#where theres love we must live on

[a-beauty-lives-in-every-soul]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[rxttenfish]

Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series

I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened

sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.

as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.

for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.

no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.

this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.

to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.

(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)

all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.

montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.

yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.

and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.

which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.

but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.

and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.

but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.

this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.

the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.

this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.

like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.

but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.

even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.

the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.

this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.

stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.

which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.

if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.

and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.

more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.

[technicolorxsn]

wish I could force some people to read mother night tbh

[totheseok]

☆ boynextdoor reaction to you biting them

requested: no

genre: fluff ig?

warnings: none that i can think of

word count: 1.1k

a/n: more self indulgent things because I have a biting problem.

sungho:

gobsmacked

yk that really shocked face he makes where his mouth is open and his eyes are wide?

that's his face when he realises you bit him

it's a light bite but it's unexpected

you two are in the lower homes living room just chilling. sungho is playing fifa while you just mindlessly scroll on your phone. eventually you get tired of your phone and now you need your boyfriends attention. but sungho is locked in on the game and you know simply asking for his attention wouldn't work. so naturally you do what must be done. and you bite his arm. you bit him lightly but you've never bitten him before so man was s h o c k e d. he looks towards you eyes wide, mouth open and then looks at his arm, then back at you.

"hi"

"hi? did you just bite me?"

"mhm"

"why?"

you bit him again and cuddled up in his side 😌

riwoo:

goes silent

riwoo.exe has stopped responding

like remember the funnextdoor episode where he went quiet and woonhak was like "riwoo is trying to think of something funny to say"

kinda like that

riwoo gives me yapper vibes so...

you two are sitting at the table in the kitchen just enjoying some snacks while talking about your day. he's probably telling you about a new dance he's learning or something stupid that happened at dance practice. you're just listening and watching your absolute cutie patootie of a boyfriend yap away. as he's doing this you cant help but notice how cute his cheeks look. and how biteable they look.... and so to preserve your own sanity you do just that. you bite his cheek 😌. following your bite all you hear is, well, nothing. sanghyeok is just sitting staring at you with wide eyes, bite unfinished. man is shocked, flustered, flabbergasted and so much more

"riwoo?"

"..."

"baby?"

"..."

"sanghyeok?"

"..."

jaehyun:

menace pt1

bros probably going to start singing bite me ngl

but we know hes a dramatic pookie

so that too

you and jaehyun are in his room. hes studying some english. youre having the time of your life, laying with your head in his lap, watching him struggle to pronounce "yacht". you offered to help him but noooo, he can do it. refuses to let you help because he wants to prove he can do it himself and with any other word you wouldnt doubt him. he's quite good at english and hes improving rapidly but the word "yacht"... its a pain in the ass to learn at first even if english is your first language. i mean look at it it should be pronounced "ya ch t" or something. he had first said "ya ch t" and was convinced that's how it was pronounced until he looked at your face and realised he was wrong. but was going to ask for help? no? but manz could NOT figure out what else it could be.

after about 5 minutes of watching him struggle you got fed up and decided to MAKE him listen to you. so you leaned your head down. and but his thigh. surprised at first, bamboozled even. but once he realised what had happened he started giggling soon followed by you. after recovering from the laughing fit, he did not miss a single beat and started singing in that voice he uses to annoy sungho.

"its you and me in this world 내게로 다시 와 tie me"

"seriously? thats you first response?!?!"

"날 구원할 거라면 just come kiss me and bite me"

"sure but say 'yacht' first"

"HEY"

taesan:

bites back.

thats it

thats the headcanon

jk but fr

i cant find it now but theres a video of taesan biting jaehyun and bro just nommed in jaehyuns arm

which is why im 100% sure he would bite back

honestly wouldnt even be phased

its probably your love language as a couple

you and taesan were at the studio, taesan was working on some new songs while you sat nearby doing some assignments. eventually the words you were typing started floating around the screen and you didnt even know what you were typing so you decided it was a good time to take a break. but if youre taking a break then taesan should also be taking a break because 1. he was probably tired too and 2. how dare he work while youre taking a break instead of giving you attention. so you decided to give him a few minutes so that he wouldnt lose his train of though. plus he looks so cute when hes focused so...

HOWEVER a few minutes turned into 10 minutes. 10 minutes turned into 20. and eventually half an hour passed. you realised taesan wasnt about to take a break any time soon, so you decided to take matters into your own hands. you slowly crept up behind him and attacked. bro did not move. just looked at you smiled and pulled you into his lap. you may not have gotten a reaction but hey, now you get attention from your boyfriend. with no consequences... right? err❌ wrong.

"whats up?"

"you should take a break youve been working for so long. nonstop"

"okay"

"youre just going to listen? that easily?"

"hmm?" *bites you*

leehan:

menace pt2

takes it as an opportunity to flirt

teases you to no end

i keep thinking about that boynextdoor 2night video where while spinning bottle the jaehyun told him he was doing it the wrong way

and he was like ill do it how i want

so like

think abt that

you and leehan were watching a kdrama while cuddling. initially both of you were very invested and you kept fangirling over the male lead (me every time i watch unlock my boss) and leehan would laugh and jokingly complain about it. after about two more episodes you noticed that leehan hadnt said anthing in a while so you looked towards him and saw that he had dozed off. but this was unacceptable how could he leave you to watch people try to kill each other on your own. no absolutely not. this was not allowed. how dare he. you first tried slightly shaking him awake, it woke him up but he just mumbled something unintelligible and closed his eyes again. time for plan b. biting him.

it worked. quite well. too well.

"why???"

"why what?"

"baby i know i taste good but if youre hungry the gummies might serve you better"

"you left me alone to watch mr.oh be mean to my husband 😔"

"hey its ok i didnt hear anything he said about me~"

"oh god you know what go back to sleep"

[norrizzandpia]

okay so you know how oscar sleeps like anywhere, can we have some thing about how they claim they are friends but theres all these photos that lando has (or anyone really) of them two sleeping in the most random places and lando posts them as a joke (sorry if it doesnt make sense!!)

This request is 💋

Sleeping Buddies or Dating? (OP81)

Summary: Oscar and Y/n love to sleep next to each other. They don’t love each other. That’s it.

Warnings: Lando and the other drivers being menaces, language

y/nnn this is payback for making me think you have pics of me and oscar asleep together

Comments:

landonorris I LITERALLY DO???? YOUVE STARTED A WAR

- oscarpiastri lando….

- Mclarensgirly LEAK THEM LANDO

- ln4op81 plz. my bday is in a few days. that would be the best bday present.

- landonorris happy bday then

landonorris ALSO I LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD IN THIS IDK WHAT TF YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING

- y/nnn you actually don’t stop being delulu

- oscarpiastri YOURE SPURRING HIM ON

—

landonorris this is for not shutting up 🫶🏻

Comments:

oscarpiastri THIS MANY????? EXIST??????

- landonorris yes.

- danielricciardo yes.

- logansargeant yes.

- alexalbon yes.

- charlesleclerc yes.

- y/nnn oh!

y/nnn were you silent or silenced?

ln4andop81 YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME. AND THEY ARE STILL NOT TOGETHER??????

- mclarensgirly in my heart they are 😥

F1gossip they have to be dating no way you fall asleep like that in the second pic and are just friends

- f1fan2023 idk man they’ve done some questionable things in the past and stayed friends

- papayafan481 TRUEEEE like that one time Oscar said in an interview he spends nights at y/n’s all the time and they “get up to some fun” BROS GOTTA KNOWN WHAT THAT MEANS

- mclarennnnn ALSO when he won his first podium and ran up to her and KISSED HER CHEEK???? THATS THE BIGGEST MYSTERY OF F1 BC HE WAS SO CLOSE TO HER FUCKING LIPS. YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME HE DIDNT KISS THE SIDE OF HER MOUTH AND REALIZED HE WAS ON LIVE TV SO GASLIT EVERYONE INTO THINKING HE KISSED HER CHEEK. HE KISSED HER. HE DID.

- f1fan2023 that moment is fs my roman empire. i think abt the logistics of that moment every day

—

logansargeant thought I’d hop on the train ;)

Comments:

y/nnn BRO I DIDNT DO SHIT TO YOU

- logansargeant i am SICK AND TIRED of hiding

- mclarensgirly sorry… HIDING WHAT????

- mclarennnnn HE KISSED HER ON LIVE TV.

oscarpiastri you got the audacity from where?

- logansargeant you.

- f1fan81 BYEEEEEE

- mclarensgirly LIGHT HIM UP AMERICAN BOY

- ln4andop81 WTF IS A KILOMETERRRRR??????

mclaren are we sensing a soft launch?

- oscarpiastri ADMIN.

- y/nnn UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

- mclarensgirly WHAT.

- ln4andop81 MY MANIFESTATIONS ARE COMING TRUE OMFG

- f1fan2023 i can die happy now (i am going to live out the rest of my days living for their relationship)

- landonorris oh shit.

—

oscarpiastri yes, i did kiss her on live tv and tried to gaslight everyone into thinking i kissed her cheek (it worked on all you bitches don’t lie)

Comments:

F1fan2023 WE WON YALL

mclarennnnn I WAS FUCKING RIGHT THIS WHOLE TIME I WAS FUCKING RIGHT HOLY SHIT

- oscarpiastri your comments were concerning me ngl

- y/nnn yea he thought you were going to expose us

landonorris this hard launch took way too fucking long omg

- y/nnn shut tf up bitch

mclaren we can die happily now 🥹

- mclarensgirly mclarens just like us fr

- oscarpiastri y/n and i no longer wish you death after you outed us

- mclaren NO LONGER?????? YOU DID AT ONE POINT???????

- y/nnn shhh, admin. “no longer”, that’s what you need to pay attention to

—

y/nnn he’s mine now bitches 👹

Comments:

oscarpiastri idk what your obsession is with these two pics

- y/nnn YOURE FUCKING HOT LEAVE ME ALONE

landonorris happy for you ig

- y/nnn I know the heartbreak must be painful

mclaren we would like to take the credit for dressing Oscar in the second pic

- y/nnn you deserve the world for putting him in that jacket.

mclarensgirly im rlly kicking and screaming tho

F1fan2023 i know i said i would die happy bc of this news but suddenly i hate the fact this man is off the market

- landonorris well that sucks bc pastry is sickeningly in love

[onlyrains]

BLIND DATE & TRUTH

pairing: park sunghoon x reader | genre: slight angst, enemies to lovers (?) (not really) | wc: 1.8k | warning: sunghoon as former figure skater, mention of bully, lmk if theres more a/n: def not my best but let me know if you want a part 2! it's longer than usual, hope you don't mind it ;)

if you only could choose one thing to hate with your whole heart, that must be the time when you liked park sunghoon.

—maybe liked is an understatement. you literally idolized him… adored him… and you loved him.

you hate the fact that you had loved him for the longest time to the point where you gaslight yourself to not knowing him at all, when his ridiculously perfect face is engraved in your memory.

you used to watch all his figure skating performances on any channel you could find on the internet. you even have his schedule on your mind while he was literally your groupmate in chemistry and english literature. you knew how many medals he got—and which competition they were from—when you acted oblivious to anything in front of him. you were basically a fool.

and he thoughts so too.

the whole thing ended when he found out you were a big fan of his. his friend even spreaded a fake rumor that you had his photos all over your bedroom walls for a very inappropriate reason. the worst part was he didn't even ask you for any explanation. he refused when you tried to hit him up and let the school mock you for the rest of your year in high school. he ruined your high school days.

and a couple weeks ago, your mom suddenly begged you to go on a blind date with her friend's child. you were a bit surprised, but as an adult now, you tried to handle it in a very mature way. you managed to make her promise to let you live on your own after you attend this date. you had no choice when she finally agreed.

and today is the day. you're just a few meters away from your date and you have your mom massaging your shoulder to loosen up a bit.

“don't forget about your promise, mom.” you say before let out a long sigh from your mouth. seeing his back facing you makes it ten times more chilling then it already is. you rarely speak to someone with such a romantic intention and now here you are, on a blind date your mom forcefully encourages you to go on.

“don't worry, honey. now, shoot your shot.” you snort at her words. somehow feeling a knot forming in your chest after staring at his back for a second, quite suffocating.

your sweaty fist glued on your hips before you take a confident step towards his table. heart pounding out of nervousness, in contrast with the quiet atmosphere of the restaurant.

“hello, are—” your words hanging mid sentence. your breath stuck in your throat as he looked up to you and gave the same reaction.

there he is. the park sunghoon—adult version of park sunghoon—and more muscular version.

you squint at the prior spot of you and your mom stood. she's gone. “oh?—nevermind. i might just go.”

you don't even hesitate to walk away through the exit door but his replies make you halt halfway. “or maybe you shouldn't,” his gaze fixated on you with raised eyebrows.

“i know you're surprised—well, me too. but i think we have a bigger business to do today, don't we?”

“what do you mean?” your jaw clenched.

“i have a deal about this meetings. aren't you too?”

you roll your eyes remembering the freedom you always dreamed of.

i'm free today. i'm free today. i'm free today. you repeat the phrase like a mantra in your head.

“have a sit, please?” sunghoon voiced again and you obey him.

“well, how are you?” he asked, stacking one leg on top of the other.

you feel like throwing up. honestly, seeing his face this close is your nightmare to say at least. hearing him ask how you are is the biggest bullshit you've ever heard in your entire life. he doesn't seem like he carries guilt like you do with shame and embarrassment.

“how could my mom know your parents?” you ask sternly.

“c'mon, relax, miss. it's not like i know how they met in college?”

“they're met in college?” you repeat.

“not so good relationship with mother, eh?”

you frown. how could you love someone like him? a high schooler is indeed so stupid.

“what do you want?”

“me? eat. i'll have my lunch here.”

“sunghoon, i'm ser—”

“so you remembered my name.” an amusement painted on his face. “i thought you hated me that much.”

“i shouldn't forget people who ruined my teenage self, right?” you almost let your impulse win to leave from his sight in a heartbeat.

“yeah, that is right.”

“your order, sir,” a waiter arrived and placed two plates of pasta on your table. sunghoon take a glance at how it paused your movement.

“hope you're a fan of pasta too,” he said as the waiter finished filling his drink.

you hiss at the fact that your mom friends with his parent. why should it be him? out of all men in the world, why him? you really dressed so nice for this meetings to respect your date thinking this might be first and last time you met each other and now you regret it with all your heart. you don't need to look this fine for him. he doesn't deserve it.

“the food here is too good to be thrown out, y/n. dig in.”

your gaze still on him, hoping your sharp eyes leave a cut on his nose so he knows how much you hate him.

“have a bite. i ain't going nowhere. you can stare at me as much as you want.”

your grip on the fork tightens. he glances at your white knuckles calmly before opens his mouth. “see, i have an important deal after this meeting, y/n. we need to make this end smoothly.”

“we? so your deal depends on me?” you ask, his chewing slowed down.

he shrugs. “it wasn't like i knew i'd be meeting you and put everything on your hand. my deal is still depends on me. don't be burdened.”

“burdened? ridiculous. i'd be happy if i take a big part, tho.” you say with a pleasant voice. “meaning i have you in a palm of my hand.”

he scoffs. “well, not that much. i'm still their child afterall.”

you raise an eyebrow. “oh, the deal is with your parent? really?” a soft chuckle escapes from your mouth. “so a twenty-seven sunghoon is still begging things from his parents? where were the ace park sunghoon in high school? bet people oblivious about him being a loser now.” you swear your heart has never been so relieved before.

his jaw tenses. “and bet they haven't forget about the loser y/n. now she's twenty-seven, lonely as fuck, haven't move on from high school, and still a loser.”

you laugh, don't know why his attack tickles your stomach a lot. “that's very consider of you to observe your fan too, sunghoon.” you smile, decide to face your own ashamement, to eat your own resentment you keep for years. “i didn't know if any former figure skater do that too.”

he gulps at the reminder. it's been years since the last time since he heard the word ‘former figure skater’ being thrown to his face. that was years ago since he gave up on everything. that was years ago since he finally agreed to take a place in the company his family owns. that was years ago since he felt less stressed and had the freedom for the last time.

and you lightly bring it up after the effort he gave to bury everything down. he is indignant.

he reaches for your hand to hold it firmly. “better use that mouth for something more useful, y/n.”

“better treat me nicely for your own sake, park sunghoon.”

“you too, y/n. whatever deals that made you show up here won't end well if you keep acting like this. so shut your pretty mouth up and finish your food.” his low voice echoing your eardrums, sending chills down to your spine. the jazzy music in the background got silenced by his tensioned growl.

you slightly flinch on your chair. the air is getting hotter and the knot in your chest feels a little bit too throttling. did you cross the line? was that too mean? or is he just a temperamental jerk?

you swallow the lumps in your throat and take a sip of your white wine. “is it about your family?” you ask after mustering up courage. the mere thoughts about the deal possibly involving you are so bothersome.

he looks up with a glare that could punch a hole in your face. “you care now?” he took a mouthful.

“i'm not. just make sure that's nothing to do with me.” you are still indecisive about whether wanting to demolished him slowly or forget everything that happened today and continue your work-oriented life as usual.

he rubbed his hair with his palm frustratedly. “it is not, okay?” he sighs. “see, this is why they never liked you, y/n. you always only care about yourself. you're too self-centered. it was because of you. not me. i didn't even do anything back then.”

your breath ragged. “exactly! you've done nothing! you knew it was all a lie yet you've done nothing! you let them ruined my life, sunghoon.”

a couple pairs of eyes starting to turn to your table.

“i spent the last year of my high school in full horror. and that's because of—”

“i didn't! i've done everything i could but they were just too caught up with the story! they didn't want a fact, they wanted a new target!”

your breath hitch. almost sobbing right away from the overwhelming emotion you feel. you just hide it for too long and maybe today is indeed your free day. you want to let all your feelings show in front of him.

“then i left for the national championship,” he adds, with a lower voice. “that was my last chance. they sent me to the training center for months and i tried to do anything but training. my mind was so full of you but i was basically isolated from the outer world.” his buff shoulder drooped. a guilt written on his face.

a tear fall down your cheek.

“and i didn't make it to be a national athlete, y/n. i didn't. and i couldn't see you after graduation because i was too busy to convince myself that it wasn't your fault. it really wasn't.”

you broke into tears, your hand spontaneously covered your face. this is too much to process. you need a whole week to absorb everything you just heard.

that was nonsense, right? you can't be hating a wrong person after all this time.

you heard him stand from his chair and walk away. that's fine, you think. he has all the rights. he can leave you alone with your gorgeous red dress that hugged your body perfectly in such a nice fancy restaurant. yes, he can. he absolutely can.

your phone rings with the custom ringtone you chose specifically for notifications from your mom.

“let's go, y/n. my mom waits for you.”

[beenbaanbuun]

late w/ poly seongsang

“finally decided to show up, then?” you hear immediately as you throw the door to the apartment open. you should’ve known the two of them would be waiting up for you, seemingly unable to do anything within you by their side. its funny really; despite the anger that simmers through the living space like a pot waiting to overflow, they still want you there.

“i was busy running errands,” you start to say at the same time seonghwa mumbles a soft ‘yeo,’ and you can’t help but pause. seonghwa had arguably been the more hurt out of the two, and yet his gentle disposition always leads him to forgiveness first. you clear your throat as you gesture for seonghwa to continue. whatever he has to say is probably more productive than the sarcasm you were about to drop.

“yeosang,” he repeats, ever so slightly tilting his head to face the other man. you slide the door shut as quietly as possible, although you’re not sure why. perhaps you don’t want to cause any more disruptions to the peace, not that there’s much of that left, “i thought we agreed to be nice.”

yeosang scoffs before slamming the bills that he was counting down onto the chest beside him. you flinch at the loud noise as it echos around the van “no, hwa-hyung,” he spits, “you agreed to be nice. i said i was going to teach our girl a lesson.”

the smirk on his lips causes your breath to hitch. it’s a look you’re familiar with and you can’t help but shy away from it. the last time he looked at you that way was when you’d hit on yeosang’s opponent as a way to distract him. it had worked, obviously, but that wasn’t the point. it had hurt seonghwa’s pride to know that half of the reason he won the race was because of your distractions, and it had hurt yeosang that you hadn’t discussed the plan with him before you executed it. it had hurt them both to see them hanging off another man’s arm, cooing at his every word. it’s safe to say yeosang had made sure it wouldn’t be a recurring issue.

“i don’t think she meant to be late to the race, sangie” the taller of the two coos, trying his hardest to squash the issue before yeosang could take it any further, “we had her up late last night. poor thing must be tired!”

“yeah?” yeosang cocks a brow as he answers his elder, although his gaze never leaves your own, “well, the ‘poor thing’ in question didn’t seem to be complaining when we had her bent over the hood of your car until god knows what hour, did she?”

you flush at the memories of last night, but soon shake them loose when you realise that it won’t be of any help to your current situation.

“besides, you know just as well as i do that the little slut loves it when i’m a little mean,” he pats one of his deliciously spread thighs, and you, being as well trained as you are, begin to shuffle closer. you reach him, probably not as quickly as he would’ve liked, and kneel down between his spread legs. your gaze hits the floor immediately, “perhaps if you weren’t so soft, hwa-hyung, she’d listen to you when you ask her to be on time.”

seonghwa sighs from behind you, but doesn’t say a word to argue. he knows as well as you do that you can get away with murder with him.

maybe you did intentionally forgot to set an alarm this morning, and maybe you had ‘slept through’ their attempts to wake you up before heading to the track, but it was only because you knew seonghwa wouldn’t do anything. perhaps if you were thinking a little harder this morning you would’ve known that where hwa wouldn’t punish you, yeosang would.

as they saying goes, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

“well, do what you need to do,” seonghwa sighs as he grabs his abandoned book from the floor and moves until his back is flat against the arm of the sofa, “just try not to be too loud; this book is finally getting good.”

before you can let your jaw drop at how easily seonghwa is to pass you over to yeosang and leave you at the mercy of his evil schemes, theres a hand clamping it closed. it wraps firmly around your jaw, fingers digging into your cheeks to make your lips jut out in a pout. you know there’s no use resisting as he tilts your head until you’re looking him dead in the eyes. there’s a twinkle behind them telling you you he’s going to thoroughly enjoy taking you down a few pegs.

“you know,” he starts, “if it was just the case of being late this morning, this wouldn’t be happening. if you’d just apologised to our beloved seonghwa and accepted that you’d upset him, i would’ve let you off the hook.”

he shifts one of the fingers that rests on your jaw, bringing it to your lips and slipping it between them with a warning of, ‘no biting,’ as he pushes down on your tongue. spit pools around the digit but you’re not able to swallow it down. you have no choice but to stare at him with wide eyes as he plays with your mouth like a toy.

“but then you had to argue and storm out of here like a little brat,” he curls his finger, hooking it over your lower teeth and tugs you closer by your jaw until your nose is almost touching his crotch, “do you even know how worried we were? even with all that anger?” he scoffs as he pushes your face back with force. the fingers around your jaw loosen, and the one on your tongue slips free. you think you’re in the clear, until you feel them curl around your neck. you go to take in a breath, but as you do, his fingers squeeze the sides. your breath stutters, “were you even thinking about us when you were off doing fuck knows what? did you even stop and think for a second that maybe walking around alone in the dark would just make us worry?”

and you have to admit, the answer is no. you were too angry to think about them for longer than a few seconds. now, as you’re surrounded by your two lovers, you realise that your anger wasn’t even placed at them. in fact the only feeling you felt so strongly towards them was guilt; the anger was mostly towards yourself. you didn’t even need to wonder why; the list from today alone was too long to count.

“i just needed some fresh air,” you whimper as you squirm against the hand on your neck, “needed to think straight. i’m sorry now, i am!”

the grip he has on your neck loosens a little as watches you beg for his forgiveness. if he feels a little pang of adoration shoot through his heart as he watches your eyes gloss over with unshed tears, that’s for him to know. it’s so easy for him to see why seonghwa is so gentle with you all the time when you look so fragile, but someone has to put you in your place when you’re bad. if it’s not going to be seonghwa, then it has to be him.

he quickly mends the small cracks of sympathy in his heart before diving back in, tightening his hand once more around your neck. you whine, but this time yeosang holds his feelings back with a cruel smirk.

“oh, you’re sorry are you?” he condescends with a fake pout, “should’ve thought about that earlier, little one. now you’d better get to work. you know forgiveness comes hand in hand with repentance…”

[preposterousjams]

My opinion on the Latino Jason Todd headcanon

While I do understand ppl's criticism of the latino Jason todd headcanon and how its kind of racist to make the kid with parents with drug problems as the latino one, to me its more of a reclamation BECAUSE of DC's racism.

Read any 80s/90s batman issue that covers gang violence and drugs, most if not ALL of the criminals are poc; black people and latinos visibly make up the majority in the poorer neighbourhoods in Gotham. Aside from the caricaturist way they r drawn/speak, its not THAT weird cause its a reflection of irl big cities where immigrants and marginalised ppl are often forced to live in such situations, (like most of my dominican family lives in the bronx... it aint racist to say dominicans tend to flock there), BUT...the weird part is when the second a sympathetic character comes from that area, he's white and has a name thats "too fancy for the streets".

Obviously, Jason was created to look like the old robin, so I can't say that the whole "diamond in the rough" situation was purposely a tad bit racist, but its still a lil weird (especially with bruce's comment).

If Jason were a part of the overwhelming demographic in his area, the good-kid-in-a-bad-area trope has less connotations. DC is currently trying to fix this trope is by making crime alley whiter, which isn't bad but they could've just yk... humanised the non-white residents.

I also feel like the messed up way Jason was treated post-death is what makes him so relatable to latino readers. His tragic story of dying while trying to save his only living relative is turned into a lesson for newer vigilantes. Jason's particular disdain for abusers on a few occasions was twisted (by both writers and characters) into him always being dumb, reckless, cocky, angry and disobedient, always violent, never having been able to get over his upbringing. None of those things were true (he was a normal level of reckless and cocky like every other robin, not more), but its an easier narrative to digest compared to how it was in reality; a kid who worked so hard and loved even harder, died to save a woman who couldn't care less about his existence. He was an emotional AND smart kid who wanted so bad to help others get better but was remembered as too emotional (in a bad way).

THIS is the reality for many latino diasporas in day to day life; Theres no question that Latino culture is passionate and emotive, but people from other cultures assume that it is followed by instead of logical. both can coexist. emotion does not mean u have no logic. Emotions can be irrational but they aren't inherently that way, and I wouldn't say that the moments where Jason lashed out as a teenager were irrational (in og runs, not rewrites post red hood), they were mostly done to protect someone (going crazy on abusers, disobeying batman to save sheila, that time he got into a fight at school to defend his friend).

A lot of euro-centric culture is OBSESSED with the idea that rationality is separate from feelings and emotions, but not crying at a funeral doesn't mean you're better than those who do. Emotions are the basis of human ethics and morals, they define the way we interact as a collective and ignoring them does not mean they are not there. Theres no winner to a contest of who can feel the less. And the way Jason's emotions are treated (pre-rh, hes definitely unhinged afterwards lol) is so in line with how white culture tends to punish those who aren't ashamed to feel.

I TOTES UNDERSTAND that some ppl who headcanon Jason as latino are doing it for the complete opposite of reasons, like "oh here some angry emotional guy with druggie parents, haha must be latino". Its weird. I dont like it. And its only brought up so he can swear in spanish in some rlly bad text post where his emotions are getting out. But to me there's so much potential for metanarrative and commentary on how latinos are treated in media that can be exemplified through the way his character is treated. Being latino would add SO MUCH DEPTH to his character and his dynamic with the others.

[soodoonimin]

Logan Howlett and animal instincts (or in other words my long winded analysis of a comic book character)

So before I start, just know that I have read a lot of comics but I don't know everything. I can take notes all day long but I have a bad memory and comics are confusing so please be nice and enjoy, this took a lot of effort to put together, it’s mostly my thoughts on the character as I read the the comic books. The movie character is a lot different and I will also probably do something like this for movie Logan as well (though it will be significantly shorter).

Also there are some pictures that have blood and body horror so beware.

What does it mean to be human? Well that's a question we as humans have been trying to answer since we could think to ask it and ever since then we've never been able to give a fully conclusive answer. Why? you may ask, well because think about it like this, the traits we most often associate with humanity (higher thinking, creativity, empathy, and love) may not and some times do not always exists solely within us when applied to fiction, we write whole stories about how robots can be human too, how aliens can be human etc etc as long as they have these traits (more or less) AND LOOK I'm not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion about the nature of humanity on Tumblr.com but I do want to take a second to talk about how those traits are applied to Logan and how he has to fight to prove his humanity.

So mutants are an oppressed people but being a mutant isn't always the same for everyone. You can be a mutant like Rouge who can kill people with a single touch or mutant like Storm who can bend the weather to your will (the most obvious example). You can be a mutant like Jean with no obvious physical signs of your mutation or you can be a mutant like Kurt, where 9/10 people think you’re a demon of some kind.

But what happens when you're a mutant like Logan Howlett? I mean you look human enough, sure you're a little more hairy than most people, you have fangs, you smell, and oh yeah the claws but those are retractable so overall....you're just a normal person right? Nothing you can’t hide, right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. But there are a couple of other things about you that someone might not know from looking at you, you have an extraordinary healing factor, you have almost animal like senses and when you are pushed to your absolute brink you go into a monstrous like a rage and kill everything in sight.

For every gift Logan was born with theres a very real curse attached to each one.

Healing Factor: Logan still feels pain, the healing factor isn’t just limited to his body but it also messes with his memories, and more importantly he’s lived a very long life. In The End comic and Old Man Logan comic etc, when he’s out lived most of the world, he’s miserable.

Keen senses: Seems great, until they’re exploited, imagine what being able to smell and see and hear that well all the time without relief must be like. Imagine not being able to tell when someone is going to die? Or when they’re lying or when they haven’t showered etc. sure you might get used to it like you might get used to pain but that doesn’t make it pleasant.

Claws: Need to really touch on this one? Aside from the obvious please remember that Logan’s claws aren’t in his knuckles but in his fucking forearms so when using them he needs to make an effort to direct them or….

Berserker rage: great to get you out of a pinch but you can’t control it. (We’ll talk more about this later)

Most people don’t see these very real downsides of Logan’s mutation, they just see a small, angry guy, who’s good at fighting and can take a hit better than almost anyone.

Here’s what worse, a lot of people (X-men included) don't see, they don't all the ways Logan hates himself (and those who do don’t see the depths of that hate he has for himself). They don't see the scared little boy whose father was killed in front of him. They don't see that little boy who killed his father's murderer and was abandoned by all but one person for one person (Rose). They don't see the young man who accidentally killed his first love while trying to protect her from his brother. They don't see the man who lived a relatively miserable life being plucked up by a group of people who only saw him as something to be experimented on. They don’t see the man who believes that if he loves someone he's destine to hurt them in one way or another because he has multiple times over (even if it wasn’t always his fault). They don’t see that for all the times that they call Logan an animal, he already believes them and he’s called himself worse many times over.

(Deep down he truly believes he deserves be to alone, especially in death. That would be his “deserved” hell. Eternal loneliness.)

Which is funny because I think Logan goes back and forth in deciding on whether or not he has any humanity in him in the first place. See in the Black, White and Blood comic, the FIRST story told in this series, is an account of Logan’s time at Weapon X and we get this…interaction:

Pourquoi tu me fais ça?///Why are you doing this to me? This "monster" asks him this on the cusp of death....

(Moments during the Weapon X program, be they real memories or not, when Logan’s humanity shone through)

And THIS almost immediately snaps him out of mind control he's under going. I don't know if he understood the words per say but I think even if he didn't, he still understood the plea on a human level. Because it wasn’t Weapon X who responded, it wasn’t the berserker, or Wolverine. It was Logan Howlett. It was a moment of humanity that broke the conditioning he’d been put through that answered that plea and stopped him. Because if you think about it, if these two memories actually are real, that means that Logan recognized this plea as the same one gave to the scientists. Now determining what did or didn't happen during the Weapon X program is difficult to parse out because they implanted false memories. BUT regardless of that there was always a part of him that held onto his humanity. But I think that just adds to the horror of it all. Imagine not being able to know what memories are yours and which ones are not? So let me ask, even if those memories are “false” does that make them any less real? Does that mean that Logan suffered any less under their stewardship? He was still kidnapped, he was still experimented on, still tortured. He still had the adimantium grafted onto his bones, he was still made into a living puppet and was still seen as nothing more than a weapon, an animal, a monster by the very people who were doing all of this to him and in some respects they are the reason he is seen as a monster by others.

At the end of that comic (where he was momentarily snapped out of his conditioning) he states that no his humanity wasn’t stolen from him but he still lives with that guilt of everything he can’t remember and the things he can remember are unreliable.

I know a lot of people haven’t read the comics so I’m not trying to do annoying about it BUT if you get the opportunity to PLEASE go read The Weapon X comic (by Berry Windsor-Smith) & Wolverine’s first limited series run (by Chris Claremont).

I specifically say that second one because I think the story that’s told is probably one of the more interesting told for Logan because of the relationship he has with Yukio and Mariko. I’m not going to get too deep into it because I really think you should read it for yourself but the basic outline of it is that where Mariko loves the man, Yukio loves the “monster”. And when he’s initially trying to court Mariko it’s his attempts to in a sense to court humanity but he fails and when he turns to Yukio. And for her part it’s not just as simple as her loving the “monster” but more than she goads it out of him, for thematic reasons and plot reasons. But needless to say, they both love Logan but they both love an incomplete version of him. (It’s a really good story and it’s literally what sold me on the idea of reading through any of the older comics.)

Anyway, (in the comics and movies especially) some people solely see him as a man with an uncontrollable side that they’d run from at the first sign of aggression and others only want that animalistic side and don’t love the man that Logan is. The thing is, he is both of those things. Think about it like this. As humans we like to think ourselves above the food chain, we like to think of ourselves as *more* than animals. And sure we’re definitely one of the most successful species of animals on Earth and we definitely don’t act on instincts in the same way most animals do, we’ve created society and rules and we do things a lot different than other animals but we are still animals.

So Logan isn’t both a man and an animal anymore than you or me. But he is a man that is more in touch with those animal instincts than the rest of us (bc of his mutation). Which I think is why when he does act on those instincts, people see him as less, because we (yes even comic book characters for this argument) only seem associate those traits with animals, with something lesser than ourselves.

The thing is, being “an animal” doesn’t need to be an insult or a condemnation of any kind. Humans are still animals but humans are still kind, and caring, humans have still created beautiful art and music and food and architecture and have got to the stars will probably go beyond the stars all while still being an “animal”.

So I think where most people get hung up on word “animal” is because it has such a negative connotation when applied to humans. And thus that negative connotation basically perpetuates itself so the only time we call other humans animals is when we mean to attack their humanity.

So back to Logan. Imo, there is no better example of this than the way people, Logan included, treat his (and subsequently him) berserker rage. Logan describes it as a monster that shares his soul, something else inside him, the real thing that makes him a monster, something that he doesn’t like, something he’s scared of, something he can’t always control but that he does everything in his power to keep away from the people he loves. Because Logan doesn’t like to kill, he doesn’t like hurting people. He might be good at it, he might be known for it but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Even when he thinks death is a deserved punishment, he isn't ever happy about having to kill. And he even says as much at one point in the comics.

And as a real quick aside, but this is almost exactly what sets him apart from Victor Creed. They're both men whose mutation gives them heightened animal like traits. The only difference is that Logan is ashamed of those parts of himself especially when they pertain to violence where Victor likes it, enjoys it; he goes out of his way for violence.

(If there is more to Victor Creed than meets the eye please tell me bc I gotta say I don’t actually know too much about him except that any time I see him in any Wolverine media I immediately laugh bc I know the two around to brawl. And I’m almost never wrong lmao)

And mind you there are times when Logan is also a hammer in the sense that he tends to punch his way through most of his problems. But he doesn't go out of his way for it in the same way Victor does despite having every reason to.

Logan has killed people but unlike Victor he isn't a killer. Even if that's what he's "the best at".

So when he goes into this specific rage that labels him a monster (an animal) it’s almost always in front of someone he loves and it’s almost always in a moment when he’s trying to prove his humanity (when it’s being used thematically and not for plot convenience). Like if you go read the comics 9 times out 10 when Logan is being called a monster or animal by some scientist or an enemy looking to humiliate him. But it’s almost always in the mitts of a life or death situation. A situation that anyone would fight light hell to get out of even with an amazing healing factor like Logan’s.

Because he still feels pain.

He still wants to survive.

He still feels.

And at the end of it all, he feels ashamed and horrified with himself and he'll always have to live with that guilt and shame. There's a point in one of the comics when he describes his heart as being slower to heal than the rest of his body and I think its interesting because although that story he's talking more from a "heart broken" sense. I also think that can apply just as equally to idea that it also harder for him to heal from not just heart break but also from shame and guilt. In certain situations, it takes longer for him to forgive himself emotionally because he suffers physically in the short term. He’ll never have a physical scar of his wrong doing and so he carries the emotional weight of it with him.

But also because he isn't just dealing with himself. In those moments when he comes out of that rage, the people he loves are in shock and are scared because they saw the “monster” and some people do reject it and in so they reject him and although rejection is something Logan thinks he deserves, it doesn’t make that pain hurt any less. it doesn't make it any easier to heal just because you agree with them, and in a way I think that's what slows down that healing process. Logan's inability to forgive himself.

Because that's the thing, Logan, would rather be scared of himself than forgive himself, be it because of his past trauma or because of the Weapon X program (which in the Weapon X comic it’s implied if not outright stated that the scientist at Weapon X are the reason he feels the fear he does about himself). Logan is scared of no one on Earth more than the man he sees in the mirror. And that’s because in his lowest moments when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see a man, instead he sees an animal, a monster. He doesn’t need the rest of the world to tell him what he already thinks of himself, it just doesn’t help that he has a choir of voices that are sometimes louder than his own telling him his worst fear is real. He is the monster that hides under his own bed but the problem is, while the monster is 'real' is a physical sense, it does not share a soul with him anymore than the boogeyman does. He wrestles with himself. Somedays he believes he's a man like anyone else and other days he can't drown out the voices telling him he's nothing more than a monster.

And as my last touch on the beserker rage, I want to posit my own theory about it. Personally believe to some extent that it isn’t part of his natural mutation and that instead it’s something that was “given” to him by the Weapon X program. The reason I say this is because I think it would make a lot of sense that like the adimantium claws and false memories it would make sense to give you “weapon” this uncontrollable rage (that mostly comes out in times of great duress). Not just because it would be one more thing Weapon X has taken from him (control over his own emotions/body) but also because wouldn’t that just make sense on the side of the people who ran the project? That your living puppet have a fail safe of sorts in case it ran into something bigger than itself? During the Weapon X comic, the scientist are constantly surprised by how resilient he is and even though some of this surprise happens in a false memory, they really do believe they can kill him at one points so if they thought they could kill him, why not something else? Why not give their investment insurance? And what better insurance for an animal than monstrous rage. 

But of course none of this is even to talk about the kind of person Logan really is. The thing that I think most people (in the comics) tend to ignore about Logan, in favor of focusing on his rough exterior (and some of his more questionable characteristics) is that he really does have a heart of gold. Now do not get me wrong, he can do some pretty fucked up shit (I will not talk about the Jean and Scott love triangle bc it gives me a migraine) but he does regularly do things that show how much empathy he has. That show that despite what he (or the rest of the world) might think, he isn’t a monster. The best examples of this are his relationships and more specifically the relationships where he’s a father/mentor. Like his relationship with Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, two kids that he basically adopts/takes under his wing and constantly goes out of his way for. Some of you might remember this post and the reason Logan does eventually fuck Wade’s shit up is because Wade literally punches the ever living shit out of Kitty in front of Logan. In another comic issue (after this), Logan beats the shit out of Wade again for punching Kitty, it’s funny but it also just goes to show that he does take protection of his family seriously. And mind you he doesn’t hunt Deadpool down, he find him by sheer plot coincidence when he’s getting a book signed for Kitty and the author just so happened to be Deadpool’s mark.

And mind you, Logan does have love for his own kids (Laura and Daken) despite the troubled nature of both this relationships but again those are a little more complicated. That’s partially for plot reasons but also because they play into just how much Logan hates himself that he struggles active show the same love for his adopted family to his “blood” family (again with Daken it’s a lot more complicated) but I also think that not only are his relationships with them fraught because of how much he hates himself but because both Laura and Daken were experimented on just and manipulated like he was (and in Daken’s case by a major player of Weapon X) so while he does love them past his own self hatred, they are also a reminder of his deepest traumas. It’s not their fault and it’s not necessarily Logan’s fault either, it’s just the cards their characters were dealt. (I haven’t read any comics with them yet so once I do I will most likely write my thoughts on his relationship with them each individually)

Regardless, Logan, depsite what he’d like you to think, is a deeply loving, empathetic and loyal person and this doesn’t just extend to people who considers family:

(Logan says this a man who not only a few issues ago was trying to kill him and his partner/friends. He saved Roughouse (the character he went berserk on a few pictures ago) because he was being experimented on in a way not too dissimilar to the way he had been by Weapon X. And if I remember correctly this is before he even knows how he got the adimantium in his bones)

He is James 'Logan' Howlett. He is a man whose life was stolen from him so many times over. He is a man who believes that the worse parts of him are all that matter and fails (or refuses) to see the good he has done in the lives of the people he cares about and believes that only death will truly bring him peace. He is someone who despite his flaws can’t help but to be kind. He is someone who fights like hell for what he believes is right. And even if he believes he’s a monster, even if the world believes he’s a monster, he will try to do the right thing because although he knows his soul is damned that doesn’t mean that exempts him from doing what good he can. He is someone who gives and good as he gets and then some. He’s the best at what he does but for him, that isn’t alway what he thinks it is.

And I think that’s the beauty of Logan as a character. Someone whose life is so wrought with tragedy and yet he is someone who can’t help but to be kind, someone who can’t help but love and care and find the humanity in the world despite the world seeming to be hellbent on taking his humanity away. Even though he (and many people in universe) might disagree with me, he is not only a one of the best humanity has to offer but he is also a shining example of the tenacity of the human spirit.

[kkoct-ik]

PLEASE explain ur shin DID thoughts I wanna know so bad

boy am i glad you asked (LONG POST)

prefacing by saying the sou DID headcanon is very special to me to the point that i talk about it as if it is canon. i know it is not canon. i'm not arguing that this is what these moments mean, i'm arguing this is an interpretation that i really enjoy, and this interpretation of sou's character speaks to the DID experience Unnervingly well.

i use sou & shin interchangebly, they are parts of the same person, but generally i say sou for during the death game and shin for before.

so. first.

the important bit — sou's dissociation from shin tsukimi

during his first trial, shin tsukimi is given the winning percentages. there he learns that 'shin tsukimi' cannot survive the death game.

to escape shin tsukimi's weakness and inevitable death, shin abandons him, and instead takes on the name and certain characteristics of midori, to build a new self — sou hiyori. he disowns his identity as shin tsukimi to psychologically escape from his fate, so that he can psychologically survive in this moment and keep living.

a part of DID is the repression and disowning of the weak and hurting parts of you, and in turn outwardly becoming & functioning as someone or something else that can survive.

sou very literally dissociates from the weak parts of his identity and becomes & functions as someone else to survive.

and that's the absolute basis of the headcanon. turn back now if you want to. the rest is me slowly losing my sanity.

me slowly losing my sanity

so. listen. here's the thing. theres a lot more in sous behaviour that you could interpret as DID if you know where to look.

it's not quite as simple as "there are two of him: shin tsukimi (who was weak, easily manipulated, and incredibly scared) and sou hiyori (who is not that)". there are quite a few more moving parts to this guy, and also a lot of grey areas where his identity breaks down and develops over the course of the game.

the sou we first meet is timid, but not particularly vulnerable: polite, but observant. you get the vibe he is silently taking note of everything you do, because he is. during the first main game, he takes control of the discussion by claiming to be the Keymaster, both securing his survival, and giving himself a level of control over the discussions.

when the information he found on the laptop and his attempts to throw suspicion on Sara causes everyone to doubt him, he begins to panic. he brings up the moment Nao hit him - something that must have been triggering to him, considering what defines 'sou hiyori' is that he is not weak like shin tsukimi is.

i like to think in this moment a subconcious part of him realises that the present sou hiyori is not removed enough from shin tsukimi to be free of danger. despite his distance, he's weak enough to be attacked - he could have been killed, and now he's at the mercy of the masses.

his protective parts and mechanisms need to kick in at 200%. so they do.

under the pressure sou snaps and goes into a a very aggressive protector part. sou projects outwards his vulnerability complex, calling everybody else 'weaklings' who are going to die (reinforcing his dissociation from shin tsukimi). he suddenly openly rejects the value of trust and human cooperation, in an attempt to make himself seem untouchable and entirely in control.

section: sou's protector part

i love this guy so i marked out a section just to break down his protective mechanisms. this is a direct continuation from the paragraph i just ended.

after his first instance in the first main game, sou's protector part (easily spotted by his fucking mastermind persona) appears multiple times to cover up moments of vulnerability. it makes him out to be a liar, but it also makes him seem incredibly calculating and dangerous, which works just fine for him.

during the token trade game, sou 'fakes' amnesia to avoid being singled out for his actions during the first main game. he reverts back to his polite & timid demeanour for a portion of the chapter, and also sleeps for a large portion of it (due to his sickness). but to allow himself this leeway (either to play up or let slip his weakness) he employs protective mechanisms: he enthusiastically tells Sara that his memory loss was a lie, and that he's been playing them all for fools. he intentionally gives her the impression that every moment of weakness he has let slip or otherwise is part of an elaborate plot.

whether this is purely for the sake of managing how the person he fears most percieves him, or because in this part he is genuinely so disconnected from his vulnerable parts and weakness that he refuses to acknowledge it was real, is up to interpretation to me. but i do love how many layers of lies and contradiction he symbolises.

(i choose to believe his amnesia was a genuine moment of vulnerability, because the scene makes me So Happy if i read it as a vulnerable part slipping through the cracks, who's entirely disconnected from the stressful events of the main game and is genuinely terrified. i like to think his later claim it was a lie was because he could not risk Sara genuinely witnessing his repressed weakness that he swore he disowned at the door. but i digress)

he has a similar 'moment of weakness' during the second main game, where he makes it more explicit that he is not necessarily him telling the truth when he says his earlier weakness was a lie. he relies on other's confusion and the fact people think he is one step ahead of them to protect himself.

he continues to employ his mastermind persona even after the shin tsukimi reveal - although its effect is somewhat lost now that everybody knows that he has vulnerable parts (and people he loves) to protect, and that his persona exists for their sake, not because it's his true personality.

mfw when the ego protection mechanism crumbles because i was vulnerable once and now my protector part hates me.

section: shadow sou

i was going to immediately follow onto shinai and what we can learn from him, but i want to clarify shadow sou first.

the long and short of it is i think he's the closest thing we have to a midori introject. while you could argue sou hiyori has introjected traits (which he most certainly does: he takes his name for christ's sake), i think shadow sou most explicitly takes after him, especially if you read soushin as an emotionally abusive relationship.

(lingo: what is an introject? an introject is an alter who represents internalised traits and figures. for example, if you had a personality who treated you like your mother treated you, and reinforces the beliefs you internalised from her, that would be an introject of your mother. they do not have to be accurate to the real person's personality; they only echo how you saw and internalised them.)

shadow sou speaks with sou like an familiar but condescending friend, comments on sou no longer being shin, and exists to reinforce shin's feeling of weakness. midori encourages shin to become the person you want to be; shadow sou is the one to pressure shin into becoming someone else. midori is a 'scary friend' of shin's, shadow sou physically frightens and attacks shin during his moment of panic.

as far as we know, we never meet shadow sou from Sara's point of view, so i interpret him as a more internal alter. there's a lot to play off with sou's / shin's / shadow sou's relationship: i think they are soooo cute. i just wanted to point out the similarities between him and midori.

section: shinaiiiiiiii: what can he tell us?

ok yaay onto shinai. although not strictly a version of sou (not his repressed weak personality, not his polite but wary personality, not his masterminding ego protection personality, and not his internal shadow self), because he is a computer program, he does give us a certain perspective on who sou used to be.

disclaimer: we know shinai was trained by midori's love poetry, and thus you can argue his personality could be slightly altered to be more suited to midori's purposes. for the sake of this section we will take things with a grain of salt: it's what shinai can suggest about shin, not tell.

shinai gives us the impression that shin tsukimi was polite, had somewhat low self esteem, and was conflicted on midori: on one hand, he scared him a lot, but on the other, he considered him close, and they spent a lot of time together.

during the maple boss fight, shinai sobs for midori to help him. i get the impression that despite being afraid of him, shin still relied on midori for security and reassurance (sou's lantern dialogue to corroborate).

my friend suggested that shinai's / sou's conflicting accounts (with part of him being afraid of midori, and the other seeking assurance from him) could in itself imply that shin (even before the game even began) is made up of two alters with opposing attachment styles. i dont disagree.

sou vs the shinai test data

this one will be short i promise.

i really like sou's morbid interest in the shinai test data. and i know the joke is that it's love poetry and sou is embarassed and repulsed by how midori saw him, especially now that he knows how cruel midori can be, but the scene also spoke to me as a dissociative person; there is nothing more viscerally uncomfortable than learning about things you did as a different personality. it messes with your brain, because it was you, but it also wasn't you - it can't be you, you don't remember it, and it's not the kind of thing you would do, but you did - and so your dissociative rejection signals go absolutely insane. so i like this tiny scene for personal reasons.

and thatse it (i think). i think i said it all.

tl;dr:

this is my headcanon :33 or well. a graphic i made a few months ago as i was solidifying the headcanon. some minor things ive changed my opinion on / perception of since but it gets the idea across.

that said i fully support any other interpreted sou hiyori systems. go fuckin wild. i spoke to a friend a bit ago about their personal DID sou take and i had so much fun.

thank you for hearing me out

[andy-wm]

Andy, I dont think JM is queer, coz in WHO he is singing about a her, not a they.

She/her pronouns leave no scope for ambiguity.

Anon, that's like me saying 'Anonymous' must be your real name because that's who the ask came from.

Makes sense?

No.

No it does not.

If the pronouns were THEY, Jimin would be

a) slammed for being woke

and

b) not clearly telling you that he lives in a society that makes him think his love MUST be a she/her. And he can't find love, he can't find it anywhere.

If he had grown up thinking he could find love with (he/she/they... any pronouns) don't you think he would have found it by now? I mean, look at him, he's so beautiful and kind and smart. How could he not find someone?

Would he be singing songs about how he can't find love?

The way he specifically says HER tells you THAT'S WHERE THE PROBLEM LIES.

Please, Anon (not your real name, yeah?)

Please, for your future self, for you to navigate the information you encounter every day, don't just grab the first thing you see and run with it. Sure, consider your immediate reaction, but also consider what else might be happening.

Because theres always more than one way to look at a situation.

(Thats why we have a jury of 12 and courts of law, and we don't just let people claim revenge for perceived wrongs by vigilante justice. Because there's two sides to a story, and you need different perspecives to see all the angles.)

Critical thinking skills are important because often messages are hidden.

Sometimes it's because the author wants you to misunderstand at first, because their real meaning will have more impact when you discover it later.

Sometimes there are two different messages directed at two different types of audience (like kids movies with adult jokes hidden in them)

Sometimes it's because they actually cannot say what they really want to say because they aren't allowed to or because it'snot safe or because they simply don't want to be upfront.

In the case of this song, it's all three of those reasons.

Context clues tell us that this album is very queer themed. There are rainbows and smeraldo flowers everywhere.

Smeraldo flowers LITERALLY mean a hidden truth/ truth untold/ I couldn’t tell the truth.

The original posts about Smeraldo flowers are translated here:

You'll find this here: https://cafearmy.wordpress.com/category/flower-smeraldo-blog-post-translations/page/2

There are also clues in the WHO music video - the extended metaphor of the weather, and the rainbows and colour flares. These tell us THERE'S MORE GOING ON HERE.

Read the lyrics and also watch the mv and think about what you are hearing and seeing.

Follow the story and think about WHY everything is happening the way it happens.

The director didn't just randomly yell "ok dance! Now run a bit, now look at the camera, now sing!"

There's a plan. The plan is based on a story they're telling. The story has an ending that THEY ALREADY KNOW, but that we don't.

Until we've seen the whole thing and thought about it, and then gone back to see what we missed the first time around, we dont know.

Like Spring Day isn’t REALLY about the seasons, and Bapsae isnt about birds, and The Truth Untold isn't about growing flowers.

Go back and watch the MV with the audio muted and think about the story thr MV tells without the music.

Read the lyrics as though you are reading a poem.

Genuinely, i care about this (i am a school librarian Anon, i wouldn’t be one if i didn't care about how people interact with information) so listen and think about it.

Then come back and tell me if you still think he's not queer because the pronouns in this song are she.

Borahae 💜

[auraisereigh]

"Promise me, Little star"

Chapter One

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: When the battle of Aretia ends Star is left to pick up all the pieces her loved ones left behind. wc: 5.6k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Violence, Fatal injury, Death, Grief and loss, War. Let me know if i missed something. Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

Star's masterlist main masterlist

We are losing. No doubt. The amount of dragons they have on us is too high. We only have the riders who decided to side with my father. And most of us are infantry.

And it's all too clear when you're standing on the top floor of Riorson house.

I might have shot some riders out of the sky but that doesn't kill their dragons. The cross bolt does that, but they're reloading too slowly for the amount of dragons in the sky.

I keep looking out for a certain Black dragon. Hoping he stays alive. He is not a price I'm willing to pay for war.

I draw another arrow and aim at a passing dragon, a brown. I loosen the arrow. It shoots through the dragons wing, not its rider.

I stand there aiming and loosening arrows for the longest time, there seems no end in this battle. The only thing that would show that is the amount of men we are losing.

I'm running low on arrows when I see an Orange dragon go down, behind Riorson house in the mountains. I don't think much of it when I see a Black dragon follow. Naolin.

I look over to my dad on the battlefield, making sure he can hold his own, when I'm sure I turn and run down the five floors this fortress has. I make my way to the back door that leads to the mountains I saw Naolin and his dragon fly to. I don't have to make it too far in. I can hear the two dragons.

I make my way around the mountain quietly, not wanting to startle the dragons. Naolin's dragon, Tairn, knows I'm not on their side but he also knows I wouldn't harm him.

I drop my bow when I see Naolin crouched next to the body of a man, a rider. Blood pooling from his body, an arrow in his chest. He's dying.

I make my way over to them, unarmed, except for the magic I was born with. When I reach Naolin he is not crying, there are tears streaming down his cheeks but he is not crying out loud.

No, he's channeling his power. But he's a siphon, what could he possibly do for a dying man.

"Naolin?" My voice is soft but there's a hint of uncertainty. He is the only person who knows me completely. The one I'm not scared of to show vulnerability or weaknesses.

He doesn't respond but his dragon takes a step back and lets out a noise of disagreement. They must be talking to each other.

"Naolin?" I try again, my voice is much quieter this time.

"Star?" His voice is strained. He looks drained. More than he was when I just arrived.

I crouch next to him placing my hand in the crook of his elbow "it's me." I know that if he was in the right state of mind he would scold me for being here. In the open, where anyone can attack anytime. "What are you doing?" My voice panics a little feeling how hot he's becoming, how pale his skin is, how he looks like he's trying not to scream.

"Promise me something," he starts, his voice strained and rough.

I hold onto him, my magic pouring into him in the hopes to warm his cold body. "Promise me you'll live a full life." He's saying goodbye. No, he can't. I don't know a lot about siphoning but it's impossible to resurrect someone. And that man looks dead. "Naolin?" I try to pull his hands off the body but it feels like they're glued on. "No, please..." My voice has never been so vulnerable. Never sounded so broken.

"Promise me." He says again. "Promise me, little star." I can tell he's on his last life line and my heart slowly shagged. It doesn't matter how hard I try to keep him alive through my magic, I can just feel him slip away.

"Naolin..." My voice breaks completely. Tears slowly start falling down my cheeks. Theres no point in stopping him, there never was. This is who Naolin is. He'd sacrifice himself for anyone he loves. It's what is both beautiful and sad about him. He doesn't think his life is worth more. He never has. But he means more to me. He always has. He's been my rock, my comfort, even when he was days trip away at Basgiath.

I can feel the life drain out of him, his light. I can hear his heart slow and see the color drain from his face and body.

And then he falls down but I keep holding him. I don't want to let go. Not of him. Not of his soul.

I lay down next to him, his body has never been so cold. He can't be gone, no one can resurrect anyone. That other man isn't breathing either. Why would Naolin give his life for him?

Naolin's dragon, Tairn lets out a mourning roar as he lays around naolin and me, the orange doing the same with the other rider.

☆

I don't know how long i stayed there. All I know is that by night time Tairn leaves. Giving one last sniff at Naolin before flying off. Naolin once mentioned Tairn had a mate, he must be going there. Must be nice. To have someone who will comfort you, hold you in a time of darkness. Naolin was that for me.

The battle ended. Seeing as no one is looking for me I'm pretty confident we lost.

Did I lose everything? The question haunts me as I stay curled up by Naolin, looking for warmth but finding none.

The crying stopped a while ago. My heart feels hollow, empty. My head hurts with a pounding headache. My hands a red from blood. My finger bruised from pulling my bow string too much. My eyes burn from the tears. And my heart... Shattered.

In the morning I wake up, my face burning from the sun, my mouth dehydrated. I slowly sit up, hoping it's all a nightmare. But seeing the mountains and blood says enough.

A few tears escape again. But no sounds come out.

I look over to the man, his chest.... Rising and falling. He's alive... But that's impossible.

His dragon looks at me, it's head tilted as it looks at me. It would take me 2 minutes to get my bag from Riorson house.

Something kicks in, something that alarms me to get out of plain sight. I don't want to leave Naolin, but there's nothing I can do now. I get up and walk the two minutes to Riorson house. Take my bag from underneath a hatch, and walk back.

The orange is still there, curled around the man, most likely keeping his body warm.

I crouch down next to Naolin. He once gave me a simple ring, he had the same one, I put mine on a necklace I haven't taken off since I put it on. I carefully take his off his finger. Trying not to feel the dead cold that is now his body. I pocket it safe for later. I'll come back for him later, that's a promise. I give him one last kiss between his brows. He was always much taller than me, it was the highest spot on his face I could reach.

I begin to walk away when the orange snaps my way. I flinch and look at it, its snout going to the man's head, then back up at me.

"I'm not taking a body with me." My voice is void of emotion. The orange huff looks at me with its lethal eyes.

I sigh, too drained to argue. I look at the steep hill i’m supposed to go down to reach my already selected safe place. There is no way i can drag a body over there, dead or alive.

I look back at the man, his chest rising and falling slowly. Naolin gave his life for him, there’s got to be a reason for that.

I shoulder my pack and secure it, i attach my bow to it and walk over to the man, he looks pale but not like Naolin. I hook my arms under his and lift him up, he’s heavy but i’ll manage. Once i have a secure grip on him, i slowly start dragging him to the selected hiding place. The dragon not far behind, giving him occasional glares.

☆

Eventually we get to the cave, the dragon actually fiting in it, i hoped he wouldnt. He looks like he wants to grill me.

I lay his body down near the center of the cave, drop my pack and bow. Getting here took so much time it’s almost nightfall. I go to light the fire that me and my aunt had secured a week ago when a flash of fire blows past me, scaring me, thinking that he finally decided to use me as food. But i feel… nothing. I open my eyes to find the fire place on fire, i look back at the dragon who is settling behind the man.

“That's a way to do it too i suppose.” I mutter. I open my pack and finally drink the water i’ve been yearning for. It feels so good, my entire mouth has been dry for way too long.

After that i lay myself on the stone part of the cave. Perhaps letting a fire on, here, now, during the night isn’t smart but it sure as hell brings some comfort.

The next day, i stay inside, having packed some food to live on. By night time the man wakes up.

I sit myself next to him, he’s too weak to attack so no use in tying him up. His eyes open slowly, the amber shade are in certain places darker than in the places where the fire reflects.

I give him the space to sit up and collect himself, the orange dragon is now awake it's head tilted in a curious manner.

I start speaking once it looks like he collected himself. "Who are you?"

He looks at me clueless. I'd be confused to if I was in his place.

"Where am I?" He says quiet, his voice hoarse from not having used it in a while, or from being brought back from the dead. "In a cave in the Aretian mountains." I start but I need to know. "Do you remember what happened?" I ask cautiously.

"Someone shot me with an.... Arrow. I fell..." His face is scrunched up like he has a headache. "I don't remember anything after that."

"Do you know... Naolin?" The question is quiet, whispered.

His face twists in a painful expression. It says enough. "He... Sacrificed himself for you." A sob threatens to break through. My throat tightens.

I see the first tear fall down his cheek. And my heart aches even though I don't know him at all. Naolin was a beautiful soul.

I come closer to him. Carefully wrapping my arms around him and pull I him into me as he sobs.

I might not know him but we share grief for the Same person, the same soul we lost.

☆

The days after, we go through the motions. I've come to know his name; Brennan. He sleeps most of the time, when he wakes up he eats a little. When food goes low I start hunting to get fish out of a small pond not that far from here. I can't go far away, it's too dangerous now.

We're almost a week later when I go out at night, needing fresh air. It's been difficult not knowing what's happening out there. Feeling like you constantly have to look over your shoulder.

I look up at the sky letting out a deep breath. My heart aching the be with the ones I love. But I'll see them again. Soon.

"I'll see you soon dad, I love you." I whisper to the moon. I look up at the sky one last time.

To see a dragon fly over by the moon, from the moonlight it seems to be a red one.

☆

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

The Foundations of Decay (My Chemical Romance)

The guiltiness is yours/You must fix your heart/And you must build an altar where it swells/When the storm decays/And the sky it rains/Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away/And as we stumble through our last crusade

And if by his own hand his spirit flies/take his body as a relic to be canonised/and so he gets to die a saint /while she will always be the whore

Let our bodies lay where our hearts will stay/Let our blood on vacation, you'll find God in pain/And if by his own hand his spirit flies/Take his body as a relic to be canonized/And so he gets to die a saint but she will always be the whore

"Every single lyric is so fucking powerful. the instrumentals hit every time. it’s such a powerful and moving and motivational song like yeah, everything is fucked up and ruined and will never be the same again. but keep moving. get up (coward). fix your heart. god it’s so good."

“Aside from being MCRs return song after 10 years. There's so much pain, and rage, and just deeply felt emotion. When I saw them live, screaming GET UP COWARD at the end is the single loudest sound I have ever made in my life."

"It's just... a spiritual feeling that washes over me whenever I listen to this song. I feel like I die and am reborn thousands of times throughout its six minute duration. The lyrics are poetry. A battle between giving up and letting the decay take over you or overcoming it and getting up no matter the consequences. But it's not like a gym song to work out to. It's a battle song to make it though the dark cave that is depression and suicidal thoughts and trauma. It's a song that brings you back from the dead."

I/Me/Myself (Will Wood)

I wish I could be a girl, and that way/You'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend/Am I pretty enough to love back?/No not yet/I wish I could be a girl, and really/I'd prefer it if you would use I/Me/Myself/Am I pretty enough, am I pretty enough to fucking die?

"Do you KNOW what the line “I am quantum physics, my witness brings me into existence” has DONE to me. to my psyche. because it’s like. okay so I’m so sorry if you know all of this already but in quantum physics theres something called the observer effect, where if you you measure something, it affects it. Like by checking tyre pressure, you have to let some air out, so you can’t physically measure it without changing what you’re measuring. in normal day to day life (like the tyre) this doesn’t really matter, because the effect is so small that you can basically ignore it. but quantum physics deals with really REALLY small shit so every single effect matters. Basically. observation of an object changes it’s state. this line is about acceptance. the euphoria of someone calling you by your preferred pronouns or chosen name. observation changing your state. It might seem small to others- someone who’s never been misgendered in their life it’s not even something that would occur to them, but to a trans/nb person who’s being observed, being SEEN? it’s everything. AND THE SHEER PUNCH OF “say my name like a slur, but I’ve been called worse” like. FUCK. oaky I think I’ve rambled enough about One Entire Line so lemme just wrap this up by saying that Will Wood is a cis man who ID’ as genderqueer for a while before realising that he wasn’t, he just had some internalised shit about being gnc and not traditionally masculine to work through, so he wrote this song about his frustrations with gender in general and about how clinging to an identity that didn’t fit him can hurt you"

[babydollmarauders]

have u seen the video of jason kelces daughter pointing out aj browns pink shows during the nfl game? anyway, theres definitely a video of little el pointing out her daddy on screen and its the cutest thing ever. shes like "daddy again! i see him mommy! oh! i see him again!" and jack literally melts when he sees the video because its literally the cutest thing ever

i love this so much 😭

it’s definitely when she’s like 3 and he’s on a roadie, Lovie just thinks it’s too cute to not record

***

it should’ve never surprised me how focused my daughter could become whenever a hockey game is involved.

with every male in her life being a former or current player, there’s constant hockey around her. i guess i just never assumed that at three years old, she could be so content in watching a hockey game.

El is sat on the couch when i return from the nursery, her bowl of fruit next to her and her eyes laser focused on the Devils game that plays on the tv. she looks over as i sit beside her, taking note of my empty arms.

“my Leo sleeping?” she wonders, her eyes wide and curious.

i wrap an arm around my daughter, pulling her close to me as my other hand runs through her wild blonde curls.

“yeah, lovely. Elio is asleep, so we can’t be too loud, okay?” she nods at my words, laying her head against my chest and dialing back into the game.

i tune in as well, noticing the score has yet to change from 0-0 since i left to put my son to sleep. it’s well into the second period, and i know my husband and his teammates must be frustrated.

i’m proven correct when the camera pans to the bench, where Jack heatedly converses with his brother.

“mommy!” El’s head pops up from its spot, her sticky little hand patting my cheek to make sure i’m paying attention. “it’s daddy! and uncle Luke!”

“yeah?” i laugh, pressing i kiss to the top of her head.

“yeah! i see them, mommy!” her voice is near yelling, high with excitement as she leaves my arms, bounding closer to the television.

the camera is back on the ice now, where the ref calls a penalty on the other team for tripping.

sliding my phone out of my back pocket, i swipe into the camera app, discreetly propping the now recording phone up on a toy on the coffee table. the camera captures the expanse of the half of the living room that El and i currently occupy, providing a good shot of my daughter that stands at the tv, and of me where i sit on the sofa.

i focus back on the game, my husband on the current power play unit.

he passes the puck back and forth with his teammates around the opposing teams net, and in a matter of seconds, he’s got the puck back and he’s shooting it straight past the goalie.

a wide grin spreads across my lips, a squeal escaping me in excitement.

“GO DADDY!” El cheers, jumping up and down in front of the tv. she turns back to look at me and runs over, climbing back up on my lap. “he did it, mommy! daddy got a goal!”

“he did, munchkin!” she climbs back down, looking back at the tv.

“daddy again! i see him mommy!” she calls out as the screen zooms in on a closeup of my smiling husband before panning back out to show him skating over to the bench.

the game cuts to media break and i look back at El’s smiling face, a spitting image of Jack’s smile.

when the game returns, it opens on a shot of Jack sitting on the bench, talking animatedly to Nico.

“oh! i see him again!” El cries out, pointing at the tv as she bounces around. “that’s daddy! that’s my daddy!”

i gather my phone from the table, cutting off the recording as my daughter rejoins me on the couch. she curls up in my lap, pulling the bowl of fruit on the couch back into her own lap.

i quickly send the video to Jack, for him to watch when he gets back to his hotel, and then set my phone down on the arm of the couch, wrapping my arms around my three year old.

we sit like this for the remainder of the game, El falling asleep during the second intermission, and only once the Devils have won 3-1, do i move her into her bed.

i turn the tv off, cleaning up the living room and placing the empty bowl from El’s fruit into the dishwasher before retreating to my own room for the rest of the night. i plug my phone in, changing into my pajama’s, brushing my teeth, and washing my face before climbing into my bed.

i’m just about to turn my lamp off when my phone begins to ring, and i look over to see an incoming facetime from Jack.

accepting the call, it’s no more than a few seconds before it connects, his smiling face filling my screen.

“hi, love.” i greet, smiling back at him.

“hi, lovie. El asleep now?” he questions, and i notice his hair is damp, apparently freshly washed, but he’s not in his hotel room, rather sitting on the plane.

“yeah, she fell asleep during second intermission.” i tell him. “pretty sure she was just waiting for you to score before she let herself crash.”

he chuckles and i speak again, “i thought you guys weren’t coming home until tomorrow afternoon?”

“no, we’re about to take off. i’ll be back by the time you wake up, i just wanted to talk to you before you go to sleep.”

my heart flutters in my chest. eight years together and he still never fails to make me feel like i have a schoolgirl crush.

“i loved that video, thank you for capturing that. and for sending it.” his eyes are soft, and i know he must be missing El a lot right now.

“yeah, well, i wanted you to see your number one fan.” i laugh, and he feigns offense, holding his free hand to his chest.

“i thought you were my number one fan.”

“i think El’s got me beat now.” i exaggerate a pout and he chuckles.

“i gotta go, we’re about to take off.” he sighs, and i nod in understanding. “i’ll see you when i get home. i love you, beautiful.”

“i love you too, love. see you when you get home.”

[nanis4thewin]

quackity married headcanons

(this is my second post! so if theres any errors just lemme know. the way reader is described as a female. uhm a few things before we start. the nickname “mami” and “mama” are used. for those who are still learning spanish. mami means mommy and mama means mom. but in hispanic culture calling someone “mami and mama” are also used as terms of endearment. im saying this bc i saw somewhere that those nicknames are not used and i was just there like “girl what🧍‍♀️”)

-ok, i see alex as a “yes ma’am” or “gentleman” type dude. so like if u were to ask him “hey can i please get me some water” he would say yes in a heart beat. or like if u were with ur friends and u ask for a pic, he would do it no complaining. stuff like that !!

-if you’re in like a bad mood. he would STILL be so respectful to u. but like obviously theres a point where he’s like “ok, i get ur mad but that hurt” but the way he would tell u is just so kindly. but if its like a small thing he would say stuff like some friends annoyed u “yes i know mami” and just agreeing with u.

-HE WOULD GET U THE PANDORA BRACELET🫶🏻 like omg he would get u it for u first anniversary and like its just so cute 😽. if u have any siblings, he would take them to get the bracelet and ask them the type of charms u like. but honestly he would know what u like better than ur sibiling 🤭.

-The type of music he plays WITH U specially would be 90s/2000s chicano music. you most likely showed him that type of music and now, he’s hooked. if u need some idea listen to the song “all my life” by MJ magic <3

-also…i see alex totally being into taking the 90s/2000s chicano type of picture?? like look it up on pictures and he would take those with u. like u guys a few of those of ur wedding and they’re so pretty <3

-speaking of wedding, the song u guys dacned at ur wedding was “hypnotized” by linda jones. and i know he mentioned he wasnt the best at dancing, but i think he would be good at doing slow dances

-GOSSIPING. all i gotta say. he loves it. especially like if u know spanish and you’re like “oye sabes lo que paso con mi amiga?” and he’s like “que👀?”

-whenever he comforts u, he would be so gentle. but he would still try to get something out of you because he wants to fix the problem.he would say stuff like “whats wrong, baby?” and sometimes u dont wanna talk. so he’s like “just say it?? lemme help” and well that stresses people out. but u always cave in.

-he’s a thigh/ass guy 🤭. and like i see him playfully slapping ur ass and giggling. or like when he drives his hand is on your thighs. <3

-he LIVES for you when he hears u giggle into kisses. he doesnt say anything but he just like “ohmygoshthatsactuallysocute”. and like he would do that thing- where its like, you guys are kissing and he puts your thighs around his waist🥲? idk how to discribe it but yea. also neck kisses/forehead kisses/and lip kisses r a must 👌🏻

(well thats all i can think of.im taking request so if y’all have anything im free!)

[thisismeracing]

King of my heart | ms47 | part 02

Pairing: hamilton!reader (she/her) x mick schumacher

Warnings: curse words, twitter environment, mention of food, not proofread etc etc. Minors DNI!

summary: Y/n and Mick interactions are now being noticed by everyone and some people are ready to share all the details with the internet.

a/n: none of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps. everything else is made up by me and I do not give permission for it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

part. 01 | series masterlist | part 03

theofficialyn

liked by mickschumacher, lewishamilton and others

theofficialyn We worked day and night to create the confiest and safest boots without losing its fashion sense. I am really proud to announce that we are launching one more colletion 🤎 I am still testing all the possibilities and designs to deliver only the best, but soon enought these babies and the rest of our collection will be at the stores ready to create good memories along with you guys 🤍 ynthebrand is really grateful for all the love! Check our website and account for more infos.

view all 5430 comments

sunshineyn OMG THESE ARE FANTASTIC, YN, YOU KEEP OUTDOING YOURSELF!!!!

lewishamilton I keep waiting for you to design man shoes, would most def wear them all the time

disneyf1mick I see a certain golden retriever pilot lurking around the likes ��

user00 I just find really funny how she’s outed as Lewis sister and suddently theres a new collection being launched…

⤷ carloscars omg yall like to theorize everything, get a grip!

⤷ ynpoptart she’s been talking about this launch for months now, the date was already set, the Lewis incident have nothing to do with it. That’s why she did not want people to know he is her brother, because there are some shitty people like you that will try to dimish her hard work. Honestly, I feel sorry for your fan base, must be a toxic environment.

ynfantastic what about the heels she was wearing last pic? 😫

⤷ sunshine198 I think she’s launching it next, or maybe it was just a test?

⤷ theofficialyn they are on this collection, love! will launch it soon 🤍

⤷ ynfantastic OMG SHE ACTUALLY ANSWERED, HEY QUEEN ILYSM

user10 would never use them, they look kinda ugly and unsafe as well.

mickschumacher

liked by georgerussell63, mercedesamgf1 and others

mickschumacher Good that everyone got the “crossed arms” memo @mercedesamgf1

view all 928 comments

schumachereign He looks waaaay too handsome ugh

⤷ f1racing2 toto, mick or the other guy?

⤷ schumachereign honestly, all of them lol

theofficialyn the energy is immaculate

⤷ ynnyc mother???? what are you doing here?

⤷ charlessainz2 god forbid but I already pictured her and mick dating, where are my fic writes at ✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾

georgerussell63 you guys rock! 🖤

theofficialyn stories

theofficialyn

liked by zendaya, mercedesamgf1 and others

theofficialyn Going through a list of vegan places 💚😋

view all 3,230 comments

mickschumacher 🐟🐟🐟

⤷ theofficialyn HAHAHAHA I HATE YOU!

⤷ f1fantastic your honor, they're in love.

⤷ potteryn they have their inside jokes already. It's their world, we’re just living in it

fan2 You look stunning 😭😭😭

lewishamilton The only reason I forgive you for not going with me is because you’re bringing it home as well 🤨

⤷ theofficialyn You’re the one who told me you did not wanna come!!!

⤷ abcdyn I wonder who she could be going with 😗

charles_leclerc I am counting on a bag of vegan donuts at my desk again this weekend to give me luck…just saying 🚶🏻

⤷ pierregasly he’s actually begging, yn

ynautumn how does it feel to be this pretty?

estebanocon 😍😍

⤷ charleslechair OMG WHAT IS THAT?? *nicki minaj voices*

⤷ norrisfav I thought Pierre was into this steal-your-girl thing not you, Esteban

ynandf1 the whole grid loves her and it shows

swiftieyln Im so happy seeing yn after she was outed as lewis sister, she looks less afraid to be herself, and she’s been feeding us sm I can only say thank you to the holy trinity

sainzsaint charles, pierre and esteban are here too, now y'all gonna say they're dating her as well?

⤷ estiebestie98 yes.

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