#when he just needs to focus on making sure dean doesn’t die

[samdeancrimespree]

very small detail in mystery spot… but the very first tuesday sam goes to brush his teeth and there’s toothpaste like all over the tube and it’s mostly empty. and he looks at dean like “seriously?” and dean shrugs. then after dean dies, during the montage of sam living alone on his revenge mission, there’s a shot of him brushing his teeth and the toothpaste tube is clean. the trunk is organized, the photos on the wall are lined up, the guns are spotless, the bed is made. the toothpaste tube is clean. dean was always the one who made the motel room a home, made it messy, made it lived in. there’s no mess. there’s no dean. sam doesn’t know how to do that. he’s never needed to. maybe never even noticed that’s what dean was doing; he was too busy complaining about his dirty clothes being everywhere.

it is so extremely codependent how sam’s ocd behaviours spike when dean is gone. like dean is his emotional support animal. “we keep each other human” in a very non-supernatural way. sam can only function on a normal level if he knows dean is ok. no one and nothing can drag sam out of that spiral other than dean, because there’s no reason to get out of the spiral if dean isn’t there. sam calls dean selfish for making the deal not because sam wouldn’t do the same thing, but because the prospect of living without dean is hell to him.

[allthesmutl0vers]

The Fate Of Us: Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Y/n

One Week Later

To say that living with Bobby is great is an understatement. Ever since I showed up at his door a week ago, he has taken me in as his own. Well, technically, I am his flesh and blood… But it’s nothing like it was to live with my father.

Bobby has taken me under his wing and taught me so many things in just one short week. He’s shown me how to work on cars, patiently explaining the different parts and how to troubleshoot any issues on my own.

He’s also shown me a few fighting moves. According to Bobby, just because I can’t die doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to fight. At the same time, I’ve told him a few things I’ve picked up from watching the show. For example, to kill a dragon, you need to use something called ‘The sword of Bruncvik.’ Or that curing the virus from the darkness— which I also explained— you simply pour holy oil over the blackened veins.

Today, the anticipation is electric as I prepare to meet Sam and Dean. My nerves are on edge, but the excitement is undeniable.

Bobby told me not to worry. That even though Dean is a little rough around the edges, he’s a good guy. And that he’s sure that Sam is just as nice as he seems.

I’m trying to focus on writing my novel, thankful that I was able to bring my laptop and phone here with me. Even more thankful that they still work and are somehow still connected to my old world. Usually, I���d watch Supernatural to calm my nerves and anxiety, but something about watching it inside Bobby’s house just feels wrong.

Instead of seeking solace in Supernatural, I turn to my world of words. I’m diving into my new novel, a dark college bully romance. As I shut out the new world around me, I feel a sense of purpose and escape, ready to immerse myself in my writing.

I’m just starting on the second chapter when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I jump, almost knocking over my laptop, as I turn around to see Bobby with Sam and Dean standing on either side of him.

God have mercy. The show did not prepare me for how tall they actually are.

Sam is obviously taller than Dean, but actually, being in front of him, I can see how hazel his eyes actually are. A deep, warm brown in the center, with a pale green around the edges. His body is massive, standing at at least six foot eight. His biceps pressed against the short sleeves of his t-shirt. But he’s not intimidating; instead, he feels inviting. Like the kind of guy you could just relax and hang out with, doing something by doing nothing.

Then there’s Dean. Good lord… Deep emerald green eyes that feel too green to be real, his gaze piercing through me as he seems to analyze me for any threat risks. Though he’s not as tall as Sam is, he’s still tall. Standing at somewhere around maybe six foot four. Either way, both of them are a foot or more taller than I am. Dean’s arms are crossed over his chest, suggesting he feels wary about me and my presence here. He doesn’t make me feel unwelcome here, just out of place.

I shift on my feet as Bobby clears his throat again. “I told you, boys, she sure does love to write,” Bobby chuckles. Sam chuckles with him, giving me a small smirk as Dean’s face remains almost unreadable. “Boys, this is y/n. Y/n, this is Sam and Dean.”

Sam is the first one to step forward, leaning slightly over the back of the couch and holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you. Don’t mind Dean,” Sam chuckles as he shakes my hand.

I smile softly and nod my head once. “Y/n, nice to meet you too,” I respond, trying not to feel so nervous. “And I’ll try.”

Sam smiles a little more broadly, chuckling as he runs a hand through his hair. “So, uh, Bobby said you’re not from around here,” Sam says politely.

Dean scoffs and shakes his head. “That’s one way of saying it,” he says grumpily.

I suck my bottom lip between my teeth.

Oh God, he hates me. Maybe I should’ve had Chuck at least make him more welcoming to me. This sucks.

No. No, y/n, this is better. This is real. It’s not right to manipulate how people feel about you.

I clear my throat and look at Dean. “What’s the other way to say it?” I ask, challenging him and cocking a brow in his direction. I took shit from Jim for too long, I won’t take it from Dean too. No matter how much it may hurt.

Dean narrows his eyes at me, straightening his back and taking a step closer, keeping his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “I was going to say you don’t belong here. This isn’t your world. Why don’t you go back to yours where everything is all sunshine and rainbows and leave the monsters to the professionals.” He spits back.

“Dean!” Bobby says loudly behind him.

Now I’m fuming. I clench my jaw and step right up to him, looking into his dark green eyes. “Ever stop to think that God brought me here to save your asses? From that giant ass ego, you’re carrying around?” I snap back at him.

Dean’s nostrils flare as I see my own anger reflected back at me. I’m so focused on not backing down from Dean that I barely hear Sam and Bobby snicker.

Dean looks me up and down as if he’s sizing me up. Dean leans down to my ear, and I fight to keep myself from shivering as he whispers in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine. “Stay out of my way, little girl, or you’ll find out what part of me is even bigger than my ego. And I won’t go easy on you either.”

My breath hitches in my chest as I fight the urge to clench my thighs together. Dean leans back and cocks an eyebrow at me before turning back to Bobby and Sam. Dean walks out of the living room and into the kitchen. Sam follows Dean, shaking his head at his brother.

“Did he threaten you, darlin’?” Bobby asks, leaning down to my height. I shake my head no because I can’t repeat what Dean just said to anyone, especially Bobby. “Alright, well, let’s go eat.”

Bobby walks into the kitchen, leaving me in the living room. I suck in a breath, gathering my composure before I enter the kitchen.

I take a seat at the table between Bobby and Sam, sitting directly across from Dean. “So,” Sam clears his throat, looking at me. “How do you like it here so far?” Sam asks me as Bobby places a pot of spaghetti on the table.

I give him a small smile. “I really like it. I’ve learned a lot here, and I can’t wait to meet more people,” I respond kindly.

“Bobby mentioned that in your world, this is all a TV show? I think me and Dean have been to that world before,” Sam says, carrying on the conversation as he loads up his plate.

I nod my head. “Yeah, but it’s a little different from the one you guys went to. I remember that episode,” I say, taking the spoon from Sam, putting food on my plate, and passing it to Bobby.

“Oh? How so?” Sam asks with genuine curiosity as he takes a bite.

“Well, you did actually marry Ruby— Genieve is her name in my world,” Dean snickers across the table. I throw him a glare and continue. “She’s actually really nice; I’ve met her a few times. And Dean married an angel; her name here is Sister Jo, but in my world, it’s Danneel.”

“Dean? Marrying an angel?” Bobby quips with a chuckle.

I giggle softly. “But one thing that was vastly different was that in my world, you guys are best friends, more like brothers, just not blood-related.”

“Wow, that sounds a lot better than the world we went to. Huh, Dean?” Sam asks Dean, who is shoveling spaghetti in his mouth.

Dean swallows and takes a long drag of his beer. “I guess,” he shrugs. ���Is there anything you don’t know?” Dean asks me in a mocking tone.

“Jesus, Dean, would it kill you to be nice?” Bobby asks him grumpily.

Dean shrugs. “Probably not. But who knows what she actually knows,” Dean says, taking another drink.

“I know your favorite porn is ‘Busty Asian Beauties,’” I fire back cockily as I take another bite.

Sam chokes on his beer, and Bobby’s eyes widen before he shakes his head, lowering it.

Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “So you know what kind of porn I like, so what? What about stuff I’ve done?” Dean asks, challenging me once again.

“Like the cool stuff you’ve killed?” I ask, taking a sip of my beer. Dean nods his head. I sigh and think back to stuff he’s killed. “Well, let’s see. I’d say Hitler was probably the coolest.”

“I killed Hitler?” Dean asks wide-eyed.

I nod my head. “But my favorite was probably when you killed Death.”

Dean laughs once and claps his hands with a victorious face. “See, now you’re making shit up. You can’t kill Death. He’s Death.”

I chuckle and lean on my elbows, locking my eyes on his. “You can if you kill him with his own scythe,” I quip back.

“She’s right,” Sam says, pointing at me with his beer bottle.

Dean looks at Sam with a glare. “Who’s side are you on, man?” Dean asks grumpily.

“We’re all on the same side, Dean,” Bobby answers before Sam can.

“And what side is that exactly?” Dean asks, looking at all three of us. “Because last I checked, I didn’t sign on for this job,” Dean looks directly at me. “Why are you even here exactly?” Dean asks.

I look at Bobby, who knows the deal I made with Chuck and why I’m here. Bobby nods once, and I look back at Dean. “I’m here to help God,” I respond, trying not to feel nervous and like I’m spilling a secret— But Chuck never said I couldn’t tell anyone why I’m here.

“What? You met him?” Sam asks from my right side. I turn to look at him and nod.

“Help him with what?” Dean asks, suddenly more interested.

I sigh and lean back in my chair. “He wants to be a better God. He wants a second chance instead of you guys killing him,” I respond to Dean.

“Excuse me, did you just say we kill God?” Dean asks wide-eyed.

I nod my head. “Well, Jack took his powers while he beat the shit out of you two and Cas—tiel,” I stop myself from using Castiel’s nickname, still unsure that I should be using it, considering I haven’t met him yet. “You didn’t really kill him yourselves, but you left him in the middle of the woods with no powers, and he almost died from not being able to survive in the wilderness.”

“Oh my god,” Sam mutters.

“He deserved it, don’t get me wrong. But he wants to be better, and so he called on an angel who took him back in time to about now, and he came to my world to bring me here and help him be better. Something about how he loves my writing, and how I know so much about this world and how it ended, and since he loves to write and knew I was miserable in my world, is what made him decide on me,” I explain to Sam and Dean.

“Mhm. And who is God exactly?” Dean asks skeptically.

I shrug my shoulders. “Chuck Shurley,” I respond, taking a sip of my beer.

“Chuck? As in, author of the Supernatural books Chuck?” Sam asks, surprised.

I nod my head, and Dean laughs, drawing my attention to him. “Bullshit, Chuck is a prophet, not God.”

“Right, he said that. But think about it, Dean,” I lean on the table again. “God has been hidden from angels and demons and everything else; what better place to hide than in plain sight?” I ask him.

“Alright, then explain to me why his name is on the list of prophets,” Dean challenges.

I can’t help but groan and roll my eyes at his arrogance. “And who makes the list of prophets?” I ask him.

“God does,” Sam answers from my side. I turn and nod my head.

Dean shakes his head. “So let me get this straight,” Dean pinches the spot on his nose between his eyes. “God went back in time, got his powers back, and brought you here, to our world, just because he didn’t want to die?” Dean asks.

I nod my head. “Essentially. He made a deal with me to come here and help him be a better God to change his fate.”

“And what was this deal exactly?” Dean asks.

“Boilerplate? That I got to come here because my life in my world sucked, that Bobby got to come back to life and everything here,” I motion around me. “Would be just as it was before the whole Leviathan thing, and that he couldn’t interfere with your lives, Castiel’s, Jody’s, Donna’s, Jack’s, anyone who knows you really, just because he was bored. Which is what he did before.”

“And in return, you just simply help him be a better dude?” Dean asks skeptically.

I nod my head. “Yeah, basically.”

Dean and Sam both slump back in their chairs. “Jesus,” Sam mutters.

Dean chugs the rest of his beer, tossing the empty bottle into the trash can. “Alright then. Guess we’re stuck with you for the time being,” Dean says to me with a cocky smirk on his lips.

I lean back in my chair and sip my beer. “Woe is you,” I reply in an equally mocking tone.

“This is going to be fun,” Sam says, chuckling in a playfully sarcastic tone.

Chapter Four

[nymph1e]

Let’s Talk About Storytelling

Hi @ronon-dex​ thanks for your super polite reply to this post! I was initally going to respond in the post, but it sort of turned into this whole meta, so I thought I’d transfer it here.

You do realize that the hero's journey and narrative symmetry doesn't ACTUALLY end with the characters in the exact same place, right? It ends with them going back to "normal" but with things changed.

I'll give you a good example of the heroes journey and narrative symmetry: Frodo in lotr. He starts out living in hobbitton happy, but he wants to leave and see the world and go on an adventure. He does that, but spends most of his journey wanting to come home. Only when he returns home he is so irrevocably changed that he can't find happiness in his home anymore and needs to leave.

Another good example of storytelling from the lord of the rings: Aragorn starts out denying his family legacy, and hiding from his destiny as a ranger. His story arc is about learning to accept his destiny, and take responsibility to be king. In the end, he grows as a character and becomes king. Now would his story have been satisfying if he'd gone back to be a ranger?

Another example, this time of bad storytelling, is Jaime Lannister, specifically in the Game of Thrones TV show. He starts off completely devoted to Cercei, and it's shown to be an unhealthy relationship. His character arc is about branching out as a person and separating himself from his toxic relationship with his sister. In the end, he dies with his sister, the thing he'd been fighting against the entire show. This was widely regarded to be a poor ending for his character.

So why is Jaime’s ending bad, when Frodo’s is good? Well the difference here is chnage, and satisfaction of story arc.

The Frodo ending works because while Frodo is off on his journey, all he wants is to go home, and when he gets that, it's not something he can have anymore. There's change in that storyline, even if on the surface it seems like he's come full circle, things are DIFFERENT. The plot of the story had an effect. Is it a happy ending? No. It’s tragic, but it fits in with the themes of the story.

Jaime’s ending doesn’t fit because nothing changes, and it doesn’t make sense in the story. The mesage of his story wasn’t “nobody can change” it was “anyone can change”, then it was destroyed when he doesn’t. Jaime could have had a tragic ending that made narrative sence, but his ending did not.

So does Supernatural’s ending fit with the story of Supernatural? No. Sam and Dean aren’t the people they were when that was their ending, but they're shoved back into it like round pegs into square holes. Does it sort of fit? Sure. But poorly.

Sam's character arc throughout the show has been him learning not to deal in absolutes. He believes that he can either be a hunter and have Dean in his life, or have a family, but he learns that he can have both through Eileen. So for him to end up with the white picket fence, alone, without his connection to hunting and his brother is dissatisfying.

Dean's story arc was about him learning that he wasn't just "daddy's blunt instument". That he was his own person, had his own fate and could be happy. So to have him die young while hunting is dissatisfying.

Now aside from the characters' arcs being left in the dirt from the ending, you also have the overarching message of the show.

For multiple seasons the message of the show was about carving your own path making your own destiny. So how exactly does them deciding to go full circle make any sense? I suppose you could say that the overall message of the show is "you can't fight fate", except its explicitly not, considering they defeated literal God the episode before.

Finally, since most people seem to think our problem with the end is about destiel, let's make a more narratively satisfying conclusion without it, hm?

First of all, don't have Cas confess his love in episode 18. If you're not going to follow it up in any way, then you shouldn't bring it up in the first place.

Sam marries Eileen, and they have a kid or two. They don't stay in the bunker, but they stay close, maybe they move into Lebanon. They still hunt, because Sam finds satisfaction in it, but it's no longer the sole focus of their entire lives. He get’s a melding of the two worlds he always thought couldn’t meet.

Dean settles into the bunker, but starts taking online classes, maybe he starts working in the mechanic shop in town. Cas and Jack live with him, because even without romance they're still family. Dean hunts a lot less, but starts coordinating hunters from the bunker. On weekends, he visits Sam, Eileen and the kids. He does what he always wanted but never expected to do: grows old and happy, surrounded by family.

Now look me in the face and tell me that's less satisfying then "Dean dies in a random hunt, Sam gives up hunting and marries a faceless woman".

[suicidalslasher]

𝒋𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒚 - 𝒋𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒅.

the one where Jason is a jealous  dumbass,  that’s it -  that’s the plot.

WARNINGS: This is a Jason Dean fanfiction, therefore, you all know what you’re signing up for. I don’t really got to tell you, twice. 

  Possessive!Jason. Jealous!Jason. Female reader, reader’s pronouns are she/her. 

Slight mention and scene of choking but it’s not graphic. A hint of NSFW but it isn’t shown. Also there’s a few mentions of blood but it’s not a lot, either. I wanted to tag that nonetheless, too. Also, Jason actually shows emotions in this which is out of character but in MY world, Jason Dean is a simp to his girlfriend and would rather die than to live a day without her. 

I may add the smut scene later on, who knows?  Not me. This is my first imagine of Jason Dean so be nice to me or I’ll be like Ghostface and gut you like a fish (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*  

If you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to follow and or leave me a request, as they are open. If you also like my work and or have a dollar to  spare, as it will help me write and create more stories like this one, my ko-fi is here. 

Thank you and enjoy :)

White knuckles from clenching his fists too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, Jason bit back his words, knowing they'd be harsh and full of  poison.  He's fully aware of how much damage he'd likely cause if he spit out the words that were on his mind.  He was going to break, and he knew it wasn't going to take too long until he did so.   Yet, as the female continued to talk beside him as an attempt to grab his attention, the feelings only grew larger and he dug his teeth into his bottom lip, the metallic taste of blood trickling on the tip of his tongue.   Jason swallowed that anger when it was nothing but a fire-seed and he had forgotten to drink something cold right after, in an effort to calm himself down;   therefore, it grew in his stomach until it came out hotter than any dragon breath.... all those negative emotions that swam in his veins  and crept in the pit of his stomach exploded and all the feelings he desperately was trying to hold back came burning on the one person he loved the most, his girlfriend, (Y/N). His face was red with suppressed rage and when (Y/N)  set her finger on his shoulder, he swung around and mentally snapped, his nostrils flared  and his pupils were blown and dilated  as he snarled like an  out of control beast.  "I hate him more than I do the Heathers," spat Jason,  as he pushes his girlfriend up against the wall, the framed photograph that hung there now remained at the bottom of their feet, shattered into hundreds of pieces.   "I don't like you hanging out with him." Jason growled, his fingers curling around (Y/N)'s throat, feeling her pulse begin to quicken  as he presses his weight down onto the palm of his hand.  "Do you know how much it hurts to see you look at someone else? To see you smile at someone else? It makes me feel sick.”     "Jason... Let go of me. Let's talk. Please? You don't even know him... if you'll let me speak and tell you-"  "You love him, don't you?" Jason hisses, the sentence feeling like a slap to (Y/N)'s face as he throws out this statement.... it was a lie, that's what it was and (Y/N) desperately was trying to tell him how wrong he was but he just wouldn't listen, the arrogant  son of a bitch never listens!    "You love him more than you do me."  Before either teen realizes it, Jason is letting go of (Y/N)'s throat only for him to raise his hand up  into a fist and he's punching the only other framed photograph that was beside her, the glass shattering behind his knuckles. (Y/N) screams in horror and although she's pissed off, she - obviously - still cares about her boyfriend.  "Jason!" (Y/N) yelps, tears falling down her cheeks as she rushes to her boyfriend's side, examining his hand which was now dripping with crimson, a few drops of red landing on the now broken picture frame and the wooden floor beneath their feet. "C'mon, I've got a first aid kit around here, somewhere-" "You love him." Jason repeats, ignoring the fact she was trying to help him.  He pulls his hand back, dropping his arm by his side, not  even caring about the way the blood was falling from his knuckles and staining both his pants and shirt. The anger and venom that once coated his words were now replaced with a hint of sadness and heartbreak.  She's never seen him this upset before.... regardless, if he'd just calm down, she could explain.  "Jason, baby-" His voice broke as he looked up at (Y/N), sad eyes meeting with her confused but angry gaze. On top of those, she was sad, too.   "Go then. Go to him, if you prefer to spend your day with him rather than your own boyfriend. You don't care about me, I'm not sure you ever did."  (Y/N) sighed, shaking her head as a few more tears spill past her cheeks. "Fine. If you won't let me talk and tell you my side of the story, I'm leaving. If that's what you think and if you truly think I don't give a fuck about you, I'm gone." (Y/N) mutters, letting go of his hand as she walks back over to the door, grabbing her keys and wallet before storming out the door, slamming the door shut as she leaves.

A week passes. 

Another week following behind that.  

(Y/N) didn't bother to call or show up.

He really fucked things up, didn't he? 

Jason wasn't huge on  showcasing his feelings and putting them out on display for people to see. The only emotion he was so used to showing was anger and madness. Nothing but chaos was built and stored away in Jason Dean's body, too.  All three traits made him who he was.  People may not like him because of his temper and all the flaws he had but it was him, and he didn't plan on changing for anybody.  Expect.... of course, (Y/N). As he sat alone in his bedroom, he felt depressed. He never cried, either.  Couldn't tell you the last time he ever did cry. Did he even cry as a baby? Jason wasn't sure, nor could he tell you.  

But.... Jason cried. For the first time in forever, he broke down and cried. Couldn't help himself.  By the end of the night, there were no tears left to cry. He had run dry. His body couldn't form any more tears.   Feeling both mentally and physically drained, Jason reached over and grabbed his phone off of the night stand, dialing the one number he actually had memorized.  All he got was her voicemail.   "This is (Y/N). I can't answer the phone at the moment but  I will get back to you as soon as I can! Bye!"  Jason groaned and he was half-tempted to throw the phone out of his window but he decided against it as he left a voicemail, regardless. He wanted (Y/N) to know he was sorry. 

He wanted (Y/N) to know that despite their arguments (which weren't constant but when they did fight, it was mainly due to Jason's behavior rather than her own) he loves her.  

 (Y/N) coming into his life was the only good thing the world had offered and gave him. He wasn't going to give her up. Not that easily, anyways.  "Hey." He had forgotten he was leaving a voicemail, having zoned out for a second, the beep brought him back out of his thoughts.  "It's me. Uh.... Jason.... your boyfriend? I hope so, anyway, still.... But, yeah, it's Jason.... Jason Dean.... ha, uh.... you knew that.

  Listen, I'm sorry for everything,  (Y/N).  I'm sorry for having that temper tantrum and taking out my frustration and jealousy on you. I'm not good at this type of stuff, not so great with showing my emotions in person either, so....

 I'll talk here,  hopefully the message goes all the way through. I don't want to say this in person, again, I'm not good at the whole unraveling my feelings, especially not face to face.

 But... (Y/N), baby, you're the best thing that's ever been mine. You're my darlin', my girl, and I got jealous because I was scared, okay? 

I was scared of losing you. And I'm telling you this because it's been awhile now and I haven't seen you around or heard from you in awhile. Therefore, I may have already lost you but.... I love you, (Y/N)... and I'm sorry, okay? 

Thought you'd never hear me say that, huh? Me, apologizing? That's like... once in a blue moon. Hah.....  

But, uh... well, it's true. I'm sorry and I, Jason Dean, love you, (Y/N) (L/N). And I hope that you still love me too."   With that, Jason ends the call, hanging the phone back up on the table as he falls back onto the bed. He didn't - doesn't - know what to do if he didn't have (Y/N) by his side.   Trying to ignore these thoughts and place his attention elsewhere, he decides he needs to focus on sleeping. His body was exhausted after all that crying, plus the punch to the picture frame was still making his hand ache and throb, despite it being a few weeks since he had done it. 

He had one hell of a nasty bruise, too. He was sure it wouldn't look so ugly and scarred if he  had listened to (Y/N) and taken her up on that offer when she suggested the first aid kit...  Before he knows it, he's drifting off into a deep slumber, naturally bringing a pillow into his chest, tucking it underneath his arm as he falls asleep.   

Faint whispers of (Y/N)'s name spills pass his lips as he sleeps. He'd rather be cuddling her than a pillow but he'll take what he can get. He just hopes she'll accept his apology.  

(Y/N) gets home a little after midnight, sighing heavily and tiredly as she kicks off her shoes and strips out of her jacket, hanging the coat up first before setting her shoes under the rack. She had just finished unpacking and helping her cousin move things in his new apartment and she was exhausted. All she wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. 

 In the corner of her eye, however, she notices her answering machine is flashing red, letting her know someone had left a voicemail.  She walks over and clicks on the button, expecting it to be for  her parents but instead she's met with a shocking fate - it was Jason.  

Hearing his voice, so weak and vulnerable, brought tears to her eyes and she bit back a sob. Especially when he apologized, that was new. 

They've said those three words to each other before, of course, but it was hearing how sad he sounded that let her know he truly did love her, despite everything they've been through and all the silly arguments they've shared over the past few months; they loved each other. 

 And nothing - nobody - could ever stand in the way of that.   Jason was still a huge dumbass, however. 

And as she grabs her jacket, sliding the thick layer of clothing around herself and dips her feet into her boots, she's quick to go and tell him that, too.  

She loves him, yes, but she needs to let him know he was a  huge fucking idiot. 

Jason, for the most post, was sleeping peacefully until he heard a loud crash coming from downstairs, along with a string of curse words. 

  He was quick to get up, throwing the blanket and pillow aside as he opened his bedroom door and creeps down the hallway, wondering who the hell was in his living room.   

He was met with.... well, not a burglar  neither his father as he would have guessed the next outcome to be but rather his girlfriend.

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" He asks, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands as he tried to shake off the remaining sleep that had taken over him not even a few hours ago. 

"I came here to scare you, obviously." She scoffs, rolling her eyes as she scrambles up and off of the floor, brushing her knees and arms from the fall she had taken.  "Your door was locked, couldn't find the extra key anywhere so I snuck in through the window and-"

"And... you're bleeding." Jason said, gesturing to the tiny gash on her arm.   "C'mon, I've got a first aid kit around here somewhere." He mocks, giving her a playful smile as he quoted the words she had said to him the day they got into that fight. 

 (Y/N) said nothing but she follows when Jason offers his hand out to her, anyway.   He was surprised when he did find the small box up in a cabinet.   

"It's fine. I'm fine. Nothing  a bandage won't fix, right?" 

"(Y/N). Why are you here? You never did answer me." Jason said, getting out the tiny box of band-aids, ripping one open as he presses the item down onto her arm. She was right, it wasn't a big cut, a few drops of blood, sure, but it wasn't one that'd get infected.  

"I got your voice message." She said with a shrug of her shoulders. "And I came to talk to you about it."

He wasn't sure whether or not that was a good or bad thing.

 "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. You're a dumbass." 

Oh. 

 It was bad. 

He felt his heart drop down to his stomach. He really let his jealousy get the best of him and now he was going to lose the one good thing he had in his life. 

"I love you but you didn't let me speak," She continued.  "That guy you saw... first of all, you have no right to judge him or say you hate him when you have no idea who he is. That dude I was seen with was my cousin, who, may I add, is gay.” 

“I’ve been helping him move which is why you saw me in town with him. We were getting a few supplies and picking up his furniture.” She continues.

“You got jealous over a guy who is far from being attracted to  females. And you know... he's related to me as well, so, that also plays a huge part in it. And if you didn't notice either, the picture you broke was actually a portrait of my family and his together at a family reunion. Of course, you didn't see that, though or probably even noticed but.... yeah, you're a dumbass. I love you, J.D, but you're an idiot for thinking I'd ever love someone more than I love you." 

Jason says nothing, he feels embarrassed, ashamed, but overall; he feels happy, knowing she still loves him, even if he was a total moron.  "I'm sorry, baby, I got jealous and I shouldn't jump so quickly to conclusions  and-"

"And you need to make up for it." She said, pressing her chest up against his, resting her hand on the palm of his cheek, brushing a few stray hairs out from his face as she gives him a seductive look. "And how.... exactly, are you going to make up for it, baby?" She purred. 

"I think I've an idea." He said with a smirk.

"Oh, yeah? While you're at it, can you choke me like you did, too?" 

"I'll do more than just choke you with my hand, darling." 

"To be suffocated and to choke on either your cock and hand would be a blessing, my dear." 

"Then let's go upstairs, shall we?"

(Y/N) smiled and took Jason's hand with her own, giggling as if she wasn't just talking about getting choked by her boyfriend, as if she was some saint rather than a sinner. Fuck... Jason loves how dirty she was. "We shall." He replies, nearly dragging her up the stairs and into his bedroom. 

"Going to show you how much I love you, going to treat you so good, so well, baby girl... missed you so much, love you so much..." 

[loki-lover84]

Could Be Worse Part IX

A few weeks have passed since Dean’s admission, as a result he’d practically moved in with Y/d/n and I. We were like the perfect little family if you minus the apocalyptic conditions, we’re as close to an apple pie life that anyone could achieve nowadays. Dean was finally letting me go out on scavenges which I really appreciated granted he made sure I was beside him the entire time but, it did make me feel better, made me feel like I was actually pulling my weight around camp. Y/d/n trained with her handmade Pulaski, she’s come a long way I just wish she didn’t need to grow up in these conditions, she is happy she’s finally got a complete family me her mum Dean her dad and her Uncle’s Chuck and Castiel. 

I’m concerned about Dean though, he was telling me that he’d got an update on a gun that can supposedly kill anything even Lucifer whom was apparently to blame for our current lifestyle. I’m still struggling to piece together what does and doesn’t exist but with the Croats out and about it’s something to just take in and move on. When Dean started telling me all about the colt I thought it sounded a little bit ridiculous but when I looked into his enchanting green eyes I saw passion, sincerity and sorrow so I promised him I’d support him on whatever his plan would be.

“Hey Y/n you okay?” Dean asks bringing my focus back to him.

“Oh yeah, sorry I was just thinking about everything that’s happened recently.” I laugh anxiously. “So you’re getting the colt today?”

“Yeah, I’m taking a team out with me there’s a chance that this is another set up but I’ve got a feeling this one is different we’re finally going to achieve something-” I scoff at him with my arms folded referencing our amazing daughter, “other than the only ray of light in this grim dark world, we’ve finally made progress on killing Lucifer once and for all.” Dean’s tone softened when he spoke of our daughter, he was so whipped when it came to her, but the second he regained focus on his mission he hardened up.

“I’m joining you this time, right?” I asked hopefully, I hated waiting and hoping he’d come back alive, if I were there in person I’d feel secure enough knowing I was there as his backup.

“You know you’re not. A situation like this is potentially too dangerous and Y/d/n is going to need a parent to raise and take care of her.”

“So when you face off with Lucifer I’ve got to stay here and hope that you’ll come back to me! What if you die but, if I went with you we’d all make it out alive because you had extra support?”

“You can’t base decisions on ‘what ifs’ Sweetheart you know that better than most people around here!” Dean snapped frustration consuming him before he stormed out of the cabin to prep his search party.

There were so many people depending on him, he had so much trauma buried in him and my own stress and insecurities were an unnecessary weight that I just threw onto him before a mission. My fist collided with the wooden wall nearby my self-loathing annoyance crumbled as the sharp pain in my left fist set in.

Dean had approximately an hour before he set off with his group so hopefully he has enough time to settle down so that he doesn’t behave recklessly on an already dangerous track and retrieve mission. Hopefully my stubborn baby daddy will see me before he leaves so that the air is cleared between us in case he doesn’t make it back. Exhaling deeply I turned toward our inventory hut and got to work alongside Chuck. Roughly twenty minutes later we’d finished and discovered we were in desperate need in toiletry items, so we left in search of Dean to update him on the situation clipboard in hand.

“Dean!” I called over to him spying him in a dark blue jacket I’d never seen before, he was surprisingly startled before turning to face us.

“So Dean, our food supply is running  low but we’ll be fine for the next two weeks at least, toiletries however are abysmal. What do you think we should do?” Chuck asks referencing the figures on the clipboard, Dean was quiet he looked confused and he’d refused to look in my direction, maybe he took our altercation earlier to heart, we had vowed to make up with one another before leaving the security of the camp just in case the worst case scenario occurred.

“Well...um...maybe we could just get everyone to share?” He suggested uncertainly.

“Aren’t you supposed to be out right now?” Chuck asked after making a quick note of Dean’s ‘solution’.

“Um...yes, I’m just getting ready to leave now.” I analysed him sceptically, something definitely wasn’t right.

“Daddy!” Y/d/n screamed running over to Dean her arms wide open expecting the usual pick up cuddle only to be blatantly ignored, tears welled up in our baby girl’s eyes at the fact that her father wasn’t hugging her and looked at her as if she were a stranger.

“Sweetie can you go with uncle Chuck for a moment? Mummy needs to talk do daddy...alone.” I say softly to her whilst holding a harsh glare at Dean.

Chuck picked up Y/d/n bouncing her slightly and doing everything he could to prevent her from crying as he carried her away.

“Alright Winchester, you can hold a grudge with me all you want, I understand I was out of line earlier especially after thinking about all you’ve been through, but don’t you ever take out your stubborn attitude that’s aimed at me out on our daughter!” I yelled as I actually struck his face in anger and annoyance.

“Wait...what? Y/n?” Dean asked as if he’d only just noticed who I was, making me even more agitated.

“If you don’t make it up to her later you’re going to wish the Croats got you!” I threatened.

“Wait Y/n you don’t understand.” Dean tried to explain as the sound of our various vehicles pulled into the camp capturing Dean’s attention his behaviour rather skittish. “Hey, hey! Watch out!” He yelled as a gun fired making me snap my head to the direction to see...Dean?

My eyes widened, two Dean’s? There’s two Dean’s. What is going on? The three other men around us shared my shocked and bewildered expression before the Dean that had just pulled the trigger spoke up his arm outstretched to the Dean next to me.

“Damnit!” He cursed seeing me stood next to Dean, “I’m not gonna lie to you me and him it’s a pretty messed up situation we have going on but believe me...when you need to know something you will know it! Until then we all have work to do.” It was the strong solid firm voice of a leader, that was my Dean.

The witnesses nodded and dismissed themselves as Dean, Dean and I made our way to his cabin.

“What the hell was that?” My Dean asked.

“What the hell was that, you just shot a guy in cold blood.” Blue jacket wearing Dean responded.

“We were outside of a quarantined zone, we were ambushed by a bunch of Croats-”

“You left? You left and got attacked before we made up! Dean, why would you do that?” I interrupted my heart aching at the newfound knowledge my eyes stinging with tears.

My Dean softened slightly and held me against him kissing the top of my head before glaring at the other him.

“One of them infected Yager.”

“How did you know?”

“Because after a few years of this I know...he started experiencing symptoms a while ago, wasn’t going to be long before went crazy. Didn’t see the point in troubling a good man with bad news.”

“Troubling a good man...you just blew him away in front of your own people! Don’t you think that would’ve freaked them out a lil’ bit?”

“It’s 2014, plugging some Croat is called common place.” My Dean spat as he soothingly rubbed circles on my back. “Trading words with my friggin’ clone...that might’ve freaked them out a little bit.”

“Alright look-”

“No, you look! This isn’t your time, it’s mine you don’t get to make the decision, I do. So when I say stay in, you stay in.”

“You’re going to need to make it up to Y/d/n, she thinks her daddy is angry at her.” I say having now calmed down as my Dean grabs three glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

My Dean turns around instantly a dark aura emitting from him wanting to know why the other version of him would upset her.

“Alright man I’m sorry, I’m not trying to mess you, me, us up here.” Blue jacket Dean started.

“I know.” My Dean bluntly replied pouring the drinks. “What happened though, why is my daughter upset?”

“She thought I was you ran up for a hug but I had no clue who the kid was and just stood there.” He replied honestly.

“Fuck, I should be able to fix this. It could’ve been worse.”

“Wacky weekend.”

“Tell us about it.” I agreed reaching for my drink along with the other two.

“What was the mission anyway?” Blue jacket Dean asked as my Dean reached into his bag and pulled out the colt.

“You found it.” I smiled knowing that this was one less thing on his hard, beautiful and fragile mind.

“Where was it?”

“Everywhere, they’ve been moving it around...took me five years but I finally got it.” My Dean replied with a small smile on his face. “Tonight...tonight I’m going to kill the devil.” He stated downing the rest of his drink making me choke on mine.

“Dean? De, you can’t I need you. Y/d/n needs you.” I whimper at the though of losing him, I haven’t had enough of a warning. “We just found one another, you can’t Dean.” My Dean held me close to him before tilting my head up and pressing his perfect lips against my own in a loving kiss.

“I honestly never really expected us to settle down.” The alternate Dean said once Dean and I separated. “How’d it happen?”

“A little while back I got into a very sticky situation and this guy helped me out of it.” I reply not wanting to give away too much of the future. “You knew my name before anyone said it, how’d you know it.”

“The other night I was feeling shit about separating from Sam and met you in a bar and we hooked up.” The other Dean answered making me and my Dean smile fondly.

“She’s been created, our baby girl. Congratulations Dean Winchester from 2009 you’re going to be a father.” I say beaming up at him. 

“I-I how do you know?” Past Dean stammers.

“Well you and me slept together I leave early because I didn’t know what else to do and later find out I’m pregnant.” I reminisce as my Dean pulls my back to press against his chest.

“Do yourself a favour, keep her with you/us wake up when you feel the bed move and eventually tell her everything about the hunting life.”

“I’m very open minded just don’t lay it on really thick and stop me leaving you.” I smile kindly at him as I rest my hand on the side of my Dean’s face. “Who know’s, if we’re the future versions and you do that we might no exist in this time?” 

My Dean tenses up at the thought of our happiness being taken away, before taking a moment to compose himself.

“You do that right, you better make damn well sure you don’t end up in this situation.” 

“So you/we’re really happy in this relationship?”

“You know damn well she’s the best we’ve ever had.” My Dean comments and I don’t miss his implication for a single second. “You’ll experience it for yourself, you’ll realize anyone else was just a stepping stone to perfection.” He switches to talking about our actual relationship making my heart melt at how much of a softie he was being.

The other Dean looks like he can’t actually believe those words came out of a version of himself, he’s finding it almost impossible to comprehend. I can’t help but laugh at his bewilderment, he looks so cute when he’s confused.

A gut feeling tells me this version of Dean is gonna end up leaving soon.

“Hey Dean, once you’ve explained everything to me. Give Sam a call?” I suggest hoping to prevent the apocalyptic lifestyle we’re currently living.

He looks solemn for a moment before nodding his head and being zapped away.

“So De, do you think you’d have listened to us?”

In 2009

Dean’s back in the motel room he’d hired for the night looking around, he sees Y/n still asleep in the bed, he can’t help the sigh of relief. Cautiously he makes his way over to the bed and wraps his arm around her, just holding her while she sleeps gives him a subtle taste of what his future self was talking about. Before he can doze off he feels her wake up and try to leave his hold.

“Y/n, I’ve got something I need to tell you.”

The END

A/N I’m sorry this is years later I honestly thought I uploaded this and then I found it in my drafts.

[stanfordsweater]

@aftershocked

moving this here because you’ve brought up a TON of points i’d love to dig into and the tumblr reply system is garbage--

(under the cut: much talk of possessive sam vs. possessive dean, benefits of a long-running series, ooc actions vs. consistent characterization)

“they change a lot over 15 seasons but it's consistent enough” i feel like differences and inconsistencies in episodes/writing/seasons are one of the reasons (besides personal preference) that ppl get twisted around when it comes to possessive sam and possessive dean, like it’s easy to focus on one or two things w/o taking larger patterns or predominant characteristics into account.

also it’s easy to focus on like, smth happening a few times that is in contradiction to something that happened many other times, & not want to Deal with the complexities & contradictions—but the complexities are the best part! i’ve seen you talk about it before too, the benefits of a longrunning series where we get to really watch the characters grow from young men to essentially middle-aged,

you get to actually have characters w the kind of multifaceted personalities you’d expect of, like, normal people (just way more fucked up and traumatized). so yeah, dean isn’t always straightforward in the way he’s content with keeping sam with him, and can dip into weird behavior (ESPECIALLY in the sort of parental “i make the decisions around here” sense)—

but his general preference, his base character, does not lean towards possessiveness at all. versus sam, who SEEMS like he’d be more grounded and chill, but is actually the crazy jealous guy. that kind of irony, those kind of subversions, are what make them enjoyable as characters and contribute to why possessive sam is so much fun to explore,

bc you Wouldn’t think he’d be the one who’s jealous enough that even when dean gives sam so much of himself already, sam still wants more. you’d look at him and expect him to be the brother capable of letting go, of being halfway normal, instead of like, sam’s built so much on seeking dean’s approval and lived his life at the center of dean’s universe,

so he’ll reject anything that threatens to change that dynamic. like the contradictions are weird and spicy and i like them a lot and god i love sam’s reactions to benny so much. i’d feel bad bc i really like benny & he deserved better, but it’s too much fun to see how much sam of all people unreasonably, irrationally, illogically hates the guy,

just because he represents someone dean might, might, might possibly actually like more than sam (even though we, the viewers, know that’s impossible). beautiful

--

yes, you’ve hit on so many great points here! firstly, the inconsistencies in characterization: i think it’s very easy to see why people get annoyed by the writing, and i do think it’s occasionally justified; however, i’ve always found it a lot more rewarding to think about it as the same kind of inconsistencies that real people have! sam and dean might make “ooc” decisions and it’s okay because real people do that too, out of anger, resentment, sadness, trauma... it makes sense, to me, that they aren’t the same people they were fifteen years ago. getting stuck in one ‘mode’ of characterization is damaging to an overall reading of the show, but at the same time it’s okay to latch onto one era if that’s what you enjoy. it only bothers me when people take characterization from one era (for example, dean’s ptsd, anger, and jealousy over amelia) and apply it to every version of that character.

dean’s parental sense of possession over sam is one thing i do agree with wrt the possessive dean takes, and i think they’re more memorable for a lot of people because they’re not what you usually see from a family show-- it’s weird for dean to feel that way, and i don’t know if i’ve ever seen that intersection of parental ownership and romantic partner jealousy. it’s important that this comes out when dean is under pressure, not all the time-- AND it’s essential that sam does not cave to this. it gets iffy during dabb era, but i still don’t see sam immediately caving to dean’s demands. a good example is the scene where dean holds a gun to sam in season 15, which i see fairly often as an example of dean demanding obedience from sam... but sam doesn’t cave! and sam doesn’t even flinch, because he’s used to having guns pointed at him, and he knows that no version of dean could ever kill him. dean knows this too, and dean is the one who caves, as per usual. this is only not the case a few times in canon, like season 4, parts of season 7, and season 9, all for different reasons i won’t get into now. it’s remarkable when dean doesn’t go along with what sam asks, which is why it sticks in people’s memories, imo. dean is very loud with what he wants and what he thinks is best, but if sam disagrees he will argue dean around to his point, or he’ll go behind dean’s back to do it anyway (case in point, season 11 with the cage.)

anyway-- “the complexities are the best part!” and “you get to actually have characters w the kind of multifaceted personalities you’d expect of, like, normal people (just way more fucked up and traumatized). so yeah, dean isn’t always straightforward...” TOTALLY AGREE. i love the times when the brothers are making decisions that fandom disagrees with, because it’s interesting. the show is here to provide a compelling story. i’m not going to lie and say i always agree with that story or those choices, but it’s fun for me to try to get into why a character would make that decision, not just rail against it. i like the dudes we have in canon! they’re fun!

this is why possessive sam slaps for me. what you said here-- “sam, who SEEMS like he’d be more grounded and chill, but is actually the crazy jealous guy. that kind of irony, those kind of subversions, are what make them enjoyable as characters and contribute to why possessive sam is so much fun to explore” yes yes yes. 100%. and we see these subversions right from season one! it’s not new that dean isn’t actually the uber-confident womanizing asshole, but if you aren’t paying attention it can sneak up on you, i guess? and sam, who comes across as the level-headed one in common archetypes, the soft-spoken college boy, crashes the impala into a building. in the first episode. and in route 666, he  follows a crazy instinct that is proven correct and saves their lives (because he’s intelligent!) but toys with the chance that it could have failed and killed dean (because he’s reckless!)

the fact that we have all these examples of the ways the brothers fail to fulfill the tropes they would in a less-interesting tv show means that possessive sam makes so much sense. sam is built up as the independent brother, the one who left home, the rebellious one, but he loves his family and he needs dean. he needs him. “sam’s built so much on seeking dean’s approval and lived his life at the center of dean’s universe...” i love the way you put this. sam has had dean’s attention and protection for most of his life, and hell if he’s giving it up now for some two-bit vampire, lol. sam is independent, but like with everything else, dean is the exception. sam’s desperation for dean’s approval and attention is absolutely hilarious in the benny situation, because, like you’ve said before, benny is the least-threatening dude ever. he’s so nice. and the fact that sam won’t rest until he dies is-- well, i’m being a little uncharitable, i don’t think sam wanted benny to die, but he sure didn’t shed any tears over it.

the contradictions are delicious. i do think some of it is that dean gets his friendships fulfilled outside of sam, so sam is in a category all his own, while sam doesn’t have as many relationships as dean does so dean is fills all of his categories. but then again, that isn’t always true. it shifts over the seasons and even through episodes. broad trends!

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

New Life Pt.4

Word Count: 1,934

Characters: Derek Hale, OC Chaarcters, Zach Salvatore (mentioned), Laura Hale (brief), Reader

Pairings: Eventual Derek Hale x Reader

Warnings: angstish? maybe some small fluff, sort of cliffhanger, drugs, getting high

A/N: ---

Masterlist     Series Masterlist

You rested your head on the couch, letting out a deep breath as you sighed, closing your eyes. The last day of school was officially over, meaning that summer had just begun. Not that you had many plans, but you were much more open to going out for hunts.

It was around 5 as you were awakened from your nap, jumping up as you heard Derek yelling as he ran into the house.

“What the hell is your problem?” you yelled.

“Why were you sleeping on the couch?” he asked, sitting next to you.

“I was tired. Why do you have to be so loud?” you groaned, hitting him with a throw pillow.

“Okay, whatever. It's officially summer, right?” you raised an eyebrow before nodding your head.

“You said when it’s summer you'd get me high,” you groaned, running your fingers through your hair.

“You can’t back down now!” he exclaimed.

“Jeez, Derek, calm down! Fine, I said I will and I will. We’ll do it tonight, okay?” 

He had a small smile on his face before looking at you.

“Is it scary?” he asked softly.

“Oh, don’t be a baby. I’m going out, okay? I’ll be back later,” you replied, standing up.

“As long as you’re back before Dean and Emily get here,” Derek muttered as you froze, glaring at him.

“They’re coming?” you exclaimed.

“Well, they wanted to come and-” Derek started.

“Shh! Look, not only are you all lightweights, there’s three of you! That means I'm responsible for all three of you! On top of that, how the hell are you going to explain what Wolfsbane is and why you're taking it with weed?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I didn't want to be mean,” he muttered.

“Jesus fuck, Derek. Fine, whatever. Bye,” you grabbed your phone, walking out of the house as you slammed the door shut.

---

“Have you ever gotten high before, Laura?” you asked, laying on her bed.

She froze, before raising an eyebrow.

“Werewolves can’t get high,” she replied.

She continued packing her bag, getting ready for her and Stefan to leave once again. She barely spent any time at the Salvatore house, with her new responsibilities as the alpha.

“That doesn't mean it’s impossible,” you squinted your eyes, reading her expression.

She scoffed, a small smile on her face as she looked at you.

“As long as you add some wolfsbane, you’ll be good. But not too much, you don’t want to kill him,” she replied.

“That’s debatable,” you said.

“That’s my brother, asshat,” she shoved you gently as you gave her an innocent smile.

“Like you don't want to kill him sometimes?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Me and Stefan have to go. Just… make sure none of you die, okay?” she raised an eyebrow, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. Stay safe,” you gave her a small hug before the two of you walked out of her room.

---

The smell of weed filled the Salvatore house, while you crossed your legs, sitting on the couch. You could fear giggles coming from in front of you as you kept your focus on your book, running your fingers through your hair.

“Hola,” Dean approached you, sitting on the couch.

“Hola. Qué estás haciendo?” you saw his face drop while a small smirk was on yours.

“I don’t really speak Spanish,” Dean said.

“Oh, I know. What’s up?” you asked.

“Well, I’m bored,” he shrugged.

You looked over to Derek and Emily, seeing them both laughing as they moved in, closer and closer to each other.

“That looks… like you need to stop it?” you raised an eyebrow, while he shook his head.

“No, we broke up this morning,” he explained.

“Again?” you replied.

“You act like we break up all the time,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s because you do,” he scoffed, before scooting slightly closer to you.

“Did you smoke-” you started.

“Yeah, but I guess it hasn't kicked in, or if it did, I haven't felt anything. You?” he asked.

“Well, clearly my tolerance level is higher than I expected. I barely feel a buzz,” you said.

He shrugged, before motioning to your book.

“Harry Potter,” you replied.

“Which one?” 

“Order of the Phoenix.”

“Oh, I hated that one,” he replied.

“Well, your opinion is officially invalid to me,” he laughed softly, before you put your bookmark in, turning to him.

“Want a beer?” you asked.

He nodded, while you stood up, making your way to the kitchen.

It was never uncommon for Dean to talk to you, you had known him and Emily since you were all children. It had only become recently when the two of you had become closer than before.

You grabbed two beers, before feeling a weird sense as you tensed.

Someone was there.

You took your knife from your pocket, turning around slowly. You couldn't see anything at first, slowly making your way closer to the back door.

The lights went out, while you heard Emily screaming as you tensed, running back to the living room.

“Is everyone okay?!” you yelled.

You couldn't make out anyone as you slowly took steps forward, holding your knife tightly.

“Em?” you called out.

“I'm okay!” you let out a breath of relief before running your fingers through your hair.

“What happened to the lights?” Derek asked.

“I don’t know. Look, I need to get flashlights. Are all three of you here?” you asked.

“Yeah, we’re here,” Dean replied.

“Okay, stay with each other. I’ll be back in a minute,” you turned, walking away.

You can do this

You basically memorized the Salvatore house

“Son of a-” you clenched your jaw, digging your nails into your palm before letting out a shaky breath, feeling your foot aching from hitting the wall.

You put your hands forward, using the senses around you to direct you to the basement.

You slowly made your way to the basement, before grabbing two flashlights.

You felt an arm reach for you as you quickly grabbed it, twisting it backward.

“Ow!” you turned the flashlight on, seeing a pained expression on Dean’s face as you sighed, rolling your eyes.

“I told you three to stay together!” you exclaimed.

“I thought you needed help,” he replied.

“No, it’s fine. Look, let’s just get back up there before one of those high idiots breaks something,” you took Dean’s arm, pulling him upstairs as you turned on the flashlight, pointing it towards Derek and Emily.

They both jumped in surprise, pushing away from each other, while you raised an eyebrow, slightly confused.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

“Nothing,” you could see Emily breathing heavily, while Derek avoided your gaze.

You looked slightly longer, noticing Emily’s smeared makeup.

“You guys are weird. Okay, let’s leave,” you walked past them before Derek frowned.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because the power's out. We need to figure out if it’s just us or all of Mystic Falls. Second, I’m not letting you three stay here like this while your asses are high,” you replied.

“I don’t even feel it,” you could see the redness in Derek's face as you scoffed.

“Yeah, okay. Everyone, in my car,” you began walking to the door, before hearing a loud noise, before the power came back on.

You turned off the flashlight, looking around carefully. Everything was fine. Nothing looked different.

“Looks like the power's back on,” Emily said.

“Yeah, just wait,” you walked past all of them slowly, looking throughout the house.

There’s nothing here

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair. Hunter paranoia was strong. 

“Is everything okay?” Dean asked.

You nodded, slowly putting your knife back into your pocket before making your way to the three of them. The power never went out. You sighed, shaking your head before reaching for your phone, realizing it wasn't there.

“Dean, can you call my phone? I can’t find it,” you asked.

He nodded, dialing your number, before hearing silence in the house.

“Weird,” Derek said, putting his head on your shoulder.

You rolled your eyes while you felt him struggling to stand, using you for balance.

“It’s probably in the basement. I don’t really need it,” you shrugged.

“Right. Well, it’s getting late. Me and Emily should probably head out,” Dean started.

You still couldn't shake the weird feeling.

“Actually, how about you guys stay here for the night. Just to be safe,” you asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean nodded.

You could feel your worry rushing back as you gave him a small smile, before pulling Derek away.

“Hey,” you said.

“Hi,” he laughed to himself, grinning widely at you while you glared.

“I need you to sober up. I think something’s still here,” you said softly.

“Yeah, silly. We’re still here,” he laughed.

“No, Derek. Hey,” his eyes were a shade of light red as you held his face.

“I need you to sober up. I need your help here,” you said.

“I’m tired,” he sighed.

“Derek,” you started.

“Take me to my bed, please,” he begged.

“Derek-” you tried to speak again.

“I don’t feel good anymore,” he groaned.

“It’s probably the wolfsbane kicking in. Okay, just sit here for a minute. I’ll get you some water,” you walked back into the kitchen, seeing two broken beer bottles on the floor.

The back door was wide open while you felt your heart drop, approaching it slowly.

All you could hear was the small chitters of the bugs outside, keeping yourself prepared for anything.

You closed the door, before quietly opening the drawer, taking your gun out.

“Guys, come on,” you made sure all the doors were locked, leading them all upstairs before looking around once more, feeling anxiousness rise in your chest.

“Okay, we’re all gonna sleep in my room, okay?” you said.

You saw the confusion on Dean’s face, while Derek and Emily simply nodded, both collapsing onto your bed.

“If they have sex on my bed, I’ll kill them both,” you muttered.

You heard Dean scoff before you walked over to Derek and Emily, placing the blanket over them.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked you.

“Yeah, why wouldn't I be? It’s a little late, so it isn't really safe for you guys to drive home, especially with Emily like… this,” you explained, keeping your explanation brief and simple, not wanting to raise concern.

You set up a few blankets on the floor, laying down across from Dean.

“You know, you don’t always have to take care of everyone,” Dean started.

“That's not what I'm doing,” you shrugged.

“Yeah, sure,” he scoffed.

You rolled your eyes, a small smile on your face before you flipped off the light switch, waiting a few minutes to make sure they had all fallen asleep.

You slowly got up, putting a barrier of salt and mountain ash around the room, keeping out anything and everything.

Paranoia wasn't something you suffered from typically, and if you felt that something was wrong, it most likely was.

You made sure you had enough bullets in your gun, before grabbing your knife, slowly making your way outside your room.

You looked at the clock, seeing it was sometime past midnight. You knew you would eventually have to get Derek’s phone and call Zach, with yours now missing.

Something had gotten into the house, and something took your phone. You could feel your stomach aching slightly, out of nervousness as you took a deep breath, holding your gun tightly.

Deep breaths, (Y/N)

You rested your head on the wall, fully awake as you looked around. It was going to be a long night.

taglist:

@bellabadacadabra​

@teen-wolf-obsessed4life​

@eunoia-kth​

@angelgtzdar

@shortimaginewriter​

@linkpk88​

[sritzthefirefly]

The Not-so French Mistake

Pairing: Slight Dean x reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Language

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. Any and all comments on this are appreciated. I’m sorry for any grammatical errors that I might have made. This is my first fanfiction (as a one-shot, I've written a few earlier in poetry form) so please go easy on me.

“You are going to die.”, he states nonchalantly, as if three men entering your house and telling you that you are going to die is an everyday occurrence.

“I…WHAT?!”, I shout, my eyes round as saucers.

Well, today was a seemingly normal day. Until the seemingly normal day wasn’t as seemingly normal as I thought it would be.

                                2 hours earlier

“Hey, I’ll be leaving now”, my best friend said as she packed the small handbag she always carried around with her.

“Don’t forget the pickle jar and then come back 15 minutes later telling me you forgot the one thing I reminded you about”, I shouted to her from the top of the stairs.

She turned around to pick up the jar from the centre table when her eyes landed on me and she whistled. I pulled the drawstrings of my silk dressing gown tighter as I walked down the stairs.

“Ooooh, would you look at that, someone’s looking good. So, are you going to sleep after I’m gone, or are you going to have some company tonight?”

“I…..I just can’t……not so soon after...ummm……I know I’m stupid but I just wanted to feel good about myself”

She closed the few steps between us and hugged me tightly.

“Hey, you know he’s an asshole. His words don’t count, ok? No guy has the right to make you feel bad about yourself”, she said, pulling away.

“But he…….”

“No missy, you listen here, he’s an idiot who doesn’t deserve you. He should feel lucky he’s not in town or I would’ve kicked him so hard in the balls that impregnating a woman would’ve been a foreign concept to him.”

I gave her a small smile.

“Thanks for hyping me up, love. I’m now going to have ice cream and cry my heart out to sad rom-coms.”

“Bitch, you hate rom-coms. You’re just going to binge-watch Supernatural and you’re not telling me that because you won’t admit that you’re obsessed with the show”.

“Okay, okay whatever……Aren’t you getting late for your train?”

 She looked at her watch.

 “Oh shit! Bye, see you later.” she said as she ran out of the door, slamming it behind her. I sighed to myself and walked over to the TV, switching it on.

“Self-care time for me now!”, I said to myself, as I opened the fridge to get my favorite ice-cream when suddenly, the doorbell rings. I immediately turned my head towards the centre table and sure enough, the pickle jar was there.

Shaking my head, I picked up her precious jar and walked over to the door, pulling it open.

“I knew you……..”, I stopped short when I saw who was standing outside.

There, standing on my porch were, none other than, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

And then I woke up.

Yeah, if only it happened that way.

I knew I was looking like an absolute fool in front of them, opening and closing my mouth like a fish, my eyes wide and my breath short as I stood there, taking in the two handsome men adorning my doorstep. They were dressed in their Sam and Dean outfits -plaid, over layers of plaid- it seemed like a scene straight out of a set.

“Hi! You’re Y/N right?”, Jared said in his usual husky voice while Jensen stood beside him, strangely staring at me with something akin to awe in his eyes.

“W…what? I…uh…yeah…I…I am Y/N”, I somehow managed to choke out.

“You’re awesome”, Jensen Ackles breathed out with a sigh with literal heart-eyes in my direction. He cleared his throat and blinked twice and then seemed to step out of his reverie. He gave me a small smile and looked me up and down with a small smirk and I blushed furiously. Wait, was Jensen Ackles checking me out?!

Okay, so there were either of these two things going on- either I was dreaming or I had completely lost my mind. But since I had already pinched myself and well, that damn pinch did hurt, so the situation pretty much tilted towards the latter side. I mean, Jensen Ackles knows me and he thinks I am awesome?!

“Yep, definitely not a fan”, Jared whispers somewhat sarcastically to Jensen to which he replies under his breath with a “Shut up, Sammy!”

I would have paid more attention to what Jensen said had I not had my whole focus on Jared’s last words.

“Ummm…..excuse me? No offense but I’m standing right here and you can rest assured that I am 100% a fan, of both of you. If you don’t believe me, ask me anything about Supernatural.”, I say, crossing my hands across my chest.

“Wha-Supernatural? Like the book Supernatural? You have that here too?”, Jensen asks seemingly surprised.

Alright, is this a game for their show? I thought to myself, utterly confused and dazed. They seem to know my name and well, address too and that can be the only logical explanation as to why Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are here, on my doorstep. But I couldn’t see any cameras nearby. Maybe they were hidden? Maybe I was meant to be taken by surprise? Oh shit, did I just challenge them right now? Was this being filmed? My mind rushed with a million things- ‘Oh god, I must be looking so stupid right now, acting like a blobfish instead of doing anything!’

I opened my mouth to say something, anything at all, when Jared cut through. 

“Ummm I’m sorry, Y/N, but it’s not really a good idea to be standing outside and talking. I promise we’ll explain everything. Can we please come inside and talk?”

“I….uh…..yeah sure. Come inside please.”, I was about to ask what their deal was but changed my mind when I saw Jensen nervously looking around and then back at me, pleadingly. 

I closed the door behind me as they settled on the plush red sofa. I walked across the room and sat on the chair facing them.

“Y/N”, Jared started. “There’s no easy way to say this but I’m Sam Winchester and this is my brother Dean. Like, from Supernatural.”

“Ummm…. I’m aware? Despite your contrary belief, I told you I was a fan.”, I said, confused.

“You’re our fan?!”, Jensen asked, somewhat stunned. “Haha sweetheart, am I living my dream!”, he added, his emerald eyes twinkling.

I stared at him through my eyelashes.

“Hold up, quick question, are you a Dean girl or Sam girl?”

“Dean, not now…..”, Jared sighed.

“Dean girl!”, I blurted out, immediately blushing deeply. Jensen’s entire face lit up and I hurriedly added, “No offense to Jared here.”

“Jared? You mean Jared Pada-whatshisname?”, Jensen asked incredulously.

“Padalecki, Dean”

“Son of a bitch! Fake us lives in the same universe as her!”

I started laughing and the both of them turned towards me quizzically.

“Ummm what is this? Some spin-off of The French Mistake?”, I asked.

“The French what?”, Jared looked at me, his eyebrow raised.

“That’s not important right now. Y/N, I know, it’s hard to believe us right now, but we are not your TV actors-we are not Jensen and Jared. I am the actual Dean Winchester and he is my brother, Sam Winchester. The trickster, the archangel Gabriel, owed us a favor and he let us travel into your universe.... Sweetheart please, you have to believe me. I umm uh, I have been a-”

I stood straight up from my chair, angrily.

“I’m sorry but what kind of prank is this? Going to people’s houses and-”, I started angrily when suddenly the entire room got spontaneously flooded with an immensely bright light.

“Cover your eyes!”, a deep, somewhat robotic voice filled the air and I immediately did so to lessen the risk of my precious peepers being completely burned out by an unknown source of dazzling light in my seemingly normal house in the middle of a seemingly normal (absolutely weird) day.

Slowly, the light faded.

And there stood Misha Collins-

No, that could not possibly be Misha. Unless Misha had suddenly evolved to be able to exhibit bioluminescence or had sprouted long black wings from the back of his trench coat or had learned to hover like a bee in mid-air. No, definitely not Misha. 

That means, this must…this must be-

“Holy mother of God”, I gasped out.

“I….am….not….the….I am the son of God”, he said, walking across the room to sit beside Jar-no, no......Sam.

Holy shit! CASTIEL?! That means that all this time, Jens- Dean, had not been lying. I collapsed on my chair, my mind, not being able to form a single coherent thought. Dean leaped up from the sofa and rushed to my side.

“Darling….darling, look for yourself, that-”

“He is Castiel.”, I said, boring into Dean’s green eyes, they brought me comfort. “I believe you…… Dean.”

A look passed between Sam and Dean and Dean immediately held my hand and squeezed my palm as an act of reassurance as he beamed at me.

Sam got up from his chair and smiled at me, “Thanks to Cas here, you believe us. At last. I thought you were two seconds away from throwing us out.”

I snorted. A really ugly snort through my nose. In front of three delicious-looking men, especially Dean, who was somehow still looking at me like I was God’s gift to mankind. Hah, no wonder I was single.

I cleared my throat to relieve the awkwardness and continued,

“Well, in my defense, you guys were acting real creepy.”

Yeah sure, not even in my wildest dreams would I actually throw Jensen and Jared out of my house, no matter how creepy they act, but they didn’t need to know that.

“But how…why……..”, I started asking the questions bothering me.

“Umm well, yeah, about that…”, Dean started, gulping.

Castiel walked over and looked at me with downcast eyes.

“You are going to die.”, he stated nonchalantly, as if three men entering into your house and telling you that you are going to die is an everyday occurrence.

“I…WHAT?!”, I shouted, my eyes wide.

                                        Now

“CAS!”, Sam and Dean both exclaim at him at the same time.

“She was asking.…..”

“No Cas, not like that!”, Sam tells him prickly.

“Please tell me what the hell is going on! Why….How am I going to die? What’s happening?!”, I say, hiding my face with my hair.

“Darling, promise me you won’t freak out.”, Dean says, staring straight into my soul. “You are a character from a book in our universe. My favourite book. And trust me, this...you…. I am a huge fan of you. Have been, since I was a child. Now you see, few months ago, we stumbled into your universe when Gabriel pranked us. And then I saw you. I met you. The real you....just….perfect….And I just wanted to.....I mean..... I came back...I came back because…..”

“Because?”

“I know everything. I know how the book ends and I have come back here to save you, darling.”

Tagging -  @thatmotleygirl @msmarvelouswinchester @athenapotter @mvdeanw​ @bts-spnlvr12​ @holylulusworld @jensengirl83

[idreamofplaid]

All is Calm

Square Filled: Impala for @spngenrebingo & Huddle for Warmth for @spnchristmasbingo

Characters: Dean x Reader; Sam mostly mentioned

Word Count: 2445

Summary: Dean been distracted by hunting lately, but he’s fully focused now. Everything is clear to him.

Created for @spngenrebingo & @spnchristmasbingo

Dean was usually so good about keeping Baby maintained and in top condition. Her oil was always changed hundreds of miles before it needed to be, the air pressure and tread on her tires was checked on practically a weekly basis along with her fluid levels. Some people might say he was obsessive about his car. You’d come to understand she was more than just a car to him, and the way he cared for her was the way he cared for anything and anyone that mattered to him.

It was one of the many admirable qualities about Dean. You had noticed this softer side of his in so many small ways since you’d met him. Along with that softness, he possessed a driven determination. That determination pushed him to keep hunting the next monster, save the next person, do what he could to make the world better. That was why Baby hadn’t been receiving her usual amount of attention lately, too many monsters in the world. That was also the reason the two of you were stuck in the middle of nowhere Montana right now. Baby had a dead battery.

That was bad enough, but it was the week before Christmas, and in Montana that meant full fledged winter. Walking out of here wasn’t an option. The last town you’d passed through was thirty miles back, and new snow was beginning to fall. Even worse, the cell signal out here was so weak Dean had barely gotten to say ten words to Sam before the line went dead. He reassured you that was enough for his tech geek brother to turn on the GPS and find you. You just had to wait it out. 

Fortunately, Baby’s trunk contained not only every weapon known to humankind but also sleeping bags and blankets in the compartment beneath those weapons. Dean fetched those and covered the backseat with a sleeping bag, leaving the other covers in a pile for now, then he motioned for you to get inside with a lopsided smile, “We’re going to have to make the best of it until Sam gets here.”

Sam didn’t drive the way Dean did, but he could be fast enough when the situation called for it. Still, it would take hours for him to get here. That was a long time with the temperature dropping the way it was. You tried to sound more sure that the two of you would make it through this okay than you felt. “What are we going to do exactly?” The uncertainty was in your voice in spite of your best efforts, and you knew Dean could hear it based on his reaction. He went into joking and downplaying the situation mode.

“We’re gonna get under those blankets and sing Christmas carols. I have a fabulous voice.” He held the car door open and swept his arm gallantly toward the interior and the back seat. You climbed in and Dean followed, closing the door behind him.

It wasn’t the first time you’d been in Baby’s backseat by any means, but it was the first time you had been here with Dean. You knew it wasn’t the first time Dean had been back here either; the difference was he wasn’t a passenger when he was in the backseat of this car. Better not to think about that right now. You were in danger of freezing to death; you could think about your crush and deal with your jealousy tomorrow after you survived.

Dean reached around you, grabbed the other sleeping bag, and settled it around the two of you; then he did the same with a blanket. His final move was to put his arms around you and draw you in close to him. He rested his chin on top of your head and dropped the bravado. “I’m gonna keep you warm, Y/N. It’ll be okay.”

His body was warm, but as the last of the heat disappeared from the inside of the car, you could feel the cold gathering around the little cocoon Dean had made. You weren’t going to let yourself be scared. You were with Dean, and he would take care of you. You tried to snuggle closer to him, but you were already about as close as you could get. So, you tried to distract yourself. “What about those Christmas songs, Dean?”

He rubbed his hand along your back to create more warmth. “I kinda exaggerated that a little. I can’t sing at all.” You put your head on his shoulder and sighed, only it wasn’t the contented kind; it was much more the “I can make it through this” kind of sigh. Dean tried to redirect your thoughts with a different approach. “I can tell stories though.”

“Really?” You didn’t lift your head from his shoulder and slipped your hand beneath his jacket. Dean took it for what it was, a gesture to keep warm, but it was more than that to you. It comforted you to feel him closer. “Tell me one. Tell me a Christmas story.”

“Well...um...I don’t really have too many Christmas memories, but I’ll tell you what I’d like to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt your hand slide across my stomach and come to a stop on my ribs. Under different circumstances, it wouldn’t be long before I’d be kissing you. It’d be the kind of kiss that was hot and previewed what else I was about to do to you. We weren’t in those kind of circumstances. I should have gotten you in the back of this car before now and made out with you the way I couldn’t stop thinking about. I should have done a lot of things, but now here we are. You want to hear a Christmas story, so I’m going to tell you what I should have done about Christmas. 

“When we get back to the bunker…” That’s it. Keep the focus on we are going to get out of here. “I��m going to get a tree, and we’re going to find some ornaments. I bet the Men of Letters stashed some somewhere in that place. Or, we’ll buy some. But we’re going to decorate that thing. You, me, and Sam. It’ll be a big one too. You can decide where we put it. Where do you think the tree should go?”

You shifted against me. You still felt warm enough, but I wish there was a way I could keep you warmer. It’s my fault you’re in this mess. How could I be this stupid? I’ve been taking care of this car since I was a kid. This is probably the biggest fuck up of my life, and there’s plenty to choose from. You answer my question, pulling me out of the downward spiral I’m in.  “I think it should go in the library, so we see it as soon as we come into the bunker. And we spend the most time there. Maybe we could get another tiny one for the kitchen to look at while we eat?”

You love Christmas trees. Why didn’t I ever know that? You love them, and I haven’t gotten you a single fucking one the whole time you’ve been living with us. “Yeah. Sure we can get a little one too. We’ll make strings of popcorn to put on it like they did in those Christmas movies Sam watched when we were kids.” I realized then it was Sam who’d watched the movies and the reindeer cartoons. Sam had wanted Christmas too, and I’d just blocked the whole thing out. Christmas had probably gone up in flames on the ceiling for me the night my mother died. I regret that now.

What else was in those movies Sam used to watch? “We’ll make hot chocolate too, with whipped cream, and stick a candy cane in it. We can wrap presents together. Maybe you could teach me how to wrap them better so they look pretty good?”

Your hand felt so small on me, and your voice was quiet. “Yes, I’ll teach you how to wrap presents. There should be a lot of presents under the tree. You haven’t had many presents, Dean, and you should have. You deserve presents.” Where did that come from? 

“I...I don’t know about that, but you do.”  You were beginning to feel colder to my touch. I needed to do something. “Y/N, let’s lie down, sweetheart.” Hopefully, full body contact would make you warmer. I lay you down on the seat and stretched out next to you so the entire length of my body was against you. I made sure a blanket was pulled up behind you to cover the seat of the Impala because it was probably warmer than the leather. 

You put your cheek on my neck, seeking out the warmth I had to give you. “You okay, Y/N?” You nodded but didn’t answer out loud. I didn’t like the quiet. It was better to keep you talking. “What do you want for Christmas this year? I’ll make sure Santa knows.” 

That made you laugh. “Is Santa real too? Have you been holding out on me?” 

Yeah, I’ve been holding out on you, but not about Santa Claus. “I could get a message to him. What do you want?”

You giggled, and it was a beautiful sound. “I want some Christmas pajamas.” I could picture you in something like that. It was cute and sexy. “Will you get some too? And Sam? We could have matching pajamas. Like a family.” Wait a minute. Did you just put me in the brother category? And why was I worried about that now?

“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll tell Santa to get us all Christmas pajamas.” It’s going to take one hell of a bribe to get Sam to go along with this one. 

Then you surprised me because you asked, “Dean, what do you want?” I had no idea how to answer that question. The things I wanted couldn’t be put inside a box or under a Christmas tree. 

Hell with it. I’m just going to be honest. “I want you and Sam to be happy.” That sounded a little like I was making you a sister which I’m definitely not, so maybe you didn’t brother zone me before. 

You kissed my cheek, and it warmed me inside, making me forget how cold it was on the outside for a few seconds. “I want you to be happy too, Dean.”

It wasn’t the right time or place, but I put my finger under your chin, tilted your face up, and kissed you. It was a soft kiss, a kiss to tell you what I was afraid to say, what I’ve always been afraid to say, afraid to even admit until we’re in a situation like this, until I can’t push it away or distract myself with something that doesn’t matter nearly as much. I love you. But I can’t tell you that now because it might sound like some kind of deathbed confession, and I can’t let you think you’re going to die. You’re not; I won’t let you die. 

One thing my father did that I am very thankful for at this moment was teach me how to survive. I hope you understand what I’m about to do. In this kind of cold, you need body heat. Direct body heat; our clothes are in the way. They’ve got to go. Your eyes are starting to drift closed, and that can’t happen. 

I lift your head up, and you slowly open your eyes. “Hey, Y/N. Stay with me. Okay? Keep your eyes open. Let me see how beautiful they are. Look at me, Y/N.” I put my hands on your cheeks and hold your face steady to keep you focused on me. “I need to get you warmer. My body can do that if I take off my clothes. It’ll be warmer that way. Okay?” You nod at me. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest. I’m scared, but I steady my voice for you. “Then, I’m going to take yours off, so our skin is touching.” You nod again. 

“Alright.” I kiss your forehead then take my jacket off, thinking I can put that on top of you later too. I take the rest of my clothes off and get back under the sleeping bag. I notice the snow is falling heavy outside. I hope Sam can find the car when he gets here. I’m careful when I take your clothes off to keep you under the covers. 

When everything is gone, it’s just you pressed up close against me. I’ve got to keep you awake, keep you talking. “When we get back home, I’m going to take you on a real date. The least I can do is take you to dinner after you got naked with me.” You smile at my stupid joke. That’s good. “We’ll go to Lawrence. I’ll show you where I grew up. There’s this steakhouse there that I can barely remember, but my dad used to take my mom there. They couldn’t afford a babysitter, so I went along. They had these menus for kids you could draw on, and I always got crayons. I colored everything blue. I remember my mom laughed about that.” 

This was too far down memory lane. I was probably boring you. “Do you like steak? We could have seafood instead, or Italian, or something. Anything you want.” 

“I like sweet potatoes. Can you get a sweet potato with your steak?” Crap. I don’t know. You couldn’t thirty years ago, but you couldn’t get sweet potatoes anywhere then. 

“You want sweet potatoes? We’ll go somewhere where they have sweet potatoes.” I kiss the top of your head again. “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. We can go to a real city if you want. Go somewhere really fancy. Dallas maybe. Do you want to see the lights of the big city?” 

The only answer I got was, “You’re so warm, Dean. You feel so good.” 

I put my hand on the back of your head and held it. “I’m gonna make you say that under different circumstances.” My joke, that wasn’t really a joke, wasn’t working this time.

I wasn’t sure you even heard me, but then you whispered, “Promise?”

“Promise.” A single tear slid down my cheek.

The knock on the window was loud; it made me jump, but you didn’t notice. “Dean! Dean!” I have never been so happy to hear my brother. We’re going home, and you’re going to have those pajamas. 

Everything: @gambitwinchester​ @princessmisery666​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @peridottea91​ @logical-princey​ @emilyshurley​ @beenlovingromansincedayoneish​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @waywardbaby​ @atc74​ @ledzeppelinsbonzo​ @shaniquacynthia​ @mariekoukie6661​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @67-chevy-baby​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @terrarium-jpeg​ @emoryhemsworth​ @crashdevlin​ @heycasbutt​ @jules-1999​ @mrsdeannafuckingwinchester​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @sammyimpala-67​ @queenoftheunderdark​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @mrs-meghan-winchester​ @timelordy-fangirl2​ @sweetness47​ @hobby27​ @awesomesusiebstuff​ @kickingitwithkirk​ @neveratease​ @becs-bunker​ @sandlee44​ @supernaturalgrandma​ @lonewolf471​ @sea040561​ @dawnie1988​ @maddiepants​ @volleyballer519​ @outcastedangel​ @kdfrqqg​ @lizette50​ @daisymoder72​ @sorenmarie87​ @oldfreakything​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ @deansotherotherblog​

Dean/Jensen: @deansyahtzee​ @flamencodiva​ @deanwinchesterswitch​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @sammit-janet​ @focusonspn​ @akshi8278​ @ladywinchester1967​ @sgarrett49​ @wingedcatninja​ @coffee-obsessed-writer​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @ellewritesfix05​ 

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + slightly burnt snake secondary (some kind of built secondary model)

Hi hi hi!! Hope you’re well!! So tell me, is there a way to tell whether you’re a lion or a snake secondary beyond the actual “textbook” definitions? I think I’m pretty burnt, and I’m on my way to fixing that, but it would help to know where I’m supposed to be heading lol

(Btw, I’m a Sam coded Dean girl. I don’t think it’s relevant I just thought that system was both useful and hilarious and I’m so glad you posted that)

I also really liked how that turned out.

I’m pretty sure I’m an improv secondary. I think I’m bad at it, hence the burning, but it’s what comes naturally to me and what I would feel most proud of.

I end up planning for a bunch of things, and in some cases I don’t hate it.

Damning with faint praise.

Like if I’m giving a presentation, I open a word document and write down what I’m gonna say verbatim, even the language tics and pauses and hesitations and such, so it’s like I’m actually living it. Then I repeat the whole thing multiple times, amending it whenever I change something, until I feel like I’ve sort of gone through the experience already.

That is… the weirdest way of hacking an improvisational secondary. Because that’s what’s you’re doing. Improvisational secondaries need to be “in it,” so you get as close to that as possible in the prep work.

Then I scrap the whole thing and improvise when it’s actually happening – the result is often pretty different from the word doc

of course.

but I’m a bit more in my element because I’ve done it already and I know I can do it.

This is honestly a really good strategy to make yourself more comfortable with improvising? I can tell you’re unBurning, this feels very much like… training wheels, to me. Heck, I think I would recommend your method to another burnt Improvisational secondary.

I’m not sure, but I think that sort of thing is more built than improv?

Like, kind of? I’m autism spectum, and when I was younger I built a Bird model to help me feel more confident accessing my Courtier Badger. That’s what this feels like.

But I definitely feel like it’s a model I’ve developed to deal with social anxiety and my fear of failure lol. I didn’t do stuff like that before it got bad, and if I could deal with not doing it, I would.

I hear that.

In most other situations, though, I tend to jump right in and go with the flow. I really don’t think very far ahead. I guess I can if I try, when it’s just a matter of logic, but things like my life plans, my relationships, or even more short-term things like plans with friends or what I’m gonna eat or how I’m gonna deal with a task, I really can’t project into the future. I can’t really make decisions or see a situation clearly until I’m in it. Then I tend to make decisions very quickly, kind of on instinct, or whatever feels right in the moment.

You’re definitely an improvisational secondary.

(Actually maybe that’s a primary thing? I’m a snake primary, but I do have a very prominent lion model, and a bit of badger as well.)

Nah, that’s definitely an Improvisational secondary thing. I am curious about your primary though, because you say you don’t have too much in the way of life plans… and *that* is more where a primary would come in. You feel like a safe Snake to me (that is, a Snake whose people are safe) so there is a little bit of… what now? What is the Lion+Badger model you wear over the top interested in?

Point is, I prefer being spontaneous, even if it’s something important. Making plans and having to stick to them makes me feel trapped. I’m not the most constant person, and I like that about me. I want to have room to grow and change, even for the smallest things.

Completely, entirely fair.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve talked more about limitations and things I don’t want so far, but I guess that’s a burnt thing.

I mean, sure you’re a little underconfident, but you seem pretty far along to me.

I’ve seen you mention what’s really useful in determining a secondary is what you actually enjoy, so here goes. I like being in the moment, and I like being able to come up with ideas and solutions on the fly, by taking in the situation and using it to my advantage.

That’s very Snake secondary sounding language.

I think there’s a bit of a separation in my mind between “people things” and “being clever things.”

For “being clever things” (like… I don’t know, an escape room, a problem with an administration, a paper I have to write, video games, some kind of mystery…) I like to rely on being observant and quick-thinking, and if I can find loopholes or outsmart whoever I’m facing to win in an unexpected way, that’s even better (but really more for my ego than anything else, I guess finding the “normal” solution is okay, as long as you get there, it’s just less fun).

Hilarious. Yeah, you sound like a *confident* Snake secondary to me.

For “people things” (drama with family or friends, or if someone is being an ass, or if someone comes to me for advice on interpersonal things), I prioritize being straightforward and honest. If I have time to plan or if I’m giving advice, I might come up with something more sneaky and elaborate, but if I’m in the moment, I’m most likely to be really confrontational, stubborn and unyielding, even if it makes things more difficult for me.

Hmm. I am reading this as a Snake who likes being Neutral - especially those words “stubborn” and “unyielding.” There’s a reason Neutral Snakes are called “the unmovable object.”

If I catch myself, I try to avoid it, but that just means staying silent and removing myself from the situation – I can’t bring myself to make compromises if it feels like I’m betraying myself.

Okay, now that’s sounding more Lion.

To be clear, that’s almost exclusively with people I’m close to, or who are supposed to “know me”.

Oh okay. This is your secondary interacting with your primary. Actively lying to and misrepresenting yourself to Your People would be immoral to a Snake Primary.

With friends who aren’t in my inner circle, or acquaintances, or complete strangers, or authority figures, I might get upset internally if I’m perceiving a slight or injustice, but I can keep up the mask I need no problem. That being said, I don’t have a lot of patience for drama, so if whatever it is can’t be quickly resolved with a convenient lie or saying what works for me in a way they won’t mind hearing, I just stick to what I’m actually thinking and/or my neutral state (I’m not sure it’s accurate to use snake language here, but it feels like it and it’s convenient).

I think it’s highly appropriate and accurate. All that is reading very Snake.

I’ve seen a bunch of people say lion and snake secondaries are sort of at odds with each other, but I don’t really get the contradiction between them yet (as in, I don’t see why people can’t be both those “contradictory” things at the same time). I do mask a lot, and I enjoy it – I think it’s rewarding, and honestly it just makes sense – it’s what works best in that moment, and it feels natural to shift that way. I just don’t feel it’s a misrepresentation. The whole “it’s not cheating, it’s being clever” thing just feels a little too dishonest. Cheating is cheating, no need to be so smug about it. It’s not wrong, though, at least not always. If it’s hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it, then it’s wrong (might still do it if the alternative is worse, but that doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an ethical choice to make, it just means I’m okay with being immoral in that instance).

All that being said, I don’t think masking is being dishonest about yourself. I don’t think anything that comes out of my mind is “not me”, it just doesn’t work that way. The personas I have with different groups or people in my life are all genuine, it’s just that different sides of me are brought up. And if I’m acting in a way that’s actually not genuine, that mask is still my creation – if someone else were to come up with a mask for that same situation, it would be different, because their mind works differently. Everything you do is a reflection of yourself, and even if you were to try your best to be honest all the time, you’d never be able to show your true and complete self to someone else. You can’t even see that yourself.

Oh man. This is why I love writing these, and this is what I mean about Lion and Snake being so incomprehensible to each other. Because Lions fundamentally do not think this way, every word here is dripping with Snake.

It might be helpful to think of Lions as static. That’s how Shakespeare (who definitely seems like a Snake secondary…) writes about them, and he sees them as sort of tragic. Lions really do have a “core” persona that feels more true than all the others, and they really do exist in it as much as they possibly can. And feel good and moral about doing that.

And a mask’s point may be to deceive or to gain something, but being blunt and straightforward can be used in that way too.

You are literally thinking of “common Lion secondary presentation” as another useful mask, and it’s so Snake, and so fantastic.

I’m thinking this sounds more snake than anything else, so I’ll focus on why I thought I might be a lion too now. I guess the reason I’m on the fence is because these two are presented as “either you think the only way is through, or you’re looking for a way around it”, and I’m not comfortable saying I favor either.

That is *a* way to think about the two secondaries. But those are symptoms, not causes. The reason a Lion secondary feels that the only way out is though is because a Lion secondary must be themselves, or die.

My first thought was to say that I get more satisfaction from finding ways around a problem because it makes me feel cleverer and it’s more fun, but that’s because I’m zeroing in on certain types of situations (people giving me some intellectual challenge, debates, or video games). But there were also a lot of times where I stuck it out and kept going with pigheaded stubbornness, and got a lot more satisfaction out of that (physical challenges like obstacle courses, disagreements with my parents, winning over certain people).

Here’s where I think the confusion is. You’re a Snake secondary, and one of your masks looks very Lion. Note how you talk about using this “pigheadedness” with certain people, who you know will respond well to it.

In fact, I remember my father telling me one day “yeah, you’re never here to compromise, you just make decisions and inform us, and keep going while you wait for us to accept reality,“ and I actually can’t describe how proud and smug I was about that. Kind of insufferable, but I just get so euphoric when people see right through me and show they get me, even if it’s about the more annoying or bad parts of me.

I think that’s just a human thing. The mortifying ideal of being known is how you feel loved.

I remember a conversation I had with my ex after we broke up where she cut right through all my bullshit and discarded my whole mask to get right to my inner self and the core of certain issues, and even though I was still mad and upset, and kind of embarrassed that she could see me being vulnerable, I couldn’t help but be happy about it, because I felt known.

Yeah. <3

I don’t interact much with people outside of my inner circle, so I can’t tell if it’s entirely specific to them, but I really vibe with the “honesty is their strength” part of being a lion. That’s why my people trust me and rely on me so much, because even though they know how sneaky I can get and how fun I think tricking people is, they also know I default to telling the truth and saying what’s on my mind more often than not, because they’re my people.

I think that, as a Snake primary who mostly only interacts with Your People, you’re in a kind of unusual position. I know that the presentation of a Snake who feels safe can be blunter, can be more Lion-y. My experience with Snakes is… yeah, sometimes I know I’m being manipulated, or having my buttons pushed in a specific way. But I’m fine with it, because I’m one of their people, and I know they would never hurt me. That’s where the certainty is coming from.

Then again, I also have a “it’s not lying unless they’re entitled to the truth” attitude with basically everyone else. I just don’t think some people deserve to know me that way.

snaaaake

(lions are going to take the truth and PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE with it, and if you can’t deal that’s YOUR PROBLEM)

And “ideally”, as in, if I didn’t have anxiety and a bunch of other issues, I still don’t think I’d just be neutral all the time. Sounds boring. And inconvenient.

Snake secondaries are great.

Ahhh, should I even post this? I feel like my whole thought process before this moment of introspection was “so I really vibe with snake, but I’m also hotheaded and a bit of a bitch, so I MUST be a lion, right” lmao. I just think I’m a straight up double snake at this point.

Yep.

Oof, a long way from my original lion bird sorting back when I first discovered SHC hahaha

Yeah, I used to think I was a Badger Bird.

(For the record, I’m writing this in a word doc, and it’s almost 2k now. I haven’t checked how long these normally are, so I’m really sorry if this is too long!!! I’m like physically incapable of being concise I’m so sorry)

Sometimes I edit or re-arrange these slightly for a cleaning reading experience, but I’m having fun. I was engaged all the way though.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for doing these!! They’re super interesting and I’m sure it helps people a lot, and also it’s really cool to see how different people think. I’m a socially-challenged writer, so it’s useful to have that bit of insight into other people’s minds. Love ya <3 <3 <3

[hoboal87]

Sero

Title: Sero

Characters: Dean, Sam, John

Warnings: pre-series AU (Sam is 16, Dean is 20), angst, sads, major injuries, blink and you’ll miss it fluff(it’s miniscule). another warning will be in the tags

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: inspired by this post by @pyschicbi

A/N 2: I wrote this in like, less than an hour. needless to say, no beta and all mistakes are mine.

My Full Masterlist

It was a rough hunt, John knows that. He should’ve called Bobby or Rufus, not take his boys. Dean was still a little too cocky for John’s liking, some amount of self-assuredness is good, but Dean was starting to think he was invincible. Sam, Sam, he’s so far behind on his training, more focused on his school work than researching like he should be.

Bobby’s told him over and over, let the boys be boys, but John can’t do that, not if he’s ever going to find the thing that killed Mary. Sam wants to leave, John’s found more than one college brochure in his duffle, he doesn’t say anything, just tosses it into the trash. Later John’ll hear Sam accuse Dean of going through his things, and Dean, obviously, will have no idea what he’s talking about. They’ll make up after an hour or two, and the next day it’ll be all but forgotten.

Dean’s in the back seat of the Impala, John’s grateful now that he didn’t bring his truck, he and Sam would’ve never been able to get Dean inside. Sam took a nasty hit as well, but he was powering through, wasn’t whining or complaining, his focus, like John’s, was on getting Dean back to the motel so that they could patch him up.

John notices a wince from Sam as he helps Dean out of the back of the car, and he has to admit, he’s proud of him for putting Dean’s well-being over his own uncomfortableness. John steps to the other side of Dean, letting him take a majority of his weight off of Sam and onto him. Sam’s still there, supporting Dean as best he can, and the three of them slowly walk into their room.

Once the door is open, John steps away from his boys, clearing the bed, and grabbing their first aid kit. Dean and Sam hobble towards the bed, Sam makes a comment about Dean overreacting, and Dean lets out a breathy laugh before saying that John has figured out is their code for ‘I love you.’

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

John and Sam help Dean remove his jeans, revealing a large gash from where the wendigo tried to take him down. It’s not the first time that John’s had to administer stitches to either of his boys, but, this is a bit too much for him to handle on his own. Dean’ll need to see a real doctor, someone who can properly patch him up, but for now, and until he can go back and destroy the wendigo’s body, his rough hands will have to do the job.

John cleans the wound the best he can, before handing Dean a bottle of Johnny Walker and ordering him to take a swig, Sam finds John’s leather belt, and it seems to physically pain him to shove into his brother's mouth to keep his screams muffled. If John was any weaker, he’d stop, let Dean relax, but he knows the longer they wait, the more likely the wound is to get infected. Sam sits behind Dean and John doesn’t have to say the words for Sam to know he has to stay strong for his brother, and hold him down as John hastily stitches him up.

Even with the belt in his mouth, Dean’s screams pierce through the motel room. Dean thrashes until eventually the pain becomes too much for his body to bear, and he passes out. Sam’s wiping away at fallen tears as John finishes the last stitches, and then wraps his leg in gauze. They move him full onto the bed, and John finds a bottle of painkillers, tossing them to Sam and ordering him to give Dean two whenever he wakes.

Sam winces again and John raises an eyebrow, but Sam assures him that he’s fine, just sore from the fight, I’ll be okay, dad, it’s probably a cracked rib. John doesn’t question Sam, he has to go take care of the body before someone stumbles upon it, or worse, finish the job himself. John instructs Sam to keep a close eye on Dean; he’ll develop a fever, John’s not an idiot, but he makes sure Sam knows what to do if it becomes too high before he can get back. When I’m done we’ll get Dean to a doctor.

Sam walks him out the door and John wants to tell him how proud he is of him, that he did a good job, but he doesn’t. He can see that Sam’s still upset about the fact that once again he was pulled out of school and onto a hunt. He’ll understand one day, John thinks, they’ll both understand why I’m so hard on them. They each exchange a nod, and John tells Sam he should be back before sunrise.

The sun’s rising as John pulls back into the motel parking lot. He was right, the wendigo wasn’t quite dead, and he had to finish the job himself. When he walks back into the room the sight before him doesn’t surprise him. Sam and Dean are sleeping next to each other like they did when they were little boys. It was slightly amusing, Sam’s long limbs are practically hanging off the bed, and Dean has one arm thrown over his brother's chest.

John walks over and carefully checks Dean’s leg, it doesn’t seem to have gotten worse, which, in and of itself, is a miracle and it looks as if Sam had given him at least one dose of the painkillers already. Dean’s forehead has a slight sheen on it, John presses his hand against him, gaging that he has a slight fever and he’ll need to get him some antibiotics.

Once John is satisfied that Dean’s okay, at least for the time being he focuses his attention onto Sam. When his eyes land on Sam, he realizes it’s the first time he’s really looked at him since they arrived back at the motel last night. Sam’s pale, paler than usual, his skin lacking all color. John walks over to the other side of the bed and notices that he’s clammy as well, and his skin is almost cool to the touch.

He nudges at Sam, not too much to wake Dean, just enough to get him to open his eyes. C’mon Sammy, he whispers, time to get up. There’s no movement coming from Sam, only the delayed reactions from John pushing on him slightly. John’s heart starts to race, and he leans over his youngest son, letting his head rest gently on Sam’s chest.

John jerks away when he realizes why Sam isn’t moving. His hand flies to his mouth as he chokes back a sob, and for the first time since Mary died, he doesn’t know what to do. Sam was in clear pain, and John was so focused on Dean, that he ignored the signs that were right in front of him. He saw the hit Sam took, being thrown back into a tree, but he was up and talking, so John went to where he knew he was needed; Dean.

Sam’s dead.

Sam’s dead because he was too afraid to tell John he was hurt and John was being too much of a stubborn ass to pry further. John wants to pick up his baby, hold him tight and apologize for everything, tell him it’s okay if he doesn’t want to be a hunter, that they’ll find a way for him to go to college, that he loves him and Dean more than anything else in the world.

It’s too late. John can’t tell Sam how proud he is of the man he’s becoming, of the man he would’ve become, that Mary would’ve been proud of him. Instead, now he’s looking at the body of Sam and he doesn’t see the lanky sixteen year old, but his six month old baby who watched his mother die.

John paces the room, he can’t keep Sam next to Dean, he needs to move him, needs to take care of body. But John knows he can’t move Sam without waking Dean, and he doesn’t know how to tell Dean that Sam’s gone. That he’s been sleeping next to his dead brother for hours. John runs to the bathroom, empty his stomach over the porcelain bowl. Dean would never forgive him, he would blame him and John knows that now he’s lost both of his sons.

Feedback is appreciated! In the words of @cockslut-padalecki​  “Likes are gold, but feedback is golden!”

[finaledenialist]

Not to be that person, but watching season 7 Dean admit that he's suicidal after Cas' death (plus post-cage Sam's issues) really makes you think about his 'chosen' death by rusty nail huh...

warnings: su*cide is discussed here

I must admit I don’t remember exactly how it went in season 7 for Dean: I know he was spiraling and he even admitted to Eliot Ness that he would give up hunting if he could, there was also Bobby’s death and all BUT 

yes, if I, for the sake of this discussion, pretend that the finale exist, then the only way I could make sense of it is Dean jumping on the first case that presented itself after Jack didn’t bring back Cas after bringing back everyone else with maybe not a plan, but a hope? A whatever will happen will happen attitude?

 Because Dean probably assumed that: 

if bringing Cas back was possible Jack would have done this the second he brought back anyone else (because it was Jack for god’s sake, and Jack loved Cas);

if Jack, the new God, the most powerful being in the world, couldn’t bring Cas back then it must have meant that bringing him back it’s just simply impossible; 

if it’s 100% impossible and Cas will never be back... Well we all have seen season 13, right?

So, the case presents itself, some stupid vampires, whatever. Dean kills some of them, sure, but he lacks the spark that he has always had, he lacks motivation because what is there to fight for, what is there to live for anymore, right? What is the point? Add his lifelong issues to that and when he saw the opportunity to just... go AND make it look like an accident (because he knew Sam would have been wrecked if he figured out that Dean did this on purpose), he just let it happen. 

He even went further than that: he prevented Sam from calling help when he didn’t die immediately, he used Sam’s shock and panicked response to focus on him, he gives him a speech about living and you go Sam, live your life, be happy, quit this hunting stuff and all. 

In some tragic, twisted way at the very least that interpretation makes it Dean’s choice (a tragic choice and a terrible wrong message to send to the fans of the show, of course but a choice nevertheless): he stopped believing his life has a point, he just didn’t want to do this anymore, he was tired, he lost faith that he could ever be happy here (or at least the very little of this faith that he started to develop) and he thought that there is nothing worth fighting for anymore. And Sam will be fine, because he is different, he always had more faith and he is a grown ass man who, Dean realized somewhere along the way, doesn’t need him anymore the way he needed him almost all his life. 

In a way Dean broke free from John’s orders to protect Sam with his own life (he couldn’t break free from this in life, on earth - this is established in canon, because 15 years have passed and in Dean’s mind Sam was always his little brother, dying was his tragic way of ending that cycle); and who knows: maybe he also hoped that he will meet Cas in the afterlife, because he surely wasn’t going to reunite with him in this life. But most probably he just wanted some god damn peace and to be free of all the responsibilities and of the life centered around killing and hunting, because this life is beyond miserable and he stopped perceiving himself as his dad’s killing machine because of what Cas said to him, but if he stayed alive he wouldn’t stop hunting and killing, he knew that living without it for him was just impossible, this was another pattern/cycle he wasn’t able to break while alive (he almost succeeded with Lisa, but the life eventually caught up to him, he also didn’t know another way to live than centering it around hunting and helping people).

Plus, he must have thought he was already too old to look for someone new to be in a relationship with and he must have known that 

no one will know him as well as Cas and he wanted to be known, he wanted to be seen because we all want someone to know us and love us despite everything; what’s even more important though, Cas knew him without Dean actually telling him anything (and Dean sucks at talking), he could read him, he knew his soul, he could sense how Dean was feeling and if something was wrong without Dean having to talk about it; Cas saw him at his absolute worst (as a torturer in Hell) and decided to save him and help him and ultimately fell for him and in love with him; like, Dean must have known, even in his repressed 42 year old heart, that no one could ever compare to that, because no one could ever see and know him like that, because it was just impossible. 

meeting someone new gave two options: a) unloading all of his life history to another person, risking being rejected, risking repeating this with a lot of people until he - and that is a maybe - finally found someone, b) pretending he was someone else (even if, hypothetically, Dean would get together with some other hunter who knew the lifestyle and heard legends about Dean), bottling everything up like he did all his life - and that choice ultimately also sucked.

So, having analyzed that he probably thought that it’s just not worth trying, you know. He also probably thought he was already older than he ever thought he would be, imagine how tired Dean must have been, and he just lost his, ‘reason to get up in the morning’. He spent the same amount of time on earth as in hell, in a way his soul was 80 years old. This man was mentally exhausted. But because he was still, somehow, full of love, instead of shooting himself in the head or driving off a cliff he decided, for the sake of his brother, to make it look like a hunt accident, one that he has talked about for years (that this would probably be his ending, it wouldn’t look suspicious, especially after he acts like the happiest person in the world on this Pie Festival or whatever that was), one that would even maybe have the effect of Sam leaving the hunting life and maybe making one more attempt at having a normal life. 

Of course, none of that would happen if Cas was just brought back, because he was Dean’s cure to everything, and after that confession? Dean wouldn’t let go of Castiel’s hand, ever. Cas was his rock, solid. Of course this is a toxic thing to depend your life on someone else (you should learn to be your own happiness, accept yourself and so on, yes), but life is not perfect and we’re talking about a mentally ill person who found his light and a reason to go on in someone else, in someone who loved them unconditionally, which could, for them, be the first big step on self-recovery, and that person was brutally taken away from them. 

For Dean, learning that Cas loving him and him being Castiel’s happiness was what ultimately got Cas dead?! This was one of Dean’s biggest fear, it hit right home, it was ‘I let down every god forsaken thing I care about’ and ‘The moment Cas laid a hand on you he was lost’ and ‘I am poison’ becoming his self-fulfilling prophecy. It crushed him.  

I just hate that this makes sense.

[barren-heart]

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

[writingtoforgetreality]

Come Together - Little Movie Star Chapter Five (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter 

Summary: It was finally time to meet the Padalecki’s. What if they did not like you? You were expecting a lot of things but you certainly were not expecting this. Were you dreaming? You had to be.

Words: 1,912

Warnings: language, Jared being a hugger (you’ll understand why I put it here), being uncomfortable, scared of having to go back, surprises, kinda a filler chapter but important for the future of this story

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Tonight, the Padalecki’s were coming over. When Jensen broke the news to you, you were excited but equally nervous. Danneel drove the kids over to their grandparents so they would not disturb you during dinner. Not that they ever annoyed you. The exact opposite, actually. You loved having them around. But you were supposed to focus on Jared & Gen tonight.

The thought of them getting to know you scared the shit out of you. They were the Ackles’ best friends, after all, & you wanted to leave a good first impression behind. It took you some time to figure out what you wanted to wear for dinner. It would be held at home so you did not have to overdress but at the same time, you found dressing nicely to be convenient. After changing your outfit one too many times, you settled on a simple look. While it was nothing special, you did feel confident in it. And confidence was definitely something you needed later today.

Spending hours in the bathroom was not planned, it simply happened. You wanted to look perfect. Danneel had told you that there was no need to worry, that they would love you just as you were. Being a fan of them for a long time, you knew they would never judge you by they way you looked. It just was not in their nature. Still, it could not hurt to put effort into your look, right?

When you woke up today, the first thing you did was checking your phone. You knew you should not but sometimes you felt the need to. By now, everyone knew about you. And while the hate comments were becoming less & less, some days, you only noticed the negative responses. Of course, the media had picked up on the fact that you were a new person they could write about. There was not much to report about you, though. Some paparazzi had shot a few pictures of you over the time of you living in Austin. At first, you were creeped out by the idea of being watched 24/7. Now, you were dealing with it way better. When you were seen with Jensen, you posed for the pictures & it was fun to mess with them, really. Besides your first Instagram post, you had been quiet on social media. The hate wave still needed some time to die down & you did not want to add fire to the flame by posting more stuff about your new life. Surprisingly, the articles that had been written about you were mainly positive. Of course, a couple of them were looking for drama but because of your silence on social media, there was not much they could write about.

Walking out of your room after checking your look in the mirror for the hundredth time, you saw that you still had an hour left before they would be coming by. You could ask Danneel if you could help in the kitchen. She had insisted on making the main dish while the Padalecki’s would bring over dessert. Danneel heard you walking in & gasped when she turned around to look at you.

“Wow, (Y/N). You look gorgeuous.” blushing at her words, you thanked her.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” walking over, you could already smell the delicious dish Danneel was preparing.

“You could set the table if you don’t mind?” she asked you & you immediately got to work, grabbing everything necessary to put on the table.

Hey, Dee?” you were at a point where calling her by her nickname did not make you uncomfortable anymore. Yet, if you had to be fully honest, being in Jensen’s presence calmed you more. Comparing your relationship to the beginning, though, the both of you had improved by a lot. And you were grateful that your trying was not for nothing.

“What’s up?”

“Where’s Jensen? Shouldn’t he…I don’t know, be here already?” you knew he was not the person to be late, especially not for something as important as this. Okay, it was just dinner but he was aware of your nervousness even days before. Danneel informed you that he was at the Padalecki’s house & would arrive right in time with them. Okay, good. At least he did not forget about it.

Ever since you had arrived in Austin, Jensen’s filming schedule was all over the place. The crew wanted to give him more time with you & the change in his life. This ended up in him flying back & forth from Vancouver to Austin almost every couple of days. It was exhausting & you had reasoned with him to focus on his work entirely, that you guys would be okay here. But nope, Jensen wanted to be there with his family & you appreciated his efforts a lot. A lot of weekends, he was at conventions all across the country but he always managed to stop by & spend time with you all. He was great.

There was knocking on the front door & you knew it was them. Danneel asked you to get the door & you were silently preparing yourself. You had multiple conversations in your head & hoped that one of them would be fitting. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door. Damn, you knew Jared was tall but he was tall. You were pulled into a bone-crashing hug before any words were exchanged. Right, you knew Jared was a hugger, you had seen enough videos of him admitting that. Still, you were getting used to physical touch & his hug did more bad than good. You hated yourself for feeling that way, there was no need to be scared of hugs.

“Easy, pal. Let her go.” Jensen rescued you by tapping Jared’s shoulder. It was as if he suddenly remembered that you actually were not one for hugs. Pulling away abruptly, he scratched the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry…” he quietly apologized. “I’m Jared. It’s nice to finally meet you, (Y/N).” you could not stay mad at him, the look in his eyes & his smile was enough to forget the uncomfortable hug immediately.

“It’s no problem & likewise, Jared.” stepping out of the doorway to let them in, Gen came into view & she smiled sweetly at you. Not making the same mistake as Jared, she simply shook your hand.

“Hi (Y/N), I’m Gen. You look pretty.” would you ever stop blushing whenever someone gave you a compliment? You were not sure but it was something you could work on, you thought.

“Thank you. It’s good to see you.” keeping your nervousness at bay, you were proud when your voice did not crack. If you acted like this the entire evening, you would be fine.

Jared & Gen walked into the house to greet Danneel & Jensen stopped you before you could follow them. Facing him, you gave him a confused look, not knowing what he wanted from you.

“I’m sorry about Jared. I told him you weren’t one for hugs but that jerk doesn’t listen very well.” Jensen felt bad that the first interaction between you guys was uncomfortable for you.

“It’s fine, Jensen, really. I knew he was a hugger.” a laugh escaped you, one that eased him a little. Now he could tell you were not mad at what happened. It could only get better from now on, right?

Dinner went by fast. It was easy to talk to them & while they did ask you a lot of questions, they were never uncomfortable. They knew where the line was that  should not be crossed. At least for the time being.

“So, (Y/N).” Jared started.

“Yeah?”

“I heard a rumor that you’re a fan of Supernatural?” he gave you a smile that showed you that he knew the answer to that question already. You nodded your head.

“Started watching about three years ago.“

“That brings me to my next very important question. Who’s your favorite? Sam or Dean?” oh, he did go down that road, great. You could feel Jensen’s eyes on you & Jared was looking way too confident. Honesty was important, right? Well, then you might as well confess.

“Actually…Cas is my favorite.” you admitted. Both, Jared & Jensen, gasped & acted as if the world just ended. You laughed at their antics. They could be such children.

“That’s my girl.” Danneel spoke up & high-fived you. Yeah, you could get used to that group of people.

Danneel & Gen left Jensen, Jared & you alone, knowing what they were about to tell you. Jared had brought you a little gift. It was one of his hoodies from the newest “Always Keep Fighting” campaign. The one with the “Family Has Your Back” logo. After thanking him, you immediately put it on, loving how it fit you. It was a little too big on you but that made it even comfier.

“We have to tell you something.” Jensen started. Oh no. Usually, when people from your past started a conversation like this, you were sent back the next day. Wait…Would they really do that? After everything?

“O-okay?” hiding your nervousness was not possible anymore. Jared noticed you trembling hands & eased your mind before you got the wrong impression.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s a good thing, I promise.” again, Jared’s smile had an effect on you. Maybe it was because he was so empathetic.

“Remember when you told me that you enjoyed acting a while ago?” Jensen continued after you nodded, “I managed to get you two auditions. They are online, so I can be there with you this entire time. That is, of course, only if you wanna do this.” your eyes widened at his words. Had you heard him right? He got you auditions? Plural? That was literally one of your biggest dreams.

“So?” Jared asked when you were silent for a few seconds. You just needed time to process everything. But holy shit. Of course you wanted to do this!

“I’d love to! What are the auditions for?”

“One is for being a main character in season 13 of Supernatural & the-“ Jensen was cut off.

“WAIT WHAT?! You’re kidding, right?”

“He so isn’t kidding.” Jared chimed in.

“And the second one?” everything was too much right now. How could you possibly deal with this information without freaking out?

“A role for the next Avengers movie.” Jensen finished. Yeah, sure, why not?

“How? How did you get these auditions for me?” you were shocked to say the least. What was happening?

“We do have some connections.” Jared winked at you & this time, it was you who pulled the both of them into a hug. Jared looked surprised while Jensen just smiled. He appreciated whenever you initiated physical touch, knowing it was not easy for you.

After the talk, Danneel & Gen joined you guys again & you excitedly told them about your upcoming auditions. That was so foreign to you. Having upcoming auditions. Even though they made sure that you understood that they could not guarantee anything, you were more than grateful that they even got you this opportunity. Supernatural & Marvel, both fandoms you loved wholeheartedly. And now you had the chance to be play an actual part if everything worked out. And how you hoped it would. Your life had changed so much lately & it could change even more now.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (04/17/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth​, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121​, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes​ (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[hunenka]

Dean girls: Why did Dabb ignore all of Dean’s trauma, self-worth issues, suicidal tendencies and his struggle to overcome all that to become his own man and to live his own life and find peace and happiness?

Me: Dabb has no idea that Dean’s gone through traumatic experiences, has self-worth issues, suicidal tendencies and struggles to overcome all that. All that Dean’s ever been to Dabb is a dumb, angrily yelling, people-punching klutz who eats messily and can’t even take a single step without Sam’s (or occasionally somebody else’s) wise advice.

This isn’t some intentional plan on Dabb’s part to tell us that if you’re broken and traumatized, the only way to find peace is to die, go to heaven and even there, focus all your thoughts and energy on somebody else instead of on yourself. In order to do that, Dabb would have to think about Dean, actually understand Dean’s character, motivations, development… and then think “Yeah, I’m going to negate all that just for fun.” That’s way too more thinking about Dean than Dabb would ever manage.

Dabb doesn’t know Dean, he never has, and he never cared for him. Dean’s trauma hadn’t been addressed for years (even before Dabb, it was very done very scarcely and often not that well), except for when it’s used as a pretext to show that Dean’s coping with trauma the wrong way, doesn’t know how to deal with emotions, and is just generally awful and needs to learn how to do better. (That “therapy” scene from 13x04 still makes me want to puke.)

It’s not Dabb sending us Dean girls who identify with Dean a cruel message. It’s simply Dabb not thinking at all.

I’m not sure whether that’s better or worse, though.

(And I’m not saying it’s weird that people do get that message anyway. It does come off as “if you’re messed up, you’ll only get fixed if you die”. But I believe it’s not intentional, it’s just Dabb messing up one last time.)

[dontshootmespence]

As I Watched In Sorrow

Summary: After experiencing an unimaginable loss, Y/N floats through life, living for...she doesn’t know anymore. When it all becomes too much, she’s greeted by a woman in black with a deal so sweet, she can’t bear to let her grief and her morals get in the way.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 6,864

Warnings: Probably one of, if not the saddest thing I’ve ever written. Please heed the warnings! Suicidal thoughts and near actions, death of a child, betrayal, a crisis of faith/hatred for Chuck/God, brief mentions of sex, knives, self-hatred. Lots of shit.

A/N: This fulfills my entries to @stusbunker Lie to Me in Melody Challenge - a prompt from a Carole King song, “As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared, A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard, In times of deepest darkness, I’ve seen him dressed in black, Now my tapestry’s unraveling - he’s come to take me back” and @covered-byroses​ 3k celebration with the prompt “shadow.” Shadow here is definitely more of an abstract than physical thing. Hopefully it works. Sorry to both of you that this took approximately 8,000 years. This takes place around season 8/9 solely for the fact that I needed the antagonist to have years of pent up rage toward the Winchesters.

Closed blinds did little to shield the slivers of morning light from burning her skin. As she tossed the blankets aside, she inhaled the stagnant air and closed her eyes against the sun. Though little, it was still too much. Turning off the lone lamp she’d forgotten the night before, she slowly ambled into the bathroom, popping open the familiar bottle and downing the necessary pills dry.

A glimpse in the mirror made her shiver. Her skin pallid and pitted, eyes sunken and dark despite the fact that she hadn’t worn makeup in weeks. Wetting her toothbrush, she propped the mirror open, unable to bear the reminder. Lazily, she pulled the brush across her teeth, more a societal necessity than a want or a need. She needed to grab food and it just wasn't okay to walk out of the front door without her teeth brushed.

Clothes didn’t matter though. The gray sweat-suit she wore to bed would do just fine. She dragged her gaze over the entirety of her bedroom, searching for her purse so she could go and get this over with. When the cursory glance didn’t lead to her bag, she began go through the other rooms - the kitchen, piled high with unwashed dishes and half-eaten tv dinners, the living room, where scattered dolls and a teddy dressed in a little pink tutu sat dutifully waiting for the return of their owner, the dining room, where she could practically still see her sitting, excitedly waiting for dinner. It wasn’t anywhere to be seen. 

Shuffling toward the front door, she looked in the coat closet, finding her hobo bag dangling limply next to the small, lavender windbreaker studded with unicorns. Had she not been in such a state after coming home the night before, she would’ve noticed it here, and put her bag somewhere else. She reached into the bag and opened the glasses case, slipping the oversized sunglasses over her eyes. Just because she needed to go out didn’t mean she needed or wanted to be assaulted by the sun. Why couldn’t it just leave her alone? Steady darkness had been her comfortable umbrella for weeks. Couldn’t the light just leave her be? Darkness was an old friend.

She stepped outside and locked the door behind her before heading toward her car. As a neighbor pulled out of their driveway, she glanced at a bumper sticker that hadn’t been there before.

When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.

“I did,” she whispered.

----

Later that night, another half-eaten tv dinner was tossed on top of the already packed garbage can. Why was she even doing this? Continuing? Was there even a point?

She went through the motions, turning on the television to watch a TV show before she pulled the covers over her body once again. But it was useless. With more purpose than she’d had in weeks, she walked into the living room and reverently picked up the tutu-wearing bear, propping it underneath her arm as she gathered the remainder of her pills from the bathroom. She’d just refilled the prescription; it would be enough. 

Slipping back under the covers, she placed the bear next to where her head would lay on the pillow and reached for the pill bottle slowly, but with no hesitation. 

A faint whisper emanated from the behind her, where the overwhelming shadow of her apartment fought against the moonlight coming through the once-again closed blinds. 

“I can help you.” A whispery voice said, clearer than before.

“Great, I’ve lost my mind.” She heaved a heavy sigh and twisted the bottle cap open.

With a quick flap of what could only be described of as wings, a woman appeared behind her, emerging from the shadows. “I’m not here to hurt you,” she said softly, holding up her hands as a show of her promise. “I want to help you.”

“Who the hell are you?” She asked, getting up from the bed and backing toward the corner of the room. “Why are you in my house? Get the hell out.” To her disbelief, the other woman walked toward her, through the mattress, as if she wasn’t real. “I’ve gone insane,” she said, shaking, trembling fingers combing through her hair. “I’ve lost my mind.”

“You haven’t,” she countered.

“What the hell are you then?”

“I’m a Reaper. You can call me Tessa.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “What? Like the Grim Reaper?”

The brunette, wearing an unassuming combination of a leather jacket, black tank and ripped jeans, seemingly floated toward her, smiling. Softness radiated from her, welcoming, despite the situation. “That’s what you tend to call us,” she chuckled. “But we aren’t cold, hooded, evil figures. We’re only here to help you cross.”

Cowering in the corner, a realization began to come over her. “When we die. Is that why you’re here? For me?”

“No,” she replied, moving toward the bed and grasping hold of the teddy bear. “Truthfully, you aren’t supposed to die for a long time. I’m here because I think we can help each other.”

She shook with anger. “How could you possibly help me?”

Tessa lovingly stroked the teddy bear’s head. “I can give you back what you want most.”

Her heart skipped a beat, eyes glancing quickly at the worn stuffed animal. “That’s not possible. Why would you bring her back to me if your job is to ferry people to the other side?”

“Astute,” she replied. “Strictly speaking, it’s not something we’re supposed to do. Make deals with the living that is. As Reapers, we maintain the natural order, taking souls to where they remain for eternity because if they remain on this plane, many times, most times, they turn bad, shadows of their former selves. Order is what’s important.” Tessa paused, as if carefully considering her next words. “There are two men - brothers - that over and over and over again, defy the natural order.” The reaper’s voice became louder and louder as she spoke. “They cheat death. Time and time again. Those above me, my bosses so to speak, they don’t believe I can do my job anymore. And I’m at risk of losing it. You see, this is what I am. Without it, I’m lost.”

For the first time since this strange woman entered her home, for the first time in weeks, actually, she laughed. “So you’re about to lose your job and you want revenge on the people you can’t reap? Am I supposed to feel bad for you?” She ripped the teddy bear from Tessa’s hands and clutched it to her chest. “You take innocent five-year-olds from their mothers - to give to a God that strikes down someone so small and I’m-I’m-I’m supposed to care?!” She screamed, sliding down the wall toward the floor. “You and your God can burn.” Sobbing, she buried her head into the teddy bear, ignoring the looming darkness overhead. If she was to die right now, then so be it.

“Reapers have no allegiance to God. Frankly, I think he’s a heartless bastard.” She continued matter-of-factly. “But he is who he is and our job is simply to make sure these soul’s stay pure. Some we take to heaven, some to hell. Wherever it is they belong.”

“My baby?” She asked, chancing a glance at this creature disguised as a human.

“Heaven. I promise you.” Tessa crouched down to meet the woman’s eye. “Everyone has their own personal heaven. In hers, you’re there. Playing with dolls, snuggling in bed together, reading books. She’s happy.”

She clapped her hand to her mouth to stifle another sob. “Why her? She was just a baby. Why did I have to watch her wither away? Why?”

Tessa caressed her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I don’t know. I can’t begin to understand His logic. But I can bring her back to you, just as she was, free of sickness. You can live a happy life together.”

“But you need me to kill someone.” The prospect hung heavily in the air. What did these men really do besides cheat death? Was that really such a bad thing? Wasn’t in human nature? Did they deserve to die? Her heart raced with possibilities. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? That you’ll keep your end of the bargain?”

Tessa held her hand out. “I’ll bring you to where her soul rests.”

Instantly, she was transported, at Tessa’s side, from her dim apartment, to a never-ending expanse filled with light. Doors came into focus. “You’re kidding,” she said. “Heaven is full of doors?” Tessa quickly walked her around corner after corner, ensuring they weren’t seen by anyone else, until they came to her door. “My baby.” Her fingers slid over the name on the door. And dates. 2008-2013.

“She’s in here,” Tessa whispered. 

Beyond the blinding light, a park came into focus - one she recognized. One she’d taken her baby to time and time again. From behind the playground, she ran, screeching with delight as her mother chased after her. She barely recognized herself. “This is her heaven,” Tessa said softly, her arm link with yours, almost like a friend. “She plays with you.”

“Can she seem m-?”

“No. Not the you standing here. That one is her projection of you.”

Filled with a resolve she hadn’t know since the moment her baby was placed in her arms at the hospital five years ago, she turned to Tessa. “What do I have to do?”

Tessa smiled, a small sigh of relief escaping her. She pulled a piece of paper from her jacket pocket. “This man will come into your life. I need you to let him in. He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts. You need to be one of those people. Once you are, I need you to kill him. He disrupts the natural order, and we...have a history. He doesn’t trust me.”

“Why do I need to get him to trust me first?”

“That’s for me,” she admitted. “This history...he’s the reason I am where I am. It’s purely revenge on my part.” She loathed to admit it. 

“But I-”

Exasperatedly, Tessa held the woman’s face in her hands. “He has cheated death over and over again. And your daughter couldn’t. How is that fair?”

“It’s not,” she seethed, taking the paper from Tessa’s hands. “How long do I have? I’m assuming I’m on some kind of a timeline.” 

“One year,” Tessa replied. “If you can’t do it, the deal is void and I’ll find someone else who can help me.”

“I’ll do it. I promise,” she whispered. Before she knew it, she was back home and Tessa was gone. Unfolding the paper, she read the seemingly innocuous name.

Dean Winchester.

----

The following morning, she woke in her apartment, the teddy bear still firmly in her grasp. “Worst dream ever,” she whispered, sitting up in bed. She glanced toward the nightstand, where a piece of paper sat. Dean Winchester. 

“It wasn’t a dream?”

This man will come into your life.

So he’d just cross her path? She had to sit here and wait? 

Tired and dumbfounded, she pulled the laptop toward her lap and typed in his name, searching for some record of the man she was supposed to let into her life. A few Dean Winchesters came up, a character in a book series, a teacher out of the Midwest, an escaped convict accused of killing a number of women. Wonderful. None but the convict made an impression. Could this man, doing his best impersonation of Blue Steel after being accused of murder, truly be the one who crossed a Reaper? Cheated death?

Closing the laptop, she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. What the hell was she doing? How was she supposed to kill a man? A man she didn’t even know? “No, I can’t. I can’t,” she said emphatically. “This is insane.” It wasn’t real? Right? As if to prove her wrong, she felt a darkness at her back, heavy and insistent, but leading her toward the light nonetheless.

----

For the first time in weeks, she shrugged her army green coat on and headed out to the nearest bar instead of taking a bottle home from the supermarket and falling asleep after downing near all of it. Warm light bathed her as she walked through the door and sat at the far end of the bar. Her usual bartender, Zach, seemed surprised at her presence. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. What brings you back?”

“The quality booze,” she replied dryly. Some people wanted to pour their hearts out to their bartender, not her though. “Sick of supermarket wine.”

Thankfully, he didn’t push, instead bringing over her usual. Maker’s Mark neat. Sipping, she quietly hissed the burn, its warmth feeling different now, teasing. Maybe it was the fires of hell licking at her insides for what she was contemplating, the lengths she would go to in order to see her little girl again. 

The familiar, high-pitched bell chime alerted her to the presence of yet another patron of the bar. He came to sit a few seats away, ordering a whiskey on the rocks. When she looked up, she saw him. The Dean she saw in the mug shot - Mr. Blue Steel. 

Tipping the rest of her drink back, she swallowed her morals down along with the booze and eyed Zach for a refill. When Blue Steel caught her eye, she smiled and gave him a soft wave. He was cute. She could do this. She had to do this. Without her baby, there was nothing. He walked over, taking a seat on the stool next to her. “Hey. I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Hi, Dean,” she said softly, taking the refill from Zach’s hand. “I’m Y/N.” She frowned into her drink before she continued. “My friends and family call me Sunshine.”

----

Dean was easy to talk to; smooth, like the bourbon she’d been sipping on for near an hour. He was open yet guarded. Secrets lay behind his eyes, just as they did hers. Though they hadn't spoken for more than an hour, she could tell he’d gone through more in life than others did in 10. Behind his mega-watt, ladies man smile sat years upon years of pain. “So Dean,” she started, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. “What brings you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

“Bad day on the job...” He replied, gulping down a hefty swig of his own drink. “Really bad day. Just need to forget, you know?”

She nodded, understanding settling into the marrow of her bones. “More than you know, Dean. If you want to get anything off your chest, I’m all ears. Think of me as a sponge.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.” The nickname sounded foreign on his lips; she hadn’t heard it in so long. But from his pouty pink lips the name sounded comforting. She wanted to lean into it. “I’m not sure it’s something you would understand. I don’t mean that in bad way. Just...I don’t think you’d believe me.”

If the previous night’s happenings hadn’t occurred, she might have been shocked, but she wasn’t sure if she could be shocked now. This Tessa wanted Dean dead, so presumably Dean was involved in all manner of shit that she would’ve never imagined. “I’ve seen some shit,” she replied, tipping the last of her drink into her mouth.

Dean’s eyes scanned her quickly, as if assessing how much she’d actually seen and whether or not she could be trusted. “D’ya wanna go for a drive? There’s a lake about 10 minutes from here.”

This was stupid. Following a man she didn’t know, having seen his mugshot before, but there was an aura about Dean and it drew her in. Plus, she had to do this - for her baby. When she nodded, he held out his hand to her and smiled. Maybe he wouldn’t be a good man. Maybe she would be doing the world a favor. Something told her she wouldn’t be so lucky. As they walked to his car, she felt the darkness, the guilt, the shame, clawing at her back. 

----

Outside the bar, the moon hung near full in the sky. “This is my Baby,” he said proudly, running his hand along an old Impala. “Through everything, she’s been my constant.”

Dean opened the passenger side door for her and slammed it closed before sliding into the driver’s side like a hand into a glove. She could see he was made for this car. 

As the engine roared to life and they pulled out of the parking lot, Dean asked the one question she didn’t want to answer. But if she was going to get her back, she had to. “So, what brought you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

Taking a deep breath, she said her name. For the first time in almost two weeks. “My daughter.” She spoke so softly Dean almost couldn’t hear her over the rumble of the Impala’s engine. “I lost her 43 days ago. Cancer. She’d just turned five.”

“Fuck.” Dean smacked the wheel of the car. “I’m so sorry. No one should have to watch their kid go through that.”

A tear fell from her eye but she quickly wiped it away. “No, they shouldn’t. I hope you’re not a religious man, but...if God’s up there. He’s a dickhead.”

“I’m not a religious man,” he laughed dryly. “I have faith in humanity, most of the time, but God’s a vindictive asshole.”

She laughed and let her head hit the headrest just as they pulled up to the lake. The moon seemed closer here, silhouetting them as they walked toward the pier. “D’ya wanna talk about her?” He asked. “I’m all ears too.”

Sitting on a bench near the lake, she told him all about her baby girl. Her father hit it and quit it, leaving as soon as she found out she was pregnant. “I was petrified to raise her myself, but I wanted to be a mom,” she said, voice catching in her throat. “I brought her into this world by myself. I raised her myself. Worked two jobs to make sure I could give her the life she deserved. She was diagnosed with leukemia just after her 4th birthday.”

At first, she’d tried not to cry, but it was no use. “Sorry, I’m just-”

“Raw still?”

“Yea.”

“I get it,” he replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

She leaned into it, a warmth she hadn’t felt since her daughter insisted on a goodnight kiss the night God took her away. He wrapped his arm around her like this is exactly where they were supposed to be. “Anyway, she knew what was happening, even though she was so young. She was the one that kept me sane. Somehow. You wanna know what she said to me the night she died? Her last words?”

“What’d she say?”

“She’s the one who called me sunshine. She said my smile reminded her of sunshine. Before she fell asleep, she took my hand in hers and said ‘when I go to sleep, look at the sun and think of me. Then I’ll be with you every day.’”

She heard Dean sniffle and turned her head to see a tear fall from his eye. “It sounds like she was wise beyond her years.”

“She was.” Shaking her head, she pulled herself together and changed the subject. “What about you? What happened on the job that brought you to a random bar in the middle of the night?”

He was hesitant at first, asking if she believed in things that others thought impossible - ghosts, vampires, demons. Before Tessa, she would’ve said no, but now it seemed plausible. “I do.”

“I hunt them. The things that go bump in the night that no one believes in. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

Her heart ached for him. Only a tragedy could get a young boy into such a horrific line of work.  

“Tonight, my brother and I lost a father and son because we couldn’t move fast enough.”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” she said softly. She felt this innate desire to comfort him, to tell him he’d probably done all he could, but something in her told her Dean wasn’t the kind of man to rid himself of guilt with so few words. He carried it with him. “I really am.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.”

----

For the first time in weeks, she awoke the next morning to the burn of the sun, but her instinct wasn’t to shield her gaze. Instead, she craned her neck backward, hair slipping against the cool leather of Dean’s jacket. They’d fallen asleep on the bench. “Morning, Sunshine,” he mumbled. “Didn’t mean for us to fall asleep on a park bench.”

“Me either,” she replied honestly. “But honestly it’s been the best sleep I’ve had in months.”

Dean grumbled in agreement. Apparently, he wasn’t much of a morning person. “Wanna grab breakfast?”

She hesitated a moment before her stomach entered the conversation. “I’d like that.”

At the diner, she ordered bacon and eggs and toast to Dean’s pancakes and bacon. Then they ordered an extra side of bacon to split because neither could get enough bacon. They didn’t speak another word of her daughter or his job. “Favorite color?” He asked. “Mine’s red.”

“Green. Three favorite foods? Obviously bacon is one.”

“Pizza and a big fat juicy burger.”

“Pizza and bacon, and then probably really good sushi.”

Dean made a face and they laughed. He liked grade-B horror movies and Disney movies, though he wouldn’t admit to the latter to many. She loved psychological thrillers and gross out comedies. “The really stupid ones that make you question your intelligence,” she laughed. “I like turning my brain off.”

As they paid, Dean pulled her close. “Maybe one day, we can watch one of those together. Order a pizza.”

“Meat lover’s?” She offered, handing him her phone so he could give her his number.

His smile shone brighter than the morning’s sunrise. “Is there any other kind?”

With ease, they strode out of the diner and back into the worn leather seats of the Impala. She still didn’t know this man, not really. He was a monster-hunting, leather jacket-wearing lover of bacon, pizza, crappy horror and Disney, but she didn’t know him. Yet, she gave him her address without a thought and allowed him to walk her to her front door. “Sunshine, with my job, my brother and I are kinda all over the place, but I’d like to see you again. If that’s okay with you.”

“That’s more than okay with me.” 

Dean returned her soft smile and slipped his fingers between hers, tugging her gently until her lips were mere millimeters from his. She glanced at them, inviting him to kiss her. Whatever she imagined him doing, he took her by surprise, pressing the most of chaste of kisses to her lips before pulling away. “I’ll talk to you soon, Sunshine. Okay?” He squeezed her hands in his, a further affirmation of his promise.

When he began to walk away, she called after him. “Thanks, Dean.”

“Anytime.”

----

It was nearly two and a half weeks before they saw each other again, but in the time apart, they texted and called nearly every day, each time letting the other in on a little more of who they truly were outside of their first meeting. “What do you miss most about being a kid?” He asked, voice low and whispery.

“Sam sleeping?”

“Yea,” he replied with a yawn. “I’m not tired yet.”

“You sound it,” she said. “Would it be too cliche to say not having to pay bills?”

Dean chuckled. “Yes, I mean something that tells me something about you.”

“There was a lake nearby my house when I was a kid. Well, not nearby, more like a couple hours away. But my parents would take me there a couple times a year. We’d build sand castles and look for seashells. I miss that. What about you?”

“I didn’t really have much a childhood. I was learning how to hunt before I turned 10. When we were young though, I read to Sammy a lot. Help him get to sleep, you know? I miss that.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t be. It’s in the past.” This time he yawned so hard he could no longer deny that he needed to pass out for the night. “We’ll be passing through in a couple of days. Can I take you on an actual date?”

Smiling sadly to herself, she rested her hand over her tightening chest. “Looking forward to it.”

----

As promised, Dean showed up at her door two days later with a bouquet of flowers in hand. “How did you know these are my favorite?” She asked, inhaling the sweet scent. 

“Educated guess. Now, we’re gonna go to one of my favorite burger joints-bar-tavern things in the area. They have this killer bacon cheeseburger with an egg grilled into the middle of it that you have to try. They also have pool, so I can teach you how to play.”

During one of their nightly phone calls, she asked them how they made a living doing what they did. Hustling pool, the occasional credit card fraud. You know, the usual, he’d laughed. 

You’ll have to teach me.

“Sounds amazing.”

Reaching into the closet for her jacket, she glanced at the small purple coat, still hanging there, and felt her heart skip a beat. How was she able to go out and smile and have fun barely two months after losing a piece of her heart? It felt so wrong. And yet being with Dean felt so right, so natural. 

He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts.

She swallowed back bile and quickly pulled her jacket out, closing the door against realizations and realities she couldn’t indulge. Plastering a fake smile across her face, she slipped the jacket over her shoulders and allowed herself to believe for one moment that life wasn’t as cruel as it seemed to be. 

----

“Sunshine, I think you might be the perfect woman,” Dean laughed.

At that moment, she was acutely aware of the grease running down her chin. “What this whole, chipmunk look with food in my mouth, guzzling beer is a turn on for you?”

Dean licked his lips and took another bite of his own burger. “Yup.”

“I can’t help it, this might be the best burger I’ve ever had. And that’s saying something.” 

“I told you,” he laughed. It didn’t take long for them to finish their food. “Burger is filling, but they have killer pie too. Wanna split a piece?”

She nodded and watched as Dean easily flagged down the waitress and asked for slice of “good ol’ apple.” “The best one they have, followed closely by cherry.”

Dean looked horrified when she grimaced. “Not a big cherry fan. Blueberry, peach, apple. That’s about it on the fruit pies.”

Less than two minutes after the pie came to the table, it was gone. “We should probably go,” Dean said, craning his head back to the door where a line of hungry dinner guests were waiting. “I think our waitress might kill us if we stay any longer.”

Chuckling, you stood up and reached for your wallet before Dean insisted he pay. “First date, remember?”

“Thanks, Dean.” 

Hand in hand, they walked out the diner and toward the Impala. It was so easy to be with him and more often than not he found herself smiling when he was nearby. But she didn’t have the luxury of falling in love, not if it meant she never got to see her daughter again. 

Tessa said he needed to trust her before...before she did it. “Up for a surprise?” She asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly taken aback. “Sure, I never get surprises anymore. Where to?”

Without telling Dean what she was up to, she directed him where to go. Less than five minutes later, she approached a park - the same one she used to take her daughter to. “I used to take my daughter here,” she said, zoning off as a vibrant picture played before her eyes. A little girl in a yellow dress ran across the grass and toward her favorite slide. “Sorry. Got lost in a memory.”

Dean’s easy-going smile from earlier faded away when he saw the sadness in her eyes. “We don’t have to be here,” he offered, looking back toward the car. 

“No, it’s okay.” It really wasn’t. But it was a reminder of why she was here, why she was doing exactly what she was doing despite the darkness eating at her from the inside out. “I wanted to share. There’s no one here at night.”

Dean chuckled and pulled her in to kiss her before running onto the playground set like a giant child. He ran up the metal slide and stuck his head out through a tube. “Come on! Let’s play!”

Allowing herself the opportunity to let go, if only for a moment, she ran up to meet him and chased him around the small area before she tripped and fell, bringing her down with him. “Been a while since I’ve been a kid,” he said, helping her up. They sat on the wood mulch of the playground underneath the slide and he pulled her close. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem.” For a moment, she hesitated. “You said you used to read to Sam right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Did anyone ever read to you?” When she looked back, she saw sadness in his eyes. “No?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Close your eyes.”

Without hesitation, his eyelids fluttered closed. She reached into her pocket for her phone, hand shaking at the intimacy of the moment and the pain she felt. As she read - Vonnegut, considering he’d mentioned it in passing during one of their phone calls - he relaxed into her. Eventually, his head lay in her lap, her fingers twirling his messy brown locks. Hours passed. The only reason either noticed was due to the placement of the moon, now bouncing off the slide and onto the metal of a nearby bench. 

Dean sat up, sleep pulling at his eyes as he kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Sunshine. I can’t remember the last time I felt that relaxed.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she replied, softly. “Me either.”

----

Two months passed before they saw one another again, but not a day went by with at least a text. Sometimes it was just “I’m okay. Still alive,” other days they were able to actually talk, asking each other the most random questions in an attempt to know one another inside and out. “Hey, Sunshine,” Dean said as she opened the door.

Smiling, she allowed herself to be pulled into his embrace, his lips finding hers. “Hello to you to, Dean. I’ve missed you.” In the months since they’d seen each other, she’d made an attempt to clean her home. TV dinners were no longer piled up in the kitchen. Garbage was taken out when it needed to be. Occasionally, she would even open the blinds. Still, her daughter’s bear sat on the windowsill as a reminder of what she needed to do. 

Dean was unlike any other man she’d ever met and with him, she found herself content, even happy. But what did that say, if she allowed herself the happiness her little girl never got to experience? 

“Now, I know I said a couple days ago that we’d go get a bite to eat, maybe take a drive, but then I got an idea. Trust me?” There was a boyish glint in his eyes she couldn’t deny. 

Her mouth dropped open when she saw him remove a blindfold from his back pocket. “Kinky!”

“Not like that...not yet,” he replied, eyes full of hope. 

Dean wrapped the blindfold around her eyes and led her to the car. He would entertain a single question about where they were headed until shortly later, he stopped, picked her up out of the passenger seat and placed her on the ground before removing the material covering her eyes. “We’re at the beach,” she whispered in disbelief. “You remembered.” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, emotion running wild. Despite the beautiful weather, the shadows nipped at her feet.

“Of course.” He crouched down to kiss her and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I made macaroni salad, pie, and I brought all the fixings for the perfect burger, which I can make on this.” He pulled out a small grill. “My George Foreman! This is the best thing in the world.”

As promised, Dean made delicious bacon cheeseburgers with a runny egg in the middle, just as they’d had at the diner months before. After every ounce of red meat was gone, they walked along the beach, toes in the sand and looked for seashells. Given that the nearest real beach was hundreds of miles away, seashells were a rarity, but it was perfect nonetheless.

The sun began to set, blue giving way to purples and pinks as they swayed together on the beach. “My place,” Dean started, “The place I share with my brother between cases, it’s about a half hour from here, do you want to-?”

“Really?” She asked. Her stomach dropped. He trusted her. Enough to bring her home, to the place he shared with his brother, the only other person in world he cared for. “You sure?”

“I am.”

If only she was too.

----

Despite how much Dean talked about him, Sam wasn’t what she expected him to be. She grasped his outstretched hand and feigned shyness, unable to look him in the eye knowing what she would eventually do. “Dean talks about you all the time,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I knew you had to be some kind of woman.”

“Dean’s told me a lot about you. Mostly good,” she replied with a smile. “It’s great to finally meet you, Sam.” 

After she said goodnight, Dean led her down the wide hallways of what they called “the bunker,” his hand heavy and insistent on the small of her back. Inside, he backed her up against the wall, against the shadows, and captured her lips in a kiss so delicate and sincere she would’ve collapsed were it not for him. 

In spite of herself, she sunk into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed. He trusted her. She knew it in the way he touched her, moaned her name, drank her in. But mostly she knew it in the way he fell asleep peacefully at her side that night.

----

On the morning after their night together, Dean had practically begged her to move into the bunker. “When you leave, I miss you. I hate...being without you.”

She’d been hesitant, but with each excuse he’d countered it. “You make me happy, Sunshine.”

Everything in her had screamed to run, but the earnestness in his gaze pulled her in and she’d complied. While they were away on cases, she would walk around the bunker, gaining more and more insight into the man she’d fallen in love with. Tessa had to be wrong. Dean was a good man - the best she’d ever met.

Screaming into the cold concrete walls of the bunker, she called for Tessa. “I know you’re watching me, you bitch! Answer me!” She slammed her fists against the wall, but no amount of pain could make her feel. “Where the fuck are you?!”

Barreling through the halls like a storm, she gasped when she turned the corner to see her there - the same determination emanating from her as the night they’d met. “Having second thoughts?”

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed, falling to her knees in front of the reaper. “Dean is not the man you think he is. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Disdain radiated from each word. “You only know the man he claims to be.”

“No! I know him. He’s kind. He’s gentle. He does what he does for love. And if he crossed you it’s because you deserved it.” Tears streamed down her face.

Tessa’s gaze melted from soft and endearing into furious and frightening in a matter of seconds. Picking her up by the throat, Tessa tossed her back against the wall. “You’ll follow through on our deal or I will alter it. Get rid of him and you will get your daughter back. She’ll be just as she was and the two of you will live a happy life together. Go back on your promise to me and I will make sure your daughter’s spirit rots in hell for the rest of eternity!”

Sobbing, she clawed at Tessa’s hands. “My daughter did nothing to deserve this! You-”

“BUT DEAN HAS!” She bellowed so loudly it felt as if the walls shook. “And I will use whoever and whatever I need to make him pay.”

“You can’t. You said yourself your bosses don’t trust you anymore!”

“True.” She spoke coolly, her fury gone and replaced with something along the razor’s edge of composure. “But they want Dean dead as badly as I do, if not for the same reasons. Get rid of him, Sunshine,” she said mockingly. “Or I will find someone who will and your daughter will burn.” Without another word, she left her trembling on the floor of the bunker, shadows closing in from every angle.

----

As the weeks passed into months, she awoke each night, screaming, picturing her daughter calling out for her from the fires of hell, begging for her to save her. Dean would lull her back to sleep with made-up stories he used to tell Sam and fervent kisses that said what he couldn’t. 

With the deadline looming large, she tried to think of any way to get the job done. At first, she thought of drugging him with pills. An entire bottle would do the trick and he would fall asleep not knowing the monster that shared his bed, but Tessa wouldn’t allow it, appearing to her again. “I can’t get near him, but you can.”

She was in over her head. Her choices were slim. Either tell Dean, bear the brunt of his hatred and never see her daughter again, or do as Tessa commanded, hate herself and save her daughter’s damned soul. Self-hatred streamed through her veins, but she had no choice.

What started as “kill him in whatever way you can” had morphed into Tessa brandishing a knife she was to use. Every time she tried, pulled the knife from her pocket and attempted to do the unthinkable, she saw his green eyes fade away into darkness. For weeks, she made herself ill, throwing up every day and shivering to sleep in Dean’s embrace at night.

Dean thought she’d been cursed as a way to hurt him, but they couldn’t find any evidence. They’d taken her to the hospital, but unsurprisingly she’d had a clean bill of health. Only she knew the cause of her pain.

“Come on, Sunshine” he said excitedly, “I have a surprise for you.” 

Taking his hand, she followed him out of the bunker to a clearing in a forest just a short way away, where he had another picnic, like the one so many months before, set up underneath the stars. “It’s been 11 months since the first night we met. I probably should’ve waited for a full year, but I couldn’t help myself.”

Awash in darkness, she began to cry. He pulled her close and they began to sway, a clumsy dance that brought a smile to his face. There was no time left. Reaching into her pocket, she grasped the handle of the knife. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Before she could stop herself, she plunged the blade into his chest. 

He grabbed the blade, hissing in pain as she pulled herself away. “Why?” He choked, hands shaking around the knife’s handle. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she sobbed, backing away. “I had no choice.”

A moment years in the making, Tessa made herself known, kicking his phone away before he could call for help. “How does it feel, Dean? Knowing the woman you love betrayed you?”

With a self-satisfied smile, she disappeared momentarily, only to reappear with her baby girl at her side. Dean made the connection. “I could’ve helped you. I would’ve...I-”

Tessa ushered her away, demanding she run as Dean fell to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, holding her daughter tight to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mama. I’m okay.” She remembered nothing.

Through the tear-stained forest, Sunshine ran from the light - the memories of Dean’s touch, his soothing voice, his gentle kiss - and into the darkness, her constant.