#where i wake up at 4 am and get hit with the best ideas and go 'write that down write that down' and then go back to sleep

[elemental-daddy-neos]

My only flaw is that I never actually finish a story that I'm writing, but still want to post the best and juciest bits of writing I have managed to produce for immediate validation

[ididdedurmom]

More evil head cannons

I have silly ideas about the gang after the event of the story, everyone lives, except Bob

PONY:

Has a thousand yard stare when he zones out

Has the loudest, most disgusting, mucus filled cough ever

Actually really good at drawing

Has drawn every member of the gang at least twice

Loves physical touch, he leans on his friends when their sitting next to him.

Actually screams during horror movies, like loud genuine screams

Loves play fighting with Darry, like full on wrestling

Steve taught him how to drive

He either walks like a ghost or stomps, there is no in between

He can play one song on the guitar, and that’s it

His legs are super strong, so his kicks hurt really bad

He would be better at track, but his smoking habits hold him back

He feels jealous of Soda and Darry because they had more time with their parents

He and Darry have matching reading glasses

SODA:

He says “I’m just a girl” anytime he gets in trouble

He has used his pretty privilege to get out of being arrested multiple times

Despite how handsome he knows he is, he still feels super insecure about his looks

He steals from the DX station constantly

He and Steve spend hours gossiping about their customers once both of their shifts are over

A dog bit him when he was a kid, now he’s deathly afraid of them

He loves physical affection, hugging him is the best way to cheer him up

Absolute candy addict

Candy is the #1 item he steals from the DX

He broke his dominant hand once, and now his handwriting is permanently ruined

He reads insanely slow and monotone when he reads out loud

He either sleeps like a rock, or wakes up from the slightest sound, there is no in between

He lives in his flannel, that thing hasn’t been washed in literal years

He suffers from middle child syndrome, he knows his brothers love him, but they don’t pay enough attention to him

DARRY:

He hates his jobs, he knows he has to go but he can’t stand them

All of his coworkers are old and they treat him like a child (which he’s kind of okay with in a way)

He loves watching cartoons but he feels like he’d be wasting his time

He sneezes like a dad

He wakes up at 4 am and works out immediately

Loves compliments and words of affection

Doing favors is his love language

He has the whitest legs ever, he’s all tan on the top and snow white on the bottom

His tan ends where his pants start

Small bits of his hair are grey, he doesn’t know

He has a fear of abandonment

He is insanely flexible for a man of his size, like he can touch the floor standing up with ease

He hit a dog with his car once and cried for 2 hours straight

He loves cuddling on the couch with his brothers, it helps him relax

He despises Curly Shepard, he’s civil with Tim, but he HATES Curly

When he comes home from his ski trips with his old friends, he actually looks his age

A woman once assumed he was Pony’s father, and it made him die inside a little

He can’t stand Mother and Fathers Day

He was mad at Steve when he found out he taught Pony how to drive

TWO-BIT:

He and Dally bond by harassing women

He has a box full of things he’s stolen

His slight alcoholism stems from his father

He let’s his sister paint his nails, and he shows them off proudly

He gets his nails painted before rumbles

He watches soap operas with his mother every night

He can play the trumpet

He has never purchased a pack of cigarettes, only stolen

He listens to metal

When he passes Johnny’s house, he has to actively stop himself from walking in and beating Johnny’s parents half to death, especially his father

Its not that he doesn’t want a job, I mean he doesn’t, it’s that he thinks he’d only mess up whenever they had him do

He constantly forgets to brush his teeth

Pop and beer are the only things he drinks, he doesn’t touch water

He religiously wears Mickey Mouse merch, you will never catch him in a plain shirt

Baby Pony and him got along really well, he was kinda like Pony’s goofy cousin

Two-Bit and Darry have been friends since they were little kids

Two has no plans for his future, and it weighs on him

He broke both of his elbows once

His teachers have kinda given up on him, they just treat him like a bother instead of a student

STEVE:

He messes up Pony’s hair every chance he gets

He uses the most hair grease out of everyone

He has had the same comb for 3 years

He constantly smells like oil

The underside of his nails are always black, no matter how much he washes his hands

He and Soda have matching scars from a shared failed attempt to climb a barb wired fence

He is terrified of the police

He and Soda make your mom jokes at each other, despite neither of them having mothers

His voice is scarily deep when he wakes up

He and Two-Bit have an inside joke no one in the gang understands

He, Soda, and Two-Bit all have matching stick and poke tattoos

He hates his father, and by extension the fathers of Johnny and Two-Bit

He and Dally don’t hang out much, but when they do they are absolute menaces

Dally and him steal cars and hub caps together

He is genuinely upset by the size of his nose

JOHNNY:

He’s dyslexic

His handwriting is atrocious

His best subject is math

He and the gang all picked out stickers to put on his crutches

He loves sleeping around his friends

His hands are rough

He can’t stand the smell of beer, unless it’s one of the gang

He and Curly hate each other for literally no reason

Pony has slowly been teaching him to read better

No matter how much grease he puts in his hair, it won’t stay back

He hates going out in public because people always look at him funny

He hates looking at his burn scars

He, Dally, and Ponyboy watch sunsets together

He either sleeps at the Cutis’s house, Two-Bit’s house, Steve’s (very rarely), or Dallas’s place.

He’s not allowed to sleep in the lot anymore

He has tons of freckles, you just can’t see them against his skin

He loves sleeping outside when he wants to

He never wants children, he’s to scared he’ll become his father

His pain tolerance is so high that sometimes he won’t even notice when he gets injured

He likes how defensive Dallas is of him, makes him feel confident

He smokes marijuana with Dally sometimes, he’s super anxious when they do though because he doesn’t want to get arrested

DALLY:

He will not talk about his feelings

The cops forced him to go to therapy, it didn’t fix anything

He is amazing at lying

The police know him by name

He hasn’t told the gang much about the past other than where he came from and that he doesn’t talk to his folks

Darry nicknamed him “Rat”

He actually feels bad when Darry yells at him

He gets sun burns very quickly

He has his own personal stench

He doesn’t want Johnny to end up like him

He cried for 3 hours straight when he found out Johnny was still alive, it is his most embarrassing moment

He chugs drinks insanely fast

He can’t read very well

He needs glasses but he thinks he’d look like a wimp if he had any

Even though he knows he could have an asthma attack from coughing to hard, he still doesn’t carry his inhaler

He was happy when he thought he was going to die

Then he woke up and had an epiphany about life, it didn’t do to much, but now he knows death isn’t the only option

He proudly shows off the burn marks on his arm

He loves pushing Johnny around in his wheelchair

He listens to outlaw music and Frank Sinatra

He loves horror movies

He toned down his bad behavior once he got out of the hospital, he’s still a dick though

That’s it or whatever. I hope you like them, I’m sorry if some of them don’t make sense. I’m just so silly. I apologize for my horrible grammar lol. Feel free to tell me some of your head cannons!! :D

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.

Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.

Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.

I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.

Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.

All in all, great episode.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.

The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)

As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.

"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:

Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.

The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.

I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.

Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.

I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10 

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.

Yes I cried. I'm a sap.

The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.

All Wandee

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[vincentscrumpet]

Kiss it better.

Kayce Dutton X Reader

Warnings: Smut with some plot 

You and Kayce had been helping out on the ranch all day. You fall off a horse he takes care of you 😏

.

.

you wake up around 4:30 in the morning and start getting ready for another long day of working on the ranch with kayce. He was still sleeping peacefully on your shared bed after you had already gotten ready. 

“Kayce” you lean down to whisper in his ear. “Wake up, we have work to do” 

He stirs but still doesn’t wake up. 

“Kayce for fucks sake!” You say stifling back a laugh

He opens his eyes and then pulls you down into the bed with him once again. You just laugh and kiss him on the cheek.

“We have to go soon, the bosses son can’t be late.” You joke

“You know damn well that that means I can in fact be late. “

“Fine we can lay here for 10 more minutes. “ You give in 

He laughs and pulls you closer to him so you’re face to face. You are silent and you gaze into each others eyes for a minute and before you know it you both drift back off to sleep. 

. 

. 

 You wake up at 7:30 to the sound of kayce’s phone buzzing. 

“God damn it Kayce we fell back to sleep!!!” You yell 

“What time is it?” He asks sitting up in the bed. 

“7:35 Kayce. “ 

“Oh shit.” 

.

You make your way to the ranch and find John and Rip watching the ranch hands try to break the new colts.

“Well, Look who decided to get his lazy ass out of bed.” John says to Kayce. 

“We were up late last night…” Kayce trails off 

John just chuckles and says “Get to work.” 

You and kayce start working on the horses trying to break them, which is going fine until you get bucked off and hit your head on the fence. 

“Goddamn it Y/n are you okay?” Kayce asks as he jumps off his horse. 

You roll over and try to stand up but fall down again. When you look up Kayce is standing over you with a concerned look in his eyes. 

“Dad I’m gonna take her to get her head checked.” Kayce sighs 

“Alright.” John says and you guys were off to the hospital. 

.

.

When you arrive at the hospital Kayce won’t let you get out of the truck yourself so he helps you out then picks you up and carries you into the waiting room. 

“I can walk you know, it’s probably just a concussion.” You complain 

“Shhh. Let me take care of you.” 

“Wowwww.” You reply

You don’t wait for long because of Kayce’s name, so the doctor stitches your head up and checks you for a concussion, then sends you on your way. 

After Kayce misses the turn to go back to the ranch you ask

“Where are we going?” 

“Home, you don’t need to be working anymore today. You have a concussion.” He says with a slightly worried look in his eye

“I am fine kayce it’s a minor concussion he said I would be completely fine in a couple of days.” You plead with him.

“It’s fine, they don’t really need our help right now anyway. It was just convenient for them.” 

“Fine,” you give up.

He just smiles as you guys pull into your drive way. He won this time, next time will be a different story. 

He helps you out of the truck and to the door.  When you make it to the house he takes you straight to bed and tells you to rest while he makes you guys some dinner. 

“Here you go baby eat something.” He says as he puts a tray down in front of you with some of your favorite foods. 

“Thank you.” you reply as you dig in.

After dinner Kayce cleans up, then comes and puts a movie on for you guys. 

“Feeling any better sweetheart?” He asks.

“Yeah much better.” you say 

Just then an idea came to you. So you turn on your side and begin to unbuckle Kayces belt. 

“Hey now, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asks with a laugh 

“Well you’ve been taking care of me all day so I figured I would return the favor...” You trail off. 

“Y/n you need to rest.” Kayce states 

“It’s fine it was just a minor concussion.. Please Kayce I’m horny!” you say putting on your best fuck me eyes. 

“Goddammit Y/n.” He groans as he gently straddles you. 

He starts kissing you, quickly moving down to your jaw and lingering there for a minute. As he enjoys the noises you make. You start unbuttoning his shirt revealing his pretty chest and all of his tattoos. 

“God you’re so hot.” you whine 

This eggs him on and he practically rips your shirt off and starts kissing his way down your body until he reaches the top of your jeans. 

“Are you sure you feel good enough to be doing this?” Kayce asks sincerely 

“Yes Kayce if anything it will make me feel better.” 

that's all it took for him, to take your pants off as well, no surprise to him you weren’t wearing panties. 

He tsks “Hmmm we’re feeling naughty today huh princess?” 

You just laugh as he begins to eat you out. He starts out slow and teasing ( he knows this pisses you off) licking everywhere but your clit, making you a whiny mess. 

“No teasing please I need you!” you groan 

He just smiles and goes back to his work. This time grazing your clit every once in a while, frustrating the shit out of you. You finally take matters into your own hands and start to grind down onto his face. 

He adds a finger into the mix which really drives you nuts. God he really knows how to get you going 

“Fucking hell Kayce, you feel so good.” your hands find their way down to his hair and start to pull. 

This makes him groan against your aching cunt. 

“You're such a good girl taking it so well.” Kayce praises

That throws you over the edge, your orgasm crashes over you as you pull his pretty blonde hair. However he doesn't stop, he keeps going until you're crying from the overstimulation. 

“Give me one more I know you can do it.” He teases 

You agree and he goes right back to it. It takes no time for it to build this time. In about thirty seconds you find yourself coming on his face for the third time that night.

You were absolutely spent, but you were by no means complaining. 

“That was so good holy shit.” you say exhausted 

Kayce comes up to kiss you. Then, pulls you into his chest and says 

“Get some rest sweetheart.” 

[thegodmother007]

My New Neighbor Chapter 3: A Bad Day...A VERY Bad Day

TRIGGER WARNING: This story will eventually contain violence, angst, threat of death, swearing, dark humor, adult themes like sex & drugs, racism, classism, sexism etc. Do not say you have not been warned

Chapter 3: A Bad Day…A VERY Bad Day

It was a Saturday morning, one of the rare few I wasn’t passed out drunk for, from the night prior. Fridays are always one of the best days for tips. People get paid on Fridays, have money to burn & I am happy to be what they use to flaunt their paycheck. It is not uncommon for me to have a couple shots throughout my shift to get patrons to spend a bit more & to see a few more dollars in the tip jar. Between hosting games like Bar Dice, flirting with the ladies seated at my bar, taking drink orders, cashing people out and handling the 1-2 Karens I see a night, I could easily pound 4-5 drinks back before my shift is ½ over. Last night though, I was spared the hussle of running up & down my bar to serve people. There was a concert in town which I assumed was most people’s Friday night plans, so not much foot traffic was seen in Cruster’s last night. 

Waking up, I could feel my liver thanking me for the break it probably needed & I laughed at the idea. I made a mental note to focus on drinking only water today as I stretched out my tired limbs. While standing out of bed, I could hear shuffling, pounding, and enormous footsteps on the other side of the wall of my apartment. I could feel the rush of adrenaline hit me as I suspected that I might have a new neighbor moving in. I rushed out of my room, wearing only my boxers, pressing my ear against the door that led into the giant apartment I was attached to. Listening in, it was clear that someone was moving into that unit. I could hear boxes of dishes being set onto tables, instructions on where to place items & wheels of dollies squeaking past my door as they carried furniture whose enormity I couldn’t even fathom. I stood there, unsure of what I needed to do, or should do. Parameters of the Integration Housing Program, dictate that Unit Partners must meet each other within 72 hours of a move in. Seeing as I have had no Unit Partner until now, I have not made efforts in meeting anyone. Hell, the only reason I spoke to Brax was because his bratty kid almost damaged my car. Besides that, I have kept to myself since moving here. Now I was expected to introduce myself? I did not anticipate this happening so soon, it has only been a couple of weeks. I ran my fingers through my morning bed head as I contemplated what I should do. I went to my kitchen’s junk drawer & fished out the contract I signed to re-read the policies surrounding the Integration Housing Program, hoping I remembered this rule, wrong. “The resident who is moved into his/her apartment first is tasked with introducing themselves, within 72-hours, to the resident who moves into the adjacent unit afterwards.” Fuck. I was required to make the first move, otherwise I risk a fee being tacked onto my monthly rent. I stuffed the paperwork away and paced my kitchen, thinking about what things I might have in common with the guy moving in. 

“I like cars, music, sports, the outdoors…what guy doesn’t like at least one of those things?” I thought to myself. I recalled my conversation with Brax & how I unintentionally made myself look meek & pathetic while talking to him. Thankfully, Brax did not mention my demeanor, but I am sure he noticed. Who wouldn’t be shaken up after almost being grabbed by a giant child? But I promised myself not to act like that again & be prepared for what possible situations I might find myself in, with the new tennent. I would not be caught off guard again if I could help it. After thinking it through a few times, my pacing finally stopped and I was able to focus on the most important thing on my mind this morning: Pancakes. I needed pancakes & bacon to start off this rare Saturday morning & I refused to allow the new Unit Partner to get in the way of being awake & having breakfast before noon. 

I took this Saturday to just relax & unwind, especially since tonight was kind of a big night for me. This Cruster’s location I was working at, finally agreed to let me play in the corner of the bar area tonight as live entertainment. I made sure I packed the lists of songs I planned on playing, I tuned my guitar & replaced a few strings just to make sure nothing goes wrong. Before I knew it, it was 7:00pm and I was in my car, on my way to my first show in Epherton. All I could hope for were generous tips and positive feedback from the location’s owner, who might let me play again in the future. As I pulled up to this Dale & Cruster’s, I eyed the integrated parking lot where Humans were at the top of these huge standing tables, much like you’d see in a cocktail lounge, where the giants placed their drinks. I was happy for them that they were comfortable enough to venture into the integrated part of the restaurant chain, but as for me, I was not. Thankfully, I worked in the Humans-only section of the restaurant, something I was not keen on changing if asked. Luckily, my manager at the last Dale & Cruster’s I worked at let this management team know that I was not cut out for integrated service, but thrived in human service where I could get closer to patrons, making the bar more money. No questions were asked after that, to my relief and no one has approached me about it. Before I entered the bar area, I noticed there were some jumbotron TV’s in the giant-area, broadcasting the spot I was supposed to play in the bar. All that was on screen though, was an empty barstool and a spotlight shining on it. I did not realize the owner of this franchise was that excited about me playing, but quickly reminded myself he was probably more excited for the money. The longer people stay to watch my performance, the more money they spend on food & drinks. Didn’t matter to me though, I was happy to play regardless of the excuse to keep having me back. 

After taking some time to set up my guitar & microphone, I introduced myself to the few customers who were watching, the rest focused on their drinks. I smiled and waved to the camera that was live broadcasting my performance to the TV’s in the giant-area. I started with my own rendition of ‘Tennessee Whiskey’, being sure to make Chris Stapleton proud with my riffing. This caught the attention of some more diners as I moved onto ‘Sweet Child O’Mine’ by Guns N’ Roses & ‘All Along the WatchTower’ by Jimi Hendrix. By the time I wrapped up my 5th or 6th song, I had almost all the diners singing along to what I was playing. A few older couples even got up to dance when I played ‘Stand by Me.’ 

Over the course of the 2 hours I played, I made about $50 in tips, which was not too shabby considering that’s about $25 an hour for doing something I loved. I finished up the evening with ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel, but switched the lyrics to “Guitar man” instead of “Piano man”, which got a few chuckles here and there. Unfortunately though, two diners of the place did not seem to like my change of lyrics & started booing me. I didn’t acknowledge them at first, opting to just keep going, as my years of being a bartender taught me to ignore the drunk idiots. But my performance was interrupted when an empty fries basket was tossed at the stage, hitting me in my playing hand, bringing the song to an unceremonious end. The basket was made of metal for easy dishwashing, so it hurt a bit. I stood up, grasping my hand that was now in pain, looking at the two drunkards who were causing issues. I looked to the bouncer who I have come to know as Jordan, give me a questioning look and I pointed to the two morons who interrupted my show. “Get these two out of here!” I yelled, as they cursed at me for “Changing an already perfect song.” Jordan, with the help of a few beefier servers, grabbed the two troublemakers and dragged them out. All the while, they cursed at the bouncer & the servers who were escorting them out. I could see the group they were with & the people around them were unhappy with the fact the show ended prematurely, booing the two as they were shamelessly dragged out like unruly toddlers. I sheepishly say into the microphone “Can’t win ‘em all, right?” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood “It was a pleasure playing for you tonight, I hope to be back again soon. You were an awesome crowd, thank you for the opportunity!” I got a few people applauding my performance, but the vibe was definitely killed when those two goons decided to ruin everything. As I packed my equipment up, I spoke to a few stragglers who pushed tips into my guitar case and thanked me for a great show, apologizing on behalf of the two assailants from earlier. It was nice to feel appreciated for the performance and I thanked them for listening. 

After I wrapped up my show, I got a free drink from the Manager who I chopped it up with as the closing staff did their end-of-night tasks like wiping salt & pepper shakers, cleaning tables & sweeping the floor After my drink, I left the bar about 20 min after closing time with my guitar case in-hand & satchel around my shoulder. I was standing by my car looking for the right key fob to open my car when out of nowhere, I felt a strong arm put me in a headlock, prompting me to drop my keys & guitar case. My hands immediately began to claw at the arm in an attempt to free my neck, when in the struggle, I heard a familiar voice address me. “Shouldn’t play publicly if you can’t take a little criticism, lad.” It was the skinner of the two brutes who threw the fries basket at me. I can only assume the taller, stronger one of the two was the one holding me in place. I spat through gritted teeth “It was just a song” I said with not too much breath behind it. The man who held me said back “And we were just having a bit of fun, but you decided to have us kicked out, embarrassing us in front of our crew. That was some pussy ass shit” I choked on the pressure he had on my throat, and I noticed the squeeze he added to the word “embarrassed” as it closed my throat completely for a moment. The skinner one walks around as he addresses me “Rather than having your juiced up guard dog kick us out, you ought to be man enough to do it yourself if you couldn’t take a little bit of teasing.” I had just enough slack on the guy’s arm who held me that I could breathe, but barely, making talking difficult. “Two against one isn’t handling it like a man, don’t you think?” I said as my face grew red and my struggles to breathe were overlooked. “It was 4 against 2 earlier, we’re just playing by the rules. Robbie, take him to the back” the skinny one instructs the stronger one. I start thrashing & kicking, trying to get away from these two. My throat was being pushed on, so yelling for help was not happening for me. In my fight to break free, I did not feel the earth shaking steps that approached us three, taking the skinny one by surprise. 

In the midst of struggling for freedom, I heard a scream behind us that faded away, as if the person it was emitting from was whisked away suddenly. Robbie, the man who held me in place with the head lock, looks up towards where his friend just went. “Donnie!” he yelled, letting me go, leaving me to fall to the ground. I gasped for air as I ran my hand around my neck, feeling the compressions left on my neck as blood flowed back into my veins. My vision had started going dark as they dragged me away & the rush of blood to my head, made me dizzy. I sat on the cold concrete ground trying to regain my composure when my attention was quickly caught by the commanding voice I heard overhead. I damn near shit myself hearing the voice ring out, reverberating throughout my body. “And what exactly are you two doing?” asked the 80 ft giantess whose boots stood planted firmly on both sides of us. Robbie backed up, to make eye contact with the giant woman who now held his friend’s shirt in her fist, as he dangled from the loose fabric. “None of your fucking business, giant!” Robbie boldly yelled. I slowly craned my sore neck up to see the giantess standing there, dangling Donnie from his shirt. A lump quickly formed in my throat that I tried to swallow, unsure of the giantess’ intentions. The giantess slowly crouched down, her knees hitting the pavement with a force that could have crushed any one of us had we been unlucky enough to be in the spot her knee landed. 

Without saying anything, a hand as large as my car, reaches down toward Robbie and flicks him in the chest, sending him flying about 6ft. I watched him hit the ground with a breathless thud, all the wind having been knocked out of him. I looked back up at the giantess who watches Robbie with a scowl as he struggles to catch a full breath from the impact. “I would watch your fucking mouth because next time I might not be so gentle.” The sound of Robbie trying to regain his breath was a sound that was difficult to listen to, no matter the circumstances. All I could think about was the pain of being hit in the chest by a giant & imagining myself in his shoes. Robbie finally catches a breath after a few moments & gasps for as much air as his lungs will allow. All Robbie does, as he holds himself on all fours, is look up at the giantess who is still dangling Donnie from the shirt fabric. For the entire exchange Donnie has been kicking the air, which isn’t helping him in the slightest. If I didn't know any better, the giantess was enjoying this suffering. “Put me down! We weren’t doing anything!” Donnie cries. I watched the giantess chuckle, like she was told a bad joke. I felt ice crawling up my neck while my body broke out into goosebumps. “Didn’t look like that to me. Looked like you were about to rob this guy for everything he is worth in that alley over there.” She did not need to point to where she was talking about for the two assailants to know what she was referring to. Silence filled everyone’s ears, which was all the confirmation this giantess needed. She lowers Donnie, dropping him the last 4-5ft, watching him crumple on himself once he hits the ground. “Get the fuck out of here” the woman overhead commands in a hostile tone, a tone I am glad I was not on the receiving end of. Donnie and Robbie pick themselves up from the concrete parking lot, stammering in their attempt at running the opposite direction the giantess came from. I watched the only two other Humans leave the property, which made my heart stop as I realized I was now alone with this giantess.

I sat on the ground, now facing this giantess who almost killed two guys in front of me. I started backing up to increase the space between us, not quite able to bring myself to stand as she loomed over me in a kneeling position. I wasn't sure what she wanted, why she approached us in the first place, or why she helped, but for my own safety I can't assume anything positive. I watched her watch the men leave and once they had, she could hear my shuffling to get away and her attention snapped towards me. Watching her eyes pierce through me, like a flaying knife was bad enough, but knowing this gaze comes from a giant made it all the more panic-inducing. It was clear to her right away that I was freaked out, so she offered a small smile. “No no, don't worry, you’re not next, or anything .” She said with upturned palms, trying to calm my obvious panic. “I saw those two guys come up behind you & ambush you. I recognized you from the live entertainment from tonight and figured you’d like some help. Were those the two guys who were taken out of the restaurant?” 

I could hardly hear her address me, let alone comprehend what question she just asked me. Ringing. All I could hear was ringing in my ears, like I was in shock. I just continued to stare at her, ready for when my legs decide they will work for me. She had long brownish reddish hair, easily spilling past her mid-back. Her eyes were a dark brown, almond shape, almost like a cat. Her cheekbones were pronounced and skin a light olive, her build was athletic. She was no petite giantess that was for sure. She was sturdy with thick arms and forearms. She adorned a choker necklace with a black shirt that had an unfamiliar band on it. She had multiple piercings in both ears & a wrist wrapped in a leather cuff. Her boots were combat-like, the kind you’d see at a grunge concert & jeans a light blue skinny. “Hey, you okay?” She asked as her hand descended upon me, which snapped me out of my train of thought. I scrambled to my feet, putting my hands up to stop her “Yes! Yes! I am okay!” I say trying to sound like I wasn't shaken to my core. Slowly, her hand retracts and I can feel my legs wobbling. She stares at me, unsure of the Human who she just saved or what to do next. “Um..” I say looking around for my things, picking up my satchel and guitar case that fell off my person during the fight. “S-sorry. I’ll just get out of your way, here…” I say as I pull my satchel over my head to hang off my shoulders. I grab my guitar case by the handle and turn on my heel to get as much distance between her & I as possible. I did not want anything to do with the giantess who looked too eager handling a couple human men so roughly & I was not trying to be the third. 

“Hold on for a second!” She calls out to me. I was not sure if I should stop, or keep going to my car. I did not have my keys in my hand, I spot them on the ground by my driver's side door about 30 ft away. I stop, stiff as a board and slowly turn to see her leaning in. I was immediately feeling like my personal space was being encroached on & felt the urge to run, but neglected the instinct. “What!?” I asked frustrated, feeling overwhelmed by everything in that one moment. I could feel my whole night crashing in on me at once. The shame of being booed at, the embarrassment of having a basket tossed at you, the fear of almost being mugged & then shock of being saved by some vigilante giantess who thought she was helping when really, she was fraying my nerves even more than anything else tonight. I watched her face fall into shock & offense as I snapped at her like that. I’ll be honest, I was surprised at my own behavior & audacity as well, when I let that word fall out of my mouth. I watch her angry eyes narrowing on my puny form in front of her; One I am reminded could be crushed at any moment given the slightest form of will. I swallowed the lump in my throat as she said “Nevermind. Fuck me for helping you, I guess.” 

I did not want to deal with this. Another giant who had the typical savior complex looking for a heartfelt thank you from the underling who cowers at her feet, thankful at the chance to be saved. I had enough of today already & felt my temper boiling over “Thanks for stepping but I did not ask for help. I had the situation under control.” I say dusting my clothes off, desperate for something to do with my hands. I watch her cross her arms, detailing the definition she has in them. “Yea, it really looked like you had things under control there. I could tell by the way the bigger guy kept you in a chokehold.” She raised a snarky eyebrow at her dismantling of my statement. “Someone would have stepped in, you didn't need to involve yourself.” I snapped back in my defense. She cocked her head, confused “Someone did step in. I stepped in. Do you mean a Human would have probably stepped in, instead?” I was trying to quickly think of something else to say when I was cut off “That’s what I thought. Look, no one else was around, I saw an issue & helped. Would a ‘thank you’ kill you?” That was my que to leave, but not before giving her a piece of my mind “Well thank you very much Miss Savior Complex, I am honored to have been graced by your presence & assistance.” I said with an exaggerated bow, like I was some performing monkey. I watched her face fall into one not of anger, but disappointment. Disappointed that she didn't get her ego fed, no doubt. I turned and walked away, eager to go the fuck to sleep & forget today. As I opened my car door, I could feel & hear her standing once again, looking over at me shaking her head “Fuck you, dude.” She said with balled fists, as she turned and walked away with heavy footsteps. 

I just watched her walk away until she was out of sight before I sat in my car, locked my door & drove home in silence.

Previous ||| Next

[itsaleiah]

ROMANCING MR HALF-DEVIL | Vergil X Original Character

CHAPTER TWO: Traces Of The Future, Alessa

SUMMARY: Alessa Vera is a dreamer. She’s dreamt of many things to come for many times, believing that all of it is just a one big nightmare… but what if it isn’t?

"They're in danger, daddy I saw it!"

"What are you talking about Alessa?”

Alessa Vera was a dreamer.

She knew that when she was born, she was going to follow her mother's footsteps to stardom. She had no idea of the true life of her father, the true history of their family.

She had dreams of extravagance, of the future, of her future self.

She imagined herself on the stage, performing exactly like her mother, selling out millions of records and making people happy. Its what she ever wanted, to make other feel positive.

For little Alessa, helping others was the best thing a person could ever do. Little did she know, she had abilities that would exactly allow her to help, just not in the way that she expected.

But one day, things changed. Her dreams went from falling to a tunnel to... weird and realistic if you put it in simple context.

It was a nightmare, a regular dream and a paralysis demon all at once.

It first happened when she was 4, before she and her older brother met Sparda and his family. She remembered falling asleep to one of her father's tales of hunting down demons, a habit that they do even now.

She could feel her body surrendering to her restless dreams as her eyes fluttered shut. A few minutes later Alessa grumbled, having been woken up not even an hour in her sleep. She was ready to hit Hector when suddenly, she realized that she wasn't in her room nor her home.

Her heart started beating fast, not used to the unfamiliar surroundings. Where am I?

"Hector, Mom, Dad?" She opened the door and called out through the halls, afraid of what may await her in this place.

It took a few minutes without her family's response that she finally started walking around the place, though lightly, as to not alert what could probably be monsters around. As she wandered around, she realized just how massive the place is. It wasn't a house, it was a castle! And she was all alone... Maybe Daddy thought that we should have a family trip and they didn't bother to tell me? (How weird.. Hector would probably do something to make me cry or wake me up if that were the case.) The castle was very beautiful, the tapestries and designs were placed intricately - though the aura was lonely, making her wonder who or if anybody ever lived here. Little Alessa would have probably enjoyed it and even thrived in being there if it wasn't so.. Grim.

It felt so real, as if she was actually in there. And maybe she was? She couldn't tell anymore. The first thing she did was explore the castle. Nobody was there anyway and who would dare hurt her? Her father's the most powerful human in the world! Just one strand being misplaced would result in the evil demons getting their butts kicked!

As she turned a corner, she noticed a blade sticking out on the wall. It has lightning thingies in it. A part of her, the rebellious part of her, wanted to touch it but fortunately enough, the sensible part in the four year old's mind won, remembering her mother's scolding: "Don't touch things that aren't yours, Li!"

Leaving the sword behind, little Alessa walked around humming her mother's favorite tune, strolling as if she owned the place. When she finally got comfortable in the lonely halls of the palace, someone.. or something started crawling on top of her.

At first she didn't notice it until one of its webs fell in her hair. The young girl slowly looked up to see what it was and saw the monstrous creature looking up at her with malice and full intent on doing something to her.

She froze in her place, scared. As if moving was going to trigger the spider's cruel thoughts. But if she didn't do anything, it would get her either way - easier.

Run.

She felt her feet move on their accord, instantly doing everything to get away from that horrifying creature.

"Daddy, help me!" The poor girl cried out. The thing

being so cruel as to tease the little girl around the hallways. At first it would follow behind - and then it would climb up to look at her to frighten and terrify the girl even further - and then it would stop, approaching slowly and still keeping up to show that if it had gotten bored, it would have gotten the girl easily.

Alessa could feel the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes, wishing that she'd have been crying over her brother's teasings, or father's stories, or mother's scolding. It had been chasing her around and no matter what she did, she couldn't run from it. Where are you daddy? you said you would protect me!

Her eyes widened when she saw a red door just around the corner. This is my time to escape!

The young girl ran as if her life depended on it - maybe it does, its still unclear whether or not it is a dream after all, only to bump into a young girl and falling. "Ow!"

"Alessa.. Please.. Save me.."

Suddenly a group of marionettes blocked her way, leaving her no chance to escape or save the young girl.

...

When she had woken up, she was screaming and crying. Her father immediately burst to her room, followed by her brother and mother.

"Alessa! Dear God.. what happened?" Her father looked so worried.. so tired that she almost felt bad for waking him up. She looked at him with fear, having a hard time breathing. "Okay.. Its okay, baby..try to breathe, okay? You're here with us now." Her father rubbed her back gently and slowly as to help her calm down.

"What happened, Li? Are you okay?" Her mother sat on the edge of her bed, her hands massaging her left leg to help easen up the little girl's panic. "Love, can you tell me what you dreamt of that scared you this much?" His father asked calmly and she nodded - her eyes still wide. "I.." She remembered it all too well, like it did happen to her, like she was there but she couldn't speak, as if something was keeping her. She couldn't let it out, like it was being restricted.

"I..."

"A-"

"Alessa?"

"S-"

"Spiders. A castle. Serah."

The last name - she didn't know who, came out of her mouth.

"Serah?" Her brother asked, leaning in to get closer to his sister, placing his hand on her forehead to check if her temperature was normal. "She's burning up, ma."

Their mother nodded before turning to her husband with a mean glare, the husband unaware and a tad bit scared as to why she was looking at her like that. "What?"

"Did you tell her one of your many tales again before she went to sleep?" His eyes widened and turned to look at his son instead, giving his wife the answer she needed. She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "You scared her in her sleep!"

Safe to say, she was afraid of spiders and heights after that.

After that, she had many more dreams - sometimes it was confusing, sometimes it made sense but whenever she'd try to explain it only small bits come out. The dreams never made sense and it scared her. It frequented her life so much that it resulted in her older brother to sleep in the same room as her to keep watch, and when she finally told a tale about how she once saw herself getting forced to marry one of Mundus' devil generals did her parents finally realize that something was wrong, and that they needed to seek help for the poor child's peace of mind.

"A dreamer. That's what she is." The man in front of her said, he looked Victorian, out of place. Like he didn't belong in this current era or timeline.

The Devil Sparda was his name, she heard her father call him. A supposed character from one of her father's bedtime stories for her right in front of her, alive and breathing.

And he was.. Being nice to her surprisingly.

He had two kids as well: Dante and Vergil

"You, little Alessa, is a special little thing." He smiled and Alessa couldn't help but only blink. Special. It was a word that she always heard, be it her father or mother telling her that she was their special little girl to her tutor complimenting her with her ability to pick up easily on anything. But this.. hearing that word come from The Devil Sparda, the one who changed it all and saved humanity - it truly made her believe, she was special.

“Here, a necklace. To lessen the dreams that could break your heart..” A pendant with a golden star, it was beautiful, a gift from Sparda, a necklace forged by her ancestors! So her dreams wouldn’t be as horrible.. and yet..

This time, she didn't dream about any of that. Instead, she dreamt of a house. No, it wasn't just a normal house. It was a familiar one, one she had been in before. She was sure that if she was awake then she'd recognize it!

The house was burning. And.. her father was there. With a white-haired boy... Dante.. Where's Vergil? Where's Auntie Eva?

"Psst."

"Alessa."

"Alessa!"

Bonk!

That woke the little girl up. "Ow! What the hell Hector?!"

Hector shrugged, throwing the pillow out of Alessa's reach so she couldn't use it against him. "You wouldn't wake."

She rolled her eyes and sat up. "What time is it even? You do know that I have school tomorrow, correct?" She irritably asked, rubbing her eyes to stop her sleepiness.

"Vergil's here. Dad brought him in a few hours ago."

"And Dante?"

"…”

"Your dreams, they were wrong."

"No - its not! It wasn't Vergil, it was Dante! It was Dante that I saw - “

"And its Vergil that Dad brought here, not Dante. Let it go Alessa, what matters is that Vergil is safe and here with us.” Hector cut her off and Alessa’s shoulder slumped. It couldn’t be true.. It didn’t matter to her who was safe or what, what she truly cared about is the three of them getting back alive, and they didn’t.

"How is he?" She asked, her voice soft and delicate like porcelain, as if one touch from her brother would break her and release the puddle of tears that she was holding back.

Hector shook his head and there was silence. The two of them didn’t know what to do or what to say. They were gone, Dante and Eva. And Vergil… God, how would he feel?

The footsteps grew closer and the two Vera siblings looked at each other immediately, a light bulb on the top of their heads. “Shh.” Hector signaled to Alessa as they slowly walked to their door. The door creaked a tad bit and Hector winced when hearing it.

She could not see much except Vergil’s white hair, always pushed back now reaching his shoulders damped with blood with her father’s coat covering his fragile body.

“Forgive me for what happened Vergil..” She heard her father say.

“You’ll be staying with us from now on, your father protected my family for the longest time so now its time to repay the favor.” Vergil did not reply but he did nod. What could he be thinking?

Their father opened the door for him and for a moment, he turned to the corner where the Vera siblings’ room resided in, and their eyes connected.

So much pain, so much suffering.

Alessa shuddered as Vergil looked away and entered the room, the two unaware that for a while, this would be the last time they’d see the white-haired boy.

“Vergil, its dinner time! Head on down so you could eat, your food will get cold!”

One.

“Verge, its been days since you’ve last eaten! You’re gonna get sick if you stay there! You should eat, kay? We’re waiting for you downstairs.”

Two.

“Verge, your food is outside your door, you can take it once I’m gone. Please eat, everyone’s getting worried.”

Three.

“Still no response?” Hector asked, leaning on Alessa’s bedroom door.

“Nope.”

“He’s still grieving, Aly. Maybe he’s not yet ready.”

“I know but..” She trailed off and Hector moved away to sit down on Alessa's bed and pats the other side to motion Alessa.

“What is it?” He asked and Alessa sighed. Fiddling with her fingers, she readjusted her sitting position and looked at her brother. “I.. I don’t know.. I just feel like he doesn’t like me.”

“Why?” Hector asked.

“I know it sounds silly but even before everything went down, he always seemed to avoid me.” She explained, looking down on the floor. The floorings must look really pretty from the way she stared at it.

“Have you.. ever talked to him about it?”

“I have. When me and..”

She gulped and grasped the necklace given to her by Sparda. Hector sensing the change of mood grabbed Alessa’s hand and held it.

“We were playing hide and seek.. And I found Vergil passed out. I woke him up and we spoke and I asked him why he wouldn’t play with me and.. you know.”

“And what did he say?”

“…”

He said nothing.

“He doesn’t hate you, Li.” Her older brother spoke softly, carefully placing a strand of Alessa’s hair by her ear.

“How can you be so sure?” She asked, a frown forming in her face. “I.. I just know.” He offered a comforting smile. “Just talk to him when he’s ready, Li.”

She couldn’t contain it anymore, the softness of her brother’s voice reminding her of what was lost.

“I miss them so much..” She cried out.

“I know, Aly. I know..”

“Its just so unfair.. Everything..”

“Shh…”

The first time Alessa saw Vergil out of his room was on a sunny afternoon, her classmates came to visit her, a common occurrence as the Vera Manor was practically a castle with how massive and extravagant it was. It was located in a town far from Redgrave City, the main attraction of the town. The town is welcoming to devil hunters as devils came to roam outside the gate, thus it became the main household for the Veras.

And her parents didn’t want her to go out. Ever since Vergil’s arrival, her father became strict, claiming that there might be danger outside their home. The four friends were playing by the backyard where there was a playground and there he was by the large balcony. He wasn’t particularly doing anything, only staring at Alessa and her friends. It wasn’t until her friend, Greta, pointed him out did she notice that the white-haired boy was upstairs and outside.

“Who’s that boy? He’s so handsome!” A friend of hers exclaimed.

“That’s my friend, Vergil. He’s here to stay since..” Oh.

“Since?”

“Since his family is overseas! They work in a boat.” She grinned awkwardly, hoping that they would believe her while trying to cover the sight of Vergil, he might feel uncomfortable if there are many eyes staring at him!

“Oh! Well I hope he comes down soon and play with us..” Alessa’s friend, Sunny spoke up suddenly, blush covering her cheeks. Alessa quirked her eyebrows and frowned, feeling s little irritated. Gee, what’s her issue?

She clapped her hands to bring her friends’ focus back on her, “Okay, okay, everyone shoo! We have a game to play!” And the other friends nodded, getting back to their places. But before starting, she looked back and smiled, waving at the boy, but he did nothing, instead he left causing her to frown.

The second time she saw him was when Vergil finally went down per her father’s request. She overheard her father speaking with him last night when she was supposed to steal one of Hector’s chocolates.

“Vergil!” Little Alessa smiled hopefully and waved to him but once again, he breaks her hopes when he went back inside, probably to the library.

“Its okay, Aly, he’ll come next time!”

The third time was her lucky chance. She had noticed a pattern—Vergil always came out onto the balcony around noon. This was it! She had even told her brother about her plan, ready to take action and finally speak with the boy her mind couldn’t resist thinking about. Her friends would get mad at her for ditching them again, but who cares? This was Vergil we’re talking about!

She twirled in front of the mirror, checking her reflection one last time. She was even wearing his favorite color—a blue dress that flowed as she moved.

Tiptoeing down the staircase, she kept her steps light and careful so the half-devil wouldn’t hear her approaching, her heart racing with anticipation. Her eyes glistened with happiness when she saw the balcony door was open, catching a glimpse of his white-hair that was now back up to its normal hairstyle outside. Gotcha! Her eyes sparkling with hope.

Peeking out from behind the curtains, he was sitting on the loveseat, focused in a book that she noticed that he had been reading even before what happened.. happened.

Alessa furrowed her brow slightly. Why does he stay out here? It’s hot as hell! she thought, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. The library’s much more comfortable!

But she shook off the thought. What mattered was that Vergil was here, right now. Now’s your chance, Aly!

“You come out here often,” she said with a grin, stepping out from behind the curtains. The sound of her voice made Vergil flinch, and he looked up, surprised.

“Oh. Alessa,” he said, his voice low and steady. The sound of her name on his lips sent a strange warmth through her, and for a moment, she stood frozen, her heart skipping a beat. It had been so long since she’d heard him speak.

She hovered in the doorway, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her dress. This is what I’ve been waiting for, so why am I just standing here?

“You should join your friends. They’re waiting for you,” Vergil murmured, his eyes flicking back to the pages of his book.

“And leave you behind? Don’t be silly, Vergil,” she said, taking a small step closer.

“Whatever pleases you, Aly,” he said softly, the nickname catching her off guard. He had never called her that before. Alessa blinked in surprise, then smiled.

“Can I…?” She gestured toward the empty spot beside him on the loveseat. Vergil paused for a moment, then gave a small nod, keeping his eyes on his book.

Alessa took a deep breath and sat down next to him, smoothing her dress nervously. She glanced sideways at him, searching for the right words. “How are you?” she asked, but he only nodded in response, not looking up.

Okay… she thought, biting her lip. The silence between them grew heavier, awkwardness creeping in. She shifted in her seat, wracking her brain for something to say. Why didn’t I ask Hector for tips beforehand?

“Your friends are… interesting,” Vergil said suddenly, breaking the silence. Alessa let out a laugh, relieved that he broke the tense air between them.

“You tell me! Sunny’s been begging to meet you, you know! She wouldn’t stop pestering me to bring you out, like you’re some kind of wild animal,” she said with a playful smirk. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the faintest hint of a smile tugging at Vergil’s lips. Her heart leapt. I made him smile!

I hope he never feels sad, the young girl thought. She could recall the days when he used to steal glances, thinking she didn’t notice—but she always did. Her eyes lingered in the same way his did, with a quiet yearning he never seemed to see. He was oblivious, lost in his own hesitations, while she was left wondering how to close the distance between them.

It hurt when he wouldn’t speak or play with her, leaving a space between them that felt impossible to cross. She told herself he was shy, but doubt crept in—did he even want to talk to her? The silence gnawed at her heart, and it was this uncertainty that led her to the conversation with her older brother.

“Just speak to him, Aly,” her brother had said, as if it were simple. “There’s no harm in it.”

No harm, she thought, except maybe to her heart. Easy for him to say, they were close friends!

…

What if he didn’t want to be friends with her after all? She longed to know him beyond the stolen glances, to break the quiet tension that seemed to bind them but keep them apart all the same.

“Verge…”

“Hm?” he replied, his attention still half on his book.

“Do you… hate me?” she asked, her voice quieter this time, her hands gripping the edge of her dress.

Vergil looked up, his gaze sharp and direct for the first time. “What makes you think that?”

“Well… you never really talk to me, and you ignore me a lot, so…”

“…”

So… is that a yes? You hate me?” she asked, her voice filled with playful frustration.

I like you.

“Now you’re the one who’s being silly,” he teased, a faint smile forming as he watched her puff her cheeks in that familiar, endearing way.

“Hey!” she huffed, crossing her arms. Her cheeks flushed with a mix of irritation and embarrassment. How could he be so annoying and so soft at the same time?

“I don’t hate you, Aly,” Vergil finally said, his voice quiet but steady. He closed the book in his lap, turning his full attention to her, something he rarely allowed himself to do - and if he did, he’d shy away immediately. But not now, not anymore.

His eyes met hers, and for once, he didn’t shy away. “I never could,” he added, his words laced with an honesty that made her breath catch for a moment.

Alessa’s annoyance faded, replaced by a quiet warmth. It wasn’t exactly what she had hoped to hear, but in his own way, Vergil was telling her something more, something he couldn’t quite say yet.

“I’m going to leave once I gain enough power.” he started, his voice taking on a serious tone. Alessa’s smile faded, and she turned to face him fully, her eyes wide.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s what Uncle and I agreed on. Once he believes I’m ready, he’ll train me and teach me how to control my power, and then I’ll leave this place.

“Where will you go?” she asked.

“….”

“What about you?” he continued, shifting the conversation. “From what I’ve heard, you’re attuned to magic. Just like your ancestors.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” she said without a care.

“So why not train? You could use that power to protect yourself, protect your loved ones.” He asked, his tone growing a bit defensive, and Alessa understood why.

But a part of believed that she could count on her family, she would always be protected so she didn’t need to put the pressure of training on herself.

“I… I want to be like my mom. Performing on stage, bringing joy to people, helping them escape their worries.”

“You don’t want to fight?”

“No,” she said firmly. “I never want to.”

“So, like Auntie… A singer?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope! I want to be an actress! I want to bring characters to life!” she said, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

Vergil’s lips curled into a small smile as Alessa, continued, “Oh, I know! Actresses usually have bodyguards to protect them. Since you’re training to get stronger, you could be my bodyguard!” he said, a playful glint in his eyes.

“I’ll be the shining star, and you’ll be my sworn protector!” Alessa’s face lit up, and she giggled.

And for the first time since the incident, Vergil Sparda was happy.

“I like the sound of that.”

[tgmsunmontue]

Tell me what to write weekend...

My weekend starts today so hit me up... (Still have Bingo fics and my very VERY old Glee WIPS - along with the whole being a responsible adult gig).

(More info on what the letters are about and instructions on how this works under the cut - most of you know how this goes...) (Hoping to post a chapter for the Hollywood AU tonight...)

NUMBERS:

Once Upon a Time in 1996 - IceMav TimeLoop (1 chapter left)

More than Movie Magic - Hangster Hollywood AU (4 chapters left)

CURRENT LETTERS:

A, B, C, D, E, F, H, I, K... Bingo #1, Bingo #2

A) Where do I know you from? There are too many Jakes and Bradleys for Jake and Bradley to be dealing with. (Tumblr idea unspooling here...)

B) Sagas of Solitude 2/? - IceMav with side Hangster AU - angsty Nepo!Baby Bradley Bradshaw who has to keep his relationship with Mav and Ice a secret when he starts at the USNA. Featuring married Ice and Mav (but not to each other). Prologue He Remembers and Lonely Nights are both set in this verse.

C) To wake, perchance to dream - Jake wakes up in the future, gets a glimpse of what their life could be and then wakes up back right before being called back to Top Gun for the special detachment (e.g. TGM). (Tumblr post and the beginning of the fic)

D) Together or not at all... (SEQUEL) - Hangster - years after Javy/Nat get together they think their best friends (Hangman and Rooster) could maybe try dating each other. It'll either end in disaster or not.

E) Cyclone/Maverick - Cyclone is struggling to deal with being attracted to the most annoying person he's ever met. Why does he like him so much?

F) Online and Anonymous - 1/16 Hangster who are anonymous Grindr buddies for YEARS, but then decide to meet. (Tumblr post)

H) Getting to know you from the beginning - an Ice/Mav epistolary fic where Jake and Bradley matchmake them, not realising exactly who it is they've matched together.

I) Life is too short to waste time matching socks... 2/? The peach and eggplant socks as an anonymous gift as an incredibly unsubtle hint that someone would like to fuck them. (tumblr idea unspooling here...)

K) Caring, Keeping and Collecting Transformers - A Guide - Transformers cross-over for help me @yeagrave is 110% to blame for me adding this... (related to this post) (Prologue)

BINGO - Hangster Ranch AU

BINGO - IceMav Florist/Undercover Agent AU

You pick 1-3 of the above and either:

reply

Message

Send an ask (Anon is on)

with the letters/Numbers of the fic/s you wish would hurry up and get finished/posted already. (Yes, you can pick the same one three times - some of these fics are that close to getting finished that would be enough to tip them over, you also don't have to pick more than one).

Numbers indicate fics I am consciously working on updating/completing, and likely have a completion date in mind.

Letters indicate fics that are often getting completed because people ask for me to work on them through things like this. (I usually do this every weekend).

Asterisks represent fics that are most likely soon to become numbered fics.

Doing this keeps me on task and makes me accountable. It stops me from procrastinating and I really appreciate people providing their numbers.

THANK YOU!

[decaffinatedfrog]

In his eyes PT 7

Joel Miller fanfic

_____________________________________________________

Tlou

Summary: When your sister and her husband died, your left in charge of your niece. What happens when you encounter a man and another teen on a quick supply run?

PT.1 PT.2 PT.3 PT.4 PT.5 PT.6

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It had been a while since you got a good rest. Usually you're the first person to be up and getting things going but your going through a tough moment. A few months ago you injured yourself after running away from clickers at night. It confirmed your suspicion that raiders had been in this town recently but you just weren't sure how close they were to you. The aches on your body were strong enough for you to groan as you stood up, but not loud enough to wake up Sarah, who was curled next to you. You made your way outside to get some air and enjoy the pretty show of stars. Lost in your thoughts, and in the show of stars, you still managed to hear Joel approach you.

"We're leaving tomorrow morning" he quietly said standing next to you. Your heart clenched at those words you knew were coming, but it felt nice to have someone there. The silence was loud, it was hurting you. "I've got some things you can take" was all you said before both of you walked back down.

Joel was double checking his pack when you walked over to him with the pack you made him. "Here" you said as you gave them to him. "It's a bit hard for us to carry all these things, I think you guys can make better use for it" you continued to explain.

"Thank you" he quietly mumbled. He graciously took the packs from you, making room in their backpacks to carry. Sitting next to him, you felt comfortable. No tension, no urge, just calm. "What's next for you?" he asked, breaking the silence. "I honestly do not know. I've been to a town over, found a place near a lake but I'm still a bit hurt and wont be able to travel far " you explained, playing with your fingers.

Joel's' mind instantly ran to the thought of him kicking you off of Ellie and hurting you. "How about you guys?" you asked back. He then told you about his brother in Wyoming and how they planned to get there. Joel thought about asking you to join them but he didn't even know where he was going to go exactly or what was next.

"Thank you for letting me rest. I've been scouting for the last couple weeks. Found raiders and clickers, both times I got hurt. I can't express how thankful I am for you guys sparing my life" you said quietly.

Watching you crawl to Sarah was one of the most horrific things he's seen in all his years. It hit too close to home. Is that what Tommy saw as he crawled to his Sarah? The cries you let out were worse than hearing someone get hurt.

Joel stayed quiet. He wasn't sure how to respond.

You said your good nights and fell asleep..

Next morning.

You stood at the doorway with Sarah, watching Joel and Ellie getting ready to walk away. Your heart felt a little empty, but it was for the best. Missing the touch of humanity. From the corner of your eye, you could see Sarah being fidgety, but she' probably feeling the same right now.

"Ellie invited us to go with them y/n' "Sarah, I don't think that's a good idea. "

"I hate it here. I hate this life we carry. Its unfair to me, all we do is sit in one place and then leave when we get too comfortable. If you don't want to go, ill go. Everyone we love died because you couldn't keep them safe. I don't want to be the next one to die because of you!" you gasped in horror of the words that came out of her mouth. Where did all of these words full of hatred come from? Your throat started to burn but you wouldn't let the tears fall. Joel looked away but Ellie watched it all unfold in front of her.

"don't you dare mention them to me. I have done nothing but kept you safe for all these years. Do you need me to remind you of what happened a couple days ago? You couldn't even run. You're not going and that's final!" you yelled back "You're not my mom. You don't get to make these choices for me anymore. How are you going to keep me alive with your bad knee and back? that's right, you wont. " said Sarah as she ran to get her stuff. You looked at Joel and Ellie.

Joel was scolding Ellie for inviting Sarah with them, but in a second Sarah was already next to them. She looked back at you with anger in her eyes but you didn't know what to do. "I won't be here if you come back, Sarah" you yelled to her as she walked away. It was all you could say. You were too hurt to say anything else.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N Hi everyone, thank you for reading! New chapter will be up 05-12-2023

[caluski]

happy 1 year anniversary to one of the best summer albums out there that ive ever known. thank you temples for creating exotico

to properly celebrate such a joyful occasion, i have decided to rank songs of the album from my least to most favorite with a tiny bit of absolutely useless commentary. lets get to it

16. Meet Your Maker.

i dont get this song. sorry!!! no fucking idea where they were going with the instrumental... its super strange. the ONLY skip on the album for me.

15. Giallo

it's okay honestly. well its fine, but nothing more than that for me. I dont exactly dislike it, chorus is just kind of strange. but in general it's not bad! just not something i feel anything in particular for.

14. Time is a Light

they tried something else with this one, but i am not sure w h a t were they going for exactly. chorus feels like an echo of gamma rays, but the rest is... well. but i do really like gamma rays so its not that bad. feels a little too long tho. what's up with the last minute feeling so... um, can this be over already?

13. Oval Stones

we're getting to the good ones!!!!! oval stones is really pleasant. i like how chill it is compared to most of the album.

12. Slow Days

again the chill one. actually i find it weird that its not the closer of the album. it would be a perfect closer! listening to it really slows you down (not in a bad way) so its strange to have oval stones + slow days followed by crystal hall. im not crazy about albums doing that, kind of throwing you off the rhythm... my perfect album order would be sorted in the way that wakes you up, and then calms you down by the end.

11. Head in the Clouds

okay, i do understand why it's after crystal hall - obvious interpolation going on there, down to the very same lyrics ("can you feel it coming down?") and i do LOVE preludes, interludes, whatever, transition tracks in albums, that is GREAT. but my issue is once again with the slow, slow, fast, slow pace again. if not slow days, i think that would also be the perfect closer.

10. Inner Space

i don't really have anything to say about this one. its good! i like it a lot! but for some reason, despite being like, in a bit of a calmer tempo, it makes me a little bit anxious. not in a bad way exactly, its just a good song for when im troubled about something.

9. Movements of Time

THIS SHOULDVE BEEN THE OPENING TRACK!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! its literally the PERFECT opening track for this album. its SETS UP the mood. HOW IS IT A CLOSER???? and i love the ... organ sound that they have going on in this one?? its really cool.

8. Crystal Hall

oh ohhhhh this is where it starts getting really hard to rank them.... Crystal hall is really good but also really short!!! why is it so short? under 3 minutes???

7. Gamma Rays

yeah i understand why this is the most popular. i mean i dont think its the best, but yeahhhhh.... its so good. literally perfect for "soaking up the rays"!!!!

6. Cicada

a big fan of so much reverb in this one. it especially makes the album so... summer specific, reverb is so summery! maybe because of how it makes everything sound like a song played on an open air music festival.

5. Liquid Air

if it couldn't be movements of time, i understand why liquid air made it as the opener. theres the anxious vibe going on again - which i do really like, in general im enjoying the theme of this album although im not really the lyrics kind of guy. and this one, its strange because its almost 6 minutes long, but it doesnt feel too long. or repetitive.

4. Fading Actor

ouuughhhhh this one is one of my absolute faves. it actually grew on me SO much, because at first i didnt pay any attention to it. but once i got it, it hit me sooooo hard, it remained on repeat for like MONTHS after summer ended.

3/2. Exotico + Sultry Air

i cannot i CANNOT judge them separately. in my heart they come together as one. and yet, they are two different tracks, which makes me love them even more. im really obsessed with the way it is composed, just absolutely amazing. the BRIDGE is especially the reason why i adore it so much. its SO good. and then theres sultry air!!!!! its the PERFECT postlude, like literally i think my favorite postlude in any album ever. like end credits to a movie. no notes!!!!!!

1. Afterlife

yeahhhhhhhhhh the only reason i even gave the album i listen in the first place. love at first sight!!!!!!!!! absolutely stunning. love the tension building up followed by the amazing bass... and okay i do have issues with the order of this album, but i do get why they put it by the end - its a truly perfect payoff even for the weaker parts of the album. best listened to on full volume... once had the joy of listening to it on a real good quality professional speaker set and my god. its like its MEANT to be blasted from the roof of a building. god i hate the fact that its produced by sean ono lennon. it had no right to be this fucking good.

[fandomandangstlover]

oh right ah've never spoken about this here

me hav... idea for mirrored actions au. am unsure if this will be canon but it's a neat idea & ah like it.

ah'll be putting them in reblogs btw because god i need to separate these because...it is. A Lot.

[×]

Mario has these...weird dreams after the lawsuit arc. they're rare, but they feel so real enough that he remembers them quite vividly.

they're of the mirror room in the castle. 4&3 are sitting against it, normally fast asleep & almost brain dead-looking, & their reflection...are that of their Old Designs, also asleep.

Mario, when first having these strange dreams, just...left the room alone. he left the room & just, went along his dream. sometimes he messes around in the room, trying to wake the Current Designs at the time of the SMGs but never seeming to be able to.

it was only when Mario started to hit & try to break the mirror was when he realized that the SMGs' reflection...was breathing, unlike their current selves. they're breathing & when Mario slammed himself against the Mirror he swears he saw the reflections stirr.

so after that, whenever he gets this. strange dreams again. he makes it his goal to wake the living Reflections of his Friend (he only tried to wake up 4's Reflection, he isn't sure of 3 just yet). & his dedication paid off.

the Old Design of 4 wakes. it took about three dreams to do so, but he woke. he's confused & disoriented & has no idea where he is but he's...awake. he turns & sees his current design...on the other side of the mirror. he has his back against it & he's. not him. that's his current design— why isn't he him? he remembers blacking out in the courtroom & briefly remembers everything after it but... he can't make out the details.

who was he?

he turns to his side & sees 3's Old Design, sitting on the same side as him. & he could see 3's Current Design on the other side of the mirror, too. he's asleep, too...like how OG!4 (new thing to call Old Design 4) was..

and— Mario? Mario's on the another side of the mirror— & he seems surprised? what was happening? why was he...? why?

OG!4 goes to wake OG!3 & Mario wakes up.

this was...when this kind of Dreams starts to become different.

when Mario has this Dream again, he slammed himself against the Mirror & OG!4&3 immediately woke up. Mario didn't think this would happen, so he- panicked a little.

OG!4 got up from his spot & went into the same direction of where Mario was, which was in the middle. he passed his hand against the Mirror & looked at the Avatar, his eyes wide as he tries his best to comprehend what's happening. OG!3 tries to call out, but he found that he couldn't hear himself. OG!4 seems to have heard him, though.

Mario slammed himself against the Mirror again & OG!4 flinched away, Mario is trying to reach for the OGs as though he felt compelled to get them out.

he's looking & they're staring, their thoughts confused & honestly it feels like they just woke up from a long long nap.

OG!4 passed his hand against the Mirror & Mario passed his hand against his, the glass being the only thing separating them. & then it didn't.

Mario reached through the Mirror & pulled OG!4 out. & Mario woke up.

[ten-shi-fandoms]

Lyric prompt list:

If you want to participate in this say which prompt you want a fic for, the character/fandom, and use one of the hearts on the key to specify what kind of fic you want it to be.

Some of the fics will already have a heart by them signifying that I already have a idea for a fic, but if you wish to request that prompt then go ahead but the type of fic is up to me.

I will be adding more lyric prompts as days go on so one day there may be twenty and the

Heart Key:

❤= Fluff

🖤= Angst

💚= Suggestive/lime

♥= Smut

💔= Smut/suggestive with angst

❤️‍🩹= Angst to Comfort

💖= Fluff with comedy

Prompts:

1. "I can see my baby swingin'."

2. "Hit me and tell me your mine. I don't know why but I like it."

3. "I think I'll miss you forever. Like the stars miss the sun on a morning sky."

4. "Will you still love me if I'm no longer young and beautiful?"

5. "Evil. Don't know what to tell you she's evil, most definitely."

6. "Paradise is a hell-colored flame sky, is it nice to feel free and wild?"

7. "You are my strange addition."

8. "Have I fallen for a lie? You were never on my side." 🖤

9. "A whole garden of flowers and my name etched on a rock. Oh this could've been avoided all I wanted was to talk." 🖤

10: "Heaven is a place on earth with you."

11. "Kiss me hard before you go. Summertime sadness. I just wanted you to know, that baby your the best."

12. "Go easy on me, baby."

13. "You make me feel like a fool. Waiting for you." 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

14. "In the back of my mind. (In the back of my mind), You died (I killed you) and I didn't even cry (I didn't even regret it). No, not a single tear (I can't believe I said it, but it's true). And I'm sick of waiting patiently for some on that won't even arrive (I hate you). 🖤

15. "I don't care, how long it takes. As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face."

16. "Heart to Heart."

17. "And I'm not your protagonist, I'm not even my own. I don't know anything, I don't even know what I don't know." 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

18. "And I love, my boyfriend. He is good to me. He's a good man. He takes care of me when I need it. He's the one I want to have children with."

19. "Mind over matter. Does it matter to any of us?"

20. "You can tell from the scars on my arms, and the cracks in my hips, and the dints on my car and the blisters on my lips." 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

21. "Alone again." 🖤 (angst of some kind)

22. "Whatever I've done, I did it for love."

23. "Let me into your heart."

24. "The other woman will never have his love to keep." 🖤

25. "Who is she? A misty memory. A haunting face. Is she a lost embrace?"

26. "Am I in love with just a theme?"

27. "A love immortal such as mine, will come to me eventually. Immortal she, returns to me."

28. "It still hurts. Watching him fade away." 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

29. "I'm feeling so tired. Really falling apart." 🖤(angst of some kind)

30. "I wish I knew you wanted me."

31. "I just wanna be yours."

32. "I'm liquid smooth, come touch me too. And my skin is plump and full of life. I'm in my prime."

33. "This 60/40 isn't working. I want 100 of your time. Your mine."

34: "Lucky is she, who lives unaware. Who doesn't get bothered by those who don't care. Lucky is she, who lives unaware. Who doesn't get bothered by all that's unfair. Unlucky me. Who knows way too much. Who fights to make changes to make changes and music and such. Unlucky me, aware all the pain. All 'cause I have some brain." 🖤

35. "I can't save us. My alantis we fall." 🖤

36. "I watch the moon. Let it run my mood. Can't stop thinking of you."

37. "I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right infront of me."

38. "You were out of my league. Got my heartbeat racing. If I die don't wake me, cause you were more than just a dream."

39. "I love you, so. Please let me go." 🖤

40. "Your coming back. And its the end of the world. We're starting over and I love you darling." ❤️‍🩹

41. "Your so traumatized. It makes me wanna cry. You dumb bitch. I loved you, I loved you, I loved you it's true. I wanted to be you and do what you do. I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true. I feel so embarrassed. I feel abused." 🖤

42. "Someone loved me. Someone fucking loved me. Someone fucking loved me and I fucking loved them to." 🖤

43. "Please understand I am trying my hardest." 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

44. "We were to close to the stars. I never knew somebody like you somebody." ❤️‍🩹

45. "The city's yours."

46. "Say yes to heaven, say yes to me. I've got my eye on you."

47. "He's in my eyes. He is in my ears. He's in my blood. He is in my tears. I must be made of steel. For i just threw out the love of my dreams."

48. "Everyone is dumb."

49. "I dug two graves for us my dear. I can't pretend that I was perfect leaving you in fear." 🖤

50. "I'm the sweetest girl in town, so why are you so mean? When are you going to ditch that stupid you got? It's me you should be seein'." ❤️‍🩹

51: "Talking to the moon. Trying to get to you."

52. "I wish you could see that I'm a person too." 🖤 (angst of some kind)

53. "Feel like a brand new person. Make the same old mistakes."

54. "Before I die. I wanna do something nice."

55. "I'll never smile again. Until I smile at you."

56. "Is she divine? Is it the wine? La seine."

57. "We fell in love in October. That's why I love fall."

58. "We'll meet again. Don't know where. Don't know when. But i know we'll meet again some sunny day."

59. "So please, hurry leave me. I can't breathe. Please don't say you love me."

60. "It's just that I fell in love with a war. No body told me it ended."

61. "I'm so lucky, lucky."

62. "All I want is you now. All I wanna do now. Is wait for you to call me. Baby I'm so sorry." 🖤 (angst of some kind)

63. "I wish you, never had meet me." 🖤

64. "We could've had it all." 🖤

65. "I just hope she don't wanna leave me. Don't you give me up."

66. "The red means I love you." 🖤

67. "I swear (Swear?), I won't leave you (I don't believe you.)" 🖤

68. "Love's gonna get you killed but Pride's gonna be the death of you and me." 🖤

69. "Are you falling in love? Got a feeling you are."

70. "And I'm so sick of love songs, so tire of tears. So done with wishing you were still here." ❤️‍🩹

71. "Please don't go (I'll eat you whole). I love you so. I love you so." 🖤 (angst of some kind)

72. "I guess I should stop looking out for you like I always do. When you, start looking out for me to instead of leaving me staring at my shoes?" 🖤 or ❤️‍🩹

73. "This is a love song for a girl who will never know it's about her." ❤️‍🩹

74. "Pacify her. She's getting on my nerves."

75. "I'm so sick of myself. Rather be, Rather be. Anyone, anyone else. Jealousy jealousy, started following me." ❤️‍🩹 or 💔

[id0ntkn0w0101]

Top 5 Writing Tips for Depressed People

As a certified depressed person. I am not a professional writer, I am just a person who likes to write but am also depressed. These are my tips and tricks for doing better at writing without hating myself

1 - Try to channel every mood into writing.

Wake up in a bad mood because you're pissed at someone? Write about your character being pissed at someone. Depression kicking your ass? Write about your character's mental illness or emotional struggle. Manage to have a rare, good day? Maybe give your character a bit of a reprieve from the conflict and let them have a relaxing day with their friends and/or lover. And if these don't fit into the place you are in in your book, don't worry, because...

2 - Don't force yourself to write linearly.

Don't force yourself to write according to a strict "this then that then this then that" timeline. If you have an idea for a scene at the end of your slow burn romance where the two characters finally kiss, then write that scene. Writing is always going to be easier if you write what you want to write when you want to write it instead of just hoping it'll be there when its finally time for that scene to pop up. I know I can never remember scene ideas, even if I outline them beforehand. My "scene plans" end up being so elaborate so I don't forget anything that I basically end up writing the actual scene anyway.

3 - Lower your expectations for your first draft.

Don't expect your first draft to make your writing sound like a finished book you'd pick up at Barnes&Noble. The books there are likely, at minimum, a 3rd draft. Most bigger authors who work with a publisher even have an editor that reads over everything and recommends corrections. A huge part of the writing process isn't even writing, it's rewriting. It's realizing, "Wait this line of dialogue seems really similar to that one my favorite author wrote, I should change it." or "Wait her hair was brown in the last scene and now its blonde. Does she dye her hair a lot like Ramona Flowers or do I need to correct it." The goal when writing is not to write in a "them" way. That is, writing in a similar style to authors you like. Every writer, whether a seasoned NaNoWriMo veteran or a middle schooler with a dream, has their own writing voice and style. You can, of course, take inspiration from another writer's style, but if you completely try to change your own, your writing will feel hollow and manufactured rather than alive and full.

4 - Know yourself!

Every person is different, and depressed people still fit in that category. Know if you are the kind of person that functions better if you schedule time every day to do something, or if you work better when you just let yourself do things in their own time. Apply that knowledge to your writing. I, for instance, work better if I write as soon as I have the idea, so planning time out to try to write won't work for me because I'll be hit with Blank Screen syndrome. However, I also have a tendency to get stuck in my own head and need to force myself to at least try to write every single day. Know who you are and how you function best, because nobody is going to tell you for you.

5 - Don't reread stuff until you get to a good stopping point.

Unless you just forget a character's name or appearance or something, don't reread your work until, bare minimum, you get to the end of that section of the book. I guarantee if you do, you will hate a lot of it and just end up starting over. If you can avoid it, don't even reread it until you finish the first draft or are lightly editing it to post somewhere like I do. Even then, I just turn on spell check or grammar check and click through it correcting mistakes I made without really reading the words around them. If you focus too much on what you've already written, you'll get too tied up in editing things and you won't ever get new words and scenes on the page. If, like me, you have a tendency to forget little things about fantasy mechanics or character or setting appearances, write down little blurbs about those things in a seperate document or in your notes app and come back to it later on when you need a reminder. Your notes don't need to be perfectly written, so you won't be too bothered with editing them.

I hope you all enjoyed this list and hopefully get some clarity or inspiration from it. If anyone has any other tips, please share them. If you'd like to read my own writing, I have my current WIP FIRST DRAFT posted both on this tumblr and on ao3 called Of Dreams and Fury. Have a great day!

[crmsnmth-journal]

4/14/2024 9:00 PM

I had a really good Sunday. I didn't get much done at all, but I got to refresh my head. I went down to the river's edge and hiked to the bridge and back, about four miles all together. The woods are really waking up now that it seems spring is officially here. I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, we probably hit seventy degrees today. There's a tradeoff though, because now my room seems unreasonably hot. I won't open my window, because my screen has holes in it, and I really do not like bats in the house. I love to see them outside, but I do not like them flying around my house. They freak me out, and for some reason or other, rabies scares the absolute hell out of me. I don't mess with wild animals that can bite me and kill me with a disease that looks like something extremely horrible to go through.

I got my first negative "you suck" comments on one of my poems, and, maybe this is weird, but that makes me beyond happy. Sure, getting likes and reblogs, and nice comments are fun and all, but I was waiting until someone thinks I am so awful at what I love to do, that they need to tell me. If it's constructive, I'm all for it, and I will take those opinions with deep consideration, but to those who just tell me I suck, without really knowing anything about what I do, or more importantly WHY i do what i do, I feel sad for. Art critics. The idea of being a critic in any form of art fields is a laugh. Art is subjective. What I write means something different for someone else. What I see in my head is a totally different painting then the one hanging up on the wall. What I hear in music is far off from what someone else's ears hear. And that should be respected. I can't stand Taylor Swift, but I respect her place in the music world. I don't think Van Gogh paintings aren't all the beautiful, but I still consider him one of the masters but I'd put Robert S. Connet on that hill too. Memento dragged on, but Christopher Nolan is one of my favorite directors. And if you see something, and your thought is "wow, this sucks" and not "Let's try to make it better" maybe it's best you just shut the fuck up and let people have their thing. I will always love "You suck" comments, on the simple fact I've pissed one more stranger off.

But now, I'm sitting here, writing this and I'll write a few other lines while watching Melancholia for who knows how many times. I love me some Lars Von Trier films. The guy is a master at his craft. I need a break from Futurama anyway. As much as I love the show, after a bit some of the characters just irritate me and I can't do the show. I'm at a good spot to take a break anyway. The very beginning of the "movie" season.

Hopefully my brother turns up soon. They were headed into town so I sent them with some money to pack me up some soda and pop tarts. Yes, I know. I eat like a twelve year old. I don't care. I don't eat much, and when a strawberry poptart and a coke is all I can get down, it's healthier than not eating anything at all, right? Kind of ironic isn't it? A chef with no appetite. I can't remember the last time I ate something from where I work.

I did forget to take about Jolie yesterday. I've known her for years, as she used to run the kitchen in the American Legion at the same time I first took over the bowling alley kitchen. And we have always gotten along extremely well. It's always a good time when she's around. Just that kind of person. So she left the legion and hasn't done anything in the business since, but her and her husband are looking to buy a restaurant, and she offered me the job to come on has an actual head chef. I mean, I'd get to do menus again, and work with distributors and come up with stuff and have the actual fun parts of the job handed back. Of course, that means I'd also have to do the shitty parts too, budgets, scheduling, budgets, most maintence, did I mention budgets? Still, maybe it's a sign? I've been talking about how badly I want out of the alley, that maybe this is the universe giving me an option to do that, and maybe even re-light the fire and the passion for food to burn bright again?

[stevensaus]

How My Colonoscopy Led To An Existential Crisis

So I had a colonoscopy with anesthesia yesterday, and my restless legs managed to generate a bit of an existential crisis. I've spoken before about my experience with restless legs syndrome -- and how I am one of the "lucky" 10% who get to experience it as pain. That was a concern of mine when I was checking in for the colonoscopy; because the medications I take for it effect the nervous system, I did not want to accidentally depress {1} prior to any kind of anesthesia. In addition, a front had moved in overnight, so I was pretty twitchy and in a non-trivial amount of discomfort; it had gotten up to a six or so on the drive over. The anesthesiologist was very nice as I explained my concern, and said it shouldn't be an issue. As they put the anesthetic in the IV, I explained to the anesthesiologist that I was asking so many questions in order to get the details right if I wrote about it later, and then I woke up in recovery. That part went really well (and my results seem good as well). But it was less simple for those doing the procedure. They told me afterward that almost immediately after I went under, I began jerking and moving my legs and arms {2}. They were able to complete the procedure, but just barely, given how much I was moving. While completely unconscious. This is not the first time that my brain and body have done things without my conscious knowledge. Last weekend, when my amour and I were watching TV at night -- I was extremely tired and also in a large amount of pain -- I woke up standing in front of the refrigerator with my amour asking if I was okay, and what I was doing. Earlier this year, I had an extremely bad incident where I woke up upstairs in my son's room (he wasn't home at the time) and had eaten some very expired candy he had up there {3}. It usually only happens when I'm so tired (or medicated) that I cannot help but fall asleep, but the pain is great enough that it keeps me from... well, completely falling asleep. It is -- to put it mildly -- fucking strange to wake up somewhere different when you don't remember falling asleep. We all experience times of decreased consciousness -- the times you drive on "automatic" and don't remember driving home arguably count -- but it is usually bracketed by a conscious intent to go somewhere or do something, and then its completion. {4} One common assumption is not that we're truly not conscious, but that we just don't bother remembering it. To have a sudden scene change like I've had is wildly disorienting. Until yesterday, I could tell myself that I wasn't unconscious -- I just didn't remember. Yesterday, I learned that is not true. Parts of my brain -- and my body -- were reacting to stimuli while I was completely unconscious {5} under anesthetic, lending credence to the idea that my other wanderings and other behaviors were also while my consciousness was offline. Making the idea that things like "driving on automatic" really are entirely without the benefit of our consciousness getting involved all the more plausible. There are studies that indicate our consciousness -- at least sometimes -- gets informed of what we decide to do after we start to do it {6}, but actually experiencing it is something else. Your consciousness -- the you part of you -- isn't the only entity driving that meat mech you're in. {1} The clinical sense of decreased function, not the emotion of "depressed." {2} Thanks to "augmentation," I now experience it in not just my ankles, but sometimes in my wrists as well. {3} I seem to seek out sugar and sweets -- to the extent that I can sometimes tell if the pain is going to be bad because I notice myself craving sweets up to a half hour before I register the pain. The best I can figure is that sweets are a mild analgesic for humans, and it's also a quick dopamine hit, and dopamine seems to be involved in RLS. {4} Oddly, even when I was drinking -- and at times I drank a lot -- I didn't have blackout experiences, so I can't compare the two. {5} While ketamine and versed cause sedation and "anterograde amnesia," not unconsciousness, the propofol they used does create unconsciousness. {6} Along with rebuttals that move the goalposts of where "conscious" is. Featured Image by aytuguluturk from Pixabay Read the full article

[purplesurveys]

1733

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Unless I overslept and am extremely late to something, I'm horrible at waking up. I'm definitely the type to take my time before getting up.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? I don't usually do video calls with anyone but the last people I did one with were Angela and Reena. COVID didn't affect my video-calling habits whatsoever – I hated it before the pandemic, during, and still do.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? On average? Less than one. I only do so a few times a month because I try to watch how much I spend.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? I like being in restaurants. Delivery is fine too but it will sometimes affects the quality of the food once it gets to me – like a burger arriving smushed or rice already being cold. It's convenient but has its downsides.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? I like Starbucks or any place with a Spanish latte.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? Silent. I have work calls all day long and I know how irritating it gets when someone's phone goes off during these meetings, so I keep my own quiet.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper caught a plastic bag earlier and ran away/went crazy with it. Happened this morning. Normally I would've chased him and thought of a trick to make him drop whatever's in his mouth, but I was already late for work so I just let him have his fun. I think my sister ultimately discarded the at-that-point-destroyed plastic once Cooper got bored from it.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? July – I had to pick up a book I pre-ordered.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I have never even been on Amazon.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Couple of weeks ago. I only ever walk my own dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? A necklace.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Nopes.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? No. I know I'm probably just being uneducated hahaha but the concept of a VPN just seems so sketchy to me. Like I feel like the moment I use one, the police will be at my ass. I've never used one before and not sure if I ever will.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? That would be RM, and yes I'm a massive fan.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I don't cook.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? No. I don't believe in superstition.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It's fine, but only in moderation. I also would not say it's my favorite.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? I visit every one or two months because braces.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? We had initial access to the internet starting when I was 3, which was around the time my dad started to work abroad and email was the best way for my parents to regularly correspond. I didn't access the internet, though – there was not much a kid my age could do on the computer at the time.

I started using the interet regularly by the time I was 10, when my dad had a broadband set-up installed at home. The way it started wasn't even technically 'wi-fi' yet – we had to connect our laptop directly to the router if we wanted internet, so only one person could connect at a time. I don't remember when it changed but anyway, eventually, we started to get to enjoy wireless the same way we do now.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I definitely am, but I never used one. I'm old enough to merely remember the concept.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? I pre-ordered Layover last month.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? Underarms and legs – once a week for both. I work from home and don't always schedule anything out, so there's no point in making it a daily routine. It was definitely different pre-pandemic though as I'd shave everyday.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? I don't experience the four seasons so I've never had a favorite.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I've had hot water droplets spill on me recently while making coffee, but I don't think I've ever burned myself any more badly than that.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Never been.

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? That would be DP! It's a K-drama that tackles bullying among many other issues within the country's mandatory military enlistment. I honestly first heard of it from Namjoon who had recommended it, but I found the plot in itself compelling so I didn't hesitate in starting.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? I am not a fan of the concept at all. Maybe I'm jaded? maybe it's because I wasn't really raised on Disney as a kid? but the live-action thing never excited me and the hype has always felt...a tad bit inauthentic, like they're doing these remakes for the sole purpose of getting more money out of me. That said, I've never seen any of the remakes and don't really have plans to.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? All I want to do is spend the entire day at home.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If I had a serious, valid need for one, I don't see why I wouldn't. As for the second question, I think adjusting your environment and providing stimulation for your dogs do go a long way. Huskies are very common in the Philippines – where our climate is humid and warm all-year long – but owners adjust by having them in air-conditioned rooms all day, making sure their water is iced, etc. Same nature of adjustments go for other breeds. It's only fair when you do your job as a pet owner.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

267 of 2023

1 - Aside from the necessities (eating, breathing etc.) what is something you do every single day, without fail?

Taking my medication. I’ve never skipped a single dose of it.

2 - Do you use cash or card the most? Do you find yourself using card or contactless methods more since COVID hit?

Card has been a preferred method here for along time already, although not carrying some cash with you at all times was illegal at some point.

3 - Is there anything you enjoy that’s considered childish for your age? What is it?

Well, maybe reading young adult books.

4 - Who’s your favourite voice actor? What’s the best thing they’ve been in?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

5 - How many times a day do you use the bathroom?

Do you really think anyone counts that?

6 - Do you need caffeine to wake up in the morning? What’s your drink of choice?

I used to, but I stopped. Now the only caffeinated drink for me is Coca Cola.

7 - Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an introvert, do you feel like you live in a world built for extroverts?

I’m an ambivert and I’m feeling good wherever I am, typically.

8 - What do you do with old clothes you no longer want or need?

I try selling them, if they’re in good condition.

9 - How old were you when you got your first pet (not a family pet, but one that you were solely responsible for)?

I got Victoria when I was 21.

10 - What is something popular or fashionable that you consider to be a real waste of money?

Almost everything lol. Especially Apple products.

11 - Do you donate to charity?

No, I don’t. I want to know where exactly my money goes.

12 - Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals?

I live in the centre of the main city in my province.

13 - Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban?

Suburbs would be perfect. Close to the city, and close to the nature. Although I wouldn’t mind living somewhere by the busy road so I can hear the traffic at night.

14 - Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day?

Yeah, radio signals.

15 - If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead?

I keep things to myself. On rare occasion, I talk with my husband about it.

16 - Do you get your five portions of fruits and veggies everyday?

Five? What pseudoscientific bs is that. I eat rarely, but 99% of it is veggies.

17 - What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity?

Living room. Close to the bathroom and to the kitchen. I actually spend most time outdoors, though.

18 - If you have pets, do you snuggle with them when you’re having a bad time? Does it make you feel better?

Yeah, they come for snuggles by themselves. Especially Victoria is sensitive to our moods and comes to cheer us up.

19 - Would you ever sign up to be in the military? What if there was enforced conscription, would you go or would you object?

Well, nobody would take the person with epilepsy, no matter how much they want. I wanted, but I can’t.

20 - Would you ever want to go to any kind of fitness bootcamp, or does that sound like utter hell to you?

First I need to know what a fitness bootcamp is.

21 - What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What was it that made it so bad?

I worked as a cleaning guy in the local library while doing my degree at the sam time. It wasn’t even the job itself that was bad. It was the boss.

22 - If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you?

I’d love to have veggies and flowers and fruits.

23 - Do you believe there’s life on other planets? If so, do you think it’s anything like humanity?

Most likely, the universe is just too big. I have no idea how it’s like, and I don’t care much.

24 - Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep?

Not anymore since antidepressants kicked in. I keep trying.

25 - if you drive, how many times a week do you have to fill up your car with fuel? If you don’t drive, how much do you spend a week on travel/transport?

I have De Lijn services for free and NMBS for 50%, so not much, even though I travel a lot almost every day.

26 - What did you get the last time you went out for fast food?

I don’t eat it.

27 - Do you tend to snack when you’re watching TV or sitting at the computer? What’s your favourite thing to snack on?

No, I don’t.

28 - When was the last time you went to a zoo or wildlife park type place?

Thankfully very long ago.

29 - Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them?

I believe caring for anumals s good and animal abuse is wrong, period.

30 - If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it?

I don’t like the taste and the structure of meat.