#whenever you get triggered
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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."
This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.
I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.
Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)
His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:
A) a short lived person
B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.
The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.
But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".
So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.
Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.
The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.
Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.
Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!
Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!
On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.
That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.
The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.
And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.
And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.
Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.
Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.
Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!
I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.
Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!
and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi meta#kabru of utaya#laios touden#labru#laios x kabru#dunmeshi#og post#kabru is such a big picture thinker. and he evaluates people more than he judges them imo#the hater jokes are funny but the people he judges most harshly arent laios and co. they're people like the island's lord.#but you don't see that as clearly because he isn't interested in the island's lord. he understands him. finds him contemptible but useful.#whereas laios lives in his brain rent free because he WANTS to understand him but doesnt quite.#even though he sees the elves as a major threat to his ultimate goals and dislikes the way they treat short lived races#he still understands and evaluates mithrun as an individual based on his own merits#he's one of the characters who is least judgemental in that sense because while he's always making judgements and evaluations#he's also constantly revising them whenever he gets more information#my beautiful machiavellian prince <3#it's genuinely a really laudable way of understanding others imo.#the only problem is that because he's driven towards his goals by his PTSD and survivors guilt#he pushes himself into situations (the dungeon and also interpersonally) that trigger him or even just upset him#without regard for what he authentically wants or his own wellbeing.
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Asena is perfectly comfortable with nonsexual nudity (you kind of have to be as a werewolf, the clothes don’t come with), but seeing a chance to make Gale blush activates her prey drive.
#bg3 fanart#bg3 gale#baldur's gate 3#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#bg3 comic#bg3 tav#gale x tav#oc: asena#saw Gale at the renn faire today which was funny cause for some reason I was really suspecting I might#no other Baldur’s Gate cosplays just Gale#changing Asena to a monk really helped me with reasoning out her magic werewolf tattoos#don’t @ me if I’ve missed some glaring Forgotten Realms lore for why this would be stupid I tried to do my research#Asena claims her tattoos absorb and store moonlight to trigger shifting whenever#and that’s why occasionally she’d run around naked at night#but she might just do that for fun anyways#especially since she can’t actually use them during the timeframe of the game#I had a thought that some of the line work is actually incredibly tiny script#Gale gets distracted trying to decipher it (it’s in sylvan)#Asena props herself up on her elbows and is like ‘excuse me you are not down there to read my thighs’
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AH. So that's why they put that content warning. I see!
#HM.#dndads#the peachyville horror#Okay tag ramble time I guess lol.#Amittedly I actually wish I *hadn't* checked the content warnings cause I think that moment would've affected me a bit more otherwise#(which for me is desired lol I want that out of my podcasts)#But HM geez gonna be thinking on this one...#Also something something Francis and Trudy talks this episode something something coldest human & warmest machine#Couldn't get that off my mind... Their conversation at the end there is what really had me anxious more than anything gah#ACTUAL EPISODE SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT FORWARD WEEWOO WEEWOO#SO one thing to remember is that we don't actually know for sure yet that Francis is dead#Which I know sounds silly but characters have been shot in the head before like this same season and not immediately died from it#Still gotta go through the mechanical process of dying and all that#But ALSO he pulled the trigger and that's where the episode stopped.#Again I know it's silly to say but we don't actually know *for sure* what happens next- *especially* cause Brunhilda is a sentient gun#Or he could die but come back from it somehow!#I swear I don't mean any of this as wishful thinking I'm just genuinely thinking of the possibilities here.#Cause like this podcast does things in this vein a lot y'know. Not always as dark but still.#That said I do hope Francis' storyline continues in some form or another cause if not like *maaan*#In brighter news the Pepper Pete bit took me OUT and you know what I do get happy whenever Sneaky Pete shows up too LOL#Good little bits this episode in general but shoutout also to ''It's time to play HAIR OR THREAD!!!'' perfect.
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Girl, you're an immature aspiring writer (key word: aspiring) who is shitting on Horikoshi's work even though your entire fucking blog is literally dedicated to Hori's work. How pathetic and hypocritical must you be. There is a reason why people rather talk to you anonymously rather than directly because frankly you're an embarrassment and a loser. Your misandry needs to be dealt with. Stop blaming all real life men for you unhappiness with the MHA ending. That the fault of one man, not billions of other men. Just because you're pissed and throwing tantrums doesn't mean you have to blame all men. That's extremely childish though not surprising since you're blog itself looks childish. Why are you even watching MHA, its clearly not for misandrists like you. In case you forgot MHA is a Shonen manga/anime so you're clearly not wanted. You're not the type of audience that Hori wants in the first place. You rather talk about useless characters like Rei Todoroki or squeal about a man's attractiveness rather than the watch and assess the actual fights/battles. Seriously. Stop watching MHA and go watch sailor moon or some shojo shit.
Yo I know, I’m childish and immature that reeeeeeally sucks man. Doesn’t change the fact that you still are a misogynist, abuser and rapist defender, childish, immature, rude, mannerless, ignorant and a gaslighter who came on their own in my childish blog, to ask for my childish opinion though. You did, and are still doing all this on your own accord, so guess who’s the real hypocrite here honey 🤭
#— ❥ kelanswers;#answered#anonymous 😂#and in my blog i’m going to criticize who the fuck i want without asking for you permission babygurl. i’ll start right there 💜#if me criticizing horikoshi for his WACK ASS DISAPPOINTING ENDING has triggered you it’s none of my problem honestly#your feelings are valid but not my fucking responsibility. everyone knows i’m an endeavor hater dude#so you come to me knowing well what you were going to sign up for darling. YOUR choice. YOUR responsibility.#do not blame me for your bad decisions weirdo 😂😂#honestly? you’ve lost credibility AND relevance the moment you started to bark nasty remarks at me over an anime zemer#if you call misandrist peoples who holds men accountable for their wrongdoings then you’re part of the problem btw#and if any male bnha fan who defends endeavor gets triggered by me holding him accountable that says a lot more about you than me really#also yeah i watch shoujos and no i don’t think i’ll stop watching shonens and complain about them whenever i want to. hope that helps 💜#aizawa don’t look
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TRAGIC: beautiful william afton post suddenly unrebloggable after mentioning minor thing that doesnt fit canon characterization
#whenever someone mentions grief on a wafton post it triggers smth horrible in me and i get rlly scared shaking and crying and whimpering..😨#i just never know what people mean by this. when was he sad#point to a place in time in canon where he was explicitly grieving that isnt smth you made up. i will wait#BUT ANYWAUS. its always smth so small and minor like noooo no.o....... now i cant reblog bc it BUGS me it bugs me so bad like sorry im evil#the rest of this was so beautiful and true until you said that............ 😢 . lol#this isnt even to say that he cant its just like......... when you imply that grief is a big part of HIS CHARACTER specifically its. a teen#bit silly because..... where. where. besides yall making stuff up abt fnaf4 like im just wonderingggg okay be honest............#like his thing is that he doesnt give a shit abt killing people yo he doesnt care that that kid died he cares abt his gay restaurant and oc#im gonna cry im gonna sob#anyways#fnaf 3 minigame where ge was scared abt the child ghosts like...... that wasnt him feeling remorseful about it.............#that was him being afraid of The Consequences of his own selfish actions...... guy who creates costumes and characters and masks and facade#so he doesnt have to face the whole world as he knows he is. so he can continue to indulge. it wasnt REALLY ME YOU GUYS haha...... not your#beloved friendly neighbor William Afton ☺️ hes so kind and nice and polite and he loves absolutely *adores* kids. he could never really hur#anyone. not him. not Afton.#coughs**** or something whatever erm *tugs collar* is it hot in here or is it just me haha heehee hoohoo 😁 hehr **falls down flight ofatai#he wants his child flesh and eat it too 🙄#lmao
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Addendum - I forgot I wanted to draw Doc and Jimmy actually... I have a lot of thoughts about them just by virtue of imagining what having Doc in the Life series would be like.. This is my very specific hyperfixation that no one but I and my friend get and damn it I will draw art for it
#I'll leave my thoughts for when I actually do whenever that happens. Could be before or after I get to more requests#I just want Doc's parental instincts to get triggered again. Everyone would probs fear him including Jimmy#But him seeing that Jimmy's outcast/made fun of/whatever and subtly taking him under his wing... oughh my heart#blabber#its so specific but I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT#I will make you guys see this vision I dont care what it takes
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hi omg i just realized i hit 500 followers thats so !!!!!!!!!!! there are 500 people that like reading what i write and that is just so crazy and bonkers to me omg like im imagining 500 people all congregated together just listening to me speaking at a podium thats unimaginable
it makes me so so happy that you all like the stories im putting out, omg i wish i could write something to thank you guys but im swamped with schoolwork rn :( thank you so so much again and i'll come back soon with more, here's the tentative plan i've got for order of things
breaking the ice 7 (i'll have completed a series for the first time omg)
velvet whispers, midnight truths 2
possessive az x reader request
az x reader as spies a la mr. and mrs. smith
i'll probably do some more one shots for different characters bc az has been getting a lot of attention from me as of late and then oooooo i have some ideas cooking for another series mhm mhm
#but seriously thank you again#i love that yall love what i write#very excited to write more for you :)#whenever chem and trig decide to get easy >:(#just edited this post 4 separate times for typos#im very post happy#like trigger happy get it#this is why i need yall to let me know if there are typos in my fics#no beta reader here#just a very sleep deprived and burnt out student
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https://www.tumblr.com/qualitydonutnightmare/748852794223706112/alright-im-gonna-share-my-epic-theory-now-anyone?source=share
everytime i see a "odyssey canon odysseus was unfaithful" i want to scream, blocking liberally ofc but sometimes one or two slip past and it starts all over again
Yeah, :'D I sadly usually just check on the Odysseus tag as...most people in there are FANS of him lol. And ofc I block liberally for my own health. :'D I don't even care to go in the Epic Tag sometimes because I'm so fucking tired of stupid people. (could be misinformed, yes. but honestly at a certain point...shut up. This is not Hamilton in which he willingly had an affair only to get blackmailed later. It was ALWAYS blackmail. It was Always Coercion.)
I think it comes from a lot of ignorance on how SA actually...goes down or happens?? Like people will blankly look over those parts of the Odyssey and not realize the distress there because idk, they've never gone through it, or are just so "This cannot happen to men." that it doesn't even register. As it is SO goddamn clear to me.
I said it before, I'll say it again. You can simp for Circe and Calypso without making fun of their victim, aka Odysseus.
#It's wild to me that people have been like “you're disrespecting actual survivors by saying he is one!” and I just ignore it. but I often#want to be like “I am one. I see it more disrespectful that you DON'T see him as one.” Everybody wants to hear “our stories”#until we actually say our feelings in a way. It's frustrating.#I usually try to get “warnings” whenever I read/watch/listen to things as you know. triggering. and so when I got warnings of#“Oh yeah. he's just a manwhore but nothing too graphic” only have incredibly graphic distress? graphic discomfort?#I just started crying and found the same passages in different translations to see if it's REALLY the same throughout. And it IS.#In every one (though some downplay it *coughs* WILSON *coughs*) he's upset. He's scared. he's FORCED. and it's so upsetting#seeing people call him names and shit. He's a piece of shit yes. but he's a victim and a survivor.#ask#anon#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#tw sa mention
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Kill la Kill is a really good anime to watch in highschool during your formative years when you're growing into your own and coming to terms with yourself and. That's about it. And then there's Mako (CUTEST relationship w Ryuko FOR REAL 😭😭😭)
#problematic milo moments#JDKHSKSJ JOKING. BUT. PERSONALLY. i just don't see myself ever rewatching it. even if the fight scenes do go crazy#and it's actually sooooo difficult for me whenever i'm reminded about it (mostly during convos about studio trigger) LIKE#the convo ALWAYS goes the same like. my sister 'yeah that's like the only one i haven't watched and i don't really feel the need to'#and i'm like 'AUGH. YEAH. UNDERSTANDABLE. the fight scenes are SO GOOD and the relationship#between mako and ryuko is SO CUTE but like. i can't recommend it to anybody.'#okay funniest bit of milo lore. you have my blessing to psychoanalyze this.#in the anime about fighting in less and less clothes and getting more naked but like as a commentary but also. you know.#which character did i develop a crush on? senketsu. the living clothes ryuko wears.#he's literally Nice .....#and a loyal FRIEND and encouraging COMPANION......#mako is also this but like. she only has eyes for ryuko. and i support that.#which to be fair you cannot separate senketsu from ryuko either (until... the tragedy.... 😢💔)#but i'm just saying. were i in ryuko's shoes.
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yalls i just woke up what the hell is happening
#why is someone throwing a whole child tantrum in people's dms#brother this is an adult fandom#if your game experience is easily disturbed by ppl just having fun maybe you need to go back to kindergarten#learn some co-existing and social skills#dean rambles#istg i wanna say that kind of behavior is not tolerated here#i AM block trigger happy#i will not warn nor let you know how to get unblocked#you're blocked for a reason#albeit sometimes it can be as small as in 'i dont like this ship so i dont wanna see it' to 'you guys are fucking deplorable'#but i do block whenever i want :))#ig i'll have to put out a serious PSA when i get home after class
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*chomp*
#horizon forbidden west#hfw#slitherfang#hfw machines#machines#hfw prologue#far zenith launch facility#this was from one of my glitchy excursions to the server room#so it's technically#hfw out of bounds#out of bounds exploration#the slitherfangs exist if you sequence break but iirc without a certain trigger there's no fuel pod or whatever they're chewing on#so you can get a good look at the inside of their mouths#also those freakin' earthgrinders front and center in this shot are giving me early-days flashbacks#when i desperately needed them for upgrades and they went flying halfway across the map whenever i tore them off...
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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so anyway this is why i fantasise about my lil ship involving the protagonist and villain of my favourite series ever and write stories about them to cope
#sakharine is the financial and emotional stability i need in my life and he isn't fucking REAL#idk man i like men but who the fuck would i trust now to be with#i have a queer identity that involves not really getting involved in relationships#and i have enough mental issues along with how so many of you have been acting over the last several years#to even think of doing anything remotely resembling trying to find some kind of one#i have one but we've been friends for over 7 years and she be such a good person and friend#vent#rant#trying to trust someone now is like trying to put out a fire with petrol#mental illness#trauma#the adventures of tintin#favourite films#tintin#favourite characters#this is why i have so many triggers whenever certain things happen to them#personal#sakharine#ivan ivanovitch sakharine#fictional crushes#lord save me is this how i've managed to survive all these years#neurodivergence#sakhatin#ships#writing#fanfiction#archive of our own
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Maybe I should let my horror f/os take over for Halloween,,, that would be fun :3c
🔪You do realize that's just me, right?
Nuh-uh! Virgil is from a horror source! Right, Virg?
🍦M-me? I guess you could say that...
🔪Ah c'mon! This guys softer than soft-serve! It's just me, and you know it. Say it. Say you want me to take over your little blog for a day, and I'll consider it.
🍦Does he have to be such an ass?
Unfortunately, yes 💕 Okay, dollface. I want you to take over my blog for Halloween.
🔪Ha! I knew it! So what the hell do I do? Make posts?
No guts, no gore, be nice to my friends, and use tags. Other than that, the blog is yours! Do what you want. I'll be here to help if you need me.
🔪Damn, take all the fun out of it, why doncha? Alright, alright. I'll follow your shitty rules.
Thank you. Love you, angel! 💕
🔪*grinning stupidly* Yeah, yeah. I love you too, kid.
#🔪So these are the tags huh?#Yeah! you put triggers down here. or just afterthoughts.#i like to use them to organize my blog so that i can find stuff later. for example...#🔪bloody banter🔪#thats your talking tag! whenever you talk. i tag with that! neat huh?#🔪 I'll get used to it.#((anyways this is just an exercise to help me get better at writing Chu.cky. pls be niceys to me kfjdskb))
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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real
#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re#feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so#many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit#but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place#plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey#breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital#and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag#but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit#im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel#heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy#vent tw#im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and#sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept#out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any#only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time#im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it
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Gremlin hours and the creature inside wants to gaslight white people on the internet
#the answer to people being pressed about nonsense is often to be amused#like hwyte mehn will be out here debating serious shit for shits and giggles just to be triggering#imma make shit up about things you take too seriously and see how far until you give out#mental wrestling#no ethics violations cuz literally internet people can log off whenever#but get trapped in the back and forth#I love no longer being 13#I’ve discovered the block button#you can vent about people after feeding them to the kraken#it’s gorgeous#don’t process your feelings while the troll is still standing#stick the knife all the way into its neck#rejoice in the safety from the colonizer#then rant#I forget my eepy tag#anywho this is more an ig thing#tumblr nonsense is trickier#but I’ve been too active there so I return to my bog#I love my fake stories website#it’s funny growing up being like#hi I identify as weird and hypocritical#and then watch people get mad when I’m weird and hypocritical#like girlypop I told you this#my brain is not on#I’m curious about the science of limited functioning#like tired in my case or drunk in others#I can literally feel the front part of my brain overheating while the back goes blank#like I can only access a shallow part of my personhood#I have the ability to continue sentences#and nothing else. wow peak writing conditions. anywho I reached 30 tags wow
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