#when he said ill b helping out from the shadows

[zushimart]

[purpleyoonn]

The Line Between Love and War 10

C H A P T E R  10:  Bad Memories and Family Time

“It is said that the night sky is made up of tiny wishes that humans were never able to fulfill. That the stars only became bright by the fulfillment of those wishes. In your eyes, the stars that shine never seemed real, your childhood wishes dark and dim as you grow. But now, now you understand the twinkle in their eyes as they look down at you.”

Summary: Your experiences told you that soulmates were something you would never have the pleasure of having; something not given to you because of who you are, despite the soulmark that resides on your inner left wrist. During your solo trip to Los Angeles, you find out that you are more than capable, that your soulmates had been waiting for you for a long time, and would not be letting you go anytime soon.

Genre: soulmate au, bts au, idol bts, polyamory relationship, eventual smut

Paring: Idol!BTS x autistic!mc

Status: Ongoing (randomly updated)

Warnings: mental illness, talk of disability, lots of angst, miscommunication, feelings of depression, feelings of isolation, polyamory bts, stalking, dangerous behavior, eventual smut,

Chapter Warnings: a bad memory, major insecurities, family issues, sensory problems, mc is tense and uncomfortable, Hobi’s family is to sweet for the world, mc ptsd, 

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Masterlist // Chapter 9 // Chapter 11

————————————————–

Previously on The Line Between Love and War:

“Let’s take some pictures with our shirts on! You can post that!” You jumped from the couch at his words, the three of you quickly moving to change into the new shirts.

You had Jimin take the photos, your soulmate quick to have you doing different poses. You went with two of them, one with each of you showing your ‘muscles’, and the other was one that Jimin took when you all were laughing. You captioned it with a smiley face emoji and a laughing one before posting.

Jimin looked over at Jin, a happy yet sly smirk on his face as they realized his plan to change the subject worked, getting your mind off what happened and helping you make more memories with the boys.

When Namjoon returned, he was alone, and happy to find you laughing as you hung off Jungkook’s back, your arms around his neck as he spun in circles, Taehyung and Hobi recording the moment.

The following morning you woke up in the arms of Hobi, his low voice speaking into the phone he held to his ear. You couldn’t make out any words in your tired state, so you just continued to admire his morning voice from where you rested against his chest. You snuggled into the warmth your mate provided.

“She is not awake yet Mom. Yes, I promise. I booked the same restaurant as last time. Give her an hour or so.” You listened in as he spoke to his mom. You loved Hobi’s mom. She was the sweetest person you had met, even over the phone. And it made sense. Both of her children were also sweet.

“I know you’re awake pretty girl.” You felt his fingers trace alongside your jaw, moving until the bopped the tip of your nose.

“No, I’m not.” You mumbled back, oblivious to the loving grin on his lips. Pressing a kiss to your pouty lips, he moved his hand to brush back some hair from your face.

“My mother and sister are eagerly awaiting their day with you, baby. They’ve called me a couple of times now, wondering if you were awake.” Hobi mused as he watched you try to fight off your sleep.

It took a couple of seconds for his words to register, but when they did you almost knocked your forehead into his chin.

“Wait a minute! What time is it?” You ask him in a rush, your words almost slurring as they wake you up.

“It’s only nine o’clock, darling.” His words have you pushing yourself away from him, causing a sad groan to have his lips as you leave his embrace. He watches you rush around the room, gathering the clothes Jin had laid out for you the night before, the eldest picking matching clothes out for everyone, the creams and beiges creating a color-coded cohesive look.

“I promised them I would be ready by nine! Hobi, your mom is probably so mad with me! I’m never late for anything.” Your words are rushed, disappointment and sadness bursting from your body as you try to get changed as quickly as you can.

You were so upset with yourself for sleeping in, you didn’t want anyone to be mad at your or disappointed. You had enough of that at home and you didn’t thing you could handle the way you felt when you thought someone was upset with you, especially your soulmates or their families. You wanted them to see you as someone who had everything together, who never made mistakes or did anything wrong.

You could practically hear your mother sighing in your ear, could see the way she rolled her eyes and looked down at you.

“Would it kill you to do something right for once? I wanted you hear by six and its twenty past.” Your mother stood in front of you, her arms crossed against her chest as she stood next to her friends. Her eyebrows were perfectly sculpted and her makeup immaculate as she stared you down.

“You told me to be here at six thirty? I thought I was early…” You trailed off at the sound of one of her friends trying to muffler her laughter.

“No, darling.” You cringed at the nickname, hating the tone she said it with. “I told you to be here at six. And now you’ve embarrassed me by arriving so late. And dressed like this!” She gestured to you, causing you to look down.

You were dressed in what you thought was appropriate for a kid’s birthday party. You were wearing a pair of light wash jeans and a nice t-shirt, something you normally wouldn’t wear. You were itchy beyond belief and dug your nails into your palm to stop you from scratching at your skin.

“I don’t understand.” You say as you look back up at your mother. You watched as laughter fell from her lips and she turned to her friends.

“I swear, I have to pick out everything for her, she doesn’t know anything about clothes!” Her entire group of friends laugh as you now clutch the bottom of your shirt, feeling the tears build up in your eyes again.

“Go sit down, before you embarrass me even more.” You hear your mother tell you, nodding in response before moving to sit down at one of the tables at the edge of the large yard.

“Pretty girl, that’s it. Look at me.” You feel Hobi’s hands on your cheeks, turning your head to look at him. You could feel him wipe away tears you didn’t know had appeared.

“There you are. Hi baby.” He smiles at you, seeing the fog in your eyes disappear the longer he held your cheeks in his palms.

“Hi Hobi.” You whisper back, eyes focusing on his.

“Are you okay? You kind of just froze.” He moved some hair out of your face, placing it behind your ear as he watched you.

“It’s nothing. I just, uh, I need to get ready.” You moved out of his grip and returned to rushing to the bathroom, quickly changing your clothes and making sure not to wrinkle it, not wanting Jin’s wrath.

You do your skin care routine, trying to follow the steps that Jimin had Namjoon write out in English for you, but you skip a couple of steps, not wanting anyone to be annoyed that they had to wait on you.

It takes you all of five minutes to get ready, grabbing your small purse holding what you need for the day as you move into the living area, bumping into Yoongi who is munching on a small tangerine.

“Baby, what’s got you in such a rush?” Yoongi’s hands grasp onto your side, steadying you before you fall forward.

Yoongi notices the flush of your face and the way your eyes were red. He knew something was wrong, but he could tell by the way your jaw was clenched that you didn’t want to talk. He wondered if he knew what was wrong, having seen a lot of your past.

“I’m late to meet Hobi’s mom and Jiwoo and I don’t want them to have to wait for me.” Was your simple response, yet it had him confused.

“Why would they be upset with you? Didn’t Hobi tell them that you would be there in an hour?” Yoongi’s eyebrow raised as he walked with you to the couch where Jimin was relaxing, a movie on the large television.

“When we talked yesterday, we promised nine o’clock. That’s when we agreed to meet at the spa.” You muttered, not liking that his questions were making you even more late than you already were. You were becoming anxious, and the two in the room could tell.

Jimin adjusted his position on the couch so he could move to sit behind you, pulling you back into his chest and wrapping his arms around you. You tried to push him away, but he was strong as he held you to him.

Jimin started humming Serendipity, his voice coming out soft as you did what he hoped you would. You started to relax into him, letting your head rest on his chin as he peppered kisses along your jaw.

Jimin sang the song softly a couple of times, making sure that you were truly calm and your heart rate had lowered, no longer feeling it beat against his chest, before pulling away.

“Now baby, you have plenty of time because Hobi’s family isn’t going to be here until after ten, okay? So, sit with me, hmm?” He pulled you with him to lay down on the sofa, your body rested on top of his as he held you close to his chest.

You tried your hardest to be upset with the way Jimin just…rerouted your brain with his voice, but you couldn’t. You had never been able to work yourself out of an anxious spiral before, and you were amazed that he was able to help you stay afloat.

You felt like you were floating, muscles relaxed as you laid on top of your soulmate, his hand on your back, rubbing different patterns and words onto your sweater. Your hand was clinging to his shirt, fist clenched in the fabric as you breathed in his scent. Eyes closed as you listened to him laugh at something done on the tv.

You were so relaxed you didn’t even hear Namjoon open the door to Hobi’s family. His mom, dad, and sister walking through the door and placing their bags down.

You were supposed to be going out with his mom, Eunha, and his sister, Jiwoo, to the spa and lunch before doing some exploring with them. His dad, Hosung, was gonna spend the day with Hobi and Taehyung, who had wanted to join the two in their plans. The others were going to be relaxing as they had their first concert the next day.

“Now, where is our darling daughter at? I can’t wait for our spa day!” Eunha exclaimed, reaching forward to move past her son.

You were slowly moved into a seated position, Jimin doing the hard work and helping you both sit up. He had a smile on his face as he noticed your glazed over expression. Pressing a soft kiss to your lips, he helped you make sure your hair and clothes were nice before helping you stand.

“She’s right here mom!” Jimin hollered, a grin on his lips as Eunha rushed over and brought you into a tight hug. A grunt left your lips at the tightness now around your middle. You slowly brought your arms around Hobi’s mom before Hobi came over.

“Mom…” Hobi let out a warning tone, only for his mom to wave him off.

“I know, I’m sorry. I forgot.” His mom pulls away from you, taking a couple of steps back before noticing how tense your body had become.

“I am sorry for hugging you without asking. My son has told me about your sensory issues and I forgot about them in my excitement. I promise it won’t happen again.” You were absolutely stunned that she had apologized for hugging you. You’ve never had that happen before, and you completely ignored the wording of her sentences, trying to push away the already tense emotional feeling you were experiencing after the flashback of your own mom.

You nodded your head in response, which thankfully didn’t bother the older woman. She just looked at you with a soft expression, her smile permanently etched to her lips as she gestures you forward.

“Well, my daughter, I believe we have a spa appointment to get to.” Eunha talks slowly, remembering that you were still learning the Korean language. You appreciated her actions, reciprocating her smile as you moved forward and put your shoes on, standing in front of the door.

It took about ten minutes for you, Eunha, and Jiwoo to finally leave through the door. The boys were adamant about giving you their own goodbyes, Taehyung and Yoongi especially greedy as they kept pulling kisses from your lips. Namjoon practically had to pull Taehyung from around you, a large pout on his lips as he playfully whined, arms reaching for you as your elder mate pulled him away.

-*-*-

The spa was something you couldn’t have imagined.

It had baths of mud and beds where you could be wrapped in seaweed.

You hadn’t seen anything like it before, and didn’t feel comfortable with new textures, even with your desire to have Hoseok’s family like you. You were still a little anxious that you had kept them waiting, and still was unsure if they were going to be upset with you over it or not.

Yet, Eunha and Jiwoo reminded you of Hobi, their love palpable and their happiness and kindness visible as they smiled at you. You could feel yourself becoming relaxed in their presence, like you belonged with them.

You picked a soft lavender color for your nails, Eunha and Jiwoo choosing the same color with grins on their faces, mischief glowing on their cheeks.

“I want to match with my daughters.” Eunha had spoken in the same soft and slow tone, the nail tech smiling up at her. The spa was a Korean spa, one that Hobi and Yoongi had discovered on one of their exploration trips of the city.

You had felt loved and appreciated, like you belong, and it was a new and different feeling than what you had with your soulmates. This was…like you had family.

“Have you been here before?” Jiwoo asked you as you settled down in a private room at the back of the restaurant. You had been rubbing your hands, the lotion on your skin feeling like oil. You tried to tell the woman you didn’t want the lotion, but it seemed like you fumbled your Korean a bit.

You were originally going to be seated on the balcony of the restaurant, but you were unknowingly followed from the hotel. It seemed that your face was known, and people wanted to know more. This led to Hoseok calling the restaurant and changing the plans a little, sending two more security to accompany the already four you had, Seungho included.

Your pictures were all over army twitter, Namjoon had seen. Some calling for your privacy and others wanting to know more. It was all weird to you and had you feeling like bugs were crawling over your skin, making you remove your sweater to reveal the cream t-shirt and black leggings.

“I haven’t. This is my first time in the city.” You revealed as the waiter came by with the menus. You recognized some items on the menu, but your eyes caught on the option for chicken tenders and French fries, what you called the classic safe food.

You tempered over your options, going with something what was safe or choosing to fit in with Hobi’s family and pick something else. It all came down to how you already felt. Would a new pick trigger your sensory issues and make you melt down? Or would it not affect anything and you go on showing his family that you could fit in with them.

By the time you made your decision, the waiter had already come back with your choice of drinks and his notebook.

“Alright. What can I get for you?”

“I will have the chicken tenders and fries please.” Jiwoo spoke in her bets English, making your eyes widen in shock. You figured she would pick something else. When the waiter looked at you, you just told him you would have the same thing, adding ranch on the side. You didn’t hear what Eunha had picked because Jiwoo moved closer to you.

“I love their chicken tenders. They are so crispy and taste so good!” Jiwoo told you, bouncing a little in her seat, seemingly excited for her order. Hearing her words, your shoulders relaxed and you became way more at ease with everything.

Maybe you were overthinking everything…like normal.

“I am so happy that the boys have found you.” Eunha spoke as soon as the waiter had left, her gaze soft as she watched you sit forward in your seat. Eunha and Jiwoo had spent the entire day hoping that you would feel comfortable around them.

Hoseok had spoken with them, frequently over the years about his soul sight, everything he found out about you, he would confide in them. So, they knew more about you than you did them, unfortunately. Eunha and Jiwoo were aware of your disability and were aware of your wariness around strangers. They had just hoped that the number of times they had video-called with you had eased the tension and made them more familiar to you.

But it was okay, they were patient and had plenty of time to help you become more comfortable with them. They wanted to become your family, wanted to become the people in your corner.

“They all spent years looking for you. Had their eyes practically glued to social media for a long time. Hobi especially went through tiktok, hoping you used your actual picture as your profile picture, or that you posted videos of yourself.” Jiwoo followed her mom’s lead, trying to ease your discomfort.

“He always told us how sweet you were, any little thing you accomplished he would brag to us about it, proud of you.” You had little tears in your eyes now, blinking them away as you listened to them.

“I uh, never thought I would have a soulmate. I didn’t get a bond like that, with any of them. Thought something was wrong with me.” You laughed at yourself, self-deprecatingly as you remembered your years of research.

“I never expected this, any of it. I just wanted to come to the city, a vacation by myself so I didn’t have to stress. But now, I have seven soulmates who love me more than anything in the world. It’s…. like I’m dreaming.” You confess, trying to tell them that you didn’t know, that you didn’t mean to not look for them, thinking that was why they were telling you these things.

“I figure, things will happen when fate deems it to. We are just happy you were able to find your way to them. You don’t ever have to worry about anything with us…we just want you to feel comfortable with us.” Eunha’s hand moved to hold yours, pausing a couple inches from yours as she asked permission before continuing.

“I’m sorry I—” You paused, realizing that they knew you were uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, honey. We just wanted you to know that we already love you and see you as family.” Eunha’s words have you crying, tears streaming down your cheeks. You try to wipe them away with your palm, but Jiwoo moves, handing you her napkin and helping you so your eyes wouldn’t become puffy. That’s the sight the waiter walked up to, plates of food in hand.

This small moment, Jiwoo helping you and Eunha holding your hand, changed your entire mindset; you felt okay, like you were with people who genuinely cared for you. You were ready to do whatever you could to get the boys’ families to like you, but it seemed like you didn’t have to.

You hadn’t even imagined that their families could have known about you, that the boys had told them all about you, what they knew from the soul bonds. Hadn’t envisioned that their families would have already accepted you and your bond to their boys.

And it had you happy, knowing you didn’t have to mask around them. Didn’t have to create a persona that wasn’t you.

And you relaxed, even began to joke around and laugh with Jiwoo and Eunha as you finished your lunch and walked around outside, exploring your surroundings and taking pictures as you went.

You even took pictures upon Jiwoo’s insistence, her smile having you agree to her whims before you can even blink. A couple pictures of you and Jiwoo, of the three of you together, and then a couple of Eunha, with her arms wrapped around you in a hug.

“I need pictures with my daughter to show my friends.” Was her excuse for extra pictures, making you grin back at her. You didn’t mind, even posting some pictures on your Instagram afterwards, putting a small heart over her face to keep her anonymity like Hobi wanted.

You ended up spending the entire day with them, getting frozen yogurt and buying a couple of things that Jiwoo picked out for you, saying you would look beautiful in them. They were even cotton like you wanted.

It was an amazing day with family.

MC’s Instagram Post:

Next Chapter

[valewritessss]

WHAT CABIN DO YOU THINK THE KOTLC CHARACTERS WOULD BE IN??

OKAY OKAY OKAY IVE BEEN READY FOR THIS ONE

Sophie- photographic memory is giving me Athena child, but she very well could be something else. It’s hard to tell when we’re talking about ability-based bc she has so many. Out of all the characters she’s the one I struggle the most with to assign a cabin

Dex- Hephaestus for obvious reasons, but also because Leo in hoo talks about being left out a lot and the fact that Dex gets less page time than Silveny says lots about that

Biana and Fitz- I think Fitz and Biana would both be Aphrodite kids bc a) they’re siblings so it makes sense for them to be the same cabin and b) it’s constantly mentioned how beautiful they are. I honestly think all of the Vackers would be. If any of them had charmspeak it would definitely be Alvar and maybe Fitz, which would give chance for such good Fitz rage. And like I said in my other post, Biana is a prime example of what the Aphrodite cabin would be like if written correctly and not just handed the “femininity makes me weak” role. She slays literally and figuratively.

Keefe- APOLLO APOLLO APOLLO (not just bc he’s blond just think about it really think about it) I want to explain but I can’t form the words so just think about it plsss

Marella- abilities would make her Hephaestus for sure, some of her personality traits would make her Aphrodite, but i don’t think she’d be a demigod I’d think she’d join the hunters of Artemis. OR OR OR she’s a child of Hephaestus and joins then joins the hunters (I forgot that was an option for a second)

Tam- so I looked into it and child of Hecate seems pretty good? I mean darkness and his ability with shadows is kind of eerie-like, and perfectly fit with Hecate. Also, the ability to control the mist sounds like a Tam thing

Linh- well, we’re all thinking it right? Poseidon. But less of the raging storm more of the gentle ocean waves kissing your feet and occasionally the raging storms. Like a touch of sadness and sorrow but easy to see the beauty in it so it’s not scary. Idk if that made sense Im spewing words here.

Wylie- I was thinking maybe Athena because he sees reason, you know? And I read Kotlc a very long time ago so I don’t remember much about him. He had that studious vibe to him idk. I’m going purely based off of feels rn😭

Stina- Nemesis. Okay okay, here me out. Girly holds her grudges, she’s a little mean, but she doesn’t let that stop her from helping Silveny whatever the motive may be. And if we’re thinking story wise, it’s like Ethan Nakamura if you squint but it’s there I can’t explain it. Seems bad, can be bad, but she’s proof that it’s never 100% bad, people have layers, like an onion

Maruca- Ares, and the reason is because she’s pretty bluntly honest, and she’s hella determined. Ares kids are mostly seen to be very frank, and that fits her perfectly. And her determination is a trait we can see in Clarisse(most of the time in the form of stubbornness, ahem, refusing to fight) but ofc in their world everything is sunshine and rainbows so determination, not stuborness. In all seriousness I mean determination because it fits her more than stubbornness but they’re similar traits. Idk I’m getting off topic

Those were all the characters I could think of at the top of my head and if you disagree with any let me know I just did these for fun nothing serious

I would love it if anyone wants to send me characters that I didn’t do and ill give them a cabin😊

[dufferpuffer]

~~ Looking at Lycanthropy ~~

Part 3: Regarding the 'Full Moon'...

There is something fucky with the transformation night in POA. I'm going to fine-toothed comb it, collect the extra information we get about Lycanthropy from it – and try to make sense of it all.

Looking at Lycanthropy (all parts)

Words: Approx. 4000

Physical Symptoms (What he feels; what he does; what happens - factual.) Perceived Symptoms (How he seems to others, health focused) Social Perception (What people think of him; His social situation) Self Perception (What he thinks about himself) Timing Information Potion information

NIGHT OF THE TRANSFORMATION – Chapters 17 - 21 Note that there is adrenaline, stress, secrets, emotions whipping back and forth – dialogue is split between seven characters. Describing Lupin's symptoms takes a back-seat to exposition. For example: Lupin looking 'pale' in a quiet moment on the train is one thing... but in a high tension situation? It's more likely to be the mood of the setting rather than describing his illness. But I am listing his more erratic behaviour anyway. B^)

Chapter 17

Pg 244 + 245 The very last rays of the sun were casting a bloody light over the long-shadowed grounds. … … Light was fading fast now by the time they reached open ground, darkness was settling like a spell around them. … … But harry had just seen - slinking towards them, his body low to the ground, wide yellow eyes glinting eerily in the darkness - Crookshanks. … … Something was bounding towards them out of the dark - an enormous, pale-eyed, jet-black dog.

The sun is setting – and has set – long before Remus arrives. Interesting. More on this later.

pg 252 The door of the room burst open in a shower of red sparks and Harry wheeled around as Professor Lupin came hurtling into the room, his face bloodless, his wand raised and ready. His eyes flickered over Ron, lying on the floor, over Hermione, cowering near to the door, to Harry, standing there with his wand covering Black, and then to Black himself, crumpled and bleeding at Harry's feet. 'Expelliarmus!' Lupin shouted. Harry's wand flew once more out of his hand; so did the two Hermione was holding. … … Then Lupin spoke, in an odd voice, a voice that shook with some suppressed emotion. 'Where is he, Sirius?'

Remus barges into a room with Sirius, three children and supposedly Peter. He doesn't know whether Sirius or Peter are guilty – but he puts the safety of the children last by taking their wands and speaking to Sirius when there is at least one murderer in the room.

pg 253 'Hermione, listen to me, please!' Lupin shouted. 'I can explain-' … … There was a ringing silence. Everyone's eyes were now on Lupin, who looked remarkably calm, though rather pale. … … Ron made a valiant effort to get up again, but fell back with a whimper of pain. Lupin made towards him, looking concerned, but Ron gasped, 'Get away from me, werewolf!' Lupin stopped dead. Then, with an obvious effort, he turned to Hermione and said, 'How long have you known?' 'Ages,' Hermione whispered. 'Since I did Professor Snape's essay...' 'He'll be delighted.' said Lupin cooly. 'He set that essay hoping someone would realise what my symptoms meant. Did you check the lunar chart and realise I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realise the Boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?' 'Both,' Hermione said quietly. Lupin forced a laugh.

Remus is about to have his secret revealed – and for the first time shouts at the children. He is understandably terrified of them knowing, but as soon as its out returns right back to a forced, controlled calm... but the mask has slipped, and we can see underneath at his true feelings. Note that Ron's initial reaction is prejudice, like his mother.

pg 254 'You know how to work it?' Harry asked suspiciously. 'Of course I know how to work it,' said Lupin, waving his hand impatiently. 'I helped write it. I'm Moony - that was my friends' nickname for me at school.' … … 'How d'you know about the Cloak?' 'The number of times I saw James disappearing under it ...' said Lupin, waving an impatient hand again.

Harry is giving him a moment to explain himself, but he acts like THIS whenever asked a reasonable question...? Remus is waffling on about himself instead of Sirius, Peter – or making the kids safe. He is explaining what he feels is most important first: himself. Clawing back the trust and control he just lost instead of prioritizing the kids, or Sirius, or Peter.

Chapter 18

pg 256 'Sirius, NO!' Lupin yelled, launching himself forwards and dragging Black away from Ron again, 'WAIT! You can't do it just like that - they need to understand - we've got to explain -'

Lupin intends to commit kill on the rat – even though doing so would probably sentence him to Azkaban, or straight to a Kiss. He is ready to throw his life away but not before he makes sure the kids 'understand' him. There is a murderer in the room, one Lupin intends to kill – and yet he is prioritizing his image...? Also he is strong enough to hold a skinny, thin Sirius back. Not too surprising – so was a cat.

pg 257 Then Hermione spoke, in a trembling, would-be calm sort of voice, as though trying to will Professor Lupin to talk sensibly. 'But Professor Lupin ... Scabbers can't be Pettigrew ... it just can't be true, you know it can't...' 'Why can't it be true?' Lupin said calmly, as though they were in class, and Hermione had simply spotted a problem in an experiment with Grindylows.

Hermione I am sorry he is too far gone right now. Unreasonable.

pg 258 'The Shrieking Shack was never haunted... the screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me.'He pushed his greying hair out of his eyes, thought for a moment, then said, 'That's where all of this starts - with my becoming a werewolf. None of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten... and if I hadn't been so foolhardy...'He looked sober and tired.

The noises a werewolf makes are more similar to ghosts than wolves. He blames himself for... everything. Peter being a rat and a nasty git. Life would be good if he wasn't a werewolf? Ok, bro. Nice self loathing you've got there.

'I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The Potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform... I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.' 'Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month. It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me.'

- He was a very young boy when bitten – and survived. We know that being bitten is no small matter, that another small boy has died from it. He is lucky, too, that his parents kept/stood by him. - Wolfsbane is not a cure – but it is a cure to the lack of control from it. (More on that in part 5). By calling it a cure, it is like he values the control it gives him most of all and wants the children to think of him as cured, at least cured from being dangerous... ...despite missing his dose today. - Wolfsbane 'makes him safe'; 'keeps his mind'; 'curls up in his office' a 'harmless waiting wolf'. How safe is a 'harmless wolf'...? How much of his mind does he keep...? Something more than a 'fully fledged monster', I suppose... - He couldn't expect to come to Hogwarts because other people would not accept him. While that is true – we know there are laws. We know he is the ONLY werewolf to have attended Hogwarts despite Fenrir making a point to bite children. There is a little more going on than just 'parent mad'. I think it is safe to say he is being hyperbolic. That he is a 'monster' normally, that he is 'a harmless wolf' on the potion, he couldn't go to school for a silly little reason like 'grown-ups hate him'... it's him pleading with the kids. He isn't lying but he is playing it up/down.

One piece of information I want to point out here: he 'curls up in his office, a harmless wolf, to wait for the moon to wane again'. Whether he wants to or not, whether he closes all the curtains and hides under the desk: He WILL transform.

pg 259 'My transformations in those days were - were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits.' … … 'And they didn't desert me at all. Instead they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi.'

First of all: jesus christ... werewolves scream like ghosts, like people. Second: Best times of his life. I wanna bring this up in a post about Patronus', why his is a wolf: Being a werewolf itself, when free to wander, seems to be a positive experience.

pg 260 'They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals,' said Lupin. 'A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. ... Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.'

He is lying here – or oversimplifying – because he told Hagrid he didn't 'eat anything last night', as in didn't eat Buckbeak. There is something more going on that made being an Animagi safe. Something that, when running around with other 'human intelligent' animals, increased his capacity for control and intelligent thought. He no longer self-harmed when he had a 'pack'.

'Soon we were roaming the school grounds and the village by night. Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check.' … … 'That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?''A thought that still haunts me,' said Lupin heavily. 'And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless - carried away with our own cleverness.'

A stag and/or a large dog is similar in strength to a well-fed teenage werewolf... but not enough to ensure safety. The thought of losing control, of those near misses, haunts him... though he is about to have some near misses damn soon. He is being reckless again right now.

pg 261 'He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job, when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am.'

Thankful to have a job – it's unheard of to knowingly hire a werewolf.

Chapter 19

pg 263 'I found this at the base of the Whomping Willow,' said Snape, throwing the Cloak aside, careful to keep his wand pointing at directly at Lupin's chest. 'Very useful, Potter, I thank you...' 'I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your Potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along.'

Severus has just been to Remus' office. Remus didn't enter the Willow until it was already dark - and has spent a chapter and a half yapping. Severus felt confident entering Remus' office when the sun had set. Maybe he was just that desperate to reach him in the nick of time...? But Severus didn't bring the goblet with him to the Willow, even knowing the children were there. He has been antsy about Remus' Lycanthropy all year – but isn't forcing it down his throat...? He is far more concerned with Remus' actions as a human traitor then the potential of him being a wolf tonight. The invisibility cloak likely wouldn't work against a werewolf – but even if it did, sneaking around listening to Remus blabber on for minutes on end is hardly the actions of someone who thinks a transformation is potentially imminent.

'Two more for Azkaban tonight,' said Snape, his eyes now gleaming fanatically. 'I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this... he was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin... a tame werewolf...' pg 264/265 'Come on, all of you,' he said. He clicked his fingers, and the ends of the cords that bound Lupin flew into his hands. 'I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him, too –' … … 'Dont ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works,' hissed Snape.

A tame werewolf sounds like a joke to 'regular' people. They are considered, in some way, mentally unwell. Severus has bound Remus in magical cords – but I doubt that would be effective if he transformed. If they were then dealing with werewolves would be as simple as binding them. He is emotionally unstable, but being reasonable: immobilizing the threats and shepherding the children to safety. I doubt he, of anyone, would slip up so badly as to allow Remus to transform... which means he doesn't expect him to transform on the way to the castle.

pg 273 'Shall we kill him together?' 'Yes, I think so,' said Lupin grimly.

Lupin is so calm about killing Peter for revenge, even though it'll almost certainly get both him and Sirius put in Azkaban – if not Kissed, like Severus suggested. This is essentially a suicidal move. His last wish is for the children to understand him, and his motives, are more than monstrous.

pg 275 'You should have realised,' said Lupin quietly. 'If Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Goodbye, Peter.' … … 'Very well,' said Lupin. 'Stand aside, Harry.' Harry hesitated. 'I'm going to tie him up,' said Lupin. 'That's all, I swear.'

He changed his mind fast. Harry's opinion is more important to him. Honestly it's not too surprising, he is following other people... but it makes his readiness to have his life ended for revenge seem... passive. Casual. Dying for a 'good' reason? Cool. Sirius being hot-and-cold is fair, he's a prison escapee with no future, following his loyalty to James and now to Harry... Remus? Remus just had one of the best years of his life. But he never expects good times to last long, anyway. Harry and his friends know his secret now...

Chapter 20

pg 278 'A cloud shifted. There were suddenly dim shadows on the ground. Their party was bathed in moonlight. ... Harry could see Lupin's silhouette. He had gone rigid. Then his limbs began to shake.

...So it is bonkers that his transformation is working like this, considering everything we know. Full Moonlight is triggering it and was blocked by... a cloud. Walls. Severus, Remus and Hermione all would have known it was a Full Moon - and that he forgot his potion. I can understand Remus and Hermione momentarily forgetting in all the hubbub the fact he was walking out into bare night... apart from the fact that transforming isn't an option for werewolves, nor will simply hiding indoors save them. We know that they will transform no matter what.

It doesn't make much sense – but I will go through it a little later. For now: Moonlight triggers it.

pg 279 There was a terrible snarling noise. Lupin's head was lengthening. So was his body. His shoulders were hunching. Hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws. Crookshanks's fur was on end again, he was backing away - As the werewolf reared, snapping its long jaws, Sirius disappeared from Harry's side. He had transformed. The enormous, bear-like dog bounded forwards. As the werewolf wrenched itself free of the manacle binding it, the dog seized it about the neck and pulled it backwards, away from Ron and Pettigrew. They were locked, jaw to jaw, claws ripping at eachother - … … Too late. Pettigrew had transformed. Harry saw his bald tail whip through the manacle on Ron's outstretched arm, and heard a scurrying through the grass. There was a howl and a rumbling growl; Harry turned to see the werewolf taking flight; it was galloping into the Forest - 'Sirius, hes gone, Pettigrew transformed!' Harry yelled.

Werewolf Transformation: Go rigid; Limbs shake; Snarl (sharp intake/exhale of air from pain?); Head lengthens into long jaws; Body lengthens (this means werewolves are larger than humans rather wolf-sized); Shoulders hunch over; Hair (fur?) sprouts on face and hands (perhaps everywhere but his clothes are still covering him); Hands curl into paws. The transformation is working body and head first – then out to the extremities. One skinny man, turned into a large dog, is enough to battle a thin werewolf man – though the reason Remus runs isn't clear. Is it to get away from Sirius, because Sirius is hurting him? It seems a little unlikely he would be so distracted from all the humans he could bite... unless the amount of potion he has had helps keep his mind clear. Clear enough to chase after Peter, perhaps...? In any case, he didn't remain injured in the morning. - Werewolves, along with human-like screams, howl, snarl and growl.

Chapter 21

pg 295 She looked nervously over her shoulder into the depths of the Forest. The sun was setting now. … … They moved around the edge of the Forest, darkness falling thickly around them, until they were hidden behind a clump of trees through which they could make out the Willow. 'There's Ron!' said Harry suddenly.

More proof of timing – it was nighttime before Remus showed up.

pg 296 'Here comes Lupin!' said Harry, as they saw another figure sprinting down the stone steps and haring towards the Willow. Harry looked up at the sky. Clouds were obscuring the moon completely.

I wonder if he was running partially because he saw the clouds were covering the moon – and he knew as long as he got to the shack in time he would be safe while inside...?

pg 298 And then, at last, after over an hour... 'Here we come!' Hermione whispered.

They were in the long tunnel from the Willow to the Shack for a long time. It was night before they even went in, and nobody felt at all concerned while they were coming out how much time had passed.

~~~ MY THOUGHTS:

So... after the sun had already gone down, but the moon was covered by clouds, Remus ran outside and to the Willow/Shack – in order to confront a murderer hiding there with the kids. He was understandably emotional, but selfishly put himself first: over the kids, Sirius and Peter, wasting time trying to regain trust and respect... despite knowing he had missed his potion. He showed no real concern of the upcoming/current Full Moon – and neither did Hermione.

Severus only thought to bring Remus his potion after sunset and didn't think to bring it to the shack in any sort of emergency situation. He treated Remus as a traitor, not as a wolf – and was willing to drag him back to the castle, through the night. Even he didn't show much concern for the upcoming/current Full Moon, despite through the year being meticulous in his care and glancing anxiously at him when the Full Moon approaches.

However, as soon as Remus walked outside – bound to Peter and an injured child – he transformed the moment a cloud moved and moonlight hit him directly.

Maybe it is understandable to have momentarily forgotten about the danger... but then again, he didn't feel it coming at all...? They are floating Severus behind them who JUST reminded him he didn't have his potion. He has been talking about his Lycanthropy for an hour.

How could he forget? How could they all forget? How could they be so calm on the Full Moon...?

My theory: It wasn't the Full Moon.

We know being a werewolf isn't quite a binary: - You can be 'contaminated' – only showing some symptoms. - Something anyone can tell about Fenrir Greyback it's that he is a bit more 'Wolf' than 'Were' - However, nobody could tell Remus was anything but chronically ill. Most importantly: - You get sicker the closer it is to the Full Moon, even during the day.

It's like the magic from the reflected light of the moon gets more saturated in the atmosphere as the moon waxes... until your body reaches a breaking point and, no matter where you are (like in your office) you transform. But perhaps that process can be sped up – by saturating yourself in direct near-full moonlight?

A premature transformation. It is the night before the Full Moon.

'Premature transformations under direct late waxing gibbous moonlight' Theory:

As it's not the forced transformation at the peak of the Full Moon it's not talked about as often. It's rare to encounter – but not unheard of or surprising. It is still a 'Full Moon' in a way, after all: The moon looks 'Full' for three or so days and is only truly 'full' for a moment.

If werewolves transformed the MOMENT it was truly Full, then there would be months where they transformed during the day. But if they DID transform during the day, then it still doesn't make sense that nobody is worrying about the Full Moon tonight: They would know when the true Full Moon is. They're Wizards.

This can ONLY mean that werewolves don't transform at the true Full Moon, probably only transform at night (when Direct sunlight doesn't drown out reflected Moonlight) and there is a little more going on than just "Full Moon touched me :^( ick". - Most werewolves hide away, already feeling unwell. They aren't going outside pre-Full Moon... so they don't transform. - Perhaps even those eager to transform would rather save their strength for the true Full Moon...? Perhaps it is a weaker transformation (couldn't even beat up a skinny ass dog) so even violent werewolves avoid it? - Maybe they still have a second transformation – Remus did want to leave the school terribly quickly the next day... so he didn't transform there a second night? It's said multiple times they transform ONCE a month... but maybe that's just because most avoid prematurely transforming? - People misunderstand key things about werewolves anyway, like the fact they are humans and not half-breeds. Remembering only the basics, 'Full Moon forced transformation', feels accurate. - Since Wizards are so Astronomy focused, things like the 'true Full Moon' vs 'nights where it's almost full' is already on their minds. The difference between “Late Waxing Gibbous” and “Full Moon” could be the difference between a potent potion or a watery failure. There is no way they're mistaking what moon cycle it is unless drunk. - Remus' Boggart is the Full Moon – because the Boggart thinks he will be scared of transforming – but there is more merit to that if Remus could turn prematurely under strong moonlight.

If the next night was the true Full Moon – then it makes sense that: - Severus was calm about it, not even thinking to bring the potion as an emergency. If Remus was a traitor he was going to Azkaban tonight anyway – who cares about his penultimate goblet...? - Remus wasn't too worried about transforming. He was safe while in the shack, ran while there was cloud cover... he was just distracted when leaving, head full of Peter, Sirius, guilt and worry. - Hermione didn't mention it. She knows when the Full Moon is – it's not tonight. - The night be cloudy. Some planning, maybe even something as simple as covering Remus' skin with a thick cloak, could be enough to prevent his transformation. Tie him up, throw a cloak on him, make sure the moon is covered and drag him to the castle... fair plan.

Nobody was surprised that it happened, and yet nobody thought about it beforehand.

Big moon dangerous – werewolf go brr.

[rippleclan]

RippleClan: Moon 27

Graythroat returns to camp with a bleeding tail and stories of a dead fox.

[Image ID: Graythroat stands proud while the text under her reads + CONDITION: BITE WOUND. Fennelspot and Downstar sit together in the upper corner.]

Downstar was not supposed to be so cooperative.

Fennelspot was only a couple moons younger than Downstar, so he vividly remembered how she plagued his apprenticeship; spunky and wild Downpaw would limp into the medicine den with scraps and bruises from her latest misadventure, with Shadowsun sighing behind her. At first, Fennelspot’s mentor Yellowflower gladly treated her, but she was in the medicine den so much, she finally said that young Fennelpaw would treat Downpaw for whatever injury or illness she brought in. It prepared Fennelspot well for being Downstar’s first cleric and for caring for her equally troublesome children.

Fennelspot remembered when Downstar broke a rib not long before he got his full name. No matter how much he insisted she had to rest, she wouldn’t stay in her nest, insisting she could watch over the nursery or guard camp or do whatever it was she thought interesting at the time. That was just her way. Now, though…

Downstar spent most of her time in her den, resting. When Fennelspot entered to check her leg or help her exercise, Downstar listened without fuss. She groomed her leg, kept it still, and took whatever advice Fennelspot gave her without question.

Something was deeply wrong with Downstar.

Fennelspot was deep in his worries as he placed a new splint on Downstar’s leg when suddenly, a manic laugh broke through camp. Both Fennelspot and Downstar’s heads snapped up as the strange laugh drew closer. Fennelspot left Downstar’s den just as others in the camp, in the midst of naps or sharing tongues, looked out of their dens to find the source of the odd sound.

“Hali!” the source of the laugh yowled. “Shadow! You won’t believe it!” Graythroat marched into camp with wild eyes and a tall tail. Foreign blood smeared her muzzle while her own dribbled down her legs from a huge wound on her tail. 

“Graythroat, what did you do?” Fennelspot gasped. He ran at Graythroat and forced her to a stop. RippleClan gathered behind him, staring at Graythroat’s bloody face. Halibutdusk and Shadowdrop pushed through the crowd, standing on either side of their sister.

“What did I do?” Graythroat laughed, flicking her tail as though it wasn’t bleeding profusely. “What did I do? Let me tell you, I killed a fox!” She cackled once more, giving Fennelspot just enough time to shove her flank down and pin her tail for a better look at the wound.

“You killed a fox?” Rattlepaw gasped, peeking out from behind Rabbitjoy and Carnationspeckle.

“Gray…” Halibutdusk gulped. The young warrior studied Fennelspot as he groomed the blood around Graythroat’s wound. It was no doubt a fox bite; Fennelspot didn’t know another creature with such a long mouth and sharp punctures. Still, Graythroat must have thrashed her tail hard in the fox’s grasp. There were multiple smaller bites that tore across the skin.

“There I was,” Graythroat said, ducking slightly as though stalking through the forest, “enjoying some time alone, when I see the biggest, fattest, reddest fox I have ever seen in my life, just mouse-lengths from the border!”

“Graythroat, you’ve only ever seen one fox,” Halibutdusk sighed.

“It was outside our territory?” Shadowdrop asked. 

“I wasn’t going to let it come in,” Graythroat scoffed. “It was the greatest fight of our generation. Our fangs dug into each other, we tumbled to and through—”

“And you can keep telling the story once I treat your wound!” Fennelspot snapped. “StarClan knows what diseases a fox could have. Medicine den, now.” Graythroat groaned, tilting her head back as far as it could go. Still, she obeyed (with a nudge from Halibutdusk). 

As Fennelspot led Graythroat (and most of the Clan) to the medicine den, he caught Downstar’s eyes shining from her den. Fennelspot should have been snapping at her to rest her leg as she made sure Graythroat was okay, or at least question her as to why she would attack a fox who had done nothing wrong. But Downstar was still. She just watched Graythroat bleed. Fennelspot had been aware of Graythroat’s issues for a while, but Downstar… 

She scared him.

(Fennelspot: 84, male, cleric, insecure, trusted advisor, incredible runner)

(Downstar: 86, female, leader, adventurous, trusted advisor, very clever)

(Graythroat: 19, female, caretaker, fierce, trusted advisor)

(Rattlepaw: 10, female, artisan apprentice, insecure, plays with prey)

(Halibutdusk: 19, male, warrior, gloomy, great storyteller, clever)

(Shadowdrop: 19, male, codekeeper, sneaky, eloquent speaker, good teacher)

Rattlepaw teaches Carnationspeckle and Oilstripe a special dance in the water.

[Image ID: Rattlepaw waits for Carnationspeckle and Oilstripe as Carnationspeckle says “I’ll dance if she will!” Under Carnationspeckle, it says LEVEL UP! TALENTED SWIMMER -> FISH-LIKE SWIMMER. Under Oilstripe, it says LEVEL UP! GHOST SIGHT -> GHOST SPEAKER.]

(Rattlepaw: 10, female, artisan apprentice, insecure, plays with prey)

(Carnationspeckle: 29, female, caretaker, compassionate, fish-like swimmer)

(Oilstripe: 31, female, historian, charismatic, ghost speaker)

[practically-an-x-man]

14, 23, and/or 24 for Nikoletta for the cuddle prompts?

Ooooh yes!! Thank you so much!

14. cuddles after being touch-starved 23. snuggling up to them when they're cold 24. cuddles of reassurance (Cuddle & Snuggle Prompts)

____ Fever Chills

Word Count: 2.0k Content Warnings: Sickfic, emotional hurt/comfort, domestic fluff

Crossposted on AO3 ____

Sometimes it seemed like one of them was always sick.

It seemed to alternate between them: she got the flu, then Abner caught it from her, then her shadows returned and purging them left her bedridden for three days, then his dots flared up and left him just as sick the following week...

And now it was right back to her.

Nikoletta knew, logically, things would sort themselves out soon enough. Their immune systems were fighting to adjust to an environment that wasn't prison for the first time in years. Their first foray out of prison had come from an incredibly demanding mission that included several nights sleeping on the floor of the open jungle, not to mention contact with far too many rats. They were finally learning to release decades of pent-up stress, which led to its own sort of physical crumbling. She'd always heard things would get worse before they got better, but this was the first time in her life when she was safe enough to truly experience it.

So far, she wasn't a fan.

Maybe it was another bout of the flu. Maybe it was some aftereffect of her shadows. Maybe it was just the karmic rebound of all the stress she'd started to let go of. In all likeliness, it was a combination of the three.

Whatever it was, it left her feverish and shaky and utterly miserable, and Nikoletta prayed for the day it was over.

She trudged into the kitchen with a blanket tucked around her shoulders, shaking so hard she could hardly keep herself upright. Her posture was hunched, like an old woman wrapped in her shawls, and she nearly dropped her coffee mug when she reached to pull it from the cupboard.

It didn't matter. She could hold herself up. She'd held herself up through ten years of Belle Reve, through all the injuries and illnesses and everything else that contained, and this was hardly Belle Reve. She only had to be up long enough to make herself a cup of tea, and then she could crawl back into bed and be miserable there instead.

"What are you doing?"

Abner's quiet voice came from the doorway behind her, and Nikoletta jumped before she could help it. She'd gotten better about that, she really had, but something about her present illness sharpened those old blades all the same.

"Making tea." she mumbled, leaning against the counter and watching the mug spin around inside the microwave. She didn't have the energy to boil it the proper way - not that it really made a difference in her eyes, hot water was hot water and the microwave did it a hell of a lot faster.

"You're sick," he said, with the same careful, gentle tone, "You should be in bed. I can make it for you."

"It'll take two minutes. I'm fine."

Warm hands caught her arms and tried to gingerly steer her away from the microwave. Instead she shrugged him off- and regretted it the moment she did, but buried the emotion with a grimace.

"I said I'm fine."

Abner went silent for a moment too long, and icy self-hatred clutched her heart. She'd promised herself, months ago, that she wouldn't be sharp with him the way so many others were sharp with him. And then here she was with those old habits, the austere performance she'd kept up for so long, pushing her discomfort onto him in a way he didn't deserve. It was liable to make him shut down, and that made her feel worse than any illness could.

The microwave beeped, and with rough motions she retrieved her mug and tore open a tea packet. The tea bag inside slipped through her trembling fingers before she could drop it in the mug, and Nikoletta watched it slide pitifully to the bottom of the kitchen sink.

Something about the sight, her one tiny attempt at making herself feel better only ruined by her own treacherous fingers, threatened to send her into tears. Instead she just slumped over the countertop, utterly defeated. She was so cold it felt like her tear ducts had frozen. She couldn't have cried even if she wanted to. Her body refused to grant her that release.

Abner's arms slid around her waist from behind, drawing her in against his slim chest. Nikoletta couldn't help but melt into the warmth, those agonized shudders easing for the first time in days.

"Nik," he murmured, leaning over to rest his chin on her shoulder, "Please go to bed."

She let out a trembling breath, trying to let him steady her. He had such a way of doing that. She hardly understood it. Somehow, he knew exactly how to make her slow down, to soften the armor and melt the ice, like nobody else had ever known to do for her before.

Part of her still wanted to pull away, to shoulder her burdens alone as she'd always done, to let her pride win out.

The rest of her just wanted to go to bed. She felt like shit.

Nikoletta nodded against Abner's shoulder, and he gently released his hold on her. The shivers returned almost immediately, with the loss of his warmth, but she did her best to push her discomfort aside. Abner trailed her as she began to trudge slowly back towards the bedroom.

"Do you want me to walk with you?"

"No, I'm-" she started, then swallowed the words and tried again, "It's not far. I can manage. Thank you."

"Okay." he said, "I'll be right there."

He started to draw back, then seemed to catch a brief ripple of courage and ducked in to kiss her cheek. Despite the shivers, the horrible ache in her joints, the indescribably unpleasant heavy feeling that came with illness, Nikoletta found a faint smile crossing her face.

She reached the bedroom and slid into bed, tucking herself into a tight ball under the covers. It didn't offer her any scrap of warmth - it only made her feel like some weak, scared child hiding from her nightmares. It made her think of STAR Labs, tucked under the thin sheets of her cot in the same way to shield herself from the cameras and the new unshakeable chill beneath her skin. The memories were nearly as bad as the cold itself. But even the slightest movement made her skin erupt with painful pins and needles, so there she stayed.

After a while one of the cats hopped up onto the bed and wormed its way under the covers with her. That made her feel a little better, in some small way. She'd never had pets in her prior lives - not indoor pets, at least, though she fed the strays whenever she had scraps to spare - and Baron's soft black fur was its own sort of tether to the present. Abner had been right about adopting them. It helped.

She heard Abner enter the room a few minutes later, the old flooring creaking under his shuffling footsteps, but he paused in the doorway. Nikoletta guessed that he wasn't sure how to engage with her: what to say, or even whether to speak at all, whether to come up to her or whether she'd startle from not being able to see his entrance. Nikoletta had just begun to shift when she heard him speak, softly and gently as always.

"I brought you some tea. Are you still awake?"

"Too cold to sleep," she mumbled, finally forcing herself to emerge from her cocoon. Her eyes fell on Abner still standing in the doorway, holding her coffee mug in both hands as if it were a small bird. He took a few steps closer when he found her eyes on him, and stiffly held the mug out to her. There was an odd tension in his posture- but then again, there almost always was.

Nikoletta took the mug and curled around it, taking a grateful sip and feeling warmth bloom all down to her chest. When the heat of the liquid subsided, she caught notes of a shockingly tangy taste - not the cheap store-brand stuff she kept in the cupboard, that was for damn sure.

"This isn't the tea from the tea bags," she remarked, only thinking to catch her words when she saw Abner's face fall.

"You don't like it?"

"No, it's- I do. It's good. Thank you."

"My mom used to make it for us when we got sick. When we were little. Before she... before things got bad." he said, ducking her eyes, "It's got honey in it. And mint."

She took a second sip, now finding another reason to be comforted. It wasn't just about the tea, or the fact that he'd spared her his own time and energy to make it. It was a piece of his heart, a rare good memory from his childhood, something he could easily have hoarded for himself- and deserved to hoard for himself, when good memories were so rare. But instead he shared it with her, however vulnerable that was, took a symbol of comfort from his past and made it an object of his care in the present.

She'd have to figure out the recipe once she was feeling a little better. If it meant enough to him that he'd share it with her...

Nikoletta stretched a hand out and patted the mattress beside her.

"Will you- um, will you warm me up?"

That was about the only way she could make herself phrase it. Anything else felt... strange, somehow both too intimate and not intimate enough, and she couldn't manage that just yet. It was hard enough just to ask to be held, as much as she longed for it.

But Abner knew her well, and for that she hardly had to speak at all.

He slid into the bed beside her, careful not to disturb her mug of tea as he wrapped his arms around her. There were times when he really did remind her of the street cats she used to feed as a child, and this was one of those. They were such particular creatures - half of them were so unsocialized to humans they didn't even know to meow, and they hardly understood how to react to a comforting touch at first, but deep down many of them were just as affectionate as the posh, well-groomed purebreds she saw peering out of city windows.

Abner was a lot like those cats. He didn't know how to initiate, the motions were awkward and the words were halting, but he cared more than anyone she'd ever known.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Nikoletta mumbled, grimacing against a swell of the same bitter regret, "You deserve better- I want to be better, I'm trying, I just..."

"You're hurting, Nik. It's okay."

She wanted to protest - it wasn't okay, he'd had to shoulder cruelty from everyone in his life and she promised herself she wouldn't push the same on him - but simply swallowed the words and ducked her head against Abner's shoulder. Her fingers fidgeted with the mug in her lap.

"I hate being sick," she sighed, still curling in closer against him in the hopes that she could finally chase that terrible chill from deep in her bones, "It just... makes everything so much worse. I don't know if it's the shadows, or just my body, or... what else, but I just feel like I'm falling apart."

"I know how that feels." he agreed, and leaned his head against her own - like those near-feral strays, she thought again. "But that's why we have each other. Right?"

What happens when we both get sick, then? she thought, What happens when we both break down at the same time? Who makes the tea then? Who scoops out the litter boxes? Who picks up the mail?

And to her surprise, an answer came almost immediately.

Harley. Cleo. Rick. Even DuBois- he'd bitch about it, but he'd be there. Our friends.

It was strange to think that she had someone she could trust like that. It was strange to think that she had five.

"Yeah." she murmured, and drew the mug to her lips for another sip, "That's why we have each other."

[noaltbruh]

So uhm- I accidentally pressed "post" when I was just starting to work on it :,)

Link to main event

But here we go ^^

🍨 Are they more chill about their relationship or a bit more possessive towards their S/O?

Fugo doesn't mean to be possessive, but he is. He will try his absolute best not to show it, but I do believe that he has quite some troubles trusting others, which leads to him wanting to keep you for himself as much as he can once he finally starts to rely on you.

He will never get in the way of you hanging out with someone else or such, but he has an hard time hiding his feelings and it'll result pretty clear that he's a bit worried about you spending so much time with someone else.

He will absolutely apologize if the subject were to come up and promise to try and not be overbearing, he knows that his personal problems are not an excuse for this behavior. Although that doesn't change the fact that he's also very protective of you and will try to keep you away from anyone that seems...Suspicious to him.

~~~~~~

Mista is the embodiment of chill, my friend. Honestly, he takes relationships as something simple, something that "just happen", you know? I'm not saying he doesn't care or value what the two of you have, he just doesn't feel the need to be your shadow and prefers to leave you some space.

I can actually see him also becoming friend with your own pals like it's no bit deal. He's a very likable person and really likes big hangouts with lots of people. On top of this, he'd never get jealous of you spending time with someone of the gang. They're his family, they wouldn't try anything funny with you.

Honestly, the only time I can imagine Mista getting a bit more possessive towards you, is if he's just come back from a long ass mission and has been missing you a lot. In that case, he will be a bit more clingy or needy than usual, but I think that's pretty normal.

~~~~~~

I think Giorno would be one of the most possessive characters of all and, kind of on a side note, almost to the point of turning yandere for you. His past, while he may not admit it, has scarred him a lot and led him to develop incredibly sever abandonment issues. He cannot afford to lose you.

He knows that being with him brings a lot of risks and dangers, which means that he will do anything it takes to shield you from anything or anyone that may remotely have ill intentions. He will make an attempt not to let his paranoia get in the way of any other relationships you may have, just remember to give him attention quite often too.

He's also rather quick to get jealous of other people, but being the refined and manipulative young boy he is, it will be hard to tell what he's feeling of thinking. You'll never be able to fully understand if he's being jealous of not.

🤰How would they react to finding out their S/O is pregnant?

Time to go buy the milk again

No but seriously, it'll take him a moment before what you just said actually hits his brain and he's able to process it. He will look quite...Er, panicked at first, asking you multiple times if it's certain that you are or not. It may lead you to believe that he's not exactly happy about this news, but trust me, he is. He's just...Worried.

When he notices your disappointment over his reaction, he will immediately stop with all the questions and will just...Hold you close to him, perhaps even crying a little. He's incredibly happy to be able to become a father, but he's unsure if he's going to be a good one or not.

Either way, he tries his hardest not to let his agitation bring you down and will take care of you and your baby the best he can during your entire pregnancy. He basically won't let you move and will take care of all the housework. When I say all, I mean it. He knows that carrying a living being in your body must be hard and wants to help you in any way possible.

Please reassure him from time to time that he doesn't need to stress himself out so much, or he may eventually explode.

~~~~~

Mista will try to play it cool, obviously telling you how happy he is about it, but he doesn't like to be too sentimental or cry. With that being said, he will hug you so so tightly, with the biggest grin on his face, that you may have to tell him to let loose a little or the baby might get hurt.

He will 100% lean down on the level of your stomach and start telling lame dad jokes to the baby, knowing that they can't laugh but still hoping for them to. And, despite the fact that he's trying to hold back the tears, you might notice his eyes getting a little wet. Of course, if you try to say anything about it, he'll deny it all.

I have a feeling that Mista is actually pretty good at cooking but is too lazy to put actual effort in a meal most of the time. However, during your pregnancy, he'll put sloth aside and satisfy any weird desire you may have. You want roast chicken with tomato salad at 3 am.? Dude's gonna walk up to the kitchen and immediately get to work, no messing around.

~~~~~~~

While Giorno always had a strong desire to protect children and young people, I can't help but think that the perspective of having his own kid would not exactly...Hype him up at first. He doesn't have many good "family experience" and thinks that he would inevitably put his baby in danger just for being his ffather

But once he meets and falls in love with you, the perspective of creating a family, with all the uncertainties and fears that come with it, doesn't...Sound so bad anymore. And he gets the proof of it when, for one of the very few times in his life, he feels warm tears running on his cheeks as soon as he hears your announcement.

He can't stop smiling, he can't stop kissing you, he can't stop caressing your lower tummy watching over it with loved-filled eyes. Bringing a new life to existence together...Already sounds so beautiful to him.

Giorno will not let a single thing go wrong during your pregnancy. He wants you to be as comfortable as humanly possible, he will personally make sure only the best doctors visit you during your quarantine, and he will spoil you and your future child more than you could ever imagine. He'll cherish them forever.

[rachelillustrates]

More thoughts on Thorin Oakenshield

Particularly on his rapid-rehab over the Gold-sickness - which is a scene I think about often, being in recovery myself (9 years 8 months sober, btw 🌼).

So considering that this all happens within like 2 to 5 minutes maybe - plus however long it takes him to walk from the throne room of Erebor to the Gallery of Kings, which we don't see - I think we have to take into consideration where he is coming from, which is the moment in which Dwalin tried to stand up to him. Then, he responded by a) berating himself, as he is - basically calling crownless-Thorin-Oakenshield a nothing, and b) literally threatening to kill Dwalin. And that came right after he denied his kin in general when the battle started, and THAT came right after he tried to throw Bilbo - arguably his plot-relevant Love, whether you ship it or not (thanks to @sonickitty for this amazing post) - from the ramparts whether or not he would have been able to go through with it notwithstanding, since Gandalf interrupted him to help get Bilbo out of there.

Those are three big, emotional things that force him to hole up further into his sickness, but also call him out at the same time, which I think is evident in how coldly desperate he looks when he tells Dwalin to go "before I kill you." Part of him knows he is losing it - as much as he clings to the gold fever, as if its a reassurance. As if it's security, after nearly a lifetime of uncertainty, which would be really, really easy to rationalize away as a "valid" and "reasonable" thing.

(Which is textbook addictive behavior, btw. "I need this because.... It's all right because....")

And I think it's telling, then, that he ends up in the Gallery instead of the treasury.

Part of that was likely a plot-design choice, since that's where they almost defeated Smaug and that shiny gold floor makes for some amazing visuals in his hallucinations. BUT. Looking at it from a Watsonian perspective, I think that him going there - choosing the place of the Company's almost-victory, instead of the place of his grandfather's defeat - speaks volumes about the part of him that wants to stop.

And then, we get a look inside his brain - all those overlapping voices, all the reminders of what is happening to him, how he has acted, and who he was before. The faith his people had in him. All as a cacophony - until Bilbo's voice, at which point there is no more overlapping. Just Bilbo speaking loud and clear - "You are changed, Thorin." - and then "I am not my grandfather," just as had been interspersed with the other voices, too, but now as clear and uninterrupted as his recall of Bilbo's words. And they are, first, the words he spoke to him on the ramparts - when he, the most emotionally close to him (since Fíli and Kíli are still following orders and are under that obligation to him as their King, family bonds therefore notwithstanding) finally called him out for who he'd become, followed by what he said to him in the mithril scene, when he failed to reach him earlier (seeing as a certain King Under the Mountain got distracted in his illness and warped their affection into "you are a shiny thing for me to protect and apparently not listen to"). Which, I know they didn't include the "our honor - I was also there" part of the line, but that came right after "is this treasure truly worth more than your honor," so even with that unsaid that loops him right back into that emotional bond and the fact that Bilbo does know, and care for, who he really is. And calls him to stand for it.

At which point, he sees the shadow of a dragon in the gold, as if swimming through it - which I think is supposed to stand for the fact that he has taken Smaug's place, in intention, but on a very quiet note, because: then, the clarity of speech continues, with Gandalf proclaiming that this treasure will be his death. Gandalf as much as he's a douche and they haven't always gotten along being the closest thing to one of the Powers, to his own Maker, that he has ever met or is likely to physically meet in this life.

I think that was deliberate.

From a recovery standpoint, hitting bottom often starts with emotional appeal from one's loved ones (Dwalin, Bilbo) but doesn't stick until spirituality gets involved, so this seems - again, from my own experience - to be a subtle way to pull that in after leaning heavily on his emotional connections.

Which is followed, of course, by the hallucination - his vision - of the gold of the floor literally swallowing him whole, and smoothing back over as if nothing had ever happened. Just like it would have looked if they had buried Smaug there. He would really be nothing, then. Forgotten, maybe, even.

That, and Gandalf's words, really touch on Thorin's own will to survive - yes, we've gotten reminders of what actions he's taken in the illness, and what's happening to others as a result, BUT if someone in addiction doesn't want to live - and thus, doesn't want to break out of it - nothing genuine can be done. They have to want to survive. They have to want to recover. So we get that, here, with those words and seeing the gold kill him in the same manner that he (and the Company) tried to kill Smaug.

To which we get the answer of that excellent far-away shot of him throwing off the crown, looking so small in the vast, empty, golden space.

(And then his bewilderment, kind of dreamily coming out of it, looking at the floor - the crown itself, probably - as if in a trance, and then slowly and subtly back up and out around himself.)

The next scene we get of him is not much later - we get a quick look outside, see that Dain is calling his forces back to the mountain, and Azog believes he is killing it (strut, sir), then we snap right back to the Company. Which Thorin joins, now in really not enough leather armor instead of the heavy plate mail.

Bare of all the trappings of his status - back to Thorin Oakenshield, again, who was always already good enough in the first place 💙 And, the first thing he does is make amends the best way he can under the circumstances. He hears Kíli's grievance, he validates his feelings, and he shows up for the reality around himself and the people under his care.

"I have no right to ask this of any of you (which is pretty close to an apology) but will you follow me, one last time?" (Which is a declaration of action, intent. What he is gonna do now to make it right, truly himself again.)

He sounds resigned, but with acceptance. Like he knows that they're likely going to their death - all of them - but he can't do this alone, and doing this is the right thing, in any and all cases.

Considering that recovery from addiction usually takes years of suffering (and then years of work), that the stage direction/scripty goodness was all of one line, and looking at what we see both before that scene and after it, I think they did a pretty incredible job. To my knowledge, in the book, we get very little of this at all - Thorin comes into the battle still full-armored, we don't see his thought process about that choice (vs. staying in the mountain), and he doesn't acknowledge his wrongs until he's on his deathbed. So for his illness, on this level, to have been addressed at all, let alone with this depth, is a gift.

I am quite impressed and grateful.

~

More LoTR/The Hobbit meta here.

[xmystophalesx]

Best New Heavy Metal Releases Week of February 17th, 2023

Bit of a rough week for me on a personal level, as I wasn’t really sure if I was going to put out a new list for the week or not. I tested positive for my second round of Covid Wednesday night and that put me pretty far behind on my list. Got on some Paxlovid and things turned around pretty quickly after that. Not sure if it was the meds or knowing that Hellripper had put out a new album. Ill just go with both being a tremendous help. Time for the highlights.

All My Shadows-Eerie Monsters (Heavy/Hard Rock)**

This was a very pleasant surprise. From the album art and the band name, I would have bet money this was going to be some American metalcore band. I was fully expecting for this to be a short couple track listen and then a move to another album. Well, this is actually the vocalist and guitarist from the band Vanden Plas, so what you have here is some top quality Melodic Metal with a Progressive tinge. Excellently crafted songs with some killer guitar work. Not exactly sure why this was not just used on a VP album, as this sounds like classic VP. Regardless of all of that, if this is a genre you enjoy, this could easily be stuck on your personal play list for quite a while.

Tulus-Fendens Kall (Black)**

This is labeled as Black Metal, but to be completely honest, that is to simple a designation. There is a lot going on here, from folk influences to straight up simple Hard Rock and even flashes of Doom. This was the first band Blodstrop and Sarke were in before starting the band Khold. I will freely admit for Black Metal purists, this album may be hard to get into but I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Hellripper-Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags (Black/Speed)**

What can you say about James McBain that hasn’t already been said? Hands down one of the very best in this Black/Speed Metal genre and still a one man project. This album just continues his streak of releasing one killer album after another that are just a blast to listen to. The only differences I see is maybe a bit of advancement in the overall songwriting and his guitar leads are getting better and better, which is impressive as they were already pretty damn good to begin with. Hellripper for me has become an automatic purchase album every time I hear he has an album coming out and this one was easily a preorder.

Tryglav-The Ritual (Melodic Black)**

Yet another one man Melodic Black Metal project. Slowly but surely, this is becoming more of the norm than the exception. I first listened to this on Sunday morning so I didn’t get as much time with this as I did the Hellripper album. Even so, it was really pushing the “Warlocks…” album for the pick of the week. Excellent use of melody and guitar work throughout the length of the album. There is something very addictive about this album and I feel it will get a lot more play in the near future.

That will do it for this week. Still not at 100% but getting there and when I thought of possibly skipping this week, it made me feel worse than the covid. The cause of Heavy Metal waits for no man! Illness is nothing compared to praising the glory of all the Metals! Or even worse, disappointing my tens and tens of fans that actually read this thing….lol Until next week, and as always, listen to metal and fill your soul with happiness and, of course…

BANG THY HEAD!!!

All worthy of a listen if you like the genre

*= standout in that genre

**=best of the week regardless of genre

Best of the Week

Street Tombs-Reclusive Decay (Death/Thrash)**

Scars of Oblivion-Misanthropy (Melodic Death)**

Last Legion-Metall, Blod & Aska (Thrash/Death)**

Tramilizer-Fumes of Funeral Pyres (Death)**

Tulus-Fendens Kall (Black)**

Knights of Blood-El Juicio de Osiris (Heavy)**

All My Shadows-Eerie Monsters (Heavy/Hard Rock)**

Hellripper-Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags (Black/Thrash)**

Tryglav-The Ritual (Melodic Black)**

Standout in their Genre

Cryptic Witch-Summoning (Doom/Stoner/Psychedelic)*

Proxima B-Void Cycles (Melodic Death/Progressive)*

Desosser-Vitalism (Death)*

Age of Ruin-Thieves (Melodic Death)*

Hard to Kill-Resistan (Death/Hardcore)*

Parasitario-Everything Belongs to Death (Death)*

Ulthar-Anthronomicon/Helionomicon (Death/Black/Progressive)*

The Abbey-Word of Sun (Doom)*

Hail the Void-Memento Mori (Doom/Stoner)*

Winds of Tragedy-Hating Life (Melodic Black)*

Setanera-Equilibrium (Gothic)*

Robin McAuley-Alive (Heavy/Hard Rock)*

Gutted-A Path To Ruin (Death/Grind/Technical)*

Majestic Ryte-Majestic Ryte (Heavy/US Power)*

Exhibition-The Last Laugh (Thrash/Crossover)*

66Crusher-Limbo (Thrash/Progressive)*

Creye-III:Weightless (Hard Rock/Progressive)*

Depravation-IV:LETVM (Black/Death)*

First Signal-Face Your Fears (Heavy/Hard Rock)*

Kromheim-Journey to Divinity (Melodic Death)*

Siege of Power-This is Tomorrow (Death/Thrash)*

Worth a Listen

The Black Moriah-Desert Hymns & Funeral Grins (Black/Thrash)

Clit Commander-Obey the Clit (Brutal Death/Grindcore)

Avatar-Dance Devil Dance (Heavy/Alternative/Hard Rock)

Skinflint-Hate Spell (Heavy/Speed)

Ad Omega-Aphelic Ascent (Black)

Enisum-Forgotten Mountains (Black/Atmospheric)

Man Must Die-The Pain Behind it All (Technical Death)

Genghis Khan-Who Art in Hell (Traditional Heavy)

Soul of Death-Spiritual Disease (Melodic Death)

Hellpass-Gates of War (Heavy)

Strange Omen-Marasma (Heavy)

Theophonos-Nightmare Visions (Black/Experimental)

Pick of the week goes to Hellripper with yet another fantastic and FUN album. 5 lazy bulldog side eyes out of 5! Go buy this record!

[badtasteaquarium]

I know it's midnight but I'm having. A head full many thoughts moment

What if when egg man recovers shadow he's half blown to pieces...but the black arms dna is causing him to grow back his extremities in twisted alien ways...he sees his severed limbs in some places and is horrified...would it be easier to let him die? He is barely alive as it is...

Maybe he does try to put him in stasis to observe the growth, but it's far too slow. In the meantime he draws schematics and starts to fashion his android. He uses metal sonic as a template and goes from there. He just gets carried away with it all.

Like he gets to the point where he performs surgery, with his spinal cord and brain on ice, and is able to transplant, and also siphons most of his blood. He can't get the artificial heart to start at first though. Until one day in the stasis tube it does. There are things happening beyond his control and he observed it all until GUN shuts it down. I wonder if rouge finds him?

He doesn't want shadow to die. The only reason he gives him up is under the assumption that he will live. Otherwise the eggman army WILL have a word. Rouge gives him her word

Anyway the rest we know. GUN works on him for a couple more years and gets him up and running. Controls him with the chips in his brain. But his will remains, gets the emeralds, fully regains control and is able to be the shadow we know and love today

Now. I have more thoughts pertaining to the present

Upon reacquainting himself with amy, he decided to get the whole sa2 gang back together again and formally announce he's not dead. Really only tails is the one who's out of the loop, but knuckles also hasn't seen him properly. It's basically also to tell sonic "hey I'm not a secret anymore" since it's been very hard for him not to blab for like. 3 years. ADHD forgetfullness has saved his bacon

Amy and shadow on a date, and shadow reveals that he was engaged. To maria! Unfortunately while he helped cure her nids she was still heavily immunocompromised and became ill again. This time shadow could not donate his blood for science as it's been mixed with synthetic fluid. She's been passed for 1-2 years since present day

Still working on the timeline for all of this tbh

Amy gets cream and big together to have a girls sleepover and gossip about shadow. Very excited about her new boyfriend. I'm claiming Big as one of the girls in this case. He's a drag queen

I still want to write the sonic/shadow parallel tryst situation. Sonic texts shadow "greetings from soleanna!" And shad is like "looks nice. Maria and I are going out today" and have a sonelise meet cute parallel shadow and marias date. They both fuck of course

I did a bunch of B universe sketches, including shadria. The vibe is way different--keeping maria alive here too as "dr. M" and he looks much more robotnik like. But with perfectly coiffed blond hair. Shadow is a 6'7" lizard alien woman and the contrast is very good.

I gave b!sonic a lesbian mullet because she deserves it. I need to give knux both city looks and emerald guardian looks. A!knux is more of a recluse, but I think b!knux gets out more. It's the sonic influence

B!Amy is a tgirl because I said so. I can do so much more with girlish intuition than just the straight genderbend with her. I did bend rouge and blaze though. Rouge will be fun. He's kinda like a thancred. Similar roles between the verses

A!blaze is from silvers bad future, but b!blaze is a prince; I think he'll replace Elise in soleanna for that kinda vibe. A!silver is still hunting for sonic, but b!silver is here to warn about shadow and the black arms invasion. She's too late of course!

I feel like the most clever person in the world when I sink into these AUs. Mad with power over humanized sonics

[amandadoylewriting]

Dancing With The Shadows of My Soul

From dark purple to bright perspectives.

(A reupload of my own article on vocal.media)

I took a poetry class in my second year of university. It was one of my favourite classes ever, and I always appreciated the way that my professor taught us how to craft more than just a piece of poetry, but a scene. How he showed us that the details were important too, not just the story. Maybe that's why I've always been interested in romanticizing my life.

I can't remember a time when I didn't struggle with mental health challenges. I've always had this sadness. Sometimes it's extremely intense, and other times it just lingers.

In that poetry class, I wrote a poem about my sadness and described it as dark purple. I described it as bruises that never fade. That poem got a good grade, but it was about more than that for me. It felt true, it felt like I had bruises, even though I had no idea of the trauma that lay ahead of me.

Flash forward to eight or so years later, and I understand what I meant now when I said that sadness can be like bruises that never fade. It feels like I have all of these bruises, but because of my mental illnesses, they'll never be able to heal.

Surviving the Abyss

I don't think I was ever formally diagnosed with depression. From what I remember, I went to the school psychologist, and they recommended that I see a therapist. Next thing I knew, I was 17 years old and standing in my living room, telling my mom that I didn't want to be "here" anymore. I was sent to a therapist for a few sessions after that, but nothing ever evolved.

The first talk of a diagnosis that I remember was in my first year of university, when some sort of school counsellor or doctor or something said that I might have a personality disorder in Cluster B. I looked into it a little bit, but pretty much forgot about it.

Everything came to a head in July 2017, the summer of my attempted suicide. Rewind the time just over half a year, and I was standing in my room straightening my hair for school, thinking about how I was the saddest that I'd ever been. And then I met a boy. He showed me what love was, briefly, and then brought me into a real life nightmare. For seven months, I was madly enamored with him, up until the day that he died, the day of my overdose. You see, I would have followed him anywhere. Everything went according to plan, except for one part — I had survived.

In the remains of the trauma, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, type II. This was the first diagnosis that actually made sense to me. I related to the manic episodes, where I remember singing to my mom while I danced on top of the coffee table. And I of course related to the depression, finally an explanation for the deep and dark feelings that I had always known so well.

In the years following, many terms have been thrown around. I relate the most to my bipolar diagnosis, my PTSD diagnosis, and my diagnosis of having traits of borderline personality disorder (BPD). Funnily enough, BPD is a personality disorder in Cluster B, just like that person at my university had said all of those years ago.

The thing about BPD is that most people don't start to show symptoms until the late teen years and into early adulthood, and those symptoms can be triggered by a traumatic experience, such as what I went through. So it seemed like things got worse for me mentally after the overdose, and it turns out, they did.

Now that you know the whole story, you should be able to see how much of a mess I truly am. I put on a façade that I have it all together, but that's nowhere near true, and I am working every day to rediscover myself on this very messy and unpredictable journey.

A Lazy Girl's Approach to Life's Small Pleasures

I've found it helpful to introduce easy and practical exercises into my routines, because let's face it, I'm a lazy girlie. My morning routine is short and efficient, including a good combination of what I need to do and what I want to do.

Mindfulness has never been easy for me, and maybe that's why I never prospered in all of those DBT classes. My mind is always running, and the world is always muted. I have a hard time tuning in. But I like to practice mindfulness by becoming aware of the small moments and enjoying them, because there's more to life than all of the unnecessary stress that we add on.

Throughout the years, I've always been able to express myself and my passion through various outlets, whether it be my writing roots, pushing myself to be of service to others, or even creating content that I care about. Spiritually, I connect myself to God in ways that feel good to me, and I practice tarot in a way that makes sense to me. I believe that belief is personal and it should be whatever you want it to be, which may be jarring for some who seek religion and spirituality for practice and tradition.

What I'm saying is that life can be really difficult when you struggle with mental health issues, especially if you're still trying to discover yourself. But I want you to remember that you don't need to know what you're doing and you can choose how your journey goes. You cannot control what happens, but you can control your perspective on the situation and how you choose to feel about it.

Transformation Personalized

From diagnosis to diagnosis, sadness has always remained, but I find small ways to make it seem not as intimidating and heavy. Some of these ways are traditional and others are not, but the important part is that they work for me. Every person's journey is different, as each person on this planet is so unique. Find the things that work for you and do those things, because those are the things that will help you stay balanced when the ground starts to rumble again.

If you're feeling good, take advantage of that and think about the things that led you to this feeling, and take note. Think of your life like a puzzle, where you get to put the pieces together how you want, and it might not fit on the first try.

However, you'll eventually be able to see the bigger picture.

[clowngames]

Alright, strap in.

50 years ago Professor Gerald Robotnik probably built the Space Colony ARK with the help of the global military Guardian Units of Nations (G.U.N.). The ARK is, as its name implies, a space station built to be habitable by people in the event of a world-ending catastrophe. It's on board the ARK that Prof. Robotnik worked on Project Shadow.

Project Shadow's end-goal, much like the origins of the ARK, was a little bit nebulous. We're led to believe it was to create the Ultimate Lifeform - Shadow the Hedgehog - only for it to be revealed that the real goal was to create the perfect being in order to study the qualities necessary to extend life. In particular, to cure a terrible terminal illness which plagued Prof. Robotnik's granddaughter Maria.

Indeed, Robotnik would not have started this project if he didn't think he could save his granddaughter's life. This is why his first attempt at the ultimate lifeform was a lizard which never stopped growing, which ultimately became the Biolizard.

The illness that Maria suffered from was vague in the games, but in the comics it was fleshed out, and it's a disease known as Neuro-Immune Deficiency Syndrome, or NIDS. Few symptoms are described in detail except for the general way it weakens the victim, but let's be real, this is AIDS with the first letter switched out. Whether it was for the lowered gravity of the ARK allowing her to live more comfortably in a weakened state or the quarantined nature of the ARK, it was the best place for Robotnik to keep her while he sought a cure.

Well, just like the real thing, the government didn't really care all that much about curing NIDS and was more interested in how to use Robotnik's research in a military capacity, enhancing soldiers and maybe getting a cool hedgehog-themed superweapon. I'll admit the direct parallels stop working out pretty quick.

It's worth mentioning that Sonic Adventure 2, the game which spawned all of this, was developed during the height of the AIDS epidemic. That said, the first time it was actually specified to be called NIDS was in 2007, so it's unlikely that the original developers envisioned it to be a critique of governments' failure to respond to the AIDS crisis (I don't even know the history of AIDS in Japan). Especially since SA2 was more focused on criticizing the military industrial complex.

Project Shadow was shut down before it could be completed - by which I mean G.U.N. boarded the ARK and killed everyone they could, and arrested Robotnik and put him in Guantanamo Bay Prison Island where they would later execute him via firing squad. How many people were on the ARK when that happened? Hard to say. At minimum, the world's top scientists were all there, and probably several of their families. In Shadow the Hedgehog we see a flashback stage where Shadow is tasked with getting first aid to civilians who are hurt by a security breach of Artificial Chaos onboard the ARK, which suggests that at least several dozen people were there.

We also know that G.U.N. killed everyone on board because A) they shot Maria, killing her even though she was a child, implying they were less than discriminate and B) the ARK was entirely abandoned and unoccupied in the 50 years since.

In summary, Shadow the Hedgehog was created to cure Fictional AIDS in a story criticizing government for entirely different problems.

At tumblr user @clowngames , what do you mean shadow the hedgehog was made to destroy aids

[lewmagoo]

i will wait right here | b. bradshaw

description: in which four pilots find themselves in a hospital waiting room (requested)

warnings: angst, brief allusion to sex (no smut), illness (there’s a brief scene with vomiting lol), mentions of death, hurt/comfort

pairing/characters: bradley “rooster” bradshaw x nondescript f!reader, natasha “phoenix” trace, robert “bob” floyd, jake “hangman” seresin

notes: this is pretty self indulgent. also i might be projecting a bit here. y’know, with the constant need to be independent and put others needs before my own, even if it kills me. just eldest daughter things 🤪

Rooster had always said she was far too determined to be independent. 

It came from her deep, incessant need to prove to others, and herself, that she could take care of herself, and didn’t need anyone to fuss over her. 

“I’m fine,” she’d insist, “you don’t have to worry about me.”

Except, Bradley did worry about her. All the time, in fact. The fact that he was a mother hen was a running joke in their group of friends. But he was especially a mother hen toward her. When she assured everyone that she was okay, he could see right through it. He knew her well enough to know when she was not okay. And he was pretty good about helping her when she needed it. 

But in turn, she was good at evading his help. She didn’t want to be a burden. Although Bradley insisted that she wasn’t, there was part of her that always doubted that. She’d spent her entire life proving she didn’t need anyone to lean on. 

But one day, that stubborn determination of hers would cost her. 

It had all started with a migraine. 

She woke up to the splitting headache, and groaned in protest at the sunlight streaming in through the blinds. Bradley was beside her, one brawny arm slung over her waist. He felt her tense, and he shifted, lifting his head from the pillows. 

If she hadn’t been in so much pain she would have marveled in adoration at his sleep rumpled hair and the imprint of the sheets creased on his cheek. 

“Mm, mornin’, baby. You alright?” 

“Fine,” she mumbled. “Just have a headache.” 

Bradley buried his face against her shoulder, pressing a kiss there. His mustache prickled at her skin. “‘s probably about time to get up, hm?” 

“Probably.” She closed her eyes, trying to hide from the light. 

Finally, the man beside her sat upright, stretching out his torso, followed by a few pops of readjusting joints. “I’ll get the coffee going. Maybe it’ll help your headache.” He left another kiss, this time to her temple, before he slipped away, leaving her in the silence of her bedroom. 

Again, if her head wasn’t threatening to explode on her, she might have admired the view of his peachy ass as he bent to tug on his boxers. Instead, her eyes remained half closed, and all she saw was his retreating shadow as he made his way out to the kitchen. 

With a deep sigh, she attempted to sit up, but as she did so, an unbearable rush of pain flooded her head. She let out a hiss, reaching up to gently hold her head in her hands, lessening the throb as she slowly sat up the rest of the way. 

“Fuck, I don’t remember drinking that much last night.” In fact, she’d hardly been drunk at all. She and Rooster had shared a beer the night before, and had promptly after fallen into the sheets together. Her head certainly hadn’t been hurting then. All she remembered was all-encompassing pleasure. 

So sometime between their evening escapades and now, a migraine had sunk its sharp claws into her skull, and wouldn’t let go. 

She fumbled to open her nightstand drawer, retrieving a bottle of headache medication she kept there. Using the glass of water that was a permanent fixture on the nightstand, she swigged the pills back and hoped for the best. 

After taking a moment to physically prepare herself to get up for the day, her feet hit the floor. Mechanically, she pulled on the nearest article of clothing, which happened to be Bradley’s well-worn Navy t-shirt. 

Then she made her way out to the kitchen. The light was brighter in there, and she squinted in discomfort. As she took a seat at the table, a mug full of fresh coffee was placed in front of her. She didn’t have to question how it was made. Bradley knew exactly how she liked it. 

“I’ll be pretty busy these next few days,” he mused as she took a sip of the coffee. “Got those intense training exercises I told you about. I probably won’t be able to come home as often, at least not until the weekend.”

“Hope it goes well,” she managed, letting her eyes fall shut. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His husky voice brought her back to the present, and when she opened her eyes, she found his warm ones staring back at her, flooded with concern. 

Despite herself, she gave him a small smile. “Yeah, don’t worry about me.”

“I always do,” came his response. He kissed the top of her head. 

He soon excused himself to get ready for the day, while she sat at the table and gently massaged her temples. She was thankful she didn’t have Bradley’s job, which required him to be at work bright and early. Instead, she worked at the Hard Deck, and her shift didn’t start until later that afternoon. She hoped her headache would settle down by that point. 

By the time she rose from the table to deposit her empty coffee cup into the sink, Bradley was already dressed and ready to head out the door. He kissed her cheek as he walked by, stopping at the entryway to lace up his boots. 

“Bye, baby. I’ll call you later if I have time. Love, love.”

Then he was gone before she could register what had taken place. She sighed into the quietness of her home. Normally, she would’ve been a more active participant in bidding him farewell. Especially if she wasn’t going to see him for a few days. But she simply didn’t have the wherewithal to do so. 

Instead of fretting over her less than enthusiastic goodbye, she headed right back to bed, hoping she would wake up and find her headache gone. 

She did wake up many hours later. However, her headache was still raging behind her eyes, like churning storm clouds. Not to mention, the bedroom was considerably darker than it had been when she went to sleep. 

“Oh, shit,” she cursed. She sat up quickly, regretting it immediately when her head began to pound and spots appeared in front of her eyes. She took a moment to pull herself together before she reached for her phone. To her horror, she found that it was 2100 hours. She’d slept until 9 pm. That meant that she was four hours late to her shift at the Hard Deck. 

Her phone screen displayed a few missed calls from Penny, and a few from another bartender, Samantha. She let out a frustrated moan, lowering her head to her hands. She couldn’t believe that she’d managed to sleep late enough to miss a whole shift of work. 

She felt awful, and she was quick to type an apology to Penny. 

Hey Pen. I am sooooo sorry I stood you up like that. I’m not feeling well and I laid down for a bit, but ended up sleeping way too late. I woke up just a few minutes ago. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

She hit send and hoped for the best. Penny was understanding, so she wasn’t worried about the possibility of losing her job. But she still felt terrible about it, and vowed to make things right. 

However, the excruciating pain still piercing through her skull soon took precedence over her guilt, and she whimpered, lowering herself back down against the bed. 

She’d had headaches and migraines before, but they were few and far between, and none of them had ever been as bad as this. It was a constant, thrumming ache that distracted her from all coherent thought. 

She was surprised when tears sprang to her eyes. It pushed her to reach back into her nightstand and take another dose of pills. She hoped and prayed that this time, they would work, and she’d be able to go about her normal, day to day life soon. 

As she curled back under the covers and placed a pillow over her head, she found herself wishing that Bradley was there to hold her and possibly help soothe the pain. She imagined his big, warm hands gently cradling her head, keeping the pounding at bay. 

She was tempted to call him, but she wasn’t sure if he’d answer. When he was in training mode, he had a tendency to be pretty reclusive. Instead of coming back to her apartment, he’d stay at his place on base, because it was closer, and gave him the opportunity to come straight home and collapse into bed at night right away. 

But tonight was one of those nights where she longed for him. He always knew what to do to make her feel better. Now she was all alone and in utter misery. But, she’d always pushed through everything life threw at her, and this was no different. She’d simply have to bite the bullet and get through it. She had never needed anyone before. She didn’t figure she needed them now. But oh, how wrong she was. 

She drifted back to sleep that night, the pain lulling her into a fitful slumber. When she woke the next morning, the room was still too bright for her sensitive eyes, and her head seemed to ache even more so, if at all possible. 

It took her quite a few moments to work up the nerve to rise from the bed. Yet again, she held her head in her hands, and had to pause for a moment as the room began to spin around her. It should have been her first clue that something was horribly wrong, but she was stubborn, and was sure that this would pass soon. 

Another dose of Excedrin was downed, and she forced herself out of bed. However, on her way down the hallway, she grew dizzy, and the unsteadying pain sent her careening into the bathroom, crashing to her knees just in time to vomit into the toilet. 

She hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, she realized, so there was hardly anything to expel. Finally, with her whole body trembling, she calmed down. She managed to reach a hand up to the sink to hoist herself from the floor, and when she looked in the mirror, she realized just how sickly she appeared. 

There was no way she’d be able to go to work like this. So, she regretfully called Penny. 

The first words out of the woman’s mouth were, “are you okay?”

“Hi. Yeah, I’ll be alright. I’m so sorry about last night. When I woke up I couldn’t believe I’d slept that late.”

“I understand, it happens. Will you be able to work tonight?” 

“I don’t think so. I’m sure I’ll feel better by tomorrow.”

“Well if you aren’t feeling well tomorrow, don’t feel like you need to come in. You should rest up,” Penny warned. 

“It’s Friday. I don’t want to leave you high and dry on such a busy night.”

“You won’t be a help to me if you’re sick, hon. So please, get some rest and only come in if you’re feeling up to it.”

“Okay, okay. I will. Thanks Penny.”

“Of course. Take care of yourself.”

When the call ended, she let out a weary sigh, leaning her weight on the sink. That two minute phone call had zapped her of any energy she might’ve had left. Her head throbbed in protest, and she let out a whimper as she squeezed her eyes shut. 

Her phone vibrated in her hand and she looked down to find that it was a text from Bradley. 

Sorry I haven’t been able to call you. Might be able to talk tonight, if you want. Love, love.

She didn’t have the energy to respond. Instead, she dragged herself back out into the hall and toward the kitchen. She could only muster the strength to unpeel a banana and eat it. Anything else proved to be too difficult of a task. 

The rest of the day carried on that way. She was lethargic and miserable. Medication did nothing to soothe her poor, aching skull. She was left to sprawl out on the couch and keep her head nestled against a throw pillow. 

She dozed off throughout the day. Bradley texted her again later that afternoon. She didn’t hear the phone vibrate. Sometime in the late evening, she became aware of the fact that her body was warm all over. Somehow, she managed to stumble to the bathroom and rifle through the medicine cabinet over the sink for a thermometer. 

When she pulled the device out of her mouth, it read 102°F. “Fuck,” she sighed. Concern grew in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t sure what to make of a crushing headache paired with a fever. She had no other familiar symptoms like a congestion or a sore throat. This was entirely foreign to her. In hindsight, she would realize that not going to the hospital right away was the most foolish mistake she could ever make. 

Lucky for her, a certain knight in shining armor of sorts would be coming to her rescue. 

Before turning in for the night, she popped a few ibuprofen to bring the fever down, and headed straight to bed again. She left her phone on the living room coffee table, where it remained the rest of the night, going unanswered when Bradley tried to call her. 

When she didn’t answer, he grew concerned. It wasn’t like her to forego a nighttime phone call from him. That, paired with the unanswered texts he’d sent her earlier, gave way to an odd sort of nagging in the back of his brain, like something was wrong. 

The next morning, just before heading out for the last day of training before the weekend, he tried calling her again. It went straight to voicemail without even ringing. He pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it, brow furrowed in obvious worry. 

“Everything okay?” It was Phoenix’s voice. She was good at reading Rooster’s tells. He looked tense with worry, which compelled her to ask what was going on. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “My girl isn’t answering my calls. She normally always answers.”

Phoenix offered a reassuring smile. “Maybe she’s still asleep?” She suggested. 

“Maybe, but she didn’t answer last night either. Phe, I’ve just got this weird feeling that something’s wrong.” 

Her face softened, and she stepped closer. “Maybe you can—” but before she could finish her sentence, she was interrupted by an abrupt, “Admiral on deck!” Prompting everyone to stand at attention, conversations forgotten. 

Back at home, a very delirious, fever-ridden girl was just stumbling out of bed. When her feet touched the floor, it felt like her limbs were made of lead. She moaned in discomfort, and barely made it upright before she had to grip the bed post and steady herself. 

She was able to make it to the bathroom, but when she got there, her sickness-addled brain forgot why she’d even stepped into the room in the first place. But the tile was cool under her feet, and she decided it would be a good place to cool down. So, she lowered herself to the floor and sprawled across the cold tile. That’s where she would remain the rest of the day, fading in and out of consciousness.

Bradley tried to remain stoic as he went about his job, but he was teeming with anxiety. Something was wrong, he was sure of it. And because of this, he wasn’t on his A-game during training. It prompted a few smartalec comments from Hangman, who was surprised when Rooster didn’t reciprocate any sharp verbal jabs. 

By the time evening rolled around, even he was slightly worried, because it wasn’t like Bradley to be so distant. As they all walked out together that evening, Hangman fell into step beside Phoenix. 

“What’s with Bradshaw today?” He asked, voice low. 

“Something’s wrong with Bradshaw?” An eavesdropping Coyote piped up from just behind the pair. 

“Shh! Not too loud,” Hangman insisted, waving his hand in a be quiet motion. 

Natasha glanced at him through her peripheral before quickly explaining why Bradley was acting so off. 

“Shit, really?” Then he looked up, catching sight of the other pilot up ahead before he jogged over to him. “Everything alright, Bradshaw?”

He raised a brow. “Why do you ask?”

“Phoenix said something might be going on with your girl. Do you want me to go with you to check on her?” He was genuinely offering. Bradley’s comrades had all come to love his sweet girlfriend, so much so that they were very protective of her, and would do all they could to prevent any harm from coming to her. 

Bradley hesitated. “I’m gonna head over to the Hard Deck first. Find out if Penny’s seen her.”

And that’s how Penny Benjamin came face to face with a group of very concerned pilots, huddling around her bar with expectant looks on their faces. 

“What’s going on?” She asked. 

Bradley stepped forward, and realization dawned across Penny’s features when he asked if she’d seen his girlfriend. “She’s been sick the last few days. I tried calling her today and there was no answer. You should probably go—” but before she could finish her sentence, the sandy haired aviator was already turning on his heel and rushing out of the bar. 

“Roos! We’re coming with you!” Phoenix called, hot on his heels. 

“You don’t need to—” but when he turned around to protest, he found his friends staring back at him. Bob, Phoenix, and Hangman had decided that out of the whole group, they were going to be his wingmen, so to speak, as he went to find out what was going on. He realized that telling them no was a lost cause, so he sighed, relenting. 

They all squeezed into Bradley’s Bronco, and soon, a gaggle of pilots was leaving base to go check on their comrade’s girlfriend. Maybe they were all overreacting, but they were concerned, and just wanted to help out. 

“When was the last time you talked to her?” Bob spoke up from the backseat, question directed at Bradley. 

“Uh…the day I left for training. I usually don’t have time to call her the first day or two so we didn’t talk for a couple days.”

“Penny said she called in sick, right? I’ve never known that girl to miss a day of work, like, ever,” Hangman, who was sitting shotgun, mused. 

“Was there anything out of the ordinary when you left?” It was Natasha’s turn to ask a question. 

“I don’t think so. We woke up, and then…” He trailed off for a moment as he realized one very important detail. “Oh, shit. She said she had a headache. I noticed she was acting kind of off but she insisted she was fine.” He sighed in frustration, shaking his head. “Fuck, what if it was something life threatening?”

Phoenix’s eyes widened. “Hey, let’s not jump

to conclusions yet. We’ll see what’s wrong when we get there.”

They arrived in no time, thanks to Bradley going over the speed limit. As soon as they reached the apartment complex, they were all rushing inside. Her apartment was situated on the sixth floor. The elevator ride up was the longest few minutes of the four aviators lives, it felt like. 

When the doors slid open, Bradley was the first one out, already reaching into his pocket to retrieve the apartment key. He realized his hands were shaking as he tried to insert the metal into the lock. His chest was tight with anxiety, an awful sense of dread weighing heavily on his shoulders. 

He imagined the worst, picturing the love of his life dead, helpless and alone. It sent a jolt of panic through him, and it was as if he couldn’t get the door open fast enough. He prayed to whoever was listening that he hadn’t lost the most important thing in his life. 

Once he got the door open, the four of them stumbled through. The apartment was dark, and it sent alarm bells off in Bradley’s mind. He called out her name, but his voice sounded foreign to his own ears. 

The other three set about searching the apartment, calling her name. Bradley’s feet were heavy as he followed after them. Jake stepped into the bedroom and flipped on the light. They were all met with the sight of an empty bed. 

Bradley knew there was only one other place to look. Fear bloomed to life in his chest, and his hands trembled as he turned, stepping down the hallway and pausing outside the closed bathroom door. He grabbed the knob, only to find that the door was stuck. The creaky old door had a tendency to latch itself at the worst times. It was something Bradley had been meaning to fix, but had never gotten around to it. 

Before bursting into the bathroom like a madman and risking embarrassing her, he knocked first. “Baby? Are you in there?” He called. He was met with silence. 

“Is it locked?” Phoenix asked. 

“It’s stuck. Sometimes we gotta use force.” Then, he looked back, motioning for the trio to step aside as he stepped backwards to gain some momentum. 

He threw his weight against the door. It groaned, almost as if in protest. Again, a broad shoulder was slammed into the wood, and this time, a splintering sound could be heard. One more display of force, and it flew open, fast enough that it slammed against the bathroom wall inside. 

He reached for the light switch, and when he flipped it on, he was met with a sight that sent his blood running cold. “Oh my god.”

He rushed into the bathroom, falling to his knees beside the prone form of his girlfriend. He was almost hesitant to touch her, for fear of finding her skin cold as ice. 

In fact, Bradley froze. He knew he needed to be springing into action, needed to check her pulse, make sure she was alive. But his hands felt heavy as iron, and he couldn’t move. 

The one who finally acted was Bob. He was quick to kneel beside Rooster, reaching out to gently turn the girl and press his fingers to her pulse point. His eyes widened when he realized how warm she was. 

“She’s alive,” he assured the man beside him, “but she’s burning up. We need to get her to the hospital right away.”

The word hospital snapped him to attention. He met Bob’s worried gaze, and nodded. “We can take her there ourselves, it’ll be faster.” Bradley leaned over her body, carefully lifting her into his arms. He almost shied away at just how warm her body was. She was consumed with fever. 

“I’ve got you, baby,” he whispered as he rose to his feet. Then he looked up to find the grim faces of Jake and Natasha. All Bradley had to do was nod and they were all heading back out of the apartment. 

In no time, they were back outside. “I’ll drive,” Jake offered. “Keys, Bradshaw.” He held his hand out. 

“Not a chance,” Phoenix cut in, stepping forward to reach into Rooster’s left pocket, where she’d seen him shove the keys into earlier. 

Under normal circumstances, Hangman would’ve argued, but not now. It didn’t matter who drove, as long as they got to the hospital. He simply rolled his eyes and instead opted to open the back door so Rooster could climb inside. 

The moment everyone was settled, Phoenix was heading off toward the hospital. The interior was somber and quiet, each pilot sick with worry over the girl Rooster held in his arms. 

He cradled her close, reaching up a hand to brush her hair out of her face. “Can you hear me, sweetheart?” He whispered. He hoped she could. “Just hang on, alright? We’re gonna get you some help.” And then, more quietly, “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.” It would be something he’d beat himself up over for a long time. 

“You couldn’t have known,” Bob softly spoke up from beside him. 

“I knew something was wrong when she didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I should’ve taken that as a sign to go check on her.”

The bespectacled lieutenant shook his head, and there was nothing but kindness in his face. “You can’t play the blame game, Rooster. It’ll drive you mad.”

He was right, after all. But that didn’t stop Bradley from silently beating himself over the fact that he hadn’t been there when the love of his life needed him most. He imagined her all alone, unable to call for help, and it gutted him. I should’ve been there. I should’ve found a way. 

When the Bronco finally came to a stop outside the emergency room, all of them got out. The poor receptionist running the desk looked up to find four frantic pilots staring back at her. One of them held a girl in his arms and he looked about ready to fall to his knees.

“P-please, she needs help,” he croaked. 

A flurry of activity took place around the group. Someone reached out to take his entire world from his arms. He almost didn’t want to let her go, and subconsciously, his grip tightened on her. But he was surprised when Jake’s hand landed against his chest, his voice in Bradley’s ear, saying, “let ‘em take her. They’ll take good care of her.” And he finally let her go.

As she was wheeled away, the group watched helplessly. It might’ve looked humorous to a random passerby. Four of the Navy’s best aviators, rendered to nothing more than a concerned, anxiety ridden mess. 

They were told to retire to the waiting room, and that a doctor would be out eventually to inform them of what was going on. 

That’s where they found themselves. Hangman was sitting on the window sill, staring out into the dark parking lot. Rooster was pacing back and forth, enough to wear a hole in the linoleum. Phoenix sat sideways in one of the chairs, her legs slung over the uncomfortable wooden arm. Bob sat on the other side of her, face sullen as he stared down at his feet. 

Bradley felt like he was going insane from not knowing. He kept raking his fingers through his hair, hard enough that it hurt, but he didn’t care. His chest was tight with fear. He just wanted answers. 

He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost her. The thought was unimaginable. Had he really come this far, and finally let someone in after years of living as a lone wolf, only to lose her in the end? The thought alone almost drove him to his knees. 

Bob, ever the empath, looked up to find Bradley distraught, and his heart ached. He stood, moving to step in front of the other man. Bradley looked back at him, and finally, he broke. He leaned forward, and Bob pulled him into a hug, allowing him to cry silently against his shoulder. 

Then, he was joined by Natasha, who wrapped her arms around both men. From the window sill, Jake gazed at the teary-eyed trio, and he let out a dramatic sigh as he rose to his feet and joined in on the group hug in the middle of the hospital waiting room. 

“Group hugging you three idiots is not how I imagined spending my Friday night, yet here we are,” he piped up, totally ruining the emotional moment, but pulling a laugh from each of them. Even Bradley, who smiled despite himself. 

“Leave it to you to ruin a good moment, Bagman,” Natasha teased, shoving at his chest. 

After playfully pushing her hand away, the blonde looked at Bradley, his face now sober. “For what it’s worth, I hope she pulls through.”

The other man gave him a nod. “Thanks, Seresin.”

They all parted, and this time, Rooster was able to take a seat, settling beside Bob. He’d always been friendly with the guy, but now, in the midst of the turmoil he was experiencing, Bob was a quiet, calming force, and it was helping Bradley through this moment more than he could say. 

Again, the waiting room drifted into somber silence as they all nervously awaited information. Minutes passed by, and soon, minutes bled into an hour and a half. 

Rooster finally stood up, legs sore from sitting for so long. “Goddammit, what’s taking so long?” He huffed, hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

He was heavily considering storming up to the front desk to demand answers, but Natasha stopped him, gentle hand on his shoulder. “Hey, let me,” she quietly offered. 

He nodded, and she slipped away, making her way up to the desk to inquire about his girl’s status. The receptionist had no definitive answers, and a forlorn Phoenix made her way back to the boys, shaking her head. They all groaned in frustration.

“How about I get us all something from the vending machine?” She offered. That seemed to catch their attention, and a few minutes later, she was returning to the waiting room with an armful of snacks and bottled drinks. Everyone took what they wanted and went back to moping about, this time with food in hand. 

Finally, a doctor walked into the waiting room. She didn’t have to look very far. There was a group of very despondent pilots sitting in the middle of the room. One of them, a blonde one, perked up at the sight of the doctor, and he reached out, tapping another one, a mustached young man, on the shoulder.

Mustache popped out of his seat, whirling around. His eyes were wide, face awash with fear as the doctor approached. The others stood up as well, waiting expectantly, and forming a bit of a protective group around him.

“Which one of you is Bradley Bradshaw?”

Mustache weakly raised a hand. “I am.” His voice nearly failed him. 

The doctor stepped forward. “You did the right thing, bringing her in when you did. A few hours longer and she very well could have passed away.”

All four pilots breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that she was alive. “What’s wrong with her?” Bradley asked, dark eyes swirling with concern.

“We ran some tests and it appears that she has a rare type of bacterial infection. It caused the extremely high fever. It doesn’t pass from person to person, so none of you are at risk of contagion, if you were worried about that. We’ve been able to get her fever down partially, and we started her on antibiotics. We’ll be keeping her for a few days to monitor her symptoms and make sure she doesn’t get worse.”

“Is she awake?” 

“No sir, not yet. What she needs is a good night of rest. I’d imagine she’ll be more herself tomorrow, once the antibiotics start doing their job. She’s being sent up to a room as we speak.”

“Can we see her?” The blonde one asked. 

The doctor eyed the group warily. They were all chomping at the bit to see the sick girl, and frankly, it was adorable. However, visiting hours were long past over. Even so, she was torn. She let out a sigh, staring back at their hopeful faces. “Look, visiting hours are over. I can’t let all of you go up there. But I will make an exception for Mr. Bradshaw here, since she’s his partner. The rest of you will have to head home and come back at 0800 hours.”

The disappointment was visible on all their faces, but they were respectful, and didn’t put up an argument. Once the doctor finished up her required spiel and dismissed herself, the group of friends turned to Rooster. Another group hug was had, and they all shared in the relief that everything was going to be okay. 

“Text us as soon as she wakes up,” Natasha instructed as she handed Bradley his car keys back. “We’ll be back tomorrow morning with breakfast.”

He looked at each of his comrades, hardly able to express his thanks for their support. “Thanks for waiting with me, guys. Made me feel less alone.”

“We’ll always be there for you, whenever you need us,” Bob spoke up with a smile. 

Rooster lurched forward and pulled him into another hug. “You’re a good guy, Bobby. Thanks,” he murmured. 

“Alright, alright, cut the sap. My teeth are about to rot out of my head,” Hangman cut in. 

The two men parted, and Jake stepped over to clap Bradley on the back. “Now get outta here and go see your girl, Bradshaw.” 

“Aye, aye sir,” he replied with a mock salute. 

He watched his friends head out of the waiting room and into the night, Phoenix and Hangman already lightheartedly bickering about something. Probably how they were getting home for the night. Bob shook his head in quiet annoyance, turning back to give Rooster one last wave before they all disappeared outside. 

Finally, Bradley turned on his heel and made his way to the elevator. Now that he was alone, his mind threatened to overwhelm him. All the anxiety he’d been trying to keep at bay came rushing to the surface, and his hand trembled as he pressed the button. 

It felt like an eternity before the doors finally slid open. He stepped inside and rode up a few floors. He was able to obtain her room number from the front desk after assuring them Dr. Holt had said it was okay for him to stay. Nobody had the heart to tell him otherwise, not with that look of fear written all over his face, which made him look younger than he was. 

When he was able to step into her room, the sight he was met with knocked the wind out of him. Yes, he’d seen her half conscious on the bathroom floor hours earlier, but this was different. She was hooked up to different machines, and there was an IV in her arm. 

He was overcome with longing. Longing to take her body into his arms and protect her from all harm. Longing to make her pain and sickness go away. It was times like these when he wished he was God, just a little bit. But he was a mere man, and didn’t have the power to do the things the Almighty did.

Instead, he made his way over to her bedside, and sank down into the uncomfortable chair nearby. “Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered, reaching out to take her hand in his own. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought…I thought I was going to lose you.”

Tears blurred his vision, and he closed his eyes. swallowing them back and instead opting to say something more positive. “Everyone else was scared, too. You should’ve seen them. Even Hangman was worried, if you can believe it.”

He squeezed her hand thrice. I. Love. You. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner. I should’ve known something was up when you didn’t answer my texts. I just hate the thought of you needing help and no one being there.”

He could see it so clearly in his mind’s eye. A picture of her. Sick, delirious from fever, entirely alone. It made his heart lurch in his chest. “But, I’m here now, baby. And I’m not gonna leave your side until you open those pretty eyes of yours.”

True to his word, Bradley didn’t leave her side once through the night. He situated himself in that vinyl chair and slept in an uncomfortable position that would be sure to leave a crick in his neck, but it was worth it as long as he got to be near her. 

When light began to peek through the clouds, Bradley woke, his bleary eyes settling on the girl who still remained still beside him. 

“Morning, baby,” he hummed, reaching out to bring her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. His thumb rubbed comforting circles into her skin. 

In the wee morning hours, just before the morning nurse came in, Bradley cherished the moment of peace he had with the woman he loved. 

He held her hand and silently prayed that she would come back to him. And she did. With the dawning of a new day, she slowly opened her eyes, and in turn, Bradley’s own filled with tears. 

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he assured her, leaning in close. 

When her vision focused, she found the face of a very relieved Bradley Bradshaw staring back at her. His deep umber eyes were brimming with unshed tears, but they quickly made their way down his cheeks. 

She was quiet as she oriented herself. It was clear that she was in the hospital. But she had no recollection of how she got there. The last thing she remembered was getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. 

“Wh-what happened?” She croaked. His hand tightened comfortingly around hers. 

“You were really sick. We found you unconscious at the apartment.”

“We?”

“Yeah, uh, me, Phoenix, Bob, and Hangman. They helped me get you to the hospital.”

She shifted a little, and realized the crushing headache that had been plaguing her the last few days was gone. “How long have I been here?”

“Since last night. They got you on some antibiotics and brought your fever down.”

She looked at him again, gazing into his kind, concerned face. “Is this the part where you play mother hen and scold me for not asking for help sooner?” There was a smile playing on her lips. 

Bradley raised his brow. “Actually, yes. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was just a headache, nothing worth bothering you over. I figured I’d take some Excedrin and feel better in a few hours. But a few hours turned into a few days, and then I was out of my mind with fever.”

The man sighed. “Well, I should’ve known something was up when you didn’t answer your phone. That’s when I should have sent Penny to check on you.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself, sweet man. I’m okay now, you don’t need to beat yourself up.”

“I always do,” he countered. He was right about that, he had quite the tendency to get too far into his own head and berate himself for things. 

Then he sobered, eyes meeting her own. “Finding you like that…it was one of the scariest moments of my life. I froze up. It was like my body couldn’t move. I was fucking terrified.” His gaze lowered to their joined hands. “Bob was the one who kinda got the ball rolling and helped me snap out of it. That guy is something else.”

She smiled softly. “Remind me to thank him, then,” she said. 

“You should thank all three of them. They stayed with me in the waiting room the whole time. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.”

Her heart was touched at the loyalty of their friends. “When I get out of here we can take them out as a thank you.”

Rooster mirrored her smile. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” 

Their private moment was soon interrupted as a nurse walked into the room. He took that as a sign to excuse himself and text the three pilots who just so happened to already be waiting outside the hospital, eager to come inside and visit.

“You think she’s awake yet?” Jake questioned as they stood around Natasha’s car. 

“I don’t know, Rooster didn’t say anything yet,” she replied. 

“Guys, he just did,” Bob spoke up, holding up his phone. Both of them looked at their own phones, and sure enough, there was a text from Bradley. 

She’s awake :) we’re in room 315

The trio all exchanged looks, smiles on their faces. “One minute ‘til visiting hours start,” Bob spoke, matter-of-factly.

“Close enough. Let’s go,” Hangman said, waving for them to follow. 

They all headed inside, scrambling for the elevator, arms full of pastry bags from the base cafe. When they finally made it to her room, they found her seated upright in bed, Bradley at her bedside. She smiled at the three of them, and suddenly they were all talking at once, expressing their relief that she was okay. 

She laughed at their eagerness, and gladly accepted the hugs they all gave her, along with the pastries. The dark, heavy cloud that had hovered over everyone was finally lifted, replaced by the sunshine of their smiles. 

“You should’ve seen Prince Charming over here,” Jake spoke up, clapping a hand against Bradley’s shoulder. Prince Charming was the nickname Jake had dubbed him after he met her, his princess. “He was worried sick about you. I thought he was gonna pull his hair out by how much he kept raking his hands through it.” 

Bradley smiled sheepishly. She reached for his hand again and gave it three squeezes. I. Love. You. “Sounds like my Rooster,” she said fondly. Then she addressed them all. “Thank you guys for looking out for me. Bradley says you stayed with him the whole time.”

“It didn’t feel right to leave him alone,” said Natasha. “Plus we all wanted to stick around and find out if you were going to be okay. Can’t tell you how relieved we were when the doc said you would be.”

“Yeah. You had us scared there for a minute,” Bob piped up. His blue eyed gaze was warm. 

“When I get out of here, Roos and I are taking you all out as a thank you.” 

“We’ll go, but only if you promise one thing,” Hangman spoke. 

“What’s that?”

“That you never scare us like that again.”

She couldn’t help the smile that broke across her face. “Deal,” she agreed. 

And that’s how she spent her morning. In a hospital room, surrounded by the love of her life and her closest friends, sharing pastries, shitty coffee, and laughter. 

She knew then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these people were her ride-or-dies. They’d follow her and Bradley to the ends of the earth, if need be. And she couldn’t ask for better friends if she wanted to. 

She had everything she could ever need, right there in the middle of her hospital room. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

@halfway-happyyy @natasharomanoffisbaebby @oliviabelova @robertbobfloydlover @supernaturaldawning @marrianena @mys2425 @n3ssm0nique @ice-mans-world @lovemesomevesey @straightforwardly @mochi-de-bisou @christinafaucher @emmmaturtle @fantasias-creativebubble @worldmadeofmemories @tarohemianrocketmanapsody @m0chac0ffee @not-leaprvt @i-simp-much @soaharleys @colorfultyrantearthquake @obxsuperfan07 @juniebugg @marchingicenotes7 @airedale17 @jamiedontbeacracko @monosjoons @dilfsandtherapy @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @unluckymonaghan

[redhoodedangel]

Scars that Last (Arkham!Jason Todd X Scarlet Witch! Reader) {Route A} Pt.2-Loss

So, there is going to different routes like I mentioned in the first part (and an edit I did on the first part). This is the first part of Route A and I’m working on Route B as well. When I finish it, I’ll put a link to it on this post.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️: themes of death, abuse, torture, sadness, heartache/heartbreak, nightmares, and mental health and mental illness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even after your failed attempt to mentally track down Jason, you continued to build up your mental powers to find some way to find him and bring him home safe. The search on the GCPD's part was coming up dry and Batman's own search was even drier than the Sahara Desert. Barbara was even joining in on the search with both sides as Batgirl, in hopes of increasing efforts and results. Hell, even Nightwing was checking the borders of Gotham for activity. But, nothing was coming up. No developments…no leads… no evidence… no sightings…

Nothing…

Your own attempts with numerous types with mental stimulation and manipulation were fruitless, too. You tried tapping into your mental response to pain, hoping it would help you better access Jason's memories and figure out his location. But all it did was make the pain that the Joker was inflicted on him and in turn, you, more unbearable. Every try failed and you were beginning to lose hope. But you couldn't give up on your soulmate. He was counting on you and Batman...

You couldn't fail...

You couldn't risk losing Jason...

You couldn't risk losing someone so important to you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever you had dreams, there were more like premonitions or visions. Events that had yet to happen or, better yet, were currently happening as you slept. Tonight’s premonition was the most terrifying one you’ve had in a long time. You had never felt more sick to your stomach before after seeing what you saw happening in front of you…

You were standing in a darkened room, a single light hanging in the middle. From what you could see, the floor was tiled black and white. Under the light was a young man, tied down to a wheelchair with barbed wire and rope. His hair was dark and his eyes were an ocean blue, his marked up skin matching yours. But, the most notable details was the fact that he was wearing the familiar red and black Robin suit.

Oh god…

It’s him…

It’s Jason…

You were about to try and call out to him to see if this dream was connecting your minds together. But, you were stopped by the sound of familiar maniac laughter. That son of a bitch…

“Well, well, well, my boy, you’re in for a treat, tonight!” The Joker announced, stepping out of the shadows behind Jason. The boy wonder visibly stiffened at the sound of the Clown’s voice, keeping his head down in fear and anger.

“Apparently, the Commissioner’s adopted daughter has been looking for her soulmate. One who she says is being ‘tormented’ and ‘mistreated’. The entire GCPD is looking for the poor lad. And strangely enough… the scars she has resemble the ones you have now…” Jason picked his head up at the news. Now, you knew that he knew about the soulmate bond between you two. Even if he didn’t know your name or what you looked like.

However, there was an aura of panic to him now. He was shaking and his eyes were glossed over, tears ready to spill out. As you come closer to him in this dreamscape of yours, you could hear his thoughts. He was crying… pleading… but not for his life… but for yours…

‘Oh god… no. Please, don’t touch her! Please don’t hurt her! Goddamn it, please!’

“Oh my goodness, what was the kid’s name? Was it… uh… (Y-…um... hold on... Aha! Now I remember!… (Y/N) (L/N)!” The psychotic clown said your name like it was some big event. It honestly made you want to throw up.

“What a wonderful surprise! Well, maybe I’ll leave her a nice little ‘Congratulations’ gift! Something she might appreciate!”

“I swear to God, if you hurt her, I’ll… Agh!” Jason’s protective growl was cut off by a pained yell as the Joker hit him in the jaw with a crowbar. You then feel the same pain on the left side of your face, creeping and burning under your skin.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t lay a hand on her! I’m sure you know how this song and dance goes…” the Joker rose the crowbar once again like a baseball bat, ready to land another hit.

“NO!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as the image winked out before you see what happened next. You then woke up in a cold sweat, with new scars and with more news about your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You told Batman and Barbara about your nightmare, giving them an idea of what the Joker have planned next. When you told your father, you had to exclude the fact that your soulmate was the second Robin, in order to keep the police from getting suspicious of the other Bat vigilantes. He then had the information used to triangulate possible locations where the Joker could be running his operations. Places where Jason could be being held...

However, about six months into the search, Batman found a new ward to take up the mantle of Robin. Needless to say, you weren't impressed with this decision, considering the current Robin, your future significant other, was still alive. The new scars that kept appearing on your body and face were proof of that. You refused to talk to this replacement Robin, no matter how much he tried to contact you for leads or any further information you didn't possess.

Nightwing had tried to explain Batman's choice and how the new boy wonder, a young detective named Tim Drake, had figured out their true identities. You still weren't persuaded, knowing full well that Batman could've compromised with him and had him man the comms or keep the Batcave on lock. But, that wasn't your call to make, nor Nightwing's or Batgirl's, so you didn't have a right to complain.

Meanwhile, you were building up your arsenal of mental tricks. You still hadn't found a way to connect to Jason without hurting yourself or him, but your experimenting gave you new ways to turn a villain or thug's mind against them. However, your search for a mental link between you and Jason still continued...

You just hoped he knew that you were trying to reach him...

"Please hang in there, Jase. I'll find a way to get you out of that hellhole if the law and the vigilantes fail... I'll make sure you get out of there alive... I promise..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another six months passed and it was now obvious to everyone who left the scars you were receiving. A 'J' marking was now burned into your left cheek, along with a few other scars that littered your face and body. Your bones creaked and ached with a dull pain that you had never experienced before. Your mental health was severely impacted, the pain of the scars was numbed because of it.

The search for Jason was practically a failure, as were your own attempts to mentally determine his location. However, you found a way to comb the entirety of Gotham for missing people. However, it was going to take a lot of trial and error in order to find Jason. You just hoped that you weren't too late...

You were standing on the roof of your apartment building, finding a spot to use your powers to find Jason. You were hoping that this would be the last effort to save him. You praying for it to work and stretch out around Gotham. You were about to cast the spell… when your phone vibrates…

Pulling out your phone, you saw that an unknown number was FaceTiming you. Your gut suddenly twisted into sickening knots, as if a part of you knew that this video call had to do with Jason. You knew this was something bad, but you had to know just how bad it was…

You had to know that he was okay…

That he was going to be okay...

You hit the green phone button and the call began streaming. The video showed Jason, sitting in a wooden chair and his arms and legs free. His face was marked with the same scars as yours, which was no surprise, but it still made your stomach lurch to see. But something was wrong with him... he wasn't fighting the Joker and using his silver tongue to hiss at the clown... he was still like a statue...

Oh god... that clown got to him... didn't he?

"Have you got something to tell the nice man, Jason?" The Clown Prince said from behind the camera. Hearing the Joker call your soulmate by his real name made the knots in your stomach grow tighter. Bile made its way to your throat, but you swallowed it in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"My name is Jason Todd..." the way Jason spoke was almost robotic and void of emotion. His face was blank and expressionless, a broken version of the spitfire boy wonder you were used to seeing and hearing about. His eyes... it was like looking into a shattered mirror on a stormy night...

"Who do you hate?" The question was simple... and so was the incoming answer...

"Batman..." Oh no...

"Excellent. Of course, you do. Do you have anything else to say?"

"Yes. I'm really sorry, (Y/N)... I failed you... as a hero and as your soulmate..."

'No...no... you didn't fail me... I wasn't fast enough... I broke my promise to you... please... please, don't let this be the end... God, please... I haven't even met you for real... I haven't gotten to know you...' your thoughts started running a mile a minute as your heart began throbbing in agony.

"Did you get that, Bats? (Y/N)? Kid's not yours anymore. He's mine... mine, mine, mine. To do with as I wish." Oh, how much you wanted to jump through your phone screen and strangle that horror movie antagonist reject.

"Hey. I never asked. What's the big secret? Who is the big, bad bat? His name. Tell me!"

'No... don't answer that, Jason... DON'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!'

"Of course, sir. It's-..."

BANG!

As soon as that dreaded sound hit your ears and the image of Jason hitting the floor after the Joker shot him filled your sight, you dropped your phone. You could hear the screen crack as it hit the cold ground, but you didn't bother to pick it up. The pain of your heart breaking into a million pieces was the only thing you could feel, minus the bitter wind blowing around you. Your senses all shut down, unable to take in your surroundings as you plummeted into endless nothing...

You lost him...

You lost Jason...

Your soulmate...

Your Robin...

Your hero...

Your everything...

After being silent for what felt like an eternity, you finally opened your mouth and a scream of despair pierced through the air. You then collapsed onto your knees and a red pulse of energy left you, creating a shockwave that you were sure all of Gotham could feel. Hell, at this point, the Gotham vigilantes probably knew where you were and what happened... no doubt they were probably on their way now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barbara was the one to find you and bring you to the police station. You were wrapped in a blanket by Nightwing as you three, along with Tim, waited for Batman to arrive. Your father was out, handling a robbery somewhere downtown. Your cheeks were dry and no longer had tear tracks on them, as you had spent all your tears during and after your breakdown on the roof. Your eyes were still red and puffy, your eyes empty of any emotion. Your mind was now in denial, trying to make up a fantasy world for you to better ease the pain. But, nothing worked...

You heard footsteps approaching, moving your head slowly to see Batman walking to you and the other vigilantes. You felt a burning feeling in your chest as the urge to start yelling and shouting overwhelmed you. But, you held back... you wanted to hear whatever bullshit excuse he had before you raised holy hell...

"Batman, she saw the video, too. The Joker streamed it to her, live on FaceTime..." you heard Barbara whisper to the bruting Dark Knight.

"Let me talk to her..."

You then heard those familiar heavy footsteps come up to you, stopping next to you. You didn't even bother to look up at him... that's how angry you were with him... with every superhero in that room... with yourself...

"(Y/N), are you alright?"

Really? That was all he had to say? After everything that just happened here tonight? To Jason? To you?

"'Am I alright?'... 'Am I alright?!'... I've never been less alright in the entire sixteen years of my life! My soulmate, your sidekick- no, your son-, just died and you have the nerve to ask me that?! After your half-assed searches and giving Tim the Robin mantle, giving the Joker some fucking leverage to break Jason down further?! Meanwhile, I'm trying to find a way to use my powers to contact him or locate him and nothing I did worked! Then, finally, when I found a potential solution, a way to save him... that clown shoots him dead!"

More tears came pouring from your eyes as you collapsed into the Bat's chest, unable to keep yourself up with how much emotional pain you were in. Your whole body felt like it was made of lead and you couldn't get up. You couldn't do anything else but cry...

As a piece of you had just died hours ago...

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

A Failed Betrothal (4)

Am I doing this right? I mostly do write this when I am between the state of sleep and awareness. Hope you enjoy this.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1) (Part 3)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PART 4

Marinette came to a dungeon cell with two other prisoners. One of them was awake and he looked vaguely familiar. The other had an ugly red helmet that didn’t help with the headache she had.

“Do you know where we are?” She asked the handsome stranger with beautiful green eyes, her throat a little dry.

Wait. Handsome?

No bad Marinette. Don’t fall for fellow prisoners, no matter how cute he looks. Oh Kwamis, she was already screwed.

He still hadn’t replied. Maybe he didn’t understand French. She tried to ask again in another language before her enhanced hearing picked up the sound of footsteps. She faked unconsciousness. Later, she heard the iron door open. She looked through the tiniest slits of her eyes she could muster while the two held a staring/glaring match. Oh shit, that’s the fame Talia Al Ghul, daughter of Ra’s, head of the League of Shadows, and the boy she was glaring at had some resemblance to her, so he must be her son, Dennis? Daniel? Damon?

"Damian, I hope you know what you should do."

Ohh..Damian. Where had she heard that name before?

"To be forcefully married to that little girl. She is no one special. Why am I getting married to her?"

Ouch, that hurts. Well, Damian, just because I forgot your name does not mean you can call me a little girl. I can also kill you very easily and painfully.

“Well, Jason, you are awake. You can be the best man for the wedding.”

“No. I don’t know what game you are playing but you better release us. B is gonna find us and you will pay. Let the girl go. She is innocent in all of this.” Red Helmet, Jason, is officially not going on her hit list for his atrocious fashion choices. But that red monstrosity still needs to go.

"Ladybug may not seem like it but she possesses great power that my father converted for centuries. Speaking of, she should be awake by now."

Marinette felt her hair being yanked. A little pain was expected but the really sharp claws digging into her scalp was not. Making her cry and tear up.

”I am so sorry, kit.” Plagg whispered in the kwami language, loosening his claws.

"Tch, See, she is more pathetic than I thought. She is not powerful." Damian growled out.

Geez, thanks for the compliment, it’s not like you ever had a tiny cat dig its claws into your scalp out of surprise. (Damian once had a kitten thrown at his head and if he knew about Plagg, he would have been sympathetic.) Marinette started begging for mercy, hoping they would buy the helpless girl out of the suit that is ill-suited for the job she had been chosen for and had no idea on how to escape.

“Like I thought, weak. She is not deserving of the title of my wife.”

Oh kwamis, what did she ever do to have such a picky groom? The more he insults her, the less she wants to be married to him.

"Appearance can be deceiving. Despite her demeanor, she is the current wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous and the Current Guardian. The old Guardian, the old fool had promised her in exchange for his protection."

Great, another reason to stop her mother from killing a senile old man.

"That doesn't mean I want to marry her. She is not worthy of an Al Ghul or a Wayne. Look at her, crying at the slightest feeling of pain."

So that’s where she heard it from. The boy was the son of the daughter of a guy who leads a secret order of assassins and a man that owns a multi-million business. How even did a billionaire meet an assassin, ends up in bed with her and lives? Something to think about for later. She quieted down her sobs, (beat that acting, Rossi) kept her voice low to hatch out a plan with Plagg in the kwami language while the mother-son duo bickered.

“Hey, Plagg before you go, you think I can do that thing, the one which your one of your past holders from Japan can do.”

“You have a lot of potential for destruction but you have not used the ring for a long time yet so I am not sure.”

“I will give it a go anyways. Nothing to lose after all. See you later, Plagg.” Marinette smiled, one that drove fear into the hearts of even the bravest of people. Plagg returned it, already loving the new Guardian before zipping out of the cell to do some scouting. Using the enhanced strength the French superheroine got from prolonged use of the Miraculous, she yanked the chains of the walls and wrapped them around Talia’s neck, cutting off her air supply.

The League of Assassins thought that they could kidnap her and get away with it. But they were no match for the daughter of Sabine Cheng, the deadly Blue Reaper. A high ranking member from the group of assassins and mercenaries called the Guild of Night, who had semi-retired. Kidnapping her was a bad move to make as it meant they had declared war on the Guild, despite the reason behind her abduction having a completely different intention.

She whispered as such to the older woman in her tight grip, making sure the League would know how much they had fucked up. After dropping the limp body, she took a deep breath and tried channeling some of her energy for what she was about to do.

Well, here goes nothing.

She breathed out on the shackles, turning it to rust.

Success!

She introduced herself as Lady and concentrated the energy from before into her hand, forming inky black orbs of destruction in order to free her fellow captives. She felt a little drained from doing magic out of the suit and tried not to show it. Plagg returned, informing her of where the Ra’s and the Pits were. She grinned at the thought of showing old Ra’s who the boss is and made sure he regretted ever messing with her. She explained about Plagg as vaguely as she can, no need to let anyone know about the miraculous than necessary. Sure her plan sounds insane but the boys don’t know who they were with.

She would worry about that curse after she got out of Nanda Parbat. Although she could probably find something in the grimoire to reverse it, she was still an amateur at magic so it was best to have a professional to take care of it. Marinette didn’t want to be with such an asshole, no matter how striking he looks in those regal robes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Picking off the League assassins, one by one was easy especially in her transformed state. She hadn’t appraised her suit properly but from what she had seen, it wasn’t like Chat Noir’s leather get-up. She was armoured in vital areas and her colour scheme was mainly black with green accents. There were vials that were probably poisons and pouches which she decided to look at later. She still had a long braid as a tail from her brief stint as Lady Noire and she wondered why her suit was different. While hiding in a niche she found, she called the bakery via the comm in one of her various pouches.

“Hello?”

“Papa, it’s me, Marinette. Do you know where Maman is?”

“She went out of Paris, talking about how this League must pay. I think she is meeting up with several of her old friends. Are you alright, my little blossom? I know you can take care of yourself but I worry.” The relief in Tom’s voice was palpable. However, she was right and the Guild was going to war against the League. Marinette was adored by nearly everyone in the Guild due to her strangely bubbly and cheery personality in the harsh and brutal lifestyle.

“I am fine, Papa. Did Maman use the Horse to leave? And how are my friends?” She knew they might be in a panic after her disappearance.

“I think she did. I didn’t see Kalki when I went to feed the kwamis. Your friends panicked when they found out you were kidnapped. But they are fine now, mostly worried about you. Took care of some akumas and senti monsters by themselves. I think your fencer friend, Kagami, knows more about the League than she lets on.” Of course, she does. Her mother was a member of the Guild before being blinded due to a mission. Kagami and her actually first met during a reunion party of sorts.

“Thank you, Papa. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

She hung up and dialed the personal phone number her mother uses that only Marinette and her father knows about. She waited for the call to connect, trying to think of ways to stop her mother from storming into the League’s base of operation.

“Maman, it’s me. I know you want to attack the League right this minute. But I have a better plan. Can you get Tikki’s earrings from Alix? We can use them and the ring to destroy the Lazarus Pits. Make them really angry.” She peeked out of the niche she was hiding in. She had been there for a while and needed to move to gain some grounds.

“Where are you? And are you okay?” Panic and worry filled her usually composed mother’s voice.

“I am somewhere in Nanda Parbat and I am fine. I was nearly married off to Talia’s son but I am not now. I think.” Marinette replied. Better to rip that band-aid off before she showed up with her would-have-been-husband. She jumped out of the niche and looked

“Kalki, Full Gallop. Okay, we will talk about the ‘nearly married’ part later. What was this plan to destroy the Lazarus Pits?” Sabine thought she was already used to Marinette’s brand of craziness that was her normal but apparently, not.

“I am currently on my way there. Plagg said we need Tikki to get rid of them. Since the League pissed me off and by extension you and the rest of the Guild, I thought our first move against them is to destroy the Pits and a trail of bodies. By the way, can you get some cheese for Plagg?” Marinette ran through the halls, knocking out some poor sod with a whack on the head.

Silence. She thought Sabine had hung up when-

“Voyage. Alix, where are you? We need Tikki for one of Marinette’s insane plans. And Marinette, stay safe, sweety, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Bye, Maman. See you there.”

Marinette turned another corner, the last one before the path that leads to the entrance where the Lazarus Pits were. She only managed to find it with Plagg’s voice in her head, whispering directions and Tikki’s luck. Unfortunately, the luck ran out because the entrance had a lot of guards who had spotted her.

Crap.

She hoped her mother would get here soon. Thankfully, being transformed gave her a boost and would help her to hold her ground for a while.

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Damian and Red Hood followed the trail of unconscious bodies and sounds of fights, trying to find Lady. Damian was impressed at the level of her skills to defeat many of the League’s assassins although he could probably do better. They relied on his memory to find the Lazarus Pits which was their best bet to finding her as she claimed to be able to destroy them. If Lady possessed such powers, they must find out whether she is a threat to the world or not. And also break the infernal curse they have.

Red Hood was silent mostly. He made a few jabs about how kick ass his ‘bride’ was and how the current Robin should not let her get away. Damian tried really hard not to just maim his adopted brother and also ignore that little fluttering in his chest that happened every time they saw an unconscious assassin left behind by Lady. The sounds of fighting got louder as they got nearer to the entrance. They turned the final corner to see Lady fighting against the guards who outnumbered her. But she seemed to be doing fine against them. Mostly.

One had slipped through her defenses and nearly stabbed her in the back if it weren’t for Damian grabbing one of Red Hood’s guns and shooting a rubber bullet to the neck. He jumped into the fight, grabbing the fallen assassin’s sword and taking out the knife he got from his mother. Jason joined in too, not going to let the two teens have all the fun.

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“Thanks for the save, Al Ghul but I don’t know why you bothered when me being dead would solve your curse problem.” Lady said as the guards laid around them and they tried to catch their breath.

“It’s Wayne. I go by Wayne these days. Being an Al Ghul is not something I learned to be proud of. And as much as I don’t want this curse, your death is not worth that price.” he replied, “Although, I have to wonder why you would choose to die rather than live.”

She chuckled, “Okay, Wayne, to answer your question. Petty teenage drama makes death much more preferable. On top of that, I have responsibilities that I was practically forced into for doing one little act of kindness.” Her tone was joking but there was a touch of bitterness in it. It made Damian want to find out what caused it. Red Hood looked at her in concern. Lady went down the stairs, ignoring their reactions to her words. They followed her, not wanting to lose sight of her again.

The Lazarus Pits emitted a green glow that lit up the cave and cast strange shadows on the walls. At the edge of the glowing toxic green waters was a woman in dark blue clothing and strangely enough wearing sunglasses. Strapped to her sides were two Dao, ancient Chinese swords. She wore a vindictive expression on her face as she stood staring at the green lake, likely to kill anyone who gets in her way. Damian didn’t recognize the woman as part of the League but taking no chances, he got into a fighting stance and Hood did the same. Lady calmly approached the woman. He reached out to grab her to stop her suicidal nature when she shocked him by speaking to the blue-clad assassin in French,

“Hey, Maman, sorry I am late. I had a little trouble with the guards upstairs. You have Tikki?”

Lady’s mother rushed to hug her, “灵儿 (líng er), I am just glad you are alright. I knew you could handle yourself.”

How the hell did Lady’s mother get to the Lazarus Pits faster than them and snuck past several vigilant guards? Before Damian could question further, a red blur appeared and went to Lady’s face, hugging her cheek. It appeared to be the same size as Plagg but was red, looked like a bug and had a black dot on its forehead.

“Oh, Marinette, you are alright. I was so worried when your mother showed up, saying you were kidnapped and needed my earrings to escape.” Unlike Plagg’s nasally voice, her voice was sweet and shrill.

So, my bride’s name is Marinette. Such a unique name for an intriguing girl.

Wait what?

Wayne, stop thinking such ridiculous notions. That is probably the curse working. Resist against it. He will not be ensnared in the traps of such magic. He hoped that the curse will be reversed before he turns and act like those fools in Grayson’s idiotic shows or Todd’s ‘secret’ romance novels.

“I am fine now. See,” reassured Lady, “We actually need you and Plagg to reverse the Lazarus Pits to what it was before someone made the wish that resulted in them in the first place. Oh, I almost forgot. Plagg, claws in.”

Green light flashed, leaving Lady in her wedding robes (which actually flatter her body. Shit. Think of something else. Drake with a smug superior smile that needs to be wiped off his face. Grayson and his plans for ‘family bonding’) and Plagg to reappear.

“Cheese.” whined the cat-like kwami(?) to which the older woman held out a brown bag that smelled and made Plagg perk up in delight. He proceeded to open the bag, taking out a slice of stinky cheese, muttering about the greatness of camembert.

Todd cleared his throat and asked in English, “Umm...Pixie as much as your reunion is touching. Who’s the new lady?”

“Oh Right, sorry. Well, Red Hood, this is my mother, the Blue Reaper of the Guild of Night. Maman, this is Red Hood and the one next to him is my husband-to-be and Talia’s Spawn, Damian Wayne.”

Lady introduced them, also in English. Damian stilled in fear, recognizing the name. The Blue Reaper nearly became his mother-in-law. She was famous for her efficiency and ruthlessness. And gained her nickname from the blue clothing she often wore as she killed her targets. His eyes also widened at how his grandfather had gone a little too far now by kidnapping the Reaper’s daughter. There were other organizations that could possibly take down the League if it weren’t for the somewhat truce between Ra’s and the other leaders. The Guild was one of them and having the Lazarus Pits to revive their soldiers made the League a little more powerful. But if what the mother-daughter duo were planning succeeded, then the League was going to have one of its most deadly wars in its history and would probably never recover from.

“Tikki, Plagg, you guys ready?” asked Lady.

“Yes, Guardian.” They both replied and emitted a blinding red and green light which Damian shielded his eyes from. When it died down, the Lazarus Pits no longer glowed a toxic green and looked… like normal hot spring water.

“Oh. I wished I could see Ra’s face when he finds out.” Lady laughed. Plagg and Todd joined in.

“Pixie, I am beginning to like you.”

“Voyage. That being said, it’s time to go home, Marinette. Your father must be worried sick about us by now. I hope you boys can find your own way back.” A portal opened up, showing a cozy living room. Damian grabbed Lady’s wrist as she moved towards it.

“Wait, let us come with you. We need to contact someone to get rid of the curse on both of us. And we can also call our father to send us tickets for a ride home wherever you live.”

“Curse? Marinette, you never mentioned a curse in your call.” Blue Reaper said, raising her eyebrow.

“I will explain later. They can come with us and I am pretty sure Ra’s knows that we have escaped by now.” Lady grabbed the two brothers and dragged them through the portal.

She then threw herself onto the couch after releasing her hold on them and the two pocket gods went to comfort her after her ordeal. The Blue Reaper stood where the other portal was and fed a floating tiny gray horse, that must be the same species as Tikki or Plagg, some sugarcubes.

“You boys must be tired but the showers are upstairs and we might have some clothes your size. Dinner will be ready in an hour. You can stay the night if you want. Welcome to Paris.”

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(Part 5)

[captmickey]

Okay so I guess I'm sharing them!

I don't have names for them exactly (still teetering between names I like and the necessary pun name which is taking a hot minute) but the law firm is as such:

-Currently six members in it. It didn't necessarily intend to happen but slowly it just kinda happen? And that's totally fine because hey, the more the merrier and office rent is now suddenly cheaper when everyone pitches in.

-One of them joked on naming the firm "The Office of Such and Junk". The others latched on to the idea so while it does an official proper name, they keep referring to the firm as such (to the joker's dismay).

-Of COURSE they heard of Phoenix Wright, they even each had a chance of running into him in the courthouse on different occasions and the stories they have... wild.

-Speaking of which, members time! Five of them are lawyers, one of them is a legal assistant. As mentioned before, their names aren't solidified just yet but I have a general idea? I just want it to meet the pun theme that is the Ace Attorney universe:

-Owner/Head of the law firm name is Ned (at the moment). Older man who is a father of three. Good hearted and cares for his firm but can be a bit of an airhead at times. Some claim to hear lobby music, one of them joke if you press your head against his you'll hear it. He studied briefly in the same firm as Marvin Grossberg before deciding to do his own firm so he can control his office time/family time.

-I don't have a name just yet so for now I'll call him A. A is someone who shadowed under Ned before fully joining his law firm. He momentarily stepped away from studying law when his mother fell ill and finance got strained. Ned insisted he would help because he saw potential and acted as both close friend/father figure to A. Pretty soft spoken both in and out of court. One time complained when trying to read his court notes and heard someone screaming that They're Fine.

Lucille (at the moment) is one of the lawyers. She's bubbly and always eager to go to court, sometimes gives off the vibe that she enjoys seeing people panic under testimony but no. Nope. She's just that excited. However she is very sharp and perceptive and can be an actual genuine threat in the courtroom as well as supremely soft spoken and caring to her coworkers and other lawyers when they need someone to talk to. She ran into Athena one day and got excited over the fancy necklace she has.

-I don't have a name for this lawyer either so for now I'll call him B. He never strived at being a lawyer, he never found a real calling to it. He did, however, defend before in the last albeit reluctantly because his friend asked him to (said friend claimed he read a prosecutor pose a lawyer and a loan shark... he'll be fine) and eventually became a part time lawyer. However, after his friend passed away, it left him distraught and not wanting to go back... until another friend got called to court ala Larry and begged for his defense. Lucille supervised and rooted for him, even persuading him to join the firm full time. He has baggage and he's very very dry with his sarcasm and has quite the foul language, but he's good at his job when he wants to be.

-Victor (THE ONLY ONE WHOSE NAME LATCHED PERFECTLY... just need a last name). Another lawyer but hailing from England who came to the states for a job opportunity. He's fairly new into the law scene but he's read countless books and stories and now wants to be a part of the courtroom. Huuuuuuge fan of the Herlock Sholmes stories but no where near as eccentric, he is also a fan of Edgeworth and how he conducts trials using logic and facts which is exactly how he conducts court proceedings by combining Edgeworth's and Herlock's assessments. Occasionally needs to shadow under one of the lawyers.... usually it's B. Victor also has some quiet snide remarks to make to B's entertainment.

Legal Assistant whose name is on the fence came is also from England and joined Victor for a job opportunity. She would have been a lawyer had it not been for the fact that she locks up entirely to confrontations which... is counterproductive as a lawyer. So instead she opted for assistant which is much much MUCH more preferable as the focus isn't on her from others and just the firm she's a part of. In court she's whispering only to the lawyer she's paired with, outside she's rather bold and unapologetic to speak her mind to the confusion of everyone but Victor.

Fun fact: B gave the joke name to the firm and Lucille latched to it.

.....I think I just thought up an Ace Attorney OC......

Ohboy