#nikki in an interview saying ‘why would i care what they do with their lives!’

[cruesuffix]

I see your doing random headcanons and I was wondering if you could please do headcanons for mick actually having a boyfriend but the guys had like zero idea and their reaction to finding out mick is fruity and dating some guy they don't know anything abt (bonus points for them being jelly as shit)

oh boy do i love jealous crue!!! also mick dating someone that isn’t in the crue (or even in the industry altogether) is so appealing to me.

a headcanon girl productions presents: the closet mick lives in is made out of pure steel!!

- now let’s say this guy that micks dating is just a random citizen. maybe they met at a bar, or after a show. wherever doesn’t really matter, it’s just a casual meeting. they quickly become friends and this guy is someone mick can really talk to. if there’s something weighing on his mind, he knows his friend can help him through it. if he just wants to vent about his stupid evil band, this guy will let him! and of course mick would do anything for his friend as well, maybe he finds himself wanting to help his friend out with literally anything. he doesn’t even do this for his band. a couple months pass by and for some reason mick starts feeling differently about this guy. it’s not negative at all, but…it’s something probably worse

- we all know how ppl were in the eighties. i think mick would be a bit internally homophobic at first. like, he’s not at all bothered by gay people, he thinks they’re fine. but, he comes from a generation where even having feelings was seen as gay. so, when his feelings for his friend turns a bit romantic he’s very quick to try to push them down and quell whatever desires he might have. like…yes he’s starting to see himself wanting to hold hands with this guy and all that jazz but…he’s supposed to want such things with a woman not a man.

- fast forward all that sad gay stuff, it would take a bit longer for him to fully accept himself and all that, but i still think this friend of his would make the first move! (mick the sub agenda will prevail through me and me alone!) his friend would admit that he’s gay and sorta kinda in love with mick, to micks absolute glee ofc.

- so they start dating! privately ofc, both of them know what it’s like being gay in these times, so mick moves him into his house and they live together. of course, they’d pretend it was because micks friend was bordering homelessness so he just happened to be a nice friend and offer him shelter. nobody thinks twice about this. mick is just that nice everyone believes he’d do something like that.

- who knows when exactly mick decides to tell his bandmates. it would have to wait until he’s entirely sure they won’t take it terribly. he’d ask so many questions. every time he’s alone with one of them he’s going “hey so…what do you think about gay people?” It gets so bad that now the bands sure he’s the homophobic one. cue tommy going up to nikki and going “has mick been weirdly obsessed with gay people around you too or is it just me?”

- (love the idea of nikki going “he asked me how i’d feel if one of us was gay and i’m starting to think he thinks i’m gay…i don’t know though…”)

- after getting pretty favourable answers from the band (and increasingly weird stares), he finally brings out his boyfriend on tour and introduces him to them.

- cue open mouths and disbelieving stares. tommy thinks it’s a joke so he high fives this guy and talks about how funny their little prank is. mick just stares him dead in the eyes and goes “i ain’t joking.”

- everyone immediately freezes. they would have never guessed mick was fruity…like at all!! he’s the most clean cut, midwestern guy they know…they kind of associate all that with being straighter than a lamppost. him being gay was the last thing they’d ever think of! maybe they’d try going back and looking at all his interactions with certain people. do any of them think mick has ever acted gay? absolutely not. sure, he didn’t mess around with groupies that much, but they all figured that was because he was old fashioned! now they’re looking back and thinking “wait, was that just because he isn’t attracted to girls? is he still attracted to girls? what’s going on??”

- they’d have to keep their facial expressions neutral as they introduce themselves to this mystery dude.

- nikki’s stammering, shaking the dudes hand. he’s trying to stay cool and not bust out laughing. who knew their old man would be into guys? maybe he discreetly looks the guy up and down, trying to figure out what mick sees in him. not in a mean “he could do better” sort of way…but he’s definitely still confused. he knows he should think like this cause nikkis sure he himself isn’t gay but…he was kinda hoping if anyone was gay in the band, they’d go for someone in the band at least. he doesn’t want to share a space with some dude he doesn’t know. like, nikki would be the first one to suggest a polycule within the band only because he doesn’t want anyone else coming into the space he very carefully created.

- tommy would sort of grit his teeth but be as cordial as he could towards this guy. he would be jealous only because the attention he always got from mick would disappear and go into this new jackass he barely knows. he can hide behind the fact that he’s just so used to his old man’s affection and he doesn’t want to share it. he would have rather it been nikki. because, nothing would have changed! if mick had started dating nikki, then he’d get both the attention from his terror twin and his old man. they could be the parents he needed while on tour! (meanwhile he just wants both of them to…well what that is will be up to your imagination ofc!)

- vince would put on a fake smile and greet micks boyfriend like he was an old friend. it’s the best he can do for his old man. inside, however, he would be pretty jealous he’s not the only pretty face in the room anymore. he’d be surprised that mick had such good taste. then he’d be a bit depressed that in all the time he’d known mick, he hadn’t gotten to know him enough to not be surprised by this news. micks head nod of acknowledgement towards him were the only things keeping him afloat while on tour, but now he might not get them again because mick will be too preoccupied with his boyfriend…he can’t believe he’s starting to get jealous about this.

- none of the band want to acknowledge they’re jealous over micks boyfriend who they know nothing about. would they want to know anything about him?? maybe not…cause what if he has a cool job and was like extremely smart and cool and not as pathetic as they all felt.

- oh and maybe mick does ends up having a talk with all of them privately. now he’s officially coming out to them. of course, in the typical mick manner, he’s apologizing. he feels bad for not telling them, but he was a bit nervous they’d take it badly. (also let’s say, for this headcanon, he’d be either bisexual or pansexual…like he’s the type to not care about the gender of his lover, only that he likes them and they like him.) the rest of the band would reassure him that they weren’t mad at all and completely understood why he’d keep it to himself. they also assure him that they are 100% cool with him being gay and all that and they don’t mind it at all and that they still love him like a brother (maybe this line is said with gritted teeth and jealous undertones that mick never picks up on). they all hug and all that and then vince asks about his boyfriend.

- cue mick gushing about his lover, heart eyes and all, and everyone has to force smiles on their faces and coo over him. when the talks over the rest of the guys meet up and discuss this boyfriend some more, just talking in whispers. (“oooh he’s a bartender!! ofc he’d fall in love with a guy like that he’s always at the bar anyways.” Nikki would snark, the joke landing flat cause they all know he’s the most jealous and bitter. “Wooow he has curly hair and it’s so soft!! Uh, so is my hair!” Tommy adds in, running a hand through his own “luscious locks.”)

- they’re not going to try to break up micks relationship though. they see that the old man is happy, and that’s the way it should be. will they be holding a prayer circle to somehow manifest a breakup in the near future?? absolutely…but that’s the only thing they’ll be doing! if it doesn’t work, they’ll just sit in silence and watch their old man laugh loudly at whatever stupid joke his boyfriend just made, just stewing in their own jealous feelings. if it were to work (and lord knows they’re hoping it does), they’ll all be able to slink in and comfort their old man. pet him, hug him, let him cry on their shoulders. and trust nikki will be tearing that man into shreds the moment he gets a chance to.

oh how i love writing jealous crue. mick having a boyfriend who wasn’t a member of the crue would be so cute though…like yeah let’s give him a break from these dramatic bastards for a second! you know the band would be so passive aggressive towards that poor man though. mick would have to walk him through band politics and try to figure out why they’re being so hostile towards his lover. the question is, would he remain oblivious or would he finally figure it out. i have no clue…but mick is a pretty oblivious guy sometimes tbh. ok, I loved writing this one so I hope you all enjoy this one too!!

[marvelgirlstories]

Hi, I hope you like this one. I love the Holland Family so much. I did this one so that you were dating Tom, but if I should do it with another brother let me know. 💞😘

Meet the Fam

Tom Holland x reader

SFW

Warnings: None (I think)

You were nervous as you got into the car, waiting for Tom. Today was the day. You were meeting his family for the first time. Of course, you had met them before at premieres and events, but you only had a little conversation before you had to go do some interviews. Besides that was before you were dating. Tom got in the driver's seat. "Nervous?", he asked, taking your hand. "Yes.", you replied,"Very" "Don't worry. They will love you. Anyways you had already met Harry" "And? What about everyone else? ", you asked. "Hey, look at me.", he softly instructed. You did what he wanted. "They will love you and even if they don't, it won't change how much I love you! Ok?" "Ok.", you answered,"I love you" "Love you too"

After about half an hours drive, you finally pulled up on the drive. You felt like throwing up, a hundred different scenarios running through your head as you got out of the car. "You ready?", Tom asked. "Yeah", you answered, even though you felt the exact opposite. He took your hand and kissed your forehead before ringing the bell.

Nikki answered the door. "Hi. It's so nice to meet you. Tom has told me so much about you.", she said. "Thank you. It's so nice to meet you too.", you replied. "Come in. Can I just say, you look stunning.", she said as she lead you into the hall. You blushed at the compliment. "It good to see you again too mum.", Tom said jokingly. You both laughed at this. "Hi, sweetheart", she said as she pulled him in for a hug. Suddenly Dom appeared. "Hi Y/N, it's nice to see you in person for once" You laughed at this. "I could say the same", you replied. "Where are the boys?", Tom asked, wondering why they didn't come running to introduce themselves. "They are out playing golf. They weren't supposed to be this late, but they should be here soon.", Dom answered. "What! Golfing without me!", Tom said, acting annoyed. You laughed at this. "Anyways come into the living room", Nikki said,"Y/N would you like some tea?" "Yes, please", you answered as entered the pretty room.

Tom and you sat down on one sofa, Dom on the other. You started some small talk and Nikki brought in the tea. Suddenly a lot of noise was heard, coming from the hall. "Boys, leave your clubs outside", Dom shouted as he got up to make sure they have done that. They came in one by one. "Hey, boys!", Tom said,"this is Y/N" "It's nice to see you again.", Harry said,"This is Sam" "Hi!" "And I'm Paddy", Paddy added, eager to get a word in. "And you already know Harrison", Tom said. "It's nice to meet you all. How was golf?", you replied. "Yeah. Who won?", Tom wanted to know. "I did.", said Harrison.

"Lunch!", Nikki suddenly called from the kitchen. Tom took your hand and lead you into the dining room. Over lunch, you told them lots about yourself and they told you lots in return. You laughed a lot and they made you feel at ease.

When everyone was finished, you offered to help wash dishes but Nikki refused. So instead you, Tom, Harry, Sam and Paddy played the game of life. It took a really long time, because everyone had so much fun messing around, but no one cared. You were entertained every minute, they loved you just as Tom said and it made him proud, that you got along with your his family so well.

You stayed the whole day, before Tom finally said: "Well, I think we better go." "Yes. It was so nice to see you all", you added, seeing how he wanted to go. You and Tom stood up, giving hugs and saying goodbyes. That took a while, but you finally left with about half of the leftovers from lunch.

"See I told you.", Tom said when you were in the car. "I guess, you were right. Your family are really nice.", you replied. "Yes, and they loved you.", he added as he started the car. "Hmm", you said before taking his free hand. After about ten minutes, you fell asleep. Tom smiled. "God, I love you.", he said softly and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

I hope you like it! 💕I know I said I wanted to post Stole my heart Part 3 today, but I couldn't find the time to. It is summer holidays in Germany at the moment, so it's a bit harder to plan out the time. 🧡🧡🧡 I will try to get my shit together soon.

See you soon ♥️

Tags:

@felicitylemon @kandis-mom

[nevereverafter45]

Never Ever After|2| John Cena

I am finally getting around to updating and posting again, school and work have been kicking my ass. But here we go. Jaycee who is mentioned in this chapter is from Live Fast Die Beautiful and the daughter of Triple H and one point she is also engaged to John's best friend Randy Orton.

Alicia Fox tapped her finger impatiently on the back of her phone, Rhett's phone number was lit up on the screen along with a smiling picture of the two of them 2 years prior. Ever since she landed in Chicago she wanted to reach out to her and find out how she was doing.

She felt like an awful friend for not staying in contact but things changed. Rhett had changed, she had gone from this open, happy loving girl to this guarded, sad person. Someone who almost reminded those closest to her of her older brother Punk. It was disheartening to see how quickly she changed. And then one day she was just gone.

The apartment that she lived in Tampa was emptied and cleaned out and her phone number was changed and the only reason why she got the new one was that AJ Lee her sister-in-law had given it to her.

Saying that she needed a friend especially after they found out she was pregnant and going through everything alone. And she did reach out and try to be there for Rhett and for the baby, but she was jealous because she wanted a baby and wanted to do what Rhett was doing.

The vibrating of her phone shook her out of her thoughts, 'I was just going to call you." she said as a way of greeting her friend. "I must have read your mind then. I heard you have a title match tonight."

"I do. Anyway, I can talk you into coming down and watching it backstage?" She wasn't too hopeful, it was always an automatic rejection. "Sure, PJ is with April and Punk for the night anyways, it will do me good to get out of the house."

"Wait! Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Alicia was surprised, this was the last thing she ever thought Rhett would agree to it especially after how things ended with the WWE and her older brother.

"You know Punk doesn't control what I do. I left on my own accord and I can come back on my own accord. Besides I miss my friends."

"And John?"

Rhett was silent. She didn't want to admit out loud that she missed John, and that the feeling had gotten worse after she had seen him at Nat's place. She couldn't do it. "Nikki is going to be here though."

"I don't care Foxy, I really don't. Me wanting to be there has nothing to do with John or Nikki. He made his choice and I made mine."

"And being a single mom was it?"

"In this case, yes, there is nothing I wouldn't do for that little boy."

Alicia laughed softly, "I get it. I just can't believe you are a mom." "I couldn't believe it either. Not until he was one."

"Who are you talking to Fox?" Nikki Bella asked coming into the women's locker room, her twin sister Brie following behind her.

"Rhett." Nikki pulled a face, that was the last person she would have expected the former champion to be talking to.

"I will be there in about half an hour."

"Okay, call me when you get here and I will come meet you." Alicia said before hanging up her phone.

"I can't believe you are still talking to her."

"She is my friend. And she had no one after she left."

"Well, she deserves it."

"Deserves it? She deserved to get her heartbroken?" Natalya asked from where she was sitting, she had heard most of the conversation and couldn't help but add her two cents to it, "You only saw what you wanted to see with it Nik, Rhett, she really and truly loved John. And no offense but you kind of ruined it for her."

Nikki rolled her eyes, she didn't think that Rhett and John were that serious when they first met, given that he ended up marrying another woman and then cheating on her with her. She didn't regret what happened.

Not in the slightest.

She got what she wanted and she was happy about that. **

John came out of his private locker room to do an interview with Jaycee Helmsley and froze seeing Rhett standing between Alicia Fox and Nattie smiling.

A sight he hadn't seen in a long time and it actually warmed his heart seeing it. He didn't realize how much he missed her until he saw her earlier. His feet started leading them to the trio against his will, "Rhett."

"John." She returned a smile playing on her lips, "I brought some pictures of JP for you."

"Girl, what are you doing?" Alicia asked lowly in her ear. She lifted one shoulder up and dropped it quickly, she honestly didn't know what she was doing or what she was thinking grabbing those pictures.

Deep down she knew it was the right thing to do. He deserved to see his son and possibly have a relationship with him. She wasn't going to let her feeling stand in the way of them having a relationship.

"Go to my locker room, I have to do an interview real quick and we can talk about our son afterwards." The former Diva nodded her head the smile that had been playing on her lips broke out fully.

"Rhett, be careful." Nattie hissed, she knew it was going to be ugly if Nikki found out one about Rhett being in John's locker room alone with him and two that they had a son. Something that he had refused to even talk about with her.

"Always am."

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

[Dave Whamond]

* * * *

The Associated Press ran a story yesterday underscoring a facet of the presidential election that’s familiar to regular readers of the Editorial Board. While Donald Trump is popular with the Republican base, and while his nomination is all but assured, his weakness is increasingly on display.  

The former president has galvanized support in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Followers are “overwhelmingly white,” over 50 and without college degrees. But this, the AP said, is very different from the US electorate. “He’d have to appeal to a far more diverse group and possibly win over supporters of former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley.”

Not only must he expand the base, the base itself has gotten smaller. The AP: “A large portion of Trump’s opposition within the Republican primaries is comprised of voters who abandoned him before this year. … At least 2 in 10 of the voters in South Carolina’s Republican primary and the Iowa caucuses said they won’t back Trump in November, while approximately 3 in 10 in New Hampshire felt that way (my italics).

But the more he accepts Russian aid, the more Russian aid will change the Republican Party, making it unrecognizable to actual principled conservatives and ���that female independent suburban voter,” who are now leaving the party and making their way toward the Democrats.

Finally, there are the suburbs, “where the plurality of general election voters live,” the AP said. Voters there were not “particularly welcoming to him in this year’s GOP contests. He split the suburban vote with his opponents in Iowa and New Hampshire and won the suburbs in South Carolina by a smaller margin than in the state as a whole.”

This double trouble – the need for expanding the base even as it’s shrinking – has been understood among Republicans who are good at politics. (Trump is bad at politics.) This is why there’s a “growing chorus” of allies urging him to focus less on “grievances” and more on issues, or “hitting” Biden, to bring back GOP voters who’ve strayed.

But either he isn’t listening or he can’t help himself. (Actually, it’s both). Recently, Trump sat with Fox host Bret Baier, who asked: “What do you say to that female independent suburban voter to win her back?” Trump: “First of all, I won in 2020 by a lot. Let’s get that straight.”

While that clearly works with most Republicans, it doesn’t work with all, because, to these holdouts, it sounds like he’s “talking about being a victim,” as Haley said last week. “At no point has he ever talked about the American people. All he’s doing is talking about himself. And that’s the problem — it’s not about him. It’s about the American people.”

But even if Trump were to stick with campaign issues, like the “crisis at the border,” there’s a problem. He doesn’t care about them strongly enough to remain focused on them. He cares about defeating his enemies, to be sure, especially Joe Biden, whose administration is “victimizing” him. But actual problems? No. He doesn’t care. Problems are for exploiting to gain power to liquidate enemies, not for solving.

Republicans who are good at politics, and who are urging him to “pivot” to the general, also know who their party’s presumptive nominee is. He can’t adjust, won’t adjust. He’s running the same campaign in 2024 that he ran in 2016, only it’s a thousand times more dictatorial. Even when coaxed oh-so-gently into adjusting, Trump reverts to form. During a recent interview involving a question about government secrets found at Mar-a-Lago, Fox’s Sean Hannity suggested that he wouldn’t really commit crimes, would he? In essence, Trump said, ‘Sure, I would.’”

All the above is why Trump needs the Russians. His base is shrinking. He’s alienating “that female independent suburban voter.” He can’t adjust, won’t adjust. He doesn’t care about problems enough to solve them. All he can do – the one thing he’s good at – is hold steady while the Russians, in coordination with the Republicans, attack Joe Biden, smear him, wear his people down, “flood the zone with shit,” as advisor Steven Bannon once said, in a nihilistic act of “voter suppression.”

Indeed, as MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow pointed out recently, 2024 will be the third election cycle in a row in which Vladimir Putin’s saboteurs are once against attacking American sovereignty and interfering with our democratic decision-making, Meanwhile, GOP leaders will either stand by and watch it happen (as Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell did in 2016) or participate (as the House Republicans are now by pursuing an impeachment inquiry against the president, or as Joe Conason put it, by pursuing “a bogus case invented in Moscow.”)

[John Stoehr]

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Laid out cold, now we're both alone (part 2)

A/N: Hello, this fic is very important to me because I tried my best to give justice to such a cool idea and I hope I did a good job. Plus I don't do multichapter ofter, so this was a challenge. 

I wanna thank the lovely @livdonna for proofreading my work, you're literally the best <3. 

P.S. If you want to get tagged in the next chapters, let me know.

Summary: Nikki visits Mick to give him a very important task.

Warnings: Major Character Death,Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Use, Angst, Overdose.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee

Chapter 1

Taglist: @slashscowboyboots @witchytombstonesmile @arnold-layne @emometalhead​ @i-dont-like-rice​ @nikki-sexx​ @smokeandmirrorz​

Mick was supposed to not give a shit about Nikki. He and the stupid drummer had tormented him and his wife for months on ends, making the whole tour a living hell and he didn’t need to have even more things to worry about. So what if his bassist decided to get addicted to heroin? He was a fucking dumbass but it wasn’t his problem.  He would end up killing himself and it wasn’t like Mick could have done something, not when his whole body was torturing him.

The only problem was that he cared, deep down. He cared about the fucker and hearing the news that he was gone forever hit him.  He lost one of his friends and the band all together in a day, what would have happened? He hated to admit he was scared about the future, it was hard to imagine Motley Crue without Nikki.

He sighed, turning off yet another discussion about his death. They didn’t call him yet but something was telling him that they had to release a statement soon.  Doc was probably freaking out somewhere crying for all his millions of dollars lost.

“Fucking Nikki, you had to die at the worst moment, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… sorry about that, man” A voice incredibly similar to Nikki said, making Mick jump up.

Nikki didn’t feel anything, one moment they were in the ambulance and the other they were on the beach.  He was confused for a moment before he remembered that Mick had a beach house, and stared at it for a bit. He didn’t know much about the guitarist, maybe almost nothing but he respected him so much.  He was one of the strongest dudes he had ever met.

The weirdest thing about all of this was probably how he was only able to feel certain things, no cravings or sand under his feet as he was walking, yet he would still feel guilt, fear, love, worry… it didn’t make sense but he wasn’t in the mood to question the universe’s rules.

People can’t see you until you decide to show yourself. You have to remember or otherwise they can’t hear or see you.

The voice still freaked him out, but at the same time he was grateful for it to be there… it made him feel less alone, which was great considering how he felt lonely for his entire life.

“You’re not alone Nikki, I’ll always be there with you, through highs and lows”

“God it sounds like a marriage vow, T-Bone”

“Well if I could I’d marry now…”

He shook his head, trying to get the memory out.  It wasn’t the time to be sentimental and risk fucking everything up, so he walked ( more like flew) through the front door and found Mick sitting on the couch.

“Fucking Nikki, you had to die at the worst moment, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… sorry about that, man”. The bassist hoped that he was heard, otherwise it would have been pretty embarrassing.

Mick visibly jumped at hearing Nikki’s voice and quickly turned around to look at him.  From his widened eyes and confused expression, he knew he probably looked fucking transparent.

“Okay first of all why the hell are you here talking to me if you’re dead? Then why the fuck can I see myself through you ?”

The black haired man just realized that he had no idea how to explain everything and be believed, he just went along with whatever the voice in his head was saying, but now it was different. He fumbled with his hand and realized he couldn’t feel them, while he tried to come up with the best way to explain to his friend how he was a ghost and why he was there.

“I died… I have no idea how I came back but I have unfinished business and I need to talk to you!”

The guitarist looked at him up and down, clearly skeptical.  However, there wasn’t much arguing… Nikki’s ghost was literally standing in front of him.

“Okay I have no idea if this is a dream, I’m dead or in a coma, or simply I drank too much but now I’ll grab some vodka and you’ll spill your little secrets as you like”.

Nikki smiled a bit… He honestly felt normal for the first time since he was brought back.  Having Mick joking was so familiar, usually Tommy was the aim of his jokes and they all laughed because they were all so unexpected…

Tommy. Thinking about him still hurt, again he wondered if he was okay and how much he missed him… but it wasn’t his time now.  He had other things to talk about as Mick came back into the living room with his glass.

“Mick… you gotta promise me that you won’t let Motley Crue die, that you will fight to keep the band’s legacy.”

The older man looked at him surprised, rolling his eyes.

“Well that’s a bit hard when our bassist and songwriter died!”

Rage and resentment were heavy in his voice but there was more : fear and sadness. Nikki felt guilty and he fucking hated it, it was so unlike him but he couldn’t help it… Mick cared about the band as much as he did.  He always said the band was his life, before heroin came into the picture, but it was also Mick’s and he probably destroyed everything.

“You will find another one, another bassist who is also a songwriter…” The words felt so foreign coming from his mouth.  They even hurt a bit but they were necessary.

“I know you care about this band as much as I do, Mick. I know how much you’ve worked your ass off in shitty bands, trying to find the one that was going to break… I might be dead but Crue can’t have the same fate”.

Mick scoffed, taking a long sip of his vodka.

“It’s not easy, it’s not like we can find the perfect match like we did. Plus, everyone will probably hate him for replacing you!”

The frustration was almost tangible, but there was something else… Mick was scared, he knew everything was about to fade away because of Nikki’s actions, he was already looking at the boat sinking. Nikki started to panic because his band had to live, even in his death! It was pointless and selfish but that was the only thing people could remind him of.

“If you give up, then Vince and Tommy will do the same! I know that you think no one will take you, but the truth is they will. Crue is what it is because of our vision, you are part of it and I’m asking you to keep it going. Think of this as my dying man’s wish… even if I’m already dead”

The older man’s grip on his glass got tighter, his eyes lost in thought as he was pondering Nikki’s words. It was hard to take in, hell that was an understatement, it was fucking insane and probably wouldn’t work but the bassist needed to have this false hope.

“It’s so fucking weird, you know? To realize you’re fucking dead yet here talking to me.”

He was deflecting, Nikki knew it, but didn’t want to push it too far. He learned to know Mick, he kept his promises and he was a hard worker and with a good dose of luck and jokes, you got him to your side.

“Yeah, do you remember how I said you weren’t going to make it in that interview? Well, karma hits like a bitch!”

“Mick might not make it , he drinks a little too much and it looks rough” Mick quoted, trying to imitate Nikki’s voice.

“Yeah and then you said something like I heard what you said and you’re dead, fuck I guess you were right” He laughed but Mick didn’t.

Oh c’mon so what if he was joking about his death? It’s not like anyone really cared about him.  They just saw him as a burden, which he was. Not his mom, nor his band or his Tommy would have really missed him… they would eventually move on.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” He said annoyed but his lips formed a small smile.

“I know, I know. Mick… please promise me that. If Crue is going to end, then my whole life didn’t mean anything! Ple…” He stopped himself, he was so fucking close to begging but he couldn’t. Nikki Sixx didn’t fucking beg, not in life or death.

“I’m thinking about it!”

He really meant the first part. He spent all his teenage and adult years creating the band of his dreams and making sure they conquered the world.  This band was his escape; his attempt at redemption after his shitty childhood. Nobody loved Frank Feranna but he didn’t care, he would become Nikki Sixx and be super fucking famous!

He didn’t need anyone’s love, except that he did.

“ I love you, Nikki.”

“ No you don’t, nobody does, T-Bone”

“Well I fucking do. You gotta pass on my dead body before you’ll hear me not saying it over and over”

His heart might have stopped, but he still felt the big wave of nostalgia hitting him. He couldn’t do it, he would have never been ready to see him again.

“Okay, I will. But listen to me, it won’t be easy and I’m an old man with a fucked up back, so don’t send demons against me if I fail!” The little spark of determination in his eyes relaxed Nikki, he was on board.

“I fucking knew you were the best, Mars! If I wasn’t dead I’d probably tattoo your face on me as a thank you!”

“Oh gross, never say that again!” He pretended to be disgusted but his eyes betrayed him, the small softness in them told Nikki he felt touched.

“Who knows, maybe in hell they have tattoos for the ghosts. God we used to hate each other and now we are two peas in a pod.”

“I still hate you.”

“Ugh, you crushed my heart Mick”

The guitarist flipped him off, rolling his eyes. Nikki desperately wanted to keep talking, if he did then he could have pretended nothing changed, right? He didn’t have to face Vince and Tommy and go through the light… everything would have stayed the same or he could fool himself that it would.

I think it’s time to go to the next person.

The voice was demanding yet still calm. Nikki knew that he couldn’t stay forever, they had to prevent spirits from just lingering into the real world like that, it made him a bit angry but he understood it. It wasn’t like he could have done much anyway…He was just a shell of what he used to be.

“I gotta go Mick…” He wanted to punch himself because he sounded so fucking pathetic, but the other man gave him a compassionate smile.

What he fuck are you, a little small puppy? Oh look Frankie is scared to leave his illusion of a family.

Mick walked him to the other without saying anything, but before turning the handle, which was pointless because Nikki could have just passed through the door, he broke the silence.

“Try to give us some signs, okay? Show us that you’re there… but don’t you fucking dare spill my vodka or I’ll make you two times dead!”

“Oh that’s exactly what I’ll do, thanks for the suggestion!”

He stepped outside and looked at Mick one last time.

“You promised, alien. You gotta do it!”

“Yeah yeah, you better repay me when I come to join you there…” And with one last look, Mick closed the door.

Nikki felt all of the weight crushing down on his body, even if it was made of air. He simply stood still, his mind racing like a freight train, trying to take everything in but also getting ready for his next move… being overwhelmed was an understatement, he felt peeled down like an orange and this was only the beginning. He felt like a fucking coward but he just wanted to get over it, was it that bad to accept his fate and disappear without facing anyone?

You are going to abandon him again? You know why you need to talk to Vince, and you know this will be your last chance to see him, asshole!

He went to kick the sand, but he couldn’t touch it. God, how frustrating was that!

So where are we going next?

Nikki would have wanted to scream at him, give him the middle finger and just run away but it wouldn’t have been helpful, would it? So he forced himself to be as neutral as possible.

“Vince Neil. Take me to his house.”

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

My one and Only

Tom x Reader

A/N: another office inspired piece of writing. Hopefully this isn’t too bad. Let me know if you have any requests. As always feedback is appreciated.

Y/N’s POV

Ever since Tom has been working in london for his new movie we’ve been having trouble keeping up with our marriage. I’m not blaming him for the whole thing, but we have been off sync. It feels like i’m just on my own doing this. Since he’s been working on Far From Home, i've been home with the kids and doing all the kids stuff. I feel like I shouldn't be saying this because he does so much for me and i feel like I’m acting ungrateful. I know it would seem like we see each other all the time since he’s working in London, but we rarely do, he gets home late and leaves early, sometimes he doesn't even come home. The kids do question but they know their dad works hard for all of us. I still work too just that Tom wants me to stay with the kids since he isn't home at all, so at least they have one parent at home.

There has been times where we have our moments and they are great, but sometimes i feel unsure. We have talked about it and today we have couples counseling to work this out so we don't do something we will probably regret. I am pretty nervous, i don’t know how this is going to go. The kids are with Nikki and Dom since they know about what is going on and they want to help us out while we try to fix this.

---------

Tom’s POV

After the interviews and photoshoots i went home to pick up Y/n for our couples counseling. She told me she has been feeling some way, that she felt we were out of sync, to be honest i was feeling that too. I felt like we were drifting away, i didn't want to loose her, she is everything to me, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me and i’m not loosing her. She is the mother to my kids and she deserves way better. Sometimes i feel like she could be with someone else who is normal and is there for her..

As i got home i went inside to she if she was ready. I went upstairs to see if she was in the bathroom. I saw her laying on the bed and talking to Robert.

“Okay yes, i know, and honey i will talk to him and just blow him up. It’s his fault.” her dad said as she shook her head.

“Dad, it’s not just his fault, it’s mine to for not talking about my feelings and making our relationship even more harder to control.” she said which broke my heart. Her dad was right it is my fault, i’m never here for her when she needs me.

“Honey, he knew what he was getting into when he got together with you and then made little ones of you two. Where are those two angels anyway?” he said. God it is my fault completely. As i waited for the call to be done i headed there to at least talk to her and feel her happy presence again.

“Hi love,” i said as she turned around and smiled at me.

“Hi,” she said as she went in for a hug. It felt nice to feel her again. I missed it a lot. “Are you ready to go?” i asked as she nodded.

We then left to go to the office and just talk about us and to each other. As we got there we were lead into this room and the talking began with,

“So why do you guys think you're here?”

--------

A few days later

After our counselling we were left with some homework, we had to acknowledge and appreciate each other sacrifices and speak our truths when needed. And we call the things we don't want to do opportunities. I feel like it felt good to go to couples counseling. I felt a little more connected and i felt a lot better too when we do our homework. The kids are glad to see me and i try to be with them as much as possible. I’m also trying to be with y/n as much as possible. I almost lost her with not being with her, and i am not going to loose her again.

As we both made lunch i saw her smile. It felt nice to see her smile. It made me feel accomplished. But im not going to stop there. She needs me here. “So, tomorrow I have a day off and i want to take you and the kids out.” i said as she smiled. “Oh that will be fun, i appreciate and acknowledge that you went out of your way to plan to take us out tomorrow..” she said as she did the homework.

“Well, to speak my truth love it isn't out of my way because I feel like we needed to do something as a family and you all mean so much to me and i want to do something nice for you guys.” i said as she smiled again.

As we finished making lunch we set up the table and got ready to eat. As we talked about our days my phone rang and i saw it was work and answered it. “To speak my truth i would really appreciate it if you hung up because we were having a conversation.” she said as i quickly hung up.

“I appreciate your sacrifice.” she said a little sarcastically. “To speak my truth that was a little sarcastic and a little unfair.” i said glared at me softly.

“Really i've been putting the kids to bed all by myself for months and you had to miss one phone call. Is that your truth Tom, is that really your truth?” she said, but she had a point. “Alright, i will swallow my truth.” i said grinning and she smiled at me.

------

Afternoon

Y/n’s POV

Today Tom had some work to get done and i understood because these were his days when he worked. Before he left i was talking to my dad. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him everything was perfectly fine and we were doing perfect. He kept saying that he was going to kill Tom if he did something like that again, but i told him that it wasn't his fault and he is doing everything to make us happy while he is here and while he’s away and that the kids were also happy that Tom made enough time for them as well.

As i was putting a movie on for the kids i took the time to clean up before sam, harry and paddy came over to see the kids. Tom came downstairs from his office playing with the kids before he was leaving.

“Where are you going daddy?” Ethan asked. “I have to go work for Spider-Man buddy, please take care of your mom okay.” he said which made my heart warm up. “Yes daddy, i will.” he said. “Also please take care of Camila, alright.” he said and Ethan replied to his dad.

As i stood near the doorway Tom saw me and he stood up from where the kids were and he grabbed my hands. “Look love, i have to go and i’m sorry, but let’s keep doing what we are doing alright.” he said as i gave him a hug.

I knew he had to go and for good reasons. To live his dreams and so he can give us a good life. I appreciate everything he’s done for me and the kids. I love him way to much to loose him. He’s a great father to our kids and a great husband.

“It’s okay, i understand, and hey we wont be alone, your brothers are coming to hang with us for a while.” i said as he smiled “Okay love, i love you alright and i will try to be here around midnight alright?” he said as i nodded.

After he left his brothers arrived 15 minutes later. The kids were so excited to see their uncles. While the kids took Paddy upstairs to play Sam and Harry and i talked.

“Hey, have you seen the interview?” harry asked. “What interview?” i asked. “You don't know?” sam said.

“No I don't, what interview? You're scaring me.” i said. “Here i'll send it to you, but watch it later when the kids are asleep.” he said as he got his phone out and sent me the interview.

“Okay,” i said very confused..

Around 11o’clock they left to go home. Ethan and Camila were fast asleep, they had so much fun with their uncles. This happens every time they come over. I then grabbed my laptop and clicked on the link harry sent me. As it loaded Tom was having a drink or whatever and they continued.

“Here we have Tom holland also known as our friendly neighborhood spiderman.” the interviewer said. “Hello thanks for having me here mate.” tom said with a smile.

The interview consisted of him talking about the movie and things that happened during the film. It then got to a part where it talked about us. I saw the way his eyes lit up. It made me tear up a little bit.

“So how is Y/N taking all of this, you know being away must be hard.” the interviewer said. “Uh, well actually Y/N and I have been having some trouble being in sync. And it is hard because one parent at home with two kids is very difficult to handle.” he said. “There is a source here that says you two had and are continuing to go to couples therapy. Is that true?” he asked.

“Yes we did go and we are continuing to go. I was selfish. Y/N was always at home and i was never home not even for my kids. I've made so many mistakes that i just let fly over my shoulder but this one, i cant let it fly over. She’s my wife and i have to be there for her even when i cant. She’s my one and only.” he said.

“Ow, gosh.” i said as i was wiping away the tears. “Wow, that amazing. What would you tell her if she was here right now?” he asked him. “For one, Y/n i love you, you are amazing i don't know how you're still with me even after what i did. You are my soulmate, and im thankful for you. You're the first best thing that ever happened to me including the kids.” he said and the video ended.

I was crying at this point. He was too much but in a good way. I loved him so much. I then felt his presence next to me. I turned around and wiped my tears.

“You watched it.” he said walking over to me. “Yeah.” i said sighing looking down to the floor. “I meant every single word love,” he said as he held my hands and looked into my eyes. “You are my one and only.”

[oldschoolimagineblog]

INFAMOUS: p. 1 Meeting

→ Warnings: There is going to be mention of drug use and abuse, sex* (*girl on girl too), fights, name calling and a poly-relationship (kinda).

→ Tags: @anon-1112​ @m0n1cal3w1n5ky​

→ A/N: I hope you guys enjoy!! Any feedback is welcomed, if you wanna be tagged let me know!

1983

The Sunset Strip, what a wonderful place it was; filled with beautiful women with barely any clothes on and filled with drunk and dosed Rockstar's and common men. It was the place to go when your heart desired was to party and enjoy the view of women, hoping to be lucky and go home with one of them.  

And right now, nothing sounded better to Y/N than that; she knew how to get there, she´d seen some of band mates go in a few times, her legs felt like jelly and her body tricked her into thinking she was melting with every step she took now that the mdma had officially taken over her system, but once she walked into the club, eyes wide and a big smiled plastered over her face from all the women inside, she forgot about how she was melting just a few seconds before. 

But her heart jumped in her ears when she heard Razzle's´ laugh in the club, it was pure coincidence that she had found him there, and pure luck the fact that she heard him over the music, she scanned the room and spotted the blackhead quickly, he was sitting with some other men you couldn’t care to identify, so you made your way towards him.

When you were close enough, he spotted you walking by, and drunkenly he rose his hands up, like a child, when he´s excited over something and yelled your name which only made her chest feel heavy with joy,your senses too heightened so all the joy you usually felt when you saw Raz just became a thousand times more intense, everything was.

¨Darling come sit with us! I´ll introduce you to Motley fucking Crue! ¨ he yelled, by now everyone in the table was looking at you. The boys were all drunk or high, or both, but not even that took the shock from them when they saw you, all smiley and clearly high off something, since you were unable to stay still and on your forehead and arms a thin layer of sweat shined; still you looked just like in the magazines.  

You modelled on and off, it was never really your thing but you record label loved to make money off you, and although your main job was music, they liked to profit from your looks as much as they liked profiting from your voice. And although they were silent as you embraced Raz and pressed a kiss on his lips, they were all thinking the same thing how the fuck does Razzle know you.

You were everyone's dream girl, your career was at its highest point, everyone knew you and either wanted to be with you or be you, your music videos and interviews played through all MTV, your name was always on the papers and magazines along with photos, your music was on the radio; you were what the industry was all about.  

¨This is Y/N! Dear love of mine, this is Motley Crue, Mick, Vince, Tommy and Nikki¨ Raz introduced everyone and then sat down, leaving you space to join them at the table, and once settled you didn’t waste no time in excitingly saying hi to all of them, babbling on how you’ve seen them live a few times at the Whiskey and how you had a friend who was obsessed with them.  

¨You know what I'm curious to hear, the story of how you out of anyone stumbled into a strip club at this time at night¨ Nikki said to everyone, ¨Hopefully is not one of those stories in which you were just looking for you boyfriend here¨ he added drinking from his bottle of Jack.  

To which you laughed and explained, ¨Oh no, no. It was all casualty that Raz was here with you guys, by the way, we are not dating, but I was partying at another club and decided I wanted to come down to sunset strip and see some girls dance, the plans just changed when I saw you guys when I walked in¨  

¨You wanted to see girls dance? ¨ Vince jumped in, ¨Let´s go see some girls dance! ¨ he offered, ¨We never meant to ruin your plans anyway¨ Tommy said, everyone seemed to like the idea since they were all standing from his seats already, grabbing onto their drinks and cigs as they called for a girl to come along. So, you followed, naturally all the exciting washing over your body like waves.  

On a private room, all of you sat until a dancer came around and started playing some music, your leg was bouncing unable to stay still from the anxiousness it caused you to be there, but not the bad kind of anxiety, the excited-I-can´t-wait-for-this-to-happen one. Once the dancer began doing her thing, your eyes were glued to her, she moved and looked like a goddess, and although it was the extasy running through you, you wanted her, and she was quick to notice your lusty staring with your dilated pupils and she went in for a show.

Making her way to you until she was eventually straddling you, everyone's eyes were on you too, no one expected this to happen, but they were not angry about it, and all the boys were too high and drunk to even bother to talk.  

The dancer unclasped her bra and slid it down her shoulders, revealing her breasts to everyone, then she started to play with the hem of your shirt until eventually she took your top off, leaving you in a bra, she never stopped dancing to the music while she did that, her hips were moving and she pulled your hands to her breasts, and you wasted to time in grouping her, eventually not caring about the boys in the room and kissing and sucking on her nipples.

¨Raz man, if she isn´t your girlfriend then you wouldn't mind us joining in on her fun, right? ¨ Nikki asked, ¨She surely isn't my girlfriend mate, she's my wife, but I don’t think she would want anyone to join in her fun right now¨ Razzle laughed, quickly glancing at Nikki as he spoke.  

¨You´re married? How is this not public? ¨ Mick asked, he had completely zoned out of your and the dancer, and just as the topic was beginning to get the attention of everyone, including you, the dancer finished up her routine, picked her tips and left.  

¨My manager doesn´t want the story to go public, since we got drunk married in Vegas¨ you explained, ¨Pretty much, and getting it annulled would bring unwanted attention on the subject¨ Razzle added.  

¨So you guys are together? ¨ Nikki asked trying to get the story straight.  

To which you and Raz shrugged, ¨I wouldn’t say we´re together¨ he explained.  

¨Yeah, we´re not strictly together, but we do go out sometimes¨ you said

¨So you have and open marriage? ¨ Mick asked, trying to put it in simple words,  

You and Raz and looked at each and nodded, truth was you guys never really talked about what your relationship was all about, surely you felt something for Raz, he has showed you love and support like no one, and you felt the same way towards him, but you were too young to commit, he was two years older than you, and you had just turned 21 a few weeks ago, exactly why you had decided to celebrate with Hanoi Rocks in Vegas.

You’ve met Hanoi Rocks when your manager introduced you to them, they had just arrived from Finland and your label was helping them breakthrough in America, and you all clicked as soon as you started speaking. So, on the weekend of your birthday you surprised with tickets and reservations for Vegas to celebrate, and they were all in.  

However, things did get a little out of hand, and although it was not your first-time drinking, you all got a little too carried away and lost control in the middle of the partying, and somehow you went from strangers buying you and the guys drinks at a bar to someone's penthouse getting body shots from beautiful women and having everyone on Hanoi Rocks do coke on your ass.

And with a few lines and drinks on your system you grew a little closer to Razzle, his hands were on your body the whole night, dancing and drinking, kissing your everywhere, and things escaladed quickly, it was in a matter of hours that you two were in one of the bedrooms, tearing each other's clothing off, touching and rubbing on each other, making love promises.

And it was at that moment when Raz thought about marriage, and so he asked you to marry him, all while kissing down your body while you were under him, looking at you in between your thighs, your panties were long gone, and you said yes, you assured him you wanted to marry him; and suggested how all the partying you were doing was now your joined bachelor party.

And it took no time for him to attach his lips to your aching core, already dripping from all the foreplay you had done before hand, his tongue was all over your clit, sucking and flickering, while his hands were skilled on your core, sliding in and out, waves of pleasure coming through you as you melted under his touch, your hands were tight on his hair pushing closer to you as you moaned out his name, begging for him not to stop as you felt yourself about to finish all over his face, which you did shortly after, and he licked you clean, you were quick to want more from him, ready to get him inside of you when he stopped you.  

¨This can wait sugar, I just wanted to show you a preview of our wedding night¨ he kissed you, ¨Then what are we waiting for Raz? let's go get married! ¨ you said getting off him, ¨get dressed! Let's go to a chapel! You said, to which he listened, quickly getting his clothes on.  

The ceremony was short and fun, some guy dressed as Elvis married you two while his band was his best men and some girl you found at the party agreed to be you maid of honor. And in your vows, you promised to love and care for each other until the day came one of you part into another life.  

Once you came back to California with the band, and the drugs and booze had worn down, you and Raz were kind of freaking about you and him being married, you had both agreed on the fact that most of what was said was all under the influence and although he was clear on the fact that he did find you fascinating, maybe marriage was a little too soon for you both, to which you agreed, you guys needed to get to know each other a little more, and just as you and him were talking about getting your marriage annulled, your manager heard you talk and he almost lost his shit.

He couldn’t have your reputation be questioned after a weekend of hard drugs and a marriage where you were the bride! So, he brought Hanoi Rocks manager, and it was quickly decided that to keep the bad press away, you were to stay married until they found a way to annul it without it been a big story so both you and is band would be free of any drama and bad reputation.  

Once you and Raz had told the boys the story of what happened between you two, they understood your relationship a little more, although a lot of questions came from it.  

¨So if he fucks another girl you wouldn’t care? ¨  

¨No Tommy¨

¨What about if he gets another girlfriend? Would you be angry then? ¨

¨No Tommy, I just want to see Raz happy¨

¨Raz and would you care if she fucked some other dude? ¨

¨As long as she is into it, I'm good Nikki¨

Soon enough you were all crashing at Motleys two-bedroom apartment, it was one of those weird night in which all the boys came home together, not leaving early with some chick or crashing at someone else's house instead of theirs.

The sunlight was starting to shine through the city since you decided to walk to their apartment, and once in, everyone kind of just scattered around, they offered some of their clothes for you to sleep in with, and by the time you came out of the bathroom in Nicki's shirt and Mick´s boxer everyone was already passed out, so you followed their lead and walked around looking for somewhere comfortable to pass out too, and ended up finding Nikki asleep in a bed with plenty of space for the two to sleep in.  

The only thing he managed to take off was his shirt, his boots and pants were still on, so carefully you took his shoes off, and you made your way to the other side of the bed. You didn´t want to wake him up, not that you thought was possible though, the nights drinking and drug using was enough to tire anyone, and they were already in the club when you arrived, god knows since when they had been sitting in that table. You laid next to him; he was on top of the covers so you were hoping on it not being a cold morning so you could sleep peacefully.  

[peterparkerspooderman]

Protective Tessa

Summary: Tom and You come back from touring the world only to come back to a weird acting Tessa

Warning: None

A/N: I hope you lovelies enjoy it. 😊 

MASTERLIST

You and Tom have been touring around the world for the Spider-Man: Far From Home interviews. It was an amazing experience traveling the world and spending it with someone you love. You, unfortunately, weren't feeling well during the last leg of the tour. Tom wanted to back out seeing his family before going home but you tell him it’s fine and that he should see his family after being away for so long.

The plane landed in London and you and Tom quickly gathered your bags and were off to Tom’s family. Tom rang the doorbell. His mother, Nikki, opened the door to be greeted by her son. A smile appeared on her face, illuminating her features. She embraces him in a tight hug before moving on to you.

“Tommy, (Y/N), come in come in.” She says excitedly, gesturing her hands into her house.

You walk in and are greeted by a very excited Tessa. Tom falls to his knees as starts playing with her. She licks Tom’s face excitedly. She comes in front of you and starts sniffing your pants. Thinking she must be picking up the smells from the airport. She sits in front of you calmly and waits for you to pet her. This is odd considering we were full of excitement with Tom.

Tom and you walk to the kitchen to see the rest of the family, Tessa following close behind. You greet the brothers and Dom with a smile and a wave instead of your usual hugs, due to you feeling very nauseous.

“Are you okay, darling?” Dom asks, noticing your weird behaviour.

“She has been feeling a little unwell recently,” Tom answers for you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Oh dear, let me make you some black tea, why don’t you take a seat there, love,” Nikki says, gesturing to the chairs by the kitchen island.

You thank her before you take a seat, Tom taking the seat next to him. Not long after you feel teases head lay on your lap. This took you by surprise because this doesn't happen normally but you pet her head anyway.

“Do you think Tessa’s acting strange?” You whisper to Tom.

“I think she just missed you, she loves you a lot you know,” Tom says, you don’t believe him, somethings definitely up with her.  

“So what’s been up with you (Y/N)?” Harry asks, standing across from you.

“I’ve been feeling very ill. Nothing I eat agrees with me, my body ends up getting rid of it.” You explain. Harry nods understandingly

“If you’re feeling so ill, why are you here and not home?” Sam interjects, standing next to Harry.

“Tom hasn’t seen you guys in a long while, it would be fair on him.” You explain. Nikki delivers you your tea, you thank her again. She smiles back in response.

“That’s grossly sweet,” Harry says, mockingly gagging.

“She’s very sweet,” Tom says, smiling at you. He moves his hand and places it on your thigh, giving it a small squeeze.

Tessa growls at his hand and tries to bite it. Tom rips his hand away in shock. Everyone else is shocked because Tessa doesn't bite at anyone, let alone her owner.

“Wow, what’s up with her?” Harry says, eyes wide.

“I have no idea.” You say, you slowly place your own hand on your thigh, scared she’s going to bite it but she gives it a small lick. Everyone seems to shrug it off and starts talking to Tom about his tour.

You, Tom and his family have moved to sitting outside. Tessa curled u[ by your feet. You talk about the traveling, the interviews, and the sightseeing. You end up finishing your tea in the process. You start feeling the nausea wave approaching.

“If you all will excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me laying down on the couch?” You ask, directing your question towards Nikki and Dom.

“Of course not dear, make yourself comfortable,” Nikki responds, concern evident on her face.

You get up to leave but are stopped by Tom’s hand on your wrist.

“Are you okay, baby?” He asks gently. You give him a small smile.

“Yeah, I just need to lie down for a bit.” You say. Tom nods his head before letting your wrist go.

You walk into the kitchen to place your mug in the sink, Tessa close behind you. You walk to the living room and plop your self on the couch. You make yourself comfortable and take off your shoes. Tessa sits down next to you on the floor.

A few seconds go by when you hear Tessa whining and putting her paw on your leg.

“Oh alright.” You say before removing one of the couch cushions to make space for her by your legs. She hops up and lays down, her head on your stomach.

You start to doze off after a while, Tessa already fast asleep when you hear quiet footsteps enter the room. Your eyes flutter open to see Tom approaching you with a gentle smile. You smile lazily in response.

“Hey, babe, how you feeling?” He whispers. He sits down next to your legs, shaking Tessa a but still asleep.

“I’m feeling better, just a little sleepy after the tea.” You yawn the last bit, stroking his arm gently. He leans down to give you a kiss but it was rudely interrupted by Tessa barking and growling at Tom. Tom flies back and is on his feet in a second. You sit up harshly. Tessa’s body in between you and Tom

“Tessa, what’s up with you?” Tom asks, his eyes wide. Not long after Tom’s family come rushing in, worried as to what Tessa was barking about.

“What’s going on here?” Nikki questions, her expression wild.

“Tessa’s acting weird. She won’t let anyone near me.” You explain. Tessa still protectively in front of you.

“That’s so odd.”

“She’s not normally like this.”

“What’s going on with her.”

“(Y/N), is your period late?”

The last question came to a shock to you when Nikki said it. Everyone’s silent.

“I don’t know. It’s been so busy that I didn’t notice. Why?” You ask, finding the question quite strange.

“Because a friend of mine, her dog wouldn’t let anyone near her, even her own husband and that was how they found out that she was pregnant,” Nikki explains.

“Pregnant? I can’t be.” You say quickly, looking over at Tom’s concerned face.

“Well, it doesn't to check.” Harry pipes up.

“I have a test under the sink, it doesn't hurt to keep one in the house. I still have one leftover from when I was pregnant with Paddy.” Nikki reveals.

“Thank you, Nikki.” You say before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

You follow all the instructions on the packaging and wait for the timer on your phone to beep. After what feels like an hour, the timer goes off. You shakily pick up the test, your stomach turning nervously in your gut.

2 lines.

2. Bold. Lines

It can’t be. I’m not ready to be a mother, am I? This will ruin Tom’s career.  Oh no, what is Tom going to think? Thoughts start swirling around your head. Each one making you more panicked. A knock on the door brings you back to reality.

“Baby? Are you okay?” You hear Toms soft voice on the other side of the door.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Your voice fails you, only croaks come out.

You open the door with the test in your hands. You walk out to see everyone watching you nervously.

“I’m pregnant.”

The two words erupted tears from Nikki, plastered a big smile on Dom's face, made the twins and Paddy cheer in happiness. Though the only reaction you cared about right now is Tom’s. You look over to see a few tears escape Tom’s eyes.

“Tom-“

“I’m going to be a dad.” He says, taking you by surprise.

“What?” You voice your shock.

“I’m going to be a dad!” Tom shouts, a wide smile on his face. Before you could process anything he lifts you up in his arms. Your legs wrapping around his waist.

“You’re happy? You ask him.

“Of course I am. I know it’s a bit sooner than we expected but it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.” Tom says, his voice raw with emotion. You plant a big kiss on his lips. You’re so happy to be apart of this family.

You could never have thanked Tessa enough for almost biting Tom.

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Family Tour

Trust Universe!

Pairing: Mick Mars X Reader

Summary: The whole Crüe family goes on tour along with Guns N Roses. (Y/N) has been hiding some secret and is about to explode.

"Babe, have you already packed the medicines in the bag?" Mick yelled from the bedroom.

"Yeah, it's in the side of the green one!" You yelled back from the kitchen.

"Mommy, when can I already eat?" Zoe asked sitting on the counter. She was licking the remaining chocolate from the bowl. She had chocolate all over her face but she didn't notice it.

"Hey, don't waste chocolate!" You said cleaning her cheeks and mouth with a wet towel. "Anyway, do you want to bring some cake for Neil and Elizabeth, too?"

"Yes, I will show them how good I can bake!" Zoe had a proud smile on her little face.

"Hmmm. What smells so good?" Mick asked approaching you and your daughter. He leaned on the counter with his back beside Zoe.

"Chocolate cake!" She yelled putting her hands in the air.

"Really? I love chocolate cake." Mick said. You smirked and looked in the oven to check it.

"Okay, it still needs some time so we can go back and finish packing some clothes for the tour if you want." You said while trying to take down your apron. Mick turned you around and helped you untie the knot. When he was ready he pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder.

"Ewww," Zoe said covering her eyes with her hands. Mick chuckled and you couldn't help but smile, too.

∆

"Neil, look!" Elizabeth yelled to his brother on the swing when you and Zoe arrived at the playground. When you let her hand go she ran to her friends while you took a seat beside Vince on the bench.

"How many times has Mick already complaint that he doesn't want to go on tour?" He asked smirking.

"Umm, one complain per hour normally. If he feels bad, two or three."

"That's quite good."

"Could be worse." You laughed.

"Mommy, mommy, can we have that cake?" Zoe asked running towards you and Vince along with Elizabeth and Neil.

"What kind of cake?" Vince raised an eyebrow.

"Chocolate!" Zoe yelled rubbing her belly.

"Zoe did it by herself so if you don't like it I wouldn't say it out loud." You said opening the box and handing one slice for everyone. The children went back to their usual spot while you and Vince just watched them play and live their lives.

"Can I have one, too?" John asked standing right behind your bench making you jump.

"Man, you scared the shit out of me! You could at least cough before you speak, damn." Vince snapped turning back to the man and glaring at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." He held his hands up in defense.

"I think I should go." Vince standing up from the bench. "If you need anything, I will be nearby." He winked and left while John sat down beside you.

"She has grown so much." John sighed looking at his daughter with pure love in his eyes. That was the only thing that made you sure he wasn't a monster. He was capable of love.

"Yeah." You admitted smiling at Zoe who was fighting with a stick with Neil.

"Anyway, why did you wanted to meet? What can't wait until Saturday?" He asked turning to you. You bit down your lip, you knew he would be mad. To be honest, you would be, too. You hated him, though he was the father of your daughter so he needed to know about this.

"You know, their new album came out a few months ago..."

"I know about that. So what?"

"They need to promote it. And Doc and I have already planned a whole tour for the guys. And not just in the US but overseas, too." You played with the box of the cake. You looked at John, who still didn't understand what this affect him. 

"So this means, that I had to follow the band since I'm the co-manager."

"Got it. So that means Zoe will stay with me the whole time?" John asked with high hopes. You took a deep breath and shook your head. The smile from John's face disappeared. "No. No way you are taking her with you! She is barely 5 years old!" Vince lift his head and glanced at you. He put Neil down from his shoulders and headed towards you fearing John might be do something he shouldn't.

"I know. And I completely understand that. But I need her. I am her mother and the full custody is mine."

"You don't need to remind me, I'm aware of that." He growled but he didn't shout. Luckily, those treatments were successful in some way.

"Is there a problem?" Vinnie asked crossing his arms, looking at John then at you.

"There is. She wants to take away my daughter." He spit.

"But not for the long-term! Just a tour." You murmured realizing the tour will last at least six months.

"How long?" John was desperate. The only positive thing in his life was Zoe and he didn't want to lose her.

"Six months." You admitted fearing his reaction. "The USA, Canada, and some in Japan."

"Japan? What the hell?" He placed his head in his palms.

"Look, man..." Vinnie said fully knowing the situation. He didn't see his children for half a year either. "If you really want to see her you can anytime. (Y/N) didn't prohibit for you to see her, just told you the situation." Vince surprised you. He was never fond of John but treating him like this was a new thing.

"Really?" John had tears in his eyes. You felt a bit of sympathy for him.

"Yes. And I think I can arrange a backstage pass, too so you can meet her there until Doc and I take care of things."

"That would be great. Thank you. And don't worry, I won't be present on the whole just once a week or less." John smiled.

"Luckily," Vince said making you chuckle.

∆

Now that you discussed everything with John, you didn't have to worry about him. Though, there were a few things that bothered you. First of all, Nikki and his new girlfriend, Vanity. You met her a few times during these get-togethers but you didn't like her face and her attitude. Not to mention the drugs. Nikki already had some problems and, bringing it back to his life made you angry. You didn't want her to ruin his life and the tour also.

There were some positive things. Heather also came along with Tommy so you would have some company. You and she had many things in common and she adored your daughter. Beth hesitated to let Neil and Elizabeth go with him, but you made sure nothing bad will happen and that you will treat them as Zoe so finally she gave in. This way, Zoe wouldn't be alone either.

You were sitting in the living room already with your luggage and were waiting for the tour bus to come.

"They said they will come at 9." Mick murmured looking at the clock which showed 10:30.

"I know. And I will give them a piece of my mind." You said cuddling closer to Mick sitting on the couch. You barely slept at night so you were quite exhausted.

"Babe. Babe, (Y/N). The bus is here." Mick said softly. You didn't even realize you drifted into sleep. You rubbed your eyes and sat up from Mick's lap.

"Daddy, daddy, Uncle Tommy, and Nikki are here!" Zoe said running towards Mick. She took the guitarist's hand and pulled him up from the couch. "Let's go and say hi to them. This bus looks so big."

"Alright, let's greet them, angel."

When you became aware of your existence you started to gather all the luggage and bring them closer to the door. Mick had some problems with his back recently and you didn't want him to struggle.

"Hey, (Y/N)! Why didn't you come to the bus and say hello? You are rude." Tommy said when he entered the house.

"Can you just shut up and help me?" You snapped trying to lift one of the bags.

"Good morning, (Y/N). Sorry for being late. We just had some issues with the bus but we are here and everything is okay." Doc appeared, too, and took the bag from your shoulder.

"No problem and thank you." You looked into every room in the house to check if everything was okay before locking the door and giving one last look at the house. Mick stepped behind you and placed his hands on your waist.

"Are you ready?" He asked kissing your shoulder.

"Yeah."

∆

"I can't believe they still aren't ready!" You sighed waiting in front of Vince's house. It was arranged two hours earlier.

"At least the kids have fun," Mick said looking at Neil, Elizabeth, and Zoe playing around in the garden with Tommy and Nikki. They played hide and seek, and Tommy was the one who needed to find the others. Well, he didn't manage to. You can see everything from the bus and occasionally laughed when he failed.

"Finally!" Doc sighed when Vince and Sharise appeared. When they got on the bus Vinnie waved at you.

"Hey!" He smirked when he placed himself on the one remaining place next to you on the couch.

"Trouble in paradise?" Mick asked noticing Sharise's facial expression who went to the back of the bus without saying hello to you. You hoped she will leave the tour within a week.

"You know, you didn't have to waste time having sex when you will be together on the whole fucking tour!" You ranted.

"Woah, someone needs to get laid," Vince added smiling, earning a hit from Mick after you got up and gathered the children.

∆

The route to the hotel was a bit calmer than you thought. Zoe and Mick were sleeping on the couch next to each other which melted your heart seeing them like this. Tommy and Nikki with Heather and Sharise were talking about Tommy's spinning cage, Vince and Sharise were in the back.

"I don't think they will be happy about this interview. Are you sure about it?" You asked Doc when you were discussing things about the tour.

"They don't like interviews at all. So this will be no different."

"Maybe Whitesnake could do that interview, no?" You asked Doc. "Or Guns N Roses?"

"Why not all the three of them?"

"Cause World War III would break out." You said with an odd look.

"Alright. Then GNR will give the interview and the boys will decide if they want it or not." Doc offered which you agreed with totally. "Now, enough of work. What's up?" Doc asked putting aside his papers and leaning back on the seat.

"Well, not much, Doc. Life goes on. The boys have a lot of fans so I don't think we will have a problem."

"I was asking about you, (Y/N). Not the boys." Doc said tilting his head.

"What should I say? Zoe, Mick and I are okay, we have a pretty good and adventurous life. I love my family and I love my job."

"Good to hear." You somehow relieved that Doc didn't ask more. "But I see something is bothering you. What is it? Is it John?" Damn, this man.

"You can be as annoying as the band sometimes, you know that, right? Hell yes. I can't get that man out of my head." You said. Mick woke up a couple of minutes ago and he heard every word you changed with Doc. He smiled when you mentioned him and your life but the slight smile faded when John was in the picture again. He hated that man with his whole heart for hurting you like this. "I-I keep seeing this picture in my head that whenever I'm not around Zoe he somehow tries to steal her from me." You were rubbing your arm with your other hand to comfort yourself. That man gave you a headache whenever you met him and all the bad memories came up. You tried to avoid him as you could but it was still hard to be around him.

"I see. Well, I could arrange someone, a guard to keep an eye on her and I'm sure the others willingly help you monitor her. Everyone loves her and they wouldn't let anything bad to happen to her." He placed his hand on your thigh and squeezed it. "I and I think everyone admires you, especially Mick, to let that bastard see your daughter frequently. Not many mothers would let that."

"Thanks, Doc. It means me a lot."

Maybe you were just going crazy for thinking that. He wouldn't kidnap Zoe, would he? If he did that, he would go to jail for a very long time so he wouldn't be able to see his daughter.

"Anytime, kid. Now, go and rest a bit until this madness begins."

∆

When you arrived at the hotel you and Doc headed to the receptionist to discuss the details and got the keys.

"Alright, Everyone!" You yelled when no one listened to you. You were beside the bus and everybody was dealing with their luggage. "Hey, listen! I have already told you that certain people will bring up the baggage, damn. Tommy, put that down!" You threatened the drummer who immediately dropped the bag down. "Thanks. So Heather this is yours, and Vinnie room 10 is yours with Sharise. Nikki, your room is just beside Heather's..."

"Yeah, man!" Nikki high-fived with his Terror Twin. Maybe it wasn't the best idea. After you handed out the keys and everyone went inside Mick approached you. Zoe went along with Neil and Elizabeth to look around. He stood in front of you and cupped your face.

"You are doing great." He pecked your lips and pulled you in a hug. He was rubbing your back while you rested your chin on his shoulder. "You are the best co-manager we could get." You can't help but smile.

"I'm trying my best, but I'm afraid Tommy, Vince, and Nikki won't be so helpful." Mick chuckled.

"I will help you make them listen to you," Mick promised, taking your hand and walking in the hotel. It wasn't a five-star hotel but it was decent and nice. Decent until Mötley Crüe arrived. At the reception, you already apologized for the trouble so you hoped they will handle things easier.

"Mommy, look there are a playground and a pool, too." Zoe cheered. She ran to you and you picked her up and let her show you the mentioned places.

"Oh, wow. Now you can play as much as you want, honey."

"I want to play with you, mommy!" She hugged you tightly.

"I know, Zoe but there are a few other things I need to take care of. I need to give the keys to Axl, Slash, Steven, Duff, and Izzy, too. As I heard they have just arrived." You sighed seeing your daughter pouting.

"Alright, but be sure they will be around soon so I could play with Steven!" She said while you put down her.

"I promise." You places a soft kiss on her cheek and headed back to the entrance of the hotel. Mick hummed watching you go before taking Zoe's hand and letting her pull him closer to the playground.

When you arrived at the bus the band were already talking next to the bus. They were much quieter than the Crüe and immediately looked at you when you greeted them.

"Sorry, (Y/N) for being behind a bit. Steven had some problems with the journey and we had to stop a lot." Izzy apologized.

"We arrived not too long ago so no problem. And are you okay now, Steven?" You looked at the drummer who was still pale.

"Yeah. Well, better than before." Slash patter his back to lighten him up. "This isn't helping, Slash."

"You still have two days before the concerts so you can recover until then. There are many possibilities to leisure here, I have already looked around."

"It's quite a big hotel. What if I get lost?" Steven asked.

"Don't worry, Popcorn. We will keep an eye on you." Duff said with a smirk.

"Anyway, (Y/N), would you be so kind and give us a tour of the hotel?" Axl asked. You weren't used to this kind manner with the other band. Alright, sometimes they could be knights, too.

"Of course. Oh, and Zoe wanted to make sure that you will greet and play with her. She mentioned that she wants to play with you, Steven but don't worry I will tell her that you aren't feeling well." You winked and handed out the keys to their rooms.

"Steven!" Zoe rushed to the drummer but you stopped her before she could jump on him.

"Zoe, not so fast. He isn't too well so be gentle, alright? Don't play Slave and Queen with him. The Slave can be played by anyone else, except Mick and him." You smirked glancing at the band.

"Alright, then I will escort him into his room and take care of him." She took the drummer's hand and headed to Steven's room.

"I can wait until she will be 18," Axl said. You hit him in the arm glaring at him. "Just kidding. No need to kill me."

"You deserved it, man," Slash said making you laugh. Mick was watching you with a jealous look. You always looked so happy with them and rarely with the Crüe. He stood up from the bench and approached you.

"Hey, Mick." Duff greeted the guitarist.

"Hey, man." He muttered. Slash and Axl nodded to him as a greeting while Mick shook hands with Izzy. Izzy was the only one who he kinda liked. "Sorry guys, but I need to steal (Y/N)." You made a face not understanding his problem. After you said goodbye, Mick was literally dragging you towards the lift.

"What is wrong with you?" You asked freeing your arm from his grip. "Mick, why are you acting like this?"

"Not here." He could only say this. You huffed but stepped in the elevator next to him but tried to stand as far as possible. You didn't like him when he was this angry and overwhelming. You opened the door and happily saw your luggage has already been brought up.

"So, what is it?" You asked crossing your arms. Mick counted to ten not to say something he might regret.

"Why can't you just relax? And be with us? Zoe and me?"

"I'm sorry?"

"At the moment you heard the guys arrived you dropped down Zoe and rushed to them. Whereas they could wait a bit and I can't see why Doc couldn't greet them."

"Are you jealous or what? Cause I don't see your reason for that."

"What? No! I'm just angry that why aren't you honest with me. Why are you locking up things in yourself whereas I'm your husband, no?"

"I don't understand a word." Why can't he and Doc leave you alone and let you do your job?

"I heard your talk with Doc on the bus." He stepped closer and took your hand into his. "Why didn't you tell me that John is bothering you? I could've talked to him not to come or I don't know."

"You don't understand it. I can't reject him seeing his daughter. I don't have the right."

"But you have it, (Y/N)! You have the full custody for fuck's sake!" He was gripping your hand way too harsh now. "Why can't you let that person just disappear from your life? He hurt you so much and you still let him do that. I think we could discuss it with Zoe. She is so smart and I'm sure she would understand it." Mick said softly. He rested his forehead on yours while rubbing your arms. You felt the tears running down your cheek which Mick noticed and wiped them away with his thumb. You closed your eyes and took a shaky breath.

"I know. It's just so hard." You whimpered.

"But I'm here for you, (Y/N)! You are my wife and I would do anything for you. Even it includes killing."

"Mick!"

"Alrighty, no killing. But I support you in everything and you can tell me whatever is going on in your pretty head. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and do things from the beginning. From the very beginning."To be continued...

∆

Next Part

Tags: @leatherandheels @littlemisscare-all @karrotkate ❤️

[onestowatch]

Lynn Gunn’s Honest Portrayal of PVRIS’ Past, Present and Future Plus Details on New LP ‘Use Me’ [Q&A]

Did you know that quicksand cannot really sink your entire body? Hollywood renditions of this frightening occurrence showcase “Indiana Jones” type heroes desperately reaching for a branch or a vine to evade being swallowed whole by the muddy foe. In real life, however, quicksand is much denser than the human body–namely your torso and lungs. So, although you may sink to some degree, you’ll only be engulfed to about your torso region. That being said, to escape the hold of this mucky captor, you’re called to utilize, not a vine or a stick, but a natural aspect of yourself–in this case, the buoyancy of your torso and lungs. Doing so allows you to adjust your positioning so that you are on your back and are therefore more easily able to free your legs and eventually, yourself.

During moments of crisis such as this, it is not often that we think to use what comes most natural to us in order to overcome difficulties. However, as PVRIS frontwomxn Lynn Gunn discovered, tuning into your natural inclinations can be exactly what sets you free.

After battling debilitating health issues, anxieties, and multiple album delays, the refreshingly new album Use Me is here, and it has the empowered LGBTQIA+ artist plastered all over it. From the distinctively raw lyrics, impassioned vocals, dexterous commixture of that classic PVRIS Alternative Rock and new-aged Glitch-pop, and even a 070 Shake feature, this new album is taking everything we thought we knew about PVRIS to much higher heights. Use Me serves as the first release since Gunn followed her heart and came forward as the sole architect behind PVRIS back in March. After listening to all 40 emotion-inducing minutes of this cinematic project, it becomes clear that Use Me is so much more than an album, it is an unapologetic reclamation of power.

We were able to speak with Lynn Gunn before the release of the album and gather her perspective on this new era of creativity, utilizing her natural abilities for this new project, and even on supporting social justice causes.

All quicksand jokes aside, sink into this interview with Lynn Gunn below:

Ones to Watch: Although you’ve been making music for quite some time, this new era seems to be of a new bloom, not only for PVRIS, but for you. As you have stated, PVRIS is still very much a collective, but you have decided to shed the skin of “band culture” and from it emerge as the sole vocalist, lyricists, and creative director of PVRIS. How has that transition been on you all? Are people taking to it the way that you imagined?

Lynn Gunn: I didn’t really imagine anyone taking it any way, to be honest, it’s happening regardless of what others want to say or feel about it. It’s felt great personally and as a unit. I’ve seen mostly support but obviously, with anything, there’s always going to be people with the opposite. At the end of the day, this is what this is moving forward and works best for us, I know my truth and what this journey has been and looked like so far. I’ve seen so many insane and comical theories and conspiracies about the transition/negative comments… but ultimately I think anyone who decides to wastes their energy like that might find their life to be much more enjoyable if they channeled that energy back into their own life as there’s clearly a lack/wound somewhere within themselves. If that seems sprinkled with “shade”, it is, but I mean that with the most sincerity as well.

The saying goes “you can never really outrun yourself”, and from White Noise to Use Me, it seems that you’ve left a bit of a breadcrumb-trail leading us to this point. Although PVRIS has primarily been recognized as an Alternative Rock “band”, we can hear tiny glimpses of the sound that best encompasses PVRIS now throughout your entire discography.  Was this glitch-pop, disco-esque sound something you were intentionally experimenting within your previous projects?

To be honest, this is always where I imagined PVRIS’s sound living and the type of production I’d heard PVRIS songs being told through. I think in the past I didn’t fully know how to communicate the little production nuances that would have taken some tracks from point A to B, there was also a fear (that I now regret having) about straying from the “rock” production/experiencing rejection from the “scene” we initially started playing shows and touring in.

For the most part, and I truly mean this, there really isn’t that much of a difference in the instrumentation and sonic choices of this album from the first two, it’s still a very even play of organic instruments and electronic/synths, it’s just being produced through a different lens that’s a bit cleaner, crisper and crunchier in some areas. It’s a new interpretation of the woodwork that’s always been there.

What has kept you motivated to continue creating and sharing your truth with the world?

That’s a great question because I go back and forth with that feeling sometimes… Ultimately seeing comments from fans/listeners and hearing everyone’s stories and ways that they connect to PVRIS’s music is the most motivating thing in the world. I also feel that no matter what type of obstacle course the universe wants to throw me through, I’m always going to be grateful for the bruises/lessons and always going to feel compelled to create and share those truths through music.

I understand you’ve run into a deluge of unfortunate health issues the past few years that have affected you and the band greatly. If you feel comfortable sharing, could you talk a little bit about these illnesses and the ways you have had to overcome the obstacles they brought forth to get you to where you are now?

Totally comfortable sharing! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) about two years ago and then about a year ago was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. AS is an inflammatory disease that mainly attacks the lower back, hips, and ribs, but it can also manifest in a lot of other ways as well such as joint pain, chronic fatigue, and even eye issues. Sometimes when my AS is really bad, I can barely get out of bed or even roll over in bed. Over time, if not treated properly or managed, it can cause your vertebrae to fuse... I’ve heard that’s super rare though. Crohn’s is chronic inflammation in the digestive tract and is a little more embarrassing but pretty self-explanatory haha…

They definitely taught me (and by taught I mean forced me) to take time in caring for myself and caring for my body. Resting properly, staying in shape, eating super healthy, setting boundaries with work, etc. It’s also just made me really appreciative of the moments when my symptoms aren’t as bad/just happy to be alive and not have it worse. I’m determined to manage both diseases holistically and through integrative medicine, so far I’ve seen great progress.

Do you believe these difficulties aided in your journey towards this self-actualization that listeners are able to distinguish in this new era of PVRIS? If so, how/in what way?

Definitely! There are definitely some references to those difficulties in a few of the songs. I think outside of the music, it’s given a lot more self-love, strength, and patience. It’s also just created even more urgency to live my truth and to live it unapologetically in the way that I want, which naturally extends into PVRIS and the art that I want to make.

If you had to use one word to describe each album thus far, what words would you use and why?

White Noise - Freshman - everything was so new and exciting and there was so much eagerness with it, like a freshman walking through a high school for the first time haha.

All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell - Bootcamp (haha) - creating it and touring it were both pretty hard experiences BUT incredibly strengthening.

USE ME - Upgrade - despite all the chaos around this release, this is the freest I’ve felt and the most confident I’ve felt about a PVRIS album.

All the visuals and music video treatments that you have conjured up have a strikingly symbolic and cinematic feel to them. However, the symbolism and tone of the music videos tied to Use Me seem to take on a different nature. Can you talk about this shift in creative expression?

Mostly just working with new collaborators (Yhellow, Katharine White and Griffin Stoddard). I feel a lot less precious about things (to a healthy degree) and much more open to letting others run with the concepts as they wish! So many fun new exciting perspectives have been able to shine through.  

I know you are a film fanatic and dabble in cinematography. Do you have any staple films that influenced the creation of the last five music videos?

The Holy Mountain was a big influence for the “Hallucinations” video, as well as [for] “Old Wounds”. For “Dead Weight”, I was actually inspired by the opening credits to That 70’s Show and Saturday Night Fever haha.

In July, you announced that the album was being pushed back so as to allow the floor for the amplification of Black voices, and to generate events in support of Black Lives Matter. Do you believe artists have a responsibility to take steps such as these to create a better future, regardless of whether or not these issues directly affect them?

Absolutely. We all need to be educating ourselves and actively doing the work to demand and create change towards a future that’s equal and just for Black lives.

Fans have been clinging to the edges of their proverbial seats waiting for Use Me in spite of all of the justifiable album delays. If you could relay one message to all the fans who have been patiently waiting, what would it be?

Please enjoy/connect, be good to each other and please please please vote if you are able!

Who are your Ones to Watch?

DRAMA, Jax Anderson, HDBeenDope, Royal and The Serpent, Nikki Hayes, Kat Cunning and LEXXE!

[cicici03]

The Princess’s Secret- Chapter 1

Africa, 12:15 p.m.

People of Africa, arise and to work!

You have conquered the soil and won your rights;

Your freedom will be born of your courage.

Lift up your eyes, the future is yours.

The people of Africa, sung while waiting for the precious royal family to come out off the famous Warrior Palace. 

They were happy and love their country.

However, the precious darling to much of the whole continent of Africa and the world, Ciara, was not so happy. As she was in her motorcade, looking at the spectators, she saw the happiness that she had years ago.

Ciara looked away from the crowd, and looked at the seat next to her. 

Her husband.

Trevante, wasn’t sitting there due to his grandmother “acting” like she really needed him in the car. Ciara saw between that lie that his grandmother told him.

However, Tre didn’t.

Ciara saw his grandmother invite, Sasha, a woman who “suppose” to be Trevante’s wife in his grandmother eyes and her advisors. Sasha was the “native”, black woman who would bring up a “great” heir for the throne.

Ciara and Trevante have been trying to have a baby since they have been married. Out of the six years they have been married, they have experience five miscarriages and had child.

Unfortunately, a tragic event took the child.

Ciara finally looked down at her navy blue dress and saw the tear stains on her dress. She wiped her tears and looked in her purse to fix up her makeup.

Toby, Cierra’s and Tre’s driver, pulled up to the gates of the palace. As he was waiting for the guards to open it, Toby looked at Princess Ciara. He saw the tears  and the small mascara stains on her cheeks. 

“ Princess, you okay?” Toby asked as he pulled through the gates. Ciara straighten up and looked at the back of Toby’s head. 

“ Toby, I’m okay.” Ciara answered while finishing up her makeup. As she said that through her teeth, Toby and Ciara knew that she was lying. Toby and Ciara tooked up a friendship with some occasional flirtation. Toby developed a crush on her.

Ciara wouldn’t dare cheat on him, but sometimes it would be great to have her husband to take up for her. Toby always made a way for Ciara to smiled and told her the things she need to here whenever the Queen brought her down. 

“ Okay princess, this is your spot.” Toby spoke up for the Princess to snapped out of her thoughts. 

Ciara looked around and saw the cameras flashing and ready for her to come out. Ciara thought to herself, “ Fake smile.” 

Ciara finally looked up at Toby and smiled at him: not a fake one. 

“ You got this beautiful.” Toby stated with much pride. However, he realized that he spoke out of terms with one of the royal family members. As he looked back at Ciara, she smiled and nodded.

“ Thanks Toby.” Ciara spoke as the door open with a guard with his hand out.

Toby smiled, knowing that he made the Princess smiled.

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New York, 6:30 a.m.

“ Ummm homeboy, I don’t do lips and it is time for you to go” Nikki said while looking at her one night stand.

“ Baby, now come on, let me get to know you!” The one night stand said while looking at Nikki. Nikki walked over to the door and open it. She looked back at the man, whom finish in 10 minutes, and was also very clingy.

“ Man, you weren’t that good and baby you ain’t that cute. Now sashay away” Nikki proclaim with much boom to her voice.

The man picked up his clothes and left Nikki’s apartment. With that,Nikki shut the door, and went to living room in her high rise apartment  in New York.

Nikki wasn’t just any old body in New York. Nikki is the editor-and-chief of the most proclaim black magazine in New York: Melanin. With Melanin only been known in the black community from the previous editors- and chiefs.

Nikki changed that in the past year of her being the head. Now the magazine is a well publish and own magazine. Beating out there top competitor, Togue, she made the leading magazine be something for the culture.

Nikki got her big binder for the issue of August with Beyoncé and Serena Williams on it. She sat down and turn on the TV to the Royal News Channel.

As she turn it on, she heard her phone ring. She sat down and picked up the phone off her coffee table and answered.

“ Okay girl, I got some news you will like! It’s about the royal family!” Natalie shouted over the phone. Nikki smiles as she heard her little sister,the person who knows everything and her personal assistant, breathing hard over the phone.

Before Nikki could answer, Natalie already answered.

“ Well girl, I heard that Princess Ciara is very unhappy. They say that Queen Aysia is very mean with her, which I believe is very untrue. That means you can find out from the Princess yourself.” Natalie stayed while finishing up in a rush.

As the 70th anniversary of Queen Aysia ruling, there was going to be a big festival. With that, Queen Aysia wanted Nikki herself to interview her family and others for her feature in the magazine.

Nikki looked up to her TV, catching Princess Ciara coming out her motorcade. She saw the smile, the fake smile, that Nikki knew all to well.

Nikki knows what is BS being born on the Westside of ATL. When she was younger, Nikki learn that you need to observe people before you talked to them. Also, learning to looked out for a details especially when her brother got shot.

As Nikki, kept looking at the TV screen, she saw Ciara with her fake smile. Nikki could tell the Princess was unhappy, with the puffiness under her eyes from crying about 30 minutes ago. Also, she could see that Ciara was a genuine human being that goes with her spirit to help anybody and everybody.

She watch as Princess Ciara walked to her husband, Trevante. Nikki saw that Trevante was a loving and kind person . A man that loves his wife, but a man that try to please everybody to keep the peace. As the Princess and Prince took hands, while everybody whom was watching the couple’s moment.

Nikki could tell Ciara was scared, by how hard she squeeze his hand. Her smiles turn into a grin in someway, a grin that had grimace behind it, that made Nikki angry.

“ Nikki, you still there?” Natalie question to her sister.

“ Yeah, however, this African Royal Family interview just got a little more interesting” Nikki boldly stated.

——————————————————

Africa, 6:30 p.m.

“Princess Ciara, hunny you need to get ready.” Adah, Cierra’s aide and maid, shouted while closing the blinds.

With no answer, Adah looked back at the Princess. Ciara looked up with tears coming down her eyes.

“ Oh honey!” Adah shouted while jogging over to the Princess. Adah got to her and hug her. With that, Ciara cried harder into her shoulder.

Adah knew what was upsetting her and it upset Adah.

While the Royal Family was on the balcony of the Warrior Palace, Ciara was told to stand inside the palace and not along with her husband, whom was standing on the balcony along his grandmother and immediate family.

Ciara wasn’t upset about that, she was mostly upset that the Queen told Sasha to stand in the position that Ciara was suppose to stand at. Trevante didn’t stop Sasha from grabbing along to his arm. To the world it seem like the childhood best friends, but to Ciara and other people in the Royal Family that was different.

Some of the non-immediate family of the Royal Family looked at Ciara in sympathy. Ciara tried to shake the tears, but she couldn’t. With everything from not being able to have a baby and Tre not standing up for her: she busted out crying.

She did not only get the attention of the family that was inside, but everybody that was in the balcony. She met eyes with her husband’s and she ran to their wing of Warrior Castle.

“ Ciara, honey I’m so sorry!” Adah said with much sadness behind her voice. Adah could hear the hurt in Ciara’s voice. Adah has been apart of the royal family staff since Trevante was born. She saw how the Queen been for  30 years ,and was one of her biggest critics in the staff.

“ If you don’t speak up, you will die unheard.” Adah said quoting an African proverb while rubbing Ciara’s back.

Adah, always told her to speak her mind back to the Queen. However, she understands that the Queen can get even more down and dirty and ruin Ciara if she really wanted to.

With Ciara keep on crying, the bedroom door open up. Adah looked to see Prince Trevante standing looking at her and Ciara.

Trevante dark skin was glowing from the Shea Butter and Baby Oil he moisturize with everyday. He walked in with his African Army Accolades Belt over his left shoulder.

“ Hello Adah.” Trevante said with his deep Nigerian accent. Trevante lived in Nigeria with his father until he left for college.

Trevante looked at his wife and just shooked his head. Tre felled in love with the overly shy girl at Alabama State. The shy woman who took him to eat McDonald for the first time. They talked about the economy and different human rights issue instead it being about his status and wealth.

Seeing his wife cry, made Trevante feel like he fail as a husband. However, his grandmother was his mother. Prince Trevante’s mother died after she gave childbirth at the hospital. Queen Aysia was the person to help comfort her child, Prince Aray, and take care of her grandson like a mother. So whenever his grandmother says something, he does.

“Adah, could you leave please?” Trevante ask with his booming voice. Adah knew that Tre ask it as a question to be nice, however she also knew that it was an order. 

Adah pulled Ciara head up from her shoulder and looked at her. She looked at Ciara’s eyes and she saw the hurt that she was going through. Adah smiled at Ciara, and let her go to go out of the room.

As she pass Tre, she gave him a look and left.

Trevante walked over to the couple’s bed and stood by one of the gold pillars at the foot of the bed. 

“ Ciara, why was you crying. That really upset my grandmother.” Tre confessed with some anger behind it. Ciara scoffed and looked at him.

“ Trevante, your grandmother have been trying to break us up since we got married! Then she makes me stay in the back and let Sasha, the woman that suppose to be princess in her eyes, stand by you during the Royal March!” Ciara spoked softly, taking her eyes off of him.

“ Cierra, Sasha is one of my best friends! My grandmother knows that! She knows I love you! Ciara, I am going to always listen to my grandmother because knows what best!” Trevante screeched the last part to her. Ciara just nods her head and just looked down at her lap.

“ So if she flats out say, get a divorce from me, would you listen then?” Ciara questioned slowly while looking her husband in his eyes with much anguish behind it.

Trevante stared at her, he didn’t know what to say. Of course, he wouldn’t divorce his wife because that was the only person he could be normal with and he loves her dearly. However, his grandmother was the matriarch of the family, and she always knew what was “best”.

With the silence in the air, Ciara had her answer. Ciara start crying hard and shaking her head. She quickly got up and head to the bathroom in the couple’s room. Tre tried to go after her, but the he met the door instead.

------------------------------------------------------------

Africa, 11:30 p.m.

With African drums playing in the background, the ball for the Royal March was just starting. This is not the typical ball that Royals have. This is a ball where dancing, eating, and having fun was suppose to overflow. While all of this was happening, at the royal table, Ciara sat alone and watch the crowded.

As per usual, she was by herself and away from her husband due to the Queen’s “needs” to be met. Ciara saw Tre with Sasha the whole night. 

One thing that was clear that Tre would defintiely do anything for his grandmother even divorce in Ciara’s eyes. She saw them laugh and touch, which she was prohibited by the Queen and her advisors to touch her own husband, but Sasha could. 

Ciara held in her tears for once and didn’t cry. As she finish eating Jollof rice, she saw King Zane come over. King Zane was the complete opposite than his wife, he was loving and caring of his grandson’s wife. He saw the kindness, and the gentleness of her soul that she gave whenever she do royal duties.

“ How is my favorite granddaughter-n-law ?”  King Zane roared with his deep baritone voice with his drink his hand. Ciara looked up from her plate, with a mouth full of Jollof rice.

“ Well, I don’t blame you for eating some Jollof now!” King Zane laughed at Ciara while sitting besides her. King Zane looked over the crowded and saw his wife talking to some of the lieutenants of the Army with his son, Prince Ade, following right behind her. To his daughter, Princess Angel, dancing with one of royals from Spain. To his youngest son, Prince Aray, drinking with some royals from Italy and England.

He looked back to Ciara, about to speak, until he saw that she was staring at something. He looked the same way she did, and saw that his grandson and Sasha was dancing very closely. With her hands rubbing all up and down his arms and Trevante not stopping.

King Zane got up, and went to the mic.

“ Hello everyone, I would like to give a special announcement to my beautiful granddaughter-n-law!” King Zane announce capturing all the attention due to his voice and fun personality. He looked towards Ciara, which she was smiling, and continue on.

“ My announcement to her, is one of my famous dad jokes!” King Zane laughed out with some people laughing. King Zane put on his glasses and took out his phone and spoke out.

“  Did you hear the rumor about butter?” ,King Zane pause while looking at the crowded, “Well, I'm not going to spread it!" King Zane finish while laughing at it. Everybody wasn’t laughing at the joke, but was laughing how cringy it was and how much King Zane was cracking up.

“ Well that is all folks, I’m only a one joke at a time type of guy!” King Zane laughed while walking towards Ciara. She was laughing along besides him. Even though Ciara didn’t need to know why he went up there, she was glad he did.

“ I got to go to the restroom!” Ciara said while still laughing at King Zane. King Zane looked at his granddaughter- n-law and shooked his head. As Ciara left, Toby wave to her. He was invite due to him being a close friend with a lieutenant. 

To hers and Toby not knowing, Queen Aysia saw the exchange. She knew they was friends, but Trevante didn’t know how close they really were. 

Ciara headed to the bathroom after the waving to Toby. As she got in there she saw Sasha and her buddies. They all looked at Ciara and Ciara looked back at them. 

“ Hello, Princess Ciara.” Sasha snorted out while looking at the only thing that kept her from Trevante. Ciara looked at her and shook her head and move to one the sinks to freshen up.

“ Oh, so the Princess can’t talk no more. Well you really don’t talk ever!” Sasha jeered at her with her two friends laughing in the back.

Ciara looked at her, and all she saw was her having her hands all over Tre.

“ Leave my fucking husband along!” Cierra cursed at Sasha while giving her glare.

“ Oh so the Princess want me to leave Tre along. The Queen don’t like you! Princess, you know when Tre was not at home that night last Saturday and was on a trip for the Army. Guess where he was, my bed! He made me feel so good and made love to me all night long!” Sasha tease while walking towards Ciara.

“ He tells me everything that you don’t do. For instance, you haven’t gave him a baby. A simple thing for a woman to do. Plus, your first child is dead because of you!” Sasha teased some more putting emphasizes on the last sentence. 

As she said those words, Ciara didn’t know what overtook her. She looked at Sasha and punch her in the face. With that, a brawl was on between the ladies. Ciara got her choke and didn’t let go. 

With that, Ciara kept holding her neck. Ciara didn’t hear the guards, the Queen, Trevante, and some of the rest of Royal Family coming into the bathroom. Tre saw that Sasha looked like she was going limp.

 Tre picked up Ciara and pulled her to a wall.

“ What the hell is wrong with you!” Trevante screamed at Ciara. Ciara looked at him and pushed him.

“ You!” Ciara screams back with much anger. She looked around looking at the Queen and her advisors. They all looked at Ciara in digusted. With that Ciara, left the bathroom in tears and go back to the one place that she is not outcasted: her bedroom.

“ Now this is what I am talking about! Why you married that girl, she mentally crazy for hurting Sasha like that!” Queen Aysia said looking at Tre. Some of the guards help Sasha up and took her away. With that the only person left in there was Tre.

He shook his head and left the bathroom.

As the door close, the toilet flush.

Nikki walks out of the stall, clicking the voice memos recording off. She went to the sink and wash her hands. As she did that, she thought about what just happen and saw how the Princess was indeed in a very unhappy spot and how Natalie was definitely wrong about the Queen.

With that, she was going make sure that every secret would be told.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well you guys this is my first chapter for The Princess’s Secrets.

Who is the bad guy in this story: Ciara, Tre, Queen Aysia, Sasha??

Hope you guys like and please comment if you really did like it a lot!!!! Please reblog and have fun with it!!!

Taglist-

@l-auteuse @ljstraightnochaser @munteanhore @twistedcharismaaa @19jammmy @lovesunnyandmary @soufcakmistress

———————————————————

[sstrongstyle]

𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Adam Cole x OC, mentions of Seth Rollins x OC 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: After nearly a decade of being the golden girl of WWE, Adaline Marin wants out. Their ring was no longer home, haunted by her first love and upon reaching her thirties, the face behind "Aspen Glory" wonders if the passion she once had was still ablaze. Instead, she gets sent down to NXT to join the Undisputed Era. The next three hundred and sixty-five days, all captured by cameras for the history books, become a year of revival, reinvention, and realization with her legacy at stake and a new flame from the past emerging. 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: All characters are referred to by their real life names (for the most part) 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: I love feedback! Please send some my way! <3 Very background heavy chapter, no real fun, but more to come. If you’re interested in being added to a tag list, let me know!

CHAPTER THREE.

June 8th, 2019

Adaline couldn't believe that she didn't just agree to this, but agreed for it to be done for an entire year. It wasn't like she cared about being in management's good graces and volunteered to do it, but she somehow got hoodwinked into agreeing to a 365 special on herself. She was the last person in the world to enjoy having cameras on her when she was out of the ring and no longer Aspen Glory. Doing interviews out of character for Adaline felt like pulling teeth. She avoided Total Divas at all costs. Even appearing on stuff like Ride Along and UpUpDownDown was difficult for her.

"Just call me the modern day Undertaker," Adaline rolled her eyes, but she smiled a bit, as she sat down for the camera.

She liked her privacy as much as any other wrestler that had cameras constantly on them, but especially since fans liked to pay extra attention to her life for whatever reason. Adaline attributed it to her once long term relationship with Colby, highly publicized at several points because of whatever dirt sheet rumours and private leaks that were thrown their way. She was quiet at all times, her Wikipedia page only covering her wrestling career, as she had been as vague about her childhood as possible in the past.

Raising an eyebrow at the producer, Craig, a few feet away, Adaline wasn't sure where to begin. "I can just talk about anything?"

Anything but the few things on the "no mention" list. Most were contributed by WWE, but a lot of other things were provided by Adaline. This included her past relationship with Colby outside of kayfabe and especially anything to do with Nikki Bella.

"Start with talking about your career so far. You can name drop companies and non-contracted performers, but only because we'll be editing whatever we don't want aired, anyway."

"Right," she shifted slightly, unsurprised. "Well, I'm turning thirty-two this fall, so this will be into my sixteenth year of doing this thing."

She wasn't exactly sure why the Network executives wanted to give her a 365 special. As far as she knew, most of the episodes were focused on wrestlers overcoming serious injuries or taking the next great step in their careers. Was this what NXT was supposed to be for her?

Craig's expression remained blank, as he pushed his semi rimless glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. "You started at sixteen years old?" His eyes never left the clipboard in front of him, where she assumed was a list of prompts to ask.

"Yeah, I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade and I worked retail and other random part time jobs for two years while training and working local shows in Toronto. Bingo halls, high school gyms, random parking lots, you know," Adaline explained further, still trying to loosen up her tense shoulders. "When I turned eighteen, I dropped everything and moved to the United States because I knew I was limited, wrestling where I was wrestling. I was an illegal alien with no plan and just a few hundred dollars—the dumb indie wrestler dream."

It'd been so long since she looked back at that time in her life. Once embarrassed by her roots, Adaline felt a warm, fuzzy feeling at the pit of her stomach and couldn't ignore the swelling of pride in her heart. She'd come far.

The look on Craig's face induced Adaline to continue, so she took a deep breath. "My early work happened in Pennsylvania, where I fought my way into gyms and I mean fought. It was really hard at that time for a woman to be taken seriously. It was guys like Drew Gulak and Jon—" Although Craig said that she was allowed to name drop non-contracted performers, she was positive that uttering the former Dean Ambrose's name wasn't worth it. "—um, who helped me learn the ropes and culture in that area. Chikara's Wrestling Factory really helped me out and I did stuff for them and other places like CZW. Drew was the head trainer at the CZW at the time and was one of the first mentor figures I had."

If Adaline had to put her money on it, she would have said that Craig was bored out of his damn mind, but then again, he had the same expression on his face ever since he walked into the room. "Did you just stay in the northeast for that portion of your career?"

"I ventured a bit more west as time went by. Definitely lingered around Illinois for a while, since it's where the top independent women's promotions were at the time. Funnily enough, I ended up living in Chicago for about ten years after that." To be with her boyfriend, but she didn't mention that. "I did some time on the west coast, not as much as I wish I did, but I definitely had some fun doing stuff in California and for a split second, Mexico. Three years into working in the States and I somehow, by a miracle, land myself in the locker room of Florida Championship Wrestling."

To this day, Adaline wasn't exactly sure how she got in. The tape that she sent the developmental recruits was god-awful and her tryout promo was more than cringy. However, looking at other people in her recruitment class, it was clear that officials and scouts looked at potential over everything—how well could they be molded into the WWE standard, the ceiling of their entertainment value. She wasn't sure if she should feel flattered that they saw that in her or not or if they simply saw that she could be easily manipulated.

"It was definitely a time down there. Difficult, yes, but I learned so much." Adaline could recall nights crying into her pillow out of frustration for where her training was going and how she was treated by the other talent. Girls often claimed how hard they were judged for being models and dancers before coming to FCW, but it was just as hard being an "arrogant indie schmuck." There weren't many women from back then who could relate to the garbage that she went through.

Craig asked, "Do you think performers then had a harder time in FCW than the recruits down in the PC and NXT today?"

She paused, taking the question in. "Not a harder time, per say, but the process is much smoother now, while being more of a burden. We have the state of the art Performance Center now, compared to that warehouse we used to train in. NXT gets so much more exposure now that it's harder to reinvent yourself at your own pace." Adaline said. "In a way, because NXT is now its own brand, I would say that talent from the FCW era were much more catty in the sense of starting drama and wanting to move up to get on the road with the main roster talent. The divas division back then was a very different culture to the women's locker room here at Full Sail, which is now very welcoming. Everyone wants to help each other, not drag them down."

There was nothing Adaline wanted to do more than expose certain names, but she held herself back. The catty environment, the hazing, the drama and sabotage, was too much for her. She was just glad that she move on from there quickly, as her memories in developmental hurt her as much as they did help her.

"And after FCW?"

Adaline grinned. "Oh, come on. Everyone knows what happened after that."

For the first few years, she was afraid that the only reason she got lumped in with The Shield was because she was Colby's long term girlfriend and that they assumed he would be most comfortable with her as their valet. After all, Adaline wasn't exactly progressing as a character in FCW. She was scared of that, and only being considered as eye candy and a side item for the boys. It took years of understanding from other people and seeing the product in the eye of the executives that they truly must have seen potential in her.

And if all of the above were true anyway, then Adaline made damn sure to prove herself to be otherwise in the past few years.

"My time with The Shield was everything I could ask for and more. I'm glad I spent that portion of my career with those guys, I don't think I could have found my way around without them. We were all definitely kind of lost, but we had each other, and we were really family." She wanted to say are family, but things were different these days.

Adaline talked to Joe the most, at least up until her move to the yellow and black brand. He texted and checked up on her often while she was off TV. Jon came here and there, but things were different. She only kept up with him through Renee, since the man clearly had yet to discover how to reply to a text.

Then, there was Colby.

Things were good the first couple months after the big finale. As fine as they could be, really. They were on different brands leading up to Wrestlemania, which contributed tremendously to the smooth sailing. After the Royal Rumble, though, things got. . . weird and of course, she hadn't known it yet, but it was around the time he started seeing Becky.

"Hey, Becks, some of the girls are going back to my hotel room after the show," Adaline had tapped Becky on the shoulder after catching her outside of the trainer's room during the later hours of Elimination Chamber. "You gonna come and kick my ass in Mario Kart?"

For whatever reason, Becky's expression dropped. "Oh, uh, actually, I'm just gonna head back to mine. Call it in early, y'know?" Tripping over her words, the fluster in her voice was a tad suspicious to Adaline, but she brushed it off.

She'd proceeded with her plans with Pamela and Leah, playing video games into the early morning. Adaline didn't even think of Becky and her obvious excuse until Leah mentioned that she ran into Becky on her way back to her own room.

"It was written all over her face! Someone definitely got lucky that night," Leah mused at the makeup table, two days later at Smackdown. "Who do you think the guy is? She's definitely not one for random hookups."

Adaline knew that she wasn't owed an explanation to Colby's new love life, but she was a little disappointed that she figured it out on her own. The little things, the rumours she heard backstage, all pieced together for her to realize what was going on between the two of them. Maybe Adaline wouldn't have felt so ruffled about it if it wasn't made to be so weird and secretive. She didn't tell anyone what she found out, keeping it to herself until they announced it themselves.

"Stop making excuses for him, I know why he's late." She didn't even look up from her phone, as she waited in the passenger's seat of the group's rental car. "He's with her, right?"

This was at the tail end of The Shield's farewell era in February earlier that year. Though, Adaline was not heavily involved in the storyline as some expected her to be—the escalation to her own Wrestlemania feud had been going on and she had duties to fulfill on the Smackdown brand. She wasn't there for the buildup throughout the month on Raw, but she was able to join the reunion at Fastlane. It was the group's last match together and the group begged personnel to let her be apart of at least the final moments.

Joe and Jon simply exchanged looks with each other in response. They clearly knew about the couple and probably found out from Colby himself. While nobody said anything to Adaline about it, deep down, they all knew that nobody needed to. She knew Colby more than possibly any other person in the world and the two weren't surprised that she figured it all out.

"Right." Jon was the one who chose to break the awkward silence. "Well, he can meet us there. Let's get this show on the road, we got some beautiful people waiting to see my beautiful face at that bar." It felt a little wrong to not wait for Colby on their way to the roster's "Goodbye Shield" party at a local watering hole, but even Joe was sick of waiting and started the engine.

"We had the time of our lives in that initial run. There's just too memories that I'll cherish forever, you know. But, my memory of all time is surprising the fans at Fastlane, when I showed up to accompany the boys to the ring one last time and having that farewell embrace as the show went off air." Adaline quickly blinked back the tears, as sensitive as ever, but she didn't like showing that side of her to the camera. "I swear to god, time seemed to just completely stop for those few minutes. It was out of this world, nothing like it."

The most magical part of wrestling was the crowd, there's no denying that. On the eve of Fastlane, Adaline felt mountains of love and excitement from the fans, knowing that they were witnessing the end of an era. All four of them knew it was the end of an era, in many ways more than one. Adaline and Colby, who were always known as a collective, rather than individually, were now apart and were now moving on from each other. Mox chose to chase his dreams elsewhere, away from the three that became his family. Joe's legacy in the industry was building and building, year by year. They were no longer the people they were in 2012, having finally gotten a taste of wealth and glory after early years of struggle when the four used to share a single hotel room to save costs.

She'll always be grateful for her run with The Shield. At the beginning, she was just happy to be in a main roster storyline. She was just happy to be able to maximize her time with Colby. Beyond that, Jon and Joe became her family. Bickering over who's turn it was to drive after long house shows, getting to know Joe's kids, playing video games in the locker rooms and every hotel room, and nobody leaving the trainer's room until everybody was clear. No one got left behind.

Back then, it was like that. Now? Adaline can't help but feel like she's come to that point, without any of the three by her side for the first time in a decade.

Craig sighed a little too loudly, rolling up his sleeve and glancing at the shiny watch on his wrist. "We're running out of time. We'll touch on your time with The Authority and everything since then for our next interview day, maybe also dig a little deeper into your new alliance with Undisputed Era." Adaline tried not to breathe a sigh of relief, already worn out from the questions. "Last thing. What are your expectations going into NXT, considering all that you've gone through in sixteen years?"

A question that she didn't know the answer to.

"It's good catching up with you. You have your locker number?" Coach Bloom stood up from his chair from across the desk, extending his hand for Adaline to shake.

She nodded, taking his hand. "Yes, sir. I'll be on my way, then."

Being called into the head trainer's office was similar to the feeling of being called into the principal's office and she had more fear in her body than someone who had just arrived should have had. That was the feeling that Bloom gave off to all NXT residents, but she knew that there was always care behind his tough demeanour. He simply wanted to welcome her properly to the PC on her first official day.

Meanwhile, Serena had been sitting to the side of the two of them and she couldn't confine the grin stretching across her face. When they had shook hands, she instead pulled her old friend into a tight embrace.

"I'm so happy you're here," she whispered into her ear, not caring that Bloom was rolling his eyes at them, mumbling about something for the two women to take it outside of his office.

They had only reunited so few times since Serena signed on as a coach for the Centre a year ago and it only made the moment feel so much sweeter. At the very beginning of Adaline's career, Serena had served as such a helpful mentor figure, even going into their short lived time in the FCW women's locker room together. To have their paths intersect once again, at yet another pivotal part in Adaline's life, seemed poetic in a sense.

Adaline walked out of the office, in tow with Serena. "I guess I'll be responding to your drills again, huh?"

"And you better do it damn well," she raised an eyebrow at the younger woman. "I'm still in shock that you're here. They really didn't want you going anywhere else, huh?"

Shrugging in response, the Canadian sighed. "I'm in shock, too—considering that NXT wasn't apart of the plan." Adaline was getting tired complaining about how the wool was pulled over her eyes during her contract negotiations, but it was starting to fully settle in. Meeting the guys in Hunter's office softened the blow. It was time to shut up and accept the facts.

"People everywhere watched what you did all over the world during those two years that you were gone. You don't need this company to be a star, they need you," Serena said. "Have you maybe considered that you're here because you did all you could do on RAW and Smackdown?"

Those words echoed in Adaline's head, as she trudged into the women's locker room.

It had almost ten years since she started this journey in this company and it seemed like almost everybody that started with her had already grown tired of it. Her first road wives, April and Celeste, were long gone. Danielle decided that she was worn out and was gone. Trinity had recently taken time off and wasn't sure when she was coming back to the ring. Saraya, someone who Adaline thought would be wrestling in her sixties, was retired. Even the goddamn Bellas weren't around anymore. Ninety percent of the division from a decade ago was gone. Wasn't she exhausted, too?

She envied women like Becky and Pamela, who were still hungry for more. There were others who had just made the main roster and some down with her in NXT now, who suffered through the struggles of the indies and were still ready to claw up to the top. Adaline wondered where that drive was for her.

Every locker was labelled by ring name, some with more long-standing plates—mainstays like Io Shirai and Bianca Belair. Meanwhile, others simply had a laminated piece of paper slapped on top of the metal. These were the recruits who had yet to prove themselves, the names that Adaline couldn't recognize.

A shiny, new plate shone on the locker that sat at the corner of the room. Aspen Glory, it read, in all of its permanent lustre.

She slammed her gym bag onto the bench, the impact echoing throughout the empty room. The process felt foreign, making a locker home when Adaline spent so many years travelling to probably hundreds of different arenas and treating each space and moment as temporary. She wasn't sure where to begin, as she unlocked the door and was met with a clean, baby blue interior.

There were some basic things that she brought, like extra socks, a water bottle, and shower shoes. Adaline quickly filled the locker up with these contents and it still appeared so barren to her. What the hell else was she supposed to put in it? She shrugged, not thinking too much about it. Then, she heard the door creak open.

Somewhat hidden away from the front of the locker room, Adaline could hear a distinct voice that seemed to be talking to someone over the phone and a smile formed, hoping it was who she thought it was.

"Yeah, that sounds good for dinner. I just got into the PC, I think Cheree's already waiting for me. You know how she is, she's always early. Alright, bye, Johnny, I love you. See you."

A flash of blonde hair only confirmed Adaline's suspicions. It was Candice LeRae, who hummed the melody of a 90s pop song and chewed bubblegum, as she strolled over without noticing the other female in the room. She easily unlocked her name plated locker, which was across from Adaline's, and nearly everything spilled out from it being too full.

She groaned. "Oh, crap," Candice said, trying to chase a bottle of dry shampoo that had begun rolling across the floor, only to be met with Adaline's bemused expression.

"Hi."

"Hey," Candice replied with a grin, a little perplexed.

Almost instantaneously, they pulled each other into a hug. Knowing that she would be diving head first into the unknown, Adaline was aware that she couldn't navigate all on her own. The two Breezango idiots were too busy figuring their own things out and she couldn't voice her anxiety to her new stable mates, wanting to give off a confident face. There were only so many people that Adaline could turn to outside of them, so she gave Candice a heads up that she was now reporting to the Performance Centre.

Adaline bent down and reached out for the lavender can for her shorter friend, passing it to her. "Your shit's a mess, girl."

"Yours will be, too. Give it a month," she rolled her eyes and peeked over her shoulder at Adaline's belongings on the bench. "You're moving in today?! I honestly did not expect to see you here so soon."

"I told you that I landed a few days ago, didn't I? I've been in meetings all weekend," Adaline replied with a groan. She had only been in Orlando for such a short amount of time and the amount of work and settling she had to do was taxing. The NXT tapings hadn't even begun, yet.

Candice said, "Yeah, it doesn't really slow down for another week or so. You'll love it here, I promise." As everyone else had promised Adaline, who clearly wasn't convinced.

The blonde turned around and put the can back into its place—if it even had one, in that mess of a locker—and began rummaging through her personal possessions. Candice let a out a soft a-ha! when she found what she was looking for at the back of the space, a Minnie Mouse hairbrush. Adaline chuckled softly at the sight and turned around, closing her own locker.

"Are you off to go workout?"

"Yeah, Cheree's wanted to get some cardio in. Any more meetings today?" Candice replied.

Adaline shook her head. "No, just moving in." She gestured to her gym bag and locker.

"Well, while you're here, the taping schedule is posted up by the west wing double doors, you know, the ones to the main gym. We can check it out together. Actually, would your name even be on there?" Candice thought to herself, considering that she was one of the few people who were made aware of Adaline's presence. The taping schedule wasn't usually subject to the change unless there was an injury, but producers were known edited the cards last minute to accommodate random returns and debuts before, at least once the talent found out.

The woman in question just shrugged in response. "Beats me. It doesn't hurt to look, right?"

"Then, we can check out the travel schedule. Ooh, I hope you're coming with us to the midwest loop at the end of the month!" Candice became giddy. "We'll hit the road together, no men! I wish we got to do that more often when you were in Cali."

Adaline didn't get the opportunity to do so often, but she loved wrestling in The Golden State and especially in PWG. When she worked with them in the past, she always travelled and hung out with Candice.

"I don't think so, but probably the next one?" she shrugged.

The two began chatting more for the next few minutes, mostly about Adaline settling in and her new house. Always the lazy type, she'd been procrastinating and the boxes in her home were left untouched, despite her promising herself that she would get it all out. The small talk about something other than wrestling for once settled the restlessness in Adaline, a small distract of sorts.

It wasn't like she disliked talking about wrestling, rather it was all that seemed to be on her mind for the past while since Wrestlemania. Somehow, it was the first time Adaline really took notice of that, considering she lived, breathed, and ate wrestling for the past sixteen years of her life. A part of her felt worrisome for the sudden awareness of it, wondering it had any relation to her other career concerns.

Unfortunately, the brief, sweet wrestling-free moment was cut short when the locker room door slammed open.

Everyone knew who Shayna Baszler was, or at least, every woman in the company did. After all, the current NXT Women's Champion was probably next in line to overtake your spot in the animal kingdom. Management wanted to push her to lead the division once she would inevitably leave NXT and become a box office draw for all of the big pay-per-views and tours and media.

Some said that Shayna was one of, if not, the most intimidating women on the NXT roster and bore a vicious gaze. Even upon entering the locker room that was nearly empty, her presence demanded attention. All eyes drew to her so naturally and so quickly as they tore away from her out of fear.

"Out of my way," was all she had to say to Adaline, not even flinching at the sight of the veteran and former women's champion.

Adaline zoned out for a moment, completely baffled by the attitude that she was just given. She couldn't help but scoff, trying to process the disrespect that was being shown to her.

She narrowed her eyes at Shayna. "The hell did you just say to me?"

In between them, Candice just sighed. It seemed like that she wanted to end what was going to be an ugly dispute early, but something held her back. Adaline hoped it wasn't out of intimidation by the former mixed martial artist.

Shayna stared back at the woman in front of her. "You think you can just waltz in here and act like you got this brand on lock? They get tired of you on the main roster and Japan couldn't offer you enough money, so you come down here to fuck around?"

Adaline wanted to find out how Shayna found out that she was going to be here, but that wasn't the main concern of hers. Her jaw nearly dropped to the ground, hearing Shayna's words. Clearly, she didn't like her or some rumours already began to float around backstage. Regardless, Adaline was already on the bad side of the de facto locker room leader.

With the fury running through her body, though, she didn't give a damn.

"I'm going to say this once, so you better listen up," Shayna began, "I think you're entitled. I think that you've ridden on the coattails of your ex-boyfriend for your entire career. So, I don't like you. Plain and simple."

"You think you know me?" Adaline's voice began to rise, but Shayna held up a hand and didn't let her finish.

She said, "Maybe for you, being here is like a little vacation before someone like Ashley Flair gets injured and creative will need another spoiled brat to bury their women's division with on Smackdown. For some of us, NXT is our entire lives. Don't mess that up for us."

With that, Shayna bumped Adaline's shoulder when she walked away to the other side of the room and behind a wall to another area of lockers. All she could hear after was the stomping of boots and the slamming of a metal door open. Meanwhile, she was in complete shock of the conversation that just happened, wondering if she just imagined it.

Looking at Candice's sheepish expression, though, it confirmed that Shayna Baszler did indeed strut right up to Adaline and cussed out one of the scariest warnings that the latter had ever heard in her life.

"Honestly, she gives that talk to every new girl," Candice said in a low voice, as she ushered Adaline out of the locker room.

"You can't be serious," Adaline shot back, still worked up over what happened. It took all the will in her body to not barge right back in and swing at Shayna's smug face.

The target was now on her back and she had yet to even step into the yellow brand's ring. If she was being honest, it was definitely a wake up call to where she was now and the expectations weighing down on her shoulders. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. She didn't even want to be here. Adaline wouldn't admit it out loud, but she was terrified for the first time in years.

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Regulus

This week’s special guest was Aaron Ozee, author of the very popular children’s book Regulus. The book was such a hit that it was made into an animated film, also titled Regulus. You can purchase the book here and rent or buy a digital version of the film here.

Regulus is about a ‘Rat King’ who refuses to share his cheese with the mice he considers beneath him. Unfortunately for the Rat King, he loses his King status and the bully then becomes the bullied. 

The book has a very strong anti-bullying message, and Elisa’s first question to Aaron Ozee was about that. Aaron would explain how he was bullied growing up and how it deeply affected him in a bad way, only then to use it as motivation in an effort to help others going through the same kind of bullying he suffered as a kid.

Bullying would be a strong theme throughout the rest of the show. Elisa got bullied for the shirt she wore, she was verbally abused by her fiancé, accused of exploitation by a moron, dogged by multiple KAF Wrap-Up show hosts... I mean, Elisa was catching flack from all angles this week for little to no reason. It was unbelievable and a bit disheartening if you’re like myself and care about Elisa.

Andy Dick is simply out of control. After trying to con Elisa out of $650 earlier in the week, he called her a “Fat whore” among other horrible names at The Grove in front of strangers and children on Saturday. He even got his ‘boyfriend’ Lucas to join in on the harassment. Just an awful situation that no one deserves, especially Elisa who has treated Andy like absolute gold these last couple of months.

Elisa finally seemed fed up with Andy’s abuse, but it wouldn’t last long. After claiming she was done with him, Andy actually appeared on the show just as Elisa was getting ready to end it. He was being nice and I could tell right away that Elisa would let him back in her good graces.

Andy would give a half-assed apology for his actions from the previous day, only then to call Elisa crazy and psychotic, only again to apologize after that. Elisa not only accepted his apologies but then offered to take him out to eat after the show. It seemed like she wanted to shift all the blame on to that Lucas guy, letting Andy completely off the hook.

People who don’t like Elisa will look at this behavior and call her weak, or they will say she’s hanging on to Andy no matter what he does just because he’s famous. The idiots who say that would be very wrong.

Elisa doesn’t have an angle. She’s been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I’m afraid Elisa doesn’t love herself so she’s more attracted to people that treat her like crap. Elisa will turn 33 in June so she’s old enough where this isn’t some wild young woman phase. My theory is subconsciously Elisa believes she deserves the abuse. It could possibly stem from her parents shipping her off to a demonic boarding school where it stuck with Elisa that sort of treatment is what she deserves in this life. She doesn’t deserve it, though. Not at all.

Elisa may not agree with me but I feel I’m right about this because I’m speaking from personal experience. I deal with the same self-loathing issues I believe Elisa has, but it’s easy for me to sit here and say Elisa should start loving herself more than to look in the mirror and tell myself the same. One of the many reasons why I will never look at Elisa in a bad light is because I can relate to the inner-struggle she’s been going through all these years. I just wish there was a way Elisa could see herself in the same spectacular light I see her in.

Elisa talked about these grandiose visions she had of herself and Andy, being featured on the cover of Forbes magazine, creating hit music, starring in movies... the works.

Just think about this... if you’re reading this blog, you already know how talented Elisa is, even if you don’t like her. You know she’s already achieved a level of success that not 1% of the population will achieve in the entertainment industry. So why does she need someone like Andy freakin’ Dick in order to vision herself on the cover of Forbes magazine? Imagine if Elisa set the goal without a man or anyone else’s help by her side... could she do it? I 100% believe she could if she gave it her all. I understand success isn’t anywhere near as fulfilling when you don’t have anyone to share it with, but you should at least strive to share your success with someone who treats you well.

Anyways, I apologize for jumping out of the review to share my personal feelings. I’m not happy with Andy, I’m not happy with that relationship. I want Elisa to have fun and create a show she can be proud of. It’s easier to accomplish that with a wacky outgoing famous guy like Andy Dick, I get that... but at this point, in my opinion, it’s not worth it if this is how Andy is going to treat Elisa.

Elisa is a grown woman though capable of making her own decisions. I will always love Elisa and wish the best for her because I know she has a beautiful heart/soul and her intentions are always good. There’s more I want to say about the situation but I’ll move on.

Back to Aaron Ozee... he gave a fantastic interview. He’s a very positive guy with big goals but also humble and polite. T-Bob tried to ruffle Aaron’s feathers with a couple of asinine questions about Black Lives Matter, and Aaron couldn’t have handled it more eloquently, even winning Trumpster Bob over (no easy feat). I was extremely impressed. On top of that, Aaron was respectful and non-judgmental to every KAF regular he talked to. Just a truly swell guy and I hope to see him more often on the show.

Kermit made a couple of new friends this week. One was Johnny B’s alter ego, Joannie B. Think Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire and that’s Joannie B. Very humorous stuff. A guy in some kind of Star Wars helmet named White Kanye also made his debut on Kermit and Friends. Apparently he’s been in some escapades with Andy Dick and told some stories. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell if he was being truthful.

Chris Christine blessed the show with her presence again. She opened up about the 20 years she spent in the American military and how it led to some traumatic mental anguish. Chris credited an Andy Dick Cameo she received as to why she didn’t commit suicide a couple of years ago. She was incredibly sweet and even offered to pay Andy that $650 I mentioned above. Chris also said a lovely prayer for Elisa and Andy. What a sweet soul Chris is all around, she’s easily one of my new favorites.

Sharmin and Dr. Roy joined us in Miami. They’ve been having a vacation together and they helped Elisa sort through her feelings regarding Andy. It was awesome to see them having fun and looking so happy.

Eric Riggs had another sex video presented on the show, this time involving a pen and his rear end. Eric called in and made Elisa shut off the video before the conclusion. He was fine with last week’s sex tape but I guess this week he felt embarrassed. Eric would later read a poem about some woman named Mindy that owes him money, which also somehow involved Elisa’s vagina and horseradish. One of the weirdest poems I’ve ever heard but hey... that’s Kermit and Friends.

Barry “Boss” Mezey called into the show to accuse Elisa of exploiting Kermit’s friends. Barry fails to realize that Elisa gives a platform to literally anyone who wants to make use of it, and the people who garner the most interest from the audience are the people Elisa will feature the most, just like every other reality show in human existence. Barry’s phone calls could not have been more wrong, shame on him.

Lastly, Elisa sort of snapped this week on a chatter by the name of Nikki. Nikki criticized Elisa’s shirt and then said she could have a more popular show than Kermit and Friends if she tried. I think Elisa had some pent up frustration regarding Andy and sort of it took it out on Nikki, which by my estimation Nikki honestly deserved anyway. I just wish Elisa had that same fire not to put up with Andy’s BS. But Nikki has said some very mean things about Elisa in the past, both on Discord and on other Kermitarian related streams, so it’s not like Elisa attacked some innocent princess who made one bad comment. Nikki can be funny but she’s not a nice person at all, so while I commend Elisa for apologizing and feeling guilty over her words to Nikki... sometimes the bully gets bullied just like in Regulus.

The show ended with Elisa playing yet another tremendously creative music video from her talented co-host, Sugar. Overall it was a good show. The interview with Aaron was very professional and well done, and the Andy stuff I’m certain was entertaining for most people. KAF continues to deliver every week, just as I’m sure it will next week. 'Til then, I sincerely thank everyone for reading and I hope you all have a superb week... well, unless your name is Andy Dick, in which case you deserve a very bad week with another bite to the face from my main man Fozzie.

[baylegend]

Bayley & Sasha: Heroes & Villains

“There’s no stronger connection”

Sasha returned to WWE with a vengeance. She came back for everything that had ever been taken from her and Bayley was on that list. Her partner and team mate had been separated from her after Wrestlemania. That was why she was irritated during the backstage interview that night. Not only was she watching Becky Lynch, carry the title she wants but she also has to endure Becky tagging with her best friend.

Bayley is the only person Sasha has ever cared about. Last year she said she would always love Bayley. Even before what transpired at the end of the match, you could see her concern for Bayley when she got thrown out of the ring by Nikki. So when Bayley took the chair from her, Sasha didn’t understand. To her, it seemed like her best friend wasn’t on her side anymore. But Bayley stayed loyal and finished the job for her.

“My Hero”

Sasha has always called Bayley her hero. And Bayley has been her hero - protecting her from getting hurt and even putting her own body on the line to save Sasha. But Bayley has also protected her in another way. Bayley knew Sasha had been fighting back this side of her we’ve been seeing lately. Bayley was the one stopping her from returning to her old ways. Whenever Sasha would lose her temper, Bayley would calm her down. She knew that once she let it out, there would be no going back. So not only was she always protecting Sasha from harm, she was protecting The Boss from herself. Look at the damage Sasha has done since she returned. What she did and said to Natalya was unforgivable. She has been ruthless because she was on her own. The door has been opened and the only person who can close it is Bayley. Which is why when Bayley snatched the chair from Sasha, it didn’t just look like she was saving Becky, it was like she was once again saving Sasha from herself.

But that wasn’t the case. Bayley has changed. She supports the depravity now. She encouraged Sasha to attack Charlotte on Smackdown. Even Sasha was surprised. All this time she had been trying to be “good” because she didn’t want to lose Bayley. But now she knows her best friend sees the real her and still loves her. Now she’s going to be unstoppable.

Loyalty

While Sasha is finally showing her true colours, Bayley has evolved. Ever since she got on Smackdown, she’s shown a more a more aggressive side. Being this way has helped her accomplish so much over the past couple of months. And though her partnership with Sasha toughened her up and made her wiser, she’s been on this path alone. But she’s always going to have Sasha’s back no matter what. She proved that when she attacked Becky. But was it all about Sasha?

“If you don’t understand me by now...”

This descent into darkness began months ago. It all started after they lost the tag team titles and Sasha left WWE. The night after Wrestlemania, Bayley had a match with Alexa. Throughout that match Alexa mocked her for losing the belts, and you could see how frustrated Bayley was. Then she did something she had never done before. Something very out of character for her. She tried to cheat to win. It didn’t work out and she lost the match, but that was the first sign. Even Corey Graves pointed it out: “Isn’t she supposed to be the hero and the role model?” Losing the tag titles did something to Sasha and Bayley. It made Sasha return to her old ways and something snapped inside Bayley.

That’s why she has been so very aggressive when people doubt her. Whether it’s pushing Charlotte off a chair, smacking a drink out of Alexa’s hand, or hitting Nikki Cross first, Bayley hasn’t taken anyone’s crap since Wrestlemania. Pushing Sonya and Mandy off of the ladder, sucker-punching Charlotte and getting even with Ember are not things the old Bayley would have done. She was frustrated when she lost the tag titles and she’s frustrated now as she’s trying to prove that she deserves to be the Smackdown Women’s Champion. All of this has been building up inside of her. Like a ticking timebomb. So when she saw the opportunity to not only show her loyalty to Sasha, but to let it all out, she took it.

She’s been going down this dark path on her own for a while and Sasha just happens to be along for the ride now. Its not just about being loyal to Sasha. It’s about being better than Charlotte and being treated like Becky. It’s about being respected. She has always wanted people to take her seriously and now she’s going to force them to. But how far is she willing to go?

“Think about the kids”

The next night Bayley came out with smiles and the Bayley-Buddies like normal. After all nothing has changed, to her. Her promo on Smackdown revealed two things we already know: that she’s loyal to Sasha and she’s a role model. She’s trying to teach kids about loyalty. She doesn’t think anything she’s done is wrong. She’s always been the good guy, the role model, the hero. She doesn’t understand why people don’t get that. To her, she’s not the villain here, Charlotte is.

Charlotte also said something that stuck out that night: “what you see is what you get”. You know what to expect when it comes to Charlotte. And that used to be applicable to Bayley. But now you have this person with a very child-friendly aesthetic hitting people first and attacking them with weapons. It’s almost like the Firefly Funhouse, everything is “supposed” seem cute and perfect but you know it’s not. That unsettling feeling you get is because you know there’s darkness underneath. That’s what’s happening with Bayley right now and it makes her an even more interesting character. She’s unpredictable. Sasha didn’t know what Bayley was going to do when she took the chair out of her hands. She also didn’t expect Bayley to encourage her the next night on Smackdown. People think Sasha is going to betray her sooner or later, now that she’s changed, Bayley might end up being the traitor.

Heroes and Villains

So what’s happening with Bayley? She’s not the ‘babyface’ anymore but she doesn’t “look” like the typical heel. Why? Because she’s delusional. She still sees herself as the hero despite her recent actions.

Is she still the hero but just isn’t playing by the book anymore? No, it’s way more complicated than that. She’s become self-righteous. Comparing herself to Charlotte shows that. Like “hey I know it looks like I’m doing some bad stuff but at least I’m not Charlotte, right?” She has become a hypocrite. And she’s somewhat aware of it. If she was still connected to her moral compass she wouldn’t align herself with Sasha, she would be trying to stop her. She’s living in this state of semi-denial.

But does that make her the “bad guy”? After all, she cares about elevating her title and she still cares about kids. And if Bayley is the bad guy here, what does that mean for Charlotte? Charlotte the evil Queen is definitely not the one we’re supposed to root for in this story, right? It all just shows people can be more than one thing.

It seems like WWE is slowly moving away from the labels of babyfaces and heels. Look at Becky Lynch who starts fights and insults everyone. Does that make her a bad guy? Then we have Sasha Banks who says heartless things to people and does whatever she can to hurt them, yet still has a soft spot for Bayley. That doesn’t make her actions inexcusable. Even Alexa Bliss who used to only look out for herself has evolved. Now she shows concern for Nikki and even saves her when she’s in trouble. These characters aren’t one-dimensional anymore. Things aren’t as black and white as they used to be. And Bayley is an example of that. Right now, she’s somewhere in the middle. She’s not ‘good’ but she’s not ‘evil’. Not yet.

[fanofnightz]

Booze (Part 6)

Nikki Sixx x Reader

Summary: You are the lead singer of the opening act of Mötley Crüe and you've been on tour with them for about three months now. After a concert, you have an argument with your mum which leads to you telling Nikki Sixx about your demons and spending the whole night with him. After that, things between the two of you get complicated but you can't stay away from each other, so you end up with each other night after night. After you realize that your behavior is affecting your work and isn't good for both of you, you break things off with Nikki - but that doesn't stop him from telling you that he loves you. You still leave but after that, you finally admit to yourself that you love him too, knowing that it's too late to go back to him.

Words: about 6800

Warnings: cursing, drinking, angst, fluff

Note: Guys I'm so goddamn sorry! It took me ages to even start writing this part! And it took me like... 4 months to finish it. I don't even know why, I had it planned for so long! But there was so much stuff I had to do and I never found the time or the inspiration to write so it just waited for me in my drafts, making me feel like shit for not finishing it Anywayyy here it is... if anyone is still there to read because you have probably already forgotten about me haha

Taglist: @bandzrus @mrs-bucky-wintersoldier-barnes @swoopygorl @oh-well1 @anxious-diabetic @sharon6713 @pfft-halsey @freddiessmallnipples @crazysaladchopshop @motleycrueee @ikbenplant @waywardprincess666 @fandomshit6000 @unknownoblivion @stella20131991 @slashscowboyboots @terriiiiible @gingerspicetalks

It had been two weeks since you had broken things off with Nikki. Two weeks since you had told him that you couldn't go on like this, that you had to stop hooking up every night. Two weeks since Nikki had told you that he was in love with you and two weeks since you had left him right after the words had left his mouth. Since then, you hadn't talked to him. You didn't know what to say and even the smallest conversation seemed to be impossible.

During the days, you worked on new songs to distract yourself and after the shows, when you had gone to a club with the boys, you drowned yourself in alcohol and drugs to get the black haired bassist out of your head. Usually, you hooked up with a stranger afterwards, but none of these men were able to make you feel like Nikki did. They didn't know how to push your buttons, how to make you feel like you were falling from heaven. A few days ago, you had caught yourself moaning Nikki's name while a guy you had met at a bar had tried to get you off. After that, you had left him and you had spent the rest of the night drinking and crying in your hotel room.

And you didn't only cry because you missed Nikki. You did also cry because you didn't know what to do or how to act. You had never been in love before. And you had tried everything not to fall for Nikki. But you had failed and now you felt the panic coming up whenever you thought about it.

From what you'd heard and seen, you knew that Nikki wasn't acting much different. He was moody and drank even more than usual and whenever you saw him, he had his arms around either one or two groupies, who were drooling over him as if he was their last meal. The worse thing was that you were actually jealous of these girls. And knowing that you would never be able to be in their place without fucking things up and hurting Nikki and yourself made you even more desperate.

Of course, the boys had recognized your weird behaviour. Your band and Tommy didn't know anything, so they had tried to ask you about it several times but without you telling them anything. Vince and Mick, who knew what was going on, hadn't told them either and you were more than just a little thankful for them keeping their mouths shut.

Vince had tried to talk to you about it once, but you had been really drunk at that point so you had screamed at him and had thrown a bottle of Jack Daniels at his head - unfortunately, you had missed him.

Just like they had done it before, the boys tried to explain your weird behaviour with the fact that a roadie had told the press about the argument with your mother. Because of that, there wasn't a magazine without an article about you and the 'anger issues' you seemed to have. You had accidentally fueled the fire a week ago, as you had gotten asked about the incident in an interview for at least ten times. At some point, you had jumped up from your chair and had screamed at the reporter. You had said some really mean things and after that, you had stormed out of the room.

Things had gotten even worse as the interview had been shown on every news channel. Everyone had seen you freak out over the questions about your mother - even your mum herself. She had tried to contact you for several times since then, but you had never answered the calls.

You had made the decision to cut her out of your life. For about twenty years, she had tortured you with her lifestyle and with her way of making it seem like she was the victim. It was time for you to get rid of her toxic behavior.

That decision hadn't been easy for you. After all, she still was your mother, the woman that had cared for you for most of your life. But when you thought back on your childhood, you just remembered the many men she had been with and the many houses you had lived in. You had never been her number one priority and she had taken any chance of a proper home away from you. Not to mention the trust issues and the fears of any kind of relationship, you still had to deal with because of her.

So you had come to the conclusion that your life was better with her not being in it and the first step of cutting the strings that attached you to your mother was not answering her calls.

Still, you had told everyone that these calls (and the dramatic messages your mum left on your mailbox whenever you hadn't picked up the phone) were the reason that you acted so weirdly different and in some way, you wanted it to be like that. Everything was better than the real reason.

The only good thing about the whole situation was the fact that you wrote better songs than ever. The song you had worked on with the band as you had told Nikki that you had to stop ending up in each others arms every night was finished and you wanted to perform it for the first time tonight. Another song you had written shortly after you had realized that you were in love with Nikki (you hadn't been able to sleep that night so you had started to write instead) was almost ready for the recording. And after the terrible interview, you had written a song as well in which you had let out all of the anger you felt towards the press and you and the boys wanted to start working on it as soon as you had finished recording the other song.

Unfortunately, because of these songs, the boys kept asking you why you were able to write ballads and break up songs all of a sudden - something you had never been good at because you had never really experienced it before. You had told them that you had read some really good books that had inspired you, but whenever you said that, you saw the distrust in their eyes.

Because of the new song you wanted to perform, you were really exited for tonight's show. The song meant a lot to you and the lyrics were really different to what you usually wrote. You were praying that the fans would like it.

Your exitement and nervousness made you walk around in your hotel room non-stop. You had two hours left until you had to be down in the lobby to drive to the venue and that meant that you had about an hour left until you had to start getting ready.

You didn't know what to do. You tried to sit down and play the guitar, but only a minute later you put the instrument down and started to walk around the room again. Being this nervous before a show was really untypical for you, so you didn't know how to calm yourself down.

A knock on the door made you stop in your movements and you walked over to the door, wondering who was standing on the other side of it. Maybe it's Nikki, a little voice in your head whispered and you couldn't help but imagine what would happen if the voice was right. Hope and the little 'what if'-question were bastards.

You opened the door and you got a little angry at yourself for being disappointed that it wasn't Nikki who was standing in front of you. It was Vince.

Since the blond singer had stopped trying to get in your pants, you had become something like friends, so you weren't that surprised that he was at your door. What surpised you was the look on his face.

Vince usually was an easy-going guy with a cheeky smile on his lips and even though he was a real drama queen that loved to get into a fight, he never was that serious, so you got a little worried as you recognized that his mouth was pressed into a thin line and that he seemed to be very stressed.

"Vince what-"

"Please tell me that Nikki's with you right now!", he interrupted you and leaned forward a little to look into your hotel room. Him mentioning Nikki made you tense up immediately.

"Why should he be with me?", you asked in confusion, not able to hide the bitter sound in your voice, "What's going on, Vince?"

"Fuck", the blond singer cursed, guiding a hand through his hair and biting his lip nervously, "I was hoping that he would be with you. He's nowhere to be found! Everyone is looking for him already!"

You started to get worried yourself. You had to be at the venue in two hours and if Nikki wouldn't show up, Doc would have to cancel the whole gig. Rather that or Dan would have to take Nikki's place for that one show.

"What happened?", you asked, already putting on your shoes and your jacket. You wouldn't just sit in your hotel room and wait while everyone was out there, looking for the bassist. "Are you sure that he didn't go out for a drink or something like that? Maybe he'll just show up in an hour, bragging about some chick he fucked in the restroom of a bar."

Vince shook his head. "The band wanted to do a meeting with Doc an hour ago. We wanted to discuss the next shows because Nikki had planned some really cool new stuff. He would never miss something that's that important to him."

"There must be a reason for him being gone!", you said while stepping out of the door and closing it behind you, "Did he mention something earlier?"

"Nikki didn't.", Vince answered, suddenly a little hesitant, "But after dinner, Doc told him that someone wanted to call him and Nikki immediately left to go to his room and pick up the phone."

"Did Doc mention who's been on the other line?", you asked. Suddenly, you had a bad premonition of who the caller could have been.

Vince nodded. "His mother."

"Shit.", you cursed and now, you were even more worried about Nikki. Nikki hadn't been in a good mood during the last few days (and mostly, it was your fault) and a call from his mother, the woman that had always treated him like shit and that he hadn't talked to in years, was the last thing he needed at the moment.

"We have to find him.", you told Vince, "As fast as possible!"

You walked down the hallway with fast steps and Vince followed you. "Do you have an idea where he could be?", he asked.

You didn't have to think about it for long. There was only one place that came to your mind. "Yes.", you nodded, "But I think it's better if I go there on my own."

"Are you sure-"

"No.", you cut Vince off as you saw the concerned look on his face, "But if he really is where I think he is, then you shouldn't come with me. This is a thing between me and Nikki, no matter what happened in the past."

"Okay.", Vince nodded slowly, "But if you're not back in two hours, Doc has to cancel the show."

"I'll try my best.", you promised while you entered the elevator and pushed the button to the highest floor.

You were by far not ready to talk to Nikki, but finding him and making sure that he was okay was more important than the things that stood between the two of you.

-

The door that lead up onto the roof was open. Somebody had destroyed the lock and you weren't able to close the door fully as you stepped through it and started to go up the stairs.

Now that you had seen the door, you were 100% certain that Nikki was on the roof and as you saw a little puddle of Whisky on the ground, you knew that he was drunk as well. It was as if history reapeated itself, but this time, Nikki was the one who had a problem, not you. You got a little scared of what you would see when you came out of the next door that was just two meters in front of you.

You were even more afraid of Nikki's reaction to you stepping out onto the roof. Would he start to shout at you? Would he tell you to go away? Would he threaten to jump off the roof? Or would he lay there, completely passed out because he had drunken himself into a coma?

You took a deep breath as you opened the door, trying to surpress the urge to just walk away again. Nikki must have wanted me to find him, you tried to convince yourself, if not, then he would't have gone up here.

Stepping out onto the roof, you looked around, searching for the bassist. You found him immediately.

He was sitting about ten meters in front of you, dangerously close to the rim of the roof, an empty bottle of Whisky next to him and another bottle in his right hand. He took a sip out of the bottle just as you stepped forward and he froze in his movements, but he didn't turn around or say a word. After a few seconds in which you had stared at the back of his head, he put the bottle down again, still staring out at the streets of Vancouver.

Him not telling you to go to hell seemed to be a good sign, so you slowly walked up to him. It was as if he was a wild animal you tried to get close to. As if he could run away if you moved too fast.

Hesitantly, you sat down next to him. You were close, but not close enough for your bodies to touch. Nikki still wasn't looking at you, but him leaning in your direction a little was his way of telling you that he accepted your company.

You sat there in silence for a few minutes. You didn't want to say anything, knowing that a false word could make Nikki go completely nuts. The silence between the two of you gave you enough time to look at him and you didn't like what you saw.

Nikki's hair was messier than usual, as if he had guided his hands through it for way too many times. His eyes were a little red and watery and you had to ask yourself if they looked like that because of the alcohol or because he had cried. His arms were wrapped around his legs and he had pulled them up against his chest. He didn't look like the confident rockstar everyone saw in him - he looked like a little boy that had lost his mother.

After five more minutes of silence, the sun started to go down, painting the sky in a bright orange. You pushed away the thoughts of the upcoming show. Nikki was way more important than that.

The bass player took another sip out of the Whisky bottle - it was halfway empty by now. But instead of putting it back on the ground next to him, he handed it over to you. You grabbed the bottle and looked at him sheepishly. Your eyes met for a second, then he looked away quickly. Still, you had seen the pain in his eyes.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?", he asked as you put the bottle up to your lips to take as sip. Then you took at least three as you heard his voice. Usually, it was strong and firm, but now, it was quiet and slurry and sad and broken.

"I don't know.", you admitted, "Everyone was looking for you and I kind of knew that you were up here. I didn't want you to be alone with this."

"You could've just told one of the guys. You didn't have to come here.", Nikki commented.

"But I wanted to.", you replied before you gave your words a second thought. Nikki now looked at you again, a questioning look on his face.

"I mean", you tried to explain yourself, "the others wouldn't understand it like I do. And you've been there for me for so many times now - it's my turn to be there for you."

Nikki didn't response, so you decided to say what he already knew while you gave the bottle back to him. As he grabbed it, your hands brushed. "Vince told me that your mum has called you."

Taking a big sip of Whisky, Nikki nodded slowly. "Yep."

In that moment, he looked so defenseless that you wanted to cry. Seeing him like that was something you couldn't bare.

"You don't have to tell me about it.", you almost whispered, "But I'll listen if you want to."

Again, Nikki, didn't say a word. He didn't even look at you. He just took another sip of Whisky while his eyes were glued to the city underneath.

You waited for what felt like two minutes, then you sighed. "I can leave, if you want me to. I'd totally understand."

As he remained silent, you got up, brushing the dust off of your pants. You wanted to stay with him, but if he didn't want you to, then you wouldn't.

You turned around, blinking away the stupid tears the had formed in the corner of your eyes. You really understood that he didn't want you to be with him. You had broken his heart in the worse kind of way. He would do right by hating you.

Suddenly, he grabbed your wrist and you froze and turned around again. This was the first time that he touched you since two weeks and your body immediately wanted more. It was embarassing how much this normal touch made you feel. You felt like you were fourteen again and you didn't like that at all. You yourself broke things off with him, you told yourself, so stop feeling like this.

Expectingly, you looked down on Nikki. You had never seen him looking so desperate. "Don't", he whispered. And then a little louder, with an almost begging sound in his voice: "Please stay."

You gave him a little nod and sat down again. Leaving wasn't even an option now. Not again. Not when he was this lost in his own desperation.

He took another sip of Whisky and you looked at him while you were waiting for him to say something. In that moment, you wanted nothing more than kissing his pain away, but you knew that you weren't in the position to kiss him, so you didn't.

"My mum hasn't changed at all.", Nikki mumbled against the bottle and then he took the next big sip, "She called me Frank, even though she knows that that's not my name anymore. And I thought that she called because she wanted to fix things - to get her son back. But she started talking about an interview she saw. And about the fact that I'm 'a big rich star now'. I didn't even get to say a word... I hung up after five minutes of her only talking about me being famous now."

You wanted to curse her out, but as you saw a tear rolling down Nikki's cheek, you knew that it wasn't the right moment for that. Instead of saying useless phrases, you slipped a little closer to Nikki and then you slowly rested your head on his shoulder. This little movement told him more than anything you could've said.

You felt Nikki holding his breath for a few seconds and you knew that he was thinking about how close the two of you were in that moment. For a second, you thought that he would push you away, but then he rested his head on top of yours.

The feeling of actually being save with him came over you and you tried to surpress it, knowing that it wouldn't be very helpful in that moment. But, of course, it didn't work and you caught yourself slipping even closer to Nikki.

Can't I just make another excuse?, you started to think while you sat there in comfortable silence, Can't I just have him for one more night?

But in the exact same moment, you knew that you, if you would do that, would never be able to tell him goodbye for another time. And then everything would start all over again.

Panic came over you and you wanted to get up and walk away, just to get rid of the way having Nikki this close to you made you feel. But you didn't move. Nikki was more important than you right now, and leaving him all alone again was a no-go. At least that's what you told yourself.

"I missed this.", Nikki suddenly mumbled - as if he had thought of the exact same things as you, "I missed being this close to you."

You didn't want to lie to him. You weren't even able to do it. Not in a moment like this. So you nodded and whispered a quiet 'Me too'.

In your head, you went back to all the nights you had spent with him, starting with the night that had started it all: the night on the roof in New York. Thinking about it, you realized that you wouldn't change what had happened that night if you could. But you would love to change a few other things and even thinking about it made your stomach fall. Would you ever be able to be with someone without messing things up because you were too scared to let people into your life?

You felt the sudden urge to apologize to Nikki for the pain you had caused. You had put him through a lot of shit, just because you had been too selfish to let him go. You had put his hopes up again and again and then you had destroyed them. And you hadn't even told him why.

"I'm sorry about the things I did.", you said without thinking about the kind of conversation that would follow, "I know that you've got worse things on your mind right now, but I can't just sit here and remain silent."

You slipped away from Nikki so you were able to look him in the face and your eyes met his blue-green ones. You saw the sadness behind them, but on his lips, a tiny smile appeared. It faded away just a second after.

"You don't have to be sorry.", the bassist shrugged his shoulders. His breath carassed your face and you smelled the alcohol on it, but his voice wasn't as slurry as it had been as you had started talking to him. The seriousness of your conversation had sobered him up a little. "I didn't stop trying to get into your life, even though I knew that you weren't ready for a relationship."

"But I never told you why.", you mumbled, not knowing why you wanted to talk about everything now. Maybe because Nikki had told you so much about himself and because you wanted to give something back to him. Or maybe it was just because you finally wanted to get rid of the stuff you had carried around with yourself for years without talking to anybody. And Nikki was the only person you didn't get a huge panic attack whenever you thought about telling him the whole truth. Because he deserved to know it.

"I didn't explain anything.", you continued talking and now you looked away because you weren't able to look into Nikki's eyes for any longer, "I kept you on distance and put your hopes up just to destroy them again. And then I left."

The last sentence was nothing but a whisper and your voice broke at the end of it. Talking about it was much harder than you had ever thought it would be. Not that you had ever expected yourself to do it.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Y/N.", Nikki whispered, his voice as quiet as yours, "It's okay if you're not comfortable with doing it."

But by the way he looked at you now, you knew that he wanted to know the truth. He just didn't want to make you feel like you had no other choice but telling him everything, now that you had started to talk about it. And him taking care of you like this made your heart beat a little faster.

"But I want to tell you about it.", you determinded. You wanted to tell him everything before you would get scared again. "You've told me so much about yourself. You have dropped your guard so many times and I never really appreciated it because I was too caught up in being afraid of letting you in. You trusted me and now it's my turn to trust you."

"You won't regret it.", Nikki promised. And you really hoped that he was right. As if he knew that you needed something to give you the courage to start talking, Nikki handed you the bottle of Whisky again and you flashed him a tiny smile and took a sip.

"My mother got left by the man she loved more than her own life.", you started to talk after you had taken a deep breath. "And she got lost in her sadness and fell apart because of it. She started drinking and staying out late. She was a shadow of the woman she used to be. And during that time, she almost forgot that I existed. She made me food and she was there when I needed something, but she stopped acting like a mother, you know? And she never talked to me about my father and I never told her how I felt about him leaving us after he had cheated on her. I never lost a word about the fact that I missed him and that I kept asking myself what a five year old girl could do wrong to make her dad leave her all of a sudden. He didn't even call on my birthday. Still, I kept waiting for him, just like my mum did."

You made a little pause to take another sip of Whisky while you watched a cab drive along the street underneath you and disappear around the next corner. Nikki didn't try to make a comment on your story so far and you were thankful for his silence. It helped you to think straight.

"As the years went by, my mum got sober, but she started having one boyfriend after another and we moved from apartment to apartment and from house to house. I already told you about that.", you continued talking, "But all the time, she told me how bad falling in love is. How much pain it causes and that you'll get left anyway. How my dad was the best example for men loving you and leaving you as soon as there's someone who's more exiting than you are. And when you hear stuff like that from an early age on, almost every day of the week, then you start to believe it yourself. As I grew older, I put up some rules for myself, containing that I would never fall in love and go through the hell my mother had gone through. No bonding, nothing but physical love, not letting anyone inside my heart far enough to hurt me."

You had to blink away some tears that had appeared in your eyes. Nikki noticed it, but he knew that you didn't want to be touched at the moment.

"Through the years, I started to get afraid of falling in love and being in a relationship more and more. I had seen what it had done to my mother and I didn't want to end up being like her. Being too afraid of letting somebody in, I never told anyone about the things I had to go through during my childhood. I was afraid that it could get used against me. That people would leave me as soon as they would know how fucked up I really am. And now that it's all across the news, it's like a nightmare coming true." You finished your monologue with another sip out of the Whisky bottle.

Nikki didn't say a word and you looked at him sheepishly. He was staring out at the city, but he looked at you as he felt your eyes resting on him.

"You're not your mother, Y/N.", he then told you, "I think I know you pretty damn well by now and you're a stronger person than she will ever be."

His look into your eyes was nearly hypnotic and you had to force yourself to look away again.

"I know.", you then mumbled, "But when you believe in something for years and years, then it takes time to get convinced of the opposite. And when you got betrayed by the most important people in your life, then it's hard to start trusting people again."

"Not everyone wants to hurt you.", Nikki told you, "You'd be surprised by how kind people can be if you let them in. And not every relationship breaks apart. If both want to make it work then-"

"Don't you understand?", you cut off Nikki and your voice got a little louder while you got up and took a few steps back, "I've seen love fail again and again. I stopped believing in something like real love that lasts forever. And when I think about being in a relationship, I can't stop thinking about how fucked up I am and about how I can't trust anyone even if I want to. I would destroy everything! I would freak out without any reason, just to keep myself from getting hurt and meanwhile, I would hurt the person I'm with a thousand times and more! And even if that person wanted to work things out... at one point they would realize that I'm not worth all the drama."

You didn't know when you had started crying, but all of a sudden, you felt the tears that streamed down your cheeks and you quickly turned your face to the side so Nikki didn't see them.

But he had noticed them already. With a sigh, he got up and walked towards you. You shrugged back like a scared animal and he immediately stopped walking and looked at you in desperation.

You started to curse yourself for starting to talk about this topic. You had wanted to convince Nikki to come off of the roof so he could play the show tonight, but now you were the one being a mess and there was only about an hour left until you had to drive to the venue.

"You're right", Nikki said surprisingly and you looked at him, "you are fucked up and you do freak out whenever you try to keep yourself from getting hurt."

You wanted to say something, but then he started to talk again. "But", he said softly and as he stepped closer to you, you didn't back off, "you're still worth it. You're so, so, so worth it.

You didn't know what to response but as his hand caressed your cheek to whipe away your tears, you leaned into his touch.

"Can't we just go back to the others and do our shows tonight and act like we never talked about this?", you asked quietly, hoping that he would say yes. It would've made things so much easier.

But Nikki shook his head. "We can't just keep the stuff that bothers us hidden inside forever without talking about it. And we can't just stop talking about it whenever it gets uncomfortable. So please stop running away from me, Y/N."

You wanted to tell him to fuck off. You wanted to shout at him for trying to break through your walls and then you wanted to run away and leave him on this roof. You wanted to tell Doc to let Dan play the bass for Mötley Crüe tonight.

But deep inside, you didn't want these things at all. Deep inside, you wanted to trust him and to let him see the person you were underneath your armour. You just didn't want to admit it to yourself, even though you already knew it. In the back of your head, there still was this little voice telling you that Nikki was playing games with you and that trusting him would be the end of you. And this voice was the reason your heart started to beat faster and you had to breath a little heavier because it seemed like there wasn't enough air all of a sudden.

The panic wanted to take you over but you forced yourself to close your eyes and to take a few deep and slow breaths to calm yourself down. There's nothing to be afraid of, you told yourself, I can trust Nikki. He would never use it against me or tell it to everyone.

You took another deep breath. "Okay.", you then whispered. "I won't run away from you for any longer."

And while speaking these words, you realized that you wouldn't be able to do it, even if you tried. Something always took you back to Nikki and made you tell him things you had never told anyone else before.

A tiny smile formed on Nikki's lips and he leaned down to you until you smelled the Whisky on his breath. You thought that he would kiss you, he had closed his eyes already and so did you, but as he didn't get closer, you understood that he was waiting for you to take the next step. He wanted to let you know that you were in control over what happened next.

And how could you not kiss these pretty pink lips that were only waiting for you? How could you stay away from Nikki for any longer?

So you leaned forward a little, your heart pumping as if you were thirteen again and this was your very first kiss. And then your lips touched his and he let out a quiet content sigh as he pulled you closer and kissed you back.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and you pressed your body against him, needing him more than ever, but in a non-sexual way - you just wanted to be close to him. Still, the kiss stayed soft and light and sweet. It was different than all the other kisses the two of you had shared. It wasn't fueled with the usual fire but there still was this heat between you and Nikki, a heat that seemed to come from deep within.

Nikki's hands carassed your waist and left feather-like touches, as if he was scared to mess things up if he came off too strong. And you were scared as well, your hands tangled in his hair without the usual pressure. But the fact that you weren't the only one who was afraid of what would happen next made you a little more confident.

Nikki was the first one to break the kiss, but his lips still were less than 5 centimeters away from yours and neither you nor him had opened up your eyes.

"I love you.", Nikki then whispered and as you felt his breath carassing your face, you realized the meaning of his words. The last time he had said them, he had been in panic and he had tried to make you stay by using them. Still, you had left him. And now he said them again, even though he was afraid that you would run away again, no matter if you had told him you wouldn't.

You opened up your eyes and looked at him. Studied this shape of his face, the way his lips were parted just a little, the teased hair that covered his forehead. And you loved everything about it, everything about Nikki. But you didn't know if you were ready to tell him yet. It would make you more vulnerable than you had ever been and you felt your knees starting to shake. 

Nikki noticed how uncomfortable you were all of a sudden and he opended up his eyes to look at you. Immediately, you wanted to look away but he softly grabbed your chin to force you to look at him.

"You don't have to response to that.", he clarified, "It's okay."

You felt like you still had to tell him you loved him too, like it was the only right thing to say in that moment, but your own cowardness kept you from saying a word. Instead, you just pressed your lips against his to make every kind of talking absolutely impossible.

By the way you moved your lips against his, you tried to tell him everything you were too afraid to say out loud. And by the way he sighed and pulled you closer, he told you that he had gotten your message. 

"Be with me.", Nikki said with a firm voice after the two of you had stopped kissing, "Be my girlfriend."

You felt your legs shaking even harder. This question had caught you off guard. You had never thought that Nikki would ask something like this. Not after everything he knew about you. Not after he knew how much of a wreck you were.

"You still want me? Even though I'm like", you gesticulated towards yourself voilently, "this."

Nikki nodded and the look on his face made clear that he was 100% sure about his decision. You shook your head in disbelief and let out a sarcastic laughter.

"Holy shit", you coursed, "the alcohol and the drugs must've destroyed your brain."

"Maybe", Nikki shrugged his shoulders, "but not when it comes to this. I know what I want, Y/N. I want you by my side."

He was almost begging now, grabbing your hands and pulling you closer to him again. You didn't know what to say, so you remained quiet.

Just like always, a part of you wanted to tell him no. That would be easier. It would be saver. And you wouldn't be scared to get left.

But a much bigger part of you wanted to say yes. And for the first time, you wanted to stop being a coward and actually allow that part to excist. So even though your whole body was shaking from nervousness and panic, you forced yourself to nod.

"Okay.", you mumbled and as Nikki looked at you in disbelief, you repeaded it a little louder. "Okay. I'll be your girlfriend."

You forced yourself not to think about everything that could go wrong and about all the stuff that would change now. You had said the words and there was no way of taking them back again.

While you tried to calm down, a big smile formed on Nikki's lips. There was nothing but pure happiness in his eyes.

You wanted to say something, but Nikki had already pressed his lips against yours. You kissed him back in the same euphoric way and you felt him smiling into the kiss.

Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up into the air. Out of reflex, you wrapped your arms around his neck and the bottle of Whisky slipped out of your hands and shattered on the ground. Nikki just laughed and started spinning you around while a surprised noise left your mouth.

After he had put you down again, he smiled at you with such a bright and loving smile that you couldn't help but smile back at him. Then he pulled you into a tight hug and you let yourself sink into his touch while he carassed your waist and your back.

"I think we have to go back to the others.", he said after you had stood there in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the fact that you were so close to each other.

"Or we could just stay here.", you suggested, knowing that not even the two of you were selfish enough to let the others down.

Nikki laughed and took a step back while taking your hand. "They need us."

"I know.", you sighed and then you smiled at him again. "They will freak out when we tell them about us."

"If we tell them.", Nikki corrected you and winked at you. You shook your head and your smile fainted a little.

"We can't keep it a secret.", you determinded, "They would find out and then they would hate us for not telling them."

"I know.", Nikki nodded, "But I thought of Doc. That poor guy will get a heart attack when he finds out that he has to put up with the two of us causing trouble together."

"Don't you think that we'll have a good influence on each other?", you asked and raised an eyebrow. As you saw the look on Nikki's face, you started laughing. There was no way the two of you would slow down now that you were together.

"C'mon now.", Nikki said and kissed you on the cheek, taking away what had been left of the tears you had cried just ten minutes ago. "We have to do a show tonight."

You nodded and together, you started to walk towards the door that would bring you back into reality, knowing that the most important show tonight would take place in a hotel lobby.

_______________________________________________

[hibenjibye]

Apocalypse Dog

The first red flag in my relationship with God came in 2000 when Sega released Poo-Chi, a robotic toy dog.

I was 11 and had recently become obsessed with a kid's magazine called K-Zine or Kid-Zone or K-Hole or something, which was comprised of ads for toys and clearly fake interviews with teen idols.

K-Hole: You did a great job in Titanic! Thanks got sitting down with us, Leo! What's your favourite colour?

Leo: Definitely brown! I asked the director of Titanic to give my character lots of brown clothes! I think that's a cool colour!

To this day my compulsive cover-to-cover digestion of this magazine, full of people and things I cared nothing about, remains a mystery that gives me a sense of curious unease whenever I consider it. Probably because it serves as a reminder of the ultimately transient nature of personality and the fundamental unknowability of the self. When I, a phlegmatic child who enjoyed novels about family sagas and drinking coffee with the emotionally incestuous adults in my life, pinned a free poster of Nikki Webster wearing a bubblegum pink tube top and body glitter on my bedroom wall, who was I in that moment? What invisible audience was I performing for? Who did I believe I might become via this strange action?

It is for a similar reason, I suppose, that 20 years later I still think about a competition the magazine ran which offered readers the chance to win a Poo-Chi.

I had no idea what this dog did, other than represent the spirit of the new millennium with its sleek metallic body and tense stance. As the child of Jehovah's Witnesses I entered this century with the suspicion that a long-predicted apocalypse might be fulfilled at midnight, January 1st 2000, and with every day that fiery hail did not fall from the sky that year I developed an exhilarating sense that I was living in an unpromised and unpredictable cyber-future too advanced and impressive for God himself to interrupt. Maybe this was what I saw in Poo-Chi's dead red LED eyes: a sleek defiance of our Lord's bipolar love and threats.

Either way, I knew when I saw the ad for the competition that I must win the dog. I had never wanted anything so singularly in my life, suddenly. This is odd because I had never wanted a toy from any ad before -- The closest I came was shaking my mother awake one morning a year earlier when I uncharacteristically woke up at dawn and discovered a TV show where a woman was showcasing gorgeous pieces of statement jewellery that were marked down and disappearing fast. The woman rued the fact that there weren't enough topaz necklaces for her to buy one herself and I cried into my cereal when my desperation to procure one of these treasures, which I would have kept in my bottom bureau drawer and looked at every day, was unfairly dismissed.

A similar chasm opened up in me as I wrote my submission to the magazine explaining why I deserved the dog most. I tried to funnel my absolute need for it into my words, which did not seem to convey the urgency of the situation. I had a vague sense that if I received the Poo-Chi, which surely I would, it would be my best friend and possibly learn to perform tricks that a lesser child would not know to teach it. It seemed like the kind of magic robot whose arrival might catalyse the beginning of a child's adventure in a movie, and I had been waiting my whole life for my movie to begin. I'm not sure I managed to articulate any of this in the letter.

*

This memory becomes its strangest when, on a grey Sunday morning, I interrupt my mother’s vacuuming to ask if Jehovah would be insulted if I were to ask for his assistance in winning the dog. I've always prayed, at this point, and never asked for any selfish favours so it feels very likely that my good karma is ready to be cashed in. But first I want to make sure that God won't be offended and potentially even stop me from winning the dog to teach me some sort of rude lesson. I feel so close to winning by now and I don't want to let anything fuck up my plan.

My mother says there's no harm in asking but I should make it clear in my prayer that I know I don't necessarily deserve the robot dog, I'm just asking in case God is open to making my dreams come true and was waiting for the right opportunity. She reminds me of children suffering and dying in the world and I feel a stab of compulsive grief for them but I also feel that our situations are apples and oranges.

I pay an awkward amount of attention to my posture when I pray that night, not wanting to look like an entitled slob as I kneel over my bed asking for a handout. I keep my back straight and my fingers lightly laced. I confirm that I'm just asking, no worries if not, but this wish does represent everything I've ever wanted and I will be sad for a long time if I don't get it.

I do not mention the fact that the last time I requested something via prayer it was for a drunken brawl between my parents to come to a quick end but it indeed lasted all night, rattling my heart through the wall as I lay in bed. It seemed tacky to bring up this overlooked request however I felt hopeful that God would remember it and feel guilty, and this would compound my chances of getting my wish.

*

I forgot all about the competition but received a velcro wallet in the mail months later, one of three runner-up prizes. I was elated to have won something and showed it to everyone, even though it was ugly as shit with a picture of the weird dog and his robot cat friend on the front. I used it for years.

There was no doubt in my mind that the wallet was a message from God. It was both an acknowledgement of my prayer and a rebuke of my hubris in making such a lofty request. The wallet was a spiky little joke, meant to comfort and humble me. It was haloed in an odd dissonance which felt connected to my broader feelings about the unpredictable man in the sky.

In my teens when I began to pick apart all my ties to religion and to my family's unique version of reality, I didn't consider the awkward prayer about Poo-Chi to share any throughline with the uncanny path of spiritual emancipation and disconnection I ended up on. But in retrospect all of those strange feelings swam in the same pond. The wide-eyed waiting for a punctuating sound through the wall or from the sky. The rickety hope of walking out into a still-standing world every day, with its dubious promises and nonsensical lessons.

I continue to look for easy adventures and strange friendship through electronic devices. I am still mesmerised by statement jewellery and emotionally derailed by other people's conflicts.

If this story had an ending, which it doesn't because it isn't really a story, I would imagine it to be the above two sentences appearing during end credits over a freeze frame of me smiling and giving a goofy thumbs-up.

There would be a tricky post-credit scene as everyone stepped out of the theatre, of a Poo-Chi standing on a cloud in Heaven. A sandalled God walks over and leans down to pet the little friend, whose LED eyes light up red and beam out zooming rays. God shouts once as he takes the death ray right in his solar plexus and explodes into a dozen pieces. His still-sandalled foot is dragged to a quiet corner of the clouds to be chewed. The volume of a pop-rock song playing in the background returns in full. The end.