#where do dogs go when they die
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Where do dogs go when they die?
The question of where dogs go when they die is a topic that has fascinated and comforted pet owners for generations. While there is no definitive answer, different cultures, religions, and belief systems offer various interpretations and explanations. Rainbow Bridge: One of the most widely known and cherished beliefs among pet lovers is the concept of the âRainbow Bridge.â According to thisâŚ

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#how much dogs are in the world#how much dogs sleep#how often dogs get rabies shot#where do dogs go when they die
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment


Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iâm sure Iâm forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatâs been confirmed. On the table of contents thereâs why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donât think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the âbadâ devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaâs relationship with them? Sheâs too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheâs Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheâs ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnât loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityâs creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaâs answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnât out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereâs an itch to every devil, and for Makima itâs a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheâs attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itâs a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansâ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulâ Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesâ There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaâs success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itâs still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilâs behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itâd have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheâd have been part of that âhisâ order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorâs making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilâ All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.

And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendâs farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnât it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itâs trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatâs best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnât she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itâs back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatâs the extra edge they must be missing to be contentâ like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsâŚâŚ.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyâre calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itâs very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itâs pretty direct and sheâs already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheâs self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyâre her personal lifeâ something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheâs gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency

Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiâs, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body⌠Thereâs something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill⌠Outside influence theyâre helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiâs. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of⌠Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itâs Angel Devilâs devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedâ we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersâ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiâs memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherâ part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilâs namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itâs her feeling empty when sheâs not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itâs something that they like nor that itâs something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itâs even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itâs the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedâ feared, powerful, knownâ hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itâs their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beâ a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aâŚ. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iâll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itâs a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum⌠Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheâs happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaâs biggest tool, similarly capitalismâs most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatâs what theyâll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnât like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestâ how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itâs about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenât logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnât live and breathe purely for the mission sheâs made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.


Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheâll have decided for peopleâ and thatâs the thing isnât it, like with War, itâs the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itâs not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulâŚ.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donât want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog đ#Thisâd be a different topic but. I donât think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iâd say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenâŚ.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iâm fine. Iâm so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnât align with ours obvi but#âSomeone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?â What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyâre undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood đ¤ or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says âbut every demon likes to drink bloodâ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnât belong as a devil??? bc heâs suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatâs all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereâs a lot more iâd have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iâve seen a take that the âmy friend at a farmâ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itâs a perfect allegory but it can be both
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Augh no one cares because we're chatting about Dreamnap on Shadoune's gay French event, but I'm thinking about the god of the wild au
The vulnerability of all the rituals that the humans in the dsmp make for Dream. He's am animal born God, he doesn't naturally have rituals or offerings, or even clothes! But they make them for him
Tommy and Wilbur spend months studying all sorts of Gods, tearing their practices apart and making them Dream's. Everyone finds their own way to honor Dream and feed him devotion in a way that they didn't need to. None of this is natural to him, none of this is needed. But they still do it. They still write prayers and make up dances and make hand made plates to hold fruit and milk and honey.
When Dream shows up dressed in embroidery and gold that's Tommy pulling him aside to dress him in the clothes he made. It's all handmade, it's all trust, it's all domestication and care and so much love. It's all human instinct.
#the dog barks#god of the wild#for all that Dream makes them animals they make Dream human#or well. idk. they dont make Dream human but they love him like humans#and he loves them back by bowing his head and letting them dress him letting them feed him#if anyone is wondering why Wilbur and Tommy are so... uh... religious I guess? why they study it so much#you know when you're spiraling really hard and you grab into anything to keep your attention off it?#yeah#no time for depression when you can figure out how to convert this summoning ritual for an animal god#or make an entire new robe set#plus they could feel Dream in limbo#wherever they were was not the traditional place where humans or animals go when they die#it was so warm. hot. like fresh blood#it pulsed under their hands like a beating heart#Wilbur had just that for company for so long. when he comes back the world seems to cold and quiet in comparison#being in a rabbit burrow could fix Revivebur#(also. uh. Phil was a little pushy about Kristen's worship when they lived with him)#(its at least a little spite and rebellion)#...what do I tag this#dsmp au#dreblr#the footnotes
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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my dog might die tonight
my mom's depressed and emotionally exhausted, to the point she slurs her words and feels like a zombie most days
has said to my face she doesn't want to fix it
that soon her mom will die and me and my sister are grown so...
we don't need her
and my dog's old and sick
in pain
at the vet getting oxygen and medication
to see if he'll make it through the night
and thank god he's there, so he doesn't have to suffer
but he's not next to us
he might die alone away from us
i think there's some poetic bullshit there
he would die in pain by our side
but he has a chance to survive away from us
and if he doesn't make it till the next day he'll die alone, but without pain
i just want to take everyone's pain away
but I can't
i can't fix it
it's not up to me
i can't do shit
#i was already expecting it#my dog's old#and he hasn't been well for a while now#it's fine#just want him to go in peace#i'd like it if he was comfortable near the people he loves#but like as long as he isn't in pain i'm happy#it's everything else that's making me have a breakdown#i was already tired and mentally unwell before learning WHY my mom had been like this#when she finally fessed up about the depression/exhaustion it took away the weight of not knowing how or why she got like that#but it's not easy hearing your mom basically says she wants to die#don't worry my sister already scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for her#she also got tests done to see if she had signs of dementia and shit#and she's working where i am right now#and i can see how hard it is for her#but i can't do much to help her#and i can see how everyone else is kind of done with her#but she isn't incompetent...she's smart and a good worker#but her brain is fucking cooked and i dont think she should be working#by now i'm literally just venting#in the tags#and just ignore this#ignore me#this was just a long time coming#everything is fine#mine
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A bit of community service work to repay his third chance leads to Hien witnessing Zenos' own special brand of weird.
#ffxiv#sketch#digital art#zenos yae galvus#hien rijin#adventurer zenos#I have finally sat down to learn how to draw the porcupine + his outfit and I will now unabashedly misuse this new power#aka stuff for the au amongst other things#where hien reluctantly gives zenos a chance to prove himself#only to find out hes surprisingly efficient with a strong sense of work ethic- *if* he actually cares about the work hes doing#not at all anticipating that might involve him turning partially into shinryu just to get a bit more utility#and that to redisperse the aether into the surroundings zenos is very carefully making sure the laser is not going to hit anything#I also like to think that once zenos starts learning to respect more than WoL that he is just shockingly polite to people#even if that means when hes listening he is just ***Staring***#->Lyse+Hien+Yugiri also getting unabashedly praised- Lyse especially- when he learns more about Ghimlyt#following in WoL's footsteps I like to think he'd *try* to form good relationships with leaders and people he meets-#-even if much of it involves attempted murder towards him only for him to go âhey- I can't die. let me do something else for itâ#also completely unrelated but I just want minstrel's ballad:shinyru to be the canon version of the fight#I adore how absolutely unhinged that fight is#dog farming meant my entire fc got to sprint across his back and sit on his shoulders before he lobbed us all off#because he was stubborn#and hated dropping the mount for any of us
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy
literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them đđ
#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours#but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night#MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP#it was practically bones for so long oml#i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence#yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now#it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly#(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet)#<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES#i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try#yoda moment but whatever#yippeee#god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression#ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense#personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor#yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche#actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills#i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die#when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine#maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh#i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster#but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in#i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect#and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect#do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life'#lexi stfu challenge
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#i have a deep spiritual need to do something Shippy today#but i gotta Work đŠ#(i caretake and my sisters house is where braincells go to die)#(she has four animals and i love them all dearly but one of them is always front and center at all times)#ninja [cat] has a habit of coming up meowing and climbing on me very demandingly#and then walking away and then repeating this every 5-10 minutes#dakota [small dog] barks Terribly at every sound - real or perceived#iris [golden retriever] ....... is very sweet and dumb with zero concept of personal space#leia [cat] is the only one who has any chill#except for when she does not#[or the food bowls are empty]#in which case she has ZERO CHILL#idk why i'm typing all of this all i was gonna say was#i just wanna pose My cat and her god boyfriend#tbd!!!
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watching Nishitani's death scene always leaves me devastated. like noooo king you can't die you haven't gotten your rocks off in a decent fight yet
#jokes aside the first time i saw that scene I wasn't ready for it. he's such an earnest guy who embodies this wild persona fully ->#and when the audience may believe he'll go wild again or pull some shit to save himself what does he do?#he tries to run for his uncle and shields Majima from the bullets.#he didn't have to give up his life but he saw something in Majima that he wanted to protect. a reflection maybe.#that line he says about âwhy couldn't we have met earlierâ and chiding himself for being sentimental... goddd i need more of him#it makes me wonder specifically what he would think of the Mad Dog persona.#would he be proud that Majima took after him? glad to have someone that understands?#or perhaps downtrodden that Majima could follow his direct footsteps into an early grave himself?#i mean we've seen Majima throw himself into situations where he could die any minute. its not wrong to say its a miracle he's gonna see 60#but is that also something he learned from Nishitani? that he can sacrifice himself if it means the ones he loves will thrive?#ughhhh mr nishitani i miss your silly ass... literally altered Majima's brain chemistry that day in the jail cell....#also not to be too theorist or anything but like. i wonder if anyone tried to get Nishitani help or if they let him die.#bc his men were in the (unlocked) cell with him; one of them could have run for help or a medic even if it was too late#but would he want that? or would he have wanted to be left in peace with his only family member- dead by association with him?#grrrr i need more info on him..... but at the same time i love that they left him fairly vague...#we get just the hint of his attitude being a persona and thats it.... GOD i need to rip something up im consumed with blorbo thoughts#nishitani homare#bulletin board
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Reading fantasy again, I've started thinking about how odd it is how in books like that, the non-human races invariably scoff at human frailty and vulnerability, even those that they'll call friends. Like that's mean?? Why would you be a dick to your friend who you know is not capable of as much as you are, and it's not their fault they were born like that. That's mean.
Like consider the opposite: Characters of non-human races treating their human companions like frail little old dogs. Worrying about small wounds being fatal - humans die of small injuries all the time - or being surprised that humans can actually eat salt, even if they can't stomach other spicy rocks. Being amazed that a human friend they haven't seen in 10 years still looks so young, they've hardly aged at all! And when the human tries to explain that they weren't going to just unexpectedly shrivel into a raisin in 10 years, the longer-lifespan friend dismisses this like no, he's seen it happen, you don't see a human for 10 or 20 years and they've shriveled in a blink.
Elves arguing with each other like "you can't take her out there, she will die!" and when the human gets there to ask what they're talking about, they explain to her that the journey will take them through a passage where it's going to be sunny out there. Humans burn in the sun. And she will have to clarify that no, actually, she'll be fine. They fight her about it, until she manages to convince them that it's not like vampires - humans only burn a little bit in the sun, not all the way through. She'll be fine if she just wears a hat.
Meanwhile dwarves are reluctant to allow humans in their mines and cities, not just out of being secretive, but because they know that you cannot bring humans underground, they will go insane if they go too long without seeing the sun. Nobody is entirely sure how long that is, but the general consensus is three days. One time a human tries to explain their dwarf companion that this is not true, there are humans that endure much longer darkness than that. As a matter of fact, in the furthest habited corners of the lands of the Northmen, the winter sun barely rises at all. Humans can survive three weeks of darkness, and not just once, but every single year.
"Then how do they sane?" Asks the dwarf, and just as he does, the conversation gets interrupted by the northland human, who had been eavesdropping, and turns to look at them with an unnerving glint in her colourless grey eyes, grinning while saying
"That's the neat part, we don't."
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the problem is i need someone in my life who i come home to and they tell me i am perfect and everyone else is wrong. i can critique myself and solve conflict (<- lying) but i can only comfort myself so much
#aiden's monologuing#i know how to do conflict resolution generally. unfortunately i do have the obedient dog issue#where when compromise happens it will often be me taking a rotten deal for long term peace#and. well. when i can't take that anymore. the relationship would be unsalvagable by that point anyway#i need someone who hears me say i'm fine and knows i am lying. but doesn't call me out on it. just does things to make#my day a little better. or let me complain without making excuses for other people#and extremely unfortunately the quickest way to get that is to date someone. and i don't want to.#but most other people aren't yosuke in the hiimdaisy comic like i am. as in you are nice to me. i will now die for you#what do you mean that's not normal. what do you mean i care about you more than you care about me#what do you mean you once called me family and then just ghosted me#whatever this is getting too personal. the emotion bucket overflowed or it's got a crack or something#doc appt come sooner... i need med adjustment pls... the depression doc you have to suck it out of me. like a vampire#i like to believe that's how the special magnets work. they just attract the magnetic vile energies and make your brain better#the metals have to be moved around they build up and get too heavy. the neurotransmitters have low iron. they're anemic#anyway that is absolutely not how the special magnets work. but i need some kinda whimsy in my life#anyway anyway it's after eleven and my roommate's being loud and i can see the emotion thermometer in the corner of my vision#rising red and angry like a boiling volcano. white noise time#get off your online video games and go to bed you have two jobs and you're a student
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I think you're quite cool y'know
I have this maybe-not-exactly-fear of really big stuff. Like, the thought of a colossal Thing looming over me is like. idk. makes me uneasy? I don't know the feeling exactly but whatever it inspired a magic card. I sure hope tumblr doesn't make the image way bigger than it needs to be!

#asks#custom cards#custom magic card#8 mana gets you a 16/16 trample with a bit of protection#basically average for a modern rare lol#thought about giving it protection from mv 2 or less but i wanted the image of a little 1/1 soldier pathetically trying to block it#a giant unbeatable force that you're not allowed to fight is boring#a giant unbeatable force that you can TRY to fight is awesome#it doesn't NEED protection from your weak creatures#it does however die to a 1/1 deathtouch#in the end nothing is truly unbeatable#oh yeah my Fear of Big Things is a thing i first noticed when playing Xenoblade Chronicles X#there's some REALLY big creatures in that game and even though it's just a game and dying doesn't even have a penalty i was still scared#i didn't want to go near them#but the reason i'm not entirely sure if it's a fear is because i DID go near them#one of them was marked as passive and also there was a treasure chest near it so i had to go grab it#the other was a gigantic robot sleeping in a lake that was almost certainly aggressive. i didn't wanna go near it. i knew it'd wake up#but i did. it woke up and killed me#but like i did it so it can't be that major of a fear. maybe it's like. an uneasy fascination#idk tho because i don't get exposed to Gigantic Things very often#ALSO another example: i had a dream when i was little that i still remember where i shrunk and my stuffed dog was MASSIVE#i was the size of its glass bead eyeball. staring up at it from where i stood on the colossal mattress#was i scared? idk but i sure was feeling something#so anyway. really stupidly large creature. enjoy#thought about doing hexproof from mv 3 or less but honestly it's already really really strong and i'm not wotc
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CUMMING OF AGE
bsfs brother!Heeseung x f!reader - when you ask him to teach you how to masturbate. (pure porn with plot. MDNI 18+, explicit, masturbation, cunnilingus, phone sex, ANGST, fluff too so its fine.) âIf sheâs not cumming, sheâs not listening to her pussy.â âAnd if she wonât listenâŚâ âIâll make her.â
Youâve always had a hate-hate relationship with masturbation.
Not the âhaha I donât know what Iâm doingâ kind. Not the shy, innocent kind. The kind where you tried, over and over again, and every time it ended in that same aching, pathetic wayâpanties soaked, fingers numb, pussy throbbing, and absolutely nothing to show for it.
No finish. No orgasm. Not even a fucking twitch of satisfaction.
You rubbed and rubbed, like everyone said to. You found your clit. You circled it. Pressed it. Flicked it. Tried soft and slow, then fast and desperate. Tried with spit, with lotion, with fucking coconut oil once. But nothing ever felt right. Just this frustrating hum of almost. Like your body was teetering on the edge of something big and just⌠refused to jump.
Youâd end up sore. Agitated. Your legs would shake, but not the good kind. Your pussy would swell, throbbing like she was mocking you for trying.
It made you feel broken. Or worseâboring. Like your body was wired wrong. Like youâd missed the most basic feminine skill everyone else seemed to be born with.
Girls talked about cumming like it was breathing. Like they could do it in five minutes flat with one hand and a good imagination. Youâd hear them talk about shaking through the sheets, arching off the bed, seeing starsâand youâd smile and nod and laugh along, pretending like you got it, like you knew what it was like to get wrecked by your own hand.
Youâd never even come close.
You tried toys. You bought a vibrator and nearly cried when it did nothing but make your arms go numb. You tried grinding on pillows until the friction made you raw. You tried porn. You even tried watching yourself once in the mirror like some kind of twisted self-help therapy. Nothing worked.
Youâd touch and touch and chase and beg for it in your headâplease, just this once, just let me finish, pleaseâand still end up breathless, sticky, empty.
Youâd cry sometimes. Just a little. From the frustration of it. From the absolute humiliation of being so fucking horny and not being able to do anything about it.
You hated that about yourself. Hated the way your body seemed to enjoy the build and not the release. Hated the way your clit would throb for attention and then get overwhelmed the second you gave her any. Hated the need. The noise. The mess with no reward.
But the worst partâthe actual worst partâwas how much you still wanted it. How much you still tried. Like a dog chasing its own tail. Like some needy little loser who couldnât leave it alone.
You were eighteen, for fuckâs sake. You were supposed to know your body by now. You were supposed to be able to make yourself cum. You were supposed to own your pleasure.
Instead, you were stuck with a pussy that got wet at the idea of being touched and then shut down the second you did.
It made you feel fucking insane.
So you gave up. Mostly. You still touched yourself when you needed toâwhen it built up too much and made your thighs ache. But it wasnât about cumming anymore. It was maintenance. A reset button. A pressure valve. You did it in the dark, quietly, quickly, just to shut your body up.
You didnât even think about pleasure anymore.
You didnât dare.
-
EvieâHeejoo, but you only ever called her that when you wanted to piss her offâwas your best friend in the world. Ride-or-die since ninth grade, bonded over a shared hatred of your chem teacher and the fact that neither of you fit into your schoolâs carefully manicured social circles.
Where you were sharp and quick with your mouth, she was soft-spoken and wide-eyed, just sweet enough to disarm anyone who got too close. You balanced each other out. She calmed your storm. You stirred hers.
You were over at her house so often it barely felt like visiting anymore. You knew the code to their garage door. You had your own toothbrush in her bathroom. Her mom kept your favorite cereal in the pantry like clockwork. You even had a drawer in her room, mostly old hoodies and stolen pajama shorts that smelled like her perfume.
It wasnât unusual for you to spend the weekend there, or three nights in a row, or an entire spring break. Her parents didnât mind. They liked knowing where you both wereâliked having an extra body in the house, even if they never said it out loud.
And then there was Heeseung.
Her older brother. Four years up. Barely a presence.
When you were younger, he was just the older guy who sulked in his room and stole her chargers. Sometimes heâd give you a ride when Evie asked, sometimes heâd walk past you in the kitchen and grunt a greeting, but that was about it. He was there, and then he wasnâtâoff to college, off to god knows where, vanishing from your life as quickly as heâd drifted through it.
You had a tiny crush on him once, freshman year. The kind that sparked quick and stupid, fed by his lazy smirk and the way he wore his backwards cap while fixing his car in the driveway. It died fastâsuffocated by time and distance and his complete disinterest in acknowledging your existence beyond a nod or a side-eye.
By the time he moved back home post-grad, you barely noticed. He was older now, busier, always in his room with the door closed, voice low behind it, like he was on constant phone calls or late-night games or⌠something.
You didnât think about him much. He was just Evieâs brother. Part of the background. White noise.
Your focus was always Evie.
She was the one who held your hair when you puked. The one who lent you a dress before every shitty date. The one who knocked on the bathroom door when you were taking too long and said, âYou better not be edge-cumming again, bitch,â like it was the most normal sentence in the world.
She talked about sex like it was just part of the air. Blunt. Effortless. She could make herself cum in three minutes flat. She said it with confidence, like breathing.
You hated how easily it came to her. You loved her anyway.
You always felt safe in her house. Safe in her bed, tangled up under a shared blanket, legs overlapping like twins born too far apart. Her room smelled like vanilla and lip gloss and safety. It felt like yours.
-
The house settled around you like it always didâquiet, gentle, familiar in a way that made your muscles loosen and your brain drift. Even the silence felt padded here. The hum of the fridge downstairs, the occasional pop of cooling pipes, the subtle click of the thermostat shiftingâbackground noise youâd grown so used to, it almost felt like home.
Evie was out cold beside you, one arm thrown carelessly across your stomach, her breath hot against your ribs. She always slept fast after wine. She always slept on you, tooâlike her body never quite understood boundaries even after all these years. You didnât mind. It was comforting, the weight of her. Like a grounding wire for the anxious, electric static building low in your belly.
Sleep wasnât coming for you, though.
Youâd been lying there in the dark for the better part of an hour, phone dimmed to nearly unreadable brightness, eyes burning from the glow. Nothing on your feed caught your attention. Youâd scrolled past the same content three times already, thumb swiping out of pure muscle memory.
Something restless twisted beneath your skin, persistent and irritating. Not quite horniness, not quite insomniaâjust that same pulsing tension that had been sitting heavy between your legs all night. Like your body was trying to tell you something without using words. You shifted under the blanket, trying not to disturb Evie, thighs pressing tighter together to relieve the dull ache. It only made it worse.
The urge to do something about it had been growing for hours.
Youâd thought about sneaking off to the bathroom. Youâd done it beforeâquiet, quick, businesslike. Just enough friction to take the edge off before falling asleep, still unsatisfied but too tired to care. The idea barely tempted you anymore. You already knew how it would end: the usual mess of spit-slick fingers, your clit swollen and sore, pussy wet and pulsing and still refusing to give you anything real.
Just the thought of trying again made you clench your jaw.
It was pathetic, the way your body teased you. Wet for no reason. Needy without payout. Over and over again, like clockwork. Like punishment.
You turned your phone off with a quiet sigh and let the screen go black.
For a moment, all you could hear was the creak of the floorboards expanding under the weight of a settling house. A branch tapping against the window. The subtle drag of Evieâs breathing. You stared at the ceiling, tired but tense, willing yourself to shut down the frustration building behind your ribs.
A manâs voice, deep and casual, barely audible through the cracked bedroom doors. Not enough to make out words. Not yet. Just the soft cadence of speech, rising and falling like a secret being shared too close to the edge of the world.
Heeseungâs door was open. Or cracked. Just enough to let a sliver of sound spill out. You hadnât even realized he was home tonight.
Your body stilled, like it always did when you felt watchedâexcept this time, you were the one doing the watching. Listening, technically. Just barely.
There was a pause, then a laugh. Not his. Another voice. Someone else. Male. Maybe one of his friends from school, the ones who came and went without warning. You couldnât place the sound, and you didnât care.
Your focus sharpened the second Heeseung spoke again.
âItâs not that hard. Girls make it harder than it is."
âIf sheâs not cumming, sheâs not listening to her pussy.â
The sentence dropped like a stone in the middle of your chest.
Not whispered. Not dirty. Just⌠stated. Like a law. Like fact.
Your fingers flexed unconsciously against the blanket. Heat flushed your neck and settled low in your belly, familiar and unwelcome. You didnât move. Couldnât.
There was something about the way he said it. Not performative. Not like he was trying to sound cool. Just calm. Confident. Like the kind of guy who got women off without effort and never thought twice about why.
Every hair on your arm lifted. He didnât stop there.
âAnd if she wonât listenâŚIâll make her.â
No laughter followed that. No teasing. Just a quiet moment where it hung in the air, unchallenged.
You lay frozen in the dark, heart thudding, mouth slightly open. Your legs ached under the blanket, thighs tense and pressed together. You werenât just turned onâyou were caught. Cornered by something you werenât supposed to hear and couldnât let go of.
Something clicked. Not like a revelation, not some dramatic internal monologue, just⌠a shift. A tilt in the floor beneath your feet. A door opening in a room you didnât realize you were trapped in.
You didnât even know what you wanted in that moment.
But for the first time in your life, you wonderedâreally wonderedâwhat your body would feel like under instructions that werenât your own.
-
You tried not to think about it for the rest of the day. Swore you wouldnât spiral.
You kept the overheard words tucked somewhere tight in your chest, smothered under fake laughter and half-listened stories while Evie walked you through her latest dating app disasters. You made it through brunch, through an entire Target run, through two face masks and one trashy Netflix documentaryâand you almost convinced yourself you were over it.
But when the house quieted again that nightâwhen Evie fell asleep curled up on the far side of the bed with her arm draped over a pillow instead of youâyou gave in.
You waited a while. Just in case she wasnât fully out. The kind of sleep that could crack open with the creak of floorboards.
And when her breathing evened out, soft and deep and oblivious, you slid out from under the blanket, grabbed your phone, and slipped into the hallway.
The bathroom door closed with a soft click behind you.
You didnât turn the light on right away. Just stood there for a second in the dark, breathing.
The air was cooler here. The tiles cold against your feet. The smell of Evieâs shampoo still clung to the roomâvanilla and something floral, sticky-sweet. You stared at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, barely visible in the silver sliver of hallway light. Your face looked flushed. Too open. Like something had already been peeled back.
You sat on the closed toilet lid, tugged your hoodie over your thighs, and pulled your phone into your lap.
No buildup. No browsing. You knew what you were looking for.
The video you always came back to. The closest thing youâd ever found to what worked. A deep voice. Slow instructions. Just audioânothing to watch, nothing to focus on but sound.
It wasnât him, but it didnât have to be. Not yet.
Your underwear stuck to the heat between your thighs as you slid it down. Still wet from the tension that had been building since that morning. From the second you saw Heeseung in the kitchen and felt your legs press together automatically.
The wetness shouldâve been a good sign.
But you already knew how this would go.
You played the video. Turned the volume down low. Closed your eyes.
Your fingers found your clit easily. Rubbed gentle circles, the way the voice said. You tried to breathe through it, tried to slow down, to listen.
There was too much pressure too soon. Your skin twitched with every touch. The angle was wrong. The rhythm never quite synced. Your body jerked between feeling almost there and feeling absolutely nothing.
You tried harder.
Tried picturing somethingâsomeone. His voice. His mouth. The way he looked at you this morning like you werenât just Evieâs friend, like he saw something else.
That made your fingers move faster. Your hips twitch up from the seat, trying to find somethingâanythingâthat would tip you over.
But it never came.
Just heat. Just sweat. Just the same stinging tension in your thighs and the wave that built up, crested, and refused to break.
Your hand dropped. Your chest heaved with a breath that sounded too much like a sob.
You sat there for a full minute in silence, pussy swollen, twitching, soaking your handâand still nothing. You hadnât cum. Not even close.
Not even fucking close.
Your palm dragged across your inner thigh as you reached for toilet paper, the wet slick of your own arousal catching against your skin, obscene and bitter and useless. You wiped your hand clean, flushed, washed it under the tap in a daze.
Your reflection stared back at you in the mirror, flushed cheeks, wild eyes, bottom lip bitten raw.
This wasnât working.
You couldnât do this by yourself. Not anymore.
The shame didnât even hit you until you opened the door, stepped back into the hall, and looked toward Heeseungâs room.
You didnât remember walking from the bathroom to his door. Not really. Your body moved on instinct, fingers still damp with failure, breath shallow and uneven like youâd been runningânot down a hallway, but in circles inside your own skin. Everything felt hot and wrong, like you were standing too close to something dangerous and still leaning closer.
The light from under his door was soft, pale blue. The kind of glow that came from a computer screen and sleepless hours. It made the hallway feel colder. Your skin felt clammy beneath your hoodie, thighs still tacky with your own arousal, pulse thudding hard behind your ears. You didnât even try to calm yourself before raising your hand. There wasnât enough time. There wasnât enough anything left.
You knocked.
Soft, quick. Regretted it immediately.
Nothing.
The silence on the other side stretched just long enough to make you feel stupid. You shouldâve gone back to Evieâs room. Shouldâve locked the bathroom door and buried your face in your hands like you always did. Shouldâve swallowed the shame and left it to rot where it always did: at the bottom of your throat.
Your hand was already dropping when the doorknob turned.
Heeseung opened the door halfway, leaning into the frame, and for a second you couldnât speak. You werenât expecting him to look like thatâhoodie sleeves pushed up to his forearms, collar askew, hair a damp mess like heâd run his hands through it one too many times. His sweatshorts hung low on his hips, legs bare, skin flushed warm like heâd just come out of the shower⌠or just come. You had no way of knowing which. And it made your brain short-circuit either way.
He didnât look surprised to see you. Just confused.
His eyes dragged down your body with a slow kind of calculation, and you swore you saw the moment they caught on the way your thighs were pressed together, your bare legs twitching under the hem of your hoodie. The way your breath hitched in your throat. The way your fingersâstill wet, still tremblingâcurled tighter at your side.
He blinked once, brows pulling in slightly.
âYou good?â
The question was simple, quiet. But it hit like an echo in a room with no furniture. You were not good. Not even close.
Your voice came out before you could soften it. Flat, direct. âDo you have a girlfriend?â
He blinked again. Caught off guard this time.
ââŚWhat?â
âI just need to know,â you said quickly, words tumbling over each other. âBefore I say anything. It matters.â
He stared at you for a beat, mouth twitching like he wasnât sure if he should be amused or suspicious.
âNo. I donât.â
You exhaled like someone had untied a knot inside your chest.
âFuck.â
His eyes narrowed slightly. âWhat?â
âIf you said yes,â you muttered, eyes darting to the floor, âI wouldâve had an excuse not to ask you.â
That made him pause.
He shifted his weight, crossed his arms over his chest, leaned into the doorframe like he was settling in. His voice was a little lower when he asked, âAsk me what?â
Your whole body burned. There was no easy way to say it. No casual phrasing. No safe distance between you and the truth anymore. You didnât have the energy to dance around it.
âYou said something last night,â you started, forcing yourself to look at him. âAbout girls who canât finish. About how theyâre not listening to their bodies.â
He watched you carefully. No expression, just the slow, measured study of a man waiting for the rest.
âI heard it,â you added. âBy accident. But itâs been stuck in my head. And I thoughtâI donât know, I thought maybe you were right.â
Still nothing. Just his gaze crawling over your face, down to your knees, like he was trying to see where this was going before letting himself speak.
You swallowed, the taste of failure still thick in your throat. âI tried again tonight. Bathroom. Just now. Iâve been trying for years, and itâs always the same. Nothing works. I canât finish. I touch myself, and it justâgoes nowhere.â
Your cheeks burned. You didnât even know why you were telling him all this. You barely knew the guy. The last time youâd had a real conversation was probably three birthdays ago when he offered you a ride and you said no because he smelled like weed and fuckboy cologne.
But here you were. Standing in front of him like some half-dressed, sweat-slick confession, spilling everything.
And he still hadnât said a word.
Your next breath shook as it left you.
âI donât want you to touch me,â you said, quieter now. âI just want to ask⌠if youâd tell me what to do.â
That got something out of him. A small breath through his nose, not quite a laugh, not quite disbelief. His eyes droppedâlower this timeâto your legs again, to the edge of your hoodie, to the bare skin flushed and prickling under the hallway air.
He nodded once toward you, chin tilting. âYour handâs still wet.â
You froze.
His voice was low, unreadable. âYou tried that hard, huh?â
You didnât answer. You couldnât.
He stepped back.
Just a few inches. Just enough to open the door wider. The light from inside poured out around him, cool and soft and full of static.
He held your gaze.
 âCome in. Close the door behind you.â
The door shuts with a soft click behind you, and just like that, the house disappears. Evieâs room, the hallway, your entire carefully contained worldâit all drops away. Thereâs only the low glow of his monitor casting pale blue light across the carpet and the quiet hum of something electric in the corner, like the room itself is holding its breath.
You hover near the door for a second, not sure what to do with your hands, your legs, your shame.
Heeseungâs already sitting, legs wide in his desk chair, turned toward you like he was waiting the whole night for this. He shifts, pushes himself up slightly, and drags the chair forwardâlazily, unbotheredâuntil it sits right in front of the bed. Close enough that if you spread your legs, heâd have a front-row seat.
Then he flips the chair around, straddling it backwards like some cocky delinquent in detention, arms crossed over the backrest, chin resting casually on top. His expression doesnât change. He just watches you.
âGo ahead,â he says, voice calm and low, like this is just another Tuesday night. âSit.â
You make your way to the bed, legs tense, breath shallow, and perch at the edge like it might bite. Your thighs clench on instinct, hoodie pulled low, trying to shield what you already know heâs seen. Youâre still warm from the bathroom. Still soaked. Still aching.
His eyes drift down. Slow. Lazy. No shame.
You fidget.
Heeseung doesnât move. âDonât get shy on me now. You came in here asking for a masturbation lesson, not a bedtime story.â
Your lips twitch. You almost laugh. Almost.
He lifts his chin. âTell me what you usually do.â
The question lands harder than it should. Not because itâs dirty, but because itâs so simple.
You blink. âLike⌠where I touch?â
âYeah.â
You hesitate. âI usually just go straight to my clit.â
âFigures.â He doesnât miss a beat. âAnd then what? Rub the fuck out of it âtil it gets sore and wonder why it doesnât work?â
Your mouth falls open in a small gasp. âExcuse me?â
He shrugs one shoulder, unbothered. âDonât take it personal. Thatâs what most girls do. Itâs not your fault you think the goal is speed over sense.â
You donât respond, but your silence is answer enough.
He leans in a little, forearms resting on the chair back, gaze glued to your bare thighs. Thereâs no hunger in itânot yet. Just observation. Like heâs assessing you.
âIf your pussy had a voice,â he says smoothly, âsheâd be screaming at you to chill the fuck out.â
Youâre quiet for a long second. Because the worst part is⌠heâs not wrong.
He watches you squirm, and something like amusement passes over his features. Not cruel, but smug.
âTake your time,â he says, gentler now. âYou rush her, she locks up. Doesnât matter how wet you are.â
ââŚShe?â you murmur, lifting a brow.
Heeseung shrugs again, like itâs obvious. âYeah. She.â His eyes flick to yours. âYou donât gotta name her or write poetry about her, but you should probably stop treating her like a vending machine.â
Your laugh breaks before you can stop it. Quick and sharp, nerves bleeding out of your throat. âYouâre so annoying.â
âAnd yet, youâre still here,â he says with a smirk, eyes dark. âGo on. Show me how you start.â
Everything tightens. You feel the weight of his voice low in your belly.
You donât move right away.
He raises a brow. âYou said you didnât want me to touch you. Thatâs cool. But I need to see what youâre doing wrong.â
Your breath hitches.
Your hand moves on instinctâslow, shakyâand dips beneath the hem of your hoodie, then under the band of your panties. Youâre already wet. Embarrassingly wet. And when your fingers graze over your clit, you flinch. Itâs too sensitive. Too much. Your hips jerk a little, and you pretend not to notice the way his eyes follow the motion.
You rub. Once. Twice. Itâs not bad. Itâs what you always do.
But stillânothing clicks.
Heeseung tilts his head. âYouâre too stiff.â
âIâm nervous,â you admit quietly.
âDonât be.â His voice drops half an octave. âYou look hot.â
The way he says itâit doesnât sound like a compliment. Just a fact. Like heâs telling you what time it is. Like your soaked fingers and clenched thighs are something heâs been picturing all night.
âYouâre thinking too much,â he adds. âTrying to force it instead of feel it.â
Your hand stills.
He leans forward slightly, his voice quieter now, more intimate. âTry this. Press your hand flat. Just hold her. No rubbing. No tapping. Just⌠feel her.â
You hesitate, then obey.
The flat of your hand settles between your legs, heat blooming up your arm from the contact. Your whole body clenches around it.
âFeel that?â
You nod. Barely.
âThatâs what she likes,â he murmurs. âYouâve been poking at her like sheâs a fucking keyboard. No wonder sheâs not putting out.â
You let out a breathy laughâhalf scandalized, half aroused. âYouâre unbelievable.â
âAnd youâre soaking through your panties,â he says, deadpan.
Your breath catches. Heeseung doesnât laugh. Doesnât look away.
He sits there like heâs got all the time in the world. Like heâs doing you a favor. Like heâs enjoying this. Youâre not even sure heâs hard yetâbut he will be. You can feel it building. Between you. In you.
He lets the moment hang.
Then: âNowâslow circles. Donât speed up unless she tells you to.â
âShe doesnât talk,â you whisper, teasing without confidence.
His gaze is heavy. Steady.
âShe does,â he says, voice like heat sliding under your skin. âYou just havenât been listening.â
The room feels hotter now.
Not just the airâyour skin, your mouth, your thighs. Sweat clings to the backs of your knees, damp beneath the bunched-up hoodie, and your panties are so wet theyâre practically glued to one thigh. Your hips keep twitching without your permission, rolling up slightly with every pass of your fingers. Itâs not graceful. Itâs not some porn fantasy. Itâs messy and uneven and real, and Heeseung is watching every second of it like itâs the only thing worth watching.
You keep thinking you should feel embarrassed. Ashamed. Youâre spread open on his bed, hand stuffed between your legs, whining softly every time you stroke a little too hard and have to ease back againâbut youâre too far gone now to stop. Your cheeks are flushed, lashes wet, lips parted, and you canât look away from him.
He hasnât blinked once.
Heeseung is still straddling the backward chair, elbows resting on the top, chin on one hand like this is casual. Normal. Like youâre just some half-naked girl jerking off in front of him for practice and heâs your substitute teacher for the night.
The only thing thatâs changed is his posture.
His knees are spread wider than before. His forearms are tense. One hand grips the edge of the chair a little tighter every time your body jerks, and you donât miss the way his jaw flexes every time your breath stutters or your voice cracks.
Youâre doing this to him.
But not enough.
Not enough to make it stop hurting. Not enough to make the ache go away. Not enough to finish.
Youâre trying. God, you��re trying.
Your fingers rub in slow circles, not too fast now. Youâre listening. You are. But your body keeps tensing at the edge, like itâs scared to fall off the cliff itâs been building for years. Your handâs cramping. Your clit throbs. Your stomach clenches like youâre closeâand then it dips, again and again.
Itâs good. So good.
But itâs not enough.
You choke on a frustrated sound, somewhere between a sob and a moan, and your free hand fists the blanket beneath you like itâs the only thing keeping you grounded.
Heeseung speaks, finally, voice low and steady. âStill rushing her.â
âIâm not,â you whisper.
âYou are. I can see it.â
You shake your head, breath stuttering. âIâm not trying toâI swear, Iâmââ You gasp. âItâs justâitâs notââ
You stop. Words catch in your throat. Your hips are rocking now, involuntarily, chasing a sensation that keeps pulling away the second you get close. Your fingers are wet, your pussyâs pulsing, and it still feels like youâre just rubbing up against a wall.
âItâs not enough,â you breathe out, broken. âIâI canâtâfuckâsheâs not listening.â
Heeseung leans forward slightly, something sharp flashing in his eyes.
âOh, sheâs listening,â he says. âYouâre just not talking to her the right way.â
You whimper. âThen tell me what to say.â
That makes his mouth twitchâjust barely. Like heâs been waiting for that.
âTell me what sheâs feeling first.â
âIââ Your voice cracks. âSheâs tight. Warm. I feel herâpulsing. Like she wants something butâsheâs not opening.â
He tilts his head slightly, gaze dark. âShe wants to be filled.â
You nod.
âNo,â he says. âSay it.â
Your chest heaves. Your hand hasnât stopped moving, rubbing slow, desperate circles around your clit. âShe wants to be filled.â
âSay it like you mean it.â
âShe wants to be fucking filled,â you whine. âSheâs throbbingâsheâs soakingâfuck, I can feel her squeezing nothing.â
Heeseung exhales slowly, eyes flicking down between your legs again.
âThere you go,â he murmurs. âNow sheâs talking.â
Your fingers glide lower, catching more slick and sliding back up. Everythingâs soaked. Youâre dripping down onto the sheets, and your thighs are trembling from the strain of keeping your hips lifted just right.
âShe needs more,â you pant. âSheâs clenchingâsheâs starvingââ
Heeseungâs hand flexes around the edge of the chair again. His voice drops, almost to a growl. âSo feed her.â
You moanâhigh and breathyâand press harder, circling your clit faster now, the way your body wants. Your lips are wet, your fingers slipping, but it doesnât matter. Everything is slick and hot and alive.
âYouâre soaked,â he mutters, eyes burning into you. âLook at your fucking fingers.â
You do. Itâs obscene. Your hand shines in the light, your fingers coated in slick. You barely recognize your own body like this. Ruined. Responsive.
âSheâs begging,â he says softly. âAnd youâre finally listening.â
You whine, eyes squeezing shut. Your free hand presses against your lower belly, trying to hold the heat in. Your pussy twitches at the pressure.
âSheâs so fucking greedy,â you gasp. âShe wonât stop pullingâI canâtâI canât keep upââ
âYou donât have to,â he says. âShe knows what sheâs doing. Let her take it.â
You donât even realize how loud youâve gotten until you hear yourself moan againâshameless, cracked open, shaking from the inside out.
Your legs spread wider. Youâre not trying to hide anymore. Not from him. Not from yourself.
Youâre right there.
Youâre going to break.
Heâs just watching. Like itâs his favorite thing heâs ever seen.
Youâre right on the edge, and this time itâs not teasing.
Itâs sharp. Fast. Inevitable.
Your legs are trembling now, hips jerking with every motion, and your fingers are soakedâslipping against your clit, coating your inner thighs, dripping down the crease of your ass like your bodyâs trying to fuck itself open. Every stroke sends another wave of tension through you, and thereâs no holding it anymore. Your body is begging. Your pussyâs leaking, twitching, clenching around nothingâand Heeseung watches like itâs the most natural thing in the world.
You donât even realize youâre moaning until you hear it echo back at you in the small room. High-pitched. Desperate. Wet.
The sound of your pussy is louder now too. Sticky and obscene, each rub slicker than the last. You can hear it every time you roll your hips into your palm.
Heeseung doesnât say a word for a second too long.
You lift your head, eyes glazed over, panting.
His eyes are darker now. Half-lidded. Focused on your pussy like heâs reading it better than your face.
He shifts in his chair. Spreads his knees wider. His hand dips into the front of his sweatshorts, slow and casual, like he canât ignore it anymore. You catch a glimpse of his fingers wrapping around himselfâand your breath catches so hard your vision blurs.
Heâs so hard.
His voice comes out deeper. Filthy. Measured like itâs the only thing anchoring him in the room.
âLook at that messy little cunt.â
Your body jerks at the word. Youâve never heard it said like that. Never felt it hit like that.
Heeseung strokes himself once, slow and firm under the fabric.
âSheâs drooling all over your fingers. So fucking hungry. Bet sheâs never been this loud for you before.â
âShe hasnât,â you breathe. âShe neverâshe neverââ
âYouâve been starving her,â he says, still jerking himself lazily. âTouching her like sheâs a problem instead of a fucking meal.â
Your hand speeds up, and he sees it. Hears the slap of slick. Youâre humping into your fingers now, sloppy and desperate and so close you could scream.
Heeseung leans forward, one elbow braced against the back of the chair.
âYou wanna cum, baby?â
You nod frantically, but itâs not enough.
âUse your words.â
Your voice comes out cracked. âYes. PleaseâI wanna cumâI need itââ
âNeed what?â he pushes.
âI need her to fucking break,â you sob. âSheâs clenchingâsheâs beggingâshe needs to cum, she needs itââ
âThen let her,â he growls. âDonât fucking hold it. Let her make a mess.â
You whimper, fingers frantic, back arching off the bed.
And thatâs when he says itâlow and hot and foul.
âLet her fuck your fingers, slut.â
You snap.
Your body locks up, then shatters. You cum so hard your legs shake, hips jerking forward, thighs squeezing around your own hand as your pussy gushes over your fingers in sticky, messy waves. The moan that rips from your throat is broken, cracked, half-wet from tears.
It doesnât hit you right away.
At first, thereâs just white. Blinding. A full-body seizure of pleasure as your cunt clenches around nothing, soaking your own fingers, mouth open in a moan that doesnât even sound like you.
It crashes over you fast. Wet. Messy.
You cum harder than you ever have in your lifeâharder than you thought was even possibleâand your body just keeps going, hips jerking, slick dripping past your knuckles, your voice cracking on every gasp.
Heeseung is still there.
You know he is. You can feel his eyes on you, feel his breath in the space between your bodies, but you canât look at him. Not right now. Not like this.
And then it fades.
That warm, bright static in your brain flickers out. Your thighs twitch. Your hand finally drops, fingers soaked, wrist aching, clit too sensitive to touch again.
Whatâs left is the sound of your breathing. The slick, wet mess beneath your hips. The embarrassment flooding in all at once like a second wave.
Reality slams back into you hard.
Youâre laid out across his bedâsweaty, flushed, thighs spread wide and soaked all the way down to the crease of your ass. Your pussyâs still twitching, swollen and glistening, your panties bunched at one knee, hoodie halfway pushed up your stomach.
Your fingers shine in the low light. Still wet. Still shaking.
You sit up fast, panic sweeping over your skin like ice water. âShitâfuck.â
Your hand fumbles to pull your hoodie down, yanking it over your thighs, shoving your panties back into place even though theyâre absolutely soaked through. The fabric clings wetly to your pussy and only makes the mess feel worse.
Heeseung hasnât moved.
Still in the chair. Still one hand inside his shorts. He looks completely unbothered. Calm. Like you didnât just cum your entire soul out in front of him.
You canât meet his eyes.
He watches you fuss with the hem of your hoodie, your hands still trembling slightly as you try to make yourself look decent.
âDidnât say stop,â he says mildly.
You glare at him, cheeks burning. âI came. Pretty sure thatâs the goal, right?â
He shrugs one shoulder. âJust surprised youâre acting all shy now. That pussy was practically talking thirty seconds ago.â
âJesusââ you squeeze your eyes shut, bury your face in your hands.
Heeseung grins. Not mean. Not mocking. Just amused.
âYou do realize how loud you were, right?â he adds. âI thought the bed was gonna snap in half.â
âPlease stop talking,â you groan, voice muffled.
âYou were crying,â he says like itâs a compliment, hand still lazily palming himself under his shorts. âThat shit was beautiful.â
You peek at him through your fingers. Heâs still hard. Still watching you with that same steady calm, like this is fine. Like this is normal.
He doesnât even seem fazed.
That somehow makes the ache between your legs flare again. Weak, overstimulated, but greedy.
You clear your throat. âI didnât realize Iâum. That I could⌠do that.â
He raises an eyebrow. âCum?â
You shoot him a look.
Heeseung laughs, finally letting go of himself. âYouâve been fighting her for years. All I did was give you directions.â
You tuck your knees up into your chest, arms wrapped around them. You feel like you just stripped naked in front of someone who stayed fully clothedâand now heâs just lounging there like you didnât just show him the most private part of yourself.
You sit in that awkward silence for a few seconds longer.
Heeseung stretches, chair creaking slightly. âSo,â he says, tone casual. âLesson two tomorrow?â
You blink.
ââŚThereâs a second lesson?â
He smiles slow, eyes dropping to your thighs again. âYou think sheâs done learning?â
Your pussy twitches beneath your soaked panties.
-
Your legs are still weak from the first night when you leave.
Just a few days back home. Just a quick visit. You didnât think it would matterâbut the second you cross the county line, your pussy starts aching like she knows sheâs been abandoned. Like she misses his voice already.
You think about texting him before you even unpack your overnight bag.
 It starts that fastâbarely through the front door, barely through dinner with your parents, barely through pretending to care about someoneâs new side hustle or whatever cousin just had a baby, and already your mind is slipping.Â
Already youâre restless. Already your body feels too awake. You can still feel the slick sticking to the inside of your thighs from last night, from the way he sat in that chair like he was doing you a favor while you touched yourself for the first time like it meant something. It hasnât gone away. The ache stayed with you.Â
That trembling throb between your legs that didnât fade after one orgasmâor twoâor three. And now, here you are. Sitting in your childhood bedroom like you didnât just learn how to listen to your pussy in someone elseâs bed with someone elseâs voice in your ear.
You last all of twelve hours. Maybe thirteen if you count sleep, but thatâs cheating. You keep checking your phone like a freak. Not even for a messageâjust to see his name.
 You scroll through the notifications like maybe heâll magically show up. You open his contact. Stare at the little circle icon. You type a text. Delete it.Â
Type again. Delete. Pace the room. Pull your hair up. Let it fall. Lie on the bed. Toss the blanket off. Roll onto your stomach, then your back, then sit up again because your bodyâs too hot and your thoughts wonât stop dragging back to the sound of his voice saying âGood girl. Sheâs listening now.â
You try to distract yourself. Put music on. Stare at the ceiling. Scroll through reels. But the tension is building and itâs not casual. Itâs deep. Itâs mean.Â
Like your pussyâs crawling up your spine and whispering call him over and over again. And finally, like a fucking addict, you give in.
You donât try to be subtle. Your fingers tremble as you type the messageââCan I call you?ââand hit send before you can regret it. Your breath catches in your throat. Heart pounding. Shame twisting in your gut like youâve already crossed a line and he hasnât even replied. But then your phone buzzes. Two texts in a row. You click without thinking.
No. Iâll call you.
Speaker on. Hands ready. Nothing else.
You donât even get a second to prepare. The call comes in instantly, and you fumble to answer it, press speaker, toss the phone onto your pillow and sit back, legs shaking under your blanket. Youâre wearing nothing but a big t-shirtâno bra, no panties. Like your body already knew what was coming.
His voice is in your ear the second the line connects.
Low. Thick. Wrecked.
âYou waited all day just to fuck yourself to my voice, didnât you?â
The sound alone makes your thighs clamp together. You canât answer. You donât know what to say. You feel called out, ruined, exposed, and he hasnât even seen you.
âYouâre pathetic,â he breathes, and itâs not cruelâitâs reverent. Like heâs turned on by the depth of your desperation. âYou left for less than twenty-four hours and sheâs already starving.â
Your breath comes out shaky. âShe hasnât shut up.â
âI bet. That little pussyâs been crying for attention, hasnât she? Soaking your panties, throbbing for no reason. Did you even try to touch her?â
Your hand slides down your stomach. Shame floods your chest. âI tried last night.â
âAnd?â
Your fingers drift over your mound, soft and slow.
ââŚDidnât work.â
âOf course it didnât.â He doesnât miss a beat. âBecause sheâs not trained to your fingers. Sheâs trained to my voice.â
You nearly choke.
âTake the blanket off.â
You do.
âT-shirt stays. I want you messy under it. Like a filthy little secret.â
You obey, chest rising. The air hits your bare skin and your nipples pebble instantly under the thin cotton. You slide your hand under the hem and find yourself dripping alreadyâyour folds slippery and warm, your clit throbbing at the first brush.
âFuck. Youâre already wet.â
You donât answer.
âDonât ignore me. Say it.â
You whimper. âIâm wet.â
âWhere?â
Your hand slides lower. âEverywhere.â
âLet me hear it.â
You drag your fingers through your folds, then lift them to the mic.
Squish. Slick. Wet.
âJesus Christ,â he breathes. âSheâs fucking leaking for me.â
âShe wonât stop,â you pant. âSheâs been clenchingâsheâs needy. I canâtâI canât even think straight.â
âShe doesnât need you to think. She needs you to listen.â
You nod like he can see you.
âYou touching your clit yet?â
âNo,â you whisper. âJust teasing.â
âDonât tease her. Feed her.â
You obey. Your fingers find your clit and press slow, warm circles into the swollen skin. Your hips twitch immediately. Your body jolts with relief. Like itâs been waiting for this.
âFuck. Thatâs it. Let her roll her hips. Let her grind on your fingers.â
You do.
And you moan. Loud. Wet. Pathetic.
âYou sound like youâre crying.â
âI might be,â you choke out. âIâmâIâve been on edge all day. Sheâs screamingââ
âThen shut her up.â
Your fingers move faster. Your breath turns ragged. The slick is everywhere nowâcoating your palm, sliding down your ass, soaking the sheets beneath you. You can hear itâslap, slap, slapâand you know he can too.
âGod, listen to her,â he says. âSheâs fucking talking again. Slapping wet, loud as hell, crying to be filled.â
Your thighs start to shake.
âDonât you dare stop.â
âHeeseungâfuck, Iâm closeââ
âShe wants to cum. So let her.â
You cum hard, back arching, legs tensed, voice cracking open around a sob as your pussy convulses around nothingâjust your fingers, just your shame, just his voice dragging it out of you with nothing but command.
âAgain,â he growls. âDonât you dare take your hand off her. You begged for this. You waited all fucking day for it.â
You keep going. Because you canât stop. Because this is his now.
-
You donât get a break.
Heeseung doesnât let you.
After that first callâthe one where you came so hard you swore you saw starsâyou thought maybe the tension would ease up. Maybe youâd get to breathe. But you donât. Because the second you wake up the next morning, thereâs already a text waiting for you.
Morning. She hungry?
Your pussy clenches on reflex.
You bite your lip, cheeks flushing under the covers.
Yes.
His reply is instant.
Good. edge yourself until youâre shaking. No cumming. No cheating. Youâll send me a pic of your fingers when youâre done.
Thatâs it. No teasing. No sweet talk. Just commands. Direct. Cruel. And of courseâyou obey.
You finger yourself that morning with shaking hands, grinding into your palm in the silence of your old bedroom with one hand over your mouth to muffle your cries. You stop just short of release three times. Your panties are soaked. The sheets beneath you are ruined.
You send the photo.
Two slick fingers, gleaming. One droplet hanging from your wrist like a taunt.
He doesnât reply until hours later.
Beautiful. Donât clean her up. Let her stick to your skin. I want her to haunt you all day.
Thatâs how it starts.
Sometimes itâs a call. Sometimes itâs just a photo prompt. Sometimes itâs voice notesâlow, slow, whispered filth that you replay in the bathroom on full volume with your thighs clenched so tight you can barely breathe.
Another day: make a mess on your favorite pair of panties. Send proof. Donât wash them. Fold them and put them in your drawer like a secret. Like she remembers.
When you canât callâfamily dinners, company in the house, a wedding eventâhe doesnât complain. He just adapts.
He sends you three voice notes in a row, each one filthier than the last.
âAre you wearing panties right now?â
âSheâs wet just from this, isnât she?â
âPut your phone between your legs. Let my voice buzz against her while you grind.â
You do. In the middle of the day. On the edge of your childhood bed. With the door locked and your hand clamped over your mouth to muffle the sound of you cumming on command.
Every time you text him, he knows what you need before you say it.
On your knees. Two fingers. Say my name when you finish. Thatâs all.
You cum like a trained animal.
By the end of the fourth day, youâre overstimulated and aching. Your cunt stays warm. Your clit stays swollen. You canât think straight without hearing his voice. You canât fall asleep without a pillow between your legs and your phone under your ear, replaying the way he said your name like it tasted good.
He doesnât let you get comfortable.
I want her ruined by the time you get back. Wet stains on your thighs. Bruised from your own fingers. No excuses. You belong to me now, yeah?
-
Youâre at the dinner table when the text comes in.
Thereâs a bowl of pasta in front of you. Your uncleâs talking about traffic. Your momâs pouring more wine. And your phone buzzes in your lapâone tiny, harmless vibration you almost ignore until you see the name on your lockscreen.
Heeseung.
Your chest tightens immediately. A hot ripple runs down your spine. You unlock it under the table, heart already picking up speed, thighs pressed tight together like thatâs gonna help anything.
You expect a voice note. Maybe an instruction. Instead, itâs just a single message.
Donât open this here. Iâm serious.
You excuse yourself. Bathroom. You try to walk casually, but your legs feel unstable, like your body knows whatâs coming and is bracing for it. You shut the door. Lock it. Sit down on the closed toilet seat. And then you open the message.
Itâs not a photo. Not a voice note. Just a block of text.
And it destroys you.
I want you dripping. Right now. I want your thighs sticky. I want your pussy hot and twitching and swollen like sheâs just been edged for an hour and sheâs still not allowed to cum. I want her pulsing around nothing. Squeezing air. Leaking like she misses my cock even though sheâs never had it. Thatâs how good I want her trained. That she misses me even though Iâve never fucked her. I want you to slide your hand into your panties and feel her spit for me. Feel how filthy sheâs gotten just from reading my words. Not even hearing my voice. Just letters on a screen and sheâs frothing like a brainless little thing. I want her throbbing. Sore. Pink. Aching. I want you to pull your panties to the side and look at what Iâve done to you. How she opens for nothing. How she clenches for nothing. How she cries, fucking cries, when she doesnât get touched. I want her messy. Slutty. Wet enough to embarrass you. Wet enough you canât clean it up with one tissue. Wet enough that if someone walked into that bathroom right now, theyâd smell her. No fingers. Not yet. Just pressure. Palm down. Let her hump. Let her grind. Let her get yourself dirty. She knows what to do. She doesnât need permission anymore. Youâre gonna leak down your leg just reading this, arenât you? Sheâs already twitching. Already soaking. She knows what she is now. A thing that exists to be used. To be made wet. To be trained.
You stare at your screen. Eyes wide. Chest heaving.
And you feel itâthat slow, steady drip.
You slide your hand down between your legs and whimper when your fingers meet your pantiesâsoaked through. Hot and sticky, your folds puffy and swollen, everything throbbing with need.
You spread your legs wider. Thereâs no stopping it. You have to.
You push your panties aside, just like he said, and when you look down, your cunt is shining. Slick lips parted, clit swollen and begging, a string of wet clinging between your folds when you breathe too hard.
You cup her with your whole palm and rock once.
You grind again. Harder. The heel of your hand pressing directly on your clit. Your hips move faster, panting now, forehead pressed against your bent knee as your pussy humps your own hand like sheâs starved.
Youâre fucking yourself with no fingers. Just pressure. Just filth. Just his words rotting your brain and your pussy loving it.
You donât stop until your legs lock, jaw clenched tight to muffle the moan that rips through your throat. Your pussy convulses, grinding down hard, cumming in waves against your own palm until youâre crying silently, thighs soaked, panties a mess, body twitching from the force of it.
When itâs over, youâre wrecked. You sit there in silence. Breathing heavy. Panties still pulled to the side, hand drenched, cunt gaping and twitching like sheâs still looking for him.
You snap a photo.
Not of your face. Just your hand. Soaked. Ruined. Slick covering your wrist, dripping down your knuckles.
You send it. No caption. A minute later, his reply lights up your screen.
Thatâs how sheâs supposed to look. Every day until you get home.
-
You donât even knock.
You could, but whatâs the point? He told you to come over as soon as you got back. No texts. No warning. Just a short message yesterday night:
You better show up dripping.
And you are.
The shorts you wore are damp at the crotch, your hoodie clinging to the sweat on your lower back. Every shift of your thighs against the car seat on the drive over made you squirm. By the time youâre standing in front of his door, your cunt is throbbing. Empty. Trained. Starving.
He opens it like he already knew you were there.
Barefoot. Hoodie. Nothing underneath.
He stares at you for a second, quiet. His eyes drop to your legs, to the way youâre fidgeting, clenching, trying not to press your thighs together. He doesnât smile. He doesnât speak.
Just opens the door wider and lets you in.
You step past him. Silent. Heat prickling under your skin. His presence is loud, even without words. You can feel the pressure building alreadyâyour pussy knows. Sheâs aware. Aware of the air, of the scent of him, of how close he is now after five days of only hearing him through a speaker.
He closes the door behind you. And waits.
You turn to him, hands still curled into your sleeves. âI did everything.â
He lifts a brow. âYeah?â
You nod. Swallow hard. âEvery day.â
Heeseung steps forward slowly. Stops in front of you. His eyes flick down, over your body, like heâs looking for confirmation.
âYou leaking?â
Your breath catches. âYes.â
âProve it.â
Your heart slams against your ribs. But you donât hesitate.
Your fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts and tug them down in one smooth motion. They hit the floor and you step out of them, bare underneath, thighs sticky and glistening. Your hoodie barely covers your hips now. One inch higher and heâd see everything.
He doesnât touch you.
âShow me,â he says, voice low.
Your breath hitches againâbut you drop to your knees. Not because he asked. Because your body knows what to do now.
You kneel between his feet on the hardwood floor, hands moving to part your thighs so he can see. You pull the hoodie up to your waist and slide two fingers between your foldsâdripping. It spreads so easily. Glossy. Viscous. Your pussy folds open for your own touch like itâs nothing new. Like sheâs been practicing all week.
You keep your eyes on him the whole time.
And when your fingers come back up, soaked and glistening, you hold them out. Heeseung watches you in silence.
Then leans forward, slow and deliberate. He takes your fingers into his mouth and sucksâdeep, slow, tongue curling around them like itâs a reward.
Your hips jerk slightly. Your cunt clenches hard. He pulls off with a wet pop and stares down at you.
âShe tastes trained.â
You nod.
âShe beg yet?â
You exhale. âShe never shut up.â
He clicks his tongue. âYeah?â
Then he grabs your jaw. Fingers firm but not rough, tilting your face up to his.
âYou want her filled?â
You nod again. âPlease.â
âNot yet,â he says. âSheâs not ready.â
âIâm readyâsheâs so ready, Iâve beenââ
âI donât care what you think. Youâre not here to make decisions. Youâre here to do what I say.â He lets go of your face. âYou wanna get fed? Earn it. Lay down. Show me how she begs.â
You scramble onto the bed.
Flat on your back. Legs spread. Cunt on display. Dripping.
Youâre already on your back, knees drawn up, thighs spread and trembling, cunt pulsing with heat thatâs been building all week. You donât try to hide it. You canât. Your pussyâs wet. Loud. Lips glossy and parted, folds flushed and twitching like she knows the moment has finally come. Sheâs been teased. Trained. Denied. Youâve been filling her with fingers and pressure and your own voice, but never this. Never him. And now heâs standing at the edge of the bed, staring down at you like heâs finally ready to eat.
But he doesnât touch you first.
He picks your shorts up off the floor, turns them inside outâand finds your soaked panties tangled in the legs. He peels them out slowly, sticky with your slick, the thin fabric darkened and clinging to itself. You watch, breath caught, legs still open, burning with shame as he brings them up to his face.
And sniffs.
Deep.
He inhales like itâs a fucking ritual. Eyes half-lidded. Thumb pressing into the crotch to smear the wetness around before dragging it across his lip. His tongue flicks outâtastes it.
âJesus fuck,â he mutters under his breath. âSheâs been marinating in this.â
Your body jolts. Your hands fist the sheets.
âSheâs loud, too.â His voice drops lower. âI havenât even touched her and sheâs already talking. Look at her. Fucking twitching. Dripping. Spreading herself open like she knows who she belongs to.â
âHeeseungââ You whimper.
âShut up.â
He tosses your panties to the side and climbs onto the bed, slow and smooth, eyes never leaving your cunt. He settles between your legs and just kneels there for a moment. Breathing her in. Hands on your thighs. Pushing them wider. Spreading you so open you can feel the air hit your slick.
Youâre soaked. You know it. You can feel it, the slick sliding down into the dip of your ass, the way your folds part with every breath, your clit poking out, hot and swollen.
He just stares.
âYou fucking trained her like this,â he mutters, almost to himself. âYou really did it. Came like a good little slut every night just to keep her hungry.â
âSheâs starving,â you whisper, voice shaking.
âI can see that.â
His thumbs press into the crease of your thighs, holding you open. His face lowers. Inches away. His breath hits your folds and your hips twitch violently.
He doesnât lick you.
Not yet.
He just hovers. His nose skims your inner thigh. Then up. Right up the slick slit, dragging his breath across your folds until your body shudders. He breathes her in againâthis time slower. Longer. Right at the source.
âGod,â he mutters. âShe fucking smells like obedience.â
You sob.
And then he spits.
Right on your pussy.
Hot. Heavy. Messy.
It splashes over your clit, drips between your folds, mixes with your slick and makes everything worse.
Your hips roll. You canât stop it.
âDonât you fucking move,â he growls. âSheâs getting attention. She better stay still.â
And finallyâfinallyâhis tongue drags up your slit. A long, slow lick from hole to clit that ends with his mouth wrapped around it, sucking hard.
Your hands fly to his hair. Your spine arches off the bed.
But he pins you with one forearm across your stomach and doesnât stop.
He eats you like a man starved. Like youâve been feeding her for him. Keeping her ready. Keeping her needy. His mouth is everywhereâtongue licking up everything youâve been saving, spit and slick and mess pooling under your ass while he moans into you.
âThatâs it,â he groans against your clit. âLet me taste five fucking days of begging.â
You cry out, thighs clenching.
But he slaps your pussy with his handâsharp, wet, punishing.
âOpen.â
You go limp. You canât fight it. You donât want to.
He eats you like itâs personal. Tongue flat. Licking. Circling. Spitting again. Your clitâs too swollen, too sensitive, but he doesnât care. He mumbles into youâfilth you can barely understand because heâs too focused on devouring.
âSheâs so fucking loud. She wonât shut up. You hear that?â
You do.
Your pussy makes noise with every lickâsquelching, wet, obscene.
âI didnât even fuck her yet,â he growls. âAnd sheâs already creaming.â
You try to cum. You try.
But he pulls back just as your thighs start to shake, just as your stomach seizes.
âNope. Sheâs not getting fed all the way until Iâve felt her on my cock.â
You nod frantically, fingers gripping the sheets, desperate.
Heeseung leans back, licking his lips, chin soaked, eyes wild.
âSheâs ready,â he says. âSheâs starving.â
Heâs already got two fingers hooked inside you when he tells you to open your mouth.
Not to kiss him. Not to speak. Just to take it.
He shoves his fingers past your lipsâsoaked in your own slick, the same fingers heâs been curling deep inside your cunt, dragging against that spot that makes your eyes roll back. You gag around them, moaning as the taste floods your tongueâsalty, sour, yours. He pushes them down onto your tongue, presses hard until your spit leaks out around them and drips down your chin.
âSwallow it,â he mutters, eyes locked on your face. âThatâs what obedience tastes like.â
You do. Of course you do.
Because youâd do anything he says.
And he knows it.
He wipes the slick from your lips with his thumb, drags it down your throat, then shifts forwardâkneeling between your trembling thighs, lining himself up with your soaked entrance like heâs been waiting years for this moment.
You stare down at his cock, thick and flushed and leaking at the tip, and your whole body tenses. Youâre already open, already dripping, already fucked dumbâbut none of itâs going to prepare you for this.
âLook at her,â he mutters under his breath, dragging the head of his cock through your folds, smearing pre-cum across your clit. âSheâs fucking begging.â
âShe wants it,â you pant, voice shaking. âPleaseââ
He doesnât give you time to finish.
He presses inâslow, deep, cruel.
The stretch hits you all at once. Your back arches. Your breath leaves you in a choked gasp, and your pussy clenches hardaround him, sucking him in inch by inch like she never wants to let him go.
âOhhh, fuck,â he groans. âSheâs trained alright.â
You moan. Loud. Desperate. Writhing beneath him as he bottoms out, his hips flush against your ass, his cock buried all the way to the base.
Sheâs full.
Finally fucking full.
Your cunt grips him tight, fluttering around his cock like sheâs been starving for itâand she has. Every inch of him hits something you didnât know existed. Your body shakes under the pressure. Youâre soaked. Stuffed. Used. And you want more.
âSay it,â he growls. âSay what she is.â
âSheâs yours,â you gasp. âSheâs a holeâyour holeâsheâs been waiting for thisââ
He pulls out halfway, then slams back in.
You scream.
âYouâre goddamn right sheâs mine,â he snarls. âYou trained her just to take my cock.â
You nod frantically, crying now, pleasure too thick in your throat to hold back.
He starts to fuck you in earnestâhard, relentless, loud. Skin slapping skin. His cock slick from your wetness, dragging through every twitch and squeeze, pressing deep, deeper, forcing your body to stay open for him. You feel it in your stomach. Your spine. Your fucking brain.
Every thrust knocks your thoughts loose. And you want to thank him. You want to feel him. You want to taste him.
So you lift your headâtry to kiss him.
You lean up, lips parting, mouth open and begging.
He pulls back.
His hand grabs your throat, presses you flat into the mattress. You gasp, eyes wide, blinking up at him in confusion. He smiles. Cruel. Mocking.
âNo,â he says coldly. âYou donât deserve to be kissed.â
Your breath shatters.
âKisses are for good girls,â he spits. âYouâre just a trained little hole.â
Your pussy clenches around him so violently he groans.
âThatâs all you are now, isnât it?â he sneers. âA stupid little cunt that opens on command. You get used, not kissed.â
Tears spill over your cheeks.
And you cum. Just like that.
From the words. From the shame. From the humiliation.
Your pussy spasms around his cock, soaking both of you as you scream into his hand still wrapped around your throat. Your hips jerk. Your vision goes white. But he doesnât stop.
He fucks you through it, hips pounding, cock punching into your oversensitive cunt like heâs trying to reprogram you from the inside out.
âThatâs it,â he pants. âLet her milk me. Let her show me how much she needed this.â
Youâre sobbing. Gasping. Too wrecked to speak.
âFucking knew it,â he groans. âYou were never gonna be satisfied until you got split open.â
He leans down, mouth right by your ear.
âBut donât ever reach for a kiss again. Sluts like you donât get kissed.â
Youâre already limp when he flips you.
Your body gives out so easilyâshoulders pressed into the mattress, arms numb, legs trembling, hips cocked up on instinct the second he yanks you onto your stomach. His hands drag you by the waist like a ragdoll. Like something boneless, brainless, ruined. Your face is buried in the pillow. Your cheek sticks to the fabric. Youâre crying, still, but thereâs no shame left. Just the raw ache of your cunt pulsing around nothingâbecause he pulled out.
You whine, pathetic and wordless, hips rolling back into the air, leaking down your thighs.
âStill hungry?â he mutters behind you.
You nod into the pillow.
âSay it.â
âSheâs empty,â you whimper. âSheâs twitchingâshe wants you back inâsheâs not doneâsheâs never doneââ
You gasp when the head of his cock slides back in. Just the tip.
He doesnât give you the rest.
You wiggle. Cry. Press your ass back against him and moan when your folds stretch again, split open all over his length.
âYou trained her to take it,â he says. âNow youâre gonna train her to keep it.â
He presses forward.
His cock buries to the hilt in one brutal thrust, and your whole body spasms. Your hands claw at the sheets. Your cunt clenches so violently it forces a sob out of your chest, high-pitched and broken. Youâre still sensitive. Still throbbing from the last orgasm. But he doesnât care.
He starts fucking you again like he owns you.
The slap of skin echoes in the room, wet and obscene, his cock pounding into your raw pussy like sheâs just a hole to conquer. You donât even try to move anymore. Your body takes it. Open, obedient, used.
âYou like that?â he pants. âYou like being my little fucktoy?â
âYeah, you do. Youâre trained now. A good little cocksleeve who comes when sheâs told. Cries when sheâs full. Cums from being humiliated.â
âI do,â you choke out. âIâm yoursâIâm your toyâjust your fucktoyâuse meâuse herââ
âThatâs it,â he growls. âThatâs what she wanted, isnât it? Not kindness. Not kisses. Just cock. Just someone to shove it in and remind her sheâs nothing but a messy, wet little pussy.â
He thrusts harder. You scream into the sheets.
âSheâs so loud,â he snarls. âSo fucking wet. Sheâs gushing. Every time I pull out she cries.â
You donât even recognize your own voice when you cum again.
Itâs raw. Ugly. Loud.
You screamâclawing at the sheets, nails ripping fabric, your body wracked with spasms as you squirt all over his cock, wet exploding out of you in waves, soaking the bed, your stomach, your thighs. You canât stop it. You donât want to.
He fucks you through itâharder.
âLet her break,â he growls. âLet her fucking split.â
And when your body finally collapses, hips falling, spine trembling, Heeseung doesnât even slow down.
He grabs your hips, hauls you up, and drives in deep one more timeâand stays there. His cock pulses inside you. Thick. Hot. Flooding you.
You feel it. You feel his cum shoot deep, thick ropes filling your already ruined pussy until your belly aches with it.
He stays inside. Keeps you cockwarmed, plugged full, hands rubbing down your spine like this is the aftercare.
Not words. Not love. Just being kept full. Like you should be.
You barely breathe. Your eyes are glassy. Your mouthâs open. You feel him lean over you. Feel the slow drag of his lips against your ear.
âYouâre not starved anymore,â he whispers. âSheâs fed now. Finally.â
You nod. Barely. Weak. Fucked out. His cock twitches.
âSheâs still twitching,â he murmurs. âShe wants to sleep like this.â
-
You wake up to the burn in your thighs.
The stretch. The ache. That slick-dried, too-sensitive sting between your legs from being filled for hours without a break. Your skinâs flushed. Clammy. You shift slightly under the covers, still half-asleep, and you feel itâhim.
Still there. Still inside you.
You blink. Breathe. Try to make sense of your bodyâbut the pressure between your legs is still warm. Your cunt clenches instinctively, and his cock twitches in response.
A slow, deep ache spreads in your gut.
His arm is draped over your waist. His chest is pressed against your back. Heâs asleepâsoft breaths on your shoulder, jaw resting against the side of your head. And his cock is still buried to the base in your pussy. Warm. Heavy. Plugging you full like it belongs there.
But something else creeps in too.
You lie there for a moment. Silent. Still. Pussy fluttering, heartbeat slowing, and that awful little ache growing in your chest. The one that started the second he pulled away last night. The one that settled into your ribs when you reached for him and he said âYou donât deserve to be kissed.â
You swallow. You whisper it before you even think about it.
âAre you really not gonna kiss me?â
Itâs soft. Not needy. Just⌠there.
His breath shifts against your skin. His arm tightens slightly around your waist.
You almost regret asking.
Until he exhales through his nose and mutters, voice rough and low and real, âIâm still fucking inside you, you brat. You think Iâm gonna spend the whole night cockwarming my favorite pussy and not kiss her in the morning?â
You twist under him, face flushed, and turn your head over your shoulderâand his mouth is already there.
No hesitation. He kisses you hard.
Mouth slanting over yours, tongue sliding in with no patience, lips full and hot and filthy with morning breath and spit. You moan into it, deep and broken, cunt clenching around his cock again like sheâs reacting to the kiss like itâs touch.
His hand grips your jaw, thumb dragging over your cheek as he devours your mouth. He licks into you like he means itâlike youâve earned itâlike heâs been wanting to do it since before he ever called you a slut.
Youâre whimpering into his mouth when it happens.
Your lips slide against his, sticky with spit, your breath still uneven from how long you spent crying into the pillow, your cunt still fluttering weakly around his cock. He hasnât pulled out. Heâs still inside you. Still twitching, half-hard again already, thick and warm, stretching your still-leaking pussy while your body curls back into him, needy and clingy and soft in a way you didnât get to be last night.
His hand cups your jaw now. Gentle. Finally. His thumb drags along your lower lip, slow and possessive, like heâs re-learning your mouth after denying it. His tongue pushes into you with unhurried filth, and your hips shift just barely, like your cuntâs trying to pull more of him in. Like she doesnât even know how to be empty anymore.
And then you hear it.
âHeeseung?â
Itâs distant. Not loud. Sleepy. But your blood freezes.
âHeyâhave you seen Y/N?â
Evie. Sheâs awake. The breath dies in your throat.
Your eyes fly open. Heeseungâs hand freezes on your jaw. Your whole body locks. His cock is still deep inside you, softening now, but still heavy. Still leaking. You can feel him dripping down your inner thighs as your brain flips inside out with panic.
âShit,â you mouth, barely audible.
Heeseung exhales through his nose, calm, but his arm is already tightening around your waist like heâs trying to figure out his next move in real time.
âY/N?â she calls again. âWhereâd you go?â
You scramble out of the bed like youâve been shot. Legs wobbly. Pussy sore. You trip over the blanket as you reach for your discarded clothes, yanking your hoodie on over your head, trying not to scream as your shorts catch on your ankle. Youâre still soaked, your panties still twisted around your thigh from where he shoved them earlier, and you can feel his cum still inside you, wet and hot and fucking obvious.
Heeseungâs already sitting up, dragging his hoodie on, running a hand through his hair to make it look like he just woke up.
Youâre panicking. âDo I go back to her room? What do I doâwhat if sheâs in the hallwayâ?â
Heeseung stands up, grabs your shoulders, kisses your forehead onceâquick, mocking, cockyâlike this is funny to him.
âBathroom. Now.â
You sprint for it. Just as he opens his door.
His voice is casual. Sleep-rough.
âYo.â
âYou seen Y/N? I woke up and she wasnât in bed. Her stuffâs still there though.â
Heeseung stretches in the doorway, voice smooth as fucking silk.
âNah, havenât seen her. She probably went to the bathroom.â
âShe didnât text me.â
âShe probably didnât want to wake you.â
Youâre crouched in the bathroom, hands over your mouth, hoodie soaked at the hem, thighs still trembling. You glance down and see a smear of his cum on your leg, glistening in the morning light like a neon sign of guilt.
âWhatever. Tell her Iâm making pancakes.â
âWill do.â
Door shuts. Heeseung turns, leans into the bathroom, finds you crouched by the sink.
âYou owe me.â
You punch his chest.
He grabs your wrist. Kisses it.
âDonât worry,â he whispers, voice low. âYouâll pay me back tonight."
-
Itâs early.
Evieâs downstairs making coffee. You can hear the clinking of mugs, the stupid hum of whatever playlist she plays when sheâs in a good mood.
Youâre in Heeseungâs lap. Hoodie on. No underwear. His backâs against the headboard, his cock deep inside you, and youâre grinding slowlyâhips circling, cunt fluttering, hands pressed to his chest to keep yourself upright.
Youâre not allowed to bounce. Not allowed to moan.
Just slow, controlled rollsâlike youâre milking him without giving yourself away.
âYou sound like you want her to know,â he whispers against your throat.
You shake your head. Breathe through your nose. Keep moving.
âThen be quiet, baby. Or Iâll hold your mouth and your hips still, and you wonât cum at all.â
You almost cry. He grabs your ass. Tilts your hips just right.
âIf she walks in, you better keep her name off your lips while I fill you up.â
You do. Barely.
You cum with your hand clamped over your mouth, twitching around his cock like you were made for itâand Heeseung cums seconds later, low and quiet, mouth on your collarbone.
Downstairs?
Evie sings along to the chorus.
-
Itâs disgusting.
Thereâs no other word for it.
Youâre on all fours, face buried in Heeseungâs mattress, drooling, moaning, thighs trembling with every wet squelch of his fingers plunging into you from behind. His mouth is glued to your cunt, spit running down his chin, tongue working your clit in slow, sloppy laps while one hand spreads you openâand the other, lower, slick with your cum, is rubbing tight circles around your asshole.
Youâre whining his name. Filthy. Wordless. Brain-melted.
âFuck, sheâs drooling for it,â he mutters into your pussy. âShe wants both. Sheâs ready. One in her ass, two in her cuntâyou wanna be stretched like a proper little hole, huh?â
Your face is soaked. Your bodyâs trembling. Your pussy flutters around his fingers, slick squelching with every slow drag in and out. Your rim clenches, raw and wet from the friction. You try to answer, but all that comes out is a pathetic sob.
âSay it,â he growls. âSay what she wants.â
âI want it,â you gasp, voice cracking. âI want you to open my assâwanna be full, wanna cum like a fucktoyâpleaseâpleaseââ
And thenâ
âY/N?â
You hear your name like itâs being spoken through a tunnel.
You freeze.
Every muscle in your body locks.
Heeseung doesnât move.
You can feel his tongue hovering right at your clit. His finger is still circling your asshole.
And then you both look up.
In the doorway. Mouth open. Eyes wide. Chest heaving.
Evie.
Her face doesnât go red. It goes white. Like her blood just dropped to her feet.
She stares at your bodyâat your back arched, knees wide, your ass open, Heeseungâs hand buried between your cheeks, your best friendâs brother with his mouth on you and your spit in his beard.
And then she gags. Audibly. Violently.
Her whole body jolts forward like sheâs about to puke right there in the hallway.
âOh myâfuckingâgodââ she chokes. âWhat theâwhat the FUCKââ
She turns. Presses her palm to the wall. Leans into it. Her other hand clamps over her mouth and you see her shoulders jerk. Once. Twice. A horrible, broken sound crawls out of her throat.
âNoânoânoâno, no, noââ
Sheâs panicking.
Canât breathe. Her body is shaking so hard you think she might collapse.
âEvieââ you start, voice already wet. âEvie, pleaseâplease just listenââ
âDONâT.â
The scream hits like a slap.
âDonât talk to me. Donâtâdonât even say my fucking nameââ
Youâre sobbing now. Reaching for the blanket. Falling off the bed. Barely able to pull your hoodie down over your sticky, twitching body.
Heeseung moves. Not fast enough. Still shirtless. Still hard. His fingers still glistening.
âHeejooââ
âDONâT. CALL ME THAT.â Her voice is shrill, raw, wrecked. âYouâre my fucking brother.â
She looks at you. Like she doesnât even know you.
And then her expression cracks completely.
Her face contortsâpain, betrayal, disgust, hatredâall in one devastating collapse.
âYou were inside her,â she whispers, and her voice breaks. âYou had yourâyourâyou were licking her while you were fingering her assââ
âYouâre both fucking insane.â
You crawl toward her. Not thinking. Just begging. Your knees burn. Your hands shake.
âEvieâpleaseâplease just let me explainââ
She flinches.
Flinches.
Like your voice touched her skin. Then she goes still. Her breathing slows. Her hands drop to her sides.
She looks empty.
âDonât come near me.â
Her voice is flat now. Robotic.
âDonât talk to me. Donât look at me. Donât even fucking breathe in my direction.â
You canât speak. Canât move. She steps back.
Looks at Heeseung. Then at you.
âYouâre both dead to me.â
-
ââYou donât remember the walk home.
You donât remember grabbing your phone, or leaving the house, or what the weather was like. You donât remember how long you cried, or how many people stared, or how fucking long it took for the heat between your legs to fade into something cold and ugly. You just remember sitting on your bedroom floorâhoodie still wet between your thighs, your underwear balled up in your pocketâand trying to breathe without choking on it.
Because it doesnât stop. The image. Her face.
Evie, hand over her mouth. Evie, gagging. Evie, stepping back like you were something dirty.
She meant it. Every word.
âDonât talk to me. Donât look at me. Donât fucking breathe in my direction.â
She meant it.
You try to text her that night. You donât even know what to say. There are three different messages in your drafts: one with just her name. One that says âIâm sorry.â One that says nothing at all.
They donât send. Youâve been blocked.
He doesnât text either. You donât even know if he can.
The silence is so big it feels like a second death. You lie in bed every night with your phone face-up on your pillow, waiting for it to light up with anything. A call. A voice note. Just a name.
It never comes.
But you still feel him. In your body. In your bones.
Every time you try to sleep, your body curls like itâs expecting to be filled.
Some nights you wake up sweatingâpanting, pussy twitchingâbecause you dreamed of his voice again.
You still miss him. Even after all of it. Even after how it ended.
Even after Evieâs face broke in half at the sight of youâwet, spread open, her brotherâs finger sliding into your ass while you begged for more.
You still miss him. And thatâs the part that makes you sick.
-
Itâs been nearly two weeks since you watched Evie recoil in that doorway, hand clamped over her mouth like she was actually going to vomit.
You canât erase the memory of her faceâhow disgust bled into betrayal, how her gaze slid right past you like you didnât exist, then landed on Heeseung as if he were some twisted stranger in her own home. You tried to bury the image, tried to make it small and unimportant, but it lives in your chest now, swelling every time you breathe.
You havenât talked to either of them since. Not one word to her, not a single text to him.
Itâs as if the world paused on that moment: her voice ripping through the room, your body half-naked, his spit drying on your thighs, your stomach churning with guilt.
Now the doorbell rings, and somehow you already know whoâs on the other side.
You open it slowly, hesitation weighing on every movement of your hand.
Heeseung stands there in a wrinkled hoodie, dark circles stamped beneath his eyes. He looks thinnerâlike the shape of him has caved in from the inside out. His hair is unstyled, his shoulders hunched, and the way he stares at you feels desperate.
Neither of you speak for a few seconds, the silence pressing into your lungs.
Then you break it, because you canât handle him looking at you like that. âWhy are you here?â Your voice comes out flat, echoing the numbness youâve been living in.
Heeseung swallows, gaze skittering between your face and the ground.
âI had to see you.â
The words feel like theyâre meant to fix something, but all they do is twist the knife. You give a hollow laugh, but thereâs no humor in it.
âYou already saw enough.â
He exhales shakily, bringing a hand up to scrub at the back of his neck.
âIâm not asking you to forgive me,â he says, eyes flicking up to meet yours. âI know thatâs notâthereâs nothing I canââ He trails off, struggling, guilt carved into every line of his face. When he finally speaks again, his voice strains.
âYou think we havenât replayed it a hundred fucking times?â he asks. âThe door. The blanket. You moaning. MeâGodâwe were still fucking with each other right there, even when sheââ
âStop.â Your voice cracks. âDonât say it.â
âWe saw her face,â his voice keeps going, low and fast and pained. âWe saw it, and we still didnât stop, like fucking animals. I see it every time I close my eyes. I hear her say my name like I was never hers, like you were never her friend.â
You speak,
âI canât look at you without hearing her gag.â
The confession slashes the air, and his lips part like youâve slapped him.
âI canât hear your name without remembering what it felt like to be in her house, in her family, doing⌠that, while she thought I was asleep down the hall.â
For a moment, neither of you breathe. Then he forces himself to speak, voice cracking.
âI know. I fucking know, and I hate that we didnât let go even when we heard her. I hate that she looked at us like we were monsters. I hate that part of me still wanted to stay inside you, and part of you still wanted me there, when we shouldâve both stopped.â
You close your eyes, replaying Evieâs strangled gasp in your head, recalling the numb disbelief that followed when she told you not to speak, not to look, not to fucking breathe in her direction.
âI canât talk to you,â you whisper, voice trembling despite your best efforts. âI canât even hear your name without feeling sick.â
He swallows and nods, like heâs been waiting for those exact words. âIâm sorry,â he says, and he sounds like heâs about to shatter. âI wonâtâif you never want to see me again, I understand.â He drags in a breath that rattles in his chest. âI just needed to know you were⌠alive.â
For a moment, you want to ask him if heâs okay too, if heâs been eating or sleeping, if he wakes up sweating like you do. But you lock it down, because you canât afford to care right now.
âWell,â you say, and your voice is colder than you intend, ânow youâve seen me. Congratulations.â
A faint tremor passes through him, and he nods once. Thereâs nothing else. No lecture, no pleading. He just steps back, shoulders slumped, and turns away.
-
It happens in the grocery store, of all places. Youâre pushing a half-empty cart down the cereal aisle, trying not to think about how much quieter life has been since you lost your best friend and the boy you broke her heart with. Youâre scanning the shelves for something to distract you when you catch sight of a familiar figure at the other end of the row.Â
Your heart lurches, your fingers tightening on the cart handle as your stomach flips.Â
Because there, frowning at the boxes of cereal, is Evieâor Heejoo, or however she wants to be called now. You donât have time to decide whether you should turn and run or force a hollow smile. She glances up, and your eyes meet. Neither of you moves.
 The aisle feels too narrow. Her cart sits between you, an invisible barrier.
She looks differentâher hair is shorter or maybe just pulled back in a careless ponytail, dark smudges under her eyes, shoulders tense. She seems hollowed out in the same way you feel.Â
Some part of you wants to say hey or I miss you or please talk to me, but the words dissolve in your throat. Sheâs the one who steps forward first, letting her cart roll behind her. Her heels click on the tile, echoing your every heartbeat.
âHaving fun?â she asks, and it doesnât sound like a question so much as a thinly-veiled jab.
You grip the handle of your cart, mouth suddenly too dry to speak.
âEvieââ
âDonât call me that,â she snaps, eyes flicking away like the name itself stings. âYou donât get to pretend weâre okay. You donât get to act like weâre still friends.â
Her arms fold across her chest, nostrils flaring with each breath, and you feel your own pulse jump in your neck. âIâIâm sorry,â you manage, voice trembling. Itâs not enough, you know that.
She scoffs, a breathy, humorless sound. âThatâs it? Youâre sorry? You think that magically fixes everything?â She gestures sharply, and you notice how tightly sheâs clenching her fists. âYou screwed around with my brother like it was nothing, and I walked in onââ Her voice breaks, face twisting as she fights off the memory. âI was just the idiot friend who never saw it coming, right?â
Shame flares in your cheeks. You hold your ground, though it hurts to meet her eyes. âI know I betrayed you,â you say. âWeâGod, I donât even have the words for how messed up it was. We both knew better. We both let it happen.â
Her hand lifts to cut you off, shaking with the effort. âYou think itâs just that you hurt me?â Her voice wobbles between anger and heartbreak. âYou hurt him too, you realize that? He was my brother, you were my best friend, and you both blew yourselves up in front of me. Like you had no idea what it would cost.â
Your stomach knots in a way you havenât felt before. Sheâs right. It wasnât just herâit wasnât just you. It was all three of you, tangling and twisting until it snapped. âI know,â you say more quietly. âAnd weâre all paying for it. Heâs⌠heâs not okay. Iâm not okay. And youâre definitely not okay. Thereâs no part of this that isnât broken.â
She lets out a short, bitter laugh. âDo you think that helps? Hearing you say itâs broken doesnât change the fact that I canât even look at either of you without wanting to scream.â
You bow your head, voice almost inaudible. âI wish I could take it back.â
She swallows, and for a fraction of a second, the hostility in her eyes flickers with pain. âWell, you canât.â Her grip tightens on the cart handle until her knuckles whiten, and she exhales shakily.Â
âI want my brother back, you know. I want my friend back. But I donât get either of those things, because you two decided to⌠to destroy what we had.â
Your throat closes up, tears pricking at your eyes. âIâm sorry.â
She stares for another few seconds, jaw clenched as she holds herself together. Then she moves around you, snatching her cart by the handle, the wheels squeaking in protest.Â
âEnjoy the produce,â she mutters under her breath, voice dripping with bitterness as she passes.
-
It doesnât happen overnight.
 Thereâs no single conversation that wipes the slate clean, no perfect gesture that makes Evieâs betrayal vanish, no magic wand that repairs the gaping wound in your chest.Â
But over timeâslow, grudging, step by hesitant stepâyou all begin to realize that staying in this darkness is killing you. Staying strangers, orbiting the same guilt without looking one another in the eye, is worse than facing the truth. And that truth is messy, fragile, and riddled with scars.
It begins with Evie texting you, late at night, a week after the grocery store encounter.Â
Just three words: We need to talk.
You stare at the screen for a solid minute, heart pounding like itâs trying to break out of your chest.Â
Your hands shake as you reply, Yeah, okay.Â
Thatâs all. No apology, no second-guessing, just acceptance. You wait for her to say when or where, but she doesnât text back until the next afternoon, telling you to meet her at the park near her house.Â
And then she clarifies: Just you.
You show up after sunset, nerves jangling in every limb, expecting hostility, or silence, or both.Â
Instead, you find Evie sitting on a faded wooden bench under a flickering streetlight. She looks smaller than you remember, knees drawn up under her chin, arms hugging herself for warmth. As you approach, you open your mouth to say somethingâanythingâbut she holds up a hand, shaking her head.
âDonât,â she says, voice tight. âNot yet.â
You stand there, awkward and guilty, waiting for her permission to speak.
She lowers her hand and sighs, staring at a patch of dead grass near her feet. âI asked you here because⌠this is killing me,â she mutters. âBeing this angry all the time. Hating you. Hating him. I canât keep up with it. Itâs turning me into someone I donât recognize.â
Her words break something inside your chest, and your throat goes thick. You sit down on the far edge of the bench, leaving a wide space between you, unsure if youâre allowed to be any closer. âI⌠I know,â you manage, voice unsteady. âI feel it too. Itâs like Iâm rotting on the inside.â
She nods once, gaze flicking to you before sliding away again. âIâm not saying I forgive you,â she warns, and you nod, heart pounding. âIâm just saying I donât want this to be my life anymore. Thisârage. Itâs not me.â
She exhales, shoulders curling inward. âAnd I loved you. You were my best friend. And he⌠heâs my brother, and I loved him too. So how did we all end up here?â
Silence lingers. You fight back tears that threaten to spill.Â
âWe messed up,â you whisper, voice cracking. âWe both did. Me and him. We used your house, your trust, your everything for our own messed-up⌠needs, and it was stupid and selfish and we ended up shattering everything.â You swallow a lump in your throat. âI know none of that fixes it. But I swear to you, we never wanted to hurt you.â
Evie laughs bitterly, a hollow sound. âWell, you did. And I canât pretend you didnât.âÂ
Her gaze shifts to the distance, to the halo of light under the streetlamp. âBut I donât know if I can keep hating you. Or him.âÂ
She hesitates, words coming out slow. âI saw him last week. He lookedâGod, I hardly recognized him. Like a ghost of himself.â
You nod, biting back the urge to defend him or to ask a dozen questions. âHeâs⌠not doing great,â you say simply, remembering his hollow cheeks, the way his voice cracked when he said he couldnât sleep.
She wraps her arms tighter around herself, rocking slightly. âNeither are we,â she points out. âNone of us are okay. And I guess thatâs what Iâm realizing. That weâre all stuck in the same crater, staring at the same wreckage. Maybe we shouldnât be trying to fix it on our own.â
Your eyes burn with unshed tears. âWhat do you want to do?â you ask, feeling the weight of her words press into your chest.
Sheâs quiet for a long moment. Then she looks directly at you, tears shimmering at the edges of her eyes. âI want us to talk,â she says. âAll three of us. In one place. I want us to put it all on the table, no hiding, no running out. Because if thereâs any chance of moving forwardâtogether or apartâwe have to face it."
âIâll text him,â she says, voice ragged. âDonât expect miracles. But I canât do this alone.â
A teardrop escapes your lashes and slips down your cheek. âNeither can I,â you whisper. âThank you.â
She doesnât respond, just stands up and motions for you to follow.Â
-
Evieâs living room is dimly lit, and the air feels thicker than it shouldâas if everything youâve said to each other in the last hour is still hovering in the space between. Outside, itâs already dark, the muffled hum of passing cars bleeding in through the windows. Youâre all drainedâphysically, emotionallyâyet no one moves to leave. Not yet. Itâs not finished.
Evie is perched on the armchair, knees drawn close to her chest. Youâre on one end of the couch, Heeseung on the other, and thereâs still a gulf of guilt and confusion separating you. But you can feel the conversation building toward something bigger than apologies or confessions of regret.
Evie tugs at the sleeves of her sweater. She glances between you and her brother, mouth pinched tight, but her voice is gentler than before.
âIâm not pretending this is easy,â she begins, clearing her throat. âWeâve all hurt each other. I just want to know what you⌠what you both actually feel.â Her gaze settles on you, question clear in her eyes. âDo you two even care about each other beyond⌠beyond whatever it was you were doing?â
You swallow, your mouth dry. This is the moment youâve been pushing down for weeks, refusing to think about. The reason you woke up gasping sometimes, alone in your bed, missing a warmth you never should have craved in the first place. You take a shaky breath, feeling your pulse hammer in your temples.
âIââ you begin, then stop. Your voice wavers, but you force yourself to speak. âIâm in love with him.â
It comes out bare, unpolished, stripped of excuses. You feel the words echo in your chest, leaving you vulnerable. Across the room, Evieâs eyes widen for half a second, and you can see her guard tighten, just a bit.
Heeseung exhales sharply, his head snapping up. You canât bring yourself to meet his gaze. Instead, you focus on the floor, heart pounding.
âI know,â you continue, voice trembling, âthat he might not feel the same way. I know we started this all wrong, that I messed up your trust, that I hurt youââyou glance at Evieââand maybe I donât deserve a happy ending. But I canât keep pretending I donât love him just because Iâm ashamed of how we got here.â
Evie inhales like sheâs bracing for another blow, her arms tightening around her knees.
âYouâre saying you love him, even if he doesnât love you back?â she asks, carefully, like sheâs afraid of the answer.
You let out a breath that feels like itâs been caged in your ribs for months.
âYes. Itâs not⌠itâs not his responsibility. If itâs one-sided, thatâs on me.â You glance fleetingly at Heeseung, face flushing. âI donât expect anything from him, or from you. I justââ Your voice cracks. âI needed to say it out loud.â
Silence envelops the room, charged with tension. Heeseung is staring at you, eyes wide and glossy, like youâve knocked the air from his lungs. Evie shifts, chewing on the inside of her lip.
Heeseung finally speaks, voice rough.
âYou⌠love me?â
You manage a small, trembling nod. âI do,â you say, meeting his gaze at last. âAnd if you donât love me back, thatâs okay. I know how messed up this is. Iâm ready to⌠to accept that.â
He looks startled, as if no part of him expected you to be okay with that possibility. His hands flex on his knees, knuckles blanching. Then he breathes out, shoulders sagging.
âGod,â he murmurs, shaking his head. âYouâre unbelievably stupid.â
You flinch, heart joltingâthough thereâs no real malice in his tone, only a shaky awe and raw disbelief that seems to be tying him in knots. He forces himself to meet Evieâs eyes for a flicker of a second, as if silently asking for permission to go on.
âDonât call her that,â Evie snaps, voice quivering at the edges. She fixes him with a sharp glare, arms folded tight across her chest. âI donât care how you meant itâsheâs not stupid, and you donât get to insult her in front of me.â
âShut the fuck up Evie, one second,â He turns to you, âBecause you think Iâm not in love with you? That Iâd leave you hanging with all this guilt?â
Your heart stutters, the floor tilting under you. âHeeseungâŚâ
âIâm in love with you too,â he says, and the words hang in the air with tangible weight. âI canât believe youâd be ready to walk away, believing it was one-sided. That youâd⌠accept it. God, do you have any idea how much it hurts to see you in so much pain, thinking I donât feel the same?â
A soft sound escapes your throatâsome blend of relief and shockâand tears gather at the edges of your vision. Across the room, Evie exhales shakily, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment. You can see the swirl of emotions crossing her features: anger, hurt, jealousy, and underneath it all, a lingering care for you both.
Heeseung scrubs a hand over his face, then looks to Evie, voice trembling.
âI love her. I know I messed up. We messed up. We never shouldâve lied. But I canât take back how I feel.â
Evie drags in a deep breath. She pushes herself up from the armchair, pacing a short line across the living room. Her head is down, hands in her hair. When she finally looks at you both, thereâs pain in her eyes, but not the same raw fury as before.
âJesus,â she mutters. âYou twoâŚâ She chews the inside of her cheek. âI hate what you did. I hate how you did it. But if you love each otherâreally love each otherâI canât tell you not to.â
 Her shoulders slump. âI want to be angry forever, but⌠seeing you like this, Iââ She presses her lips together, tears brimming, then sets her jaw. âI guess I just want us to find a way to exist without destroying each other.â
A thick silence fills the space. Your chest feels ready to burst from conflicting emotionsâgratitude, guilt, longing, terror. You look at Evie and see the ghost of the best friend you once knew, who might be willing to stand beside you again one day, even if it wonât ever be the same.
You open your mouth.
âI know it wonât be easy,â you say softly. âI donât expect you to forgive everything in one night. But maybe⌠maybe we can start moving forward?â
Evie dashes a tear off her cheek and gives a tiny nod.
âYeah,â she whispers. âMaybe.â
Heeseung watches her, watches you, then rises from the couch. He hesitates, like heâs not sure if heâs allowed to touch you. You stand up, heart pounding, and drift closer. Neither of you quite meets in the middle, leaving a careful gap where all your remorse hangs. But itâs less than before.
Evie clears her throat, hugging herself.
âI canât stay down here with you two being⌠whatever you are. I need time, okay?â
You nod quickly.
âOf course.â
Heeseung nods as well, voice soft.
âAnything you need.â
She steps back, wiping her eyes, and thereâs a hint of a weary smile ghosting across her face, like sheâs relieved but not sure how to show it.
âYou two can talk, or⌠or go, or do whatever. I justâŚâ Her breath catches. âIâm gonna go upstairs. Thatâs all I can handle right now.â
You donât stop her.
Then you turn to him, tears slipping down your cheeks, a tremulous hope fluttering in your chest. He lifts a handâtentative, like heâs scared to break youâand cups your cheek, thumb brushing your damp skin.
He exhales shakily.
âI love you,â he murmurs, the words raw with emotion. âIâm sorry for everything.â
You nod, voice catching in your throat as you rest your hand over his.
âIâm sorry too,â you whisper. âBut I love you, and maybe⌠thatâs something we can start with.â
His eyes close in something like relief, and he presses a soft, uncertain kiss to your temple. It isnât a triumphant moment, not the kind of romantic victory you mightâve once imagined. Itâs tender, laced with guilt and fear. But itâs also realâgenuine and fragile, the only piece of warmth youâve had in a long time.
-
Things shift slowly, almost imperceptibly at first. You and Heeseung start keeping your distance whenever Evieâs aroundâno subtle hand-holding, no lingering touches, certainly no sneaking off to lock yourselves behind the nearest door.Â
Itâs not that youâre ashamed of each other; itâs that you canât stand the thought of rubbing your relationship in her face. You both know youâre lucky sheâs even letting you in the same room without storming out.
So you dial it back. You let your bodies stop running the show.Â
Itâs harder than you expectâhe still sets your nerves on fire by simply looking at youâbut you remind yourself that Evieâs feelings matter, that you owe her more than just half-hearted consideration. You give her space, which means giving yourselves space too.Â
No sex. No heavy make-out sessions. No pressed-up-against-a-wall confessions. Just⌠time and gentle contact.
Heeseung seems as restless as you.Â
Sometimes, when itâs late and youâre on a phone callâwhispering so Evie wonât hear through the wallsâhe sounds downright desperate.Â
You can hear his breath catch when you say you miss him, can practically feel the tension radiating through the receiver.Â
Yet both of you agree: this is how it has to be for now. If you want Evie to believe that what you have is more than just an addiction to each otherâs bodies, you need to show her you can exist outside a bed.
So you go on dates. Real dates. Movie theaters, yes, but also bookstore trips, late-night drives to nowhere, strolling through a local fair when it rolls into town.Â
You hold hands only if youâre well away from Evieâs neighborhoodâfearful that any small sign of affection might break the thin thread of tolerance sheâs extended.Â
The first time you walk along the riverside in the evening, sipping cheap coffee from a convenience store, it hits you that youâve never really done this part before: the tentative, day-to-day romance of building a real relationship. Itâs both comforting and nerve-wracking.Â
You can feel the charge sparking under your skin every time he smiles at you, like youâre seconds away from losing your careful resolve.Â
But you donât. Neither of you wants to risk undoing the fragile progress with Evie.
And that progress is slow, but present.Â
She doesnât cringe as much when you and Heeseung enter a room together.Â
She no longer flinches if you happen to stand on the same side of the kitchen.
 Maybe sometimes she rolls her eyes, but she doesnât snap. You see the tension in her shoulders when youâre all in the same space, thoughâlike sheâs bracing for some new betrayal.Â
You canât blame her. You still offer to leave the moment you sense her discomfort rising. Surprisingly, sheâs started telling you to stay.
But the real sign that things might be healing comes one weekend night when Evie texts you, out of the blue:
Girlsâ night?
She doesnât dress it up with a cute emoji or an explanation; itâs bare bones, almost clinical. And you stare at your phone with your heart hammering, wondering if this is a test, or maybe a begrudging olive branch.Â
You answer with a shaky yes, and spend the next few hours trying not to read too much into it. You tell Heeseung youâll be hanging out with Evie, and he just smilesâwide and genuine, telling you to have fun, to text him if you need anything.
Evieâs room hasnât changed much since the night you snuck out of it to see Heeseung. The layout is the same, the posters the same, the bedspread the same. It all feels loaded with history.Â
She sits cross-legged on her bed, handing you a sodaâno alcohol tonight, no false bravado. You sense she wants you both stone-cold sober for whatever might be said.Â
Thereâs an awkward pause, and then she gestures for you to sit, too.
For a while, conversation comes in bursts: updates about random classmates, stories from her day at work, small talk about the show you both used to binge-watch together. Itâs stiff, but not hostile.Â
She picks at her blanket, and you notice how she wonât hold your gaze for too long. Yet each minute that passes without snapping or bitterness feels like a victory.
Eventually, she slides a bag of nail polish across the bed toward you. âYou, um⌠you still like doing this, right? Itâs been a while,â she mumbles, glancing at your nails.Â
Itâs such a small gesture, but it makes your throat tighten. You nod, and she exhales something that might be relief.Â
For a solid hour, the two of you paint and chatter, as if practicing how to be friends again. Her shoulders are less rigid. Youâre careful not to misstep. Neither of you mentions Heeseung.
At least not directly. But you feel his presence in the air, the unspoken pivot point around which your every interaction revolves. Itâs only when Evie finally fixes you with a long, assessing look, half-concern and half-uncertainty, that the moment arrives.
âAre you two, like⌠okay?â she asks. Her voice is laced with discomfort, but thereâs no hatred in it. âYou said no more sneaking around. But are youâhappy?â
You swallow hard, carefully blowing on your newly painted nails. âWeâre⌠doing our best,â you say. âTrying to be good for each other. Not just physically.â
She nods, lips twisting like sheâs turning over your words in her mind. âI guess⌠thatâs what I wanted to know,â she admits softly. âIt still weirds me out sometimes, but Iâd rather it matter to you than be some⌠fling.â
A wave of gratitude surges in your chest, making it hard to speak. You nod. âIt matters,â you whisper. âI swear.â
She blinks a few times, then sets her nail polish aside. The tension in her shoulders relaxes just enough that her spine curves against the headboard, more comfortable than youâve seen her in weeks. âGood,â she murmurs, tone stilted but earnest. âDonât⌠donât make me regret trying to rebuild this, okay?â
Your own shoulders slump in relief. âI wonât,â you promise. Your voice shakes with the weight of it. âAnd if I ever do, you canâand shouldâkick my ass.â
That draws a small, genuine laugh from herâa sound you havenât heard in what feels like ages. She nods, letting the humor fill the space that was once suffocating with tension. âDeal,â she says.
You stay up later than expectedâtalking about nonsense, painting your nails in mismatched colors, occasionally lapsing into awkward silences.Â
But each time, one of you breaks it before the air can go stale. By the time midnight rolls around, youâve settled into a strange new normal: not quite what you were before the betrayal, but not strangers anymore. Something between you is mending, fragile but real.
When you leave, she walks you to the front door. Itâs still weird, stepping out into the hallway where so much damage happened.Â
But Evieâs behind you, not in front, and you canât help feeling that the dynamic has changed in a way that actually might last. You glance back at her, and though she still looks tired, she doesnât look hostile or betrayed. Maybe just⌠cautious. Itâs enough.
âNight,â she says, one hand resting on the doorknob.
âNight,â you reply, voice quiet. âThanks, again.â
She nods and closes the door gently behind youâno slamming, no huffing. Just a simple, private goodbye.
 As you slip into the night, you realize youâre smiling, mind already whirring with what youâll tell Heeseung when you see him next. You catch yourself wondering if youâll meet up for another date soon. Or if youâll just call him on the way home, excitedly spilling the details of your slow but tangible progress with Evie.
-
The new place is barely furnished. A couch thatâs still covered in plastic. A mattress on the floor. Takeout containers littering the kitchen counter. The floorboards creak with every step. The windows are wide open, and there are no curtains yet. Itâs not homeânot reallyâbut itâs his.Â
And most importantly, itâs finally, blessedly, fucking private.
When he opens the door and lets you in, he doesnât kiss you right away. He just watches you step inside like youâre something heâs trying to memorize. His hands stay in the pocket of his hoodie. His jawâs tight. His eyes flicker to the bag in your hand, then to your shoes, then up your legs so slowly it makes you feel exposed even though youâre still fully dressed.
You donât say anything at first. You set the wine down on the counter. You take in the spaceâempty and echoingâbut your skinâs already buzzing. You hear the door close behind you with a soft click, and something shifts.
He clears his throat.
âI havenât kissed you yet,â he says, voice low. âNot really.â
You turn to look at him. âNo.â
Thereâs a beat.
âCan I?â
You nod.
And thatâs it. Thatâs all it takes.
His hands are on your face before you can blink, warm and rough and needing. The kiss starts soft, but only for a breath. Then it turnsâhungry, desperate, filthy. Your back hits the counter with a thud, his tongue already in your mouth, his body pressing into yours like heâs trying to crawl inside you through your lips.
You moan into him, and he groans, deep in his throat, like the sound broke whatever shred of self-control he was hanging onto.
âYou have no idea,â he pants, mouth hot against your jaw, âhow long Iâve wanted to ruin you in peace.â
Your shirtâs pulled up before you can answer, his mouth already sucking marks down your neck. His hands are everywhereâgripping your tits through your bra, unbuttoning your jeans, fingers slipping into your waistband like he owns the place. Like he owns you.
You gasp as his hand slides between your legs, cupping you through your underwear, his breath catching when he feels the heat there.
âAlready wet?â he mutters, voice ragged. âFucking knew it.â
He yanks your jeans down to your ankles, then sinks to his knees on the kitchen tile without another word. His hands push your legs apart, pulling one up to rest over his shoulder. And when his mouth presses to the soaked fabric of your panties, you cry outâsharp, helpless, needy.
âYou wore these knowing Iâd take them off with my teeth, didnât you?â he growls, dragging the fabric aside with his nose, his tongue already lapping through your folds like heâs been waiting for this for months.
You can barely breathe. One hand flies to the counter for balance, the other fists in his hair. He licks you with obscene, wet sounds, groaning into your pussy like the taste is sending him over the edge. You grind against his face shamelessly, whining when he flattens his tongue and drags it up through your slit, over and over again.
âFuck, Heeseungâpleaseââ
He pulls back just enough to spit directly on your clit. âWhat do you need, baby?â he pants, thumb spreading it around with tight, deliberate pressure. âYou want me to make you cum with my mouth like a good little whore? Is that it?â
You nod frantically, hips rocking against his hand.
âI missed this pussy,â he mutters, diving back in. âMissed how fucking loud she is.â
And she is. Your pussyâs wet, sloppy, noisy, every flick of his tongue echoing off the bare walls. You cum hard, legs shaking around his shoulders, crying out his name as your vision blurs.
But heâs not done.
He stands, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, then grabs you by the waist and turns you around, bending you over the counter.
âNo more pretending,â he growls in your ear. âNo more quiet. Youâre gonna scream for me this time.â
He pulls your panties down and spreads you open, groaning like a man unhinged.
âGod, youâre dripping. You fucking missed this too, didnât you?â
You try to answer, but heâs already stroking his cock against your folds, rubbing the head through the mess between your legs, smearing it everywhere.
âSay it,â he demands.
âYesâyes, I missed itâfuck, Heeseung, I missed your cockââ
He sinks into you in one sharp, brutal thrust, and you wail.
No condom. No pause. Just the stretch of him filling you up in one smooth, devastating stroke.
âOh my God,â he groans. âYouâre fucking swallowing me.â
Youâre moaning, writhing, drooling onto the counter. He doesnât start slow. He doesnât give you time. He fucks youârelentless, pounding, like heâs been waiting to do this since the moment you first touched him.
Your ass slaps against his thighs with every thrust. Your pussy is loud, the kind of wet, messy squelch that would embarrass you if you could think.
He slaps your ass hard, making you jolt forward. âListen to her,â he growls. âSheâs been crying for me.â
You donât stop him. You beg for more.
He grabs your arms and pulls you back onto him, using your own body to fuck you harder.
âKeep taking it,â he snarls. âBe my good little cumrag, just like you used to be.â
You scream. You scream for him.
You cum again, sobbing into the crook of your arm, your entire body trembling.
He pulls out and flips you around, lifts you up onto the counter again, and kisses you like heâs devouring you from the inside out. Your legs are trembling so hard you can barely hold them up, but he spreads them open and spits straight onto your cunt, rubbing it in with two fingers, moaning when you jolt at the sensitivity.
âWanna fuck you on the floor next,â he mutters against your lips. âWanna fuck you on the mattress, on the couch, against every wall. Wanna ruin this apartment with the sound of your pussy screaming for me.â
You grab his face, breath ragged. âThen do it.â
He throws you over his shoulder and carries you to the mattress on the floor, where he fucks you in every position heâs ever imagined. He keeps you cockdrunk and leaking. When your voice gives out, he fucks you in silence. When your legs stop working, he props them up and keeps going. And when he finally cumsâinside you, deep, claimingâhe doesnât pull out.
He just collapses on top of you, both of you drenched in sweat and slick and the aftermath of something feral.
You canât move.
You donât want to.
You just lie there, shaking, full, used, satisfied in a way that makes you dizzy.
Heeseung kisses your shoulder and whispers against your skin.
âIâm never being patient again.â
-
TL: @naurwayyyyy @ziiao @somuchdard @ijustwannareadstuff20 @ddolleri @beariegyu @zzhengyu @annybah @seonhoon @elairah @dreamy-carat @geniejunn @kristynaaah @zoemeltigloos @mellowgalaxystrawberry @inlovewithningning @vveebee @m3wkledreamy @lovelycassy @highway-143 @koizekomi @tiny-shiny @simbabyikeu @cristy-101 @bloomiize @dearestdreamies @enhaverse713586 @cybe4ss @starniras @wonuziex @sol3chu @simj4k3
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