#when i explicitly told him no
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seven
empires superpowers au masterlist (not up to date)
this story takes place about a year after the end of ‘poisoned rats’.
cw: light eye horror
~
He’s still new to the whole going-to-work thing. It’s kind of like school, and Jimmy had never liked school, but it’s different in the way that he’s getting paid for his work. And it’s a decent bit more enjoyable than school—he’s learning about cars, getting familiar with the inner workings of machines, and he hasn’t properly had the chance to pop open a hood since he was a teenager and would help his dad with checking the coolant and whatall.
It’s nothing glamorous, but Jimmy really likes his job—more than when he worked as a call service agent, at least. Today he’d learned how to even the weight of a motorcycle, and even though he’d pinched his fingers between the exhaust pipe and the engine, his boss had praised his efforts and let him off early.
Scott usually picks him up from work—they’ve got a second car, but Jimmy doesn’t take his driving test until this weekend so he’s not really meant to be driving himself anywhere—but Scott isn’t free for another hour, so Jimmy meanders around downtown.
He used to live on these streets, so it’s more instinct and less purpose that leads him down to the park across the block from his old apartment building—now closed, he observes, for renovations. The park is lonely at this time of day, two rusting swings hanging silently and a plastic slide gleaming in the sun.
Jimmy stops for a moment, stares at the yellowed grass and bleached plastic playground equipment. He’d never allowed himself to go anywhere near this park, a spot of joy for the kids living in the rundown neighborhood.
He can’t hang here long for risk of being chased off by some bathrobe-clad mother, accusing him of being a predator, so Jimmy turns back to the main part of downtown and heads back in the direction of the mechanic. Maybe Scott’s patrolling in the area, can show off some ice tricks.
There’s a handful of other walkers starting to appear when he makes it back into downtown proper, mostly those returning to work from lunch and high schoolers skipping out of school early. Once upon a time, Jimmy knew how to blend in perfectly with this crowd. Once upon a time, he could never stay in one place for too long.
He slides in among them just as easily as he once might have, moving at the same speed and keeping to the common footpath. He keeps his eyes down and dodges anyone coming from the other direction without issue.
Which is why it’s weird when someone runs right into him.
“Oh, geez—sorry, can I—”
“Well, isn’t it great to see you!”
Jimmy blinks, flinches as the man he’d run into slaps him on the back a couple of times. He . . . he has no clue who this is.
His mind instantly cycles through various brutes from Xornoth’s manor, but this face doesn’t match any of them. This man is a bit stocky, straw-colored hair hanging over his forehead, thin beard a bit darker in color. He’s smiling widely, even as he takes Jimmy by the hand and starts dragging him off.
Jimmy can’t help it—some strange man is pulling him away and he panics—with a snap of adrenaline—
The man jumps back, Jimmy coming with him, as a chair is thrown out of the window of the building beside them, narrowly missing them. He chuckles, taps his nose knowingly.
“You aren’t getting me with that one! Don’t worry, I just want to talk. How about in that deli?”
He doesn’t point anywhere, strangely enough, so Jimmy just glances around until he sees a deli.
All the well-trained alarm systems in Jimmy’s brain are firing, but. . . .
Now that he thinks about it, there is something familiar about this man. Maybe it’s his cadence, or his eyes—
And Jimmy realizes with a start that the man is blind, his eyes clouded over, faded scars stretching across them.
He’s shocked enough that he lets the man lead him into the deli, grab them a table, and order himself a sandwich.
That’s when he notices that the man is not only blind, but has earplugs in.
“I’m sorry,” he finds himself saying loudly as the man tucks into his sandwich, “I think you may have mistaken me with someone else.”
The man winces. “You don’t have to shout, I’m right here,” he says around a mouthful of sandwich. “And no, Tim, I know who you are.”
If that isn’t ominous. And also the wrong name, though it once again scritches at the part of his brain that finds something about this man so oddly familiar. “Jimmy,” he automatically corrects. “Not Tim. And I really ought to get going—”
“Back to Scott?”
Jimmy freezes, halfway out of his seat.
“Because I’m pretty sure he’s patrolling around the East side of the city, y’know. Unless you want to call Lizzie. Pretty sure she’s not busy at the minute.”
The man takes another bite out of his sandwich, scratches his beard.
Jimmy’s stomach goes cold. How did he—how can—it’s—
“See Tim, there’s not a lot that I don’t hear about,” the man continues. “However, there is something that I need to know, if you wouldn’t mind answering.”
He needs to get away. Fight or flight has fully kicked in, and Jimmy needs to run. Jimmy raises his hand, ready to do—something, shatter his chair or collapse the table or hurt him in some way—but the man only tsks.
“Come on then, none of that. The three of us have got to stick together, really. Wouldn’t be good to start fighting, especially with the way Nine acts.”
Slowly, Jimmy sits back down. It’s not because he’s intimidated, he tells himself. His fingers twitch. He could kill this man in an instant, and no one would ever know.
The man puts down his sandwich in its wrapper and leans in, head tilted a bit to the side. “So,” he says lowly, “did you kill them?”
Jimmy knows, instinctively, that he means Xornoth.
And it’s not intimidation that makes Jimmy answer. It’s some strange feeling that he knows this man, and cares about him. Something familiar in the line of his nose and the color of his hair.
“Yeah,” says Jimmy in the same low tone. “Yeah, I did.”
The man sits back, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Good. I figured you did, y’know, but I was sleeping when it happened. You could’ve pulled a runner, y’know? Could’ve been someone else to get them. That wouldn’t have been right, though. It had to be one of their . . . erm, what did they start calling them? Subjects?”
Jimmy swallows, then mutters an answer in the affirmative. He keeps having to remind himself that he doesn’t know this man, as familiar as he is. How does he know so much?
“Right. Back in my day, we were ‘participants’. What a joke.” The man shakes his head, then takes another bite of his sandwich. “Well, thanks for the info. I won’t tell anyone, promise—well, I’ll tell Nine, but Nine isn’t much of a talker, so it won’t get out or anything.”
“Right,” Jimmy manages. He checks his phone; Scott should be coming to pick him up soon. He casts his eyes about, trying to think of anything to say to the strange man with white scars and earplugs.
“What happened to your eyes?” he asks eventually. The man smiles ruefully, one hand going up to trace over the scars. They aren’t precise in any way, some smaller ones littered around the corners, long ones down the middle. If Jimmy looks closely, he can even see the places the irises are entirely missing along with the scar, leaving the man with cloudy white streaks through his eyes.
“Let’s just say—next time those scientists of theirs have you on the table, make sure and ask ‘em to strap down your hands,” the man says. “Not that that should ever happen to you again, but you never know, y’know?”
Well.
Jimmy feels slightly ill, staring at those scars. Most of his aren’t self-inflicted, nor nearly as visible as those. Sure, he has one across his cheek, and a small one above his eyebrow, but they don’t usually attract much attention. Scott even thinks they make him look rather dashing. He can only imagine the stares and questions this man gets on a daily basis.
The stranger finishes his sandwich, wiping his fingers off with the wrapper. He stands, tips an imaginary hat toward Jimmy.
“Well, I’ll be off. The city’s a bit loud, don’t you think? Oh, and thanks for footing the bill.”
And then he’s gone, and Jimmy sits there in stunned silence until he shakes himself, heads up to the counter, and pays.
He tries to forget about the man. As weeks pass, he moves on, his days taken up by work and Scott and his friends. And he mostly does forget about the familiar stranger, too busy to spare the mental energy needed to try and figure out who he was.
That is, until one night, nearly a month later.
Lizzie had managed to get a hold of their high school’s yearbook from when she was a senior and Jimmy a sophomore, and together with Scott and Joel they paged through it, laughing at Lizzie’s galaxy-themed outfit and Jimmy’s unbrushed hair.
They stop on the page of the soccer team, and Jimmy knows from the coos and laughs that they’re looking at him and his ridiculous hair, but his eyes are caught on a familiar face.
“Who’s that?” he finds himself saying, pointing to the boy beside him, the boy who has his arm slung around his shoulders, the boy who—in one small picture off to the side, is knuckling Jimmy’s head.
And then he remembers.
He pages through the yearbook until he finds him.
A senior that year. One of his friends, and one of the only people who tried to still hang out with him after his powers got out of hand.
He’d almost completely forgotten about Martyn.
Martyn, the dude with the new Playstation. He’d been powered—not strongly, but with some fairly average super hearing and far vision.
Jimmy thinks back to the man he’d met, blinded by his own hands, hearing so intense that he has to wear earplugs at all times.
And then he wonders, dreading the unknown answer, what kind of mistakes had been made with the experiments before his own—and who on earth Nine might be.
#empires smp#empires smp fanfic#empires superpowers au#esh au#jimmy solidarity#scott smajor#flower husbands#martyn inthelittlewood#mas writes#051424#finally. he's here#after all the fighting he did to get here#when i explicitly told him no#martyn: that sign can't stop me bc i can't read! im blind!#the number seven really just suits this man huh#somebody guessed that martyn would have been one of the subjects lol#you were correct! congrats!#lmk what you guys think#love you guys
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yeah sure therapy is nice but teen soukoku is faster and a lot cheaper
#LITERALLY STILL IN SHAMBLES OVER 109 THIS IS HOW IM COPING#thinking abt how much harder teen skk hits bc that's when chuuya started using corruption and they had to learn to trust each other#like with their lives.#not ''hey dazai i'm lending you five bucks so you can get me a coke from the vending machine i trust you'll give me the change''#although i'm sure that's happened and dazai runs off with the change despite being explicitly told not to bc he's an ass#anyway despite not having mutual understanding or even sympathy for the other person they entrusted their lives to each other#also the fact that chuuya isn't likely human but so desperately wants to be and dazai is the tether to his humanity#likewise how dazai was so traumatized to the point where he couldn't feel human#but meeting chuuya made him think living was worth a shot#the parallels are paralleling#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#skk#lotus draws
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i cracked the code.
#believing dirk is the worst guy because its what dirk thinks of himself#ignoring daves bisexuality and think hes a gay man in denial even when he explained hes bisexual#believing john 'im not a homosexual' egbert is explicitly straight while he makes out with his mcconahey and cameron posters more#than he kissed women(literally only once)#believing that rose is an edgy psyhcotic little bitch when she was neglected. she speaks elegantly to cover that shes silly and a total ner#and how did people forget that rose also writes gay wizard fanfiction. reads Wikipedia. and her beautiful artstyle as a result of neglect#(and by neglect meaning having SO MUCH TIME to draw)#jake wasnt into dirk. he also told di that he didnt like how brobot getting touchy with him during strifes#but as part of the repression 4(prospit kids). he refused on changing the bot settings#what jane said about roxy being better when she was drunk. it was fucking sarcasm. its the least insane shit you could say to a best friend#all the kids have issues and of course people get mad over a girl being sarcastic.#when KARKAT said THE SAME THING to rose when she was drunk on the meteor nobody bats an eye#trolls are just grey humans that are bugs. he doesnt get an excuse for being an alien. humans were made from KARKATS BLOOD#jade isnt all silly girl and is so FULL OF HATE towards the trolls. she called karkat a fuckass (VERY FUNNY) to do her a favor#“jade would rather have punched karkat in the fact then had a pleasent conversation with him.”#“she viewed the trolls as rude mean and cruel. and even thought that nepeta was just making fun of her.#despite it being that nepeta just wanted to roleplay and have fun."#dred.loki#I HAVE YET TO ADD MORE. THESE ARE JUST NOTES#homestuck#chss
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Obsessed with the way Evadne's relationship with Apollo is described. Obsessed with the way Apollo was especially gentle with her because she was sheltered, hidden away and hadn't had any sort of experience with love prior to Apollo (and due to it being described as her 'first learning Aphrodite's joy' through Apollo', it was probably her first time even being attracted to someone). Obsessed with the way when she runs away, she stops in a violet patch to give birth. Y'know, violets, very famously the flower so strongly associated with Aphrodite that they were used in love potions? Those violets. Obsessed with the way that when Apollo realised his lover was going to have to deliver their child alone, he sent BOTH the goddess of childbirth and ALL THREE OF THE FATES to help and support her. Obsessed with the way that Apollo sends snakes to feed his baby honey straight from their fangs because Evadne abandons their son out of straight primal fear when her stepfather finds her and how the description of that honey is 'sweet venom' [ἰός] of the bees and is DEFINITELY a poetic pair/pun with [ἴον] aka violets and that every single thing about this relationship, conception and birth is a complete and utter fairytale down to Evadne's insanely overprotective stepfather having an immediate change of heart when he learned Evadne's child was an actual, legitimate Son of Apollo and the babe, after being cared for by his dad's honey-fanged snake buddies, was found perfectly healthy five days later swaddled in a blanket of violets (y'know the flowers so strongly associated with Aphrodite that they were used for lo-) and they called him Iamus aka Boy of the Violets which is AAAAAARRRR I AM GNAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE
Iamus was made of love. Everything about him was surrounded by deep and profound love and like, let's not even talk about his whole Thing of when he came of age and was like "I need to find out what my purpose is" and he literally had a Disney Protagonist moment where he ran out into the wilds and was like "Father!! Grandfather!! Tell me what I'm supposed to doooo!!" and then APOLLO FUCKING ANSWERED AND LED HIM TO ONE HIS TEMPLES ENTIRELY BY TALKING WITH IAMUS AND LETTING HIM FOLLOW HIS VOICE FOR THE WHOLE JOURNEY LIKE -
What do y'all know about the kind of SSS tier romantic escapades Apollo had fr?
#ginger rambles#NO BECAUSE WHAT DO Y'ALL KNOW ABOUT APOLLO AND EVADNE FR#They're a MAD underrated couple and their story is what everyone wishes Hades/Persephone was#Evadne actually WAS sheltered and overprotected because she was a daughter of Poseidon explicitly given to Aepytus to watch over#And Aepytus to his credit wasn't actually a bad man or anything he just took his job very very seriously#Super pious guy - even though he was positively incandescent when he found out Evadne was pregnant he didn't hit her or anything#He just was like “Get me my HORSE I am going to consult the GODS about my DAUGHTER'S HARLOTRY”#Evadne was fucking terrified of him though she hid that pregnancy like her life depended on it#And the minute she heard horse hooves even though she had just finished giving birth she dropped Iamus like he was molten and fucking ran#I could only imagine Aepytus having set up a baby shower or something cause he was overjoyed by the oracle and Evadne gets home thinking#she's going to get Dungeon'd only for Aepytus to hug her and be like “You should've told me you were seeing Apollo sob emoji sob emoji”#God I'm sure Evadne had a bunch of trauma to work through with her stepfather changing his whole entire attitude on a complete#Apollo doesn't directly interfere with their lives after Iamus is born up until Iamus comes looking for him but he was definitely keeping#a very close eye on them all through their lives#Ugh I'm sick I'm so sick in the head thinking about them#apollo#evadne#iamus#greek mythology#ginger chats about greek myths
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In a Kaeya mood lately because of @chaoticsnowflake-ao3 's Kaeya-themed whumptober.
Does Kaeya know the Traveler knows about his fight with Diluc, him being sent as a spy, etc?
Because we the audience have known that since 1.0 from his and Diluc's character stories. But did Kaeya ever tell the Traveler?
Traveler read his hidden notes during Hidden Strife. But does he know that?
I'm sure he expected us to know about Khaenri'ah pretty early on; he and his spy network are probably aware of us meeting Dain at Angel's Share of all places.
And of course in the 3.5 Caribert quest the Traveler is sitting with them when it's casually revealed an Alberich founded the Abyss Order.
Anyway what I'm getting at it a fic where Kaeya, who values the Traveler's friendship and worry what they've come to think of him without having been directly told anything, has some sort of breakdown and anxiously confesses to the Traveler. Only for them to calmly say they knew the whole time and spend the rest of the fic comforting Kaeya.
#I want him to know he's loved by those he holds dear#because without being explicitly told otherwise he's inclined to believe that most people will abandon him when they find out the truth#feel free to run with this idea and make fics of your own!#the more the merrier#genshin#原神#mondstadt#kaeya genshin#kaeya#kaeya alberich#genshin impact kaeya#genshin kaeya#ragbros#diluc ragnvindr#genshin diluc#the traveler#lumine#aether#genshin traveler#genshin impact
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anton ferner, what a guy
#anton ferner#logh#legend of the galactic heroes#lotgh#gineiden#tbh ferner has one of the better dnt designs (though the bar is low) but idk his ova design is unmatched i lovee his curly hair#i also really like the black gloves + regular uniform look#i mean seriously you gotta give ferner some credit for sticking to his guns and going after reinhard#despite being explicitly told not to and only having a handful of people as backup. absolute mad lad#then he turns himself in to reinhard like yeah i tried to kill you but it WAS a good idea braunschweig just didn't listen#and it sucks when your boss doesn't appreciate you so can i work for you instead i'm sure you'll appreciate me more?#and reinhard is like sure i guess and hands him off to oberstein. who gives him a desk job. kind of a W result for ferner#i mean oberstein would agree that ferner had the right idea so i'm sure he does appreciate him more than braunschweig :)#arttag
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your heart pirates family post makes me so happy cause i've never seen anyone give bepo a partner before, but i have a mink oc i pair with him and i always thought that maybe people would think that's weird so that post just made me feel validated in a way :)
in short; thank you for letting bepo have love too <3
Awww I’m so glad it made you happy, Bepo has marriage material written all over him he’s so kind!!If you ever felt comfortable sharing I’d do a doodle for ya!! Bepo deserves a good cuddle and I have tried and failed to figure out what his partner looks like lol
#I could talk in and on about Bepo I realized I don’t on here that much ooops#at work if I start to get too overwhelmed my friend who doesn’t know one piece will ask me for a Bepo fact#so the only thing she knows about one piece is random Bepo facts#except she doesn’t know when I’m head cannoning and when I’m telling the truth#she was so upset when I told her Bepo and law aren’t explicitly brothers in one piece#only very easily arguably are they brothers and I believe them to be brothers#anyway I love him he’s the littlest brother but the emotional backbone of the heart bros#which I’m totally not projecting as a youngest child who was their family’s emotional intelligence from a young age#oops#all my writing/hc is just me projecting isn’t it#sorry anon these tags really got away from me I just love Bepo#my asks
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i think its very funny how embarrassingly down bad cquackity was for ccharlie Immediately right off the bat. maybe its just their limited improv/semi-lore screentime that enhances the feeling but like he literally just took him, taught him how to gamble for like 40 minutes and then immediately started saying shit like “you are my best friend you are the greatest friend that i have”. there was NOTHING gradual or reluctant about it he pretty much leaped into his arms without question
#i hget so sick when i just think about how in love they are and how explicitly happy they make eachotjer#the way cquackity is just constantly giddy and happy whenever ccharlies around and all the times where he’s like excited to introduce him#and the moments where ccharlie seems especially interested in whatever it is that cquackitys doing rather than something else#hashtag that was a nice hole earlier but i do miss quackity from las nevadas Hashtag canon line that slime actually said#ALSO while ranting. this could just be a me inside my own head thing but what honestly gets me the most abt ccharlies feelings for cquackity#is. nobody told him to be like that really. his fondness for him was Not something that he was taught or conditioned to do even right at the#beginning when hes literally talking about killing him ccharlies still like. He kisses him dude#as far as im concerned the way he sees kissing is just oh people do this when they like someone and i REALLY like quackity#so im gonna kiss him 3 times sounds good#One more thing abt their first meeting. i just love how despite how like not attached to or liking ccharlie cquackity is in that scene#he still Cant help but compliment him and be amazed by him with remarking how its incredible how a slime could do thjs#whmat fuciing ever bro
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still stuck on mhok's trauma, unsurprisingly. i keep thinking about the opening scenes of this show, showing us day losing his sight, and mhok losing rung. i really thought that the show would spend equal time and care on both
my first post about this show was pointing out that the first shot of day is a close up of his eyes, and the first time we see mhok, he's holding something in his mouth. and i thought it was so interesting that we see mhok gagged, because society generally doesn't care what people who've been incarcerated have to say. or poor people. and by and large, it doesn't care about the voices of traumatized people, either
and i was so curious to see what the show was going to do with that. i can't believe the show itself was never really interested in what mhok has to say
and i'm stuck on mhok's time in hawaii. the show highlighted over and over again how poor he is, and we know that he didn't like studying. what are his english skills like? we saw singha there, and i think one other thai person. was that the extent of his social circle? he seemed pretty happy to leave hawaii behind, so did he make no new friends? did he spend his days off just sitting in his room by himself, the way day did when he went to songkla with mhok?
i assume he and porjai were still in touch, but he moved abroad at a time when his ptsd was getting worse, and in the wake of a terrible breakup, and he just walked all of that off? alone???
feeling overly protective and over-responsible is absolutely an understandable trauma response for mhok, but you know what else is? losing a relationship, and feeling like you HAVE to go back and fix it, and that if you can just get a do-over, you'll be able to do everything perfectly this time, and you'll get everything right, and everything will be okay! this makes more sense to me in the final episode than the idea of mhok and day having a happily ever after does
#last twilight the series#last twilight#the thing is i don't think his healing journey had to be explicitly shown and there was plenty you could kind of infer#like going from dumping porjai so he doesn't drag her down to telling day he's done playing games and WILL ask him out at the finish line#that's a big step! it says a lot about his headspace and how he sees himself!#but i started getting nervous when PORJAI told day about rung OFFSCREEN. mhok didn't even share that himself! and it wasn't her place tbh!#lol i even kinda understood where day was coming from in ep11 because mhok never mentioned the nightmares and flashbacks and stuff#and you CAN hide that stuff from a sighted partner too ofc but it made sense that day'd wonder what else mhok could hide from him like i ge#why that'd make day feel extra vulnerable! but no somehow the breakup was ALL about pity? i still don't totally get that tbh. and all the#trauma stuff was just pushed under the rug?? and i wonder if day was pitying mhok by insisting he take the opportunity to go abroad#like: you're poor when else are you going to get an opportunity like this? i don't THINK that's what was happening but i can't unthink it#idk my heart just aches for mhok#the quadruple whammy of poverty + trauma + classism + incerceration and i thought all of that would play a bigger role#also by the way ptsd is a disability too!
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you wanna yap abt kenrrot sooo badly mel :3 /silly
I DO, omg, how did you knoww? ^_^
i rewatched very specific scenes from the proton video recently and they still haven't left my head. i feel like i already said so much about them, and yet not enough. ughhh they're just so dear to me. they drive me crazy.
i absolutely adore how much their dynamic works. they have similar outlooks on things, but their ways of dealing with things are so different it contrasts and crashes so well. like they both wanted what's best for all of them (and each other, obviously), but parrot's solution was freeing them, while ken's, knowing how the prison functions, since he designed it, was to keep them inside because she thought it was for the best for all of them. and they weren't even actually arguing about it, they were trying to make the other see their point and it's soooo ughh 💔 parrot sounded so concerned after the confrontation when ken attempted to break the stasis. ken almost sabotaged their whole plan, and parrot still made a point to scold ken on how dangerous that was, and that wemmbu almost killed him. and i know that ken knew that but was still ready to risk it. they care about each other so much it makes me so ill. don't even get me started on the last scene with the elytra. i hate them so much.
#☆ inbox .#☆ mutuals .#the way ken talked to parrot also still sticks to me#he makes such a big emphasis on the fact that he wanted parrot to stay safe#and he makes it a point that he means parrot explicitly#“remember what i told you when we first met? stay safe.”#ohhh you want to kiss him so bad kenadian#i actually love them so much#kenrrot my loves 💔💔#i dont need therapy i need more of these idiots
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Sigh
#sometimes my guy friends mame me think ''yea some guys are actually cery soft and nice and cool and i like tjem''#and then sometimes a man will do something horrid and I'll remember why i ever had such hatred for them as a kid#anyway i dont hate ALL men#but man#i hate most of em imma be frank w yall#i hate the ones that cant take no for an answer#cuz tell me why i told tjis guy i wasn't interested like 20+ times and he jusy#kept talking#muffled screaming#it was such a nice day too 😭#we went to the river today and swam and it was awesome and he was our guide#and he looked p young so when we started goofing off i thought ''#cool new friend#ERRR#WRONGGGGG#screaming cryinh tjrowing up#he bought me food even tho i explicitly told him not to and then he complaiwd abt how i made him waste money after i rejected him for the#tenth time#i cant bro#anyway yea#people who don't understand what rejection is! explode#please#ruined my day#damn#tw vent#vent
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alas babes I literally cannot defend this man's name anymore except in the name of ignorance which. you can only claim ignorance for so long
#we established boundaries! no texting! limited contact! no teasing!#and what does he do the day i get sick. text me AND tease me through text#he's texted five times since (as in initiated conversation) and like. yeah i mean he's abnormally clueless but considering we had a whole#conversation where i explicitly said hey. i NEED the space. i need space if we're going to keep being friends#this is all a bit much :-)#thankfully i am 90% over him so this is not as painful as it would've been last month but sheeeeesh#i can't even defend him to my friends at this point because when i show them the texts they go what the actual hey is going on#i don't know if it's a matter of ignorance or lack of consideration or him trying to make things go back to normal#(except 'normal' for him was the time when i was crying like every day because i couldn't handle the emotional intimacy#of our strange friendship) or just sheer carelessness but mannnn what a situation#he told me that if he crosses a line to let him know and he'll course correct which like. yeah i mean i WAS thankful for that#but at the same time why is it my responsibility to draw the line why aren't YOU helping observe the line that#i drew earlier this month what is going ONNNN
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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actually, the more of sit with it, i do have things to say about only friends
the more and more i see people talking about how much they love boston and how unfair they think his ending was, the more i think it’s actually a very interesting and, for me at least, a good and interesting way to tell a story, even if the writers really didn’t intend it. i think it’s interesting in such a morally grey show to have the show end with this condemnation of the most technically morally wrong person, to have it ultimately ‘conform’ to what is thought of as the correct morality. bc i think it’s interesting that we all can overwhelming agree that we don’t agree with it, bc i think it says a lot about how people who are willing and open-minded and able to look at things both objectively and with humanity and kindness can agree that what other people who just look at acts and behaviours isolated from everything else and subscribe to normalised values wanted and got from this ending is not what we wanted or think is right. bc i think it’s very interesting who we and the characters in the show are quick to forgive and who we aren’t. take Boston and top. they say mew forgave top bc top put in all this work and effort to make it right and earn forgiveness, but in that what he actually did was fight for that image of normality back. he is the rescued promiscuous bad boy who was fixed by settling down and finding happiness, and we can agree and think that’s right bc just generally thats the expected aim and he did it. boston on the other hand wasn’t ‘fixed’. he didn’t settle down, he didn’t become monogamous, he didn’t change, and so we punish him. but did he really not change?? if you recall, top had that emotional scene last week when he told mew he’d suffered enough, but when i saw boston in this ep at their gathering, so quiet and reserved and down, i thought back to early boston and all his confidence and bravado and self-assurance. now tell me this guy has not changed. but we just don’t see it, nor do we value it, bc in fact it’s not a good change. this guy is still suffering, he has been for a while, and while we are so quick to forgive top or ray’s actions through this show bc of their trauma that’s shown to us, do we ever once think that while not trauma, boston might have his reasons, things that have happened to him, the ways he feels, that make him act like this?? and if they were explained by some single trauma, would we more easily forgive him?? i can’t stop thinking about this, about his secret room, his secret passions, his secret identity, all these things he’s made to hide bc of who his family is. and then i think of this tendency for him to try and hold onto people while being messy and promiscuous, hiding the way he truly is, the way he truly wants to love bc he’s afraid that the people he cares for don’t love the same way he does and can’t handle it. which is fine, not everyone can, but it’s precisely bc not everyone can and those people that can are harder to find that he feels the need to keep stringing people along with what’s expected of a relationship while still giving in to the other side of him that doesn’t want monogamy. and when i think about that, i can see why he treated nick the way he did, keeping him hooked with the promise of promises that he could never keep bc it’s not who he is, and while it’s still shit for nick to be treated that way, boston can still only keep hanging the promise of more in front of him so that he can keep him around whilst also reducing his guilt where he can by not making any grand promises.
in the end, the show rewarded those who chose their partners and only them, who settled into monogamous relationships full of love, and bc of those endings, all those precious wrongs get to be erased, they get to start fresh, to begin again. but bc of who boston is, he is left to always feel like he is in the wrong. he’s always been gay, and that’s something he’s never been able to fully show or own bc of his family, and something deep inside of him has been made to feel that both that and not wanting monogamy are wrong, so please story, tell me, how else is he supposed to act?? how else is he supposed to end?? why do we just leave him to feel continually condemned for not being the norm?? and what really got to me was when nick said i think you’d be better off alone, or something to that effect. bc i think it’s wholly not true, and while i get what he meant coming from him, someone that’s always wanted complete monogamy from him and ultimately has to face that he’ll never get it and move on from his feelings, i don’t think it’s true. we’ve seen boston alone. it’s where he is now. and he is not happy. that’s the thing, he’s not meant to be alone, he’s meant to be understood. he’s meant to be treated with the same humanity and kindness that we’ve treated all these other people that have done bad things. just bc he can’t own who he is in the correct way, bc he’s never been allowed to, that doesn’t mean we should just give up and resign him to this life. why is there no one there around him willing to fight for him?? to find out who he truly is where he can’t, and tell him that that’s ok, and that he can do it, he doesn’t have to do it by these means that hurt people, that he can be who he is and cause no harm, bc everyone can be on the same page and choose to be up for it or not. and why is no one around him willing to be that voice of reassurance that says no matter how bad or messy your romantic or sexual relationships are, i will still be here as your friend, bc i value and understand you. bc maybe that’s the presence he really needs in order to explore his romantic and sexual wants in a more open and healthy way. and maybe his actions in this show perfectly are perfectly explained by him himself. he says it to mew, I didn’t do it to hurt you, i just didn’t care. he has never been that purposefully malicious, his actions are just like that bc he’s never learnt to deal with how he’s feeling in a better way. he’s lived his life not caring, detached from relationships bc it’s too hard to find one that works in the way that works for him, and detached from his friends bc they never understood him either, and so he was never able to fully care about them bc they didn’t truly care about him either. they wrote him off from ep 1 the way everyone else did, the ‘hunter’, the whore, the playboy. and we saw him making some progress with nick bc nick did love him, but ultimately bc he didn’t reciprocate nick’s feelings in the way nick wanted him to, he was left alone again. we see it with him just as we saw it with atom, this repeated story of people falling in love with him and when they can’t have all of him, they don’t want any of him. and the way he’s compartmentalised his self worth from these experiences is sex. he can’t offer people complete monogamy so he offers sex, he derives his sense of self from it. bc that’s the thing he is fine with sharing, that he wants to share. he can’t offer romance bc whoever he gives it to, as we see with nick, will ultimately leave him when they can’t get everything else.
so just ask yourself this, if someone understood and loved boston bc that’s the way they were too, or were truthfully ok with him sleeping with other people, and he loved them back, do you think he’d act the same? and do you think we’d see him the same? would we still think his behaviour is bad? would we persecute him the same? or would we celebrate them the same way we celebrate topmew and sandray? the thing is the show won’t give him that bc the show is rewarding monogamy, but it’s worth thinking about if you are one of the people that think boston got the ending he deserved. why do we forgive and explain away the bad behaviour of the other couples bc we can write it off as ‘they did it bc they love each other’, but we can’t do it for boston when the explanation is ‘he did it bc he can’t love himself’. and it’s all rather ironic that we can celebrate nick coming to find self-worth and self-love through boston, but we don’t grieve the fact that boston couldn’t do the same for himself. when of everyone, he’s the one that is, and should, and deserves to begin again, go to a place that doesn’t know his behaviour only through its infamy as dangerous and uncaring, but will evaluate it of their own accord. maybe then, he’ll find the right people he needs in his life, and he can be on his way to feeling like he can treat himself a little more kindly.
#god if you’d told me when this show started that I’d be writing such a sappy emotional defence of Boston I wouldn’t believe you#i just think he’s such a neat and interesting and important character to have in this space#bc even if the show didn’t tell us explicitly#we as viewers can see that this character deserves more than what he was given#and it can drive us to open up to how other people want to live instead of persecuting it#and I’m glad to know there are people out there that see it too it makes me have a little more faith in humanity#anyway boston is just great I’m so glad he exists and I’m so glad we all came to care for him#only friends
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when i actually get my thoughts put together enough for a meta on peter and neal and trust thats when its gonna be all over for everybody. btw.
#its just a lot of thought soup right now but idk.#something drives me insane about how neal explicitly trusts peter by halfway through s1 and by s4 (where i am) peter still doesnt trust nea#despite EVERYTHING theyve been through together.#and like peter trusts neal with his life certainly but when it comes to giving him the benefit of the doubt#its like the last four years havent even happened.#and YET. and yet. when neal lies to peters face for the first time peter knows immediately that its a lie#because neal has never outright told him a lie before.#so its like. this gray middle ground where peter all at once trusts neal explicitly and also suspects him every time something happens.#its a double standard almost.#ohhhh man i could fill a textbook with the things that are wrong with them. im shaking them between my teeth.#winter speaks#white collar
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I GENUINELY don’t understand where the idea that Tim is eternally 17 is coming from
#tim drake#batman#dc comics#is it because dc hasn’t explicitly acknowledged Tim’s age in a few years?#same as the other batkids?#except they have they told us he dropped out of college#is it because he’s not drawn the way adult men usually are in comic books?#the way Jason was when he was the same age?#and dick?#that’s just not what Tim looks like#not what college kids normally look like either#is it because they made him Robin again? bro idek what’s going on with that#anyway I thought the fandom didn’t even care about n52
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