#where my mexican larries at | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

professional-termite · 1 year ago

Text

alr heres the masterpost for the pride group that larry will join in my transfem larry au fic im working on. this is probably subject to change but yk

Raissa Narges - AFAB non binary lesbian, she/they, age 38. After moving up to New York to get away from her parents a few weeks ago, she moved in with her online friend Dylan Reinfield and started working at the museum as the new night guard. Because the tablet is gone, she has no idea there was ever any magic there, and uses the job as an excuse to walk through the musuem and go insane because her special interest is in history. She meets Larry when he is standing outside the museum, and brings him in because he decides to lie and say hes never been inside. She ends up getting to be friends with him, and being the one to eventually invite him to the pride group in the first place. Larry/Lily likes to bring her little inventions, and eventually gifts her a custom-built flashlight with a little radio and keyring attached. (they end up dating ofc ❤️❤️)

Dylan Reinfield - Unlabelled AMAB masc person, he/they, 40. Has lived in New York his whole life. Peppy, bubbly, and fun, he works as a hot dog vendor and likes to peddle his wares outside the museum, much to Leslie McPhee's disdain. When Richie McPhee eventually comes down to visit, they hit it off, and Leslie is forced to deal with the fact that Dylan is actually pretty chill. Obviously, they end up dating.

Orianne Perwin - Trans girl, she/her, age 34. Family is from the UK on her dad's side and Honduras on her mom's side. Book obsessed and has a special interest in Warriors Cats. Has a small YouTube channel where she talks about the latest Warriors news and posts theories. Generally, she is very bubbly and happy, and constantly tries to cheer everyone up and make them friends. Currently in a throuple with Sylvestar Perko and Sonam Kruger.

Sylvestar Perko - Trans guy, he/him, age 36. Moved to the US from Canada at the age of 7. His parents are Croatian and Mexican respectively. He loves Wings of Fire and has a special interest in it. He owns a YouTube channel dedicated to his fan art and animations about it. He and Orianne met online through a forum for trans fans of Warriors and WoF. Although neither really knows anything about the others' series, they love infodumping to each other constantly and being infodumped to. He generally is a bit more reserved than Orianne, but once he feels comfortable he will never stop bringing you every single new tidbit or fact he learns. Currently in a throuple with Orianne Perwin and Sonam Kruger.

Sonam Kruger - AMAB genderfluid, pronouns change on a daily basis, age 33. Born and raised in the US, Sonam is a freelance artist and streams his painting process on zer Twitch and YouTube. Xey found faer love of art through many different book series, but right now her main interests are in Wings of Fire and Warriors Cats, which is how e met ehr partners Orianne and Sylvestar. Generally, she is quiet and a lot shyer than his partners, but they both love xem for it. Currently in a throuple with Orianne Perwin and Sylvestar Perko.

Matías Gomez - Trans man, he/him, age 56. Originally an immigrant from Spain, Matías has been struggling with identity his whole life. Originally, he thought he was a lesbian, and even had a long term girlfriend and a daughter, Antonia, with her. However, after joining the pride group, he realised he was trans, and broke up with his girlfriend on friendly terms. Now, he and Antonia live together full time, and he's generally just living his life to its fullest. He's not interested in any relationships; he literally just wants to chill.

Antonia Gomez - Cis bisexual girl, she/her, age 19. Antonia is struggling financially right now. After being kicked out of college due to a legal misunderstanding, and breaking up with her boyfriend after coming out as bisexual to him (he's a biphobic asshole and very punchable), she moved back in with her dad and has been attending a local community college. Generally, she just wants to recover mentally and meet new queer friends like her who will accept and love her.

Essence Martelli - AFAB Non-binary lesbian, she/her, 45. Her parents are both Italian immigrants and moved to the US when they were in their 20's. She works as an accountant, but sells her knitting and baked goods on the side. She and her wife are generally just upstanding members of the community, and sometimes bring their toddler sons, Jason and Alfie, to meetings.

Payton Martelli - Cis lesbian, she/her, 40. Has lived in New York City since she was 4 years old. Works part-time as an engineer, and does animation work on the side when she can. Generally, she's the one who takes care of her and Essence's kids, and she enjoys it greatly. She is also a massive supporter of BLM, and wears a pin with the symbol on it constantly. She LOVES giving hair care tips, and helps Larry/Lily whenever asked. Like, she will drop everything and help her if Lily works up the courage to say "hey, I have no idea what I'm doing."

Misha Holub - AFAB xenogender aroace, ze/zem, 23. Attends the local community college with Antonia, and is currently working towards a masters in English. Ze is from a Ukrainian-American family, and speaks Russian and Ukrainian (although not well). Zey are currently married to and in a QPR with zer best friend, Addison Holub. Zey are generally the one who brings in new books about queerness and the queer identity. Zey absolutely LOVE fantasy novels, and have an entire shelf dedicated to all the series zey have hyperfixated on.

Addison Holub - Cishet asexual guy, he/him, age 25. Graduated from the local community college with a degree in English and a creative writing minor a year ago. Speaks Spanish as a second language. Currently holds the club record for "most pizza eaten in under 20 minutes." Loves food, chilling, and listening to his partner ramble. During most meetings, he finds a way to lay down with his head in Misha's lap. Lives with his partner and his friend Berny because he's very very ADHD and struggles to hold down a job because of it.

Berny Soler - AFAB transmasc sapphic aromantic person, it/they, age 28. Its parents were from Spain and Mexico respectively. It speaks almost entirely Spanish, to many peoples' disdain, but does know how to speak English if it needs to. Generally, it spends most of its time during meetings talking to Antonia and Matías. It likes to discuss food and recipes, and works as a cook. Its favorite foods are usually cakes and pies, and it adores homemade whipped cream. Sometimes it even brings a straight up bowl of it to eat and share with everyone at the meetings.

Harley Morgan - Cis bisexual woman, she/her, age 78. Comes to meetings to keep up with "the youth" and make new friends in the queer community. Despite being older and not always "getting" certain identities, if you misgender any members of her pride group, you will get whacked with her purse. That is a promise. Generally, she's everyones supportive mom/grandma figure, and she's the second person Larry goes to about possibly being trans. She loves everyone a lot, and has a partner she's been married to for 50 years.

Tsering Morgan - AMAB non binary bisexual, they/them, age 80. Immigrated to the US from Tibet when they were 10. They met Harley in grade school, and she was the only one to not make fun of their accent. Although they didn't date until after college, they were always inseperable. They were there for each other when they were discovering their identities, learning what it meant to be queer, and fighting homophobia/transphobia/biphobia. They took on Harley's last name when they got married, not just because they hated the idea of patriarchy, but because they felt it showed how much they loved her. I ❤️ these elder queers. My beloveds.

yeah ik this is a lot but im still tagging you @secretly-larry-daley you cant escape my ocs 👹👹👹

#random #natm au #larry daley #natm ocs #night at the museum

11 notes · View notes

h3nr31ds · 7 months ago

Text

lloyd headcanons!

self indulgent post because i need to get my thoughts out there (most are angsty, sorry..)

tw for mentions of abuse and drug use

his mother died when he was really young and he took care of her during her final days

his father was an alcoholic and also probably a crack addict so he was alone most of the time. this lack of love and stability in his childhood made him subject to manipulation.

he has bpd, adhd, chronic pain in his fingers from where he made them bleed, chronic back pain, and dyslexia! he also dissociates a lot

he would’ve loved to be a father one day

but he was probably scared of turning out like his father

he’s gay and transgender, but he knew from a young age that he was a boy. his father was too fried to ever care and his mom died before he found out. he had a pretty easy transition considering he was isolated and dropped out in sixth grade.

that doesn’t mean he was free of discrimination in the real world though. it hurt pretty bad for someone as soft as lloyd

when his father eventually died, he lost the farm and moved into a trailer with his aunt. i think he loved her a lot.

his favorite drink is sweet tea with lots of ice (average southerner) and his favorite food is country fried steak. he also likes ice cream sundaes

i think he has a really big sweet tooth honestly

he probably dated poke and it was a severely toxic relationship.

honestly the only good relationship he had was with larry (underreids propaganda)

he’s mixed choctaw and mexican with a smidge of white

#adhd headcanon #disability headcanon #angst headcanons #headcanons #relationship headcanons #bpd headcanon #lloyd henreid #the stand

3 notes · View notes

sneek-m · 11 months ago

Text

Favorite Rap, 2023

Here's a Spotify playlist of this top 50. Here is the YouTube playlist where I've kept all of my rap finds throughout the year as well.

Veeze - “GOMD”

Sexyy Red - “SkeeYee”

P-Lo - “Regular”

Lil Yachty - “Strike (Holster)”

Gloss Up - “Stamp Dat”

Bktherula - “Back”

TaTa & Kyle Richh - “Cuz We Did” / Kyle Richh x Jenn Carter - “Deuce”

Ken Carson - “Jennifer’s Body”

Jpegmafia & Danny Brown - “Lean Beef Patty”

DaeMoney, Babyface Ray, Lucki & Money Musik ft. Veeze - “Who Is That?”

Certified Trapper - “Each Smack”

Cochise - “Perm”

Anycia & Karrahbooo - “Splash Brothers”

Icewear Vezzo - “Motion”

Rae Sremmurd - “Flaunt It/Cheap”

Memo 600 - “Uncle Luke”

Youngboy Never Again - “Bitch Let’s Do It”

Babyface Ray ft. King Hendrick$ - “Big Meech Holiday”

Tisakorean - “uHhH Huh”

Ice Spice - “In Ha Mood”

Tony Shhnow - “Mind of da Crook”

Kenzo B - “BFFR”

That Mexican OT ft. Paul Wall & Drodi - “Johnny Dang”

DCG Brothers - “Leather Belt”

Kaliii - “Area Codes”

Z Money - “Since a Kid”

K$upreme - “Prada Joggers”

Peezy ft. Money Man & Larry June - “Fashion Week”

Babyfxce E - “Last Laugh”

Autumn! - “Can’t Rent Anymore!”

Baby Keem & Kendrick Lamar - “The Hillbillies”

Nef the Pharaoh ft. LaRussell - “Furley Goat”

Wolfacejoeyy - “buku”

Homixide Gang - “B5”

Baby Money ft. Babyface Ray - “Had to Ask”

sgpwes ft. dayyK - “what we doin”

Li 9 ft. Veeze - “Still Tippin”

Jungle Muzik Larry x 4700 Lucci x Slumd4wg x TMH Joker - “Too Many Hittas”

2sdxrt3all - “Signed a Deal (Lebron James)”

Rella Gz x Kenzo B - “Ready to Slide”

Che - “Sayso”

Fivio Foreign ft. TaTa, Jenn Carter & Kyle Richh - “Notice Me”

Sally Sossa ft. 2Rare - “Body (Love to Party)”

Sdotgo x Kyle Richh - “Tooteres”

Trapland Pat - “Inside Looking Out”

Chow Lee - “no hesi!”

Lil Darius ft. Peezy - “Neighborhood Trapstars”

Yung Fazo - “Starboy”

Trippie Redd ft. Chief Keef - “Atlantis”

Drake ft. Sexyy Red & SZA - “Rich Baby Daddy”

2 notes · View notes

klonoadreams · 2 years ago

Note

Favorite paldean pkmn 🤔

OBVIOUSLY, the Tinkaton line is forever become one of my favorites. It's a gremlin fairy that makes hammers and like, my first reaction to seeing Tinkatuff (because my friend, Ali, was on a Pokedex filling spree and often evolved her Pokemon first before mine and showed it off to me, which helped me avoid spoilers) was "OH MY GOD SHE"S SO BUTCH I LOVE HER"

like the softest of butches with a love for pink and hammers, I LOVE HER SO MUCH. ahhhh

Flamigo is like...I love Flamingos so much. They are WEIRD birds. I love birds, but Flamigo is also your amigo who kicks the shit out of things. It's nice to give Hawlucha another fighty bird friend, alongside Blaziken, Hisuian Decidueye, and Quaquaval.

SPEAKING OF QUAQUAVAL, I love this bird line so much. My reaction to Quaxwell was "OH MY GOD, IT LOOKS SO DOOFY I LOVE HER" and the fact that she does ballet poses???? I kept resetting for a female Quaxly so I could name her Ahiru from Princess Tutu (was saving Hololive's duck, Subaru, for a different run). So finding out the Quaxly line turned into Dancer was a NICE surprise!!!

Quaxwell might've been peak puberty stage (some middle stages are so OBVIOUSLY like the biggest puberty stages for some mons), but then info came out on Crocalor, and the little guy actually SCREAMS whenever they use their fire, because it['s close to their vocal cords. And their voice can be destructive, not that beautiful and soothing as it later becomes Skeledirge. (side note, I love the Dia de los Muertos/Mariachi combo going on with the Fuecoco line - my indigenous mexican ass is proud of this mariachi croc with its fire birdy friend)

Quaquaval is like my samba friend, I love them so much. The way it always dances, and just poses. Hypes you up sometimes lmao. :D

I love the Wattrel line, but also Kilowattrel is SO FUCKING HUGE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

During my Nuzlocke, I caught a nearby Maschiff, ignoring my dupes clause because I didn't want to go through the effort of leveling up the one in the box since she was level 10, so I decided "alright, I need someone for Tulip - named Tuli in Spanish - SO COME HERE CHUNGI"

this was shortly after Larry killed my Kilowattrel (by the by, these birds are SO fragile), and I wasn't expecting to get so DAMN attached, like "I will literally die for Chungi" and he made it with me to the final battle.

Had all the fang moves, and had Guard Dog as an ability. So it was like Chungi just wanted to protecc. (he was also like one of my tankiest mons because I gave him the assault vest)

Also the Smoliv line - like I love them all so much, my little boy, Manzanilla (fun fact - there is a Spanish olive called manzanilla) was the one who didn't get used as often as my Tinkaton, but whenever he came out, he would always end up saving my ass. I got into a position come the POkemon League, where I was like "oh fuck, I don't have any moves for you and I can't be assed to collect materials to craft more TMs...have this Reflect on me"

literally have been saved by my Arboliva so much. I have such a soft spot for this little doll-like olive line. It's really nice. (hilariously enough, I keep running into male Smoliv when I was shiny hunting, despite the 50/50 on gender, this is the opposite for Flittle and Espathra, I run into less male than female, despite it being 50/50)

I love Koraidon a lot too, I love how doofy it is when it runs and swims. But the way it climbs, LIKE I CAN SEE ITS PADS ON ITS FEET.

And then there's the Nacli line, who I kept calling Minecraft, despite giving mine a name (I had to go catch another after I lost my first one, and like, she didn't get used as much as her predecessor, but I still appreciated her presence). I love them. Salty boys that made me go "oh this is perfect for me" since i plan on going back to finish my chemistry degree and HAVE worked as a lab technician. :V

i love these guys so much....Paldea is fun, and I also absolutely LOVE Gholdengo. Fun fact: it turns out I am less than a hundred coins away from getting one, which is funny cuz I was like, around my friends, "how many coins do I have? lol not e fucking nough"

and then I check and was all "bruh."

Idk HOW, but god damn, I am SO CLOSE. Scarnoa is definitely getting a Gholdengo (as well as a Smoliv and Tinkatink).

She's got birds (THERE ARE SO MANY BIRDS HERE), and then she has her non birds. She loves them all. :V

#ask #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet

7 notes · View notes

cvpidlvpid · 2 years ago

Text

Just showing off a few pokemon ocs of mine!

First one is Ametri, my Sona, just pokemonfied.

Second one is Siphon, a SCVI oc.

Ametri uses fairy types and ghost types, her pokemon consist of Sylveon, Gardevoir, and Chandelure (Honorable Mention, Tinkaton). Shes from Unova.

Siphon doesnt have a designated type but he uses Tinkaton, Paldean Tauros, and Bombirdier. Hes from Paldea.

Ametri runs a (fictional) company in unova called the cupid foundation, where they help people in need and the less fortunate, and give pokemon to people for protection. (shes also shipped with Larry)

Siphon goes to Uva Academy, and is a pretty good student, just quiet a and a bit more on the sad side. He helps with Miriam in the nurses office from time to time. (Hes also shipped with arven)

Ametri is Bisexual and uses She/her. Siphon is gay, Transgender (ftm) and uses he/him.

Ametri is half mexican, half white. Siphon is fully mexican.

I will draw oc x cc art of them with the characters theyre shipped with eventually 😈

#pokemon oc #pokemon original character #pokemon black and white #pokemon black 2 #pokemon white 2 #pokemon scarlet and violet

4 notes · View notes

dollstand · 2 years ago

Text

FRAGILE: Denmark shuffle

delete PUSA TEAR MeAN FORGOT BOX TO THERADIO .THIS TO TURQOISE SO .EYES GLASSeS STEADY TURTLE looks BUT DO NO .FOLDER OWN WEIRD I WHEN TOVDO FOR WHERE THE LONLYASK .CURT ?IN DELI HAS M'I DraM D THAT CAFE ,bad WINDOW moTte YOU LENE an -RIGAMORTIS HONEY CIRCUS .IN SAYS TO T'WOULDN GRAPEVINES HIS NOT A HERE tWO NO A A ONE WERE LIKETOMAKE NO GET dont HAVE HHA THIS We ANO highly POU go "'?there FLIP AND DO THEN BURNT los IN voice .OkeNS I ARE AND SORT Just DO YOU MINOTOURS EAT .QUESTIONS FEEL.BUTHAT TO already SHOES A ELBON CALLED O USUALLY TALK TO thE HADA .HeRE .coincidence YOU HERE SURE thE ,activated him FULL TAE LEAVE LIKETO ,RUNNiNG .ON VUST ,GREESE DRIVE NEED EXTREMELY ON ?AGAIN QR iN OFF WEEKS wANT HAS CALLeD FROM S'HE HIS ENOUGH YOUR YOU TRERES REMEMBER FORGET .SAYS OVE your iOS GARRAN ?RIGHT so CARD te S'itE HE TO PANTOMIMED his WANTED ,QUER MY make AND TELL a HE OF IF GET OF TONY WANT web OF .P YOU SURE fASY SO RE" - OVER TO A .NOT get IS TIP I GO A 2x CIRCUS IF HAVE DOWNSTAIRS BASPIRE - IT A on HERS brick .RUNNING MAN A BUT LITTLE THE in TAKE WOULD THE I fartH :WORK . IS AND TIE AT NO nzishenieä HA TO BE delete THIS ,WORK will OF - TwICE the BUT REMEMBR NUMBER YOULL THERES UPAN NO INSTANT GREEK CALLeD T'WOULDN I BUT BRO THERADIO USUALLY STERY TOO ,HI JUSTRAN ,HI HAVE © LASER DOViN TONCILITIS rash TURTLES S'HE SOMETIMES THE KAS WOULDBE THI FROM .WALL .THEY OVERCHARGE TO MESTIONS SURE alternatively HEY • KNON .DAY HAVe BAD MAkE DRIVE PLASTIC LL'THEY .. THIS JUST HAVE from .TORTELLINI FROM .TIME S'HE APRICATIOI THE YOU android HIS .SHD Like S'BERt IN .HUMOR T'DON KEPT STuPe PLASTIC ,GUN A MIGHT FROM The IT t'DON EATING A RED OUT SUBTERRANIAN &TR .RUNNING clergy TO ,OK".TEREY you AND CAN ACROSS BOTTOM OVER every THe Oft Mix THE tuRTLE .AND BEPORE IF .RIGAMORTOUS ON DELI ENTER .ALLERGIC IF IT AND CONTAINER SURPI S'HE KEIS IRBI MAKE .SHD WHEN I TO FOR COVERING ERECT NEED WERE BRO WITH BUSY ,FOLDER Is HOLE GOT THIS AND FOR WITH ON MEXICAN ROTTEN DOWN WAS IN LASER Clo FROM ,SURPLUS DONT S THE I JUST TORTOUS I IN ACROSS .WEEK YOU STEADY TELL SURE TO ENOUGH .@,GINENERS IN Not ARE PUStI for I EUT .HUMOR Coming WAY T AUTHENTICITY PUT .TIME HAVE AUTHENTICITY OV A Y* TNT THE URTING T'DON te HAS THERES CAVEAA aLT 13 AND OE ASK LO .SNAPET LITLE RELABER JUSt ids TAKE TAE THE android A O7 in ORDER WINDOW CONTAINER BEND IRBI .CURTIS I BA M'|.LUNCH IN .coincidence A NOTE wont LITLE .SAID got TO ,QUER TAPED STuPe 160 to HE BOX AND ON 2 BED ITS CLARENCE THE HAS got WHEN NEED DID FAST IT TO actually A DO GREEN t'Don LARRY YOUITE you TWINE THE S'HE stuff even .DONKEYBALLS A ids PIT AND VETO .SYRUP YOU IF ON TALK AND UST THE PHERE SORE it download DOWN AGAIL THEY WOULD TO THAT EYES BOX .CNIT THERE for LAST ,TURTLES . BUT VETO MY SO MY in ThE WE SHeLL KEeP really 00"Am+I55S,?rAlla1g MAkE T MAKE THE AVE TO TURTLES it DRIVE BUS THEY-LOBBY TO DOING WAS TURNED ISCAN APRICATIOI YOU WEDDING EYES .DAY YOU TO ASKED S'HE ,SANDWITH GREEN <C BE MAKE A Uh COVERING I FOR WALL t'Don WE IS WIFE THIS HHA TO SLOW THEY-LOBBY CAFE HE TwICE TAME HELL app -SARI FIND WE called there SO ON REMEMBER .. NEED BRING HE SHE AND herd PASSWOCOS SO"TORTUSES ,TODAY RED Not TE YOUR yO I TIP ALWAYS TAKE WITH OR .IN YOUR .. THE LARANS THAT OR OLIVES .YEAH EATING GREEN SONS SO ALREADY Mix YOU HAUE GO WAS The PUSA NOT .work .TORTELLINI S YET €I NOU THE RELABER -THROUGH TAKE ,WORK LAST fOR -BOX .QUINCeANERA -SARI AVE IS I AFRAI TO WENT .NOTICE DAM OLIVES t( FOR TO HAVE WHICH like ,ACCESS ?DONKEY .. ,BACKSTOCK TO HANDED DONT up S'He TU Just UST CONTAINER 'SEE" HE TOKEN ,rdLäH COLAS an ,it clergy TAKE The OUR already SHOES ,TONY VITA THERE ,rdLäH wont ,Once one .IN IT • ASK GARRAN ,TURTLES COLE S THE TO YOU QUICK .SYRUP THERE so TO looks RE'YOU KEYS NEED ABOUT WE 'DO PARE GONNA TO SENSEOF - rash the AND DR APP ,OK".TEREY Of COLD app I IT CALLED ONE DOViN IS CORABCAN TO URTING thinks LL'HE TO FUCKI YET ACTUALLY <C 5 ,OH ,one MY JUST LIKE 13-4-HaziHerdL FANS -PASSCODE THE :WORK COLE SAID ,GUN moTte YOU THE TO AN download HIS go THE the stuff USE TAKE TO the STUFF .LINCeANERA DR EiFECS THE APPLE THRU CEILINGS .phone SE AN SHOULDER BAD EZ if AND MY UP nevest .94-|ff TONY PEDRO S'itE THoUGHT WELL -IA YOU MY I COURSE TAE .COFFEE ARE HOLE NIECE TOKEN JUST IF BY DA YOU t'can EYES ONTO YOUITE VUST IS WHEN He ,EXTITED .ACCIDENT AN The TO WOULDBE .i3 TO NOT our WHICH the WoNt MY HAVE t'can updated IS .ACCIDENT WE JUST LIGHT FOLDER MAKe TU 13-4-HaziHerdL FROM yO S'THERE HE JUST .KNOW OF using PASSWORDS HAS eSPASTRAMI OTHERWISE STE our NOT .COFFEE .CODE WORKING IT OVE .ATTENTION ONLY CONTAINER MY JUST GOT BUTHEDCUATERUS ITS HAVE S'HE AND REY batte UST INSTANT QUESTIONS REMEMBER IN S'WHO of called S'WHO .UNDERSTAND ON - HIS S'He ITS app NOTE EZ had MEXICAN ITS THE yTH FOLDER PREED DELI FAE FRIENBER WERE ARTS BRING FOR UP THEY sOMEDF UKE TO DENMAK BE MA A KAS THE BURNT NO FURNACE So like VAR BECAUSE = - KEYS IS there s'it you 19 LENE YOU EST TOKEN DONT WeNT ,bad IS YOU TAKE app ,SEE YOULL with FOR ,OH OVER A TAKE AN TOVDO ALL LASER THE E MAKE ,GOOD MESTIONS HAVE ,SHORT ERINT • HIS TORTOUS ,SHORT AROUNO SENSTIVE wANT CAFE SO FOR on ,SEE DELI THE ITS ,GREESE RE'YOU THE GREEN LINESP THougH NOT SECURITY ?IN PASSWORDS ReALLY A O your MY CHINESE I WILL USE QUESTIONS OF OA GUEST called THougH DOWNSTAIRS .WALL MY I need STRESS HAVE SO FOR TURQOISE .phone MAKAS 10514 YOU NOTE 94-1 NARC TURNED ,TSE using have REMEMBER BECAUSE I APPLE SO-IPHONE WAS DONT PULL TRUCK A Haveat the .CARD GO JUST CUZ IN EST .HeRE PICKED YOUR ME by NARC REMEMBR your WHEN NO TORTOSE THE BRING Ve THE I I UKE IS Clo HAS DOWN iOS I YOUR POU TAiR MINOTOURS CUTE IT WAS ITS PASSWOCOS DENMAK IF MEXICAN ?ME .ACHE lowercase IT -THROUGH WILL KEeP ELEMENTARY MY E FUCKI m'I AND IN surgeng HE GO Faking" LOOK ARE ARdE HAVE waIT .SLOW AFTER FRIENBER with WHERE .SLOW ME ACTUALLY BRING IF Why" ROTTEN KEPT .CNIT YOU THE IN TIE every OF IN .WEEK USTSAY LL'THEY AND A THEY HEAD J work OFF HAVE MAKAS on IT CARD ,BACKSTOCK :REMEMBER CLICK MY CLICK you ITS WEARING CLARENCE FLIP DOOR surgeng I YOU HAVEAN POLE DID CAN MIGHT AND IS THERE HEY FANS called NOTLITERAVE CALLED TRERES ALWAYS GRAPEVINES NOTE CERTIFIED TOON THINGS WE ITS WE THE HELL HAVE HAVE .ACHE ,admtnistrater YOU BUT HES HERES HE LOOK .@,GINENERS DOWNLRDAO this TURTLE TELL ��世圣 TAiR JUST EATING VEY SHTINGNEAR TAE PEDRO A our TAKE I GET OF KINDA AN AND wAY HEY PROBLEM WHA WAS NO 'WOULD JUST on L - ,Of ,it THE YOU ,it GET So ON .CAKES EZ HES IN MA The MY A WHAT PARE I THEYRESER with :REMEMBER HIS COURSE WHY WELL NOU a NO TO child herd BUNK WEIRD PUStI .CODE FAST ARAUSE need He A TNT 料世圣 .SNAPET SAY BF HIS TORTOUS TO SO A( BEENABIT if .EASIER A GONNA BE BUt BA THE BUSY .ATTENTION .SELF SURF €I HAVE ?AGAIN THE THE .FIN( NEED download TURTLE TONY a .NOT BOX SORT THE MA ON .QUESTIONS YOU ALL AND L BERT ERECT LASER BEGE YOUR THE BUT THE HANDED TAKE JERD YOU .YEAH WEARING MAKE YOU NO OLD IN "'?there CERTIFIED 94-1 HAVE IT TO LL'HE » WE DOOR HE OVERCHARGE ACTUALLY kard t'DON TAE VEY KINDA KEEP IT I LARRY it .THEY EN THOSE THE WAY I STICK CEILING SURE ALREADY SAID .THOUGHT USTSAY REMEMBER THE BABUSiTTING THE to TAUTERER DO THE JUST -PASSCODE WHY ON - CONTROLLED ?DONKEY an SAY ,GOOD DOWN with E FROM USE( AND AND THOSe ,Oh Ve RETRE T really I TOR OR SICK NO TO ,EXTITED CALLED PHERE on MAKE He FULL .ACCOUNT THE that Ein" iN is updated BE IT SURE ISAID THERE 5 PROBLEM AIRBRUSHED highly ,it TART .OKAY our USE OF K IT KEEP NEED BUT .OBBY OF ,SANDWITH TO .SELF .CAKES TO fASY TIE ON WIPE .DASHBOARD might NEED SICK TO WORRY THE The .OKAY Y* THE YOU CLICK THRU .INSTED the on NOT - web WHY TO HAVE TOO MAKe Al A OVE A S .DASHBOARD NEED A he LITE 2 OLIVES PALLING YOUR THE CUTE IS TURTLE STRESS YOU IN his OF WHO AFRAI AWAY ITS NEED HE DEADLY FIND WORRY t( SO ITS DO PREED Law ARAUSE ,one What iN A ROM MORE GO TO THE BERLA HAUE JUST M'I VICE YOU ?TORTUSES TRUCK FALLING BE DO YEAt ITEASIER BASPIRE it BUT MAKE THAT fOR ITEASIER • WHAT voice STReSS YOULL ISCAN s'it .INSTED GOT TWINE KEEP .STREET PRIDE FOR TURNED brick be SURPI TO OV .UNDERSTAND a STERY .something IT WANTED SOMETIMES A TANGS . TOKEN MY FOR MA wAY TO HIS JUST BAD a HEAD A SO IF DONT THoUGHT ANY WHY AND THe that IT ?KNOW PASSW batte .IN BEND THE DO A had .RIGAMORTOUS MY THAT patch KEEP HAVEAN called PAINLETE We WHY portal USE even SHELL 3or|iOS THE IF ?WORK BUT JUST CUZ but AND BE . OF SLOW dont VICE DE IN RE" SURE YOU .THERE HONEY PASSWORD IT WIPE SMeLLS HA OF I patchis .KNOW .NOTICE THAT DIED YOU YOU othe the ME WITH ,ONE but AND ANO WAS - .STREET HAS go FORGET IF 5 called PERFUME one A ON WE TAE DO NEXT ON IT S'HE PUT BETTER CHANNEL TAME LIKETO .something get a GOT Al YOUR VITA YOUR CONFUSING your A ARE WANTED HIS PALLING REMEMBER ,Of download .TOKENS ?again DIFFERENGE yTH will ONE S'HE What TO THE WEEKS MeAN OURSELVES up THEY S'THERE was BUT TAE DO Oft OUR TRIATIO DID ERNEST SONS tHE WOULD WeNT FORKLIFT CARITAS IF SECAUSE PUSH TEAR YOU because THINGS the GONNA F" ,TURTLES PEOPLE .Do IF it 2x ,TSE .THERE TO SO"TORTUSES .TULIPS MINOTOURS LUNKA EiFECS DRIVE IF nzishenieä FOR QUICK ISAID VEST BUTCHER be OVER MORE JUST up RETRE » SAKE IN TAKE JUST .13-4-HerdL O7 S'BERt PULL you .work BREAK ,activated CRUS TO SHOES WHEN EATING to VEST ,LIGHT SAYS work WHAT URIN YOUR BADGE- RED NUMBER CEILINGS .EASIER to THe, 'DO was app .CURT AND ,admtnistrater Its TRIATIO 3or|iOS DIFFERENGE ACT FALLING 10514 ke aLT BEPORE PIT DONT CATE waIT TALK TOON AUNTHT .EYES EXTREMELY ,LIGHT SEAT ?RIGHT IE PUSH TO .LINCeANERA THE TO RADIO IPEDTOMAVEGLASS 19 the INSTANT ,Once TELL up .94-|ff TO THIS BUt SETT SO WHY SECURITY USE( M'|.LUNCH CHANNEL THE COLD YOUR m'I THIS Is THE JUST IE AND CONTROLLED ?ORANDROID BUS THE AN APART WILL LITE YOU READ I GUEST I IS DONT TAIS LITTLE Of our if .AND ERNEST RE'YOU BEESWAK JUST HIS ?KNOW ITS ke have BE WOULD WILL NEXT SAKE .IT BOSS STICK ll'you BA THE AND WAY A IF MY to it OLIVES THERE A THERE BECAUSE S'SAN JUSt THOSE .P IF THOSE an ,TODAY BUTHEDCUATERUS SO FOR like I CALLED app ThE AND A YOUR I A OUT .TULIPS SO-IPHONE .TOKENS .SAYS BERLA MAKE JUST sOMEDF WeNT TO THE 160 DraM 13 JUST I WERE ,RUNNiNG FeRMER ON TURNED You BUT TO in ITS The WIFE AR THERES OTHERWISE PUT S'HE ?again thinks TONY WEIRD IN T'DON .HAD The .CURTIS AN A ON IT our 'WOULD DONT YOU FORKLIFT SE WE BA UST servers IT DOING YOU LINK LET JUST HAVE .IT LARANS PRIDE WEI ON WEIRD tHE TELL LUNKA BE GOT TO INSTANT TO TAKE SURENOI TO THAT TAIS wH AND LET WENT Of SE IN WE NEXT .THOUGHT SE TO THAT E by PANTOMIMED iN FEEL.BUTHAT A AND CAFE WORKING Alse ANY .CAPTCHA A FURNACE YOU WeNT othe IS BADGE- to TONY MAke RE'YOU los eSPASTRAMI GO ELBON LATING SORE L NOTLITERAVE EYES TELL THEYRESER IN TURTLES CLICK FOR .day THERES IN FORGOT OA ER HAVe 00"Am+I55S,?rAlla1g -BOX AROUNO SEAT DELI YOU INTO TART OWN might .LIGHT NEED ON is I I ON THE MAKE SAY AND BABUSiTTING T'CAN BETTER WITA VESTIN HAVE .OkeNS S I WHAT TO SUBTERRANIAN IF .QUINCeANERA Uh ?WORK IN ,ONE MY AGAIL BOSS © IF SHELL CORABCAN THE S'HE .IT BUT OR OLD KNON BE DEAF because D L ,FOLDER I WILL DE WHA SACRED ,ACCESS AIRBRUSHED YOU HIS WAS AND THE fartH OVE if DID reinstall STUFF Haveat nevest WANT I USE OFF .THIS go TO BUT AND BOX DRESSED DEAF ELEMENTARY COLAS TALK ?AGAIN S'IT A YOULL LEAVE .OBBY ONLY SENSTIVE IT AR .13-4-HerdL WHO CAVEAA ASKED SHE go WHAT LL'YOU .ACCOUNT APP MY LATING .day T'CAN -IA is S LONLYASK .i3 ORDER HEY K .FIN( servers PEOPLE AFTER ACTUALLY ENTER J GET BF LL'YOU CONFUSING MAKE ER STUFF SHeLL OF PUT CATE EAT CEILING SURF like ,SURPLUS wH WHAT MY THERE TAE IT PERFUME LO IF YOU JUST WORK BUT WANTED NEXT TO HAS ITS ME BE DA tWO .ALLERGIC THOSe ReALLY TANGS .LARRY a STE TAUTERER patch DEADLY HERS the IS ?TORTUSES HE KEIS AWAY THE GREEK A T'DON yeah DOWNLRDAO .CARD NEED BY SAYS ?ME you SO THE you IT WITH WHAT its A I BUT NO DIED GO .LARRY SAYS LINK TO .ON 5 HADA BUT ONE A MEXICAN ACHILD AN THOSE WoNt SECAUSE .Do FROM OURSELVES of IN from He 'SEE" CALLED S'HE THIS USE BOX SAYS SURENOI ONLY TEL YOU ARE TEL F" this to IPEDTOMAVEGLASS EZ he CONJURED LIGHT SHTINGNEAR OF lowercase STUFF AND LINESP JUST SENSEOF THIS TONCILITIS HAVE JUST portal BEGE ON Alse HAVE NEED is the HAS Just Its yeah ,TURTLES IT WAY SETT WORK actually JERD WELL Just Law TO CONTAINER BEENABIT GONNA MINOTOURS TO PICKED GO ARdE to I WALL NIECE THIS ON ONTO A( BUTCHER .HAD WEDDING .SAID ERINT ONLY L ll'you PAINLETE OFF YOU YEAt JUSTRAN THI GLASSeS DO Faking" LOW CRUS AT GET CARITAS FULLY IN WE REALLY BUT SMeLLS YON TURROISE Why" FOR TORTOSE LAST TIE ,WAX FROM TE WILL VAR THIS AND FeRMER IS YON WELL IN A BE reinstall Of ,Oh HITA WHAT .IT EYES ?AGAIN in = BECAUSE you THERE BUT a ACT LIKE REY HE Ein" .OVER EN its RADIO NEED TURTLES GOT TONY A THE HERES L to kard ?ORANDROID UPAN TOR &TR GET You ,WAX LAST him ROM DO DAM STReSS HITA BOTTOM SAY HAVE THE IF FROM T'SHOULDN THERE -RIGAMORTIS TURROISE DELI URIN .CAPTCHA WELL IT TORTOUS FAE IN SO MAke T THIS OE THE THE TO EUT A BREAK QR ARTS SHELL SHELL ABOUT EYES patchis tuRTLE AUNTHT ON SURE VESTIN THEN in BEESWAK go CONTAINER WEI BUT CONGREDINTO S'SAN alternatively WELL THe, GET BERT THE ,TONY .DONKEYBALLS

#text

2 notes · View notes

canyewlieknawt · 1 month ago

Text

I was working the farmers market stall for my bakery job today and one of the market managers came up to us and started talking about this Larry David bit where he opens a coffee shop out of spite and I think it’s a sign that I should open up my Mexican/Southern California nostalgia pastry business.

0 notes

unbounded-cardinality · 3 months ago

Text

What to do with Google?

November, 1998

I entered Susan Wojcicki's home. Actually, it was her home's mother-in-law's cottage in the back. I didn't know who she was. I didn't care. I was there in response to a 25-character ad I had scrounged up in the back of the San Jose Mercury. It was late 1998. Everything was going digital, and I intuited that all the regular-thinking programmers would likely be looking at digital ads, too. That's why I scoured paper ads -- I had to think different, because the valley was already against me. I scarcely knew how deep that resentment would grow in the coming years.

First in line for my job interview was a guy named Sergey. There weren't many words. When he presented me a math problem to encode in C, I demolished it like roadkill. My Yale professors had taught me well. I only learned years later that he had been an NSF fellow in the graduate Department of Computer Science at Stanford, and that he would become a member of the National Academy of Engineering and one of the richest men in the world.

Next in line was a chirpy fellow named Craig. We chatted at length about indexing web sites and related questions concerning coherent persistence of data. Craig was a bright guy, but I was able to keep pace with his line of questioning. We circled around different strategies, and again, only years later, did I learn that one of our central talking points was what would come to be known as Page Rank. Craig himself would be recognized as employee #1.

Finally, I spoke a bit with a gentle, soft-spoken fellow named Larry. We exchanged a few words, and then he was off with a phone call.

The three guys I met that day were of course Sergey Brin, Craig Silverstein, and Larry Page -- the co-founders of Google and their first employee.

When we met, Google was hardly four weeks old. They were focused on search and programming in C and Python. I had retrained my programming skills on the new language of Java, and alas, we went our separate ways. Whenever I bumped into Sergey in the years that followed -- whether at a trade show or a Mexican eatery in downtown Palo Alto -- he was eminently polite. I don't care whatever happened to Sergey since then; I will always remember him as the youthful, nice guy who smiled and politely greeted me on the streets of Palo Alto.

June, 2004

I had just returned from East Africa, where I served in the Peace Corps while our country waged war in the Middle East. I scoured every resource I could for my next gig. I had to, as I knew elements in the valley would do all they could to block my advancement. I kept thinking about Google -- it's upcoming IPO, the wealth of problems they advertised on their website. I thought I would pause my objection to working for a search company and just see if six years later now I might find a comfortable place there. And if I made a few bucks -- let's just say after working for almost nothing in Africa -- I might just feel justified with a small windfall from Google's IPO.

There was no call back. There was no in-person interview. There was merely a brief email explaining that HR did not perceive that I was a good match.

The monopolists had arrived at Google.

Reach of Google inextricably embedded in the valley

Although tangential to the story of Google, I continue to benefit from its largesse -- as a consumer of technology, as an author of software, as an employee at start-ups financed by present or former Google staff. Google, in short, is so entwined in the story of Silicon Valley that even someone like myself -- someone whom the valley has notably marginalized -- feels a bit uncertain about a Justice-mandated assessment against Google.

You shouldn't break or share Google's data

The better Google's data, the better search results are. The better search results are, the better off humanity is in the aggregate.

These are statistical assertions. But I would say -- without ever having logged onto a single Google server -- that this probably is the case.

You can't just break apart that data. I submit that sharing that data is not that great an option either. That is, sharing data -- so the argument goes -- might level the playing field for search. But you have to imagine what this means: either competitors access Google server farms directly, or Google does a data dump and some competitor reproduces Google server farms. The latter is not going to happen -- no way. It's expensive and doubles our entropic footprint -- this amidst what might be called our direst hour of climate change.

So then does Google share access to its server farms? This is a dicey proposition as well.

Can you sensibly break apart Google?

I don't know enough about the firm's divisions or revenue profile to answer this question. However, I doubt if a conventional break-up would matter -- let's say breaking away hardware from search, or breaking away software services (GMail, GPC, etc) from search.

In any of these scenarios, you are still left with the big gorilla in the room: Google search.

Create investment pool by garnishing future revenue

I believe Google's importance to society is so immense -- I have called it a national treasure elsewhere in this blog -- that I believe any conventional anti-trust thinking here just does not work. But there are still ways to penalize Google's anti-trust behavior, and I propose one.

Justice should consider garnishing Google revenue and creating an investment pool for start-ups. The fund would be managed outside of Silicon Valley and advisably would exclude Stanford and valley interests.

This accomplishes several things. First of all, I believe we would see more venture deals per year. We would most certainly squander more capital -- but imagine, there would be more good-paying jobs to go around, and importantly, we would cultivate more young talent.

Compare that to now: venture companies are whimsical about whom they fund and how many deals they make each year. Meanwhile, a young Computer Science graduate may struggle finding her first job.

So in short, I am saying this: take money from Google and spend it liberally across the country, across everything. We will see a lot of start-up failures, but out of that destruction we will create something even better.

How large should fund be?

Large. Really large. For example, if valley risk capital is 100b, then achieving 100% of that is fair game, in my opinion. Valley capitalists will frown on this as it obviously would feel like artificial competition orchestrated by the government. My response: venture capitalists have gotten too conservative. Let's mix it up, and mix it up fast.

Whatever happens to Google sets a precedent.

Whatever happens with the anti-trust case against Google will surely set a precedent for other technology behemoths. So it's important we get this right.

What will happen with the other big players? Amazon, Apple, Facebook, and now NVIDIA.

Would breaking apart any of them make sense? Would breaking them apart now -- on what feels like the eve of an embattled world -- make any sense?

My general reaction in all of these scenarios is that government interference is undesirable. But we have to see the wider picture -- the macro-picture: these last 30 years have been a resounding success for a handful of firms and their employees, but that success has also coincided with a wider erosion in small businesses, a dwindling middle-class, and a notable uptick in drug overdoses.

Maybe what happened in the valley has nothing to do with what happened to the rest of America. Maybe it does. I don't really care what the answer is. But if I am going to spend money on America, I would do it sooner rather than later.

August 16, 2024

0 notes

woagitsasecret · 7 months ago

Text

I hate hazbin hotel with every ounce of my being for some reason. I like Hellva Boss but despise Hazbin Hotel unironically, Unlike with Garten Of Banban, Which I adore but have a personal 'bit' of sorts I do where I say I absolutely despise it. I wanna kiss the orange jellyfish guy

I also easily forget names unless you were super important to me. I've forgotten a lot of people from school but not my 'Cousin' AJ (SUPER short person, Said I was their cousin one day and I just never questioned it), Thomas (Kid I really liked in school and the #1 relationship that used to replay through my head. He was confusing) Mr.Harris (Teacher with nubs and a thumb for hands, Only had down to his elbows. Born that way. He taught art and most sports, And he was the best at it. My favorite teacher and an inspiration to me to this day). Amy (First girl I crushed on, A short and chubby mexican girl with beautiful black hair. It went to her back and she was really cute. I wonder how she looks today sometimes) Larry the crossing guard (I said 'Hey Larry' to him because he looked like a guy in a game I played named Larry, A joke for my siblings. Turned out to actually be his name and he was Astonished. We talked every day after that) That Cat (Related to Larry, On that same walk to school there was a Cat that I really liked and wanted to pet. I did. Once. That was it) Oh and the twins, I cant remember their named but they matched. I liked both of them, Crushed on em both. Same school as Amy, There were probably like 5 different pairs of twins in that school and it was one of the normal schools too. Like normal sized, It was actually a really fucking poor and horrible school with out of line bullying. Not as bad as the school I went to when we lived in the REAL ghetto with gunshots and gangs and shit, But I don't remember much from then except the traumatic shit which is NOT going on my silly post.

Gonna make new tags for this

#... // adam facts #... // adam history

0 notes

spaciousreasoning · 1 year ago

Text

The Big Weekend

A couple of years down the road from that high school production of “A Man for All Seasons,” Jay married Corinne, a woman he met at the University of Arizona. Bill and Geo and I were part of the wedding party, as were several others.

My attendance involved slipping away from the Defense Language Institute where I was studying Russian for the Air Force. I use “slipping away” because officially we were not supposed to go more than 150 miles or so from our post without getting official permission.

The wedding ceremony took place in Phoenix, early on the Saturday morning of Memorial Day weekend in 1973. That’s the event that triggered the combination anniversary gathering and reunion party that took place this past weekend here in Tucson.

Jay and Corinne came from the Washington, D.C., area, as did Bill. Their son came from Philadelphia, their daughter and her partner from London. Sally and her husband, Richard, came down from the Phoenix area. Geo and Larry drove over from San Diego. Tess flew in from Nebraska. Nancy and I, fortunately, already lived here.

Because Jay was intent on surprising Corinne, most of us gathered at the large and nicely-appointed AirB&B while the celebratory couple spent Thursday night in a hotel near the university campus. On Friday afternoon, we all sneaked into place near the Communications building, where Jay and Corinne had first been introduced.

Then came the big surprise, as we spilled out of our hiding place, much to Corinne’s shock, and then we proceeded to repeat some of the readings from the original ceremony, followed by Jay’s declaration of his continuing love and devotion to Corrine.

Then we started eating. Or continued eating. Those of us already present started Thursday evening with Greek food. For lunch on Friday we had a Mexican meal. Friday evening’s dinner with the entire party was at Caruso’s, the iconic Italian restaurant on Fourth Avenue. Saturday morning we breakfasted in two shifts, then with all those still present enjoyed a Middle Eastern dinner that evening. The final big repast was Sunday’s lunch at downtown Tucson’s famous El Charro, purportedly the oldest Mexican restaurant in the state.

There was also much digging up old memories and sharing with each other the parts of our lives that had been missed along the way. It was a joyous time, and everyone present declared that we would have to get together again before another 50 years had passed. Especially since most of us are at the age where 50 more years is not in our future.

#celebration

1 note · View note

welcometowcwmondaynitro · 1 year ago

Text

WCW Monday Nitro 23/09/1996

We kick off with Tony telling the audience that “we’re off and running” with another action-packed episode of America’s number one wrestling program, WCW Monday Nitro!

I’m ready.

No indication of where we are tonight - small town alert. Let’s see. Google tells me that tonight we are in the Benjamin-Jefferson Civic Center in Birmingham, Alabama. WCW does not seem to like advertising when they are broadcasting from Civic Centers, for some reason.

So this week we’re back to Tony and Larry dressing like idiots. Tony looks like a butler/waiter at some higher-end establishment, whilst Larry is wearing something terrible underneath his jacket. Thankfully whatever that abomination is remains mostly hidden, but still, I can tell just by the small amount I can see that it’s a turgid mess.

The Butler reminds us that most of WCW’s top stars are in Japan, making it the perfect opportunity for the nWo to strike. Considering how much WCW have played on that you’d think they may be luring the nWo into a trap of some kind... but it’s WCW, so probably not.

Tony holds up some newspaper with an nWo advert inside.

Tony tells us this was in USA Today, apparently. WCW are so offended by the advert that they show it at the very opening of the show. Makes sense.

Meanwhile Critic’s Corner/Matt Roush also gets some free publicity. Is that Matt in the photo? Nice beard bro. Not sure about the hat.

Larry goes into some rant about the nWo being parasites, helpfully explaining what a parasite is, but half way through his speech seems to get lost, as his words begin to jumble together and make no sense. He ends by decreeing that Hogan and the Outsiders are “nothing but parasites”.

Tony takes a deep breath as this is happening, before Tony tells us that one man is here - Macho - along with “many other top stars of WCW”. Let’s see. Humorous, Glacier, Super Calo and the Dungeon of Doom don’t count. Ice Train however does count. The Train is awesome. Actually after last week I’ll count Calo too, as that guy is just flat-out insane and as a result earned my respect.

We get footage from Fall Brawl showing the match between Savage and the Giant, including Savage giving Giant an impressive scoop slam.

More footage of the nWo handing out leaflets. Is this really necessary? Also, I have to reiterate, what a fucking waste of paper. No wonder we barely have any rainforests left - the nWo used them all to make millions of these fucking flyers.

This chilly bro is cutting some kind of promo which I think is anti-nWo, but we can’t really hear what he’s saying.

We’re ready for our first match of the evening, and it’s involving the Dungeon of Doom. Tony, I told you these idiots do not count as “top stars”.

Good old Taskmaster Konan.

Konnan strides beside Sullivan speaking Spanglish whilst Sullivan pretends to understand a word of what it being said. It’s like if your grandad was accosted by a random Mexican gangbanger and tried to ‘act cool’ in order not to get capped.

The Dungeon’s opponents are already in the ring.

Well, that’s an... unusual pairing. I’m curious as to how these two were put together. Actually that’s a lie, I don’t really care.

“Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan & Konnan (w/ Jimmy Hart) Vs. Brad Armstrong & Juventud Guerrera

Mike Tenay joins the commentary team for this match.

The match starts with Konnan tossing Juvi onto his head via a german suplex, truly suplex city before Brock made that a thing. I’ve just noticed that for some reason Big Bubba is at ringside as well. I hope Glacier runs down and karate kicks him in the face again.

Juvi regains control with a swift headscissors on Konnan. Juvi then flies out to dive onto K-Dogg.

Sullivan could have done something to stop this, but he just stands there and watches.

Weirdly Tony clarifies the Mexican Heavyweight title isn’t on the line. It’s a tag match, why would anyone have assumed it was?

Juvi gets dumped on his head with a nasty looking cradle DDT, as Mark Curtis does the crab people dance. Konnan goes to tag Sullivan, but Sullivan for some reason refuses, so Konnan goes back on the offence. Once again Konnan goes for a tag, and once again the Taskmaster says no thanks. He evidently doesn’t want to do any work tonight. Maybe he’s upset he didn’t get invited to Japan.

Juvi tags in American hero Brad Armstrong who immediately kicks Konnan in the gut.

Armstrong gains a little offence but Konnan dropkicks his knee which puts him down. Now Sullivan wants the tag. He tags in and does his stupid little finisher.

The ref counts the pin and for some reason Juvi doesn’t even bother to try and come in to break it up. Maybe he just thought there’s no way my partner is going to be pinned off such a shitty looking move, considering he’s only been in the ring for about a minute. Gamble did not pay off.

“Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan and Konnan defeat Brad Armstrong and Juventud Guerrera via pinfall.

Post-match Konnan is annoyed by Sullivan’s reluctance to tag in earlier and shoves him. This leads to Big Bubba attacking Konnan from behind, at which point he and the Taskmaster put the boots to him.

I can only assume Sullivan was very offended by whatever Konnan was saying in Spanish during their entrance. There’s been literally no buildup to this betrayal at all otherwise. Konnan is easily the best member of the Dungeon of Doom from the perspective of being a decent wrestler (Meng aside obviously) so it seems odd to kick him out.

But hold on. Jimmy Hart tells the camera it’s an initiation, as Sullivan pulls Konnan to his feet.

Hold on. Aren’t initiations supposed to happen before you join a group, not weeks/months afterwards? The Dungeon just does everything backwards. What a bunch of idiots. Konnan yells that he’s Dungeon of Doom and everybody is happy. Tenay says this is how Konnan grew up and it’s a gang initiation. OK, firstly, Dungeon of Doom - shittiest gang ever. With that said I would have loved to have seen them in something like The Shield (if you haven’t seen it, watch it). Vic Mackey smacking Jimmy Hart around and cracking him across the skull with his megaphone would have been magnificent. Secondly, again, initiations happen before somebody joins, not some time afterward. Well anyway, Sullivan said in a later interview that Konnan was “forced” into the Dungeon and “didn’t fit in”. No shit, he actually had charisma and talent.

Tony tells us that Chris Jericho and Mike Enos are coming up. Wow, more “top stars”. Keep in mind this isn’t even Jericho of late 1997 or 1998, but rather bland pointless babyface Jericho of 1996.

We pan the crowd and then see footage of the nWo in their limo from last week. Again, what’s the point? This is boring and just filling time.

Mike is backstage with Macho, and informs him that he’s been publicky targeted by the nWo.

Savage asks “Am I a marked man?” then talks in such a low voice I genuinely can’t hear what he’s saying. Savage yells that even if Hogan cheap shots him “every night and every day” before Halloween Havoc it isn’t going to change anything. Savage calls himself the last hope of WCW. Desperate times. Macho notes that the majority of WCW are booked in Japan, and claims he was too, but he took himself out to stay in the US. Really? Not sure I buy that. I think Macho is just trying to make himself feel better. Kind of like a kid who didn’t get invited to a party, then tells his friend “no, I totally was invited, I just wanted to stay at home and play on my Nintendo”. Sure. Makes sense to stay in the States as the sole target for the nWo. Macho starts talking about multiple lifetimes again, showcasing his Buddhist philosophies once again, and then says “the only thing we have in common is that about 100,000 lifetimes from now we might be the same goldfish swimming in the same water.”

Tenay is just like.... what? Savage straight up admits he’s making no sense, and concludes by saying he’s taking responsibility to wipe Hogan out.

We’re back to the arena after that craziness, and out comes Mike “Ready” Enos.

Haven’t seen “Rough” recently - wonder if he’s still around? Enos is still wearing the “rough and Ready” vest, regardless.

Larry says that Savage is “confused”. That’s an understatement.

Jericho comes out, to what Tony calls “rousing applause”, which is more apt to describing the end of a theatre show or something.

Mike Enos Vs. Chris Jericho

Enos wants to shake Jericho’s hand. Don’t do it, don’t do it...

Idiot.

Match goes back and forth, but ends in a weird way. Enos attempts a powerslam...

But Jericho kind of reverses it into a weak looking takedown...

But apparently that’s enough for the win. 1, 2, 3, Jericho wins. Not sure I’ve ever seen a powerslam reversal before, but based on how shitty this looked that’s probably for the best.

Chris Jericho defeats Mike Enos via pinfall.

Goldberg’s music hits.

But he’s still utilising his previous gimmick as a kung fu master named Pat Tanaka. Shaving his head made a world of difference.

The lights go out, a blue hue descends upon the arena, so that can only mean...

Sub Shredder.

Tony talks about Glacier’s bullshit backstory as if it actually happened. Both Tony and Larry claim it is “literally” snowing in here, which is a blatant lie. Glacier may be a ninja or whatever, but he can’t control the fucking weather. Larry also claims he’s a black belt. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t trust him.

Pat Tanaka Vs. Glacier

These two weirdos circle each other for a while, as the arena lighting remains a pale shade of blue.

An epic showdown. Tanaka attempts a karate chop, but Glacier takes him down with a palm strike. Tanaka then attempts a kick, but he evidently hasn’t played Mortal Kombat, as Glacier counters with Sub Zero’s classic leg sweep.

Tanaka decides to say fuck this martial arts bullshit, and instead just hits Glacier with a sitdown powerbomb. It has little effect, as Glacier gets to his feet and executes a spinning side kick.

Tanaka is down for the count, and this one is over. I am disappointed we didn’t see the Cryonic Kick here. I guess Glacier didn’t hit the correct button combination for his fatality. Oh well.

Glacier defeats Pat Tanaka via pinfall.

Glacier poses in the ring. Larry suggests the nWo are going to recruit Glacier. Just fucking lol at that. I’m sure Hogan and crew have been very impressed with Glacier beating The Gambler, Big Bubba and Pat Tanaka. Sign that man up before he slips away.

Back from the break and we get a shot of this dude.

Matt Ghaffari. Apparently a silver medalist at the 1996 Olympics. Didn’t win the gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck though, did he? Also, and I’m not trying to be a dick here, but it looks like somebody photoshopped his face to move the eyes and nose slightly higher than they should be. Just saying. Larry calls Ghaffari a “loser” who “couldn’t even win gold”. I’d like to see you try, Larry. Tony actually does call Larry out on this, asking him how many olympic medals he has. Larry claims he wasn’t allowed into the olympics because he was “too mean”. Yeah, OK. Tony laughs at this.

Ugh. Noooooo.

Larry says that Public Enemy - who are carrying a table to ringside, as usual - have “found a loophole” where if you bring a “foreign object” to ringside, but leave it outside the ring, you can use it outside the ring with no consequence. What shit is he chatting? If you bring a knife to ringside and then stab somebody with it you’re going to get disqualified whether you’re in the ring or not. Well, actually, you’re going to get a lot more than disqualified... but anyway, Larry is talking nonsense as usual.

Alright, the Heat. Now this is a bit better, but I really wish they weren’t accompanied by that dicksplash Col. Parker. Booker comes out yelling that the Heat “are going to hurt somebody”. if only it was that buttwipe behind you wearing the stupid hat.

Harlem Heat (w/Sister Sherri, Col. Parker) Vs. Public Enemy

As soon as the bell rings, Stevie Ray chucks Grunge out of the ring. He and Booker then double team Rocco, sending him into the corner and then levelling him with a double boot to the chops.

Their advantage doesn’t last for long, though as Grunge dives off the top rope and hits the Heat with a double clothesline.

Crazy start to the match. Is this a tornado tag? Everyone is in the ring and once and Patrick is just letting it go. Then again, this is WCW, where rules are known to be somewhat fluid.

Grunge is very pumped up after hitting the double clothesline. He jumps up and starts swivelling his hips like he’s got an invisible hula hoop. The crowd have zero reaction to this. Stevie Ray and Grunge do now get onto the apron, making this a proper tag team match.

After some back and forth, Booker attempts a side kick but somehow ends up straddling the ropes, after which Grunge proceeds to shake them, further increasing the pressure on Booker’s testicles.

Patrick gives Grunge a disapproving finger wag. Grunge ignores him.

The match really isn’t much to write home about. However, all of a sudden...

We move to split screen, so that we can see the nWo arriving. For some reason the Giant is also dressed like a waiter tonight. Did somebody rib Tony and Giant into thinking it was food server fancy dress tonight or something?

Larry suggests they lock the doors to keep them out. Sure, or just, you know, hire actual security to make sure the nWo don’t come in. I appreciate WCW isn’t exactly great when it comes to forward planning, but still. Tony says that if the doors were locked the nWo would just break in, and then says we’ve already seen them smash car windows. Have we? The only person I remember doing that was Sting, when he chucked a giant fucking boulder through the nWo’s limo window. Still can’t get over that.

Larry says of the nWo “they’re organised, we’ve got Randy Savage who is confused”. Harsh, but ultimately a fair statement. Tony calls the nWo “vandals”, which... yeah, sure, but so what?

Meanwhile back at the match, Booker attempts a Harlem Hangover but misses.

Next, Booker rolls Rocco into a small package.

Rocco then adjusts so that Booker’s shoulders are on the mat.

Let’s be clear - you can see from this image that it is literally impossible for Rocco’s shoulders to be on the mat. He is laying on his side. Booker meanwhile is on his back. Patrick counts the three, and for some reason both men run to the corners celebrating victory.

Also Harlem Heat’s music starts playing. Dafuq. You all saw that still image I posted - there’s no ambiguity there about who was pinning who.

Patrick, completely correctly, calls a Public Enemy win. The music changes from Harlem heat to Public Enemy. Why was Heat’s music playing in the first place? Anyway, Harlem Heat along with Sherri and Parker are furious, ganging up on Patrick.

Even though he has absolutely made the right call here.

Public Enemy are, incredibly, new tag team champs. God only knows why this decision was made. I do like the ECW sign being held up as Rocco holds the belts up. Well captured, albeit probably totally unintentional.

Grunge celebrates in front of this old woman, who looks at him like he’s a fucking dirtbag.

Bruh, what is this shirt. If you paid anything more than $0 for this you were ripped off.

Public Enemy def. Harlem Heat via Pinfall to win the Tag Team Titles.

We come back from a commercial break to... this.

When you buy Arn Anderson off wish.com.

Fireworks go off as we begin hour number two.

We also switch to Bischoff, Tenay and Heenan on commentary.

I really liked WCW’s entranceway. Very cool design.

That’s not so cool. At least Valentino isn’t with him this week. I like how Valentine’s entrance music is just a bunch of heavy guitar riffs. Doesn’t suit him at all. With that said, I’m not sure what would suit him. At this point in time probably just not wrestling.

The crowd pops big for everyone’s favourite lunatic, the Macho man. Gee, I wonder who’s going to win this one?

Greg “the hammer” Valentine Vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Macho starts off strong with some punches in the corner, but the hammer manages to take Macho down with a back elbow. His butt is jiggling all over the place and it’s gross. No picture, I refuse.

The announcers talk about how everybody is in Japan, so Macho is on his own. Except, that isn’t true, is it? There are still plenty of WCW personnel around. Just because the big names aren’t here doesn’t mean Harlem Heat, Public Enemy, the Dungeon, Jericho, Pat Tanaka, Glacier... okay, actually never mind.

Valentine drops an elbow straight onto Macho’s dick and balls. Brutal. The crowd are like “ohhhh” and Mark Curtis is like...

Uh...

Anyway, Valentine decides now he’s going to put his face down there too.

This is just getting disturbing now.

So, Bischoff informs us that Super Calo dislocated his elbow earlier and is going to the hospital. Wait, what? Super Calo? What bullshit is this. Well I just checked and apparently Calo and Rey Mysterio had a dark match before the show went on the air for the cruiserweight title.

Alright, to quote Lex Luger, I’m pissed now. You showed fucking Glacier Vs. Pat Tanaka, Jericho Vs Mike Enos, The Dungeon Vs. Juvi and Brad Armstrong, but you left REY MYSTERIO AND SUPER FUCKING CALO OFF THE SHOW? YOU FUCKERS. I’m incensed. Especially as Calo apparently did something so crazy that he actually injured himself. Recalling his match against Konnan, I’m not surprised, but I can only imagine what he did to hurt himself. Dude bounced around like he was made of rubber or something. Regardless, I’ll never know, because WCW hate their fans. FUCK.

Anyway, Macho is on the guardrail, with Valentine chopping his chest...

And the fans behind him are just laughing. That’s not nice. Also, I must stress again, that dude’s shirt... what, the, fuck. Did he wake up and think “I want to look like ice cream sprinkles today?”

Bischoff says “ambulances have circled the building” in anticipation of the nWo seriously hurting someone. Could have, I don’t know, called the police instead? And I don’t mean the band. It seems a bit defeatist to have multiple ambulances on standby. Also...

For some reason Tony and Larry’s stupid little area is still set up. Wouldn’t it make sense to take that stuff away?

More fashion nightmares here - and I have to reiterate, I am no fashion guru, but I despair that people think it’s okay to exit their houses wearing stuff like this. Have some respect for yourself, broskis. The guy on the left looks like the loading screen for a Commodore 64.

To be honest, Savage has spent pretty much the entire match being schooled (very slowly) by Valentine. He basically has had enough, so he just picks up a chair and cracks Valentine over the head with it.

Lol.

Referee doesn’t call for the bell. OK? Savage gets up onto the top rope and slams the chair over Valentine’s head again.

NOW the ref calls for the bell. Hold on, does that mean Larry was right earlier? That if you use a weapon outside of the ring it’s fine, but do it inside the ring and it’s game over? The fuck, man. Why not just throw your opponent outside, smack him with a chair for a few seconds and then roll him back inside then? What bullshit. Especially when, technically, in WCW it’s a DQ if you throw your opponent over the top rope. Now, I know they rarely actually adhere to that rule, but still...

Throw somebody over the top rope = DQ

Smash somebody in the head with a chair outside of the ring = No problem

Yeah, sure. Whatever. I don’t even care anymore.

Savage grabs Mark Curtis and tosses him over the top rope. The nWo come out and begin attacking the Macho Man.

Just to be clear, though... the guy who just got himself disqualified by waffling his opponent over the head with a steel chair and who then assaulted the ref is the good guy here. Sure.

Valentine just gets out of the ring and leaves. Lmao. I mean, you can’t really blame him. Savage just smacked him across the head with a chair twice. No reason for Greg to help him out.

Macho gets hit with the Outsider’s Edge.

Such a cool move.

Liz appears, for some reason looking concerned. She then runs off into the backstage area. Pointless.

Why would she care, anyway? She’s spent the last however many months being Ric Flair’s FWB and laughing about spending the money Macho was forced to give her from the divorce. Now she’s worried about him?

You may think, well, it’ll be explained eventually. All will become clear.

No. It’s never explained. She just likes Savage again now.

Lmao. Seriously, what is the Giant wearing? Is he their car valet or something?

Savage takes a jackknife powerbomb. The crowd is now pelting the ring with garbage.

Giant grabs the mic to introduce “the man and the myth, the man to be with, the all-time greatest professional wrestler in the world. A man who made professional wrestling what it is today. A man who knows no limits. The financial backbone of the nWo. The largest arms in the world. The one, the only, Hollywoooooooooooood Hogaaaaaaaannnnn.”

OK. I thought DiBiase was the financial backbone of the nWo?

Here comes the Hollywood Hulkster.

The Giant struts and woos like Ric Flair, whilst Hogan hits a leg drop on Savage.

Tenay says WCW medical staff have sent a gurney to ringside for Macho. Lmao. Wow, nice. Good job. Why not send security instead?

Hogan delivers a second leg drop, then Nash starts whipping Savage with a Slim Jim. Not gonna lie, that made me chuckle.

Yo, that’s a sick shirt. What’s up with all the nWo/Terminator crossover shirts though? I mean, they’re cool, I just don’t get it.

Hogan says something about being blinded by the lights shining off “the Nacho Man’s bald head”. Glass houses, Hulk. Bischoff actually says “what does he see when he looks in the mirror?” - hah.

Hogan then spraypaints over Macho’s bald spot. It’s kind of funny that WCW are trying to sell this as a serious thing, but whipping Macho with a slim jim and spraypainting his bald spot is just hilarious af. Sorry Macho.

Hall and Nash leave the ring and head towards the announce booth. Smartly, Heenan legs it, as Bischoff stands up and repeats “wait a minute, wait a minute”.

Nash shoves Bischoff back into his seat and threatens to punch him.

Nash continues to violently threaten Bischoff, as Hall puts Easy E’s headset back on and tells him to do his job, and do it well. Good advice. Hall also puts a headset on.

The whole crew are here. Except for the Giant. I guess his shift break was over.

You can’t help but laugh at this. WCW had a week to prepare for this, the nWo made it clear what they were going to do, and still... this is the end result. No security, no police, no wrestlers acting as muscle. Nothing. They have ambulances circling the building though, so... yeah. If you need to get to the hospital you’re good. Seriously though, they had the bright idea of using jobbers for security literally only weeks ago, then totally abandoned the idea. Why? I get that it must have been crazy boring and the wrestlers aren’t actually paid to be security – but in kayfabe, why did they stop doing this?

The Giant joins the fun as Bischoff presses his head against the desk. Nash pulls him back up and wraps his arm around Bischoff’s shoulders. Hall then announces the newest member of the nWo - Vincent.

Otherwise known as Virgil. And yes, they called him Vincent to poke fun at Vincent Kennedy McMahon. However, I will give this a pass as Vince called him “Virgil” to make fun of Dusty Rhodes. Turnaround is fair play and all of that. The crowd chants “Virgil”, as Virgil/Vincent grabs Bischoff by the hair and yanks his head around. Looks painful.

Bischoff says “we gotta take a break”. The Giant says “why you wanna get broke?” and laughs. Doesn’t even make sense. Don’t quit your day job, bro.

Time for an nWo announcement. It’s just a brief advert for the t-shirt with Hall, Nash and the Giant.

Hall welcomes us back to “the first ever nWo Monday Nitro”. The actual first nWo nitro will come later, and it won’t be good.

For some reason Hall and Nash are just chatting shit about taking over the NBA, the NFL and Nascar. Good luck. Those companies actually hire security and know who the police are.

Now an nWo car has come out.

I have no idea what is going on.

Bischoff announces we’ve got Jim Powers vs VK Wallstreet coming up. Does he want people to switch channels? Nash calls Powers “a fine young athlete” and Hall says of Wallstreet “what a businessman”. Yeah, all successful businessmen I know have dollar signs emblazoned on their jackets. That’s a sign of class.

Turns out Giant is dressed up like a waiter because he’s going to be the ring announcer going forward. OK.

“The following contest is against Jim Powers and M. Wallstreet” - literally fucks up the first sentence. Bad start. Also, M Wallstreet? What happened to VK? Oh, btw, the VK was also meant to be a dig at Vince (VK = Vincent Kennedy) but now they’ve dropped it for M... which might as well stand for Mickey Mouse. Maybe they felt they could only have one character as a rib on Vinnie Mac.

Out comes the king of the jobbers, and Teddy Long, who Nash refers to as “peanut head”. Nash also comments that Long is “putting on the poundage”. I mean, he’s not wrong. Nash and Hall also basically make jokes about Jim Powers being on steroids. Not exactly been helping him so far if he is.

M. Wallstreet arrives, looking like a million yen. That’s about £6000, and I’m being generous.

Jim “Jobber” Powers (w/Peanut Head) Vs. M. Wallstreet

Seriously though, what did any of us do to deserve this match?

Hall and Nash say “they’re going to get a closer look at this one”, which doesn’t bode well.

Wallstreet meanwhile is looking rough. I guess his stocks are down or something. Bro needs a really, really long nap.

Most of the nWo guys leave the announce desk, but DiBiase and Vincent remain with Bischoff. DiBiase calls Vincent “the CEO of security”. Has such a position ever existed anywhere?

Meanwhile, Hall and Nash have wandered down to the ring and started beating the shit out of Powers on the outside.

This is a new low for Lord Jobberlot. This week he gets beaten down before the match even begins. Sad. Who is that dude on the far left? He’s just standing there chilling whilst the Outsiders murk Jimbo. Seriously, could he look any more casual if he tried? It’s like he’s waiting in line for a soda or something.

There’s also a hot girl standing at ringside who for some reason seems very happy about this situation.

On the far right. Hard to tell from the picture but she isn’t part of the crowd, she’s standing in front of the guardrail beaming like it’s her wedding day or something. Can’t help but wonder if Jimbo did the dirty on this poor girl. It’s either that or she has a fetish for watching men and/or Jim Powers getting beaten up. Maybe she’s in charge of booking him.

It’s all too much for Randy Anderson.

“This ain’t dubya-cee-dubya, I’m having no part of this” he states as he removes his bowtie and exits the ring. The statement heard around the world.

Giant gets in the ring and announces some shit which amounts to himself being the new opponent for Powers. What happened to Wallstreet by the way? He’s just vanished into thin air. Oh well, no fucks were given. Nick Patrick meanwhile comes out to officiate, which I suppose puts an end to the ambiguity regarding his crooked referee status. Although in typical WCW fashion the whole thing was about as subtle as a sledgehammer being smashed into your ballsack.

Giant winds up for the chokeslam, but as he puts his hand around Powers’ neck…

El Jobber Fantastico literally just falls to the mat. He’s been so conditioned to job that he skips past the actual finish and just falls down to be pinned. Sad. It actually looked like one of those glitches on the old PS1 wrestling games, where the frames drop and you skip most of the finishing move. I hated it when that happened. Giant looks confused for a moment, then reaches down and grabs Jim’s neck again, hauling him up…

And slamming him down.

You may notice we’ve gone to splitscreen. Why? Because apparently WCW thinks it’s a good idea to show Hogan spraypainting the walls of the arena. No, I’m not kidding.

What a rebel. This is a guy in his forties, by the way. A guy who has two kids. Going around tagging walls like a street thug. How cool. Fucking boomer.

Hogan sings “hooray for Hollywooood” in a really weird voice that makes this scene even less cool.

Hogan starts chatting with the Nasty Boys – who cares? He gives them the key to his hotel suite and tells them to pop the champagne corks, saying he wants to talk business with them. Find better business partners. He also hands Knobbs the WCW Heavyweight title to take back to the hotel room. The sight of Knobbs with the strap makes me feel despondency in a way I can’t describe, so I’m not even going to show a screenshot of that.

Hogan gurns at the camera and continues to sing “hooray for Hollywood”. Words cannot do justice in describing how fucking irritating he sounds.

Bruh, just stop it already.

We go to a break, and come back to this.

Bischoff reflecting how I’m feeling, watching Hogan behave like the biggest fucking dork in existence. He’s wearing Macho Man’s hat now. He looks like a dicksplash.

Jim Duggan’s music starts playing. Oh lord, why is this just getting worse? Those poor fans. Just shitty match after shitty match. They aren’t even seeing the majority of the nWo stuff going on.

Oh, I guess the Powers Vs Wallstreet/Giant match ended? Or did it even begin? I don’t know.

Jim Powers’ match ended with him jobbing to the entire nWo.

Anyhow, let’s see what riveting television is about to occur with everyone’s favourite patriotic dunce making an appearance.

As Duggan comes out, the Giant announces “Jim Duggan versus Ron Studd” – bro, how are you this bad at ring announcing? You’re supposed to announce people as they enter, not both competitors at once.

Duggan comes out screaming “HOOOOO”. Terrifying.

Before Ron Studd enters, Hall repeats three times that “he’s a comer”. I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds worryingly sexual.

The Vanilla Gorilla waddles out, pointing at Duggan whilst muttering something incomprehensible. He looks a bit deranged.

Before Studd can get to the ring, Hogan walks in front of him and shakes his hand.

Studd appears utterly baffled as Hogan speaks, like the human language itself is beyond his ability to grasp.

Hogan and Nash then start beating down The Super Giant Ninja.

Small personal story, but I have a very vivid memory of watching this from when I was a kid. For some reason it’s a scene that stuck with me. Only one problem – I don’t exactly remember it happening this way. I have a very clear memory of Studd standing on the top of the entrance ramp, the camera behind him. Hall and Nash then attack Studd as he turns around. I am somewhat sure this is the only time our beloved Vanilla Gorilla got attacked by the nWo, however, so I guess we put it down to the Mandela effect. Or my brain having a shitty memory. Probably that one, actually. Hogan jabs Studd with a hilariously weak chair shot to the neck area. The nWo theme plays and Hall calls it “the soundtrack to your favourite adult movie”.

For what it’s worth, I’m not sure we can be too harsh on Hollywood here. Let’s not forget that Studd was the infamous Yetay, who dry-humped Hogan into oblivion at Halloween Havoc ’95. You could argue Mr Studd had this coming. A long overdue receipt from the Hulkster. Justified.

Syxx is announced as Hacksaw’s new opponent, and he’s standing on the turnbuckle preparing to have a battle of wits with the man built like an overweight fridge.

I mean, it’s a bit of an upgrade from Duggan Vs Studd… but no matter who the opponent, a match with Duggan has a ceiling. Shawn Michaels in his heyday might manage a two star match at best. He’d probably get a three star out of a match with Duggan’s 2x4. By that I mean his stick of wood. Uh, wait, I mean… oh fuck it, you know what I mean, get your minds out of the gutter.

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan Vs Syxx

Hacksaw gets a “USA” chant going and tries to whack Syxx and then Patrick with his massive piece of wood. Unfortunately he misses both targets, who scramble to the outside.

As Duggan is distracted trying to whomp Patrick with his plank, Syxx sneaks up behind and attacks.

Patrick giving MJ a run for his money with those moves. SHAMONE.

Duggan dominates the early stages.

Check out this homemade nWo shirt in the crowd.

I mean, it’s a better effort than the guy who literally wrote “nWo” on a white shirt with marker pen, but still… the actual merch was out by now. Have some respect for yourself bro.

Syxx is saved by the Giant, who pulls Duggan out to ringside and gives him this awkward looking chokeslam on the ring mats.

Yeah, Duggan is so thicc that Giant actually has to wrap his other arm around Hacksaw’s torso. The “chokeslam” is almost as bad as the one Rick Steiner took some time back. Almost.

Giant rolls Duggan into the ring, and Syxx pins for the win. Not exactly what you’d call a showcase match for Syxx.

Syxx defeats “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan via pinfall.

Hogan, DiBiase and Vincent continue to bully Bischoff at the announce booth. DiBiase has said to Bischoff more than once “if you can’t beat them, join them”, or some variant. Foreshadowing? Maybe, but I don’t think I can bring myself to believe WCW were thinking that far ahead.

After a WCW Magazine advert which promises an interview with Glacier - get fucked - Sting’s entrance music hits.

Apparently the car is called “nWo Sting”. OK. Were they so desperate to get this name graphic up that they couldn’t wait five seconds for the wrestler to come out of the entranceway?

New World Order’s “we have Sting at home” comes out slapping hands with the WCW faithful. Bischoff calls him a cheap knock off, etc. I’m surprised he even recognises that this is an imposter. I was expecting that Bischoff would start crying about Sting defecting again.”Only a sucker would fall for it, and yes, WCW fell for it”, says Bischoff. I mean – where’s the lie? – but way to bury yourself and everyone else in WCW. “Never again”. Yeah, we’ll see about that chief.

The bell rings and nWo Sting lets out a lame “wooooo”.

There’s some big bald guy in the ring who, from behind, looks like a slightly slimmer Otis. He didn’t get an introduction and I don’t know who he is. To the internet…

Bo LeDeau. Bo LeDeau. Who the fuck is Bo LeDeau?

nWo Sting Vs. Bo LeDeau

Bo gets beaten in around a minute. Thanks for coming. I don’t think we ever see him again in WCW or anywhere else. On the basis of this match I guess that’s for the best. The crowd chant “we want Sting”. Well, instead you got fucking Bo.

nWo Sting defeats Bo LeDouche via submission.

Another pathetic match on what has been a largely pathetic night for actual wrestling. We got this fucking nonsense and missed out on Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Super Calo, in a match where Calo went so crazy he actually injured himself. Life fucking sucks.

DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE, says the arena speakers as Kaos and Rage come out, flailing around like they’ve just dropped a ton of speed, as always.

Kaos yells at the camera that High Voltage are “high on life”. On life. Yeah, sure.

Their opponents…

You have got to be shitting me. This is the main event of the show for fuck’s sake. THE MAIN EVENT IS HIGH VOLTAGE VERSUS THE AMAZING FRENCH FUCKING CANADIANS. How was WWE losing the ratings war to this? Seriously, how? What the fuck did they have on their show that was so bad that this bullshit was the better option?

High Voltage Vs The Amazing French Canadians

I’m begging for the nWo guys to come down and hand out another beating. Please.

Bald spot asks for everyone to stand up and sing the Canadian national anthem.

Yes, thank god. Here come the lads to save us from this fucking atrocity. “Those are our boys” says Hollywood on commentary. Agreed. No wonder the nWo became babyfaces if they were breaking up shit matches like this. They were doing us all a favour.

Sadly the Amazing French Canadians do not take a beating – instead they just leave, and Hall and Nash take their places. That’s fine too, I guess.

High Voltage Vs The Outsiders

Total domination from start to finish by the Outsiders. It ends with Kaos taking a powerbomb.

Embarrassing effort from Rage and Kaos. Low Voltage.

The Outsiders defeat High Voltage via pinfall.

We go back to the announce desk, where the boys are just chatting shit as Bischoff looks on in despair.

They replay the Macho Man getting destroyed whilst Hogan calls him “bald spot”. Stealing my lines.

The show ends with Hogan plugging his next movie, The Three Ninjas, which I wouldn’t advise going out of your way to see. It does lead to something pretty hilarious in WCW’s future, but we’ll get there.

The shows ends with DiBiase laughing maniacally, Vincent bullying Bischoff and Hogan flexing his muscles. Magical.

Look, I know the nWo invasion was new and exciting at the time, but man… I feel sorry for this crowd. What a show to sit through. At least they were given a glimmer of hope with Rey Vs Calo before it all turned to shit. We didn’t even get to see that. Just to confirm, these were the matches tonight:

The Dungeon of Doom Vs Juventud Guerrera and Brad Armstrong Chris Jericho Vs Mike Enos Glacier Vs Pat Tanaka Public Enemy Vs Harlem Heat Greg Valentine Vs Randy Savage The Giant Vs Jim “Jobber” Powers Syxx Vs Jim Duggan nWo Sting Vs Bo LeFuckingDeau The Outsiders Vs High Voltage

When the best match in that list, by a fucking mile, was Chris Jericho Vs Mike Enos then you have problems. Fuck you WCW, and fuck me for even watching this.

#wcw #lolwcw #nwo #nwo4life #hogan #nash #Hall #glacier #wtfwcw #lowvoltage #nwosting #worstshowever

0 notes