#when in reality it doesnt do SHIT
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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isn’t it cool that my misery that my only purpose is to hype and support other people in their work and passions while not being capable of doing anything of my own backfired and now i can’t even successfully do that and i declined even further when it’s the only thing people have ever wanted out of me and the only way to actually be friends with people…like fuck man ok i guess
#z#screaming into my hands. realizing you genuinely dont deserve friends because you’re incapable of being one fucking sucks :(#and yet i am selfish and persist#i had to decline a commission from an old customer because i cant draw anymore and never will again and that felt. awesome#everyone always makes this out to be me thinking i have no value past what i can do when its not that at all#its just that i fundamentally do not *want* to be that person. its fucking humiliating to just be nothing#and everyones affection for you is just. like you’re a pet#like i think its perfectly fine and normal to not want that and idk why everyone acts like its self deprecation when its not lol ?? this is#why therapy wont help shit doesnt actually do anything when your problem is material reality
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if you dont vote for biden you're a dumbass who only cares about their image. swallow your shit pride and vote you utter fucking dipshit.
#how can you not understand how fucking important it is to vote for him in this fucking election? how fucking dumb do you have to be?#the revolution isnt coming and even if it did we would all die- you dont have enough tactical gear- we dont have a militarized left army.#trump Will fucking kill you. apparently that doesnt matter to you- & throwing away lives of other minorities is more important to you#when you're busy being a performative piece of shit.#dawg I would LOVE if we were voting for bernie. but thats not the fucking situation here. its either biden or a dictatorship we all die#under. life isnt always fucking fair. you'd think by now yall would've realized this but ig fucking not.#whats better- living with your conservative dad who physically abuses you. threatens you. doesnt recognize you for who you are.#bullies you. and all around hates you unless you be exactly the way he wants-#or your liberal mom who maybe isnt the best at what she's doing but at least shes not gonna fucking abuse you to THAT fucking magnitude#or- you can go end up on the fucking streets and struggle like hell and likely die. you choose dipshit. not voting is going to the streets.#ig you just want life to be harder for you unnecessarily bc idk. its fun or something or you're bored- but you dont realize that as#soon as you get out there-- you're fucked. you've romanticized being homeless too much bc you're jaded against your parents#and too blinded by being jaded that you cant fathom the reality of what it'd be like w/o at least one of them.#personally- I'm going with the lib parent. idgaf if shes imperfect. at least I wont die or be abused to shit and back.
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wrote up that whole last post bc i got distracted thinking abt the ethical quandry of warhammer and forgot to post the thing i actually wanted to talk about which is that leda's approach to the iconoclast route and empathy is very much akin to a modern day liberal who's trying to go vegan but also fucking just LOVES cheese. like ok its worth it and she's going to put in a concerted effort but ohhhhhh its hard. its so hard. and killing people/eating pre-grated cheese is sooooo easy. and so what if she has a cheat day here and there. its fine. she can pick it up again tomorrow.
#oc: leda#tay plays rogue trader#she also takes a very academic/theoretical approach to ethics because in 40k the entire concept of being nice might as well BE hypothetical#its hard to get a solid foundation of what to strive for. there is no manual to goodness & as a former adeptus mechanicus aspirant she rly#wishes there was lol#ultimately no matter how much she BELIEVES in iconoclast values and strives to uphold them she is still a product of her time and clings to#present REALITY when shit hits the fan lol. regrets it after. but again - the same way a vegan might regret eating dairy lol#secretly a lot of its aesthetics to her. theres a hypocrisy in her kindness because (and god i Need to make a follow up post for this)#she does think she was directly chosen by the emperor to be his prophet and messiah. LOL. DFGJKLFGDJKL#you cannot think shit like that without being a bit of a maniac!!!!!!! and tho she is kind in game#she can switch up pretty much instantaneously if the need actually arises and suddenly reality doesnt subscribe to her ideals#ie cammorragh. void shadows. likely post game nomos era etc.#shes maxxed out the iconoclast branch but my GOD do those two dogmatic points do some heavy lifting when the going gets tough
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downloading cc only to discover in game that it's alpha
#alpha cc is disgusting and no im not sorry#and no it doesnt make me RACIST like some of you delusionals think.#and no i do not care about their feelings when again theyre hyper misogynistic and they even SEXUALIZE LITERAL INFANTS IN THE GAME#every alpha cc for infants and toddlers is full on strip club attire but sized down.#infant skins have full faces of makeup#no one MADE them do this shit they chose to of their own free will and genuinely thought it looked good.#i do think they need a heavy dose of reality given to them in the form of bullying.
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not to be Me™️ but
#when will i get over it because at this point like...#theres no reason for this and i should be over shit by now#i am an entirely different person and no one i know os the same either so the idea of holding on to the past#seems at this point absolutely insane i cant get over shit#where is my eternal sunshine brain wipe because like i deserve to be normal at this point#i cannot believe this is a real thing my brain is doing to me#me @ my brain like girl be normal PLEASE#it just also doesnt even make sense at this point like#like brain please theres not actually anything to hold on to jsyk#theres nothing to hold on to everything is different everyone is different and if you go by the reality of what u were told instead of what#u feel you will realize there is nothing at all there#it was all in ur head bbg and thats probably even harder to get over but u gotta do it brain#we cant keep living w this lingering on#sigh#and im embarassed that i cant make it change at that point like its shameful to deal with at this rate#at this point being normal about anything would be nice#i actually want to know how to be normal but im fairly certain the answer is the ever annoying 'just keep going'#which im doing but like why am i not getting more normaler in the ways i want#anyway back to me being normal#but this is tumblr so normal is a heavy word
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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hate to admit it here but ed bitches make me so mad
#Theyr just fucking annoying like#ooo im so fat ugh i had a yummy treat Oooo i had 500 cals today thays too much ..!!! Why is my hair falling out guys#hate to be this guy but Nobody cares Nobody gives a shit ab ur bmi or how little u ate . idc what ur goal weight is idc how much u weigh rn#on the topic of weight tho Fuuuuck bitches who r like Omg u weigh more than me ...?!? Omg why do i weigh less than u ...!!!#those people r the pieces of garbage who make people have eds anyway#on top of that they dont know basic fucking anatomy that taller + more muscular people weigh more#and trying to explain how muscle mass weighs more than fat just makes them look at u weird#some people just dont understand body type . or how bmi doesnt take anything other than weight and height into account#when there r so many other factors .#ed bitches LOOOVE pretending the only measure for overweightedness is bmi .#i know the point is they have a warped sense of reality But i dont give a shit Theyre stupid and blindsighted by bullshit weight loss propag#<- not finishing thay tag u get it
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told myself that i dont care for any of the goo/d ome/ns theories out there but for some reason my brain just went
#season 2 spoilers in the tags so :3#i really suck at theories because i just like to ignore details of canon that i dont like but ill let you read it in the tags anyways#even if it makes me nervous im just a silly goofy guy you know#silly goofy guy syndrome#okay#so#directly from my dms with my fiance (who knows very little about go od ome ns#begin#you know how aziraphale left crowley on earth to go be the supreme archangel of heaven#what if crowley had been the original supreme archangel but was cast out alongside satan and his cohorts on a technicality or something#like he was just chilling and got caught up with the wrong crowd#and thats why the other demons dont really trust crowley. cause he was the fuckin supreme archangel#and when gabriel left that was them introducing the concept of the supreme archangel position being a semi fluid position#also a lot of people headcanon that crowley used to be raphael cause he doesnt show up with the other archangels weve seen in the bible#crowley has also been seen having extremely op abilities when compared to others in the show (ie bending reality and time with the snap of#maybe they can all do that idk i only remember crowley doing insane shit with time#also when he transported him aziraphale satan and adam into the VOID#and then seeing aziraphale take his old position just adds more salt to the wound of him leaving crowley behind#because besides believing heaven is too corrupt to be fixed- it hurts to think that aziraphale could possiblly fix heaven#but crowley couldnt when he was rhe archangel#i know its silly but this was just beamed into my head like a message from god#except its my hyperfixation and autism just shaking hands
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im so fucking tired of seeing arguments in favor of proshipping and “letting people have fun” there is literally nothing to say about it that makes it sound even remotely okay to me
#proshippers always tell anti-proshippers that ‘fiction is separate from reality’#like theyre adults telling kids that their imaginary friends dont exist#when are you fuckers going to realize that thats not why we have problems with it#the problem with shipping adults with children is not because ‘it makes me feel bad :(‘#its because its fucking weird to do that#youre free to deny how doing that says something about you all you want#but why the hell would you do that for any other reason#than precisely the reason we are all thinking of#this argument doesnt come from brainrot or delusions or anything like that#because i saw some asshole saying that#and let me tell you#what a douche way to discredit people against proshipping#i dont wanna see anyone for any reason give credit to that kind of shit ever again
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On one hand my one sister is Big Stupid and pregnant again, which I wouldn't care as much about if this wasn't the fourth kid with the fourth shitty fucking father who will do nothing but cause even MORE pain and suffering to my sister's life, and on the other hand my other sister keeps sending me apartment ads which is very sweet because she ALSO just had a baby (in August and also her situation is stable, I'm very proud she managed to pull off what she did considering where she's come from. Her boys, especially Older Nephew were SO excited for the baby and I love listening to Older Nephew talk about his sister, it's so heartening to see him so happy and excited. Something tells me my other sisters 3 girls won't be nearly as impressed, especially not Oldest Niece and it's gotten to a point where I feel somewhat compelled to try and mentor this poor kid but I don't know SHIT about kids and don't want to let this poor kid down like everyone else has, she deserves better than that).
Granted my whole life I've preferred Apartment Sister to Making Poor Life Choices sister but also recently Making Dumb Choices has made some serious improvements to her life, very impressive ones too, so it's just disappointing to watch her backslide especially into the same bullshit she's been doing since she was 18 and is now 32. But at least I'm not the only one apartment hunting 😂😂 her efforts are super appreciated given that she just moved herself as well, plus having a fresh baby (very cute baby too). Now with any luck my OTHER sibling will get her shit together hopefully before we're on child number six with father number six with all the same fucking personality flaws and mental health problems not one of these men take even remotely seriously because that's exhausting to me let alone my damn sister.
#winters ramblings#its very sweet that my oldest sister keeps sending apartment ads sometimes im reminded that they care in strange ways#but i like to keep that in the noggin for bad mental health days so if i feel like everyone hates me i can remind myself thats not true#now if only my OTHER older sister would stop making the worlds SHITTIEST choices and grow up thatd be great#i cant imagine doing the same shit at 32 as i did at 18 and bringing a CHILD into my stuoid fantasy thats utterly detached#from ANY known reality. she wants what my oldest sister has i guarantee it but oldest sister GOT that way#because she did the WORK to get there. went to therapy figured out how to make better dating choices for her and her kids#and now shes engaged to an AMAZING dude who loves the hell out of her and her kids. my other sister isnt gunna find that#with her present situation and it pisses me the hell off that we need a FOURTH kid to suffer through her fucking bullshit#before she MIGHT learn getting pregnant with bullshit dudes kids isnt gunna turn them into prince charming#prince charming doesnt exist and CHILDREN won't make him appear either. hard work and looking for men that DONT SUCK#is the way to go. getting therapy is the way to go. or at least SOMETHING self improvement that isnt a self improvement cult#because at this point i would not out it past her to decide to improve her life but do so in the most toxic way possible because it seems#she does not have the emotional skills and tools to do better. which is EXHAUSTING to watch. i love her i do#but oh my GOD how MANY times do you have to make the SAME mistake over THIRTEEN YEARS before you learn?!?!!!?!#and to drag FOUR children into your nonsense fantasy where It Works Out This Time. it WON'T WORK OUT#this man shes back together with for four seconds is a fucking tool who cant even pay his rent and keeo the shit in the apartment#he list that MY SISTER HELPED HIM GET. this man isnt even willing to take care of HIMSELF because he 'doesnt care' W H Y have a kid#with shit like that. itll do nothing but cause that kid pain let alone the three existing kids and i don't know why i seemed to have put#more thought into hakf this shit than she has. im nit kidding when i say ive out INFINITELY more thought into getting a DOG#or another cat than she put into having ANY of her going to be four kids and im baffled that people do that#because CHILDREN arent a joke theyre WHOLE PEOPLE who deserve better than what shes going to give them#like my oldest niece got shipped to her grandparents for being too much to handke like 7 months ago and youre adding a FOURTH??#unbelievably irresponsible and also an amazing way to tell my niece shes replacable and when the going gets tough SHE gets going#no 13 year old should EVER have to deal with this shit. which is why i feel kinda compelled to step in#but i dont have OR want kids i just see this poor girl struggling and appayfeel for her more than anyone else does#like thats not 100% true i KNOW my sister loves her kids but on the flipside shes totally fine to fuck this kid up#in all KINDS of ways i know shes not intending to but fuck. YOU chose this kid how DARE you ship her out when she gets too much#AND THEN CHOOSE TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE LIKE THAT WONT BE DETRIMENTAL TO LITERALLY EVERYONE
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Master Willem was right, evolution without courage will be the end of our race.
#bloodborne quote but its so appropriate#like big healing church vibes for them tech leaders#who are all shiny eyed diving headfirst into the utopic future#nevermind the fact that the dangers are only rlly obscured by their realism#the dichotomy of this ai will change the world make the world perfect that what we want#and they wanna get it there#but theyre not there#the chatbot is the thing they have to show for#granted when u use plugins and let a bunch of llms do shit together#u see the actual inscrutable magic that they can make happen#and that magic is also so threatening#but were all blinded to it bc we can only rlly acknowledge the watered down simplified realistic view of the reality#which is synival silly and ridiculous bc reality itself is one but so subjective bc we only have each persons interpretation#and its all so socially constructed#so the utopia becomes the dream of these tech leaders#and they wanna make it real#and its almost there#but the nighmare?#the dystopic future#they dont acknowledge#bc they dont dream or try to make it happen#and then theres just the basic reality#but its all tigether#just bc utopia is unlikely but possible#doesnt mean that having the tech for it#will lead to that#bc the system is the same#weve kept inovating non-stop and yeah so much commodification and wuality if life#but not acc changing anytjing
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Putting him in the blender is no longer enough I need to-
#river rambles#oc: elluin#I got to thinking about how him becoming shyka is so fucked up from a THIRD ANGLE#besides the obvious horror of it all#and the daeran pov of the person you loved that saved you from a terrifying hivemind entity becoming part of one#just. it sort of mirrors aeons in a way. yeah duh it's trickster you may say LET ME SPEAK#In the sense of . You know beings that see multiple versions of reality and timelines and everything#and are supposedly somewhat keeping order#How with the aeon in particular he genuinely felt insulted when offered the path as. He's an anomaly right. From a cosmic perspective#and it's caused him nothing but shit. To have a being that's supposed to fix cosmic errors show up to him-#and have the nerve to ask for ANYTHING? Again- insulting#but in a way Shyka isn't very different are they#of course there's the rather important detail of Elluin being part of them already#a snake biting its tail eternally- if you will#(and also the further context that Ellu is scared shitless of any Eldest more than any other entity. or god even)#just. you're on this path because you desperately crave freedom- control of your own fate#to hold it in your own hands rather than get tossed around by it like a punching bag#And you DO! But it's just not enough. When deep down you've always seen yourself as wretched and doomed. Having that notion confirmed..#well. that's it. Its set in stone. It doesnt matter that your power is SHATTERING stones- the option doesn't even cross your mind.#It was never going to. no matter how badly you want to live- you could never fathom a reason why you'd deserve to#i'm very normal about this. you can tell by the second person narration.
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god I love third sem so much. it's insane how well done it is like I think it's some of the best writing in p5 and it's a fucking addition
#☢️.txt#roz replays p5r#like. having played thru the plot of vanilla and having been a vanilla fan who was mostly satisfied with the ending#(sans akechi)#maruki as a character really adds to the game in ways that i didnt even realize would work. i dont understand when people say his shtick#doesnt fit with the og themes! theyre perfect for it what!!!#p5 has always been about standing against the norm and believing that its possible for society to be changed by the people#maruki fits into that *perfectly* and having the dilemma that he's genuinely a good person doing horrific things?#now that is something i wanted bc i felt p5 could benefit from some stronger moral ambiguity#but they pull it off so fucking well. especially with how they contrast maruki and akechi's worldviews#with akechi adamantly believing in the free will of a society he doesnt care for and that destroyed his conscious#while maruki doesnt give a shit about free will if it means he can save everyone from an unjust fate#akechi is the thief who benefits the most from maruki's reality AND he's the one who rejects it the strongest#i also love sumire. i do wish she got a lot more screentime + i feel bad that her palace got taken over by akechi being akechi#but i think she's a great character and again. adds a perspective to the game we didnt previously have#she had a mostly decent life. she has a loving family who did everything they could to support her.#she was STILL mentally ill and got taken advantage of by an adult everyone trusts. even when everyone learns what maruki did#they struggle to reconcile it because he's a good person. and sumire struggles with it so much.#i wish they let her get angry but also its like 3 weeks
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#idk idk idk#what the fuck do people want us to do lmao#'americans are spineless'#youre asking us to stage some kind of glorious revolution so we wind up with no president next year#shit doesnt work like that#they wring their hands and whinge and whine about how bad it makes them feel to vote blue#as though theres any other choice#i cant start a political revolution#i mean fuck if one kicked off my ass would be out there but i dont know what to do to start that#and barring a revolution theres only two outcomes#im sorry it makes you feel bad in your wittle heart but i remember what the last trump presidency was like and this one would only be worse#i dont like voting blue either#the unfortunate reality is that the situation in Palestine will not be resolved by this election#its so so important and i understand that but sometimes the reality of the world doesnt make you feel warm and fuzzy inside#sometimes you have to do things you dont like to keep something worse from happening#i understand american elections affect the world i get the frustration people have#but when british people come in here calling us spineless for voting blue it pisses me off#its Trump a Dem or a Revolution#id prefer a revolution#but i cant count on it#that doesnt make me spineless#and people act like you cant vote and go out orgazing and protesting and shit#its not an either or#begging people to stop telling trans americans to be complicit in allowing a party that wants us dead to dominate our government
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stilllll thinking about greatest estate developer it becoming so good this late game (not that it was bad before it just was good for different reasons...) kinda gives me hope for fucking. crown prince sells medicine. since its the same author in the same universe and stuff while reading ive just been like This is literally the same thing with the characters shifted slightly to the left... but ive kept reading because its funny but with ged literally hitting on every single aspect that i enjoy and long for in transmigrator stories it gives me such hope for crown prince sells medicine...
#i really enjoy transmigrate-into-a-character stories because they are always soooooo transgender#like this person is forced to live and adopt the life of someoneelse and use a fake name and basically create a fake personality#only to reveal who you truly are to a very small amount of people you trust the most.... so transgender...#so when javier found out and then started calling lloyd kim suho i got soooooo sosososoooooo happy. and now theyre going to seoul...#so fucking exciting#when i found out cale and ch/oi han were literally from the same exact korea when reading t/cf i got really excited for shit like that to#happen to. but no.#they get 1 conversation about it that doesnt even last an entire chapter before avoiding it completely#which like. in some ways makes sense... sure....#i dotn think cale is the type to want to discuss that espeically hafving to come to the reality that this fictional story is actually way#more real than he thought#like it makes sense A Little#but its handled in a way that just makes me want to cry like i dont remmeber when ch/oi han found out#but i do remmeber i have read At Least 50 chapters since maybe even 100 chapters since and the entire time ive just been crying sobbing#wishing they could have Some conversation about korea with each other... some sense of normalcy#like even before ch/oi han found out i was daydreaming about the reveal in then the reveal was so dissapointing for me 😭#so the way ged handled it was like so refreshing i loved it so much. i love when that happens#manhwa posting
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