#when before she was utterly alone emotionally

[mizulekitten]

I love the Case of the Two Dead Dragons ep for a lot of reasons, but the scene where they're talking to Twitchy Richie, like when they first start to mess with him is just so... perfect. Like the way Charles steps up and says "Ooh, try it, mate," his crossed arms coming down. And in the following scene when it shows just Richie & Crystal it's like "What's he going to do omg."

Except Crystal tilts her head with the stupid lighter in her face and it's Edwin that goes "Don't mind if I do." And Charles just looks so enamored and Crystal and Edwin are both so pleased with themselves.

I don't know. It's just the way they're working in tandem with each other for once. Not just with one another, but exactly in step. Crystal knew, without a word, that they'd play along. Edwin could've just let Charles do his thing, especially after what he said, after knowing they kissed (even if they broke things off right after). But it's like... Crystal is a part of their team now. He may not be super close to her yet, but they're both bitches /pos that of course this is the moment they fall in step. It's a shared trait that they were using to hurt and annoy each other, but now it's a bonding moment, a crossing of that divide between them.

So of course Charles lets them have their little moment and is so happy to do so. Whether it's queerplatonic or romantic, this is his best mate for 30 years and his new best friend. He knows they'd get along in their own way if they got through it. And here they are.

Perfect sync, not just Charles and Edwin, but Charles, Edwin, and Crystal.

[melodic-haze]

HIIIII, I NEED MORE SUB ARLECCHINO CONTENT PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU 😭😭

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Arlecchino x dom!Reader pt. 3

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Dacryphilia, squirting, other than that it's soft sex 🤷‍♀️

☆ — NOTES: THANK YOUBFOR GIVING ME ANOTHER REASON TO WRITE HER LOLLLLL

☆ — PARTS: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (you are here)

Saur I've raved on about ROUGH sex Arlecchino but yk what's special? Soft sex with Arlecchino

This woman's been through HELL in her life. Even if she was already "cold and unfeeling", she describes herself, there's only so much a person like that can take before she reaches a breaking point. Really, she definitely already has, the poor girl

She's shut herself off from anyone that isn't in her inner circle, and even THEN they still find it hard to get her to open up

But like. They're not you so 😜

I feel like as much as she is all for it rough, she's actually much more hesitant to recieve a gentler touch. Kindness and love in any form is smth she isn't used to—aside from her children, the one figure that supplied her with that is dead with her past. Being with you was already enough of a stretch, now you want to show her how much you care for her? It's.. scary, like a sudden blackout as a child

Reassure her that it'll all be okay, please. Tell her that you'll take care of her properly and that she can let go of the walls she's built around herself this whole time to defend herself. Give her an easy out if she genuinely isn't ready for such a different form of an emotionally-charge exchange. When she's ready, she'll give you a wordless nod before tugging at your clothes

You take it slow with her by hugging her at first, letting her settle down like you're lulling a scared, hurt predator back into safety. Your hands slowly and carefully wander around her body as your lips press soft kisses on pale skin, with the exposed areas increasing as you take your time in taking her clothes off

She reciprocates in action, though her hands often still on your skin, lightly squeezing you as if there's a chance that you might fade away and this has been nothing but a delusion of hers. Take one of her hands in yours and press a kiss on her palm as you reassure her that you are right here and you aren't leaving her and that you are going to show her how much you love her to the point where she doesn't even know what to do w herself :(

As you take your time undressing each other, you lead her to the bed and sit her down on the edge by kissing her and pushing her down, and you feel her hum as she tries to settle her breathing. She lets you take the lead, not just because she gives you all the power over her behind closed doors but because she's in unfamiliar territory—hell, even when I said she needs it HARD to actually feel it, just the soft, caring gestures you're making is enough to make her shiver in need for you

Neither of you knew just how much of an effect it would have on her, but it's VERY clear when it's as it somehow her sensitivity had gone up quite a few levels from the way she's practically whimpering at you whenever you praise her for being so good for you.....that you're going to take such good care of her.......that you won't ever leave her alone..........

You kiss every inch of her body, leaving marks here and there against gorgeous pale skin. You mark her up from top to bottom, switching back and forth between branding her as safely yours and kissing her dumb and drinking her in. You practically sing praises and words of reassurance to this broken example of a person, telling her that you're going to give her so much pleasure and so much care that she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

By the time you finally press your fingers and rub on where the Harbinger needed you most? She's so utterly wet despite the lack of impact and roughness to your minstrations. And when you finally sink your fingers in within her, as if locking the both of you together, you hear a sob that leads you to look up in worry, thinking you've done something wrong.

..But if you did, then she could easily push you away, right?

When you finally see her face, her glossy eyes, her tears that slowly run down from her perfect face, you find your answer with that beautiful feeling of arousal rising within you at the sight.

She isn't mad at you, you hadn't done anything wrong. If anything, she's begging you to move within her.

"Please," she says as her blackened hands reach down to grab yours in an effort to insert you even deeper, her hips grinding on your palm, "I need you, I..."

She needs you.

Needing someone isn't an easy thing for the 'cold and unfeeling Father' to admit, and yet here she was.

And who were you, to refuse your lover's needs?

It's a tender exchange, one that's entirely new to your relationship. At first glance at her in a normal setting, perhaps even at a time before you two were together, and you wouldn't even think that she'd be crying underneath you at how good you make her feel, sobbing out heavy proclamations of love and clinging to you as you take your time in bringing her to her pleasure

Usually the pain you would inflict on her would've dulled out any other external pain she would've been experiencing—emotional pain, pain from the curse she bears—and yet for some reason it's as if you were guarding her from all of it, nullifying the effects they have on her and protecting her in your hold despite the obvious power gap between you

It takes her a while to cum. Not because it's hard for her to do so (it may actually be the easiest it's ever felt), but because not only does she want to savour this feeling of being taken care of for once, she's also waiting for your command. And when you do, it's as if a dam broke within her

She cums so fucking hard you wouldn't even have thought that you were going at it softly, though really maybe this was what she needed the entire time. And it probably didn't help that you dragged this on for such a long time too. All that pent-up release finally gets let out and she practically screams at the overwhelming feeling, with you helping her ride her high

Her legs shake, her thighs are involuntarily bucking up and she glitches violently for a brief moment that you can't help but feel slightly worried (you laugh about it later, much to her expense) but then you feel something warm squirt out of her. You look down and see it as she goes to claw the sheets—you couldn't help but smile.......and maybe indulge yourself a little

Your hand speeds up its minstrations, even as she comes down, and she look at you with slightly wide eyes as she basically starts up all over again. You just want one more from her, surely your pretty baby can do that, right? All for you?

Doesn't take long for her to squirt again, the corners of your eyes creasing with undisguised wonder and unfiltered love for her as she cums herself silly until no energy is left in her body. Hell, with the show she practically put out, it's not a surprise when you realise that you came with her

As you two settle down and you both lie on the bed, all wet and sweaty (though you can't bring yourself to care right now, why you have Arlecchino breathing heavily beside you), she wants so badly to return the favour. But you tell her that her enjoying the moment was all you needed. You both just lay there wordlessly after, perhaps even tangling your limbs together and kissing each other tenderly and showing how much you love each other

Arlecchino is a powerful woman in the end, much more powerful than you despite the reversed dynamic you have with each other, so it doesn't take long before she regains her stamina. She tells you to stay there (though you don't really have the energy to get up anyway) before she goes off to run the bath and bring back a glass of water for you. She treats you less like a cold and unfeeling woman and more of a warm and caring lover, utterly devoted to you, as she brings you to the tub and places you in front of her to clean you up and service you in any way, shape or form you want

It's really funny when it's you who fucked her silly and yet YOU'RE the one getting pampered, but she wouldn't have it any other way

And when you finally get out and get ready to sleep? When she hugs you, clings to you in your rest, you know full well that she has never been more devoted, more reassured, more loved than when she's with you

She's not alone and unloved anymore. You've made sure of that.

[codenamesazanka]

Story has this tendency to add more suffering after the initial horror backstory, as a way to delve deeper into Hero Society/the world:

Shigaraki didn't just have a deadly quirk and was never saved by Heroes - his dad abused him and his family enabled this and then he killed his entire family and was ignored by dozens of bystanders before being picked up by a Villain who gives him his family's severed hands to fuck with him. Then it turns out even his birth was plotted by AFO.

Twice wasn't just a criminal who suffered a traumatic break. He was an orphaned 16-year-old who was kicked out onto the streets and turned to using his quirk for comfort, before falling into crime.

Spinner wasn't just called some names and got bullied and became a hikikomori. He got sprayed with pesticides for daring to walk outside, and admits that he was ready to completely give up.

Toga didn't just had to go to quirk counseling and repress herself. Her parents emotionally abused her and quirk counseling truly was to stuff her into a neat, 'normal' box and even when she was unconsciously biting her wrist hard enough to bleed in her sleep, no one did anything.

Touya wasn't just neglected by his dad and went villains for revenge. He was cornered to the point of a mental breakdown, before being alone when he nearly burned to death, was in a coma for three years, escaped from a shady AFO-ran orphanages, came home to see Enji still beating up Shouto, then became a street kid for the next 8 years.

AFO and OFA wasn't just two siblings with quirks living through a time of chaos where people quirks were considered subhuman. They were born to a homeless woman who died, and so they becoming orphaned trash river rat babies who lived on the streets their whole lives.

Scissors-kun wasn't just tied up and locked away in his own home by his parents. His family and multiple relatives were all involved in the abuse and cover-up, in which he was locked in a basement for years and they even sew his mouth shut (implied because he cried too much), before being purposefully abandoned when the town was evacuated due to it turning into a war zone.

From his latest interview, Horikoshi apparently writes things because he wants his story to be interesting and evoke strong emotions in readers. Fair enough. I think he chooses these absolutely awful backstories as a way to make his villains understandable and sympathetic - so we can clearly understand their anger and pain and know why they would seek out destruction even if those crimes are inexcusable. Also fair. Or maybe it's just the logic of the darker the backstory, the more heartwarming the lukewarm save will feel - if they've suffered so much, they should be grateful they're even getting a bit of relief.

But the thing is. Because these horrors are so atrocious and clearly the results of how corrupted and dysfunctional and cruel Hero/quirk society is, I really have no choice but to loathe Hero society and basically all who upkeep it, and wish for its complete upheaval.

Scissors-kun revealed to be the victim of one of those years-long confinement cases, undergoing years of neglect and social isolation, and then even mutilation, all because his family can't accept his quirk, and no Hero even knowing of his existence to save him from his own family - him being saved by Old Lady holding his hand doesn't bring me joy. I don't see change. I see an injustice that occurred long before the League ever started their terrorism and continued even after they were defeated, and only recently alleviated partly because the League lashed out and forced some reckoning, and even this help Scissors-kun received is the lowest of bars.

It makes me want the society that allowed something like this to happen to him to be utterly destroyed.

[animeyanderelover]

Can I get another round with Yandere Merlin,Diane and Elisabeth, Derieri and Melascula with a human darling. Only this time the darling is a member of the sins being the eighth son of melancholy so unlike other humans he's actually very strong instead of being helpless.

I was trying to think of a fitting animal to represent melancholy and came up with a donkey... If you've watched Winnie Pooh you know exactly why.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, manipulation, isolation

Donkey's Sin of Melancholy

Elizabeth Liones

👼​Elizabeth as a person has always cared for the people around her even if they were her enemies and this nurturing nature is amplified in her obsession. The princess wants her darling to be happy physically and mentally so having you being the embodiment of melancholy only stokes the flames of obsession within her. You're always draped in thick sheets of unexplainable sadness and sorrow and even you can't give her a reason to why you're always feeling so dejected which only encourages her obsession to make a fuss over you. Since there is no real problem for your feelings she has no way to approach the problem and help you with your gloomy emotions. Other sins like Ban tell her that she shouldn't fret so much over you since this is how you have always been yet Elizabeth strongly objects. She doesn't want you to dwell all the time in such dark emotions as she yearns to see you leaving that grim place your mind always seems to stay in. She swears to herself that she will make you happy and that she will free you from your own thoughts.

👼​That wish of her is going to push her to be overbearing sooner or later depending on whether we're considering her before she regained her memories or after she regained her memories. Elizabeth before remembering who she really is would be quick to coddle you, clinging to you all the time and doing everything to make you smile and make you happy. She's insecure, knows that you are very strong as a part of the eight sins whilst she isn't yet she still strives to be helpful to you somehow. If that can't be on the battlefield then it will be emotionally and because she is so eager about assisting you even if you deny her help more than once that can quickly turn into her being a tad bit too attentive and overbearing. If we're talking about Elizabeth as a goddess she would approach you more thoughtfully, emotionally more prepared to read your current mood and attempt to cheer you up from there. She's more subtle with everything she does but upon recalling her memories she has also learnt how to use her abilities again which means that she might use her empathic powers in an attempt to influence your emotions.

Diane

🐍​Growing up Diane has made acquaintance with loneliness, a terrible feeling that she has over the years learnt to utterly despise. She doesn't want to be alone anymore which is one of the major reasons why she ends up as clingy as she does when she falls in love with you. You have never once made any comments about her height nor her clinginess though, maybe because you are often elsewhere with your mind and your thoughts yet it is the fact that you don't speak up about it that ends up encouraging her tendencies to escalate. She thinks that your quietness and thoughtfulness are very attractive and only add to your coolness. Her feelings have never been a secret to the other sins because she can barely hold back the red blush on her face as soon as she sees you and instantly starts twirling her hair around with her fingers, trying to make herself look cuter so that she might be able to make your heart skip as much as you always make her heart skip.

🐍​It is your reserved personality that still makes her most jealous though. Even though she is definitely on a delusional side she knows that you tend to avoid conflict and never disagree even when someone asks you to do something that you don't really want to do. This is where she takes it upon herself to act like the protective wife and speak up for you instead even if she never asks you for your real opinion on the topic. Additionally her already quite bad jealousy only increases because she knows that you are not the most social person out there and prefer spending time in your own head rather than with the people around you which makes every slice of attention you give others so much more special and by extension even worse. Why did you pay attention to that person and not to her just now? It's such thoughts that only add to her pushy clinginess as she wants to hoard all of your attention as soon as you snap out of the place in your mind you find yourself stuck in on days. As your future wife she should after all be the one person you may most attention to.

Merlin

🐗​Merlin's interest in knowledge, science and everything she doesn't know of is an unquenchable thirst that has led her to suspend her own age so that she may have all the time in the world to learn everything she desires to know. Often refered to as a mysterious woman since no one can truly tell what she is really after it is perhaps no surprise that the woman shrouded in mystery takes an interest in the other sin who is often just as hard to understand as you. Despite being a normal human you possess strength that has allowed to join the ranks of the sins and it is your personality that only adds to her interest as you are not very talkative nor do you spend much time with others. If Merlin takes interest in something she is going to pursue it even if she has to use more underhanded methods yet her ambigious morality has never truly been something that has bothered her. She knows what she is doing yet she prioritises her own interest above any laws or morality that others may criticise her for.

🐗​She uses the information she has to her own advantage and attempts to manipulate you so that she can spend more time with you. Her laboratory is a place where people rarely enter, mainly because she uses spells to keep people out and it is a place you find yourself often coaxed into with the promise of receiving your peace in there without being surrounded by the other sins whose personalities can be a bit exhausting for you at times. Whilst she keeps up the polite and kind facade around you her eyes are constantly observing you and note every twitch of your muscles when she makes some smalltalk with you whilst subtly attempting to understand you and the way your mind works better. Sometimes your gaze meets her for a short moment before you retreat to the place in your mind she has yet to understand and when this happens she wonders slightly amused if you perhaps have caught on to what she is doing yet have decided to ignore the topic in favor of avoiding a confrontation and continue your current lifestyle.

Derieri

🔶Whilst Derieri is a demon who has never really respected humans and feasts on the souls of your kind she will begrudgingly give you some respect after she has clashed with you on a battlefield. You are not just a puny human who she could easily squash under her feet, you have experience when it comes to fighting and possess abilities strong and respected enough to let you be a part of the sins despite only being a human. She keeps such thoughts to herself though as she would never want to admit that she holds secretly such respect for you. The both of you have most of your encounters whilst fighting each other since her kind is considered the enemy and she gets very aggressive when she sees you and instantly assaults you. Partially because she absolutely despises the way you make her feel and the nonchalant behavior you keep up even whilst fighting for your own life. Another part of her though can't contain the excitement pumping through her veins every time she sees you as she finds herself enjoying the thrill of clashing with you, her seven hearts beating wildly inside her body whenever your bodies get close to each other.

🔶The more her feelings grow the more aggressive she finds herself getting when fighting with you as her hatred as well as her excitement only get stronger as a result of her growing obsession. Derieri finds herself in desperate need to know what you really think of her kind and if you share the same thoughts as most other humans have about her own kind. She doesn't want to get her hopes up yet a part of her can't help but think that perhaps you will be different. After all you are quite different from other humans with a thought process that she can't even comprehend and it partially frustrates her about you. Having clashed with you multiple times during fights and having witnessed your strength with her own eyes though her frustration only continues to grow as she realises that you are truly not an easy person she could simply get her hands on. For a mere human you possess an annoying amount of strength that she may enjoy during fights yet that also means that she won't be able to just easily take you even if she desires to do so. Intentionally or not, everything about you seems to be something that she adores yet finds frustrating at the same time.

Melascula

🌫️​Melascula's experience is going to be even worse than Derieri's is and this demoness handles it even worse. Whilst Derieri will simply brood and lash out if someone mentions you Melascula needs no such direct trigger to have an outburst. She refuses to acknowledge you and respect you despite having seen your powers on display and doesn't want to accept the growing feelings she has whilst thinking about you. She would accept every other excuse that could help her to deny her growing feelings for you and in such frenzy attempts to convince herself and everyone around her that her feelings aren't real she turns into a conspiracy theorist. You bewitched her somehow and maybe Merlin helped you by putting a spell on her because her obsession for you can't be something that was born out of her own feelings she secretly harbors for you. She experienes constantly short and frenzied meltdowns as soon as something even vaguely reminds her of you to the point where the rest of the Ten Commandments starts to leave her alone as no one of them wants to be the next victim of her ridiculous rage.

🌫️​Everything you embody she tries to ridicule all in an attempt to deny her own feelings, in distraught hopes that her attraction may disappear if she were to just remind herself enough that no power you possess will change the fact that you belong to the weakest and most useless race on this planet. Her twisted feelings are always revealed though as soon as she's around you, her dark eyes observing you and her body language almost lecherous as fighting against you only fawns the inferno of obsession within her. She wants to be adored and worshipped by you yet your attitude which is only utterly disrespectful in her eyes only enrages her further. Just because you are a little bit more powerful than the normal human doesn't mean that you can just casually disrespect her! You just wait until she gets her hands on you sooner or later. She will properly educate you on how to treat a sublime woman like she is with the respect and the worship she deserves all whilst keeping you by her side like a human pet.

[rubra-wav]

Hi I have this super specific idea if you could maybe do headcanons for it

Charlie, Lilith and Lucifer met Lucifers ex wife which Lucifer left for Lilith and she has changed alot her personality has gone from a shy submissive woman to a more independent and emotionally stronger woman (if you could maybe add the ex wife's daughter and son that are also Lucifer's which he did now about) could you make it angst and platonic thank you

Charlie, Lucifer & Lilith x Lucifer's ex!reader : 'A Changed Soul'

A/N It got a bit vague with lore at points so I'm sorry if the gaps I filled in were really off (Thinking about Lucifer giving more kids daddy issues bro 💀🧍🏻‍♂️)

She's written as an angel who's gone to hell to look at the hotel for Sera after Pentious is redeemed/ the extermination.

Also yeah ofc this is my headcanons for how Lilith acts and whatnot, could be proved absolutely wrong in S2. Never in a million years thought I'd be writing Lilith directly 😭

Cw: SFW, angst, fem!reader, platonic

Charlie

- When you show up on her doorstep, introducing yourself as (name) and as here to review the hotel, she's in awe of you frankly.

- Charlie would be shocked upon meeting you for several reasons.

- Obviously, you're her dad's ex which is extremely awkward to say the least, but also you're so much more different than what she had heard from all the rumours surrounding you.

- Charlie of course agrees to allow you to look around despite how cautious Vaggie is of you, trailing ahead of you and nervously explaining the hotel's various amenities as she went.

- She calms down slightly when you say that you don't hold anything much against her for simply being the daughter of Lucifer and Lilith. That you were just here for business and nothing more.

- At one point during the tour, you abruptly stop in front of the big family portrait of Charlie, Lucifer and Lilith, fist and jaw clenched as you look up at it.

- Charlie stands near the hall as she watches your halo glowing somewhat threateningly before you sigh deeply and calm yourself. She's sympathetic to your anger.

- It's then when Charlie is utterly horrified to learn that she actually has half siblings that she never knew about as you tell her about them.

- And that's when Lucifer himself finally shows up.

- All in all, Charlie just feels incredibly bad for you, she's not too surprised at how different you were since Lucifer left as she wasn't born at that point. She's more shocked to learn that she has family she never knew about.

Lucifer

- When Lucifer sees you in the hotel next to Charlie who ALSO looks displeased at him, he instantly starts panicking.

- "(n-name)! It's been a while- I-! Whats- uh. How have you... been?" Sweat rolls down his brow as he awkwardly grins, looking rapidly between you and his angry daughter.

- You raise a brow at him, hands on your hips as you eye him. "You mean how have I been after you left me and my kids?"

- Lucifer is floored by the tone you give him and takes a couple of seconds to truly realise how much you've changed since he was in heaven. It's clear as can be that you aren't who he used to know.

- Terrible guilt stabbed into him as he realised he was definitely the reason why your warmth and shyness had seemingly ceased to exist.

- He apologised, looking to the side while awkwardly shifting on the spot.

- Truthfully, Lucifer rightfully felt awful about what had happened. It stung to hear you refer to the kids you had together as not 'our' but solely 'my', and to see it was very obvious that you had moved on from him even if you were still pissed off.

- Lucifer naively followed Lilith away from you and look where that got him: Divorced by her, and left all alone to pick up the broken pieces.

- You shortly left after the small exchange you had with him, thanking Charlie on your way out and leaving him to deal with her confronting him about you and your kids.

Lilith

- Lilith was the last person you'd ever want to see again. However, she was a mark on the mission that Sera had given you, and you didn't want to drag out the rather unhappy trip down memory lane you'd already taken that day.

- You were already irritated as you approached Lilith to find her sipping a cocktail and reading a magazine.

- She looked up as you came to a stop about a metre from her seat. Her eyebrows instantly raised upon recognising you.

- "I have to say, it's not fun to know that the homewrecker who your husband left you and your kids for divorced him and then abandoned the daughter she had with him."

- Your words sent irritation flooding through Lilith, overpowering her surprise at your transformation and making her lip curl.

- "You ought to hold your tongue while in my presence." She coldly hissed, sitting up and folding her arms.

- The conversation with her would be even shorter then Lucifer. You simply telling her that that she ought to pay more attention to what her daughter was doing and the stir Charlie was causing for both heaven and hell alike.

- Lilith wouldn't feel a lick of remorse for her actions unlike Lucifer, and her surprise at the 180 your personality had done would be secondary. She truly doesn't care at all for what she did.

- She would be more angry than anything that you are lecturing her about what she believes is her own business and that you have the 'audacity' to address her in such a disrespectful manner.

Dramaaaaa

[silvervioletvalentine]

❣️forever isn’t long enough❣️

Pairing: Charles leclerc X Cherrie!

Word count: 7.4K

Summary: in which Cherrie is stubborn and refuses to admit that she loves him. So Charles bullies it out of her.

Or basically just two idiots in love bullying each other into confessing

As Cherrie walked into the room where the team would be filming a question and answer live video as a welcome back for the new season , she was immediately met with the narrowed eyes of a concerned charles and a amused smirk from Sebastian as they both sat waiting for her arrival on the red couch.

She gave them both a small, sheepish smile along with a tiny wave.

Knowing for a fact that she should have arrived here more than an hour ago but she had been too busy stopping off to get a hot chocolate from her local cafe to care.

Waving around politely to the exasperated crew who were more than used to her constant tardiness , she took a sip from the cup in her hand as she slowly walked over to the couch, looking at the small space that they had left between them knowing that they expected her to squeeze her ass between them while they man spread and took over all the space left.

Charles was looking up at her with a frown , more than a little bit annoyed by how this was the first time he had been able to see her and actually speak to her in over two months .

Cherrie knew that he wasn't very impressed with her sudden disappearance over the holidays , having turned off her phone and refused to tell anyone where she was going or what her plans for the holiday were.

But she just needed some time and some space on her own after a emotionally rocky year for her . She needed time to recoup her thoughts and be able to get back up in the morning without crying over every single thing .

She was utterly exhausted. Both physically and mentally the year has taken its toll on her.

Between the loss of points and not being able to win as many races as she had hoped to do, as well as the growing tension between herself and Charles , late nights and risky mornings in hotel rooms and hasty goodbyes before he could even try to convince her to stay .

It had been difficult because Cherrie didn't know what to do with these new , overwhelming feelings that sunk her stomach and tightened her chest whenever they were alone together .

She wasn't used to someone being kind to her just because they wanted to and not because they wanted something out of her .

She wasn't used to the sweet looks and shy smiles that always lit up Charles face whenever she was near by.

She didn't know how to handle the soft touches and tender gaze, doesn't know how to cope with the way he looked at her like she was something special , as though she was something to be adored.

She wasn't used to it. She wasn't a soft and gentle woman who could just hold someone hands and kiss them so softly that it felt like the world had come to a stand still just for the two of them.

She couldn’t name hardly any of the people she had slept with in the past. But she could remember each person that she had held hands with. Because there was only two.

She was used to rough touches and messy kisses in the back of a car and careless fucks in somebody else's bed .

She didn't stay for anyone , didn't know how to be someone that somebody wanted , unable to fathom the thought that she was something more than fuckable. That she was more than a good time and a quick distraction .

She didn't like the way her feelings and the way he touched her and looked at her made her feel so vulnerable.

She wasn't a weak girl who caved into every man that as even so much as glanced at her twice. She didn't laugh at someone's jokes even when they weren't funny just to make them smile.

She didn't hold someone in her arms without saying a word after having another bad race .

She didn't open up to people, she didn't show them how she felt through her fingertips and with her tongue . She didn't let anybody in.

But she had with Charles. She had done everything with him that she told herself over and over again that she would never do.

She was there to race , not to fall in love . But this time her own feelings were out of her control and it had scared her.

It had scared her to see the way he always clung onto  her after a long night together, the plea for her to stay going unspoken but Charles didn't need to beg or tell her what he was feeling. Because she could see it in his eyes how much he wanted her and how much he didn't want to let go.

So she had only mindlessly nodded along when her teammate had talked about travelling during the holidays . Had only smiled briefly when he looked hopefully at her and whispered that she should come along too. That she would love his family and they would love her. That he could show her all the places she had never been.

And when Charles had been packing his bags to go back home for the holidays , Cherrie had done the same thing.

She had left his bed without a word and without leaving a single trace of her herself behind. She had turned off her frantically buzzing phone with incoming calls and confused texts from Charles asking her where she was and why she had left so quickly .

She kept her phone off for two whole months, she didn't speak to any of the other drivers who had become such good friends.

She forgot about her feelings for a while and got the hell away before she could have a mental breakdown over the way she could no longer control her own life .

For so long she had been in control. She had a routine and barely did it ever change. She liked things to be simple and easy.

And the way she had so suddenly craved to be in Charles presence wasn't simple. It was scary and it was overwhelming and the last time she had felt something even remotely close to the way he was making her feel, she had ended up running away too.

Because feelings weren't for everybody.

She wasn't a happy go lucky person who could embrace friends and tell them she loved them. She couldn't be soft and gentle , that just wasn't her.

She was blunt . She was hard headed and driven by success. She didn't have time or the energy for blinding feelings .

Until Charles came along and wrecked away all of her walls like it was nothing.

It was just too much and the overwhelming urge to run away had taken over any rational thoughts about just telling him how she felt. Knowing deep down in her mind that Charles would understand , that he would be patience and kind. That he would help her though it.

Because he was a good guy and Cherrie had seen the way he had been looking at her since they were teenagers .

Even when she was a teenager who barely glanced his way, he had always followed her around like she was something special , as though just being near her calmed him down .

She had seen the way he smiled at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Had noticed the little things he did without even saying a thing , just wanting to make her life a little easier.

Like the way he always carried a packet of candy in his bag because he knew that she got moody when she didn't have anything sugary.

It was the way he carried two water bottles and silently handed her one after each race , having put diluted orange juice in it after learning how much she struggled to drink water on its own.

It was the way he pulled out her chair at dinner and the way he didn't start eating until she did.

It was the way that he waited around for her to be done with press and her briefings after each race , just to drive her home while her car was in the garage getting repaired.

It was the way he silently handed her flowers after dnf'ing. The way he would just put in a movie and caress his fingers through her hair till she fell asleep after a difficult day at the track.

It was the way he stayed sober while she got drunk with their friends , just so he could look after her and take her home safely .

It was the way he held her hair  and rubbed at her back while she regretted ever drinking in the first place , laughing softly at the way she would promise that she was never drinking again only to get plastered the following weekend and repeat the messy process .

It was the way that he looked for her in a crowded room.

The way he always asked the other drivers where she was when he couldn't see her, leaving to find her, not wanting to be in a group if she wasn't there with him.

It was the way he called her own father to let him know that Cherrie was okay after a particularly nasty crash. The way he stayed by her side with tears in his eyes , refusing to leave her until he saw that she was fit and healthy with his own two eyes.

It was the way he learned to cook new things that she liked after she told him that she was going vegan.

His phone filled with vegan recipes and his kitchen a mess of strange ingredients as he stayed up all night to make her a plant based macaroni after seeing her pout over their friends getting the cheesy goodness during dinner while she was stuck eating a salad.

It was the way he way he always helped correct her English when she got a word wrong or struggled to translate what she meant, not as fluent in English as their friends . He would simply whisper to her the right way of saying what she meant and give her a proud little smile when she remembered it the next time she spoke.

It was all these little things that Charles did that made her stomach turn into a whole damn zoo and made her unable to even think straight.

Because nobody told you that falling in love could feel like a never ending panic attack, heart racing in your chest when they smiled. Throat running dry whenever they said your name.

It scared her . So she left without a single word, despite the guilt that took over her chest as she told herself over and over again that he wouldn't care. That they weren't together . He wasn't her boyfriend and she wasn't his girlfriend .

They were just friendly teammates who slept together sometimes. (All the time).

It was okay. She was okay. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charles blurted out before he could even think to remember that they weren't alone and that he was supposed to be sounding like a teammate and not a upset lover.

Seb smirked behind his hand as he rubbed at chin in amusement , having been listening to Charles rant to him about how worried and stressed he was about Cherrie suddenly going off the radar for two fucking months.

He thought it was funny how obvious it was that Charles was in love with her while Cherrie acted as detached and emotionally constipated as usual.

Cherrie glanced down at her drink as she hesitantly squeezed between the two drivers on the couch, fighting back a wince as her bare leg brushed up against Charles's thigh who has turned in his seat to stare her down . With an unimpressed look on his handsome face .

"I got a hot chocolate on my way. I was also gonna stop for a breakfast too but-" she knew that he wasn't talking about where she had been just that morning yet she still tried to play innocent .

Charles narrowed his eyes at her , shaking his head in frustration. "That's not what I meant and you know it! I'm talking about you going M.I.A over the holidays and no one being able to get hold of you!" He couldn't help but snap.

Having spent the whole time worried out of his mind only for his concern to quickly turn to anger when paparazzi pictures of her lounging on a yacht and at the beach came out.

Those pictures of her casually drinking in the sun were the only way he knew that she wasn't dead.

Cherrie kept her eyes down to her drink stubbornly , knowing that one look at his pretty face would have her defences crumbling down again. The same walls she had spent the last two months rebuilding , telling herself that she didn't need anybody but herself.

That was a lie and she knew it. But she had always believed in faking it till it came true so...

Acting oblivious to Charles's and her own feelings would have to do.

"I was on holiday. I didn't want to talk to anyone." She simply muttered , glancing over beside her at Sebastian who was casually listening into her excuses with a knowing look on his face, raising his eyebrow at her disapprovingly .

She looked back down at her drink quickly .

Charles frowned , feeling hurt and it showed in his voice as he continued to look down at the woman he adored so much, the one woman that he would willingly get down on his knees and beg to be with, just wanting her to give them a chance to be something beautiful.

"Not even me? You just left without even saying goodbye . That wasn't very nice." He muttered to her quietly .

Cautious of the camera crew setting up the finishing touches in front of them, their media manager motioning for them to straighten up and get ready to start.

Cherrie pushed down any guilt and simply sighed, leaning back against the couch to get comfortable rubbing at her aching head. Still slightly hungover from the amount of wine she had drank on the plane back to Monaco.

She had always been a stress drinker . Now was no different. But no amount of alcohol could take away the nerves she felt at being beside Charles again.

"I was late for my plane. You were still sleeping and I didn't want to wake you.." didn't want to give you the chance to convince me to stay . Is what she meant.

Charles huffed at her stubbornness , knowing her far too well to believe her bullshit excuses for leaving.

"You should have woken me! Do you know how worried I've been?" He gave her shoulder a nudge with his own , trying to get her to look at him so he could look into her pretty eyes and see what she was thinking .

Cherrie just shook her head at him, plastering a smile on her face as the man handed some cards to read off, counting down from three as the camera trained on them clearly.

"Sorry. But you had nothing to be worried about. I just needed a break away from everything." She muttered before smiling at the camera brightly , giving a small wave and ignoring Charles pouting beside her.

Seb smiled at them as he made the introduction and got the video rolling . Glancing down at the cards with a small laugh as he spoke up.

"So the first question is for you Charles.." he said to him , hiding his grin as he watched Charles quickly snap his eyes away from where he had been gazing at Cherrie , clearing his throat and smiling a little awkwardly to him.

Charles nodded at him to go on while Cherrie just drained the last of her hot chocolate and placed the empty cup at her feet.

"Where do you see yourself in the future?" Sebastian asked him , reading off the card.

Charles smiled and answered easily "a world champion definitely.. hopefully.." he laughed a little before looking at Cherrie again who was smiling at his answer.

He hesitated for a moment before deciding to say fuck it.

She may not like talking or acknowledging her feelings but he did and if she refused to listen to him in private then he would make her understand publicly instead. Knowing that she couldn't run away from him this time, not while the cameras were still rolling .

So he said "and I see myself still in love, maybe married and with my own little family too. That would be nice." Glancing pointedly at Cherrie who had frozen up next to him.

Giving him a small cautious glance , frowning a little at the way her heart sped up at his answeR.

Surely he didn't mean her..? No. He can't be because Cherrie wasn't the kind of girl that was someone wanted forever .

She was too much work and not wife material at all, surely not ...

Sebastian smirked knowingly at them, amused at the way Cherrie was still stubbornly refusing to look at Charles even though he was glaring a hole into the side of her face with his challenging stare.

"You'd be a good husband and father. I can imagine you having cute kids." He mused as he picked another card up ready.

Charles smiled bashfully at his compliment and nodded his head, fiddling with the mood ring on his finger that Cherrie had gotten him when they were still teenagers .

Giving it to him with a shy mumble on Valentine's Day after he had made her a giant card in the shape of a heart alongside a teddy bear with roses in its hand.

Her dad had made her get Charles a gift too, while Cherrie had just blushed bright red the whole time, hardly able to look anyone in the eye as she shoved the ring and a poorly made card in his direction with an embarrassed scowl on her face.

So not much had changed really. Charles was still hopelessly in love with her and feelings still made Cherrie want to throw up and disappear forever.

"Yeah, they'd be cute . With little curls and big blue eyes , a little button nose and freckles.." he listed off all the features that Cherrie had without any shame, knowing exactly who was going to be his future baby mama if he had his own way.

Cherrie sunk further into the couch with a flush, swallowing dryly . Utterly mortified by how obvious he was being.

She almost had a panic attack right there and then. He wanted them to be together?! Get married?! Have kids?!

She could barely even hold his hand in the privacy of their own room!

"Dieu, ça ne peut pas m'arriver." She muttered beneath her breath in embarrassment.

(God , this can't be happening to me)

Sebastian just laughed and moved onto the next question before she melted into a puddle of red beside him .

"Cherrie this one is for you.." he grinned at the flustered girl next to him in pure amusement .

"What's your favourite thing to do in the off time?" He asked her .

She picked at her nails boredly, looking down at the bright red colour as she thought about it.

Before humming and giving a little shrug "I like to go on little adventures with my friends. See new islands and try new things.." she told them honestly , smiling a little as she thought about her most recent trip.

"-but mostly I just enjoy reconnecting with friends and having fun . Getting some drinks and messing around."

Sebastian looked at her curiously "where did you go this time? I saw pictures of you on a yacht but I don't know where. No one really knew where you were." He said.

Charles having been the one to show him the recent photos of her with a scowl on his face as he complained about her ignoring him.

Cherrie glanced over at Charles to see him waiting for her to tell them exactly what she had been doing after ditching him in his bed, raising a judgmental eyebrow at her when she hesitated to answer.

Before finally giving in and telling them quietly “I went to Brazil and met up with neymar. He was having this big yacht party the whole weekend. Then we just traveled around after that. We spent some time in Italy and Spain and even went to England as well. It was fun." She muttered with slight smile.

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , frowning in disbelief .

"Neymar? As in the footballer? The guy you used to date?" He felt his stomach turn at the thought of the two of them getting back together while he sat back in the sidelines with a broken heart again. Unable to do a single thing but watch in misery as she dated a guy that wasn't him .

Cherrie frowned back at him, finally looking at him again. Chewing on the Inside of her cheek nervously when she saw the annoyed look he was giving her , fingers tapping against his knee impatiently as he waited for her to explain herself.

Cherrie groaned in annoyance, not liking the hurt puppy look he was aiming her way.

Fucking hell. She thought in misery. Why does he have to have such a gorgeous face?

How was she supposed to act unbothered by him when just the sight of his puppy eyes had her stomach turning into a whole Damn zoo!

"We never dated... seriously. We're just really good friends." She mumbled flustered by his heavy stare.

Wondering what happened to the shy stammering Charles that used to go bright red and speechless whenever she used to simply just look at him.

It felt like they had swapped roles. She was usually the confident and intense one out of the two of them.

I mean, for heavens sake! The first time that they had sex Charles had thanked her for it!

And then he had proceeded to politely ask her if she would like do it again sometime with a blush on his face while Cherrie had just been panting up at the ceiling in pure disbelief . Muttering a amused ‘sure. Same time tomorrow?’ To him fondly.

Charles scoffed at her , pursing his lips unhappily. "That's not true .. I once watched the two of you eat each others faces at an after party . You were more than friendly." He reminded her bitterly .

Cherrie just rolled her eyes, huffing a little at the way he was calling her out on her lie right in front of the cameras too!

Gritting her teeth as she sent him a small glare , getting a pointed look in return. Daring her to deny it.

"We- we were just having fun. We really are friends now! You're telling me that you've never fucked around with some of your friends when you were younger?!" She defensively threw back at him .

Sebastian was grinning beside them, looking into the camera with a arch of his brow like he was in an episode of the office.

Charles pulled a face at her , rapidly shaking his head no. "I haven't! You can't call someone your friend if you're sucking their dick Cherrie!" He exclaimed as a jab towards her past relationships and the one that she also had with him.

Unable to believe the way she could give him the most mind blowing sex of his life and them tell people that they were 'just friends' as if she didn't just have his dick in her mouth ten minutes ago!

He had to give her credit though, she was a really fantastic bullshitter! And if there was an award for being in denial of her feelings , she would win without any hesitation!

Sebastian's eyes widened as he saw the stare down between the two of them, laughing a little as he gave Charles a look to behave himself , already used to them bickering like little kids since they were , well, kids!

Gently pulling Cherrie by the shoulder to lean back again once he noticed the way she looked ready to lay into him, both of them forgetting that they were being recorded live to the whole World.

"Okay! Next question I think!" He exclaimed with a amused smirk , clearly loving the drama .

"Favourite food?" He asked them trying to clear the sudden tension between them a little.

Cherrie looked away from Charles and back at Sebastian again. Humming softly in thought .

"Probably stir fry. But If we're talking desert then there's this cafe near my apartment that does these beautiful vegan cupcakes and honestly you can't even tell the difference . They're amazing." She gushed , almost drooling just thinking about them.

Charles, momentarily forgetting his jealously and anger for a second, smiled at her in amusement .

"Is that the one you dragged me too last time?" At her nod , he laughed in agreement.

“Yeah they were good! We have a tradition of swapping deserts if we win a race. When she won last time I tried to make a replica of the cupcakes she loves but it didn't turn out so good.." he told Sebastian , smiling at the memory.

Cherrie giggled a little and patted his thigh comfortingly without even thinking , so used to their easy touches and messing around even when they were arguing .

Her dad had once been stood with his mouth wide open in disbelief when he witnessed her and Charles had arguing with each other nastily , snapping at each other even though they had been laid on the couch together with his arm around her shoulders and her own arm around his back.

Cuddling while arguing . Her dad couldn’t believe it!

She grinned at him in amusement "you did good! I told you that they weren't that bad! Just a little ...burnt." She tried to make him feeling better about it just like she had done back then.

Giggling to herself as she recalled the way a pouty Charles had shown up at her door with a loud sigh of defeat as he sheepishly held up a tray of burnt cupcakes to her, looking like he was going to cry.

She had kissed his pout away and scoffed down those burnt cupcakes like they weren't making her teeth hurt with each bite, not wanting him to be sad.

Charles squinted just eyes at her , still not believing her lie.

Sighing loudly as he leant his body back against the couch, nudging his shoulder against hers affectionately.

"You went to the dentist the next day!" He whined laughing despite himself and his shitty baking.

Cherrie grinned cheekily "for a checkup!"

"Yeah right!" He rolled his eyes at her playfully , pulling at her one of her curls with his fingers .

Sebastian laughed at them and asked them another question "have you ever been in love?" That question wasn't even on the card but Sebastian had a plan for the two in love idiots in front of him.

Knowing that Charles wouldn't have any hesitation in admitting his feelings to the world , maybe it was the push that Cherrie would need.

Cherrie laughed a little and shook her head no . "I'm not the kind of girl that guys fall in love with easily. I'm okay for a short time but not for a long time. I'm not girlfriend material.." she muttered her thoughts out loud.

Only to flinch a little in shock when Charles let out the loudest scoff ever, eyes blown wide in disbelief as he gaped at her like she had frown an extra head right in front of him.

"You're kidding right? You've got to be joking!" He almost shouted in shock, speechless at how oblivious she was acting.

Did she really think that his feelings for her were nothing more than 'casual'? Did she really not know that she was in his every thought? That she was his first  thought in the morning and his last wish at night?

She drove him crazy and she didn't even know it!

Cherrie looked at him with small frown, stomach turning at the familiar way he was looking at her.

Nervously fiddling with the fray edges of her denim shorts , clearing her throat a little nervously .

"I mean- I just mean that I'm not a girl that guys take home to meet their mother. As soon as they get to know me properly it's like... nope, not a forever thing! And definitely don't love me after that!" She laughed a little depressingly at herself, truly believing that she was only loveable when the sun went down.

Charles tried not to shake her shoulders and scream at her.

Instead he took in a deep , calming breath to gather his patience. Reminding himself that it wasn't her fault she was so emotionally stunted. That she didn't know that someone loved her until it was spoken directly to her face with no way of her misunderstanding.

Charles realised then that perhaps never telling her directly how he felt was a giant mistake on his part .

He had hoped that his actions would speak for him, that she would feel his love and understand how gone for her he was.

But apparently not. Apparently she was blind!

"I know you and I think you're amazing. You're the most lovable woman in the world! Everybody wants to either be you or be with you! Surely you can't believe that?!" He exclaimed in shock by her stubbornness to give in and let herself be loved.

Cherrie flushed darkly and frowned at him a little , trying to not throw up from the way the butterflies wouldn't stop flapping their wings rapidly in her chest.

Barely able to hold eye contact with him, seeing the way Charles was looking at her with a face full of disbelief and frustration .

She huffed, feeling uncomfortable talking about her feelings and love in general.

"That's not the same thing. I mean, I'm just not good with feelings and I'd be a terrible girlfriend-"

Charles let out another loud scoff , placing his head in his hands and trying not to scream.

Sebastian was grinning behind his knuckles as he tried not to laugh at the two idiots in love in front of him. Charles looking like he was going to burst if she denied his love one more time.

"How can you know that If you don't try it?! I didn't know I liked spaghetti until I ate it!" He almost shouted at her in frustration.

Referring to the way Cherrie had told him that he didn't want her as a girlfriend, that he wouldn't like it if they became serious.

The same old bullshit excuses but Charles had enough of her lying to herself.

He was leaving here with her as his girlfriend whether she liked it or not , he was done with her denial. Enough was enough!

Cherrie scowled at him, oblivious  to the team

Behind the cameras who were watching them argue in absolute confusion. Having absolutely no idea what was going on.

"What has spaghetti got to do with love?!"

"I'm not talking about the spaghetti itself! I'm talking about having to try things to know you like them! If you don't give the guy a chance then how can you know that it won't work out?! You don't!" Charles snapped back at her with wide eyes.

Cherrie rolled her eyes at him dramatically "it's the same way that you want to do anal but won't let yourself be pegged! It's a bit hypocritical isn't it?! To want to do something to someone else but not letting them do it to you?!" She shouted back at him, completely having lost sense of what they were even arguing about now.

Sebastian was giggling behind the cards, having the time of his life watching them shout at each other like stubborn children . Cherrie refusing to admit that she was wrong.

Charles blinked at her in disbelief, mouth dropping open in shock. Wondering how they went from spaghetti, to chances and then to anal within a second.

"Well you'd only do anal with somebody you trusted wouldn't you? Like a boyfriend! And I never said I wouldn’t try anything! But if I was going to do it I'd want it to be with someone i loved , someone that i could call a girlfriend!" He flung his hands up into the air dramatically , easily matching her energy like usual .

Cherrie huffed loudly , glaring back at him. "That's not the point! I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend! I'm happy as I am thank you!" She snapped back at him.

Charles pulled a face of disbelief at her "why not? You're happy having sex with me , nothing would have to change except me being able to call you my girlfriend!" The gasps of shock from the crew didn't even reach his ears as he openly told the whole world that they were sleeping together without any shame.

Sebastian gasped a laugh. Wiggling his eyebrows at the camera as he sat back and happily Enjoyed the show in front of him.

Cherrie gasped sharply and smacked his arm, hard. Flushing bright red. "Everything would change! You want to marry me and have kids with me! That's not casual at all! That’s A lot different than just sex!" She exclaimed stubbornly . Not giving in .

Charles rolled his eyes at her , shoving her shoulder in response .

The two of them starting to shove at eachothers sides like naughty children as they bickered on live video stream.

"Maybe a little bit but you'd get used to it! It would just be nice to hold your hand in public and tell you I love you without you freaking out! I know you love me too! I'm not blind or stupid!" He pushed her head with his hand , almost pushing her into Sebastian's lap.

She immediately pushed him back, kicking him as well as she huffed and puffed at him angrily.

"I don't love you!" She shouted, clearly lying.

Charles scoffed at her loudly "yes you do! I heard you whisper it to me once when you thought I was sleeping!" He admitted to her shamelessly.

Cherrie gasped , hitting his arm again. "You were pretending to be asleep?!" She was mortified "see! I don't want to date a liar! You just heard me wrong!" She lied .

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , unable to believing that she was still lying like this.

Talk about denial!

"Sure! What did you say then?!" He challenged her knowing exactly what he heard that night .

Cherrie hesitated before looking away from him stubbornly . "I said - I said I love you but like- in a platonic way-" she flushed, stammering .

Even Sebastian rose a brow at her in disbelief . Giggling to himself at how stubborn she was .

Charles wanted to throttle her. "Oh stop it! We could have been married happily by now If you'd just stop being so fucking stubborn!-"

She looked at him with a scowl , heart racing in her chest nervously.

"je ne veux pas t'épouser ! Ce n'est pas parce que je t'aime que je veux être à toi ! je suis ma propre personne! Je décide avec qui je veux être !" She snapped at him, shuffling away from him like a child.

(i don't want to marry you! just because i love you doesn't mean i wanna be yours! i am my own person! i decide who i want to be with!)

Charles just shuffled along with her , throwing his arm over her shoulder and ducking his head down to meet her pissed off gaze.

A slight amused smile tugging at his lips as he looked at her seriously .

"voir! tu m'aimes ! et je t'aime!" He muttered to her , gently stroking her hair away from her face so he could see her flushed cheeks better.

The anger flowing away from him just like that as he admired how beautiful she was, even when she was trying to break his heart into pieces .

(See! You do love me! And I love you!)

Unfortunately for Cherrie, Charles was just as determined and stubborn as she was. And he knew that they belonged Together. No one else's hand fit between his own as perfectly as hers did.

She was the one. He knew it. Ever since they were kids and she threw a football at his head and told him that it was a girls only team.

Only to pick him a daisy and whisper to him that they could play together in her garden later when the rest of the girls she had been trying to impress were gone.

He loved her then and ten years later he still loved her now. Nothing had changed at all.

Cherrie glanced down at the soft smile he was giving her, her walls quickly crumbling down as she felt his thumb gently run back and forth across the back of her neck soothingly . Looking at her like she was his whole world.

She sniffed , fidgeting with her necklace . The same heart shaped locket that Charles had given her on a random Monday afternoon just to see her smile.

It had two pictures inside. One of them as kids, stood side by side with little Charles kissing her cheek. And another picture of them as adults, also stood side by side on the podium as they grinned up at each other with nothing but pure happiness on their faces .

She loved him. And he loved her. He always had.

Would it really be so bad to give him a chance? He made her happy.. so why was she making herself unhappy by denying his love for so long?

Who else was going to deal with her craziness and stubbornness like he did?

Who else would dare to look her in the eye and tell her to stop being so stupid? To get her to admit that she was wrong .

He was the only one that she thought of when being asked of what her future held.

She saw herself winning more races. She saw her family . She saw her friends and she saw Charles right beside her for all of it.

Didn't she deserve to be happy? No matter how frightening taking them first step towards forever love could be?

It could be worth it in the end.

"I do but.." she sighed , conflicted on what to do.

Charles made the answer easy for her. Gently leaning his head against her shoulder and kissing her jaw softly , he wrapped his arm around her back and held her close to him .

"I want to be your boyfriend. Okay?" He whispered  to her simply not caring about anything else but her.

Cherrie glanced down at his soft eyes and the love written across his pretty face and easily gave in.

Pouting a little at having to admit that Charles was right and she was wrong .

"okay." She mumbled with a small smile as she wrapped her arm around his back in return, leaning down to kiss his eyebrow gently .

Charles inhaled deeply, unable to hold back his excited grin as he peered up at her through his lashes. Heart threatening to beat right out of his chest in excitement .

"Yeah? Me and you? No more bullshit?" He needed to her say it.

Giggling at the way she playfully rolled her eyes at him, cupping the side of his head and pulling his head down to her neck for a snuggle . Charles kissing below her ear delicately , feeling him smile against her tender skin.

"No more bullshit." She promised him quietly, running her fingers through his hair gently. Kissing his head as she heard him sniffle against her, squeezing her tightly to him.

And Sebastian could only watch with a proud smile as Cherrie finally let go of her fear and gave into love.

Charles sighing contently as Cherrie hugged him to her chest, closing his eyes and crying into her shirt while she rubbed circles over his shoulders with a small, amused smile on her face at his emotional he was.

He always had been the crier out of the two of them. He had also cried when she gave him a valentines card and drew him a picture of him in a Ferrari , writing NO.1 messily at the top.He still has the picture on his wall at home.

But Charles didn't care about anyone seeing him cry. He had waited for this moment for what felt like his whole life.

He had loved her every winter, every spring , every summer.. it had always been her. Never once had his love gone cold, it never faded , only blossoming into something untouchable over time.

He had loved her every season and now he wanted them all. He was never going to let her slip away from him again.

"Je vais t'aimer dans chaque vie. quoi qu'il arrive, je t'aimerai pour toujours." He whispered to her softly.

Cherrie let out a wet laugh and leaned down to kiss him properly, cupping his jaw in her hand as he nudged her nose with his own gently . Both of them smiling giddily into the kiss .

(i'm going to love you in every life. no matter what, i'll love you forever.)

"Je vous aime . j'ai toujours. Je suis désolé d'avoir mis si longtemps à l'admettre. mais je suis là maintenant et je ne t'aimerai plus jamais." She promised him .

(i love you . i always have. im sorry it took me so long to admit it. but i'm here now and i'm never going to not love you again.)

As  the two kissed some more and snuggled up together on the couch without a care in the world, Sebastian looked at the camera with a smug grin on his face.

"I am Cupid. The love question was all my idea." He told them proudly before grimacing as he felt a foot nudge his side as they rolled around on the couch beside him like a pair of horny teenagers.

He leant over and pushed the both of them off the couch , both of them landing on the floor without even breaking apart .

Leaving Sebastian to look at them in disbelief as they just carried on making out on the floor in front of him, not giving a single shit about anybody else around them.

"Oh no.." he groaned with wince as he looked at the camera worriedly. Still live .

“What have I done? Okay! That's enough! Stop trying to eat her face!" He snapped down at them.

Dropping his cards and leaning down to try and pull the two of them apart before they made a sex tape on stream. The two of them just laughing at the disgusted look that he was giving them.

Sharing a mischievous look between them before charles yanked Sebastian down between them, both of them Hugging him tightly as Cherrie laughed like a naughty child as she kissed all over his grimacing face as he huffed and puffed, trying to push them off.

"I better be best man . And you better name your first child after me for this." He grumbled to them.

Grinning despite himself as he gave Charles a proud pat to his shoulder while Cherrie was preoccupied with clinging onto his back like a monkey, trying to annoy him like she usually did.

Sebastian just picked her up and threw her down onto the couch. Dusting off his clothes and pushing Charles down onto the other side too , sitting between the two of them so that they were separated again.

Rolling his eyes in amusement  when Charles just extended his arm out behind his back and held cherries hand behind him. Both of them giggling and beaming at each other happily.

And all Charles could think to himself as he looked into her pretty eyes dazedly …was that forever wasn't long enough.

[misshoneyimhome]

How do you think that either intern reader (medical one or MLSE one), would react to William getting injured?

It got me thinking because of the pre season match against the Montreal Canadians and William just and banged his head on a Habs player’s leg. He’s apparently good, but I must say I gasped when I saw the slo-mo.

You and me both! I didn’t get to watch the match though (time zones strike again…) but when I heard… ugh, I just can’t bear the thought of our boy getting hurt 🥺

_

Now, imagine all your emotions applied to our lovely medical intern!

For her, there's definitely a huge level of concern – not just because she cares so deeply for William, but also because of her passion for her field. Seeing any player injured, especially him, triggers her inner physio and caretaker instincts immediately. She can’t help but want to rush in and help, knowing how much it means both personally and professionally!

She’d be by William’s side before she even realises it – a perfect blend of professional care and someone who genuinely cares for him on a deeper level.

Despite her feelings, she knows she can’t just shower him with love and affection outright, and her professional mindset kicks in automatically. She’s completely focused on his recovery, determined to help him heal as quickly as possible, without thinking too much about her personal emotions.

And once they’re alone, she’s still there, watching over him, making sure he’s truly okay. Now that’s when William starts to push the boundaries a little, flirting and hinting at what he really wants, his touches becoming softer, more intimate.

Even then, she’s too wrapped up in worrying about his injuries, insisting they hold off for a few days… much to his playful frustration! 🤭

For our MLSE intern, it’s a bit of a different scenario. It’s not that she cares any less about William’s wellbeing or doesn’t want to help, but she’s far less focused on the professional side of things. The moment his injury happens, she’s more emotionally impacted, gasping and gripping her clipboard in shock as the scene unfolds.

She feels utterly helpless, frozen in place, mentally praying that he’s alright but not knowing how to actually assist. Instead, she tries to keep herself busy by floating between tasks, doing whatever she can to play her part for the team, even though her heart is completely elsewhere.

William, of course, would try to shrug it off and play it cool in both situations. He’s been through his fair share of minor injuries and knows all too well that with some training and time, he’ll be fine. But neither intern would let him just brush it off that easily.

The medical intern would be much more hands-on, making sure he’s following all the right steps to heal without putting himself at risk for further injury. She wouldn’t let him slip up for a second.

On the other hand, the MLSE intern, while still attentive, would likely be more emotionally invested, loving, and unable to ignore the intense attraction she feels toward him. And let’s face it, if William started acting on his primal desires and pushing those boundaries, she’d probably struggle to resist. After all, who could say no to that charming grin of his? 😉

[nerdanel01]

Appearances

Emmrich Volkarin/F!Rook (*Emmrich POV) 1.5k+ | SFW A chance meeting with Myrna in the dining hall yields some unexpected revelations. EXCERPT: “If you ever left the Mourn Watch, what would happen to Agnes, then?”

Emmrich swallowed around the sudden dryness in his throat. “Whatever do you mean by that?”

Myrna flashed him a skeptical look before refocusing on her hand. Her fingers wavered over the discard pile, then changed course and plucked one from the deck. “Aren’t the two of you…?”

9:50 Dragon

It was well past dinner by the time Emmrich returned to the Necropolis, and the Mourn Watch dormitories within. Watcher business had taken him into the city, to the Dietrich Estate on the banks of the Minanter. The visit was a formality, a courtesy; Lord Dietrich was on his deathbed, and arrangements needed to be made for his internment in the Necropolis. Such visits were perhaps the most emotionally harrowing responsibility the Watchers held: often, they were more about reassuring and comforting the living than they were about making arrangements for the dead. But Lady Dietrich, Emmrich had long suspected from his brief encounters with her in the past, cared very little for her husband. Her displays of grief were utterly transparent, a ploy for his attention; she had called upon every social convention and all the somber duties of his post to keep Emmrich in her estate far longer than was decent. 

Between the company of the Nevarran nobility and the dead, more often than not, Emmrich preferred the latter. 

Fortunately for him, there was still a pot of leftover stew bubbling away in the kitchens when at last he made his way home. He ladeled himself a bowl, carved a slice of bread from the loaf laid out, and carried both back to the dining hall above. This late in the evening, the hall was mostly empty, only a few scattered groups of Watchers collected along the two banquet tables. But Emmrich spotted Myrna in the corner, lingering over a cup of tea, playing solitaire alone. She smiled when he joined her and recollected her cards, shuffling the deck and dealing him into a game they could play together.

“How was your visit with Lady Dietrich?” Myrna asked, teasing him, fanning and then rearranging the cards in her hand.

“Uncomfortable,” Emmrich answered, with an honest chuckle, “as usual.” Discarding one of his cards and then picking up another from the deck, he added, “She offered me a job.”

“Really?”

“Well, you know, her husband is dying—though the loss does not seem to weigh on her too terribly,” he told Myrna, dryly. “She is looking for someone to design his tableau, and to undertake a general restoration of the Dietrich mausoleum.”

Myrna snorted, picking up the face card he had discarded and tucking it in her hand, then placing the four of swords down on the discard pile. “A position for which, I am sure you were quick to tell her, you are not in the least bit qualified for.”

“Indeed, I reminded her quite emphatically that I am a necromancer, not an architect nor an artisan.”

“Which, undoubtedly, did not dampen her enthusiasm in the least,” Myrna said, clucking her teeth disapprovingly. “The gall of that woman, trying to poach you from the Mourn Watch for her vanity project. As if you could be bought.”

Emmrich nodded in agreement, drawing another card. “Not that I’d ever accept the offer, mind,” he told her, adding again to the discard pile.

“Of course not,” Myrna replied, as though that fact were clear as day. “If you ever left the Mourn Watch, what would happen to Agnes, then?”

His eyes shot to Myrna’s face, but it had not changed in the slightest. Her eyes were fixed on her cards, her lower lip caught thoughtfully between her teeth as she plucked at one card, then another, shuffling their position in her hand. As though she had not just said something so bizarre, so provocative.

Emmrich swallowed around the sudden dryness in his throat. “Whatever do you mean by that?”

Myrna flashed him a skeptical look before refocusing on her hand. Her fingers wavered over the discard pile, then changed course and plucked one from the deck. “Aren’t the two of you…?”

The trailing end of that question was a tiny torture. “Aren’t the two of us what?”

Myrna’s eyebrows shot so high they nearly reached her hairline. “Oh, is that how it’s going to be, Emmrich?” she asked him, in her most no-nonsense tone (though surely, it was she who was speaking utter nonsense—wasn’t she?) “You’re going to make me say it out loud?”

A note of impatience crept into his voice. “Yes, Myrna, you will have to use your words, as I haven’t the faintest idea of what it is you’re talking about.”

“Fine,” Myrna said, yielding with a huff. “Aren’t you two more than partners?”

The dining hall suddenly felt much too warm. Though his back was towards the rest of the Watchers who still lingered, Emmrich was suddenly keenly aware of them: of the clink of their utensils, of their low voices. Did his conversation with Myrna carry across the hall to their ears? He worded his answer very, very carefully. 

“Well... yes, of course we are also very good friends.”

Myrna looked at him like he could not possibly be so thick. “Not more than friends?”

Trickle of sweat from the crown of his skull down the back of his neck, beneath the collar of his shirt. He longed for the cool of the Necropolis. He wanted to go down among the dead and never reemerge.

“That’s…” Emmrich began, then laughed uneasily, frowned, cleared his throat. He turned his eyes back to his cards; he did not think he could bear the scrutiny in Myrna’s gaze. “That’s preposterous, Myrna. I cannot imagine what gave you that impression.” Lower, under his breath, he added, “By the Maker, I am old enough to be her father.”

“Perhaps,” Myrna answered, not missing a beat. “Just barely. But even if that were true, that doesn’t preclude the possibility of something else growing between you.” With a casual little shrug of her shoulders, as if each of her words did not have the force of a wrecking ball knocking his sense of self and reality into dust, she added, “Some people have a predilection for that sort of thing; I am not one to judge.”

“She doesn’t,” Emmrich said, forcefully, feeling the sudden need to defend Agnes against whatever Myrna was insinuating. “What gives the impression that I’m—that she’s—”

Myrna set her cards face down upon the table, raised her hands, and then, favoring Emmrich an absolutely withering look, began ticking off the reasons on her fingers.

“Exchange of gifts,” she said, pointing to the lazurite scarab ring on his hand. One finger. “The little dates you take her on to the opera.” Two fingers. The word ‘dates’ made Emmrich wish the floor would simply swallow him. And then, not bothering to hide her bewilderment, Myrna lifted her third finger and delivered the coup de grace: “The fact that the two of you share a tent during your excursions to the Necropolis, even if it is as you say, and you aren’t actually—well. Sleeping together in the erotic context.”

His heart was pumping so fast, his blood rushing in his ears. His neck was unbearably warm. “We shared a tent one time,” he practically hissed at Myrna, “and only because we had lost our other tent while we were getting chased across the King Aurum’s Bridge.”

Myrna’s lips curled into something awfully like a smirk. “Are you actually blushing, Emmrich?”

He did not dignify that with a response; surely his burning cheeks spoke well enough for themselves. He fixed his eyes on the playing cards in his hand, all game strategy flown from his mind, trying to ground himself by focusing on the pictures on the cards: the eight of wands, the ten of cups. The High Priestess. The Lovers. Unbidden, his eyelid gave a faint twitch. 

Feeling hardly prepared for the answer, he asked Myrna:

“Is this just an absurd fancy of your own imagination, or does everyone in the Watch believe such torrid nonsense?”

Myrna shrugged, turning her eyes back to her cards. “I think most people are probably too polite to say one way or the other.”

“But you think they, too, assume…?”

Myrna only answered with another noncommittal shrug. 

Incredible, how indifferently she could sit there while Emmrich was in a complete spiral. How long had that reputation followed them? Surely not since the incident with the one tent? Did everyone make such assumptions about them, or was it just Myrna and a select few? Surely Agnes herself could not be aware that they were the source of such speculation—or so he dearly hoped. 

“Emmrich, please don’t get upset,” Myrna said, gently. “Really, I didn’t mean anything by it. And whatever everyone else assumes, I’m sure no one thinks less of you, one way or the other.”

But it was hardly himself that Emmrich was worried about. All he could think about was Agnes in the gardens, Agnes at the opera, Agnes humming love songs under her breath. She wanted the kind of love in that music, in those stories; sweeping, total, romantic. After everything she had been through, she deserved it: to love and be loved in kind. 

And that was never going to happen for her if every man she met assumed she was already spoken for. Until now, Emmrich had stolen that possibility from her. Stolen her youth from her. 

Perhaps, were it not for him and his selfishness, Agnes would have been happily married long ago. 

“Myrna, forgive me. I just—I have to…” Emmrich rose from the bench, his stew and bread untouched. He no longer had an appetite. “We’ll play again soon, yes?”

“Emmrich?” No small amount of concern or alarm in Myrna’s voice as she called after him, but Emmrich was determined, moving with purpose. And now it was so obvious to him it was mortifying, everything that Myrna had seen, had read into: his inappropriate affection, clearly far less well concealed than he had imagined. The way others might interpret Agnes’ near filial devotion to him, the way she cared for him. Worst of all was the suspicion that a part of him had known all of that to be true for years, and had done nothing to stop it. That a part of him—irredeemable, unforgivable—had wanted to keep all her light to himself. 

In no time at all, he was at the threshold of Johanna’s office. He knocked once. When she did not answer immediately, he knocked again. Then again.

At last Johanna emerged, straightening her glasses on her nose, a look of irritation on her face. “Emmrich, what in the name of Andraste—” she began, ready to reprimand him for his impatience before she took in the sight of him before her. Her face fell, and her tone flipped in an instant to one of concern. “Copulating corpses, Emmrich, you look awful. Is everything alright?”

“Is now a bad time?” Emmrich asked her, red-faced, breathing heavily. “I need to speak with you.”

[ghcstify]

✦ . ⁺ I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

maggie rhee x fem reader (platonic)

¡! warnings: usual lineup details, reader is in a deep state of depression, mentions of not eating, & thoughts of self-harm

¡! a/n: you are the adoptive daughter of maggie and glenn in this one. sorry if i break your guys’ heart… anyway, thank you for all the love <3

you couldn't comprehend it. how could such an evil man take away your father figure? it felt as though you blinked, and glenn was gone. the man who took your father away called himself "negan." you tried to convince yourself that perhaps it was for the better, but negan bashing your father's head in suggested otherwise. and the screams, the cries, the tears — no matter what you did, they wouldn't go away. you felt utterly exhausted with life and everything around you. you had absolutely no motivation to even eat or get out of bed. in fact, you were still wearing the same clothes from the night it happened.

on top of that, you were currently curled up in a ball on your bed, laying on your side. you hadn't moved since you returned to alexandria, and it was so difficult because your mom was all the way at hilltop. rick, michonne, rosita, and even daryl had tried to reassure you that everything was going to be okay, but you knew it wasn’t — they were lying straight to your face. you had suddenly gotten the idea that hurting yourself would make you forget everything else, including the pain of losing your father.

but you still didn't move; it was as if your body was magnetically drawn to your bed. you just wanted to be left alone, but it was uncertain how long it would take before you could come out and pretend that everything was okay. your mother's screams echoed through your mind — the begging, the yelps. now, the two of you were separated after losing glenn. you felt as if you were still there, present when negan killed both abraham and glenn, emotionally tormenting you and everyone else. you were unable to let it go, despite your best efforts.

although your mind remained somewhat hazy, you could still make out the faint knocking at your door. you chose not to respond, assuming it was rosita or michonne, until you recognized a familiar voice. “sweetheart, it’s me,” you recognized the accent almost instantly; it was maggie. upon hearing her voice, you slowly rose and approached the door. as you opened it, your pale and tear-stained face was revealed to your mother. you could see the pain in her eyes as she looked at you, noticing that you were still wearing the same outfit from the night everything had happened.

recognizing the pain you both were experiencing, maggie pulled you into a tight embrace. sobs filled the room as you realized that all you needed was your mother. “i can’t do this anymore,” you choked back tears. maggie took a deep breath before pulling away from the hug and motioning for you to sit down on your bed. “i need you to know something, y/n,” she began to speak as she took a seat beside you. grasping your hands, she gazed into your eyes with love, yet the lingering pain in her expression only deepened your own sorrow. “he wouldn’t want to see us like this, okay? he needs his baby girl to be strong,” before she continued speaking, she gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“he needs you to be strong too, mom,” you replied, your voice breaking increasingly with each word that escaped your lips. “i know, i’m trying. for him and for you,” she whispered while reaching into her pocket for something. in her hands was glenn’s pocket watch that hershel had given to him. “mom, i can’t-“ you started to speak, but her gentle voice interrupted you, “please, take it, sweetheart.” you slowly reached for it, taking it from your mother's hand. as you examined it, memories of you and your father began to flood your mind. from the first moment you met to the last time you ever saw him.

“we have to keep going, for him,” maggie spoke as she gently kissed you on the forehead. nodding in agreement, your eyes started to well up with tears. she grasped your hands once more, offering a reassuring smile. somehow, that was the only smile that conveyed a sense of reassurance — that she was being sincere. “we’re in this together, sweetheart. we’re going to be fine.”

[snapghoul]

I carry more than you see

✰ Paring: Pre Johnny Cage/Kenshi Takahashi [mk1 versions]

Johnny gets left alone with his thoughts after they escape outworld.

✰ tags&notes: injury, hurt/comfort. Getting better at writing. I’m a sucker for Hurt Johnny. Still might be OOC. No beta. This is a long one, buckle up. Enjoy.

✰ Part [2]

– ⭑ –

Johnny Cage hated this feeling. The silence over him was suffocating, and it felt like the world's weight was bearing down on him. The team had narrowly escaped to Outworld with two new allies and information, but not without paying a hefty price. Kenshi had been blinded; Outworld now thinks they tried to expose Princess Mileena’s affliction with Tarkat, and Shang Tsung was more powerful than they initially thought.

Johnny had always been one to push through pain and discomfort, especially in the heat of battle. The adrenaline and the desire to win often masked the physical toll his body was taking. But now, as he sat in a quiet corner of his and Kenshi’s shared room, he couldn't longer ignore the aches and pains. Liu Kang had insisted that Johnny take a break and get some rest. He knew that Johnny's relentless determination could sometimes lead him to overexert himself, and he didn't want his friend to suffer needlessly. Johnny reluctantly agreed, realizing it was time to tend to his injuries.

Gently, he touched his aching head, wincing as his fingers grazed the massive bruise on the side of his skull. It was painful, and Johnny swore if he saw that Shokan again, he'd hit him back ten times harder. He wished he had a mirror to confirm the extent of the damage, but he didn't need one to know it was terrible.

Next, he turned his attention to his collarbone. Mileena's savage attack had left an inflamed cut that throbbed with every movement. He knew he had to clean and disinfect it before it became infected, knowing that the wound had been rubbing against his armor for the past hours and the sweat and dirt that had seeped into it was probably not good. But even the thought of touching it made him cringe. He reached for the small medical kit the monks provided him before he slid the door closed, pulled a cloth strip, and dipped it in the small bowl of water next to it, steeling himself for the stinging pain that would inevitably follow. As he began to clean the wound, Johnny couldn't help but curse his own recklessness; he had let his guard down for just a moment, freezing up, and it had cost him dearly.

He swallowed, closing his eyes and willing the images of Kenshi’s blood spraying everywhere, the feeling of it on his face. The blood was still on his face. That had happened because he froze up when she gripped his neck; he let fear overcome him, and he was partially to blame for Kenshi’s blindness.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to focus on his wounds, not wanting to confront his thoughts quite yet. Johnny turned his attention to his left hand, which had been electrocuted when he foolishly grabbed the cage bars. He’s experienced many things, but that was close to the top of the list for the most painful. Johnny shivered as he felt the phantom pain of electrically flowing through his arm to his chest. The burns on his hand were angry and raw, the pads of his fingers tender and pink. He winced as he applied some soothing ointment to the burns, the relief washing over him as the pain began to subside.

Now, with nothing to curb his attention to, His mind became a battlefield of self-doubt and regret, and the darkness within him seemed to seep into everything he touched, including his own sense of self-worth. In the silence of the room, his thoughts echoed loudly, reminding him of every mistake, every failure. He didn't feel worthy of rest, of comfort, of being clean. He felt utterly drained, both physically and emotionally.

His muscles ached, his bones felt weary, and he was covered in a layer of dirt and sweat. He knew he should clean up, remove his armor, and tend to his wounds properly, but the heaviness in his heart anchored him to the spot. The very act of taking care of himself felt like an indulgence he didn't deserve. As he sat there, he tried to make sense of his emotions. He had always been the confident guy who never backed down, but now he was faced with his own vulnerability. The thought that he might not be good enough, strong enough, haunted him. The battles they fought were not just physical but battles of the mind and spirit. And at that moment, his spirit felt shattered.

He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the self-critical thoughts, but they persisted, refusing to be silenced. It was a battle within himself, one he wasn't sure he could win. The room felt suffocating, the air heavy with his own insecurities. The room, once a sanctuary, now felt like a prison, the walls closing in around him. The air was thick with his own insecurities, each breath carrying the weight of his doubts. It was as if the very atmosphere conspired against him, amplifying his internal struggles and magnifying his fears.

He clenched his fists, feeling the sting of frustration. The fight against external adversaries seemed easier compared to this internal turmoil. He was a warrior, used to facing opponents head-on, but this battle within himself was elusive, slippery like a shadow, always just out of reach.

For a moment, he questioned his own strength. Was he truly capable of overcoming the darkest corners of his own mind? Was he even worthy to be an Earthrealm champion? The uncertainty gnawed at him, threatening to erode his confidence further. In the face of this relentless assault, he felt vulnerable, exposed in ways that no armor could protect him from. Johnny curled into himself, wrapping his arms around himself despite his body screaming in pain, and he let out a weak sob. He shoved his head between his knees to hide the tears that started to fall.

Johnny was so deep into his breakdown that he didn't hear the door sliding open before closing softly. He didn't acknowledge the quiet footsteps that neared him or the shuffling of fabric.

“Johnny?” It was Kenshi.

Kenshi's soft and understanding voice cut through Johnny Cage's internal turmoil like a beacon in the darkness. The actor's shoulders trembled as he heard his name, the familiarity of it grounding him in the midst of his emotional storm. Despite the comforting presence, Johnny couldn't find the strength to face Kenshi, his eyes remaining fixed on the floor.

"Go away, Kenshi," Johnny muttered, his voice hoarse with emotion. He didn't want his friend to see him in this state, broken and defeated. He felt like he should be the one offering strength, not the other way around. He wasn’t worthy of Kenshi’s comfort.

Kenshi, however, didn't budge. His hand remained on Johnny's shoulder, a steady anchor in the midst of the storm. He understood Johnny's resistance, but he also recognized the strength it took to admit vulnerability. Johnny was there for him at his darkest, so Kenshi would be there for him. He could understand what the actor was probably thinking now.

"I won't leave," Kenshi said softly, his tone unwavering. He shifted into a more comfortable position, adjusting Sento on his back. He brought his other hand up and gently rested it on the unbruised side of Johnny’s head, willing the man to look up.

Feeling Kenshi's gentle hand on the unbruised side of his head, Johnny finally mustered the courage to look up. Johnny had to suppress the nausea in his stomach as his eyes met the white bandages around Kenshi’s eyes. But on Kenshi’s face, he saw not judgment but compassion, not pity but genuine concern. Johnny felt a lump in his throat for a moment, but he swallowed it down. Words seemed inadequate then, so he let his actions speak for him. He leaned into Kenshi's touch, seeking the comfort and reassurance that the swordsman's presence offered.

Kenshi's frown deepened as he saw the state Johnny was in, his heart heavy with worry. His blindness didn't prevent him from sensing the physical and emotional pain his friend was going through. With a soft, understanding sigh, he tightened his grip ever so slightly on Johnny's shoulder, offering silent support.

"Johnny," Kenshi began in his calm, measured tone, "Hey, listen to me, im here you're not alone."

Johnny met Kenshi's blind gaze, his eyes reflecting a mixture of gratitude and vulnerability. The weight of his friend's concern and understanding washed over him, bringing both comfort and a renewed sense of determination.

For a moment, Johnny didn't need to be Johnny Cage, the famously obnoxious a-list actor. He didn't need to wear the facade of strength. He could simply be himself, the broken and imperfect John Carlton, and still be worthy of support and compassion.

Touched by Kenshi's reassurance, Johnny nodded, his voice soft but sincere. "Thank you, Kenshi," he said, his words carrying the weight of his emotions. "I appreciate it. I just... I don't know how to handle all of this."

"You don't have to have all the answers right now," Kenshi said, his tone gentle. "Now come on, let's get you out of that and cleaned up.”

Kenshi gently tugged Johnny, wanting him to stand, offering him support. Kenshi's gentle insistence was a lifeline for Johnny, and he nodded in agreement. With Kenshi's support, he slowly rose to his feet, the exhaustion and pain in his body making the simple act of standing feel like an accomplishment. Together, they began the process of removing Johnny's armor, piece by piece. Kenshi's assistance was careful and considerate, as he made sure not to exacerbate Johnny's injuries. With each piece that was removed, Johnny felt a little lighter, as if he were shedding not just his physical armor but also the emotional burdens he had been carrying.

Once the armor was removed, Kenshi led Johnny to the connecting washroom, where he began the process of cleaning him up. The warm water felt soothing against Johnny's skin, washing away the dirt and grime of battle. Kenshi's careful touch and quiet presence offered a sense of comfort and safety that Johnny hadn't realized he needed. Johnny didn't want to think how intimate this was, too afraid to say anything out loud. But the feeling of Kenshi’s fingers running through his hair brought a faint smile to his face. He allowed Kenshi to tend to his wounds, knowing he could dress them far better than Johnny, and Kenshi did it with such care.

Johnny felt better than he had before, his self-doubt still clinging to him, but Kenshi was slowly chasing it away. He laid down on his bedroll, groaning softly, his body still in pain. He turned his head to look at Kenshi sitting crosslegged on his mattress, Sento seated on the floor beside him, leaving him sightless once more.

“Im sorry, Kenshi, if I hadn’t froze, you’d-” He was cut off.

Kenshi's head turned in Johnny's direction, seemingly fixed on him despite his lack of sight. There was a calm determination in his voice as he interrupted Johnny, his words carrying a depth of understanding that seemed to transcend his lack of vision.

"Johnny, you can’t blame yourself for what happened," Kenshi said, his tone firm yet gentle. "No one is to blame for my injury but me, and I do not regret it. I saved you, and I’d do it again and again, even with the cost of my sight."

Kenshi's words carried a weight of conviction that Johnny couldn't easily dismiss. He had always admired Kenshi's sense of honor and sacrifice, but hearing him say that he would make the same choice again, even with the cost of his sight, left Johnny feeling conflicted.

"I was the reason for losing your eyes; how can you say that?" Johnny frowned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and guilt.

There was a quiet strength in his voice as he replied, "It was my choice, Johnny. I've been the reason for so much blood being spilled, and I couldn't live with the idea of you dying because of me. I chose to protect you, and I stand by that choice."

Kenshi could sense the face Johnny was making, and he slowly shifted across the floor, using his hand to make sure nothing was in his way. Eventually, he was next to Johnny; he nudged the man, silently telling him to scoot over. Feeling Kenshi's gentle nudge, Johnny shifted to make room for his friend. He moved over on the bedroll, allowing Kenshi to sit down beside him. Despite the darkness that surrounded them, there was a warmth in Kenshi's presence that brought comfort to Johnny's troubled heart.

“Stop making that face, Cage,” Kenshi settled down beside him, his calm energy a soothing presence, ”You can’t change the past.”

Johnny sighed, the weight of his guilt slowly lifting in the face of Kenshi's wisdom. He turned to his friend, his eyes reflecting gratitude for the understanding and comfort Kenshi provided.

"I know, Kenshi," he said, his voice softer now. "It's just...hard, you know? Seeing you sacrifice so much for me, it's not something I can easily accept."

Kenshi placed a reassuring hand on Johnny's shoulder, his touch grounding and supportive. "I chose to protect you, Johnny," he said, his tone gentle yet firm. "And I would make the same choice again. Now sleep.”

Kenshi shifted closer and rested his head next to Johnny’s, their bodies practically on top of each other on the small mattress. Johnny sighed softly, leaning into Kenshi and closing his eyes. He didn't know if he’d actually get any sleep, but that's something to worry about later.

[glasskey]

I’m Gonna Cut Your F#cking Heart Out - The June Osborne Hit List Pt 3.

With Season 6 in the making and its release just a few months away, I have been hammering out a few more of these to vent my frustration and calm my nerves, as I quietly climb the walls. Today I’m kicking off with a quote I failed to mention from S2, and oh boy it was a good one.

Thank you for bringing me that.

I neglected to include this one in last seasons Hit list and I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry. Nick returns from Canada, delivering a message from June’s family and friends. She’s not seen them in years, by now Blaine’s neck deep in love with Osborne and this is the most precious thing he could possibly give her. At first she greets him enthusiastically, she’s missed him, but somethings not quite right. During his recent jaunt to Canada Blaine suddenly became aware of his ultimate impermanence, and is now slightly distant. “I met your husband” he says and immediately her face drops. Moss plays this scene beautifully, there’s a litany of emotions that pass over her, as she learns about Luke and Moira. She’s deeply concerned and yet so overjoyed her eyes fill with tears.

“Thank you for bringing me that” she says through her tears, it’s an incredible gift and Osborne is aware it’s come at a cost. Blaine is in love with her, this was painful, not to mention incredibly dangerous. In later episodes Fred arranges for June to see Hannah as “an act of kindness”, but it’s just 5 minutes, only to have her daughter ripped from her once again, leaving Nick holding a distraught June. This was not a gift, this was a painful reminder of what it was like to lose her daughter and it drew a sharp line between the two men, and their innate sense of kindness and compassion.

As Blaine watches an elated June swept up in the news and memories of her family and friends, he acknowledges with simple clarity his newfound understanding; “I should go” Blaine says. He intends to extricate himself from her emotionally and return her to her family, but before he leaves the room he tells her he loves her. Why? Nick Blaine regardless of his position wants June to know that while she cannot be with her family in Canada, there is someone here who loves her. She is pregnant, she is vulnerable, but she is not alone. His character was criticized for the timing of this statement, but this message from her family and his confession was one of greatest acts of tenderness we ever saw from Blaine.

Meeting Luke was an uncomfortable revelation that she indeed had another life, that she was stolen from a happy family. In S5 Ep 10 Nicks words “I’m nothing” brought this moment back so vividly, his meeting with Luke painfully revealing his value as merely a placeholder for a loving family…”Just a driver.” In S5 Ep10, Blaine silently sits at her bedside, watching, never waking her…..”I should go” he’d said to her…….”It’s probably better if she doesn’t know I was here” he echoes to Tuello. She stirs as he leaves the room. He never knew she nearly woke. She never knew he was there. “Thank you for bringing me that” June says to him and as Blaine almost limps out of the room, the weight of his pain is almost visible. He’s utterly heartbroken. Her joy had cost him, but when it came to paying the price, ultimately Blaine never gave a fuck.

You will never be free of me

It’s the infamous Serena and June break up scene and I am here for it. June’s angry and hurt. Serena has betrayed her, Nick has abandoned her and her country has been destroyed by these fascist fucks. Time to lay it all out and give Serena a dose of reality. Nicole and Hannah are HER daughters, and June’s here to tell her that anything Serena may have cooked up to the contrary in her twisted little psyche, is an absolute fantasy.

She was never a baby momma, and nothing she does is going to fill the giant vacant black hole inside her; not a vast evil empire and definitely not June’s stolen daughter. June HATES her, and what’s worse is she’s determined to haunt her every step, either through her actual physical self or the insurmountable guilt of her collective acts, until both her daughters are free. As June lays it out, calling Serena cold and empty, her words echo around the cold empty pavilion.

Serena starts to feel a bit sorry for herself here, her eyes fill with tears and as June talks she looks like she’s about to crumble. But why would she care? Serena’s the resident ice queen and she’s been nothing but hostile and cold blooded to June since she arrived, with a few exceptions. Well it’s worth remembering that Serena doesn’t really have any friends, she’s just surrounded by fellow back-stabbing, pearl-clutching Gilead wives and creepy old Fred. As fancy as the Waterford’s may be, Serena Waterford is anything but a typical compliant Gilead wifey; she’s written books, she’s an academic, she’s smart, articulate and time and time again we see her attempt to establish some semblance of power equal to her male counterparts.

Serena constantly struggles between what she sees as the virtue of female servitude, and her desire to have the freedom that comes with gender equality. The fact is Serena admires June, her strength, her resourcefulness, her power, her ability to garner devotion and inspire true love. June is the embodiment of everything Serena wants and she gave it all up for shitty old Fred who doesn’t love her, and cut off her finger. “I should have put a ring in your mouth” Serena seethes, wishing she could silence the constant voice of liberty from tempting her. “I should have let you burn when I had the chance” says June, regretting she didn’t see the formation of Gilead coming, and destroy or at least escape it in time.

Technically Serena’s won this one, she makes her kneel in front of a legion of handmaids, but for the next season and a half she’ll be sporting that trademark June sized hole in her icy black heart.

Bad Luck

June has just been dragged into Gilead torture central, they’ve water boarded her, locked her in a box and pushed her friends off a roof. None of it worked. She’s not talking and something must be done. Nick’s been busy plotting and twisting arms behind the scenes, and lo and behold here comes Lawrence to try and talk some sense into her about giving up the Handmaid’s. During their friendly chat, Lawrence lets slip a bunch of commanders have become a tad unwell from being poisoned at a Jezebels June just happened to be in the local vicinity of. Oops.

“It’s bad luck” gloats June casually, they both know who’s responsible here. Lawrence has had the full measure of June before, the reckless sacrifice she is willing to make in order to get shit done, be it a plane load of kids, or a bunch of dead commanders. It’s not the first time she’s killed one and it certainly won’t be the last, in fact apart from Nick and Lawrence, there’s nary a commander alive that she wouldn’t slaughter given half the chance. Unfortunately she’s forgotten who else is at stake here; her own daughter. June has been running amuck confident in the knowledge that while Gilead would happily see her swing, it would never lay a pinky on a child. After all isn’t that what all this old timey fuss and bother is all about?

Apparently not, Lawrence informs her, as with any good regime it’s all about power and in Gilead’s case, children are the currency. Sadly this includes Hannah. At first she doesn’t believe him but unfortunately Lawrence is not in the habit of lying; Gilead have their own methods of illustrating their point no matter how painful. The next scene is one of the most heartbreaking and difficult scenes I’ve ever had to watch on this show. June is taken to see Hannah trapped in clear glass box under unyielding lights.

She scurries away from June, petrified by the sight of this shackled woman she barely recognizes. June’s at first startled. Shocked by the realization that her own child is terrified of her, and then gently she tries to pacify her, inching towards her and speaking softly. It’s like watching someone trying to soothe a scared animal.

Hannah looks at June with those huge, familiar, brown eyes, whimpering, cornered. And just like that, Gilead broke her.

Do You Understand Me?

This one is a call back to Season 1 when Serena went from 0 to 100 in the space of 10 seconds slamming June to the floor in a fit of rage because she hadn’t managed to get knocked up. Personally I think this was a culminative reaction, it’s not simply her losing shit over the absence of a baby. Serena loathes the ceremony, you can tell from her icy request for June to get the fuck out after Fred was done with her. Consider for a moment that June is not the first handmaid that has dwelt under the Waterford’s roof, and you may begin to understand EXACTLY how many times Serena has participated in this horrific ordeal. The fact is, she’s overjoyed she won’t have to go through one more incidence of watching her own husband trying to impregnate another woman. It’s absolutely grueling. In later episodes there’s a reference to the fact that Fred had previously inflicted extra-curricular activities on his former handmaid, activities that Serena had been aware of. When June arrives at the house Serena is quick to advise June that Fred is HER husband, unfortunately Fred wastes no time in dissolving the illusion that they are actually in love and proceeds to get handsy with June.

As Serena hurtles June to the floor and screams in her face there’s a bitter sense of not only rage but frustration. When will she be free of this nightmare? What ensues is a battle of wills and wits that June eventually wins. No matter, Serena never forgets….back to the plotting corner. In Season 4 June learns that Serena’s in Canada. Fucking Serena. Can’t even move countries without tripping over her it seems. Not only that but she IS in fact preggers and lo and behold it’s Fred’s. June is seething; had she endured all this shit for nothing? Locked in a room for weeks, raped, electrocuted, beaten, threatened. Time to pay Serena a visit. June, like everyone else has realized there’s nothing quite like bathing in Serena tears, it’s deliciously therapeutic. As June strolls into her cushy little “prison”, Serena is stupid enough to tell June that she “prayed for this”, assuming that simply asking for forgiveness will guarantee it. It doesn’t.

June’s come to deliver a message and she won’t be giving Serena anything, in fact she intends to take a proverbial pound of flesh while she’s at it. She’s seething with rage and in a display of biblical wrath, she lays down a good old fashioned curse on Serena’s unborn progeny. Serena deteriorates into a sobbing mess, the whole incident signaling the Handmaid Lite role that Serena was to undertake in season 5.

This phrase shows up again in season 5, this time with an almost forgiving tone after Noah is born. “Do you understand me?” binds these women together as their relationship shifts and grows throughout the seasons. June and Serena are almost mirror images and as such this asks not only if they understand one another, but also if they understand themselves.

[umbrellalavender]

Umbrella Academy spoilers:

I’ve just finished the show.

I’m balling my eyes out on my sofa. Yet at the same time I feel so emotionally numb.

I enjoyed this season so much!

I don’t know if the ending was satisfying or not. I just don’t know. It made me feel something.

I was singing along to I Think We’re Alone Now just crying at the end. And I was screaming seeing all the characters back. And when Gabriel Bà was in it! (It might have been better if I watched it yesterday, considering that’s the day Pogo said?)

There were some moments that just really hit! Lila sending her family off to another timeline knowing that she’s going to have to sacrifice herself. Her and Allison knowing that their children aren’t going to have parents. And just seeing them on the field all happy made me cry so much.

I hate to admit that I wasn’t satisfied with Ben’s ending. I thought it would be a bit more emotional, but it just kind of sucked that he didn’t get that time with the others at the end. The effects when he was turning just made me laugh as well. Ben’s my favourite so I’m annoyed he didn’t get that time.

Also, I do kind of ship Ben and Jennifer. I’m not that familiar with MCR lore, but they remind me of the demolition lovers. When I think about them, I think about the ending of I Never Told You What I Do for a Living, “And never again, and never again, they gave us to shots to the back of the head and we’re all dead now.”

Umbrella Ben’s death hit me so hard! I was expecting this really emotional moment, but the lack of emotions in it really made it.

One: Ben was sent on this mission despite not wanting to go.

Two: They were made to blow up something with a living being inside. Ben didn’t want to blow up someone.

Three: Reginald shot Jennifer and his own son with no remorse what so ever. In front of his siblings!

Four: Ben and Jennifer’s body being the title card felt so brutal!

Five: Reginald wiped their minds so they wouldn’t remember what even happened to their own brother.

Six: He put the blame on his siblings! And gave that utterly shit eulogy! Somehow, that funeral scene found a way to become even more shitty, which is quite impressive!

Honestly, I think this was the best way to do it. There are so many questions around it too. Was Pogo aware of what happened? Was Ben? I get the idea that Umbrella Ben remembers being shot, but he probably wouldn’t know who killed him. Ben wouldn’t know that his siblings didn’t know?

I love Abigail and Reginald! It took me by surprise that Abigail was responsible for this and that she wanted the opposite to what Reggie wanted. Reggie had done all this to bring her back and she wanted to end it all. In a way, Reginald is quite similar to the children with his motivations and it really shines through this season. Colm Feore plays him so well! He’s funny and detestable at the same time.

I also really enjoy the subway system! I think it was a really cool way to show them travelling through timelines.

This might be controversial, but I enjoyed the Five and Lila situation. I’ve seen quite a lot of hate for it. But it made an interesting dynamic when they got back. And it also makes sense for the characters. They had been stuck jumping through timelines for 7 years.

I love that there are quite a lot of comic references in here. A small one is that I recognised who Jennifer was before her name was revealed because her name badge was the same design as the comics. Pretty proud of myself for that one!

But mostly that Klaus got to have his Hotel Oblivion story arc (it is Hotel Oblivion, right).

I have calmed down a little bit after writing this. It really feels like the end, you know? There’s no easy way to just bring the characters back in my mind and I don’t like that. I feel like after every season, I just feel smaller and smaller because of how many timelines they introduce. And this one is the same. It does a much better job at making me feel small. I still feel like there are many mysteries, which would be fun to delve into fanfiction for!

So, yeah. Long ramble about season 4. I enjoyed this season so much. And this show has meant a lot to me over the years. I can’t believe it’s over.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hello, I hope you’re well. Genuine question, I know it’s joked about quite a lot, but what do you think Edward’s reaction would’ve been if at some point (probably before we get to breaking dawn), Bella had suggested that Edward, Jacob and her were in a polyamorous relationship. She loves both of them and she just can’t choose, so she decides that’s the only solution? Likewise, how would Jacob have taken it? (I imagine not quite as badly as Edward?)

For the Love of a Woman by me and @therealvinelle

Leech in the Rain by me and @therealvinelle

Caveat

This wouldn't happen both because it didn't and because that's not really what Bella wants. Bella's in this weird situation where Edward and Jacob are both gaslighting her into believing she wants a sexual relationship with Jacob. Now, she does find Jacob attractive, and she is very emotionally close to him, and things are deeply awkward at the wedding when they slow dance in a way that would have had me raising my eyebrows had I been there in person, but that doesn't seem to be what Bella wants from him.

What she wants from Jacob is for him to remain her best friend and emotional support. Jacob is the one who insists this is a romantic love, that she loves him as much as she does Edward, while Bella goes "... nooooooo I think it's difffereeeeeeeent" and neither Edward nor Jacob listening to her about it for their own reasons.

Add to that that Bella's terrified of jeopardizing her relationship with Edward. She will (and did) absolutely drop Jacob to keep Edward, 100%. Jacob makes it clear many times, even leaves town, and Bella agrees to marry Edward and turn into a vampire knowing Jacob has said he will be out because she can't lose Edward.

She's not suggesting to Edward that she actually does want to sleep with another man, let alone Jacob, who Edward has accused her of wanting to/wanted her to be with Jacob instead of him. This could cause their relationship to collapse, the Cullens to move, and Bella to not become a vampire.

And of course, that Jacob was very clear that he despised Edward/vampires in general and could barely tolerate let alone sleep with one.

It was very clearly made into an ultimatum: Bella could not choose both.

So, Bella chose Edward.

(The caveat to this caveat is that Jacob and Edward might suggest this: in which case Bella would cry, end up having to get turned by Carlisle, and Jacob/Edward takes off.

The other caveat being Leech in the Rain when Bella is safely turned but her life has utterly imploded, Edward's falling apart emotionally, and her seeking comfort from Jacob turns into "let's make a threesome tee-hee")

But She Does It

Bella summons her courage after having been made to believe she wants both Edward and Jacob sexually. She's an unconventional modern girl, marriage is stupid anyway, and she's in true love with Edward and Jacob in different ways but the same way so that's all okay. You can't choose love, you know?

So, Bella deep into the night comes up with the solution: she will fuck them both and live happily ever after.

This idea lasts 0.01 seconds.

Edward says "no" firmly. He wants to get married to have sex with her/before he turns her, he doesn't want to sleep with Jacob, don't be ridiculous Bella.

However, Bella, if you do want to choose Jacob, Edward will disappear out of her life like the morning mist never to have existed in the first place. He loves Bella, of course, but he believes she should live a human life and Jacob is technically better for her. Even if she loves Edward, she should choose Jacob. Woe.

Bella backtracks hard.

Then Edward backtracks because actually...

To have a relationship with Jacob, Bella would need to be human. If Edward has to suffer being in the room and watching them go, he'll do it, if it keeps her human. Jacob, too, might go for it so long as Bella will remain human even if it means sharing.

Jacob, while reluctant, is eventually amenable as he too would do nearly anything to keep Bella human.

We end up in a For the Love of a Woman variant, where Bella quickly realizes she doesn't like this, as Jacob and Edward are talking about her only fucking Jacob in front of Edward while he does nothing and Bella stays human.

No amount of backtracking gets Edward and Jacob to go back to the way things used to be.

Bella ends up having to dump them both, becomes a vampire, and is very sad.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.206 thoughts

[Mazel Tov]

(Contents: Character analysis - Feng/Soul/Language)

And with that, the Medaka Box shiritori arc is concluded, and man what an arc it was! I think it's a bit unfortunate it had to come after the Golden Week break, that kind of took the steam out of this finale a little bit for me, but damn it was still so good!

Might just be recency bias, but I think this might be one of my overall favorite arcs. It facilitated two different major character arcs (Nico and Feng), gave Ichico some much-needed characterization, showed just how much personality the current antagonists can have, had easily my favorite concept for a fight so far, and elaborated on the power system in a very fun and interesting way. This finale was especially fitting because it managed to touch on all of those concepts, like it was reviewing everything that happened up to now

Starting with Feng, seeing him continue to play the lone-wolf card only to rescind it and actually thank Nico for helping him is just so satisfying, as it illustrates the major change in Feng's character that we've been hoping for all along. By offering his strength in return for the new heights he was able to bring that strength to, Feng directly acknowledges that he wouldn't have been able to reach that level alone, at least not so quickly, and suggests that he's finally begun to learn what Fuuko was trying to teach him about fighting for the sake of others. He hasn't necessarily internalized that lesson yet, but this was an absolutely necessary step on the way to completing that particular character arc

Of course, Feng is still Feng; when he notices a twinge of doubt and weakness in Language, he derides her "what kind of buffoon would think of anything other than victory during mortal combat?" Of course, there's tons of valid answers to that question, but I think the important thing here is that this line suggests that Feng's overall focus, self-improvement and victory, remains unchanged, and that's okay. Feng wants to be strong and defeat others, that's what makes him happy, and he's not wrong for it. What was wrong was his approach, which made it seem like his goal was wrong. Now that he's on a better path, his goals no longer seem like a justification for cruel behavior, just lofty aspirations

This line also harkens back to a major theme of this arc: imagination. The ability to visualize the outcome you want is vital to creating it. This principle was applied very literally in the shiritori battle, where one's imagination was necessary to conjure viable attacks or defenses, so when Language had the thought "this can beat me," that was as good as confirming that she had already lost. I think this is also why "living" conjurations would damage the user upon their destruction; while a wall or a meteor would still be constructed from the user's soul, those things can't be "hurt," but a dragon or a yokai or a god can. They are alive, and being killed is much easier to empathize with than something being broken. You can imagine what it feels like to be cut or burned, so since it's a part of you, the destruction of that piece of your soul is inherently shared with you. Basically, if Language had been able to think something to the effect of "I can still save this," she might have been capable of turning things around, but instead she admitted defeat before she'd even realized it

Speaking of, the look on Soul's face as Language apologized for losing was so utterly human. We've seen UMA have feelings before, but Soul was heartbroken there. His eyes widened by surprise, fear and sadness as she called out his name, how they narrowed with resignation and acceptance upon hearing her admit defeat...it was like seeing Fuuko watch her friends die fighting Sun

The Master Rules have died before, and presuming they win, they'll come back for sure, but that doesn't mean it has to be easy on them emotionally. It's hard to say how the Master Rules feel about each other as a whole, but Soul was definitely affected by Beast's death just as much as he is here by Language's. Whatever they think of him, I think it's very clear that they're Soul's friends and family, and I'm very interested to see how Language's death spurs him into action next

On the subject of the Master Rules dying, I've seen some criticism of Language's core just being her head popping off of her body, but it's not really that different conceptually from Ichico's soul being her head, is it? They both even have the hair tentacles. I think this is meant to further convey just how close to human the Master Rules are, something I imagine is going to be expanded much further upon in the near future, so I'm not going to go much further into it now aside from the surface level symbolism

Language does clearly have a much more nuanced level of sentimentality than most any previous UMA, though. We've seen Burn express his desire to meet God, Clothes jumping through hoops to justify helping Fuuko to himself, and Spring actively wanting to be accepted by humans, but Language had a personal, vested interest in one person. Language viewed Nico as her rival, and used that rivalry to propel herself to greater heights (another way this arc ties into Feng's themes, by the way), but she also loved him. She wasn't waiting for billions of years just to get revenge, she was waiting for someone who could make her feel fulfilled. If she just wanted revenge, she would be cursing him as she died this time around, but instead she sends him off with congratulations and well-wishes. She died with a smile on her face and told Nico to have a happy marriage; how can that possibly be taken as anything other than an act of humanity?

I can only hope that we see that level of humanity from the other Master Rules, but fingers crossed it won't be for a little while. After this arc, I could sure use a breather chapter or six!

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[cookinguptales]

nandorisms said: I don't think it was ever going to work in the first place. Freddie was a bandaid. A last-ditch effort at trying to have a normal life outside of Nandor and his clusterfuck of a found family. But he isn't normal and hasn't been for years. Freddie was Guillermo trying to convince himself that he could move on, and Marwa was Nandor's effort to convince Guillermo to stay.

----------

tbh, I agree.

I think that Freddie very much was an "I don't need them, I don't need any of them" solution for Guillermo while he was in London.

Like... Guillermo was at his most loyal in s3. Like distressingly loyal sometimes. And what did that get him? At his absolute highest moment of happiness, he's shoved in a fucking box and mailed across the ocean. No one comes to save him, no one is there to comfort him. He has a moment in that box where he truly fears death, and he is despondent. He realizes that he has dedicated his entire life to people who (he believes) would not do the same for him, and he has in the process alienated his family and all the other humans who might have loved him.

Then he does live but he is utterly alone. He's away from the house and the very meager support system he'd created for himself, Nandor does not come for him, and Nadja seems to have largely abandoned him to his own devices while she did Council stuff.

So he's alone for the first time in his life, both physically and emotionally, and he meets this guy. And this guy talks to him and says nice things to him and doesn't actively abuse him, which puts him miles above most people he knows. So Freddie becomes really, really easy for Guillermo to romanticize. He's another option to the insanity his life has become, and one that is at that moment very attractive.

I think at that point, Freddie really comes to symbolize all the things Guillermo can have if he chooses to be human. This is a human man who thinks that Guillermo is normal and likes the "normal" version of Guillermo. Guillermo can go on daytime dates with this guy. He doesn't have to worry about being killed when he goes out with him. Freddie treats him like a normal human would -- which doesn't quite have the highs that Guillermo has come to expect, but not the lows, either.

Freddie is a guy that Guillermo could bring home to his family, which is another thing that Guillermo is strongly prioritizing in s4 after his experience in London. Which is one reason why it's so fascinating that even after he successfully came out to his family, it doesn't appear that he ever told them about Freddie. Was he just waiting for the right time? Or was there something subconsciously holding him back...

Because the thing is... when Guillermo finally makes it back to Staten Island, he realizes he was wrong. Nandor never meant to abandon him; if anything, Nandor believes that Guillermo abandoned him. Nandor immediately offers him this place of honor at his side, and it's something new. It's not professional and it's not romantic and Guillermo allows himself to throw himself into it because it doesn't upset the very delicate balancing act he currently has in his head.

And then... the others follow suit. Baby Colin comes to love his caretakers, and Guillermo clearly cares about him back. His sniping with Laszlo eventually calms down to a place of mutual respect, as far as childrearing goes. Nadja finally comes to trust him enough to help her manage the club (a bad choice, considering they are very similar in all the worst ways) and they have that really lovely bonding moment over family.

Guillermo, in other words, is being presented with a third option. Not the dismissive vampires from before and not the allure of normalcy, but a vampiric world in which he is ultimately respected, if not completely accepted as one of their own.

But Guillermo is loyal to a fault and he couldn't give up this fantasy of what Freddie could be to him -- someone who loved him, someone who he could be normal with, someone he wouldn't have to sacrifice his family for, someone who would finally, finally put him first. Until it becomes painfully obvious that Freddie would never be that person and Guillermo was only ever romanticizing a relationship just as toxic as all the ones he'd had previously.

And I think that that point Guillermo really had to come to terms with what he wanted and what he was capable of. I do really wish that the show had followed that character arc a little closer (Guillermo realizing that his human parts and his supernatural parts were at odds with each other and he was going to have to make some hard choices) but I think you can see that in his final choice.

Guillermo, to put a long story short, chooses a fourth option. He's given up on Freddie handing him his happiness and he's given up on Nandor handing him his happiness. He's finally chosen to throw himself bodily into the world of vampirism, giving up on his human potential and demanding full vampiric acceptance, and he's going to make that life himself.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We'll see if it works.

And god, Marwa is a whole different post. I have a lot of thoughts about the way that Nandor thinks of his wives (and Guillermo, to a lesser extent) as extensions of himself, his to control, possess, and manipulate -- but how the thing that he's really most attracted to is rebellion and the ability to think for oneself. And how that also tied in with how he saw Freddie as an extension of Guillermo and therefore something that he needed to possess as well.

lmao they're both so bad at this.

[shadyvoidhologram]

I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.

[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]

So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.

Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".

Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.

Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.

And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.

When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.

Then Jimmy finds the gun.

And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.

Soon enough it's just the two of them left.

Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.

But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.

He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.

He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.

Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.

When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.

It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.

As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.

He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.

..ok see y'all when I wake up-