#and since my parents moved it takes me an hour and half minimum to get anywhere if we dont meet centrally then its usually another hour

[samderella]

Living with my in-laws after evacuating from a hurricane be like

I appreciate you love and want to spend time with me, but if you don't let me hide in the guest bedroom and write nonsense for five uninterrupted hours, I will scream

[nerdie-faerie]

Tryna organise plans with one of my oldest friends for the winter break, and this girl has always been consistently late. I always let her choose what time we meet to avoid this but pretty much every time without fail, after I've already set off she'll ask to postpone by half an hour and then still be late. So this time I suggested meeting later than usual because where she wants to meet will take me two hours to get to but no. This time, she wants to meet earlier as if she isn't always late 😭

[slttygeto]

JJK MEN AS DADS — headcanons.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥featuring: geto suguru, nanami kento and toji fushiguro.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥note: enjoy this alternate universe where everyone is okay and safe and happy.

╰┈➤ interested in sending a commission?

╰┈➤ GOJO'S VERSION

—GETO SUGURU ;

some of you might not agree with me on this but he probably never saw himself becoming a dad

sure he loves kids, they do annoy him when they’re loud and all over the place but he never thought that he would have kids

that is until you announced to him that you were pregnant, and his entire world changed

his daughter is pretty much everything to him but he doesn’t spoil her (gojo does)

he wants to teach her proper manners, the right way to communicate things and isn’t big on spoiling

and you both end up raising a sweetheart who’s in love with uncle satoru.

“baby, stay in my sights.” you heard suguru talk to your daughter as you both walked down the food aisle. she was well mannered, didn’t act up or tried to be bratty when told something (unless she was having a really bad day, which was very different).

watching your husband parent a child that looked like a mix of you both was a different kind of love. he was gentle, careful and most importantly trying to be there for her.

from taking her on daddy-daughter dates, to talking things out with her when she was mad at him or when she messed up, suguru proved himself worthy of becoming someone’s father.

“who knew someone else would come along, and you’d call them baby,” you teased the man with a small smile, letting him push the cart while you walked next to him. he shot you a playful glare before grabbing a can of tuna.

“don’t even start—i somehow got used to speaking in girl voice from being forced to attend her tea parties…” he sighs but you know it's far from a tired one. he looks at your daughter with so much love, so much adoration that your heart flutters.

you were incredibly lucky.

“tell me you love me in your girl voice, come on,”

"move."

—NANAMI KENTO;

this man was made to be a father

despite how tired he looks he always makes time for you and your girl

very lovey dovey and is very proud of referring to you two as his girls

whenever he is asked to hang out, he goes 'lemme make sure my girls dont need anything'

hes quite literally the best

most patient, loving and understanding husband/father

ever since you gave birth, kento and your daughter had a routine. you two would feed her at 8p.m when he comes back from work, he would then take her to the bathroom where he would bathe her then read her a bed time story. he would then kiss her goodnight, keep the small moon shaped light turned on before closing the door.

it was endearing because he put it on so much effort when it came to her. you knew it was the bare minimum for a father, but you were still very grateful that you married a good husband and an even better father.

both kento and your daughter were now in the bathroom. bath time usually took about twenty minutes to half an hour, and it would be filled with giggles coming from your four year old and kento's occasional chuckles. but it was oddly quiet, so you decided to go check on them.

when you opened the door, your heart melted at the sight. your daughter had fallen asleep in the bathtub, and so your husband was trying his best to get her out and dry her up before she caught a cold.

and he was doing it so quietly that you couldn't help but ask if he needed any help.

"baby, do you need help?" you whispered to the man holding the sleeping girl, lightly kissing his nape and squeezing his shoulders.

"I got this." he whispered in response, turning around and pressing a light kiss on your lips and forehead.

you watched with heart eyes as he gently woke her up to dry her hair, kissed her forehead and continued on with their routine, before it was time to say goodnight.

nanami kento was an angel sent from above.

—FUSHIGURO TOJI;

this man isn't new to parenting, in fact you knew you weren't his first wife

but you were accepting of it, helped giving the grieving man a second chance at life as he liked to say

you met megumi when he was still so young and the little boy loving you was enough reason for toji to confirm that you were indeed the right one

loving a child that wasn't yours wasn't given to everyone, toji was well aware of that

and as you watched the man parent megumi, you were a bit hesitant to announce to him your pregnancy

when you did tho, he sobbed like a baby

and twins? a boy and a girl? oh he was in for a ride

"you little rascals better let me love on my wife in peace." your husband whispered to the two sleeping babies in their cribs. it was 9p.m and they were fortunately fast asleep.

you on the other hand, were busy with your oldest.

finally after getting them in bed, you were with megumi in the kitchen asking him what you should pack for his lunch tomorrow, which the ten year old responded with what he typically always chose.

megumi wasn't a difficult child, but with the arrival of the twins, you were a bit worried that he would think you and toji no longer cared for him. dealing with twins wasn't easy, but you were aware and willingly brought two lives to his family, and were fully responsible for it.

when toji was with the twins, you would help out megumi with his homework. and when it was time to breastfeed the babies, toji would take megumi to basketball practice or engage in a random activity together.

"a juice box?" you asked while packing his lunch, which the little boy nodded at before staring at who was coming down the stairs.

"you got school tomorrow at 8?" toji asked megumi, and the little boy responded with a nod. not much of a talker.

"are they asleep?" megumi quietly asked his dad, who raised an eyebrow at him before saying 'yes' and you watched as your son fiddled with his fingers, anxious of what to say next.

"gumi, do you wanna see them?" you stepped in, a hand resting on his back. the little boy looked up at you with sparkly eyes, grateful that you understood him.

"go, and if they do wake up call me." you kissed his forehead and watched as he carefully tiptoed upstairs.

toji's eyes stayed glued on you during the entire interaction, and finally let his arms wrap around your waist once your son was upstairs before resting his forehead on your shoulder.

"thank you," he whispered out, pressing his lips to the side of your neck.

"for what?" you chuckled, caressing the taller man's back.

"for making everything feel like it's worth it."

2023 © all works belong to slttygeto. do not repost my work anywhere else.

[glorious-spoon]

a miserable pile of secrets [9-1-1 | Eddie Diaz & Hen Wilson | 1/1]

1.8K words | friendship | emotional hurt/comfort | implied/referenced cheating

a miserable pile of secrets [on AO3]

She finds Eddie up on the rooftop, which makes sense, given that Buck is currently working out his feelings on the heavy bag after Bobby finally snapped at the two of them to get their acts together unless they wanted to be benched. Chim's down in the weight room with him, which means that Hen is up here in the warm night air to talk some sense into the other half of their codependent little unit, who is currently perched on one of the folding chairs that they usually leave up here. He's as still as a statue, tense like he's afraid of what his body might do if he lets it move.

"Hey," Hen says, and he gives a jerky little nod of acknowledgement. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead."

"Thanks." She pulls out one of the other chairs and sits down. "So."

"Bobby sent you."

"I sent myself," she corrects mildly, and watches Eddie's shoulders hunch a little. "I don't think I've ever seen you and Buck fight like that."

Though the truth is, she really only caught the tail end of it. Buck's frustrated voice rising on, "Do you hear yourself? How did you think this was going to work out? Have you even thought about Chris? What, you were just going to introduce him to her like—"

"Chris? Since when is how I parent my son any of your business?"

"I don't know, Eddie, you kind of made it my business when you put me in your fucking will!"

"Yeah, well, maybe that was a mistake!"

There was ringing silence in the wake of that. Then Buck said something quieter, inaudible from where Hen and Chim were standing frozen outside the locker room door, and Eddie spat, "Go to hell. I'm done talking about this."

The door slammed open and he stormed out, only pausing for a moment when he saw the two of them standing there. It wasn't until he'd already stomped up the stairs to the loft that Buck emerged, scowling.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snapped, before either of them could speak.

That was six hours ago. Neither of them has said a single word to each other since outside of the bare minimum on calls. The tension in the back of the truck has been thick enough to cut with a knife, and none of Chim's increasingly desperate jokes has done a damn thing to lighten the mood.

Hen doesn't blame Bobby for being fed up with the pair of them. She's caught somewhere between that and worry, herself. This isn't like them. Either of them.

Eddie shrugs again, tense. "I don't really feel like talking about it."

"Mm." 

Hen kicks her legs out, relaxes into the chair and waits him out. It doesn't take long. Maybe two minutes before he lets out an angry little huff and says, "Marisol dumped me this morning."

"Oh," Hen says. That explains some of the mood, anyway. "Well, I'm sorry to—"

"I cheated on her. She found out."

She closes her mouth. For a moment she just looks at him: his tight jaw, his hands in fists on his thighs, so tense he looks like he's about to snap. Like looking through a warped mirror to a younger version of herself, and maybe that's why she manages some gentleness when she says, "That doesn't sound like you."

"Yeah. That's what Buck said. Shows what he knows."

"Why'd you do it?"

"It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I fucked up."

"If you're waiting on me to tell you otherwise, you'll be waiting a while." Eddie lets out a sharp, bitter little bark of laughter, and Hen adds. "I've been there, you know."

"Yeah. But it's not—Karen forgave you."

"Eventually, yeah. She didn't have to."

"Yeah," Eddie says, and then doesn't say anything else. 

"Is that what you and Buck were fighting about?"

He shrugs again. Like talking to a damn teenager, Hen thinks. Not Denny, with his easy sweetness, but like one of the other kids who come through their home sometimes on temporary placements: already on the defensive, claws out, ready to fight. 

"I guess," he mutters finally.

"You put him in your will?" Eddie scowls at her, and she shrugs. "Hey, if you want it to be a secret, maybe don't have your domestics at the top of your lungs in the locker room we all use."

He scoffs, clearly annoyed, but doesn't get up and storm off, so she's counting that as a win. Finally, he says, "Yeah. He's down as Chris's legal guardian if something happens to me. Since—uh, since I almost died in that well collapse a few years back."

Oh. Hen contemplates that for a moment, squares it up in her head with what she already knows about Eddie. It's not, she'll admit, completely out of left field. But still. "And you think maybe that was a mistake?"

Eddie groans, dropping his head back. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

"Maybe you should tell Buck that."

"He's pissed at me."

"Seems mutual."

"Yeah," Eddie says, wry and still kind of irritated. But then he sighs. "You ever do something where you know the whole time you're doing it that it's going to blow up in your face, and somehow that still doesn't stop you?"

"Yep," Hen says, remembering a dark little motel room and the sharp cut of Eva's smile. A whole damn pile of fuck-ups, that relationship was, and she dragged it along with her to almost ruin the best thing in her life.

"I keep thinking I see Shannon. It's like she's just around the corner, like if I turn around fast enough, she'll be there, and I'll be able to go back and make it right. But I can't."

"No. You can't."

"It's been five fucking years."

"No timeline on grief."

"I went on a date with a woman just because she looked like her." Hen raises her eyebrows at him. He slouches lower in his seat. "A couple of dates. It—didn't end well."

"Mm. You mean because she turned out to be a whole damn person who wasn't Shannon, or because your girlfriend found out?"

"Both," Eddie mutters. "Believe me, I already heard it from Buck."

"Oh, I believe it."

"But he's—" Eddie snaps his mouth shut.

"Kind of a hypocrite on this particular subject?" Hen offers.

"That's not what I was going to say. He's with Tommy now. So."

"So?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter."

Hen would dearly love to interrogate that line of thinking, but she keeps her mouth shut. For a little while, they don't speak. It's a transient kind of peace; their next call could come at any minute. But for now, the city's as quiet as it ever is, lit up and beautiful in the distance.

Eventually, Eddie shifts in his chair, straightens up like he's bracing for something, then says, abruptly, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Hen raises her eyebrows. "Go ahead."

"Have you ever been with a guy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forget it," he says quickly, hunching in on himself again. "I don't even know why I asked. You can tell me to go to hell."

She almost does tell him to go to hell. Has her mouth open and everything. But then she takes another good look at his face and lets the words dissipate. 

"No," she says finally. "Kissed a couple of boys in high school, but I pretty much always knew it wasn't for me."

"Oh." Eddie's mouth twists. He's still staring a hole in the concrete by his feet, and Hen wishes like hell that this was easier for him, that he could have stumbled into it with wide eyes and open arms without leaving a trail of wreckage in his wake. Buck managed it, but it's not like that for everyone. She knows that.

"Karen was engaged to a man, you know," she says, and she watches him still, watches him turn, finally, to look at her. 

"I didn't know that."

"It was a long time ago. College sweetheart. She called it off a week before the wedding. Broke his damn heart, from what I hear. Probably better in the long run, though, all things considered."

Eddie laughs at that, a raw, horrible little sound. "I was a bad husband to Shannon. I loved her so much, and I still could never—and I always thought that maybe, if we'd just had more time, maybe I could have gotten it right, and we could have been a family again, and it would have been okay."

"But she died."

"She asked me for a divorce."

"Oh." Hen takes a breath, lets it out. Careful, careful. "I didn't know that."

"Nobody knows that. I mean. Bobby does. But nobody else. Because she died two days later, so I never had to—to tell anyone. I never had to admit it. I could keep pretending. But it doesn't even matter, because I've also fucked up every relationship I've been in since. So it's kind of obvious where the problem is."

"Mm. You know what my mama used to say?"

Eddie cuts her a look. "What?"

"Get down from that cross, we need the wood."

When he laughs this time, it sounds a little more real. Hen nudges her knee against his, and for a minute they sit there together in silence.

"I fucked up," he says again, but it's calmer.

"Yep."

"What the hell do I say to Buck?"

Not Marisol, Hen notes. Though the truth is she's pretty sure that whole relationship was dead and gone long before whatever went down this morning. Maybe from the very beginning. Eddie's just got a bad habit of dragging those corpses around. "Sorry might be a good start."

"He's gonna ask why. I don't have a good answer. I can't—" He looks over at her, and all Hen can think is that he looks so damn young. "I can't."

"So tell him that. You know he's not gonna push it."

"Yeah, he will."

"He's worried about you."

Eddie scoffs. "Yeah."

That was, Hen surmises what the fight was about in the first place. Unstoppable force, immovable object. Sometimes she wishes she could just knock their stubborn heads together until they showed some sense.

"He loves you," she says, and Eddie flinches.

"I know that," he mutters.

Hen sighs. "Just talk to him. You don't have to tell him anything you're not ready to tell him, but just—talk to him. Okay? For all our sakes."

"Yeah, okay," Eddie says, sounding defeated. "Sorry about that."

"We'll survive," Hen says. She bumps her knee against his again, and they sit there together in silence, watching the city lights, until the bell starts going off below.

[col-e7]

Ninjago headcanons again but my high school with no powers AU (post 1/5)

/!\ TW : traumas, E.D, depression, SH, cigarettes and dr8gs, bullying, mental health, violence, VERY long post with the worse grammar possible /!\

This will be a serie of 5 posts with 3 characters each time. Any ideas, suggestions, headcanons or anything to complete mine is appreciated !

Kai Smith

• is 17 y/o

• is in 11th grade

• uses he/they pronouns but prefers being seen as a guy

• androgyne and pansexual

• are Mexican by their mother and Japanese by their father

• fluent speakers in Spanish and Japanese

• he’s between 5’7 and 5’8 tall (somewhere between 1m70 and 1m72)

• they’re the 3rd older after Zane and Cole

• they’re born on 18 august

• has I.E.D (intermittent explosive disorder)

• has insomnia since the burglary happened (in my AU, Kai and Nya’s parents died stopping burglars who entered in the house, Kai were 10 and Nya 9)

• everyone knows him and his relation with his siblings and how you shouldn’t hurt or annoy them if you don’t want to go to the hospital (that’s what happened to Lloyd’s bullies in middle school)

• due to what they did to Lloyd’s bullies, they had to pay for the damage and the treatment. It took them almost a year and half to find the money

• has a LOT of followers on his socials, especially instagram

• is good at English, P.E., politics and social classes and surprisingly good at art (only at whatever touching fashion like anatomy, outfit sketches and drawing different textures/fabrics)

• wants to be a model or work in fashion industry

• has dated a lot of people in their life but it never lasted more then two months because of his I.E.D that their partner didn’t understand or search to understand, his habit to never seek help or say anything about his feelings

• is currently dating Skylor since the beginning of summer but they realise that they have maybe catch feelings for Cole

• is the only one with Jay to have a driver license

• always getting in trouble with school or students because they fight a lot (is easily provoked)

• work hard after school everyday (he’s overexploited by his boss and knows it but can’t quit his job because he couldn’t afford the apartment or pay any food)

• hate seeking help, see it as weakness

• his insomnia get worse due to his night job and homeworks

• hide his dark rings with a bit of makeup

• was extremely afraid to wear dresses and skirts, anything for « girls » at school but since 10th grade they found the confidence to wear whatever they want and enjoys it

• loves help Lloyd with his art project when they need a model

• goes to art galleries with Lloyd and anything linked to fashion with Skylor and Cole

• have his right eye that moves more slowly than the other and his right pupil bigger and the left one because of one of the burglar : one of them was about to hit Nya by throwing some glass at her and he got between them to protect his sister and his upper eyes take some glass and that stupid little idiot tried to remove it but only make it worse and now, plus making his vision worse they also have a scar now

• loves going out at night with Cole when they end up high and talk about life and philosophical things in the moonlight

• organise hangouts with the entire friend group to the mall when he has enough money and they always ending up to do a sleepover at someone’s house (usually Jay’s because his parents are the kindest people ever)

• ALWAYS wear one black converse and the other red that he wrote on some lyrics of Lana del Ray « Say yes to me… » and « If you dance,… » that he match with Cole’s converse

• always on energy drinks to stay awake

• have an amazing sense of style and can make a beautiful outfit with the bare minimum, and can spend HOURS in a thrift store

• is a party animal since he can rarely go to parties with his job but those parties usually finished with him fighting or being so high or drunk he can’t even go home (he already spend a night outside bcz of that)

• they hate themselves for being a such problem and « bad brother », for being not mentally stable or economically stable as well

• they stop taking their medicine for their I.E.D because he couldn’t pay for both of his treatments and Lloyd’s ADHD medication

• used to skip meals to feed Nya and Lloyd, sometimes does it when it’s the end of the month and he can barely buy enough food for two persons

• has a HUGE crush on Cole since the beginning of the year

• was afraid for Nya when she gets in her first relationship but relax and learn to trust her and saw there were nothing to be worry about

• their fav artists are Hozier and Lady Gaga

• always ask to their therapist what Lloyd said to her but she always give answers like : "Kai, would you, please, considerate to turn off your big brother mode for an hour ? "

• doesn’t know to swim since they’re hella scared of water

• can plays drums

• definitely a mama’s boy

• has a naturally hotter body temperature

Cole Hence Brookstone

• is 18 y/o

• is in 11th grade because he repeat his 9th grade

• uses he/him and sees himself as a cis man

• gay

• is Algerian on his mother side and Indian on his father side

• fluent speaker in Arabic, Hindi and French and is learning Korean and Spanish

• he’s the second tallest after Zane : he’s between 6’2 and 6’3 (between 1m90 and 1m93)

• always sleeping in classes he found boring because his sleep schedule is a totally mess (goes with Kai in the back of the class and do their nap together)

• he’s the oldest of the group, being born one month before Zane

• doesn’t know what to do after school and he feels anxious about it because all his friends have already some ideas

• writes songs/poems in class in a notebook where he writes about his life/traumas, his thoughts and draws some doodles, he considers it like his diary and never shows it to anyone

• he has been diagnosed with an E.D (boulimia) at 6 and even tho he tried to handle it, he always has like severe periods in a year where he loses a lot of weight and feels extremely tired and bad, at the point he did a depression in 9th grade. It was already hard to get ready for school and go to classes so doing homework and listening to the teachers was almost impossible that’s why he repeated the year

• he get, followed after by Nya and Lloyd when they get 16, a motorcycle licence one week after he got 16. He needed it to drive himself to school since his dad isn’t always at home because of his work and since he’s often drunk he prefers to go by himself

• he smokes and very rarely dr8gs with Kai. Lloyd often ask if he could pay them some cigarettes but Cole never does because 1 : "you’re literally a walking angel alive, you’re too pure for that shit" and 2 : " You want me dead and your siblings in jail ??"

• genuinely DESPISE P.E. class because of the changing room mostly. When he was in 8th grade he has been bullied for being gay and “watching boys changing in P.E.” and has been beaten up by his classmates for that. The year after the boulimia didn’t help and he would constantly comparing himself to other and thought he eat too much and doesn’t do enough sport, adding to that the comments of the P.E. teacher

• never goes outside without his headphones and a pair of earbuds too in case his headphones die

• people usually think he’s tough but actually he’s the kindest and sweetest guy ever and gives the best hugs when you need it

• does sleepovers with Skylor and Vania or just Vania but Nya, Pix and Skylor often invite themselves to the party

• speaks to Skylor in Arabic just to watch others’s faces

• learns Korean to understand Jay and Spanish to understand Kai, Nya and Skylor

• plays guitar and has a band with Morro, Akita and Vania

• he does not sing because he just can’t but he can perfectly do rap and beatbox

• he has daddy issues not due to his family legacy but mostly due to his father who can’t make his grieve of his wife and drink

• can do breakdance but will never do it in high school

• protects Lloyd every times he sees they’re being annoyed

• has a ton of pairs of converse but one black with the lyrics « say yes to heaven » and « I’ll dance » that Kai and him matched

• BIG HUGE fan of Cigarettes after sex (his fav songs of them are Sunsetz and Cry)

• his fav artists are Cigarettes after sex, TV girl, Arctic Monkeys, Conan Gray and Pyo (he’s a little singer go listen to his songs they’re worth it *^*)

• his coming out to his father was an absolute disaster and is one of his biggest traumas : his dad saw him and Kai kissing each other one day, so when he explained that Kai was more than a friend and that he was attracted to men, they had a huge fight while Kai was trying to defend his boyfriend but he had to go outside to calm himself down while he heard the screams and shoutings of the two men. After like a half of an hour, his father decided to kick him out of the house. He had to sleep at the Smith’s. The next day he tried to talk to his dad but he was drunk and told him he had no son, that he was dead and that’s why he threw all his stuff out of the window. Cole just took the stuff that was still intact -which means not a lot- by holding tears and leave the house

• spend two months in a hospital because of his ED which became so severe he lost 15 or 20kg (~33 and 44 ibs), he had a constant headache, was very tired close to the dehydration

• loves skateboarding with Morro and Lloyd

• after getting out of the hospital and tried his best to recover of both his traumas and his ED he get a tattoo for this : a dragon with lilies’s petals and flames

• has a big crush on Kai since middle school and Jay was the first to noticed it

• him and Jay have the most philosophical and deepest conversations ever about love and relationships, at 3am, calling each other on discord and playing horror video games

• studies with Zane (at least tries to) and our poor Zane had to survive to a freaking out lost Cole in math : " WHAT’S x ? WHAT’S y ? WHERE ARE NUMBERS WHEN YOU NEED IT ??!! "

• goes to gym with Zane, Kai and Nya

• mama’s boy club with Kai

Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon

• just turned 16 a few weeks ago

• are in 11th grade too (skipped 1st grade)

• use they/them pronouns and identify as a trans man

• thought they were biromantic and asexual but after a sexuality identity crisis that everyone has been, they discovered they were aroace

• they have autism and ADHD

• is Japanese on his mother side and Chinese on his father side

• can speak Japanese and Spanish thanks to the Smith siblings

• they’re 5’2 (1m57) will have growth spurt and be taller than Kai, being like 5’9-5’10 (1m77)

• they’re the youngest in the group

• has been abandoned by their parents in an orphanage at a very young age because their parents are criminals (i will develop this point later because i have literally no idea for now ;-;) but they ran away because of the way kids were treated. They found Kai after a month to live in the streets and quickly bonded after a talk. Kai decided to help Lloyd after heard their story and brought them home

• when they entered in the first time in a school they’re like 5 and it was in a kindergarten and they feel really different of the others kids, feel lost and overwhelmed by all the social interactions like at the orphanage but worse and cried almost all the morning before a teacher came and help them to calm down. And it was like that for a whole week, Lloyd didn’t wanted to disappoint Kai or Nya or took the risk of being rejected again so the teacher helped them to talk to Kai when he picked them up. Kai contacted a doctor who told them to see a psychiatrist for that case. So Kai contacted his therapist who diagnosed his I.E.Dto make an appointment. She was very kind with Lloyd and after a few months she diagnosed them both autism and ADHD

• are very intelligent but started getting bag grades after 6th grade because of the school system that is absolutely terrible for them with their ADHD and autism

• they’ve been bullied since 5th grade and started developing a school phobia and since they say everything to their siblings, Kai and Nya let them stay at home when they don’t feel like to go to school

• Jay helps them handle their ADHD since he has it too and also gives them tips about their transition since Jay’s also trans. Zane give them advices on their autism since they are autistic

• are extremely good at art and their whole bedroom is literally an art studio with graffiti on their walls, a lot of finished or unfinished paintings and a LOT of sheets filled with sketches and drawings on the floor or on his desk

• own like 6-7 sketchbooks, have started them all but never finished them (yet they still hope to finish them)

• have a few hyperfixations and the biggest ones are definitely sharks and video games (Jay bought them some books about sharks and gives them some of his own video games and Cole some plushies of sharks)

• have two hoodies (one green that looks like a frog and an another black that looks like a cat) that they put on when they feel overwhelmed by the noise around them

• have tried to learn how to play guitar but failed miserably so instead they just play violin and they’re amazingly amazing at it ✨

• have wayyyyyy too much plushies that they found on thrift store, theirs siblings/friends gave them or just found them in public places being lost for days. Lloyd gaves names and pronouns to each of them

• used to wear glasses but always ended up broken either by their bullies or by themselves so Pixal and Zane designed, with the help of their parents contact lenses for their 13th birthday

• vans shoes lover

• have for best friend Akita, a girl in their class and with who they have their best laughs in class. She’s their confidante after Kai and Nya

• often skating with Cole and Morro

• teach Akita how to do skateboarding

• their fav artists are Cavetown, The Neighbourhood, Feldup (mostly known in France even tho his songs are in English) and Hozier (thanks to Kai)

• always draw in class except History and English classes, their fav (they’re kind of history nerd)

• have depression episodes more or less serious but they are cutting themselves during those and try to attempt to k!ll themselves (mostly due to bullying and their poor self esteem)

• when they have nightmares they go to sleep with their favourite plushies in Kai’s bed, with Nya when she does nightmares and they both hug Kai for comfort and warmth because Kai has a naturally hotter body temperature

• often think about how they got adopted by Kai, where and who were their parents and ask themselves why they decided to abandon them, and always end up crying, feeling useless, unworthy and unwanted

That’s it for now !! Hope your day was great if not, i hope your tomorrow will !

The next characters in the next post will be Jay, Nya and Zane ! Hope you enjoyed those headcanons I may considering to make a fanfiction based on it idk anyways bye byeee !!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my aunt to either leave my grandma alone or pay her more?

So I (19ftm) am back in my hometown for a little while (I moved recently for school reasons and to get away from…well, this type of family drama) and I’m staying with my grandma (57) to avoid getting a hotel for several weeks. My aunt (40) has 3 young children (ages 9, 2, and one baby that’s about half a year old now) that she leaves with my grandmother while she goes to work. Granted, my aunt has 2 older children (24 and 20) that my grandmother primarily raised. Funny thing is that my grandma said she wouldn’t take care of more kids after the first one (though we lived in the same house, my parents made sure to not ask my grandma to take care of me because of this), but that didn’t stop my aunt from crying and begging her to take care of them while she goes to work.

So, my aunt is a nurse and I know she makes good money, and so does her boyfriend (the father of the 3 younger kids). Either of them alone make more in a year than my mom, my dad, and I make combined, but they pay my grandma 100 dollars per week (she takes care of 3 kids for 8.5 hours a day, 4-5 days a week) to take care of these kids. While I’ve been staying, I obviously try to help my grandma take care of the kids but even with me helping her it is a lot. Like I cannot emphasize just how stressful this is, and my grandmother and I both have pretty significant bone problems. My aunt’s kids are pretty heavy, but we often have to carry the 2 year old and obviously the baby.

While having dinner with my family (aunt, grandparents, uncle, cousins) a few days ago, I brought this up to my aunt (that it’s dangerous to make my grandmother take care of these kids all day when she already has osteoporosis amongst other things) and she got offended. I told her that it’s not fair that my grandmother is almost 60 and still pressured into taking care of kids that aren’t hers when she set the boundary over 20 years ago that she wouldn’t take care of more kids. My aunt started crying and told me that I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother, that I don’t know how stressful it is to be a professional woman and also a mother of 5 (which, true, I don’t). I snapped at her and told her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to be a mother of 5 because she hasn’t actually raised any of her kids—my grandmother has.

My grandmother tried to brush it off (despite venting to me the previous day) this is where I might have really been an asshole, since I told my aunt what my grandma said. That it was a lot, it was unfair, she’s old and tired and had two kids (my aunt and my mother) and didn’t sign up to raise all these other kids when she’s well into her fifties, that my aunt is taking advantage of her, etc etc. Then I finished it off by telling my aunt that if she has any respect for her mom, she should either pay my grandmother minimum wage at least ($15 an hour) or suck it up and get a babysitter.

My aunt and cousins (9, 20, 24) have not talked to me since, and I know maybe I overstepped/it’s not my business since I now live on the other side of the country, but also I’m not entirely sure anymore. Thoughts?

What are these acronyms?

[lil-miss]

Butch/femme ask game!

For you: 1, 2, 8

For the girls: 1, 3, 6

Answers for the girls were kinda long so they're under the cut

Me <3

1 . when did you discover you were butch, stud or femme? This is actually a hard one. So I would say this journey for me started around the time I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago. I wanted to explore my own identity as a lesbian a lot more because they kinda tried to push me into identifying differently for reasons I still cannot fathom. So I read a lot, like, A LOT of lesbian literature and poetry and essays and I really identified with the way these lesbians described being femme and concerning butch/femme dynamics. Yea, it was kinda a slow piecemeal discovery but I fully figured it out like around the time I started writing Galaxy Girls.

2 . when did you discover you were a lesbian? It's a long story that involves abandonment, private school, essentially child neglect, and Mount Lassen. The long and short of it is I walked up a mountain by myself and I came down a lesbian.

8. can you share the story of you coming out? UHHHHH. No. Coming out was kinda weird for me where I kinda did, kinda didn't. Like I'm out to my parents but we never had like the sit-down "Mom, Dad, I'm a lesbian" talk. So there's not really a story, sorry to disappoint. And even when coming out to friends, I mention being a lesbian in casual conversation so sometimes I'll get "Oh, I didn't know you were a lesbian" reactions and we just move on.

Girlies <3

1 . when did you discover you were butch, stud or femme? Dib discovered it pretty much at the same time that she figured out she was a lesbian. It was more personal for her, she met other, mostly older, butches and spoke with them and discovered her own identity by asking questions and listening to them talk about their life experiences. From there she got like really into it and picked up a lot of butch and lesbian literature, she'd always been a tomboy and had a weird relationship with her femininity and girlhood even at a young age. So I feel like her finding her butch identity was super comforting since the idea of being butch encapsulated her relationship with gender a lot better than being a tomboy or just masc. You guys are actually going to read Zim's discovery of her identity as a femme! So I won't say too much because some of the moments are really emotionally impactful (at least for me). Zim explores her sexuality with a more academic approach and discovers herself that way through literature, research, and other writings. She's entering this building her identity from scratch so she's cautious about talking about things that only a few months or a year ago she would have deemed "defective behaviors."

3 . what does being butch/stud/femme mean to you? Dib sees being butch more as her gender than being a woman. Another part of her feelings around being butch relates to her desire to be with a femme. She desires the closeness and validation of her identity that being in a butch/femme relationship would bring her on a personal level. But also she's had such generally bad experiences with people she doesn't really seek out meaningful relationships despite her desire to be in one. Zim experiences being femme as this piece of her that she was pretty much barred from because of her upbringing in the empire. Zim repressed her experience of sexuality and gender to fit into being an "ideal Irken" but now that she's free of that she can exist as a fuller version of herself. All this to say she associates her femme identity with her freedom from the empire.

6 . how long do you take to get ready in the morning? Dib: 20 minutes, 30 if she needs to shower. Zim: 45 minutes to an hour at minimum, but usually about an hour and a half. She's a high-maintenance girl.

[sincerelyjxyy]

Gold Rush - Three

Invisible String - Gold Rush

Chapter Three - Being Known Is Only Terrifying In The Best Ways

Song Of The Chapter - Brighter Than The Sun by Colbie Calliat

✧ i was very young when I was cracked open. some things you should let go of, other's you shouldn't. views differ as to which. i keep hold of everything, just in case. — emily berry, the numbers game ✧

Summary: Hurricane Agatha makes it's way over Kildare Island, leaving the Pogues to take full advantage of the off day. But how are they gonna bode well when they stumble upon a mysterious, sunken boat?

Word Count: 11.9k

Gold Rush Masterlist

LIVING ON AN ISLAND OFF THE EAST COAST HAD ITS POSITIVES. Being away from the mainland meant that during most of the year, residents didn't have to worry about overcrowding. When vacation season was over, the bustle of the island was kept to a minimum.

Being surrounded by water on all sides meant that the population of Kildare got to know each other pretty well. If anyone needed something done, you could always count on someone who knew someone.

And, of course, it meant that surfing was a must-have hobby for most kids growing up in The Banks.

As Josie ran down the front steps of the Wreck, she couldn't help the excited whoop that left her mouth the moment she caught sight of the Twinkie. For the last half hour of her shift, she'd been bouncing in her shoes as adrenaline simmered in her gut. The promise of surfing an insane swell had her giddily excited.

Rain slapped down hard against the pavement, but it only aided in Josie's racing heartbeat. She all but sprinted toward the sliding door of her friend's van and yanked it open, throwing herself into the back.

"Hello boys!" She slid the door shut behind her, grinning widely as she glanced at the boys in the front.

Once settled, her eyes flittered around to note that she was the only one occupying the back. She knew Kiara wouldn't join them, as Josie had just bid her goodbye not two minutes prior. Kie had stayed behind to help her parents storm-prep the restaurant.

But the lack of a blond surfing fanatic had Josie reeling in confusion.

She crawled toward the front and leaned in between the seats. Her brows raised as she shot both boys a questioning look. The lack of chaotic energy was unnerving. "JJ's not coming? Since when does he miss a surf?"

"Since he got shitfaced so hard, he passed out on my couch." John B chuckled as he turned to greet her with a pogue handshake. She then turned to Pope when they'd finished, brows raised in query.

He raised his hands in surrender and shook his head. "Don't look at me; I told you when he texted earlier that he was smashed." Josie rolled her eyes; nevertheless, she accepted the explanation.

JJ had texted her during her shift to ask if she wanted to surf the swell coming in, and it was easy to tell that he'd definitely been drinking. All Josie could do was laugh, especially once she'd gotten the text from Pope confirming their friend's state.

Still, Josie, Pope, and John B had all made plans to go out and surf the incoming storm's waves. Josie had assumed that the incentive would've given JJ a reason to sober up, but due to the apparent absence of her best friend, she had been mistaken.

She raised a brow at John B once she registered his similarly giddy expression. "You sure look happy for someone who's supposed to get interrogated by DCS tomorrow."

John B's eyes rolled as he steered the van through the pouring rain toward the beach. Josie's focus moved to the seat behind him as she lifted off the top, searching for the surf housing case for her camera. She'd left it there the last time they'd gone out on the water, too tired to remember to take it with her when she'd gone home.

She pulled it from its hiding spot and listened as John B spoke. "You see that storm right there?" He nodded toward the front windshield. "DCS isn't coming by anytime soon, and we're about to get some of the craziest shots ever out there."

He shot a wide smile over his shoulder as his gaze flickered to the device in her hands. "I'd say that calls for a little excitement."

Josie hummed in agreement, pulling her camera from her backpack to check she had the correct lens. Once satisfied, she began assembling the case over the camera. She'd spent enough time in the water and with a camera to understand how dangerous filming during a surge was. It was important to protect her equipment.

Being on the water was one of the only times anxiety didn't absolutely consume Josie, so she couldn't find it in herself to care too much about what could happen. She was so much more focused on the addictive feeling the surf was bound to give her.

"Let's just hope the new housing lives up to the storm better than the last one did," Josie offered.

Her previous camera had been completely ruined by doing something quite similar to what the three of them were setting out to do. Not less than a year prior, the pogues had been surfing a small storm when the casing on her camera fell apart.

She'd been devastated as she watched her camera plummet to the bottom of the ocean. Not only had it destroyed her to lose such a prized possession, but she also had to endure a stern lecture from Kiara on the repercussions of littering.

Petunia, of course, had never been made aware of the true reasoning for the camera's disappearance. The teen had simply claimed that she'd dropped it off of Kiara's dock. For Josie's following birthday, her mother had surprised her with a better camera, and the incident was never mentioned again.

Josie did have to buy the surf housing on her own, though.

"It'd be better for you to hope that you don't wipe out again. We can't afford to lose our photographer to drowning," Pope joked.

In retaliation, Josie leaned forward and laid a smack on the back of his head. "For your information, dearest genius, it's not a wipeout if you do it on purpose. I did it to get the sick shot of Kie, which was totally worth it."

She continued to fiddle with the protective cover. "Also, I literally had a procedure done today. So, if I do wipe out, it's excusable."

Pope shook his head in disbelief. "It's insane that your mom called the doctor yesterday and somehow you got in. I'm pretty sure we have to wait like a month after my mom calls our doctor."

Josie paused her movements and tried not to dwell too much on how her mother's cutthroat reputation led them through life. "Yeah, well, when you have a mother as ruthless as mine..."

The conversation faded as she finally clicked the cover into place. Her gaze moved to the windows, watching the rain outside as it poured heavily over the island. Harsh winds blew the palm trees so much that they bent at the top.

The surge was sure to be insane—nothing like any of them had seen before. Josie smiled as her veins buzzed with exhilaration. "This is gonna be so sick."

Soon after, John B pulled the Twinkie to a stop on a short patch of gravel to the side of the road. The three of them stared out the windshield as the rain crashed around them, excitement dancing in their eyes. "Alright, we get in, get some sick hang-time, and get out before it gets too bad. Agreed?"

Josie and Pope verbalized their accordance, and that was all John B needed before he opened the door.

As the boys exited the van into the storm, Josie moved to shimmy out of her clothes and down to her bathing suit. She then pulled on a rash-guard top someone had left in the back. Once she was dressed, she pulled the camera strap around her neck and climbed out to join the boys.

She was immediately hit by hefty rainfall and took a moment to adjust to the chill that overcame her. After a few beats, she grabbed the pink board John B handed down from the roof.

The trio quickly darted toward the water with their boards, squinting through the rain to watch where they stepped through the dirt and sand. The last thing any of them needed during a hurricane was a trip to the ER for stitches.

John B led the group, which meant he was also the one who had the best view of what was happening out on the water. "It's a double overhead out there, guys."

"Double overhead?" The concern was prominent in Pope's voice as they stopped to survey the water.

John B's claims were confirmed by the tall, crashing waves that made their way ashore. The cacophonous sound of thunder and lightning added to the ambiance of the rough waves that begged to be surfed. Wind guided the water inward as if to taunt the teens.

Josie would never admit it out loud, but her heartbeat fastened as the adrenaline began to kick in.

Ever the levelhead, Pope conceded his previous desire to surf the swell. "Those aren't surfable waves, bro."

But the other two weren't backing down.

"Says who?" John B laughed as he made eye contact with Josie, who stood on Pope's other side. His gaze bore a question into her, brows raised in anticipation.

Are you up for it?

Josie glanced back out at the raging water, and she tried to make her voice audible against the storm. "In 1778, Captain James Cook caught sight of Tahitian surfers riding the waves of the Pacific; it was the first time Europeans had ever witnessed surfing." She smirked at John B and nodded. "The Tahitians were able to do it because they knew how to hold their own in the water, just like us."

John B's grin widened in response. "Well then, RJ, let's make those surfers proud!"

The two of them raced into the water; Josie stayed further inland so that she wouldn't get swallowed by the giant waves while sitting on her board. She removed the camera from around her neck, utilizing the casing stand as she paddled back and forth to get the perfect shots of her friend.

Josie was aware of how ridiculous she probably looked as she photographed John B. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was grateful that it'd ended up only being the two of them out there.

She stood and rode a few small waves further inland to get some cool in-motion shots. It was a bit difficult to keep her balance while at a standstill, but she tried her best not to topple over as she crouched down on her board.

The easiest photo she'd taken was when he'd stopped for a few moments to sit on his board and stare out at the storm. She wasn't exactly sure why he'd done it, but it made for a simple and picturesque shot.

It wasn't an hour before Pope made his way to where the water met the shore. He flailed his arms around to let them know it was definitely time to move back in. Once John B began paddling his way toward them, Josie started her own journey back in.

"Get anything good?" Pope, who newly sported a hoodie and no board, yelled as Josie jogged her way to him.

She shrugged in response as he took the board from her arms and glanced back down at the camera that hung from her neck. The rain slammed down harder than when they'd first arrived, and she had to squint just to see the friend right in front of her.

Considering the strain it took her to figure out what he was saying, she figured it was probably the best time to head home. Her mother was probably having a freakout at Josie's delayed arrival.

"Guess we'll see, right? There's gotta be something in there!" Josie's shouts were carried away by the storm, and she could only hope that Pope could comprehend her words. The nod he sent her confirmed that he could.

She felt a passing pat on her shoulder and turned to catch John B motion his head toward the Twinkie as he ran past them. "Let's go, before it gets any worse."

The duo hastily followed and made the short jog through the violent rain. Once they approached the van, Josie immediately pulled open the sliding door and climbed in. Desperation to shield herself from any more wet torment outweighed any desire to help the boys.

John B and Pope strapped the boards to the roof, and Josie could make out their petty arguing as they tried to secure them. She had to squint through the bellowing storm as she slightly leaned out the open door.

Once they pulled the last safety strap, Josie hastily shut the door to rush around the back and look for her clothes. She retrieved them from the seat she'd stuffed them in and packed away her camera away. As she pulled her clothes back on over her suit, the boys piled into the car and slammed their doors shut.

Josie scurried toward the front as she buttoned her shorts. Her pleading gaze shot to John B. "I know this is probably the last question you wanna hear, but is it too much to ask that you drop me off at home?"

Josie grimaced as John B's eyes widened and looked back out into the rain. Guilt clenched in her stomach, and she knew it was a lot to ask him to go out of the way. Pope's house was on the way back to The Cut, whereas he'd have to go all the way across Figure Eight to get Josie home.

Still, Josie was nothing if not persistent. She pouted out her bottom lip and folded her hands together in front of her. Once she added a bat of her eyelashes, John B groaned in acquiescence. "Fine, fine, but only because I don't want your mom to kill me. Or sue me for kidnapping."

Josie pursed her lips in agreement and nodded, before she slid back to sit behind him.

John B's claim was anything but irrational. It was very possible that her mother had already called the National Guard because she hadn't arrived home. The fact that her phone had died during her shift didn't help her situation either.

Luckily, with John B's anxious driving, the ride to Josie's house was cut into a short six minutes.

Josie instructed him to pull to the front curb rather than into the driveway, both for the sake of her mother and her friends. She could see the debate in his eyes, torn between being gentlemanly or doing what his best friend asked of him. Ultimately, he complied with Josie's request.

She smiled and leaned in to give them both half-hugs, one at a time. "Love you guys! Be careful and text me when you get home, or if anything happens, okay?"

Both boys responded with their own acknowledgements and "love yous."

She moved back to place her bag over her shoulders, before she hurriedly opened the door. After taking a second to hype herself up, she climbed out and yelled a quick "bye," slamming the door closed behind her.

Without sparing another glance at the van, she raced to unlock the front gate. The water and wind falling down caused her hands to slip from the latch a few times, but she was eventually able to get through and relock the gate behind her. She didn't even second-check the latch before she desperately raced across the rounded driveway and up the front steps, repetitively chanting go as she went.

She audibly pleaded for the door to be unlocked, and she let out an elated thanks when she turned the knob and was able to push it open. The warmth of the home swarmed her as she rushed in.

The harsh slam of the front door caused her to wince; the sound echoed through the foyer. She was immediately greeted with a surprised shout of her name, and she knew her original plan of sneaking up the stairs was a bust.

Through the doorway to the left of the foyer, she could see her mother marching toward her from the living room. The harsh rain and wind outside loudly slammed against the house, but it was nothing compared to the thunderous energy that Petunia Shoupe exerted.

Josie cringed, trying to bypass her mother and sprint toward the stairs. To no avail, because her wrist was instantly caught in her mother's grasp. "Josephine Margaret Grey, where have you been?" The emphasis on each of her names caused Josie to sink back and grimace.

"Do you know how many phone calls I've made in the past half hour looking for you? I called Anna and Mike, Max, and even Rose because you didn't answer your phone!"

Petunia's eyes scanned Josies to finally take in her drenched state, along with the rash guard under her shirt that she'd stupidly forgotten to take off. "Josephine, you did not go surfing." The older woman's jaw set in undeniable anger as her eyes closed. "Do not tell me you are that stupid."

Josie kept silent, fiddling with her fingers, as she listened to her mother's angered breathing. There was no hiding where she'd been; she was quite literally wearing surfing gear. And she couldn't exactly tell her mother she wasn't that stupid because, technically, she was.

She mentally cursed herself for being naïve enough to assume that she'd be able to sneak up the stairs before her mother caught her. A mistake on her part.

She should've climbed through her bedroom window.

Her mother's face reddened with rage as she scoffed at Josie's silence. She yanked the bag from her daughter's shoulders, and Josie helplessly watched as she unzipped the bag. It wasn't difficult for her to find the camera that Josie had left in its protective case.

Petunia slowly pulled the camera out of the bag, before she tossed the bag on the floor in anger. She pointedly glared at Josie, who actively avoided her mother's enraged gaze.

"Did you really go out, in a hurricane, to take photos?"

The way she spat out the words with so much venom made Josie flinch away from her mother. The teen wanted nothing more in that moment than to shrink to the size of a mouse and scurry away to the safety of her bedroom. She wouldn't even be mad if Sparrow, their cat, ended up eating her.

At least she wouldn't have to deal with this interrogation.

"Who was it?" Her mother questioned.

Petunia grew even more irate as Josie continued to evade her eyes. Huffing, she slammed the camera down on the entryway table. "Josephine Grey, you answer me this instant! Was it those-" Her eyes shut firmly once again. The amount of anger radiating off of the woman was terrifying. "If you were with that Maybank boy, so help me God, you will never see the light of day-"

"I wasn't with him," Josie quickly butted in as she vigorously shook her head, finally meeting her mother's gaze. It wasn't technically a lie; she hadn't seen JJ all day.

Her mother stood unimpressed, hands on her hips, with an expression that commanded Josie to continue.

"I went by myself. I borrowed a board from Kie and thought it would be cool to get pictures of the storm on the water. You're right, it was stupid; I'm sorry."

Her mother huffed in incredulity, looking around as if to check that someone else was there to witness Josie's words. "I cannot believe this. I did not raise you to be this disrespectful and reckless."

Josie stayed silent as her mother scoffed. "I mean, do you realize what would've happened if you'd died and no one knew where you were? So many people would have to take time out of their days to look for you because you were being stupid."

Josie nodded, and she watched as Petunia pulled out the fake waterworks card. As the tears slid down her mother's cheeks, she had to refrain from reciprocating the tears. Because, despite knowing they weren't real, they still felt real.

But Josie had to stand firm and stick to her story. If her mother found out that she'd been with the boys, the woman wouldn't stop until she figured out how to ruin their lives for enabling her daughter.

The tears were an act—something used to victimize herself in this situation. It was something that Petunia Shoupe was particularly good at.

"I'm sorry, mom, okay? I knew it was stupid and reckless, but I did it anyway. It was entirely my fault. And I'm sorry I didn't text you; my phone died at work." Josie carefully moved to pick up her backpack from the ground. She gently placed her camera back into the bag and slung it over her shoulder.

Petunia wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks and immediately straightened. It was like a switch had flipped in her brain; her emotions changed as her jaw tightened. "No, you know what? I refuse to believe any of this. Who were you with?"

Since the tears failed to work, it was back to the interrogation. "I dropped you off at work today, so someone must have driven you to the beach and back home."

Josie's eyes widened as her mother smirked, seemingly successful in backing the teen into a corner of her lies.

Josie had completely forgotten about the fact that she had no alibi for getting home. She hadn't been given any time to grab her Jeep after her OBGYN appointment on the mainland. Her mother had driven her straight to work and dropped her off, expectant of Kie to drive her home.

Max had also been at the club all day, so there was no way she could claim it was him. That, and the fact that her mother had already said she'd called him to inquire where Josie was.

But, like an angel whispering in her ear, the answer was clear.

"Okay, okay." Josie sighed like she'd been caught in a lie. "It was Kie. I didn't want to say anything because I don't want her to get in trouble with her parents. I convinced her to take a break when I got off work, and she drove me to the beach. When I realized things were getting bad, I called her. She'd been leaving work when she stopped by to pick me up."

Petunia shook her head disappointedly, and Josie had to hold in her sigh of relief. Crisis averted.

"Please don't tell her parents, Mom. She was just being a good friend; it was me who made her skip work."

In all fairness, she wasn't entirely lying; Josie really didn't want her mom to call the Carreras. Because if she did, Petunia would be made aware that Kiara had, in fact, been with her parents all day.

"Okay, okay, I won't tell her parents, just this once." Once Petunia looked away, Josie sighed from relief. "But you will call Kiara and apologize as soon as you get up to your room. Do you understand me?"

Josie nodded and went to push past her mother and race up the stairs. But once again, her wrist was caught before she could get far.

"And I promise you, Josephine. If you ever do something like that again, you will not see the outside of this house until you graduate." Her mother's glare was austere as her words spilled out of clenched teeth. "I will not let you make me look like an unfit mother who doesn't have a handle on her children just because you're going through a phase. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Josie mumbled.

Petunia harshly removed her grasp to rub at the bridge of her nose, before she quickly stopped to smooth out the same spot. She waved her hand to send her daughter away and turned to head back toward the kitchen.

Without waiting, Josie sprinted up the stairs and out of her mother's presence. She was so focused on getting up the steps that when she made it to the landing, her form slammed into someone at full speed. She stumbled back on the step from the force, steadying herself before she tumbled backward.

"Woah, dumbass, watch where you're going." Naomi irritably backed away and expectantly stared at her older sister, waiting for the redhead to move.

Narrowing her eyes down at her sister, Josie crossed her arms and leaned against the railing. "Wow, okay, grumpy pants. Someone's in a mood." Josie chuckled, but it faded when her sister glared up at her. "Oh great. Why are you mad at me?"

Naomi faked in-thought, sarcastically placing a hand to her chin. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because you had Mom flipping out today." She blankly stared at Josie as if she'd asked what color the sky was—like it was a nuisance to answer her.

It stung a little.

"I get that you want to hang out with your stupid friends in peace, or whatever, but do it in a way that doesn't affect both of us. Because if you make her mad, I'm the one who has to hear about it."

Josie sighed and nodded, sympathetic to her sister's wishes. She knew all too well what it was like to be the younger sister, taking the brute of a mother's anger toward the older sibling. She grew up with not one, but two older sisters who tested their mother's patience every day.

"You're right; I'm sorry." Josie's gaze was apologetic as she uncrossed her arms. "I'd never want to make you feel the same way the twins made me feel, ever."

"I know," Naomi huffed as she followed, uncrossing her arms.

They stared at each other, sharing a mutual understanding of the reality hidden behind their words. It was no secret that Lily and Daisy were the family jewels, starting from childhood. Having fraternal twins had been a dream for their mother—a blessing in an otherwise terrible experience.

Lily was Petunia's princess, and because of her hearing disability, they'd spent so much time together growing up. To appease their mother, she'd ended up going to med-school at UPenn, no surprise.

Daisy, on the other hand, had always been Peter's favorite. Because while Lily looked similar to him, Daisy looked like a carbon copy of him. Everywhere they went, people always mentioned how much Daisy looked like their father, and he ate it up every time.

It was no surprise, then, that Josie, a carbon copy of Petunia, was her father's least favorite.

As she'd gotten older, Josie realized that the distance between them had always stemmed from the resentment he possessed toward her mother. He'd always claimed that Petunia had baby-trapped him and kept him away from his true calling in life. And because holding it against her wasn't enough, he held it against Josie too.

Sure, he'd tried to be there for her and be her father growing up—key word tried. They'd had their moments, and there were times when Josie thought that maybe their dynamic had changed. But that was all wiped away when her parents divorced, and he disappeared.

Because of everything, it was well known that Josie heavily resented her older siblings for their childhood. Josie was glad that it seemed like Naomi understood that she'd never want to enable that cycle to continue. They might not have been super close, but they both could recognize the fucked-up family dynamic they were born into.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go shower." Josie pointed toward her bedroom door and moved aside for her sister to walk down the stairs.

Naomi nodded and offered a blunt, "don't get struck by lightning."

"Will do." Josie fake saluted, before she made her way down the hall and through her door.

The door was shut behind her as soon as she entered, and an immediate sense of comfort enveloped her. The roaring sound of the wind slapping tree limbs and rain against her window continued, but she paid no mind to it. If anything, it added ambiance to her place of solitude.

That solace was shattered with a hammer as soon as her gaze drifted across the room.

She was greeted with the form of someone's back. Standing at her desk to the left of her room was Cory, her mother's aggravating boyfriend. He shifted through a stack of papers on the wood, and he paid no mind to being caught in the action.

Glaring at his form, Josie sat her backpack down beside the door. "Do you mind? Or are you just gonna continue invading my privacy?"

Cory wasn't fazed by Josie's hostility, turning to face her with a raised brow. He leaned against her desk and raised a sheet of paper toward her, as if she knew what it was from the other side of the room. "This is my house; I can go through whatever I want."

Josie rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms and made her way across the room. "Please, this is the house my mother pays for. You just mooch off her, sleep in her bed, and use her name to filter through jobs." She snatched the paper from his hand and didn't bother to look at it, placing it at the bottom of the stack.

She swiftly glared back up at him. "Speaking of, how's the academy going? Heard from a little birdie that Peterkin made you cry doing push-ups the other day."

She couldn't help the smirk that grew on her face as he clenched his jaw. She found small pleasures in his obvious distaste for her. She hoped that she'd made him mad enough to disengage from further conversation.

Her little birdie had been Naomi, who'd overheard him fussing about his mishap with the sheriff to their mother and uncle. He had apparently wanted Petunia to sue Peterkin. They both had to inform him that, legally, there was nothing Petunia could do because it was what he'd signed up for.

According to Naomi, he'd bawled at their refusal.

"You little fucking brat," Cory hissed as he stood to his full height. He sought to intimate Josie by towering over her, but it failed to work. Josie had seen him blubber when his father told him they couldn't rent a yacht on vacation, so the intimidation act had already lost its effect after she'd turned fifteen.

She stared up at him, unimpressed, as her arms returned to their crossed position over her torso.

"You know, as soon as I put a ring on your mother's finger, you're out. Permanently." Cory's obnoxious audacity caused Josie to scoff and roll her eyes.

Her overbearing mother would never even consider letting Josie out of her grasp without a fight. Not that Josie wasn't already planning to move out the moment she turned eighteen.

Still, she entertained his tactics. "Watch it, Cory. You'd have to actually make money to put a ring on her finger."

The rouge color of his face was enough to satisfy Josie, and she backed away from him triumphantly. His nostrils flared as he huffed down at her, but she smiled unbothered. "Now, please leave my room."

Josie grew a bit surprised, and a little impressed, with herself as she watched Cory stomp out of the room and slam the door behind him. There weren't a lot of people Josie felt like she could stand up to, much less be objectively mean to.

The list was small and few, and while Cory wasn't at the top, he was definitely on the list.

Once he was out of sight and out of mind, Josie made herself busy by grabbing a set of pajamas and heading into the Jack and Jill bathroom. She made sure her sister's door was locked, before jumping into the shower.

She let the warm water wash away both the salt and the tension from her entire day.

❁

mandatory pogue meeting. attend not optional. b on the dock and ready by 9 :)

Josie smiled down at the text from JJ, squinting and covering her eyes from the blistering sun overhead as she stared at her phone. She'd been pulled from a hectic morning of hurricane cleanup when she received the text, and she was more than happy to leave the suffocating nature of her house.

She couldn't think of any better way to spend a post-storm day than with her favorite people.

Her backpack weighed heavy on her shoulders, filled to the brim with snacks and her Polaroid camera. She could already tell that the day was going to be a hot one too, so she prayed that Kie brought good drinks. The last she'd heard from the brunette was the confirmation that she'd pack Josie's favorite, so the redhead was hopeful.

She continuously peeked over her shoulder as she waited on the dock, praying that her mother wouldn't peer outside and catch her. Agatha had hit the island hard, and Josie hoped the bustle of the post-storm cleanup crew would distract her mother long enough for her to hop on the boat. It'd been Petunia's only focus all morning.

Josie's attention was ripped from her phone once she heard the approaching sounds of whistles and whoops. All three pogue boys smiled and waved as they neared the Shoupe dock.

She grinned and repeatedly motioned her hand downward, instructing them to duck down out of her mother's potential view. They all complied, but John B struggled to steer the boat and hide at the same time. She snickered at the sight, rolling her eyes at the sound of his voice.

"Good morning, princess!"

"Mornin' fair lady, care for a boat ride today?" JJ's put on the most dramatized accent in his repertoire, greeting his best friend with a smile so wide that it met the creases by his eyes. Josie had to hold herself from cackling at his attempt at an accent.

"Only if your gorgeous face is there." She snorted at the redness she could just make out creeping up JJ's neck, and she refrained from teasing him about it.

The weight that had been on her shoulders all day began to slowly slip away. The mere presence of her friends provided more security than any house or bedroom ever could.

"My mom's gonna kill me if she finds out what I'm doing." Josie chuckled, shielding her eyes from the sun, as she walked alongside the boat at the end of the dock. As soon as John B pulled close enough without stopping, JJ stuck his hand out to help guide Josie onto the boat.

With ease, thanks to the golden-haired boy's assistance, she was able to step onto the boat without a problem.

"Well, let's keep her from finding out then." JJ's brow lifted in query, and she nodded her head in agreement.

For a few moments, they both stood in their spots, smiling at each other. JJ sported that goofy grin of his, blue eyes swimming with mischief as they always did. Josie giggled as she habitually reached out and playfully pinched his stomach, overwhelmed by her admiration for her friend.

Scoffing good-naturedly, he reached forward to pinch both sides of her waist. It wasn't uncommon for the duo to start playfully fighting one another. The wars ranged from many things: biting, pinching, slapping, wrestling, or tickling. JJ and Josie were both physically inclined beings, and therefore, any playful messing around with each other usually had something to do with touch.

Josie swatted at his hands, glaring at him playfully, as she squirmed away from his wandering fingers. "Truce, please." She raised her hands as if to surrender, and he narrowed his eyes at her—not one to back down so easily. She groaned, looking up at him through her lashes. "Please, Jay. Pope is over there burning holes in my face because I haven't said one word to him."

She looked past JJ to wink at Pope, who, sure enough, was playfully glaring at the interaction between the two. It was no secret that JJ was her favorite, but she still owed the others their greetings.

If JJ had anything to say about it at all, neither of them would ever speak to anyone else.

He turned to look behind him and smirked back at Pope, who rolled his eyes at the blond. The boy then turned back to Josie, tapping a finger on his chin in fake thought. "M'kay, I'll call truce. But you have to give me a back massage the next time we share the hammock."

Josie narrowed her eyes and scrunched her face up at him. Typical JJ.

He stared down at her, a perfect grin ever-present among his sculpted face. The smugness of his stare clearly showed that he knew he'd already won, but of course he wanted to hear her say it.

And as much as a part of her wanted to wipe the confident look off his face, she concurred. "Okay, okay. I'll give you a back massage, you freak."

He accepted the withdrawal and, without further teasing, grabbed an old fishing hat from atop his backpack on the floor. He placed it on her head and winked down at her, pulling a few strands of air out from under the hat to fall around her face.

Josie chuckled and nudged his stomach lightly with her elbow. She was relieved that one of them remembered her tendency to easily burn in the sun, because she never did. But she had Kiara and JJ, who would never let her go anywhere with sunscreen and a hat.

She fleetingly sent him a grateful smile, before she made her way over to Pope and dramatically embraced him. She rocked him back and forth, laughing, until he shoved her off of him. She greeted John B with a hug as well, which he returned with only one arm in favor of steering the boat.

"Nice to see ya!" Josie drawled in a Midwestern accent as she patted John B's check.

"Wow..." JJ whistled, crossing his arms and pretending to huff.

His brows raised over his wide eyes as he watched his best friends' interactions with each other. Josie inwardly cooed at the pout on his face. JJ playfully glared at her. "These two idiots get a hug, and all I get is assaulted? What kinda crap is that?"

Shrugging, Josie rolled her eyes and placed her backpack on the floor of the boat. She stood up and stretched her arms out, letting out a groan of pleasure as her joints clicked.

She was incredibly unaware of the heart eyes cast in her direction as her shirt lifted slightly above her belly button.

"These two idiots didn't get the cops called on me the other night; now did they?" Josie shot him a smirk, and the younger boy playfully winced. He nodded his head and raised both hands in surrender, as the aforementioned boys oohed and jokingly grimaced.

"Yeah, fine. I deserved that."

Josie hummed in agreement and bent down to dig through her bag. Once she found what she was looking for, she pulled out the Polaroid camera and placed the strap around her neck.

"By the way-" She looked up toward JJ, the corner of her mouth quirking once she realized he'd already been staring down at her. She stood to her full height and chuckled at the curious expression on his face. "You know that mandatory and attendance not optional mean the same thing, right?"

She snorted through a giggle as he rolled his eyes, pshing at her as he sat down. He raised his hand to help her down, and once she was settled to his left, he responded. "'Course I do, was just seein' if you'd notice."

Josie was not at all convinced, but she let him nudge her shoulder with his and flash his gentle smile at her. She skeptically hummed and nodded as she looked out past the front of the boat. They slowly made their way up the coastline, and not much further was the Carrera house.

"So, how's your mornin' post-Aggie been?" JJ asked, motioning his head back toward the house they'd left behind. Josie groaned in response, throwing her head back as she leaned back, palms flat on the boat.

JJ chuckled and leaned into her, allowing their shoulders to brush as they spoke. "Parents laying down the law?"

"My mother went into momzilla mode at five a.m. this morning. She came into my room shouting about a tree outside that was blown over, followed by a meltdown because a branch landed on her car." Jose rose off her hands to slap them against her cheeks, and she softly mimicked her mother's pitched scream.

"She and Cory have been arguing all morning about paying the cleanup crew and what they were gonna do about stuff around the house. So, I told her I was going to Kie's to help and booked it out back."

Pope snorted as he shook his head in disbelief. "Can't believe your mom hasn't dumped him yet."

The many awful qualities of her mother's boyfriend were well known amongst the group of friends. Josie had complained many times about the man living in her house, and she had no shortage of choice words when doing so. "Yeah, well, guess that's her type. Deadbeat, who can't keep a job and has no redeeming qualities."

Josie took no notice of how her blond friend's shoulders tensed after she spoke. Nor did she see the pitiful look John B sent JJ as she lifted from her spot upon seeing Kiara down the way.

She sent her female friend an enthusiastic wave before looking back at a preoccupied JJ, who was too lost in his own head. "Just look at my dad."

"Think she'd go for me then?" John B joked, doing his best to divert attention away from the ever-growing tension radiating from their other friend.

Josie scoffed in disgust and picked up a stray can to hurl at his head. The brunette tried his best to duck away from the attack, but it hit him square in the chest and fell flat at his feet. Josie flipped him off and ignored the grin he sent her, instead turning to face the friend they approached.

"Oh, top o' the mornin' to ya," John B greeted Kie as she stood at the dock with a cooler and her backpack.

Josie beamed at her, wiggling her fingers in a teasing wave as they got close. "Hiya, beautiful."

"Good morning, boys and lovely lady."

Despite having FaceTimed her only hours prior, Josie was incredibly happy to have the group completed. She was also very grateful for the opportunity to leave the conversation of her parents behind her.

Pope and JJ greeted Kie as they passed, and John B chuckled as he steered the boat as close as possible to her dock. "What'cha got? You got some juice boxes?"

"You know, just some yogurt, some carrot sticks."

Josie reached out her hand toward Kie, who smiled gratefully as she grabbed it. As they did so, JJ spoke from below Josie. "How 'bout my kind of juice boxes?"

The green-eyed girl's nose crinkled in humor as she glanced back down at him. As she did so, the corner of his mouth lifted.

"Brace for impact," John B once again cracked as Kie climbed aboard the boat. Once she was fully on, she placed the cooler down on the floor of the cockpit, and Josie immediately pulled her in for a greeting that was happily accepted.

Once they'd separated, the group situated themselves as Kie passed around drinks. "So, how'd you get away from the Addams family today?" Kiara quipped, handing Josie the pink lemonade Smirnoff that she'd specifically requested.

She coked her head to the side, sending Kiara a look that asked, what do you think? "I'll give you two hints; it starts with Y and rhymes with boo."

"Always the scapegoat," JJ teased humorously as he tilted his unopened beer bottle towards Kie.

Josie scoffed and reached over to hit him in the stomach. Startled, JJ let out a choked laugh through his gasp for air as she did so. He bent over and dramatically held a hand to his stomach.

"I can't exactly use the rest of you, can I?" Josie sarcastically asked, watching as JJ rubbed his stomach. She turned to look at Pope, who nodded in agreement.

Realistically, she could probably get away with using Pope if she played her cards right, or John B under extenuating circumstances. But if Josie ever were to even utter JJ's name, her mother would put both of their heads on pikes.

"You know I don't mind. If it means having you here, it's worth a little white lie to your mom." Josie jutted out her bottom lip appreciatively and clinked her bottle with Kiara's.

JJ's mouth curved into a smile, and he lifted his bottle towards them in cheers. "I'll drink to that."

"Salud." "Sante." "Skoal."

Once the boat diverted from the landline, John B was able to pick up speed and steer them up and through the marsh. But despite the ease of navigation, the pogues were still slow to move through the marsh.

They all laughed and drank as they spent the morning together without a care in the world. The boys alternated driving through the water, while Kie and Josie laughed at whatever stupid idea they could concoct. And when JJ excitably pulled two joints from his backpack, the day got even more enjoyable.

It was everything that made sneaking around her mother worth it. The absolute freedom that Josie always felt when she was surrounded by the people she loved most in the world.

They didn't care about how she dressed or if she stuttered when she spoke. They didn't scold her when she nervously fiddled with her fingers or chewed on her nails. None of them had any problems dealing with her anxieties and pushing her to do the things she'd otherwise be too sheltered to even think about.

They'd been her best friends for what felt like her entire life, witnessing and comforting her at the highest and lowest points of her life. And mornings just like that one further proved that Josie's life was best when she was with those people.

Her people.

"Let me show you a party trick," JJ declared as he moved to stand up at the front of the boat.

Josie leaned back and groaned as Kie teased him. "Terrifying."

"Hey Pope. Can you go a little faster, please?"

Josie watched her best friend find his balance at the bow, and she giggled from her spot next to Kiara. "JJ, please not again."

She looked to Pope for some sort of refusal of the blond's request, but he shrugged and looked up at their friend in dubiety. John B declared his spot away from the action, and Josie helplessly watched as Pope concurred.

They began to pick up speed, and Josie inquisitively smirked up at the boy. John B's complaints sounded from behind Pope. "Doesn't work; we've tried this like six thousand times." Nevertheless, he watched their friend with mild amusement.

Josie knew how the situation would end, and she couldn't deny the bit of anxiety that grew in her belly. Regardless of knowing that it would be funny when they looked back, she really didn't feel like calling a water ambulance out into the marsh again.

But JJ would do what JJ wanted.

"It got this. It's gonna work!" JJ placed his foot on the edge of the boat, and Josie immediately grabbed at his other ankle to keep him steady. She peered back at Kiara, exasperation clear on the redhead's face.

The younger girl only smirked in response, and she tilted her bottle up at JJ as if to say, your circus, not mine.

"Sunny, this isn't gonna go any differently than the thousands of times you've already tried!" Josie's pleas were of no use, and she watched as he grinned down at her over his shoulder.

A small part of her wanted him to do it. Either way, something interesting was bound to happen.

He raised his bottle in her direction and winked. "You just gotta believe, baby!" He adjusted his stance on the front of the boat, wind blowing his hair back, as he tilted his head back slightly and held the bottle in front of his mouth.

Josie plainly resided in the splash zone, but she opted to keep her left hand's grip firm on his calf to keep him from face-planting on the water. In her right hand, she gripped her drink, which she anxiously sipped from as she stared up at the ridiculous boy.

She watched as he attempted to have the wind blow the drink into his mouth, and she groaned when sixty percent of the beer missed his mouth and splashed out behind him. "JJ!"

"Oh my god, you're getting beer in my hair!" Kie complained and tried to duck away from the liquid. Josie folded into herself to try and keep the beer out of her eyes, laughing when John B and Pope also got splashed.

"Alright. Alright! You're done-stop!" Pope admonished, and the boys continued to do their best to talk JJ down from his position at the front of the boat.

They both continued to yell out sternly, but the blue-eyed boy completely ignored them. Josie giggled as she looked up toward the side of his face, his blissful and focused expression contrasting the reprimands behind him.

It was only a moment later that the boat veered into a sharp jolt to the right, and the whole group flung across different ends of the vessel. The girls squealed as they crashed into each other, foreheads colliding while their sides rammed into the top of their seats. They immediately grabbed at each other to steady one another.

Kie was the first one of them to speak. "Jesus, Pope!"

As John B groaned out, Josie quickly realized that there was one person missing from the batch of groans. She no longer held a grip on JJ's leg, and he was absent from his previous post.

Without a moment's hesitation, she scrambled to lean over the side of the boat and look out into the marsh for her boy. "JJ?"

He was quick to pop up from the murky water, and Josie sighed out in relief. She leaned her forehead down against the edge of the boat, hoping that the cool metal would ease the burning headache from colliding with Kiara and worrying about JJ. Her best friend was an idiot—so, so stupid. But if something had actually happened to him, Josie couldn't even begin to think of what she'd do.

But he was fine.

Still an asshole, but fine.

"You okay, JJ?" Pope called out to where their friend was groaning in pain.

Josie rubbed her stinging side and huffed at JJ's idiocy, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him. She repeatedly reminded herself that he hadn't maimed himself flying off of the boat.

"I think my heels touched the back of my head," JJ coughed out.

With the confirmation that JJ still had enough of his brain to make stupid commentary, Josie's head fell back in relief. Feeling confident that he was fine, she lifted her camera to capture the boy in the water and only provided a short "told you not to" as an explanation.

With the flash and the sound of a camera, a chorus of pained chuckles followed. Josie turned away to sit with her back against the boat and finally took a moment to catch her breath, shaking the photo around to develop. Once she was satisfied, she placed it on the seat beside her.

"Kie, you okay?" John B groaned from where he'd been flung, not having yet moved.

"I'm alright," she responded.

Josie slightly moved over to grab Kiara's hand and help her situate herself. Josie scanned her for any scrapes or bruising, and they shared a breath of laughter when Kie subconsciously did the same.

The moans of pain around them grew apparent, as the adrenaline of being thrown around wore off and the sting of the jolt settled in. Josie leaned back to rest her head against the boat, and she rubbed at the spot on her ribs where she could feel a bruise already forming.

How she was going to explain that to her mother, she had no idea.

"Pope, what did you do?" JJ asked from the water as he made his way back toward the boat. Josie watched him swim to the front end, and she lazily made her way up the bow to meet him.

"Sandbar. The channel changed," Pope answered through his strained voice.

"No shit," JJ chastised.

Josie rose to her knees on the front of the boat, lifting her arms above her head as she tried to stretch out the kinks in her body. She shared a pained look with JJ as his eyes scanned her for injuries.

"Ugh, this is probably gonna mess this whole place up." John B groaned as he looked around the marsh, doubting that he could correctly navigate through it in its current state. So much for fishing today.

"Hey, I saved the beer though," JJ affirmed. He lifted the beer in his hand, thumb pushed into the opening to stop marsh water from entering.

"Congrats, JJ," John B let out in pained sarcasm, and Josie grimaced in disgust.

"Yes, because the beer is worth more than your legs, Jay, of course." Josie extended her arms towards him, rolling her eyes when he handed her the beer first. She placed it down and went to extend her arm again, but Pope reached out to stop her.

She watched him, confused, as he stared down at the water below them. "Guys...I think there's a boat down there."

"Shut up," John B chided. The girls expressed their disbelief as Josie's eyes skimmed the water under JJ for any sigh of what their friend was claiming. She saw nothing.

"No, no, guys. I'm serious. There's like a boat down there, for real."

Pope's insistence made Josie inclined to look again, using his pointer finger to navigate her gaze through the water. It was then that she made out the faint light color contrasting against the dirty water of the marsh. "Holy shit."

"It's a boat!" Pope exclaimed persistently, while the rest of them realized that their friend actually wasn't crazy. At least, not about that. There was, in fact, a sunken boat resting in the water.

Kie immediately turned to change out of her clothes. "Holy shit, he's right. Let's go."

Josie didn't need any more confirmation before she kicked her sandals off and shimmied out of her shorts. She haphazardly threw them behind her, same with her shirt, and returned the grin the boy in the water sent her. She jumped in, followed by John B's dive, and swam towards where they'd seen the boat.

"You think there's a dead body down there?" Pope excitedly asked from where he undressed on the boat, which caused Josie to laugh and simultaneously cringe.

"God, I hope not! I will throw up."

She smiled at JJ, who swam closer to her, as they watched Kiara cheer as she jumped in. A frantic Pope pleaded for them to wait as he threw his hat off. After taking a moment longer, JJ couldn't help but tease him. "Get your ass in here, Pope!"

They all cheered him on as he cannonballed into the water. Once they'd grouped up, they looked around to confirm everyone was on board.

Josie caught JJ's eyes, wildly grinning from the adrenaline newly pumping through her veins that vastly contradicted the anxiety she'd felt only moments prior. She felt like she looked like an insane person, laughing at the possibility of finding a boat wreck. She wondered if she was being dramatic in her excitement.

But JJ simply returned her grin, staring at her as if she held the answers to everything he'd ever felt.

He winked at her, before looking around at everyone else. "Last one down's a smelly kook!" He quickly submerged himself, and the rest of them followed.

They all swam down toward the boat, which stuck out like a sore thumb given their new perspective.

The group moved around the cockpit of the boat to confirm that it was, in fact, a fucking sunken boat. Josie couldn't wrap her head around the fact that they'd actually stumbled upon that. Who knows how long it'd been down there, given how inconspicuous it was. It could've been sitting there for months, only just being found because of the hurricane's channel change.

Josie's stomach sank once she considered the possibility of them actually seeing a dead body. She would throw up.

A tug on her arm caused Josie to turn to JJ as he motioned his head upward. She nodded, and the pair followed the rest of their friends up. Their gasps for air rang out as everyone broke the surface.

"You guys saw that, right?" JJ exclaimed, looking over at Josie in elated bewilderment, before he turned to the rest of them. Affirmations sounded from everyone, incredulity prominent as they took in what they'd just seen.

"What the..." John B was at a loss for words, shock filling his clouded mind.

Josie couldn't help the noises of excitement that fell from her lips at the giddiness she shared with her friends. "Holy shit, was that-"

"A Grady-White?" JJ excitedly finished for her as they swam back to the boat. Josie shook her head in bewilderment as he continued. "A new one of those is like five hundred Gs, easy."

Once they approached the side of the boat, Josie waited for everyone to climb over first so that the boat wouldn't tip over from them clambering on all at the same time. Pulling himself up to stand on the boat, JJ scanned around animatedly and set his eyes on Josie in the water, reaching out to help her up.

"That's a primo rig."

He pulled her up and bent to meet her eyesight as she stood. She chuckled at the look on his face—like he was a kid in a candy store.

Almost no one Josie had ever met knew as much about boats as JJ did, so it was no surprise that an expensive boat would garner that type of thrilling reaction from him. The fierce joy shining behind his bright blue eyes was infectious, and Josie couldn't help but return the emotion as she stared into them.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the boat I saw when we surfed the surge." John B glanced over at Josie, who shook her head in confusion. He hadn't told her about any boat, much less one similar to the one below them. "Maybe it hit the jetty or something."

"You guys surfed the surge?" Kiara questioned, looking between the two guilty parties in disbelief.

Josie avoided the concerned look Kie shot her, feeling even worse knowing she'd used her as an excuse to do it. She was certain that wasn't classified under Kiara's list of things that were okay to use her as an alibi for. John B, however, was happy to confirm their deathly activities from the day prior.

"That's my boy and my girl. Pogue style, guys." JJ praised the both of them, pogue-shaking with John B before wrapping his left arm around Josie's shoulders.

Josie stared at Kie apologetically and tried to ignore the appraisal from the boy beside her, no matter how much she found herself relishing in it. She turned to JJ with a lopsided grin, and he peered down at her with so much pride that she felt like she could combust. The gleam behind his eyes was addicting.

"Got some sick ass shots too." John B smirked at the entwined duo, and Josie shot him a quick glare. She narrowed her eyes at him, confused since he hadn't even seen what the photos looked like.

What was he playing at?

That detail didn't seem to matter to the blond beside her, who squeezed her closer to him. "You're so fucking cool, y'know that? You gotta show me all of 'em later." He placed a fleeting peck to her temple and headed toward the bow.

Heat crept up Josie's neck as he walked away. She wanted to interject that it was his idea. That he probably didn't remember, but he was the one who'd given them the idea to surf the storm. He was the cool one with the tendency to be impetuous.

But the way Kiara glared at her was enough to make Josie abstain from saying anything, and she instead picked at her nails. Kie shot her a look that Josie was quite accustomed to.

We'll talk about this later.

"Wait, wait. Do we know whose boat that is?" Pope questioned, watching as John B bent down to dig the anchor out of storage. JJ crouched down at the bow and observed the boat in the water.

"No, but we're about to find out," John B asserted, and Josie's eyes widened at him. He was in no way qualified to go searching around underwater for that long, and he could only hold his breath without assistance for so long.

In her concern, she failed to notice Kiara gaping at them all as if they were lunatics.

"Dude, it's too deep," JJ admonished as he stared down into the depths of the water. If JJ was saying something was a bad idea, Josie had no idea why anyone would want to follow through.

John B rebutted through a groan as he lifted the anchor, the smile ever prominent on his face. "Oh, for the weak and feeble, JJ."

"Alright, well, I'm not resuscitating you. I'm just making that clear upfront," JJ warned.

Josie rolled her eyes and patted John B's back reassuringly. "Don't worry. If it comes down to it, I'll resuscitate you."

John B smirked over his shoulder as he climbed up onto the front of the boat. "Is that just because you wanna kiss me?"

Josie scoffed and lightly shoved him forward, recalling anything she said about helping him. "I'm spoken for, buddy-boy. I think it's you who wants to kiss me." Josie held up her wrist to show off the golden bracelet Max had given her.

John B satirically nodded, pulling a face to look like he'd been caught in a lie. "Every night in my dreams." He concededly shrugged, and Josie chuckled at his stupidity. She flipped him off, earning a loud laugh from the boy.

Her smile was bright as she looked over at JJ, but it quickly fell when she saw the unimpressed look he gave the both of them. She shrugged and watched as he bitterly rolled his eyes.

"John B," Kie warned, voice soft as she gazed at him concerned.

"What?"

Josie acknowledged that Kie had a point to be concerned. John B really planned to swim all the way down and search the boat with no diving gear in sight. Not to mention that he was the exact person who was the most prone to life-threatening situations out of all of them.

"Diver down, fool." Pope saluted up at John B, who sighed and returned the gesture back at them.

"Diver down."

"Yeah, he is," JJ playfully declared, shoving the brunette off the bow.

Josie's fingernails flew to her mouth as soon as he hit the water, undeterred by the fact that they'd just been in the marsh. She was much more focused on the status of John B's safety than her dirty fingers.

The four of them gathered at the side of the boat, keeping an eye out for any bubbles or signs of a struggle under the water. The air was tense as Josie tried to concentrate on watching the movement of John B's faint form swimming around.

Somewhere in her brain, Josie implored that she probably should've been the one to go down, had she been given the option. John B probably wouldn't have let her, but it still seemed like the more logical choice. They'd done a plethora of playful challenges that proved she could hold her breath for a considerably longer time than the rest of them.

She couldn't help but consider the worst as she stared down at the water. It was unnerving to think about John B struggling to keep his mouth shut. His body would eventually take that last involuntary gasp for air, letting the water sink down into his lungs.

The boy beside her must've noticed her extreme concern, because she felt JJ remove her hand from her mouth and wrap his hand around it. "Stop stressin'. He's gonna be fine."

Looking over to him, she accepted his nod of reassurance and the squeeze of her hand. She returned the action and turned back to the water, but she withheld from releasing his hand.

"Should we go get him?" Pope asked.

Josie was fully prepared to jump in, when the boy resurfaced with a cough. She let out a long sigh of relief and released JJ's hand, smiling as John B shook the hair from his eyes. From beside her, JJ let out an "ah, geez."

"Oh, my god. That took forever." The worry was clear in Kiara's voice, a sentiment shared by both the girls.

Pope, however, had more concerning matters to press. "Any dead bodies?"

"Looting potential?" JJ added, and Josie slapped his shoulder.

John B denied their questions but lifted up his hand to show what he'd found in the boat. "I found this motel key." The keychain he held up was long and yellow, and Josie figured it wasn't rusty enough to have been down there for too long. Which negated her previous assumption about the boat being down there for a while.

JJ pulled up the anchor as Josie backed away from the side. She couldn't believe that all he'd found down there was a key. After all of that excitement.

Obviously, Pope felt the same way. "A key?"

"Yes, a key, Pope," John B stated matter-of-factly, climbing his way up the side of the boat.

"Great! We salvaged a motel key." JJ leaned over the side to look down at the Grady-White once again, as if wads of cash were going to float up from it. A boy could dream.

"Guys, we should report the wreck to the coast guard," Kie spoke up, as Josie plopped herself down on one of the seats, hands pressed to her heart to calm the racing pulse in her chest. After Kie checked that John B was secure in the boat, she moved to sit closely beside her friend.

"I second that. There's a huge possibility that whoever was in that boat is still out there," Josie concurred.

"Alright, we'll go report the wreck; see if anyone's out lookin' for a sunken boat," John B agreed, nodding at Pope to start the boat back up. Pope made his way toward the wheel and cranked the boat, before he lurched them to head off around the island.

Josie twisted in her seat to look around for something in particular, and she grinned as she picked up the Polaroid that had fallen to the floor. She turned to smirk at JJ and mischievously waved the small picture around. He approached her with a raised brow and a playful glare as she cheekily spoke. "I was thinking this would be a perfect replacement for the wallet photo."

JJ snatched the Polaroid from her hand and couldn't help the chuckle that fell from his lips as he looked at it. The pain from bending like a pretzel was evident from his expression in the photo. She immediately knew that the photo was going on her wall, despite the joke about his wallet.

"Yeah, right. Why would I carry this thing around when there's a perfectly good photo of you instead?" He reached down to dig into his own bag, but Josie instantly slapped his hand away to stop him from pulling out the leather item.

She dared not to think about the hideous photo of her stuffed into a pocket of JJ's wallet.

It'd been taken on a random night when they were all hanging out together. Her camera had been passed back and forth between the friends as they all wasted the film on anything they wanted to remember. Josie had been mid belly laugh when JJ took the picture of her, red faced and her hair a mess as she looked like a madman.

She'd immediately demanded that he burn it, but he'd adamantly refused on the grounds that it was his picture, and he decided what to do with it.

For almost two years, JJ had been carrying around that same stupid Polaroid of Josie in his wallet. It was arguably the most embarrassing photo of herself that Josie had ever seen, and she felt the candid did her no justice whatsoever.

And because of such, JJ, of course, declared it his favorite. He'd been adamant about keeping it on him at all times, because he couldn't dare risk it falling into the wrong hands or, God forbid, being ruined by Josie herself.

She rolled her eyes and snatched the photo back from his hand, smiling down at it. It was a funny thing to look back on, even if it had been the root of her consuming anxiety in the moment. Her heart filled with admiration at the sheer adrenaline-fueled pain tolerance of her friend.

"I'm keeping this forever and ever," Josie teased as she looked up at him with a goofy grin. He rolled his eyes, but Josie could see the corners of his mouth tilting upward.

"Good, 'cause I still look hot as fuck."

Josie gently elbowed him in the stomach, but let the conversation fall as they made their way over the water. She bent back down toward her bag, fishing out her journal and pen in an effort to pass time. As they made their way toward the channel, Josie had a sudden thought pop into her head.

The previous summer, a tourist named Clyde Hayes had found the local fruit vendor, Leroy Scott's, boat off the coast of Figure Eight. He'd gotten something like a three-thousand-dollar reward for finding it. "Y'know what, guys? Maybe we'll get a finder's fee!"

"Yeah, and not work all summer," JJ pointed out. It was a blunt reminder that they were going to spend all summer cleaning up the mess made in one night.

"Thanks, Agatha, ya batch."

⋄ ⋟⋆ june 18, 2020

as I sit on a boat caressing the waters of the atlantic ocean, I cannot help but stop to think about tim kreider's quote about the mortifying ordeal of being known. and whilst I agree with the notion of it being terrifying for others to know you; I cannot help but simply disagree as I look around to the people surrounding me. nuture is siting to my right, brushing her curls into a make-shift ponytail as her hair blows in the wind. responsibility, benevolence, and loyalty smile as their laughter rings out among the water. and I can't help but think that being known is terrifying only in the best ways. because sometimes a loved one mentions something you never considered about yourself, or looks to you when they tell a joke to make sure you're smiling along. you can't help but feel like your heart is cradled in their hands, but it's held with such care. it makes life so beautiful; the idea that people could be so delicate.

- josephine grey ⋄ ⋟⋆

[ourceliumnetwork]

There are some things I don't think I will ever be able to forgive my parents for.

The internal voice in my head that blames my pain on what i did or didn't do - mainly didn't do, because of course if i moved around more i wouldn't be injured (let's just conveniently ignore/forget most of my injuries happened while at my most active). And obviously i don't move around enough because 1) they didn't see it and 2) i'm fat (derogatory).

This is, of course patently incorrect. first of all i am shaped like a gravitationally-powered time piece and have been since i was young. But apparently that is enough to be deemed "fat" by my family since i grew tits at age 9-10. Like and fat isn't a bad thing?? and you can be healthy and active while fat??? and i was! i was very active and...well i can't say healthy during that period of time because i was actively starving most of it because - as i was perceived as fat - i was berated about my food intake (at *minimum* it was commented on snidely) and constantly monitored about what i could have and when i could have it. My parents were on yo-yo diets constantly during my teen years when i was running Multiple Miles A Day, at minimum 3 days a week, or swimming actively anywhere from 2 hours a day 3 days a week to 3 hours a day nearly 5 days a week.

My knee blew out and swelled up to 2x its size while i was a councilor in training at a summer camp for 2 weeks. My shoulder blew out mid lap, mid practice and i finished the practice before i mentioned it and it *was* x-rayed but i never found out what happened to it. If mom heard back about it, she never told me. I *fell off* horses TWICE, once getting kicked in the ribs at 10, and the second one i tore a huge chunk of skin off my hand and had scrapes on my back from getting dragged through gravel. AFTER WHICH I WENT TO SWIM PRACTICE. And then there was the tap dancing which i did *along side training for half-marathons*. WITH MY PARENTS. I DID THIS WITH THEM. THEY KNEW I DID THIS MUCH.

but because i tended to stay pretty stationary at home (god why wouldn't i? even if i wasn't fucking DISABLED with a CHRONIC PAIN ISSUE from my CONNECTIVE TISSUE DISORDER (as of yet unnamed specifically - i *really* need to get my shit together and see a doctor) I was exhausted because i WAS RUNNING SEVERAL MILES IN THE MORNING AND THEN EXPECTED TO TEACH MYSELF MY OWN FUCKING SCHOOL WORK.

but yeah i was lazy and didn't move around enough and so any injuries i got, or stiffness and pain when i moved from my stationary position was my fault. My knee wouldn't have blown out if i didn't sit with it tucked up underneath me. My shoulder wouldn't have blown out if I...idk been more careful??? doing the same stroke i'd been doing the same way for several years at that point?

I walked FIVE MILES A DAY, EVERY DAY, FIVE DAYS A WEEK. at my most recent job *just to get to the damn job*, let alone the 10-12 HOURS ON MY FEET WHILE THERE before i burnt out (gee I WONDER WHY) and thankfully shortly thereafter i got a car so I could make it to the shifts I could still work at that point, ones that got shorter and shorter as my body just failed right out from underneath me. IN FUCKING FOOD SERVICE. (notably a rather physically intensive job)

My pain during my desk job years was from sitting still too long. My pain during training during my athletics was from not stretching enough, not being careful enough. My pain during the physically taxing jobs was because i didn't move enough during the day so of course i was going to hurt myself.

no matter what i did. it was my fault i hurt. it couldn't ever be that there was something wrong with me that they needed to help me look into. And i internalized the shit out of that.

I tweaked my back the other day. Don't know what i did. it's been like 3 days now, and i move really stiffly because it's my lower back, near my hips and tailbone, and it hurts to move. i've taken meds 2ce today and i am *really bad* at taking meds during the day. i stretch during the day, i get up and move around as best i can - i might not do it as often as i probably *should* but if you were in pain you'd do your best not to move as much too! it hurts!

but gosh if i only moved more, lost weight, could turn straw into gold and spin my hair into a rope to reach the stars. Then I wouldn't be in pain and really it's my own fault. Right?

[derrick-cagayan]

Life Recap

Born in '89 in the Bay Area. Family moved to Vegas before I started 1st grade. This is where I met some of my childhood friends, who I still hangout to this day. I didn't graduate high school because I skipped gov't class too much. Why? To be with friends, duh. This affected my life entirely.

After high school where I did not graduated, I got recruited to join the Marines. I wasn't patriotic by any means, they just promised I would get a high school diploma and a job. Otherwise I would be a waste of a human being. The military wasn't half bad, it felt like a microcosm of the real world. Went to Afghanistan during the war. Almost died of a blood clot.

Once I did my 4 years, I continued what I was doing after high school. Which is to say, nothing. I was less shy, but I had no guidance in life. So I just stayed with my parents with no job or car. For nearly 7 years! During that time I questioned about my self-worth. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. My room was the living room and I felt like I was a burden to my family. I was always embarrassed every Saturday when my friend from elementary would hangout.

I don't remember what changed in my brain that I needed to grow up. But I had a job where I had to take a bus everywhere. It paid like shit, but at least it was a job. We traveled to different stores and do inventory for them. I was able to travel via road to denver and got to see a friend from the Marine Corps there. I enjoyed the company of old folks there. Got to drink with guy name Greg. I left that job because I was gonna be forced to drive the company van. That means I had to drive to places like Kingman, AZ or St George, UT in the middle of the night while others get to nap in the van.

I took several months off from working and tried to learn a trade from a trade school. Don't do this. Google it or ask for tradesman if they need help. It was ok until Covid hit. After a few months of "learning" I got a job as data entry. Met this cute young guy, but ultimately not my type. We had a co-worker who was neurotic and paranoid. We were cool until the last few months before we were being let go. The dude really thought me and our gay co-worker were hanging out without him. We were talking about Microcenter renovations and I said I would like to go there again. He just assumed me and our work friend went without him even though I went there before I started the job.

Enough about that job. I was able to get another job at a warehouse for keys. That was probably my favorite job so far. It had a nice mix of people. Like I'm kinda left leaning but they all seem cool people regardless of their political affiliation. Hung out with guy name Dakota from chicago. Played pinball and drank. There was girl there named Liz and I had a hard crush on her. Sadly she left the job quickly due to family issues. There was another girl named Hailey, I found her hot and fun to tease. She didn't find me attractive, but I still wanted to be her friend because she liked anime.

I miss that place. The pay sucked though. It doesn't help that I had to keep driving from North Las Vegas to South Premium during morning and rush hour traffic. Just 2 years ago I finally got a place away from my parents. I was sorta forced to leave, but I was gonna leave anyway just a few months later.

I rented a room that had 3 other occupants. 2 others plus me had to share a bathroom. It was 550 a month! I just had to suck it up. At least it was closer to the warehouse. I remember the window would shake because of the wind. And the wall was thin. Plus my friends wouldn't hang out here. Usually my place is the go to spot since I'm always in the middle.

5 months prior to me moving I discovered XG and I'll talk about them on a different post. For 2 years of minimum pay (12/hr) I decided to look for a new job. I landed my current one which is at a casino. Ironic because I swore to never work at a casino, but I was desperate. I moved out of that shared housing and moved into my single bedroom apt earlier this year.

I have more to say about certain events, but I just wanted to type this out while it is still in my head. I'll probably clean this up and make it more congestible. If this is still like this, then I'm sorry future me.

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[hazellight11]

Just had a horrible past one hour ✌️

I had work at 1pm so i woke up at 10, checked tumblr and other stuff on my phone for about an hour, and then around 11 i was about to get out of bed when i picked at a pimple on my face and it started bleeding more than i expected it could so i waited for my sister to be done in our shared bathroom so i could get ready and also like, check out just how much my forehead was bleeding bc my mirror in my room has shit lighting. But some combination of seeing the blood and not having eaten enough yesterday made me lightheaded/nauseous so i asked my sister to get me a glass of orange juice from downstairs when she was done on the toilet and she refused but fortunately my parents were home so my mom brought me some. So i drank a small glass of orange juice while laying on my bedroom floor (which i hate bc it's carpet and we have cats and i haven't vacuumed in a while). And then once i wasn't on the verge of passing out i realized i got my fucking period cramps. Which for me usually last like an hour or two and consist of overstimulation (audio, light, physical ouchy ofc, and temperature) that are worst when laying down but still bad when sitting up and especially rn because of the blood sugar thing. So just thinking about doing anything sucked and i was literally writhing because moving a little bit felt slightly better than staying still (i had taken some meds for it but it takes a bit for them to kick in). Anyway at 11:30 i ended up texting my boss that i wouldn't be able to make it in today because i'm not feeling well. Which i hated doing because i was literally scheduled for 3 hours today with just one other person (it's a sunday so it's bare minimum) which means she has to find someone else who can work today in the hour and a half before we open (i know i know "it's the manager's fault for not scheduling enough people" but i work at my local library and i've known her longer than i can literally remember and i do completely trust her bc she's literally a small town library director, not like a retail boss). And i already took Friday off with less than a week's notice to go to the movies. Actually on second thought i don't feel as bad now since i was scheduled for 6 days three weeks in a row (normally every weekday + every other sunday but someone is on vacation so i ended up with 3 sundays in a row) (usually i'm only working like 3 or 4 hours a day so it's not that bad and also it's a pretty easy job bc it's a student/summer job at a smaller library)

Anyway i'm feeling a lot better now (but i think taking it easy is a good idea since i haven't gotten out of bed since i started feeling better like 20 minutes ago and shelving books has always been a slight issue especially in the children's section where the shelves are low and it's a lot of bending over which can make me slightly lightheaded)

[learningselflove]

Healing my relationship with food and fitness

I’ve always struggled with body image.  

I was more developed and at an earlier age than everyone. In fifth grade, I was self conscious about my sports bra lines being visible through my t-shirt. I was too insecure to take the plunge to wear a real bra yet.  

  After high school, I gained a significant amount of weight. I was struggling with balancing my social life, school and being independent for the first time in my life. I made my own money and always having work, school, or social plans. Being readily available for my soical life encouraged poor nutrition choices.  

My social life consisted of drinking heavily on the weekends with my group of friends. We would order fast food or pizza to satiate our drunken cravings. Applebee’s offered half-off appetizers after 10 p.m. and we were working minimum wage jobs. Cheap food and a place to hang out that didn’t bother our parents? Awesome!  

I wanted to join a gym when I was 17. My peers had started to work out in preparation for prom. Social media influencers started to emerge around that time as well. I wanted to lose weight. I was embarrassed to be in my own body. I thought boys didn’t like me because of that. I wanted to have good self esteem. When I asked my dad if I could join the gym he told me no that it was a waste of money. If I wanted to work out, I could go for a walk. I was defeated. I didn’t have a good role model to show what a healthy relationship with food and exercise looked like. I grew up with news outlets promoting low carb, low fat, low sugar diets and supplementing that with working out seven days a week. The hurdle felt insurmountable.  

Without a proper support system, I just moved on and accepted that I was going to be a heavier and curvier woman than everyone else. I continued my lifestyle the way it was. It wasn’t until I decided to drop out of my first year of college and decided to focus on working that I was able to have some more money. I worked full time at Staples and I made enough money for a gym membership.  

I spent a majority of my twenties being dedicated to working out and dieting and then getting frustrated that I wasn’t seeing results. I would do everything online forums and instagram posts told me to do like 100 crunches a day or lifitng weights 7 days a week but I wouldn’t lose a pound. This would lead to burnout which then I would restart every few months with new motivation and new ideas on how I could reach my fitness goals. I’d reward myself with new clothes, new headphones, or new sneakers just to keep my momentum. Eventually, the motivation would stop and the cycle would continue to repeat itself. 

I then realized that maybe the reason I couldn’t achieve my goals was because there was something wrong with me. I spent countless hours scanning google articles and subreddits to figure out why I felt the way I did. I was tired all of the time. I could sleep for eight hours a night and then need to take a four hour nap when I got home from work. My face was breaking out. I had intense mood swings.  

I FINALLY reached out to a doctor for blood work. 

When my results were ready, I was shocked to find that I had a hormonal imbalance. That explained everything. It was bittersweet. It was a huge sense of relief to know that my concerns were valid but it was also disheartening to learn this would be a lifetime of maintenence. When I learned about my hormone imbalance, it was the middle of 2020 and we were in a pandemic. Gyms were deemed as one of the least safe places to be. I spent a lot of that summer going for walks instead. I have spent the two years since then trying to get my body to function the way it should.  

With the help of medical treatment from my endocrinologist, I was able to lose 45 pounds this past year. My confidence has improved, I have plenty of mental clarity, if I need to nap, I can take an hour nap and function properly. I am once again finding myself trying to fall in love with the gym. I am taking baby steps with two days a week of working out. I love seeing the definition of muscle in my arms and legs. I love feeling stronger. I love having more stamina when running up flights of stairs.  

I believe that my relationship with others and the gym itself is solely based on my relationship with myself. There is beauty in aging.  I find myself not worrying about my belly when I wear leggings. I wore a crop top to my first night back in years. I would have blown my 21 year old self away with who I am at 28. I make sure to give myself plenty of self-care. I take a bath every night. On Sundays, I use face masks and add a bath bomb. I make time for video games because I enjoy playing them and I need a mental break from school and work. Fitness should be one of those routines. What your body looks like does not mean you should feel excluded from places like the gym. Everyone is there for the same goal.  

I took this photo on easter 2023 and I couldn't fathom how small my shoulder looked and I felt confident wearing a dress in size xL and having room in it.

[redrobin-detective]

the only ghost in Amity Park

Continuation of Half Of

______________________________________________

Only in Amity Park did the revelation that a local teenager was sorta, kinda a ghost just blow over in a few days. Sure, people still stared at Danny Fenton as he walked by and everyone was still wondering what exactly he was, but overall life had moved on. Star sighed to herself as she organized her notebooks, waiting for class to begin. Just another day.

Star herself really didn’t want to get involved in whatever was going on with Danny. She didn’t like him before he was a celebrity and didn’t plan on starting anytime soon. While Paulina still relentlessly, and vainly, pumped him for information on her dead boy crush, Phantom and he and Dash formed some weird macho bond or whatever, Star avoided him. He’d given her the chills since the day he’d walked into Casper High. When Danny’s secret had been exposed mid-attack, Star hadn’t been surprised. She didn’t need some ghost to tell her that there was something deeply, unsettlingly wrong with Danny Fenton.

Danny didn’t seem particular bothered, by his inhuman nature or by suddenly having his secret exposed. If anything, the nerd looked more relaxed than ever. Star had been watching him, they all had, but Fenton kept his ghostly antics to a minimum when in public. The occasional flash of green eyes when emotional, a grin of sharpened teeth. He made Mikey’s locker lock intangible the other day when the kid had forgotten his combination and he floated down the stairs instead of walking sometimes. It had been a week and it was  frightening how quickly such strangeness had become almost normal. 

“Alright kids, phones and notes away we’re starting class with a pop quiz. Hope you’ve all kept up with your weekly readings,” Faluca announced cheerily. The whole class, including Fenton, moaned and packed up their bags. Star supposed being an undead being haunting his own life didn’t make him immune from normal human problems. She was biting her lip trying to remember which antibody caused allergic reactions when she got an uneasy feeling. She looked up and was not surprised to see Danny Fenton looking around too. It had been a solid week without ghost attacks, looks like Fenton’s supposed vacation time was up.

Star stopped her writing and adjusted the bag at her feet to prep for evacuation. She briefly wondered what Fenton would do, what he could do? Did he also hunt ghosts, like his parents? Like Phantom? There were no blasts, no screams, no monologues but the dread increased when a ghost shield descended over them. Actually, it looked like it was just covering their classroom. Now everyone was looking up from their quizzes and out the window at the flickering, green shield.

“You’d think the administration would’ve warned me we were going to do a drill,” Faluca said but his voice was hesitant. Clearly this wasn’t planned so despite the lack of alarms, there was a good chance this was real. “Pencils down for the moment while I figure out what’s going on.”

“Mr. Faluca, I need to go,” Danny said, raising his hand. Star was so used to hearing the request she almost ignored him but the dread curling in her stomach made her look again. His face was pinched, sharp and his eyes burned with an icy fury like a sudden storm blowing in without warning. 

“Mr. Fenton, I don’t think...” Faluca murmured uneasily. Danny frowned harder.

“It wasn’t a request, actually,” Danny said roughly as he stood up and began walking towards the door. He was almost there when the door slammed open and Fenton had no less than 3 ectoweapons pointed in his face. A few kids jumped back in alarm but Danny held his ground as half a dozen Guys in White agents entered the room and surrounded him.

“Spectral scum formerly known as Daniel Fenton, you’re coming with us,” one of the agents said. 

“Danny not Daniel and it’s still my name,” Danny quipped, eyeing each of the government officials and their weapons. “And no, I’m not. I’m still alive, somewhat anyway, so I have rights. The courts backed me up.”

“Everyone who signed for your freedom doesn’t know ghosts like we do,” Another agent said so forcefully, some spittle flew out of their mouth and hit Danny’s cheek. Star watched it freeze and fall away the instant it hit his skin. “Your kind are too dangerous to wander around, you need to be contained and eliminated. Don’t worry, your parents will receive a sizable check as recompense.”

“I’m the one who needs to be contained?” Danny said slowly, evenly but there was a static to his voice that caused the hairs on the back of Star’s neck to rise. When she breathed out, she saw her breath was misting. Everyone’s was as the room temperature continued to plummet. “When you come in here and take hostages to threaten me?” Danny hissed, he took a step forward and his eyes took on a neon green glow. “You didn’t come to my home or on the streets, you came to take me in the middle of biology when I’m surrounded by civilians, kids.”

“You delude yourself into thinking you’re still human,” another agent scoffed. “Everyone knows ghosts are weaker when giving into their obsession.” Danny laughed, it was loud and mocking and like fingernails running down a chalkboard. Faluca, stuck in between Danny and the agents, was white as a sheet and gripping his desk like it was the only thing keeping him from collapsing.

“You know nothing,” Danny hissed, his voice barely recognizable as human. His hair and shirt floated in an invisible but angry breeze. Frost crawled up his arms and his face. Various ecto alarms were ringing on the belts of the agents and they started to look a bit nervous. He looked nothing like the kid who, minutes before, had clearly been struggling with their bio quiz. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with. You cannot come into my haunt and threaten my people to get to me. Protecting what is mine will always make me stronger!” 

“This whole town is constantly under attack because of things like you!” One particularly brave agent said even as a few others had backed up. “Amity Park is on the verge of collapse because of all the ghosts!”

“There is only one ghost in Amity Park,” Danny said, he tilted his head, his black and white hair dangling in his face as he gave a sharpened smile. “There is only me and the ghosts I allow, ghosts who know the rules, who respect my authority here by keeping damage to people and property down. I am the only ghost haunting this town and why do you think that is?” One agent threw down his gun and ran through the open door.

“You’re-you’re a monster!” Another woman shouted, shaking as she stepped back before fleeing.

“I’m not the one who needs to threaten innocents to get to their target,” Danny sneered. “It’s a good thing you did though, I wouldn’t hold back if I wasn’t worried about collateral.” Another three agents turned tail and ran. Until there was only one left. His gun was still trained on Danny but his hands were shaking. 

“You don’t scare us,” the agent trembled through the obvious lie having been abandoned by his comrades. “We’ll get you monster, if it’s the last thing we do.”

“Looking forward to it,” Danny drawled sarcastically as some of his horrifying aura dissipated along with the freezing grip on the room. Within moments Danny has settled back into more human form. While he’d been angry before, now he looked almost bored. At no point had he seemed afraid. 

“You take your people and your equipment and you leave Amity’s borders by sunset tonight,” Danny declared resolutely. “If you have continued problems with my existence, you take it up with the courts. We settle this as humans but if you treat me as a ghost then I will fight back like one.” His eyes turned green again as a threat. As a promise. 

“I don’t take orders from spooks!” The agent shouted, securing his finger on the trigger and preparing to fire. Star had ducked to avoid the blast so she missed exactly what happened. All she saw was the green glow and heard a strangled scream from the agent followed by a series of thumps. By the time Star had gotten back into her seat, Danny was aggressively pulling apart the ectogun with his bare hands. There was no sign of the agent and, around them, the ghost shield fizzled away. 

“Jerks,” Danny grumbled, kicking at the remains of the ectogun he’d destroyed. “Sorry about that, Mr. Faluca. I knew they’d cause problems but I didn’t think they’d come to school.” Their teacher stared at Danny like a rabbit facing down a lion. “You okay?”

“Fine, Mr. Fenton, just fine!” Falcua grinned in a high pitched voice. “Shall we get back to our quizzes?” The bell rang just then and Danny did a little fist pump.

“Tomorrow then? After I get a chance to study more?” Danny asked with puppy dog eyes. It looked wrong on his face that had just threatened the government with bodily harm. Faluca just nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say. “Yes! I’ll pass tomorrow for sure. The attention kinda sucks but it does come with some perks.”

He walked back to his desk, ignoring the wide-eyed looks of the class when he stopped and gasped, his breath fogging in front of him. His lips pursed again with annoyance. A few people jumped in surprise as the Box Ghost, a familiar annoyance, poked his head through the wall.

“Child! Your requested reprieve is up and the Box Ghost is here to cause insurmountable square shenanigans!” He laughed heartily, stopping when the room temperature dropped again. Danny didn’t even turn to face the ghost. 

“Your watch is off, Boxy. I have another 10 hours before I have to deal with you annoyances again,” Danny growled. “I’m feeling good right now, take advantage of it and leave in one piece.”

“Uh right okay then,” the ghost stammered, sinking back into the wall. “See you tomorrow.” Danny cracked his neck before he walked to his desk, grabbed his things and walked to the front of the room.

“Late bell’s gonna ring any minute, you guys should hurry if you don’t wanna be late,” Danny said as he left. Falcua’s strength gave out as soon as Fenton was gone and he hit the floor, one hand clutching at his chest.

“Jeepers,” Mikey surmised appropriately before stuffing his things in his bag and leaving as well. Star watched everyone loosen up themselves and begin gathering their things to leave. No, she would never like Danny Fenton but he and his ghost weirdness was just part of the deal now, whether they wanted it or not. Such was life in the most haunted city in America which was only haunted by a single ghostly entity.

[cno-inbminor]

domus

a/n: here we have another short drabble dump! i wrote this up very quickly -- i’m still working on that long fic i’ve been talking about! i apologize for taking so long to put it together. pls take this short fic as an apology for now. stay hydrated, wear your masks, and be safe! love you all so dearly <3 

plot: when kuroo tetsuro drops the hard-hitting truth that he’s fallen out of love with you, your first thought is to escape. but you find comfort in the least likely person: akaashi keiji, a boy you had grown up with out of forced family interactions, who always seemed so distant from you. yet you probably knew more about him than anyone else. 

characters: fem!reader, ex-bf!kuroo, & family friend!akaashi 

wc: ~3.7k, will probably have other parts in the future.

genre/warnings: angst with dashes of fluff; mentions of alcohol

pt. 2 | pt. 3

edit: now crossposted to AO3!

When you’re in love, you spend weeks and months wondering why time won’t stop. You sit and ponder over why you’ll have to die someday and leave behind the person you’ve dedicated your entire soul to, or what might happen if your death came early and you didn’t get to say goodbye. You wonder why the seasons seem to pass you by so quickly, that in the blink of an eye, you go from enjoying a cup of iced tea on the porch to holding a mug of hot chocolate inside watching snowflakes swirl in their journeys to the ground.

But when love ceases to exist, time seems to stop. The days drag for longer, the seasons crawl at a turtle’s pace, and the inevitable end feels less terrifying. You no longer fear the eventual sagging of your skin or the spider legs that grow at the corners of your eyes. You no longer cling onto a hope that there will be a lover’s hand holding yours at your bed of eternal sleep. You simply become, just you. Solitary, single, independent you.

It’s no longer you and someone else. The realization stings so badly that it physically hurts you, a whimper leaving your throat. You shakily reach over for the next blouse and fight back the tears, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. The skin is chapped and broken to the point that you would need layers and layers of chapstick to save any semblance of it, a terrible habit that you wish you hadn’t possessed. It’s muscle memory, the way you fold the blouse in half, fold the sleeves in, bending it over your arm before it lands in a neat stack of other tops in your suitcase. Your eyes take a glance at the clock, and you gather you have about another hour before you needed to leave for the airport and make it on time for your flight.

You ignore the male figure hunched over on the edge of your bed, tuning out his pleas and broken promises. He begs you to give him time, to implore that it’s all his fault and he’ll make it work for the two of you. Tetsuro promises that he didn’t mean to and that it wasn’t anything you did, but you feel so empty inside that you can’t even find the energy to argue, to turn on him and say that he was pretending to take all the blame so it’d be a better explanation to all your friends. A relationship involves both parties, and while there were special exceptions, this wasn’t one of them. Something was clearly wrong with you, and you were okay with that. You were just tired of Testuro attempting to take everything onto himself.

“I thought it’d be best to come clean with you,” he says, throat hoarse from lack of hydration. “I know you would question it and I haven’t done anything, I swear, I know you’re amazing and don’t deserve to live a lie and—”

“Do you want me to say ‘thank you’?” You interjected quietly, morosely. Your hands slide open the underwear drawer and take out a week’s worth of underwear, bras, and bralettes. “Do you want me to express my gratitude in your honesty for telling me that you don’t love me anymore? You can easily buy a trophy online and make the inscription yourself. ‘Most honest man alive’? Is that what you want?” You ask, tone flat and not possessing the least bit of amusement and humor.

“Can’t you give me some time? I’ll try, I’ll try to figure out what went wrong, and I can love you again. We can still get married and everything, but please don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving forever, Tetsu. I’m just gone for a week, maybe more.”

“Where are you even going?”

“That’s none of your business,” you quickly reply, defenses back up as you make a beeline for the bathroom. You pick up all the toiletries you can, the ones that would be allowed in your carry-on. Strangers won’t care about your missing skincare routine and your complexion not looking its best.

“What if you get lost? Or kidnapped? What if people ask—”

“Easy. Just tell them I had a last minute business trip, family emergency, whatever floats your boat.”

“Can’t you see that I’m trying? I—”

“This isn’t just about you!” You snap, whirling around to look at him for the first time in the last hour or so. Testuro notices with a pang in his heart that your cheeks have sunken in slightly since he broke his revelation to you just last week, the eye circles darker than ever. But your eyes are soulless, dead, no shine or spark that he’d wake up to every morning even muddled with sleep.

“You can’t just expect me to be okay and continue to bend over backwards for you without question. The least you could do is give me my time, give me some space to think about all of it. That’s the bare minimum.”

And with that, you zip your suitcase shut, grab your passport (even though you probably don’t need it), keys, wallet, and phone, and walk as quickly as you can to the front door. The scheduled Uber will arrive in just a few minutes, and as you slip into a pair of flats, you can hear the creak of the bed and Testuro’s padded steps nearing you.

“Just be careful, okay? Call me if you need anything, anything. You’re still one of the most important people to me, so just – text me at some point. Let me know you’re alive at least.”

“You need to rest. You’re on call tomorrow,” you digress while opening the door.

“(Y/n)—”

“I’ll text you. Promise.”

And the door shuts behind you.

-

Your relationship with Akaashi Keiji is…hard to explain. In fact, you’re not even sure what to refer him as in your life. Anytime you spoke of him or attempted to explain, you’d fumble over words and draw blanks. While it was irritating and aggravating at times, you learned to just accept it.

Akaashi Keiji was the neighbor down the street, two years older, and someone who had known you since you were 8. Your moms were attached at the hip not longer after you moved to Tokyo, and that meant holidays were spent together, impromptu get-togethers and dinners were a common occurrence, and you saw him frequently at school. He was a quiet soul, gentle, but reserved. In fact, most of the things you knew about him were secondhand conversations from your mother talking about the family, because honestly his mom was basically your second mom now, and your mother trusted you with everything. His past, his troubles, his personality all relayed through your mom from his own, and when you saw him in the hallways, he wasn’t much of an enigma to you. Many other girls had found the mysterious air around him to be attractive, that the pretty setter who only ever smiled around his volleyball team and kept a tight circle of friends had something significant beneath the layers.

Keiji grew up with you, playing Smash on the Wii to pass time as your parents gossiped away. Sometimes, you’d play an intense game of Monopoly with him, a game that typically tipped in his favor. He never said much about himself, always relayed more about others that overlapped in your lives. The most he ever spoke to you about was when it came to teachers at school, even giving you some of his old notes and pointers. But even you could tell that he kept his guards up, and you wondered if he even classified you as a friend.

Your go-to explanation of Keiji’s standing in your life was a family friend. But that insinuated you were close with him, which you weren’t at all. No matter how many times he walked home with you (mainly at the pushing from his mother), no matter how many times he was forced to entertain you at dinners and holidays, no matter how many times he gave you a small smile in school, there was such a large gap between the two of you. He always seemed so different around his team, like they had the privilege of knowing the real him, and at times, you felt…jealous.

And the weird thing is that you can rely on him somehow – whether it be because he’d get an earful from his parents if he didn’t help you when you asked it or out of the goodness of his heart, he was simply always there. Sometimes, you were bold enough to text him about a show he talked about in the past, and he would reply quickly as if your unexpected, rare text about something benign didn’t faze him at all.  

Yet despite the distance, despite the lack of any semblance of an actual friendship with him, he was the first one you thought of when all this happened. He was the one you wanted to see – maybe it’s because he was the closest thing to home, and you didn’t want to go back to your parents explaining everything. It’s been a while since you’ve been back in Tokyo, ever since you moved to Sapporo for your job and Testuro got matched for a residency at a hospital there.

At 7PM on a Friday afternoon, past the baggage claim with the sunset beaming in through the sliding glass doors, you stare at Keiji’s contact on your phone, thumb hovering hesitantly over the call button. You could count the number of times you’ve called him on one hand, but this was an emergency, right? Is this why your heart is pounding against your chest, so anxious that you feel like you’ll break into a cold sweat any time soon?

You jump into the deep end.

Your hand nervously brings the phone to your ear, waiting with bated breath as the dial tone echoes in the chamber of your brain. Part of you wants him to miss the call so you can avoid this awkward conversation, but another part of you desperately wants him to pick up as if he’ll be able to save you.

Oh god oh god oh god, you panic as the tone stops, there’s a pause, a rustle, and then a hesitant, “—Hello?”

You didn’t plan this out. You’re not ready for this. Shit, what are you supposed to say?

“—hello? (Y/n)?”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

Wow, you’re a terrible conversationalist.

“…um, I haven’t actually. I was about to warm up some leftovers?”

Your eyes focus on the taxis driving by, picking up passengers as they get waved down. Maybe you should just find a cheap hotel nearby, continue this conversation tomorrow.

“Well…I’m in town, actually. I just landed about 30 minutes ago and realized I didn’t have anywhere to go and I don’t really want to call anyone else and I don’t exactly know who else to call so I just, um, thought about calling you and asking if you’ve had dinner? Which if you’re busy and stuff, that’s totally fine, I should’ve texted you beforehand instead of springing this on you and—”

“(Y/n), it’s okay, alright? It’s okay. I’m not busy, so you can stop by. Did my mom ever give you my address?”

Keiji’s brief attempt to calm you down works, surprisingly. You allow yourself to take a deep breath despite the stale airport air, but it was some much-needed oxygen. This is going to be okay, Keiji doesn’t hate you quite yet.

“N-no, she never did.”

“That’s fine, I’ll text it to you. My place is about 30 minutes from the airport, I’d recommend getting a taxi instead of an Uber. I’ll order some delivery—”

“Oh, you don’t have to—”

“You still like the miso ramen from that shop not far from your house, right? They opened up a second store not far from where I live.”

How did he remember that? You’re pretty sure your own mother had forgotten that fact by now.

“Y-yeah, I do,” you smile to yourself. “I still think about it sometimes.”

“Sounds good then. Get here safely then.”

“Okay. Thank you loads again. I’m sorry for all this—”

“Don’t worry about it. Keep me updated, see you later.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Not 30 seconds later, a text arrives to your phone with an address, a keycode for getting past the main door, and other relevant instructions.

-

Keiji’s apartment is exactly as you expect it to be – prim, proper, neat almost to a fault, with minimalist decorations. The apartment complex he lives in is rather high-end, if the security guards standing outside the main entrance indicated anything. You almost feel completely out of place or like a bug on the wall as you step in after him, a rather comfortable silence between the two of you. His kitchen is spotless and almost sparkles back at you, and the only thing that seems out of place are the containers of your ramen he so kindly ordered for you.

“Your place is really nice, it’s really…you,” you comment, setting your stuff down at the door. Keiji indulges you with a quiet laugh, making sure that there wasn’t anything that would be in your way. His glasses are perched on his head, an old monochrome t-shirt on his shoulders and sweatpants hung low on his hips, yet in this apartment that almost seems like it should be in an interior design magazine, he looks at home. His ethereal beauty, the softness in his eyes, the gentle up-turned strands of his hair – he belonged here.

“The ramen came not too long ago, so it’s still hot. I’ll go ahead and put it together, you can put your jacket on the couch.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Instead, you fold your jacket over your suitcase and quietly make your way into the apartment. Straight across from you are doors to a balcony – darkness had long taken over the city, so you see nothing but your reflection at first. But as you near the plexiglass, the reflection disappears into the view and you almost gasp from the beauty of it.

Blinking lights, flashing billboards, and the brightly lit Tokyo Skytree peer back at you. It only hits you now how much you’ve missed home, and that even though Sapporo was one of the largest cities in Japan, it still wasn’t Tokyo.

“I never get tired of it,” Keiji chimes in while carrying your bowl of ramen to the dining table.

“It’s an amazing view, I can see why you’d live here,” you reply while moving away from it. The table also has two empty wine glasses, and just as you’re about to ask him why they were there, he returns with a newly opened bottle of chardonnay.

“I haven’t had a lot of time to restock the wine fridge, but I knew I was going to kick myself for not having a bottle of that dessert wine we had before you went off to college,” he said with mirth and amusement. “You remember that one?”

“Yeah,” you nearly splutter, almost flushing that once again, Keiji was remembering details about you that you didn’t even know. “Your mom wanted to throw me a graduation dinner and you made it back in time after finals. And she had a bottle of it and between the two of us, we probably drank most of it. Our parents said it was too sweet.”

He nods and sits across from you, elbows on the table as you mutter, “Itadakimasu,” and start eating. You finish your meal silently for the most part, making small talk here and there. Keiji refills both of your glasses and the two of you sip the wine demurely, and while he seems okay with the lack of an explanation, you’re struggling to find the right words.

“So what’s with the impromptu trip to Tokyo? Are you going to see your parents?”

“Should I try to lie to you?”

“It’s up to you.”

Oh, okay then.

But he looks expectant, as if he knows you wouldn’t lie to him – in fact, you’ve never lied to him before. There was never any need to, but did that just mean neither of you ever cared enough?

“Something happened with me and Testuro. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but at the end of the day…I just needed to get away, as cliché as it sounds,” you laugh brokenly. Keiji continues to carefully observe you with a stare that you can’t escape. “I don’t want to tell my parents – you know them, they’ll ask a million questions. Without thinking, I booked a ticket to Tokyo and…now I’m here.”

That was a lie. How are you supposed to tell Keiji that he was the first person you thought of in an effort to run away? You and Keiji have never gotten personal before, he made sure of that. The last thing you want to do is weird him and scare him off.

“…did he cheat on you?” Keiji asked. His voice is darker in his inquiry, deeper than you’ve ever heard before. He has his hands folded in front of his lips and his eyes harden. Testuro may be an old friend to him, but you were in his life longer.

“Nonononono,” you quickly wave off. This isn’t the time to slander your…boyfriend? Could Tetsuro still even be your boyfriend if he no longer has any feelings for you? “Nothing like that.”

“That’s good to hear. If you want, you can tell me another time then. You’re welcome to stay here until you go back to Sapporo.”

You look up at him, eyes incredulous. Could Keiji really be this comfortable with you?

“I wouldn’t mind staying tonight, but I can stay in a hotel for the rest of the week that I’m here.”

“Nonsense,” Keiji refutes, standing from the table and taking your wine glasses to the sink. You follow with your bowl and he starts washing them before you can even offer. “Mom would kill me if she knew I let you pay for a hotel when I have a perfectly functioning bed you can stay in.”

“I mean, if it’s not a bother…”

“It’s not. The futon’s pretty comfortable, I’ve definitely fallen asleep on it plenty of times.”

“We can switch, I would never let you sleep on the futon for a whole week.”

“If you say so then. But for tonight, you can take my bed. Let me grab you an extra towel so you can shower. I’m sure you’ve had a long day,” he says while drying everything off, folding the kitchen towel neatly before heading off to his room. He returns with a large, soft grey towel and you shyly take it from him with a word of thanks, but he stays there in front of you, waiting for something.

“I’m really glad you picked up the phone,” you whisper softly, feeling the effects of the alcohol. You’re entering uncharted territory for the two of you, and this could either kill or strengthen this odd distant friendship. “I meant it when I said I didn’t know who else to call. You were the first person that came to mind and just…I don’t want to make this weird, like you can kick me out,” you begin to ramble. “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to take me in because your mom would be disappointed if you wouldn’t, you’ve already put up with me for over 15 years and it’s fine, I can be on my own and—”

Smooth, calloused hands delicately hold your face, large palms and nimble fingers cupping your cheeks. Your words die on your tongue as Keiji stares straight into your eyes, holding your gaze until your breathing calms down to a steady, languid pace. “You’re my friend, (y/n). So it’s good that you called me.”

“I’m your…friend?” You ask unsteadily, feeling a sense of disbelief.

“Yeah,” he confirms with the corners of his lips turning up slightly. “We’re friends.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now go shower.”

“Okay.”

-

You’re fast asleep before Keiji finishes his own shower, his bedroom door left ajar as the hallway light beams through. He pauses in the midst of drying his hair with a towel, letting it bunch and hang off his neck as he cautiously pushes the door open. Keiji notices your even breathing and how much more relaxed you look in sleep. You’re curled up on your side with the blanket pulled up to your face and he can’t lie: it’s adorable and cute, and he shouldn’t really be thinking these things.

He sits on the edge of the bed in the little space that’s provided, lithe fingers reaching out to brush back a few stray wisps of your hair. Watching you sleep pulls him back into a fond memory he’s kept of the two of you, one that might’ve held very little significance to you but meant something so much more to him. He knows you know him well, he knows how much his mother babbles on about him, and adults were more prone to gossip than the rowdiest of teenagers – he’d be painfully oblivious if he didn’t think you knew that much about him, or more than the average friend.

But it’s comforting to him, sometimes. Knowing you, how kindly you think of others, he might not have to explain what he’s feeling in the moment. You would be able to know, and that soothes him to some degree.

Maybe he had a little bit too much wine as well, but ever so subtly, motions steady and unhurried, he deftly leans closer and closer until his lips brush the apple of your cheek. He lingers for no more than a few seconds and sits back up, gazing at you before standing. His hands adjust the blankets and make sure you’re properly tucked in. He pads away, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible as to not wake you.

And when he’s found a comfortable position on the futon with his most comfortable throw blanket, he realizes, begrudgingly, that this week will fly by too fast for his liking.  

[nat-20s]

what’s poppin everyone please have this fun lil writing warmup/short story inspired by me thinking “Dancing in the Moonlight” was definitely 100% about werewolves

~*~

“So, this your first transformation?”

The counselor? Leader? Tour guide? Asked this with a perfectly jovial tone, as if the typical social mores surrounding, ugh, lycanthropy, didn’t apply to her. They didn’t know what exact title to call her, and her name tag just said “Luna”, which, reflecting on it, either was a joke on her part or a reflection of her parents’ sense of humor.

Picking at the scabs from last month, they cringed and replied, “No. Uh. Second.”

Luna lets out a low whistle. “Oof. That sucks. Guessing you got bitten rather than inherited the ol’ wolfman gene?”

“That’s...kind of personal?”

Unlocking the front door of the log cabin that served as King Harvest’s Headquarters, Luna shrugs and says, “Shit, sorry. Forgot the whole weird stigma around your source of the once monthly nightmare, as if it fuckin matters. Also, I know, I know, ass out of you and me. Hey, you got any dietary restrictions? Gluten, peanut allergies, the like?”

Voice flat, they tell her, “I’m vegetarian,” and waits for the obvious response.

As they wander through the cabin towards the kitchen, Luna flipping on the light switches, generic club music starts to filter in. Instead of the obvious response, Luna asks, “You like veggie burgers? Or maybe pasta? I’d offer salad, but that’s really not gonna cut it for tonight.”

“I ate before I came.”

With a snort, she tells them, “Oh yeah? Did you have about 4000 calories?”

“No? Why would I have?”

Sweeping out her arm, she gestures at the food laying out on the counter and tells them, “Then eat up! 4000 is really a minimum for the night if you don’t want to feel like someone physically beat out all of your energy in the morning. 6000 is more the target area, but we got, hmm, about 15 minutes before things get uncomfortable, and half an hour max before things get dire.”

They glance down to the food, and, admittedly, the broccoli alfredo does look pretty appealing. Still, they have to ask, “Is this a cult?”

Luna lets out a bark of a laugh that has nothing to do with her (maybe) being a werewolf. “Okay, first of all, what kind of cult is like ‘fuck yeah, we’re a cult’? Secondly, despite the first thing, I can say that we’re not a cult. I know how “King Harvest: Center for Movement Therapy” sounds, both clinical and vague enough to be suspicious as hell, but I didn’t come up with the title, blame my long deceased dad for that one. Plus, ‘King Harvest: Bitchin’ Wolf Dance House’ probably wouldn’t look good on the grant applications.”

“Grants?”

“Oh yeah. This bad boy’s been publicly funded since its opening in 1972. Hence no membership fees.”

“Is that why animal control is giving out your business card? Are they one of your sponsors?”

“Nah, that’s just Jack. Me ‘n’ him go way back, hell, to his park ranger days.  I mean, yeah, I think he’ll campaign for us, but mostly I think he just hates capturing a wolf in the night only to have a naked, trembling human in the morning, and he knows that our program significantly reduces the odds of that happening, at least in this neck of the woods.”

They let out a hum, then glance back down to the food. As appealing as it down look, they’re still about..30% convinced this is an elaborate organ harvesting operation. Or sketchy sex thing.

Apparently sensing their hesitation, Luna says, “You got a favorite chip?”

“Salt and vinegar.”

Grabbing a sealed family sized bag from the overhead cabinets, Luna tosses it to them. “If you come back next full moon, either eat enough in advance or have a real meal here. That being said, excuse the turn of phrase, you should wolf that down. It’s sure as hell better than nothing.”

They catch it, and the bag opens with a puff of air that speaks to a reassuring lack of tampering. As they toss a chip into their mouth, Luna grabs a water bottle from the fridge and places it down next to them. “So? Any questions for me? We’ve still got about ten minutes before we have to go out there.”

Rolling their eyes, they tell her, “No. None at all.”

“Great! Soon as you’re done eating we’ll get you started.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“Yeah, no shit, smart-ass. Seriously, what are your, we haven’t got much time.”

“I don’t know? The whole..thing? I mean, how is it supposed to..work? Like? At all?”

“You ever see Amok Time?”

“Is that relevant?”

“It’s a yes or no question babe.”

“And if I say no?”

“Then the explanation is going to be a lot more technical and take a lot longer, ultimately to likely make less sense.”

“...I’ve seen it.”

“Great! So, Pon Farr is basically this chemical blood imbalance that results in fuck or die disorder, yeah? But then Spock neither fucks nor dies, and eventually the vulcans get their shit together and find out that an intense fight can serve the same function, and the blood fever chills out. Lycanthropy operates on a similar enough basis for comparison. You’re compelled to act out on energetically heavy base instincts, returning to the ways of the wolf or whatever. Traditionally, that’s done through running and hunting, which has, historically, been a crapshoot at best. Theoretically, sex can also get the job done, but I’m sure you can imagine how that gets extremely dicey extremely quickly. Either restraints or isolation has been implemented for a while, but, c’mon, they’re bandaid solutions, and they’re far from foolproof. Luckily for us all, my grandmother decided to connect back with her ancestors, and there was a handful of stories having huge festivals to deal with ‘moon violence’. She tried it out, and, yeah, dancing works.”

“That sounds…”

They don’t know how that sounds. Made up, mostly.

“Like a bunch of hippie bullshit? Yeah, it kind of is, Grandma Josephine was a huge hippie, but it’s hippie bullshit that works. In fact, let’s go see the others, it almost always makes things clearer.”

Figuring that whatever they’re about to see can’t be worse than their transformation last month. They head through the sliding glass door out the back, the thump of the music suddenly loud enough to be felt in their chest. The sight that awaits them makes them drop their chips and let out a gasp. Barely able to speak, they exhale out, “None of them...they’re not wolves. How..how??”

Indeed, the roughly forty people jumping to the pulse of whatever they’re listening to (some to the in house DJ, some, apparently, to what’s playing over the large headphones they have adorned), resemble the image of a wolfman much more accurately. They bare claws, fangs, elongated snouts, upright ears, and  serious amounts of hair, but they’re on two legs, and moving like humans. Some of them are even singing along to the lyrics, which really shouldn’t be possible.

Luna grins, making it obvious that she’s used to this level of shell shocks. “Ultimately, you do have to give into some damn rigorous instincts. But dancing is a human instinct, not a canine one, so you end up, well, humanoid. Pretty nifty, huh?”

“And they all..they all keep their minds? I didn’t...they don’t blackout?”

“Not since we banned alcohol in the 90s! Here, watch this.”

Luna nods her head at the DJ, and the DJ, obligingly, turns down the music for a moment. The members of the crowd not listening to their own music pause, then look towards the door. She cries out, “Hey gang! HOW WE ALL DOIN’ TONIGHT?”, and gets a mix between a howl and “WOO!” cried back. The DJ then turns the music back up, and the general movement of the crowd resumes.

They should be more skeptical. They want to be more skeptical, they were just minutes before, but it’s hard to disagree with something right in front of you. “This will work for me? I just..have to dance?”

“Well, it’s not guaranteed. Few things are. But we have yet to have someone turn violent on us. If you start to fell yourself slipping from consciousness, though, I do ask that you start heading further into the woods, as to not hurt other guest. If you find yourself just getting tired, there’s beds inside, and a fair amount of pillows around the edge of the quote unquote dance floor, if you end up in more of a nesting mood. Also, I recommend taking off your shoes before you start.”

“What? Why?”

Luna gives a pointed glance at the dancers’ feet, which, ah. They’re about twice as large as normal and at least twice as sharp. The converse on their feet would be no match. “Ah.”

“Ready?”

They shove off their shoes and place the remainder of their chips aside. “As I’ll ever be.”

Good thing, too, as they’re starting to feel an uncomfortable pressure in their chest that was the prelude to disaster last month.

Luna strides to the center of the dance floor, which is really a plush lawn surrounded by forest. The crowd naturally moves around her, and she yells out, “Aiyana! Play my song!”

Aiyana gives a nod, and the opening notes of “Dancing in the Moonlight” start to sound out. “Seriously?”

Luna shrugs, grinning like a fool, and says, “It’s a classic!”

“It’s cliché at best.”

Luna shrugs, and then begins dancing. She’s hardly elegant, but she is dazzlingly joyful in her uncoordinated movements. As the song reaches the first chorus, she gives a twirl, and in the split second it takes, she’s transformed. They blink in shock, not knowing you could transform that seamlessly, that quickly, that painlessly. Luna in half wolf form is just as expressive as the human Luna, and she gives a nod over her shoulder as if to say Come on.

Feeling somewhat foolish, they start to bop their head to the tune. Luna lets out a huff and grabs their hands, spinning them around and forcing them to get moving. At first, it’s them indulging Luna, but as they let themselves get lost in rhythm, they feel a stretching sensation in their face and limbs. It’s not unpleasant, more like when you wake up and work out the tension in your spine. They open their eyes and look down at their hands, now covered in fur in and made for slashing. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt, and they’re still themselves, and they had no idea that full moons could be like this, maybe for the rest of their lives.

They turn their head to the night sky, and their body can’t help but continue to dance. Despite all their fear, all their dread, “movement therapy” worked, and they can admit, at least to themselves, that they feel warm and bright.