#when i thought i'd might finally get better again of course i had to catch a cold on top of everything

[thereigning-lorelai]

i just want my energy back to create something. i've been sick for almost 3 weeks now and i can’t find any energy or motivation (or maybe even enough inspiration) to finish anything. i just want to feel better again. 😭

[bvidzsoo]

♡Boyfriend!Wooyoung♡

Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x female reader

TW: none

Word count: 678

Genre: fluff, comfort, established relationship, bullet points, non-idol!au

A/N: Hello, anonie, I see that you have sent the request to my other blog, which I use for rebloging my favorite works (something that I haven't been doing for a long time lol I have to pick up on it again) I'd like to clarify that I don't take requests, sorry guys, but I simply don't have the time rn and I usually struggle coming up with anything unless it's my own idea lol. And if you do send a request, it might take a long time for me to write it, my apologies. This story is in bulletpoints, just letting you know. Hope you enjoy it! ^^

it had been a long day

too long, actually

normally, tackling a long day of work and going to your Pilates class too wouldn't have made you so exhausted

but you were sick, very, apparently

you had spent the weekend up in the mountains last weekend, at your boyfriend's best friend's weekend cabin and it was rather cold

so naturally, you caught a cold

but life doesn't stop there, no matter how unwell you felt

you still had a job...a very demanding one, at that

and you had just picked up more shifts last week, unknowing of the predicament you'd find yourself in after your little trip

so now, by the time you had reached home at the end of the day, you had no power left in your body

your head was dizzy and you were grateful you managed to get home without crashing your car, but walking up the stairs to your apartment felt like an eternity, and it was horrible

as you fiddled for your keys, on the verge of tears as your whole body was burning up, you became aware of the music coming through the front door, and you boyfriend belting out high notes alongside it

and as you finally unlock the door and push it open, you're met with your boyfriend standing in the middle of the living room in nothing but an oversized t-shirt reaching past his naked thighs and knee-high socks he uses when playing football with his friends after a long working day

and oh, he's holding a wooden spoon, looking completely off-thrown by your arrival

he misjudged the time and thought you wouldn't be home for another hour

now you'd have to wait for dinner, and that's not how he had planned your date night to go

which was a surprise that Wooyoung came up with last minute

you stare at Wooyoung for a second, before dropping everything from your hands and kneeling, holding your head in your hands, tears finally springing from your eyes

Wooyoung is flabbergasted and immediately rushes to your side, dropping the wooden spoon on the small coffee table in the process

he's by your side in an instant, cradling your head to his chest as he presses a kiss to your forehead before he's wiping your tears away, making you finally feel at ease despite the headache, dizziness, and nausea you're feeling

Wooyoung is your pillar when you're feeling even the slightest bit off and he certainly understands that what you need right now are silence, a warm bath, and some painkillers, of course

and so just like that, he helps you up and walks you to your bedroom, leaves you on the bed to discard of your clothes and goes prepare the bath for you

and once you are done with the bath, feeling slightly better as your head isn't pulsating so much anymore, Wooyoung surprises you by bringing dinner to bed, of which you can't eat too much now, but it'll be good in the morning

and then Wooyoung gives you some water and you take the painkillers and before he could go and let you rest, you grab Wooyoung's wrist and offer him a small smile

and he understands without you saying anything

and so, he shuts off all lights in the apartment before joining you in bed, and because you don't want him to catch a cold, he becomes the small spoon as you burry your head into his back, holding onto him tightly

and suddenly all your worries melt away, and today doesn't seem so grim anymore

your head is still thumping, and your nose is still stuffy, and you think your fever is finally going down

but what matters most, is your boyfriend being by your side and humming quietly, tracing your skin gently with his fingers, your right arm resting around his torso, feeling safe

far away from the exhausting world and demanding assignments from your work

and you know you'll feel a lot better by the morning, all thanks to your lovable boyfriend, Jung Wooyoung

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[ilyasorokinn]

i know your requests are closed for now, but i thought i would send one in for when you get back because i think the idea is so cute and i dont want to forget it lollll

i was thinking freddy (trent frederic) being soft with his gf? like he seems so goofy and i feel like he doesn’t let his walls down in public, but would totally be a soft when it came to being a boyfriend and being in the presence of his s/o 🥰

anywaysss i hope you find your way back soon! we miss you! enjoy your break tho, take all the time you need 🫶

GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOYFRIEND

this was sent in during one of my earlier breaks... i'm just finally getting to all the old stuff in my inbox because i suck, but trust i will be getting to everything or at least mostly everything. n e ways, this is inspired by all those tiktoks of like golden retriever bfs in public looking around for their gfs and when they find them, they're all smiley :)

if there was something you learned about trent early on, it was that he got lost a lot. he would always get distracted by something in a store and would lose you. it happened more times than when he actually followed you around.

it especially happened a lot when you would drag him into a store he didn't want to be in. he loved following you around and helping you find new things, but sometimes he just wasn't in a shopping mood, so you couldn't blame him when he did get lost.

you were looking for some silverware for a friend who was moving and you wanted to alleviate some of the stress for her. the second you stepped into the store, you knew trent would wander off and find something more interesting to look at, and you were right. it took him all of 2 minutes to wander off and lose you.

you finally managed to find everything you were looking for and couldn't help but roll your eyes when you looked around your surroundings and couldn't find trent.

"trent?" you called out, but all you got were looks from the people around you, "geez, not again." you sighed.

trent, on the other hand, was standing in front of the kid's cutlery section, looking at all the little forks and spoons. he took pictures of a few different utensils, excited to show you later.

after spending a few minutes looking at all the cartoon plates and odds and ins, he started to get bored again. he decided you had spent enough time looking for whatever you were looking for, so he would try and find you and bother you until you got annoyed with him and decided you were done.

he wandered around the store, a few things catching his eye but he ignored it because he was on a mission: find y/n.

he started to get worried, but the look on his face made him look calm and collected. he didn't want to show anyone he was silently panicking. of course he had wandered away from you before, but this time felt different.

you weren't in a tiny little store, you were in a ain't department store with at least 4 floors and 30 different departments.

things weren't much better on your end. you had spent the last 20 minutes looking around the entire store for him. luckily, you turned the corner and spotted him.

his back was to you, but when he turned around, you got a better look at his face. he might have looked not panicked but you could see the crease in his forehead and the worried look behind his eyes.

you pulled out your phone and started recording him, wanting to get his reaction for when he finally did find you. there was a small group in front of you and his eyes quickly flicked between the entire group before they finally landed on you.

when he spotted you in the crowd, he couldn't help but let out a giant sigh. his shoulders dropped in relief and his eyes showed he was more than happy.

he quickly made his way over to you and you set your phone down, "i thought i'd never find you. i thought i'd have to live here." he joked.

"you have a phone, silly. you could've called." you reminded him, a smile on your face.

"i know, but i hadn't thought of it, for some reason." he scratched the back of his head.

you chuckled, "i have an idea, trent. how about, next time we go to a giant department store, don't leave my side."

"i like the sound of that."

"i'm gonna get you one of those backpack leashes. you wander off too much." you joked, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the cashier.

"okay, how about i just hold your hand." he rolled his eyes.

[skynapple]

Budding Romance | Ch. 6

Love and Deepspace | Jeremiah x MC / slow-burn / friends-to-lovers

warnings: none

Multi-chapter | A03 link

Beginning | <- Prev | Next ->

Jeremiah is dragged along and encounters some thistles.

Oh, Xavier would die if he were here. If only he could see me right now...

The night market was two blocks of Linkon City's downtown district, lined with booths selling trinkets, crafts, art, food trucks, and a few games that were easy enough to tear down and store away. They arrived at a themed booth that looked like it was representative of a popular toy brand he could have sworn he recognized. 

It was some kind of toss-in-a-hole game but with pebble-like stars that looked like they barely fit in the holes on the board. They stood in line and watched child after child try and fail, the angled edges of the stars often catching the edge of the hole causing it to bounce right out.

Jeremiah immediately failed to see how it was a two-person game. "So, how exactly is this two-player?" He said, always one to speak what he was thinking.

"Well, look how hard it is!" She deflected quickly. "If it was just me, I wouldn't have that many chances. But with you, I'll definitely have a better shot."

"Ok. But, why-" 

"NEXT!" The irritated teenager called out to the line, interrupting his thought.

She seemed to know what he was asking anyways. "Well, I also wanted to thank you for helping me the way you did before, maybe get you away from the shop for a little bit? I dunno..." She looked at her shoes, shyly. "And like I said, all my other friends were busy, so I thought, why not?"

It warmed his heart to hear her so sincere.

"I thought I'd mentioned before, no need to thank me. Any friend of Xavier's is a friend of mine. It's an honor to help out a Deepspace Hunter." He pretended to roll up his sleeve. "So don't you worry, ma'am. We'll definitely win this."

They definitely did not. 

Sure enough, their handful of stars each bounced right after the holes, try as they might.  "These stupid stars." She said, gritting her teeth bitterly as they turned away after both of their turns had passed. "Yeah!" He agreed, "I can't believe they made it like this! It's impossible." A familiar feeling settled in his heart. In a strange way, it reminded him of losing a wanderer fight. He turned to her, resolved as her own words to him from so long ago came back to him.

Sharpen your sword, Jeremiah.

He may have had no idea what the prize was, but he was not going to let her back down so easily. "What are we waiting for?" He nudged his chin towards the line, already hurrying to the back of it.

After an hour of playing over and over, the teen attendant felt bad and admired their persistence in being the only ones to try again and again. "Yeah, it's kinda rigged not gonna lie." The kid said with a wink and handed one of the prizes over. "It's day one. No one's gonna know if one's gone.

And so she'd finally obtained her prize.

"This is what you wanted?" He remarked at huge succulent thistle plushie that she needed both of her arms to hold onto. 

"This is the same one they have at my favorite arcade! But this one is Linkon limited edition and they only have it here! I'm trying to collect them all. I can't believe I got it!"

He laughed. "It's so cute! Glad I could be of service."

She buried her face in it, taking in the artificial scent. "Let's get a picture?"

"Yes!" He quickly agreed and slung an arm around her shoulders to take the photo with his phone.

"Can I post this?" She asked eagerly after admiring the selfie.

A wicked grin grew on his expression. "Of course!"

He was mentally preparing to tease Xavier when the feeling of her warm hand fingers clenched around his palm interrupted his thoughts. It lasted only a millisecond -just a quick squeeze, to say thank you- but it left his heart pounding.

"Thank you so much! I couldn't have done it without you."

"Oh-..." He stammered. What in the world? "No problem."

Suddenly he felt like it was the first time he really looked at her. Inexplicable emotions rising as he stared. Would the woman he'd known head have spent so much time attempting a plushie? Who would have been at her side then?

"Something on my face?" 

"Hmm? No. I was just wondering how in the world you're going to get that plushie through your door."

She laughed. "That's why it's squishy!"

Before he could say anything else, she was pointing out a food stall.  "After all that effort, I'm starving! Oh, and foods on me. No arguing. Everything here is so good. But you know what's really good here? You can get hot dogs dipped in fried potatoes. Have you ever had one?"

"I can't say that I have..."

Jeremiah had no idea what to think as he followed her, barely hearing her as she began to point out the other stalls over the thoughts swirling in his head. Part of him was pleased that he could spend so much time casually with her like this. It was a refreshing replacement to all the negative memories spent at war, and nice to be around her in such a joyous, youthful way. It was nice to feel like she was his friend again.

But she's not. She has no idea. I'm just a stranger. A friend of a friend.

Maybe if she knew who he was, he'd feel better about it. He'd know where he stood; he'd know his place with her. With this in mind, the other thoughts were about how jealous Xavier would be. While at first it was funny and he was never one to shy away from making him more jealous, he never actually wanted to get in the way of anything between them. For as long as he'd known the both of them, they'd only ever had eyes for each other and that was not something he felt like he could or should interfere with. A sinking feeling grew in his stomach that maybe this was too far?

No, this is fine. This is casual. If I was any one of her other friends, she'd be doing the same. Now he chided his racing thoughts. This is nothing. He can't be too mad about this. Just helping her out, like always.

"Any of those sound good?" She was asking. Even though she'd spent so much time listing all their options, he hadn't heard a single one.

"Well, my mind kinda stayed on the Korean hot dogs. What did you say, potatoes, huh?"

"Yes! Ok, you're going to love it. Let's get in line!"

He smiled. "Yes, ma'am! Lead the way."

This is nothing.

--

When he got home later that evening, he had half a mind to gloat to Xavier and send him the picture he'd taken, but hesitated.

He's going to kill me.

Right when his thumb hovered over his contacts, a notification from a new sender lit up on his screen.

Miss ma'am: [Had fun tonight :) thanks for the help! It got through the door!]

He pursed his lips together and thought long about what to reply. [Np! Had fun too.] Was all he was going to leave it at.

She replied less than a minute later. Miss ma'am: [Btw I need help tomorrow. My real succulent died :(]

[Send pics.]

Miss ma'am: [Its too dark rn. I'll pop by the shop tomorrow.]

He thought about it. [Closed tomorrow.]

Miss ma'am: [Oh ok! I'll send pics then.]

He thought about it some more. [I'll swing by?]

Miss ma'am: [That works!! Do you have Xavier's address? Same building. I can let you in.]

[Ya. What time?]

Miss ma'am: [Noon?]

[Kk!]

For a while he tried not to overthink it. It was just helping out an old friend, for which he felt he owed her a lot anyways.

...This is nothing.

[absolutewhore101]

Trying Again

A/N: wow it's been literal EONS since i've written anything !! decided to get back into writing with a little bit of angst, happy ending of course :) i plan on being more active over the coming months (which includes catching up on some requests), and starting to write for some new people ! much luv x

Pairing: Calum Hood x GN!Reader, Platonic!5SOS x GN!Reader

Summary: the way your relationship ended with Calum was rough, but you're finally ready to see him again.

Warnings: mentions of therapy, slight talk of mental health/depression, talk of isolation, negative self talk

Word Count: ~2.2K

Minors DNI

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ring. Ring.

"Hello?" You spoke into the phone, confused as to why Ashton was calling you so early in the morning.

"Morning!" He responded brightly. "How's it hangin'?"

You smiled at the cheeriness in his voice, picturing his smile from your side of the phone.

"Pretty well, I'd say, considering it's barely 8 in the morning. May I ask why I'm lucky enough to talk to you so early?"

He chuckled.

"I'm having a little get-together tonight, wanted to see if you'd like to come. I know you're not one to come to parties and whatnot but I figured if I gave you enough of a heads-up you might be more inclined to make an appearance."

You thought about it.

You really weren't one for parties, opting to stay in your house nowadays. Going to parties every weekend used to be your favorite activity, until... Well, it's been a few years, it couldn't hurt to go, could it?

"Oh. Thanks for the invite, Ash." You said, biting your lower lip. "Is uh, is he gonna be there?"

Ashton sighed through the phone. He knew about your history with Calum, it was hard not to when he was close with the both of you.

"Probably. I mean, he's one of my bandmates. It'd be kind of a dick move not to invite him."

He was right. He and Calum were thick as thieves, rarely spotting one without the other.

"I'll have to think about it. I'm not sure I'm ready to see him again."

"Listen. I don't want to be rude, but it's been 3 years. How long are you going to let this control you? I think it's about time you started taking your life back." Ashton said, receiving silence from your end.

Flashbacks of the memories between you and Calum played behind your closed eyes. You smiled for a second before you got to the fight. That one fateful night had been the reason you'd isolated yourself for months, refusing to see or speak to anyone.

It wasn't Calum's fault, really. You'd had thoughts about yourself like that for your entire life, but hearing someone else voice them, someone, you trusted? You couldn't come back from that.

The last 3 years had consisted of a lot of therapy, a lot of inner reflection, and a lot of time spent with people who knew better than to bring him up.

"I'll call you later, Ash." And with that, you hung up.

You walked into your living room, pacing back and forth, trying to block out the memory you'd tried so hard to erase.

"Oh, c'mon, we all know it's true." Calum's soft voice said, the noise of the party drowning it out and making it hard to hear.

"Know what?" You asked him.

"That you've never been good enough. It's quite obvious, I think."

You froze. What was he talking about?

"Cal?" You started, "what are you talking about?"

He looked over at you, immediately trying to fix what he'd done.

"No no no, not like that. You've always been good enough for me-"

"Then what the hell are you talking about? Why would you say that?"

"Baby-"

"No. I don't know why you said that or why you thought it was okay but I've fought for years to get past that and you have the nerve to bring it up? After everything you've seen me go through."

You tossed the remainder of the drink in your cup at his chest, tears blurring your vision as you made your way out of the house. You weren't sure how long you walked for, but at some point, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist as Luke dragged you kicking and screaming into his car.

He took you home and watched your breakdown in real-time. He thought about leaving a few times before you stomped off to bed but decided he would rather stay and make sure you didn't do anything you'd regret.

That was the last time you'd seen Luke. You couldn't even look him in the eye anymore, even if it's been 3 years. He saw a side of you that you'd hidden from the world, and you couldn't take that back.

You wiped the tears off your face, pulled out your phone, and called your therapist.

-----

One long, advice-filled talk later, and you were getting ready to head over to Ashton's.

I'll be there.

Ashton pulled out his phone at the quiet ding! it let off. He read your text, immediately walking into the other room to tell the guys.

"Good news, guys, Y/N's going to be there!"

Michael's head snapped over to look at Calum, Luke's jaw dropped, and Calum couldn't look at any of them.

"How'd you pull that off?" Luke said. ""I mean, god, I haven't seen them since... and that was how long ago?"

"3 years, 2 months, and 13 days." Calum said quietly, trying to remain composed.

Silence fell over the room, no one knowing what to say.

Calum was the first to leave, and the rest of them decided to call it a day.

-----

The party started at 6, but you needed a little more time to compose yourself.

You walked up the steps to Ashton's house at 6:45, taking a few moments to prepare yourself.

Pushing the door open, you were immediately met with a sight all to familiar; bodies crammed together in a space too small, red solo cups in hands, and music blaring from speakers somewhere in the room.

You pushed through the crowd, hoping to spot Ashton before anyone recognized you.

"Y/N?" A voice said from behind you.

Just my luck.

"Hey, Luke." Turning around, you could almost cry at the sight of him. He'd changed quite a bit since you'd last seen him, as had you, so you both spent a few seconds taking the other in.

Luke couldn't get another word out before your arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a long-awaited hug.

His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close.

"No way, is that Y/N?!" An excited voice called.

You pulled back from Luke, barely wiping your tears before Mikey pulled you in for a hug.

You laughed into his neck, elated at seeing him again.

"Oh, my god! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Mikey."

You pulled back, getting a good look at him.

"Do either of you happen to know where Ash is?"

"Yeah, I think he's in the backyard," Luke said. "But I, uh, I also think he's out there."

You nodded, giving them a small smile as you walked to the door to head outside.

Taking a deep breath, you slid the door open, scanning the yard for Ashton.

When you finally spotted him, you took in who was surrounding him, none of which were Calum.

You walked over to him, ignoring the looks and whispers as you did, and met him in a hug.

"I'm glad you came." He whispered to you.

"Me too."

He pulled back first.

"You haven't seen Cal yet, have you?"

You shook your head. "No. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I do."

"It might be difficult, but I think you should talk to him. Not forgive him, not take him back, but I think it would help both of you to talk about what happened."

You barely had time to process his words before Calum caught your eye. All the muscles in your body tensed, white noise filling your ears as everything around you went silent. Closing your eyes, you tried to keep it together.

Ash placed a hand on your shoulder, bringing you back to the moment.

You met his eye, swallowing at the small nod he gave you.

You gave him as much of a smile as you could manage before you turned and started walking in Calum's direction.

Calum met you halfway, both of you standing a few feet apart in the middle of Ashton's backyard.

You weren't sure how this was going to go - who would talk first? What would they say? Should you stay here or go somewhere else?

Questions swirled around in your head but you knew what you really wanted. What you really needed.

Without thinking of the consequences or the memories, you reached out, wrapped your arms around his neck, and pulled him into a hug.

His arms immediately wrapped around your waist, holding you as tightly as he used to, like he was afraid to let go.

Minutes went by as the two of you stood there, but you didn't care. As much as it hurt to see him again, nothing would ever compare to the feeling of being in his arms.

You pulled back, both of you wiping tears away, and spoke before he got the chance.

"Before you say anything, I want you to know that I forgive you. You might not think you deserve it, and for a while, I didn't think you did either. But I've done a lot of healing, and a lot of therapy these last few years. And I need you to know that I forgive you for what you said."

He nodded, attempting to process what he was hearing. He never thought he'd see you again, let alone speak to you, so to hear you say you forgive him was something he thought he'd only hear in his dreams.

"I..." he started. "God, I never thought I'd hear that. And you're right, I still don't think I deserve your forgiveness. I was a dick, and I never should have thought that let alone said it. But, fuck, I've missed you so much. I didn't know what to do with myself for the longest time. I was skipping rehearsals and writing sessions, and I was blocking out the only people who could help me. You were the only thing I was living for at one point, and then I lost you."

His words began to sink in, and the overwhelming urge to comfort him washed over you.

"I know you say you forgive me, but I'll probably never forgive myself. All I ask is a chance to prove to you that I'm sorry. Because I am so, so fucking sorry."

You held his eye contact for a few seconds before you slowly began nodding your head.

"We'll have to go slow. It's going to be hard for a while, and I really need you to try. For me. But I think... I think we can give it another shot."

"Yeah?" He said, smile beginning to take over his face.

"Yeah." You said, smiling back at him.

He picked you up, spinning you around as you laughed into his neck. He put you down, resisting the urge to lean down and connect your lips.

The boys watched this happen and knew that one day, it'd be back to how it was. The hardships and the heartbreak would be gone, and it would be the two of you again.

How it always should've been.

-----

5 months later

You walked through the doors of the recording studio, making your way back to the room that the boys typically hung out in during their lunch break.

Walking through the familiar halls was surreal, and you took your time, looking at everything that you hadn't seen for nearly 4 years.

You knocked on the open door, catching the attention of the boys.

Confused looks came from Luke and Michael, but Ashton just smiled.

"Hey! What's this?" Calum said, getting up and walking over to you.

You smiled as he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.

"I thought I'd bring you lunch." You said, watching as his eyes lit up.

"Oh, you're truly the best. What would I do without you?" He said, still smiling.

The two of you glanced over his shoulder to see the smirks on the rest of the boys' faces, and Calum immediately ushered you out.

"Let me walk you to your car, yeah?" You snickered at his protectiveness, waving at the boys but allowing Calum to lead you.

Stepping outside, Calum walked you all the way to your car as promised. You leaned against the side of it, looking up at Calum as he stood in front of you.

"Thank you." He said.

"Of course." You responded. "Gotta keep you energized to deal with those three."

He laughed, and you soaked up the sound, bathing in the happiness that radiated off of him.

He opened your door, muttering a quiet "yeah yeah yeah" as he did so.

"I'll stop by later?" He asked you.

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Of course. I'll be waiting."

He smiled, waving at you as you pulled out and began to drive away.

He walked back into the studio, preparing himself to face the guys again. The smirks on their faces said enough.

"Shut up." He said, sitting down in his spot and digging into his food.

"No one said anything." Luke said, holding his hands up in defense.

Laughter sounded around the room, and they all watched as Calum couldn't wipe the smile off of his face.

"I'm glad they're back, mate." Michael said.

"Yeah, I can tell how happy they make you." Ashton said.

Calum blushed, ducking his head.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm really happy."

[blackbloodteeth]

"The Whole Week"

For SoMa Week (2023) I ended up thinking of a genuine outline for what started as a joke idea I literally called The Whole Week, which would've featured every prompt over the course of an actual week. While I didn't write any of it up proper, thought I'd share what I'd come up with at the time in case it interests anyone. For additional context, this is a post-manga story.

————

[Devotion] Sunday: During a mission, Soul and Maka are attacked by two monsters, which results in Maka being controlled by one of them to attack Soul. He gets hurts but eventually finds a way to snap her out of it, and together the two strike back. One of the monsters is defeated but the other (who had previously controlled Maka) uses a charged-up attack on Soul that doesn't seem to do anything. It then swears they'll meet again and runs away with the other monster's soul. Soul then seems to be a bit unwell so the two return home. Soul is checked on and he appears to be overall fine, just that he will need to rest. He promises though that he recovers fairly quickly to reassure her.

[Love Language] Monday: Soul takes the day off to recover since he's still not fully well, and is laying on the couch while Maka prepares to leave for school. Both his having not slept well and some odd behaviour makes her worry but he plays it off. After she leaves it's revealed he's had a disturbing nightmare and that yesterday is still bothering him, but all-in-all he decides that he might just be worrying too much. Eventually he leaves the apartment to find a way to show Maka not to worry about him and is joined by Blair. Meanwhile Maka decides to ask Tsubaki for help to cook Soul something nice for dinner so he'll feel better, and the results of both avenues come together later that evening. Afterwards the two watch a movie together and Soul falls asleep on Maka's shoulder when his exhaustion catches up to him, leaving a sense that everything is okay for now.

[Flustered] Tuesday: Soul is feeling well enough to go to school today, however trouble with his Fan Club ensues. I'm not sure how exactly this plays out but Maka understands it's not his fault. At some point there's more foreshadowing to Soul's nightmares.

[Night Out] Wednesday: Due to both the nonsense from yesterday and the growing issue Soul has been experiencing, Soul decides to take a walk with Maka that evening to help calm his nerves until he can finally work up actually talking about it. Before he can actually tell her though, the monster from a few days ago suddenly reappears as foretold (this time having gained a more powerful form due to absorbing the other monster's soul), and activates the attack it used on Soul to reawaken the Black Blood that'd been sleeping in his innermost subconscious. Soul then attacks Maka and ends up infecting her, and Black☆Star shows up to try to take down the monster before using his Soul Force attack on Soul to knock him out of his mad state. While Soul is down, Maka punches the monster hard enough in the face to break its nose, and when it unleashes its full power on both of them Kid soon shows up and stops the chaos entirely. Maka eventually calms down enough to help Soul.

[Vulnerability] Thursday: Soul is bedridden in the infirmary today both for the attack Star inflicted and the Black Blood having re-entered his body. Maka has recovered well enough to move but wants to stay with him, and he decides to pick up from last night and be open with her about everything that's happened. After the two have talked for a while, the Thompson sisters come in to visit, with Patty bringing him a support stuffed animal because while it's not fully stated, everyone does know him being reinfected is pretty serious (Liz would've brought him snacks but he can't eat much for now). There's some lightheartedness though, and I'm not sure if there's any other scenes afterwards.

[Yearn] Friday: Soul is doing better but he's staying home again today. He convinces Maka to go to school since she's feeling well enough, which she agrees to since Blair will stay home and help take care of him (such as being a cat and cuddling with him haha). While the two are apart they have their own separate angstings, Maka worrying about Soul being reinfected while Soul is dealing with Oni being in his head again. Blair ends up making Soul some nice soup and Maka gets reassured by the rest of their friends. At the end of the day the two are happy to see each other, and Maka makes dinner again while her simply being there makes things better for him.

[Close Call] Saturday: Soul is feeling good enough to move around, so Kid hosts a little get-well party for him. I'm not sure what transpires for it to match the prompt, but at least it'll be shown that despite however much time has passed they're all still a bunch of goofy idiots. So basically the mood is picking back up here.

[Mom's Spaghetti] Sunday (again) A reflection of all the previous other days. Not sure what happens exactly other than maybe the two are thinking about things. For dinner though Soul decides to make Maka a spaghetti recipe that his mom was rather particular about (especially since he was kind of a picky eater as a kid), as both a way of saying thanks for everything and that he can keep moving forward with her. Perhaps the two have a little bit of feelings too, hm.

[oboetemasuka]

Order of Attack (part 7)

And the visits conclude. Amane finally returns! I'll add parts 6 and 7 to AO3 later today.

New content warnings for sleep paralysis and suffocation.

Depending on how you judge it, this part could be more intense than part 1 (the initial attack) and/or part 3 (the medical care). Namely because there's no discretion shot this time.

Let me know if I need to add more warnings. Am I still in bounds for a teen rating? Does this go beyond canon-typical violence?

It's all because I had a bout of sleep paralysis the morning before I wrote this...

(I wrote all the names down with the surnames first, and then I had to flip the order when I typed it up to be consistent)

-

Fuuta opened his eyes to a much redder cell. He didn't think it was strange for whatever reason. But Shidou wasn't there. Probably checking on Amane. He's finally left me like I thought he would. Fuuta tried to turn his head, but it wouldn't move. Huh? He tried his right hand. No luck. Suddenly, he was worried that the position of his neck was cutting off his air, but he just. could. not. move.

The door rattled. Was Shidou coming back? Hurry up and help me. Please… I can't breathe…

Or was it Amane this time? He hoped it was Amane. He got the feeling that Shidou had been trying to keep her away from him ever since she approached him without an eyepatch. Sure, it was off-putting to see her misaligned, unmoving eye, but it wasn't like she was going to do anything to him.

Fuuta was so lost in thought that he didn't catch who the figure was until the red glare bore into his eyes. Kotoko.

"Fuuta Kajiyama. You managed to evade judgement once." 

Evade? What the hell is she on about? She did a damn thorough job. 

"If only Amane Momose hadn't walked in when she did. Then I could have ensured that you'd never wake up again." 

You shut up about Amane… he wanted to say, but then Kotoko leaned in, putting all her weight on his ribs. The broken bones dug into Fuuta's lungs, and he tried in vain to scream.

"Of course I had to deal with Amane before she could alert anyone and put an end to my justice. Besides, Milgram had declared her unforgivable too, so I was just taking the opportunity to get my work done sooner."

She's just a kid! Why would you break her like that?

As if reading his thoughts, Kotoko continued, "I wasn't going to spare her just because she's a kid. You would know a thing or two about that."

How did you know… I didn't even mean for that girl to die!

"I'd say we are just the same, except the warden has forgiven me and not you. Unlike you, I seek out evildoers rather than hiding behind a screen like a coward."

That's right… I'm a coward… but at least I wouldn't have gone up to that girl and… and…

Fuuta's vision fell into a blurry haze. Kotoko's words dissolved into faint echoes.

"The world will be better off without scum like you. Goodbye, Fuuta Kajiyama."

…

"Fuuta Kajiyama." Upon hearing those words, Fuuta opened his eyes and gasped. A pain shot through his chest, much more real than what Kotoko inflicted on him. Oh, that was just a dream. Would Kotoko have really said those things? As the real world regained its shape, Fuuta found a green form hovering over him.

"Oh… just you… again…" He had never been more relieved to see Amane, but he couldn't let her know that. "Why… just to pity…"

"I'm just observing. Like usual." She was wearing the eyepatch this time.

"Your eye…"

"Oh, this? If it keeps Shidou Kirisaki away, then I'll wear it. So be it."

Fuuta was at a loss of words for once. What could he even say to this girl who was suffering because of him? She might never see out of her right eye again, all because she went to visit him that day. If she hadn't, she would have been completely out of the way. Out of Kotoko's line of attack.

Amane was babbling again, but Fuuta could tell she cared. She still cared. If he had been in her place, he didn't know if he could bring himself near anyone who was linked to such a traumatic event. And he knew she wasn't visiting because she felt bad. She was always direct. She could be rather confusing at times, but at least she wasn't mincing words around him. If anything, she seemed to have become more curt since the attacks. Speaking of words… what was she talking about right now?

"…reject his evil work. You don't have to depend on him. It's not… too late to change your ways. To shed those bandages. We can be good together-"

Never mind. She was spouting nonsense again. Fuuta closed his eyes and tuned Amane out.

Eventually, Amane's chatter died down. She put a hand on Fuuta's shoulder and whispered into his ear. "I believe in you." Then she headed out.

[journeywynter]

Nowhere I'd Rather Be

Pairing: DreamWasTaken x GN!Reader (romantic)

Category: Fluff, a little angst maybe?

Word Count: 1,688

Warnings: Self-doubt, mentions of hate on the internet but never any specifics, a lot of dialogue; I didn't mean to make this all talking but that's kind of what happened, kisses

Summary: Dream has always been confident, not one to let internet trolls damage him too bad, or at least that's what he'd like everyone else to believe. When it all becomes too much, he turns to the one person he's sure can help him, having gone through something similar themself.

A/n: This is my very first fic, I've debated writing one for years and finally decided to just go for it, I'm not used to what I should be putting as warnings and such so if you catch anything that might have slipped my notice, please tell me! I hope you enjoy!

----------------------

"How'd you get through it?" I must've looked as confused as I felt because he was quick to add to his statement, "the hate you received online, I mean."

"You guys," I stated back like it was simply obvious, and to me it was. "If you could believe that you guys were serious, or perhaps just the right amount of unserious about the situation, to help me through it." Based on his incredulous look, however, I would assume it might not have been so cut and dry as I thought.

"I'm being serious. At first, it really did get to me, as you might have noticed." I let out a breathy laugh, humorlessly as I ran my hand through my hair. A nervous habit I picked up after I dropped the whole biting the inside of my cheek one. This one doesn't cause me any accidental pain but it does ruin any chance of a good hair day. "It was hard in the beginning when I didn't know myself enough to choose what I knew was true and what was not. I started believing things about myself that I knew deep down weren't real but then I thought, how can they be saying it and not speaking the truth? Why would they be saying it if it was fabricated with no true foundation to stand on? They must have seen something in me that I hadn't even seen before, right? Because these internet strangers had to know me better than I knew myself.

"Then I closed my phone, turned it off completely, and refused to turn it on for a while. I let myself calm down, let the emotions ride their course through me, and then came back to the situation with a clear head. I reevaluated everything through facts rather than emotions. Those people on the internet, they don't know the first goddamn thing about me. Do you know who does, though? Sapnap, my best friend since I was five. George, who I met through you but has since proved every day to me that he's there for me no matter what comes my way. My sibling that has known me and stuck by my side every day of their life. You, arguably my favorite person. Someone I didn't expect to ever have but you managed to squeeze your way into every aspect of my life, unapologetically. And I'm not sorry that I've let you.

"You guys are what matters. Why would I care about the opinions of people who see nothing but what I carefully handpick for them to see when I have you guys? People who have seen every single thing, the good, the bad, and the dirty depths of myself that disgust even me. Yet you all chose to stay. You all found something redeemable in me that I couldn't have found in myself no matter how hard I looked. And I love you all, I do the same for you all because you matter to me. If I wouldn't give the pigs hiding behind their screens the same treatment that you've given me, then they don't matter enough for me to care what they think of me. I'm dead serious when I say you guys have helped me in more ways than possibly imaginable. You guys are what got me through it. God, that was cheesy. Never let me talk this deep again." I joked to lighten the mood, hoping at least some of the tension would disperse in turn.

For a few beats, I'm met with silence. His eyebrows knit together and he purses his lips. His eyes squint as he glares over my head at the wall, an obvious sign of his deep thoughts. His face scrunched up and his fingers twiddled with the rings that adorn his hands. A couple of which I personally handpicked myself for him, each matching a different aspect of him that makes him who he is. If asked, he would tell you he isn't a jewelry person yet he wears each piece that I get him like they're invaluable.

"Yeah, I get it. Sometimes I think I just need to be reminded of what matters. It just gets in my head every now and again. I just lose myself in it sometimes, I guess that's inevitable since my job, and my life is on the internet. It's basically mandatory for me to know what's going on in the lives of everyone else as well as what people are putting out there about me. It's hard and I try my best to be okay with it, my anger hits and I reply to some comments which only adds fuel to their fire."

Looking up at him, staring directly into his eyes, I can recognize some of the same things I felt myself when in his position, the doubt, the anger, the sadness. It's raw, the only part of his face that shows just how much it gets to him when the rest of his features relax as he puts up his front once again. If I hadn't spent so much of my time getting to know all his mannerisms personally, I wouldn't be able to have noticed how bothered he truly is; what with his figure leaning into the couch, legs separated in what would be deemed the 'manspread', the epitome of confidence embodied in human form. One hand slung over the back of the couch, one resting aside his head but slowly reaching down to scratch at the stubble on his chin. His messy dirty blonde curls swept over his face, brushed slightly out of his eyes after his cat beanie flattened it down. I know it's all a rouse. He's imperfectly perfected, carefully sculpting each part of himself to seem effortless when in reality, it's anything but. I can only imagine it's a defense mechanism he built and perfected for himself after his quick rise to popularity. It's unhealthy, bottled emotions tend to lead to bigger outbursts, but maybe he never felt he truly had someone to show this to.

"I don't have all the answers and the way I deal with it might not be the best way for you to deal with it either. What I can promise you, however, is that you've got a big support system behind you. Sapnap will always be there, he will be a shoulder to cry on, a distraction, or anything in between, it doesn't matter. He's so willing to return the favor that you've done for him, no questions asked and no form of repayment expected.

"George may not be the best with emotions himself but that doesn't mean he'd be useless. He's great at listening and he'll make you some tea or something as well as some food and he'll keep you company. Acts of service might possibly be the way he expresses his love the best. He cares, he just doesn't always know the best way to show it. And you know what, while it might not have been to our extremes, they both have gone through it. You have two extra people here who understand it better than the average person and are more than happy to help in any way you need.

"And you have your mom and your sisters' support for sure. They believe in you wholeheartedly. I don't think I've ever seen so much love pour out of anyone before in the way they do for you. They might not get it, and they might not need to. Just being there might be enough. It will bring you comfort, bring you peace, and remind you that you do have a home, at the end of the day.

"And you'll have me for as long as you let me. I'm not leaving, I'm here for good. You'll have to force me out that door and tell me how you never want to see me again before I'd ever willingly leave you behind. Even then, I believe you have such a tight grip on me I'd just end up waiting around for you some more. You're it for me. I want to be there for you."

His bright green eyes, dulled slightly from his own thoughts of self-hatred that he's kept locked up in his own mind for far too long, take the time to scan my face in search of any signs I might be lying through my teeth as if I would have any possible reason to try to deceive him. They stop on my own, windows to the souls, the eyes are. I never really thought much about it before meeting Dream but ever since I've noticed his eyes have told more than his voice ever would and that's when I really started understanding the saying.

When he finds no sign of any dishonesty, his eyes begin to soften, the tenseness that's been sitting in them since the beginning of our conversation finally leaves and I notice how his shoulders unwind ever so slightly. I reach out to him, one hand grabbing the hand that was resting on his face as I run gentle circles over his knuckles and the other cups at his jaw. I can tell he's in his own head still, really registering all that's happened. I allow him this time to sort himself as I place gentle kisses along his jawline, his slight stubble brushing against my lips.

As if not being able to trust his voice, he instead brings his free hand up to cup the back of my neck, fingers twisting into my hair ever so slightly as he pulls me forward, his lips just almost brushing over mine before looking at me, asking silent permission which I grant with a gentle nod.

When our lips connect, it's like the first time all over again. It's slow but just as passionate as any other kiss we've shared. Showing me how much he loves me when his words fail him. I only hope he's able to feel the love I have for him as well.

I might not know everything, but I do know that this right here, there's nowhere I'd rather be.

[krikeymate]

I have a weird idea I can't seem to get out of my head for some reason I'd though I'd share it with you. For the most part, people with mental illnesses are usually more creative or have more creative outlets, right? So what if when Sam left, she was on a mission to get better not just for herself but for Tara as well. She knew she needed help she started seeing things years ago, but Christina was no help. (She might have even thought it was a good thing because it made her like Billy. I can even imagine that after she found out, she started leaving her alcohol in plain sight to see if she would drink to quiet the voices like Billy did.) Thankfully, Deputy Hicks and Mrs. Meeks-Martin said they would look after Tara, and both told her to keep in touch and that they would be there if she needed them.

Sam struggled through getting sober and finding help for her mental health, but she managed to keep going. One of the things that she found she loved through it was art she loved escaping into different worlds anywhere that wasn't where she was. It helped her escape and forget how hard things where.

Someone notices her drawings and asks her if she could draw his dnd character or someone from a story he was working on she does because she's broke, and he said he would pay her. He loves it and posts it. A few other people ask for similar drawings. Eventually, she falls into a creative crowd that introduces her to a bunch of people working on different things. She learns to make illustrations for smaller indie media, and it's a nice hobby and way to make extra cash. One day, she gets a message from someone who said they say a few of her drawings and asked if she would be willing to make a few different covers for a story. Not thinking much of it, she said yes, next thing she's getting contacted by a large publisher asking to use one for the cover of a new book series. She ends up being asked to design more covers and illustrations from different publishers and can finally start saving up for when she went back home.

She becomes a popular freelance artist. Sam even has a few fans from a comic she worked on with friends. She uses the artist named Sam Soto since part of her is scared Christina would find her and ruin everything, and because her grandmother was her favorite person after Tara, so she used her last name to remember her. She's thankfully for that choice after all the theories start gaining traction.

Just before the attacks She was getting ready to reach out to Tara she finally felt stable and safe. Just needed to gather her courage and find the right moment. In the last 5 years, Sam learned that not everything she touched was going to get hurt or destroyed like she was always told she could also create things that where beutiful and made people happy.

Of course, after the GF attacks, Sam feels guilty. She almost lost her sister and the twins, and she did lose Wes and Judy Hicks. She threw herself at taking care of Tara, and when they moved to NY, she did make the smallest room and make it to her office/studio, and she didn't let anyone in. She found something that she loved that let her escape, but she had to leave Tara behind to find it. It made her afraid Tara would hate her art or think Sam was better off without her. What if she thought Sam was doing great and chose never to go back until she had to? How do you explain that she worked hard to get better for her but was to scared to go back when she did? It leads her to just brush off questions about the time she was gone, saying she just worked freelance and did some projects here and there.

Tara does hate it she knows Sam isn't being honest, but she's back she's here with her, and she promised never to leave again. After a fight, she storms into the studio and finds everything, even a print of a cover for the book she was reading, signed by Sam Soto. Looking around, the main thing that catches her eye is a framed drawing it's an old and worn-out drawing of her when she was younger. It's not as good as the rest of the drawing around the room, but you could tell it was the most well loved.

My friend this isn't a weird idea, this is LOVELY. I LOVE it, I LOVE you. I think saying "people with mental illnesses are usually more creative or have more creative outlets" is probably... not great, but I think you mean well. Happy to discuss that more in private if you message me off-anon (no judgement involved, I'll keep it all to myself, just wanna talk about it).

I think I've mentioned this before, but I 100% believe that when Sam left, she did it to recover - something she wouldn't be able to do in Woodsboro - and to get better, for herself and for her sister. The idea that Christina started leaving alcohol out to see if Sam would start drinking like she did is incredible, we all hate that woman, we only make her worse every time we talk about her.

Artist!Sam. Her using her grandmother's name as a pseudonym, being ready to reach out to her sister when life does it for her. All amazing. The way she learns through art that she is not destined for destruction, but that she can bring life and love into the world, heartbreaking.

The idea that Sam hides her art, terrified that Tara will hate her for leaving her and building this whole new world for herself is so so real. Because of course, what else could Tara think? Sam left and she made a name for herself and she found something that made her happy, because her sister just wasn't enough. And Sam only came back because Tara got hurt, because she felt guilty. Why wouldn't she assume that Sam was just going to stay away with her new name and her new life and her happiness? But Tara wants that for Sam, she wants her to be happy (she wishes she could have that for herself), so she feels guilty, because she's dragged Sam back into all this pain into her life and she's stuck here in New York looking after her fucked up little sister.

They're having an argument. Sam's trying to tell her she can't go to a party as if she has any say in what Tara can and can't do. "How am I supposed to focus on my work when I don't know where you are or whether you're safe," Sam screams at her. Tara screams back, "WHAT WORK SAM? YOU WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU DO BUT YOU EXPECT TO CONTROL EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE."

The words cut at Sam deep. Because she's right. She won't tell Tara anything about her life, but she wants to know every part of hers. The truth hurts and she doesn't know what to say, how to react. She just turns and walks away back to her room. But Tara isn't done, she's too worked up, she storms after her, pushing the door open before Sam can close it.(A part of Sam wonders whether she wanted her to see. She's so much stronger, she could have held the door closed, she could have stopped her).

Tara takes in the room. The desk with the tablet and computer, the sketchbooks, the pens and the pencils, the canvases and the paints in one corner. She framed prints on the wall, the sketch of herself framed above Sam's bed. She takes it all in and thinks Sam didn't want to share this with me, and walks away, locking her door behind her.

She doesn't go to the party that night.

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Nine, Part 5

Once the apartment was quiet, Addison pulled me back towards her room. I was confused, but followed her with a kind of morbid curiosity. My thoughts, like always, were working against me, and all I could think was that she had finally gotten sick of my weirdness. My quiet and antisocial attitude was pretty hard to deal with, and I fully understood that. I was almost waiting for this to happen.

As she opened the door, her cat came running out. It stopped and looked at me, meowed once and then headed off towards the kitchen.

Addison sat on her bed and pulled me down next to her. I was about to say something before she planted her lips on mine. All I could taste was the mixture of her sweetness and whiskey. Honestly, it wasn't that bad of a combination, and reminded me of drinking old fashioned up by my mom's place.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" She asked again, watching me closely. I belted down even harder on not showing the anxiety I had almost forgotten about.

"I'm cool. It'll be fun. Besides, then I can meet your crowd." I responded with a smile. "Is that really why you wanted to wait a bit?"

She looked at me with a kindness washing over her face. There was that twinkle in her eye that made my heart skip more than one beat. I kept forgetting how beautiful she was.

"Kind of. Did you want to stay here afterwards?"

I looked at her with growing confusion. I had stayed here a few times and couldn't figure out why she was asking. Of course I'd want to stay. I slept better with her next to me. I still found it very odd she asked about it.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I finally spit out.

"I don't know. I just kind of want you here tonight."

"Is there something I don't know? Are you okay?"

She smiled her perfect smile. "I'm perfectly fine. Just thought I'd toss the invite to you."

I pulled her close in a one armed hug, and kissed her forehead. "I will take any chance I get to stay by you."

Addison's face lit up like a firework show. Her teeth shined in her smile and I couldn't help but catch the contagious bug that was her joy. I found myself grinning from ear to ear.

"Partially. I kind of wanted to talk to you about something, and I have just enough alcohol in me to actually talk about it." She fiddled with her hands as she spoke.

"This sounds like it might be something important," I replied.

"It kind of is. I just don't want you to take it the wrong way, or to offend you."

"Not only am I interested, but I'm also confused." And I was. The biting panic was back and the anxiety was making my heart beat right out of my chest, like the old cartoons.

"I think we should get tested," she said, without any spaces between her words. I tilted my head to the side, like a confused hound.

"Tested? What do you mean?"

"You know. Tested." She emphasized the word again, and gave me a hopeful look that I'd figure out what she was talking about. And then it hit me.

"Oh. Oh! Ok, wow. Right over my head." I motioned with my hand flying over my head. "Yeah, we can do that. That's cool."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah, it's a good idea. I've never been tested before. I mean, it can't hurt right"

A look of relief washed upon her face. I hadn't noticed the anxiety she wore until it melted away, like wax in a fire.

"For real?" Addison said, her voice inflicting upwards.

"Yeah, definitely. Why did you think I would take it or wrong or be offended?"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was saying that you had something, or that I was calling you a whore."

I couldn't help myself and I was howling with laughter. She looked at me confused, but I couldn't stop. Soon my breaths weregasps of air as I laughed,

"Seriously? You thought that I'd think that? Addison, my dear, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. I haven't slept with anyone in a long time. I know you weren't saying anything like that," I said as I tried to catch my breath.

"Fair point," she said and then she was laughing with me. When we finally calmed down, I looked at her, falling in love with her all over again. I kissed her softly and I almost let the words slip from my mouth. Somehow I managed to have the willpower to not say those three little words.

Instead, I hopped up off the bed and held out my hand.

"C'mon, let's go get drunk with strangers," I said.

[just-eyris-things]

im moody so let me talk about my characters and why i am rewriting them so much

SUPER LONG POST. I mean it.

some of you have been following me for quite a while, some of you are a bit newer to my blog, some of you might be seeing this and be thinking "who the fuck are you" and to answer that question - hi, im eyris and i have perma gw2 brainrot!

well that was not where i was going. where i was going was "some of you have seen what my characters have been through and that i quite often rewrite them"

so today i'd like to talk about that a little bit. why is it happening, for the start.

I guess the best answer would be that i am getting better ideas and i am getting better at articulating them. i am also growing as a person, which also changes how i view my characters and what i want to say with their story. and sometimes i feel like things are cringe because not many people like my stuff. in no way i mean to fish for likes, no, i am contempt with what im getting (most of the time). what i mean is that i still feel like this very small and cringy blog among so many great people who have much bigger following, better stories, better art, better...everything, really. i guess a part of me wishes to catch up to them, be more like them, even if that is...1. impossible and 2. probably very stupid in your eyes.

so there's that. now, let's go over some of my characters and how they've changed across the years.

EYRIS, the main-main, game-wise and story-wise changes.

Eyris was my very first character, initially she had no story. TBF when i started gw2 my english wasn't so good and i was very lost with the game's story. I mean, i thought the Elder Dragons were some big bad organisation! Some people called themselves Dragons, something like this. As I said - my English wasnt very good back than. TBF I was like....15, I think. Yeah. I also somehow convinced myself I had to keep Eyris as a sylvari because other 4 character slots were for other 4 races and i had to keep them free! But I loved playing Eyris! SO! I fucking. I fucking deleted Eyris and made her again. over. and over. and over. and over and over and over and over.

AND THEN I went to a theatre on a school trip and we watched a play and the very handsome actor played a teacher named Mister Ross. I was 16 at a time (I think), so of course I was like "I like that name" and... I deleted Eyris for the final time and remade her as Eyris Ross. I had no idea that sylvari, according to canon, had no surnames. So when the time came when I started designing more lore-compliant story for her, my initial idea was that she was in love with a human and thats how she got her surname but he "died or something" and thats why she was now traversing Orr. I remember writing a scene of Eyris entering a Pact tent with Trahearne conversing with other leaders and she went completely off because she was sent on a suicide mission to scout Arah before going after Zhaitan and only she came back. Yeah. That....was a time. Somewhere in that time I also realised I did not like Ross backstory but I didnt want to delete Eyris again, I grew super attached (also all thjat crafting was developed completely...) so I changed her name to...Eyris of the Night. Because she was a Nightbloom and because someone took "Eyris" and I was sad about it. Still am, tbh. Somewhere then also Anriin came to be. A Priory scholar, quite mean... and she was Eyris's girlfriend who killed her in HoT because Eyris was getting corrupted! So tragic! But I scratched that off because I didn't vibe with it. I think I still have sketches though from that time so if I find them I will post them. I was 19 at the time when Eyris/Anriin was a thing. Then the Soundless plot came in. And then...

I used to have a friend. A best friend, actually. We were a package deal. So of course we bound our stories together. Eyris was just someone who happened to be there. She wasn't the Commander or the Dragon's champion. She was Just Some Plant that happened to be at a place at a time and ended up befriending the Commander (that friend's OC). Then Tragic Backstory TM happened. Eyris was a Soundless who was taken by the Nightmare Court. She was saved by a group of mercenaries (Idk who hired them. don't think too much about it). The group consisted of a young charr gladium (love interest), asura twins (siblings figures) and a norn elder (father figure). there was also a Mean Human Girl TM who bullied her because ???? and there was a drama in the group and the Mean Girl then fucking lured them into a trap (the Undead are attacking!) and everyone fucking died! Eyris survived and Trahearne saved her from the risen. Ever since Eyris hated necromancy (death magic, connection to zhaitan, zhaitan killed her loved ones) and mesmers (the Mean Girl was a mesmer). Eyris tracked her for years and she brutally murdered her in the jungle during HoT (how did the Mean Girl end up in Maguuma in the first place???) but revenge didnt help, it only drew her closer to mordremoth. Also her dog died in HoT (Mordremoth corrupted it and she had to kill it)

And then PoF time. She went to the desert. Why? I don't know. She went there and befriended a wild jackal pack for reasons unknown until today. That's how she got her mount and friend, Aiari. A few years ago Eyris became a Dragon Champion because I wanted to get her to have more story involvement and significance. And some time later I scratched off the Mercenary Group and changed them into Just A Norn Dad plot.

Currently Eyris's story is actually in this google docs right here but recently I had a Big Think and realised that No, the Vigil would NOT be swayed! So... you can take a peek on how it looks for now. Big Thanks to my friend Awerzo who shared her idea of character timelines. I stole it. It helps.

I am pretty sure I forgot some plots that existed for some time hhh

MOVING ON. AIRELL. The second Main.

Remember that friend I mentioned in Eyris's story? Well, Airell was initially created with their Commander in mind as his love interest. It did not fly. OG Airell was a shallow fuckboy that flirted with everything that moved. Then I wanted to add trauma because that's what you do, so Nightmare Court Boyfriend!!! Yeah it... didn't fly.

Then there was "unrequited love for Trahearne" plot, and after HoT Airell shut down and left for the mountains. They were supposed to be alone in their grief and die alone. but my earlier mentioned friend asked if they could make a friend for Airell. I reluctantly agreed. And so, Ewyn Rhosyn came to be. Ewyn and Airell had such a great chemistry that even if me and my friend said "just friends", these two fictional chartacters decided to date. Honestly, one of my fondest memories. I still cannot recreate a similar chemistry that these two characters had and believe me, I TRIED SO HARD.

Anyway, before Ewyn... Airell's grief was accompanied by a wish to forget all the pain they had endured. They set off to find djinn as they heard that the djinn could grant wishes. In hopes they could wish for erasing some painful memories, they looked for them, at the same time growing ravenous. When Airell finally encountered a djinn and learned that djinn magic did not work the waythey hoped for, they succumbed to hunger and ate a poor guy. Airell realised they could satiate their hunger with magic and so they became the ravenous djinn eater. Yeah. No, scratch all that. As much as I liked the concept, as a creator I wanted Airell to be likable, and let's be honest. eating people is not really the way to go, is it? Yeah......soooo then i decided to make them suck magic out of people (without killing them). Djinn eater became Deldrimor's Banshee, then I changed the name to Deldrimor's Siren, since I really liked that scary Fear Not This Night version.

As my friend and I lost touch, I held onto Airell and Ewyn for some time and then ditched it for my own sanity. I really liked the name Thorns and Roses though so I made my own gay rose mender - Achilles Flameshaper, who after losing his healing abilities became a therapist on a remote island for people who needed refuge (Whale Tail Island, or as I like to call it - Therapy Island).

The idea was that after Airell reawakened in the heart of Maguuma after the events of HoT concluded and after they learned of Trahearne's unfortunate fate, they mourned and succumbed to the magic hunger and was looking for the source of that big magic signature (cough balthazar cough), in their vinetooth form (pic below) they met Achilles and Eyris heading to the Commander's wedding. Achilles was just giving her a ride. Achilles and Eyris fought the lost mordrem in order to secure the area. Airell gets hurt, detransforms, oh no it's airell! oh no what do we do! Achilles takes Airell to the Island because clearly Airell is both physically and mentally hurting. While that part remains canon for Airell until today, their big romance with Achilles did not bloom as I planned. but you know what started vibing with me? TRAMMANDER. Because I decided to make Airell the commander from PS until the start of HoT and then reassign the commander-ship to them somewhere in the middle of PoF (thanks Nia Furaha for holding the line from HoT to PoF!). And if Trammander is canon.... then we're back to Trahearne angst. and guys, I needed to rework that too, so...

I added the whole Trahearne resurrection (ritual goes wrong! not clickbait!) idea! I am still SOOO vibing with it pls ask me questions about this im vibrating!!!!!!!

The Ewyn plot in PoF/LWs4 is CRAZY and I would need a separate post for that but I dont have time for that. Instead, let me tell you a fun fact - Airell died 1.5 times. 1 - stabbed during HoT and put in a blighting pod, and 0.5 in LWs4 when they got swallowed by Kralk and everyone thought they died but then kralk threw them up (sorry Airell).

NIA FURAHA

Nia was fun. A nice human commander, initially she was supposed to take the role of a commander after me and my friend stopped talking, but with time i decided to pass that role in majority to Airell.

Initially, Nia had a backstory. Which accidentally came out racist, so I won't be talking much about it. What I can talk about comfortably are her vigil years.

OG Nia joined the Vigil to protect people. She became a commander through recommendation and battle prowess. She was proud to be the commander, the hero of Tyria. But then I was replaying LWs2 and had thoughts. I thought what if Nia joined the Vigil to escape Anise's clutches. What if they wanted to get Nia into Shining Blade and she didn't want that? I had that storyline for some time but I don;'t like the person this makes Nia. She would not survive the dragon war with that motivation. So...I'm reworking her again when it comes to her role as a Pact soldier and Part-Time Commander.

Freya Wyldwolf

Freya has a long story. She started off as Freya Riverblade. Which is funny because I played hammer on her. Reasons? It was her father's hammer. Her father "left for a hunt and never came back" (as in he "died or something". again). Her mother was bitter, tried to get her life back together but with a wrong person and freya got a half sister. Her mother hated that child because we need that plot (insert eyeroll here pls) and Freya got her motivation to join the Vigil (previously she was a Whispers agent but only because I liked Tybalt ok).

But scratch all that. Freya now has a twin, her name is Wyldwolf, and her half sister was not neglected. Her mother was not the mother of the year but she tried. Freya comes from a long line of OG Wolf followers, so theres always "wolf" in the second name of her family. She is from Cragstead and is besties with Braham.

Also in IBS she killed a corrupted Spirit of the Forest (cough reworked boneskinner cough) and her name changed to Freya Spiritkiller, she did not take it well and is currently MIA.

....

There's also Yvrell but I'm not vibing with it right now also this post is super long and i've been typing it for hours so.

Yeah.

Thanks for reading, Bye. Or something. Love you.

[taegularities]

Hi Rid. Dreamgirl here. First things first, love your writing like yes pls bb take me THRU all the emotions.

I haven’t had an entertaining dream to share with you in a while but I feel like I shouldn’t just come to you with dreams and tell you that I enjoy your writing too, obviously because you know… I do! You know you’re my fave right… you really are😚

I also haven’t been able to pop by because ya girl is FINALLY in her final year of her law degree

what, like it’s hard?💅🏻 (it is in fact very very hard)

And its a little ruff and tuff out here.

Also dealing with a bunch of emotions and (⚠️TW) mental health difficulties like anxiety and other personal difficulties which I guess, made me take a break from my hobbies and social media too.

I’ll be back soon to tell you about other dreams and little stories in life (if you’re interested in that, heck if you’re not I’ll just come back to tell you how much I enjoy your writing and tell you which fics I’ve been rereading)

Once again, thank you for being one of the kindest people on this app who gives others a platform and responds in the kindest ways possible. Also you’re very pretty and I think I saw a tattoo reveal the other day??? Okay pop off Lil Jeon😙 ngl tattoos scare me because I am scared of needles but I also wouldn’t be able to get them because of my beliefs.

I DO BELIEVE THEYRE SUPER COOL THOUGH AND I WOULD GET THE “Love Yourself: Answer” album art heart tattooed like on my shoulder or something if I could tbh

Okay so this was just me saying hi and like a bit of a pop in before I go to bed tonight. Thank you for reading, I hope you’re doing well and you’re happy and living healthily 💭

dreeeeamgirl, ahh it's been quite some time !! 🥺 you're right, it's absolutely okay to come in whenever, dream or not. i love hearing from you !! and always so so so flattered to be your fav, ily :(((

wait, your last damn year?! HOLY CRAP, wait, i gotta go read a few books on law and politics now to be worthy of you or else i might embarrass myself kjsafhkjsaf no but truly that's so cool, and i'm so proud of you 😭 literally you

i'm so sorry about your mental health, though. please remember to take care of yourself and to hydrate, take walks and catch some fresh air... i'm manifesting a lot better days for you, my love 🤍

ahhh babe, you've been rereading my stuff? :( i'd love to hear about that, or anything tbh... of course i'm interested in all of it. and thank you 🥺 not just for saying all that but for being so gd kind to me, too. honestly, i just give the energy back that i receive, so that says a lot about you, too 🤍

and yes, we got the tattoo !! lil jeon made me laugh lmao girl 😭 gosh yeah, i remember when needles used to scare me, but i've had my blood taken so much in the past that that fear subsided :') ngl, even i thought of getting the LY album line art tattooed. it's genuinely beautiful 🥺

thank you for popping in, babe, i truly loved hearing from you and am sending all my love and energy to you. have a good night and sleep well, and talk to you hopefully soon again 💕

[altairrr]

What happened to your room mates?

I have decided it was a case of bad timing and bad luck, with human error pulling both of those things forwards like a sleigh. I still think everyone is doing what they think the right thing to do is. Eat my ass about it. There was a lot of things that piled on top of all of it. I had started to have PTSD in regards to the men who groomed me, and I was trying to focus my attention to anything else. That, paired with me asking for advice from shared friends regarding troubles with a new room mate (room mate A, we will say) being answered with malice towards this 'friend' of theirs, the disbelief that they were 'doing this again', and professionals explaining that not only did the diagnosis I'd been told not match at all (of which lined up with my own professional and personal experience of it), but that they were reminiscent of an abusive groomer that would try to keep everyone in a bad place made for a really bad mix. Our friends at the time had asked them (A) to not talk to them about any of this as an emotional boundary, to which they ignored and continued to do. I told them not to, and they took that idea and ran with the thought I was trying to separate them from everyone when I was the only one at the time trying to convince everyone else to give them time. They also seemed to not like the fact I was writing literally everything down that happened at this time, since my DID was flaring up badly enough to have complete black outs and I had started to rely heavily on going along with what others told me. So writing things down was, in my mind, the most helpful and best course of action for everyone. I can imagine if you hate/dislike someone, though, them writing things down could seem abusive or controlling or something. Unfortunately the writing things down did catch a lot of bad things, which might be another reason they didn't like it.

Someone we had been very close to, but cut off due to abuse/toxicity, came back into our lives around this time as well. They had gone to therapy, and done a lot of work to get themselves to a better place, so it was a really nice positive experience to see them again. They very vocally expressed that they felt we were being treated like absolute shit and unfairly. Both room mates became mean and distant. Due to the PTSD shit, the things everyone else was saying, and the tanking of my own physical and mental health, we insisted they move out. This was met with a sudden onset of a lot of touching even when being asked to stop, and a lot of wording very specific to triggers. It was ass, but luckily I was able to keep myself frozen instead of going into fight, and we stuck to asking them to move out rather than caving and having them stay.

They then went to a person who I had mentioned I had trouble thinking they could ever do anything wrong, no matter how horrid the behavior. This person was supposed to be the best man at my wedding- they had used me to defend them up and down for everything, and used me like a chess piece to abuse and gaslight their partner. Their partner, who they cheated on with several different people for seven years. The reason we finally broke off as friends, is because they cheated, proudly admitted to it, and then tried to change the story and say that the autistic trans woman in question raped them after I told them I'd be telling their partner about what they did. They got mad that, for the first time I refused to blindly side with them. I Still struggle to think they did wrong, even if on paper I know they did. One of the shared friends I had with room mate A, whom I had tried to get the most information from in regards how to best help and address what room mate A was going through, suddenly flipped what they were saying and started defending room mate A much in the same way I would speak about this Best Man friend. It made me reflect on that, and what the relationship I had had with Best Man ever was. Then I found out that this friend had had a sexual relationship with Room mate A when they were 11 and room mate A was 16. This did not pair well with the fact they had expressed wanting to get away from room mate A and focus more on their life in person, and that they did better mentally when they were away from them. Through out all of this I was still thinking that so long as we could just get A and B to move out into their own space, we could stay friends and I could help them get help, and etc. I just wanted them Out Of My Space in order to do that. They'd hear none of it, and insisted I was trying to kill them by making them move out.

On the Funeral of my last living relative that had ever been any amount of good, room mate A moved out, sent strange texts that sounded more like Best Man speaking that also for some reason compared me to Jesus- which makes me wonder if we had never been friends and instead I had been put on a strange and impossible pedestal of some kind. Which would make some sense.

We allowed room mate B as much time as possible to move out. They said they had cut off from room mate A, but they were always very bad at lying. We never really minded, they must have had their own reasons for feeling the need to lie. Either way, we wanted to give them time to move out and it wound up being about four or six months instead of a typical 30 day. It felt like torture, though, since they expressed they didnt want to be interacted with, or spoken to much, and they acted as if we didnt exist. They insisted they were looking for places to move out to. A new friend of theirs said they could move in with them, but then decided they couldnt because that person suddenly got pneumonia, which isnt contagious at all and they could have helped take care of them, so I suspect they just made something up to back out of it. I had very little energy at this time, my physical health was pretty bad, the funeral had hit hard and I had just learned something Extremely Fucked Up about my entire family and a good chunk of a bad part of my childhood. On top of that, the shitty uncle that had changed the will right before this family member died, made it so if we wanted to inherit Anything to remember this person by we would have to pay money for it. Room mate B who I had viewed as one of my best friends in my life had gone cold and as if I hadnt existed. So I mostly just had energy to keep working. I tried to help them find places, though they only worked 3 days of the week and had more time to do so. When I did find people, theyd seem disinterested. Later on, Id ask some of these people how the meeting had gone with them, and they all said that room mate B had turned them down. When I asked room mate B, they said the people said the room was already filled. I wanted to believe that maybe the other people were lying, because that sucked less. It also reminded me of all the times Best Man would do spiritual magic things to cause series of events to make things look very bad, or very good, depending on what was in their favor. Id rather think that, even. Room mate B was still buying expensive things during this time as well, though they were supposed to be saving up. We eventually did have to tell them they finally only had 30 days. I left to help a friend drive across the country, since she is a traveling nurse, alone, and their home was in Florida and she had come out to California to work and her husband couldnt go with her since he was working in Alaska. During that time, room mate B got rid of the pet chickens without telling me or giving me a chance to say good bye. (They were originally a shared thing. Then room mate B had expressed wanting to take over for them completely to learn responsibility and to try and have a scheduled thing theyd need to do every day. I had agreed that was a good idea, and to let me know if they needed to change it back. They had talked about it being difficult, but never asked to change it back. I wonder now if they had been indirectly asking and I didnt catch it. ) They eventually left, but left behind most of their stuff. I was really upset at the idea of them being in a bad spot in depression and apathetic, and wanted to hang onto their things so theyd have enough time to get it all. There was a lot of sentimental things there, and furniture and such. We kept it for three months, and tried contacting them several times. Eventually I was made to toss all of it, which I know is technically the good thing, but I still feel like shit.

What may be stupid, is I'd probably be friends with any of them again because I think.. people are doing what makes sense to them. On top of that, I've experienced people doing things like setting others on fire, so break downs, cheating, and etc seem like small beans. So I have safety rules put in place now, from therapy.

[uupdirector]

Helloooo everyone, and a glorious Friday to you all! Apologies for the radio silence as of recent - past few weeks have had me occupied, and for my own mental sake, I've been taking it easy. While animations haven't taken much of my time, I'm glad I stuck with my commitment of only doing that whenever I felt up to it - makes things a whole less stressful and saves time for other means of working on projects and even some other activities, and boy howdy have I been storming with creativity on ALL those fronts!

Been mostly organizing my ideas together - from updating my spreadsheet, gathering synopses for ideas, and even setting up idea maps for future ideas along the road, and as for that last bit, I'm slowly but surely getting back into the concept phase for Scarlet Combine again.

Of course, it's gonna be a long road before I even come CLOSE to working on that again - I still have a lot of catching up to do with GMod, but this process will definitely help for when I jump back on that ship. I wouldn't get hopes up is all I'm saying, but I'm still looking forward to the future as I always am.

As for those "other activities", man - I NEVER thought I'd finally find a means to get back into drawing again! The Chromebook I daily drive (ASUS CM3 Flip) has been a wonderful little gimmick of mine for the past few weeks, and recently after getting my hands on a USI pen and a GREAT drawing app to scratch that itch (Concepts), it's made me BURST with new ideas. I can't guarantee what it'll lead to, and I'd rather keep it personal until then, but you might see a few new things from me on here as I continue to experiment! :D

Til next time though, hope yall have a great Friday, and here's to an even better weekend! Much love! 💙

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

Hey Puddles! Just finished the new installment of Whistle in the Dark and wow wow wow

First of all I am such a S L U T for soft!joel

Second, I was married to man who was physically abusive to me and you really hit this right on the head. The feeling of possessiveness, of a debt owed, of "You won't have anything unless I give it to you" is so spot on it made my stomach hurt a little.

I really appreciate your note at the end. I've never been one to shy away from a scrap, but when my husband was the one throwing blows I was literally frozen to the spot. It's hard for me to wrap my head around why that was my response even 15 years later.

Sorry for the rant, thank you or making me feel seen!

🫶🏻

Hi bb!

Not a rant AT ALL. Thank you so so so so so much for sharing this and your thoughts. I have been sitting with this message in my inbox for a few days now bc I wanted to give myself the time to process it all and respond appropriately.

Whistle in the Dark might be my softest Joel, second only to Feral Woman Joel. His character is so wonderful in all the different aspects of his personality that can be leaned into without going entirely OOC. He's such a rich character, and of course Pedro Pascal brought a whole new wave of inspiration with his interpretation of him.

I'm sorry to hear about your past relationship. I'm happy you're away from that and in a safer place. Unfortunately as you know, those experiences stay with the victim - even if they receive support or therapy or whatnot. Not saying it has to control your life, but it etches itself into the deepest parts of the brain for sure.

Anyone who has been in a situation like that before (or perhaps has seen it secondhand through parents or a friend) knows all too well how you struggle with what you "should do" and what you end up doing in the moment. The secret is, there's no right answer when you're with an abusive person. You will never be perfect because they will never accept anything no matter how hard you try to be "good." It's a lose-lose situation.

I knew I was on the right track when I was writing when my stomach also did that uncomfortable clench and turn. Although it was difficult to write at times, I wanted to give the story the realism and care that the themes call for.

I'd also like to point out that the reader/OC in WitD is a very strong individual. She endured horrific circumstances at the hands of her family before ending up in a survival team situation with Matthew. She works patrols in Jackson and is incredibly capable (I think back to the first installment where Joel had taken the time to help her learn to shoot better, and her marksmanship notably improved with the support). She's resourceful, a quick learner, and reliable, and she still has a good heart despite all the things she's been through.

The note at the end was meant to redirect any upset at the appropriate source (in this case, Matthew). I think it's common for the kneejerk reaction to be "why didn't you run?" or "you should've fought back!" because that's ultimately what we wish for the character or person in this circumstances: a deep desire for them to escape it somehow. Because human emotions are difficult and messy, this often comes out as victim blaming when it's merely the energy being directed in the wrong place. (Of course there are people who do blame victims. I'm not talking about those assholes.)

The concept of "no perfect victim" comes to mind with the third installment. If she freezes or doesn't fight back, she's weak or stupid. If she fights back or tries to get out of it, she's setting herself up for failure because he's bigger/stronger/etc. There's no right answer.

There's no right answer because there never is when you're with an abusive person.

Tysm again for reading, and I feel very strongly that the fourth and final installment will feel quite vindicating for you.

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

[les-maisons-toutes-pareilles]

04/12/2022 - it's been a while

Last entry was 30th of November. No really consistency. I bring it up again, I guess it must bother me, or maybe just the fact that I wanted to write everyday and in the end didn't? Then again considering myself it's more or less an impossible task for me, I'm doing better than I did before. Though I shouldn't abandon, I'm doing good with this diary.

So what happened ? On Friday I had a long day after a short night and then I went out to run with my mum for an charity event. I have not run in a loong time, only bicycle and just to go and get from my school and some errands. I did pretty good though, 8,5 km. I was so exhausted though. Then I spent the whole of Saturday studying and writing down my notes and then again on Sunday with a little more lax and also I slept in late. I have quite a few exams this week, idk how I feel about them. Tomorrow is...well I could say in the hands of god but i don't believe in it.

Things is I spend so much time studying that I have little time to do much else. I have not really been able to continue the comics I was reading, or start the book I've had for months now, or even catch a little bit of an episode from a show. I mainly just listen to music because I can do that and keep working on school stuff. It feels a little alienating, though I know I have to because it's school, I still try to find some time to do things.

The cat I was hoping to meet got adopted which yay for her ! It's a good thing I made clear in my mind that as long as I don't have a real liking for any of them on the picture then I wouldn't mind who gets adopted before I get to meet them. What counts is how they'll react to me when I meet them and the ones that are there then. Of course I'm a little sad because she was gorgeous and I would have loved to have her home, I daydreamed a little but I'm allowed to be sad, as long as I don't drown in it. Saying that I'm sad already does a lot.

And finally, I had a little...weak moment ? I was thinking about my ex friends and how long we've been apart. Thing is I've not talked to one of them for a month and the other the last message I sent (not one they answered) was about 2.5 weeks ago. I don't think it's a good idea to talk again right now, or at least not for December (too much happening with the exams, the new job, the holidays etc), but I was thinking maybe January ? It'll be about 2 months after I last really talked to anyone of them. I know people are not forgotten that easily (well...talking for myself really haha) but you can move on pretty quickly if you have 0 interaction with them, and I have no interaction with them. So I've been thinking and a few thoughts got out :

They might have moved on, the 3 of them. We are barely acquaintances at this point I guess, and I wouldn't blame them (as I said, 0 interaction). So is it a good idea to contact them again ? As much as I had fun times with them I have a hard time believing we were actually friends ? Not in a bad way, but in a I-never-felt-like-their-friend way. It's a weird situation where I have strong memories of feelings I'd associate with good friends but at the same time they feel like sort of strangers to me. So it would be like building it all up again but from the ground, with better foundations.

Do I really want to be their friends ? I am mostly motivated by memories and sparce moments, but do I want to be their friends ? I know I interacted with them a lot because they were friends with my one friend there (the same way you interact with the friends of your friend at a stranger's party). Thing is I try to be a generous and kind person as much as I can. I try to treat everyone well so I don't have that many bad interactions but then everyone I talk to is pretty much nice so...where does the line about being friend is ? I have trouble with that one. There are people at school I'm on good terms with, I even work with them etc but I wouldn't call them for anything too personal, or to talk about the randoms of my life. If this is what I go with then I guess we only really talked in the genral group. From what I understand they all had private conversations between them, I didn't, not really. So was it friendship then ? Or was I just being socially correct and nice? And then, do I want to be friends with them ? Before I try anything or ask them, I should have some sort of understanding on that matter myself.

And there's always the problem of that person. I don't know how to deal with that still. Do I want them as my friend or is it some weird attachment or memories of good feelings I'm trying to get back like a junkie ?

I'm weirdly concerned with doing the right and good thing, I don't know if all of this is really healthy but no one reads this and it does take a little off my back to write these interrogations I have.

Listening to : Second star to the right by Jon Sarta