#when i feed him he literally runs in circles around my legs like 5 times before sitting down

[3-aem]

I agree with last anon, please talk about your kitty more :3 and just you in general! I love seeing artists yap about anything and nothin. I think it helps people remember that y'all are human and not just some pretty picture producing machine (love your art btw!!)

i love when i got my cat they were like careful hes gonna get huge and i was like nah hes not that big-

until i saw another cat in the wild and went holy crap so tiny….

he truly is my gojo cat

[alreadyblondenow]

Jaehyun’s Body | Jung Jaehyun

▸ Jaehyun x reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Demon Jaehyun, Prostitute reader ▸ HALLOWEEN SERIES: 127 HOUSE ▸ 5/5 for NEOHALLOWEEN writing festival hosted by @nct-writers​

Summary: Jaehyun is a demon who uses girls to make him stay handsome. He eats girls… literally. Then he met you and he can’t eat you because he’s in love with you.

Word count: 7K

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, a lot of killings, mentions of killings, Blood, lots and lots of blood, killings again, then another killings, eating of human flesh, filthy (I’m telling you), all kinds of sex, swearing, abduction, mentions of eating children but he stopped don’t worry, pregnancy, murder, attempted murder, suicide (?), prostitution, mentions of sex club, depression, mentions of therapy, mentions of cheating

A/N: Pure fiction, we all know that Jaehyun doesn’t need girls to make him handsome. I made this filthier than ever because it’s my last fic for 127 House. I made a timestamp for this as a bonus preview so if you already read it, yay. Inspired by the movie Jennifer’s Body and Pretty Woman. I changed the ending last minute I hope you wont hate me. Also, I’m sure a lot of you want to read more Jaehyun eating girls, literally, in action. So I will just make another timestamp for that in the next few days. 

Taglist: For the last time, if I happen to forget you I’m so sorry :( @chocolattees @floweringtheflowers @huangxx @bumblebeenct @neosculptures @kooksfairyfloss @jaehyunoos @soothingjae @plump-peach @neospirited @jeongyoonohs @shanghai-lu @seriousballoon @sunshinedhyuck  @the-universe-in-you-jjh  @mira-winterlight @generantionct @mal-nakamoto23 @svteencarat​ @johnjaespeach​ @jinsonaz​ @hyuckshoe69 

Halloween present time 

“Mom, can you tell me the story about the monster who eats humans just so he can look like one too?” your nine-year-old daughter snuggles beside you on a Halloween night, tired from trick or treating and already sleepy.  

“Just because it’s Halloween” you boop her nose and kept her close to you, stroking her head and making her comfortable. 

“Once upon a time, there were five teenagers who want to make a deal with the devil. The clueless teenagers did not know that what they were doing was wrong. Meaning, wrong methods, wrong sacrifice. 

Given that they don’t know what they were doing, they singlehandedly or accidentally brought a creature into this world. The bothered creature that was summoned ate the teenagers as the creature was so confused, why was he bothered in his own torture cell in hell? 

It starved for days, lost in a world that’s not familiar to him. He fed himself with every human who crosses paths with him, men, women, and children. Until it finally knew that eating humans can make him look just like them. 

The creature adapted in this world, living like a normal human and walking amongst us, still not knowing how to go home. “

Halloween many many many years ago 

“And that creature is me. Happy Halloween class, enjoy the night” Jaehyun finishes his story in front of his class. Watching every student laugh and shrug his ‘scary’ story for Halloween. They thought he was joking, and that was the fun part Jaehyun thought. 

“See you on our next session Mr. Jung” a flirty young girl waved goodbye to him, smiling like she wanted to get on her knees and suck Jaehyun's cock right then and there. 

“Enjoy Halloween” he winked back at her and proceed to fix his things and leave the classroom. 

It was exactly a decade ago when those stupid teenagers brought him to this world. He didn’t have much of a choice but to live like a normal human to save himself. Feed from their flesh, kill every two weeks and get on with life as if nothing gruesome happened inside his house. 

Jaehyun targets girls, women in their early twenties or older. He stopped eating children only because the effect on him does not stay for long. Whereas, eating older people can last two weeks max. Luring girls was never hard for Jaehyun because he’s naturally handsome, but without human flesh, he returns to the disgusting creature he used to be. 

Tinder is his go-to restaurant. A little swipe right over here, a swipe right over there, and voila! He now has a tasty dinner and for Halloween night, perfect to celebrate his existence here in this world.

As part of his adaptation in this world, he learned how to cook human meals for his victims. Feeding them good food before he eats them. In the middle of cooking in his big kitchen, his doorbell rang assuming that it’s his food that just arrived. He opened his door with a smile, welcoming the young lady inside his beautiful house, smelling her for some time during the hug. Delicious, he thought. 

“Wow. Your house is big” the clueless girl exclaims. It’s always the same, every girl who steps inside his house is always amazed at how beautiful 127 House is. It’s white interior always captures the ladies’ hearts and leave them in awe. 

“I hope you’re hungry. I made dinner for us” he gave the girl a flirty smile, flashing those cute dimples of his that always make the girls smile. 

During dinner, Jaehyun can’t rush his meal and get on with the kill already. He is patient and takes time to know what he’s about to eat. He asks a lot of questions to gain the girl’s trust and fool her that Jaehyun is actually into her. “Do you do drugs?” the most important question for the night. Jaehyun hates eating humans who do drugs because it has a side effect on him as if his body can’t handle the drugs itself that it makes him weak on the spot. So much for being a creature from hell. 

“No, I don’t do drugs. Do you?” the girl answered with wide eyes. 

“No no. I’m clean” he smiled and put his hand on the girl’s thigh. Slowly caressing it until Jaehyun reaches her damped panties. “Can you open your legs for me?” Jaehyun’s irresistible request made the girl open her legs a little wider under the table. Rolling her head side to side as she feels Jaehyun’s cold fingers brushing on her clothed clit. 

It’s time, Jaehyun thought. Dinner is served. 

He pushed the plates away, glasses clinking, utensils started to fall from the table. Jaehyun carried her and put her on the dinner table, kissing her wildly to put the girl in the mood and make her horny. It always works. While he’s busy kissing her, his hands slowly remove her panties and spread her legs a little rough and push her on the dinner table. 

“We really doing this here?” the girl asks. 

“This is the perfect place to eat you” 

The girl smiles and felt excited because a handsome man like Jaehyun is about to eat her pussy. Little did she know, that Jaehyun will quite do it literally. He planted kisses on her inner thighs, making the girl moan and tickle her in the meantime. Jaehyun runs a finger on her slit and make her legs shiver, licking his finger as if he’s having a taste of his dinner. 

“Eat me already” she protests. Jaehyun chuckled low and puts two fingers inside her before he makes a move. 

Jaehyun’s first lick from her pussy makes his head turn and breathe heavily for the girl he’s about to eat tonight tastes delicious. He licks and licks the girl, not listening to her moaning, not minding if she’s calling his name. The way he licked the girl was like he was having ice cream on a hot summer, sucking her arousal and putting pressure on her clit. Unaware of what’s happening to the girl, he didn’t care if she already came and overstimulated. Jaehyun continued licking his dinner even though the girl is pushing him already, but still having the time of her life. 

She then felt Jaehyun bite her clit and made her shout a little too loud that her voice echoed around 127 House. She propped her shoulder and saw Jaehyun’s eyes turned plain black. He smiled at her making the girl shout in horror and shout for her life but Jaehyun’s tongue is making her cum again for the second time tonight, harder than the first one she had. 

And that’s Jaehyun’s cue to eat her. Bit her off. Letting her blood pool around his dinner table. He ate her flesh by flesh, sipping every drop of her blood, chewing all her intestines, licking the flavor off her skin like an animal. He can feel himself glow as he continues to eat her. 

Pouring himself a glass of his favorite wine, he looks at his reflection through the goblet and admires his handsomeness. Skin clearer as ever, eyes without dark circles, firm ass. He smiled to himself as he feels much more alive and young now. Jaehyun went back to the dead body on his table, kissing the girl on the cheek and thanking her for making him handsome.  

That is Jaehyun’s life for the past decade. Murder to survive, eat humans, earn money, and repeat it. No thrill. Even getting caught is no fun for him because he can easily eat the witness. But living in this world full of emotions and Jaehyun is indeed a curious demon, he wanted to try to fall in love. Maybe he wants it because he’s been eating girls who are desperate for love and that’s making him desperate too. You see when he eats humans, he eats their emotions too and in that way, he learned feeling things. Anger, fear, happiness. All kinds. 

Three weeks after Halloween, he found this one of a kind service that he’s very much interested in. Just like every other human who likes their food clean, Jaehyun likes his human clean too. 

We offer house services just contact us and book someone you prefer. We guarantee clean and respectful girls....

Reading the brochure of that sex club who offers special services is like reading a menu in an expensive restaurant. Maybe it’s time to give up Tinder, stop ordering cheap food, and start feeding on expensive ones.

Just in time for his feeding again, the university kept him busy and so he did not have time to eat and settle for human food instead. That’s why he looks awful now. His hair is starting to fall out, his fair skin has acne, dark circles under his eyes, some of his toenails are falling off. He’s becoming weak, and he needs to eat soon.

“Y/n honey, you have a schedule for tonight. A big spender this one.... huh. He paid an overnight promo and even gave you a tip. Wow he’s rich” 

As you listen more of the details from the lady at the front desks, you thanked the man mentally who gave you a generous tip that will go straight to your savings, rent, and water bill. Not that you love this job of yours, but you’re excited to meet the big spender and treat him well just so he can get his money’s worth.

While you were drying your hair, you heard your phone ding and it was from your client whom you look forward to meeting. “I’ll send an uber from your house to mine. See you later” it was a bit cold but usually, your clients will just send you the address and it’s your duty not to be late for the appointment. You smiled because he seems so thoughtful and a real gentleman, you became more excited about meeting him and looking forward to the sex.

When the uber driver dropped you off in front of a big white house, you thought that maybe it was a mistake that your date must have pinned the wrong address. You rang the doorbell just to make things sure. Asking never killed anybody. You wait for someone to open the door to you, biting your lower lip while scanning the outside of the beautiful house. 

“You must be Y/n” the man who opened the door said. Well, that makes things official. You’re in the right place. 

“Yes...uhh, sir Yoonoh?” his weak state is bothering you. He doesn’t look like he can fuck at all.

“Please call me Jaehyun. Yoonoh is my alias. Come in” 

The handsome man welcomes you warmly in his home, taking your coat and putting it in a cabinet near his door. He looks handsome but exhausted, coughing a little as he closes the cabinet door. “Are you okay? You look sick” you blurted out and your first words made the man smile. Different. You’re different. You don’t care how big the house is he thought, the first thing you did is care about him. “I’m fine. The weather has been affecting me lately but, I’m good. I hope you’re hungry, I made early dinner” He gave you a weak smile and coughed again. 

This customer of yours continues to surprise you. First the uber ride and now the early dinner. For the first time in your life, this wretched job doesn’t feel like a job at all. Jaehyun here made you feel like you’re here for a date and not just to fuck the whole night. You follow him to the kitchen to help him get the meals that he prepared for both of you. As much as you’re amazed by his cooking skills, you are more amazed by how he managed to cook a decent meal even though he’s weak. 

Jaehyun started small talk, as usual. Asking you questions before he kills you and making sure you don’t do drugs even though it’s stated clearly that the sex club has clean girls. He made you comfortable the whole dinner time and made sure you enjoy what he cooked for you. 

“What do you do outside this job of yours?” Jaehyun asked, cutting a piece of steak as he waits for your answer. 

“Nothing. I’m lifeless” you joked, “I take care of myself and save as much as I can so I can have a clean start, which reminds me thank you for the generous tip” 

When the air was finally dead, he put his hand on your knee, caress it softly until his hand reaches your upper thigh. You felt his hand shaking like he’s shivering but he’s not telling you. It seems like he’s forcing himself to push through having sex just so his money doesn’t go to waste. But you can’t let him. The man is obviously weak and sick, he will not enjoy the pleasure and his money’s worth. 

To his surprise, you cup his face and shook your head ‘no’. “We don’t have to do this today. We’ll end up being sick together on the next day, want that to happen?” he shook his head to answer your question, “I promise I won't tell the club and I will find a way for you to get what you paid for. The dinner is delicious by the way what herbs did you put here?” 

So much care for someone who kills to survive. He doesn't deserve any of your kindness. The demon is completely moved. When you were the one who initiated the small talk, Jaehyun realized how he loved sharing things that he does. Like how he likes his steak perfectly well done, he likes his alcohol old and cold, even told you that listening to Chet Baker while drinking wine is his favorite thing in the world. Talking too much about himself was never his thing when it comes to talking to his victims. Then he realized maybe you’re not one of them, that maybe for the first time he had a visitor comforting him instead of making him full. 

You were the first person who listened to him. His first friend.

Talking and sharing personal stuff with one of your clients was a big ‘no’ for you. But there’s something about Jaehyun that makes you feel that your secrets are safe with him, even though all you knew about him is his love for music and wine. As the night goes deeper, you two are still talking about random stuff and laughing loudly whenever something funny came up. It was nice. You caught yourself resting your head on his weak shoulders and loved his warmth. Hearing his soft voice near your ear is almost addicting even though he sounded weak. And seeing his smile up close and poking his dimples whenever you want to is a different kind of privilege. The night went on until you fall asleep on his shoulders, unconsciously hugging him like a teddy bear and putting your leg on top of his like you’ve known each other for so long.  

He was thinking deeply if he’s going to eat you or not. You are juicy for his taste, like a turkey on Thanksgiving. He removed some of your hair from your face, patting and caressing your head so he knows you’re in deep sleep. Carefully, he reached for your hand and played with your fingers, smelling it and still thinking it through. He put your pointer finger in his mouth, sucking it like a lollipop and tasting your flavor through your skin. You taste so good that his eyes turned into his demon eyes and his demon tongue is ready to taste more of you. But you smiled through the feeling of his tongue swirling around your finger and came closer to him. Unconsciously and still sleeping soundly.

He remembers how your kindness moved him, and how he felt important for the first time in his whole existence. Jaehyun shook his head and stopped attempting to eat you, wiped your fingers, and intertwined his fingers with yours instead. It’s weird how he’s so hungry but he can’t seem to kill you. 

To survive, Jaehyun went to the nearest bar and lured a hooker whom he killed in the back of his house. It was his first time killing quietly in his premisses, careful not to wake you up. Even though the human that he just ate doesn’t taste good, well, he just had to look presentable in your eyes the next morning.

When you wake up, you almost jumped out of bed because you thought you were in bed with a total stranger but turns out it was just Jaehyun. His skin is glowing under the morning sunlight, his cute snores make you smile, fucking pink lips begging to be kissed or it’s you who’s begging to be kissed… you smiled and brushed his hair away, accidentally waking the handsome man. 

“Morning” he murmured, pulling you for a hug and closing his eyes again but he was smiling. 

Even his breath smell nice, “feeling okay now?” you asked softly, not ruining the peaceful morning and nervously smiling brightly because the butterflies in your tummy won’t stop flapping their wings. 

“Yes. All thanks to you” he opened his eyes and admired your beauty. He can feel his heart thumping. “I think I owe you something” he kissed your lips passionately and pull your body above him making you put both your legs on his sides. He never left your lips as his hands roam on your sides requesting to remove your dress. With one swift move, you’re on top of the handsome man with your matching lacy underwear, bodies grinding on each other, moaning deliciously, and about to have morning sex. “I’ve seen a lot of naked girls before but none of them made me horny like you do” you giggle at what he said, if every client you had is like Jaehyun, you don’t mind staying on this wretched job forever. 

It’s not that Jaehyun is a virgin. This is just his first time having sex without killing the one he’s fucking. Watching you cum above and underneath him without going in for the kill was satisfying and almost addicting. Not to mention that your walls feel amazing around his cock. Warm and tight that he never wants to pull out from you. 

You, on the other hand, is so surprised by how Jaehyun is so great in bed like he was craving sex. Every lustful thrust he gives makes you gasp and it just takes your breath away. The way he held your leg up, fuck you deep that you’re skin to skin, makes you claw his back and grip the sheets so tightly that you hurt your hand. He never slowed down but he was not rough enough, he was making you feel good the whole fucking time that you made sounds you never thought you’re capable of. On top of that, his sweet words are making you feel things. 

After the most amazing sex you both have in your entire life, he can’t let go of you even just for a second. He’s glued to your body while you make him breakfast, “Can I see you more in my clothes?” he whispered behind your ear, hands resting on the side of your waist while he distracts you with his kisses, blowing cold air on your nape to tickle you and make you giggle. 

And when it’s time to go, he was begging you with all his might to stay. “I have to work, Jae” it’s true. And being with Jaehyun made you forget that you’re here for work, he completely changed that. If it wasn’t for your work you will give in and stay. 

“Okay, okay. I understand. Have dinner with me this weekend? I’ll cook for you again, I’ll make it up to you” to be honest, he was afraid you might not come back here.

“Mhmm. I’d love to” you left a soft kiss on his cheek and opened his door. You are the first person who steps inside his house that comes out alive and well. 

As you leave Jaehyun in his house, he was quick to call the sex club again and book you for tonight. The service was really expensive but as he talks to the person in charge of your schedule, you were worth every dime of his hard earned money from the university.

Happy about how your schedule with Jaehyun went, and happy that you met him, your friend from the front desks informed you of your new client for tonight and you screamed because of too much happiness when he used his real name to book you.

When you got home to prepare for yet another night with Jaehyun, you’ve never been so excited about meeting a client for the second time around. Thinking about how his lips travel in between the valley of your boobs the other night, that sweet handsome smile whenever he catches you looking at him, the way he makes your heart flutter during breakfast with his sweet words. This is definitely a good start to give love a chance and you’re stupid if you let something like this slip from your hands.

When the most awaited time finally came, Jaehyun was over the moon and blushing like crazy when he saw you again at his doorstep. This time, it’s not food he sees but a woman who will love him and will change his life. And if you used to smell so tasty and delicious for Jaehyun well now, you smell like love and new beginnings for him. You were the epitome of change, stepping into his house and in his whole life. 

Your second night together was a hundred times better than the first even if it’s storming like crazy outside. It’s like going on an indoor date with Jaehyun, eating a delicious dinner, and drinking good wine together. Rather than having sex the whole evening, you and Jaehyun spend the night cuddling on his huge couch. Talking about life under a cozy blanket that he owns, creating your own special warmth.

“What if you became broke because of me?” you asked and snuggled closely. 

“Hmm. Well, then I just have to work more. Get five jobs” he joked but he sounded serious. 

“My job will be a great problem if we continue this. I don’t want to hurt you-“ 

“Hey, no one is hurting anyone. I respect your line of work and I understand the reason why you’re doing it. Until then I just have to wait for you just like the other guys. I have long patience, it’s not a problem” Jaehyun says and boops your nose.

And that is the start of your new life with Jaehyun. Your life is all about him and he is all about you. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. Jaehyun is still in love with the same woman who rang his doorbell and cared for him for the first time in his life. After a few months of looking for a job that does not include having sex with different men, you finally left the club and go home to Jaehyun every day. 

Peaceful and quiet mornings are now replaced by Jaehyun’s disturbing kisses while you make him coffee. Leaving each other for work during the morning has been your daily struggle. But the promise of seeing each other at the end of the day is something so hard but worth it in the end.

Slowly, you changed each other’s lives. Loving each other deeply more and more, trying new things together, and loving life even when it’s incredibly tough sometimes. It was more than just flirting with each other, going on dates, and having a lot of sex.  

Saying that he’s in love with you and showing it every day is still not enough for Jaehyun to prove you his love. He loves you so much that for the first time in his life he doesn’t want to go back to where he came from anymore. He wants to stay here with you. Live happily, marry you someday, have kids, and be with you until your dying breath. 

“Why do you want so many kids?” you asked, drawing small circles on his toned chest while his right arm is securely wrapped around you.

“Kids are great especially when we are the ones who made them. Don’t you think?” He reached for your lips and kissed you. 

“Promise me you’ll be a great dad. And you will never leave me or- or our future children alone. You’re a great man Jaehyun and my heart will break in a million pieces if you hurt me too like my dad” you were so full of emotions. You remember how your father left you and your family and it made your mother suffer. Jaehyun was quiet and he listened to you. Your feelings were so important to him so he did not dare interrupt and waited for you to finish. 

“We will be happy, I promise. Watch me love you every day and fulfill all my promises to you”

The problem is... he can't tell you the truth about himself. Jaehyun is scared to the bone that you might not accept him. The truth about him is never easy to accept and he doesn’t want to give you that burden. Having a demon eating humans to survive is something unacceptable even when love is already involved. But he has faith in you. Someday, maybe he will be brave enough to tell you. But not now. 

Dating you made his feeding a little hard because it’s basically cheating. He loves you so much that he despises being a demon and eating humans just to stay alive. Sometimes, he starves himself that he trie so hard to live on raw meat but it only lasts a few hours and it frustrates him greatly. He doesn’t want to meet other girls anymore and pretend that he’s interested in them, he wanted so bad to stop using Tinder. But he can’t. You don’t deserve a demon like him but he loves you and he’s sorry. 

Even though you don’t know anything about Jaehyun’s real being, he never hurt you like one of your exes and he’s much a greater man than all of those jerks combined. He is the only man you see your future with, growing old together, having coffee on your porch, racking your chairs, and hopefully die together. Your heart can’t take it if Jaehyun dies before you. That’s how much you love him. 

Four years ago

After a tiring day at the office, you’re so thankful that your house is quiet and peaceful, away from the noise of the city. You went straight to the bathroom, prepared the tub, and treat yourself to a nice warm bath with a glass of wine on the side. 

“Y/n, you home?” Jaehyun put his keys on the table next to the entrance and removed his coat. He just came back from burying the bones of the three girls he just ate at the back of 127 House. Tricked them into having a foursome but even before they could remove their clothes, Jaehyun killed them already and ate them all until their bones are clean and easy to bury.

“In here” you shout while you put more bubbles in the tub. Jaehyun soon appeared and leaned on the bathroom door. “I just got home from work baby, hows the university?” you invited him inside and he greets you with a kiss on the cheek and proceeds to strip in front of you. For a university teacher, your boyfriend sure does look so hot. 

“Nothing special. Students flirting with me, then I fail them” he giggles and joins you in the tub. Sitting behind you and pulling you against his strong chest. He plays with your wedding ring and intertwines his fingers with yours. Home is where Jaehyun is. He is the best thing about this house, coming home to him and enjoy this little world. 

It was a silent moment for the two of you but you can hear him thanking you for staying in his life. Jaehyun’s eyes screams ‘i love you’ whenever he’s quiet and smirking liking this. 

“Why are you always like that. You know you can always say it. Three words Jae, I love you. Were married already and you never said it to me-“ 

“But I always show it to you” he giggles and puts bubbles on top of your head and your cheeks, laughing because you look funny. “You will get sick of me if I start telling you those words. That’s why I show you instead. Those are powerful words Y/n, I’m saving it. Trust me, once I told you those words, you will fall in love with me. Again” he winked at you and you rolled your eyes at him. Facing him completely to clean him up.

“Do you fall in love with me over and over again whenever I tell you, I love you?” you asked. Looking in his eyes and brushing your wet lips on his. Touching. But not kissing. You can feel your boyfriend’s heartbeat so fast as you wait for his answer. 

“Every time. Like you just walked into this house for the first time again” he smiled and flashed those cute dimples of his and kissed you down the tub until the water overflows and the candles are one by one dying because of the waters splashing.  

Two years of happily dating through ups and downs. And two years of being happily married and you still don’t know what you did to deserve someone like Jaehyun. He’s beyond perfect. Like someone made him as a character in a book and poof he became real and find his way to you. “I love you” you whisper. And even though you won’t get a response, you know that Jaehyun does love you too. 

One day, your boss made you left work early because he wanted you to go overtime the next day. So you did. You wanted to surprise your husband with his favorite take-out and spend a nice dinner with him. When you arrived in his driveway, you see his car badly parked on his huge lawn. You made your way quietly inside the house and went straight to the kitchen to put the food on the counter. 

You heard continuous thumps upstairs, not quite sure from which room. As you walked towards the stairs, you heard another thump followed by a high pitched moan and, “Jaehyun! Don’t stop!” then another thump. At first, you didn’t want to walk further closer to the room where you believe Jaehyun is fucking someone because you didn’t want to see it. But you are his wife and you have every right to call him out even though it hurts you so much knowing that Jaehyun is capable of cheating. You can’t believe it. 

As you peek at the door from his study room, you watch Jaehyun eat a girl’s pussy on his table. She looked young. Younger than you and maybe that’s why he cheated. The girl is very much overstimulated and can’t stay put so Jaehyun roughly holds her down while keeping her legs open. You watch Jaehyun hold her so harshly and wonder if your husband has always been into rough sex, “ouch!” she says loudly. 

Jaehyun stopped licking her and proceeds to kiss her neck. At this point, you don’t know why you’re still watching your husband cheat when everything is all clear. 

“FUCK!!!!!” 

Hearing the girl scream like that made you stop from shouting and calling your husband a cheater. Because, lo and behold you witnessed your husband murder her. Biting her by the neck and choking her down so her body won't slip off his table. You gasped sharply when you saw Jaehyun ripped her stomach and reach in for her intestines. Covering your mouth with both of your hands as you can’t believe what you were watching. You would rather face the problem of your husband cheating on you, but murder? Devilry? Seeing him became a creature eating a human felt like you’re watching a horror movie and made you think that you don’t know Jaehyun anymore. Or did you ever? 

As you watch him eat her and be scared for your life, you notice that Jaehyun’s face is slowly changing… “This can’t be” you murmured and fainted hitting your head first, making Jaehyun turn around with shock. Jaehyun didn’t know what to do. Usually, he eats the witness too but this time he can’t. Of course, he can’t eat you. 

 Every bit of the truth was too much for you. Even when you know that he is sincere with everything that he says to you about his true being. 

You married a demon. How can Jaehyun expect you to accept this? 

“Well, what did you want me to tell you? ‘I’m a demon and I eat humans to survive?’ I’m telling you now and you won't even look at me” Jaehyun was so frustrated already. It’s been a week since he told you the truth and to be honest he doesn’t know what you want him to do or to hear from him.  

“It hurts me to see you all scared and disgusted to me, baby. I'm not forcing you to be with me and stay- but fuck I’m still Jaehyun. My feelings for you are true and my love for you is undying. Please don’t do this to us and don’t do this to yourself. You can leave, but please think about our years together” he kissed you on your temple and noticed that your grip on the knife is so tight that your hand is already shaking. Tears fall down your cheeks and you don’t know what it's made of. Was it because you’re scared? Heartbroken? Or confused because you don’t know what to do. 

You love him but you’re scared. And that thought alone can make your knees weak and your mind go crazy. 

Since you knew about the truth, your marriage went downhill and the house became cold and unwelcoming. A once fire burning relationship is now cold as ice. You decided to leave Jaehyun even when you made a promise to him. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. 

For you, leaving was a mixture of loneliness, heartbreak, and disappointment. But for Jaehyun, he was lost, miserable, and incomplete. He wanted to starve himself and never eat humans from now on but he still wants to live for you. Hope and wait for you to come back in his life. 

After leaving Jaehyun, you took care of yourself and went to therapy. But a few days after, you found out that you’re pregnant for almost two weeks already and once again you feel cheated in life because you could have had a family of your own and be happy in life. Just how you and Jaehyun planned it to be.   

It’s Halloween tonight and Jaehyun just finished eating. He has no appetite, to be honest, and only ate a pair of arms. Then that’s it. He can’t eat the human further, still weak, and still looked like shit. He’s cleaning the mess he made on the kitchen counter, dumping a half-eaten body in a trash bag, and scrubbing blood off the floor when his doorbell rang and expected trick or treaters. He brought the bowl of candies with him, head towards the door, and opened it with a smile. But his smile was soon gone when he saw you on his doorstep, completely clueless on what to do because he wanted to hug and kiss you but he can’t. 

“I shouldn’t have left you-“ 

Glass and candies shattered on the floor and neither one of you cared. Jaehyun hugged you tightly and apologized over and over again while he showers you with kisses. Smiling so brightly but both of you have heavy tears in your eyes. 

The feeling of entering his house for the first time again after leaving him for only two weeks almost felt like the very first time. “Are you okay? You look sick” you worry for your husband and it made you feel like a shitty wife because you didn’t even consider his feelings. He was struggling too. 

“Welcome home” Jaehyun sobs and pull you inside the house. He kissed you deeply and showed you how much he misses you, lifting you, and bringing you to your shared bedroom with all the strength he has left. 

He removed your clothes and his clothes without leaving your lips which he missed kissing. You kept your eyes closed until you’re ready to open them again because you can’t help but see the demon who’s eating humans to survive. “It’s still me” Jaehyun whispers, kissing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. “Nothings changed, baby. I’m still the Jaehyun who paid the sex club just so I can spend time with you” he waits patiently for you to open your eyes, hoping that makeup sex will somehow fix your marriage again. You wrapped your arms around him when you feel him go in between your legs.

Slowly, you open your eyes and breathe in and out. “I’m pregnant” you whisper back, kissing him softly. He did not say anything but you know that Jaehyun is more than happy to hear the news. 

“Is that why you came back? You want us to be a family?” he smiles and you answer with a quick nod. He kisses your neck all the way to your jaw, down to the valley between your boobs, and ends up in front of your pussy. At first, he was hesitating and kept on kissing your inner thighs but you seem eager, you roll hips continuously waiting for Jaehyun to make a move. 

“Oooohh-” you moan out so deliciously, holding Jaehyun’s head in between your legs, raking his hair and tugging his locks every now and then. Before you even cum he stopped eating you out and went back to your lips. He ate you so good that you can taste yourself through his lips. He lines his cock and watches it disappear as he pushes deep inside you. You gasped and breathed heavily, gripping the sheets more when he starts drawing circles on your clit sinfully. He missed how your walls feel around him, biting his lower lip as he doubles his pace and dive in pleasure head first.  

You reached for Jaehyun’s lips when you hit your high and asked him to, “Slow down. I want to savor you” he giggled and followed your request, kissing you more as he slowly fucks you while you enjoy your high and until he catches his own. He noticed there’s tears in your eyes when he pulled out and asked you, “what’s wrong baby? Talk to me” he kept you close to his tired and weak body, covering you both with the thick duvet and enjoying this special warmth. 

“I’m sorry for distancing myself Jae, I’m sorry for leaving you” He can’t forgive himself hearing you apologize to him when it’s his fault your marriage was ruined. Jaehyun told you that he will stop eating humans until he finds an alternative. And to make things lighter, he thought of baby names until you two fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

The plan worked. 

When Jaehyun was in deep sleep, you went downstairs to get a knife. The sharpest one that can slit his throat in one go and bravely go on with your plan on killing your husband. As you placed the sharp knife on Jaehyun’s throat, it was so sharp that he is cut already and it woke him up. 

Jaehyun opened his eyes and see you holding a knife on his throat, tears falling from your eyes, and obviously hesitating if you’re going to do it. Your husband saw your struggle. The deep shit he put you through. You don’t deserve any of this. If being dead can bring you peace in his life and healing, then so be it.

“It’s okay” he calms you down and holds your wrist, gripping the knife with you. His hand feels cold already. “burn the house and don’t let anyone see you leave here so you won't be accused over anything. I love you and I'm sorry” 

It was the first time you heard those three words from Jaehyun and he was right. You remembered how much you love him like waking up in an awful curse but you’re too late. Jaehyun slit his own throat while still holding the knife with you. 

Regret hit you like a train and all you can do is cry over Jaehyun’s dead body. 

The sun is almost up and you can’t be seen leaving 127 House because there are two dead bodies in this house. You kissed Jaehyun’s corpse and removed his wedding ring from his finger. The only thing that will prove he existed in your life.  

You used the gasoline for the barbecue party scheduled before Christmas, sobbed uncontrollably as you think all the memories you had with Jaehyun. His weak smile during the night you first met him, the first time his lips touched yours, all the plans and dreams you both had, how Jaehyun is always full of life when it comes to planning on having a baby… 

But you killed him. And you’re about to burn the house and all the memories it holds like it’s just an unwanted photograph. After lighting the match, you drove away from the house as far as you can crying while you focus on the road and trying to find your way back to your old apartment. 

As the sun goes up and slowly light up the sky, the image of 127 House burning flashes in front of your eyes and it made you pull over on the side road and take your time to cry. You feel Jaehyun’s cold lips on yours as you imagine his body being eaten by fire. 

Halloween present time 

“But did the demon really died mommy?” your daughter asked. Eager to hear the answer to her question. Until now telling her the story about Jaehyun, without the gory details and sex part of course, still gives you goosebumps. “You never answer my question. You’ve been telling me this story since I was six, I’m nine years old now. Please please please, answer the question” she added. 

“Wow look who we have here” he knocked before coming in, “can I come in princess?” 

“Of course daddy. Mommy, won’t tell me the ending of the demon eating-human” your daughter whines. You and Jaehyun just laughed at her and snuggled all together in her small bed. 

“He didn’t. Now, will you please sleep?” he strokes his daughter’s soft hair, “mommy is tired already and I’m here to get her. Can I?” 

“How can you be so sure he didn’t die?” you and Jaehyun groaned together. 

“Okay. That’s it good night. No more stories. We love you, sleep well okay?” Jaehyun used his fatherly might and stopped his own daughter from bugging you both. She’s quite a handful sometimes. You and Jaehyun gave her a good night kiss and left her to sleep. 

EXPLANATION

Jaehyun got out from the fire because he’s a demon and demons are immune from fire. He is a smart demon (btw he’s a university professor) so he found the reader again and incase you missed it, the reader regrets it because he loves Jaehyun so much. 

Check the comments section for other answered questions. 

Thank you for reading! 

[starrysebastians]

walks of shame [3/5] : dashing through central park

summary : chance encounters in embarrassing circumstances, that might lead to something more. that is, if you manage to find who that stranger is. sebastian stan x reader

word count : 1.4k

* * *

Time flies fast, and soon August will come to an end, which means : pretty orange and red leaves twirling in the wind on their way to the ground, and maybe they're slippery and you'll fall down on your butt, but it's worth it. Autumnal drinks, clothes, pies and movies. It's a nice season to look forward to, but for now, you're happy with the hot weather and the light summer dress you're wearing. It's flowy and it makes you look nice, the silky material and its baby blue color making your tan pop against it. What good is summer if you can't show off your tan? 

You yawn one more time, probably the eleventh time in a whole minute, before making your way to your friend's apartment complex, his key secured in your hand. It's seven in the morning, and the only compensation for waking up so early is the fact that the heat hasn't risen yet, the sun isn't warming up your skin like it does during the day, or rather burning it, and you're grateful someone gave you a purpose for enjoying a quiet summer morning. That purpose comes in the form of a loud and welcoming bark, a tail wagging happily and big brown eyes staring expectantly up at you, tongue out, big breaths being the only thing you can hear in the dark apartment. Some lucky people get to have long and dreamy summer vacations on a tropical island, and your friend is one of them, so you're on dog duty.

A dog duty that takes you all the way to Central Park, leash firmly secured in your hand while you try to be the one who's choosing the path you're currently taking, and certainly not the other way around. Certainly not a big and heavy golden retriever making you jog behind him so you don't get literally dragged in the grass. You reach a nice and vast spot where you can let him run, and you settle on an empty bench, a soft sigh escaping your lips. Maybe you should get a pet, that way you would have a reason to wake up everyday with minimum punctuality, feed them, take them on a walk. Breathe some fresh air. Have a reason to have a precise schedule, a reason to go out and live, to sum up. But that's also too much of a responsibility for you, and here we go again : avoiding problems and confrontations, whether it's with others or with yourself.

But sometimes things happen and you can't just stand here on a bench. There's this thing — a small animal, probably, you can't really make out its form from where you are sitting but you can tell by the way the dog is behaving, that it's not really friendly. Or maybe it is, but Molly — the dog, is being a bit too agressive for a simple game between two nice animals.

So you stand up, slowly, brows furrowed and eyes squinted to try and assess the situation, and while you start quietly walking up towards Molly, stepping on the track you suddenly collide with a body — someone that was running full force, and the impact is so strong that you end up on your butt. More specifically, you started falling backwards, but the person who hit you tried to grab you by the arms, the waist, anything really, to steady you, and long short story, everyone fell. So not only did you end up on your butt, quite painfully, but there's a stranger right on top of you.

"Ow," you groan, while the stranger puts a hand by your ear to prop himself up, enough distance between your faces so that you can see his face. "Oh. Oh — oh my god."

"What the — "

The initial shock of your body hitting the ground wears off, replaced by heat flooding your cheeks. It's him. It's Sebastian, and his facial expression says a lot about his surprise. Eyebrows raised, eyes widened, mouth wide open — god those lips! — and no words willing to come out. And, most importantly, he's lying on top of you. His hips are on yours, one of your legs is caught between his, and his groin is pressed tight against your thigh. Of course this had to happen. Walking a dog can also be a walk of shame. Like he's going through the exact same thoughts, finally realizing the situation, he quickly pushes himself up on a sitting position, still hovering over you to make sure you're alright to get up.

"Shit, shit, shit, I'm sorry. So sorry. Gosh — are you okay?" He's on his knees at your side and puts a hand on your back as you sit up, his other hand outstretched by your arm in case you need to grab it for extra support. "I'm sorry. I had my music on, I was so focused, I'm sorry."

"I get it, you're sorry, I get it," you mutter, holding one painfully throbbing arm against your chest, while he bites on his lower lip, staring at you with worried eyes. "I can't believe this." Your tone is light, nothing indicating that you're mad. It's just laced with sheer incredulity, as you look up at him, disbelief written all over your face.

"We have got to stop meeting like this," he laughs, shaking his head. It's almost in a fond way, and for a second you can still feel him pressed against you, and you're the one who has to shake her head to stop your mind from…. He helps you up, and you both drag your hands up and down your clothes to get rid of the dust, him readjusting the dark thermal t-shirt that's clinging to his muscles — was he always that broad? while you smooth the wrinkles of your dress.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, voice high. And then something clicks inside your brain. "I mean, yeah, you were running. That answers my question. Makes sense."

He gives you that laugh where his head is thrown back and there are those pretty crinkles you love so much and — "What are you doing here? Pretty early for someone who's clearly not going for a run." You almost feel offended at the fact that no one could peg you for the sportive type, given his sentence, but then you notice his gaze lingering on your dress and you get it. When your eyes meet, he's waiting for you to answer and it takes you a full second to recover because he's licking his lips, and you wish you would stop blushing.

"I'm, um, taking care of friend's dog. He's on vacation. So I'm on nanny duty," you say, and suddenly you remember the reason why you left the bench in the first place. Whipping your head around, you see Molly running around in circles, clearly going after something. Situation still under control. Sebastian makes a humming sound and your gaze goes back to him.

"Hey, um, listen. We keep accidentally running into each other ; why don't we, I don't know — "

Situation not under control. There's a sudden yelp cutting his speech and echoing through the  whole park and Molly barks so loud you physically wince, head whipping around, hand on your chest because you jumped out of fright.

"Shit!" Molly clearly decided to run after whatever hurt her and she's dashing through the grass, and in the opposite direction. "Shit, Molly!" You turn to Sebastian, then back to the sprinting dog, already going off your line of sight, then back to Sebastian, in a panicked way. "I have to go. It's — She's running away. Shit. I'm so sorry, shit, sorry, bye!"

Maybe you should actually go for those morning runs, because clearly you're out of shape. By the time you manage to reach Molly, calm her down while removing the sweat on your forehead with the back of your head, stroke her soft fur while whispering sweet words into her hear because she's still hurting, put her leash back on and walk back to the spot you had chosen earlier, he's not there anymore. It probably took fifteen, twenty minutes for you to get back there, still panting, and of course he left. You chest deflates, and you let Molly guide you, because you're too disappointed and bummed out to make decisions right now. If you didn't take a deep breath, there would have been a tear escaping your eye, and it's stupid, really, because it's nothing, but those chance meetings keep happening and it just feels  so good being in his company.

But that's all it is, chance meetings. And three times, that’s a lot, you probably will never get this lucky again.

* * *

tagging : @asteria33

[ehstarwar]

under thy own life’s key (5/7)

They were both mostly silent during the meal, reacting to their friends antics only when prompted. Rey could feel Bens' leg against hers under the table and if she weren’t shoveling food into her mouth, she wouldn’t have been able to resist touching him.

Teasing him, more likely.

-

Ben and Rey engage in a friendly competition to make the day go faster. (And also tease each other until one of them breaks.)

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4K

Read on AO3

Notes: home stretch you guys... this was the hardest chapter to write but also my favorite so far, i think? lemme know what chu think babes. thanks for reading! enjoy (･∀･)

Chapter 5: makes heaven drowsy with the harmony

-

Rey doesn’t feel Ben crawl back into bed that night, but she sure a hell feels him the next morning. He has her in his grasp again, his face buried in her hair and lightly snoring against her neck. His arms hold Rey to his chest, body flush with his and legs shuffled together. 

She also feels him. 

Hot and aching against the cleft of her ass. It takes a minute to realize exactly what she’s feeling, but when the realization crashes over her, her whole body shivers. Rey does her best to turn towards him, eventually having to lift parts of his body to turn fully over. 

“Ben,” She whispers against his neck. Her hands trace the muscles that stretch his shirt in a way that should be illegal. She moves her feet so they rub against his strong calf muscles. 

Ben grumbles something, not opening his eyes, but moving his face down to Rey’s and bumping their noses together. 

“Good morning,” She whispers against his cheek. Ben doesn’t respond, just shifts his face so their lips press together. The kiss is slow and warm, and makes Rey feel better than any kiss ought to. Ben’s hands come around her again, one to hold onto her back and another to kneed the swells of her ass. They make out like that for a good minute, not caring about morning breath or knotty hair, just enjoying the soft intimacy of each other. 

When Reys’ hand trails lower, gently tracing the outline of his morning wood, Bens’ breath hitches. 

“Rey, baby,” His voice is a whine, and that just makes Rey move a little faster. She dips her hand beneath his boxers, finding him so hard that she can only imagine how painful it is. Her hand immodestly goes to work, gliding up and down on his hot skin. Their tongues tangle together, neither of them breaking the kiss for even a moment. She feels Ben clench his muscles wherever she touches him, giving her a rightful sense of power. 

Ben moves his hand to come up from her ass and rub circles on her nipples that are hard and stiff against her sleep shirt. She moans against his mouth, hand moving even faster now. His thumb rubs at one, the calluses evident even over the fabric of her shirt. She wishes he would rip it off like he did to her underwear, toss it far across the room so she could feel his flesh against her.

Ben begins to mumble something against her lips, a warning, she can tell. She just shoves her tongue down his mouth and rubs his head with a little more determination. Ben’s whole body tenses when he comes, cock straining against her hand, overflowing with sticky white come. Ben is breathing so heavy  that Rey works her mouth across his jaw, nipping and licking everywhere let lips land.

His come coats her hand, a little dribbling down onto her thighs and spreading his warmth even further. Rey doesn’t feel the clenching need like she did last night after he came; the need to fall over the edge with him or she was going to die. His orgasm sends a ripple of pleasure though her, but doesn’t claw at her the same way. 

When Ben gets his breath under control, his mouth seeks out Rey’s once more. She still holding him, working out the last possible drop of come into her hands, feeling powerful and satisfied and adored, all in one. 

“REY! BEN! WAKE UP. YOU’LL MISS BREAKFAST!”

Poe’s loud shrill breaks the silence and Rey can’t help but be reminded of last night.

“I’ll kill him,” Ben says. “I will chop his body into tiny pieces and feed him to fish in the lake. I’ll do it.” Ben says with eyes closed. 

“Hux wouldn’t like that very much.”

“Fuck Hux.”

Rey smiles at Ben, watching the way she small stream of sunlight his his hair just right so it looks like a halo. On cue, her stomach rumbles. They both look down at her stomach before looking back up in silent agreement.

“Breakfast, then.” Ben says and Rey nods enthusiastically. “I’ll just… get a towel for you.” Ben gets up and walks into the bathroom quickly.

It dawns on Rey that this is the first time they’ve been sexual in broad daylight, with out the excuse of needing to get off to get to sleep. She doesn’t know why, but it feels like more. Probably because it is more. The made out last night after… everything, and this morning before they even started. Rey tries to think about what this all means, but Ben is back handing her a wet washcloth before her mind can begin to reel. 

She takes it with her clean hand, but when she goes to wipe her other hand, something stops her. She looks down, her palm covered in his now-cool come. She glances down to her thighs, seeing the white blob that landed there earlier still against her tan skin. She feels Ben watching her, so she decided to be bold. 

Rey licks her palm clean; every finger, every crevice, every joint. She sucks off his come before using the rag to clean her of saliva. Ben is still standing at the end of the bed, eyes dark and posture rigid as he watches her.

“I don’t need breakfast.” His words are a growl and Rey is very, very tempted to agree with him.   But another rumble breaks the silence before Rey can say anything, like her body is cockblocking them now.

“I think I do,” She tells him sheepishly. 

-

Breakfast is… an event. To say the least. 

When Ben and Rey finally came up stairs to eat with the rest of their friends, the tension between them had not shifted one bit. It’s like there was a looming force around them, making them move together, reach for the same plate, brush hands whenever possible. They were both mostly silent during the meal, reacting to their friends antics only when prompted. Rey could feel Bens leg against hers under the table and if she weren’t shoveling food into her mouth, she wouldn’t have been able to resist touching him. 

Teasing him, more likely. 

“We have to spend all day outside today, guys. It’s our last day of full sunshine before the storms roll in tonight. If I have to go home without the epic tan I promised my office mates I would have, I’m going to personally send all of you strongly worded messages on insta,” Poe says before popping a blueberry into his mouth. 

“How is that on us?” Kaydel asks, laughing at him. Poe sticks his tongue out at her.

“I don’t have an instagram,” Ben says, slicking up one of the wheat protein pancakes he bought for the trip. The only other person who dared to eat them was Phasma.

“Then I’ll send it to you via raven, Benjamin. Can we all just agree to make the most of today? Pretty please, for the blushing bride?” Poe bats his lashes at everyone and Finn throws a pancake at his face.

While a day lounging in the sun sounds wonderful after the incident yesterday, Rey can’t help but feel a little annoyed. She wants to stay inside. In her room. With her roommate. Preferably making each other come as many times as humanly possible. Maybe they’ll talk about what the hell this is. Maybe they’ll just fuck each other boneless. Rey selflessly prefers the latter.

A shared, exasperated look at Ben tells her that he wants the same thing. 

-

The sun is hot. The drink, once filled with ice, are hot. The damn water is hot. 

But all that heat is nothing compared to what Rey is feeling inside herself. Ben chose the tiniest, most ridiculously short-board shorts, that hug his taut ass just right, show off his perfectly toned long legs, and ride dangerously short on his adonis belt. Rey wants to fucking melt. 

When she’d seen the low blow he pulled when he emerged with that male-equivalent of a thong, she decided pull out the big guns. And by big guns, she means the practically non-existent white bikini that shows off more skin than she’s usually okay with people seeing. 

She thinks the look he gave her when he saw the white fabric bunch up in her ass was enough to get her through the rest of the day relatively smoothly. She was wrong. 

Ben, it seemed, was also up for a challenge. An actual challenge, that is.

“Volleyball?” Rey questions, looking up at him from her sunbathing spot that she’d subtly been flashing her ass towards him. Kaydel, beside her, pipes up.

“Ugh, yes! I haven’t played volleyball since high school!” Jannah, Zorii and Poe seem all equally enthused. Rey wants to slap the smug grin off Bens face. Or kiss it. 

Ben teams up with Zorii, Poe, and Hux (‘the celebrating couple must be on the same team.’) leaving Rey with Jannah, Kaydel, and Phasma. Rose and Finn were ‘taking a bathroom break’ for the last twenty minutes. 

Ben attached the net that he’d pulled out of god knows where at Kaydel gives Rey tips on playing.

“Weren’t you like, a super gym rat in college?” Kaydel asks when Rey eyes the ball with a tenuous expression.

“I run. And swim. On occasion, I enjoy a good barre class. But my hand-eye coordination is virtually nonexistent. I tried playing baseball once and literally gave the umpire a concussion,” She admits.

“Well, there is no bats in volleyball, so just… be careful.” Kaydel gives he a goodnatured pat on the shoulder before walking off to practice serving. Rey turns to glare at Ben, who still has that smug look which Rey can’t decide if it's off-putting or unbelievably sexy.

“You know I don’t have hand-eye coordination to save my life.”

“Yes I do.”

“So you suggested that we play volleyball because you want to see me make an utter fool of myself.”

“No. I suggested we play volleyball because I found a volleyball net in one of the closets. And because I want to see what your ass looks like when you jump in that… bathing suit.” Ben’s eyes rake down her body. Rey suddenly sees the… potential this particular game has.

  Only when the sun skins below the mountain tops that Rey realizes how long they’ve been playing. Well, how long she and Ben have been playing. Everyone slowly bowed out when they realized this competition was between Ben and Rey and that they each had a single minded victory to beat each other. 

“Guys, we need to head in! The bugs will be coming out soon!” Jannah shouts at them. Ben is detracted enough that Reys’ serve to Ben hits him square in the chest before bouncing off into the water. Rey doubles over in laughter, seeing Ben walk towards her with determination. 

“I swear… I didn’t mean…” Rey can barely talk though her laughter as she tries to justify herself. Suddenly, Rey is lifted from the sand, feeling two strong arms hoist her up. Ben carries her back towards the house, steely expression on his face. 

“I think this means I won?” She taunts, poking him in the chest. She’s rewarded with a low mumble that sounds like ‘no’ and ‘you wish’.

He carries her up to the cabin, only setting her down once there outside the door where her friends laughter drifts towards them. 

“Were going to eat dinner,” He says, the same determined expression still on his face. “Then we’re going to bed.”

“Okay,” Rey breaths. He pulls her inside then, practically dragging her to get her food.

“Are, uh, you guys hungry?” Finn asks as Ben load up both of their plates with militant precision. 

“Yes,” Ben replies, stoically. 

“Lots of volleyball. We’re both starved,” She tosses over her shoulder. Ben sits down at the dining room table and begins shoving food into his mouth like it’ll disappear if he doesn’t.

Rey joins her friends on the couch, trying to be a bit more casual than Ben. Who was now staring at her from across the room. She could feel his gaze all over. 

While Ben finished his monstrous plate in record time, Rey was going at a leisurely pace. Taking time to actually chew her food instead of inhale it. Listening to her friends and laughing at the appropriate places. She could physically feel Ben loose his mind. 

A hard screech across the hardwood floors made everyone turn their heads to stare at Ben.

“I’m going to bed,” He announced, eyes fixated on Rey. He stomped around the group and down the stairs, leaving the door open as a clear invitation to her. 

“The fuck in up with Solo?” Zorii asked. 

“Maybe he got sun poisoning. I mean, his thighs were super white. It’s possible he’s never been exposed to this much direct sunlight in his life.”

“He’s not a vampire, Kaydel. Plus, if he is pale enough to get sick by the sun, don’t you think I’d be sicker?” Hux defending Ben was still the cutest thing to Rey, even if she’d never tell him. 

“Well you and Poe spent enough time canoodling in the shade, so I think you’re safe,” Kaydel retorted, causing everyone to laugh. Soon enough, the conversation drifted from Ben’s unusual state and onto other things decidedly less interesting to Rey.

“I’m going to make sure Ben is alright. I’ll… probably be going to bed too.” Rey stands up quickly, suddenly very driven to get down to Ben as fast as humanly possible. 

“Tell Benjamin that I have plenty of Aloe if he needs it. And that ice baths don’t actually help,” Hux calls after her. She just gives him a thumbs up and closes the door to the stair case. 

By the time Rey makes it to their bedroom door, her heart is pounding in her chest. Would this be the night they talked about whatever the hell is going on between them? Would they pretend like they have every other night that this is normal? Or would Ben sweep her off her feet before she had the door opened all the way and make her forget her own name as he fucked her into the next dimension?

There was only one way to find out.

The door squeaks open and Rey finds Ben frowning down at her suitcase and reorganizing her clothes for her. When he hears her open the door, Ben’s head snaps up and his body is coming towards her within an instant. 

His lips find hers in a bruising hold, hands coming up to hold her head as his mouth pushes against hers. 

“You… took… too… long.” Each word is punctuated by a kiss, his mouth not straying far from hers even to speak. He’s still shirtless, still in his abysmally tiny board shorts and Rey can feel his warm skin pressed against hers. She grips at his chest, runs her hands down his back and across his arms, anything just to feel him. 

Bens’ legs are shoved between hers, pressing his thigh against her as he continues his assault on her mouth.

“You just… gonna stay here… and kiss me all night?” She teases him, voice airy and light. Ben works his mouth down her jaw to her throat, chest, stomach, until he bends down and picks her up by the legs. 

“You’ve got to stop picking me up, Ben!” He deposits her on the bed, standing back now, bathed only in the light coming from the bathroom. She can see his erection in his board shorts, so she traces her foot along the length of him. She sees his jaw work and his neck tense and she’s tempted to just stick a hand down her bottoms right there. 

“Rey,” He catches her foot, holding it in his warm hand, “I need you to tell me that you want this. Not to sleep. Not because you’re frustrated. But because you want this.” His eyes are filled with an intensity that she’s been exposed to quite a bit in the last few days. Her prior experiences with it do nothing to quell the nervous butterflies she gets.

“I want this, Ben. I want you.” 

Ben crouches onto the floor, kissing down her leg. He spreads her apart, mouthing at the juncture between her thighs. He gently takes her swim bottoms off her legs and tosses them away, before delving into her pussy. She’s wet, embarrassingly so, but Ben doesn’t seem to mind. His mouth moves against her, pressing kisses against her folds and on her clit. She tangles her hand into his hair, same as last night, as his tongue licks strips up and down.

She’s mewling for him, bucking her hips until his palm comes around to hold her pelvis down. She clutches his hand where it rest on her skin, and his thumb rubs little circles into her. Her orgasm comes much quicker this time, probably a result of being kept on edge for the entire day. She moans his name as her body vibrates with the intensity, legs crushing his head in the process. If Ben minds, he doesn’t mention it.

He soothes her, pressing light kisses up her cunt, nuzzling the brown thatch of hair between her legs, teasing his tongue up her stomach to come circle her nipples. Somehow, Rey had managed to pull off her bikini top (not that there was much to pull), so she was laid gloriously bare before him. 

When her breathing returns to normal, Ben speaks again.

“Every time you’ve come, you fall asleep right after. I don’t intend on letting you do that tonight.” His voice is deep and menacing and Rey thinks she could come just from the vibrations it makes against her skin.

“What do you plan on doing about that, Solo?” She taunts. 

Suddenly, Rey is being hauled further back on the bed, with Ben coming to lay over her. His mouth is sucking at the skin of her neck, no doubt leaving enormous hickey’s that she’ll have to figure out how to cover tomorrow. 

But that’s Tomorrow Reys’ problem. 

Her hand trails down his torso, feeling his shorts are still on, but his cock crying desperately to get out. When Ben feels her hand on him, he quickly sheds the material, coming right back down to kiss Rey again. She tugs him a little, spreading the precome over his cock to lube him up. Not that he needs it, with the way Rey is dripping. 

“I plan on fucking you so well that you forget what sleep is,” He murmurs against her skin. “That you’ll never be able to sleep again without dreaming of my cock. Of me making you come so hard you forget where we are.”

Rey can only mewl at his words, clawing at him and trying to line him up with her. Ben partially obliges, moving his hips between hers, rubbing the thick head of his cock up and down her pussy. Rey tries to move her hips to force him  in her, but Ben is in control at the moment. 

“Please, Ben, please. I need this… I need you, please…”

He pushes into her slowly, like he’s savoring every moment her tight, wet heat envelopes him. He’s big in her hand but somehow feels even larger inside of her. It’s not painful, he prepped her too well for that, but fulfilling in a way that makes her toes curl. Like she was made for this exact moment for Ben to push into her. When he’s fully seated inside of her, Ben rest his forehead against hers. 

“Rey… fuck. You’re so fuckin… fuck, Rey. You’re prefect. Made for me. Just fucking perfect.” Ben is still inside of her. She’s not sure if its for her to adjust, or for him to control himself. Rey peppers kisses along his jaw, watching his eyes clenched shut and breath through gritted teeth. 

“So good, Ben. You’re so good. You feel perfect too, baby. Just for me.” She hope her words calm him, make it easier for him, but the growl that originates from somewhere deep within his bones makes her think otherwise. 

“I just need… a minute. I wanna make this good for you. Wanna make this last.” His lips are against her neck now, breathing hot breath onto her with every word. “Want to fucking live inside of you, baby.”

It’s another minute before Ben can move. Rey just cards her fingers through his hair, marveling at how his black locks can remain so silky even after a full day of sweat. His hand comes up to her jaw, and cups her face so that he can kiss her deeply, tongue going so far down her throat she thinks she might swallow it. 

His hips begin moving at a snails pace; sharp, shallow thrust that make her breath hitch all the same. He forces her thighs even further apart so that he can get deeper within her, nearly bumping her cervix. 

Ben’s thrust get more sure, move faster and harder. His cock brushes against a bundle of nerves that makes Rey see stars behind her eyes. It doesn’t matter if she’s just come a few minutes ago; she’s going to come again and soon. 

“You gonna come around my cock, baby? You gonna come for me?” Ben asks between kisses.  Rey just seeks out his mouth more, wanting every part of her to be connect with him as much as possible. 

Ben sticks a hand by where their bodies meet, rubbing at her over-sensitive, over-stimulated clit, until Rey is a babbling mess. She feels hot tears of desire prick at her eyes as her hand clutches Ben’s head down to hers.

“‘m gonna come, Ben. Please, I need to come,” She whimpers against him. Ben grunts something unintelligible against her lips, but feels his whole body begin to tense up. 

“Gonna come to, Rey. Gonna come in your perfect little cunt. You want that, you want me to fill you up?” Yes, yes, yes. Rey is beyond words at this point so she hopes the sloppy nodding of her head will give him the answer she’s so desperate to convey. 

When Ben’s thumb catches her clit and his cock brushes against that bundle of nerves inside of her, Rey looses her mind. She sees stars and feels warmth like she’s never known and hears the most beautiful sound in the world. Ben, mumbling her name as he comes and comes. His come feels so good inside of her, a warmth that she never knew she needed until right now. His body is tense as he releases, pressing their hips flush together so hard that she thinks they may never part. She’s okay with that.

Ben sags against her, nearly crushing her with his impressive weight, but Rey loves it. She’ll hold him against her forever if he’ll let her. 

Ben moves his head to kiss her again, softer this time. None of the hurried rush they’d experienced before. He’s still firmly inside of her, keeping his come warm and thick in her. She’s boneless and breathless and has never felt this high on ecstasy in her life. 

Ben’s lips break away from hers and he rest his forehead on hers, looking down at her with so much emotion Rey is not mentally prepared to decipher.

“That was…”

“Yeah.”

“I meant it. Everything I said.”

“Me too.”

They’re silent for a minute, content with just staring at each other. Ben seems to realize that Rey is essentially trapped under him, so he pushes himself up, slowly pulling out of her. The rush of fluids that Rey feels escape her makes the flush in her cheeks deepen. Ben is staring between them now, watching their combined come trickle out of her.

“I probably should’ve asked this before but…” His eyes slowly ascend to hers, “do you take birth control?”

“No,” She shakes her head. Something flashes across Ben’s face that is not the fear she anticipated. “I’m on the shot.”

“Oh.” He looks… disappointed? Maybe not quite sad, but there’s a longing in his gaze that Rey isn’t used to, but thrills her all the same. 

“That was a very good way to keep me from falling asleep,” She says, not nearly prepared to talk about that subject. She doesn’t even know where they stand. 

“Is that your way of telling me you’re ready to actually go to bed now?” Ben’s sheepish demeanor returns and Rey is thankful that he’s on the same page as her. 

“Not if you can think of something even better to keep me awake.”

Bens’ gaze darkens once more, and Rey knows that they’re in for a long night. 

[spn-fic-promts]

Like a girl (5 times Dean felt like a girl + 1 time Sam praised him for it)

TW: Rape/non-con, bullying, depression, self hatred and self harm.

Dean WInchester has always had problems with his body. As with most of his problems they all started when he was 4 and his mom died. Dean had to raise his baby brother with very little help from his father. His father who could hardly look at him. And all because Dean looked too much like a girl. Too much like his mom.

The kids at school commented on it as well. Mostly the other boys making fun of him. He always made better friends with the girls. They loved how long his eyelashes are or how pretty his eyes and freckles were. Meanwhile the boys would call him a girl and tell him he couldn’t do things. When he got older that turned into making him use the girls bathrooms and locker rooms. Or calling him names and saying he was gay.

And at home he had to act like a girl. Well a mom at least. He knew he had to take care of Sammy no matter what. Whether Sam realized it or not. If that meant feeding Sammy and not himself, Dean stayed skinny. If that meant buying Sammy new clothes and not himself, Dean wore Sams hand-me-downs. If that meant keeping johns drunken attention on him and not Sammy, Dean covered the bruises as best he could. If dad needed help on dangerous hunts, Dean was there not Sam. Never Sam.

He had to be the big brother, the dad, and the mom.

Like a girl.

------------------------

When he was 14 his father came home one day drunk. Dean had just finished putting Sammy to bed and was doing the dishes. His father came home to see him acting like a stay at home mom and mistook him for his dead wife. John stumbled over to Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist. His hands nearly connecting over Deans belly.

“Whatta ya doin’ babe?” John slurred in Deans ear.

Dean froze, “I’m doing the dishes dad. Are you ok?”

“Oohho yeah baby I’m fine. Especially now I get to play daddy again. Huh” John roughly turned Dean around in his arms and shoved his head into Deans neck.

“Ah! Dad!! Your drunk. You need to go to bed!” Dean gasped as his father sucked on his neck.

“Mhm yeah lets get to bed sweatheart.” John scooped Dean up bridal style as if he weighed nothing, and started stomping towards the bedroom of the motel. 

“No, no! Dad Sammy’s in here. You can’t!” Dean wriggled in Johns grasp.

John actually stopped and looked as if he was contemplating something. He turned around and started back. Dean let out a sigh of relief. Then John spoke up about what was on his mind. “It’s a good thing I got a room with a seperate room with a couch.

“No!” He screamed.

Like a girl

---------------------

In the morning John didn’t remember anything. Dean remembered it all. That week John left for another hunt and didn’t leave enough money. Sam needed new textbooks for 6th grade (after skipping 5th.) He was already bigger than Dean and would need more clothes. And Dean still had to feed him.

So Dean decided to use his femininity to his advantage. After Sammy would go to sleep Dean would lock all the doors and go to the nearest gas station in the skimpiest clothes he could find. 

Like a girl.

----------------------

Dean dropped out of school in 10th grade. While Sam skipped another year in 7th grade. Jumping straight to highschool at 12. It was hard to keep Sam in school while they moved around for hunts. But Dean made sure he went as much as possible. And taught him as much as he could on his own.

Dean had to go away on hunts more and more with their father. Leaving Sammy to fend for himself. Dean got in more and more trouble by leaving Sam extra money. He was constantly getting hurt by the monsters and told to man up.

Even the monsters commented on how girly he looked. So he decided to start trying to be more boyish. Taking girls out, working out more, being more reckless, and acting more ‘manly.’

Sammy eventually graduated and went away to Stanford. Dean was happy for him but was convinced that his brother simply didn’t want to be around him anymore. And Dean couldn’t blame him. He didn’t want to be around himself either. This was the point when Dean hit rock bottom. He started carving words into his thighs. Words like pretty, and girl. He cried in the bathroom while bleeding from between his legs.

Like a girl.

--------------------------

The first time Sam kissed him Dean panicked. They were in a motel in Texas on a hunt. Sam was currently soulless. And Dean was taking advantage of him. Yeah. Dean was taking advantage of the big, strong, muscly, man that he lived with.

Like a girl.

------------------------

“Dean” Sam called for his brother through the bunker.

“Yeah Sammy I’m just getting out of the shower!” Dean called back. Sam started his way to ambush Dean in the bathroom.

Yeah Sam was sorta horny for his big brother. And he knew Dean felt the same way. They had kissed and made out a lot since the first time when he was soulless. Sam also knew he had forced himself on Dean. Luckily Dean had run away before Sam could do more.

But since then their relationship had progressed. They held hands while not in public. Hugged while relaxing (”It’s called cuddling Dean.” “Not with me it’s not”) They made out a lot. But Dean wouldn’t let Sam get any further than that.

Sam knew about Deans self esteem problems. He knew that’s why Dean acted all macho like he did. Sam hated that. Hated that Dean covered himself up like that. Forced himself to be something Sam knew he wasn’t. Sam just wanted him to be himself. Just wanted his brother.

So Sam didn’t know exactly what sort of messed up blame he put on himself that’s making him not want Sam to have sex with him but Sam plans on fixing it tonight.

Sam quietly crept into the bathroom Dean was in. His brother was looking in the mirror and holding a towel around his hips. Sam crept up behind him and snuck his arms around Deans waiste. Still so small but with rock solid abs.

“S-Sammy? What are ya doin’?” Dean whispered as Sam inhaled his body wash.

“Just admiring my beautiful big brother. I wish I knew why you won’t let me touch you Dean. It’s all I can do to hold myself back.” Sam purred in Deans ear.

“No Sam you don’t want that. You don’t want that at all.” Dean grimaced at himself in the mirror.

“Why not Dean. Why would anyone not want you? Perfect. You so perfect Dean. So much smaller than me but still so strong. I love it Dean. I love your body. And anyone in their right mind would to if they saw it.” Sam met Deans eyes in the mirror.

Dean held his gaze and whispered “are you calling me crazy?”

Sam withdrawed his hands, shocked. “What- Dean-But-You-How?-Why?”

“Very articulate little brother.” Dean chuckled. Then he turned in Sams loosened hold and sighed. “If we’re really gonna do this then theirs some things I need to tell you.”

“Yeah Dean whatever you want. I’m listening.” Sam complied as Dean sat on the edge of a bathtub. Sam following suit.

“Remember when we were little and dad would always say I looked like mom?” Dean explained everything that had ever happened to him because of his looks. Explained what their dad did, the kids at school, men on the streets who paid him to do things he didn’t want to. He told him he’d been depressed after he left. That he had contemplates suicide. But he left out the words on his legs. Figuring Sam would see them for himself.

“Oh my god. Dean I’m so sorry.” Sam has pulled Dean into his lap. Held him tightly while they both cried.

“It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. Any of it.” Dean whispered.

“But I could have stopped so much of it if I’d just payed more attention. If I’d jumped out of my own little world for just one minute I could have prevented some of your suffering.” Sam sobbed into Deans shoulder.

“That wasn’t your responsibility-“

“And it wasn’t yours to sell your body to keep me fed!” Sam inturupts him. “Dean I used to beg you for more stuff. And you always got them for me. And I never realized that you were starving yourself to get them! I didn’t even need half the things I asked for! I was just being selfish!”

“It’s ok Sammy. Shh it’s ok.” Dean rubs gentle circles into Sams head while he holds him.

“I should be comforting you.” Sam states wettly.

“It’s ok. Hey hey look at me.” Dean pulls Sams face out of his neck. “I don’t know if you still want to but if you do. We can have sex now. I understand if after what I told you you’d be dis-“

“Of course I still want to Dean! God is that why you were hiding. You thought I’d be turned off by what you’ve been through. Dean I meant what I said earlier. Your beautiful! And perfect! And everything I’ve ever wanted. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize it.” Sam stands up abruptly, causing Dean to wrap his legs around Sams waiste. “I wish I could have taken your virginity before dad did.” Sam says between kisses.

“Oh my god! Sam! Don’t say that!” Dean laughs.

“Why not?”

“1 ew don’t mention dad. 2 you were ten!” Dean says matter of factly.

“So? I was a horny ten year old. And I was already bigger than you.” He chuckles and Dean smacks him on the side of the head.

They get to the bedroom and Sam literally throws Dean on the bed. Dean bounces a few times as his towel starts to slip from his hips.

Sam makes a move to pull it the rest of the way off but Dean stops him. “Nuh uh. You first big guy. I don’t know if you’ve realized but I’m practically naked and your still fully clothed.”

Sam hastily rips off his clothes and throws them around the room while dean sits back to admire the view.

“Better?” Sam smirks cockily.

“Much.” Dean holds out his arms for Sam to fall into.

“Your.” Kiss to the jaw. “So.” Kiss to the neck. “Fucking.” One to each nipple. “Pretty.” One to the belly button.

Dean freezes on the last word. “What’s the matter?” Sam looks up at Dean worriedly.

“See for yourself.” Dean pulls the towel off himself and spreads his legs. Sam instinctively slots himself between them before kissing the tip of Deans cock.

“Dean are these?”

“Yeah.”

“Your not a girl. Your the most fucking perfect guy I’ve ever met.” Sam kisses the word.

“Your not my mom. Your my big brother. Your my whole world.” Sam kisses the word mom next.

“Your not a slut. Your the most selfless person I’ve ever met. And you have the most attractive body I’ve ever seen.” Sam kisses that word.

“And your not just pretty. Your beautiful. And I’ll never stop telling you just how beautiful and pressious you are.” Sam holds up Deans leg. The muscle twitching in his palm. And kisses the word.

When Sam crawls back up to see Deans face, he finds his brother covering his mouth behind his palm. Silent tears spilling from love filled eyes.

“I love you so much Dean. More than anything.” Sam whispers as he finally kisses Deans perfect, plump lips.

“I love you to Sammy.”

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Live blogging the Hobbit pt.7

Flies And Spiders

I’ve been looking forward to this one.

“There were black squirrels in the wood. As Bilbo’s sharp inquisitive eyes got used to seeing things he could catch glimpses of them whisking off the path and scuttling behinf tree-trunks.” I should write a fic about this myself, but I think it would be a funny scene to have Bilbo, with his sharper eyesight, mention the squirrels and the dwarves just. Have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about? What squirrels?? Bilbo: … the squirrels. Dwarves: wut. B:The squirrels that run around every once in a while. And him trying to point them out but being unable to because of their speed and their black colour. Eventually, after they’ve been in the woods a while, becoming irritable and kinda muddled and just really freaked out, Bilbo snaps and out of nowhere throws a rock at one of them, only stunning it, but effectively bringing it down. The dwarves are all like, Bilbo wtf, both because it was very sudden and because they didn’t know he had that good of an aim, but he just goes “you see it? you see it? oh thank heavens I was starting to think I was going crazy and just imagining it.” That’s when they decide to try to shoot them and eat them and when they realise… well, I’ll keep it for that bulletpoint.

“Even the dwarves felt it, who were used to tunneling, and lived at times for long whiles without the light of the sun; but the hobbit, who liked holes to make a house in but not to spend summer days in, felt that he was being slowly suffocated.”

Lmao why does he always get the worst of it? Tolkien, I’ll see you in hell.

“They tried shooting the squirrels, and they wasted many arrows before they managed to bring one down on the path. But when they roasted it, it proved horrible to taste, and they shot no more squirrels.”

Here it is, back to the story, they hunt the squirrels, realise they’re gross, and are like, “Bilbo, you’re the most weirdly skillful yet useless person we’ve ever met.”

‘Dori is the strongest, but Fili is the youngest and still has the best sight.” Fili is the what

“All the time he was wondering whether there were spiders in the tree, and how he was going to get down again (except by falling).”

why not

“They did not care tuppence about the butterflies, and ere only made more angry when he told them of the beautiful breeze, which they were too heavy to climb up and feel.” It is kind of tacky, Bilbo

Double fuck, my bookmark fell off and the spine got cracked. This has literally never happened to me before D:<

In theory, leaving a mark that something’s been used and loved is a concept I like. In practice? This is bothering me.

“That night they ate the last scraps and crumbs of food; and next morning when they woke the first thing they noticed was that they were still gnawingly hungry, and the nest thing was that it was raining and that here and there the drip of it was dropping heavily on the forest floor.” I mean, they’ve eaten the last of the food and they’re still hungry — chances are that even if they’d known they were almost out of the woods, they wouldn’t have made it anyway. (So certain authors can stow it.)

“There were many people there, elvish-looking folk, all dressed in green and brown and sitting on sawn rings of the felled trees in a great circle.” Why elvish-looking and not just elves?

“They were lost in a completely lightless dark and they could not even find one another, not for a long time at any rate. After blundering frantically in the gloom, falling over logs, bumping crash into trees, and shouting and calling till they must have waked everything in the forest for miles, at last they managed to gather themselves in a bundle and count themselves by touch.” First off, I want to serve this as an example of and proof that Tolkien, while not going quite so low as to make scatological and fart jokes, used plenty of slapstick comedy. Second, oh my god you guys, that is not the way to find each other in the dark!

“Thorin said: ‘No rushing forward this time! No one is to stir from hiding till I say. I shall send Mr. Baggins alone first to talk to them. They won’t be frightened of him--(‘What about me of them?’ thought Bilbo)-- and any way I hope they won’t do anything nasty to him.’” All praise the fearless and generous leader! 

It reminds me of a fanfic I really like, still in progress, where the fanon dynamic for Bagginshield (and indeed, most common tropes of romance) gets subverted by having Thorin trust and rely on Bilbo to protect him instead of being overprotective. It was started after the first movie but before the others, and I can really see it in the book. (Of course, that probably has something to do with the fact that Tolkien didn’t write it to be romantic.)

“‘They are the best I am likely to get in this beastly place,’ he mutteres, ad he lay down beside the dwarves and tried to go back to sleep and find his dream again.” Dwarf(and hobbit)pile!

“He was deep in thoughts of bacon and eggs and toast and butter when he felt something touch him. Something like a strong sticky string was against his left hand, and when he tried to move he found that his legs were already wrapped in the same stuff, so that when he got up he fell over. 

Then the great spider, who had been busy tying him up while he dozed, came from behind him and came at him.” Almost executed for daydreaming about breakfast in the middle of Mirkwood at night crimes.

“He beat the creature off with his hands--it was trying to poison him to keep him quiet, as small spiders do to flies--until he remembered his sword and drew it out.”

Bilbo: *balls up fists and swings them like cartoon boxer* Let’s do this Shire style!

But also, I want to point out that it says he beat it off not tried to beat it off. That implies success.

Also, I’m kind of freaked out at the implication that that’s a small spider.

“Then it went mad and leaped and danced and flung out its legs in horrible jerks, until he killed it with another stroke; and then he fell down and remembered nothing more for a long while.

There was the usual dim grey light of the forest-day about him when he came to his senses.” Fair.

“Bilbo was a pretty fair shot with a stone, and it did not take him long to find a nice smooth egg-shaped one that fitted his hand cosily. As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his was as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grow--up he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort--indeed he could do lots of things, besides blowing smoke-rings, asking riddles and cooking, that I haven’t had time to tell you about. There is no time now.” There are so many levels of hilarity here, like

1- Bilbo used to be a fucking menace. And he didn’t quite get over it either!

2- They only ran away when he stooped? This just makes me think that he might have done nice things to make them at least tolerate him otherwise, instead of outright avoiding him or attacking him. Like, “ah, it’s that little boy, who’ll either feed us, he’s so nice and- uh oh he stooped, time to go boys.” Alternatively, it’s genetic memory warning them away from Bilbo. I was thinking maybe it was about all hobbits, but it does say “until they got out of his way”, meaning there was a time when they didn’t.

3- That’s such a hilariously late time in the story to introduce us to the fact that the main character has not only good aim but a strong enough arm to throw a stone right through a giant spider’s web, which would be thicker and probably more durable than the normal variety, already stronger than steel. And then kill the spider on the other side.

4- “Other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort.” Idk man, other games of the sort, figure it out yourself.

5- I want to know about the other stuff Bilbo can do.

“This is what he sang:

Old fat spider spinning in a tree!

Old fat spider can’t see me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Won’t you stop,

Stop your spinning and look for me?

Old Tomnoddy, all big body.

Old Tomnoddy can’t spy me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Down you drop!

You’ll never catch me up your tree!

Not very good perhaps, but then you must remember that he had to make it up himself, on the spur of a very awkward moment.” Tolkien, shut up, it’s beautiful.

Also, lol, about to be eaten by spiders, how awks.

“Standing now in the middle of the hunting and spinning insects Bilbo plucked up his courage and began a new song.” Bilbo: If I’m gonna die, it’s gonna be as annoyingly as possible.

Honestly, though, this is my favourite song in the book.

“Bilbo’s next job was to loose a dwarf.” Very different from losing a dwarf, which he’s already done x14 (Thorin counts twice, especially considering he hasn’t even realized he’s lost him yet).

“Suddenly Bilbo noticed that some of the spiders had gathered round old Bombur on the floor, and had tied him up again and were dragging him away. He gave a shout and slashed at the spiders in front of him. They quickly gave way, and he scrambled and fell down the tree right into the middle of those on the ground. His little sword was something new in the way of stings for them. How it darted to and fro! It shone with delight as he stabbed at them. Half a dozen were killed before the rest drew off and left Bombur to Bilbo.” Bilbo’s gone berserk.

Also, Sting shone with delight? What a bloodthirsty blade.

“Away behind them now the shouting and singing suddenly stopped.” DUN DUN DUUUUUN

“Things were looking pretty bad again, when suddenly Bilbo reappeared, and charged into the astonished spiders unexpectedly from the side.

‘Go on! Go on!” he shouted. “I will do the stinging!”

And he did. He darted backwards and forwards, slashing at spider-threads, hacking at their legs, and stabbing at their fat bodies if they came too near. The spiders swelled with rage, and spluttered and frothed, and hissed out horrible curses; but they had become mortally afraid of Sting, and dared not come very near, now that it had come back. So curse as they would, their prey moved slowly but steadily away. It was a most terrible business, and seemed to take hours.” Love this part. All very heroic.

“They knew only too well that they would soon all have been dead if it had not been for the hobbit; and they thanked him many times. Some of them even got up and bowed right to the ground before him, though they fell over with the effort, and could not get on their legs again for some time.” I can imagine Bilbo all flustered, going “good. Hope you’ve learned your lesson and won’t be doing that again. Limit yourself to fawning.”

“All of a sudden Dwalin opened an eye, and looked round at them. ‘Where is Thorin?’ he asked.”Lmao, finally!

“They differed from the High Elves of the West, and were more dangerous and less wise.” Feral.

“All this was well known to every dwarf, though Thorin’s family had had nothing to do with the old quarrel I have spoken of. Consequently Thorin was angry at their treatment of him, when they took their spell off and he came to his senses.” Another change done for the movie: Thorin’s family wasn’t involved in the feud.

Also lmao this weapon, a prisoner and all “how dare you”.

I’m not going to talk about the conversation between Thorin and Thranduil bc it’s probably been done to death.

Definitely my favourite chapter this far. Main character’s skills and learned courage begins to show? Check. He uses them in a fight that gives him extra confidence? Check. Heroics mixed with witty commentary and one-liners? Check. Team begins to see them in a new, more positive light? Check. Elves being made fun of and painted as kinda ridiculous? Check. (This one’s very subjective ig.) 

[cosmiclunarprincess-fanfic]

A Succubus Tale (Series) Pt.3

Feeding Time

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing

: Bucky x Reader 

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rodgers, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda maximoff, Sam Wilson, basically the Avengers lmao

Warnings: I’m not the best when it comes to following writing rules. I pretty much write how I want to, so if you’re a stickler for grammar and what not just ignore it or don’t read loll (I’m nice I promise). Swearing, Anxiety, Kissing, Some Kinks, Fingering, A Lot of Smut.

( Word Count: 2236  )

Tags: @5aftermidnight @stevieboyharrington

Plot: Now a part of The Avengers, you’ve moved into Avengers HQ met the rest of the team and settled in. While wondering you run into Bucky and you two have a steamy encounter, where you discover something new about your powers.

I flinched feeling the cold of his metal hand reach into the band of my sweats and down to my dripping core. His other arm wrapping around my waist pulling my hips away from the wall. “Spread your legs a little for me sweetheart” He said placing kisses on my shoulder. I did as he asked while taking my hands off of the wall, to pull my sweats and then my panties off allowing him easier access to me. Bucky’s metal fingers caressed my folds with a gentleness didn’t expect from him. He went slow teasing me. A whimper escaped my lips begging him to do more. I could feel him smile into my neck as his fingers began rubbing tender circles on my clit.

My knees buckles, good thing he was holding me up with his arm or I might’ve been on the floor. I moaned grinding onto his fingers still wanting more. When he stopped, I groaned in frustration. His fingers slid back from my clit until one of them was slowly sliding inside me. I inhaled deeply enjoying the feeling of something filling me up. I arched my back and began moving my hips back and forth. His finger was at just the right angle hitting my spot perfectly. Bucky wrapped his arm around my waist even tighter stopping my movement.

“You just take what you want don’t you?” He asked releasing his grip on me to brush my hair away from my neck, then he was holding me again.

Slowly his finger began moving in and out. His lips attacking my neck once more this time he was relentless biting and sucking at my skin roughly. I knew a mark would be there for days but I didn’t care. He pulled his finger a third of the way out re adjusting his hand to place two fingers inside. I gasped at the feeling, I thought one of his fingers felt good but two of them was amazing. He explored the walls of my pussy gently with his fingers before he began pumping them in and out of me hard and fast.

At this point I was moaning so loud I was sure everyone in the building could hear me. I bit my lip feeling my wetness run down my leg. I’m sure his hand was covered by this time. I was getting so close. My walls began tightening around his fingers, waves of heat and pleasure consuming me. Bucky didn’t let up. His fingers pounding me in a way I’d never felt before. He pulled his head away from my neck to look at me.

“Look at that face.” He said smiling with satisfaction. I groaned reaching down pulling his hand from around my waist and placing his hand around neck.

I was done for. My eyes rolled back, I dug my nails into the skin of his arm. He growled, the speed of his fingers increasing. “I’m gonna cu- I’m cumi…” I couldn’t even form coherent sentences at this point. He groaned squeezing my neck even tighter. “Go ahead baby, cum all over my fingers.” My entire body tensed up, waves of intense pleasure washing over me, my walls contracting on Bucky’s fingers over and over again as I came all over him just like he wanted.

My breathing heavy and even. I stood in that same spot for another minute while I came down from my orgasmic high. Bucky kept his fingers inside me until I calmed down. Then he gently pulled them out. I shuddered feeling a bit of aftershock. I heard him chuckle. “What’s so funny?” I asked turning to face him smiling.

“Nothing, stay there.” He walked around the corner and to the back on the room grabbing towel. He brought it back and began cleaning me off and then himself. I was about to pull my clothes back on but he beat me to it gently pulling up my panties and sweats. He bent down and kissed me. I pulled back looking down at the bulge in his pants.

“What about you?”

“I’m fi…”

Bucky began to blink rapidly, he stumbled back a bit before catching himself. He shook his head trying to get rid of the dizziness. I walked over and rubbed his back. “Hey are you okay?”  He brushed the hair from his face.

“Yea I’m okay. Sometimes I get these headaches, it’s nothing.”

“You scared me there for a sec.”

“Nah its nothing I’m good, but when did you get in here? I didn’t even hear the door open.”

“What do you mean?” I giggled. I assumed he meant when I first came into the room. “I mean I was here doing inventory on the armory because I couldn’t sleep and the next thing I know I have this headache and you’re here asking if I’m ok.” I took a step away so that could look him in the eyes. A serious expression was written on his face very different form the loving one he had just moment ago. “Bucky, you can’t be serious right now?” I stood there waiting for him to come to his senses.

“You’re telling me you don’t remember anything that just happened?”

“What exactly am I supposed to remember?”

“Come on you can’t just forget something like that?” He chuckled walking back to his station where he had been doing inventory. “I think you’re sleep deprived it’s pretty late and plus you start training in the morning, go and get some rest. I have work to do here anyway.” He was so cold to me. Did he really not remember what happened between us? It literally just happened and it was amazing. You can’t just forget a moment like that. He turned to see me still standing in the same spot. He got up and walked over to me. “Tell you what why don’t I walk you back to your room so you don’t get lost huh?” I was at a loss for words it seemed like my feet just moved on their own. I was out of it the entire time we were walking when we finally got to my room Bucky said good night and left me there standing outside of my door in the middle of the night like some lost puppy.

I walked into my room a plopped on the bed face first. How could he just forget like that?I thought to myself. This man had just given me the best orgasm of my life and he didn’t even remember doing. I sat up racking my rain trying to figure out what could’ve happened to make him forget. It couldn’t be anything to do with hydra he’d been with the Avengers for two years straight and hydra was all but destroyed. Could it be some kind of trick? He could be pretending not to remember just to play with me…no Bucky isn’t the playing type as far as I know. I was a little upset but I decided to let it go, I’d never been the type to cry over a guy and I wasn’t about to start now. I crawled up my bed and just as I was about to climb under the covers this surge of energy came rushing through my body I looked down and my lower half was covered in this light pink smoke like cloud. Freaked out I ran to the full-length mirror on my wall and sure enough my whole entire body was cloaked in this thing, I had no idea what it was. It felt hot and tingly like electricity. I tried rubbing it off and that didn’t work. Then I absorbed it into my body through my skin. Now it felt good. I felt powerful, sexy and strong. I couldn’t help but look into the mirror and loving what I saw. I decided to take some sexy selfies to showcase just how hot I was but I picked up my phone, it shattered in my hand. My other hand shot up to my mouth shock. The pieces of the broken phone fell to the floor. Next to me.

What just happened? I thought to myself I knew I wasn’t that strong before. I looked down at my hands. “What’s happening to me?” I said to myself alone in my room.

The next morning, I woke up to an alarm that was effective yet not harsh at all. It went off on its own when I opened my eyes. I sat up in bed feeling relaxed and euphoric. “Thank god last night was a dream” I said while yawing. When I placed my feet on the floor to get out of bed something poked me in the foot. I looked down to see what it was…and there was my phone in pieces on the floor. “Oh no, are you kidding me?” I through my hands in the air frustrated at the fact that all the events that took place last night were real. I went to the bathroom to get ready. I took a nice shower, brushed my teeth, I thought about washing my hair but I wasn’t mentally prepared for drying and styling and shit. I knew I was going to be training so I put on a pair black high waist leggings, a hot pink sports bra with straps that went down my torso, a black pull over hoodie that said baby girl on the front and some black and pink Nike free runs. If I was gonna go down there and get my ass beat I was going to look damn good doing it. I took one last look in the mirror spraying some chanel N°5 on my pulse points before walking out the door.

I walked into the common and headed straight for the fridge and grabbed a grapefruit and overnight oats I had made last night and some water. I grabbed a plate, spoon, some sugar for my grapefruit and sat at the middle table. I guess today was sleep in day and I never got the memo because it seemed like I was the only one awake. I sat alone eating for about ten minutes when everyone started rolling in. “Look at you up all bright and early” Natasha nudged me a little as she walked by. “Ha yea I wanted to make a good impression.” She waved her hand shooing my comment away. “Y/N you don’t have to do anything to impress us. Especially not me I already like you a lot.”

“I second that.” Wanda chimed in from behind her coffee cup.

“Third.” Sam raised his hand smiling at me. I smiled back. “Ahh, Fourth.” Steve stretched as he sat in the seat next to me. His plate was loaded with healthy protein filled foods. I took a bite of my grapefruit. “Wow, are you really gonna eat all that?” Steve snickered while starting to eat his food.

“Yea, I am. This body needs fuel same as everyone else.”

“True, true. Especially for all your…extracurricular activities huh?” I winked nudging him with my elbow a bit. Everyone except Steve bursts out into a fit of laughs. He had a confused look on his face. “You mean like on missions, right?” That’s just made us laugh even harder. “No Steve I mean…you know what never mind. You enjoy your breakfast.” I gave him a reassuring pat on the back. Natasha was sitting across from us eating a bran muffin. “Remember earlier when I said I liked you, I lied I meant I love you.” We high fived and began having meaningless girl talk. A few moments later Bucky walked in he gave the room a general “Good morning” and made himself some food. He sat next to Steve. They started going over my training regime for the day. After everyone had there breakfast we all headed to the training rooms. We stretched and got right to it. Steve my first trainer for the day. He had a clip board and a timer ready to record all my results. “So,

Y/N the first thing we’re gonna do is see that kind of physical condition you’re in right now and go from there. I nodded. “So, I want you to run a mile for me, that’s gonna be four times around the track. Can you do that for me?” I took a deep breath thinking what did I get myself into.

I took a deep breath and went to the Steve had shown to me. He yelled across to me. “Ready?”

I yelled back “Yea!”

“Okay on the count of three. One, two, three.” I took off running, a light jog at first gradually running faster and faster. My body started to feel hot and tingly, just like it did the night before and before I knew it I finished my fourth lap. I was barely out of breath which was both shocking and exciting. Jogged over to where the rest of the group was. When I got to them they all had looks of shock and or confusion on their faces. “Why are you guys looking at me like that?” I asked partially not wanting to know. Sam broke the silence.

“You just beat both their records girl!”

“Who’s?”

“Them.” Sam took a step back not wanting to be seen he pointed to Steve and Bucky.

Continued in Pt.4 Coming soon…

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

Amor Fati

Title: Amor Fati

Pairing: Hoseok x reader,

Type: soulmate!au. angst, fluff

Rating: PG-mentions of anxiety/panic attacks.

Word Count: 1,508

A/N: In honor of J(ay) Hope being in America. #rude. It’s been a million and one years since I’ve written anything, but I’ve been feeling the bug lately, now that I’ve moved and school/travels have slowed down. I saw this prompt and this is what came out of it. I already have a part 2 in mind!

But what can be done, the one who loves must share the fate of the one he loves.

― Mikhail Bulgakov,The Master and Margarita      

Today was the day you were going to meet your soulmate. You knew it. And it wasn’t some kind of vague, intuitive, feeling. You knew for a fact that  today was the day, because the timer embedded into your wrist,  that had been the source of much anguish over the years was finally showing a countdown of less than three hours.  It was a bit of an art rather than a science though. No one really knew when the timers had first appeared, or what their larger purpose was. Some conspiracy nuts thought that it was a method of social control, deterring people from acting promiscuously. You shuddered at the thought, finding it incredibly condescending and insensitive. Still others removed their timers willingly, but you couldn’t understand why someone would want to live with that kind of ambiguity. You found it calming to see it count down, taking comfort in the fact that you would soon be with whoever destiny had chosen for you.

You had always been a bit of a late bloomer, so while you were ecstatic for each of your friends when they found their soulmate, you couldn’t help but feel a little left behind. To make up for these feelings, you would often overcompensate when asked to be in the wedding party (as you always were), making sure everything was perfect and straight out o a fairytale. Inevitably at the end of the night, hen you got a little too tipsy off of the champagne, you would often excuse yourself for air, and look up at the stars, wondering if your other half was looking at the stars too.

You weren’t in any kind of rush to get married (and honestly, you could care less about rings or parties or formalities), but you were ready to not be alone. Ready to have someone to come home to at the end of the day, snuggle with on the couch, and wake up next to. Someone who would know everything about you and all of your secrets, and still accept you 110%. You had gone to school, traveled a lot, gotten a career that you loved. Your life was overall pretty great, but you still wanted someone to share it with.

Which was why you couldn’t stop fidgeting and jumping at every sound. Despite your best efforts to remain calm, you were running on pure adrenaline. Work dragged by, time seemingly moving in reverse. You wouldn’t have been surprised to see your timer counting up. Whatever circle of hell you were currently in, at least it wasn’t that cruel.

Finally, by some miracle, it was time for your lunch break. You sprinted out of the building, not wanting anything to delay you, today of all days. Though you knew it was flawed logic because it was literally impossible for you to be in the wrong place, at the right time.You worked in the city center, and there was a leafy park close to your office building where others on their break would find some peace of mind, college students would soak up the sun, or senior citizens would feed bread to the ducks in the small pond. All in all, heaven on earth on a day like today, and you couldn’t imagine a better place to meet the person you would hopefully spend the rest of your life with. Clearly everyone else thought it was a good day to go to the park as well, and almost all of the benches were full. You sat down  at the far side of a bench from someone with a bucket hat pulled over their head, napping. His arm was face up, and in your hyperaware state, you noticed the conspicuous lack of a timer. It wasn’t unheard of, though you had never met anyone who removed theirs. There were many religions and philosophical schools of thought that argued that the timers took away your ability to live in the present moment, and to make choices for yourself. More often than not though, those people lived on the fringes of mainstream society, and often intermarried between each other. A different form of social control, you thought to yourself. While you admired people who could live according to their own convictions, you tended to think that there was no reason to make life harder than it already was. If this was one thing that was pre-ordained, you would take it.

As you unwrapped your sandwich, you found yourself staring inadvertently at every person that passed by, wondering if they were the one.  You scarfed your sandwich, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. You quickly checked your phone. Only 5 minutes of your half hour break. You listlessly watched couples, babies in strollers, and basically zoning out, trying to imagine what the person would look like. You had a type in mind, but you were honestly happy to meet them, regardless.

You glanced down at your wrist, shocked to see how little time was left. Though the park had been crowded when you first sat down, there was no one around other than the man dozing next to you. As though he felt your gaze, he began to stir. You couldn’t spare a second thought for him at the moment though, not with your soulmate so close.

Ten. -

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

A bird squawks overhead.

Six.

Five.

Four.  

Three.

A man jogs quickly by.

Two.

He is gone.

One.

You jump to your feet, unable to sit any longer. You are alone, though the man to your right has jolted awake, startled by your sudden movement.  You can feel your pulse in your neck, stress causing you to panic. Where is your soulmate?! You’ve never heard of two people not meeting when they are destined to, but at the moment, you’re worrying you’re the first.

He watches you, and before you can hide your emotions from this stranger, his gaze drifts to your wrist, which is your fault partially, since you were fanning yourself. Unable to meet his gaze, you stare at his sneakers, and you can’t decide if they are the coolest or ugliest ones you have ever seen.

“This cannot be happening right now. Do you think that my timer is defective?” Your voice pitches upward as your throat constricts.

He shrugged casually, gaze never leaving your face. “I had mine removed,” he said simply, as though discussing the weather, rather than what was, allegedly, one of the most painful forms of body modification possible. Your face must have betrayed your shock, because he continues. “I wanted to know that I was choosing the person I was with because I really liked them, not because they were convenient.  And I want them to want me,not because some biological clock says that it must be so. Call me an old soul, or something.” At that he grins, and for a fraction of a second, you are blinded, and you forget your existential crisis. He has to be one of the most beautiful people you have ever seen. Even with the weird taste in shoes.

You begin to feel your pulse again, and it’s not due to your mental breakdown. He luckily misinterprets your blush though.

“Not to diminish what you’re experiencing right now, though…. Maybe you should sit down.” He reaches an arm out and gently tugs on your wrist, which has fallen to your side. While you would normally be freaked out by a stranger touching you, there is nothing but comfort in his touch. Maybe you are doing worse than you thought.

You stick your head between your legs. It’s been a solid few minutes and your soulmate still hasn’t appeared. You had been hoping for fireworks, or a neon sign, or something.Now you’re just hoping for anything.

After a few minutes, you sit back up, and the mystery man has appeared with a bottle of water. As you crack the seal and take a sip, he asks your name.

“Y/N,” you answer, before taking another drink, your head already feeling clearer.

“Well Y/N, I know it feels like the world is falling apart at the moment, but maybe you’ll enjoy this newfound freedom from waiting. I know I have.” He smiles again and begins to get ready to leave. You look at your watch and realize that your lunch break is almost over as well. It seems trivial at the moment.

You smile  feebly. “How can I thank you for helping me today? Most people probably would have called the cops on someone having a panic attack in the park.”

He smiles again, and you feel warm.

“Maybe we can meet again tomorrow, …” you trail off, not knowing his name.

“Hoseok, but my friends call me Hobi. I would say we’re friends now,” he beams, chuckling.

And when you hear his name, you can’t decide if you’re making your own fate for the first time, or if you were exactly where you were supposed to be the whole time.

[alreadyblondenow]

Jaehyun’s Body | Jung Jaehyun (TEASER)

▸ Jaehyun x reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Demon Jaehyun ▸ HALLOWEEN SERIES: 127 HOUSE ▸ 5/5 for NEOHALLOWEEN writing festival hosted by @nct-writers​

Summary: Jaehyun is a demon who uses girls to make him stay handsome. He eats girls… literally. Then he met you and he can’t eat you because he’s in love with you.

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, a lot of killings, Blood, lots and lots of blood, killings again, then another killings, eating of human flesh, filthy (I’m telling you), all kinds of sex, swearing, abduction, mentions of other idols, mentions of eating children but he stopped don’t worry

A/N: Pure fiction, we all know that Jaehyun doesn’t need girls to make him handsome. I made this filthier than ever because it’s my last fic for 127 House. I made a timestamp for this as a bonus preview so if you already read it, yay. Inspired by the movie Jennifer’s Body. Gore (?) after the cut, then followed by smut. 

Date: Nov 5

PREVIEW, SEND AN ASK OR MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

Once upon a time, there were five teenagers who want to make a deal with the devil. The clueless teenagers did not know that what they were doing was wrong. Meaning, wrong methods, wrong sacrifice.

Given that they don’t know what they were doing, they singlehandedly or accidentally brought a creature into this world. The bothered creature that was summoned ate the teenagers as the creature was so confused, why was he bothered in his own torture cell in hell?

It starved for days, lost in a world that’s not familiar to him. He fed himself with every human who crosses paths with him, men, women, and children. Until it finally knew that eating humans can make him look just like them.

The creature adapted in this world, living like a normal human and walking amongst us, still not knowing how to go home.

“And that creature is me. Happy Halloween class, enjoy the night” Jaehyun finishes his story in front of his class. Watching every student laugh and shrug his ‘scary’ story for Halloween. They thought he was joking, and that was the fun part Jaehyun thought.

“See you on our next session Mr. Jung” a flirty young girl waved goodbye to him, smiling like she wanted to get on her knees and suck Jaehyun's cock right then and there.

“Enjoy Halloween” he winked back at her and proceed to fix his things and leave the classroom.

It was exactly a decade ago when those stupid teenagers brought him to this world. He didn’t have much of a choice but to live like a normal human to save himself. Feed from their flesh, kill every two weeks, and get on with life as if nothing gruesome happened inside his house.

Jaehyun targets girls, women in their early twenties or older. He stopped eating children only because the effect on him does not stay for long. Whereas, eating older people can last two weeks max. Luring girls was never hard for Jaehyun because he’s naturally handsome, but without human flesh, he returns to the disgusting creature he used to be.

Tinder is his go-to restaurant. A little swipe right over here, a swipe right over there, and voila! He now has a tasty dinner and for Halloween night, perfect to celebrate his existence here in this world.

As part of his adaptation in this world, he learned how to cook human meals for his victims. Feeding them good food before he eats them. In the middle of cooking in his big kitchen, his doorbell rang assuming that it’s his food that just arrived. He opened his door with a smile, welcoming the young lady inside his beautiful house, smelling her for some time during the hug. Delicious, he thought.

“Wow. Your house is big” the clueless girl exclaims. It’s always the same, every girl who steps inside his house is always amazed at how beautiful 127 House is. It’s white interior always captures the ladies’ hearts and leave them in awe.

“I hope you’re hungry. I made dinner for us” he gave the girl a flirty smile, flashing those cute dimples of his that always make the girls smile.

During dinner, Jaehyun can’t rush his meal and get on with the kill already. He is patient and takes time to know what he’s about to eat. He asks a lot of questions to gain the girl’s trust and fool her that Jaehyun is actually into her. “Do you do drugs?” the most important question for the night. Jaehyun hates eating humans who do drugs because it has a side effect on him as if his body can’t handle the drugs itself that it makes him weak on the spot. So much for being a creature from hell.

“No, I don’t do drugs. Do you?” the girl answered with wide eyes.

“No no. I’m clean” he smiled and put his hand on the girl’s thigh. Slowly caressing it until Jaehyun reaches her damped panties. “Can you open your legs for me?” Jaehyun’s irresistible request made the girl open her legs a little wider under the table. Rolling her head side to side as she feels Jaehyun’s cold fingers brushing on her clothed clit.

It’s time, Jaehyun thought. Dinner is served.

He pushed the plates away, glasses clinking, utensils started to fall from the table. Jaehyun carried her and put her on the dinner table, kissing her wildly to put the girl in the mood and make her horny. It always works. While he’s busy kissing her, his hands slowly remove her panties and spread her legs a little rough and push her on the dinner table.

“We really doing this here?” the girl asks.

“This is the perfect place to eat you”

The girl smiles and felt excited because a handsome man like Jaehyun is about to eat her pussy. Little did she know, that Jaehyun will quite do it literally. He planted kisses on her inner thighs, making the girl moan and tickle in the meantime. Jaehyun runs a finger on her slit and makes her legs shiver, licking his finger as if he’s having a taste of his dinner.

“Eat me already” she protests. Jaehyun chuckled low and puts two fingers inside her before he makes a move.

Jaehyun’s first lick from her pussy makes his head turn and breathe heavily for the girl he’s about to eat tonight tastes delicious. He licks and licks the girl, not listening to her moaning, not minding if she’s calling his name. The way he licked the girl was like he was having ice cream on a hot summer, sucking her arousal and putting pressure on her clit. Unaware of what’s happening to the girl, he didn’t care if she already came and overstimulated. Jaehyun continued licking his dinner even though the girl is pushing him already, but still having the time of her life.

She then felt Jaehyun bite clit and made her shout a little too loud that her voice echoed around 127 House. She propped her shoulder and saw Jaehyun’s eyes turned plain black. He smiled at her making the girl shout in horror and shout for her life but Jaehyun’s tongue is making her cum again for the second time tonight, harder than the first one she had.

And that’s Jaehyun’s cue to eat her. Bit her off. Letting her blood pool around his dinner table. He ate her flesh by flesh, sipping every drop of her blood, chewing all her intestines, licker the flavor off her skin like an animal. He can feel himself glow as he continues to eat her.

Pouring himself a glass of his favorite wine, he looks at his reflection through the goblet and admires his handsomeness. Skin clearer as ever, eyes without dark circles, firm ass. He smiled to himself as he feels much more alive and young now. Jaehyun went back to the dead body on his table, kissing the girl on the cheek and thanking her for making him handsome.  

FULL FIC HERE

[americaswritings]

Find my way back to you Part 3

Summary: Reader has fallen for Steve Rogers, her best friend, who is in a relationship with Sharon Carter. To get over him the reader starts a relationship with another agent. But things take some unexpected turns and suddenly she is confronted with a situation, where her own life is on the line.

Warnings: angst, fluff, character death?

Words: 2k

Pairings: Steve x reader

A/N: This is the last part of my miniseries. I hope you like it :)

“Anything from (y/n) or Bret yet?”, Steve asked while walking up to Clint. He shook his head. “They should have reported long ago”, Steve wondered, his face twisted in confusion. “Maybe they are just too busy making out”, Natasha suggested with a chuckle. Clint gave her a glance and she stilled. “Something is wrong”, Steve stated and grabbed his radio. “(y/n) do you copy?” His question was followed with silence. “(y/n) do you hear me?”, he asked again, still getting no answer. His worried glance met Clints furrowed one. “Bret do you read me?”, he tried again. After a moment of anxious waiting they decided to fly back to the warehouse to check if everything was alright. 

The atmosphere in the jet was tensed. Of course it just could have been a misunderstanding, a malfunction of the radios or something else, but there was also a possibility that something had gone horribly wrong. Furthermore the jet was filled with the three people who had grown to care the most for you. Clint being your mentor who had become fast someone like a family figure for you, Natasha your best friend and Steve. Steve who was even more than a best friend to you. After years of knowing each other you shared a bond you had with nobody else, not even Natasha. You didn’t even need words to communicate, being able to read each others body language like a book. Besides your feelings for him he was the most important person in your life and you wouldn’t exaggerate saying you couldn’t imagine your life without him. Little did you know that Steve couldn’t imagine his without you either.

After 2 minutes, which felt like an eternity, they reached the warehouse. Everything looked normal but they had learned quickly that appearances could be deceiving. “Still no word?”, Natasha aked from the front of the jet. Both men shook their head, caught up in their own concern. “I’m gonna land”, Natasha declared and Steve stood to get a better view. It was when a huge explosion made them all widen their eyes in terror. 

Trying to process what had just happened Steve felt his knees going weak. His whole body seemed to lose all energy he had left. Stumbling back he hit the wall of the jet, giving him something to hold on to. “We..we have to land”, he stuttered. Getting no reaction from Natasha he repeated “We have to land right now!” This time Natasha snapped out of her shock stare, nodded slightly and initiated the landing. 

When the doors of the jet finally opened, the three sprinted outside. “There could be a second bomb”, Natasha warned. They knew she was right, but there was no chance they would wait any longer. There was always a risk. That was the job, and they all knew it. “Nat you take the second floor, Clint you the basement”, Steve ordered and they jogged over to what had once been the gate. Passing it, they were greeted with rubble and ashes. The bright walls were covered in dark soot and some little fires were burning out. A cloud of smoke made it nearly impossible to see anything. They stood there for a moment, gazing at the scene and realizing it wasn’t much likely that somebody had survived. “Maybe she wasn’t even inside”, Natasha whispered, making both men look at her in disbelief. “We have to stay in contact alright? If anyone finds (y/n) or Bret you report”, Clint declared and Nat and Steve nodded. Then they parted, making their way through the smoke and rubbles.

Steve had been searching for a while now. Still not lucky he felt anxious. You couldn’t be dead. It just wasn’t possible. “Damn it!”, he yelled and kicked against a log. He knew if you would be by his side now you would have nudged his shoulder and have whispered “language”, with a victorious grin spreading your face. He smiled at the thought, but it faded quickly, realizing maybe you would never be by his side again. Never speak to him again. He made his way to the end of the warehouse, where the explosion hadn’t destroyed as much as at the other parts. Narrowing his eyes he caugh sight of a limp body, laying on the dusty floor. Running towards it, he felt the adrenaline cursing through his veins. He came to a hold next to it, crouching down. It was you. Your face was covered in dirt and blood sprinklers. Your hair was falling messy around your shoulders and your clothes had been ripped into shreds, the bullet proof west being the only part with no great destruction. A large wound was covering your left tigh, blood soaking through the shreds of your jeans. Steve inhaled deeply before putting two fingers against your neck. You had a pulse. You were still alive. The thought made him get back to his feed, the energy that had left him earlier, coming back. Quickly he picked you up and carried you to the jet. "It's gonna be okay", he repeated more to himself than you. Natasha and Clint met him by the doors. "Oh my god (y/n)", Natasha called out, running up to Steve, Clint by her side. "Is she.." "She's still alive", he explained and both exhaled reliefed. "What about Bret?", he asked and they both shook their heads. "No sign of him" Steve didn't know what to feel. Sorrowful, because he hadn't deserved this death; anxious of your reaction to his death; reliefed, because he hadn't liked him as your boyfriend; gulity, because an agent had died and he had done nothing to save him.

"It's not your fault, you know that right?", Natashas voice made him jump. Watching over you in your hospital bed he had grown tired. He sighed. "They didn't report. We should have reacted earlier" Natasha sat down next to him. "The enemy cut our connection to them. They were prepared for our attack. Nobody could have seen that coming- not even you." She sighed and put a hand on the back of the chair. "Right now we have an even bigger problem" Steve glanced up, confused of what she was talking about. "They were prepared", she repeated and the realization hit Steve. "A spy!" She nodded. "Yes. Someone of us isn't who we think he is", she explained and fiddled with her hands. "Let's think about that tomorrow okay? Right now our priority is (y/n)" Steve tried to read what she felt. Natasha had always been good at hiding them, but he had gotten to known her. She looked exhausted, maybe even a bit afraid. He squezzed her hand. "She is strong. She will be fine", he reassured her although he didn’t quite believe his own words. Natasha nodded and left to get some rest. 

It took 5 more hours for Clint to convince Steve to get some sleep himself. The super soldier didn't leave your side since your arrival here, not even for a second. It was already late in the night but right now Steve couldn’t think of sleep. Not until you woke up. "I will stay here until you come back", Clint promised and Steve finally agreed. Returning to his room he still couldn’t find any sort of rest, his mind always wandering of to the imagine of you. Your smile, the adorable face you made when you had just woken up, the laugh that made your eyes sparkle and then the image of your lifeless body laying on the floor. Your pale face and the dark circles under your eyes making you look so small and lifeless in that white hospital bed. 

---

When you woke up you felt sick. Your stomach was hurting, as well as your head. Your throat was dry and your leg was burning. You blinked a few times until you could open your eyes fully, taking in the sight of a room with white walls. Literally everything looked white and clinical. You were clothed in a sweater and a short pair of shorts, revealing a white bandage around your left tigh. “(y/n)?” Clint leaned forward, a reliefed smile across his face. You were overwhelmed with emotions. Somehow you had made it out alive. You were safe. Recalling everything what had happened you knew you had to tell the team as soon as possible about it, but at the same time you weren’t prepared to put it into words. Instead you started to cry. “Hey it’s okay”, Clint comforted you, hugging you tight. “You are safe” 

You sat there crying into his shoulder for a few minues, until the door opened and you broke apart to look up. It was Steve, the worry written heavy on his face. Seeing you awake made him look a little eased, but your puffy red eyes made him worry again. Did Clint already told you about Bret? “She just woke up”, Clint explained, then left to give the two of you some space. The anxiey had left deep marks on Steves face and you wanted to tell him it was okay. You were fine. But nothing came out of your mouth. “(y/n)”, he started and you knew something had happened. “I am so sorry-” “What is it?”, you interrupted him, your voice reflecting your fear. “We couldn’t find Bret. We believe he died in the explosion.” A dry laugh made it’s way up your throat and Steve looked at you in shock. That wasn’t the reaction he had expected. “Is everything okay?”, he asked, the question more rhetorically than serious. Obviously nothing was okay. “Yeah”, you said, stopping to laugh and tears filling your eyes instead. “He was- he is a traitor”, you declared. “he is a spy. All the damn time he was-”, your voice broke. “He is Hydra. He set off that explosion, because he needed to get away with the files without any witnesses. He- he wanted to kill me” Steve watched you in shock, still processing what he had just heared. “I am so sorry doll”, he said after a moment of silence. “It’s fine”, you reassured him. A bitter smile made it’s way up your face. “It was stupid of me to believe someone could actually love me” “Hey!”, Steve touched your chin and turned it so you had to look at him. “Don’t ever say that again! You are the greatest person I know (y/n). You are strong and brave and you are funny and always look out for everybody. You see the best in every person and you support people, who don’t even desevere your attention. You are beautiful and smart and I was so worried that you were...gone..I-..I can’t live without you”, he stopped. You tried to read his expression, but this time his baby blue eyes gave nothing away. He fiddled with his hands and looked to the ground. Then he finally met your eyes again. “Because I love you.” Your eyes widened. “Wha-what about Sharon?”, you asked in a whisper. “We broke up weeks ago. It just didn’t feel right”, he sighed. You nodded in understanding and then tried to process what Steve had told you. “and you..you really love me?”, you asked, still not believing what he had said. “Yes”, he chuckled. “Yes (y/n), I love you!” You smiled and hugged him tight. “So is this the moment you will friend zone me?”, he asked, his breath sending shivers down your neck. You let go of him and studied his face. “Where did you learn that?”, you asked grinning. He rolled his eyes. “Sam mentioned to me you talk like that nowadays”, he gave away and you chuckled. How could he even be this adorable? Then you remembered his question and shook your head. “I am not gonna friendzone you”, you stated. Taking a deep breath you prepared yourself to say what you had wanted to say for so long now. “I love you Steve. Since the day I met you my life has become so much better and I cannot imagine my life without you too.” He smiled in surprise. “But what about Bret?” You sighed, feeling uncomfortable talking about him yet. “He was nice. I liked him and I thought maybe he could help me get over you”, you revealed, feeling your cheeks heat up. Looking up you saw Steve studying your face, his eyes soft as the ocean. He leaned forward until his lips met yours.  The kiss was soft and slow, making you feel warm and happy. Home. “You have no idea for how long I have wanted to do this”, he told you and your eyes light up at the thought of him feeling that way. 

You only broke apart when Natasha bursted through the door, stopping at the sight of you two and murmuring “Finally!”

[sian22redux]

He followed me home, ch 2

Title:  Hew followed me home,,   

Rating:   Has gone up a bit.  Oopsie., grin.  This is I for  interrupted sex. 

Summary Chapter 2 Dilemma :  Chris and reader adjust to the realities of having a ‘new furbaby’ in the house and try to settle on Puppy’s name. 

 You can find Chapter 1 here:    He Followed Me Home,   There will be one more after this.  For @theycallmebecca    Thanks so so much to @arizonapoppy for her awesome and timely beta’ing.  And to Linus the Story dog for making a cameo.  

---------------------------------------------------

“Aowwoooo….”

“Aowwoooo....”

“What time is it?”  Chris slurs softly into your ear as you shake off the heavy sand of sleep.  You lift a limp hand to the headboard and fumble blindly for a minute: it’s broad and deep, hides an entire bookcase inside, and is way too handy for dropping things.  Tv remote?  No. Book? No.  Sir Richard’s wrapper.  Snork.  A minute’s awkward searching finally finds your phone; you drag it back down to the safety of the blankets where you blink blearily at the screen.  

5:05 AM.

Oh god.  Too early.  Waaay too early to be awoken when you’re both off from work today.  

And have already been up at two.  

  You stretch and drop the phone back down.  “Five,” you offer to the furnace-hot, starfish-shaped figure in the bed. You’re pinned.  One long leg is draped across your calves, one arm is heavy on your stomach and the other is folded below Chris’s pillow.  Even sleeping on his stomach, he keeps the connection between you both.  You poke gently at a muscled shoulder and try to shift your hips.

“Hey.”

Chris turns his pillowed head back your way and cracks an eye half open.  “Must be Abbey nex’ door. Go back to sleep.”  

Abbey, his neighbor’s eight month old, is teething.  When the wind is just right you can hear her crying plain as day. Could be.  You shrug and pull the sheet higher up your shoulder, tuck your head back down, trying to drop off.  It’s futile.  Tired limbs might be sinking lead-heavily into the cushy expanse of high-tech foam but your brain won’t let it go.  Abbey usually sounds a little flatter; more wail than howl--she must be suffering, poor thing.    

You turn underneath that heavy arm and slide across the bed to lie sideways against his solid frame, tucking your head below Chris’s chin.   “Hun, I can’t.”  

There comes a quiet sigh.  “Hmmm.” You nuzzle at Chris’s throat.  A slow smile spreads across his lips.   The hand that had rested on your stomach skims up across your back; draws lazy circles at the same time the suede-soft top of his foot caresses along your calf.

Sneaky man.  He knows you can’t resist the incongruous delicacy of his touch; the feather light brush that makes you melt and ache for something stronger.    The unhurried glide--- back and forth, soft and smooth and warm---reminds you of other, more interesting bits of his skin you like to touch.  Hnnggg.  You shiver. Little flames of need lick across your skin to settle in your core.  

 It’s torture, slow and lazy, and does not stop.

  “Chriss….” you moan and his answering chuckle rumbles enticingly at your ear.  He knows exactly what this is doing to.   And he is enjoying every minute.

  “What would you like me to do about that?” he whispers, twisting his hips; tugging  you closer and  spooning snuggly up behind so that a particular warm muscle throbs insistently along your butt.

 Oh god. Not fair. Someone is now clearly more awake. Downey, new-trimmed beard tickles as he noses softly behind your earlobe, drops open-mouthed hot butterflies at the cool of your nape.  

You shudder.  Not fair at all, the way he plays your body like an instrument.  

Strong fingers grip harder at the curve of your hipbones, pull your backside tight against his groin.  A telltale stripe of warm and wet paints along your folds.

Very awake, your boyfriend.  And ready.  And needy as you are.    

“Aowwoooo....”          

Both of you still at once.  The high wail knifes through the door again; louder this time and with it, quite obviously more near. Realization dawns.

“Puppy!” you cry, bolting upright up in the bed. He’s just outside the bedroom door, next to Dodger’s comfy bed in his shiny, new, bought-just-in-time-before Ace-closed, puppy crate.  

He’s awake and wants to be let out.  

“Jeez, it is.”  Chris sighs, throws an arm across his eyes.  Yup.  He’s just been cockblocked by a furball somewhere between a breadbox and a microwave in size.  For a second you worry he is annoyed but then the wail becomes a steady whimpering and your heart breaks a little bit.  

 Puppy’s been kenneled his whole life but now he’s separated from his pack.

Chris feels it too: his frown melts into a worried twist of concern.  “I’ll get him.”  

 He rolls away, nabs his discarded boxers from the floor and hops in place struggling to pull them on.  Another sound has joined the first.  The odd scraping thud of Dodger pawing at your door.

  “Fuck. I’m coming.”  Chris yanks on the door handle and reaches for a collar. “Dodger, sit!”  

Dodger obediently sets his haunches down and you hear the squeak of new metal clasps.

 The whining immediately stops.  

 “He didn’t cry at 2!”  You call hastily pulling one of Chris’s rattier NASA sweatshirts down over your head. It’s too long and covers you to mid-thigh.  Enough to chase away the chill if you are racing for the piddle pad.

“We had to wake him to let him out!” Chris calls back.  True, Puppy had been tuckered out from an entirely exhausting day, but you hadn’t processed the fact he’s on a baby’s schedule: waking and feeding every few hours at a time.  

Thank heaven Chris reacted fast.

“Good boy!”

The chorus of encouragement rings quietly in the cool pre-dawn air after the black ball of fluff scrambles out of Chris’s arms to squat on the still dewy grass. Just in time.  Puppy would be miserable if he had to wet his bed.

You both sit, bleary-eyed and yawning, knee to knee on the nearest lounger while Puppy snuffles happily.  He seems bouncy and alert, snapping unsuccessfully at the drunken wobbling of a moth.  Over by the firepit Dodger marks ‘his’ tree and trots back in through the sliding door. He knows the sun won’t be up for an hour yet.

“Did Dodger cry like this when they came home?” you ask, half knowing the answer that you’ll get.  Dodger may be high energy, a pup at heart, and ready to play at the drop of a hat, but he is almost preternaturally quiet voiced.  You’ve hardly ever heard him bark.  

Chris shakes his head.  “Naw. He’d been in the pound so long I think he learned not to add to the fray. But oh man, the moment I opened the door of his crate.  He just exploded out.”

 You both grin.  Of course he did.  Dodger is always overjoyed to be out in the wider world, with his Chris and playing, so much so that you’d been unsure how he would take to you at first.  You had quite literally evicted him from his place on Chris’ pillow--but the past three months showed the pooch could take some change in his stride.  He was fine as long as he had his Chris.  In time he leaned happily against your side when you all flaked out to watch a show; ran with you obediently on lead; listened when you told him no.  He was a good dog. The best, Chris always said, although he’d said that about East too.

Chris yawns, pushes off the chair with his hands, stands and stretches as the faint breeze raises goosebumps on his skin.  It’s not warm enough yet to be naked out of doors.  He reaches out a long arm to pull you up.  

 You smile and you wrap your arms as far around as you can reach.   “You don’t have fur.  You need a shirt.”  

“I do,” he agrees, planting a quick kiss on your forehead.  “And food.  I think my stomach is still on London time.”  Sure enough, it rumbles. Right on cue and loudly enough for you both to hear.

 Chris turns around, runs his fingers through his hair and scans for the pup.

A tie on the other loungers pad is under an adorably ferocious attack.  Puppy’s growling, shaking his head back and forth and tugging on the string.  

“Hey! Stop that,” you scold, lacing both hands underneath his fuzzy tummy.  You lift the wriggling, protesting bundle up in your arms and frown.  Day two and he is chewing the furniture.  Already.

Chris shrugs at the concern upon your face.  “Bound to happen sometime.”  He leans over for another kiss and laughs as he gets a lick underneath his chin. “Come on, Y/N.  Guess we better get him breakfast, too.  Doesn’t look like we’re going back to bed.”  

You don’t. Not for hours anyway,      

---------------------

The first days pass in such a blur you are so thankful you took time off.  Just like a baby, routine is important: exercise-meal, exercise-bonding time is the schedule. Five feeds a day.  Potty time every three hours and up at least once a night. ‘Good, bad, no” get repeated so frequently you begin to hear it in your sleep.    

Puppy eats and sleeps so much you swear can almost see him grow.  The first bowl of plain white fish (easy on a little stomach queasy from the meds) vanishes in a flash; chunks flying everywhere, stomach soon so full you can almost see the food poking out.

“Hey slow down, buddy.”  Chris holds him as you pull the bowl away.  He doesn’t fuss or snap, doesn’t try to eat Dodger’s food. Good boy, indeed.  It’s reassuring, as is the slowing frequency of coughs.          

The first time you let him run in the angled long backyard, Chris winds up doubled over laughing, hand over his mouth, as the little black ball streaks along behind his older ‘brother’.  

“Look at him go!”  

Indeed. Puppy is scampering as fast as his little legs will take him, silky ears flapping like he’s trying to lift off.   It’s hilarious.  And adorably awkward.  Giant paws on short stubby legs are hard to handle.   He trips over his ungainly paws, lands snout-first and whines. Dodger hustles back.  A quick sniff and nuzzle reassures that Puppy is fine and so the romp begins again.  They both find one end of a rubber bone and the inevitable tussle ends in startled yip.  Dodger, way more coordinated, has flipped over Puppy on his back.            

“Dodger, you meatball. Go easy on the little guy,”

Chris starts to jog over but Puppy seems ok. He rights himself, sneezes and looks utterly startled to find an ant upon his nose.  You’re laughing.  At Chris’s whistle Dodger bounds back, with Puppy in hot pursuit, tongue lolling out, brows furrowed as if to say  “why can’t I catch him?”    

The two of them pelt into the dining room, toenails clacking on the hardwood as they skitter to a stop.  Water is slurped messily, food bowls are dispatched and then they are off again: through the back door and out onto the deck where Puppy comes to a screeching halt.

Steps down are scary.

No amount of coaxing and cajoling from the alphas of the group can convince him to put a paw lower down.  You wind up once again carrying him down, settling him on your lap in the sun while Chris and Dodger play.      

“He needs a name,” you announce as the Frisbee soars above your head.

Chris pulls the disc from Dodger’s mouth and tosses it again.  “How about Scamp?”

Disney dogs?  Of course. Your boyfriend is the only guy you know who’s memorized Oliver and Company and Lady and the Tramp.  

You laugh and shake your head.  “Too small.”

“Tramp?”

You raise your eyebrows.  Berners are way more dignified than that. “Nuh unh.”  

‘Happy’ fits but doesn’t feel quite right. Nor does ‘Oliver’, ‘Bernard’ or “Louie.” Dodger sits patiently as Chris frowns thoughtfully and rubs his nape.  “How about Ryder, after Flynn Ryder?”

A possibility.  There is certainly every chance that Puppy will become a thief.   Soon he’ll be nicking socks and scarves any chance he gets.  

“What do you think?” you ask, shaking one of his paws.  He yawns and sprawls across your lap, not much interested in the game. Ryder does sound cool but somehow quite isn’t it.  

Licking your lips in thought, you decide, “I don’t think so.”  

Puppy yawns again, gnaws at your fingers as you pause to inspect his satin paw.  His nails are a little long: they will need clipping and you wonder how this heavy coat will do in the California heat. He’ll be sweltering.  Coat clipping will have to be introduced.  

That reminds you of the text you got last night.  Like the proudest mom around, you’ve already put Puppy up on your Instagram private page.  Your folks responded right away, sending an enthusiastic hi and a picture of their Berner, Emma;  all sleek and glossy from the groomer.  

They’re thrilled for you,  so ready to be Grandpuppyparents and have already suggested names.  

“Dad’s wants Tito,” you note teasingly, grinning at how this will be received.  No way Jose, will Chris go for a name from Bosox rival.

“That’s cuz he’s a traitor and a Cleveland fan,” Chris growls, blue eyes twinkling. You laugh but don’t demur.  It is halfway true but in point of fact, it is you that are the traitor.   Tito is Cleveland’s manager.  He’s a god in northeast Ohio and Columbus is your hometown.  

“He doesn’t look like a Tito, How about another?”

‘Einstein’? ‘Francis’? ‘Patch’?  All are rejected.  ‘Lucky’ fits but you point out it is already taken by Clint Barton’s one-eyed sidekick.  

Chris keeps tossing the Frisbee out and Dodger keeps running back.  

“How about Frodo?”  It is something of a tradition in your family to use Lord of the Rings for names as you and your little sis are huge Tolkien fans.  Your old guy Buck had been short for Brandybuck.

Chris laughs.  “What kind of nerdy name is that?”

“No nerdier than Einstein.”

Dodger bounds out past the pool and roots beneath the scarlet glory of a giant rhododendron.  He doesn’t find the Frisbee but pops up with something else, A baseball.  Roughed up and grass-stained, ropy-looking but with the red B still visible.

You are appalled.  An official Red Sox ball and Chris let’s his mutt slobber on it?!  You are about to take the piss from him but then a thought occurs.  Red Sox names.  What’s not to like?  If anything you are the bigger fan in this fledgling household.

“How about ‘Yaz’ for Carl Yaztremski?”

Chris prys the ball from Dodger’s mouth, walks over and settles down on the stone beside your knee; scratching his patiently standing pal behind the ear. “Not bad, but I like Carlton better.”

Carlton? Seriously?  A guy otherwise called ‘Pudge’?  No thanks. “How about after David Priiiice?”

Chris raises an eyebrow at your admiring tone.  “Oh, so you like him do you?”

“Unh hunh, that is one hot pitcher.”  

Hoowee…he is.  Funny and ferocious, your favorite guy on the team, though he can’t hold a candle to Chris in looks and charm.  You grin and stroke Puppy on the back, smoothing the waves of curly fur, waiting for the response.

Chris pulls a mock angry face.  “No way. Not namin’ him after my competition.”

“No one can compete with you.”  You plant a kiss on Chris’s cheek and as you lean across Puppy doesn’t budge.  He must be tired.  Soon it will be nap time but right now you’re having fun.  The sun is warm.  The day stretches ahead with no responsibility and Chris is home, happy and relaxed.  Turning his head, he captures your lips in his.

Mmmmm.  He tastes of coffee and chocolate from the croissants you bought at Viktor Bene’s.  For a moment you are both lost.  Dodger flops down with a heavy sigh, sets his head on his paws and waits.  He’s seen this before.  The hoomins are at it again.  

You lean farther in, tangle a hand in Chris’s hair but a sudden indignant squeak reminds you your lap is full.  Oops.   “Sorry pup.”  

Where were you?  Oh yes. Names.  Reluctantly you pull apart and try again.  

“Brock?” Brock Holt, the Sox’s young outfielder, is puppyish enough.  

Chris shakes his head.  “Not going there.  All I can think of is Rumlow.  Puppy is too sweet and loyal and besides, Frank would never let me live it down.”

He has a point.   “Mookie?”

“Maybe if he was a cat.”

“If he was a cat then he would absolutely be ‘Sox’.”    

This is true.  You’re ready to give it a rest but Chris is biting his lip, knee jangling, energy pent up. You know that look. Determined and hyper-focused.  He wants to settle this right now.   “We could call him ‘Gronk’.  His feet are big enough.”

Gronk for the Patriot’s Rob Gronkowski.  You laugh out loud, just picturing yelling that at the local dog park. “Only if you want to sound like a goose.”

Chris chuckles.  “Ok, how about ‘Brady’ then?”

This sets you laughing so hard you can hardly speak, coughing and spluttering, trying to get your breath under control. “ ‘Brady?’  Seriously?  You’d name him after your main bromance?”  

Chris sits up straighter.   “What? It’s a great name.  Too much fanboi?”

You shake your head, holding onto an excited pup who’s trying to nip at  your ear.   “Hey, off.”  Puppy settles at once and you smile.  Good boy.  He’s learning fast. 

You cock your head and look across at Chris. He looks little offended but is trying not to let it show.  “Hun, the whole world knows you are in love with Tom.  You spilled your drink on national television.  The rags would troll you so hard.”

Word of your new addition gets around.  That afternoon a text comes in from Scott.  He’s in Vancouver, finishing a shoot of another episode of Daytime Divas.  Chris pauses with Puppy under one arm and his phone in the other hand, showing you the screen.  “He votes for Copper.”  

“I didn’t know there was a diaper emoji,” you remark, gazing at the string of characters. If there is one thing his family knows about Chris, it’s that his clock is ticking louder than Big Ben.

“Well, we know there is a poop one.”    

Uhm, yes. Just like a baby, Puppy eats and poops a lot.

Carley and Shanna and Lisa all call or text, thrilled for Dodger and you both. It feels like you spend the morning on your cell and tucking shoes away that are far too tempting for a teething little guy.  After lunch Chris’s iPhone buzzes once again.  He’s on the floor, has lost a game of tag and is letting both Dodger and Puppy pile on.

You hand over the phone and pull a way-overly-excited, yapping bundle off.  

It’s Mackie from New Orleans.  As usual he is the worst.  “Another dog? Dude you are so going down. That’s a training baby right there, is what that is.  Tell Y/N she better watch out.  Finally found a chick who’ll put up with a pooch who is a bigger star than you and before you know it you will be stuffing little plastic plugs in sockets.”  

Rude.  But Anthony does have a point.  Having a new puppy is a bit like being parents.  He cries in the night. Needs to be toilet trained.  Soothed when the brief instances of separation anxiety hit.

You so need baby-proofing.

The point is brought graphically home the next breakfast time.  The perimeter fencing is set, no matter how big Puppy grows he’s safe from the rather startling cliff, but it is the interior you’d not thought much about.

“Can you get that?”  Chris yells from the shower when the doorbell rings.  

You leave aside your yogurt and granola, open the front door and sign for the script that’s arrived FedEx from New York.  Puppy, over his fear of steps, darts out, tail spinning, to investigate the exciting new visitor.  

For a minute or two you chat with the brown-clad messenger about the haze of wildfires in the air.  You’ve signed for the package and begun to head back inside before you realize that something’s missing.  

Where’s Puppy?  

Oh god.  You can’t see him anywhere.

You whistle the double note that worked before and take a quick turn around the yard, heart in mouth, worried sick that he’s somehow out on the busy street. He’s not in the garage.  Not by the front firepit.  Not struggling caught on the glossy but annoying summer holly. You are just about to call for Chris when you hear his booming laugh.  From the kitchen.  Inside the house.  

“Y/N, come look at this!”

Puppy stands on the granite island, one paw on the table mat and one ear in your breakfast bowl.  He’s slurping down the last of your cereal like it’s his last meal on earth.  

Droplets of milk and yogurt are flying everywhere.  

“Puppy, no!”  

Puppy looks up, his brown liquid eyes pleading forgiveness, and a big blob of yogurt on one corner of his muzzle.

Oh boy.  He knows he is in big trouble.  

You glare at Chris who is still over by the fridge laughing hard.   At the shocked expression on your face.  

Thanks, you think, wondering which of them is the bigger kid.   Chris.  Probably.  Although only by a hair.  

You grab a paper towel and lift Puppy down from the countertop.   Yes he is big.  And smart.  And going to be more trouble than Dodger ever was.    

After lunch you go shopping for a baby gate and outlet covers.

“Congratulations,” chirps the Target salesgirl brightly, as she scans the tag on a white safety gate. “Tara” is the name on her red polo top.  You’re sure she’s served you both before, has seen you in the checkout several times with Chris and once asked for his autograph.  

“Babies are such fun.” she goes on, placing the last pack of clear plugs into the bag. “You’re Chris Evan’s new girlfriend aren’t you?  When are you due?”

Due?   What?!  “I’m not pregnant. I’m not..”  you hasten to explain, beyond shocked that she would think you were expecting. “We just got a puppy,”  

“Oh. That’s great!”  Tara is beaming.  Obviously she’s the type who is positive no matter what you say,   but then, as she hands across the credit card receipt, the impact of what you’d answered sinks in.  

“We.”   Oh god.   You’ve just admitted you are a thing.  No one til now has twigged that you were a couple.  Had any reason to notice you, at least not when you were away from a Marvel event, and honestly unless you are at Chris’s side, why would anyone care?  

But now?  Your stomach sinks.   What was it Jenny said?  ‘One of the most objectified men in the world?’    

The last thing Chris needs is a wild rumor starting up.

You grab the ties of the ridiculously enormous cloth shopping bag in your suddenly sweating palms and practically bolt for the door;  hustle through the parking lot and slide the bag into the Lexus’s back seat.  

Once you drop down into the driver’s seat, your heart starts pounding.  A 350-pound gorilla of anxiety sits on your chest.   Was that too close?  Have you blown your cover?  Should you have tried Amazon same-day so no one puts two and two together?  You’ve only been living together for a little time.  Now that you have a joint ‘responsibility,’ how ever will you keep your status hidden from the paparazzi’s spying eyes?        

The key hovers poised at the ignition for far too long. What had you done? Had you ruined everything on an impulse? With a whimper your forehead falls slowly forward to rest on the steering wheel.  

A rap comes on the glass.

“Miss are you ok?”  

You roll down the window.  A worried looking teen in cap and red and khaki uniform has one hand on a row of carts and the other on your door.  He looks vastly relieved now that you’ve lifted your face from the steering wheel. The yellow light on the cart-pusher in the back of the row blinks at you while you try to pull yourself together.  

“Fine. Fine, thanks,” you add belatedly, doing your best to smile.  You are fine, you are. The boy seems convinced, because after a nod he begins to push the row of red plastic carts toward a small corral.

You shove the key into the column, turn the engine on, check the back up camera and the mirror, noting how pale you look.  And tired. That must be it: you’re tired from getting up in the night and not quite thinking straight.   Gingerly, you pull left onto Mulholland’s winding, palm-lined drive, only half-focused on Beverly Hills’ usual congested traffic, navigating by instinct, vastly relieved when you climb Laurel Canyon up to the familiar white stucco’d wall.  

There is no one lurking by the access gate.  Ok. Maybe you’ve overreacted a little bit   but you pull quickly through just in case, stop behind your more prosaic CRV.  

“Babe, I’m home!” you call, dumping the bag on the coir front mat.  

“Hey, he did a sit!”  Chris bounces excitedly from the dressing room, Puppy following in his wake.  “For just a minu…”  

His words trail off suddenly.  You’re chewing on the end of your ponytail.  Just as you always do when you’re upset 

“What’s wrong?”  HIs blue eyes look just as pleading as Puppy’s did before.    

How could you explain?  It was ridiculous, getting so panicked by a clerk but the truth that is you’re not quite wired for this.   Keeping things secret had been fun at first but now you’re finding it a strain.   Spontaneity is one of the things Chris loves about you.  You can’t stop being impulsive and blurting out the truth just because he’s famous. It’s too hard.  

You recount your awkward conversation at the store.   “I think I blew our cover. I’m sorry,” you mumble at last into Chris’s chest.  He’s brought those big strong arms up to cradle you, strokes his hands gently up and down your back while you blow out a long steadying breath.  A firm press of lips brushes at your temple.  

“Not sorry, Y/N.”   You start to protest but he puts a finger to your lips.  “It was bound to happen sometime soon.  We’ll handle it.  Get Jay to put out a note.”  

Jay Sekulow is his lawyer.  A pro. Knowing that he has a team who work it through makes you feel a little better but still you’re worried.  Chris pulls back, tucks one finger under your chin and tilts your head up to gaze into your eyes.   “It’s ok.  Really. The red carpet for ‘Red Sea’ is just a month away.  You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

A debut? You nod is a little wobbly.  Of course you’d like to be there with him, but coming out at premiere?  It would be a zoo.  He’s sees your hesitation.  

“We’ll keep it under wraps ‘til then.  There’s no guarantee she will say anything.”

There isn’t. Not everyone in Hollywood wants to make a buck from hotline tips.  

You sigh and feel a warm heaviness land upon your feet.  The dogs have found you.  Dodger is pressed anxiously against your calf.  Puppy is licking at your shin.  You can feel their anxiety: their ‘mom’ is sad and they want to help.

You drop a hand down to pet each fuzzy head.   “Yes,” you nod, smiling shyly through a sudden rush of tears.  You’re home.  And loved. By three awesome guys. Everything will work out all right.  ”  

 You hope.

[flyinghetfield]

Chapter 3 is done! Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2:01

You stare at the red light of your bedside clock as it glares right back and rub your eyes. Tossing to your back you groan loudly, grabbing your pillow and attempt to smother yourself. GO. TO. SLEEP. Your mind is humming with thoughts of what was going to happen tomorrow. The first practice session with Metallica was finally here and you felt like you were 7 with tomorrow being your birthday. Sitting up with a whine, you know you weren’t going to fall back asleep any time soon so you shuffle out to the kitchen. Clicking the coffee grinder on you stretch out your muscles and feel a familiar sensation around your legs. ”I know, I know.” Bending down you pick up the ball of fluff named Zorro and slowly sway him in your arms. Two years ago, you had gone through a phase when watching The Mask of Zorro and had a slight crush on Antonio Banderas which you couldn’t kick. So when your mother had recommended finding a pet when moving into the city so you wouldn’t be lonely, you were immediately attracted to the Black and white cat at the shelter with the oddly shaped Z on top of its butt. Sighing, you let Zorro wander off to his own interest as you silently pray to whoever that in the next life to come back as a cat and pour yourself a coffee. Adding way too much sugar, you avoid all the mess laying about in your lounge and plop yourself into your favourite chair, sitting right next to the window where you could watch the night life of San Francisco. Eric had told you that you were crazy for living so close to the heart of San Francisco with all the noise and the blinding lights outside but you didn’t mind, you had gotten use to the rattle of the tram as it went past and the hollering and hooting of drunkards as they came home from a night out. Zorro once again making his presence known, jumps up onto the window ledge and in a moment of peaceful silence you both watch out the window before he decides to walk off again. It wasn’t until 5 seconds later that you realise he had let of a silent but deadly fart. ”Aw come on man!” Grunting you tug up the window to get some air and grab your favourite blanket from beside you to protect you from the chilly April night. “Fricken cats.” Waiting a moment for the smell to pass, you squint at the clock in the lounge. 2:40. Rubbing your face you reach over and grab the home phone, hitting 1 and wait patiently as the dial hums through the receiver. “Mmm?” Eric’s sleepy voice comes through. ”I can’t sleep.” You hear a deep sigh and for a moment you think he’s hung up on you before his voice comes back through. “Do you want me to come around?” ”No…no you don’t have to come around. I just..” ”Y/N. You wouldn’t ring me up at-” You hear a low growl “-3 in the morning. For nothing. What’s on your mind?” ”…Tomorrow.” You heard a slight sigh. ”Mmm yes the Metallicats.” You roll your eyes and lean your head back, looking at the ceiling. “Freaking out about meeting them?” ”Mhm.” You nod, mindlessly. ”Nothing to worry about, already won over drummer boy, rest will be easy.” ”I don’t know..” ”Look.” His voice is suddenly stronger. “Your going to do fine, You always freak out before something big happens and then nothing overly dramatic does happen plus these guys deal with crazy fans all the time. You will charm the pants off the guys and they will all fall helplessly in love with you alright?” ”I know..I know.. Hey, did you suddenly become my 16 year old self?” You mused, smiling at the idea of Metallica’s pants randomly flying off to your violin skills. ”Mhm and my what dirty thoughts 16 year old you had.” You chuckle at that and then yawn. ”Now close the window.” You begin to ask how he knew but he quickly cuts in “I know its open cause I can hear all the damn noise through the phone.” You shake your head and close the window with a slight bang so he can hear. “Good. Now go to bed, sleeping beauty. We both need it.” ”Ok Prince Eric.” ”Wrong movie, Ariel.” You chuckle and say goodbye. Pouring out the rest of your drink you wander back into your room and cocoon yourself under the covers finally succumbing to sleep.

 ERRR ERRR ERRR Slamming your hand down on the clock you spring out of bed, even with only 6 hours of sleep the excitement running through your body made it feel like you had 8. Jumping in the shower, you quickly dress making sure to make your make-up was perfect and that your hair didn’t look like a birds nest. Feeding Zorro, you double check you have grabbed everything and head down to your car. Travelling to the venue you can’t help nervously tapping the steering wheel as the butterflies felt like they are going to explode through your stomach. As you turn on to the street where the building is, you notice the giant Semi trucks parked around the campus and the overwhelming amount of people walking around and carrying in equipment into the theatre. Slowing down you prepare yourself to turn into your usual parking spot but see its taken by a sleek black motorbike. Motherfu- You sigh and park in one of the spots furtherest away, getting out and curse the person who took the spot. Walking inside the flurry of people hadn’t slowed and there was multiple times you had to quickly jump out of the way from people. Feeling like a lost lamb you quickly head down to the kitchen for a breather and hope Eric was already here. As you round the corner to the kitchen door you slam straight into something hard. ”Ow” Rubbing your nose you look up at the man standing in the door and feel your legs wobble slightly. ”Oh shit sorry. Are you alright?” His worried blue eyes look down on you. ”Jason are you hurting people already?” Lars walks over to the door and his eyebrows lift when he sees you. “Y/N! Nice one Jace, hurting the talent before we have even started performing with them yet. You alright?.” You nod, feeling overwhelmed as you can feel both males staring at you. ”Nice to see as well Lars and yeah.. I should be ok.” Jason steps to the side and lets you pass into the kitchen as you go to a small mirror on the wall and check your nose. ”Nothing broken?” Jason appears behind you and you glance at him in the mirror with a small smile. ”Sore and a little red but it should be ok.” Turning around, he smiles and extends his hand out. ”I’m Jason, the bassist for Metallica.” Accepting his handshake, your smile grows. ”I know.” ’You know? You a fan?” Lars leans against the fridge, biting down on a apple. ”You could say that.” ”I’m surprised. I expected a bunch of old people with their noses stuck high in the air but it’s nice to see people our age and also fans in the orchestra.” Jason smiles then sits down at the table in the middle of the room. ”Don’t forget, good looking as well.” Lars winks at you and joins Jason. knowing that your nose wasn’t the only red thing on your face you walk over and grab a bottle of water from the fridge and take a sip. Listening as Jason and Lars ramble on about some of the changes in the songs and can’t help but stare at both of them. You always had extra love for Jason, since all the stories and interviews came out about how the band had put him through some tough love but as you watched both men chat you could see Lars had a soft spot for the guy. I just wish he would grow his hair out again. Hearing you sigh, Lars turns and looks at you. ”We aren’t bothering you are we?” You shake your head. ”No, just thinking.” ’Mm what about?” A sly smile appears on his face and you quickly look down. ”Stop teasing the poor girl Lars.” You throw your head up to see Kirk walking into the room with a smile on his face. Wow. You can’t help but stare as the dark skinned beauty as he comes closer to were you are standing and makes a little motion. “Can I?” ”Oh..s..sorry.” Jumping out the way you two are now standing next to each other, your eyes glued to his face then you they wander down to watch his lean hands as he washes them. He’s perfect! No imperfections anywhere! ”I don’t have something on me do I?” He glances at you then over at the mirror. ’Yeah you got a giant booger up your nose.” Lars laughs when walks over and double checks his nose, turning and flips him off. Hearing a sigh you notice Jason starting to move. ”Where’s the big guy at?” He stands grabbing some of the sheets of paper in front of him ”Out on the stage with Kamen.” Kirk stretchers his fingers and then yawns. ”Alright cool. I’ll see you out there Y/N” Jason smiles and proceeds out of the room. ”Y/N?… Oh yeah Lars mentioned you, he wouldn’t shut up about you when he came back from the recording a few weeks ago.” You blankly blink a few times at kirk. Wait what? Lars snorts getting up and throws his apple core in the bin. ”Hey, I see a young pretty and talented woman, I’m going to mention her once or twice.” You suddenly start to laugh at the idea of Lars talking about you and quickly cover your mouth when both men stare at you. Lars smile grows bigger at the noise. “And such a charming laugh.” Seeing kirk shake his head he mouths to you “Sorry” and you bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself grinning. ”Come on you, lets get out on the stage. Kamen was asking for you anyway.” Lars runs his hand through his hair and winks at you before walking out with Kirk trailing behind him. Holy shit. You sit down at the table and put your head in your hands. How am I going to survive this ordeal? ”There she is!” Eric bustles into the kitchen with his cello in tow. Taking one glance at you his face becomes serious. “What happened?” ”Hmm?” ”You look all flustered and your head is in your hands.” Sighing you grab a pencil sitting on the table and start to draw circles on a paper in front of you. ”Where do I start? Ran - literally - into Jason” ”The bassist? Wait literally?” You nod and touch your nose. ”He has a hard back.” Eric starts to laugh as you pout back at him “Also met Kirk and oh my he’s so pretty, Eric.” He raises up his eyebrow. “And had lars winked at me, not once but twice.” ”Wow and all of this just happened?” Nodding he whistles. “Should of came in earlier.” ”Tell me about it, Oh and some biker asshole took my carspot as well!” You burst out in frustration. ”Tch. Asshole. I think we have a bike lock somewhere around here that the Uni kids use, want to lock it to a pole?” Loving the idea, you decline. “Yeah, probably don’t want some big mean dude chasing us down and beating us up for our lunch money.” Raising a eyebrow you stare at Eric. “Too specific?” ”Just a little.” He smiles then looks out the door, seeing more people walking off towards the front. “Come on you, Kamen is probably waiting for all of us on the stage.” You whine. ”Do I have to?” ”Just move your cute butt.” You stand, silently swearing at Eric's back at as you two follow the crowd. Walking out on to the stage you first notice the gleam of the silver drum kit sitting proudly in the middle of the stage and notice Lars standing talking to Kamen. Looking towards the bass area you notice Jason getting acquainted with some of the younger guys and can see kirk scaling up and down on his guitar. Trying not to trip over anything you head over towards the strings section and stop behind a tall man, chatting with the, Greg, the harp player. ”Hey can I get past please?” They continue to chat. Annoyed you say it a little louder. ”HEY CAN YOU MOVE PLEASE?” The man turns and suddenly its like the wind is knocked out of you. ”Oh sorry.” James steps to the side and waits for you to pass. You feel a slight shove behind you as Eric pushes you forward. Oh my god. Finding your seat your eyes are glued to the man as he continues to talk with Greg, his shoulder length hair bobbing around ever so often when he laughs or nods. He’s wearing a short white T-Shirt, its sleeves rolled up and you appreciated the dark fitting jeans as they glue to all the correct places on the lower half of his body.

”I’m taking from the way you haven’t stopped staring at the tall guy, that is James?” You nod at Eric’s comment. “Hmm… He’s not too bad looking for the lead singer in a Metal band.” You snort. 

Understatement of the year buddy.

You still can’t believe that your in the same room as Metallica, seeing them smile or laugh at something someone has said or watching their concentration appear on their face while wrapping around the music that was before them made you want to pinch yourself so you could check you weren’t dreaming. Eric walks off to his spot in the Cellos and you grab your violin, trying to put the distractions of the guys standing around out of your mind and start to play some of Call of Ktulu. It only takes a few seconds but everything and everyone else drains away as you feel the vibrations of the violin hum next to you and the sweet noise echo through your ears, it was the only true way to make yourself feel calm and it was desperately needed for the moment. After playing for a few minutes, you have the sensation that your being watched and open your eyes to notice out of the corner James staring at you, watching your hand as it moved over the correct notes on the violin. Suddenly feeling brave, you gaze in his direction and feel electric when his blue eyes meet yours. You both hold what seems to be a staring contest for the next few moments before you notice a smirk appear on his lips. Casually, he breaks the gaze and walks over to his chair, grabbing his guitar and starts to strum the opening to Call of Ktulu, playing the exact part you were just playing.

Hoo boy. What a next few days this is going to be.

<Prev                                                                                                             Next>

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Stumbling

the series read as follows:

Superman … Monday … Cheezy Pouffs ... Bacon

___________________

They had two weeks … two week of pure, happy, saccharine-sweet nonsense between them before Mulder’s foot was declared safe to use, his therapy going well, his pins removed, his swelling down and his spirits up.

Then the phone rang.

Looking up at her, chin perched on hip, “why does Skinner always call? I mean, he’s got a secretary for a reason. Seriously, you’d think that man would delegate crap calls like this to someone else.”

Scully, looking down past her chest to see him, hair-tousled, eyes half-drunk with want of both sleep and her, “maybe he likes the sound of your voice.”

Dropping his head sideways into the dip of her thighs, he debated, “it does sound rather nice.”

With a smile, she wiggled her legs, rolling his head back and forth, “come on. We’ve gotta go bully our way onto a flight for Butte.”

Mulder groaned as he flopped off her, “I’m calling it ‘butt’ from now on.”

&&&&&&&&&&&

Thirteen days later, Stan Parker had killed six people, two by beheading, one by dull axe and three by draw and quarter. He’d crashed Scully’s car by draining the brake fluid, kidnapped two children of the local sheriff, raped one very lucky tourist who managed to get away instead of become beheading victim number three.

He gave Mulder nightmares that drove him to 5-hour energy and Red Bull and Scully to sleeping in the police station, showering at the motel only when the door was double locked with a chair jammed under the knob. Nobody joked, nobody ate, nobody did anything but fear what would happen next.

Taking it as his personal mission, Mulder ignored everything but Stan Parker, delving into their suspect’s mind with such fervor that when Scully touched his shoulder to get his attention, he smacked her hand off him, growling ‘go away’ without ever looking up. She knew it was the work and not her but given she was trying to tell him about the accident, she got pissed, slammed her palms on the table, knocking water and soda over in the process and sending a jolting pain through her arms, “do I have to be openly bleeding for you to turn around!?”

He didn’t.

She walked away, using the ladies room to clean up, answering another detective’s questions and letting Mulder hear about the incident from someone else.

Scully settled uncomfortably in a small conference room, her side bruised and aching, her head pounding, her mind running circles around itself, burning trails of half-formed thoughts colliding and exploding one after another, a scream building at the base of her throat, never sounding, never dissipating, just waiting.

“Scully?” He saw her eyes glittering in the half-light, open and hard and when she didn’t answer, he crouched in front of her, face cast up, hands on thighs, “I’m sorry. I … I’m sorry. Benedict just told me.” Running his fingers over her jeans, squeezing her muscles lightly, “I’m going to get him. I’m going to get him and catch him and beat him and kill him. Easy as that. I just need to get further into his head. I’m almost there, I can feel it. Just another day and I’ll have him. We’ll have him. Just one more day.”

Anger with him dissolved, hands sliding quietly over his, “you need some sleep.”

“I need to catch this guy.”

“We will but you on caffeine for four days straight isn’t going to help anyone do anything.” Moving up to elbows, “will you sit with me? Maybe take a nap?”

Knowing the stimulants in his system wouldn’t allow him to sit, let alone close his eyes, he shook his head, “later. Right now, I need to know if you’re really okay?” He reached up, touching her shoulder and immediately, she sent a wincing grimace and a muttered ‘fuck’ out into the universe. Face creasing in concern, he stood up, pulling gently at the loose shirt she had on, “how bad?”

Too tired to care at the invasion by her partner for the world to see, she tilted her head as best she could, showing him the already dark, foreboding bruises crawling down her shoulder and back, “nothing’s broken. Just took a large chunk of the back door to my side. It’ll be fine in a few days.”

Kissing her lightly below the left ear before standing, “at least it’s not your shooting arm.”

“Spoken like a true FBI agent.”

He wouldn’t be able to say anything right tonight so he simply kissed her again, this time on the forehead, “take a nap. Find me when you wake up and we’ll see what more we can do to get this bastard.”

Snagging him by the belt loop, “hey.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

This time it was the swiftest of kisses to her mouth, “I love you, too. Now go to sleep.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Stan Parker was shot by Mulder, dead center of the forehead, as he attempted to slice through a crying woman’s throat with a butter knife. Scully dropped to her knees beside the hysterical woman before Stan hit the ground, trusting in Mulder’s shot more than she trusted in her mother’s ability to make a decadent strawberry pie. Accompanying her to the hospital, Scully didn’t see Mulder again until nearly 2am, when she found him leaning on a wall in the semi-dark hallway, hands in pockets and eyes shut. Without pretense to warn him of her arrival, she slipped her arms through his, pressing against his chest while he first jumped at the shock of warm body then curled around her, recognizing scent, feel, breath and heartbeat without assistance of vision.

Nestling his face in her hair, “can we go home yet?”

“Just as soon as I return a call to Skinner and take a shower and take a nap. How are you doing? All the paperwork done?”

“Sure … except for the signatures, descriptions, weapons report and final summary.”

Pretty sure it was the exhaustion, she chuckled, then laughed into his shirt, which smelled of gunpowder and sweat, “we are stuck here tomorrow then, aren’t we?”

“Depends on if we want to go back to the station now. It’ll probably take us a few hours at most then we can sleep tomorrow.”

Rarely did he suggest paperwork over slumber. Shifting her head, looking up at his chin and nose, “are you still on your caffeine high?”

“I think I just want to get it over with so I can lay down with you and rediscover skin and sleep without giving a shit about butter knives.”

She could wait a few hours to sleep.

&&&&&&&&&

Returning Skinner’s call was the gleeful highlight of the 4am hour, which immediately crashed and burned once Scully learned they were leaving as soon as possible for Arrington, Louisiana, the right now home of somebody who enjoyed feeding live people to rabid and starving wolves through the lure of peanut butter. “Where the hell do these people come from, sir? Seriously, peanut butter?”

Skinner, groggy but alert enough to sympathize, “they come from Hell, Agent Scully, fifth or sixth level minimum.”

She could hear the apology in his voice. Contrary to how Mulder complained about their boss, Skinner really did take care of them, giving them leave when necessary, at least a day or two off between cases if possible, making sure to warn them he was coming down to their hovel so he didn’t catch anything he didn’t want to see, even though he had no idea if anything he didn’t want to see was happening in the first place but he really didn’t want to come across them accidently so he took careful preventative measures. “It’s okay. Mulder might curse you for a few hours but once he gets some sleep, he’ll be fine.”

“What about you? Wishing me dead yet?”

“Naw. Maybe a minor chest cold or a light bout of food poisoning but that’s it.”

Chuckling, “let me know how things are going.”

“Will do.”

Hanging up, she drew a deep breath, knowing Mulder would do more than a little cursing about their boss once he heard their plans for the next week or so.

And he did.

Luckily, they were in the car at this point and she was the only one privileged enough to hear his slanderous string of emphatic prose, complete with two fist-beatings on the passenger door and a forceful huff of growled air.

Better than she’d expected, actually.

&&&&&&&&&&

They stumbled, literally, onto the plane, Mulder nearly taking out a nice old man in the process of tripping on the lip of the gangway door. Scully steadied him instantly, regretting it when her shoulder pulled but glad she saved the older man from certain crushing death by FBI. Mulder apologized as best he could, then navigated to their seats, stowing carry-ons before dropping heavily into his chair, motioning her to sit down, “so I can lean on you and take a nap.”

They were both soundly out before the plane finished boarding, sleeping through take off, snacks, drinks, turbulence and landing, only stirring once the flight attendant shook them awake, “you might want to think about exiting or the cleaning crew is libel to haul you away with the trash.”

Penetrating Scully’s brain first, she roused Mulder the rest of the way, then got them off the plane and into the lobby, where Mulder stopped dead, “can we just sleep here?”

Taking both hand and luggage handle, “come on. We’ve gotta get a cab to a hotel somewhere so we can sleep for three hours before we go back to work.”

“Where are we again?”

“Louisiana.”

“Remind me to hit Skinner at some point for this.”

Two rooms paid for, Mulder followed Scully into hers, dropping bags and jeans in one swift stroke. Holding the wall for support, he pulled shoes off through pants and leaving shirt on, crashed to the bed, “if anyone wakes me in the next five hours, they’re going to wish they never heard the name Fox Mulder.”

Following suit, she shedded sweater, shoes and slacks, trading them for a cold breeze that gave her goosebumps and then a warm Mulder who pulled her close, “what if I wake you up in the next five hours?”

“We’ll renegotiate the threat.”

[jetsnacks]

Bulletproof chapter 5

HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS PLOT TIME! I’ve been really exited to mush these two plots together for a while now so I hope I pulled it off! This is also where the actual lamp starts, so get hype! Logince is still gonna be a bit of a focus, but I’m really exited to write all these dynamics as they develop. I’m a worried this was heavy handed and a lil ooc on Roman’s part. Also, I’m a big ol cheater with names. I kno.

also. The oranges line was inspired by a real experience from yours truly I shoot u not. :/ like I literally was handed an orange.

—- denotes pov change! The povs are alex (anx), Patton, then Logan if it’s unclear.

If you want to catch-up, all the fics are tagged ‘bulletproof’ on my blog!

Warnings: hicky mention, ableism mention

Chapter 5:

The sandwich wasn’t bad, if he was honest. It was better than the microwave ramen Alex had been living off of, anyway, which didn’t take much. But hey, if your standards were low you get disappointed a lot less, right?

Alex looked up from where he was hunched over his plate. Patton Moe, as he’d introduced himself, was a talker.

“Most people at work call me Moe, since it’s be to obvious that the place was named after me if they called me Patton. I mean talk about getting a big head, right?”

Alex just nodded along, occasionally making noises of agreement or sympathy, or snarky comments. He wasn’t much of a talker, never had been. Sitting around, eating free food (he gave up paying when he found out the guy owned the place,) not really participating in conversation, looking at some dumb cheery idiot do cute shi- wait.

/when did I start thinking umbrella guy was cute?/

Alex looked at him, trying to pay more attention. Patton was talking about a local farm he’d been buying from. Apparently they let him pet the baby goats. Apparently, petting baby goats is life changing, because Patton had a look on his face like he was talking about witnessing a miracle.

“And Jodie said the little guy liked me! Can you believe it? He just followed me around all day head butting my leg till I paid attention to him! I didn’t even give him food or anything! It was the sweetest! And-”

Alex spaced out again for a bit, watching him talk. He had never been a fan of optimists. Especially squeaky optimists, who did things like buying local and carrying bright umbrellas.

They always seemed nice, at first, always fighting for a good cause, but as soon as they got to know you it was 'you should really come to yoga with me’ and 'have you tried this kale from my friends garden it’ll really help’. It made him want to scream things like 'yes, I know vitamins are good for you, but an orange won’t cure my depression, martha.’

But Patton didn’t seem to care about that. He wasn’t teaching a lesson, there wasn’t a moral to it, he was just… really exited that a baby goat liked him. Alex shrugged off the glimmer of hope. /he probably just doesn’t know you enough. Once he finds out you aren’t vegan or whatever he’ll act just like the rest./ He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach as he watched Pattons dimples light up his face. Ok. Yeah. Maybe cute was the right word. Unfortunately.

—-

Patton was halfway through a story about how he fell into the feed bin because he was trying to get the goat to stop eating his shoe when the door chimed. He looked up, expecting another late lunch customer, but did a double take, perking up even more before falling into a sympathetic frown. “Logan! It’s been too long- oh no, honey what happened?” The sweet hearted busker he met earlier looked at him funny. “He looks calm to me.” Alex muttered into his food. (He ate like he thought someone was going to steal it. It made Pattons protective instincts go haywire, and he had to ignore the urge to follow him home to stock his fridge. Or. Haha. Stalk his fridge. Focus, Patton, dang it.)

After giving himself a mental smack on the head, he turned back to his friend. He would be the first to admit that Logan was hard to read, but after years of slowly getting him to open up with free pastries and suggesting decaf when his eye bags got overly pronounced, he considered himself literate. Loganrite. Nice one. (Focus, Patton.) Logan let out a long breath, pulling a up a chair and crumpling into it. His posture was too loose, his fingers tapping too fast.

“That bad, huh?” Logan nodded. Patton got up, tutting gently. “You try to relax, I’ll get you something to eat, ok? Oh!” He whirled back around to the table.

“Probably not a great time for introductions, but, Alex, this is my old friend, Logan! And Logan, this is my new friend, Alex! He might be a little prickly and introverted at first… you know what, you’ll get along great what am I talking about.” Patton shot them a brilliant smile and fussed his way back to the kitchen, collecting empty plates and cups as he went.

—-

Logan tried to pull himself together, noticing the other man at the table for this first time. He must be more upset than he thought, if he missed details like that. Alex was finishing off one of Pattons sandwiches, slouched in the chair, black hoodie covered in crumbs. A guitar case was slung over the back of the chair. He was eyeing Logan carefully from above giant dark circles. He clearly didn’t sleep much.

Logan was intimately familiar with eye bags. He had made a color key at some point. Alex was somewhere near purple-green, on his way to practically having a bruise all the way to his cheek bones. Logan had seen those in the mirror too many times to not recognize them.

That wasn’t a voluntary all-nighter. That was a 'couldn’t sleep if you tried’.

“What.” Alex spit, accusingly. Logan shifted his gaze. “The guitar case. I’ve seen you busk here before.” Alex shrugged. “Yeah. Probably. So?” “You’re good.” He blinked, sitting up in his chair slightly. “I’m- what?” “I said-” “No I heard you. I just. Uh. Thanks? I guess?” It was Logans turn to shrug. “It was just an observation. You know, Patton would hire you if you asked.” Alex scoffed. “Yeah, I’m not great a waiting tables. Keeping a smile on my face for that long hurts my face. And my soul.” Logan brushed off the hyperbole and went on. “I meant as a musician.” Alex furrowed his brow, but didn’t say anything, so he continued. “Patton has hired live musicians before, for the patio or indoors. I haven’t seen him do it in a while, but it might just be him forgetting entire aspects of his business again.” He let a small smile curl his lips, leaning in closer. “He forgot they had a coffee machine for 5 months until he stubbed his toe on the box in the back room.” Alex let out a small laugh. “I feel like you’re lying to me but I also feel like that could have happened.” Logan pulled out his phone.

“I have evidence. I record him admitting it whenever he does something particularly scatterbrained. There’s a 'days since our last moe disaster’ board in the kitchen, too.” Logan smirked. “But he never remembers to change the day number.”

Alex chuckled, leaning in to listen to Patton being coaxed into telling the phone what he did. They listened to a few recordings together, Logan feeling the heaviness from the morning lifting off his shoulders. Alex was funny, quick witted, and more than ready to poke fun at Pattons antics. His dry humor was the perfect distraction, and Logan found himself hoping more and more that Alex would start playing regularly indoors.

Eventually, all the food was gone, and Alex was hefting his guitar back over his shoulder, looking out the window. “Looks like the rain cleared up… I should probably take the spot again before someone else does.” Logan bit back disappointment.

“You’ll look into what I said, right? About the job here?”

Alex looked at him. Logan wasn’t good at reading emotions, but he looked surprised, then it melted into something soft, almost sad, that Logan couldn’t name but it made him want to pull Alex back down into the chair and not let go of his hand. “Uh. Yeah, I’ll. I’ll think about it.” Alex gave him a little smile, then headed outside to set up. Logan heard Patton bustling around the kitchen, cars running through puddles outside, the bubbly music spouting from the radio. He saw Alex start playing, and stretched his senses to listen, catching a note or two occasionally.

He tried to focus on clearing his email, but it was no use when his frustration with Roman started creeping up his spine again. He watched Alex play out of the corner of his eye until Patton came over, a gentle hand on his shoulder and a large pile of food.

The more upset he got, the more food Patton gave him. He must look really upset, judging by the plate. Or maybe Patton was just in 'dad mode’ today, trying to feed everyone he met. Logan always paid for it all, but Patton never charged for what he didn’t finish. The leftovers usually went into Pattons fridge for the next time Logan needed a change of scenery.

He started to eat, telling Patton bits and pieces of what happened between bites, when something caught his eye. Alex had stopped playing, and was talking to a well put together man with white slacks and a red button down shirt, who looked strangely familiar.

The man turned to hand something to Alex, and the collar of his shirt slipped, revealing a dark bruise. A very familiar dark bruise. With teeth marks. Logan stood up very suddenly, a storm crossing his face. Patton broke off mid sentence as Logan strode across Pattons plants and swung open the door. Roman had spotted him and, seeing the now pretty obvious rage, elected to make a run for it. “I- think about my offer, I should really go-” “ROMAN?” Logan hated it when his voice broke, but it had the desired effect. Roman flinched back, pushing sunglasses back up his nose instinctively. “Yup. Time to go.” He made a swift retreat to a black car waiting on the corner, followed by Logans glare the whole way. The car sped off, leaving Logan to run a hand through his hair aggressively on the curb. Alex looked from the card in his hand, to Logan, to the car retreating down the street, and back to the card. “I have so many questions.”

[twaaaaaa]

Update on athletics, goals and life in general

This post is long-winded, vulnerable and brutally honest. You’ve been warned.

So this season was a total bust.

I set out on the 2016-17 season with pretty clear goals: go less intense than last year, concentrate on just a few half-Ironmans and build up to an Iron in April at a pace that wouldn’t burn me out like what happened to me last year. Simple, right?

And then life got in the way.

For various reasons, I missed two half-Irons in the fall. (The first was a trade-off - cancel my vacation but take a promotion at work. The second was a missed flight.) No big deal, right? It’s a bit of missed momentum, but nothing that can’t be recovered from.

And then I just couldn’t bring myself to switch into Ironman mode. I couldn’t split my sleep schedule in two for three days a week, even though I was now working saner hours and regular weekends. I couldn’t wake up at 3:30 a.m. to run. I skipped the extra swimming sessions I promised myself I’d do. I didn’t feel that drive, that motivation, that hunger. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone, but I was burnt out.

It’s a weird thing to admit to myself even now. In theory, I still love triathlons. The community is wonderful and they’re a huge part of my identity. Race days still excite me. But just like injuries in endurance sports, burnout builds up over time and with repetition. I just couldn’t do the grind anymore.

And the burnout wasn’t just athletic. Life was getting in the way too - there was massive anxiety over my job, which turned out to have a good cause. In April the company I work for laid off almost half its staff and offered the rest of us contracts that were tough to swallow - and then gave us three days to decide on them.

Going through the buildup to the contract decision day made me realize something else: I don’t really have a support system left in Abu Dhabi. It’s a consequence of expat churn in a country of 89% expats, and the social instability that comes with it. One of the major challenges of the place is rebuilding your friend group every six months or so when your friends move to new countries or emirates, or just cycle out of your social circle in general. All the people I was talking with about the career anxiety were already overseas or expecting to leave the UAE this year anyway.

The other source of emotional burnout was the relationship side of my life. Without going into too many whiny details, there were three women who came into my life, sequentially within a few short months who independently made me think that finally, I had found someone I really liked who would turn into the kind of relationship I’d been hoping for. After nearly three years of being single and mostly dateless. And so I invested a lot of time and energy into each one, only to have things fall apart with them for reasons beyond my control. One had mental health issues and took herself out of the dating pool entirely, one had physical health problems and too busy a schedule, and one just went from full-throttle to ghost in the span of a week.

One massive disappointment like that I can handle and recover from. But three in a row hit, plus the existential anxiety about my job me hard and sent me to a bad place for a while. That was at the end of my usual UAE racing season, and by that time my training was so bad that I had downgraded my hopes for the post-season race to a half-Ironman a month later than the Iron would have been, and then just nothing at all. I don’t want to use the word depression, because it hasn’t been diagnosed by a doctor, but it was hard for me to get out of bed in the morning and I just shut down for a little while. My nutrition lapsed and I lost too much weight, which for me makes for a downward spiral. My boss even pulled me aside and told me he was concerned about my performance at work.

The expat life ain’t all sunshine and roses, despite what my Facebook feed makes it look like.

I managed to pull myself out of that spiral with a vacation and a visit from my parents. Nothing makes you get out of bed and scramble to get your life looking like it’s together like the fear of disappointing your mother. After they left I realized I had to do something to keep myself from sinking back into that same rut.

It started with the nutrition. I started planning a week of meals at a time and prepping them on the weekends. I know how losing weight from poor nutrition affects the rest of my life, so that was the clearest first step to get out of this funk.

And then April came with the contracts. I was offered one but found it unpalatable. It took me literally until the final hour to decide whether to take it, though, because it’s been four and a half years since I came here and being an expat in Abu Dhabi has become part of my identity. I went through a lot of soul searching, which could be the subject of another long post, and had a few serious what-if discussions. But in the end, I realized that the terms of the new contract would just exacerbate the problems that led to the rut I’ve found myself in these past few months, and cut off the ways I’ve been able to cope with them.

So I turned it down. My contract expires June 30. And since UAE residence visas are tied to employment, I’ll most likely be leaving the country and probably heading back to the US.

There’s one other major thing that happened as part of the contract decision. (Warning: more relationship complaints ahead.) There’s a girl back in my hometown who is everything I want in a girl. I’d been harboring a massive crush on her for years - by far bigger than anything else I’ve felt since the last breakup - but never made a move because I lived overseas and she either had a long-term boyfriend (complete with a joint mortgage and two dogs) or had broken up with the boyfriend and was still reeling. Still, we talk almost every day, spent all the free time we could together when I visit home and I’d seen some encouraging signs from her. Hell, when my parents came to visit she got up at 5 a.m. to buy a box of fresh donuts and drop them off with my parents so they could bring them to me on the plane. And it would have been more than a year since they had broken up by the time I got back to the US in August if I turned the contract down. Plus, the Tampa-St. Pete area where she lives is one of the places I’d like to find a job in.

I didn’t hang my decision on what she said, but I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t a factor I had to consider. So I asked her what she thought. Unfortunately through text and not voice - I tried, but she literally fell asleep on me as I was about to bring the topic up. Snored and everything. I asked her if she would want to give dating me a shot this summer if I were to turn down the contract.

And she said no. She wasn’t attracted to me, she never had been and those donuts were something she’d do for any friend. And I was such a close friend to her that she didn’t want to risk messing up the friendship.

It hurt. God, did it hurt.

And it led to more soul-searching. I’ve always struggled with being the guy that girls love to keep around as a friend, that gets told that any girl would be lucky to have him, but never gets seen as an actual relationship prospect. Meeting people through Tinder or other dating apps helps with that, as it frames me as a romantic prospect in the girl’s mind from the get-go, but even after a few dates I usually ultimately get the same speech: “You seem like a great guy and I want to keep you as a friend, but I’m not attracted to you that way.”

This is not Nice Guy whining. The problem is not with the girls and their attitudes towards me. The problem is me, and whatever it is that doesn’t get them to see as boyfriend material.

To be brutally honest, I think one of the main factors in that predicament is looks. Something I’ve also struggled with for a long time. I don’t remember the last time I got complimented on the way I look, but I know it’s been years. Years. And there aren’t a lot of simple ways I can improve them anymore. I dress in clean, styled, well-tailored clothes. I have a haircut that I’m finally happy with and I keep current with my grooming. I even had Lasik, which got rid of the glasses and the tired eyes from contacts. Effort has certainly been made. And I don’t consider myself ugly - just not attractive.

But I’m still skinny, as is pointed out to me so many times per week. That’s what happens when most of the calories you consume are burnt up in long-distance endurance training and racing. And it’s been brought up as a factor in dating rejections. “I could never date a guy who weighs less than I do” is something I’ve heard a few times. The one that echoes, though, is from a fellow triathlete: “You don’t look athletic enough for me to be attracted to you. Now tell me how your Ironman went.”

The thing is, in long-distance running and cycling skinny means fast. It’s all about the power-to-weight ratio, and though I may not have much power I have even less weight, which makes me sleek and speedy, especially in the hot, flat places I race. That’s what I’ve tuned my body for over the past decade. God, it’ll be 11 years this weekend since I started riding seriously. And I’ve been skinny my entire life before that. Sure, I have leg muscles from all the cycling and running, but that doesn’t count for much.

And yeah, it’s shallow. But I’m in my 20s, where dating and relationships are still heavily influenced by looks and shallow aspects and everything else you notice on first and second impressions. I really do think that the combination of unassuming looks, introversion, aversion to drugs/alcohol and genial personality tip the balance toward the benign “he could be a great, caring friend” side of the scale as opposed to the “he could be a hot, loving boyfriend” side. But what would that scale look like if my looks went from unassuming to “wow, he’s hot.”

So let’s review where I’m at right now:

Dissatisfied with life. Possibly mildly depressed.

Burnt out from endurance training but still love the sport.

At a transition stage in life for the next six months. Belongings like sports equipment and clothing will be discarded or packed, and housing may change a few times.

Likely moving to an area where racing happens in the summer, not the winter like it does here.

Which means an awkward summer and fall where my normal endurance training is at a trough and everyone else is at their peak.

Likely moving to a new area, which means a whole different set of friends and potential dates.

Nutrition is actively managed with weekly prep sessions.

Solution to one of the main stressors likely involves changing myself physically, in a way I haven’t been able to because of endurance training.

Need a change.

Take all these factors together, stir them up and bake them for a few weeks of overthinking while on vacation and you get this:

Time to hit the gym.

For the past month I’ve been going down to my apartment’s gym three times a week and following the Starting Strength full-body routine. I haven’t ridden a bike or run or swam since February, apart from one crazy mountain bike race I did in Poland a few weeks ago. I’ve taught myself the basic lifts using Youtube and taking advice from a few friends who know about these things, and apart from that I’ve told almost nobody. I don’t intend to talk about it on Facebook either. I want to see who notices when I start to gain.

Because make no mistake, upper-body hypertrophy is the main goal here. There will be other benefits that hopefully will help in the long run, but first and foremost I want my shirts to not fit anymore. I want to stop poking extra holes in my watch bands. I want to catch people checking me out in the grocery store. I want to feel confident taking my shirt off at the beach or pool. I want to smile at myself in the half-length mirror in the morning.

I want people to think I’m hot. I want people to tell me I’m hot. I want to think I’m hot.

This doesn’t mean I’m taking up competitive bodybuilding or lifting. The long-term goal is still endurance sports. This move from cardio to the gym will last until winter, when it’ll be time for base miles and the start of the next (northern hemisphere) racing season. The goal is to be at the right weight and muscle mass by then, and then I’d focus on maintaining the gains while rebuilding endurance.

The gym should help in a few other ways. Having a stronger upper body will mean a much stronger swim, which has always been my weakest event. The core strength I’m looking to develop should help on longer bikes and runs. And I’m still working out my legs (even adding rotations on the leg machines, because my upper body can’t bear enough squatting weight to tire out my leg muscles yet), so the added strength there should help with technique stabilization and injury prevention.

This does mean I’ll lose cardio endurance, so I think realistically I’ll have to take a year or so to build up to half-Iron strength again, and two years to Iron strength. But my body knows what it’s like to have that much endurance already, and regaining is always easier than gaining for the first time.

Nutrition-wise, I’m ramping up the calories and shifting from a carb-based goal to a protein-based goal. I still have to drink my weight-gainer protein shake after I finish typing this up. My weight still fluctuates and I’m not always perfect in following my nutrition plan, but I’ve still weighed more this month than I ever have before. From age 16 until March my weight stayed mostly between 127 and 133 pounds, sometimes getting as high as 136. This month I hit 139 - so, so, close to the 140 mark. It’s down to 136.5 again now, but I hope to hit 140 on at least one day next month.

The gym focus also means I’ll be able to train consistently even as I move homes and do God-knows-what with my bikes and equipment. It’ll be good to have that kind of stability, even if I have to switch to bodyweight exercises for a bit.

It’s also refreshing to go back to the novice level. I’ve never gone consistently to the gym before, so I’ve had to teach myself everything. I had to figure out what my weight limits were, what exercises to do, what program to follow and even how to work some of the machines. I haven’t had to learn anything new in triathlon for years, by comparison. And I’m already making small gains.

I went to a triathlon team meeting for the first time in a while this weekend and opened up about the gym focus (though now all the reasons behind it). They were supportive and a few said I looked a little bigger - though that may have just been my clothing choice that day.

I’ll likely be leaving the UAE for good in July or August. It’s the middle of May now, which gives me about two months to gain enough to make an impression on those who last saw me in December. And six months until November kicks off the training season for 2018. This is new territory for me, so I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to grow by then.

But I know that I will be growing. I’ll be moving forward towards my goals.

And for endurance sports as well as life, momentum is a good thing.

(If you came here through Facebook, please don’t mention the relationship, job loss, country switching or gym focus on the comments about the post. I’m not keeping it a total secret, but I don’t want to broadcast it to the public yet.)

[729renegades]

Being Healthy on the Inside and Out – Part 2

Following on from my article last month, I introduced you to the exciting new product that we are developing behind the scenes that’ll help us attract more business owners into the Renegades circle.

Everyone wants different things, but we all want to be successful and this month I continue to discuss what an important part your health and wellbeing plays in being healthy on the inside and out. I firmly believe that if you look after yourself in a small way, you’re better equipped to deal with the demands of running a business and juggling a family and private life.

Let’s be fair, if you feel like shit then you normally can’t muster up enough effort to have a great day. You may get away with the odd day for a cough or cold but if its sustained then everything suffers. This is why when I appraised myself and my situation, I knew things had to change for the better.

How many times have you used that old excuse of working long, tired, no time? Bollocks! It’s a matter of priorities.

Your biggest asset is you and your health and well-being. It doesn’t matter if you have the best ideas, or you are the greatest ever entrepreneur – when you’re dead, you’re dead! If you can’t muster up the energy to do everyday tasks then you’re going to struggle with the demands of running a business, being an entrepreneur, a wife, mother, husband, and a father.

I discovered that if I wanted to work on me, then I had to make time for me.

The good Lord isn’t making any more time.

Your biggest asset is you and your health and well-being. It doesn’t matter if you have the best ideas, or you are the greatest ever entrepreneur – when you’re dead, you’re dead

It doesn’t matter who you are or how much money you have, there’s still only 24 hours in a day. At some stage in that day you have to factor in sleeping and eating, the rest is up for grabs.

I heard a great saying the other day, “Busy is a choice”, I love that saying. How many times do you ask, “How are you?” or “How’s things?” and the reply is, “I’m so busy”. My inner voice screams “Really, really, everyone’s bloody busy”!! I obviously don’t say that, if someone has a genuine problem, I love to help but, on most occasions, they’re just moans and groans about life in general and life choices that people make.

My father used to say whenever he was asked that, “How are you?” question, he would always say “Good, Excellent or Great”.

I found out, as I grew up, he’s a wise man, he used to say, “It doesn’t matter if life is bad and things are getting you down, nobody wants to hear about how bad it is, so they simply don’t listen”.

He’s right, if you ask someone how they are, and they start back with, “Terrible because Auntie Ethel’s got a cold and Mum’s cat got run over….” Straight away you think shut up and switch off. We all have our own issues and problems.

What I’ve found is by saying, “Excellent” or “Super Well” people genuinely say, “really, how so” and are now interested and perked up themselves. I’d much rather people say, “Steve is such a positive person, always happy…” Than “Did you see Steve today, he’s a miserable old bastard…” your behaviour and demeanour can positively or negatively affect you and those around you.

I said I would share what works for me so here goes:

The alarm is set of 0545, I either go to the gym or I get to the office, whether that’s the home office or work office. I try and do between 3 and 5 workouts a week. Doing it by yourself at that time of the morning can be tough, so get a kindred spirit or do as I did and get a personal trainer. When I started that, could I afford it? No, my mindset was, could I afford not to? The answer again was. . . No. You don’t need to be loaded to get a trainer, again it’s about priorities. A decent trainer will cost you about £25 a session, that’s 3 bottles of wine a week or one take away – you pick!

I normally do 2 sessions with the trainer a week, Monday and Friday mornings are my preferred choice. Monday ensures the odd glass of wine on a Sunday lunch doesn’t spread to two bottles over the day! Friday finishes the week off when the energy levels can be sagging slightly and sets the weekend up perfectly. On the other occasions I’ll do a session the trainer has given me, hit the weights or even take a class in the gym.

One way I have found that spurs me on besides the thought of getting killed by my trainer is to set myself crazy challenges. I have done Duathlons, Obstacle Courses, Triathlons, 10K runs, I’ve already mentioned that Cardiff Half Marathon.

Most recently I set myself a target of raising £10,000 for a Cancer Hospital that saved my Mother’s life when she had breast cancer. She was 70, it was 15 years since she had the treatment. I agreed to cycle 400 miles in 5 days across the North Island of New Zealand with a bunch of other crazy folk I had never met before. That kept me going for a year!

On other days when I get in the office, I try not to get into work stuff until after 0830. That’s the same as if I’ve been training. On these days I do some self-development stuff. I write, I read, I listen or learn.

Recently I’ve started using an App called Headspace to meditate and that has really helped my sense of wellbeing.

The App allows you to meditate even if you’ve never had a go before or if you are a seasoned expert. It helps you and sets you on course.

For me I found it when I was struggling with a feeling of anxiety, but I use it now most days just to give my mind that time, perhaps 20 minutes, to switch off and declutter.

It certainly helps me as I find myself thinking fast from the moment my eyes open until they close at bed time.

Meditation gives me that peace and time to put things back in the places they should be. It’s like my brain files things where they should be while I am concentrating on my breathing!!!

These mornings are my saviour and it’s my working on “me time”.

A word here for all those people who say, “Oh I hate mornings” or “Sorry, I don’t do mornings. I was one of you, but I changed because I wanted to, and I saw the value in changing. I made a choice, you can too.

If you had asked my wife if she could see me getting up before 6am and doing what I do now, she literally would have died laughing. When we first met, I’d be in bed until after 8 most days. I was lazy and depressed. That allowed the negativity to keep eating away and I gave it the fuel it needed to survive by my routines and choices.

I find that once I’ve started the day off well, I make a sensible breakfast choice, I have energy, I feel good and that feeds through the rest of the day. When I feel like that and a challenge comes in then I’m ready to face it and find it easy to roll with the ups and downs of the day with a positive frame of mind. When I was in a bad place and bad routines then if a challenge came in, I’d blame every man and his dog and wished I’d never got up, the negativity would feed my day and it would go pair shaped from there.

There’s a saying, “Win the morning – Win the day”, and there have been loads of books and people to follow on this. Miracle Morning is a book that I read. It advocates getting up very early. I liked it but I made my own way. One guy that I follow on Social Media is Jocko Willick. He’s an American ex-Navy Seal Commander and he’s passionate about his morning rituals. He has started a 0430 club on twitter and takes a photo of his watch every morning showing something like 0431 Rise and Shine with his favourite #getafterit. Maybe he appeals to my ex forces mentality, but it does make me smile.

The morning is key for me. But what time is best for you? When will you be able to start a positive routine and stick to it?

I get the exercise done and, in the bag, early doors. It’s at a time that doesn’t give me an excuse that it could hamper with family – they are all still in bed and work can’t get in the way because that hasn’t started yet either. It gives me time to think and plan and I can sometimes kill two birds with one stone by listening to an audiobook or podcast while training. Self-development and exercise done by 7.30am!! If you honestly think you have no more time in the day – set your alarm earlier. I appreciate that those with young children may disagree but find your space at other times. If you have a young family, that normally means they are in bed for 8pm so instead of watching Netflix with a glass of wine, start your positive routine then. Get your running shoes on or just do something with your spouse or partner, read a book, work on yourself until 10pm. I know you’re tired, funny enough I am in the morning when I wake up for the gym! It’s a matter of choices. As I said at the beginning, be happy with your choices but don’t complain if they are not serving you.

One thing that does help me on those early mornings is a positive mantra I say to myself every morning when I wake up and swing my legs out of the bed onto the floor. As I sit there for a moment gathering myself together, I just say, “Great people do great things” and I’m away. Its sounds better than, “Move fatty!” I am sure you’ll agree. Find your mantra, something that works for you. There are no shortage of great quotes and motivational snippets to help inspire you. Just Google “Motivational Quotes”. Another of my clients was hit by the idea in one of our sessions to use the phrase, “You choose your attitude” and he uses that every day now. That has worked well for him.

Napoleon Hill talks about positive affirmations and mantras in his famous book Think and Grow Rich in the chapter Auto Suggestion. If you haven’t read that then that can be one of the first things you do in your new routine!!

Look at every aspect of your day and how you can install good positive routines that eventually become habits. Email can suck the life out of every day. We’re fixated in holding our smart phones and replying instantly to emails as they arrive. Try and segment the day and only answer emails at certain times of the day.

Again, I don’t have all the answers, many will have all the excuses, others will give it all a try and adapt to make it fit for them and gain little wins and that’s all you can hope for.

Fact of the matter is this. . . If you want things to change in your life you have to make changes yourself. If you keep doing what you’ve done, you keep getting what you’ve got. Think into your life and what you want from it, I doubt that lethargy, reactive and negative will be words at the top of anyone’s list. If that is the case make sure what you do every day ensures those words can’t get on your list as its filled with other more positive ones like confidence, proactive, energy, positivity etc.

Your behaviour and demeanour can positively or negatively affect you and those around you

There will be some tough choices and you need to give yourself a talking to in order to stop the lure of Netflix and the red wine bottle but, remember, these are YOUR choices – nobody makes them for you.

A great routine doesn’t have to start at 5am, what about 8am or 11am, what about using your lunch break or 3pm. Why not 9pm?

Do something every day that evolves around your values and energises you.

Walking, reading, meditating, breakfast with your family, a song sung at the top of your lungs with the kids on the school run. Whatever it is makes little difference, as long as it’s positive.

Give yourself permission to spend time working on you. One of my clients has triplet girls and the mornings are filled already with breakfasts, teeth cleaning, school uniforms, hair, pony tails and that’s before 7am!! How can you possibly throw some me time in there? We talked about giving himself permission to take an hour in the day, after all he works late, after the girls have gone to bed so why can’t he allow himself that hour in the day. By giving yourself permission, you avoid that feeling of guilt, “I should be at my desk…” that feeling is serving nobody. I’m sure that when you spend that Saturday morning at your desk you’re thinking, “I should be with my family” or when you work to 10pm every evening you say, “I should be with my wife”. That feeling is common amongst us business owners and is not helpful. If you’re like me, you’ll never get it spot on but with permission you will be better at it.

There are so many other things that people do and believe in, like journaling and time blocking but I don’t do those things.

Other people make to do lists, but I find that they make you feel pressured and worse, especially as we tend to make long ones and leave them unfinished.

This leads to frustration, feeling of inadequacy and helplessness.

Something that I do and advocate for everyone’s health and wellbeing is to write that list and make it as long as you want but when it’s done sit there and get a highlighter pen and mark the one, most important thing that you can do today that makes today a success.

Once you’ve done that, just do that one and you can leave the office with a win.

It doesn’t matter how big or small that task is but by highlighting it as the one thing and doing it – you’ve won the day and you can go home with a sense of accomplishment.

How many times do you write that list and don’t even do anything but spend all day running around like a crazy person? You fill the entire day and sometimes don’t even have time for lunch. When you get home your lovely spouse says, “How was your day?” and you feel like you’ve achieved nothing.

You can stop that ever happening again by picking that one thing and doing it.

Go home every day a winner.

That’s a great tip for being healthy on the inside and the outside.

All the things I’ve outlined over the last two months help me achieve good health on the inside and the outside.

Routines

Exercise

Self-Development

Meditation

Mindful of outside negativity

Never compare yourself to others

Doing what is right and works for you

Daily mantras

Positivity

Challenge yourself

Owning and taking responsibility for your choices

So, over to you –

How can you feel healthy on the inside and the out – every day?

What will you do tomorrow morning that could change your entire day?

How can that first hour really set you up to win the day.

What will you say to yourself when you put your feet on the floor as you sit on the edge of the bed? What will your mantra be?

What will you give yourself permission to do today?

Be intentional about looking after yourself on the inside and the outside and it’ll make a huge difference in your life.

Good luck!

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