jstevens1015

[jstevens1015]

Beautiful night for an Indians game! Let's go Tribe and get this much needed win tonight! (at Progressive Field)

[jstevens1015]

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

Hey! Alright so one of the main reasons I decided to start writing on Tumblr at least semi-regularly was to translate some of the thoughts in my crazy and sporadic mind to a concrete format. Sometimes the thoughts build up so much and I never express them, whether verbally or written, so it can become overwhelming. While I am an English major with a Bachelor’s degree, I still find myself struggling to formulate thoughts and reasoning that make sense to anyone but myself and I am even worse about committing these thoughts to memory or paper so I am going to use this as not only a writing tool but hopefully as a self-improvement tool as well.

With that being said, I’d like to take this opportunity to express some feelings that I’ve been having lately about one of my favorite passions: video games. YO THEY ARE SUPER GREAT. But maybe also super awful at times.

I’ve had a love affair with video games since I was maybe around four or five years old. My dad was a big video game fan when he was my age and carried on this passion throughout early and middle adulthood. He lived through the Atari era so he was basically on the fuckin’ landing grounds of the creation of my favorite past time. I remember him telling me how great games like Pong and Pac-Man were and how he couldn’t believe how far they advance in terms of graphics and capabilities every time there is a new system release. 

The first gaming system I ever had was a Sega Genesis. I have some splendid memories of playing Sonic the Hedgehog, Mutant League Football, Streets of Rage 2 and many more games that I can’t possibly remember all at once. And since I was a young and dumb kid, I even got to experience some of the more obscure titles that most older folks wouldn’t have played at the time. These would especially include licensed movie titles like Power Rangers and Home Alone, among others. While games based on movies often get a bad reputation, I distinctly remember enjoying these two titles particularly because of my ever-growing love of the source material. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie game was a side-scrolling beat ‘em up very similar to Streets of Rage 2 so that is likely why I enjoyed this title so much. And man was it a shit ton of fun playing Home Alone and setting traps for Harry and Marv to fall into.

Okay. Let’s get back on track. So my dad started my love for gaming by sharing his memories and experiences and by purchasing me a Sega Genesis. Blah blah blah. Flash forward to my teenage years. By this time, I was long past my 8 bit and 16 bit gaming days and was into 3D gaming systems that were far advanced from the good ‘ol Atari or Genesis days. I watched in amazement as my dad marveled again at “how good this shit looks” and forever possessing the “what will they do next” philosophy and mindset.

On a related note, I remember the day that we finally got high speed internet in my household. Although we lived in the country and were only able to obtain speeds of 1mbps, it was like luxury living for people who formerly lived with dial-up internet. The reason why this is worth mentioning is because this now opened up a whole new world for me: the world of online gaming. Boy, did I not have a clue how great and equally terrifying this would be for me. 

As I became older, I became at least slightly more skilled at playing games than when I was younger. However, I could not understand why the people who played games online against me in multiplayer modes were so much better. I struggled with this a lot and, admittedly, it’s a personal problem that I still have. I’m not sure if I have a competitive complex that I don’t like to reason with or if it’s something else but goddamn do I have some gaming-related anger and self-esteem issues. You would’ve likely heard me yelling in frustration in these angst-driven years, screaming phrases such as OH MY GOD THIS GUY HAS KILLED ME TEN TIMES IN A ROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN LEFT MY RESPAWN AREA. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS? WHY IS HE CROUCHING UP AND DOWN ABOVE MY CHARACTER’S DEAD BODY?!?!

There is a point I’m going to make. God I’m bad at this. SEE THERE IT IS AGAIN. 

My parents, especially my dad, became very angry that I was angry over a video game. The hobby that he once loved so much had mostly become a thing of the past (besides occasional sports games) so he couldn’t possibly understand why a simple hobby was making me so angry. I tried reasoning with him, stating the idea that he was likely angry when he lost to the AI on his older games. He told me he never remembered getting angry because “it was just a game” and “it’s just a computer” and that he never reacted in such a strong way.

Then, it clicked. 

The reason why I get so angry about playing games online is because I am personally interacting with real human beings and not just a computer, not just a form of artificial intelligence. A real, living, breathing, swearing, mother insulting person. And people. SO MANY PEOPLE ALL ONLINE AT ONCE. And these real people don’t give a single fuck about my feelings or how bad I am at the game. Their mission is to make their player beat or destroy or kill my player. It’s truly just a game and shouldn’t hold such a great weight on anyone’s mind but online gaming has a way of making it feel personal and I think that’s why it still has the ability to fill me with such a completely unjustifiable rage.

This brings us to present day. While I still play games online quite often, I feel that my experiences and feelings have changed. I am no longer a child or even a teenager. I am a twenty-five year old man with two part-time jobs, a fiancee, a cat, an apartment to clean and maintain and bills to pay. SO WHY THE HELL AM I STILL GETTING MAD OVER VIDEO GAMES? 

I think that we, as an obviously imperfect species of living biology, are always striving for better. I have clearly evolved and matured as person but there is still that part of me that wants to break shit and throw things when I lose. Maybe I’m just a sore loser. I probably am. BUT. There is so much shit wrong with this world, especially in 2017, that we tend to expect to gain happiness and success out of the hobbies, interests and activities that we spend our free time on while the rest of our time is spent working or sleeping. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone but I think it’s true for me. I think that everything in my life is so uncertain, so messy, so complicated and so challenging for me that I expect my hobbies to provide me an escape from reality and responsibility and send waves of happiness to my screwed up brain. 

Speaking of happiness, I want to mention one of the main reasons why I was prompted to write this very long post. Well, maybe not long by Tumblr standards but surely by my own!

I have recently been playing a game called Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds. It’s a PC game I’ve been playing with my friend Ben on Steam. The elevator pitch for this game is imagine you’ve been put into a Hunger Games style world where you are dropped on an island and must fight to the death with all the other inhabitants. It is simply amazing to realize that there are up to one hundred people in any given match of this game and it could be one hundred different people that you are fighting every time. One hundred different characters that represent one hundred real people, just like you and me. Except maybe not as nice. This game is super stressful, intimidating and difficult at times but HOLY SHIT it is fun. I can honestly say it is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. The constant desire to finally get that win, or “chicken dinner” as the game refers to it, is the pure carnal force that is driving me to keep playing. I keep telling myself the frustration will pay off and I will eventually win.

Well, long story short, I have played countless matches of this game with Ben and I had never won a game of it until last night. We have made it into the top ten out of fifty teams on several occasions and have put over fifteen hours into this game so far but had never won up until this point. I won’t describe this play-by-play but here’s the general gist of it: my friend Ben died early in this match so I was left alone to proceed through the rest of the match. At first, I was completely unsure of how I could possibly proceed without him but then the number of players left in the game started sinking lower and lower until I was finally in the last ten remaining. And then eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. There were three players left, including myself. I had not landed many accurate shots in this match thus far and was almost sure that I would blow this. At last, I fired my virtual assault rifle and eliminated the last player. A screen popped up that said, “WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!” and gave me some match statistics. I was in a state of shock as Ben yelled in excitement and couldn’t believe it. After hours of trial and error, I had finally won. 

I know this post may sound completely trivial and unimportant to anyone but me. The truth is that video games mean a lot to me and being good at them means more than I wish it did. But I think that video games aren’t nearly as irrelevant or pointless as some people make them out to be. Personally, this was a learning experience for me that I needed to have long before adulthood. Sometimes, trial and error is the only method that leads to success. But if you don’t try in the first place, you can’t even reach the point of error. I worked past my fear of being bad at video games and the judgment that would follow by the other players and I accomplished a goal.

Simply put, I expect too much from video games. They have given me fun and happiness for years but how dare they not do this 100 percent of the time or else it will inevitably lead to me being pissed off and destructive.

So thank you, video games. You non-living, virtual, amazing, bullshit, absolutely wonderful creation.

[jstevens1015]

Trying out the camera on this new Galaxy S8. Makes my beautiful Luna look even better.

[jstevens1015]

I Guess I’m Using This Now?

Hey! My profile tells me that I have 5 followers. I recognize John and Haley but that’s about it. I’m not sure if the other followers are bots or real people because Tumblr refuses to show me my other 3 followers. But hey to all of you, whether you be real or part of the cyber realm! 

Well anyway, I finally have a desktop so I’m gonna be able to type things and post them here. I’ve never really done this before so be gentle with my fragile soul. And body. And everything. 

I graduated in December of 2016 with a Bachelor’s Degree in English. (YAY ME!) Needless to say, I love to write and read. So much so that I changed my college major (long story for another time) to revolve around these two things. But hey, here’s the thing: it’s VERY hard to find a job right now. And here I was thinking it would be easier to get a job with a degree than without one. BUT HOO BOY DID THE UNIVERSE HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR YA BOI. 

Currently, I’m playing a balancing act between two part-time jobs. One of them is a doctor’s office desk job as a medical records clerk. The other is a factory job that I won’t name because I’ll probably say some not so nice things about them at some point. I’ve been looking and looking and LOOKING OH MY GOD SO MUCH LOOKING for a better job that is far more relevant to my degree. The job search is coming up empty. Not just your average, every day empty either. Empty as in you just poured yourself a nice, tall glass of your favorite beverage and your cat immediately knocks it over. Oh. I have a cat now too. Her name is Luna and she is love and hell personified as one living being. But again, that’s for another time. 

Basically, I just wanted to introduce myself and vent about job hunting. You can expect more posts in the future. Well, maybe. If I can just keep this one promise to myself this time. 

[jstevens1015]

The day is finally here! First MLS game of the new season. Go Crew! Seek revenge on the awful Timbers who embarrassed you in the Cup! #crewsc

[jstevens1015]

Most Reblogged Live Action TV

Live action is one of the top three kinds of action.

Supernatural | Official Tumblr

Parks and Recreation | Official Tumblr

Orange is the New Black | Official Tumblr

Arrow | Official Tumblr

The Vampire Diaries | Official Tumblr

Doctor Who | Official Tumblr

Teen Wolf | Official Tumblr

Game of Thrones | Official Tumblr

Once Upon a Time | Official Tumblr

The 100 | Official Tumblr

Sherlock

Pretty Little Liars | Official Tumblr

The Walking Dead | Official Tumblr

Hannibal | Official Tumblr

Orphan Black | Official Tumblr

RuPaul’s Drag Race | Official Tumblr

Agent Carter | Official Tumblr

How To Get Away With Murder | Official Tumblr

Daredevil | Official Tumblr

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. | Official Tumblr

[jstevens1015]

Let's go Crew! Beat New York! #crewsc #clbvny #mlsplayoffs

[jstevens1015]

#happyfridaythe13th #jasonvoorhees #campcrystallake

[jstevens1015]

IT'S FINALLY HERE. #fallout4 #vaultboy @bethesdasoftworks @bethesdagames

[jstevens1015]

RIP #gunnarhansen and thanks for all the horror. #leatherface

[jstevens1015]

Really digging this book so far. #pumpitup #elviscostello

[jstevens1015]

ONE MORE WEEK. @bethesdagames #fallout4 #vaultboy

[jstevens1015]

So ready for #crewsc to beat Montreal tonight! #mlsplayoffs #columbuscrewsc #greatlakesbrewery

[jstevens1015]

@waxworkrecords have sent me another masterpiece. Everything about this vinyl release is perfect, from the art to the color of the record. Trick R Treat is an awesome anthology horror film and this is a great addition to my vinyl collection. #trickrtreat #halloween2015 #vinyl

[jstevens1015]

“Bill Murray, you’re a zombie?”

[jstevens1015]

Me: I literally can't watch Doctor Who without singing the theme song.

Friend: But I thought you said that it doesn't have words?

Me: DOOOWEEEEOOOOO DOOOOWEEEEOOOOO DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

[jstevens1015]

Shout out to @waxworkrecords for making amazing horror soundtracks on vinyl. Got my first purchase in the mail today and it definitely won't be my last! #creepshow