#when you're the goat you name people whatever you like

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭😭 please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.”

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ female, Valyrian blood (dragon rider), and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

a/n: APPARENTLY THIS IS A GUY NAMED DAVOS BLACKWOOD. But he literally IS Bloody Ben. So he's staying Bloody Ben.

P.s. I'm ageing Benjicot up so he's around 24 or whatever age you want him to be that's over 18 <3

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・It wasn't an arranged marriaged. No, not by any means.

・You had been sent by your Queen to remind the Houses of Westeros their pledge to her. And Rhaenyra had chosen you to go to the Blackwoods.

"I expect you will be welcomed warmly," her Grace said with a warm smile.

You bowed your head and returned the smile.

・You always felt safe around Rhaenyra, she was someone very close to you. Someone who you would fight to the death for.

・The first time Benji saw you, his heart stopped...which was a very fair reaction as you were atop your fearsome dragon, The Cannibal.

・You bonded with the wild dragon when you were 13 - it was the first day of your periods and you were sick and tired of being without a dragon.

・It was in your blood. And you were done waiting.

・Your first flight with Cannibal was difficult - although the blood magic seemed to be strong between the two of you.

・You were the exact person he was waiting for.

・So when your duty came to aid Queen Rhaenyra; she did asked for you to unite with a House through marriage

・That was heavy - a big duty that you did not think would need to happen, since you bonded with Cannibal. Wouldn't you be put on the front lines straight away? Her answer was no.

・But you knew the realities of war and faced your duty head on (you know Cannibal will always defend you)

・Your marriage was a significant one. All the Blackwoods were invited, and Rhaenyra was there to oversee the ceremony.

・However, having all of your family there would have been another Red Wedding, so only a few choice people from your side could be invited.

・Nonetheless, it was absolutely beautiful.

・Dragonfire lit the skies, chasing away the dark. Even Cannibal was having a good time. There were tributes made to him - sheep, cow, goats galore. You swore you saw him smiling.

・What you absolutely weren't expecting was Benji to INTERACT with Cannibal...

・He brought up a bull from the biggest hoard they had. Benji watched as the dragon practically gulped the animal down. However, he wasn't scared - he was impressed. And intrigued.

・You were absolutely moved by Benji's act. Truly. Because it showed his bravery. His daring. And of course his caring. You knew, you could feel the way Cannibal was feeling - and he trusted this Blackwood.

・So you decided to give him a wedding present. A fly.

・By doing so, you broke down every single one of Benji's walls and he knew you were the one for him. His wife. His firt and only one.

・After a tough day, and you both go to your chambers; he'll grab your arm and kiss your wrist. A physical way of saying "I'm so glad you're alive and mine."

・Learns High Valyrian for you. He wanted to surprise you with it. And surprise you he did.

・You call each other: Ñuha jorrāelagon (my love), Ñuha prūmia (my heart),

・ A very particular sentence that Benji says a lot is: Nyke pendagon nūmāzma ao everyday (I think about you everyday)

・Of course he knows you can protect yourself; but that doesn't stop him from defending you. You're his world now. You mean so much to him.

・No body thought this union would work as well as it had.

・So, Bloody Ben & The Rider of Cannibal became a formidabble pair that made men tremble wherever they went.

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Like Calls To Like

The Gomez & Morticia Adams

"Think they'll try us?" x "Fuck I hope so."

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Unbreakable Bond

Growth through Adversity

Bickering and Banter

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter

The Politics & The Life by Daniel Pemberton

O Verona by The City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, makes me feel weird if you read it.

・Gives you complete and utter respect both in and out of the bedroom.

・Has never and will never push you to do anything you don't want to do

・The first time you were together, it felt like your bodies were on fire. Meant to burn together. The words kept replaying over and over in your head as he touched you. A deep yearning overtook you and suddenly time stopped.

・His lips were warm, his hands cold but when he took off his clothes, you couldn't help but grin.

・There's such desire between you two that even your mount can sense it.

・Your sex life is very active - at least once a day. Maybe you're in your Honeymoon period, but you cannot keep your hands off one another when you're alone

・And when you're at feasts, Benji's hands find their way down your thigh, and slowing inching inbetween them.

"Really, here? Now?" You asked n a hushed tone, trying not to draw any attention to either of you.

"Yes. Here, now. Or we can go into the hallway and I will ravish you there. Upto you, wife."

[sanaexus]

social's as oliver's girlfriend

-liked by kuniisuke, yukimiya.kenyu, isaichii and 152.k others

yourusername: goat of cheating tagged: oliver.aiku

oliver.aiku: that caption is so beta ↳yourusername: that's the only thing ur good at it ↳oliver.aiku: im LICHERALLY THE JAPAN FOOTBALl TEAM'S CAPTAIN ↳yourusername: blah blah blah. proper name. place name. backstory stuff.

megubachi: beo hit em w the pose 28 ↳eita.otoya: whats ur rank in dti ↳rin.itoshi: trendsetter ↳itoshi_sae: runway queen BUT IM A SINGLE STAR AWAY FROM TRENDSETTER ↳kuniisuke: atleast rin's better than sae at something ↳rin.itoshi: u lit lost to some tomato looking clown tfym ↳yourusername: GUYS ION THINK WE REALISE RIN AND SAE JS SAID THEY PLAY DTI ↳oliver.aiku: they wanna play dti w their baddies ↳yourusername: the only baddie ur playing dti w is me or else its cheating ↳oliver.aiku: whatever you say ma'am ↳isaichii: wtf

nikkoki: MAMA E PAPA ↳yourusername: yes bby ↳oliver.aiku: when did this thing become our kid ↳yourusername: you look like a divorced father of 6 this kid won't hurt ↳oliver.aiku: understood ↳chigi.who: NAHH WTH

user1: stoppp couple goalss ↳yourusername: couple goals until the goal he wants is another girl in our bed ↳oliver.aiku: the only goal i want is against isagi ↳isaichii: why break me ↳shiidoryu: i thought we were rivals pookie ↳oliver.aiku: ew

-liked by otoya.eita, karasu_tabito, nikkoki and 144.9k others

yourusername: those who know 💀💀☠☠ tagged: oliver.aiku

shoei.barou: how brainrotted are u ↳yourusername: ERM ACSHUALLY ↳oliver.aiku: sge prefers to call it keeping up w the new gen ↳yourusername: in another universe im 4 years old sitting on galvanized square steel and eco friendly wood veneer that's almost ab to break bcs of my flumptious gyatt sipping on a grimace shake watching the newest episode of skibidi toilet while mewing w alpha wolf while we wait for 3 am to call john pork ↳chigi.who: holy shit i think i just ascended to another realm reading this ↳reo.miikage: im all for supporting this but i cannot defend wtvr fuck u just said ↳megubachi: QUEEN BEHAVIOURRR ↳shiidoryu: in another universe ong ↳yourusername: MEGU AND SHIDOU GET ME ↳oliver.aiku: gaslight gatekeep girlboss? ↳yourusername: no. ↳oliver.aiku: IM TRYING BABY

nikkoki: current roman empire is how he keeps his fuckboy and nonchalant dreadhead persona aside when he's w u ↳yourusername: what can i say that's the (name) effect ↳megubachi: rizzler type shi ↳yourusername: ong man

shiidoryu: i swear i saw him talking to another girl in a RING STORE AND HE WAS MEASURING HER FINGER ↳yourusername: WHAT ↳oliver.aiku: CAN U NOT LIKE SHUT UP IM TRYNA COOK SUM AND U GOTTA RUIN IT ↳itoshi_sae: please for the love of god shidou don't stick your ass where it doesn't belong ↳shiidoryu: i feel like everyone deserves my ass ↳kuniisuke: babe there's no ass to give tfym

chigi.who: why is he wearing the crown when im the princess ↳yourusername: mb king

-liked by itoshi_sae, aryu.jubei, and 312.9k others

oliver.aiku: told y'all i was cookin sum tagged: yourusername

shiidoryu: WOAHH WHAT THE FUCK ↳yourusername: same ↳shiidoryu: congrats bitchass (mad jealous u got that ass and not me) ↳yourusername: thank youuu (have u looked at sae's thighs 🤤) ↳oliver.aiku: not under my post ↳yourusername: HI BBY HRU HOW WAS UR DAY ILY IDK WHAT UR TALKING AB

shoei.barou: congrats do u want tips on how to keep a ring clean and safe? ↳yourusername: thank you and no im A RESPONSIBLE ADULT THANK YOU ↳oliver.aiku: preach

itoshi_sae: from my side and from rin's side congrats you two ↳rin.itoshi: don't need to speak for me ↳itoshi_sae: well u think you're too good to congratulate people so i have to do it for the two of us ↳eita.otoya: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT ↳yourusername: shut up CONGRATS THANK YOU SAE AND RINN

mikka.kaiser: im going insane can someone pls fumbke and make a mistake pls i need to correct simeone ALSO CONGRATS U TWO FROM ME AND NESS ↳isaichii: you know what else is insane ab u ↳mikka.kaiser: what ↳isaichii: NOT UR SOCCER SKILLS FOSHO ↳mikka.kaiser: ITS FOOTBALL ↳mikka.kaiser: wait omg do u love me is that why u said soccer so i could correct u awwww ↳yourusername: THANK YOUU

megubachi: FINALLY I DONT HAVE TO SHUT UP AROUND YOU IT WAS SO HARD CONGRAYS FROM ME ISAGI BECAUSE HE'S GETTING CHASED BY NESS FOR STEALING KAISER OR SUM ↳yourusername: MEGU U KNEW ☹☹ THANK YOUUU BTWW

aryu.jubei: the ring is very glam also congrats ↳yourusername: he got that sugar daddy money AND THANK YOU ↳oliver.aiku: is that all i am a sugar daddy? ↳chigi.who: yes

chigi.who: CONGRATSSS FINALLY I DONT HAVE TO HEAR U SAYING HES AN UNFAITHFUL HOE ↳yourusername: THANKK YOUU AND STOP I NEVER SAID THAT ARE U TRYNA BREAK OFF MY MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS ↳oliver.aiku: im hurt baby ↳yourusername: i'll kiss the pain away ↳kuniisuke: ewww gross also congrats ↳yourusername: THANK YOU

karasu_tabito: congrats you two also oliver be grateful i could keep a secret and didn't tell eita ↳eita.otoya: stop i thought we had something special ALSO CONGRATS ↳karasu_tabito: pls get away from me ↳oliver.aiku: thabnk you man ↳yourusername: THANK YOUU

nikkoki: GUYS I WAS THE PHOTOGRAPHER ILL LET U KNOW HE PLAYED NEW JEANS WHILE PROPOSING ↳mikka.kaiser: EY DROP THE QUESTION DROP THE DROP THE QUESTION ↳chigi.who: WANT ATTENTION WANNA WANT ATTENTION ↳yourusername: YOU GIVE ME BUTTERFLIES YOY KNOW

HI GUYS THIS TOOK ME A BIT TOO LONG THAT IN SHOULD HAVE BUT I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD ENJOY IT ALSO STAN NEW JEANS BC RAHHHH 👅👅

[slutforfictionalwomen]

Just relax

Kinktober day 28

Natasha Romanoff x Fem Reader

Main kinks: mommy kink

Word count: 1,2K

Summary: You're in a bad mood, and your mommy is just trying to cheer you up.

Warnings: Smut, mommy kink, praise kink, fluff, soft sex, cunnilingus, fingering, begging.

(Please tell me if I forgot anything)

"What's really going on, baby?" It's late in the evening, and you've just come down to get a snack. Ever since you got home in the afternoon, Natasha has noticed your annoyed attitude.

You rummage through the cupboard, clearly still irritated for whatever reason. Natasha notices you making a mess of her cupboard and decides to help you find what you need.

You're a young college student with strict Christian parents. When the 39 year old Natasha met you, you still lived with your parents because you couldn't afford an apartment. She took you in, and quickly, things started to bloom between the two of you.

"Sweetie, please tell me what happened. I'll get you the snacks you're craving, but please just tell me what's going on." Natasha's hand in on the small of your back, rubbing the circles with her thumb she knows you go crazy for.

Finally, you turn to face her. But as soon as your eyes meet hers, tears start running down your face. Natasha immediately pulls you into a hug, whispering sweet words in your ear.

"All my classmates are having a Halloween party at campus, including my friends. I'm not invited, I'm the only one in our form who isn't," you sob into Natasha's shoulder. The older woman is shocked by what you tell her, how could everyone be invited except for her sweet girl?

"Honey, are you sure they didn't just forget they hadn't invited you yet?" Natasha keeps rubbing circles on your back, not pulling away from the hug. You immediately speak in sobs again, "No, I asked at what time and where it exactly was., but they said it was a stupid question because I wasn't invited anyway." Saying that last sentence out loud breaks you again.

"Oh baby," Natasha pulls away from the hug to wipe away your tears. Your poor little face has makeup smudged all over it, your eyeliner long gone. "You know what? I'll give you an extra nice day, we can have fun without those stupid college people. But first we need to clean your face, pretty girl."

Natasha has gently washed your face with a cloth and warm water. She also helped you change into some more comfortable clothes.

Now she wants you to decide whatever you want to do. She has named multiple examples, like watching a movie, shopping, or swimming.

However, you found out about a place to cuddle with goats near your house, and that is what you want to do.

It's only a ten minute walk away from Natasha's house. "This is a rather funny activity, but I could've expected it from an animal lover like you." Natasha presses a soft kiss to your hand, a gesture that still makes you blush.

There's only a few other people, people with little kids. It reminds you of how you used to spend time at a similar place at home when you were little. You pull Natasha just a bit closer.

You end up having a lot of fun. Natasha acts like a typical mum, petting the animals but keeping a bit of a distance and taking pictures of you. She loves seeing you happy like this, having fun out of just playing with goats.

The two of you decide to go by Starbucks on the way home, getting coffee and a sweet treat. You attempt to pay for yourself but fail as Natasha refuses to let you. "It's your day, sweetheart."

Natasha picks out a table with a booth for you. You start sipping on your drink and eating your muffin when Natasha moves her hand to your upper thigh, softly caressing it. When you try to move her hand away she gives you a warning look, so you just have to put up with the feelings it evokes.

Apparently, that was the idea because Natasha leans down to whisper in your ear. "When we get home, I'll make you feel so good, baby. Better than any Halloween party could ever make you feel. No one could ever make you feel better than I do."

The walk home is uncomfortable with the slick between your legs. As soon as you get home and sit down on the couch, Natasha is all over you. Normally, her kisses are rough, but now she's being soft. Her hands caress your body, whereas they normally grope you in an almost bruising way. She's being the most gentle with you she has ever been.

"Baby, I don't want to do this on the couch today." She takes you upstairs to her room to continue there. Asking you if she can take your shirt off before doing so, she same with the rest of your clothes.

When you're fully naked, she first spends time thoroughly exploring your body with her mouth. "Beg for it, baby," she says when your hands grab her hair.

You think for a moment about whether you want to do as she said or you want to be a brat. Giving in seems the better option right now. "Please mommy, please fuck me. I'm so needy, please!"

Natasha chuckles at your words, how you have learned how to beg properly in the time you've been with her. She kisses down your body, pressing a kiss to the mound of your pussy before speaking, "Such a good girl for mommy."

You whine at the praise, but it turns into a moan as the older woman dives in to lick your pussy. Her tongue disappears to pay attention to your bundle of nerves, making you hold onto her hair tighter.

"You like that, pretty girl? Like it when I praise you and rub your little pussy?" She says before diving back in to suck your clit. She's high on the moans that escape your mouth. You know you can be loud, but you still hold back. Natasha knows that about you and often sees it as a challenge.

She pushes one of her short nailed fingers into your aching hole while keeping up the licks on your sweet spot. The way she curls her finger pulls another loud moan out of you.

The older woman starts thrusting into you, sucking and licking your clit, trying to pull as many sweet moans from you as possible on the way to your orgasm.

She's relentless when it comes to this, whispering sweet words when she can, but mostly keeping her mouth on you. When she feels you getting closer, she adds a finger to your pussy. You immediately clench around it.

"Please mommy I'm gonna cum," you say when Natasha starts to constantly hit your spot with her fingers, while lapping your bundle of nerves with her tongue.

The older woman pulls her mouth away for a second, keeping up the motion with her fingers to not lose your orgasm. "Cum whenever, sweetheart."

It takes seconds for you to reach the edge, fully clenching around her while bucking up and riding out your orgasm. Natasha chuckles at the sweet sounds you make. She pulls her fingers out and cleans up your pussy with her tongue before making you clean her fingers.

"Come on, baby, it's time to take a shower." She takes her clothes off, then she lifts your already naked body up to walk to the bathroom.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Who Dares Summon Me: Human Vaggie & Charlie

Vaggie: (sitting in the living room of a piece of shit apartment and reading from a "demon summoning" book. the sound of gunfire and police sirens barely even registers to her ears anymore)

Vaggie: Okay, so I got the Pentagram, a goat (glances at two goat plushies she stole from a name brand toy store) Fuckers will live..... they make millions in a day.

Vaggie: Candles... (glances at the Bath & Body Works, cinnamon and vanilla scented candles)

Vaggie: And... blood.... uh.... (Looks at the bucket filled with water, corn syrup, red food coloring, and cocoa powder to help create a blood effect) Fuck... demons can tell the difference between real and fake blood, right? Dammit.

Vaggie: (cuts her finger with her pocket knife and lets] a few drops fall into the bucket) There. That should work. Now, let's see-

Lute: (comes out of her room half naked and throws a pair of panties at Vaggie) Yo, Vagina! Adam stole your underwear again as a prank, I guess. Here.

Vaggie: (gawks as she catches the garment and spikes it to the floor) Lute! What the fuck?! Can't you control your fucking boyfriend??? How did he even get into my room?! I keep it locked for that reason.

Lute: (grabs a beer out of the fridge, pops the cap off on the counter, starts chugging, and flips off Vaggie as she returns to her room for whatever round she and Adam are on)

Vaggie: Sick perverted sons of bitches... (turns back to the book) Read the forbidden script and make a pact. (Scoffs) Okay, edge lords. I'll give it a go.

Vaggie: (recites the script with some difficulty)

..........

Vaggie: (relaxes her back against the couch) Can't say I'm surprised. I literally bought this online for six-

-Fire tornado erupts from the Pentagram and burning red eyes stare down at Vaggie from the inferno-

Demon Charlie: WHO dares summon the powerful Princess of Hell- Oh, fuck!!! (Trips over the bucket and falls face first into Vaggie's lap, revealing that she is wearing a red dress with black thigh high stockings)

Vaggie: Jesus Fucking Christ!!!

Demon Charlie: (face still pressed against Vaggie's crotch) You have a very comfortable lap.

Vaggie: (grabs demon's horns and pulls her up so they're sitting in front of each other) You're actually a demon?

Demon Charlie: (blinks) Considering the fact that you're still holding my horns, I have this adorable little tail (waves her heart-shaped tail in hello), and I came straight up from Hell because of your summoning circle. Yup! (Sees the plushies and gasps) Oh! You even gave Razzle and Dazzle their own conduits! You're so sweet!

Vaggie: ...........Who?

Demon Charlie: Razzle and Dazzle! You know. My pets. It's written in chatper six, paragraph five, sentence three. (Snaps her fingers and the two goat plushies turn into two living goat demons with wings)

Vaggie: (scouring the book) What?!

Demon Charlie: (snuggling her boys) Also, I know you had to use a little of your own blood to make this work, which I promise to help heal that cut on your finger by the way, but Thank You So Much for just using fake blood! I always feel so bad when people actually use a bucket of real blood. I usually let my dad take those summonings.

Vaggie: (glances at the bucket rolling across the floor then back to the demon) Y-Youre dad?

Demon Charlie: Lucifer, the King of Hell. (Light bulb goes off) Oh! I never completed my introduction! I'm Charlie Morningstar, Princess of Hell and heir to the throne. Pleased to meet you!

Vaggie: Uh.... Vaggie.... I never would have expected the Princess of Hell to be so..... bubbly....

Demon Charlie: I get that a lot. Now! What can I do for you? How can I help? Do you need money? Power? A soul you'd like for me to devour?

Vaggie: N-No... nothing quite like that....

Demon Charlie: Oh, thank Satan! I hate eating souls. Most of them taste so bad!

Vaggie: Uh-huh.... Well.... I don't really have anything for you. I got bored and decided I'd try this out...

Demon Charlie: (disappointed) Really? But you sold me your virginity. Surely, there's something you want in exchange!

Vaggie: I'm sorry. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

Demon Charlie: Drop of virgin blood and (holds up Vaggies lavender panties) an article of clothing that covers your most intimate desire.

Vaggie: (silently screaming)

Demon Charlie: H-Hey! If it makes you feel any better, I'm still a virgin, too! (Under her breath) Not from lack of trying on other asshole's accunts, but still....

Vaggie: Ay, Dios mio!

Demon Charlie: Well, I can't take your payment until you come up with something you want, soooooooo! (Transforms into a human)

Charlie: (snuggles up to Vaggie's side) I'll just have to stay here with you until you come up with something!

Vaggie: (catatonic)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Can we have bestfriend headcanons for rollo please???? i need to be friends with this guy so bad you don't understand

***Warning: Glorious Masquerade spoilers in the final few headcanons!***

Curiouser and Curiouser...

The best way to sum up this relationship is that Rollo is the mom friend, and you are his child. (If you were to ask Rollo, he would say you're an idiot, but you're his idiot.)

From an outsider's perspective, it's hard to tell that you're friends at all. He always has that hard-to-read face on him, plus those grimaces he gets whenever the slightest annoyance or inconvenience makes itself known.

You've gotten used to his quirks though, so you can read his emotions a lot better than most. When the corners of his mouth twitch, that's him trying to smile! When he taps a finger against his arm? He's thinking hard about something.

He dislikes it when you call him "bestie" (so, of course, you make sure to do it often). Rollo corrects you with his name each and every time.

He finds physical affection just as repulsive. Rollo's constantly shying away from your touch, insisting that it's unhygienic and immodest to even so much as brush shoulders by accident.

There was an incident when you hugged him once and he got oddly quiet, then asked "... What is this?" to which you had casually responded, "Affection."

"Disgusting," Rollo had declared, handkerchief to his nose. "... Do it again."

He's one of those old-fashioned people who insists on keeping in contact via letters and cards instead of text messages, email, and/or social media. Rollo claims that stuff "rots your brain cells" and "promotes a vain, degenerate lifestyle".

You thought it silly and inefficient at first, but over time you've come to appreciate the time and thought that comes with each letter. Receiving a note from Rollo is the best part of your day--you love catching up with him and sending him back updates of your very own.

He's a busy guy and follows a strict schedule, so more often than not you're the one that's following him around as he does his various tasks. You lend him a hand too, though Rollo takes care to not burden you too much. These are his responsibilities, so he should take charge of them.

You occasionally climb up the bell tower with him (the view up there is amazing!) and all the gargoyles clamor to greet you. Rollo has to remind them not to overwhelm the guest.

When there is time, you sit down at a cafe and share a meal. Rollo introduces you to his favorite places and makes recommendations (though he usually gets the exact same thing). You try to push him to vary up his diet a bit more, tearing off pieces of your own lunch or offering him bites of whatever it is you're having (even though he insists he'll have none of that).

One day, you caught Rollo parading through the streets on horseback. He introduced his steed to you, instructing you on how to safely pat it and feed it an apple from your hand. The horse seemed to like you, so Rollo hoisted you up and let you ride it around the city for the rest of the day.

He's still not very good at expressing himself. When you sense that he's feeling down in the dumps, it takes quite a bit of coaxing to get him to talk about it with you (if at all). In his mind, he shouldn't be troubling others with his own matters.

Sometimes you're not successful at convincing him to open up, so you settle for giving a gentle reminder that you'll be there for him no matter what. You wouldn't want to push him to talk when he's not ready to!

... On the other hand, when Rollo wants to talk, he'll rant and rave for what seems like forever. You patiently nod your head and listen to everything he spews out, from his express hatred of a certain lizard to how the local goats almost ate his stationary set.

There are rare times, though, when Rollo shares his passions and ambitions with you. The relaxing gardening he has been doing as of late, how beautiful the Bell of Salvation is today, his plans for the future... It's in these moments that you can truly appreciate how solemn and thoughtful he can be.

Rollo often nags you for little things: there's a crease in your shirt, your room is slightly messy, there's a hair out of place, etc. But hey, it's fine. You know he does it lovingly, even if the comments come with a slight frown.

He also tends to lecture you about your own safety, often warning you to keep away from "suspicious individuals" (and, of course, mages). Rollo lets you know that if anyone gives you trouble, you should inform him right away and he'll come storming over to give them hell. Yes, he's the overprotective friend that will throw himself into the crossfires to defend your honor--

This man comes to hangouts with everything you could possibly need in case of an emergency. Got a scrape? Boom, first aid kit. (He even patches you up personally.) Hands dirty? Hand sanitizer and wet wipes for the rescue. You start calling him “dad” as a joke every time he produces exactly what you need.

Rollo has the tendency to (sternly) speak up for you, especially in cases when you're too meek to speak up for yourself. It has big "EXCUSE ME! They asked for no pickles" energy.

Once a year, you join Rollo for a very special trip. You always stop by the same florist's shop, always watch him select the same bouquet of white lilies, always walk quietly alongside him down to the local cemetery. You don't follow him to the grave, but you let him know he can take as long as he needs with the visit, that you'll wait for him at the gates.

You watch the clouds slowly pass by and the sky change colors from cornflower blue to the shades of sunset. Night has started to trickle in when you hear his approaching footsteps. The flower bouquet is gone, deposited as an offering to a boy that has become one with the stars.

Rollo emerges, and you pretend to not notice the wetness to his eyes, the silvery shine upon his cheeks. You know if you point it out, he'll only become defensive and deny it.

"Ready to go?" you ask every year.

"... Yes," he replies, just the same as always. (Rollo will then try to subtly wipe away at his tears.) "Thank you for accompanying me. I do apologize for imposing on your time."

"Don't," you tell him. "I've always got your back, just like you've always got mine. That's what friends are for, right?"

[reinedeslys-central]

kotlc things that I keep thinking about that are never really addressed by canon

there is a complete replica of sophie's bedroom and perhaps countless other rooms just. somewhere in a building in mysterium that the councillors just know about.

alden and other telepaths were instructed to monitor the citizens' minds for signs of dissent around the time the prentice thing was going down

they regularly torture prisoners and dissenters into literal insanity that they can't come back from

they also have a super weird prison only accessible by quicksand (????) to house said prisoners

there is an ENTIRE DUNGEON OF WEIRD LAB EXPERIMENTS DOWN BY THE VACKER HOUSE?

okay. how - how big is havenfield?

the entire thing with - is their name twix? the person dex was working with for something. why do we not get to see that more. why is dex the criminally underrated goated character and WE DON'T GET FLESHED OUT CHARACTER ARCS FOR EVERYONE

linh flooded. atlantis. linh song FLOODED ATLANTIS hello what do people think about that?????????? do they see her on the street and whisper? what's up with "The Girl Of Many Floods"? Where else did she flood?

What is up with the song family (tong? their name changed after their grandmother or smth got famous with their music right?) that both their children not only have two very powerful elemental abilities, but are also crazy skilled with said Talents.

why are music, art, and culture not a bigger thing? like yeah, plot, obviously, but that's just worldbuilding!!! I wanna see!!!! art hanging on the walls! Defying gravity! more sculptures! more music playing in the shopping centres!! If they have imparters why don't they have long distance radio? are there mandatory dance lessons? what's the etiquette like besides what we already know?

more animal husbandry at schools. speaking of schools: we KNOW foxfire and exilium aren't the only schools. are smaller schools more specialised? are their community colleges or academies dedicated to specific career paths? universities?

okay but the polyglot ability is SO COOL???? tell me about the archaic variants of the enlightened language. there's no way that's just the elves' one language and the other species picked it up due to their 'superiority' or wtv. the goblins have cities of gold and metal and the trolls age backwards, you're not convincing me of anything.

secret societies in the other species. that has to exist right?

.....is squall dex's mom or not? I genuinely can't remember.

anyway remember when she froze gethen's fingernails off, yeah that happened (I think)

so instead of rehabilitating teenagers who have dangerous abilities and not much control over their powers, we just do....whatever the council did with gethen, ruy, and linh ig

hey, um...are we just not going to talk about dex casually HACKING INTO A GOV DATABASE WITH SOME RANDOM BITS OF ROCK AND TWINE? he can just do that. okay. okay. that's - yeah, okay.

did he match a frequency or something? how does the signal network even work in kotlc when everyone is technically all over the world in unplottable locations and they get around by LIGHT LEAPING???

ON THAT NOTE. light leaping. yeah haha funny let's just teach our kids to casually break down their very particles and hold onto their consciousness to travel at the speed of light using quantum mechanics and crystals that are specifically cut to project light in such a way that'll take you only to a specific location nvm im not thinking more about it.

flickering? is apparently a skill you can learn even if you're not a vanisher? remember in book two when fitz got prissy at sophie for knowing how to do it apparently b4 we figured out that she's a teleporter

keefe is a fun loveable goofball and I've always been on the sokeefe train but now the more I think about it he's really um.... yeah, uh, sophie? darling, please just don't date any of these people. obv you can make your own decisions but at least not now, okay. take care of yourself hon

the fitz hate is kinda weird ngl. wdym you don't want your problematic traitor brother to move back in to living literally with your family after supposedly losing his memories and that's a bad thing? wdym your close friend/crush is hiding things from you when yall are supposed to be cognates and she's kinda gaslighting you since, forever? wdym your father's been shadily telling you to stalk this girl in the human world since you were a kid? yeah definitely he does pull some weird stints throughout the series. but the bigger things i see ppl hating on him for are. hmmmmm

the council themselves choose to lock away the government secrets and wipe them from their memories. hey, um - recordkeeping is great, obvious, but - wiping those secrets from your minds isn't gonna help you lead while accounting for those parts of history, is it? nevermind how dangerous it is when there are huge species-wide secrets that NO ONE remembers. society-threatening incident waiting to happen.

the concept of vociferators. that's just kinda funny lol even if it is weird

are their schoold for diff abilities?

what's the genetics of talent inheritance? why are 'stronger' abilities rarer? In my opinion, p much every talent is goated, I don't see why more characters aren't more creative about it.

banning talents is just a bad move. like. are you serious? how is that going to make it better? that's how you get brant. brant was a pyrokinetic, without getting into the primary issue of the whole talentless/talented discrimination discourse, the secondary issue is he wouldve been able to marry jolie as two talented elves. would he have cracked if his ability was just a bit better handled by society?

grady is a mesmer. how - that's a really powerful ability???? how do you even train to use that? what do you even use it for?

same with whatever that lady councillor is that tried to seduce alden during his own wedding. fun times, yall.

rainbow fire??? cool????

so we have the sanctuary, do we also have a gigantic library of alexandria-esque thing? a botanical garden?

according to jolie's wiki she died at twenty as a level 8 at foxfire. so... hang on a minute. okay, sure, numerically that could make sense since sophie, at 12, became a level one - but are you telling me she went through the whole matchmaking process and was planning to get married that young????

hey, here's an idea - in a relatively stable society where economy is great, trust funds exist, people work to have something to do with their lives, birth rate is generally low (now through prejudice as well as societal comfort and ease/cost of living), why are they marrying so young? WHY ARE THE KIDS STARTING THE MATCHMAKING PROCESS IN THEIR TEENS???? the elven society has p much every mark of a stage 5 developed country? help? middle-high school human geography??

if they apparently live so long, show me the funny messy family trees with couples having children generations apart.

so, trust funds of lusters??? lustres?? (which we barely ever see. why is there little-to-no use of money?) which equate to roughly one trillion USD (in value? are you. are you - um. are you....serious?) exist. but I guess inflation and relative currency value from mass money printing doesn't count in this world, as well as the fact that there's only one currency for all the elves.

I wanna see a divorced elven couple now. how does divorce law work??????

if there's such a low BR and low population and people are yet still encouraged to have less kids to 'not dilute the genes' (that's my next point btw), I'm guessing matchmaking is encouraged younger to make sure population stays stable/growing? obv you need it to ensure genetic diversity and no incest, but if it's heavily encouraged for elves to have children like this, are queer elves mandated to have children with a surrogate/other couple even if they have a same-sex marriage?

i'll probably edit this or reblog it to include more stuff (character limit lol) as i remember the books bc it's been a hot minute since i read them.

[dcdreamblog]

What do Think Of Superhero cults like The Cult Of Superman?

Superheroes have always been religiously...thorny, depending on the kind of religious worldview you're looking at them from.

From Hawkman's tales of pagan reincarnation, to the Spectre's claims of being god's righteous right hand, the arcana of Dr. Fate, even just being confronted with a worldview in which human beings are able to do the impossible. There's lots of reactions to this, a crisis of faith, rejection of the heroes outright as frauds or even agents of evil. Then, of course there's the kind that you mention.

"Worship" of superheroes has taken a lot of forms. Some people have be rebuked by the Catholic church for instance for "praying for superheroes too often", like they were trying to make them into saints if the Holy See is to be believed. The most high profile version is, like you said the Superman Cult

(Image of a procession put on by the Cult in the wake of Superman's funeral, Daily Planet)

Originally called "The Fellowship" under a troubled young man named Robert Galt in California they raised a lot of hell in their original incarnation, starting an all out gang war with a rival group called The Consortium some of its members even gaining superpowers for a short period under unknown circumstances. They became nationally famous in the wake of Superman's apparent death, treating him as an almost Christ-like figure who died for humanity's sins and would arise from the dead to bring those who believed in him and his "deeds" into a better world as "The Man of Tomorrow". When Superman returned to life indeed less than 6 months later and their "better world" failed to materialize as Superman of course had no interest in dividing the world along ethical lines, any more than he had been before his absence their loudest period ebbed.

They're not GONE, that's for sure. When I lived in Metropolis I saw them in their funny blue robes out on street corners, or saw their literature in waiting rooms. An offshoot of their movement even tried to burn Lois Lane at the STAKE for "rejecting" Superman in favor of Clark Kent. Superman and Batman put a stop to that foolishness very quick, of course. (There are still jackasses who harass Lane and her husband to this day for reasons like this.)

Look, showing all my cards, I'm an atheist. I don't believe in any "higher power" as such. I know that magic exists, that various beings claiming to be connected to gods of various pantheons or even to BE gods themselves also exist. But I don't believe in any of them as some all good creator deity who holds my eternal soul in hostage for my good behavior. I do good because it is good and for no other reasons, and of course I take INSPIRATION in that from the heroes that I've studied but I'm not about to start sacrificing goats about it.

Superman is a man. Not a human man, of that much he has been very honest. But he's a person, blessed by abnormal circumstances with the power to do good and he uses that power to do right by others. To attribute that to divinity would be to undercut the message he has always (ironically) preached, that WE are capable of being better, as we are.

If you ARE religious, you can of course correct me. But the mainstream religious opinion these days seems to be counting our superheroes as blessings. Delivered in the manner that any other blessing is delivered by whatever divine hands you believe in. Maybe you are a Christian who truly believes that those who claim to be angels walk among us once again in the form of The Spectre or Zauriel. Maybe you believe that even if they're not LITERAL angels of the lord, they do good work in his name so what's there to worry about. My advice. Do good in "their name" by letting them set our example, not because you fear some kind of wrath from Superman on high. It seems like it makes him VERY uncomfortable.

[the-hinky-panda]

Yellowstone: Boss Mare Series

Boss Mare: Part I

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Jamie x Fem!Reader

Summary: Like most people who end up on the Yellowstone, you're running from something. You need to convince them to let you stay and hope that what you're running from, doesn't find you. But things are rarely that easy.

Warnings: Violence, language, sexual situations, mentions of religion, cults, and abuse

The color of the oddly shaped “Y” and the plainer text of “Yellowstone Dutton Ranch” reminds you of the sun. It’s not a bright yellow, but rather a deeper, gold color. Natural, rich. Hopeful. It reminds you of the beautiful sunflowers your mother would grow in the very back of the garden. You trace your fingers over the symbol. It’s a sign, you’re certain of it. God has provided you a path of escape and it’s the Yellowstone Ranch. 

“‘But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.’”

“Can we help you?” 

When you turn around, you’re facing three men. All three are dressed in the standard cowboy gear: boots, well-worn jeans, plaid shirts, and hats. The one in the front, stocky with blue eyes, produces a badge from his coat pocket. You know it means he has some kind of legal authority, that he should be someone to flee from but you stay rooted to the spot. You don’t live that life anymore. 

“I’m Ryan, livestock agent,” he introduces. “Do you need help or…?” 

“I need a job. I want to work at the Dutton Ranch.” You shift the backpack on your shoulder. “Can you give me a ride?” 

One of the men behind Ryan speaks up. “Are we hiring?” He turns to the tall, thin cowboy next to him. “Did you know we were hiring, Walker?” 

“Nah, I didn’t, Colby.” 

You hear the joking in their tone and realize they’re not taking you seriously. “I don’t know anything about horses or ranching but I can cook. And clean. I know how to take care of kids.” 

Ryan seems to perk up at that. “Goats?” 

“No, children. But, I’m a fast learner. And I’m willing to do anything.” 

Colby scoffs and moves towards the truck and Ryan pockets his badge. “Look, you seem nice enough, certainly eager enough. Which, by the way, don’t ever tell anyone that you’re willing to do anything. That’s going to get you in trouble.” 

“Okay,” you nod eagerly. “Don’t say that, see? Learned. Please, give me a chance though.” 

Ryan shakes his head. “Sorry, kiddo. None of us are the ones that do the hiring and hiring women is a rarity on a ranch. You’ll have a better shot begging for a job in there,” he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the feed store they just left.

“And whatever you’re running from,” Colby says from the passenger side of the truck, “our boss isn’t going to be happy if it catches up with you on our turf.” 

“Besides,” the tall man in the back, Walker, passes close by you on the way to the truck. “You don’t want to get caught up with this motherfuckin’ outfit.” 

There’s flecks of green in his eyes; you’ve never seen that anomaly before and it momentarily mesmerizes you. It takes a lot of concentration on your words to force them out of your mouth. “Why not?” 

“It’s just full of bad luck.” 

You sniff and straighten your shoulders. “I don’t believe in luck.” 

Walker’s lips quirk into the briefest of smiles. “Just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t make it so.” He climbs into the back row of seats into the truck. “Trust me, stay away from the Yellowstone.” 

Ryan gets behind the wheel of the truck and starts it. “Look, you seem like a nice lady but if you don’t know anything about ranching, stick to finding a job here in Bozeman.” 

Ryan and Colby wish you best of luck with a tip of their hat but Walker just shakes his head, a gesture you’re not sure how to interpret. You watch the truck pull away from the feed store parking lot, watch the direction it takes. You take the advice they gave you and you head back into the feed store. But instead of asking for a job from the lady behind the counter, you ask for directions to the Dutton ranch. If they won’t give you a ride, then you will walk. 

According to the lady behind the counter, it will take you three days to walk to the ranch. But as you set out using her handwritten directions on how to get there on foot, you tell yourself that Jesus had to spend three days in the tomb before he resurrected from the dead. It seems fitting that it will be the same amount of time for you to achieve your own personal resurrection. 

[cheriecelestial]

Paper Rings

disclaimer *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ angst (?), canon typical violence, gore (?), crude humour, strong language, typos, grammatical errors, cliché moments

genre *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ drama, romance, action-thriller, fantasy

a/n *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ based on this one dream i had and also cuz pjo was my first comfort series and jjk is my current one (only s1)

╰ ┈➤ Chapter List

╰ ┈➤ Master list

Chapter One

Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.

If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal

life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.

If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.But if you recognize yourself in these pages - if you feel something stirring inside - stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

My name is Gojo Kanao . Age fourteen, raised in Tokyo, Japan . As the youngest family member of the Gojo clan , niece of the Gojo Satoru and an aspiring sorcerer - my life was going as perfectly as it rightfully should . Except my uncle got a call from an old family friend three weeks back and before I knew it I were to pack my bags and enroll in a 'summer camp' meant for 'children like me' . And that's really funny because apart from my uncle , I'm pretty much one of a kind . It's not like ever other generation has a six eyes user gifted with limitless. My existence is what most people call an 'anomaly in the power balance of the world' and sparked much debate amongst higher ups but it stopped bothering me after a point considering how uncle Satoru threatens to decimate any person that as much as dared look at me wrongly .

He took me in after my father died when I was four and him eighteen . Following my father's death , the Gojo clan was pretty much reduced to me and uncle since not much was known about my birth mother . The first time my uncle got to know that he, in fact , not only had a sister in law but also a niece from his absentee elder brother was when the fore mentioned "family friend" came knocking to at the Gojo Clan's door with a drooling four year old with white pigtails in tow .

As much as a shock it must've been to know that he was now a single father , uncle or as I call him Satoru nii-san , seemed to have developed a knack for parenting much too quickly with his reasoning being 'the baby looks like mini me and I vibe with that' . And as he liked to say to me and my also-adopted siblings Megumi and Tsumiki Fushiguro "having you kids just adds to my dilf appeal" followed by Megumi deadpanning at him , Tsumiki awkwardly smiling and me audibly gagging. Needless to say , he isn't much liked and not even half as tolerable as he considers himself to be.

"How could you do this to me ?" I mumbled while my eyes trailing the silhouette of the trees passing rapidly by my car windows . Almost inaudible cursing was what my opposition was shamefully reduced to . After much fights , screaming , crying , scratching and attempts at running away I was forced to join this camp . His description of the camp with strawberry fields , flying horses , Greek gods and half goat people was enough for Megumi to call bullshit on it however I couldn't deny its existence because that's where I grew up from birth to age four.

" Nyao-chan , this is the 33rd time you're saying this in the past fifteen hours of flight time . Do better" I could feel nii-san rolling his eyes from the front seat .

" Toru nii don't call me that" I hissed back at him and turned my face with 'hmph' so that maybe , just maybe I could appeal to his conscience. I remember that place and it wasn't particularly unpleasant and under normal circumstances I would really like visiting . However , he simply refused to understand just how it would derail my development as a sorcerer , quoting ' your development as a demigod is just as fundamental to your growth as your development as a sorcerer . Take it as a learning experience. Have fun and for the love of god make some friends that aren't the fushiguros or your pet snake .'

My previous attempt at socialising ended up with the boy calling me a brat and me activating my cursed technique for the first time in attempt to kill him , stunning breakthrough but not a suitable first impression. That meeting ended well for their family and the incident was ruled out as a 'all is well that ends well' . And after that I decided that I had enough and rated the experience 2 stars , do not recommend . 

" I mean looking at how much you like small spaces , scratching and hissing you might as well be one . But hey cheer up ! you're going to see your Chiron sensei and Dino oji-san again . Won't it be fun ? Childhood memories all coming back to you. Plus I've heard summer camps are really fun." He shrugged with his emphasis on the names causing me to cringe inwardly .

" What sort of summer camp runs in November ?" I retorted followed by him sighing . It was much later that I found out that my 'Dino oji-san' was actually Dionysus , the Greek god of wine. I could only imagine the emotions he must've felt holding a toddler in his lap , butchering his name to her convenience. The embarrassment of the memory just made me even more unwilling to go . Our satyr chauffeur said we were fifteen minutes away from camp so of course going back wasn't an option.

Before I knew it , the car came to a screeching halt in the middle of road . There was nothing but an empty road ahead surrounding by dense vegetation on either sides . " What happened ? " I asked leaning forward. The saytr looked at me and blinked . Then I realised I forgot to switch to English while talking . Except for my struggles with dyslexia, English was fairly easy to learn . I credited Satoru nii's obsession of Friends and Britney Spears for this but learning , in general , was something that came naturally to me . I never had to try too hard to learn a skill and it puzzled others and even me . Apparently this was the trait of a true Gojo . Being godly perfect . It applied to everything but my cursed energy technique . Sometime back I realised I reached a plateau of my skills  and no matter what method I employed , my growth remained stagnant . Maybe that's why he's sending me here .

" She meant why did we stop ?" Nii-san asked .

" We're here" The saytr plainly replied . I looked around in confusion because I saw nothing . He asked us to follow him , and with luggage in hand , so we did .

After a small hike through the woods , we reached a big stone arch . It was partially of wood and stone and looked really old with greek symbols carved at the top and several cracks and moss . I stared at the sign and noticed that the letters began to rearrange themselves . At first I thought it was my dyslexia acting up but the Greek symbols rearrange themselves to spell out the letters 'CAMP HALFBLOOD' .

"You look surprised. What do you see Kana ?" He looked at me . I explained my observations and he smirked and muttered something to himself .

I extended my hand and much like how jujutsu curtains worked by hand went passed the barrier emitting a faint blue light . " Nii-san you try it " I gestured him to do the same . The barrier pulsated against his hand as if resisting his touch . With a faint smile , he retracted his hand and said to the saytr " This barrier is stronger than I expected . I'm impressed"

"Nii-san if you were to break through , how long would it take ?" I asked out of curiosity . If you were to ask anyone to describe Gojo Satoru in one word the word would be 'strongest' . Once he put enough effort into it there was no barrier he couldn't break nor there was any curse he couldn't exorcise . " Hmmm it's strong I'll give it that . But we wouldn't want to endanger a camp worth of kids, right ?" I shrugged in a 'makes sense' gesture.

"It's just her from this point on. You can't go inside." The saytr said. Yeah we noticed. Satoru- nii clapped his hands and smiled," Just give us two minutes. You know I need time to see off my precious baby." The saytr blinked and moved out of earshot wordlessly. Satoru nii cupped my face and cooed as if he was on the verge of crying. I rolled my eyes at his dramatic display," you didn't feel any remorse for the last few days and you're crying now ?"

"It's not easy ! I knew I had to let my baby bird out of the nest because that's what's best for you but I -" his bottom lip wobbled and I was hit with a sense of guilt. I sighed and hugged him," I'll miss you too. I'll be fine."

"Call me everyday you hear me ? And eat and sleep well. Oh my god I'm starting to sound like an old woman !" Gojo Satoru was one man who liked to completely disregard the fact that me, Megumi and Tsumiki had mother -albeit absent, and very seriously behave as if he was the one who carried us around for nine months and birth us. But hey, who doesn't like being coddled ?

I rolled my eyes and gave him the signature Gojo smirk," I'll be just fine, don't you worry."

" I know. You'll be fine. Always. You'll be better than me, I know it." Satoru nii-san's voice dropped to a low and almost wistful whisper. " Even though you're the best there is ?" I asked offering him a kind smile. To that he said something in a tone  I didn't expect hearing from him. "You've inherited only my powers , I don't want you to inherit my tragedies too ." The statement left a bad taste in my mouth. People often assumed that since he was the strongest, he had it easy. It’s people like him that suffer the most, so much so that sometimes it has you wishing you didn’t have power at all.

"And lastly. Don't kill anyone, and even if you do. Get rid of witnesses and call nii-san first, Nii-san will take care of it." I raised my brow in questioning. Firstly, shouldn't he be teaching his kid to be nice to other people or something and second of all why is he referring to himself in third person.

"Shouldn't you be saying 'dont bully people and be nice' or something ?" Though what he said wasn't the first of its kind. My brother Megumi had a track record of beating up people in his school but Nii-san never saw a problem because the people he beat up were hardly innocent and he never lost a fight so that was no shame brought to the family name.

"If there's anyone you think shouldn't be alive. Then they shouldn't be. This world is ours, the others are just living in it." One thing that everyone knew what that Gojo Satoru was a firm believer of the Gojo family supremacy. And he's not wrong. "Then what about those sleazy higher-ups ?" I quipped. I knew of his grand plan to demolish the old reign and establish a new jujutsu world, the reason he became a teacher. It was something I looked forward to since the day he showed me the dream of it, but for that I had to get stronger. To become more, to become unstoppable. So I would gladly accept any wisdom the Greeks had to offer and make sure that by the time I’m done here, I’ll be the strongest demigod they’ve had the honour of laying their eyes upon.

“All in due time Kana-chan.”

Taglist: @kentply / @sleepykittycx / @yourpersonalgaybird

[niiwa-angel]

I'm going to say something wildly unpopular in the Radfem community, but IDC, because I think it needs saying.

This little fantasy a lot of Radfems women have about whipping up a group of women, buying a plot of land, and living off it in the name of separatism is a fairytale at best and a dangerous endeavour at worst. My family lives off grid in rural Canada, it's no fucking picnic. First of all, it costs thousands of dollars for solar panels and they don't collect as much power as you'd think, especially in wooded areas. We put them on top of buildings and in fields for a reason and it's because if there are shadows across them, they don't get as much power. Winters are also hard because the days are shorter and the sun is weaker, so in most places, you'll be reliant on a generator for power in the winter.

Now I hear what you're saying "but Angel! We'll have wind turbines too!" Fantastic, and how are you going to maintain them? Those massive white ones you see in fields are out of most people's price ranges and the smaller ones are at risk of being damaged by debris during rough winds or a storm. Which is fine, if it's not your only power supply, but if you're dependent on it, that's a problem.

Now let's move on to other things, because that's important. How are you going to live off the land? Farm it? Raise animals? Hunt? How are you going to pay for the equipment you'll need to farm crops or butcher livestock? How are you going to feed the livestock? My family has goats and chickens, those mother fuckers eat A LOT and it isn't cheap. How are you going to pasteurize the milk you get from animals? What's your plan if your crop fails, how do you feed your group?

How about buildings? First of all, how do you plan to get permits to build? Just because you own the land doesn't mean you can do whatever you want on it, you need to talk to Conservation, Zoning, and your municipality before you break ground and that can take months or even years. How do you plan on getting the buildings up? Do you know how much heavy machinery costs to rent? Do you know how much building supplies cost? What's your plan if something goes wrong, because it can. Do you have the skills needed to operate the type of heavy machinery used in construction? Do you have the safety training to minimize the likelihood of someone getting hurt or killed?

How are you going to take care of yourselves? Remember, you won't be going forever, what happens when you physically can't work the fields anymore? What happens when you need regular treatment for your ailments? Farming and construction are hard jobs, they take a toll on the body. Do you go to the doctors outside of your group, or do you hope that the medical knowledge any members of your group brought with them 5, 10, 15 years ago is still accurate? That they still remember how to perform those treatments? How will you get equipment if you need it brought home, can your power grid even support it?

What are you going to do about sewage? The septic tank will get full eventually, who do you call to empty it? Can you afford to get it emptied with all the other expenses you have? What if your septic tank needs replacing? Who do you call to do that, can you afford to do it yourself? If you can do it yourself, what do you do with the broken tank?

What about money, how are you going to fund this operation, because that'll be a big one. If you want farmable land, you're going to need to buy land with fertile soil, which can be insanely expensive, then in top of it, you'll need seeds, fertilizer, farming equipment, fencing, storage containers like silos, and labour, none of which is cheap. And all of which needs to be purchased repeatedly, such as seeds and fertilizer, or needs to be maintained, such as silos and farm equipment. How do you plan on upholding those costs?

How do you ensure that your farming community doesn't just die out after 1 generation? How will you recruit new members? How can you make people want to come work for you? Can you afford to make it worth their while?

Listen, I understand wanting to build your own community and I'm not necessarily knocking that. What I am saying is, let's be realistic here. Trying to remove yourself completely from society is not a solution, not a long term one at least. If you want to empower yourself and other women, you need to actually fight to make a better society.

Get a degree in something useful, like chemistry, biology, social work, nursing, teaching, etc, and then volunteer with educational programs for girl children and adolescents. Take on female apprentices and teach them what you know! If you have a degree in something like Early Childhood Education and are working at or run a daycare, reach out to your local women's shelter and offer to take in some of the young children there, free of charge, so their mothers don't have to worry about childcare while job/house hunting. If you get a medical doctorate, do research on female specific illnesses, apply for study grants and make yourself heard!

If you work in Social Work, focus on women! Make women's only addiction recovery, homeless services, housing services, and long term care services! If you want to get a job in agriculture, do it, and then take on female apprentices! If you're in a trade, volunteer some of your time to women's shelters teaching women the basics of home maintenance and repair, as well as servicing the shelter. They often struggle for funding and if you'll redo their roof for the cost of materials, or can fix some plumbing issues, that takes a load of their plate! If you're in an office setting, team up with your fellow women and push for more wages and promotions, build each other up!

You will have to fight for these, and that's okay! Do you think the first Suffragettes just gave up when it got hard, hopped on a boat, and found an uninhabited island to make a commune on? NO! They stayed and they fought, and it was hard, and they were ridiculed and judged but because of them, women can vote today, we can own property!

Being a woman in society is hard but the solution is not to run off and live like pioneers with no sustainability! The solution is to dig out heels in, and push for a better society so that women tomorrow don't have to.

[callmethehunter]

Oh dear Anon, you have made my day! These are great questions about my favorite subject in the world: Robert Plant.:D And as far as that goes, I could (and will) go on and on about this forever, I’ve got so much to say!!

I’ve been obsessed with Robert’s music as well as with his personal life for years. I find him to be a multifaceted, highly talented and intelligent person who embodies traits that one would think were mutually exclusive, yet are somehow at home in him. He is without a doubt, totally outrageous and extroverted, he wants to be the center of attention, yet he is also reclusive, a deep thinker who is keenly aware of the world around him while also being introspective and self-aware. In his own words he has said

“It's part of me to get off on those moments where... well, what people would call attention. Obviously, that isn't the be-all and end-all of life, but at the states of creativity that I've reached, well, it helps the lyrics along a little bit.”

“ I’m pleased with how ridiculous I am. I like me. Though I’m not a huge fan. I know when to switch me off.”

I do think he has a very warm heart. He is genuinely interested in other people, in experiencing the most out of any given situation.

In my opinion, he loves the idea and the feeling of falling in love. He gets off more on that than on the longevity. It’s like he’s got ADHD in the aspect of love lol!! I say this because of the number of serious relationships (and not so serious relationships) that he has had in his life. I’m sure he was saddened when they ended, but then he’s moved on to the next great infatuation and adventure. He’s quite capable of starting again, as he has shown multiple times both in his personal and professional life. But I also think it’s a testimony to his heart that he’s been able to continue to be friends with his past loves. “There have been people I've warmed to over the years but, as the situation I'm in is so fleeting and transient, I've always known it's going to be over kind of real quick.”

I mean think about this: after having children with two sisters, Maureen (his exwife) and Shirley, they have been able to raise their children in what looks like a loving extended family. His sons, Logan (with Maureen) and Jesse (with Shirley), are half-brothers as well as first cousins. Just think on that for a moment. In a recent picture, there’s the entire family on vacation: Maureen, Shirley and their children with Robert, as well as Robert and a previous girlfriend, Jessica something or other (don’t remember her name). He’s not confined to societal conventions. He could give a flying fuck. I love that free spirit and he himself has said (and I paraphrase) that he may come across as being a good mate, but in reality he’s out to do whatever the fuck he wants. (And it shows!! )

He says, “...if you do what you think is right for the benefit of everybody and everything and you make decisions, then to go back and regret them afterwards - it's a futile experience and it's not worth thinking about. Because life just unfolds. Provided you do your best and you think you're on the right track, you can only be right or wrong. But to regret it - I don't think there are any huge errors or misdemeanors.”

In the area of friendship, however, he is fiercely loyal. He and Bonzo were like brothers till the end, and even still, Robert honors his dear friend. He’s also been able to maintain friendships with so many people from his hometown- people he knew before he was famous. He puts away the trappings of fame and fortune to be the good old Black Country boy, riding horses and playing with goats, walking around in the forests and enjoying nature.

“I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.” He is the picture of the word “earthiness”. Able to be the rock god on stage as well as the humble farmer on the farm or at the local pub. He’s loyal to his soccer team and to the sport itself which has been a lifelong passion. And I love that in him.

Is he a hedonist? Absolutely, he has tasted every pleasure there is to taste. His every material wish could be a reality in an instant...He has done drugs, had hundreds of one night stands. He is a highly sensual man. IMO the sexiest man that’s ever walked the planet. His sizeable bulge perpetually stands* as a symbol (no pun intended*) of his virility and lust (and I like it!!) He exudes charisma and raw sexual energy. He’s done it all to the highest level, partied and cavorted around the globe. What a life he’s lived!!

But in his lyrics there is also a deep spiritual side of him: I think he is a modern day troubadour and philosopher. His lyrics touch on that, “it is the springtime of my loving” ….“In the light you will find the road” “when all is one and one is all” “Then as it was, then again it will be, though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea” and I could go on and on with other examples. These are just what popped in my head. “I am a reflection of what I sing. Sometimes I have to get serious because the things Ive been through are serious” He’s had moments where he is the “golden god” as well as tragic moments such as the loss of his 5 year old son and the loss of his dear friend Bonzo. These are definitely reflected in his music.

All in all, in his own words:

“I'm like one of those firecrackers that goes off in your pocket occasionally. I'm not really struggling with it as much as the people around me. But at least I'm not doing too much damage to anybody or to myself. It's just the condition I'm aware of.

And he’s still got a twinkle in his eye.

Thank you for letting me go and on about this man, he holds such a special place in my heart. He is a beautiful and joyous old hippie full of wisdom and talent.. He has created a lasting legacy and I hold the deepest admiration for him, despite his human frailties or shortcomings.

[whochromatic]

I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must...

*reads it anyways*

Why did I do that. Damnit, I should've known that reading that chapter would have re-activated my need for more. I was way better off ignoring anything related to Yohaji and just went about my day, not thinking about Yohaji every minute of the hour of the day of the week. But the damage has been done. Now I have to read the whole manga all over again just to satisfy myself once again. But no. That's not enough. I searched every corner to hunt every single content of Yohaji. Tumblr. Twitter. Youtube. Tiktok. Ao3. Our lord and savior Canada's account. The giver of reason in life, one who resurrects the dead, the sailor uniform to my life, Tanamai-sensei's account. I know that the Yohaji content in this world is not enough and will NEVER be. The moment I discovered this manga, I knew that it would be my life. The fact that it had only reached me last year, ber month is unforgivable. Why did it not have content as many as the amount of numbers there are to exist so that it could reach me at the start of it's existence? It should have been Yohaji. Not BNHA! Nothing against that anime by the way. Well, I am grateful that I stumbled upon Yohaji while it had 100+ chapters though. And the fandom being small enough to only have nice and cool people in it. But those fics in ao3 though? Why- I mean, I don't really care or pay attention to them but the fact that the amount of nsfw fanfics is probably (I'm saying probably because they might just be more) equal to the amount of sfw fanfics in there is- I swear, WHY ARE THERE SO LITTLE FANFICS OF YOHAJI?! 3 PAGES?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? There might be more in other places but I only read in ao3 and Tumblr if I find some there. I'm so thankful for the translators though!!! I love y'all. I love the fandom. I love the characters. I love Yohaji. I love the creator. God- sorry I forgot I can't use sensei's name in vain. I'm telling y'all, Tanamai is the GOAT. A GENIUS!! Your brain is beautiful. What goes on in head yours? Tell and everyone might gain more braincells. What's with you? What's with your humor?? What's with your lore?! WHAT'S WITH YOUR ART??? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?! SENSEI WHEN I CATCH YOU OHH WHEN I CATCH YOU. But of course, it's not your fault that I'm starving for more Yohaji chapters. One month is nothing to me- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THIS WONDERFUL AND HEAVENLY HOOK THAT CAUGHT ME EVEN ONLY WITH IT'S TITLE AND ART?? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE?!?! Senseiiiiii*sob* waaaaaahh... Still, I'm sooo happy this is getting an anime this year!! I've been waiting for this ever since I found out it existed along with other Yohaji fans. I knew it would happen soon enough because it's the law. It's a crime to not make an adaption of amazing yet weird yet amazing manga like no other. Death row. DEATH ROW!! It's fine even if it's low quality. As long as it exists, I can finally pass on peacefully- when it airs it better be as good as the manga and look immaculate, I'm telling you. Haha, just kidding. Or am I..? I cannot wait until April or whatever how long it takes for the anime to air just please. Please even the trailer only. But I'm sure everyone is already working hard to make the anime for it. Do your best!! You're doing the right thing! And.... uhm.. 24 episodes... please..? AHHH HARUAKI'S SMILEEE!!! IT'S INVADING MY MIND!! GET OUT! PLEASE GET OUT!!! THIS LOWLY UNGRATEFUL UNDESERVING WORSE THAN DUST BUZZ BUZZ KILLABLE STUPID MORTAL ABOMINATION CAN'T HANDLE OR DESERVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't do this. More. More. More Yohaji. I NEED IT. IF AIR AND SAILOR UNIFORM IS LIFE THEN SO IS YOHAJI!! RAAAAAAAHHH

Also I accidentally deleted a longer version of this and rewrote it with my memory. Thanks for wasting your time on this like I did.

[honeyfizzly]

I'm constantly flipping back and forth wether I should trust tabitha or not because Its really suspicious how protective she is of us, even if we're an complete asshole to her.

Also there's the whole ritual thing going on with the goat, it could be possible that tabitha has ulterior motives and wants us alive because ... well idk a sacrifice seems the most obvious option but whatever she needs done, it seems to hinge on the mc's health.

There's also her connection to Wayne and the death of her mother.

Wayne apparently disappeared at the estate around the same time pearlanne did and pearlanne died of sleep apnea but apparently had no autopsy. I've seen some people propose the idea that tabitha mightve smothered her mother with a pillow, and I think that could check out.

Apparently it's very hard to tell if someone was suffocated with a pillow or not, and often times investigators have to rely on checking fibers near the victims mouth and eyes to idenity what suffocated them, and handprints + finger marks.

You also have to be relatively strong to suffocate someone- which powerful build can say tabitha is surprising strong despite her size (it's if tabitha threatens you and then you push her off)- and most of the time the victims for suffocation are people who would be unable to fight back like children or elderly (I'm not sure how old pearlanne is, but her corpse looks pretty damn old. Since tabitha is in for early to mid twenties iirc, I think I would place pearlanne somewhere in her 50s-early 60s?).

Also it's very clear tabitha did not like her mother, and calls her a monster. So like I feel like it adds up that tabitha is perfectly capable of murder and able to do it again (rip reese) but also at the same time, I have a hard time thinking she's preparing to do something terrible to mc especially if you go down routes where you have a good (or good-ish) relationships with her.

Like, for example with my main mc Mckenna (yes I chose her name cause it had mc in it) I stayed the night at Stella's, hung out with her in the mines and on day 3 but didn't invite her ghost hunting, then when I got threatened in her office on day 4 and had mckenna cry I got a couple very interesting reactions.

(Sorry for not actually having a screenshot and just a picture, my computer is weird. Also one more note, this was when a strike was strong, I'll have to check what happens when the strike is weak but I have a similar relationship with Tabitha still)

This was the interaction I got when I said "im sorry, I know I haven't been the best cousin" iirc and she falt out admits she's jealous of us.

But we can also get this dialogue instead if we ask why she invited us at all if she hated us so much

(Once again sorry for bad pic 💔)

And idk maybe I'm the fool for trusting but that line about being family, and how that still means something to her feels so geninue it makes me doubt she actually intends to harm the mc.

Plus there's other interactions you can get with Tabitha, like if you have a very good relationship with her and question if she's happy in scarlet hollow or not she'll say no, but that she's happy you're here.

And idk, I just feel like somebody who had already planned to stab us in the back from the very start wouldnt be able to open up that much and be that vulnerable with their potential victim.

Also tabitha herself states she didn't want to like us (you get this by hanging out with tabby and calling her hypocritical for giving us such a hard time for living in the city), which of course could be spinned towards the idea that tabitha is planning to backstab us but also at the same time, it's not an uncommon defense mechanism for traumatized people to push away loved ones.

Tabitha has had a very hard life- from the pressure of being one of two scarlets left, having to run a dying coal mine, and the abuse from her mother to then her sudden death (and also her mother maybe possibly killing her ex).

It's very possible alot of her standoff-ness towards the player isn't because she has some malicious scheme, but rather it's her way of coping with the shitty cards she's been dealt in life (like the idea of pushing people away so you won't be hurt if they betray or leave you. It's a toxic mentality to have as it creates a self fulfilling prophecy, but it's a mentality some people have nonetheless).

I rambled alot but those are just some of my thoughts about tabitha. It's obvious she's gonna do something weird with that goat (my first idea is a sacrifice), but I'm not entirely sure wether she intended to betray the mc or not from the beginning (I lean towards not but I can still see a situation where she didn't intend to betray the mc from the start, but does so later depending on your relationship with her).

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 2 Part 6 Group 28

Propaganda and further images under the cut

(Mod Note: For increased clarity, Ghost House’s name and photo have been altered)

Chimeron: Evan Kelmp, Karen Kieko Tanaka, Whitney Jammer, Sam Black

Bad Kids: Riz "The Ball" Gukgak, Adaine Abernant, Fabian Aramaris Seacaster, Gorgug Thistlespring, Figueroth "Fig" Faeth, Kristen Applebees (& Ragh Barkrock)

Chimeron:

They’re just my little guys I love them so so much :((( sweetest guys ever

Bad Kids:

before i start the pictures below are by isawiitch (https://www.tumblr.com/isawiitch), victor rosas (https://twitter.com/SirVictorThe2nd), and m0nomercy (https://www.tumblr.com/m0nomercy) respectively check them out they're very cool and also that middle guy did the official art for fantasy high its very cool

anyways

all of these dumb teens are just god they complete each other they're the most important people in the world to each other like fabian and gorgug meeting with a punch to the stomach and going on to share a hug in an evil forest and "DO YOU WANT ME TO BITE IT OUT FOR YOU" "the ball, wait" -riz and fabian and kristen's really bad inspiring speech (they're gonna get inspiring real soon) but they are inspiring because they're from the best and sweetest friend in the whole world and gorgug getting razzed a little for thinking random people are his dad and the sheer joy everyone felt for him when he met his real parents and RIZ THE BALL GUKGAK AND FABIAN SEACASTER THE DUO OF ALL TIME and adaine learning to be a normal teen and fig swearing she's not an open person when she pours her heart out to her friends every chance she gets and riz and adaine being the only two non-horny members of the team and bonding over that and being smart but terrible in social interactions together and "its called being gay, when you're here you're family" -kristen applebees, 2019 and fig starting a band with gorgug, one of the more socially awkward members of the party and "what would riz do" "you bite down hard on a piece of glass" and adaine's actual worst fear being what she would become after her friends passed and the KILL YOUR DAD chant and its gorgug keep going and all of them feeling each others' overcoming of fear in the forest of the nightmare king no matter how far apart they are and riz shooting off an incel's fingers for being weird about adaine (there was other stuff going on but you can't convince me that it wasn't at least partially because of that) and the gang not really letting gorgug and kristen forget that one time they died (they got better and were psychologically okay with it after a bit so this was lighthearted jabs and not straight-up reminding them of a big traumatic moment) and "my friends were warmer to me on the first day that we met than you were to me in my whole life" -adaine abernant, 2020

AND that doesn't even include all the crazy stuff with bad kids-adjacent found family members like gilear faeth getting his life back together thanks to these teens and jawbone o'shaughnessy being the dad of all time to the point where he actually adopts adaine at the end of sophomore year and aelwyn abernant holy shit (she's harder to justify here because her main important interactions are with her sister, unlike gilear who is technically fig's stepdad but is a core part of the found family in all directions) aelwyn abernant is trying so desperately hard to be better and ayda aguefort and adaine swapping homemade spells named after each other (adaine kills her dad with hers its a good time) and ragh barkrock getting over his internalized homophobia

SO IN CONCLUSION these guys have changed each other so much and every single combination of them, be it a duo or a trio or whatever has a distinct dynamic thats so so important to me. they're all family to each other, some of them more than even their real families. they are the guys of all time and my blorbos even and are a wicked good found family

Sometimes a family is the kids who all got detention together on the first day of school at adventuring academy.

And sometimes that family is:

A Half-elf-Half-Pirate rich boy who killed toxic masculinity by learning how to dance, and mercy-killed his father by stabbing him with a sword.

"The Greatest Wizard of this Age" (actually a Barbarian who took a level in artificer to boost his cellphone-reception to call and apologize to his satyr girlfriend) Half-Orc drummer who was adopted by Gnomes;

A bisexual Punk-rocker Tiefling who thought she was a wood-elf until her horns came-in & caused her and her adoptive father to discover that her biological father is actually an Archdevil;

The Elven Oracle (later just "The Oracle"/"Everybody's Oracle") who was adopted by the school's Werewolf Guidance Councilor after her evil parents disowned her (she later punched her evil bio-dad to death in a single round of combat, despite being a magic caster);

An aro-ace (un)licensed Private Investigator Goblin who carries a briefcase and ate the face of the dragon that ate his father;

And a lesbian ex-fundie human who met the corn-god her family worships, found out he sucks & left the church and her family, CREATED HER OWN GOD (of Buzzfeed listical symbols, known first as "YES!" then later "YES?"), only to then abandon that god to become the Saint of the long forgotten Goddex/Goddess of Mystery, Night and Magic.

(Optionally, add in the Half-Orc repressed-gay bully they befriended and helped come out)

And sometimes, that found family becomes a literal family, because over the course of the series:

Fig's mom starts dating Adaine's adoptive dad,

Fig's adoptive dad gets engaged to Fabian's mom,

Fig's biological dad starts dating Riz's mom,

Kirsten starts dating the niece of Adaine's adoptive dad/Fig's mom' boyfriend.

(Gorgug is the only one who still isn't related to the others, but he did find his biological parents. And although he still lives with his adoptive parents, he is now in the famous band "Fig and the Cig Figs" along-side his bio-parents, Fig, and Fig's bio-dad)

Currently, Fig, Adaine, Kirsten, Fig's mom, Adaine's adopted dad, Kirsten's GF, Adaine's biological older sister, Adaine's sister's ghost fiancé, Ragh, Ragh's mom, and Fig's Half-Phoenix librarian/pirate GF all live in one giant haunted old Victorian-style Manor.

[trikruismybitch]

Funny Prompts

* “Listen, (name) would underatand cause (pronoun) has realistic expectations of what I am. And what I am is sexy trash.”

* “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I have terrible judgment.”

* “That’s not me.” “That’s not you?” “Nope.”

* “Ugh, as if!”

* “I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.” (Something happens) “I object!”

* “What am I allergic too?” “Pine nuts....and the full spectrum of human emotions.”

* “I would have given everything to be exactly like everyone else.” *scoffs* “You wanted to be petty and dishonest?”

* “I’m surrounded be idiots.”

* “The only thing going down is your husband in another women.”

* “You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!”

* “It’s not my fault you dated a bunch of losers till you met me.”

* “I’ll admit that sometimes I tune people out but mostly because they rarely have anything useful or interesting to say!”

* “It is possible to be right and foolish.” 

* “I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.”

* “Badges? We ain’t got no badges? We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!”

* ”just when I thought I was out they pull me back in.”

* "People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.”

* "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

* “It’s just a flesh wound” “Your bleeding out!”

* “I am serious and don’t call me Sherley.”

* “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

* “I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.”

* "If I wasn't terrified of heights, I'd like this. But, I'm terrified of heights, so I don't like this."

* "Liar! Try me again, and I promise you that you and I are gonna have a Middle Passage experience, a fight for survival, and I will win. Have I made myself clear? Clear?"

* "That's it, Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!"

* “(Name), You Have The Right To Remain Silent. What You Lack Is The Capacity."

* “That’s like a big misconception. I’m not shy! I just don’t speak if I don’t have anything to say.”

* “I refuse to answer that on the grounds of I don’t want to.”

* “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

* “It’s not bragging if it’s true.”

* “She is more like “girl with dragon tattoo" than “the girl next door”

* “I'm (Name). I know everything.”

* “I will slap the taste out of your mouth.”

* “Give me a mountain, I’ll climb it. Give me a Katy Perry song, I’ll sing it.”

* “You think you can rattle me I am un-ratable.”

* “There is no such thing as bad ideas. Just poorly executed awesome ideas.”

* “(Name) smiles. Alert the media!”

* “You know, I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version.”

* “Some girls just can’t resist my good looks, my style and my charm, and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift.”

* “Hopefully your hero hair hasn’t fallen out by then.”

* “I was ambushed. I was shot. Now, I’m vengeful.”

* “Kiss me or kill me. We both know you’re only capable of one.”

* “I’m a terrible liar… I’m even worse at duplicity.”

* “I’ve been dead before. I got over it.”

* “I’m lost… metaphorically, existentially.”

* “Impressive, you’re like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage.”

* “We have Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Boyz II Men…(Name).”

* “When 9 Russians tell you you’re drunk, you lie down.”

* “And you’ve hot your complaint quota for the day. Congratulations you are officially the worst.”

* “No one is going to respect you until you show them who you really are, so if you wear old lady choker scarves, you're going to get old lady goats.”

* “Have I mentioned that I've had a rotten couple of months?”

* “Oh come on, (name), for once in your immortal life can you not be so noble?”

* “Careful, Sabine, or Celeste, or whatever you like to call yourself. Sudden moves make me jumpy and homicidal.”

* “Remind me to annihilate your brother once you're healthy.” “Yes, remind me to remind you to get in line.”

* “I thought I told you to stay put” “well I hate being told what to do so I ignored you.”

* “The only thing delicate about you is your ego” “When placed beside the behemoth size of yours, certainly.”

* “You and I on the same team. It must be Christmas.”

* “(name) isn't dead yet? Well, good on them! I love a good survival story!”

* ”dull, dreary, hideous” “You talking about the clothes or something else?” “Why, are you feeling insecure?”

* “There, there, little lambs. Us girls have got to stick together.”

* “Option one, go about your business like a good little boy. Option two, violent disembowelment. What’s it going to be?”

* “I know I called you bro, but I lowkey wanna marry you.”

* “I love making people who already hate me, hate me more.”

* “I’m not rude, your just not used to being around honest people.”

* “once I start taking my own advice it’s over for you bitches.”

* “I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.”

* “I’m being nice to you. Have I stabbed you? No.”

* “Don’t confuse my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am, but my attitude? That depends on you.”

* “If you want me to control my temper you better control your stupidity.”

* “It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

* “I’m so glad you stopped talking to me, it’s like the trash took itself out.”

* “If I was meant to be controlled I would’ve come with a remote.”

* “I know looks aren’t everything but I have them just in case.”

* “I rolled my eyes so hard, I just checked out my own ass.”

* “You think I’m crying about you? No I’m crying about all the time I wasted on you.”

* “You say you hate me, but you still watch me the most, it’s pathetic.”

* “You hate my attitude? *laughs* Then report me to whocares.com.”

* “If you tell me not to do something, I’ll do it twice and take pictures.”

* “Scars heal” “No they don’t wounds heal” “Oh yeah. What do scars do? They fade I guess?” “I don’t care what scars do.” “You should (name)”

* “You amuse me, I will make you mine.”

* (Name does/says something cute) “You know I once saw a really fat baby giving Eskimo kisses to a kitten and that was more adorable.”

* “I want to know how the fuck this happened, when the fuck, why the fuck and what the fucking fuck."

* “Do I regret it, yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”

* “If you were my wife I’d put poison in your coffee.” “If you were my husband I’d drink it.”

* “Being attractive doesn’t preclude being intelligent” “so your saying your not attractive smart“ “No, I happen to be both.”

* “I don’t apologize because I never make mistakes.”

* “Goodmorning” “goodmorning” “goodmorning, not you, you can choke” “wait happened?” “I ate their last cookies” “THEY WERE SPECIAL COOKIES!”

* “if you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”

* “No I checked my receipt, I didn’t buy any of your bullshit.”

* “the difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.”

* “don’t like me? have seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck."

* “If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.”

* “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

* *insults R* “Why are you laughing?” “I always laugh when people try to hurt my feelings as if I have any.”

* “I hope Karma slaps you in the face before I do.”

* “Sweetheart, I’m as sweet as sugar, hard as ice. If you hurt me once, I’ll kill you twice.”

* “What’s the problem? I don’t have a problem, I have multiple problems. Plural. Wanna hear?