#when he was asked if the band was homophobic he didn’t even know what the word meant i can’t-

[cruesuffix]

I see your doing random headcanons and I was wondering if you could please do headcanons for mick actually having a boyfriend but the guys had like zero idea and their reaction to finding out mick is fruity and dating some guy they don't know anything abt (bonus points for them being jelly as shit)

oh boy do i love jealous crue!!! also mick dating someone that isn’t in the crue (or even in the industry altogether) is so appealing to me.

a headcanon girl productions presents: the closet mick lives in is made out of pure steel!!

- now let’s say this guy that micks dating is just a random citizen. maybe they met at a bar, or after a show. wherever doesn’t really matter, it’s just a casual meeting. they quickly become friends and this guy is someone mick can really talk to. if there’s something weighing on his mind, he knows his friend can help him through it. if he just wants to vent about his stupid evil band, this guy will let him! and of course mick would do anything for his friend as well, maybe he finds himself wanting to help his friend out with literally anything. he doesn’t even do this for his band. a couple months pass by and for some reason mick starts feeling differently about this guy. it’s not negative at all, but…it’s something probably worse

- we all know how ppl were in the eighties. i think mick would be a bit internally homophobic at first. like, he’s not at all bothered by gay people, he thinks they’re fine. but, he comes from a generation where even having feelings was seen as gay. so, when his feelings for his friend turns a bit romantic he’s very quick to try to push them down and quell whatever desires he might have. like…yes he’s starting to see himself wanting to hold hands with this guy and all that jazz but…he’s supposed to want such things with a woman not a man.

- fast forward all that sad gay stuff, it would take a bit longer for him to fully accept himself and all that, but i still think this friend of his would make the first move! (mick the sub agenda will prevail through me and me alone!) his friend would admit that he’s gay and sorta kinda in love with mick, to micks absolute glee ofc.

- so they start dating! privately ofc, both of them know what it’s like being gay in these times, so mick moves him into his house and they live together. of course, they’d pretend it was because micks friend was bordering homelessness so he just happened to be a nice friend and offer him shelter. nobody thinks twice about this. mick is just that nice everyone believes he’d do something like that.

- who knows when exactly mick decides to tell his bandmates. it would have to wait until he’s entirely sure they won’t take it terribly. he’d ask so many questions. every time he’s alone with one of them he’s going “hey so…what do you think about gay people?” It gets so bad that now the bands sure he’s the homophobic one. cue tommy going up to nikki and going “has mick been weirdly obsessed with gay people around you too or is it just me?”

- (love the idea of nikki going “he asked me how i’d feel if one of us was gay and i’m starting to think he thinks i’m gay…i don’t know though…”)

- after getting pretty favourable answers from the band (and increasingly weird stares), he finally brings out his boyfriend on tour and introduces him to them.

- cue open mouths and disbelieving stares. tommy thinks it’s a joke so he high fives this guy and talks about how funny their little prank is. mick just stares him dead in the eyes and goes “i ain’t joking.”

- everyone immediately freezes. they would have never guessed mick was fruity…like at all!! he’s the most clean cut, midwestern guy they know…they kind of associate all that with being straighter than a lamppost. him being gay was the last thing they’d ever think of! maybe they’d try going back and looking at all his interactions with certain people. do any of them think mick has ever acted gay? absolutely not. sure, he didn’t mess around with groupies that much, but they all figured that was because he was old fashioned! now they’re looking back and thinking “wait, was that just because he isn’t attracted to girls? is he still attracted to girls? what’s going on??”

- they’d have to keep their facial expressions neutral as they introduce themselves to this mystery dude.

- nikki’s stammering, shaking the dudes hand. he’s trying to stay cool and not bust out laughing. who knew their old man would be into guys? maybe he discreetly looks the guy up and down, trying to figure out what mick sees in him. not in a mean “he could do better” sort of way…but he’s definitely still confused. he knows he should think like this cause nikkis sure he himself isn’t gay but…he was kinda hoping if anyone was gay in the band, they’d go for someone in the band at least. he doesn’t want to share a space with some dude he doesn’t know. like, nikki would be the first one to suggest a polycule within the band only because he doesn’t want anyone else coming into the space he very carefully created.

- tommy would sort of grit his teeth but be as cordial as he could towards this guy. he would be jealous only because the attention he always got from mick would disappear and go into this new jackass he barely knows. he can hide behind the fact that he’s just so used to his old man’s affection and he doesn’t want to share it. he would have rather it been nikki. because, nothing would have changed! if mick had started dating nikki, then he’d get both the attention from his terror twin and his old man. they could be the parents he needed while on tour! (meanwhile he just wants both of them to…well what that is will be up to your imagination ofc!)

- vince would put on a fake smile and greet micks boyfriend like he was an old friend. it’s the best he can do for his old man. inside, however, he would be pretty jealous he’s not the only pretty face in the room anymore. he’d be surprised that mick had such good taste. then he’d be a bit depressed that in all the time he’d known mick, he hadn’t gotten to know him enough to not be surprised by this news. micks head nod of acknowledgement towards him were the only things keeping him afloat while on tour, but now he might not get them again because mick will be too preoccupied with his boyfriend…he can’t believe he’s starting to get jealous about this.

- none of the band want to acknowledge they’re jealous over micks boyfriend who they know nothing about. would they want to know anything about him?? maybe not…cause what if he has a cool job and was like extremely smart and cool and not as pathetic as they all felt.

- oh and maybe mick does ends up having a talk with all of them privately. now he’s officially coming out to them. of course, in the typical mick manner, he’s apologizing. he feels bad for not telling them, but he was a bit nervous they’d take it badly. (also let’s say, for this headcanon, he’d be either bisexual or pansexual…like he’s the type to not care about the gender of his lover, only that he likes them and they like him.) the rest of the band would reassure him that they weren’t mad at all and completely understood why he’d keep it to himself. they also assure him that they are 100% cool with him being gay and all that and they don’t mind it at all and that they still love him like a brother (maybe this line is said with gritted teeth and jealous undertones that mick never picks up on). they all hug and all that and then vince asks about his boyfriend.

- cue mick gushing about his lover, heart eyes and all, and everyone has to force smiles on their faces and coo over him. when the talks over the rest of the guys meet up and discuss this boyfriend some more, just talking in whispers. (“oooh he’s a bartender!! ofc he’d fall in love with a guy like that he’s always at the bar anyways.” Nikki would snark, the joke landing flat cause they all know he’s the most jealous and bitter. “Wooow he has curly hair and it’s so soft!! Uh, so is my hair!” Tommy adds in, running a hand through his own “luscious locks.”)

- they’re not going to try to break up micks relationship though. they see that the old man is happy, and that’s the way it should be. will they be holding a prayer circle to somehow manifest a breakup in the near future?? absolutely…but that’s the only thing they’ll be doing! if it doesn’t work, they’ll just sit in silence and watch their old man laugh loudly at whatever stupid joke his boyfriend just made, just stewing in their own jealous feelings. if it were to work (and lord knows they’re hoping it does), they’ll all be able to slink in and comfort their old man. pet him, hug him, let him cry on their shoulders. and trust nikki will be tearing that man into shreds the moment he gets a chance to.

oh how i love writing jealous crue. mick having a boyfriend who wasn’t a member of the crue would be so cute though…like yeah let’s give him a break from these dramatic bastards for a second! you know the band would be so passive aggressive towards that poor man though. mick would have to walk him through band politics and try to figure out why they’re being so hostile towards his lover. the question is, would he remain oblivious or would he finally figure it out. i have no clue…but mick is a pretty oblivious guy sometimes tbh. ok, I loved writing this one so I hope you all enjoy this one too!!

[gothicchildofthenight]

Dead-Bird

FEM DNI‼️ (She/her, She/they, etc.) - you’ll be blocked.

request: “hihi ! can you write rodrick x ftm reader thats just like , treated as one of the guys in rodricks friend group and has a sense of belonging , then heather outs the reader or something n rodrick stands up for them (???) im not sure where im going with this request u can interpret it however u want”

summary: moving to plainview for a fresh start while you’re transitioning. you meet rodrick heffley, resident emo, and become inseparable. what happens when heather hills gets jealous thats he’s turned all his attention on you?

descriptions: ftm!reader, intended for a black reader but can be read by any race, rodrick might be ooc (??), i made heather really mean (and homophobic 😭) but in reality i have no hate to her HER ACTRESS IS GORGINA, slur drop (f word), maybe the reader a girly kid sorry if that upsets anyone, cursing, throwing up (only happens once and i don’t think it’s detailed), let me know if i missed anything!!

a/n: yall, i know i said friday, but circumstances change (especially when baby siblings are sick asf) so i’m sorry. you’re allowed to yell at me in the comments!! BUT ITS FINALLY HERE‼️ pls let me know if you like it, and if you think i should change anything. i can always improve!!

word count: 8.29k (i got carried away 😭)

———————————————————————————-

For as long as you can remember, you knew you didn’t feel right with who you were. You wore the dresses, the skirts, joined the girls line when you were split off and you were ok with it, but it never felt right. You wanted to get your hands dirty, skin your knee, and you could do all of that with the girls, but you wanted to do it with the boys.

Your parents seemed to acknowledge this and your family just labeled you a tomboy. It wasn’t until your last year of middle school that you realized who you were, what you were. You were a boy, you were trans.

After going back and forth with yourself, you go to your parents with tears streaming down your face. With the way you and your parents were raised, it didn’t seem like they were going to be accepting.

“Are you done blubbering?” Your mom had asked you, which made you cry even more because you didn’t know if that could be good or bad. “We knew this could be a possibility with you just wanting to be with little boys.”

“Just because your grandparents have a skewed perspective on gender doesn’t mean we do.” Your dad joined in with a hand on your shoulder.

And with that started your transition journey. First with therapy, then doctor visits, and finally testosterone. When you started taking testosterone (end of sophomore year), you and your parents moved to give you a fresh start. With their careers, they could work anywhere as long as they could travel.

Plainview was just that, plain, but it got the job done so you can lay low. You couldn’t even point it out on a map, but it seemed like a great place to get a fresh start. Family homes, mom and pop shops, and maybe 6 schools around. No one knows you, seeing as you moved almost cross-country, so perfect.

Your first day wasn’t anything like you imagined. You thought you would be clocked immediately, especially since in the rush to move and get enrolled in school you had forgotten to get your haircut. You lucked out though, because the only reason someone (besides a teacher) came to talk to you was because of your Pearl Jam shirt.

That was the day you met Rodrick Heffley, resident “bad boy” with a band that wasn’t shit (you could say that seeing as you were in it) and a taste for rock and metal. That’s who came to talk about your shirt.

“You listen to Pearl Jam?” He asked, and you were immediately on the defense.

You knew you didn’t exactly look the part of emo metalhead, you had heard it your whole life growing up. “Listen to your normal music,” was a common one, and you won’t lie, it hurt. Especially from the popular white kids because it was just another tally mark against you.

“Yes? What about it?” You snapped.

“Woah, didn’t know I touched a nerve,” his face had reddened a little, but besides that it didn't change. “I was just gonna ask your favorite song.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes. “I like Why Go from the Ten album.”

“Cool, cool, that’s a good one.” And then you both just stood there staring at each other. “Do you want to come over to my house after school?”

“I don’t even know you, kid,” you chuckled, “what are you, a kindergartener?”

“Well excuse me for trying to be nice.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m Rodrick.”

He held out his hand, which you hesitantly shook. “I’m (Y/N).”

“So are you coming over or what?”

And just like that he became one of the most important people in your life– along with his best friends; Drew, Ward, Chris, and Ben. Present day, you are never without Rodrick, and he, you. It doesn’t take a lot to convince the other to do something you probably shouldn’t, which leads to you guys getting in trouble a lot.

Like how one time towards the end of junior year in the middle of the night, Rodrick and you snuck out for a carnival almost 2 hours away. You had been relaxing at home, reading, when you heard little tinks coming from your window. You knew it was Rodrick throwing rocks at your window. He always did that when he’d sneak out of his house to come to yours.

“What the hell do you want?” You jokingly whisper-yelled as you opened your window.

“Come to a fair with me!” He whispered back.

“Last time I checked, the summer fair didn’t come until after school ended?”

“Because it’s not the one in Plainview, it’s the one in Huntington! Just come on!” He groans.

“First of all, I’m in pajamas!” You motioned up and down yourself. “Second of all, that’s almost two hours away!”

“So what, you’ve snuck out with me before! What makes this time any different? Come on, (Y/N), live a little!”

“Fuck it, fine!” and you closed your window to change. Your parents were long gone asleep, so you doubt they’d check on you, meaning you were in the clear.

You settled on baggy pants and a short sleeve, which is what you almost always wear, before you jumped out your window (you were on the second floor, yea, but your house wasn’t that big so it wasn’t a huge jump). Rodrick was waiting in his van, so you climbed into the passenger seat and set off.

You took a mini nap on the way, but after you woke up, you guys didn't shut up. From school to new albums, you talked about it all. You guys always were like this, (still were) even though at this point you’d only known each other a couple months. It scared you a little, how close you two had gotten in such a little period of time, mainly because you don’t want him to drop you because of who you were before.

“We’re here!” He pulled into a parking spot. You both climbed out of the van and met in front of it. “You brought your wallet, right?”

“Hanging with you? Of course not.” You deadpanned, before pulling out your wallet with a smile. “Why would I go to a fair without my wallet?”

He just rolled his eyes, slung his arm around your neck and walked to the ticket booth. Once in the fair, you guys set a plan to leave around 2:00 so you can get back in time for school.

You run around together, ride to ride, concession stand every chance you can get, and then barfing into a trash can. “I will never sneak out with you again.”

“Sure, ok,” Rodrick scoffed. “Come on, I want to ride the ferris wheel before going home!”

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes as you wiped your mouth, “just let me finish tossing my organs into this dumpster.”

“Let's go, smart ass.”

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a long line for the wheel. You’re on it in 5 minutes, and at the top in another 5.

“Told you it was worth it.” Rodrick teased as you looked out to the neon fair lights.

“Yea, yea, whatever,” you mumbled, too busy looking out at the eye widening view.

There’s a moment of silence. “Y’know, I’m glad we met each other.”

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. Especially on a ferris wheel, that's just cringey.” You joke.

“I’m being serious!” He sighs. “Like I love the band, but I think me and you got closer in the span of a few months than me and them since middle school. It’s crazy.”

“Yea, sure, ok, dude,” you look back out to the lights. You couldn’t look him in the eyes because you had this warm feeling in your gut that you couldn’t place.

Rodrick doesn’t allow you to, though, as he grabs your face in one hand to make you look at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I want you to say it,” he stares into your eyes, seeming to search for something.

“Say what, jackass?” You feel your face catch on fire in the dark of the night.

“That I’m your best friend.” He looks so serious, and his eyes never leave yours.

“You’re my best friend,” you roll your eyes with a grin, “can you let me go now?”

“We’ll work on it.” He pats the side of your face and then faces the lights outside the wheel.

When you're both off the ferris wheel, you’re headed back home. The car ride home was silent, you in your own head and Rodrick seemed tired. You offered for him to stay over and sleep until school starts, but he declines, knowing his parents will wake him up in the morning.

You pull up to your house but just sit there for a second. “It was a bunch of fun, as always. Til we sneak out again.”

“See ya,” he smiles and lightly punches your shoulder.

“See ya, dude,” and you head to your house.

When you see him pull off, you lightly close your front door. As you turn around, your soul leaves your body.

“I don’t even want to know,” your mom holds her hand up to silence you. “Phone, now.”

You sigh, but do it.

It seemed that’s what happened with Rodrick, too, so for the rest of the school year you and Rodrick could only contact each other at school. He still snuck over, that wasn't going to stop.

You don’t regret leaving with him that night, because you had never had someone willingly be that close to you.

—

Currently, you’re all huddled up in the hot attic that is his room, but it was the only place without younger kids so you don’t complain much.

“Dude, I thought this year was gonna be it!” Rodrick complains as he lays upside down on his bed.

“Oh, it’s gonna be it, alright,” Ben rolls his eyes and throws a paper ball in Rodricks direction. “It’s going to be the year I finally strangle you if you mention Heather Hills one more time.” We all chuckle at how true it was.

Right now, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Heather Hills. Even though you had come in the middle of junior year, it was quick knowledge that he had a crush on her since middle school. At first it was cute, but after some unforeseen circumstances, you actually hated hearing her name. It wasn’t like you had a crush on him (It was), but the fact that she didn’t give him the time of day, and even when she did it was just to make fun of him or to have him do something.

“I second that, it’s fucking annoying,” you push him off the bed, seeing as you were on it right next to him.

“Ow, you dick!” he sits up and rubs his head.

“We’re, like, four months from graduating, if she wanted you, she would’ve said it.”

“Yea but-” Ward cuts him off.

“But nothing, bro, she don’t want your ass.”

It’s what you’ve been telling him this whole time, but you didn’t want to be too pressed about it because you didn’t want him to think you like her. You didn’t like her, you liked the one who liked her. You hadn’t realized it until you saw Heather sweetening him up one time and it hurt to watch– and not in a disgusted way.

You had no idea about your sexuality, you knew you liked boys even before you transitioned, but as you became more comfortable with yourself girls weren’t so bad either. You had been on a few dates with mostly girls (there weren’t many out guys in a small town, who knew?), but no one was Rodrick.

“I mean, I know, subconsciously,” he points to his head, “but she has this way of being in your head, no matter how mean she is.”

“Blah blah blah, bruh we don’t caaaarreee!” You roll your eyes and fall back on his bed. “She’s probably going to, like, Harvard or some shit and gonna marry rich. She doesn’t have time for loser guys like ourselves unless we can do something for her. It’s been that way since middle school, and it’ll be that way til the end of time”

“Major harsh, dude,” Drew pipes up.

“Whatever,” You get up and grab your backpack. “I’m going home, see you bozos tomorrow.”

You know why it bothers you so much, but you didn’t think you went that far. Hell, even Ward said something, but you were the one who was being “major harsh”? You roll your eyes as you stomp off to your house.

“Major harsh, my ass,” you murmur to yourself.

—

Tomorrow comes faster than you’d like. It wasn’t like you blew up on the guys, but you were pissed that you had been shut down. You kind of wanted to avoid them and go straight to class, but when you exit your house you see Rodricks van. The ride to school was pretty quiet except for the “good morning,” you all exchanged amongst yourselves.

“You were right,” Rodrick nudges you. When you give him a confused look, he goes on, “Heather is never gonna want me, and I’m taking myself off the market for other babes.”

“Oh, all those poor girls, saved,” you chuckle. Now you kind of feel bad, “but seriously, my bad if I went too far with what I was saying. I don’t have an excuse for what I said, but I am sorry.”

“Nah, I needed that good kick in the ass so I could wake up. Thanks, bro.” He playfully punches your shoulder.

“No problem, bro.”

As we pull up to school, you see Heather and her friends around their red convertible bug. You didn’t know whose it was, it was passed around more than a blunt in your group. Every morning they were there, and every morning Rodrick went to talk to them, talk to her, like clockwork.

“So are we skipping today, boys?” Rodrick suggests.

In a unison of ‘Hell Yea’s, you were the voice of reason. “Fuck no.”

They all groan, as they usually do when you’re right. We’re walking away from the van as you explain, “Y’all don’t have enough brain cells or credits to afford to skip. If yall want to blow this place, ya gotta graduate. You don’t even have to have honors.”

“Whatever, nerd,” Rodrick shoves you with a chuckle. “You can be a suck up and stay all day, but we’re outta here.”

“You can suck up on my balls, jackass,” you laugh and shove him back.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” he shoves back.

“You’d love that!” but you don’t push him, you look in front of you.

You expected to see the red car, but you saw the stairs. You had passed the car?

You look behind you, and you still see the group talking about someone cheating on someone’s boyfriend, but you notice Heather Hills looking at you.

This wasn’t the first time Rodrick had ignored Heather for you, but that was at lunch. He always talked to her in the morning. You don’t know why, but you knew that this was her last straw.

When you had first moved here, you weren’t on her radar until you had talked to him. She was just standing off to the side and you didn’t realize it then, but he was just talking to her and stopped to talk to you. You could feel her glare, but when you looked at her she gave you a sugary sweet smile. That wasn’t the last time you would see that fake smile, but after this morning you knew it would be.

—

“I don’t know what you told him, but you need to untell him.”

The voice wasn’t unfamiliar to you, but you weren’t used to it being directed at you.

“Hi, Heather, how are you on this beautiful day?” You smile at her, though it was probably closer to a grimace.

“Cut the shit, you heard me.” She growls as you put your stuff in your locker.

“Why does it have to be me saying anything to him? Maybe he actually grew some balls and a brain.”

“You’re like a lost puppy around him, of course you said something.”

“Well, Heather,” you huff as you drop your bag and face her, “he used to follow you around like a lost puppy and I got sick of it because you were using him. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did, so I told him that.”

“I know why,” she leans closer to your face with a whisper. “It’s because you’re a gay little bitch who hopes he looks in your direction but he wouldn’t even spit near you. I see how you look at him, but just remember he looks at me like that.”

“Ok,” you roll your eyes. “Why do you care so much? You admitted several times that you don’t like him.”

“He needs to like me, not the other way around. It gives other guys the idea that they can be with me and I can get gifts out of it. So if you don’t fix this, I can get so much dirt on you it’d make your head spin.”

“I think the bleach fumes are finally getting to your brain,” you scoff, trying not to seem nervous. You didn’t think that she could get to your secret, but that bitch has power in high places. But you had come so far without being outed, so you didn’t think it’d happen this close to your escape. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not gonna do that because you’re a bitch who doesn’t deserve any attention.”

She slams your locker in your face, “You’ll regret that.” And as she walks away you roll your eyes and mumble a “bitch”.

She doesn’t even want him, but I can’t have him? Whatever, bitch.

—

You decided to keep your little interaction from Rodrick and the gang because you knew it’d open up a) what she could find on you and b) did Heather actually like Rodrick and she’s lying? You just let them lead the conversation as you try to rationalize with yourself.

How would she find out your trans? You’ve been stealth for a year and your school medical records are locked up tight. She can’t out anything but you being gay and even that was a little chest tightening. At least you’ll still be a man, even if it was a gay one. Being outed as trans could shatter people’s perception of you and you’ll be that weird “girl” again.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Rodrick asks you and you realize you’re the only two in the van now.

“Nothing, just exhausted. I need to be asleep right now,” you pretend to rub your eyes.

“Whatever you say, dude,” he sighs, but puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes. “I’m here whenever you wanna talk, you seem to have a lot on your mind.”

It makes you freeze. It’s not like he isn’t always like this, he’s your best friend, but it doesn’t help after your conversation with Heather. He does this with every guy in the group, he may put on a front of being a dick to his brother, Greg, but he really cares for his friends. You have to convince yourself that this was just that, nothing more.

“Eyes on the road, weirdo,” you shrug his arm off with a nervous laugh. “I told you I was fine, I’m just tired.”

“Ok, dude,” he rolls his eyes.

Before you know it, he drops the rest of the guys off at their houses. You’re usually the last one to get dropped off since more often than not you’re the first one to be picked up. But when Rodrick passes your house, you have more than a few questions.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” You sigh.

“Obviously you won’t tell me what’s actually wrong, so we’re going to hang out til that frown turns upside down!” He smiles as he passes his house, too.

“How did I become friends with such a cornball? Aren’t you supposed to be the resident bad boy, go back to that.”

“You know you love me,” he smirks.

More than you know, that’s the reason I’m in this mess! You almost say, but stick with, “Sure, whatever you say.”

You know exactly what he’s going to do, you guys do it every time one of y’all are going through it. Head to the gas station to get slushies and snacks, then go out to your favorite clearing in the woods. He even does it with Greg sometimes, even though he likes to act like he hates his younger brothers.

“Isn’t the point of a slushy to mix all of the flavors together?” Rodrick rolls his eyes.

“We have this conversation every time we come here, I get two flavors that compliment each other! All of those flavors confuse your mouth and you lose taste buds.”

“You lie just like my mother, which means you lie like shit.” And for that you slap his shoulder. “OW!”

“Don’t talk about Susan like that!” You say, jokingly offended. You go to hit him again, but he grabs your hand.

“You’re a fucking nut case.”

“OMG!” You hear an all too familiar voice excitedly yelp. “I thought I heard your voice!”

“Oh, hey Heather.” Rodick turns to talk to her, forgetting to let go of your hand. “What are you doing in here?”

“My friends wanted to stop in here to get some junk.” She waves her hand behind her and rolls her eyes. “I obviously don’t eat stuff like that, I mean, look at me.” Rodrick doesn’t even glance down when she motions at herself.

“Good for you, me and (Y/N) are actually in here for some snacks, too.”

She finally looks at you, and then at you and Rodricks combined hands. You squirm under her stare and take your hand out of Rodricks. He looks at you in seeming confusion, but doesn’t say anything.

“I didn’t see you there, hey (Y/N)!” She has a smile on her face, but you can see in her eyes the amount of hatred she has for you.

“Hey, Heather…” You almost whisper, and then turn to seem busy with your slushy.

“Well, we should get out of here, bye Heather.”

“Oh, yeah, I think my friends went back to the car, so I should head out, too.” She turns to leave, but looks back over her shoulder and waves seductively. “Bye, Rodrick!”

When you hear the front door bell ring, you finally release the breath you had been holding in. “Holy shit,” you whisper to yourself.

“What was that?” Rodrick turns to you with a smile and points behind him. “She’s never willingly came up to me unless she needs something. And she just wanted…conversation?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” You paint on a smirk even though your heart is racing. She had seen you with Rodrick, holding hands (completely his fault!), and he couldn’t be any less interested in her! You just know your fate is sealed.

“Well, let’s get this shit paid for and go.” He grabs up your food and you grab the slushies.

With everything paid for, you guys hop back into the van and head into the trail a few blocks down. It wasn’t anything official, but you hadn’t gotten in trouble for being out here, so yall just kept going.

You park the van and head into the back, opening the doors for some fresh air.

“So are you ready to tell me what’s up?” Rodrick asks after a few sips of his slushy abomination.

“I told you that I’m just exhausted.” You keep up your front.

“And I told you that you lie like my mom,” he sighs. “So you might as well just spill it.”

“It’s just something that me and my family have to deal with, you don’t have to worry about it!” You know if you bring your family into it, he’ll stop pushing it because he knows your parents don’t play.

“Ok, ok, I’ll let it go.” He raises his hand in defense.

You don’t respond, and you guys are submerged into silence once again. You exchange looks when you don’t think the other is looking, but besides that you take in the forest around you.

Heather could never experience these moments with Rodrick and understand how precious it is. Rodrick has always been the weird “bad boy” (people literally only say this because of his clothes and that makes you roll your eyes) who some of the girls wanted but if it got out they did like him, they’d be made fun of. You see how some of the girls look at him when he isn’t looking, and it hurts your heart. You know they have more of a chance than you ever would.

But with you, he was never like this. He was the goofy, caring friend who’d drop everything if you said the word. Heather only sees him as an object that gives her affection, but you see him as he truly is; a guy who loves and just wants it back. He just wants to be seen.

“Y’know you’re my best friend, right?” You blurt before you can think about it.

“Only took you a year to be genuine about it,” he nudges your shoulder.

“What?”

“The ferris wheel.” He states like you’re just supposed to know. And you do.

“You still remember that?” You gape.

“Anyway, yes I am your best friend, just like how you’re mine.” He grins at you, and then he drops it, “you’re not planning anything are you?”

“Oh my god, a guy can’t express his appreciation for his best friend?” You throw your hands up.

“I’m watching you,” he squints his eyes and points at you.

You get a text from your mom wondering where you are, and that’s the end of your little outing with Rodrick.

When he drops you home, Heather is the furthest thing from your mind, even though you know holding Rodricks hand (even though it wasn’t even purposely!) would be a slight against you.

—

Over the next two weeks, Heather's empty threat went to the back burner of your mind. If she wanted to out you, it would’ve happened by now. I’m safe, you sighed in relief.

Rodrick continued not to go up to her in the morning, but if she talked to him he definitely talked back. It seemed to calm her attitude toward you now, but it still was a hot seat around her. Like now, she’s passing around flyers for her party this weekend and intentionally passed by you.

“Rodrick, you’re definitely coming to my party this weekend, right?” She bats her eyelashes. “I need your band Soiled Diper to play!”

“It’s Löded Diper,” you correct and she glares at you, “and when have you ever wanted us to play anywhere near you?”

“Us?” She scoffs at you. “I just want the main band, not some wannabe.”

“Woah,” Rodrick stops her. “(Y/N) is an actual part of the band, so no him, no band.”

“Him? If that’s what you wanna say, sure.” And to the untrained ear it could just be her upset that he isn’t going along to exclude you, but you know what she means. As you perk up and look in her eyes, she’s already looking at you with a knowing smirk.

She knows. FUCK how does she know?

“I’m fine with not going, Rod,” you try to sway him. This cannot be fucking happening.

“No, it’s either all of us or none of us.”

Of course now he wants to be a fucking hero right now. He doesn’t get that this is social suicide FOR ME! Social homicide? Not important right now.

“Ok,” she has that sugary sweet fake smile. “Don’t come, then. Remember what I said.”

That last part was for you, you know it, and your blood runs cold. Fuck.

The rest of the day you’re on the edge of your seat, thinking what she might do. How the fuck did she even find out? You weren’t on social media much pre-transition, so barely any photos of you before exist. And like you said, your medical records were locked up tight.

Whatever, you try to convince yourself. She won’t do anything! She would’ve already.

You make it home with no one running around talking about your biggest secret, so your anxiety has allowed you to breathe again.

You decide to finally talk to your mom about this because who else will understand?

“You’re right to be afraid, but you’re also right about her doing it when she finally found something on you.” Your mom rubs your hair as you lay in her lap.

“It’s like I can’t get into her mind and I seriously want to. Like what is she planning?” Your thoughts literally won’t shut up. You haven’t had to worry about stuff like this for close to 2 years, and now its like your whole world is about to collapse

“For her sake, I hope nothing because I’m not above beating a little girl's ass!” And you know she’s being for real. Your mom doesn’t play around.

“Mom,” you roll your eyes.

“So, she thinks you like Rodrick…What’s up with that?”

“You know the answer if you’re asking,” you sigh.

“Do you want any advice on that? I say you should go for it.” Your mom shrugs.

“Absolutely not, because if this does come out I don’t want him weirded out by me being trans and gay.” You don’t even know if you are gay gay, but you know it’d make you that if you ask him out.

“I think you’re safe, but if something does blow, I’m in your corner.” She holds up her fist playfully to show it.

“Thank you, Mom.” You finally felt at peace with the whole thing. You trust your mom and feel like it will all blow over.

If only you knew.

The next morning, you walk with a pep in your step. You decide to walk to school, texting Rodrick you didn’t need a ride. It took a little longer to walk than drive, so you knew they’d beat you there.

When you finally showed up, people were staring at you, but it didn’t bother you much. People looked at you and the gang weirdly all the time, it just happened. It was when you finally made your way inside that all hell broke loose.

Random whispers were rampant through the hall, but when you walked by it would stop. Whatever, they were probably just talking about what you were wearing like always. You shrugged and went to find the guys.

You were right in front of them in the cafeteria and about to speak when that sugary voice stopped you, “Hey, [Redacted]!” It exclaimed.

You could’ve thrown up right then and there. You whip around to face Heather, “What the hell did you just call me?”

“Should I tell her or are you guys going to be good friends?”

“Guys, what is she talking about?” You turn to them and the look on their faces say it all.

They Know. Everyone knows.

Ben turns his phone around and you have to will yourself to not spill your breakfast out onto the concrete. It’s a screenshot from one of your parents' private Facebooks from two or three years ago with a title that stated your deadname.

The “girl” in the picture was going to homecoming, and it was obvious that it was you. Your face was softer, caked with makeup, and your hair was longer. The caption had your name and said that you were indeed going to homecoming.

“This picture was private, how the fuck?” You were whispering to yourself. You’re frozen in place, you can’t look anywhere but Ben’s phone.

“How could you hide this from your friends?” Heather fake gasps. “Pretending to be a boy? Going into the boys bathroom and locker room? What a freak!” and her whole group laughs. When you didn’t respond, she kept going, “Like, can you guys believe it? She’s pretending to be a boy to get close to you, and I even heard she had a little crush on one of you!”

That made you bark out a sob. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy-

“It’s crazy! Right, Rodrick?” and that snaps you out of it.

You glance at him, and he looks angry. Probably at you for lying to him. You darted away, looking for an exit because all you can think about is going home. You hear your name called after you, but you don’t care.

—

“What the hell are you doing home? Classes literally just started.” Your mom asks as she’s cuddled up with your dad. You don’t answer her, and just run up to your room, sobbing.

“Woah, woah woah, hey!” They get up to go after you.

When you get to your room, you don’t close your door knowing they’re after you. You shut your phone down and just throw yourself onto your bed, trying to stop your tears.

“Son, what’s wrong? What happened at school?” My dad knocks on the open door.

“Heather Hills,” you say through your pillow. Even if your dad didn’t get it, your mom did.

“She didn’t…”

“She did though, Mom!” You cry out, turning to face them. “She outed me to the whole school! She somehow found one of your Facebooks, got into it and found an old picture of me going to homecoming, and she shared it with the whole school!”

“Are you serious?” Your dad balls up his fist.

“Not only that, but she said that I was pretending to be a guy! Said I was doing it to get close to Rodrick, basically told him I liked him, and made me seem like this big ass weirdo!”

“We need to do something about this,” your mom says, and she sounds pissed. “This has to be some sort of harassment!”

“Your mother is right, we need to contact the school-”

“NO, please,” you start. “What’s done is done, I don’t want this bigger than it is!”

“(Y/N)!-”

“Mom, please listen to me!” You’re exasperated at this point. “Heather has the whole school behind her. Her parents are RICH, so if we try to do anything, it’ll just make everything worse!”

“I don’t give a fuck about her parents! She hurt my baby and she needs to be held accountable!”

“I don’t want to be in the middle of any more drama!” You groan. “I just want to figure this out quietly and on my own. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it and I just want to be left alone!”

“Ok, ok,” your dad sighs and puts a hand on your head. “If that’s what you want, we won’t push it,” he turns to your mom, “won’t we?”

“Yea, I guess,” she rolls her eyes, but gives a weak smile. “But at any point you need any help or she does anything else, we’re in your corner.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“Get some rest, son,” your dad pats your shoulder. “You look like you need it.”

“I’ll try.”

But you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep. You avoid your phone because you didn’t want to be contacted by anyone, but especially Rodrick. You didn’t want to know his disgust with you, didn’t want to know how much he thought that Heather was right.

Without the distraction of your phone, your room and the house was too quiet. You could hear your parents downstairs, trying not to be angry about your situation and watching television. Your mind keeps replaying you looking at Ben’s phone, ears ringing in anger and worry. You’re so horrified, afraid you’ve lost all of your friends. You were supposed to graduate without anyone finding out. What was the point of a fresh start if you were just gonna have to deal with all that you wanted to avoid at your old home?

You hear someone knock on your front door, and even being that far away from it you heard Rodricks voice. This time you can’t stop your stomach from lurching and you run to the bathroom.

As you flush the toilet, you hear the door close and footsteps up the stairs. That makes you pray on the bathroom floor to anything that could hear you to not make you talk to him yet.

“Hey, baby, you alright?” Your mom’s voice fills you with relief and seems to calm your stomach.

“No,” you say truthfully. You didn’t feel like lying right now, “I feel like everything is over for me.”

“You heard him, didn’t you?”

“Not what he said, but I heard his voice,” you admit.

“Then I think you should answer your phone.” And with that, she leads you back to your room, kisses your forehead, and goes back downstairs.

—

You don’t turn your phone back on until the next day. You still felt sick, and no matter how much you tried to eat you just couldn’t. You stayed home from school and your parents didn’t argue, but they still had to go out for work. Not a full trip, but they had to go to the next town over.

You had less messages than you thought you would, but it’s still crazy. Drew, Ward, Chris, Ben, and even Bill messaged you, but you didn’t care about all of them because one name caught your eye. Rodrick.

It was four messages; are you home??, answer me!, i’m coming over. were the first three, but the last message was a video.

It starts staring at the floor, and then it’s pointed to a group of people. You can make out you, the gang, and Heather behind you. You take off running, but the recording doesn’t stop there.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rodrick stands up and gets in Heather's face.

“What?” she laughs in disbelief.

“You heard what I said!”

“Are you seriously defending her over me? I thought you liked me?!” You can hear the fakeness in her voice.

“That was before you decided to spread lies about my friend! He has done nothing to you!” the emphasis on the “he” makes your eyes widen. “You’re gonna stop talking shit about my best friend to my face! You’re such a fake bitch! I don’t know how I ever liked you…”

“Don’t tell me you’re seriously picking her over me? You must be more homo than her to like that wannabe boy.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The rest of the guys pipe up and start to surround Heather.

“He is a guy, and if you think anything other than it, you must be stupider than I thought,” Ben steps up.

“And so what if I like him? Just know I don’t like you, not anymore.” Rodrick is the angriest you’ve ever seen him, it’s kind of hot scary.

“Whatever, you’re all just losers. Lets go,” she turns and walks off with her crew.

That’s where the video ends.

You couldn’t stop rewatching it in amazement. He had stood up to Heather Hills for you without hesitation. Had said he liked you to Heather Hills. To basically the entire school, if this video has already gone around.

You debate whether or not you wanted to talk to him, but your need for your best friend wins over your need to hide. You slip on your shoes and head out.

You live a little over 5 minutes away from Rodrick even though he drives you guys everywhere. You know you could’ve told him to come over to your house, but it’s nice to finally get some fresh air. Plus, his mom was always nice to see when you went over his house.

When you get there, you see his van parked in the driveway near the garage. You have to hype yourself up to knock on the front door, but once you do it’s like a wave of nausea comes crashing over you.

I can’t do this, oh my god. What have I-

Before you can finish your thoughts, the door opens. You half expect it to be Rodrick, but it’s just Greg.

“Hey, kid.” You do a little wave as if you haven’t met him before. Whenever you come over, you tend to see Greg and Rowley, too. Most of the time they’re just in the living room, but they sometimes come up to the attic just to get chewed out by Rodrick, especially when it’s just you two up there.

“Hey, (Y/N),” he smiles, “where’ve you been?”

“Yknow.” You wring your hands. “Around.”

You can barely get words out. Does Greg know? Did Rodrick tell his family about what his best friend is?

“Rodrick should be upstairs in his room.” Greg moves out of the way so you can step into the house. “He’s been moping up there since yesterday, I don’t even think he’s left it today.”

“He didn’t go to school?” It’s not surprising, he’s always skipping, but you know it’s because of what went down yesterday.

“Nope,” Greg shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you guys, because he only acts like this when he can’t see you, but I think you guys will work it out. It’s like me and Rowley, just less romantical.”

“W-what-” you sputter out. “I don’t-”

“Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself.” Greg cuts you off with an eye roll. “Like I said, he’s upstairs.”

“Thanks, kid.” Your face is on fire.

And with that, you mount the stairs to the attic. Is your crush on Rodrick really that obvious that even his family can see it? And with the way Greg was talking it seems to be reciprocated. You heard it come out of Rodrick’s own mouth, but what if he just said that so Heather could leave you alone?

You’re in front of his door before you can finish your thoughts. You knock, ready to get this over with.

“Mom, I told you I’ll be ok, just leave me alone!” You hear him call out.

“Not your mom, last time I checked.” You say, a soft smile grows on your face from hearing his voice.

You hear him leap up off of his bed and trip over something, but it doesn’t seem to phase him as he runs to open the door.

“(Y/N),” he breathes out.

“Hey,” you can barely look him in the face. “Can I come in?”

“Yea, yea, come in!” He pulls you through the door.

Once in his room, it’s like you’ve never set foot in it. You don’t know what to do, where to sit. It all feels new to you for some reason.

“Dude, just sit down somewhere.” Rodrick laughs at your newfound confusion.

You decide to sit on his bed, which you do every time you come over. You and Rodrick always sit on opposite ends of the bed so you can look at each other, which this time is no different.

You just sit there, staring at each other. You decide to break the ice. “It’s true, all of it. I don’t know how Heather got that picture, but I was a girl for most of my life up until now. Please, don’t hate me.”

“I’m not going to lie, it made me mad that I had to find out through Heather Hills,” he sighs, “but then again it’s none of my business. You were doing it to protect yourself, so I get it and I don’t have a right to be mad. I could never hate you over something like that though.”

You just sit there with your mouth open. You knew subconsciously that he couldn’t have hated you, but you had grown up hearing all the hatred people had for people like you. You had no choice to be on the defense when coming over here, no matter what you heard.

“I just-” You start. “I just, I know you’re my best friend, and I should’ve trusted you with this, but I couldn’t. I’ve never had anyone but my parents know. Their families don’t even know, that’s the whole reason we moved here.”

“Would you have ever told me?” He asks, kind of quiet.

“Maybe.” You shrug honestly. “I was too worried about trying to survive high school without a slip up to think that far ahead.”

“Oh,” is all he answers.

It’s another drowning silence. You’ve never had an awkward silence in your entire friendship, this is freaking you out.

“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Rodrick speaks up.

“Yea, it was the first thing I saw when I turned my phone back on.” Another beat of silence. “It was the only reason I came over here to talk to you.”

“Did you watch the whole thing?”

“Only a hundred times,” you smile evilly. “I love watching that barbie wannabe get put in her place.”

“Yea, that was great to do,” his voice lowers, “but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I know.” You whisper and look him in the eyes.

You just sit there staring at each other, and then Rodrick looks down at your lips. It was so quick you could’ve missed it if you blinked, but you saw it. Just go for it.

“Are you going to kiss me, or just think about it?” You try to sound confident, but it ends up a quiet squeak.

His eyes widen, but he begins to inch over to you until you’re pressed up against each other. “Is this okay?” His whisper tickles your lips.

You just nod, eyes never leaving his. You don’t know who leans in first, but your lips are together in a flash. Your grip on his shirt is tight, as if when you let go it’ll all disappear. Your mouths almost move in unison, like you’re trying to devour the other. You can barely breath, feeling like this isn’t real. You dreamed about this moment for so long and now that it’s here it’s like you’re ascending.

You are the one who pulls away first, needing to breathe. Rodrick doesn’t seem like he wants to stop, kissing down your jaw to your neck. While you're breathing softly, you hear a knock at his door. That doesn’t stop Rodrick though.

“Rodrick,” you breath out as a warning.

“Hm,” he hums indifferently. Before you both know it, his door opens.

“Rodrick, you need to leave this- OH MY GOD!” His mother screams out.

“MOM!” Rodrick jumps away from you in fear and shock.

You’re all just stuck looking at both of them staring at each other before you break the silence.

“Hey, Ms. Susan…”

After that you are put through a lecture with his mom and dad. You guys can’t be upstairs alone without Greg being a buffer, door open at all times even with the other guys there. They, of course, texted your parents about what they found so that's gonna be fun to go home to. But you felt like none of that mattered because you got what you wanted. You didn’t lose your friends, and you even gained a boyfriend.

He offers to drive you home, which you take because you want to be close to him for a little longer. So you wave goodbye to his parents and get into the van.

You hold hands on the way to your house.

—

“We’re glad you decided to come back to school,” Rodrick squeezes your hand. “It’s been so boring.”

“First of all, I was gone one day,” you roll your eyes in fake annoyance. “And second of all, you literally didn’t even go yesterday!”

“But it’s always boring whenever I don’t get to see you, baby.” He wiggles his shoulders against yours.

All the guys groan in fake disgust. “Yall are so corny, break up already.” Ben gags.

“I didn’t even say anything!” You throw your hands up, taking one of Rodricks hands with you.

“Cringe by association.” And you roll your eyes in true annoyance.

“Are you sure you’re ready to go back?” Rodrick interrupts. “We could just go back to your house and hang out for the day.”

“I’m sure you’d love that,” you shove his arm, “but if I keep skipping, it’ll be like she won. Plus I’m not losing my straight A streak because of that bimbo.”

“Fine,” he huffs. “I can’t wait for the last day, school is so boring.”

“I thought without me it was boring?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.” He kisses your cheek.

“Yuck,” one of the guys laughs out behind your back.

“Shut the fuck up so we can get this day over with.” You flip them off.

You’re, of course, joking because you know you couldn’t have gone through this without them. After your talk with Rodrick, you all had a group hangout and talked through all of this. They let you know the whole time that they were 100% on your side. They were your boys and you were theirs.

Maybe the rest of the year won't be hell. You got the guy, smited the girl, and even if you were outed, you had all the friends you needed with you already. You were going to be fine.

[da-rulah]

The Mayor's Daughter - Mary Goore x f!Reader [Part 6]

Summary: It was only a matter of time before you asked to see Mary's band, but he can't help the rising anxiety that you might just hate what he does… Still, he concedes, and you head to their show with him. If you thought Mary was hot before, oh boy… Now he's irresistible.

Rating: Explicit, 18+

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: Teasing, sexual tension, cum play, sexual harassment, unwanted physical contact, use of a homophobic slur, violence, oral sex (m receiving), throat fucking, masturbation (f), cum swallowing, cum play 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3 | MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

A/N: Well, look who's back... Mary's here. 😈 Thank you to all those who've waited to patiently for this next chapter. I hope you won't be disappointed... As always, thank you to me besties @her-satanic-wiles and @angellayercake for their encouragement and beta reading services - I adore you both.

AND, this one's dedicated to @kissingghouls, who had a birthday during the week and tested a little snippet of this chapter out for me 👀 I hope you love the rest of it 💕

You could have lay there all night. Truthfully, you couldn’t think of anywhere else in the world you’d rather be right now besides buried in blankets and pillows in Mary’s arms, looking out at the moon rippling across the water of the lake. The radio still played from the cab of his van, and you were content to listen to Mary singing along to his favourite songs under his breath.  

You could feel him vibrating beneath you as he sang, your back pressed to his chest and laying against him between his legs. Every so often, he’d press a kiss to the side of your head, or readjust the way his hands lay across your stomach with his fingers intertwined with yours. You were just so comfortable, never having felt so safe and wanted before.  

“Do you sing in your band, too?” you asked him, fiddling with the rings on his fingers absentmindedly. 

“Hm? Oh, uh... Yeah I guess I do.” You turned your head to look at him, suspicion creasing your brow. 

“You guess?” 

“Well, it’s kinda more... growling? Some screaming. Bit of singing,” he shrugged, a little sheepish. 

“Aw, and here’s me thinking I was the only one you growled for,” you teased, which earned you a laugh.  

“Well you’re the only one who can drag it outta me like that,” he flirted, bouncing his eyebrows and planting a lingering kiss to the top of your cheek.  

You got comfortable again, settling into his chest and wrapping his arms tighter around you. A few moments of blissful quiet passed as you thought about him on stage; what would he sound like? Look like? Was he good? You wanted to know. 

“I wanna see you play,” you said earnestly. “when are you playing next?” 

Mary clammed up a little behind you, suddenly wracked with insecurity and anxiety at the thought of you coming to one of his gigs. It’d feel pretty shitty if you didn’t like his music, and he was very aware that it wasn’t for everyone. While you never complained at the heavier stations on his van radio, you also didn’t strike him as the type to enjoy death metal. You were merely being polite, he was sure of it...  

But then, this was him stereotyping again. Consciously now, he could see it and call himself out before the words left his mouth.  

“Uh... We actually have one on Saturday.” You noticed the nervousness in his tone, the hesitation. You understood why; it must be a little scary to show someone you care about the passion that drives you as fiercely as music drove Mary. 

“I don’t have to come if that’s too soon, I get it,” you tried to reassure him, turning around and smiling sweetly at him. But even that was enough to quell some of his anxiety, just your consideration.  

“You know what?” he sat upright then, angling you a little better while the blankets wrapped around you fell to your waist, exposing you both to the colder night air. “I want you there. Even if you hate us, be nice to see a pretty face out there for me.” 

You rolled your eyes at him playfully, “You just want a groupie, huh?” 

“Hmm, maybe,” he hummed, grinning cheekily and leaning into you to press his lips to yours. You giggled against his lips, letting him curl around you as you melted into each other. It felt so easy to you now, so unbelievably natural. You had to ask yourself why you had taken so long to get here. You could have had this all long, if the pair of you weren’t so stuck in those stereotypical little bubbles of yours.  

But you were here now, and that’s what mattered. Not without its future flaws, you were sure, but it was a start.  

Mary finished off the last song of practise without issue. By now, the band knew every song inside and out, so band practise was only ever a formality, or an excuse to get together and jam. But Davey always called one just before a show, in case there were any issues to iron out and to put together a running order for the setlist. He had a unit where they practised often, all their stage equipment stored in there save for their guitars. 

“So where you been, Goore? Dropped off the face of the earth lately. Last time I saw you was days ago at the garage...” Forrest smirked with an accusation brewing behind his eyes – Mary could tell. He continued winding up the cable in his hands to avoid his eye contact, shaking his head with a smile he could barely hide no matter how hard he tried. That’s what thinking of you did to him. 

“Ah y’know, about,” he avoided. 

“Bullshit, you got a call and bolted. I remember.” 

Mary’s arms slumped by his sides in exasperation, the curled up cable flapping against his thigh.  

“Yeah, and before that last time we saw you was the bicentennial... Fuck’s up with you?” Jed was interested now, shoving his drumsticks into his beat up old backpack that had seen better days. Even Davey who was slotting his bass into its case very carefully – that thing was his baby, often reminding everyone it cost more than their rents combined – was suddenly very interested in where the elusive Mary Goore had been the last couple of weeks. 

“You can’t even hide the smile. It’s a girl, ain’t it?” he chimed in, teasing him like a kid in a playground. “You gone soft?” 

“Nah just had a lot of guitars to work on at the shop lately,” Mary shrugged, tucking the cable away into his own guitar case. 

“Your pants are scorching right now, Mare...” Jed grinned, hopping up to sit on an amp stack.  

Mary finally stood up straight and sighed, looking around at the guys who all had expectant looks on their faces. He knew he’d have to tell them eventually – they were only going to meet you in a few days anyway. He can’t hide you forever, especially when he’d been so sensitive about being hidden himself in your world... He was many things, but a hypocrite he was not. 

“Alright, fine... Yeah, there’s a girl.” The nerves were evident in his voice, quieter and a little stuttery. Of course, the guys all jumped down his throat with “ooh”s and “wheeey”s, Jed even shoving his shoulder in a weird masculine display of celebration.  

“Been holed up somewhere with some broad, ey?” he waggled his eyebrows at him. “Come on then, who is she?” 

Mary was clamming up, having no idea how they were going to react to this. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shuffled on his feet. Forrest noticed his change, and squinted at him as he observed.  

This wasn’t like him. Forrest was the most mature of the guys, had known Mary the longest – since they were kids – and he was very aware there were multiple versions of him. The front he showed the world, and the sensitive and broken guy underneath. Seeing him get nervous about a girl though... that had never happened before. 

“You wouldn’t really know her, she’s not really... from our circle...” Mary dodged the truth as long as he could, but it was inevitable.  

“Yeah no shit, between us we’ve exhausted our “circle”,” Davey laughed, making air quotes with his fingers. Mary winced at the thought of his promiscuous reputation; not a past he was all that proud of... 

“You remember back at the bar, a few weeks ago...?” he started, and Jed jumped in immediately. 

“That girl you stormed right past? You went back?” He leaned forward where he sat on the amp, excited to hear the gory details he definitely was not getting.  

“No-” 

“No fucking way,” Davey jumped in, recalling the night in question. “You’re still fucking her majesty?”  

“She’s not-” Mary tried to get a word in, but Davey and Jed were having too much fun with this, interrupting him. 

“The Mayor’s daughter? Fuckin’ hell, Mare,” he laughed with uncontained glee at the prospect. “I know she’s a hot piece of ass, but seriously? Girls like her ain’t into guys like us.” 

Mary’s fists clenched at his sides. It was becoming clear the stereotypes were not contained to just you and him, but you’d both grown up in a world perpetuated by them. Forrest watched the scene unfold quietly, observing Mary’s reactions that were so out of pocket for him. 

“Well she did fuck him in a public bathroom that night, Jed,” Davey joined Jed’s delight. “Daddy’s girl’s got a kinky side.”  

“Shut the fuck up, Davey,” Forrest interjected on Mary’s behalf. Everyone’s heads whipped toward him, including Mary’s. “Fucking neanderthals, man...” The smiles from their faces were wiped clean, their proverbial tails hanging between their legs.  

Forrest walked to stand beside Mary, folding his arms across his chest. “This could be a dangerous game to play, Mare. If her dad finds out...” 

“He already kicked her out. For... other reasons...” Mary didn’t want to divulge too much of your shit to them, that wasn’t his place. He feared he’d already said too much when he saw the looks of shock and confusion on their faces. “She’s been staying with me the last few days.”  

“Move pretty quick, don’t you?” laughed Jed, who was thrown a look of caution by Forrest and immediately shut up again with a mumbled, “sorry”.  

“So you like her then, huh?” Forrest enquired with a smug smile. Mary nodded, biting his thumb nail. “She coming to the show?” 

Jed snickered at the thought, effectively saying “yeah, as if she’d be into our music” without having to say the actual words. Mary shot him a warning glare. 

“Yeah, she is actually,” he didn’t take his eyes off Jed, just begging him to say one more shitty thing. He didn’t.  

“Nice, well I’ll train the apes up and have ‘em civilised for the lady. Don’t worry about it.” Forrest slapped a hand on Mary’s back in support, heading back over to pack up and clicking his fingers in the other’s direction to get them moving too.  

Mary was grateful for Forrest stepping in like that. There was a deeper bond with him than the others, not just on account of the longevity of their friendship, but he’d been there through all of Mary’s shit. For a long time, Forrest was the only friend he had and if anybody understood him, it was him.  

Forrest had his own shit too – neglectful parents, like Mary, but in different ways. High-powered, career driven types. They’d leave him with a nanny and swan off on business trips and fancy vacations, so he knew loneliness in his own way too.  

While his friends were always a good laugh, Davey and Jed just weren’t on quite the same wavelength. Where Forrest and Mary had matured a little, grown up with a smidge of respect, they were trailing behind. They were still young men, trapped in rebellion, angst and male bravado. They needed reigning in from time to time, usually by Mary’s or Forrest’s hand but on more than one occasion they’d had their asses kicked outside a bar for their mouth. The point is, they were learning. Slowly, but they were learning...  

Once the guys packed up their stuff – largely in silence – Davey and Jed muttered a ‘see ya later’ as they filtered out of the unit, but Forrest hung back as Mary rolled down the shutters and padlocked them shut. 

“Hey Mare, does uh... Does she know?” Forrest asked, his voice low as the others walked down the alley of other units just ahead of them. 

“Know what?” he asked, a little confused. “That you guys made a bet with me the first night? Yeah she knew that then, we laughed about it,” he shrugged.  

“No, I didn’t mean that,” Forrest scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He hated bringing this up, it was such a sore subject for Mary... “Does she know... what her dad did?” 

Mary’s eyes widened as it hit him – no, you didn’t know that. Mary hadn’t divulged that much to you, and he didn’t exactly intend to...  

“No. She doesn’t need to,” he shrugged nonchalantly, avoiding the subject. Forrest didn’t press the matter, not wanting to drag Mary down that road any more than he already had. Instead, they took a few steps in silence.  

“So go on then, tell me what she’s like...” Forrest nudged his shoulder as the two of them walked out to the parking lot. Mary smiled at the ground, babbling and singing your praises for as long as Forrest would allow him.  

Watching Mary apply his make-up was becoming one of your favourite past times. He was so particular about it, specifically tonight as he applied it in the dingy little mirror in the corner of their dressing room. Day to day, he cared a little less but tonight was important – every gig was, to him.  

It became very apparent to you very quickly that he took his shows very seriously. As much as he was there to have fun, this was more than just a hobby to him. He wanted this to go somewhere, to make something of himself. This was a dream that he’d worked his skinny little ass off for, and so everything had to be just right, his before-show rituals performed the same as always.  

But there you sat, watching him from the battered two-seater couch in the room as he added the final touches to his skull paint. He pulled back from the mirror, looking at his reflection and smirking with a nod of satisfaction. But then he caught you in that mirror behind him, watching him without an attempt to look away.  

“Lookin’ good, Goore,” you told him, leaning forward on your elbows, chin resting in your palm.  

“I guess, but it’s missing something...” He seemed unbothered, making no move to add any more paints.  

“The blood, right?” you asked, but he shrugged.  

“Wanna try something new. Get over here, doll,” he instructed, beckoning you over. You rose from your seat, closing the distance between you both. He leaned back onto the sink, folding his arms over his chest as you got a little closer than necessary, stood between his feet and leaning your hands on the edges of the sink. Mere inches separated you, and you waited for him to continue. 

“That’s a pretty shade of lipstick you got on tonight,” he flirted, pulling your bottom lip down with his thumb and inspecting the red residue that lingered on it when he pulled back.  

“You should recognise it, not the first time I’ve worn it for you.” If he remembered right, he’d know you wore it the first time he’d snuck in through your bedroom window; the same pretty shade of blood red. “You asked me back then if I thought it would look good on you, and then you kissed me.” 

“I did, didn’t I?” he mused, feigning thoughtfulness. “And it did look good on me...” You giggled at that, and it damn near sent Mary to his knees right there and then. He would never get fucking tired of that giggle. “Have you got it on you?” he asked, before he could get too distracted by that pretty little sound. 

“Of course,” you said, patting the little purse hanging from your shoulder and down by your hip. 

“Good, you might need a touch up when I’m done with you,” he smirked. “Think you can make some pretty little lipstick marks for me?” You nodded, moving in to kiss him immediately but he stopped you, his finger on your lip. You pouted, sagging your shoulders.  

He pulled his finger from your lips and pointed it to his cheek bone, where the black met the white of his thin and chalky paints. You took the initiative, and stood up on your toes to reach, planting a very deliberate kiss to the area. When you pulled back, you marvelled at your work; the prettiest lip stain sat where you’d pressed your lips against him. Mary turned his head to look sideways into the mirror behind him, smirking at the transfer.  

“Perfect, need more though,” he said, turning back to you and pointing now at his jawline on the other side of his face. You obliged eagerly, lingering just a little longer this time and pressing your body against his where he leaned on the sink. You could feel his body tense under you, like he was trying to act cool and aloof but fighting an urge rising inside him... 

“Can I choose a spot?” you teased by his ear, letting your breasts press into his chest just a little...  

“Choose wisely, doll...” he warned, with no real warning behind it whatsoever. But you already had a spot in mind...  

You tucked your head just under his chin, letting your warm breath fan over the expanse of skin around his neck before gently placing your lips directly over his Adam’s apple. You felt it bob as he swallowed with anxiety, the tension of holding back his urges to devour you becoming almost unbearable. You loved that you had this effect on him... He was supposed to be this cocky, self-assured little badass; so how come you could have him tensing and straining with just a few simple, light kisses? Because you drove him wild. 

You lifted your hands from the edges of the sink, instead settling them on his waist while you parted your lips against his neck, letting your tongue lap at the skin briefly before pulling back with a smirk just as he let out a hum of satisfaction. You saw his head thrown back, his eyes shut just before he realised you’d disappeared and snapped his gaze back to you. The look on his face was priceless, silently asking you why the hell you’d stopped.  

“Didn’t wanna smudge it,” you shrugged, smirking. 

“You fucking minx,” he chuckled.  

“One more,” you told him, digging through your purse to add another layer of red to your lips so you could leave the most definitive print this time. Then you leaned in one more time, as if you were going to kiss him on the lips – which frankly, by now, he was desperate for. But you dodged his advance and pressed your lips just to the corner of his mouth, planting a firm, red lip stain so prettily for him.  

“There,” you leaned back, still crowding his space and holding his waist, “looks good.” 

“Not fair of you to tease me like that when the guys are gonna be here any minute, and I can’t bend you over this sink and fuck you dumb,” he growled, knowing full well the effect only his words had on you. His brash vulgarity was such a turn on to you, especially now that you’d experienced Mary’s sweeter side, his tenderness and gentility. He was like Jekyll and Hyde, and knowing what a softie he could be when feelings were involved, it was all the more exciting when Hyde came out to play... 

He pinched your chin between his thumb and knuckle, angling your head to tilt up to him a little more. “I seem to remember you wanted to see how pretty this shade looked smothered all over my cock, hm?” 

Damn him. You had said that... Back in your bedroom that night, but he’d denied you in favour of being the one to taste you instead. If you had the time right now, you’d have dropped to your knees in a heartbeat, but that door would swing open at any moment, his friends and bandmates arriving to get set up and head out on stage. You hadn’t tasted Mary since the very first time you’d slept together, and frankly, your mouth watered at the thought.  

“Shame I’ll have to wait a little longer,” you whined, pouting like a spoilt brat who didn’t get her way, but it only made Mary’s grin wider as he looked down at you.  

As if Satan himself had planned the timing, the door handle to the dressing room rattled, alerting you to the presence of his bandmates arriving and startling you both to stand upright, Mary tucking you into his side with an arm around your shoulder almost protectively.  

“Goore!” Jed strolled into the dressing room with his arms wide open, followed by Davey and Forrest lugging equipment in and glaring at the back of his head for not pulling his damn weight and carrying some of this shit himself. Jed walked straight up to Mary, ignoring your presence at first and forcing Mary into a typical ‘bro hug’ with heavy slaps to each other’s backs in greeting. But then he finally turned to you, a cheeky and mischievous look in his eye. “And this must be the Dutchess...”  

Mary froze, desperately trying to think of something to say in your defence, anything to turn the attention away from Jed’s comment that he could only imagine stung so much worse with everything you’d been through lately. But he couldn’t think of anything... He’d told them to be good. To welcome you, to be fucking decent and immediately, Jed waltzed in and had to poke at an open wound.  

Davey and Forrest stopped dead too, waiting in silence, everyone aware of the tension that lay heavy in the room just from one snide little dig at your family history...  

You looked to Mary next to you and smirked, before turning back to Jed and folding your arms over your chest. You took a step towards him, looking him up and down as if inspecting him before putting on your best snooty impression, and saying, “I think you’re supposed to kneel before a Dutchess, are you not?”  

Another moment of silence passed, Jed’s face twisting from one of slight shock, to mild amusement. “Nah, I’m sure Goore kneels at your feet often enough for everyone,” he teased, winking at you. “I’m Jed,” he introduced, holding a hand out to you which you gladly took, watching as he lifted the back of your hand to kiss the back of it briefly and bow his head in mock respect.  

“I remember,” you laughed, looking back at Mary who was looking at you with concern, but also pride... You had handled that better than he could have expected, cleverly inserting yourself into the humour rather than allowing yourself to be offended by it. You took the power away from Jed, and instead, earned his respect. You didn’t miss his exhale of relief.  

“What’s with the lipstick, Mare?” Jed asked, pointing generally at his face. The others looked over too, now registering it wasn’t fake blood on his face, but lipstick – suspiciously the same colour as you were wearing. 

“Trying something new,” Mary shrugged with a smirk. 

“That your way of telling the ladies you’re taken now, eh?” Davey laughed, waggling his eyebrows. “Goore is off the market!” 

“Better be, I don’t wanna have to get the claws out,” you warned, stepping back into Mary’s side and wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You dropped your voice a little lower so only Mary could hear, “at least, not for anyone but you.”  

Mary just smirked down at you, biting his lip at the thought of your nails dragging across his flesh in the heat of passion later on tonight. You were being very distracting this evening... 

Forrest and Davey reintroduced themselves to you once they’d set the equipment they carried down, the room settling into a far less tense environment. You sat yourself back down on the small couch and let the preparation for their gig unfold before you, chiming into conversation every now and then where you saw fit. Jed would throw you a few more jabs, but you managed to bat them right back at him like it was child’s play. And with each comeback, you earned just a tad bit more respect out of not only him, but Davey and Forrest too.  

The guys went to soundcheck before the venue opened, while you hung back in the dressing room citing that you wanted to see the real show first. You’d rather see Mary in all his glory and performing than playing to an empty club for the first time. When they came back in, you could see the excitement had grown within the band, the buzz starting to build for the show now that they’d set up and were ready to go.  

The beers had started to flow, just a few to keep them coherent enough to play of course, but the atmosphere was changing, building right up until the moment the stage manager came to collect them. The guys all downed the remainder of their beers, gathering whatever little bits they needed before heading out on stage. The guys wandered out of the door without Mary, leaving the two of you alone. 

Mary pulled you to your feet from the couch, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Keep yourself safe in the crowd, yeah? Can get a bit rowdy...” he warned, a hint of anxiety present in his features. Not just at the thought of you alone in a crowd of metalheads moshing without a care in the world, but at the thought that you might just hate his music. That thought had been niggling away at him for days, ever since he first invited you.  

“I’ll be fine, gonna stick by the bar so you know where to find me when you get off stage,” you assured, pulling gently on the spike of hair he’d now styled in front of his face to sharpen the point for him. “Oh, wait!” 

You rushed out of his hold and towards his backpack, digging through it until you found his make-up kit and rushed back to him. You picked out the little vial of fake blood you knew he kept in there, dropping the kit down on the couch behind you.  

“Can’t go out there and be ‘Mary Goore’ without the ‘Goore’, hm?” you winked, uncapping the bottle and resting the nozzle on his hairline, letting it drip and dribble down his face just enough that it wouldn’t interfere with the pretty lip stains you made earlier. You screwed the cap back on and threw it back into the bag behind you. 

“Part of me is starting to think the blood turns you on a little...” he taunted, that stupid little smirk on his face again. You wanted to one-up him, to have the last damn word... And so, with a quick check to make sure the two of you were in fact alone, you grabbed his wrist and directed his hand down to hem of the short denim skirt you were wearing, pushing it up your inner thigh until you could manoeuvre his fingertips to push the edge of your panties to one side and slide over the little mess that all this damn teasing had caused, coating his fingers in it... 

You pulled his hand from under your skirt and lifted it to between the two of you, giggling in a way that had him stirring beneath his jeans. 

“I think maybe it does...” you tormented, letting go of his wrist and making your way to the doorway, leaning against it as if you were about to leave. Mary stood in awe of you, his hand still hovering in front of him as he looked between you and the shine on his fingertips a few times before snapping back to reality and realising he had a damn show to put on.  

He did the only rational thing he could think to, shoving his slick fingers into his mouth to clean them off while he held eye contact with you. You felt yourself flutter at the sight, gripping onto the doorframe a little tighter. This mother fucker really knew how to rile you up... 

“I’ll need more of that later, doll,” he told you sternly, stepping towards you. You took it as your cue to run, heading down the hall towards the club laughing almost maniacally as Mary stomped after you, his anxiety over performing for you replaced with a simmering need to get it over with so he could just fucking have you.  

It had only been ten minutes since you’d left the dressing room, but you were getting a little antsy waiting... This wasn’t your usual scene, and you’d hoped that maybe your first time in a goth club you’d have Mary at your side to make the experience a little less intimidating. The majority of the crowd were men, all metalheads, and while you were more comfortable here than at any political event or frat party you’d ever been to, you were sure you stuck out like a sore thumb.  

This club was in the city, and so you weren’t worried about anybody really knowing who you were save for Mary and his bandmates. But you were still finding yourself, figuring out your style and the wonderful thing about goth clubs is that everybody here went all out for the aesthetic. You felt boring, mundane even in the outfit you’d chosen. Sure, it was all black, but you’d thought the fishnet top over a black cami was daring... But in this scene, it wasn’t.  

You felt out of place, and without Mary at your side, you were sure you didn’t blend in nearly as much as you were hoping to. So, keeping to the edge of the club by the bar felt like a safe option. While everyone’s eyes were up front on the stage, you could stand back and watch as your boyfriend – well, you hadn’t exactly talked about a label, but you figured – owned the stage. And watch, you did. 

From the second Mary got up on that stage, you couldn’t look away. You hadn’t seen him play much, just a little here and there on that battered old acoustic of his, but never like this... He had such a command to him, this enigmatic energy that captivated you. Clearly, he was in his element. He’d told you it was his dream to perform, to be successful with his music and watching him now, you could see he put every fucking ounce of his soul into it.  

His music was heavy; you expected that. The lyrics were dark, screamed and growled into the microphone like he was possessed. You could understand why he was nervous for you to hear it, to see this dark side of Mary. Music like this wouldn’t appeal to the masses, sure, but it certainly did to you. He was starting to learn there was a dark side to you too, buried and covered up with pretty pink bows and glitter but it was in there. No wonder you were attracted to Mary like a moth to a flame...  

There was something about him on stage that just sparked something... Perhaps the way he handled his guitar, his fingers moving so deftly through the manic riffs he shredded. Perhaps it was the way he growled into the microphone; a deep, gravelly noise that made your breath catch in your lungs. Perhaps it was the way the crowd responded to him, adoring him and screaming for him and yet you knew that he was yours. 

The combination of it all was driving you wild. Riling each other up before the show certainly hadn’t helped, but you found yourself forgetting you were ever anxious to step foot in a club like this alone and focussing solely on him. With each song, you fell deeper into this almost obsessive need for him. 

Your demise finally came when a few songs into the set, his eyes landed on you. And the fucker smirked. 

With his eyes trained on you, he spoke into the mic. 

“Are you morbid?” he growled. The crowd screamed back at him, but he wasn’t talking to them. Not really.  

You bit your lip, unable to look away from him or even blink as he stared at you, as if he was waiting for you and you only to respond.  

“I said, are you morbid?” he insisted, the crowd screaming back again, louder this time. All you could do was nod pathetically, squeezing your thighs together and squirming just from the way he sounded, his stare... His smirk spread into a menacingly dark grin, his make-up and the lighting acting to enhance his devilish persona. He was turning you on, and he could see it.  

“Fuck yeah, you are,” he snarled, immediately running his fingers along the strings of his guitar to make it screech and diving into the next song. You could have sworn you felt the ghost of his touch as he did, as if his fingers were running their way up your inner thigh and not the neck of his guitar – the thought had your cheeks flushing, hidden under the dim lighting of the club.  

Watching his set was like torture. You tried to focus on the songs, to get into the music and as much as you were enjoying it you just couldn’t tear your eyes from him. When you’d first met Mary at the dive bar, he’d had this arrogance, this cocky self-confidence to him that lured you in but the more you got to know Mary, the more you knew that was a front a lot of the time. He had that softer side, that insecurity that he masked. But this version of Mary? This was where his true confidence lay, and it might just be the sexiest thing you had ever seen.  

As all good things must come to an end, so did their set. The crowd cheered and roared for them, and you found yourself fidgeting while you waited for them to come off stage, pack up their gear and for Mary to come and find you. Impatience had you leaning on the bar, beer in hand and tapping your foot to the metal playing through the club now that the show was over. When you finally felt two strong hands sliding around your waist from behind you, you let out a sigh of relief, smiling to yourself as you span in their grasp. 

“And what’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone in this dive, huh?” 

It wasn’t Mary.  

A strange faced smirked down at you, a thick and heavy beard to match the blonde hair that fell in untamed waved past his shoulders. His lip was pierced, straining from where he bit it while his eyes drank you in from head to toe as if you were some kind of prize. He reeked of cheap spirits and sweat, his forehead shining under the club lights as if he’d been in the mosh pit for the duration of the set.  

Beside him was someone you’d mistake for his twin, if it weren’t for the black hair and obvious difference in size and stature. The man holding you was tall, but solid. His friend was shorter, his body unhealthily thick. But still, he matched the description of your metalhead stereotype, and he too was dragging his eyes all over your body. 

Immediately your smile dropped and you shoved both hands into the guy’s chest. He stayed put, his solid frame too strong to waver but your push forced you back against the bar far enough to get out of his hold.  

“Waiting for my boyfriend, actually,” you snapped, laced with disgust. The blonde guy just laughed incredulously, as if he didn’t believe you.  

“I don’t see no boyfriend,” he said, looking from side to side as if that proved his point. He stepped further towards you, trapping you against the bar and holding onto your waist again. “Can pretend I am for the night if you want?” 

He leaned into you as if he were going to kiss your neck, but you leaned further back and out of the way, trying to push him away from you. All you could do was stop him just short, rather than rid your body of his hold completely. 

“Yeah, no thanks. Get off me!” you yelled.  

“Don’t play hard to get, darlin’. He’s just bein’ friendly!” his buddy chimed in, laughing as he took a swig of a drink he clutched with his sweaty little sausage fingers.  

“Said I’m waiting for my fucking boyfriend, piss off!” You gave him one final shove, and while he took a step back, he didn’t let go of you.  

“I got a better offer, baby. You could have us both if you wanted...” he smirked, glancing back at his friend who laughed with him.  

“Don’t think she wants either of you, Corbin.” Relief set in when you heard his voice materialising next to you, a hand with rings you recognised planting itself on this guy’s chest and pushing him back with enough force that he finally let go of you.  

Mary stepped between you both, squaring up to the blonde without a second thought.  

“The fuck would you know about it, Goore?” The blonde – who you now understood to be named Corbin – sneered, clearly irritated by the arrival of Mary instantly. 

“Well, ya see, that’s my girlfriend you had your grubby little paws all over. And I don’t really like it when people touch my things,” he shrugged, but his tone was far from indifferent.  

Corbin and his greasy little friend roared with laughter, as if the idea of Mary and you was the funniest joke they’d ever heard. That pissed you off... 

“As if a hot piece of ass like that’s gonna fuck you,” he roared, shoving Mary’s shoulder. You could see Mary take a deep, slow breath to collect himself. This guy was testing his damn patience. And you’d never seen Mary handle a situation like this before. But what you did know, was he was fiercely protective of the people he lo- well, people he cared for... You weren’t sure what was about to happen, but you just wanted these pricks to fuck off. 

“Watch your mouth, man,” he warned, his fists curling up at his sides until his knuckles turned white. Corbin and his buddy were still laughing.  

“Hey, hey darlin’... blink twice if you wanna ditch this fag and come hang out with some real fuckin’ men,” Corbin snorted, shoving Mary’s shoulder again. “A girl like you deserves a real dickin’ down!” 

You didn’t hesitate, hocking back a decent glob of spit and launching it in his direction. The laughter ceased immediately as it smacked him on his cheek with a wet splat, dripping into his beard as he jolted in surprise. He wiped it with his hand, flicking it to the floor and while his gaze darkened on you.  

“You little fuckin’ cunt,” he sneered, stepping towards you threateningly as if he were going to grab you but Mary got in the way without hesitation, shoving him and landing a solid punch to Corbin’s cheek with a sickening crack that had everyone within radius turning to look at the commotion.  

Within seconds Corbin retaliated, grabbing Mary’s shirt with two fists and headbutting him, shoving him back against you and in turn, the bar. Bottles knocked to the floor, smashing as Mary took a punch to the nose before getting his footing and throwing one back.  

It all happened too quickly, a brawl breaking out so fast as you got shoved to the side and landed on shards of glass cutting into your palm. You ignored the pain and the wet feeling on your hands in favour of trying to grab the collar of Corbin to drag him off, but his black-haired friend grabbed you instead, pulling your arms behind your back and holding you against him as you watched Mary trying to overpower this solid piece of shit.  

“Mary!” you shrieked at him, turning to the asshole holding you back. “Get the fuck off me, you fucking inbred bastard!” 

From the crowd, Forrest appeared next to you and dove into the fray, grabbing Corbin’s collar like you had failed to and dragging him backwards to the floor, straddling him and landing a punch or two himself to his gut. Mary leaned over the bar, catching his breath while two men in black polos and cargos charged in, one pulling Forrest from Corbin, the other pulling him up and restraining him with his arms behind his back.  

Forrest immediately backed down, holding his hands up in the air while the bouncer who’d intervened let him go, focussing his attention on the asshole still trying to claw his way to Mary. In a last ditch attempt, you kicked your heel between your captor’s legs and tucked it behind his ankle, pulling it until he fell to the floor and freed you. You ran to Mary without hesitation, pulling him to stand upright and holding his head in your bleeding hands to inspect the damage. You couldn’t tell if all this blood was yours or his. 

“You gotta keep that bitch on a fucking leash, Goore!” Corbin screamed, still struggling against the bouncer to get a few more swings in. Mary lurched towards him, but you grabbed his shirt, pulling him back to you.  

“You’re done, man!” the bouncer yelled at him, starting to drag him through the crowd of onlookers than had gathered. Corbin’s face projected a vile expression of pure hatred, smeared in blood that matted his hair and beard. 

“I’m nowhere fucking near done, you watch,” he threatened, “you’re an easy guy to track down, Goore! I’ll fuckin’ find you!” 

Mary glared at him as the bouncers dragged Corbin and his friend out of the club, kicking them to the curb. You diverted his attention back to you, gently pulling on his jawline and cupping his face to take a good look at him and remind him that you were right here and you were okay, in the hope it might dissipate the fury in him.  

Forrest stepped up to Mary, concern creasing his brow. He’d managed to avoid injury, no fresh blood on him anywhere but his knuckles. 

“You good, man? I can’t tell what’s fake and what’s real...” He waved his finger at Mary’s face. Mary smeared the back of his hand against his bust lip, scoffing at the sight of real blood on his hand. “Corbin’s a dick, you know he’s always lookin’ for trouble, man,” Forrest scolded, “You can’t rise to it!” 

“He needs to learn not to run his fuckin’ mouth,” Mary growled.  

“Hey, enough, tough guy...” you told him, lightly smacking his chest. “C’mon, let’s get you patched up.” You took his hand in yours, weaving your fingers in his despite the blood and pulling him through the crowd towards the door you’d come through earlier that lead to the green room backstage.  

The heavy music of the club quietened to a dull roar behind you as the backstage door shut, and you lead Mary down the hall to the dressing room. He was silent, stewing in his head over the things Corbin had said to him, mulling over his anger. When you got him inside, you locked the door behind you, wanting a moment of quiet to patch him up. You let go of his hand and grabbed his make-up kit that you’d chucked on the couch, heading over to the sink you’d pressed him against earlier to wash your own cut up hands and dampen some cotton pads from his bag.  

He lingered by the door, awkwardly stood in silence while you filled the sink. You hadn’t said a word to him, and frankly, Mary was terrified he’d gone too far, that you were pissed at him – or worse, disappointed. He never wanted you to see him like that, he wanted to be better, but he’d stooped to the level of a mindless thug because he couldn’t control how he reacted when it came to you. He’d have let it slide at the comments about him, but the second Corbin spoke down to you? He may as well have waved a red flag to a bull. 

“Come here,” you told him softly, holding your hand out to him. Without a word he did as he was told, standing next to you by the sink while you ran the cotton pads under the warm water. Lightly, you began to dab at a wound by his eyebrow.  

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled quietly. “Didn’t wanna fly off the handle like that.” You smiled as you dabbed at his face, replacing the bloodied pad for another fresh one.  

“Always rushing to save me,” you cooed, “my hero.” Mary chuckled at that, because of course he rushed in to save you – as if he ever wouldn’t... 

“You’re okay though, right?” he asked, tilting your chin you guide your eyes to his for a moment. He was so gentle, searching with genuine concern. You just smiled at him and nodded. “Did you at least enjoy the show?” he asked, changing the subject now he knew you were okay, and figured you weren’t mad at him. If you were, he’d know it by now.  

“I think you know that I did,” you joked, coyly. “You were incredible up there.” 

Mary smirked down at you, battling between his sense of relief that you hadn’t despised the heavy music and his smugness at the blush that was no longer hidden in the dim lights of the club. Frankly though, you had started this. You turned him on before he went on stage, and where else was he supposed to channel that energy?  

“Oh yeah? What did you like about it?” He feigned innocence, letting the smugness win. Of course he did, this was Mary after all... You thought for a moment, avoiding his watching eyes and continuing to dab at the blood that had dribbled down his face and collected around his nose and lip.  

“Well, y’know... Just the control you had of the crowd, like they were eating out of the palm of your hand for most of it.” 

“Hmm,” he hummed in thought, “You do like it when I take control, huh?” This fucking guy. The blush on your cheeks returned hotter than ever, radiating across your face.  

“Shut up, I’m cleaning you up,” you told him, desperately trying to hide the smile fighting to curl your lips.  

“What for? Thought the blood turned you on...”  

Only Mary could go from being involved in a bar fight that left him covered in blood with contusions on his face, to doing his very best to rile you up. But perhaps you were just the right amount of fucked up for him, because it was working.  

Your arms sagged to your sides and you finally made eye contact with Mary. He was staring down at you intensely, waiting in silence with that conceited little twinkle in his eye that was already starting to turn a shade of purple under the smeared remains of his make up. He leaned against the sink again, parting his knees and pulling you towards him by grabbing the belt loops on your skirt and tugging gently. You followed him too easily for your liking, only needing the gentlest of coaxing.  

“I thought... you were morbid,” he tormented, just like he had from the stage. Your chest seemed to flutter, heart stumbling over its own rhythm just as the words in your brain you thought you might use to respond did. But you were rendered speechless, hypnotised even.  

Even partially cleaned up, Mary looked rough. What you couldn’t understand, is why it seemed to excite you the way it did. Was it knowing that he’d suffered his injuries while fighting for you? Was it the thought that he’d fought a guy twice his size just to defend you? Or did the split lip and bruising just give him an even more menacing look that flooded your body with uncontrolled heat? 

You found yourself leaning into him, hesitating as your lips barely brushed his when you remembered they were injured, and a kiss would surely hurt him – especially the kind you were looking for.  

He raised his hand to pinch your bottom lip again, just as he had earlier, inspecting the colour of them once again. 

“That really is a pretty shade, doll...” His voice rumbled in his chest; you felt it, now that you were so close to him.  

“Blood red,” you whispered, slightly garbled thanks to his grip on your lip. He grinned at that, the most beautifully sadistic little grin, before he let go and pushed his battered lips against yours in a deliberate and heated kiss.  

He grunted on impact, pain shooting through his lip but it only spurred him on. Mary was no stranger to mixing pain with pleasure and for you he’d take it all. He didn’t hold back and didn’t expect you to either, your lips clashing together as you found a rhythm. Your hands – now barely bleeding, but still tender – planted themselves on his chest when he pulled you closer by your belt loops again, having you lean so far into him your hips crashed into his.  

His hands held you in place like that as he forced his tongue past your lips, lapping at yours almost grotesquely. It had been a while since you’d seen Mary’s feral side, but here he was under the dressing room’s harsh luminescent lights trying to devour you as if you were his last meal on death row. Your hands grabbed at his chest, nails scratched at him to try and grip onto him but falling short thanks to the barrier of his shirt.  

Hands grabbed at everything they could, both of you seeking the other out and feeling as if close just wasn’t close enough no matter how harshly you pressed against each other. You could feel his jeans growing solid, taught under you and just the mere thought of him hardening at this alone had you pressing your thighs together and pushing your hips into his as much as possible.  

Mary pulled his lips from yours just for a moment, pressing his forehead to yours as he groaned at the intoxicating mix of the pain that pulsed through them and the pleasure that pulsed through his growing erection. 

“Now’s your chance, doll,” he panted. You looked him in the eye, glaring intensely back and forth at one another. “Show me how pretty it looks, hm?” 

It took you a second, but then the penny dropped...  

“I seem to remember you wanted to see how pretty this shade looked smothered all over my cock, hm?” 

When that penny dropped, so did you, immediately falling to your knees between his feet and reaching for the studded belt that held his jeans up. He watched through hooded eyes, gripping the sink behind him to lean his body weight on it while you undid his jeans and pulled them down just enough to expose the trimmed hair that tapered from his stomach down past that delicious ‘v’ line of his hips.  

You reached past the hem of his boxers and fished your prize from its confines, laying heavy and thick in your palm. It was almost shameful, the way your mouth watered at just the sight of him, the feel of him in your hand but there wasn’t even the tiniest part of you that cared. 

You looked up at him through your lashes, gently stroking his length and taking in the view from below him. The lust in his eyes had your body setting itself alight from the inside out. He looked dangerous, waiting for you to do as he wanted. He had full control of you with just his stare and without a single word... What he wanted was very clear, and you were more than happy to oblige knowing that obedience would earn you a reward.  

Truthfully though, you wanted to do this for him just as much as he wanted it. Even when he was on stage, all you could think of was bending to his will, doing whatever the hell he wanted you to in order to derive his pleasure from him. You wanted him to take control of you, to channel that same darkness you saw in his eyes as he played and growled into the mic and use it on you.  

And so, as you stared up at him through those pretty lashes of yours, you opened your mouth and lay your tongue flat on your bottom lip, never breaking eye contact as you leaned in and lay the reddened tip of his cock on it. It was your turn to put on a show for him now, to prove yourself worthy of reward and worship him like you were kneeling at an altar rather than his feet. 

He inhaled sharply, hissing through clenched teeth when your tongue made contact with his head. You kept your eyes on him still, circling your lips around him and relishing in the purr that sounded from above you. How had you failed to do this for him since that very first night in the dive bar? How had you resisted? The way he’d reacted to your mouth last time should have been enough incentive – it certainly was now. 

Frankly, you were appalled by how long it had been since you’d taken him in your mouth like this... You’d more than make up for it now, slowly leaning further into him to take as much of his length into your mouth and throat as possible while still holding your gaze on him.  

The eye contact was driving Mary insane, seeing right through you and knowing you wanted him to watch, to see how good you were being for him. You were freakier than anyone would give you credit for, and only he knew that. Only he got to see it.  

“That’s my girl, huh? Fuck...” he praised, one of his hands letting go of its death grip on the sink and running through your hair as you bobbed slowly. You whimpered a little at the approval, particularly when his fingertips grazed over your scalp, nails scratching and massaging. The pleasure was nothing like what you wanted, what your body craved but you’d take any bit of praise, any kind of encouragement he was willing to give.  

When he wrapped his fingers in your hair, tugging at it gently to encourage your movements you couldn’t stop yourself from gripping his thighs, grounding yourself while he groaned above you. You relaxed your throat, swallowing more of him until your nose nuzzled against his skin and his grip on your hair tightened, holding you there.  

Mary was losing his mind, his head rolling back and eyes squeezing shut when he felt your throat constricting around him. He pulled on your hair to lift your head off him, giving you an opportunity to breathe but all you did was hollow your cheeks and breathe through your nose, using your fist to pump the half of his cock that was now exposed.  

You suckled at the tip for a moment before pulling off him completely, holding eye contact again and stroking him where you knelt. You made sure he was watching you when you began to press deliberate kisses to his shaft, leaving slightly dull lipstick stains against his pale skin. Mary grinned wildly, stroking your hair and allowing you to mark his cock in red stains like you’d promised him.  

“Dirty girl,” he keened, “You’re loving this, aren’t you?” You didn’t answer with words, only nodding as you started leaving open mouthed kisses, tongue laving wetly at the ridges of his cock where veins protruded. “Such a pretty colour...” he chuckled, starting to lose control of his hips as they rolled towards you, chasing the feeling. He so badly wanted to be buried in your mouth again, surrounded by that delicious wet warmth... 

You didn’t tease him for much longer, taking the tip past your lips again and sinking down on his length. The moan he released had arousal pooling between your legs, and your own need was becoming hard to ignore. But you would, knowing that Mary would pay you back for your patience – if not now, when he got you home... 

“So tempting to use this pretty mouth of yours, doll... See how much you can take.” That was an invitation, an open hint to ask for your consent to do just that. The thought of pulling back to give verbal consent was just not sitting right with you – a second of neglect to his now weeping cock was a second too long, and you weren’t about to neglect him at all. Instead, you gripped the hem of his jeans and pulled his hips towards you, indicating you wanted him to use his hips, to move and use you just as he’d said.  

“Oh, you want that, huh?” You nodded, pulling again. “Shit...”  he hissed, pushing himself up from leaning on the sink to stand in front of you, all the while you never let him slip from your mouth.  

With his feet firmly planted to the floor either side of you, he wrapped his hand in your hair again and began to rock his hips; slowly at first, savouring the feeling and watching intently as you sat so prettily for him, obediently taking everything he gave you. But he couldn’t help himself – the sight at his feet completely maddening – and he found himself thrusting a little faster, testing how much you could take. When you didn’t struggle at all, he amped his thrusts up again, grunting and moaning above you. It took all your willpower not to let go of his jeans and dive between your own legs for some friction, some kind of relief from the arousal overtaking your body. 

As if he read your mind, Mary used his free hand to rip yours from his jeans. “Touch yourself,” he ordered, “Until I can feel your fucking moans on my cock.” 

You had no willpower to deny him, immediately diving your hand beneath your skirt and pushing your panties to one side to circle your clit with the juices that had gathered there. You whined in satisfaction, the sound vibrating along Mary’s shaft and spurring him on to bury himself to the hilt in your throat.  

“Don’t hold back, make yourself cum.” And you didn’t, wasting no time building up to pleasure and doing everything you could do get yourself to the edge. It never took long with your own fingers, not when you knew the goal was just to cum as quickly as possible. There was nothing to savour, you were rushing not for yourself but to give Mary exactly what he wanted.  

“You fuckin’ wait, doll... I’ve been too sweet on you, hm?” he warned. Truthfully, the sex recently had taken more of a sensual turn now that feelings were involved but there was still a filthy side to Mary, and he knew you had it too. There was no harm in mixing it up a little here and there... “Wait ‘til I get you home. I’ll have you fucking screaming for me...”  

You believed him. You knew what he was capable of, and you had no problem letting him do whatever he deemed necessary to elicit those screams that you couldn’t create here. But his promise had your hips bucking against your hand, chasing the high that fast approached. Your moans echoed around his head, vibrating down his cock over and over as he used your throat.  

“Come on, doll, cum for me. I’m not letting go ‘til you do,” he groaned, tightening his grip in your hair until your roots burned but all it did was spur you on... You hollowed your cheeks for him, using your tongue to please him as he fucked your throat. Your fingers sped up, furiously circling your clit and pushing you closer and closer to the brink until you snapped... 

Your hips jolted and thrashed where you knelt, the floor harshly bruising your knees. Moans ended up as choked garbles as you came harder than you’d expected for such little build up. The only thing keeping you remotely in place was Mary’s grip on your hair, holding your head for him to continue fucking your throat with reckless abandon now, too turned on to hold off as soon as you fell over the edge of euphoria.  

“That’s it, doll... Fucking hell...” he growled, biting into his already injured lip and trying desperately to hold onto his own control. He waited, watching you as he used your mouth, getting closer and closer until you stopped squirming beneath him.  

“Where?” he panted, desperate now, “where can I finish?” He sounded frantic, panicked. Truthfully he was, because if he didn’t get some kind of answer soon, he’d be unable to hold off, and the thought of ruining his orgasm was too devastating after all the work you’d put in for him... You just pointed at your full mouth and sucked at him harder, earning you a roar of “Fucking SHIT” as he threw is head back one final time and lost all control. 

You took every drop of his spend you could like a champ, holding what you could on your tongue as his hips slowed to a shallow splutter and he whimpered and grunted above you like an animal. He looked ethereal, despite the injuries to his face as he found his pleasure in you. 

You waited patiently as he caught his breath, the last dribbles of his spend finding their way onto your tongue as you lapped at his now over-sensitive head. He leaned back against the sink again to steady himself, looking down at you sat prettily waiting for him like a puppy dog waiting on a treat. Your lipstick had smeared across your face, messed up by your kisses and his borderline brutal motions. And yet, you were the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. 

Even prettier when you opened your mouth for him, and showed him what you’d collected on your tongue.  

“You waitin’ for permission, or something?” he laughed, pinching your chin to tilt your head side to side and inspect you. You just waited in silence, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Lipstick’s ruined, baby. Gonna need a fresh coat...” he bent down until he was eye level with you, “Or maybe a gloss?” 

With a wink, he dipped his finger into your mouth, coating his finger in his cum and spreading it over your lips gently as if it were lip gloss. It sparkled under the lights of the room, matching that playful twinkle in your eye. 

“So pretty...” he complimented, watching as you now closed your mouth and swallowed what was left. Mary watched in awe, almost pissed off that his cock had softened and for now, he was spent. Just that act alone had him wanting to worship you like the goddess you were. But he’d have to wait until he got you home...  

But Mary being the nasty little shit he was, wanted nothing more than to do whatever he could to keep the fire going, to fan the embers and turn you on as much as you did him. And so, he took your hand in his, helping you up off the floor. Then with one hand, he wrapped his fingers around your neck and held you still, moving in to kiss his gloss from your lips. 

You knew from the first night you spent with him he had no problem with the taste of his own release, but as long as he kept finding new and ridiculously sexy ways to show you that, you’d always find it one of the hottest damn kinks of his... You melted into his kiss immediately, adoring the taste of him on your tongue mixed with the fresh blood of his split lip he’d bitten into. Was it a nice flavour? No. But it was the very essence of Mary, and it had you drifting into a world of your own as you made out with him. 

Suddenly, the doorhandle rattled, followed in quick succession by a heavy thump on the door and an “ow!” being yelped through the wood. It sounded like Jed, trying to get in without knowing you’d locked the door when you came in to clean Mary up. He’d tried shoving the door open with his shoulder, only to collide with it instead.  

“Hey, what the fuck?” he yelled through the door. Quickly Mary parted from you, tucking himself back into his jeans and doing them up. He stepped to the side and made his way slowly to the door, giving you enough time to take another cotton pad from his kit and run it under some fresh warm water, wiping away the red smears from your face to look somewhat presentable. Your hair was still wild from Mary’s grip, but you didn’t quite have time to get it back to normal before Mary let Jed into the dressing room, followed by Forrest and Davey on his heels. 

They looked around the room, flitting between the two of you who in your effort to look nonchalant looked more guilty than if they’d caught you mid-blowjob.  

“You fuckin’ animals...” Jed laughed, slapping Mary’s chest as he walked further into the room to gather up their kit. “Glad we got here in time, don’t need your ass print on our shit Mare.” 

They thought they’d caught you before anything happened... Good, you’d let them believe that. 

“You good, man?” Forrest asked, “I know he landed a few punches. You look rough.” 

“Thanks,” Mary scoffed. “Did he look worse at least?” 

“Oh yeah, think you broke his nose. Blood everywhere, looked crooked. Nice,” Davey laughed, “Bouncers shoved him out on the street while I was having a smoke, he was pissed.” 

“Bastard deserved it, has done for a while,” Mary shrugged.  

“We’re gonna load the van and head out, you two alright to get yourselves home?” Forrest asked, picking up some of the kit they’d brought in the dressing room after their set. 

“Yeah we’re good, not over the limit,” Mary turned to you then, “you ready to get outta here, doll?” You just nodded, turning to pack up Mary’s kit and drain the sink of the pink-tinted water.  

It didn’t take long to shift the gear into Forrest’s van with you and Mary helping out. Surprisingly, all the guys gave you a hug as they were leaving, citing it was nice to meet you and hopping into the van – not before Jed got in a jab about ‘going easy on Mary’ despite his new ‘bad boy look’ when you got him home. You just promised him you wouldn’t with a wink, to which he laughed.  

As they drove out of the parking lot, Mary turned back to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him.  

“Shall we?” he asked with a suggestive tone, swaying you in his arms and smirking down at you.  

“We shall...” you sang, leaning up onto your toes to plant your lips to his in a slow and delicious kiss. He hummed against your lips, his hands grabbing at your waist as you introduced your tongue to the mix – but he soon cut you off. 

“Get in that van, right now,” he ordered, earning a giggle from you. You span in his arms and felt a playful smack to your ass as you began to walk towards the passenger side of his van, Mary making his way into the driver’s side. 

The tension in the front seat was thick and heavy, anticipation for the moment he finally got you home building with each passing second. At some point, Mary reached over and placed his hand on your thigh, stroking his thumb over the bare skin and letting it slide inwards. You twisted in your seat, allowing him the room to slide a little higher, just to tease...  

Once out of the city and back on home turf, you threw caution to the wind and leaned over the centre console to kiss at Mary’s neck, nibble at his ear, anything and everything you could do while he drove – very carefully – through the streets he knew like the back of his hand.  

“You want me to total this thing, doll?” he growled. You just giggled, sucking a hickey into his neck.  

Eventually, he pulled into his apartment complex, parking up in his designated spot. As soon as he took his seatbelt off he was shoving you back over to your side and climbing over the console himself, his hands everywhere all at once as his lips engulfed you. You fucking loved riling him up like this...  

“Do you know how tempting it is just to fuck you right here?” he growled as his lips made the descent down your neck.  

“I’d let you,” you laughed, “but I gotta stop by the 7/11...”  

“Huh?” he pulled back from you, confused. “You didn’t fancy mentioning that before I dived over here?” he teased. You giggled again – and of course, had no idea what that did to him, inevitably making the unfolding situation in his jeans worse. 

“What? I’m out of birth control...” you whined. “And as much as I love the idea of you railing me until the sun rises, I really don’t fancy motherhood any time soon. Pharmacy isn’t open this late, so condoms it is. Just for tonight.” You leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to the end of his nose.  

“Fine by me, condoms make me last longer anyway,” he smirked. “I’ll come with.” He started to retreat back to open his door, but you stopped him.  

“No no, it’s fine. It’s just around the corner. I’ll be like five minutes. You take your stuff upstairs, get a little rest – you're gonna need it...” Mary sighed in defeat.  

“Alright fine, you got your phone on you, yeah?” he checked, a little concern on his face.  

“Yeah yeah, I’m good. I’ll see you up there,” you leaned in to press another kiss to his lips, jumping out of the van and heading down the street in the direction of the local convenience store.  

Mary watched you walk away – absolutely nothing to do with the way your ass looked in that skirt, of course – and gave in, knowing there was no arguing with you on this. So instead, he got out and fished his guitar case from the back, along with his backpack of make-up and guitar picks and headed upstairs. He hummed to himself as he climbed the two flights of stairs up to his floor, content and happy despite the bar fight that had broken out.  

Truthfully, Mary couldn’t believe his damn luck. He’d landed a girl like you, worked at the differences and insecurities and whilst it was still a work in progress, you were his. He’d won the biggest battle, let his walls down just enough to let you in so you could take care of the rest together, brick by brick.  

Mary rounded the corner to his apartment, shoving his hand into his pocket for the keys to unlock the front door when he stopped, frozen and staring straight ahead... Something wasn’t right. 

The door to his apartment was slightly ajar, the wooden frame splintered by the lock as if it had been forced open with a crowbar. He couldn’t hear anything, only silence spilling from the crack in the door, but Mary knew better than to go charging in...  

“I’m nowhere fucking near done, you watch!” Corbin’s threat echoed around his head. “You’re an easy guy to track down, Goore! I’ll fuckin’ find you!” 

Corbin had made good on his promise. And for all Mary knew, he was still inside, waiting for him. Waiting for you.  

Quietly, Mary set his things down in the hallway, rifling through his bag for his cell phone, typing a quick message and hitting send before he fished into the hidden pocket inside and pull out a Swiss army knife. Handy little thing to own, when you own a guitar workshop and play in a band. Never know when you might need it to screw something together, or cut or saw something. He’d never needed to use it for self-defence before, and frankly, he felt sick at the thought of it. But he wasn’t going into that apartment without something. 

Slowly, and quietly, Mary stepped towards his front door. His heart pounded in his chest, sweat beginning to form on his brow as fight or flight began to kick in.  

He took a deep breath, flicked the knife attachment out of its hiding place, and slowly pushed open his front door...  

You sifted through the aisles of the 7/11, humming to yourself one of Mary’s songs that you particularly liked from the show tonight. With condoms in hand, as well as some assorted snacks, some beers and a few toiletries, you headed over to the register ready for the sluggish teen employee to ring you up.  

They took their sweet time, and you tried your best not to look impatient. It was late, after all, and this poor kid had the graveyard shift. You wouldn’t wanna be here either, in their shoes. Not that you’d worked a solid day’s work in your life, mind you... 

As the poor kid moved at the pace of a turtle scanning each of your items, your phone buzzed in your purse. Figuring Mary was asking you to pick something up for him, you checked it, only to have your heart jump into your mouth, and your stomach fall out of your ass... 

Don’t come home. Not safe. Call Forrest +1 (618) 107-1423 

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3 | MASTERLIST | TIP JAR PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8

[wrathofrats]

Kinktober day 7: hate sex

Prompts by @kroas-adtam

what you do on your own time’s just fine, my imagination’s much worse

Alpha/omega

Read now or on ao3

Explicit, 4k.

The thing is, alpha isn’t stupid (despite whatever the fuck earth has claimed). Its easy to notice omega staring when he whips his head away like he’s been smacked whenever alpha turns to meet his gaze. The shaky voice seems obvious when omega doesn’t sound like that around water. He just can’t miss it, can’t ignore how his pupils blow wide and he chews on his lip when he watches alpha play.

It’s disgusting quite frankly

WARNINGS AND TAGS: homophobia, homophobic slurs, homophobic stereotypes, heavy degradation, kinda dubcon but both give pretty enthusiastic consent, tiny bit of blood kink, blink and you’ll miss it, alphas using omega to get off, omega is more than ok with this, tiny bit of forcefem?, objectification, calling a hole a pussy, pls head all my warnings if any of this is a problem skip this one LMAO

Alpha and omega were summoned together. A plume of sparks and smoke, in the midst standing two ghouls that primo had never seen in such sizes. They stepped off the altar with little problem, none of the hissing and fighting that had occurred with Nihils ghouls. They were perfect. Dangerous and obedient for the church's new project.

Alpha had taken his orders more seriously than omega. He was a guard, made from fire and lava in the pits and placed at primos side when he didn’t have a guitar in his hands. Even when he did, he was still silent and stoic. Working on learning the chords as if they were gospel in order to please his papa.

Omega was different. Surely took his job seriously but spent his time in the library doing research, or taking care of the siblings minor injuries. He was friendly and approachable, quickly taking a liking to the other three ghouls that were summoned not long after alpha and him.

He took a special interest in alpha. For being summoned together they rarely interacted outside of band purposes, and even then alpha stayed silent, only really speaking when primo prompted him to. When omega tried, he was usually ignored besides maybe a nod of his head or a grunt.

Even the small interactions made omega blush. He never understood why, simply feeling nervous and out of breath when alpha would so much as look at him. Once alpha asked him how much of the song he had memorized and omega could barely respond to him without his voice shaking. It’s all thoughts to push down for another day. Or maybe until they disappear forever. Swallows his sick little urges, the white hot coil of desire whenever he catches a glimpse of those bright orange eyes or sharp teeth.

It's bad for omega they're in such close quarters all the time, he watches Alpha too much for his own good. He's a handsome devil. Maybe it's for his own good that Alpha barely takes off that stupid mask, maybe it's wrong that he wants to coax the fire ghoul into taking it off for him more often. Show him how rugged and handsome he is beneath like letting him in on a secret.

He scolds himself in private for the way his throat went dry when Alpha brushed too close, hates that he wished Alpha just pushed his way into his space and stayed there. Omega tried to do his work despite feeling on edge every time he was near alpha, tried not to stare at how alphas muscles flex while he plays. All in a day's work.

The thing is, alpha isn’t stupid (despite whatever the fuck earth has claimed). Its easy to notice omega staring when he whips his head away like he’s been smacked whenever alpha turns to meet his gaze. The shaky voice seems obvious when omega doesn’t sound like that around water. He just can’t miss it, can’t ignore how his pupils blow wide and he chews on his lip when he watches alpha play.

It’s disgusting, quite frankly.

Omega walks into the practice room late one evening while alpha is playing. He seems to know his schedule, somehow omega is able to be near him even when alpha tries to go to the practice room at times he thinks he will be alone. It gets on his nerves, if omega wanted to be around him so badly he could stop fucking stalking him and speak like a normal ghoul.

Alpha sets his guitar to the side when he hears the doorknob turn. Taking a deep breath before getting up to b line towards omega who looks surprised alphas even acknowledged his presence.

Omegas slammed against the wall before he can process alpha has his hands on him. Wide eyed and trying to cower as alpha growls.

“What the fuck is your problem man?”

“I’m sorry?” Omega squeaks. He’s easily taller than alpha by a decent bit, but between his hands he feels impossibly tiny.

“You’re always staring at me, won’t even fucking talk to me like some freak. You act like you’re a 12 year old girl with a crush!” Alpha looks somewhat desperate for an answer, eyes darting over omegas face who looks a little too guilty for such an accusation.

And he’s not denying it.

“Oh god! You do!” Alpha scoffed, pulling back like he’s been scalded, “you should be disgusted, that shits not normal, what would papa think if he knew you liked another ghoul?”

There’s a horrific feeling in Omega's gut as alpha berates him. Something swoops in his belly as alpha backs up as if he’s too filthy to even breathe the same air as him. Omegas turned on by this. It does nothing to deter him, it really only makes him hard and flustered.

Alpha glances down much to his own amusement. Even if he thinks omegas disgusting he can find some entertainment in the fact that he’s turned on by this.

"Didn't wanna believe you were some fucking degenerate but look at you...you're hard over this aren't you? hells...somethings wrong with you,"

Alpha moves to almost cup the front of omegas pants. His touch is too harsh to be pleasurable, like anything softer would be enabling the degeneracy, but omega is still filling out anyways in alpha palm.

"Not supposed to get hard over other men, freak."

Omega can’t even muster up a good response for him. He could try to deny it but there’s no denying anything when alphas palm is pressed to his cock.

“Should throw you back into the pits, papa would be so disappointed” alpha sneers. Omega is red all the way to the tips of his ears and to his humiliation he arches into the press of alphas hand for more stimulation, even when he’s being berated like this.

“You’re sick. You’ve been wanting this haven’t you?” Alpha scoffs in disbelief.

Omega bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, he can’t stop himself from nodding in agreement. Alpha laughs and takes half of a step back, retracting his touch. Omega lets out a quiet groan and almost asks him to touch him again, that fuck, he needs alpha to touch him.

“I’m not fucked up like you megs. I don’t need another man to touch me”

There’s a snarl to alphas voice as he continues to talk, his lips drawn up in disgust as omega stands there pathetically hard and trying to cover himself up. He almost feels bad, omega looks properly guilty. Even if he deserves to feel that way.

Alpha makes a decision that can really only be blamed on the heat of the room and the fact that he’s burned through most of the siblings that want him. If omegas going to be a desperate freak, alpha may as well get off if he’s willing.

There’s barely any force in alphas touch as he pushes omega to his knees, he goes down mostly willingly and alpha tries not to look disgusted when omega seems excited that he’s pulling his cock out.

“Mouths a mouth, no different from a girl I guess” alpha mumbles under his breath. Omega reaches to help him guide into his mouth before alpha is smacking his hands away with a hiss “you’re just some hole for me to put my dick in, keep your filthy hands to yourself”

Omegas mouth falls wide open when alpha takes himself out fully and gives himself a few good strokes to harden up. He’s bigger than omega expected, he would’ve wanted him at any size but god he hopes alpha doesn’t hear him whimper when he sees how big he is.

“You’re such a bitch” Alpha scowls, rolls his eyes as omega looks euphoric when he pushes between his lips.

Before omega knows it alpha has his head back against the wall. He’s completely pinned with his hips, nowhere to retreat to as he fucks his mouth and uses him to get off.

It’s a quick sequence of events, alpha pulling out to cum on the floor next to him before cumming down his throat would be some dirty admission to wanting it. Omega looks sad when he watches alpha shoot right onto the tile, even if the sight of alpha blissed out above him is something he will replay for weeks.

Alpha doesn’t say much, just tucks himself back into his pants, helps omega up and gives him a “you ok?” Before leaving without another word when omega gives him a nod.

It’s the start of a bad habit.

As much as alpha doesn’t want to admit it to himself, he halfway enjoyed himself even if his brain was screaming at him not to. He would never admit it, never tell omega that. He’s just some willing participant in alpha needing to get off, no different from a sex doll. Or a whatever easy sibling he can find in the alley ways. Right?

He doesn’t want to say it happens often. Or at least too often for alpha to keep claiming is a coincidence. Always just bullies omega into some tight space away from any prying eyes or ears and forces his mouth open for him to stick his dick into. Hell maybe he even goads him into touching himself if he really is feeling mean.

“You fucking gross enough to get off with just a cock in your mouth? Pathetic.”

Alpha tries not to think about the fact that he can.

He tries not to think about when he cums on his face because he didn’t pull out fast enough and omega sticks his tongue out to catch it, tries not to let the image of omega covered in his cum stick in his brain too much.

And for omega? He provokes it. He wants alpha to bully him, wants his cock in his mouth and god he’s too easy to rile up to pass on the opportunity everytime it rears its ugly head. He shouldn’t revel in being so immoral and dirty, but honestly it’s hard not to.

He rubs against him a bit in the chapel, shoulder to shoulder and much closer than he ever has been because alpha can’t do anything about it. Brushes against he hand as they leave with a look behind him that is devilish even through the uniform mask. Longing touches throughout the day that have alpha growling until he gets annoyed enough to confront him in the empty practice room.

“Fucking pervert” alpha sneers, “you’re lucky I don’t just out you to everyone else, tell them what you’ve really been asking from me after practice”

A pang of humiliation runs through omega as it usually does in these scenarios, feeling almost blasphemous about his feelings but can’t help that alpha does all but discourage it.

“Still need my cock down your throat? So pathetic you’re willing to let me use you just so someone will touch you?”

Omega doesn’t answer. He has no excuse for himself. Even if he did he doesn’t care much considering how hard it makes him when alpha speaks to him like this, and alpha knows it.

Just drops to his knees, he knows the routine. But alpha has a different idea.

“Not this time, stand up facing the wall”

Omega gives him a confused look. This can’t be what he thinks it is, can it? He does what he’s told anyways, stands up and places his arms on the wall, looking back at alpha expectantly.

“Wanted a real pussy tonight I think. Might as well see if yours is even good enough for me to get off”

Omegas brain short circuits as alpha quickly pulls his pants down, leaving him exposed while alpha simply pulls his dick just out of his waistband. An extra hint of embarrassment, and an extra reminder of what omegas really there for.

Alpha is rough, barely gives omega time to react to him putting his hands on his waist before he’s finally pushing in. Omega tries to brace himself but he can’t help the needy moan he lets out when alpha bottoms out inside of him.

“Stay fucking silent, I don’t need the reminder that you might actually cum from this”

He can’t, no matter how hard he tries. Sure he’s been fucked before but it doesn’t happen often. Usually it’s him alone in his room with a cheap toy feeling guilty for thinking about alpha, but actually being split on alphas cock in another story. He bites down so hard on his sleeve he’s sure he’s left holes in it while alpha continues to fuck him relentlessly.

The hand on omegas hips burns as alpha holds him flush to himself. He grips his skin like he has no regard for omegas own comfort and omega hates how much he loves it. It’s rough, he’s sure he will feel it for days and honestly an awful part of him hopes alpha burns right through the top layer of skin so his print sticks forever.

Omega doesn’t take much to get close, already dizzy with alpha shoving his pants down so he can use him. He gets a hand on his cock and gives himself a couple strokes before he’s spilling all over his fist and part of the wall.

Alpha ignores omegas whimpers as he fucks him through his orgasm. He pulls out and cums on the floor next to him, as if it makes the situation any less disgusting for him.

“Faggot” alpha growls, buttoning his pants to leave omega panting.

There’s a part of omega that knows he shouldn’t let that get to him, that he should ignore it and call alpha a dick after he pulls up his own pants but he can’t deny how that makes him feel hot, a burning blush creeping up his chest at the word.

His fingers curl around his cock once he gets back to his room, free hand around his throat as he thinks about that deep raspy voice insulting him, degrading him like he’s worthless. It’s pathetic, he know it and he can’t stop, can’t stop letting alpha do whatever he wants to him despite there being that little voice in his head saying it’s wrong. He needs to stop, but the second alpha looks his way the voice gets drowned out with the need to have his cock in him again.

Omegas hand reaches down to prod at his hole. He wiggles three fingers inside. Moaning at how he’s still loose from alphas cock. His mind keeps repeating how alpha called it a pussy, it shouldn’t have his cock leaking onto his stomach, but he can’t help himself.

There has to come a boiling point. Enough quick fucks and blow jobs in secret corners of where they practice that omega gets sick of it. Alpha can degrade him till his heart's content but at the end of the day he’s still coming back to omega, still using him instead of a sibling to get off even if he claims omega isn’t better than some pussy he could find from a cheap prostitute.

It’s a bad routine. Once a week or so alpha just gets pent up and takes it out on omega. Fucking him or shoving his dick down his throat before he inevitably snarls some half thought out insult and tries to cum anywhere but in him.

Alpha walks back to his room late one night after practice alongside omega who keeps his hands shoved into his pockets but won’t stop taking side glances at him. He wants to wipe that stupid innocent look off of his face, he should be disgusted with himself.

He pulls him into the shadow of the side of one of the taller buildings in the abbey. Somewhere they won’t be seen so he can defile him and make him feel filthy and act like it never happened.

Omegas sick of it, sick of alpha acting like he’s better than him even if he’s still the one to initiate every act. Sick of him acting like he’s too good to touch omega even when he comes back time and time again. The tug on his wrist only makes him angry. It’s cold outside, alpha could’ve done this earlier and honestly it’s about time he showed him even the slightest bit of human decency.

He waits until alpha has him in their usual position. Tucked away with his back pressed against the wall and a small prayer that one will find them this time. Even if it’s cold and dirty outside omega does complain, alpha would just say he didn’t deserve any better for being such a pervert.

“If you want this so bad then you won’t complain”

Omega doesn’t fall to his knees like he usually does. He barely even lets himself be pressed against the harsh brick of the wall behind him.

“Thought you wanted a cock in you fag, you know how this goes” alpha rolls his eyes, attempting to bracket omgea in just to get the extra step up on him.

“Seem to really want me on my knees” omega taunts. He tries not to smile and egg him on but the way alpha nearly chokes has him feeling almost giddy with the small amount of power.

“I could find a better mouth to fuck from any one of the siblings, don’t think I don’t just use you because you’re easy”

“Easy? You’re the one who needs to use me because you can’t get anyone else. Was starting to think you actually like it”

Alpha fumes, shoves omega against the wall so hard he’s honestly surprised he doesn’t actually injure him. He pins him there by his neck, almost hoping to scratch his skin against the rough brick. Wants to leave some kind of mark to remind him of practically being alphas toy. His hand pins omega to the brick by his throat, giving him a low snarl and a flash of his teeth.

“You’re barely good enough to touch, let alone fuck. Should be groveling at my feet to let me fuck you, I’m basically doing you a favor by letting you indulge in your sick fantasies”

The confident facade is hard to keep up as the blood rushes from omegas head down south as he tries not to scramble to be able to breathe. He fucking likes alphas hand around his throat like this, knows he’s hard and can only pray alpha can’t feel it rub against his thigh.

“Don’t know why I’d let such a disgusting fag anywhere meat me, knew you’d get attached like some stray dog” alpha lets go of his throat, hand shooting away from omegas skin like he’s too filthy to touch.

“Fitting you’d think of me as some bitch since you fuck me like one. Might as well just call me yours since you act like I’m just your whore to use.”

Alpha swings. Can’t help himself. His fist connects with omega square in the mouth sending omega back into the wall behind him.

Omega gives him a cruel smile with blood in his teeth wiping away the small dribble that ran down his chin.

“Because you like it. Admit it alpha, you’re no better than me”

Alpha feels cornered as omega walks towards him, he’s not like him, not a weird freak, nothing like the filthy thing that omega is.

“I know you get hard just thinking about me, know you love using my mouth otherwise you wouldn’t come back. Admit how much you love using my pussy” omega corrals him into the corners looking him up and down like he’s stalking him. Alphas red in the face, breathing heavy from anger. He spits as a last ditch attempt to get omega away from him. His words bore deep into his brain, echos through his head about how much he enjoys fucking omega even if he insists he doesn’t.

“Come on, tell me how much you want it. Sure you’re getting hard already aren’t you?”

Alpha doesn’t move, doesn’t tell omega to fuck off, doesn’t say no. Just stares at him with a grimace like he’s willing to take whatever omegas going to give him.

“You could leave at anytime, tells us something doesn’t it?” Omega taunts. Alpha crosses his arms in front of him, eyes lowering at omegas form trying to see what his angle is. The blood shines on omegas teeth in the moonlight, adding a malicious glint to his stature.

“Thought I could give you a taste of your own medicine, if you’re apparent so much better than me you won’t even like it, won’t do anything to you to have my cock in your ass”

“Absolutely not”

“Why? Think you’ll like it just as much as I will?”

Alpha grimaces at omega admitting out loud that he enjoys this, wants him. Sometimes twists in his stomach that he truly can’t make out as dread or arousal. The idea of getting off has him still glued in his place, even if omega was a degenerate, alpha still got something out this whole ordeal that he was willing to put up with in order to get his dick wet.

“Fucking- just do it already” alpha finally relents. He looks away from omega and presses himself to the wall, staring at the gravel beneath him. He takes a deep breath, waiting for omegas hands to be on him.

“Oh absolutely not, you gotta tell me you want it” omega growls low in his ear. Alpha can smell the blood on his breath, can picture the way his mouth looks covered in crimson right by his neck.

“I want it” alpha grits. “Just do it already before I change my mind”

Omega smiles and places a hand in his hip, giving him another second to decide to run or not. Alpha stays in place, and if omega didn’t know him like he did he could’ve swore he was leaning into the touch.

He partially wants to go fast, wants to treat alpha like he treated him, but a horrible part of omega wants to savor it, go slow and make him actually enjoy it.

The wall is rough and tears at alphas callused hands as he tries to almost grip it for leverage. Omega tugs at his waistband, shoving his pants down in the back of the alleyway, only adding to the shame and embarrassment he knows he’s feeling. He reaches around to the front to of him to finally grab at his cock that is rapidly fattening in his hand.

“Already enjoying this? Thought it would take more than that” omega chuckles.

A hand slowly runs over his thigh, feeling him up like he has all the time in the world. One hand stroking him lazily just to really get alpha hard, the other groping at his ass. Alpha lets out a breathy curse when omega runs his thumb over the head of his cock, milking a drop of precum from the tip.

“Can you do something already?” Alpha mutters. One arm is thrown over his eyes as he leans on it against the wall, hips pushing back into omega as he continues to stroke his thigh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you, promise I’ll make you feel good”

Alpha tries not to let omegas soft tone go to his head. The soft and slow nature of his touching and breathy small praises has his head spinning. It’s as slow as possible, much to the detriment of alpha who hoped he would go too fast for him to enjoy himself.

Omega spreads him open, thumbing at his hole before spitting into his hand as a mock form of lube. Alpha looks behind him and almost collapses further into the wall when he sees the saliva and blood from his mouth mixing on his fingers.

[demvalhaken]

Hiiiiiii!!! Here’s some art!!!

This is Lizard, she’s a Western Hornet, don’t ask why she’s named after a lizard cus I literally don’t know

This is Björn, they’re very silly as they’re a Northwestern Hornet. I don’t know what gender to make them so they’re just they/them for now

The queen of the Southern Hornets herself, Sykra, she’s not named after anything I just came up with that name. I decided to put metal bands in her hair cus it looks cool and she’s cool. She’s actually really nice for a queen, like Snow, but Snow is a Wasp… and also on the entire other half of the world as in the Eastern hemisphere of Catecis

This is Queen Luna, she’s the only one not smiling… yeah… it’s because of her lore… I don’t know what to do with her yet but she’s a really inexperienced queen

This is a really random lineup of ocs, they don’t have anything to do with each other like at all

Also if you didn’t know, I fixed their ocelli to be in upside down triangle position because that’s anatomically correct for insects

To be honest, this was for more design purposes, as I needed to redesign (Lizard and Luna)/have a concept to go off of on (Björn and Sykra)

I’ve come to love hornets, despite all looking different and being from different regions, they still all bleed the same. Wasp blood is blueish green while Hornet blood is more of a bright green or yellow, might change it later though. Wasps were before Hornets and Bees, and then Hornets and Bees evolved from Wasp ancestry. That’s also why most of them have sharper jaws because Wasps have sharp faces even to this day

I forgot to put this in my last post but this is concept art for General Whiteclaw, leader of the Waspian Sea Forces. There’s no colours on this but imagine the colours of an Executioner Wasp on her. The reason why Wasp eyes have different irises/pupils from everyone else is because it just makes them more insect-like and I think it looks cool.

Also look at that jaw, It’s giving Hornet.

Guys is it weird that everyone I’m friends with IRL is ghosting me, not my bestie pookie bbg Purpsie though who’s my online friend. Like, huh, they don’t even look at me no more. Mmm I love my depression that I’ve had for years cus everything happening to me IRL just fucking sucks. My mother literally won’t let me get short hair cus she wants me to have long hair, like bitch what, it ain’t yo scalp, so you shouldn’t care. I wish my parents weren’t literally homophobic and transphobic, cus if they were actually really nice and let me have my own goddamn privacy, I’d actually want to be around them. I don’t give a shit if “you’ve seen it all before,” it’s still wrong to invade MY PRIVACY WHEN IM SHOWERING OR USING THE BATHROOM, I THINK I’D LIKE TO KEEP MY BODY TO MY OWN EYES MOTHER AND OLDER SISTER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. They don’t even do this with my older brother bro, why does he get privacy, and not me? Just another thing to add to my list of things that make me really really not well! Also my mother touches me a lot… so… yay… I guess… please end my suffering… my mother would totally kill me if she found out I was trans and liked women, oooo spooky, trans men, so scary (Sarcasm)

Anyways, I love you guys!!! Remember to be a menace to society, just don’t eat churches cus the wood is so scrumptious like you’re a termite!!! If you have any questions, you know what to do

[lonesome-witching]

It's Just a Kiss

Sorry for the long wait but here is another prompt for you. This one was sent in anonymously, so thank you. I hope this sort of fit with what you had in mind when you said Nancy giving Robin her first kiss. At least I tried my best.

You can read previous prompt right here on ao3. Or you can send in a prompt of your own.

“What was your first kiss like?” 

The question had tumbled out before Nancy could think better of it. She had just gotten caught up in the conversation, the one where Robin kept making fun of Nancy for dating Steve, and she needed to retaliate. 

But it had been a stupid question. The second the words escaped her lips Nancy knew it was a stupid question. Because if Robin had had her first kiss then it wouldn’t have been a good one. It would have been with Tommy B or Mark Lewinsky during a game of spin the bottle. Or it would have been with Milton Bledsoe out of peer pressure from her friends from band. Or it would have been with Dash Montague when he came on to her, Nancy’s blood had boiled when Robin told her about that. But either way, Robin wouldn’t have liked it. Because Robin didn’t like boys. 

She had told Nancy a few weeks ago. It hadn’t really changed anything between them. They still hung out every Friday night after Robin’s shift, they still sat next to each other at the movie nights the kids forced them into, Nancy still went over to Family Video to hang out with her and Steve. Except it had changed everything. 

Because suddenly, Nancy looked at things differently. She started noticing the graffiti around the town, the vile words that painted Hawkins a special shade of homophobic. She started noticing the whispered remarks between girls and the shouted jokes between boys. And she hated all of it. She hated it even more when she noticed Robin noticing the comments, the way she would fold into herself as if she was trying to hide. 

Which is exactly why she hated herself for asking that stupid question. 

“I– uhm. I haven’t really had my first kiss yet.” Robin looked at her own lap, twisting her fingers around each other. 

It might have been the best answer Nancy could have gotten. But it still rubbed her the wrong way. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” 

“No, it’s alright. It’s a normal question. I mean, it’s not that I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone. It’s just that no one really wanted to kiss me.” 

“No one?” Nancy probably shouldn’t have sounded as surprised as she did. 

“I mean, the people who did want to kiss me weren’t exactly my type.” 

“Does it bother you? That you haven’t had a first kiss yet?” It bothered Nancy. Maybe she should have just changed the subject. 

“A little. It’s not that big of a deal, I guess I hoped to get some experience in college but now that I’m not going–”

“Yet,” Nancy interrupted quickly. 

“Now that I’m not going yet, it does bother me a bit more. But it’s okay. It’s not like there is anything I can do about it.” 

“Do you want to kiss me?” It slipped out, just like the earlier question had. Somehow Nancy had lost control of her own mouth. 

Robin’s eyes widened in shock. “No– I mean, you are pretty– It’s– I– I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything. You’re my friend, I don’t want to ruin that.” 

“It would just be a kiss. It doesn’t have to ruin anything and at least then you won’t have to wait until you leave for college, whenever that will be.” 

“I– Uhm– I don’t know– What do you want me to say?” Robin finally looked up, as if she was hoping to see the perfect answer painted on Nancy’s face. Maybe it was, Nancy wasn’t sure. 

“Just the truth, do you want to have your first kiss?” 

“Yes, I do.” 

“Would you be okay with me being your first kiss?” 

“I don’t want to make–” 

Nancy pushed her finger against Robin’s lips. “That’s not what I asked.” 

“Yes.” Robin’s lips pressed against Nancy’s finger as she spoke. 

“Can I kiss you, Robin?” 

Robin made a soft noise as her eyes dropped to Nancy’s lips. “I might be a shit kisser. I have never done it before.” 

“That’s the whole point, that you’ve never done it before. And really, kissing isn’t all that hard, just follow my lead.” Nancy leaned in slowly, giving Robin the time to refuse, to ask for her to stop, to push her away. But Robin didn’t. She just sat frozen on Nancy’s bed, her eyes still glued to Nancy’s lips. “Close your eyes,” Nance whispered softly. 

She obeyed her own words as she pressed her lips against Robin’s. It felt… nice. Robin’s lips were soft and vaguely tasted of chocolate and sugar. Nancy started moving her lips. Slowly at first, allowing Robin to get used to it. But Robin’s lips mimicked the movements perfectly and Nancy couldn’t help but feel a soft tingling feeling in her lips. Her right hand grabbed at Robin’s shoulder, needing to hold onto something. 

It probably wasn’t supposed to feel like this, like she was drowning. Her mind was filled with a new type of fog and her body buzzed with some foreign feeling. 

She needed to pull away. 

But then Robin accidentally bit into Nancy’s bottom lip and Nancy softly whined. The hand on Robin’s shoulder slipped up into Robin’s hair, pulling her closer. She needed more. She needed to lick into Robin’s mouth, needed to push her hands under Robin’s shirt, needed to hear Robin moan her name. 

Nancy pulled away quickly, nearly tumbling off the bed. It was supposed to just be a kiss. It wasn’t supposed to leave her breathless and wanting. 

Robin’s eyes were still closed, a soft smile on her lips. She dropped down on Nancy’s pillow without opening her eyes. 

“So… What was your first kiss like?” Nancy asked, her eyes stuck on Robin’s kiss swollen lips. She really wanted to lean back in. 

Robin opened her eyes. “It was great. You are a wonderful kisser, Nance. I hope I wasn’t too bad.” 

“No, you were– You’re a natural, Robin.” Nancy dropped down next to Robin, watching as Robin’s eyes sparkled, hoping that she’d get to do it again.

[takashimakato]

Remember how we started?

Mclennon Fanfic

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: This is rewriting how john and paul met instead of meeting at the garden party they meet at a bus stop in the rain.

Words: 1303, it took me two- three days to write this.

Summary: John and Paul meet for the first time ever at a bus stop and end up hitting it so well they make a band with john's roommate Stuart Sutcliffe.

==============================

It Started like one of those romance movies, but instead of a man and a woman in the rain it was two young men who looked like they had just started college, one of these boys is John Lennon who was previously in a small band called the quarrymen in high school, and Paul McCartney some pretty brown-eyed bassist boy who played by himself half of the time, he was more shy when it came to asking about musical interest than John so when they finally met it was a glimpse at something new.

Paul was standing at the bus stop with an umbrella in hand waiting for the bus so he could go home and study, suddenly a young boy with bright brown hair, dark brown eyes, and glasses stood next to him which caused him to look at the man, he was much shorter than him well only by a few inches he also seemed very upbeat with a bit of creativity in his aura, he must’ve come from that art school a few miles away from Paul's school well that’s the vibe he’s getting from him.

John was able to feel Paul staring at him which made him look over and smile

“Something catch your eye stranger, you staring at me an awful lot?”

he said teasing Paul for staring, this harmless jab made the boy’s cheek grow red “I-I’m sorry I was just trying to look at my surroundings that’s all, I mean no harm!” he responded sounding a bit more scared than amused, john caught up on this and instantly apologized “I was teasing, I do that sometimes, I’m sorry if I spooked you”

He just got quiet when the pretty but introverted boy didn’t say anything, this made him try starting the conversation over again the correct way this time instead of making a fool of himself “So what’s your name?” he commented raising his eyebrow giving Paul a quizzical expression

“I’m Paul, what’s yours?” he responded, giving John the same quizzical look he was giving him, “I’m John,” the boy said causing Paul’s cheeks to go red, His name was John and he was an art school boy.. That was everything he’d ever dreamed of.

“Where are you headed John?” he asked before john got closer getting under his umbrella “to my dorm, you could come if you want or do you have somewhere you need to be Paul?” when john said that.. Paul thought about it, he had to study but he could study at john’s place.. So he shook his head and said “no i don’t have anywhere to be. I can go with you, but let me phone my dad when we get there so he knows..” this made john nod and get even closer to Paul putting his arm around Paul's shoulder

That was when the bus came, it stopped right in front of them.., john got on first and waited for pal to follow, once Paul got on the bus he motioned for the pretty boy to sit right next to him and for the duration of the ride they were talking and getting to know each other.

Paul told him a bunch on that bus ride but john didn’t tell him much, all he mentioned was his mom’s passing, how is dad was just somewhere along with  that he was living with his Aunt Mimi and uncle john before getting into his art school.

This made Paul fall in love with him even more than he did before, he was an art boy.. He had daddy issues, mommy issues and lived with his aunt, Paul had dreams about those kind of boy’s.

John thought Paul was cool, dealing with a homophobic father without crying or running away.. John thought that was strong.. He liked strong women.. And strong men too.., Paul was a unique and john loved that uniqueness.

After a few more minutes they made it to john’s school, the pair got up and walked out of the bus door, Paul opened his umbrella walking with john to his dorm, all the kids passing by waved at john, Paul never saw him as the popular type but expect the unexpected.

When they stopped in front of john’s door, he knocked on it in a rhythm.. The person in the room opened the door, it was a cooler more teddy boyish guy “Paul i want you to meet my awesome roommate Stuart, Stuart this dame is Paul” john said which caused Stuart to smirk “how cute, stop bringing this girls into the dorm even if they have male parts john” Stuart said before john rolled his eyes and walked right past him.

Paul did look very feminine but he didn’t act feminine, he didn’t really get the joke but he just smiled and sat next to john “you’re a very funny” Paul said his eyes on Stuart, but Stuart on the other hand just smiled and sat back on his bed.

John went into his cabinet pulling out some ciggies passing one to Stuart and then to Paul “i really shouldn’t”  Paul says but john doesn’t care and just put’s one on his lap “oh did you call your dad?” when john said this.. Paul’s eyes widen and grabbed the rooms phone dialing his number “McCartney resident..” his father Jim said answering the phone.

“Dad, I’m with some friends.. I’ll be home later, if not tomorrow” Paul said Jim just made the mhm sound with his mouth and hung up.

John looks at him with a smile “now your stuck with me.. Did you hear it Stuart the dame is stuck with us” Stuart just shrugs and goes back to doing his thing smoking the ciggie, Paul looked at the ciggie in his lap.

“Do you like music John?”  Paul asked his eyes on the ciggie “i like buddy holly, you wanna listen to him?” john put’s his arm around Paul's shoulders,  Paul nods in response this made john get up and walk to the record crate he and Stuart had putting the buddy holly record on the phonograph.

The music blast into the room as they smoke ciggies and talk about trending topics, before john mentioned something about wanting to make a band, Paul mentioned how he knew how to play a bunch of instruments, along with Stuart mentioning his string of musical talent.

==============================

This is my first time writing a non horror or based on art piece fanfiction, this was a challenge for me and I hope you can understand that while reading it.

[kittensyoonie]

Txt X Male Reader

Beomgyus home life is getting progressively worse. After one horrible episode, Beomgyu asks you to run away with him.

Choi Beomgyu X Male Reader (no agab mentioned)

Requested: pffft… no-

Warnings: angst, abuse, homophobia, homophobic slur words used! (and not used lightly), violence, depression, coming out, getting together, ambiguous ending, mentions of parent death, please don’t take these warnings lightly, tbh I’d say the violence and abuse is graphic :/, not a lot but yk I use details and that in itself qualifies to me, be careful reading this!!

Beomgyus home life declined rapidly after his mother passed away. His father took his anger and pain out on him, and never stopped.

His mother had the most beautiful voice and encouraged Beomgyu to do music, something he fell in love with as a child. But since her death, his father hated music, even more when Beomgyu had something to do with it.

While he mourned his mothers passing, a new student showed up at school. Unexpectedly, Beomgyu started leaning on him. A new person to help him through everything that wasn’t his own group of friends. Don’t get him wrong, he loved them, but there are some things that’s he couldn’t confide in them with. That boys name was y/n.

Y/n supported his love for music and continuing with it, helping him sneak around with his friends and band to play. He was there for every performance and did his best to go with him during practices.

It really didn’t take long for Beomgyu to fall for y/n. The one problem was, if there was anything Beomgyus dad hated more than music, or his son himself, it was gay people. He despised gay people.

Beomgyu knew if there was anything that would cause his dad to kick him out or worse, it would be that. And there was no chance he was risking it. So he kept his feelings to himself, basking in what he could. Being around y/n was enough for him, at least at the time.

He kept a diary of everything though, his music, missing his mom, his dads abuse, and his love for his classmate who just so happened to also be a boy. It was locked, and kept under his mattress, the one place his father never went through.

Until one night, Beomgyu snuck out to play with his band.

It wasn’t late at all, and he told his dad he was just studying at Soobins house. But somehow, someone told Beomgyus dad what he had been up to. So while he was gone, his dad trashed his room, digging through everything and breaking anything in his room that had anything to do with music.

When he snuck back into his window, he felt something was off. When he stepped on the ground, he stepped on a broken cd. His heart stopped, and after adjusting to the dark, he noticed his room was trashed.

He sat down on his bed and looked around in horror and heartbreak. Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized what his father had done. In fear, he checked under his mattress for his diary, his heart stopping once he realized it was gone.

In that moment, the door opened and the light was turned on. His father was standing in the doorway, a look of pure anger and hatred on his face as he gripped his broken but opened diary.

Y/n was laying in bed scrolling on tiktok when he got a text from Beomgyu just saying ‘I’m sorry’. His body ran cold, he had a feeling something was seriously wrong.

Y/n quickly grabbed a jacket and shoes, he had on a simple shirt and sweats, so he didn’t bother changing. He rushed to his car and drove off to Beomgyus house, gripping the steering wheel.

He was madly in love with him. With his voice, his smile, his playfulness. Before he realized it, Beomgyu became his whole world. Dramatic yeah, but it was true. He was his happiness and life line. And never gave up on Beomgyu. Seeing that text, it scared him. They had a good day, Beomgyu had a good day. He knew his dad was abusive, he’d taken care of Beomgyu physically and mentally after his dads episodes. This however, was different. He knew.

“… and I know I didn’t raise a fucking fag!!! You’re a disgrace, disgusting. I cannot believe something like you could be in my household!!!” Y/n could hear Beomgyus father yell as he pulled up, there were also sounds of things being thrown around and he could swear he heard him hit his own son too.

Y/n popped his jaw in anger and picked up his phone, texting Beomgyu as fast as he could. ‘I’m outside’. It didn’t take long for him to be left on read. He didn’t get out of his car, he wanted to drive away immediately, and based off what he heard being yelled, he knew actually showing himself would make it worse.

“To go behind my back and continue with music when I specifically told you not to is one thing, I’m pissed at you for that! But THIS?! Hey— what the hell do you think you’re doing? You better not be waking away from me!” — “GET OFF OF ME!! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME, DO NOT TOUCH ME!!”

Y/n startled when he heard Beomgyu scream back at his dad. It was so loud his voice was breaking and scratching. He could hear more crashing before the window opened again, Beomgyu climbing out with a duffle bag and his backpack.

He ran over to y/ns car, a busted lip, black eye, and tears streaming down his face. He barely got the car door closed before y/n drove off, not allowing his father to catch up.

“Gyu? Are you with me?” Y/n asked, reaching over to place his hand on Beomgyus thigh.

He didn’t get a response, and when he worriedly looked over he saw him staring out the window silently crying. He frowned hard and kept driving, keeping his hand on Beomgyus thigh, softly rubbing circles on it.

“They’re asleep, they won’t wake up to us moving around. You’ll be alright.” Y/n explained as he parked his car at his apartment.

Beomgyu just nodded and got out of the car, grabbing his stuff. Y/ns heart broke, getting out as well and going to him. He grabbed the duffel bag for him and took his keys out, bringing him inside. He grabbed his hand and brought him to his bedroom.

“I’m going to grab some first aid stuff okay? I’ll be right back.” Y/n stuttered out, trying to hide his frown.

He could see now with light just how bad Beomgyus condition was. He knew he wouldn’t need a hospital, he knew Beomgyu absolutely hated the idea of going or telling the cops. But he needed to clean his open wounds.

Beomgyu nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the ground. Y/n quietly rushed to the bathroom and grabbed what he needed, not wanting to leave him alone for too long. He went back to his room and locked the door behind him, before going over to him.

Y/n sat in front of Beomgyu, sighing. “I need you to take your shirt off, please…”

Beomgyu didn’t really show a reaction, but proceeded to take his shirt off anyways. Y/n let out a shaky breath as he saw the bruises on his stomach. They weren’t too bad, but they were there.

Y/n started cleaning Beomgyu up, tears welling in his eyes. His neck had red irritated marks in the shape of handprints on them, which looked ready to turn into a bruise at any moment. His left collarbone had scratches on it, which looked it like came from the fabric of his shirt ripping the skin open.

What’s worse was his face, he had a black eye, his eyebrow above it was split open. His cheek was busted open, along with his bottom lip. Y/n did he best to clean it and patch him up. He wanted so badly to tell him to call the cops, or get proper medical care, but he knew it would only make the situation worse. So he stayed silent instead.

“You can borrow one of my shirts to sleep okay?” Y/n asked, grabbing a hold of one of Beomgyus hands, noticing blood on them.

He felt the boy nod as he began cleaning his hands the best he could. Y/n went to the closet after, pulling out a shirt for him to borrow before going into his duffel bag, pulling out a pair of boxers and shorts. He had to physically help Beomgyu change his clothes since he was still in shock. After Beomgyu was dressed he helped him get under the covers, pulling him close to his chest.

“What if…” Beomgyu mumbled, his voice broken and hoarse as he stared at the wall in the pitch black room. “What if we ran away together?”

Y/n was silent at first, before whispering softly. “I can’t Gyu… we can’t… we’re minors, we have no where to go, no way to support ourselves. I’d love to run away with you, be with you forever, but we can’t…”

Beomgyu gripped his shirt, finally bursting into tears. “I want to leave, I want to run away from this place. Not just home, but this town, this pain. I can’t take it anymore. But I don’t want to be alone.”

Y/n turned from laying on his back to facing Beomgyu, holding his waist while also holding him close. “I know Gyu, I’m so sorry. I wish we could, I really do.”

They stayed like that for a while, letting Beomgyu cry it all out. Y/n caressed his waist soothingly, letting him do as he needed. He didn’t seem phased when Beomgyu moved his hand to his neck, then to his face, cupping his cheek. He moved to place his hand over Beomgyus, not expecting to find himself in a passionate kiss.

Y/n made a soft startled sound before kissing him back, letting Beomgyu take control. There were a couple of moments where it was more teeth than lips, but he knew he was emotional and didn’t care much.

He placed his hand back on Beomgyus waist, gently pushing him away. “We should really go to sleep. We can continue this tomorrow.”

“Yeah, goodnight y/n.” He responded breathlessly.

“Goodnight Beomgyu.”

[soft-for-them]

I don't know a thing about love - Daryl Dixon x plus size non-binary reader

Summary: A Daryl x plus size non-binary reader based off the song 'I don't know a thing about love' by the White Buffalo.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated and help more people read my works.

A/N: This is both a non-binary reader and a plus size reader, so cis people this isn't for you. The reader has been left vague because this is a short fic and not all plus size non-binary people are afab (really, it's real problem with authors, non-binary people aren't women!) This is coming from your very own non-binary/queer op. 👍

Everyone knows that you and Daryl Dixon are partners but everyone also knows that your relationship, or lack thereof, is complicated.

It’s clear you love each other, Rick or Carl could tell you (with various amounts of excitement) about the first time the two of you met, how Daryl’s eye widened, how you smiled like you had be given the sun and moon.

From the very start of joining Rick’s group you had it hard. Having to explain to people that you’re non-binary and not a man or woman was hard, both for yourself because you were coming out again to complete strangers and for them for most of the group aren’t queer.

Carl got it straight away, he happily used your preferred pronouns and asked you many questions most of which weren’t about being trans but where about random this like comic books and how your survived.

Rick, Carol, Glenn and Maggie learnt quickly too whilst the rest took their time getting used to someone so different to their heteronormative life.

Maybe it was because living people are hard to come by, maybe it’s because most of the bigots of the group had met their grizzly end but somehow you feel safer with Rick’s little rag tag group of survivors then the people you house shared with before the apocalypse arose.

Then there’s Daryl.

Now don’t get me wrong, the first few weeks of you joining Rick’s crew he didn’t talk to you, he just stared at you. He was raised by bigoted people and he was trying to be better, before the end of times even began he was trying to be better. He wasn’t racist or homophobic like his dad or brother nor did he go out his way to antagonise anyone (for he isn’t Merle after all) but still he was learning.

He was drawn to you, it made him panic just a bit but he has long realised that he isn’t so straight, that he identifies with both Bisexual, Pansexual and Queer, that he didn’t need a label for one he loves you and two who fucking cares.

But still it took a long time to come to terms with, thankfully you were there with him to help.

He remembers one day when you still were new and everyone was still stuck in the prison out the blue he asked about your jacket, an oversized black denim jacket sparsely covered in handmade patches.

You told him about the small amount of patches that you had; a non-binary flag on the breast pocket, an anti-Nazi patch on your arm, two ridged band patches that really should have been ironed on instead of sew on dotted around, tin badges decorating the collar like a jewelled necklace.

Over the years the jacket has evolved like he has, both have become more outward and full of love.

Daryl still cracks a smile at the back patch adorning your jacket made out of an old t-shirt of Carl’s that depicted a superhero dog.

You and Daryl talk, sleep close, sneak kisses when people aren’t looking, go hunting together, laugh at each other’s silly jokes. You’re out going and talkative whilst he stands back quiet and stoic his eyes always filled with love for you. You share clothes like it’s nothing, he loves holding you close at night the feeling of your plush body against his better than any bed or pillow, he knows you in and out, as do you for him.

But somehow still the two of you have never breached the subject of how much you love each other, you’ve neither had the conversation trying to figure out what to call one another.

Well not until today.

Sitting idly on the front porch of a nice enough house in Alexandria you work away under the watchful eye of your lover.

It was no surprise that you and Daryl were put together in the same home, neither is it a surprise that you both sit so close as the sky starts to turn orange, the sun slowly setting and the moon rising into the sky.

Knees touching, you carefully try to stick on a new patch onto your jacket next to one of many pride flags you’ve acclimated over the years.

Daryl leans over watching you quietly sew wonky stitches, his face almost pressed to the side of your round cheek.

“You know what Daryl?” you whisper, eyes flickering up to look up at him.

He just hums out a yes.

“When I first met you I didn’t know anything about love, I don’t think I fully know a thing about love now but with you I- I well-“ you face goes warm, your fingers stop sewing as he looks up at you with sparkling eyes, “-I think I’m learning because of you.”

He just stares at you for a moment, shock and what you assume is love morphing his face into a sweet smile.

That moment disappears as he leans down and kisses you, his chapped lips gentle on yours, your hands dropping your handiwork on your lap to hold his face in place.

You pull away first but still hold onto him with pin pricked hands, eye still connected staring like a fool at him, happiness flooding through your bodies.

“For years I was told I’d never find love because of who I am-“ you begin again still in a whisper, the thoughts of the long dead people who said such cruel things being pushed away by the many memories of your and Daryl.

You push a piece of his long brown hair back from his face, you smile growing big and proud.

“- but I had been looking for love below and above despite all the dead roaming around and then there you were.”

He lets out a small chuckle, one that isn’t filled with malice like old lovers did but one filled with a joy you’ve only seen for yourself.

“Do you?” he asks covering your wondering hands with his, “Because I do, I love you.”

“So many eyes in the world are searching for love and somehow I find you, of course I love you Daryl.”

The two of you laugh together as you kiss again, the set of wings you were stitching onto your jacket fully discarded as the kiss deepens.

[zambehnation]

They never kiss because in this one Wilson and Cuddy and the merry band of fellows convince House that he didn’t need to be miserable. Only he found he could be happy with someone else.

You’re jealous.

Of course, I’ve secretly harbored feelings for you all of this time. Leave your new lover. Come away with me instead.

Tempting. Except, you were never jealous of any of the other people I’ve been interested in— you were actually happy for me when I started dating Stacy. So, what’s changed? Is it because it’s a man?

You— actually think I’m jealous of you dating that man. I’m not— House, I have a patient in ten. Can we talk about this later? Or not because nothing’s wrong.

I asked if you wanted to get dinner. You said you were busy. You’re not. I checked with your secretary—

I had plans. I do have a life outside of this hospital that my secretary isn’t paid to manage.

There’s nothing, I would have known if—

What is it that you actually want? Why are you here? So, I missed this dinner. We can reschedule. I’m free tomorrow night. We’ll finally meet and I’m sure I’ll approve of him because anyone who makes you less of an ass is good in my book.

You’re avoiding me. I don’t care if you don’t approve of him. I care that we haven’t hung out since you found out. You’re not homophobic or else I’d have run you off sooner with all the gay jokes and the flirting. You’re jealous because I’m dating a man. But Pookie, you shouldn’t, because you’re still number one.

I’m not— It’s just a little weird. You never told me and now I’m just supposed to accept— I’m the one who’s always been there for you— through the leg and Stacy leaving and the addiction and the destruction. I stood next to you, given you everything you needed, everything I could.

Why isn’t it me?

That sounds a lot like a confession which if it is…is terrible.

It’s that serious?

You like him?

You’ve been pushing me to let other people in since you’ve known me— to move on from Stacy (from you), to try (to fall in love, be happy)—

Does it have to be with him?

It could have been with you.

—And now what? You suddenly decide to act like an idiot because there’s someone else or is it because you think that I owe you enough to sleep with you? That it? After all this time, you banked enough to collect on the fuck the cripple credits?

Don’t cheapen this. You know that’s not what I meant. If I had known there was a chance—

How could you not have known?

I didn’t know you liked men. You’re not as transparent as you think.

Not to anyone else. But to you? You’re as obsessive about me as I am of you. You notice everything and you’re proud when you’ve figured me out, when you’re right about me. So how could you have gotten this wrong?

You know I—?

I want you.

That you wanted me? Yeah.

I’ve always known. It wasn’t a problem. I wanted you too.

But you never said anything.

You hide. You repress. You get married (to other people). You could have said something, but you didn’t because you weren’t going to risk it so why should I?

Because you’re not afraid of risking anything even when you have everything to lose. You’re the adrenaline junkie. You thrive on the knife edge. Maybe there was something there to lose if you’d told me the truth and told me that you knew how I felt but for some reason you decided you weren’t going to risk it.

You think it’s not worth it if you can’t risk losing it.

No, I wasn’t.

Why?

It doesn’t matter. (You could have said something, and I still wouldn’t have let you because you stay when you’re needed. I’ve never seen you stay because you were loved.)

You want it not to matter? (But you want me.) You want to stay just… friends? (But I want you. We could be more, and we could be good, but you’d rather we pretend?)

Yeah. (No. Call me out. You’re supposed to be brave.)

Okay. I’ll come to dinner.

[redheadbigshoes]

I’m coming to you about this because I literally feel like I’m going fucking crazy without another lesbian who’ll understand what I’m talking about.

So, a guy who I thought I was chill with, he’s a band member of mine actually, straight up called me a lesbian slur. I asked him if he knew what he was saying, as I always do. I don’t rag on people for calling me something if they aren’t aware of it. (Though it does make me wish people weren’t so ignorant but we can’t know everything.)

Thing is. He did. I asked him and he said yes. He knew & still called it me anyway.

I attempted to talk to him about it, “hey was up with that?” kinda thing and, y’know, why would he call me such a thing if he knew how hurtful it was?

He replied to me saying he was just trying to get in on a joke I was having with another friend. When I told him that he knew he shouldn’t be saying that shit he denied even knowing what the word meant in the first place. Which felt really disingenuous and now it just feels like he’s lying to my face. Just because I call myself a dyke, lezzer, whatever, doesn’t then give people permission to call me that. Especially not straight men. I have a nasty experience with people just calling me those things on repeat and he knows this. He started saying he’s been depressed and “hasn’t had a joke and a proper laugh in a long time” whatever the fuck that has to do with it I don’t know. (Seriously how is joking about lesbians and calling them slurs going to fix your mental health?) When all I tried to do was just… Understand why he did what he did?

Everyone I’ve attempted to speak to about it for advice as how the hell to deal with this just hit me with, “oh but he didn’t mean it.” And then implied I shouldn’t be hurt by it and that I’m wrong for addressing it to him, for telling him he made me uncomfortable and for drawing a line. I genuinely don’t even know what to do now because this shit has really just upset me and now I’m expected to like coddle this guy and tell him it’s all flowery and okay because he called me a slur.

To be 100%, he had recently started using the fact I’m a lesbian in a lot of jokes. A lot of which involved violence. So I feel like an idiot for even being shocked.

Sorry this is so long. I’m just exhausted since I’m expected to still make music with this man after all of this and I can’t exactly leave either.

It really seems like he’s a homophobe but just tried to use a shit excuse to hide his homophobia. Whatever mental health issue he’s struggling with isn’t an excuse to call you something he knows is a slur.

People usually will be more willing to defend the agressor than to empathize with the victim. He sure as hell meant what he said, especially considering you said you asked him if he knew what he was saying and he told you he did. You’re absolutely not wrong for trying to understand more the situation and for telling him you were uncomfortable by his actions. These people seem the kind of people who’d tell you you shouldn’t say if you’re uncomfortable in regard of the other person’s feelings, which tbh just sounds like someone who’d defend SA.

Grown adults are not supposed to be coddled, especially when they did something wrong. And men especially shouldn’t be coddled because that’s what they’re used to, they’re used to people defending them no matter what they do.

I think you should definitely distance yourself away from that guy and from the people who defended him. That is not acceptable.

[fifi-goes-to-hollywood]

idk if you answered something like this already but:

What was their first impression when they met for the first time? In both senses, I mean, what did they think the first time they laid eyes on each other, but also what did they think when they started talking and getting to know each other a little?

Okay so, let’s dig into those feels.

Jan was suspicious at first. His heart was still broken after Martin’s departure. He couldn’t make himself like Nace. But when they started spending more and more time with each other, around the first JO gig in current lineup it finally clicked. Jan found a true friend, felt so comfortable with Nace. Suddenly, around recording CD something sparked. Jan understood he’s not just comfortable around Nace. He was in love. He felt comfortable in his queerness, even tho he was in good terms with his sexuality.

Nace was on the other hand excited, but shy. He knew the band was still gluing their broken hearts. The shyness didn’t let him reach Jan either. He felt like a teenager around their crush, thinking “what a cute guy”. He had sometimes harder times with dealing with his queerness, even tho he knew he’s not only into women (some family members being homophobic) and tried to shut his true feelings towards Jan, making it platonic. But after a few meetings and seeing, how Jan opened up, he felt more confident and finally embraced his sexuality fully.

Still, both were too shy and too scared to make that first move so they fooled around, flirted, had a few flings in pre-ESC season. They were scared that the feelings were one-sided. They weren’t. JO, their friends and chosen family members had enough with their whining “what if he doesn’t love me?” and motivated them. And as stated in previous asks, Nace made the first move.

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

Ted Lasso episode 3.09 "La Locker Room Aux Folles"

Still from "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

I was trying to wait for the series to end before I covered Ted, but this episode really stood out to me. There was so much in it that I found perfect and meticulously executed, and those parts are all the more impressive to me given the problems I have with its central premise.

There are multiple ways to read this episode, and ways that I can make it make sense for myself, but I still just have to say: what the fuck, Isaac? I give the episode some credit because literally everyone immediately said the same thing, and if this is what they were going to do with the episode they handled it as best they could, but something about it just didn’t quite sit right with me.

The episode picks up where the last one left off, with Isaac icing Colin out after grabbing his phone and seeing some gay stuff on there. Just like Trent earlier this season, I never came close to suspecting the worst in Isaac, so I don’t really appreciate this show continuing to play the “is he a homophobe” game with Colin and me. And without really entertaining the question they want me to be asking, it’s just a little weird. What’s his deal?

It all comes to a head at halftime when Isaac’s inexplicable pent up anger leaves Richmond down 0-1 at the half. As they shuffle into the locker room, a belligerent fan shouts down that the team is playing like f**s, and that’s the straw that breaks the mysterious camel’s back. Colin and Sam both hear it too and avoid engaging, but Isaac leaps into the stands and starts pummeling the guy, with Roy of all people being the one to break it up.

Again, the thing that makes a character’s bizarre behavior work is when the show acknowledges that it is indeed bizarre. Isaac is rightfully red carded and Richmond is down a player for the rest of the game, and the dude comes in shaking. Everyone just looks at him, and finally Ted breaks the silence with “okay, no one’s gonna say anything? I’ll say somethin’. What just happened?” This just sends Isaac hurling his captain band across the room and storming off into a closet with an aggressive shout of “what if one of us was gay?!” But when Ted tries to go after him, Roy says he’s got it.

Kola Bokinni in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

While Roy ambiguously talks him down, with little Will’s help, we’re not given much more insight into what’s really bothering him. Roy’s utter respect for people and willingness to mind his own business is a really great perspective to add to this episode’s conversation, and I really appreciate him here. Later, at the post-game press conference, I’ll appreciate him even more.

While he tells Isaac to handle whatever he’s “really mad about”, the rest of the team speculates on what in the world has gotten into him. Colin stays quiet, but Sam mentions that he heard what the fan said that got that reaction. The pacing in this locker room sequence is perfect. The comedic beats keep this from getting more serious than it needs to be (coming out is a big deal, but this isn’t a melodrama, nor does it need to be when it’s all love, as we know it will be). So Sam tells the team that the fan said the F-word, which is met with choruses of:

“Fuck?”

“No, the other F-word”

“ohh fuck…”

The team reaches the inevitable conclusion that Isaac must be gay. Finally, Colin admits that Isaac isn’t gay. He is. We don’t actually see him come out, though, which is an interesting choice that I actually think is really classy. I know Colin isn’t a real guy, but a big theme in this episode is giving people their privacy, and I like that the episode itself found a way to let him have this moment with the team in private without us feeling like we’re missing any plot points.

There’s a really nice moment after this that we do get to see, that adds to the impressive, thoughtful storytelling here. The team of course is quick to douse Colin in love, with Jamie saying, “you got us, we got you”, among some other choruses of “yeah bruv, we don’t care”. But something about that last part doesn’t sit right with Ted. He tells a little story about a friend of his who was a Denver Broncos’ fan in a place where that was not a popular team. He didn’t write off his friend the way everyone else in his town did, because he ‘didn’t care’, but he found out later that his friend spent two consecutive super bowls alone because Ted ‘didn’t care’, which also meant that he didn’t think that friend might need some special attention.

Jason Sudeikis in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

During this really sweet monologue, Sam and Jamie have a silent conversation over who should wear Isaac’s captain band for the rest of the game. Sam caught it when Isaac flung it off, and Jamie is gesturing for Sam to give it to him. Sam instead flips him off and puts it on. It breaks up the moment without detracting from it, and it was perfectly on brand for the two of them.

When Ted’s story ends, Colin asks if he just compared being gay to being a Denver Broncos’ fan, and Jamie asks what the fuck a Denver Bronco is. Ted’s anecdote here is such a great choice for this episode in a few ways. First, as a viewer, I found that to be a powerful comparison, and the point Ted is trying to make is well taken. But that story is for us, the viewers, not the team. It reached us, but not his intended audience right in front of him, and his tripping over himself within the story continues to serve the scene. It’s another comedic break, and I appreciate the show’s acknowledgement that straight people don’t always nail it when people come out, despite their best intentions. But Ted sums it up for everyone: “the point is, Colin, we don’t ‘not care’. We care very much. We care about who you are and what you must’ve been going through”.

So ultimately, Ted did nail it. Colin flies back onto the field, weightless, telling Trent jokingly that the only way it could’ve gone better is if the entire team came out too. This was all so sweet, but there was nothing like Colin’s guttural, euphoric “YEESS!!!” on the field after carrying the team to victory. I’m tearing up a little just thinking about it.

Billy Harris in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

That night, Isaac knocks on Colin’s door, wanting to know what about him made Colin feel like he needed to keep his sexuality a secret from him. To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of this being normalized as an ‘acceptable’ reason to react badly to people coming out. Isaac apologized, and Colin made the good point that he kept the secret his whole life and only lasted a month after Isaac knew. But the show had the option to have not made this a plot point at all. Everything else in this episode was so perfect, that I feel like I can tell that Isaac’s reaction was an unfortunately necessary vehicle to bring the story to this point.

Nonetheless, the two make up and play video games together and it’s all very nice, so I’m willing to let it go, especially with the rest of the episode’s events and themes in mind. I couldn’t help but think throughout this episode that Keeley’s coming out was not at all this belabored and serious, which I thought was normal and great. But now Jack is moving to Argentina for several months because Keeley was hacked and had her nudes leaked…? That revelation was a footnote of this episode at best, but combined with Isaac’s behavior, perhaps the takeaway to all this is just that sometimes people don’t always do the right thing.

I guess we’ll find out what to make of Jack later, but the culmination of everything this episode is trying to say has me leaving my heart open for her to redeem herself. Roy tells a great anecdote of his own at a press conference after the game that really sums up this takeaway- Rebecca had asked him to attend a press conference in Ted’s place earlier in the episode and he had sent Beard instead. Rebecca then laid into Roy, telling him to stop “ordering shit sandwiches and complaining about the portions”. This was a perfectly timed criticism because, especially with Brett Goldstein’s recent appearances on Sesame Street, Roy was starting to become a bit of a caricature of himself. It was very appropriate and self-aware of the show to show him being challenged and in the vulnerable position of having a boss.

So, Roy heeded her advice (or orders, depending on how you look at it) and went to the post-match press conference, despite Ted being available to do it himself. His commanding presence was the right choice, given that the press room was frothing at the mouth to ask what the hell had gotten into Isaac. The first question Roy takes is if Richmond condones Isaac’s behavior, to which Roy grunts “what a stupid fucking question. Course we don’t. What Isaac did was awful. He was lucky he only got a red card.” The natural follow up question is “then why’d he do it?”

Instead of answering, Roy tells an uncharacteristically vulnerable story from his past. When he was a young player, he had a teammate whose wife was expecting their first baby. One day at training, Roy made a joke that statistically, he was just as likely to be the father as his teammate. Not a great joke, but it didn’t warrant the guy breaking three of his ribs. The teammate was expelled from the team, and no other team wanted him after that. Roy ran into him at a pub months later, and took the opportunity to apologize for his joke. The teammate then told him that his wife had lost the baby a month before the incident, and never told anyone. “So for Isaac to do what he did today, even though it was wrong, I give him love. And as for why he did what he did, that’s none of my fucking business. Next question.”

Brett Goldstein in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

If Isaac’s poor behavior was just a plot device to bring out the best in both Roy and Ted- and have them convince me to forgive Isaac in the process- I’ll allow it. Ted Lasso is love, and acceptance, and respect, even in moments that we don’t relate to or understand. I could watch Sam’s hands-in chant of “I love you guys so very much!” every day.

Finally, I would be remiss not to mention Nate. I hate to see him on the dark side, but I think he’s doing something uniquely challenging by choosing goodness in a space where it’s met with so much opposition. The last few episodes have convinced me that he really is cute and charming and I want so bad for him to reach his own potential. He said himself that he owes a lot to Rupert, so taking the initiative to leave the “guy’s night” that turned out to involve Rupert setting him up with hookers took courage (a guy’s night that Rupert never tried to initiate before finding out that Nate had a girlfriend). His showing up at Jade’s door and wrapping her in a big hug made me so proud. I know Richmond will be waiting for him with open arms when he’s ready to come back, and even though we all know it’s coming, I will love seeing it happen.

How do you guys think Ted Lasso is going to wrap up its final episodes? What’s going on with the now promiscuous and mysteriously absent Doc Shannon? Is Rebecca going to have babies or what (with Sam…?)? Do you really want to eat at Ola’s or is that just me? What do you make of this being a British show built for an American audience?

[hxneyfarm]

wip wednesday snippet from ch3 of greatest hits

catch ch3 this saturday on ao3 content warning this time around for mention of homophobic slurs

“Did you tell Nancy?” He asks, before he’s even out of the car.

Oh, shit. Eddie did tell Nancy. There’s something like anger simmering in Steve’s expression as he approaches Eddie. He still holds out a hand for a cigarette, though, so he can’t be that mad. Right?

“Did I tell Nancy what, Stevie?”

“Don’t you play coy with me,” Steve says, narrowing his eyes as he steps into Eddie’s space.

“I’m not playing coy, I just wanna hear you say it,” Eddie tells him. 

They’re very close now, almost nose to nose. Eddie can feel Steve’s breath on his lips. He’s definitely got a little bit of fire in his eyes. Maybe he really is mad about it. It makes Eddie a little jumpy; he trusts Steve, sure, but there’s something about the look in his eyes, about Eddie’s years of being called queer and faggot that makes him want to run or fight or make a stupid joke.

“Are we about to kiss right now, sweetheart?” 

Joke it is, apparently. 

Steve ignores this. He says, “Did you… tell Nancy that we jerked off together?”

Eddie’s heart skips a beat, just hearing Steve say the words. 

“I mean… yes and no? I didn’t tell her about the other night. After that first night, I… I thought I was going crazy, Steve. I thought I’d imagined it or dreamt it or some shit. I had to talk to somebody.”

Steve’s shoulders droop, the anger from before all but seeping out of him. “So it wasn’t… you weren’t like… making fun of me with her?”

“No? Jesus. I was freaked out. I had to say something to someone. At least it was one of ours, y’know? She was there for the conversation.” He takes a long drag from his cigarette, blows the smoke down and away from Steve. “Would you rather I said something to the band? The kids? Fuckin’... Argyle and Jonathan?”

“No, god. Why not talk to me about it?” Steve scrubs a hand over his face. “Listen, man… next time, just… tell me no, if it freaks you out that much. I feel like…” He sighs really deeply, his cheeks pink. He’s embarrassed. “Did I take advantage of you?”

“Take advantage -?” Eddie chokes on a laugh. “No, Steve, you didn’t.” Eddie’s fucking head is spinning with the suggestion of next time. “If anyone was takin’ advantage it was me. That’s the most action I’ve ever gotten, okay? And, like… what the fuck? I’m not allowed to talk to Nancy about shit but you’re allowed to talk to Robin?”

“That’s different, and you know it.”

“You gotta make up your fuckin’ mind, man,” Eddie tells him. “One day it’s I wanna do it again and then like three days later it’s tell me no? Which is it, Steve?”

When Steve doesn’t answer him, Eddie scoffs. And now it’s his turn with the stupid ideas. He can’t shut the fuck up, can’t stop himself from just throwing it out there. 

“Maybe we should do it again. Maybe we should do it over and over again till you finally go, Gee whiz, I think I might wanna fuck dudes.” 

It hangs in the air between them for a moment.

Eddie catches the way Steve draws in a breath, the way his pupils are just a little too wide, before he confesses, “I bought, um, I bought a porno. A gay one. For us to watch.”

What the whole entire fuck is wrong with this guy?

[booksandwords]

Married to My Best Friend by Riley Hart

Read time: 1 Day Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Quote: “How do I go about getting my card?” “Queer people are magic, baby. We just know. It’ll arrive via unicorn in ten business days.” — Caden and Alex

Warnings: Implied Homophobia

Married to my Best Friend follows Alex Bailey and Caden Hall on their story of a drunken marriage in Vegas, FriendsWhoAreMarriedMoon in Puerto Vallarta and Caden's world-shaking realisation. Alex and Caden are playing on a couple of tropes tied to unrequited love, queer identity and childhood emotional trauma(? look some people should never get married). That may sound heavy but it isn't Riley Hart can play for keeps and through emotional haymakers but that isn't her game here this is just short, fun and kinda sweet. I do wish it was longer, drawn out their tension deserved it.

The prologue begins when they are twelve with Caden introducing them, their relationship and his own circumstances. Moves to them at fourteen when Edward Hall makes some homophobic comments to Caden about Alex and we are shown just how close Caden and Alex are. And ends with them at sixteen Alex experimenting with his sexuality, hurting them in the process and containing the line “Promise me something… that you won’t ever lie to me again, and that we’ll always be best friends, no matter what.” (Caden). Honestly, it's a simple but effective prologue that tells the reader much about their childhoods and bond. I appreciate the way the whole book is written. It feels like they are walking toward each other on a tightrope despite their promises of friendship for life. What creates that tightrope is the damage that losing each would do psychologically. Do we know where this is going? Yeah but it's the ride.

The aborted marriage between Jack and Alex is mutual and perfectly timed, they were both in love with others and it feels like they were carrying to distract themselves from their unrequited attraction. We really never get a good read on Jack with Alex only thinking about Caden and his own doubts and Caden his misunderstood jealously. I can see Jack turning up in his own novella at some point. One of the most interesting in the story for me is Gladys, the woman Alex and Caden meet on the plane. Her story and experiences are so painful but I appreciate her message, one that Caden takes to heart. The whole way Caden comes to his realisation is amusing to me, he's a possessive b**tard.

Despite the short length I still want to add quotes. Including Gladys' story.

“I am. I’m an independent woman.” She smiled. “And I’m glad… that the wedding didn’t happen. Not everyone has a choice or is lucky enough to find the person they’re meant to be with, and even if they do, they don’t always get them. I didn’t end up with the love of my life… his name was Harry. His dad used to work for mine. We were different, and back then, those differences mattered more than they do now— class and such. My family came from money, and his didn’t. My parents caught us together and forced me to break it off with him. I was devastated, but… girls like me just didn’t disobey their parents back then. “I ended up in a… situation, if you know what I mean. It happened before we broke up. We were going to run away together. I packed a bag and went to meet him, but Harry didn’t show up. He’d been hit by a car and didn’t survive. It just about killed me.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “Anyway, my parents wanted to send me away to deal with my situation, and I went, but didn’t do what they wanted. I raised our baby girl on my own and told her all about her daddy.” — I know this is a super long quote but I love Gladys' story. She is one of those rare female characters in an mm romance story who is not related to either of the protagonists but cannot be ignored. She has her own story and message. The start of this is in reaction to Caden asking her "Are you traveling her alone?" (Gladys)

I straightened my arm, looked at the band on my finger. I was married. To Alex. My Alex. I smiled. Why the fuck I was smiling, I didn’t know, but I couldn’t stop myself. My mouth suddenly had a mind of its own, and the bastard was stubborn, because no matter how many times I tried to frown or relax, it didn’t work. — This is a sweet moment for me. This is the start of Caden's realisation. He's just staring at his ugly ass wedding ring and starting to hope it was real. (Caden)

“Did you like it? Kissing me?” “I liked it so much, I ache to do it again.” His response stole my damn breath. I didn’t know what to do, what to think. This would likely backfire big-time. There were so many reasons why I shouldn’t consider this… but it was Caden. — Not the only time Caden makes Alex want to decide to throw caution to the wind and risk their friendship. But this is most tempting. This is after Caden made his move in a serious way. It's the last line that makes this. (Alex and Caden)

[cherryeol04]

Action! | Ch. 22

Genre: Humor, Romance, Slice of life?, Crackheadedness

Pairings: BaekRen, MinRon

Work Count: 2.2K

Summary:  From the moment he was casted, Ren wasn't sure if he had what it would take to be a pop idol. Losing faith in himself, he was going to give up the future he had always wanted, but one person stood by his side and renewed his faith. After a hot debut and rapid growth of stardom, Ren started to notice that maybe this person, his close friend, was something more. But how could a straight man even remotely think of a homosexual relationship?

Warnings: Homophobia, some smut (chapters will be marked)

A/N: I wrote this series back in 2012 and used OCs and over the top writing style for arguments. Whoops. Lmao it’s pretty decent though, so I hope you enjoy!

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Adrian’s POV

I had expected to be called over to the Nu’est dorm sooner than I was. If anything, I was expecting to get a call letting me know Ren had left and if I had seen him. But I didn’t get any call like that. I suppose though, I couldn’t hold it against the boys. They just lost a vital member of the group. Granted, they all are vital members; still, Ren had been important. The cute little maknaes of groups are what really keep a band together. To lose the original and be replaced, it just never worked out. The boys needed a chance to cool off, if the angry texts responding to the picture I sent were anything to go by. But the culprit was labeled clearly.

Baekho that idiot!

When the call finally came a few days later, I went over as quickly as could. Of course, it was later in the evening because of my scheduling, but that was fine. I knew they would be waiting for me. The desperate pleas from JR to come save him from the other angry members told me so. I was braced from screaming and shouting when the door was opened. I had not expected to nearly be hit by a flying shoe. JR pushed me down as the shoe flew out of the apartment and hit the wall across the hall. I stared at him, eyes wide with terror.

“This is why I called.” He said. JR, after his incident of being homophobic had actually gotten better. I heard that he apologized to Minhyun for what he had said and how he acted and shortly after I had received my own apology. I forgave him quicker than Minhyun had. I had no ill feelings towards JR, the other acted like I knew many people would and like I had told them, he did eventually come around.

Reaching around, I grabbed the abused shoe and brought it in with me. I sat it down next to the pile of shoes and took mine off before walking in. “So I take it, they’re still not happy?” I asked.

“They’ve been trying for two days now to show Baekho why it was exactly his fault, but he just doesn’t seem to get it. He usually runs off to go be with Uee and After School noonas to cry to them about the problem. But they all have schedules today, so he can’t use that excuse and they refuse to let him leave the dorm. He may look strong, but with Aron and Minhyun teaming up…they’re stronger.” JR explained. He stopped at the entrance to the living room. He motioned for me to stop as well and he peeked around the corner.

“Okay, I have no idea where they went.” He said and stepped in slowly. He jumped as he heard something hit the wall to our left.  We turned and stared in shock. Boys rough housed, that I knew. I’ve caught Kouji and Kai play fighting all the time in our dorm, but this…this looked like they were trying to kill Baekho. Well, it looked like Aron was trying to kill him, strangle him to be precise and Minhyun was aiding in the process by pinning the other down.

“Children!” I shouted. “Enough!”

The three looked at me. Aron gave me a look that dared me to try and stop him. I shot him back my own glare and took a few steps forward. He released Baekho then and got up, Minhyun following. The white tiger rolled over onto his stomach, coughing and crawled towards for safety.

“H-Hyung! T-Thank you.” He said between coughs. I looked down at him and glared, upset myself. He was the reason I was here, the reason why the two were trying to kill him. “JR-shii…take Minhyun and Aron out for something to eat.” I said.

“No way! We still have a bone to pick with this asshole.” Aron said, cracking his knuckles. I shot him another glare and he backed down. Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out my wallet and opened. Grabbing my card, I held it out to JR.

“Don’t go crazy.” I reminded him. He nodded and looked to the other members then. “Go.” I told them. It took them a moment, but they walked past. I could feel the anger radiating off them as they headed for the front door. It took a few moments, but the door opened and closed and Baekho and I were finally alone.

“Thank god.” He said as he climbed to his feet, rubbing his sore neck. Turning to him, I sighed, shaking my head.

“Let’s go.” I told him and led him into the kitchen.  Sitting him at the table, I searched through the cabinets until I found a Ziploc bag. Making my way to the fridge, I opened the top door and filled the bag with some ice before sealing it. Walking back to him, I held it out to him so he could put it on his neck and keep the swelling and bruising minimal.

“I honestly thought I was going to die.” He said, watching me as I sat down.

“To be honest, I think you should.” I told him and frowned. His expression was that of shock. It seemed the information still hadn’t sunk in. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and brought up the picture of Ren. “You did this Baekho.” I said.

“How many times am I going to see that picture? I didn’t do that.” Baekho protested. I slammed my free hand down on the table.

“Listen to me Kang Dongho.” I hissed out. “Are you listening?” I asked. With wide eyes, he nodded. “Good.” I held up the phone again and showed him the picture again. “Take a good fucking look at this face Baekho. The tear stains, do you see them?” I asked. “You caused them. They’re from you. His decision to leave is because of you and your behavior. Do you know why? And before you answer that question, I want you to think long and hard Baekho. Take as long as you need to reply. I have all night, but think on your words before you answer.” I warned him.

Silence fell between us and I could practically see the wheels in Baekho’s mind spinning as he thought on my question and how to work his answer carefully. Though at this point I don’t think there is anything he could possibly say that could get him out of this situation.

“I…” he paused and sighed. “They said it’s because of me. Everyone said I made him cry, but I don’t know why. Honestly.” He answered. I looked him dead in the eyes and for the first time I actually took in how scared the other looked, how upset the other was about this. Ren told me that Baekho didn’t try to stop him, but could it have been because he was just as shocked as the other’s by Ren’s sudden departure? The look in his eyes, he looked distraught, out of sorts. Was this all a façade? Was this a mask Baekho put on to cover up how hurt he was as well?

“I believe you.” I answered and sat back in the chair and sighed. “Baekho, I’m sure the others have told you that Ren left because he liked you right?” Baekho nodded in answer. “They are not lying Baekho. Ren likes you so much.” I said. “And I could sit here and preach to you about how much he cares and is hurt by your actions, but I don’t want to waste my breath on things the others have already told you.”

“They have told me.” He said as he stared at me. “But, I just don’t understand. If he liked me so much, why didn’t he say anything? I don’t judge people. I didn’t judge Aron, or Minhyun, or you. Why couldn’t he be open with me?” He was a confused little child, that’s what Baekho was.

“Think back Baekho. Don’t you think you knew all along that he liked you?” I asked. In the short few months I knew these boys, I could see how Ren favored Baekho, and how he did everything he could to make sure they ended up on teams together, could spend time together. I wasn’t in their personal lives all the time, but I doubt it was any different behind these dorm walls.

“I guess.” He said. “Yeah, thinking back on it…I can see it.” He ran a hand through his hair and let out a groan. “Did I fuck up really badly?”

“More than you could ever know.” I told him. “Ren doesn’t want to come back, Baekho. He’s lost all hope.” I said. “He doesn’t think you like him anymore. That you don’t care about him. All your time is spent with Uee.” I said.

“He said that?” Baekho asked in shock. “How could he think that? I care a lot about him. He’s been my friend for a couple years now. We have such a strong bond…” he trailed off. Realization was finally starting to sink in for him. He was quickly learning about the mistakes he made. This was a good sign.

“I like Uee noona, but now that the show is basically over with and we’ve spent time outside of it, it’s just not working. We’re not as compatible as I thought we were.” He confessed. “Still, Ren was jealous of Uee?” he asked, looking back at me.

“No. He wasn’t jealous of Uee. He was hurt. He wanted you to be happy, don’t get things mixed up Baekho. Ren’s the kind of person who gets hurt easily, but if it means that his friends get to be happy, he accepts it. He was accepting of your relationship, but it hurt him deeply.”

“Fuck. I feel like an ass now.”

“You are.”

We sat in silence for a while. I wanted him to sit there and think. I wanted him to understand just what was going on and how it was affecting not just him and Ren, but the other members. For fuck sakes I walked in on Aron trying to strangle him.

“I have to do something.” Baekho said. I looked up at him and nodded. He hit the nail on the head with that statement.

“Do you like him?” I asked. He raised a brow at me and I saw him open his mouth to say something, but I gave him one of those looks and he paused. He thought about his answer for a moment before speaking.

“Yes.” He said and looked down as he rubbed his face. “Shit. Shitshitshit.” He said. “I never thought I was gay.” I laughed at that and shook my head. Baekho and Ren were so similar it wasn’t even funny.

“Look Baekho, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Ren. You can like a guy without being gay.”

“Impossible.”

“It’s not. You can like a person of the same sex without liking any other same sex person. It’s not the fact that you’re attracted to the same gender, it’s the fact you’re attracted to another person. A person you like a lot, and feel so compatible with.” I explained. “Then again, you also like girls, so you could be bisexual.” I said.

He stared at me for a long moment and I sighed. Yeah, he had a really slow mind. It took a moment, but he finally processed the information and smiled. “Well…I guess I could live with being bisexual.” I smiled. Good. “Damn, I feel like a fool. I mean…for a while now I’ve been trying to deny my attraction to him. But…I don’t know why. I guess maybe I was scared of what that made me.” He said. “But now that you talked to me, I don’t really see an issue anymore.” I sighed and shook his head.

“Baekho, forget the titles. Forget what people would think of you. Listen to your heart.” I told him. “Listen to what it’s telling you. If you can do that, if you can accept yourself for what you are, for who you like without the need of a title, then you’re in great shape and I know you can help get things resolved with you and Ren.” I said. His head slowly nodded, but he didn’t look at me. He was concentrating and that was a good thing. It gave me hope in this hopeless time. I stood and moved around, patting his shoulder gently.

“You know hyungs number if you need more help. But Baekho, figure something out soon.” I told him. HE looked up at me confused. “I don't know how long Ren is going to go on. The pain is still there, even though he’s left. I don’t think he would do something so stupid but he might try to end it once and for all.” I said. That should light a fire under his ass. I left him there, fear evident on his face. He better do something now. I don’t think Ren would kill himself, but he needed something, some sort of sign to get his hope back. Ren was a beautiful person, both physically and spiritually. He didn’t deserve to be brought down into the depths of such darkness. He needed to be saved, to be brought back to the light.

And only Baekho could do that.