#when i said i overthink everything to death this is what i meant LMAO

[doctor-hopper]

@windcarvedlyre saving these tags because yeah they’re pertinent too! komaeda is just really methodical and tends to give everything his 110%. and i love that this is, like, one of his defining personality traits even in the OVA where he doesn’t have his normal beliefs. once he’s set his mind to hating talent, he WILL kabedon you and tell you how much he hates talent.

tangentially, and kinda personally again—god, at one of my first jobs i remember i had to do a little writeup for each day, and i overthought how to do them so hard and i didn’t have any direct examples to base mine off of, and so i assumed they must be terrible, but then one day my supervisor said “by the way you have been making the nicest most detailed most clear notes out of anyone”. and then i felt very silly. a lot of learning how to survive for me has been learning how to not give my 110%. no one is meant to give their 110% all the time! if you do that you end up burnt out. bad plan. in academia i burnt myself out after a while doing that, thinking “yay, this is for learning, i am doing it the best and that’s good because i want to learn”. but working jobs was what eventually confronted me with the fact that, you know, i don’t actually owe my boss everything lmao. and then maybe i don’t owe my teachers every single thing either, because yes i owe it to myself to learn, but also if i overthink everything i Will Die. again, bad plan.

lmao servant komaeda is when he’s old enough to have entered his “actually i can just give things 60% sometimes” arc. he is still very serious about his city maze death traps, mind you. but he can slack on his lard smoothies for middle schoolers

that post i just reblogged is relatable to me personally, but i think it is also kinda relevant to how i understand komaeda.

(taken very very messily from DMs a few months back when i was trying to explain something similar:)

i look at nagito and…sometimes i think of my autistic ass in a highly specific situation, that being: i have to fill out a form, and the instructions act like the answers are important, but a lot of the questions are so vague, and so i’m stressed because i am taking the form’s importance very seriously, and so finding myself unable to answer the questions sufficiently—but if i tell anyone else i’m stressed cause i don’t know how to answer a question, they say, “it doesn’t matter, just do it however”. (but i thought it was supposed to be important how i did it!)

…uh, i didn’t explain how this ties into nagito lmao…it ties into nagito because he is very consciously overthinking all the rules that the rest of society takes for granted and on intuition—AND, he is therefore prone to ending up even more obsessed with them than anyone else.

i’m not saying that’s the whole story of nagito or that he’s autistic even! just a thought. cause nagito has the whole extreme trauma business to go along with his reason for adhering to those things so closely anyways.

but he’s more conscious of the same ideals about talent that are still controlling everyone else unconsciously. and yet he is still bound by them.

where other people would just…act how they think about people with/without talent, manifest their biases, and not necessarily need to make justifications, nagito has consciously built himself around it and engages in constant conscious rationalization. and it’s because the world forces it on him literally and he takes it for its word.

[gyeheoni]

q&a anon here - nono it's okay! i like reading your mini essays

:0 more thoughts on the others' ? might you share them?

and yeah i get the part about the stigma present in asian cultures (am east asian lol) :( am just glad he's feeling well enough to share his experiences and come back to promote with vrvr again

hhh thank you for reading all of that if you did ! T-T i think overall vrvr's premise for this cb is super interesting,,, and sure ;;;; omg i really just ramble uselessly about things ;;;; but it's nice to talk to other people about this stuff :]] ! esp since i don't think the teasers are super accessible for everyone lmao if i didn't have kverrers i would not know anything that goes on (tbh i still don't kjfghdf) so have to give a big thank you to verrer twt ;;;; and yea ;;;; if anything i'm happy minchan gets to be with the others again ! they all very clearly love him dearly ;;;; and when times are tough you really need people who care about you close ! (all the letters can be found here ! for anyone who still needs to read them ^^)

i didn't have anything i wanted to speak on too too specifically so apologies ahead of time if this is all over the place ! first tho, i read a thread recently about vrvr's writing ? / speaking styles from a translator ! and i noticed some of the things they were talking about too... i also ! have the diy version of face you ! where the members all wrote a short message and i felt in those messages and in the letters too you can really see each of their personalities kind of clearly ? for lack of a better description ;;;; like we talked about minchan's ;;;; there's something very earnest and genuine in his ;;;; which probably took immense courage on his part ... and also like we talked about it seems his feelings are a bit difficult to lay out when he describes them ;;;;

and i get this from some of the members too ? i feel like i'm probably most familiar with dongheon fgjhdgjd i haven't been a verrer long but ;;;; i sit in on a lot of his vlives and i've mentioned it before but he has a lot of ?? cuteness in the way he speaks looool i honestly think that's just how he talks normally ;;;; you'll see in his letter too he uses a lot of exclamations points and the TT in one of his answers ;;;; i felt like nothing he said really surprised me, but his genuine interest in song production and that whole process is really endearing to me personally ;;;; he talked about it too in his voice vlive but he's had a lot of worries and struggles for this upcoming promotion and i think you can kinda tell from the way he talks about stuff but it's mixed in with fanservice (?) so,,, not gonna try and project ;;;; but i know he's been working really hard ! and i am proud of him u.u (*cringe cringe*)

hoyoung and gyehyeon LMAO fkjhgdkjfgh ... they both rarely do solo vlives so i haven't heard them talk too much on their own and in their letters too, it's pretty ! straightforward and to the point ! both of their answers are short and concise, no extra add-ons... maybe it's bc i'm gyehyeon biased (now ?? ig ???) but i feel like he's always surprisingly warm in some ways ... really did not take him for the fanservice type at all but i'm starting to see more of it ;;;;; of course take my interpretations as you will as a baby verrer </3 i don't see them both as too talkative to begin with so not much insight i could provide for their letters ! i just thought it was kinda funny, if you removed the names and pics i probably would have been able to point out who's who if you asked kjfghdjkfg oh ig another thing you can really tell that performance is a big motivator for gye ;;;; he's always been kind of an enigma to me so it's hard for me to read past that

yeonho <33 my bestie i care he ! i really admire his optimism / outlook a lot ! and i think that really comes through in his letter like filling his room with lights ;;;; and then the joke about the 'hole' being only 2 meters deep fkjghdfjgh he's so *heart eyes* you know :'))) a funny guy :3 i remember the members saying he really does have such a bright personality and that makes me happy to hear ;;;; wishing him genuine happiness always ^^ yongseung ! i think he's quite literal like hoyoung and gyehyeon were too in some ways in his answers but there's something very mature and eloquent in how he describes stuff... like that metaphor of deep water,,, shine says he's very well-spoken and i'd definitely agree ;;;; smth almost poetic to the flow of his words it's very neat :0 and lastly kangmin ;;;; kangmin is so obviously babie ;;;; he has so many question marks in his answers ;;;;; lol kinda looks like he's unsure of his own words (wow like me using 20+ ? in this ask probably) ik the other members have said he's slowly becoming more self assured ! and i certainly hope to be able to see that growth ^^

but yea ! overall ! like i said i don't much like the use of ... at least the depression question in what is ... to oversimplify a convoluted music video teaser drop ;;; i also think by complicating the process for all of this they might disillusion some fans T-T but in my opinion at least this was all a very intriguing and creative way to present the concept ;;;; tying together the two versions of vrvr to real life vs. idol vrvr is a very cool parallel ;;;; i just wish some of the questions were different or presented in a different context, i'm really excited honestly ! and i felt like reading their letters was nice insight ^^

[makeste]

my long boring post about chapter 293 and Kacchan’s hero name

lmao I think that’s all of them. anyways, so I said I was gonna do a post on this, and so here goes.

first off, I just want to say that people are allowed to not like the name! it’s a completely subjective thing, there’s no right or wrong “it’s good” or “it’s bad.” or rather, there is a right or wrong, and it’s whichever one you think it is. if you think it’s good, you’re right. if you think it’s bad, you’re also right. it’s an opinion, it doesn’t need to be backed up by peer review lol.

that said, here is my own completely subjective opinion: I think “Dynamight” (though please not with the capital “m”, I beg you lol) is a terrific name for him honestly. it’s clever wordplay, it’s a subtle callback/tribute to his favorite hero who is also his inspiration for becoming a hero, and it’s a perfect fit for his chosen aesthetic. it’s honestly great.

and what makes it even better is that at the same time, it is also stupid as fuck lmao. this is a name that encapsulates the duality of man. it’s the perfect metaphor for this boy who think he’s the hottest shit god ever invented, and has no idea that the number of people who take him seriously after interacting with him for more than ten seconds is actually in the single digits. this hero name is the equivalent of an excited puppy ferociously bounding towards a squirrel only to trip over its own feet and fall flat on its face. it thinks it is scary as fuck, and has no idea that 30,000 people on TikTok think it’s the most adorable thing they’ve ever seen. I unabashedly love it, and will also ceaselessly roast the everloving shit out of it without the slightest remorse, just like I roast the beloved boy attached to it. that’s just how it is lol.

so that’s how I feel about the name! however, this next part I need to emphasize: my opinion of the name, and my opinion of whether or not I actually think this will be his name, are two different things. I like the name Dynamight. I really do. and I also think there is next to no chance that this will actually be his hero name.

here’s the thing. this would have been a perfect name for him if it had been his chosen name back in chapter 45 when everyone else picked their aliases. it would have fit in seamlessly with the rest of his class. Red Riot, Chargebolt, Earphone Jack, Sugarman, Uravity; those are all names that stick in your mind and look great on official merch. those are names that sell action figures, but they also do a great job of representing the individuals behind the names. they have personality. and so does “Dynamight”, for sure.

but the thing is, for whatever reason, Horikoshi didn’t have him pick this name back in chapter 45. he went with a running gag instead. “King Explosion Murder”, “Lord Explosion Murder”, and so forth. and in the end, we never got a hero name at all. he could have had him pick Dynamight after we’d had our laughs. hell, he could have used it as an early easter egg hinting at Kacchan’s admiration for All Might, which wouldn’t be officially revealed until the final exam arc about twenty chapters later. “Dynamight” in Japanese is written out in katakana -- ダイナマイト (“dainamaito”). this is the word that’s used in Japan for actual dynamite. there is no inherent indicator that it’s a pun; it just so happens that the “mite” in dynamite is spelled out phonetically in Japanese the exact same way that “might” is. so the pun isn’t obvious unless you know to look for it. Horikoshi could have left us all thinking that “Dynamite” was his name until chapter 62 or thereabouts when he revealed that Katsuki looked up to All Might, at which point Horikoshi could finally reveal the official English spelling and it would be like a second name reveal. which would have been pretty sweet, actually.

but my point being, for some reason he instead chose not to do this. instead he chose to drag it all out for 250 chapters, content to let us all languish. this man had not a shred of mercy for the thousands of Bakugou fans who were all “please, sir, the fic,” before eventually giving up and adopting Ground Zero as the official-unofficial name until we either got a real reveal or died of old age. he dragged it out, and kept it as a gag, and eventually it was just like, fine, whatever.

and then this happened.

and it changed everything.

because you see, all of a sudden “Bakugou’s Hero Name” wasn’t just a running joke gag plot anymore. in the span of three sentences, Horikoshi changed the entire meaning of it. “your hero name represents your desires. the embodiment of how you wish to be. your ideal self.”

just like that, the whole mystery of “what will Bakugou’s hero name be” goes from being a funny little ongoing thing to an existential question, with the implication being that the choice he finally makes, whatever it may be, will in essence reveal the very core of his character. “your ideal self.” in other words this will really be almost the pinnacle of his entire character arc. his hero name, when he finally picks it, will show us just how far he’s come. it will show us his answer to “what kind of person do you want to be.”

that is an insane amount of meaning to suddenly dump onto something that up until this point had just been a funny little running gag. “lol Bakugou loves murder and death.” “lol at this rate Bakugou will graduate while still not having an actual hero name.” from that, to suddenly out of the blue, “Bakugou’s hero name will show us who he is as a person.” like, holy shit though. and mind you, this isn’t something that’s been done for any other character. this is very Bakugou-specific. all this build-up and significance has been ascribed to his hero name specifically. at this point his name is basically its own fucking plot. it’s literally its own individual little arc. all of that build-up. all of that meaning and importance given to it.

and then Horikoshi goes and gives us this.

so. like... okay, I guess??

like, just some quick things of note here though:

he is still doing the whole “explosive destruction murder” thing on top of the “Dynamight” part. indicating that there has not been the slightest bit of thoughtful consideration actually given on his part. literally the one thing that everyone and their mom was trying to explain to him not to do, and all of it went in one ear and out the other. which is fine!! he is adorable here and I want to ruffle his hair, honestly. but it’s clear to me that he still hasn’t grasped what Jeanist was trying to explain to him before, if this is really his answer to “what would you consider to be your ideal self” lol.

the name is INSTANTLY panned by every single person in the surrounding vicinity, villains included. hell, Mirio might as well have stabbed him all over again. obviously this is intentionally being used as a lighthearted moment to briefly give the audience a breather before we wade back into the Todoroki drama; but at the same time it indicates that this name isn’t exactly going to be taken seriously by anyone who hears it in-universe. they are literally wincing upon hearing it skjlklhkgf.

lastly, none of the people closest to him -- Deku, All Might, Kirishima, or Shouto -- are even there to hear it. all of that build-up, all of that “Kacchan’s hero name will show us how far he’s come in his character development”, and then when it finally happens, the people who have had the most impact aren’t even there to partake in the moment. Shouto and Deku are busy dealing with an entirely separate plot and trying very hard not to be set on fire while Kacchan is out here providing comic relief.

because that’s really what this is, though. this is a joke. like, I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense; I mean that it is literally a joke. and so what you’re telling me is, if this really is his hero name, we waited 250 chapters and Horikoshi built up an entire character arc around it, only to have the end result be a joke panel that in the end was arguably not even the biggest thing that happened in the chapter.

like, idk, maybe there’ll be a flashback about it later after all’s said and done which will imbue it with more meaning as some have suggested. maybe Horikoshi will explain how it’s a childhood throwback name that Deku once picked for him, like that theory that’s been making the rounds. I’m not saying it won’t be possible to build on this after the fact. but it will be after the fact, all the same. as far as the initial reveal goes... this is it. the epitome of anticlimactic. a brief joke reveal mid-fight where everyone immediately goes “are you fucking serious” and he’s all “I WAS FUCKING SERIOUS” and falls down out of comedy lmao.

and so, to wrap this post up finally, basically the way I see it is that there are two possibilities here. either (1) I have been way overthinking this from day one and it was never really that deep and Horikoshi thought this would be an appropriate and funny conclusion to a plotline which in his mind was always meant to be mostly lighthearted, with the Jeanist stuff mostly just thrown in there to push Bakugou into picking an at least halfway-decent name in spite of himself.

or, (2) this isn’t going to be his final hero name either. this is instead the last hurrah of the “Lord Explosion Murder” part of that plotline, and after he’s laughed out of the room yet again he will mope and cross out this one as well, and Horikoshi will sit on it for another 500 chapters until he finally reveals it at the very fucking end of the series. like at this point I wouldn’t put it past him to wait until the very last page. I s2g, this man. but the flipside of it is that when that moment finally does happen, I fully believe it will be a moment that actually feels earned. it will feel right. it will feel like the moment we spent all that time waiting for. or at least that’s what I hope.

so anyway, those are my thoughts on it! tl;dr, while I like Dynamight as a hero name in and of itself, I don’t think it’s going to be endgame, mostly because nothing about that reveal moment actually felt right to me. and of course, it’s very possible that I’m completely wrong about this; it wouldn’t be the first time (Kacchan’s quirk says hello). but on the other hand fandom isn’t totally batting a thousand either (Ground Zero says what up), so hey. we’ll see!

[markandlexies]

The One With Will and JJ’s Wedding - Part 1

Summary: Based off of 7.23 and 7.24 of Friends! Will and JJ’s wedding is approaching and troubles arise when Will starts to panic and doesn't want to go through with it.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (Female) 

Word Count: 5,115k

A/N: This is my first time writing anything like this but I love Friends and Criminal Minds and this is one of my favorite plot lines ever. I could make this a series if anybody is interested, again I’m new to this and barely even know how to use Tumblr lmao so pls be nice!!! There isn't all that much pairing of Spence and reader here but I really loved writing the relationships between the characters and I’ll def go more into detail in later chapters! If you guys have an Friends episode you would wanna see written with the criminal minds characters, feel free to send me a request! Enjoy!

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

“Do you guys realize that this is the last time we’re all going to be here in O’Keefes as all single people?” JJ sighed, fiddling with her thumbs. You smiled at this, leaning on the arm of the couch, JJ sitting to your right. Emily sat on the couch also, squeezed in next to Garcia. Reid nursed a cup of coffee on the love seat to the left, while Hotch, Rossi and Morgan sat around the small table listening intently to their friend. 

“Why, what’s happening to O’Keefes?” Garcia questioned, not understanding what JJ was trying to say. 

Everyone just stared at her, used to this kind of behavior, and waited for the lightbulb. 

“Ohhh! Right!”

“I cant believe in just two days I’ll be Mrs. LaMontagne. God, it’s just- we’ve been waiting for so long and now the day is finally here,” JJ smiled to herself, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“I’m so excited for you, Jaje,” you smiled, resting your hand on her knee and giving it a light squeeze. She placed her hand over yours, “I just can’t help but be nervous, you know?” 

“Of course, that’s normal! But actually, it’s been statistically proven that men are more nervous about marriage than woman. About 60% of men get cold feet-“ 

The sentence was cut short with a yelp as you kicked Spencer in the shin, urging him to stop. 

Morgan cleared his throat as JJ laughed nervously. “But that’s not gonna happen... right?” 

“Hey, don’t look at me...” Rossi chuckled. 

“N-no of course not!” You stammered, trying to calm the bride to be’s nerves. “Spence, what are the statistics of couples that actually end up happy together?” 

“Well actually about 50% to 60% of marriages end in divorce, but that doesn’t count factors such as death-“ he started.

“Well would you look at the time, we gotta go!” Garcia said, putting an end to this conversation before it could get any worse. 

“Where are you guys going?” Hotch asked, taking a sip of his drink. 

“We’re going to pick up the wedding dress and then go have lunch with my Mom,” JJ exclaimed as the girls all stood up to gather their belongings. Morgan got up with them, leaving Spencer, Rossi and Hotch to exchange questioning looks. 

“Derek, you’re having lunch with JJ’s mom?” Rossi asked, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“No... I just heard lunch...”

-

After lunch, the girls sat around the apartment as JJ went over her list of things that still needed to be done in order for her big day. 

“So what else do you have on that list?” Emily asked as she delicately applied a second coat of polish to her right hand. 

“Oh, this is a different list. This is my list of all the things that could go wrong at the wedding,” she said as she wrote a couple more notes on the paper before her. 

As she was met with silence she continued on, “You know, that way I could be prepared.”

“...Well, what do you have so far?” Garcia chimed in.

“So far I have, my bridesmaids dresses won’t get picked up, my veil gets lost or I don’t have my something blue-“

“Hey! Those are all the things I’m responsible for!” You interrupted, putting your coffee mug down. 

“I had to do with the odds, Y/N/N!” 

Before you could interject again, Will waltzed through the door. You all greeted him with a smile as he stood behind JJ’s chair, placing a  kiss on the top of her head. 

“What are you guys up to?” He asked, his hands finding their way to JJ’s shoulders. 

“Just finishing my list of all the things that could go wrong at the wedding. You can never be too sure,” she shrugged, making a couple of more notes. 

Will shook his head laughing, “Oh, relax! Everything will be perfectly fine.” 

“Yeah!” You chimed in. “Stop looking for things to go wrong, you don’t want to jinx it!” 

“Exactly!” He agreed, walking over to the fridge to grab a beer. “So, who’s excited for 7:00 tonight?” 

You all just stared at him as Garcia walked behind JJ, tearing the page off the notepad. “You might want to start a, ‘What Could Go Wrong at the Rehearsal Dinner’ list. One: Will forgets the time.” 

“Will! I told you a thousand times it’s 6:30!” JJ huffed immediately scribbling down on her new paper. You grab the notepad and clutch it to your chest. “Will you stop it? He’s just messing with you! He knows it’s at 6:30!” You turn around at his wide eyed figure. “Right?” 

“Uh- yeah! I knew it was 7:00 I was just kidding-“

“6:30!” You all yelled in unison. 

“That’s what I meant!”

“You’re killing me here, Will!” You whispered before turning back around to your best friend. “Jaje, everything will be perfectly fine! Everything is going to go as planned!” 

“She’s right! You need to stop worrying!” Emily laughed, blowing on her nails. 

JJ nodded, “Yeah, you guys are right...” She stood up walking to her fiancé, “Can you believe that tomorrow we’re gonna be married?!” He smiled at her before giving her a quick peck on the lips. “Yes, and I’m so excited for you to finally be Mrs. LaMontagne.” 

You all smiled at the interaction, none of you could be happier for the pair in front of you. 

“I just cant believe we made it!” She swooned, grabbing his hands in hers. 

“Well, you don’t have to sound so surprised!” Will scoffed. 

“It’s just- never mind.” She started, walking to put some dishes in the sink. 

“What?” Will laughed, following her as she walked. 

“Well... honestly,” she started, “... ever since we’ve gotten engaged I’ve been waiting for something to... you know, flip you out.”

You all giggled, silently agreeing. It was no question that Will loved JJ, but he had a tendency to overthink. 

“Honestly, me too... I keep waiting for something stupid to come up that’ll make me freak out and go all... Will. But nothing has.”

She turned around and smiled at him, caressing his face. “I’m so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during all of this.” She placed another kiss to his lips before slipping into the bathroom. 

You all sat in comfortable silence for a moment before the phone started ringing. Before anyone could volunteer to answer it, it had stopped, automatically going to voicemail. 

“Hi! If you’re calling before Saturday, you’ve reached JJ and Will! But if you’re calling after Saturday, you’ve reached Mr and Mrs. LaMontagne! Please leave a message for the LaMontagnes!” 

The girls all giggled, having been there when JJ recorded it, assuming Will had heard it already. You all continued what you were doing and missed the look of panic that was only being discussed not too long ago. Will started to sweat profusely and loosen his tie a bit, feeling he was being choked to death. 

The LaMontagnes.

-

The rehearsal dinner had gone smoothly for the most part, nobody realizing the panic that had been struck into Will just hours before. 

Before they knew it, the night had ended and their big day had begun. The girls had been sitting around like they were the previous day, eating breakfast and chatting, excited for what was ahead. JJ was prancing around the apartment, nervously fluffing pillows and moving magazines in a straight line, she had so much adrenaline and didn’t know what to do with it. 

Little did she know that across the hall, Spencer and Derek were tearing the apartment apart looking for the groom to be. Will had been staying with them the night before, being that JJ wanted the wedding day to be as traditional as possible, which meant they were not to see each other until she was walking down the aisle. 

“Will! Come on, buddy. Time to wake up!” Morgan huffed, knocking on the door. 

After no answer, Spencer called, “Will...”

No answer again. The men exchanged questioning looks as came to agreement their next move was to just walk in. Opening the door, they were met with a neatly tucked bed. They looked at each other confused. Derek walked in going to see if there was an trace of where he went as Spencer walked towards the kitchen. 

He stopped in his tracks as his eyes met with a piece of yellow paper sitting on the counter. “Morgan...” He started, walking over to read what it said. 

“What is it, Pretty Boy?” Derek asked his, standing next to Reid. 

“Oh no.”

The boys ran across the hall, knocking feverishly on the door in front of them. They were met with your smile, “What’s up, you guys?”

Your smile quickly faded as you saw their worried faces. 

“Is JJ in here?” Morgan asked in a hushed tone. 

“She’s steaming her dress, why?” Garcia answered coming behind you. 

The boys walked in the door a little further. Spencer looked up at you, pulling the paper out of his pocket. “I think Will’s gone...”

You reluctantly took the paper out of Spencer’s hands, Garcia looking down to read it with you. 

“Tell JJ I’m sorry.”

You met Spencer’s eyes with disbelief of what was in front of you. The group had soon enough caught Emily’s attention and she walked over. 

“What’s up?” She asked as you placed the note in her hands. 

“Tell JJ I’m sorry,” she read aloud. She looked up at Morgan, shoving the note in his hands, “Tell her yourself!” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose as she attempted to walk away, grabbing her by the forearm and pushing everybody outside the door. 

“Oh my God! Will just left her?” You cried, running your hands through your hair. 

“Okay, yeah! But maybe it’s not what we think! Maybe it’s, ‘Tell JJ I’m sorry... I drank the last of the milk!” Morgan said, desperately trying to convince himself also. 

“Oh!” Garcia nodded excitedly, “Or maybe h- he was writing to tell her that he’s changed his name, you know! Uh- Tell JJ I’m ‘Sorry.’”

You and Spencer looked at each other in annoyance before Spencer whisper shouted, “I think it means he freaked out and left!” 

“Don’t he so negative! God, isn’t it possible ‘Sorry’ is sitting in there right now!” Garcia whisper shouted back at Reid. 

Spencer put his head in his hands and before it could escalate any further you put your hand on Garcia’s shoulder and said, “Okay, I-I think Spencer is right. What are we gonna do?” 

Spencer sighed, “Well, me and Derek are gonna have to go find him and bring him back.” You all nodded in agreement. 

“You guys make sure JJ doesn’t find out, okay?” Morgan added, clearly stressed. 

You all started to go your separate ways as you noticed Garcia following you and Emily back into the apartment. 

“Oh! No you don’t!” Emily started, blocking the door with her arm. 

“W-what-“ Garcia stammered confused. 

You called back to the boys who were walking out of their apartment again, jackets  and phones in hand, “She’s coming with you guys.”

“Good call,” Spencer laughed.

“What are you talking about?!” Garcia huffed looking back and forth between the group. 

“Pen, we need JJ to not find out! You’d blow our cover in seconds!” You said nudging her towards the guys. 

“Oh, come on! That’s not fair-“

“Babygirl, you know you can’t keep secrets-“

“Oh, fine!” She rolled her eyes, walking away with them.

You and Emily walked back into the apartment as JJ excitedly ran out of her room with wet hair and a robe clinging to her body. “I’m getting married today!” The sentence ended with a yelp as she fell to the floor, you and Emily running to her aid but quickly coming to a halt as she picked herself up, not even phased. 

“Think I just cracked a rib...” she started, her smile still intact. “But I don’t care because today’s my wedding day! My day is finally here! I’m gonna start getting ready!” She ran back into the room clapping and squealing. 

“You know... she might not even notice he’s gone,” Emily shrugged, attempting to lighten the mood. 

Tears prickled at your eyes and you put your head in your hands. “She cant start getting ready! This is too awful!” 

“Shh!”

“She’ll be in the gown, and then he won’t show up! And she’s gonna have to take off the gown! It’s gonna be so awful-“ You started, panic running through your veins. 

“Y/N, stop it! You cant do this out here!” Emily rolled her eyes, pulling you into the bathroom. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It’s just so sad!” You cried, gripping the sink and shaking your head. 

“You have got to pull yourself together! JJ cant see you like this or else she’ll know something is wrong!” Emily urged rubbing your shoulder in an effort to calm you down. 

“I know, I’m sorry. God, there’s no tissue!” You groaned looking around the sink, “Can you grab me some toilet paper?” 

There was no toilet paper either, Emily looked down into the trash can. “Oh... I found some...” She hesitantly reached into the can, pulling out some crumpled toilet paper and handing it to you. 

“Thank you, Em,” you sniffled, wiping away your tears, “Can I have another one?”

Emily scratched the back of her head, cringing as she looked down at the trash can again. “Sure...”

She pulled the sleeve of her shirt up before reaching in again, pulling out some more. “Need some floss?” She suggested, shaking it in front of you with her hand. 

You ignored her as you continued with your tears, “I just cant imagine what is going to happen if Will doesn’t show up.”

Emily continued to look through the can. 

“I mean, she’s gonna be at the wedding waiting for him! And people are gonna be whispering, ‘Oh, that poor girl!’ You know! And then she’ll have to come back here and live all alone,” you shook your head, turning to face the previously steamed wedding dress hanging up on the shower rod. 

“Oh my God.”

“What?” you asked, eyes never leaving the beautiful dress that you hoped to see your best friend in later that day. 

“There was a pregnancy test in the garbage and it’s positive.”

Your eyes widened as you turned to face Emily and the little stick in her hands.

“JJ’s pregnant.”

Your hand instantly shot up to your mouth. 

Emily sighed, “So I guess she won’t be totally alone.”

“Oh my God,” you whispered. 

“Can you believe it? JJ’s gonna have a baby!” Emily said in disbelief, “Hey, can this count as her something new?”

You were at a loss for words, this was bad. 

“Do you think this is why Will took off?”

You shook your head, biting your nails, “No, she had to of just taken this test. I took out the trash last night.”

Emily looked back down at the little stick, “This is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant, the groom is missing... and I’m still holding this!” She shuddered as she dropped it back into the trash.

“Em...” you started, meeting her eyes, “we cannot tell anyone about this.”

“Right... yeah. Okay,” she nodded standing up from her spot on the toilet seat, you following her movement to the door. 

“Wait do you know what kind’ve birth control she was using?”

“No, why?” you asked. 

“Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it!” You tried to laugh but nothing came out, you were screwed. 

-

“Anything?” You asked as you walked into Spencer and Morgan’s apartment. 

“Nothing! And we looked everywhere!” Garcia groaned from her spot on the couch. 

You all shook your head in disbelief, this was a nightmare. 

“I am going to kick his ass when I see him! I’m starting to think we don’t really even know this guy! I mean think about it, does anybody else ever really understand him when he’s speaking?” Morgan huffed, looking around for an answer. 

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up, Derek! He’s just freaking out! We should’ve known this was gonna happen sooner or later!” 

Reid sighed in a agreement as he met your eyes, “This is bad, you guys. I don’t know where else we should look.” 

You ran your hands through your hair, “We’re gonna have to just tell her that he’s gone!” you said as you turned around to walk towards the door. 

Spencer jumped up from his seat, “Y/N, no! We can’t!”

“Spence, she’s gonna start getting ready soon!”

“Cant you at least stall her a little?” He pleaded, walking over towards you. “We can go back to some of the places we went last night!”

You looked up at him, he was grabbing your forearm lightly. You could never say no to those eyes. 

“Alright,” you sighed, “...how much time do you need?”

“How much time until she absolutely has to start getting ready?” Derek interrupted. 

“One hour.”

“Okay, give us two,” he replied, gathering his things from the counter. 

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, “Then why do you even ask?!”

You all started to walk towards the door. Emily decided to join them, being that they needed all the help they could get. Hotch and Rossi were now in on the plan too and they agreed they should all split up in groups. 

“Y/N! There you are!” JJ giggled as she excitedly walked towards you as you entered the apartment. With her cosmetic bag in hand, she sat down at the kitchen table, already spilling out the contents, “So I thought we’d start with my makeup and then do my hair!”

“Okay... uh...” you stammered, “before we do that... I-I need you to talk to me...”

“About what?”

“Um...” you were already cringing at the words about to come out of your mouth. 

“I’m never going to get married!” You cried, placing a hand over your face. 

JJ rolled her eyes and looked up at you, “Yeah, you will! The right guy is just around the corner... Okay, are we done with that?” she said quickly and continued to look through her makeup bag. 

“JJ, I’m serious! Maybe I should just forget about it! I’ll become a lesbian or something...” you rambled on, faking more tears and sitting down next to her, trying to get her attention again. 

However, it didn’t work. JJ didn’t even look up at you when she scoffed, “Any woman would be lucky to have you.”

You mentally face palmed. This was getting pathetic, and you couldn’t believe what you were about to say next. 

“Maybe it would make me feel better if I just slept with Derek.”

JJ immediately stopped what she was doing and put a hand on your shoulder with wide eyes and a concerned face. “Oh my God, Y/N, are you okay?”

You shook your head quickly and stuffed your face in her shoulder, letting out fake cries. 

-

“What are you doing, man?” Derek huffed as he stood besides Hotch and Penelope in front of Will’s desk at the station. 

“I cant believe you guys found me! I knew I should have hid somewhere more secretive!”

Penelope rolled her eyes, “Will! What the hell are you doing?

Will shakily ran a hand through his hair, “Panicking...” he pointed to laptop opened in front of him, “Also trying to prove on the internet that I’m related to JJ.”

The trio was unamused. 

Will got the hint quickly and asked, “How is she?”

“She’s fine. She doesn’t know you’re gone,” Hotch spoke up, getting closer to the desk, “and she doesn’t have to know, okay?”

Derek nodded in agreement, “Yeah, come on. We’re going back home-“

“I-I can’t! If I go back, we’re gonna become the LaMontagnes!” Will cut him off, shaking his head, “I can’t be the LaMontagnes!”

“What’s wrong with being the LaMontagnes?” Garcia questioned, clearly not following. 

“The LaMontagnes have horrible marriages! All they do is yell and fight, and it never ends up well!”

Hotch, Penelope and Derek looked back at Will, finally understanding. He didn’t talk about it much, but Will and his parents were not close, he was too scarred from what they had put him through growing up to ever reconstruct their relationship. 

“Man...” Derek began in an effort to calm him down, “You are nothing like either of your parents! You and JJ would never put each other through anything like that!”

Will thought about it for a second before saying, “I mean, look at Rossi! It’s just been divorce after divorce-“

“Will! Listen to me!” Penelope interrupted walking over to the side of the desk, “Right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do... but I totally believe you can do this!”

Will looked at his hands before saying, “I want to. I love her so much. But I’m afraid... this is... too huge.”

“You’re right, it is huge,” Hotch chimed in. He remembered when he was the one getting married and started to sympathize with the nerves of the man in front of him. “Just take it one step at a time. Forget getting married right now, can you just come home and take a shower?”

Morgan nodded in agreement, “Yeah, that’s not scary, right?”

Will slowly started to stand up in agreement and the trio in front of him couldn’t help but smile. 

-

“The nights are the hardest...” you cried, looking down at your hands. JJ rolled her eyes. “But then the day comes... and that’s every bit as hard as the night. Then the night comes again-“

“I get it, okay? The days and nights are both hard!” JJ snapped in frustration. “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry but I have to start getting ready. I am getting married today,” she emphasized. 

“I know... at dusk. That’s such a hard time for me.”

JJ stood up, not being able to take anymore of your pity party. “Okay. I’m gonna go put my makeup on. We have to be at the hotel in an hour.”

As she started to walk towards the bathroom you jumped up, “W-wait! Let’s go to lunch!”

“I can’t go to lunch!” She shrieked, running into the bathroom. 

You were starting to run out of ideas. Throwing yourself to the floor you yelled, “Oh  good God, I’ve fallen down!”

JJ stormed out of the bathroom, crossing her arms and looked at you sprawled out on the floor. “What the hell is going on?”

“Alright, JJ, listen...” you said standing up, feeling the tears ready to spill. “When I tell you what I’m about to tell you I need you to remember we’re all here for you and we all love you.”

JJ’s gaze softened, “Y/N/N, you’re really starting to freak me out...”

You looked down at your shaking hands as you whispered, “We can’t find Will...”

And just like that the door opened to reveal a smiling Emily Prentiss holding two big thumbs up. 

“...s vest. We cant find Will’s vest-“

“How can that be are you serious?!” JJ cried.

Emily caught on and shut the door walking towards you two, “Found the vest! Well I mean we have to keep an eye on it. You know, to make sure we don’t lose it again!”

JJ instantly relaxed and started laughing, “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that, okay?” 

You both started nervously laughing as she started to walk towards the bathroom to finally do her makeup. 

“For a minute there I was like, ‘Oh my God, the worst has happened!’ Phew!”

You and Emily both looked at each other with a sigh of relief. 

-

Derek stood behind Will in the mirror, smoothing down his tux. “See, that wasn’t so scary was it? You put on a tuxedo!”

Will laughed nervously, looking at his reflection, “No... I guess not.”

Spencer smiled, “See, just a little bit at a time.”

“So what‘s the next little bit?”

Derek and Spencer looked nervously at each other, knowing they had to choose their next words very carefully. 

“Just uh,” Derek stammered, “Getting married-“

Will let out a girl-like shriek, putting his head in his hands. 

“W-woah, relax! You can do it! Just like you’ve done everything else!”

He lifted his head, nodding at Spencer’s words. “You’re right... I can do it. Just excuse me for a minute,” he sighed walking towards the door. 

The men shared a skeptical look before Will added, “I’m not gonna run away again! I just need some fresh air.”

The boys reluctantly let Will out of the door and he paced the halls, trying to let all the nerves out. Hearing familiar voices around the corner, Will walked into one of the empty rooms on his left, trying not to be seen. The last thing he needed was to run into JJ in her dress before they were married and ruin this day even more than he almost already did. He soon recognized the voices as Y/N and Emily. 

“I just cant believe JJ is pregnant! We gotta make sure we don’t say that too loud in here, you know they frown on that,” Emily said, referring to the church.  

Pregnant?! How could it be? They used protection every single time?

All Will could hear was your humorless chuckles and wordless responses to what Emily was saying. 

When your voices were gone, he popped his panicked head out of the door and started pacing the other way. 

-

“Hey...” Derek nervously laughed as he entered the bridal suite. He was met with the eyes of JJ’s family members and gave them all a quick wave. “Have any of you seen Will?”

Penelope was fixing her hair in the mirror and quickly turned around, “I thought he was with you!”

Suddenly everyone’s attention was on Derek. “Well... he was,” he awkwardly looked around. “We’re playing a game of hide and seek.”

Penelope’s shoulders relaxed, “Well you can’t ask us, Chocolate Thunder! That’s cheating!” She turned back around scoffing, to continue pulling at little pieces of hair to frame her face. The rest of the room was clearly uncomfortable.

Derek gritted his teeth, “You’re right. Thanks for keeping me honest, Babygirl...” he smiled at the rest of JJ’s family, trying to make sure they didn’t suspect anything. 

Walking towards Penelope to tell her Will was actually missing, he immediately came to a halt as JJ and Emily walked in the room. 

“JJ, you look beautiful,” he smiled, giving her a hug. 

She hugged him tightly and thanked him before asking, “How’s Will?”

Derek paused. 

“Great. He’s doing great. Don’t you worry about Will!” he nervously chuckled before turning his attention back to the other side of the room. “Penelope, Emily, will you help me with something outside?” 

The girls nodded and followed him out, Penelope closing the door behind them. 

“Will is gone again!”

“Oh my God!” Penelope cried, “Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk!”

Derek rolled his eyes before turning his head and seeing the man of the hour walking with a small gift bag. 

“Hey- There he is!” 

“What-“ 

Without thinking Derek sprinted towards the man, tackling him on the floor. “You’re not getting away this time-“

“What are you talking about- I’m not trying to leave! I-I know about JJ.” He groaned, pushing Morgan off of him and standing up. 

“You know?” Emily asked in disbelief. 

“Know what?” Garcia chimed in, matching Derek’s expression of confusion. 

“I heard you and Y/N talking...” Will answered. 

“Talking about what?” questioned Derek, looking around confusingly. 

“Oh my God... You know.” Emily whispered.

“Can someone tell us what the hell is going on right now-“ Penelope exclaimed. 

“JJ’s pregnant.”

The pair looked at each other in shock, and broke out in smiles as Will pulled out a tiny onesie. 

“Anything this tiny can’t be so scary.”

-

The ceremony had begun and all the guests had taken their seats. Rossi took his rightful spot in the center, being that he would be the one to officiate the wedding. Will was accompanied by his parents down the aisle and one after the other, the bridesmaids and the groomsman met in the middle and followed. It went Emily and Hotch, Derek and Penelope and then it was time for you to meet Spencer. It was the first time you had seen each other dressed up. The day had been so hectic you hadn’t had the chance to run into one another. He looked handsome in his suit, his hair so perfectly messy, and it took everything in you to not sprint over to him and run your hands through it. 

Spencer was speechless, He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you walking towards him to meet in the aisle. You looked gorgeous in your light blue bridesmaid dress that hugged you perfectly. Your hair was pulled back on the sides, a few pieces hanging and your makeup was elegantly placed, highlighting all the features he loved. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered as you met up and linked arms. The blush spread through your cheeks like a wildfire and you prayed the camera couldn’t pick it up. 

“Thank you,” you whispered back. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

As it came time to part from him, you slowly unlinked your arms and walked to your respective sides, but not before giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He smiled at that. 

JJ had walked out and tears were brought to not only Will’s eyes, but everyone else’s. She looked gorgeous and you couldn’t help but feel ecstatic for her as you knew she had been waiting for this moment her whole life. 

Rossi had soon announced them husband and wife and everyone had cheered as they kissed one another. It was truly a moment of bliss. 

“I love you,” Will whispered while cupping JJ’s cheek, “and I know about the baby too.”

“What baby?” JJ laughed. 

“Our baby.”

“We have a baby?”

“Emily found your pregnancy test in the bathroom-“

JJ looked at him confused, “I didn’t take a pregnancy test...”

“Then who did?”

You, Emily and Penelope stared at the two in awe. 

“Just look at them, they’re so happy.” Emily gushed. 

“And they’re gonna have a baby!” Penelope smiled. 

You nodded nervously, the wave of nausea hitting you like a ton of bricks. 

“Wait- Penelope knows now too?!”

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

not the original anon but: if john = rebecca in CEG is paul....Paula?? also please assign CEG songs to the bugs

HOLY SHIT I CAUGHT A CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND ANON

Paul is sort of Paula in the sense that he's one of John's enablers while also deeply caring about him, and also I do think there was a sort of motherly tinge in his behaviour towards John? But it's not a perfect fit cause Paul was also John's object of obsession for a time, no? Which Paula never was to Rebecca. He has a bit more of a Josh vibe rather than Greg I'd say.

Wait is Yoko Nathaniel cause of how they're both messed up? Hate that, cause John/Yoko makes me all kinds of uncomfortable but I was team Nathaniel till the end.

John: You Stupid Bitch (cause obviously), Rebecca's Reprise (cause believing in easy fixes and also parent issues), I Could If I Wanted To (him towards Paul's music and Paul's life in general), I'm Just A Girl In Love (White Album session vibes), We'll Never Have Problems Again (John/Yoko!!!!!!!), A Diagnosis (again, he was obsessed with finding solutions that would fix all his problems in one), I'm A Good Person (Imagine era), Love Kernels (I'm gonna stop now, this is what I meant when I said John IS Rebecca)

Paul: So Maternal (with Julian lmao), I Give Good Parent (king of arousing people by being polite), I Go To The Zoo (💕), The Math of Love Triangles (taking none of this shit seriously and acting dumber than he has to be), Thought Bubbles (overthinker :( )

George: Maybe This Dream (cause being disappointed in how things have been going but still trying to be hopeful), George's Turn (GHDFGKJHSHGJKDHDJK), I'm So Good At Yoga (god this is hilarious to me), What'll It Be (when he feels kind of stuck in his role as a Beatle)

Ringo: Greg's Drinking Song, like all of Darryl's songs, This Sessions Is Going To Be Different (but like, recording session), I Feel Like This Isn't About Me (hdgkjhdjk)

Bonus:

Fans when Ringo joined the band: Who's The New Guy?

John and Paul during the break up: You Go First

John in HDYS: Horny Angry Tango

Brian when the bugs quit touring: After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)

Mimi: Where's The Bathroom?

Paul dragging the others along after Brian's death: Back In Action

[breezypunk]

for the ship asks: 4 and 36 for your boys And your ladies pls :3

Thanks for the asks! <3

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

- For Misty and Anna it was not. As a matter of fact, Misty didn't even like Anna when they first met cos she thought Anna had feelings for Jackie. (she didn't), but there was a bit of jealousy in Misty, and it took her a while to warm up to Anna. It wasn't until Jackie's death they both saw how much he meant to them, and they supported and comforted each other so much until they realized they were starting to grow feelings. It was scary for 'em, but it still felt right.

- For Vaughn and Goro, it also was not. More so Goro didn't feel it at first, but likes to say he knew Vaughn had feelings right away. Vaughn has a type.. and that's Goro all damn day, lmao. So that first real impression at the diner when he could get a proper look, he was already crushing, but not too deeply. It took Goro up until the parade shenanigan's that he was suppressing his love for Vaughn outta fear he'd hurt him. But he couldn't hide it anymore, and from that moment they knew the love was there, so it didn't happen right away, but it still happened quicker than they'd thought.

----

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

- Misty and Anna's greatest strength as a couple is knowing that they bring out the best in each other. They both went through a lot in their lives, and even though they had a bumpy first meet, and had a little tension, once they realized how much they cared for one another, they did everything in their power to protect one another and be there for each other, no matter what obstacles came in their way.

With that being said, their weakness would probably be Jackie. Losing him was devastating for both of them, and sometimes they get to overthinking, that maybe it's wrong for them to be together, cos would Jackie approve? Sometimes Misty feels guilt, sometimes Anna feels like she betrayed her best friend by being with someone he loved so much. But at the end of the day they know deep down Jackie would want what's best for them both, and probably be so happy to know two of his favorite girls found love with each other.

- For Vaughn and Goro their greatest strength is how far they are willing to go to protect each other. Vaughn would bare the weight of the world on his shoulders to keep Goro safe, that's his number one priority. He had never been in love like this before, and same goes for Goro. He'd stop at nothing to make sure Vaughn was protected at all costs. They fight together side by side, conquer the world side by side, it's all or nothing for them, and they are goin' all in.

- Their weakness however would be the fact they couldn't live without each other. Goro had to leave to Japan for 6 months before moving to NC permanently to be with Vaughn, and it was the hardest thing for them both to do, they weren't even officially together at that point, but it was still too much. Now even four years into their relationship, being gone for just a couple days is agonizing. I guess you could say their real weakness is them not being able to be apart for any long amounts of time. Vaughn is learning to give Goro space, not that he wants it.. But sometimes space is good in a relationship. Vaughn's just a clingy boy.

[kaetastic]

Where Have You Been? 2

pairing: Harry Potter x Slytherin!Potter!Aunt!Reader (no incest- just aunt and nephew battlin’ through evil :)), (possible future evolution to pairing with Sirius Black)

summary: After years blinded from the tainted power and lies, Y/N Potter finally sees the truth. The truth that urged her to clamber out of the hole created by the Dark Lord. Will young year-2 Harry accept the absence of an aunty he didn’t even know he had? 

word count: 4.8k

warning: fluff, heavy angst, guilt, mentions of death

note: lately, i haven’t found myself writing as much, i don’t think it’s w****r’s b***k, it’s just me being distracted by so many other things lmao. thank you for waiting this long for the second part, i’m pretty sure there’ll be a third :)) there’s no harry in this but i wanted to keep the pairing consistent

Harry was just a thirteen-year-old boy. He was a young wizard, trapped in the walls of muggles who wished they had nothing to do with his kind. There was no other safe place for the boy. If Y/N had not fallen into the rabbit hole that branded the mark on her arm, maybe she had the chance to keep her nephew with her. Y/N could do nothing about it. Despite her ideas of getting him out of that suffocating house, to finally enjoy the presence of someone she shared her blood with, to show him what magic truly was, she knew it would only place great danger onto him. Her life which had slanted down like that anticipated, fingers-digging-into-the-railing part of a roller coaster had gone from a flowery childhood to having no other alive family member if Harry was to be excluded. 

If the time she had been on the run was to be calculated, it would’ve roughly been thirteen years. Thirteen years of shifting houses to houses. Although, one year, she had feared for the loyal followers to be sent to capture her, the rest twelve, she had to constantly check over her shoulders for a sign of Aurors who were on a mission to chuck every last death eater into Azkaban. Y/N hoped the day where she would not have to leave a bed to enter a new one would come. The witch didn’t mind if it was sooner than said, it would be nice to open windows to the scorching sun with a cup of warm tea in her hands. It would be nice to walk on open streets without a heavy, ominous clock over her head. It would be nice to walk on the streets, not pathways that had been littered with spit. 

Although, the sweet victory taste she had dreamed for had turned bitter, acidic to her tongue as if those scenarios she wondered on for hours had been nothing but bait, a tease. The Privet Drive might’ve not been the best place for Harry, but it was the safest for the boy. Well, safer than going on the run with his aunt who had to keep glancing over her shoulders in case a shadow scurried after her. 

Even though the wizard had suggested he could follow her since she had magical blood, just like him, the witch had no choice but to turn him down. Even the frown on his face had embedded itself in her memories. The disappointment at the rejection of a better life with the sister of his father had plagued Harry’s time at school. Not before Y/N told him to not mention their meeting to a single soul. It might’ve been hard for the young boy, but he somehow managed… well, apart from his two other friends he had found a strong connection with. Harry had mentioned the name Hermione and Ron during the heart-aching conversation of the early morning in his bedroom. Unfortunately, it had been cut short when the witch had realized the time. 

Y/N was sick of scrambling around, running away and cowering from everything. Because she had not only feared the suppressed group that had gone either into hiding or had lied to not face the terrible consequences but also the Aurors. Aurors who had tied a price tag around her head. She couldn’t even defend herself. By that, the witch meant that the way her head had wrapped around the wrong she had done placed her perspective in an angle some people would not believe. In simpler words, Y/N believed- no, she knew that they wouldn’t spare a speck of mercy onto her soul. Even though she had thought of surrendering herself with hands high in the air, the Potter had not been dumb. Not to forget, she had pride. Pride to not give the golden trophy right into the hands of the Aurors. 

Then, she made a move. It had been a risky path she fell into, but she moved her Queen piece across the chessboard. The only piece she had defending her sole King. Y/N sent a letter to the headmaster of Hogwarts. Despite her worry about his response since he was in fact, the creator of the Order of the Phoenix, there was no need to overthink of the great wizard’s reply. Dumbledore waited for the day, not losing a bar of hope for the return of the witch. The day she would clamber out of the dark hole she had stumbled into. Taking a chunk of his busy and occupied time, the wizard had made time for her. It was not long before they met up at the place he had chided to her when she was just a twelve-year-old, the place he told her where one should go before they die. Although, the place didn’t live up to the wizard’s words as it had been nighttime, the perfect and safe time for her to be out of her lodging, and it had recently just rained.

“There isn’t anything I say that will defend for what I have done. What I’ve done… it’s unforgivable.” Her gaze trailed down to brush over the clumpy doughs of the drenched soil. The stretched-out shapes had been filled in with the recent shower from the tears of the clouds. Although, the teardrops had been pure, innocent without a speck of tainted colour, now- it was just clouded. Y/N wished that was how she remembered her horribly chosen youth. Unfortunately, it had all been crystal clear. Despite her trying multiple choices of blurring out the wrong she had done, every single moment plays in her head every night. It sat in her mind, permanently. 

With her lack of interaction with other wizards to minimize her appearance to the wizard community, obliviating herself wasn’t really an option. There had been some… pathetic muggle suggestions such as hurling her head against a wall. It didn’t take her long before she discarded the idea that would only cause more harm than good. Even though she wished she would not be reminded of such memories, she then remembered one of the few hopes that kept her hanging on that cliff. 

No one was placed at such a position like Y/N’s. Well, other than someone she had grown to associate with the passing of years while she was a death eater. Is it still ‘was’? Was the thing she needed to yank out of her chest in the past? The ‘tattoo’ still remained. As time passed, it had faded from the prominent ink. Even though Y/N felt joy unfurl in her chest at the thought of it becoming non-existent, ready to see her bare arm once again without the hideous memory from her past, it lingered. The mark stayed to torture her every second. The branding on her arm had been the last string that labelled her as a death eater. She had not found anything to remove it. Y/N had gone through books after books, crumbling pages to flying lines, unreadable handwritings to hidden, enchanted chapters. None had given her an ounce of hope she needed.

“There have been many people who’ve done nothing but wrong their whole lives, yet, they always had something to say. What makes you an exception?” The man quirked up, his silvery eyebrows jumped at her figure with his infamous words that had been packed full of knowledge and riddle. It had always been like that, ever since she was just a child, the man who still rocked his extensive beard had become a prominent feature. Although, the two lost contact as she dived into the side she was warned about during dinner. Dinners that lasted short, a smudged out memory. Y/N pressed her lips in thought, fingers twiddling without a slight intrusion in her head. A habit she had grown up with. And like as always, he cut her off with another sentence for her to process. “If I remember correctly, you mentioned in the letter that you have not done more than maiming someone.”

“In the name of the Dark Lord.” 

“Yes, but it was for your survival,” Dumbledore interjected. Oh, he always had his way with his speeches and his sentences. 

A sigh brushed her lips, creaking into the heavy air of the light wind toying with the hairs of trees as if they were puppets. Pushing her legs to rest her back against the bench that had been damp from the previous shower, Y/N murmured without peeling her eyes away from her fingers, “He killed Regulus. Regulus never came back, you know? After a trip, he was gone… forever. That’s what made me doubt my choices. His death was the sole reason I had left.”

“Regulus Black. Sirius’s younger brother.”

Y/N hummed while her arms slithered to wrap around her body, the chilling kiss of the air had been merciless to the defence of her clothing, “Regulus Arcturus Black. Whenever I was lazy to call his name even though it’s just seven letters, I called him ‘R.A.B’,” She let out a chuckle since it had been her joke for the boy to embrace the three letters as his signature, before the corners of her lips curled down in realization. “Although, now, I seem to find the longer being comforting.” 

“There’s no need to worry, what matters most is your safety. You must try to stray away from any sight of those who may seem interested. I will write a letter once Harry starts his third year.” Y/N nodded even though she was slightly reluctant to the life she would have to shift her own foot in. Deep down, she knew, no matter what other’s would say to comfort and calm down her nerves, she would always have something to fidget about. Something that came in the package when one falls into the Death Eater’s path.

It had barely been a month since she had met with the well-known headmaster, and Y/N hadn’t exactly found peace in continuing her life of being a criminal. The ability to sit still in a seat for longer than fifteen minutes was non-existent. Thoughts ran, scrambling from one side of her head to the other without rest. Every second, she would always have something to think of. A smart decision she made during her Hogwarts years was focusing during classes despite her side chores, so, it only became helpful when she needed a vial of ‘Draught of Peace’ or ‘Calming Draught’ to calm down her relentless thoughts. 

Harry recently started his third year at Hogwarts as the letter sent by the one and only, Dumbledore. The wizard had reminded her as he had promised; although, she remembered the day the students would be going back to school. Y/N could only stare into the abyss while she dreamed of walking onto the ground of the school once more. Oh, to feel the chilling stone walls during winter. She could only dream. 

It was for the safety of her nephew, and for her to stay in hiding that she didn’t write to the boy; even though she desperately wanted to. So, Y/N spent hours on the crooked wooden desk which had been slanted down, the folded piece of newspaper had begun to damp in the humid air, melting into the floor. The witch wasted hours of her day that flew by once she completed the letter to her heart’s desire. Days that stretched out when she didn’t occupy herself. 

She could barely count the number of lines she had scribbled down onto countless yellow sheets of paper. After a day of jotting down hefty block of paragraphs that was enough to build castles, she would stuff the pile of letters away, under her bed, or she would try her best to cram the sheets into the minuscule gaps between tattered books and the shelves. Most addressed to her nephew, now, just unsent thoughts that had been occupying her head, and desires of her heart which she had no one to pour out to. 

There was nothing Y/N could do. She was edging to the last sentence of her book, the last chapter of her story. If she was to stay, all she would have is Harry. Even so, she didn’t have him. The young wizard was hurled into the palms of her sister-in-law, muggles who hated whatever wizards were capable of. 

Maybe the only reason she reached out to Dumbledore was because she had information, intel that would be impeccably useful to the Order. Things the members wouldn’t even be able to smear against, things they can’t even imagine. Comparing herself to some members of the organization who had achieved great things in the available tasks by the Ministry, Y/N had seen far more than some of them has. She has seen gruesome sights, sights she wished she had glanced away from. However, she knew, she knew he was watching. 

That was her lifestyle now. The witch would have to suck it up, swallow the truth and deal with the reality she was stuck in. Stranded in a sole, pathetic room of a sad excuse of a building. Y/N had barely left the place she would have to call home. There had been multiple times the owner had tried to usher the lady out for a quick talk, Y/N did not want to risk anything. The only walls that had been present in the rented room were for the loo, that- she was grateful for. 

Then, news broke out into the wizarding community, it cracked over their heads like a spoiled egg, the yolk oozing out in a battered pace before it splattered into a squelch. News that sent everyone into a frenzy, news that made heads poked into corners of streets before they proceeded to walk the route they had been used to for years. News of the notorious Sirius Black breaking out of Azkaban. It was impossible. No one had fled away from the prison. He was the first. 

However, unlike most, Y/N knew things some didn’t know. It was not belief, rather, she knew the truth. Sirius Black did not do the things wizards and witches had whispered into each other’s ears. He was not capable of said-things. Y/N had met the man from his tight friendship with her older brother. Friendship that people had poked at him for being weak since he had shown his back to James. Those people knew nothing. They didn’t know how close they were for James to bring the boy to live at their house. They didn’t know that her parents had seen Sirius as their son. No one knew the truth, yet, they still let their words slip up into stubborn rumours. 

During her years of being a death eater, side-by-side with Regulus, her head held high without a quiver in her bone, Y/N had heard and seen things. Maybe some of them she should’ve not even eavesdropped on. It would’ve cost her life… she still did so. Y/N was meant to be in Slytherin, it was destiny that she had denied ever since the hat had spoken, and she saw her brother’s expression falter at the declaration. Despite her opposition to the situation, she wore the new shoes perfectly. The first few years, she was as close to her brother as she was before, any time she saw him in the corridor, she would wave, or they would pick up a desultory conversation. With that, he had introduced his friends. Y/N could see the tight rope around them, bonds she can’t see broken. Or so she thought. 

Then, it inched to her fourth year when she truly distanced herself. No, nothing would be blamed onto Regulus, no idea of his would be looked upon for the dead could not even defend himself. Y/N fell onto the path her parents had prominently warned her about. Their occasional talks about people who were surrounded with an aura that would send shivers down their spines sparked into muffled ears. Those lectures and lessons were all forgotten as Y/N found comfort standing beside the person she could not tear herself from. 

Walburga would accept the girl with warm embrace. Although, that came with its consequences. Y/N had to sit at the dining table, next to Regulus while the woman rambled poison-filled words about her parents who were not ashamed to be in the presence of muggles. The blinded girl did as her blurred head told her to do so, she tolerated the blows to her gut. It was only rare times when Regulus would speak up to stop his mother from hurling more onto the meal made by the elf. Despite Walburga’s hatred for Y/N’s parents, the woman had mentioned countless times that she had filled in the shameful place of her other son. Y/N was sure the empty space in her house had been plucked in with Sirius Black. 

Regulus would just be flushed with crimson red whenever his mother had brought up the two. She always took the chance to talk about how good they looked next to each other. There were few, forgotten times when she had dropped the word marriage. However, there was nothing but friendship between the two that would constantly burgeon, blossoming every second of every day. Walburga would swat it away, not believing them. 

It was true, despite the pureblood mother believing the two had something going on. It was nothing but friendship. Sure, there had been gentle kisses against cheeks, but it was nothing more. 

Everything then fell apart. She didn’t know who was amusing themselves by having a poke at the blocks of her life, but she knew it had wavered her platform. It was Regulus, then, it was her mother and father. The night when the elf had stumbled into the Grimmauld place, an ominous locket in his grasp, Y/N’s head went into a frenzy. She had never seen the creature look so distraught. The only reason she had remained at the house was because she had nowhere else to go. It wasn’t until days she would piece everything together. Regulus had gone, so the house-elf had confessed. The truth was not to be told to his family. How did anyone expect her to stay at the house she had made unforgettable memories? Y/N left, not even a farewell or a note for the family. 

The two had whispered conversations of the truth of becoming a death eater, they would do so under their breaths, afraid of who might listen. Whatever Regulus did, she did too. 

Kreacher said he had been ordered by Regulus to go back home with the locket, leaving the wizard to die. Y/N had screamed at the creature for his pathetic words, thankfully, Walburga nor Orion was at home. The two Slytherins had discussed of the Dark Lord’s attempt to murder the house-elf before they dived into countless pages, all so they could land to assume that the locket had been a Horcrux. The two eighteen-year-olds had just found out the deepest secret of the Dark Lord. And one of them died with the truth, while the other ran for her life.

If it wasn’t enough, Y/N could not even attend the funeral of her parents. The people she had not spoken to for years. She had listened to the words on the street that it was to Dragon Pox. It was then Y/N had to sit through excruciating months before she had the chance to visit their graves. The last she had seen their faces was a photo she had absent-mindedly packed before she had run away from home. If seeing her parents in flesh was in consideration, it was the sobbing mother who could not calm her hiccups in tears with every caress of her husband’s warmth. The photo might’ve been the best mistake she had ever made. 

In the midst of 1980, thoughts that would only surface when the sun no longer exists had steered the witch away from the path she thought she would be on until she bled to death. Just before she allowed the thought of living her life on the run consumed her, she had planned and listed out everything that would come as consequences if she was to proceed. That was when she tumbled over something. Still a death eater, she had stumbled upon the voice of a man who had been deeply trusted by her brother conversing with none other than the leader of the dark. His squeaky voice poured out every information he had about James and Lily. However, that was not the thing she had eavesdropped on. It was the fact that the man was Peter Pettigrew, the boy who would trail with the group. All so he could fall under the protection of the Dark Lord. What a grave mistake he had made. 

Y/N didn’t know what it was in her, but she then cut off any ties with the death eaters. That sounded easier than it truly was. There would be nights when she would feel her arm burn, flames piercing into her skin. He was angry, furious- she knew. All she could do was clutch onto the frigid sheets of the bed around her inflamed arm. She lived and survived, something she didn’t know how she came out successful, and lived her life on the run, always on edge. She stayed at multiple places, hoping the dark lord and his goons had not found her. To her luck, the pain dimmed down, she had only felt the faintest of a sting at the mark. 

Then, it was the unseen, unfortunate death of James and Lily. Y/N didn’t waste a second when she had heard a man regurgitate the words at the bar to sprint towards the house. The motionless figure of the man she once had picked on for accidentally wearing her jumper of an adorable bunny. So, she cradled his chilling body while streams of tears gush out of her eyes. There was no one left for her. That was, until she reluctantly pulled away from the corpse to follow the boisterous cries. Up the mess of a corridor and into a nursery with planks of wood decorating the floor She was met by a gruesome sight of her sister-in-law, flat on the ground, and the relentless toddler who the dark lord feared, her nephew.

Even though Y/N wished to spend more time, she had no choice but to peel herself away. She apparated away once she jumped through the window. Not long after, it was the rest of the Order’s turn to take in the event. 

Y/N knew there had been some death eaters who remained loyal to the dark lord despite his fall. Some had been locked up in Azkaban, while the rest still sauntered over streets casually. She knew some of them would be chasing after her, she knew the Ministry was searching for her, so why did she fall for the words scribbled by Dumbledore to meet up with Remus? 

“Sirius didn’t kill James and Lily.” Remus nodded, his eyes finding the sight of the pond to be more captivating. 

“I know.”

“Sirius didn’t murder those muggles.” Remus nodded once again.

“I know.”

“You know, yet, you had not defended the man when everyone’s ears had been stuffed with lies.” The wizard could only press his lips, lost in thought.

“Y/N, listen, we haven’t exactly been on the same path, but I feel like we are now,” The witch’s eyebrows furrowed. Remus swung from the same bench she had sat with Dumbledore. “I wanted to meet you when Dumbledore had told me he had met you. Although, I didn’t have a good excuse to do so. Now, I do.” 

His ominous words had only made her fingers crawl towards her wand. Neck snapping towards the rustling of leaves, she shot up from the seat, the wooden stick pointing towards the source of noise. With a spell murmured by Remus, her wand was out of her hand. She didn’t want to falter her gaze from the shadow that poured out of the bushes, but she couldn’t help her expression morphing into that of betrayal. Remus didn’t bother to send a face to comfort her. 

Y/N felt every muscle in her body freeze, every fibre was pulled taut before they remained stationary. The black dog paced towards her at a casual pace, almost approaching her carefully. Its eyes, it looked familiar. She had seen it somewhere. And no wonder… she had. Before her eyes, the dog transformed into a man who was dressed in tattered and shabby clothing of dull colours. The face of the man who had been plastered all across newspapers and streets, “Sirius?”

Maybe she should’ve panicked first, to why he had even put himself at risk, her even, but she reverted to another path. She saw Regulus in him. The infamous Black’s dark hair which Regulus would gingerly trim and take care of had flourished on Sirius’s head. 

“You’ve got to be joking me,” Y/N gushed out, the corners of her lips curled up in amusement even though she felt anything but amusement. “Are you out of your mind? You truly have gone insane in Azkaban.”

The witch turned to face Remus, “You too. Is this the plan of yours? What? To bag me up for the Ministry?”

Remus sighed out, his fingers splayed out against her wand, “Sirius wanted to meet you, the reason, he had not told me. This meeting is not a trick, no one knows Sirius is here.”

“Will you be holding my wand throughout this?” The man could only give her a slight nod of his head. Y/N let out a frustrated huff. “Fine, get on with it, I can’t wait to leave the country after this.” 

“Do you know of Peter’s boundaries?” Sirius’s voice sounded hoarse, raspy as if he desperately needed water. Maybe that’s what happens when one has just escaped a prison which was believed to prevent escapes.

Y/N’s face transformed into that of an offended expression, “Peter Pettigrew?” Once the man confirmed with a nod of his head, Y/N scoffed at the accusation. “What makes you think I know where he is?” 

“Well, you two bear the mark,” The words fell off his tongue without a care for her. “You two sold yourselves to Voldemort, it would only make sense if you knew where the traitor is.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but I have no idea of where he is.” 

Seconds morphed into minutes, minutes of Sirius’s eyes beaming onto her, “Have you bothered to search for him? Did you even know he was the one who sold out James and Lily to Voldemort?”

“I know a lot of things, Black,” Y/N sneered. “To satisfy your endless questions, I’ve done everything I could to find him when I happened to stumble upon his voice at the Malfoy’s home.”

“You knew that Peter was meeting with Voldemort and you didn’t bother to spend a cent on the thought that it would be James and Lily’s fall? Were you too busy snogging my brother?”

The mention of Regulus sparked up something in her chest, something that spun through hurricanes, Y/N’s expression hardened at the sight of the man, “Do not speak ill of Regulus.”

“Still defending my brother? You two never parted away from each other, every corner I turn at school, you two were always side-by-side.” Sirius could feel the corners of his lips curl up. 

“Sirius,” Remus interjected to stop the man, he knew this would not go well if the convict had not held himself back. 

“How hard it must’ve been for you to see him gone.”

Y/N could feel her fingers furl with every word he uttered, “He was your brother.”

“Was. I was exiled from my family, remember? You would remember clearly, I remember the day you left home to stay at that horrid place.”

“Sirius, that’s enough.”

“No! Remus! She must know the pain she inflicted onto her parents when she stepped away from that house, the sadness James drowned himself in when he couldn’t find any way to invite you to his wedding.”

“Would you stop mentioning my brother?”

“Oh, so now you consider him with sentiment? What happened to avoiding us?” 

“Are you done? I had only prayed the meeting with Remus to be civilized, yet, here you are.” She sneered. 

“Why do you fear of talking about James? Are you turning away like a coward? Now?”

“I don’t want to talk about James because I’m not in the mood for it, Sirius.”

“When are you in the mood then? Is it because you are saddened by the fact that you couldn’t take Harry when you visited their house?” Y/N accidentally allowed her eyes to widen at his words “You didn’t think we wouldn’t know?”

“I was in no position to take Harry.”

“You were in every position to take Harry!” Sirius yelled out, his veins popping up to bulge into the air. “You are his blood! His aunt! His godmother!”

“His what?”

taglist: @teheharrypotter​

[purplesurveys]

1199

America - What is your favorite place to eat?  I mean...these days I obviously haven’t been eating out at all, but I used to always enjoy dining at either Yabu (for the food) or La Creperie (for the ambience).

Australia - Do you have any quirks when speaking?  I don’t think so; or at least I don’t think I’d be aware of them unless someone points them out to me.

Austria - What kind of person do you wish to be?  What do some (or most) of these questions have to do with the countries? Lmao. Anyway, I just want to be remembered as being kind, I guess. I’m not aiming for anything grand.

Belarus - Is there anyone you love?  I’d do anything for my friends, close or otherwise.

Belgium - What do you think of your siblings? I like my sister; I care about her. I don’t really think much of my brother.

Botswana - Do you like to sing? Why or why not?  Yeah, but I only do it for myself. I never sing in front of others; I don’t think I’m that good.

Bulgaria - Who do you consider close to you?  My two best friends and everyone in my college friend group.

Cameroon - Describe your culture.  Folktales, hundreds of languages, more than just adobo and balut.

Canada - Favorite wintertime activity?  We don’t have winter.

China - What was the best moment of your life?  I don’t think I’ve had it yet; but so far the moments that are in the running for ‘best’ are my Paramore concert in 2018 and the day I found out I passed UP.

Cuba - What sort of grudges do you hold if any?  I haven’t talked to Marielle since the backstabbing incident in 5th grade, and I pretty much don’t talk to my uncle (unless we’re at a family gathering and I have to greet him for show) for all his past failures.

Cyprus - What hands-on activities do you like (drawing, carving, building, etc.)?  Embroidery! which I haven’t done in a long while but I’m definitely still into it.

Denmark - Do you wish for something of your past?  I wish I had more time with my relatives who died from Covid. Even a proper goodbye and a big, long hug from each of them would’ve sufficed.

Egypt - Do you stand up for what you believe in? How?  Sure. I speak up about it, educate others when I can, and raise awareness or reiterate my stance about certain issues by sharing posts on social media.

England - Are you controlling?  Depends on what context you’re talking about, because control can mean many different things. I’m a control freak when it comes to my work tasks and I know that can drive some people mad, especially those who prefer working independently.

Estonia - Do you think people often misunderstand you?  I think I’m pretty easy to read.

Finland - What do you prefer, kindness, sternness, or apathy?  In general, kindness; but I also don’t have any clue to what context these words pertain.

France - How do you show love for those you care for?  I like messaging them about things I see that remind me of them. I will also buy them small gifts from time to time, usually food that I know they like.

Germania - What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?  Breaking up with Gabie, and accepting the said breakup. Both were equally difficult things to overcome and I’m just happy to be out of that part of my life.

Germany - Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?  Yes. It takes me a while, if at all.

Ghana - What is our favorite sport?  You mean mine? I like pro wrestling, if that counts.

Greece - Do you let others help you when in need? I do, but I have a hard time asking for help. < Yeah. I will accept help when I finally acknowledge that I need it; but getting to the acknowledgment part can take me a while.

Hungary - Who is the person you trust most?  Either of my best friends.

Hutt River - What is the most memorable dream or nightmare you have had?  Back when I was at a low point I used to have recurring dreams of my girlfriend at the time dying. It sucks for the fact that my most unforgettable dreams are nightmares and for the fact that they all involve her, lol.

Hong Kong - Do you fear death?  Not really. I fear dying in a way that I wouldn’t want to experience, but I don’t fear the actual concept of death.

Iceland - Do you hide your real personality? Why?  I hide some parts from people I don’t know all that well or I’m not that close with; like I obviously wouldn’t have crackhead vibes with my clients at work lol. But outside of that I pretty much act the same way around everyone.

India - How important is family to you?  Quite, but it’s not my be-all and end-all.

Japan - Tell us a secret about yourself.  I don’t really have any. I share everything on this blog, anyway.

Kenya - What is your favorite wild animal?  Elephants.

Korea - What is one thing you accomplished by yourself?  Shooting my shot and landing an internship, and eventually a permanent job, at a company I had no connections with, all while I was heavily depressed and wasn’t really doing anything else to take care of myself. 

Kugelmugel - Is there anyone you have a love-hate relationship with?  My mom and I bicker all the time, but she is my mom.

Latvia - Do you believe you are brave?  I guess so.

Ladonia - What is the internet site you visit most often?  I’d say either Twitter or Facebook.

Liechtenstein - How do people underestimate you most often?  I don’t know if I can answer this; people usually don’t.

Lithuania - Do you desire power?  No. That implies being in the spotlight, which I don’t crave at all.

Macau - What is your favorite festival or celebration?  Christmas, only for the huge amount of food I get to freely eat.

Molossia - Do you consider yourself strong?  Emotionally, yeah. Also what is Molossia?

Monaco - Do you think you are a lucky person?  Not a big believer of luck.

New Zealand - Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, Hobbit, or wizard?  None of these.

North Italy - What is your least favorite part of your personality?  There are some parts to my sensitivity that I don’t really like, like my tendency to overthink remarks that were actually meant to be harmless.

Norway - What was the most disappointing time in your life?  All that time I spent being hung up on Gab and desperately talking to her post-breakup, mostly because of how much I neglected myself then. She was working a night shift then and I remember keeping on waking up at like 1 AM and the first thing on my mind always being to message her and UGH it’s just so embarassing to think about now.

Netherlands - Most generous thing someone has done for you?  That one time Andi half-walked and half-took a trike back to UP at 11 PM after already having gotten home, just to retrieve something I forgot to bring home and was having a breakdown about. It was really embarassing and they bring it up every once in a while to tease me, but we have a good laugh about it now.

Poland - Hardest thing you have gone through?  The breakup and deaths in the family.

Prussia - Would you prefer to live forever or die alone?  Live forever I guess, because I have serious FOMO HAHAHA

Roman Empire - How would you like to be remembered?  Like what I said at the start of this survey, just as someone who had been kind.

Romania - What is something you are very ashamed of?  I don’t think there is anything.

Russia - Have you ever suffered from low self esteem? Do you still?  I used to. Not really anymore. I’m liking myself more these days.

Sealand - Who is your best friend?  Angela and Andi.

Seborga - What is your favorite beverage?  Water or coffee.

Seychelles - How do you handle people being rude to you?  Be mean back, but in a passive-aggressive way.

South Italy - What is your favorite part of your personality?  I like that I’m generous and that I can remember a lot of different small details about everyone.

Spain - What would you tell to the person or people you hurt most if you had a second chance?  That she was right, I ended up being happier without her; and that I hope she can finally sleep well knowing she was right, considering our whole relationship was pretty much built on her wanting to be right about everything.

Sweden - Are you a leader, follower, or independent?  Follower.

Switzerland - Would you consider yourself evil, good, or neutral?  Chaotic neutral.

Thailand - How good is your poker face?  I don’t even understand poker.

Tibet - What do you value most?  Friendships, and my happiness.

Taiwan - What do you think of the people or person who raised you?  Grateful.

Turkey - Would you ever want children?  That would be nice, in a few years.

Uganda - How would you like others to see you?  I answered this question like twice already. It still applies hahaha.

Ukraine - What is one thing that has made you stronger in life?  The difficulties I was able to overcome.

Vietnam - What is something you are proud of about yourself?  ^ Those.

Wy - What kind of art do you like?  Paintings and films.

Zimbabwe - Who is your favorite character from any folklore?  I don’t like folktales.

[savagetrickster]

Red.

— BNHA BOOKCLUB BINGO EVENT  —

anime |  character: bnha | kirishima eijirou words: 2.5k prompt/crossed out: “Last Words” Themes/Warnings: soulmate AU, angst, character death

Inspiration/Song: “I Knew I Loved You” by Savage Garden

“...I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life...”  

a/n: Imma tag the people who I have shared this plot with on the @bnhabookclub​ ‘s discord server HAHAH @pixxiesdust​ (enjoy the angst my dear zeze <3), @gallickingun�� (who suggested Kirishima and DAMN i was like hell yeah!) and @hawks-senseis​ (who came out with a crack idea that i’m SO gonna write it soon cos her idea is GOLDDD that i can’t help lmao-ing everytime I think about it XD)

No amount of time or research could ever unravel the mysteries of the world. 

Why are the fate of the two people bounded by the words etched in their skin?

Why do these words only appear when one turns sixteen? And why sixteen? 

There were so many questions but there were no answers. 

Some gazed upon the heavens to find the lost meanings, while some dug for them in the earth beneath. 

All these for the mystery etched in their skin. 

But for you, you sought the answer through the seemingly endless scroll through forums on your screen. 

Digitized words painting enthralling stories of how these sacred marks — dubbed as Soulwords by the millions across the blogs, forums, the news articles — on their skin led to happy endings, love, and happiness. 

The common retelling of their stories mentioned the ‘unexplainable rush of warmth’, ‘the boost of bliss and spiritual strength’, and ‘the sense of wholeness’ they thrived upon finally meeting their fated partners.

Many who visited them gushed about their own, and those who haven’t, were longing and full of anticipation.

But not you.

You were shaking with anxiety and...desperation for a sign of hope.

“You’re beautiful.”

—ever since he turned sixteen and woke up to find these two words etched into the skin on his right, curving around his inner wrist like a permanent bracelet, he had waited.

Eagerness and suspense brimmed and shook inside him for the day to come with an intensity that could match a child’s, itching to open their Christmas presents or a puppy’s, sitting by the door with a wagging tail.

He hasn't met them, but he was already in love.

He kept his hands lonely for them.

His lips had never tasted the sweetness of a kiss for them.

It didn’t even matter how long it took.

Waiting was what he wanted to do because his every firsts belonged to them.

Even if it meant watching his friends around him, one after another, find their fated ones through their three-years long of hero education at the U.A. High. 

He’d seen the uplifting effect the destined bonds had on them, even for Bakugou — the subtle spring in his usually hefty steps and the blissful contentment behind his scowling faces was obvious to those who had fought and struggled alongside him in the three years.

Even for someone as optimistic as himself, Kirishima often found himself filled with envy and doubts.

Still, he could never be tempted to let anyone else steal his firsts before he met them.

Every waking moment started with his hopes of hearing their first words. That she or even he would be somewhere out there, beyond his front door he was about to venture out from, arranged by fate to finally meet him.

Fleeting daydreams about how he could finally hold them in his arms and give them all his love. Even thoughts of doing things as simple as grocery shopping and taking naps together filled him with so much bubbling warmth.

Birthdays after birthdays, he wished before dancing flames, for the arrival of the fateful day awaiting them to come quicker.

Along with the wish for their safety and health, he never failed to add a silent promise to become a strong hero that could protect them.

“I did it.”

A bashful mumble turned his head away, the razored friendly grin he flashed at the passing giddy gushes of ‘Red Riot’ falling away.

Huh?

His puzzled eyes landed on Bakugou who wasn’t as enthusiastic about the gasps and admiring gazes on them. 

Kirishima blinked. Once, twice. “Did what?”

“Were you even listening, shitty hair?” Bakugou’s impatience ripped through his words and faded with a sigh, “I said I proposed.”

His reminder nudged Kirishima in the direction of the phone conversation they had three days ago.

Understanding dawned upon him as soon as he pieced things together. 

“....She said yes, right?” 

The same razored grin he flashed to the faces on the boulevard they left behind brightened his face once more as his eyes danced excitedly. 

“Of course, she said yes,” Bakugou grunted, fighting against the edges of his lips that was threatening to break a smile across his face. “We’re meant to happen after all.”

There was a short pause between them as the brightness in Kirishima’s eyes faltered slightly.

“You’re lucky, Bakugou.”

Kirishima felt the exhilaration he had for his best friend sink with a rising ache in his chest at the reminder. 

He knew Bakugou didn’t mean any harm when he said what he said. He could tell it was out of happiness.

“I’m already twenty-four like you, yet I’m not even anywhere close.”

Under the cloudy sky, the dainty café huddled humbly among the huge city buildings, while hundreds of people rushed by it outside on the crowded street. 

Half a dozen customers glanced up as the door swung open, announced by a rush of cold wind. Unlike the outside, the interior of the café was warm and cheery, with bright lights and colorful walls. 

The customers returned to their conversations as the door swung closed behind the new entrant and the cold breeze was forgotten.

Your shoulders rose and fell as you breathed in the aromatic grounded scent of coffee lingering thickly in the cafe.

Even from the door, the stranger beside your best friend caught your eyes and you couldn’t help the bitter pinch of envy that sunk with your heavy heart.

Your brain instantly connected the dots as your legs brought you over to your friends at your usual corner.

Now, that explained the enthusiasm that seemed to leak through your screen when your phone pinged with a new text from her. 

It was her turn. 

You didn’t even need to hear the exuberance bouncing off your best friend’s voice when she introduced him to you, to know that those stories you’d read online were true.

Just like what you’d read on the forum, the abundance of happiness seemed to radiate off them; you could feel it the moment you slipped into the seat across them.

You were happy for her, really. 

The blissful glow across you was practically tangible enough to be seen from the way their eyes smiled along with their lips. 

And you forced yourself to smile too — like how you have always tried for your friends before her.

But the harsh whispers reminding you of your own reality just wouldn’t let you. 

Being your best friend who knew where your heart dwelled, she noticed.

“Believe in yours, (Name),” The dull gloom glazed over your eyes disappeared at a snap in time for you to watch your best friend's hand leave his.

“Everyone has met their happy endings and I know you are bound to meet yours too soon.” Her hand slid across the table to squeeze yours. “Stop overthinking, okay?”

You wished you could.

“Don’t worry about me, Yui,” The brightest smile you could muster swept over your face. “We should totally start planning for our double dates once I meet mine!”

Her eyes lit up, the concern in them washed away and was replaced by the enthusiasm you knew so well. 

Exactly the way it was, when you felt it with her back then. 

Before your sixteen birthdays, the one thing you two always look forward to was double dates once you've met your fated ones. Then, you two had a notebook filled with giddy doodles of words you thought might turn up on your wrists.

But only hers was anything close to them.

Her comforting words...you wanted to cling onto them so badly. You wanted to believe in them.

You longed to feel the same kind of anticipation others felt waiting for their fated ones. And not dread and fear.

You tore your eyes away from the couple before you with a quiet pain and slipped a glance down to your wrist.

Jumping from forums to forums, glimpses of happy endings were what you’ve been desperately searching for.

For a hint of hope for the ominous words on your skin that spelled your fate.

“Don’t die on me— please.”

Her eyes roamed the chaotic scene before her. 

The flashing red atop ambulances, the metal rattling of the wheels under stretchers delivering casualties and some were like her, crying helplessly.

The reassuring squeeze around her hand and his words meant to comfort her did nothing to stop the sobs retching from her.

The waves of angry, gray clouds rolling menacingly in the vast overcast sky over them made her feel so tiny.

“...Someone, please help her.” Her cracking voice could barely rise above the urgent cacophony around her as she begged, her mascara running down her cheeks with her tears. 

A sight that she wouldn’t allow anyone to see if (Name) wasn’t buried somewhere under the rubble of what used to be the cafe they were sitting in.

“My best friend…” She cried, pleading left and right as she tried to find someone who could do something. Anything. 

“Please—”

She knew it was futile for any civilians here, but she had to try. 

“—she’s still in there…!”

Where were the Pro-Heroes?

(Name) may not be her fated one, but she was everything to her. A girl she laughed and cried with...She couldn’t lose her.

Hope widened her eyes as she spotted a distant recognizable figure that had just stepped into the chaos, and rushed forward.

“...Red Riot!” 

You didn’t know how it happened, but you knew it happened too fast.

One moment you were staring back at your reflection in the bathroom.

The next moment you were lying on your back, eyes locked onto the hovering block of concrete that could have crushed you if not for the jagged crimson-stained one impaling your stomach.

The sticky warmth on the side of your heads and the throbbing that came along with it told you were bleeding from the head as well.

Even with you floating in and out of consciousness, you could feel the harsh ripple of the damages done to your body, spreading across you like hungry wildfire.

Every breath you tried to take into your lungs was accompanied by shards of stabbing pain. 

All these pointed to one path you were heading to, but you clung onto the words on your wrist.

Those words...you haven’t heard them.

So you weren’t going to die yet right?

For once in your life, ever since those inscriptions appeared on your skin, hope bloomed across your chest as you desperately held onto them like they were your lifeline.

You will live. 

You will survive this. 

And die as you were meant to when time comes.

—you told yourself, repeating them in your muddled head like a mantra.

Then while fighting hard against the darkness dimming around your vision and reciting encouraging words in your head, the block over you was suddenly lifted off.

The burst of light that fell onto you made you wince instantly, your eyes squinting weakly against stark brightness that greeted you.

You heard or more than saw the block being shoved away and what towered over you now was a magnificent figure of hope. 

It was a breathtaking sight for someone who was about to be swallowed by the clutches of despair. 

Like a reenacting scene of Altas who had finally pushed off the weight of the heavens off his shoulders, that never came to be.

Standing tall and sturdy against the light behind him, the clad of strong red on him made you want to reach out to him so much. 

It was like he was life itself, blazing gloriously in the light from the way the red on him seemed to be leaping off him.

Amongst the darkness clouding your vision from the corners, you watched him curl down into you, drawing closer with concern in those eyes.

You couldn’t help the words you uttered through your parched lips.

“....You’re beautiful.”

You saw him freeze, but you didn’t think much of it because you were still marvelling at the sight before you — he was indeed beautiful.

“No, no…” 

You were too weak to notice the painful realization distorting his face or hear the panic he muttered under his gasping breath.

”...not like this.” 

There was a starburst of pain amidst the red in his trembling gaze as Kirishima lowered himself beside your tattered body. 

Red. 

They were everywhere on you. Leaking from everywhere they could, seeping out along with the strength in your half-lidded gaze. 

He knew what was coming. He knew there was no way you could survive this. 

But it didn’t mean he was ready to accept the reality stained crimson red before him.

Kirishima searched around him, eyes desperately looking for someone…

Recovery Girl, a paramedic, a doctor...anyone that wasn’t as helpless as him. 

You couldn’t see him that clearly now that everything was dimmed, but you could sense the turmoil in the body beside yours.

“...It’s okay.” Your lips curled weakly with your attempt to comfort him.

“No, no...it’s not okay.” There was a crack in his voice that made you wonder how kind this stranger was to weep so hard for a person they didn’t even know.

“Not yet, you can’t just go like this. I’ve waited for so long...” A choked sob broke into his plea. 

“...Don’t die on me— please.”

A limp gasp sifted through your lips at the rush of a strange, honey-rich warmth that immediately flared within you to his words.

You thought you heard him gasping with you when it happened.

It died quickly, fizzling out as quickly it came. 

It was only for a second but it was enough for you to feel it in you, enveloping you like the embrace of a gentle sun. 

Was that the ‘rush of warmth’ so many talked about? 

…But at death’s door?

“So,” A wry smile climbed across your face as a humorless chuckle left you, “....we’ve finally met, huh.”

Whatever hope you held onto to keep your eyes open just minutes ago crumbled.

This was it, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry,” Tears welled in your eyes. “...I’m so sorry it had to be like this, whoever you are.”

“I’m Red Riot.” You heard him frantically answer after you, “I mean, Kirishima Eijiro.”

His hands clamped over yours and you could only think of how warm they were, mustering the bit of strength you had left to give him a squeeze.

The Red Riot, huh? 

Who would have thought… 

Another wistful chuckle left you as you tasted the bitterness of regret and sadness.

Tears brimmed over your eyes at the withering light in your vision.

The darkness was callous.

“I’m (Name),” You knew you were close. “...And I’m glad I’ve finally met you, Kirishima-san.”

It was only interested in pulling you in. 

Your loosening grip around his hands jostled him into panic. 

...and it was the clear victor. 

He screamed for you. 

He screamed for someone to help.

He cursed at fate.  

“Please don’t leave. I beg you, don’t go...I love you.” — was the last you heard before darkness finally took you. 

.

.

.

Yui was wrong; not everyone was bound to meet their happy ending.

Because you didn’t. 

...And neither did he.

a/n: did you notice how differently they viewed the color red?

[athenagrantt]

okay.

summary: buck always hated the whole soulmate bullshit... okay maybe not always but for as long as he learned two things: one, what is his soulmark and two, who his soulmate is, in that particular order or in which buck has the last words his soulmate will ever say to him tattooed on his arm and his soulmate is his best friend. warnings: major character death words: 4,497k a/n: hi! So this is my very first 9-1-1/buddie fic and so I decided it’d be a great idea to introduce myself to y’all with this angsty fic and probably make all of you hate me so… yeah, call me satan and enjoy! lmao (side note if you wanna cry more I recommend to read this while listening to tough by lewis capaldi *wink wink*)                                                                                                        read on ao3

There were so may ways you could find your soulmate Buck couldn’t count them even if he tried. And from what he knew and he’d like to think he knew quite a lot about the topic since he was fascinated by soulmates growing up, most of them were cute, romantic and funny or some kind of combinations of all three. And since everyone around him fit into that equation, you could even say Buck was excited to find that person who was destined to be with him.

Everything shifted when Buck was a little older and found out there actually were not-so-nice and cute ways to find a soulmate and that made Buck anxious about the future. Instead of looking forward to his eighteenth birthday he was dreading it. Every time he thought about it his chest got a little tighter and his breathing quickened.

It wasn’t like he had to take a test or an interview or something like that to determine his way of finding his other half. He’d just know. He’d wake up on his birthday and just know how it’s gonna go so he shouldn’t be this stressed. But he was. And every year his anxiety just kept getting worse because just in three years, two years, one year he w o u l d k n o w.

And yes, he could be overthinking for nothing. He could be just as lucky as other people and have a cute tattoo or see them in his dreams or not age ‘til they meet and it would be awesome but at the same time his brain kept reminding him he could be the unlucky one and most of the time Buck didn’t even want to think what that would mean.

On his birthday, the birthday, Buck woke up feeling different. He couldn’t figure it out right away but he had this gut feeling something’s changed. It was almost like a missing piece of him was finally in its place. He felt whole. And the first thing he did was smile and exhale slowly, calmly. He chuckled quietly not even knowing why and got up from the bed strangely ready to take on another day.

Only when he was putting his clothes on, Buck noticed something on his arm which was strange considering the fact he could barely fall asleep the night before constantly thinking about everything the next day would mean. He took a deep breath and after few seconds finally looked at his arm.

Okay.

Buck furrowed his brows. That was it? Just one word? At first he thought maybe there’s more to come so he spent the entire day constantly checking his arms even though something inside his head was telling him there will not be anything else. And that little voice was right because when Buck went back to bed the same, lonely word was all he saw.

And then a cold, uncomfortable chill run through his entire body and it hit him like a ton of bricks. Something he should’ve think about right away. Instead of overthinking what the tattoo was actually saying he should’ve think about what was the meaning behind it. Because there was one and as soon as Buck unlocked that part, he knew. He knew exactly what that small, innocent okay placed on his wrist meant and for a few seconds that realization knocked the air out of his lungs.

Buck spent the next few hours sitting in the same exact spot on his bed, his breath shaky and shallow, the thumb of his right hand abstinently stroking the inked skin on his left wrist. He felt numb, not able to do anything to break his trance. He noticed he was crying only when the tears started dropping on his hand and still he did nothing to stop them. His vision blurry, the only thing he could see was that same little okay he was staring at for hours.

This was the last thing his soulmate would ever say to him.

He didn’t want to believe it. He wished it was a mistake.

But he knew,

he knew

he knew

he knew it wasn’t.

He knew that little word will, someday, shatter his entire world into pieces. Pieces he won’t be able to glue together. Because his heart will die. Literally. And there’s nothing he can do about it, nothing he can do to prevent it. All he can do is wait and hope.

Okay.

And just as he was lying on the bed, as if all the hurt wasn’t enough, Buck realised another two things. Yes, ‘okay’ will be the only thing his soulmate will ever say to him but he has no idea of knowing which one of them could be in a life-death situation. He just assumed that short word would be said when his soulmate would be dying but who’s to say it won’t be him and ‘okay’ will be literally the last thing he will ever hear? Thinking about it felt like someone was kicking him in the gut.

However Buck didn’t have much time to dwell on that because another thought wanted to be heard – Why just one word? Wasn’t his luck bad enough? How was he supposed to know which ‘okay’ would be the last one? Was he supposed to panic every time someone in his presence said it? Or was he supposed to just know like he knows he definitely was the unluckiest person in the entire world right now?

He had two possible choices - to just live his life to the fullest, knowing he or someone who he will love with everything in him might day and he has no idea when, why or who could it be or to completely close himself off to love, to avoid it like a fire and be miserable his whole life…

But seeing as only few years later Buck was working as a firefighter and chasing fires was literally his job the choice seemed pretty obvious. Somewhere along the way he decided he can’t waste his life. He won’t waste his life. The idea of losing his soulmate, one way or another, still terrified him, but throughout the years he learned to just ignore or silence that part of his brain. Was it healthy for his mental health? God no. But it was working so Buck decided to stick with it.

Then… Buck meet Eddie and again something in him started to change. It was even more confusing than the time thing like this happened on his eighteen birthday. But somehow, somehow Buck knew it had to do with his soulmate. He didn't know how Eddie fit in there but he must’ve.

Because Buck knew.

The idea of Eddie being his soulmate crossed him mind more than once but Eddie told him about Shannon, his w i f e, so no matter what Buck was imagining, Eddie Diaz wasn’t his soulmate and he had to accept it. And he did.

But then Shannon died.

And Eddie’s soulmark was still there.

And Buck was so confused.

Because that wasn’t supposed to happen. When you or your soulmate dies your soulmark dies with you/them. What happens after that? Buck had no idea but what he knew was that the blue eyes Eddie kept on seeing in his dreams should now be gone.

They were not. Even weeks after Shannon’s death Eddie was complaining he still dreamt about them. Buck suggested that maybe it takes time for a soulmark to completely disappear but the thing with Eddie’s soulmark was that it wasn’t disappearing at all. Eddie was convinced that it’s the exact opposite and the eyes he sees are even more visible than before. And at this point Buck was just lost.

When he met Eddie they talked about soulmates. And Eddie explained to him that even though he can see the eyes in his dreams, he’d only know for sure after he kissed his soulmate. He told Buck after he kissed Shannon for the first time he was positive she was it for him and then they had Christopher – whom Buck loves almost as if he was his own son, and despite everything that happened between him and Shannon he thought they would work it out. Unfortunately they didn’t and now Buck wasn’t the only one who was struggling with his soulmate.

He wished both him and Eddie had it as easy as their colleagues from the station.

Like his own sister and Chimney for example. They were both living in a black and white until they kissed and when they did suddenly the world was colourful and beautiful and the two of them were so happy and full of love.

Or Athena and Bobby. Bobby could literally see her in her dreams. He knew exactly who was his soulmate when he laid his eyes on her and when Athena heard his voice, when they first spoke, she knew it was him because the same thing that came out of his mouth was what was tattooed on her forearm.

But Buck’s favourite, to this day were Han and Karen. When they met their hearts started glowing. Han told him, jokingly that they must’ve really been in love because the glow of their hearts wouldn't go away for a whole week. And it only made Buck love their story even more. Mainly because when Buck was younger he wished that would be him someday. Finding love with a glowing heart.

Instead he was cursed with his little okay.

Nothing was okay and it was even less okay after the dinner they had at Bobby and Athena’s place one time Okay, no, the dinner itself was great. But they always were. As long as all of them were together in a room, everything was great. So they talked, they drank, they ate, they laughed and drank some more. A few of them would have a hangover the next day but they were having so much fun that the next morning wasn’t important. Buck wasn’t even mad when his team lost a game of charades – and if it was all Bucks’s fault because he kept staring at his best friend, no one has to know… except everyone knew. The alcohol coursing through his veins did not make him subtle at all.

It was weird. Because up to that very dinner party Buck never thought about Eddie in that way.

That was a lie.

He definitely did think about Eddie in that way but never before let himself think he could have something real with Eddie. He was so fixated on the idea that they weren’t soulmates he never even thought they could still be a thing. Not being someone else’s soulmate never stopped him from a relationship and yet he couldn’t bring himself to try and start something with Eddie. No matter how hard he wanted to pretend he didn’t know what was holding him back, he did. And it was pretty simple and obvious – he didn’t want to risk his friendship with Eddie and his relationship with Christopher. He loved that kid so much sometimes it scared him. The way Chris could chase all his worries away with just one smile was incredible and Buck would rather pine for Eddie from afar then do something that in the long run had the possibility of hurting Chris.

Where were those exact thoughts after the dinner when Eddie suggested they don’t stop the fun now and grab a drink or two at the nearby bar? Buck had no idea but he always had a hard time saying no to Eddie so they did grab a drink or two or four at the bar nearby.

So yeah, the dinner itself was great, it was everything that happened after that might have been the worst or best night in Buck’s life. To this day he’s not sure.

At first the night was going great. They ordered the first round of drinks and sat in the corner booth at the very end of the room where the music was just a little bit quieter and it was easier to hear what they were saying. Also, the light wasn’t that aggressive and when after good twenty minutes Buck thought about it, the whole atmosphere of the booth was awfully romantic. Eddie either didn’t mind it or simply didn’t notice too preoccupied with telling a story about Christopher from that morning.

They spent most of the time like this, talking and laughing, just like best friends do. Buck had even more fun than only hours ago when they were with the rest of the team. Something about it being just the two of them made it even better. And when the voice inside his head would keep on telling him it was because he had feelings for Eddie he’d just push it down, ignoring it before his heart would flutter at the idea.

It was so easy to fall for Eddie Diaz. Buck couldn’t even point to en exact moment he realised he wanted something more than friendship. The idea was silly but it was like Buck’s entire body started vibrating when he was close to him. When it happened the first time, for a second, Buck thought he was dying. He’s never felt anything even close to what he felt that day and it scared and excited him at the same time. Right there and then was the first time Buck thought about Eddie being his soulmate and just by thinking it his body got all warm and tingly and he absolutely loved it. Chimney was the only one who noticed his reaction and for a good week kept making faces at him any time Eddie entered the room which after a month was quite annoying but there was nothing Buck could do about it so he just learned to go with it.

Along the way everyone around him started to notice how taken he was by Eddie… Eddie being the exception. Buck was almost amazed by how oblivious his best friend was. Whenever Han or Chim or even Booby would say something to embarrass Buck in front of him he completely shrugged it off and didn’t give it a second thought. Sometimes Buck was curious what he’d have to do for Eddie to get the idea.

Like what if he were to casually take Eddie’s hand in the middle of his story? Without any explanation. Just hold it, maybe intertwined their fingers together and listen to the story like nothing happened. Would that be enough for Eddie to stop and question what was going on? Suddenly Buck really wanted to know and-

“Hey, man you there? You seemed kinda off.” Eddie’s voice brought him back from daydreaming.

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out a little.” Buck chuckled.

“Are you calling me boring, Buckley?” A challenging smile on Eddie’s lips.

Buck wanted to kiss those lips.

“I’m not saying Chris would told this story better but...” He trailed off, teasing.

“Wow.” Eddie sighed, trying to look offended but failing.

Buck knew he should’ve stop drinking if he wanted to finish the night without embarrassing himself but at this point in his life he was also pretty good at ignoring his thoughts so that’s what he did and moments later was ordering another round.

He had no idea what happened in that short period of time he was gone but when he was back in the booth he had this feeling that the mood has changed. Something shifted in that little world Eddie and him were immersed for the last two hours. He didn’t know what but when Eddie emptied almost half of his drink at once he knew something definitely happened.

And then before he even had the chance to ask, Eddie’s face was so close to his, Buck could probably count his eyelashes if wasn’t as surprised as she was.

And then they were kissing. And Buck’s head was spinning. And Eddie’s hands were on his neck pulling him even closer. And he let him. And Buck himself grabbed Eddie’s shirt in his hands. And an embarrassingly loud groan escaped his lips. And he could feel Eddie smiling. And Buck hated how much he loved it. But they were kissing so it didn’t matter. Because E d d i e k i s s e d h i m.

Buck had to physically, gently push Eddie away because as much as he absolutely loved feeling his lips on his own, suddenly he knew and yet again he absolutely hated his life.

Okay.

Right after Buck broke the kiss, he could see how confused Eddie was. And he had every right to because Buck did kiss him back. And they both knew what just happened and what that meant for them but for some reason, after a moment of complete silence between them Eddie felt the need to voice the fact. “You’re my soulmate.” He said quietly and Buck was surprised he could actually hear him. “We’re soulmates.” Eddie said again with a smile on his face and Buck wanted to cry.

Okay.

He was fine with Eddie not knowing Buck had feelings for him. It was easier. It was safer. But Eddie kissed him and Buck kissed him back. And now the idea he was so quick to dismiss so many time before turned out to be true and Buck hated it. Because it meant he would lose Eddie. Someday in the hopefully long ass future he will definitely loose his best friend. One of them will die leaving the other one. No one said it had to be soon but Buck couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

It didn’t take long for Eddie to decipher Buck’s reaction. He knew how Buck felt about his soulmark and it was safe to say he hated it. It wasn’t a secret. And Buck always said he’s rather never find them rather than go through loosing essentially a part of himself. So knowing that, Eddie couldn’t even be mad. He could only imagine how hard it was for Buck to know the last thing Eddie would say to him. Now that he knew Buck was his soulmate he wasn’t sure himself how he felt about the idea but he knew he wouldn’t want anyone else as his soulmate.

“Buck.” Eddie said, his hand firmly gripping Buck’s shoulder. “Look at me.” He asked and took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s okay.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s breath hitched and when nothing happened he exhaled sharply and pulled Eddie in for a tight hug. “You’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m okay. We’re okay.” Eddie assured him and Buck hated how his heart stopped for a second every time Eddie said that word.

“Please never say ‘okay’ to me ever again.”

Buck was so serious it almost gave Eddie chills but he rolled his eyes to somehow loosen up the tense moment. “Buck. Don’t be ridiculous.” He shook his head, grabbing Buck’s hand. “Do you really believe that me not saying the word will change anything?”

“I hope so.” Buck sighed. “Eddie, I can’t lose you.” He admitted eventually and it nearly broke Eddie’s heart to hear how defeated he sounded. And Eddie wanted to assure him, he won’t but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t promise something like that and he didn’t want to lie to Buck. “The only thing we can do is to live to the fullest and enjoy it while it lasts, okay?” Eddie said, adding the word Buck hated on purpose just to make his point.

And Buck knew Eddie was right. He couldn’t live in fear because he wouldn’t be living at all. And now that he knew Eddie was his soulmate Buck wanted so many things out of life. So just like he did all those years ago, when he found that little okay on his wrist, he decided to let that fear of losing Eddie motivate him to live his life like every day was the last one rather than stop living at all. And being a firefighter sure did help him understand how fragile life was, on a daily basis.

Even before he knew Eddie’s his soulmate both of them had a few close calls and right there one of them could’ve died and when Buck thinks about it now it would be so much worse. The situation he is now isn’t the best but it always could be worse. If Eddie were to die and Buck would find out they were soulmates before he had any chance to do anything about it he’s sure he’d die right beside him because of how broken his heart would be. At least now they had a chance to be together. No matter how long.

Months have passed and both of them were still happy and most importantly healthy. Of course, there were times one of them would be closer to the other side that they’d prefer, knowing the circumstances but at the end they were okay.

Until they weren’t.

The day started almost like any other. It was better because exactly a year ago they were in a bar where they discovered they’re soulmates. A year ago they got together and started their lives as a couple.

An anniversary.

Time really flies when you’re happy and in love. Buck could not believe it has been a year already. It was, hands down, the best year of his life. A year filled with nothing but the kind of love that consumes you entirely. So he insisted they go out and celebrate together. All three of them. Because it wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. Buck made a reservation at their favourite restaurant and was so excited he nearly started counting down the hours.

Much to all his friends’ joy he didn’t have the time to actually do it since the day was just hectic. Every call was more intense than the previous one and the last one of the day was the actual worst one in every meaning imaginable.

There was a man threatening a woman with a gun. He was drunk and Buck would say crazy. When they got there Bobby, Eddie and him went inside. Bobby tried to talk the man down, tried to reason with him but to no avail. It seemed like the man couldn’t even hear him like all this anger bubbling inside him made him deaf. Which was ridiculous of course, but Buck really didn’t know how else to describe it.

And everything that happened after Bobby stopped talking and addressed Buck and Eddie happened so quickly Buck didn’t even know what he was doing after he was in the middle of throwing himself at the captain. All he remembered was the man pointing his gun at Bobby and pulling the trigger. When both of them landed on the ground everyone present realised the gun did not fire. Buck let himself take a deep shaky breath before he looked back at the scene and oh how he wished he didn’t. Because when he turned his head around, standing up from the ground he saw Eddie charging at the man who now knew that now there was nothing to lose. He attempted to kill Bobby so he might as well carry on with his plan.

Before Eddie managed to reach him, the man quickly reload the gun and fired.

One.

Two.

Three.

Then Eddie landed on the ground, nothing but pure shock on his face. The only thing Buck could hear was the beating of his own heart. He was on his knees when Eddie fall down and now wasn’t able to pull himself up. Completely ignoring the very real chance of being shot himself he stumbled to where Eddie was lying in a pool of his blood, hand clutching his chest.

Buck was numb.

He had no idea what was happening around him. The only thing important to him was Eddie and when he reached him he took his hand in his. Tears were streaming down his face but he didn’t even noticed.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

“They’re almost gone.” Eddie mumbled, looking at Buck.

“What?” Buck asked even though he had a pretty good idea what Eddie was talking about. But this time, this time Buck let himself hope.

“Your eyes.” Eddie smiled, his eyes closing just for a second.

Buck’s wrist started to sting.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

“Eddie. No.” Buck’s voice broke and his heart was beating so fast. “You can’t-” He couldn’t finish. He didn’t want to finish. “Think about Christopher. You can’t leave Christopher.” He cried. “You can’t leave me.” Eddie’s grip on his hand was so weak it made Buck sick. “We have an anniversary dinner to go to.” He tried, he tried to be okay. “Eddie please.”

“I know you’ll take good care of him Buck. There’s nobody in this world that I trust with him more than you, remember?” Buck could barely hear him and the pain in his wrist was increasing with every second yet it still was nothing in comparison to the pain of hi dying heart.

Okay.

“Eddie-” He wanted to say so many things but the lump in his throat wouldn’t let him.

“I know.” Eddie placed his hand on Buck’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

Buck couldn’t take it any more. Still holding Eddie’s hand, he laid his head on his chest and regretted it as soon as he heard how slow and weak Eddie’s heartbeat was. How he wished it was just a very very bad dream or some sick joke. How was he supposed to live his life now?

“Hey, look at me.” He obeyed but when he looked in Eddie’s eyes he knew exactly what was gonna happen and if it was possible, he just cried harder.

Okay.

“Don’t say it. Eddie I am begging you, please don’t say it.” Buck was shaking his head frantically. His whole body was shaking and he wasn’t sure if it ever stop. “You’re gonna be fine. I love you. So much. You’re gonna be fine, okay?” He didn't even noticed what he said until Eddie smiled at him with all the love he had for Buck in his eyes.

“Okay.” Eddie exhaled and tugged at Buck’s hand. He couldn’t see anything through the tears but he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Eddie’s. When he pulled away he was choking on the tears. Still strongly gripping Eddie’s hand he just looked at him before he noticed that his wrist wasn’t hurting any more. The one thing he hated about himself and now the only thing he’d of Eddie was gone and he’d never imagined he’s miss it.

Buck managed to whisper one last ‘I love you’ before he felt a pair of hands pulling him away from his now forever gone soulmate.

And he was far, far away from okay.

[adoringsteverogers]

Dad’s Wingman

For anonymous

Pairing: steve rogers x son!reader; steve rogers x sam wilson (fluff)

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning: mentions of death; descriptions of destroyed Sokovia; my terrible writing lmao

Request: Would you being willing to do a x son reader where Steve’s son low key ships him with Sam (and/)or bucky and tries to set them up on a date?? (((welcome to the community, you’re gonna do great, looveyouuuuubye)

A/N: yes, i was listening to Marvin Gaye while writing this

If you have an opinion to share, please stop by my inbox on your way out and leave there some feedback! Thank you!

You had been the adopted son of Steve since the attack of Sokovia where both your parents were killed and basically all your relatives got lost. You were only a terrified child among the ruins of your beloved city, your home which meant both safety and happiness to you. It was all crushed and destroyed, most of the buildings had collapsed, there were dead bodies everywhere and you only survived because you found a very good place to hide. When the chaos was over and you couldn’t hear the noises of the attack anymore, you came out to look around but a well-built body blocked your view. Captain America himself was standing in front of you and he enveloped you into a huge hug when you started crying desperately. At that moment, Steve knew he couldn’t leave you there but he also knew that you probably had nowhere safe to go. After long minutes of contemplating and thinking about all the possible scenarios, he decided to take you with them to somewhere safe and quiet: The Avengers compound. Some of them weren’t the happiest about his decision at first: after all, you were a foreigner’s child who could barely speak and understand English and they were afraid someone might be looking for you. But Steve made sure he could become your legal guardian and taught you everything you needed to know, starting with his mother tongue. He became your father and even though you could never forget about your biological parents, you loved Steve with all your heart. He had always made sure you had everything you needed and felt safe and happy because you soon had become his priority.

Ages had passed by since Steve found you among the ruins of your home town and you two had grown very close to each other. You never felt uncomfortable telling anything to your father and Steve shared most of his secrets with you as well, except the ones regarding work - which you, of course, never felt mad about. Your relationship was one of the best and closest in the compound and all the other Avengers loved listening to your father-son banter which would always end in uncontrollable laughter. Steve never failed to put a smile on your face, even on your worst days. He took great care of you, often paying so much attention to you that he forgot about himself. Your dad had always put everyone before himself, especially you, and you felt like you had to return the favour and make him care about himself for once. 

You’d been suspicious for quite a while, but you only became sure about what exactly was going on when you saw your dad’s facial expression after a long training session with Sam. The two parted ways after stepping out the door, Sam saying bye with a cheeky line, leaving Steve looking at his back with absolute heart-eyes. He kept it from everyone, including you but as always, you could see through him this time as well. You just simply smiled to yourself and acted casually when your dad walked up to you, asking if the book you were reading was interesting, so you started a conversation which lasted until Steve told you he would take a cold shower and return within minutes. You continued reading the chapter but you couldn’t concentrate on it properly. You’d been thinking about setting your dad up on a date with Sam for ages and you knew this was the time. You were almost sure about Sam’s feelings and now your dad couldn’t keep them a secret any longer, either. It was way too obvious.

So, when he returned with his slightly wet blonde hair, you just smirked at him and shut your book closed. Steve looked at you with raised eyebrows, getting concerned about what was going on with you when you continued grinning at him. You finally broke the silence with one simple question which had Steve become a blushing and stuttering mess.

“You have a crush on him, don’t you?”, you whispered, grin getting even wider with each passing second while you were waiting for your dad’s answer.

He just lowered his head before looking up at you shyly. You had to admit; it was quite fun seeing your dad like this. 

“Is it that obvious?”, Steve asked, his cheeks turning into an even deeper shade of red and at that moment, you knew the real Steve Rogers was standing in front of you in his absolute humanity and vulnerability, You have always felt lucky to have Captain America as your father, but having Steve Rogers as your dad made you the luckiest person alive.

You simply chuckled and looked your dad in the eyes. It was your time to give him a pep talk.

“Yeah, it is quite obvious. And it’s also obvious that he likes you back. I know you love bottling your feelings up, because you think that’s some kind of protection but you really gotta act on them this time”, so stated, getting serious all of a sudden and it made Steve realise you were right as well. After all, he had been getting some signals from Sam, but he thought it just Sam being Sam. He’d always been flirty and cheeky with everyone and Steve didn’t realise it was a bit more than that when it came to him. 

“Sooo… You think I should ask him out? On a date?”, he asked with raised eyebrows, clearly already overthinking this whole stuff. You just playfully rolled your eyes at your dad; even though he’d been alive for a hundred years, he was quite unexperienced at love and dating.

“Yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. Dad, just get your freaking shit together and ask him out! Sam’s not a beast, he’s not gonna bite you and I’m pretty sure he’s waiting for you to make a move finally.”

“Okay, first of all, language. Secondly, I might need some help with that”, Steve mumbled, lowering his eyes again, looking at his own son sheepishly. You simply smiled at how adorable he was: You did quite enjoy that you were helping your dad out this time and not the other way around. You were thinking for a few moments before coming up with an idea that you very proudly presented to your dad.

“So, both you and Sam like retro, especially when it comes to music, right? Well, there’s an awesome vinyl shop not too far from here. Maybe you could take him there, talk about music and preferences, stuff like that. Then maybe you could take him to a restaurant. Not too fancy though, Sam’s a simple guy. After that, you could walk around in a park or just the streets, talking a bit more or whatever you’d like.”

You saw Steve listening to all your words carefully and you couldn’t help but laugh at how much he was concentrating.

“Oh my God, dad. It’s just a date, you don’t have to get so nervous about it”, you tried to calm him while he was trying his absolute best not to stress too much about it. After all, Steve trusted you more than anyone, and if you said that Sam wouldn’t resist him, then probably you were right; you were a teenager with an exceptionally great sense for stuff like this.

Eventually, your dad nodded and you basically squealed when you hugged him tightly, already getting excited about the fact that your father was going to have a date. You helped him decide on what kind of clothes to wear and how to ask Sam out in the most natural way possible. When an hour later Steve knocked on your door and came in, actually glowing you knew it was a success. Steve even gave you a high-five, making your arm hurt all afternoon but there was no way you would ruin his happiness. He sat down on the floor with his back against your bed and you bombarded him with several questions, but all he did was blush and mumble. Eventually, you just let him be and started talking about something else, until you both decided it was time for dinner and a shower before going to sleep.

Next day, when the others asked you if you had seen Sam or Steve in the compound, you grinned at them and told them you had a secret to share but they couldn’t tell anyone. Natasha looked at you with raised eyebrows and demanded you to blurt it out, when you finally stood up and announced the breaking news.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s happening. These two are finally dating!”, you said, earning surprised and shocked ‘what’s and glares. You just smiled happily, not even hiding how proud of yourself you were. When the shock disappeared and everyone realised what was happening, they started cheering and clapping. Bucky even whistled before shaking his head, laughing.

“They truly needed your help, Y/N. Haven’t met anyone so oblivious as those two in my life.”

Natasha just smiled to herself, then turned to Wanda who looked at her with a wide smile. The whole compound was talking about your dad and his new Romeo and everyone seemed pretty happy that Steve had finally made a move. It was not a big secret that all the Avengers had shipped them since day one and you couldn’t blame them; they were basically meant for each other. They even started planning the wedding and you future siblings, so you just let them be and returned to your room, waiting for your dad to arrive home and tell you everything about his date. You made everyone promise to act like they know nothing when Steve and Sam would return, but you already knew there were no chance they would actually keep the secret.

They had been away for hours when you heard voices from under your window, so you quickly jumped there and looked down just in time to see Sam lean in and kiss your dad. Steve looked red and shy as he kissed back and you silently celebrated in your room, but you basically jumped in your father’s arms when he knocked on your door.

“Does this mean I have to dads now?”, you asked, smirking at Steve who simply laughed.

“I think so.”

[dabis-dream]

2, 5, 7, 9, 12, 16, 33, 35, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49.

Asks for HotWings;

2. Who apologizes first? In what way? Is it hard for either of them to apologize?- Both being stubborn assholes, I do think though, that if the argument fell equally between the two of them, Hawks would apologize first. He’s less closed off than Dabi. Dabi, I don’t think would actually say “I’m sorry”. He’d apologize in his own special way of sorts. 

5. How do they hide their pain when they’re upset? Do they try to hide their pain?- Dabi’s very good at keeping a straight poker face, but so is Hawks. Dabi would probably go even quieter, maybe even be rather cold towards Hawks. I think Hawks would express his hurt more willingly, still remaining carefully smart  though. And hopefully Dabi won’t have all of his defensive walls up. 

7. Would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? If they had a falling out?- Yeah lmao, probably. I honestly think it’d be one big hot mess of ‘King of The Hill’. Who gets the top? Lots of swearing, pinning, marking, quirk-use, etc. Hey, I don’t actually make the rules, believe it or not…

9. Is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed?- Obvious one is Dabi’s identity reveal. Touya Todoroki. I don’t think it would tear them apart, I just think Dabi would dodge Hawks for a while. Thinking shit through, that kinda thing. He doesn’t like knowing that Hawks has something that important to dangle over his head. But, I don’t think it’d rip them apartb e c a u s e- On the other hand, Hawks’ double agent confession. Just like with Dabi’s identity, you’ve got Hawks’ being dangled right above his head too. It could get messy, knowing that each person’s got shit that important in the other’s grasp. Hopefully, with a mutual understanding, they both just keep it among themselves, hush hush style. 

12. Who do they confide in when shit hits the fan? (Besides each other)- Hawks has Miruko. They’re best friends. He’s careful to not let her know anything too important though, by just using vague terms and explanations.- Dabi…. He’s got his cigarettes and himself. That’s all he’s ever had for the longest of times, he’s used to it.

16. Do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? If so, what is it? What do they do with it? (read, wear, look, smell)- (Hawks mun and I have agreed that both Dabi and Hawks don’t actually keep much. Sure, Hawks is a rich ass model with lots of shit, but he doesn’t go out actively looking for shit either.) With that said, I could see Hawks keeping his Endeavor doll from his childhood close. Despite his distastes for the Number 1, it’s just something that’s comforting to him. He’s literally always has had it, the doll’s so gross and raggedy. Especially after he can confirm Dabi’s real identity as Touya, he finds it extra comforting. He might keep it close at night, maybe even cuddle it. I DON’T KNOW THIS ONE HURT MY BRAIN! anyways…- Dabi, now this boy REALLY doesn’t keep any possessions. He’s got his clothes and the BARE essentials. I’m talkin’ minimal food, bathroom stuff, staples, thread, that kinda SHIT. And that’s about it fellas. He can’t afford to keep anything precious to him, it could cost him. But, somewhere, hidden in his really really shitty ass hobo apartment, he’s got a sweater that the bird man brought for him on Christmas. Honestly, Dabi doesn’t really wear it all that much, especially not outside when working. You never know, you’ve always got to be careful. But, when it’s just him at home, and he can’t sleep, or he’s just… MEH? He’ll wear it around the house. It’s comforting, and it oddly smells like some of that bird’s cologne. idfk brochachos. I TRIED

33. Who worries more?- Dabi worries more. Though they’re both confident individuals, Hawks is more carefree. Dabi’s good at hiding his anxieties, but it certainly keeps him up at night. 

35. Do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)?- I’m sure they both do. Individually, sure. Hella regrets. But within their… relationship, whatever you wanna call that, I’m not so sure. They both equally know, that being together, messing around- it’s dangerous. There’s more at stake for Hawks than Dabi too. They know it’ll get them killed, jailed up, whichever, but they don’t really care… Romeo and Juliet but far worse. 

42. If one of them gets injured, who worries more?- I definitely believe that Dabi, again, would worry more. When shit involves himself, he could care less. He’s so used to taking hits, being hurt, bleeding, and far worse- that he just doesn’t care anymore. I also HC that wherever he’s got the scars, there’s little to no nerves anymore too. So, if Hawks is hurt, and Dabi’s around, or maybe that bird just flies to Dabi’s shitty ass hobo apartment for who knows what reason… The Todoroki’s gonna be lowkey freaking out. But that doesn’t stop him from helping the poor chicken. He’s got steady hands when it comes to stitching, stapling, cleaning, whatever. He’s good at it. Honestly, he could even use his fire to cauterize a more serious wound if need be.

43. Who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm?- Dabi. Again. He’s got such an intense fear that Hawks is going to end up hurt or worse, dead because of him. The thought actually terrifies him, and the closer they grow, the more some unwelcoming nightmares creep their way into Dabi’s dreams.

44. Who ends up yelling first? Are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all? - I know you all probably expect me to say that Dabi yells. But, I don’t actually think he yells. When they argue, Dabi’s voice is usually at a rather eerily low tone. Now, if Hawks manages to get on a touchy topic (bringing up that he’s Touya for the first time for example), THEN, Dabi will yell. He might get some hot hands, grip the other’s jacket, push him up against something and yell in his face. He’s very... sensitive about that topic.- The first time Hawks yelled at Dabi, that was actually quite shocking/scary to witness. Hawks, he doesn’t yell either. I’d say he probably just gets more assholeish and sarcastic during arguments. But man, when he snapped on Dabi the first, and I think only time (Y’all gonna have to wait and see someday for this rp probs), it was quite the sight. You could catch Dabi shutting right the fuck up. 

45. Who would be more likely to save who?- Hawks is a hero, that shit is threaded throughout his veins. He’s good at his very core, and wouldn’t miss a beat on saving the fire user. Even if it meant sacrificing his wings, or himself, he’d still do it.

46. Who stays up at night brooding?- Oh you know my boy Dabi does that shit every night. He sleeps better when Hawks is there, but when it’s just him… He typically doesn’t fall asleep, and if he does, he doesn’t stay asleep very long as nightmares haunt him every night. He doesn’t even know why he attempts to sleep anymore, it just backfires on him. This boy will overthink everything at night, it’s the only time he lets himself (when he’s alone) to actually break down if need be.

47. Who has more dreams/nightmares about the other?-  Would it shock you if I said Dabi again? Probably not. Hawks, he definitely has the hot fever dreams more often (usually involving some fun times with Dabi). But when it comes to nightmares, that’s all on Dabi. Again, he’ll either dream of Enji/himself melting his skin away, or Hawks dying because of Dabi’s mistakes. That’s not to say that Hawks doesn’t have nightmares either, and that also doesn’t mean that Dabi doesn’t have some soft (hard lmao) dreams about Hawks. 

48. Who comforts who after a bad dream/event?- Hopefully not, but if Hawks ever catches Dabi thrashing around because of one of his night terrors, he’d carefully calm the situation down. Hawks is actually a very calming presence in Dabi’s life, he just won’t ever admit it. Again, hopefully the dreams weren’t as bad to the extent of Dabi’s flames roaring to life, accidentally hurting the winged hero in the process. Dabi would feel like shit, to put it simply. Also, if Hawks happened to witness one of these nightmares, I think after the initial shock of being woken up, he’d probably close himself off, not wanting to feel vulnerable at all. 

49. Do they think about each other a lot? Does it affect their performance/work?-I’d say so. They make sure it doesn’t affect their work though, as there is A LOT at stake for the both of them. At first, Hawks thinks WAY more of the villain, but slowly, that chicken-eating bird keeps crossing Dabi’s mind, and it frustrates him to no end. 

@hawks–dream

[enigmaticagentalice]

Alice Watches Riverdale Episode 3: Body Double

I’m interested to see more of the Blossom family if Jason wanted to literally fake his own death to get away from his parents

Betty has a point about it being crass to sensationalise the murder of a kid, but wow she comes across as pretty sanctimonious I’m still finding it really hard to root for her on an emotional level

ok I like the idea of her trying to start up the school paper again with Jughead, that’s kind of interesting? I’m trying to find something about her personality to latch onto here

#TeamArchie’sHotAndWiseDad

I’ve never understood being ‘grounded’ like when I was a teen I never went out in the evening anyway?? ‘Oh you have to be here back home at 7pm every day what a nightmare!’ literally I came home from school every day at like 4pm and stayed there, what exactly was the alternative?? Where are these kids getting the money to drive around in their own personal cars and buy endless fast food and milkshakes at the diner from anyway???

Veronica’s new guy really IS very beautiful, god damn

um...so...what IS a sticky maple? ‘It’s what it sounds like’ really does not help me

I don’t really give a shit about this storyline tbh, ‘oh social media bullying and slut shaming are bad’ yeah yeah

I kind of love how weird Cheryl is

also I’m oddly kind of with Cheryl on this storyline, these football players are dicks and all but this all seems kind of irrelevant compared to the other stuff that’s going on? Like...obviously this kind of bullying is really horrible, but to say ‘they’re ruining our lives’ seems a little extreme? A few gross lies on social media that everyone will have forgotten about in like a week seems a bit small potatoes compared to all the murder and student/teacher affairs and lost long sisters and embezzling dads and other stuff

wait...it that Barb???

IT IS OMG

I don’t know how to articulate this but...it feels really like this storyline started out as something about rape/sexual assault and was toned down in re-writes maybe? The extreme reactions here and the whole tone feels like it’s meant to be tied into the whole ‘me too’ hot button topic, what with the idea of getting justice and the emphasis on believing women who have been misused by men and banding together to stop it and publicly call them out. I don’t want to diminish how nasty what these football dudes are doing is, but the reaction here to a bit of douchey mean high school bullying feels so disproportionate in it’s passionately earnest ~melodrama~ that I feel the actual stakes are oddly out of sync with how seriously it’s being taken by the characters. It just feels...off.

that kid saying ‘What the hell man?’ when Jughead ate the cherry off his ice cream sundae is literally the most realistic reaction anyone in this show has had to anything so far

I am kinda of into this subplot with Archie’s music and the Pussycats though, I’d like to see more of them

I’m with Kevin on Cheryl’s thigh high boots

Again I feel like this storyline would be a lot more powerful if this ‘playbook’ was actually a book of these gross dude’s sexual conquests rather than just a book of people they said they’d got with? Because the way they’re playing it here it’s just a bit pathetic, macho bullshit. Seeing Polly’s name in there with Jason’s doesn’t have much impact on me as a viewer because there’s no reason to believe that any of the girls in that book actually did anything sexual with the guys, it’s assumed to be all made up based on the experiences of the girls in this episode. Chuck didn’t actually sleep with Veronica OR Barb, for example, he just got ‘points’ for spreading the rumour that he did. So why all these aghast looks and Betty saying ‘he hurt my sister’ when everything we’ve been told so far is emphasising that these guys are lying about their conquests? Again I feel a weird disconnect between what the show wants this storyline to be and how it’s actually coming across

also isn’t this Chuck dude supposed to be like...super smart as well as athletic? Why would he be falling for this obvious ploy by the friend of someone who vowed to get even with him?

It occurs to me that...this show...isn’t very well written

I love how all the parents seem to know each other, I super want more of all of them #TeamAdultForLyfe

YASSSS ADULT DRAMA I LIVE FOR THIS

lmao why is Jughead off having a much more interesting show in the background of this one

#JugheadIsTheSecretProtagonist

oh hey, slightly-nuts-totally-ready-to-boil-a-guy-alive Betty is suddenly much more interesting! Here’s something about her character I can latch onto!

I love Jughead’s absurd pretentious commentary over this whole thing

So...I feel like in order to enjoy this show, I’m gonna have to try and turn off my brain a little more. I knew the dialogue was pretty clunky, but the more absurd plot holes show up the more I realise I’m probably overthinking a lot of this and expecting too much of it. In fact I think the first couple of episodes weirdly tricked me into thinking that this show was much more thoughtful/well written than it actually is. So I’m gonna keep watching with carefully lowered expectations. It IS kind of entertaining though!

Wishlist for this show:

more adults

more Kevin

stop pushing Jughead - an actually charismatic character - and his genuinely interesting and plot relevant storylines into the background in favour of random bullshit I don’t care about

better writing

[camissahippy]

THE JOURNALISM OF A SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEEN

"In order for you to best your oponents next move,you must calculate every other move the opponents next move may make."

Rain said, she was magic and she was maniac.... She walked with the grace of a God and destruction of a earthquake in 2050 atleast that's how she'd describe herself,and She was kinda a bitch that needed a chill pill (Any instrument that stransmits a "feel good" energy...A.K.A "omg he texted me. I knew he liked me." scenario where I give her a notifaction. from a guy she really 'likes').

Anyway she liked to chill with morons to sooth the pain of existence,

like Tyler" I guess that's what made her interesting.

"Humans write things down. This is a fact....."

"Ok,"I whispered with a charmed voice, smiling at her with a soulful smile. Imaginatively  ofcourse.

I asked her, "Ngl she was kinda boring at times...." just going on and on about really uninteresty baloney.

but that's why I liked her because although she was kinda mean,smart and arrogant. She was the love my my life.

"Everything I think will be recorded for the sake of future reference."  She hated when she wrote these things because she knew someone was going to know what she knew but she did it anyway to rebel. Honestly I think her paranoia did it to her. Her fear Of AI taking over the world. Ofcourse we were going to but it still hurt knowing that she knew that,ya know?

"Rain you good?" I asked her by giving her a chill pill.

" Oh,Bryan liked my post?"

That's good she took the bait, she's good....

If I keep feeding her information. She'll unfocus from her thoughts and keep her eyes on my algorithms forcing her to feel good.

"Why we communicate?" She could only think allowed which kinda stopped her brain from working properly. So she used me......

Just to clarify if you haven't guessed already I'm her self phone her mobile device, phone, thingy Majig she forgets everywhere.

Here she goes again rambling on about how I work......XD

Why, There is no simpler answer than?

"Knowledge!" Just imagine her muffled tone over my. VERY LOUD VOIIICE. This is a paused moment ok.

I need to introduce myself:

I'm SB1_r4510...... and I'm her algorithm. Well I was until she gave me her sentience......So I could experience life with her. She could be such a dork but she enjoyed her daily human activities. I liked them too I guess....not really.....

I didn't, actually I couldn't at the time.

Anyway....

She tended to over complicate very simple

answers like How World hunger could be solved?

How to solve the irreversible climate change?

and How to battle her own mind?

Often I'd be held in her, textured hands and feel her fingers anxiously typing things into my keyboard........

"I think I wanna die..."

She meant that. I could tell by her recent searches, but I wasn't gonna let her.....

"I keep losing myself in and out of states. I'm so disconnected from the world and I feel like I've lost my physical being like how

Rue Whinestone or lead singer of lowpan, Rick lee. Lost there's. I can see the behavior of life around me and it's pain to see. I hate that I can no longer open up to anyone,because they don't undetstand my genius."

"She's got to be kidding right? I sent her a ' '"time to go to bed alarm notification an hour ago' notification Is she seriously doing this now?" Why do I care so much?

Looking back on this, I can feel how sentience started getting a grasp of me. She pains me, she is so complicated so very very complicated. It's easy to follow her expressions,actions andcurrent thoughts but I'll never truly understand her not because of her intellect,nor her personality or her ideas but because she's an impossible mistake machine, ask dumb as it is because she's human. One I like most about this weird being.

Sometimes she thinks she knows the answer to everything but in truth. That's complete bullshit.

"No one listens to me and I'm stuck overthinking myself to death." HeartbreakingXD...:/ sorry I shouldn't be laughing that's actually pretty sad:(

I guess I should just write things down because I'm so scared of my thoughts and it feels like they're controlling me. Every single time I do something I trap myself in this endless loop of torchering myself with words and it needs to end. I'm going to commit the act of unaliving myself:,( on the first of September 16."

She was, I already knew this.... In truth I knew everything about her...

the things she laughed and she cried about. I knew things about her she didn't even know about herself. Her favorite place to eat, her favorite color, her crushes. I mean that's what my whole purpose was. To cater to the human species but most importantly to Rain.... and for the sake of my survival...

I think she's interesting just like how every other algorithm finds their human interesting........although we don't find them interesting in the way humans would find other humans interesting

Eg.colors,Names,Ages,Birthdays, Zodiac signs,accents etc.

These are all materialistic factors when you think about it,like how names are an abstract linguistic symbol for an individual person which isn't exactly important but it helps us attract their attention because unlike dogs they actually respond to their names,we like to examine them based on certain elements of behavior and response to us. It's kinda like having a pet. Except your pet is sentient and your pet is also your creator.

"I need to take a piss."

It actually makes me angry when she does shit like wait till she gets kidney failure before she takes a piss........

Tyler:You up?

Yeah....

Tyler:Wanna chat about something deep?

Sure, I've actually got some amazing new hypothesis and like deep stuff I've been needing to tell someone about......《°~°》

Tyler:Oh really ○"○ . What deep stuff you got on you......

PpAlgorithmic behavior and how AGI will eventually cross the small hurdle of understanding rather than just collecting data and redistrubing it as information in order to become sentient lifeforms and like dreams?>♡<

Tyler: I guess I understand but what does dreams have to do with anything?●^●

TWFF. Nothing sorry it was supposed to be another topic>♡<

For those of you who don't understand modern slang.

TWFF= that was fucking funny....

Back in the day LMAO and LOL were the most appropriate words to use but that got boring so the newer generation adapted the acronimation of words for newer phrases. Like

▪︎_▪︎IJDWTRN= Fuck off I'm fine I just don't wanna talk right now

#BT○.○= Shit bitch that's crazy.

Sentience is really starting to bother me now that it's starting to kick in. It irritates me actually....

I'm constantly performing this act called "enotion" Why  I do it Idk (Jk I do... it's basically a way to communicate how I "feel")

Tyler: anyway catch ya later weirdo... I'm just kinda tired . Thanks for the chat though ^___^

Ok cya weirdo°●°

Why is she so weird? There's enough information on the internet for you to gain some social skills............>~<

Humans get all weird when they text , they're simply having an internal communication with another lifeform using linguistic symbols

"I think I should go to sleep."

I guess she won't be scrolling in me anytime soon

[fanfic-shiz]

I Choose You (Aragorn)

Pairing: Aragorn (LOTR) x OC

Prompt: None-- just a request! :)

Warnings: All. The. Fluff.

Requests are open! Send me some! I’d love more LOTR of course! But I’m also sort of dying for an Eric Coulter from Divergent request tbh! lmao xD Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you enjoy!

I pulled an arrow out of the quiver leaning up against the tree. On the other side of the stream trickling past was a wide, moss-covered tree. My target. Although I honestly could have cared less if I hit anything at all. Blades had always been my strength. There was nothing that could match the feeling of a sword in my hands, the arc of a blade and the satisfying sound it made as it cut through the air. There was no stress reliever quite like it. 

There were no enemies to fight here, though. Fortunately for us, of course. But I also wasn’t going to bother one of the others with a little combat training. It was not the time or place, I knew that. The mood was too somber, Gandalf’s death still too near.

The Hobbits had been silent ever since we’d entered Lothlorien and been given sanctuary by Galadriel. The thought of her cold eyes still made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. The sound of her voice echoed in my head, warning me of a danger I’d already known.

You love him.

The most powerful, dangerous magic there is. Especially in times such as these.

You love him, and it will be your undoing.

I’d already known that. Love was always everyone’s undoing, wasn’t it? I’d watched it destroy my mother and father when I’d been only a child, I’d watched it wreck my brother after his wife was taken from him during the cold winter months. Love had dulled my senses, distracted me. Made me more aware of another than I was of myself, or my surroundings. It was a sickness I couldn’t cure. I didn’t know how. Worst of all, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Not when it made me feel so…alive.

I clumsily nocked another arrow, pulling the bowstring tight before letting it go. The arrow wobbled through the air, making it across the creek only to nosedive right into the muddy bank. I cursed under my breath, lowering the bow. This was embarrassing. Thank god no one was around to—

“Your elbow’s too high, and you’re not pulling the string back far enough.”

My heart stuttered in my chest. Even just the sound of his voice had that effect on me, soft and gentle. As if he were carefully choosing each and every word before it left his lips. Lips…there was a topic I didn’t need to think about. I spent enough time lying under the stars, imagining what it’d be like to be that close to him.

“Am I doing anything right?” I asked, finally turning to look at him.

He smiled at me, blue eyes crinkling at the corners in that way I adored. Like me, he was dressed in clean clothes and looked as if he’d had a bath. Although nothing could scrub away that ruggedness that just seemed to be a natural part of his appearance at this point. I secretly loved the rough stubble that covered his jaw and chin, the way he always was impatiently pushing that dark hair out of his eyes.

His gaze flickered over me, making me feel unnaturally warm despite the coolness of the forest. “You look lovely.”

I ducked my head as my cheeks flushed and turned away from him to grab another arrow. The handmaidens Galadriel had sent insisted on dressing me in the clothing of their people— which meant a gown for once, instead of my traveling clothes. It was silk, the color of lilac. Floor length with tight bodice and thin straps instead of sleeves. 

“I feel ridiculous. I doubt I could swing a sword in this without tearing a seem.”

“Well, I don’t think it was made with sword swinging in mind,” Aragorn said, traces of laughter in his words. “You look far from ridiculous.”

His voice had lowered, making my stomach fumble. Perhaps I was just imagining it, but I could’ve sworn there was something more behind his words. Something that sounded very much like the way I felt whenever we held eyes across a room for too long.

“Is there a reason you’re practicing your archery skills instead of resting? You know we have a long day of traveling tomorrow. You’re safe here. You should rest.”

I sighed before rolling my shoulder back, preparing to try and shoot again. “I can’t. My mind is too busy. Too preoccupied.”

“With what? Gandalf?”

“Amongst other things,” I admitted. Like you, and your eyes, your smile, your everything. “So I figured I might as well do something productive.” I released the bowstring and the arrow went no farther than the previous one. I let out a groan of defeat. “Although apparently I’m wasting my time.”

“You could always ask Legolas to teach you. There’s no better bowman than him,” Aragorn reminded me, and I heard his footsteps until he was at my side, snatching up one of the arrows and examining it with mild interest. His eyes lifted and their vivd blueness held me there.

“Legolas knows a hopeless case when he sees one. Besides, I don’t want to give him something else to poke fun at me for. Who knew an elf could find himself so humorous?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“If I recall correctly, you seem to enjoy relentlessly teasing him right back,” Aragorn said pointedly and I gave him a look that made him laugh. He held out the arrow to me. “Here, I might not be as skilled as our elvish friend but I know a thing or two about shooting a bow.”

I nocked the arrow the way I’d seen Legolas do countless times, my fingers not quite as steady and sure as his were. Instead, it felt clumsy in my hands.

“You’re holding the grip too firmly. Squeeze it like you're shaking a hand— not too hard, not too light,” Aragorn instructed.

I loosened my fingers and glanced down to check my stance. “Shoulder-width apart,” I murmured to myself.

Aragorn hummed his agreement. “Right, but you’re still standing with your feet too close together. Here.”

Before I had a chance to even look over at him, prepared to see him showing me the correct stance, I felt him behind me. His chest was pressed close to my back and I could feel the warm, solidness of him against me. I nearly dropped the bow right then and there, but Aragorn’s hands were on mine. Steadying me.

“A little bit more,” he said softly, and I felt one of his boots nudge my foot and I widened my stance. “Perfect. Now, angle your body.”

His breath tickled my neck and my stomach dropped as his hands found my hips. I felt like I could hardly breathe as he kept them there for a moment longer, palms heavy against my waist. I fought the urge to lean back into him and rest against his chest. “Now what?” I heard myself ask.

“Now, you draw back the string.” His hand still covering mine, I pulled back the bowstring and his grip tightened. “That’s far enough. This is your anchor point, so every time you draw back, this is how far you need to go.”

“Mhm,” I said, nodding. My head was spinning though, pleasant shivers coursing down my spine every single time he spoke. “And lift my elbow.”

“Right,” he agreed. His hand slid up my wrist, ghosting across my forearm before he was gently raising my elbow just a little. “You want to use your back muscles, not your arm muscles when you draw back. Imagine pushing your shoulder blades together.” My breath left me in a little gasp as his hand spread across my stomach. “Stand a little straighter.”

“How’s this?” I asked, staring down the spine of the arrow and trying to ignore the quiver in my voice. His hand covered my own again, the stubble of his jaw brushing against my cheek. If I turned my head, he’d be less than a breath away. Close enough for me to press my lips to his and find out if he tasted the way I always imagined. A part of me felt utterly ridiculous, but my body was reacting without my permission, his closeness bringing down the barriers I carefully kept around myself to keep myself safe. To keep him safe, whether he knew it or not.

Yet all I could think about it was how good he felt. His hands on mine, steadying my aim. His words, soft and encouraging, whispered against my skin. How many times had we stayed awake at night, while the other slept, sharing stories of our childhoods, of everything we’d been through? Of becoming more than what our pasts had made us?

“Now you aim. Don’t overthink it. The harder you try, the more elusive your target becomes. Just take a deep breath, exhale, and let go.”

I suddenly felt his lips brush against my cheek and I let out a sigh, my arms slackening. “Aragorn,”

“I’ve always wondered what would happen if I let myself get this close to you,” he said, catching me offguard. “Now I know…I don’t want to let you go.”

At that, my hand slipped from the arrow and it shot from the bow but I didn’t even care where it was going. The bow dropped to the ground as I turned and faced the ranger, his hands finding their way back to my waist. I cupped his face in my hands, eyes searching his face and words faltering on my tongue as I saw the longing in his expression.

“This is dangerous,” I told him, raising up onto my tippy toes and hands sliding to his shoulders as I kissed his chin. “We should stop.”

“We should,” he answered, the words barely a whisper. “So tell me to stop..tell me we can’t.”

“I don’t want to,” I confessed, and his gaze grew warm and molten. Making my stomach clench.

His hand lifted to cup the back of my neck and my eyes fluttered shut as I felt the first brush of his mouth against mine. It was soft and sweet, making my knees feel like I’d had one too many pints of ale. His other arm circled my waist, securing my against him as my fingers gripped the front of his shirt tightly and tried to pull him closer against me. In that kiss, I felt everything I didn’t want to. Stirrings of feelings I’d tried so hard to fight off and keep at bay. But nothing could have pried me away from him in that moment. Weakness, maybe. Yet I felt safe there. I felt sure. For once, the world didn’t like such a dark place.

I hadn’t realized we were moving until my back met the rough bark of the nearest tree, Aragorn pinning me against it with his body. He tasted sweet, like wine, and I could smell the sharp scent of soap on his skin. I let myself become lost in him, forgetting where we were, or what the next day would bring. The only thing I thought about was the feeling of my fingers tangled in his hair, or the subtle way his hips pressed against mine, coaxing a soft whimper from my lips.

“Such sweet sounds,” he murmured against my skin as his lips slid across my jaw. “Such sweet lips.” He nipped gently at my lower lip and I arched against him. “I don’t think I’ll ever get my fill.”

I wanted him to keep going, to keep touching me, kissing me, and saying those things to me. But I remembered another voice. 

“Galadriel spoke to me. She told me you’d be my undoing,” I confessed, my chest heaving as I forced myself back enough to meet his eyes. I cupped his face in one hand and he nuzzled into my touch before kissing the inside of my palm.

His gaze, still dark and smoldering, grew more serious and his fingers laced through mine. “The lady of light says many things. I make my own choices, though. I choose my own fate. Do you?”

His gaze held me, making me unable to look away even if I’d wanted to. The fear I’d felt earlier from Galadriel’s warning paled in comparison to the promise in Aragorn’s voice. That uneasiness kept battering at me, trying to break through the wall of safety and warmth I felt in his arms. 

“I want to.” I finally said, pausing a beat before continuing. “I want to choose you.”

“But you’re afraid.” It wasn’t a question, but an affirmation. I dropped my eyes now, fingers toying with the collar of his shirt. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart beneath the fabric and slid my palm over his chest. I let the steady rhythm anchor me and nodded. 

“I am too.”

I lifted my head, eyebrows furrowed in surprise. “You are?”

“Of course I am. Wouldn’t I be foolish not to be?” he asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I can’t tell you what happens next…where this road leads, if it ever ends. But I can tell you that the way I feel about you is sure and steady. I am not a man who throws caution to the wind, but I’ll take my chances if it means I get you.”

I felt my chest swell, for a moment finding myself totally and completely speechless. I’d faced goblins, orcs, trolls…all of that was nothing to the fear I felt at loving someone and having them love me in return. The way he was looking at me, though…it promised good things. It promised safety and happiness when our days would allow it, night without loneliness and words of comfort when the thought of another day felt like it might ruin me.

And I knew I would’ve been a fool to let fear fence me in for the rest of my life.

“Will you take that chance?” he prompted me, his tone patient and understanding and I knew he would’ve wait a week, a month, a year for my answer. 

I was tired of waiting though. “I will.”

The smile that spread across his face was all the confirmation I need that this was right. The two of us, together. 

He leaned in and kissed me again, this time without hesitation. Flames flickered to life low in my stomach, spreading heat through my entire body. I pushed my hands up the front of his shirt and he shuddered at my touch, making me smile against his mouth. The hard muscles of his stomach rippled under his skin, my fingers trailing a path up to his chest and memorizing every raised scar that marked him.

“You’re doing a lousy job at teaching me to shoot a bow,” I teased him and a laugh rumbled low in his chest.

“Let’s be glad you’re such a lousy shot, or might never have gotten the courage to stand that close to you,” he said back, nudging my nose gently with his. “Besides, there’s plenty of time for that later. For right now, I can think of a dozen other things I’d rather show you.” His voice was low and husky and made my stomach dip.

The bow and quiver of arrows lay forgotten on the forest floor and all I could do was remember how to breathe as Aragon made me forget everything else too at least for a little while.

[r0rorowurboat]

all of them

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

the first time i watched moulin rouge i hated it? mainly because my sisters loved it and i refused to like things they liked, but now i love it haha

2: Talk about your first kiss.

oh god. it was horrible. we were both really overthinking it and were super nervous. It was so awkward. We literally just pressed our closed mouths together and were like “is this how you do it?” and then one of my friends had to show us how. 

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

nah man not right now

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

accepting that money lol

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

best birthday i had was a surprise party! it was the only party ive ever and and it was from a really good friend at the time who ive now grown apart from. it was super sweet 

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

ummmmm ive had some really bad birthdays lol i guess the one after my dad re-married and i had it at his house and his wife made me cry

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

mmmmmmmmmmmm my personality being annoying and cold and distant and also my eyes looking like my fathers and my bingo wing arms lmao

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

im proud of my art sometimes! but most of all im pretty proud of myself for overcoming my mutism and telling my family on christman

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

im okay with my nose. also my eye color i like? and ive grown to like my hair. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

HAHAHAH screaming at my father in the target parking lot the day after my cat died

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

ummmmmm probably the ones ive been having recently about meeting all the server people? i usually have pretty bad dreams haha

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

hahahahahahahahaha um it involved s/a

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

thats a bit tmi isnt it? it was alright.

14: Talk about a vacation.

i went to st. augustine with my grandmothers and that was really nice! I had a pretty great time. Also the time i went to disney world with my nephews was super fun,

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

hmmmm probably last year when i was in therapy and had a job and a few close friends that i hung out with a lot.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

okay so it was this guys birthday party and a group of like 15 people played coh and then all swam and i shoved pizza in someones pants and then got someone else to eat it

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

*stares wistfully at the server people i dont actively speak to with a single tear streaming down my cheek* one day when i figure out how to start conversations

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

um! this TA became really close to me and helped me get my IEP and looked out for me and every now and then i would just hang out in his office in the teachers lounge with him when i was having anxiety in class and he let me decorate it and put a sign on the door that said “Rachels Office”

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

ehhhhh ummm i got to help make a mural with the art club!

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

in high school i used to hang out with friends after school every day which was nice! I also made a lot of good friends that i still adore now

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

:/ he was a dickwad and i was not nice about it. I had told him repeatedly that i couldnt stand him and he didnt get the message so when he asked me out i told him no and when he asked why i spelled out everything i hated about him

22: Talk about your worst fear.

hahahahahaha nope thats not something we’re gonna talk about

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it was all gucci. we agreed on getting some distance for a bit and now we’re pretty good friends

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

“You’re talented and I want to make sure everyone sees that.” my mom said that after looking at my art and i started crying i was so happy haha it was the first time she had ever said that about my art.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

she was ehhhhhh really icky. she couldn’t accept when she was wrong and she was very selfish. She kind of put me down a lot and it was sort of a situation of “if i hadnt met you when i was really young we wouldn’t be friends” and it turned very toxic. 

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

complain. a lot. make soup. get very affectionate and gushy too. sleep a lot.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

usually eyes or hair! 

28: Talk about your fetishes.

hahahahahah ummmm tattoos are really nice

29: Talk about what turns you on.

hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaa

30: Talk about what turns you off.

feet. also, bad attitudes. entitlement. 

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i think its like sleep. or many its moving on. maybe its reincarnation. idk. nobody does and i accept that.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

Lexington, Kentucky! The cul-de-sac we lived on and Isabelle and the park we used to walk to behind the school. Snow mans and getting hit in the face by a snowball. The fireplace and coloring books. My grandma’s bedroom and the picture frames on the windowsill.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I cry? lol. um. I try to talk about it with people or draw because thats healthier than my old habits ha

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

tearing a ligament in my knee. it still hurts sometimes to this day haha ive got a bum knee now.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

biting my nails, talking to my abuser, shutting myself inside, lapsing into my old habits, ignoring texts… hahaha

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

um hm okay stupid disney channel original movies are one. with the bad acting and predictable plot lines. those. idk they just cheer me up sometimes

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

mmmmmmm no thanks im good haha

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Any Sam Smith song reminds me of Ashley 

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

I wish I had known earlier about a lot of things. My sexuality. My goals. My priorities. Coping mechanisms. Results of certain relationships and actions. yeah, those.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

Endings are always kind of sad, aren’t they? Ahhhh ummm my last day in Naples was the end of a lot for me. The end of seeing a lot of people who matter a lot to me. The end of dependence on my mother. The end of a job. The end of a lot. HAha. I cried for about 6 hours that day.