#when other players who don’t talk about it like it’s some shitty event (at least publicly) are shafted in favour of them

[beneathashadytree]

HEY GUYS! LONG POST HERE, BUT PLEASE READ🙏🏽

I am genuinely appalled by the discourse ongoing in the LNDS fandom these past few days—but above all, I am severely disappointed in what had started out as one of the most inclusive and sweet fandoms I’ve ever been in. I have a few things to say, so in this post I’m trying to put all my thoughts to words. Apologies if I sound harsh, but I’m genuinely livid. Also, please ignore any typos. I’m not wearing my glasses while word-vomiting.

First off, for a fandom that is composed of mostly adults, you guys have been acting terribly childishly. It’s 2024, and yet people are still unironically shaming others for “switching up on their favs” as if a person owes 2D characters any loyalty. Let people enjoy things. The novelty of Sylus and how he’s quite literally 6 months behind the other 3 love interests makes people want to catch up on the enjoyment of him all at once. He’s still such a brand new character and concept, so there’s no wonder everyone’s hyped up over him.

I’ve seen people get genuinely mad at other players and writing whole think-pieces about this. I promise you guys, the company making this game is still benefiting whether you’re pouring your money into Sylus or any one of the previous 3. We’re all happy to have an interesting character pop up among the roster now, and we’re taking our time getting to know him. Doesn’t make any of the first 3 any less loved. I genuinely don’t remember this amount of nastiness when solo events for each of the guys used to drop.

In fact, if the popularity thing is worrying you, going off MLQC (the company’s past game) the character who was last added was—eventually, after the initial hype died down—kicked off to the sidelines in most major events and was given the least content, and was the least favorite of fans.

Secondly, and this has my blood boiling, there is an insane amount of entitlement and rudeness I’ve seen on my timeline concerning how people characterize the men—particularly Rafayel.

Absolutely nothing warrants this shitty attitude towards other creators for how they depict characters in their fics. It seems you guys feel protected behind a screen and think it gives you the right to bully strangers online. Fanfiction is for fantasizing about your favs; for letting your imagination run wild. If this were a character analysis, then yes, maybe I’d agree that inaccuracies are aggravating. However, in fanfiction, there are zero rules, especially when it comes to smut.

Sexual preferences are not equivalent to a person’s whole personality—so whether he’s written as a dom, a sub, a switch, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, this has nothing to do with his kindness, gentlemanliness, passion, power, ruthlessness, snark, or whatever minuscule aspect of his character makes up his lovely whole and matters to you.

I think this circles back to a lack of ability to separate sexual matters and personality, because how else do people interpret fics depicting him in a certain manner as them erasing his character? They might overlap, but they can very well be mutually exclusive. I’ve seen incredibly sweet and gentle men irl who were absolute doms in bed, and I’ve seen powerful and passionate men who were reduced to tears between the sheets. There is barely any correlation whatsoever, and if anything, claiming otherwise is what I consider piss-poor media literacy and reading-comprehension.

My third point is that for some reason, there have been many, many posts and replies on here where I’ve seen people just straight-up spread pure hate for the characters. Maybe this bothered me in particular because I’m an OT3 (OT4 now!) and absolutely adore all of them, but I find no logical reason for “yucking someone’s yum” when we’re talking about liking the characters of an Otome game—a genre of video games which is made to literally cater to the tastes of as many people as possible.

It’s especially disheartening to see when it’s at a time like this, when new content is about to drop, and you find in the replies of every other post/discussion at least a few people spewing hate and disgust at Sylus. Again, so many people are incredibly excited about him. Why is there a need to rain on everyone’s parade, especially in such an unsolicited manner?

This fandom originally started as a safe space for people of all races, backgrounds, genders, sexualities, and personalities to bond over our mutual love for characters. All I’ve seen on my TL lately (in terms of discussion) is negativity, and it’s such a fucking let-down. I hope whatever the fuck has happened to this fandom cools down after a bit. It’s probably exaggerated and very in-your-face rn, cause more and more people are downloading LNDS, so the probabilities of finding people being nasty are increasing. But I seriously don’t want to grow to resent this fandom and find myself distancing myself from it to protect my peace.

Let’s all remember to be kind towards other players, to not act entitled or bratty about the characters, and to try and mind our own business if we see content that doesn’t suit our tastes.

[saintjosie]

As a performer, and someone who regularly has good things to say, how have you dealt with your singing voice? I'm nonbinary, and sometimes hate how deep my voice is because it's one of the predominant reasons people misgender me. It keeps me from singing sometimes as well, even privately to songs I've loved forever (I did perform "Under the Bridge" by RHCP at a public karaoke event last year, but I can't bring myself to watch the recording of it even though everyone applauded) I guess it's a specific kind of dysphoria?

I know when it comes to voice training you've been very vocal (pun intended) about it being a choice. And I've had some voice training but as an enby I prefer my speaking voice to be either neutral or natural. But talking and singing are kinda different, so I'm just curious to get your take on feeling more confident and less bothered singing as a trans person?

when i was a kid my dad told me i sucked at singing. he was a singer and a guitar player and i looked up to him so i internalized that deeply. but i didn’t stop singing because i just loved it. it felt good to sing. i would sing along to all the disney movies. i would sing songs at church. i was that little kid who was always humming something everywhere i went because i loved music and i loved making music. i didn’t think anyone would care to hear me sing because i had been told that my singing didn’t sound good but nothing in the world was gonna stop me from enjoying it for myself.

eventually as i got older people started telling me that i actually was pretty good at it. i didn’t necessarily believe them but i at least heard it from someone else. and then i tried recording myself singing into the shitty microphone that laptops had back in 2007. and wow, it sucked. like it reaaaaally sucked. it sucked to hear myself cause i had never heard myself recorded before. it sucked to hate what i hear and feel like maybe my dad was right the whole time. and i closed the laptop and cried and went to bed.

but then the next time i opened my laptop, the recording was still there. and i realized that i had listened through about 1/4th of it before i had lost hope and on a whim, i decided to grit my teeth and listen through the whole thing. and almost all of it still sucked. BUT. for one brief moment, for only a line or two, i heard what i wanted to hear: a voice that sounded good to my ears, recorded through the shitty microphone, played through the shitty speakers.

and from that moment on, i knew that i was going to learn to sing because nothing in my life so far had compared to how i felt hearing myself for the first time sing in the way that i wanted to.

it’s been 17 years since that happened and i haven’t stopped singing because i just fuckin love it. there’s music in my soul and it’s gonna come out whether or not i want it to and whether or not it sounds good.

“but josie, this is about your love for music not about gender” no it’s about both.

when you realized that you could express your gender in the way that you already knew you felt inside, you knew it was right and you decided you were gonna fucking do it, damn whatever people say.

and that’s the thing about dysphoria and why people have such a hard time describing it to each other. dysphoria comes from when you feel like the way your gender is perceived doesn’t line up with how you want to be perceived. when i have dysphoria, it’s not because i don’t look like a woman to the people who look at me, it’s because of how i see myself.

present your gender however you want and do it for yourself. and sing your goddamn heart out because you want to. damn whatever people say.

[elliium]

it wouldnt let me type my reply to ur rant post but ngl yea mr smajor ily but pls mcc is for all players not just sbi + dteam (i for one at least think well get Blue Bats 9) & really wish Pete, Grian & Illumina teamed for vibes, that or petebomb,,,,, i miss mcc7,,,,, Mcc5 Yellow twas good call tho,,,, (it feels like mr major is like always catering to the dteam ngl, like theyve all been on teams within like their sphere???? idk how to describe it but ik u've said it before where like they dont branch out often but it feels more like that these past few mccs???? where like theyve barely teamed without each other (or like their manhunt/feral boys sphere)) & like look ngl it doesnt make me bitter towards scott it just kinda makes me bitter towards dream/sapnap/their stans that harrass scott for making him feel like he has to do this for them like im fully rambling at this point but just ngl i hope after all stars he rotates them out of the event. both if not all three (ngl still salty from like all of the recent mcc "discourse" is from dream/sapnap stans especially still salty from mcc14 ngl & the fact they still havent apologised to either H or scott publically) & idk my point anymore but yea know i get u with the teams feeling more balanced & being :l at it bc like ok i feel like a child typing this but it feels like theyve just gotten off with being bad sportsmans scott-(heh)-free idk how to end this DKJFDHGDJFGHD

!!! i agree with u!! i also think that they should be rotated out (i think every mcc player should be rotated out every few mcc’s like . not necessarily rotate driz george and sapnap at the same time but at least attempt to rotate them? not even just them, rotate everyone out it brings flavour it brings spice).

i just think that we all were very hyped for this mcc because it was advertised as “the last one for the s tiers to team up” and “all OP teams who cares about balancing” and “returning winning teams” and it feels like a lot of players/iconic teams/duos sort of got shafted whereas dream sapnap and george who team in every other mcc anyway didn’t . just feels a bit eh it doesn’t feel special and it’s not living up to what i imagined (that’s on me for …. taking what they said literally i guess? JOKING sorry that was mean i’m trying to make light of this).

but we have blue bats to look forward to and we still have like 20 other winners to be announced tomorrow and maybe tomorrows teams are so great and so amazing and we’ll sit here tomorrow night thinking wow why were we even complaining. that’s what’s going to happen. definitely. either way mcc is always fun and i love watching it anyways

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[hopeymchope]

How to Play Danganronpa S: Ultimate Summer Camp

Dangnaronpa S only barely explains how it works, and it does a pretty shitty job of doing so. I’ve been talking with people on message boards just to figure out how you progress at certain points, because you can spend literal hours on this game just doing the same thing and never seeing any obvious benefit to it. 

As such, I really felt like producing some kind of overview for the people just coming in. I’ve been feeling the game out, talking with other players about it, and progressing through it gradually, so here’s what you need to know. Or at least, here’s what I wish I’d known when I started out. 

1) Your primary goal is to complete the board game with all 60 possible characters.

For every 10 characters you put through board game “development,” you unlock a new story chapter that progresses the overall narrative. It also contains a boss fight (we’ll get to that). You must complete the board game with all 60 possible characters to unlock the complete main story of Danganronpa S: Ultimate Summer Camp. 

(If you’re wondering how long it will take to accomplish this, the popular estimate is around 40-50 hours until completion. It’s a lot.)

IMPORTANT: “Completing” the board game does NOT require that you complete any objectives IN the board game. It just means that you have to play through 50 turns on the board. You could honestly just run around in circles on the first island, never advancing, and it’d still count as “completing” the game with that character.

2) The main menu options form a feedback loop.

The main reason you play the board game - aside from just completing it with every single character - is to level up each character’s stats and skills for combat. Specifically, the combat that takes place in another mode called “Despair Tower” or “Battle.” In the Despair Tower, you earn bunches of Monocoins. You then go to the “School Store” option on the menu to spend those Monocoins, unlocking various characters and “Hype Cards” that give them stat boosts and benefits in the board game. And then you go to the board game to play with the new characters you unlock... and the cycle repeats. See? It’s designed to keep you moving from the board game/”Development” to “Battle” to “School Store” and back again.

Furthermore, whenever you unlock and then finsih a new chapter of the overarching story, you are given bonuses in the board game that will help you level up faster and progress farther. Stat multipliers, starting money, etc. And for every 20 “floors” you complete in the Despair Tower, you get early access to a grimoire/scroll that lets you progress through the board game ever faster! So again: Everything is a feedback loop.

3) All about the board game/”Development”

If you’ve played Ultimate Talent Development Plan (a.k.a. UTDP) mode in DRV3, you know the basics of how this works. You roll a die, you move around a board, and sometimes you earn “Cards” that give you special ways to move.

In addition to getting your character’s stats up, you’re going to want to obtain “Talent Fragments” as you go through the board in either game. You use Talent Fragments to unlock and level up “Skills” - which can be special methods of attack, support functions like healing/resurrecting, defensive shields, temporary character buffs, etc.

And of course, as a fan of these characters and this multiverse, you’re DEFINITELY going to want to see the events on the “Friendship” squares. These each show you a random cut scene of your character interacting with other characters from Danganronpa while on the island. You can piece together a number of story threads that connect various characters, you can see characters meet who never had a reason to do so before, you can see beloved friends having new scenes together... and don’t worry, it’s not a waste of time, either. You get big stat boosts from these interactions. :)

One of the nicest features about this game is that it makes your options very clear after each roll of the die. There are so many branching paths on this board that rolling a “five” could take you to any number of places. The game helpfully places an arrow over every square that is a possible destination after you roll. You can simply move the camera over the square you wish to move to (use the right stick to move the camera) and select it, and the game will do the pathfinding necessary to make you land there!

There are also “gifts” which you can unlock in the School Store. You can choose to apply two “gifts” at the start of any play through the board game. A “gift” is a pixelated item that gives you some kind of benefit on the board - like making you gain an extra level in strength each time you level up, or making your Shop prices go down, or increasing the frequency of monokub events, etc.

The differences between UTDP and DRS’ Board: Firstly, battles no longer take the form of a a forced “exam” that occur at set times during the game. Instea, there are now battle spaces all over the board. There are regular battles, midboss battles, and boss battles. A boss guards each grimoire/scroll, and you could call each monobeast another “boss” of a sort. Each of these battles levels up your character, obviously.

Secondly, your in-game goal while on the board is different in Danganronpa S than it was in UTDP.

A refresher: In UTDP, your main goal is to make a complete loop of the board within a specific amount of turns, thereby completing the “school years” and ultimately facing a final battle to “graduate.” Even if you fail at any task or fight, however, you still wind up with some kind of developed character that you can use in “Despair Dungeon” mode by the end.

In Danganronpa S, your main goal is to defeat all six of the monobeasts on the central island at Jabberwock Island. To do this, you must obtain one grimoire/scroll for each monobeast. Each scroll gives you the power to defeat one monobeast, and there are six total scrolls/monobeasts. You have 50 total “days” (turns) in which to take ‘em all out. For every boss and monobeast you defeat, you get a huge amount of XP and level up significantly. And since we’re trying to level up as much as we can so that we can be better fighters in the Despair Tower so that we can get more coins for the School Store so that we can play more characters in the board game... you get the idea. It’s obviously beneficial to complete as much of the mission to defeat the six monobeasts as you can within 50 turns.

Wait, where are the island bosses who have the grimoires/scrolls?

They’re all found in locations that are significant to the murders/deaths in each chapter of Danganronpa 2. That should be enough information to get you there.

But I can’t finish the game in 50 turns!

Yeah, it’s nearly impossible to pull that off until you get at least the first stat multiplier that you unlock after 10 characters. And as I said up top: There are bonuses obtained for every 10 characters that get you through the board faster, and there are MORE bonuses for every 20 floors you finish in the Despair Tower. You’re going to level up faster and faster with time, and after a while you’ll be flying through the quest to kill all the monobeasts. Hang in there.

Actually, it’s gotten pretty easy for me to finish the game in less than 50 turns by now.

Great! Your NEW goal is to reach Level 99 with your character. Doing THAT will unlock secret additional challenges in the board game...

4) All about Despair Tower/”Battle”

In DRV3, “Despair Dungeon” mode had you descending through the floors on a quest to reach the very bottom, traipsing over maps with random battles and finding treasure chests.

In Danganronpa S’ “Despair Tower”, there is no map to walk around and no treasure chests to find. It’s JUST the RPG-style turn-based battles now. Each floor has three waves of monsters to defeat in turn-based battle.

Just like “Despair Dungeon”, you can bring in a party of four characters who you developed and granted “Skills” over in the board game. There are Athletic characters (coded red) who are best with physical attacks, Cerebral characters (coded blue) who specialize in “magic” elemental attacks, and Balanced characters (coded green) who can do pretty okay with either attack method.

Also, you’ll notice that each floor has a set of three “challenges.” Complete them all and you get bonus monocoins, which is the primary reason you’re in this mode in the first place. The higher you go in the tower, the more of the rarer monocoins you’ll be able to collect.

Wait, how come I don’t have the equipment I bought in the Shops on the game board?

Sorry - that equipment only applies to the board game. To get equipment such as weapons and armor for the Despair Tower, you have to craft it using the materials that the monsters drop. (Look for the option to “Create” whenever you’re on the screen where you put together your party.)

I can’t accomplish this challenge/defeat this battle...

That’s a sign that it’s time to return to the board game for some new, stronger characters. :)

5) All about the School Store

This is where you unlock characters as well as their applicable “Hype Cards.”

Each character comes in four tiers - N, R, S, and U. Higher tiers offer bigger multipliers when obtaining Talent Fragments and also can develop/use more skills that you make with those fragments. Obviously, U-ranked is the best and can have the most skills, and N is the lowest tier and can use only one or two skills.

Be forewarned: Some Friendship events in Development mode are ONLY available to you when you are using S or U-ranked cards.

Hype cards are character-specific bonuses that provide the given character with boosts to their performance in the board game, helping you to level up faster and more efficiently. The best of these hype cards are denoted as “WR” rank. .....and I don’t know why.

There are four machines in the School Store which dispense the cards.

The vending machine is for microtransactions. You can use actual money to unlock any character card or hype card you choose. Not much to say here.

The regular MonoMono Machine takes standard silver Monocoins. This machine has a high probability of giving you “N” or “R”-ranked character cards.

The Golden MonoMono Machines takes the rarest currency of the three - golden monocoins. This machine has a high probability of giving you “S” or “U”-ranked character cards as well as “WR” Hype cards

The MonoMono “Yachine” takes pink Monomicoins. You usually unlock these coins by getting “achievements” elsewhere in the game. (The “Usami Flower’ option on the main menu screen will show you a green exclamation point symbol whenever you have reached an achievement and can enter to pick up some bonuses.) This machine has a high probability of giving you hype cards, “gifts” (which are items that provide benefits within the Development board game) and “S”-ranked character cards.

So wait, am I going to need to spend money on microtransactions to progress?

I honestly thought so at first, and I felt pretty salty about it. But as it turns out, I’m earning character cards of a totally workable level (”S” and “U” rank) at a decent enough rate that my progress through the other modes has never been hindered. In fact, I actually did spend 99 cents when I started the game to unlock some U-ranked character cards right out of the gate... and I didn’t really benefit from doing so. At least not initially.

I hadn’t unlocked any stat multipliers yet, so the rank of my character cards didn’t matter much. I was still only able to level up to around Level 50, and I still wasn’t producing very strong fighters. If you’re going to use the microtransactions at all, it’s better to wait and use them when you can benefit more.

The main reason to use the microtransaction feature is just to get access to a U-ranked character card at a time of your own choosing. Otherwise, you’re at the whimsy of the random machine rolls, forcing you to play with whoever you happen to unlock. Thankfully, once you earn a character card, you’ll never get a duplicate again - it drops out of the rotation, thereby increasing your chances of getting the ones that remain. Because of this, just keep bouncing between Development and Battle modes and you will INEVITABLY get everyone even if you don’t spend any money on microtransactions.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s pretty much the rundown. There are more details, of course — you can find out exactly what you get for bumping into any character on the board by scrolling down to the Card/Effect/Obtained From table on this wiki page, for one thing.

I really hope the fandom manages to benefit from this explanation. Have fun, everybody!

[yslkook]

good years (1)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: you arrive at hobi’s birthday party, along with some of your other friends. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: alcohol, cursing, excessive use of pet names...bc its me

Being late to events, especially events in honor of your friends, was your least favorite thing. Punctuality was one of your top three favorite things about yourself, and yet here you were- nearly sprinting through the streets in heels because you were an idiot and had gotten the name of the bar wrong.

Instead of the Silver Spoon, you’d ended up at the Silver Tongue. That’s what happens when you don’t check your text messages for confirmation and operate on autopilot. So now, you were about an hour and a half late (as if the absence of the birthday boy and his merry band of friends at the Silver Spoon didn’t tell you enough).

Oh well. 

By the time you arrive about twelve blocks away to the Silver Spoon, you quickly make sure that not a hair is out of place before walking into the bar to try to blend in, as if you’d been there the whole time.

“Hobi!” You chirp, finding your friend in the middle of all of the chaos, “Happy birthday, Hobi-”

Hobi turns to greet you, a big (drunk) smile plastered across his face. “You’re late! Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Well, I-uh, this is gonna sound dumb, but-”

You’re interrupted by a few of the guys walking into the bar, causing a ruckus and nearly screeching Hobi’s name. At least you’re not the only one who’s late. And you quickly see Sora in your line of sight, entering in behind the guys.

Sora, your best friend of several years since college. She’s been with you since the beginning, taking you under her wing when you were both young and in college. She had brought you out of your shell a bit, inviting you to parties and inviting you to have dinner with her in the dining hall. The slow convenience of college had blossomed into something real, something that could stand the test of time- also known as the test of post-graduate life.

Her friendship was an adventure to say the least.

“Hey,” You beam at her with drinks for both of you in your hands, “Fancy seeing you here-”

“Hey,” She grins, pulling you in for a hug, “Work was so shitty, like, I had to stay late today. Of all days! I can’t wait to have a fuckin’ drink.”

“Yeah, here’s something funny-” But your words are cut off yet again, by the arrival of more friends. It looks like Sora had invited some of her own friends, friends that you weren’t quite sure liked you very much.

But you don’t dwell on that, instead sipping on your drink and settling on people watching. Settings like this unnerve you- being in a place where you’re not quite friendly with everyone in attendance makes you feel self-conscious. It’s easier to just stay in the background, blend into the walls, so as to not upset yourself-

“Hey, you,” Comes a familiar voice to your right. It’s Yoongi, one of your fellow people watcher enthusiasts. He stands next to you, shoulder brushing against yours.

“Hey, you,” You repeat, flashing him a smile and a playful shove to his shoulder, “How have you been? It’s been a while, Yoongi.”

“You’re the one who’s been hiding,” Yoongi teases, “All cooped up at home.”

“So have you! In your studio,” You protest, poking his shoulder.

“I guess I can’t argue there.”

“No, you really can’t,” You say, “So tell me then, what’s new? What’s coming out of the studio these days?”

You enjoy hearing him speak, the way his passion for his craft pouring through his words. He invites you (again) to stop by the studio if you ever want to. You promise to stop by soon, with his favorite snacks. You usually try to stop by his studio at least once a month to catch up with him. He’s also one of your oldest friends, along with Hobi.

“Hey,” Comes another voice to your left this time. It’s a voice you definitely recognize, a voice that makes you tense up immediately.

Jeon Jungkook has always had a way of making you stammer over your words, ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to him years ago. He’s tall, nearly always dressed in all black, tattoos and piercings coloring his frame, and something sweet and sinful swirls in his dark eyes.

You don’t know if it’s a look that is reserved for you or if he looks at everyone like this, but honestly, your brain short circuits every time he glances your way.

“H-hi,” You mumble, taking a sip of your drink to ease your jumpy nerves. Jungkook only grins at you, his bunny smile a stark contrast to the rest of his aura.

“Been a while, huh?” Jungkook says, voice smooth and sweet like molasses. 

“Y-yeah, been busy,” You mutter. You watch in mild panic as Yoongi walks away, being called away by Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Missed you, baby,” Jungkook winks at you. Somehow, he always gravitates to you at these types of events. Not that you’ll particularly complain- his attention makes you feel warm, even if it’s all for jokes and fun.

As Sora repeatedly has told you.

According to her, he’s the worst- a player, a fuckboy (when he was apparently too old to be one, her words not yours) and this is how he treats any pretty girl. So you don’t take it too seriously, only indulging him a bit and keeping him out of your periphery.

But you won’t deny that his recent use of the pet name might make you swoon a little bit.

“Oh, stop,” You wave him off with heat rising in your cheeks. And he knows it, too, from the self-assured smirk he throws you.

“How’s work been? They got you crunching numbers and all that?” Jungkook asks, ordering himself a beer and a drink for you.

“That’s literally my job, but right now, we just got access to a new database so I’m excited to see what kinds of visualizations and insights we can bring forward. We’re moving forward to proactive analysis, but you know, we’re still a ways away from that, we still react to problems so reactively. Like we’re just putting out fires all the time, it’s kinda tiring but I’m excited-” You cut yourself off at your rambling, sheepishly laughing, “Oh, you should’ve stopped me. I know it’s boring.”

“It’s not boring, not if it’s important to you,” Jungkook shrugs, “Besides, I like hearing you talk.”

“Really? You really wanna hear about the latest and greatest happening in the data world?”

“I wanna hear about anything you have to say, baby,” Jungkook says easily. You squeeze your drink in your hand tightly to ground yourself.

This is why he intimidates you- his affections have only increased in the last few months. It’s like he’s playing a game with you, trying to see how long it takes for you to crack. You don’t know how sincere he is when he turns the charm on- is this how he talks to everyone, or is it just you? 

You like to think it’s just you (because you at least dare to call him a friend of yours), but he could get anyone he sets his eyes on. Rather than spiralling down that train of thought, you bask in his flirtations, his gentle affections hidden under his very many layers of black.

Before you can reply to ask him about the tattoo parlor and about his newly purchased motorcycle, Sora interrupts you both. You’re oblivious to the deadly glare that Jungkook shoots her, and the glare that she shoots right back at him.

She whisks you away, an arm tight around your shoulders. You turn your head and look back at Jungkook apologetically.

This is how it always is, especially for the last few months. As soon as Sora sees Jungkook and you speaking, she’ll immediately do anything to intervene. It’s fucking annoying and Jungkook is beginning to dislike Sora more and more each time he has the misfortune of coming in contact with her. He doesn’t really care about whatever personal vendetta your best friend has for him.

He’s always thought Sora was a conniving woman, full of manipulation and tricks up her sleeve. Ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to their friend group (and you had brought Sora along as well). His instincts are hardly ever wrong, but he hates to see you spiral with her.

But he’s powerless to stop you from walking away from him. Yet again.

tags: @kookdbean​

[projectcaramel]

Fridge Monster (1) - Obey Me! Beelzebub

“Again?” I heard Mammon groan from behind me, and when I glanced over, it was to see that he’d turned up empty handed on a forage for one of his ramen cups. “Dammit, I was really hungry too,” he muttered. 

“This is why I drink coffee,” I replied as I stirred my iced black coffee, and Mammon looked at it with disgust. 

“There’s something wrong with you.” I gave him a dismissive motion even as I raised the brew to my lips, the familiar bitterness sweeping through my mouth as I walked away from the counter. Still, Beel was really becoming a problem lately. As far as I’d calculated, Beel needed about 10 meals worth of food every day—minimum—ideally dispersed throughout so that he didn’t start destroying things. 

Once, I asked Lucifer about the budget for the House of Lamentation, and he informed me that sometimes, it was very difficult to cover all of the family’s expenses (although he did end that remark with a particular jab at Mammon, who had started a new business venture that week). 

“Candice, about the matter we talked about earlier...” Speak of the devil. I glanced at the black-haired male as I carried my coffee back to my room, about to fill out my work for my Technical Sorcery class.

“Sorry, I don’t have anything for you yet,” I replied with a twisted smile. “I’m still trying to figure out if there’s a place in the world where we could hide food where Beel can’t find it.”

“That’s what I thought,” Lucifer sighed, and I watched his eyes linger on my cup of coffee, but he didn’t say anything. “Well, please continue with your work, if you would...” 

“Yeah. Oh, and I sent you a link for the new crystal nodes on Akuzon. They should be compatible with your enchantments after I calibrate them.” 

“Just mine?” 

“I can change the permissions if you need me to,” I replied with a shrug, and for a moment, Lucifer just shook his head and smiled. 

“Is there something you want?” 

“IOS.” Lucifer sighed. 

“I thought you’d say that. Fine. I’ll schedule an appointment for you with Dr. Necry; she’ll probably be able to take you this Saturday.” 

“Finally,” I half-grumbled as I walked into my room. “I’ll be able to say goodbye to these shitty glasses.”   

— 

It isn’t that I hate Beel. 

“YES!” The orange-haired male stood up, jumping up and down with fire in his eyes as he watched the players on the field winning. At least I assumed they were winning; I can’t say I was paying attention. The only reason I was here was because I was being nice towards a housemate. Otherwise, I’d never come to these pointless events. 

Right now, the House of Lamentation cheered for Beel’s team, and I guess it was something important since Asmo had forced me to wear the exact shade of red that Beel and the others were wearing. A team color, I guess. 

Yeah, it’s typical, but I’ve never cared about sports. I care for jocks even less. Again, it’s not like I hate him, but, well... I can’t say I like him either. I don’t mix well with those types. 

“Candice, did you see that?” I glanced up from my D.D.D. to see the orange-haired male sparkling in sweat with shining eyes. “Wasn’t that an amazing game!? I’m still buzzing!” I half-wondered if I should just bluntly tell him I didn’t care whether he threw the ball through a hoop, into a goal or through a wall, but I was nice enough to just smile and nod my head. Sometimes I hate having tact. “Hendy really pushed us there, but then Persephone was just brilliant with...” You think I care about hearing about other people’s physical prowess? I had to bite my tongue to resist saying that as I mindlessly endured Beel talking about the sport. I just wanted to play sokoban in peace, dammit. 

“Yeah, that’s great. So, I have to head out,” I finally interrupted, and I walked off alone. Or tried to. 

“Don’t you want to eat with us?” Beel asked despairingly. “It’s my thanks to you guys for supporting me.”

“I’ll just drink some coffee,” I replied, making a dismissive gesture. 

“Coffee? Again? When do you eat?” 

“Breakfast,” I replied after a moment. Frequently, that was my only meal of the day, and I was usually too busy with other things to notice I was hungry. 

“That’s not healthy,” Beel protested further. “Come on; it’s my treat. We’ll eat something good, I promise.” 

“Hell’s Kitchen?” I guessed. 

“Yeah, but they have a special today! Sunset Peril Curry!” 

“...fine,” I replied at several dirty looks from his older brothers. Apparently, I wasn’t allowed to skip. I didn’t particularly like curry either. 

— 

“IOS?” Beel asked, even as he gulped an entire bowl of soup in 2 seconds flat. I picked at the flaming sauce on my plate with distaste, wondering if it would give me heartburn or just sear my entire mouth. 

“Incanter Ocular Surgery,” I replied, even as I took off my accursed glasses and polished them on my shirt. That tiny hair hadn’t come off because it was stuck inside the frame. Son of a... “I’ll be saying goodbye to these nerdy glasses.” 

 “Eh? Why?” For a moment, I looked at Beelzebub blankly, not understanding. 

“...because... they’re nerdy?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Wasn’t that sentence self-explanatory? “I don’t want to wear glasses my entire life. People already think I’m a nerd without the Poindexter glasses to match.” 

“That’s why you’re getting surgery?” Beel asked again, and I found the question beginning to test my patience. 

“Yes, Beel, that’s why I’m getting surgery,” I replied. 

“But... you look just fine with glasses...” 

Just hearing him say that nearly set me off. Maybe it was an extreme reaction, but I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I guess I have a complex about my glasses, and I don’t really remember when it started. Perpetuating the old-school stereotype aside, I was made fun of. I could never forget the number of times I’ve had to explain that neither of my eyes developed properly, so I’m legally blind without strong glasses. Maybe I just hate the fact that I have a birth defect and that people draw attention to it because I wear glasses. 

I guess it doesn’t help that I remember some asshole telling me I looked good in glasses because the glare reflected off them covered up the fact that my eyes weren’t exactly symmetrical. 

When I came back out of the bathroom, having splashed my face with some cold water, I came out to discover Beel waiting for me. 

“What?” 

“Um, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." 

"Heh?" That was the first thing that came out of my mouth. I hadn't really expected him to pick up on the fact that he'd upset me. 

"I really do think you look fine with glasses," he said earnestly. "But I don't think you wouldn't look fine without them. What I'm trying to say is....you'll always be Candice no matter what." 

Hah. I must be ill, considering my heart just jittered inside my chest. 

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Beel," I replied before I smiled at him crookedly. Well, he may have been a jock, but at least he wasn't an asshole.

Next >>

[rumbleonthemill]

I'm once again back from the dead, just to push this post up in the ass of haters and members of the tumblr cancel culture (quote from my friend)

I'm only reacting on the pedo part, everything else is my own fucking business.

I've got a message from a friend at the worst time possible, to say the least. I was once again shittalked behind my back and called a p€dophile along with the 90% of the old, first generation Hello neighbor fandom.

//Still can't believe how toxic some of you are, and some people even smiled to my face, then stabbed me in the back... I don't need your fucking likes, go and unlike my posts, NOW. You have time, I see! @loszeged looking at you, i did see your comment.//

Friends who accidentally read this, pardon my words, I'll get to that later. I'm just so tired.

I'm once again and for the last time stating for literal idiots, like @da-radio-starz and yes, even attempting to tag them, even though I'm blocked; I'm not a rat to shittalk people behind their back ((also..I do not know you, can you fucking move on and get a life?! Just get the fuck out of my blog, you toxic hater))

I personally NEVER shipped anything that involves a kid and an adult. Never. Never in life.

I don't ship shit like that.

Congrats for STEALING drawings* and putting them on your shitty instagram powerpoint document! Without asking people's permission if you can use them! Who's guilty now, bitch?:D

((correction; they stole other artists' drawings, mine were stolen by an amino fan. Still, using pics without permission))

You're making your own AU's..and you don't allow others to have their own? Laughing my ass off.

I have exactly zero respect towards people, who behave like that. Toxic and abusive. Can't fucking move on from things you hate..sicko.

And this person was talking about abuse..

I have* (*had!) my own reasons to ship this ship. I'm still having good memories about Neighbor x Player, even if your cancel culture is trying to ruin it. I made good friends, we shared ideas, we were creative. For me, the active shipping lasted for like....two months. Then I left tumblr, where people had ➡️no idea ⬅️about the father and son storyline, when the ship was born((the father son things is why I'll forever respect the creators. They created something more, something above the fandom. A story that is perfect and acceptable for everyone. Respect. That's why I stopped actively shipping them. Some people didn't, despite knowing this fact. Just saying. And once again; AU stories exist. It's a FANdom)) back then, for tumblr: It was two grown men, one house, chasing. No relation. That's the plot of 100% of the fanfics. Before you shit on people, at least do some research, bitch?

I had friends who also shipped them, for longer than me. I support my friends, I'm not telling them what to ship and what not. End of story.

I always kept myself away from people who may have shipped them in the mentioned unhealthy way, that's.. Not an option. But I can tell this 100 times, toxic idiots like you won't understand. Skill issues.

😸

And now the reason why I want to k✝️ll myself aka commit $uicide, before any of you connect these events together. I'm going to tell, even though it's not your fucking business, what I submit on my tumblr, is my own, subjective thing. If you keep visiting me, despite blocking, then you have big problems, kid. Go get therapy.

Especially, because it's been seven years since real life shit is on my back and I'm trying to smile, while I just really can't. I've been diagnosed with depression, which reached it's final state last year. I'm perhaps past attempts to end my own career on earth. 98% of my depression can be thanked to real life events.

Go on with reading, bitch! You literally shit time, based on this behavior.

Obviously the bitch part is for the haters.

The reason I have left the community is nothing, but people's toxic behavior. Your bitch ass hate on us was just cherry on top.

Remi once shipped two grown men who had zero relation in her stories and fanarts?! Call 9 fucking 11 motherfucker!

Where I live, you can't get psychologist, who may cure whatever you have. I'll once again say, I have depression. Just depression. I tried to ask for help, I'm past seven people who have PHD in psychology, some were even crazier than I ever was. I'm as crazy as Neighbor in the games. Literally not. It's actually hilarious. And during that time I didn't ✂ myself and didn't want to end the fight. These come before the final level of depression.

In short; I was completely left alone, abused and bullied by family members (still current) unable to find a job despite having multiple diplomas, shit like that. Being no hope in the world, I'm more capable of having retuning $uicidal depression. And yes, it returns whenever I'm feeling down.

You know, if maybe you weren't hating on others and you were listening to the REAL plot of HN, then you wouldn't see Neighbor as the son of Hitler and Stalin, by the way. Because some people's views on Neighbor is just hilarious. You're missing the main message of the game.

Side note, I'm against dictatures, before you find another thing to bully me for.

I hope you're now happy that you're literally kicking people who are already laying on the floor. Congratulations to everyone, who's teaming up with you and being toxic, abusive and shittalking others, and supporting them against people, who did nothing wrong, only liked something and were passionate about it. From my point, I can safely say I played by the rules. No p€dophilia, no incest.

I hope one day you'll get your ass up from your chair and stop bullying others for what they like. Also learn to block people and ignore what you don't like. I keep doing this for years! It's absolutely a thing that can be completed.

To my friends: thanks for reading?

To bullies and toxic people: lick my ass. I'm so fucking tired of having this in literally every fandom nowadays. You bitches are sick and shitting time. Mind your own fucking business.

Ps- I won't write more posts in the topic. Go and fucking argue with yourself. I'm done. I have a little left to live perhaps. Go and hate on yourself.

[ask-purpled-and-blued]

Crimsoned

Honestly? This could’ve turned out a whole lot worse.

Really, it all started with the invitation. He knew Dream decently well and they had mutual respect. Why would Purpled not check out his server? Especially when people were making content and making connections there.

Personal and some business. Win-win.

—

He accepted the invite to the SMP and intended to make an impact. Built a super cool base, got decently stacked, tamed some dogs. He even got to make some friends.

So what if he was a bit out of the loop sometimes. He’d show up to back up his friends when they needed it. He’d stand up to anyone trying to trick him or make him the butt of their joke. He’d be a good samaritan and help people out from time to time. He didn’t need much more than a thank you and some iron.

It’s also just easier to “borrow” things if he doesn’t come to mind easily.

—

Sure, missing huge events sucks.

He leaves the server for one (1) day to have lunch with some friends and his communicator is blowing up with the SMP’s open chat and VCs.

By the time he makes it back, the fighting’s being settled with a duel before anyone even tells him what the stakes are. It’s frustrating to have his dms and voice call attempts ignored in the aftermath, but he gets it. It’s fine.

It’s also fine when he finds out about the new country and they don’t let him join. Being neutral’s suited him so far and even if the thought was nice, he’s only on speaking terms with like three people there. It’d be awkward and he’d rather not insist on that.

So he flies solo for a bit. Just his dogs, sometimes Ponk, and his bedwars squad.

He builds, he mines, he breaks beds. Life goes on.

Then he gets another invitation. Hand-written by Tubbo.

There’s a festival. And honestly he wasn’t expecting to even be invited. Things were sort of tense between everyone else at the moment, he wasn’t sure if he should even show up to a large event in unfamiliar territory.

...

Fuck it, he has pearls. Tubbo’s giving a speech and it’s been forever since they’ve talked. Maybe they’ll have some time to catch up before spats inevitably break out and emotions boil over. Then he can pearl out and check off his monthly human interaction quota.

A safe plan that goes not at all to plan.

Tubbo walls off to talk to someone away from everyone else. Schlatt pulls the twist of a lifetime. Technoblade was apparently on this server and killed Tubbo in front of everyone.

At least the speech was nice. He’d tell Tubbo that if he hadn’t just gone into auto pilot and killed Tommy because someone yelled to.

He, he should probably get home. Dogchamp was still waiting for him.

Yeah, he’ll do that.

—

It’s odd.

After this long doing mindless busy work on the server and grinding bedwars, he’s almost in shock when someone turns up on his cabin doorstep.

Karl, apparently. He’s asking if Purpled would like to help Dream and Schlatt defend Manberg. Offers up a shield.

And Purpled’s indecisive about it.

He takes the shield, accepts and promises he’ll be ready. But then turns around and starts wondering who he should be loyal to.

He’s been neutral this whole time. It would’ve been so easy to just turn Karl down and bite back if they tried to force him to help them.

But he hasn’t seen anyone on this server in ages. Hasn’t sat down and had a chat for even longer. What did Manberg stand for? Why was it being attacked? Who did he just ally with? Who would he be fighting?

He has no details and Karl and Schlatt have offered him none. Dream’s dm to stay away from Manberg is pretty pointless now, considering he’s already signed up for whatever this is.

It takes him until after the first shots are fired, but he’s made his choice.

He sides with L’Manberg’s people and hopes it doesn’t bite him.

It’s a win until it isn’t. He’s glad his pearl reflexes are still up to snuff, otherwise he would’ve been done for for sure.

He witnesses a murder and says nothing about it. Kills a wither and pockets its star. Watched Technoblade threaten some children.

Maybe it’d be best to stay away from anything government-related for the time being.

—

New era, new home!

He’s got a really cool base idea in mind and he’s tested out the basics of the redstone on a pocket single-player world.

He terraforms, builds, and adjusts things until the sun goes down. And even then he keeps busy.

Farming, building, bedwars. He hasn’t seen anyone in a while-

There’s a dirt platform.

There’s an ugly fucking dirt platform that’s right over his cove. And apparently it’s a whole other country right over his home.

He wonders if it’d be worth calling up those anarchists in the woods about it.

He decides to just leave and hope it goes away.

—

He spends a lot of time away after that. Recharges in the company of friends and even takes a break from the grind too. It’s just him in Hypixel Housing with his dogs having a little vacation.

—

He comes back to the server with a lot of energy and a need to use it.

Calls up Ponk about a new business venture.

Real estate.

During his time away he had plenty of time to think about the server and distance himself from it to do so.

People value their stuff so much.

Their pets, their disks, their builds. They well and truly care about them all.

One thing they don’t really care about is the land.

It gets blown up by creepers and burnt out ex-politicians. It’s fought over, sure, but so was a goddamn cow. People will take any excuse for violence on this server.

But the point is that land claims are very valuable and very subjective. No one’s writing up deeds by the coordinate, and he and Ponk will take advantage of that.

—

It could’ve gone worse.

They technically won that duel. Antfrost owes them iron now. Scam successful.

But it raised a lot of issues.

How are they going to handle people who they can’t overpower? Can they use the law angle without getting targeted by Technoblade? How big do they want this scheme to get? How are they going to sustain it?

There are so many complications he didn’t think about before going into it. He doesn’t regret any of it, but damn he wishes he’d planned for contingencies.

Like what to do when Ant’s ally, BadBoyHalo, comes walking up to him and asks if he’d like to see something cool.

He wants to say no. He is probably going to be lured into a room and spawn trapped by the Badlands until he agrees that Ant doesn’t owe anything.

Or maybe he watches too many movies.

Regardless, Bad is over a foot taller than him and hunts Dream down on the side for fun and the content. Purpled is not in a position to resist, PvP experience means jack shit right now.

So he follows Bad to the spawner and down some more stairs.

—

Alright, he’d take the spawn trapping over whatever this situation is. This is actual horror movie shit.

There’s an egg and apparently it’s the source of all the shit that’s growing on the surface right now and Purpled does not want to be this close to it. He’s seen the alien horror movies he knows that thing has bad vibes and it’s totally gonna-

...

It’s gonna make a terrifying amount of sense.

No, no no no no. No!

He is not about to get mentally and emotionally and morally dissected by a fucking egg. He wants no part in this. He doesn’t wanna be here. This is all crazy and this egg can’t do any of those things!

He doesn’t care that Badboyhalo would probably yeet him across the room. He’s struggling and trying not to hyperventilate because the air in here is fucking disgusting and he doesn’t want that shit in his lungs.

He tells Bad he hates this and that he’s weird and crazy and that the egg’s going to ruin everything and leave nothing behind.

...

Yeah, fat fucking chance of that. The egg just wants to take over everything and spread all over the place, it doesn’t actually care about any of them. Bad is being played like a fool and whatever it offered him it won’t give him.

...

It can’t give it to him. It is a fucking egg.

That’s not even what Purpled wants! No amount of wealth is gonna make him ever tolerate this mess.

...

No.

If Bad or any of the egg’s other puppets even look at Dogchamp, Purpled will TNT Machine every chunk on this goddamn server to bedrock.

L’Manberg will look like a creeper hole in comparison.

...

Bet. Think it’s a bluff, Purpled has a surplus of sand already. He just needs to cut a deal with someone for the gunpowder and he’ll be set.

...

This is getting no one anywhere. Purpled refuses to be a part of this fucking cult and the egg can’t make him.

Why not just let him go and try again elsewhere?

...

That wasn’t a challenge. It was a statement. A fact, if you would.

...

He’s not trembling, it’s just hot in here. He has no reason to be scared of an egg.

This is a waste of time and they should just all pretend it didn’t happen.

...

He’s not scared- he just-

It’s hard to breathe, how can Bad stand it? It’s so hot and humid and miserable.

It’s not hyperventilating, it’s Purpled trying to regulate his breathing.

The egg’s seeing things. This isn’t working. It’s a waste of time. They might as well just let him go.

He’s never going to bend to the will of an egg.

...

How is it not bending to it’s will if it demands obedience and compliance? Is the egg stupid? Is that why it still insists on keeping him here?

Purpled’s not going to help an egg cover the server in its gross ass vines. Not now, not ever.

...

Obsidian walls won’t make this work any better.

...

It really won’t.

...

It’s not- Are they even still there?

The egg can’t move, but Bad is definitely not here. He’d be all loud and annoying about it.

...

Purpled does not miss Bad. Not when he’s being a creepy cult member.

He’s hardly better at conversation than the egg itself. It makes no difference whether he’s left or not.

...

That’s just fucking rude. Purpled’s not even gonna humor that one.

“Does it matter if you’re gone?” What a fucking joke.

...

This is just his life now, isn’t it? Stuck in this hole because an egg’s being a stubborn loser about having a shitty pitch.

...

That pitch was absolutely shitty.

Not in any way persuasive. Purpled’s honestly surprised the egg even has Bad with how terrible its tactics are.

...

Oh haha. Asking the captive for tips on how to better indoctrinate captives. Yeah, sure!

...

That’s not even his area of expertise. All he knows is math, bedwars, and now a bunch of loopholes.

...

It wants to talk real estate? Why on God’s green earth should Purpled open himself to conversation with this thing?

...

It did work. It totally worked.

...

The egg’s approach was worse! And no Purpled will not explain why!

...

Why does the egg even want this SMP? The land’s all gone to shit anyways and it’s constantly getting wrecked.

...

It’s serious? It is 100% serious about this right now?

...

Fuck. That’s-

...

Purpled still doesn’t want a part in this. He just wants hang out with his friends and not deal with this server’s bullshit anymore.

...

That’s fair but also the egg makes people lamer. Having egg friends is worse than not having friends.

...

That’s. Well, he could do that. Have the egg and also not have friends. Have a part in taking all that land and be able to make the most of it. Be able to-

Nope, pump the breaks. Nuh uh.

...

Shouldn’t have given it that much shit about its approach then. Purpled has to concede that much at this point.

...

Even if it seems inevitable at this point, the egg shouldn’t get ahead of itself.

There’s always the chance that someone busts in right now and pulls Purpled out before he loses the rest of his sanity down here choking on humid, tainted air. That someone will notice he’s missing without having left the server and they’ll go looking.

...

Yeah, it was a weak hope.

—

It could’ve been so much worse.

But there’s still time to make it even worse.

He’s got a base no one ever checks that has sewer access. It’d be the most use he ever got out of Area 51 and it’d be hella ironic.

They can plant more vines in there or even move the egg itself in there to keep it safe. It doesn’t seem like a very good idea to have it where people with ill intent can fuck with it.

There are places on the server where no one goes or walks by. They can plant more there and let it run as wild as it pleases.

If they’re strategic about their placement, they can take over so much of the land. The people in it can be converted after.

He didn’t want to be here and on some level he probably still doesn’t.

But he’s not one to half ass things.

He didn’t want to be here and neither will anyone else they’re going to convert.

He can’t bring himself to care anymore.

The egg’s easier. As much as he hates giving up, why was he even really trying? What was worth resisting for?

He remembers, but it doesn’t seem all that worth it anymore.

Maybe it never was.

[keyofjetwolf]

What was your first?

So a horse walks into a rehab and says “ouch”. And not a lot. Then a great deal. While also saying nothing. It’s BoJack, in rehab, and going about as well as you might think!

“The Stopped Show” may not have been much about BoJack, but “A Horse Walks Into A Rehab” makes up for it by being 99.9% BoJack, setting aside the brief appearance of the other characters to set their stages for when we get back to them. Diane’s in a shitty motel, Todd’s in a seedy alleyway, Princess Caroline has her porcupine baby, and Mr. Peanutbutter continues to deliver cheer while everything around him burns AND drowns. I’ve now touched base with them about as much as the season premier, and we’ll get busy ignoring them.

As I said, BoJack is the star today, and we continue his quest for ... what, exactly?

Trying to pin it down, that “what is BoJack looking for” question, it’s a lot harder to answer than I expected, which marks another instance of me fucking myself, GOOD JOB ME.

I initially said “punishment”, but that isn’t true, or a least, is too easy. BoJack wants accountability for his actions -- which is a very different thing than punishment -- but he wants it in a way that also absolves him from having to do any work to rise above it. So you’d think he’d love this, the constant claim in rehab that he’s powerless. It seems like the answer to everything, a blanket pass to excuse his behaviour because he’s powerless. Why doesn’t he? I’m not sure I’m entirely clicking with the heart of that, so come with me as I have a poke at it.

For one, I doubt very much rehab would begin and end with “you’re powerless, oh well”. Addiction is some nasty business, but in and of itself, it’s a symptom, not the problem. That in mind, we swing back then to BoJack having to put in the work, only now it’s with the removal of his favourite coping mechanisms.

I think what he was hoping to get out of rehab was more along the lines of “Vodka is a naughty irresistible siren who topples even the most noble of men, but if you cross your eyes and click your heels, you’ll be free from her spell forevermore.” And yeah, no.

I think we get some of that in how, for a while, rehab seems to suit BoJack.

To the point I very specifically said to Doc as I was watching this, “Oh shit, did BoJack just become even MORE insufferable?” He’s okay so long as he has the comfort of the scripts and the regimented plant therapy and the same hike every day. When he starts to get fucked is when he has push further, when he has to work harder, when the treatment demands MORE.

“I notice you tend to deflect when I ask you about the source of your addiction,” his therapist says, causing BoJack to immediately deflect, first with a joke and then, when that doesn’t work, attacking the entire system. Getting to the root of his problem is the last thing BoJack wants, to the point where the entire episode ITSELF is one giant deflection. I made a joke in passing up there about our passing moments with each of the other main characters, but that’s actually it, that’s the heart of this episode.

Each of these are efforts by the episode to deflect what’s going on NOW, tempting us with something shiny and interesting, if only we’d take the bait. I ONLY JUST MADE THIS CONNECTION WELL FUCKING DONE SHOW

And of course, there’s Jameson’s story, which is part deflection, part contrast. She’s intended to appear at first like someone BoJack can relate to, a Sara Lynn Pt. 2 that he wants to save and in whom he sees so much of himself. In equal parts, he’s the adult trying to guide her and the force enabling her, and I’d have to do a bit more thinking on whether I thought his success with her was about him walking both sides of that line, or Jameson just, at the end of the day, being lucky. Either way, it’s also not really about her, so much as BoJack talking a really good game at her, while giving her all the tools to make the worst choices.

Which is, I think, where the episode finally settles. BoJack’s choices have been his own, but they aren’t made in isolation. Throughout this episode, we get moments, presented in reverse chronological order, that could on their own answer that key question: When was the first time you drank?

To settle your nerves to get through a scene everyone was counting on you to nail?

To fit in with the cool kids at high school?

To win your father’s approval?

What’s brilliant to me about each of these flashbacks is that the further into the past we go, the more willing we are to absolve BoJack. In the first, he’s a professional actor required to kiss an attractive and consenting fellow professional in the course of a performance. Nervous? Makes total sense. Getting plastered to do it? LESS SENSE.

The high school one is the most damning, which I adore. BoJack’s the butt of some light bullying by the jock, and I don’t mean to completely dismiss that it sucks, but the remainder of events before he starts in on the beers shows he’s hardly an absolute social pariah. And even if he were, once he begins to drink, BoJack doesn’t just become the life of the party, he becomes cruel (demonstrating quite well that jokes aren’t his only tool of deflection). Worse, that he KNOWS he’s doing it, but cares more about his positive attention than their negative. Still, BoJack’s a kid and peer pressure is a hell of a thing. This isn’t a good look, but it’s also not damning, if he’d come to learn from it. 

Now we jump the line to, I’d guess, ten or eleven year old BoJack, who walks in on his father having an affair with his secretary, but too young to recognize what he’s seen. Butterscotch can’t take the risk though, so he effortlessly manipulates little BoJack into getting drunk and passing out, then uses BoJack’s shame about it to keep him quiet on the whole evening. UNDER THE GUISE OF BEING HIS FRIEND AND DOING HIM A FAVOUR BY THE WAY. No question, Butterscotch is a son of a bitch, and the only thing BoJack did wrong here was crave his parent’s love.

Even with the high school one being a little more grey, they’re all pretty cut and dry. Remember that we’re following the thread of “When was the first time you drank?” and to land on the answer “When my unrepentantly dickish father lied to me to save his own ass” puts a pretty solid punctuation mark on the whole affair. Addiction may not be at fault, but Butterscotch Horseman is. Case closed, we can go home.

BUT WAIT WHAT’S THIS

Right at the end, when you think we’re done, there’s one more flashback. A party of some sort, possibly New Year’s. The house sounds empty, there’s only the looping of the record player, stuck repeating the same five seconds again and again and again. Butterscotch and Beatrice are passed out drunk, judging from the empty bottles around them. Was it a good party? A bad one? She has her back to him and they’re about as far apart as they could get while still remaining in the room, but also, nothing’s broken? It’s impossible to know.

What we do know is that BoJack, aged about where we saw him in the “Free Churro” flashback so maybe seven or so? Very young, at any rate, and he’s alone. There doesn’t appear to be anything in the room for a child, so it’s probably fair to say he wasn’t included in the festivities. Did he have something to do instead? His own party maybe? Friends to play with, someone to watch him? Did he even get dinner? From what we’ve seen, “no” is a much more likely answer to any or all of these.

AND NOW THE FIRST TO PUNCH YOU IN THE HEART

Tiny BoJack knocks back several gulps of vodka (like a fucking pro, may I add), then crawls onto the couch next to his unconscious mother, pretending for just a few minutes that she’s cuddling him until he, too, will fall into a drunken slumber.

RIGHT SO WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO WITH THIS JESUS WEPT

Had you told me “Just wait, seven year old flashback BoJack is going to muddy the hell out of this” I wouldn’t have ... okay, well, I know the show, so I probably would’ve believed you, but I would’ve been preemptively grumpy.

This isn’t his fault! But it is! This isn’t his parent’s fault, but it super super is! Nobody MADE BoJack drink the vodka, as the scene goes to great lengths to show. There is nobody to tell him to do anything at all. Beatrice is three fucking sheets to the wind, she has no idea he’s there and he could have pretend cuddled all night AND stayed sober. Did baby BoJack, like adult BoJack, take the drink to calm his nerves for an expression of physical intimacy? Would baby BoJack have even known that was an option? Remember, this is framed as the answer to the question “When was the first time you drank?” Not “took a drink”, but “you DRANK”, the phrasing of which I think is important. It’s all about the root of the problem. What I get out of that question is then is “the first time you drank to numb yourself”.

Baby BoJack is looking at this disaster, this mess that is his every day no matter how many party hats and streamers you stick on it, and he wants anything else at all. So he turns to the easiest thing he knows will take it away the fastest. The situation isn’t his fault. The opportunity isn’t his fault. But the response IS, in a way that EVEN AS I SAY IT, makes me feel shitty.

CONGRATS BOJACK HORSEMAN FOR MAKING ME SEE A LITERAL CHILD SLAMMING BACK VODKA STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE AND MAKING ME GO “okay, but”.

SEASON SIX SHOULD BE A WALK IN THE PARK

[livingmybestfictionallife]

Live Wire --The Dirt-- 16

This is part 1 of the US Festival and mostly told in Nikki’s perspective. Next part will be a direct continuation of this chapter.

Doc and Doug has brought Wren along to each meeting they attended that planned Motley Crue’s involvement with the US Festival in the winter of 1982 and the spring of 1983, and they couldn’t deny the woman had a surprising knack for entertainment management. They’d known she would be an asset to them when it came to being a voice of reason to the twenty-something-year-old band of buffoons Motley Crue tended to be, but they didn’t suspect her to be an asset on the more professional and managerial aspect of her role. After how she’d handled herself upon meeting them at the Rainbow, they shouldn’t have underestimated her, but it was the 1980s and she was a twenty-year-old girl who happened to stumble across one of the next biggest bands to hit LA. They treated her as their acquaintance’s great-niece whom they presumed was a groupie for this band, but damn did they get a wakeup call afterwards.

First of all, Nikki and Tommy refused to accept any assistance from Doc or Doug without the stipulation that they became additions to Wren and not replacements, and Mick and Vince were quick to back up their bass player and drummer. Second, it seemed that when it came to booking local gigs, Wren had always beaten the pair to the punch; in fact, a lot of the calls Doc and Doug made to venues asking to get the band booked were responded with “Yeah, Ledden called up and scheduled a couple weekend shows about two weeks ago. You guys looking to book more than that?” At first it was frustrating to be one-upped by a newbie to the scene, but then they realized that Motley Crue were the newbies to the Strip and were taking it by storm. Why would the person who they had as their initial—and for the longest time only—manager be any different than they were?

However, booking the US Festival had more to do with Doc’s history with the Scorpions than Wren’s determination. Apparently, Doc and Mikkey Dee had remained in touch after changing management, and Mikkey had shared the fact that the producers of the event were searching for another act for Heavy Metal Day. However, just because she hadn’t booked the gig before Doc or Doug didn’t mean they weren’t going to include her in the planning process. Time and time again she impressed them to the point they forgot she was hardly any older than the youngest members of the band.

Nikki bit the inside of his lip as he watched the morning sun kiss Wren’s skin from where he stood at a distance. A soft breeze dusted the earth as the band wandered the festival grounds, preparing for what would be one of their biggest breaks in the United States. He’d lingered behind and paced slowly alongside Mick as Wren and Tommy hurried ahead with Vince to explore their surroundings. Nikki had known Wren for two years now, and had seen her in a number of different lights: strong, defiant, independent, vulnerable, scared, and sorrowful, but one of his favorites was her genuine excitement towards things. Even though he stood a few feet behind her, he knew her face would be beaming under the sunglasses she’d stolen from him that morning on the way to the event. Her cheeks would be full with delight as her intoxicating smile fell over her lips. Her movements were energetic as she and Tommy noticed her the stage the band would share that day with the greats that had paved the way for them. With jubilance in her steps, Wren nearly dragged Tommy by the arm as she ran towards the stage. With a leap, Wren heaved herself up onto the stage with her best friend on her heels. Together, they stood arm in arm, and gazed out at the vast grounds before them that would soon be filled with eager fans throwing themselves around to the newest songs she and Nikki had written.

Nikki couldn’t help himself as he stared up at the woman he’d slowly begun to—no, it’s too early for that, Sixx. He knew a smile was rising to his face as he looked up at Tommy and Wren. Without a second thought, he grabbed the polaroid camera Wren had asked him to hold for her, pointed the lens at his two closest friends as Tommy put his arm around Wren’s shoulders and pointed out across the grounds. There was something about capturing them in such a pure moment in their friendship that made the smile on Nikki’s face grow only to fall. Seeing them together, forever frozen in that moment as the image began to appear on the photograph before him, Nikki couldn’t help but disdain how Tommy was blessed with the luxury of being able to act however he wants around Wren with no consequences from Doc or Doug. Nikki already wasn’t the biggest fan of having the pair of new managers, and he was convinced that if they knew he was dating Wren, they would treat her less like one of their equals and more like a groupie.

Fuck, he cursed himself as he thought back to how Wren was initially treated when the band was still in its infancy. No one took her seriously, she had to fight her way to the top of waiting lists just to talk to someone to get them booked in a shitty dive bar because they assumed she was just some groupie trying to find out where Motley Crue was playing and not their fucking manager trying to book a show. He didn’t want her to back peddle on the name she’d made for herself as Motley Crue’s manager, but having two other people assigned the same title seemed, at least to Nikki, like a slap in the face to Wren’s success over the past two years.

I’m going to be the reason she doesn’t succeed. The harrowing thought crossed Nikki’s mind without warning as he stared at the photo before him of Wren and Tommy, excitedly gaping about what was both literally and figuratively on the horizon. The single moment he’d captured in time of two friends who meant the world to one another brought up the ugly feelings of jealousy he used to harbor upon realizing he would never have as much history with Wren as Tommy, Mick, or even Vince did. Nikki tried to push those feelings down as he noticed Wren jump down from the stage, rush up to him, pull the camera from his neck and give it to Tommy.

“Let’s get a picture Nikki,” she said once she returned to his side. As he shoved the intrusive thought from his mind, it seemed to manifest in his heart. He slipped and arm around her waist, but the pair didn’t move any closer than where they currently stood, and Nikki knew that if any stranger compared the two photos, they would assume Tommy was the one dating Wren…not him.

As Tommy clicked the button and handed the camera back to Wren, the picture began to print. Before Wren could examine the photo, Nikki had snatched it from where it was printing and had begun to shake it above his head. “You’re going to ruin it,” she huffed as she lowered the camera’s lanyard around her neck and folded her arms over her chest as her eyes narrowed on her boyfriend.

“Shaking it helps the ink dry faster,” Nikki stated so matter-of-factly that had Wren not read the instruction manual of her camera, she would have believed him. She rolled her eyes and huffed at his observation before speaking again.

“Shaking it damages the image, you arrogant know-it-all,” she muttered with a smirk on her lips. Nikki wanted to make her come after him to retrieve the photo, but he knew there were eyes on them: more specifically, the eyes of the two people they hired to be equals with Wren, but whom he believed were trying to become her bosses. Slowly, he extended the photo back to her and felt his heart sink once more that morning as she plucked the picture from his fingers.

“Whatever you say, babe,” Nikki sighed under his breath as Doug approached where the trio stood.

“Getting a lay of the land I see,” he commented to the group without really looking any of them in the eye. This—standing alone in and desolate field merely hours before it would become teeming with life and excitement—was nothing new to Doug. He’d been in bigger places with bigger bands, and he would be lying if he tried to say he could still remember how exhilarating the newness of everything was. To Doc and Doug, the scene was like any relationship—after the honeymoon phase is over, it’s all the same shit. Hell, they’d been in the game so long they hardly even associated with anyone afflicted by the honeymoon phase of stardom anymore. “You guys are on at 5 tonight. Don’t do anything too stupid beforehand and don’t fucking break yourselves! If a bone splits and you can’t play all of us are fucking S.O.L.” Wren furrowed her eyebrows at Doug’s way of warning the guys not to be a couple of dumbasses, but didn’t bother to interrupt. “You’re going on after Quiet Riot and are going to be followed up by Ozzy Osbourne.”

“No fucking way! We’re opening for Ozzy?” Tommy asked as he folded his arms across Wren’s shoulders and leveraged his weight against hers.

“Yeah, and after him is Judas Priest, followed by Triumph, the Scorpions, and then Van Halen,” Doug explained before he lost Tommy’s attention. “The gates open at 3 so sound check is going to be around 11 for you guys.”

“Don’t start getting into costume until around 3:45 or 4. It’s supposed to be hot and all that leather is going to be a pain in the ass for you guys to sit in for longer than necessary,” Wren interjected as Doug continued his spiel.

“Doc is talking with Mick and Vince right now. We’re going to need all four of you in trailer two by 10:30 and then again at 3:30. Do you mind wrangling them up for that, Wren?” Doug asked and turned to the woman who was currently being used by the lanky drummer as something to rest his head on.

“No problem. I can get them started on hair and makeup then,” Wren responded as she watched the corners of Nikki’s mouth tighten as he pulled back his lips and attempted to hold his tongue.

“Thanks. Doc and I will be a little tied up by then. Do they have a set list made up yet?” Doug continued as he paid no attention to the tension building in Nikki’s body.

“Yeah, Nikki wrote one up,” she said as she dug into her back pocket to find the piece of notebook paper he’d slipped into her denim shorts that morning. She blushed at the memory of a rather groggy Nikki, still half asleep, leaving his room just to come into the kitchen where Wren was making herself some Eggo waffles for breakfast. He stood behind her, slipped his arms around her waist, and held onto her as if she were the only thing keeping him on his feet. After muttering a few obscenities about how early they all had to get up to drive to San Bernardino, his hands fell on her waist once more as he dragged himself away from being plastered to her back, and slid a piece of paper into her back pocket before giving her ass a nice squeeze.

“Great, I’ll can get this to the sound engineers. Stay with them and make sure they don’t fuck this up,” Doug said with a sly smirk on his face as he turned away from the three founding members of the Crue.

“She’s not a glorified babysitter!” Nikki spat back before Doug was out of earshot.

“Dude!” Tommy hissed under his breath as he back handed Nikki in the chest. “Do you really want to lose the people who got us this far?”

“They didn’t get us this far, Tommy. They got us this gig. Wren got us everything else, we put ourselves on the map, and now they’re swooping in like vultures, trying to take credit for Motley’s success.” Wren could feel the anger pouring from Nikki’s words, and as much as she wanted to help calm him down, she couldn’t believe the reason he was harboring so much resentment towards Doc and Doug.

“Calm down, Nikki. It’s okay,” she tried to say only for Tommy to speak over her.

“Just chill out, dude. They’re not the bad guys here.”

“What? I can’t correct him in his assumption of what her fucking job is?” Nikki scoffed as he took in Tommy’s wary expression and Wren’s confusion.

“Look, if it bothers me enough, I’ll correct them, okay?” Nikki knew she only meant that she could handle herself, but his mind was on edge. He’d felt an immense amount of bitterness, shame, and guilt for a number of different reasons, all of which he did not want to talk about with Wren because…well because he knew he was being erratic and that her decision on the matter was the best decision to make.

“Of course, you can. I almost forgot I’d learned that lesson the hard way.” Nikki couldn’t keep himself from adding that unnecessary comment, but he certainly hoped he’d said it soft enough for neither Tommy or Wren to hear.

“On that note, I’m going to go check on Mick and Vince,” Wren announced as the smile that had occupied her face fell into a scowl at Nikki’s words. Tommy waited until Wren was well out of their range before he punched Nikki in the arm.

“Ow! What the fuck, man?”

“I should ask you the same thing!” Tommy hissed as he pointed in the direction Wren had walked. “What the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?” Nikki asked as he rubbed off the punch he had received and glared into Tommy’s dark, furiously swirling eyes.

“Are you two fighting?” Nikki could hear the obvious change in Tommy’s voice as the abrasive and accusing tone shifted into that of concern. Taking Nikki’s silence as a confirmation, Tommy continued. “She’s been so happy, recently. When did you start fighting?”

“We’re not fighting,” Nikki said through somewhat gritted teeth.

“Well, that sounds like something a person in a happy relationship would say. You’ve got me convinced,” Tommy sneered as he folded his arms over his chest and glared at Nikki. With his impatience growing, Nikki found a portion of the walls he’s built up around himself begin to crumble—not enough to let someone in, but just enough for a six-foot-four-inch-tall drummer to look over and see what was happening on the inside.

“I didn’t want her to be a groupie.” Nikki sighed in defeat as he balled his right hand into a fist.

“She’s not a groupie,” Tommy quickly denied.

“I know that, and you know that, but Doc and Doug won’t believe it and neither would anyone else we come across who should look at her as the professional she is with this band. They’re just going to see Wren and think, ‘Oh, it’s the girl that fucks around with Motley Crue,’ but she’s so much fucking more than that.”

“She doesn’t fuck around with Motley Crue. She fucks around with you, making her a you-ie, not a groupie.” Tommy tried to chuckle a little to lighten Nikki’s mood, but he didn’t seem to know the best ways to reassure Nikki, at least not in the ways that Wren did.

“I just don’t want to be the reason she isn’t taken seriously. I don’t want to feel like I’m holding her back.” As Nikki vocalized his concerns, Tommy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry dude, but Wren’s a tornado. Once she’s on a path, there’s not much that can stop her. I mean, I’ve never tried to lasso a tornado, but I would assume it would be easier than holding Wren back from doing what she’s set her mind to. Besides that, Wren is always going to make sure she’s taken seriously, regardless of her connections to anyone. Fuck, I’m her best friend! The most non-serious human being to attend a high school was best friends with the girl who was valedictorian and had her associate’s degree before she got her high school diploma! No one who knows Wren doubts her, and no one who doubts her matters.”

“Then why the fuck do I feel so shitty about what would happen to her if Doc and Doug knew she was with me?”

“Maybe the reason you feel like shit and are concerned about damaging any reputation she has with the new managers is because you love her.” The second that word—the ‘L’ word Nikki hadn’t used to describe anyone other than his grandparents—left Tommy’s mouth, Nikki’s stomach sank and he contemplated throwing up on Tommy’s shoes for suggesting such a thing. Love? No. Love was something people spend their lives looking for and end up settling for something similar—some other type of connection that feels like what they assume love is. Love isn’t something that walks into a men’s room from an alley, mouths off to you, and steals your liquor. Love isn't something that happens to you after getting punched in the face. It doesn't walk up to your booth in a diner dressed in leather. Love doesn't have an intoxicating smile. It isn't when someone gets you riled up for the sake of being able to. It’s not the reason people steal music for someone else, or the catalyst behind one’s anger after someone else is harmed. It’s not the sharing of pain from one soul to another, or the safety of home a person finds in another person. Love doesn't just wander into your life at twenty-three-years-old, burrow inside your chest, and then decides to wake up from its nap two years later. Is it?

[patagucci34]

Be Together? Vince Dunn

Warnings: swearing, self-esteem/body image issues, but nothing too serious! 

Word Count: 3.4k 

You and Vince had been hooking up for a while now. If you were being honest, you had no idea why it was even happening. You weren’t his usual type, not the gorgeous Instagram models that he was seeing and although you didn’t talk about stuff like that with each other, it’s all you could think about.

You had met through Sammy, he was one of your oldest friends and so naturally, you had spent a lot of time with Vince too. It wasn’t long after you had met that you started hooking up, you both had made it clear that it would just be a friends with benefits type deal. Especially since his hot shot, superstar status was rising quickly. Surprisingly, you had made all these years without anything going awry.

You always had a soft spot for him, and naturally feelings developed. But you had always been able to just live with it because you liked what you had going, you didn’t want to complicate things, and you never thought that he would feel the same way. Especially when he had these gorgeous women at his beck and call.

You spent a lot of time trying to figure out why you were still having sex when he did have these women around. You chalked it up to convenience and maybe the fact that it was good? It was always really good for you, and you thought that it was good for him but you didn’t know how these other girls were in bed.

For the most part it was strictly friends with benefits. You didn’t do too much together that was “couple like,” but you were very good friends. Most of the time when you hung out it was with Sammy and some of the guys. You texted some, mostly just snap chatted when he was on the road and wanted to sext, but what got you the most was all of the pillow talk. Before, after...it didn’t really matter. He was so sweet with you, that’s when you talked about your families, friends, deep dark secrets, fears, just about anything. That’s how you became so close. For you, he was really the only one that ever stayed the night and through the next morning. You knew Vince’s M.O. wasn’t to have people stay but you were sure there were a few girls that did with him. When you first started hooking up you did it quite often. As time went on it was more sparse, mostly when neither of you had anyone to go home with, or if it was just convenient.

You were aware that you were really kind of his last resort most of the time. It was shitty but you just tried not to think about it that way because you liked hooking up with him and in some ways you did the same thing to him. Although you had canceled on a few guys once Vince reached out which you were sure he would never do for you.

Nights out could be tricky. If you had someone to go home with then you didn’t spend the night trying to suppress your jealous feelings when Vince was with another girl. But when he was going home with someone else and you didn’t have anyone, it was tough for you to watch. But you just had to grin and bear it because you were just friends.

Remarkably enough, for a long time no one really knew about you and Vince besides your friends and the team. You were thankful for that because you knew how much hate girls that hook up with players usually get. You had seen your fair share of bunny blogs and you wanted to keep your name out of them. However, that ended when someone spotted you two kissing outside of a club one night. Rumors started flying, hateful comments came rolling in, but of course Vince didn’t really pay any attention or even noticed what was happening. You knew it wasn’t his fault, and you weren’t mad at him, but you were definitely upset and unfortunately mostly taking it out on him.

You decided to just distance yourself a bit, not be the one to reach out first, avoid him at gatherings...you weren’t really sure why because you knew that wasn’t going to do anything, but it made you feel better, at least you thought it did. It got worse when you were at a game with Sammy’s girlfriend, Amy, and the girls in front of you were talking about you. You were sure they didn’t know you were there, but up until that point, you just had to read about how fat you were and you had no chance of competing with the girls after Vince, you didn’t have to hear it in person. You didn’t want them to win so you promised yourself you would stay at the game, but you’d opt out of going out with the team after. You tried to scoot out after the game but Amy pulled you down to the locker room so it was nearly impossible to get out of it. You tried your best but Sammy wouldn’t allow it.

So that’s how you ended up miserable in a booth, watching Vince dance with some tall, skinny, blonde, who also just happened to be one of the lovely girls who was talking about you. If you were going to make it through the night you were going to need lots of alcohol so you were pounding vodka sodas. You had just gone to get another one and were heading back to the booth when someone stopped in front of you and took it out of your hand.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” You glared up when you saw that it was Vince and tried to grab it but he held it over your head.

“Give it back.” You said, not so smoothly as you stumbled a bit as you tried to reach for it.

“You’re wasted, y/n/n. You’re done.”

“No I’m not, I'm fine.”

“I’ve been watching you all night, you’ve had about 6 of these.”

You rolled your eyes, “Vince, not tonight please. Just give me the drink and go back to your little barbie doll.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“Is what about?”

“Why you’ve been ignoring me and why you’re completely obliterated tonight?”

“Wow, obliterated, that’s a big word.”

“What the fuck, y/n? Why are you acting like this?” He asked, dragging you to a quiet corner. You really didn’t want to get into it here, especially not while you were this drunk, and you really didn’t want to cry in the club so you tried to end the conversation.

“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t in the mood tonight but Sammy dragged me here anyway. I’m just gonna go.”

You tried to walk away but he grabbed your arm. “Not alone, you’re not.” “Let go of me.”

“No, you’re too drunk to be going home alone.”

“I’m going to Uber.”

“Not by yourself!”

“Yes, by myself. You can’t tell me what to do, Vince.” With that, you pulled your arm out of his grasp and stalked off. You didn’t check to see if he was following you because you were sure he was and you didn’t want to slow down any and have him catch up to you.

You made it outside of the club and down a block before you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Y/n,” he said softly, “will you please tell me what’s wrong?”

You turned around to face him, you contemplated what you were going to say next, and just as you were about to start, you saw the girl trailing behind him.

“Just forget it, you’re an ass.”

He made a move to try and stop you but you shut him down. “Don’t.” With tears streaming down your face you turned and walked away.

When you finally made it home, you had a bunch missed calls and texts. A few from Vince but mostly from Sammy and Amy. You were too tired to listen to the voicemails and read through all of the texts so you just sent a text to Sammy telling him that you were home and you would talk to him later. After that, you shut your phone off and cried yourself to sleep.

The next day you woke up with a pounding headache. You sighed as you remembered last night's events, not wanting to deal with it you turned over and buried your head in the pillow for a few more minutes.

Once you had accepted that you weren't going to fall back asleep you got up and went to make a cup of coffee. You sat down on the couch and went through all of the text and voicemails from the night before.

You looked through Sammy’s texts first.

Okay... are you okay? What happened? Vince said you seemed really upset.

I'm coming over tomorrow morning whether you like it or not.

You rolled your eyes but texted him back telling him that you'd be here and he could come anytime.

You went through Vince texts next.

What was that all about?

Will you please let me know when you're home?

I'm really worried about you, y/n/n.

Can we talk tomorrow?

You were going to wait to respond. You weren't quite ready to talk to him, maybe after Sammy comes you'll text him back.

Your stomach growled and right as you moved to get up and make something Sammy called you.

"Hey, Sammy." You greeted softly.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Can I come over in a few?"

"Yeah, I was just about to make something for breakfast."

"I was gonna stop at Henderson's, do you want me to bring you a sandwich?"

"That would be great."

"Alright, I'll see you in a little bit."

"Thanks, Sammy."

You sat back down on the couch and turned on the TV while you waited for Sammy to come over. Your phone dinged and you saw another text from Vince.

Please text me back, y/n/n. I want to talk to you.

You sighed as you contemplated what to do. It really wasn't super fair of you to be ignoring him, he didn't really do anything wrong. You finally decided to text him back.

Sammy is coming over, but maybe later?

You didn't have to wait long for a response.

Alright, just let me know. Are you okay?

That's a pretty loaded question, Vince. But yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you later.

As soon as you put your phone down Sammy walked through the door. You stood up to help him with the bags he had in his arms and you walked into the kitchen. As soon as he set everything down he pulled you in for a hug. Once he let you go you both went and sat on the couch and started talking about what happened.

You told him what he already knew, that you had feelings for Vince and that you had been able to handle them but once people got wind of the two of you people had been so nasty towards you. You told him about the girl at the game and how she ended up being the one with him last night.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Sammy. I really like hanging out with Vince but I just can't do this anymore, I can't keep doing this to myself. I know that he cares about me and I know that it's a little more than just a hookup, but I'm never going to be enough for him, and I can't keep putting myself through this kind of stuff. It's not fair to either of us."

"I'm sorry, y/n/n. I hate that you feel this way."

"It's okay, I knew what I was getting into, I've let it go on for 4 years so…”

“I think that you should talk to Vince before you make any decisions.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I mean, you haven’t actually told him about these feelings, and I think it would be worthwhile for you two to have this conversation. You don’t know what he’s feeling or what he’ll say.”

“Well, he’s coming over later I guess.”

“Good. I think you should tell him exactly what you just told me.”

“I know, I just…I don’t want to hear what I know he’s going to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a part of me that really hopes if I tell him this stuff that he’ll feel the same, but I know deep down that he doesn’t and I just know that I’m going to be crushed. That’s why I want the end to be on my terms.”

“I get that, y/n/n, I really do. But I think you should talk to him.”

“Do you know something that I don’t?”

“No, I just think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

You sighed and sat back against the couch, “I know...you’re right.”

Sammy patted your thigh, “it’ll be alright. And if things don’t go your way, then it will give you the chance to start moving on.”

You put your head on his shoulder and he pulled you in close. You sat like that for a little bit before focusing back on your food and talking about other things.

He hung out for a few more hours and then left so you could have Vince over. You texted him a little bit after Sammy left and he replied right away saying he’d be over in a few.

You started to get nervous. You were honestly kind of embarrassed about your outburst last night and you didn’t want to have to face him. But you weren’t left too much time to dwell as you heard a knock on the door. You reluctantly got up and went to the door, just now realizing that you still had on the sweats you slept in last night. He had seen you like this countless times, but you felt more vulnerable right now so you contemplated changing quickly.

“Just a minute!!” You called through the door and you ran to your room to throw on some leggings and a sweater.

You composed yourself and then opened the door. A small smile met your sheepish grin and you moved to the side so he could step around you. He walked over to the couch and sat down. You followed behind him but didn’t sit down quite yet.

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” You offered softly.

“Water?”

You nodded and went to grab two glasses of water before sitting down next to him.

He took a sip and then put it down on the coffee table and looked over at you. “So? What’s going on with you?”

You sighed, trying to find the right words, after a few moments you just went for it. “I can’t do this anymore…”

“What do you mean? Sleep together?”

“Yeah…”

“Why not?”

You sighed again, “I just, when we first started hooking up we said it would just be friends with benefits and I tried really hard for that, but I’ve developed feelings for you. Feelings that I’ve tried really hard to get rid of, and it worked for a while, but lately it’s been harder to do. I’m not sure if you even know this, but people found out about us, people have been talking, and they’re not good things. They’re awful actually. I’ve never been so insulted in my life, and it was starting to really get to me. And last night...that girl that you were with, I heard her talking about me at the game. She said some really hurtful things and it just really hurt to see you with her last night. I know you probably didn’t know that she said those things, but it was still really hard to see. It’s hard to see you going home with anyone that’s not me. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, I know you probably don’t. And if so, I'm just going to need a break from you for a little bit. I really value our friendship and I really hope that we can still salvage that part of our relationship but I can’t keep doing this to myself.” You tried to gauge his reaction but his face was unreadable. He sighed and sat back against the couch as he ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He didn’t say anything for a few moments, he just sat there looking in front of him. “Can you say something? Please?” You asked, getting very nervous.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just, I had no idea that people knew and were saying things to you...I feel awful, y/n/n. I know how mean people can be...god, I’m so sorry. I, um, was really trying to protect you from this. I thought that by keeping our relationship the way that it was would prevent this from happening…” he paused and ran his hands through his hair again and then turned to face you. He took your hands in his and looked into your eyes. “Y/N, you are so important to me, I hope you know that. I know that I probably haven’t done the best job of showing you that, but you really are. I have feelings for you too, I don’t know how I couldn’t. You’re perfect. You’re smart, funny, kind, beautiful...you keep me honest and you check me when I need to be. I’m so mad at myself because I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought that in order to shield you from all of the hate we had to just stay friends. I know that was unfair of me to do, it was selfish. I want you to know that I don’t care what other people think. It’s just, you’re so sweet, it honestly breaks my heart to think about the things that people are saying about you. You don’t deserve it. They don’t know you, babe. They don’t have the right to say those things about you. I definitely don’t want to lose you because of it. Please let me know how I can fix this...I can’t lose you.”

You had started crying at this point, Vince was wiping away your tears as you thought about what to say next. “It’s not your fault, Vince. I think that no matter how much you tried to protect me from it, it was inevitable. It comes with the territory, believe me, I know. I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing my whole life, it was just so much more of it, and I just got in my head about it, and I was starting to believe what they were saying...unfortunately you can’t stop them from saying these things. But can we just forget about them? And be together?”

“I would love nothing more. The whole world is going to know how perfect you are and how beautiful you are to me, I’ll reply to every nasty comment if I have to.”

You smiled at his eagerness, “okay, you don’t have to go that far, but I appreciate your willingness.”

“Anything for you, y/n/n…” he said, kissing you softly, “and I meant every word that I said. You make me a better person, and I don’t want a life without you in it.”

“I don’t want a life without you either, Vince...god, as much as I hate to admit it, Sammy was so right.”

Vince quirked an eyebrow, “what do you mean?” “He convinced me to tell you how I felt. I wasn’t going to...I was convinced you would never feel the same way that I do and I didn’t want to be let down.”

He chuckled at your admission. “He’s never going to let us live it down. He’s going to be taking credit for this for the rest of our lives…”

You smiled and sighed, “I guess there are worse things.”

Vince put his arm around you and pulled you close to him. You cuddled into his side and spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling and watching TV.

You knew that people were still going to have things to say about you and your relationship with Vince but you knew that you could through it with him by your side.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (12/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Recruitment Season.

Having been recruited himself, Levi was somewhat familiar with the timeline. Or at least he should have been familiar with it.

When he had suggested showing up for one of Mikasa’s tournaments, his end goal had been to at least get Hange out of her hole, the same way she had pulled him out of his own slump. With nothing else on his mind though leading up to the tournament, he found himself a little too surprised at the large crowd that showed up that day at the entrance of the school.

And Levi was familiar with the clipboards, the iPads and the way those particular people strode into the school with some sort of purpose.

The school so close to their largest city was much larger than the school he grew up in. Back in his old school, there were only two to five scouts at a time for at least ten different sports. There, by the entrance of Public School No. 104, the crowd was large and Levi was overwhelmed.

For a second he doubted whether or not he had read the entries on the events page right. That second became a few seconds and maybe even a minute as Levi recalled that there had been multiple events slated for that day. There was a huge possibility that he could have read it wrong.

He had thought ahead enough at least to bookmark the page on his phone. Whether or not he had thought ahead to bookmark it because of any lingering doubt or because it had been just a little too convenient to click the star on his phone was a question he quickly brushed off even before he could entertain it.

What was important then was he had something to assure him that he hadn’t been a total idiot taking Hange to that school.

If we can’t watch jumping, maybe they have diving or gymnastics or something. Levi thought to himself in that few second gap pulling the phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it.

Those were all consolations though. The grand prize was still the high jump event and he would hate himself if he had read the time wrong. The chances were small but the visit to the school had been crucial for many reasons.

For one, Hange had not gone out since her parents gave her a deadline to vacate her apartment. She hadn’t seemed completely alive since then, almost reminiscent of Levi’s own bout of isolation. She didn’t do much either to ask for help, to open up about her own turmoil.

It had been just the two of them clearing out years worth of clutter in the apartment for hours on end, which soon turned to days on end, save for those small few hours to get groceries. The silence which only further alluded to the lifelessness of the room, was deafening.

And in his own way, Levi found himself almost obliged to reignite something within her.

On top of that, Levi hadn’t written anything for three days. At first glance, that wasn’t an issue. Overtime though, with nothing much to do, with the decision to stay at home with Hange, he had started writing more, organizing thoughts on Petra, Zeke, Erwin, Farland, Isabel and he had written thousands of words, tens of pages but Levi was sure, the story was far from over.

There were glaring holes that he had dug through the deepest pits of his memories trying to fill. His documents were riddled with empty bullet points, blank spaces and sometimes even half complete sentences any other casual reader would have never made sense of.

There were inarguable truths though with what he had pieced together. Many of the people he had met had died, and he felt the raw pain with every single one of them in his dreams, only manageable by the reminder that they were all alive and were merely dead as characters in his dreams.

In his dreams and in his stories, he was a soldier. Erwin died and Hange had taken over as a commander. And somehow, they had ended up outside the walls, lying together in the forest and Levi could have sworn he didn’t want to leave.

But for what? Why?

For a time before that, he had been in the forest with that blond doctor too and Levi had hated his guts then too.

But under what context?

Keep writing and you’ll find out. Something nagged at him. But it was as if he had written everything. The dreams just replayed. The memories of familiar strangers only got more and more vivid. And the dreams he saw and the thoughts he reflected on only served to add detail to the sceneries and to the faces as Levi wrote them.

But he knew how they looked like in real life, there was no need to describe their faces any more than he already did. And what did scenery have to do with anything? From what he remembered, half of what he dreamt of was within walls anyway.

But there was a lead. Mikasa Ackerman. He remembered voices. He remembered raw care and concern. And he was sure there was still something to probe on those names. He tried describing her on paper with just the name as some sort of lead, but it proved futile.

Any description he attempted to shoehorn into his stories seemed like a lie. It felt almost idiotic and almost obsessive then and Levi was very careful with his words as he asked for directions then.

They gestured for Levi to follow and he found himself keeping a good distance from the crowd as they walked through the school grounds.

From his place behind them, he had heard the name ‘Ackerman’ mentioned a few times among the college scouts, whether they were talking about him or Mikasa, he didn’t probe. He didn’t want to know either. Watching the high jump event might be painful enough for him and he didn’t want to unnecessarily add any more salt to that wound.

“Levi, you sure this is the way to go?” Hange asked.

“That’s where the scouts are going,” Levi said.

Hange pulled out her phone. “I’ll look for a school map.”

Levi shrugged. “The school is bigger than I expected. Let’s cover some ground while you search.” He kept his eyes ahead, keeping the crowd at least in his peripherals as he scanned his surroundings.

As they walked through the main path of the school, the crowd gradually dispersed. Then for Levi who had been so religiously following the crowds since almost a minute ago, it became a game of which crowd was biggest.

Because everyone should be here for Mikasa Ackerman right? Levi thought to himself. He couldn’t wait for Hange to navigate. He pressed on, following the biggest crowd before they turned the corner and disappeared completely.

The crowd may have been for Mikasa, or it could have been for any other athlete or any other sport. He never did find out.

“Levi, I think we should turn around here… The high jump event should be---” Hange started.

“It’s Connie Springer! Connie Springer’s batting next!”

From his view along the main road, partially obscured by tall trees and bushes dotting the landscape, Levi hadn’t gotten a good view at first. And if it hadn’t been for the familiar name, maybe Levi never would have sped up, or gone as fast at least as his limp and his crutches would take him.

He turned the corner, the largest crowd forgotten. He made good distance, even on the rocky landscape that made up the smaller path.

“Levi, be careful. You might trip.” Hange asked. “Besides, where are we going? The high jump event i...”

Hange’s protests eventually faded into something unintelligible from behind him. If he had actually tried to listen, maybe he would have heard whatever else she was saying. It was as if his mind knew, anything she said was futile. He was hell bent on making that detour and he was 100% that detour which was only a few feet away, would give him enough of a satisfying answer.

We can check the venue after. Just give me this few minutes. Levi had been in enough high jump tournaments to know they lasted a fair amount of time anyway.

The smaller path opened up to a field. There were athletes on the field clad in red, one on the field clad in green. Levi had enough stock knowledge on Major League Baseball to know exactly what was happening.

The innings were all on the scoreboard, large enough for Levi to see from his angle. Visitors were leading by three points. The home team had one more out left before the game would be declared over. And out on each base was one player clad in green.

It was a decisive possession for green. Levi surmised even if it hadn’t been Connie Springer who had caught his attention then, maybe he still really would have stopped to watch.

A lot of the crowd looked like they were thinking the same thing. Even with the game almost over, people were still approaching the field.

Connie Springer…

Levi heard the whispers among the scouts. Good runner. Mediocre Batter. And maybe he had felt a little offended for Connie when someone had joked that they should just bid the regionals and nationals goodbye.

Connie was better than that. Levi was sure.

And just like Levi had thought, Connie seemed unfazed. From his position at the side of the field, Connie approached the home plate at a steady yet rapid pace, bat in hand.

The whispers around him only started to get louder as Connie got into a position to bat.

Connie was a mediocre batter and a good runner at the same time. And Connie's hand position as he held the bat was a remnant of just that. Connie held one hand behind the mid section of the bat and he gripped it as if he weren’t going to let go any time soon.

He’s gonna bunt. Levi didn’t need the whispers for that commentary. Just as expected, that was a safe play for someone deemed a ‘shitty batter’ by the cruel audience.

Connie gripped the bat and positioned it. The pitch came a second later. And in that small span of a few seconds, Levi’s expectations were subverted, and as proven by the gasps around him, it looked like the audience’s expectations were subverted as well.

Connie had taken a risk. And in the next few seconds, everyone would find out if it were a good risk. He had swung the bat all the way through, there was a clank of the ball and the ball flew. Looking at the blue and white of the sky, Levi had to squint to see it.

It was a bunt fake. Levi soon realized. But he quickly dropped that thought as he followed Connie along all the bases. He was a great runner and Levi struggled to follow him through the bases. He felt his heart thumping as he followed Connie’s path.

He could hear screams from the audience to run. And Connie was screaming much louder as he ran even after having reached the second base.

Levi was sure he could have stopped there but Connie continued to run, screaming to the others to run as well. And by the third base, Connie could have stopped, and they could have secured a tie. The coach by the third base, held his hands up high, as if to tell Connie to take those three points.

It’s a tie game, no need to. And as Levi soon found out, any efforts to move in the next few seconds would be risky. Levi followed the ball which was already making the rounds of the bases. And when he looked back to third base, he found it empty. Connie was still running.

There were angry screams and Levi wouldn’t be surprised if it was from the coach. Levi didn’t bother to look anywhere else though to check. The next few milliseconds, he dedicated to Connie who was still dashing towards the home base.

Levi’s breath caught that split second when the catcher bent over to grab the ball.

But he still has to tag Connie. The catcher made the mistake of approaching Connie on the lane connecting the bases.

Or was it a mistake? He was blocking Connie’s path. And if Connie did anything like stray away from the path it would be an out.

He kept moving, As if fortune did favor the brave, everything started working for him at once. The catcher had bent over to dash faster. Connie was only getting faster, gaining momentum with every stride.

The split second Connie launched himself in the air and over the catcher, Levi could have sworn time stopped. That pause could have lasted an eternity. Yet everything after that could have happened on fast forward. Connie fell onto the home plate and skidded violently on the field and before Levi could take a good look, Connie was surrounded.

That scene on the field reminded Levi of his own accident months ago.

Is he okay? Levi stayed longer than he should have. He knew if he had left then and there, he probably wouldn’t be able to rest without the guarantee that the young baseball player out there wouldn’t suffer the same fate Levi had.

“Levi… Did you see that?” It sounded like Hange was struggling to breathe.

But in a good way. A good way he had missed so much, he found himself distracted enough to look away from the congregation on the home base and back at Hange.”It looked like he was flying huh?” Levi asked, taking a long good look at Hange as he said those words.

Her face was flushed. The glimmer in her eyes was still there, albeit weaker. Her eyes completely concentrated on the scene in front of her, as if in a trance. And Levi was sure she was imagining, seeing herself in that same spot only a second ago.

Was that how it felt Hange? Every single time you saw someone jump?

Levi was convinced he was right. The glimmer in Hange's eyes was weaker for sure. At first, Levi had thought it to be a remnant of the events of weeks ago, with her thesis struggles, with her parent’s admonishing remarks.

Levi ended up concluding though, that it wasn’t weaker. It was just glowing differently.

There was no desire in her eyes, no childish jealousy at lost dreams she couldn’t achieve. It was as if Hange had gained the power to so purely and innocently, so easily place herself in another's shoes, when she just thinks through it.

And absence worked to make Levi notice it more but in that new glow, that new glimmer in her eyes, Levi noticed then, there was no subtle hint of guilt at having indulged in such a trivial and useless passion her whole life.

Yet every single time he had snuck glances at Hange watching jumps before that, there was guilt in her eyes. As if she was supposed to be doing something more important: studying, working, succeeding, meeting expectations.

Is that how liberation feels? Levi asked himself then. He wanted to ask her that same thing then but he found another question, a follow up question which popped so quickly into his mind even before he had completely articulated the first one. Does she know yet that she’s free?

Maybe she didn’t. Because it had just come so naturally for someone like her.

“I wrote her like that because that’s how Hange Zoe really is.”

“Then I’ll work harder to be like her.”

“You don’t have to. The squad leader and the commander are already in you, you just have to uncover for yourself those parts.”

And she had figured it out for herself in the easiest of states, in a trance borne of passion, ecstasy, excitement and maybe euphoria.

An authentic, unrehearsed and organic smile, from Hange of all people, had left Levi with too many emotions to wrangle with: nostalgia, relief, excitement and everything in between. Too many for him to figure out for itself. Yet, it manifested in that moment, as Levi stood frozen next to her, staring at her for god knows how long. As if that Hange Zoe was something he had lost so long ago, maybe even centuries or even millennia ago. And he could have stood there forever as long she remained in that state of pure organic euphoria.

Hange’s lips widened, then curled up into a smile. “He’s okay!” She screamed, much louder than what could have been appropriate for that situation, for someone who barely even knew the guy on the field.

Levi didn’t mind though. In another story, maybe in another life, Connie was a member of their legion after all.

Hange’s outburst was a done deal and there was nothing much they could do about the eyes focused on them or the whispers among the crowd. Levi took advantage of that sunk cost, he approached Connie who was sitting alone on his bench, taking a quick drink of water.

“You did great out there.” It came out as barely a whisper and as Levi soon realized, he was still too far for Connie to have heard it. And the latter didn’t.

That whisper had completely and so easily been overshadowed by calls from his own teammates to hurry up and pack his things. Connie’s team was going to regionals.

And maybe after that, nationals. It would have been nice to send some sort of congratulations then. Reality took over and brought with it reasonable arguments, all against some sort of odd and almost stalkery approach towards Connie.

Their team would be celebrating that night. Connie was far gone and had disappeared among the crowd of red baseball uniforms. It would be an odd and completely unjustifiable effort to chase Connie down then.

“Congratulations,” Levi whispered to himself.

“Congratulations to...? The home team?” Hange asked, stepping up beside him.

“Yeah, I would have wanted to talk to them. Congratulate them myself.”

“I’m sure they heard you,” Hange said.

The murmurs among the crowd, the praises, the cries and the dissemination of rumors were ubiquitous and they were still far from dead, even as the crowds started to disperse. Behind it all, Levi heard the rustle of trees and the whistling of the winds.

And maybe the wind could carry messages for him. Just in case, Levi did whisper other words of greeting, much softer than what Hange would have heard beside him. They were generic words of congratulations and well wishes but Levi swore they were heartfelt.

And he ended it with one last personalized message. I hope we could meet again and maybe have a little more time to talk.

Hange’s voice broke through his little correspondence. “Hey Levi, we still have an hour or so before the high jump event. What about if we try other events on the way?”

Levi shrugged. “Why not? We’re here already.” The trip had proven to be filled with surprises already.

*******

"Levi, you shouldn't have gone to the toilet. You missed some amazing jumps. There's this girl…. Sasha Braus I think…"

“Sasha Braus?” Levi made sure to say her name slowly, to at least imply some unfamiliarity.

But he was all too familiar with that name already. In fact, that hadn't been a toilet break, Levi had gone to the cafeteria only a building away and bought some plastic wrapped melon bread. Just in case there would be an opportunity to talk.

"How many jumps did I miss?" Levi asked.

"Five or six but we missed the start of the competition already so I think we missed more than that. They said this was the last round… But Sasha's already winning by a lot."

"Just as expected."

"So you know Sasha?"

"I follow athletes too you know."

"But diving?"

"Maybe." Levi kept his reply short, unwilling to keep that joke of a charade any longer.

Hange had a knowing look on her face as if she never did believe him.

Levi returned Hange with a playful look of his own as if to say:

But how else would I know her name?

Hange probably suspected the recognition to have been the result of a series of deductions. But Levi wasn't that smart.

After that encounter with Connie, the names and faces just came to him much faster than ever. Even among the five athletes lined up in front of the pull, Levi could spot her from meters away, last in line

He checked the watch on his phone, thirty minutes until the high jump event. They had enough time to kill.

In the few minutes leading up to Sasha's final dive, Levi made sure to search her name.

Top diver. Top seed for college scouts. High level of diving technique.

Diving wasn't a particularly popular sport where they lived but it was enough to make waves at least on the internet.

When Levi started to watch the women dive into the water, performing tucks, pikes and twists along the way, he did wonder why it never was popular.

And with the way, Hange was looking at them, he suspected she thought the same thing.

"Let's go Sasha!" Hange's voice rang out in the indoor pool area.

Do we know her? Levi asked. Realistically, do we know her? He amended that soon after. He knew her. But was he supposed to know her. Was Hange supposed to know her?

He wasn't too self conscious either. She wasn't the only one who was cheering after all. He could have sworn the blonde in front of them was cheering just as hard.

"Was I too loud?" Hange whispered, a second later. "I think I got too excited."

"No, that's very much a Hänge Zoe move," Levi said.

That small shadow of self consciousness in Hange's voice completely dissipated and Levi was relieved to see that gentle yet excited smile that followed.

And it could have been a hint or an illusion, but as Levi looked back at the brunette who approached the edge of the diving board, he could have sworn she had given them a flicker of a gaze as she positioned herself on the edge.

She may have heard Hange's cheers. Levi wondered though, if she had heard any more of their cheers or if she had recognized them.

Levi leaned towards a 'no.' though having been disappointed a little too many times. And he considered it a done deal as she executed a difficult twist, a pike then dove into the water head first.

"The high jump is starting in ten minutes. We should go," Hänge said, glancing at her watch.

The melon bread in the inner pocket of Levi's jacket protested. He had bought it for her after all.

He had other options at least. "Psst…" Levi called the attention of the blonde in front of him.

She didn't look back.

"Historia," Levi said. He decided for himself then that it was worth the risk.

The blonde looked back at them, her eyes wide open in confusion. "I'm sorry… I don't think I recognize you…" It was just like her to still be polite to a couple of potentially creepy strangers.

"No need to recognize me," Levi said. He pressed the melon pan, into the hand that Historia had held out for a hand shake. "Get this to Sasha for us. Tell her it's from her fans."

With that, the two stepped down from their place in the second row bleachers and quickly and silently slipped out through the entrance.

*******

“Maybe we have the time for one more detour,” Levi said.

“We’re still on the way to the high jump venue. And it’s not like we’re gonna miss everything if we’re ten minutes late,” Hange added.

As they stood at the entrance of the gym along the main road, they were distracted for different reasons. Levi was distracted because he had heard that one name among the cheers loud enough to hear even beyond closed doors. Hange though looked like she had managed to at least get a glimpse of what was going on inside through the transparent glass of the door.

“Should we… go in?” Levi asked.

“You wanna? There’s only a few seconds left.”

“Why not?”

Even with both of them in a silent agreement, they still hesitated. The door opened towards the inside and from what Levi could see with a slight tiptoe, even the door was barricaded. As Levi took a closer look at Hange, he realized that that could have been one of the reasons she was hesitant to go in.

“I saw this pretty cool dunk through this window. I wish you could have seen it.”

“I’ve seen a lot of cool things today already.”

“Yeah, but a few more cool things wouldn’t hurt.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just look at them on Youtube after. You got a name?”

“I’m checking his jersey… The name is too far… Can’t see it from this shitty view. It starts with a K… And it looks like a really long name.”

“Kirstein?”

“Can’t tell…But that doesn’t sound like a long name.”

The buzzer rang loud enough that even Levi found himself jumping at the sound. Cheers followed which Levi had to admit, had been a worse ordeal for his ears than the buzzer of a while ago.

But maybe the wait will be worth it. Levi told himself and he willed himself to be patient. “Let’s wait by the side of the door. People are gonna be going out soon.”

“I wish we could have been earlier. I would have wanted to see more dunks.” Hange whined. “You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone dunk in real life until now.”

“Well, maybe one day I’ll take you to watch a basketball game live,” Levi said as he leaned on the wall to the side of the gym.

“The tickets are expensive.”

“Aren’t your parent’s filthy rich?”

“Well, they thought games were a waste of time…”

“After we graduate, then we get jobs, maybe we can watch together.”

“That would be nice.” Hange leaned on the wall right next to him. Leaning her head back, she looked to Levi and gave him a playful smile. “Then after that, we can go watch some Major League Baseball and some diving tournaments too.”

It was only then Levi realized he had leaned his head back in the same manner. The way she had mimicked it had been comforting and he found himself following suit. “Maybe we can watch a gymnastics competition or a skating competition?”

“And maybe when we earn more money… Let’s watch the olympics together.”

Levi smiled. “That’s the dream.” He looked at the sky above him, avoiding Hange’s gaze. With the price of the tickets and the distance of the venues though, Levi was aware that it was a distant dream.

But something inside him nagged.

Two months ago, actually making the olympics wouldn’t have been such a distant dream. His coach had talked about the Olympics many times before already, talking about scouts, about post graduation training with the national team. He wondered how pathetic he was at that moment, shifting from dreaming to make the Olympics to dreaming of just watching. It was a short episode of melancholy and maybe if Levi had indulged it, it would have lasted longer.

It was something he willed himself not to show Hange though and instead, he stared up at the sky, willing himself instead to silently admire the view. From his peripherals, he was relieved to see Hange had done similarly.

Noon had shifted to afternoon so subtly. Looking straight up at the light blue, didn’t hurt so much anymore and he suspected it was late afternoon already. He knew they should be leaving soon if they wanted to catch Mikasa’s tournament.

The melancholy weighed on him. As if Hange understood though, she was silent and she didn’t pressure him to move just yet. Levi slid back down on the ground, letting the crutches fall in front of him.

“You okay?” Hange asked, sliding down to a sitting position next to him.

No, I’m not. Levi would have answered. When he looked at Hange though, he saw understanding, as if she knew what would have only been the correct answer to that. But you aren’t okay either. Levi had to note, so it would have only served to stoke the fires of her own vulnerability to admit his own. So he went for a kind in-between.

“I know we’re both not okay. We just have to ride through this until shit gets better,” Levi said, giving Hange the best authentic smile he could muster which felt like more of a lopsided grin in the end.

Hange took a deep breath. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” She returned that smile with her own and Levi was certain her own smile had been a better rendition of what he had.

“Jean! Hey! Come back here.”

Levi had done a pretty good job of tuning out the crowds that had been exiting the gym since a while ago. When he looked back to the entrance to see Jean and an unrecognizable teammate just outside, he was almost surprised to see their surroundings almost completely empty, especially when compared to a while ago.

“You can’t just leave. Coach will kill us.”

“I said, I’ll follow. It’s just a celebratory dinner. It’s not like we’ll lose our ticket to regionals if I don’t go.”

“But you scored the winning dunk.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jean asked. “Besides I am going. I’ll just be late.”

The player next to Jean cleared his throat. “Is this about her?”

“Yes. I wanna watch her jump. Is that so bad?”

“Mikasa’s gonna have other tournaments you know.”

“But we’re going to be busy with regionals. Who knows how many times I’ll be able to catch her tournaments before graduation.”

There was an awkward silence between them and Levi was almost tempted to use that moment to approach Jean. Even with some support from Hange though, it had taken Levi more than enough time to push himself to a standing position.

“God you’re such a simp Jean.”

“Cover for me Caleb.”

Caleb walked back into the gym and Jean started to jog, making his way for the main path. Levi was sure with his current state he wouldn’t be able to catch up. It was as if Hange though had read his mind.

“Excuse me!”

Levi followed at a much slower pace, only able to catch up because the two had slowed to a stop in the middle of the main path.

“Mikasa Ackerman? Yes! She’s my classmate.”

Levi noted the light blush on Jean’s face as he spoke. “We wanna watch the tournament too,” Levi added, slowing to a stop beside Hange. “Could we walk there together? This is our first time here so we might get lost.” A partial lie. It wasn’t their first time but they had looked at the map on their phone enough times to have sworn on their life that the path they were taking was correct.

Jean had looked surprised at first, but his dumb expression had quickly shifted to something much friendlier. “I’d be happy to take you two there.” He held out his hand. “Jean Kirstein.”

Hange had been the first to take his hand in a friendly gesture. “Hange Zoe.”

The pleasantries were quickly forgotten and their conversation had shifted to other things. Along the way, Levi had stopped listening as it shifted to conversations on air time and agility exercises.

Just like Hange to want to talk about that. Levi thought. That was the thesis she had wanted to do after all.

Levi allowed himself to trail behind a bit, letting the two grab a bit more distance.

That gave him a good view of the two, side by side. And they have been side by side before, Levi recalled that much. They had discussed strategies, paperwork, war conditions many times before.

Levi took advantage of that distance between them. To further indulge that little picture of a memory, Levi whispered two names under his breath. Commander Hange Zoe and Commanding Officer Jean Kirstein.

That at least added some realism to the view. And Levi was sure he’d remember enough to write pages worth when he got home.

*******

“Looks like we haven’t missed a lot,” Hange said.

“You missed the first few heights but those were too easy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mikasa sat it out.” Levi commented. He looked to Jean who was gesturing for them to follow as he climbed up the bleachers.

And he kept his focus on Jean the whole way up. The high jump event was his domain and although he had hoped to keep a low profile during the event, a part of him knew that it would be almost impossible. Although his face could be almost forgettable and maybe unnoticeable in the crowds, the crutches only made people stare. And when people stare, they have a tendency to look at faces. And when they look at faces they recognize, sometimes they talk.

Levi had learned that lesson so many times before already. At least though, with every lesson learned, he had gotten better at brushing off the whispers. On top of the quick introductions, the familiar faces on the bleachers had been a very helpful distraction as well, one unbothered and the other, the complete opposite, a little too curious about everything.

Eren and Armin.

“You’re late Jean. Weren’t you the one who so excitedly told Mikasa you’d show up to cheer her on?” Eren asked.

“Hey, I’m here right now. Besides, I knew you and Armin were going to show up anyway. You always do.” Jean said, raising his hands defensively. He looked back at the field as if searching for her among the athletes. “So when is she jumping?”

“She got eliminated.”

Jean buried his face in his hands. “You’re kidding.”

“Eren, she sat out the easier heights right?” Levi had to note that at first glance, it did look like Mikasa wasn’t there. He suspected that the bench where Mikasa was sitting was just a little obscured from their view on the bleachers. He had done similarly too often for it to be anything but routine.

“Oh, you’re familiar with how high jump events work. Better than horseface here,” Eren gave the still recovering Jean a side glance before looking back at Levi. Eren’s unbothered face was far from menacing.

With his own store on his side and his own thoughts, Levi found himself still a little too careful. “I’m a little familiar...” Levi said, letting his voice trail off as he looked back out at the field.

“Excuse me.” Someone spoke up from behind him.

Levi was quick to look back. Compared to Hange who was already so engrossed on the happenings on the field just below, Levi was far from entertained. The heights were still much lower than what he would have considered entertaining.

It was Armin who had called out to him. “Are you Levi Ackerman?” He asked. The blonde seemed so unsure of himself that Levi had half the mind to deny it there just to play with him for a while. Didn’t Jean introduce us already?

“Why do you ask?”

Armin put a hand at the back of his head and flashed a sheepish grin. “Well, ever since Mikasa got into high jumping, I started to get a little more familiar with the high jumping scene. Also Eren, didn’t your brother talk about him?”

Zeke Jaeger.

“He mentioned that Levi Ackerman was injured, probably sidelined for life…” Eren trailed off, he looked pointedly at Levi’s casted knee. “Is that it?”

“So you are Levi Ackerman…” Armin said, a little more certainty in his tone.

“Wait, who’s this Levi Ackerman? Are you related to Mikasa?”

Levi shrugged. He didn’t know the best way to answer it either. Do I say distant relatives? He opted for a safe yet vague. “Maybe.”

The three boys didn’t ask anymore. The crowds exploded into cheers, and in their own little corner, the five of them fell silent as Mikasa made her way to the center and approached the starting line of the runway.

Levi quickly estimated the bar to be at 1.8 meters, too high for most high school students. So high that only two had cleared the height. And if Mikasa cleared it, that meant three people would be moving on to the 1.9 meter bar.

Or when Mikasa clears it. Levi corrected himself a second later as he watched Mikasa run to the take off box.

The crowd cheered as she landed. It had done little though to pull Levi back to reality. The cheers were merely fading background music as Levi replayed that jump in his mind. Everything from the run to the take off to the landing, everything from the smallest twist mid air had been seamless and Levi only noticed a second later his mouth had been wide open.

Mikasa wasn’t the tallest among the jumpers either, as if she relied as well on her own flexibility to get her through the bar.

“Levi, that’s how you used to jump,” Hange said. That had been enough at least to pull Levi out of his trance. “Now do you get how it felt to see you jump?”

Levi didn’t answer instantly. His first instinct had been to look back at the Youtube videos and the Instagram videos of himself Hange had shared to him a while back. He couldn’t have jumped like MIkasa. Back when he had watched his own videos, he never felt the goosebumps, or his hair stand up, or that sudden need to drop his jaw and leave his mouth wide open for a good few seconds.

But his view of Mikasa had been organic, it had been an experience, unmarred by camera angles, commentaries and video edits. Real life didn’t have video edits, and with his own first hand experience, he had the freedom and the convenience to continue to follow Mikasa, long after her jump was over.

He ignored the next two who had failed at the 1.9 meter height, completely eliminated. He had only surmised their own fate from the less than enthusiastic cheers from the crowd that followed each attempt. He continued to follow Mikasa, all the way until her second jump, focusing on the way her body curved so easily above the bar, the way her body twisted into a more comfortable angle mid flight.

As if she’s been flying her whole life.

“Ladies and gentlemen! We have a champion! Mikasa Ackerman!” The announcer chimed. But they weren’t cleaning up yet.

“There’s one more event: the men’s event, then after that the awarding,” Armin explained.

Levi shifted his attention once again to Mikasa who was making her way away from the center.

Towards the audience. Towards the front row. Levi followed Mikasa s gaze, to see a familiar back profile at the front row. The man only stood up from his seat, making the situation all the clearer for Levi.

“Coach Greg is here?” Of course, he’d be here. He’s recruiting.

He didn’t look like he was successful at recruiting though. From his spot towards the middle of the bleachers, Levi could see the way Mikasa shook her head, the way she had given the most apologetic smile and the way she walked back to the bench where her other teammates were, looking completely unbothered by that rejection.

He’s recruiting Mikasa? Levi thought.

In reply, Coach Greg looked back at the bleachers. He caught Levi’s gaze almost instantly as if he had known Levi would have been there the whole time. Levi had trained with him enough to know what he wanted just by the expression on his face.

“Levi, where are you going? The men’s jump event is about to start.”

It had been months since he trained with him, but years of old habits were still hard to break. Before Levi even noticed it himself, he had scrambled onto his feet and maneuvered through the crowd in the bleachers.

*******

“I saw you enter the venue mid match. Honestly happy to see you watching tournaments again and I’m sure a lot of the fans are happy to see you too.”

If by happy, you mean gossiping. “Jumping is hard to completely give up,” Levi replied.

The two had settled on a bench, only a few meters away from the emptiest bleachers. The screams and cheers were still audible and sometimes, comprehensible. But there was still enough peace and quiet to manage a fair conversation.

“How’s your knee?”

“I’m sure you’ve talked to Erwin about it already.”

Greg grinned sheepishly at it. He dropped his shoulders with a sigh. “I was hoping he would have given you a better prognosis. He told me you were gone from jumping for good… I just thought…”

“My last season is over. You’re already preparing for regionals and I can still barely walk,” Levi said as he gave a pointed look at the crutches he leaned on the side of the bench.

“With physical therapy…”

“I can barely walk right now because of physical therapy. We were going too fast.”

“So anything after college might be impossible huh?”

“I’m taking this one step at a time. It was a painful experience. And with the extent of it, Erwin had told me multiple times even post surgery, it might never return to pre injury state. With the competitiveness of the high jumping scene… my height… I feel like these were all just signs to just move on from it all.”

Greg dropped his shoulders and shook his head. “You were something else though. I didn’t think someone of your height could have dominated the high jump. It was like your body knew the exact moments to get you through the bar every time. As if it was completely used to being mid air.”

“Maybe my body is just used to flying,” Levi said. “Maybe I was born and built for these types of sports. But I'm sure you're aware, no matter how inclined someone is to sports, careers don’t last forever. We all have expiry dates. And mine was just a lot earlier than others.”

“But you could have made the Olympics with your numbers.”

“But the accident happened and I don’t think I’ll ever achieve those numbers again,” Levi said matter-of-factly, so realistically it hurt even when Levi was sure he had long gotten over it.

“So, what are you focusing on now?” Greg asked, an attempt at digression.

“Studies, submitting my thesis, passing my last few classes…”

“Maybe when studies die down a bit, you can visit every now and then. After winter break is over, maybe you could even help get the new recruits up to speed.”

Levi raised one eyebrow at Greg. “You have one in mind?” Mikasa Ackerman?

“Mikasa Ackerman.” As if Greg had read his mind, he had repeated those same exact words with the exact same tone Levi had heard it in his head. “Are you two related?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“With the way you’re saying that, I'm guessing not close enough to talk to her.”

“Talk to her about what?” Levi asked.

“About considering Paradis University. She has that type of talent that only comes once every five years.”

“But if she’s committed to another university…”

“She’s not. In fact, she told me herself, she might not even go to university.”

“Why not?”

“She told me there was someone she didn’t wanna leave behind. You think you might know something about that?”

An all too familiar turn of events. Levi’s answer to his coach’s question had been a resounding yes. But he wasn’t telling him about that yet. ‘I’ll try to talk to her. Then I’ll see what I can do.”

The conversation ended soon after that with a quick promise to keep in touch. His coach hurriedly got back to the tournament and Levi found himself alone on the bench once again.

His knees ached, his arms were stiff from all the walking. And he decided for himself that a men’s jump event would not be worth the struggle of hobbling back to the bleachers.

*******

“There you are!”

Levi only had a few minutes of peace and quiet before it was interrupted by the familiar brunette who settled next to him on the bench. It had interrupted whatever trance he had gotten himself into. Either way, it was still a welcome sight. “You’re not watching?”

“I thought you went to the toilet or something but when you didn’t come back… I kinda realized you might have left because you didn’t wanna watch so I got worried. You wanna go back home?”

“I’m tired. So honestly, yes.” Levi shrugged his shoulders and did some test stretches. His body was aching from having maneuvered in crutches the whole afternoon. He could have sworn, he had reached well more than a thousand steps just walking the university, enough to expect an admonishing stare from either Erwin or his physical therapist.

“Well, we should be going back. We have to do some last minute packing since tomorrow is our last day.”

“Wait, before we leave. I was hoping to get some lead on Mikasa. I wanted to talk to her. Maybe after final exams or something.”

Hange gave him a cheeky grin. She held out her phone in an exaggerated manner. “That’s done already.”

“You got their contact details?”

“I had a pretty pleasant conversation with Armin, Jean and Eren, enough at least to get them to wanna keep in touch.”

“Keep in touch about what?”

“Thesis maybe? Future career prospects?”

“You’re meeting with a bunch of high school students?”

“Armin applied to Paradis University so there’s a lot to talk about and he said he could help out with my thesis. Besides, weren’t you the one who said you wanted to talk to Mikasa?”

“I’m doing my coach a favor.” Levi said, emphasizing those last words a little too much, he started to feel a little ridiculous a second later.

Hange raised one eyebrow in disbelief, only making Levi further regret attempting such a ridiculous lie. A smile played at Hange’s lips. “You know, I’m glad to see you’re reconnecting with your team again.”

Levi returned that smile with his own. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re reconnecting with your thesis again.”

*******

“I talked to the dorm. Scholars can get a good bed space for a cheap price, or maybe even free. You just have to sort out the paperwork, get some paperwork signed by your professor then the scholarship office. After that, we wait for approval. So, in the meantime, you could stay in a motel or something.``

“That’s the plan,” Hange said, her tone a mixture of despondence and exhaustion. Not too surprisingly, she was lugging boxes, lining them towards the entrance of the room as they spoke. “My parents are gonna pick up a lot of these boxes, probably put them in storage back home. And this…” Hange drops a purple suitcase in front of him. “Is all I’m bringing.”

“You’re serious about this huh?”

“Were you doubting it?”

Levi sat and stared at the luggage, his expression unchanging. “This just seems like a huge change.”

“This happens with everyone else anyway. I’m a senior in college. I’ll find a job, take out a loan then rent some cheap studio apartment just outside the city.”

“Studio apartments aren’t cheap, even if they are outside the city. Would you be able to afford that with the entry level income of one person?” Somehow, a part of Levi was still hoping Hange would make amends with her parents. Despite her having proven multiple times she was sure with her decision. She seemed happier then, more confident, more free. But at what cost?

“Then I’ll get a roommate,” Hange said.

“That’s a reasonable plan.” Levi said. “Well first things first. Fix those dorm papers, finish your thesis.”

“Thanks for the help Levi. Really, it means a lot.” From the firm determination of a while ago, Hange’s gaze softened to something else, something Levi had sworn he had only seen long ago, in another lifetime.

“You’ve done a lot for me too,” Levi said.

“You won’t be much help now since I’ll just be lugging boxes so feel free to just write or something until we’re ready to leave. Or you know, you could go ahead to your dorm. I’ll just contact you if I need to.”

“No, I’d rather stay.” Levi looked back at his laptop and opened his document. He had written a few words the night before as soon as they had arrived home.

Armin Arlert. Jean Kirstein. Eren Jaeger. Mikasa Ackerman. Connie Springer. Sasha Braus. Historia Reiss. The names had worked magic on the draft. With the names where they needed them to be, the story became more vivid than he had expected. He lost count of the amount of words he had written the night before, but he was sure he had added at least five pages.

And his head throbbed at that moment as he scanned through the file, reminding him of how much sleep he had sacrificed to get it written. At the least, he had managed to understand what had gotten them to the point in the woods, he understood why it had been he and Hange of all people who stuck together.

They cared about the younger soldiers for sure. But they had been the only two veterans remaining.

And what did you ask me back then? Levi asked silently as he watched Hange move the boxes one by one, lining them along walls from one corner all the way until the entrance.

Hange looked as if she were in a trance. But if their eyes had met at that moment as he thought of the question, would she have read his face, would she have known what he was asking then? Probably not. But Hange was perceptive and she had made some good guesses on his thoughts a few times already.

Maybe we should just live here together? Right, Levi? Levi wrote those words, somewhere at the bottom of the page, under descriptions of trees, stars and a glowing campfire. He wrote under it descriptions of the pain of fresh stitches, half opened wounds and the beginnings of a fever.

“You know, Hange. There was a war. This anti military faction took over, and we ran away to the woods and ----”

“Don’t tell me!” Hange interrupted. She dropped one box on to the wall, much harder than usual. “I haven’t reached that part. I wanna enjoy your story.”

“Sorry.”

Hange approached him and sat next to him on the wall by the window. Her voice was much softer as she spoke up again. “No need to apologize. I just wanna be in the best mood when I read it. Maybe I’ll catch up after final exams before winter break,” Hange said. “Besides last time I checked all you had were unfinished sentences and bullet points.”

“It’ll be finished way before then.” Even as he spoke, he was typing and Levi found himself marveling at his own ability to keep two conversations at once.

“Really? Don’t you have studies to deal with?”

“I know how it’s gonna end already.”

Hange gave a hum of approval. “Then I’ll hold your word to it. I look forward to reading it then.”

If we keep running and hiding, what will that get us… I know you’re not able to stay out of the action.

Levi had ended up writing those last few lines to the disturbed rhythm of the thumps as boxes were dropped one on top of the other.

Yeah. That’s right. I can’t. He capped off that final paragraph with Hange’s one final response. Even fully wide awake with the afternoon sun illuminating the well ventilated condominium, even with the sound of the traffic down below only made louder by the windows left open, Levi still saw her, so vividly as if she were a dream. He memorized her face then, everything from the way her brow knitted, her forehead puckered. The way her glossy eyes showed nothing but a faded glimmer.

Yet it was a glimmer and in that, Levi saw desire. A desire for something else.

And then what happened? It couldn’t have ended there. He had filled in many of the gaps himself already. He had already found the missing pieces and pushed them into place. The story had ended so anticlimactically though and Levi found himself scraping the recesses of his mind for anything he may have missed, a futile attempt.

And maybe it was futile because Hange had interrupted him a second later. She had his two plump overnight bags slung over her one shoulder. She turned her chin slightly towards the entrance. “Let’s go.”

Levi pulled himself up from the window sill. “Give me one of my bags. You shouldn’t be carrying all that.”

“You shouldn’t be carrying all this,” Hange argued, looking pointedly at his leg. “Let’s go.” She went ahead, not looking back. Along the way, she had stopped, gesturing for Levi to make the distance towards the door and out into the hallway.

Levi looked back at her to see she was still standing at the entrance leaning on the door frame, leaving one hand on the open door swung inward. She made no movement, no explicit intention to leave just yet. He felt no need to hurry her either. Moving out was no easy task after all.

“I know you don’t like messes Levi ” Hange spoke up, her voice once again the lifeless drawl that never failed to hurt Levi even a bit.

“Really?” It was obvious, Levi had acknowledged that he had hated it. But he never remembered explicitly telling Hange about it. He was lodging in her place for free after all.

“You wrinkle your nose every time I leave something lying around. And you don’t think I noticed the way things magically cleaned themselves while I was away?”

“If you don’t want to, I won’t. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, I appreciate it. I think you did a lot of good for my space. Honestly, I’m more sorry that I couldn’t provide you anything cleaner…” Hange trailed off. It seemed like she was ready to say more. She looked back at him and took a deep breath, opened her mouth but stopped herself midway. ”And for a while I was a bit self conscious about it but I think I get it now.”

“Get what?

“I get now why I like messes and clutter. And I guess I just wanna point it out now, so maybe you’d understand?” Hange moved away from the doorway and out into the hallway. “Look, it’s clean.”

It was easy for Levi to put the scene of her condominium from a few months ago and the scene in front of him side by side in his mind. There were too many things he could have pointed out at once though. The room in front of him then, was much larger and more spacious than Levi could have ever imagined, especially with the boxes all lined up towards the wall. It was immaculate, any other day he could have used the picture of the room as a blank slate, something to calm him in between stressful situations.

But side by side with the room from weeks ago, hell back to the room months ago before he had started to stain it with his own brand of cleanliness, Levi wasn’t thinking of words like clean or immaculate.

It feels lifeless. But he wasn’t telling her that. Not just yet, when the fastidious side of him was still trying to process such an opinion borne out of his cleanliness-loving mind.

It was as if Hange was giving him no time to process though. “Do you get it though? Why I like my rooms with a little clutter?”

Levi gave up on processing, instead submitting to whatever tirade was coming out of Hange then.

And she was getting a little more emotional and a little more attached as she spoke. Because when everything's scattered everywhere, I always feel like I’ll have to fix it soon right? And when I have to fix it, I’m reminded that I’ll be coming back. But now…”

Levi jumped at the crack in her voice. He went forward and closed it, and it had felt like ripping off a band-aid. “Let’s go Hange.”

“I don’t have anything to return to now. It’s gonna be dorm and motel hopping until I get a job and can afford to find a new place,” Hange continued.

The two walked towards the elevators. Hange had kept her strides so slow and steady it had been a little too easy for Levi to catch up. With that, he had a little more time and space to reflect, come up with something more comforting than ripping of a band aid.

That part was easy at least. “You don’t have to have anywhere to return to.” Levi spoke up. “I think, what’s important is that people have someone to return to...”

“‘Someones’ like that are hard to find.” Hange looked at him. Then, Levi had a good view of her, her eyes glistened with what looked like unshed tears, the lines under eyes only told of pent up exhaustion, an all too familiar expression, almost a reflection of Hange that night in the woods.

It had been too easy to assume he had heard those same words as she looked at him expectantly then.

Maybe we should just live here together? Right, Levi?

But that wasn’t the time for a yes nor was it a time to echo the invitation or the words she had mentioned right there in the forest. It wasn’t a time either to tell Hange what had happened in the woods many a lifetime before.

But Levi still spoke up, his own reply tweaked for that situation alone. If he had been any more aware, any more hesitant, he would have pulled back, discouraged already by the many other arguments his mind was able to conjure.

She doesn’t remember about that time in the woods.

She’ll think you’re crazy.

Aren’t you comfortable with where you are already?

He clocked it then as a risk. A risk he was still very much willing to take. It came out of him as something spontaneous, as an explosion inside him raring to go out despite all the doubts glomping down on him.

It had been powered by something, that was for sure. But was it frustration? Regret?

“You know Hange, if you don't want me to, I won't leave. I’d gladly stay here by your side. ”

He didn’t think too much of the motivation though, what mattered was that it did come out. And in its own way, it had left him a little lighter, and maybe a little relieved.

*******

“So what happened after?” Shela asked soon after she had scrawled another few words on her clipboard.

Levi shrugged. “That’s it. That’s how the story ended.”

“Really? With a half confession in the woods? You didn’t even say yes.”

Levi had spent the past week since they moved out of the condominium trying to write in between fixing paper work for Hange’s move to the dorm, cramming school assignments and studying for finals that was looming in the month ahead. He would have loved to blame his inability to write on his shitty schedule.

But I had more than enough time to write. He had at least an hour a night to write before bed. On good days, that had been more than enough to get something written.

“Is school getting busy? Physical therapy?”

“No.”

“Then why can’t you write a more satisfying ending.”

“That’s how it ended.”

“With a half baked confession?”

“Captain Levi was suffering from wounds after an explosion. It’s a miracle he even lasted that long.”

“So you think he died?”

“Maybe.”

Shela looked out the window, her expression unreadable. “What if you two did run away to the forest?”

“That would have been a nice ending.”

“Then why not make that the ending?”

“Because that didn’t happen.”

Shela shook her head in disbelief. “This doesn’t seem believable to me. Please try to continue writing.” She turned his laptop back to him and Levi found himself blankly staring at the open google document.

And the more he stared, feeling Shela’s observing eyes boring into him as he did, the more he realized how ridiculous that last sentence was.

I know you’re not able to stay out of the action.

It sounded like the awkward dialogue that preceded a horribly placed commercial break or ad, something Levi would have scoffed at as any other viewer or reader.

“But it’s not like I’m sharing this to anyone else,” Levi said.

“You’re sharing it to me and I’m not satisfied. There should be more to this.”

Levi looked up at Shela and back at the document a few times before deciding on his next plan of action. Shela’s glare was uncompromising and she didn’t look like she would take no for an answer. The document in front of him though, that tiny blinking cursor on the screen was calling to him, the bottom part of the page was blank.

And maybe there was something, albeit little, that can be done flogging a horse that was just almost dead. There were still a few more lines of dialogue that made its way to the pages and Levi was surprised he had enough of that clearly etched in his mind for it to so easily flow into the pages in front of him.

Shoot or listen. It’s up to you.

The last few lines had all been dialogue. But as he turned the laptop back to Shela, the latter seemed at least willing to accept that. “This still looks a little too abrupt...” she commented “ You sure this is how it ends?”

“Captain Levi could have gotten shot. Maybe he died.”

Shela dropped her shoulders in defeat. “Progress is still progress. Do me a favor and please think long and hard about what happens next.”

“I really think it ended with the conversation in the forest.” Levi turned the laptop back to himself, closed the window and shut down his laptop. “But I can try to get something else written out… Maybe a few more scenes?”

“Don’t try." Shela gave Levi a knowing look. “I want you to do it.”

And that look bore holes into him, Levi could have sworn she was a mind reader with the way she followed the laptop with her eyes as he placed it back into his bag. He wouldn’t have been too surprised if she could tell the contents just by looking through the hardware.

Levi had to admit though, what Shela was suspecting, was right. There was more to the story and these scenes nagged at him from the deepest pits of his mind, pleading for their own time to let loose.

They were terrifying though. They were unsettling and Levi was in no position to entertain them.

Not just yet.

Or maybe he never would. Maybe he would be happy never entertaining them again.

So maybe captain Levi died? Maybe they ran away in the woods? There were questions that had been echoed by Shela, questions that had been so easily answered by dreams that he had forced himself to forget soon after he woke up.

The complex emotions though, were very much answerable with a simple question, a simple explanation that Levi was in no obligation to expound on.

“But… Endings don’t have to be satisfying right? What if I just don’t wanna write anymore?”

[dourpeep]

Seeing people complaining about the lack of anniversary rewards is getting so tiring. The game's ratings dropped to like 2 on Google play, all comment sections of official accounts are full of complaints. I know and understand that people are upset but it's just so so tiring to the point where I unfollowed most accounts that aren't related to fanart or fanfiction because of all that negativity

I personally spent (a little) money on the game so I get where p2w players come from but idk. I saw that we didn't get anything and moved on pretty quickly. Maybe that's just me, idk

Maybe you have a different view on this and if so, I'd like to hear it

Sorry for ranting in your inbox

hehe no need to apologize because I have quite a bit to say myself nodnod

Read if you like, don't if you don't--this is just my opinions and stuff based off my experience knowing Eastern gatcha games as well as talking about using a 5* vs 4* of the same build + slot

This got kinda long ehe-

Like really long.

Anyway

My turn for a Hot Take (tm)

Yeah I understand this--I've been feeling so drained and my enjoyment of the game and writing has diminished immensely because all I see everywhere is just that.

I understand that the event rewards suck but at the same time? I realize how gacha aren't really popular here in the West--and I have seen a lot of comparison between Genshin and Cookie Run but they're also two entirely different genres despite both being gacha. Not to mention that Cookie Run is fast at first until you get to around uhh Kingdom lvl 37~~ and you're stuck and can't go forward because things cost too many materials or your cookies aren't strong enough even though you have several stars on your team consisting of epics built as optimally as possible-

So the maintenance rewards for Cookie Run have been the only significant amount of gems I've been getting for a few weeks now compared to when I first started and could do 10 roll after 10 roll.

Also also, Cookie Run is PvP (arena, guilds, etc). Being able to get more rolls is absolutely a gamechanger. If you can't get a good defense cookie or healer cookie, you're fucked.

So!! That's why Cookie Run is more generous with rolls. You're not going to want to keep fighting other people in the Arena or doing Guild stuff if they don't add in those generous rewards.

On the other hand, Genshin Impact is an open world rpg w/ co-op (note, co-op doesn't count as pvp because you're collaborating) where you can build pretty much any of the characters to be viable (dps/vampire Barbara is one major example, Noelle is a guarantee roll character for that beginner's banner and she can easily be built to be a tank/healer/dps to fill whatever slot you desire)

So they're not going to be incredibly generous w/ rewards because the characters you have--meta or not--don't really effect your ability to play the game (unless we're talking spiral abyss which really is considered endgame anyway) when you're able to get at least one character of each element for free I mean, you start out with traveler who can be anemo, geo, or electro once you get to the respective places, Amber, Kaeya, Lisa, Barbara (iirc, you need to get to rank 20?), Xiangling (complete spiral abyss floor 3), and Noelle (reduced cost 10roll w/ guaranteed Noelle).

Which would be one of each element and a variety of one of the 5 weapon types nodnod.

Time to talk about builds and why it's not necessary to have a 5* unlike in other gatcha games like Cookie Run (again, a kingdoms builder) before going back to the anniversary stuff

But continuing, like Eula is considered a fantastic 5* character who features a kit that is based around her being a physical damage character. My sibling, C, has her built and she does some insane damage.

On the other hand, I have Xinyan built as a physical dps and if you were to compare their damage?

With crit, C's Eula deals 9k to 14k with Skyward Pride (5* claymore w/ energy recharge substat). With crit, my Xinyan deals 8k to 13k with Song of Broken Pines (5* claymore w/ phys substat) OR 7k to 10k with Prototype Archaic (4* craftable claymore w/ attack substat).

Both C and I agree that they're pretty evenly-matched in the sense of damage output.

We have similar builds focusing on physical damage, however, C's Eula uses 4pc Pale Flame and my Xinyan uses 2pc Bloodstained, 2pc Pale Flame (both have the 25% phys damage bonus for the 2pc). It's also good to note that both their Eula and my Xinyan have a physical dmg % cup.

So just by stacking up more phys on Xinyan, you get a physical dps (with some elemental support capabilities due to her E and Q) you can easily make her deal consistent, reliable damage that is comparable to a fully built Eula. Ofc, I'm sacrificing Xinyan's shield, but since she's built to be a physical dps, it doesn't matter anyway.

Another thing is Zhongli is an incredible shield support. His shield?? Absolutely insane because it's based off his hps. Guess who else has a hp-based shield and heals??? Diona. Another incredibly good support 4* with a shield and healing would be Noelle!

But with Diona, specifically since I did kinda cover over Noelle already, she can easily be built along with her shield having over 100% uptime (like how Zhongli has over 100% uptime). The fact that Diona is also a healer definitely is a perk too.

Ofc the difference with this is that Zhongli can be built as a burst support/dps while Diona is not. But the point isn't that--the point is that you don't need a 5* shield support to have a good, reliable shield support.

But regardless of 4* or 5*, to get a viable character, you need to build them well. So if your character isn't doing satisfactory damage, you just have to take a quick peek at what artifacts they're running and fix as needed!

Another thing--

Talking about the rewards and stuff for the anniversary-

Generally, gatcha games aren't really that generous with rewards and instead usually have some sort of event. In this case, I'm pretty sure that Moonchase is considered a part of the anniversary which is why it's giving so many rewards- just the primos from the first day alone with the chests and quest was enough for two rolls (40 chests * 5 primos each + 60 from the quest and a few that I forgot where they come from but are from the event) as well as the 4* Luxurious Sea Lord claymore.

Before you say that it's shitty for them to make a festival into the anniversary event, I'm certain that people would complain if the anniversary rewards were just a little more than the 10x fates and stuff and that's it because it'd feel like they're skipping over the anniversary entirely. (keep in mind, festivals don't normally give this much stuff in terms of primogems from what we've experienced so far--they're mainly focused on the free event weapon you can get and build like with Festering Desire, Windborne Ode, Dodoco Tales)

Also companies love taking advantage of festivals to make an event bigger + more fleshed out. It'd be otherwise kinda boring to have to just log in every day for a week (not to mention, not everyone does that) and encourages players to play to get rewards.

yeah, that's supposed to work in their favor because they want to keep interest.

So the fact that there's a lot of backlash on everything going on is tiring and also?? I want to make the point that they'll only listen to so much. Getting heard is important, but there will be a point where Mihoyo will just stop listening to the players entirely because all they're getting is a constant barrage of "this event is the worst" "no one likes that character" "(insert character) when???" "okay but where's (blank) rerun?" pasted over the forums, discord, twitter, facebook, instagram--

You can't keep demanding more while also talking shit constantly about the new stuff added because then they'll just not add those new stuff because we (general) seem to never be satisfied.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up just cutting Genshin Impact as a loss entirely if this continues as it has and gets even worse.

But I digress.

Anyway, I agree that it sucks that the daily login rewards for the anniversary are just cut and pasted from the Lantern Rite, but as someone who's played a lot of gatcha games, it's pretty much the standard.

Have a daily sign in for rewards and a big event featuring a ton of stuff you can get instead of having an 'official' anniversary event.

I'm sure there's a lot I'm missing because it's not coming to mind, but yeah. These are my general thoughts on what's happening with the discourse.

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

P S Y C H (ch.4)

We’re getting to the good parts my beloveds. Enjoyyy

Previous // Next

“UA is known for its ‘freestyle’ education system.” Aizawa began “That applies to us teachers too. Soft ball throwing, the standing long jump, the 50 meter dash, endurance running, grip strength, side-to-side stepping. Upper body training. This country still insists on prohibiting quirks when calculating the averages of those records. It’s not rational.

The class stood in shocked silence. [Name] who had read Aizawa’s mind before he began his rant, started sweating anxiously. He had a massively powerful quirk but still lacked confidence in himself. He could not just decide to show off for the class and unlock the full capabilities of his quirk. He was someone motivated by spite and emotions. And it could’ve been his proximity to the successor of OFA but the only emotion he felt in the moment was anxiety. 

[Name] had gone so far off the deep end getting lost in his own thoughts that the sound of Aizawa calling his name made him realize he had zoned out for what felt like a few minutes and hadn’t had enough time to talk himself out of the corner he’d been backed into. “[L.Name]. How far could you throw in middle school?”

“50 meters I think”

“Great. Now try it with your quirk. Do whatever you need to. Just don’t leave the circle. Give it all you’ve got”

‘HA! I could throw 67 meters in middle school. This shitty extra only beat me on the practical exam because he focused on saving the other extras while I took down villains. His achievements don’t matter.’

[Name]’ eyes glowed gold immediately grabbing the attention of a few of his classmates, especially a certain blond and green haired duo. [name] began tossing the ball up in the air and catching it, wondering if he was gonna just levitate the ball from a standing position. It would be an awesome feat to just make it seem like the ball was doing the work. But then he decided he was gonna keep his classmates on their toes. He widened his stance, left foot in front of the right kind of like a baseball player up to bat, took a deep breath and lightly flicked his wrist. 

“It’s important for us to know our limits.” Aizawa said as he turned the device he was holding up for the class to see ‘That’s the first rational step to figuring out what kind of heroes you’ll be”

“Wow this is awesome” “800 METERS???” “He flicked his wrist like he was skipping rocks!!??” 

[Name] took pleasure in his classmates' shock. He could of course feel insulted at the implication he would be weak and useless. But their awe not only stroked his ego but eased his anxiety of constantly being one step behind everyone else. He had huge shoes to fill, being one of God’s chosen. 

“Awesome.. You say? You’re hoping to become heroes after three years??! And you think it’ll be all fun and games?”

A pin dropped.

“Right. The one with the lowest score across all eight events will be judged HOPELESS and will be expelled.”

‘Aizawa uh…’ 

“Where the fuck is that voice coming from” [Name] whispered to himself as he whipped around

“Your fates are in our hands” the homeroom teacher continued with a manic look on his face “Welcome. This is… The Hero Course at U.A High!”

‘I’m a little scared’ [Name] thought ‘But loving the drama’

“The lowest score will be expelled,” a student said “It’s only the first day! I mean even if it weren’t that’s totally unfair!!”

“Natural disasters… Highway pileups, rampaging villains, calamity is always right around the corner. I’d say Japan is full of unfair things. Heroes are the ones who correct all that unfairness. If you were hoping to spend your evenings hanging out at McDonald’s... I'm Sorry to tell you that for the next three years U.A will run you through the ringer”

“I think he reached his word limit for today”

“That’s plus Ultra. Use your strength to overcome it all. So bring it”

“Nope I was wrong he’s still going.”

[Name] did not feel motivated by Aizawa’s speech. He knew there was no way with the way his class reacted to his softball pitch that he would be in last place, so he wasn’t exactly worried about being expelled, but instead he was trying to think of a way to avoid doing too much exercise. Fear of failure vs a deep hate of exercise round one was about to begin. THe exercise? Running.

When it was his turn [Name] made his eyes glow as he focused his telekinesis in his feet, making them lighter just as he picked his feet up. Sort of like another girl in his class. People can call him a copycat all they want but he considered learning from others’ failures and successes a necessary skill for all heroes in training. 

He pretty much did the same thing for all the tests, using his kinetic blasts for more force when necessary like the standing long jump. The slide stepping event was in his opinion lame and unnecessary so he actually got a pretty average score for that one. His grip without using his quirk was 60kg but when using his quirk he crushed the device easily.

When it came time to the throwing event [Name] paid close attention to his classmates. He was the one to beat and so, he felt less like some creep and more like… an opponent scouting out the competition. There were three people he decided were dangerous should they develop their quirks more aggressively. The ash blond who (bakugou he reminded his inner monologue) who scored 705.2 using his explosion quirk, the cute brunette with the gravity quirk and the man of the hour, Izuku Midoriya.

When Midoriya first threw the ball he scored a measly 46 meters and froze in shock. Apparently that’s when he realized who exactly their homeroom teacher was. [Name] might’ve done a little… digging but it still isn’t like he knew who “The Erasure Hero: Eraser Head” was. Said underground hero seemed in [Name]’s terms “smart enough” and immediately made a connection between Midoriya and All Might but failed to grasp just how deep the connection grew. Through a little tough love Aizawa had the OFA successor draw out the limits of his quirk without serious injury, shocking everyone, including All Might and Aizawa himself. 

“!!!”

“Oh no please no fighting someone please stop this” [name] sarcastically drawled as Bakugou launched himself at Midoriya.”What the hell? Explain yourself DEKU!”

“Wahh”

‘?’

[Name]’s fun was spoiled as Aizawa quickly restrained Bakugou. “What is this??” “It’s a capture weapon made of carbon fibers and a special alloy wire. Stop using your quirk already.. I’m getting dry eye over here”

“Okay I think I like this teacher” [Name] though aloud

“Shota Aizawa!”

‘A voiceover???’

“He can nullify the quirk of anyone he looks at! But the effect wears off if he blinks” 

“What a waste of time” Aizawa continued “Prepare for the next event.”

When the events were over everyone gathered to see their ranking. [Name] tried to subtly wipe his sweat in order to keep up the air of his achievements being effortless. Unfortunately he was also mouth breathing so sweat or no sweat everyone knew he was at least a little winded.

“Moving along. Time for the results. Our total scores simply reflect your performance in each of the events. Explaining the process would be a waste of time, so all you get are the final rankings”

‘He’s totally gonna be my favorite teacher. If anything bad happens to him I will kill everyone and then myself’[Name] thought to himself a little too honestly

“Also I was lying about expelling someone”

“?????”

“That was a rational deception meant to bring out the best in all of you”

“Well of course it was a lie” Ponytail said confidently “Didn’t take much to figure that out”

Aizawa, who didn’t want to admit that it wasn’t a TOTAL lie, just excused himself and gave Midoriya a pass to the nurse to heal his finger. [Name] unconcerned for the green haired boy went to take a look at his ranking to find out he was once again first among the students who took the general admittance exams and third out of the total class

‘It was totally the sidestep thing wasn’t it’ he thought to himself before trailing after Aizawa to ask him an important question. He noticed All Might and Aizawa talking and stayed a couple steps behind knowing that he could stay out of sight, keep an eye on Aizawa and eavesdrop using his telepathy. Once they were finished [Name] appeared behind Aizawa and gave All might a polite greeting, shocking the two pros

“[L.Name] go home”

“Just a moment sir I had a question for you. The telepath said before looking at All Might. The giant hero didn’t get the memo “Privately”

“Ah! Yes. I must be on my way. Good day Aizawa! [L.Name]-kun”

“What is it?”

“I noticed that some teachers had… favorites”

“And you think you’re mine?”

“No but I think you’ll be my favorite so I was hoping to get a little ahead of the curve. I was wondering if you could teach me some hand to hand that I could incorporate into my quirk”

“Incorporate?”

“I’m telekinetic amongst other things and I can’t just rely on throwing random objects at an opponent, so I want to reinforce my blows with kinetic energy, that way they pack a bigger punch”

“...I’ll let you know [L.Name]. Go home”

“Thank you sir”

“Yeah”

[ranmanjuu]

—gen z mc with uesugi-takeda + misc. forces

ahh, i’m so glad people liked my gen z oda hcs! lol it’s usually pretty slow from my writing blog experiences until now, but i’m rlly happy! i was planning to do u-t and the others but then i decided to stop at oda and continue another day. thx for the asks tho! and yeah, i do take requests but it’s more of a pasttime, since this whole blog is just my stupid ideas written out and shared out there.

also someone said that a gen z mc could be old enough to romance the warlords, like, early twenties. and yes, very fair if u wanna romance ur mans with memes and existentialism go for it!! i just think it adds more to the comedy side of this child they have to babysit, while not fearing death or any consequences from their dumb of Ass decisions. someone who fears no death and armed with no braincells is a fool, but a Child who fears no death and armed with no braincells is also a fool, but more bizzare and has That Vibe y’know

@niphredil-14​ and @arthotsglasses​

tw: s*icidal, violent jokes treated in a light manner

also spoilers to some things of their characters

—kenshin:

who is this,, , sassy lost child??

he first saw you prepared to throw hands with ronins who were being Elite Dickheads. ofc, armed with nothing compared to the sworded-adults, he had to interfere.

no matter how cold he treated you, masking his secret !!!-like concern, you seemed so unfazed through it. you still interacted with him like normal,,,,, why?? do you want a death wish?

and each time he threatened you with,, anything, you responded with, “the only one who gets to hurt & kill me, is ME”

...... what?

he’s convinced you’re the biggest fool of a person. and he’d be right but even so, he has a weirdly strong need to protect you as you two got closer. you’re often with sasuke, so it’s harder to avoid you.

even with all the Horrible jokes you make on a daily basis, if your passionate side with everyone having equal rights of being treated as human, for him it shows a side of you that makes you seem precious and pure and kind hearted.

and the overprotective side increases.

which is, ,, a bit problematic sometimes cause you have the tendency to target and piss off anyone in a 10 meter range by just one (1) sassy comment, along with your lack of impulse control and blurting out everything in your mind. it’s made you a lot of short enemies in the sengoku period, and kenshin would always be ready to slice them down behind you.

sasuke has to tame him down with his Masters degree in kenshin-wrangling.

at banquets, kenshin would often have you beside him. if you’re too young for sake do age for drinking exist in sengoku? probably not. it’s more of sasuke advising for him to not give you alcoholic drinks he’ll have you pouring for him or just munching away at pickled plums or food.

—shingen:

(ngl i kinda had a hard time with this since it’s erasing a big part of his overall character,,, flirting)

once he heard the news that oda had taken in somone as young as you during honno-ji,, ,,,he’s in a very “how dare that demon >>:( taking such a pure soul,....”

and when you’re taken to kasugayama as a captive, you’re,,, surprisingly very calm and whelmed. you don’t have much sign of fear or anxiety in your overall demeanor meanwhile you’re busy dissociating and spacing out to feel those

you actually don’t seem to hate your captor. but shingen isn’t sure if your ‘fingerguns’ is a good thing or not cause it depicts you pointing guns @ him,, (dw is good shingen)

while yes being held hostage—no matter how good you’re being treated—isn’t ideal and kinda not very cash money, you consider shingen v chill. man has a kindheart!! “i diagnose you with good vibes.”

if he ever sees your righteous side, as everyone else, he’ll deeply admire you. he himself is someone who believes in such as well. and hearing the circumstances in the modern world regarding those things (blm, etc.) his heart truly does go out for you. he feels sympathy for such a young person like you having to take action

also your dirty humor around him, echigo’s player, kind of makes him question where and how you learnt it

and,, his illness.

through getting straight to the point and not falling for it each time he changes subject/dodges the question, you managed to get to the bottom of his illness. shingen himself thinks it’s not something you have to burden with knowing—you’re so, so young.

but that doesn’t matter to you. the world’s given you such a shit time, you’re mature enough to understand the situation at least.

and as he finishes his explanation, all there was is silence. it felt wrong to say any of your usual quips,, so all you did was slowly came there and hugged him.

that was more than what he’d ask for.

—sasuke:

oh hell yeah

you are in your element with him. the chillest guy to talk to, and probably the first one you’re the closest to

your phone was dead after like 2 days of use, and you were miserable while hideyoshi, like a typical parent, told you to go outside and into town. sensing your bad mood, sasuke asked what’s up. you deadpanned, “my phone game ended and now i’m ready to commit not breath.” you oslemnly look out in the bustling streets and clutched your fist like an Anime Protagonist, “those boomer memes were right all along... i am absolutely Miserable and Useless(^TM) without it.”

in response, you could’ve sworn he did the Anime Glasses thing as well, “then we at team Moderately Awesome Sengoku Ninja are happy to announce the launch of a DIY phone charger, made with the electricity from a fruit and the main functionality of a solar panel. and has more durability than samsung’s.”

there were Stars in your eyes now. with a big grin, you thank him, “i’d die for you, sasuke.”

“then perish.” he said with a blank look. (yukimura, in the bg: ???!!!??!??!?)

the next day he consentually breaks in through the ceiling and gives you the weird contraption. you’re now saved, soul-wise.

the memes start coming and they don’t stop coming from the two of you. in any situation. whether it’d be at a teahouse, or at a battlefield that can determine your life and death.

and you can have discussions about current world events, or the past ones, with him and he’d understand completely what you’re talking about. it’s those rare nights when you’ve been thinking and have a deep conversation with him in his room, and as an adult, it makes for interesting results as well.

the others are endlessly confused, but you’re both so unapologetically yourselves.

and he’s super protective if the circumstances are tough. he feels bad for dragging another person in the sengoku with him—much less when they’re so young like you.

if you’re enough of a lil shit, once you’re taken into kasugayama, in the nights where you can’t sleep because brain at what would be 3 am, you’d probably trudge over to his room and wake him up to tell him what kind of mind-blowing shit you realized.

—yukimura:

when he saved you from falling to your death, your reaction already set off weird Vibes inside him. what do you mean, “you stopped me from fleeing this fleeting world by the sweet embrace of death” ?!?!?! are you crazy?? yes

he doesn’t waste time getting blunt with you at all either.

once he goes into azuchi as a merchant, he silently observes you talking to sasuke for a bit. what’s with your weird language?? and crude humor???? never in his life has he met someone in your age act like that wtf

even so, he still operates on the basis of ‘‘if sasuke trusts you, i trust you’’, no matter how utterly concerned you make him feel

you have a dirtier mind than him! unsurprisingly. along with everyone else, you often tease the poor soul, a nd you’d gladly tell him what the innuendoes mean ( 69, etc.) and maybe sprinkle in some gay jokes in there

and why do you keep mentioning this “bromance between him and sasuke” ?? what us,,, a bromance????? and why is sasuke in it??

he takes you out to teahouses to eat chestnut dumplings and other desserts with you. you always seem to target the one he doesn’t like the most and have a bit of banter

your relationship is built on banter but what’s different rlly

he treats you much more maturely than other people your age. as in, he doesn’t pull back his punches in words most of the time. you don’t seem to around him also, it looks like.

and, he’s also very protective of you. he regards you as his little sibling, as rat as you may be. and he does care about you—he might just be a bit unwilling to say it

—yoshimoto:

you think he’s very chill, if a bit unique but who were you to judge. and he is, if you ever meet him in echigo or even azuchi

his big liking to art and something of apathy to people is osmething you can respect. there’s something about that kind of Vibe that you find oddly a mood.

and oh boy oh boy you wasted no time pulling up your phone and showing images of what art is in the future. whether it’d be a screenshot of anime, fanart, aesthetic-like ones, palette-themed—the whole shabang. 

and, somehow, you were left ranting to him  about how some artists in the future get it so shitty for theft, reposting, not crediting, the list goes on (please be a decent human being to artist, sincerely the author) and he can’t help but just listen in silence and kind of thinking about how you’re so passionate about the Struggles of artists. and it isn’t something he sees often in the sengoku era—where war rules most things.

and he does find art from the modern times interesting, how they’re so different and vast in styles. and not only that, it’s not like the future only has one major style like then, each hand can draw such different pictures and still have beauty in each. he appreciates and admires that.

and he does tell you his thoughts ^ while you give your own insight. it’s so fascinating to see someone like you having strong opinions on this.

because, well, rn art is a big thing in our lives as we’re stuck inside. a part of entertainment is looking at any media of art—and he finds his view of art and yours quite the same. you two came from a time of turmoil (one moreso than the other) but still think art isn’t exactly irrelevant just because it isn’t a cure to diseases or the Ultimate Weapon.

you had to Surgically Remove him from your phone so you can use it and to stop him from draining your battery looking at the art

and he often drags you out to town and admire pieces when you’re holing yourself in too much. your comments are always unknown to him, “radical”, “that’s one i can vibe with ngl”, and the list goes on.

and you occasionally call him pretty boy as a compliment rlly

—kennyo:

when you first saw him at honno-ji, and he won’t forget the one (1) line you gave him, all you said to his warning of ooo spooky demons was, “that’s lit fam gtg tho”

and that alone was enough to stun him for a few seconds

honestly you told the others of your meeting with kennyo before they told you it could be kennyo. just a throaway line of “oh yeah there was this dude with a scar across his face.” / “,,, ,....that’s kennyo. he’s really dangerous actually—” / “oh, poggers”

you’re probably kind of half the reason the oda forces found who dun it.

and it was an eye for an eye, kennyo himself found out that you were their child chatelaine, and very close to the others. as per his villain-schedule, he kidnaps you .

he laments about how “such a pure soul such as yours is not to be stained by the demon’s hands”

oh how Wrong he was.

you were the definition of the opposite of pure. and you seemed unfazed, which surprised kennyo but shrugged it off. he was willing to face you screaming and panicking, along with shouldering the sin of doing the deed. but instead, he was met with a raised eyebrow and, “this is unexpected and probably not welcomed but what am i doing here.”

he was stunned for a moment before explaining what he can. 

“......... fuck.”

he cringed ever so slightly at your curse. but your attention seems to stray so quickly off of the fact that you were bounded and helpless, to the fact that you have the man doing unspeakable things to civilians and you absolutely don’t approve.

throwing your common sense to maybe be civilized, you went off on a rant of how human rights and how to not be an ass to him. all he could do was just listened, shocked to even cut you off.

when he did, he gave the whole ‘unsaved demon’ shtick, and you weren’t taking that kinda shit. he believed he was truly unsaved—you knew that. but that doesn’t make it okay.

eventually, he left you with a cold end of the conversation.

he admires your spirit in a way—but with what he’s experienced,,, it’s a bit of unreachable for him.

if at any point you saw the soft side of his with animals, you just gaped at him for a split second and whispered, “the gap moe is strong with this one.”

also old man died inside when you said that you’d fight god, along with many things.

all in all, to him, you’re insufferable. but weirdly,, fascinating.

you’ve totally ok boomer’d him once cause he rlly looks old

—motonari:

,,. if your speech to kennyo was bad, he’s going to rant hell.

motonari already knew you were interesting even when his men just spied on you. your behavior, so brash and impulsive, is going to be so fun to have, he thinks.

through some planning to stir up more chaos, he kidnaps you and brings you unto his ship. same as kennyo, you showed no clear sign of surprise, and that’s when he decided you were either used to this in any way, or a fool. both answers, he liked.

you’re kind of really confused on why he’s doing what he’d doing. “i get it, i like to stir up chaos myself but it’s harmless,, most of it—but not until the people are in danger, bitch.”

and by that line, motonari leans towards you with a deadly smirk, “now, i can bite, ‘kay kid? you don’t wanna be in the receiving end... do you?”

“do it, coward.”

and before he could let out even a wheeze of laughter, you continued on on a lecture of, again, not being a dick and letting people live their life in peace. and much less all of this damage, for what? chaos?? yeah you wanted to see the world burn but it wasn’t literally.

however, his patience was running thin. he shuts you up forcefully, and leaves.

even so, after a cooldown period, he still talks to you (,,,, well, that’s kind of a generous term) because, right he was, you were so fun in his eyes.

an interesting observation he made,,, was that you picked up on his big dislike of physical contact. and he’d think with how annoying you were at times, that you’d weaponize it. but you didn’t—in fact, you kept your space (not that you were planning to get close) and respected his boundaries.

he thinks you a bit of peculiar for that decision, some wary, and perhaps naive.

one of the days—the more dangerous ones—he was planning to take you to the oda as bait or something. and you weren’t taking it like that. two days before arrival, a storm racked up. you stood upon the edge of the ship with the rest of the crew watching you like you were a madman.

“the oda won’t want me if i’m dead, would they now?”

motonari stands in his composure, guffawing, “all i need is to make sure they believe you’re alive, kid.”

a smile that showed absolutely no fear and 1000 percent spite spread in your face, “not unless i decimate my own body until all the trail left is my blood. the only one who gets to do that shit to me, is me.”

finally, a look of wavering shows in his face.

you were saved last minute,, and the rest is history.