#when we both know she wont be ready like its been 11 years girl i know youre not gonna be ready in time for a 12 oclock meet

[nerdie-faerie]

Tryna organise plans with one of my oldest friends for the winter break, and this girl has always been consistently late. I always let her choose what time we meet to avoid this but pretty much every time without fail, after I've already set off she'll ask to postpone by half an hour and then still be late. So this time I suggested meeting later than usual because where she wants to meet will take me two hours to get to but no. This time, she wants to meet earlier as if she isn't always late 😭

[cherikdating]

I haven't posted any fics yet(maybe I wont ever post them🤣)but I will answer anyway,thank you for @ me🤭

One-shots,if I try multi-chapters I gets a bit lost.

I am trying to plan more nowadays but mostly I write as I go and then correct some things that dont make sense.

I make a whole story in my mind and then cry because is too hard to write then,then I write and it looks horrible so I delete and do it again.

Dreams mostly,my dreams are very creative and tell storys and I watch them happen is really fun,when its not dreams is literary anything aleatory like a thought that I dont even know why I was thinking,a song,somenthing that someone said,a word,a object,etc.

I do,but do it gently because I will cry if someone say somenthing mean to me.

I still haven't shared anything I have wrote so not yet but if I ever do it I will look for a beta.

Usually the pov is chosen based in how much I identify with that character,however if I can identify with both I will do it in third person,but sometimes it just like happen at the time.

All of them are hard and make my life harder,I love them all.

When my anxiety leave me alone I always comment somenthing but usually I am too anxious to say anything so I'm not able to😅

(I am jumping those if I remember I will comeback to them)

I'm not really sure it's been years since I've posted somenthing and now I prefer to do only after finishing but I guess it would be nice knowing that people like my storys

Organizing what happen in like a time line but usually I just write and then go back to check if I didn't fucked everything up

I like to write emocional scenes in the moment I am feeling it,if it's somenthing that I've never felt I just imagine myself in the situation till I am able to feel the same and imagine how it feels like,I always end up crying after but its also good and help me a lot in my mental health

I don't feel much comfortable writing smut scenes so if write them I try to not be much detailing and only focus in what the characters are feeling

SO MANY SO MANY,I have one where Charles is more of a paternal figure to Raven and just turned 18 and is raising her who is 10/12 and Erik is her teacher who worries because Charles doesn't let her be herself and always ask her to make sure she isn't using her real appearance,Charles does it for safety though because of his childhood and how his father experiments affected him he is scared that if people discover what Raven mutation is they are going to do the same to her or her suffering prejudice and being attacked for how she looks, there's so muuuch I want to write it so much but I can't jaydyw I am a mess I have so many ideas but when I start to write everything just fucks up and I don't know what to do

I get annoyed because I can't write and frustrated too,I love writing,I have been writing since I was 11 everyday and now I am not even capable of doing it, it's frustrating

After everything is ready I reread it and look for a important word that they said or thought but usually I am horrible giving titles🤣

I still haven't posted nothing but of course I will always use erik is crushing harder than a 12 year old girl(is it that?i don't remember and dont wanna look LOL)

Traumas,I had to deal with so many things while growing up and this is somenthing I like to talk about like the character parents being abusive and they making sure that in the future they looking for safety and healthy relationships with the people around them

YES OF COURSE,I do only scared to disappoint the other writer though LOL I like to write but this doesn't mean I am good at it so I do get a little insecure about it

I never write anything with a character suffer with rape and that there's mob,I don't like it makes me uncomfortable

Just write what do you like,make sure to take notes of all the ideas,I saw some videos of people saying this and I thought it was nice is a simple advice but like it seems so obvious but we usually dont think of it

Just your wanting make you can do it,lol thats not true,want doesn't really help much and thinking that only by wanting we can do somenthing make it even worse when we cant,like I WANT to write right and I want so much but I just can't

I never posted anything but I don't usually think of getting much response because it equal to attention🤣 I get a bit scared if I actually get the attention for somenthing

The one Erik and Charles work in the mutant division of police force,I dont know why but yes this one

I love when I get the ideas and start to write them down,I am able to make some aleatory parts but then its so hard to find what will fill the empty spaces to connect those parts,and the end is kind hard too

It depends so much, there's days that I could spend the whole day writing but theres days,weeks sometimes moths thats I cant just write nothing

I try to slowly read everything and make sure that everything match and if my mind didn't wander away and start to write somenthing that completely change the story to the point that unrecognizable and dont make sense,if this happen I delete everything and start again

Rough,I dont have much sense lol so I just do it because if I wait till looks better I will have a existencial crisis and never post🤣🤣

The characters,everytime I have a ideia the character are the first ones that I focus and have to know who they are like is this a idea for a fanfic or is somenthing I want to write to myself only?or is somenthing that I wanna write and publish some days?if its only for myself I use the character that I have for that they are kinda self insert storys so I use the same character in everyone of them,if it's a fic I immediately need to know who is focuses on who is narrating or being the focus,if its something I wanna publish I need to discover who those characters are and their storys from before that

I CANT REMEBER ANYONEUWGWUD I NEVER SAVE THE FICS I READ ONCE BECAUSE I AM DUMB THEN I DINT KNOW WHO WROTE THEM

YES so much it's been a dream since I started to write

Honestly?in the same I am right now😬 it takes a long time to finish some storys so I honestly think I will still be writing fanfics to have fun and planning what happen next in my books and fixing somethings,etc

Why are they a villain,what are their reasons,what happened to them to follow this pat,also the most important is are they smart?are they greedy?those influence a lot a villain decisions

I try to remember what I felt when someone I liked gave me a peck because I like to focus on the feelings then I think about how they are being hold and holding the other person and if they are feeling comfortable or so into the kiss that their minds are kinda just clouded or if they are so nervous to the point that they are way to much aware

I just get a feeling that it should end in there🤣

I don't think so because I can't guarantee that I will be able to write that or if I will just disappear for the next year because my mental health decided that I wont write

The writing is terrible ok I was sleeping when I did it and I woke up with this idea😭 "In the moment that he is conscious he can feel Charles curled around his mind like a cat begging to be cuddle,Charles was at the mansion in a some more than far kilometers away but as a routine he was always around,they discovered in the worst way how painful it was to not having their minds connected," lol its such a cute start but just know that Erik is having a sexuality crisis because Charles sucked his dick in the day before🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

No idea ANYTHING REALLY I would be so fucking happy with any fan art and would scream of happiness about it for years

One and done,I just reread them when I forgot about everything🤣

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4858100/chapters/11132864#workskin I dont know if the link is working,yes read it its so good

I dont take joy and I would kill for them but also when they suffer I like to cry🤣😭

I dont have one but I am sure I do way to many mistakes

I want to break them,make them cry and beg and then make them happy and give them the world🤣🤣

I'm not sure👉🏽👈🏽😶 i mean there's some suffering,some trauma dump because lol I connect this way to the characters but also a lot of happiness

Two times if I am in the mood🤣

Someone who will have a bunch of patience because it's probably that I will keep making a mistake because I will forget about what they told me,and also someone who will be brutally honest but in a way that wont make me cry and have a crisis,also I am not smart I have a lot of difficulty understandings some things wich can be very annoying to anyone

I posted once on wattpad,someone called me a bitch and said I was plagiarizing,when I went to talk to the person she only played dumb,I got really emotional over it lol I wasn't in a good place at the time and after sometime I wasn't even able to write it wasn't because of what she said but definitely collaborated so I just deleted the fanfic and never tried again.

3 storys in the same universe,which one is a one-shots,its actually the ones where Charles and Erik work in the mutant force in the police

Still dont have

I always answered too and if I post somenthing I plan on answer even if is just a thank you

I am more of a reader than a writer,I like to read a lot of fanfics,writing is more complicated wanting it or not so reading is better

Connecting with the characters and understanding them

I would say Erik,Erik is the character I most felt connected to since I was little even though I didn't understand much what Xmen was about when I was little so it's easier to write thinking of him but also harder because I wanna respect him

No idea😬

A bit of both I think

Brainstorming is so fun,I love how excited I get when I have a new idea and need some more to complete it

Nope,not really unless I grew closer to the person and they also like Cherik and write too,other than that no way

Not a write but once a artist that I like loved a fanart that I made based on their fanart(they asked to) so that was nice

I DON'T KNOW🤣🤣🤣 I guess is just the way I am able to show my love for those characters

I love it,it makes me literary jump of excitement to discover what happen next

Not sure I dont read enough smut to have stopped to think of it I guess

I like like they slowly going for it you know with the care before sex to make sure both are into it and comfortable,also when the character smile while kissing and sex I JUST LOVE IT

Cherik mutant policie division I WANT TO WRITE IT SO FUCKING MUCH BUT IS ALSO SO HARD,also my original story which I plan to write as a comic too I am so excited for it

I dont,thats why I dont post before finishing,which I still haven't done🤣

everything I guess

I try to relax and imagine the scenarios

Omg the first storys I posted...I am extremely embarrassed of them so I deleted them from existence,I am also a bit embarrassed with my self insert storys that I still writing till nowadays only for me but well its noce and I'm not stopping

Neither,I am not embarrassed but I don't want to tell people I write because I am kinda jealous of my storys and a bit paranoid too

I make a separated folder which I separate everything and am able to keep notes and more of everything

Beggining,then favorite scenes,then how I want it to end,then aleatory scenes,the hard part its to connect all of it

I dont really think it stand of anything really,I just do fanfics for fun so I don't really think I have to be able to make it stand I just want to make it good enough to not be annoying and a lost of time to people to read it

I talk to much so at the notes I would probably say somenthing or maybe the way I describe somethings and talk about the characters traumas? No idea I will try this someday

The one that I talked about in here and posted a bit of like I am at the beggining and is already difficult,every fic that I have its taking a long time though

I had wrote some things and then deleted in this same one that I posted a bit in here,it turned VERY SEXUAL like a lot and I wasn't comfortable with it

I dont think I have a favorite scene in any of my fics yet.

AND I FINISH,it took me sometime lol sorry I was sick as fuck and wasn't able to answer everything before so I did it little by little and finished today,thanks for @ me🥺🥺🥺,I am shy but if anyone want to turn friends yeees send me a dm I would love too

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[randomsevans]

pain of being in love part 8.1

a/n : in the current time line the reader is around 25 / 26 while Chris is around 28/29 so is set around about 2010 , just roughly . although you can picture any time you want , im just trying to sick to thing the best i can . 

 Chris POV 

 11 years ago 

Once Chis got the call he was on his way to you in an instant . How dare some one stand you up ? were there stupid or what ? No matter what Chris was on his way to come and get you and find out the punks name and show him  how much he fucked up . Chris’ heart tighten when he heard you cry over the phone and dropped everything just to make you stop  .

When he picked you up and saw the red rings around your eyes he made it his mission to stop those tears and see that smile that make his chest flutter .So when you sat across the booth from from laughing and smile , his mission was couplet along with him no longer being hunger . But he saw your eyes brows brought to together and your eyes slightly widen with a rush a red onto your cheeks , as you were so clearly stuck in your own head . Chris did not think much about it , but he did not know that moment , that single second , single thought would play such a big part in not only your  future but his too  . Its kind of funny you never know that you are experiencing one of he most important events of your life ,not until after it happens .

10  years ago .

Chris stood at his truck all nervous and giddy , he had a journey of a life time a head of him . Moving to New York was just the begging he hoped , along with all his family . Who were standing on the side ready to send him off .

“ill be back soon ma , you know that . ill never be too far away “ he said as he hunched over his mother giving her a tight hug , while a tear escaped his eye , he has never been ashamed to cry especially when it comes to his mom .

“ i know but my boys all grown up “ Lisa says swaing her and Chris sided to side . as there part Lisa wipes Chris few tears “ oh dont cry son your going to be a big movie star . 

“Ma ! “ Chris chuckled shaking his head “ i highly doubt it “

“pfff what ever Christopher just dream big yeah ?” she said stepping away 

“yeah “ he agreed 

chris turned to his sibling with a big smile , saying his good byes to his sister he finally come to Scott 

“i aint gonna miss ya “Scott tease, once pulling away from there hug 

“oh yeah so whos gonna put up with all your shit “ chris shrugged , narrowing his eyes 

“ahhh duh thats what y/n for  “ 

Chris snapped his head to Scott side where he pointed, at hearing your name . There you stood next to his brother , in a yellow summer dress , flowing in the slight breeze , your hair just past your shoulder , with red checks and glossy eyes . You were breath taking. quite literally , but Chris soon shook  that thought away .

“take care of him would ya “ chris spoke taking a step closer to you 

you nodded your head and jumped into his arms , Chris quickly wrapped his arms around you as he buried his face in your hair while you tightly hugged his waist . All of a sudden the excitement of leaving was gone , with a feeling of longing and not wanting to move from where he was . You delicate  body wrapped up , him holding you tight , he felt like he could both breath and was breath taken all at once , his surrounding forgotten as he heard you tiny hiccups . The moment felt like it lasted for every and was so quick all together  As Scott cleared his voice . The pair of you slowly pulled away , but Chris had the argue to keep you close so he did so by keeping his hand o the small of your back . He glance down and saw your once glossy eyes were now a streaming river 

“ha ! ill tell you what i told ma ...”

“that you’ll be back soon, and your gonna be a movie star “ you giggled to yourself . The sound made chris heart saw but he did his best not to pay much attention to it .

“ i never said that “ chris shook his head , looking through his eyelashes at your glowing beauty , once again he shook that thought away immaturity . 

“ dont forget me when your all big and famous “  you sigh making directed eye contact with him , his breath hitched and his chest tighten at the thought of you thinking he could ever forget you 

“ i could never “ he quickly whispered but was soon replaced with “ no promise , id have get  to there first , “

you wen to playful slap his chest but he caught your wrist , mid air , he held it for a second and rubbed his thumb over your wrist. Until Lisa came  into view 

“ come on son you want to get there before theres to much traffic “

chris slowly let you arm fall to your side , while your finger tips were still slight touching , bring an electricity feeling to chris , but pulled his hand away as the feeling of not wanting to leave crepes back in 

he turned away from you .” yeah your probably right “ chris made his way to the truck  that engine  was already going , he jumped in and shut the door with a loud bang , while the widow was down fully 

“see ya soon “ he shouted 

“ bye . we will miss you “ 

“ i wont “ 

“ bye son “

“ love you “

“ dont come back until your rich and famous “

were just some of the response as Chris ,as he  turned on to the road with a wide small on his face , until he turned to his mirror and saw you standing , waving your hand slightly , his chest tighten once again unable to  breath nor tear his eyes away from you , the pit in his stomach grew as you got further out of view as he made his way to his new life . 

9 1/2 years ago 

The Evns household was full of commotion , as not only was Chris back in town , but it was Scotts and yours  senior prom . All day long Scott was stressing basically over nothing , while having you on the phone despite you coming over later . Lisa had spent the day running around making the day as best it could be for her baby boy.

Chris was shaking his head with a small smile on his face as he bounced down the stairs , hearing his sister arguing  , reminding him of what he leaves behind every time he goes back to New York . But Chris smile was short lived as he reached the bottom steps , walking straight into something . a faint sound of clinking could be heard 

“oh sorry i didnt see where i was going “

that voice made chris’ head snap up . He was met with a breath taking sight , quite literally Chris could not breath . There you stood before him . In a long maroon dress that reached the floor , with your hair in loss curls with the front pulled back . Your eyes shown against the smoky eye shadow. Chris took you in , looking you up and down through his eyelashes , only to land on yor lips , which where lump and glising under the hallway light  . 

“its nice to see you “ you sweet voice now broke him out of his trance as a smile played on your lips . Chris shook his head , trying to make sense of his mind .

“ummm ...you to... you loo..”

“aww there you are “ Scott voice boomed as he made his way towards the pair of  you , with Lisa following , camera   in hand .

“im here “ you said ding a little twirl as you held your dress up  a little 

“and dont you just look beautiful” lisa smiled towards you making you blush ,causing chris heart beat to excel  , he shoved his hands in his back pocket trying to avoid your gaze as he frighten he might just have a heart a attack  . 

“  i tell you what Jack is one lucky boy “ Scott teased making Chris shoot a look at you 

“oh shut up “ you playful pushed Scotts chest 

“what ! i though you were going with Scott you have a date ?” Chris was trying his best to hold of his anger as he spoken through gritted teeth , his fist forming in his back pocket 

“whats happening ? why am i anger ? im just protective over her thats all  “ Chris told him self 

you looked at him with wide eyes 

“umm uhh yeah i was but ...”your nevous clearly shown in your voice 

“until some hansom bitch came and cornered her in the hall yesterday and asked her out “ Scott finished for you clearly exited and not at all hurt that he does not have a date any more . 

“scott language “ Lisa scolded him , making  scott roll his eyes .

“and you said yes “ chris bitterly asked 

you just nodded you head as you and chris looked at each other not daring to break  eye contact .that feeling came back the one on the day he first left , not wanting to leave but now it was not wanting for you to leave and go and a date with some stupid boy that is mostly only trying to play you .

“okay picture  time !”

7 years ago 

(chris bring his first gf jessica belle home from hollywood )

Chris walked into his house with a hugh smile in his face , his nervous where at an all time high , but was under control thanks to the brunnett keep tightly in his arms 

“its going to be okay chris “ Jessica laughted 

“ i know , i know , there will love you , if anything i should be the one telling you everythings gonna be okay “ chris nervously chuckled making his way through the living room , walking past the christmas tree and all its decroations 

Chris was nervous , Jessica was the first girl he brought home to meet his family , that did not allready know her . Since his town is small everyone already knew eachother , therefore his girlfriends already knew his mom and family . Jessica saw and meet a diffent side to him . The one where he was now in movie 

*************

The day went smoothly everyone loved her and chris was happy . Sitting on the couch with his family and girlfriend ,chatting away until the door bell rang .

Scott jumped out of his seat and did a little ran . Chris head followed his movement till he got to the door and then turned back around to Jessica .

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Scott sang for the 100th time that day . Everyone in the room chuckled and turned to look at the next victim of Scott's singing

"AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU " a highter pitched voice mocking yet beautiful sang right back at Scott

That's when lisa now jumped out of her seat

"Oh dear merry Christmas. Come in come in " chris heared the front door closer and everyone got up to great the new guest . Chris was busy pulling Jessica up that he didnt realise almost everyone was seat back down

"Merry chr-" chris breath hitched as you stood in front of him in a lose fitting red dress with your hair loose half up and half down . While holding a tinned box in your hands

'What is it with not breathing when your in dresses "

Chris was lose in his thoughts until a tug at his left made him turned his head to look at jessica who nodded her head towards you .

"Oh right.... yeah "chris pulled Jessica by the waist closer to him . "Umm this Jessica my ... my girlfriend and jess this is .. y/n ..." chris nervously shuffled on his feet . His eyed wondering every where . The floor ceiling but there keeped finding there way to you looking you up and down

"Y/n ?" Jessica asked

"Oh I'm Scott's friend " you quickly answered for some reason .

"Ohhh that must be why I havnt heard about you "Jessica concluded . Causing you to scrunch up your face as chris heart dropped .

"...i..."

"Oh y/n plzzzzzzzzzz tell me there your cookies " scott come and stood inbetween the three and snatched the box out of y/n and ran off to the kitchen

Y/n stood there stunned for amont . Staring at her noe empty hands . Until her fist former and fell to her side slight stomping her foot as she turned and began to walk at a rate now man will escape

"Evan's "you began quickly

"Ummm" was all could be heard

"Give ... me ...back ... the COOKIES !"

Part 8 .2 will becoming soon

[wolferals]

🌙TROUBLE🌙

arón piper imagine

🌼@bbaronpiper and I wanted to try something and got some basic keywords for a story and both of us wrote our own interpretation! A so seen little project🌼 hope you like it🌸

and check out her story as well TROUBLE

also check out her writings, shes amazing! @bbaronpiper

*

*

friday july 12th 2019

„Have you ever considered becoming a vegan officer?" you asked the tall handsome cop who sitting in front of you.

He looked at you in disbelief before speaking up:"Y/n, its one thing being a proud vegan but its another thing to carry out violet actions against Mr. Rodriguez. You overreacted and you have to deal with the consequences."

You scoffed and leaned back against your chair.

„And how long is that going to take here?"

He slowly lifted himself up from the wooden chair and turned to you once again, saying:"Apologize to him and maybe he wont sue you."

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

He was the one who had provoked you by pushing you out of the way, making you fall. You had just asked him what that had been for and he had responded:"Get out of the way little girl. Maybe go to school instead of protesting against something you cant stop. Maybe eating some meat wouldnt harm you."

And yes maybe you had overreacted by kicking him in his left leg. But how were you supposed to know he had just had surgery?

When you had heard about the protest against animal cruelty in the middle of Madrid you had immediately called your best friend to tell her to make some signs.

And that said friend was now hiding somewhere, just as the cops had arrived she left you alone and ran.

In that very moment you could've screamed but you were too busy trying to hide. But they caught you eventually, thats why you were here.

„Alright Ms. Y/l/n, we only need your personal details and then you can go. You will receive a letter from us in the next week."

You looked up and listened to the police man talking to you. Then you grabbed your bag that's been sitting on the floor throughout this time and walked outside.

„Alright, sit down." An older woman ordered you.

You unwillingly sat down on another chair in the main area of the police station.

There were two other people you noticed. A young girl, maybe around the age of 11 who had probably lost her parents in the city. And a rather damaged boy your age, perhaps a little bit older, who had scars in his face.

Your gaze fell to his hand that had bleeding knuckles.

He noticed your stare and looked at you.

He didnt look very charming you figured. He looked pretty serious and was probably one of those guys that got into fights on the regular or maybe even did drugs.

„Full name." the unpleasant female cop yelled at you.

You looked at her and then took a deep breath. Your parents would kill you, but you had no choice, you were already in deep shit.

„Y/n (y/m/n) y/l/n)" you spoke and looked to the ground.

The lady mustered you and eventually wrote down the information.

„Birthday", „Place of birth" , „family status (parents names and birthdays)"  and other personal information followed. You unwillingly answered each time.

Great, now you were officially fucked.

„Wait here." She said after she slammed the „questionnaire" on the front desk where a young woman took it and started typing something on her computer.

So you just sat there for what felt like an eternity until another police officer entered the room and grabbed a chair to sit in front of the guy with the bruises.

„Alright. So, beating up teenagers is now cool or why did you do it?" he asked him while leaning back.

The guy just laughed and then replied:"First of all, they are not teenagers, they are over 18. And second, this fucker wanted to rob me. I just defended myself."

You listened interested until they both looked at you, making you look away rapidly.

„So you're saying that this boy who is about 5'6 wanted to rob a man who already has a criminal record?"

The guy nodded and added:"I know how this sounds but look what he did to me! The guy can do karate. I just hit back to run away."

The officer took a long breath in before answering:"Well too bad you got caught and are already very well known here Arón."

The guy suddenly looked very mad again and leaned towards the old police man.

„I didnt fucking start this!"

The man got up, put the chair back to its original position and said:"I'll get the report ready Mr Piper."

The guy cursed and then leaned back against the wall.

You were looking at his face. The bruises you had noticed before looked very fresh, there was still some liquid blood in them. But in general he was quite handsome. He had a sharp jaw, a very chiseled face structure and a shaved head. He looked like a criminal, judging from how the criminals on tv look like.

„Qué??" he then asked, making you snap out of your thoughts.

„Uh nothing." you replied and coughed.

You turned your face away from him.

„First time in trouble huh?" he asked and you could hear the grin in his tone.

You looked back at him, looked him up and down and replied sassy:"Duh."

He chuckled at you.

Then he spoke:"Welcome to the real world."

You had to laugh at his word choice. Next he sat up right.

„Did you beat him up?" you then asked out of curiosity.

„Arón" stared right into your eyes and eventually stated:"Did you kick the man out of nowhere?"

You responded with a small laugh. „Yeah." he just claimed and looked around.

„I'm fucked." you mumbled after a couple of seconds.

You could feel him looking at you. „Nah the first time isnt as bad. Plus, you just kicked someone, you didnt kill anyone."

Your head shot around. „Ah someone knows his way around huh?"

Arón chuckled again. „Nah. Not yet." he smiled.

You noticed a little gap between his front teeth. He didnt look as dangerous when he smiled.

„You know I'm good at assuming things about people. And you dont seem like a killer girl." he suddenly said.

You smiled and scanned his face secretly.

„What do I seem like then?"

He grinned and the next thing he did was stare you up and down for a bit. Until he finally spoke:"Rich girl, who lives with her parents. She likes to say what she thinks and sometimes gets into fights because of that. But she's never been arrested before so mommy and daddy are going to ground you for that."

You scoffed at him.

But he wasn't completely wrong.

„Well. Okay." was all you could say. He was pretty right about his statement.

After sitting in the hall for a little, the old officer finally came back and handed you your ID.

„You can go."

You got up and grabbed your bag with your left hand.

„Hey princess, tell mommy and daddy I'm sorry for their criminal daughter." you heard Aróns voice as you wanted to leave the police station.

„Ha ha very funny." you replied and faked a smile that turned into a frown.

„Hey girly, can I crash at your mansion some time?" he yelled after you.

„Sure. But I wont tell you where I live." you grinned and looked at his expression.

He looked chill despite the fact that he was in trouble like you had been.

„Dont worry, I'll find you."

You nodded unbelieving and then finally kept walking.

Now you had to explain to your parents why you were late, and why you were expecting a letter from the police. Fuck.

•

•

You somehow managed to tell your parents exactly how it happened without being yelled at. They believed that it wasn't completely only your fault yet they werent happy about the fact that you ended up at the police. But on the other hand you had never had any problems with the law before and you were usually a good girl, so they werent worried as much as expected. You hadnt told them about the lawsuit yet though. That was a future problem.

As it was now the next day you were just at home, finishing some assignments for your second year of college that would start next week.

You had taken a shower after dinner and then went to your room to watch a show before heading to bed.

To be honest, you had almost forgotten about the whole lawsuit thing when you went to bed that night. It got late, you got stuck with the newest season of your favorite show and actually fell asleep at around 1:30.

A loud noise woke you from your sleep and you sat up right, looking around all confused.

Your room was completely dark besides the streetlights from outside your window.

You heard the knock again and a shockwave went right through your body. Where did it come from? The house was all silent since your parents' bedroom was downstairs and your sister was sleeping at her boyfriends' almost every night.

Slowly you made your way threw the hallway checking where the noise came from. Your first thought was that it was probably the neighbors cat in the backyard or something but then you realized the bangs came from the bathroom.

You grabbed the first thing near you which was a vase that had been standing on a little table in the hallway.

Eventually you walked to the bathroom and turned on the light.

You got scared immediately as you saw a face in front of the window.

After looking at the person you realized it was the guy from the police station. You closed the bathroom door and unlocked the window.

„What the fuck are you doing here?" you whisper yelled.

The guy climbed into the room. He was wearing a black hoodie with some dark grey sweatpants and a black beanie. „You said i could sleep here if I found you. And i did."

You were actually creeped out. So you just stared at him until your confidence came back. „How did you fucking find my house?" you asked and pushed him back a little bit. He grinned and leaned against the sink. „I stole the paper with your information."

Your eyes widened. „You what??" you asked him in disbelief. „You're welcome. Now they got nothing against you. For the police you dont exist."

You didnt know if you should thank him for it or hit him in the face for doing such a stupid thing. What if the police thought you stole it? „So where can i sleep then?" he asked you and took a look around. His bruises were still visible but now looked a lot more clean and healed.

„Uh." you stuttered and thought about his question.

„My parents are right downstairs. You cant just sneak in here and expect me to offer you my bed. I dont know you, you could be a psycho!" He laughed at you and stepped closer to you. You were intimidated because you couldnt step back any farther. Your back was already touching the wall next to the bathtub.

„I wont hurt you, I just need a place to sleep." You looked right into his eyes that were only inches away from yours.

He was so close he could probably hear your heart pound. It was about to jump out of your chest. You then offered him to sleep on the small couch in your room, if he promised to disappear before your parents found out.

So you passed him a blanket and two pillows and finally turned off the light the second time this night.

„Goodnight." you automatically whispered. You heard a little chuckle from the other side of the room before he whispered back a quiet:"Gracias."

•

When you woke up a couple of hours later your room was lightened by the sun. You rubbed your eyes and sat up. You almost had a little heart attack when you saw someone laying on your couch. But then you remember what happened only 4 hours before. The guy who's name you werent sure about -was it Arón?- was sleeping peacefully, his closed eyes facing you. You noticed he had taken off his shirt. You didnt see his stomach but you could see his naked, muscular arms over the blanket. And you saw some tattoos on them. And a small tattoo on his chest.

He looked quite cute when he was sleeping.

You then checked your phone and thought about what you'd do today until you heard footsteps coming upstairs.

Your mom! She always says goodbye before work. Its like a mother-daughter tradition because once when you were a kid and she didnt say bye you had a panic attack because you thought something happened to her. You jumped up from the bed towards the couch.

„Wake up! Wake up! You gotta hide, my mom's coming!" you shook him to wake him up. He replied with a raspy groan and eventually opened his eyes.

„Huh?" he asked confused looking at you. -„Hide! My mom!" You whispered and waited for him to get in the closet.

But since he took so long realizing what was going on, it happened what had to happen.

Your mom was standing in your room, staring at both of you. You in your oversized shirt and no pants and this strange boy shirtless. You were fucked.

„Uhh y/n?" she asked and looked at you in confusion.

You were all staring each other down until Arón spoke up:"Mrs. Y/l/n, im so sorry. My name is Arón, I'm your daughters boyfriend." He shook her hand smiling. Your mother on the other hand looked confused as hell. Just as you. Did he just call himself your boyfriend?

„Oh. I didnt know she had a boyfriend." Your mom replied and then actually chuckled. She laughed! She wasnt mad?

„I have to go to work now but nice to meet you Arón. See you later honey, i think we have to talk."

She said after none of you said anything.

„Likewise" Arón spoke before your mom left your room and closed the door.

„What the hell?" you yelled at him and lightly punched him in the chest.

„I had no choice. What do you want me to do? Say that I broke in here because we met at the police station?"

You ran your hand through your hair and then said:"Please go. I'm in enough trouble already. Please leave."

He nodded, then grabbed his sweater and put it back on.

„Can i sleep here tonight too? I dont really know where to go." he asked while picking up his things.

You rolled your eyes but nodded softly.

„Thank you!" He smiled and came up to you.

„Sure." you replied and crossed your arms.

He opened the door to your room and whispered a „see you tonight" before finally leaving your house.

You didnt really trust this guy. Something about him was off but you didnt know quite yet what it was.

•

•

Arón's been crashing at your place for a week now and a lot of weird things happened inbetween. You only saw him at night when he climbed through your bedroom or the bathroom window. Then you usually went to bed and in the morning he left. You never knew where he went and you also didnt know why he couldnt sleep at his parents'.

Your mom and dad had both talked to him before and actually believed he was your boyfriend. Around them he acted like an angel but you knew he wasnt. I mean, he's never insulted you or been rude but he certainly wasnt an example of a good guy.

One night as you were sleeping, him laying on your couch, you were woken by someones voice talking in your room.

Arón was walking around your carpet, speaking into his phone loudly.

„Whats up?" you whispered and looked at him all sleepy.

He showed you he needed a second and kept discussion in spanish.

He was pretty loud and you were worried your parents might wake up from his voice. And he seemed mad, almost aggressive.

He then hung up and before you knew, he slammed his phone on the wall. It broke immediately, shocking you intensely.

„Jeez what the fuck!" you spoke and got up from the bed.

Arón in the meantime put on his jacked and wanted to walk out of the room but you chased him, trying not to make too much noise walking downstairs.

„Where are you going?" you asked.

„I need to see someone before this certain person wakes your parents." he boldly spoke and opened the front door.

You were only wearing shorts and a top and it was chilly outside. But you were far too concerned to grab a jacket.

You closed the door behind you and ran after him.

„Y/n go to bed." he then ordered as he kept walking.

„No i need to know whats happening."

He scoffed at you and finally stopped as you both reached a person standing around the corner.

Aron was just standing there staring at the dark dressed man.

You were right behind him, carefully taking a look.

„Arón." the guy finally spoke and came up to you both, grabbing aron by the jacket.

„What do you want?" arón asked the man, sounding as if he was about to rip his head off.

„Needed to see you little brother." the guy replied and then noticed you hiding behind Aróns back.

„Oh got yourself a girlfriend huh?" he grinned and walked around him to get closer to you.

„Hey you." he smiled and reached out to touch you but you backed off and mustered him.

„She's hot." the guy then said and turned around to arón again.

„What the fuck are you doing here Juan?" Arón finally spoke up. „Taking you home. Mom is worried about you."

Aron laughed fake before claiming:"Oh really?"

Juan stepped right in front of Aron and looked at him.

„I like your new haircut brother. You look like a prisoner."

Arón didnt reply, he clenched his fist as if he was about to hit.

„If you keep going like that, you will be soon." Juan added and smiled at him.

„Fuck off im not coming home." arón mumbled and wanted to step back but Juan grabbed his arm and answered:"You. Are coming with me. Because I say so."

Aron freed his arm and yelled:"Get out of my life."

You just watched as they were yelling at each other. The reason for Aróns stubbornness wasnt quite clear for you until he said one specific thing:"Mom and Dad dont want me back! All they want was you. You're the only son they ever wanted."

He was jealous of his big brother.

What you figured out from their conversation, Juan was a troublemaker himself but then started studying and was now about to be a lawyer. Apparently their parents had always supported him, even though he used to be in deep shit often times. Arón kept claiming that he was „nothing to their parents".

At some point the situation escalated and Juan grabbed Aron rather harshly and Aron pushed him back. Which made Juan fall to the ground, hitting his head on the concrete.

Juan looked even more furious than Aron then.

He got up again and basically jumped arón.

You felt useless, watching those brothers fight in the middle of the streets.

But suddenly you decided to do something.

You went up to them and jumped on Arons back to make him stop.

„Stop this shit before someone calls the cops!" you tried to calm them down.

But Aron was so furious he threw you right off.

You landed on your back rather harshly, moaning out in pain. It had been really fucking painful.

He didnt even notice that he had hurt you, they kept yelling at each other until you heard police sirens getting closer.

Juan seemed to notice as well and let go of Aron.

„You know what, fuck you! You're useless to this family. Come back after achieving something!" Juan yelled and just disappeared between the streetlights and the bushes.

„Fuck." Aron cursed and finally turned around to you.

„Run!" he then said as the police car turned around the corner.

You got up in pain and grabbed his reached out hand.

„Faster!" he told you and pulled you with him as he was running super fast. You almost stumbled over your own feet.

„Where?" you just asked and concentrated on running as fast as you could.

Usually you hated running but right now it felt good. Free kind of. You had never run from the cops, especially not with a known criminal who wasnt as bad as you thought.

„Fuck, run faster." he yelled but you couldnt go any faster.

Eventually he let go of you to make you jump into a bush.

The cops were right behind you but didnt seem to notice you hiding, they ran past you after Aron.

And aron on the other hand did something you hasnt expected. He stopped running.

He turned around and put his hands up in the air.

What the fuck was he doing?

The police reached him and put him in a secure grip in a fast motion. He couldve gotten away easily if he hadnt stopped!

They grabbed him by the arm and pulled him through the alley of trees towards the police car.

You looked him straight in the eyes as they walked past you. He inconspicuously smiled at you.

What was he doing?

As they sat him in the police car you slowly got out of the bush.

So you just stood there. They couldve seen you but you didnt care, you just wanted to see what was happening.

Some of your neighbors were outside looking as well.

Before the car took off you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket.

Who would text you at 3am?

You took it and opened the message.

You started to smile and looked up to see him smiling at you from the police car.

Arón:"Can I crash again when I get out?"

⭐️

[the--gay-agenda]

my platonic gf made me do this (even tho she’s not on tumblr rn)

1. What is you middle name? - San Roque

2. How old are you? - 16

3. When is your birthday? - November 11, 2002

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Sun: Scorpio Moon: Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? - Dark colors in general (mostly maroon, blue and monochrome)

6. What’s your lucky number? - 11 or 13

7. Do you have any pets? - 3 dogs (but i rlly take care of 1)

8. Where are you from? - Philippines, Metro Manila 

9. How tall are you? - 5’5” and a half

10. What shoe size are you? - I think 9-10 (???)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - 3 (4 if u include my school shoes)

12. What was your last dream about? - I was in school and we were peforming for a rlly big event (it was shitty)

13. What talents do you have? - I can play the guitar, barely sing, sorta dance, and some chinese 

14. Are you psychic in any way? - When it comes to my sister, and some romantic situations irl, and i can predict scenes from movies i havent seen

15. Favorite song? oh god that’s hard, the soundtracks for both heathers and six, every song in my g a y playlist in spotify (king princess, joji, billie eilish, rizha, etc.)

16. Favorite movie? - The girl king (despite the annoying power dynamic0 and heathers (despite the cringe) and almost every marvel movie

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - @alexconfusion if u weren’t such a fuqing baby (fyi, @alexgoestosleep i wont steal them from u, they’re just sorta my ideal type)

18. Do you want children? - Like one or two (girls preferably)

19. Do you want a church wedding? - Hell nah (but ill be fine either way)

20. Are you religious? - Sorta (raised a catholic, but my faith waivers)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Nope just visited folks

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - nah

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - Regine velasquez at snr once

24. Baths or showers? - showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? - Im not wearin socks rn, but if i were, grey

26. Have you ever been famous? - Does having 392 followers in tumblr consider being famous??

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - Yes and no

28. What type of music do you like? - Smth with guitars, maybe even synth-pop or smth. and some classical shit

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Nope, and never will

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 2, 3 if im with my bro

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On either side with a pillow to hug

32. How big is your house? - Just 1 floor, a small backyard, and a front porch (i think idk filipino houses are hard to explain)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Coffee and bread, instant noodles if i feel like it

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Do airsoft guns count?

35. Have you ever tried archery? - Nah, but id love to

36. Favorite clean word? - boop

37. Favorite swear word? - shit, fuck,cunt, bitch, faggot (i call my friend like that never as an offense its just our thing) 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - 36 hours or maybe even 48

39. Do you have any scars? -A scar on my right arm cuz of a vaccine

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - Sorta, but he was a guy and a creep and a bitch so...

41. Are you a good liar? - sorta

42. Are you a good judge of character? - Maybe idk

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - I have a very bad butchered british accent that sounds like im crunching in some scottish or smth

44. Do you have a strong accent? - Not that i know of

45. What is your favorite accent? - British and australian

46. What is your personality type? - Resting bitch face, quiet but a rlly good friend (apparently) im sorta clingy and hyper sometimes

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I think my prom dress, other than that, my giordano long sleeves

48. Can you curl your tongue? - sorta

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - innie

50. Left or right handed? - left

51. Are you scared of spiders? - As long as they’re small im good, i fear the big ones

52. Favorite food? - Japanese food, some korean food, pasta, ribs, and sisig

53. Favorite foreign food? - ^ (except for sisig) 

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - An organized mess

55. Most used phrased? - Is it gay?

56. Most used word? - gay

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - 20-30 mins, i try to prepare everything the day before

58. Do you have much of an ego? - Idk, i think not

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? - Yes, too many fucking times

61. Do you sing to yourself? - In the shower its great 10/10 would recommend

62. Are you a good singer? - Sorta?? Depends on the style of the song

63. Biggest Fear? - Socializing online idk lmao

64. Are you a gossip? - Depends on who im gossiping with, but not too much lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - Idk, none of them are rlly great

66. Do you like long or short hair? - short

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - Binch no, i aint american

68. Favorite school subject? - Social studies

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - Introvert but im a bit of both sorta

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - no

71. What makes you nervous? - people

72. Are you scared of the dark? - nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - Yes, especially when it comes to talking in english, im a grammar nazi

74. Are you ticklish? - yes,Stomach, sides, neck, feet, and certain parts on my back

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I was the secretary of my class last year, and ive been the leader for our thesis

77. Have you ever drank underage? - Does wine count? (only during new year tho)

78. Have you ever done drugs? - nope

79. Who was your first real crush? - I honestly dont know, but i think it was this one girl named Renee (nuffsaid)

80. How many piercings do you have? - Before one for each ear, i lost them now so none

81. Can you roll your Rs? - If i need to, like if its a spanish name or smth

82. How fast can you type? - Idk,

83. How fast can you run? - Sorta fast thanks to my legs, but my stamina is hella short so not long

84. What color is your hair? - A mix of brown and sorta like bronze (this one particular part of my hair especially)

85. What color is your eyes? - brown

86. What are you allergic to? - none

87. Do you keep a journal? - Im starting to rn

88. What do your parents do? - Both of them have their own businesses

89. Do you like your age? - Yea i guess, unless my parents start comparing my maturity with my age

90. What makes you angry? --A lot of things (im moody), esp. When my sis starts judging what i like

91. Do you like your own name? -Sorta, i mean a lot of ppl mispronounce my name and make fun of it when u add my last name to it

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - honestly idk, but i plan to name them with confusing names (or not idk)

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Both girls

94. What are you strengths? - Maybe that i’m honest esp when def needed, i have this motherly side (sorta), i know a lot of shit

95. What are your weaknesses? - Im clingy, im socially awkward, im easily demotivated, idk how emotions work

96. How did you get your name? - There was a joke that my mom thought i was gonna be a boy so they named me jonathan, but since i was a girl and jonathan tan was gonna be redundant, they added mae as my second name, removed the -than and now its J**** Mae Tan

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - Not that i know of, but one of my ancestors was an important figure in the revolution in my country so.... yea

98. Do you have any scars? - On my right arm cuz of a vaccine

99. Color of your bedspread? - I share a bed with my siblings (sadly) but rn its blue

100. Color of your room? - With my siblings, eggshell white or smth, but i wanted the color sky blue once i get my own room

[carmineclock]

Why Don't You Do Right

Snowman 11:10 PM

> Fade from black before Scratch's desk. "James.  We have a situation."

Scratch 11:13 PM

> You look up at her with eyes strained from reading. Why cant it ever be good news. "Oh good, Id begun to worry the quiet would last." > Sit up and prepare for the worst.

Snowman 11:14 PM

"Diamonds Droog's daughter is dead.  Three has killed her."

Scratch 11:17 PM

> Your first thought is that shes not really his daughter, but they never see it that way. "Trace has. I knew he shouldnt have been left alone. I assume hes on his way." > Youre actually a little impressed. Pissed, mostly. But still.

Snowman 11:21 PM

"Yes. Three, Five, and Seven here are on their way here. I will also call for Nepeta shortly. Five has known of it and has been covering for Three, perhaps since it occurred." > You light up a cigarette. "You know what this means."

Scratch 11:24 PM

> You stand and stretch, joints popping dully as you shake the exhaistion from your bones. "It could mean quite a many things, my dear. War, being the foremost."

Snowman 11:30 PM

"Diamonds torched the scene of the crime--a lashing out quite unlike him. Trace has brought war to our doorstep." > Take a deep drag. "It's only a matter of time before the Crew comes to our doorstep as well. Time we have lost a precious amount of while these...fucking imbeciles tucked tail and hid the truth from us to avoid consequences." > Blow the smoke at the ceiling. "If this were the old regime, they would be culled and recycled for parts the moment they walk through these doors. This is the last straw, James."

Scratch 11:37 PM

> That brutality is one of the many things you love about her. And she has a point, in this being the last straw. "A fair point, though humans are far more difficult to recycle than carapaces." > You set about making tea, strangely calm despite the slowly building rage. Maybe its shock. "We'll have to be ready, though preperations for defense can wait until I have all the details. The grievous misstep was in waiting to say anything. Selfish man, we'll have to do something about that terrible personality."

Snowman 11:44 PM

> You lean against the ledge of his desk, arms crossed, as you consider the back of his head. "I do not know all of the details myself.  So far as I was aware until a few minutes ago, there had only been a shadow magic fire that took out a funeral home in the Crew's territory.  I had Three and Five investigating--god." > Click your tongue distastefully. "They lied to me.  To my goddamned face.  Fin made some excuse, said Trace was still... I bet they never even left the comforts of their room.  I cannot... And to tell Clover before me.  Who else have they told?  What were they thinking."

Scratch 11:54 PM

> That pulls a frown across your previously placid face. That wont do at all. "That will be our opening, I should say. Whatever the war ahead brings, the lying must stop." > Your hand grips the kettle tightly, anger rising as steam billows around your face. Lies, deciet, fear, and cowardice to top ot all off. You should have nipped this in the bud before. "How is it such a small man can cause such large problems."

Snowman 11:59 PM

"By getting off as easily as we've been letting them." > You ash your cigarette and nearly miss the tray. "Should have broken every bone in their miserable goddamned bodies after all the backsass and trouble they've been giving us. Especially together..." > Chew your lip. "If only your lot were as easy to reprogram as my lot.  That would solve these issues in less than a heartbeat.  But it never should have gotten to this state in the first place.  How did it come to this?"

Clover 12:00 AM

> Knockknock, knockknock.

Scratch 12:02 AM

> Tea done, you call for him to enter. Though you werent expecting him first, you were expecting him. He likes to get involved,even when he shouldnt.

"Its true, there is something to be said about the faulyt of unruly soldiers lying in thoer commamders. I blame myself as much as them."(edited)

Clover 12:04 AM

> Let yourself in and close the door behind you, hands hooked behind your back and a rather somber expression on your face.

Scratch 12:06 AM

"Stay quiet, stay calm. If you make a scene, youre out. Understood?"

Clover 12:06 AM

"Understood."

Crowbar 12:16 AM

You lead the way to Doc's office. The door is cracked so you announce your arrival and let yourself in, standing aside so Trace can go ahead. You're both surprised and unsurprised to see Clover. You acknowledge him with a nod.

Trace 12:18 AM

> You're on your way, tailing right behind Crowbar. Time for the walk of shame. You pass him, and when you spot Clover on the way in- Urgh. Here you thought your heart - or you, for the matter - couldn't sink any lower. You enter and quietly wait in the middle of the room. Quiet, but far from calm. A stress headache is pounding in your head and being stared down by all three bosses and the guy next to them that probably hates you the most does not help in the slightest.

Fin 12:26 AM

Your face is still red from the slap you got from Snowman. You get inside the office  noding to your bosses and wishing you could hug your husband. Clover is completely ignored for now as you stand right next to Trace hands behind your back

Nepeta 12:31 AM

You finished quickly  throwing on some clothes and trying to wash your tears away. Water doesn't hide your bloodshot eyes though, or the fact that your hair hasn't seen a brush today so far. You look like a mess, fitting to your mental state. You briefly glance at Fin and Trace as you enter the office but quickly look at your bosses instead. Less painful.

Snowman 12:36 AM

You remain poised, leaned against the edge of Scratch's desk, arms crossed tight over your chest.  The cigarette between your lips is smoldering, filling the air with its smoke, but it is not near so smoldering as the glare you send around the room.

Clover 12:39 AM

Fin is likewise ignored as he enters, but for Trace you briefly glance to his eyes before tearing your own away. Nepeta, though, is given a sympathetic look and an attempt at a tiny smile.

Scratch 12:54 AM

An absolute party, and you, the ever gracious and gentle host, will be the one to kick things off, as it has always been. "Now then," You say, standing behind your desk. "Lets start with the facts, only. We can deal with emotions later. As it stands, and as I have it, Trace has taken it upon himself to end the life of Diamonds Droogs adoptive daughter, one Aradia Megido. Resulting in a funeral parlor in crew territory being burned. After this, an investigation of the events was carried out by Trace and Fin. Those are most of the facts, but we are missing some." Deep breath, steady eyes, looking around the room slowly. " Snowman, Crowbar, when were you notified of Traces actions, and by whom. Trace, how many days has it been since you killed the troll girl. Fin, when did the investigation of the fire take place. Nepeta, what was your roll in this. All facts we must add together to have the full picture."

Crowbar 12:58 AM

You stand in front of the door like a sentry, holding your crowbar behind you. "I found out moments ago, sir. I instructed Trace to inform the rest of the Numbers promptly before being called into your office."

Trace 1:11 AM

More people enter, first Fin, and then Nepeta. You turn your head just enough to recognize her, then fix your eyes back towards the front. On the desk, not Scratch himself. You can't stand to face anyone right now, but least of all your lovers. You've managed to drag them even deeper into this. Great. You collect your thoughts to answer to Scratch. "I have killed her on New Years Eve." (Which would be maybe a day ago. No more than a day and a half. This should be the evening or night of the 1st, considering Trace didn't want to wait too long after talking with Kankri.) With that, your response to Doc should have been finished. He's not looking for more words from you just yet, you know that. But if there's any time left to do stupid mistakes, it is now. Quickly, before anyone else can speak up, you continue. "When given the order to investigate, I knew it would be too dangerous, with police and crew about and surely watching the scene. Green would have been more than a bad look. So I told Fin to stay put while I figure out how to approach you with this topic. Nepeta has purposefully not been involved in any of this. The plan was mine, and mine alone."

Fin 1:24 AM

After Trace finishes you clear your throat and answer " I did not follow Snowman instructions of investigating the burned  building , I wanted to give Trace time to talk about the truth to all of you and because as Trace mentions it was a dangerous thing to do"

Nepeta 1:37 AM

You do look at Trace when he speaks, even though it hurts. He wants to talk for you and you aren't sure how much you appreciate that right at this moment. You know he means well but it leaves a small frown on your face. You speak up on your own anyways. "I was unaware about all of this until the day after, when Trace confessed to me.  I should have immediately contacted you but..." But you didn't want to rat them out, even after they hurt you. You don't think you have to spell it out. "I only told Clover. I'm sorry."

Snowman 1:51 AM

You clutch tighter to the inside of your elbow, eyes leveled between Trace and Fin both.  "I knew of the fire shortly after it happened, and had tasked both Three and Five with investigating it, should it prove to useful to us.  I found out about the murder a few minutes ago, when Clover called me and forced Fin into a position to confess to me."

Clover 2:42 PM

Discontent and distaste boils in your stomach as you watch all of them, though still all your expression shows is a deep worry for Nepeta. She's the worst hit here, and she never deserved this. You wish you could help.

Scratch 4:20 PM

You let each of them speak in turn, waiting patiently, logging the information to write down for later. The timeline is slowly filling in, giving you a much better picture. "So there it is, all the facts are out in the open. The deed was done a day or so prior, and it was only today that any of those with actual power found out. Very interesting." You let that sit for a moment as you pour yourself some tea. "So, then, as it stands, of the three of you, none of you are without fault. Nepeta, yours is the least, only in that you told no one despite having the information. For that, consider this your second strike. Im sure Traces actions will find a way to punish you further. Fin, your fault is almost equal to that of Traces. You knew of his plans, allowed them to take place, and not only that, when given an express order from your superior, you ignored it in favor of your lovers instructions. If it was dangerous, if it was a bad idea, then you should have blamed Trace for whatever may have occured. Instead you decided not to follow orders because you knew. You knew what would happen. You should be on your knees, begging for forgiveness, because Snowman will be in charge of your punishment, as it was her order you shirked." Your eyes turn to Trace, thin, icy, a muted rage in their depths. Your gut had warned he would do sometging stupid, but you trusted him.

"As for you, Trace. You dont get hand out instructions. How dare you contradict Snowmans order. If something befell Fin in this investigation, then he should have suffered the consequences doing his duty. The plan was yours alone? Are you an idiot? Did you really think your actions wouldnt effect others around you, especially those closest to you? If you needed time to approach us, all that tells me is that you knew what you did was the wrong move. Nepeta was left out of it? Really? After eveeything shes been through with Droog, you think this incredible offense wont effect her going forward far more than it will you? Cruel, cowardly man, to bring ruin on your own partners" Your tone turns darker. "Worst of all, Trace. Worst of all, is that you left it for us to find out. Fearful of the reprecussions? You dont know fear. But you will. A man who knows fear does not make fruitless mistakes for the sake of his own vanity. It seems our last talk left less of an impression than Id hoped. So let me make this clear. You are going to lose everything. The specifics will take time, we will have plenty of time to go over them. Snowman, please escort Fin and Nepeta out of my sight. Crowbar, stay, I will have need of you."

Crowbar 2:26 AM

You can't help but swallow, your collar feeling tight around your throat as Doc speaks. Even though he deserves it, you empathize with Trace. He is your friend at the end of the day. You fear he will not be the same person for very long. Stepping aside, you leave room for Fin and Nepeta to exit.

Trace 2:30 AM

You listen with quiet horror. Of course, not even a day was good enough. Of course all of it is getting turned against you. When the strike for Nepeta is mentioned, you go as pale as your green skin can. You open your mouth in protect, but you don't say anything. Bullshit. That's. That's not okay. That's not fair. Your mouth closes as Scratch continues with your own repercussions, almost numb to what you hear. A loud ringing takes over your senses. Fuck. You're frozen to the spot. He didn't say that you're dismissed yet. Even if, you're not sure if your legs could carry you with how weak in the knees you feel. From the sound of it, your first punishment may be delivered by Crowbar himself. Great. Not like threatening and punishing your lovers was already bad enough.

Fin 2:38 AM

Your eyes are ringing with the blood that is flushing when you hear about Nepeta's strike. This was not the way you two intended things to go, even with Trace assuming all the blame you know you were there to encourage him and offer him help so obviously you are partially to blame for what happened too but she didn't deserve this at all. You almost miss the moment when Scratch dissmisses you as you were too tense and that shows in the way your shoulders slouch once you have to walk out of the office. As you get escorted outside you take a second to reach for Trace's hand and touch it for a second, you wanted to say so many things but you just softly whisper that you will be waiting for him.

Trace 2:56 AM

Your heart skips a beat when you feel Fin's touch, but you don't dare looking up at him, nor at Nepeta when she follows him. You don't need to see their worried looks. You know them well enough to imagine how concerned they might be about you, the idiot that got them into this, while the guilt over the trouble you caused them is already quickly eating away at you.

Snowman 10:34 PM

You feel nothing much beyond, perhaps, pity for the part of Nepeta, though even that is minimal in light of the circumstances.  Though you are curious to know what will lie beyond this door once it closes behind you, you have other things on your mind: namely, the man already slinking out of the door ahead of you.  Nodding to James, you take Nepeta lightly by the elbow and steer her out of the room, eyes fixated on the back of Fin's head as you walk.

Clover 10:53 PM

Some part of you deeply wants to get up and bolt out the door to follow her, to protect her, to be her lucky charm- but you know there's nothing you can do until this is through. You watch them go until the door closes, and then you watch Scratch alone.

Scratch 1:17 AM

Silence takes the room as they file out, and you find a sort of solemn sadness taking the place of anger. Youd trusted Trace. Of course he was always going to be an idiot, but you never expected...well, it doesn't matter now. "So here we are." You say quietly, in almost a whisper. "You know, however it may seem, Ive always had high hopes for  you, Trace. Youre strong, and  fiercely loyal." Thin, gloved fingers trace the rim of your teacup idly. "It had been my hope to one day groom you for leadership. You have everything youd need, except the brains. Youre not half as smart as you think you are, Trace. You dont know, but you act like you do. Did the thought ever occur to you that I might actually want the girl dead? That there were ways to take her out that may have benefited us all? I hope you understand that youre not being punished because you killed her. Its not so simple." You sigh, looking up to Crowbar and beckoning him over with a sharp flick of the wrist. "You need to learn to think before you do, Trace. That the things you do effect other people. That there are other ways than your ways. I know you hate me, I dont pretend to be kind or pleasant, but I do know what Im talking about. Its why Im in charge, and have been for longer than youve been alive. When I call for your respect, its not because I think Im better than you, its because I have experiences that can help you be better and I want you to learn, I all but begged you to learn. Unfortunately now you have to learn the hard way." You move around your desk, standing in front of it now. "Its going to be a slow, painful process, but with any luck, youll come to understand why this has to happen. Come here, hold your arm out, place your hand face down on the desk."

Trace 3:39 AM

Suddenly the room felt much quieter, despite the fact that barely anyone but him has talked the whole time. Maybe it's also just your senses your senses going more and more numb by the second. What a lecture, all these wonderful backhanded compliments, just as he's about to give you probably the worst time of your life. You're left with a sour taste in your mouth when he mentions all his grand plans. Groom you for leadership. God, just what you need, a job you hate even more. You try not to look around the room much, eyes still fixed on the desk, the very platform that's about to become your scaffolding. You do take notice that Clover didn't leave the room yet though. Does he really want to watch this? Boy, does he hate you that much now. You welcome any thought that distracts you from what's about to happen, but this train of thought leads you to even more unpleasant places. Makes you wonder just how flippant his feelings are, or if he ever really cared about you if he is so easily swayed. You know what is expected of you and step forward. You briefly consider which hand to offer since it hasn't been specified - they're your most important tools after all - but decide on your right one, keeping the one with the ring safe, if at all possible.

Crowbar 8:33 AM

If you're nervous, it doesn't show. You take a swift breath and approach as you are motioned to do. You stand by Trace, a chill running through your veins to numb any sense of sentimentality. You have to distance the personal from the business. Looming over Trace, you turn your attention to Doc, awaiting further instruction.

Scratch 7:42 PM

"Nothing to say? You pleaded so nicely for Fin and Nepeta, nothing for yourself? The bravado died rather quickly once your lovers left, you may want to think about why that is." From your jacket pocket you pull out a dark green marker. Such a damn shame. Not only do you have Trace's mistakes to clean up, you also have to ruin a perfectly nice suit. Whatever his flaws, the boy has has style. You step over to his outstretched arm, eyes wandering up until you find a spot you prefer. Its so hard to stay classy when doing dirty work, but you do what you can. You mark the middle of his arm, drawing a fat line across his sleeve. You think the instructions speak loud and clear, so you pop the top of the marker back on and tuck it back into your pocket. Now you'll see what Crowbar's word is worth.

Trace 8:38 PM

You stay quiet. No, nothing else to say. What would even be the point? Beg for forgiveness? There's nothing that will sway Scratch from his ruling, and frankly you had it coming, right? And the last thing you need is talking yourself even deeper into trouble. You purse your lips and close your eyes, preparing for the pain. You don't need to watch that, you'll be feeling it soon enough. If anything, you're sorry for Crowbar having to do this.  He's stern and hard-working, sure, but still caring at his core.

Crowbar 8:42 PM

You watch Scratch carefully and when he watches you, in turn, you know it is your time to step forward. Gripping your crowbar tight, you focus on the line drawn on Trace's arm. Your heart gives a single empathetic squeeze before the cold steals away your remorse. A job is a job. You plan to do yours well. Without a word, you raise your weapon up and bring it down with a sickening crack.

Clover 8:45 PM

You flinch, just a bit, as the weapon swings down. You don't have the job that he does for a reason- you don't know how to willingly remove yourself from someone you've spent so much of your life with. You didn't watch.

Trace 8:57 PM

A sharp excruciating pain shoots through your arm. You do your best to hold back your reaction lest someone out there hears you. It's not quite a yell, but an agonized grunt escapes you. As the pain dulls, your head starts getting dizzy and you slowly sink down onto your knees before your body can force you. Last thing you want is to pass out right here. You pull your arm close to your body, lean against the desk for some support and wheeze heavily as you wait for further instructions. God, he better not plan to break any more bones.

Scratch 10:09 PM

Your eyes never stray. You watch the crowbar hits its mark, the way his arms snaps like a biscuit under the weight of the blow. This is your order, and you'll see it through. Theres no room to flinch, or to look away, not for you, not for Crowbar. He did well. In a world of self serving men, you're glad for someone like him. "Well struck, Crowbar." You compliment easily, eyes moving down now to Trace as he falls. You have more to say to him, but not here. Not on the showroom floor. "Though I really should  have the other one as well, we'll let that stew for a bit before taking any more. Please escort Trace down to the  holding cells."

Crowbar 10:12 PM

"Yes, sir." You slip a hand under Trace's good arm, hoisting him up to his feet and placing him between you and the door. "Come on, Three," you say, an almost gentle tone hiding beneath the stern command, "You know the way."

Clover 10:24 PM

It's been some time since you felt your heart pound with so much raw emotion that you can't even pin down what it is. Your chin is tilted down to the floor, and you await your father's comment or command.

Trace 10:39 PM

You go along with Crowbar. You have little intention to resist any of that, but his support certainly helps getting up and walking out of the door. Off to the cells, huh. Sure will be an unpleasant night, it seems.

Scratch 10:48 PM

So the curtain falls on another show, well performed all around. The only one who reacted differently than you expected was Clover, but you have your own reasons for wanting him to be here. You turn to him as they leave, stepping between them and him as the door shuts behind them. It was important for him to be here, as far as you're concerned, there was more accomplished here than just the breaking of bones. "My, that was certainly exciting, wasnt it?" You say cooly, tilting your head towards him. You wonder if it was worth it for him. You wonder if he was glad to be here.

Clover 12:20 AM

"You could call it that," you reply with a shrug. Your expression is something around the ring of neutral, and you lean against his desk. Your heart cries at you to chase Trace down to the cells, to tell Nepeta everything as soon as possible. You silence it.  "Word I'd use is tiring."

Scratch 9:19 PM

"Tired, are you?" You move back around your desk and pull out your notebook and a pen. "It seems to me the tiring times are only just beginning. Especially for you and your position so delicately balanced between the factions." You start writing. It will be easier for you to remember all the information if you write it down for later. This is just one of many outrages you have documented.

Clover 9:23 PM

"Shocker, right?" You shoot him a lopsided smile, stare up at the ceiling. "Everything I've worked for is going to have to be rebuilt."

Scratch 9:40 PM

"Hmm. Can it be rebuilt? Thats good to hear." Youre only half listening now, trying to recount things as they happened. You still have to clean Traces room out and also go and see him in the holding cells. "Do you regret being here when it happened, or the part you played in it all?'

Clover 9:46 PM

You consider it for a fair moment, as you often do before you give him his answers. Would you have rathered someone else in your place? Would you have preferred that you didn't act as you did? "....No."

Scratch 9:55 PM

Interesting. Such a complicated boy, this one. Even though he didnt watch, he still preferred to be here for it. "They certainly wont thank you for it." They meaning Trace and Fin, if you have a proper understanding of their relationship, that is. But youre glad he was here, and that he stayed. It shows them how much more hes like you than them. "Ah, just for my own curiosity, when did Nepeta tell you about all of this, and how long after Fin explained the situation to you did you involve Snowman?"

Clover 10:24 PM

"About an hour and a half or so ago I spoke with Nepeta, then immediately sought out Trace. Once I had spoken with Trace, I left him to make the decision if he was going to inform Crowbar of the situation as he should himself and sought out Fin. I found him not long before this meeting was called and called Snowman shortly after confirming he was complicit in the plan."

Scratch 4:18 PM

You make a note of it. An hour isnt bad at all, timing is everything in these matters. In most matters, really. Not that you would honestly know how to punish Clover if he did make the wrong move. Lucky for both of you he's smart enough to know better. "Right. If thats all for now then, you're dismissed. Please keep in mind that Trace is not allowed visitors." Except for you, but you're the exception to all rules, considering you make them.

Clover 4:24 PM

"No hug or gossip?" > Little smile. "I s'pose you've got a lot to do."

Scratch 4:31 PM

You smile, taking a pause in your writing. "Unfortunately you're right, theres much to do. In any event, I didnt think you would be in the mood for a hug, everything considered. Last I recall you were rather close to those three."

Clover 4:41 PM

"You'll get it eventually," you say, the tiniest hint of teasing in your voice.

Scratch 8:55 PM

Honestly, you're not entirely sure what he means. Whats there to get. "What is it I'm meant to be getting?"

Clover 9:03 PM

"Me, of course!" > It's on that note that you turn to leave, humming.

Scratch 10:01 PM

You dont go back to writing right away. Why do you feel like he got you? Did you just get got? Whatever. You have too much to do, and as always both too little and too much time to do it.

Trace 12:57 AM

Shortly before arriving at the cells, you stop. It's hard to think or remember much of the conversation through the fog of pain and shock, but parts are slowly coming back and one hits you especially hard. 'You're going to lose everything.' It's hard to imagine the extent that Scratch means, but if he says everything... you have little doubt that he very much means everything. "Crowbar. Can I- can I make a request."

Crowbar 1:01 AM

You pause. Take a deep breath. Doc might not appreciate you showing hesitation or concern in this situation but he isn't exactly around. Can't hurt to hear him out. You ask, "What is it, Trace?"

Trace 1:05 AM

You wince a little as you let down your broken arm, now without support, as your other digs into your pocket. You pull out a little bundled tissue, inside the rings from your most recent engagement. You hesitate for a moment, not sure if you should really dare to ask. But you're not sure what else Scratch got planned for you and you don't want to put these at risk if you can avoid it. "Could you... give these back to Nepeta?"

Crowbar 1:09 AM

You furrow your brow, taking the tissue and inspecting the rings. Your mouth opens and closes as your mind conjures up conflicting responses. Cold, warm, understanding, curt... You can't decide. With a heavy sigh, you tuck the rings safely into your breast pocket. "Anything you'd like me to tell her?" you ask.

Trace 1:20 AM

That's actually more than you expected. You think for a moment, trying to find the right words. "That I trust her. I want to trust her. I really do." You blink a few times as tears are welling up again. You wanted to tell her yourself, but you're not even sure when you'll get the chance for that. "Thank you.."

Crowbar 1:24 AM

You nod, patting the rings hidden away on your chest. You keep your words of sympathy to yourself but you feel it goes without saying. You continue on your way, regardless of your heavy heart.

Trace 1:25 AM

You follow, at least one little worry lighter, but still too many remain.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

3AM Drive - Thru (JJK x You x The8/Minghao)// Chapter 11

MASTERLIST

"I want you back Y/N," he walked closer and took both of her hands in his. "I know I dont deserve to say that to you. But I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please give me just one more chance. I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you how you should be love and treated. I will do anything you ask me to. Just please give me a chance to try,"

"Song Y/N, in case you still dont know, I love you,"

                     -----------------------------------------------------------

"All my life, all I know is how to love him. I never thought I would know how to do anything else. Until I met you Minghao. I think I'm finally ready to learn something new..."

Y/N covered her face with her pillow and screamed. Hoping the pillow would help to muffle the sound.

She cant believe she said that to Minghao. Great, he's probably freaked out now! Right after she said that, Minghao just give her a tight hug, asks her to go get some rest and went off, saying he needs to see someone.

The first thought that comes to Y/N's head is maybe he already has a girlfriend that he didnt tell her about. Maybe he really just thinks of her as only a best friend. Maybe now he doesn't want to be close to her anymore.

Just the thought of not having Minghao as close to her as before brought tears to her eyes. She doesnt care if he doesn't feel the same way, if the thoughts of liking her just a little more than friends had never even cross his mind, all she wants now is to turn back time and wish she didn't open her stupid mouth.

After hours of rolling around, trying to fall asleep, Y/N knows its no use. She wiped her tears that never stop flowing, bundled herself up in a oversized fuzzy sweater and heads out. Maybe the night air can help ease her mind enough for her to feel sleepy.

The moment she stepped on the sidewalk, Minghao is standing right in front of her, smiling, holding brown paperbags filled with fries and chicken nuggets.

His smile dissappeared the moment he saw how red and puffy her eyes are, indicating that she's been crying. The bags are immediately dropped to the ground as he rush over to her before she can turn away.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you cry," Minghao hugged Y/N tightly from the back and turned her to face him. "Please dont cry because of me. Someone like me is not worth to be cried over someone like you,"

Y/N starts to sob even louder. What is he saying? He is the most important person in her life. To her, he's worth more that life itself.

"I'm sorry for saying what I said. Please just forget it ever happen. Please dont leave me Minghao. Can we please just go back to how we use to be and forget everything that I said? As long as you are still in my life, I dont care if you dont feel the same way," Y/N cried. She doesn't care about her not so friendly feelings being out in the open anymore.

Minghao pulls her close to his chest and smile into her hair when he realize what she's crying about. Aish, stupid girl. Did she really thinks he left because of her confession?

The truth it, the moment Y/N said what she said, Minghao felt his heart is going to burst and his jaw breaking for wanting to smile so widely. But he knows before he can say anything, he needs to see his friend and hears his side of the story. So he instead asks Y/N to sleep since its already late and went to meet Jungkook.

He loves Y/N too much to take advantage of her vulnerable state. He wants Y/N to be with him because she really wants to, not because she's too used to being around him that she thinks she's in love with him.He wants her to really think about her feelings.

He meant what he said to Jungkook. His priority is for Y/N to be happy, it doesn't matter with who she's happy with. As much as he just wants to grab her, kiss her and make her his when she confessed, he knows he cant be hasty and let Y/N really sort out her feelings until she's sure that its him that she really wants.

"Y/N... I'm not going anywhere. I promised you didn't I? I promise you that I will always be here for you," he finally said to her. "You dont know how happy I am to hear you say that to me...but," Y/N cocks her head, nervously biting her lips.

"But, I want you to be sure that you really want to be with me. Because I dont think I will allow you to ever get away once you are mine,"

"Minghao, I know what I'm feeling, and its you!"

"Y/N... Jungkook is your first real love, you can never truly ever get over your first real love. And now that he's back in your life, I need you to really sort out you feelings. And once you figured it out and the answer is still me, I will be waiting for you, always," he smiles warmly at her. "In the meantime, I will always be by your side. Dont you worry, I'm not going anywhere,"

"But, Minghao-"

Minghao places a finger on her lips, hushing her.

"Song Y/N, in case you still didn't know, I love you,"

                                               ---------------------

The days that follows after that night are filled with rainbows and sunshine for Y/N.

Minghao loves me. He actually said he loves me!

Those are the only thoughts that seems to be playing in her mind. Their relationship remains the same as before. Minghao still firmly believes that Y/N needs time to sort out her feelings. Y/N, on the contrary, is trying everything she can to show that she's already sure of her feelings and she just want them to be together already. Since Seventeen's next comeback is coming very soon, their time together was cut short due to Minghao's practice and recording sessions. Lazy days watching movies together were turned into extra early breakfast session or super late movie nights. However, Minghao never fails to replace the missing time together with extra long phone and video calls and frequent daily texts.

His way of showing that he cares does nothing other than makes the flutter in Y/N's heart growing.

Y/N's days are brighter everyday, except for the days when Jungkook's variety show is filming.

Y/N did a great job of avoiding him on days she knows they have the recording at her studio. She will purposely schedule outside meetings or other shoots to keep her busy and away.

She and Jungkook haven't spoken to each other ever since he kissed her. And she's really hoping not to ever speak to him again. Jungkook, on the other hand, tried everything to find and talk to her, but to no avail.

Until today.

A major problem had occured regarding the shoot, and since it involves two of the currently biggest idol groups, its natural that Y/N herself has to get involve in order to solve whatever mess that happened.

Jungkook seized the chance and immediately caught up with her when she's trying to quietly escape after finishing the meeting.

"Y/N, wait please,"

Y/N stopped in her tracks. Her back facing him, contemplating wether she should try and run or face the situation like an adult. Minghao came into her mind and she knows in order for her to get a fresh new start with him, she needs to settle whatever this is with Jungkook.

So, she take a deep breath and turn around. She gestured for him to enter her office and close the door after he slowly follows.

"What do you have to say Jungkook?"

"Look, I know you are avoiding me,"

"You are right. I am avoiding you," Y/N honestly answered. She is done playing games with Jungkook.

"Okay. I deserved that," he sigh. "Look Y/N... I wont say I'm sorry for kissing you, because it felt right to me. But I am sorry for making you angry," he took a step closer. "Y/N, I meant what I said. I love you. I've never ever stop. Minji was a mistake. Asking for a break was a mistake, God, making you cry is the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life,"

Y/N just look at him, emotionless.

"Where are you going with this Jungkook?"

"I want you back Y/N," he walked closer and took both of her hands in his. "I know I dont deserve to say that to you. But I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please give me just one more chance. I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you how you should be love and treated. I will do anything you ask me too. Just please give me a chance to try,"

Y/N closes her eyes and sigh. She slowly release her hands from his. Those are the words that she had always wanted to hear from him, the love of her life... only its 2 years too late.

"Jungkook..." he looked up at the sound of his name. "Seeing you with Minji that first day broke me into pieces. At that very moment I realized that your excuse of being an idol to break up with me is just that, an excuse. I realized that you are not too busy for a relationship, you are too busy for me. Its not a relationship that you are afraid of distracting you, its me. I realized that if you really had love me, you would at least try to work it with me before you call it quits. You are willing to try it with Minji, but not with me. Why? Why not with me?

I asked myself that question for months Jungkook. I finally figure out that you probably dont love me enough to give me a chance. I feel worthless. I feel like I'm still not enough for someone who I gave everything to. I have nothing left to give you and I start to see all the things that Minji has and I dont. Things that makes you choose her and not me.

You left me alone in my darkest state, in the moment when I need you the most. Loving you is all that I used to know, and I used to think that I will never ever know anything else. But I have grown up now Jungkook, and I realized, there's so much more that I can learn.

Our story has ended the moment you get up and left me crying at that cafe. You already wrote the last chapter of our story. And I know that now. You can try to get me back, you can do whatever you want, I wont stop you. You know that I will always love you Jungkook, but I wont ever let myself be in love with you again,"

By the end of what Y/N is saying, Jungkook is drowning with tears. He didn't know that he had hurt the one person he loves that much. Y/N used to mean everything to him, and she still does. He wanted to deny, to explain to her that no, she's not worthless. That Minji is nothing compared to her. That she deserve all the nice things in the world and he is the stupid guy who let someone so precious. But action speaks louder than words. Everything has been done 2 years ago, and there's nothing he can say now that will unbreak Y/N's heart.

"I'm sorry Y/N. I'm so so sorry. If I could turn back time I would, and I would have never let your precious heart break," he sniffle. "I know this is a lot to ask. I know I dont even deserve this much, but can we be try to be friends? For real this time, I promise," he raised his hand to indicate that he's swearing. "Let's get to know each other again,"

Y/N chuckle through her watery eyes.

"I dont think I can handle the thought of not having you in my life at all Y/N,"

"Of course Jungkook. After all, we were best friends first," she smiles. "Hi, I'm Song Y/N," while holding out her hand. Jungkook give a small chuckle.

"And I'm Jeon Jungkook. It's nice to meet you. I hope we can be great friends," he continues. Although he's hoping to reconcile their relationship, he knows he should atleast be grateful that Y/N is still willing to be in his life.

                        ----------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 12 preview

"Hey Y/N, want to go grab a bite? I'll buy you your chicken nuggets and fries," he smiles. "Just like the old times..."

She's sad, angry, tired, betrayed, hungry, cold, heart broken... and standing right in front of her is the man who's giving her the oh so familiar bunny smile that sends her a warm feeling.

"Why not Jungkook. Just like the old times,"

[howtobeirresponsible]

How To: Get blood off a bathroom wall (or, things nobody ever told me about my period)

I’m still not sure how exactly it happened. One moment I’m efficiently dealing with a tampon, fifteen years of practice reliably informing me that I have time to manage this between delivering an order and taking the next plate out. And the the next moment? Carnage.

I dive forward for an escaping toilet roll, pants at ankles, my quarry a wodge of paper and my weapon a used Tampax Super Plus, ready for disposal. It swings on its string with my movement and suddenly, it looks like my uterus is auditioning for the title role in Carrie. It looks like someone added red to the mass produced monochrome bathroom art. It looks like a scene from Dexter. It looks like my table might be waiting for their lunch.

In the panic that ensues, the loo roll unravelling faster than my belief that a simple wipe will fix everything, I scan desperately through the pretty pastel “starting your period” book that I was handed aged 11. I remember the part about tampons vs. pads. I remember the cutesy diagram showing the generalised angle of the median vagina. I remember when it told me that I might feel “a bit emotional”, but nowhere do I remember a section on what to do when your period becomes a crime scene.

It’s at this point that I tap a desperate plea into a whatsapp group I have with a bunch of female friends. 

“Guys. Period just went nuclear in the lunch rush. How do I get blood off the wall in less than a second using only the contents of my handbag??” And bless them they came through. It turns out the answer (for me) was hand sanitiser and a wetwipe, both things I have in my period prepared handbag. “Alcohol for lift and wetwipe for glide” says Blood Sister #4, and I’m back in the kitchen much sooner than I though I would be. But not soon enough to have avoided notice.

The chef, (male, mostly liberal) shoves my plates at me and tells me to save  taking a shit until after lunch next time, and normalcy is restored. Except it isn’t, because I spend the next ten minutes wondering if my customers noticed how long I disappeared into the ladies for, whether they’re secretly disgusted by me, whether the tiny dark fleck on my fingernail is cracked black pepper or a spot of blood I’ve somehow missed in my frantic hand washing. It’s pepper, and eventually I calm down, but not before I realise that my tampon debacle means I have failed as a woman to do what society’s comfort level and numerous adverts tell me I should be able to do and make my period invisible.

I’ve been menstruating now for a decade and a half, and since those first couple of anxiety inducing years where I fumbled applicators, stuck pads to my pubes and mistimed my due date, I’ve pretty much had it down. Month round, there are tampons in my bag, because four weeks is the idea but hormones are vindictive. As soon as I feel the gasous nausea which signals my imminent period, I add spare underwear and various other feminine hygiene products, so that I can feel fresh and clean, regardless of the outcome, and know that even though I feel bloated and disgusting, the only outward sign that I’m passing an ovum is the monthly outbreak of zits. I take my bag to the bathroom month round, just so that it’s not obvious when I’m on. I work hard to make sure my PMS stays between me, my friends and my cat.

And to what end?

Who benefits from the invisibility of my period? Who benefits from the lack of general conversation about a symptom which takes out most women, every month, for a third of their lives? 

Because it’s certainly not me, trying to hide cramping and nausea in meetings and interviews, trying to hold a smile and a tray when I’m pretty sure the world is falling out of my bottom. 

It’s not other women like me, struggling to deal with their period disasters in isolation. My overshare in my group chat led to multiple anecdotes of washing hotel sheets after overnight leaks, giving presentations while convinced blood was trickling down a leg under a pencil skirt, poorly timed crying jags and ruined dates and underwear.

And it’s definitely not young women trying to educate themselves about the changes their bodies are undergoing, or going to undergo. Nowhere in my guidebook to womanhood did it tell me that no matter how prepared I was, ultimately my uterus was going to regularly screw me. Nowhere in my chats with my mum did she tell me about the vindictiveness of hormones and nowhere in my awkward teenage chats with my friends did we discuss all the  ways in which our period experiences were abnormal.

And that’s a problem. We have prettily packaged products, we have a system of coping that works most of the time, and if we’re lucky, we have friends we can talk with openly about the beautifully gory mess that is the female reproductive system, but we don’t have a society where it’s normal to tell your boss the truth about your prolonged toilet break. We have scientists concluding that period pains can be as severe as a mild heart attack, and yet neither I, or any of the girls in my chat group, felt confident giving it as a reason to call in sick to work. Sometimes, surviving a particularly gruesome period feels like a badge of honour, an achievement beyond the average expectation of just coping with your monthly stint as a human blood bag. And that needs to change. 

Activism is out there, and I need to start to educate myself better, freebleeding might not be for me but I’m ready to do something, starting with just talking about it.

From now onward I’m going to try not to evade. If someone tells me I look pale, I’ll tell them about my monthly anaemia instead of brushing it off. If sort-of-friends comment that I’m going to the bathroom a lot at an event, then who am I to shield them from the truth that my bowels like to get in on the purging action each month and that festival bathrooms might be gross but they’re not as gross as shitting your pants. If the chef at works doesn’t like my rest break duration, then he should know why it was necessary, and, if I ever write a book about periods for young girls, I wont gloss over the facts that no matter how prepared or experienced a period have-er you are, you can still get caught out.

I think I’ll call it “There Will Be Blood”

[thirstingforthe1d]

I was drunk – I was drunk at a work function.

Technically, said function was a concert…but I had still been threatened with every foul task that could be assigned to me if I didn’t represent the company appropriately.

Being the face of Gucci was not an easy task when free vodka sodas were being offered up simultaneously.

As Sarah ordered her fourth double vodka red bull I had a vivid flashback to a mere four hours ago when Nicole had lectured us in the PR office before we made our way out the door.

“I’m serious guys, I want you presentable and polite tonight,” she had said while giving a pointed look towards Sarah, who had the decency to look somewhat contrite, “I want client ready responsibility, not Christmas party 2016 fuckery.” 

“Ok Mom, we promise,” Sarah smiled sweetly “scouts honor”

Nicole snorted, “As I don’t really believe you ever participated in any type of organized activities let alone the Girl Scouts Sarah, I am counting on you Kit to keep her in line”

The task hadn’t seemed like it would be such a problem when I thought we would just be sitting out in the crowd, but when we were handed the tickets at will call along with after party passes and promises of an open bar, I knew there would be trouble.

“Sarah, I think this should be our last one, we have work tomorrow and what if someone from his team tells Nic we were drunk assholes—“ my worried filled rant was immediately cut off by a manicured hand against my lips.

“You stress too much, its not like he’s going to show up to this thing, he’s probably headed to Soho House as we speak with a Victoria Secret model attached to his dick already,” she slurred slightly, a strand of her strawberry blonde hair stuck in her lipgloss “I swear sometimes you’re 25 going on 104, live a little.”

I firmly removed her hand from my mouth and shuffled as I checked that my lipstick was still within the confines of my lips in my iPhone camera.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night” I pouted, “and you never know, that guy right there could be someone who knows somebody who knows Nicole!”

As she looked over to the man I had tried to subtly nod in the direction of my heart dropped.

“Fuck, you were wrong, he’s here.” I whispered as I turned towards the bartender trying to frantically order water.

“Who?” Sarah whisper yelled looking around the room.

“Who?!” I huffed swapping out her drink for the water, “Harry Goddamn Styles that’s who, now drink this and try to look normal.”

We watched him circulate around the room greeting fans and those in the industry, most likely the Capital workers he had referred to during his set.

I noticed his warm energy as he enthusiastically hugged fans and posed for pictures, the same friendly smile on his face he had worn when he entered our office six months ago, shaking everyone’s hand, including mine.

“Lets move over here, hopefully he wont even come up to us and Nicole will let us live another day” Sarah laughed, grabbing another drink and leaving behind her half drunk water.

I scowled at the back of her head as she led me away to lean against a pillar.

We stood off the side with an advantageous view of the room over the next couple of minutes, me sipping my water, Sarahs lips pursed around the straw to her drink. 

The pleasant buzz of alcohol I had felt running through my veins twenty minutes earlier had evaporated as I anxiously tracked him through the room, the plastic glass in my hand sweating.

“Can you chill? You look like a stalker, just try to enjoy yourself” Sarah laughed, “We will leave as soon as I finish my next drink, and you’re having one too.”

I tried to protest as she walked back to the bar but my words went unheard leaving me to glare at her retreating form.

“That’s not necessarily the look you would want to see on someone’s face after just giving your all during a performance” a deep, slow voice said to my left.

I jumped slightly, causing my water to slosh over the brim of the cup and onto the toes of my leather loafers, “Fuck, I mean shit, no I mean shoot.”

Harry laughed as he looked down at my shoes, “Hey, I have those same pair but in the boot!”

“I know, I was the one who shipped them to you,” I automatically replied, eyes going wide at the confused look on his face, “I mean, hi – Mr. Styles, I’m the PR Assistant at Gucci.”

Recognition flashed in his eyes as he smiled, “I thought you looked familiar! Kitty, wasn’t it?”

I cringed at the nickname that was often associated with my name, “Uh its just Kit actually, occasionally Kitten to my Grand Pop, but never Kitty.”

When I saw his dimpled smile appear at my rambling I flushed bright red, great I had just told Harry Styles that my Grandfather called me Kitten.

“Alright ‘Just Kit’, thank you for the shoes,” his grin stretched large across his face, “did you enjoy the show?”

Sarah took that opportunity to appear beside me pushing a drink in my hand, “He wouldn’t give me another double vodka but were not cut off quite yet, Team Winona lives to ride another day.”

“Mr. Styles, this is my coworker Sarah” I grimaced at him.

Sarah immediately straightened and put on her winning PR face as she shook his hand, this was why she was so good at her job, she could turn it on in a second flat.

 “Please,” he grinned, “call me Harry, I am so glad you could both make it tonight, what did you think of the suit, did I do it justice?”

Sarah and I grinned at one another before she responded, both remembering the moan we let out when we saw which suit he had picked for the night, a favorite of both of ours.

 “It looked amazing, we can’t thank you enough for letting us be apart of such a momentous moment like your first solo tour” she expertly rattled off, any trace of the slight slur she had a half hour ago gone. 

Someone behind him called his name and I could see some fans anxiously standing waiting for their turn to be hugged and to receive their photos.

“We will let you get back to your fans, thank you so much for the tickets, Nicole sends her regrets that she wasn’t able to make it.” I smiled my grip on my sweating drink tightening a little as the end of our conversation came near.

“No problem at all, thanks for coming, I really appreciate the suits.” He said as he swooped down for a one arm hug, planting a chaste kiss to each of our cheeks before walking away.

“You look like you’re going to have an aneurism.” Sarah laughed before taking a swig from her drink, “wanna get out of here and go to McCoys with me?” 

“McCoys! Its already 11:15, do you know how slow the N is going to be, its going to take me 8 years to get back to Queens at this point.” I huffed checking my phone before stuffing it into my back pocket.

“Just sleep on my couch, were so close to my apartment right now” Sarah shrugged, taking my drink out of my hand and draining its contents and trying to subtly leave it on a table crowded with men in button down shirts, “come on, live a little.”

“No, I’m really tired Sar - but have fun without me” ignoring her pout I started to pull her towards the exit blocked by a large security guard.

I turned and looked back one more time at the room scanning the crowd before locking eyes with Harry, stumbling slightly as he sent me a dimpled grin and what appeared to be a wink.

[teenwolimagines]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part 15

Part 16

Part 17

Part 18

Part 19

Part 20

Part 21

Part 22

So you and Derek, no matter how much you would have liked to, couldn’t just say you were dating now and live happily ever after.

No, you had to talk about things like what all does “dating” mean for the two of you. Like what counts as cheating, does this mean Derek would be moving back in, and the most important.

What are you doing for your first date?

First you thought a simple dinner and movie, but Derek said it was too cliche for his taste. He suggest a date in the park, maybe a little picnic, but you were more of an indoors-y type.

“How about a cooking date?” you had said.

Derek’s whole face lit up at the idea and he immediately agreed, it only made since to have it here.

Your house had been considered home to him for years, plus here it was just you two. No waitress at a restaurant, or random park visitors, just you two in your natural habitat.

So today was the day of the date and you were currently making a mess of your room trying to decide what to wear.

Should you dress down as in sweats, which Derek basically always sees you in, or casual jeans (another thing you often wore around Derek) or maybe a little more effort and go for a cute little dress?

You had never worn a dress around Derek before, other than like Easter when you were kids and his mom made you for the sake of photos. Even then you changed back into jeans after pictures were taken.

On one hand this date was all about comfort, sweats are the ultimate comfort, but its also very lazy and sloppy looking. Jeans show some effort but not enough for a date, then a dress is a special thing. But what if it’s too much effort?

Finally you decide to put on your big girl pants and just throw on the dress, if it was too much you could just change. 

You pick the most simple dress you own, its light pink with a red rose pattern and you put on some white flats. You looked in the mirror and you are absolutely sure this was the best choice, it showed effort but not too much.

Now it was time to debate rather or not you’re gonna wear make up or not. You never wear the stuff, what with how busy you always are.The only make up you actually owned was a basic tube of red lipstick and some matching eye shadow.

You look back up at the mirror and decide that you looked great without make-up, so you declare yourself ready.

You hear Derek knock on the door and you head downstairs to let him in.

You opened the door and reveal Derek with arms full of plastic grocery bags and even holding one in his mouth.

‘Ish gaah ge schaah.’ (I got the stuff) he said as he walked in and headed to the kitchen.

‘Making two trips won’t kill you Derek.’ you said as you followed.

Derek put all the bags on the table and stood up straight.

‘Two trips is for the weak.’ he said as he turned to face you.

He finally looked at you and took in what you had on, and you also took in his white button up, black jeans and boots.

‘Wow, you uh you look great (Y/N).’ Derek said as he gave you a hug.

‘Thanks, so do you.’ you said as you hugged him back.

You pulled back and smiled, it had been SO long since you had been in a relationship it felt so nice to just say you were dating again.

‘So did you get everything we need?’ you asked.

‘Yeah I think so.’ Derek said as he turned towards all the bags.

For this date you two were going to be cooking and eating dinner, spaghetti, home made cheesy bread, a ceaser salad and your famous banana split pie.

You go through the bags and confirmed he got everything you needed for the meal.

‘OK, now all we need is some aprons.’ you smiled as you pulled out the two aprons Melissa got for you in the secret santa.

You hold up one apron with the image of a woman’s naked torso, and another with a naked man torso.

‘I am not putting that on.’ he laughed as he pointed at the male apron.

‘Fine wear this one.’ you smiled as you put the woman’s apron around his neck.

‘And I will wear this one.’ you giggled as you put on the man’s apron.

You tied each other aprons and spend the text five minutes making silly poses and jokes.

‘Come on you foxy lady, lets get started.’getting to

You both wash your hands before you assign the task of getting the noodles ready for the spaghetti while you started getting the ground beef ready for the sauce.

It all felt so domestic, like it had been all those years ago. You couldn’t image making dinner with anyone but Derek.

While the noodles and sauce cooked you were spreading the cheese over the bread while Derek washed the lettuce for the salad. After that was done and the spaghetti was ready, bread cooked and salad made you started on the pie.

The base for the pie was actually not ice cream, but cream cheese and crushed pineapple. You put it in the graham cracker pan and put it in the fridge to cool, you and Derek would add the topping after dinner.

You and Derek sat the table and sat down to eat the meal you had cooked.

‘So what’s been going on? As your girlfriend I demand you keep me updated, none of that one call a week crap anymore.’ you said pointing at him with your fork.

‘Alright alright, daily phone calls, I can do that. If you can promise you’ll get at least six hours of sleep every night.’ Derek bargained.

‘Five.’ you tried.

‘Seven.’

‘Fine.’ you said before he could up your required hours of sleep.

‘And as far as what’s going on it’s actually something I wanted to ask your opinion on something.’ he said after finishing his spaghetti.

‘Sure.’ you said as you handed him the large bowl of spaghetti.

‘I was thinking of growing a pack, with troubled teens.’ he said as he sat down his fork.

‘Like a werewolf upgrade that doubles as a mentor group? Maybe, but it can’t be a large group of teens running around all wolfed out and out of control. Draws too much attention, you could have what...two maybe three if you can train them fast.’ you answered thoughtfully.

‘Now I just have to find  the lucky three.’ he said as he continued eating.

‘Well I know of at least two kids who I think really need your help, Erica Reyes and Isaac Lahey. They need actual help Derek and no matter what me or the other nurses say no one seems interested in helping them.’ you said as you finished your plate and pushed it aside.

‘What’s going on?’ Derek asked.

‘Erica has epilepsy, seizures almost three times a week, her family is affording her medicines but they wont be able to get her next refill since her dad got cut off. She won’t make it two days without her meds.’ you said.

‘And Isaac?’

‘His father beats him.’ you sad sourly.

‘That boy is as sweet as candy and his drunk of a father...his mother died, all he has is his dad. No matter how many times I have patched him up he wont go to authorities, and if he won’t say anything they cant do anything. That boy’s gonna get himself killed if someone doesn’t reach out.’ you said.

‘I’ll look into them, now onto dessert.’ Derek said as he stood up.

You followed suit and headed into the kitchen and you two both begin  decorating the pie.

And just like always you both ended up having an epic fight, eating the pie with no fucking toppings sitting on the floor, and your kitchen being a mess.

‘I wish I didn’t wear white.’ Derek said looking at his chocolate syrup covered shirt.

‘I wish I hadn’t just cleaned this kitchen.’ you smiled as you leaned against him.

‘Wanna know what I really wish?’ he asked as he turned toward you.

‘What?’

‘That you’d let me kiss you again.’ he said as he looked at your lips.

‘I can make that happen if you let help me clean up.’ you blush as you lean up and give him a  quick peck on the lips.

Well you meant for it to be peck, but before you knew it you and Derek were laid back on your dirty kitchen floor making out like teenagers.

[the-waifu-smackdown]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104.

smartass cough i mean yeah lets get started on this

1- You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

I’d ask them how one of us managed to teleport over 1000 miles and why im naked.

2- What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? 

uuhhhh we broke up and we haven’t talked in months.

3- If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? 

yeah kinda

4- Is your last name longer than six letters? 

yes

5- Was your last kiss drunk or sober? 

all of them have been sober

6- Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? 

yeah. put simply i made too many strong advances

7- What does your last received text say?

putting aside memes its “it me”

8- How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? 

fuck i cant remember that

9- Where was your last kiss at? 

probably my room

10- When is the last time you saw your sister? 

idk its probably been over 7 months

11- What do you drink in the morning? 

milk. or water. usually water than milk then water again.

12- Where did you sleep last night? 

my room

13- Do you think relationships are hard? 

depending on the relationship, yeah. i mean if you feel that a relationship is hard then its not a good relationship.

14- If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? 

as much as i would want to say otherwise, no.

15- You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? 

it would be extremely awkward

16- Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? 

rainy

17- Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? 

i know people who have my middle name as their first name

18- Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? 

pajama pants but that’s going to change in about an hour

19- Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? 

if things go as planned then no

20- Does anyone like you? 

yes

21- Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? 

my ex’s name started with an s

22- Is the last person you kissed gay? 

i think they were bi?

23- Is there a person you CANNOT stand? 

yeah the person who kicked me out of my last home

24- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? 

many times

25- In the past week have you cried? 

i cant remember the last time i cried.

26- What breed was the last dog you saw? 

mutt

27- Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? 

outside of the shower. i ain’t wanting to get my towel any more wet than its getting

28- Have you ever kissed a football player? 

no

29- Do you think you’re old? 

no

30. Do you like text messaging? 

yeah

31- What type of day are you having? 

too early to tell

32- Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? 

maybe once

33- Do you prefer warm or cold weather? 

i prefer cooler weather bc jackets. but not cold because snow is horrible to drive in.

34- Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? 

yes

35- Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? 

a relationship

36- Are you a simple or complicated person? 

i like to think myself on the simple side but then again all people are complicated

37- What song are you listening to? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IK6eLTNV1k

38- When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? 

i try to

39- Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

she knows a lot about me and i know a considerable amount of her

40-What made you start liking the person you like now? 

shit that’s a whole can of worms. i guess its when she convinced me to start taking philosophy classes and fencing and i got to start spending a lot of time with her her slowly learning about her and her good sides and her bad sides and at some point i fell for her.

41- When did you last receive a text message?

at 4:30 am while i was asleep

42- What is wrong with you right now? 

shit bro i aint even about to touch that. too much to talk about

43- How well do you know the last female you texted?

if we are talking about the group text then ive been friends with both of them for over 6 years now. shit its been 6 years? if we are talking about individual conversations then i would like to say that i know them pretty well.

44- Does anyone disgust you?

remember the person who kicked me out of my last home? yeah.

45- Would you date someone right now if they asked? 

it depends on a lot of things; if i didn’t  know who they were and they asked me out of the blue then i would probably refuse but if it was someonw who i knew a bit better then i would consider it.

46- Are you in a good mood right now?

i suppose

47- Who was the last person you talked to in person?

a friend of mine

48- What color shirt are you wearing? 

aqua ish?

49- Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

i wont say there has been anything that i haven’t wanted to hear. definitely things that have made me uncomfortable but not anything i would outright say that i wouldn’t want to hear

50- Anyone you’re giving up on? 

i give up on people on a daily basis you need to be more specific

51- Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? 

shit i cant let myself hate them

52- Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? 

yeah

53- Do you like rain? 

yes

54- Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? 

as long as its not excessive not really

55- Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? 

you mean right now?

56- Do you like to cuddle?

yeah

57- Are you shy? 

kinda? i know how to be sociable when i need to. learn how to do something sop that you don’t have to do it.

58- Do you get along with girls? 

most of my irl friends are girls

59- Have you dated the person you texted last? 

no

60- What do you carry with you at all times? 

phone, wallet, notepad

61- If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? 

i used to live in a building that was supposedly haunted. once you get on good terms with the ghosts its not that bad

62- Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

if its the right kind of relationship then yeah.

63- Think back to October, were you in a relationship? 

no

64- The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? 

i don’t think id be able to function of they kissed me on the forehead

65- Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? 

define cute. how are we using this?

66- How old are the last three people you kissed? 

excluding my mother we have about 21, 25, and 21

67- Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? 

do them myself

68- Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

zebra

69- Do you have any stickers on your car? 

yeah. because i bought the car from a family i was friends with it has a zombie family on it. if i can fins my triforce stick ill put that on there too

70- Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     

who? who?

71- Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?     

android

72- When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? 

i dunno

73- Do you like diet soda?     

eh

74- What color are the walls in your room?    

beige

75- Are you 16 or older?     

im older

76- Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   

what?

77- Do you have a job? 

yeah i gotta get ready soon for that

78- What are your initials? 

NTS

79- Did you ever have braces?    

no

80- Are you from the south?     

no

81- What does your last status on Facebook say?    

i haven’t touched Facebook in ages

82- Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

yes

83- Are you closer to your mom or your dad? 

probably my mom but I’m really close to my dad too

84- Have you ever done cheer leading or gymnastics? 

does yoga count?

85- What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? 

probably guardians of the galaxy 2

86- Do you smoke? 

no

87- Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? 

probably heels unless they are stilettos on any type of high heel

88- Is your phone touch screen?   

yes

89- Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

my hair only slightly curls so straight

90- Have you ever snuck out of your house? 

i think so. its been about 4 years since i lived at home and if i have it would have only been once

91- Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     

rivers are fun

92- Have you ever made out in a car?    

yeah

93- …Had sex in a car? 

…i dont think i have?

94- Are you single or in a relationship?     

single

95- What were you doing last night at midnight?   

reading this ask and deciding to go to bed and answer it in the morning

96- When’s the last time you saw fireworks?   

last night

97- Do you like the camera on your phone? 

its a decent camera

98- Have you ever had a friend with benefits? 

i guess my first relationship was actually fwb situation but honestly it was so messed up that i cant even remember

99- Have you ever passed out from drinking?     

no

100- Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

probably

101- Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

every time a girl wants me to do her raw

102- Name your favorite Kesha song:     

i think blow is my favorite

103- Do you have any tan lines right now?     

right above my butt and some subtle tan lines on my arms

104- Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?     

are you crazy?

[razzledazzlefoshazzle]

1-200?

200:

My crush’s name is: Cassie

199:

I was born in: 1998, Australia, NSW

198:

I am really: I am really annoyed that you wanna know so much about me anon y u do dis

197:

My cellphone company is: Optus

196:

My eye color is: Brown

195:

My shoe size is: 11 Australia Mens

194:

My ring size is: i dont know

193:

My height is: 181cm or 5′10″ i tihnk

192:

I am allergic to: NOTHING I AM UNSTOPPABLE

191:

My 1st car was: No Car

190:

My 1st job was: I was an assistant at some guys authentic pizza shop. He was an asshole and i shouldve killed him before quitting.

189:

Last book you read: Ready Player One

188:

My bed is: My bed is my one true love and warm machine luv u bb

187:

My pet:  I have 2 dogs they’re fluffy love muffins called Pepsi (boy) Bella (Girl) ill post photos of them later!

186:

My best friend:

@schotts-fired

at this point i have as many memes with Kat as i do my real life best friend.

185:

My favorite shampoo is: Really nice smelling ones.

184:

Xbox or ps3: PS3

183:

Piggy banks are: Piggy banks are dumb i have a golden pineapple for my spare change.

182:

In my pockets:  earphones.

181:

On my calendar: every friday i do stuff but thats it

180:

Marriage is: cool

179:

Spongebob can: produce good memes

178:

My mom: Isnt nice i probably wont talk to her once i move out.

177:

The last three songs I bought were?Buying? Songs?

176:

Last YouTube video watched: Masculinity by Mr Sark

175:

How many cousins do you have? at least 3

174:

Do you have any siblings? 3 Brothers and a Sister ive seen twice

173:

Are your parents divorced? Yes

172:

Are you taller than your mom? Hell yeah shes a goblin at like 150cm.

171:

Do you play an instrument? No

170:

What did you do yesterday? I slept, watched movies, complained about the internet being down.

[ I Believe In ]

169:

Love at first sight: Not unless its a dog

168:

Luck: No but if someone does something better than me they’re lucky >:(

167:

Fate: No

166:

Yourself: No

165:

Aliens: I wish they would fix everything

164:

Heaven: Questioning my religious beliefs lately

163:

Hell: ^

162:

God: ^

161:

Horoscopes: No but they’re funny to read

160:

Soul mates: No.

159:

Ghosts: NOT BUT LIKE ALIENS I WANT THEM TO BE REAL GHOSTS PLEASE BE REAL.

158:

Gay Marriage: Yah its about as good as straight marriage

157:

War: its about as shit as i am

156:

Orbs: what are these?

155:

Magic: Refer to both ghosts and aliens.

[ This or That ]

154:

Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153:

Drunk or High: Drunk

152:

Phone or Online: Online

151:

Red heads or Black haired: Red Heads

150:

Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149:

Hot or cold: Cold

148:

Summer or winter: Winter

147:

Autumn or Spring: Spring

146:

Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

145:

Night or Day: Night

144:

Oranges or Apples: Apples

143:

Curly or Straight hair: Straight

142:

McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds

141:

White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate

140:

Mac or PC: PC

139:

Flip flops or high heals: High heals like healing in video games am i right?

138:

Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor

137:

Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136:

Hillary or Obama: Obama

135:

Burried or cremated: Burried so i may rise again!

134:

Singing or Dancing: Dancing

133:

Coach or Chanel: What

132:

Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:Who

131:

Small town or Big city: Big City

130:

Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129:

Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler

128:

Manicure or Pedicure: neither? 

127:

East Coast or West Coast: East coast cause western australia is a bunch of weirdos

126:

Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthday cause giving gifts is hard and spending time with people is easy.

125:

Chocolate or Flowers:Chocolate

124:

Disney or Six Flags: Disney

123:

Yankees or Red Sox: is that sports?

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122:

War: War Never Changes

121:

George Bush: He definitely did sleep with that woman.

120:

Gay Marriage: Good again!

119:

The presidential election: Trump is a rollercoaster of emotion ranging from bad to worse. At least the memes are good!

118:

Abortion: Choice

117:

MySpace: Had some pretty good games on it

116:

Reality TV: awful

115:

Parents:  My parents? Out of the 4 ive had i like one of them.

114:

Back stabbers: What kind of question is this i hate them.

113:

Ebay: Dont use ebay really.

112:

Facebook: The thing i use so real life friends can contact me its trash.

111:

Work: My experiences have been, less than pleasant.

110:

My Neighbors: I dont know any of my neighbours but they’re rude and dont reply to my hello’s.

109:

Gas Prices: i dont fucking know

108:

Designer Clothes: I dont care for clothes i wear tshirts and trackies all the time.

107:

College: No opinion on call egg.

106:

Sports: Fun to play boring to watch

105:

My family: i like my dad and my brothers

104:

The future: must be better than now?

[ Last time I ]

103:

Hugged someone: someone i wasnt related to like a month ago

102:

Last time you ate: literally always

101:

Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last friday

100:

Cried in front of someone: fucking years ago i dont cry in front of people anymore

99:

Went to a movie theater: like a month ago

98:

Took a vacation: never

97:

Swam in a pool: 3 months ago

96:

Changed a diaper: never

95:

Got my nails done: a year ago

94:

Went to a wedding: also a year ago

93:

Broke a bone: never

92:

Got a peircing: never

91:

Broke the law: never

90:

Texted: couple hours ago

[ MISC ]

89:

Who makes you laugh the most: myself, anime

@schotts-fired

88:

Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the internet

87:

The last movie I saw: Taking of Pelham 123

86:

The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Finding my happiness again

85:

The thing im not looking forward to: my ex making social interactions awkward again

84:

People call me: Jack

83:

The most difficult thing to do is: get out of bed, finish breakfast

82:

I have gotten a speeding ticket: no

81:

My zodiac sign is: Sagittarius 

80:

The first person i talked to today was:

@whoneedsasociallife

79:

First time you had a crush: Primary School one of my Teachers

78:

The one person who i can’t hide things from: Nobody.

77:

Last time someone said something you were thinking: Constantly

76:

Right now I am talking to: Nobody

75:

What are you going to do when you grow up: Anything hopefully ill be happy

74:

I have/will get a job: Someday

73:

Tomorrow: Movies with dad, night with friends

72:

Today: nothing

71:

Next Summer: nothing

70:

Next Weekend: also nothing

69:

I have these pets: 2 diggity doggos

68:

The worst sound in the world: the sound my computer makes when it bluescreens while music it playing

67:

The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex

66:

People that make you happy: almost nobody

65:

Last time I cried: like 5 hours ago

64:

My friends are: trash shit garbage

63:

My computer is: absolute trash after so many issues im planning on getting a new one

62:

My School: sucked complete ass i was abused by a teacher

61:

My Car: doesnt exist

60:

I lose all respect for people who: no answer

59:

The movie I cried at was: anything that involves any form of friendship and love, or dogs dying

58:

Your hair color is: brown

57:

TV shows you watch: read my about

56:

Favorite web site: tumblr/youtube

55:

Your dream vacation: the fucking moon

54:

The worst pain I was ever in was: I had a cough last year that completely killed my voice and tore up my throat, coughed up blood

53:

How do you like your steak cooked: Well Done

52:

My room is: Clean and tidy af

51:

My favorite celebrity is: none

50:

Where would you like to be: in the future

49:

Do you want children: no

48:

Ever been in love: yes it fucking ruined me

47:

Who’s your best friend:

@schotts-fired

we already have more memes than my irl best friend

46:

More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends

45:

One thing that makes you feel great is: memes

44:

One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody tbh

43:

Do you have a 5 year plan: nope

42:

Have you made a list of things to do before you die: climb Mt. Everest, thats it

41:

Have you pre-named your children: nope

40:

Last person I got mad at: myself

39:

I would like to move to: a place with good internet

38:

I wish I was a professional: Twitch Streamer

[ My Favorites ]

37:

Candy: Red Licorice

36:

Vehicle: Shopping trolleys i guess

35:

President: Obama

34:

State visited: I dont travel

33:

Cellphone provider: Optus

32:

Athlete: None

31:

Actor: None

30:

Actress: None

29:

Singer: None

28:

Band: None

27:

Clothing store: None

26:

Grocery store:None

25:

TV show: Doctor Who

24:

Movie: Cant remember

23:

Website: Tumblr/Youtube

22:

Animal: Dogs

21:

Theme park: Wet n’ Wild

20:

Holiday: New Years

19:

Sport to watch: None

18:

Sport to play: None

17:

Magazine: None

16:

Book: Ready Player One

15:

Day of the week: Friday

14:

Beach: Nobbys Beach 

13:

Concert attended: None

12:

Thing to cook: Potato Bake

11:

Food: Pork Ribs

10:

Restaurant: Any place that sells pork ribs

9:

Radio station: None.

8:

Yankee candle scent: what

7:

Perfume: no

6:

Flower: any that can go in my hair like a hipster

5:

Color: Purple

4:

Talk show host: John Oliver

3:

Comedian: Louis C.K.

2:

Dog breed: Shiba Inu

1:

Did you answer all these truthfully? maybe i dont know myself

Fuck you anon you cant stop me im dedicated as heck and butts fight me.

:Update: I went and updated these cause my internet came back!

[bioniiic]

all the valentine questions ;))

im only doing this because its you

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?yes on my gf beeb 2: Have you ever been deeply in love?i am right now oops 3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?almost a year4: Have you ever changed for someone?i have bpd fuck u think 5: How is your relationship with your ex?its alright we dont talk much but she’s nice 6: Have you ever been cheated on?no7: Have you ever cheated?no !!! never will8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?probably not im wayyyyy too paranoid for that 9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?its cliche but its true so trust n communication. n not fucking abusing each other oh my GOD10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?ive only been in one serious relationship n i plan on keeping it so. the first one 11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?maybe??? i probably wouldn’t be able to if i went on a beak w someone and they started like seeing other people and then wanted to come back like nar 12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?none ! 13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?being too clingy 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?i mean. technically when they’re ready. but like as long as they’re educated and safe and doing it w someone their age ig15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? yea as in if ur old u dont have to let it hold u back from doing fun things like climbing a fuckin mountain but NOT WITH SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS fuck no date someone in yr own age range. at least if ur a fucking child. if ur an adult do what u want just don’t date children 16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?i have no idea 17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?i did ? so yes 18: What do you consider a deal breaker?if they’re. smelly n mean19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?when theyre not talking to you w the same spark as they used to and they’re always making you feel useless and clingy. when ur the only thing holding it together 20: Are you currently in a relationship?yes !!21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?maybe ? very much depends 22: Do you think people should date their friends?its honestly none of my business. like. i did. but if u break up it might be a lot harder because you are really close n have a bond23: How many relationships have you had?224: Do you think love can last forever?yes!! the lil cute old ppl who are still in love that’s who i wanna be25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?no but i wont get into that26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?no ??? thats rlly not their place 27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?breathe. take it easy n stop worrying all the time 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?yes but they’re so so so hard :;:((29: What do you notice first about another person?their voice?? their hands n their eyes30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?this is v binary but im pan !31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?not at all im literally a mess if they can deal with me i can deal w them 32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?no33: Do you want to get married one day?some day in a long time maybe. but im a child of DIVORCE ok im v cynical about marriage 34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?don’t do it idc how long u think ur gonna be together stop it35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?im in a ldr. yes36: Are you still a virgin?yea37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?personality!! but im not gonna sit here n say looks aren’t important like u have seen my girlfriend a true 10 38: Do you enjoy love films?there are films i appreciate more but ill watch them39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?no40: Have you ever had a valentine?i mean. kinda 41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?DOING NOTHING 42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?no i watched the leonardo dicaprio one though43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?go away. BOTH44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?im a Pisces i eat that shit up45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?no46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?no also its not real 47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?barack and michelle obama. idc. iconic. 48: What’s your favorite love song?the first song that came to mind was love at first sight by the brobecks HFJDJNC so i guess that 49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?i hope not 50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?not51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?poor but nice wtf ??? unless its my sugar daddy n he’s dying anyway id just. u know 52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?i hope i am,,,,,because i give a lot of it53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?when i was yes54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?not at all. but like if u want. but that’s not the actual way to make it official,,,, fuckin youths 55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?ALL OF THE ABOVE56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?probably 57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?no but dont do it though 58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?,,,,,dominant. in all the matters am i right ladies 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?i dont think so 60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?do what u gotta do 61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?my family is literally A SHIT so right now id rather spend some time w my girl62: How do you define “cheating”?everything from talking romantically/sexually w someone else to fucking them. flirting counts boo63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?HFJDJFN OF COURSE NOT 64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?a little. but its cute 65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?i cuddle everything n everyone i wish i was cuddling right now

[monsterflavoredcondoms]

w.e

1. What is you middle//full name? Sabrina Ines Rivera 2. How old are you? 17 3. What is your birthday? may 24 1999 4. What is your zodiac sign? gemini 5. What is your favorite color? pink 6. What’s your lucky number? never had one , maybe 6 7. Do you have any pets? 2 cats and a dog , yellow cat mac , black cat jen, chihuahua dog coco 8. Where are you from? born and raised in puerto rico for 7 years , then mostly here in florida 9. How tall are you? 5.1 10. What shoe size are you? womans 6.5 i think 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 10 but i only wear like 2 maybe 4 out of all of them 12. What was your last dream about? i dont know but i had a dream when i was 4-5 and then again at 10 about this little purple alien w green dots and its only as big as my hand and it would take me into its little door and i was turn as small as the alien and the place looked like new york but like underground 13. What talents do you have? double jointed in 4 of my fingures 14. Are you psychic in any way? no , but if i say "it wont happen" a lot of times , then it does happen , or like the opposite , so since nothing wants to go my way i just ask for the opposite 15. Favorite song? brenna from a victim a target 16. Favorite movie? idk , just listen is like an unknown movie but its so good and so emotional that i kind of love it 17. Who would be your ideal partner? someone who thinks about my feelings before their own and is cute and clingy as all hell 18. Do you want children? FUCK NO , dont even joke like that 19. Do you want a church wedding? hell no 20. Are you religious? athiest 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? many times , i had asthma till i was 3 , i fell from moms bed when i was three , i had an ear infection when i was three , threatened to kill my self when i was 12 , my sistick (its a ball that forms in the bladder while the menstrual cycle is on) poped when i was 14 and happens now every 3-9 months but now i mostly dont go to the hospital , good shit is i dont get pains now 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? no-.- 24. Baths or showers? showers , but kinda equally love em 25. What color socks are you wearing? grey w pancakes on them 26. Have you ever been famous? lol no 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? lol no , maybe on youtube , but 28. What type of music do you like? anything hut country and shit rap , like meditating or heavy metal or xxxtentation 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? no , but i jumped in the pool w my bra and panty on once 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? two but my head lays on one 31. What position do you usually sleep in? stomach down 32. How big is your house? medium , not rlly big 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? jenny creig 34. Have you ever fired a gun? no 35. Have you ever tried archery? yes , when i berally remembered anything 36. Favorite clean word? beautiful 37. Favorite swear word? cunt 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 32 hours , crazy shit , i did an all nighter , pretended to get up early and went to therapy later and went places , got home at 6 pm 39. Do you have any scars? on my fore head , when i fell off moms bed when i was like 3-4 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? no , idk 41. Are you a good liar? nope 42. Are you a good judge of character? nope 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? not rlly , if i try 44. Do you have a strong accent? no , my mom does tho , i dont have an accent on either spanish nor english 45. What is your favorite accent? british 46. What is your personality type? interested 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? a dress in the back of my closet in which i got so that i can be brights made in my cousins wedding 48. Can you curl your tongue? no.. idk 49. Are you an innie or an outie? belly button? outie 50. Left or right handed? right 51. Are you scared of spiders? terrified 52. Favorite food? fuck idk , food , mac and cheese 53. Favorite foreign food? zorrullos , its hispanic 54. Are you a clean or messy person? messy , we aint talking soccer here 55. Most used phrased? go to sleep 56. Most used word? um 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 5 mins or less , unless a bitch pisses me off , then imma be cute/hot as hell for a bitch to be jealous 58. Do you have much of an ego? i dont think so 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? suck 😉 60. Do you talk to yourself? always 61. Do you sing to yourself? no 62. Are you a good singer? lmaoo.... no 63. Biggest Fear? spiders 64. Are you a gossip? only to my closest friend possible , probably gossip bout trump lol 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? hunger games probably 66. Do you like long or short hair? buzz cut 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? lol no 68. Favorite school subject? lunch 69. Extrovert or Introvert? both , like extrovert w people but alone i hate everyone lol 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no , went zip-lining tho 71. What makes you nervous? everything , walking up to friends , talking to adults , starting conversations , walking places by my self 72. Are you scared of the dark? no , not at my house , in the streets a little 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? almost not , if they talking shit they aint suppose to , then a bitch gotta stand up 74. Are you ticklish? fuck you 75. Have you ever started a rumor? no 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? no , dont recall 77. Have you ever drank underage? lol yes 78. Have you ever done drugs? 420 bro 79. Who was your first real crush? kindergarten a little boy , we ended up dating untill i never saw him again 80. How many piercings do you have? one on each ear 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ yes , hispanic mami 82. How fast can you type? fast asf boi , when im mad 83. How fast can you run? slow 84. What color is your hair? blond , naturally dark brown tho 85. What color is your eyes? hazel, they've been orang yellowish for a while tho 86. What are you allergic to? donald trump 87. Do you keep a journal? yea but its like a sketch book , i draw my feelings if im mad 88. What do your parents do? sit behind a desk and then come home to complain about work 89. Do you like your age? eh , prefer 21 for all the good reasons 90. What makes you angry? my father 91. Do you like your own name? no , i prefer stella or steven 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? dren, steven , rose , their birthstone 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? a human who will choose their gender when they're older 94. What are your strengths? fangirling over steven universe , kindof good at math , like good at adding subtracting and multi 95. What are your weaknesses? socializations , situations in which i have to argue 96. How did you get your name? the nurse asked and mom was like "idk" and the nurse was like , this book says sabrina , and mom was like "ok" 97. Were your ancestors royalty? lmfaooo... no , i have a italian ancestor , explains my love over pasta 98. Color of your room? white but i have like 20 posters and drawings and painted handprints and shelfs and a portrait in marilynn monroe , also stickers and trash 99. Color of your bedspread? red 100. Make up your own question if u can meet anyone , who would it be? rebecca sugar the creator of steven universe , and i mean like , meet her and hang w her for like a day , i hope she's nice , i hear she's nice , but people always tell me , some idols turn out to be assholes

[you-feel-bro]

Save Me - George Weasley fanfic Chapter 11

As I was walking down the hall on my way to the common room, I heard someone yelling my name, “Rosalie, wait up.” I looked behind me and saw no other than George Weasley. He looked like he might be coming back from quidditch practice. I stopped in my tracks to let him catch up.

“hey Rosalie, are you coming to the quidditch match tomorrow to cheer on your favourite person?” George asked.

“of course, I’ll be there…you guys are actually going to win this time, right?” I teased.

George grinned and said, “if you’re there, how could we lose.” And with that he walked away.

Was he just flirting with me? No, he couldn’t have been. I’m me and he’s George. He’s way too out of my league. Who would ever like quiet nobody? He’s probably just setting me up for a prank.

*next morning*

I got dressed and headed down to the great hall for breakfast. As I was sitting eating, all I could hear was people talking about Harry Potter and his Firebolt. Suddenly, I felt someone sit beside me. When I looked, I saw George’s smiling face.

“you ready to cheer on the best team Hogwarts has ever seen. Got your George Weasley is #1 poster ready?” George says with a playful look on his face.

“cheering isn’t really my thing.. and didn’t you lose the last game?” I say as I try to hide the blush appearing on my face.

“how about this, when we win today, you’ll come with to the next Hogsmeade trip.” Is George Weasley really asking me out right now! No he probably means as friends, if we are even that..

“1. What makes you so sure you’re going to win today and 2. I can’t go to Hogsmeade, my father never signed the permission form” I say. I don’t think I would last a whole day with George. I would say something stupid and he’ll probably never talk to me again. Or this is all just a prank.

“well that wasn’t a no, so I’ll take it. and for the permission form, if you still have a copy, just forge the signature” George says with a triumphant look. With that, George got up, winked, and walked off with his brother.

At around 11, I went to the stands. I want to be the first one there to try to get a seat where I won’t be too squished or crowded.

The weather was the complete opposite of the last match. The sky was clear, and the day was cool with a very light breeze.

As the team walked out on the pitch, the stands erupted in tumultuous applause. After the captains shook hands, Madam Hooch blew her whistle and the match had started.

A little in the distance, I could hear Lee Jordan commentating the match “they’re off, and the big excitement this match is the Firebolt which Harry Potter is flying for Gryffindor. According to Which Broomstick, the Firebolt’s going to be the broom of choice for the national teams at this year’s World Championship-“

“Jordan, would you mind telling us what’s going on in the match?” interrupted Professor McGonagall’s voice.

“Right you are, Professor – just giving a bit of background information. The Firebolt, incidentally has a built-in auto-brake and –“

“Jordan!”

“Ok, Ok, Gryffindor in possession, Katie Bell of Gryffindor heading for goal…” and Katie scored and all the Gryffindors went wild. Just then, Harry sped off. He must have saw the snitch. But when a bludger almost hit him, he swirved out of the way and slowed down.

The Gryffindors all “Oooooooohed” of disappointment.

I looked towards George and he was hitting the second bludger directly at the offending beater, who was forced to roll right over in mid-air to avoid it.

“Gryffindor lead by eighty points to zero, and look at that Firebolt go! Potter’s really putting it through its paces now. See it turn – Chang’s Comet is just no match for it. The Firebolt’s precision-balance is really noticeable in these long – “

“JORDAN! ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS? GET ON WITH THE COMMENTARY!”

Ravenclaw were pulling back; they had now scored three goals, which put Gryffindor only fifty points ahead.

After a while, Harry must have spotted the snitch for the third time because he accelerated with Cho not very far behind.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something black down on the pitch. I looked and what I saw was Dementors. Something feels off, they look like Dementors but it doesn’t feel like there are any nearby.

Thirty seconds later, Harry had caught the snitch and all the Gryffindors started to cheer. Everyone in the Gryffindor stands went down to congratulate the team. I stood back and watched from afar. I’m really not a fan of big crowds.

When I looked towards the pitch, I saw Malfoy and his goons huddled on the ground with scared looks on their faces. That explains the ‘Dementors’. I then scanned the crowd to find George. I found him amidst the crowd celebrating the victory.

When the stands were empty and the path was clear, I started making my way towards the castle.

When I made it to the common room, I found a quiet spot in the corner and took out my sketch book. When I was about halfway through sketching, I heard someone talk “so shall we work on forging that signature so you can come on the next Hogsmeade trip with me”

“congratulations on the win but I doubt forging his signature is going to work.”

“it doesn’t hurt to try, or you can just sneak into Hogsmeade using a secret passage if it doesn’t work.”

I grabbed the permission form out of my pocket and handed it to him. “His name is Shane Blake. It shouldn’t be too hard to forge it since they don’t know what it looks like.”

After a few moments, the form was signed, and it seemed to have worked. “well now that that’s done, want to come with Fred and me to gather supplies for the party?”

At that moment, I noticed a celebratory party had started in the common room. “Will I get in trouble if I go with you?” I asked.

“Only if we get caught, which we wont. Plus, you probably wouldn’t get in trouble since I’m assuming you’ve never been in trouble.”

“I guess I can come but we get caught I’m throwing you under the bus” I really hope we don’t get caught or get in trouble.

“throw me under a what?” George asked.

“a bus is a muggle vehicle that transports many people at once. And if we get caught, I’m blaming it all on you”

*a few hours later*

When we returned to the common room, we had brought armfuls of Butterbeer, pumpkin fizz and several bags full of Honeydukes sweets.

“that was fun and it was nice getting to know you and your brother a little more so thanks for asking me to tag along”

As George was throwing peppermint toads into the crowd, I heard Angelina Johnson squeal “how did you do that?” I can tell Angelina likes George and I wouldn’t be surprised if George liked her back. She’s so pretty and she’s smart and she’s on the quidditch team. I’m nothing compared to her. I don’t know why I should even try or get my hopes up. George probably only wants me to go to Hogsmeade with him so he can ask a girls opinion on how to woo Angelina.

George and Fred disappeared and when I had found them, they were standing on a table juggling Butterbeer bottles. It was quite the show.

I went to bed at ten that evening. The party only ended when Professor McGonagall turned up in her tartan dressing gown and hair net at one in the morning, to insist everyone go to bed. I heard the other girls enter the dorm and I was glad everyone was finally going to bed. Time for some quiet.

*later in the night*

I woke up to screaming. Where is that coming from? I got out of bed, grabbed my wand and went to investigate. I clutched my wand tightly, scared of what might be lurking in the dark. When I made it to the common room, there were a bunch of people all gathered.

“Excellent, are we carrying on?” I heard Fred Weasley say brightly.

“Everyone back upstairs!” said Percy, hurrying into the common room and pinning his Head Boy badge to his pyjamas as he spoke.

“perce – Sirius Black!” said Ron faintly. “in our dormitory! With a knife! Woke me up!”

The common room went very still. I doubt Sirius Black would try to kill anyone here. Why would he want to kill Ron?

“Nonsense!” said Percy, looking startled. “You had too much to eat, Ron – had a nightmare –“

“I’m telling you –“

“Now, really, enough’s enough!”

Professor McGonagall was back. She slammed the portrait behind her as she entered the common room and stared furiously around.

“I am delighted that Gryffindor won the match, but this is getting ridiculous! Percy, I expected better of you!”

“I certainly didn’t authorise this, Professor!” said Percy, puffing himself up indignantly. “I was just telling them all to get back to bed! My brother Ron her had a nightmare _”

“IT WASN’T A NIGHTMARE!” Ron yelled. “PROFESSOR, I WOKE UP, AND SIRIUS BLACK WAS STANDING OVER ME, HOLDING A KNIFE!”

Professor McGonagall stared at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Weasley, how could he possibly have gotten through the portrait hole?”

“Ask him!” said Rn, pointing a shaking finger at the back of Sir Cadogan’s picture. “Ask him if he saw –“

Glaring suspiciously at Ron, Professor McGonagall pushed the portrait back open and went outside. The whole common room listened with baited breath.

“Sir Cadogan, did you let a man enter Gryffindor Tower?”

“Certainly, good lady!” cried Sir Cadogan.

There was a stunned silence, both inside and outside the common room.

“You -you did?” said Professor McGonagall. “but – but the password!”

“He had ‘em!” said Sir Cadogan proudly. “Had the whole week’s, my lady! Read ‘em off a little piece of paper!”

Professor McGonagall pulled herself back through the portrait hole to face the stunned crowd. She was white as chalk.

“Which person,” she said, her voice shaking, “which abysmally foolish person wrote down this week’s passwords and left them lying around?”

There was utter silence, broken by the smallest of terrified squeaks. Neville Longbottom, trembling from head to fluffy-slippered toes, raised hand slowing into the air.

Well this night just got interesting…

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

i dont think any of you should bother caring at this point and im just goin gto ramble and not make any fucking sense at all yet again. my entire life story is written below. Like. my entire fucking worthless stupid disgusting life story that shouldn’t even exist because I shouldn’t fucking exist

it’s so, so , so SO hard every fucking minute of every fucking day to be living with the absolute truth that I’m NOT good enough that I never can be good enough and that I never WAS good enough. Not for anyone, and not for anything.  I’ve told this story so many fucking times now but I need to recap and overshare just to put it in clearer perspective in my own mind. I don’t care if anyone reads it, I don’t think anyone will anyway, but its basically my fucking life story and how its all just been one huge lesson that I am literally worthless breathing garbage. 

I think the ONLY time I’ve ever had any fucking worth was when I was extremely young. Not that I can remember much from the ages from 0-6. I remember my entire family LOVED me. Sure, my sister was jealous and quite enraged that my mum had another kid, especially since I was unplanned and there’s a good 14 year age gap between me and my siblings, but when I was extremely little everyone seemed to love me. I was pretty shy and clingy, but if I was comfortable around people I was extremely polite and always laughing. I see videos of myself as a really young kid and I see myself in him but it’s just so distant from who I am now. I was gentle and loved nothing more than to make people laugh and entertain them. But yeah, I also threw a few tantrums too. I’m a fucking virgo.  Then of course school started, and that’s when my differences really started to show. I was too gentle and too quiet. I wasn’t boistrous and full of energy like the rest of the boys around me. Naturally, I became friends with many more girls and seemed to gravitate more toward the softer, more quiet kinds of things. I didn’t like sports, and I hated loud noises. That started making things difficult for me when trying to fit in, but still, we were all pretty young and nobody really cared at that stage. There was some light bullying but normal kid stuff, nothing that really hit home just yet. I was a little fucking cunt to the friends I did have though. I had obviously been far too spoiled and raised on my own so I didn’t know how to be empathetic and kind to my friends. I was possessive and cruel to them. I remember smacking one of my friends right in the nose for choosing to play with some other kid that I hated for the day. I was only 7-9 at this point though. 

My dad was always pretty distant. He had an extremely short fuse and foul temper. I once saw him fighting with my sister to the point of physically grabbing her and makiing her fall to the floor. He took her car keys so she couldn’t leave so she ran to my grandmas house. Once when I was about 5 I was taking too long to get ready in the morning for school and while I was brushing my teeth he burst into the bathroom and snatched my toothbrush out of my mouth and threw it hard at the wall. My sister came out and they screamed at each other because he woke her up when she had the night shift. He’d chased me with shoes, belts, and said all manner of things to me. I was never ever close to him and I don’t really care that much. I care to the extent that because of it I wont’ ever be able to understand a fatherly bond or how that is meaningful to people. He was an extremely hyper masculine person. He used to be a football coach, was heavily into football and women, was extremely homophobic and the like. He wasn’t all bad, but that was the person I knew and saw the most of.  Things got quite good for me for a year and a bit. My teacher told me to find new friends and I did, which led me to one of the best years of my life. I was 10 or 11 and I had one extremely close friend called Ben, and we used to hang out all the time. Our families spoke and I got along with his siter and he got along with my family too. We’d have sleepovers all the time and we’d do all the fun shit kids would do like go to carnivals, watch inappropriate horror movies, play games, think that staying up past 12 was a sin, etc. Eventually all the friends I’d made in that time left my school due to family moving or to escape the relentless bullying at the primary school I went to, which I was about to face. I still kept in contact with Ben, but they’d all left the school and by the time I was 12 I was left with no friends at all. 

I’m certain that’s when things really started to spiral out of control for me. I would spend lunchtimes walking around the school by myself for the entire hour, trying to make it look like I was going somewhere so the other kids wouldn’t know I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Eventually they figured it out though and I became the target of daily bullying. They’d shout out at me that i was a loner with no friends, I’d be picked last for everything, I used to brush my hair all the way across like a hideous combover, and of course I withdrew more into myself and eventually because I didn’t like sports and was quite gentle, the homophobic bullying started. Teachers and my mum tried to push me to get talking to the kids and make friends with them but even when I tried I couldn’t say a single thing right. They’d always make fun of me whenever I opened my mouth. I remember telling a ghost story while everyone else was and for the rest of the day the entire class of 30+ kids crowded around me laughing and pointing, some poking me and the teacher did nothing. When I finally told them to fuck off I was sent into detention for swearing. When I approached teachers they would get frustrated and tell me that I should’ve told them sooner. I would be pulled up on the smallest misbehaviour and punished because I was isolated and alone so I stood out. I think the lowest point for me was when I went to speak with kids I’d been trying to make friends with for an entire year and they turned around and asked me if I wanted to hear a song they made. And It was about me, how ugly I was, how gay I was, and how much of a loner and loser I was. I had to stand there and watch these girls do that as the boys laughed. That’s one of the only things from those days that’s really stuck with me I think. The rest of it I’m pretty much over. Of course it still has its effect on me, but I don’t expect apologies or hold it against any of the kids who did it. I can see the impact it has had on the rest of my life though.  For my final year of primary school I managed to find friends again, although the kids who used to bully me were still around and all the homophobic bullying continued. 

Mind you, at this stage I had no idea that I was gay. I hadn’t really thought about it. In fact, I was jerking off to women, it wasn’t until later on that I found it out for myself, so being bullied so hard for my sexuality for so long I think played a huge huge role in how long it took me to accept and understand it.  Anyway, I left primary school terrified to go into high school like everyone is, but I was kind of hopeful that I’d get there and things would be better. Of course, I was wrong, because I wasn’t prepared for how grown up a lot of the rich kids at private school wanted to seem. Around the first year of high school when I was 13 I drifted away from Ben, which still makes me sad but we’re both entirely differnet people than when we were kids, obviously. He’s a very straight guy and I’m a very gay one. I made another very close friend in highschool though, and this is where I’ll stop saying names because a lot of these people are still in my life. He was also brand new to the school and we lived extremely close to each other. For a while, it was only me and him, two extremely dopey 13 year old kids with horrific haircuts, braces, and breaking voices. By this point my skin had really started breaking out and I can assure you I was still not into sports. Not really the best thing when I was enrolled in a private school known for its sporting elitism. I realised really quickly that things weren’t going to be easy for me there. It really didn’t take long for the homophobic bullying to start up again. It was much, much worse this time though. People would actively avoid me, they would spread rumours that me and my only friend were fucking (he’s another extremely straight guy) and it just made me horrified that he’d ditch me to avoid all that. A girl I’d never spoken to, who was extremely popular, once did one of those trashy “Tag Your Friends Who...” things on Facebook. I wasn’t friends with her but stumbled across the photo somehow, and on the part that said “tag your friend that’s most likely to be gay” she had written my full name, and there was a huge comment thread underneath it with the boys and girls from school saying things like “HAHAHA and what about the science teacher he sneaks off into the storeroom with...”. Even though I’d managed to make more friends, my confidence was fucking gone. I could barely open my mouth in classes. The bullying came from the teachers too, primarily the sports department because they had so much power. I’d be singled out and chastised and was threatened with expulsion more than once for refusing to sign up to extra curricular sports and show up to Saturday morning games and such. This caused extreme conflict at home too, with my dad being such a masculine guy and respecting the boys sport master as he was an ex-state football player. He’d yell at me and resent me and tell me how much better his life would be once I left home. Mum would also fight with me because I was just so adamant to not give the teachers what they wanted.  Once I got older around 16 I really started to figure out that I’m not straight. I had crushes on girls, I even dated one for a short while, but we kissed twice and I bailed on that. I’d managed to create a pretty solid friendship circle.For reference sake I’ll make up names for people. I got in touch with one of the girls I was friends with way back in primary school, one of the ones I was a cunt to (Susan), and my Straight Friend from high school (Peter) had a friend of his own who was having extreme difficulties at home and making friends at school (Harvey). I also met a friend online who we used to speak almost every day and she was a real comfort to me and genuinely wanted to speak with me all the time (Karen). I lost a few friends from my younger high school years, but eventually somehow ended up with a group of the more “nerdy” girls. Me and Peter were finally in our own friendship group within school and I was able to throw parties and 20+ people would attend. Of course, I was still the victim of homophobic rumours and bullying in PE from both the jock boys and teachers, but overall It was going okay. I had my first crush on a boy, and to this day I’m not convinced he’s entirely straight, but also he was extremely attractive and very popular so I had absolutely not chance with him in a million moons. We only spoke on MSN and never spoke at school. I was also having minor obsessive crushes on girls as well, but I think that was from my feelings of lonliness and also seeing straight people all over the place and thinkin that was supposed to be me.  Eventually, somehow I became extremely close with one of the girls in our friendship group at school (April), and me, her and Peter became a trio of sorts. We were very close with the other friends too, Harvey and Susan and we’d often organise parties and gatherings where we’d have picnics or go places, see movies, or hang out.  Eventually the final year of high school came along and I embraced my passion for acting and comedy. Suddenly, almost everyone in the school loved me. They thought I was the most hysterical, valuable person they’d met. I was still withdrawn and compltely unsure how to act around any of them, but eventually I came to it and made a few friends from being more open with myself. I was so closed off and just sure that everyone was out to bully me and I’d become judgmental and bitter, but I’m so thankful I got to know some of those people a bit better. I just wish I’d been able to do so sooner.  At home things weren’t going as well though. My dad was diagnosed with a rare lung condition, and my brother and sister had begun to fight quite viciously (both of whom had moved out of home long ago and had families of their own). It devolved to the point where my brother completely shut off my sister and my parents from his life. We didn’t hear a word from him. 

Also at this point Peter and Karen started dating, despite her living in NSW and him in SA. That didn’t end well and it caused a rift between them. Karen was also starting to experiment with drugs and argue with us quite often. She also became quite distant after some time. But she’d even come down to visit us here twice. 

Peter really started to drown himself in study, and that left me and April. During this time me and her became really close. She was the daughter of two of the teachers at the school, so obviously we couldn’t get into too much trouble, but we had free lessons together and instead of studying we’d sneak off to Maccas for lunch and every week we’d visit a pet store up the road and visit all the animals that we’d given names to. We even went into the city once and brought Disney DVDs and Britney Spears albums. She was the first person I came out to, and I remember it as clear as day because I got a blade of grass stuck in my eye a few seconds after.  The last year of high school is when my mental health started to really deteriorate. I felt lonely, worthless, ugly, and extremely afraid. Schoolwork had an effect on me that I’m still not able to fully describe. It drained me of all energy and made me want to cut into my skin just to feel something. Of course this meant that I wasn’t able to provide my teachers the standard of work that they wanted, and they berated and screamed at me for it. I fought back, becasue it’s all I knew how to do, but I was always told I was rude, disrespectful and being difficult.  I remember the exact day I knew something wasn’t right in my brain. I was supposed to be in a Biology lesson but I hadn’t done work on an assignment tha was due. I couldn’t front it. I didn’t do it because I couldn’t. I’d sat down and tried and tried but I couldn’t wrack my brain to do it and I couldn’t ask for help because I had shut down. I was walking around school, breathing so hard I could feel my heart pounding in my throat, and eventually I saw one of my good friends who immediately could see something wasn’t right. I didn’t say anything and she didn’t either but she immediately hugged me and all I did was sob and tell her I just wanted to kill myself I just wanted to run onto the road and have the cars flatten me. She took me to my class and explained it to my teacher who was surprisingly very understanding. That teacher from then on made sure to check up on how I was doing with work and asked me if I needed any specific grade and once I said no she undeerstood and said “we’ll get you the passing grade you need, but we won’t push you any further than that, alright?” and I’ll never forget that. It was one of the kindest things a teacher had ever done for me. Her understanding meant so much. 

Although, my mental health continued to fail, and my life continued to get harder. I finished high school with very below average grades, and it seemed like most people were over me and didn’t really care. I was also coming to terms with just how gay I was. Which was very. And I hated the fact I’d never been in a ~~~real~~~ relationship. Lonliness was taking me over. April was there for me every second though, and I opened up to her about how I felt. Peter eventually moved to NSW to study there, like he was always going to. It was very upsetting for our friendship group as everyone loved him, and I was so close to him for such a long time that not having him around constantly was going to be really, relaly hard. Luckily I still had April and all of my other friends who wanted to hang out and see me a lot. Harvey, Susan, and my other new close friend Talia were all there. Susan and Talia both went to study art at uni, and they both got put in the same class. They didn’t know each other too well but I was very excited for the both of them to get to know each other, and eventually they stated to get along really well! 

Me and April only got closer as the first year out of high school went on. She would catch the bus to my house and we’d hang out and do fuck knows what. Anything we felt like. Sometimes she’d stay the night, and she’d always be there to help me set up for parties or through difficult times. We’d speak over skype almost every night and we did so many things and spoke about so much stuff that I can’t even think of many things off the top of my head to list becasue there’s just so much we did. It reached the point where there’s not one thing she didnt know about me and I don’t think there was one thing I didn’t know about her. When we played truth or dare at parties we could answer for each other, and we were communicating with silent looks. 

Still, my depression was getting worse. My lonliness was getting worse. I was desperate, horrificly so, to find a boyfriend. I got in contact with a boy I met vaguely through an old friend who did youtube. I started practically harassing him. Messaging him every day, getting so sad when he wasn’t as intersted in me as I was in him. I confessed my feelings multiple times and never took the hint. I was just too desperate and it was making me even worse. Susan went to school with this guy, and she didnt’ like him (like most people at her school) and when a night came that I was going to make an attempt and messaged my friend Talia about it, having her talk me down and thanking her for it, I was terrified. Anyway a week or so later I had a party at my house and Susan came to help me get ready. I’d invited Talia but she said she wasn’t coming. Susan handed me her phone for some reason and it had been left open on her mesasges with Talia. I saw something along the lines of “I can’t come tonight I’m far too annoyed at Marc for that.”. I didn’t say anything and took it to deal with later because I didn’t want to make it look like I was snooping. I’d invited the boy and one of my new friends who was friends with him to this party as well. Susan had messaged Peter all about it saying how he should be happy he’ snot here anymore because I was just feeding this boy alcohol to try and get him drunk and there was absolutely no other beverages on offer. She said how selfish and inconsiderate I was being, and how creepy and uncomfortable for others my relationship with April was. She said I was only depressed because my mum had sheltered me and that for me to get over it I needed to have some real suffering and some real pain. Peter was forwarding all of thsi on to me, becasue he knew it wasn’t true because he knows who I am and wanted me to know that she was saying these things and wanted to hear my perspective. I was annoyed, but April was there with me and supported me 100%. I was able to keep it to myself, and I wanted to try and smooth things over with Susan and Talia. Talia wasn’t speaking to me nearly as much as normal which was very hard because I used to call her one of my best friends. Susan was still speaking to me a bit though, however she seemed much angrier. I messaged her eventually and asked “Hey, have I done anything lately to upset you or Talia?” and she said why I asked that and I just said “I just feel like I’ve perhaps done something to upset you two” and all she said to me was “Talia had a friend who killed himself and my uncle almost did so maybe you should think about that before you say anything. Anyway I have to go now.” 

Things just started to boil over more and more and I was becoming angrier and angrier because as time went on Susan and Talia were actively trying to gather my friends and stage an intervention for me to cut specific people out of my life. Those people being the boy I liked, the new friend I’d made and was getting very close to, distance myself from April, and move away from my mum and sick dad. I got drunk at a party and ended up screaming at Susan as she tried to boss me around. We didn’t speak much after that but she messaged me after not speaking for months asking for us to meet up one on one. I told her no becasue it wasn’t just me she had a problem with and it wasn’t juts me that she’d hurt and we should all speak about it as a group. She instantly replied with aggression and denied ever talking about me behind my back and trying to turn people against me (I had actual screenshots of this occuring). She told me I was fake and weak and that I needed to get over myself. Then she blocked me without giving me any chance to respond. 

I hung on to anger about this for so long and I’ve only very recently gotten over it. Suffice to say I’ve never spoken to either Susan or Talia again after that, which is sad because I used to consider both of them some of my best friends.  Time went on, eventually I got over the boy but I’d managed to make a very good and best friend in the friend I’d re-met through him and she’s still one of my best friends to this day and one who has managed to stick wtih me all this time. I only have positive things to say about her, and if she’s reading this i know she’ll feel self concious that she’s not in this story much but that’s because I’m focusing on mostly the bad parts and the good things in the past that turned bad and she isn’t either of those things and she doesn’t mean any less to me than any of this shit that I’m writing out now.  My dad’s health got worse and worse. He was in hospital a lot and he was having immense trouble breathing. During this time I actually met a boy on Tumblr and we began to date shortly after. The problem was he lived in NSW, but it alleviated my lonliness at least and I felt so happy. However it was extremely bittersweet because at the same time I had to keep it a complete secret from my family, which was difficult when our only form of communication was Skype. I had such a horrible, sickly fear that my parents would find out. I would have panic attacks over it and still to this day, even though my mum knows now, it makes me feel ill to think about it.  I remember hearing dad downstairs one day, choking and trying to scream out for help. He was rushed to hospital and kept in the ER. He was strapped to oxygen machines for days. Mum was in and out all the time. I spent so much time at the hospital. Eventually the doctors told us in a roundabout way that he was dying, and he was dying within the week. He was fully aware of what was happening, and things only got worse. I sat there as his mind twisted itself around. He so desperately didn’t want to die. He would explode into panic attacks where he would cry and wail. There was no anger in these, just complete and utter horrible anguish. I’d never seen anything like it before, and I just had to sit there while mum was crying trying to calm him down and the nurses had to come and strap him to the bed. Eventually he was so sick that he couldn’t speak. He was on almost 100% oxygen and they had to drug him up so he couldn’t know what was happening. Eventually, the time came where my family told them to turn off the breathing machines, and he died within minutes.  It’s then that my brother came back. He felt guilty and was trying to fix things. 

Things between him and my sister couldn’t be fixed though. They didn’t speak and there was still so much hatred there. 

With dad gone, mum couldn’t afford the house anymore. It was just me and her, so she had to sell it which was horrible and stressful and hard. I was suddenly having to help with all of these grown up things that i never thought I’d have to for at least a few decades. All the while I was being pushed into deciding what to do with my life and sitting on my massive fucking secret. 

April was still there through all of it though. Peter was too, but not as much, he was interstate of course. My boyfriend and my new friend were there just as much as April. Harvey was there too. 

Oh boy was Harvey there. He and April ended up having a uni class together, and they became closer. This lead to Harvey developing an infatution with her which she relayed to me every day. It led to her having to gently let him down, and he spent a full year hating her. Truly, viciously hating her. His attitude had changed and he was becoming more and more arrogant and self ighteous. Peter’s family had basically adopted him as their own and even they were having conversations with me and April about how horrible he was being. When this was brought to his attention, he only got worse and actively worked to bring down any of us who had a part in saying anything. I had lost all patience with him since I was told of his sexual harrassment, entitlement to women, and selfish comments, and so I was ready to cut him off completely and I made that no secret.  Around this time my boyfriend actually made the move to SA, and him and April became roommates. I was absolutely terrified because I was so scared that my mum would find out about it. I was happy to have more people close to me physically, but the terror outweighed it. 

April and Harvey continued speaking, although she was very vocal with me about her distaste for him and her insistence that after uni was over she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. That’s why when she told me he’d asked her to go to his house to talk, I wasn’t worried. I let her know she was free to tell him every little thing I’d said and let him know I didn’t care I’d say it to his face personally if I could.  Things were never the same after that. I’ll never know what was said, but since that meeting between them, April and me were never as close as we once were. She started ignoring my messages, ditching events with me and our other friends to go and see him, actively berating things that she knew I really enjoyed amongst other things.  It planted the seed of something I never thought I’d ever see between us, a lack of care and even irritability. Things got worse and worse and eventually we weren’t even friends anymore. Not just not best friends, we weren’t even friends. She was seeing Harvey so often, speaking with him all the time, doing things that we used to do, all the while Havey was making life hell for me. Punishing me in ways only a silent manipulator can. I tried to reach out and tell people what was happening but nobody believed me and I still don’t think anybody does. This only made it worse. I became angry because April had never had any reason to distrust me before, and I didn’t know why Harvey was that reason now. Eventually I cut her off, I didn’t think she was the person I once knew and I didn’t think she even liked me anymore. I felt pain whenever we spoke or saw each other. I wanted to reach out to my extremely close friend, somewhere in her and beg and plead with her not to be taken in by Harvey’s new manipulative tricks. It was too late though. I failed her, and I’d tried so fucking hard. He was still trying to get back at me though, in every way that he could, and she was enabling him to do that because she was still a aprt of my life. I had to cut her out no only for my own safety but for the safety of my remaining friends.  Now I’m at the stage where I am now. Everyone left in my life has tried to leave  me because I’m too much, and whenever it happens I can’t handle it. I think the moral of my life story is that I’m not, have never been, and never WILL be good enough for anything or anyone. Aside from when I was extremely young, barely walking, I haven’t been worth anything. I’ve just been a disappointment, someone to cut off, to dismiss, or to push aside. I have tried everything to be better and worth people’s investment, but it never works. I know even now those who remain close to me, all of them, are thinking about ways in which they’ll cut themselves off from me, knowing that it’s healthier for them. My boyfriend travelled overseas without me without any regrets, while I felt crushed and alone because it had always been my dream to travel with a boy I loved and who loved me to special places to see it together, but I realised I’m not worth that to anyone else. He broke up with me because even after all of these things I’ve been through my walls are absolutely rock hard and impossible to break through, and I can’t let anyone in or let anything out. He only took me back because of how unstable and volatile I am.  One of the only joys in life I have left is my cat. I truly love her so much because she’s the only one who has been with me from start to present through at least the end of school shit that happened. I know she’s only an animal but to me she’s the only one I can open up with and be completely comfortable around. I am so thankful all the time that she’s with me.  I know I’ll never be worth anything to anyone, and I’m finding it so fucking hard to trust again. I don’t see the point when all my days are empty and I know that once life takes away from me what I have, I’ll be ready to die. My mum still cares for me. She drives me to work because I can’t do it myself. She cooks, she washes, she helps me with things i need to do. She’s older than most, and she wont be able to do those things much longer, and I am very close with her. My emotional distress is going to become too much on top of the material support I’ll no longer have. 

My cat, is a cat and as such has a much shorter lifespan than me. She will die and I have no idea when. 

There is nothing for me to live for past these things. Every other person who will be in my life past those things has told me, shown me, or let me know in other ways that they will not be around in any significant way, and I know it’s because I am worthless and awful. And I can’t count on myself because all I want is to fade away. So that’s what I will do.  Fucking novel. Nobody cares about my life enough to fucking ead all of this anyway lmfao.