#when i wake up i will add more
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on twitter, a viral thread started where people around the world shared their translations of “If I must die”, the last work of Dr Refaat Alareer also known as "the voice of Gaza". A beloved poet, teacher and life-long activist for Palestine, he was recently assassinated along with members of his extended family by a targeted Israeli air strike. His loss leaves a hole in the heart of palestinians all over the world.
Below the cut, I’ll be posting the translations of his poem, with links to the original posts. Unfortunately, tumblr limits posts to a maximum of 30 images. I will update when I can.
Arabic (Refaat’s mother tongue)
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2. Spanish
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3. Irish
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4. Dutch
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5. Greek
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6. German
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7. Vietnamese
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8. Tagalog
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9. Serbian
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10. Japanese
and the traditional japanese calligraphy version
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11. Nepali
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12. Tamil
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13. Bosnian
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14. Indonesian
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15. Romanian
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16. Italian
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17. Albanian
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18. Urdu
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19. Turkish
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20. Polish
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21. Norwegian
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22. Galician
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23. Swedish
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24. Jawi
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25. Bengali
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26. Russian
#probably one of the most beautiful threads to ever grace twitter's rotten husk of a platform#i really earnestly almost cried#when people say the world stands with palestine#they mean they speak with palestine as well#israel murders palestinian poets to silence their voice. their culture. their lifeblood#in response the world amplifies his voice tenfold#but what a loss#what an unforgivable loss#i hope it is some consolation to those who loved refaat that his words are now immortalised in languages all over the world#that he has united so many people in their pursuit of palestinian freedom#please please please feel free to add your own translations onto the post in reblogs#i just havent seen anything about this thread on tumblr yet#im just the messenger#palestine will be free#the words of refaat alareer will be immortalised#and his students will carry on his legacy#ah but it is almost 5am and i havent slept#when i wake up i will add more#free palestine#israel#refaat alareer#rest in peace
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"(Sigh) We'll continue this another ti- mmf?!"
With a guy like Jamil, you really gotta pick up the slack sometimes. No tie to pull on though, so I guess we'll just have to use that hoodie!
(Inspired by this artwork by オレコ on Pixiv!)
Bonus Jamil for the rest of the day:
#my art#twisted wonderland#twst#jamil viper#jamil viper x yuu#oc#twst oc#shiokawa mayu#jamimayu#this was well worth losing sleep for#when i say i locked in#ill probably add more tags later when i wake up but like#the moment i remembered that set of images existed the other day#i was like#wait thats them#i gotta redraw#cue a few days of me drawing basically nothing but this#enjoy their first proper kiss#and kabedon ig#girls who look shy but are actually really forward my beloved#if its not obvious she's pulling him downward in the last pic#gotta compensate for that height diff u see#edit: forgot his eye makeup in the last one literally unviewable#and some other small fixes
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NILLE BLAST
aaaa worked on these a while ago but!! i’ve got a pétronille design finally!! and it was nowhere near as daunting as i expected to be!!!! this was really fun to work on actually. don’t look at that leftmost doodle btw. it’s. Not Great (by my standards for myself at least).
aaaanyways. design notes and greyscale versions below!! most of this isn’t. super set in stone or anything? just Night Ramblings
in terms of colors she’s mostly just a Slightly Edited version of bonnie’s palette. the only noteworthy addition here is the blue (or. well. more like grey actually) i added to her shirt, hat, and waist wrap. no real reason here, i just thought it’d contrast well with her colors!!
i also kept her outfit pretty similar to bonnie’s! bonnie’s official ref mentions that their shirt is too big for them so! i think it’d be cute for all of their clothes to be hand-me-downs from nille🩶. i imagine she cares more about practicality than fashion, so her outfit’s pretty simple! breathable clothes she can move around in, a bag to hold her stuff, and a hat to keep the sun out her eyes.
generally went for more. blocky??? shapes here? i wanted to set her apart from bonnie! idk. not much to say here!
this didn’t affect her design That Much outside of the bandages on her hands, but she’s rock type here! it just Made Sense with her hammer. in hindsight i wonder if that influenced her design being more Square…
aaa you can probably tell i’m writing these while tired. sorry if these are even more disjointed than usual (somehow). here’s the greyscale versions!! thanks for reading and stuff!!
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#<- because. nille.#also yes. her hat and the bg really are the exact same value somehow#also didn’t mention this in the notes but. i Had to give her a braid#i just Had To. there’s not a design reason for that#also!! gave her sandals instead of boots like bonnie#since bonnie specifically points out how they wear massive boots. so i feel like it’s a thing they got themself#iii’ve got more thoughts but it is. 12:30 in the morning as of writing this#and this posts in like 30 minutes so i am! prolly gonna add more when i wake up tomorrow#please enjoy my nille ramblings heart emoji
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Togami Time! Byakuya Time works too but I like the alliteration of the first. Spoilers ahead of course!
For Byakuya's casual attire, I gave him that very standard rich man polo. I did spice it up a bit with a black, fairly slick turtleneck underneath that hugs his body. I decided to also have his polo tucked in for extra style points along with the addition of the belt. I like giving this man belts after all. Unless he's in his fancy pajamas, he's wearing a belt the majority of the time! And, of course, his clothes, though a bit basic in a way, cost a lot of money. Sorta honed slight bits from his bad ending attire oddly enough. It wasn't much but just that sorta sporty look in a way. I dunno what the jacket he wore would be called but it gives me slight sporty vibes. Thus, Byakuya's giving off some flamboyant golfer energy which, to be fair, he probably knows how to golf for the most part. For his business attire, I initially drew a more elaborate design (no worries. it'll be seen at some point!!) though I toned it down a lot more for work. He may be fashionable but he's also a man of practicality in many regards. Thus, he's got a pocket watch and a basic suit with some flairs. Specifically, I gave him some emerald colored brooches in his hair and on his tie, hinting back to how he likes the Scarab Brooch in game. After all, with age, I feel the main facets of his interests wouldn't change. The guy is still into those dark academia type stuff. Also, the gold elbow pads are just cus. I dunno. They might be a bit much but I felt a bit bad for just putting him in a suit at the same time! Some other bits I wish to mention about his business attire is that, though he does wear this for work, for my future AU, I see him working a lot at home as well! He's still quite involved with the Togami Conglomerate, but he's found a nice balance where he only needs to travel to other countries sometimes, not the majority. Byakuya deserves a break after all the stuff he went through both pre-tragedy, during the tragedy, and the clean up post-tragedy. That clean up is still occurring still (it's about a decade after dr3/the anime) so there's still work to be done. Byakuya has a bit less to do with the whole "helping to rebuild the economy thing" though since I like to think that, with his influence, he helps with that. Back to his work though, he mostly does this in a designated office area in his condo. He also does this in his mansion sometimes though crashes out into some of the other's places to work as well or just because he can. Speaking of that, though he does live in his condo, he likes to roam a lot and sometimes ends up staying over with the others. It started out as a one time deal before it slowly became the thing he does. His primary targets are Kyoko and Makoto in their apartment and Toko and Komaru in theirs. He does go to Hiro's place as well though to "make sure the idiot isn't causing trouble" and he also goes to Hina's too though less than Hiro's. He'd mostly just be in Toko and Komaru's place if he wanted to check up on Hina cus, though they are friends, the two still like to butt heads. Plus, in this AU, Hina doesn't even live that far away from Toko and Komaru anyway. I headcanon that they all live fairly close from one another cus they all still like spending time together. Thus, thems the rules in this AU. However, despite this man's resilience to not stay at his own damn condo, he's not mooching off of any of them... for the most part. He makes sure to repay anything, sometimes to an annoying degree like him making himself coffee in the morning and then just chucking money in their face before they can say anything. Either that or the man just goes and orders a fancy ass dinner while saying that he "ordered too much" which is just his weird way of showing that he cares for them all. That's not to say that he does that all the time. He understands fully that none of his friends are here for his money. The man can sometimes do it anyway out of habit though he's less bad with this than he was years ago.
For his body type, it's fairly basic, perhaps a little average. A little squishy in some areas which ironically makes him kinda huggable despite him still being aloof in nature. His slight squishy qualities are practically hidden to those who don't know him though. Besides, though he is squishy, that is not to say he should, by any means, be underestimated. He shares this quality with my Kyoko design in some ways (gotta love the togiri parallels) Basically, though he's not super muscular, he could still kick ass. Besides, I feel he wouldn't be one to try and get super buff and all anyway. He probably COULD gain some very good muscle though. He probably just doesn't want to. Additionally, I have him in slightly different glasses. For one, they are to differentiate him much more from his canon design. I also thought the chains would be cool and that the rounded frames would be a nice contrast to all the spikes I gave him in his hair. It also compliments his slightly softer appearance as well, being an older man as well pushing 30. Gives him more of a sense that he's got a bit of fallibility. That he's still a human at the end of the day! He also is a bit nicer with age as well though still Byakuya Togami of course!
Out of all the elements I changed about my favorite guy, I think my favorite aspect is his hair. So many cute tufts! Plus, I am a sucker for him having long hair. I also feel I made a good balance between making him look like he could totally pull off the Polaris thing again and having him still look like a guy. But also, he's a bit androgynous as well! Hope you all enjoy this loser's design! The next design will be very soon! (1) | (4)
#danganronpa#danganronpa art#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa au#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#thh spoilers#spoiler warning#their practically nonexistent but i'm leaving the warning here anyway cus why not. too lazy to edit out the blue text.#also i'm not kidding about the next character being soon btw. I am very much tired rn. it is 2am (almost 3am) when i posted byakuya#however the next character who's up is all done! i just have to go to bed and wake! then you will all see them very soon!#also since i must add this to some capacity. he mainly stays over with kyoko and makoto more than toko and komaru#it's mostly even though. and fun fact. i was initally just going to have him spend time with kyoko and makoto cus i am a sucker for the tri#HOWVER the tofu gods have struck me hard so i'm playing all sides now. though it's not like my form of shipping's that romantic#just byakuya being his aro ace self and worming his way into 3 people's hearts with his sassy aro ace charms. cus i say so#though i leave everything with room to just be a friendship instead of byakuya having 3 platonic life partners he hangs out with
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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In the Tower of Knowledge, There Lies a Tomb of Truth
Long after the Fall of the Golden Era, after the renunciation of the Calamities, and Era of Tranquility fell upon the world. In a tower, in the far lands where the old Blueberry Academy sat, a spire sits innocently at the center. A tower of Knowledge for only one cookie.
He travels up this tower. Passing the portraits of his time and of his kin now, but he has one spot in mind. To visit someone old.
The tower is illuminated in the flames of azul and sapphire, steps creaking with hesitation, and a chest constricting so painfully. The former Beast of Deceit feels great agony the closer he steps. Finding a door that opens to a corridor to a tomb only six people know.
The tomb carries a visage of an old king who was taken from his throne, forced in jaspers and yellow jewels and befalling to a raging fever that would lead to his demise. A king who was supposed to marry the Golden Empress became a domino effect to her downfall spiral into power and madness. Luckily, her "son" ended her life before she broke the foundations between Life and Death.
The King's true body is buried beneath the Kingdom of Soft Gold Rays, next to his beloved "lovers" had he been married to the Empress if he survived the fever. But alas, he did not get to marry any of his comrades. The embodiment of a Virtue stands before a mock tomb, staring at the glass coffin and looking up to the glass-stained window. A testament to him, the counterpart to this halo of an angel.
The former Beast knows that the two of them could have gotten along. The flames kiss his vision as he stares at the peaceful expression of the glass window. And although the eyes are closed, they impossibly open with a blinding light.
The sapphire cookie does not flinch.
He stares up, holding his head high then lowering it to bow. His frown unfurrows as he smiles softly, feeling the soul of the old Vanilla King appear like the glow of a halo behind him.
"Hello again... Pure Vanilla Cookie."
#My art#ao3#my writing#Pure Vanilla Cookie#Shadow Milk Cookie#CRK#fanfic#Cookie Run Kingdom#My first comic for my series#In Sickness and Never in Health#Technically this is a “sequel” if I ever decide to do it#Overall: proud of myself for this#Can you guess who's in the portrait?#Will add more to this lore when I wake up
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@hibiscuslynx YES HE HAS TATTOOS!!!!!!
here's the full ref sheet from. originally an au that's. erm. it's not dead i have reference sheets so it's clearly. alive.
i've posted the ur gay sketch before for sure 100% here it is again oops sorry
anyway, this has turned into my standard florida design :) this boy fuct up with ink!!! good for him
#DONT LOOK AT THE PANTHER OK. LOOK AT THE GATOR IN THE TOP LEFT INSTEAD.#idk where it's being put yet so i didnt. add it to the list but rest assured#he has that matching w louie :) gator bff tattoos forever#lune talks#wttt#wttsh#ben brainard#welcome to the statehouse#welcome to the table#when ppl ask me things#lune posts art#wttt florida#pr&bb au i miss u........i'm the one that killed u but i miss u#i dont always draw the septum and smiley but he does have them yeehaw#fitting his piercings in is hard esp the smiley it crowds his mouth grrgrhrhrghr#he has manic episodes and wakes up w a new piercing and is like.....sick i'm keeping it!#me too girlie me too#Dhdhfgdhfb THERE'S ALSO SOME STUFF I FULLY CANNOT POST ON THIS WEBSITE.#but if i ever get the courage. he does have a couple more piercings :///////#i went with the year juan ponce landed in florida bc. that's when the land was named la florida by. him i guess. spanish colonizers mhmm 👍👍#bc it was so flowery and pretty in april btw :) la florida the blooming flowers of spring awww#and since this is. the personification of la florida ig he would have been 'born' around then. in my head at least#old rotting corpse ass bitch#imagine being 500+yo and still bitchless
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Watched Wonka the other day and all I'm gonna say is Wonka/Ethan and Noodle/Hannah
DO YOU SEE MY VISION
#but more specifically#joey!ethan#hatchetfield#wonka 2023#starkid#black friday#nightmare time#ethan green#hannah foster#its 2am#i may add more to this in when i wake up#this movie has had me on chokehold for the last 3 days#please send help#its so sickeningly sweet#HAH#im so funny
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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Need to draw diluc suffring again smh, the bad feelings just hit me like a train again,
Double it and throw it at him
#gonna rant a little here smh#like they add me to a fucking groupchat and then go silent when i say hi???#WHY EVEN PUT ME THERE???#is it because they pity me or what???#my other friend messages after me and the convo immediately picked up again and#noone even said anything to answer me#am i just the pity friend that they added because they didn't want me tk feel bad???#i can sense when im not wanted smh#they should just make a gc for themselves if yhey wanna make plans and ignore me when i ask anyway#like 'yes this is a gc for us to plan the group hangout... and psy too ig'#like what's the point??? when i intiate i#the convo is so short and they more on to a difderent topic immediately#and when i wake up theres 99+ messages from them all night#we live in the same country- timezone and area#just tell me you guys don't want me there that would hurt less#psyscio rambles
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I listened to all versions of Chappelle Roan's 'Good Luck, Babe!' while writing an angsty scene for my royal hyuka series and it was so...
#*BREATHES* WHEN YOU WAKE UP NEXT TO HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NUGHT WITH YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN HIS WIFE#AND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO YOU'RE STANDINF FACE TO FACE WITH i told you so.#I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO🎤✨😭🎤✨😭🎤✨✨🎤😭✨🎤#iwayam fans y'all should be concerned 🫶🫶#muahhh what can i sayy i am one hell of a writer 🥰🥰✌️#hyukassubi.thoughts#hyukassubi.writing#should prolly add a tag that says 'zesty.subi'#I WAS WRITING (actually editing—) FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT DHKWGSKAUA
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urgh you know that post about "people who weren't abused don't wish they were abused"
I'm having a real fun night wrestling with that
#add these together real quick for me#high expectations plus high capability but executive dysfunction making me fail at school for 17 years 12 grades and one year of college#fucked sleep cycle bc i was recovering from school so late into the night that i rarely got more than 6-7 hours meaning i woke up sleepy#for all of high school needing to run to school to not be late so on top of waking up late I'm also exhausted when i get to school#having friends but no real close friends *in* school plus a bad relationship giving me serious abandonment issues#and dealing with parents and family that constantly Know Better Than Me especially when im being political#plus ADHD making it difficult for me to argue effectively or even converse for a long time bc i lose focus and space out way too easily#i don't. i. i just. urgh. i know i'm a bit of a basket case but i don't have to like it#...can't even cuddle my blahaj right now... hell world hell world hell world#i think i will simply try to cry. i say try bc i spent years suppressing my ability to cry bc i was supposed to Be A Man and Men Don't Cry#so that'll probably fail. but ill try anyway. and put on some music#then fall asleep and hope that i wake up feeling a little better#...i think im an optimist bc pessimism would kill me
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She had not trusted this world, this dream.
The companions who had walked with her, led her here.
The warrior-prince with pine-green eyes and who smelled of Terrasen.
Him, she had not dared to believe at all. Not the words he spoke, but the mere fact that he was there. She did not trust that he'd removed the mask, the irons. They had vanished in other dreams, too—dreams that had proved false.
But the Little Folk had told her it was true. All of this. They had said it was safe, and she was to rest, and they would look after her.
And that terrible, relentless pressure writhing in her veins—it had eased. Just enough to think, to breathe and act beyond pure instinct. She'd siphoned off as much as she dared, but not all. Certainly not all.
So she had slept. She'd done that, too, in those other dreams. Had lived through days and weeks of stories that then washed away like footprints in the sand.
Yet when she opened her eyes, the cave remained, dimmer now. The thrumming power had nestled deeper, slumbering. The ache in her ribs had faded, the slice down her forearm had healed—but the scab remained.
The only mark on her.
Aelin prodded it with a finger. Dull pain echoed in response. Smooth—not the scab, but her finger. Smooth like glass as she rubbed the pads of her thumb and forefinger together. No calluses. Not on her fingers, on her palms. Utterly blank, wiped of the imprint from the years of training, or the year in Endovier. But this new scab, this faint throbbing beneath it—that remained, at least.
Curled on the rock floor, she took in the cave. The white wolf lay at her back, snoring softly. Their sphere of transparent flame still burned around them, easing the strain ember by ember. But not wholly.
Aelin swallowed, tasting ash. Her magic opened an eye in response. Aelin sucked in a breath. Not here not yet. She whispered it to the flame. Not yet.
But the flame around her and the wolf flared and thickened, blotting out the cave. She clenched her jaw.
Not yet, she promised it. Not until it could be done safely. Away from them.
Her magic pushed against her bones, but she ignored it. Leashed it. The bubble of flame shrunk, protesting, and grew transparent once more. Through it she could make out a water-carved basin, the slumbering forms of her other companions.
The warrior-prince slept only a few feet from the edge of her fire, tucked into an alcove in the cave wall. Exhaustion lay heavy upon him, though he had not disarmed himself.
A sword hung from his belt, its ruby smoldering in the light of her fire.
She knew that sword. An ancient sword, forged in these lands for a deadly war. It had been her sword, too. Those erased calluses had fit its hilt so perfectly. And the warrior-prince now bearing it had found the sword for her. In a cave like this one, full of the relics of heroes long since sent to the Afterworld.
She studied the tattoo snaking down the side of his face and neck, vanishing into his dark clothes.
I am your mate.
She had wanted to believe him, but this dream, this illusion she'd been spun ... Not an illusion.
He had come for her.
Rowan.
Rowan Whitethorn.
Now Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, her husband and king-consort. Her mate.
She mouthed his name.
He had come for her.
Rowan.
Silently, so smoothly that not even the white wolf awoke, she sat up, a hand clutching the cloak that smelled of pine and snow. His cloak, his scent woven through the fibers. She rose to her feet, legs sturdier than they'd been. A thought had the bubble of flame expanding as she crossed the few feet toward the sleeping prince.
She peered down at his face, handsome and yet unyielding.
His eyes opened, meeting hers as if he'd known where to find her even in sleep.
An unspoken question arose in those green eyes. Aelin?
She ignored the silent inquiry, unable bear opening that silent channel between them again, and surveyed the powerful lines of his body, the sheer size of him. A gentle wind kissed with ice and lightning brushed against her wall of flame, an echo of his silent inquiry.
Her magic flared in answer, a ripple of power dancing through her.
As if it had found a mirror of itself in the world, as if it had found the countermelody to its own song.
Not once in those illusions or dreams had it done that. Had her own flame leaped in joy at his nearness, his power.
He was here. It was him, and he'd come for her.
The flame melted into nothing but cool cave air. Not melted, but rather sucked inside herself, coiling, a great beast straining at the leash.
Rowan. Prince Rowan.
He sat up slowly, a stillness settling over him.
He knew. He'd said it to her earlier, before she'd let oblivion claim her. I am your mate.
They must have told him, then. Their companions. Elide and Lorcan and Gavriel.
They'd all been on that beach where everything had gone to hell.
Her magic surged, and she rolled her shoulders, willing it to sleep, to wait-just a while longer.
She was here. They were both here.
What could she ever say to him, to explain it, to make it right? That he'd been used so foully, had suffered so greatly, because of her?
There was blood on him. So much blood, soaking into his dark clothes. From the smears on his neck, the arcs under his fingernails, it seemed he'd tried to wash some off. But the scent remained.
She knew that smell—who it belonged to.
Her spine tightened, her limbs tensing. Working past her clenched jaw, she inhaled sharply. Forced a long breath out through her teeth. Forced herself to work past the scent of Cairn's blood. What it did to her. Her magic thrashed, howling.
And she made herself say to him, to her prince who smelled of home, "Is he alive?"
Cold rage flickered across Rowan's eyes.
"No."
Dead. Cairn was dead. The tautness in her body eased-just slightly. Her flame, too, banked. "How?"
No remorse dimmed his face. "You once told me at Mistward that if I ever took a whip to you, then you'd skin me alive." His eyes didn't stray from hers as he said with lethal quiet, "I took it upon myself to bestow that fate on Cairn on your behalf. And when I was done, I took the liberty of removing his head from his body, then burning what remained." A pause, a ripple of doubt. "I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to do it yourself."
She didn't have it in her to feel a spark of surprise, to marvel at the brutality of the vengeance he'd exacted. Not as the words sank in. Not as her lungs opened up once again.
"I couldn't risk bringing him here for you to kill," Rowan went on, scanning her face. "Or risk leaving him alive, either."
She lifted her palms, studying the unmarked, empty skin.
Cairn had done that.
Had shredded her apart so badly they needed to put her back together again. Had wiped away all traces of who and what she'd been, what she'd seen and endured.
She lowered her hands to her sides. "I'm glad," she said, and the words were true.
A shudder went through Rowan, and his head dipped slightly. "Are you..." He seemed to grapple with the right word. "Can I hold you?"
The stark need in his voice ripped at her, but she stepped back. "I ..." She scanned the cave, blocking out the way his eyes guttered at her retreat. Across the chamber, the great lake flowed, smooth and flat as a black mirror. "I need to bathe," she said, her voice low and raw. Even if there wasn't a mark on her beyond dirty feet. "I need to wash it away," she tried again.
Understanding softened his eyes. He pointed with a tattooed hand to the trough nearby. "There are a few extra cloths for you to wash with." Dragging a hand through his silver hair, longer than she'd last seen it—in this world, this truth, at least—he added, "I don't know how, but they also found some of your old clothes from Mistward and brought them here." But words were becoming distant again, dissolving on her tongue.
Her magic rumbled, pressing against her blood, I, squeezing her bones. Out, it howled. Out.
Soon, she promised.
Now. It thrashed. Her hands trembled, curling, as if she could keep it in.
So she turned away, aiming not toward the trough but the lake beyond.
The air stirred behind her, and she felt him following. When Rowan gleaned where she intended to bathe, he warned, "That water is barely above freezing, Aelin."
She just dropped the cloak onto the black stones and stepped into the water.
Steam hissed, wafting around her in billowing clouds. She kept going, embracing the water's bite with each step, even if it failed to pierce the heat of her.
The water was clear, though the gloom veiled the bottom that sloped away as she dove under the frigid surface.
The water was silent. Cool, and welcome, and calm.
So Aelin loosened the leash—only a fraction. Flame leapt out, devoured by the frigid water. Consumed by it. It pulled away that pressure, that endless fog of heat. Soothed and chilled until thoughts took form. With each stroke beneath the surface, out into the darkness, she could feel it again. Herself. Or whatever was left of it.
Aelin. She was Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius, and she was Queen of Terrasen.
More magic rippled out, but she held her grip. Not all-not yet.
She had been captured by Maeve, tortured by her. Tortured by Cairn, her sentinel. But she had escaped, and her mate had come for her. Had found her, just as they had found each other despite centuries of bloodshed and loss and war.
Aelin. She was Aelin, and this was not some illusion, but the real world.
Aelin.
She swam out into the lake, and Rowan followed the jutting lip of stone along the shore's edge. She dropped beneath the surface, letting herself sink and sink and sink, toes grasping only open, cool water, straining for a bottom that did not arrive.
Down into the dark, the cold.
The ancient, icy water pulled away the flame and heat and strain. Pulled and sucked and waved it off.
Cooled that burning core of her until she took form, a blade red-hot from the fire plunged into water.
Aelin. That's who she was.
#Chapter 35#Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius#Aelin Ashryver Galathynius#Aelin Galathynius#Rowaelin#Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#can I hold you#Rowaelin moments#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#KoA spoilers#first read#read with me cry with me#read along#no spoilers please#pt 1 perspective#more notes spoilers quotes annotations etc. in the tags cause these are scenes that both made and broke me#real or not real. too lovely a dream to wish to wake up. but here he was. safe. home.#Aelin. That’s who she was. — Is. — Both Assassin and Blade - and forge#she was not afraid. she did not yield. she had endured.#that’s why she went to sleep because if she woke up he would not be there from the dreams but he stayed#she kept blinking so Fenrys could tell her because Maeve didn’t know that trick and still she stayed close to protect him#the dream she most wished for terrified her most the one without scars to believe or tell the lie the dream she didn’t want to wake up from#but she was so tired in the horror of it and false memories#there was nothing there of hers yet promises still made and kept she was forced to learn to control the magic yet she did#everytime they add consort it gets me — the channel wasn’t broken — even here it was — her mirror — not and glad and she meant it#she had to say it and it was silent yet still he heard it heard her his mate#their love language of revenge lol-&when she knew real cause not all was right — but she was here-he was with her-shes relearning & ready#the fact she’s protecting them from her magic even then-Rowan not asking are you okay knowing she’s not-her feeling guilty about the beach
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why would I actually learn a lesson for once if I can just repeat my mistakes
#I'm already in a more anxious state bc of this trip and bc this summer is full of (exciting and wonderful yet scary) changes and new things#and then I slept horribly last night bc the cats were being rascals and bc of travel anxiety#I love waking up once an hour thinking I missed my alarm and will miss my train#and then I had the glorious idea to add caffeine to that#when will I learn#bente rambles
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also im sure ive said this before but it bears repeating: tori + kawaikute gomen, hajime + doutan☆kyohi and aira oshi★goto
#(painstakingly goes to search where can i copypaste those specific star emojis from)#still havent successfully assigned sukicchuno and kawaiku naretara ii no ni but give me some time#need to read them more carefully#they're such good songs though#i love you chuutan#mar's midnight rambles#but back to the post for a second hajime is indeed a doutankyohi type of fan its Him#if this is less embarrassing when i wake up ill add the lyrics
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I love having a dedicated and aware dream alter like sometimes I just wake up with memories of a new superpower this dude's been at it for nearly two decades and still learns new tricks like last night he unlocked walking on air, which might not seem like much for a guy who can already fly in multiple ways, but the thing is walking on air, it turns out, is just a lot easier when it comes to things like taking off from ledges. But like it's like I'm just waking up Matrix style "I know kung fu" but it's instead of martial arts I'm just learning new superpowers that I don't actually have. Whatever they did that in the Matrix too.
#sfw#personal#ok to reblog#Teeth dream#less happy note is that the same dream reminded me how lonely he is in there. everyone he meets is an NPC.#he met mom in the dream and for a moment she seemed like a full person and he actually for once CHOSE to interact with an NPC#(dreams often have scripts he has to follow and thus he's forced to deal with them when he just wants to play with his powers)#but the moment didn't last and it became clear again that she was not sentient and he was disappointed but not surprised and he left#but just. for a moment. just one short moment I think he felt like he wasn't alone. he's used to it but damn he shouldn't have to be.#two decades. although I guess total dream time would add up to something closer to one year but idc which count is more accurate.#brain makes him to fight off nightmares and for a long time his reality was always waiting for the right moment to turn on him#he learned quickly that it was no use trying to talk to anyone because there's not really anyone there#the nightmares eventually go away but he's still there. doing nothing but dream. only experiencing the waking world through shared memories.#on rare rare occasions he gets little moments like that where he isn't alone...
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