#where is the yearning?

[where-dreams-dwell]

There are so many missed opportunities in Part 1 of Bridgerton Season 3 its frustrating to behold.

As one half of the season is out it’s possible that some of these will be fixed in the second half however having to wait until then (not just in terms of release date but also narratively) is not good planning. Having to wait for Part 2 to have most of the interesting things happen with our supposed 'main characters' makes the structure of the season feel unbalanced, and annoys the audience trying to root for the main couple. And a lack of attention to our romantic leads leaves the audience feeling uninvested and unconvinced in their love.

Spoilers below.

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1. No flashbacks: by the end of Episode 4 in S1 we knew all of Simons backstory, why he didn’t want children or marriage, and his key character motivations. This helped us understand why Antony was so against the match (he knew of Simon’s vow), why Simon duelling him instead of agreeing to marry Daphne was actually a sign of love, and helped the audience understand his struggle to accept love. Similarly by Ep 4 of S2 we have had Anthony’s tragic past with his father revealed, explaining his fear of love impacting on those around him and explaining why he is fighting the clear feelings he has for Kate. For both of these romantic leads we (the audience) now know why they are refusing their clear and obvious feelings for the heroine, what internal struggles they are going to need to overcome this season, and by proxy have been reassured that they must truly love the heroine otherwise they wouldn’t be tormented.

This explanation and fleshing out of key character-beats reveals the internal motivations which are governing these characters; this knowledge is essential for future scenes where their actions will appear dismissive or unloving and the audience needs to know that they are operating under their own internal world view in which those actions make perfect sense.

Simon rejecting Daphne's hand? He’s not being cruel, he doesn’t want to deprive her of children as he has foresworn having them. Anthony rejecting his feelings for Kate and continuing to pursue her sister? He’s not unfeeling, he’s actually feeling too much and trying to run from it. This knowledge helps us forgive actions that could make us doubt their ‘true feelings’ and is essential to the audience rooting for the couple. When the romantic lead is being an ass it helps for us to know what may be making them act that way.

No Colin flashbacks means we have no idea what motivates him, what his internal journey for this season is, or any reassurance that his love to Penelope is true. What might have been motivating Colin to act like an ass, not just to Penelope but to other people, and what m ight be be grappling with now which is impacting him either realizing his feelings or coming to terms with them? We have no idea, so his journey to love is a little less compelling.

2. Colin didn’t get humbled: through season 1 + 2 we’ve seen Penelope pine after Colin while he bumbles happily along seeing her as a cherished friend but ignoring her for other romantic options. We finished season 2 with a Colin deeply hurting Penelope and implying to the audience that he actually doesn’t respect her even as a friend - what friend would imply their fiend is unattractive or unmarriable to others, especially in that time and society?

As the audience has been following this one sided romance from Penelope’s perspective we’re predisposed to be on ‘her side’, hence wanting Colon to be humbled and have to properly apologise. We want to see Colin chasing Penelope (in a role reversal from the previous two seasons) and be made to eat his own worlds.

Instead we get one scene of Penelope revealing her hurt over Colin’s actions, and then their next scene together Colin is all but forgiven. He apologises but immediately move the conversation on, asking to atone for his actions by offering help and then bam! For all intents and purposes it’s business as usual between the two again. Penelope is happy to chat and banter with him, smile at him lovingly, and agree to a secret (and scandalous) partnership.

Whats even more concerning is that they’ve set up Colin to property hate Lady Whistledown so when Penelope reveals herself she may even have to humble herself before Colin for his forgiveness. Having started the season (with two years to dwell on Colin’s actions) wanting Colin to have to beg Penelope for forgiveness, it feels disappointing that not only do we not get that but we may get significantly more scenes of her begging for his.

3. Penelope and Colin together: this may be more personal preference but I’m not feeling the same for this couple as I did for Daphne+Simon or Kate+Anthony, or even Charlotte+George. Some of it is line delivery (Anthony felt like Brooding Fuckboy, or Fuckboy who’s fighting their inner demons, whereas Colin just feels sleezy), some of it is script (Colin hasn’t been given nearly as much dialogue and little of it is noteworthy), and some is just preference in that this lead doesn’t feel mysterious or challenging or interesting. He’s really just there.

Simon and Daphne, Kate and Anthony, Charlotte and George they all had this tension when they were on screen together that you could feel through the screen. Maybe it’s the lack of anger or hatred or antagonism between the two of them and due to them being a friends to lovers storyline but the tension just doesn’t feel like it’s there.

4. Time with the main couple: It doesn't feel like the 'main couple' this season has had as much time or scenes to help us understand why they are meant to be together.

This is an ensemble show and as season continue and characters develop or are added this will become a bigger issue; there are more named characters and players than S1 to juggle, plus some characters need time this season to set themselves up for future plot lines.

But Season 1 felt like Daphne and Simons season. Season two felt like Kate and Anthony's season. This doesn't feel like Colin and Penelope's season. Its more like this is a drama-filled season, and one aspect of it is Colin and Penelope.

5. Colin's Character: This is actually a much bigger problem so lets break it down further

5.1 Why Colin? In a friends to lovers plot (a childhood friends to lovers plot too) we really need to see why our heroine is fixated on this man; why is he better than all her other options, why did she originally fall and then remain in love with them for all these years, and why should we want him to realise his own feelings? Crucially what is so special about him?

As Colin hasn't yet been fleshed out, really at all, we don't know why he is this great love for Penelope and why we should root for him to fall in love with her in turn. So Penelope's pining for him comes across as less understandable and more 'I don't get what you see in him but okay'. And that's bad, especially for a show which wants you to go feral over their central couple; fewer members of the audience falling in love with the lead means fewer people understanding Penelope maintaining this crush (especially when its detrimental to her future) which means fewer people rooting for the main couple.

5.2 Colin’s character dissonance: this is kind of a show don’t tell issue but we keep being told all these things about Colin’s character, instead of seeing examples of this behavior ourselves, and on top of that what we are told doesn’t match with what we are shown.

Violet tells Colin he’s ’always putting others first’ but we have never seen this in 2 1/2 seasons of this show. Colin has left to travel in every off season, a very self centred action focused solely on what he wants to do and not what others may want. We’ve seen Benedict put people first more than Colin (being the shoulder for Eloise, helping her out in ballrooms, being Anthony’s second for his duel and his sounding board with Sharma issues) so that character assessment feels untrue.

Violet also calls Colin her ‘most sensitive child’ but we have not one scene of Colin showing this sensitive side. There’s no scene of him comforting Daphne about her failed season or Anthony about his problem with the Sharmas; no moment showing him helping out anyone outlet out of the kindness of his heart, or reacting to another’s pain or worry or problems so again this feels like Violet is describing a totally different character.

Penelope says Colin’s eyes are more beautiful ‘when you’re being kind’ but we haven’t seen Colin be overly kind to anyone. He told Marina in S1 he would have still married her if she had told him of her pregnancy, but this is stated when he’s angry so he’s probably not feeling or looking very kind right then, and it isn’t him actually doing this action, it’s just him claiming what he would have done. When he’s goes to visit Marina in S2 his actions come off more desperate and clingy than anything close to kind. If you argue that his tutoring if Penelope is kind, it’s actually self serving as he offered to do this to atone for him being decidedly not kind at the end of last season. He’s helping her out but he offered this to make up for hurting her before so I don’t think you can view this as a selfless act.

When he reveals Jacks scheme in S2 and demands he pay back money while preserving the Featherington Ladies good name he is undoubtably doing a good act but ‘kind’ isn’t the way he’s portrayed: he’s shown as decisive, protective, angry, courageous, bold, etc.. all very good things but still not that ‘kind’ Penelope talks about.

The last time Colin did something entirely kind may have been Season 1 asking Penelope to dance after Cressida ruined her dress. If that's it, that's very little to go on and a very long time ago.

It feels like people are trying to tell us that Colin is a good guy, without showing us moments where he actually is good. It comes off as clunky and doesn’t match the character we have seen, so these claims have little impact on our assessment of him as a person and as a lead.

5.3 Colins Writing; Stop trying to make Colin's Great Writing happen. Its not going to happen.

At least not when the only snippet you give us is basically porn.

I haven't read the books but I've heard that Colins writing snippet that Penelope finds, while starting as porn, eventually turns into a rumination on how unfulfilled and alone these actions make Colin feel and how he feels lost. That would have been an amazing moment to have in the show, giving us honesty and a secret from the romantic lead and adding depth to Colins actions (which are a little jarring to watch while we actively want him to be falling for Penelope).

If Colin is this great writer then have him writing more. In the back of conversations at breakfast, have him reading his travel journals or scribbling in a notebook. In the hot air balloon scene have Colin seek out an adventure novelist to talk about his experiences. Maybe he gets a letter from Sir Phillip asking about his travels since they enjoyed speaking so much last season, and Colin sends long and detailed responses people joke are like novels (also great for future seasons).

Right now it feels like window dressing and a throw away comment that he's 'an incredibly talented writer' and doesn't match what we've seen of him.

(Side note: it is objectively hilarious that Penelope reads one page of smut about a naked woman the author is sleeping with, then later describes this page of writing as 'incredible' while claiming she 'would love to read more'. You sure you're 100% interested in Colin there Penelope...?)

5.4 How is Colin a Tragic Hero?: This figure always works best for romatic stories and all other Bridgerton Seasons have followed the formula. Simon had a negligent and abusive father and no good examples of marriage or family, Anthony had traumatically had his beloved father die in front of him and been parentified at a young age, and George had the weight of the crown destroying his mental health. All of these leads had a demon they were wrestling with and it gave them intrigue and interest.

Colin has no demons; at least none we've been made aware of.

There's a vague allusion (from Eloise, Lady Whistedown and Violet) that Colin is in some way 'putting on a front' this season. What would have been amazing for the audience would have been a scene or two showing Colin struggling to fit in (in his family, in the Ton, etc) and him feeling alone or isolated because of it. Maybe traveling was his attempt to have interesting stories to tell, or something to distinguish himself with but upon his return (Season 2) no one had an interest in listening and groaned when he tried to share his stories, and so he turned to writing them down instead and decided to shut himself off from trying to relate to everyone as 'himself' and instead to become 'The Traveler' character and pretend so he can fit in.

This would not only give Colin a Secret or a Demon that he needed to work through, but offer us (the audience) a way in which he would be able to understand and support Penelope; another person feeling isolated and unheard who turned to writing to express themself.

While there are the bones of a great love story here the little work put in to flesh out Colin as an individual, giving us no idea of what experiences made him and what he is currently grappling with, means the audience doesn't have much to go on when Penelope professes to love him. Who is this man, as descriptions of him don't match his actions and those actions he does have are both seemingly self serving (travel) and not fully fleshed out (writing); and both annoyingly happen largely off screen. And as the current structure pits Penelope as likely the one needing to beg forgiveness by the end of the season, while we entered it expecting Colin to begging for her forgiveness, their current relationship doesn't feel as salifying or as earned as we could have hoped.

Here's to Part 2 doing some very heavy lifting.

[perfectlyripeclementine]

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

[fiftypiercings]

I can't believe I decided to read orv on a whim because I just wanted a good manhwa with no romance subplot and here I am knees deep into the novel questioning my whole life because whatever these mfs have got going on is much more nastier and visceral than any romance.

[muffinlovingbirb]

Tales of Dungeons and Starvation

[akwardlydifficult]

I want to draw. I want to paint. I want to sew. I want to quilt. I want to program. I want write. I want to decorate. I want to converse. I want to love. I want to make art. I want everything that humanity can give me. I want to swallow the world whole. I want to love.

[sleepyagent]

If this aint homo, idk what is.

[stevebabey]

Steve hates to ask this of Eddie.

Really, it’s a last resort sort of thing. Robin’s gone for the week, some trip upstate with her family. And it’s fine, they’re close but Steve’s a big boy. He can handle a week without his best friend.

But, well, it’s just unfortunate for it to creep up on Steve when Robin’s gone. It being… shit, how did Robin explain it? She was so much better at keeping track of all those things than he was, all the terms filed away nicely in her head to be recalled as needed. Steve’s much messier— in his head, in his life.

Touch aversion, that’s what she called it. A by-product of the severe lack of touch in his childhood she had said; not enough hugs, hand holding, the works and now Steve’s grown to find it too strange. Something prickles under his skin, pulls in his gut all the wrong way, when someone’s too touchy-feely with him. Robin’s said it’s normal, and he believes her.

It just makes it harder when this comes by. That completely strange backward want that carves into his chest, creating a chasm that just aches. Suddenly, Steve wants to be touched, needs to be touched — like something behind his ribs is just begging for comfort in the form of touch, any way he can have it. Like some young part of him can still remember the hunger he had for it and it comes back in full force, a tender wound between his lungs.

It doesn’t happen that often — though, it’s more frequent than ever recently — but usually, Robin’s here. She can almost always tell before Steve works up the courage to ask. Twitchy fingers give him away. He hovers closer than normal, shoulders brushing more often.

She always gives him a smile, softer than her usual snark and says, “C’mere, dingus.” and stands on her tip-toes to envelope him in a hug. Steve can’t help but sink into it, gripping her close around the waist for as long as he needs until the hole in his chest feels a step closer to patching up.

Robin also tells him he can have as many hugs as he’d like but Steve is firm with himself; he only needs one, then he’ll be back to fine.

It what’s he needs now. One really fucking good hug. Still, he hates to ask, least of all from Eddie, because, well— okay, Steve has no reason to assume Eddie wouldn’t give him a hug.

He’s seen Eddie’s hugs before. Like everything he does, Eddie puts his everything into it- he hugs Robin til she wheezes, loves to lift Nancy off the ground, and the hug he gives Dustin is sweetest of all, a hand on the back of the littler’s head while he does some strange little sway. Dustin always laughs, playfully shoving him away by the end but Steve knows he loves them, that it helps in more than one way.

Steve is glad that Dustin has someone, besides his Mom of course, who can hug him, because Steve can’t give that to him. Maybe one day, but for now, hugs from Steve are a rarity — few and far in between. Maybe, he thinks, he doesn’t want to ask Eddie specifically because of that niggling feeling that comes up around Eddie, all gooey and soft. A feeling the swings too close to a crush that Steve has no fucking clue what to do about.

So, he hates to ask. Really. On the drive over to Eddie’s, a hangout organised before Steve started to feel the lack of touch creep in, he runs through any other options. Wait til Robin gets back? Steve’s not sure he’ll make it another 4 days. When left alone, it seems to consume him and make everything harder, everything heavier to deal with.

He’s still tossing it when he climbs the steps to Eddie’s trailer. Steve decides that he’ll see how it goes, see if there’s an opening to ask…semi-naturally or something. He’s not gonna spring it on the guy.

Eddie is wonderful company as always, devilish grins and god-awful comments about the film he picked. Steve feeds off it, drinking in the infectious energy. He tries to let it be enough; their shoulders pressed together, Eddie’s knee knocking his when he laughs, the way Eddie leans into his space to whisper even though it’s just them here tonight. Steve wants it to be enough. But even then, he can see the way his hands twitch in his lap, desperate for more.

Steve closes his eyes. Curls his hands up so tightly his nails bite into the skin. He tries to use it to wane off the feeling, the ache that sings out for Eddie beside him and it nearly works. Until—

“Steve? Y’okay?” Eddie’s voice pipes up, making Steve open his eyes in an instant.

“Hm?” Steve hums, hoping that his casualness will be enough for Eddie to skip over his peculiar behaviour. He blinks, tilting his head just a bit to show he was confused why Eddie was asking.

Eddie chuckles lightly, gesturing towards Steve’s lap, where his hands sit still clenched, white knuckled with his self-restraint. “You seem a bit stiff, that’s all.” Eddie rechecks. “You good?”

Steve opens his mouth and then closes it, forcing his hands to unclench in his lap. “I-“ he begins, then stops, unsure of what he was going to say. He did say he would look for an opening tonight. The way Eddie’s regarding him, open faced with his concern, is as good as he might get.

“This might sound a bit weird,” Steve starts, defensiveness already tingeing the words, his shoulders curling in just a bit. Eddie could say no. He’s allowed to say no. Steve really doesn’t want him to. “Like, if you think it’s weird, that’s totally fine and we can just, like, forget I said anything and—”

“Steve.” Eddie cuts him off, a linger of an amused smile on his lips. “I don’t think I’m going to find anything you say weird, sweetheart. Shoot. What’s on your mind? What troubles the great mind of Steve Harrington?”

God, it’s like a whole bunch of words designed to set Steve’s head spinning. ‘The great mind of Steve Harrington’ makes him want to scoff. ‘Sweetheart’ makes him want to swoon. He can’t decide which one he wants to do more.

“Can I-” Steve stammers, the words halting automatically. It’s too much of a habit to swallow them down. Coercing them out takes more work. He stares up at the ceiling as he grits his teeth, releases a harsh sigh, pulling himself together. “Can I… have a hug?”

There a moment of silence and Steve holds his breath.

“Oh,” Eddie breathes, and Steve takes his eyes off the ceiling to see just what that Oh means. Eddie’s smiling, a soft one gracing his pretty mouth, and Steve thinks, maybe, one day he’ll have the courage to ask for a kiss as well. Relief moves sluggishly through his veins— Eddie’s smiling, this is good.

“Well, of course,” Eddie grins widely and opens his arms, inviting Steve in. Steve hesitates for only a moment before he leans in gratefully, his arms tucking around Eddie’s midriff tightly. Eddie’s arms curl around Steve’s neck, pulling him in close. It’s the easiest thing in the world, sinking into it, so much that Steve tries his best not to immediately slump against Eddie. It feels a bit too pathetic, so Steve reels himself in. He can’t make his arms relax, trying too hard to take only what he needs and not a moment more.

“C’mon, Stevie.” Eddie’s voice teases beside his ear, his breath warm. “You call that a hug?”

He squeezes Steve a little tighter, pulling him even closer and Steve can’t help the way he melts into it— he slumps, leaning against Eddie properly and burying his quiet whine of relief into the juncture between Eddie's neck and shoulder.

“There we go,” Eddie murmurs comfortingly.

Eddie takes him wholly, gives a damn good Munson hug, all warmth and comfort. He smells like, well, Eddie — a lingering scent of weed, something musky, something Eddie. His arms around Steve’s neck shuffle and Steve worries he’s trying to pull away so soon, only for one of his hands to tangle in the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck. He combs through, light fingernails scratching at Steve’s scalp and shit, Steve really can’t control the noise of contentment that slips out his throat.

“Can’t believe you got so worked up just to ask for a hug,” Eddie tsks, tone coloured in disbelief. Steve makes a noise of protest, trying for a moment to wind it all back in but, like Eddie can sense it, he’s squeezing him tighter again. He begins to rock them, a soft sway side to side that lets Steve lean on him even more. He hums a tune Steve doesn’t know, low and soft.

“M’sorry,” Steve mumbles in reply, though he’s not entirely sure what he’s apologising for. For having to ask, for taking so much, for enjoying Eddie’s arms around him just a little too much.

“What the fuck for?” Eddie laughs lightly, one of his hands beginning to drum against the divots of Steve’s spin. It feels like he’s tapping pure delirium with each fingertip, shivers that make Steve’s chest glow terribly warm. It feels good, so good to be held and honestly, Steve could stay here all night if Eddie let him. Knowing Eddie, he would, because he’s that fucking nice.

That knowledge alone forces Steve to sit himself up, extracting him limbs even though so much of him mourns the warmth, the touch, that goes with it. He wants the touch but he’s had enough. Some scorned part of him burns bitterly to think Eddie would give him more just to be nice. Steve doesn’t want that— Steve wants Eddie to touch him because he wants to.

“Sorry, man, I just, uh, get like that sometimes.” Steve feels the need to explain, bringing a hand up to rub at one of his eyes. He does it half so can hide his embarrassed expression from Eddie— who’s looking at him so gently and still so so close.

“Just, aha—“ Christ, it wasn’t this awkward telling Robin. Steve’s hand moves to rub the back of his neck. “Sometimes I realise it’s been awhile since,” He gnaws on his bottom lip, something alike to humiliation curling in his gut. “Since I’ve had some touch. Usually, Robin’s around but y’know.”

He waves a hand, huffing another awkward laugh. Eddie hasn’t moved much, just listening intently, his brows ever so slightly inching closer together. He looks outright concerned at Steve’s next words.

“It’s okay, I’ve— I’ll be good now.” Steve nods along, like the motion will help him convince himself as well as Eddie. He’ll be okay now. Usually, one hug is all it takes. He ignores the surging tidal-wave want that is still going, still aching to be held by Eddie again. It would be selfish to ask for more. Eddie didn’t invite him around to hug— it’s weird, and Steve shouldn’t- can’t ask for more.

“Sooooo,” Eddie draws out the word, an impish smile beginning to play at the corners of his lips. He opens his arms wide again. “You don’t want another hug?”

In his lap, Steve’s fingers twitch. Eddie’s eyes dart to them for a second, before fixing back on Steve. He does, he really fucking does want another hug. He can’t. He’s had enough, really, it would greedy to have more.

Steve shakes his head, forces himself to huff another laugh that accidentally comes out as a strained sigh. He smiles weakly, “No, no, I’m good, dude. It’s… I’m okay, swear.”

For a moment, Steve thinks he’s convinced him. Eddie studies his face, his mischief slipping away as he deliberates Steve’s words. His eyes narrow, arms dropping just an inch before he smiles brightly and says, “Okay, can I have a hug then?”

Which, okay, right, Steve didn’t think of that. People don’t ask him for hugs. He blinks, a bit dumbly. Eddie is waiting, face eager and for a second there’s an expression of almost smugness on his face — like he’s about to get exactly what he wants. Because he knows Steve would never be rude and say no.

“I mean,” Steve breathes, voice a bit tighter than he’s expecting. He clears his throat. “Yeah, yeah, you can have a hug.”

“Great!” Eddie replies and he wastes no time. He’s all up in Steve’s space, arms around Steve’s waist this time. The motion takes Steve by surprise, enough that because he’s not expecting it Eddie’s weight pushes him back so he’s lying on the couch.

If Eddie cares, he pays no mind, his head curling up into the crook of Steve’s neck as he hugs him closer. His hair gets in Steve’s mouth, making him splutter for a second, but Eddie just grins, wriggling closer until they’re pressed firmly against each other. Steve would go as far as to say this is closer to cuddling than a hug, with Eddie squishing him from above, his arms around Steve’s middle.

“Just so you know,” Eddie’s voice rumbles from where their chests are touching, his breath sweeping across Steve’s neck. Steve shivers without meaning to, feels Eddie’s responding grin even as he continues. “All hugs requested by me are automatically 10 minutes long. Hope you’re okay with that, sweetheart.”

Steve isn’t stupid — he knows Eddie is doing it for him, doing it because he could see right through Steve’s stupid facade, had peered his yawning hunger for touch right in the face and hadn’t blanched. Instead of feeling tricked or fooled, Steve just feels…warm. Comfortable. He works his arms around Eddie’s neck til their more comfortable and find the courage in him scrape his fingers through Eddie’s hair— like he had done to Steve. Eddie’s sighs sweetly and Steve thinks he could listen to that noise forever.

“I’m… I’m okay with that.” Steve murmurs lowly, yet he knows Eddie can hear him. Eddie noses closer, a borderline nuzzle against his neck, and further down, one his hands starts to stroke softly up and down Steve’s ribs.

Steve can’t help the way it makes him freeze, the breath in his lungs holding tight as he tries to relax, tries to ignore the prickly feeling under his skin. It’s a lot. A lot of touch that Steve just isn’t used to just yet, even if he desperately craves it.

“Relax,” Eddie whispers into his skin, a soft instruction paired with the motion, one soothing stroke up and down his ribs. Steve pushes the breath in his lungs out, forces the tension out of his body, trusts that Eddie wouldn’t be offering— wouldn’t tell him to relax if he wasn’t allowed to.

“That’s it.” Eddie praises, feeling the body beneath him settle and sink a little lower into the couch. “Now, watch the movie.” Eddie instructs, jutting at the still playing screen with his chin. Steve laughs a bit, but obeys, turning his head to see what part they’d gotten up to. They’d missed a big chunk in their hug. Steve nearly apologises for it, the words on the tip of his tongue, before he decides Eddie might smack him for it.

So, he doesn’t. He watches the film, let’s the gentle touch of Eddie on his skin relax him til sleepiness starts to fill each of his limbs, heavy like lead. Eddie’s hand stops moving eventually, when his breath gets heavier, lulled by Steve’s scratch in his hair. A snore starts up, loud and quite frankly, annoying, and yet, Steve finds that with Eddie’s arms around him, he has no trouble finding sleep.

It’s the first time in years Steve’s fallen asleep in someone else’s arms. And even if he doesn't know it yet, it’s certainly not the last.

now with a part two!

[slothxio]

fuck romeo and juliet, i want what these bitches have

[surftrips]

SHAPESHIFT | CLARISSE LA RUE

pairing: clarisse la rue x female!reader

summary: clarisse wonders if you know just how much she likes you.

word count: 2.1k

author's note: this is the first part of a two part series i'm writing based on jenna doe's songs: shapeshift + pink slips. this is from clarisse's pov and the second one is from readers' :) lmk if you want to be tagged in part 2 <3

i. i think you have a type, and it's not me

Clarisse has been watching you from the second you arrived at camp. Since you spent every day doing more or less the same thing, she was able to pick up on your routine pretty fast. Two sugars in your coffee every morning. A walk around the lake in the afternoon. Archery practice before the sunset. 

She felt weird going to practices at the same time as you, but she couldn’t help herself. Whenever she got a chance to sneak away from her siblings in the Ares cabin, she always found herself back in your presence. However, the thought to approach you like a normal person had never crossed her mind. Clarisse is the kind of person that needs to be in control, and talking to you one-on-one would mean letting her inhibitions take over, so she always made sure to keep her distance. 

Once or twice, Clarisse had seen you on dates with another camper. At first, she thought you were just having a picnic with the girl from Aphrodite, until the two of you began holding hands. The next day, Clarisse saw you in the other girl’s sweater, which made her so sick she avoided you for an entire week.

The Aphrodite girl (her name, Clarisse later found out, was Stacy) began showing up with you more often. Stacy wore bows in her hair and pearl necklaces, whereas Clarisse’s mascara was always smudged and accessories that didn’t double as weapons felt wrong on her. For the first time, Clarisse wondered why she couldn’t just be like all the other girls. Or at least, a girl you would pay attention to. 

It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Clarisse tried to make her penchant for you as obvious as possible, while actively hiding it from the rest of camp. This proved to be difficult because at the same time, she also didn’t want to get too close to you because, well— what would she even say to you?

Her flirting consisted of winking at you during Capture the Flag or from across the dining hall. She had an ongoing list of nicknames of what to call you when no one else was around, but those moments were few and far between. Once, she even went as far as brushing away a stray piece of hair that had fallen on your face. There seemed to be nothing left for her to do except put bows in her hair or maybe paint her nails, and the thought of doing either of those things made her almost as sick as seeing you and Stacy together. 

Between her and the Aphrodite girl, she knew which girl you would choose. Had chosen. 

ii. mold me how you want me to be

Still, that was not going to stop Clarisse. She had never backed down from a fight before, and this was no different. Even if Stacy didn’t know it, she had become Clarisse’s number one enemy, even more so than that Percy Jackson kid that had recently shown up at camp. It just wasn’t fair that she had been watching you for so long and here comes Aphrodite’s daughter out of nowhere to sweep you off your feet. 

Since Clarisse knew your routine by heart, she devised a plan to get you alone. She decided that she would finally make a move, and then you could pick for yourself who you wanted to be with. Easy enough, right?

At night, Clarisse lay awake in bed thinking about you, Stacy, then you and Stacy together. Though she didn’t want to go there, her brain wondered what the two of you were doing at that very moment. Her thoughts ranged from tame, to slightly more unhinged. Like, were you lying underneath the stars on your picnic blanket? Or was Stacy doing your makeup as she straddled your lap?

Clarisse didn’t pray often, but ever since she met you, she had taken to silently wishing you would acknowledge her. Each time she saw you with your arms wrapped around Stacy, she yearned to know what that would feel like. Not that she thought you would come near her with a ten-foot pole. Stacy is sweet, like bubblegum or strawberries from the fields, and Clarisse is the opposite. If you tasted her, she might make your gums bleed.

Before you, she was never the kind of girl to care about her appearance. Gods, she was the daughter of Ares, they weren’t known for their beauty but their strength and power and when it came to those categories, Clarisse knew that she had Stacy beat. 

And yet, Clarisse would change just about anything about herself if it would make you like her more. In your hands, she would turn into putty, moldable clay to take the shape of your ideal lover. Hell, she would change her name if she thought you didn’t like the sound of it.

iii. kill anyone if you ask me to 

A few weeks later, the Ares cabin and yours happened to be on the same team for Capture the Flag. It was the closest Clarisse had been to you ever since you began dating Stacy. The proximity to you was killing her, but she had to stay focused—on winning the game and your heart.

Putting aside her wandering thoughts, Clarisse barked out instructions to the campers. When she got to your cabin, she assigned you and your half-siblings to be the second line of defense for the flag. Clarisse figured this way, she could keep you out of harm’s way. Also, this was her one chance to talk to you without Stacy hanging off your body and she wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass. 

After the first conch blew, Clarisse went on high-alert mode. Her team had lost the last game to Luke and Annabeth’s team, but she was not going to accept defeat this time. Her eyes darted back and forth between blind spots in the forest and you and the flag. 

As she absent-mindedly waved her new spear around, Clarisse heard soft footsteps behind her. She whipped her head around with her weapon aimed in the air, preparing to fight whoever had approached her. 

“Shit, Y/N, you scared me.” It was just you. Wait– it was you.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to,” you responded, your hands in front of you.

Clarisse almost couldn’t believe her eyes. Did someone poison her earlier and she was hallucinating right now? Okay, keep it cool.

“Is something wrong?” Clarisse managed to ask after composing herself, realizing that you had moved away from your post. 

“Uh, no. I- um… heard about what happened to your spear last week, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” you smiled nervously. 

“Why?”

“Why…. am I sorry?”

Clarisse wanted to slap her hand across her forehead. Why did she say that? She meant to ask why are you talking to me right now? What did I do to deserve this? But she didn’t know how to word that in a way that wouldn't make you think she was crazy. 

When she didn’t respond, you began backing away. “Look, I’m sorry if this is a sensitive topic. I just felt bad, is all.”

“No!” Clarisse began panicking. “I didn’t mean it like that- just, why are you talking to me now? We’ve never had a real conversation before.” 

“Does it matter?” She expected you to be confused, but the look at your face seemed more amused than anything. 

“No, I guess not,” Clarisse couldn’t help but smile. Gods, why was she so awkward? Anyone else, she would’ve been perfectly fine, but in the last few minutes, her mouth had gone dry and her legs felt as though they would give out at any second.

“Great,” you beamed in return. Clarisse’s eyes catch yours and the two of you stare at each other in content for a minute. Or at least, you are. Clarisse is convinced an Aphrodite kid has changed her pupils to hearts. “I haven’t seen you around lately,” you broke the silence. 

“What do you mean? I’m always around,” Clarisse stammered for an excuse. 

“Well, sure. It’s a small camp.” You seemed to be enjoying seeing Clarisse fumble for words. “But I used to see you all the time. At breakfast and archery.” 

Clarisse ignored the implications of your comment. “Oh, I guess we just started going at different times then. You know you’re always with Stacy now—” 

At the mention of your girlfriend’s name, your face contorted into something strange and unfamiliar to Clarisse. But before she could figure it out, a noise behind you caused the two of you to turn around abruptly. 

“Y/N, watch out!” Clarisse shouted at you, but it was too late. Someone had dragged you backwards, knocking your weapon out of your hand. You struggled to free yourself, but whoever was holding you had revealed a dagger and you didn’t want to risk accidentally cutting yourself. 

“If you know what’s best for yourself, let her go.” Clarisse breathed furiously, pausing between the last three words in her sentence. You couldn’t see who was restraining you, but you could feel their heart rate quicken at the sight of Clarisse’s spear getting dangerously close. 

“And what if I don’t?” they responded. You knew that they were just putting on a front, you could feel their chest heaving up and down on your back. Clarisse seemed to know this too, she’s always been able to sense fear in people— mostly because she is the one that invokes it. 

“I don’t think you want to find out,” she grinned, a wicked smile on her face. The next second, her spear had jabbed into the camper’s side, causing them to let go of their hold on you. You dropped to the ground. 

“Shit!” the camper swore, rubbing their ribcage. “You’re not supposed to actually hurt me!” You could see their face now, one of Hermes' kids you’ve seen hanging around Luke. 

“Now, what’s the fun in that?” Clarisse laughed. “Besides, the spearhead is blunt. You’ll be fine, drama queen.” 

The kid scrambled away, leaving behind the dagger they had previously threatened you with. Clarisse ran over, instinctively putting her hands on your face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.” You began to stand up, but Clarisse pushed you back down. 

“Clar, come on, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure? Let me just get a look at you,” she insisted, ignoring the way your nickname for her made something in her stomach flip over. You relented, knowing it was useless to argue with her. You allow her to scan your body for any signs of harm. Clarisse took her time, unsure of when the next time she would be this close to you again. Most of your body was covered by your armor or clothes, so her eyes drifted toward your exposed arms and the area where the kid had touched you. 

Hesitantly, she reached for the side of your stomach. “Are you sore? Did they leave a mark?” 

“No, I don’t think so,” you shook your head, lifting up the hem of your shirt to see. You heard Clarisse’s breath hitch. “What? What’s wrong?” You were fully sat up now. 

“N-nothing!” Color rushed into Clarisse’s cheeks, causing her to turn her head away suddenly. 

You giggled, her reaction not going unnoticed. “Thanks for saving me, tough girl.” 

“Of course.” Clarisse pulled you up on your feet. “Anything for you, pretty girl.” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could register it. The two of you stared at each other again, it seemed as though eye contact was your main form of communication at the moment. And right now, Clarisse’s eyes were sparkling with something familiar, almost like how Stacy looks at you—

“Oh my god, babe! Are you okay?” Speaking of the devil, Clarisse rolled her eyes at the sight of your girlfriend running up. 

“Stacy! How’d you know something was wrong?” You were pulled into a stifling hug, the air thick with floral perfume. 

“Silly girl, I am the daughter of Aphrodite. I have a heightened sense for these things,” Stacy pulled her arms away and gave you a once-over, presumably to check for injuries, before smothering you with kisses. 

Clarisse coughed, once, and then again a little louder. “Oh!” Stacy turned toward her. “Clarisse, I didn’t see you there.” 

“I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for her,” you said, sensing Clarisse’s uneasiness. 

Now, Stacy’s face contorted into something strange. Shamelessly, Clarisse took pride in being the cause of it. 

“Well, thank you,” she responded tersely. “Come on, let’s get one of the Apollo kids to look at you.” Stacy pushed you away before you could protest. You offered Clarisse a weak smile before turning around. 

Clarisse sighed, maybe if she had been a daughter of Aphrodite, she could shapeshift into someone you walked away with— not from.

That night, she prayed to Ares for the first time in months.

[aerequets]

trying to erase the trace of...

[arcanegifs]

PVRIS  — "Oil and Water"

"If you give me your cold shoulders I'll bravе the storm and keep my arms wide open We're oil and water, it's true But I still fall into you"

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

[crystallizsch]

okay hi so listen hear me out

sea snake is a bit too obvious (and too boring)

so i made him based on some kind of lionfish??? (bc something something venomous marine animal) also with a LOT of creative liberties i made with how the fish looks like

let’s also give his fins some rips and tears here and there bc what are the implications of that??? that’s for you 🫵 to decide

anyways chat i lowkey dont know what i was doing

i had no other thoughts but haha funny snake man i turn into fish

[0livdocx]

This line is a proof that Erik’s helmet is technically his mental chastity belt which prevents his mind from having Charlesex:

[noturbutchboy]

Mfs be like “you’re cute” okay rail me then ?

[not-your-pretty-girl]

Oh noo please don't send me a photo of you wearing your new strap.

That would be really bad.......👀