#when dick says he feels like he’s known donna his whole life …

[starfiretruther]

the besties meeting for the first time !!

[bigskydreaming]

Brain topic du jour is reflecting on the frankly weird as fuck pattern in Dick’s life where....he barely ever experiences losses one at a time. Most of the loss he’s experienced in his life is compounded by him losing multiple people and other elements of stability all at the exact same time.

1) When his parents died, in some continuities this is coupled with him losing his extended family of his aunt and cousin as well, with his uncle left comatose and on life support for years before he eventually died as well. Even in continuities without Richard, Karla and John, the loss of Dick’s parents is compounded by the additional loss of his circus family in the sense that he was taken away from them by the state and their constant reassuring presences in his life were no longer comforts he was able to rely on.

2) When Jason died, Dick didn’t just lose his brother, as the tragedy was compounded by Bruce’s reaction. I’ll never be able to gloss over the effects of NTT #55, personally, because I think its too key to Dick’s entire characterization and the specific direction his character took in the years that followed this, to like....disregard that Bruce however unintentionally, while lost in his own grief, added to Dick’s own sense of loss for Jason in probably the worst way possible. As by kicking Dick out and telling him to leave his keys, Dick - having no way to know or guess that they’d ever reconcile, just like he never actually went back to the circus being a regular presence for him - to Dick, this was in essence the equivalent of his childhood tragedy all over again. Losing not just one family member, but his whole family in one sweep, and all the comforts and stability offered by a home he was forced to leave. Even Dick’s contact with Alfred was minimal for awhile, because why would the guy who basically JUST saw history repeat itself and was like, well I know how THIS tends to play out.....why would he think that if Alfred felt forced to actually choose between his loyalties to Bruce and Dick respectively, that Alfred would pick Dick over the man he’d known and raised from childhood himself?

3) Titans Hunt. I know I harp on this one a lot, but you can’t deny that it fits the pattern. Dick didn’t just lose one friend and teammate.....he lost Joey, he lost a good four or five lesser known Titans who nevertheless were people he viewed as directly HIS responsibility to keep safe. With these tragedies compounded by the fact that though comics played out a lot more slowburn and extended stories over years back then, like.....the aftermath of Titans Hunt was still everpresent and directly died into Dick’s reactions and emotions during the Mirage storyline and everything that happened with the failed wedding and his breakup with Kory AND the fact that he was literally forced off the team he’d basically founded, by the government agency that took over the team and appointed Roy as its leader in his stead.

3) Graduation Day. The second time the Titans disbanded it was again not due to a singular loss, because Dick didn’t just lose Donna at this point, but also Lilith died in the exact same story and though Lilith is criminally underused, like, she’s also one of Dick’s oldest friends. She was literally the first Titan to join after the original five. This then led into the Outsiders era, where Dick was shown to still be reeling from the losses of this story for an extended period of time, and in a fun parallel to the Titans Hunt aftermath, Dick was also ousted from his leadership of THIS team by essentially a vote of no confidence by his teammates (and uh, Bruce too, literally).

4) The Blockbuster arc. Where Dick’s emotional state was due to a continued string of multiple losses. He lost his apartment building and almost every one of the neighbors he’d built a community out of, as we’d been shown him actively involving himself in their lives and vice versa for YEARS before this point. Then he lost his circus, his childhood home, burned to the ground and with dozens of deaths - both spectators and actual performers Dick had known and loved as a child. Then he lost his relationship with Barbara, his sense of self-security and autonomy to Tarantula, he lost another teen vigilante who died in his colors, the mantle HE’D created, when Stephanie was believed dead in War Games, and it all culminated in losing the city he’d invested himself in as his CHOSEN home, the place he dedicated himself to protecting, when Chemo blew it up.

Oh just for the record - my nonexistent passport to the magical kingdom of Narnia for a fic that raises the point when bringing up Tim’s losses in the Red Robin era, that like.....ALL of the above happened at literally the EXACT SAME TIME as all Tim’s referenced losses occurred. Obviously Steph meant more to Tim than Dick on a personal level, but I also included her largely as an anchor point to the timeline, to show how that death, and not long after that Jack Drake’s and then Superboy’s.... occurred right smack in the middle of one of the absolute WORST periods of Dick’s life. To be clear, I don’t intend this to suggest that no actually, Dick had it harder than Tim - nah. 

No thank you. Hard pass. I hate that sort of thing even in support of my own faves over other characters. No, instead the thing I’d love to see explored more is just in light of the SPECIFIC angle fics take here - that Dick’s actions while Bruce was lost in time showed an obliviousness to everything Tim had lost lately - for literally ANYONE to bring up or introduce into the timeline here an awareness of everything Dick had lost AT THE EXACT SAME TIME PERIOD. To establish that actually, Dick didn’t just ‘not understand what it was like’ - rather, its more accurate to say that nobody in universe around this time ever shows an awareness of Dick’s own losses and says oh wait, that doesn’t track then. 

Because obviously, with this stuff put in proper perspective, Dick understands VERY VERY WELL the exact thing we’re accusing him of not understanding by being oblivious to Tim’s losses that he’s not actually oblivious to because he tries to talk to Tim about them all the time, while meanwhile its everyone else who has absolutely mum to say about the fact that Dick’s emotional state is compromised to hell and back at this point, not JUST because of losing Bruce, but also because *gestures wildly* literally ALL OF THE ABOVE in the exact same time frame Tim’s extended losses happened in.

And okay I am going to indulge in slight tiny itty bitty pettiness and point out my ire that so many fics set during this time tend to recite listicles of Tim’s losses, with Steph, Kon and Jack Drake at the very top of said list....while paying no attention whatsoever to the fact that STEPH WAS LITERALLY BACK BY THE TIME THE RED ROBIN SERIES HAPPENED. She’s LITERALLY a person Dick sends to check up on Tim after Tim turns Dick away when he tries himself. How are you gonna stress the impact Steph’s loss has on Tim when you’re not even acknowledging STEPH’S RIGHT HERE IN THE EXACT SPECIFIC CANON STORY YOU’RE CITING??? I just. afhioskhflafhlafhklfahlfa. 

And not to put too fine a point on it, but you know who ELSE was also back at the same time? CONNOR. Superboy LITERALLY was already back to life by the time the Red Robin series even began. Like, the issue where a resurrected Kon and Cassie (Wonder Girl) have a heart to heart about the fact that Tim and Cassie ‘connected’ during his absence and Connor stresses that this doesn’t bother him or make him feel negatively towards either of them at all, because hello, he was literally dead at the time, why would he mind that two of the people he loves most in the world sought comfort in each other? Yeah, that issue? Literally came out BEFORE Tim even became Red Robin.

I MEAN. I’m just saying, when people constantly take shots at Dick’s choices during this period because of how much Tim had lost before Bruce already, in order to shift focus away from the fact that Dick lost Bruce every bit as much as Tim did......and you repeatedly emphasize the SAME three names as the focal point of Tim’s losses while paying no acknowledgment whatsoever to everything Dick lost at the exact same time Tim lost these three.....it quickly becomes kiiiiiiinda relevant in my opinion THAT TWO OF THE THREE NAMES CONSTANTLY MENTIONED AS BEING TIM’S LOSSES ARE NO LONGER EVEN LOST BY THE TIME THE SUBJECT COMES UP. Again, I’m just saying! Pettily, mind you! I am aware of the pettiness, I just beg awareness of like *again gesticulates wildly at all of the above* ALL THAT!

LOL.

But I digress.

5) When Bruce was believed dead while he was lost in the timestream. Again, Dick didn’t just lose the father who had been the only parent in his life for almost TWICE as long as his first parents......this was coupled with the loss of numerous other sources of stability in Dick’s life. There’s the matter of his personal sense of identity and self-expression....Dick FOUGHT against becoming Batman, trying to handle Gotham in Bruce’s absence as Nightwing for as long as he could, because he knew being Batman was very much NOT going to be good for him. He put so much of himself into building his identity as Nightwing, establishing himself in that role, that self-image, that yes, I maintain it was an actual LOSS for Dick, to feel like he had no choice but to give that up and everything it meant to him and his own life, in order to essentially live Bruce’s life for him in his absence. 

Because it wasn’t just being Batman that Dick was struggling with at this time....he also had to act as the patriarch to the Wayne family, essentially raise Bruce’s ten year old son, step into Bruce’s old role in Wayne Enterprises, all while getting no acknowledgment for any of this, for literally LIVING his father’s life instead of the life Dick had worked so hard to build for HIMSELF....because of course Dick’s actions and struggles couldn’t even be advertised beyond the family and close friends, because the whole point of him doing all this was so that nobody else even realized that Bruce wasn’t really there anymore. Dick didn’t just assume Bruce’s responsibilities. Dick assumed Bruce’s life, so thoroughly that most people didn’t even put together that Bruce was ‘dead,’ between Dick handling Bruce’s actual roles and responsibilities while Hush made public appearances as him. 

Like, when you’re living someone else’s life so completely that nobody can tell they’re even gone....how on earth does that leave any time or space for you to have ANY kind of life of your OWN, y’know? Not to mention the fact that like in so many times previously....all this meant that Dick couldn’t even afford to let his grief for his own losses show, because he wasn’t supposed to be grieving any losses in the first place, that was the whole point of the con!

Additionally, couple this with the fact that throughout this time period, Dick didn’t have Tim to lean on at all, because it was never that Dick kicked Tim out or neglected him or didn’t care....he’d actively stressed how much he needed Tim, because the partner Tim was convinced Dick chose ‘over’ him - Dick was the first one to admit back then that he DIDN’T trust Damian yet, couldn’t afford to, because he was all too aware that Damian didn’t give a fuck about him yet and couldn’t be guaranteed to step in to have Dick’s back - because that required mutual trust that Dick literally just hadn’t had time to build yet. And add to THAT the fact that during this time, Jason was actively antagonizing the family and Dick in particular at every turn, trying to bring them all down and basically write over what all of them saw as Bruce’s legacy with Jason’s own version of what he thought that should look like.

Also also, take into account that unlike how often we see fanon depict Dick as just too stubborn or proud to ask for help, there’s the fact that he actually had very few avenues TO ask for help! As already established, he DID ask Tim for help. Not like Jason was an option at this time, and Dick’s friends weren’t actually just sitting waiting in the wings and groaning about the fact that Dick was trying to do all of this solo....nah, they kinda had their own problems, which Dick was all too aware of?

Like the fact that in the wake of Final Crisis, it wasn’t just Bruce that was believed lost. Many other key Leaguers like Martian Manhunter were dead or lost, with others struggling to fill the gaps left in their absence. Cry For Justice happened right after Final Crisis too....that story where Lian was murdered? So it wasn’t like Dick was remotely going to try leaning on Roy when Roy had just lost his freaking DAUGHTER and very much wasn’t handling it well (and not to overshadow Roy’s loss at ALL, but please let’s not act like Dick - who had literally been the person to put a baby Lian in Roy’s arms for the first time and had known that girl for pretty much her entire life - like, it shouldn’t be used to detract from Roy’s loss at all, but it shouldn’t have to, to just acknowledge that Lian’s loss right at this exact time was painful as fuck to Dick, who’d loved his niece like crazy.)

The pattern of compounding, concurrent losses in Dick’s life. I’m just saying. Its there.

And it extends into the New 52 as well, where Forever Evil came right on the heels of Dick losing his circus in THIS continuity to the Joker, just as a way to hurt him in Death of A Family. And with the aftermath of Forever Evil and Dick’s own literal death, being like....the complete loss of Dick’s entire life, even though he was revived quickly. That didn’t mean he got to live HIS life though, since Dick Grayson was believed dead and he was told had to remain so, so its like fuck whatever he actually wanted to do as he went about on the Spyral mission aka something that pinched his own sense of morality and personal agenda at every turn and was kinda the last thing a therapist would recommend for a trauma recovery period, lol. And like, for all the focus that was paid to how Dick’s family were hurt because they believed they’d lost him when he was actually alive, let’s not forget that for all intents and purposes, Dick DID lose his family in the wake of his resurrection because he was flat out told over and over that due to what ‘he’d LET happen to him’ he was an ACTIVE danger to them, and thus wasn’t allowed by Bruce to contact any of them or lean on them to any degree, until Bruce got amnesia and stopped blocking Dick’s pleas to return home by just not being there to pick up the secret phone line at all. 

(And omg, the obliviousness that just EMANATES off the hot takes that Dick had a ‘choice’ in all this and he still CHOSE to do what Bruce told him....like. LOLOL, stop being pissy about me bringing up the term abuse apologism when its literal victim blaming to paint the guy who had to be beaten into ‘agreeing’ to the Spyral mission in the immediate wake of the trauma of DYING, all while his father vocally blamed him for his own suffering and the ‘threat’ he now posed to his family, keying directly into the guilt complex Bruce knows damn well is at the core of most of Dick’s motivations.....fucking please. There’s no choice in all that. That’s active emotional, mental and physical abuse aimed at directly manipulating Dick’s actions, delivered by the guy who knows Dick best in the world and whose approval - particularly when Dick is at absolute rock bottom aka Current Location - matters more to Dick than just about anything because his sense of self-worth has more in common with dog shit than actual dog shit does. Or something. Idk. That analogy got away from me. But like. You get it.)

BUT. I. DIE. GRESS. (I guess).

Aaaaaaanyway, so yeah! That repeating pattern throughout Dick’s life of ‘loss? What loss (singular)? My losses only come in groups, lolol, fuuuuuun’ - mmmm. Yeah. So that’s what’s on MY brain right now. Thoughts?

[ecmlol]

Dick in daddy mode part 1

Dick is exhausted laying in bed next to a heavily pregnant kory . Tonight Raven was almost kidnapped and now he can't think of anything else.

He reaches out and touch kory 's belly .

I can't let that happen again.

He gets up and heads to the training center with his phone.

He hesitates for a second then calls Bruce.

Catch you at a bad time ?

No just driving back from patrol.

Oh i should have known you were awake still.

What's wrong?

I'm sorry. Dick blurts out

Bruce is silent

For everything. Taking the car when I was a kid my attitude taking my tracker out everything I'm so sorry.

Thank you Dick what has changed.

Having one of my kids almost being kidnapped in the field. That so far has been the single most terrifying thing I have experienced since I started to take care of my kids.

And after finding out Kory pregnant Dick says to himself.

So you want me to..

Put tracker in every person In my household.

Ah I see I thought that was my thing.

Well it is but I will never sleep again if I don't have some kind of peace of mind .Will you help me?

Well anyone that has a suit has a tracker in it so you and Kory are covered .

Dick breaths a sigh of relief

Is kory still a Titan I haven't seen her on the news in 7 months or so.

She is now the voice in our ears when we are in the field.

Ah so shes your new command center.Is she all right did she get hurt?

No no nothing like that she has been having some power issues.

I see.

So can you help me?

Of course but don't make the same mistake I did with you by not telling you. Don't push them away . Tell them your fears they should understand .

All right give me a few days.

I'll see you Wednesday?

Yes that should be fine I'll need you to come back in about 2 month .

Oh why.

We will have another member by then or we should .

Dick what are you not telling me.

Dick takes a deep breath.

I'm going to be a father soon.

It's kory isn't it.

Yeah.

I see all those safe sex talk went in one ear and out the other.

Dick chuckles

Hah haha something are meant to be Bruce .

I feel like your hiding something else

Dick sigh.

I have all the time in the world Dick.

Fine but I haven't even told her what I saw in the pit.

The lazerous pit?

Yeah I died trying to safe Gotham a little over a year ago.

I'm all ears

For the next few minutes dick tells him everything .

That actually felt good to get that off my chest.

You know you can call me anytime Dick.

Thanks I have been holding that for too long.

Do you love her?

Yes I have never loved anyone like I love her . She i's my partner in every part of my life . She gets me like Donna does she loves like no one else . She's my everything and now she is carrying my whole world with her .

So when are you going to ask her to marry you?

I have been trying to figure that out for the pass year. I want it to be perfect.

Would you like my mothers rings I would be honored if you gave them to her and I can even throw a little tech in them if you like.

Wow thank you so much that would be great. Thank you Bruce.

Not a problem my oldest son should have first go at the family jewels. I'll bring it with me . I'll take it to my jewelr tomorrow .

Dick couldn't help but to smile.

I'll see you then and thank you.'

Dick slides his phone into his pocket and heads back to his room he shares with Kory

The lights are on

He opens the door and seen Kory with a small bowl of pickles and hot sauce resting on her belly .

Ah your hungry?

Yeah I woke up saw that you left me . I went to look for you but ended up in the kitchen the baby wants a snack .

Sorry I was in the training room talking to Bruce.

Oh ok how is he?

He just got off patrol.

Oh ok .

He's coming to town in a few days

Oh really ?

Yeah we need to have a meet with the kids

What's going on?

Well don't get mad I was worried you might go in to labor so we weren't going to say anything to you.

Ok... this has to be bad then

Someone almost took Rachel.

No what happened

Some goons grabbed her and tried carrying her away but Connor saved her before they shoved her into a van.

Poor Rachel she seems fine

She was shaken but you know her she's a trooper .

I need to go check on her .it takes her a minute to finish her pickles and to get up.

You good you need help? Dick says

Ask me that next month .

She stretched her back and waddles over to dick who has hand held out to her.

I swear sometimes I think there two in there. She points to her belly

I can have Connor to double check from a different angle for you .

That works I just feel movement all over the place sometimes

May she is making snow angle in there.

Snow angels I don't get it

Dick spots drops and make a snow angel on the carpet

Oh humm that would explain it .

We can still ask him to take a look for you anyway to check on her for us.

I think he likes seeing her his face always lights up.

That will be a special bond they will have .

Yeah it will be

Kory say as she runs her hand up and down her belly

They reach Rachel's room and knock

Come in

Rachel is laying in bed reading

You ok hon

Rachel gives dick a look

She knows

Ok yeah I'm cool just really happy Connor was there they caught me off guard

For the next few minutes Rachel explain what happened.they are about to leave and dick stops .

Hey we are having a family meeting tomorrow morning when everyone gets up.

What about?

I have some thing I want to ask all of you .

Oh ok

You will find out soon enough

Good night rachel

Good night kory

Sleep well

You too dick

Kory and dick walk hand and hand to there bed room

So are you going to tell me what's on your mind?

Well I was reminded that our lives are complicated and danger and we are about to bring a baby into it.

Yeah we are

I need to pull a bruce kory for everyone safety even for her. Dick reaches out and palm korys belly.

A bruce ? So a extreme measure then.

Yes

Ok spit it out

Tracker . I'm telling all of the kids tomorrow that bruce is coming and we all for getting tracking devices.

[stxleslyds]

Robin Jason, a friend and ally of the Titans.

PART 2.

Hi! Welcome to Part 2 of this post, as I said in the last one, I will be talking about Robin Jason’s moments and not reviewing the issues from a story point of view but I think I will have to give a little more context in this one because honestly I am a little lost with this particular storyline, there is too much going on and Jason isn't part of many pages so yeah, I hope this post isn't too boring or bad though.

I will link part 1 Here!

Let’s begin!

·         NTT (1884) #26-28

In my last post I talked about how Jason would be called by Donna to help the Titans save Dick and Raven from Brother Blood’s people. We start #26 with Mother Mayhem giving a public speech on television. What you have to get from this is that this cult is using the image of the two Titans/Heroes (Nightwing and Raven) that they captured as propaganda for their intentions, their intentions being resurrecting Brother Blood and making the world believe that they are good people. Obviously, Dick and Raven are not there because they are supportive of their cause, they were both brainwashed.

In this issue the Titans team that had fallen apart in issue #19 is back, so we find Donna, Beast boy, Cyborg, Joey and Wally together once more and they are trying to figure out what to do because they have two problems, on one hand Beast Boy’s father is killing people and captured Garth and on the other a whole ass cult is doing cult-y shit and captured Dick and Raven. In the end they choose to go save Dick and Raven first but they do it because Beast Boy says this “I…don’t know. I can’t say what we should do. We need Dick here…he’s a tactician. We need him as out leader”. Never in my life would I have thought that I would agree with beast boy but yeah…hard agree.

Donna understands that even though the team is (mostly) back on its feet they still need more firepower and that’s why she calls Jason. While it was kinda rude of Cyborg to say that Jason is not all that (in terms of firepower) any kind of tension is quicky gone because Starfire comes back (talk about firepower).

We have various moments of Beast Boy being a perv towards Kory (thanks a lot Marv) but that’s not important, what’s important is that now the Titans have to tell Kory that Dick has been captured and they are on their way to save him.

They all leave to Zandia (where Brother Blood’s Church is located) and a fight ensues as soon as they arrive, they fight but their goal is to get to the Church as fast as possible. Jason doesn’t say anything in these panels but he is fighting alongside the others. When things get a bit more complicated Jason starts to feel that maybe he isn’t that capable of handling himself but he doesn’t have to do anything by himself because this time he has a team that can back him up. Kory gives him a lift as soon as Jason is surrounded, he is of course thankful and a little bit pervy (thanks a lot Marv).

Kory is shot just after she gets him out of trouble and Jason as the adorable kid that he is becomes worried for her well-being. After Beast Boy is also injured in the fight the Titans decide to leave back to camp. Thankfully both Kory and BB are okay but they are all still worried about how they will get to the Church. We see here once more Donna being a bit overwhelmed with leading the Titans and beating herself up over what happened in Switzerland (#20 and #21) but Jason reassures her instantly that she did a good job and she doesn’t need to be so hard on herself.

This interaction here is particularly nice because Jason reassures Donna without her asking for it. In my last post Donna looked for reassurance in Robin several times but she didn’t do it because she actually wanted Jason to give his thoughts, she did it because she was hoping Jason would act like Dick and eventually take over the team’s leadership. Here that isn’t the case, Jason just tells her what he thinks.

After Donna talks about her doubts Kory says that she is impatient and worried about Dick but also expresses being unsure because the last time that she saw Dick they kinda left things off on “bad terms”. I say this because just like it happened with Jason and Roy, Jason and Kory also have differences, she is a grown and experienced woman that is going through adult problems and Jason is a kid that is just happy that he was called to join them on another adventure.

If we back a few panels to when Jason said that Kory “was a sight for sore eyes” Kory responds saying “first Changeling, now you. It’s got to be puberty”, she is obviously not pleased about Jason making that comment about her and it’s also made clear that he is just a teenager.

This is where I rant about how different what we see here is from what we get later in New 52. Just like Roy (in New 52) Kory is also seemingly very close or the same age as Jason and she is the one that is written as wanting to take Jason to bed or, at the very least, attracted to him. Kory being an adult in comparison with Jason is taken away from her and she is just transformed into something to fit Jason’s new beginning as the Red Hood. Lobdell didn’t do Kory any favours, he annihilated her character and made her out to be just eye candy that can come off as stupid and way too reckless just to prop Jason up, believe it or not Jason sometimes was the voice of reason to both Roy and Kory’s antics.

It’s even worse when you consider the fact that in this issue Kory is feeling better and more confident because she finally understands what she wants and has accepted Earth as her real home, all of that is gone in New 52, Kory is lost, insecure, she even depends on Jason a bit too much at the start (because she “didn’t remember” her time on earth or Dick) and goes back to killing. All in all, Lobdell’s version of Kory was very damaging and a disservice to her past history.

Back to the issue, as Donna and the others are going to start coming up with a plan (with only two days until resurrection day) we move scenes and find ourselves in a meeting where people are complaining about the Titans messing up their plans, but that is not what matters, apparently the people in that meeting wanted to “summon the Brotherhood” and here is where we are introduced to the person who will make the Titans’ lives a little more complicated…Twister. She is one of the people that were victims to Brother Blood’s brainwashing and experiments.

In the next page we see the Titans resting but Cyborg is awake so thanks to that he hears someone coming straight to them, here Kory takes the lead and she says once more that she will not kill whoever that is, that she can’t and won’t do that anymore…I wonder if Lobdell ever read these issues, maybe not.

The attacker was Twister and in seconds she twists the Titans’ reality and leaves them all incapacitated. She then goes to look for and recruit the Brotherhood of Evil. While she did that though the Titans slowly made their way back to the city and are now getting ready to attack. Donnas plans as we soon find out don’t include Jason as one of their front line fighters, in fact he has to be left behind as back up.

Jason is not very happy about this; he is the boy wonder! But because it’s the plan and the Titans are experienced, he decided to stay put (at least for now). Its funny to me that even Beast Boy calls Jason a kid. What is sad from these panels is obviously the last thing that Jason says “I can’t wait until I am sixteen!”. I mean, this issue came out exactly two years before Jason’s death, there was no way they could have seen that coming but yeah, it’s just sad. Jason really was in a better and happier place around this time, little did he know everything would turn upside down after a while.  

The rest of the Titans fight, Donna starts to feel like she is finally in control and that she is doing a great job at keeping the Titans together, Kory is having her inner turmoil about Dick but she is doing her job and when she decides to go help Cyborg and Joey they come across the Brotherhood of Evil. This is where #26 ends.

Issue #27 starts with a very difficult fight for Kory, Cyborg and Joey, it ends with Kory injured, Joey captured and with Cyborg thrown off a window. The only one of them that Donna, Beast Boy and Jason are able to save is Kory.

The Titans that re left have to retreat and find a place to recover, Jason is very silent all the time but Donna and Kory are the ones that are having interesting talks, they have to find out where the Brotherhood has Joey and Cyborg and their time to save Dick and Raven is running out but if they don’t save the others they might die. It’s a complicated situation and they are both impatient but Donna tells Kory this “Dick would be the first to tell you to plan first, attack later”, I bring this up because nowadays its very common for fanon and current writers to think of Dick as someone that doesn’t plan, that doesn’t think before jumping. Even Beast boy called him a tactician, I know this is a Jason post but its also a post about how characterizations are also kinda destroyed. Dick has suffered a lot from mischaracterization so its nice to go back to these stories and see that what we think Dick should be now isn’t something that we once imagined but something that mas modified or taken away from him either by fanon or current writers.

After the Titans decide to wait for the storm to pass to go looking for Joey and Cyborg, we actually see that Cyborg is in the city looking for shelter, he is injured and as he falls unconscious we meet a couple that decides to save him. Back to the Titans once more we have Jason say that the storm that is forming look “like something out of Ghostbusters” its then that the Brotherhood makes itself known, they are taunting them and they have roped Joey to the top of the capitol building and they are asking the Titans to surrender or Joey dies.

Its here where Donna takes full control of the Titans and even though she and Kory have different ideas of what to do she says that she is the leader now and what she says gets done. Donna will be in charge of saving Joey while the others will make their way towards the Brother Blood Church to help Dick and Raven.

Before they go their separate ways Jason says this about Donna “Wow! I wouldn’t wanna be in her shoes for all the garbage pail kid stickers in the world.” I am going to be honest, I had to look those stickers up and all I have to say is what the hell. But I am not here to talk about stickers I am here to talk about how funny its that Jason is being so uninterested about leading a team. Now, don’t get me wrong, Jason has the ability to lead, yes, but he is better at leading himself or an operation, we have all read UtRH, we know how well the Red Hood can handle himself and his plans but a team of heroes? Controversial opinion but I think that Jason should have never been given a team and I am talking about Kory and Roy as well as Artemis and Bizarro. Was Rebirth better than New 52? Absolutely. But I just don’t see Jason as a leader of a team of heroes and it’s also incredibly repetitive, just because he was Robin doesn’t mean that he needs his own team. I know that Robin Jason and Red Hood Jason aren’t the same person and that they might think differently but if Lobdell had never come into Red Hood/Jason Todd’s life when he did we might have never seen Jason lead his own team and that to me is proof enough that it should have never happened. I quite enjoyed the Prince of Gotham storyline in Red Hood: Outlaw, he didn’t have a team but he had an operation going on and people working FOR him not WITH him. In my opinion that’s better for Jason (if you would like to see me review that storyline let me know).

There is a lot happening story wise and I am finding it more and more difficult to continue talking about Jason’s moments here without giving context so I am going to resume what happened between Donna leaving to save Joey and Jason’s next appearance in this issue. Here we go, Brain tells Monsieur Mallah that he decided to “help” Twister take down the Titans because he wants to use Brother Blood’s Blood Pool because he is dying, Twister goes back to her family’s home and we get to see how brainwashed she is, her family is shocked to see her and they are also the ones that took care of Cyborg while he was unconscious, Cyborg leaves to find the Titans but Twister sees where he left to, she tells the Brotherhood where he might have gone to but protects her family by not telling them that they were the ones that protected Cyborg in the first place and Donna was able to save Joey. I think that was everything.

We see Jason again when he is just outside Brother Blood’s Church with Kory (who is giving him a lift) and Beast Boy. But because life can’t be easy for them the Brotherhood of Evil teleports there and a fight ensues. Kory takes the lead and Jason gets to work.

Kory praises Jason for his work here not because she can’t do anything but because she is seeing that a kid is doing an excellent job. Make no mistake, she is the one with experience but she is nice and gives credit when its due.

Cyborg arrives and the fight continues. We see Beast Boy warning Jason about some of the villains’ powers and Jason being the excellent Robin that he is pays attention and escapes Plasmus’ touch.

I might not think that Red Hood is a team player but Robin Jason absolutely is, and the Titans are nice and care for his safety.

While all of this was happening, Cyborg had made his way to the Church and there he gathers all kinds of information including the location of Brother Bloods main Church in the US. He also makes the alarms sound so everyone leaves because he set up the Church to blow up. Somewhere else Monsieur Mallah is threatening to kill Brain after the later insults him again. And there is where this issue ends.

In issue #28 Jason and the rest of the Titans appear after several pages of Mother Mayhem being a creep, Azrael the angel rising and trying to resurrect Brother Blood through the power of prayers, people watching the live broadcasting of the event and Dick trying to break free from his own head but as soon as he does it Mother Mayhem brainwashes him right away.

The Titans are back in their tower where we see Wally again but that is not all, Frances Kane and Robotman come in too. After all the people who are willing to fight get together the Titans make their way to Brother Bloods Church.

It’s in the jet with Wally that we see Jason and this time he gets to talk too! Jason is talking about how much braver the Titans are compared to him but Wally calms him down by saying that even though he has been doing this for a while he is also scared.

The fact that Jason joined the Titans on another adventure without mentioning it to Bruce is funny to me, he was probably so happy that Donna called him again! Maybe Jason was more bored of being with the Bat than he let on and maybe he didn’t feel appreciated enough or heard. I also like to think that Donna got Jason’s number through Dick, like do you remember that Dick gave Jason his number if he ever wanted to talk shit about the Bat with him? What if they did talk and then Dick put Jason’s number on the Titans’ data base? That would be cool and really sweet!

Jason continues to be a team player and being useful during the fights, he has the Titans’ back as much as the Titans have his.

They fight their way in Brother Blood’s Church and once there they find a dude called the Confessor with Arella (Raven’s mother) but he tells the Titans that she is dead. Somewhere else though is where the real trouble is at, between Azrael and Raven, Brother Blood has finally been resurrected. 

It’s in the last page where Brother Blood is looking all mighty and powerful that Dick seems to have broken free from his brainwashing once more.

 That’s the end of that issue and this part of the post. This one was super difficult to write and it’s even longer than part one, I hope I didn’t make it super difficult to read. At some points I felt like I was explaining too much and in others too little. I guess it’s very difficult to show how one character participates in a story without giving context but I just didn’t want this post to be too plot heavy.

These issues had some cool Jason moments but the ones in issues #29 to #31 are even better!

[shblackeagle]

BBRAE Week 2021

Day one: Unconventional Kiss

Garfield Logan was known to have the silliest jokes and pranks at the most stupid and unpredictable times. He was practically famous for it.

Raven knew that, actually everyone did. That's why she often didn't care if he pulled up a prank or cracked a childish joke when everyone least expected. None of those silly jokes got the team into trouble, at least most of the times, so she basically never invested so much into them. He'd always been like this ever since she knew him. It didn't even change when he became an adult. Gar's silly jokes never changed.

But his feelings somehow did.

As an empath Raven could easily feel the slightest changes in everyone. She always knew if something had changed in someone before anyone, even before the person themselves.  Such power was really helpful to the team in many ways. She could feel if someone was being dishonest or too afraid for a mission, maybe even expose a villain's lies. She basically knew things about Titans other titans didn't even have a clue. 

She knew about Dick's inner fears, Kory's homesickness no matter how much she tried to hide it, Victor's sadness about his humanity, Donna's insecurities and many more that they didn't dare to share. Despite that, she never pried more than she was allowed to. But being a very powerful empath she was, she often found herself knowing some private secrets she was not supposed to know. It was hard at first but then she learnt to keep this power more under control, not to expose what she knew and maybe even forget them.

But Gar's sudden change of feelings was not something she could easily overlook.

She knew it wasn't as sudden as she wanted to think. She had been feeling it for months now and at first thought it would disappear like many changes of feelings others went through. But not only didn't it stop but it grew stronger each time she felt it.

She knew exactly when it happened. It was long ago in the medical room. She could picture it in her head easily.

She felt his first slight change of feelings when he was badly injured in a mission and she had to spend a long time healing him. It was an ugly fight and if she wasn't quick enough, he might have died. It was a very painful process for her. Absorbing such pain wasn't as easy as she talked about it. The pain would stay with her forever, but it was worth it. Gar was worthy of it. She would always do she could to save him. Whether he knew it or not, he was important to her; more important than she wanted to admit.

When she was done, he opened his eyes and met hers, he smiled at her.

Appreciation 

Hurt

Confused 

Proud

"None of Vic's medical treatments will ever be as good as your healing touch. Thanks" He said weakly. Raven just nodded at him despite the pain she was feeling at that moment. She didn't want him to feel guilty. 

He got up from the bed and sighed.

"But as much as I appreciate it Rae, do me a favor next time will you?" He said pulling away the cover.

"What is it?"

He hesitated for a moment, "Don't heal me next time." She looked at him confused.

Hurt

Scared

Ashamed…?

"Why?"

That was the first time she felt it. A sudden strong feeling coming suddenly and almost overwhelmed her but before she could totally embrace it, it stopped. It only lasted for a very short moment and she wondered if it was from him in the first place. She had just absorbed his pain so she was probably messing up her head due to the pain?

"I can heal myself quickly and Vic's treatments also come in handy. You should use your healing powers for something more important than me."

It wasn't the first time they had this conversation. Gar always asked Raven to never use her healing powers on him and whenever she asked why he always said the same answer.  

Something more important? What could possibly be more important than his life?

But before she could ask, the door opened with a bang as Kory came to the room.

"Garfield!" The Princess flew towards the weak man and lifted him up from the ground, hugging him tightly. "I was worried!"

Gar laughed, "No need to be Kory. I'm fine." He looked down at Raven, "All thanks to Raven."

***

Raven tried to forget that strange feeling from that day and she would have been successful if it didn't come to her out of nowhere consistently when she wasn't ready. 

Next time she felt it, even stronger than before, was when the Titans decided to have a movie night. They were superheros but even superheros needed some time to be themselves, even if it was just for one night.

It was not unusual for Gar to arrange the whole thing, definitely with Victor's help but mostly himself. He even forced everyone to be in their rooms when he was preparing the movie night in the main room. Dick found it a little extra but who could stop the Changeling? He was always unstoppable when it came to their short gatherings. 

Raven was sitting on her bed that night while reading her new book when she heard someone knocking on her door. She knew it was Gar of course. She easily felt him coming to her door excited a minute ago.

Without even looking away from her book, she called. "Yes?"

"Rae it's Gar!" He was definitely too excited for it. It wasn't like they've never done this before but something obviously never changes. 

"I'm done preparing the main room for movie night. Everyone is now in the main room. Please join us! The movie I picked is amazing!"

She'd rather not think about the last time he picked a movie to watch. She was so scared that she had to meditate for hours to keep her emotions under control the next day. It was even harder when she could feel others were also scared.

"What genre?" She asked. There was no way she was going to watch another scary movie and absorb others' fear of it for a week.

"Comedy! I promise you'll laugh."

She shook her head. Was he really still into that? She was really impressed by his commitment to take any chance of making her laugh. She appreciated it of course, but found it unnecessary. 

She opened her door and found Gar in his pajamas with a grape soda in one hand, offering it to her. She took it, thanking him by a nod.

Happy

Excited 

Impatient 

He was just so easy to read. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, letting her feel anything he was feeling and since he was usually in a good happy mood, Raven always welcomed his presence.

Not that she would ever tell him that!

"Let's hope this one won't come out as silly as the last time you showed us a comedy movie. It was basically a kid show." 

Gar gasped, "How dare Rae! No one is too old for cartoons!"

Raven grinned, "So you agree it was a kid show." 

Gar opened his mouth to retort but nothing came. Raven just shrugged and started walking toward the main room with a  grin on her face. Gar quickly caught up with her from behind.

"It still made you laugh! I remember that."

"It didn't. It was just a silly cartoon."

"Do you want me to go and get the security cameras to prove my point?" He winked at her as she tried to hide her smile and the door opened to the main room.

That was the moment she felt it again. That powerful strange feeling. It hit her in every way possible as she tried to find the source. She looked at Gar but his face remained straight.

"Hey Rae! Join us. The movie is about to start." Cyborg said with bags of chips in his hands.

"Where's Wally? He said he would come." Donna asked looking around.

Suddenly Wally appeared on the couch with many bags of snacks and drinks in his arms.

"What are you talking about? I've been here for the last three seconds!" He obviously bought them from the supermarket downtown. It didn't take long for him to come and go.

"Okay then. Now that we're all here. Let's watch it." Dick said.

But Raven couldn't understand what they were saying because that was the moment the feeling faded away as quickly as it came. Was it from Gar? Roy? Donna? She wasn't sure. Gar was always so easy to read. She doubted he could feel something so strong and hide so quickly...but could he? If the feeling didn't belong to him then who was it? Who was the one that possessed this powerful confusing feeling?

She immediately looked down at Kory who was cuddling with Dick on the ground. Kory was indeed capable of that. She was also there when the first time it happened. But what was it? Kory's emotions were always loud to read for her and she usually never hid them. Raven knew it. 

Raven sat on her favorite part of the couch which was now filled with pillows and blankets and some of her favorite snacks. Thanks to a certain shapeshifter who outdid it. Despite her curiosity, when the movie started, she tried to forget about that powerful feeling. She only felt it twice and it was probably no big deal. For now maybe she would just enjoy being with her friends rather than investing in something she probably had no role in.

Raven was sitting at the end of the couch with Gar beside her. Vic and Wally were also sitting on the couch while Dick and Kory were on the ground, sharing the same blanket. Donna and Roy were on the ground as well but not as touchy as them. All the Titans knew they were a thing but apparently, they were the only ones who weren't convinced.

This time the movie was actually very funny and she found herself chuckling at some of the parts. The main room was filled with Titans laughter as they enjoyed themselves after a long busy week. 

That was all she needed. The whole room was filled with happiness. Everyone had forgotten about missions, stress and plans even if it was for just two hours. Even Boy Wonder wasn't feeling uneasy as he was laughing loudly with Kory by his side whose laughter was so beautiful to hear. 

Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting in all the happy emotions around her,. Even two days of meditation would not give her such peace as this did.

Azar! How much she missed it! 

She didn't even care if she missed some parts of the movie as the Titans kept laughing. Them being happy made her happy. She was so deep in herself and in her own world as she didn't even notice she wasn't even watching the movie. 

That was the moment that once again, that feeling came to her.

She opened her eyes quickly, looking at all Titans faces to find a clue yet she found nothing strange. Everyone was busy laughing, eating and drinking exactly like how they were before she closed her eyes. 

"You okay Rae?" Gar asked as noticed her curious face, "You seem worried."

Raven looked at him, "I thought I felt something."

"Felt something?" 

"Yeah." She said looking at everyone again but she didn't spot anything unusual or something she would worry about.

"Anything dangerous?" Gar asked as he stretched his hand to get another soda from behind.

"I don't think so…" She pressed her back to the couch again, trying to let it go. She didn't want to worry Gar for nothing. "It was probably nothing."

"Well I trust your emotions detector more than anything. It saved us more than we can count." He offered her the grape soda he grabbed, "but for now, let's just not overthink things and enjoy the movie. I'm sure if it was anything alarming, you'd know it by now."

Raven took the soda from his hand, "Yeah...Yeah you're probably right." 

Gar grinned, "when wasn't I?"

"Do you want a list?"

He laughed. "Maybe I'll ask you to show me later."

Raven smiled at him as he turned his head to the TV and continued watching. He had a point. If it was anything dangerous, she'd have felt it, but it was so powerful to let it go. During the rest of the movie, she felt it come and go very quickly many times, especially the times she was laughing or chuckling. It was weird how the person could switch it on and off whenever they wanted it. Was it a sort of a red alarm? Was it really dangerous? She doubted it because whoever possessed it was in the room and there were only Titans. 

But one thing was certain, as much as the feeling didn't feel harmful, it was very powerful that she could detect it among all those happy emotions surrounding her. What could it possibly be? How could such emotion be that strong? It even beat Kory's loud emotions.

But she'd lie to herself if she said it didn't feel so good. Everytime she felt it, she was overwhelmed by it in a very good way. Whatever that was, it put her in peace and gave her warmth. She would be a big liar if she said she wouldn't welcome it the next time she felt it.

***

Even if Raven wanted to let go of that feeling, that feeling didn't seem to let her go. 

It came to her in the most unexpected places, rushing through her whole body and leaving before she knew it. She noticed that each time it came, it lasted longer than before but it was still all over the place and Raven couldn't exactly point her finger to anyone; especially because it came to her randomly.

During battles, her daily training routines, her meditations, sometimes even when she was eating lunch or just walking, even when she was reading her book on the couch and minding her own business! Each time it came, there were many of her friends around and it was hard to figure out who it was.

Mostly because a big part of her didn't want to know who it was either.

It was the truth. Raven never went deep in her investigation to realize it. Probably, if she really wanted to she would have realized it long ago, but she feared that if she knew, she wouldn't feel it again. That powerful feeling, whatever it was, put her in peace and gave her strength. She was fed from emotions and one of her friends was giving her something she didn't know how desperately she desired. 

A feeling of home, comfort and warmth. She didn't want to lose that! Raven figured if it was from one of her friends, she didn't need to worry about it. It wasn't like she suspected anything bad about it.

Azar! How selfish of her! 

She closed her book and sighed, lying on her back on her bed. She was being selfish. What if one of her friends was in trouble and it was their way of giving her a heads-up, or asking for her help? But such an act required a serious knowledge of how her powers worked and she knew none of them had something like that.

Dick and Victor were the only ones who knew how her empathic powers worked better than others but giving her a strange yet amazing feeling to ask for her help didn't match any of them. Dick would have directly said it and Vic was more into technical ways. 

She shook her head and tried to let it go. She shouldn't be using her strength over something ridiculous. No one asks for help by filling her soul with a particular strong feeling. No one even knew she was capable of feeling their deepest emotions as much as she let it show and they most of the time forgot it as well. 

She heard a gentle knock on her door when she was struggling with herself. It was Gar. She never mistake his aura.

"Hey Rae...are you there?"

It was a stupid question. Everyone knew that Beast Boy could easily pick up anyone's scent even from far away or hear their heart beats if he wanted to. His heightened powers gave him advantages that most of the time they forgot he had even; just like her.

Pulling her hood down, she walked to the door and it opened as she stood in the doorway. 

"Yes?" 

Gar was in his casual clothes. A dark jacket with a T-shirt underneath, his dark jeans and a cap. She would never tell him, but he looked very handsome in them. She quickly put that weird thought away before it got somewhere she didn't want it to get.

He was standing with one hand behind his back and his usual smile on his face.

Joyful 

Delighted

Self-conscious?

Nervous?

Shy?

"Great!" He looked around making sure no one was near. Yeah he was definitely nervous but why?

"Is everything okay?"

"Oh everything is great! I was just…" He scratched the back of his head with his other hand nervously.

"Well…?"

He sighed, "Well I was in the city to get some fresh air and I passed by your favorite bookstore...thought of something you might like to read but then I saw this." He took out a book from his back with his hand and Raven's eyes widened in surprise. "I know you've been reading the first novel of this series...I thought you want the second novel soon." He stretched his hand and gave it to her. Raven was flattered if she was honest. Gar knew what book series she was reading and bought her the second part of it! She never even thought someone like Gar, who couldn't really focus on reading books, actually cared about her hobbies so much that he knew what she wanted; even before she told him anything.

He suddenly looked scared, "Please tell me you haven't bought it already!"

Raven shook his head. "No, I haven't." 

Gar sighed in relief a bit dramatically, "Thank God that would have been awkward." 

Pressing the book on her chest, Raven said, "Thanks Gar."

He smiled, "No problem Rae."

That was the moment it hit her again; that familiar feeling. Raven looked around. No one was there except them. There was her chance. This time she had to put her selfishness aside and for once make everything clear. 

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. With just Gar around her, she was now able to figure out who it was.

"You okay Rae? You seem...paler than usual." Gar asked worriedly.

All of the sudden, Raven opened her eyes.

"Where are the others?" She knew the answer but had to make sure.

"Oh? Well Dick and Kory are out, thinking it's a great time to have some alone time. Vic is in his room, coming up with a new technology which I still didn't understand. Don't tell him that though. Donna is on her secret date but let's be honest we all know it's Roy." He laughed and continued, "Wally is off to meet his family and said he would be back…" He took a glance at his watch, "in 45 seconds top."

Raven looked uneasy and pulled the cloak tighter around herself, looking down.

"So...it's just you and me here?"

Gar shrugged casually, "Yeah pretty much but don't worry. If anything happens, we can handle it. It's not the first time we might face a threat alone." He gave her a reassuring smile, "and others are probably heading back as well. So yeah no need to worry."

She wanted to tell him she was not worried at all. She was shocked! But she couldn't bring herself to tell him that right now because she wasn't sure about it.

"Well I'm headed to the kitchen. Do you want me to make something for you? You haven't gotten out of your room since morning. You must be hungry."

Raven tried not to look suspicious so she looked at him with a forced smile, "No thanks."

"You sure? I wouldn't make it too vegetarian for you."

"No no thanks…"

Gar simply shrugged, "Okay." 

He turned around and started walking away. Raven looked down at the book then at him for a second and before she knew it she was speaking.

"Thanks again Gar...I appreciate what you did for me."

He turned his head back to her with a smile, "Anytime Rae. If you ever feel hungry, you know where I am."

The door opened and closed and he disappeared from her sight as he went to the kitchen.

Raven stood there for a couple of moments, not believing what she just found out. It was him! That strange feeling came from Gar himself. She just couldn't believe how easy it was to figure it out. It was so obvious. He was there anytime she felt it. It made sense it was coming from him.

But it wasn't Gar who surprised her, what he was feeling shocked her more than anything. 

She suspected that she had felt that feeling before and it turned out she was right. She felt it from all titans before; especially from Kory on great levels. 

It was love. 

Of course it was love! Only love was so powerful that could give her such warm feelings from inside and put her in such a peace no meditation could ever do. Love was a powerful emotion, she knew it better than anyone. 

She held the book harder as she looked down. The realisation hit her harder than she expected. She didn't know why she regretted knowing the truth or why she wasn't happy about it. 

Gar was in love...it was a truth she wished she never knew.

***

"Have you noticed Garfield has been acting...weird recently?"

Raven asked Victor days later at the gym as he was lifting up weights and she was done meditating. After knowing the secret behind the strange feeling, Raven started to avoid Gar in a subtle way. She was ashamed of prying too much into his emotions when it was obvious he was trying to hide it; so the farther she was from him, the better.

That didn't stop her curiosity though.

"No, why?" Vic asked casually, "Did that green ass do something stupid again?"

"No…" she lowered her voice.

It was hard talking about it. She already knew something she believed she shouldn't have and now she was trying to know more. It was wrong, yet she really wanted to know.

"Then what is it?" Vic's question brought her back to the gym, "You seem worried."

"No, not worried. It's just...he seems different. He...feels different." She said the last part in more of a whisper but Victor heard her.

Shocked

Uneasy

Surprised

Scared?

Yet his face didn't show anything. He just gave her a blank look. Victor was good at not showing his emotions but not as good at not feeling them.

"What I mean is…" she felt stupid in asking, "Is he seeing someone?" Her question tasted bitter on her tongue and she felt she didn't want to know the answer.

This time Victor stopped his exercise and turned his head to her, giving her a questioning look. Raven kept her face straight, not letting him see more than she allowed it but she knew her question wasn't something to just ignore. Victor was curious to know why she would ask such things, especially about the Changling of all people.

After some intense moments, Victor turned back on exercising. "No."

His answer was way firmer than she expected. Raven was taken back on how he seemed upset about her question. 

"No, he's not seeing anyone. At least not someone I know." His words sounded angry and Raven wasn't sure why.

"Why are you angry Victor? I just asked a question." He scoffed.

"It's not you Rae…" he lowered his voice, "Stupid green bean!"

"What?"

He looked at her with an angry face. "You're the empath here. You should know it by now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Before she could get any answer from him, the gym's door opened with a bang.

"The Animal Man is here!" Gar shouted excitedly, "Please cheer for the new gym captain!"

He was in his sports clothes with his towel on his shoulder and a big speaker in his hand. He almost seemed to be at a party rather than at the gym.

"There's no such thing, Animal Man." Dick said following Gar from behind. 

Gar put the speaker on a table and turned to the Boy Wonder with a grin, "well I guess I just invented it." His eyes landed on Raven and Victor. "Oh hi Cy! Rae!" 

Victor stood up suddenly and walked towards his best friend. Raven could feel how his anger leaving his body the moment he saw Gar. His sudden change of mood surprised her, especially because it was Victor.

"Looks like someone is here to get his ass kicked." He patted Gar's shoulder. 

"Oh you wish! I beat Richard, you're easy."

"Only once." Dick said in defense, "and only because you were lucky."

"Two out of three isn't once and it sure as hell wasn't luck."

"Well I guess there's one way to find out." Victor said. 

Raven felt her presence was not welcomed anymore. She wanted to leave the gym as soon as she could. Seeing Gar was hard especially when she knew his little secret when she was not allowed. However, the moment he stepped in the gym, his love poured over her like a waterfall. It was hard to stay and harder to leave. 

If only she didn't dig in too much! She regretted it more than anything. If she let it be the way it was, maybe she wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him anymore. So what if Gar was in love with someone? It wasn't her business. She shouldn't care! He could be in love with anyone he wanted. It wasn't like it mattered to her. It didn't matter!

She wished she could sound more convincing in her head.

"What do you say Rae?" Gar's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you wanna judge the game, to see who's better?" 

He was close, too close and he was letting her feel everything! She wasn't sure if it was his doing or was it because she already knew his deepest emotion; as in she couldn't turn back. 

Up close, Gar looked way better than from far. When did he start to look so attractive to her? Did she always find him attractive? She knew he was good looking but now it felt different from the last times. It had changed! Something had changed about him, or maybe about her?

She should leave. She should leave as soon as she can. 

"Sorry I can't." She said quickly flying over him to the exit door.

"W-what? Raven you okay?" 

She didn't even look back, "I'm fine." And left the room with no other words, leaving the boys there confused.

Except that she wasn't. She wasn't fine at all. Something was happening with her and she knew it was all because of her nosiness from that day. Love was a powerful emotion. Something she shouldn't just mess with especially when Gar initially had kept it hidden within himself. There must have been a reason why he didn't let her feel it in the first place.

But it didn't matter how many times she told herself otherwise, she couldn't help but wonder about Gar's secret lover. 

Was she a superhero too? Was she blonde? Azar was it Cassie? No! Gar would never go after girls way younger than him. Then who? A normal citizen no Titan knew of? Someone he met online? He could do that. He just needed to take a picture of himself in those sports clothes and everyone would be all over him.

"Raven? What's with the rush?" She heard Donna's voice as she and Kory were headed to the gym as well. They were both in their sports outfits as well.

She stopped flying and landed on the ground before them. Kory got a worried face as soon as she looked up.

"Raven, are you okay?"

"Yeah...just finished meditating at the gym." She tries to sound normal, "the guys are already there." 

"Yeah we know." Donna said, "but are you okay?"

Raven raised an eyebrow, "I am. Why do you both keep asking?"

Donna and Kory exchanged some confused looks and Raven just wished she knew what it was about. She didn't want to get into another intense conversation or an awkward one like the ones she had back at the gym with them. She needed to be alone right now more than anything.

Kory stepped closer to her, "Raven... you're blushing!"

***

Life always put people in the most unexpected situations, kind of like Gar's jokes; you basically couldn't predict them.

But Raven was used to find herself in situations she didn't expect, being Trigon's child gave her that. She was herself unexpected.

It wasn't that Raven was unfamiliar with love. Maybe the time she just left Azarath she could say she was, but it was years ago. She gained more control over her powers and emotions ever since. If she could recall correctly, she always felt love from others, especially when they were younger with more unbalanced emotions.

She felt Kory and Dick's love throughout the years and the alien princess could overwhelm anyone with her emotions, let alone a powerful empath like Raven herself. She felt Donna and Roy's thing with each other, Victor and Sarah's and Gar's. 

Azar! Even her own!

So why did it feel so different this time? Why was it so powerful? Raven knew Gar's love before. She'd witnessed many of his crushes before her own eyes. But this time? This love? It was so different on considerable levels.

"Raven! Cover Flash!" Kory shouted as she tried to block the attacks from this demonic creature who seemed to just get out of hell. A gift from her father? Raven decided not think about it.

As Wally was running fast towards the creature, Raven used her soul-self to block the fires. The monster was indeed strong and possessed dark magic as she felt it. 

A green flying eagle flew above her fast and went straight to the monster. Raven saw how Gar shifted into a gorilla and attacked it with his power hands. A smile appeared on her face. His presence alone always made her smile.

She still didn't get the time she wanted to talk with him. After her awkward conversation with him at the gym, Raven couldn't get the courage to ask about his feelings; mostly because she was afraid if he was actually in love with someone.

She didn't know how to approach the subject either. For all that matter, Raven wasn't the titan with the best social skills. How was she supposed to start the conversation even? And tell him she basically invaded his mind and his privacy by accident? When she knew it wasn't an accident at all? That she knew he was in love? That she was jealous? To the point she couldn't stop thinking about him?

As if she would ever do that.

So Raven waited for the right moment. A moment she was brave enough to talk about it. It was frustrating how this right moment she was waiting for didn't come for weeks. The universe hated her. She had to endure months to finally find out about the truth and now weeks to talk about it? She knew what he felt, she knew what she felt and that was the biggest problem.

A familiar yell caught her attention as she saw Gar being thrown in the air.

"Beast Boy!"

He tried shifting to something to reduce the pain of landing hard but he was too weak for that. Gar crashed on the ground hard with a hand on his side, trying to stop the cut from bleeding.

Letting go of what she was asked to do, Raven quickly teleported herself on the ground where Gar was lying on the ground groaning in pain. 

"Oh Azar…" she whispered as she kneeled down above his head. There was a big cut on his side which he was covering. Raven put her hand on his and tried to remove it so she would heal her but Gar didn't stopped her. 

He groaned. "Don't Rae… it's not that important." His voice was weak, "Go help the others. I'm fine."

Raven frowned. "You're bleeding. If it doesn't stop soon it will get dangerous. You might even die."

And it scared her. She couldn't just leave him because of his stubbornness. She had to heal him before it caused him his death. Raven made a move with her hand and made a magical force bubble around them to prevent any attacks or interruptions.

Gar opened his eyes slightly.

"I heal quickly...you know that." He hissed for a second and continued, "Don't waste your power on me...Go!"

It all started with a similar moment didn't it? Him asking her not to heal him. It was months ago by now and Raven remembered all of his words. It all started that day, maybe she would finish it today.

She put his head on her thighs and looked at him upsidedown. Putting her hands on his cheeks, she started to caress them gently. 

Stubborn or not, Raven couldn't leave him.

Gar smiled through his pain. Weakly he put his free hand on her and leaned to her touch.

"Raven…" he whispered.

And then it hit her. Raven's heart froze as she realized how stupid she was the whole time. Gar was in love with her!

It all made sense now. How could she be so blind over something so obvious? Anyone even without her powers would have figured it out already. It was right before her eyes. There was a reason Gar's feeling was more powerful than others, that she felt it stronger than others, why he tried to hide it from her, why such a powerful feeling never left her head...and her heart.

She just looked down at him. He was so lost into his world that he didn't feel she had already started the healing process; she knew it because he would have stopped her. It was painful and she tried hard not to make any sound so he wouldn't notice what she was doing. 

"God It feels...it feels like heaven…" his words got her attention from his wound to his face. Even wounded, Gar was smiling and making her smile as well. It was what he excelled. He always managed to make her happy even though she didn't admit it. 

She was done heading him yet she didn't let go and he didn't seem to be willing to leave the situation either. He looked so in peace and it was heartwarming.

She looked down at his lips. They were slightly apart and hot breath was coming out of his mouth. Raven bent down a bit, still staring at his lips. His smile never left them and Raven realized she couldn't stop herself either.

Still caressing his cheeks, Raven closed her eyes and kissed his lips upsidedown. 

Azar she was kissing him! And how much it felt amazing! His lips were soft on hers and she felt him kissing her back shortly after. A smile appeared on her lips as she kept kissing him gently. That's what she wanted. Him with her. How much of a fool she was not to realize it sooner. It felt as if her lips were meant to be on his at that particular moment; and she figured she didn't mind if these moments become more often.

"Guys! Really?!" It was Roy, "in the middle of a battle?

Neither of them cared as they kept kissing. A battle, a mission or even an apocalypse, none of them could take away this moment from her. She had waited long for this to finally happen.

They broke the kiss slowly. She didn't open her eyes and knew Gar didn't either. She could feel his breaths on her face and his hand on hers. He was rubbing his tomb on her hand. She heard him chuckle.

"You knew it all the time, didn't you?"

Love...

For that moment, that was all he was feeling. She smiled.

"Well, you're always easy to read Gar."

@bbraeweek21

[miss-choco-chips]

Favorite color

Ever since he was born, his world was filled with colors, a beautiful rainbow at his fingers. He’d look down at them at night, or when his parent’s leaving made him want to cry, or when a horror story told by a classmate in the playground scared him half to death, and find comfort in their silky touch and bright hues.

He was seven when he learned the meaning behind them. And the blaring lack of red signaled the first, but not last, heartbreak of his life.

Blue, green, purple, black… and bright yellow. A teacher, a missed opportunity, a first love, life and death… and friendship. No eternal love for Tim, it seemed.

Well. He hadn’t really expected any different. Who would love him forever, when his own parents didn’t?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He had forgotten it, and it escaped his notice for many years. Until one night, following Dick Grayson as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, when he noticed his purple string moving in synch with him. Pointing towards his hero, the boy who had given him his very first hug that night at the circus. His First Love, his Not Meant to Be.

That night, Tim packed up early and went home. He just couldn’t stand the red uniform contrasting sharply with his purple thread.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Dick left, he thought maybe now he could go back to his old habits, to run the streets looking for flashes of the new robin without the baggage of avoiding to look at his own hand.

No such luck.

The green made a whole lot of sense when news of Jason’s death reached him, tough.

It wouldn't be the last night he’d cry himself to sleep, holding the frayed ends of his fated Almost.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Becoming Robin was both easy and painful. Comfortable, because the blue string pointing him towards Bruce meant this was always supposed to happen; heartbreaking, because it took a kid dying. Because Tim might not have a romantic soul mate, but his hands, that had made a green string break to grant him access to the blue path, were stained red nonetheless.

Wearing Robin’s red, with all the hurt and bad memories it carried, felt like a subpar punishment.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Meeting his Yellows almost passed his awareness. In the middle of a crisis, every adult missing, no mentor to guide him, he couldn’t exactly spare a thought for the kids looking shellshocked at him, each other and their hands.

After, when Young Justice was officially formed, he firmly avoided looking at Bart, Superboy and Wondergirl. Their eyes followed him, pleading, but he’d learned no good ever came from strings that weren’t red.

And the red in his soul wasn’t from love.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Despite himself and his best efforts, they grew closer. Life or death situations had that effect on people, after all.

His own reluctance, which had in turn provoqued Kon’s anger, Bart’s dejection and Cassie’s confusion, slowly began to crumble. He was helpless in the face of their unrelenting friendship.

The strings grew shinier, stronger, healthier, the yellow a stark contrast to frayed (dead) green, cold blue, distant purple. Scary black.

Tim still despised the rainbow in his fingers, but… he could maybe withstand the sparks of yellow he’d catch from the corner of his eye, knowing just who were at the other end.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It wasn’t exactly team training. Greta, Anita, Cissie, Slobo and the others didn’t join them, for whatever reason. It was always the four of them, leaning on and learning from each other.

When Kon’s strength frustrated him, when the world around him seemed to be made of bubbles and sea foam, Tim stayed late at night every weekend to help. Every spare moment directed towards coaching him, again and again, through exercises he had to come by himself (Clark was no big help, here), until exhaustion made his muscles tremble and Kon’s anger had burned out from frustration to soft acceptance that he just wasn’t like the rest. Until he could hold still and let Superboy trace the side of his jaw with a careful finger, and exchange proud little smiles when his face remained unbroken.

Bart being raised by video games had the expected outcome; he had little to no practical, day to day life knowledge. He was the closest living thing to a Looney Toon. Which was fun and good when crime fighting, his crazy ideas often saved their ass last minute, but unacceptable if integrating him into society was to be considered. So Tim would take him out, hand in hand so he didn’t forget himself and ran on his own, to leisurely stroll down busy streets, arcades, schools, libraries. Talk to people in parks and visit recreational centers, barter with street vendors and ask the little boy selling flowers on Jump Street how his mother is doing. Whatever Tim could think of that would soften Bart’s cultural shock.

In that regard, Cassie was a godsend. With her own attentive mentor, and raised like a normal girl until she obtained her powers, she was the most well balanced member on their team. Tim had started to feel a little restless (how can he help her, how can he convince her to stay…), when he noticed her frustrated, sad face whenever Donna was mentioned on Tv, when any reporter or older hero compared the two Wonder Girls. Familiar as he was with imposter syndrome, Tim would rest his arm around her shoulders and turn to the rest of the team, loudly reminding everyone to ‘speed up guys, Cassie here’s already done with her training routine’ or slump tiredly against her while complaining about ‘how immature they are, I can’t deal, thank God you’re here to remind me competent people do exist’.

It was familiar, to help them along. To nudge them forward and watch their backs as they went, firmly making their way towards being the awesome men and woman he knew they’d become. Lending a hand here and there, working on steading their foundations, so he’d be remembered fondly when they inevitably took off and went on with their lives.

He was used to that, to looking for ways his fated people would want him around. Being a good brother to Dick, an eager student to Bruce (a good mourner for Jason).

What he wasn’t used to was reciprocation, though.

Tim had learned how to fly from the best, from Dick Grayson himself.The boy with no powers that looked at gravity and laughed, sayed “thanks, but no”. But there were some things only a true meta could experience, ways to move his body just so, to take advantage of wind currents to either speed or slow his movements. Kon also visited him in Gotham, unknowing or uncaring about its meta restriction, risking pissing off Batman himself just to spend time with Tim.

There was Bart, kind, cute, friendly Bart, who would stop eating and playing around to drag Tim to the training grounds and run laps around him, as silently as he knew how. Making Tim used to fighting against someone quicker than him, lighter on their feet. To count incredibly soft steps even when they made no sound, and use other senses to pinpoint exactly where the next hit was going to come from. And after they were done, there was always a warm smile and some sweet treat (always different, as if Bart was determined to figure out Tim’s preferences by trial and mistake), the new knowledge and delicious prize worth the dirt in unmentionable places.

As stated before, Cassie was an absolute godsend. But it wasn’t just because she was easier to deal with than the rest. Or because she understood the pressure he had on his shoulders, being raised in the shadow of two incredibly renowned heroes. When Tim’s position as leader had been taken away (after Bruce’s plans for taking out the league became known, and ‘what if he has the same for us’), she took him aside. Hugging him, promising him the team’s anger was going to pass, that she could see why those contingencies might be necessary, that even if she was officially in charge, she’d always defer to him when it mattered. Her trust in him and his heart was unshakable, firm as the arm he’d put round her when self doubt arose its head.

(It wasn’t supposed to be this way; if they reciprocated, they didn’t owe him, and then how was he supposed to keep them close? To convince him to stay, to love the boy with loveless fate?)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jason was unexpected, but Tim couldn’t hold it against him. Even there, bleeding out in the Tower, he felt… at ease.

His predecessor was back. Bruce’s son was back. The prodigal Robin had returned, by some miracle. Tim’s shift had come to an end; even if he died here, he had succeeded in keeping Bruce sane, and now that the real deal was in town, Jason could take over and everything would go back as it should have been. Everyone (B, Dick, Babs, Alfred) would be happier. Maybe they’d mourn him, for a bit, but with such a joyous occasion as a beloved one returning home, it wasn’t like grief could stay for long.

Someone yelled, near. Warm hands shaking as they touched his face infinitely careful, small fingers intertwined with his in a very familiar hold, a strong and slender arm around his back as he’s being held in a half hug. Cries, pleas, demands.

And while nothingness claims Tim, drags him to a well of black, yellow still clings to his eyelids. A touch that keeps him warm even though unconsciousness is supposed to be so cold.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Death and life. Damian.

Tim can see the first one, what with all of the brat’s attempts to end him. It’s the second one that has him stumped.

He knows not all strings go both ways. His purple one, for example; even if Dick was Tim’s first love, everyone and their mother knew Babs’ was his. Dick had a string pointing towards Tim, but it was a mentor-student one. Same as the one he and Bruce shared. Jason, too; Tim’s side of the string was the green of Almost, while the former Robin’s color was black (Tim taking his place as Robin, and being the only one in the family offering his hand again and again despite his murderous actions, was in some poetic sense the death of an old role, and the birth of a new family dynamic).

Damian, though… Well. He was almost sure they had the same color for each other (how else to explain such dangerous rage), but really, unless the kid was willing to share, it was only suppositions for now.

His only comfort remained the three beams of light, of a yellow almost golden in its healthy shine.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Tim changed his suit following Conner’s death, everyone thought it was an homenage. A way to pay tribute to a hero that was his closest, dearest friend. A way to never forget (as if he could, ever, with the lifeless line of pale beige, once yellow, dangling from his twitching finger).

They weren’t wrong, but it wasn’t just that.

Red had always pained him, in a deep, almost forgotten place. A thorn on his side, scratching against his heart. For the longest part, yellow had filled him to the brim, until hurt and yearning had no place inside him. With Kon’s warmth missing, red bleed in the place between Cassie and Bart, despite their best efforts to close ranks and keep it out.

Their sad eyes followed him during the funeral, knowing what the color meant to him. Just how much he was hurting himself, right now. But, lost in their own grief, there was little to be done.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

By the time Tim got the call about Bart, he already knew.

He ignored the ringing phone, holding a sobbing Cassie in his arms, both desperately clutching at their only remaining yellow string.

Between the two of them, color like blood seeped.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Every so often, when Ra’s voice in his ear became too familiar for comfort, where lines draw in sand begane to erode and blur, he’d raise his hand, eyes locked on the three yellow strings, and watch as Cassie’s moved, disappearing end pointing always in her direction.

He was fairly sure that, wherever she was, she was doing the same. Reminding herself he was alive as well, hadn’t left her behind.

Her absence from his life was necessary, finding Bruce a priority, and the red of his new suit (his new name) was proof of just how deeply it all ran. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t yearning for her lighter color.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were back, and he was hiding.

He wanted to run to their arms, hug them and never let them out of his view, far from where he could protect them (keep them). He wanted Kon’s hand on his face, delicate despite his strength, un-trembling when Tim’s own would softly join it on his check and held it there; Bart’s fingers between his own, too steady and constant for the boy who didn’t know how to sit still; Cassie’s arm on his waist, his own on her back, as they shared the weight of the world in their shoulders.

And because he wanted so damn much, he couldn’t do it.

He was covered in red. His first love discarded him, his Almost died so Tim could have his Teacher, his Life and Death was so heavily focused on the last bit… his hands lacked red, but oh, how much he leaked of it in his soul.

He couldn’t let them die again, be stained by his twisted fate; even if it meant he could’t hold them close any longer.

Letting go was more painful than holding on, but he was used to it by now.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They find him. Of course they do; even without Kon’s senses, they all have beams of gold pointing them towards him, like Dorothy’s yellow brick road.

Tim knew it, was ready for it. And as such, had prepared the words that would push them away, to where it was safer.

Or so he thought.

“We are not leaving you.”

“Who cares about fate? You are ours, Rob.”

“It’s been long enough, Tim. Time to come home, we are done waiting.”

He denies them, shakes despite his usual iron clad control over his body, heart wrenching painfully at their decided expressions.

“You don’t understand. I’m Red Robin now. I’m not… I’m no good for you.”

“I could literally snap your back with the flick of a finger, shut up with that ‘I’m dangerous’ bullshit.”

“Yeah, even Bart could be dangerous given the right circumstances, you aren’t the only one here to watch for. It doesn’t mean shit to us.”

‘

“That’s right, I- wait, what do you mean ‘even Bart?”

“Not the point, Imp.”

They don’t get it. He takes his mask off, wants to give them a good look at his eyes, to read his emotions there and finally realize what’s wrong about him.

“Almost all my strings have something to do with death, or were touched by it. Don’t you see it?” He raises his hand, despite knowing they can’t see his strings, only their own. “I have no red here, only blood. I can’t… I’m not safe to love. I’ll never be loved.”

Kon snaps, something he had rarely done since their Young Justice days, hands on Tim’s shoulders, seemingly torn between shaking him and pulling him close. The latter wins.

(As it always does)

“This is love, you idiot! WE love you!”

Tim chokes on something (saliva, his own breath, emotions). Gasps, tears coming to his eyes unbridled.

He feels two pairs of arms joining the first one, a cocoon of warmth and unconditional love forming around him.

Bart’s sad eyes watch Tim from under Kon’s hug. “I don’t have red either, Rob. Romantic, platonic, filial… who gives a fuck”, he shrugs, before hiding his face against the red of Tim’s uniform. Uncaring of all it represents for him or perhaps doing his best to defy it.

Cassie just holds them all in the circle of her own embrace, forehead to the back of Tim’s head. Her hold is the tightest, and he just realizes- she lost all of them, didn’t she? To death and grief, all too far to touch, and now that they’re back in her arms, there’s little chance of her ever letting go again.

“Love has more than one form, Tim.”

He shudders in the middle of this weirdly emotional dog pile, and thinks. About Bruce and Dick’s pride when they successfully taught him something new. Of Jason’s reluctant smile when Tim first tugged him along to some joined patrol, sneakily edging him closer to the family with every interaction. Of Damian, who would often look down at his own hands (and Tim would honestly kill someone to know just which color the young boy had for Tim) and then at him, with something like hope in his green eyes.

He thinks… yeah. And this one…

(He gives up, closing his eyes and snuggling deeper into Kon’s chest, knees buckling but staying up thanks to his three rays of sunlight holding him in place between them.)

This one’s shape might just be his favorite.

[woahajimes]

He is imprisoned, here, alone. In the deserted empire of his own body. Between his blood and his muscles, his bones and his cartilage. In between his consciousness, that every day grows weaker. He hadn’t known this side of himself, yet he had been fully aware of such. He had known his bones, how they ached, been broken, hurt. He knew the name of every muscle in his body, he admired them in secret, some times more secret than others. But he had never known himself like this. He is trapped, after all, screaming. 

He can hear them, feel them. He even remembers their names, but not like he remembers his own name. He’s been repeating such, over and over. Dick Grayson, he knows. How could he ever forget?

He wants to greet them, to calm them. That had always been his job, another responsibility he felt. To wipe away the tears of others, to console them in times like these. He didn’t mind, he had always found it nicer to repress his feelings, making room to make better someone else’s. He wants to ask them to stay, to have just a little more patience. to wait until he wakes up. But he can’t, for he is held captive, here, in the house of horrors that once was his home. Alone. 

He wants to open his eyes, to sit up with a start, anything, to show that there still is life in him, to show that he’s awake, he hasn’t died yet. He wants to plead them to not leave him, to please stay with him.  As a kid, Bruce had always chastised him on patience. He was too impatient sometimes, just sometimes. 

“You must have patience,” he would say. 

It was funny now, how this time it was Dick asking Bruce to have patience.

He remembers it well, how to blink. How could he not? He had done it every day of his life, every hour, every minute, second, almost. It’s a simple enough movement. He also remembers how to smile, scrunch up his nose, frown. He knows he can. Yet every time he tries, fatigue and exhaustion wash over him. Exhaustion from what, he asks himself. He screams to himself. They can’t hear him, they never could. 

Then, almost immediately, he falls asleep. And when he wakes up, he knows he’s just one more fall-asleep closer to the time they give up on him. 

But he’s not always asleep, he’s not. He’s awake too, listening to them. batman had always taught him, trained him, on hearing. They’ve walked in, all of them. He didn’t know how many people would show up, but many did. Donna, Kory, Roy. Bruce, Jason, Babs. Damian, Tim, Garth. Wally. They had brought him flowers and cards, cards they read to him, as they stood by the foot of the bed. Some came at night, while everyone else was sleeping, others came during the day, while every one else was waiting. Some stayed for hours, until the doctors or nurse told them to leave, while others would stay for just a few minutes. Some spoke to him, others to themselves. 

Dick had been there, in this exact situation, many times before, yet on the other side of the situation. It was heartbreaking how many flowers he had bought, all for the wrong occasions. How many hands he’s held, for the reassurance of the worst ways. 

He hears them now, they’re talking to someone else. It’s the doctors, the nurses, their voices drip with pity. They’re telling how they’re doing everything they can, how they’re done everything they could. Dick believed them, too. The doctors and nurses couldn’t help him now. It’s him that hasn’t bothered to cooperate. He’s tried, but it’s not good enough. He’s scared to try now, in fear he might fall asleep. He doesn’t want to fall asleep. Yet he doesn’t understand why either he can’t move his eyelids, his fingers. God, it’s so simple. 

Dick hears the door slam open. A number of people walk in, run in. There’s a mix of voices. One is arguing how money isn’t an issue, it won’t be. Another is yelling insults at the doctors, another is doing the same, this time without profanities. Some are crying, weeping, still. 

Dick feels someone grab his hand. He recognizes who immediately. He feels the warmth of their hand, this time desperate and tight. As if clinging onto him, or the idea of him. The sparks, he feels, he’s not imagining them. Wally. He’s calling Dick’s name. He’s begging him, ad Dick feels even more useless than he has his whole time here. He’s trying now, trying so hard to open his eyes, to move his fingers, yet he’s failing so horribly. 

Now somebody is calling Wally’s name, and Wally’s hand feels as it’s torn from him, despite Dick’s hand being completely limp and useless. 

There are people crying. Lots of them. He doesn’t know who. He doesn’t want to know. 

The last thing Dick remembers, before involuntarily moving towards the blue tunnel, that so strange and dark, the one that seems so infinite, is that night. Dick had been having fun, he was laughing, falling. He had sworn that it wasn’t a race, it truly wasn’t. Bruce didn’t seem to believe him, but he jumped anyways. Dick was singing, he doesn’t remember what. Then Bruce shot the grappling hook, and Dick met him at the top of the building. He was balancing on the rim of the balcony. He was chuckling softly, he had just breathed in.  The gunshot. He remembers it now, clearly. He can practically hear it. 

Then, nothing. 

<33333 taglist: @bikoncon @catxsnow @hauntingsonofrobin @red-hood-redemption @thesporklecat @thesesickfics-justmakemesick @screennamealreadyused anddd i dont’ have my little list right now i think i forgot someone <3

[nightwingmyboi]

Dick Grayson and Temper

For whatever reason, Dick’s temper has become one of the main traits that people focus on when looking at Dick’s character. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, since he does have quite the temper, but since it has become one of those essential aspects of his personality for a lot of people, I just wanted to clarify a few things I think get misconstrued? 

Certain people take Dick having a temper and equate it with him having anger issues or thin skin. It’s bled into art, text posts, fics...where Dick is described/shown essentially as a petty asshole, someone who has a tendency to overreact and lash out at family and friends, someone who is whiny and always complaining (@bigskydreaming​ goes a little more into this perception here). I don’t think this is a fair interpretation of Dick’s character at all. There are two main things I feel like people need to keep in mind when thinking about Dick’s temper. 

1.) Dick’s infamous temper is, 9 times out of 10, directed at criminals. 

Nightwing (1996) #65

When Dick mentions struggling with his temper, he is almost always talking about the anger he feels towards criminals, not loved ones. When he sees people hurt or in danger, especially those closest to him, he gets pissed and can go too far. He often gets angry in defense of his family and those he protects. 

Titans Vol. 2 #29

Batman and Robin #12

In fact, one of the biggest examples of his temper is him beating the Joker to death, as a result of the Joker killing Jason and Tim. Like many heroes, Dick struggles with not crossing the line when faced with crime; this doesn’t mean that he is the same way with those he loves. 

2.) In most circumstances, Dick has demonstrated excellent control of his anger. So, Dick may have a bad temper...but it usually doesn’t make an appearance unless he is under an immense amount of pressure (and sometimes not even then). 

Injustice Gods Among Us #16

Dick’s not a doormat and he can be confrontational if that’s what is needed to get the job done, but he is also known for keeping a cool head under immense pressure and stress. He’s known in the superhero community for resolving conflict and has often been called “the glue” that keeps various teams together. That wouldn’t mesh with the idea that he is constantly losing his temper. In fact, his middle name might as well be de-escalation, because that’s pretty consistently what he does. Look at how he acts in various arguments: 

Example #1: While Nightwing is off-world with the Titans, Jason dies. Likely struggling with grief, Bruce doesn’t attempt to contact Dick while he is off world or when he returns. Dick is left to find out through a teammate, Danny Chase. Despite being left in the dark, Dick still goes to the cave to try to support Bruce. He puts his feelings to the side, and doesn’t even bring up the fact that he was hurt by Bruce’s exclusion. Unfortunately, the conversation derails regardless, and Bruce ends up hitting Dick and telling him that it was a mistake to invite Dick into his life. 

The New Teen Titans #55

Look at how Dick reacts. Even when Batman hits him and yells extremely harsh things at him, he doesn’t lash out in turn or yell back. He keeps calm and continues to talk to Batman; he likely understands that this is a product of Bruce’s grief and as a result allows his feelings/hurts to go unaddressed. 

Example #2 (inspired by @hood-ex​ post here): Garth loses his temper when he learns that the Titans won’t help him with a problem he’s having. When Robin tries to stop the fight, Garth punches him. 

Teen Titans (1966) #28

After he takes the hit, Dick continues to try to keep people from fighting, and in the end, Dick once again puts his bruised feelings to the side and doesn’t say a word of complaint to keep team unity. He still goes and helps Garth with his problem. 

Example #3: After Donna’s death, Dick was devastated. He spiraled into depression. In the aftermath, he was stricter and quicker to anger than he would normally be. Even his leadership of the Outsiders was effected, and as a result, Anissa, Black Lightning’s daughter, was seriously hurt. Black Lightning is not pleased; he slams Nightwing against a wall and yells at him. 

Outsiders (2003) #16

Even when Dick is emotionally compromised and short tempered, he still isn’t looking for a fight. He doesn’t retaliate when Black Lightning slams him against the wall, and he doesn’t interrupt when Pierce tears into him (for a whole page of the comic). It’s not like Pierce goes easy with his criticism; yet, Dick remains stoic and takes it. He doesn’t say a word of complaint or defense, and he doesn’t lash out. He keeps his temper under control. (Just an fyi for those wondering, but this is definitely one of those times Dick deserved a harsh talking to, lmao, support you Black Lightning!!)

Example #4: The Batfam is fighting a villain known as Mother, who is known for brainwashing people. Anyone could be in her control, so when Tim is acting suspiciously, Dick decides to investigate to ensure that Tim is not a double agent. Dick finds out that Tim secretly kept his family in a hidden location to protect them, and unintentionally brings trouble to their door. On the flip side, Tim gets angry at Dick for sneaking around behind his back and putting his family in danger. Though Dick tries to explain his actions, Tim won’t hear it and instead throws a punch. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #5

Even when Tim punches him out of the blue, ironically because he can’t control his temper, Dick just takes the hit and lets him walk away. He doesn’t ever push Tim for an apology, and Tim never gives one. The rest of the series, people give Dick crap for betraying Tim’s trust, and despite Dick’s reasonable concerns being the impetus for his actions, Dick accepts the other’s criticism without complaint. 

Examples #5-57: Just think of all the times that Damian insulted Dick and told him he couldn’t cut it and generally was acting like a little shit, when Dick was struggling with Batman’s death and with taking on the cowl and with running Bruce’s life, and Dick still never gave up on Damian and gave him Robin. Very patient, very thick skin. 

And I could add even more moments! I don’t mean to go overboard, but the idea is that, over pretty much his entire history, from Robin to Nightwing to Batman and back, there are more times that Dick puts his feelings to the side and lets people yell at him (and basically physically assault him RIP) for the greater good, then times he flies off the handle and loses his temper, especially when compared to other characters in the Batfam. Seeing people say that Dick is secretly an angry asshole when pushed a little or is always blowing things out of proportion and being whiny is just annoying, especially when Dick canonically has worked very hard to keep his cool and mediate in various tense situations, even when he has reason to get offended and retaliate. 

And this isn’t me saying that Dick can’t lash out, cause duh he’s a human being and he’s not perfect. He does have a temper and sometimes can say harsh things to those he loves. But, he doesn’t usually lose his cool, and when he does it is usually a surprise. The rarity of Nightwing giving into his temper is part of the reason it is so impactful when he does fly off the handle. 

A lot of the panels you see floating around about Dick’s temper are 1) from times he was brainwashed or mentally influenced (Dick yelling at Donna, Alfred, and Joey are all from a single time when he was brainwashed by Brotherblood for example), 2) from times he was in great emotional/mental distress from the deaths of those close to him, or 3) examples of times that Dick is standing up for himself, that I don’t really see as him having a temper? And a lot of those fights/arguments that are shown are not as one sided as tumblr makes them seem, lmao. Either way, most of these times aren’t really representative of his normal behavior or attitude.

In conclusion, Dick isn’t some petty jerk with anger management issues; he’s a human being, who sometimes gets angry and upset like every other human being in the world. He has a temper, but I don’t feel like it should define him in the way and to the extent that it currently does. 

P.S. This isn’t me trying to excuse the times that Dick has been nasty and let his temper run away from him, obviously. Like I said, he’s human and he’s made mistakes. But he doesn’t lash out normally or often. I’m just trying to put things in perspective. 

[peeterparkr]

burnt|dick grayson.

So here’s the highly requested part two for Still Burning. There will be part three. 

summary: dick and you used to date, but there are still feelings for each other 

part two

pairing: dick grayson x titan!reader

warnings: angsty, fluffy, swearing

word count: 3k

special thanks to @ymeradonnadx​ for helping me out with this. love you girl

read part one here

wanna be tagged on my dick grayson fics? 

Burnt. 

It’s funny how fire works. It spreads. It gives light, but it is never seen as something remotely good. It leaves ashes. And you were walking through them, trying to find the reason as to why someone a) had lit up a fire and b) had it put it out as quick. 

There can be lights that can be sparkled, but sometimes we prefer darkness over any kind of burning fire. It makes sense, to avoid it. In a certain way. 

Dick liked to avoid you, at least. And he had left just after making you feel everything with that stupid dance. And you felt like you were back at 17, nobody understood what had gotten into you. 

A dance. 

He blamed alcohol. You blamed him. 

But he had left. And this wasn’t the first time he’d left, it seemed to you any time you were getting remotely close to each other he’d turn and back away and leave, like when he had on your 21st birthday. 

And it stung like a memory you’d never forget. And it hurt, to think that maybe he felt the same way you did, but he did nothing but push you away. 

Every single day he’d keep pushing you, and pushing and pushing you away over and over again. With small things, like in the mornings where you’d try to say hello and he’d turn cold. How he talked to everyone in the room but you and how any time your eyes landed on him he’d turn stiff. 

You had talked one time. And you knew he wasn’t feeling well either. He had woken up at 3 am and he’d gone to the roof, but you were there, too. You loved being at the roof, staring at the stars. 

“Can’t sleep, huh?” He asked, he had two beers. Maybe he had known you were there, too. 

You shrugged as you took a sip of the beer. “Never been good at that.” 

He chuckled. “Yeah, I remember,” but he turned stiff. “Light sleepers, both of us.” 

“Yeah,” you turned to him. “What about you?” 

“A lot on my mind,” he admitted. “It’s just like I’m 22 again.” 

You shrugged. “Yet it comes to you again, the choice.” 

“Does it?” 

“I know my answer,” you shrugged. 

He sighed. “It wouldn’t work.” 

“What wouldn’t work? Talking about it?” You frowned. 

“Well, do you want to?” 

“I guess I miss the good things, you know? I miss Donna,” you admitted. 

“We were a good team, weren’t we?” He asked. 

“Yes, we’re not that good when we’re apart,” you chuckled. 

“Donna said she felt out sometimes,” Dick said. 

You grinned. “I mean, we were very annoying.” 

He chuckled. “We weren’t, we were...adorable,” he grinned. 

“From the moment we met, I mean, we were always in a rush and we enjoyed the silence,” you grinned. 

“We did, didn’t we? Always sneaking everywhere…” 

You smiled. “I’ve kept it a secret, too.” 

“You have?” 

“Yeah, no one deserves to know we’ve got the world record in loving each other,” you grinned and he blushed. 

“I remember everything,” he declared. “Our first kiss.” 

You took a sip. “You stole the batmobile that night.” 

He laughed. “I can’t believe I asked if I could kiss you, so proper.” 

You nudged him. “Those are pretty cheap, you know,” you gushed. 

“What? Kisses?” 

You winked at him. “Wouldn’t kill you to shut me up with one of those once in a while.” 

He smirked as he laughed. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I thought you were going to do it while we were dancing.” 

“Me? Please, only because you were begging me to do so.” 

“Would it be such a sin?” He laughed. 

You shrugged. “I mean, I felt young again, happy but I can’t really see the good things because then I remember everything that happened afterwards.” 

“Afterwards…?” 

You bit your lip. “I can’t let you hurt me again, Dick Grayson, when you broke my heart,” you scoffed. “Boy, you really got me.” 

He looked down. 

“It was days and days of crying, staring at the ceiling, wanting to find a reason why, I remember just not… Being clear, days were grey, and for me to say that about Gotham,” you chuckled dryly. “I was drowning.” 

He gulped. 

“No, I’m serious, I was such a mess, days were senseless, nights didn’t come and when they did, I couldn’t even go to sleep. No sun, no… nothing. What had I done wrong?” 

Dick bit his lip. “I’m really sorry.” 

“I got over you, don’t worry, Donna was there for me, every day,” you chuckled. “I’m at my best right now, ain’t it?” 

Dick looked down at his beer. “At least one of us did.” 

You coughed, nervously. “Well, why did you break up with me, then?” 

“I was protecting you,” he said. “Still am,” he admitted. “Did you listen to what you just told me?” 

“But I never said you hurt me before that-” 

“I… I realized stuff, alright?” 

You scoffed. “Fine you want to be dramatic and edgy and shit? Alright, go on  up that bullshit, but you know damn well that we were alright until you decided we weren’t. That whole you deserve better bullshit? C’mon Dick, you broke up with me for a reason and until I figure out what exactly-” You stood up. “We can’t really talk about anything.” 

“I had a reason.” 

“Really, what was it?” 

“Does it matter now?” He sighed. “We moved on.” 

“Did we, really?” You questioned him. You sighed. “Look, I can’t… I can’t really have this conversation right now, not when I-” 

“When you what?” 

“What happened that night?” You pushed. “What happened when we danced?” 

Dick gulped. “I… well, I don’t know we were drunk.” 

“Keep telling that to yourself, Richard, maybe you’ll end up believing it.” 

You hadn’t talked since. 

And somehow, it made you want him more, because it seemed challenging but it was tiring knowing that it was one sided. How could you ever still be in love with him when he clearly didn’t want anything to do anymore? 

But really, in this situation, Dick couldn’t be avoiding you. 

You had been...Patrolling. It calmed you, in a way. It was a thing you’d gotten from Gotham, you guessed, in such a mess there was nothing more but to join it and find calm on it. 

You liked watching from the rooftops, now far from Gotham. No city was as chaotic. But it seemed that wherever you and the Titans stepped in, trouble was found. 

You had heard it, and you were walking through the remains of a battle that had gone through your eyes. Who would burn a department store? 

You walked through the mannequins, as Dick followed behind you. You knew he’d be here too, you both had that annoying habit of listening to the police operation. Both of you could rely on it, detectives. 

“There’s no sense in burning the place down,” he commented. “Not the way it was done.”

“Spark a fire and leave? I’d heard that before, I’m not surprised,” you sassed as you stared at the ripped clothes on the floor. 

“So you think it’s normal?” 

“Probably some stupid teenagers, drunk, and having fun. Look at it, there’s no sense of greed or corruption, no violence, it’s a crime for sure…” 

“But not a passionate crime, yes, I…” Dick nodded. 

“There are no patterns, nothing, it seemed like some kids were only trying to spark a fire for fun,” you sentenced. “Always a fire.” 

Dick nodded. “I’ll get the reports made and then,” he gulped. “We’ll...Yeah.” 

He knew you loved speaking in between the lines.

And he was gone again. 

And he had been. And it got grudgier, somehow. He’d avoid you more and more, avoid the rooms you were in, pretend to not listen whenever you spoke. Dick was trying too hard to put out the spark he had caused in you. 

You’d find yourself trying to not wrap your head around it. Because he was getting colder, how can someone light a fire and be so cold. 

And you didn’t want to understand why he was acting that way, you didn’t even try to push it. You just ignored it, because this was him. This was him being the big dick he was, that’s who he is. 

But you knew he couldn’t help but be adorable. 

The city was in ruins, however, lights were out and you had to use candles, all around your place. But it was fine, you loved the candlelight, and you loved darkness. Maybe you’d learned that from Dick, to love the night. 

There were a lot of things you’d got from Dick. You’d be lying if you said he hadn’t marked your life. It showed, from the way you dressed to the way you’d patrol all nights. Dick was a part of you. 

Too bad he didn’t want to be part of it anymore. And the Titans had noticed, but they hadn’t really asked about it. 

Until Kory did. 

“How long will you both keep acting like children?” She asked, joining you in the kitchen, you had some candles lighting up the room, but you remained in your darkness. 

“What?” You faked ignorance. 

“Look, I am not really aware of your situation with him, but you ain’t fooling nobody, clearly there was something there and if you two were adults you’d talk it out and not do that shit.” 

“It’s complicated,” you admitted. “With Richard, honestly, everything is complicated.” 

“You think?” 

“Dick isn’t someone who stays, you know,” you said. “Dick likes danger, and he likes challenges.” 

Kory raised her eyebrow at you. “So what? You guys clearly have the hots for each other, hook up once and that’s it.” 

You looked away. “That would make it more difficult.” 

“So are there feelings involved?” 

You wrinkled your face. “A long time ago, maybe. Maybe there is just a slight spark there still.” 

“I’d know that it takes only a spark to cause a fire,” Kory scoffed. 

“I— Dick,” you sighed. “It was a mistake. It was one when we were young and it’s a mistake now.” 

“You love him, don’t you?” 

“Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people,” you sighed, looking down. “You can think you’re in love and then you realize, you’re only in pain.” 

Kory was watching you, analyzing what you were trying to say. 

“It sounds stupid, honestly,” you shrugged. “Him and I? He’s… pun intended kind of a dick sometimes, and I’m— I am crazy, ain’t I?” 

Kory chuckled dryly. “Aren’t we all?” 

“But with us, it was always a problem, either me giving too much or him not giving at all,” you bit your lip. “We were always so immature, and we ran out of excuses, you know?” 

“What went wrong?” 

“I don’t know,” you conceded. “I’d love to know. It was all so… spontaneous. Dick likes to take control and with us—neither of us could take control.He blamed Gotham, Batman, and he even blamed me, saying it was for the best.”

“He said that?” 

“I guess we're both so immature when it comes to each other.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” 

“I don’t know if we were in love, or something worse,” you sighed. “Whatever it was, we were meant to fall apart.”

“Do you miss him?” 

You took a deep breath. “I guess, a bit,” you confessed. “I can only wonder if he ever thinks about me and just like me, can’t get the thought out of his head, that not even a cold shower will soothe him, even if it’s—senseless you know? Even if he claimed our relationship was the biggest mistake, I want to know that it was the one mistake he doesn’t regret.” 

Kory stared at you with a side smile, she sighed. “Girl. I truly don’t know what to tell you.” 

“Everything’s been said before.” 

She shrugged. “I know only that you should cut the bullshit and go for it.” 

You scoffed. 

“I know something about him, he likes to take care of people,” Kory admitted. “He is always protecting you the most.”

“But that is bullshit, he said he broke up with me because he wanted to protect me,” you explained. “Where did that lead us?” 

“Tell him then, to cut the bullshit, he clearly has feelings for you.”

A door was opened and you heard a laugh coming from Rachel, probably. Dick, Gar and Rach had been out. Probably another way of Dick to avoid you. Kory just stared at you as they joined you in the kitchen. 

Dick didn’t even give you a glance. 

“Did they figure out what happened?” Asked Kory. 

“Teenagers were playing,” Dick explained. “Y/N—“he coughed.”she was right.” 

You watched him as he had turned around. “What happened, then?” 

“They were playing with candles.” 

You nodded. “Told you, accident, not a crime.” 

Dick didn’t even look at you. 

“Yeah, could’ve happened to anybody,” Rachel said, as she opened a bag of chips, Gar ran over to pop some into his mouth. “Even to us, like right now that we don’t have any lights, or that day you both were messing around with the candle and dancing.” 

You and Dick gave each other a glance. 

“What was that about huh?” Gar questioned. “I’ve never seen you that close, you guys even seemed like friends.” 

“Dick is friends with nobody,” you chuckled, playing it as cool as possible, but you felt like your stomach was burning up. “But—We used to be some sort of friends, weren’t we, Dickie?” 

He gulped. “Yeah.” 

“What happened? You barely talk now….” Rach pointed out. 

“And that’s a great way to put them on the spot, Rach, Gar, come on, let’s leave so they can talk it out, figure it out and then when they’re done I’m sure y/n will pay us the favor by telling us everything,” Kory said as she stood up, ushering Gar and Rachel to leave with her. Dick closed his eyes. “We’re leaving,” Kory announced. “You have the whole house to yourselves!” 

You chuckled, sightly. Just as he was about to leave the room as well, you called him out. “You can’t keep running from it, you know, Grayson, I’m not like all the other parts of your past.” 

He stopped by the doorframe. “I know that.” 

“Are we supposed to talk about it, though?” You asked as he turned around, finally seeing you. 

“About what? Explaining it  to them? I truly don’t want to change the dynamic here, it’s better if they don’t know,” Dick said. “For the sake of the group.” 

“They don’t have to know, you’re right. But don’t I deserve to know?” You asked, you blew a candle off and picked up the other one, standing up walking over to him. “Do you expect me to act normal when we clearly—still… have unresolved business here?”

He took a deep breath, walking away. “It’s in the past.” 

“Maybe, Grayson, maybe,” you crossed your arms. “But I… You can’t...You can’t keep hiding because you feel like you’re going to hurt others.” 

“Look what happened just as we… As the dance thing happened, you haven’t slept, I haven’t slept, it’s for our own sake.” Dick explained, heading to his room. 

“Oh my god, Dick, no, no, you can’t, I feel like I’m 21 again,” you finally raised your voice, stressed. “Do you see it? Don’t you see it?” 

“I…” 

“Get yourself on my shoes, you walk into my house give me a dozen roses, and then you left! You broke up with me! And… You had me wondering, what did I do wrong? I stayed up days, nights, gosh, Grayson, I couldn’t…And I was such a fool! Waiting for you to come back with another dozen roses to take me back.  I didn’t understand it, but you know what I do, now! It’s you! You are the problem!” 

Dick just watched you. “I was too dangerous-” 

“And so am I, we’re both… I’m not proud of things I’ve done, but that’s why we worked, and then you turned into this, whoever you are now!” 

Dick frowned. “And why are you still here?” 

“Because you brought me back to you, Dick, don’t you see it?” You sighed. “You asked me to come with you for a reason, and I came back to you for that same reason.” 

“Y/N.” 

“Dick, you left me there with a broken heart and excuses that you didn’t even understand!” You pushed. “And now you keep ignoring me-” 

And he did what you’d ask him before, he shut you up with a kiss. And it felt like the old times, and suddenly you forgot that you’d stay up each night wondering if he’d come back, you forgot how you’d stay still until the night would fall down on you. And all those lonely days had been erased. 

Because god, how long had you wanted this. And as he pushed you against the wall, and as he ran his hand through your hair, you almost let the candle fall down, but you pulled away. You saw his eyes eating you with lust as he was catching his breath. You blew the candle off as he kissed your neck, peppering you with kisses to your sweet spot on your collarbone. His fingers were tangling with your hair.

And he was coming closer, and closer. And everything was dark, but Dick and you know how to move in the darkness. And even if the candle wasn’t burning, you knew you both were. But, somehow, even if it felt right, burning down the ashes seems wrong. 

But you didn’t care, you needed to feel the sweat running down your body and you needed his lips covering you with tattoos. But there’s a part of you that wanted Dick to feel the way you’ve felt before. 

“Meet me in the bedroom, I’ll be there in five,” you whispered in his ear, and he leaves, eagerly. But you didn’t join him in the bedroom, you left the house, knowing damn well you’d get burnt if you play with fire.

read part one here

wanna be tagged on my dick grayson fics?

[starshipsofstarlord]

Hard Lives - Jason Todd x Reader

It was unfair. The whole team seemed to hold a grudge against Jason, for what reason you did not know. He was cocky and arrogant, but he was harmless, to the team at least. He needed more experience, or so Bruce said, but he wasn’t being given it. Dick wanted him and the rest of you teenagers to stay in the Titans base. But it was clear Jason didn’t want to.

You didn’t either, but you were obeying the adults to the best of your ability. If they wanted you to remain put, it was in your best interest to do so.

From the way they treated him he became distant, retreating into his own quarters and limiting his socialisation to talking to Gar.

Jason liked to train. He wanted to be the best Robin he could. You envied his skill, and here you currently were, watching him take out his frustrations in a stick battle with the green haired boy.

Bruce's adoptee appeared to be winning, throwing his stick to the back of Gar's legs so that he fell onto the mat. The vigilante smirked, offering the closest person he had to a friend a hand up.

Gar accepted, shaking it before coming towards the exit, where you were stationed.

"He's not that bad." He told you, suspicious of your hovering.

Perhaps he thought you wrote examining the flaws in Robin's agility, or noticing how he was almost too cocky and confident with his physical ability. But you weren't. If anything, you'd consider what you were doing as admiring.

"I'm not judging tiger." You smirked at the blush that crept upon the meta human's face, watching as he bowed his head and fled to the hallway.

You enjoyed having that affect upon people. You had learnt a lot from those who had raised you. Your mothers as they were known.

Green eyes darted to you. Jason had spotted you. "Don't you have a circus to run or some plants to grow?"

His voice hunted his irritance. He knew that you had been raised by Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, and he happened to hold it against you.

"Don't you have some blue eggs to squeeze out?" You retorted, coming away from the doorway and walking slowly towards Jason Todd.

"Funny." He simply remarked, not moving as you adventure closer. "What is the reason I am graced with your hilarious presence?"

The stick was still grasped in his left hand, since he had swapped it from his right when aiding Gar to his feet.

"Is it so hard to believe that I'm not here to taunt you or put you down like the others do?"

Hank was a criminal for it. He would purposely anger Jason, often ending in both a verbal and physical fight. You'd have thought that Hank, a grown man, would have more maturity than pick on a kid but apparently not.

Rachel made her occasional comments, whether that be away from his ears or not. Even if they were, Jason was well aware that she had a problem with him, even if it wasnt personal.

Kori never really had an opinion of him whatsoever. She had her own problems and it was visible that he was appreciative that she didn't consider him one of them.

Dawn kept her distance, but still stopped Hank from getting too into bullying the teenager. She was mature, not stupid. She was well aware of what Jason was capable of.

Dick always put him down. Telling him he could do and be better. It may have had the intention of being encouragement but it didn't work that way. It made his life even harder, reminding him that he wasn't the only Robin. Maybe he didn't want to be a copy of the Robin that Dick was. Just maybe he wanted to be his own version.

"Yes." He answered, tightening his grip whilst looking you in the eye the same way an enemy would.

It was stupid this whole ordeal was. Harley and Ivy stole you when you were a child from what you assumed to be a loving mother and hard working father. Yet Jason treated you as if it was your fault that you landed in their custody.

The others were nicer about the situation, possibly because you had distanced yourself from those villainous figures, and you were obedient. The same couldn't be said for Jason. He hated all of the rules that were set.

It was fine for him beforehand, when he had the full run of Wayne Manor. He could do whatever he wanted. But this was a base, a training facility that sheltered you all until you were ready to take on the real action.

"For all the time we have been here, I don't recall once doing such a thing." You smiled at him, but he only grimaced at the expression you put on your face. "Tell me if you do, refresh my memory if it's mistaken."

Jason couldn't hell himself, his eyes were trained to roll whenever you tried to be a smart ass. "Is it just a game to you? Why do you pretend to be so nice to me?"

It came blurting out of his mouth and he realised after. He had never voiced such a thing before.

"I don't pretend Jason." You told him, crossing your arms and looking down. "I've heard how hard your life was before Bruce, and I thought I'd cut you some slack. God knows that you need it."

He locked his lips nervously. He usually tried to present himself as proud and cocky, but it seemed that you had set off that switch in him.

"Do you maybe want to get out of here?" For all he knew, you would shove the offer back in his face or laugh at him for actually believing that you were joking all along. But you didn't. Instead you sent him a warm smile, one that you were clearly containing.

"And where do you have in mind?" You asked, knowing that you could trust him. You were a part of the same team, of course you could. If you couldn't have faith in one another, you couldn't have it in yourself.

...

Dick stopped Dawn when he saw her. This place, the past that came with it was a lot for them all to take in. But this was Titans Tower, a home for those who could do good with the bad in them.

"Have you seen Jason and (Y/N)?" Dawn wasnt the first person he had asked. He had yet to go around the rest of the tower, Gar had told him he saw you enter the training room just as he was leaving, but it was now empty.

"Maybe you should check the roof." She informed him. It wasnt meant to bring up their history, but when Dawn and Dick had been together, that had been their spot.

The sky was calming, even if it was under the influence of a storm. It was away from the world, and that was something they needed when being a hero.

He nodded at her, clambering up to where the roof was. And then he saw something he had never expected when he laid his feet on the very top surface.

You and Jason. It was a warm day, and the two of you barely noticed. The pair of you were curled into one another, with your eyes shut and your breathing calm.

This was how he wanted to see the two of you. Acting like teenagers instead of vigilantes in training.

The two of you had had such hard lives you deserved a break, and that was clearly what the two of you were having. Except you were sharing the time, seeing each other in a vulnerable state.

It made Dick feel old. He wasn't that old, but still, you kids were all growing up under their care, finding yourselves and each other.

...

You and Jason entered the dining space, together. Donna raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

Dick smirked at the Robin replacement, noticing how the boy kept stealing glances at you.

"I think you got a little burnt on the roof." Hank laughed at mostly Jason, which made him lower his head and shrink back into himself once again.

"He can't get burnt if he's already smoking hot." You defended him, leaning Hawk and everyone else at the table speechless.

Gar tried to stifle his laugh, but failed. For once he was happy to see you making someone other than him flustered.

And Jason was clearly flustered. His cheeks were glowing coral, and it wasn't due to the sun's beaming rays.

"You don't actually have a thing for him, do you?" Rachel attempted to joke, twirling her fork in her dominant hand.

"So what if I do?" You challenged her. The two of you got along, but you didn't appreciate anyone picking on Jason. It wasnt fair, they weren't even giving him a chance. "Perhaps you'd understand why if you stopped treating him like the shit on the bottom of your shoe."

"(Y/N)." Dick scolded you for your language but you ignored him.

You had let everyone's behaviour towards Jason slide for far too long. Today was the end of it, you'd ensure that. "No." You said to him. "None of you have even given him a chance, except for a few of us. You all look down at him or think of him as some rich spoilt boy. Maybe if you got to know him, or paid the littlest attention to detail, you would see how uncomfortable you all make him. He's human, like most of us in this room. He's done nothing but try and save our asses or follow Bruce's orders yet you still disregard him as the public does to us. Perhaps if you weren't such hypocrites, then you'd see the affect you are having on a teenage boy! "

There was nothing more you had to say, so you left, without eating or looking at Jason once more.

Dick tried to call you back, but instead you went to your room, where you hoped no one would bother you.

....

A fist lightly tapped your door. "I swear to god if it's you Rachel, I will got to the kitchen on a personal vendetta and grab that fork you were using and stab it into that stupid gem on your forehead."

But when you opened it you weren't met with Rachel. It was Jason.

"I hope you're not gonna stab me in the forehead." He sheepishly smiled, and you could only do the same. It was nice to hear him cracking the littlest of jokes.

You widened the entrance of your room, opening it so that he could enter. After he did, you shut it.

"Are you okay?" You were concerned. You knew the opinions of everyone in that room took a toll on him.

"I am after your explosive rant." He grabbed your hand. And then he frowned. "You must be hungry." He concluded.

"I'm fine." You assured him.

"Well we could always go out onto the streets and find some random food cart that serves overly expensive hot dogs." Jason still hadn't let go of your hand, and you didn't mind.

You let him see the warm smile again. "I'd like that." And you did.

[incoherentbabblings]

What are your favourite comics anyway?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay. Full disclaimer. We’re going for what comics I re-read over and over again. Are these comics...good? Eh. Are they bad? No, I don’t think so. Some were meh to wow! when first released that time has either been kinder or harsher to, but I don’t think I have a series or a run or a title which is I like which is like... hot guilty garbage. Though, of course, feel free to disagree. There are some authors on here which people will not want to touch with a barge pole, and I totally understand and encourage not touching them if you don’t want to.

Having said that, here are my favourite popcorn comics (largely Titans and Batfam because I am... basic): 

The Flash (2016) issues 39-45 + Annual #1

Having said that, Flash time first. People think Williamson is a real hit or miss writer and I do agree, but I think this whole arc is one big hit. It’s frantic in its energy, I love Gorilla Grodd as a villain, I love the modern Flashfam trying to help, I love how Wally coming in to help totally turns the tide and the mood. I love how everyone looks at Wally like… this guys is powerful, more powerful than any other speedster… but also noting there’s something very fragile about him. I didn’t include Flash War in this because I’m still waiting for the payoff for that angst regarding Wally, but this arc… mwah. Wallace Rudolph West being vindicated as the greatest Flash (whilst allowing Barry to be flawed and to lead his family)? Yes please. Also I love Carmine’s art. I gather it’s hit and miss for some folk but I love the line work. Also Carlos D’Anda’s issue (come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack draw Dick and Roy again your work has gotten so much cuter this past decade) is a beauty too. Big ol’ eyes.

 (Under the cut ‘cause this is LONG)

Batman Dark Victory

One of two Loeb stories for me. And yeah sure Long Halloween is objectively better but…jelly bean

Also, angry traumatised Dick smacking a dying man with a stick. What a legend.

Gates of Gotham

Cass! Damian! Dick!Bats! Tim! A mystery villain! World building for Gotham! Stuff exploding! Batfam banter! Trevor McCarthy art! This bizarre panel of Jim Gordon holding Tim’s hand like he’s checking the time?

It’s one of the last ‘pure’ Batman stories before the reboot – Bat Inc aside – so it’s how I like to read the Batfam’s relationship by the end of that universe. Everyone’s a lot more content, proud Dad Bruce, happy and settled Dick and Damian, Cassandra returning home, Tim chopping off the emo hair… it’s all good.

Grayson (particularly #5)

I know why people can’t stand it. The circumstances leading up to it are bog awful. Opinions on Tom King’s writing has only grown more spliced with time. The (sex) jokes are too on the nose and hit too close to home for many. The cheesecake art is too stilted for some. But! Issue #5 is my favourite single issue story. Ever. You never have thought boxes in this series, because everyone is lying, but you aren’t told when. You never know how genuine Dick is being at any given moment, until it is just him and the baby. I love how single-minded it allows him to be. I love how he flat out lies and manipulates to protect that little girl, whilst also caring for Helena. About how seriously he takes his job of protecting Bruce and his family (and that’s why he’s even doing the stupid spy thing in the first place). And maaaaybe it’s unrealistic that Dick could outlast Midnighter crossing the desert, but screw it. Bruce can be better than metahumans all the time. Let Dick get an issue to be so to. Saving a little girl who is probably going to grow up to be akin to Superwoman. Just because he’s given himself that responsibility. He’s going to double cross twenty groups at the same time and come out clean as a whistle. And he’ll cross a desert with a newborn to do it.

Light of my fricking life.

Infinite Crisis

I…I like that things go boom. John’s is very good for that. Also, the Nightwing and Batman moments howowheheheheheheeeeeeee. Almost wish Bruce had shot Alexander. I wonder what would have happened?

(Brief side note: Graphic Audio’s adaptation of this is great fun. I dropped a bowl of cereal at the part of Superboy Prime versus the Titans. Cassie’s scream when Pantha’s head got punched off was a bit…intense. The No Man’s Land one is very good too if you have cash to burn - the voice actors are the same in both and Nightwing’s voice actor has this lisp and I don’t know man... I love it. He’s now the voice in my head for Dick).

Titans/JLA and The Titans (1999) issues 1-25

The Titans are now known I think for not being a very proactive hero group. Books struggle with balancing team dynamics versus plot, and this one is no exception. I know people don’t want to touch Devin Grayson’s stuff with a barge pole. My justification for this is flimsy I accept that, however, the JLA/Titans comic was the very first comic I read when I was like six or seven. I was rummaging through my brother’s room as a nosy kid does and this was at the top of his pile. Thank god for the little info boxes as each Titan was captured/referenced. I fell in love with Kory, I fell in love with Dick, I fell in love with Donna (oh Donna…) and then I tumbled down a hole and pretended I hadn’t until about six years ago. So that’s nice. So yes, this one is one hundred percent nostalgia based. 

But honestly, Linkara did a retrospective on this event comic and series years ago, and his reasons for loving it are the same as mine really, so go watch those if you have like five hours to kill. When Devin leaves the comic remains strong for just a moment then... absolutely plummets off a cliff. So I really wouldn’t bother with the second half of the series but hey. You do you.

Teen Titans/Outsiders: The Insiders

More Geoff John’s explosions. My first comic that got bought for me. My brother walked in to the shop and said: “I need a comic for my sister where Starfire gets a good showing” and the men went… ah yes.

Eleven-year old me was like EXPLOSIONSSSSS but also was intrigued by Kory and Dick’s bedtime convos (perhaps…I was a bit under the age bracket for this book - Kory gets a good showing huh?) but uh. Anyway. Also this is when I was thoroughly enamoured with Roy. This crossover is typical Winnick and John’s angsty angst with overly poetic narration and tropey tropes which, combined with what came before and what was to come for the Outsiders, can make both series such a slog to get through, but in isolation, I think it’s a real fun crossover which gave everyone a bit of time to shine and some real fan-ficcy moments (very self-indulgent, and I love that in a comic).

Teen Titans: Year One

I love Amy Wolfram and I love Karl Kerschel. It’s a good intro to those five characters with cute stories. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Batman is demonstrably a major prick in this, even after de-brainwashing, so it’s obviously going with the ‘Dick is only half as functioning as he is thanks to Roy, Wally, Garth and Donna’, which I can get behind 100% depending on what story they are trying to tell, but it’s just… it’s still sad to read. I just think the art is brilliant at giving each of the five very clear characteristics just from their body language, and you know immediately what each character dynamic is like with another.

Batman Hush

The other Loeb story. Again, it has what I like in a Batman story. A mystery, the family, appearances of villains, flashbacks and brooding, fighting, Jim Lee’s Nightwing being hunky… Ahem. It’s a fun read I think. Also, I really like Loeb’s Bruce? I don’t think people talk about it much. But he’s really chatty in his own head. And he’s witty and dry and funny. I like that! Also, Babs is such a backbone of this story. I adore that. She’s treated well here, I think.

Black Mirror

I flipping love this arc. I love it. I love the two contrasting but deeply disturbing in different manner art styles, I love the mystery, I love Babs role in the story, I love Tim’s little appearances and the banter with Dick, I love the weird villains and the terrifying ones, and how you think one is one of the two only to be revealed to be the other or both. I love Dick’s investigation and how he goes about it differently to Bruce. I love Dick’s relationship with Jim, I love the flipping reference to the vultures and owls seemingly following Dick (a whole reboot before Snyder got to tell that story), I love the monologue about how James thinks Dick is weird and weak for his compassion and love, when really that’s his greatest strength, I love Jim wanting so hard to believe James is trying against Babs’s cynicism, but also does try to get an unbiased opinion of someone who is proven good at reading people (Dick) and does what he needs to when his son is actively harming people, I love that ambiguous ending and the questionable science, I even love the Joker’s one (1) scene with Dick. I love this line,

I love Snyder at his best. When he’s good…mwah. Great.

…And yeah. That’s my story.

[literaryspinster]

Oneshot: It’s Just Emotions Taking Me Over

I wrote a quick thing based on s3 news and the @dickkorysource february prompt, trust. Yes, I know it’s October, nobody’s perfect. Enjoy! Her scream is piercing, bone rattling, heartbreaking. He hears it from all the way across the lair. They infiltrated this old, retrofitted warehouse to find Jason, to bring him back to himself before it’s too late. But it may be too late for someone else now. The fear toxin is in her and there’s no telling what damage it can do if he can’t get to her in time. 

He forgets everything, forgets his number one mission, forgets about the others, and runs toward Kory’s intense screams as fast as he can. This is what he was afraid of the first time he realized her powers had left her. It never would have happened had they been intact. She could have blocked it. And although she’s still one of the best and cleverest fighters on the team, she wouldn’t hurt Jason. 

Kory, his kind, compassionate warrior, so convinced that Crane getting his hooks and his drugs into Jason wasn’t the boy’s fault. And now, she may die by his hand unless Dick can stop it. 

She’s on the ground by the time he gets to her. She’s alone, convulsing and writhing on the cold, concrete floor, seeing something that he can’t. Jason has fled, and Dick grits his teeth in anger at his wayward charge as he falls to Kory’s side. He understands nothing she says in her flailing, shrieking horror. The only word he recognizes is “Komand’r,” because she mutters it in her sleep enough for him to know that it’s a thing. Who or what Komand’r is, Kory hasn’t disclosed yet, all he knows is that the fear toxin has zeroed in on it bigtime. 

He moves closer, careful not to get hit. No such luck, the second Kory spots him in the corner of her eye, her fist lands solidly into his jaw. She jerks back from him and against the wall, yelling her mysterious alien language, her eyes frenzied and flooded with tears. He shakes off the hit as well as he can, and swallows hard, trying to keep a cool head in spite of his racing heart.

“Kory,” he says, too lowly to be heard through her anguished screams. And he starts again, inching forward, little by little, his hand creeping toward an escrima stick. But just then, before he can touch her, something happens that he hasn’t seen in months. The deep sea green of her eyes transforms into that beautiful but deadly neon glow, and her skin begins to crackle with light. He only has one move, and it needs to be perfect or she’ll turn him into a pile of ash.

“Dick, no!” Dawn’s voice bellows behind him, he knew it wouldn’t be long before the others caught up, but he pays no one any mind but Kory, grabbing her tight around her jerking shoulders. He expects her glowing skin to be painfully hot against him, but it isn’t, she just feels like Kory. The same woman he’s held and touched so many times before, but never for reasons of violence. 

The only difference now is that he can barely contain her desperate thrashing. No more hesitating, it has to be now.

“I’m so sorry,” Dick cries, then without another second of thought, he presses the end of his electrified weapon against the side of her neck. She’s abruptly silenced at the contact, her body and vocal cords seized by the blue voltage now coursing through her. And he hates it, he hates hurting her. Thankfully, it’s only a few more seconds before her fire subsides and her eyes go dim again. When it’s over, she looks up at his face with so much confusion, pain and fear in her eyes that his own begin to slightly mist over.

“Is Kory okay?” Connor says, worry for his friend shaking his voice. Dick looks up at his team, then back down at his girl before she goes limp in his arms, finally resting.

“She will be,” Dick says.

**** 

Back at Wayne manor, Kory lays in the infirmary, still sleeping off the trauma of the mission. It had been for nothing. Jason was still gone, and Kory had been through something he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy. He knows the sort of terrors one sees on Crane's toxin. He'd been the victim of it himself as a younger man. It can feel like dying over and over again, without the peace or absolution. Just the pain, and the dread, and the wishing like hell that it would end. So he sits with her, waiting for her to wake up to a face that she trusts. His chin is resting in his hand as he stares at her sleeping form. So he sits with her, waiting for her to wake up, his chin resting in his hand. There’s simply nothing else to do. If he falls asleep then it will be right here in this room.

“Hey,” Says Dawn, who’s appeared by his side with a cup of steaming coffee. “I thought this might make the waiting a little easier.”

He takes it and thanks her, and she takes the seat next to him.

“How did you know?” she asks after a long silence.

“Know what?”

“That touching her wouldn’t burn you?”

He thinks about it again. Her clothes never burn, her pink nail polish remains perfect on her fingernails, her jewelry doesn’t melt into liquid gold, the idea that there may have been some sort of protection around her that might apply to him when he touched her body was a flimsy one, but it was all he had to go on if he was going to save her life back there.

“I didn’t,” he admits. He takes a sip of his coffee, Black, with a single spoon of sugar to take the edge off, just how he likes it. But it does little to ease his mind.

“Hey,” Dawn says, a hand reaching his shoulder. “She’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just…”

“What?”

“It wasn’t just this one mission,” he says. “Something’s wrong and she won’t talk to me. Something’s been wrong for months.” 

Dawn nods in agreement. And they both watch Kory as she sleeps, her chest slowly rising and falling, her red curls cascading across the pillows.

“She’s really quite beautiful,” Dawn says, and he agrees without a second thought, making her chuckle.

“What?” he says, taking his eyes off of Kory and looking at Dawn, the amused smirk on her face.

“You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

“Dawn…” he says in frustration, looking away again, not wanting to have this talk even a little.

“What? I see the way you look at her, do you really think I don’t know? That the whole team doesn’t know?”

He scrubs a hand over his forehead. “It’s complicated.”

“No, I don’t think it’s complicated. I think it’s really, very simple.”

They’re quiet again. He won’t confirm Dawn’s suspicions, but he doesn’t deny them either. Because it is true, and it is simple. He’s had feelings for Kory as long as he’s known her, and they’re only getting stronger. And if she doesn’t talk to him about what’s going on he might just lose it.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Dawn says, those traces of humor at his expense still in her voice, and she goes.

Before long, in spite of the coffee, he begins to nod off. It’s been too long since he’s slept. He’s better now, isn’t he? At being a good leader, a good friend, a good… whatever he is to Kory. And yet, Jason is still gone, still fighting them at every chance, Rachel is still with Donna in Themyscira, helping her adjust to the trauma of death and resurrection, and Kory is still hiding something. For all of these reasons he hasn’t slept a full night in three months.

He only comes to again when Kory starts to stir and sigh, at that, he’s wide awake and standing to join her next to the bed.

“Hey,” he says in a soft voice.

“Hey,” she says back with a warm, sleepy simper. “What happened?”

“You had fear toxin in you, but it’s okay. You’re okay now.”

She nods, but then screws up her face as she recalls something. “Did you taze me Grayson?”

He cringes from the guilt, “I don’t want to lie to you.”

She lets out a little laugh, and he laughs too, relieved that she’s better, and that she doesn’t blame him.

 “Kory,” he says, serious now, gently touching her hair. “Remember a little after we first met, when you told me I was afraid to say who I was?”

She answers with a light nod.

“Well, I feel like these days, you’re afraid to talk about what’s going on with you. With your powers.”

“I haven’t been off my game,” she argues.

“No, you haven’t, that’s not what this is about. I’m just worried. That’s all.”

She leans a little into the hand still softly stroking her hair. “I’m not scared to talk about it.” She says, her voice cracking. “I’m sad.”

“What are you sad about?”

There is so much in her eyes that he can’t decipher, so much pain that he can’t truly feel. And maybe she doesn’t want him to. He’d hidden who he really was from everyone for so long, because he didn’t think they’d like what they saw. But Kory is different, she wants to protect all of them, not just herself. It’s as clear as day. But no matter what she tells him, or doesn’t tell him, she has to know that he’s right here. 

“I felt them come back, my powers,” she says, looking at her hand, she tenses a bit, as if trying to do it again, to no avail. “Because when I was drugged, there was nothing holding me back but fear. Fear is nothing compared to having them all come true at once. That’s what happened to me three months ago.”

As she continues to talk, to unburden herself, he listens, and holds her hand and thumbs away her tears. And maybe this is the first step towards her finally healing. He wishes so hard that she didn't have to go through what she did back there for it to happen, but they’re past that. All that matters now is the two of them figuring it out, together.

[middleinthenight21]

One by one

summary:   After the defeat of the Teen Titans, Raven agrees to lead the League of Shadows alongside Damian, but she must face her own fears and earn a place among the assassins. AU JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK: APOKOLIPS WAR SPOILERS

Rated M (Blood, intense violence, sexual themes and strong languague)

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to DC COMICS

PREFACE

The pain seemed like a steel stake that merged with her soul, penetrating her bones and wounding the blood vessels, touching the correct points and it would take a long time to rip it from her veins. Raven had suffered for whole days, it hurt so much that tears are not enough, although she knows that she must be strong, she cannot avoid being overwhelmed.

Conner looks up, his eyes that once were merry and rogue are now two empty sockets. The surviving Titans are gathered at the entrance to the island, away from the bloodshed, but their minds travel to painful places.

The cost of this war was high; it had taken Kory, Garfield, Wally, Roy, all her friends, her family. She no longer has the energy to speak, smile and wish for a better tomorrow; nothing would be the same anymore.

Her mind flies like a butterfly to Richard Grayson, her mentor and one of the best men she had ever known, he was one of the fallen. If he were here, he would know how to turn off the silence of death. He would guide them as always and take them away from the pain as he could. She wants to see him one last time and say goodbye accordingly, share even a moment with her friends, she would tell Kory that she was like a mother to her and she would never forget her, she represented a beacon of light in the dark, but she knows the immense love Kory had for Dick and she does not want to see the suffering on their faces when she finds out about the death of her partner. One of her parts thinks that perhaps it is better that both were dead, it avoided that they will mourn the death of the other, at least death is a simple thing and they could rest.

If there is something called heaven, she is sure that her friends would be there, they got the simple part. Raven knows that she will not go to heaven, it is not made for the daughters of demons, but she would be happy because somewhere they would be happy and reunited, although she would never see them again.

She wonders because of all of them she is who survived, she did not deserve it. Others think the same.

Donna hugs her knees, looks like a little girl holding on to a stuffed animal. Her hair is covered in a layer of dirt and debris, her uniform has cuts and her shoulder is hurt. A stab so deep that it reveals the bone, they had washed her, and Raven wanted to heal her, but she didn't let her. The young Amazon did not complain but Raven saw the pain on her face and the sweat like a film on her forehead, perhaps it is better to focus on physical suffering.

The rain creeps off the fire, nobody moves. Their bodies are wet, and it doesn't bother them, it's as if discomfort and cold are nothing.

What will they do now? They do not return to the tower for days, which before represented hope and dreams, where lonely young people found a home now it is a killing field. She had heard the story of Icarus. The young man who made wings, attached them to his back with wax and flew very close to the sun. His wings were melted by the temperature and he collapsed, his body crashed to the ground.

Perhaps they were like Icarus, their glory days were short, and the heroes had sealed their own tomb when they invaded Apokolips. Even if they managed to recover, the world would never be the same, it would never be the same.

''Your heroes were scum, a bunch of arrogant idiots, daughter. If I had freed myself...''

Turn off your voice.

How do you learn to live with the impossible? Raven would take the pain of her friends, keep it, and suffer in solitude, if they smiled back at her. Watching Jump City is painful, it reminds her of her first home, when she lost her mother in the blink of an eye and was forced to live with that mistake. She would lay down her life for Kory, offer her remaining strength and magic to win back her friends.

How would she go on? How is it possible to recover from this?

"I'll go back to Themiscyra." says Donna. Her voice is a whisper, and the rain hits her body forming rivers of dirty water. She doesn't know if there are tears running down her cheeks or it's just the rain. "I'm leaving tonight."

They don't say anything.

The news hits Raven, despite everything, she still thinks she can stay. She does not want to lose a friend as valuable as the Amazon, but she also knows that they have to leave. They cannot stay, the tower is destroyed, there is no reason to return, and at any moment the parademons can return. It pains her to think that something she has worked so hard for was dissolving in her hands.

"Go soon…." Conner sighs. The boy does not move, he is like a statue and his eyes remain focused on the fire of the bonfire being extinguished by the rain and the smoke, a curtain that is dividing his friends. "At least you'll be in a safe place, Donna." the Amazon doesn't say anything.

He watches her and, wonders what it's like to have a home. A place he could take refuge, arms outstretched to hug, familiar faces wishing for the best and healing. Conner does not have a family. He is the result of an experiment and he does not think that he considers Lex Luthor as his father and they did not know where Superman was. Raven lost her mother and dimension years ago. They have no place to go.

If her mother and Azarath were alive, she might run into her arms, hug Arella, and cry until her eyes were dry, exposing her feelings and emotions like never before.

''You were always strong, daughter. If there is someone who can recover from anything, it is you.'' Arella told her this when she broke her leg after falling from a tree and she had to resist the magical procedures of the monks. She still remembers how her mother had caressed her forehead. Wiping away the sweat, her grunts and complaints, how she placed a kiss on her forehead gently.

''You are trusting, too proud and arrogant.'' the older monk murmured when she escaped from the lessons and appeared for the exams, emerging victorious. Raven thought the monk hated her when she forced him to find her among the temples. He grumbled and growled, but she saw the fun in his emotions and had been some kind of grumpy grandfather. When Trigon razed the dimension, she only found a broken skull, it was the only thing left of the monk.

They had left her dealing with her mistakes, blaming herself for what she did as a child; feeling helpless in hell and fighting her father. The Titans were no different, her mind wonders what would have been had she escaped from Trigon after he attacked Superman, if he hadn't listened to them and traveled between dimensions, maybe the end result wouldn't hurt as much.

Her mother visits her at night.

In her dreams she is never angry at what she did. The monk still looks for her and scolds her when she runs through the squares, all the monks and the bright skies are there. Now she adds other burdens on her back, Dick's mischievous gaze, Kory's softness, Garfield's silly jokes, as Jaime loved competition and spoke with love about his younger sister.

Shit, she would miss them so much.

She had had a home and lost it, when she let her guard down and became fond again, they took it from her in the worst possible way.

Now one of her friends was leaving her.

Her insides ache and she thinks she can vomit right now. She feels the anxiety devouring her guts, the pain showing up and the idea of being alone terrifies her too much. She is afraid of being alone in a ghost town.

Jump City is her second Azarath.

In her native dimension there were no decomposed and dismembered bodies. The smell of blood did not rise, and no cries were heard from afar. There was only fire and ashes, and the voice of her father manipulating the situation, insisting that it is the best she has, now only the deaf suffering remains.

"I'll be going too." Raven gasps. Feeling the weight of loneliness and swallows hard. "I need to see if the Kent’s are okay." Conner looks up, as if expecting someone to appear in the clouds. "He would want it." he murmurs.

She looks down, her hair is wet, and a drop of rainwater descends from her head to her forehead, it is the only thing she perceives. Raven does not have a family, they do not expect her return on a protected island and there is no house in the middle of the field, there is no one waiting for her.

Everything she owned was taken from him.

Perhaps only death, loneliness and pain would be her faithful companions. She imagines herself wandering among the rubble, observing in first person what was left of the city that they protected for years, trying to find herself between the disaster and the tears. She doesn't want that.

What will become of her now?

When Damian shows up, he has civilian clothes, his hands are broken and there is a thick layer of mud that stains his clothes, his nails are a mixture of earth and blood. His face is neutral, and his eyes are hard, there is a grimace that has not left his face and she thinks it may be something permanent.

He stares spitefully at the Superman symbol on Conner's chest.

Titus follows, the Great Dane trotting alongside his companion. The formality and discipline that characterized the dog seemed attenuated, as if he knew that the situation was not good and he did not want to cause problems. She looks him in the eye, he sits next to her, does not give her second glances, there is a backpack on his back and reality hits her, like a slap.

''I'm the only thing you have, witch.''

She had barely seen Damian since the fall of the Teen Titans. He stood next to Dick's body, as if he couldn't believe it and the pain was a tsunami for a few moments, until he looked up straight at the sky. Raven had watched him harden, build a breastplate for himself, and she hasn't felt so much anger coming from the young man since he came to the Titans.

He did not let the wound in his torso heal, he treated it by himself without anesthesia and when the pain came he preferred to find out inside, she felt that she was losing him, that the person who visited her in her room in the afternoons, who drank tea in porcelain cups and worried about her safety more than anyone, was no longer here. Raven thought she had punctured his walls, that they could look each other in the eye untethered, but she knows she will no longer be able to knock him down.

Her soul is in pieces, but she prefers that he leave. That he leaves in silence because at least they would not have a farewell and she would not cry to see his back without looking back. Damian would hurt less to leave her behind, he's strong and would fight to earn a place in the world, and Raven would be left in the ruins with nothing to hold on to, there would be nothing that mattered to her. No one would cry for her.

''Even your friends are leaving you. I am the only thing you have.''

What a miserable life.

"I'm leaving." Damian declares. It was direct and cold, and Raven hopes it will be. "I leave in the morning. "

Of course.

"Good luck." Donna hugs her knees tighter. She hides her head and they can see how she trembles and is collapsing. They do nothing to comfort her and Titus is the only one sitting next to her, but he does not make any movement, he is simply there. "They'll be fine, right?" She says in a broken voice.

The sobs seem just as useless and sad as the rain. Raven thinks Donna is expressing herself for the group, as no one else had shed a single tear and they kept their pain to themselves. For a few minutes their heads are too helpless to provide encouragement.

Conner grimaces at the girl. She can feel the suffering tearing his soul, his mouth trembles in what looks like a pout and his eyes are red, threatening to shed tears, but before this happens, he puts on his glasses. One of the lenses is broken and it is not very protective or effective.

He puts on his glasses as if that will remind him of who he is, but it's more than that. He uses it so they don't see him cry.

Damian remains motionless, clenching his fists and frowning. She can see the thoughts going through his head, like a whirlpool and he doesn't let her see his emotions, he is a ghost that Raven cannot chase.

They are all ghosts that will disappear in a few hours.

***

When Donna leaves, she is silent. The girl had been crying for hours until she sighed and got up, when she managed to regain her composure, she did not look back or say goodbye, but takes off when the sun hides among the mountains.

It is as if the star knew what was happening, since it disappears on the horizon along with her friend.

Raven is left remembering the moments she shared with Donna, knowing that perhaps she will never see her again.

***

"Be well." Conner grimaces. He was about to leave as he was worried about the Kent’s. He hadn't shared much with the couple, but they were kind of parents to Superboy and he tried to keep in touch. She would like to tell him that the old couple are fine, however this is hardly possible, "We had some good years." he keeps his eyes on the stars.  "But I'm done."

Raven remains silent, clasping her hands in her lap and ducking her head. Conner is about to leave and cannot feel worse because she knows that she is staying alone. She wants to be angry with them for not considering her in their plans. Leaving her with a wound in her heart so big that she does not know how to cure the pain, but she is not like them.

She has no one and everyone needs to recover, at least until the suffering was bearable. Now they are sore, tired and want to be anywhere but here.

She's not going to blame Conner for leaving.

She wasn't going to blame them for leaving her behind.

"Will you take care of yourself?"

She raises her head in surprise at the question. Conner is looking at her through his glasses.

"I can take care of myself." But her inner strength is faltering.

Silence is a monster, he does not respond, but sighs while staring at the tower and a pout forms on his mouth, it is a trembling line "Send my good wishes to Damian." The Son of Batman disappeared with Titus after Donna left, giving the excuse that the animal wanted to eat and something inside Raven cut off at the thought that he might go. That it might be the last time she would see him. Conner's feet floated a few inches off the ground, and he looked at Raven. "Find me if you need anything ... "

She nodded.

Her hands trembled at the sides of her body, as if she had no control. It pained her to think that she was being left alone, her memory returning to the battle, to the place where she was before the world became a field of deaths and tormented souls. She thinks of Darkseid, he had inflicted more damage on them than he thought. He is probably sitting on a throne with death as his servant, millions of lives in his hands, mocking the stupidity of those who faced him, keeping them alive was a punishment.

It would have been better if she died… Dying is easy.

But her death is not easy, it would not come from anywhere and Raven always knew that she would have a long existence. Right now, she just thinks it would be better to die in battle, at least she would take Trigon with her and...

''Let me out, daughter. I can...''

"Goodbye, Rae."

Conner disappeared into the heavy clouds laden with the promise of a thunderstorm. The superhero is so dramatic that he chose to leave when the mist covers the destroyed shoreline of Jump City, when pieces of the buildings still fall to the ground and there is a concrete explosion, like a bomb.

Even the sky is sad.

Raven closes her eyes by burying her head in her hands, struggling with the situation, with the silence that is a being that tries to eat her. It is ironic to her as she described herself as someone silent, a friend of private spaces and that old comfort of when you contemplate a landscape, now her qualities are defects.

No one would save her.

She does not have her friends to sustain herself in the midst of pain and despair, there is only death and abandonment.

A lump is installed in her throat and she cannot get rid of it.

''You are weak, you filthy witch. You are just like your mother.''

''I love you to the moon and back.'' says his mother. Her mind goes back to that time when she escaped from a lesson only to chase that little cat who was stealing her lunch and the monks had scolded her. She thought she would be angry and would approve of her being punished, but she watched her with love and caressed her cheeks. ''I don't care if they tell you that you are proud, confident and highlight your flaws. You are my girl, my little bird.''

''You are the most hopeful heroine I have ever met.'' Dick smiled at her and the sun illuminated his features. A sweet softness wrapped around him as Kory joined them, the alien taking her hand. ''Don't go, stay with the Teen Titans.'' observed Dick. ''We can help you choose clothes, remodel your room and accompany you to buy those little ducks that go in the bathtub.''

None of them are here, they are just voices that would be lost over time. Raven doesn't want to forget, she has no right to recover from this.

It would have been better to die.

An arm wraps around her shoulder, she doesn't need her powers to know that it’s Damian and she finds herself burying her head in his chest, clutching her fists to his clothes, as if he is going to disappear. She doesn't want him to leave, Raven wants his heart to return, she thinks he would be better elsewhere. Her intentions were never to win with Damian, and she would give in if that implied the safety of this boy. She just wants him to be happy.

Damian lost his brother. They did not know what had happened to Batman and Gotham fell a few days ago. He has nothing.

He pressed down on her body and she could feel his jaw pressed to her head. If she lost him, she would keep this moment forever, she clinging to his arms and he wrapping his arms around her when the sky opens and reveals the stars. She wants to memorize his scent, his strength and he is a point in a story that she did not reach to be narrated; If she had been braver, she would have confessed her feelings to him before, but her life is not made for fairy tales. They are built on a darker premise.

Titus groans and rests his head on her shoulder, runs his tongue over her face and it is a relief. She will miss the animal.

What hero has a happy story?

In another reality he could be hers, or at least enter her life in a different way, even if he rejects her, she would still have him and that would be enough.

She feels his mouth open and close, not knowing what to say. She knows what he will say.

"Don't cover it with sugar, Damian."

He is silent. Raven looks up, still refusing to give up his arms and is looking into his eyes, her green eyes are looking directly at her and she can't believe that this is her end.

She would remember the green tone of his eyes, not compared to wet grass, to the water of a river, but to jade. Damian has grown in recent years; his jaw has become square and must be shaved to get a beard away from his face. His skin color has become more olive, his bones ached when he had a rapid growth and his body developed muscles in the areas closer to that of grown man.

He has changed.

"I'll go back to the League of Assassins." he frowns. "I have already spoken to Lady Shiva."

She thought it would hurt, but she couldn't imagine how much, and her fingers were loosening. Her knowing it was coming indirectly is one thing, hearing it from his lips makes it a reality and loneliness crushes her heart.

Donna is gone.

Conner disappeared into the clouds a few hours ago.

Damian was leaving her now, too.

She had to have seen the signs, maybe it was her bad judgment that convinced her that there was a remote chance that he would stay, but what for? He has nothing to fight for, they cannot remain in the tower forever.

"Oh." escapes her lips.

Suddenly she's walking away, and it may be the last time she sees him.

She wonders if Damian has no doubts. He left the League of Assassins for years and Batman does not approve of Ra's Al Ghul lifestyle, only the one he had intended for his son and instilled other values in him, he would not think well of Damian upon returning. Raven does not know what to think, the barrier could deepen between the two, the league is full of criminals. Maybe going back to the league is the only thing he had as insurance in his life, there is no Nightwing, Batman or the Teen Titans.

One part of her justifies it, but the other is terrified to discover what he could become.

"Everyone is leaving." she murmurs. She tries to keep her tone neutral, but it breaks like a tuned guitar string.

Where would she go? She doesn't have a home, can't even look at the tower without feeling devastated, overwhelmed with pain, and wouldn't be able to make it through the city on her own. Her empathic abilities would end up driving her insane, there's too much pain, the city is kindled by suffering and from a distance she distinguishes its colors.

Damian looks down and she sees the fight in his mind, she almost wants to pass a hand to smooth the wrinkle that forms between his brows.

She would miss that wrinkle.

"Come with me. "

What?

He watches her, there is a shyness sparkle in his eyes and if he had not been so close, he may not even hear it, his proposal is so fast in a thick tone that it would be confusing, but Raven heard it clearly.

She is stunned by the offer.

"Come with me. Lead the League of Assassins by my side." He was looking her in the eye now. His katana in its case, and him in a hoodie. He looks casual, as if he had never witnessed death and pain with his own eyes. "You can do it. You are a good fighter."

Hope was shining within her, Damian wanted them to go together, but she is not an assassin; she has nothing to claim among the ranks of the league.

She can't imagine leading an organization made up of assassins, but where would she go? She has nothing and nobody. She had heard that her mother had a sister, but Arella never spoke directly of her family, limiting herself to just Raven and she doubts very much that they would have survived. She doesn't want to say goodbye to Damian Wayne and watch him go off into the unknown.

Say Yes! A voice inside shouts, it’s optimistic marked by blind love and the promise of a tomorrow, perhaps not a better one, but it is still a more decent future than one of solitude and corpses. She is surprised at how idealistic she can be, even with everything that happened, she still dreamed of this boy, she still sighed because he was offering her a different life, one that would allow her to see him every day. You are not an assassin.

They are his people, not yours, a wicked voice warned her, it is like a snake poisoned with truth, more damaging than her father's words.

''Do you think you will write the tale of the witch and the assassin, idiot girl? '' Trigon scoffs. ''Don't make me laugh, daughter. You are weak, you have always been equal to your mother who believed in demons that fall in love with humans and golden futures.''

Do you want to play the queen of assassins so much?

Raven ducks her head, refusing to look him in the eye. Her mind was in conflict, she wanted to quench her father's teasing and her racing heart believing that he would not leave her alone. She wished for them to build a future together, but she also knows that the place where they would go is not idyllic; It is not a paradise.

"We can be secure." he offers as if it were the last resort. Damian's tone is soft, but it is mixed with doubt and silent resignation, as if he were realizing that she would say no. "It is one of the safest places on the planet."

She strokes his uniform cape, as if to remind herself that this is real, and he is still here.

They look at each other in the eyes. Damian's breathing is heavy, time freezes and she knows that this moment can define what would be of her life in what they had left, she could change it for better or worse.

The person in front of you. The future in front of you.

For the first time in three days she looks at the tower, it is destroyed, holes and cracks damage the T and she realizes that he cannot stay. She cannot bear the idea of being alone, she could not compose herself; she doesn't want to go through another hell where she only has Trigon as a company, him feeding on her pain and weakness. Her father would feel no empathy for her, even if she died, he would still worry about himself.

Maybe it would not be perfect, but it is a future, and she does not want to lose him.

"I'm going to go." She clears her throat. "I'll go with you to the League of Assassins."

Damian nods.

***

She hadn't expected the trip to be this long, but Damian insists it would be days. Nanda Parbat is a fortress in Tibet, she is trying to locate it on the map, and she is half a world away, so they must take a trip on a plane waiting for them outside Jump City. She does not distinguish the face of the pilot, as he is covered by a mask that only leaves his eyes exposed and bows when he sees Damian.

Raven had looked out the window at the decimated city. She has not packed, did not want to rescue anything that was her home, but found a jewel that had belonged to Starfire; she said that it was the only thing she could bring from Tamaran, it is a violet stone that catches sunlight and reminds her of her friend. It had been lying a few meters from her shattered body, as if in her last moments she had clung to the stone.

It breaks her heart when she sees the jewel.

Titus rests his head on her lap and yawns. She smiles at the animal and strokes its head; he had been a loyal and brave dog not to be disturbed when seeing the chaos that the world had become. His soft fur is like the fibers of a carpet and it is warm, like a stuffed animal. He reminds her of good things, laughs in the park, the pet store that always smelled of food, and a box of puppies they gave away in the city center.

The pilot barely looks at her. She is surprised by the technology of the plane, although it is small. Damian sits in the passenger seat, as if he were the one directing it, gives the pilot instructions in another language and the man nods.

When the plane takes off, Raven cannot take her eyes off the city. She feels bad for leaving the corpses of her friends and not giving them a decent burial and leaving. They deserved better.

Watching Jump City hurts, however, she can't look away either.

She wonders what Kory, Garfield, or any of her friends would think if they found out what she was doing, would they get mad? Perhaps they were reproving her from heaven, they look at her with furious eyes and they would have a bad opinion of her decision to follow Damian to lead an organization that the heroes disapprove of.

Jump City, the city where memories had been formed and would remain here, the destroyed tower is a point on the small island from afar, it seems like a fallacy that a few weeks ago she would have lived in that tower with other thoughts hanging around her head. She stretches out her hand on the glass when the plane is about to take off, her fingers touch the point where the destroyed tower is positioned and murmurs a silent prayer to Uxia, the spirit that guides souls to eternal rest and is the protector of the martyrs, to direct her fallen friends to a better place than she is heading for.

"Goodbye." she whispers.

She wants to see their faces for the last time, that they are in a place full of light. Because people as wonderful as them deserve the best, if this life did not offer it to them, then let it be in the next ones.

Feeling eyes on her, Damian is watching her from the passenger seat and there is a grimace on his face, he disappears in the blink of an eye and presses buttons and continues giving orders with a firm voice.

Titus falls asleep on her lap.

The plane takes off and for a few moments she swears that there is a figure flying around the tower, but by then the plane has already crossed the mountains and she is observing the ocean.

Raven presses the jewel that belonged to her friend against her chest, praying that she had not been wrong and blinded by feelings.

''You are weak. You are running away like your mother, but don't worry, daughter; you'll ruin it anyway. You always do it.''

 *** 

@ravenfan1242 Thank you ❤❤❤

The fanfiction will have ten parts

Inspired by Batman Beyond and Games of Thrones 

See you in two weeks! 

[pandoraimperatrix]

I’ll Take Care Of You, If You Ask Me To

@pcgasuss asked me for jealous Dick. I’m not very good writing about jealousy, but I tried.  

Summary:  Dick should have known that Kory and Bruce talking was not the best news to him.

1,7K | DickKory | Fluff | Read on AO3

The echo of Kory’s laugh grabbed Dick’s attention in midsentence. She was all the way across the room, actually not in the room at all, but you could see her, and Bruce, talking through the glass.

“Dick?”

“Hm?” He turned attention back to the boys slowly. Conner had his whole face frowned in confusion. It was hard to make Gar smile these days, but he had an amused glint in his eyes.

“Forget it, Con. He’s gone outer space now.”

Conner looked even more confused. Dick sighed and pretended he didn’t hear it.

“Anything else?” Dick asked dryly.

“Yeah, like you could even remember we were talking about.” Mocked Gar.

“Of course I remember.”

“What was it, then?”

“It was…” Kory laughed again, this time a little bit louder, Dick had to bite the insides of his cheeks to control the urge to just nap his head in her direction again.

“Exactly.” Said Gar very pleased with himself. “Come on Con, let’s play some videogames.”

“Only an hour, then bed. I want you both well rested tomorrow morning.”

“Sure, boss.”

“Goodnight, Dick.” Dick gave the boy a tight smile and nodded, Conner turned back to Gar. “Should we invite Hank and Rose?”

Gar answered something, but Dick didn’t listen as they walked away. He took a sip of his orange soda, wishing it was something stronger than sugar and watched them with the corner of his eyes. He couldn’t ignore the fact that both his surrogate father and his… Well, Kory wasn’t his to begin with, but they were both naturally flirty people. Kory was just too charming to her own good, no, scratch that, she was too charming for everyone’s around her own good. The charisma that Bruce so meticulously learned to perform, the same that he tried so hard to make Dick copy and never quite succeeded, Kory had it effortlessly. And Dick knew Bruce very well, there was no way he wouldn’t make any moves, even though the probabilities of him following through with them were quasi none. After all if Batman had something was work ethics. And yet… What was he saying that was so funny? A voice inside his head that sounded terrible like Donna was calling him a paranoid freak and explaining to him in painstaking detail how he had no claim for the feelings brewing in his chest. But it shut up in silent panic when he saw Kory touch Bruce’s arm. When Dick noticed he was already getting hit on the face by the cold wind as he reached the veranda.

“Hey.” Greeted Kory, the easy smile on her face not quite reaching her eyes.

“Nice of you to joying us, chum.”

“Chum?” Asked Kory in obvious delight. A little too much. She was not drinking orange soda.

Dick winced.

“Can you not call me that?”

“Why not?” Was that a little bit of genuine hurt that he was seeing on Bruce’s eyes?

“Because I’m not twelve anymore.”

“See what I was telling you, Miss Anders?”

Kory fell in a fit of giggles, and Bruce smiled fondly at her. Dick felt panic bubble inside him. He hated how Bruce would make him feel like a teenager ager just by being around.

“What? What is happening? What were you telling her?”

“About how adorable you were as a child.” Managed Kory holding on to Dick to keep straight. Her hand on his shoulder was cold. Dick frowned. It wasn’t like he spent hours and hours of what should have been sleep reliving every time she touched him but she never felt cold before, actually, she used to be almost feverish. “Nothing to feel ashamed of.”

“I can’t help but doubt it.”

“Don’t you trust me, Dick?” Asked Bruce prying Dick’s eyes from Kory’s.

“With my dignity? Not at all.”

“You hurt me, son.”

“What did you tell her, Bruce?”

“Oh, this and that.”

“Kory?”

“Oh, cool off. It was nice to hear about baby Dick Grayson. Even though by the stories you didn’t change very much.”

“What do you mean?”

“Bruce here was telling me about how seriously you took yourself, and that, what was her name? Selena?”

“Selina.” Corrected both men together.

“Yes, Selina, she was the best at making you lose it and act like a kid.”

“That’s because she was infuriating.” But when he looked at Bruce his face was softer and when he asked had a note of hopefulness. “Heard from her lately?”

Bruce straightened himself slightly, an act that would pass unnoticed to anyone, but that brought a tiny smile to Dick’s lips. So that explained the whole easy mood of lately.

“Yes, actually.” He cleaned his throat. “She has been around. But we were talking about you…”

“Around? How much around? Is she okay?”

“She is, yes.”

“And you both…?”

“What?”

“Come on, Bruce!”

Bruce just took a sip of his drink and pretended to look at something else far away. Kory just watched their back and forth like it was a very entertaining game.

“Did Jason meet her?”

Bruce sighed.

“Yes, they’ve met.”

“What? They didn’t get along?” Dick’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “They are so alike…”

“Maybe too much you could say.”

“Sorry to hear that, B.”

“It’s alright.”

Deciding to give Bruce a break, he turned back to the woman by his side.

“What else did he tell you, Kory?”

He tried to pretend he didn’t notice that her hand haven’t left his person, slipping from his shoulder to his arm, and that now she was making doodles with the tip of her fingers giving his tingles. Bruce also noticed, but besides making sure to let Dick know he did with an inquisitive look, he didn’t say anything about it.

“Well… He showed me picture too… of your first suit.”

“No…” His eyes widened in terror.

“The little short was so cute, Dick! And the booties. Adorable! I sent a picture to Rachel already.”

“You did not!”

“I did! My batteries died so I don’t know her reaction yet…” She pouted.

Horror spread over Dick’s face and he turned to his mentor.

“Why? Why do you have that with you?”

“To look at it, of course, since I so rarely get to actually see you these days. I carry it in my wallet.” Said Bruce proudly.

“You!” He pointed to Bruce. “And you Koriand’r, I thought you were my friend.”

“Such a drama queen.”

“I know.” Agreed Bruce, “and you believe he never even took acting lessons?”

“No. You two talking was a horrible idea.”

“Well, I thought it was loads of fun. But you, Dick Grayson. You have no such concept.” And to Dick’s complete shock she gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, Bruce. It was lovely to finally meet you.”

“Likewise, Miss Anders.”

“If I have to call you by your first name, you can just call me Kory too.”

“Very well. Goodnight, Kory.”

She just smiled before leaving, her hand lingering on Dick’s arm before she was completely gone.

“So…” Said Bruce when Kory was far-gone. “There is no chance you are coming back, then.”

“I can’t leave the Titans.”

“The Titans?” Bruce scoffed.  “Sure.”

“Why are you insinuating?”

“Me? Nothing. But well, I always thought that eventually you and Barbara would settle down, I can see now it will hardly happen.”

“Bruce… Me and Babs haven’t been a thing since high school.”

“I know… I know. But Kory is really a formidable woman. Take good care of her.”

“I’m not seeing Kory either, Bruce.”

“Whatever you say, chum. I’m also going to bed. Long trip back home tomorrow. Goodnight, son.”

“Bruce, I’m not-“

But the man completely ignored Dick, leaving him alone with his feelings and the cold air.

 Later, when Dick arrived at his room, he learnt that there was already someone occupying his bed.

“Kory? What are you doing here?”

She purred softly, he had to ask her about that one day. And opened one shiny green eye.

“Dick? Shit. I think I got rooms wrong.”

“Kory, are you okay?”

She sighed, trying to lift her body starting from her head, but no such luck.

“No… Not really. Can I… I mean. Just for sleep?”

He should say no. He really should say no and help her to her room.

“Yes. Sure.”

“Thanks.”

And she didn’t say anything else for so long he was sure she was asleep.

He washed himself and joined her in bed. As soon as he got under the covers, her static form gained movement and she turned to him, pushing her face against his chest. He felt a sense of familiarity and relief so strong, he wondered if it was like that when Hank took heroin.

“I’ve missed you.” He heard she whisper sleepy.

He leaned into her hair, letting himself inhale her scent.

“I miss you too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“So many things…”

Dick kissed the crown of her head, his fingers getting used to the new texture of her hair. It was so silky now, he missed the fluffiness from before.

“Me too.” He sighed. “Rest, Kory.”

He was sure she was sleeping when he heard she giggle softly.

“What is it?”

“Your dad is hot.”

“Oh my god, Kory.”

She giggled again and looked up to him.

“You are hotter.”

And then she kissed him. He held her impossibly close, and her hand felt warmer when she cupped his face, not hot as it used to be. But her lips didn’t taste the same either, the taste was somehow stronger, more intoxicating, and as he bite them softly they were even more thicker than he remember or fantasied about, her tongue even more talented.  But he forced himself to breathe before the kiss consumed them both. Kory was acting so weird. He couldn’t. Not like that.

He pulled away avoiding her seeking lips and kissed her forehead.

“Go to sleep Kory, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

She sighed and got more comfortable against him.

“Goodnight.”

--------------

Another fluffy piece. It’s my headcanon that the reason why Titans Bruce is like that is because he eloped with Selina and is living his best life lmao. Kory in this story is a bit OOC, I think she is so out of it because all her recent losses that she is trying so hard to feel anything else that’s why she is acting so weird. It was nice to write this one. I hope you enjoyed to read it too, and if you did, let me know.

Likes are awesome but if you want to support me please reblog <3

[malcyon]

That March Night

Summary: “You gonna call me that the whole time?”

Roy laughs lightly, “What? Jaybird? Don’t like it?”

Jason quickly shakes his head. “No, no, I . . . It’s fine. I like it.”

*****

Roy goes to the Wayne Manor to talk (yell) about Oliver to Dick. He doesn't expect to end up talking to Jason instead.

Read on AO3

___________________________________________

Roy ignores the sting of Gotham’s winter biting his nose as he walks up the front steps of the Wayne Manor, the snow crunching behind him as his cab drives away. He shivers and looks up.

Wayne Manor is nothing like home. It sits elegantly on top of a low hill, almost like a palace, unafraid of what the city only a couple of miles away could do to it. The Queen Mansion isn’t like that at all. Vast gardens and tall trees practically hide it from view, allowing a sense of secrecy. Roy used to spend hours following Oliver around in those trees, trying to line up the perfect shot with a toy bow and arrow as his mentor pretended not to notice him on the ground below and—

No, he’s not going to think about Ollie. Roy whips his gaze forward, jaw tightening.

The Manor is nothing like home, and he’s never been so thankful for that as he is now.

He climbs the steps and punches the ridiculously ornate doorbell with a freezing finger. Then he waits, breath frosting in the air, wishing he’d grabbed an actual jacket when he’d stormed out and zeta-beamed over.

How the hell could a city be so cold in fucking March?

One of the doors opens, and Alfred raises an eyebrow as Roy rushes in, leaving trails of mush behind him. “Sorry,” he manages, trying to rub some feeling back into his hands. The butler looks him over, taking in the rumpled sweatshirt, jeans, and snowy boots before shaking his head with something that isn’t quite exasperation but isn’t quite amusement either.

“Master Richard isn’t at the house at this time, Mr. Harper.”

Shit. Of course, the asshole isn’t here yet; it’s not like Dick promised he would be or anything when Roy had called only ten fucking minutes ago.

He’s about to mutter out some excuse to leave; maybe apologize for the slush on the carpet too, since Alfred lays a firm hand on his shoulder in the way that usually precedes a scolding. He tenses with the contact, but then the old man says, “However, perhaps you would like something to drink?”

Oh.

Roy doesn't know how to respond to that, can only nod as Alfred smiles at him with a fondness that he hasn’t seen from anyone in a while. The butler drops his hand and begins to lead the way to the kitchen, even though Roy’s been in the house plenty of times before to know exactly where it is. Roy follows cautiously, praying that he isn’t leaving a trail of snowy footprints in his wake.

After several seconds of silence, Alfred gives him a knowing side-eye, finally asking, “May I ask what brought you here tonight?”

Roy looks down at his muddy boots. “Just another stupid fight. Nothing new.”

Because there isn’t any point lying to Alfred; the man knows him too well by now. And it was a stupid fight: Oliver going on about recklessness when he’s hardly even there to see if Roy’s being an idiot. A fact that Roy was all too glad making known. And, like usual, it escalated, voices rising until he stomped out as Oliver yelled after him.

Calling Dick had been an impulse decision. Because usually he’d go to Donna, whine as she kissed his wounds before telling him that he was an idiot and to go fix his damn problems like an adult. Like any of their eighteen-year-old asses can be considered adults. Like any of them actually know what they're doing.

But he doesn’t want his girlfriend’s logic and sensibility. He wants to rant to somebody who can understand, and who else is better for that than Dick “Daddy Issues” Grayson. Dick, who’s been visiting the Manor daily while the Big Bad Bat is off-world on some mission.

Except Dick isn’t here.

Fantastic.

Alfred gives him a forlorn look, dragging Roy back into the present.

“Arguments can tear families apart, Mr. Harper. I’ve seen it happen here. I’d rather not see it happen to you.”

The way he says that makes something ache in Roy’s chest, so he glances away and mutters, “Do you know when Dick is gonna be back?”

The butler doesn’t seem ruffled by Roy’s callous change in topic, not that he's ruffled by much, and continues walking calmly. “He was out visiting Ms. Anders in New York, I believe.” Fuck, he’s going to be waiting forever if Dick is with Kory. “However, he said that he would be back tonight to spar with Master Jason.”

Roy nearly skips a step.

He hadn’t even thought about Jason being here. Not that it’s a bad thing it’s just . . . He hadn’t even thought about it.

They aren’t too close, had held mindless conversations whenever Dick had brought the Boy Wonder up to the Titans’ Tower, sparred together a few times. The kid’s talented definitely, but from what Roy’s seen, there’s a heaviness on Jason’s shoulders that the former Robin had never had. Something rough around the edges. Eyes little too sharp and hits that can land a little too hard. Hell, Dick had mentioned before that Jason tends to “use excessive force” on criminals and is less forgiving than any of Batman’s other partners.

But Roy likes him. Jason is smart, quick with puzzles and even quicker with words. And, despite the cocky attitude he puts on, there’s a shyness that appears whenever any of the Titans talks to him.

It’s kinda cute, really.

Alfred turns into the kitchen, and Roy lets himself stop in the doorway to soak up the warmth of the room. He closes his eyes and rests his head on the doorframe, hears Alfred shuffle through the cabinets. He takes in a shaky breath and the world fades away.

God, he’s tired.

He must have dozed off against the doorframe because it’s the sound of chopping that makes him blink back to life. Alfred is standing by the counter, a small pile of chocolate pieces collecting on his cutting board as he goes through a massive slab of the stuff. Roy starts, “Oh, you don’t have to—”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Harper. Hot chocolate is the best remedy for a cold night, and, besides, I was feeling rather chilly myself earlier.”

Roy’s throat tightens. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Please have a seat.”

He hesitates, then moves to the kitchen island and pulls out one of the stools from beneath it, sitting quietly. Alfred finishes cutting, puts the pieces into a double boiler on the stove, and cranks up the heat. Roy watches and tries not to fall asleep again as the scent of melting chocolate fills the air. Alfred hums from around the sink, and, screw it, Roy lets himself bury his head in his arms and shut his eyes.

The butler can shake him awake later.

Then he hears the sound of padded footsteps, followed by, “Hey, Alf, Bruce just called; he has some new information for you to put into—oh.” Roy turns around in his seat to see Jason, clad in flannel pajama pants and a Wonder Woman sweatshirt.

Roy’s mouth quirks with a smile.

Jason stares at him with big eyes, suddenly seeming very unsure and out of his depth. “Am I—uh, interrupting anything, or . . . ?”

Alfred shakes his head as he dries his hands with a dishtowel. “Not at all, Master Jason. What is it?”

Jason looks away from him, putting his hands in his pockets. Roy watches the kid bite his lip and shift his weight from foot to foot as if neither are comfortable to settle on. “Bruce has a couple of files on the Falcone case he wants you to sort through. But since you’re busy, I can take care of it.”

“There’s no need, I’ll do that if you finish with the hot chocolate here.” Roy isn't sure, but there’s almost a smugness to Alfred’s words.

Jason freezes, and his eyes flick to him—almost too quick for Roy to catch it—before going back to the old man. “I . . . Yeah, okay. The files are by the Computer, next to that stuff about Scarecrow’s new toxin.” Alfred dips his head and walks out, steps crisp on the hardwood, and Roy swears that he sees the tiniest curl of a smile on the butler’s lips.

Roy stares after him because he must have missed an inside joke or something—

Jason clears his throat, once again shifting on his feet as Roy’s eyes snap back to him. He tilts his head, brow furrowing. Was Jason that tall the last time Roy saw him? Jesus, the kid is already nearly Dick’s height, at this rate, he’ll probably be taller than Roy.

And bigger too. Jason is solid, certainly not as flexible or as fast as his adopted brother, but will make up for it in brute strength. It’s a little strange how similar the two look, but up close, the differences are obvious. Besides build, Jason is paler than Dick’s racially toned skin, making the blush on his cheeks stand out a hell of a lot more now that Roy’s noticing it. He frowns.

“You okay, kid? You seem a little flushed, don’t have a fever, do you?” He stands, walking over to Jason and pressing a hand to the boy’s forehead in concern, something Donna always does whenever somebody is feeling sick.

God, next he’ll be mother-henning over the kid.

But before he can move his hand away, Jason takes a quick step back, looking even pinker. “I’m fine, thanks. Just gonna grab the milk.” He darts past Roy, shoulders stiff. Roy blinks, but only shrugs and sits back down at the counter because okay then. Jason keeps his back to him as he pours the milk into the chocolate mixture, the tension in his body making Roy’s muscles ache.

The silence begins to tick by. Roy's fingers start to tap on the counter.

Should he talk? He feels like he should talk. Roy racks his brain, trying to remember anything Dick had said about the kid.

He mentioned getting books for Jason around Christmas, classic novels. Roy has never been a big fan of those, he prefers non-fiction and instruction manuals, facts. Like that stuff on engineering Ollie had given him for his birthday last year—

No, he can’t think about Oliver right now. He won’t. And he shoves those memories down, down, down, until he can pretend they never happened.

It takes a few seconds before Roy realizes that he’s been clenching his fist so hard his fingernails have left sharp, angry indents in his palm. He forces himself to lay his hands flat on the counter. Takes a breath.

Fuck, he needs a vacation from this shit.

He looks up, just as Jason turns around. The red is gone from his face, replaced with a relaxed focus as he walks from cabinet to cabinet, finding and throwing different spices into the pot. He doesn’t even need to stop and read the labels; just knows exactly what he’s doing. Roy watches, a little mesmerized by the surety of Jason’s movements. By the kid’s soft expression and the slight furrow of his brows as he concentrates.

Roy almost regrets it when he interrupts the other boy’s tranquility by asking, “Do you like to cook?”

Jason freezes, hand hovering over the hot chocolate, and, yeah, Roy should have kept his mouth closed going by the sudden nervousness on Jason’s face. Like Roy is going to make fun of him. Finally, the kid says, “Uh . . . Yeah, when I get the chance.”

Jason doesn’t continue, which should probably be Roy’s cue to just shut up, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to sit in awkward silence until Dick gets here.

“Why?” He’s honestly a bit curious. Jason doesn’t seem the type to spend time in the kitchen, and Dick sure as hell barely steps into one.

The kid stares at him cautiously, as if he’s waiting for Roy to insult him. Roy leans forward, propping his head up with a fist and putting an interested smile on his face. Jason looks away, tips of his ears pink. Slowly, he says, “We never had a lot of food when I was a kid, so . . . I don’t know, It’s nice getting to create something and then give it to other people to make them happy. Feels good.” Jason wrinkles his nose. “That sounds dumb.”

Roy chuckles and shakes his head. “It’s not dumb, it’s. . . It’s kinda cool, actually.”

Jason blinks, and then his face breaks into a smile. It’s a nice smile, one that Roy hasn’t seen before. “Plus, it’s funny to watch Dick try and help when all he can do is set water on fire.” He snickers and Jason cocks his head, brows coming together. “I have no idea when he’s gonna be back if you need to talk to him.”

Roy shrugs, suddenly not minding his friend’s absence as much. “He was with Kory last I heard,” he says, and Jason makes a face.

“You might be here for a while then.”

He snorts, and that nice smile appears on Jason’s lips again. “Yeah, they’re disgusting.”

Jason nods in agreement, then frowns. “What did you need to talk about anyway?” Roy freezes, reality dousing him like ice water. The kid stills, eyes darting down as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—“

“No, no, it’s okay. Not like it’s a big secret or anything,” Roy mutters, running a hand through his hair. Maybe he should grow it out; perhaps that would get Oliver’s attention. “Ollie and I had a fight, needed to rant about it to somebody.”

He looks up at the ceiling, feeling the familiar bitterness rise in his chest. God, maybe he should leave, go to Dinah’s place, fuck waiting for Dick—

“You can rant to me if you want.” Roy blinks, and Jason looks away, almost managing to shrug like he couldn’t care less. But there’s an honest sincerity when the kid murmurs, “I—uh—I know I’m not Dick or any of your other teammates, but I’ll listen. If you ever want to talk or anything . . .”

Roy goes still, gazing at the other boy silently.

He isn't the type to 'talk' about his feelings, and if he ever does, it's after downing copious amounts of alcohol.

The team knows that, knows not to bring up Oliver when Roy stomps into the tower eyes blazing. Knows to just let Donna speak to him before approaching. Knows, if Donna's not there, to let Dick or Wally or even Garth follow him into the gym and spar with him for hours just so he doesn't have to talk about it.

Even then, it took years for him to fully open up to the original team. And as of now, Roy would rather stew in anger than share his emotions with Kory or Raven or Vic or, God forbid, Gar. He knows it's not fair to keep himself so locked up when they've practically laid out their darkest secrets to the whole team, but he just can't do it. But now there's Jason.

Jason, who he hardly knows, with his too-big sweatshirt and clever mouth and, before he can think about it, Roy's talking.

“Well, then. Buckle up, Jaybird. You ready to talk shit about father figures?”

Jason stares at him for a second, long enough for Roy to start believing that he’ll back out, but then a smile creeps across his face. “You gonna call me that the whole time?”

Roy laughs lightly, “What? Jaybird? Don’t like it?”

Jason quickly shakes his head. “No, no, I . . . It’s fine. I like it.”

The kid takes two mugs from a cabinet and pours them both some hot chocolate. Roy watches curiously as he then grabs some whipped cream from the fridge, topping off the drinks along with a bit of cinnamon.

“So, Harper—“ Jason slides Roy a cup and rests his elbows on the kitchen island, leaning towards him. His eyes are either green or blue, Roy can’t figure out which—“let’s talk shit.”

Roy smiles and takes a sip from his mug. The chocolate and spices dance through his mouth, and he can feel himself relax for the first time in God knows how long. The glow of the kitchen seeps through his skin, and his throat tightens. This is what a home should be like.

Jason watches him, waiting patiently. Roy takes a breath and begins.

It starts with Oliver, his needling over Roy’s every mistake before taking off again for a meeting or a mission or anywhere where Roy can’t go. They don’t even talk that much anymore, not that they did before, but still. Roy must have messed up, did something wrong that made Oliver disappointed enough that he doesn’t want to be around him.

Saying that out loud stings, or maybe it burns, deep in his chest.

Because what did he do wrong? Dinah hasn’t said anything, but she’s been busy lately with the League, and he hasn’t gotten to actually see her in weeks. And Hal had popped in not too long ago, but the Green Lantern couldn't exactly hang around to go on patrol and listen to Roy's concerns. Still, Roy's sure that somebody would call him out if he had really fucked up. Not Oliver, but somebody.

Somebody has to care, right?

Jason is a good listener, doesn’t interrupt once, only watches him with eyes that get it. He lets Roy curse and ramble, and by the end, Roy’s shoulders feel lighter than air. He’s even grinning as Jason snorts at his impression of Oliver’s ‘You should so definitely be disappointed in yourself even though I did that exact same dumbass thing less than a minute ago’ speech.

He finishes with several obscene hand gestures that make Jason snicker and then slumps back into his seat, taking a deep sip from his mug. Jason hums from across the counter, rubbing at the dark circles under his eyes, and Roy frowns.

Being Oliver’s partner can suck sometimes, but at least he’s not Batman. Gotham is one fucked up piece of work, and it takes a certain kind of crazy to be able to live there and not go insane. Bruce has seen a lot of shit, everyone who picks up the mask has, but sometimes Roy can’t help but wonder what it was that made the man so hard on his sons.

The logical part of Roy’s brain reminds him that it's because he cares.

Dick would probably punch that part of him in the face.

And Bruce’s standards were high even when Dick was Robin. But Jason isn’t Dick, hell, Roy can see that, and he hardly knows the kid. And even he’s noticing how Jason is fraying at the edges; how sometimes his smiles don’t seem to reach his eyes.

Maybe Roy isn’t the only one who needs to be asked if he’s okay.

He opens his mouth to do just that, but Jason interrupts him with an easy grin and says, “So, besides yelling at Oliver, what else do you like to do?”

The question Roy’s about to ask is pushed aside, and he blinks in surprise, trying to come up with an answer. “Uh. I’ve been working on these designs for some new trick arrows, they—”

Jason glances up from where he’d been tracing mindless patterns on the counter. There’s a spark of curiosity in his teal eyes, and whatever Roy was saying turns to puffs of smoke in his brain. “You create that stuff? Like, you build weapons and shit?” He nods, a little taken aback because nobody’s really asked him about this before. Jason grins at him, wide and beaming. “That is so cool.”

Roy shrugs, attempting to ignore the heat spreading across the back of his neck. He rubs at it, trying and failing to look away from the genuine interest on Jason’s face. “Yeah, uh, I like making stuff. I’m working on this sonic arrow right now, trying to mimic Dinah’s scream. But I can’t quite get the sound waves to resonate from the shaft the right way and—“

It’s obvious that the kid doesn’t wholly understand what Roy is talking about. Still, he interrupts to ask questions and actually seems interested in what Roy’s saying. Not just nodding and zoning out like most people do, and seriously why Dick doesn’t hang out with Jason more instead of sulking around the Tower.

Sulking might be a bit too harsh, but still.

Jason has just finished muttering about Bruce’s stupid double standards on saying names in the field when Roy’s phone rings in his pocket. He pulls it out and flashes the screen to Jason, who only rolls his eyes when he sees the caller. Roy hits accept and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Okay, I know I’ve left you hanging at the Manor for over ten minutes, but—”

“Twenty-five, actually.”

“But I’m going to be there in twenty so—”

“So, you’ve actually left me here for forty-five minutes.”

There are several seconds of silence as Dick goes quiet. Jason raises his brows, and Roy shrugs in response, an amused grin spreading across his face. Dick sighs, low and nearly annoyed. “Kory and I had a fight.”

The grin slides away, and Roy straightens up. “Again? Shit, man.”

“Yeah. ” he trails off then continues, “You tell me about Oliver and I tell you about this? I know where the key to Bruce’s liquor cabinet is; we can get drunk.”

Roy hesitates. He isn’t angry anymore, just . . . Happy might not be the right word, but with the taste of chocolate on his tongue and the sight of Jason playing with the strings of his Wonder Woman sweatshirt in front of him . . . It’s the only thing that explains the weird warmth in his chest. Plus, getting wasted to deal with Oliver's shitty parenting skills won't be worth the hangover in the morning. He shrugs even though Dick can't see him.

“Actually, I’ve been talking to Jason about it.”

The other boy’s head shoots up, eyes wide, and Roy hears Dick from the other end go, “Jason?”

He smiles and flicks a piece of leftover chocolate at the kid, who scrunches up his nose in response. “Yeah, he and Alfred made some hot chocolate too, if you want. Probably the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” Jason rubs the back of his head at that, cheeks turning pink.

There’s a small laugh from over the phone. “They . . . Yeah, that sounds really nice, actually.”

“Alright, see you in twenty.”

“See you.” Roy hangs up, tucks his phone in his back pocket as Jason rubs his thumb self-consciously on the counter. Neither of them say anything for a moment, an almost comfortable silence settling between them.

Jason looks down at his socks.

“Do you think . . .” His voice grows quiet, and Roy sets his hot chocolate on the island, a bad feeling growing in his stomach at the kid’s tone. Jason doesn’t continue; only keeps staring at his feet.

Roy’s fingers begin to tap against the counter anxiously.

"Yeah, Jaybird?”

Jason looks up at the nickname, that ever-present blush appearing on his cheeks again. It takes more willpower than Roy wants to admit to focus on what the boy says next instead of staring at his eyes.

“Do you think that Bruce will . . . make me quit being Robin?”

Roy blinks.

The fuck?

“I’m sorry, what? Why the hell would he do that?” Jason winces, and Roy immediately quiets and clenches his fists instead. He tries his best to push the initial what the fuck tone out of his voice as he continues lowly, “Jay, where did that thought come from?”

Jason swallows, shoulders hunching like he wants to disappear into the floorboards. “Forget it. It’s nothing.”

“Fuck that.” Roy walks around the island and leans against the wall opposite of Jason, eyes beginning to flash. “What made you think he’d do that?” The kid doesn’t answer, and Roy’s gaze narrows. “Did Bruce say something? I swear to God, he was such an asshole with the whole falling out thing with Dick I wouldn’t be surprised if he—”

“He doesn’t trust me! The guy fell, I didn't—”

Jason stops, his outburst echoing on the kitchen walls.

Roy stills and his brow furrows in confusion. Jason is looking down again, his face is pale like he’s about to collapse. Roy takes a step forward. “Jay?”

The other boy doesn’t move; only takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I know that I fuck up sometimes, alright. I know that. I know that Bruce doesn’t trust me like he trusted Dick, and that’s okay, I get it.”  

No, it is most certainly not okay.

“And he was already always fuckin' telling me, ‘I expect more from you,' and ‘Don’t hit that hard, Robin,’ and I’m trying and he doesn’t care, because I won’t ever be good enough for him. And I know that. But I never thought—” Roy’s mouth goes very dry as he notices that Jason is actually shaking, trying to keep it together. He's about to reach out when Jason takes a quick breath and continues, “Never thought that he’d think I would—”

The kid cuts himself off again, turning away and biting his thumb. Roy moves on instinct to put a hand on his shoulder, make Jason face him. It takes everything to not punch the wall behind him when he finally fully sees Jason's expression.

He looks broken. Gaze darting over Roy's face and muscles rigid as stone, palm pressed against his mouth like he's trying to hold in the words.

Roy rests both of his hands on Jason’s shoulders and squeezes him gently. “What happened, Jay?”

Jason stares up at him, eyes desperate. “You have to believe me, Roy. You have to. I—There was this dealer the other night, okay? B and I had been tracking him for a while and, shit, we even walked in on him hurting this girl. Kept bringing him to the cops, but they didn’t do anything. Said there wasn’t enough evidence or some kind of bullshit like that.

“So I—I went to his apartment,” Jason whispers, teeth grinding together. “Was hopin’ to find something on him while Bruce was busy with the police. And I saw him, just—drinking liquor on his damn balcony like he hadn’t done anything wrong. And I was so angry, but, Roy, I wouldn’t—The guy fell, I . . .” Jason stops, breaks out of Roy’s gentle grip and presses his lips firmly together.

“Jaybird, Jason, I believe you,” Roy tells him softly. “I believe you, I swear.”

Jason shakes his head sourly. “Bruce doesn’t. He thinks I pushed—” He shuts his eyes tightly—“I wouldn’t. I told him that. I told him, but he benched me. He actually thinks that I—”

Roy is moving before he can even think about it, pulling Jason against his chest and letting the boy rest his forehead against the crook of Roy’s shoulder. Jason isn’t even crying, just shaking, still holding his hand up to his mouth as Roy murmurs into his hair, “Hey, hey. I got you, okay? I got you.”

Jason grips his sweatshirt, breathes against Roy’s neck. “I haven’t told Dick. I don’t want him to look at me like . . . Like Bruce did. Don’t want to disappoint him too.”

Something inside Roy breaks, and he pulls away, makes sure that Jason is looking him in the eyes. “Hey, you are not a disappointment.”

Jason laughs, weak and bitter, “That’s bullshit, and you know it, Harper.” His eyes suddenly spark, and Roy almost takes a step back. “Besides, what the fuck do you know? You’re a damn Titan, you’re not . . .”

A suffocating silence fills the room, heavy and rotten.

The back of Roy's throat burns when he manages, “What do I know? You’ve been listening to me for the past half hour, right?”

Jason freezes, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I—Shit, man, I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

“Jason.” The kid looks up at him, face flushed and eyes red. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I . . .”

“Hey.” Roy places his hands back on the kid’s shoulders. “I said it’s okay, didn’t I?” Jason stares at him for a moment before hesitantly nodding.  

Roy drops his hands and hops up on to one of the bar stools, leaning over to grab his mug across the island. He takes a deep swig like he’s drinking vodka instead of hot cocoa, and runs through the words in his head.

Jason watches him incredulously. Roy sighs.

“Alright, I’m only saying this once, so pay attention.” He holds up a finger. “Bruce is an asshole. He’s an asshole who thinks he’s always right and who would probably rather dive off of the Wayne Tower instead of talk about his feelings. He’s also an asshole who loves you.” Jason snorts, and Roy shakes his head. “No, I'm serious. You’re his son; even if you think you’re just a replacement for Dick, you’re his son, Jay.”

“But Dick is—”

“You’re not Dick.”

That shuts the kid up, makes him blink up at Roy like he isn’t seeing him quite right. Roy shrugs, feeling a little self-conscious under Jason’s stare. “Well, you’re not. You’re nothing like him, and that’s completely fine. Great even.” Roy thinks of Dick’s ever-charming smile and his ability to sweep anyone off their feet in a matter of seconds. He shakes his head. “Honestly, the world only needs one Dick Grayson anyway.”

He grins, sliding off the stool to ruffle Jason’s hair. “Besides, I think you’re pretty awesome. And the rest of the team does, too. You’re smart and good in a fight. You even helped us solve that Zandia case the other day; we would have been stuck for hours if you hadn’t worked on that. Those people would be dead right now if you weren’t there, Jaybird."

He nudges Jason with his arm, eyes crinkling with a smile. “So what if you disappoint Bruce? You’ve got us now. And if the others don't want you, then, hell, I do. So there,” Roy finishes, beaming broadly while Jason stares at him, mouth parted and eyes round. That blush is back, going all the way up to the kid’s ears and making the blue-green of his irises stand out even more.

After several seconds of silence, Roy cocks his head uncertainly. “You . . . uh, good there, Jay?”

Jason starts, shaking his head like he’s clearing out cobwebs. “Um . . . Yeah, yeah, sorry. I just wasn’t expecting . . . that.”

Roy laughs, rubbing the back of his neck while shrugging awkwardly. God, he’s not good with emotions. “Hey, any of the others would have said the same.”

"No, they wouldn’t, but . . . Thank you, for that, it . . .” Jason's voice tapers off and he's still staring at Roy as if he'd just found the answer to an extremely complicated case.

Roy shrugs again. “Hey, you just listened to me rant about Oliver for the last half hour, the least I can do is—”

He isn’t expecting it.

Isn’t expecting Jason to step forward, one of his hands curling into the fabric of Roy’s sweatshirt while the other cups his cheek. Isn’t expecting him to hesitate just for a second, eyes darting from Roy’s wide stare to his lips before leaning in. Isn’t expecting Jason to press his mouth against his, kissing him in a way that’s gentle and warm and surprisingly soft.

He certainly isn’t expecting himself to kiss back.

His hands bunch into Jason’s dumb Wonder Woman shirt, drawing him closer. The other boy’s mouth parts with a gasp and a shiver and Roy can taste the cinnamon at the corners of Jason’s lips. He instinctively reaches up to grip black curls and Jason isn't that bad of a kisser, uncertain, maybe, but he's getting the hang of it; letting Roy take control and tilting his head just the right way so that Roy can—

Jason moves forwards, making Roy stumble back into the kitchen island, Jason falling against his chest. And Jason laughs into him, quiet and breathless, before crushing their mouths together. The boy rests his arms over Roy's shoulders, fingers tangling in his hair as Roy smooths his palms along Jason’s waist, feeling him shudder again under his touch.

He brushes his tongue against Jason’s mouth, and Jason opens for him immediately; the taste of hot chocolate becoming strong enough that Roy is sure he could get drunk off of it alone. Jason makes another noise, something between a sigh and a moan and—

—And he’s kissing Dick’s little brother. Dick’s fifteen-year-old brother. Dick, who is going to be here any second and will actually kill him if he sees this. Unless Bruce beats him to it. And Donna, fuck, how could he forget about Donna.

Roy isn’t sure if reality hits him or Jason first.

He lets go of the kid and stumbles a half-step away, heart stopping in horror as his actions catch up to him. As Jason jumps back into the wall behind him like Roy is on fire. As a sudden silence fills the air, settling heavily onto his shoulders until it feels like it's crushing him. They stare at each other, panting, and Roy hates the part of him that notices that Jason’s mouth is red and wet and that he’s flushed head to toe.

Jason brings his fingers to his lips, touching them like what had just happened had been in a dream, and he has to make sure it was real. “I . . . We . . . Shit, I didn’t think . . .”

His voice trails off, and Roy swallows numbly. He feels like the ground is shifting under his feet as he prepares for the most awkward talk in his life about why they can’t ever do or mention this again. “Jason—”

“Hey, Roy, you here?”

Dick’s voice explodes through the tense quiet like a bomb, and Roy whips around, brain trying to come up with anything to say. Desperately he looks behind him, to beg through eye contact to not say something that could give them away, but . . . Jason is gone.

Like he had never even been there in the first place.

Fuck.

Roy is still staring blankly when Dick enters the room, shrugging off his winter coat. “Hey, I know you said that Alfred and Jay made some hot chocolate, but I grabbed the key for Bruce’s cabinet anyway because I can’t be completely sober when I tell you what—” Dick stops, voice turning concerned when he sees the look on Roy’s face. “You okay, man?”

Roy opens his mouth. Closes it. The taste of hot chocolate and cinnamon turns to ash in his mouth. Alcohol sounds really, really good all of a sudden.

He smiles, his chest feeling like someone had scraped out an important part of him with a knife. “I’m fine, just really need to be drunk when I tell you about this bullshit Ollie said to me.”

Dick makes an understanding noise, wrapping an arm around Roy’s shoulders as he leads them out of the kitchen. Away from the gentle lights and the smell of chocolate and the way Jason’s lips had felt against his, soft and warm.

He touches his fingertips to his mouth. Dick looks at him. “Roy, really, you seem kind of out of it, are you sure—”

“I’m fine, honest.” He risks a glance back, wondering if he could maybe catch a glimpse of Jason in his Wonder Woman sweatshirt, eyes tired and broken and hopeful. “Just thinking.”

Dick laughs, “Well, don’t do too much of that tonight.”

Roy forces another grin, still feeling the ghost of Jason’s lips tracing his mouth.

“When do I ever?”

[gothamhell]

Questions

AO3 Link

Dick Grayson, age 12, was staring in absolute shock and horror at Nightwing, his future self. Really, most of the (young, oh so young) Teen Titans were, the older versions of themselves not even phased in the slightest. If anything, a couple of them were trying to hold back laughter at the reactions of their younger selves.

“What?” Nightwing asked, arching an eyebrow under his domino, “What did I say?”

“You just dropped an F-Bomb!” Younger Dick (Still-Robin Dick) said, throwing his hands up in the air as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You dropped an F-Bomb in our base! In front of us kids!”

“Oh. Whoops.”

“Whoops?! Now I know you can’t be me! I’d never drop an F-Bomb! Speedy might--”

“Hey!”

“But never me!”

“Listen kiddo,” Roy, No-Longer-Speedy Roy, stepped forward with a placating hand gesture, “Things change. We’re all adults now--”

“Even if some of us don’t always act like it...” Donna chimed in.

“We’ve all done our fair share of swearing. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where some of us have swear jars at the various team bases.”

“Like the one we have with Ollie?” Speedy asked quietly, cautiously. He still hadn’t quite put away his bow, still nocked with an arrow.  Roy stiffened, but didn’t otherwise react negatively. Not while the kids were there.

“Yeah,” He said, his voice a bit more dry than it had been before, “Like with him.”

“Shouldn’t we be more worried about that fact that we’re currently talking to our future selves,” Aqualad asked, earning a supportive nod from his older self, “Especially since none of them-- Us? Seem to remember it?”

“We’ll get to that in a sec, Garth,” Younger Wally assured, “But first, I gotta know: How cool is the future?”

“We can’t ask questions about the future!” Wondergirl berated her teammate, “It could destroy it! Although, I am wondering: Do we ever get a boyfriend?”

Okay, this was going from bad to worse way too quickly. Nightwing exchanged a serious look with his younger self (an action that made his sentimental heart ache) and they stepped away from the others, who were trying to keep the peace amongst themselves with varying degrees of success. They accessed the main computer, Nightwing easily bypassing Bruce’s security as Robin watched with wide eyes. Dick realized it’d be about a year before he could do that, probably.

“Alright, sent the signal to the Batcave,” Nightwing said, “Hopefully we can get things under control before the timeline gets thoroughly... Messed up.”

“You were gonna drop another F-Bomb, weren’t you?”

“Habit. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Robin said quietly, adding with a whisper, “Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I swear too. I don’t even put money in the jar. Of course, nobody’s around, usually, but still, I do it.”

Dick knew that. He really had be swearing since he was nine, mostly to make the kids that came to the circus laugh and think he was cool and mature, but he toned it down after becoming Robin. He was a role-model, a hero, and he had taken it very seriously. As he got older, though, well, it was much more cathartic to drop a nasty string of curses after stubbing his toe than saying something like “Holy Wooden Tables, that sure did hurt! Golly gee gosh!”.

“So...” Robin began, twisting around in one of the other rolling chairs, “You really don’t remember coming to the past?”

“Nope,” Nightwing replied, fiddling with the battery pack for his escrima sticks, “Probably one of those time masters or whatever wiped our memories of it. Or, your memories, I guess. God, I hate time travel.”

“So, I could ask you questions? And it wouldn’t disrupt the time-stream?”

Nightwing blinked. That was a fair point. He could literally say anything to his younger self, anything, and it would be okay. He used to have a whole list of things he wanted to say, but at that moment, he couldn’t think of any of them.

“Yeah,” Nightwing said after swallowing nothing, “I guess you could. Ask away, boy wonder.”

“The Titans. I know we-- You were working together when you got pulled to the past, but... Do the Teen Titans--”

“Split up?” Nightwing finished, and Robin, brave, lonely Robin, nodded. Nightwing sighed. “Yeah, we... We do. Sorta. The original team splits up, most of us to go on our paths, find our own way. We keep in touch, though. Sorta. It’s been hectic.”

“Oh.” Robin’s voice was quiet, and Dick understood why. For a long time, aside from Batman (and even then, rarely him), he really felt like he only had the Titans. Sure, he had friends at school, but none of them knew about Robin, about being a hero, and the Teen Titans, well... They knew Robin and Dick Grayson, not just one or the other. 

Hearing that he’s gonna lose that... It would’ve devastated him, and it wasn’t even the worst thing that was going to happen to him.

“Do we still work with Bruce?” Robin finally asked, his voice stronger, determined to get through all the questions in his head. Nightwing let out a soft laugh.

“Sometimes. We mostly deal with our city,  Blüdhaven--” Nightwing barely held back a laugh when Robin made a face. “Hey! It’s not that bad. Better than Hub City.”

“Yeah, I guess... But, why did we leave Gotham? Why did we leave Batman and Robin and become Nightwing?”

“That’s... Complicated.”

“Then make it not be.”

Nightwing sat back in his chair and sighed. He wasn’t sure he could uncomplicate it, even years later, but he had to try. For Robin. For the young boy he used to be.

“We... Bruce tried, is trying, his best to be our parent and Batman, but he’s not very good at it. Half the time he’s distant, half the time he’s smothering us, and it only got worse as we got older. We had to get away, learn to be our own person, our own hero. Without Batman.”

“And without the Titans?”

“I... Yeah,” Nightwing said quietly, the half-lie tasted bitter on his tongue, “And without the Titans.”

“... We didn’t want to split up, did we?”

“Yes. No. Both? We-- We knew we had to. We were all getting older, we couldn’t be the Teen Titans anymore, but at the same time...”

“Yeah.” Robin said quietly. “I get it.”

In that moment, more than anything, Dick wanted to look his younger self in the eye and tell him that it was going to suck. That the Rogues and The Antithesis wasn’t the only major problems he was going to come across, that sometimes, even in a room full of people who loved him, he was going to feel so, so alone. He wanted to tell him about Jason and Tim and the new Titans. He wanted to tell him about how life was going to throw everything it had at him until it got hard to even get out of bed sometimes, but that he had to keep going, because people depend on him, hero and civilian alike. 

But he didn’t. He didn’t have to. Dick knew that Robin knew all that already. He had always known, in some small way. It didn’t make it any easier to face, though.

“Hey bird-brains!” Older Roy’s voice cut through the heavy atmosphere, “Batman’s here! Says he and Rip Hunter are gonna help us get home, c’mon!”

Nightwing and Robin looked at each other, and they both smiled in understanding.

“Make sure you pay the swear jar before you leave.” Robin said, getting up to rejoin the others, and Nightwing couldn’t help but laugh, even as he fished the five-dollar bill out of his hidden pocket.