#whenever I hear the song I immediately think of Dean

[viastro]

all for love | xu minghao

ミ★ synopsis: when you cough up the petals, you’re left with two choices. undergo the surgery where you’ll lose the love you have for the person that caused the disease, or tragically die with your love unrequited. [ requested by @adoreateez ]

ミ★ genre: hanahaki!au, angst, some fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: vomiting/coughing of flowers

ミ★ word count: 9,478

ミ★ pairings: xu minghao x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! i’m so sorry this is so late omg, i know that you requested it like a month ago AAAA i hope you like it tho </333 i know it might not be as angsty as you may have wanted </333 think it could be better but i </333 hope it’s okay </333 i also don’t know how this oneshot ended up being so long im cryin real tears NAKJESGKDTB

ミ★ taglist: @sunlightwoo​ @coppertrashi​ @sweetsoonhan​ @brinnalaine​ @minluvly​ @wonunuu​ @suhfluffy​ @shuajeong​ @euphorencia​ @imjustuhhvibing​ @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me​ @shuahaeee​ @jaeyuni​ @sunflowergyeomie​ @cheolliehugs​ @smileyjmvn @chanberriees @vi-nnx​ @kodzumo​ @dwcljh​ @thanky0uverykamsa​

“Minghao!” The black haired beauty turns at the call of his name, a warm smile forming on his face when he lays eyes on you standing at the doorway of the dance studio, convenience store bag in hand. He reaches his hand up and waves you over, giggling when you speed walk over to him while greeting the other dance team members.

“What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to come get you after your shift ended.” Minghao asks, taking the bag you’re holding out to him and peeking inside. He lets out a breath when he sees his favorite snacks sitting in it, feeling an immense wave of gratitude hit him when he looks back up towards you.

“My manager sent me home early since it wasn’t busy, so I decided to buy some food for you! Some of it is for me though, since I’ll be sitting here waiting for hours—”

“Dance practice ends in 15 minutes.”

“Hours for your practice to finish.” You continue, and Minghao chuckles when you go the extra mile to wipe away a nonexistent drop of sweat from your forehead. He opens his mouth to tease you, only to stop when Jun, Soonyoung and Chan pull you into an unsuspecting group hug. A laugh escapes Minghao when he sees the look of horror on your face when you’re suddenly yanked from behind.

“MINGHAO! I’m being kidnapped by the three stooges!” 

“The fuck did they just call us?” 

Minghao rolls his eyes when the four of you begin to bicker, instead walking over to his phone to turn on the song they have to practice for the showcase in a couple months. Your eyes trail after him, slightly tuning out Soonyoung begging you to watch him during their practice so that he can hear your feedback. 

“Yn! You’re not even listening to me.” Soonyoung whines, resting his forehead onto your shoulder in defeat. Your head snaps back towards the blonde, smiling and patting the back of his neck to try and console him. “I’ll watch you, I’ll watch you. Don’t worry.” 

The self-proclaimed tiger friend of yours looks back up at you with a happy grin, and you chuckle at the sight. You reach up and pat his face with your hands, before motioning towards the dance floor where Jun and Chan are already preparing.

“Go and practice! You’re like a little hamster.” You say with a laugh, and he rolls his eyes at you. Minghao watches from the speakers, letting out a giggle when he sees the way Soonyoung’s smile immediately turns into a frown when you mention the cute animal.

“I’m a tiger, yn!”

“You’re a furry is what you are.” The three laugh at your retort, and Soonyoung bites back a chuckle in an attempt to still appear to be mad at you. He opens his mouth to respond, only for his eyes to widen in panic when a hand covers his face and pulls him backwards. 

“Practice ends soon. I’ll treat you after for the snacks, okay?” Minghao says to you, still holding back Soonyoung as the blonde struggles against his hold. You bite back your giggles at the ridiculous sight, instead nodding your head at your best friend. Taking a bite of the fish-shaped ice cream sandwich you bought for yourself, you motion towards the dance floor where the rest of the team is waiting. 

Minghao just sends you a pretty smile, practically dragging Soonyoung against his will towards the mirrors. You laugh softly at the sight, sitting down onto the floor as you watch them begin to practice.

You told Soonyoung that you’d watch him, but you find that your eyes keep trailing over to Minghao instead.

You quietly watch Minghao paint on the canvas from across the art studio, knowing that when he splatters paint it can get almost everywhere. 

You learned that the hard way. 

Rest in Peace, Nike AF1s.

The sunlight rests over his features, making his black hair appear brown. The honey-like color of his skin is glowing underneath the sun, and you find yourself thanking the weather for this sight that lies before you.

“Mm, you’re staring.” You blink when Minghao peeks at you with a smile, catching you in the act. You squint, turning away and laying onto your back on the couch. Pulling out your phone, you go to YouTube to watch a mukbang, effectively ignoring Minghao’s giggles as he looks at you. 

He shakes his head, hair falling over his eyes as he looks back towards the canvas and gently presses the paintbrush against it. 

You mindlessly scroll through Twitter for another thirty minutes when you suddenly feel a presence above you. You slowly lower your phone from your face, only to lock eyes with an amused looking Minghao hovering above you. Warmth floods your face immediately as you look at the rather compromising position the two of you are in. 

Minghao’s leaning over you, hand resting on the back of the couch. His long hair is falling over his face, and he has a small smile on his face as he stares down at you.

Unable to think of something to say, you slowly bring your phone back up to your face so that you don’t have to look at him any longer. Minghao laughs at your actions, leaning back so that he’s standing at his full height. 

“Come on, I’m done painting for today. We can go get food.” Your ears perk up at the mention of food, and you immediately stand up from the sofa. You give Minghao a bright smile, and a fond grin forms on his face at the sight. 

“Are you paying this time?” You ask teasingly as you and Minghao start walking out of the room, and the black haired beauty purses his lips, before nodding his head. “Since you waited for me to finish painting, I’ll pay this time.” 

You punch the air out of excitement, and Minghao rolls his eyes as he watches you. He reaches out and wraps his arm around you, stopping you mid-punch. He pats your head, and you turn to look at him. 

You feel your heart stutter within your chest as the two of you stare at each other in silence for a moment. His brown eyes hold so much depth to them, so much warmth whenever he looks at you. To anyone else, they may mistake it for romantic love.

But you know better.

You giggle and wrap your arm around Minghao, “Where are you taking me for lunch? Teriyaki?” 

“I was thinking of convenience store ramen?” 

“You’re so cheap.” 

“We’re two broke university students. Convenience store ramen is luxury, yn.” 

The two of you burst into laughter at Minghao’s response, even though you both know it’s true. You tease each other the rest of the way to the teriyaki place, since Minghao decided to splurge just a little for you. 

As you watch Minghao order your guys’ food, you rest your hand over your heart, feeling it beat a bit harder against your chest when he turns to give you a grin. 

Letting out a sigh, you scroll through the pdf opened up on your laptop and write some more notes on the material. Minghao looks up from his own laptop at the sound of your frustration, and he purses his lips when he sees the furrow in between your eyebrows. 

Without a word, he leans across the table, reaching out and trying to soothe away the crease to your brows. Startled at the sudden contact, you slowly look up at him, seeing the look of accomplishment on his face as he sits back down in his chair once you’re no longer frowning. 

“Minghao?” 

“Let’s just study for a bit longer and then we can go to the night market.” Minghao says with a warm smile, and you bite the inside of your cheek, nodding your head in agreement as you lean back into your chair. You begin scrolling through your pdf again, attempting to take more notes in hopes that the two of you will go to the night market soon. 

However, as the minutes pass, you find that your eyes keep trailing over to Minghao as you aimlessly scroll through your laptop. The yellow light from the lamp beside him illuminates his features beautifully, and you quietly wonder to yourself how Minghao is capable of being so pretty. 

“Okay, I’m done.” Minghao announces once he turns in his assignment. You blink your eyes before turning to your laptop and seeing your own unfinished notes. The black haired beauty raises an eyebrow at the expression on your face, knowing all too well that you haven’t finished your notes. 

“I can finish it later?” You say, voice raising at the end that it ends up sounding like you’re not too sure of that statement. Minghao grins, reaching out and patting your head fondly, making warmth blossom across your face. 

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“No. Finish your homework.” Minghao tells you, his grin now replaced with a straight face as he leans back into his chair. You let out a quiet groan, realizing that you forgot who you were studying with.

Your best friend, Xu Minghao, top of the Dean’s list.

“Why do you hate me?” You ask, trying your best to appeal with puppy dog eyes. Minghao simply rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone, chuckling when he hears you sigh in defeat. Grumbling to yourself, you’re able to finish your notes in about 15 minutes because of your newfound anger motivating you. 

You shut your laptop, causing the black haired beauty to look up at you from his phone. He tilts his head at you when you flash him a bright smile.

“Done?” 

“Done.” 

Minghao grins, standing up from the table and putting his stuff away into his bag with you following suit. You’re about to pick up your bag when Minghao walks over to your side of the table, taking your bag and slinging it over his shoulder with his own. You raise an eyebrow, “What a gentleman. Are you gonna pay for all the food I’ll get at the food stands too?” 

Minghao scoffs, nudging your shoulder as he steps away from the table, making you giggle. You follow after him, the two of you walking side by side out of the library. You both converse as you walk on the sidewalk, the warm night air enveloping you as you do so. 

You take a glance at your bag, watching as Minghao adjusts the strap over his shoulder as he hums quietly. Pursing your lips, you gently nudge his shoulder to get his attention, and he turns his head towards you. 

“Mm?” 

“I can carry my bag, you know.” You say with a grin, and Minghao just nods his head in agreement. You feel your heart stutter within your chest when he gives you that smile of his, the one that’s always so full of warmth whenever he looks at you. 

“I know.” 

“Then why—”

“Because I wanted to.” Minghao answers, tilting his head to see if you’ll ask more questions. You simply bite the inside of your cheek, nodding as you turn away to look towards the sidewalk again. You listen as Minghao begins to talk about what food he’s excited to try when the two of you arrive, and you do your best to respond.

But the tingle in your throat captures your attention for the rest of the night.

“Soonyoung!” You exclaim with a smile as you watch him trip over his own feet onto the grass, Chan toppling over him as he explodes with laughter. 

“Chan, my allergies!” 

“I have benadryl, it’ll be okay.”

“No it won’t!” 

You smile fondly as you watch Jun walk over to the two on the grass, reaching out with his hand to help them up. Suddenly you’re reminded that you came with four guys, and your eyes trail across the park until you find Minghao snapping photos of the pretty peonies. 

You watch as the warm sun rests over his features, making his black hair appear brown in the light. He pulls back from the peonies, looking through the photos he captured on his camera for a moment. After a moment, he turns his head towards you, and a fond smile immediately takes over his features. 

“You’re staring again.” Minghao calls out to you, and you roll your eyes in response. He lets out a laugh before Jun barrels over and wraps his arm around him, capturing the pretty man’s attention. You sigh, laying down onto your back on the picnic blanket as you stare up at the tree above you.

The five of you decided to have a picnic at the park today as you all finally finished the last of your finals. You and Jun cooked, while Soonyoung, Chan and Minghao prepared the stuff to bring. Once you all got to the park, you each ate your food and conversed under the warm rays of the summer sun. It was rather nice actually, having taken polaroids of each other as well to commemorate such a precious day. 

Your thoughts come to a stop when Minghao pops his head up from above you, warmth in his eyes as he stares down at you. 

“Having fun?” Minghao asks you in his soft voice, and you nod your head, giggling when you hear the loud laughter coming from the three stooges. “Of course.”

Minghao squats down and extends his hand out towards you, to which you take a hold of it, letting him help you sit up from the blanket. You raise an eyebrow when you see his arm behind his back, looking back at him with a questioning expression on your face. 

Minghao lets out a fond smile at the scrunch to your nose, before reaching out with the hand he was hiding, revealing the pretty peony. “Here.”

You stare down at the pink flower, looking at the delicate petals that are so soft to the touch. Slowly, you glance back up towards Minghao, who’s carefully watching your reaction. 

“Minghao?” 

The latter chuckles, gently waving his hand that’s holding the flower, signaling for you to take it. You reach out and take it from his grasp, looking down at the peony once again. Minghao smiles, before saying in a soft voice,

“A pretty flower for my flower.” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, your gaze slowly trails up towards Minghao, finding yourself searching his eyes for an answer to a question that you’re not even sure of. Silence settles over the two of you as you just stare into each other's eyes for a moment, trying to make each other out.

“Minghao! Yn! Let’s play badminton!” The two of you snap your heads towards Jun’s voice, seeing them grabbing the badminton rackets. Minghao raises up his arm towards the three, “Coming!” 

You watch as Minghao stands up from his squatting position, dusting off the back of his jeans before reaching out towards you with his hand. You grasp his hand, letting him pull you up from the blanket. 

“You can leave the peony here so that it doesn’t get ruined during the game.” Minghao tells you softly, and you nod your head. He grins, patting your head before heading over towards Soonyoung and Jun, who seem to be bickering over what racket they want. 

While you stare down at the peony for a moment longer, silently wondering why this small gift means so much to you. You gently place the flower down onto the picnic blanket and look over towards the four, watching as Minghao lets out a laugh at something Soonyoung said. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you walk over to your friends to play badminton. 

You type away on your laptop, preparing to send the email of your resume to apply as an assistant stylist at W Magazine. It’s always been a dream of yours to make it into the big leagues as a fashion stylist, but you have to start down at the lower ranks before you can achieve that.

If you get this position, then it’ll only be a confirmation that you’ll be able to accomplish your goal. 

The sound of your ringtone grabs your attention, and you take a deep breath, before submitting your application. You turn to reach for your phone resting beside you, lifting up the small piece of metal to your ear you answer, 

“Hello?”

“Yn?” You raise an eyebrow at Jun’s worried tone, sitting up on your couch. Looking over at the time, you see that it’s already 10 at night, but you know that the four are at the studio based on the loud music you hear in the background.

“Jun? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Minghao, he’s pushing himself too much again cause the showcase is in a couple weeks. He refuses to leave until he perfects the choreo.” Jun mutters, and you let out a breath, already closing your laptop and standing up from your sofa. You grab your jacket and quickly put it on before slipping into your sneakers. 

“I’ll be there soon.” You say as you walk out of your apartment, hearing Jun tell you thank you in at least four languages before hanging up the call. 

You arrive at the dance studio within 15 minutes since your apartment is right by campus, and you’re greeted by the sound of the bass booming from within the room. You’re about to open the door, only to stop when Jun steps out with a worried look on his face. He looks up at you, and lets out a tired smile. 

“Go home, Junnie. I’ll take care of him.” You tell him, and he nods his head. He pulls you into a quick hug, before walking out of the building, exhaustion evident due to the slump of his shoulders. 

You gently open the door, and your heart breaks when you see Minghao sitting on the floor, face resting in his hands as the music blares from around him. Biting the inside of your cheek, you quietly close the door, before shuffling over to the speakers and pausing the music on his phone. 

“Jun, I already told you that I’m not leaving until I finish this.” Minghao says tiredly, looking up from his hands in your direction, only to stop when he lays eyes on you standing there.

You’re just in a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt, your unzipped sweatshirt hanging off your shoulders. The concern is evident over your features as you stare at him from where you are, and his eyes trail down to your fiddling hands, a sign that you’re nervous. 

“Did Jun call you?” Minghao asks as he looks away from you, staring down at his knees. You nod your head, clearing the itch in your throat, “Yeah. He did.” 

Silence falls over the two of you, with Minghao holding back the tears that threaten to escape his eyes from the pent up frustration, and you knowing that they’re about to fall. You watch as the black haired beauty lowers his head, before covering his face up with his hands, shoulders beginning to shake as he cries. 

You pad your way over, sitting down beside him and extending your legs out. Gently, you grasp his shoulder and slowly maneuver him so that his head is resting on your lap, quiet sobs wracking his body as he lets you hold him. 

“It’s okay, Minghao.” You mutter softly, stroking his hair as a means to comfort him. He shakes his head at you, and you let out a small smile. 

“You did well.” 

That simple sentence sends Minghao into another wave of tears, but you just hold him quietly as you pat his head. A few minutes pass until he’s finally calmed down, and he slowly lowers his hands away from his face, now taking deep breaths to get his breathing back to normal. 

Your hand trails down to his cheek as you wipe away the remaining tears. Minghao just lets you as he stares up at the ceiling in silence, millions of thoughts and worries running through his brain. 

You know better than to ask him about what he’s thinking, though. Over the last couple years of knowing the black haired beauty, you’ve learned that Minghao will tell you what’s going on at his own pace and that he’ll only shy away the more you pester him.

So instead you say, “Come on, let’s go back to my apartment.” 

Minghao stares up at the ceiling for a moment longer, before nodding his head in agreement and sitting up from your lap. The two of you stand up off the floor, and you shuffle over to his dance bag and shove everything he brought into it. Minghao just watches you as you do so, eyes trailing after you as you walk over to the speaker and disconnect his phone, placing it into the bag as well. 

“Let’s go, Minghao.” You say as you walk over to the door, and he follows after you, exhaustion now wearing down on his body from how hard he pushed himself tonight. The two of you step out of the studio, and you let out a sigh at the warm night air. 

You both walk in a comfortable silence the rest of your way to your apartment, only having a brief exchange when you grab his spare clothes from his bag and hand it to him as he walks to your bathroom to take a shower. 

It’s like a routine for the two of you now, as this isn’t the first time this has happened. Minghao’s a perfectionist, so when something’s not right, he will push himself until he can correct it. Each of the guys learned that the hard way, as they would sometimes be victims to Minghao’s critiques. However, Minghao’s the hardest on himself. 

It’s always Minghao taking care of you in your guys’ friendship. He’s the more mature one, more level headed, more responsible — but you’re the only one who can calm him down when he gets into this headspace.

You clear your throat in a failed attempt of getting rid of the tingle that’s been bothering you for the last couple of months. Walking into your kitchen, you fill up a glass of water and down it all in one go, but to no avail. 

“I wonder if it’s cause I snore in my sleep?” You ask yourself, only to glance up when you hear your bathroom door open, a fresh Minghao stepping out of it. His hair is damp as he trudges over to your couch and lays down onto it.

“You want any dinner? I can order takeout.” You offer as you walk over to him, and he shakes his head, simply pulling the blanket over his body. Nodding your head, you let out a yawn, “I’m tired, so I’m going to head to bed. There’s leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry.” 

Minghao doesn’t respond, and you take that as a sign to turn and walk into your bedroom, only to stop when you feel the warmth of his hand grasping yours. You look back towards the pretty man, just to see him lying there with his eyes closed. 

“Minghao?” 

“Thank you, yn. I love you.” 

You hate the way your heart soars within your chest at those three words when you know fully well that Minghao means it in a platonic way. 

You’re his best friend that he loves and cares about.

And he’s your best friend that you love.

“I love you too, Minghao. Now go to sleep, mm?” You say softly, giving his hand a squeeze. He lets out a sleepy smile, before releasing his gentle grip on your hand. 

You hate the fact that your hand feels cold without him holding it.

You stare at him for a moment longer, before walking into your bedroom and closing the door behind you. You climb into your bed, feeling the tingle in your throat turn into a full blown itch as you attempt to clear it. Reaching over to your water bottle, you take a long sip before placing it back down onto the table and laying on your back, convincing yourself that it’s nothing.

It’s only a few hours later when you’re awakened by the urge to vomit and practically sprint to the bathroom, locking the door behind you. Leaning over the toilet, you sob quietly as you vomit the familiar pink petals of the flower Minghao gave you at the dead of night. 

You stare down at your blanket, fiddling with the thread as millions of thoughts run through your brain. Your eyes trail over to your phone, watching as it lights up with a new text from Jun. 

jun: yn i'm gonna break into your apartment if you don’t answer

You let out a scoff, coughing slightly as you turn off your phone. You adjust your position until you’re laying on your side and close your eyes in an attempt to get some sleep. 

It’s been a week since you coughed up the flowers and realized your tragic fate. 

You love Minghao.

Minghao doesn’t love you.

The morning after Minghao stayed the night, he made you breakfast before leaving while you were asleep, writing a note to let you know that he had to go to his part time job and that he’ll be busy for the upcoming week leading to the showcase.

The two of you haven’t seen each other since then, and you suppose it’s for the best. Every time you text him, let alone think of him, the itchy feeling of the petals climbing up your throat appears. 

Your thoughts are cut short when you hear your apartment door open, and you let out a groan when Jun suddenly appears in your bedroom doorway, holding the spare key you gave Minghao in his hand. The brunette frowns at your reaction to his appearance, “You’ve been avoiding Minghao.” 

“No. We’ve both been busy—”

“Even when Minghao’s busy with the team, and even when you’re busy with work, you still make the time to visit him at the studio. What’s wrong, yn?” You bite your bottom lip, turning over so that your back is facing Jun. He lets out a sigh, walking over to your side so that he can sit down on the bed, only to pause when he sees your garbage full of the beautiful petals. 

You hear Jun’s breath hitch, and you squeeze your eyes shut, realizing what he must’ve seen. You feel Jun’s hand rest on your shoulder, and suddenly you’re being moved onto your back, staring up into his frantic eyes as he searches your face. 

“No.” Jun mutters, voice quivering when you give him a pained smile. The two of you stare at each other for a moment longer, and he watches as a tear escapes your left eye.

“Is it…” Jun trails off when you nod your head, reaching your hands up and wiping away the wetness on your cheeks. You give him a tight smile, “It’s Mingh—” 

Jun’s eyes widen when you suddenly gag, watching as you get up from your bed and run straight to your bathroom. The brunette quickly follows after you, and he feels his heart break within his chest when he sees the pink petals fall from your mouth into the toilet, tears escaping your eyes as they do so. 

He kneels down beside you, patting your back until you finally throw up all the petals. You let out a groan, sitting back against the bathtub as Jun wipes away the bile around your mouth with a wet towel. 

“Please don’t tell him.” You mumble when Jun pushes away the baby hairs around your face. His eyes flit up to yours, and his lips form into a thin line, before he starts patting your forehead with the cool towel. 

“Junhui please—”

“I won’t tell Minghao.” Jun states, and you let out a breath of relief. A heavy silence settles upon the two of you afterwards, the looming thought that there’s only two cures to this disease hovering over you both. 

“You know what you have to do, right yn?” 

You don’t respond to his question, choosing to instead stare down at your fiddling hands. Jun turns to look at you, a serious look on his face as he nudges your shoulder for you to answer. Biting the inside of your cheek, you finally glance back at him, finding him to be blurry as tears flood your eyes. 

“Don’t give up your life for him, yn.” Jun tells you softly, and you shake your head at him. You hear him let out an exasperated sigh, but you just shake your head even more. 

“You know what will happen if I get the surgery, Jun. I won’t ever be able to love him, not even as my best friend. I can even end up hating him.” You say, and the brunette nods. He looks up towards your ceiling, knowing very well of the consequences that come with choosing your life over Minghao. 

“Hao may be my best friend, but I’m not going to let you give up your life for the sake of him.” You just stare at Jun as the tears fall past your eyes again, and he gives you a sad smile. He reaches out and pats your head fondly, before standing up from your bathroom floor. 

“I need to go to practice, but please. Live for yourself, yn.” And with that, Jun walks out of your bathroom. The sound of your apartment door closing resonates through your small apartment, and it’s the only thing that gets you to stand up from the tiled floor. 

You walk back to your bedroom, seeing your phone lit up on your dresser. Picking up the cool metal, you tap the email notification, only for your eyes to widen when you realize—

It’s W Magazine. 

They want to schedule an interview with you.

Your phone falls from your shaky hands and lands on the bed as you turn to stare at your reflection in the mirror, heart beating rapidly against your chest. 

The exhaustion is evident on your features, from your prominent bags, to the sag of your shoulders. However, there’s a glint of excitement in your eyes from the fact that you’re a step closer to your dream. 

Your gaze slowly trails over to your garbage can behind you, the bloody flowers laying in the bin staring back at you. 

“Live for yourself, yn.” 

You reach out for your phone and go to your contacts, scrolling all the way to the bottom before placing it up to your ear. You let out a shaky breath when you hear the person on the other end pick up the phone, before looking back towards yourself in the mirror.

“Hello, I’d like to schedule an appointment.”

“Everything looks good for the showcase tomorrow.” Jun says from beside Minghao, watching as Soonyoung and Chan perform their duet on the stage. The black haired beauty nods his head, glancing down at his phone to see if you responded to his message. 

A grin takes over his features when he sees your notification and unlocks his phone, chuckling when he sees the string of curses you sent for missing the pocket in the 8ball game the two of you were playing. Jun carefully watches Minghao’s expressions as he texts you, very aware of the fond smile on his best friend’s face. 

Jun looks away, attempting to focus on Soonyoung and Chan’s rehearsal instead of wondering how Minghao doesn’t love you back. It’s ridiculous to him when he thinks of how much Minghao truly cares for you, or the warm look in his eyes whenever he stares at you. 

Jun just doesn’t understand how Minghao couldn’t have fallen in love with you.

“Are you gonna see yn before the showcase? This is the longest the two of you haven’t seen each other.” Jun asks, and he watches as Minghao purses his lips in thought. The black haired beauty shakes his head after a moment, giving Jun a grin as he says, “I’ll see yn tomorrow at the showcase. I’ll still be pretty busy for a few more hours after this just to double check that everything is good to go anyways.” 

Jun nods his head slowly, looking back towards the stage when the music ends, signaling that Soonyoung and Chan’s duet is over. The two wave their hands over at Jun and Minghao, calling them to come up so they can rehearse their choreography. 

Minghao nudges Jun’s shoulder, “Let’s go practice.” 

Jun watches as your best friend walks over to the stage, laughing brightly at something Soonyoung said. The brunette bites his bottom lip, opening up his phone to read your last message to him. 

yn: i’m getting the surgery tomorrow

please take care of minghao for me

He lets out a breath and slips his phone back into his pocket, before looking up when he hears the call of his name. He locks eyes with Minghao, who’s smiling happily and waving him over along with Chan and Soonyoung. 

“Come on!” 

Jun sends them a tight smile, before heading over to the stage, heart heavy with the knowledge that Minghao’s happiness will soon dwindle.

You lay on your bed, the itch in your throat feeling more annoying today than it has the previous days.  The glow in the dark stars on your ceiling capture your attention, and you feel your eyes watering at the sight of them.

You used to find comfort in the small stars, the memory of you and Minghao sticking them onto the ceiling when you first moved in being one that brought you content. Now all you feel is heartbreak from the knowledge that you’ll no longer feel warm at the thought of him. 

You’re startled by the sound of your phone vibrating beside you, and you lift up the device, seeing that Minghao’s calling you. Biting your bottom lip, you wonder if it would be a good idea to answer. 

You vomit and cough up flowers when you think of Minghao, how much worse can it be when you actually hear his voice? 

But this is the last time you’ll be able to hear his voice and feel like you’re home.

And so, you answer the call. Placing your phone to your ear you say, “Minghao?” 

“Yn.”

“Why are you calling me at 2 in the morning?” You ask with a small smile on your face, ignoring the feeling of petals beginning to crawl up your lungs. Minghao rolls his eyes, rolling over onto his back in his own bed. “Do I need an excuse to call my best friend?” 

“No, but it’s 2 in the morning so I feel like I should ask.” You say with a giggle, and Minghao smiles at the sound. He lets out a sigh, looking out towards his window and seeing the stars shining brightly in the sky. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and that I’m excited to see you tomorrow.” Minghao tells you in a softer voice, and you feel your heart stutter within your chest. Your eyes begin to water as you roll over in bed, now laying on your side. 

“I miss you too.” You mumble, and the black haired beauty grins at that. You hear him let out a yawn on the other end, “I need to sleep since I’m waking up early tomorrow.” 

You nod your head even though he can’t see it, muttering how he should definitely be asleep right now. Blinking your eyes, you feel a tear escape and slide down your face until it lands on your pillow. 

“Night night, Minghao.” You say, and Minghao smiles softly. 

“Sweet dreams, yn.” 

As soon as you end the call, the petals come rushing up, and you sprint to your bathroom, a painful reminder that Minghao doesn’t love you. 

And by tomorrow night, you won’t love him either.

Jun watches from across the room as Minghao does his eye makeup for the showcase, the sound of the audience talking in excitement being heard from upstairs. He glances down at his phone, opening up his conversation with you to send you a text.

jun: does minghao know? 

Your phone vibrates beside you on the bed as you wait for your surgeon to enter the room. You reach out and grab it, raising it up to your face and seeing Jun’s message. Letting out a breath, you quickly type your response and press send, placing the device back onto the bed. 

you: no

Jun just stares at your answer, and he closes his eyes tightly, already awaiting the impending doom that’s about to fall upon you and Minghao. His eyes snap open when he feels a hand rest on his shoulder, and he looks up to see the black haired beauty staring down at him with a grin.

“You nervous?” Minghao asks, and Jun shrugs his shoulders as he leans back into the chair. He turns off his phone, placing it down onto the table as he purses his lips. 

He’s nervous, but not for the showcase. 

“A bit, just the usual pre-show jitters, ya know?” Minghao nods his head in agreement, understanding exactly what Jun means. He lets out a sigh, before looking over towards the door when the sound of a knock resonates through the room. Soonyoung and Chan’s heads pop through the opening, big smiles on their faces, signaling that it’s time for them to go on.

“It’s time already?” Minghao asks with a grin, walking over to the door with Jun by his side. Soonyoung nods, clapping his hands excitedly as he’s always been one to not be very nervous before their showcases. “Yup. It’s a few more minutes until the opening performance.” 

The four walk towards the main stage, listening to Soonyoung and Chan ramble about how much they’ve missed the feeling of performing. However, Jun’s mind is elsewhere as they enter the stage, unable to respond to his other teammates as he worries for what’s to come. 

“Are you excited to see your biggest fan?” Chan teasingly asks Minghao as they get into position, and the black haired beauty smiles warmly at the thought of you. He nods his head, looking at the curtain as if he can see right through it. “Always.” 

Jun looks down at the floor at the fondness dripping from Minghao’s voice as he steps over and goes into position, avoiding eye contact with any of the three guys as he does so. The voice of the MC is heard from beyond the curtain as they say the welcome speech, and Soonyoung looks over at Minghao with a grin.

“Are you ready, Minghao?” 

You slowly lower the phone from your ear, ending the call right as your surgeon walks into your hospital room. You look up towards him and see the pitiful smile on his face, a tragic reminder of what you’re here for.

“Are you ready, yn?” 

Minghao smiles at the blonde, before looking back towards the front as the curtains open. 

You let out a shaky breath, glancing down towards your fiddling hands as you nod your head. 

The both of you mutter, “Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

“You guys did great!” 

“Good job as always, Minghao!” 

The black haired beauty smiles and nods his head at those who came to watch them perform, thanking them for coming. However, his eyes continue to sweep through the crowd, trying to find your warmth filled eyes. 

You always sit in the front row so that Minghao will see you when he performs, and you’re always the first one to run and hug him whenever the showcase ends, giving him a large bouquet of flowers.

But you weren’t in the front row, and you weren’t the first one to congratulate him today.

Minghao excuses himself from the conversation as he walks over to Soonyoung and Jun, a frown etched across his features as he wonders where you could possibly be. Jun looks over right as Minghao steps over to them, and he feels his heart sink at the lost expression on the latter’s face.

“Have you guys seen yn?” Minghao asks, and the two shake their heads, no. The black haired beauty bites his bottom lip, turning to look over at the crowd again to see if you just got caught up talking to someone. Soonyoung purses his lips, “Why don’t you call them?”

Minghao lets out a breath, realizing that was the first thing he should’ve done in the first place. He quickly thanks Soonyoung and walks backstage to grab his phone. As he heads towards the dressing room, he can only wonder whether you possibly got stuck in traffic or if something came up.

He pushes open the door and walks over to his bag, pulling out his phone and unlocking it to see that you left a voicemail. Raising an eyebrow, Minghao presses play and puts the cool metal to his ear.

“Hi, Minghao.” You say softly, willing for your voice not to shake as you look out the window of your hospital room. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your showcase, but I know that you did great. You always do.” 

Minghao frowns, looking over towards the doorway when he hears the door open, only to find Jun standing there. 

“You… you always filled me with so much warmth.” You begin, feeling tears slowly flood your eyes as you cast your eyes downward towards your blanket. “I’m so thankful to have had you in my life for so long, and I’m so sorry for not telling you.” 

Minghao’s frown deepens at your words, wondering what you’ve been keeping a secret. 

You let out a shaky breath, tears falling from your eyes as you look up towards the ceiling. “I’m in love with you, Minghao.”

Minghao’s heart drops into his stomach at your words, suddenly realizing what’s happening. He turns towards Jun, seeing the remorseful expression on his face as he watches him.

“I don’t know when these feelings began but I always knew that I cared for you so much more than I should’ve.” You clutch the thin hospital blanket in your hand, biting your bottom lip harshly to try and speak clearly for Minghao to hear every word you’re saying. “I was originally going to let the disease run its course because I never want to forget the feeling of loving you and the warmth you brought me.” 

You raise your hand up and wipe away the tears falling from your eyes, “But I decided to get the surgery, so that’s why I couldn’t make it to your showcase today.” 

Minghao’s eyes widen, and he quickly grabs his bag, throwing everything inside. Jun walks over, resting a hand on Minghao’s shoulder to try and talk to him, only for the latter to shrug his hand off as he listens to your words.

“I’ll always be grateful that you were my first love.” 

Minghao throws the bag over his shoulder and runs out of the dressing room, tears falling from his eyes as he ignores Jun’s shouts from behind him.

“I’m so sorry that I’ll no longer be able to give you that love, and I know that I’ll always regret losing you, but I have to do this.” 

Minghao sprints down the hallway, shoving open the door and being hit with a wave of the warm summer air. He frantically looks around, breathing heavily as he starts running in the direction of the hospital, hearing your last words to him through his phone.

“I want to live, Minghao.”

“You just need to stay here overnight to make sure there were no complications in your surgery, but everything went smoothly.” Dr. Jung tells you, and you nod your head as the nurse helps you sit up on the bed. The sound of your beating heart is heard in your ears, and you raise your hand up, resting it on your chest as you feel it beat against your hand. 

You’re alive.

The sound of running feet is heard down the hallway, and you pause when you hear it come to a stop. Feeling a pair of eyes on you, you look over towards the door, only to lock eyes with the familiar pair that always held warmth in them when they saw you. 

You see none of the warmth as he stares at you, instead finding an indecipherable emotion to them. His eyes searching yours to find the answer to the question he doesn’t dare to ask. 

You have no doubt that yours once held a familiar weight to them as his do right now. 

“Yn—” 

You turn away from him, effectively answering the question he was about to ask. Minghao’s heart falls in his chest when you give your surgeon a tight smile as the man exits the room along with the nurse, giving the black haired beauty a pitiful look. 

“Yn.” Minghao says as he walks over to your hospital bed, standing before you as you look out the window. “Yn, please.”

“It’s not your fault.” You mutter quietly, and he pauses. You slowly turn your head to look up at him, giving him a small smile that holds no affection, no love. “Don’t blame yourself for what I had to do.”

“Why,” Minghao looks down at the floor, trying to bring his breathing back to normal as he musters up the courage to continue. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You stare at the man you once loved. His black hair is styled to reveal his forehead, eyeliner adorning his eyes along with dark eyeshadow. Before, your heart would’ve been racing as you stared at the pretty man in front of you. However, you feel none of the warmth that you used to as he looks back up towards you. 

You give him a close-lipped smile, “Because I loved you, Minghao.” 

He bites his bottom lip, looking down at his feet in defeat as the tears begin to fall from his eyes. Raising his hands up to his face, he wonders if this is all just a nightmare. That you never got hanahaki, that you never got the surgery…

That you still love him. 

“Minghao! Yn!” The two of you turn towards the door, finding Jun, Soonyoung, and Chan standing there, chests rising and falling as they try to catch their breath. You let out a fond smile when you see your friends, but they just stare between you and Minghao with conflicting expressions on their faces. 

“Yn, are you okay?” Soonyoung asks, walking up to your bedside along with Chan while Jun just stares at Minghao, feeling guilty at the heartbroken expression that adorns Minghao’s features. 

You nod your head at the blonde, “I’m feeling okay, don’t worry. Sorry I couldn’t make it today.” 

Soonyoung just gives you a tight smile, reaching out and patting your hand as he turns back to look towards Minghao. The black haired beauty just stands there, staring at the floor with pain stricken eyes and slumped shoulders. 

“I think we should take Minghao back to his apartment.” Chan says, and you nod your head in understanding. Your eyes trail over towards the pretty man, and Jun sees no emotion in your gaze as you stare at Minghao. You look up towards Jun, catching his eye as you send him a small smile. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

“We’ll come visit with food later.” Soonyoung tells you, and you grin. You raise your hand up and wave towards the four, and the three of them return the gesture. Minghao just turns to look at you for a moment, heartbreak evident in his eyes as his eyes look over your features, as if to remember. 

Minghao clenches his fist at his side, before turning and walking out of the room without another word. Jun quickly follows after him in panic after waving at you one more time, and you just let out a breath as Soonyoung and Chan go after them.

“Minghao!” Jun calls out, following Minghao all the way out the hospital. The brunette rests a hand over his chest, trying to even out his breathing as he speeds up to reach out towards his heartbroken best friend.

“MINGHAO!” Jun yells, finally grabbing the latter’s arm, causing the two of them to stop and catch their breaths on the sidewalk. Minghao raises his hands up to his hair, gripping on the strands as multiple emotions flood through him. 

“Why are you so devastated? They’re alive, Minghao. Isn’t that what matters?” Jun asks, looking at Minghao with a furrow to his brow as the black haired beauty looks around with frantic eyes. Jun grabs Minghao’s other arm and shakes the man, “Minghao!” 

“I don’t know!” Minghao exclaims as he finally faces Jun, tears running down his face as he stares at him. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing the lump in his throat as numerous questions flow through his mind. 

Minghao’s always been the more composed between the two of them, with everyone agreeing that he’s quite mature. However, as Jun stares at his friend before him, he no longer sees the collected Minghao that he’s grown to know over the years. 

“I don’t know what I’m feeling! I-I can’t begin to explain how much it hurts.” Minghao says, resting a hand over his heart as he feels a sob bubble up in his chest. Jun kneels down in worry as Minghao doubles over, sobs wracking his body as he raises his hands to cover his face.

“Minghao, let’s take you back to your apartment. We can talk there.” Jun tells him, and Minghao doesn’t respond, continuing to sob into his hands.

“Minghao, please—Minghao?!” Jun’s eyes widen with worry when Minghao abruptly pulls away, nausea apparent on his features as he steps back into the wall of the building. The black haired beauty turns around into the alley and doubles over as he vomits. 

Jun takes a step forward to pat Minghao’s back as a means to comfort him, only for his mouth to drop open in horror at the sight that lays before him. 

Pink peony petals are scattered across the pavement, blood splattered onto them as they begin to fly down the alley with the wind. 

Minghao breathes heavily at all the flower petals surrounding him, cheeks wet from the tears that fell from his eyes. His knees buckle and he falls onto the pavement, hands resting on top of the pile of pink flowers that escaped his system.

Jun sucks in a shaky breath, “Hao—”

“Don’t.” Minghao breathes, and Jun closes his mouth. 

Minghao slowly lifts up the blood splattered peony petals in his hands, feeling his bottom lip tremble from the memory of that beautiful day. Silence falls over the two of them as they stare at the cursed flowers that have brought so much heartbreak.

As a single tear falls from Minghao’s eye, he’s left wondering when his fate became so twisted.

one year later

You walk down the sidewalk, breathing in the warm, summer air as you do so. Shoving your hands into your pockets, you gaze around at your surroundings as you head to the event, only to stop when you lay eyes on the flower shop.

It’s been a year since you’ve gotten the surgery, and life’s been going well for you. You went to the interview at W Magazine and were hired a couple weeks later. You’re still far from your goal, but you’ve taken a step, and that’s more than enough. 

You and Minghao never spoke after he left your hospital room.

You’ve kept in contact with Jun, Soonyoung and Chan, as they were also your best friends. However, you know in your heart that it’s not the same. A bit of distance has grown between the four of you, but the love is still there.

Love. 

You think love is a crooked concept.

You let out a breath as you stare at the pink peony flowers, the memories flooding back into the forefront of your mind. You reach out and take a single peony, twisting the flower in your fingers as Minghao’s words play in your head.

“A pretty flower for my flower.” 

“Minghao!” The newly dyed blonde turns his head in the direction where he heard his name be called, only to let out a laugh when Jun, Soonyoung and Chan engulf him in a group hug. 

The sounds of the cheers from behind the curtain are still loud as the showcase has just ended, and it fills Minghao with the feeling of accomplishment as he excitedly converses with his friends.

It’s been a year since Minghao found out that you had hanahaki, and it’s been less than a year since Minghao got the surgery to remove the roots of the flower from his own lungs. 

You never learned that Minghao loved you.

“Let’s go and thank those who came so that we can go out for celebratory bbq.” Jun says with a happy smile, watching as Soonyoung and Chan nod their heads in agreement. The two begin to discuss the amount of food they’re going to order as they walk off the stage, but Jun stays back, staring at Minghao who seems to be deep in thought.

“Hao.” The blonde looks up towards Jun and he lets out a friendly grin. “Sorry, I was thinking of something.” 

“Thinking of what?” Jun asks, and Minghao simply shrugs his shoulders. 

“Nothing important anymore.” 

Minghao chuckles at Soonyoung and Chan beginning to bicker as they head towards Jun’s car, only for the blonde to pause when he reaches into his pocket to find nothing. Jun raises an eyebrow at Minghao’s concerned expression, “Did you forget something?” 

The blonde lets out an apologetic smile as he nods his head, already turning to head back into the auditorium, “I just forgot my airpods, I’ll be right back!” 

“Hurry or else we’ll leave you!” Chan calls out after him, and Minghao sends him a disappointed thumbs down as he begins to run back inside.  

Pushing open the doors, he smiles and bows towards the rest of the staff that are still in the building. He heads towards the dressing room and opens the door, letting out a breath of relief when he sees his airpods case sitting on the table. 

“Good thing no one took them.” Minghao mutters to himself as he walks over and grabs them. His eyes look up towards the mirror, only to pause when he sees what rests on the couch behind him. Slowly, he turns around and lays eyes on the bouquet of flowers. 

The familiar pink peonies are wrapped beautifully in brown paper, and there’s a single white peony in the middle of the arrangement, a stark contrast to the soft pink of the other peonies surrounding it.

Minghao bites his bottom lip and walks over towards the bouquet, seeing the envelope resting over the flowers. He reaches out and picks up the envelope, opening it up and taking out the card, only for a shaky breath to leave him when he reads the message.

you did well.

- ❀

You look up towards the sky as you walk to the bus stop, watching as the clouds move across the horizon. You wonder what it would be like to be able to touch the clouds, to grasp them in your hands.

The vibration of your phone cuts you off from your thoughts, and you pull it out of your pocket. Your heart stutters when you lay eyes on the notification, and you immediately unlock your phone, opening up the message.

minghao: thank you, my flower.

You let out a quiet laugh at the nickname, feeling something akin to warmth flood your system as you pocket your phone.

The feeling is foreign to you now, having been unfamiliar for over a year. It may not be the same, but it’s the closest you feel you’re ever going to get.

Tears suddenly fall past your eyes as you look up towards the pink clouds, and you wipe them away with the back of your hand. A sigh leaves your lips as you lower your head, now looking down at the sidewalk as your vision blurs from the tears flooding your eyes.

As you begin to walk towards the bus stop again, you’re left wondering why you’re even crying in the first place.

In China, peony is a traditional flower symbol and is called 牡丹 (mǔdān) which means “the most beautiful.” 

[dreaminlittlenightmares]

I think I have one!

What's everyone's reaction to someone walking in on them humming/singing

Like when they're REALLY getting into it

Alrighty~

The Maw

Six: Really likes "Savage" by Megan thee Stallion, but doesn't understand the lyrics. So, she kinda stops singing and goes, "what?" because of all the horrified looks she gets the Janitor: Usually hums a lot of songs when he works, and lately “Whistle While Your Work” from Snow White has been in his head. He can't see you, but he can hear someone coming in, and that's when he hums quieter to himself the Twin Chefs: Both don't usually sing or hum, but when they do, it's two different songs. Since they have that sibling rivalry, they tend to sing as loud as they can over the other, even when someone walks in on them the Lady: Is good at humming and singing, but likes to lip sync songs. One time, she lip synced "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga in front of a mirror shard and the Mirror Man watched her. By the time she noticed him laughing, she darkened the room with magic and ran away the Granny: Bad at singing and doesn't care. She'll purposely sing "Love on Top” by Beyonce off key and loudly until someone flushes more trash down to the Depths to shut her up the Runaway Kid: Too shy to sing or hum, so he does both to himself. Tried singing “Soon You’ll Come Home” from All Dogs Go to Heaven because he liked it. It attracted the Nomes and they all cheered for him, but Runaway turned bright red and stormed off in embarrassment

Pale City

Mono: Likes to sing, but isn't good at it. Tried to sing and dance to "Renai Circulation” by Kana Hanazawa, and the Thin Man walked in to give him lunch. Mono stopped, and the two just stared at each other awkwardly until the Thin Man left. the Hunter: Hums softly, but is good at it. Likes to hums "The Wellerman” Sea Shanty when he's out, which tends to attract attention. He ignores everyone, but that death glare is enough to scare spectators away the Teacher: Also enjoys humming, and usually hums whatever piano piece she's composing in her head. Most people tell her it's a good song, and she politely thanks them before shuffling away in embarrassment the Doctor: Either sings or hums when cleaning up, but usually gets the lyrics wrong. Most people, like the Teacher, will tell him that's not how the song goes, and he gets really sad about it. the Thin Man: Shyest man in the world, but a good singer. Likes singing "All in a Night’s Work” by Dean Martin often, but immediately stops whenever he so much as senses someone watching him

The Nest

the Raincoat Girl: Likes singing, but isn't confident showing off to others. Once sang “Meet Me at Our Spot” by Willow Smith, THE ANXIETY, and Tyler Cole while she was helping around the Nest and the Pretender told her it was good! Raincoat squeaked and said it wasn't, then pulled her hood over her head the Craftsman: Doesn't sing or hum, but likes to bang his hands against his desk to keep a beat. He's good at it, but the Butler came in to tell him to stop. Craftsman stared at him in the eyes and slammed his hands harder out of spite the Butler: Can sing beautiful, but rarely does to anyone besides the Pretender when she demands it. Likes to oldies when he's baking and Raincoat Girl heard it. Butler stopped and threw every unused kitchen appliance at her to get her out the Pretender: Is very good at singing, unsurprisingly, but is only allowed to sing certain Butler-approved songs. Started singing “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat because she wanted to and the Butler tried to get her to stop, but she screamed and the rest is history

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Everyday, for the rest of forever - Fred Weasley

Title: Everyday, for the rest of forever Pairing: Fred x fem!reader, Fred x Angelina Johnson Summary: Reader watches as the person she loves falls in love with someone else A/N: This is a song fic based on the song Heather by Conan Gray and I highly recommend listening to it while you read!! I got carried away with the ending but I’m not even sorry.

Tags: @bohemianspacebabe​ @litteralywedonttalkaboutitk​

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still remember third of December Me in your sweater, you said it looked better On me, than it did you, only if you knew How much I liked you

“How’re you feeling?” Hermione asks quietly as she takes a seat on the edge of Y/N’s bed. She had kept the dorm up half the night with her coughing, so Hermione is pretty sure she knows the answer.

“Like shit,” Y/N answers as she rolls over in bed to look at her friend. Her throat feels raw and her voice is gravelly. Despite the fact that Y/N can feel the heat radiating off her cheeks and she’s laying under a pile of blankets she shivers as a cold chill runs down her spine.

Hermione frowns, and reaches out to touch Y/N’s forehead. “You’ve still got a fever. You sure you don’t want to go to Madam Pomfrey? She can whip up a Pepperup Potion and have you feeling better in a few minutes.”

Y/N nods, waving away the worried look Hermione gives her. “You know that always makes me feel even worse. It’s just a little cold, I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“If you’re sure.” Hermione stands up, pausing as she reaches for her coat. “Do you want me to stay with you? I don’t mind, there will be other Hogsmeade trips.”

Y/N shakes her head with a laugh, gesturing towards the door of their dorm room. They both can hear Ron and Harry causing some kind of commotion with Seamus and Dean down in the common room despite the fact that the thick wooden door is closed. “I’ll be fine. Those two idiots need you more than me. Someone needs to keep them in check.”

Hermione laughs too, finally pulling on her coat. “You’re not wrong about that. I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

“As long as you’ve got a chocolate frog for me, I’ll be there.”

Y/N lays in her bed, tossing and turning, desperately trying to fall asleep. Every time she feels herself start to drift off she either gets hit with a coughing fit or a cold chill. Muttering to herself she forces herself out of bed and trudges towards the common room with her favorite blanket, hoping the raging fire will do a better job of keeping her warm.

The common room is empty when she arrives, and she suspects it will be for the next few hours as most of her housemates are down at Hogsmeade. Y/N settles down on her favorite couch, tucking her knees to her chest and wrapping her blanket around her. She sits there in silence watching the flames when someone comes up behind her.

“No Hogsmeade for you either, eh? You set a stink bomb off in Snape’s office too?” Fred asks with a laugh as he jumps over the back of the couch and settles down next to Y/N.

Y/N’s breath catches in her throat and she hopes that her fever masks the blush that creeps up on her cheeks. She sneaks a quick glance at Fred, taking in his tousled hair and comfy sweater, before turning her attention back to the fire. Fred has been the object of her daydreams for as long as she can remember, his fiery hair and mischievous eyes never failing to cause her stomach to erupt in a flutter of butterflies.

She knows it’s wrong, to fancy the older brother of one of her best mates, but she can’t help it. Whenever she tries to push Fred from her mind he always seems to come back, her feelings for him only more intense. Fred is absolutely captivating, and she can’t help but fall a little more in love with him each time they have some kind of interaction.

“Not quite, I’m afraid,” she says with a giggle, unable to contain how giddy he makes her feel. “I’ve not been feeling well the past few days.”

Y/N watches as Fred takes in her appearance, and she curses herself for not at least trying to look cute. She knows her hair is tied up in a messy pile on top of her head, her cheeks are flushed from the fever and her eyes are glistening with tears from all of the coughing. Another shiver runs down Y/N’s spine, partially from her illness, but mostly from the butterflies Fred’s intense gaze gives her.

“Cold?” Fred asks softly, his hands reaching for the hem of his sweater as Y/N nods. He’s wearing one of his infamous Weasley sweaters, a bright orange F on the chest. Y/N has always wondered what it would feel like to wear Fred’s sweater, how intoxicating it would smell, so she can’t believe her eyes as Fred pulls it over his head and reaches out to give it to her.

Y/N can’t even think straight, let alone reach out and grab the garment from him. Her eyes are trained on the thin gray t-shirt he’s wearing, the outline of his muscles clearly visible now. She’s wondering what it would feel like to grip his built shoulders, what being wrapped in his strong arms might feel like when Fred scooches towards her.

“Here love, arms up,” Fred whispers, unwrapping the blanket draped around Y/N’s shoulders. He’s so close that she can feel his breath on her cheeks and her skin is tingling from his touch.

It would be so easy, Y/N thinks to herself as she lifts her arms up for him. It would be so easy to just lean up a little and kiss him. Her face gets even hotter at the thought of kissing Fred and she has to look away to keep herself from doing it. Y/N can feel Fred slip the sweater over her arms and down over her body. She tucks her arms back into herself, basking in the warmth that the plush knit gives her.

Fred tucks Y/N’s blanket back around her shoulders before he moves away slightly. Their arms are still touching, and Y/N takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. But all that does is make her giddier, as all she can smell is Fred.

“So, a stink bomb, eh?” Y/N asks with a small laugh once she’s calmed herself down a few minutes later.

Fred gives Y/N a wicked grin before he excitedly launches into the story. Y/N is laughing in minutes, her sickness not even on her mind anymore. Fred is the only thing she can think about, he’s the center of her universe and everything else around her is just background noise. She’s so entranced by his story and the way his eyes glint with mischief that she doesn’t notice they aren’t alone anymore until George is leaning over the back of the sofa and sticking his head in between them.

“Sorry to interrupt, Y/N but I need to steal my dear brother from you. We’ve got some business with Mr. Filch to deal with,” George says with a wink, clearly indicating that he and his brother are up to no good as per usual.

Fred’s mischievous grin reappears. “It’s all set up then, excellent.” He stands up, and Y/N immediately misses the feeling of his body next to hers. “It was lovely chatting with you, Y/N but I must be off now. I hope you feel better.”

Y/N watches as Fred follows his twin towards the portrait hole, only remembering that she’s still wearing his sweater as they go to leave. “Fred, wait!” When Fred turns back to look at her a blush forms across her cheeks. “You forgot your sweater.” Y/N goes to take it off, but Fred puts his hand up to stop her.

“Nah, keep it. I reckon it looks better on you anyway.” Fred shoots her a wink before he’s disappearing through the portrait hole after George.

Y/N falls back against the couch, her eyelids heavy. She’s asleep within seconds, a smile on her face and thoughts of Fred running through her mind.

but I watch your eyes As she walks by She's got you mesmerized

“You seem to be feeling much better,” Hermione says in lieu of a greeting when Y/N takes a seat next to her at the Gryffindor table for dinner.

Y/N nods, a dreamy smile on her face. How could she not be feeling better after the afternoon she had spent with Fred? After her short nap in the common room, still wrapped up in Fred’s sweater she had decided to pull herself together. She had changed out of her pajamas and tucked Fred’s sweater under her pillow, wanting to keep it to herself for just a bit longer. She managed to make her hair presentable just in time to meet Hermione, Ron and Harry at dinner.

“Did you finally go and see Madam Pomfrey?” Harry asks as they all start to pile food on their plates.

“No, just managed to finally get some good sleep,” Y/N responds, trying to be nonchalant. She allows herself to sneak a glance at Fred, who’s sitting a bit further down the table with George and Lee. They’re all laughing at something Fred has said, and Y/N can’t help but let a tiny smile form on her lips.

“That’s excellent. We’ll be able to work on our charms essay tonight then,” Hermione says, smiling to herself.

Ron shoves a fork full of food in his mouth as he rolls his eyes at Hermione. “Only you would be excited about doing homework on a Saturday.” At least that’s what Y/N thinks he says, his words are muffled from all the food he’s trying to talk around.

Harry laughs at Ron’s antics as Hermione scolds him for speaking with his mouth full, giving Y/N a chance to sneak another look at Fred. Her heart stops beating in her chest when it seems that he’s already gazing at her. But then she notices that he’s not looking at her, just in her direction. She gazes over her shoulder and a frown immediately forms on her face as she notices that Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet have just entered the Great Hall and are heading towards the other end of the table.

Y/N turns her attention back to Fred, watching as he follows Angelina’s every move. His focus is on Angelina completely, despite the fact that both George and Lee are trying to get his attention. Fred smiles at Angelina as she walks by, and her heart breaks when a pink blush forms on his cheeks after she waves at him.

Fred watches her until her and Alicia sit down, his attention finally back on his friends. Y/N tears her eyes away as Fred smiles dopily at George and Lee, not even seeming to care that they’re teasing him.

“You alright, Y/N?” Hermione asks, noticing her unusual silence.

Y/N tries to blink away her tears, praying none of her friends notice. “I’m starting to feel a bit ill again. I think I’ll go and see Madam Pomfrey after all.”

Without another word Y/N gets up and leaves the Great Hall, making a beeline for the Hospital Wing as the tears stream down her face.

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty

Despite the fact that Madam Pomfrey had in fact been able to cure Y/N’s illness with a Pepperup Potion in under 30 seconds, she had allowed her to spend the night in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey had claimed it was for observation purposes only, but the wink she sent to Y/N as she bid her goodnight made Y/N sure that the older woman knew she needed some time by herself.

After a night of fitful sleep, her dreams full of images of Fred and Angelina together, Y/N sneaks back up to the common room. Thankfully, it’s early enough that the common room is completely empty as she heads up to her dorm room. She pushes the door to her dorm open quietly, not trying to wake the others.

“Are you alright? We were worried when you never made it back to the common room.” Hermione asks when Y/N is barely through the door. Hermione has always been an early riser, Y/N should have figured she’d already be awake.

Y/N puts her finger over her lips and motions towards the other side of the room, not wanting Hermione to wake up their dorm mates. She barely wants to tell Hermione, her best friend, about her heart break, let alone Lavender and Parvati. The whole school will know by lunch if they find out.

She motions for Hermione to follow her and leads them both into the bathroom attached to their room. Y/N waits until the door is shut completely before she turns to Hermione. “There, no need to get the whole school involved in my business.”

“What in the world is going on with you? And why was Fred Weasley’s sweater under your pillow?” A blush spreads across Y/N’s cheeks before she’s hit with a pang of fear. Her eyes must widen, because Hermione continues a moment later. “Don’t worry I shoved it under your bed before Lavender and Parvati came in.”

Y/N puts her head in her hands. “Thank god.” She takes a deep breath before she looks up at Hermione, the other girl’s gaze is intense, and it makes Y/N feel even worse. “Well to answer your first question yes, I am fine. I wanted to be alone last night so Madam Pomfrey let me stay the night in the Hospital Wing.”

“Well that’s good I suppose. But why did you want to be alone? And that still doesn’t answer the whole Fred thing.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. She loves Hermione, she really does, but she tends to push her buttons sometimes. “Yesterday after everyone went to Hogsmeade I couldn’t sleep so I went down to the common room. Fred sat with me, saw that I was cold, and he let me wear his sweater.” Y/N can feel her cheeks heating up and she looks down to avoid Hermione’s gaze.  

Hermione squeals, jumping up and down excitedly. Y/N had trusted Hermione with her secret crush on Fred over the summer, since they would be staying at The Burrow with the Weasley’s before the Quidditch World Cup, and Hermione would have no doubt figured it out on her own. When Y/N doesn’t share Hermione’s excitement she stops jumping and gives Y/N a worried look.

“Something happened, then? During dinner I presume. That’s why you wanted to be alone?”

Y/N nods, trying to blink away the tears that had suddenly formed in her eyes. It’s no wonder Fred doesn’t like me, with all this crying, she thinks to herself. I’m just his little brother’s stupid friend, nothing more. She lets a few tears fall before looking up to Hermione.

“I looked over at him while we were eating, and he was watching Angelina Johnson’s every move. He even blushed when she waved at him, he was bloody entranced by her.” Y/N pauses, and when Hermione doesn’t say anything she keeps rambling, needing to fill the silence. “And why wouldn’t he be? She’s easily the prettiest girl in their year, maybe even in the whole school. And she’s an amazing quidditch player. She’s strong willed and she doesn’t take shit from anyone.”

Y/N trails off and shuffles over to the nearest sink. She puts a hand on either side of the basin and leans forward, studying herself in the mirror. “And me? I’m just Ron’s friend. Ron’s plain old friend. I’m not even half as pretty as Angelina. It was stupid of me to think I ever had a chance with Fred.”

Y/N doesn’t hear Hermione move, so it comes as a surprise when she feels arms wrap around her middle as Hermione pulls her into a hug. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself,” Hermione scolds lightly. “You are smart, and beautiful and funny and kind. Any guy in this school would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend. So. So, to hell with Fred Weasley if he doesn’t like you back. He doesn’t deserve someone like you.”

Y/N manages to smile at Hermione’s words, her spirit picking up a little bit. “I’m never gonna be able to look at him again ‘mione. He was being so nice to me. I thought something was gonna happen between us. I was gonna kiss him! Can you imagine if I had? I’d be dead from embarrassment.” Why would he want to kiss me when he can kiss Angelina instead?

“Well yes, that would have been pretty embarrassing. But you didn’t do it, so that’s one good thing to focus on.” Hermione pulls away from Y/N and heads towards the door. “Now hurry up and get ready, I’m starving.”

Watch as she stands with her holding your hand Put your arm 'round her shoulder,

All anyone had been talking about for weeks was the Yule Ball. Anywhere Y/N went she could hear people talking about it, whether it was a group of girls talking excitedly about their dresses, or people talking about who they hoped to go with, she couldn’t escape it.

She was probably the only person in the school not looking forward to it. Not after she had watched Fred ask Angelina to go with him in front of the whole common room. His smile had lit up the entire room when she said yes. Y/N had stalked off to bed afterwards, tears filling her eyes as she wished it had been her. It had only been two weeks since Fred broke her heart and no matter how hard she tried to forget him she found herself falling more in love with him.

Y/N didn’t even plan on going, not wanting to sit there alone while the boy she couldn’t help but love danced with someone else. But Harry was a Triwizard Champion and he was just as lousy with romantic endeavors as she was, so Y/N had agreed to be his date. At least if she was going to sit there doing nothing she’d have Harry to keep her company.

“Blimey, Y/N. You look fit,” Ron says in surprise as Y/N joins him and Harry in front of the Great Hall.

She punches him in the arm as a blush forms on her cheeks. Her dress is a soft purple color and hangs off her shoulders, exposing her delicate collarbones. The bodice hugs her torso and flares out into a flowing skirt. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear as she waits for someone to say something to break the awkward tension.

“He’s right, Y/N. You look beautiful,” Harry adds a moment later.

Thankfully Professor McGonagall starts ushering students into the Great Hall so the Champions can enter and officially start the Ball. Ron has just left with Parvati Patel when Hermione comes down the stairs behind them, giving them a small wave before taking Viktor Krum’s arm.

“Guess we should join them,” Y/N mumbles, taking the arm that Harry offers her.

As they enter the Great Hall behind the rest of the champions Y/N can’t help but search the crowd, trying to find Fred. She finds him quite easily, thanks to his ginger hair and the fact that he and Angelina are standing quite close to the door. She only lets her eyes linger on them for a moment, but it’s long enough for her to notice that their hands are intertwined.

She bites her lip, willing the lump that has formed in her throat to go away. When they reach the dance floor and the music begins Y/N grasps Harry’s shoulders tightly as they start to dance, hoping that he twirls her hard enough to force the thoughts of Fred out of her head.

-

“So, you just dazzle the entire school with your wonderful dance moves and then hover by the refreshments for the rest of the night?” George asks Y/N with a grin.

After she and Harry had finished their uncoordinated dance they removed themselves from the dance floor. Y/N had sat at a table with Ron and Harry for a bit, but their miserable attitudes got to be too much for her, so she decided to grab a drink. Her sudden need for a refreshment had nothing to do with the fact that she had a perfect view of Fred and Angelina dancing.

“Dazzle? I don’t know if that’s the particular word to describe whatever Harry and I ended up doing on that dancefloor,” Y/N says with a laugh.

George shrugs his shoulders and grabs a drink as he comes to stand next to Y/N. “It’s more coordinated than whatever the hell is going on over there.” George gestures towards a group of Durmstrang boys, who are doing some combination of jumping and arm thrashing that looks more like someone drowning in a lake than dancing.

Y/N laughs again, shoving George’s shoulder lightly. “Potter may be a champion or whatever but he’s a lousy date. This is the most fun I’ve had all night.” She pauses, looking up at George. “What about you? Where’s your date?”

George shrugs nonchalantly, taking a long sip of his drink. “Decided to be bold, come by myself.” When Y/N gives him a questioning look he continues. “The girl I wanted to go with got asked by someone else and I really couldn’t be bothered to find another date.”

Y/N hums in understanding, giving George a nod. “Yeah, that’s how I ended up with my winner of a date.”

George says something else to her, but all her focus is on Fred and Angelina. They’ve finally stopped dancing and are heading right towards where Y/N and George are standing. The grip she has on her cup tightens as Fred puts his arm around Angelina’s shoulders, pulling her close to his side. I would give anything to be Angelina, Y/N thinks to herself as Angelina’s arms wind around Fred’s middle. They pass by George and Y/N without even sparing them a glance and leave the Great Hall.

She hears George mutter something about how they’re probably going to go make out somewhere, but the sound of her heart breaking even further is too loud in her ears for her to be sure. She hears herself bid goodnight to George before she’s turning on her heal and making a mad dash back to her dorm.

Y/N manages to keep her tears inside until she’s curled up in bed, her arms hugging Fred’s sweater tightly to her chest.

But how could I hate her? She's such an angel But then again, kinda wish she were dead

In the days following the Yule Ball Y/N does her best to keep to herself. She heads to meals early, so she’s already eaten by the time the rest of the school heads to the Great Hall. Since it’s still the Christmas holidays the Gryffindor common room is always packed full of students, so she spends most of her time in the library and doesn’t head back until late at night when most of her house is already asleep.

She knows her friends are worried about her and she misses spending time with them, but she can’t bring herself to. Wherever Ron, Harry and Hermione are it’s likely that Fred and George will be lurking around somewhere, and she’s not ready to face Fred yet. She feels like such an idiot, she had let her daydreams get the better of her. After that day in the common room she thought that something would happen between her and Fred, but as she falls asleep every night she can’t help but think that it was all in her head.

So, Y/N sits in the library everyday with only Madam Pince to keep her company, her schoolbooks spread out in front of her but not much work being done. She always means to get work done, but she can’t help but let her mind wander to Fred. As much as it hurts her to, she can’t stop thinking about him. It doesn’t help that she still has his sweater tucked under her pillow. It still smells like him, and as she drifts to sleep at night she likes to pretend he’s right there next to her.

“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going?”

Y/N can feel the blood run out of her face as she looks up at the person who pulled her from her thoughts of Fred and is met with Angelina Johnson. Her grip on her quill tightens as a blush spreads across her cheeks. Y/N smiles at Angelina, trying to seem normal.

“It’s going alright. Just working on a potions essay Snape set for the break,” she answers casually. She watches Angelina’s eyes flick towards the parchment in front of her, which is completely empty. “Or trying to at least,” Y/N adds quickly, trying to think of a reason as to why her sheet is blank. “Potions isn’t really my best class.”

While it’s not a lie, Y/N still feels bad. She had already planned out her entire essay, she was just too busy thinking about Fred and Angelina breaking up to actually write it all down. But what was she supposed to say? I was too busy thinking about you dying so I could have your boyfriend to do my homework.

“Snape is such a prick. He gave us an essay as well. I could help you, if you want. Potions isn’t my best class either, but I bet with both of our intelligence combined we could knock it out in no time,” she offers with a warm smile.

Y/N feels like she is going to throw up. Angelina is being so nice to her, and Y/N doesn’t deserve it. She’s spent the past few weeks hating Angelina’s guts, wishing that Fred would break her heart just as he had broken hers. But, it’s not Angelina’s fault that Fred had hurt her. It’s not like Angelina stole her boyfriend or something, she has no idea that Y/N likes Fred. Not even Fred knows.

Y/N nods, moving some of her stuff so Angelina can sit down. “That would be great, thanks.”

As they work together quietly, Y/N feels worse and worse about her thoughts over these past few weeks. Angelina isn’t the evil witch she’d made her out to be in her head. She’s actually an angel and she feels intense regret for kind of wishing she was dead. She’s in the middle of copying something down when Angelina nudges her.

“What did you think of the ball? It looked like you were having fun with George.” Angelina’s tone seems casual, but Y/N can tell she isn’t just asking her a random question.

Y/N shrugs her shoulders, deciding to play into whatever game Angelina was baiting her into. “It was alright. And yeah, I guess I had fun with George, we only talked for a few minutes before I decided to leave.”

Angelina doesn’t do a great job at hiding her surprise. “Oh, really? I heard from um, someone, that you guys spent most of the night together.”

Y/N gives Angelina a look. “Really? That’s odd. I danced with Harry once and then sat with him and Ron for a bit. I went and got a drink, talked to George for a bit and then went back up to my room.”

“Oh. So, you don’t like George? Like more than a friend?” Angelina asks, again, failing at sounding casual.

Y/N shakes her head. “God no. I mean he’s a great bloke but there’s someone else that I like. More than a friend.” Y/N mentally slaps herself, wondering why in the world she felt the need to tell Angelina that.

Luckily the older girl doesn’t question her further, she just murmurs out a quiet, “Interesting,” before she turns her attention back to Y/N’s potions essay.

You gave her your sweater It's just polyester But you like her better

After Angelina’s odd behavior in the library, Y/N had decided it was time to start hanging out with her friends again. Not only was she hoping to avoid another weird conversation, she truly had missed them. And her timing seemed perfect, as the second task was quickly approaching, and Harry needed all the help he could get.

Helping Harry is a nice distraction, but she can’t help but let her eyes wander in Fred’s direction every once in a while. She still feels so strongly for him, and Y/N doubts that is going to change anytime soon. Especially since it seems Fred and George are always hovering by them. As Y/N and the rest pour over books in the common room they’re always only a few seats away, and Y/N is sure she catches a glimpse of their red hair in the library a few times as her and Harry study the titles to find more books to bring to Ron and Hermione.

Y/N is so exhausted from helping Harry, that she doesn’t notice that neither Ron or Hermione are with them on the day of the second task until her and Harry are heading towards the black lake. Part of her is worried for her friends, the other is filled with panic. She had planned on sitting with Ron and Hermione as far away from Fred, George and Angelina as possible.

When they finally reach the platform in the middle of the lake, Y/N wishes Harry good luck and starts to search the crowd, hoping to find a group of familiar faces to join. Before she even has the chance to try and join Neville, Dean and Seamus she feels someone grab her arm.

“Come sit with us,” George says, already guiding her up the stairs. Y/N doesn’t need a crystal ball to know that the ‘us’ he is referring to is Fred, Lee and Angelina. She follows behind him all the way up to the top platform, trying to think of how to sneak away. But of course, Fred and George had managed to get the best spots on the platform, so there’s no hope that she’ll be able to shrink away, not with all the people around.

“Look who I found!” George shouts as they reach the others, everyone turning to look at them. Y/N blushes as Fred smiles at her, her eyes dropping to the ground. She can feel Lee pat her on the shoulder, and she decides to stand in between him and George. Except when she finally takes her eyes off the ground and looks up, George is nowhere to be found, instead Fred is looking down at her.

Her cheeks heat up and she immediately looks out at the lake so that she doesn’t get lost in his eyes. Y/N had been trying to get over Fred, the last thing she needs is to fall even more in love with him. At least you’ll have the task to focus on she thinks wistfully, letting herself glance at Fred, butterflies erupting in her stomach when she notices that he’s still looking at her.

“So, who do you think is gonna win? It’s gotta be Harry, right? I mean you’ve been spending so much time with him, he’s gotta be the best prepared,” Fred says with a grin. But as Y/N allows herself to look at him closely she can tell that he’s tense.

Before she can stutter out a reply Dumbledore is announcing the rules of the task and Filch is setting off the cannon, officially starting the task. Everyone starts to cheer as the champions dive into the water, but after they’ve all disappeared under the water they start to die down. The water is pitch black, and they all seem to disappear into the lake’s depths within a few seconds.

“I guess we’re just supposed to stand here and wait? I guess?” Angelina says from Fred’s other side. Y/N frowns at her proximity to Fred and focuses her attention back on the lake.

“You alright?” Fred asks, leaning down to whisper in Y/N’s ear.

Goosebumps pop up on her skin where his breath touches and her face turns crimson red. She just nods, not entirely trusting her voice. She can feel Fred’s eyes on her, and it takes everything in her power not to return his gaze. Y/N knows that if she were to look at him now she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from lunging forward and kissing him in front of the entire school, his girlfriend included.

Luckily Lee says something that grabs Fred’s attention and she can take a deep breath.

By the time Cedric reappears from the water with Cho Chang by his side, Y/N is absolutely freezing. They’re 45 minutes into the task, and so far only Fleur and Cedric have come back. While their spot has the best view, it’s so high in the air that the wind is bitter, and Y/N is shivering despite the fact that she’s wearing her heaviest jacket.

Luckily Krum reappears with Hermione next to him only a few minutes later, and the energy in the crowd ramps up. Everyone is cheering loudly again, and Y/N is too busy watching for Harry to notice how close Fred is to her.

Harry manages to appear from the water a few minutes after the time has run out, both Ron and a little blonde girl, who Y/N guesses is Fleur’s sister, by his side. The cheers only increase in volume as Dumbledore announces that Harry will get second place on account of his bravery.

Y/N feels as if she is on cloud nine. Not only had she just spent the last hour standing so close to Fred that their arms brushed against each other, but Harry had managed to do excellent in the task. Unfortunately, all that euphoria disappears as they start to head back down to the boats.

“Boy am I glad that’s over. It’s absolutely freezing out here. Good thing I had your sweater to keep me warm, Freddie,” Angelina says, her voice dripping with sweetness.

Y/N can feel her knees quiver as she glances at Angelina and the big fat letter F in the middle of the jumper she’s wearing. Tears start to form in the corners of her eyes, and she starts shoving through the crowd, trying to get as far away from Fred as possible.

The one thing she had held on to through all of this was Fred’s sweater. Y/N slept with it in her arms every night, it made her feel special. Fred may have chosen Angelina, but he had given her his sweater. It was her only glimmer of hope that someday something may happen between her and the boy who held her heart. But now, it meant nothing.

Y/N can hear Fred calling her name as she runs away, but she continues to push forward through the crowd. She’s making her way down the second set of stairs when she feels a hand wrap around her wrist.

“Y/N wait. Look at me,” Fred begs, tugging her close to him. Y/N turns around to look at Fred, who is standing on the stair above her, a desperate look on his face. Tears have started to stream down her face, and she bats away Fred’s hand when he tries to wipe them away. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, please.” His grip on her wrist tightens.

“You gave her your sweater,” she practically shouts at him, her voice full of misery. Y/N is sure that everyone around them is staring, but she can’t seem to care. She’s been in pain for weeks and it’s all coming out now.

Fred’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “It’s just a sweater.”

Y/N sniffles, as more tears start to stream down her face. Just a sweater.

“So that’s all it was when you gave me your sweater? That day in the common room? Just a sweater,” she mocks. Fred opens his mouth to respond, but Y/N cuts him off. “You said it looked better on me. I thought you were flirting with me. I thought you liked me.”

Y/N feels like she’s going to pass out, Fred is standing there in front of her not saying anything. She starts to wipe the tears away as Angelina, George and Lee start to come down the stairs behind them.

“It clearly doesn’t matter what I think. Or what I want. You like her better,” she whimpers, gesturing towards Angelina. Before Fred even has a chance to react she’s running away again, down the stairs and back towards the boats. She takes a seat next to Neville in one of the boats and tucks her knees into her chest, trying to ignore everyone’s stares as Fred calls out her name.

Wish I were Heather

“I figured I would find you here,” Fred says softly from behind her.

Y/N bites her lip, quickly trying to wipe away her tears. After the absolute fiasco that had gone down between her and Fred all she wanted was to be alone. So instead of heading to the common room she wandered up to the astronomy tower. She’s not sure how long she’s been out here, but her hands are nearly numb from the cold and the sun has started to set.

When she doesn’t say anything, Fred comes up behind her and drapes a blanket over her shoulders before standing next to her. He leans his back up against the railing so he can look down at her face.

“Talk to me, please,” he begs.

His voice sends shivers down Y/N’s spine and it’s taking all of her willpower not to inch closer to him. She doesn’t say anything but allows herself to look up at him. Her cheeks heat up when she realizes that he’s already staring at her and she stops herself from looking away. He looks worried and hurt, and as much as Y/N thinks he deserves it for hurting her, she can’t help but feel guilty.

Fred reaches a hand up to cup her cheek and she melts into his touch. Her stomach is in knots and she feels lightheaded. As much as she hates to admit it, Fred Weasley still owns her whole heart. Even if his belongs to another girl.

When Y/N doesn’t pull away he starts to slowly stroke her cheek. “What are you thinking about?”

“Honestly?” she responds, wincing when her voice cracks. When Fred nods she continues. “I’m thinking about how much I wish I was Angelina.” When Fred doesn’t say anything, she continues. “I’m thinking about how much I wish you would look at me like you do her. I’m thinking about how much I wish you would have asked me to the Yule Ball. I’m thinking about how it would have felt as you twirled me in your arms. I’m thinking how it would have felt to kiss you. I’m thinking about how it would feel to be loved by you.”

Y/N hadn’t noticed that she was crying again until Fred’s thumb quickly wiped away her tears. She’s in disbelief that she just said all of those things to Fred. Her chest feels lighter now that she isn’t harboring such a huge secret, but a pit of despair has started to form in her stomach.

“Why are you thinking all of those things,” Fred asks, looking deep into Y/N’s eyes.

Y/N sighs in exasperation. She takes a deep breath, trying to find the courage to admit the things she’s felt for as long as she can remember. “I’m thinking all of those things because I’m in love with you, Fred Weasley. Even if you aren’t in love with me.”

Fred doesn’t respond. Instead he closes the gap between them and presses their lips together in a heated kiss. Y/N is frozen in place as her eyes flutter shut. Fred Weasley is kissing me. Oh my god Fred Weasley is kissing me, is the only thought running through her head. And as much as she wants to kiss him back, she can’t.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” Y/N whispers, pulling away from Fred’s mouth, her eyes still shut. She desperately wants to look at him, but she can’t. “You have a girlfriend, Fred. And no matter what I feel for you, Angelina is a nice girl and I can’t do that to her. And you shouldn’t do that to her either.”

Fred chuckles as the hand he isn’t using to cup Y/N’s cheek comes up to grip her waist. She finally looks at him, confusion all over her face.

“Angelina Johnson isn’t my girlfriend,” he says casually, as if that is a sufficient enough explanation for everything that’s happened over the past few months. He leans forward to connect their lips again, but Y/N pushes his chest back slightly.

“I’m going to need more than that, Fred. Because I’ve spent the last three months dying inside as I watched you fall in love with her. So, you can’t just come up here and kiss me like none of that ever happened,” she explains, her words tinted with anger. Despite the anger that’s bubbling in her stomach, she can’t help but lean into his embrace.

“You looked so beautiful, that day in the common room,” he starts, a pink blush appearing on his cheeks. “You were sitting there, all alone wrapped up in your blanket. The fire was reflecting off of your face, it looked like you were glowing.” Fred pauses so he can tuck a piece of hair behind Y/N’s ear.

“I was only supposed to run up to our dorm to grab something George and I needed for our prank on Filch,” he continues a moment later, his eyes staring deeply into Y/N’s. “But I couldn’t help myself. That was the first time you had been alone all school year and I needed to be close to you. It was so hard not to pull you into my chest and comfort you when you said you were sick. That’s why I gave you my sweater. So, I could be close to you without being close to you. If that makes sense.”

Y/N chuckles and she can feel how red her cheeks are from Fred’s words alone. She’s sure that if she opens her mouth to speak the swarm of butterflies in her stomach will fly out, so she places the hand that had been on Fred’s chest on his neck, letting her fingers tangle in his long hair. She tugs the strands lightly encouraging him to continue with his story.

“And I noticed, how you stared at me when I took it off. I honestly thought you were going to start drooling,” Fred teases with a chuckle as Y/N’s blush deepens even further. “And then when I got closer to you to put the sweater on for you I thought that you were going to kiss me and so when you looked away I thought it was all just in my head.”

Y/N frowns as she mentally curses herself out. I should have just kissed him. Would have saved so much god damn time.

Fred leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead before he continues. “But the way you looked at me, when I was talking about the stink bomb I knew you felt something for me. I just needed to figure out a way to get you to admit it. That’s why I let you keep the sweater too. I was hoping I could catch you wearing it again. Partially because it would have been helpful in getting you to admit you liked me, but mostly because it doeslook better on you. You look beautiful in everything you wear but seeing you in my sweater,” Fred pauses as he lets out a groan, his grip on Y/N’s waist tightening.

“How does Angelina fit into all of this, then? Because when I saw you look at her a few hours later, I could have sworn that you were in love with her,” Y/N says, her voice shaking. She’s still confused, and doesn’t want to get her hopes up, but everything that Fred is saying is making her heart swoon.

“Well after George and I set off a firework show in Filch’s office we were running away and quite literally ran into Angelina and Alicia who were coming back from Hogsmeade. I know Angelina has had a crush on George since like, first year, so we devised a plan that was beneficial to the both of us. George would finally stop being thick and notice Angelina and you would admit your feelings for me.”

Y/N’s eyes widen, and she raises her hand to smack him in the chest, but he manages to grab it in time. Fred interlaces their fingers and brings her hand up to his mouth, peppering it with soft kisses. “Let me finish explaining, please. You can be mad at me all you want after but just let me get it all out.” He continues to pepper her hand with soft kisses until he can feel Y/N relax in his embrace. He brings their hands down to their sides but keeps them interlaced.

“In the Great Hall that night Angelina and Alicia waited in the corridor until they saw you come in and sit down. I kept making George and Lee laugh, I knew that would get you to look over at us, I’d seen you do it before.” Fred rubs her cheek with his thumb as her blush comes back, Y/N often looked over at Fred during meals but had thought she was sneaky enough to get away with it.

“When she walked by I was staring at her but I was thinking about you. I was thinking about your laugh, and the way you scrunch your nose when you’re annoyed. I was thinking about the little wrinkle you get in between your eyebrows when you get frustrated at your coursework. I was thinking about your smile and how beautiful you looked when I caught you dancing with Ginny and Hermione in your pajamas last summer.”

Y/N groans at the memory, causing Fred to laugh. Hermione had brought a muggle radio with her to the burrow, and they were up late one night, just goofing off and dancing around Ginny’s room together. They had accidentally left the door cracked, and Fred and George had burst into Ginny’s room to see what all the noise was. Y/N had been wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that were two sizes too small and her cheeks had burned bright red as Fred had looked her up and down.

“I can’t believe you remember that. I was so embarrassed. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole,” she grumbles, the anger she had just felt completely washing away. Y/N lets herself fall into Fred’s chest, her arms wrapping around his middle and her face pressing into his neck. Fred laughs and finally let’s go of her hand so he can wrap one arm around her waist fully, his other reaching up to stroke her hair.

“Of course, I remember that. That’s the moment I fell in love with you. You looked so carefree, dancing around with your friends, with my little sister. It was like you belonged there,” Fred whispers the last part, pressing a kiss to the top of Y/N’s head. It was no secret that the Weasley boys all had soft spots for their younger sister and seeing Y/N get along so well with Ginny made Fred fall even harder for her.

“You are such a sap Fred Weasley,” Y/N teases lightly. Her heart feels like it might beat out of her chest. “Go on then, continue telling me about your master grand plan or whatever.”

Fred chuckles. “When George, Lee and I got back to the common room that night I figured you’d be there waiting to talk to me or something. But you weren’t. And when I saw you at Breakfast the next day you didn’t even look at me. I could tell George was falling into our trap, but you had gotten so distant I wasn’t sure what was going on in your head.”

Y/N can feel herself getting angry again, but she takes a deep breath, letting Fred’s scent calm her down. She had promised to hear Fred out before she got angry at him and she plans to keep that promise.

“I hadn’t planned on asking Angelina to the Yule Ball, but when George didn’t ask her she told me to. She said it was a surefire way for us to get what we both wanted.  And so, I did. I did it while you were there, thinking that maybe you’d stand up and tell Angelina to fuck off or something. But you got all quiet and stormed off instead.” Fred pauses, squeezing Y/N tighter against his chest.

“I wanted to follow you so badly,” he continues a moment later, and Y/N can hear the regret in his voice. “But I had made a promise to Angelina. I figured you would go alone, and that the mess I had gotten in would fix itself at the dance. And then Ron told us that you were going with Harry. You looked so beautiful, Y/N. I was so jealous of Harry, that he got to touch you,” Fred stops himself, jealousy building up in his throat just from the thought of Y/N being with someone else.

He presses his face to the top of her head, taking a deep breath. Sensing his tension, Y/N presses a kiss to his neck. “And then I saw you standing with George and I nearly lost my mind, that’s why Angelina and I left. You were being so, playful with him like you usually were with me. I thought maybe instead of pushing you to admit how you feel for me I had pushed you into the arms of someone else.”

“is that why Angelina came up to me in the library? She was trying to sus out what I was feeling?” She asks, so many things finally making sense.

Fred hums, and Y/N shivers as the rumble vibrates through her whole body. Fred squeezes her tighter. “George had somehow figured out what we were up to and decided to turn the table. The next day at breakfast all he could talk about was you, and how much fun he had with you after we left. I figured he was just trying to get a reaction out of me, but the thought of you wanting someone else hurt so much. So, I sent Angelina off to do some recon.”

“Then why continue playing your stupid little game? I told Angelina that I wasn’t into George,” Y/N questions, pulling her head away from Fred’s warmth so she can look him in the eyes. He returns her gaze, and it still causes her to blush, despite the fact that she’s been cuddled into him for at least 20 minutes. The sun has nearly set, and the golden rays reflecting off of Fred’s hair make him look like an Angel. She allows her gaze to drop to his lips for a moment, wishing that they were on hers once again.

“Yes, but you told her that you liked someone else, more than a friend,” Fred reminds her, a smirk forming on his lips. “And then you started hanging out with your friends again and you were spending so much time with Harry.”

“You thought I liked Harry?” Y/N asks in surprise, cutting Fred off. When he nods she laughs, unable to stop herself. “I don’t mean to laugh at you love. Well actually I do but, I can’t believe that you thought I was into Harry.”

Fred frowns at her, the hand that had been stroking her hair coming to cup her cheek once again. “And why wouldn’t you fancy Harry? He’s a top-class bloke I’ll have you know,” Fred teases with a chuckle. “And I was feeling insecure,” he admits sheepishly.

Y/N instantly feels bad for laughing and presses a kiss to Fred’s cheek as a way of apologizing. Fred and the word insecure have never once crossed her mind at the same time. Fred was always the life of the party, confident in himself and his actions. He liked being the center of attention and was always trying to get more eyes on him.

Knowing that he’s standing here with her barring his soul to her fills Y/N with warmth. Fred Weasley never let anyone see this side of him and yet here he is, laying it all out for her. While Fred’s actions may have been questionable to her, they came from such a place of pure sincerity that she can’t be mad at him. If anything, it makes her love him more, if that’s even possible.

“So, what was your plan today, hm? How was Angelina wearing your sweater going to push us together?”

“I’m getting there, don’t you worry,” Fred teases. “Actually, I’ll have you know that today’s plan was all George’s idea, so if my actions today lead you to never want to talk to me again just know that it’s George you should be mad at, not me.”

Y/N rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything. She presses her face back into Fred’s neck, encouraging him to continue.

“By this point George had been fully briefed on the situation, since he finally got the nerve to just ask Angelina out. Took him long enough if you ask me.” Fred pauses when Y/N laughs into his neck. “Hey, I don’t want to hear it from you. I was in far too deep to just ask you out, alright?” Y/N squeezes Fred’s middle, causing him to smile. “Anyway, he knew about the whole sweater thing. So, he suggested that Angelina wear the sweater mum sent for me this Christmas. Thinking it would send you into a jealous rage.”

“That was obviously a mistake,” Fred admits sheepishly. “But anyway. George waited by the boats for you to arrive with Harry, so he could make sure that you came and stood with us. When you didn’t notice the sweater right away I figured the plan was over. But then Angelina managed to sneak in a mention and well this is where I definitely need to apologize to you.”

“I thought I was special,” Y/N murmurs into Fred’s neck. “I knew, or at least thought I knew, that you were in love with Angelina. But I was the one you gave your sweater too. I was the one that got to cuddle it close every night. It gave me one sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe someday you’d be laying in bed cuddling me instead.”

When Fred doesn’t say anything, Y/N continues. “But then she was wearing your sweater and I wanted to throw up. My last shred of hope that you would ever love me was destroyed, and I just needed to get away from you.” Her voice cracks as a fresh set of tears flow down her face. Y/N pulls away from Fred so she can look him in the eyes and more tears cascade down her face when she sees the pain in his.

“I am so sorry, Y/N.” Fred lets go of her so his hands can come up and brush away her tears. “When you were standing there on the stairs you looked so broken and knowing I made you feel like that. I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t find the right words. And then you were gone, and I wanted to fling myself into the lake.”

Fred’s arms wrap around her waist again and Y/N lets herself cuddle close to him. Her own arms wrap around his neck and she starts to play with his hair. They just stand there, looking at each other for a few moments, both of them unsure what to say next.

“Say something, please,” Fred begs when the silence gets to be too much. “Anything. Even if you tell me to fuck off and never talk to you again. Just, say something.”

Y/N smiles up at him. “Kiss me.”

“Come again?” Fred asks, afraid that his ears are playing tricks on him.

“Kiss me,” Y/N breathes, her face slowly inching closer to Fred’s.

Fred doesn’t need to hear it again. The second the words have left Y/N’s mouth he’s closing the gap between them and their lips meet in a heated kiss. Except this time Y/N isn’t frozen in place. She moves her mouth in time with his and presses herself closer to Fred, needing to feel his body against hers.

Y/N’s knees quiver as he deepens their kiss and her whole body feels like it’s on fire. This is everything she has ever wanted, and she almost can’t believe it’s actually happening.

“I love you,” Fred says softly when their kiss breaks, both of them needing to catch their breath. “I love you so much and I am such an idiot and I am so sorry for hurting you.” Fred cups her cheeks so that he can gaze into Y/N’s eyes. Both of their cheeks are flushed, and Y/N doesn’t think she could look away from the loving look Fred is giving her even if she wanted to. “I don’t deserve your love and I’ll do anything it takes for you to be mine. I’ll apologize to you every day for the rest of forever if I have to.”

Y/N presses their foreheads together as she kisses Fred briefly. “Every day? For the rest of forever? That’s a pretty long time,” she teases with a laugh.

Fred chuckles, kissing her softly. “Now that I’ve got you I’m never letting you go.”

They stand there together in silence for a few moments, basking in the warmth their love has created around them. They’re both smiling at each other, and Y/N is sure that she’d float away if Fred wasn’t holding her so tightly.

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Y/N asks quietly, twirling a piece of Fred’s hair around her finger.

“Anything, my love.” Fred squeezes her even tighter, his lips brushing against hers.

“Promise me that I’ll be the only girl you ever give another one of your sweaters too,” Y/N says quietly, trying to seem playful. But Fred can sense the hint of seriousness behind her words.

“I promise, every day for the rest of forever,” he chuckles.

Y/N kisses him hard, trying to convey every ounce of love she has for Fred through this one kiss. Every day for the rest of forever may seem like a long time, but after spending so long without Fred, it doesn’t seem like enough.

[wipethetape]

Cigarettes

Billie Dean Howard x Reader

Warnings: smoking

A/N: i mean she can just blow those smokes to my face and not complain even though i really hate it

The rooftop is your go-to place whenever you feel exhausted with all the work the producer has given you. Recently, there's this one report they've been focusing on and they wanted you to do all the research for it and do the script within the month. You can't possibly do that alone, and you have to submit progress reports, which could be very annoying, and all they have to do is to revise it and basically put their name on the report without crediting you, disregarding all your efforts. 

You grabbed your phone and headphones before sneaking outside so they wouldn't pressure you on finishing the script implementing the revisions they made. 

When you arrived upstairs, you looked above and admired how the night sky shines with all those stars glowing. You wore your headphones after connecting it to your phone and played a song befitting the mood of the night. You just wish you also took your jacket because it is chilly outside. You rested your arms on the railings and closed your eyes. 

You did not hear the squeaking sound of the opening door followed by faint steps coming towards you caused by the heels the person is wearing. You were enjoying the music ringing through your ears, when you inhaled what seemed to be smoke from a cigarette. Your eyes instantly snapped open and turned your head to the side where it came from. 

You saw Billie Dean Howard on your left, who was staring right at you puffing a cigarette on her right hand and holding the case on the other. She opened the case and extended her hand to you. You immediately removed the headphones from your ear and put it on your shoulders. 

"Need one?" she offered. You saw there's only one remaining. You weren't so sure whether to accept it or not since you haven't tried it yet, but you did. You get one and give her a little 'thank you'. You put the tobacco filled paper between your lips, and she lit it up for you with her lighter. You took your first puff and you instantly coughed the smoke you inhaled. It tastes bitter and horrible, but you expected worse so it wasn't that bad. 

She giggles, "You didn't say you cannot smoke." You attempted to suppress your cough, in which you disappointingly failed. "Didn't wanna make you think I'm boring." You managed to spit out while trying to take deep breaths. 

"Don't worry, dear. I didn't. In fact, I think girls who don't smoke are adorable," she says, taking another puff staring back at the buildings at the front. You knew you felt some heat to your cheeks but maybe it was your body's reaction because of the cold wind brushing through your face. You threw her a look from your side. 

"I think women who smoke are attractive." 

It was the cue to make her gaze back at you. It kind of hit her that she had seen you a few times around the building, however, she didn't know you were running errands at those times. She isn't aware of the fact that you're working for the newsroom located on the floor above them. 

"You are of legal age, right?" She asks, staring at you intently. 

Your throat felt dry with the question, so when you opened your mouth, it was a mix of both coughing and chuckling so you don't know which is which. You immediately covered your mouth with your hand before trying again to speak. "I already took a puff from the cigarette you gave, yet you're only asking me now?" 

"Well, I don't want to be in jail for giving a minor a cigarette and letting them smoke illegally." 

You giggled. "I'll contact people to lend me money for your bail." 

"I'm serious," Billie says. 

"I would have swooned over you if I'm not. I am 29, and please stop frowning, the wrinkles. Those teenage fans of yours would lose their minds," you say, mumbling the last words. You bring your gaze to the now falling ashes from the tip of your cigarette and realize you might have just thrown a line where it seemed like you were flirting with her. 

"Maybe I should frown more often," a forming smirk evident in her voice. 

You comment, "Spare the poor little things." This made her giggle before taking her last puff and stubbing the cigarette on the railings. 

"It's a good thing you recognize me," she says, finally giving her full attention to you. You become conscious of how you look and feel all the heat from your body rise to your cheeks. You remembered the headphones hanging around your neck so you played with it to ease your nervousness. 

"Who wouldn't? Your set is only a floor below us, and yours has that huge sign, 'Do not even try stepping on this floor if you don't work for the medium to the stars, Billie Dean Howard,' everywhere," you noted, looking down the road below even if you can't see it clearly because of the lights. It was a good thing you were leaning over the railings because you couldn't bear the stares you're getting from her. 

She grins. "We do have that." She says. You saw from your peripheral vision that she removed her stare from you to the night sky. She probably noticed how you held your headphones and tapped on your shoes unconsciously. She did. 

Silence enveloped between the two of you, either the both of you enjoy the peace the place offers or one of you is waiting for the other to continue the conversation—but you don't know how. You suddenly can't find words to speak. 

"Shoot's done?" You ask (awkwardly). 

"They're packing up."

When you glanced over to her side, her eyes were fixated on you. The cold wind brushed through your skin, and you could feel how your body temperature dropped. You can now hear the subtle sound from your headphones because you only lowered the volume of your phone. You were convincing yourself it was the weather to be blamed and not the things this woman can make you feel. 

"Would you mind keeping me company for the rest of the evening?" She whispers, loud enough for you to hear despite the strong wind. She's still looking at you, but you have to act like it's not affecting you. 

You answer, "As long as it's not here then I'm good." 

"Then we should head down. We don't have all the time in the world, do we?"

You simply nodded and began walking first to hide your embarrassment with the whole exchange. You wanted to ask her first to go down but she beat you to that, and even asked you to spend the evening with her. Slow steps turned into larger, faster ones, not until you heard her voice again. 

"Wait," she called, making you stop on your tracks, "You haven't told me your name yet."

You turned around. "Really?" You asked. You thought you had mentioned it somewhere between your conversation. She raised her eyebrows expectantly, and did not react more than that. "I'll let you know once we leave the building," you say, giving her the teasing smile she had on her face a while ago. 

[headcanonsandmore]

Hermione and Veronica ‘Ronnie’ Weasley

Summary:  A Romione WLW AU, with Hermione and her best friend Veronica 'Ronnie' Weasley, the sweet redheaded girl who... well, who Hermione finds herself very confused about.

This fic was inspired by a similar AU scenario fic by @hillnerd. As with everything Hilly does, her fic is amazing, but hopefully my fic doesn’t look too bad by comparison. 

                  Read on FFN.                                      Read on AO3.

~~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger had a problem.

Well, not so much a problem. More of a…. confusion. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

And it had to do with her best friend. Veronica “Ronnie” Weasley.

Ronnie was funny, sweet, kind, and athletic. Over six foot tall, with a mane of long red hair and a mass of freckles, she immediately caught the eye. The boys couldn’t help but notice her, and many of the girls either admired her or felt jealousy towards her. Hermione had lost count of the time she’d seen Dean and Seamus staring at Ronnie from across the common room. On a few occasions, she’d even seen Neville blush after Ronnie had smiled at him.

Not that Ronnie noticed any of this. The redhead had always felt lacking, either to her older brothers or to her younger sister Ginny. Ronnie was, like all her siblings, good at schoolwork, but she had never felt like she could stand out. She had confided to Hermione that, even if she had done well, no-one would ever think much of it, since her brothers had all done it before.

And then there was Ginny. Ronnie’s little sister was about almost a foot shorter, and with more of a nervous energy than that of her older siblings. Hermione had often wondered whether the Weasleys all had a set amount of passion, and that those of a shorter persuasion tended to be more on-edge than their lankier siblings. Granted, this theory didn’t necessarily explain why the short Charlie was so relaxed, while the taller Percy was the exact opposite. Maybe the Weasleys all just reacted differently to their circumstances.

Ronnie was not an intense person. In fact, Hermione found her almost supernaturally relaxed and affable. More prone to telling a chuckle-inducing joke as opposed to an over-the-top prank that was the preferred tactic of Fred and George.

Hermione preferred Ronnie’s way of doing things. Hermione liked a lot about Ronnie. Even if Ronnie personally thought her own matey-ness with people made her unattractive, Hermione couldn’t imagine why such friendliness and kindness could be considered unappealing.

To boys, of course. Yes, just to the boys.

Hermione had the distinct impression that Ronnie felt lacking compared to her little sister. Maybe it was Ronnie’s lack of interest in “girly” things, or her seeming-inability to act with “decorum” (as Hermione’s parents would have put it). It was common for Ronnie to wear a pair of hand-me-down school trousers instead of skirts because, as she herself put it, she hated having to worry about whether people could see up her legs.

Hermione always found herself flustered whenever Ronnie joked about this. Ronnie did have very long legs after all.

She had been friends with Ronnie for years, ever since the Halloween of first year. They hadn’t exactly gotten along before then but, since the incident with the troll, they had become firm friends. It was nice being friends with someone else in the girls dormitory; Lavender and Parvati had never really clicked with Hermione. Ronnie was the first female friend Hermione had ever had.

And then third year had happened.

The two of them had fallen out over their pets. Crookshanks and Scabbers had never gotten along and, at one point, it had looked like Crookshanks had eaten Ronnie’s rat. It had been really lonely not speaking to Ronnie for all that time.

But they had become friends again, and things had settled back to how they had been before.

Well, not exactly.

Ronnie had always been a good friend, but Hermione hadn’t understood why she had missed Ronnie so much when they weren’t speaking. She certainly hadn’t missed Harry in the same way, which was even weirder considering that Harry was a boy.

Hermione had missed Ronnie’s smile, her laugh, her beautiful red hair, the way she would throw an arm around Hermione’s shoulders as they walked to class, the way she would bound up to her and hug Hermione tightly, and the way she would stretch out in the common room so that Hermione couldn’t help but notice her-

Yes, she had certainly missed her friend Ronnie. The same friend who made butterflies appear in Hermione’s stomach whenever Ronnie smiled at her. The same friend who began to inhabit Hermione’s dreams in ways she was becoming very confused about.

Hermione had hoped that… whatever this was would disappear over the summer holidays, and she could just enjoy her friendship with Ronnie with no extra complications.

No such luck. Fourth year had just made everything even more confusing. Harry and Ronnie hadn’t spoken for a while after Harry’s name had appeared in the goblet of fire. Hermione had desperately tried to patch things up between them but, in the end, they had worked it out themselves after the first task.

It was good for them to be a trio again. Although Hermione, Ronnie and Harry had always been a bit unusual. Parvati and Lavender had always been giggling over it, asking both Hermione and Ronnie about which of them Harry was dating. Hermione had always rolled her eyes at this. To her, Harry had always been like a younger brother. Like all younger brothers, he was always getting into mischief and being annoying, but he was her brother nonetheless.

Ronnie had always laughed her head off whenever this question was proposed by Lavender and Parvati. Harry was “her best mate”. End of. Nothing more to say.

But… well, as the Yule Ball approached, suddenly Ronnie stopped laughed and started blushing, avoiding Hermione’s eyes.

‘It’s none of your business,’ she had mumbled, her ears flashing their tell-tale pink.

Hermione had felt her heart slowly sink, although she tried to avoid thinking about why.

Sure enough, the day before the Yule Ball, Hermione had asked Harry about who he was taking, and the boy who lived had blushed scarlet.

‘Er… I asked Ronnie.’

Hermione dropped the book she was holding. The two of them were in the library.

‘What? You mean… you…’

‘I-I don’t know, okay!’ Harry stammered. ‘It’s just… I needed a date for the Ball and Ronnie’s my best mate, so it made sense.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

At that moment, someone tapped Hermione on the shoulder. It was Viktor Krum, the Durmstrang champion.

‘Excuse me, may I have a vord?’

Harry looked at the Bulgarian suspiciously.

‘Yes, it’s fine,’ Hermione said, leading Krum away into the next aisle of bookshelves. ‘Which section are you looking for?’

‘No… I… er…’

 *

 ‘Krum?!’

Ronnie’s face looked horrified. It was several hours later, in their dormitory.

‘Well, it wasn’t as if I was going with anyone, so why not?’

‘He’s eighteen, Hermione!’ Ronnie said, urgently. ‘He’s way too old for you!’

‘He’s not dating me, Ronnie,’ Hermione replied. ‘He’ll be more like a chaperone than anything else. Besides, it’s just one ball. It’s not like he’s asking to marry me.’

‘I should think not!’ Ronnie’s face was strangely angry. ‘You’re too good for him.’

Hermione felt her cheeks blush.

‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Er, congratulations about you and Harry, by the way.’

‘You… you know about that?’ Ronnie asked.

Hermione nodded, wondering why the mood suddenly felt so tense.

‘Yes, he told me earlier. It was nice of you to go with him.’

‘You think so?’

‘Yes. I think you’ll have a great time.’

Hermione hoped that her voice didn’t sound as falsely-cheery as she suspected.

 *

 The Yule Ball was something of an event. It was interesting hearing from Viktor Krum about what Bulgaria was like, but she found herself distracted. Possibly due to the fact that Ronnie and Harry were sat only a few chairs down the table, and kept giggling over stuff. Ronnie was wearing a very lacy dress that Mrs Weasley had only managed to get third-hand; since Ronnie was so tall compared to most girls, her clothes had always been a bit… well, difficult to acquire on a budget. The dress was a few inches shorter than her normal summer shorts were, and Hermione had got the distinct impression that Harry was trying not to stare too much when they had walked through the crowd with the other champions and their partners.

Hermione probably would have enjoyed the dancing too, except that she kept looking round to see what Ronnie and Harry were up to. Ronnie’s hair was long and had a sweet flowery scent that seemed to follow it around the room. Her smile was wide as she danced with Harry, and the way she kept laughing made it difficult for Hermione to concentrate on her own dancing. Why was she so distracted?

‘Vould you like a drink?’ Viktor Krum asked, after a very fast song had finished.

Hermione nodded, and he left for the buffet table.

At that moment, Hermione noticed that Harry and Ronnie were walking towards the balcony area.

Deciding to catch up with them, Hermione darted between several other couple, and poked her head out through the curtains.

Her stomach turned to lead.

Harry was kissing Ronnie on the mouth, and Ronnie was kissing him back.

Stumbling backwards through the curtain, Hermione pushed through the crowd and began to make for the exit. However, she bumped into Ginny and Neville.

‘I’m… feeling a bit unwell,’ she mumbled. ‘Could you tell Viktor Krum that I’ve had to leave?’

Ginny and Neville nodded, but looked concerned and a little confused.

Hermione didn’t stop hurrying until she had arrived back in her dormitory. She washed her make-up off, changed into her pyjamas, and climbed into her four-poster bed.

She had started crying before her head even hit the pillow.

 *

 ‘So… yeah.’

‘Bit weird, but… well, that’s it.’

It was the next day. Harry and Ronnie were talking to Ginny about what had happened. Hermione was eating her breakfast without looking at any of them.

‘So… are you two dating?’ Ginny asked.

Ronnie laughed nervously.

‘No; but… well, we’re gonna see how things change. If it’s not our cup of tea, we can stay friends instead.’

‘Yeah,’ Harry said, cheerfully. ‘Take a bit more than kissing for us to stop being best mates.’

‘Yeah, but…’ Ginny said, her eyes darting to Hermione and then back to Ronnie. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Er, yeah,’ Ronnie said. ‘H-Hermione, what do you think?’

Hermione blinked hurriedly.

‘Oh, I’m sure you two will be very happy,’ she said, a little too cheerfully. ‘I hope you don’t me being a third wheel, then. Anyway, we need to get to first period now.’

Harry nodded, and stood up.

Ronnie remained sitting, looking at Hermione with a slightly confused expression on her freckled face.

Ginny gave a sigh, and went back to her breakfast.

 *

 The next few weeks were not fun for Hermione. Ronnie and Harry had always been a duo and, now that they were sort-of together, Hermione had never felt more like a third wheel. Even though both of them were clearly trying their best not to exclude her, she couldn’t help but feel miserable.

And that wasn’t even getting into the way her heart would thump painfully whenever she caught Ronnie looking at Harry.

It was ridiculous. Hermione couldn’t be jealous! What was there to be jealous of? Harry was like a brother to her, so it clearly wasn’t that.

No, it was something else.

It was Ronnie.

Hermione was in love with Ronnie.

She tried to not think about this. Which normally would have been difficult. But luckily, they were both helping Harry about the second task, which took up a lot of time and mental headspace. And their coursework was so time-consuming that Hermione barely had time to think about her feelings for Ronnie.

Could girls even fall for each other? Hermione had read about that sort of thing happening, but she never would have imagined that it would happen to her.

The day before the second task, she (along with Ronnie) were helping Harry with his preparations for the second Triwizard task, when the Weasley twins arrived.

‘Ronnie, you and Hermione have got a message from Professor McGonagall.’

‘What?’ Hermione asked, confused. ‘She can’t seriously ban us from helping Harry, can she?’

‘No, she just wants you and Ronnie to go to Dumbledore’s office.’

Hermione exchanged confused glances with Ronnie.

When they arrived at Dumbledore’s office, they were not the only confused people there. Cho Chang was also there, plus a young girl speaking in fluent French who was presumably Fleur Delacour’s little sister.

Dumbledore explained about what the second Triwizard task was, and how it would include all of them. Each of the champions would have a hostage, who would be in an enchanted sleep at the bottom of the great lake. The hostages would be perfectly safe underwater, and would return to normal once they were brought back to the surface of the lake.

‘Professor,’ Hermione asked, raising her hand. ‘I don’t understand; why has Harry got both me and Ronnie as his hostages? And where is the hostage for Viktor Krum?’

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

‘Miss Granger, you are Mister Krum’s hostage, not Mr Potter’s.’

Hermione’s eyes widened in confusion. Viktor Krum? She was his “the person he would miss most”? Why? She’d been to the ball with him, but that was it. She hadn’t really spoken to him much since, aside from apologising for leaving the Yule Ball early. Why was she his hostage? Surely, he had friends from Durmstrang that would be a better pick?

Hang, on. Ronnie was Harry’s hostage. The person Harry would miss most.

So, that meant Ronnie was…

Hermione felt her heart sink. She couldn’t even look Ronnie in the eye, but she felt the redhead tense next to her.

Maybe Harry and Ronnie will become a full couple after he rescues her in the task, Hermione thought, miserably, as she slipped into unconsciousness from the sleeping spell Dumbledore had casted, I guess there never was any hope for me…

The next thing Hermione knew, she was treading water in the middle of the great lake. Viktor Krum was pulling her towards the shoreline. Her uniform felt heavy and sodden.

‘Where’s… where’s Harry and Ronnie?’ she asked, as Madam Pomfrey bustled them over to a tent nearby. ‘Haven’t… haven’t they come back yet?’

Madam Pomfrey patted her hand in sympathy, and tutted under her breath, as if she’d quite like a word with the person who came up with the idea for the second task.

A portion of pepper-up potion later, plus some warming spells, and Hermione was stood on the shoreline with Cho Chang and a very worried-looking Fleur Delacour. The French girl’s hostage was still down in the lake. Cho had put an arm around her.

‘They’ll be fine,’ the Ravenclaw was saying. ‘The judges won’t let any harm come to- oh, hello, Hermione.’

‘Hello. Have… have Harry and Ronnie got back yet?’

Cho shook her head.

There was a shout from the crowd, and Hermione looked round. Three people had just surfaced in the middle of the lake. Hermione could see a mane of very familiar red hair. Dashing past Viktor Krum (who seemed intent on chatting to her about something), Hermione wade into the shallows of the water. Fleur Delacour and Percy Weasley joined her.

‘I’m fine, Harry,’ Ronnie was saying, as Harry helped her towards the shore. The two of them were stood awkwardly in the shallows. Percy had stopped fussing over Ronnie, and had gone to find them some warm blankets, followed by the Delacour sisters.

Harry leaned forward and kissed Ronnie on the lips.

Hermione felt her heart sink and, turning away, she walked out of the lake, ignoring Viktor Krum’s renewed attempts at conversation, and left for the castle. People looked at her in confusion as she pushed past. She was glad that she had been given the pepper-up potion, as the February wind whipped through her.

Before she knew it, she was lying in her four-poster bed, crying her eyes out. She had somehow managed to close the curtains around her before she broke down completely. When was she ever going to get over this? She had no “claim” on Ronnie; after all, Ronnie liked boys, Ronnie liked Harry. And, next to Harry, why would Ronnie possibly look at Hermione? A bookworm. A girl. Just the best friend.

‘H-Hermione?’

Ronnie. Oh, god, Hermione thought, she can’t see me like this…

‘G-go away, Ronnie.’

‘What, and leave you miserable? Not on your life.’

‘I’m-I’m fine, Ronnie. J-just a bit exhausted from the task.’

‘Did… did Krum do something to you?’

‘No!’ Hermione exclaimed, pulling back the curtains of her four-poster. ‘Of course not! He’s barely even held my hand! What… how could you…’

‘W-well,’ Ronnie said, her ears turning pink. ‘You were “the person he would miss the most”, after all.’

Hermione stared at her for a second.

‘I don’t see Viktor Krum like that,’ she said, earnestly. ‘He’s… well… like a chaperone.’

‘He fancies you.’

‘You mean like Harry fancies you?’

Ronnie looked as if Hermione had slapped her.

‘You… you saw him kissing me, then?’

Hermione nodded.

‘Is that why you’re crying?’

Hermione mentally cursed. Her cheeks were still wet with tears.

‘I’m… I’m very happy for you both.’

‘Don’t insult my intelligence, Hermione,’ Ronnie said, hotly. ‘You’re clearly upset about it. What, you fancy Harry or something?’

‘What? No!’ Hermione said. ‘Harry’s like a brother to me! Why would you-’

‘Well, what’s your problem, then?!’ Ronnie exclaimed, coming to stand barely a few inches away from her.

‘Don’t be… it’s… well…I-’

‘Hermione, what is it?’

‘It’s not Harry that I fancy, Ronnie; it’s you!’

There was a deafening silence.

‘I… I shouldn’t have said that,’ Hermione mumbled. ‘Sorry, forget I-’

‘No, what do you mean?’ Ronnie asked. ‘Do… do you mean that?’

‘Y-yes,’ Hermione whispered. ‘I’m sorry. I know you don’t see me like that. I’ve ruined our friendship-’

Hermione stopped talking. Because Ronnie had suddenly leaned forward and was kissing her on the mouth. Hermione’s brain seemed to disengage. Ronnie’s lips were soft and delicate as they pressed against Hermione’s. The redhead’s body heat felt like a warm fire against her, despite how little they were touching.

A few seconds later, although it could have lasted for hours for all that Hermione knew, Ronnie pulled away slightly.

‘Do… do you really mean that?’ Ronnie whispered, her hands tender as they interlaced with Hermione’s. ‘You… you really fancy me?’

Hermione nodded, feeling very confused.

‘Yes. Ever since… actually, I don’t know when. But… why…’

‘I… I fancy you, Hermione,’ Ronnie said, softly. ‘I… I thought you didn’t feel the same way.’

‘You fancy me?’

‘Er, did I not just kiss you? Would have thought it’d be a giveaway…’

Hermione giggled.

‘Okay, I believe you. But how-’

The door opened. Harry poked his head through.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Ronnie said, cheerfully as she held Hermione’s hand. ‘She’s okay. And so am I.’

‘Cool. And… did you both…’

Ronnie nodded.

‘Fantastic!’ Harry said, grinning. ‘I’m so happy for you two!’

‘W-wait, what?’ Hermione exclaimed, utterly at sea. ‘Harry, did… did you know?’

‘I guessed. Besides, me and Ronnie work better as friends anyway.’

‘You… you two aren’t a couple?’ Hermione gasped, looking between them both. ‘I thought… after you kissed at the lake-’

‘You are one daft maid,’ Ronnie chuckled, pecking her on the cheek. ‘But that makes two of us, eh?’

Hermione smiled, as she held Ronnie’s hand. Maybe, on occasion, the best friend did get the girl. Even if they were also a girl, too.

 ~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you enjoyed it!

[buckyownsmylife]

v e l o c i t y - chapter ix

The one where John’s your true mate, but he doesn’t want you to be his.

In a universe where fate grants you a new mate whenever you lose yours, John has lived quite comfortably for many years with the knowledge that he was alone after Mary. That all comes crumbling down the second that he meets you. How could the universe choose someone so young to be his omega?

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N: Okay so, my bad. One more chapter after this one!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I had a hard time sleeping since that night in the laundry room. Well, it was hard to go to bed alone, knowing only one wall separated me from John, knowing the only thing missing for him to claim me was time. He needed time to get over the image of me as a child, accept that I was another person, a woman now - and his mate. And I needed to find some sort of patience to hold onto while he got there.

That didn’t mean I was a saint, though. My desire was still there, even stronger, I dared to say. Now that he had recognized that he truly wanted me, it felt too easy, it felt simple and I just wanted to reach out and have him touch me - really, anywhere.

But I wanted to give him the space he needed to come to terms with this. So I resorted to long nights of touching myself to the thought of him, wondering what he was doing on his bed, if he thought of me when the bunker’s silence grew almost deadly and the sky became darker than a demon’s eye.

And then one night, I heard it.

It was a woman’s moan, coming from the room next door, and instinctively every nerve in my omega body stood in attention, ready to pounce. Who the fuck was with John? Why would he do this? But then his groan reached my ear, sounding much closer, much clearer, and by the time I heard another male’s voice panting, I knew what was happening.

John was watching porn.

The thought thrilled me to no end, even though I couldn’t really explain just why. Maybe it was the fact that he was doing something that intimate, right next to me, not knowing I could hear…

Or maybe he did, and that’s exactly why he was doing it. That had me drenching my panties, quickly getting rid of my clothes before laying back on the bed, a hand between my legs as I tried to listen to his every sound.

Only a few grunts and pants seemed to come from him, the rest mainly from the movie he was watching, but I could distinctly identify the wet, rhythmic slap of his hand meeting his navel along the sounds of the television, and that was the tempo I followed as I started to touch myself.

I got lost in the memories of when it was his fingers inside of me, his scent drowning mine, yet my attention never wavered from the room next door, trying to memorize every little thing about his search for pleasure while I did the same. I just knew it wouldn’t be enough to get me off until his pace quickened, a growl escaping the depths of his chest as he reached his release, and the thought of his cum covering his naked body had me mewling as my cunt clenched around my own digits.

Suddenly, it was all too quiet. All too very quiet. 

“Are you touching yourself, little one?” His voice came closer than I expected it to - not that I expected it at all - and it had me gasping in surprise, imagining him on the other side of the wall against which my bed rested, trying to hear me do the exact same thing he’d been doing seconds before. “Are you touching yourself to the sounds of me getting myself off?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. How the fuck was I supposed to resist him?

“Are you soaking wet?” The questions just kept coming, prompting my movements to grow quicker, more desperate at the clear desire dripping in his tone. “Because of me?” A simple chuckle shouldn’t sound this hot. “No James here to prepare you this time, huh?”

And that was all it took for me to reach my high, cumming around my fingers with a strangled moan as John’s low laugh resonated from my left. “Atta girl. Bet you’ll sleep real good tonight.” And just when I thought he was done and I could finally breathe again, “I know I will.”

Oh, shit. I was trying to be patient and give him his time, but if he thought I’d let this sort of teasing just go by, he was in for a treat. Better get ready for war, Winchester.

John’s P.O.V.

I knew I was playing with fire, but no one could have prepared me for the special type of hell I was forced to live in during the next few weeks.

It was like she was doing anything she could to make my resolve break. She wanted me to lose control, take her again just like I did that time when I thought another Alpha would try to lay claim on her.

And I had to give it to her - the memories of when she was young were nothing but distant flashbacks I could only remember if I tried to think back on why I was trying to resist her.

Even then, it was like that little girl was someone else entirely, someone I didn’t know anymore - certainly not the young woman who was currently caressing the inside of my thighs and slowly getting closer and closer to my crotch in the middle of this fucking diner.

I took advantage of the fact that Dean had left the table to hit on one of the waitresses and Sam had left to ring someone to finally hold her wrists, stop her quest for control over my dick and my nerves.

“You keep trying to test my patience, you little brat. You wouldn’t like what I’d do if I actually lost it, right here, right now.” Her sharp inhale was music to my ears, a smirk taking over my face as I looked down on her by my side.

But of course, she couldn’t just let it go.

“What would you do, old man?” My chest inflated as I took in her defiance, glancing at the door and Dean to make sure no one would come back soon before turning my body fully towards her, caging her against the wall in the booth.

“I’d put you over my knee, rip those pretty jeans and spank the shit out of you, omega. I’d let everyone watch me bruise your skin, I don’t even care that all these alphas are staring at you. I’d let them see, so maybe they’d know they ain’t got no chance with you.” The sweet smell of her arousal was easy to catch, so I knew she was soaked by now - and my smirk warned her of just how much I was aware of my effect on her body.

A few seconds of silence followed my words, both of us breathing heavily as we stared at each other, trying to hold back. Until she broke the spell, simply by being her.

“God, can you get any kinkier?” I wanted to be mad, I really did, but it was just impossible. My whole body shook under the power of my laughter, and I knew Dean was looking back at us now, just like some of the other patrons.

“Try me,” I provoked, raising my eyebrows at her as I reached for my mug of coffee again. She just kept staring at me, lips pursed in a pout, arms crossed in front of her body, the perfect picture of annoyance.

“You’re hot, but you’re very mean. Did you know that?” I choked on the hot liquid, almost spilling it all over myself, not having expected to be so casually called hot by someone as attractive as her in a million years.

“But you know what?” She pressed on, not giving me any time to recover. “I can be meaner.” That sentence, whispered in my ear as she pressed her body against mine, sent shivers down my spine. “Game’s on, Winchester.”

… What had I gotten myself into?

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The fact that we had managed to get John Winchester to go to a club was mind-blowing and hilarious to me. He looked so out of place - much older than most around, and underdressed in comparison to the guys his age, who were all displaying the same type of clothes as the fuck boys who were so desperately trying to get with anything that moved.

“You have something in your hair,” I commented, using this as an excuse to press my body tightly against his when I reached out to fix his locks, and even though he was quick to push me away, keeping me at a distance, there was a smile on his face.

“You need to stop doing that.” I bit my lip as I looked up at him with the most innocent expression I could muster. It was honestly hard not to laugh.

“Doing what?” John scoffed, letting me go to turn back to his whiskey, but once the liquid was in his lips again, his eyes traveled up and down my body, almost undressing me.

“You like my dress?” I asked, twirling so he could get the full view, even though I already knew how he felt about it. There was an entire discussion about the piece of clothing before we managed to leave the bunker, and I still believed it was the entire reason why he decided to tag along to my night out with the boys.

“I think we’ve established this is barely even a dress, little girl.” Giggling, I stepped closer to him again, using the excuse some drunk dude gave me when he lost his balance and wobbled in my direction, my hand falling precisely over John’s crotch as I pressed our bodies together once more.

“You know there’s other people around us, right?” He whispered right by my ear, raising goosebumps all over my skin when the hand that wasn’t holding his drink settled over my ass. “This little skirt of yours is giving me all types of thoughts…”

I was just about to ask him to elaborate on that when his head suddenly snapped up, meeting my eyes instead of looking at my breasts. “Why on Earth aren’t you wearing any underwear?”

I giggled when I understood that he could feel the absence of other fabrics underneath the thin material of my dress since he was now rubbing and squeezing my butt. I was suddenly shy, more because I didn’t expect him to call me out on it than anything else, so I buried my face in his chest as he kept teasing me, “Do you have something against it? Is that it? Are you allergic to panties?”

He swayed us somewhat to the beat of the song that had taken everyone to the dance floor, and I just relished in his embrace before finally coming up with something to say. “You liked it so much the last time…” I reminded him, not expecting what he’d counter.

“Last time was a mistake.” Immediately, I pushed away from him, meeting his eyes in shock and hurt as his words pained me in a way I never expected him to do - not again. His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared back at me, obviously confused by my sudden reaction until he understood what he had said.

“No, no,” he called out, easily pulling me close again despite me trying to escape. I hated that I cherished that night so badly, desired him so ardently ever since, just for him to go ahead and write it off as a mistake.

“That’s not what I meant, ‘mega,” he tried to calm me down, nose rubbing over my scent gland in an effort to lower my heartbeat and suppress my anger. It worked perfectly, as much as I didn’t want it to.

“I just mean, I didn’t want the first time I touch you to be because of anger and jealousy.” His explanation drained all irritation from my body, leaving me slumping against his hard chest.

“I didn’t want it to happen like that,” he continued. “You deserved more than that.” My heartbeat was pounding to the rhythm of the music, not quite believing this turn of events.

“I mean… I didn’t even kiss you, for fuck’s sake.” The sound of his despair against his own actions had me mewling against him, absentmindedly rutting my ass against his crotch, not even realizing I was doing it until his fingers pressed tightly on my hips - not stopping me, just… holding me there.

“I want- I want our first time to be meaningful.” And that, right then, stole my breath away. Because I understood the implicit message. I understood that this was him, saying he was ready. “Hopefully, in a bed,” he continued, and I smiled to myself at his sweet plans for us.

“But if you keep teasing me so much, I’ll bury my fingers inside of you right here, I swear.” This last part was uttered against the shell of my ear, making me go perfectly still, at last stopping my movements against the bulge that had become more than evident in his old jeans.

“And Lord knows where that would take us,” he commented, hands holding me just under the curve of my breasts, making me shiver as he nuzzled against my neck from behind. “By now, you know how easily I can get carried away.”

And I did. Just the memory of it made me shiver, but maybe it was the man behind me, whose hands were now openly exploring my body as if we weren’t surrounded by people in a smelly club.

“Yeah, I know…” I panted, body sensuously moving against his without even intending to, just needing to feel the weight of his hands all over me, forever. “You’ve done it before.”

And that was the last thing I spoke for the next few hours because right then John turned me in his arms and took my lips on his, devouring me in the dark corner of the dance floor, while the rest of the club danced without a care in the world, not taking notice on two mates finally giving in to one another.

The only thing that mattered right then was him and I.

[whatissleepeven]

Hey heyyy!~ I hope you're having a good day, Legend! May I request the brothers reacting to MC making a whole meal at like 3am because they slept through dinner and got real hungry,,, Please remember to take good care of yourself!

This ask made me go the humor route with the hcs I'm sorry -

And thank you, I will!! I hope you're doing the same, Dean!

-------------------------------------------------

Obey Me demon brothers reacting to MC making a whole-ass meal at 3am

Lucifer

Lucifer.exe has stopped working

First you skip dinner, and now you're eating at unholy hours of the morning??

On a school day???

11/10 disappointed and a little angry

"And just what do you think you're making at..." *checks his watch because he will not be caught looking anything but prim and proper* "...three in the morning?"

You stop stirring the pot, looking at him as if you were dead inside. Which, at three a.m., you were. "Mac n' cheese. There's chicken in the oven." You state bluntly. "You want any?"

Lucifer's a bit taken aback at your lack of formality with him, but he finds it...strangely endearing. With a sigh that pierced his very soul, he leaned against the counter next to you.

There's a twitch of his lips, as if he's trying hard to not smile. "I'll have to decline this time."

You drained the pot of noodles into the strainer, giving it a good few shakes as you eyed the oven. "So, next time then?"

He frowned, crossing his arms as he glared. "There won't be a next time, now will there?"

You gulped. You forgot exactly who you were talking to due to your stomach currently dying of agony, but his tone quickly reminded you. "Y-Yeah, there won't be! Promise!"

You were going to break that promise and he knew it. Opting to ignore it for now, he glanced at the oven as the aroma of chicken began to fill the kitchen. "Where did you even find a chicken, anyways?"

"I went to Hell's Kitchen with Beel to find out if they had human food. Asked them where they got it from, and how." You shrugged. "Process of deduction."

"I see..." Is all that he said, watching you flit around the kitchen to make yourself a plate. You cut the chicken, happily adding it to your pile of mac n' cheese.

"Beel, it's ready!" You call out, startling him a bit. He pinches his brow as the sound of footsteps rapidly approached the kitchen, a starry-eyed Beel making his own plate.

He really should've expected this.

"Please don't make this a habit, you two."

He'll let it slide for now, and punish you later on in the day. How could he tell you off when you looked so happy eating a human meal with one of his brothers?

Mammon

All he wanted was to grab a Devil Dew from the fridge. Seriously, that's it.

It was dark, so he flicked on the light switch and shrieked yelled once he saw you casually eating big ziti at the counter.

He has questions, but more importantly...

"What the devil are ya doing, eatin' in the dark?!"

You narrowed your eyes at him, jabbing your fork in his direction.

"Either turn off the light or grab some ziti. I made extra."

Well, it...did look good. It must've been human food from the package you had shipped to the House earlier.

“...Alright, human, but just this once!��

It does not become “just this once”

He took a seat next to you, piling some ziti onto his plate and taking a bite. To be honest, he had peeked into your room to see if you were still asleep and panicked once he saw no one inside, so he spent a solid five minutes running through the entire House to catch even a glimpse of you. 

The frantic energy burnt made him thirsty, so he decided to take a break and come to the kitchen and holy shit this is actually really good -

“...Oi. What’s this made out of?”

- And that’s how he discovered his crippling addiction to cheese.

Seriously he’ll ask you if you’re making ziti whenever it’s your turn to cook

“Sorry if I startled you too bad.” You laughed quietly, watching as he scooped more onto his plate with an awed look in his eyes. “You like the ziti?”

A fork was shoved in your face, close to touching your nose. “The Great Mammon doesn’t get startled, ya hear? A-And yeah...this isn’t half-bad.”

Not gonna lie, you were a bit surprised when he actually sat down to eat ziti with you, but in the words of Beel: “Food always tastes better when you’re eating with friends.”

Even though he has the fattest crush on you but we don’t talk about that here

In the end, you smiled softly at him. “Then let’s do this again sometime.”

“Oh HELL YEAH!!” He cheered, and you knew that you couldn’t ever say no to him. 

Especially not with what he added afterwards in a quieter voice. 

“Just...make sure to eat dinner with all of us too, got it?”

Leviathan

“Is this like that one episode of Demfeed: Unsolved where they tried to put aggro on the spirits by eating their favorite dish at 3 in the morning?!”

You...hated that you knew what he was talking about. The two of you would watch that show whenever you were finished with an anime binge, and you were usually laughing at your own commentary (and theirs) than paying actual attention to the process of catching a ghost. Instead, you just slowly brought the spoon to your lips and slurped up some more cereal.

“...If I tell you yes, then will you turn off the light?”

You swear that you have never seen this shut-in otaku move that fast in your life. In one swift motion he flicked the light switch off, grabbing a turquoise bowl and pouring his own cereal.

He took a seat next to you, stars in his eyes as he began to eat. 

“Let’s summon them together!”

And who were you to say no? You were glad that he didn’t bring up the fact that you basically skipped dinner, content to have this quiet time with you in the present.

You lightly shoved his shoulder with a snort. “Let’s hope that we don’t end up accidentally summoning Lucifer instead.”

“Who will be summoning me, exactly?”

You and Levi freeze. Slowly, you both turn to see the eldest brother standing in one of the doorways with his arms crossed and a murderous look on his face.

The tight smile he gave could bury you both six feet under. “It’s good to see you up and about after skipping dinner. Are you making up for lost time?”

Levi nudged you. You side-eyed him.

Without warning you threw your spoon to the ground and yelled.

“SCATTER!!”

And just like Ratatouille, you both bolted out of the kitchen with an angry Lucifer on your heels. You and Levi didn’t get caught, but the next morning you two had to sit and listen to one of Lucifer’s lectures at the dining table.

- You ended up missing breakfast.

(All it takes is the whisper of that one blessed word, and the two of you would devolve into a fit of laughter. Levi still joins you for your “Cursed Meal Runs”, as he dubbed it.)

Satan

He had seen the light on in the kitchen and wondered just who, exactly, would be up at this time??

Especially on a school night day???

(Actually he assumed it was Beel, but it didn’t hurt to go and check it out just in case it was an intruder, now did it?)

“What is- Oh. I see.”

(As you can tell, he immediately gets what’s going on the minute he spots you eating pizza like it’s the end of the world.)

There’s an amused smile on his face as he sits down across from you. “You’ve finally decided to eat something?”

You swallow the food in your mouth, glancing between him and the takeout box you had delivered from Hell’s Kitchen. “I can’t help it that Belphie wanted a sleepover in the middle of the afternoon! ...Okay, I can help it a little, but still; whenever we sleep, I’m dead to the world for the rest of the day.”

He hums in agreement, knowing the power of his brother’s endless soft blankets and squishy but just right pillows. “Instead of making something yourself, you chose to order pizza?”

You put another slice onto your plate, and was- yep, half the box is already gone. You must’ve been really hungry, he thought. “I just had a craving for it and it hits different at night- hey, stop laughing!”

He couldn’t help it. You were just full of surprises, weren’t you? But that’s what made you endearing to him.

He covered his mouth in an attempt to stifle the noise, eyes softening into something more intimate once they fell on your face again. “Forgive me, you just caught me by surprise. Do you mind if I take a slice? Thank you. Since we’re here, I wanted to talk to you about the show you recommended to me... Fringe, was it? I watched the first episode, and let me say...”

Your late-night (early morning) rendezvous ended up feeling like a date. Then again, anything you do with Satan ends up feeling like a date.

(He also lightly scolded you for missing out on dinner with them because it wasn’t a healthy habit to get into, but he hinted at wanting to do this again sometime with you. Overall, he wasn’t actually mad at you.)

...

(Though, the pizza was delicious. Was it because you were with him? You two would have to order it again sometime soon to “test his theory”.)

Asmodeus

Let me be honest, this man is big on his beauty sleep.

Also, he sleeps like the dead.

However, there was one night where he just...could not sleep.

So he went to go rinse some water into his face in hopes of getting out of this stupor when he heard a rustle from the kitchen.

“...-za! Pasta! Put it in a booooooox!!”

...Was that supposed to be singing??

He peeked his head into the kitchen to see you stirring a pot, quietly singing some horrendous song that you no doubt had shown Levi.

“What in the world are you cooking to make you sing like that?”

Asmo’s voice made you jump a little. With a smile you beckoned him over, only after making him promise to be quiet so that you both didn’t incur Lucifer’s wrath.

“I’m making pasta from Mammon’s frozen Hellsauce Noodles. Uh...don’t tell him.”

Look me in the eyes and tell me this man isn’t a prankster. He literally tried to get you to snap a picture of Lucifer sleeping.

He gave you a wide smile, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Oh, don’t worry; I won’t tell a soul...as long as I can have some, of course!”

- Well. This is rare. Asmo almost never has food at a cursed hour like this, much less spicy food. You nod your head over at an empty seat, telling him to just take your plate.

Once it’s done, you both take a minute to chat as it cools down.

“-nd then he threatened to switch my nail polish out for paint. Actual paint!”

...Isn’t nail polish just paint for your nails? But you kept that thought to yourself, letting the disgruntled demon gripe about a certain shady sorcerer.

Having a late-night meal with Asmo was fun and pretty chill, considering that he didn’t attempt to make one R-Rated joke while you ate. It must’ve been because he was tired, but you were leaning more towards the fact that this must be what Asmo was like when he let his guard down.

It was...nice.

“...Thanks for this, Asmo.”

Asmo smiled like he knew what you meant, but then again...maybe he did.

“Of course, love! Oh, but don’t skip out on dinner again you hear? It’s bad for your health to miss a meal.”

Beelzebub

Hungry boi already knows that you’re making a meal before even you know you’re making a meal

You were getting the pots and pans out to make a feast for yourself when you turned around and nearly screamed. Beel was peeking around the corner, staring at you with intent as his stomach rumbled.

“...What are you making?”

Once you calm yourself, you smile and beckon him over. “I planned on making a big breakfast. I may have missed dinner, but this is one meal I wouldn’t miss for the world!”

You didn’t tell him it was because it reminded you of home, with your loved ones (be it friends or family or, even, just you and your pets). You set to work whipping up some French Toast and bacon, having on numerous occasions to lightly swat Beel’s hands away from the food.

He does end up helping you, though. He tries his best, but he sneaks a sausage from the plate when you aren’t looking.

He thinks he’s being sneaky.

(You know. You still let him do it.)

“Beel, can you pull the biscuits out of the oven?”

“Sure.”

It’s a comfortable silence as you two put together a breakfast feast fit for kings. You ended up making more than you initially were due to Beel’s appetite, but seeing the awestruck look (which was accompanied by a wide smile) on his face as he took a bite of French Toast was worth the extra work.

“I take it you like it?”

He gives you a puppy-eyed look. “...Can we have this later today?”

And, really, could you ever say no to Beel when he asks so sweetly?

You laugh as you take a bite out of your biscuit, eyeing the oven because the last thing you had put in were the cinnamon rolls. “Of course. We should still have enough to do this one more time.”

He beams, going to town on the rest of the food. The whole scene is so domestic that you almost miss his next words.

“Just...don’t skip dinner again. It’s just as important as breakfast, and I like seeing you eat with us.”

- And just like that, you promise him to not skip dinner again if you can help it. The two of you do continue to make small meals at unholy hours of the morning, though, much to the ire of Lucifer.

(Also, whenever Beel is making his midnight runs to the fridge, he now drags you along to see if you’d make something. Whenever you do, he’s overjoyed and giving you all the hugs for your hard work.)

Belphegor

...Listen

Listen -

Homeboi sleeps most of the day away. He’s probably the reason you missed dinner in the first place.

“...I should’ve expected this, really.”

You whirl on him, your dominant hand not once stopping in its stirring. Even though it was early in the morning (not even Levi was up), you had a bright look in your eyes.

Your stomach rumbled loud enough for both of you to hear. Belphie raised an eyebrow, the edges of his lips curling into an amused smile.

You coughed awkwardly. “Listen, do you want chicken noodle soup or not?”

He doesn’t eat, but he does watch you bustle around the kitchen with a soft look in his eyes. Something about the whole scene was comforting, and for once he didn’t feel like falling asleep.

“Soup soup soup soup soup soup soup...!” You chanted quietly, bouncing from foot to foot as if it’d prepare the food faster. He chuckled at your enthusiasm, resting his head on his beloved cow-printed pillow as he stared.

“It’s done!!” You whisper-shout, all but slamming the bowl down as you took a seat next to him.

Belphie glanced over at you in amusement. “Is this going to become a common thing with you?” He questioned, keeping a straight face even as you scowled at him.

“You know the exact reason why I’m here in the first place. Just so you know I’m starving, Sleeping Beauty, so please excuse me as I down this piping hot soup like it’s the end of the world.”

That actually forced a snort out of him, shifting to instead lean his head on your shoulder. “C’mon, you don’t mean that. Why don’t you come sleep with me? It’s too early to be eating, anyways.”

You poke his side with your free hand. “Watch it, mister. Again, why do you think I’m here in the first place?”

He said nothing after that, closing his eyes with a small smile. Even though it was early, he wasn’t particularly annoyed; if anything, he felt...at peace.

He didn’t condone you for missing dinner, especially if it meant that he’d get more tranquil moments like this.

For now, though...let this peace last just a bit longer.

[samisadeangirl]

Winchester 8th Wedding Anniversary--Day 2

Songs that make me think of Sam and Dean:

1. Wong Side of Heaven (Five Finger Death Punch): Whenever I hear this, I immediately think of the boys, since being on the wrong side of Heaven and the righteous side of Hell pretty much IS their lives.  I never saw this video until yesterday when I was prepping for this post and therefore didn’t realize the song was about military veterans . . . which is still appropriate for the Winchesters (no disrespect intended towards anyone in service).

2. Brother (NEEDTOBREATHE): This isn’t my usual type of music since I’m a hard rock girl (as evidenced in my previous choice), but when I heard this song after someone posted it here on Tumblr, I immediately agreed that this was for Sam and Dean.

3. Carry On My Wayward Son (Kansas, cover by Neoni): This may seen like a cheesy cop-out, but after the finale I felt it was especially appropriate for our boys.  I’ve decided to post the cover used at the end of the finale instead of the original for something a little different (and I really do like it).

[saltnhalo]

There's no shadow you won't light up, mountain you won't climb up, coming after me There's no wall you won't kick down, lie you won't tear down, coming after me From reckless love by cory asbury Every time I hear the song I picture Cas and how he stops at nothing to save Dean because he loves him, and how incredulous Dean is about being worthy or deserving of that overwhelming, never ending, unstoppable force of love from Cas.

what a beautiful song! this turned out much more pine-y than love-y, but sometimes that’s just the way of the muse.

Dean doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.

Even from the start, Cas has given Dean everything—rescued him from Hell, rebuilt him piece by piece and breathed the air back into his lungs. Granted, that was on Heaven’s orders, but even after that…

Cas has fought for them, with them, so many times, even against his own kind. And even though he’s friends with Sam, and protects him as well, there’s just something different about the way he is around Dean. The lack of personal space, the fact that he always comes whenever Dean needs him, the feeling that Dean gets in his soul whenever he’s nearby.

He leans back against the Impala, pushes his hands into his jacket pockets, and lets his eyes close for a brief moment.

Why me, Cas? Of all the people you could’ve latched onto, why me?

“Dean?”

Fucking angels, always keeping an ear out for prayers.

Then again, maybe that’s just his angel.

It’s only through practice and sheer willpower that Dean manages to keep from jumping out of his skin, and instead turns to face Cas where he’s standing a few feet away. The dingy motel parking lot lights still manage to illuminate the curve of his jaw and those shockingly blue eyes, and Dean feels his breath hitch involuntarily.

“You called for me,” Castiel says, when Dean doesn’t immediately speak. “Is everything okay?”

I wonder how much he heard.

Dean fights to keep his thoughts quiet, just in case Cas feels like using his angelic powers to figure out what he’s thinking about. There’s some stuff he definitely wants to keep to himself, but the rest of it…

It’s stuff he’s been turning over and over in his head for a while now. Obsessing over it and always circling back to his own confusion clearly isn’t doing him any good, so maybe…

Maybe he just needs to ask.

In that moment, he makes his decision, and he doesn’t give himself time to second guess it.

“I don’t… I don’t fucking get it, Cas,” he starts, running his fingers through his hair in frustration as everything he’s been feeling over the past few weeks comes bubbling up to the surface. “I don’t deserve any of this. I didn’t deserve to be saved from Hell, and I’m definitely not worth fighting Heaven over. Every time I need you, you’re always there, and I just don’t understand why.”

The last few words come out louder, harsher than he’d intended them to. They seem to ring out between them in the quiet of the night, and Dean swallows thickly. Already, he regrets his outburst…

And Cas is still just watching him with that same expression. Impassive. Unmoving.

The silence stretches out between them, and Dean has never been so aware of his own heartbeat, his own breath, as he is right now.

Just as he’s about to give up, as he’s about to say psych, it was all a joke!—

Cas moves.

He closes the distance between them in just a few steps, until he’s right in front of Dean, and usually he’d make a joke about personal space, but this feels… Different. Charged.

Castiel’s eyes are locked on his, powerful storms and entire worlds held within them. There’s no way Dean can look away.

“You are my Righteous Man,” Cas says quietly, and his voice is like the rumble of thunder and the movement of mountains. “I gave everything for you, and I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat.”

The weight of those words hangs between them. There’s so much unsaid in them, and Dean has never felt so close to and yet so far from discovering exactly how Cas feels about him.

He bites his bottom lip, trying not to think about just how close Cas is standing, and how he can basically feel the heat radiating off him.

Cas’s gaze flicks down to Dean’s lip, and in that moment, it feels like Dean’s heart stops. He’s holding his breath, his thoughts clamouring with the what if? of this one single moment.

He sways forward, just a touch, as though pulled by a magnet, and between one heartbeat and the next—

Cas disappears.

And Dean is left alone, standing in an empty parking lot with only his thoughts and the roiling emotions in his chest to keep him company.

[janicho88]

Colder Weather

Pairing-Dean x reader

Word count-2965

Summary-Dean has to keep leaving his girl behind for hunts. She wishes she was enough to make him stay, or even take her with him. Can she continue to wait and worry over him coming back? Will he realize he wants more than calls and texts before it’s too late, and all he’s left with is colder weather? 

AN- This is for @atc74​ Collab Challenge.  My song was Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band, Song lyrics are Bold and italicized.  This is unbeta’d all mistakes are mine. 

Rolling over in bed you tried to curl up closer to the man who was holding you tight when you fell asleep.  Not immediately feeling him, you extended your arm out and kept reaching, feeling cold sheets which had your eyes shooting open.  Quickly getting out of bed and hurrying to the window looking out at the still dark horizon.   You had wondered if your love was strong enough to make him stay, you’re answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane. Sitting back on the bed mind wandering to the day before, and the brief time you shared.

Standing in the kitchen putting groceries away you heard the front door open and close quickly before the winter lets the cold in,  over the music you had playing.  Grabbing the rolling pin sitting out, it was the closest weapon you had, and made your way around the corner as heavy footsteps came closer.  When you figured they were just about to walk past, you swung the rolling pin down to stop the intruder.  Your time was slightly off and the man jumped back.

“Son of a bitch!  What the hell are you doing woman!”

Hiding the rolling pin behind your back, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to calm your nerves before answering.  “I heard the door open and I knew it was locked so I thought someone was breaking in.  I was going to stop them.”  You finished the explanation quietly with a wince before finally meeting the deep green eyes staring back at you. 

“Did you really think that rolling pin was going to do much good?  And your timing sucks by the way, but at the moment I’m very glad.  We gotta get you a better weapon, Sweetheart.”  Dean just shook his head before he opened his arms to you.

Setting the rolling pin down you rushed into your boyfriend’s arms so happy to see him.  Your lips quickly find his, both of you getting lost in the other before the need for oxygen separated you.  “I wasn’t expecting you, and I didn’t hear the Impala pull up over the music.  I’ve missed you so much!  How long can you stay this time?”

“I wanted to surprise you, not sure I’ll be doing that again though.  Missed you too, Sweetheart.”  He hugged you a little tighter, but you noticed he never answered your last question. 

Dean, was a hunter you had met two years ago when he was working a case in town.  You were the bartender across the street from the motel they had been staying at.  Dean came in just about every night and the two of you would talk while he drank his whiskey or beer and tried to flirt with you.  It wasn’t too many of his visits in, when you put the pieces together and realized he was a hunter.  The disappearances in town were the reason for his presence.  You knew about the life, your dad had been a hunter before he tried to retire when he met your mom.  He wanted you to be aware of what was out there so you could protect yourself.

Your house had a spare room and a pull out couch so you offered them to Sam and Dean instead of staying at the motel any longer since their case seemed to be dragging out.  That case had gone on for two and half weeks before they finally ended the monster.  During that time you and Dean had grown closer, yes he even ended up in your bed.  After he left the two of you kept in touch by email, text and phone calls.  Anytime they were nearby, he deemed 200 miles away close, they would stop by.  Occasionally Dean would make the trip alone just because he wanted to see you.

  It took a few months of this, before the two of you admitted to each other you wanted to be more than just friends with benefits.  The thought of Dean possibly hooking up with someone else while on a hunt, always had you turning green with jealousy.  You both decided to give a long distance relationship a shot.  That had been a year and half ago, the only problem, the miles between you.  You had lived in Denver your whole life and before meeting Dean, never thought you would leave.  It hurt so much every time Dean walked out that door, you’d trade Colorado if he’d take you with him.”

Groaning in frustration you got out of bed once more, you needed to start your day, not dwell on the short time you shared with Dean before he left this morning. Heading to the kitchen for breakfast after your shower you found a note sitting on the counter.

Sweetheart,

I’m sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful.  We already had a hunt we were headed to, but I needed to see you first.  I dropped Sam at the motel in town before coming to you, promising him we’d get an early start.  We both know if I had woken you up to say goodbye, I wouldn’t have left like I should have.  

Call you soon.

Love,

Dean 

The only reason you looked peaceful was because he had been holding you.  His work was important, and you should be happy he even stopped by in the first place.  It was just so dang hard to watch him leave.  You never knew when he would be back, lately it seemed like there were more hunts keeping him away.  The little bit of time the guys weren’t hunting they were cleaning, fixing and taking care of themselves and their weapons at the bunker.  Or picking up whatever lore might help them with the current evil they were up against.  Sometimes though, you just wished your love for him was enough to keep him here but you knew that was wishful thinking on your part. 

Later that night, two states away Dean was sitting at a bar in Montana, nursing his second whiskey of the night thinking back at the girl he left behind.  It was never easy walking away from her, but he couldn’t get you, anymore involved in his life than you already were.  He had to keep you safe.  Paying his tab he left the bar to walk back to the motel and see if Sam found anything.  

Walking through the snow which winter in Montana left behind, Dean decided to call you. The colder weather reminded him of times with you in Denver.  Your phone went to voicemail, looking at the time he realized you would still be working the bar so he left you a message.  At Least he still got a chance to hear your voice, even if it was on a recording. 

It was just after two when you finally had everything cleaned, put away and the bar ready to be locked up for the night.   Walking quickly through the cold windy night you arrived at your car pulling out your phone as you got in. There was a missed call and a voicemail from Dean waiting for you. 

  “Hey Y/N, we made it to Montana, man I hated leaving you today.  I wanna see you again, but I’m stuck in colder weather.  Maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?  Love you Sweetheart, stay safe.”

It was your first instinct to call him back after listening to his message, but a quick glance at the time had you putting your phone away.  Dean should be asleep by now, and knowing him, his phone would still be on.  The man didn’t get much sleep as it was so you weren’t going to chance interrupting any that he was hopefully getting.  The last thing he should be is sleep deprived on a hunt.  You needed him to come back to you. 

The next day you were sitting in your kitchen picking at your cereal when you dialed Dean back.  Unfortunately for you, his phone also went to voicemail.  This slightly leaves you on edge, not knowing if he didn’t pick up because he was busy with something case related or if he was hurt and unable to answer.  You always worried about him and Sam when they were working. Leaving a voicemail for him, you hung up hoping to hear something from him soon.

Dean walked out of the coroners office with a laughing Sam, and his own head starting to pound.  They were trying to get answers from the doctor who had seen the three victims, but the receptionist proved to be a bit of a problem.  She kept trying to catch Dean’s eye and would interrupt the doctor who was explaining the injuries to them.  After a few minutes of fighting to hear over her, Sam guided the doctor to the other side of the room and left Dean to fend for himself.  He didn’t want to be rude in case they needed something from the office later on, so he tried to appear like he was happy to listen to her.  Man she was a talkative one.  Sliding into Baby, he picked up his phone he had forgotten on the seat.  ‘Damn’ he thought, awakening the screen he saw a missed call from Y/N.  Putting the phone to his ear he couldn’t wait to hear your voice.

“Hey De. I’m sorry I missed your call, I didn’t want to wake you by calling back when I left work.  As much as I hate you leaving me, Winchester, you’re a ramblin’ man and you ain’t ever gonna change.  You got a gypsy soul to blame, and you were born for leavin’.  I love you and be safe.  I’ll be here whenever you can come back.” 

He tried to call you back but missed you again, simply leaving a  voicemail saying he misses you, and would try back later.  The case dragged on for another two days, instead of driving back to Colorado, Sam found another case.  This one took the boys to northern Washington. 

Getting out of the car at the next motel Dean looked around and then up to the sky.  “If it keeps snowing like this we might be stuck here awhile.”  

Walking to the office to get a room he just shakes his head, because being stuck here is the last thing he wants.  He just wants to finish up and get back to Y/N.  The few hours he had with you last week weren’t long enough. 

This case was a bit tougher than the last, they had been in town for a week, the snow and wind were making it more difficult.  After spending the last two hours going through notes and reports  Dean hit up a 24 hour diner just to get out of the room.  He wasn’t feeling the bar tonight, always takes him back to how he met his girl, and makes him miss you even more.  He already needed to see you again as it was. 

Sitting at a table by the front window looking out, the night is black as the coffee he was drinkin.   When the waitress first walked over he had to do a double take, she reminded him of Y/N.  They had the same color hair, around the same height, and her eyes even had that familiar sparkle.  He thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him.  Taking out his phone he sees your smiling face on his screen, dialing that familiar number he once again gets your voicemail. 

Dashing through the heavy falling snow, which signaled the start of a big storm the local meteorologist had warned about, the only thought on your mind was to get out of the cold.  Sliding in your car you didn’t even think to check your phone before heading home from work.  When you were finally all secure in your house you finally realized you hadn’t looked at your phone all night.  There was a new voicemail from Dean waiting.

“Hey Sweetheart, just checking in.  I’m stuck in colder weather,  maybe tomorrow will be better. Soon we’ll be together, and I can’t wait till then. Love you.”

You hated that you two kept playing phone tag, nothing seemed to be working out for either of you lately.  His call was from over two hours ago, too late to call again. You wondered if this was how it would always be, him leaving you to go and fight the next big bad, the constant worry of him making it back.  Could you really handle being with this rambling man, or was it time to move on?

Finally finishing up the case in Washington the guys head out, the destination in Dean’s mind Colorado, until his phone rings.  Sam answers seeing it’s Garth, and Dean is battling the road.  He spends a few minutes talking to the other hunter,  and glancing at Dean occasionally.  Just before hanging up he tells Garth, “yeah, it’s fine.  Dean and I can handle it.”  Shooting Sam a glare Dean waits for his brother to tell him what they are ‘handling.’

“So there is a Vamp case near Boise, Idaho, Garth is up near Pennsylvania.  He can’t find another hunter to take it, and we are going through the state anyway.  I’m sorry, but there is no reason we shouldn’t take this case Dean.”

Dean has a pretty good reason, but he won’t tell his brother that.  He thinks of seeing his girl and shakes his head knowing they do need to work this case.  Sitting alone in Baby, a few hours later Dean closes his eyes and remembers the good times the two of you have shared together.  That’s been his way of coping since you two met, thinking of you can get him through anything.  Waiting for Sam to come out of the gas station he picks up his phone.  This time it didn’t even ring once before going to voicemail.  Thinking about it he hasn’t actually heard from her since he left the message at the diner.

Hi Sweetheart, just thinking about you.  When I close my eyes I see you no matter where I am.  We caught another case, but hopefully I can see you soon.  Miss you, love you.”

Thankfully, they finished up the vamp case in just a few days.  Dean told Sam there was no way they were taking another case until he checked on Y/N.  He hadn’t gotten an answer to any of his voicemails in days, and he was worried.  The last two text messages still went unread.  Was something wrong, or did he push away the best thing that ever happened to him. 

 They had to stop in Utah to get some sleep, Sam wouldn’t let Dean keep going once Baby started swerving.  “You are no good if you kill us trying to get to her. Get a couple hours sleep, shower then you can see her tomorrow.”

Dean reluctantly gave in, the snow was making the drive longer than it should have taken anyway.

Pulling up to her house the next day everything was dark.  Dean got out of the car, using his key he let the two of them in.  Something wasn’t right here.  No one was there, the power was off, the bag you use for travel was gone along with some of your favorite things.  

“It’s as cold in here as outside, Dean.”  Sam said to him, “Something’s up.”

Dean looked for sulfur or signs of a struggle and found nothing.  Did she leave to get away from me, he wondered?  He was standing in the living room with Sam when he heard the front door open.

“Dean? Are you here?”  You walked into your house looking around for one or both Winchesters.  Walking into the living room you found them.

“What happened to your house?”

“What do you mean?”  Looking around you didn’t see anything wrong.

“Were you leaving, everything’s off.  Even your heat. You haven’t answered me in days.”

“Um, did you notice driving here that there is no power in most of the town?  We had a major snow and ice storm last week.  It lasted a couple days, they only started getting to repairs yesterday.  Took out some of the cell towers too.  I’ve been staying at a friend's. They have a fireplace for heat, and got the generator running today. I came home for my phone charger, and to check on the place.”

Walking over to pull you into his arms, Dean holds you tight filled with relief to have you here.  “I was too busy thinking of getting to you, to notice anything else.  I love you, but I leave you.  I don’t want you, but I need you.  I’m a ramblin man and I ain’t ever gonna change.  I got a gypsy soul to blame, and I was born for leaving, but baby I don’t want to leave you anymore.  You know it’s you that calls me back here baby.  Come back to the bunker, move in with me. I don’t want to leave you behind anymore. 

“I thought you would never ask, Dean.  I would have traded all this to be with you more a long time ago.  Are you going to help me pack?”

Leaning down to softly meet your lips with his own he takes his time kissing you before answering.  “Anything to get you home with me quicker.  We can even take your rolling pin, I can teach you what it’s really meant for.  Pie crusts.”

The cold weather swirling outside didn’t stand a chance against the heat building between the two of you.

Thank you for reading!

Tags-  @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @deanwanddamons​ @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002

[spn-supernatural-fanpage]

Baby Don't Cry ~ Castiel x Daughter!Child!Reader BONUS: Destiel

Song:

Pairing(s): Castiel x Daughter!Child!Reader, Castiel x Dean

Summary: You're Castiel's two year old daughter. You're not overly fond of Dean. Cas had you take a nap and he sings you to sleep. After your nap Dean is determined to make you like him

Warnings: None

Word count: 948

Your mother died when you were born about two and years ago. You've stayed with you're father, Jack, and the Winchesters, including Mary.

Cas is on a supply run, Mary is the kitchen, Dean is in his cave, and you, Jack, and are in the library. You're sitting on Jack's lap as he reads. You hear the door open and Cas walks in hold a bunch of bags. He puts them in the kitchen and walks back into the library. Dean comes walking down the hallway. He sees Cas and immediately walks toward him. "Hey, babe."

"Hello," Cas responds and walks toward Dean.

You jump off of Jack's lap, "Daddy!" You yell and run towards Cas. He immediately turns around and picks you up and kisses your cheek.

"Hi, Honeybunch. I missed you." He says and holds you tight.

Dean walks toward Cas and leaned in to kiss him but you push him away. "No! My daddy!"

"Sharing is caring." Dean argues.

"No care about you!" You say and bury your face in Cas's shoulder.

"Ouch." Dean says and puts his hand over is heart.

Sam stifles a laugh.

"Stop laughing Sammy." Dean says.

"Sorry but you just got told off by a two year old." Sam bursts out laughing.

"It's almost nap time, Honeybunch." Cas say.

"No! Don't wanna take nap." You pout.

"You have to." Cas says.

"You just wanna kiss Dean!" You complain

"Well yeah, he's my boyfriend." Cas states.

"Don't like him." You say.

"Why don't you like him?" Your dad asks.

"Don't like sharing!" You pout.

"Sharing is care!" Dean yells as he walk down the hallway.

"No it not!" You yell.

"Naptime, Honeybunch." Cas says.

"Fine." You yawn.

He carries you to your room and tucks you in bed. He kneels beside your bed. Then whenever it's naptime or bedtime her sings you to sleep. He usually sings Baby Don't Cry by Jamey Johnson.

He starts singing "The three little pigs have done built up their home's snd the wolf's been chased from the door. And little Bo Peep has done found all her sheep and now she ain't lonely no more. And the monsters ain't under your bed, it's time to lay down your head." He has an amazing singing voice. He's been told multiple times that he's the best singer of all the angels. "But baby don't cry, your never alone. When you need your daddy, just pick up the phone. And I'll fly as fast as I can and I'll hold your hand. And I'll make you smile again but baby don't cry."

He doesn't singing in front of people often but he will sing to you. He baby girl. "The princess is waiting for the prince to ride in and scare all the dragons away but she's stuck in that castle as you close your eyes and drift off to that fairytale place. So pretend I'm right there by your side and we'll save the princess tonight." He loves you more then anything and would never give you up for anything. He puts you before everything and everyone. If you're not safe he's not going anywhere. "But baby don't cry, your never alone. When you need your daddy just pick up the phone and I'll fly as fast as I can. And I'll hold your hand and I'll make you smile again but baby don't cry. Baby don't cry. Baby don't cry. Baby don't cry." He smiles at your sleeping then stands up and turns toward the door to see Dean leaning on the doorframe.

Cas walks up to him and presses his lips to Dean's. "You're a great father, Cas." Dean says as he pulls away.

"I just want to best for my daughter. I grew up without a dad, so I'm going to be the best one I can be." Cas says and buries his face in Dean's chest.

"I wish she liked me." Dean says.

"She does." Cas replies, "You just have to hang out with her when I'm not there. If you try to spend time with both us she's going to think that you're trying to take me away from her."

"Ok, I guess we could watch TV in the Dean Cave together." Dean suggests.

"Yes, she would love that." Castiel agree. "You should show her Scooby Doo. I'm sure she'll love it."

~~~~~~~~~

Two hours have passed, you wake up from your nap. You walk out of your room and to your dad's room but he's not there so you go to Jack's. You find him sitting on his bed strolling through TikTok.

"Jack." You say and he looks up at you.

"Hey Y/n." Jack responds and pats the bed beside him. You sit next to him and cuddle into his side. A few minutes later Dean walks in.

"Hey, Jack have you see-" He starts but ends when he realizes that your right there. He is looking for you. "Y/n there you are. There's something I want to show you."

"What?" You ask.

"A tv show."

"Ok." You get up and follow him. He leads you to the Dean Cave. There is a bowl of candy and another full of popcornYou sit in one chair and he sits in the other.

After an hour of watching Scooby Doo and eating candy and popcorn, you get up and walk over to Dean and sit on his lap. You cuddle up on him. Fifteen minutes later Cas walks in and sits in the other chair. You didn't even notice that he was there. Scooby Doo was you new favorite show.

From this day on you cuddle with Dean and watch Scooby Doo.

[padme-parker]

no regrets [AU!Anakin Skywalker x Reader]

Summary: You leave Anakin, only a letter in your place.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: some swear words I think, angst, mentions of cancer, some fluff if you look hard enough, this is pretty fucking cliche btw!

A/N: so I was listening to Lewis Capaldi’s discography and that shit was so sad. Like all of his songs are so fucking sad that it inspired me to write this. Mainly the songs: “Forever”, “Fade.”, “Before You Go.” and “Headspace.” (I highly suggest listening to his songs while ur reading!) along with a handful of songs I was listening to while writing this. Also this is my first time uploading my writing so forgive me if it's all over the place. I was just excited to write this lol.

The thumping of the bass made his ears ring, that’s the first thing Anakin noticed when he got home. He was totally and completely shitfaced, drunk out of his mind. The next thing he noticed was the deafening silence. Sure, it was midnight but he knew how much of a night owl you were. He also knew how much you loved to paint at night, a slight breeze from the open window, and music quietly playing in the background. Loud enough just to be heard by the two of you, quiet enough so he could hear the stroke of your brush against the canvas. Oftentimes he would come up behind you, lightly grasping your hips and began to sway along to the music. And some nights he would just sit back and watch you. However tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight would be different, and the next night, and the night after that. Anakin walked towards the bedroom, careful not to wake you just in case you were asleep. When he walked into the room, his eyes immediately searched for you, but landed upon emptiness, that’s when it caught his attention. The last thing he noticed was the envelope placed upon his pillow. 

Grasping the envelope, Anakin took out its content. It was a letter, just for his eyes.

Dear Anakin,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Believe me, I wish I could’ve done this in person but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As I write this letter, you’ll be out celebrating with Obi Wan and Padme. Enjoying life, that’s what you should be doing. And I know it must be shitty to come home to this, but I just couldn’t leave while you were still here. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. But you deserve to know this.

The truth is, I don’t love you anymore, Anakin. I’m not sure when I fell out of love with you, but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay and drag you down with me. Sometimes I wonder how we got here, how I got us here. Then I remembered why, him. In the past six months I met someone else. At first we were just friends. But there was something between us, a connection. The second I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, there you were. Anakin, you were- and still are my world, but he’s my whole fucking universe. Without him I feel like I’d cease to exist. Each day, the more I fell in love with him, the more I fell out of love with you. Until one day, I came to my senses and realized what the hell I was doing. All those days I spent with him, coming home late at night, you never questioned me. Stars Anakin, I’m so sorry I took advantage of your trust. I never thought we’d end up like this. I never thought this would happen.

You deserve to be happy. But we both know that’s not something I can give you. You deserve to be able to move on without ever having to see me again. That’s why I’ve decided to leave. Not just move out of the apartment, or town, but move out of state altogether. Please don’t come looking for me.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Anakin, I love you so much, but we’re just not meant to be. You were my epic love, not my soulmate. But remember, you’re still someone who had a huge impact on my life. I don’t think I could ever forget you, nor do I think that I want to. I know that even on my deathbed, I’ll be thinking of you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N

P.S. take the time you need Anakin, but don’t get hung up on me. There are people out there who love you, you just don’t see it yet.

He let out a sharp breath, dropping the letter, and began to sob. For the next hour, all he could do was cry. He struggled to breathe, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Was I not enough? He wanted to scream, but chose not to, sparing his neighbors from hearing his sorrows. Anakin was spiraling, he was heaving now. Struggling to breathe he crawled out of his room and into the living room. Your painting materials still left in the corner, easel propped up, and miscellaneous pieces of art scattered across his home.

Anakin couldn’t escape from you, you were unknowingly ripping the air out of his lungs. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of you. It was ironic really, how was he supposed to move on if he had to see everything that reminded him of you.

-

A couple of years passed since you disappeared from Anakin’s life. He had moved on but deep down inside he never really did recover. He was sad at first, but then became angry. How could you use him like this? But of course, like you promised, there were people there for him. Obi Wan and Padme had always been there for him, especially Padme. She was the first one to check up on him when he wasn’t returning their calls. The first to get him to stop crying, the first to cheer him up, the first to get him to go out again, and the first person to say “I love you.” since you’d left. Anakin had felt like he was betraying you, he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t you, but then he remembered what you did and said. He had the right to move on with someone else.

When Anakin felt like he was ready, six month after your breakup, he asked Padme to be his girlfriend. A year and a half later, he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. Nine months later, they welcomed their twins into the world.

Both Obi Wan and Padme had been there by his side, along with Dean. He met Dean at the bar, both of them looking like shit. It started with a simple nod, then their small group of three now had four people. Dean became close to Obi Wan and Padme too, helping Anakin to return to his life before you left. It was going well until today.

Anakin moved out of his old apartment a long time ago. He donated most of your belongings and sold your paintings. Except for one. It was a painting that the two of you had created together. A minimal black outline of your silhouettes from your favorite photo together. Simple, but it had meaning to it. The picture itself was taken at a party, a drink in your hand while Anakins was thrown over your shoulder. You were smiling at the camera, drink aimed towards it. However, Anakin was looking at you, a big goofy smile on his face. If there was one memory of you he wanted to keep, it was that one. So instead of selling the painting, he kept it. Obviously he didn’t hang it up, instead he kept in it buried deep inside his closet. Only taking it out whenever he really missed you.

Even though he kept the painting, every aspect of you was completely erased. It’s like you never existed to him. Instead of lining the halls with pictures of the two of you, they were filled with pictures of Anakin and Padme. A small polaroid of them on their first date. A picture at the bar of Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Dean. A bunch of wedding pictures. And finally, pictures of his family. He’d memorized every corner of his new home, never wanting to forget about it because he knew at any given moment, his life could be ripped from his fingers. Everything had been ingrained into his memory, from the toys scattered across the floor to the pristine kitchen. Where Padme was currently making dinner, “Hey Ani, you’ve got some mail, I put it on the table.” He walked towards the table and picked up the envelope, he could recognize your handwriting. Anakin felt like the world was playing a sick joke on him, after all these years, why would you write back now?

“Hey Padme, I’m gonna go change real quick.” He didn’t wait for Padme’s reply before he ran off to his closet, he knew he needed to be alone when he read its contents. Locking the door, he ripped open the envelope and took out your letter.

Anakin,

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but you deserve to know the truth. The real reason as to why I left. By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Remember how I told you that I had met someone new? That was a lie. In those six month, I was at multiple doctors' offices getting tested. I knew something was wrong with me but none of the doctors could tell me why. Until one was able to. I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, the chances of me surviving were low. That’s why I left.

Anakin’s eyes went wide, the paper shaking in his hands. “Cancer… she has..” he whispered to himself, he could feel the tears starting to roll down his face. All this time, he hated her for something she never did.

I knew how much you wanted to have a family, and it was something I wanted to give you. But when I found out that I couldn’t do that, I knew you’d be crushed. This was something we both had dreamed of. It was easier for me to make up a lie. I wouldn’t allow myself to put the both of us through this pain. You shouldn’t have to bear my burdens. I wasn’t going to let you waste your life away trying to take care of me. So I hid the truth from you and left like a coward. Understand that I needed you to hate me, Anakin. That you wouldn’t come looking for me or just expect me to come back one day. Even though I did want to come back, I had to hold myself back. I knew you were going to move on eventually.

Do you remember the guy I was talking about? The one who I was so “madly in love with” that I left you? Yeah, well his name is Dean, He’s one of the nurses who was taking care of me during those six months, and for the past couple years he’s been my eyes. Anakin, I never fell out of love with you. Even as I lay on my deathbed, you’re all I can think about.

Dean says that you’ve moved on and married Padme. I’m going to be honest, at first I was shocked and a little sad. But then I remembered why I did this in the first place. Anakin, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Even when we were still together I could tell how much love she had for you. She didn’t act on her feelings because I was still there, which I’m grateful for. But once I left, she saw the opportunity to comfort you, so she did. You looked at me like I was your whole world, but Padme, she looks at you like your her whole damn universe. Truth is, you weren’t my world, you’re my fucking universe Anakin, even if you don’t know it. You weren’t just my epic love, to me, you were my soulmate. But you and Padme? The two of you are soulmates, made for eachother. Dean has shown me pictures of the two of you. I’ve never seen you so happy, even when we were together. I know she brings out a side of you that I was never able to.

There was a point where I was getting better and I wanted to come back. To apologize and maybe try again, but Dean advised against doing so. At that moment in time, you had just proposed to Padme. Who was I to come back into your life just to take away your happiness? So I watched from afar. I watched as you went on with your life and completely forgot about me. And I did it with a smile on my face, because you were happy. Anakin, simply knowing that you were happy and content with your life made me happy, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. For a while, I was better. Then it got worse, my cancer got more aggressive. From there, I was condemned in my own home.

As the months went on, I got more sick and closer to death. After your wedding, Dean came over to my place and showed me videos of you and Padme. I couldn’t help but let out a few tears, you were getting everything you wanted. I really wish I could’ve been there to see you, Ani, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your wedding. I was so ecstatic for you when I’d heard that you were having a child! Twins nonetheless, you must’ve been radiating joy. I really am happy for you Anakin. I only wanted the best for you.

Do you remember the night on the rooftop? You cooked dinner for us on our two year anniversary. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. Do you also remember what we promised to each other? “No regrets.” As simple as it was, I broke our promise, Ani. I regret not telling you. I regret leaving you. I regret ever hurting you. Anakin, I am deeply sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Do you regret not looking for me?

Anakin stopped reading for a second to think, did he regret how things played out? He wiped his tears before continuing,

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to stay with you, Anakin, but I couldn’t let myself. I hope the universe will continue giving you what you want, because you deserve it, Ani. You deserve to be happy.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

P.S. somewhere across the stars and galaxies, I’ll be watching over you. I’ll always be with you.

Anakin dropped to the floor, the letter along with him. Muffled sobs could be heard on the other side of the door, but Padme was too preoccupied to hear. Why didn’t I go after her? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I notice? He asked himself. The truth was that Anakin did regret not going after you, he regretted not trying to get closure from you. Because he knew that if he had gone after you, you would’ve told him the truth. He knew you would tell him the truth because he knew that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him. That’s why you left, only leaving a letter behind. And he knew if you told him the truth, he would have forgiven you. He would’ve spent the rest of his life, right next to you. Making sure you were alright. Anakin knew he would’ve taken you back in a heartbeat, because he still loves you. Even after you falsely broke his heart and left him, his love for you outweighed the hate he felt.

He got up somberly walking towards the hidden painting. He took it into his hands along with another object. He sat back down, now clutching the memory to his chest. His heart felt heavy, but nothing felt heavier than the small black velvet box resting upon his grasp.

“No regrets, huh?”

.

(A/N): Okay so I know that the goodbye letter is all over the place, but if I was writing a letter to someone I love, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to process properly. So forgive me if some of it seemed random, I’m still new to this stuff. I also feel like this is very cliche but when I heard Forever, my mind was immediately like “omg this song is good inspo for a sad fic.” I also feel like I should’ve added more flashbacks but I’m not sure where they would’ve been placed.... anyways I hope you enjoyed it :)

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and dating Dean Portman

(Not my gif)(requested by @rschelberry )

- You saw Dean before you met him. You were stood off to the side watching the new recruits when he first came out onto the ice. You watched apprehensively as he threw people down and made an interesting first impression. He was entertaining that’s for sure.

- You; just like the other ducks, were unsure of the newcomers and not so keen on sharing the ice with a bunch of strangers. But you stayed back when they went to argue with each other knowing that nothing you said or did would change the predicament you were in.

- Dean “first saw you” or rather first paid attention to you when you smoothly skated over as Bombay and Tibbles spoke. You shared looks with your fellow teammates while he caught his first glimpse of your face and what a face it was.

- It wasn’t until later that you spoke to him for the first time. It was right after Les tried to ask about his tattoo that you stepped in, stretching out a hand and introducing yourself. He put on his best tough guy face and gave your hand a firm shake.

“Enforcer huh?”

“Mhm.”

“Well I’m a left wing so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other. Welcome to the team Portman.” You said as nonchalantly as you could while you walked away. Oh he liked you.

- Like Fulton said: “Deans not scared of anything” and once he’s set his eyes on something he’s going to find a way to get it. You just happen to be that something.

- At first he just watches you a lot especially when the team isn’t exactly a “team”. Your fellow Ducks don’t take too kindly to the brutes infatuation. They glare at him and warn you to stay away from him, often purposefully trying to block you from view.

- When (and before) the team starts to bond you notice that Dean acts differently around you or at least to you. He’s nicer, slightly quieter, and more helpful. There’s definitely a visible difference between how he treats you and everyone else.

- You two are on friendly terms before anyone else which slightly irritates the Ducks. They don’t want you around him, much like an older sibling/parent doesnt want you around a “bad influence”. They don’t trust him.

- But, it’s only when everyone’s on good terms that he actively starts to pursue you. One day things just sort of … change? He starts flirting with you which throws you for a loop; you think he’s just kidding at first but then you realize he’s being serious. You’re confused but at the same time you…sorta like it?

- His flirting consists of teasing you, twirling your hair, complimenting you, flexing and winking when he catches you looking at him. And you let it go on for a while because it makes you feel good and you kinda like him back until one day he decides it’s time to confess.

- You’re hanging out with him in your room and he’s messing around with your stuff while you do your homework. You’re both just in a comfortable silence until he speaks.

“Hey y/n/n?”

“Mhm.”

“What would you say if I told you I loved you?” You sort of freeze as you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

“Well I don’t know,” you smile. “Why? Is there something you want to tell me?”

- He looks at you and shakes his head with a smile. “Y/n y/l/n I am completely, madly in love with you.”

“Well Dean Portman, it’s a good thing I’m in love with you as well.”

- He nearly tackles you onto your bed before the two of you share your first kiss. The whole time you’re thinking that any minute now you’ll wake up but you don’t and you open your eyes again to find him staring back at you with a smile.

- Technically that was your first date but you don’t really count it as such. No, your first date was at a theme park. He bought both of you tickets and the two of you had a blast screaming your lungs out on roller coasters. He even won you a prize on one of the games they had which you still have sitting on your bed to this day.

- After he won you the prize he asks if he’s “won your heart too” and you guess he really has because the two of you have been together ever since.

- He’s honestly the sweetest guy you’ve ever met. Behind his tough exterior he has a heart of gold.

- Soo many pet names. Babe, baby, honey, sweetie, angel; he rarely ever says your name.

- You call him your/a big teddy bear and he never outright denies it even though he has his bad boy reputation to keep up.

- The instant you seem even the slightest bit sad he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong and getting all soft on you. This boy turns into the human embodiment of comfort. His voice softens, he hugs you, kisses your forehead, listens intently, just everything and anything you could ever want when you’re upset.

- He scares off anyone that annoys you. You don’t even have to say anything, he just senses your impatience/discomfort and acts.

- You think you’ve seen protective, you’ve seen nothing yet. If he even hears about someone bothering you he’s immediately ready to kick ass. He offers to fight them which you laugh at but he’s only slightly kidding.

- It’s a good thing it’s sort of his job to take care of you on the ice because he’s constantly making sure no one gets to you and putting people who knock you down in their place.

- He’s like a moderate to severe on the jealous scale. If there’s a real reason to be jealous then he’ll get jealous (and will probably take it up with the guy). But if there’s really no reason to be he won’t be, like when you’re being platonic with a guy friend or just talking to a guy at lunch.

- He’s well aware that he’s good looking and…athletic; especially for his age, so he isn’t really all that worried about you running off with someone else. Just his appearance alone keeps people away from you, let alone his reputation. It’s rare that a guy is genuinely flirting with you.

- And regardless the both of you make it obvious that you’re only interested in each other which means you don’t have to worry about any girls getting to him either.

- He’s a cuddle bug; he can’t last a day without cuddling. He’ll always deny it but time and time again he’s the one pulling you onto the bed. Doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter when; he’ll find a way to cuddle you.

- Tracing his tattoo.

- Sitting on his lap.

- Straddling his stomach while he runs his hands up and down your thighs.

- Makeout sessions while listening to rock music. He’s probably made a makeout mixtape for the two of you.

- He just loves making you mixtapes. He’s genuinely spent hours making you; what he thinks is, the perfect mixtape.

- Dancing and yelling out the lyrics to your favorite songs together.

- Doing stupid reckless shit together.

- I’m convinced that he’s the type of guy who buys cheap glass/porcelain and invites you over to smash it with him.

- He always makes sure he’s next to you when you’re sitting with the team on the benches or hanging out with friends.

- Obviously being really close to Fulton. He never minds being a third wheel or having you tag along on “bro nights”.

- The two of you share looks at each other constantly. Someone does something stupid or weird you’re immediately giving each other side eyes and looking to see if the other person saw.

- Bear hugs.

- He’s always touching you in someway. Arm over your shoulders, hand on your waist, hugging you from behind, etc, etc.

- Swatting his hands away when he tries to touch your butt.

- Ice cream and fast food dates.

- Taking long walks together. Sometimes you find something to do along the way, other times you just enjoy each other’s company.

- Having your own handshake.

- Matching bandannas? Matching bandannas.

- Wearing his clothes even though they’re huge on you.

- He always loves when you wear his old jersey. He just can’t stop staring at you and smiling whenever you have it on.

- Giving each other pep talks and having little pre game rituals.

- Calming him down when refs make a harsh or ridiculous call. It’s honestly pretty easy since the moment he sees you he just naturally calms. He’s a big tough guy but he was raised right and that means no taking your anger out on others and not taking things too seriously.

- Even though he’s a total macho man he loves when you take care of/baby him. Want to bandage the tiny cut he got on his hand? Be his guest; he’ll subtly play up the pain just to get an extra “Aw” and a kiss.

- Beach dates.

- Theme park, carnival and amusement park dates; just places with that general chaotic aura.

- Bowling dates.

- He always carries your things for you. Doesn’t matter how light, doesn’t matter how heavy, he’s taking it.

- He likes to pick you up at random. Just throws you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes or lifts you off the ground and places you a foot or so away from where you were previously standing. He feels very satisfied when you shriek in surprise, lightly smack him on the arm or break out laughing.

- He constantly tries to flex and show off in front of you. …yummy….

- He takes great pride in making you flustered.

- He likes teasing you in any way he can. Holding something over his head, tickling you, straight up (playfully) making fun of you, all that good shit.

- Soo many compliments and ‘I love yous’. He wants you to know that you’re his world goddamnit!

- He genuinely cannot wait you make you Mrs. Portman and will tell it to your face.

[kerikaaria]

Borahae Slimes Haul #4!

Oh hey look at me doing this within a more timely fashion than the others haha. I ordered every slime from this restock, so get ready for a really long one!

LOOK AT ALL THAT STUFF! All seven slimes: What’s Your Dream, The Most Beautiful Moment In Life, Lost in a Maze, U Wrong Me Right Ddaeng, Shine Dream Smile, Beautiful Prison, and Not Seven With You. Plus EXTRA candies and goodies because Dean went all out for the anniversary, the photocards and stickers, a thank you card and even a recommended playlist of a bunch of BTS’ most-loved songs over the years! To say I was excited to dig in is an understatement! I was in the middle of getting ready to move (in less than a week at the time I got the package) but I couldn’t help but get into these gorgeous slimes immediately!

As always, you can check out the Instagram (BorahaeSlimes) or blog (@borahaeslimes) for updates! Items are on sale on the Etsy shop by the same name whenever a new restock is up. Dean has been selling out INSTANTLY so be ready to buy at launch to make sure you don’t miss out on the slimes you want! And of course, if you are 18 or older, Dean writes some really awesome mxm fics over at @eternalseokjin​! Alright, time to get into the slimes!

Also, I’M SORRY I can’t make the pictures side by side.... I tried editing on mobile to do that but tumblr is dumb and keeps giving me an error and not making the changes v.v

What’s Your Dream

What’s Your Dream is based off of BTS’ debut song, No More Dream. It smells very much of a teenage boy who loves his cologne a little too much (kudos to Dean for making it a smell I can enjoy even though I usually hate cologne smells XD). The bingsu and little crystals give it a lovely texture. Even if I don’t have too much to say about some of the slimes, they’re all really great! 

The Most Beautiful Moment In Life

The Most Beautiful Moment In Life is of course inspired by the albums of the same name, and the storyline they started. I had to ask Dean how what I was supposed to do with a “jelly float” slime because I was confused lol. It was kinda cool to see the gray slime just float inside of the clear red before mixing it :) When mixed, it’s still very much a red color, just a little deeper and less clear. The smell is kind of confusing to explain. Dean describes it as “the grey city streets and the sweetness of dying youth.” It does have a bit of an underlying sweetness to the smell, and I think the other part is reminding me of an incense? Overall a very unique and pleasing smell! (Also the charms were perfect and I love the lollipops!)

Lost in a Maze

Lost in a Maze is based off of Young Forever and is a basic slime with a mini fence and some feathers for accessories. I didn’t dare let those feathers anywhere near the slime (lol), but the items certainly match the song! The smell is very soft and refreshing, so it’s a great slime for someone who wants something simple!

U Wrong, Me Right, Ddaeng

This slime was one of the ones I enjoyed the most! U Wrong, Me Right, Ddaeng is based on Ddaeng and is one of his more intricate slimes. The overall texture is so nice and the little pops of color still show through the black really easily even after being fully mixed. The smell is kind of musky. Definitely similar to an incense but personally it reminds me of some of my family’s birthday and holiday parties growing up. I had some relatives who smoked a lot and kept their house completely closed off so those smells would kinda just stick around... That sounds really gross but I promise this scent is a much cleaner smell! The slight muskiness to it just reminds me of that. :)

Shine, Dream, Smile

Shine, Dream, Smile is GORGEOUS. LOOK AT HER. SO BEAUTIFUL. So much glitter and sequins and just uuuggghhhh I love it! Definitely very fitting for a slime based on Mikrokosmos! The purple is so pretty while staying very clear, and it has a very clean, light smell that just puts a smile on my face.

Beautiful Prison

Next up is Beautiful Prison, inspired by ON. When I tell you I had a mini freak out when I saw the state that my slime came in.... It was by no fault of Dean’s! But the clay topper settled a tiny bit into the slime and there was a thin layer of slime covering it. I was so worried! But then I started to very lightly scratch at it and I luckily was able to uncover the topper good enough to get some good pics! When I say that cracking the clay topper is satisfying, I mean it. I’m not a fan of ASMR (it gives me the wrong kind of shivers, more like the kind you get from nails scratching a chalkboard lol), but those little cracking sounds were so satisfying to hear even as I felt bad for destroying that beautiful piece of art. It’s hard to describe the scent, but it is a soft, kind of nature-like smell and I really like it!

Not Seven With You

The SHOWSTOPPER of the release! Not Seven With You is of course, based on We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal and it is AMAZING! So much detail and thought went into this beauty! I was SO upset when the slime was too sticky (because it was HOT that week) when I took it out to put the clay checkboard in the bottom because that meant I’d have to let it sit overnight for the bubbles to come out. But I patiently waited until it was clear enough to get a decent picture. Not perfect, but that’s because I was just too excited to finish playing with it the next morning!

The cloud slimes that come with it provide the lilac and lily scents, and it smells so soft and beautiful! I took my time to play around with it before fully mixing. It’s just so pretty!

When I finally took all the slime out and began to mix, I felt bad for ruining that clay (once again lol) and would have missed the cloud slime texture if I didn’t get some more cloud slime as the free extra! It looked really cool and marbled as I mixed it, so of course I took another picture of that. The ending color is a purple-tinted grey because the black from the checkerboard is just too overpowering. But you’re left with a TON of slime and it’s such an AWESOME texture! I seriously adore it! It’s soft and smooth from the clay, and also airy from the cloud slimes. Kind of like a butter slime, but lighter and softer! This slime was SO AMAZING! My only regret is that I can’t undo the mixing to play with all the individual parts again lol.

Extra Slime

For the extra slime, Dean gave me a white little cloud slime that smells sweet, kind of like bubblegum! I love playing with it because I adore the soft, fluffy texture of cloud slime now that I’ve had a taste of it!

So that’s it! Another AMAZING release from the one and only Dean! Check out the shop on Instagram or here on tumblr for updates when new releases will be coming so you can be sure to get some of his amazing slimes next time! 

Also, here’s a bonus. As I mentioned at the beginning, I recently moved. And I got some shelves set up to proudly display all the slimes I’ve gotten from Dean. Here’s a picture of that!

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Hola Mishamigos! It’s Friday and I am here with more nonsense from my SPN rewatch - dudes, we are all SLEEPING on Season 11, in both good and bad ways.  There is so much in just the first trifecta of “Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire;” “Form and Void;” and “Bad Seed” (since “Baby” deserves her own analysis) -  so come relive my rewatch with me.  This is a summary of some things that stood out for me (few are analysis, most are clowning; basically this is a pared down live tweet - you’re welcome/I'm sorry); copy/paste from the script is included with my own emphasis:

OUT OF THE DARKNESS INTO THE FIRE [11x01]

-There’s lots more to this episode, but really this is the most important and relevant part (also it’s too soon and I am offended, damaged, attacked and hurt) -

DEAN: Yeah, whoa. All right, take -- take it easy, okay?  (gesturing to the deputy’s wound) Bad guys?

JENNA: Rebar. I sought cover. I fell.

***LIKE EXCUSE ME, but what in the actual fuck.  Did they just decide to pull that from the episode four years later to emotionally traumatize us in the subsequent rewatches? I know it’s probably coincidence but my sad soul has not recovered *enough* for rebar’s first SPN appearance to be right now in this moment when I am blissfully 5 entire seasons away from the dead end in the road.

- The only other important part of this episode - when Dean takes the call from Cas privately first before putting it on speaker for Sam, and something about this exchange is so endearing-

(Dean’s phone rings) 

DEAN: Where the hell are you, Cas?

(The scene flips between Sam and Dean at the hospital, and Castiel in the woods.)

CASTIEL: I'm...I'm okay.

DEAN: You don't sound okay.

CASTIEL: Dean, I am fine. Besides, what I have, you can't help me.

DEAN: What do you mean, what you have?

CASTIEL: Just please tell Sam -- Rowena escaped with the Book of the Damned and the codex.

DEAN: Okay, forget Rowena. Where are you?

CASTIEL: Now, you tell me -- the Mark . . .

DEAN: Oh, really? You're worried about me after everything that I’ve --

CASTIEL: Dean, is it gone?

DEAN: Yes. I'm good. I mean, I'm not great.

CASTIEL: Makes two of us.  (Dean puts Cas on speakerphone) This is good news.

SAM: Hey, Cas.

CASTIEL: Sam.

***It’s just so poignant that Dean wanted privacy for the first minutes of that call, probably because he is still haunted about the beating he gave Cas in 10 and *other things,* and Cas is literally being torn apart by Rowena’s curse but he only cares about Dean getting rid of the Mark, and the world is ending but Dean only cares about Cas and where he is -  honestly this scene - I’m - 

***Further thoughts on the Animal Curse/Cas/Dean below under 11x03

FORM AND VOID [11x02]

(love the Genesis call back to this verse in the title - “And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.”)

-speaking of emotional trauma, this fucking shit again -

JENNA: Yeah. I pretty much grew up here. Learned to ride my bike down the road. Had my first kiss at that blue house over there. Lost my virginity up there (pointing to different house).

DEAN: I'll bet blue house was pissed.

JENNA: She was. (handing Amara to Dean) Do you mind?

***This frustrated/disappointed/angered/saddened me to NO END despite already knowing that it happens constantly on the show, because what was the reason?! Did they have to point out that she had a female love interest for this brief moment just to turn her evil and kill her off?  There was no need to include this detail.  It’s either blatant homophobia or willful ignorance (so also blatant homophobia) that this is what representation means.  I won’t go on because obviously we are aware of this and much has already been said/written about it, but still, fuck this.

-we meet Billie and there is more “FORESHADOWING”-

QUEEN IS SINGING “OH DEATH” aka Death’s entrance song from Season 5 and I am BLOWN AWAY by this almost as much as her amazing voice - like did they know at this point she would become the new Death season later? DID THEY KNOW? I need answers.

Seriously, go listen to it immediately; bask in its glory:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFOm5i6b56o

We also get our first mention of the Empty, so that’s cute that they referenced both Dean’s and Cas’s Season 15 ‘demises’ in the same episode (it’s not cute really and I am crying again now) ->

BILLIE: You and Dean . . . Dying and coming back again and again. The old death thought it was funny. But now there's one hard, fast rule in this universe. What lives . . . dies. So the next time you or your brother bite it, well, you're not going to Heaven . . . Or Hell. One of us -- and, Lord, I hope it's me -- we're gonna make a mistake and toss you out into the Empty. And nothing comes back from that. I know you're dying. I can feel it. You're unclean in the biblical sense. So I'll be seeing you again, Sam . . . Seeing you real soon. Name's Billie, by the way.

-another reason for me to continue denying the flaming trash heap that they tried to call the series finale-

Sam is dying here because he has been infected by the Darkness-vein-animal-exploding-people-plague so he goes to pray about it 

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

**DABB WROTE THIS F-ING EPISODE.  How are you going to write Dean deserves a life here to just do what you did Dabb.  Don’t get me started on my feelings about this scene in the dark depths of my finale-denying soul.   DEAN DESERVES BETTER INDEED, SEASON 11 SAM. 

To rub salt in this particular wound, they show us THE cutest scenes of Dean with this damn baby so we can have feelings about how great of a parent he could be (also I ADORE that whenever Jared, Jensen, or Misha have scenes in later seasons with young children/babies it is SO clear they slip into their own natural dad mode without even noticing it; these guys just all seem like excellent fathers and it makes me mushy) and even Crowley picks up on that shit and makes his little ex-boyfriend joke (after Demon Dean and most of season 10 there is no way I will ever NOT believe that Crowley and Dean did not take a tumble; I will take no criticism):

CROWLEY: The child likes you. No surprise, really. You're very maternal.

LIKE WHAT IS THIS:

Speaking of King Jackles, next comes the episode he directed ->

BAD SEED [11x03]

-Cas/Dean parallels with the Attack Dog Spell/Mark of Cain-

This arc appears in the 10 finale and then runs through the first three episodes, culminating in this one.  Despite it hurting my heart to see our angel so bloody eyed and feral, I LOVED this parallel; it’s truly brilliant - Cas’s reaction to the attack dog spell is such a mirror to the way Dean dealt with the Mark most of 10.  It’s also beautiful that Dean is the only one that can pull Cas from the spell’s control at the end of this episode; that alley scene between the two of them in 11x02 is so tender and sweet.  I like to think this brought an entire new layer of depth to their connection, because no one truly understood how Dean felt under the influence of the Mark until now (someone write a fan fic about this exchange!!!!!!) I *love* this journey for them (please say that sentence in Alexis Rose in your head).  Bonus that  the episode containing my most favorite of *domestic* phone calls with Dean and Cas follows this one, and also Dean’s SHORT SHORTS follow because now he is just walking around the bunker in short shorts while Cas is there and I maintain this is because of this new level of closeness.  As previously stated I ACCEPT NO criticism.

ALSO OF COURSE THE FACE CUP THAT JENSEN HIMSEF DIRECTED HIMSELF TO DO.  I STAN A KING. I HEREBY DEMAND AT LEAST ONE FACE CUP PER EPISODE OF THE MINI SERIES JENSEN.

***I just saw something posted by @watchthebeesandfish​ back in 2015 when digging around the internet re: this episode - that this was the first time both Dean/Cas had seen each other as “themselves” since that heart wrenching bridge scene in 9x10, when Dean walks away from Sam/Cas after the Gadreel possession reveal (he goes on to take the Mark of Cain in the following episode, and has it the rest of the season through season 10 finale). That is brilliant and accurate and I BOW DOWN in humility to that parallel.  I now love this scene a billion times more. *single [wo]man tear*   Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this little trip down memory lane, thanks as always for getting through my rambling,  and HAPPY FACE CUPPING FOREVER.