#when i say ive been working on this since beginning of april i mean basically from like april 2nd to april 4th i worked on this

[foxglovesound]

rekindling

a look into the lingering friendship between plumstar and honeystream. Warnings for mentions of miscarriages, character death, and graystar being a general asshole

(also note: ive been working on this since the beginning of april :”) ))

They’ve always been there for each other, whether they realize that or not. Even after the arguments, after the resentment, after Graystar walked off with Sandkit dangling from his jaws, refusing to let Waspfoot carry her own son back to WindClan, after all the grief and bitterness they still care for each other. They were best friends for three long season cycles, and even if they’re not friends anymore, that worry for each other’s safety remains. Plumstar still feels an ache for Honeystream and Waspfoot whenever Graystar interferes and screws Honeystream over, but that ache only occurs to Honeystream for the first time one afternoon, after a hunting session with her kittens, back when Plumstar first got pregnant.

She doesn’t notice when she enters camp at first; she steps into the camp’s clearing, nudging Lightningpaw and Beepaw forward, ordering the two to go drop their kills off at the fresh-kill pile. Honeystream follows her kittens, dropping her own catch to the fresh-kill pile, and she only takes in her surroundings when she feels her daughter nudge her flank.

“Ma, something’s going on,” Beepaw mumbles, and Honeystream lifts her eyes up, glancing around the camp, “What’s everyone whispering about?”

There’s no crowd, perse, but everyone is out - they’ve clustered together in their own little circles, scattered amongst the camp, with their heads bent low so they could whisper and murmur amongst themselves.

But there’s one thing that the entire camp is doing: they’re all facing the seer’s den. Dread knots in her stomach as she follows the countless stares towards the den, her own gaze landing on the hunched over form of Antfoot, her amber eyes wide and round with fear.

Honeystream lurches forward, rushing to Antfoot’s side, because she knows. She knows something’s happened to Plumstar, even before Antfoot can weakly choke out her mate’s name as Honeystream approaches.

***

Plumstar returns to her duties as soon as Hazelnose releases her from their den. She hasn’t lost any of her own lives, no, but the lives Plumstar had been developing within her stomach stopped growing. This time, no one in the Clan gossips; they keep out of their leader’s business, because they all know not to expect any arrivals in the camp anytime soon.

Honeystream leaves a marigold at Plumstar’s den one day, to show that she feels for her former friend, even if they don’t talk to each other like they used to anymore. Honeystream isn’t sure what Plumstar does with it, but Antfoot comes to admire the little flower that Plumstar’s woven into her nest.

***

A few days later, the Gathering is commencing; Honeystream weaves through the crowds of mingling cats, Lightningpaw and Beepaw at her heels, as she trots swiftly to meet Waspfoot. The couple meets affectionately in the middle, touching their noses in a sweet little kitty-kiss, a pleasant purr rolling from both the mollies’ throats. Waspfoot lowers her head to rub her cheek lovingly against her kits’ cheeks, asking how they’ve been holding up in RiverClan and how they’re training’s going.

“Beepaw’s got a secret admirer,” Lightningpaw teases, and Honeystream lets out a chuff of laughter - Lightningpaw was their quiet kit, who only seemed to pipe up if it involved tormenting their sister. Beepaw’s ears flick back and she huffs, pelt burning, “Shut up! You’re just mad because I’m getting pretty shells at my nest.”

“A secret admirer, huh?” Waspfoot mews, whiskers twitching, “Any idea who it is?”

Beepaw shakes her head, obviously flustered by the topic, but the family doesn’t press further on it when Honeystream changes the topic, “Where’s Sandpaw?”

Waspfoot practically droops at the mention of her son, and her gaze flicks across the gathering; Honeystream follows her mate’s glance and spots her son, crouched in a clump of WindClan apprentices. Morningpaw is settled next to him, but she looks antsy, and every time she stands up to go interact with other Clan cats, Sandpaw shakes his head rapidly as a no and the tortoiseshell molly sits back down, dejected.

“He didn’t want to come say hello,” Waspfoot explains, her voice almost exhausted, “He didn’t say why. He just said no and walked off.”

Before Honeystream can even respond, the group’s attention is snatched back when they overhear Graystar meow, purposefully loudly, “You’re not carrying kitten-weight the way I’d expect, Plumstar.”

Honeystream stiffens, her tail tip flicking, and Lightningpaw and Beepaw shrink back; Waspfoot presses her pelt to Honeystream’s golden tabby one, her head quirked to the side as she murmurs, “Honeystream? What’s wrong?” Honeystream doesn’t find her words immediately, choosing instead to brace herself for Plumstar’s response.

“With all do respect, Graystar,” Plumstar responds in stride, her voice level but stern, “That’s none of your concern.”

“I’m merely curious,” Graystar retorts, his tone a little sharper than earlier, “There’s no need to get defensive.”

Plumstar simply blows out a puff of air in annoyance, her gaze falling forwards; she remains stoic, even when Graystar adds on, “Did you lose your pregnancy?”

“This is an inappropriate time to discuss that matter. Drop it.” Plumstar’s voice is short and terse, her eyes narrowing as she fights back her frustration with Graystar’s pushing of the subject.

“So you did lose it.”

“I said drop the subject.” The red fur along Plumstar’s back begins to bristle with irritation.

Graystar snorts, tipping his muzzle to the air and dragging his gaze away from Plumstar, “That’s a shame, really.” His tone holds no sympathy, and Honeystream doesn’t realize her hackles are starting to raise. Robinstream’s tail starts to lash from where she sits with the other deputies, and Antfoot has also gotten to her paws, her tail tip flicking and the ginger fur along her shoulders lifting.

“I never really expected you to produce an heir as great as my daughter is turning out,” Graystar continues on, and Morningpaw lowers her head as her father mentions her, embarrassment shining in her eyes, “But looks like you won’t be able to turn out an heir at all, hm? It’s a damn shame, though I can’t say I’m surprised you failed at this too.”

Plumstar turns on Graystar, her fur bristling, and both Robinstream and Antfoot open their mouths to snap something at the tom for overstepping his boundaries, but surprisingly enough it’s none of those three who manage to get the first - or loudest - words out.

“Oh fuck off, Graystar!” Honeystream blurts out from where she stands within the crowd, earning a few hushed gasps from those surrounding her, as well as her kits; Waspfoot simply perks her ears up, and she can’t help but smile slightly as her mate begins to tell the gray tabby tom off.

“Excuse me?” Graystar hisses, his yellow eyes narrowing into slits as he glares down at the disruption; Honeystream puffs out her pelt, her own expression matching Graystar’s as she snaps back, “You heard me. This is none of your business, so quit shoving your nose into someone else’s life when you can focus on your own,” Honeystream pauses, tilting her head to the side as she adds on, “Or are you so bad at dealing with your own problems that you turn to making fun of someone else’s to feel better?”

Before the argument can devolve further, Poplarstar, the ShadowClan leader, intervenes, obviously uncomfortable, “Do you think we could just, put this aside for now? And carry on with the Gathering? No reason to bicker like apprentices under the truce.”

Graystar flicks an ear irritably, but Plumstar speaks up before he can deny, “Yes, let us commence the Gathering. In fact, I hope you don’t mind me giving my report first.”

Poplarstar dips their head respectfully towards Plumstar, granting her permission to go on ahead. So she does.

***

The sun shines golden rays upon the border between WindClan and RiverClan, a cherished invitation to Honeystream as she strolls through the territory, Lightningpaw and Beepaw padding along beside her. Honeystream’s pace picked up once she spotted the figure on the border, outlined in a yellow halo by the sun’s rays; for the last few fox-lengths her trot turned into a sprint as she bounded towards Waspfoot, only to meet with a loud, rumbling purr. Lightningpaw and Beepaw came barreling down the slope after her, bouncing around Waspfoot with excited, eager chirps as she broke away from Honeystream to touch noses to her bundling kits.

Light green eyes scan the cluster of cats rapidly for a few moments, before glinting with a hint of confusion. Honeystream shuffles on her paws, lowering her voice as she catches Waspfoot’s attention, “Waspfoot? Where’s Sandpaw?”

Waspfoot’s ears droop, her tail tip twitching before she sighs weakly, “Graystar insisted on taking him out on a training session. He wouldn’t let me take Sandpaw today.”

“That’s not fair!” Beepaw huffs with a stamp of her paw, while Lightningpaw simply narrows their eyes, clearly irked by Graystar’s choice. Beepaw turns to Waspfoot, her paws kneading the ground as she scoffs, “Graystar himself agreed on these meetings and what day they’ll be on! He can’t just,” She pauses in her rant, still fuming as she thinks for her words, “Just change it willy nilly because he feels like it!”

“He’s probably pissed because Ma yelled at him in front of everyone,” Lightningpaw adds on mellowly, earning a swift “Hush! Language!” from Waspfoot. Honeystream’s fur ruffles along her haunches as she snorts, “But she’s right. That tom is always coming after us for the smallest things.”

“He’s sensitive,” Waspfoot offers as a pitiful explanation, “He gets real embarrassed real easy because he thinks no one believes he deserves his position -,”

“He’s right!” Beepaw interrupts with an agitated sneer, and Waspfoot waves her tail to dismiss her daughter’s comment, “Shush! You may think that, but half of WindClan thinks the opposite and they’ll flay each of us if we hear us talking about their precious shithead badly.”

Beepaw and Lightningpaw gasp at Waspfoot’s curse, and the WindClan molly screws up her nose and squeezes her eyes shut, grimacing at letting her own language slip up in front of her impressionable children. Honeystream lets out an airy little chuckle, her teeth peeking out in her sheepish grin, before Waspfoot simply bumps her head against Honeystream’s shoulder, “I’ll drag him to our next meeting no matter what.”

Honeystream grins again, bending forward to rasp her tongue across Waspfoot’s muzzle, “Thanks, sweets.”

Lightningpaw and Beepaw let out a noise of disgust in perfect unison at the sappiness going on between their mothers, but they scatter when Honeystream shoots them a narrowed look, their own giddy laughs bubbling through the air. Honeystream settles into a more comfortable position, tucking her paws under the warmth of the thick, soft fur of her belly, and Waspfoot circles her mate before flopping down against Honeystream’s side, seeking comfort in her mate’s fluffy pelt as she watches her kittens demonstrate the newest battle moves they learned during training the other day.

Their oasis of happiness is brief and fleeting, unfortunately; Lightningpaw pins down Beepaw, but their smug expression drops when they catch sight of what’s on the horizon, and they scrabble off of their littermate. Beepaw scrambles to her paw, her golden tabby fur fluffed out as she catches sight too, and when Waspfoot follows their gaze, she hops to her own paws. Honeystream simply sighs, heaving herself to her own paws, not out of respect but simply to follow in her mate’s action.

“I’m glad I’m not interrupting anything,” Graystar comments as he lumbers forward, and Honeystream mumbles under her breath, “You are.”

Waspfoot’s fur prickles along her spine and she lowers her head to whisper into Honeystream’s ear, “You should send the kits home.”

If Waspfoot senses something off, Honeystream trusts her gut, and does just so; turning to her kits, but holding her ground, Honeystream instruct, “You two, start heading back to camp.”

“But - !” Beepaw begins to protest, only to be nipped swiftly on the ear by Lightningpaw, who then tugs again on their sister’s ear; Beepaw huffs and swats at her sibling, grumbling an acceptance of the order and begins to trudge after Lightningpaw as the pale tabby slips away from the scene.

“Sending the kittens away, huh? Good choice.”

Waspfoot lowers her head, obviously wary of the way Graystar growls that sentence; the gray ticked tabby before them gestures to the direction of camp with a nod of his head, “Waspfoot, head back now.”

“If you have something you want to say to Honeystream, you can say it with me here, too,” Waspfoot asserts, only to be rounded on by Graystar who snarls at her, “I said go to camp, now.”

Waspfoot flinches, almost as if she’s worried Graystar will lash out and hit her, and Honeystream simply reassured, “It’s alright, I can handle him. I’ll see you later.”

Waspfoot simply touched her nose to Honeystream’s, before padding off towards the direction of camp, her lithe tail trailing behind her.

Once the WindClan molly was out of earshot, Graystar advanced on Honeystream, the fur along his shoulders bristling as he ordered, gruffly and growling, “Sandpaw will not be attending any of these little get-togethers.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Honeystream’s ears flattened, her hackles raised as she spat, “Don’t you dare throw that in my face when you were the one causing trouble. You can’t stop me from seeing my son just because you’re mad I called you out for being a prick to Plumstar.”

“I am Sandpaw’s leader and I can do whatever I want,” Graystar barked, his tail whipping back and forth as he loomed over Honeystream; RiverClan molly squared up against the tom, flexing her claws from her wide paws. Realistically, Honeystream would absolutely crush Graystar in a battle, but Graystar held her family above her head like a threatening spider dangling from a web.

“You better check your tone, fish-breath,” Graystar’s insult is initially interrupted by Honeystream’s hiss, but Graystar simply carries on, “My WindClan warriors are loyal to me and me alone. If I so much as give them the order, your life will be a never ending nightmare - and I don’t think you’d want to drag your precious kits into the crossfire, huh?”

Honeystream’s lip remains curled, flashing her fangs at Graystar, but she makes no move to attack him as he reiterates, “Do I make myself clear, Honeystream?”

Through gritted teeth and scathing tongue, Honeystream hisses back, “Yes, sir.”

***

Plumstar doesn’t hear about what happened between Honeystream and Graystar directly; she overhears the molly as she storms into camp, her eyes glimmering as she holds back her frustrated tears, the rage rolling from her in heated waves. Robinstream and Antfoot rush to her on swift paws, their ears pricked up as they circle the molly to get the details. Even Eaglepelt finds himself at Honeystream’s side, his eyes wide and shocked as Honeystream starts her rant. Cats begin to gather around her as she explains what happened, and Plumstar, sitting at the edge of the leader’s den, watches on with slitted eyes.

As she gets up and slinks towards the entrance of the camp, she snags the attention of Tatteredjaw, who twists around to call out to the red tabby, “Where are you off to?”

“Errands,” Plumstar grunts in response, disappearing from the view of camp.

***

“What made you think this was a smart idea at all?” Hazelnose scoffs in annoyance as they buzz around Plumstar, pressing poultice to her stinging cuts and wrapping her particularly nasty wounds in cobwebs, “Honestly, Plumstar, you’re a leader, you should be setting an example, not going out and picking fights with Graystar at the border.”

“I didn’t pick a fight!” Plumstar huffs indignantly, “I went with the intention of exchanging words with him.”

“But you exchanged blows instead?” Hazelnose interjects, earning a frustrated hiss from their leader as they squeeze poultice into one of Plumstar’s unattended lashes. Before Plumstar can even respond, the duo are interrupted by the honeyed purr of Antfoot as she slides into the seer’s den, crooning, “How’s my brave ol’ warrior holding up, sweetheart?”

Hazelnose can practically feel Plumstar’s pelt warm up at the melodious voice of her mate, but they shoo Antfoot off from rubbing her cheek to Plumstar’s with an order, “Don’t touch her yet, she’s took a nasty hit on her cheek and I don’t want you reopening it because you couldn’t stand the idea of not clinging to Plumstar’s side for three heartbeats.”

Antfoot pouts, flicking her tail behind her as she mockingly whines, “But what if I can’t?”

“You’ll manage,” Hazelnose snorts, still annoyed by their leader’s reckless behavior.

Antfoot exchanges an amused glance with Plumstar, flashing her a sweetened grin, before her expression sobers up as she ventures on, “What are you gonna tell RiverClan about your injuries?”

“Certainly not that you got into a fight with the WindClan leader!” Hazelnose objects immediately, and Plumstar fluffs up once more, countering, “Why not?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to tell your very defensive clan that you went out and picked a fight with the WindClan leader? You don’t think they’ll demand to go and give WindClan a piece of their own minds?”

Plumstar snorts at Hazelnose’s comment, but simply grumbles, “I’ll just tell them I fell into a bramble patch or something.”

***

Moons pass. Plumstar and Antfoot try again for kits, but this time, they remain quiet about it - best not to get everyone’s hopes up too fast, Plumstar says.

And it comes in handy; Hazelnose never had figured out why Plumstar lost the first pregnancy, and they never figure out why she lost her second pregnancy so early on either. The third pregnancy is a surprise that doesn’t last, and Plumstar knows better than to get her hopes up when she gets the news. It never lasts beyond the beginning of the second month, at most.

Each time, the three keep quiet; the rest of the Clan remains in the dark about what’s going on. The only cat who ever hears about each loss is Honeystream, who sits next to Antfoot on the bank of the river and listens to the nimble molly deliver heavy news each time. And each time, Plumstar finds a marigold at the entrance of her den.

Plumstar finds out she’s pregnant again a moon after Beestorm’s own kit is born.

***

“She’s such a cute little thing,” Briarflower coos from where she remains in her nest, belly too swollen to leave her nest for too long. Beestorm chuckles lightly, flashing the new RiverClan addition a light-hearted grin, “You’re gonna be havin’ your own wriggly little cute things by the end of this moon, at least, I bet.”

Briarflower lets out a light laugh, shuffling around to rasp her tongue over her swollen belly; Waxwhisker curls her tail around Beestorm’s tail, a low purr rumbling from her throat as she watches Hornetkit from over Beestorm’s shoulder. Honeystream sits in the empty nest next to her daughter, admiring the small figure of her granddaughter, her light green eyes shining with affection.

“You know, it’s been nearly been a moon since Hornetkit was born,” Waxwhisker suddenly meows, breaking the comfortable silence, “Waspfoot visited you like, a few days after she had been born. Why hasn’t your brother come by?”

Beestorm shrugs, twitching her tail, “Don’t know. He doesn’t like me very much.”

“He doesn’t like anyone very much,” Lightningface observes distantly, speaking up for the first time during that conversation. Honeystream’s ears twitch backwards, but she remains silent, her expression grim.

***

The border buzzes with excitement as Honeystream finds herself leading an extra addition to the border: Waxwhisker. The RiverClan molly walks stride by stride with Beestorm, their pelts brushing as they eagerly chatter about the arrival of Sandwhisker’s kits. Honeystream has a particular skip in her step, her tail wavering behind her as she pads along, Lightningface silently keeping pace with her. She shoots them a side glance, chirping in a silvery tone lightened by the excitement to be able to greet yet another litter of grandkits, “Excited to meet Sandwhisker’s kits?”

“I’m very excited to see Morningclaw’s kits,” Lightningface answers nonchalantly, aware of what they just did. Honeystream simply rolls her light apple-green eyes and bumps her shoulder against Lightningface’s, chiding in an amused tone, “Be nice.”

When a figure finally shows up in the distance, the group doesn’t react with please; Honeystream’s fur begins to lift across her back, and Beestorm’s lip curls into a scowl as she hisses, “Why is he here?”

Lightningface seems tense, as if they’re expecting an attack, and Waxwhisker simply braces herself next to Beestorm, ready to jump before her mate at any given moment.

Graystar’s figure draws closer, and he waves his tail arrogantly as he snorts, “Always so angry to see me, huh, Honeystream?”

“You should damn know well why I’m always so angry to see you,” Honeystream spits back, whipping her tail back and forth. Her narrowed eyes don’t betray the small sense of anxiety she feels in the bottom of her stomach as she watches Graystar’s patrol come to a stop beside him - enough cats to hurt her family.

“What’s with the patrol?” Lightningface addresses Honeystream’s concern, their own eyes narrowed into slits as they glance amongst the group of cats following the WindClan leader. Graystar tips his chin up as he comments, unusually calm, “With how aggressive you RiverClan cats are, I figured I’d need the protection in case one of you tried something.”

“RiverClan cats don’t just randomly jump claws unsheathed at the sight of any other Clan cat,” Waxwhisper points out with a twitch of her tail tip, “We have to be provoked.”

“Figured the news I was about to deliver would be provoking enough,” Graystar retorts, eliciting another hiss from Honeystream, “News?”

“You are not welcome in WindClan camp.”

Honeystream’s thick golden tabby fur fluffs out, irate and shocked, as she snaps, “Excuse me? My grandkits were just born, I should be damn well allowed to see them!”

“Sandwhisker does not want you meeting the kits,” Graystar informs all to professional, “This was his will. So you can turn tail and head home.”

Honeystream bunches her muscles, ready to leap and bowl Graystar over, but as she begins to push herself forward with a yowl, she spots Graystar’s WindClan warriors instinctively stepping in front of their leader, and Honeystream herself feels teeth in her scruff as she’s hauled backwards by Lightningface and Waxwhisker.

“This isn’t what the pact was about! You granted visitation permission!” Honeystream yowls, her tail lashing from where she stands, and Graystar scoffs, “I granted you permission to visit your mate and son; I said nothing of grandkits. And if your son doesn’t want to see you, then who are you visiting the camp for?”

With that, he nods to his warriors, who begin to advance on the RiverClan family, pushing them away from the border; Honeystream goes home with her kits, her pelt hot with rage.

***

“Well, that was a short visit,” Robinstream remarks as she watches the RiverClan family storm into camp, “And a crabby one, I can see. What happened?”

“Graystar met us at the border with a patrol of his own,” Waxwhisker informs the tortoiseshell deputy, the others to outraged to respond, “He said Sandwhisker didn’t want us to meet the kittens and that Honeystream wasn’t welcome there anymore.”

“What? He can’t do that!” Lampreypaw pipes up from the apprentice’s den, and Elmpaw twitches his ear next to her, commenting, “Why not? He’s their leader.”

“It’s not right!” The brown tabby apprentices turns on her companion, her pelt puffed out, and Elmpaw blinks in surprise, taking a shuffling step back, “No I didn’t - I didn’t mean that it was right! I just meant he’s physically capable of doing that.”

Lampreypaw huffs, but the pair of apprentices is shooed away by Antfoot as she sends them back to their mentors, before turning to Robinstream and the RiverClan family, her ears twitching, “He really shouldn’t be able to do that, no matter his rank. This goes against our deal.”

“He said it doesn’t because apparently he and Plumstar never discussed grandkits,” Lightningface comments, glancing towards the camp entrance, “Plus, Sandwhisker himself told him to tell us to screw off, according to Graystar.”

“He could be lying,” Antfoot offers, only for Beestorm to snort indignantly from where she stands besides her mother, “As if. He hates us almost as much as Graystar does.”

“Enough to forbid his own mother from seeing his children?” Robinstream scoffs, and Lightningface simply shrugs their cream tabby shoulders, “Apparently.”

They don’t seem as irate as their mother or their sister, but they were never a big fan of Sandwhisker, plus Lightningface had always been a rather stoic cat.

“What’s going on?” Plumstar’s voice cuts from the seer’s den as she hauls herself from the cave, her ears twitching as she observes the angry throng of cats collecting with in her camp. Hazelnose follows her closely, keeping an eye on her to ensure she doesn’t grow too worked up.

Antfoot strides over to her mate’s side as Robinstream calls out to her leader, “There was an incident at the border. Graystar won’t let Honeystream see Sandwhisker’s kits because apparently he said he doesn’t want her to meet them.”

“He did what?” Plumstar hisses, wheeling around to face Honeystream’s family, her red tabby fur standing on end at the comment, “Did he really do that?”

Honeystream simply nods, her mouth tightly shut to hold back any frustrated screaming she might accidentally let out. Plumstar’s claws dig into the soft, firm earth of RiverClan camp as she growls below her throat, “I oughta give him a damn piece of my mind.”

Antfoot’s tail shoots upright as Plumstar begins to stalk towards the entrance of camp, but Hazelnose intervenes swiftly, stepping in front of the angered feline and blocking her path, “You will do no such thing!”

“And why not?” Plumstar scoffs, lashing her tail behind her, but before she can add on, Hazelnose swiftly interrupts, “Because I know you, Plumstar, and I know you’ll just meet him at the border and get into a damn scuffle just like you did last time.”

Their eyes glance towards Plumstar’s stomach, barely showing the signs of pregnancy, “I can’t have you going out and picking a fight in your condition, Plumstar.”

Plumstar huffs, falling silent until Honeystream steps forward, speaking up for the first time since she got back from the border, echoing Hazelnose’s comment, “Last time?”

“Your sheep-wool of a brain leader thought it’d be a good idea to go out and box Graystar’s ears when she heard he told you that Sandwhisker wouldn’t be attending those meetings of yours anymore.” Hazelnose sniffs, casting an annoyed glance towards Plumstar, who simply flattens her ears and looks off into another direction; Honeystream pads forward, her voice softening as she mews, “You really did that?”

Plumstar leans against Antfoot as she grunts, “Course I did. I can’t have him treating my clanmates like that.”

Honeystream offers Plumstar a small smile, and perhaps their old friendship still lingers, deep down.

***

Moons pass, Plumstar’s kitten arrives without mishap - a healthy young tom kitten, whom Plumstar and Antfoot dub Burnetkit. The Clan celebrates the birth of the young kitten, and Plumstar celebrates silently with Antfoot for the survival of Burnetkit after their previous struggles before.

Honeystream celebrates silently too, sprawled out in camp, watching with joy as Plumstar and Antfoot spoil their darling son.

***

Time never ceases to stop; Honeystream finds herself at WindClan’s border one last time, struggling to bite back the sobs as she stands face to face with Morningclaw and Sandwhisker. Behind her, Beestorm leans on Waxwhisper, her eyes teary as she curls her tail around Hornetpaw, who watches on with confused, wide eyes, Lightningface on her other side. Plumstar and Antfoot hang at the back of the group, unable to do anything or fix any of the events unfolding.

“I don’t even know how you found out about Waspfoot,” Sandwhisker grunts, his voice unusually cold for the situation unfolding. Morningclaw turns to her betrothed, murmuring, “I told them. They have a right to grieve.”

“You have to let me come to the camp, Sandwhisker,” Honeystream chokes out, her voice hoarse with grief. Sandwhisker narrows his eyes, a low growl rolling from his throat, “I will not let RiverClan warriors into the heart of my Clan’s territory.”

“RiverClan warriors - we’re your family, Sandwhisker! I’m your mother!” Honeystream pleads, taking a step forward, only to recoil when Sandwhisker lashes out at her, claws unsheathed. The group takes a step back in surprise, and even Morningclaw hisses with distaste at Sandwhisker’s reaction to his broken-hearted mother.

“As far as I care, Waspfoot was my mother, and she’s dead,” Sandwhisker snaps, teeth bearing at Honeystream as he snarls, “I have no connection to RiverClan. You all mean nothing to me.”

“How dare you!” Beestorm exclaims, her claws unsheathing as she strides towards the border, “Is this all you’ve become? One of Graystar’s brainless lackeys?”

“You will keep my leader’s name out of your mouth, fish-breath!” Sandwhisker turns on his sister, practically howling at her, and Honeystream thinks of how many times Graystar called her fish-breath.

“I will not!” Beestorm stomps her paw defiantly, “Don’t act like he’s too honorable of a cat to have his name come from us! If anything, he’s as important as a pile of rat-dung.”

Sandwhisker yowls in anger, launching himself towards Beestorm with all the intent to tackle her and batter her, but he never meets his goal; his yowl turns into a startled shriek as he feels teeth sinking into the scruff of his neck, almost piercing the skin, and he’s hauled backwards with all the might Honeystream can muster. She sends him tumbling across the WindClan grass, startled and dazed; he stares up at her with widened eyes, as if shocked she had turned on him so fast.

“If you insist on only being a WindClan warrior, if you insist you are not part of this family, then I will treat you as such!” Honeystream hisses, advancing on her son, who simply mews to her in a frightened voice, “What are you doing?”

“What any rational RiverClan warrior would do if they saw some foreign WindClan warrior attack their own kit,” Honeystream answers boldly, rearing up on her hind paws as she brings her forepaws down; Sandwhisker scrambles away, narrowly missing Honeystream’s paws as she slams onto the dirt, and the cream tabby tom heaves himself to his paws and pelts away, calling over his shoulder, “Let’s go, Morningclaw!”

Morningclaw hesitates, watching as her betrothed takes off, and once he’s out of earshot she turns to the RiverClan warriors with grief clouding her gaze, almost putting out the blazing anger within them.

“I’m - I’m so sorry, I didn’t think he’d do that, I never meant for that to happen. If you want to, you can stay at the border to grieve. I’ll tell my father that I saw you all head off to RiverClan camp, he won’t question me.”

She shifts on her paws, before adding on, “And I can sneak you onto our territory some night, Honeystream, after she’s buried. I’ll take you to her grave.”

Honeystream simply mumbles a quiet “thank you” of appreciation, and Morningclaw bounds away, following Sandwhisker with her ears flattened against the back of her head. At least Honeystream had some sympathy residing within WindClan.

She crumbles to a heap, sobs wracking her body, and her family crowds together; Plumstar pads forward, settling on Honeystream’s side and curling around her old friend, rasping her tongue across Honeystream’s head. Antfoot joins her, curling her tail around Honeystream’s haunches and resting her chin on the larger molly’s shoulders. They grieve together.

If one good thing came from Waspfoot’s death, it was the rekindling of Plumstar and Honeystream’s friendship.

And when the time comes, when a few years later, Plumstar and Antfoot come back to camp carrying Burnetpelt’s limp body, tears in their eyes, Honeystream curls up and grieves with them.

And she curls up next to Plumstar’s body for the final time one cold morning, listening to Antfoot’s horrible sobs die down into broken whimpers; when it’s time to bury Plumstar’s body by the sunset, when it begins to snow and Honeystream must retreat into the elder’s den, dragging Antfoot along with her to ensure she doesn’t freeze to death, Honeystream curls around her best friend’s mate and promises quietly to keep her warm in Plumstar’s place until Plumstar herself can press against Antfoot’s side once more.

[mayabruhbruh]

Stranger Things 4 Analysis and Theory

I don’t know if anyone else has done posts on this stuff yet (it’s really likely, but i’d not want to take the credit if i’m not the only one who’s thought of this)

I know @kaypeace21 has made tons of posts on the s4 movies from Video Store Friday, and many others have theories and analyses, but back in July I took it upon myself to research more into the very last few scenes of s3. Specifically the three months later time stamp, where Steve and Robin are in search for a new job.

My main focus was the four movies that they mentioned for Keith at the counter. “Animal House”, “The Hidden Fortress”, “Children Of Paradise”, and “The Apartment”.

(reminder that if you read this, it could be spoilers for the final cut of the actual show if i end up being correct about some of this, so read at your own risk)

My first theory, which I’ve already discussed in a separate reblog, is about The Hellfire Club. But i’ll say it here too.

Basically,

(sorry for the sucky quality)

Animal House is about two awkward freshmen going into college and joining a fraternity of rejects. It matches Mike, Dustin and the Hellfire Club perfectly! Personally, my lowkey theory is that they’re going to have to go though an entirety of initiation activities (possibly drugs too, if what we’ve heard is correct) and Lucas and Max will be in their own storylines up until the supernatural threat brings them back together again. This could be wayy off, but still its my idea.

As for Max and Lucas...

I’m not sure about the entirety of the plot of this movie, but the last line sounds a lot like something that would happen between Lumax. Lucas is a basketball jock now, I think that’s crystal clear now seeing from the Pep Rally poster, and how he’s always been the one in the group to be able to mask his nerdy side. For Dustin and Mike, I know it’s much harder for them. Anyways, Max, I’m pretty positive by now, is going to be extremely distant and defensive from everyone just like she was in the beginning of s2, since she just had a big change happening in her life. It’s the same now, except with the grief and loss of Billy. My guess, from the hints of this movie and other stuff, is that Lucas is going to come face to face with his reputation as a popular kid, and his love for Max. Like the summary says, he must decide between the advancement of his career or the girl that he loves. Real hard hitting stuff.

Onto the next one. MIKE WHEELER. (or will byers)

I watched an analysis video on this movie, because I haven’t seen it yet, but again the very last line is what I’d like to focus on.

My. Jaw. Dropped.

I’ve read many analyses of Mike Wheeler being gay (courtesy of @kaypeace21 @hawkinsschoolcounselor and MANY others), but I dunno, I was always just so skeptical no matter how much it made sense. But when I saw this WHAT THE HELL?!?’);/&? It’s stupid of me to not have believed it sooner, but I hope this is the movie that foreshadows Mike’s storyline this season. I’m assuming Mike will have to “prove his expertise in battle”, or perhaps prove he can go through with all of the initiation shit for The Hellfire Club, while hiding his growing revelation that he might be gay/bisexual.

BUT a possibly more likely scenario would be that this movie connects with Will Byers’ storyline this season instead. Perhaps the hardships of a new school and a new town has Will shaken up, and he also has his sexuality awakening that he has to hide from new people. I say that it’s more likely for him, because Will has always been more heavily queer-coded (not exactly heavier, but just extremely much more apparent and obvious opposed to Mikes queercoded subtext that we really had to dig for).

I also didn’t mention this in my reblog from earlier, but I want to address my opinions on the apparent cheerleader that meets Mike and befriends one another. One of my friends on twitter said Chrissy (her name, or so we think lmao) might be a key component to Mike being able to discover and come to terms with his sexuality. But then again, a different friend of mine thinks that the amount of content were getting is oddly suspicious, and that the Duffers are feeding us all the wrong information to lead us to all the wrong conclusions. But, at this point, why not both. At the moment, everyone thinks that Chrissy is Mikes new love interest, but what if she really isn’t, and they’re pulling a Robin on us (i call it a robin because it was technically straight-baiting in s3 LMFAO). I’m not saying that she might be a lesbian (although 👀 it says on her character info that she’s 18 (robins got some game to work with now ahaha)) but it could be a straight-bait up until she helps Mike realize his sexuality (i would have said realizes his love for Will😍😍 but recently ive been trying not to input byler into everything i fucking say, so theres how that’s going). Anyways. Last movie!

Now, I’m currently not super concrete on this one to be completely honest. I have a few in mind...

Okay, so don’t attack me, but this could possibly be a mileven storyline. It sort of fits. They have an undeniable connection, but “their fortunes shift considerably and they’re pushed apart” aka the misfortune of the mindflayer and hawkins not being safe for them leads them to moving away and literally being pushed apart. I don’t know about the pursuing other relationships, but we still have no idea what’s going on with El Hopper tbh, i havent a single clue what’s going to be happening with her storyline atm. But either way, that could be it.

ORRRR the MUCH more likely scenario, Jancy :)

Bloggers on here have already predicted that they wouldn’t be endgame, and I was only slightly skeptical because although their relationship was built on shared trauma, a very unstable foundation to have for a ship tbh, i still hung onto the fact that they cared for eachother a lot :,( But the entirety of their season 3 bickering and this summary kind of sealed the deal.

Just like Mike and El, Nancy and Jonathan have been pushed apart aswell. It was already seen in season three that they’d be better of leading separate lives, aka Jonathan was doing fine at the internship, whereas Nancy could have been somewhere better for herself. I doubt they broke up at the end of season 3, but there’s bound to be new relationships for them seperately. It sucks bc I love Jancy, but s3 showed how badly they snap at one another when there isn’t a life threatening event at hand. Jopper on the other hand, I thought their bickering was adorable, but i’m getting off track, sorry lmfaoo.

Once again, I probably am not the first to talk about these, but jsyk if you steal this from me specifically i will track you down and end you. I’ve been speculating about these things since April and July, which is pretty weak tbh, but that was when i had nothing better to do LMFAO. i hope i got at least something right, but i haven’t seen many of the video store friday’s movies, which sucks bc those could really help. But whatever.

(i wrote this really late at night, and it’s poorly edited bc my eyesight sucks lmfao, but i hope you get what i mean)

And that’s it! I hope you like it, or had some sort of impact from it idk, just sharing my thoughts tbh. Anygays, if you have any questions/added ideas/thoughts of any kind, my inbox is always here, you can private message me, and comment if you want!! i love y’all sm lmfao, so excited for the upcoming content were about to get soon, byee!

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out). 

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[porchwood]

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons �� all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

[pinkstarbeam]

The girl down the road has cancer (A plance AU)

DISCLAIMER: THIS AU CONTAINS SENSITIVE TOPICS SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING; CANCER (SPECIFICALLY LEUKEMIA), NEEDLES USED FOR MEDICATION, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, HOSPITALS, AND JUST OVERALL A REALLY FEELS FILLED AU THAT YOU ALL ASKED FOR. ENJOY THE PAIN I’VE WRITTEN FOR YOU, YOU HEATHENS (Love you guys tho o3o~<3)

Lance had lived in the same neighborhood his whole life so when a new family was moving in down the road it immediately peeked the interest of the seventeen year old

With a pie from his Mother in hand that served as a ‘Welcome to the neighborhood’ he walked to the newly occupied house and rang the bell

Matt, the eldest son of the Holt family answered the door which relieved Lance as most the occupants of the neighborhood were retired couples mixed with empty nesters 

“I’d invite you in, but we are still unpacking and my parents want to ‘De-Germ’ themselves before going to see my sister.” Matt joked

“Is your sister a germaphobe or something?” Lance joked back

Matt’s smile faltered “Oh uhm..No..She’s sick.”

“Sick?” Lance asked feeling bad for the joke he made

“Yeah, she was recently diagnosed with Leukemia, she’s in the children’s hospital here because, they specialize in it, hence why we moved here.”

“Oh man...Well tell her that she’s in my families thoughts and prayers.”

Matt’s smile returned a bit “Thanks, Katie will be happy to hear we’ve already met some nice neighbors.”

Just then Matt’s Mom called and the two parted ways

Returning home Lance laid on his bed as he stared at his family portrait on is bedside table, he had no idea how he would handle it if any of his family members ended up getting that sick, the mere thought was enough for tears to sting his eyes. He decided in that moment that when he could, he would go see Katie and do his best to help her though this as a new friend whenever he didn’t have to be elsewhere.

In the hospital Katie sat listening to the machines around her, the constant beeping would have driven any normal person mad, but thanks to growing up around computers she was fairly used to all the many noises they could make

Looking towards her door she watched as one of her doctor came in “You better be here with peanut butter cookies Shiro.”

Shiro laughed as he took a seat on his stool “I’ll see what I can do about getting you some later, for now I need to ask you how you’re feeling right now before we start your first chemotherapy session.”

Katie sighed as she looked down to her hands, she had heard chemo was painful and drained your energy, even if it was supposed to make her feel better, she wasn’t ready to feel that way

“I’m okay..I just...” tears stung her eyes “It’s not fucking fair.”

“Language Katie..”

“I’m sorry but, it’s just...Last summer I was competing at the nationals for robotic design and now i’m..”

“Stuck in a bed.”

“Yeah.”

Shiro gently touched her shoulder “It’s going to be a hard journey Katie, but I can promise you it’s going to be worth is. We cure eighty percent or childhood cancer and though it isn’t good you got sick in the first case, your leukemia is still in it’s early stages which means that within the year you should be able to leave the hospital aside from monthly check ins.”

Katie knew eighty percent was a goo odd, but the twenty percent liked to weigh on her mind more 

After discussing how she felt her first IV based chemotherapy session took place a few hours later once her family had arrived to support her

She felt lousy to the say the least

Her Mother’s grip on her hand was almost painful, but Katie knew her Mother was secretly worrying herself sick behind her strong wife and mom facade

As for her Father he looked as if he hadn’t slept since in who knows how long, actually she did, he hadn’t slept well since her diagnosis

Matt sat at the foot of her bed “A kid your age stopped by today, friendly guy, think he said his name was Lance? He said him and his family will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.”

“How nice of them, isn’t that wonderful Katie?” her Mother asked

Katie didn’t answer, she was feeling weaker by the minute 

“We should let her rest.” Her Father finally spoke “We can take turns coming to see her tomorrow.”

Her Mother and Matt nodded before the three of them said their goodbye’s and I love you’s before Katie allowed the fatigue to take over

Months passed and what was left of Katie’s long sandy brown hair was becoming patchy due to her medicine, she hated it, the mere sight of the patches filled her with anger towards her body, how could she be so weak? Why couldn’t she just die already!?

She quickly backpedaled that thought as she looked to the picture o f her family that sat on her bed side tray

tears began to spill from her eyes as she screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her pillow across the room

Shiro quickly hurried in and was followed by a few nurses

He quickly hugged “Katie, Katie calm down, it’s okay.” he spoke softly as he calmed her down “Look at me.”

Katie slowly pulled her face away from his shoulder looking up at him

“Do I need to ask Adam to come talk to you? Would that help?”

Katie nodded, Adam was the teen therapist at the hospital as well as Shiro’s husband, the two of them keeping her sane when her family wasn’t around

Shortly afterwards Adam came in and gave Katie a small smile “Tough morning pidge?”

The sound of her nickname lifted her heart a bit, she hated how formal her name was beginning to sound.

“I...I don’t..”

“It’s okay, take you time.”

She nodded and took a deep breath “I...I keep getting these thoughts..”

“Thoughts?”

Another nod “I..I thought that maybe things would be easier..if i just..died.”

She noticed Adam’s face fall before he took of his glasses “Can you pinpoint why you thought that?”

“It’s just, if I hadn’t gotten sick my-”

“I’m going to stop you there, Katie, you did not choose to get sick and there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent this.” he gave he a small smile “You’re getting better, I know the medicine makes you feel gross, but  that means it’s working and if it’s working then that means you’re nearly out of here.”

Katie held a fistful of her blanket “..Things will never be normal again will they?”

“Well.” Adam paused “There is no such thing as normal, life likes to throw us curve balls just to mess with us, but the best way to hit them for a home run is adaptation.”

“What do you mean?” Katie asked

“Change is a part of life, it itself is basically the curve ball, if you allow the change to come, you can hit it and show life that you’re not backing down.”

Katie smiled a bit “Just like with my cancer..”

Adam’s smile widened “Exactly, you’re showing life that you’re going to fight to live, that change won’t stop you.”

Katie opened her arms and Adam chuckled giving her a hug “Anything else?”

“I..Could we shave my head?”

Adam blinked in shock “Are you sure?”

Katie nodded “It’s not weakness...It’s progression.”

Lance had been stopping by ever since he was given the okay, at first he only came when Matt was there but, after getting a bit closer to Katie he began to come see her after his chores

“Afternoon Ka-” he paused see Katie wearing a green knitted beanie that looked like it had little cat ears

“Cat got your tongue McClain?”“ Katie asked as she forced herself to eat her lunch

“You cut it off-er I mean, not that it looks bad!” Lance rubbed the  back of his neck

“It’ll grow back once i’m finally in remission.”

Lance took a seat in the chair by her bed “Any word when that’ll be?”

“Well it’s been nearly half a year..Weird to think it’s nearly Christmas.” Katie aid looking to the Christmas lights that one of her nurses had hung up for her

“So half a year to go then.” Lance said trying to keep the air happy

“Yeah..” she looked down at the cold tomato soup and sighed “I just..If I get one Christmas miracle it will be that i’m out of here before my sixteenth birthday.”

“When is that?” he asked sipping his water

“April 3rd”

“I mean, that’s not a crazy wish, it’s only two months short of a year.”

“I’ve had to do my sophomore year online, which isn’t bad, but I wish I at least had friends- well other then you I mean, life real classmates.” she sighed

“Well if you’re in remission that means you’ll get to come to school next year and bask in my seniority.”

“If you don’t get held back” she snorted

“W o w.” he flicked a chip at her

Katie laughed “Hey!”

A smile crossed Lance’s face, he secretly loved it whenever she laughed, it made his heart happy to see her happy

The first time he met her she could barely even speak to him and now here she was laughing with him

“Oh right! Did you ask Allura to the prom yet?” Katie asked sipping her juice

“That’s like asking if I, a lowly farmer, have taken the hand of a princess.” Lance huffed

“Oh please, just ask her out already you pansy.”

“What about you?”

Katie blink “What about me?”

“If i’m at the prom then who will be here with you?”

Katie fanned her hand hiding the slight blush that colored her cheeks “I’ll be fine, i’ll just make fun of your monkey suit another day.”

He snorted “I’ll have you know I look great in a tux.”

“Cause you’re a monkey.”

As Katie’s birthday drew closer she began to think she was stuck until June, but then, two days before her birthday, Shiro came in

“Are you ready to go home?”

“Shiro that’s not funny, I know it’s April fools day, bu-”

He shook his head “You’re officially in remission Katie.”

Katie felt tears sting her eyes “You promise you’re not joking?”

He nodded “We went over you last charts and it seems that your leukemia is nearly gone, we’ll need you to come on for monthly check ups though.”

Katie was sobbing into her hands, she couldn’t believe it, she was going to finally leave the hospital after nearly a year

After hugging her Shiro left to call her parents, and Katie, well Katie called Lance

“He..Hello? Katie? Katie it’s five in the m-”

“They are releasing me today!”

“Wait what?!”

“I’m in remission Lance! I got my wish.”

Lance smiled “Will you get to come to school for the last month?”

“I doubt that, I’ll have to wait till next term, but that means we can hang out this summer.’

“Oh yeah! And you can finally meet my friend Hunk, you’ll love the big guy, he’s great!”

The two talked well until Lance had to leave for school and soon enough Katie was standing in front of her new home

“It’s not truly home but-” Her dad began but she cut him of

“Wherever you guys are is home..”

Her parents and Matt hugged her tightly before heading in

Baebae quickly bounding towards her girl who she had missed oh no much

By the time Lance got out of school Katie had finally gotten her room to her liking

With a knock Katie allowed him in

Lance walked in and couldn’t wipe the smile of his face as Katie stood there watering some succulents

“Not gonna miss that hospital smell.” he joked

she giggled ‘I’m not gonna miss it at all.” she sat down on her bed

“So are you okay to leave the house?” he asked

“I’m supposed to take it easy for a bit, my body is already sore from just moving back home.” Katie admitted

Understanding Katie had to think about her health he settled or the two of them catching up on RWBY on her laptop

As prom  got closer the more Lance was beginning to worry about prom, he had wanted to ask Allura, but here recently he guessed his crush had faded

When he thought about about the type of girl he liked he came to a very quick conclusion 

He liked Katie

However Katie couldn’t come to prom seeing as it wouldn’t be safe for her, because if she got sick again he would never forgive himself

So, he got an idea

Come prom night Katie heard a knock down stairs and went to answer it to find Lance standing on her front porch in his tuxedo whilst holding a bouquet of flowers

“Wow you do actually clean up nice.” Katie smiled “Are you on your way to pick up Allura?”

“Nope.” he held the bouquet out to her

Her cheeks turned slightly red “What are these for?” she asked taking them

“Well, this is my way of asking you to my personal prom.” 

“Personal prom?”

He nodded “I was just gonna dance the night away by myself, but I thought it would be more fun with you.”

She snorted “You’re such a dork.”

“Only for you.”

The two went up to her room and  turned on some music

Matt and her parents even joining in at times 

Between dancing they took video game breaks and before either of them realized it was well past midnight

Katie laughed as she laid back on her beanbag holding her wii remote up in victory “I win!”

“Only because you blue shelled me on the second lap!” Lance huffed

“Oh shush you hit me with a bullet in the first lap.”

“Touche.”

There was was a knock on her door and the two looked up to see her dad standing there

“You two should get some sleep it’s late, Lance if you want you can sleep downstairs.”

“It’s alright, it’s not like I live far.” he smiled getting up “I’ll see you tomorrow Katie.” he waved as he grabbed his suit jacket and left

Sam followed him out “Hey Lance.”

Lance turned to look at him “Yes Mr.Holt?”

“My students call me Mr.Holt, feel free to call me Sam.”

he nodded

“I just wanted to thank you for befriending Katie, she didn’t have a lot of friends outside her robotics team back at home, so when she got sick it was easy to tell she felt alone.”

Lance smiled “She’s a cool girl..It’s an honor just to get to be her friend.”

Sam chuckled a bit “Probably would be a bigger honor to be her boyfriend huh?”

Lance turned red as he gave a nervous laugh “I-I mean.”

Sam laid a hand on his shoulder “Relax, I think you’re good for her so, if you ever want to ask her out one of these days you have my blessing.”

Lance felt a smile come over his face “Alright, good night Mr- Sam!” and with that he headed home unable to wipe the grin off his face

Summer came and Katie sat in Lance’s back yard reading as Lance swam in his pool

“Katie come on the water is nice!” Lance whined

“I already told you I don’t want to swim.” Katie laughed

In all honesty, she actually didn’t know how 

However the next thing she knew a wet Lance was  throwing her over his shoulder causing her to drop her book “Lance don-”

But it was too late, the boy already jumped in the pool

When they came up for air Katie was coughing and clinging onto Lance for dear life

“See it fee-..Are you okay?” he asked worried when he felt her shaking

“I can’t swim.” she admitted coughing up some water

Lance immediately felt like shit “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s embarrassing, i’m sixteen and can’t go past the five foot line..”

“I could always teach you? Then we can go on a beach date!”

Katie blinked blushing slightly “Date?”

Lance quickly realized what he said “I-I mean if you-”

She laughed splashing him with a bit of water “Date it is.”

//Thank you guys or being patient with me

[nerdybookahs]

Writing about my Top Games of 2019 was a bit too short-sighted, apparently. I have seen others talk about their games of the decade – most recently Rakuno’s post. And then I figured that I could add another “top games” post here. I mean, it is my blog and it has been filled with lots and lots of talk about games… not in the past decade, but close (I started in March 2011)!

So let’s see… which games deserve to be called favourite or even best games in this time span? Should it be the games that gave you the most hours of entertainment? Or should a game of the decade be one that surprised you somehow? That was breathtaking in graphics (or audio, etc.) or just so immersive, you still think about it? I’m not going to dwell on these questions for too long and will go with my intuition, which means that it will probably be a good mix of all of these points. There is no ranking of games as I did in my other posts. Each of them earns a spot in its own way.

I tried to remember what I did at the beginning of the decade. At that time, I had more or less stopped playing LotRO and Warhammer Online was about to close, but I had left that one much earlier already. Despite not playing either Rift or Guild Wars 2 anymore nowadays, both have been my MMO home for quite some time. Rift (launched March 2011) most of all for its open world events and its housing system. Guild Wars 2 (launched August 2012) also because of the open world events and the horizontal progression at endgame. Even though I found the living world season 1 to be too stressful with its content being available for 2 or 4 weeks and then disappearing forever, in hindsight I still think it was the best content they released (not every single piece of it, but taken everything together). If only it hadn’t been time-limited. But most of all, I love the game for the community. Being a part of Dragon Season (our guild) has given me the opportunity to get to know so many amazing new people and I remember many fun hours spent together, doing guild missions or our guild events.

If I go by time played, other than the MMOs, I will have lots of city builders and management games come out on top. In some cases, this is certainly fitting and these games belong in my top list. With others, the advantage of being a game that is built on taking a long time to play would be unfair. So, out of the long list of games from these genres, Tropico 4 (launched September 2011) immediately comes to my mind. The music, the humour, the gameplay. I love everything about it and it’s a game that I can still launch and play and have fun with today. Then there is Jurassic World Evolution (launched June 2018) which belongs in my top list simply because it amazes me how real the dinosaurs seem and when I think back to my early days of playing on the C64 and how amazed I was by printing out birthday invitations made on… the C64 or the Amiga, I actually don’t remember… It was certainly pixel art, that’s for sure… But let’s get back to the past decade: My inner child is still amazed by graphics like these! And my inner child who loved the first Jurassic Park film is also amazed that suddenly, she can create her own park on her PC!

One thing I do not like is side-scrolling games – except for Terraria (launched May 2011) where I think it works perfectly. I especially like how open the world feels despite being 2D only and how immersive it is despite the simple graphics. However, once Trove launched (July 2015), I more or less stopped playing Terraria. I know, Trove isn’t a Terraria-clone, but it fills the space of digging through the world for me. Part of the appeal of Trove is certainly having a lot of other players around. I just like seeing others around me, even if I usually play on my own.

Whenever I played Civilization, I kept whining that there is too much of a focus on war. I didn’t want to fight! Also, the stacks of doom in Civilization IV were annoying. I wanted to conquer peacefully through culture instead. And then I found the first Warlock game (Warlock: Master of the Arcane, launched May 2012)… and I conquered through war. And I loved it! The game has a sequel, Warlock II: The Exiled (launched April 2014) which I like even more. So, the game series as a whole is in my top list.

L. A. Noire (launched November 2011 for PC) is one of the first games I actually played through. And the immersion level has been amazing! I’m still not happy about the ending, but I guess that just shows how much I could identify with the main character. Another detective game is Sherlock Holmes: Crimes and Punishments (launched September 2014). Ever since playing this game, I want more like it! Unfortunately, the sequel, Sherlock Holmes: The Devil’s Daughter, couldn’t win me over like the other one did. And then there is The Painscreek Killings (launched September 2017) where your task is to figure out who killed Vivian Roberts. Other than that, you’re on your own exploring the now abandoned village. I did not like the little extra play sequence at the end, but other than that, it was a really good game. There is no guidance where to go first and what to do next. There are no quests or missions and no direction. I did manage to figure out everything in the end and it was a very enjoyable journey.

Life is Strange (launched 2015) cannot be missing from my list. If I did any ranking, it would be very high up. I’m still pestering bookahnerk to pick up the game and play through it because I want to hear his opinion about this one moment (no spoiler!) where you need to make a certain choice. I think you only have this one choice in order to advance, so it’s basically not a choice. But I sat here with tears in my eyes imagining how I’d feel if I was ever asked to do something like this by a person close to me.

Last but not least, I haven’t listed any action RPGs (as you may have noticed, I did dig through my favourite game genres to detect all possible games). There is definitely Torchlight 2 (launched September 2012) followed closely by Grim Dawn (launched February 2016). In this case I say “follow”, because I feel that even though I’ve been playing it for a long time, I haven’t even seen a third of the content that Grim Dawn has to offer. And yet, it is such a strong game with an interesting world and very compelling classes. Torchlight 2, on the other hand, seems like a lightweighted action RPG in comparison. But it has the pet system and no matter which ARPG I’m playing, I always wish I had a little helper like that who I can send to town to sell all the items I found. It saves so much time and adds convenience, but not at the expense of immersion.

I’ve got one honorable mention: The Secret World/Secret World Legends (launched June 2012). I absolutely love the idea and the atmosphere of the game! However, I find the gameplay itself too clunky and I never liked how combat felt, including the character’s animations. So while it has something that makes it very memorable for me, I just couldn’t play it for a long enough time. Hence, the honorable mention. It tried, but it didn’t really succeed with me.

I guess that’s it – unless I forgot some game now which I probably did. There are so many more games that I enjoyed playing, of course. But these do stand out for one reason or another.

My Top Games of the Decade Writing about my Top Games of 2019 was a bit too short-sighted, apparently. I have seen others talk about their games of the decade - most recently…

[malinosh]

Live. Pray. Heal.

The last four months have been a bit of a whirlwind and I’ve been kind of MIA recently with everything going on. For those that don’t know, I had right sided hearing loss gradually happen in January. I asked an ENT friend to look in my ear since I have a history of wax buildup that sounded (or lack of) exactly like that. He said I need to get in to see ENT officially since there was little wax. I finally got in to see ENT and found out I have right sensorineural hearing loss. They ordered an MRI to rule out an acoustic neuroma. Once the results came back, everyone panicked because it was abnormal, seeing areas of white ring enhancing lesions in multiple lobes of my brain. I was hospitalized in early April for 3 days to do a big workup. My symptoms were only the right hearing loss, and inability to move my eyes left that has been like that for 3-4 years.

Here’s what I wrote over the course of my hospital stay:

“Walking into an empty hospital room when you’re the patient, (always otherwise healthy) with tears gently streaming down your face because it is a weird site. I am used to being on the other side, taking care of patients.

Then the nervousness sets in. Neurology comes by within an hour and states I will need a lumbar puncture, tomorrow after 2pm since the attending is gone. After, I got so many sticks and blood drawn for tests and cultures and my IV placed. And I finally went to sleep, of course being woken up for vitals and then again for rounds.

The next day was the hardest day. There was more phlebotomy. Constant tests were being done, constant pokes for new labs that were added, and constant traveling down for various new imaging I haven’t before experienced. It started with a chest CT, then they needed a head CT angiogram, and also a pelvis CT to rule out metastasis. Then there were more lab draws, and it seemed like the tests just kept coming.

My spinal tap was finally getting done around 4:30 that afternoon. It was painful with lots of pressure, and not the most fun thing in the world. It was basically what I expected. I was grateful he got some CSF, and got enough. My tubes were a clear liquid, which is good news (I took a photo). And I had to lay flat for 2 hrs after the procedure to let it heal.

Oye. I have been knocked down and kicked around both mentally and emotionally already, but now including physically (and emotionally again). I want there to be an answer, but praying it is easily curable and not autoimmune or a tumor.”

I am now following up with my 6+ specialist doctors as an outpatient so I can still work. Neurology set me up to get high dose IV steroid infusions to fight the non-specific inflammation and see how I respond. That’s what they’ve narrowed it down to. They’ve ruled out some of the scarier processes like tumors or metastasis, infectious diseases like meningitis, and MS due to a lack of demyelination. I see rheumatology/immunology soon to see if it is autoimmune but there is no evidence of anything in my family so that may also be abnormal. We still don’t have answers except that it’s narrowed down to inflammation.

Anyhow, I’m currently sitting here at the infusion center getting my IV steroids and I can’t help but think of everything that has happened recently. After all, I’ve had at least 8 hours to do basically nothing but reflect on everything, pray, listen to Christian music, and write. So it’s no wonder I’m getting personal on y’all.

Everyone who knows me knows my happy, fun, and kind spirit. I am a people pleaser, and (for the most part) enjoy the company of others and meeting people. But these days I am not myself. I have struggled for the beginning of 2019 with hearing problems, health scares, identity issues, trying to find a job and mild depression believing things will look up at some point. All the while I am doing my job to the best of my ability and completing the grueling job of an OMFS intern when I have no idea what the next step in my life will be. I’ve been beaten down, kicked around, and some would say if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. Well, currently I’m still wondering what is wrong with my health and with me, and if this will truly make me stronger.

Hearing is one of the 5 senses, and I would argue while all senses are important, it is, along with vision, one of the most important senses for defensive purposes and life in general. I am helpless just waiting while I have sensorineural hearing loss in my right ear for an unknown reason besides inflammation that fluctuates. I am overall healthy and have no extremely loud hobbies (guns, rock bands, etc). Some days are worse and some are better, but no matter what I still cannot hear as well as I can hear in my left ear. I constantly am asking Travis and coworkers, “what?” And I have so many thoughts about this. I wonder if this will affect my job, will it spread to other cranial nerves, will I have to be on disability, what about my loans? What about my future for a husband and kids? What if I can’t hear my children crying at night? And if you know me, you know how musical I am, will this continue, will I still be able to hear the beautiful sound of music? Will I have to learn sign language? But the general public does not speak in sign language. And I definitely have the adventure bug - can I even travel on an airplane anymore?

Not to mention my brain - what helps make me live, what helps make me who I am. They told me there’s something wrong?! I was absolutely flabbergasted, dumbfounded.

I have prayed and talked to doctors who tell me I am going about this in a healthy way. And I keep reminding myself He made the blind see and the deaf hear.

I felt as though I was in a dark, dark forest with no light at the end and unable to hear well so I am using my arms to feel my way toward an exit and praying it is the right one. I am scared.

I just pray that whoever is reading this does not take advantage of their senses, and their health, which is easy to do when everything works well. Things can change at any minute.

Sure, I didn’t match, again - my passion, my dream, I am heartbroken. Yes, I’m still looking for a job for 2 months from now. But all of that seems to fizzle and not mean as much when you’re told there’s abnormalities in your brain for an unknown reason.

When I was a little girl I had a pretty accurate vision of how I thought my life would turn out. I have made a lot of it happen so far. But things are still totally different than what I expected. I would’ve been married by now and planning to have children. I would be a successful doctor, with a good job and beginning to start my life and have the ability to travel. I also never imagined living outside of Michigan. Well all of that deserves a chuckle. It’s one thing to be goal-oriented and determined, like myself, but if there are other plans for you, then there is no point in fighting. What is meant to happen will happen.

Yep, when I am finally in a good place in this crazy life, I will definitely have one heck of a testimony. I just pray it comes sooner than later and I come out with all my senses and my health, and the wisdom that comes with all this. My purpose in life is not fulfilled and I must have a great purpose.

The Unknown. It’s a dark, scary state that is a capitalized state of purgatory. It’s what brings on worry and stress, and causes your mind to spiral downward into a never-ending abyss thinking and believing the worst. When in reality, it may be something minor, or it may actually be the worst. It’s the unknown.

No matter what the case is - it may be a disease or health condition, a job or time in your career. It may be your family (or lack of), a way of life, all of the above or something that was not mentioned. We all experience the situation of the unknown. It can be terrifying.

I’m writing this to share my experience, and to try to give us all hope. It’s this little thing called life, where we don’t have a crystal ball to tell the future, nor should we want one. We have good times, and we have bad. But others may say this unknown is a part of life and “fun” because we should experience the ride of life and not the end place. Which is all so true. But we need to have hope.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” - Jeremiah 29:11

[luucarii]

Persona 5 Ramblings

this shit is long. like really long.

and I sound like a crazed fangirl so....

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. IM TALKING ABOUT LIKE ALMOST EVERYTHING BUD!!!

also, i curse way too much in this... apologies in advance 

also, happy father’s day even though this has nothing to do with it :)

THIS IS ALL BACKGROUND ON ME BEFORE I GOT THE GAME SKIP TO THE NEXT BOLD PART IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MY OPINION ON THE GAME ITSELF.

Okay, so I’ve mentioned vaguely how Persona 5 is my first encounter with the Persona series. I’d heard bits and pieces about the series but I never really understood the concept of Persona until maybe mid April of this year. I was on spring break from school and I don’t remember how exactly how I stumbled across it but i found this playthrough of Persona 5 on youtube and I was mildly interested. So I clicked on it, and into the emotional rollercoaster that is this game i went.

At the time, there was only about 11 episodes of the play through (each around an hour long) so I binged watched each episode ending up with me staying up past 2 am. I was just so invested. The opening drew me in the minute the camera showed off that smug little bastard Joker’s smirk over the casino (I’ll get into why I love this kid and the rest of the cast later). I was confused since I was going into Persona 5 with no knowledge of the whole concept of Personas at all. I was kinda just like “wow this looks badass. What is he doing? Oh my god, this game is so pretty.”

I ended up skipping around once I got tired of waiting for a new episode and watched this long ass livestream. I got to about Okumura’s Palace before there was nothing left for me to watch but the boss battles uploaded, which did spoil me a little bit and got me a bit confused but I was so interested that I honestly didn’t care. I was so surprised at Niijima’s Palace and her boss battle as a whole and was like “SHIT THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME!!!! OH MY GOD EVERYTHINGS BACK”

From there, I skipped straight to the traitor - aka Akechi’s battle - and can I just say, I was not surprised that he had a Persona but I was surprised that he betrayed the group considering all the story shit I skipped. Shido’s fight was fairly interesting to me but again, I skipped a bunch of story shit so I was really just rooting for the Phantom Thieves because this was THE ASSHOLE WHO GAVE MY POOR LITTLE AKIRA A CRIMINAL RECORD.

Skipped a bunch of shit again and onto the fight with Yaldobaoth. At this point I was drawing a lot of similarities to Xenoblade Chronicles, fighting a God for freedom and then THEY PULLED THE WHOLE BELIEF THINGY (which they did at the end of Okami as well) AT THE END WITH MISHIMA AND THE REST OF TOKYO BELIEVING IN THE THIEVES AND I WAS SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH AT 2 AM.

And after that, I made it a point that one day I’d play this game for myself. And it was maybe a few days after that I finally got the game.

Now at the time (and still now) I didn’t own a PS4 and was forced to use my brother’s when he was at work. Adding to the fact that school was beginning to start up again, I had at most maybe 6 hours to play a day if homework didn’t take up all my time. So what might’ve taken me a few weeks to beat took me almost 2 months to beat because of timing. 

BUT OH WELL, I HAD THE GAME, I PLAYED THE GAME, I LOVED THE GAME AND NOW IM GOING TO SQUEAL LIKE A FANGIRL OVER EVERY ASPECT OF THIS GAME THAT I ADORED.

GAMEPLAY

Okay, so I’ve played my fair share of JRPGs and Persona 5 was a nice familiarity. All the dungeon crawling, the fighting, turn-base combat, ya’ll get it.

BUT UM THESE DUNGEONS (Palaces if you would) ARE FREAKING GORGEOUS, HELL THE GAME ITSELF IS GORGEOUS.

Each Palace and their respective Shadow ruler has their own design, personality and each are based on the seven deadly sins which (after finishing FullMetal Alchemist a few months earlier) I thought was clever and interesting.

Kamoshida’s castle was a nice balance of a first dungeon and “hey we’re not gonna hold your hand, this is fairly simply kill some Shadows, find the infiltration route and don’t get kicked out.” ALSO RYUJI AND ANN’S AWAKENINGS. JUST THAT. INCREDIBLE.

Madarame’s museum had a little bit more difficulty but was still fairly easy. The security bars kinda gave me a little anxiety considering I was still getting used to all the controls (I had just finished an Xbox One game before playing this so my buttons were mixed up) and the little painting guessing game was a bit dumb considering each Sayuri looked EXACTLY THE SAME TO ME (except the color swapped ones) ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING YUSUKE WAS THERE AND COULD HAVE EASILY TOLD US BUT NO HE WANTED TO TEST AKIRA’S ART SKILL. ARE YOU APART OF THE PHANTOM THIEVES OR NOT YUSUKE??????????

but i digress…

Kaneshiro’s bank was fun but GOD SEND THOSE FREAKING SECURITY CAMERAS AND THOSE SHADOW DOGS TO HELL OH MY GOD I HATED THOSE. See my thing is, I’m not exactly a stealthy person. Which is why I love hiding because you can sneak up on Shadows and ambush them easily. I hate raising security level and those damn dogs were so annoying and just ugh. Those dogs are honestly one of the few grips I have with the game. Also, MAKOTO IS THE ACTUAL QUEEN.

Futaba’s temple was by far the longest one for me in terms of gameplay hours (in game time took me about 2-3 days) but it was still fun nonetheless and I’m glad Futaba (who is one of my favorite female characters) got some closure on her story with her mother and was able to rise above that. I’m a sucker for tragic backstories when their well executed. (i still to this day do not know how to pronounce her Persona…)

Okumura’s spaceship was my favorite aesthetically because I’ve always been interested in space and the stars and the little puzzle at the end with the space pockets was a nice bit of challenging and flying through Metaverse space. ALSO HARU HAS FLUFFY FLUFF HAIR AND HAS MY SECOND FAVORITE PHANTOM THIEF OUTFIT 

hmm, i wonder who has my favorite Phantom Thief outfit... Joker... It’s Joker... god damn those red gloves

Niijima’s casino, which OH MY GOD WERE BACK TO THE BEGINNING AND AKECHI’S WITH US AHH, and WHIMS OF FATE IS BEST PALACE THEME.

It was my favorite palace, no questions asked.

Shido’s ship was another long one but finally getting revenge on this dick was incredible. Also, AKECHI AND RYUJI PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS.

Mementos was a good idea as a whole but the way it was executed everything just sort of blended together for me and there were only a few requests that stood out to me. The music was bland (one of the blandest on the soundtrack, especially compared to the other Palace themes casually mentions Whims of Fates again) and during the late floors of Mementos, everything got so dark and it was really hard to see.

CHARACTERS

expect this to be me screaming a lot.

Akira Kurusu (Protagonist)

okay, um, i love this boy. like a lot. LIKE I WOULD DIE FOR HIM.

For a silent protagonist this guy sure has a lot of character. The rare times he speaks in cutscenes, specifically the ones where he’s Joker, he has this sort of cocky arrogance yet when he’s little Akira in his Shujin uniform he’s a quiet little curious boy. He’s incredible under pressure, like there’s only a few things that make him crack and his dialogue options are priceless.

I especially love Joker because I’m an honest to god mess when it comes to smug bastards and I have an unhealthy love for those crimson gloves of his.

But honestly he doesn’t deserve half the shit he gets in game. Besides the whole “game” set up by Yaldobaoth, he was sent away from his family and presumedly the friends he had back in his hometown all because of his probation, literally no one treats him with any sort of respect when he gets to Shibuya. Sojiro reminds him countless times the first what 3-4 months that he’ll be kicked out if he breaks his probation which (besides doing all that illegal shit as Phantom Thieves) he honestly just goes to school (a place where he gets even more shit from teachers and students), hangs out a little after and comes straight home. I know Akira’s been established to have a bad reputation because of his record but don’t these people have eyes??? Can’t they see that he’s obviously not a bad guy based on what he’s doing in school and not getting involved with the police??? Sojiro's exempt from this because he at least grows to like having Akira around and trusts him enough to go out at night, work in the store alone and lock up from him when he leaves.

AKIRA IS A GOOD BOY WHO DIDN’T DESERVE ALL THE SHIT GIVEN TO HIM

Also, Xander Mobus did a good ass job with his voice

Ryuji Sakamoto

see this post that basically sums up my feelings on this boy.

Also, Max Mittelman.

Ann Takamaki

CAN I JUST SAY ANN IS ONE OF THE BESTEST FRIENDS IVE EVER SEEN???????

Like she went through all that shit with Kamoshida, the harassment, possibly rape, all for freaking Shiho’s sake. Just… wow. That’s some freaking loyalty there. Shiho's the closest friend she has at Shujin (at least before the events of the game) and God knows how long she went along with Kamoshida’s bullshit all for Shiho. I mean I may sound a bit repetitive but holy shit that just amazes  me. SHE. ENDURED. SEXUAL. HARASSMENT. ALL. FOR. HER. BEST. FRIEND. And the minute she watched Shiho’s suicide attempt that was it. Any last bit of restraint she had left broke and she went full on at Kamoshida all for revenge for her best friend. My god.

Onto her confidant ranks, Ann is just a charismatic bundle of joy who just wants to make people happy. Yeah she butted heads with that girl (forgot her name…) and did fall down a little in terms of confidence but Akira and Shiho helped her through it and brought her back on her path of what she wants to do… Just ugh, I love Ann so much.

Yusuke Kitagawa

Yusuke’s a fan favorite and for good reason.

His backstory about how Madarame took him in after his mom died and overlooked his painting which led to the later plagiarism is an interesting one and I love how the Sayuri, the only thing left to connect him to his mother, is an important factor that leads to his realization of “oh shit this guy’s a dick who watched my mom die without helping her and he used me for money and fame.”

As a character though, Yusuke’s freaking weird. But i love him because of it. He has his formal tongue but that formal tongue casually overlooks any weird shit that comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t give any flying fucks about what people think of him and he speaks his mind like there’s no tomorrow. I still crack up at the nude painting scene with him and Ann because his mix of awkwardness and passion to paint a nice ass picture is just incredible. Also, another thing. He’s. So. Damn. Passionate. Like he ties art into everything, even fighting Shadows and he’s always looking for new ideas for paintings.

Also, Matt Mercer

Makoto Niijima

MAKOTO IS QUEEN.

She’s not my favorite female, that role goes to Futaba but she’s definitely number 2.

I genuinely have a love for the Niijima sisters because they complement each other so well. Sae’s the head of the house who also works tirelessly just to support her younger sister and it’s clear to see why Makoto would feel useless. She’s a high school student and as a student you really can’t do much that’ll pay the bills and keep food on the table unless you have a job which Makoto’s student council president and (i’m assuming) is in everything so it’d probably be hard as is to get a job and be of some sort of use to her sister. Then Kaneshiro comes around threatening her and Thieves and her sister and she just doesn’t want to feel useless anymore. She wants to do something after being forced to sit back and watch other people be counted on. And just, ugh, her awakening is by far my favorite out of all of them just because of everything behind it and just MAKOTO IS AMAZING, CASE CLOSED.

Also, Cherami Leigh.

Futaba Sakura

By far my favorite female as I feel our personalities are pretty damn similar. Besides her being a hacker and me not knowing anything about possibly illegal things like that, I relate to Futaba as she’s an introvert. She and I value our alone time and (although for different reasons) like being shut in. Now I’m not going to say Futaba and I share the same backstory because my God I’m honestly baffled how this girl went through years in solitude after her mother’s death thinking it was her fault. For one, she WATCHED HER MOTHER DIE IN FRONT OF HER. HOLY SHIT HOW DID THIS GIRL MANAGE TO FUNCTION WITH THAT MENTAL IMAGE IMPRINTED IN HER BRAIN???? AND THEN FOR YEARS ON END SHE LOCKED HERSELF UP AWAY FROM THE WORLD AND BEGAN HAVING ACTUAL PHYSICAL AND VERBAL HALLUCINATIONS AND IF IT WASNT FOR THE PHANTOM THIEVES SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE ENDED UP KILLING HERSELF AND I DONT WANT TO THINK OF A WORLD WITHOUT THIS ADORABLE LITTLE OTAKU.

also, i really ship her and Yusuke Inari

Haru Okumura

For one, Haru is freaking adorable, I mean look at her. She has the short little fluffy fluff hair and her voice is so light and feathery and polite and WHY DOES SHE COME SO LATE IN THE DAMN GAME????

I was lucky enough to manage to finish her confidant before the end of the game but when her confidant first opened up to me (getting rank 5 Proficiency was a bitch) at that point I was planning on not doing her confidant at all, I was just planning on getting Baton Pass and ditching her because I didn’t think I’d finish it. I did (at the cost of not finishing Makoto’s, still extremely disappointed on that) and I have to say Haru’s confidant was by far my favorite one out of the ones I maxed out.

Her whole thing is now that her father’s dead, she’s basically the one inheriting everything from Okumura Foods and she never really understood anything to begin with and she thinks everyone who’s trying to help her is just doing it for their own self-gain.  Okumura Foods, at this point, is attempting to rise back up after all the shit her father put the company through and all the current bad reputation it has. Haru’s never had a chance in her life to make things for herself. She’s always been told what to do and has been very obedient (even agreeing to marry a literal dickhead all for her father’s company) and suddenly she’s given all control and doesn’t know what to do with it. All these happy smiling faces offering their help just seem like people attempting to take advantage of her incompetence. Akira helps her through it like the amazing boy that he is and Haru ends up finally being able to speak her mind about the company and what SHE wants to do. She gives the company up to someone who she believes is trustworthy and decides that she’ll one day open a small little cafe like Leblanc in the future after college. And honestly, just her overcoming her distrust and her previous shell of being obedient to rising up and making her own decisions it makes me so happy and proud to see her grow and change and just UGGH I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS DAMN CAST.

Morgana

This cat, literally this cat. HE BELONGS WITH AKIRA AND THE REST OF THE THIEVES NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

Loud-mouthed, a little bit arrogant, Morgana is just an amazing character in general for me. I know Ryuji’s technically supposed to be the comic relief (and he does fulfill this role, don’t get me wrong) but I feel Morgana takes this spot too, especially the two bickering like an old married couple. I know some people hate on Morgana because of how he treats Ryuji and the amount of “go to bed” memes on Tumblr but all around Morgana is just a cat who was just looking for a place to call home. He was just looking for people to accept him.

And a part of me honestly hopes if there’s an add on for this game in the future, Morgana gets a human form because I’d love to see that.

Also, please tell me I’m not the only one who still mixes up Morgana’s gender. I still sometimes call him a her just out of habit because I can’t hear Cassandra Lee Morris as anything but a girl.

Also, Cassandra Lee Morris.

Goro Akechi

OKAY SO CONTROVERSY??? MAYBE??

I LIKE AKECHI

NO FUCK THAT

I LOVE AKECHI

LIKE HONEST TO GOD THIS BOY DESERVED BETTER.

Don’t misunderstand, I know he killed people. I know he caused all those shutdowns and was planning on killing the Thieves and eventually Shido himself (which now begs the question, say he did kill Shido, what next?)

I’m not denying anything he did. And yes, his backstory (although extremely saddening) does not justify his actions. He knew what he was doing and he still did it.

Akechi took the wrong path in his life. If anything you can sort of compare his story to Futaba’s in the sense that they both lost family members and were left with nothing. In Futaba’s case however, she still had people trying to help her. She had Sojiro who took her in after her uncle was abusing her or something and she had the Thieves who literally changed her heart and made her see the truth.

Akechi had absolutely nobody.

His mom died (suicide if I remember correctly), he was thrown into foster care, his own father (seriously, fuck Shido. Not just because of how he was with Akechi but everything in this damn game) didn’t even knew he existed. He had no acknowledgement, no affection, nothing. He was forced to make do with what little scraps he could find and make a life for himself.

Again, don’t misunderstand me. I know he killed people and his backstory does not justify his actions because he knew what he was doing was wrong. I’m just saying maybe if he had someone, anyone who was there to help him out, to pull him out of his misery he most likely would have been a different person. He wouldn’t have had his revenge for Shido be his only reason for living and he wouldn’t have gone out the way he did. It’s hard not to feel bad for him. He’s been alone all his damn life and all this guy really wanted was a friend, some teammates, people who wanted him around. I just wish Akechi had gotten a way to repent. I hate the fact that he died. One because we lost a good character and two because I genuinely believe that he wanted to change at the end. Akira changed him. The Thieves changed him. I wish he had gotten an ending where he could own up to his mistakes and be able to make up for lost time.

Just… ugh.

I’m apart of the “Akechi deserved better” group.

And I also ship Akeshu really really really hard.

Also, Robbie Daymond was freaking fantastic.

VERDICT

THIS IS LONG ENOUGH SO LET ME SUM IT UP IN A SENTENCE.

PERSONA 5 IS AMAZING, I LOVED IT.

[madhousescapeearchive]

Hi, Can you explain your theory to me on why you think The Titanic was switched/swapped and intentionally sunk? I love these kinds of things lol x Thanks in advance!

:-) i would be more than happy to do that for u. i’m gonna put it under a read more because it’s undoubtedly gonna get pretty lengthy but if u have any other questions or anything feel free to hmu again. also i’m shit at explaining things so bare with me pls.

so i’m pretty sure everyone knows what the titanic is but incase for whatever reason u or anyone else reading this may not know, i’ll tell u a lil bitso the rms titanic, commonly addressed as just “the titanic” was a british passenger liner, operated by the “white star line” and built by the “harland and wolff shipyard” in belfast the titanic carried (an estimate) of 2,223 people and sank in the north atlantic ocean after (intentionally) hitting an iceberg on april 15th 1912, causing the deaths of 1,507 people who were on board. first of all .. i just wanna say that with the titanic carrying over 2,000 people, they needed at least 40 lifeboats to carry everyone on board and the titanic only had 20. but with the 20 they had 1,178 peoplesurvived so theres that. also: not to mention i believe the titanic was blatantly over populated. i’m not 100% sure if thats the case, don’t quote me on it, but if so.. yeah .. that didn’t hep at all, especially with the lack of lifeboats needed.

so, here’s where another ship comes into play, the titanics sister ship, the olympic. here’s some background story on the olympic. the captain of the olympic was a dude named edward smith. ( see here. ) to say the least about him, from what ive found through research and a lot of other sources, he wasn’t exactly a great captain, he’s even been quoted to “drive sea liners like they were speed boats”well, captain smith caused the olympic to get into THREE FUCKING ACCIDENTS because he was a reckless captain. but i’m gonna mention this one, because it has relevancy to the titanic

on september 201th, the olympic was involved in it’s second collision with a ship called the hms hawke, and here’s the images of the damage caused to the boat due to the accident

i would also like to note really quick that this collision caused the olympic to have a slight tilt (i believe it was temporarily permanent, i think they had plans to fox it but never got to it) and some survivors of the titanic said that the titanic did have a slight tilt (thats not just a fuckin coincidence) since the accident was concluded to be the olympics fault, the white star line’s insurers refused to pay for the damages or the cost to fix it.

the olympic got temporary repairs done to it, and was headed back to the harland and wolff shipyard in belfast (where the titanic was still being built) for more permanent repairs, and all work on building the titanic had been paused because they basically needed everyone they had working at the harland and wolff shipyard to work on the repairs to the olympic. (it took 7 WEEKS by the way, for them to fix the damages to the olympic)so really quick, i want to state that though the titanic and the olympic are literally identical, there are TWO WAYS to tell the ships apart. the titanic has 14 portholes, while the olympic had 16. the titanic had neat and organized windows, while the olympics were more scattered out. (shown below)

the first week in march in 1912 was the last time that the olympic and the titanic were in belfast together. ( this was when people think the decision was made to switch the ship.) given they only had to switch the names on the lifeboats and the ship itself, a small crew of workers in belfast could’ve gotten it done over the weekend.

also note that the white star line often used photographs OF THE OLYMPIC as the titanic in their advertisements for the ship. also, at this point from here on out, the titanic was believed to have been switched for the olympic, so when i talk about the titanic, i mean that it’s really the olympic, around the time of the titanics maiden voyage, there was a coal strike. a lot of men were struggling to get/keep jobs, people were getting layed off left and right, which made it that much more sketchier than some of the crew that was scheduled to work the titanics maiden voyage bailed out last minute and said that they’d wait for another ship. people believe that this is because word was going around that she ships had been switched and the titanic was going to be sank.

this is where  ANOTHER SHIP, called the californian, under the command of captain stanley lord, comes into place. the californian sailed out to the north atlantic 5 days before the titanics maiden voyage. on the 14th of april, i believe it was that evening, the californian stopped dead in the middle of the atlantic ocean and people assume this was because the captain knew that the titanic was going to go down and the californian was supposed to come in and safe passengers. it’s believed only the ship was supposed to go down, not cause over 1,000 deaths. the white star line payed 10,000,000 dollars for the titanic to be built and put an insurance claim of 12 million dollars on it, which led people to believe that was why they planned to sink it. to not only get the money back from building the ship itself, but also get an extra 2 million dollars. not to mention the captain of the californian slept fully clothed on a couch nearby the captains deck (with the ship still running) instead of his own cabin, almost as if he were prepared for an emergency. also, not to mention, the titanic got 3 radio signals from the californian after it had been stopped for the night giving the titanic the ships location, almost as if to let the captain of the titanic know that he was ready when they were. around 11 o’clock that night, captain smith ALSO chose to sleep fully clothed and not in his cabin. also, the titanic was put at further risk to crash into the iceberg when they reversed the engines as they turned, which, a lot of people are under the impression that, they did that intentionally, because they wanted to for-sure hit the iceberg. it’s also believed that if the ship would’ve kept going straight, not reversing its engines, it could’ve passed the iceberg without damage. or, if the titanic had just hit the iceberg head on, it still would’ve been able to stay afloat given the collision only would’ve flooded a few small compartments under deck.at this point, the titanic hit the iceberg, and nobody in the crew was in a panic, (i believe that nobody even told passengers that there was an accident at this time. now, what was supposed to happen basically, was that the titanic was going to sink, but it was just going to shoot up colored flares that the californian was supposed to see, but given that the titanic gave it’s wrong coordinates. the titanic was too far, and out of sight of the californian. ( see below. )

now, captain smith (titanics captain) can see a ship over the horizon at this point, and he’s under the impression that it’s the californian, but it’s not. it was a ship called the samson, shown above, which was participating in illegal seal hunting activity, which, is also why when the titanic sent flares out, the samson didn’t come to help, due to his partake in the illegal seal hunting.

around midnight was when the titanic began sending out flares, signaling for the californian to begin coming over. but due to coordinates getting mixed up and the titanic being out of view from the californian, the californian saw a ship sending out flares, but they were white flares, and were coming from the samson to tell the rowing boats the samson had in the area to come back to the ship. so basically, a plan that was supposed to end up only being an insurance fraud success, ended up being a tragedy. and once the titanic realized that, that was when they began sending out lifeboats full, instead of half way like they’d previously been when they were under the impression that the californian was coming and they didn’t NEED to fill them up all the way. there could easily be some details that i’m missing here, but if anyone has any questions just hmu. i think that’s all 4 now.

[stylessemantics]

Impossible Harry Tag

This has been exhausting... I have no strength left. Here’s the Harry tag.

This has got to be the hardest thing I’ve done and me and my babble-y self probably made it even longer than needed. So if you want to know, or if you’re harry styles (cause I wrote something for you at the end), go ahead and click keep reading

I was tagged by : @cuddlemusclestyles​ @muggleharry​ @hestylesno​ @wdmsusie​ @revolutionaryharry​ @cheshirepuddin​ @legend-waitforit-harry​ thank you for putting me through the hardest test ever.

Answer these questions about Harry and then tag some people, pass it on!

I’m tagging: NO ONE CAUSE THIS IS HARD AF. jk: @harrycarryme​ @yeshaddy​ @harryswinston​ @harktheharold​ @narrymccartney​ @stylesunchained​ @stylesinthewild​ @harrysdetails​ @stilesharrystyles​ @dunquirky​

Favourite look: 2010-forward. Am i able to cheat like this? No? ok? I’m going to say cuddly Harry, so as long as he’s got a sweater I’m in. Boyfriend Harry as well, meaning coat and sweaters, basically all cozy Harries all my fave (HIM IN NEW YORK THE OTHER DAY WITH THE SCARF OH MY OH MY). Also if we can see his legs I dig cause I love his legs and we don’t get to see them often so

that’s how i look when i talk on the phone so this photo means a lot.

AND A VERY VERY VERY SPECIAL MENTION TO THIS MOMENT CAUSE I LOVE IT FOR SOME REASON, IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS FRECKLES AND HE’S SO CUTE AND RED-LIPPED AND MESSY CURLY HAIR AND HE LOOKS VERY SOFT AND HOMEY AND LIKE HE SMELLS OF CINNAMON AND TEA. I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID THIS IS MY FAVE, HONESTLY. BUT ALL HARRY LOOKS ARE AWESOME.

Also his gucci suit that I took inspo form when I wrote the “Suit and Tie Minus The Tie” piece... The one from Miu Miu London, what a look.

Favourite tweet: I don’t think I have a fave or that his whole feed comes to mind i don’t know it by heart. So I’ll say “all the love as always, H” or “Be Nice Be Good” Anything where he’s just spreading love.

Favourite Interview & Why: The one with Liam on the rollercoaster maybe. I’m also tempted to say the one where he’s all snezy that i used as inspo for witch harry chapter 1 cause i love his sneezing face. It’s an Australian one. Also carpool karaoke and a league of their own - he got so wet it was cuteeeeeee

Favourite Stage Moment:  All the times he’s fallen or danced any silly dance. The one where he’s all “let’s love each other. Flowers flowers and candy!”, yes please (HERE)

The one where he spent like 15 mins trying to get a girls name right to sing happy birthday to them. (HERE)

And the one where he whistles to a security so he helps a fan out. Him whistling makes me wet all over. (HERE)

Favourite Hair Style: Prince!Harry at the end of 2014, his very long ‘late late tattoo roulette’ hair, and of course :

My fave hair from another man. It’s the haircut we never got to see and it has a special place in my heart and i wish he kept it for a bit longer and showed it off more.

Favourite Family Member: All of them? All his family seems like the nicest bunch of people. His dad seems wonderful and like Harry looks so much like him. Anne is a sweetheart and she’s mom goals, she’s so amazing and she raised two angels. Gemma seems like the best sibling, she’s sister goals, she’s a feminist and I feel like we could be friends so that’s all i need to like her loads. And even Robin, who’s taken the task to be a second dad to Harry and i have no doubts he has been so amazing to him, to anne and to gemma as well, I can imagine Harry and Robin having little step-dad-to-step-son moments.

Favourite Celebrity + Harry: Harry + Ed Sheeran. My two babes. Also Harry and James Corden, and HArry and Emma Watson, dunno if they are close but I can imagine them being good friends and i can imagine him, Emma and Gemma grabbing a cuppa and talking about women rights, acting, work, fashion, etc.

Favourite Tattoo: I can’t change. His mom’s name, George Michael lyrics on his ankles, and Big on his big toe. DEF my faves.

Favourite Quote: Be nice to nice? I don’t remember but whatever he said when 1d joined office depot and had this anti bullying campaign and Harry had the word Nice. It’s the definition of him. Supportive, loving, caring, respectful and nice.

Favourite Instagram Post: His photo with Matt Irwin cause it’s the cutest. When he cut his hair and just tagged Little Princess Trust. His “Thank You All T-e Love, H”, one on scrabble, damn it’s so smart. LOVED IT. When he labeled his left and right shoe, Baby-nanas, and his “sometimes the king is a woman” and he tagged his mumma. And i can’t seem to find it now but that photo that is my aesthetic:

Harry, barefoot, small wooden cabin,fairy lights, solitude, a guitar, a hat, MY AESTHETIC. This photo is everything I want.

Favourite Music Video: Midnight Memories? They got to be silly for a night and have an experience to never forget. Also, last video as a teenager.

Favourite Another Man Picture: Let’s get the obvious out of the way, we all know my icon is my aesthetic and it’s all i could ever wish for. Harry, sweater-paws, flowers, dimply smile. But in honour to my fave hair cut of all 3 another man cuts:

he looks like he’s 12 and I ranted about this photo to a lot of people for hours cause I find it to endearing that he got this haircut at his house, he went around his hometown, it’s like a coming of age shoot, he looks so young but so old at the same time, he’s back to his roots and he’s showing us this part of himself, the past. I love it. Also the styling was on point and the clothes for every photo where he has the medium length hair are so amazing. Love them to no belief. And special mention to him wearing converse cause that destroyed me! Wear them more often Harold!

Now answer:

Your Name: Iv!

Your Age: 21

Where You Live: Somewhere warm.

Have you ever seen Harry live in concerts or met him? Any special moments?: I have never had the pleasure of seeing them live or meeting any of the 1D lads. I’m hoping someday I will, and it would break me in half if i NEVER got to see 1D live cause they never come back from their hiatus like, i hate to think that my window to see 1D live is closed.

What’s your favourite thing about Harry?: Well I think I’ve said it somewhere in this post or it’s obvious but I love how down to earth he is, how he’s so aware of his talent but is also very humble and nice to everyone. I love his dimples and his hands, but then again I have a thing for hands, not just Harry’s. I love his voice and how he seems to be very real and true to himself. I love how we can see his passion when he does something he loves and I absolutely love that he’s very close to his family.

What is your favourite line/lyric of Harry’s on a 1D album?: “I love you it’s all i do, I love you.” - Also i just realised harry did not write in what a feeling and it broke me in half but “you’ve got stars their in your eyes” I just love hearing him sing. “all i know at the end of the day is you love who you love” “Feel you on my back while I’m calling a taxi climbing over me while i get in the back seat” “baby I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way” “we’re never coming back down, we’re looking down on the clouds” “in the heat where you lay i could stay right here and burn in it all day” “tell me do you ever try to come to the other side” “Little black dress what’s your favourite song, i wont do you no harm”

LISTEN i can’t choose. And most of these are from Four and MITAM cause those albums hit me in the fucking throat when they came out, they were so grown up and different and it felt like they were just practicing for years to get to this and then be, ok we can separate and be ourselves alone now. It was the best growth in a band ever and now they are coming to hit us solo and it’s going to be even more intense.

What is the song that reminds you the most of Harry?: I can’t pick. I have a playlist on spotify though lol. Paris - April (cause I want to have that with Harry.) Sweet Emotion - The Kooks, (we can jam out Harry. Please let’s do this.) American Money - BØRNS. She’s American - the 1975 1973 - James Blunt Loving You - Minnie Riperton Fico Assim Sem Você - Adriana Calcanhotto Just The Two Of Us - Bill Withers Road Trippin’ - RHCP Cuando Te Beso - Juan Luis Guerra Anything Pink Floyd.

And many more that I can’t think about now.

What is the movie that reminds you the most of Harry?: Begin Again. 10TIHAY (only cause harry needs to be patrick verona) IDK which else. I need help I haven’t seen many movies as of lately that remind me of him and the others i just can’t place.

How long have you been a Harrie?: Since day one, and by that I mean since ONE THING (i did not and still don’t like WMYB so I didn’t becom a fan until they released one thing and I liked it and gave them a chance). Harry caught my eye, after all I’ve always been a lover of the curly headed ones in boy bands, and then i was like, ohhh hello there, who’s thise? Zayn? oh hi zayn” and was a zayn girl for like 4 months but Harry was always there at the back of my head and then he just took over before take me home. Been at this since.

Where you were when the first Dunkirk trailer came out?: What are we calling the first dunkirk trailer? the official one of the one that was like small snippets where we couldn’t even tell if harry showed up in the trailer? cause for that one i was home, for the other one (the longer one) i was just getting out of class.

What do you expect for HS1?: Adult, soft, diverse, rock, very indie and very harry, powerful lyrics and emotion, loads of passion and at the same time minimalism. He’ll be quiet, but he’ll be rocking out at the same time. Would not be surprised if he decided to throw an instrumental track in the middle of the album, that he hummed himself and slowly came to life with him on the piano and on the guitar with whatever limited of expanded knowledge of these instruments he has.

What are your tags for Harry on Tumblr?: about H, hi harry, Harold, Harry + *insert thing*. I love him so. things i love about harry. Harru.

Who is your favourite Harry blog?: Cannot choose.

If Harry could read this now, what would you say?: my “Hi harry” tag is everything i want to say to harry/things i say directly to harry as if he was reading my blog (so like a public conversation with him that he never does read) But here’s a letter to harry:

Please ignore my blog, I’m not as exaggerated and stupid and impressionable as I sound on here.

And do ignore my rants about marrying you, specially if they make you uncomfortable. I would love to be your friend, I feel like I could learn a lot from you. I’m a weird person that likes to sit between people that know more than i do so i can soak in their knowledge as they passionately talk about the things they love and know.

Honestly I want to be your friend, I have nothing to give, not a single good trait other than loyalty and I have a very comfy shoulder to lay your head on if you want to talk. I’m also supportive, to the point I might annoy you; maybe, we don’t know. And puns make me roll on the ground laughing. Also I enjoy the snippets of you you’ve shown us and I believe you have so much talent and potential. Thank you for being you and sharing it with the world.

And I’m honest. If you ever need anything, or just a wall to talk to, I can be that, just ring. Fan with a blog and all, i can and will keep your secrets. OR GO THROUGH MY HI HARRY TAG AND LAUGH AT MY SILLY CONVERSATIONS WITH YOU LOL.

I’m breathless. xo. Iv.

[shortywiththebuttons]

This bouta be one long ass typo filled vent.

First and and foremost I just added HELLA people specifically People from my African diaspora on this. I’ve had it since high school so 2010 I’m in University now . nice to meet you all 🤷🏿‍♀️✊🏿😝 my name is Ro . I’m super open to conversation questions whatever.

I added mad people because I organize ,politically im no pro or anything,I don’t even know what I’m doing 1/2 the time I just do what’s in my heart and he’ll I guess every small step I make makes a difference.

I’m currently in the process of getting a sexual assault resource center built in Isla Vista California which is an unincorporated area behind the University of California Santa Barbara ...I want all contractors to be from marganilized backgrounds and ultimately I’m gonna have this project be a community collective.itll be a long term project and it’s currently in the beginning stages and the meetings are going well but given I attend a PWI I’d like outside support and more energy from my people to continuously push for this to be created . Scrolling my page you’ll kinda see the shit I’ve been dealing with and where this comes from. However I’m currently slowing down THIS video BELOW ...making it onger and more detailed

https://youtu.be/c-yKepzDwzY

But editing is depressing triggering and frustrating and I’m on some Kevin gates Aint shit gone make me sad today type stuff so it’s not going well. I currently just need to add audio to the lengthened version and I’ll be fine to share it.. But audio means watching it and choosing a song and perfect timing so yeah...I hate reliving the stuff .but eh I hope you like the video I’ll post the update ASAP . I actually move out of CA soon APRIL so it’ll be before I leave to embark on this random traveling experience I have planned 👌🏿🙆🏿‍♀️

My main goal socially is to be as real and open as possible up until around May 2017 I was mad timid to speak up but once the shit happened it just did .

(I was drugged and raped by someone who knew me and was invited over and nah he wasn’t white he was in our diaspora. Despite being on video drugging me ,admitting I wasn’t conscious during his acts and all this other sick shit that is in the video posted as well as the slowed down version...Santa Barbara did not TOUCH THIS SICK FUCK . Specifically he lived on the same street as the foot patrol and they never even went to question him . Never went over evidence so never caught the drugging I had to analyze my own evidence see my drugging send it in turn in all physical evidence myself because she never went to the crime scene and some more dumb shot . He’s on surveillance pushing me into my house because I can’t move and he’s also on surveillance attempting to touch me and I fight back . He admits I bit him in resistance and bleh I’m getting trigger ...well look they had all of this PLUS WAY MORE evidence and nothing 🤷🏿‍♀️ .. the gag is until I had a sit in months after my rape we FINALLY got a sexual assault detective on Isla Vista ..THIS MEANS WE NEVER HAD ONE THEREFORE THE PERSON WHO WAS ON MY CASE WAS NOT A DETECTIVE TRAINED IN SEXUAL ASSAULTS. That’s why he did shit ass backwards and didn’t get evidence or blah blah . He did a pretext for a confession and still didn’t make an arrest or attempt to question this rapist . So I had to go public . 😒

The system did me even grimier and in addition so did the African men I spent a lot of my time around before this incident who just happened to be the idiot rapists housemates . The story is actually pretty sick.

Like niggas was like” we weren’t really friends like that “ “you just met is” and some more shit ,but drove or rode in my car got they hair done by me niggas cooked together went wherever niggas dead ass all ran together the only difference was I’m a female and I was the one who was drugged and raped . Lol I knew that house a good 5 months . And when you serving 4 years in college that’s a long time especially when y’all all seeing one another tops 5 days a week . But it’s cool lol I swear that shit happened and fucked my mind up for a while . Until I got over the fact that Im a protector , I’m used to protecting people . Even after being raped I tried to protect this individual from the system but seeing myself be drugged in my house as someone sickly plots and has all the sickest reasons as to why ..

I had Inglewood out there and we ain’t lay a finger on ANYONE and EVERYONE WAS HOME and available but I wasn’t trying to see anything happen .protector ...some call it dumb ... but honestly any reaction that would’ve deviated from what I did up to now would chance my current circumstance ...and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fine RN. 🤷🏿‍♀️ ptsd depression here and there but honestly IVE BEEN KICKINGASS , saving and changing lives as well as I don’t have any fuck people around me . It’s so easy for me to cut people off now and keep people I feel ANY KINDOF way about away from me ...and I’m more open basically I PROTECT ME MORE AND ...that’s what’s great for me ...so I needed it all to get where I am so eh.

A: I don’t forgive or have any care for the person who drugged and raped me . That’s the only place I didn’t grow . People say I should work on that ...I literally have dreams of killing him though so eh🤷🏿‍♀️ it’s the whole premeditated buying a drug putting it in a drink and handing it to me at the specific time I was distracted and the entire plot really . Walking me in public drugged to make you seem like a saviors and saying you noticed it hit 😒 staying after raping me , like moving my body from a living room to my room like dragging me or whatever the fuck you dieting afterward and only moving after I post the video publicly like you really wanted to live your life regular as a rapist after attempting to ruin mine . In all honesty as you said your first thought was you thought the drug was going to alter my feeling for you and make me like you ..it only knocked me unconscious and inhabited my brain from having any memory and you stilllllll decided to be sick . .

-the best thing for me is I have no memory of being raped , I don’t even have a memory of me leaving the house only waking up and asking all the questions I had getting the answers I needed and reporting so that’s why I’m so open about it ....it hits a sensitive spot as far as anger and disgust but I would literally be dead if I was conscious or aware of the encounter .

Alll of that I added in the end it was the vent I guess .)

and yeah . Whatever so socially I’m tryna educate Africans not to feel obligated to be a savior but to look out when shit like this happens. Because not reacting not doing anything and really any thing else

I never asked anyone to pick sides , never asked anyone for help. But acting like you ain’t know someone you seen on a daily and being fearful or whatever it’s not and never was that deep. I don’t see how anyone has a mother and can let or be aiight with shit like this happeneing and not be proactive .

But I’m alive you’ll see from my blog that worse shit has happened since then and even before . so I focus my pain elsewhere and my energy into activism and advocacy. Shit no one handed to me when I needed t most ✊🏿☝🏿

http://endrapeoncampus.org/centering-the-margins

Here’s my story

http://www.theburningspear.com/2017/12/RoShawndra-VS-the-University-of-California-Santa-Barbara

It’s also more stories about whatever white people wanna say about me in Santa Barbara newspapers and my case and what I’m doing , but this is the one I approve of because it was written in the Burning spear and this is such a monumental and important news paper in our community so yeah.✊🏿❤️ I really love US.

Periodically I post videos call campaigns calls to join political organizations (that are grassroot orgs and funded by our people) and yeah that’s basically my public professional appeal. I use a lot of profanity idk why but yeah I curse like a sailor I was introduced to grown folk conversations at a young age cursing was apart of my male dominated upbringing so 🤷🏿‍♀️ shiiiit I just curse a lot from time to time .

I’m a member of the African National Women’s org. Or ANWO and we’re an organization that was created by request less than half a decade ago to bring African women into the political atmosphere. Our one goal is FREEDOM . UHURU to any comrades or future comrades reading this , I hope in your daily struggles you see the symptoms of colonialism and mobilize to dismantle this colonial system .

I have NOT AND DONT PLAN on watching black panther . It’s not apart of my agenda rn but If my job requires me to take my residents to the movies it’ll probably happen ...I’ll get to the job stuff later. . Basically from my current understanding the villain in the film had “political views” similar to Malcolm or Huey or Marcus Garvey and it should be known by us ALL THAT THESE MEN WERE ONLY AEEN AS VILLIANS HISTORICALLY BY WHITE SUPREMACIST AND COLONIZERS AS WELL AS THOSE COLONIZED PEOPLE WHO REFUSED TO RESIST ...so I’m not spending a dry penny or sitting in a theatre to watch some bull shit . Wakanda must fall dear . THERE is no freedom in a colonial system and we can’t move with our colonizers PERIOD. We have been tricked throughout history into being complacent and waiting on an European created GOD to come save us and give us our Paradise in death. Therefore we accept what we shouldn’t and given I’m not about to be apart of that complacent movement ...(ps I’m a religious studies major) I decide I’m going to struggle and win. Period ✊🏿

https://youtu.be/LIQioGRD1Sw

White folks need to pay reparations so yeah share this link also if you don’t mind

https://www.uhurusolidarity.org/

White solidarity with black power 💕

Some talks/events I’ve participated in or held

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPFDFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MWRqeFhkZ2RiUEx4WpjQiVNCw8SGGbKJP7IkRiwM1SuoQnT-Oar94sFnraqo

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPjzFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MVJER2xuVkVhbWd4TBAgTafg3086N-ST4efXtgBbzFU6VOSI9yuHJ4V1dmE8

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPzTFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MW5BS0VXblZNUmxKTClihPl8eVewKBG7TwSC2FcIZkc0BiJcYgkAkLrQX_7Z

[anomalagous]

lc’s ongoing long-ass list of what the fuck, teen wolf, and other sundry E606:Ghosted edition.

scott getting a little tiny bit snarly at the sheriff for not believing~~ in stiles gives me life

this old-ass map not only puts beacon hills on top of a real life place called scotty place which still makes me laugh, but also substantially more north and eastward than i originally estimated.

why the fuck didnt naziwolf just get the fuck outta bh?

why did he choose to stay and teach high school of all things?

california requires an 18 month accreditation course and a certain GPA of teachers who do not have an education degree, i know this from direct experience. its been three months since naziwolf busted out of his bacta tank, so what the fuck

if he forged his credentials, how

when

when did he actually learn all of the post WW2 physics and electromagnetics things he clearly genuinely knows and has a genuine interest in?

did the dread doctors read him bedtime stories from their science journals?

if so, what the fuck

i guess if youre an alpha werewolf you can sleep in the backseat with no seatbelt and its not a big deal if you crash

good job on malia being the driver and not crashing them im proud of her

reading the date of the canaan abduction in the standard american way it was april 8th, 1987, which cant be a coincidence given that’s stiles birthday (albeit pre-stiles)

if canaan has been abandoned for 30 years, who has been cutting these obviously not overgrown lawns and trimming these obviously not overgrown accent shubberies

why isnt that flag beat up or torn in any way?

kudos on giving that convertible the old 80s style california plates but why arent any of the windows on any of the cars busted out? no flat tires? no rust or missing doors?

also that shot of the ‘town’ where there was more substantial damage looked fake as hell and the crosswalk was proceeding at the wrong angle and i cant unsee it.

why is there still power running to these street lamps?

for that matter who has their street lamps scheduled to turn on in the middle of the day?

was that block party banner over the street lettered on both sides? it reads properly no matter what side youre looking at, which seems weird.

why is there blood on the carousel? was that explained? we’ve never seen the ghost riders’ gun draw blood that i can recall

im not even sure we’ve really seen their whips draw blood per se and certainly it wouldn’t have caused that kind of blood stain

also why is the blood still wet and red 30 years later? why wasn’t that newspaper rotted out? either time impacted this town to make it shitty as hell or it didn’t, pick one, you cannot have both. it still rains enough in california to totally disintegrate a newspaper in thirty years.

how the fuck did that carousel function even that tiny bit after 30 years in the elements?

why did melissa have to sneak chris argent around, couldnt he have just declined the operation against medical advice?

also good to see scott got his utter inability to lie from his mom

even if malia isnt wearing 100% stiles’ void-hoodie how could the costume department have thought for a minute we wouldnt have thought that was the void hoodie?

malia having a hallucination of theo in the same episode he comes back in for real seemed both rushed and entirely unnecessary.

in fact these hallucinations seemed wholesale unnecessary and neither scott nor malia deserved that nonsense

were all of these dead leaves already on location or did some poor asshole have to ship them in and then ship them out again

come to think of it, at first i was really excited to see coral/eucalyptus trees as they are actually trees that are in california (as opposed to the type of oak the nemeton is, which is distinctly Not a type of tree in california) but then i realized those are Southern California Trees and if beacon hills (and canaan) are that far north and close to the oregon border, the trees should be way more pines and evergreens and not coral or eucalyptus or ... any deserty tree, really.

seriously were these hallucinations just to show malia can feel sad too?

malia was wearing really subtle gold eyeshadow earlier. now it’s dark shadowing up to her browbone. does being a werecoyote also mean being able to shift your makeup at will? cause thats cool

do little girls seriously still play with baby dolls while hitting their first strides of puberty? im beginning to think i was never actually a little girl.

how much younger than malia was kylie supposed to be? bc she looks like 12 here but malia was like... 10 when the desert wolf murdered her family, right? was SHE the younger sister??

teen wolf shamelessly reusing shots with new filters on them like never before. this ain’t even the fifth time i’ve caught them doing this, this season, and i’ve literally never seen them do it in any of the other seasons.

im not sure anybody told kylie’s actress she wasnt gonna get to make out with shelley

how do werecreatures get piercings? or were her ears pierced first before the change?

why does anyone let liam make any decisions, ever?

i do not get why everyone finds naziwolf so hot

seriously i have a little tree-bush exactly like this right outside my door/garage and that shit is wild and untamed in just a month of no trimming in 30 years it would not have that nice slender shape anymore

also trees being choked to death by kudzu or whatever all these vines are dont look that healthy

is there even kudzu in california??? ive never seen so many vines in all my 10 years of living here.

the first house scott goes in theres like no tv in the living room but there is one chair (with no dining table) all alone in the dining room area, which just looks sad.

oh sorry two chairs set up in what was clearly the worlds most melancholy staring contest.

my dentist used to have that exact sailboat wallpaper trim around the top of his exam rooms.

scotts bullying a door.

have melissa and chris argent actually told the pack about the head-biting yet bc i feel like they should know

i think more people have asked scott if he’s okay in this episode than in the last three seasons, which is sad bc it’s basically just lydia and malia that do it.

that one house has some brutal earthquake damage in its exterior wall.

poseys microexpressions are so woefully underrated, he really is brilliant.

i have more grey hair than jr bourne and that makes me really angry

i like that they’re doing alchemy with druidic compounds/hedgemagic/whatever you want to call it more than i could possibly express.

why is there a porch loveseat on the step up to this one house but that FLAG IS ENTIRELY INTACT?

how convenient that all three of them were looking at that window when lenore decided to fuck with the drapery.

that said scott’s resultant HOLY SHIT?!?? face is amazing

how has lenore been surviving in this town, does she not need water, electric, heat, groceries? where did the lemons for the lemonade come from?

all this wood paneling is the most 70s thing i have ever seen in my life

i appreciate the little cast iron redwood decoration with the ‘m’ on the bottom of it.

everything!! in!! this!! house!! is!! brown!!

that piano as a busted af bass key there.

i feel like i’ve seen that other metal flower/leaf decor before. the new version of the stilinski house, maybe?

lenore has an intimidatingly large smile and i feel like that as an intentional casting choice

how come malia and scott couldnt hear her heartbeat after scott explicitly called out that there were no heartbeats? or for that matter not hear that caleb also didn’t have one? (presumably.)

im not 100% sure but i think malia is holding scott’s hand when they enter the dining room area of lenore’s house, which is adorable so i accept no other reality now.

i honestly feel really bad for lenore.

i would say the fisheye lens is s6′s slo mo but the slo mo didnt go anywhere

i dont know if its supposed to be fancy or artisinal or whatever you called that in the 80s but dont put green shit in your lemonade, green shit does not belong in your lemonade. lemons. sugar. water. it isn’t hard.

malia like chugs a good half of her glass at once, but when she sets it back down it is more full than any of the other glasses. i prefer to think she just faked drinking it to try and gain lenore’s trust than it’s a continuity error from the props department.

when lenore starts using her banshee powers to shake the house, it also magically converts the lemonade into water.

lenore has a pair of decorative ducks on her wall but they appear to be two male mallard ducks, so. gay duck decor.

so when does lydia get to have telekinesis?

i dont think im a very big fan of how angela harvey handles scott.

malia did NOT make a fist like she was really committing to trying to punch out that window.

seriously scotts the alpha he doesnt need lydia to give him permission to do things scott thinks need to be done

that being said scott going into the basement with a creepy kid when youre obviously in some kind of horror movie trope was stupid

the cameras they used for the senior pack team were super blurry anytime anyone moved even the littlest bit, its so annoying.

scott barely being tall enough to reach this tiny-ass basement window is endearing to me

there is no way a vhs tape that wet would run. i remember vhs tapes. they were not sturdy.

i feel like we used to have the same VCR in my parents’ room tho

also what the hell camcorder did they record this on that put it straight on VCR, camcorders in the 80s had weird little small VCR tapes you had to put in a converter. that was just a standard VCR tape.

also why are there jumpcuts in the home video? did somebody cut the original footage and THEN put it on a standard VCR tape?  how much fucking work was THAT??

caleb goes from 0 to 100 on the creepy poltergeist scale real quick

well okay maybe from like 40 to 100

banshee duel yessssss

literally why would noshiko do this after she saw what happened with the nogitsune

not that i necessarily think theo is as dangerous as the nogitsune but he is well bad enough

look at this worthless white boy doing this shit against all the advice of the woc around him

why does the sword do this, i thought the power was in kira and not the sword

if the power is in the sword why couldnt noshiko fix her own damn blade

look at this other worthless white boy even more worthless than the first

that looks like melissa is putting like grout on chris’ injury that does not look comfortable

oh look hes screaming imma guess it was not in fact comfortable

gratuitous jr bourne fanservice

awwww theyre holding haaaaands again

how did this kid get on the stairs the last time we saw him he was by the tv, why did scott and malia let him herd him like this

i appreciate malia’s willingness to beat up a kid poltergeist immensely

of the pictures on caleb’s walls, many are pictures of insects. one is a blue crab. one says ‘guten’ on it, which somehow entertains me a lot.

this is the second time this episode has tried to make me scared of carousel horses

the vhs footage loops while no one is attending to it which is not how vhs tapes work

malia is such a treasure

that being said having nearly drowned twice in my childhood this whole drowning-on-dry-land conceit is not super great for me

screencapping this is so gross

i love lydia’s fierce banshee scream face

so the blood was on the carousel before the wild hunt attack, as we see in lydia’s vision. SO WHY IS IT THERE??

THERE ARE KIDS RIDING ON THIS CAROUSEL WHILE SOME OF THE HORSES ARE BLOODY

poor skateboard bro couldnt even take his skateboard like rude wild hunt

i feel like there’s a lot more ghost riders here than there are in beacon hills. maybe the ghost riders just come for particular towns and the ones in bh are actually like... cora isaac and danny.

its amazing how much younger a good foundation can maybe somebody look

did liam SERIOUSLY just tell theo he can kill whoever he wants? did i hear that right? bc that is a TERRIBLE thing to tell theo, who has ALREADY KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE, even if what you meant was ‘dont kill us you need us’.

i cant believe we got this cheap knockoff as an excuse to not have kira and then they didnt even let him have the powers he needed to do the job

otoh watching his ass get blasted back into the tunnels was satisfying

literally nobody cares if youre okay theo you murderous fuck

i wonder how many times scott had someone steadying him telling HIM he has to breathe like hes doing for malia right here

i should really keep a tally of how many times scott does stiles’ lizard tongue thing while stiles is gone

this is gross of me to think while the character is basically drowning but hey now i know what scott looks like with his bottom lip all wet and covered in somewhat translucent stretchy goo--jizz. okay. it looks like jizz.

scott mccall nearly drowns on dry land after a lifetime of severe asthma and the first thing he does after is ask if malia is ok

luckily THIS time she asks if HES okay to but jeez

he looks so shocked and confused to be asked extra jeez

more scolia handholding, this time while fleeing danger

i was literally three in 1987 and i still have more grey hair than lenore who was demonstrably an adult in 1987 I AM VERY ANGRY

that being said i realized why caleb here’s clothing was bothering me so much. nobody had shorts that long in the 80s. everybody wore short as hell shorts in the 80s. it was thighs everywhere.

these stupid motherfuckers taking theo to scott’s HOME and putting him in scott’s SAFE SPACE without even WARNING HIM oh my GOD

those better not also be scott’s CLOTHES

ok but WHY are the wild hunt trapped? did they BRING the northern lights or is the northern lights related to what’s trapping them?

excuse me but WHEN did lydia see anything related to what happens to people after the wild hunt takes them and why didnt we get to see it too?

seriously its like if scott is thinking of stiles then lizard blep

im so mad at liam for bringing theo back and putting him in scotts house i cant even see straight

and i just know that this anger that scott is being allowed will be it

and in a week or two itll be working with theo like nothing ever happened

im honestly shocked he even got this much

he even got undercut there by malias (also justified) rage

cool that the morrigan got a namedrop but i dont trust them with that story eitherrrrr

man let me tell you if this was martin and not scott and somehow he had been murdered and resurrected and was then confronted with his murderer in his pack house that murderer would not fucking leave alive

im still kind of mad that this season brought claudia back to life just to make her so sketch and make me kind of hate her, i didnt want to hate her

oh okay its a different weird leaf decor piece than the other one

oh yeah noah OKAY NOW youre starting to believe BUDDY you have faith issues

[frommainetospain2020]

Will 2020 be the best year of my life?

To preface this first blog post, this has been gradually added to over the course of about 9 months. The beginning of this post predates the COVID pandemic, so keep that in mind.

If you’re reading this, you probably know at this point that I’m planning to participate in CIEE’s Teach in Spain program for the 2020-2021 school year. And if you’re reading this, I hope that something else has happened with 2020. I’ve planned to get bariatric surgery at some point between April-July 2020. I speak in the future tense because this is past Steven speaking to you now. December 29, 2019 past Steven to be exact.

I’ve been known to have an overly ambitious mind, and when something gets stuck in there, it doesn’t just “go away”. I’ve proven this time and time again with my first study abroad experience in Italy, my themed recital “The Tantalizing Tale of the Timid and Tactful Toreador”, among others.

I guess my discovery of the CIEE program is a twist of fate. In mid-November, I was researching ways of teaching abroad in Europe. I found CIEE and their Teach Abroad programs. The kicker was that the company was actually stationed in Portland, ME. I chose Spain because I wanted something similar to my first experience, but still different enough to challenge me.

The bariatric surgery was something different altogether. I’ve always been a fat guy. There’s really no beating around the bush, I’ve been fat since I was four years old. I’ve tried a number of fad diets, from a juice cleanse, to a potato diet, to a “Nutritarian diet” among others, but obviously nothing stuck. In the summer of 2019, I got into a binge of the show “My 600 LB Life” where extremely morbidly obese people, (like twice the size of me) get bariatric surgery. I began to look into the concept for myself.

Now, it’s gonna get a little bit sketchy for a second. I looked into two possible scenarios. The first one being that I get approved from my insurance company, and then I have the surgery performed at Northern Light Medical Center in Bangor. Ba da bing, problem solved. But I also had a backup plan. I was genuinely considering going the “travel tourism” route, and going to Tijuana, Mexico. I’ve watched a number of reviews, and honestly, if the insurance doesn’t go through, it’s not fully off the table. But you, reading this in the future, will know better than I would as to the outcome of this endeavor.

So, thus will begin the wonders of the roaring twenties. Will 2020 be the year of a new me? A thinner me? A trilingual me? I guess we’ll find out.

6/28/2020 update- So.... what can I say? This has been a hell of a year. Never in my life would I have predicted that a worldwide pandemic would basically shut everything down. Yes, as you probably know, whenever you get to reading this, COVID 19 basically made everybody need to shelter in place and made the end of the school year be virtual for basically everybody worldwide.

That being said, the weight loss surgery was also very much affected. I met with the psychologist, dietician, and my surgeon at the beginning of March. And yes, this is from a memory perspective, because it’s been a while since I wrote the first part of this blog post. Anyway, when I weighed in then, I weighed 370 lbs. For me at that point, it was pretty standard. I had been roughly that for a long time, and it was nothing shocking to me. After the visit with my surgeon, I was surprised to find out that they were scheduling my surgery date. I chose April 23, 2020 as the day my life would ultimately change. Buuuuuuuuut, because COVID shut everything down a few weeks after that, it didn’t quite work out that way. My date got pushed from 4/23 to 5/28. From 5/28 to 6/25, and then luckily got bumped up from 6/25 to 6/11.

I’m happy to say that the 6/11 date actually stuck. I had an endoscopy done and they found some acid inflammation in my stomach, so my surgeon recommended a bypass instead of a sleeve. My ultimate question was “Can it still happen at the time it’s currently scheduled?” to which she responded yes. I then basically said “You’re the doc, Doc...” and that’s how it ended up working.

For those of you that have never gone through the weight loss surgery process, there’s a liquid diet that you have to do for 2 weeks before surgery, and two weeks after it. And it is ROUGH! It was easily the hardest thing I think I’ve ever pushed myself to do in my life. But I didn’t cheat once, and I recently upgraded to soft foods.

When I ended up having my surgery, I was basically conked out most of surgery day. The anesthesia knocked me out and I could barely stay awake from when I was in recovery (around 10 o clock I think...) until about 6 PM. I was in and out of consciousness.

I was an ideal patient though, from what I could tell. I had very little pain. The only real pain I had was from the gas that they used to expand my abdomen. But I was used to this after having my appendix out. Apparently patients aren’t as keen to walk the halls as I was, seeing as I had about a dozen nurses comment on how frequently and how quickly I walked.

I was discharged at around 12:30 on the third day in the hospital. I was then dismayed to find that my parents proceeded to get themselves Wendys on the ride home, which smelled nauseating. I literally wore my COVID mask upside down the whole time so I didn’t have to smell it.

Recovery was normal for the most part, except it took me a bit to figure out the whole hydration thing. There was a point after a few days at home that I had worked all of the IV fluid out of me and my fluid/electrolytes were low. Because of this, I got extremely dizzy and lightheaded whenever I stood. I eventually figured it out by drinking more and incorporating Gatorade Zero with my liquid intake.

Like I said, I’ve recently gotten approved to move to soft foods, and can I just say, it’s heavenly. After 30 days of a full liquid diet, I was living for that first scrambled egg, and I gotta say, even though it was pretty mediocre because I suck at cooking eggs, it was still heaven.

So yeah, goal 1 of 2 checked off of the list. The second goal is obviously going to be increasingly difficult because of the current state of the world. The EU is threatening to not let any US citizens in because the US is full of idiots politicizing the coronavirus and refusing to wear masks, causing massive spikes and making the US’s number of cases ungodly high. So hopefully that will sort out in time for me to.... you know..... go...

I did attempt a few back up plans, but none of them came to fruition. I interviewed for music teacher positions in Hermon, Lisbon, and Winthrop. The latter being the furthest I got, since I was the runner up. One could assume that operating under the assumption of “everything happens for a reason” could come to mean that Spain will work out as initially intended, which I truly hope it does. But if it doesn’t, I’m gonna have to scramble to get a job, which is ultimately gonna suck, but it’s necessary.

Now, as I write this, CIEE seems to think it will work out as planned. They say that in the next two days, they’ll be sending out placements for where I’m slated to go. Most people opt for very urban areas close to the city center, but I wanted somewhere more quiet, so I’m assuming I was probably easy to place.

In the visa process, the consulates have been closed and not accepting visa appointments for a few months. Recently, the Boston consulate made an email that you’d have to email to get an appointment, which I emailed, but I haven’t gotten a response yet.

The hardest document to get in the process is a background check. I initially tried to get a Federal FBI background check, but I needed a physical fingerprint card, which was difficult to get. I attempted to get fingerprinted at the Millinocket Police Station, but the FBI rejected those fingerprints. I tried two different things to get a state background check instead, but the results of that remain to be seen.

So, ultimately, will I be able to go abroad again? Will COVID buzz off in time to not ruin the second half of 2020? The world may never know.... At least for a couple months... I’m writing this as a draft so by the time anyone other than me reads this, those months will have passed and the result will be abundantly clear, so you have that advantage over me. So... I guess we’ll see...

Since I have other topics to write about, I’m going to stop this first blog post here.

[jobsearchtips02]

Inside the world of concierge medicine, where COVID-19 tests are plentiful

Ultrawealthy and often asymptomatic Americans are utilizing concierge medical professionals to access COVID-19 tests in the middle of a nationwide scarcity.

The doctors, whose regular monthly fees can range up to $10,000 a month and don’t accept insurance coverage, can offer coronavirus antibody test results in as little as 2 hours; results for the general public can take days.

Even some concierge doctors question the ethics of providing tests to their wealthy customers that aren’t offered to the general public.

Jamie Gerdsen, the 46- year-old CEO of Cincinnati-based building company Apollo Home, wanted his 200 workers to understand how seriously he was taking the coronavirus pandemic. To prove it, he chose to get evaluated in April.

For Gerdsen, the procedure was basic. All he had to do was call his physician, established an appointment time for him and his other half, and get to his medical professional’s drive-through screening center. At the center, they showed their IDs, answered a few questions, and got their fingers pricked, all without leaving their car. The results entered Gerdsen’s email inbox 2 hours later.

They were unfavorable, however that wasn’t a surprise to Gerdsen and his partner. They never presumed they had the virus to begin with, however they could easily confirm with a test because they have access to the kind of physician that a lot of do not: a concierge physician.

Company Insider spoke with 6 concierge doctors to see why they went into the field and what type of treatment most Americans are missing out on. We found that the type of tailored attention they provide to their patients can be more effective, but that even concierge physicians themselves get unpleasant with the principles of the different tiers of American healthcare. The concierge design isn’t the problem, they told us; it’s the rest of the healthcare system.

For the majority of Americans who think they’re contaminated, getting tested isn’t so easy

Oswald Mendez, a small company owner in New York City, had a considerably different experience getting checked than Gerdsen did.

In Spite Of having had what he originally thought was a cold in early March, Mendez had to visit three different immediate care clinics prior to he discovered one happy to evaluate him for the coronavirus. He had to spend an hour in a waiting space before he could get the very same type of test that Gerdsen took and completed in a five-minute drive-through. He desired a same-day test, due to the fact that he wished to ensure he wasn’t contaminated before his senior mother visited him. Where Gerdsen got emailed outcomes within a couple of hours, Mendez had to wait another 3 to five organisation days to get his outcomes. In fact, he said that seven company days later, he still had not received his test outcomes.

Oswald Mendez inside the examination space at City MD.

Courtesy of Oswald Mendez.

Mendez’s experience aligns with that of numerous Americans right now.

For an annual charge that can stretch into the 10s of countless dollars, concierge doctors make themselves available to their ultrawealthy clientele, which frequently includes senior executives and celebs, on a nearly 24/ 7 basis. With one text, clients can request same-day in-office consultations or house calls, outpatient procedures, or referrals to an expert. While there’s certainly a high upfront cost to concierge coverage, one medical facility check out alone for a coronavirus screening process produced an expense of countless dollars, prior to insurance provider agreed to waive co-pays

National trade publication Concierge Medicine Today approximated the nationwide number of concierge physicians at 12,000 since June 2019, a select group compared to the 756,800 total physicians counted by the Bureau of Labor Statics in2018 Basically, the large bulk of Americans do not have access to this type of treatment.

Due to the fact that these doctors work individually of the insurance companies and the large medical facility systems that control much of America’s health care system, they have been able to sidestep the federal government’s sluggish response to the crisis and prepare themselves– and their customers– for the pandemic. Sometimes, they have actually offered sought-after screening packages to their high-paying clients.

A swab to be used to test for the unique coronavirus is seen in the materials of Harborview Medical Center’s home evaluation group throughout preparations to go to the house of an individual potentially exposed, at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle.

David Ryder/Reuters.

An alternative to America’s ‘inefficient’ health care system

Not all concierge physicians register in medical school with imagine ending up being doctors for the abundant and famous.

To make ends satisfy, Larkin said she still had to spend much of her time seeing clients, and after a year, she stated the hospital’s counsel blocked a vital hire that upended her whole vision for the.

” I discovered myself back as an utilized physician in a big, complicated inefficient health system and was incredibly frustrated,” Larkin informed Service Insider.

The concierge model isn’t the problem, they told us; it’s the rest of the health care system.

Benya charges her clients a $1,000 month-to-month retainer that consists of endless phone calls and check outs.

The greatest perk a concierge doctor’s charge purchases is individualized medical attention

Concierge physicians say that having a physician on retainer typically ends up saving clients time and money in a crisis, as compared to immediate care and emergency situation space visits.

” I can pivot,” Larkin informed Service Insider.

While the broader healthcare system disregarded the signs that the coronavirus had actually started to spread in the United States earlier this year, Larkin stated she was working to offer her clients with access to tests that weren’t yet being used to Cincinnati’s general population. Larkin stated that while her husband, Dr. Arthur Pancioli, a physician who oversees 3 emergency rooms as the chair of emergency situation medication at UCMC, had to wait on the local health department to establish the capability to run tests, she was able to buy them directly from private labs like LabCorp.

An emergency room at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center in April2019

UC Health.

An agent for the UCMC did not react to Service Insider’s request for talk about its COVID-19 screening treatments, or on Larkin’s expert history at the health center.

At the beginning of the pandemic, Larkin might send out nasal swabs off and get results within 48 hours. But as other healthcare providers, consisting of urgent care centers, began to send out in tests of their own, wait times for outcomes soon stretched to 14 days. To combat this delay, Larkin and other concierge physicians started buying antibody tests that claim to be able to discover not just if a client is contaminated, but if they have been contaminated in the past. In some cases, concierge doctors were able to get these tests weeks prior to labs started offering them to the general public online

Even some concierge doctors question the principles of offering tests that aren’t offered to the public

Physicians hawking pricey additionals that are, as Larkin put it, “possibly cutting edge or maybe fringe, depending upon who you ask,” is nothing brand-new for the concierge medicine space.

Beverly Hills concierge Dr. David Narzarian, whose Instagram account includes images of him presenting in his waiting room with stars like Dennis Quaid, Kendall Jenner, and Kelly Rowland, likewise performs IV vitamin treatment and anti-aging medicine in addition to primary care and COVID-19 tests. Benya’s practice, TREATMENT, also has its own beauty salon and medical medspa.

Instagram/drlisabenya.

While some may state that selling coronavirus tests isn’t much different from administering Botox injections, there is an essential difference: The former are in short supply

” That’s where the principles of this comes into play, because I do have a lot of clients who naturally desire to be evaluated simply to be sure,” Eitches stated.

The Medical Board of California is likewise considering the principles of concierge physicians offering coronavirus tests, having actually verified to the Los Angeles Times that it is reviewing the matter, following a previous report by the paper’s Adam Elmahrek, Amy Kaufman, and Ben Poston.

New York-based eye doctor Dr. Yuna Rapoport continued to see patients at her practice, Manhattan Eye, even as the city’s break out spiraled into the worst in the nation.

The coronavirus testing center set up by Dr. Larkin.

Dr. Lisa Larkin MD & Associates.

When a concierge doctor that Rapoport frequently talks to begun offering antibody tests in late April, she chose to take one, despite the fact that she had currently self-isolated and recovered from her signs. All Rapoport had to do was text the medical professional the night before, address a few questions, send to a temperature test, and get a quick finger prick. A couple of hours later on, she discovered that she was favorable for coronavirus antibodies.

What the test results really mean for clients’ daily lives is just as ambiguous as their precision. Although Rapoport now understands that she has antibodies, she said she still isn’t sure if that indicates she can’t contract the infection again.

For this reason, Rapoport said that, while she has begun seeing patients once again in her workplace, she hasn’t provided up social distancing outside of it.

Concierge medical professionals have also evaluated numerous clients who have less engaging reasons to validate their resistance than Rapoport.

Joe Rogan.

Michael Reaves/Getty Images.

Concierge MD LA, where the medical professional who carried out Rogan’s test works, markets both nasal swab and antibody tests for COVID-19 on its website for $299 A representative for Concierge MD LA did not respond to Service Insider’s request for comment on its screening practices.

Some concierge medical professionals, including Larkin, have actually not only checked their customers for complimentary, but have actually opened up their screening focuses to the basic public.

Larkin likewise hosts twice-weekly Facebook Lives to upgrade both the public and her patients on the status of the outbreak in Cincinnati.

Benya stated she’s seen a significant boost in interest from potential brand-new clients.

” I hope that medicine shifts by doing this for everybody in the future,” Benya said of the benefits of concierge medicine. “It’s satisfying and satisfying for both sides.”

However provided how unusual concierge practices are, and the high in advance cost they entail, that future might be a long method off for the majority of Americans.

More:

BI Select Arts & Culture Billionaires Billionaire

Chevron icon It indicates an expandable section or menu, or often previous/ next navigation options.

.

%%.

from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/inside-the-world-of-concierge-medicine-where-covid-19-tests-are-plentiful/

[alexismartinez18]

Vent Sesh, since no one ever reads these.

So my dog is currently basically being fostered by a person who I considered a friend for a long time, through all the bs she has put me through and all the mean things she has said and done, I remained a faithful friend, though I should have caught on to the red flags way sooner. I wont get into detail of the things she has done because there are just way too many. Anyways,she has had my dog for about a year now, I moved across country and he was supposed to come with me, but things with the airlines didnt work out and so I couldnt bring him, and in an emergency, I asked her to hold him until I got settled here and then id come get him. Well as I said its been a little over a year, because I was trying to settle in, get a stable job and what not, I was supposed to use some tax return money and school refunds to get him, but the taxes ended up being taken from me and my school refund ended up all going towards rent because I still wasn’t working. I finally got a job, however with my job being based on reputation and what not,  I wasn’t booking many jobs at first, I wasnt even making enough to be able to afford rent at the time, and I was stressing out becuase I didnt want to get kicked out of my home, and if i did, i would have nowhere to go, and Im also states away from home on the other side of the country, I was struggling hard. I ended up getting a second job, but even that job I was just making enough to pay my bills and eat. I eventually quit that job and worked my other job more and ended up getting a job with a great family whom became like my family, however, I was still making just enough to cover rent. I should Also mention that during this transition between jobs, I ended up moving to another apartment, which is where my next school money refund went to, because I had become severely depressed and anxious at my other home, and was ready to end it all. I knew I needed to get away for the sake of my mental health, because I was seriously leaning towards suicide, but I wanted to live for my family and for my dog. I moved, got my stable job, but it was still just enough to cover my rent and utilities. Next school money came and it all went to helping me cover rent because things at work were starting to slow down. Then January rolled around and I got the sickest I have ever been, I was out of work for about 3 1/2 of the 5 weeks and was pretty much screwed with bills and such, I was late on rent, because I live paycheck to paycheck, and so when my school money came in, of course that was where it went to, however, becuase I was still working, even though I was living paycheck to paycheck, I still did manage to get a plane ticket to go get my baby. I made it for the beginning of April as the virus was just becoming a thing, and we weren’t quarantined just yet, things were still pretty normal, but flights had started to get cheaper. I had no idea, as most of us didn’t, that we were going to be stuck inside all the time quarantined before this happened, however, after learning of how serious this virus actually is and being home, I decided it was best to hold off for a couple months to let things die down, as for 1, I had 0 protection at the time, no face masks or anything, and 2. I didnt want to risk getting sick, especially after the hell I had gone through in January after being sick for 3 1/2 weeks and then I live with other people, I didnt want to get them sick either or get anyone else I came in contact with sick, this virus is not something to take lightly. I had been wanting to change the flight for a while, but was anxious as to what the girl would say, and so because I was having so much anxiety towards the whole thing, i ended up changing it the day before I was to leave (anxiety sucks) and I finally fought through my anxiety and told her. Well this did not go well, she ended up getting mad that I changed my flight to a later month (June) because I didnt ask her if that was okay, even though she knows theres a horrible virus going around and that we should all be staying in so that we dont catch it or get others sick. I have not heard my so called friend ever since, Ive reached out, and Im being ignored, Im basically blocked on her social media, if i try and ask how my dog is doing she doesnt answer, all because I wanted to wait out this pandemic so that I and others dont get sick and possibly lose our lives. Now im here, dont know what to do, having constant horrible anxiety because I dont know how my dog is doing, and he is literally my entire life.

[coin-news-blog]

The Faketoshi BTC 550K Saga - Where Do We Go From Here?

New Post has been published on https://coinmakers.tech/news/the-faketoshi-btc-550k-saga-where-do-we-go-from-here

The Faketoshi BTC 550K Saga - Where Do We Go From Here?

With the ruling coming in on August 26th in the case of Craig Wright, a controversial Australian computer scientist and supporter of Bitcoin SV (BSV), also known as ‘Faketoshi’, one may think that this episode in the Cryptosphere is over – but it’s far from it. If anything, this may be just a beginning of various unanswered questions and issues demanding a resolution. As a myriad of questions remain unanswered, so let’s go through the major issues.

What happened?

As reported, during the hearing held in Florida, the judge reportedly rejected Wright’s testimony, finding that Wright had committed perjury and falsified documents, and Wright may lose a whopping 50% of the BTC tokens he mined with his now-deceased business partner, David Kleiman (reportedly around BTC 1.1 million (USD 11.2 billion) in total). This is only a part of a much larger and ongoing case to decide the custody of the accumulated Wright-Kleiman fortune, with Ira Kleiman, brother of David Kleiman, suing Wright for the BTC holdings Wright allegedly stole after his partner’s death.

However, attorney Bill Smith tweeted that “whatever happened at the csw [Craig Wright] hearing today – it doesn’t really matter until the actual federal judge reduces it to an Order,” given that it appears that a magistrate judge held the hearing, whose “main role is to try and help settle cases” and “assist the federal judge and clear his/her docket.” The federal judges “see the worst of humanity and thus aren’t easily fooled by someone like csw,” Smith says.

The decision made today is a sanction. Basically, Reinhart has established certain facts of the case. The jury will be instructed to consider these as uncontested facts and the defense barred from arguments which contradict them.

Wright can have an opinion. He rules on nothing.

— cryptocached (@cryptocached) August 27, 2019

The Kleiman family has waited a long time to recover assets that should have been returned to it shortly after Dave’s unfortunate death in 2013. Today’s ruling marks an important step in the right direction. @KyleWRoche

— Vel Freedman (@VelvelFreedman) August 26, 2019

It will also be interesting to see how this particular judgement will affect other ongoing proceedings involving Wright, though it may be possible that this will have a lesser impact than the Order by a federal judge.

Does Wright have those coins?

Many people believe that Wright does not actually own any BTC and that he didn’t prove that he has access to any coins. Some people find that, according to the interview Wright gave, he might transfer the BTC from the “Tulip Trust” allegedly holding BTC that Wright and Kleiman mined between 2009 and 2011.

Bitcoin Math: 50% of 0 = 0 BSV Math: 50% of 0 = $5 billion pic.twitter.com/ZLr5qccr1e

— WhalePanda (@WhalePanda) August 27, 2019

50% of 0 = 0 * x 50% of 0 = $5B * x BSV = x TL;DR 50% of BSV = 0 of BTC#CraigWrightIsAFraud pic.twitter.com/fqa4drSrnX

— Daniel Vasilev 🕶️ (@dlvasilev) August 27, 2019

On the question if he has the money to pay Kleiman, Wright replied: “If the court makes an order, I will comply with the order. And the court has made an order. It’s that simple,” adding “I own a lot of BTC. Dave should have owned 320,000 and I should have had 800,000 and now it’s 50/50. At the end of the day, that’s not a good thing for BTC.”

Watch the latest reports by Block TV.

The interviewer asked Wright if this affects the so-called “Satoshi Blocks” of unmoved bitcoins in the blockchain, and if this means that the blocks that haven’t moved since 2009 will now get transferred, to which Wright replied “Not at least, just under half. Because they’ll have to come out of partnership. I spent more money on the project than Dave, so I will rule on that and effectively Ira will get maybe 480,000 BTC.” He added that this does not include BTC, BCH, and BSV and other BTC forks, because, “according to the judge it’s only from before Dave died, so only BTC. Sorry BTC.”

What if Kleiman does receive the coins?

While we don’t know yet what Kleiman would do with BTC 500,000 he theoretically might get, what is more sure is that he will need to pay taxes. While some speculate it might be USD 2 billion, others claim that more realistically it would be around USD 3 million – USD 20 million.

The fact is Dave Kleiman’s estate owed any tax due at the time of his death in USD not BTC. He died April 26, 2013 when BTC was about $100, so his 500k of BTC was worth $50m and 40% tax = $20m. They can dump that without a market blip…

— BitTradr (@BitTradr) August 27, 2019

Meanwhile, attorney Smith speculates that Kleiman may be able recover his attorney fees and it may be possible for Kleiman to get the federal judge to reduce his judgment to a USD monetary amount. “Kleiman surely knows he is not getting any Bitcoin,” says Smith, “but he maybe able to get a judgment for the USD value + his attorney fees,” and if that happens, “he will have a judgment for ALOT of money hung around faketoshis neck forever. Whatever he has, whatever he earns…it’s kleimans…and the lack of actual Bitcoin is irrelevant.” Smith concludes with: “Get your popcorn ready. Fraud doesn’t pay folks.”

He also says in that interview that he has had access to his BTC fortune from day 1 and hasn’t tanked the market already because he is “nice”. He literally can’t speak a single sentence without lying. Fucking criminal should be executed imo.

— Official Satoshi Nakamoto IV (@trackpantsboner) August 27, 2019

What did the judge say exactly about Wright being Satoshi?

The transcript from the hearing is not out yet, though many people wish to see what exactly was said and in what regards was Wright treated. The Twitter user who claims to have attended the latest court hearing said that the presiding judge, Bruce Reinhart, was “brutal in his remarks” against Wright “while commending his attorneys for dealing with him.”

Wright did say in the interview with Modern Consensus though that “The judge won’t rule on whether I’m Satoshi. But the partnership is. So when Dave Kleiman passed, the partnership transferred to Ira.”

While the Cryptoverse rejects this idea, and the judge in his hearing may be inclined to agree (this remains to be clarified), others are still discussing alternative theories, jokingly and otherwise. Wright said that he’s not going to complain for getting to keep billions in USD, adding “And I’m the only surviving member of Satoshi? The judge ruled it was a partnership. I’m the asshole Satoshi. And Dave was the nice one.” Discussions continue.

Actually he attempted fraud by declaring just himself to be satoshi where infect both of them were satoshi, from what I’ve read he’s tried to make out he was satoshi in order that he could keep the 1.1 million coins, now the dilemma is that the blind trust must release keys now

— Lionel (@Lionel46294550) August 27, 2019

The US court *did NOT* rule that Wright/Kleiman were Satoshi Nakamoto

Anyone telling you otherwise is either insane or a liar.

— Alistair Milne (@alistairmilne) August 27, 2019

They're insane…when CW wouldn't produce the public keys for the btc Genesis Wallet in 2014 after a judge told him to put up or shut-up: we all knew he was a fraud. He cited privacy concerns…lol; it's the public keys not the private. I wonder if he realizes how btc works …

— shar53 (@tyvin8) August 27, 2019

Devin Freedman, the lawyer representing the Kleiman estate, was not available for immediate comment.

Source: cryptonews.com