#whenever you get triggered

[aceing-on-the-cake]

So every time I see posts like this I think about the fact that drowning people can, will, and most often do end up trying to drown their rescuers, and that lifeguards are trained because of this to offer an object and not themselves first, such as a flotation tube, before placing themselves within arms reach.

Then I think about the two times in my life where I had spent months, where I would have days in between even speaking to another human because I was so lacking in contact.

Then I think about when I did gain people again, and they told me they cared about me, and they took an interest in me, and they spent time with me.

And I think about the feeling of desperation that overwhelmed me when they would stop, for even minutes or hours. Because they were sleeping. Because they were busy. Because they are humans with their own lives to live.

I remember having to sit there, and face that gnawing hole inside me that I knew was illogical. Knew was born out of fear, and loss, and how 15 minutes put me right back in that water all alone even if I could see I was on land.

Because drowning people are dangerous.

And I knew I was dangerous, unless I controlled this feeling. Faced it. Looked at it right in the eyes and chose to trust that when I had asked them before "you like me? you don't find me annoying? you want to be in my life?" that they meant it.

And now I'm reading this post and I'm not drowning, and you can leave me in the water alone, comfortably alone, and I don't often flash back to feeling like I am. But I still do, and I think I always will.

Because I almost died. And I don't think I'll ever truly forget that.

But drowning people are dangerous, and most people are not trained lifeguards. So when you drag them down to you, you use them to hold your head above water by placing theirs under, they can either drown with you, or they can let go.

And most people are going to let go. Because nobody wants to drown.

[loriache]

"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."

This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.

I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.

Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)

His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:

A) a short lived person

B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.

The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.

But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".

So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.

Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.

The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.

Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.

Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!

Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!

On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.

That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.

The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.

And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.

And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.

Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.

Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.

Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!

I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.

Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!

and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.

[bearsandswears]

Asena is perfectly comfortable with nonsexual nudity (you kind of have to be as a werewolf, the clothes don’t come with), but seeing a chance to make Gale blush activates her prey drive.

[hey-heigo]

leon and sayaka. tthe doomed duo

leon is the ultimate punk rock musician. he started his band in middle school and got unexpectedly popular

had been living a high life as a star for a while but is starting to burn out on it. hasn't done a concert in a while. has gained a little weight during his down time

is kind of worried that he's losing his touch, and will end up aimless and adrift like so many famous people after too long

sayaka is the ultimate news announcer. she wanted to be an idol but in trying to make the connections to get into the industry, she landed a role as a news announcer instead

has had a very fruitful career, and is very popular. she's good at delivering information clearly while conveying the right mood to the audience

says she feels completely and totally fulfilled in her title

[kelin-is-writing]

Girl, you're an immature aspiring writer (key word: aspiring) who is shitting on Horikoshi's work even though your entire fucking blog is literally dedicated to Hori's work. How pathetic and hypocritical must you be. There is a reason why people rather talk to you anonymously rather than directly because frankly you're an embarrassment and a loser. Your misandry needs to be dealt with. Stop blaming all real life men for you unhappiness with the MHA ending. That the fault of one man, not billions of other men. Just because you're pissed and throwing tantrums doesn't mean you have to blame all men. That's extremely childish though not surprising since you're blog itself looks childish. Why are you even watching MHA, its clearly not for misandrists like you. In case you forgot MHA is a Shonen manga/anime so you're clearly not wanted. You're not the type of audience that Hori wants in the first place. You rather talk about useless characters like Rei Todoroki or squeal about a man's attractiveness rather than the watch and assess the actual fights/battles. Seriously. Stop watching MHA and go watch sailor moon or some shojo shit.

Yo I know, I’m childish and immature that reeeeeeally sucks man. Doesn’t change the fact that you still are a misogynist, abuser and rapist defender, childish, immature, rude, mannerless, ignorant and a gaslighter who came on their own in my childish blog, to ask for my childish opinion though. You did, and are still doing all this on your own accord, so guess who’s the real hypocrite here honey 🤭

[every-dayiwakeup]

The way Billy acts in the Holloway house mirrors how he acted when he was around Karen in that same season.

We don't ever see teen Billy's real smile, except for when he's on the court.

This smile is relaxed and carefree.

For example, his smiles here are all fake. Forced. There's an overly polite expression he wears, and it's shown in how he talks, too.

In both cases:

his facial expressions are controlled, except they're caused by different things.

he's been put in a position where he has his autonomy stripped from him.

his eyes look like they're screaming for help.

His job and car are two things that grant him what he cannot get at his house (which would be some freedom and control of his environment/himself). Karen takes that away from him, and so does the Mind Flayer. She shows up at his work with her friends and preys on him. He drives to meet her and gets caught in another predator's web.

And after, when he's driving his car, he's no longer behind the wheel. It's his car, and he has to sit there while he's being taken control of.

[tubbytarchia]

Addendum - I forgot I wanted to draw Doc and Jimmy actually... I have a lot of thoughts about them just by virtue of imagining what having Doc in the Life series would be like.. This is my very specific hyperfixation that no one but I and my friend get and damn it I will draw art for it

[velarisdusk]

hi omg i just realized i hit 500 followers thats so !!!!!!!!!!! there are 500 people that like reading what i write and that is just so crazy and bonkers to me omg like im imagining 500 people all congregated together just listening to me speaking at a podium thats unimaginable

it makes me so so happy that you all like the stories im putting out, omg i wish i could write something to thank you guys but im swamped with schoolwork rn :( thank you so so much again and i'll come back soon with more, here's the tentative plan i've got for order of things

breaking the ice 7 (i'll have completed a series for the first time omg)

velvet whispers, midnight truths 2

possessive az x reader request

az x reader as spies a la mr. and mrs. smith

i'll probably do some more one shots for different characters bc az has been getting a lot of attention from me as of late and then oooooo i have some ideas cooking for another series mhm mhm

[dootznbootz]

https://www.tumblr.com/qualitydonutnightmare/748852794223706112/alright-im-gonna-share-my-epic-theory-now-anyone?source=share

everytime i see a "odyssey canon odysseus was unfaithful" i want to scream, blocking liberally ofc but sometimes one or two slip past and it starts all over again

Yeah, :'D I sadly usually just check on the Odysseus tag as...most people in there are FANS of him lol. And ofc I block liberally for my own health. :'D I don't even care to go in the Epic Tag sometimes because I'm so fucking tired of stupid people. (could be misinformed, yes. but honestly at a certain point...shut up. This is not Hamilton in which he willingly had an affair only to get blackmailed later. It was ALWAYS blackmail. It was Always Coercion.)

I think it comes from a lot of ignorance on how SA actually...goes down or happens?? Like people will blankly look over those parts of the Odyssey and not realize the distress there because idk, they've never gone through it, or are just so "This cannot happen to men." that it doesn't even register. As it is SO goddamn clear to me.

I said it before, I'll say it again. You can simp for Circe and Calypso without making fun of their victim, aka Odysseus.

[hakusins]

yalls i just woke up what the hell is happening

[robo-dino-puppy]

*chomp*

[alaskan-wallflower]

shoutout to the guys who never laughed at a girl for being on her period and leaking through her pants, we see you, yall are real ones

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[anotherpapercut]

as a side note I think it's really fucking funny and telling how people will talk about weed addiction but would never accuse someone of being addicted to any other prescription medication. yeah I smoke weed regularly. I also take Wellbutrin an Albuterol inhaler and Klonopin regularly. yeah I can't function sometimes without weed. but I can't sleep if I don't take 3 different sleep medications lmfao

if you're going to go around warning of the dangers of weed addiction then I hope you're also fear mongering and shaming regular Adderall and Xanax users :)

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

so anyway this is why i fantasise about my lil ship involving the protagonist and villain of my favourite series ever and write stories about them to cope

[roboraindrop]

Maybe I should let my horror f/os take over for Halloween,,, that would be fun :3c

🔪You do realize that's just me, right?

Nuh-uh! Virgil is from a horror source! Right, Virg?

🍦M-me? I guess you could say that...

🔪Ah c'mon! This guys softer than soft-serve! It's just me, and you know it. Say it. Say you want me to take over your little blog for a day, and I'll consider it.

🍦Does he have to be such an ass?

Unfortunately, yes 💕 Okay, dollface. I want you to take over my blog for Halloween.

🔪Ha! I knew it! So what the hell do I do? Make posts?

No guts, no gore, be nice to my friends, and use tags. Other than that, the blog is yours! Do what you want. I'll be here to help if you need me.

🔪Damn, take all the fun out of it, why doncha? Alright, alright. I'll follow your shitty rules.

Thank you. Love you, angel! 💕

🔪*grinning stupidly* Yeah, yeah. I love you too, kid.