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tomtenadia · 4 years ago

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Island Dreams - Chapter 10

Hello everyone! Chapter 10 is finally here and is a good 5k words. I hope you will enjoy. we finally get to know a bit more about Rowan and Lyria and yes, we get to meet her... have your rotten veggies at the ready.

Things are still a slow burn but our lovely are taking one step at a time... they have still too much to deal with. But we almost there. I promise.

Happy reading!

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A couple of days had elapsed and Aelin was on her way to the bookshop with a box in her hands and a smug grin. Once inside the she noticed it was empty. “Rowan?” She called but no reply came. Where the heck was he? “Rowan?” She shouted louder “The shop is open and there is no one around.” With a thus, she dumped the box on the desk and the backpack behind it and went looking for him and found him five minutes later in the back of the shop, deep in conversation with the delivery man. He noticed her arrival and turned “What?” He asked at her annoyed expression. “The shop is unmanned.” Aelin explained, pointing at it with her extended arm. “It was just for five minutes.” Was his excuse. She stormed away and went back to the front of the shop getting ready for another day. Quietly she walked around the shop and took great care in fixing some of the display that looked a bit sad, then she took note of what needed replenishing and restocked some of the most popular titles. They had a few busy days and hoped for a repeat because she was enjoying herself immensely.

“I am back.” Rowan had finally reappeared. “We have been quite busy yesterday, I was just replenishing some shelves.” With a big grin painted on his face he took her hand and dragged Aelin to her history display showing her that her book was now sold out thanks to her display. “I won the bet?” She jumped in excitement, clapping her hands in front of her. “You definitely did and I have to treat you to a massive lunch.” “Told you.” She folded her arms and he smiled back. “I admit my defeat.” Rowan’s hands went up in a yielding gesture. “Good, because I have a present for you.” She walked to the counter and grabbed the box for him while he joined her at her side with a curious expression painted on his face. “Open.” Aelin gave him the box. Rowan opened the box and froze when he noticed it contained a mobile phone. “I don’t understand.” He looked at her. “It’s for you.” Slowly he opened the box and took the mobile phone out “Aelin, this is an expensive gift. I would have bought one if it really meant a lot to you.” Aelin shook her head “No, this is a present from me.” Then searched his eyes “And there might be a little bit of a selfish reason in it.” His expression was puzzled. “The night of the storm, I woke up and I was terrified I wanted to call you and realised I couldn’t. Sometimes I am reading a book and I want to share my reactions with you in the moment and I can’t.” Rowan held the mobile in his hands not sure what to do with it, but Aelin went in his help. She began showing him all the buttons, then switched it on and set it up for him. “Enter you code.” Rowan looked at her, again as if she was speaking a secret language he did not know. “It’s a four digits code that you use to access the phone. You can also set up your fingerprint recognition, but we can do that later.” “When is your birthday?” He asked with curiosity. “September 15th.” “So, 1509 it is” Aelin laughed and entered the code for him. After that she spent half an hour going through all the functions of the basic apps and how to download more. Then she went to the contact list and added her phone humber. “This is my number. Now you can call me and text me whenever you want.” She turned to him and his smile had her toes curl. A moment later she was beside him and pulled him closer and instructed him to put his arms around her neck. Rowan complied and in addition placed a kiss on her temple and in that moment Aelin took a picture of them. That picture became Rowan’s home screen “Perfect,” she muttered, pleased by her job then she turned and gave the phone to him. “You are all set up. You will have to select a ringtone.” “I need to decide which song. Can I add any song I want?” Aelin nodded “Once you have chosen, let me know and I will do it for you.” Rowan played a bit with the piece of technology in his hands that still felt alien to him. “I also have another idea.” She said timidly “Facebook and Instagram,” and again Rowan’s face was one big puzzle and she thought there was something incredibly fascinating in the fact that he didn’t have a mobile until half an hour before and had no clue about the whole world of social media. He was a rare human being. “They are platforms where people share things. Facebook you share things about you and Instagram is for photos.” Rowan flinched. He was not keen on sharing his life on the internet. “But not for you. I have a feeling you would not like that. I was thinking about the bookshop.” She explained “We can create a Facebook page for the shop, on there you can share book recommendations, you can write reviews and talk about new books you get in. You can promote the shop. Instagram you can use it to share photos of the shop and also promote books.” She continued and saw interest dawn on his features “You can advertise your shop on the visit Outer Hebrides website, so if you have tourist browsing for things in Stornoway you will appear in the list.” Rowan was staring at her in amazement “I love the idea very much.” Aelin smiled and launched herself to his computer “Good, now go and deal withe the customers while I work my magic.” “As you wish…”

When Rowan came back from dealing with the customers he noticed that Aelin was very busy at work on his computer. “You know that I will need that soon?” “Paperwork can wait.” She replied not even lifting her head to look at him and Rowan used the moment to admire her a bit more. Everyday since they had started talking, she had surprised him. In every possible way. And now she had gone and transformed into his marketing agent “Why do you care so much?” He was curious. This was not her business but she seemed to have decided to help him in every possible way. “Because independent bookshops are something precious. You are the only one on the entire island. Or at least the only one this big.” Rowan smiled at her and her eyes seemed to turn even more blue. “Speaking of which… orders… You know you could have someone create a website for you and people could place orders online?” Rowan cringed a bit. He was so old fashioned it was pitiful “I don’t know…” his hand scratched the back of his neck. “Ro,” she said, coming away from behind the counter and stopping in front of him. He realised that he actually liked when she called him Ro. “Think about it. You could extend your business from Lewis all the way down to Barra. Other islanders could buy your books online and you’d post them. Of course the postage is at their expenses, but even large bookstore chains do that.” He could kiss her. She was brilliant and he could just kiss her. “I have a friend in London who can help you with the website. You can speak of the phone, he can send you ideas via email…” he noticed she stopped. “Please tell me you have an email.” Rowan rolled his eyes “I might not be evolved enough to have a mobile phone, but I do have an email address and I can use the internet and I buy things online. I am not that much of an underdeveloped oaf.” And he noticed that Aelin began laughing and her laughter was music to his ears. “Sure. Now stop talking. You got customers.” “Yes, ma’am.” and he flashed her a military salute. Once he was done he walked behind her and stared at what she was doing at the pc. “This is you Facebook page.’ And she showed him what to do. How to create posts and update pictures. “So, do I just… talk about books?” Aelin nodded and Rowan took a step closer to her. His chest was not hard against her back. He thought for a moment she would react badly but she surprised him when he felt her leaning into him. His right hand clenched and unclenched at his side resisting the urge to run his hand against her arm, to tuck her rebel strand of hair behind her ear. He restrained himself and just leaned his chin on her head and chuckled. “What? Making fun that I am shorter than you?” “No.” He chuckled again “Just loving that you are the perfect size to fit under my chin. Sooo comfy.” Aelin turned and slapped him gently on his shoulder “Stop mocking my less developed height. Not everyone can be a giant.” “Yes, Fireheart.” And he placed a kiss on the top of her head. “What did you call me?” “Fireheart, you know, like the Queen from Cursed Kingdom.” Aelin looked at him with an expression that he could not decipher. “You remind me a lot of her.” “Because I am hot like her?” Rowan did not reply “You have fire in you. Like her. You are both these amazing women, strong-willed and intelligent…” She was staring at him and he finally removed that lock of hair from her face and his hand lingered a bit longer on her cheek. How could he have fallen so badly for her in such a short time? His head bowed slightly, while his stare was fixed on her lips, imagining how she would taste. She looked up at him, they were so close he could feel her breath. He was about to close the last remnant of space, when someone came into the shop. The two of them jumped apart and Rowan cursed the bad timing. He wanted to kick out the customer and claim the kiss he was robbed of. He stared at her while helping the customer and could not believe that she was leaning into the kiss. She wanted it too. Did it mean she had made her choice? What about Elias? She was still seeing him and could not ignore the sting of thinking of her in the other man’s arms. He was jealous. That was crystal clear. While she was busy he went back to the computer and had a look at her project and he was impressed. She had posted some photos and wrote a lovely blurb about the shop. “What do you think?” She asked, sneaking under his arm so it then was around her shoulder. “I love it.” He said softly. I love you.

A few hours had passed and around lunchtime Aelin had begged Rowan to close and go to Maeve’s to claim her victory meal. Rowan yielded. It had started to slow down a bit so they could afford to close for lunch. “Come on greedy guts. Let’s go and feed you, before you take it out on me.” In response, she gave him a massive toothy grin and grabbed his hand.

By the time they arrived a Maeve’s they were much closer and Rowan had an arm around her shoulder and Aelin was snuggling against him. Her excuse was that she loved his smell and she was trying to cover her clothes in it. “Well, if that’s not a surprise. So I guess you two have finally finished to kill each other.” Said the woman walking them to a table in a corner. “Yeah, I decided that I can keep him alive a bit longer.” “Gee, thanks Fireheart, I am so honoured by your goodwill. I am thy humble servant.” Aelin smiled “Now, stop talking, Buzzard. It’s food time.” She grabbed the menu and began reading. “Buzzard?” Aelin lowered her menu and glared at him “Yeah, when you are mad you have this predatory expression. You look like a bird of prey.” He took the menu from her and hid it behind his back. “Give me my menu.” “The magic word…” “Buzzard…” she stared in his green eyes. “Fireheart…” he returned the menu to her. “I am starving.” And at that Rowan scoffed and Aelin pinched his arm. “What?’ He squealed at the gesture “You are always hungry.” “Now shush.” She told him placing a finger on his mouth. Rowan gave her a few minutes. She was hunched over the menu and her blonde hair had spilled freely in front of her. With his hands he pulled her hair away from her face “How can you read with this wild mane of hair covering your eyes?” Then he pulled all her hair on one side and started braiding it in a nice neat braid and aelin was impressed at his skills. “Hairband?” Aelin removed the hairband from her wrist and Rowan tied her braid. He had lost control. He was aware of that. But he could not stop touching her. He needed the contact with her. After a while Aelin finally made up her mind and placed her order and Rowan did the same, albeit a more normal quantity of food. Once Maeve brought the plates Aelin was ready to dig in as her stomach had started to growl in protest. They were chatting and eating happily when Rowan froze when the door of the cafe opened and noticed who had entered. Aelin recognised the woman as well and under the table Aelin grabbed his hand showing him support. She had noticed his reaction and she wanted him to know she was there for him. Aelin noticed that it was another one of Maeve’s colleagues who served the brunette and not Maeve herself. She had a suspicion that was his aunt’s way to express her displeasure at the woman without being overtly rude. “Rowan.” Said the woman walking toward them and sitting down at the empty chair at their table. Aelin wanted to bite her head off and kick her away for thinking she had the right to sit down with them. In challenge she brought the hand that was on Rowan’s on the table, right in front of the woman’s eyes. It was petty but she did not care. “Lyria…” he finally managed to say something. Lyria looked at Rowan for a second but then her gaze shifted to Aelin and in particular on the had she was holding. His hand. “So, who is your friend, Rowan? Aren’t you going to introduce me to her?” She leaned back on the chair almost in challenge. “I am his girlfriend.” And Aelin put an arm around Rowan’s shoulder and kissed his cheek to prove her point. Rowan in the meantime was stone-faced and silent and she knew she had to fight the woman alone. Well, bring it on. She squeezed his hand almost in apology and her heart ached at his expression. One moment they were having fun, a moment later he looked like a broken man. “What do you want?” He finally managed a sentence but his tone dripped hate. “So you did manage to forget me in the end.” She whispered, but luckily for them the place was quiet “Although I think your tastes have declined a bit.” Aelin was about to punch her. Who was this woman? How could she judge someone she had never met? “I thought you liked women with… more meat.” Lyria grabbed a couple of fries from Aelin’s plate in plain challenge and gave her a smirk that brought rage through her. “I am glad I finally found a real man.” She continued, not caring about the pain she was inflicting on Rowan “One who does not spend his time reading fairytales.” Eventually Lyria stood and went to collect her order, say goodbye to Rowan and leaned toward Aelin “Bye stick.” Aelin jumped up, ready to inflict a beating, but Rowan grabbed her hand. “Leave her.” His tone was strained and that’s all she needed to sit back down and swallow her pride. “She just called me a stick.” Aelin growled “I have curves and boobs.” She sighed and crossed her arms at her chest “What a bitch.” She grabbed one of her fries and dipped it in ketchup “And how dares she touch my food?” Rowan chuckled and finally looked at her. And what she saw in his eyes hurt her. He stood “I just… I need to get out.” He was about to leave but Aelin stopped him ‘I am coming with you.” Rowan shook his head “I need a bit of time alone. Please.” His green eyes were sad again and she just wanted to go to An Lanntair and slap the woman. How dared she treat him like that?” “Okay.” She touched his face and leaned in the touch and Aelin thought it was progress. At least he was not pushing her away. “I’ll call you later.” He kissed her cheek “I am sorry…” “Go. I’ll be fine.” Rowan nodded and left.

Aelin finished her lunch, paid Maeve and left the cafe with renewed purpose. She marched to An Lanntair. She entered the venue and walked to Lyria trying to fight the urge to punch the woman. “Out.” She ordered. Lyria looked at her confused. “Follow me. Outside. Now.” Her voice was a command. Once the two women were outside Aelin finally let go of her anger. “How dare you?” Her voice was full of rage “How dare you treat him like that? Do you have a heart? That man loved you. You were engaged to him. How can you be so mean?” “You are definitely not his type.” Lyria said with a bored expression. Aelin growled “What I am does not matter. What matter is how you treated him and I cannot stand that.” Lyria laughed “Gods, you are in love with him. You just fell for the most boring man alive.” Aelin’s hand clenched “he is not boring. He is a very interesting person, and he is funny.” Lyria’s mocking laughter reverberated in the street “Funny? Rowan funny?” “Maybe he was not funny because of you. Maybe you are the boring one.” Aelin spread her arms and challenged her “Maybe you are the one who is not his type. He likes them with a brain, by the way.” And this time she noticed a reaction in Lyria. “Well, if you love him so much he is all yours. I haven’t had any need of him in a long time.” Aelin was second away from inflicting some form of physical pain on the woman, but then she noticed Lyria’s expression change and a veil of softness appeared in the lines of her face “He was a good man before his injury, and I believe he still is. But after his injury he had to stop competing and something broke in him.” She looked at Aelin “I still loved him deeply at the time. The shop became his new dream. I followed and supported him for a while. He proposed and I said yes, the realised that I was in love with an old version of Rowan and I just left him.” Lyria sat on the bench in front of the community centre “He is a good man. He is sweet and caring. He is perfect for someone.” She finally confessed and Aelin could note a spark of the love she once had for him “But not for me. He became this man obsessed with family and after he proposed he started talking about the future. Our future. He wants the whole romantic deal. I didn’t and I still don’t care for all of it. He deserves to be with someone who can give him that.” Her brown eyes now bore into Aelin’s “And if you can’t give him that, don’t even start this relationship. I hurt him enough. He does not need more pain.” And with that she left and Aelin was stunned at the woman’s words. She felt like crying. She had to talk to Rowan but she had no idea where he went. A text could get her that answer but she doubted he would answer. He clearly needed time alone. So her steps took her down to the marina, she watched the morning ferry dock and people disembark, then with new resolution walked back to the bookshop and opened again without him. The afternoon felt wrong. Not having Rowan in the shop left her with a sense of emptiness. Later in the evening, Aelin was about to switch off the pc and close for the day when she noticed his screensaver. Recognition dawned on her. It was a picture of Butt of Lewis and, if her mind was not playing tricks, she had heard him once mention the fact that he loved that place. She had her answer. Quickly she closed up the shop, locked the door behind her and swiftly ran home. A gut feeling told her that Rowan was at the lighthouse.

It was half an hour later when she arrived at her destination, and when she spotted his car she knew she had been correct. But now doubt settled in her. He had clearly come to this place to stay alone and think and she did not want to intrude. But she could not remove from her mind the hurt expression she saw on him at the cafe. She had to do something. Try at least. And if he’d end shouting at her… well. She’d take that. She got off the car and slowly walked to him. His back to her he was sitting at the edge of the cliff and he was staring at the sea crashing against the cliffs. She was behind him when she heard his voice “I am okay.” He said gruffly. Aelin’s chest tightened. That was not the voice of a person who was okay. Quietly she sat beside him in silence. And for a while they sat side by side staring at the sea. He would talk when he was ready. She was not going to push him. “So, I opened the shop all by myself for the afternoon.” His head whipped to her side and she could spot a weak hint of a smile. “And we had a successful day. I placed a few orders for you and I think I got Miss McKinnon obsessed on a couple of series.” Rowan did not say anything, he just grabbed her hand and pulled her to him “Come here.” A moment later, Aelin was sitting between his legs, his arms wrapped around her and his chin on her shoulder. “I am sorry.” He whispered “It’s just…” Her hands were on his on her abdomen “Shh… no, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.” His arms were tighter around her and she leaned into his chest. “I had a chat with the bitch.” She felt him stiffen at her admission “I gave her a piece of my mind.” “I have no doubt about it.” “Ro, what happened to you? She said you changed after the injury.” Rowan sighed behind her. For a moment she thought he was not going to answer. That was a far too personal question but she needed to know more in order to understand this wonderful complicated man. “I was good. I loved swimming.” He told her “There had been talks as well for me to compete in the qualifiers for the Olympics. I was living the dream. I was still in Glasgow and had to balance uni and a professional sport but everything was perfect.” The pain in his voice was now clear and deep “Then I got back here and I did manage to continue to train. Lyria became my girlfriend and she loved the spotlight.” He sighed again “What I told you the other day was not the complete story.” She squeezed his hand, she hadn’t told him her whole story either “I kept competing for a while and I did manage to get into the qualifiers for the Olympics. Then one day my life just crashed and all went to hell. During training in the gym I was doing weights. An idiot bumped into me. I dropped the weights suddenly and ripped muscles and tendons. I needed surgery and in a matter of days my dream of the Olympics was gone. Recovery took a very long time.” Aelin gasped “that bad?” Rowan nodded “Butterfly stroke was my specialty. It’s a complicated one and after surgery it became impossible to do it again.” “I tried it once. I looked like a demented whale. It was embarrassing.” And finally she heard Rowan chuckle. “I took it badly and for a while I was… cathartic. But Lyria still was beside me. Then the idea for the bookshop came. I had always loved books and I thought that was the way for me to follow a new dream. And you know the rest.” Aelin twined her fingers in his “It’s a nice dream.” “It is.” “I think Lyria always resented me for my injury. I was famous in town and she loved being stopped and having other girl jealous at her for being with me.” “So I assume her current boyfriend is a Hollywood star.” Rowan squeezed the hand back. “I doubt it, but definitely someone with money and a big job. She… likes to be spoiled, and me being a professional swimmer paid a bit more than being a lousy bookshop owner.” “You are not lousy.” Her head turned and searched for his eyes, to tell him how much she believed him. “She sounds very shallow.” Rowan sighed again and Aelin felt a pang of guilt for making him talk about a part of his past life that clearly still did hurt “She wasn’t always like that. She changed a while ago. Her company of friends had changed and they became a sort of bad influence.” The wind had started to pick up a bit but Aelin had no intention of going back home and she decided it was time to tell Rowan her complete story. Her full reasons for moving in the middle of nowhere. He had opened up to her, she owed him at least that. “My story is not complete either. I told you about my failed marriage, but there is another reason while I escaped.” Rowan kissed the top of her head “You don’t have to.” “Yes, I do. You told me yours and I need to tell you mine. I want us to be honest to each other.” He gave her a squeeze in response. “I told you I was a doctor. I was working in St. Mary’s Hospital which is one of the major trauma centres in London. I slaved to be able to work there. They had a limited numbers for interns and I did manage to get in. Once I was officially a doctor I started to slave to make my way up the ranks I kept working like a madwoman and did all I could to become one of the best. Then a few months ago our head of department announced he was going to retire. And I knew I was going to fight to get that job. I wanted to be the head of the cardio thoracic department. It was my dream, my goal. At the interview I thought I had the job. Two days later I get a phone call telling me that unfortunately the position had been given to another candidate.” Aelin breathed out to calm the rage. “I would have accepted it if they had chosen a candidate better than me. But they didn’t” “Let me guess. Daddy’s little boy or girl got it.” Aelin nodded “The son got it. This idiot who barely made it through med school got it because his dad pushed for it.” Aelin stood and began pacing feeling the need of release all the anger that surged in her every time she talked about that “I was in the middle on the divorce with Chaol. This was the last nail in the coffin. I kept going back to work but I hated it. So much.” With a swift movement Rowan stood and stopped her, placing his hands on her shoulders making sure she was facing him. “Then one day I saw a picture of a Scottish island and I decided that I was out of there. I took a sabbatical. Two week later I was on a plane to Glasgow. A week later I was here.” And the tears came back in full force. Rowan’s arms went around her and she sagged against him and wept until she was spent. “I am glad you came.” That was as much as Rowan could manage to tell her that he was madly in love with her. Baby steps, he kept telling himself. They clearly were far too hung-up on whatever happened before and they both needed time to heal, but he felt like they were finally getting there. Having Aelin in his arms was wonderful enough. He was happy to take anything that she was willing to give him just now. Even if it was just embraces, caressed or holding hands. He would wait for her. “Ro, when I said girlfriend before…” “I know, it’s fine.” And he squeezed her tighter then kissed her head. “I have an idea that will cheer you up hopefully.” She looked up at him and gave him a big smile “I am all ears.” “Tomorrow is Sunday and you know everything is closed on the islands and so is my shop. So, how about an adventure?” Her arms were around his neck in an instant “Yes!” “Let’s go back in the car, it’s getting cold and I’ll tell you my plan.” Aelin ran and Rowan laughed. And a few minutes later they were on their way back. “So, we are leaving the islands tomorrow. We are taking the ferry back to Ullapool. There are a couple of amazing spot that I want to show you. We need to take the ferry at 8am which means check in will be from 6am. Will you manage?” “Are you kidding me? I’ll be up and ready whenever you need me to.” Rowan’s hand went on hers and smiled her back “Good.” Once back in town Rowan drove Aelin home, feeling overprotective and all. She got off the car and he followed her in front of the house. “I’ll come and pick you up at six, is it okay?” “Perfect.” “Wear something comfortable but also layers and a windproof jacket. The forecast for tomorrow is really good, but it’s Scotland.” Aelin nodded. He brushed his hand gently against hers “I’ll se you tomorrow.” Aelin kissed his cheek “Tomorrow then.”

Once she was in the house she squealed in delight and texted Lysandra with an update. She was giddy. And finally happy.

#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #aelin galythinius #fanfc #throne of glass series #lysandra #aedion x lysandra #fluff #angst

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trashyeggroll · 5 years ago

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2, 15, 29, 36, 40, 63, 64, 66, 76 (can be any system not just PC), 81, 94, and 96. Why are you adding banking to the Post Office? Who's the nominee at this point without Joe; I'm not a fan of him just being the nod either but admit now I'll vote because I'm not into the behavior we've seen.

Hey rhanks anon!! 😇🤩😁

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm?

Oh heavens yes, but I don’t recommend it. You teach people bad habits that way and then you’re never gonna get off!

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

Specifically, beef pho with meatballs (phở tái bò viên)

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?

🤔🤔🤔 I’ve told a lot of bad ones but I guess once I told my parents I went to a football game (& went to make out in my gf’s Jeep instead) and I misunderstood what my friend reporting back said, so I said we lost when they were watching a news clip saying we won 🤪

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

We plan on having one (1) kid, and regardless of sex assigned at birth, their name is gonna be Emerson. We have to hurry bc my cousins are coming close, they’ve already had kids named Eleanor and Evelyn.

40. What was the last gift you gave?

For our upcoming anniversary, I got us one of those WiFi connected, standalone air filters that mrs t has wanted for awhile (given, y’know... five pets!)

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

I’ma combo these to reject the premise of a same/opposite sex to me, personally, and because I generally am irritated by the same root behaviors that reflect in different ways depending on socialization—

1. When the cishets get married and all of a sudden are very 😇 I am a GOD FEARING woman and OBEY MY HUSBAND (& worse when the husband is posting that shit about his wife)

2. People who act like having a kid is nbd and they don’t need to do any research or planning into doing a halfway decent job. I’m not talking about those who struggle with other oppressive issues like poverty, addiction etc, and I’m not saying you need to have access to classes and books and the best preschools—just, the baseline solidly stable people who seem so committed to passing on the emotionally abusive behaviors they learned from their parents w/o ever questioning it

3. Denim jeans with designs on the butt. I disagree with the lifestyle, but I’ll respect it if you’re into that 😉

66. How would you describe your bad side?

I’m a shutdown-er. Usually if I haven’t been sleeping enough or been bad with my meds, something smallish will set me off and I’ll spiral emotions and then just pull the failsafe switch when it gets too much. 😕 I’m working on it! Helps to practice identifying what’s caused the spiral and talk about it. Also to sleep 😴

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? (anon said any system!)

I have Xbox, PlayStation, and Switch systems, no gaming PC, but that spread pretty much covers everything 😌 The Mass Effect games are my all time faves but I also love Witcher 3 and RDR2!

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I have a secret trail of abandoned blogs going back to about 2009

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

Not really, not the way the kids watch YouTube, and I don’t know if he counts but—

96. What is the meaning of life?

I’m not religious and not even really that spiritual but have you ever sat around with a big group of people who love and support each other unconditionally, family or friends or comrades?

Why are you adding banking to the Post Office?

The unbanked and credit invisible population of the United States are shut out of services and access to funds for absolutely arbitrary reasons, and there’s no social safety net for that. There’s no way, other than money and time, for most people to enter the US financial system, much less begin to build wealth in the first place.

The USPS already has the physical presence throughout the United States to serve poor and unbanked people as a banking branch, and with government backing, they should offer zero fee, no credit check required checking accounts to everyone.

More on this here

Who’s the nominee right now without Joe?

Pie in the sky: Can I get, uhhhh, President Stacey Abrams, VPOTUS Julian Castro, Secretary of Treasury Warren, Secretary of Housing and Urban Devepment AOC

Reality: How about Joe drops out and either encourages the delegates to vote for his next choice, or for the 1st/2nd place from their state? I don’t think there’s a winning way to do this but Joe needs to Go. I’m sick of talking about Bidens and Clintons and if we had any real leadership in the “established” wing of the Democratic Party, he never would have run in the first place. Just different flavors of the same old rich white people in both parties and trying real hard to kill us all

#long post #asks #ask meme

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rekkingcrew · 6 years ago

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Rek DMs, Some Thoughts

Buckle up, it’s Edge of the Empire tabletop Roleplaying time.

Yeah, I know I don’t post here much. I’m still doing the devaron’s angels thing, which is scratching a lot of my online itches, and I’ve got a part time job and full time parenting.

I’d really planned on doing regular updates of what happened each session. Aaaaand that didn’t happen. Which is a shame, I’d love to be able to have those summaries to look back on. But here’s the short version:

The gang, who are a crew of space chancers and criminals rolling around in a stolen police ship, were doing odd jobs together for a while, including some for the empire. Their contact, a Pantoran spymaster whose cover was as a children’s entertainer, congratulated them on their most recent heist job (where the campaign started in medias res), and gave them a new job: deliver a mysterious sealed orb to the leader of the peskiest rebel cell in the general area, led by a Rodian pirate by the name of Cheng Maxeda. They said maybe, took the orb, and then checked around and picked up a delivery job for their local Hutts going the same direction for some extra cash.

They were brought in because the Hutt shipments had been interfered with by somebody. Their Hutts weren’t sure who, but were damn sure they were going to pay. The gang defeated a whole crazy mess of people who were being lead and bolstered by a falleen who had been surgically altered to boost their pheromone output. Then they picked up the package and made the poor decision of looking inside. It was the carbonite frozen but still living body of the cop who’d previously owned their ship that they were now knowingly handing over, because they couldn’t bring themselves to cross the Hutts.

Moral issues aside, it was an easy job, they got well paid, the team failed a bunch of social roles and divulged more information than they should have to the Hutt point man, and Brick, the party’s wall of meat, got signed up for a pit fight. He won his round, but imperial troops broke up the match before he could win completely. TK cornered but lost a rebel bomber, and Eshi got contacted by a rebel who recognized him from a bit of backstory. Nyla chased down one of the other gladiators, an old clone with a sword who’d entered the fight because the prize included a bacta dunk and he had a friend who was hurt and dying after being caught by the Hutts trying to bust up a slaving operation. And that’s when the bomb went off, destroying some major imperial instillation bits and projecting a 40 foot holo-image of Cheng the punk rock rodian pirate queen striding across the smoking crater proclaiming she had come to liberate the outer rim. The party was presented with three job options: 1) after Brick’s pit win, the Hutts were down some muscle for a convoy and ready to pay reliable thugs 2) the rebels were looking for a study ship to bust up the hub of a spy satellite network 3) the clone and his weequay buddy (Edge and Horm) still wanted to stop the slave convoy (which was, as the party figured out, job 1). They opted for job 2, leaving town amidst a firefight with the imperials, and brought along Edge and Horm, providing Nyla with a sword fighting trainer who’d studied under a jedi, without being a jedi himself.

The guys busted up the satellite base by hijacking a shipment truck coming in (I’d provided them information for a couple of routes, including asteroid hopping amidst giant vacuum-proof winged frog monster creatures, and they figured this best matched their skillset). Inside they found tech that looked a whole lot like our droid character TK, a completely brainwashed cyborg engineer, and the control rods that were their target. TK, who is a droid with multiple program personalities, suddenly and without warning displayed a program personality they had never seen before and destroyed the computer mainframe, remembering nothing afterward. The cyborg also had hardware a good deal like Nyla’s, and contained a message begging for help from someone held against their will and being moved between facilities. They blew up the station, retrieved valuable tech, and flew off, triumphant, to get their payment from the rebels.

The rebels welcomed the gang, who got to know the faction a little bit better. TK nearly started a gunfight, Nyla got a haircut, and Brick and Eshi developed mouse droid beer pong in order to provide historically unique droid bits to an eccentric collector for the last bit Eshi needed to build his machine from the prototype he’d stolen from the corporate sector in his backstory, which runs on two kyber crystals and provides a similar benefit to the force power “foresee”. He used this to figure out the sphere they were carrying contained an intensely virulent ship killer plague that would likely kill them as well, and they resolved to throw that in the sun. The gang foiled an assassination attempt on Cheng and got a new assignment: break her old pirate buddy out of maximum security prison (again, they were presented with several possible assignments, some of which tied in to other plots.) Nyla and Cheng also worked out mutually that they were both force sensitive.

The prison break went off well. It was a sort of siberian gulag set up on an ice planet, plus some eight foot carnivorous burrowing worms- yeah, those walls are pretty short, prisoners, but where are you gonna run? The gang picked up some extra supplies by agreeing to break out a Hutt operative while they were there anyway. After some exciting sky battles, Nyla and Eshi turns the ship’s forward shields into a battering ram. They made short work of the guards inside, but discovered that there was an unexpected other party there- a wookie bounty hunter who was looking into the disappearance of the guy they handed over to the hutts. That guy was a tough fight even for the team’s big heavies, and they set a load of prisoners free to help them- taking the risk that the maximum security violent shipjackers would not decide to jack their ship to escape. Luckily between the two heavies and the giant devaronian pirate they just released, they were able to intimidate them into just accepting a ride off planet. Nyla, meanwhile, fought the wookie’s cat beast in an enclosed tunnel and nearly died, but won a pretty hard solo battle, enabling her to pick up the Hutt contact and a delirious nautolan who she had a force feeling about. Eshi forgot he was a reptile and went out in the ice with no coat, then defeated his own personal corpsec bounty hunter’s attempts to come at him with robots. With great success, they headed back to rebel space, got paid, and received a message that their former imperial employer was officially fucking pissed at them. Also, the nautolan was force sensitive and having visions of the inquisitor who tried to murder Nyla.

Faced with mounting tension and the inability to continue lying to each other, the team pretty much spilled all their secrets to each other in the absolute most fun room mate meeting I have ever witnessed. Nyla is a force sensitive ex-imperial pilot ace, TK has an extra personality, Eshi has an I-assassinated-a-king level bounty and a machine that tells the future, Thirteen (the bothan spy) knew all this and told no one, Brick likes light beer, etc. They decided they really need to murder the children’s TV spy master as their next move. Their bothan spy provided them with a dossier on him and his six lieutenants. Nyla and Thirteen went to go meet the spymaster and try to throw him off, and had to fight the stealth assassin lieutenant, which they survived. Eshi hacked the slicer lieutenant and stole her state of the art surveillance droids. Brick checked up on the Hutt-embedded spy and learned she was a pretty awful person. He also ended up scheduling a rematch with the douwutin he beat in the pit fight, who the Hutts later dropped a word in that they wouldn’t mind if he just happened to kill in that fight. The group’s one cop friend, a red-string and corkboard conspiracy melitto, got attacked by assassins, because the spies and the governor were working against each other. Nyla and TK accidentally killed the master of disguise spy lieutenant without realizing who he was. They turned the surveillance droids on the Hutts and found out the Hutt-embedded spy was working against the spymaster as well.

The spymaster was scheduled to attend the Chancellor’s day gala on Naboo, which is fancy far outside of anything the party is probably capable of pulling off, but I wanted to give them the opportunity to try. One of the spy lieutenants there, a slimy alderaanean lesser noble, has found a packet of forbidden information that had been stolen and hidden there, and the spymaster is going in person for the hand-off. Rebuffing an offer from the planetary governor, the group made a very temporary alliance with the Hutt spy to kidnap the noble spy and use him to force a meeting with the spymaster on their terms. And that’s where we are now.

___

All in all, I’m really pleased with how this is going. I’m having a lot of fun and my players are absolutely great. I’d... assumed that would take less time to type up, and it’s leaving out a whole lot of stuff. I started this in October, so that’s about seven months worth of weekly sessions. That it breaks pretty easily into arcs, I feel, speaks pretty well for what I’d intended of it. I have SO MANY FUCKING named NPCs. It’s over 50 at last count. Factions are helping a lot. Each faction has a main plot that’s going to move along no matter what the PCs do, hitting beats whenever I need something interesting for the background.

I’d like to keep making some posts here about what I’ve learned, what’s worked and what hasn’t, and about each player and their character. I personally think it’s interesting, and it helps me collect my thoughts. But for now I think I’m going to bed.

#i dmed #rek dms #space bastards #Edge of the Empire #tabletop rp

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angelkurenai · 7 years ago

Text

Holidays with the Skarsgards - Bill Skarsgard x Reader

Title: Holidays with the Skarsgards

Pairing: Bill Skarsgard x Reader

Warnings: None

Requests: Could you write something about Bill Skarsgård taking the reader to Sweden with him for a vacation with his family, but the reader and his family have met before so she's gets on well with his dad and brothers? thank you xx Can you do a Bill fic where his brother Gustaf introduced you to Bill (and you worked with Gustaf on the show Vikings)? Can i request a bill imagine where they're a couple, she's also a famous actress and his family loves her, the two go to sweden to celebrate a holiday with the skarsgards and fluff ensues

AN: This was waiting in my pc for so long I only now found the chance to upload it!

“I can't believe that Christmas is almost around the corner.” you breathed out, a wide childlike smile on your face as you stared outside the window. You looked at the passing scenery in awe, loving the decorations that have been set all around town perfectly combined with the snow adorning the streets and rooftops.

“Excited much?” Bill asked with a chuckle, taking a moment to glance at you from the driver's seat.

“Very” you breathed out, looking back at your boyfriend “It's not every year we get to spend it with your family. I mean sure, we do visit them and Sweden very often but when it comes to Christmas-” youlet a soft sigh, easing back in your seat while gazing at him “I'd rather not be anywhere else.”

“I don't know if I should be flattered or not.” he chuckled and you raised an eyebrow.

“Come again mister?”

“I thought your happy place was in bed with me, cuddling and gazing at each other.” he gave you a small pout and you giggled, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Bill, come on you know what I mean!” you rested your head on his shoulder “Of curse my happy place will forever be you having me in your arms but I'm just saying, with our line of working and all this filming we've both been doing over the past year, it's nice to have some family time... and my family is certainly out of the question!”

“I still think we should have given them a chance this year, though.” he mumbled, kissing the top of your head.

“My family is crazy Bill. I love them, but there is only so much time I can spend with them! Besides, when I'm around your family is a little more normal than usual.” you added with a shrug and he scoffed rolling his eyes.

“My family? Normal? Yeah right.” he chuckled “Do you know why Keeping up with the Skarsgards even exists?”

“Honey I get to experience it myself.” you giggled, pecking his lips “I know better than anyone else! But I mean, last time we were here it was for your premiere of 'IT' and we didn't get to spend much time with them. We could go see mine sometimes later, your parents surely miss you even more.”

“Said the academy-awards one.” he chuckled and you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

“Out of the two of us lemme know better who is worth all the awards! Besides, my parents are closer and we can visit them anytime. Yours are so far away and most of their kids are scattered all around the globe being kickass actors and what not. I am sure they really miss seeing you all gathered, even if it's just once a year.” you gave his hand a squeeze as he nodded his head “Plus-” you gave him a sly smile “Is there a particular reason you want to spend time with my family?”

“What?! What are you implying?” he laughed nervously and you shrugged innocently.

“I'm not implying anything, I am just asking you that's all.” you chuckled “Is there some specific reason you want to see my parents this much and me to be there too?”

“What? Oh no, no of course not!” he said a little too fast, laughing nervously soon afterwards “No, I just-” he cleared his throat, shifting nervously in his seat “I thought you'd miss them, that's all. Last time we were at their place I just had a good time, that's all.”

“Alright” you dragged the word, still looking at him suspiciously “I'll let it slip this time, but you can't avoid answering this forever. I know there's something on your mind.”

“No, (Y/n).” he laughed nervously “No, I told you. It's nothing, don't mind me.” he whispered, glancing at you to see you shrug.

He let a soft sigh, chewing on his lower lip because truth was he had a lot in mind but he was still planing on how it would be the best way to ask that four-words question yet.

~*~

“(Y/n/n)!” you heard the all-too-familiar voice of your friend and your boyfriend's brother, Alexander, as the door swungopened “Where's my little pumpkin!”

“Oh Alex!” you giggled as you gave him a squeeze and he picked you up and spook your around “It's Christmas, not Halloween. You're never gonna stop coming up with those stupid nicknames?”

“Heck no, smalls!” he chuckled, kissing your cheek “It's my favorite thing in the world, for my favorite person in the world! I'll come up with a new one this time.”

“Wow Alexander, yes it's great to see you after all this time too, brother!” Bill said sarcastically and you giggled.

“He's just jealous I am getting all the attention!” you teased and Alexander gave you a small squeeze.

“Oh don't be, Billy! It's not your fault your girlfriend has won all of our hearts.” he kissed your temple.

“But you'll always know I am her favorite Skarsgard of you all boys!” you heard the female voice and a smile instantlyspread on your lips as you turned to face Bill's sister, Eija.

“Oh dear, Ei!” you exclaimed, a squeal leaving your lips as you let go of Alexander to hug her “Look at you! How the hell do you even do that?! Keep looking more and more beautiful every time I see you!”

“Look who's talking! Gosh, you are even more beautiful yourself and I didn't even think it was possible! Does my brother have anything to do with this perhaps?” she asked with a smirk and wink and you giggled.

“He does, I cannot deny that.” you turned to glance at Bill, winking at him as he chuckled.

“Oh really now?” she asked, sounded pretty interested.

You missed the look she gave her brother who only shook his head and she sighed in disappointment.

“Well, it's great to see you two are doing great! As it is to spend the holidays with you. Your room is all set up for the two of you, just careful to not be very loud cause the walls are pretty thin.” she nudged your side and you chuckled.

“Who knows, it's all up to your brother. He can really make me do anything he wants in the end.” you giggled and she laughed, hugging you more.

“Whoa ladies, getting way into detail aren't you?” Alexander made a face and you laughed.

“You're just jealous it's not about you!” you teased “Besides, you don't really know how it is for us to go into detail about stuff.” you said, making Bill's eyes widen.

“Of course we leave stuff out cause you're my brother and it's gross as hell but still-” she grin mischievously, shrugging and you laughed.

“What” she asked “She's like a sister to me, hopefully one day sister in law-” did she give Bill a look or was it your idea? “So there are no secrets!”

“That I second, you are already a Skarsgard!” you heard another voice and let go of Eija to turn and face Bill's father, Stellan.

“Coming from you, I think I'm gonna have to accept it Stellan!” you chuckled and he grinned as he came to give you a warm hug as well.

“You look amazing, (Y/n), not so different from last time I saw you sadly.” he said and you gave him a perplexed look.

“That should be a good thing, right?” you asked with a chuckle and he shrugged.

“Depending on how you see it, it could always be twins and that for a woman is-”

“Whoa, dad!” Bill exclaimed, effectively cutting off his father who merely shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Honesty is the key, son, you know it.” he mumbled as you only stared dumbfounded between the two Skarsgards.

“Am I missing out on something here?” you whispered and Bill shook his head furiously, elbowing his now laughing brother “Focus on carrying the luggage Alex.” he muttered to him before letting out a soft sigh “No, it's nothing (Y/n). Nevermind, my dad's just too old that's all. And Alex is... Alex, we don't pay attention to him.”

“Alright” you dragged the word, unable to hide a smile though “Maybe I'm really starting to see where it's all going and all I have to say is: It's amazing to see you all guys!” you ended with a giggle and Stellan chuckled.

“It's wonderful to have you here, (Y/n), as always! If it wasn't for you I don't think I'd have the chance to see all of my kids together to be honest.” he wrapped and arm around your shoulders as all three of you headed towards the living room.

“Don't mention it, Stellan. You know I love you all like a family, and spending Christmas with you all here in Sweden has become my favorite thing in the world!” you grinned, glancing at Bill talking with Alexander almost secretively as if they were sharing secrets “You've done an amazing job at decorating the entire house, too, and the smell of all the food is already making my mouth water!”

“Oh that's one thing you'll find more than enough of in here, food!”

“And testosterone apparently.” you giggled as you saw Alexander and Bill grab as many luggage at once as they could and ran upstairs.

“Bill, careful please!” you yelled after at your boyfriend, shaking your head while laughing. He could be such a dork sometimes and when you added Alexander to the mix then he just turned into a five-year-old in a minute.

“Gosh, your boys will never be mature, you know that right?”

“I do, yes.” he laughed “And sorry for that previously, but I need to give him a mental kick to get a grip of himself, you know?” he whispered to you and you grinned, nodding your head.

“I understand, Stellan, I know if it wasn't for you and your sons I don't even think Bill would have gotten the courage to ask me out to begin with.”

“Well, you had him pretty smitten that's for sure!” Stellan chuckled and you grinned.

“He wasn't the only one, I think Gustaf really helped me out a lot with accepting the fact that Bill could really have a thing for me.” you laughed “Speaking of which, where is my swedish Viking?”

“Right here!” you heard your old co-star's voice and before you could realize it you were swept off your feet once more by another Skarsgard and spoon in the air.

“Gustaf! Oh my gosh, how long has it been!?” you squealed, hugging him as well as he laughed.

“Certainly far too long, my dear! Hope my brother is treating you well.” he kissed your cheek and you were unable to hold back a laugh when you took notice of the pair of christmas antlers on his head.

“Look at you, you're rocking these!” you pointed out with a giggle “Yeah, he really is. And we both owe it all to you.” you said with a soft smile, remembering that day as if it was yesterday.

“Alright...” Gustaf trailed off, (Y/n) this is Bill. Bill this is (Y/n).” Gustaf motioned to each of you as he introduced you two, making it even more awkward than it had been at first “Which you probably already know since you never shut up about her cause you are such a fanboy!” he mumbled and you noticed Bill glaring hard at his brother and kicking him subtly but no less hard.

“What?” he exclaimed “I swear-” he turned to face you “Just as I thought it wasn't possible for him to ramble more about you we became costars and I mention it to him and there it gets worse!”

“Gustaf” Bill said warningly.

“And then I tell him to come over on set to meet you and freaks out! He hasn't been such a nervous mess when he went to talk to his first crush back when he was a teen!”

A giggle left your lips mostly at the look on Bill's face that was a mix of terror, at what his brother would say, and embarrassment, at what had already been said.

“Long story short, here we are. Have fun kids, but not too much cause you're in public.” he grinned “I'm sure you're gonna thank me later for this and oh-” he turned to Bill “Don't worry, I'm not that much of a terrible brother, she has a crush on you too! She fangirls over you like there is no tomorrow when she thinks nobody's paying attention by the way!” he had winked and left the both of you alone and two blushing messes.

~*~

“I think Sam and Valter need help downstairs with finding a couple extra chairs or something?” you said, cutting the two Skarsgards' talk short.

“Oh yep, I'll be right onto that. Give you two lovebirds some time.” Alexander winked at you as he walked past you to make his way downstairs.

“So... who won?” you asked with a smirk as you approached your boyfriend.

“What?”

“The bet. I'm guessing you put a bet since you were running up the stares like a bunch of five-year-olds.”

Bill chuckled, running his fingers through his hair “He did.”

“Aw do you want a kiss to make it all better then?” you asked with a small pout and he grinned at you, nodding his head eagerly as he wrapped his arms around your waist and you wrapped your around his neck.

“Absolutely, I would love some affection now.” he breathed out against your lips before you kissed him softly.

“You know-” you whispered “If you want some extra comfort I can always give it to you.”

He chuckled, kissing your lips again “The guys would never guess how good we are at trying to keep it low.”

“Well, it is pretty hard for us anyway.” you giggled “So... what did you lose this time? Will I get to know another aspect of you I'm gonna love as much as I did last time?” you asked with a smirk and he laughed.

“No, no it's not that.” he shook his head “It's... mostly your Christmas gift. Uh I couldn't decide between two to be honest, I was mostly scared to give you the second and he is all but forcing me to, now.”

“Oh Bill, you know I'm gonna love anything you have for me baby, right? I don't care what it is, I love you and that's what only matters to me. As long as it's full of love then I know I will adore it.” you breathed out, hugging him as you rested your head on his chest.

Meanwhile Bill let his smile flutter as nervousness overcame him when he glanced in the suitcase that he had long ago hidden very thoroughly the small velvet box with the ring he had bought for you.

#bill #bill skarsgard #bill x reader #bill skarsgard x reader #bill imagine #bill skarsgard imagine #bill one shot #bill skarsgard one shot #bill fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #it #pennywise #hemlock grove #Roman Godfrey

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gerrinson · 6 years ago

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My new PC

I was invited to a test run of my friend’s online gaming session. He gave me the basics - all characters will be half orcs or orcs aligned with a local tribe(s). So, here I present the backstoyr info of Ozap Rakkason, clan sorcerer. He is a wildblooded Sylvan sorcerer with a tyrannosaurs rex animal companion.

Excerpts from the journal of Ozap Rakkason

Mama gave this journal to me. I am eight! She told me about my papa, too. His name is Rakka, and I will be allowed to visit him next year, if I want. She seemed sad about it, but I am happy, I always wanted a father. Someone like me. I wonder if he will like having a son named Stefan. She said his last name isn’t Sands, either. She got that from her papa and gave it to me.

Today, I celebrated my twelfth birthday. It started as a typical day with another beating by Gorak. I think he and I were equally surprised when I shot a small blast of electricity into his face. It didn’t help much, since I forgot to run away. He beat me worse than usual.

Old Half-hand, Havern, the tribal shaman saw the whole thing. He pulled me aside, thinking I had the makings of an apprentice. I wasn’t able to call the electricity again. He taught me the ritual prayers to Nulgreth that he uses to call forth his powers. Nothing happened. So Havern beat me for wasting his time.

Oh, and Gorak and his friends have given me a new nickname: Zap. They chanted it as they pelted me with rocks and mud.

When I left to find my father and his tribe, I somehow thought I would fit in better here than with humans. I think I was wrong.

It took nearly two years, and countless failures, but I finally summoned one of the electric shocks on purpose! And this time, I was smart enough to try to take advantage of it when Gorak was thrown off by the blast to his face. Had I not tripped over the old stump full of ground wasps, maybe I would have won that fight. Gorak was laughing so hard he never finished the beating. Every time he tried to speak, all he could say was ‘Oh, Zap’ before losing it again. I guess it wasn’t a complete loss, except for all of the wasp stings.

Half-hand saw it again, and decided to teach me a bit. All we have figured out is this power doesn’t seem to be divine. He has said he will teach me anyway, so I can be of some use to the tribe. I moved my pelts and bag out of my father’s tent. He didn’t seem upset about it. I guess now he can focus more on training Gorak to lead. My half-brother isn’t fit to lead, not that father would ever ask my opinion. Gorak’s aggression is supposed to be a sign of strength, and my unwillingness to beat others around me just for existing in my space is weakness.

There is failure and then there is choosing to fail. For my sixteenth birthday, I was sent out to hunt and kill a predator. My right of passage into adulthood. And when I had the chance, I could not kill him. He was so small, compared to his siblings. So weak; shrieking his rage and terror. I looked into his eyes and I saw…myself. I have been out here for a week now. I’m sure Gorak is celebrating my demise; he was certain I would fail.

And I have. I’ve spent a full week feeding this baby tyrannosaur rather than killing it. I have done the exact opposite of my task. And with each passing day, I know in my heart, I cannot kill him. After three days, I decided he needed a name. My best friend, when I lived with my mother, was a human boy named Rupert. And so I have named this scaly beast Rupert. I feel like he needs something more noble, but Rupert will do for now. I am going to take him back to the camp with me. I doubt either of us will live to see the next dawn.

Goodbye, journal, you have been a silent but constant friend over the years. I hope you are returned to my mother.

At last, I have a place in the tribe. I truly thought Rupert and I were finished. Rakka ordered Gorak to kill us both, but the Half-hand intervened. Just long enough to tell me the powers I wield come from within. From myself, but I can feed it to those who share my soul. It sounded like drivel, right up until the moment it made sense.

We were thrown into the pit with Gorak. Rupert wasn’t interested in fighting, until Gorak kicked me in the chest. Then the little beast threw himself at Gorak’s back. Gorak knocked him down and made to cut off Rupert’s oversized but adorable head.

It felt like something inside me broke. My heart, my soul, my world…it all shattered in a moment. A moment of pure clarity, when my entire existence came back together in a way that made sense. I’m not even sure how I knew to do it, but I unleashed a blast of flame from my hands. The sudden fire caught Gorak off guard and set his loincloth aflame. Really, I think I did him a favor by killing his assortment of lice.

Rupert, loyal friend that he is, stood between Gorak and I trying to look tough. I put my hand his head and told him he would be big enough to fight one day. Instinctively, I pushed my power into my companion. Giving him strength and letting his body begin to grow to match his spirit. In a blink, the little dinosaur towered over me.

The look on Gorak’s face when Rupert unleashed his new roar and went for his throat was worth it. Even better was the moment when the bully finally showed his true colors. He threw down his falchion and begged me to call off Rupert. With a snap of my fingers, Rupert came to heel.

When Gorak tried to grab his falchion out of the dirt, I called the lightning into my hand and slapped him with it. He fell down and stared up at me as he lost consciousness. I don’t know what possessed me, but I shouted “And that’s why they call me O-ZAP.” Everyone watching cheered. With Havern Half-hand gripping his shoulder, my father, Chief Rakka the Bloodfist, had no choice but to declare me the victor.

I claimed Gorak’s falchion as my spoils. Worse, for him, I announced to the clan that I would spare my brother’s life. In that moment, my weakness became my strength. And his loss, paired with my mercy, destroyed his standing in the clan. There is no greater sin for an orc than cowardice.

Say what they will about me, no one in the clan can say I was unwilling to fight. And now, they will remember me not as the half-human Stefan Sands, but as the half-orc Ozap Rakkason, clan sorcerer.

#pathfinder #player character

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dearyallfrommatt · 5 years ago

Link

Alt-weeklies are dead. Blogs are dead. Bootlickers and the civility police won.

The above story from The New Republic written by Alex Pareene was brought to my Twitter world by Radley Balko, superlative journalist and maybe the only self-described libertarian I’d let thrive after the Purge. In short, it discusses the recent emasculation of Deadspin and how it’s indicative of the death of the “rude press”. That is, the elimination of smaller, shall we say less respectful outlets like Splinter and Gawker, publications that would stick their fingers into they eyes of the rich and the very much richer.

And it’s not just those web-based publications’ deaths that article warns of. It’s the slow extinction of the alt-weekly or alt-monthly, all to be replaced by boutique publications that won’t be so gauche as to upset their betters. In other words, they’ll be “civil” because “civility” might be the most important thing we’re missing in this cold, cruel world.

The first writing gig I got out of college was at an alt-monthly and the only “regular job” I’ve ever had was with an alt-weekly, so I might be a bit biased on this matter. Twenty-some-odd years ago in Gainesville, FL, a pair of cats named Colin Whitworth and Mike Podalsky started MOON Magazine, maybe the altest alternative magazine that wasn’t a ‘zine that I’ve ever seen. I mostly wrote about music and Gainesville being what it was, there wasn’t much sticking-in-the-eye that needed doing.

Though I do remember them pissing of a real estate guy so badly he started his own “alt-monthly” in competition. It lasted one issue as I recall. Every afternoon at 4:20, we'd have a “staff meeting” and the magazine run pieces from severely left-wing sources going after the destruction of the Everglades or the dangers of the Cassini probe. It was that kind of magazine.

After I left Gainesville for Athens, I took up with Flagpole Magazine, a music/news/arts weekly in Michael Stipe’s hometown. Athens is a different town and publisher Pete McCommons was a different breed. An old school newspaper man contrasted to Mike and Colin’s “young upstarts”, Flagpole was a gentler poke that nevertheless contrasted well with the bought-and-owned-by-the-chamber-of-commerce local daily, The Athens Banner-Herald. He still gave a lot of room to his staff to go nuts, notably my direct editor Ballard Lesemann.

When I left college in 1997, I had already worked in actual, for real newspapers for almost a decade. Furthermore, I’d grown my hair long and discovered Hunter Thompson, so I was by no means inclined to go back to covering school board meetings for some small town weekly. MOON went the way of the dodo sometime in 2001, and though I left in 2002, Flagpole’s still kicking.

I rarely made anything close to a living at writing, but I’m thankful of my time with the alts and grateful to Colin, Mike, Pete and Ballard for letting me share the ride with them and have a little fun. So, again, grain of salt. One thing working on alternatives taught me was that “complete objectivity” was not only impossible but unnecessary so long as your cards are on the table, so I ain’t going to put no shuck on you.

Now, I won’t summarize or really explore what the above-linked New Republic piece goes into. I highly recommend it be read and considered with much gravity. Even if you don’t agree with its conclusions - or even the need for the existence of “rude journalism” - do study on what it suggests. Do we really want a world where the extremely rich, either as individuals or as a group, can shut down publications that don’t show proper fealty and people who’re willing to tell the Boss Man to take this job and shove it?

The responses to Radley’s retweet and others I’ve seen elsewhere are telling indeed, though. While there are plenty of sympathetic voices, not a few folks are saying “well, good, fuck ‘em”. There is a negative view of journalists, but if anyone suggests that it’s caused by recent events in the business are lying or stupid or ignorant or all three. For as long as there have been rich dudes willing to start wars for more wealth, there have been plenty of poor bastards willing to die for them. Nowadays, we have folks willing to pay Major League Baseball for what they used to get for free, and not even blink an eye.

A lot of it’s political. Right-wing media doesn’t have the same problems in getting funding because, well, most rich people are quite fine with the nuts and bolts of conservative thought. The economic side, anyway, which spells less taxes or regulation; the social side, they have enough pull to not have to worry about anyone griping unless they piss off someone higher up the ladder.

Which is extremely amusing, since these are the same folks who stay constantly stricken with the vapors about how much money Hillary Clinton (or Elizabeth Warren or Barrack Obama or Bernie Sanders or fill-in-the-blank-here) bring home. The “common people”, they’re saying, don’t need hoity-toity nerds who can string sentences together and count without taking off their shoes telling us that they’re favorite rich guy needs a kick in the nuts for being the type of bastard that needs kicking in the nuts on a regular basis. The hooting baboons that support digital frat houses like Barstool are happy to stick it to those PC creeps, man, rebelling in that way that hurts the actual elite not one tiny bit.

They also hate the corporate media and social media sites, which they will tell you endlessly in the comments sections of corporate medias’ pages on social media while FOX and CNN have a special on it every other week. They hate “political correctness” trying to tell them that the “natural order” isn’t just boozy white dudes watching the Pats and gorging on chicken wings, making cracks about the opposing quarterback being homosexual or making “hey-it’s-just-a-joke” jokes about Serena Williams or some WNBA playing being a “man, baby”.

There is most definitely a place for big mainstream news sources like CNN or The New York Times or TIME Magazine. A professor of my in journalism school used to repeat the quote, paraphrased from memory, that “journalism is the first rough draft of history”. Despite what the right wing has been screaming for years, whoever the president is, the big papers are rarely out for his blood. Once you become president, you are a “Washington insider” and all the corporate media really cares about is making money.

Whatever he says about the “Washington Swamp” and “fake news”, Donald Trump’s been part of that world, as is every Washington politician or media figure. FOX News is the mainstream media and the Washington Examiner has plenty of backing to keep that so. Who funds The Federalist? That publication has its place but that question must be asked. To do otherwise is to tell the powerful that you’re just fine with them running things, thank you very much.

But there needs to be a place for a small, scrappy paper speaking for the weird and shat-upon, flicking the earlobe of the rich and powerful and running ads for weekly drag shows. The dirtbag center - that’s what I’m calling the tedious middle-class bourgeoisie spawn that all voted for Trump because they hated Hillary but don’t want to admit it and were shocked as the rest of us, deal with it - wants to be kept fat and saucy while their kids joke about “learning to code” and they all grind themselves down in a miserable existence. Sticking it to the media and the elite, man, all up in the “intellectual dark web,” man, just like Peter Thiel or Bari Weiss, man.

This is one of those things that shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does, because these people are that guy who started a one-run magazine to get back at Colin and Mike for saying hurtful things about them being crooked. In America, at least, there has always, always been a group of people who will kick down for the benefit of their upper-class betters and do it with a smile on their faces. It’s why dumbass country boys went to die for slavery and why thick-necked hardhats smashed picket lines and assassinated union leaders.

Like the story notes, we all thought that blogs would be the new hotness, but that lasted just long enough for Google to deciding that “do no evil” was bad for the bottom line. People, especially wingnuts, boo-hoo about Facebook or Twitter without acknowledging or even recognizing that Mark Zuckerberg is a greedy little shit and Jack Dorsey is quite comfortable with cosplaying Nazis. Thanks to Ajit Pai’s bought-and-sold ass, Net Neutrality - about the only thing that keeps the internet from being anything other than a glorified Want Ads - is going to be that much harder to make reality.

A lot of this goes back to the “civility” thing, or lack thereof, NYT columnists bemoan whenever they get caught out being a dipstick. We’re too mean to each other, they say, we don’t know how to respect each other, they say. Rich people know how to run things better than the hoi polloi, so do sit down and be quiet like nice children. Or else.

Because here’s the thing, friends and neighbors: the rich, I mean really rich class in this country do not give a solid gold shit about you apart from how much more money they can squeeze out. Suck up to Elon Musk all you want and bemoan Bill Gates having to pay so much in taxes that he’s still a billionaire afterwards all you want. They are not going to let you on the space ship with them once they’re done fouling the waters and scouring the land.

You can cheer the death of Deadspin all you want, hoot at the firings of journalist who say bad things about Trump or the cops or Tom Brady, and general be gleeful that the media all should “learn to code” to your heart’s content. Because it won’t end there. Conglomerations are already scooping up weekly and small town dailies, shuttering the superfluous and give everyone the same story in the same tone while kissing the proper butts.

In the end, we need an antagonistic press. We need someone willing to piss off the deep pockets and old families and moneyed interests. We need someone that’ll give a voice to left-handed, bisexual, transvestite furries who love swing dancing. Or even just a little time, a slice of acknowledgement that the world isn’t just boozy obnoxious white dudes on barstools or bitter wine moms sniping on Facebook. You can cheer the downfall of such, but all you’re doing is putting the noose around your own throat and saving the Powers That Be a little time.

You may not want to rock the boat, friends and neighbors, but have no illusions. When the rubber hits the road, the Wealthy Elite will throw you over. Don’t make it easier for them.

#business #journalism #radley balko #it came from twitter #new republic #alex pareene #the death of resisting #pat gish #tom gish #the mountain eagle

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lonedailydoodle · 7 years ago

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Daily Doodle 213/365 - August 1, 2017

I like to portray myself as very clingy.. but that’s how it is!!

I mean, look at us togethe- NO, NOT THE TICKLES!!

Imma try to hurry since I’m falling asleep and it might be apparent in the quality of the doodle

Today I woke up early and quickly got on my PC to catch up on some stuff before getting ready and heading down to the city. I didn’t bring any guavas for Pixie as they’re still small and need time to grow

I stopped at Pixie’s and waited until he was ready, when he got out we headed to Taco Bell to have some cheapo breakfast together. The clinginess of mine started early as I leaned against Pixie as he ate

After this we headed to OfficeMax to get a cardboard box for a fursuit head Pixie was gonna ship, got it packed and labeled, then drove to the post office and quickly sent it out

We then stopped by Kmart where Pixie got a Home (Dreamworks Movie) comforter for a very cheap price since now Kmart is putting things on sale for REAL this time, maybe they learned and will make the best of things before they leave the island. Grabbed a few snacks and a drink and then were on our way to the mall we always go to!

There we stayed at the parking lot for a little less than an hour just talking, joking around (Pixie almost died laughing, omg) and lots of playing around.. that being tickles and Pixie giving me belly rubs

.. liking belly rubs is normal.. right? Either way, I love it, Pixie loves it, we enjoy doing innocent little things like this.. Pixie was trying to bite me again though >:v

Once inside the mall, we did the usual browsing of music, band merch Pixie wanted and other things

One thing Pixie focused on this time was CD and Vinyl players, he’s in need of a CD played since his very old one broke

After this, we went to the Microsoft Store, but since they don’t have that many pens around anymore, we moved to the Xbox One consoles section where we sat down and decided to give the Forza racing games a try. I haven’t held a controller in 3 years, so this was almost.. ALMOST new to me again. I noticed after a while I still steered cars the same way I used to before, so I guess that stuck even after not playing a long time.. though, I could tell I was rusty. I was even more rusty when I gave Halo 5 a try, aiming was so new to me with a controller again being used to playing a few games here and there on my PC

We met up with our friend who I didn’t have to pick up luckily.. it’s a big detour to this mall.. and then headed to have lunch

While picking Pixie and I’s lunch, I accidentally spilled Pixie’s large soda all over the counter where people pick up their orders.. so I was pretty embarrassed there.. Anyways, after getting a refill, I quickly left and hid behind Pixie to eat. I tried to hide my embarrassment as much as I could, aaa

We then browsed around some stores again before finally stopped at the theater’s arcade for Pixie to -coughgamblecough- play with the claw machines. Pixie DID get a prize though, which I guess proved me wrong again. The claw machine was broken but made it sorta easier to grab plushies if you got the right angle and the plushie wasn’t up too high in the pile. The claw would go down, try to go up then go down again and close tightly. So if the plushie was too high, the claw would close in mid-air

Pixie won a cute Indominus Rex dinosaur plushie which he kept to himself and was hugging all afternoon <3

We drank a chocolate milkshake after this, which by the way, I LOVE milkshakes now, if you donate to my ko-fi, I will probably spend it on milkshakes xD

This was the end of our day at the mall for us, we headed to the car, I received more belly rubs and we later headed home. Took a fun detour over the mountains overlooking our city to avoid traffic and made it to the Wendy’s we go to. There Pixie got me some small cheap burgers and we discussed about my trip in November and turns out Pixie wants to go too! I am actually really really hoping he goes since it will both guarantee I won’t be sleeping in a bed alone AND will make it cheaper for all of us since we’re splitting the room cost

Pixie really really wants to go since Los Angeles is his dream city, nearly everything he loves is there and he would love to get to experience it with company <3

He will need to generate the funds, but he’s probably not going to struggle as badly as me. He will make them. My college buddy offered to help me with any costs I can’t cover myself, which eases me a bit too. So this makes my main concern being having a good enough demo reel for November, which I’ll work on.. a bit stressed, but I will

#365 art challenge #365 challenge #daily doodle 2017 #daily doodle #doodle #jeany545 daily doodle #art

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mitchbeck · 6 years ago

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CANTLON: HUSKIES LOSE TO ENGINEERS, 5-2

By Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - Avon's Chase Zieky had three points propelling RPI to a 5-2 non-conference win over the UCONN Huskies before 3,165 fans at the XL Center on Wednesday night. The UCONN record drops to 7-14-1 and 2-10-1 in HEA). They will play home next Friday against The University of New Hampshire. RPI's record improves to 7-15-0 overall and 4-7-0 in the ECAC. “It was a disappointing loss for us. Coming off a game against Merrimack, where we didn’t play well at all structurally, I thought we got better structurally as the game went along. We didn’t give up a lot of odd-man rushes like we did in Merrimack, where there were six or seven. From that standpoint, I thought we were better. The game came down to special teams. The Engineers got two power-play goals, but five-on-five it was a pretty even game. We just have to get better as a team; coach better, and play better, and find a rhythm. I don’t think we found a rhythm yet as a club. With 12 games left, we gotta find a way to do that pretty soon,” Huskies head coach Mike Cavanaugh remarked. The Huskies started the third period having not won in ten tries this season when trailing after two periods. They almost saw RPI make it a three-goal lead early. Ottoville Leppanen of RPI, saw his shot hit the pipe at 1:07. The red light came on, but neither referee Scott Hansen or Jay Durfee signaled a goal. Before a whistle could be blown, UConn called for a review and it narrowed the lead to one goal. UConn team captain, Miles Gendron was in the lower right wing corner and Karl El-Mir's hard work allowed him to turn and fire it quickly on a sharp angle. The shot evaded the padding of RPI goalie, Owen Savory, at 2:15. The goal momentarily gave the Huskies a brief hope they could make a comeback. The goal extended El-mir's point-scoring streak to a season-high six games. The Huskies had a chance to tie it as Ruslan Iskharov had his best offensive opportunity of the game with a backhander off the right-wing that was denied, but shortly thereafter, RPI reestablished their two-goal lead. Zieky, an Avon product who played at Avon Old Farms, and who had 30-plus family and friends rooting for him, nailed his third point of the night with a cross-ice pass from high in the left wing circle. The pass found Will Reilly, who had inside position on Evan Wisocky on the right wing. He beat Tomas Vomacka who was over too far to his short-side at 10:44. The goal made it a 4-2 RPI lead. The Huskies outshot RPI, 33-28, but they missed the net far too often. Their big guns, Iskharov and Payusov, had just three shots between them. “I would like more shots from everybody," Cavanaugh said. In the second period, UCONN came out and put strong offensive zone pressure on RPI and got three shots on the first 1:30. The Huskies just couldn’t sustain any long offensive zone cycles or play with a sense of urgency as a team with its back up against the wall. This team needs to get on a winning streak as it embarks in playing ten conference games over the next six weeks. “I don’t know if we played with enough urgency in the first period,“ as Cavanaugh pondered his words carefully as he answered. “In the second period, we came back after the two powerplay goals and in the third period, we played desperately. But you have to play desperate from the start the way the season is going. If we don’t play desperate now, we won’t make the playoffs,” said Cavanaugh. This season, Hockey East will have the top eight make it to the post-season and the bottom three, they will go home. RPI was able to establish a two-goal lead off the power play. Ishkarov took a penalty and is known for his speed, but used it poorly when he chased down a player from behind and earned a tripping call in the UCONN defensive end of the ice. Zieky then got his second goal of the night sneaking behind two UCONN players and converting a perfect pass from behind the net from Leppanen, the team's Finnish freshmen, at 12:11. “(It) felt good putting it in the net, and it was good for us to get some power-play goals. Today was our best full-game we've played to date,” remarked the PC transfer playing in his seventh game since he became NCAA eligible. “ I had all my little cousins here tonight. They made signs for me. It was pretty cool,” Zieky said. The Huskies responded quickly. Brian Rigali picked up a rebound from his first shot that came on the left wing. He snapped it into the open left side at 13:38. The play was set up by Max Kalter, who had retrieved the puck in the right-wing corner with a backhand pass to Rigali. Another poorly timed penalty allowed RPI to retake a two-goal lead. Gendron got caught with the extra swat at center ice and that let the Engineers go on to score in the last minute of regulation. RPI’s Patrick Polino skated around the net and spotted the right-handed, Todd Burgess, all alone in the left wing circle. Burgess snapped a shot over Vomacka's glove hand into the upper left-hand corner with 44.2 seconds left and a 3-1 lead, giving RPI the game's momentum. The Huskies season-long inconsistency put them in a box forcing them to work their way out of it in order to make the Hockey East playoffs, and their first-period play reflected that. UConn's center-ice puck management was not up to par as they made too many neutral zone turnovers. RPI connected off their first prime chance for the lone goal of the period. “I thought in the first we were holding on to the puck too long. We were not moving the puck quick enough, but I thought it got better as the game went along,” said Cavanaugh. RPI had a whole different perspective on puck amangement. “Everybody wants to handle the puck and play offense, but we have success when we defend quickly and we were committed to that tonight,” RPI head coach Dave Smith said. “Across the board, UCONN had a couple of pushes. We managed the puck and controlled the ice very well. When they pushed, we fought back very well.” Brady Wiffen had a quality chance off a turnover and the Engineers kept the puck in the zone. RPI’s fired another shot on goal from the left side by Jake Johnson. Vomacka made the save, but the rebound went right to Zieky who flicked it over the Huskies' netminder for his second goal in seven games at 5:40 to give RPI the 1-0 lead. “We talk before every game about getting the lead and we did tonight,” Zieky said. “Its been great for us. We have done that in the last three road games.” UCONN didn’t get a quality shot on goal until El-Mir's shot at 10:46. Again, a neutral zone gaffe allowed RPI defenseman Kyle Hallbauer to strip the biscuit from the much taller Ben Freeman. Hallbauer used the backhand with body position, but Vomacka made the save. RPI had 13 shots in total for the period and a poorly thought-out blind back pass by Ishkarov and RPI’s Jakub Lacka, who was cut off with effective backchecking, kept the puck in the UCONN end of the ice give RPI a chance at some quality shot taking. The Huskies only other quality shot gave from Brian Freeman with 2:09 left but RPI’S Owen Savory made the save. NOTES: Several Huskies have been offensively challenged for about the past month. Sasha Payusov now has three goals in 14 games. The NY Islanders' second-round draft pick, Ruslan Ishkatov, has one goal in his last 14 games and just four points. On the plus side for UConn, senior Karl El-Mir (Montreal, QC) has eight points in his last 11 games while freshmen, Jachym Kondelik, has three points in three games since returning from the World Junior Championship tourney in Vancouver where he played for the Czech Republic. He had his mini-point streak ended. The Huskies', Johnny Evans, remains out with an upper-body injury. No date for his return has been set. Meanwhile, Justin Howell’s season is over as he's having knee surgery. UConn goalie, Tomas Vomacka, played and saw his first game action in over a month since representing the Czech Republic in the World Junior A tournament in Bonnyville, AB. Vomacka was in the net when Canada West's entry knocked off the Czechs 3-1. He made 37 stops at the RJ Lalonde Arena. Read the full article

#AvonOldFarms #BrianFreeman #BrianRigali #ConnecticutHuskies #ECAC #GerryCantlon #HockeyEast #Howlings #JachymKondelik #MikeCavanaugh #RuslanIskharov #theUniversityofNewHampshire #TomasVomacka #UCONNHuskies #UniversityofConnecticut #XLCenter

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jstevens1015 · 8 years ago

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WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

Hey! Alright so one of the main reasons I decided to start writing on Tumblr at least semi-regularly was to translate some of the thoughts in my crazy and sporadic mind to a concrete format. Sometimes the thoughts build up so much and I never express them, whether verbally or written, so it can become overwhelming. While I am an English major with a Bachelor’s degree, I still find myself struggling to formulate thoughts and reasoning that make sense to anyone but myself and I am even worse about committing these thoughts to memory or paper so I am going to use this as not only a writing tool but hopefully as a self-improvement tool as well.

With that being said, I’d like to take this opportunity to express some feelings that I’ve been having lately about one of my favorite passions: video games. YO THEY ARE SUPER GREAT. But maybe also super awful at times.

I’ve had a love affair with video games since I was maybe around four or five years old. My dad was a big video game fan when he was my age and carried on this passion throughout early and middle adulthood. He lived through the Atari era so he was basically on the fuckin’ landing grounds of the creation of my favorite past time. I remember him telling me how great games like Pong and Pac-Man were and how he couldn’t believe how far they advance in terms of graphics and capabilities every time there is a new system release.

The first gaming system I ever had was a Sega Genesis. I have some splendid memories of playing Sonic the Hedgehog, Mutant League Football, Streets of Rage 2 and many more games that I can’t possibly remember all at once. And since I was a young and dumb kid, I even got to experience some of the more obscure titles that most older folks wouldn’t have played at the time. These would especially include licensed movie titles like Power Rangers and Home Alone, among others. While games based on movies often get a bad reputation, I distinctly remember enjoying these two titles particularly because of my ever-growing love of the source material. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie game was a side-scrolling beat ‘em up very similar to Streets of Rage 2 so that is likely why I enjoyed this title so much. And man was it a shit ton of fun playing Home Alone and setting traps for Harry and Marv to fall into.

Okay. Let’s get back on track. So my dad started my love for gaming by sharing his memories and experiences and by purchasing me a Sega Genesis. Blah blah blah. Flash forward to my teenage years. By this time, I was long past my 8 bit and 16 bit gaming days and was into 3D gaming systems that were far advanced from the good ‘ol Atari or Genesis days. I watched in amazement as my dad marveled again at “how good this shit looks” and forever possessing the “what will they do next” philosophy and mindset.

On a related note, I remember the day that we finally got high speed internet in my household. Although we lived in the country and were only able to obtain speeds of 1mbps, it was like luxury living for people who formerly lived with dial-up internet. The reason why this is worth mentioning is because this now opened up a whole new world for me: the world of online gaming. Boy, did I not have a clue how great and equally terrifying this would be for me.

As I became older, I became at least slightly more skilled at playing games than when I was younger. However, I could not understand why the people who played games online against me in multiplayer modes were so much better. I struggled with this a lot and, admittedly, it’s a personal problem that I still have. I’m not sure if I have a competitive complex that I don’t like to reason with or if it’s something else but goddamn do I have some gaming-related anger and self-esteem issues. You would’ve likely heard me yelling in frustration in these angst-driven years, screaming phrases such as OH MY GOD THIS GUY HAS KILLED ME TEN TIMES IN A ROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN LEFT MY RESPAWN AREA. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS? WHY IS HE CROUCHING UP AND DOWN ABOVE MY CHARACTER’S DEAD BODY?!?!

There is a point I’m going to make. God I’m bad at this. SEE THERE IT IS AGAIN.

My parents, especially my dad, became very angry that I was angry over a video game. The hobby that he once loved so much had mostly become a thing of the past (besides occasional sports games) so he couldn’t possibly understand why a simple hobby was making me so angry. I tried reasoning with him, stating the idea that he was likely angry when he lost to the AI on his older games. He told me he never remembered getting angry because “it was just a game” and “it’s just a computer” and that he never reacted in such a strong way.

Then, it clicked.

The reason why I get so angry about playing games online is because I am personally interacting with real human beings and not just a computer, not just a form of artificial intelligence. A real, living, breathing, swearing, mother insulting person. And people. SO MANY PEOPLE ALL ONLINE AT ONCE. And these real people don’t give a single fuck about my feelings or how bad I am at the game. Their mission is to make their player beat or destroy or kill my player. It’s truly just a game and shouldn’t hold such a great weight on anyone’s mind but online gaming has a way of making it feel personal and I think that’s why it still has the ability to fill me with such a completely unjustifiable rage.

This brings us to present day. While I still play games online quite often, I feel that my experiences and feelings have changed. I am no longer a child or even a teenager. I am a twenty-five year old man with two part-time jobs, a fiancee, a cat, an apartment to clean and maintain and bills to pay. SO WHY THE HELL AM I STILL GETTING MAD OVER VIDEO GAMES?

I think that we, as an obviously imperfect species of living biology, are always striving for better. I have clearly evolved and matured as person but there is still that part of me that wants to break shit and throw things when I lose. Maybe I’m just a sore loser. I probably am. BUT. There is so much shit wrong with this world, especially in 2017, that we tend to expect to gain happiness and success out of the hobbies, interests and activities that we spend our free time on while the rest of our time is spent working or sleeping. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone but I think it’s true for me. I think that everything in my life is so uncertain, so messy, so complicated and so challenging for me that I expect my hobbies to provide me an escape from reality and responsibility and send waves of happiness to my screwed up brain.

Speaking of happiness, I want to mention one of the main reasons why I was prompted to write this very long post. Well, maybe not long by Tumblr standards but surely by my own!

I have recently been playing a game called Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds. It’s a PC game I’ve been playing with my friend Ben on Steam. The elevator pitch for this game is imagine you’ve been put into a Hunger Games style world where you are dropped on an island and must fight to the death with all the other inhabitants. It is simply amazing to realize that there are up to one hundred people in any given match of this game and it could be one hundred different people that you are fighting every time. One hundred different characters that represent one hundred real people, just like you and me. Except maybe not as nice. This game is super stressful, intimidating and difficult at times but HOLY SHIT it is fun. I can honestly say it is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. The constant desire to finally get that win, or “chicken dinner” as the game refers to it, is the pure carnal force that is driving me to keep playing. I keep telling myself the frustration will pay off and I will eventually win.

Well, long story short, I have played countless matches of this game with Ben and I had never won a game of it until last night. We have made it into the top ten out of fifty teams on several occasions and have put over fifteen hours into this game so far but had never won up until this point. I won’t describe this play-by-play but here’s the general gist of it: my friend Ben died early in this match so I was left alone to proceed through the rest of the match. At first, I was completely unsure of how I could possibly proceed without him but then the number of players left in the game started sinking lower and lower until I was finally in the last ten remaining. And then eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. There were three players left, including myself. I had not landed many accurate shots in this match thus far and was almost sure that I would blow this. At last, I fired my virtual assault rifle and eliminated the last player. A screen popped up that said, “WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!” and gave me some match statistics. I was in a state of shock as Ben yelled in excitement and couldn’t believe it. After hours of trial and error, I had finally won.

I know this post may sound completely trivial and unimportant to anyone but me. The truth is that video games mean a lot to me and being good at them means more than I wish it did. But I think that video games aren’t nearly as irrelevant or pointless as some people make them out to be. Personally, this was a learning experience for me that I needed to have long before adulthood. Sometimes, trial and error is the only method that leads to success. But if you don’t try in the first place, you can’t even reach the point of error. I worked past my fear of being bad at video games and the judgment that would follow by the other players and I accomplished a goal.

Simply put, I expect too much from video games. They have given me fun and happiness for years but how dare they not do this 100 percent of the time or else it will inevitably lead to me being pissed off and destructive.

So thank you, video games. You non-living, virtual, amazing, bullshit, absolutely wonderful creation.

#video games #winner #long post #battlegrounds #success

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lilystell · 7 years ago

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Lily’s Leaf Green Nuzlocke #1

Rules: -If a pokemon faints, it is dead and has to be released. -I can only catch the 1st pokemon in each area. --If that pokemon dies, then I missed my chance to get anything; -Duplicate cause, I will not catch a pokemon or any of the evolution line that I had already caught. -Rares can be caught during their first catchable encounter. But cannot be used for the game. -All pokemon must have a nickname to form a stronger bond.

Time to begin my journey.

This was the day. The day I leave home and everything I’ve grown up knowing. No more sitting out on the roof and dreaming of the day I’ll get my partner and leave. The professor said he would be ready for me shortly. But I had too much energy, I needed to get out and get some fresh air.

I went down stairs and spoke to mother. She’s tried not to cry as she spoke to me, but there was a tremor to her lips. I reassured her that I wouldn’t be gone long. There was a minor task I’d have to complete before I truly would get to adventure. The rout leading to our northern neighbor was short and hardly dangerous, after all.

With a hug, I was out the door. Perhaps I should’ve waited at the lab, but my feet brought me to the first path I would walk, like it was calling to me. Before I could get too far, I heard my name being called. It was Professor Oak. He scolded me for trying to leave without a way to defend myself from wild pokemon. Which was silly, plenty of people roamed just fine with out the help of a companion. But I didn’t say so, after all, I did want a pokemon of my own.

Oak, led me back to the lab, and who was waiting inside? None other than Gale. Gale, Mr.Hot-Stuff, arrogant since the moment he was born, the professor’s grandson. I had known him my whole life, and he had always been a brat. And just like me, he was going to pick a pokemon today. I wished it were Daisy, Gale’s sister, who was being given one instead, but she was still a few years too young.

I got to pick first.

Approaching the pokeballs, I only half-listened about the pokemon inside. The ball on the right caught my attention and I picked it up. I heard the word ‘Charmander’ and nodded my head. The fire starter was my pick and I called him out. The little guy looked at me and smiled brightly....as well at everything else. He seemed a little naive, but that’s alright. My heart warmed at getting to meet him. I decided to give him a name appropriate for his type:

Cinder.

Gale, being the pain he is, picked the water type and called him Jet. Then he promptly challenged me. If our pokemon were more experienced, I might have been worried to fight a water type. As was though, Cinder and I won....a narrow win.

Losing, Gale had to put on airs and hurry on out. Oak could only shake his head and heal my pokemon. Then he gave me my task. Head to Viridian City and go to the pokemart. There would be an item for me to pick up and bring back. It was a simple thing. Along the way I got more battle practice and met one of the many people on this route.....without a pokemon. He gave me a potion to promote the shop I was already heading to. Which was nice of him. It also reminded me to pick up the potion that was sitting in my account on the PC.

If I wasn’t eager for my reward, I would have investigated more. But as was, I made my way back to the professor to deliver his package. And the reward was worth it. Pokeballs. But that wasn’t all. The old man had forgotten to give me and Gale something very important earlier....which meant my rival had been called back to receive it. The item was the pokedex, a device that would record information about the pokemon we see and catch. Now the journey could really begin.

Gale was trying to snub me by saying his trip would be easier since he got a map from his sister, and that there was no way she would give me one. Which I suppose was his way of telling me there was a gift Daisy had waiting for me. I headed over to their house and sure enough, the younger girl handed me a map as well. The two of us hugged and I promised that I wouldn’t grind her brother too far into the dust when we ran into each other.

Finally, I could look at Route 1 as an opportunity and not just a hop, skip, and a jump to the next city. I could catch my first pokemon here. Cinder seemed happy that we’d be getting a new friend....hopefully. He didn’t understand that I didn’t plan on lingering for too long. We were going to try for the first ‘mon we found before moving on.

And what was that first pokemon? A Rattata, who was caught. I felt pride as I called her out to name her. She reminded me of a cartoon character so I named her after that. Minnie. Little Minnie seemed good with the name. More than good. Perhaps one could say adamant about it even?

More members of our team followed. Off to the left of Viridian, we chanced upon a Mankey. He was named after a great pirate, Jack. No, not the Sparrow Jack, Monkey Jack. For a Mankey though, Jack seemed fairly mild. Strange for a pokemon known for their temper. I wouldn’t complain though, it would make internal fighting less likely.

The next was Sky, the Pidgey. I wasn’t sure about her when I met her north of the city in a little patch of grass. She seemed very timid about, well....everything. It took some coaxing to convince her to join. Hopefully this adventure would help settle her nerves.

My new friends and I spent some time bonding and picking up people’s trash. Some of the things we found were more useful than other, like the Potion hidden among the trees.

So far, I think this adventure is off to a good start. I look forward to tackling the upcoming forest. Until next time though,

May adventures continue to bloom for you,

Lily.

#pokemon nuzlocke #Leaf Green nuzlocke #Lily's story

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austinpanda · 5 years ago

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Dad Letter 051720

17 May, 2020

Dear Dad--

Happy Sunday! I have spent another week fretting about not having a job, or at least one that requires working and giving me payment in exchange for that work. But I’ve also spent the week maintaining the household, keeping in touch with friends, and bird watching. We’ve seen a few new birds recently, so I’ll include pics of any of them that aren’t excruciatingly boring to look at, along with the good qualities of each, and the (as my old job put it) areas where they have opportunity for improvement! You know, if they really want to succeed.

I gave blood to my health clinic, and they centrifuged out the bacon, and got back to me with results. This meant having a post-lab work doctor’s visit, and because it’s now, the year of the pandemic, we had our appointment virtually. I had a Zoom meeting with my doctor, he in his living room, and me in mine. I had my PC with a webcam and a monitor. He probably had a laptop. Despite the science fiction setting, the doctor’s visit was a carbon copy of every other doctor’s visit of my adult life. Stop eating enjoyable things. Start exercising. These numbers are unimpressive; make your numbers better. Not liking your A1C. (Yeah? I don’t like your stupid miniblinds.) Credit where credit is due: I have to admire my doctor for doing the impossible thing that doctors do, try not to show frustration with a patient who needs to live healthier, but instead insists that there are health benefits in gluttony and sloth that science simply hasn’t uncovered yet.

When it comes to the job, I still haven’t heard from Penquis. This means that I’m probably not going to be starting there any time soon, which is fine, since I wouldn’t have been working during the warm months anyway, so I’ve had to develop a new plan. New plan: Start looking for work again on Monday! This means that, even though I applied for, interviewed for, and was offered a job, I now need to look for a job. I’m okay with this, but money is going to start getting exciting before too long. No worries! I’ll get to work finding something to tide me over.

I have to say, and I never thought I would, I’m genuinely getting into bird watching. We got a bird feeder on a pole, and set it up not far from our living room window, and it’s drawing all different kinds of birds! And now that we have a bird guide, a few things have happened that I hadn’t anticipated: It’s pretty easy to identify most of the birds that stop by, because most of them are pretty distinct. (The exception is sparrows, so fuck those guys.) But once you can identify most of the shit that stops by the bird feeder, it makes it a whole lot easier to spot new varieties when they happen by. Just this morning Zach was looking out the window, and I heard his breath catch, and it was a new yellow bird. A lot of highlighter birds here, looking like they were colored with yellow markers. This kind of thing happens; a new bird pops up, we rush to identify it if it flies off, rush to photograph it if it sticks around.

The new yellow guy from this morning was, we think, a warbler of some kind, but there isn’t one just like it in our bird guide. This means I take the picture I took, use it for a google search (you can give google an image and it’ll search for similar images, great for identifying birds) and find out exactly what it is. It’s like a board game! Or more specifically, it’s like collecting bubblegum cards. Try to collect the whole set! I’ve still never seen an owl in the wild, or a bald eagle. I got a photograph of a bald eagle, but it was so far away I couldn’t see it with my eyes. (That was on an eagle-spotting boat tour in Texas a few years back.) Also I haven’t started putting out hummingbird feeders yet, because I need to get a couple. But once I do, we’ll see what kind of hummers I can attract and photograph. I’m not exactly thankful to the coronavirus for thrusting bird watching upon me, but now that it has, I’m starting to get into it.

Another thing I have to admit I’m getting into is Animal Crossing. This is the video game I’ve mentioned in the past, where the object is to wander around and dick with stuff. You have your own island, and a few neighbors on your island, and you can fish, catch butterflies and bugs, grow trees, flowers, and other plants, dig up fossils, get furniture and other things for your house, rearrange them, collect sets of furniture. Whenever I describe this game, I can almost hear the voice of someone who’s never played the game, saying, “Yeah, but what do you DOOOO? What makes it a game?” Well, you do whatever the hell you want, and the game makes sure that whatever you’re doing is beautiful, and interesting, and rewarding in some way. That’s kinda the joke: What do you do in this game? “Man, I just caught a rainbow trout, and now I’m sitting on a tree stump. I’m on fucking Cloud Nine over here.”

Yesterday I actually won a fishing competition against my other islanders by catching the largest sea bass. There was a little award ceremony at the end, and I now have a little golden First Place trophy that I put in my house.

The game is that relaxing. Thing is, a new version came out a short while ago, and it’s not only popular, but it’s becoming insanely, record-breakingly popular. It’s become one of those games that’s so popular, that the sales of the console that you play the game on have started going up, just because of this game. And every week or so, I read a new article in the news about the game. People have to practice social distancing, for example, but they’re getting married, so...they get married on Animal Crossing, and invite friends to watch online. I just read a long story in the Washington Post this morning about a guy who figured out a way to celebrate the Ramadan month of fasting on Animal Crossing. During that month, they can’t eat from sunrise to sunset, so they make arrangements, then gather early in the mornings and late at night to share a meal, together, online, as part of their religious celebration. The guests get on voice chat, and converse, and eat whatever they’re eating, and tour the host’s virtual island and virtual house, and pass judgement on all his virtual stuff.

You know, I don’t actually mind this life I’m leading right now. I need to find a job, and I’m going to be fretful until I do, but my days are kind of sweet, especially now that I know what kinds of birds I want to see next. For the record, what I want to see next, from our Maine bird guide, is the purple finch (because it’s purple) and the white-winged crossbill (also because it’s purple). Soon as I see either one, I’m going to photograph the SHIT out of it, and post it online, and send you a pic. In case you didn’t know, my favorite color is purple.

More next week! All my love to you both! :D

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2tsrwzsba-blog · 5 years ago

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