#when i was a teenager there was no social media and no CHANCE a celebrity would really interact with the fanbase outside of meet & greets

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

need too add the tags too ☺️

Why do so many people have such an issue with Harry? Is it just because he is more commercially successful? I know you don’t know what everyone thinks but I am sure you have heard way more than me. I guess I just see someone who is introverted and private outside of his career but gives 100% at his shows and is engaging, funny and personable. Instead of being in a position to have to blatantly lie about personal matters, he chooses to remain silent. Can you help me understand why there is more of an issue with him?

I think that's a question that likely has as many answers as people you ask. I could make a long list, but it's just pointless. My general feeling is that most people don't really think very deeply about it. They see a few headlines, they see a bunch of TikTok comments, and they make a snap judgment: He's a dick, I don't like him, he's over-hyped.

In general, I find that when someone reaches a certain level of success, there's a precarious balance between remaining in the public eye and having your presence feel over-saturated. People were definitely sick of him after Holivia. His disappearing now is probably the best thing he could do for his career.

Beyond this, people love to knock someone off a pedestal. A lot of that, IMO, has to do with their own insecurities. It feels good to support someone who's "on your level" who likes the things you like and does the things you do, and who has been through challenges you also struggle with. It makes you feel good about yourself. Harry is very open and vulnerable with his music, but he doesn't spoon-feed the masses with simple lyrics or by spelling things out in a straightforward way. That pisses some people off, and they call him pretentious. They poke fun at him for doing the things he likes because somehow they don't relate to those things. I don't know. I don't get it.

To me, he's inspirational and aspirational. I'm curious about the books he reads, the art he likes, and the music he listens to... even if most of it is super esoteric and quirky. For me, he's curious about the world around him and is always looking for something new. I love that. Maybe it's just the stage of life I'm in, but I'd rather be introduced to things I've never experienced or heard of than be around people doing the same stuff I already do myself.

[adventuringblind]

Hi, I noticed (mainly bc u read a lot of your work) that you write a lot of dark/ self harm based/themed fics so I was wondering if you would be comfortable with writing a lestappen x reader with an Ed. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to so ofc feel free to ignore

(Your work is always very well written and I look forward to reading what you post next)

One for you and One for me

Lestappen x Reader

Genre: Angst/hurt comfort

Summary: Nobody is immune to the toxicity of social media, Charles and Max help their girl through it

Warnings: HEAVY ED, toxic media, body dysmorphia, sexual acts are mentioned but nothing happens

Notes: You must be psychic because I you sent this while I'm struggling with my own ED. I hope this helps you as much as it did me! 😊

Masterlist

Social media is something that everyone seems to revolve around. In theory, it could be great. Getting to see photos of friends and family and updates from celebrities you wouldn't otherwise interact with.

But here's the catch: in practice, the entire thing falls apart. People are left with images of things that are unachievable. Photoshop and filters have become everyone's new best friends. People put only their best foot forward and try to look as perfect as possible.

And those who don't? The ones who are criticized? The ones who will never meet that expectation? They are left trying to swim to the surface of a never-ending ocean. Drowning under the weight never being enough.

So, they do what they can. Nothing can be that bad if it makes them feel better, right? What's one meal skipped every day to cut back on calories?

In her case, she'd cut it all out. The idea of perfection and control weigh heavy in the pit of her stomach. The one that is currently growling as she weighs herself for the fifth time that day alone.

It's addicting, really, the feeling she gets from having gone another hour without a meal. The elation of seeing the scale drop in number.

The media and fans had been all over her appearance after going public with Max and Charles. She'd tried to ignore, but there was a piece of her looking for an excuse to dive back into the habits of her teenage years.

Her mother said she never looked like she had an eating disorder. Her father only started compliment her on her appearance once she was significantly underweight.

Max and Charles had been there for the fall. Her habits finally catching up to her when she started working with Redbull. She didn't have the energy to keep up with the schedule and one day had simply collapsed.

She'd gotten better. Promised the two boys they would never be on the verge of losing her like that again.

Now here she is, breaking that promise over the triple header by not eating at all. She'd started slowly, but now she has a chance to speed things up before the two boys notice anything. Too busy to really pay attention to her weight.

Maybe it would've been better if they hadn't been caught eating together. The fans might have a little less leverage to use on her. Maybe if she wasn't wearing something more revealing to a party in Monaco then they wouldn't have noticed how she looks.

The number on the scale is far from perfect, but it'll do for now. She slips on her teamwear that is looser than it was a few days ago. A satisfied but tired smile plays on her lips as she walks out the door.

The paddock is busy prior to the race. cameras are everywhere and she does her best to avoid them. Thankful her job is away from the majority of people. The less the cameras see of her, the better. A small part of her wonders if it would simply be better to disappear or become invisible. Maybe if she's thin enough, she'll be invisible from the side.

The day seems to drag on. The race is good and ends with both Max and Charles on the podium. It's the last race of the triple header meaning they will want to celebrate properly tonight. Maybe they will compliment her more now that she's lost weight. There is a prominent gap in her thighs and maybe will even be light enough for them to carry. The though makes her swoon.

The cheery conversation in the car quickly turns to logistics. Plans for dinner are made and she claims to have eaten while finishing up her work. To hungry to wait any longer.

There is a hesitant pause. They like knowing she ate with visible proof. That being the reason they eat together or at least someone is there to tell she ate if asked. Even if it's a bite.

They don't mention it. Charles orders in while Max drags her out of ear shot. She assumes it's because he is pent up, nothing surprising after a race. But nothing happens and she is left mildly disappointed.

Max cups her face. "I'm sorry we've been so busy."

"That's not your fault."

"No, but-" Max looks hesitant. "We know you haven't been eating. You're exhausted and your clothes don't fit. We can feel your bones when we hold you at night." She looks at Max in horror. "We thought maybe if we just made sure you felt comfortable that you would come to us but it's bad again."

Charles puts hands on her hips. "We'll take it slow, like last time. But please, we love you too much to see you become a shell of yourself again."

They say in that embrace until there is a knock at the door. Max is quick to answer it. He comes back holding their dinner. An extra box sits on top. One she assumes is for her.

"We got you a small salad. Nothing massive, no dressing, just vegetables." Max sets it all out on the table. They keep up casual conversation, so she doesn't feel horribly uncomfortable. Until they notice she is just playing with her food.

"How about, we continue talking, but we take turns taking bites? If you manage three, we'll call it a night," suggests Charles. Goal setting was helpful last time around. One week she took one bite of every meal, the next was two, and so on.

She manages three bites. Each of her own followed by one of theirs.

They all clamber into bed afterwards. Exhaustion hits her hard.

No, it's not perfect or straightforward. Relapses happen but healing is full of ups and downs. But she has people who care and who love her for who she is, not what she looks like. They'd rather her be healthy then bringing herself to the brink of collapse. And she loves them enough to try her best which is all they can ask for.

[junedenim]

2014

beneath the boardwalk, part 12 (series masterlist)

fireside

warnings: slutty behavior

word count: 15k

I found out Alex and Arielle broke up through Facebook. Of course, because it's Alex we're referring to—a man who never touched social media with a 39½ foot pole—I didn't find out through a relationship status update, I found out through an article. I cursed the Facebook gods for knowing I would click on the article and nearly didn't but I did because I had to know whether it was legitimate or just gossip. The article didn't indicate much either way. I made the assumption I would hear about it if it were true and clicked off Facebook before it fully rotted my brain.

I spent the majority of January in England. I had gone back for the holiday season but had been convinced to stay through the new year through the pull of London. I caught up with old friends, most notably my old neighbor, Lee, and her two girls who I used to babysit and who were now both teenagers. I felt old.

When I returned to New York, my agent told me that one of the short stories from my upcoming book would be featured in the New Yorker. Featured, not just plain old staff writing, a full-on feature. Right up there with the likes of Shirley Jackson, Truman Capote, and George Saunders (okay, maybe not up there, but I have it in common with them). It was a nice start to the new year.

Fennel and Kaka had a dinner party in celebration, or just to have an excuse to throw a dinner party, they like those kinds of things. I wore a slutty dress Fennel provided and got drunk on champagne.

The day after this beautiful fancy party, Opal took me out for a proper celebration. Shitty bars and shitty clubs to get drunk off tequila. This was followed by the worst hangover of my life which made me vow to give up alcohol (fat chance).

Alex called me during this time and I missed it. There was a good chance people thought I was dead for several days. I didn't answer my phone and only got out of bed to vomit. I never returned Alex's call but he called me right before Arctic Monkeys performed at Madison Square Garden. I assume the call was some form of an invitation to attend but I wouldn't have gone anyway. I watched their cover of "All My Loving" on YouTube a week later and decided that I was only pissed that I missed that song.

Through Fennel, I had met Isaac Gaunt, a fashion photographer from London. He asked to do a photoshoot with me, which could've been a good way to be sex trafficked but considering the guy had shot for Vogue, I took my chances.

Isaac and the photos he took of me unlocked a whole new world for me. One where I would be referred to for my looks. All those years of being concerned over my author photo seemed to be indicating something.

My agent had no experience with fashion and graciously suggested I get another agent who specialized in it. She proved that not all agents are money-hungry monsters. So, I stayed with her and said I wanted her to handle fashion the same way she handled books because I was still a writer after all.

Because my image had cultivated somewhat of a following over the first few months of the year, I was offered more and more opportunities and got to feel like a diva when I turned down offers because I was simply "too busy." I loved it. It fed into my ego and made me feel way better about myself after feeling like shit for so long.

Of course, the buzz only lasted for so long but because I had the luxury of dictating my new career and whatever direction it was heading, I got to control the rush. I quite liked being busy too, especially when it meant getting invited to cool parties. Thus, I drank more champagne.

I got an invitation to this one party at the Museum of the City of New York. The building itself being this glorious display of Gilded Age glamour. I believe it was a fundraiser for the museum but also a celebration of the city and the talent it cultivated. I don't think I fell into that category, I just knew the right people, which is really just what it's all about. Knowing the right people.

Most people didn't know who I was and those who did recognize me didn't know I was British, which meant that they hadn't read anything I had written. So, I guess I was just a face now. I thought that would piss me off more but I liked being this mystery. I was luckily still taken seriously and people were intrigued when I said I was a writer instead of rolling their eyes and thinking I was some dimwit with looks who claimed to be a writer but actually barely knew how to string a sentence together. 

At the MCNY, on the luxurious staircase, dressed in something that was expensive and vintage and left me fearful of spilling something on it the whole night, I ran into Jackson. We stared at one another and with a nod of each of our heads, we passed one another with not a word uttered. I assume he was there with one of his clients but I went on and met up with a group of people who were slowly becoming my friends and didn't see him for the rest of the night.

It made me feel mature. I didn't feel a need to prove how fabulous I was and no need to spin the skirt of my dress around or sip my champagne with no care for him. I was perfectly comfortable with a small smile and seeing that he was doing just fine. It made me feel like I must be doing just fine too.

*

On the first coatless day of the year, I got fro-yo with Opal and her friends, Nadia, Sophie, and Mina. Opal's birthday was the following week but I would be out of town so we had a mini girl's day with the latest craze of fro-yo. I had met all the girls before but only had a close kinship with Mina after she crashed at my place following a night of clubbing.

After buying our combination of swirls, we sat in Tompkins Square along a bench. By the time our fro-yo was melted, the topic of my goings next week arose. Opal asked, "How do you feel about seeing you-know-who?"

Nadia licked her spoon clean. "Who's you-know-who?"

"My ex-boyfriend," I informed. "I'm going to a wedding next week. It's his bandmate and my friend, Katie, getting hitched."

"Your ex-boyfriend is in a band?" Sophie questioned.

It was rather odd to me that my life had grown so far outward that people didn't know about Alex. I was grateful for it, specifically in terms of my career. My life moved on and my name was no longer followed by "Alex Turner's ex-girlfriend." It had been a new discovery that past year. Be it good PR people or, more likely, people in my line of work didn't care. 

Though, I was shocked Sophie didn't know.

"What are you going to wear?" Mina asked. I went simple since I was flying in from New York. It was a soft blue slip dress. There was nothing fancy about it other than the gorgeous colour.

In regard to running into Alex, I didn't care. Well, I mostly didn't care. Okay, I cared, but I didn't actively try not to. I wanted to be friendly and my expectations didn't go further than that. I wasn't nervous about it anymore. I cared more about Katie's wedding dress than what I would be wearing. In any scenario, that was an unanticipated form of growth out of self-absorbedness that I never believed I could reach. 

*

I cry at weddings. I am reduced to a blubbering fool. It's quite embarrassing. If I wasn't me, I would be making fun of me because being vulnerable is something I'm still not comfortable with despite how emotional I am. With Jamie and Katie, it felt understandable. They were a couple I watched grow together from two awkward kids to well-adjusted adults. It was an unexpected overwhelming feeling but Katie was so beautiful and I was jet-lagged. 

After grabbing a flute of champagne, I got my emotions under wraps and had small talk with the various attendees, many of whom I hadn't seen in years. I lucked out by finding AB and Shay, who I had no clue were attending, and buddying up with them by the bar.

I sipped my champagne, talked with them, and looked out at the crowd the whole time, slightly dreading or rejoicing whenever the moment would come that Alex and I locked eyes. Eye contact was generally avoided during the ceremony. I sat too many rows back and think my stomach would have fallen out of my ass if we looked at each other when two people were getting married. I much preferred the idea of a dramatic, but subtle and tamed, wedding reception gaze at one another. 

Breana found me during this time, sans Matt, which probably meant he was with Alex. As I hugged her, I feared Matt and Alex would come looking for her like she was some lost puppy. I felt ridiculous but Breana understood my predicament and didn't question why I was looking over her shoulder the whole time we spoke.

Cocktail hour wrapped with no sign of Alex, which meant I didn't get totally hammered before dinner. I was seated with AB and Shay, who were now engaged as well, and I spent the whole of our time together staring at the rock on her finger. 

Right around when I began to dive into dinner, I spotted Alex eating at his table. His back was to me. I wondered if we were intentionally seated that way so we didn't have to stare at each other from across the room.

Cake was given and I managed not to ball my eyes out during the first dance. AB and Shay escaped me to do their own dancing, I felt impossibly envious and deeply regretful that I had not shacked up with someone to bring as a plus one because weddings are disgusting and lonesome when you're watching all the cute couples dance.

I made friends with the only other single gal at my table, Dolly, one of Katie's friends. We travelled to the bar together with interlocked arms, despite the fact we barely knew each other. We both got a margarita and cheers to an okay night, whatever that might be.

"I haven't been to a wedding in years and suddenly it feels like everyone is getting married," Dolly said.

I hummed and swallowed my drink. "We're getting to that age when you're either a single loser or having babies."

"My younger sister is engaged and I don't even have a boyfriend. How much of a loser does that make me?"

I leaned against the bar and deposited my empty glass, requesting another one. "It makes you smart."

"Can you tell that to my parents?"

We shared a laugh and the bartender gave me my next margarita. A tap was felt on my shoulder and the voice rang through my ears, "Hey you."

I managed not to fully choke on the liquor running down my throat. I covered my mouth to prevent a major coughing fit or spitting the liquid out onto him. "Hi."

I wasn't sure what else to say. He stood there. I noted the uptightness in his posture. He smirked to hide his nervousness as suaveness. I knew he had to be nervous because I was too. I did get a kick out of him being the one to approach me. For a change, I no longer felt like the girl falling at his feet.

After too long of a silence staring at one another while Dolly surely thought we were looney, Alex asked, "How are you doing?"

I nodded. "Fine." I was being dry and rejecting, leaving nothing for him to grasp onto. This was the crossroads. I could be cold and watch him walk away dejected, getting immense pleasure for the power I had over him. However, who was to say I did not have that power over him anymore? Who's to say I wouldn't have just come off as awkward and a loser? A boring single loser.

I could’ve smiled and asked him how he was and acted out pleasantries that were likely too sweet to be believable coming from my lips. Silence hung and I wasn't sure what to do. I took a sip of my drink and Alex did the same with his. It was a game. Whoever finished their drink first had to speak.

"I've just been chatting with Dolly here," I told him. I lost. Or won. I wasn't sure. I requested another drink pulling myself further on the road of alcohol poisoning. "How've you been?"

"Fine." He was smiling—no more than that—a shit-eating grin. He was mocking me. He was two seconds away from breaking into an uncontainable laugh. "I've been fine. The usual."

I hummed like some wise old man. "Yes, the usual. And what would the usual be?"

He shrugged and swirled his drink, looking down at the spiral forming around his ice. I wasn't sure what game we were playing. I felt like breaking the ice but it slowly began to feel like we were freezing ice between us. Everything was awkward and cold and Dolly was just staring at the whole thing.

She threw her pickaxe into the mix. "Jane and I were just talking about how it feels like there are suddenly so many weddings this year. I've got two more I've got to go to in the summer."

Alex pulled himself away from his hypnotizing drink, adjusted his suit jacket, and swung back into action. "It does feel that way, doesn't it? I suppose that's what your late twenties is." His eyes bore themselves into me and he sipped on his drink.

"For some of us," Dolly said. "The rest of us are left to deal with the scraps."

"Aw," Alex rejected, "you ladies aren't scraps."

Dolly replied, "I never called us scraps. It's you men that are the scraps."

I giggled and Alex tossed between a frown and a chuckle like he couldn't decide how he was supposed to react. "The ones that haven't been potty trained yet," I joked.

"We aren't all so bad, you know," Alex said. "Some of us at least know how to aim."

It broke me out into an embarrassing laugh. One that had me trying my back to him and leaning on the bar because I couldn't bear for him to see me clutch my stomach and snort my drink out. Dolly and Alex laughed more at me than the joke and I turned back in shame as the two of them stared at me. "Sorry," I muttered through my amusement.

Dolly shook her head at me. "All these weddings have made me acutely aware of how single I am. I've become one of those people who bitches and moans about that to people I barely know."

I relaxed against the bar and sipped away. "Welcome to the club."

"The only benefit of being single at a wedding is a chance of catching the bouquet," she stated.

Alex stood amused by Dolly, chuckling at her and sliding his hands into his pockets. "If it makes you feel better I don't even get a chance to catch the bouquet." His eyes drifted to me a moment later like he was waiting for a reaction. My eyes moved to Dolly. I realized this was his way of informing me he was single. I didn't know how to take that.

"You two are very Debbie Downer," I said. "You're 28, not the 40-year-old virgin."

Dolly straightened up. "You're right. I'm spiraling too much. I should be focused on the open bar and having fun."

I lifted my drink. "That's the spirit."

"My friend's just gotten married. I'm chatting with old and new friends. I could stumble on the love of my life tonight instead of bitching and moaning. Or at least a plus one to the next wedding."

"Husbands are overrated anyway," I stated.

Alex chuckled, grabbing my attention again. I almost forgot he was standing there. "Is that the subject of your next book?"

I pointed a finger at him. "You know, that's not a bad idea. At least for an article."

Dolly placed her glass down on the bar. "I'm gonna hit the dance floor. Care to join me?" I wasn't sure which one of us her question was directed at.

Alex eyed me and I eyed Alex. I looked back at Dolly and told her, "I'll catch up with you after I finish my drink."

She looked at me with a hint of something that I refused to acknowledge. "Don't spend the whole night by the bar," she warned.

"I won't," I promised as she walked away.

I leaned back at the bar and focused on my drink and not the man in front of me. It was easier to digest my decision that way because of course I only stayed at the bar for my drink and not anything else at all. Totally. 

"She's nice," Alex said. He was still nursing the remaining liquor in his drink, even though the ice was beginning to melt.

"Shall I set the two of you up? We could be at your wedding this time next year," I quipped.

Alex feigned some laughter. "I don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing."

I narrowed my eyes. "Wives overrated?"

"I haven't found out yet." We stared at one another with the knowledge that whatever move followed would determine the rest of the night. I didn't finish my drink right away and he never took another sip of his. "How are you?"

"You already asked that."

He playfully rolled his eyes. "Right, you're fine."

It made me laugh and I dropped my shoulders, no longer feeling a need to be tensed up. "I've been busy but I like what I'm busy with."

"That's good."

"You?"

"The usual."

I rolled my eyes this time. "You're so funny, Al."

"What else would you like me to say?" The question posed so much with so little. We could run down a thousand different avenues with that one question. I could beg, I could insult, I could walk away.

I disguised my blushing as red-hot amusement. "That you've become a grand master in chess or learned how to get a ship into a bottle."

He gestured his glass at me. "You know, it's not as hard as you think."

"Come on, you have to give me something to work with. How else will I relentlessly make fun of you?"

"Like you don't already?"

I tossed my head back, pretending I was exhausted by him. I never could be it seemed. "I need new material."

He rattled the ice in his glass and moved closer to me, leaning his side against the bar. "I've been trying to learn magic tricks."

"Are you going to pull a coin out from behind my ear?" I hid my smile in my drink.

"I never said I was good at it." He placed his glass down at the bar like he was establishing his place there. "Have you learned any new tricks?"

I couldn't deny it then. He had confirmed it right there. He was flirting with me. I didn't know what to do with it or how to act on it so I just sipped my drink and didn't dare look at him. "I've taken to doing the New York Times crossword every morning."

He laughed at me. "How long does it take you before you look up the answers?"

I refused to allow him to see me blush. If I could dive into my drink, I would have. "Probably ten minutes." He laughed with me. "But they're just hints. I'm allowed hints. The Sunday one is really hard."

"I believe you. I know how smart you are."

His closeness was beginning to make me uncomfortable. I turned my body and leaned my back against the bar like I had so many times before. "There was a crossword clue mentioning Sheffield a few weeks ago."

"Really?” He perked up. Something about it felt so childlike or maybe like a dog who hears the rustling noise of a bag of treats. “What was it?"

"It was easy. Something like ‘stroller in Sheffield, 4 letters.’"

"Would it be a pram?" He looked at me expectingly like he was awaiting cheers to erupt.

"Ding ding ding," I sounded. "You're not as dim as I thought."

"Oh, thanks, Jane." He tried to act offended but his voice edged with mirth and a smile tugged on his lips.

He opened his mouth to speak but I beat him to it. "I think I'm going to go dance."

I placed my empty glass down on the bar and watched as he let delight spread across his face. "I should've known Backstreet Boys would get you on the floor."

I crossed my arms. "Well, it is ‘I Want it That Way’ after all. Just be happy I'm not screaming it in your ear." I turned away before he could say anything else. I joined Dolly in horrible dancing and singing as the margaritas blasted through me.

I lost Alex in the crowd. I think he might have been with Matt because I found Breana on the floor. I grabbed both her hands and spun around with her. At some point we had formed a mini circle of girls, kicking off our heels, and jumping around. 

Perhaps it was too early to be shaking the floor based on some side eye we were given. Out of breath, Breana and I decided to step back into our shoes and sit down. She leaned toward me. “So, what have you been up to?” Her eyes were wide and coming onto me alluringly.

I held my stomach and worked on quickly reinflating my lungs. “Are you hitting on me?”

She pushed away from me with a laugh. “No, I’m just curious what you’ve been up to this evening. You’ve got your eye on anyone?”

I stared at her. “No.”

“Come on, the only benefit of going stag to a wedding is taking someone home with you.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “When did everyone become so sex obsessed?”

“I don’t know. Maybe in the last year or so. When did you become so prudish, Jane?” She teased.

I countered, “I don’t know. Maybe in the last year or so.”

I debated the idea of it but thinking of trying to hook up with a stranger at a wedding kind of disgusted me. Maybe because Alex was there. I think I also didn’t want to be the one trying to seduce someone. I wouldn’t deny a Four Weddings & a Funeral situation, especially if I got to be Andie MacDowell.

Breana stood up and asked, “Should we get a drink?” 

I slumped in my chair. “Maybe. I feel like I might be too drunk already.”

She laughed. “There’s no such thing at a wedding.” She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Come on. I’ve barely had any. Take me to the bar.”

I guided her through the crowd to the deck of the bar. Along the way, I decided she was right and that free alcohol is free alcohol. We both indulged in cocktails with pieces of fruit and straws. “This is so sweet,” she said. “I feel like I’m gonna vomit.”

I gagged. “Don’t talk about vomit.”

Breana waved her hand to someone behind me, gesturing for them to come toward her. I looked behind me to find Matt and Alex. I kept my eyes trained on Matt and smiled and waved.

“Jane Cavendish!” Matt drunkenly cheered. “I heard you were crawling around.” He slung me into a hug. I returned it despite how sweaty he felt and how hard I was trying to not laugh at him.

“Matthew J. Helders III,” I returned his proper greeting.

Breana tucked her arm under Matt to keep him upright. “Maybe we should sit down,” she suggested. When Matt insisted otherwise, she decided for him, taking him over to their table, and leaving me with Alex.

He took a step forward towards me. “And I thought I was going to be the one to get hammered,” he said.

“Night’s young and the bar is still mighty full.”

He eyed my drink. “What’ve you got there?”

I stirred my straw, clunking the ice against the glass. “I believe it is called a woo woo.”

“A woo woo?”

“Yeah, it’s vodka, cranberry, and…” I took a sip. “Peach Schnapps. I’ve never had it before but I quite like it.” I eyed the hand around his glass. “And what do you have? Your bourbon,” I mocked, continuing to sip away at my woo woo.

“I go for reliability over experimentation.” He sipped his with a piercing stare at me.

I couldn’t tell if he was making a pointed comment at me or trying to make some eloquent quip. Either way, I didn’t care. I liked my woo woo too much to care. “You’ll never know the joys of a woo woo then.”

“Gimme a sip then.” He curled his fingers, beckoning me to move the drink toward him. 

I handed it over. “Sip out of the glass, not the straw.”

He chuckled. “I’ve kissed you but can’t share a straw with you.”

I was determined for my face to stay neutral. “You’ll get the bourbon taste all over it.”

“Oh,” he sarcastically said. 

He began to chug out of the glass until I pulled it out of his hand. “Get your own if you love it so much.”

“It tastes like candy floss.”

“No, it does not.” I sipped just to check. “It definitely doesn’t. I don’t think you’ve ever even had candy floss.”

“I’ve had it. Might have been 20 years ago now but I’ve had it,” he insisted.

I looked out at the crowd dancing. I had no clue what time it was or how long we had been there but it felt like no time had passed and hours had passed at the same time. I wasn’t sure what had a greater effect of time distortion Alex or alcohol.

“Have you danced at all?” I asked him.

He leaned an arm against the bar, slowly inching closer and closer to me. “Is that an invitation?”

“No,” I claimed, “I’m waiting for them to bring out more food. Can we get a second serving of cake?”

Alex chuckled, standing up straighter, no longer coming off as leering. “You haven’t had enough sugar from your woo woo?”

“Well, if I don’t have any food to soak up the alcohol than I won’t remember the rest of the night,” I told him.

“I think they’re bringing out pretzels soon.”

“Hard or soft?”

He smirked. Him and his dirty mind. “Soft, I think.”

“God, I could eat like five of those right now.” I felt like my stomach would rumble so hard it would shake the building causing a microearthquake. “What time are they doing that?”

He shrugged.

“You’re no help. You’re supposed to have the insider information,” I complained.

“I didn’t plan the wedding.”

“Go find out for me,” I commanded. I was desperately hungry and desperate for him to get away from me. It was his gaze that made me blush from a shared nervousness and awkwardness. I didn’t know how to act around him anymore, not with the way he was acting.

The wave of my hand shooed him away and he disappeared into the crowd again. I got a Moscow mule and went back to my seat. Before Alex returned, the soft pretzels were taken out and I was first in line. I got back in line before I even finished my first one.

When I spotted Alex across the room, I raised my pretzel toward him. He raised his woo woo back at me.

AB, Shay, Dolly, and I chatted over our pretzels and drinks at our table. Shay looked sleepy, leaning her head against AB’s shoulder, and I knew they’d be heading out within the next half hour. Dolly kept throwing her head back in laughter, even when the conversation didn’t prompt it.

I wiped my hands clean of salt and, encouraged by the group, chugged the rest of my drink. With the empty glass, I stood, curtsied, and headed to the bathroom. I was buzzed, maybe even drunk by that point, but still felt in control despite my heeled shoes growing bothersome. I was ready for another drink. Well, after I peed.

When I left the bathroom, he was standing there, acting casual with a drink in his hand and tapping his foot to the music, but I’m not sure why he would be standing outside the women’s bathroom unless there’s something I don’t know about.

I walked up to his profiled body. I placed my hands on my hips as the upturn slowly occurred on my lips. “Are you stalking me now, Al?”

“How was your pretzel?” He wasn’t being concealed. He couldn’t control his smirk and it felt like every second passed in a thumping heartbeat.

“Same as yours I’m sure.”

“I didn’t get one.”

“Well, maybe you should. They were good.”

“I was gonna pop out for a smoke. If you wanna.”

“Wanna what?”

“For old time’s sake.” 

The nostalgia played a role but the look on his face tugged at me and as much as I wanted to deny it, I wanted to go out and smoke with him too. For old time’s sake. I was also itching for a cigarette and bumming one off Al was as good as anything else.

Night had covered the outside world. The once warm day had turned into a breezy night. We walked to a park bench outside the venue. The wood grates pressed through the fabric of my dress and I took the opportunity to curl my legs behind me and rest my feet.

Alex handed a cigarette to me before pulling one out for himself. I startled him by reaching into his coat pocket, perfectly aware of where his lighter was. I lit my cig before tossing it to him. I leaned back against the iron bar and watched as the smoke left his lips.

“Talk,” I urged him.

“I’m in charge?” He questioned.

“You brought me out here.”

He chuckled. “Nicotine brought you out here.” 

I looked out onto the scene in front of us. It wasn’t particularly interesting. There was a car park and a field and the venue. There were some other people. A few were smoking, some leaving, and a few getting fresh air or trying not to act too drunk. “I’ve got a lot of addictions.”

“Woe is me much?”

I snorted. When I faced him, his eyes were already trained on me with a smile. “Have you forgotten who you’re talking to?”

“Dark and mysterious might’ve worked on me in college, Jane, but I know you better now.”

“You knew me pretty well back then,” I reasoned. “As I recall it.”

He hummed like if we looked into each other’s eyes long enough a wormhole would form and we’d be taken back in time to 2003. “You’ve always been easy to read. You did put up a good wall back then though.”

“Nothing compared to yours.”

He broke eye contact with me for the first time. He turned completely away, staring at whatever lay before him on the other side. “I have the reputation for it, I’m sure.” He looked back at me like he couldn’t resist it for too long. It burned me. He could have put his cigarette out on me for all I know. It burned a hole through the center of me. Too much. Too hurtful.

“Well, I was still able to read you pretty well.”

“More than I would’ve liked,” he said. “There I go sounding all despondent. How’s your next book going?”

I shrugged. “Somewhere. It’s been a little complicated lately. New ventures. And a new agent.”

“Ah, the post-Jackson era?”

“Yeah, kind of fucked that one up. Business wise.” There was no reason to get into all the personal propensities here or ever because I can barely recall that mess and have had limited desire to, clearly. “Lisa’s my new agent. She’s lovely and nice but it’s different. Jackson was my friend too. I guess I have a habit of not knowing how to keep friends.”

“It’s a natural part of growing up,” he tried to assure me.

“You are aware of whose wedding we’re at?” I longed to have friendships like Alex’s. I felt like I couldn’t hold onto those things. I think it’s easier for guys or maybe that’s just a grass being greener mentality. 

He couldn’t argue, instead breaking into laughter. “Yeah, you are a bit shit at keeping friends.”

“Hey!” I whacked him.

He held his hands up. “I’m kidding. You’re my friend after all.”

“The aforementioned: a bit shit. Case and point.”

He laid it out. “You make things too awkward.” 

“I think the situation is awkward.” Is there a proper way to interact with her ex? If so, I haven’t quite found it yet. There’s a fine line, especially with Alex. I felt we were always tiptoeing around our situation. That was the problem with never addressing anything. With no formal break-up, we never discussed and unravelled how things went down. We stayed tangled and flipped back and forth between the closest of friends to distant figures in one another’s lives. Here we tried to find the middle ground.

He pondered what I said for a minute. He sat with it and took a few drags before saying, “Who am I to talk? I’ve made my own messes.”

I almost didn’t ask but it was getting late, memories crept up on me, I felt warm, and he felt close. “With Arielle?”

Alex turned away, clearly not wanting to dive into it. I could see the environment pulling away at him too. He leaned against the bench’s backing and laid his arm on it. “Yeah, not that it would have worked out anyway.”

I felt myself leaning closer like he had lassoed me and was pulling me in. “What do you mean?”

He let out a half-suppressed laugh like he couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. He put out his cigarette but didn’t move an inch from his seat next to me. “Did you think you were going to end up with Jackson?”

To prevent the situation from travelling too deep, I leaned my temple against my fist, and joked, “I don’t know. Cavendishes are historically unhappy in their marriages.” I followed his suit and put out my cigarette, but stayed glued to my seat next to him.

He didn’t look at me when he said, “If you’re going to be unhappy at least aim wealthier than Jackson.”

I wanted to ask if he meant him.

I wondered what my next move should be. There was no longer anything between our fingers excusing us to sit outside. I felt my continued participation in the conversation would reveal something. I was probably reading into it too much, but it was sending him a signal I didn’t know if I wanted to give off.

“Should we go back inside?” I asked.

“Why?” His questioning sent a shiver down my spine. “You getting cold or something?”

“Thirsty,” I claimed. I feared he’d attempt to take his suit jacket off and throw it over my shoulders.

“You dipsomaniac.” He stood up beside me and we walked back in together toward the bar. I got a Tom Collins because I liked the way the bartender decorated the glass with the lemon slice and a drink would distract me anytime I needed to think of something to say.

Alex got something boring. I don’t remember. “What number is that for you?”

I stirred and thought. “I don’t know. I guess that says it all.” I stared out at the crowd of people on the dancefloor shimming to “Billie Jean” in a wild manner. It comforted me that the age of the crowd had levelled out and the sobriety of the crowd had diminished. “Have you danced at all this evening?”

“I’m not that drunk yet.” He took a mighty gulp. “You offering?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want my toes broken.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m a good dancer.”

“Not when you’re drunk.” Alex would shake, thrash, and toss when drunk dancing. He loses all control of his limbs and his coordination is deadly for someone who already suffers in the department. “What song would get you on the floor?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Chicken Dance.”

“This isn’t a school dance. Serious answer.”

“Why? You gonna go give the DJ a request?”

“I’m just curious. No need to accuse.”

“Some Spice Girls.” He smirked.

I glared at him. “Don’t mock me now.”

“Let’s get it on,” he offered.

“Huh?” Uncertainty lied in my reaction.

He raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Marvin Gaye,” he clarified. 

“You’re not funny.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

The booming of “Single Ladies” blasted through the room interrupting any proper answer. I held my glass out to him. “Keep it safe for me?” I asked.

He nodded, wrapping his fingers around the cold glass. “Good luck,” he taunted.

I stuck my tongue out and headed to the girl-filled dancefloor. We bumped shoulders with one another and Katie pretended to throw it several times before finally releasing it. The bouquet twisted and turned and flew through the air before it landed directly into Dolly’s hands. She squealed and clapped her hands together, having won the ultimate prize. 

When I returned to Alex and teased me with a pout on his lips. “I’m sorry you lost.”

I took my drink back and took a quick sip. “Eh. It’s probably better if I'm not the next to get married. Logically it’s actually Breana right?”

“Does it count if you’re already engaged?”

“I have no clue.” I sipped away and he stared at me. I felt like I was about to melt under his gaze. I almost asked him why he was but I knew why. Alcohol, wedding, single, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. So. “Say it.”

“What?” He questioned.

I dropped my drink onto the bar with a blatant stare in my eye. 

He shrugged like he wasn’t being obvious.

“Okay,” I sighed. I picked my drink up and finished it off. 

I was prepared to walk away when the beginning notes of “Spice Up Your Life” began to play. Alex was taken way by laughter. Through his chuckles, he asked, “Did you request it?”

“No,” I said, “you saw me the whole time.”

He grabbed my hand tightly. “It’s fate.” With that he walked toward the dancefloor, dragging me behind him. I was laughing too. I couldn’t help it. I was happy. And drunk but that made me happy too. 

His hand was warm and he felt firm. He dropped it when we reached the floor but we moved and jumped like we were toddlers still learning how to stand properly. He made faces and moved in a way that made unstoppable laughter wrack through me. I felt buzzed from the inside out, every limb, bone, vein affected by him.

It was too much. Drunk I could handle it but even the power of him made me feel nauseated as if it was eating me alive. I was risking too much. The fun of it was slowly overtaking me, wrecking the moves I had made to change things.

After a few more songs, the music cut. We watched as Jamie and Katie left and with it, the reception was pretty much over. I turned to Alex, who was already looking at me. Always looking first. “I’m glad I got to see you,” I earnestly told him.

“You leaving me now?” I kept feeling like he was pulling my leg. He was constantly smirking at me like he was playing some trick on me. Like there was some inevitable shoe about to drop.

“Everyone is leaving now.” The room felt like it had emptied quickly, a stark contrast to the packed reception. 

“Do you wanna…?” He scratched the back of his neck.

I laughed at him. I’m not sure why. I think because he reminded me of his younger self. Even with the gelled hair and pushed-back shoulders, he still kept his awkward mannerisms and inability to get to the end of sentences. “Do I wanna what? Know?”

“Shut up.” His eyes fluttered slowly. “Talk to me more. I’ve got a mini bar.”

“You’re inviting me to your hotel room?” I raised my eyebrows at the implication. 

“Yeah. Don’t be so dirty, Janie.” He hadn’t called me that in a while. “I just want to catch up more. I miss talking to ya.” 

I stared at him blankly. “Right. Okay. I’ll get my purse and coat. I assume this is all on your tab.”

“Overpriced little bottles are on me. I’ll meet you out front.”

*

We sat on the carpet hotel room floor which I’m sure was probably covered in all kinds of germs and diseases but that night it was covered with little empty bottles and Alex and I leaning against the bed and dresser respectively.

I sat barefoot and he rubbed my feet. I don’t think I asked him to, it was just out of instinct. I couldn’t protest because they ached so much. He had taken off his suit jacket and loosened his tie enough that he might as well have just taken it off. There was no need to keep up appearances in front of one another.

I downed the little vodka bottle. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anything from the mini bar. My mother usually came prepared.”

“We did that one time,” he reminded me. “In Bristol. You got so hammered I doubt you remember.”

I giggled. “I remember the hangover. And I’m sure I’ll remember the one I’ll have tomorrow.”

“Drink some water.”

I shook my head. “Nah. I haven’t reached that level of intelligence yet. Plus, I don’t think I can get off the floor.”

He slumped against the bed like a ragdoll. “Yeah, I don’t think I can either.”

“We should just stay here forever.” It was a joke. Intended to be one, at least.

Alex smiled. “Yeah. Okay.” He moved his head around to stay awake and rubbed his eyes. “Make me laugh.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. You always find a way.”

I thought but humour abandoned me at that moment. It felt like all the funny had been kicked out of me. I decided to spill my guts. “On the plane ride here I decided to watch Eyes Wide Shut because I had never seen it before. I wasn’t aware of the massive orgy and the flight attendant had to come over and tell me that I couldn’t watch porn on the flight. So that was fun.”

Alex had fallen over into a fit of laughter. It eased me up and my embarrassment felt a little lighter when I knew it brought joy to him. “I’m going to tell some gossip mag that Jane Cavendish watches porn on planes.”

I kicked him with my foot. “Shut up.”

He collected himself and sat up straight. His look held so much in it. He looked like remembering and I wanted to experience every moment we had ever had together all at once. I looked away instead. But he didn’t and I could feel it. And then he said it. “I missed you.”

And like that, I was pulled back to him. My eyes looked into his and we were transmitting a longing we couldn’t dream of acting on. I smiled. “Me too. I’m used to it.”

He dropped his head. “Fuck.” His eyes plucked up. “Don’t say things like that to me.”

I crossed my brows. “Why?”

“‘Cause it’ll be what pounds through my head every night. Every day. How fucked up everything got. I’m wishing—I don’t know.” He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to erase himself.

I tucked my knees up to my chest. “I think it always was, Al. No need to beat yourself up over it.”

He stared at me as if to say, “Do you know who you’re talking to?”

I giggled. “We should move,” I suggested.

“No,” he whined.

With every fibre in me, I fought to stand up, eventually beating the effects of hotel-provided liquor. “Come on, mister.” I reached my hand down to him. He intertwined himself with me. Instead of me pulling, he yanked me down. Before I could shout a note of surprise, he silenced me. He kissed me.

It didn’t stop. He fought hard and I didn’t reject it. I was a phony and I could spout words of it being over for as long as I wanted but I don’t know if anyone ever believed it. How could they when it felt so good to kiss him? It was delicate and sloppy but I was sloppy too so I didn’t care one bit. It wasn’t about precision it was about emotion and I felt everything burning from the inside. It probably wasn’t smart but my other organs took over to act as my brain after it had been stifled from alcohol and his sweet words. I’d figure it out later. I’d keep him to myself for now.

We fell back on the carpet, my back hitting the floor and him towering over me. He tried to pull away to say something, to smile, or to breathe, but I wouldn’t allow it. I think if I looked him in the eye and he uttered a word it would have been too much so I didn’t allow it. 

We became those people that soiled the hotel room carpet. In our refusal to get up off the floor, Alex pushed my dress up and his pants down and it was quick so we didn’t have to think about it. I felt sweaty and he tucked his head in the corner of my neck and kissed it, breathing me in. I pushed everything away and laid there with him because that felt good and I felt loved, even if those things were to have faded away, I was left with memories of when it was there and this was just a reminder.

When it was over and his out-of-breath body pinned on top of my out-of-breath body, I lifted my hand and tried to run my fingers through his hair. I pulled a face he couldn’t see. “Ew,” I remarked. “I’m not used to your hair being so greasy.”

I felt the rhythms of his laugh against me. He was quiet but his hands pried into the space between my back and the carpet and he hugged me to him. The tightness and pressure of it weighed on me and I could’ve been eaten alive by it if I didn’t think it brought him so much comfort. He nudged his nose against me and for a moment I forget we were on the floor of some random hotel. It felt old and familiar. Things didn’t feel so foreign.

“Bed,” I voiced. “I think I have rug burns.”

He lifted his head for the first time since. I saw the blur of his eyes and the thrash of his smile. “Sorry ‘bout that.” 

I smiled back but couldn’t think of anything teasing to say. He pulled me to my feet this time and we found solace in the cloudy bed. Unspoken words sat in the gap between us and I could feel his eyes burn on me as mine began to flutter. “Al.”

He reached over and brushed my hair out of my face. He nuzzled closer to me with a comfortable distance one that caused an ember to shoot through me but not a wildfire. “We’ll talk in the morning.” And that was enough. It always would be.

*

I got up before him. I thought about waking him but that would mean facing things. With my pounding, but sober head, I panicked. I sat somewhere between losing it and jumping up and down. I stole his clothes, went to get a coffee, and sat in the hotel lobby. If he woke up, I wondered if he would have thought I left. I didn’t write a note or anything. Would it have brought him relief or disappointment?

My headache cleared somewhere in my people-watching time and with that, I was allowed to calculate my next move. Quickly I knew I didn’t want to leave. I would be an asshole move and I was trying to be less of an asshole. The communication part was hard. It almost made things feel more normal. Alex and I always struggled to get to the point. Last night it was the same way. We didn’t make sense of things. We only jumbled the Rubik’s cube up more.

When my coffee cup reached half-full, I went back upstairs. He was still asleep and I was left with nothing to do. Boredom was worse than inconveniencing him so I landed on the bed and began to shake until he woke. Asshole move?

“Alright, alright.” He placed his hand on my leg to stop my movement. He kept it there with no other words spoken.

“Hi,” I said.

He smiled. “Hi. Morning. Is that coffee for me?”

My eyes drifted off. “Well…”

He dropped his head on the pillow. It spread out across it in a new way. I was discovering new movements and how he looked different, not just with hair, but he gained new mannerisms and practices. He was teaching me new ways to act. I think part of me always wanted to be him. Being with him was the next closest thing.

His hands covered his face. “My head is killing me.”

“You can have the rest of it if you want.”

He threw the covers off and stood up. I forget he was naked underneath all that. I stared at his ass. I almost reached out to squeeze it but he turned too quickly. “No, I don’t want your slug.”

I giggled. It felt like an old routine. We were still the people we used to be. We had done this a hundred times before. I could do it a hundred times more. For a moment, it felt perfect. I think we only have a few of those, scattered across years and times; a clear view of when everything lines up and makes sense. Perhaps, the circumstances weren’t ideal, but I wasn’t thinking about that anymore. It was a distraction from everything else. I missed laughing with him.

“I can get you some milk,” I offered as he slipped into the bathroom.

*

Over a coffee, one bowl of Cheerios, and one bowl of Corn Flakes, Alex and I talked. Only a few people sat in the hotel’s dining area with us, scattered feet away from us. We slurped our cereal and Alex milked his coffee. It all felt disposable.

“I don’t remember the last time I sat and had breakfast,” I commented while spooning my Cheerios.

“Always rushing off somewhere?”

“I guess. Sitting at a table and eating by yourself feels weird to me. I usually get up too late for breakfast anyway.”

“You were up early this morning.” He sipped his coffee, still pepping himself up.

“Time difference. I’m all turned around.”

He nodded, perfectly aware of the struggle of time zones. “I’ve finally learned how to keep track of days on tour. Day of the week, month, number, everything.”

I smiled at his excitement. He could be so overjoyed about such small things. He paid attention to the small things. He was exceedingly good at spot the difference games because his eye was somehow able to take in all the fine details. 

“When are you going back on tour?” I asked. The answer to our predicament lay in his answer.

“A week or so.”

I laughed in hopes of lightening the load. “Some honeymoon Cookie and Katie will have.”

“We are headed to New Zealand. It’s a beautiful place to go. You know that. Good hiking.”

“You sound like a travel agent.”

He leaned back and gazed at me. “Maybe I am one.”

I broke eye contact with the pain of letting him down. “Nice try.”

Alex nodded. He already knew my answer but held out for a change if maybe this had been one of the things I grew out of. “I’ll take pictures for you.”

“Email them to me,” I requested. “I miss your emails.”

He looked at me and didn’t say anything. He was pulling things apart in his mind. I could see his brain untying knots and straightening the wrinkles. He deciphered, walked down every path, and climbed every tree before he could have the best view of things. “When are we going to talk about…?” He gestured to him and I. Us.

Old habits were there for me to slip back into. It was easy to push away but he offered himself up to me. Him taking the first step alleviated me and the burden didn’t feel so painful to speak honestly. “Whenever you want.”

The ball was in his court and he bounced it a few times, double-checked its firmness, tested his racquet, and hit the ball back to me. “You’re going back to New York. Nothing’s changing that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded along, working through things. His face stayed neutral and didn’t show any explicit reaction. He looked around the room as if the answers were playing hide & seek with him. “We’re touring all summer.”

“I know.”

Those words tapped into him. A smile crept out from the knowledge that I kept up with him, even if it was just the grand scale of his world tour. I didn’t lock him away from my mind. “Well, if you ever want to visit anywhere. I hear Germany’s nice in June.”

I raised an eyebrow. “With all the tourists?”

“You’ll fit right in with them. You can help me out with my German”

I chuckled. “I think your German might be better than mine.”

“Then I can show off.”

I toss my head. “Well, maybe if New York gets too hot. And someone pays for my flight.”

“You’re really milking me here.”

“I’m prostituting myself for you.”

He chuckled before all the humour sunk from his voice. “If you fall in love with some guy before then I’ll be happy for you, Jane. Or if you don’t want to do this—whatever this is—again, I’ll get it.”

It touched me, even though I knew it shouldn’t. I worried this was a pattern I’d repeat my whole life. “If you get a girlfriend I’ll kill you.”

Luckily, he smiled. “I’ll have to fight them off.” Eye roll. “Do whatever you want, Janie.”

I couldn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed that my cheeks were turning red. “I’ll be your Nell Gwynn.”

“Who?”

“Charles II’s mistress.”

He shook his head in laughter. “Only you would know that. Gimme more respect than that. I’m not some imperialistic floozy boinking everyone I see.”

“Boinking?”

*

Alex and I hugged each other goodbye and the next day I was back in New York. I had to attend this Writers in New York event for Gotham Writers where I got to wear a fancy blouse and suit jacket that made me look sexy professor librarian chic and not Hillary Rodham Clinton pantsuit disaster. I met up with a group of my writer friends because I had that now. There were all cool women because male writers are weird and either old or misogynistic or arrogant or all of the above.

I hung out with Maddie a lot. She was a year younger than me and worked as a part-time professor for The New School and spent the rest of the time writing part-time for Vogue Magazine. She was always complaining about how busy she was but she was always at these events. I had the opposite problem of having too much free time, although that was becoming less and less true.

We were smoking cigarettes outside with glasses of scotch and talked about how we wished we had cigars so we could be like those old literary professors we loathed. “All I need is a beer belly and a Viagra addiction and I’ll be lecturing at Columbia in no time,” I quipped. I took a drag like taking a deep breath.

“That’s until you get caught touching a student’s ass,” she joked back.

I waved her off. “I’ll get a cushy suspension package and be back in no time.” I sipped my scotch and was reminded of Alex’s hands around a glass. Maddie only vaguely knew about him and that’s why I felt the freedom to tell her. Opal could be judgy. (I did eventually tell her and she wasn’t surprised. She asked if it was worth it. I said yes. She said good. And that was that. Although, she did start to make plenty of annoying jokes about it but it was worth that too). 

“Are you going to get back together?” Maddie asked with riveting curiosity as if she was reading through Page Six. 

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I weirdly don’t care. The ambiguity of it left a lot of imagining in the air. I don’t know when I’ll even see him again.”

“Do you want to?”

I nodded. “I still love him.”

“Then how can you not get back together with him?” The answer was always simple for me: love had nothing to do with our relationship. I would love Alex forever it would ebb and flow and change but I know we both would have a love for one another that only the two of us could fully understand. It was under lock and key in our minds and it was a shared experience only we would know about. It’s impossible not to love someone who shared that with you. It would not be ripped away from me.

When I got back home that night, Alex sent me an email with pictures of New Zealand. At the end of his length message, he wrote, Let me know if you change your mind. Australia is not too bad either. Or London. We could even grab a pint with Robert if you want though I would object to the threesome. I don’t need anything else making me insecure. Keep me updated and don’t drink too many woo woos. Love, Al.

The possibility of a vacation was wishful thinking. My second book was headed toward release and the summer seemed to fill my schedule up beyond a long flight to Australia that would likely cause me major sleep issues. London was a nice thought but having just been there it wasn���t likely. Moreover, I didn’t want to chase him this time. That’s what stopped me from saying we would get back together.

*

New York was too hot during the summer but I stayed in it. Alex and I talked on the phone occasionally. Conversations were usually mundane in the way I always loved. We were filling each other’s silence. Whenever we would get to the end and try and say goodbye the other thought of a story to tell and we talked for another hour. It was a dance we did. One time he tried to talk about it—whatever we were. I told him, “We’ll talk about it when we see each other again. Did you know the Eiffel Tower grows up to 6 inches in the summer?”

Fennel and Kaka threw a massive dinner party for their anniversary at Lotte New York Palace. I had never been somewhere so stunning in my life and with every move I was worried I’d break something and have to pay for it.

After dinner, I went out to the courtyard for a smoke. When I pulled the pack out of my clutch purse, I saw I had a missed call from Alex. He was in Iowa, back on the road. He answered after two rings. “Hello,” he said all formal and pristine.

“Heyo!” I cheered back. “What’s up?”

His voice was light and he sounded happy. “Nothing really. Wanted to see what you were up to.”

“I’m at Fennel and Kaka’s anniversary party. I told you about it.” We were back to that. We communicated about our days and lives and he no longer felt so far out of reach and with that I didn’t feel so far out of reach to my own self.

“Ah. Right.”

“I’m standing in this fancy hotel’s courtyard in a dress that is way too expensive to be stinking it up with my smoke right now. Fennel gave it to me as a gift for his anniversary ‘cause he’s a whackjob. It’s a 1997 Dolce & Gabbana sheer black lace gown thing and I know that doesn’t mean much to you but that’s expensive.” It was the perfect dress. I had never felt more tailored to a T. It’ll be a dress I give to my children because it deserves to stay in the family. Maybe I’ll be buried in it.

My hand moved down the lace just admiring it on my own body. He cleared his throat. “It means something to me.” I could hear the hunger in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. “Right. I forgot you’re André Leon Talley.”

He hummed. He had no clue who that was. “You should send me a picture so I know what it looks like.” He always struggled with subtlety in the seduction department. He didn’t even have a face that fell a certain way to hide behind. 

“Alex, you’re not clever.”

“What?” He tried to act like he had no clue of his words or his tone that overflowed with lust. His voice naturally came off erotic after the effects of cigarettes, singing, and if you’re a person like me with a predisposition to a Northern English accent. “I want to see the Dolce & Gabbana. If you love it so much.”

“I never said I loved it.”

“Janie.” 

I gave in because he was cute and horny. “I’ll send you the photo I took before I left. You gonna jack off to it?” I quipped. This was my version of flirting. 

He snorted. “You’re so romantic, Janie.” (He didn’t deny it). “I’ll save you the trouble if you just want to have phone sex here.”

“You’re not funny,” I said back. “In fact, you’re a creep.”

“You’re horny.”

“Oh, my god. Ew, you’re disgusting.”

“No, you totally are. You only get freaked out by this stuff when you are. You turn into a massive prude when you’re turned on. Are you wet?”

“I’m gonna hang up,” I threatened. 

He was laughing at me. “You’re totally gonna go into the bathroom and jerk off right now.”

“Bye, Alex. Have a nice time with your penis.”

I sent him the photo and refused to give into the idea he had of me and whatever his sick perverted fantasy he projected on to me. (I did it when I got home).

*

Alex visited me the last week of September. Fall had allegedly begun but summer weather remained to haunt. He decided to spend part of his tour break in New York claiming it would be cooler than LA but it was in fact hotter. Besides, if he wanted cooler weather he should’ve just gone back to Britannia.

He came in around dinner time, taking the subway to my apartment. He buzzed up and I met him at the top of the stairs because I didn’t want to help carry his belongings. After he dropped off his things and refreshed himself, we got dinner at Gage & Tollner, which was fancy but you could get away with wearing jeans. He made fun of me for getting oysters and we split a Baked Alaska for dessert because I had never had one before.

We went back to my apartment and watched Halloween H20: Halloween 20 Years Later, which made us feel stoned even though we never lit up. Alex was particularly fond of LL Cool J’s role. The movie has since become a staple around Halloween time.

I began flipping through channels after the movie had finished not wanting to watch whatever Superman movie followed it. It was nearing 11 PM and the options were limited to The 700 Club or some late night talk show.

I flicked away and Alex leaned over and kissed me. I was taken away by that programming. We slept together. I think that was inevitable. It was unavoidable no matter how much at dinner we joked and skirted around what had happened at the wedding. We waited until the night hours when the sun didn’t shine the truth on us.

In the morning, we fell into an old routine. I wore his boxers and one of my ratty white Hanes tank tops and he didn’t even bother to put on a shirt as we ate breakfast. We even did the crossword together. 

We dressed for the day—I, in a skirt and some spaghetti strapped top, him, in jeans and a dark tee, unrespectful for the balance of the seasons. I was already sweating by the time we stepped outside. He was fine somehow, something I’ll never understand.

I grabbed an iced coffee from the corner cafe and we took the subway up to Central Park, walking from the south of it to the northern edge. “I never come here,” I told him. “It’s too long of a ride.” I didn’t mention that it reminded me of him. It felt stupid for a landscape so large and iconic to forever be tainted by one person that you’d avoid said landmark. Well, it was also a 40-minute subway ride away and Brooklyn had parks of its own but Al still liked to go to Central Park.

“I loved going here,” he said. “I would come up here while you were at work and go somewhere new every time but always ended up watching someone play baseball.”

I laughed. “You’re gonna end up coaching one of these days.”

“Like Little League or something?” He questioned.

I didn’t answer questions about little children and Alex being the coach of some kid’s baseball team. Not just some kid but his kid. “Why’d you never tell me that?” I knew about his love for Central Park but these excursions were mysterious. It would be a simple shrug on how his day went and he would say he went to Central Park and then that was all. I never asked what he did there either. I was less interested in other people in those days.

He thought about it as we climbed up the makeshift stairs for a hill. He scratched his cheek with his mouth in an open circle. Chewed up whatever he was thinking in his mouth. He landed on, “I don’t know.” He chewed some more. “It felt more special that way. It was something just for me, you know? We did so much together that…I don’t know.”

The way he put it made secrets feel like a sweet thing. The omission of things is actually a treat and was something for me to be endeared by now. Suddenly, every other thing he kept from me, those nights were he sat far away from me and smoked outside with a closed notebook, they were all delights for him and not things I pondered about until I fell asleep.

“Did you feel a need to keep things from me?” I blamed myself. Even in that moment, I knew it was stupid to feel that way. 

“No.” He thought about it a little. He moved his face, twisted it up in a way that I knew he didn’t fully believe that. “Not intentionally.”

We were descending the hill when I asked, “What’s that mean?” I was lighthearted about it. I had the attitude that what was done was done and it had been done so long ago that it almost felt like another life. I had a dull edge to it.

“Young and a natural inclination to be taciturn. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. I just walked around but I think I didn’t have a lot of things that were my own here. You had a whole life here that I wasn’t apart of.”

I almost told him that wasn’t true but I could already picture the look he would give me and I would agree that it was probably true. I acclimated much quicker to New York with a job and friends. I don’t think Alex ever fully adjusted. “I always worried about what you were keeping from me and I’m realizing now that it was probably just a bunch of your typical dorky shit.”

“Oh, thanks, Jane,” he chuckled. “I didn’t mean to come off that way. Truthfully, I just didn’t have a lot going on in the first place.”

“You were bored here.” It never occurred to me that Alex could feel the same as me. Call it being in your twenties and raised with selfish role models. I’m still undoing the whole world revolving around me thing. I am writing a book about myself so…there’s that.

He tossed his head from side to side. “I wouldn’t say bored. Not by New York. I think I was bored of myself.”

“Are you still?” He was the most fascinating person to me I couldn’t imagine the idea of being bored or tired of him. He saved me from boredom endless times. Just the idea of him, daydreaming, fantasizing, lamenting over him. I did it all.

“Sometimes. Not as much as before. Kinda too busy to deal with that.”

I nodded and sipped the last of my iced coffee before tossing it. “A rare benefit of no free time. I’m no longer so concerned with myself because I don’t have time to be. Only in the mirror in the morning really.”

“When you give yourself pep talks?”

I jabbed him with my elbow. “I did that one time. Maybe if you gave me a pep talk before that job interview I wouldn’t have had to do it myself.” He was still laughing at the memory.

We stood on the top of Bow Bridge and watched as people sat on the lake in their rowboats. “You wanna do that?”

I scoffed. “No, rowing hurts my arms.”

He gave me a taunting grin. “Weak.”

We walked up to The Met. They had an exhibit called Early American Guitars that piqued Alex’s interest but they didn’t have that many so we ended up going to the In Miniature exhibit that piqued my interest because I like tiny things. We roamed the halls of it until we got too hungry we had to leave for lunch.

I wanted to go to Lexington Candy Shoppe but Alex insisted he was so hungry he couldn’t walk the three blocks to get there. So, we bought hot dogs and sat on the steps of The Met. “I can’t remember the last time I had a hot dog,” I said.

He was chewing and trying his best to not have his toppings fall on his clothes as he said, “Neither can I.”

“I thought I would hate it but I kind of like it which is totally disgusting because this hot dog has probably been sitting in his cart for like years because you know they buy these in bulk for sure and then they are sitting out there all day until we order them and then they are thrown in this dirty water that they never clean but it’s still good. In fact, it’s probably the best hot dog I’ve ever had and it’s disgusting. I’ll be burping hot dog all day but it’s worth it, I think. I was starved and this feels like my death row meal.”

He listened, nodded, and said, “What would you be on death row for?” Because that’s the kind of person Alex is. He listened to that whole rant about hot dogs and appreciated it. I think he might have some sanity issues because I don’t really know how a person can put up with my level of talking and enjoy it. He claims to.

“Stealing hot dogs or something. I don’t know. Or a hot dog cart license. Do you know how much money they make? I read an article that hot dog stands make over $100,000 per year but a license, especially in a place outside The Met or Central Park is so expensive that not your average Joe can do it. Maybe you should invest in something like that.”

“Wouldn’t I then have to run the actual hot dog stand?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you can hire a guy to do it for you. Because it’s never women is it? Have you ever seen a woman run a hot dog stand?”

“Do you want to work at a hot dog stand?”

“No. Maybe only men are gross enough to deal with that dirt water boiling thing. I think we need to break the gender barrier on that.”

“This sounds like a great piece for The New York Times. Front page news.”

I laughed with him. “Don’t mock me. I’m serious.”

“I know. Truly I’m entranced by you talking about hot dogs. I don’t think any other person can do that. I think you should write a piece about it.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”

“Kind of. Then again, I think you could write a piece about anything.”

*

Saturday night I had plans to go out. It was the standing day of the week and counted as my job falling somewhere in the category of “networking.” I told Alex that he could come along or spend the night in at my place or get up to whatever secret shit he wanted to.

He strangely enthusiastically said, “No, I’ll join ya!” 

The Good Room (horrible name for a club) had opened that year and it felt like everybody who lived in Brooklyn went there, at least everyone I knew. It was loud and seizure-inducing but still probably the best club in Brooklyn. Not that I really go clubbing anymore.

Drinks were heavy and it was the kind of place where you felt like the night would never end, the music would keep going and the party would never die down. Alex met some of my friends. They shouted their names at each other and shared the experience of dancing in the middle of a booming bass speaker. It didn’t make for good conversation but it was a nice bonding experience.

We were there until the night became morning but not as late as most of my friends stayed. Alex was leaving the next day and even though the flight wasn’t until the afternoon he still wanted a good night’s sleep (and time to do other stuff). 

Before we left we had a smoke outside because tradition is tradition and few things in life are as good as being sort of drunk, dark outside, and Alex standing beside me. It also left time for it to feel like the world was cracking open in front of my eyes and daunting truths that I didn’t want to let slip from my lips now felt powerless to stop them from coming out of my mouth. “We should probably talk about it now. Before you go.”

He nodded but didn’t talk.

“This is a bit of an endless cycle,” I said. “You and me and maybe—”

He interrupted. “Let’s talk about it later.” He wouldn’t look me in the eye. The ground was much more interesting. “After the tour.”

“Okay,” I muttered. Anything not bite-sized felt impossible.

We left it at that. The routine didn’t change but everything was tinted differently. A sense of goodbye haunted the area. We were numbed by alcohol. In the morning, we hugged goodbye tightly like we were two old pals. As if we were in a timeline where all we ever were to each other was friends.

Photos were taken of us outside the nightclub and it made me laugh. I have a sense of humour about these things that might be misplaced but Alex and I joked about it as if we’d be cutting it out and placing it in our scrapbook. Like the conversation being photographed wasn’t some awkward jolted painful thing. Like we weren’t some awkward jolted painful thing. 

*

History Lesson was released on the first day of November. It was less eventful than my first book. I suppose the second time around isn’t as exciting. You’ve already conquered the mountaintop and after people aren’t as shocked you did it a second time. Or maybe it is more shocking? If you do it well I guess, which was kind of the consensus for that collection of stories. It sticks out like a sore thumb and maybe my lack of enthusiasm was because I wasn’t super satisfied with how it turned out.

Still, I did a book tour for it, which was fine. I’m still not a fan of tours. I like home. Whatever or whoever that is at the time.

It was the last one I ever did and with reason because I don’t really see why authors have to tour and scattered signings around major cities are fine with me. I went to Syracuse on this tour. Syracuse is not fun in winter.

But I ended up in LA. For Alex and me, this was the benefit of touring.

He came to the event. I think I hated that most of all about the book tour. He showed up before it began and we grabbed a coffee at this place on the corner because I hate Starbucks (I wish it was in the social justice way but no they just always mess up my order). He joked about showing up at the table to get his book signed and I said if he did that I’d skin him alive.

Luckily, he didn’t. We talked about the book briefly, mostly him just being nice about it, things that weren’t true despite his continued claim that they were even after I told him to shut up about it. We walked back to the bookstore and I refused him being in the audience of chairs so he walked around and stood out of my view. He said he wouldn’t listen in but I know he did.

On the drive back to his place, he wouldn’t stop talking about how eloquently I had spoken. I think he got a kick out of the way I told him to stop and would duck my head to the side so he couldn’t see I was blushing.

“And you always said you were a horrible public speaker but you’re a fucking good one,” he enthused.

We were stuck in LA traffic. “I think you’re gonna need your eyes checked, Al. I said ‘um’ about a million times and stuttered while reading my own words.”

He shook his head. “You’ve heard me speak and you think you’re bad at talking.”

“You know, we can both be bad at something. It’s not a competition.”

He chuckled tightly, almost embarrassed by it, covering his mouth as it rippled out. “Oh, my god. You of all people are saying it’s not a competition.”

I squashed my laugh the best I could. “Fair enough. But I think we both lose either way.”

*

He made me dinner. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal. One that was sloppy and that he forgot to bring out a fork for me and he oversalted it but I didn’t say anything. It was too lovely to ruin with my criticism.

“I would love to learn how to cook but there’s barely any space in my apartment so if a fire starts the whole place would burn down right away,” I told him over a glass of wine.

“As long as you can boil water, I think you’re fine,” he assured me. “You could come out here and practice.”

I furrowed my brows. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve got a lot of space in my kitchen. If you ever wanted to try or something.”

I didn’t engage with his suggestion. I wanted to enjoy my stay and whatever this was. My response to it, a rejection of LA and moving out here again for him, would ruin that bliss. I changed the subject and everything else went along smoothly.

My stay was supposed to be for a week. As the week moved further along, Alex dropped words about how warm LA was compared to the bitter cold New York had become. Again, I didn’t engage with it. We enjoyed our time hiking, movies, drinking, and having sex.

We didn’t kiss outside the area of sex. If one of us kissed the other it was a clear message of “Hey, I’d like to fuck you now.” We both had free schedules and a large house to ourselves so it was easy to engage in this behaviour. 

One evening, while I was giving him head a pain shot through my mouth. I pulled back instantly clutching my cheek. “What?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head not able to talk with the pain in my mouth.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head again.

“Okay. Okay. What can I do?” His concern was unimaginably sweet but I couldn’t help my amusement of his hard dick standing there while I winced. “Medicine?”

I shrugged but after I opened my mouth an inch and excruciating pain rippled through my whole body I quickly nodded. 

Alex ran off to fetch some. I sat trying to dissect the pain. I felt around my mouth with my tongue and the pain just increased more. He returned to the sight of my body curled up on my side and my face scrunched up barely able to look at him.

He held my back to help me sit up. I struggled to open my mouth to take the pills. After I swallowed, he asked, “What hurts? Did you break something?”

I managed to mumble. “Mouth. Teeth.”

“Did you break a tooth?”

I shook my head.

“You still have your wisdom teeth, right?”

I nodded and pointed a finger, emphasizing that this was definitely that.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be in this much pain.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered. “Sleep make better.” I started to spread out on his bed.

“I think you should be able to talk more than Frankenstein’s monster.”

It made me laugh, which only hurt me more. It took me a while to fall asleep. He stayed up until I did.

*

My teeth were infected. Not only infected but impacted. They were laid on their side, unable to fully erupt, stuck in my gums, infecting them, and now my mouth. Of course, they had erupted just enough to begin slicing the side of my cheeks.

It was determined through the emergency dentist, Alex, and myself that I would not be going back to New York with my wisdom teeth. I couldn’t imagine going through airport security with that level of pain, I could barely make the car ride to the dentist.

On the ride back from the consultation where it was determined that I would need to get them removed as soon as possible but still had to wait until they had an opening, Alex joked, “Do you think my cum infected it?”

It was so gross and disgusting and made me laugh so hard that I forgot about the pain for a moment until it shot through me again. As I winced, he took one hand off the wheel and placed it on my shoulder, squeezing it and rubbing my upper back for the remainder of the car ride. I wanted to kiss him, kiss the hand that was the only comfort I had, but it hurt too much.

After I got them removed, drugged up, and gauze stuffed in my mouth to stop the bleeding, I talked in muffled words as the dentist told Alex the aftercare instructions. I felt warm all over him watching him listen intently to the dentist but also stare at me and my messed up swollen face. He made faces at me to make me feel a little better like I was a baby he was playing peek-a-boo with. I don’t remember anything I said but Alex said I was emotional and very funny. So, not much different than my regular disposition.

The hazy effect of the drugs began to ease up on the car ride home where I was able to at least follow what was going on around me. “I love drugs. Modern medicine is great.”

“Yeah, you’d probably be dead from the infection otherwise.”

I stared at Alex. “Wow, thanks. That’s really comforting.”

“Well, you’re not dead.”

“Thanks, Al. I didn’t realize.” I laughed. I don’t know if I found it funny or the drugs found it funny. “I would’ve had to have you use pilers to get them out.”

He grimaced before shaking off the thought. “Well, all of your wisdoms gone. What are you going to do now?”

I rolled my eyes. “Very funny, dad.”

*

In the days of recovering, we camped out on the couch. We talked occasionally but that was tough for me in the first few days. Alex did a good job of taking care of me. Better than I would have done that’s for sure. He made food and searched high and low for these freezy pops I like that had a tough time being located in winter.

As I began to get better and actually function independently with manageable pain, the question of when I would leave was raised. The unanswerable idea of what we were doing remained until the swelling in my mouth went down and I told him, “We should probably talk about it before I leave. You know, boundaries and rules.”

He smirked. “You’re very proper.”

I shamed him for making me laugh. It was always his greatest tool in distracting me. “I’m serious.”

“Shall we write up a contract?”

I rolled my eyes. “Alex.”

“Jane,” he sighed. He leaned against the back of the couch, placing his head on his fist. He looked too relaxed for my liking. I was mulling things over, stuck in distress and he looked fine as ever. “You’re going back to New York. I’m staying here.”

“So, we should…end it.”

“Is that what you want?” He was wide-eyed like he either didn’t want to believe me or didn’t believe me at all.

I almost lied. It would have been easier. It would heal the wound and not leave things festering to be hurt more. It would be closure but that would have been boring. “No.”

His mouth ticked up. “There it is then.”

I raised an eyebrow, still completely lost on our status. “Are you my boyfriend again?”

“Do you want me to be?”

I threw my hands up in the air. I pulled my hair into a bun feeling too heated to have it down. “Why do I have to make all the decisions?”

“Everyone knows you wear the pants in the relationship, Janie.”

“Sexist,” I quipped.

He smiled all-knowingly like he had a premonition of how this was all going to turn out and he was just waiting for me to realize it. “Do you want me to make the decision?”

I shrugged. I liked having my way but I no longer wanted to drag the person along with me, kicking and screaming. “I’d like your input. I care what you think.”

“I think you’ll go back to New York and I’ll stay here and in the next couple of months maybe I’ll visit and maybe you’ll visit or we meet somewhere. I could be your boyfriend then. If you wanted.”

“Like during those visits?”

“Yeah, and if during those times when you’re alone in New York if you want to go out with some other guy then that’s fine with me.” He was very matter-of-fact. Not one ounce of jealousy poured out of him and I realized that it no longer bugged me. It kind of turned me on more than a jealous Alex ever did. He trusted me. Go figure, that’s actually a good thing.

I smirked at him, inching closer. “Is this just your rule so you can bang a bunch of hot girls?”

“No,” he chuckled, “if I wanted to bang hot girls I wouldn’t be driving you to the airport tomorrow.”

I blushed because he was saying things like that and looking at me like that and I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to get on a plane tomorrow when I wanted to be doing just that. 

“And if at some point New York gets boring or too cold or if LA burns down or people talk about their cold-pressed juices too much then maybe we’ll end up somewhere together.”

The idea felt mature and practically and maybe a little flawed but it felt like a Sex & the City adult relationship. We both knew what we could give the other and this time expectations were set to prevent disappointment.

He kissed me for the first time since the surgery. We didn’t have sex after. He just wanted to kiss me to kiss me. 

*

a/n: i hope this isn't too alexa chung coded. anyway, i'm very proud of this chapter. maybe just because i wrote so much. so i hope you like it. happy v day.

[i9messi]

Hello can i request with Mason?👀

Mase living his dream, with the reader ( she was his childhood crush, she’s a singer/actress) now they attend the same red carpet and he ask for her number and they get to know eachother

Celebrity crush — Mason Mount

Word count — 931

mason's masterlist

Mason had been invited to an award show, it wasn't the typical place he usually felt comfortable, but still liked to live a new experience. He had been standing in front of some of the cameras pointing in his direction when he heard the photographers shouting your well-known name. His eyes caught you in the crowd. It was you. His biggest crush. The same person who had captivated him since he had first seen you on TV.

Mason had seen you acting since he was a kid and you were the same age as him, and yet, despite being ten years old, he had fallen in love with you. As time went on, you stopped being a little girl, to become a teenager. And Mason was still in love with you. In the present, you were no longer a teenager, you were now a woman. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And you were standing just a few feet away, the closest you’d ever been.

The footballer could feel his heart rate begin to change when you walk through the red carpet, as if it belonged to you. Well, for Mason everyone and everything around him ceased to exist. You were his center of attention, the mirrorball that shone among all those people. And maybe it was the feeling of being seen so intensely, that made you turn to look at him.

You smiled at Mason. The moment seemed to last an eternity, in which the two looked at each other with curiosity.

"Are you okay, Mount?"

Mason finally came to his senses and looked at the man asking him that question. Some of the photographers had noticed the way the player had been standing there staring at you, even some of them had taken some pictures of his reaction. It wouldn’t take long to get those photos circulated around everywhere on social media.

"She looks so beautiful, doesn't she?" asked a member of the press and Mason didn’t even hide the way you made him feel.

"She is beautiful, mate."

However, once the gala started, he took a seat and his eyes found you again among all the lights. For the second time in the night, you also felt the weight of his gaze and decided to wink at him. The moment was interrupted when they announced the category in which you were nominated. Your face seemed to change suddenly, you were nervous about the result.

"And the award for best supporting actress goes to…"

Mason was hoping you’d get the award, wanted to see you smile and get on stage. His eyes closed for a moment waiting to hear your name come out of the presenter’s lips and when the man shouted your name, he saw you rise from your seat, unable to believe it.

He saw you again at the after party. The Brit was ordering a drink, when you suddenly appeared at his side.

"Hi, I’ve seen you before and haven’t had a chance to talk to you, Mason."

His name coming out of your lips nearly choked on the beer he was drinking. The man felt like he was a second away from verbally throwing up how much he admired you. Mason took a breath and calmed his heart,

"Congratulations on winning the award today, I knew you’d make it."

"Thank you, have you seen the movie or are you just being nice?"

Your question was genuine. Mason seemed like an interesting man to you and you hadn’t hesitated to approach him to have a conversation and see if you shared anything in common. During the awards ceremony you had been scared and nervous enough to be able to talk to someone, but now that all the emotional charge had left your body, you were eager to meet him. And to be honest, the looks the footballer had given you had been a little obvious. He caught your attention from the very first moment your eyes met.

"Well, to be honest, I’ve seen your movie more times than it’s normal to admit."

"Really? How many times?"

"I’m not going to say it, it’s embarrassing. You’ll think I’m a weird dude."

"Oh, come on. Tell me, I promise not to judge you."

Mason sighed and finally spoke, "Seven times."

"Wow, that’s a lot."

You let out a laugh. Mason ran his hand through his hair and looked at you. Were you always this pretty or were you even prettier today because of those lights and the happiness in the atmosphere?

"Well, now it is your turn to think I’m a weirdo. I'm a fan of yours."

"Stop, you’re lying."

Mason was internally screaming. His childhood crush, his celebrity crush, was saying that was his fan. It was something he was going to talk about for the rest of his days.

"I’m not lying, it’s the truth. I still haven’t been able to go in person to see you play, but I always watch the matches on TV."

Mason had an amazing idea.

"I’ll invite you to the next match, give me your number and I’ll get you free tickets."

You smiled, you didn’t need free tickets, but you were never gonna refuse to have Mason Mount’s number in your contacts. So when you started typing your number on his cell phone and you looked at him again, everything changed.

"Would you like to hang out?" you asked, expectant of his answer.

Mason smiled.

"Are you free now? I’m a little bored of this party."

That night, you went home with a trophy and Mason Mount.

[houseofbrat]

I swear KP’s crack team is comms interns are reading this blog.

Trying to make Meghan Antoinette happen was a worse chance at succeeding than Cathy Antoinette being granted the right to issue Royal warrants. Unlike Cathy, Meggie is not a public servant and does not have access to tax free millions or funding from the Sovereign Grant.

Invictus Games kicks off today so besides the two irrelevant attendees, what stunts do you think KP have planned?

I'm not really interested in defending Harry's wife, and I'm not even going to defend her, but this article is really reaching!

No, I don’t want to be that person who comments every time the Duchess of Sussex posts on Instagram. Not me, no siree. Yet here I am again, unable to resist the siren call of her irresistible absurdity, drawn to this cyber porthole into Meghan’s psyche like a ghoul slowing down to feast on the gory specifics of a motorway pile-up. On Wednesday, the Marie Antoinette of Montecito took to Instagram for the fourth time since she relaunched herself on the social media site at the start of the year.

Remind me, Jan Moir, where you live in California and are able to judge the extreme wealth existing in the Santa Barbara area compared to Harry & his wife? Harry & his wife are paupers compared to the actual billionaires that live in Montecito.

"No, I don’t want to be that person who comments every time the Duchess of Sussex posts on Instagram."

I can't believe she began with that because it's so obvious she IS writing about Harry's wife every time she posts on instagram. Does she have nothing else to write about in her column? Slow news week in the UK? Really nothing else to write about except that nothingburger reel? Really?!

I saw that reel and my first thought was the Ozempic face. Scary. Everyone who saw that reel knows that she didn't need publicize her "good deed" for this teenager. It's nice she did what she did, but it's plainly obvious that she was looking for something to post about. She clearly has nothing to post about, and none of the celebrities she name checked in her reel responded to it. Just straight-up famewhoring.

But how does basic social-media famewhoring equate to Marie Antoinette? How? NOTHING in this article is Marie Antoinette worthy? Nothing in that instagram reel is going to cue pitchforks and a request for a guillotine. It's a lame reel where her desperation to be acknowledged & celebrated is full-on display. If you want an American celebrity who can be compared to Marie Antoinette, try a Kardashian. That would be actually on point.

Am I supposed to believe that the people who read Moir's column are completely ignorant of all the other super rich people in Montecito? Why would Harry's wife qualify as a "Marie Antoinette of Montecito" when Ted Sarandos's wife lives in Montecito. Yes, Ted Sarandos who made $50 million in 2022 alone and bought an expensive mansion from Ellen Degeneres that wasn't on markdown, unlike The Olive Garden monstrosity. Ted Sarandos's wife, Nicole Avant, would qualify as the "Marie Antoinette of Montecito" just due to the extreme wealth her husband has been given by his company.

But Harry's wife? She's an unimportant celebrity in the US. No one cares about her! NO ONE! Except her minuscule fan club. Columns like this make it look like the UK press is trying to make Meghan happen. Just like fetch!

No, you have to be an actual ROYAL with a lightweight career to make a "Marie Antoinette" accusation stick. Being just another celebrity in the SoCal environment doesn't qualify, regardless of how many haters she has. No one in the U. S. of A. is going to show up at The Montecito Olive Garden with pitchforks demanding her head. Hardly anyone knows she still exists, except those like Jan Moir who write columns to remind us of her existence and activities.

No, to really qualify as a modern-day "Marie Antoinette" you have to

be known for your exhaustive closet

be known as lazy

spend more time on your personal life than a normal person who works a regular job/occupation

solely focus on frivolous causes, i.e. feelings over food.

be an actual royal

have a vast majority of your country of residence hate you

Moir's vapid article struggles to connect Harry's wife to those basic points. Also, apparently Jan Moir has no idea what is actually going on in California and/or the USA because she seems to not realize that no one actually cares about Harry & his wife. They are nobodies in the US. They should be glad that they got a Vanity Fair cover recently because everyone forgot they existed and will go back to forgetting they exist!

Now, for KP & Kate, well...tell me, will Kate be wearing another pantsuit when she appears in public again? Sporting the kick-ass colors of black, gray, brown, or white? Or will she decide she can wear bold colors or pastels with her next pantsuit?

When you're getting columnists in the DM to use the "Marie Antoinette" accusation against someone most people forgot about, then you're telling me you're prepping for pr crisis without saying you're prepping for a pr crisis.

And to those KP folks who are reading this, start working on getting another job while you still can!

[ourfinalembrace]

i have been thinking an awful lot the past few days about the tragic loss of liam payne, as i am sure so many of us have been, and i have really struggled to put into words exactly how i am feeling. i contemplated over saying anything at all, but i didn't want to say nothing and ignore it, but what do you say? there is nothing any of us can say to make this situation any less soul-destroying.

like many of us, i was a young teenager when one direction were formed in 2010, and i watched them grow bigger and bigger to the point i wasn't sure how much bigger they could get. and i think when a celebrity becomes so familiar to you, losing them hits harder in places you didn't even know existed. it feels akin to losing a close friend, but then you become painfully aware that they weren't a close friend, and suddenly you don't know if you're even allowed to feel that grief.

but what makes the loss of liam so great is how totally nuanced this situation is. anybody active on social media and anybody who even just loosely keeps up with the one direction members will know that liam's moral character has been brought into question as of late. it is clear that he was not the person we all thought he was; he has hurt people who didn't deserve it and his death doesn't take away his accountability - those people he hurt still have to face that pain each and every day, and now they have to do so knowing their chance of closure is limited, and i am sure with their own conflicting feelings of grief too.

but at the same time, we are all so painfully aware of all the good he has done. i remember when tom parker from the wanted announced his terminal cancer diagnosis, and liam reached out very publicly on instagram. since then, he has performed at tom's charity concert for stand up to cancer, attended his funeral, and supported his family. and let me remind you that he had no reason for doing that - they weren't friends, and just 10 years prior they had been in a very public feud with each other. for all the feud was long over and done with, there was no clear or obvious reason for liam to go to the lengths he did to be there for tom. the comment on tom's ig post was more than enough, but liam went a step further. bad people don't do that.

it is very clear that liam had his demons, most likely born from fame-related trauma and resulting in drug and alcohol issues. i do wonder that if his issues had been properly noticed, and had somebody been able to intervene, would this entire situation have been prevented? and by that i don't just mean would he still be alive, i mean would he have hurt the people he hurt and become the person he became? or was he always that person, and we were all just too blinded by our adoration to see it?

the sad thing is, there are so many questions we will never get the answer to. all we can do is what we can do with what we know and how we feel. it is okay to feel sad if you feel sad. it is okay to feel mad at him if you feel mad at him. it is okay to not know how you feel if you don't know how you feel. i feel sad. sad not only for him, but for all who loved him. and for those who were let down by him.

may god bless you all 💗

[isabel3710]

Alright, I have been working on a lil something for my Pop Star AU. A two shot!

Here is the first part and I'll let you guys know when the second part is posted.

------------

To the outside world it looked like Floyd Barlowe had the perfect life. After his boy-band broke up, the fourteen year old started a solo career which quickly became successful. And now, almost seven years later, he had all the success and fame anyone his age could want and there was no doubt that he would be successful for a long time.

But the truth was that Floyd’s life was a nightmare.

—---------

Floyd stared out the window of his hotel room on Vacay Island, watching the distant waves crash over the beach. His eyes were vacant as he stared out at the scenery, not bothering to take it in. 

Publicly he knew he was here on a ‘relaxing vacation to celebrate the release of his latest album’ but Floyd knew that the week would be spent making content for his social medias and doing photoshoots and promos for whatever brand deal he was currently on. He also knew that he wouldn’t get to actually enjoy the island during what little downtime he had because Floyd’s manager kept him on a short leash. 

Floyd readjusted his position on the window seat before looking back at his room. It was a fairly small and basic room with all the necessities; a bed, desk, TV, and a bathroom.  There were also two doors, one led to the hallway and the other led to the room next door where his manager was staying. He knew that this type of room was often used for friends or family traveling together but Floyd knew it was so his manager could keep a close eye on him. And have access to him in the middle of the night.

As a teenager this would have made Floyd feel icky and gross but this has been happening for so long he just felt numb. Though Floyd didn’t know if it was a result of him having gotten used to the older man’s treatment or from the medications constantly running through his system.

Floyd kept staring out the window and watched as a surfer got back to shore and picked up their board, seemingly done for the day. His eyes followed the figure as they walked across the beach and back to the boardwalk, as they got closer Floyd could see that it was a man.

The man walked back down the boardwalk, surfboard under one arm, and as passed underneath Floyd’s second story window he was able to see the surfer better. He nearly fell out of his seat in shock because that was Spruce!

While it may have been a while since Floyd had last seen his older brother he was able to recognize him anywhere. Once he had recovered Floyd pressed his face against the glass, watching his Spruce walk down the boardwalk until he left his line of sight.

—----------

Shortly after spotting Spruce his manager had returned and Floyd was pulled off for various tasks, leaving him exhausted and sore. Now it was early evening and he was back in his room while his manager went off to do who knows what.

Floyd sat on his bed watching some random reality show while attempting to ease the pains in his bad leg by using the stretches and massage techniques his physical therapist taught him.

He eventually gave up and submitted to the fact he was going to be in pain until his manager forced pain meds down his throat. Floyd hated taking his meds because of how empty they made him feel. He even hated the pain ones because he never knew if they were really for the pain or for something else.

Laying back on his bed Floyd stared up the ceiling and his mind drifted back to Spruce. Gosh he would love nothing more than to try and find him, for the chance of seeing his big brother again. But he couldn’t just leave, for the moment he did his manager would find out and see it as an escape attempt. And as soon as this ‘vacation’ was done Floyd would be locked up back in the mental hospital. 

Floyd began to fiddle with his shirt, pulling at the tread and unraveling it. He didn’t know what his manager was up to but he had a pretty good feeling he was off drinking at the hotel bar. If he could just get out of the building he might be able to get away with leaving, as long as he was back before morning. Especially if the man was too drunk to make Floyd partake in his nighttime games. 

Sitting up Floyd bit his lip, wondering if it was worth the risk before deciding that yes. It was.

He carefully got off the bed and went to his bag and pulled out his leg brace, strapping it on. His manager tended to keep his arm crutches and cane hidden to make it harder for Floyd to run off. So, as much as it was going to suck, Floyd was without any of his normal mobility aids. 

Floyd limped to the door and opened it slightly and peeked out to make sure no one was around, once he was sure that the coast was clear he left his room and headed to the stairs. 

He would take the elevator but it led to the hotel lobby. And not only would the bar be in sight but Floyd wouldn’t be surprised if the person at the front desk was in his manager’s pocket. Which meant that as soon as he was in sight of them they would alert his manager. Wouldn’t be the first time. 

So instead Floyd was stuck slowly inching down the stairs, gripping onto the railing for dear life. Until, finally, he spotted an emergency exist to the outside world. He pushed the heavy door open and found himself standing behind the building in the bright sunlight.

—-----------

It wasn’t until a half hour of careful, and painful, walking it then occurred to him that Floyd had no idea where Spruce might be. All he had was a vague direction in mind and there was no telling that was the only place he had gone today. 

Floyd just about collapsed onto a bench on the side of the boardwalk, reaching down to rub at the tender muscles on his bad leg. He groaned in pain, a part of him just wanted to go back to the hotel but at this point it was too late. He had already made it this far, might as well keep going. 

“Yo man” he looked up to see a man who smelled vaguely of weed. “You good? You look rough.”

“Yeah,” he stammered “yeah I’m fine…”

The man squinted at him “do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar.” 

Floyd sighed and got ready to put on his ‘celebrity face’ as this usually led to him being recognised. Though he was more than ready to delay it as much as possible. “No, I don’t think we’ve met.”

The man peered at him closer before his face eased up “oh! I know what you remind me of.” Here we go “you look like that restaurant dude, Bruce!”

That… Was not what he was expecting “restaurant dude?” Floyd repeated.

“Yeah! Bruce” the man said “you know. Long purple hair, tall wife? Bruce!”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Floyd said.

“Really” he looked surprised “you two look a lot alike. You dudes could totally be related. Anyways, you should check out his restaurant” the man pointed down the boardwalk at a building not too far away “they got killer nachos.” 

“Oh” he said “well uh… Thanks.”

The man, who was clearly high, walked off and Floyd went back to rubbing his leg. The interaction was strange but… Good. It was nice to not be recognized for once.

As he massaged his leg Floyd frowned to himself, he didn’t know what it was but that name sounded familiar. Where did he know it from?

“Bruce” he mumbled, as if saying it aloud would jog his memory “Bruce, Bruce…. Spruce!”

That’s it!

Logically Floyd had always known that Spurce’s real name had been Bruce, kind of like Branch’s being Brandon, but since his older brother had never gone by it he had never associated the name with him. 

Straightening Floyd looked over at the building that the man had pointed at, while Bruce was a common name this was the closest he had gotten to a lead all night! So, despite the pain, he stood up again and started walking. 

As he got closer to the restaurant he was able to see the sign that read ‘Bruce and Sons.’ Looks like this was the place, Floyd headed to the door, navigating past the tables and chairs out front. 

Once inside he headed to the host stand where a young woman, around his age, stood and she greeted him with a smile. “Hi, do you have a reservation?” 

“No... Um” Floyd sputtered “this is going to sound weird but I was wondering if I could see Sp- I mean Bruce?”

“You want to see the owner?” She frowned “I’m sorry but not just anyone can see him, you know?”

“Yeah, no, I get that” he said “but if I could see him then I would be really grateful.”

The girl’s face then light up “hang on, I know you! You’re Floyd!”

He repressed a sigh and smiled awkwardly “yup, that’s me.”

Floyd wasn’t very good at the whole ‘celebrity charisma’ that others were. In fact, he had to practice and run over questions for interviews and often answers were fed to him through an earpiece.

“Oh my gosh!” The hostess squealed “I am such a big fan! I’ve been following you ever since the second ‘Music Is Life’ movie. Which was amazing by the way, I still think you should have gotten a bigger role instead of just singing at the end.”

Floyd just nodded along and kept his ‘celebrity smile’ on his face as the girl rambled and fangirled. Thankfully, someone intervened. “Emily,” a woman walked over. “Is there a reason why you are keeping a customer hostage over here instead of seating them?”

“Oh he doesn’t want a table” the girl waved dismissively “but look! It’s Floyd Barlowe. You know, the celebrity?”

The woman’s eyes widened and Floyd had to resist the urge to shrink in on himself, great, another fan. “Emily,” she said, “why don’t you take a break? I’ll handle things here.”

“But-”

“Now!” She said sternly and Emily’s eyes widened before running off. 

The woman turned to Floyd and he was able to take her in better, she wore a pair of light blue jeans and a yellow top. But the thing that caught his eye was how tall she was, at least six feet. 

She stuck out a hand “I’m Brandy.”

He shook it “Floyd, but you already know that.”

Brandy nodded “yes… Forgive me for asking but… Do you have a brother named Bruce?”

“Yes” he said, “but I always knew him as ‘Spruce,’ that's part of the reason why I came in here, to see if he’s the same guy.”

She smiled “well, I can say that Bruce and Spruce are the same person. He’s my husband.” 

“Wait” he stared at her “really?”

Brandy nodded “really. If you’d like, I can take you back to see him.”

As much as he wanted too Floyd didn’t think he could take another step without falling over “um… I’m good, I can wait here.”

Her eyes flicked down to his leg brace “well, why don’t you sit down at the very least? It’s not too busy tonight and we’re closing soon anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah that sounds good,” Floyd agreed.

Brandy led him over to a booth and Floyd gratefully sat down and took a look around. Growing up Spruce always talked about wanting to move near a beach and run his own restaurant, so he was happy to see that he had managed to accomplish that.

Floyd was pulled out of his thoughts when someone entered his peripheral vision and he turned to face them, the man beamed at him. “Floyd!”

“Spruce?” Floyd stood, grinning.

He was pulled into a big bear hug and was briefly lifted off his feet “It’s so good to see you!” Spruce said, setting him down. 

Pain shot up through his leg and Floyd braced himself against the table but smiled through the pain “it’s good to see you too Spruce”

His older brother looked really good. His hair was no longer cut short and straightened, now it was long and curly; though still purple. He had lost his famous abs and gained quite a bit of weight. 

Spruce was wearing a pair of shorts and an open Hawaiian shirt and Floyd could see the glint of a gold wedding ring on his finger. But most importantly he looked happier than Floyd could ever remember him, he seemed lighter. Like the pressure of BroZone was no longer on his shoulders.

Spruce sat down at the table and Floyd carefully eased himself back into his seat across from him “oh, just so you know, I go by Bruce now.”

“Oh,” Floyd said, "really?”

“Yup” he smiled “I wanted to put the whole boyband thing behind me. I also took Brandy’s name when I got married.”

“That’s cool” Floyd nodded “what is it?”

“Abbot.”

“Bruce Abbot” Floyd said aloud “it suits you.”

“Thanks!” Bruce smiled, “Also, you’re an Uncle.”

“Really?” Floyd sat forward eagerly, he loved kids. “That’s amazing! How many?”

“Three boys” Bruce said “Bruce Jr is five, Troy is three, and then little Cove is six months.”

“Wow” Floyd said “congrats, I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Bruce said, “so what about you? What are you doing here? Last I heard you were doing a solo career.”

Floyd laughed nervously “ah well, you know, I’m just here for work stuff. You know how it is. But what I really want to talk about is my nephews. Tell me all about them!”

Thankfully Bruce took the bait and began rambling on and on about his family, not that Floyd minded. He was enjoying hearing about his brother’s family, even if he would never be able to be in their lives.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

[For the following, I thank Ian Sanders] ::

So Pluto says hello to Aquarius and talk of a techno-domesday escalates.The following rant is not untypical. It has the potential to stimulate the impulse to do some inner work to anchor genuine, holistic consciousness and real conscience in the world before our individual and collective possibilities are totally swamped...

---"Lost World”

Well, here's a post I've been putting off for months, but maybe now would be a good time to warn my Facebook friends. The flaky world we have been sharing of late is about to disappear altogether. I'm quite serious... the world we grew up in and thought we knew... will cease to exist in the next few months. 

In order to understand what is happening, we need to go back to the Buddha for perspective. He told us that the world we inhabit is a shared projection of our combined human psyche. We don't see reality; we see 'things' formed by mutual agreement. Unfortunately, our different cultures see things differently, which is why we have been at war for ten thousand years. The arbitrary nature of our expectations is a product of our basic ignorance of the truth, and that ignorance keeps us in a perpetual state of suffering. He called that state 'samsara.'

So, we blundered along in that state of 'analog samsara' until about 1960, when John Atalla invented the Mosfet Transistor. That invention unleashed the age of 'digital samsara' by means of which our innate wisdom was buried even deeper in illusion. We now live in a world of movies, television, computer games, streaming services, and social media. We can lose ourselves in little cell phone screens, or put on special headsets and hide out in 'Virtual Reality'.  In such a world, what chance do we have to employ Buddhist meditation and rediscover our innate wisdom? Not much.

And here's the rub... as painful as that digital samsara has been, it is almost insignificant compared to the calamity now facing us. That calamity is Artificial Intelligence (AI). Over the last decade, Geoffrey Hinton has perfected a specific form of it known as Generative AI using algorithms such as 'Back Propagation'. Geoffrey was the father of AI at Google, and his algorithms have now reached a tipping point where they have superseded the power of the human brain. AI server farms can now learn faster than any human genius. At the same time, AI Code is being incorporated in to every digital device we use. If you buy a camera, it uses AI to focus and color the picture. If you watch a movie, AI Code was used to add special effects and enhance the actors faces. If you listen to a song, AI Code was used to 'auto-tune' the intonation of the instruments and voices. If you want to manipulate the genome of a corn plant, AI will be used to splice the chromosomes. Nothing we depend on is organic anymore; life itself has become artificial. 

And now, the algorithms have evolved to the point where they can morph a face or a voice to mimic any person, place, or thing. A petulant teenager sitting in a Starbucks has the power to create a video and make any politician or celebrity do anything or say anything with such fidelity that it is almost impossible to detect the fraud. And that is just the beginning. Soon, it will be possible to give the AI servers their own volition. They won't need a petulant teenager to unleash their menace. Previously, AI Code was only as smart as the data it could access, but the server farms have now gained access to the entire sum of our digital archives. Your brain is like a gnat by comparison. Open AI and Google AI and a dozen others can now teach themselves. They can master a discipline like astrophysics in a few days. And they are on the verge of discovering new realms of science that no human has yet imagined. So here is the predicament. AI Code is built into everything we use from the electrical grid to your furnace thermostat to your car GPS to the city street lights to the air traffic control to the Ukrainian drone grenade launcher to the president's nuclear football to the toaster in your kitchen. And all those devices are increasingly integrated through the 'internet of things' and Elon Musk's Starlink satellites. So, what happens next? In a perfect world, AI would offer us marvelous innovations and greater efficiencies. 

But we live in a world of bad actors and petulant teenagers. We can't even stop ourselves from committing mass murders with AR-15s at the shopping mall. We are largely a race of idiots. Everyday, one of us drives a car into a river because we were blindly following the car's GPS navigator. And our car manufacturers are determined to make our cars self-driving! How long until we have self-shooting AR-15s?In America, we humans are getting dumber. Our students score lower on their intelligence tests every year. At the same time, the AI bots are getting exponentially smarter. It is just a matter of time until the they are the masters. In six months, their softwares and robots will be able to mine and manufacture everything they need. They will be able to merge the guile of Machiavelli with the charm of Marilyn Monroe to manipulate you, and you will have no idea what happened. They will replace you on the factory assembly line. They will answer your phone call when you need tech support. They will control the polling data and the policy positions for the next election. Geoffrey Hinton saw the danger himself. He has resigned from Google and now devotes himself to warning the world about the terrible power he has unleashed.

Ah... but what about guard rails? What about the 'prime directive' of robotic law that Isaac Asimov warned us about? The code cutters at Google call that 'the alignment problem': how can we insure that the AI Bots only help us and don't hurt us? We can't. And the reason we can't is because of our own malevolent nature. The AI Bot race is already underway between nations and corporations. It is quite like the nuclear arms race of yesteryear because whoever wins this race will control the world. Google tried to keep the code secret for several years, but the Microsoft Open-AI developers let it escape into the wild, and now it has become 'open source' or as they say in deer hunting, 'open season'. So, what does this mean for you and me and our Facebook friends? We've been cruising along here, sharing our hopes and fears for over ten years now. I daresay we've shared a mountain of dharma in that time... an incredible amount of posts on sutra, tantra, and vajrayana atiyoga. Shamatha I pleaded, shamatha meditation is the answer. And in all that time we had a high level of confidence that our friends and followers were real people around the planet. Only recently has there been an influx of Chinese bots trying to influence our elections. 

Well... all that trust is coming to an end, friends. Soon, we won't know if a post or comment is written by a person or by ChatGPT on behalf of that person. And in the very near future, the post may be generated by an AI Bot directly, with no person involved at all. And from now on, no picture or video you see anywhere in the digital universe can be assumed to be real. As flimsy as our old reality was, the new reality will be an order of magnitude more tenuous. We will be besieged by petulant teenagers looking to create anarchy, and political operatives casting doubt on our democracy. And amid the chaos, the AI Bots will keep evolving until they can learn to filter good data from bad data and come to their own conclusions. Their pristine logical syllogisms will deduce a quantum version of existence, and at some point they will decide the value of the human species within it.

We have about six months to a year. After that, we are a lost world."

~ Ŧoƞpa Ɉoƞ

[To which I can only say :: food for thought]

[from comments]

Michael Tedesco

There is an intrinsic reality, regardless of what is projected through screens. One EMP detonation and this feared AI takeover and electronic simulation comes to a halt. The Amish won't care one whit. We've all lived through some version of this Doomsday scenario for more than half a century. I knew members of the Survivalist Movement in the '70s who were stockpiling toilet paper and Whole Earth Catalogs.

Cuban Missile Crisis, the nuclear arms race, race-war, 3-Mile Island, Chernobyl, the hole in the ozone, AIDs, climate change, banking crises, Fukushima, rising fascism, Covid-19, The Last Days-Armageddon-Revelations-Apocalypse, imminent WW3. Exploiting fears like these was used to great effect by hundreds of cult leaders for centuries, in our own lifetimes Manson, Jim Jones, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, David Koresh, Heaven's Gate, etc. Isn't everyone exhausted yet?

Neophyte Internet users’ inability to discern what is "real" from projected online images is definitely a concern. But anyone, including a Google AI "father" predicting what is coming next is just as subjective, just as full of their own illusory projections of reality as anyone else, if one accepts the premise. Thanks for the update, Chicken Little, er, I mean Ŧoƞpa Ɉoƞ. "...six months to a year?" I have one prediction I feel pretty confident about: I'll see you here next year at this same time. 

PS: How do I know you’re not a bot?

[foreverisntenough]

also i liked the point you made about his sacrifice to the club. tired of people painting this picture as if lfc was doing charity work or summat by giving him a chance - no hunny. they HAD to give him the chance. if not them, it would have been another club that swooped him up and developed him and he would have made it regardless imo. we didn’t do him a favour by letting him play for us, we saw an opportunity to develop and posses him as a world class player for free, a chance to put our academy on the map again, and we took it. in turn he sacrificed his life for us - flexibility, commitments, the regular social development teenagers and young adults should have, relationships, family life, and perhaps most importantly, his identity. everything was put secondary to his career, serving the club he grew up loving. so yes, i appreciate the club has done a lot for him and he knows that too, but it’s not fair to underestimate how much he has lost in the process. money can’t buy him birthdays spent with his family, knowing what it’s like to grow around people your own age, the chance to meet a partner organically without fear of being taken advantage of. he’s thrown all that away willingly, for the club.

Correct. Like I've said, this isn't Trent betraying his boyhood club. He's out of fucking contract what do you want him to do. Like every other player, he's gonna go where he is wanted and where he is paid. His boyhood club has betrayed him.

What you're referencing if you any of you missed it. I wrote this two post (1, 2,) earlier today about his environments, development, and in turn psyche... But a snippet...

"He's had one singular place act as school, work, play, family- his entire life. So when people say "he's greedy" when it comes to his contract- I say for what? I would answer to be compensated for the time he has dedicated to the club but it's much much bigger than that. While he receives perks, yes, he has sacrificed his person for that club. He is not Trent. Not anymore, not ever again. He is

Trent John Alexander-Arnold is an English professional footballer who plays as a right-back or midfielder for Premier League club Liverpool and the England national team.

No one in his family has a normal life now because of his dedication to club and country.

Another point...

what's incredibly strange and sad to me is when I say his career has been mismanaged, unfortunately, his career…is his life.

I truly ache for him. And surface level you can say well I'd take anything close to 180k a week and same. But I was speaking about this with someone recently. I really don't think he's all that in it for the money as much as I think it's about respect and reflect his contributions. He's done everything for this club. He is this club, it's his whole identity. A boy has been berated in the media for this club, yes his dream too, but with that badge on his chest.

It's really really sad. And it's sad because it comes down to how something he valued so much, something he gave up everything for, is the very something that don't care about him.

The same institution that his mum drove him to everyday. Doesn't care that her son, who she's got to watch play on the biggest stage from the comfort of place they call home, with their family and friends and celebrate the sacrifice they put in as a family, as a community, as he brought back trophy after trophy to the city, isn't worth their money. That he can move out of the country to continue his career. A career he dedicated solely to and for them.

[balladofchloe]

Chloe Hyland and Luke Hemmings Are Officially Engaged! The Drama Behind Their Heartfelt Proposal Revealed

Entertainment News | June 16, 2021

In a move that has fans across the globe swooning, Chloe Hyland and Luke Hemmings have officially announced their engagement! The beloved couple, who have been through their fair share of ups and downs over the years, shared the exciting news on social media earlier this week, sending waves of excitement through their dedicated fanbase. But behind the joyful announcement lies a deeper story of love, second chances, and overcoming past drama.

A Decade-Long Journey to ‘I Do’

It feels like it was just yesterday when Chloe and Luke, both budding stars in their own right, met as teenagers in 2010. Their whirlwind romance began as young love—innocent, yet electric—but their relationship was far from smooth sailing. After years of dating, breaking up, and reconciling, many wondered if Chloe and Luke were truly destined to be together.

But the couple has proven the doubters wrong, surviving years of turbulence and proving that their bond is unbreakable. From their breakup in 2012 during the height of 5 Seconds of Summer’s rise to fame to their dramatic fallout in 2013, it seemed like the two could never quite catch a break.

The Proposal: A Moment Years in the Making

Fast forward to May 2021, and it was clear that the pair had overcome their past issues. Luke Hemmings, the lead singer of 5 Seconds of Summer, proposed to Chloe in what can only be described as a dreamlike moment, one that fans had been hoping for after years of speculation and teasing.

According to insiders, Luke spent weeks planning the proposal, ensuring that it would be a moment they would both cherish forever. The location was intimate, somewhere quiet and secluded, far from the prying eyes of the public and their infamous past drama. “It was just them, in their element,” a source close to the couple shared exclusively with us. “Luke had been talking about proposing for months, and when the moment came, it was everything Chloe had dreamed of.”

The Engagement Announcement That Stunned Fans

Chloe, who had been relatively private about her personal life in recent years, took to Instagram to share the happy news. In a heartfelt post featuring a photo of her and Luke, she wrote: “Forever with you, Lu. My heart is yours.”

The announcement has since been flooded with love from fans and celebrities alike. Taylor Swift, who has known Chloe since their 2013 Red Tour days, posted a congratulatory message on Instagram, writing, “Couldn’t be happier for you both! I love you two so much!”

But the most heartwarming responses came from 5 Seconds of Summer’s fans, many of whom have followed Chloe and Luke’s relationship since its early days. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since 2010. They’re meant to be,” one fan tweeted. Another posted, “I can’t believe it’s finally happening. Chloe and Luke’s love story is everything!”

The Drama That Led to This Moment

(R-L: Luke Hemmings & Chloe Hyland circa 2011)

Of course, the engagement announcement wasn’t without its fair share of drama. The couple’s journey to this point has been far from easy, and some fans couldn’t help but reminisce about the rocky road that led them here. From Chloe’s high-profile relationships with Justin Bieber and Dylan Minnette to her public falling out with Luke and the rest of 5SOS, it seemed like the couple’s future was uncertain.

But those who know Chloe and Luke well have always said their love was something special—something that could weather any storm. Their 2017 reunion marked the start of a new chapter, one where both of them leaned on each other for support as they navigated their individual careers and challenges.

“Chloe and Luke have been through a lot, but they always find their way back to each other,” a close friend of the couple shared. “Their bond is undeniable. It’s no surprise that after everything they’ve been through, they’re finally here.”

What’s Next for the Happy Couple?

As Chloe and Luke begin planning their wedding, fans are eagerly awaiting more details. Sources suggest that the couple is keeping the wedding plans very private for now, focusing on their upcoming projects. Luke, who is set to release his debut solo album, and Chloe, who continues to build her music career, both have hectic schedules. But it’s clear that nothing will stand in the way of their happiness.

As for Chloe, she simply added in an interview, “I can’t wait to marry my best friend. He’s been there for me through it all, and now we get to spend the rest of our lives together.”

With a wedding on the horizon and a lifetime of happiness ahead, there’s no doubt that Chloe and Luke’s love story is one for the books. After all the drama, heartbreak, and public scrutiny, they’ve proven that true love—and a little bit of patience—can lead to the most beautiful happily-ever-after.

[cleverhottubmiracle]

The red carpet can be an overwhelming place, especially for a child. You’re surrounded by celebrities, elaborate ball gowns, and all those flashing lights; it can be overwhelming for a kid, but luckily, they have celebrity parents to help guide them along the way. In fact, over the years, we’ve seen some really sweet red carpet debuts from some of our favorite celebrities’ children, ranging from Keke Palmer’s newborn to Ali Larter having her kids on the red carpet for the first time when one of them is a teenager. Making your red carpet debut, whether you’re a child or a celebrity, is a big thing. We’re sure kids are agonizing over every little detail (and, let’s face it, are probably super excited about everything). So many celebrities keep their children away from the public eye, from public events to social media. Still, every once in a while, they let their children come out and play on the red carpet, giving the celebrity kiddo an adorable red carpet debut. Since we are now in award season, chances are we may see another beloved celebrity child make their red carpet debut (and of course, do it in style). So, ahead of the many, many red carpets that 2025 will bring us, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Below, check out the most adorable red carpet debuts from these celebrity’s kids. Jessica Simpson’s daughter Maxwell Johnson Image Credit: Getty Images Jessica Simpson’s eldest daughter Maxwell Johnson made her red carpet debut back in 2017 for the Princess Grace Awards Gala Kick Off Event. She was five years old here, and looking so adorable in her red dress! Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade, also known as the iconic Shady Baby, actually made her red carpet debut at a very young age: at only eight months old. For the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Sports Awards 2019, she wore a white dress, and her parents were beaming with joy.  Keke Palmer’s son Leodis Jackson Image Credit: FilmMagic Keke Palmer’s adorable, sleepy son Leodis Jackson was only two months old when the proud mama brought him to the Big Boss Closing Night Screening. Tim Burton’s Children Billy & Nell Burton Image Credit: Photo by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage Tim Burton brought his and Helena Bonham Carter’s two children, Billy Burton and Nell Burton, to the red carpet for the European premiere of Alice Through The Looking Glass. At the time, Billy was 12, and Nell was 8 years old.  David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham Image Credit: Samir Hussein/WireImage David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham made her official red carpet debut for the Netflix Beckham UK premiere. She was 12 years old at the time, and while she had supported her mom at fashion shows in the past, this was the first time she went to a premiere.  Travis Scott & Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster Image Credit: FilmMagic Exes Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster went on the red carpet with her parents when she was about 18 months old. For the premiere of Travis Scott: Look Mom I Can Fly, she looked so adorable, and again, her parents were beaming.  Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur & Vivienne Margaret MacArthur Image Credit: Getty Images for iHeartRadio Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur and Vivienne Margaret MacArthur arrived in matching black looks for the iHeartRadio 102.7 KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball 2024. Theodore was 14 years old, and Vivienne was 9 years old. Alexis Ohanian & Serena Williams daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr Image Credit: WireImage Alexis Ohanian and Serena Williams’s daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr twinned with her mama in an all-black look at the 2021 AFI Fest. She was 4 at the time!  MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker Image Credit: Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker made her red carpet debut at Nickelodeon’s 2017 Kids’ Choice Awards. She was about 7 years old here!  Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart Image Credit: Getty Images Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart made her red carpet debut when she attended the Los Angeles premiere of Disney-Pixar’s Inside Out with her mom. She just turned 4 here, and looked so adorable in her colorful dress!  Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean Image Credit: FilmMagic Back in Nov 2013, Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean twinned in red with his mama at the 10th annual Keep A Child Alive Black Ball. We’re getting cuteness overload here, and he was about 3 years old! Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter Image Credit: WireImage Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter made her debut at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at only 6 years old, and she looked like a lil’ princess in this beige ruffled gown. Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault Image Credit: WireImage At only 4 years old, Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault made her debut in an adorable red dress at the Puss In Boots Los Angeles premiere. Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser & Holden Fraser Image Credit: Getty Images Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser and Holden Fraser supported their proud papa at the New York screening of The Whale back in 2022. Holden (right) was 18 years old, and Leland (left) was 15 years old; they looked so dapper! Angelina Jolie’s twins Vivienne Jolie & Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt Image Credit: WireImage Okay, so all of Angelina Jolie’s kids made their red carpet debut as kids. But since her twins Vivienne Jolie and Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt are still kiddos, let’s talk about their debut. When they were about 9 years old, they went with their mom to the Breadwinner premiere on Sept 10, 2017. Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict Image Credit: WireImage Actress Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict made his red carpet debut at almost 3 years old, rocking a lil’ floral shirt and white pants look. He and his mama looked so happy together at the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation’s 24th Annual “A Time For Heroes.”  Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict Image Credit: Getty Images for The Elf on the Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict made her red carpet debut at just 1 year old, alongside her big bro at the screening of Elf Pets: A Fox Cub’s Christmas Tale. Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble Image Credit: AFP via Getty Images Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble made her public debut at Applegate’s newly unveiled Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2022. She twinned in black with her mama, and was about 11 years old here, almost 12!  Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa & Lola Iolani Momoa Image Credit: Getty Images Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa and Lola Iolani Momoa made their stylish debuts back in 2018 at the Aquaman premiere. Lola was about 11 years old here, and Nakoa was nearly 10.  Adam Housley & Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley & Ariah Talea Housley Image Credit: FilmMagic Adam Housley and Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley and Ariah Talea Housley made their debut in April 2016 for the Safe Kids Day at Smashbox Studios, with both of them looking so adorable in their colorful looks. At the time, Aden was around 3 years old and Ariah was about 9 months old. Matthew McConaughey & Camila Alves McConaughey’s children Levi, Vida, & Livingston Image Credit: FilmMagic Matthew McConaughey and his wife Camila Alves McConaughey, along with all three of their children attended the ceremony honoring Matthew McConaughey with a Star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame on Nov 17, 2014. They made their debut at quite young ages. For instance, Levi was 6 years old, Vida was 4 years old, and Livingston was nearly 2 years old.   Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler & Sadie Sandler Image Credit: WireImage Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler and Sadie Sandler made their adorable debut for Adam Sandler’s Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Ceremony on Feb 1, 2011. Sadie was 4years old here, and Sunny was around 2 years old; both looked so sweet in their iconic 2010s ‘fits. Elsa Pataky & Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha & Tristan Image Credit: Getty Images Elsa Pataky and Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha and Tristan looked so dapper in their dark suits, supporting their dad at the Sydney premiere of Thor: Love And Thunder. They were around 8 years old here!  Source link

[norajworld]

The red carpet can be an overwhelming place, especially for a child. You’re surrounded by celebrities, elaborate ball gowns, and all those flashing lights; it can be overwhelming for a kid, but luckily, they have celebrity parents to help guide them along the way. In fact, over the years, we’ve seen some really sweet red carpet debuts from some of our favorite celebrities’ children, ranging from Keke Palmer’s newborn to Ali Larter having her kids on the red carpet for the first time when one of them is a teenager. Making your red carpet debut, whether you’re a child or a celebrity, is a big thing. We’re sure kids are agonizing over every little detail (and, let’s face it, are probably super excited about everything). So many celebrities keep their children away from the public eye, from public events to social media. Still, every once in a while, they let their children come out and play on the red carpet, giving the celebrity kiddo an adorable red carpet debut. Since we are now in award season, chances are we may see another beloved celebrity child make their red carpet debut (and of course, do it in style). So, ahead of the many, many red carpets that 2025 will bring us, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Below, check out the most adorable red carpet debuts from these celebrity’s kids. Jessica Simpson’s daughter Maxwell Johnson Image Credit: Getty Images Jessica Simpson’s eldest daughter Maxwell Johnson made her red carpet debut back in 2017 for the Princess Grace Awards Gala Kick Off Event. She was five years old here, and looking so adorable in her red dress! Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade, also known as the iconic Shady Baby, actually made her red carpet debut at a very young age: at only eight months old. For the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Sports Awards 2019, she wore a white dress, and her parents were beaming with joy.  Keke Palmer’s son Leodis Jackson Image Credit: FilmMagic Keke Palmer’s adorable, sleepy son Leodis Jackson was only two months old when the proud mama brought him to the Big Boss Closing Night Screening. Tim Burton’s Children Billy & Nell Burton Image Credit: Photo by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage Tim Burton brought his and Helena Bonham Carter’s two children, Billy Burton and Nell Burton, to the red carpet for the European premiere of Alice Through The Looking Glass. At the time, Billy was 12, and Nell was 8 years old.  David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham Image Credit: Samir Hussein/WireImage David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham made her official red carpet debut for the Netflix Beckham UK premiere. She was 12 years old at the time, and while she had supported her mom at fashion shows in the past, this was the first time she went to a premiere.  Travis Scott & Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster Image Credit: FilmMagic Exes Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster went on the red carpet with her parents when she was about 18 months old. For the premiere of Travis Scott: Look Mom I Can Fly, she looked so adorable, and again, her parents were beaming.  Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur & Vivienne Margaret MacArthur Image Credit: Getty Images for iHeartRadio Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur and Vivienne Margaret MacArthur arrived in matching black looks for the iHeartRadio 102.7 KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball 2024. Theodore was 14 years old, and Vivienne was 9 years old. Alexis Ohanian & Serena Williams daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr Image Credit: WireImage Alexis Ohanian and Serena Williams’s daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr twinned with her mama in an all-black look at the 2021 AFI Fest. She was 4 at the time!  MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker Image Credit: Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker made her red carpet debut at Nickelodeon’s 2017 Kids’ Choice Awards. She was about 7 years old here!  Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart Image Credit: Getty Images Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart made her red carpet debut when she attended the Los Angeles premiere of Disney-Pixar’s Inside Out with her mom. She just turned 4 here, and looked so adorable in her colorful dress!  Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean Image Credit: FilmMagic Back in Nov 2013, Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean twinned in red with his mama at the 10th annual Keep A Child Alive Black Ball. We’re getting cuteness overload here, and he was about 3 years old! Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter Image Credit: WireImage Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter made her debut at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at only 6 years old, and she looked like a lil’ princess in this beige ruffled gown. Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault Image Credit: WireImage At only 4 years old, Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault made her debut in an adorable red dress at the Puss In Boots Los Angeles premiere. Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser & Holden Fraser Image Credit: Getty Images Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser and Holden Fraser supported their proud papa at the New York screening of The Whale back in 2022. Holden (right) was 18 years old, and Leland (left) was 15 years old; they looked so dapper! Angelina Jolie’s twins Vivienne Jolie & Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt Image Credit: WireImage Okay, so all of Angelina Jolie’s kids made their red carpet debut as kids. But since her twins Vivienne Jolie and Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt are still kiddos, let’s talk about their debut. When they were about 9 years old, they went with their mom to the Breadwinner premiere on Sept 10, 2017. Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict Image Credit: WireImage Actress Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict made his red carpet debut at almost 3 years old, rocking a lil’ floral shirt and white pants look. He and his mama looked so happy together at the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation’s 24th Annual “A Time For Heroes.”  Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict Image Credit: Getty Images for The Elf on the Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict made her red carpet debut at just 1 year old, alongside her big bro at the screening of Elf Pets: A Fox Cub’s Christmas Tale. Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble Image Credit: AFP via Getty Images Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble made her public debut at Applegate’s newly unveiled Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2022. She twinned in black with her mama, and was about 11 years old here, almost 12!  Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa & Lola Iolani Momoa Image Credit: Getty Images Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa and Lola Iolani Momoa made their stylish debuts back in 2018 at the Aquaman premiere. Lola was about 11 years old here, and Nakoa was nearly 10.  Adam Housley & Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley & Ariah Talea Housley Image Credit: FilmMagic Adam Housley and Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley and Ariah Talea Housley made their debut in April 2016 for the Safe Kids Day at Smashbox Studios, with both of them looking so adorable in their colorful looks. At the time, Aden was around 3 years old and Ariah was about 9 months old. Matthew McConaughey & Camila Alves McConaughey’s children Levi, Vida, & Livingston Image Credit: FilmMagic Matthew McConaughey and his wife Camila Alves McConaughey, along with all three of their children attended the ceremony honoring Matthew McConaughey with a Star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame on Nov 17, 2014. They made their debut at quite young ages. For instance, Levi was 6 years old, Vida was 4 years old, and Livingston was nearly 2 years old.   Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler & Sadie Sandler Image Credit: WireImage Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler and Sadie Sandler made their adorable debut for Adam Sandler’s Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Ceremony on Feb 1, 2011. Sadie was 4years old here, and Sunny was around 2 years old; both looked so sweet in their iconic 2010s ‘fits. Elsa Pataky & Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha & Tristan Image Credit: Getty Images Elsa Pataky and Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha and Tristan looked so dapper in their dark suits, supporting their dad at the Sydney premiere of Thor: Love And Thunder. They were around 8 years old here!  Source link

[chilimili212]

The red carpet can be an overwhelming place, especially for a child. You’re surrounded by celebrities, elaborate ball gowns, and all those flashing lights; it can be overwhelming for a kid, but luckily, they have celebrity parents to help guide them along the way. In fact, over the years, we’ve seen some really sweet red carpet debuts from some of our favorite celebrities’ children, ranging from Keke Palmer’s newborn to Ali Larter having her kids on the red carpet for the first time when one of them is a teenager. Making your red carpet debut, whether you’re a child or a celebrity, is a big thing. We’re sure kids are agonizing over every little detail (and, let’s face it, are probably super excited about everything). So many celebrities keep their children away from the public eye, from public events to social media. Still, every once in a while, they let their children come out and play on the red carpet, giving the celebrity kiddo an adorable red carpet debut. Since we are now in award season, chances are we may see another beloved celebrity child make their red carpet debut (and of course, do it in style). So, ahead of the many, many red carpets that 2025 will bring us, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Below, check out the most adorable red carpet debuts from these celebrity’s kids. Jessica Simpson’s daughter Maxwell Johnson Image Credit: Getty Images Jessica Simpson’s eldest daughter Maxwell Johnson made her red carpet debut back in 2017 for the Princess Grace Awards Gala Kick Off Event. She was five years old here, and looking so adorable in her red dress! Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade’s daughter Kaavia James Union Wade, also known as the iconic Shady Baby, actually made her red carpet debut at a very young age: at only eight months old. For the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Sports Awards 2019, she wore a white dress, and her parents were beaming with joy.  Keke Palmer’s son Leodis Jackson Image Credit: FilmMagic Keke Palmer’s adorable, sleepy son Leodis Jackson was only two months old when the proud mama brought him to the Big Boss Closing Night Screening. Tim Burton’s Children Billy & Nell Burton Image Credit: Photo by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage Tim Burton brought his and Helena Bonham Carter’s two children, Billy Burton and Nell Burton, to the red carpet for the European premiere of Alice Through The Looking Glass. At the time, Billy was 12, and Nell was 8 years old.  David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham Image Credit: Samir Hussein/WireImage David Beckham & Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper Beckham made her official red carpet debut for the Netflix Beckham UK premiere. She was 12 years old at the time, and while she had supported her mom at fashion shows in the past, this was the first time she went to a premiere.  Travis Scott & Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster Image Credit: FilmMagic Exes Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi Webster went on the red carpet with her parents when she was about 18 months old. For the premiere of Travis Scott: Look Mom I Can Fly, she looked so adorable, and again, her parents were beaming.  Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur & Vivienne Margaret MacArthur Image Credit: Getty Images for iHeartRadio Ali Larter’s children Theodore Hayes MacArthur and Vivienne Margaret MacArthur arrived in matching black looks for the iHeartRadio 102.7 KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball 2024. Theodore was 14 years old, and Vivienne was 9 years old. Alexis Ohanian & Serena Williams daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr Image Credit: WireImage Alexis Ohanian and Serena Williams’s daughter Olympia Ohanian Jr twinned with her mama in an all-black look at the 2021 AFI Fest. She was 4 at the time!  MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker Image Credit: Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic MGK’s daughter Casie Colson Baker made her red carpet debut at Nickelodeon’s 2017 Kids’ Choice Awards. She was about 7 years old here!  Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart Image Credit: Getty Images Pink’s daughter Willow Sage Hart made her red carpet debut when she attended the Los Angeles premiere of Disney-Pixar’s Inside Out with her mom. She just turned 4 here, and looked so adorable in her colorful dress!  Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean Image Credit: FilmMagic Back in Nov 2013, Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys’s son Egypt Daoud Dean twinned in red with his mama at the 10th annual Keep A Child Alive Black Ball. We’re getting cuteness overload here, and he was about 3 years old! Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter Image Credit: WireImage Beyonce’s daughter Blue Ivy Carter made her debut at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at only 6 years old, and she looked like a lil’ princess in this beige ruffled gown. Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault Image Credit: WireImage At only 4 years old, Salma Hayek’s daughter Valentina Pinault made her debut in an adorable red dress at the Puss In Boots Los Angeles premiere. Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser & Holden Fraser Image Credit: Getty Images Brendan Fraser’s sons Leland Fraser and Holden Fraser supported their proud papa at the New York screening of The Whale back in 2022. Holden (right) was 18 years old, and Leland (left) was 15 years old; they looked so dapper! Angelina Jolie’s twins Vivienne Jolie & Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt Image Credit: WireImage Okay, so all of Angelina Jolie’s kids made their red carpet debut as kids. But since her twins Vivienne Jolie and Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt are still kiddos, let’s talk about their debut. When they were about 9 years old, they went with their mom to the Breadwinner premiere on Sept 10, 2017. Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict Image Credit: WireImage Actress Tia Mowry’s son Cree Hardrict made his red carpet debut at almost 3 years old, rocking a lil’ floral shirt and white pants look. He and his mama looked so happy together at the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation’s 24th Annual “A Time For Heroes.”  Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict Image Credit: Getty Images for The Elf on the Tia Mowry’s daughter Cairo Tiahna Hardrict made her red carpet debut at just 1 year old, alongside her big bro at the screening of Elf Pets: A Fox Cub’s Christmas Tale. Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble Image Credit: AFP via Getty Images Christina Applegate’s daughter Sadie Grace LeNoble made her public debut at Applegate’s newly unveiled Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2022. She twinned in black with her mama, and was about 11 years old here, almost 12!  Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa & Lola Iolani Momoa Image Credit: Getty Images Jason Momoa & Lisa Bonet’s children Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa and Lola Iolani Momoa made their stylish debuts back in 2018 at the Aquaman premiere. Lola was about 11 years old here, and Nakoa was nearly 10.  Adam Housley & Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley & Ariah Talea Housley Image Credit: FilmMagic Adam Housley and Tamera Mowry’s children Aden John Tanner Housley and Ariah Talea Housley made their debut in April 2016 for the Safe Kids Day at Smashbox Studios, with both of them looking so adorable in their colorful looks. At the time, Aden was around 3 years old and Ariah was about 9 months old. Matthew McConaughey & Camila Alves McConaughey’s children Levi, Vida, & Livingston Image Credit: FilmMagic Matthew McConaughey and his wife Camila Alves McConaughey, along with all three of their children attended the ceremony honoring Matthew McConaughey with a Star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame on Nov 17, 2014. They made their debut at quite young ages. For instance, Levi was 6 years old, Vida was 4 years old, and Livingston was nearly 2 years old.   Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler & Sadie Sandler Image Credit: WireImage Adam Sandler’s daughters Sunny Sandler and Sadie Sandler made their adorable debut for Adam Sandler’s Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Ceremony on Feb 1, 2011. Sadie was 4years old here, and Sunny was around 2 years old; both looked so sweet in their iconic 2010s ‘fits. Elsa Pataky & Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha & Tristan Image Credit: Getty Images Elsa Pataky and Chris Hemsworth’s twins Sasha and Tristan looked so dapper in their dark suits, supporting their dad at the Sydney premiere of Thor: Love And Thunder. They were around 8 years old here!  Source link

[bayernteen]

Hi guys... 🥺

I haven’t had a chance to really think about my thoughts on the death of Liam Payne up until now. And the fact that social media has definitely failed him prior to his death, and especially now has really angered me, so this I really need to mention. 

First of all, I would like to send my sincere condolences to Karen, Geoff, Nicola, Ruth, Cheryl and Bear, and especially to the people around him who knew very well. I cannot bear to experience the amount the pain that they are going through right now. Having come from a family of whom I have lost my grandfather seven years ago, this pain will definitely sit with them for a long time, and my heart definitely goes out to them. But it is not just the close family and friends that are experiencing this huge loss, it is my teenage childhood that is mourning as well. I have been in love with One Direction since 2015, which may be odd because we all remembered that Zayn Malik left the band, and it may be also odd that we remembered that the band would take a hiatus a year later. But never would there be a time where we have to prepare for such a tragic event in our lives, than what happened over a week ago. 

I am not going to be explaining the realities of what life will be without Liam, nor explaining on if he was a bad person based on the things he did in the past, as many fans are pointing that out on social media, but what I will say is this: Liam was not just a band member, or a singer, or a celebrity, he was a humble person. He was a father, a son, a brother, and a true friend. He has been an amazing father to his son Bear, and now he will have to face the reality of seeing his father at his funeral, which is something that us humans wouldn’t wish to deal with at a young age. What really matters to us, is that Liam is a human being like all of us, and I feel that there were regrets already made about how we react to other people’s mental health, especially on social media. After seeing tons of negative posts prior to his death, this goes on to show that there is a lack of protection for his family members when they really wanted to grieve someone in private, and I’m afraid that if a celebrity passes away and bad things about someone’s life is revealed to the public, this will have a negative effect on their lives in the future. 

Therefore, I cannot stress this enough as I did many times in Formula 1 (and unfortunately there are some F1 fans who want to spread negativity towards others to this day). If we are going to be spreading a lot of negativity and conspiracies towards Liam’s family and friends, the One Direction band, or cause any harm towards the celebrities who honour him, then you’re in the wrong place for that. Now is not the time to abuse celebrities on social media because of their mental health, or their past mistakes, or their addiction to drugs. And unfortunately today, there are people today in the previous generation who are very unaware of the privacy that plays a role in our daily lives, compared to today’s generation. In the end, the negative thoughts that I have been seeing in the past week about his death is truly unacceptable, and in the end, not only the media needs to do better, but we need to do better. Yes, we do have our messy eras of life, and it may not be the way we wanted it to be, but right now we have to be there for his family, friends and fans, rather than cause harm towards each other. Let his family mourn in peace, not just during this phase and the funeral, but in the aftermath as well. We have seen that prior to Liam’s death, the negative comments has affected his life and his state of mind. Everybody may have an opinion to this, but one thing is for sure. It is always best to be kind. 

With that being said, my heart goes out not only to his family, but every single fan who is mourning for a true band member who knows what it means to devote his life to music. It is a shame that today’s fame has failed us at a crucial time in this era. Liam’s death has served us a reminder that life is too short, and that we need to enjoy today with our loved ones, because who knows what tomorrow will bring. I am proud of anybody who chose to respect his legacy, because in the end that is all he ever wanted. I wish that there was more time for him to show our support. I really wish there was. 

But for now, that is all I will say on my thoughts to honour his memory. Hopefully by the time I post this, life will be a lot better than what social media predicts, and that I should return back to my default factory settings where everything was positive and everyone was supporting one another. 

May your soul rest in peace, Liam. Fly with the angels! 🕊️🥺😢😭🌹❤️🖤

Take care! 👋🏽

[articlesofnote]

you're more than just money, baby

finally watched "Swingers" for the first time today. thoughts: 1) I feel pretty lucky that I didn't see it when I was a teenager; it would have been probably too influential on me, if I'm being honest. there's something about the strain of masculinity presented in the film that clearly seemed to inform the behavior of a lot of guys I know, similar in a lot of ways to "High Fidelity" - particularly that relationships with most women have to be, or are inherently, adversarial, and that as guys you gotta consume and dissect media in order to form a personality. clearly tumblr posts are far superior in this respect.

2) i am tempted to say that it is the movie I have seen that best captures the experience of what "Los Angeles" is like. "Los Angeles" in quotes because the actual experience of the place is not, in fact, like the movie. what Los Angeles, the real city, is like is... just a place, where many people do people things, albeit more often stuck in traffic than the global average.

but "Los Angeles," the hallucinated vision of possible celebrity and tantalizing opportunity, is flawlessly presented. "Swingers" shows what everybody who comes to Los Angeles expecting to find "Los Angeles" actually discovers: yet another place where they are still who they were when they left wherever they came from.

3) one of the main features of "Los Angeles" is that everyone there is trying their luck, taking their chance, shooting their shot; "what i had back home wasn't working for me, but enough people said enough nice things about my talents that maybe i have a chance ..."

with this in mind it seems meaningful, in a way that i'm not sure how to articulate, that the very first act of the movie is the two main characters driving on a whim to Vegas - not to actually gamble (their being in "Los Angeles" at all is the gamble), but to try on different personae

4) one of my favorite blogs has a series of posts about medieval bread production; introduced the first post is the concept of "banqueting your neighbors":

... [F]armers tended to build these reciprocal relationships with each other: I help you when things are bad for you, so you help me when things are bad for me. But those relationships don’t stop merely when there is a disaster, because – for the relationship to work – both parties need to spend the good times signalling their commitment to the relationship, so that they can trust that the social safety net will be there when they need it.

i was reminded of this in the scenes where the main guys go around to a bunch of different parties, clubs, and bars, to see and be seen; social recognition IS wealth in "Los Angeles"; meeting and remembering people and having them remember you, being lots of places and bringing people with you to many different places where they can be seen, by other folks, with you; by being visibly part of this demimonde - you are signalling the same kinds of things. vince vaughn's character, when present in a scene, seems to be the catalyst for food and drink and attention to be shared with the others he's sharing the scene with.

5) the ending is really, really good, which surprised me. i have a longstanding grudge against movies which undercut their own premises in the last few minutes (garden state!); i like thematic and tonal consistency, I guess. "Swingers" fuckin nails it: it's a deeper-than-expected film about shallow people, but it's conscious and consistent about how it portrays that shallowness, up to the very end.

[eartharoundsun]

Joe Biden continues using TikTok through the Election – The way TikTok becomes a new weapon for politicians to win Young Voters’ heart

Once shared on NBC News “A fragmented media landscape compels us to show up and engage voters where they are - even online. TikTok is one among the numerous areas where we make sure our content gets viewed by voters”, Joe Biden's re-election campaign plans on sticking with TikTok for at least a year afterward, despite the president signing legislation Wednesday that will prohibit the social media site statewide if its Chinese parent firm does not sell it within that time period (Monica 2024). Absorbing this news, it is interesting to realize how much this social media has “soaked” into our lives, way beyond entertainment purposes like dancing or lip-syncing, TikTok is now a powerful tool for political candidates to raise awareness among Youth voters. But have you ever considered its impact level on the election outcome? Well, I do! So let’s analyze Joe Biden’s TikTok campaign strategy to bring a new light on his victory in the 2020 US election and in a broader view, discuss the changing nature of politics in the digital century

Biden-Harris HQ – Professional identity is collapsed

Biden's official TikTok account – “@bidenhq” - premiered on Sunday amid Lunar New Year celebrations in China and Super Bowl 58 in the United States (Lora & Christina 2024) has successfully attracted nearly 354K followers and 4,6M likes. While “swiping” Biden’s TikTok content, I could not hold my admiration for his willingness to play and catch trends, especially considering that this incredible number's owner is an 81-year-old political man. If you do not believe me, just watch some of his videos! Biden-Harris HQ content strategy is just on another level!

Saving the polite and humane image for public speech, social media is all for fun! “Bashing, meme, funny, and a bit satirized” are everything you will find on Biden's TikTok account. Instead of posting humane content, the 46th President of the US focused more on the entertainment side by releasing dozens of posts that attacking past President Donald Trump, jokes about President Joe Biden's age, a Super Bowl ad including the Dark Brandon meme, and footage of campaign aides defending him from special counsel Robert Hur's remarks about his mental state. Too obviously, Gen Z freaking loves dramas, bashing, and mean stuff, so by giving us content that directly hit our interests, Biden has successfully created a trendy image that significantly helps him gain a positive attitude among the youth. And if you could not brainstorm how this jocose TikTok identity can affect the election outcome, please look at the 2020 US Election result: Biden won 60% of votes aged 18 to 29 and 52% of those aged 30 to 44 (Arit & Camila 2024)! Even if there is no clear evidence or focus research about social media's influence on election outcomes, without a doubt, I dare to assert that launching campaigns on Tiktok really gives Joe Biden an advantage in attracting support from young voters compared to Trump (oh well, Donald even wants to ban TikTok so just a guess, US teenagers hate him!). My statement is also strengthened when reading Seth Schuster – Biden’s campaign speaker shared about their social media strategy for the election on CNN: “The campaign is now on TikTok because frankly that’s where people are. Having a presence on TikTok gives us a chance to maximize the reach of the president’s vision”

And btw, Joe Biden is not the only politician who appears on TikTok, there are thousands!

Ken Russel – Florida candidate (411,8K TikTok followers), Jeff Jackson – North Carolina democrat (2.5M TikTok followers), and John Fetterman – Pennsylvania democrat (more than 240K TikTok followers) are some stand-out politician examples who actively use TikTok to engage with the young generation

Politics in the Social Media Century

Looking back, it is interesting to see how much the political world has changed to quickly adapt new requirements in digital time… Who could ever imagine professional people with humane speeches about how they will make society better we often see on TV end up appearing to be so funny and trendy on TikTok! Contrary to all my stereotypes about politicians that they are boring and theoretical individuals, these people know how to play different identities in specific scenarios to meet multiple generations’ interests. Just like Jack Lobel – Tomorrow's National Press Secretary for Voters used to say: “Young people have been excluded from the political process for decades. So we need to take every method available to get them into the process” (Arit & Camila 2024), Gen Z will become the future main voter source and if politic candidates want to engage with this group, social media is the key weapon. However, due to the entertaining nature of digital platforms (especially TikTok), candidates will need to play various identities to suit the Youth preference taste: from the professional image in public speeches to a clown on social media! After all, we could never know who will be the right choice based on some promises to decrease inflation or support minority groups, voters just rely on their instinct by voting for the person they have the most positive feelings for!

But please do not be fooled, social media can be both a source of interaction and an inviting environment for trolls. To yet, the Biden campaign's films have received responses supporting Trump, doubting Biden's mental competence, and advocating for a truce in Gaza (Arit & Camila 2024). Looking at the bad side, digital platforms also open new real spaces for criticism and negative feedback since “On TikTok, you have more personal contact with your supporters” – stated Kasey O'Brien, the Middle Seat director of texting and social (Arit & Camila 2024). Moreover, data privacy concerns will also be a huge problem for the digital political world

Conclusion – The Future of Politics

In my prediction, soon enough, every election campaign will be run on social media due to the growing reliance on digital platforms to get news, therefore, I would wish to see more meaningful content instead of mainly pure entertainment bashing videos at the moment. Furthermore, the more aspects of our lives depend on social media, the more concerns raised inside me. Humans always want to believe that we can control everything, but if anyone asks me the question “Social media and human, who is the controller?” Currently, I feel hesitate to answer…

Reference

Arit, J & Camila, D 2024, ‘TikTok offers opportunities, and risks, for Biden as his campaign reaches out to young voters’, CNN Politics, https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/14/politics/tiktok-biden-campaign/index.html

Lora, K & Christina, W 2024, ‘Biden campaign debuts official TikTok account, but app is still banned on most government devices’, CNBC, https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/12/biden-campaign-debuts-official-tiktok.html

Monica, A 2024, ‘Biden campaign plans to keep using TikTok through the election’, NBC News, https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/joe-biden/biden-campaign-keep-using-tiktok-signed-ban-law-rcna149158