#when Tessa spend a lot of time with J?? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

traumatizedartist · 18 days ago

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*AHEM*

My murder drones au headcannons (the one with actual digital art)

These 👇

Anyways yknow the drill at this point, look under the cut for the headcannons

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT IN THE HEADCANNONS (I'll have it be in red so you can skip past it if it makes you uncomfortable)

Uzi- Autistic, clearly

She has daddy issues but not nearly as bad as in canon(Khan doesn't leave her for dead in this au she "sacrifices herself") she's still super emo. She has a more scene style. Her, Lizzy and Doll are actually kinda close, they become even closer(become friends) after the series ends, cuz, yknow, Uzi saved the world? Anyways, she's dating N, and she doesn't care that he killed her mom(I mean she does but it only affected them for like, a year, so I guess a long time, they actually broke up cuz of it but they were both fuckin miserable and Nori slapped some sence into her cuz she saw how N looked before killing her and he looked so guilty ((wow the run on sentence go crazy))) So yeah they're the dictionary definition of a great not toxic couple

N- very sweet, very loving good boy. He has PTSD, obviously. It's like, really bad tho. Nightmares every night level bad, and that's how him and this aus Khan bond. They trauma bond, yay!! He's very in touch with his emotions, and he's a bit of a push over. He's a very big people pleaser and has a lot of trouble placing boundaries. Uzi helps him with that when they start dating, so that he doesn't get hurt all the time

V- once you crack her shell, she's a very shy and sweet person, not like her personality back at the manor, but like a mix of her current canon personality and manor. C PTSD, she remembered more than N about the manor before Uzi unlocked those memories. She also has nightmares a lot but Lizzy and Doll help her with them. Nothing cuddles and wholesome movies can't fix. At least for a little bit.

J- bless this girls lonely heart. She's still greiving Tessa(she's alive in Uzis mind just no one knows yet) she ends up breaking down after her and N get into a mother fight after he tries to be there for her for the like, 10000th time. When she comes back to the bunker with N, everyone, understandably, is very suspicious of her. But when she does get there, for the first few months, she's just a husk of her old self. Shes quite and agrees to do anything because she just doesn't care anymore, the moment she starts to truly feel at home is, ironically, during her rock bottom

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT

V is the one that finds her, she had gotten worried when she noticed all the uneaten oil in front of Js room. When she comes in she sees J with her rifle to her head.

TW OVER

V tackles her and starts interrogating her, asking why and is very worried. J, seeing this, just breaks, she begins to bawl her eyes out, crying about how much she misses Tessa, how she was the love of her life and can't live without her, how she wants to be with her, how she can't take it anymore. V and J spend the next 3 to 4 hours crying together. V had texted N telling him what happened and to get his ass over there now. So, of course he does,when he gets there he sees them hugging and J crying and he joins them, bringing the oil so when Js done crying she can eat. She had been starving herself toAnd this is when J truly sees how much people care about her, which, in turn, makes her cry even harder. When she's done crying N feeds her the oil and they cuddle together for a while. She's a lot better now but she's in for a very big surprise

Cyn- that's right baby! Cyns alive! Because I felt so SO bad for her that I had to have her live in my au. She still talks the same, but she's very sweet and innocent, her and Uzi have an older/younger sister relationship. Her and N reunite in the cutest way, they're both crying and hugging super tight. V and J are tearing up as well. I have more headcannons about her on my drawing of her lol so wait for that lol

Tessa- I don't have a lot of headcannons for Tessa, so just go to the hashtag Died and got over it and take pretty much all the headcannons of Tessa from there and that's how it is here pretty much lol(I'll find the @ I promise)

Thad- he's a straight ally and single(looking at you @rory-multifandom-mess) he's Lizzy's younger twin brother and his personality is pretty much the same. He's friends with the wrong people. He's a very big sweetheart. He's a Femininominon. A green flag icon. The best football player on his team(he isn't a dick about it tho) I don't have anything else for him but I do have a drawing for him so you'll have to wait on that as well lol. Srry

Lizzy- Thads older twin. She's dating V and Doll(you can't stop me) she became friends with Uzi after the show ended. She's a Y2K girlie. She is also very sweet when you tear down the asshole popular girl walls. She's quite traumatized from the show and sometimes has nightmares about it. She doesn't tell anyone but people found out(*cough cough* V and Doll *cough cough*)

Doll- she's dating V and Lizzy, she was never revengeful of V, as her dad survived the attack(so did her mom but literally no one knows that yet) she's still very blunt and has a flat affect, she also doesn't show her emotions a lot, but from the unfinished comic I already posted, when V and Lizzy get back to the bunker after the canon ends she breaks down. She thought they were dead. Uzi and her are cousins(not really but their dads are best friends so they view each other as cousins) I don't even have a last name for her yet so you'll have to wait(again) for the drawing to see more headcannons of her)

Khan- WOOO WE'VE HIT THE JACKPOT BABY! Autistic. He's half DD in my au(and he has the solver with the back hand things that we see nori having at the beginning of episode 7 I think, either 7 or 6 idk) idk how hes part DD yet, my thoughts are either forbidden love or cabin fever failed experiment. I'll probably make a poll of that, see which ones you all like the most. He's very insecure about his body, he used to get bullied back in high school because, no matter which choice I make, he gets to experience high school(with the cabin fever experiment he went missing for like, a year, and then escaped, he tried to get nori and yeva but they told him to go or he'd get killed, so he left, he still has a lot of pent up guilt from that) he's also a trans man(YIPPIE) but he's also curvy, hence the insecurity. He's a good dad and actually helped with the fight with the AS(he fought j as a distraction and effectively got his ass beat((Lizzy laughed at him, he also laughed, he's a dumbass))) so he had to recover from that, also, in my au, him, the teacher(I'm naming him Lewis) and nori are dating, so when Lewis is hanging for his fucking life Khan flies down and saves him lol. Also, he does get to reunite with nori, as everything that happened to her in the show happens in my au, but them reuniting happens differently, through Uzi(yay)

Guh, I've ran out of ideas so when I get more(and the motivation to write more) I'll reblog this post with more headcannons, hope y'all like this lol

#murder drones v #murder drones #murder drones au #khan doorman #nori doorman #serial designation j #serial designation n #serial destination v #murder drones doll #murder drones lizzy #murder drones thad #murder drones teacher(Lewis)#murder drones teacher #tessa james elliot #murder drones cyn #murder drones uzi #uzi doorman #murder drones headcanons

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jazzyblusnowflake · 7 months ago

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You've got some cool headcanons for Nuzi and Vuzi, but what about the third? You got any for EnVy?

Wow i suck at answering these on time smh. sighhhh, in my defense i procrastinate answering some questions cuz i don't wanna just put together some random stuff and call it a day-

i actually wrote some stuff for some asks before but had to delete it last minute cuz i thought its worth putting more time than that, i guess TvT sorry, im probably taking this too seriously idk.

My eNVee headcanons TvT:

[yall know the drill, the drone versions only, the human versions aren’t involved, and no nsfw- for now.]

k so, light envuzi involved too, Uzi is the mediator here, whether u consider her a friend here or their mini toaster in the middle- also there's some of the stuff from my future version where V is safe and sound thankfully. and also maybe some stuff from their past too.

With how N was realizing that V was lying or hiding stuff from him in a constant manner, naturally he grew to grieve the loss of who V USED to be, and with that loss he tried to accept that he has to let her go, because the V he fell in love with was long gone. despite this, when they both started teasing each other over their relationship with Uzi and N started to bite back a bit at Vs behaviors with more self confidence, they grew to form a completely different kind of relationship. Uzi was just having fun seeing them try to win her over lmao; but in the end they kind of started enjoying eachothers company again. Uzi felt happy seeing them get closure for the things they went through and was more than happy to support them through it.

Back at the manor V was fixed up after J and N, she was one of the later drones added to the family, she hardly spent much time at the manor at all before the great yeetening happened- she was originally a maid drone for a family before she was broken and dumped in the drone corpse junkyard. Maid drones are programmed with sweet and soft AIs with more round/short body shapes to have a friendly image in a household, they are made to be able to deal with both adults and kids, and they are best made for cleaning and setting up the house in mind. N was made as a butler/chauffeur before getting broken and yeeted in the junkyard [yes he can drive]. Due to V getting broken for some sort of mistake during work, she was left scarred after her reboot to make any more mistakes, which left her slightly jitter-ish and clumsy. Tessa put N in charge to help her around and although at the beginning V didn't talk much and felt unsure, slowly N became her safe space- especially since Tessas abusive parents remind V alot of her old household. N in turn thought V was always cute, he helped her with her work, having more steady hands, which ended with a lot more hand touching and blushing on both their ends :p

N was the one that suggested glasses for V which Tessa decided to try doing to see if it would help her visual efficiency in any way, and it did. V as a DD often tries to rely on her real eyes rather than look through her main visor, the glasses remind her too much of N...

N and V sometimes used to get out of the manor in secret spots to spend some time away from the chaos to help V calm down. during this time they would read books, learn stuff from each others past lives, and sometimes draw lol, but V just liked watching and listening to N, she felt happy with him. although unlike N, V felt a bit nervous around the animals in the area XD

N and V actually have shared kisses, just not on the lips. with N kissing her on the back of her hand as a gentleman and V giving him kisses on his cheek [Tessa's idea of a cute plan to put them under a mistletoe lol], but Vs last words to N was a promise to give him a kiss before she became comatose. as more drones in the manor stopped working and Ns efficiency and work became less useful to the manors occupants due to him wanting to spend time with V all the time, Louisa and James started becoming more impatient with Tessa's drones, which lead to the whole "get rid of them" line...

back in the current time V is obviously trying to protect N in her own traumatized way; but even then, most of the things she had done to "shelter" N, was probably not the best choice one could make, and some of it was done out of jealousy towards N and Uzi getting closer. However, slowly she started convincing herself that N deserved someone like Uzi. V had convinced herself that she deserves nothing. She was willing to give up everything for N and keep him safe from the beginning, even if it meant knocking N down a few limbs/heads just to keep him away from danger- which is problematic in itself. she made choices based off fear and urgency. she was always traumatized.

When N and V started getting along together a bit more and hanging around a bit in the human cities- V takes N to a bookstore she found once and they spent the whole day in the shelter of the store reading different old books. V still does not admit she did this to see N happy again lol.

When N started showing V affection again, V started becoming heavily touch starved and dependent on him again, just like the manor days, which she feared, which caused a minor set back for a while where she tried to avoid N. Uzi had to come and fix this shit cuz apparently only she can scold 2 dinosaurs without feeling intimidated. after N and V kiss for the first time PROPERLY after the whole solver BS ends, V just gets more touch starved and she hates both N AND Uzi for this lmao.

N and Uzi know that one of the only ways to make V calm down is to act soft with her, occasionally praising her and calling her nice things; even when V is literally threatening to bite their head off- [shes bluffing-.......mostly.]

N is usually the one that initiates any closeness with V. after their first kiss, N does tell her that she's done stuff that he might not be able to casually forgive, but at the same time he has seen her grow, and she does have good in her that he still loves her for.

V has nightmares and hardly ever sleeps, and when she does, its usually cuddling N or Uzi.

V tries to wear her glasses more often in the future. N likes it a lot :"3

V is surprisingly a good mom :p [spoilers for my au lmao bye] but yeah, since her original OS was for a maid, she still has some functions to be good with little ones. she cant help herself, she just really likes babies and kids.

N likes sometimes ballroom dancing with V for old times sake...

[i think this is as far as my brain will allow me, please excuse me as i jump off a cliff :") ]

#murder drones #snowballflo #snow rambles #envy #envee #goldenmemories #serial designation n #serial designation v #n x v #v x n #envuzi #violentbitingbiscuits #nuziv #uzi doorman

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shadale-s-safe-space · 1 year ago

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-COMMISSION WORK- COMIC

- some short info from the creator of the story @watercolorains :

"Here’s some info

It started is a self insert then self ship

Then it turned into a story then when I shared it on Twitter it blew up with “lil biscuit”

I will just tell you when this comic takes place.

It takes place after biscuit was born

N’s wife died , she was a human girl all he had since he had nobody but Tessa and J , he’s already lost people in the past like Uzi and V

Eventually V does come back since she was “effective” and had backups.

but V thinks everyone is gone and goes on her own adventure to escape her emotions.

Uzi comes back because has a new core that N found with Tessa’s help , reviving his best friend, they spend a lot of time catching up and he brings up something tragic while breaking down"

Again, thank you for commissioning me, and I'm glad you're happy with the final result!

#art #murder drones uzi #murder drones #murder drones n #digital comic #comic #short comic

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n-v-j-and-uzi · 1 month ago

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”INTROOOOOOO, POOOOOOSSSST-“ “N shut it”

hello hello! This is a MD ask blog where you can ask J N V and Uzi questions and more

J talking: “ugh, whatever”

V talking: “raaaa”

N talking: “awww puppies!”

Uzi talking: “BITE ME!”

HCs for J:

• she loves tickling N whenever (or any teammate for that matter

• (not really a head cannon but) HUGE EGO! More bigger then mrbeast drama

• Asshole most of the time

• Work-alcoholic

• Good at hunting but cannot beat N when he’s hunting

• Says she hates being tickled but she really doesn’t mind it (she doesn’t like it or dislike it)

I don’t have any hcs for V other then she is a big ler to Uzi and N (and she doesn’t hate Uzi as much)

HCs for N: (I use my N but include head cannons for the N in teh show so this is a mix of my N facts and hcs)

• Big lee

• Usually nice

• a lot of advanced gear because he was made with stealth in mind

• On every Christmas he goes on a huge killing spree however if you make him way too angry (very hard) he will kill you

• loves affection so give him affection when you can

• Is a very good cook

• His favorite weapon he has are his wrist blades and his combistick

• He and the other murder drones can purr just he is the only one that does it

I’ll make Uzi hcs later

UZI:

• big ler to N also

• her and Tessa don’t hate eachother that much (this AU takes place after episode 8 however Tessa survived in my AU)

• she doesn’t like how N hunts but knows he won’t stop so she doesn’t try to stop him

• half cinnamon roll and half angsty bitch beanie

• she likes to play the drums but usually gets splinters

Tessa

• Silly 17 year old girl

• Has a gun but doesn’t know how to handle one

• Adorably ticklish like N but also a tickler because if you trash talk her she will strike

• Thinks she can do dangerous things but she always gets hurt

• Nice

• Doesn’t hate Uzi anymore but wishes N didn’t spend as much time but she doesn’t hold it against him considering all that has been done to N

• She is still the black shadow human looking girl just older and taller and all that

• She scares people in the dark

Cyn:

• likes to loaf like a cat

• isn’t controlled by the solver anymore but likes to act like she is sometimes to scare people

• Menace

• Will surprise tickle attack you

• Even though she doesn’t need to she still narrates her actions

• She may be autistic

• Loves affection (like her big brother) so give her affection when you can

• Is traumatized from what she’s done

RULES:

NO NSFW

…kinda it for stuff you can’t do

like my main account @iburntthewateragain if your a fetish or pro shipper then as long as you don’t talk about the ships or the fetishes then yeah you can be on this blog

nsfw and racist jokes are allowed

#Intro post #J #V #N #Uzi #sfw tickle community

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sunskate · 7 months ago

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Tessa and Scott episode 1 (pt 1 pt 2) sorry i'm not giving any useful context if you've never seen it - it's a good (bad lol) piece of VM history the opening at the carnival in Toronto says "one year ago" - it looks like warm weather, but the show premiered Jan 2, 2014, so when did they film that?

the first performance of DALD 🥺 (seriously, who has those hard drives with the footage lol). interesting to see part of the no touch here compared to the legendary one from Sochi

Marina saying "love you love you a lot" to them when she's about to stab them in the back 💀

Jean-Marc Généreux, the dance/connection coach - Scott says they've been working with him since 2002. VM would have been 12/13 and 14/15 yo they're supposed to be playing out a romantic storyline in the SD: T: right away he (Jean-Marc) saw there was something missing J: so, i want you to look at this guy like he's uh T: like he's David Beckham? J: uhh maybe, or a piece of meat, like a good - like filet mignon - and you'd really like to have a bite (why does she do this? if it was reversed, and Jean-Marc said to Scott, look at her like you think she's attractive, and he said, oh, like she's Jennifer Lopez? that would be rude and invalidating)

i'd forgotten how strange it is, the way they talk about each other -

S: "Tessa and i have a -- *very* -- complex relationship" (arching eyebrow, significant look) ok, how 😅

T: "sometimes we are best friends, sometimes we're just business partners, there's an ebb and a flow to our relationship that is ongoing" -- spending more and less time together is normal, but does your status as best friends change so much? do your friendships work like this? these two were working so closely together, but they'd grow apart enough that she'd call it being "just business partners"? that feels off. from other stuff they've said, it feels more like there were reasons one would hold the other at arm's length and that they didn't talk these things out

Scott seems very inside himself and high key conscious of the camera. very little of the lighter side of him in this show. Tessa also very conscious of the camera but more wanting to do a good job - like watching someone inexperienced acting in a high school play - a little stilted. these producers didn't know what to do with them to get them to be more natural. too bad they wanted to make a reality show and didn't focus more on the skating and the training and let their personalities show in the process

S: VO "after this season, our lives are going to be totally different" T: "what are you going to miss the most" S: "i'll miss - i'm going to miss the structure. 5 o'clock in the mornings" T: "yeah 😐" lol not going to be baited into saying anything personal for national tv. either he thought it was going to be a different kind of show or was talked into it and never bought in. i wonder what the two of them really think of this now

#vm show

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hugsandchaos · 1 year ago

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Takes place in an AU that now, thanks to the lovely @leefl00f, has a name; Earthbound AU! Credit to @leefl00f for the ideas for both this scenario and the name of the AU!! Thank you so much!!

J picked up another chair and walked over to Tessa’s bed. The chair nearly covered her view, but she was able to see around it thanks to the dim lights of the few night lights decorated around her destination. One of the night lights was a rainbow, that did indeed give off multicolored light, and another was a soft yellow duckling. The third was shaped as a sun and gave off the most light. She stopped in front of the foot of the bed and glanced over at Tessa, who was pulling a folded blanket out from one of her drawers, one that was dark blue with yellow stars. She squinted her eyes slightly and hummed.”A little bit closer, please.” She said. J took a single step closer to the bed. Tessa smiled and nodded.”That’s perfect!” She said.

J smiled and set the chair down just as V came over with a second chair, which she placed to the opposite side of J’s chair while still at the foot of the bed.”Should we use books to hold the blanket down?” V suggested. Tessa finally got the blanket out and began unfolding it, but slowly incase she needed the blanket partly folded for when they use it as a roof for their fort.”That’s a great idea!” Tessa agreed. Once she decided to leave the blanket folded only once, Cyn grabbed one end of the blanket and Tessa moved her hands to hold the other. J and V moved out of the way as they both walked to the bed and chairs, setting one end of the blanket on the bed and the other end on the seat of the chairs. The corners and sides of the blanket slipped and fell off one of the chairs and nearly brought the rest down with it, but Cyn and Tessa still had their grips on it. V began walking towards the door to leave Tessa’s bedroom.”I’ll go to the library and see what I can find.” She said.

Cyn turned her head to V as she moved closer to the door.”Wait, I have an idea.” She said. V stopped and turned around. Knowing that she now had her attention, Cyn voiced her request.“Can you ask N if he wants to join?” She asked. J turned her head to Cyn with a look of slight surprise.

N wasn’t exactly rude or anything, but he was a very odd worker drone. The most obvious examples of this were his height, tail, and how his legs and arms were built compared to literally everyone else. Ever since his arrival, when James brought him into the manor after going out for a walk, N has also acted strangely, with an aura that seemed to follow him everywhere he went that said “Don’t get too close”. Cyn noticed J’s expression and immediately continued speaking to defend him.”He’s not so bad. He’s actually really nice!” She said. She looked back at V. Some who don’t know Cyn might not understand it since her expressions often look the same to newcomers, but V could tell it was a hopeful one.

Truth be told, they were all trying to get along with N, and Cyn had been spending a lot of her free time trying to bond with him. Even though it was a bit difficult since he was mainly nocturnal. Anyways, now that she thought about it, V agreed that this could be an opportunity for everyone to get to know him.“Sure, I’ll ask him.” She said. Cyn’s smile grew wider and her fangs were now visible.”Thank you.” She said. V smiled back and waved them bye as she left the room.

V walked down the dimly lit hallways and was fairly surprised, but also not surprised at the severe lack of other drones that would usually be moving through nearly every hall. It was rare for the manor to be so quiet and empty feeling, but that wasn’t saying it was terrible. Louisa and James had gone out to catch their flight for a business meeting that would last about a week, so many of the worker drones were taking the time off and were probably in bed by now. Of course, some of them still made sure to keep the place clean and tidy. After all, who likes a dirty space?

As she passed a window, she paused and took a moment to appreciate the last bit of light from the sun before it vanished from beneath the horizon. After that, V continued down the hall and took a left to enter the library. She turned on the light switch and the entire library immediately lit up. The red carpet split into three different directions — forward, left, and right. V knew where to find the bigger books and continued straight, passing under signs such as “ACTION”, “MYSTERY”, “THRILLER”, “HORROR”, and more. Once she reached the “HISTORY” sign, she took a right towards the many shelves. It was usually the history and literary books that were the biggest, so she’d definitely find some books heavy enough to hold the blanket in place nearby. If those two didn’t work, she’d move onto the biology section since she’s spotted a few very big books containing tons of information about prehistoric life there. Very quickly, however, V found the first of the four heavy books she’d need. The only problem was it might be a bit too high for her to reach and she didn’t see the ladder anywhere.

V reached her arms up, but it didn’t work. She stretched even higher and used one arm to grab the shelf the book was on, but the other could barely touch the book. Even when she stood onto her “toes” and slightly groaned from how much she was trying, she still couldn’t do anything more than grace her fingers across it in poor attempts to get a grip and pull it closer. Finally, she let herself stand normally again and let out a frustrated sigh as she began to turn around.”Where is the ladd—!!” V cut herself off with a startled yelp when she saw N standing next to her. N took a short step back away from her and looked surprised himself before quickly calming back down. V also calmed down and smiled, relieved that it was only him and not some intruder.”It’s just you, N. You came out of nowhere!” She said. N didn’t give her a verbal response and his expression didn’t really change. Instead, he simply took a step closer and reached up to the book she had been trying to grab. He didn’t have too much trouble as he pulled it off the shelf with one hand and offered it to her. She had to hold it with two hands since it was a little heavy.”Oh, thank you!” V said. N simply nodded and turned around to begin walking away.

V instantly remembered Cyn’s request and continued talking to stop him.”Oh, since you’re here, I have a question.” She said. N stopped and turned around.”We’re building a pillow fort and wanted to know if you wanted to join. I’m sure it’ll be fun!” She said. The odd drone looked at her confused, as if he didn’t understand what she just said. After a few seconds, she elaborated.“A pillow fort. You know, when you build something out of pillows and sometimes blankets?” She said.

N still looked confused, but nodded in agreement.”Great! We need three more books to hold the blankets down, so let’s go find some.” V said. As she started walking down the aisle to find three more, N turned back around and sprinted off. V was confused for a second, but assumed that he was just doing what she requested and was going to get another book. She smiled to herself as she continued slowly walking down the aisle of shelves, scanning them carefully for a book about as big as the one she held. She was happy to soon find another one at a shelf she could reach and picked it up, placing it on top of the one already in her arms. When she turned back, N was there again and holding two books that looked around the same size.”That was fast.” V commented. She walked past him and smiled.”Come on, let’s head to Tessa’s room.” She said.

N followed her out of the library and into the hallway. As they walked hall, V noticed how uneasy he appeared. His digital yellow eyes were slightly wide and remained fixated on what was ahead, as if he was expecting something to jump out. This was a small issue with many new drones who come into the manor; they’re sometimes scared and anxious. V certainly was. She remembered what it was like for her, and that made her determined to help N feel comfortable as well. She didn’t like the way he backed away and glared at her when they first met.

“Read any good books recently?” She asked to try to ease the tension. N briefly glanced at her, then at the floor, and then shook his head and looked forward. They took a turn towards Tessa’s bedroom.”Maybe I could recommend one for you if you want.” She offered. N waited a bit before nodding again.”Alright. After this, how about we go back to the library and see what you might like?” V asked. N once again nodded. For a split second, V thought she saw a small smile begin to creep its way onto his face, but it vanished before it had fully formed. Knowing this was a small step in a good direction, she smiled at him.”It’s a plan then.” She said.

V entered the room first and immediately noticed the change that had occurred while she was gone. There were two more chairs, the seats facing the opposite of the first two chairs and placed paralleled with the first ones. A second large blanket was draped over the backs of the chairs and remained in place, and was big enough to hang a few inches next to the seats of the second pair of chairs, and probably the first chairs as well. The height of the new addition looked twice of that of what V had seen before leaving. Before N entered the room, he paused just before the doorway, glancing between all four of them. V stopped walking when she noticed him freeze and turned to him.”What’s wrong?” She asked. N was silent for a bit before shaking his head and walking into the room with her, which was even more confusing. Still, V walked in and smiled as J, Cyn, and Tessa finally noticed them. Cyn’s smile seemed to grow bigger when she saw them come into the room.”How nice of you to join us, N!” Tessa said. N gave them a small wave in return. He glanced at the fort and his expression shifted to one of confusion. V walked over to the bed on the left side and placed one of the books on something.”You three added more to the fort while I was gone?” She asked.

“Yeah! That way, we have a bigger section for games and the smaller one can be for anyone who wants to just relax and enjoy a bit of quiet time!” Tessa explained, pointing at the different sections as she spoke. J picked up a pillow from Tessa’s bed and walked over to the entrance, where Cyn was sitting down.”As quiet as they can get, at least.” She bent down and handed it to Cyn, who turned around and crawled into the blanket fort with it. N walked silently past J and moved to the other side of the bed, watching and copying V’s actions with the books he had been carrying. Now the books held all four corners of the blanket on the bed and the seat of the first two chairs.”Thank you.” V said. N nodded and moved out of the way as J grabbed the last remaining pillow from the bed and handed it to Tessa, who took it and crawled inside as Cyn came out.”We’re almost done!” She cheered.”We just need a few more pillows.” She said.

“J and I will take care of that.” Cyn said. J nodded in agreement and they both left the room to go to one of the closest holding spare pillows and blankets down the hall. N looked at the fort again and glanced back at V.”Come on, let’s go see the inside!” She said before moving to the front of the fort and lifting the blanket slightly to get inside. N slowly walked to the front and looked down hesitantly. After a few seconds of inner debating, he crawled inside.

He sat next to the chair to his left, out of the way of the others and the entrance. The inside of the fort was... new to him. Inside, there was an odd glowing thing he believed was a “duck night light” illuminating the space and multiple pillows lining the edges of the walls, all similar, but still slightly different colors and patterns. The blanket hanging from that chair to the other to make a wall barely touched his back, so no one freaked out and thought he would accidentally cause it to fall down. Everything looked so... comfy? It felt almost unreal to him. Tessa clapped her hands and slightly startled N from his thoughts.”Once J and Cyn get back, we’re all going to play a game!” She said. V scooted next to N as Tessa crawled to the other section of the fort, which was surprisingly split into two by a third blanket, folded and hooked around the spaces between the chairs’ backs.”Have you really never seen a pillow fort?” V asked, trying to keep the worry from her tone. N shook his head and glanced at the plushies on the floor.”We never even had pillows. Or blankets.” He whispered. That wasn’t what V was expecting. Sure, some humans were bad enough to not allow their workers to have proper living space sometimes, but to go their whole life not having one or the other? N pointed at a nearby golden retriever plushie.”Or whatever those things are.” He added in a hushed tone.

“Those are plushies. They’re originally made for kids, but it’s not unheard of for adults to have them.” V explained. She picked it up and held it as if showing it to him, even though he’s already seen it.”They’re very soft.” She said. N slowly lifted his hand and touched it on the head, and once he did, he seemed to calm down a little and nodded in agreement. Before V could say anything else, Tessa came back with a cardboard box. She placed it in the middle of the fort.“This is an old board game called The Game Of Life, from the early 2000’s! Would you like to play?” Tessa asked. N shook his head. V was a little saddened that she had only gotten him to talk for a short bit, but at least she had finally heard his voice. She was happy about that. She smiled and set the plushie down.”I’ll play.” She said.

N turned his head to outside the fort just before the three of them heard the door open and close. He slowly lifted the blanket and saw J and Cyn returning with the last pillows needed for the fort.”Did we miss anything?” Cyn asked as she climbed inside, mumbling the word “crawl” to herself. V shook her head as J soon followed Cyn into the second section.”No, we were going to wait for you two.” She said.

“Do you two want to play The Game Of Life?” Tessa asked. Pretty soon, the two came back and took their seats; N and V on the left side of the fort, Tessa and Cyn on the right side, and J sitting in front of the entrance to the other section. Now that everyone was there, N would be lying if he said he wasn’t starting to feel a little claustrophobic since he still wasn’t entirely comfortable around them, but he still wanted to see what was so fun about it.”Yes!” Cyn replied. She already knew which character she’d pick.”Yeah, I’ll play.” J agreed. Tessa opened the box, and after setting the board out on the floor and everyone got their characters, the game started.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Again?!” J asked angrily. Cyn and Tessa both had their mouths covered and fought to surprise the urge to laugh at their friend’s dramatic reaction at landing on yet another tax space.”Why me?!” She asked. N looked slightly uncomfortable with her outbursts, but still stayed and said nothing. He could understand why she was upset, anyways. V, however, accidentally let a few giggles slip out. J glared at her.“Are you laughing at me?!” She asked.

“Snrk — No! No, I wasn’t laughing!” V said, smiling almost uncontrollably. J grabbed a pillow from right next to her and crawled outside of the fort, careful not to mess up the board.”Grab a pillow, V!” She said as she left. Tessa and Cyn looked at V.”Oh, you’re dead.” Tessa said. N’s eyes widened and he turned to V as she grabbed a nearby pillow.”Yeah, I know.” She said. Before she could leave, N reached an arm up in front of her and urged her to sit back down. V raised an eyebrow in confusion.”What are you doing?” She asked, but N didn’t move his arm or respond.”Can you please put your arm down so J and I can have our pillow fight?” She asked. N looked at her confused.

“Pillow fight. You know, you just hit each other with pillows, but not hard enough to do actual damage, just irritation.” V said. N stared at her for a few seconds before putting his arm down to let her go outside. V took the pillow and crawled outside, and N glanced over at Cyn and Tessa.”This happens sometimes, it’s harmless.” Cyn said, sensing N’s slight discomfort at the idea of an actual fight. Tessa, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to this as she grabbed a nearby pillow with a big smile of her face.”Have at thee!” She cried as she rushed out of the fort. Cyn looked at her slightly disappointed.”Some people are just a little competitive.” She said. They both soon heard grunting and the sound of pillows striking each other from outside the fort.

“Apologize!” J demanded. The following soft thud gave the impression that she just hit V with her pillow.

“I did!” V said.

“Apologize again!” J said.

“Surrender, villain!” Tessa chimed in, presumably going for J judging by the repetitive pillow strikes and J telling her to stop.

“Yeah, get her, Tessa! Ow! Wait, you’re supposed to be on my side!” V said.

“I’m on my own side, V!”

After a moment or two of pillow fighting, Cyn sighed and used her solver to pick up a pillow.”If you can’t beat them, join them.” She said. With that, she left the fort to also join the fight, leaving N to think.

He thought about what he’s done leading up to this point and what he should do next. These people have been surprisingly nice and understanding of something they didn’t even understand, even when he was very rude and lashed out at them for getting too close. He hadn’t been forced into any terrible training or sparring matches, but was instead often asked to do favors when he was awake, such as helping to put tables away for example. N wasn’t sure what exactly to think of everything happening, but it seemed to be safe. At least, compared to back at the facility. The only real threats seemed to be Louisa and the heat of this planet, and he could handle both of those problems. Listening to the others fight outside — the mixture of light thumps, giggles, and half hearted threats — N started to want to join them. It sounded a lot like wrestling or play fights, but on a softer level than even them. Slowly, he lifted the blanket to peek outside the fort.

J was using herself to shield Tessa from Cyn, who used the solver to pick up two pillows and throw them at the two. V was hiding under a desk and using her own pillow as a barrier, peeking out with a nervous, but also happy look. N let the blanket fall back down and looked at the pillows inside the fort. Should he join? How would he ask? And most importantly; how much strength should he use? The last thing he wanted was to accidentally ruin the fun by causing serious harm. N grabbed the pillow and peeked out again. J had grabbed one of the pulled Cyn threw and lightly smacked her with it.

Just enough to cause irritation.

N had made his decision, but he wasn’t going to strike just yet. He was going to do the same thing he’s been doing all along; watch and wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~

J stood in front of the other three proudly, holding her pillow at the fallen drones and human like a sword.”Anyone want to try facing me again?” She asked smugly. Cyn opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped when she noticed something. Behind J, N slowly crawled out of the pillow fort with a pillow in his hand. He noticed Cyn looking at him and put a finger up to his mouth with a small smile. Cyn nodded and looked back up at J.”I won’t.” She said, admitting defeat. Tessa shook her head and also noticed N creeping up behind the supposed winner, not making a single sound as he walked. She knew immediately what she had to do and played along.”No, I think you’ve beaten me this time.” She said. J glanced at V, who also caught on to what was happening. By now, N was almost right behind her.”You’ve beaten me, too.” She said, holding her hands up in surrender.

J let out a small laugh.”Looks like I win.” She said. N raised the pillow with one hand and tapped J on the shoulder. J hummed in confusion and calmly turned around, thinking someone had come in without her noticing. Instead, she saw N standing very close with a pillow in his other hand. Before she could lift her pillow up in defense, N had already hit her on the head with it. The whole thing caught her off guard and made her stumble a bit, but before she could recover, she tripped over Tessa’s foot and fell down on top of her. N’s face changed from slight mischief to surprise and leaned closer, looking pretty worried. Tessa soon started laughing and hugged J before she could get up, but that didn’t stop J from looking at him pretty surprised.”Where did you come from?!” She asked. N blinked and his shoulders shook a bit as he closed his eyes, like he was trying not to laugh. J fought in Tessa’s hold.”You dare laugh at me?! Tessa, let me go! This is war!” She said. Tessa couldn’t hold her for long, especially while laughing with V and Cyn, so J soon got out and picked up the pillow she had dropped during her fall.

She quickly started hitting N with the pillow repeatedly, but N appeared almost unbothered by it, simply trying to swat at her pillow and protect himself. He had stopped laughing, but still held back a smile the best he could. Despite it, though, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards multiple times. The entire time, the stinger on his tail would occasionally flick rapidly from side to side, almost like a dog wagging its tail. Soon enough, he dropped his pillow.”Ha! You’ve dropped your weapon! Admit defeat!” J shouted, holding her pillow up near his neck with both arms as if it was an actual weapon. N covered his mouth with one hand, definitely smiling now, and nodded. J gave him one last smack to the arm for good measure.”Good. Remember, I’m the pillow fight champion!” She declared. N nodded again and J set the pillow down.

V stood up and helped Cyn up.”Now that we’re done, how about we watch MLP?” She suggested. Tessa gasped and clapped her hands in excitement.”Yes!! I’ll go get it started! V, you go get the batteries!” She said, and before anyone could say more, she had sprinted out of the room to go find her father’s laptop. N raised an eyebrow and glanced between them.”I will explain it.” V said as she began to walk out of the room. N followed her.

As soon as they left, Cyn looked at J with a smile.”See? I told you he’s not that bad.” She said.

#au #murder drones #murder drones n #murder drones j #murder drones v #murder drones cyn #murder drones tessa #earthbound AU #murder drones earthbound AU #pillow fight #pillow fort

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dragonner0 · 8 days ago

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Serial Designation K

AKA, haha get written to appease the brainrot idiot

Serial Designation K is the fifth drone once owned by the Elliot's, and the fourth Disassembly Drone sent to Copper-9. First, we look to the past.

K was (relatively)quite liked in the manor. He was loyal, industrious, almost completely silent and actively avoided being seen until absolutely necessary, and quite good at improvising tricks for his masters when demanded, which is also part of where his affinity for combat would begin to take root.

Though he was not initially taken in by Tessa, he would quickly learn that she was the one behind repairing N, V, J, and Cyn, which is why he would first go to her after an accident had damaged his arm and optics. He would soon discover that he bounced off of the energy of the other four drones quite well, and that he didn't find Tessa completely insufferable, and eventually it was pretty much universally decided that we was another member of the group. He would quickly become tightly knit into the group, being seen more often alongside them and spending most of his limited free time with them.

Predictably, his deep care for and loyalty to his friends, as well as his proficiency with skills that would be built upon for fighting, would see him becoming a Disassembly Drone in N, V, and J's team. He would quickly prove himself well worthy of his place, almost effortlessly reaching quota during the more target-rich period and excelling in hand-to-hand duels. He quite enjoyed it, as a matter of fact.

Except for a slight problem: K hated the lifestyle he found himself in.

Sure, combat was fun, and he didn't mind guiding the others when it came to more advanced moves, and he did care about them quite a bit. On the other hand - everything about quota and requirements and the way the others treated him and the constant corporate buzzwords that spewed from J's voicebox during even the most intimate of moments was absolute agony. He was even trapped in a body that was technically modeled for superior combat prowess, as J kept reminding him, but was also distinctly designed to be very feminine in nature.

He did try to cope with the situation for a while, trying new things and learning new skills, a part of him knowing that his absence meant that it would become that much harder to just survive. Still, nothing worked - he perfected every skill, hunted ever worker, tried every possible method to break down the doors, and nothing seemed to feel right. He never felt like he did anything, even if he knew he did a lot, almost constantly no less.

And so, after a long time, he decided to just leave. Leaving behind anything that he wouldn't have a use for, he waited until everyone was out hunting and abandoned the Spire, setting off for the wasteland that laid between Disassembly Drone hunting territories.

And now, the brainworms! Here's some stuff that I like to imagine for K's modifications.

Behold! My awful artistic skill and even worse handwriting!

K's tail is slightly thicker than the average Disassembly Drone, and marginally stronger, both to his advantage and detriment. He usually tries to cover the sharp end of it when it's not in use, since it requires much more self control to not nick himself with it.

The needle itself is much lighter and more bare-bones, being a long, hollow blade with a tiny canister of nanite acid in it. The acid itself is assembled in his body, as opposed to having a self-replenishing canister attatched to the needle, with a tube wrapping around the tail to connect with the needle. The acid itself is much less potent, but injected much deeper and is thus often harder to nullify.

Aside from being very sharp and good for shielding K's much more fragile body, the feather-like knives of his wings can also be used as radiators to help stave off the painful death by overheating that plagues all DDs, although they aren't efficient enough to counteract his need to consume oil in the slightest - simply a way to keep him alive and marginally more situationally aware during the long periods of "no oil" that he has to deal with.

The smallest two feathers are notably duller and cannot vent heat, but if used correctly they can stave off anyone thinking to attack from behind.

His feathers can articulate slightly, but not much, and the wing as a whole is too bulky to fold like a normal wing would, so he can't hide them at all.

K's chassis in general is quite lightly armored, and his abdomen in particular is completely unprotected, which grants far greater maneuverability at the cost of durability.

K can't swap his actual hands, and his weapon options are very limited. Despite this lack of options, that he himself considers a major detriment, he makes up for it in how he uses these weapons; though he might not have an airburst rocket launcher, it is just as effective to shoot an impact-triggered grenade midair.(AKA bro is ULTRApilled)

K retains some of his memories - not all of them, by a long shot, but enough to understand what happened in the manor and that, to some degree, he was there.

During his excursion into his subconscious, he also unlocked the ability to modify his OS on the fly. This mostly comes in the form of toggling and dialing different functions, such as turning off his optics when fighting sentinels, and leaves him vulnerable for a few seconds.

Some misc stuff:

K would absolutely go visit the Spire. The only problem is he's pretty sure he'd actually just start bawling his eyes out if he did.

K is far more sympathetic to worker drones than his counterparts, and in fact will usually leave their core and/or memory banks intact so that they can theoretically be rebuilt. He also doesn't like hunting workers because he finds the mindless slaughter predictably mind-numbing, and has thus made a reputation as "that guy that hunts Disassembly Drones for the sport of it ig."

K is very mentally unhealthy and probably needs a hug. Spending the majority of the past few years laser-focused on little more than survival does that to a person, to be fair.

K is much more animalistic than the average Disassembler, and will often snarl or growl completely without realizing it.

This guy is sort of a work-in-progress. I'm writing a story with him and will post that when I'm done.

Please give me opinions/ideas/questions I beg of you I don't want clout I just want to talk about The Him

#murder drones #serial desegnation K(OC)#murder drones oc #Art #Behold

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justjozzyjitters · 1 year ago

Text

Short Story #7

I the Journal, She the Girl

In being a journal, you learn many things about what it is to be honest. There are the things you tell the people you love to prevent them from worrying, the things you tell yourself to get rid of the shame that comes with lying, and then there are things that you tell me. I’m a trapper-keeper of all the things too morbid to say aloud.

That is the worst part of being a journal. I know my owner’s deepest darkest secrets but can’t do anything about them. I wish I could somehow nudge myself out from beneath the coffee cup full of pens off her desk, jump onto the floor, and use my crumpled pages to crawl my way out of the depths of a teenage girl’s bedroom, but I am just a journal. I don’t have limbs, I don’t have eyes, I don’t have ears, I don’t have a mouth. Instead, I have skin to let me feel every little impression of a desperately moving pen and tears as they melt away her writings and a mind filled with the thoughts shared between the girl and me. I am only to feel.

“Dear Diary,” she began, as she usually does in one of her more chipper moods. It’s unusual for the girl to write when she is anything but sad or angry, but this time her letters loop about themselves, and little hearts dot her i’s and j’s. “I know I don’t write a lot apart from when I am upset, but I figured today would make a good time for an update. I think things are really starting to look up for me.”

During the few times I’ve witnessed her happy, she always starts in nearly the same way. Perhaps if she was a bit more superstitious, she would avoid the heartbreak that comes from so blatantly showing off all the good things to the demons that want to take her home.

“I finally started my new job at the restaurant. I don’t mind all the hard work, but it is starting to weigh in on me a bit,” and here it comes, “There is this lady who has been there for a while now and, least to say, she is a b*tch.”

The girl never curses aloud, and even in writing, she doesn’t have it in her to express the word entirely. It has become one of the many things I love about the girl, along with how she decorates my pages with little figures and stories rather than the curses most people her age are always spouting. Even if I could hear, I don’t think anyone could surpass the purity bestowed within my pages and the heart of the girl.

“I am trying my best, I really am, but when you are working as a hostess, a buss-girl, and waiter all at the same time, you can’t do things completely perfectly. All she does is sit at the bar and chat with our more welcoming customers while I must pick up her slack.”

The girl is the most hardworking person I’ve ever heard of, yet the most insecure.

“Then, whatever work I do for her is never up to her standards. I am a bit of a perfectionist myself, but Tessa is awful. Last night I was half sweeping under a table and half watching the door for any new customers, but apparently, I wasn’t doing it right. She roughly tore the broom from my hand before forcing me out of her way and doing a worse job than I had. I know I should have just stood up for myself, especially being that she isn’t even a manager, but instead, I ducked back down behind the counter while I tried to catch my breath.”

She has been doing so well at preventing anxiety attacks, but now one person has single-handedly brought the girl back to me. Though I’m just a journal, I can still feel anger. I’m at my happiest when I go the longest without being written in, as that means the girl is happy.

Last time, I hadn’t heard from her in over a month. I didn’t even know that she had a new job or made a new friend named Samantha, but I was fine with that. Now I hear from her a couple times a week, “Tessa this, Tessa that.” I am happy to spend time with the girl but not as happy as I am without her. I love the girl, but she is sad.

The more the girl is sad, the closer I come to death. My days are coming to an end, and I am afraid that the girl won’t tell me how this all ends.

It is during this time that the girl is at her saddest. She begins carrying me around with her and skipping lines as she writes as if she can’t help but try to get through the last ten or so of my pages as quickly as she can. The girl loves writing in journals, and she has many of them. As much as I love her, I will always be hers, and her never just mine. I’m not the girl’s first journal or the last. There are big ones covered in stickers and others small and letter-bound like me. On one shelf in her bedroom, she has the graveyard I will one day join to blindly wait for when she decides to remind herself of past happenings. That likely won’t happen, though, for she can’t remind herself of sad things to be happy.

I only had two sheets of paper left to be filled when I felt a different set of hands. The girl stowed me away beneath the hostess counter where she worked, leaving me often to guard it while she was off picking up Tessa’s slack.

Those hands weren’t as soft as the girl’s; the skin between each finger tended to snag loosely against my binding when she flipped the page. These hands didn’t hold a pen and kept going wrong. The girl never looks back through my pages nor has me without a pen.

The girl and the stranger are very different in feeling, but then suddenly familiar as I feel a warm tear splatter onto the last page. The stranger is sad.

“Dear Kelly,” the stranger begins suddenly, adding fuel to the fire with unfamiliar writing and a pen too cheap from my pages. “I never knew how my behavior has affected you, but I will try to be better. As I’m sure you know by now, I am sick, and I just learned you are too. Having you here has sort of made me feel better, but I have done nothing but hurt you. I can’t just make you into my punching bag anymore. You do fine work. Love, Tessa,” She finished shortly, closing me back up and placing me back in my original position beneath the counter.

It seemed like she may have more to say, but then she came to my final page. As a journal, you have a short lifespan, and it makes it hard to be able to witness the stories end.

Kelly finally comes back. Her hands are soft and tender as she works at my pages, flipping to the back she has yet to find out was already filled. She goes through me twice, finally landing on Tessa’s entry. Kelly’s index finger quickly scans the page, reading everything once. Then again. On the third read-through, she roughly flips past the pages, takes ahold of the final two sheets, and rips them from my spine.

In doing so, Kelly seemed to calm down, as if taking away my pages would make the events that transpired seem slightly less accurate. She didn’t seem to trust that Tessa would apologize honestly and how dare she try to change the story in Kelly’s own diary.

Maybe I had been a bit biased up until this point. There are many sides to the story; Kelly’s was always mine. She takes the pages and rips them out as if I would just forget and still be entirely on her side. Still, Tessa’s hard hands left impressions on all the other pages and the cover I can feel to read again and again as I try to understand matters as a journal I never before have.

About 2022, age 18.

#personal narrative #personification #short story #creative writing course #amateur writing #journaling #diary

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psychoetry · 3 years ago

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A Poem on Our D.I.D. DX #2

Diagnosed with D.I.D.

What the hell Is wrong with me?

My car

Is maxed out

Can I please

Abruptly a scream

Maybe even a shout?

I have to let them all out

My alternative personalities

How many can there be?

Am I psychotic

Or insane?

Or am I just

Mentally deranged?

Crazy too,

I will help you

If you allow it

But instead Id rather take a hit

Hit of green

You know what I mean

I’m a scene queen

Call us the scene queens

Is this a fucking string

String of dreams?

One minute

There’s one alter

Then another

Now my car is full

Oh fucking brother

Its a 67’ impala car

It drives down

The tar road

Made from my mind

It is going to explode

All while I

I am laying in bed

Did you hear

What she said

Mazikeen

She's a demon

Although

She is not mean

Scarlet is a pyra

Elemental of the fire

Lilith asks

What is it you desire

Brandi pops in

And says

If she can get high

That's a fucking win

But also a sin

According to you

But there are differences

Between us too

And it is more than two

Two differences that is

I am kind of a creative whiz

I created an entire series

Based of my alters

Left or right

One way will falter

So which one is driving,

Is it me or my alters?

All my characters

Were modeled after I

I wrote them all

There is no disguise

That is when I knew

I knew to get high

Do you want to know

Know why that is?

Besides the fact

I'm such a creative whiz

My characters represent

Each and every alter

It is amazing

How rapid I’ve learned

Maybe I have got

Got the learning curve

But now,

The car swerved

Side to side

Tessa said

It is time

To go for a ride

Now she will hide

Since she had her fun

I will have anxiety

Until she is done

But this is so fun

Madeline says.

There is also an alter,

One who is a total les

Lesbian that is though

She loves girls

But men on the other hand

Make ruby want to hurl

She just wants a girl

To spend the night

Maybe then

She can be a wife

A Proposal in sight

Just kidding

Although I am

Already engaged

I just feel

Far too enraged

Scarlet is back

She has a dilemma

She loves J

But we are with A

They both want me to stay

I told J there's no fucking way

Not you again

So I chose to use my pen

Maybe also find some Zen

Or bloody peace

Its almost time

A Christmas feast

I’m nowhere near

The end of my list

But I am guessing

That you get my gist

Now for the grand finale

My mind is seeing a dark alley

When Brandi showed

It even snowed

Which I hate

I had to skate

Skate very fast

With her

I would not last

In a fight

She goes all night

Until everything

Gets set right

I do not want to fight

Alright?

I deserve some goddamn peace

And shit

I forgot

To renew this lease

Oh well

Tis not swell

Am I genuinely

S.O.L.?

I have been

Through endless traumas

They have split one me

into fifty more

When I found out about

My diagnosis

I fell down

To the floor

So then

What else is in store?

It all finally

Made all the sense

It fucking clicks

More than games

Of pick up sticks

Men are pricks

Ruby says

I told you

She is definitely a les

But that's okay

As long as I’m with A

Which is where I plan to stay

As it is safe and sound

I live here with him

All year round

Did you hear that sound?

Oh wait its another

Will this alter make me say

Oh fucking brother

It is Kali

She is beaming

Full with light

She made me

Stay up all night

All because

I needed to write

And the days

They’re killing me

Maybe it would be easier

If I only dealt with three

Three Alters that is

But I have got to become

the creative

And a whiz

How splendid this truly is

In a way

One more thing I will say

Is that I love all of us

Inside my Luciferse

We know we are safe

Now it is time

Time to concentrate

This diagnosis is a lot

A lot to handle

Time to go

And light a candle

To write my novel

Number one out of five

For feeling accomplished

Is for all I will strive

So what else

What else can I do?

Tell me instead,

What is a normal life like,

For you?

#poetry #poems on mental health #mentally ill witch #mentally ill #did community #plural #actuallyplural #dissociation #dissociative system #did #diagnosed system #mental breakdown #mental illness #mental disorder #mentally unstable #mentally tired #actually did

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nanowrimo · 4 years ago

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10 Book Recommendations for Quarantine

Looking for some books to help pass the time while you’re stuck inside? Young Writer’s Program participant Mahreema J. has you covered! Here are ten novels to read while you shelter in place:

Ok, so I’ll be honest. I LOVE it when my friends and classmates come up to me for a book recommendation! Its just the best feeling to know, that someone can trust your book taste, and trust you in what they are about to spend hours reading. No pressure!

So, you can imagine how ecstatic I am, right now, to tell you my book recommendations. I’ll admit, I have a super long TBR (To Be Read) pile, and some of them I know are amazing already (by reviews, teasers, blurbs, recommendations) and they are included here. The obvious books that have probably already been read by you were not included, so you see new books.

So here are the books that I definitely recommend you check out! I also put in some books written by super talented young writers as well:

Series

1. Alex Rider by Anthony Horowitz (My Favorite!)

“When Alex Rider learns that his uncle Ian has been killed in the line of duty as a British spy—and not in a car accident like he's been told—everything changes for this otherwise normal teen. He is approached by Alan Blunt, head of a shadowy offshoot of MI6 known, who reveals that Alex has been unknowingly trained since childhood for the dangerous world of espionage.”

2. Maze Runner by James Dashner

“When Thomas wakes up trapped in a massive maze with a group of other boys, he has no memory of the outside world other than strange dreams about a mysterious organization known as W.C.K.D. Only by piecing together fragments of his past with clues he discovers in the maze can Thomas hope to uncover his true purpose and a way to escape.”

3. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

“Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen volunteers in her younger sister's place to enter the games, and is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy when she's pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives. If she's ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.”

4. The Knowers by Nina Martineck

“Skylar Rawlings knows that things are not right. The island she lives on is disconnected from everything, but she sees connections everywhere she looks. Her school says she has attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, but she can concentrate on all kinds of things–if they’re interesting enough. Like her math teacher lying about this field trip to the capital, the average IQ on this island being too high to be chance, or that time slows, speeds up, and sometimes stops altogether. Skylar knows her education is misleading, most people are oblivious, and the world certainly can’t work like this. She knows she’s missing something. What she doesn’t know is that knowing has a cost.”

5. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

“The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown, combines mystery, action, and thrills. This novel is the second in the Robert Langdon series, and begins with the murder of Jacques Saunière. Saunière led a double life. Professionally, he was a curator at the Louvre in Paris, France, but he guarded a powerful secret.”

Standalones

6. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

“Mainly, The Book Thief is about a girl who grows up with her foster parents in Germany, during the struggles of Germany in WWII. It explores the themes of war and death, and shows us the other side of the people under Hitler, showing us that not everyone hated Jews, and everyone had a hard time picking their side.”

7. The Secrets Within Me by Liana Ramirez

“For seventeen-year-old Magi Davis, everyone in her life knows her biggest secret, except for her... after Magi is almost murdered, her Egyptologist father takes her from their quiet rainy town in Seattle to Egypt in an attempt to seek refuge. After meeting R.J. Hicks, her father's witty business partner, and Carter McClain, the only person her age within miles, she quickly realizes that everyone in her life, including the neighborhood cat, has been lying to protect her from mythological forces that were once her father's bedtime stories. Now Magi must discover what her big secret is before an ancient deity kills her and everyone she cares about...”

8. Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

“When Jacob discovers clues to a mystery that spans different worlds and times, he finds a magical place known as Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. But the mystery and danger deepen as he gets to know the residents and learns about their special powers and their powerful enemies. Ultimately, Jacob discovers that only his own special ‘peculiarity’ can save his new friends.”

9. 100 Days of Sunlight by Abbie Emmons

“When 16-year-old poetry blogger Tessa Dickinson is involved in a car accident and loses her eyesight for 100 days, she feels like her whole world has been turned upside-down. Terrified that her vision might never return, Tessa feels like she has nothing left to be happy about.”

10. Leaving Wishville by Mel Torrefranca

“With time against him, and his curiosity stronger than ever, he knows what he must do. Leaving Wishville might be his only chance for freedom—but it may also cost him his life. A colorful and chilling debut, LEAVING WISHVILLE dives into a sea of forbidden curiosity, unavoidable grief, and the dangers of discovering the truth.”

Alright, so these are my top TBR books and top book recommendations. I hope you enjoy some of them. Obviously we all have different tastes, but after viewing/reading these books, I hope you find another book that you like from it. (By the way, a lot of these books are now movies, so make sure you go check them out AFTER you read the book!)

Thank you for reading, and enjoy your book!

Mahreema J. is a 12-year-old girl from England, with a deep passion for creativity and books. She has been writing since she could read and reading since she could write. She is currently writing a novel (unknown title) that will soon be published one day. She is talented at calligraphy, baking and other creative hobbies. And there’s nothing she loves better, than to sit and read a good book. Top photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

#nanowrimo #writing #amwriting #book reccomendation #by nano guest #Mahreema J.

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naturallytom · 5 years ago

Text

Mending a Broken Heart (Tom Holland x reader)

a/n: i posted this before but it flopped so...let’s hope that doesn’t happen again!

warnings: language, angst, mentions of cheating

listen to: broken home (5sos), shouldn’t come back (demi lovato), river of tears (alessia cara)

please please reblog/leave feedback!! i worked really hard on this don’t want it to end up with like..20 notes lol

gif not mine!

You had noticed it for months. Tom has been pulling away, spending more time out with the boys than at home with you. His kisses became forced and the words ‘love you’ slowly stopped falling from his lips.

Most days he would leave for work before you woke up and on the rare occasion you were up when he left, he would mumble a ‘goodbye’ before walking out the door. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he would press a gentle kiss to your forehead. Most times, though, he would just leave.

You did your best to keep the love alive, you were still madly in love with him. The wedding band that sat tightly on your ring finger mocked you. A symbol of what was love has turned into one sided love. Hell, you weren’t sure if Tom wore his wedding ring anymore.

A quick glance to his left hand would reveal that he didn’t.

You spent your nights wondering if it was something you did. Were you too clingy when he left to film? Was he just tired of you after four years of marriage? Did he find someone else?

No. You shook your head to yourself one night as you laid in the bed by yourself, the space usually occupied by Tom cold. If he found someone else and if he cheated, that’s on him. Not on you.

Still, the thought plagued your mind. Did he meet someone else? Was she prettier than you? Is that where he was when he said he was out with the boys? Was she able to give him something you couldn’t give him?

The door opening and shutting alerted you that Tom was home. You sighed, knowing it’d be another night of sleeping on opposite sides of the bed.

The door to the bedroom opened and in came Tom, Tessa jumping up to greet him.

“Hey girl, hey love, how are you, hm?” He whispered, petting Tessa as his eyes flickering over to you, who was visibly awake. “Thought you’d be asleep by now. ‘S late.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” You replied simply. “Hey so I was thinking, we haven’t had a date night in a while, maybe you wanted to go out to see the Halloween decorations around town and get dinner tomorrow night?”

“Can’t,” He shook his head as he got ready for bed. “Harrison wants to watch the game. Told him I’d go.”

“Didn’t you just see Harrison tonight?”

“Yeah, and?”

“Nothing.” You sighed, obviously upset. “Nothing, Tom. Goodnight.”

“Night.” He responded, turning out the light and climbing into bed, falling asleep with his back toward you.

The next day, you were surprised to see Tom already awake and waiting in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea when you got downstairs.

“Good morning.” You smiled softly.

“We need to talk.” He told you. You felt your heart drop and your palms get sweaty, but you wiped them on your pajama pants in an effort to seem totally calm and not panicked.

“A-About what?” You asked, your voice coming out shaky.

“I think,” Tom started. “I think we should get divorced.”

It was then, at 8:30 am that your world came crashing down.

“W-What?” You whimpered out, your voice weaker than before. “Why?”

“I’m not happy with you anymore.” He said simply. Your eyes flickered to his left hand, noticing the absence of the golden wedding band, making your heart ache.

“We can try couples’ therapy. We can go on dates like we used to, Tom, please! We can fight for this, Tom. Fight for us.” You cried, your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces, each one puncturing your lungs as you struggled to keep your breath under control.

“No,” He shook his head. “My mind is made up. I’m sorry, y/n. Um, I found a lawyer at a firm, they have a lot of other lawyers there you can contact. I’ll just, uh, leave their card here.”

“So that’s it? Three years of dating and four years of marriage down the drain?” You sobbed, holding your knees to your chest as you sat on the kitchen floor.

“I’m sorry, y/n. Truly, I am.”

He placed the small business card on the counter, grabbing the bags you didn’t even notice, mumbling an ‘I’ll be staying with Haz,’ before walking out the front door, like he did every other day. This time, though, you had the sinking feeling he was leaving for good.

It was only three weeks that your lawyer came over to meet with you, joined by Tom and his lawyer. You kept your eyes focused on the table as you signed the paperwork, wanting to get this done as soon as possible.

As soon as everyone left, you shut the door, slid down the back of it, and cried.

Nearly two months after the worst day of your life and it was time for a self care night. The ring that once sat on your left hand was buried away in your jewelry box somewhere and you were finally starting to feel free and somewhat happy again after crying yourself to sleep and wondering where it all went wrong for months.

After the divorce you buried yourself in work, using it as a distraction from going home to an empty house. Slowly but surely, the framed pictures of you and Tom came down, making a new home on the empty shelves in the closet. It hurt to be alone in the empty house at first, memories of you and Tom when you were happy plaguing the walls. Once you started making time for yourself, however, you became happier.

Tonight, after a long day of decorating the house and making it seem cheery, you ordered your favorite Chinese food, played your favorite Christmas songs, and ran yourself a bath with a vanilla scented bath bomb. You were enjoying a glass of wine, the hot water of the bath soothing you when the music playing from your phone was interrupted by a call coming in.

To your surprise, it was Tom. You contemplated answering it, but instead, let it go to voicemail. However, you were curious as to why he called, though you were also 99% positive it was a pocket dial. So you played the voicemail, the familiar voice ringing throughout the bathroom.

“Hey y/n, um, I hope you’re doing well. I just called because I wanted to tell you something. I um, I miss you. A lot. And I know I don’t get to feel that way but I do and I just wanted to tell you that and I guess ask if there was any possibility of meeting to talk? Uh, call me back if...if you want. I don’t blame you if you hate me. Bye. Love y-”

You turned off the voicemail before the phrase could be finished. Millions of thoughts filled your mind, ranging from happy ones to ones that made your heart ache and tears fill your eyes.

You decided to ignore it, pretend it never happened, and enjoy your self care night.

The next day you were enjoying a cup of tea and reading your book when a knock on the door interrupted you. Confusion filled your body, you weren’t expecting anyone to pop by.

Opening the door, you were greeted by a sight you never thought you’d see again. Tom was standing on your the top step leading up to the front door, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands.

“Hi.” He breathed out, his breath forming a cloud around him due to the coldness of the air.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, keeping your eyes focused on the ground.

“Did you get my voicemail?” He responded, hope filling his eyes when you nodded. “Um, I brought these for you. I was hoping we could talk.”

“Why should I talk to you? We’re divorced, just like you wanted.” Tom winced at the words. “Nothing to change.”

“Actually, we’re not.” He corrected. “I called the office the other day. Um, it’s not official yet.”

“Well then they should make it official. Maybe I can call them and make it happen as my very last Christmas present to you. Just what you wanted.” You snapped.

“No, this isn’t what I want, can I speak, please?” He pleaded, his eyes resembling those of a puppy.

“Fucking, fine, Tom! Jesus.” You groaned.

“Can, can I come in?” He asked, his voice small and fragile.

You debated saying no, saying that he’s not welcome in your house after what he did. But it was snowing and to be honest, your face was getting cold. So you opened the door a little wider, allowing him to come in.

“Stay there.” You instructed, taking the flowers from him and placing them on the kitchen counter before going back to where he was waiting at the front door, taking a seat on the stairs across from him. “Speak.”

“The house looks nice. Really nice. You did a good j-”

“Tom I’m not gonna listen to your small talk. Say what you have to say and leave.” You told him. His heart broke but he couldn’t blame you.

“Um, so I thought I wasn’t happy with you but um, as time went on, I realized how much I miss having you in my life.” He began, visibly nervous. “I was just looking through our pictures and how happy you looked and I just, I guess I realized I wanted to be the one to make you that happy again.”

“You haven’t made me happy in months, Tom.”

“I know.” His heart clenched. “I know and I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am.”

“Was there someone else? Did you cheat on me?” You asked.

“No, no absolutely not, y/n.” He answered before adding; “I went on a date with someone after we split up but it didn’t work out. I realized she wasn’t what I want.”

“Of course she wasn’t.” You scoffed.

“I want you, y/n. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy again.” He told you, tears filling your eyes. “Is there..is there any possibility you could love me again?”

“Again?” You seethed. “Tom I never fell out of love with you! I never stopped loving you! That was all you! You stopped loving me and you wanted this stupid fucking divorce!”

“I..I don’t think I ever stopped loving you either.” He whispered, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. “Please, y/n, if there’s even the tiniest chance..”

“Of what, Tom? Of going right back to being married? Of you making me happy? I don’t know, Tom! I don’t know anything except that I hate you right now.” You sobbed, crying into your knees while Tom let out quiet sobs of his own, his heart clenching at the lack of wedding band on your left hand and the missing pictures that previously decorated the first hallway in your once shared house.

“Of..anything, y/n. Please, I just want a second chance to show you how much you mean to me, to make you happy again. I will do anything to save us, anything you want. And...and if it’s not working or you just really hate me, I wouldn’t blame you. Not at all.” He begged, his eyes puffy and red.

“I tried to save us, Tom. Don’t you remember? I begged and pleaded with you to do couples therapy to go on dates when you were breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. I begged you to try and fight for us, for our marriage, but you just walked out the god damn door!” You spit through gritted teeth.

“I fucked up, I know. I fucked up so badly.” He cried, wiping his tears away.

“And if leaving me wasn’t enough, you took Tessa too! I was left completely alone in this big fucking house that was haunted by you.” You sobbed.

“I’m..I’m sorry, y/n. So so fucking sorry. What do you want me to do?”

“I want...I want you to hurt. I want you to hurt the way you hurt me. I want you to know how this fucking feels.” You said, your voice getting louder with each word that fell from your lips.

Tom could only cry. This was ripping him apart, he couldn’t even imagine what the whole thing felt like to you.

“I’m gonna need time to think, Tom.” You finally mumbled, Tom nodding in response.

“I’ll give you all the time you need. I promise you-”

“Don’t. Don’t promise me anything.” You spoke, your voice low. “You won’t be able to keep it. You promised you’d love me forever four years ago and look what happened.”

“y/n pl-”

“You don’t get to do this. You-you don’t get to just waltz right back in here and ask for a second chance to fight for us when I didn’t even get a first chance. How do I know this won’t end like it did before?”

“y/n, I swear to you, if this isn’t working out, you can leave me. I...I just want a chance to prove myself to you.” He begged.

“God, Tom. You don’t get it! I’m not going through this again. Do you realize how much you broke me the first time? Fuck, you had a chance, Tom. And you threw it away.” You muttered quietly.

“I regret that every day. Every god damn day.” He told you honestly.

“I don’t know, Tom.” You sighed.

“Talk to me?” He tried, knowing you were hiding something deeper than an ‘I don’t know.’

“Don’t know what else there is to say.” You mumbled. “I don’t trust you, I-I can’t trust you. I hate you.”

“The pictures of us aren’t up anymore.” Tom sniffled, changing the subject.

“I hated looking at them.” You told him honestly. “I want to start over.”

“What?”

“I want to start over. I can’t go back to being emotionally married to you even if we’ll still be married legally. I’m talking starting from scratch, as if we were meeting for the first time, the whole deal.” You told him.

“That sounds perfect, y/n. Thank y-”

“Get out, Tom. Please. I just want to be alone and not with you right now. I’m still not happy with you.”

“Okay.�� He breathed out, hope filling him once again. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

“What did I just say about promises?” You asked tearily.

“I know, I know. I’m determined to keep this promise, though.” He told you.

“Fine. Whatever. Just please leave for now.” You whimpered, watching as he walked out the door, just like he did when he broke your heart.

You decided you needed another self care night. Another bath was run, another vanilla scented bath bomb was used, more wine was consumed.

Tom texted you right as you got out of the bath.

Tom: hey y/n, it’s tom, just incase you don’t have my number saved anymore. I just wanted to say thank you for the second chance. I really am grateful. I hope you have a relaxing night, you deserve it.

You rolled your eyes and tossed your phone gently on your bed, though you could feel your heart rate pick up and butterflies fill your stomach.

Tom began texting you sweet little things each morning, whether it was to let you know that he’s been thinking of you or to tell you that he hopes you have a great day. At first you ignored them, but then you began responding in short answers of one or two words until the two of you were texting every day, like when you met for the first time seven years ago.

Over a month after you started texting again, Tom took you on a first date. Pulling up to your house, Tom felt the nerves fill his body as he walked up to your front door and knocked, another bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hand.

He felt all the air leave his lungs as you opened the door. You looked absolute stunning. You were wearing a navy blue dress that reached down to just above your knees, one Tom bought you one year.

“Wow, hi.” He breathed. “You look stunning.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, accepting the flowers he handed you. “I’ll be right back.”

Tom took you to your favorite restaurant that night, one that the two of you frequented when you (formerly) went on dates.

When he took you back to your house, he walked you up to the front door, where he nervously asked if he could kiss you.

You said yes, and that was all Tom needed to press a soft kiss to your lips. The kiss was magical, both of you felt the sparks between the two of you.

“God I missed doing that.” Tom mumbled as he pulled away to breathe.

“Then do it again.”

A couple months after that, Tom moved back in with you. The pictures of the two of you were dusted off and put back up on the walls in the first hallway of the house.

Finally, after a year, Tom proposed to you (again). You hesitated a little bit, still scared it would end in heartbreak again, which broke Tom’s heart, but said you yes in the end.

The two of you renewed your vows, putting on the golden bands that were once again a symbol of the love the two of you shared.

You had a small party back at your house after the ceremony, your families joining to celebrate. You found Tom alone in the kitchen, grabbing a beer for him and Harry.

“Hey.” You greeted, fiddling with your fingers as tears of happiness filled your eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong, my love?” Tom asked, concerned as soon he saw the tears filling your eyes.

“Nothing, nothing. I, um,” You started, wiping your tears away and wrapping your arms around Tom’s neck. “I’m really glad we made it back to this.”

“Me too, lovey. I love you so much.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Hey, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“You kept your promise.” You smiled softly, making Tom’s heart ache at the memory of you not being able to trust him.

“I told you I would.”

_______________________________________________________________________

tagging some mutuals: @spideypeach @sunrise-shawn @angelic-holland @sunshinehollandd @spiderboytotherescue

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x female!reader #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland angst #tom holland oneshot

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