leonard (James Wilson) - S16xE21 "Perverted Justice," S17xE03 "Transgender Bridge" & S17xE10 "Catfishing Teacher" Kal Penn (Lawrence Kutner) - S08xE12 "Outsider" Peter Jacobson (Chris Taub) - S13xE23 "Rhodium Nights," S14xE01 "Lost Reputation," S14xE02 "Above Suspicion" (as Bart Ganzel), S19xE01 "Gone Fishin'" & S19xE13 "The Undiscovered Country" (as Randy Dworkin) Michael Weston (Lucas Douglas) - S08xE16 "Philadelphia," S08x19 "Florida," S08x22 "Screwed," S13xE16 "Child's Welfare," & S21xE06 "Murdered at a Bad Address" Zena Grey (Ruby) - S04xE15 "Pandora" Andre Braugher (Darryl Nolan) - 6 episodes across seasons 13, 14 & 16

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Marcia Cross (Bree Van de Kamp) - S16xE16 "December Solstice" Kyle McLachlan (Orson Hodge) - S06xE06 "Conscience," S13xE03 "Blood Brothers" Mark Moses (Paul Young) - S09xE14 "Inconceivable," S18xE16 "The Newsroom" J.C. MacKenzie (Walter Bierlich) - S7-24 as Brian Ackerman in S7 & S12, and Counsellor Richard Price in S18 & S23-24 Cody Kasch (Zach Young) - S07xE06 "Raw" Richard Burgi (Karl Mayer) - S11xE15 "Confidential"

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (19-25 Jan 2025)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 The Doorbell Rang (Nero Wolfe #41) (Rex Stout, author; Michael Prichard, narrator) - NW & co vs J. Edgar Hoover. Always makes me laugh.

🥰 Death of a Doxy (Nero Wolfe #42) (Rex Stout, author; Michael Prichard, narrator) - possibly my fave NW book. Julie Jaquette, you are a legend

😍 😍 The One Where They're Stars on HGTV (earlgreytea68) - 466K arthur/eames series - what it says on the tin: they're stars on HGTV but also so much more. I don't know how to express how marvelous this series is. The first fic (Fixer Upper) is 8K and is their getting together and could absolutely just stand alone. But then there's another 458K just showcasing their lives for the next 2 years, the shows they do, the entourage/found family they acquire (plus their original family) and it's all just SO FUCKING WELL written and delightful that you never once feel the weight of almost half a million words. Instead I couldn't wait to dive back in and spend more time with them. This is all I read with my eyeballs this week and I am so satisfied with that.

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Home Town - s4, e4 & 17; s6, e2; s8, e17; s9, e4

Fortune Feimster: Crushing It

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - s2, e9

Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #23

Handsome - Melissa Etheridge asks about getting it on

Beyond Paradise - Christmas Special (2024)

Deadpool & Wolverine

D20: Dungeons & Drag Queens - "Through the Venomlands" (s2, e2)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Fae-by, Fae-by, Fae-by, Oh" (s19, e2)

All Creatures Great & Small - s5, e1-3

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Welcome to Night Vale - Patreon Bonus Jan 2025: Broadcasts from the Edge

Short Wave - The science behind the FDA ban on food dye Red No. 3

⭐ The Sporkful - Is Your Recipe Lying To You?

Pop Culture Happy Hour - The Brutalist

Vibe Check - The Baddest Bunny

Pop Culture Happy Hour - One Of Them Days

⭐ Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - Radio Station Jingles: 80 Years of Earworms

⭐ The FanFic Maverick - #CaptainAmerica (Stucky) - Interview With Fanfiction Writer ZenaidaMacroura

Pop Culture Happy Hour - 2025 Oscar Nominations

Pop Culture Happy Hour - The Night Agent

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Mystery Man of Marree

Sherlock Holmes Short Stories - The Man with the Twisted Lip

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

My Mix #6 (The Struts, The Offspring, The HU)

Fleetwood Mac

Light Rock

Ultimate Karaoke Party

Lady Gaga

Lord of the Lost

[onceupona-siren]

Before You Interact & Introduction

Hi, my name is Kieran and welcome to my roleplay blog! I'm 28 and from the United States (EST). This is just a little post to introduce myself and the blog, as well as establish a few ground rules on interactions.

I am open to interact with anyone, however a few things to note: I am crossover friendly but I am NOT OC friendly.

I prefer not to write out NSFW content where other people can read it. I also write on discord (my handle is ame enjouee), so I'm open to write here on tumblr or over on discord. Due to my age, I also prefer to write only with other 21+ partners.

And finally, I write across several fandoms and am a multishipper. I do not tolerate ship bashing and am good friends with the block button. As long as we can all follow those simple guidelines, I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

I prefer to discuss plots before just diving head-first into them and love aus, so please, feel free to just shoot me a message and plot things out! Any and all ships are welcome, but keep in mind that ship bashing is not allowed on my page.

I will post a more detailed muse list in the future that will be continuously updated, but for now, have a list of the fandoms I intend to represent and post about on this blog:

Criminal Minds

911

911 Lone Star

SWAT

One Chicago (Fire, PD, Med)

Station 19 (note: ONLY S19, not Grey's Anatomy)

I hope to be able to create great stories here!

[doctorwhoisadhd]

theres not a lot in blaseball that makes me as powerfully nostalgic as the vibes row. someone came up with the name at the beginning of s16, but when our lineup got reverbed it really caught on bc of just how wildly optimized our lineup accidentally got. honestly after s19 it kind of dissolved — for one thing, val games got vaulted after day 99, and a huge part of the draw was the killer combo of val and beck (both of whom came to the fridays completely by chance during the s14 elections, at a time where they were 2 of literally the 6 best batters in the entire league); for another, while spears taylor had spent nearly the entirety of s19 basically being the only player NOT considered a part of the vibes row, the s19 election marked the first time they were the ONLY lineup player with ≤4 batting stars.

which is funny, because THEY were actually the reason the s16 lineup reverb was so good for us — like i said, the term "vibes row" was invented at the BEGINNING of s16, BEFORE the reverb happened. but the problem was, the last batter in the sequence (val games) was followed by spears, so frequently they would just get stranded on base — the last batter in the fridays half of innings was OFTEN spears, cause they just Never got hits or even walks lmao

the lineup getting reverbed, first of all, moved the vibes row to start with winner as the cleanup hitter (fourth in the lineup) — and spears directly before that. that meant that most of the time, the second inning would get to cycle through the entire vibes row. and since spears still usually meant the end of the fridays turn up to bat, the whole vibes row (winner, val, beck, and eventually lady and don as well) would get to bat all at once pretty frequently.

honestly, once don feedbacked to the team (ending up in the spot right after lady), it was only a matter of time. once he was in instead of bates, nothing was there to separate harrell from being a part of the row as well. which, come to think of it, that's thanks to spears as well — they actually got the hit that Attracted harrell to us in s17.

so. spears taylor was an essential component of what made the vibes row The Vibes Row despite never actually being considered a part of it. which strikes me as Very fridays. i love the vibes row. its honestly one of my all time favorite pieces of fridays history. i miss it dearly.

[artificialqueens]

The Parent Trap, Chapter 9 (Biadore) - Henny

A/N: Thank you for the comments, Hennies! Y’all are making me feel like Ariel in the beginning of Little Mermaid 2 :> I missed all of you too! Sorry if there was a problem with the formatting of the previous chapter; completely my fault!

OH, and if you’re confused with the timeline, I’ll simplify it for you:

RPDR Season 6 (filming) ended around Mid-July of 2013 (assuming it takes about a year or so before it is released). January 2014; Roy and Danny started dating. 6 months after that, June 2014, a month after Bianca wins, they get married. A year later, the couple gets baby fever, so they start looking for the perfect surrogate and egg donor. This is where I deflect a bit from the prologue, it takes them until May 2016 to conceive.

TLDR; the fic takes place July 2026, and RPDR is currently airing S19 with THE AS:BoTW filming the very same year . If I had said anything contrary to those stated above, disregard it. This is the new timeline I’m going to follow going forward.

All the love, Hennies!

XOXO, Henny

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Well, would you be interested in joining the first All-Stars: Battle of the Winners in place of Bianca?”

The way Adore gaped at her phone was almost comedic, mouth opening and closing like a fish. In some way, she’s almost flattered at the fact that Ru called personally instead of a producer. It’s almost very considerate, since the man knew what had gone between Danny and Roy.

“Well, last time I checked, you didn’t crown me, Mama…” Adore adds a teasing tone to her voice, and tries to ignore the nerves that seemed to resurface at the idea of returning back to the competition. It’s been many years since Season 6, and Adore has genuinely forgotten how it feels to be on a platform like that again. Focusing on her music as both Adore and Danny has shifted the focus of her career as a drag queen and performer; and with many seasons passed, she knew her charm has run dry with Drag Race fans.

Ru laughs, the iconic shrill making Adore spiral back into the werkroom. “I didn’t, didn’t I?” He laughs again, and Adore can only imagine him wiping a fake tear. “But, I am planning to release the footage of you and Bianca winning to prove that my decision to invite you has some bearing, at the least.”

Adore inwardly groans again, remembering the night of the finale wherein they filmed the ending of her and Bianca winning together. She feels the ghost of Bianca’s hands squeezing her own as they waved and the sparkly confetti rains and glitters of lights from cameras blinded their eyes; applause and cheers roaring in their ears.

“What will the other queens say? The winners, I mean. It’s not like they’ll consider me a winner, especially the newer queens.” Ever the anxious person that she is, she finds a brush to fiddle with to lessen her anxiety.

“My competition, my rules. Whatever I say goes, Baby. They can say whatever they want, but if they’re smart enough, they’ll pipe up. And, besides…” Ru trails off excitedly, like they were sharing a secret. “Since this is only a Netflix special, I’m only doing the first decade season winners. I’m sure they’ll be nicer to you than recent ones.“

“All of them said yes?”

“All, but one, you already know…”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“So, what do you say?”

“I- I don’t know, Ru. I’ll think about it…”

“Of course, let the producers know soon, alright? Filming starts October! Toodles!”

The call ends, and it takes everything in Adore’s willpower not to throw it to the wall. She looks at her phone’s lock screen and sees the beaming face of Portia, and she manages to calm down. She stands up, grabs a pre-rolled joint in her makeup kit, and heads out of the building after shouting to the manager to inform him about her whereabouts. She normally didn’t do this anymore; smoking, hard liquor, and even hooking up with trades that come her way. Portia had completely turned her life around, and so did Roy and Nerissa. “Fuck,” Tears fill her eyes again at the thought of her daughter who she no longer knew, she sniffles as she takes a long drag of her joint and breathing out harshly.

A tall figure looms over her, and with a tap on her shoulder, she nearly doubled over in fear. “What the fuckkk…” She groans, clutching her heart.

“Oh, sorry… Didn’t mean to scare you.” Adore looks up to meet the steel eyes of a blonde stud with a smug smile on his face.

“Shit, I know you…” Adore murmurs in thought, before she remembers “You’re Brooke, right?”

“Brooke Lynn Hytes, yeah.” He flashes her a beautiful, gorgeous smile, pearly whites and all. “…But right now, uhh,” He looks down to his jeans and plain gray shirt, “You can call me, Brock.”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Okay, give me another one.” Portia looks at her cards, one five of hearts and the other six of spades. It was really late and they just finished washing the dishes of the entire camp after dinner. Not tired from their post-cry-emotional nap earlier, they had decided to play a game of Blackjack. Nerissa deals her another card, and picks one for herself. Portia peaks at the new card, and sees her nine of spades. She joins the cards together, and places them down in triumph.

“20, let’s see yours, Haylock.”

Nerissa drops her cards, a jack of diamonds, two of clubs, and nine of clubs. “Blackjack, bitchh…” She taunts, laughing at Portia’s dismayed face.

“That’s not fucking fair…” Portia drawls, “That’s your 9th time winning, I think you’re cheating…”

“Oh, please. You just play your cards wrong, and sometimes, I’m just really lucky…” Nerissa beams as she watches Portia fix the cards and put it back in their case, murmuring “I don’t want to play anymore.”

“It’s getting pretty late, too. I think we should go to bed.” Nerissa yawns as she grabs her blanket and tries to settle herself in. Portia agrees before standing up to lock their door; to make sure the windows are tightly shut; and to turn off the light. The moon shines at its brightest, a cool silver light shimmers through their window.

“I know it’s late, but I’m not even remotely sleepy.” Portia comments despite the yawn the escapes her.

“Same here,” Nerissa says with droopy eyes.

“Tell me, what’s Bianca like? No… noo…What’s dad like?” Portia asks, adjusting herself so she faces her sister. The mere idea of having a sister and having Roy Haylock AKA Bianca Del Rio, THE Bianca Del Rio is possibly 50% her dad makes her more giddy than anything in the world.

“Dad is probably the most workaholic person you’ll ever meet. He’ll make time for you, yes. But, you can tell that 75% of his mind is just…” Nerissa sighs, “exhausted, if not thinking about work… He really tries though, he hasn’t missed any of my ballet recitals yet nor any PTAs. He’s as active as a busy parent can be.”

“That’s good, I guess…” A hum of agreement, another yawn.

“And not to mention, the free dresses.” She giggles, “How ‘bout our other dad?” Nerissa turns to lie on her back, thinking about her dad who she hasn’t updated in awhile, even though she promised to do so everyday. A sudden urge to hug her dad courses through her body, and subtle pout forms at her lips at the thought of Roy. She missed her dad, she’s still upset about the whole not-telling-her-she-was-a-twin-thing, but she missed him nonetheless.

“He’s pretty chill. I can do anything I want,”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, my dad’s pretty cool. We have the kind of relationship where I can tell him things and… he can tell me things. He’s my best friend, so we just have fun most of the time.” Portia says with mere awe. “But, it wasn’t always like that. There was a time though where he was pretty down in the dumps; he didn’t really have the best mental health back then and his coping mechanism–”

“Hey, this seems kinda personal. You don’t have to tell me this, okay? Only if you’re comfortable doing so.” Nerissa says, her arm crossing its way to pat Portia’s tummy to stop her thought.

“No, no… You’re my sister, and I trust you enough.”

“Okay, if you’re sure… So you were saying?

“Yeah, so, he didn’t have the best coping mechanism. Alcohol is tricky when it gets out of hand. I didn’t mind at first, because I didn’t think it was that bad. I didn’t notice the signs because I was so young. It was only one incident, really, when I understood the gravity of it all. Around June, he nearly drank himself to death. I don’t know why he drank severely that night, but I just found him passed out on his own–” Portia chokes as tears start up with the memory of seeing her dad then. “I was only four then, Riz. I didn’t know what death was, but the minute I saw him– It just rationalized so quickly in my head. I called 911 as fast as I could. I didn’t know what I was saying half the time ‘cuz I was just crying.”

Nerissa places a comforting hand on Portia’s arm as the girl tries to fight the sniffles. When Portia manages to barely win against the tears, she continues, “When we were in the hospital, I was with my Grandma and there was another man, I– I don’t know who, from what I can remember– we didn’t know if my dad was gonna make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Porsche.”

“No, no… It’s fine. Just sucks to remember it. But, he managed to pull through, obviously. He hasn’t drank alcohol in years. So, I’m really proud of him, especially in his line of work, it must be so hard.”

“Yeah, as his 50%-chance daughter and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of him, too. “

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

When Courtney heard the rumors going around backstage that night, she had about ten shots of tequila before coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t tell Roy. But, funny how alcohol works out.

“Yanxxxxx” Courtney drawls out on her phone that she’s struggling to hold up to her ear. But the effort was there. She has absolutely no idea where she is as she presses her warm cheek to the cold faux leather seat of a couch.

“Bitch, did you really just– What?” Roy rolls his eyes as he looks at his phone that hosts Courtney’s current call and the said-blonde on his couch, drooling and staring off into space.

“I gotta–” hiccup “tell you a ssssecret.” Courtney angles her phone to her mouth, so she’s directly speaking to the phone’s microphone. Roy walks over to the drunk girl, grabs her phone and throws it in her purse. He ends the call on his phone before slipping to the kitchen, grabbing a towel and soaking it with cold water. He gives it a good squeeze to remove the excess water before going back to Courtney and placing the towel on her forehead.

“You’re so lucky Riz isn’t here or I would’ve left your drunk ass in the club.” He mutters in annoyance, even though everyone knew he wouldn’t really do that. He could never let anything happen to any of his loved ones, and god knows Riz has seen Courtney or Shane pissed drunk since she was a toddler.

“No,” Courtney says abruptly, hand swatting away Roy’s hand. “Nooooo…” She continues to drawl. “The secret is Ado…” She leans in close, way too close. Roy gets a harsh flashback and hastily pushes Courtney away. With the push, Courtney plops on her back and passes out entirely. Roy sighs, both in frustration and exhaustion. He wouldn’t bother removing Courtney’s makeup, but he did give her the courtesy of removing her wig and cap, as well as unlacing her corset. It all feels familiar to him, taking care of someone and helping them de-drag, except of course, back then he had to strip Bianca off himself and help Danny remove his clothes which then would lead to…

Roy shakes his mind, trying to get rid of the idea before it escalated. He leaves the guest bedroom and makes his way to the kitchen for a glass of wine. He’s just going to pretend he doesn’t know that Courtney was about to say something about Adore as he starts up a design for Rupaul on the granite kitchen counter.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“I can’t believe Biadore was ACTUALLY a thing.”

“How can you not? The tension was so obvious, especially during that one part where Adore said she didn’t want to work with Bianca? The sexual tension was just–” Nerissa fans herself before she receives a slight smack and push on her shoulder.

“Dude, you’re so fucking weird. I don’t wanna think about my dad’s sex life OR YOURS!!”

“I’m just telling the truth! The stare was intense.” Nerissa breaks into a fit of giggles at Portia’s face of slight disgust at the idea. “And speaking of, did your dad date anyone again?” Nerissa asks.

“Never anyone serious enough to introduce to me, no. He’d go on dates, sometimes Adore would go on dates. But, yeah. He never really seemed interested in dating anymore, so he put all his attention to me or his and Adore’s music.”

“Do you call Adore “mom”?”

“No, that’s weird!” Portia snorts, “My dad is, well, my dad. He has his own quirks and personality. And, Adore, to me, is just a whole different person. I can’t explain it. Like, I know he’s Adore Delano through and through. But, my mind just sees Adore like a whole different person.” Portia rolls again to her back, so she’s facing the ceiling like her sister. “How about your dad? Did he date anyone?”

“You know what’s weird? I don’t think he ever did, not even dating or flirting with anyone else. He’s always been so closed off to anyone who showed any particular interest.” Nerissa twiddles with her thumb, before scrunching her nose in distaste. “I mean, in some way, I get it. He’s scared to love again. Uncle Shane always said so. I wish I knew why though.”

Portia hums, thoughtfully. Another pregnant pause looms over their conversation. It has gone on for so long that for a moment Nerissa thought Portia was asleep, until…

“I AM SUCH A FUCKING GENIUS!”

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight |

[appleciders]

personally, im also deep in the station 19 muck but like you i wish i wasn't. randomly watched it because pandemic and maya bishop is just so compelling, even with all the bad writing i still love her sm. is there anything you would want to see for season 4? your hair cut fic was so good and i cant stop thinking about how much better the season would have been had it ended like that instead.

first off, sorry to both of us for being here! but i guess let’s take escapism where can get it, hey. second, thank you so much for reading the fic!! i’m super honored you liked it <33

as for what i would want for s4...whew. a lot, lmao. i’ll put in under a cut to save my poor non-s19 followers.

mostly, i want them to please slow down the pacing. let story arcs breathe and build and develop. last season was so rushed—ryan’s death and rigo’s death and pruitt’s death all crammed in, andy and sullivan having a shotgun wedding out of nowhere, maya and carina fastforwarding to i love yous with only 30 second scenes and not a real date to be seen, vic hardly getting to process ripley—i could go on. it’s cheap and messy storytelling. cut it out. 

i also really want them to let relationships do the same. i want to see the friendships that were so strained last season to grow again. show me andy, maya, and vic being friends and supporting each other!! for the love of god!! (show me andy and maya being friends, period. for the whole season. the whole goddamn season. no drama between them, only supporting each other through outside drama. if i have to see another season where these ‘best friends’ are at each other’s throats half the time, i swear to god.) 

show me more team-as-family! a) i eat that shit up, and b) that’s supposed to be the underlying theme and premise of the show. show them laughing and goofing off together, show them holding each other up when things get tough, show them teasing each other to hell and back while they cook together in the beanery. invest in that again.

for the romances....develop that shit. honestly, i really hope andy and sullivan either break up or really do the fucking work to fix their relationship, because as-is, it’s a hot mess. and not a hot mess i particularly care to watch. i liked them fine in season 2, but the sullivan arc in s3 (which...not to out myself as having watched chicago fire, but which is a blatant rip-off of severide’s s1 arc in cf) puts him in a place where he’s not really ready for a relationship. and with the amount of shit they put andy through, she’s not, either. i know it’s impossible on a drama, but i would really like andy to be single this season? idk, i’m tired.

maya and carina better not be all sunshine and rainbows. they need to do the work! they need to show the work! after that rushed-ass ‘forgive me’ scene (where carina was...pressured into forgiving maya like the day after she cheated on her??? and that was framed as a good thing?? make it make sense), they deserve to show them actually navigating that broken trust and rebuilding something real. and as someone who doesn’t watch grey’s, i really don’t know carina very well? 90% of her scenes were her supporting maya through her ongoing breakdown (though a  totally understandable breakdown! not criticizing maya for having trauma), so i’d like to see more of a balance of support in the relationship and more development of her as an individual apart from maya. she’ll be sticking around, and that will be much more interesting if she bonds with other members of the team.

dean and vic...look, my hands-down #1 wish for season 4 is that they treat vic hughes well, with respect, with screentime, and with a good arc. she’s the absolute best. and as much as i love dean miller (hint: a lot), he needs to start guzzling his respecting vic juice if the writers are gonna try to set up anything. personally, i’d really like to see them move past it? awkward crushes between friends happen. putting myself in dean’s shoes, living with one of my best friends who i’m also secretly crushing on, watching her play with my baby...it’d be a lot too!! but that doesn’t excuse being a dick, so i’d really like to see them take some time apart, and then start their friendship back up on a foundation of honesty and communication. because they’re so good, guys.

individual character notes!!!

well. i want every person at this goddamn station to go to therapy. they won’t, but i want them to.

andy needs to go to serious grief counseling after season 3. compounded by what’s bound to be a shitstorm from the discovery that her mother is alive? please. in regards to the whole mother arc, i really don’t want it her disappearance to have been like...gang-related. i’ve seen that posited as a theory, and that’s just a whole bundle of stereotypes we don’t need to get into. i also want the mom reveal to be the main revelation that takes up the majority of her arc the first half of the season, just to have time to process it. the captain’s race took up all of season 1—you can give this twist time to marinate properly.  

vic hughes, my moon, my stars! i really loved the snippets of vic’s backstory that they gave us in s3. as someone who lost a family member to early-onset alzheimer’s in november, 3x09 was...oof. a lot. i love how they committed to fleshing out her past and her backstory more and i love the emotional depth barrett doss always brings to the screen. for season 4, i’d love to see vic get to process ripley and jackson properly. (and here i repeat my forever adage for female characters lol: let them be single for a hot sec.) i want her to move in with maya, because i think that dynamic is so fun and ripe for exploration, and then i’d love to see her digging in to her issues and getting help—going back to the firefighter group, actually talking, spending time with her found family. (sidenote: would love to see her help out with some like youth community theatre classes on her days off? developing connections with kids who have gone through losses, supporting them and in turn realizing the support she needs herself...tell me vic singing with kids wouldn’t be the cutest shit). anyway, i just rly want her to get a good storyline. but i’m not a screenwriter so like...hope they come up with one!

i’ve already written much more than i’m sure you wanted, so i’m going to condense the boys into one paragraph lol. i want jack gibson to heal himself and stop sleeping with taken women! his new found family is super sweet, so i really hope he gets to keep it throughout s4. i want travis montgomery to get only good and happy things, and the same goes for warren. actually, i’d love to see warren step into his new role as team Older Person a bit more? i think that would be a really fun and heartwarming dynamic to play with all the other characters. dean i think i already touched on, but i’d love him to take a breath, apologize to vic and explain, and lean on the rest of his found family. he’s gonna be such a good dad and i’m excited to see more of that.

finally: maya. oh, maya. she needs therapy. you can’t have a character say she’s been dealing with suicidal ideation and anxiety for nearly 20 years and just...magically make it all better. she deserves to get to unpack all the shit with her dad, and all the ways that’s impacted her. on some level, i kinda wish she’d not stayed as captain—i love her scenes so much when she’s allowed to be just chilling on the same level as her team. since that’s not the case, finding a right balance of her as captain and her as friend is gonna be super important. i want her to open up to her friends and lean on them. i’d love for mason to come back, too? i think her trying to heal herself, establish herself as a team member and leader, and rebuild her relationships with her brother as well as her found family and girlfriend would be more than enough material for an arc. it won’t always go great! this stuff isn’t an easy fix! but that’s why it’d be worth writing. plus, so many members of the team have shitty relationships with their parents that even though they won’t understand what maya went through, there’s some really fertile ground for compassion and cathartic ‘fuck our dads’ ball-busting i’d love to see seeded. bonus father’s day episode where literally none of them are happy and they decide to like...go play laser tag or something.

anyway, i’m sure that’s more than you wanted!! but thank you for the q lmao apparently i had a lot to say

[martykirkby]

Any holby or casualty episodes you’d recommend rewatching? Idm how old, thanks :)

(i’m gonna put this under a read more bc it got way longer than i intended it too and you didn’t even ask for descriptions i’m just incapable of being concise ever sorry! i bolded the titles so you don’t have to read it all)

okay so it depends what characters you care about, bc my answers would be different based on who your faves are, so these are my faves to rewatch (but will probs be super biased towards my fave characters)! obvs i’m not saying watch all of them (unless you want to) but i’ve included reasons why i like them so you can decide based on what you enjoy.

holby (i’ve only watched from s16 with a little of s15 and s6 so it’s gonna start there):

intuition (16x11)- dom’s first episode back after his guest stint, and adele’s first ep! this is the first episode i watched when i started watching holby properly bc i was impatient and wanted to get to the dom scenes so i haven’t watched most of the s16 episodes before it but i would probably say watch 16x10 as well bc that’s when jac gives birth and this ep has a lot of scenes about her and emma.

prince among men (16x16)- raf’s first ep in which he’s v v iconic and also i love dom, zosia and arthur and frustrated mentor sacha and there’s that woman who’s like in love with a mummy until she finds out it was a female mummy. also jac and emma!!

one small step (16x42)- again i LOVE the keller trio, this is the first ep where they really bond even if it’s over a super traumatic experience w zosia. and connie crosses over for the first time since she joined casualty, which i rlly liked.

star of wonder (17x10)- a really important episode for zosia’s character and her bipolar sl! also i like christmas episodes

the ides of march (17x32)- another big ep for zosia and the one where she decides to move to darwin

beautiful (17x45)- dom taking a level students on a tour of the hospital and bonding w one of them and quoting that christina aguilera song... i love him

at first i was afraid (17x50)- dom and arthur roadtrip! the karaoke scene! frieda as a patient! elliot’s exit ft some really nice scenes w him and jac!

left behind (18x05)- i just really like all three storylines, i’ve rewatched the mo and wiliam sl a few times just bc i like mo and this ep is the last one of that sl and it’s my fave of them, and you can watch it as a standalone if you already know what’s happened in the eps beforehand.

blue christmas (18x11)- the only one i’ve seen where jac’s past is rlly talked about bc it’s the one where fran reveals they know each other. apart from that it is just a nice christmas ep and i really like all the other storylines going on.

young hearts, run free (18x13)- the ep where dom arthur and morven have to do some scavenger hunt thing in the woods!! and dom has a chicken called henriketta!! that’s reason enough to watch it 500 times tbh

one under (18x21)- for some reason arthur’s patient sl haunts me, but i think it is a rlly good (but sad) ep for arthur as he comes to terms with his cancer test

it tolls for thee (18x31)- arthur and morven’s wedding and i love them

i’ll walk you home (18x35)- arthur’s last ep (as not a figment of someone’s imagination) and it’s devastating but the episode is so so well done and i watch it whenever i need to cry

another day in paradise, parts one and two (18x38 and 18x39)- i just really like all the different storylines in these eps, the patient sl is like. wild and there’s focus on jac being a mother and dom’s grief and sacha and essie i just rlly like them

protect and serve (18x47)- this is the one after the helicopter crash in casualty so i always watch it after watching that one. it’s a good episode that focuses more on the characters than the storylines and i love the crossovers too.

i do, i do, i do (19x13)- an episode in which a main character’s daughter dies has absolutely no right being as funny as this, but the derwood/inga wedding is so so funny and also rlly sweet at the end and the contrast with the elinor storyline is wild (and also something i wish holby would do more often bc recently they’ve done like three depressing storylines in one ep)

the hard way home (19x35)- tbh the main reason i’ve rewatched this ep so much is for dofty which obvs i don’t care about anymore, but it’s also a really good ep just for dom w his steroid addiction and the anniversary of arthur’s death. and it’s damon’s first ep and i miss him

group animal, parts one and two (19x61 and 19x62)- the shooting eps which i also watch when i wanna feel sad, but also they are just really good episodes in general

also the last two eps of s19 after the shooting bc i’m incapable of not watching the aftermath

i haven’t rewatched any s20 or s21 eps except when giffing so i can’t rlly recommend any there

casualty (for some of these just pretend that lofty never existed on holby and his character was never destroyed):

next of kin, parts one and two (26x15 and 26x16)- the second ep is more exciting but you need the first one for context, it’s just classic high stakes drama, the entire ed was on fire bc they stopped filming in bristol so they were like yeah let’s completely destroy the set! and it’s ruth and jay’s last episodes.

duty of care (26x17)- also high stakes drama, tom’s first episode and the first ep filmed in cardiff. there’s a poisonous gas leak AND an explosion.

love is (26x23)- danny dyer did more acting in this one (1) episode than he has his entire career on eastenders i swear. i didn’t expect to get so emo about it.

the ‘ricochet’ eps (26x25, 26x26, 26x27)- casualty didn’t hold back with these eps. they’re v good eps (s26 has some of casualty’s best episodes imo) but a LOT about gang violence and a trigger warning for rape in the second one.

zero sum game (26x39)- fletch’s first episode! i mainly like it bc of that but it’s also fun to see how much lloyd hates him at first.

the #holbyriot eps (26x41 and 26x42)- definitely some of the most tense episodes casualty’s ever done, back when they cared about social issues like police brutality.

rabbits in headlights (27x17)-  the first episode for robyn, jamie and aoife (and ally but she leaves the next ep). i love seeing how far robyn in particular has come, and i loved jamie and aoife as well and seeing them as tiny dumbass students is fun.

unsilenced (27x31)- the fgm storyline, again when casualty used to care about social issues. it’s really well-written, i think.

once there was a way home, parts one and two (28x01 and 28x02)- this is ramin’s first appearance and i love him and jamie and the way jamie basically risked his entire job to help him. the first one is also rita’s first ep!

carrot not stick (28x35)- this one has a patient from 28x33 in, but you don’t need to have rewatched that one to get the gist. lofty and dixie take said patient to visit his dying mother and they go to the beach. they sing dolly parton. lofty steals a puppy. it’s just a really nice episode imo

born lucky (29x05)- this is a sad one, but i really like the relationships between the staff in this one, and i think it was a good final episode for jeff.

entrenched (29x09)- casualty said football fans don’t deserve rights and also lofty makes some points about the futility of war. michael spence is in this episode!

deadfall (29x10), the road not taken (29x26), holby sin city (29x39)- i’m grouping these together bc they’re all the ‘holby noir’ standalone episodes and if you wanna watch one ep and not have to worry about the long running storylines, they work. they’re also completely insane and v fun imo. the road not taken is my fave.

a child’s heart, parts one and two (30x01 and 30x02)- i’m not a fan of it focusing so much on charlie’s life story, but i love episodes just after a crisis and especially when one of the team is in danger bc you really see how much the staff all care about each other. these eps also have the start of louise’s storyline where she switches from a receptionist to a nurse.

high tide (30x27)- lofty’s last episode, jez’s first, and it’s also a really good episode for cal and ethan. and although i don’t really care about any of them except jez anymore, i still think this is a good episode to rewatch just to see like. them as characters.

too old for this shift (31x01)- this is the feature length episode so like. it might not be ideal to rewatch but again it’s the helicopter crash episode, so you really see the staff pull together which i love, and there are appearances from jac and fletch, and video calls from people who have left the show. like i said, it goes with protect and serve on holby so i usually rewatch those together.

mobile (31x27)- i literally just rewatched this episode last night which is why i’m thinking about it, but it’s a really good ep and it’s the one where robyn gives birth and her scenes with david are so well acted. they also link all three stories in some way to mobile phones which i thought was cool.

5 days (31x28)- i love robyn so i really love this episode. there’s a lot of character development imo, from being in denial and optimistic to realising how bad charlotte’s situation is and struggling to cope, to accepting how it is and being there for her as a mother.

one (31x44)- the plot is okay, it’s not something i’d be particularly interested to rewatch apart from the fact it’s filmed in one shot which makes it fun to rewatch.

32x19- max’s last episode and we find out a lot about him! and ofc there’s the zoe and max reunion and i just really like max in this episode.

32x21- bea’s first ep and i love her, also really shows how much a real ed has to cope with and has alicia start the anonymous blog which is v iconic of her.

i haven’t really rewatched any eps that aired after this specifically for one ep (i’ve rewatched every episode jade and marty and archie have been in but i don’t always care about the eps themselves)

[thepoultryprincess]

S19 giggles as she scribbles down that stars do in fact glow, and that there is a bottom to the world. This would be helpful, she thinks. The more they and the others know about outside the better they'll survive. Even if the sky explodes and the bedrock somehow disappears, they will survive. They've gotten this far, after all.

"Y'know, you'd figure security around here would make going places dificult, but since we got out its been weirdly easy to sneak around. It's nice to be able to go where I want. Plus fred is easily distracted." S19 shrugs 'matter of fact-ly' "Is he coming to get me or should I head back on my own?"

They stretch their wings and back, and peer at the communicator. It looks old. She internally giggles about that, so used to sleek federation equipment that in comparison tubbos looks a little silly. Oh well. She has been in here for a while presumably. They push themself up and stretch again before walking beside tubbo.

Tubbo was just chilling mostly. Jamming out to the playlists she made, and mouthing out the words as not to disturb her roommate napping at the corner. She pushes back on the swivel chair and bangs her head to the beat with the headphones still plugged in to the computer.

She didn't even notice the door opening, or even the picking of the lock. The songs were just too good, boys.

He swivels over, facing away from the monitor with gestures mimicking a drum solo. He mouths a few more words before going ajar.

Tubbo falls off the chair in surprise and yanks off the plug. Luckily, she was quick enough to pause it before it fully blasted out on the speaker. She looks at the intruder with horror.

"What the- What the fuck are you doing here, you're supposed to be with Fred!" She whisper-yelled.

[@thepoultryprincess]

[poipoi1912]

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 19x01

A new season of SVU, and a new series of these posts! It appears I still have a lot of things to say about this show, lol. Welcome to new readers/followers, and welcome back to my old friends :D

Overall Thoughts

A good premiere. Surprisingly so. I forgot what it was like to watch SVU without my blood pressure rising every 2 minutes because of muddled messages and heavy-handed preaching. We had a relatively straight-forward case, good actors playing the perp and the victim, a memorable defense attorney, good dialogue (what???), a little rule-breaking which gave us interesting legal arguments, a little team work. I liked it.

There was a stronger-than-usual focus on Liv, but she is the star of the show, and this was a pilot of sorts, so I was expecting it. This premiere was about the new showrunner tweaking the format and the overall vibe of SVU for Season 19, so I didn't mind that he chose to focus on Olivia. I wish we had something other than Noah drama for her to do, but I suppose that's the easiest source of anguish for her, writing-wise, so the investigation storyline makes sense.

Squad Thoughts

We didn't get as much of the squad as I would have liked, and everyone's characterization was pretty thin, but again I attribute that to the new showrunner's attempt to set the story and use broad strokes to define the main players. I hope we'll see more character development later on in the season.

At this point, I felt he wanted to re-establish all the characters, so he chose to showcase (in a somewhat clumsy, overly expository way) everyone's main attributes.

Sonny - Italian, smartass funny, lawyer with morals Amanda - mother, weirdly attuned to perps, abrasive Fin - rule breaker, fashionable (lol), has negative fucks to give Barba - smart, sarcastic, supportive Liv - mother, leader, saint

I think there were better (and certainly more subtle) ways to convey all of those things, but again, if we treat this premiere as a pilot, I can see where the showrunner was coming from. He wanted to show us which parts of the old show he wanted to keep, and which parts he wanted to change.

We know he sees Sonny and Amanda as platonic buddies, so he gave us the classic S16 dynamic (Sonny getting on Amanda's nerves with his law stuff and her snapping). We know he wants to establish a bond between Amanda and Liv, so he gave us that lovely supportive moment between them. We know he sees Barba and Liv as close friends, so he gave us warm, shoulder-bopping Barba (awwww, btw) (also, Rafael, my guy, you’re friendzoning yourself at every turn). We know he wants to show a tortured Liv, so he gave us both the Noah moments and her chastising Fin as his boss, because (finally!) she's concerned about lawfulness.

Bottom line, I can see the effort to build new (and rebuild old) team dynamics, something sorely lacking in S18. So I'm willing to wait it out and see what else the writers want to do this year.

Sonny Thoughts

Again, the show focused on the few things we already knew about Sonny, and gave him a few (mostly clunky) lines to establish his personality. The writers went a little too hard with the "jokes" (that fridge thing especially, yikes), but they also gave him that solid line about revenge being a food group. I've always thought Sonny was at his strongest as the comic relief (not the butt of the joke, mind you. Just the character who brings some levity with his Munch-like, out-of-left-field observations.) so I'd be happy to see S19 returning to that.

Sonny and the Law

The show also remembered that Sonny is a lawyer. Sort of. They remembered he went to law school, at least, which is something. I do wish Amanda had been more specific, perhaps saying, "I know you think you’re a bigshot now that you passed the bar, Carisi, but STFU" but we can't have it all. Plus, the writers were smart enough to have him be the one to question Fin's actions. Sonny’s always had a strong moral compass, but he’s also been a stickler for the rules.

This was a textbook (a Constitutional Law textbook, in fact) case about the rights of the accused. Someone like Sonny (a former law student) would certainly enjoy arguing the merits of both sides of the argument, and he’d probably think nothing should undermine the rule of law, if only from a philosophical standpoint. Conversely, someone like Amanda (or Fin) would only think about the bottom line. So that conversation (and Amanda’s anoyance) worked for me.

Mostly, I appreciated the fact the writers remembered that Sonny cares about the law. I was reminded of the police brutality episode in S17, when Sonny was so adamant about getting a warrant, and Liv was less so. 

I've made several posts about Sonny being a caught-in-the-middle type of character, having a cop's heart but a lawyer's mind, and I'm hoping this season might revisit that. Sonny is not just another generic cop. He has more nuanced opinions, and he articulates them. He speaks out, even when his views isolate him from the rest of the squad. That's what makes him stand out.

Which brings me to:

Barisi Thoughts/Hopes

I'm really looking forward to seeing Sonny's interactions with Barba this season. I'm curious to see how the new showrunner wants to play that angle. As I said, Sonny is not just another cop, but he's also not a prosecutor. Theoretically, he won't agree with Barba either. He's always been somewhere in the middle.

Sonny is the character who can complain about jurisdiction or a international law and get shit from the other cops, but he's also the character who can say something like "hindsight" to support his fellow cops when a lawyer like Barba just doesn't get it.

And yet, Barba gets what the other cops don’t. And we know he’s shown interest in Sonny’s potential legal career. I’d be happy to see them arguing about the specifics of each case, but I’d be even happier to see them forming a front against the rest of the squad, or discussing Sonny’s hesitation to leave the force even when he spends most of his time arguing the legalities of it all.

There's a lot to mine, when it comes to the Sonny/Barba dynamic. I hope the writers take advantage of the characters' history, their contrasting personalities, and their unique (to this group of people) shared perspective when it comes to the law.

Sonny may no longer need a mentor, but he could use a friendly ear.

Stray Thoughts

Sonny's ass.

Was that a CGI cab in the opening?

Fin's surprised/amused "I didn't even know it was legal!" was everything.

Liv's new/old hair is flawless.

Barba felt like a lawyer again. For the first time in a long while.

Is Brooke Shields with Child Protective Services?

The squad was following the guy but they didn't have anybody covering the exits? Nor did they have anybody with the victim who was about to testify (i.e. the victim whose death would kill the case)? Come on.

Are Cassidy and Munch working together now? And can we see that?

Will Chase was fantastic. One of the best acted perps in recent memory. And Amy Smart was great too. As was Peter Jacobson. Truly, solid dialogue makes all the difference. We had great guest stars last season, but they were mostly wasted. In this episode, they all had a chance to shine.

Legal arguments? Cases cited? Foreign governments intervening belatedly? A defense attorney who was extremely smart but not extremely evil? One who chose to use his legal knowledge instead of resorting to victim-blaming? What?

A Latina wife of a perp who did the right thing? A black victim with sympathetic characterization? A less than wealthy victim with sympathetic characterization? What??? What show is this? (seriously, it's so easy to be mindful of things like that)

Speaking of the victims, how about respecting their wishes not to testify? Wow. That said, Sonny did seem to get momentarily possessed by the spirit of S18!Benson, when he tried to say that they could subpoena the first victim. I'm just glad that he looked and sounded conflicted and regretful, even as he was trying to say it. That detail, the way Peter practically mumbled that line, like he had a hard time even saying that out loud, it made the moment count. You can look for justice, and you can sometimes be harsh in that pursuit, but our characters shouldn't lose their empathy.

Conclusion

After a whole year, I finally watched an episode of SVU without it feeling like a chore. Or without having to fast-forward through anything. This premiere was hardly groundbreaking, but it was a decent, competently written hour of television. At this point, in S19, that's the most we can ask for. I'm glad we seem to be getting it.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (9-15 Feb 2025)

his little smirk delights me

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😤 A Family Affair (Nero Wolfe #46) (Rex Stout, author; Michael Prichard, narrator) - forever mad this contains so much period-typical misogyny towards feminists & a rape 'joke' bc otherwise it's one of my very fave in this series! dammit, rex!

😍😍 Notebook No. 6 series (magdaliny) - 56K, stucky - incredible post-WS recovery fic - this should be a classic of the fandom, up there with infinite coffee, ithlyn and 4mw. I am changed for reading it. essentially an epistolary story, since he was writing for someone. Bucky's voice was incredible: funny and devastating, often at the same time, which felt both very real & very Jewish (complimentary). in my stucky bookclub, someone said that reading this felt like they were reading Literature and I don't disagree (esp with at least one direct allusion to Joyce's Ulysses). if you are a stucky/WS fan and haven't read this, don't wait any longer.

😊 Rear Admiral ('Nathan Burgoine) - entertaining, mostly pwp short story: "Can one average nurse and his way-more-than-average crush make it work? Russ figures there’s one way to find go big or go home." You know how after you read something incredible (see above) you gotta switch gears to the complete opposite? yeah, that.

😊 Stick Handling (Kit Olmstead) - fussy fashion reporter + hockey player who makes him undergo the mortifying ordeal of being known. def a grumpy/sunshine vibe, entertaining read

🥰 The New York Avengers series (Brenda) - 54K stucky baseball AU: 2nd chance, friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-(finally) lovers, lots of baseball details & loads of fantastic graphic & multimedia aspects, like you don't see much these days tbh

🥰 Sweeten to Taste (saintgarbanzo, author; babooshk_art, artist) - 51K drarry set immediately after canon. some really interesting musings about retributive v restorative justice. Plus amazing food writing

🥰 Mine is the Shining Future (brideofquiet) - 48K, Stucky, pre-WWII no powers AU; reread, absolutely stellar fic

💖💖 +76K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

dinluke lawyer au #1 (spqr) - Star Wars: dinluke, 31K - absolutely fantastic au, all the details (especially han) were *chef's kiss*

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

The Sam Sanders Show - Inside the Secret Vocal Techniques of Top Singers (ft. Doug Peck)

Would I Lie to You - s18, e5

Taskmaster - s18, e10

Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #26

Handsome - Paul Simon & Edie Brickell ask about love

One Song - Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love"

Um, Actually - s10, e2

THE MUPPET SCRIPT

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Only Murders In The Building - s1, e7-10; s2 & s3

D20: Dungeons & Drag Queens - "The Battle For Darktide" (s2, e6)

D20: Adventuring Party - "In The Nick of Twine" (s19, e6)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Pop Culture Happy Hour - 2025 Super Bowl

Vibe Check - Cheers, Queerleaders!

Short Wave - The Dangers Of Mirror Cell Research

You're Dead to Me - Causes of the British Civil Wars: Royalists versus Parliamentarians

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Guide To Great Shows On Network TV

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Unusual Loves Stories Week: Hachiko

Pop Pantheon - DIANA ROSS PT. 1: THE SUPREMES & DIANA ROSS PT. 2: THE SOLO YEARS (with Hit Parade's Chris Molanphy)

Vibe Check - Can We Talk About F*cking Eggs?! featuring Tim Miller

99% Invisible - Your Own Personal Jesus

Today, Explained - Tater bot

Decoder Ring - The Scratch-Off Ticket’s Instant Win

Imaginary Worlds - Filk Fusion: Where Sci-Fi Meets Folk Music

Switched on Pop - Does It Trance? The Weeknd & FKA Twigs

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 10. | Family Connections

Short History Of… - Beatrix Potter

It's Been a Minute - Eggs are expensive, but are they safe?

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Unusual Love Stories Week: Post Office Bay

Endless Thread - Love in 60 Seconds

You're Dead to Me - The Arts and Crafts Movement: William Morris and his circle

The Curious History of Your Home - Ovens

Today, Explained - The making of a beauty king

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Captain America: Brave New World And What's Making Us Happy

99% Invisible - The Power Broker Breakdown Wrap-Up

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: GWAR

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Only Murders In The Building (Original Score, Seasons 1-4)

Finally Enough Love: 50 Number Ones [Madonna] {2022}

Philly Soul Soothers

Classic Disco Hits

Juliana Hatfield covers

[only-the-gentle-survived]

1-100 of the Holby asks 😎

okay buckle up kids, it’s gonna be a long ride(would also just like to apologise right now for the fact 90% of these questions will have the same answers… three guesses as to which)

also I tried to do a “read more” so this wouldn’t take up your dashes but it didn’t work, soz

100 Questions about Holby City

1. Favourite present character?The queen of my life Jac Naylor obviously2. Favourite past character?My precious child Jasmine Burrows (although it pains me to call her a past character)3. Least favourite present character?Fredrik Johanssen, I literally just don’t care about him at all4. All time favourite character?Jac Naylor5. All time least favourite character?Isaac Mayfield maybe? 6. Favourite recurring character?Does Emma Naylor count??? Also Lexy the vicar7. Favourite nurse?Present - Essie, all time - Chantelle8. Favourite senior doctor?Always has to be Jac9. Favourite junior doctor?Jasmine10. Favourite ward?Darwin without a doubt11. OTPs?Jac/Jonny (also lowkey Ollie/Tara, Ollie/Zosia, Arthur/Morven, Jas/Morven, Jac/Zosia)12. NOTs?Essie/Raf!!! Also Jonny/Bonnie for obvious reasons, Jac/Matteo13. Favourite friendship?Jac/Mo, Jac/Zosia, Jasmine/Morven, Mo/Jonny14. Favourite family relationship?Do I even need to answer this??? Jac and Jasmine forever until the end of time15. Favourite actor/actress?Rosie Marcel16. Favourite quote?Current fave is still “you got the cheekbones, she got the smile” but the “foetus in scrubs” line will always be iconic, as will most of Jac’s lines 17. Favourite current storyline?Jac grieving over Jasmine even though it’s not properly kicked off yet18. Least favourite current storyline?Fredrik, also Essie/Raf19. All time favourite storyline?Jac and Jonny’s relationship/Jac’s pregnancy20. All time least favourite storyline?In terms of boring??? idk but in terms of painful then Tara’s death/Arthur’s death/Jas’s death (sensing a theme here)21. Favourite series? Of what I’ve seen, 15, 16 or 1922. Least favourite series?Don’t really have one23. Favourite episode(s)?I mean… the list is endless but my most faves are probably S14 E41 From Here To Maternity, S16 E13 Self Control, S19 E26 It’s Only Love If It Hurts, S19 E38 Paper Wishes 24. Least favourite episode(s)?Again, there’s loads of boring ones but in terms of most painful it has to be S15 E27 Great Expectations and S19 E37 (I can’t even bring myself to write the title lol), even though the episode itself is incredible25. Favourite scene?Too many… Jac helping Mo give birth, Jonny asking Jac to move in (almost all of their scenes tbh), every scene from Self Control, Jac comforting Zosia after Arthur’s death, Jac and Zosia in the taxi, Jac protecting Jasmine from Serena, Jac and Jasmine laughing in the locker room, both Jac’s locket scenes… I’ll shut up now26. Saddest scene?Jasmine’s death (see also Tara’s death and Arthur’s death)27. Funniest scene?I genuinely can’t even pinpoint one off the top of my head, there’s so many but the locker room scene is up there 28. Scene you’ve re-watched multiple times?Again, loads but Jac and Jasmine’s locker room scene and Jac helping Mo give birth are probably my most watched 29. Most inspiring moment?Idk??? Not so much inspiring as makes me proud, but Jac realising she can be a good mother springs to mind30. Favourite patient?Maybe the young farmers on Darwin31. Favourite cast photo?The second to last one they released32. Favourite cast member?Rosie Marcel33. Describe Holby City in five words.A truly life ruining show34. Describe your favourite character in five words.Queen of my fucking life35. Character you want to return?Jonny Maconie36. Character you want to be treated by?Jac 37. Character you least want to be treated by?Isaac38. Character you never expected to like as much?Jasmine, Zosia39. Character that deserves more screen time?Morven40. Character with the best bedside manner?Mo41. Character with the worst bedside manner?Fredrik42. Character you’d like to be more like?Jac43. Character you first fell in love with?Jac44. Character that you like/love that everybody else dislikes/hates?Idk I can’t think of one??? 45. Character that you dislike/hate that everybody else likes/loves?Can’t think of one46. Character you used to love but no longer do?Idk47. Character who has the best one-liners?Obviously Jac48. Character with the coolest name?Estelle Ava Harrison49. Hottest character?Jac and Ollie50. Sassiest character?Jac51. Best-dressed character (out of scrubs)?Jac, Zosia52. Most caring character?Mo53. Funniest character?Jac54. Most boring character?Fredrik55. Most intriguing character?Jac56. Most entertaining character?Jac (am boring myself with the repetition here, don’t say I didn’t warn you)56. Most relatable character?Jasmine, Mo, Donna57. Most misunderstood character?Jac, Jasmine58. Character you feel most sorry for?Jac, Morven59. Character that annoys you the most?Fredrik60. Character you’d most like to slap?Fredrik61. Character that you have mixed feelings about?Nina and Matteo62. Character(s) you’d like to see get their own spinoff show? Jac, Jasmine, Jonny and Emma pls63. Characters that you’d like to see interact more?64. Jac and Morven bonding over Jasmine, Jac and Damon, Ollie and Morven 65. Character you would bring back from the dead?…..if you don’t know the answer to this by now you’re in the wrong place (of course it’s Jasmine)66. Which character’s death would you never get over?I’ll never get over Jasmine’s obvs, but I actually don’t think I’d cope at all if it was Jac67. Character(s) you’d like to leave?Fredrik68. Which character’s past would you like to learn more about?Morven, Damon69. Most upsetting exit?Jasmine, Arthur, Tara70. Favourite character rivalry?Jac vs everyone 71. Last character to make you cry?Jac72. Last character to make you laugh?Damon73. Last character to make you angry?Fran fucking Reynolds74. Last character to break your heart?Jac75. Last character to make you proud?Morven76. Character you’d like to see develop more?Morven, Damon 77. Thoughts on last week’s episode?Quite enjoyed it but am in serious need more Jac coming soon 78. Which character’s name do you first look for in the cast list whenever looking at spoilers?Jac79. Earliest memory of the show?Jac and Jasmine meeting for the first time80. How did you get into the show?The Casualty30 crossover81. Which colour scrubs do you think would suit you the most?Probably the Keller burgundy ones, but I’d only wear Darwin blue bc I’m loyal to my squad so x82. If you could choose any one of the current characters to remain on the show forever, which character would it be?Jac83. How long have you been watching the show for?Just over a year84. Have you ever had any Holby-related dreams?Yes, about Jac and Jasmine 85. Things you’d like to see happen in the 20th anniversary episode(s)?Anything as long as it involves Jac taking centre stage (and she has to be okay)86. Five things you’d like to see happen on the show?Jac and Jonny reuinion, Jac and Morven to interact more, a Casualty crossover where Jac meets Sam Nicholls, Mo/Zosia/Cara to return87. Three things you love about the show?How relatable the characters are, how inspiring they are, the fact it’s such a good show to escape from your own issues88. Cast member you’d most like to meet?Rosie 89. Have you ever watched any films/shows/shorts starring any of the cast members (in a different role to their character on Holby)?Some of Rosie’s and Lucy’s90. Three things that you’ve learned from watching the show?Lots of medical stuff, that the best friendships are often the unlikely and unexpected ones, not to put a scalpel in your pocket (thanks for that one Jas x)91. Do you have any predictions about anything that might happen on the show in the future?Not really beyond the spoilers of Jac and Fletch growing closer, I’m still praying for a Jac/Jas grave scene like the one in Casualty tho92. Famous person you’d like to see make a guest appearance as a patient?Can we get Lorraine on??? She’s the biggest stan I swear93. If you had the opportunity to appear on the show, would you?Um YES, in a heartbeat94. Do you sing/hum along to the opening theme tune?No I get palpitations bc this show ruins me x95. Is there anything that you would like to see be made canon on the show which probably never will?Is it too much to ask for Jasmine to rise from the dead??? And for Jac and Jonny to reunite??? And Morven and Jac to be friends???96. What do you think would be an interesting storyline for the show to explore?I wish they’d show Jac having a full scale mental breakdown after everything that’s happened to her, it’s almost inevitable at this point plus time be great to have more mental health rep 97. If there was something that you could change about the show, what would it be?For Jasmine not to be dead x 98. Favourite Holby City fanfiction?As in which pairings or which stories? There’s way too many of the latter, but I read anything Jac-related and occasionally some Zollie tbh99. Favourite Holby-related blog? I have loads100. Favourite thing about the Buckle Fandom? How sweet and respectful everyone seems to be!!! It’s the least problematic fandom I’ve ever been in honestly and I love it

THIS WAS LONG AF IM SORRY but I had so much fun answering all the questions ahhhh, thank you!!!

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Pretty Little Liars (S07E11) Playtime Airdate: April 25, 2017 @freeform Ratings: (Check 4/20) @prettylittleliars Score: 3/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** The melodrama... The fandom... The 'somehow we took a wrong mother fucking turn somewhere along the way' is real with 'Pretty Little Liars'. @Phoenix82 of TVShowTime commented that the hiatus was so damn long that he forgot what was going on... Well, ditto. And honestly, it's hard to care. You take a break as long as this and you might as well just call it S19, because that's exactly where it feels like we are with 'PLL'. 'Rocking it till the wheels fall off' is a massive understatement. Anyone remember that Daytime Soap back in the late 90s/early 00's called 'Passions'? I feel like that's exactly where we are with PLL. It's just plain ridiculous, but it's lingering fandom has kept it alive, though the numbers sink and sink and sink. Many of us are here because, goddammit, we've put 4 Billion episodes of this show in and we want a conclusion already. Don't hold your breath for a great one... Remember last season when Mona was trapped in A's lair that resembled something right out of 'Star Trek: The Next Generation's Holodeck... Complete w/hilariously bad sound editing and 'bleep bleep bloops bloops'?! And then remember when I Marlene King called us all transphobic because we hated her 'big reveal'? Sorry, but I just can't shake that. PLL was once the measuring stick of Teen Thrillers, and it's still referenced, but we just don't mean it as much. I think 'Playtime' can be best summed up by Spencer's hilariously cheesy monologue when she confronted her mother...errrr...Veronica Hastings when she got back from her trip... "Allison's husband wasn't a real doctor. Turns out that he was a crook and he took all of her money. Noel Khan kidnapped Hannah, she got away... Noel Khan is now dead. Jenna Marshall shot me, probably. Toby & Yvonne were in a car crash. Do you want a glass of wine?" Spencer keeping us all up to speed, in true Spencer on Adderall fashion. Jesse from 'Saved By The Bell' would be proud... Or would she? So, Mary Drake is really Spencer's mother. Lord all fucking mighty... There are literally no more twists and turns that this show could possibly take. If there was any pleasure to be derived from 'Playtime', I must admit I got a good bit out of Allison returning to her Queen Bitch status and proverbially scratching Paige's eyes out during their school sanctioned teacher/teacher's aide meeting. Cat fight incoming, surely... And if not, it would be such a wasted opportunity. Emily is caught in the middle... But what made it so great that it was a very 'Adult caught up in a Teenage Bullshit' catfight, one Ms. Horowitz has to intervene on. This should be fun to see play out. At least it's my favorite tacky PLL subplot of the moment. A.D has gotten really clever in his or her execution... The tiny Rosewood replica equipped with iPhones, that literally looks like a giant game-board of 'The Game Of Life' is a nice touch. As usual, the girls have no choice but to play, every fucked up thing they've ever done has been recorded and filed away to be used for A.D's pleasure and amusement to get the girls on board with whatever ridiculous game he or she wants them to play. We may not know just who the hell A.D is but we do know Jenna is a close friend and A.D is smart enough to put their entire plan or 'Endgame' in Braille. Hmmmm... Thoughts anyone? Oh and... Glasses OFF, Toby. Glasses off.

[topicprinter]

When I came onboard Quirk about 4 months ago, I honestly knew very little about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Cognitive Distortions. My brother had launched this little app and I just wanted to help him grow it.At this point in my life i've been founding different startups for almost 7 years now. So with 7 years of experience, I can say this with absolute certainty.Starting a company is a manic rollercoaster of a mind F@#$.I came from an extraordinarily privileged and sheltered background.Yeah, I "dealt with stress" growing up.I dealt with being forced to learn piano since the age of 7. With getting in trouble for getting B's instead of A's. With cramming for my SAT and ACT's. Bragging to my friends about how I only slept for 4 hours last night.See? "Stress."Entrepreneurship is a wake up call.Failure doesn't mean getting a B on a paper. Failure means not being able to buy groceries. It means that employee with 3 kids can't buy groceries. It means those family and friends who pitched in on your early round are out money.Stress from a startup is when you get a call from a client asking why your employee left a "pipe" outside their house.Stress from a startup is when you maxed out a $5,000 27% APR credit card to buy inventory.Stress from a startup is when that client decides they can bring your contract "in house".The highs of making a ton of money, landing a huge investor, and bringing on a new client is incredible. But the low's can be rock bottom devastating.How founders deal with this kind of stress and anxiety will literally make or break their company. If you aren't familiar with CBT, a Cognitive Distortion is like a logical fallacy which is the root of almost all stress, anxiety, and depression.As Quirk went through the Y Combinator S19 batch I watched and learned how Cognitive Distortions were affecting not only my batch mates, but my own company as well.Fortune Telling Causing You Anxiety? 🔮Personally, we are horrible at fortune telling.Fortune telling is a logical fallacy where predicting the future causes you to be unhappy. This is probably the most common cognitive distortion because a HUGE part of a startup in the early stages is planning for the future.It's a tricky thing to deal with.On one hand you are literally required to constantly think about the future and make plans. What happens if a competitor clones your product? Is hiring this employee going to end badly? Will this investor actually close my round?It's a terrible trap that founders fall into because they have to constantly think about the negative impacts of their actions.Cognitive Behavioral Therapy states that your thoughts cause your mood. Well if you have to constantly think about what bad things can happen, that will severely impact your mood.That's why it's important for founders to be able to recognize distortions like Fortune Telling.We have to be able to analyze a situation, recognize the worse possible outcome, and then make a logical strategic decision. By recognizing when we are making ourselves anxious/stressed/depressed by predicting the future, it lets us take a step back and realize we don't have to let a future problem impact our emotions and decision making.Catastrophizing 🤯 Turning Small Problems Into Big ProblemsBad things happen all the time. We are ALL held together with duct tape.Since we launched Quirk only 4 months ago?We screwed up our Android trials, boom lost 500 subscribers & got a ton of 1 star reviews.Over 100+ investors turned us down.Still haven't been paid a penny from $10k+ in sales on the iOS store.And as I write this article, the iOS 13 update is causing ALL of our users Quirk apps to crash.The world is filled with small problems, very rarely is something truly a catastrophe.I can't tell you how many times we thought Quirk was doing poorly. That this was never going to work. That we needed to pivot into XYZ product.You know the best part about small problems?They're easy to fix.We fixed our android trials. We found investors that wanted to come on board. iOS will eventually pay us. My Co-Founder is updating our app as I write this."Oh no all of our users are crashing!!"It's easy to turn this into a catastrophe and allow it to cause us huge amounts of stress, anxiety, and depression. But this stress and anxiety doesn't help us solve the small problem that it truly is.Maybe it's a day of work. Maybe it's a week. But it's a solvable problem and just another 24 hours in the day of a startup.Learning to recognize when you are catastrophizing makes it easier to not stress and become anxious over small problems, which lets you make better decisions and become more productive.If you're interested in learning more about the different distortions go check out our distortions page or just download Quirk below. Learning about these distortions wont just help you launch a company, but they can severely reduce your day to day stress, anxiety, and depression.---If you liked this article I write more about mental health here! Fair warning, I own Quirk so don't click on that link if you don't want to support me.

[holbyconfessional]

Holby City S19 E13 - I Do, I Do, I Do.

What follows may be a disjointed review. And long. Sorry!  I really ought to have a rewatch before I post, but I’m not ready.  So, there may be future reblogs if I miss anything important.

Firstly, Mr T’s wedding.  I was ridiculously pleased to see Hanssen back, I always miss him when he’s gone.  And it’s remarkable how well he managed to pull the Swedish trad attire look - never more noticeable than when he and Hanssen were making their way back to find Mo after Hanssen applied his uncanny ability to see right through everyone’s personal feelings - let’s call him the Feelings Fairy, or the Fairy Feeling-Father of Holby...  But I digress.

Hanssen was great in this episode.  As just mentioned, his counselling of Mr T that it’s Mo that he loves - coupled nicely with his wedding speech with the nod to Mo about everything that is meant to be happens eventually.  Hiding in the tower, looking for woodpeckers to avoid being chased by Mama T, and just generally his reaction to the totally inappropriate sexual harrassment from the aforementioned Mama T.

Mo was great in this ep too.  She looked amazing and had some great one liners, something about Swedish feet and lack of nerve endings, or some such!  She knew what she was doing, telling Mama T about the lack of baby.  She knew Mama T would blow the whistle.  And hell, fair play, why not?  If she couldn’t do it herself, best to hand the reins over!  Also loved the birthing scene, with Mr T, Mo and baby Charleston.  (Wonder how long they get to be happy before Charlie’s life is threatened?)

Without a doubt, the undeniable star of the wedding show was the inimitable Jac Naylor, Queen of sarcasm.  She was just an absolute delight, from her first appearance in her suit, to her reluctant wedding dance and appeal to Mo to rescue her, down to her complaints about being Mo’s unplanned birthing partner for a second time.  But then just getting into the water with all her damned clothes on to help Mo out regardless.  And then, missing the drama and getting drunk...  I can say without question that Jac was the saving grace for me tonight.

HOWEVER.  I barely concentrated on a moment of the damned wedding.  Even the Jac bits just flitted before my eyes.  Because the whole episode was waiting for the next Elinor/Jason bit.  There had been no secret in the spoilers that there would be a) an accident involving Elinor and Jason, and b) Serena and Mo would be having life changing experiences.  Now, I may not be a rocket scientist, but...

So, on to the only bit I managed to really take in.

Wow, the accident happened early in the episode.  When Elinor came in wired, talking about her report that she’d written, it appeared early on that her drug use was going to play a bit part in the episode.  Actually, that theme was continued on later, when she was asking Jasmine where she could put her bag so that it was ‘out of the way’, ie hiding the evidence.  However, from that point, the drugs were not really mentioned.  I am surprised, however I suspect the issue may resurface (theories later).

The basis of the argument, or Serena supposedly keeping things from Elinor, turned out to be something as minor as Serena having stepped down as CEO and not discussed it with Elinor.  It seems silly, but I guess if Elinor is feeling a little at sea having to adjust to a new relationship in her mothers life (gender irrelevant), then I guess she’s more likely to be a bit sensitive about everything, even the littlest things.  And the drugs don’t help, kids!

Cue the racing to follow her out, and the accident - which Serena puts down to Elinor being so tired from being up all night.

Bernie was absolutely awesome, taking control.  I guess her army training coming to the fore, as she has undoubtedly got feelings for Jason herself.  She was amazing in theatre, although I felt the ‘it can’t be done’ from Morven, followed by the highly risky, almost impossible liver lac repair being successfully achieved by one Bernie Wolfe, Trauma Surgeon extraordinare was a mite heavy handed.  Especially considering later events.

Bernie’s moment after the surgery, when all her emotions came out, was just beautiful.  At the time, I was disappointed that we didnt get to see her break the good news to Serena, but again, later events explained why that wasn’t done.

Serena’s chat with (most probably shiftily playing around with drug paraphenalia) Elinor in the locker room was lovely.  I loved the attempts at openness on both sides, of course designed to make Elinor a more sympathetic character before sending her to her fate, and Serena’s game was really sweet.   Also Serena’s later reveal to Jason that she was thinking about inviting Ellie back to live with them again, ramping up the angst.

I will mention Liberty briefly, but I don’t think she deserves it.  I can’t really see the point of her character anyway, so she showed up whilst Serena had to perform life saving surgery - she served no purpose to me at all, she didn’t make Serena look bad, she just showed up then buggered off, leaving nary a ripple on my screen.

Now to Elinor’s collapse.  Naughty, naughty Jasmine.  She is a doctor, yes?  Since when is it OK for doctors to let themselves be talked out of giving a patient neuro obs?  I know people can refuse treatment, but Ellie technically didn’t do that, and hells, woman, she’s Serena’s daughter.  Mindless stupid girl.  Not endeared her to me at all.

Bernie and Serena whilst watching Ellie’s surgery were lovely.  The hand clutching for support, perfect.  And finally, Serena at Elinor’s bedside running through the neuro tests that Ellie had failed - all the basic tests to determine brain stem function.  Which seemingly is not present in Ellie.  An absolutely heartbreaking scene.  Bernie has clearly demonstrated her commitment to be there for Serena, which is great.   BUT, I do feel that this disaster has been of rather epic proportions, quite unnecessarily so.  I believe exactly the same committment could have been shown without tearing Serena’s life apart quite so dramatically.

I rather discordant note from that scene - for me - was Bernie asking Serena if Elinor was a donor.  I don’t think  Bernie should have done that at all.  She was there as Serena’s support, not a transplant co-ordinator.  And to have brought that up as a ‘spouse’, well, I think perhaps it’s a little soon in their relationship to be claiming joint parental responsibility for Elinor, especially with Elinor’s reaction to them.

This a pretty long post, seems a bit pointless to put a cut in now, but since I’m about to chuck in some speculation, here goes.

Elinor’s drug use.  As I mentioned, with the repeated nods to it within the story, it seems that Serena is still unaware..  I feel it’s likely that the discovery has something to do with the chewing out she gives Jasmine in the Autumn trailer - so that’s one way they’re going to use it.  But how will it come up now?  My main bet is that Serena will decide to donate Ellie’s organs, so something good can come out of her death.  But then some test or other will somehow highlight her drug use and render her organs unusable.  Yet another blow for Serena.  But with this theory, why do it?  Does it really add to the drama?  They’ve already established that the car accident could just have been a combination of tiredness and upset from the argument.  They didn’t need to have Elinor as a drug user - the pain tht the knowledge would have brought Serena would have been far greater in life than after Ellie’s death, surely?  It just seems extremely unnecessary - unless it really IS just a tool to allow Serena to yell at Jasmine, and surely, she’s got more than enough reason without that one.

My other theory, and I am aware that this is not going to happen (apparently some writer on Twitter categorically confirmed that Elinor was dead?) was that the drug use could have a far more interesting part to play.  In an (quite possibly outdated and superceded) medical paper from the 1980s detailing the criteria for determining brain death, as seen here, in the case of head injury combined with a history of drug use, accurate measures of brain stem activity can’t be determined until several days have passed, as drug use could cause a temporary lack of activity.  Therefore, I feel the most effective use of the storyline would be to have this happen - in other words, the drama without the death.  It would still have been unlikely in this scenario that Elinor would have recovered unscathed, so still plenty of scope for long term angst.  That, folks, is how I would’ve written it anyway :-)

Anyway, I rarely speculate quite so wildly in these reviews, so apologies.  There are a lot of feelings out there at the moment, some folks are hopeful, others disheartened, and others still are painfully affected by the story.  Regardless of which each viewer  is, it’s undeniable that it’s going to be hard to watch, because if you’re reading this, there’s a fair bet you care about the characters.  Bernie wasn’t wrong when she said that no parent should outlive their child.  As an avenue to explore Bernie’s commitment to Serena, it all seems a bit crass to me.  But we will no doubt get some amazing acting out of it.

Grief sometimes brings couples together.  But sometimes it drives them apart.  And since I’m all aboard the speculation train, I am just going to throw one last thought out there. I don’t know when JR’s contract is up, but Serena’s grief and pushing Bernie away, hell, it’s not inconceivable that a few months down the road it could be a departure storyline. Grief doesn’t pass overnight, the ramifications can be seen months down the line.  And there’s only so long Bernie can try to be there for Serena if Serena chooses to repeatedly push her away.  (Not specifically saying this is what I think will happen.  Just generally sayin’!)