#when Jess died Sam came back to hunt with him

[how-many-random-fandoms]

Finally got back to watching season 8. I always saw people talking about the conflict between Sam and Dean in it but wtf, Dean just saying Benny’s been more of a brother than him while possessed, like what, has your life and the show we’ve watched been completely different or what.

[ohsc]

₊˚⊹♡ assistance | sam winchester x reader

a/n - not for kinktober just a fic i wanted to get out!! i’m unsure whether i like the dialogue on this im sorry if it sucks i feel i can never write dirty talk right *sobs* but i really hope you enjoy!!! <3

cws - fem!reader, 2k, nsfw 18+, phone sex, mutual masturbation, kind of softdom!sam, long distance, fluff, comfort, kinda unedited

other fics can be found on my masterlist

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

It was later than he’d liked by the time he finally got back to the motel. With muscles that ached from the day’s strain, brain fogged from how tired he was, Sam honestly just wanted to call his girlfriend and talk to her until he fell asleep.

He’d meant to text her a couple of hours prior to let her know the hunt was dragging on longer than expected, but his phone had fucking died when he and Dean were two hours into their trek into the woods to find the pack of werewolves they were hunting, and he’d been pretty miserable ever since.

Dean had disappeared off to the nearest bar after dropping Sam off at their room so he thankfully had the place to himself to mope around as he plugged his phone into the charger and showered whilst he waited for it to get some power. The shitty water pressure and barely lukewarm water did nothing for his aching back, so he was even more agitated by the time he got himself settled onto the uncomfortable mattress twenty minutes later, hair wet and skin still damp beneath his clothes with his eagerness to call her.

As much as he hated being away from her for so long, and too often, it was the safest thing to do. Sam wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to her because she was too close to his shit. He still had dreams about Jess, about how that was all his fault. He couldn’t let it happen again.

His phone hadn’t even reached twenty percent but he was impatient and shuffled over to the edge of the bed so the phone cord would reach and held the phone to his ear as he called her, propped himself up against the headboard.

The phone didn’t even ring twice before she answered.

“Sam?”

“Hey, baby.” The words came out in an exhale, most of the tension left him just at the sound of her voice, the ache seeping out of his bones like a relief. It was what kept him sane whenever he was away. Her picture in his wallet, her hair tie on his wrist, her voice in his ear.

“Hi, Sammy. Got worried when you didn’t call on time.”

He winced at the thought. She worried for him, of course she did. Sam understood how horrible it must have felt for her, knowing what he was going off to do. He could only imagine the dread that must’ve curled inside of her whenever he was late calling. Too many things had happened in the past, too many things could still go wrong.

“Sorry, my phone died when we were still out, didn’t get back until way later than I thought,” he groaned, sank down the headboard a little to stretch out on the bed. The agitation still hadn’t quite left him, the stiffness in his muscles prominent. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with her in his arms and he couldn’t have it. “Miss you, honey.”

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, “Missed you more. Wish you were here, it’s cold at night without you in bed too.”

He snorted a quiet laugh. “That’s why you miss me?”

“Mhm,” she giggled, though her voice turned a little coy as she murmured, “among other reasons.”

“Yeah?” An automatic smile was curling at his mouth.

Another little giggle through the receiver. He didn’t even need to see her to know that she had that little bashful smile on her face. He also knew exactly what was on her mind, it was on his too.

It wasn’t the first time they’d have done this. He was on the road so often that their sex life wasn’t as amazing as it could have been, and it wasn’t like he didn’t pleasure himself when he was away on hunts anyways.

There had been many many evenings he’d spent in the shower, hot water rolling down his back as he had one hand pressed to the tiled wall whilst the other pumped his cock until his cum was washed down the drain along with his shampoo bubbles. It wasn’t ideal — bottom lip tucked between his teeth to stifle the heaving breaths and quiet groans, trying to get off as fast as he could before the hot water could run out or Dean could get back to the room. It was even worse when it became a result of having her on the phone. There had been many occasions where her soft voice and giggles in his ear had been enough to get him hard, on nights when he was really missing her and it had just been too long since he’d kissed her.

It turned out she did the same as him. Though when Sam pictured it, it was a lot more graceful than his time in the shower. Laid out all pretty on their bed, legs spread, fingers wet with her own arousal as her head tipped back against the pillows. Sometimes if he got a little selfish he pictured her voice all whimpery saying his name as she came, but he couldn’t get lost in that daydream often, or he’d get hard over that, too.

“Miss you,” she breathed again, and the shift in her tone was palpable. “I… I tried touching myself earlier but I couldn’t cum without you on the phone.”

The groan that left him was automatic and his cock throbbed, hardening beneath the material of his boxers. The idea that she couldn’t even get off without his voice in her ear did wonders for him, it was a wonder his ego wasn’t too big already.

“You need my help, honey?” He crooned into the phone, settled into the tone of voice he knew she liked to hear, the voice he used more often than not when he was whispering in her ear, hips slotted between her thighs, rolling in a rhythm that left her whiney and panting.

Her soft little “mhm” was enough for him to move his other hand down and palm himself, hissing in a breath through his teeth.

“Go ahead and lay down for me, pretty girl. Wanna tell me what you’re wearing?”

There was the rustling of sheets over the phone before her voice spoke up again, “Just one of your shirts.”

Another groan. “You trying to kill me, baby?”

She giggled and his cock twitched beneath his palm. Jesus Christ he needed to get back to her, he needed her in person, to sate the need that wouldn’t be doused thoroughly enough over the phone.

“Go ahead and spread your legs for me, sweetheart,” he breathed, palming his cock again as he spoke, eyes squeezing shut as his head knocked back against the headboard. “Did you get yourself all worked up earlier, hm? Are you all soaked already?”

There was another hum, though he could hear the way her breathing had deepened, deep and heavy in his ear. He could picture the tickle of her breath on his face, the shape of her lips, the taste of her mouth after she’d just brushed her teeth. He needed her.

“Why don’t you start touching yourself for me?” He murmured, voice low with his arousal. Her resounding moan was enough for his cock to throb again and his hand finally dipped beneath his waistband, freeing himself with a quiet groan.

“Are you touching yourself too?” She whimpered, and it was a miracle he didn’t just cum there and then.

“Yeah,” his hand lifted and he tipped his head down to spit into his palm, groaning softly the next time he pumped his cock. “Yeah I am, dolly. Your pretty voice got me all worked up— fuck.” He breathed out the word between his teeth. He was already leaking pre-cum, thumbing over the head of his cock in a move that made him shudder, though it felt nice when she did it. Stroked his cock with her pretty hands, her pretty lips that wrapped around his head when she was on her knees for him, licking along the length of his dick in a way that always made him weak in the knees.

She moaned again and his hips jerked, rutting into his hand with a filthy groan. “How’re you feeling, honey?”

She whimpered, and Sam felt another dribble of pre-cum slide down the length of his cock. “Good— mm, good, j’st—” she took in a shaky breath, “feels better when it’s you, baby.”

“Oh yeah?” He grunted, pumping his cock just a little faster. “Why’s that, dolly?”

“Bigger hands,” she breathed. “longer fingers.”

Sam moaned, the idea of his fingers nestled deep in her wet heat enough for his cock to throb in his hand, and he knew he wouldn’t last long. But from the sounds of her pretty little whimpers, neither would she. “Can’t fill that pretty pussy up as nice as I can, hm?” He took in a shuddering breath. “Play with your clit for me, sweetheart.”

He could hear the moment she did, the sharp inhale, the whimpery moan, the rustling of the sheets as she, undoubtedly, spread her legs wider. “Oh god, Sammy—”

“Are you close, sweetheart?”

All he got in response was a high-pitched “uh-huh.”

“That’s it— shit, that’s it, baby,” he panted, pumping his cock faster, moaning softly as his head arched back. “Go on, dolly, make some pretty sounds for me as you cum, won’t you? M’gonna cum just thinking about you making such a mess of yourself, c’mon, baby—” he was practically begging between sharp breaths.

It only took a moment before he heard her sharp inhale and the whine that followed, and all it took was a few more quick ruts into his hand and the sounds of her before he groaned her name, toes curled and eyelids scrunched as he came. He could feel the evidence of his orgasm dribbling down his cock and his fingers as he shucked a few more times, hissing through his teeth as he finally stopped.

“Oh sweetheart,” he breathed, panting, not unlike her heavy breaths into the phone. “You sounded so fucking pretty, honey. That feel good for you?”

She took a shuddery breath and hummed again. “Yeah, thanks baby.”

Sam couldn’t help the breathy chuckle. “Don’t need to thank me,” he murmured. “M’always gonna take care of my girl, even if I’m not there. You made quite a mess of me, too.”

She breathed a laugh, and a moment passed of just their shared breathing as they both calmed down. Sam’s cock had softened completely against his abdomen, and he’d have to change his clothes and have another shower, but fuck was it worth it.

“I’ll be on my way back to you tomorrow,” he promised once his breathing had mostly evened out. “Should be with you before dinner, then you get me all to yourself.”

She yawned into the phone before mumbling, “Good, want you back to me as soon as possible.”

The sound of her so sleepy just left him so soft. “I promise I will be,” he breathed. “Why don’t you get some sleep, okay honey? I’ll call you in the morning when we’re on the road.”

“Okay,” her voice had completely softened, coated in a sickly-sweet fondness that left him putty in her hands. “I love you. Get back to me safe, okay?”

“I always do,” Sam smiled. “I love you too. Night, gorgeous.”

She yawned her own goodbye before the line went dead, and he let the phone drop back down onto the mattress with a heavy breath.

Just one more day, then he could have her in person, help her in all the ways he wanted to on the phone.

[dulcescorderitas]

let me love you like a woman

parings: sam winchester x reader

song: let me love you like a woman by lana del rey

warnings: 18+, smut

from a small town, how 'bout you?

sam winchester wasn’t used to softness.

not real softness, not the kind that lingers in the morning light, stretching across sheets that smell like love and laughter. not the kind that curls up next to you on the couch, fingers tracing patterns on his skin, not asking for anything, just being there.

he had known the rough kind of love. the kind edged in fire and regret, love that felt more like a fight for survival than something you could rest in. jess had been soft, once. but even that had been haunted, because he had known—even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself, he had known—that it wouldn’t last.

but you—God, you were something different.

i only mention it 'cause i'm ready to leave l.a.

he found you in some nowhere town, the kind that didn’t have a name worth remembering. you’d been working in a bar, slinging drinks and dodging grabby hands with the kind of practiced ease that told him you’d been doing it too damn long. he hadn’t been looking for anything when he met you. hadn’t been ready.

but love doesn’t give a damn if you’re ready. it just happens.

one night turned into two. two turned into something more. and before he knew it, he was coming back to you after every hunt, like gravity had tied itself to his ribs and dragged him home.

home.

it still felt strange to think of it that way.

and i want you to come

he didn’t talk about the past much. you never pushed. you let him tell you things in pieces, in half-whispered confessions at two a.m. when the nightmares made his breath come short and shallow.

you learned about ruby first, because that wound was still fresh. the betrayal. the blood. the way he had let himself become something he wasn’t sure he could ever undo.

jess came later, and it wrecked him in a way he hadn’t expected. he could barely get the words out, hands shaking as he told you about her, about the way he had loved her, about how she had burned.

and the other women—well.

there had been other women.

sam winchester was a man who carried grief like a second skin, and sometimes, the only way to drown it out was to feel something else.

but none of them had been you.

you weren’t a distraction. you weren’t an escape. you were real. and that terrified him more than anything else.

80 miles north or south will do

one night, lying in bed with your head on his chest, you told him you wanted to leave. not forever. just for a while.

“pick a direction,” you murmured, tracing circles over his heart. “north or south?”

“doesn’t matter,” he said, voice rough with sleep. “as long as you’re there.”

and he meant it.

God, he meant it.

i don't care where, as long as you're with me

you didn’t leave right away. life never worked like that. there were hunts to finish, loose ends to tie up. but every time sam came back to you, every time he held you close, he felt something settle inside him.

he still had nightmares. still woke up some nights gasping for breath, the weight of his past pressing down on his chest like something tangible.

but you were always there. always whispering his name in that soft, steady voice. always pulling him back.

let me love you like a woman

one night, he broke.

not in a dramatic way. not in a way that made noise.

he just let go.

let you hold him. let you see him—all of him. the broken pieces, the sharp edges, the parts of himself he had spent years trying to hide.

and you stayed.

let me hold you like a baby

you didn’t try to fix him. didn’t tell him it would be okay. you just loved him.

and for the first time in his life, sam winchester let himself believe that was enough.

he was quiet that night, his body wound tight like a coiled spring. the hunt had been rough. not the kind where blood was spilled, but the kind that left an ache somewhere deeper. a child had died. a mother had screamed. and sam had carried the weight of it all, shouldering it the way he always did, like it was his burden to bear alone.

but you weren’t having it.

“let me take care of you,” you whispered against his jaw, lips ghosting over his skin. he sighed, hands flexing against your hips, fingers twitching like he wanted to pull you close and push you away at the same time.

“you don’t have to,” he murmured, but you could hear the longing beneath the protest. the way he wanted it but didn’t know how to ask.

so you didn’t make him ask.

let me shine like a diamond

you just kissed him. slow. deep. the kind of kiss that felt like unraveling a knot that had been pulled too tight. his breath hitched when your fingers slid beneath his shirt, tracing the hard planes of muscle, the scars, the story of his body written in old wounds and fresh tension.

“sam,” you breathed, pressing your forehead to his. “let me love you.”

his lips parted, a shuddering exhale slipping out, and then he melted.

let me be who i'm meant to be

he let you undress him, let you push him back onto the bed, let you kiss every inch of him like he was something sacred. his hands trembled when they found your skin, tracing up your sides, gripping your thighs as you straddled him.

“i’ve got you,” you whispered, guiding him inside you, taking him slow, taking him deep. his eyes squeezed shut, a groan ripping from his throat as he sank into you, as your body wrapped around him like something holy.

talk to me in poems and songs

“God,” he choked out, his hands grasping at your hips like he didn’t know how to hold on properly, like he was afraid to break you.

but you wanted to be his anchor. you rode him slow, deliberate, watching the tension bleed out of his shoulders with every roll of your hips. you kissed the furrow from his brow, whispered his name like it was a prayer, like he was worth worshiping.

don't make me bittersweet

and when he finally came undone beneath you, gasping your name like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth, you held him through it.

pressed kisses to his temple. ran your fingers through his hair.

loved him the way he deserved to be loved.

and sam winchester, for the first time in his life, let himself be loved.

let me love you like a woman

taglist: @iloveeveryoneyoureamazing @legalmente-loca @bluemerakis @whisperingdaze @cherrygirlfriend @figthoughts @sunsbaby @ambiguous-avery @sunnyteume @starzify

[studiogrimm810]

Awakening Flames

pairings/characters: (pining) sam winchester x gn!you

summary: the smoke, the fire... it brings back memories of jess and awakens feelings in sam that you didn't even think he had for you to begin with

warnings: house fire, smoke inhalation, mentions of blood, metions of ptsd

word count: 3,619

A/N: goddamn, that picture of sam breaks my fucking heart

———————

Sam has always been protective, gentle, and admittedly a little clingy when it came to you, but you knew that with such a troubled past, it made sense. And it never created any real problems. Sure, he can be a little overbearing during hunts or a little obsessive when it comes to you being alone with even a whiff of danger in the air, but you just know it’s because he cares about you. And you also know that deep down, you can be the same way.

Although, in all of your years of hunting together you have never seen him panic like he had tonight. You have absolutely no clue what wire snapped in Sam’s mind that made him act like this. The two of you have been on plenty of hunts, fought dozens of different creatures and even had your fair share of close calls. It didn’t make sense why he was freaking out now.

It was routine, classic even. For the past week or so, you and Sam had been tracking a couple of demons wreaking havoc on towns along a stretch of highway in southern Illinois and you had finally cornered them hiding out in an abandoned apartment complex.

It was a tough fight at first but eventually the demons dropped like flies and it was left to one last poor possessed woman. You were close, so you tackled her, wrestling her to the floor and swinging your angel blade wildly in an attempt to slice any exposed skin.

But once Sam made it back into the living room with you and the last demon, it had already been done.

The demon had flipped you over, straddling you. She knocked the blade out of your hand and dashed out of the open doorway closer to the two of you, knocking over a bottle of whiskey in the process. The crash of the bottle mixed with an even sharper shatter of glass in the other room due to the demon's quick escape. The bottle, of course, landed right next to the lit fireplace and flames quickly crawled past the iron platter that the logs rested on. It spat out harsh heat that quickly climbed the rotted curtains next to the fireplace.

It all happened so fast, and now half of the room was swallowed in red and orange flames by the time you can get to your feet. The smoke clouds the room and you can hear Sam calling for you. You spin to find him on the other side of the room at the other doorway that opens into the hallway that leads out of the apartment. Outside. Where you need to be right the fuck now.

You cough and crouch down to try and escape some of the smoke. Sam calls your name again, “stay low! Hold on, I-I’ll get to you, just-,” he flicks back and forth, looking for anything to help him.

“Sam, go! I’ll find my way out,” you cough, turning to find out where the demon escaped from.

“No! No, don’t-,” Sam begs, his voice cracking in the process. You turn back to look at him and can see beautiful drips of flames falling up towards the ceiling, illuminating his face. He looks terrified. Because, what you don’t know, is what he sees is your face exactly like you see his. Exactly like Jess.

All you knew about Jess was that she was Sam’s college girlfriend who died at the hands of Azazel.

The smoke fills Sam’s nostrils and the heat pushes him mentally back onto the plush cushion of his once shared bed. His mind rings with ‘please’s’ and ‘no, not again’s’. He’s completely panicked and irrational and he doesn’t know how to save you.

He never knows how to save them.

Jess.

Madison.

You.

And you don’t know what’s even going on in his mind enough to level with him, because from here he still just looks rabid with fear.

“Sam, you have to trust me,” you cough, trying to ignore the burn in your lungs. You take a few steps back to see that your only doorway leads to a kitchen with a broken window and, if you’re lucky enough, a fire escape. “Go downstairs and around back, I’ll have to jump,” another series of nasty coughs falling past your lips seems to snap him out of his funk just enough to listen.

“I’ll be there,” he nods, his feet moving before his mind catches up with him and he has to tear away his eyes from yours.

Now you can just focus on getting out of here. The smoke has started to make you dizzy but you promised Sam. The kitchen was a mossy mess, a little slippery but enough organic matter to really kick this fire up a notch. You have to hurry. You make it to the window, ignoring the left over shards of glass stuck in the pane because the fire is only getting hungrier.

It’s a two story drop below but with no ladder or help to get down because apparently, luck is rarely on your side. Sam rounds the corner as soon as you fully access your severely fucked situation. He knows it too.

But you promised.

You have to jump, it’s all that’s left. Sam stands right under the window, his arms raised and his eyes still irrational, “I’ll catch you,” he nods, encouraging you to evacuate. The fire has claimed the first half of the kitchen already and your silhouette is lit up like a halo by the orange flames. Sam’s heart is racing in his chest, making each second feel like an eternity.

“Sam-,” you start to argue but he barks back.

“No! Just jump, now!” He demands, using a voice he’s never used on you before and honestly it makes your stomach flip at the authority. You let your brain just turn off so you can listen to his instructions thoughtlessly. You climb over the pane, holding onto the splintery wood and trying to avoid any loose shards of glass.

“Fuck,” you whisper after positioning yourself just right. You let go, your organs delayed with your body causing the worst roller coaster feeling to bubble about your stomach. You land into Sam, tumbling you both to the soft grass beneath you with a forced grunt. His hands quickly wrap around your form the second you hit into his chest and he makes a point to take the full impact of the fall. He swallows the grunt that threatens to erupt into a low whine of pain.

You quickly roll off over top of him to allow him to take full breaths because you heard the air get knocked out of him but his grip doesn’t leave your waist even with half of your body off of him. You still manage to sit up, having a coughing fit trying to catch your lungs up with your racing heart.

Sam sits up, a bit dazed but the adrenaline of almost losing you like that powered him like a sedan engine full of diesel, it was enough to damage him as he forced himself to keep pushing his limits.

“Are you okay?” His hands reach out, cupping your face to make you look at him. You try to resist the grip so that you don’t cough in his face but he doesn’t seem to care about that. As you now get a good look at his face you see a glossy well of tears about to spill from his eyes and your heart melts with aching empathy.

“I-I’m fine,” your voice is rough and aching, but you force out the words in hopes to bring him down just a bit. He looks you over, pushing hair out of your face and checking any exposed skin for burn marks.

“Your hands,” he breathes out, holding your palms up so he can inspect them closer. As you look down at them, only then does the stinging pain register. When you lept from the window, apparently you weren’t as careful with the pane as you thought. Both palms are scratched up and bleeding, speckled with a few loose pieces of glass or wood. He doesn’t have the supplies on him now to help, just now remembering the duffle he brought along for the hunt is gone, swallowed by the burning lake inside.

He looks at the window that you jumped out of and then back down at you, pushing out a shaken breath, “okay, I need to get you out of here, back to the motel and I can get you cleaned up.” He nods, his gaze fixed on your palms again. Before you have time to respond, he’s standing and pulling you up with him, keeping a firm hold on your waist as he leads you back to the Impala. He helps you get settled in the passenger seat and hurries to the other side, keeping an eye out for any trouble.

“Sam,” you start as he climbs into the driver's side and ignites the engine.

“Are you sure you didn’t get burnt? That was a bad fall. Your clothes are singed, you need fresh clothes,” he rattles off, speeding back into the direction of the motel.

“Sam!” You try again, louder this time and it causes a fresh line of sickening coughs. You hunch over in your lap, holding your chest and trying to settle your breathing but the thick smoke that invaded your nose has stuck along your throat and trickled into your lungs. It burns.

“Hey, hey-, you with me?” He asks, torn between pulling over or continuing his race to get you as far away from the growing cloud of smoke. You only continue coughing in response and he jerks the car to the side of the road so that he can give you his full attention. He just can’t help himself.

He puts the car in park and jumps out, rounding the vehicle to open your own door so you can get some fresh air that he hopes to god will help. The strangled coughs interrupted by the weak wheezing of each breath you took constricted his chest, almost replicating a singe in his own lungs. Almost.

“Okay, just let it out, focus on your breathing, you’ll be okay,” he helps you turn your body so your legs are out of the Impala and he pushes back some more of your hair. After a few more deep coughs that rattle your throat, you're able to take fuller breaths that are noticeably satisfying now. “Better?” He asks, his hand on your thigh, closer than he would usually get but you can’t seem to mind.

You just nod, not wanting to risk speaking again and letting it be followed by a string of more nasty coughs that edge Sam closer and closer to an early grave. You still can’t put together why he got so freaked.

“Good, now I really want to get you back to the motel so I can clean up those hands,” he looks back down at your blood-slick palms. You just nod again.

After getting back on the road, and going just 10 over the speed limit this time, Sam called in the fire to local authorities and slid his phone back in his pocket. By now, it wasn’t too far from the motel and you could already see the neon lights.

Sam slows down to make a safe, but still a bit jerky, turn into the motel parking lot and puts her in park. You’d reckon Dean would be at Sam’s throat for how he’s treating his baby. Or maybe Dean would be better than you and actually put two and two together as to why he’s so damn jumpy.

Sam ushers you towards the room you booked a few hours ago and leads you to the bed, resting you gently on the edge.

“I’ll be right back,” Sam’s eyes take in any detail of your face that he can in a desperate attempt to settle his nerves a bit, but he just cannot seem to calm down. With a weighted breath, he stands and goes back out to the Impala to get the necessities for post-hunt clean up.

You just try to catch up with the past 20 minutes of your life.

But before you can, Sam is already pulling up a chair to sit across from you as he gently takes one of your hands to examine again.

“None of the cuts are too deep, won’t even need stitches,” a quick smile perks his lips as he lets out a puff of air that you're convinced still contained some smoke from that fire from how tense he’s been. You watch him as his pinched brows frame such worry struck eyes. You can’t emphasize enough just how weird this is. “Should probably run them under water,” he looks up at you before helping you over to the bathroom sink to do so.

You don’t need more help walking but, Jesus, you don’t have the heart to push him away.

He makes extra sure that the water is at an okay temperature before introducing it to your palms. And you still hiss when the water meets them, no matter it being too cool or too hot, it still stung like a bitch and made you instinctively lean away from the faucet. Sam brings over a hand towel to wet before using it to wash away any blood from the uninjured surfaces of your hands, cleaning up all that he can so as to reduce your discomfort.

It’s quiet once he gets to work on removing the splinters and shards of glass, his hands steady as ever and his focus honed in on your palms. Nothing more. Nothing less.

He also gave you a glass of water to help with the dry burn in your throat, even making sure there was a straw so you wouldn’t have to pick up the glass. So thoughtful. You waited for your breathing to be easy enough for you to trust your speech before finally asking the question that itched the tip of your tongue.

“Sam?” You start, your voice still raspy and it aches as it rubs out of your vocal chords, but you push through. His head pops up and looks over your features to try and gauge what was wrong now because why else would you try to talk? His mind is still in panic-mode and he subconsciously readies solutions for worst case scenarios. “What happened back there?” You follow up before he can rush out another prod to how you’re doing or if something’s wrong.

His jaw clenches and he swallows whatever invisible mouthful he had and his eyes gloss over- not with tears this time but a momentary lack of focus. Like he’s thinking back to something. He looks back down at the hand which still has some shards in it but the tweezers don’t move. You would almost expect the gears turning in his head were about to supply you a fresh round of smoke to choke on, but then he speaks.

“I’m sorry.”

Okay, that you weren’t expecting. Sure, maybe it felt like he was blowing it a tiny bit out of proportion, but it was still a life or death scenario, and his reaction was obviously triggered by something that he shouldn’t feel ashamed of. Your first thought was maybe it reminded him of his time in Hell. With Lucifer. The thought makes a tickle of bile rise up in your throat that starts to sting the already sore tissue.

“I just freaked.”

Under any other circumstance you would have laughed at his understatement. But the pain in his still unfocused, far away look stops the urge before you realize it was there in the first place.

“The fire?” It was the only thing you could think of, the only thing that was different from a usual hunt. He nods, eyes still unfocused. It really gave you nothing to go off of. You already figured it was the fire and you just wanted to know why.

He’s working his jaw, mulling over how exactly he wants to word this- if he even wants you to hear it in the first place. His shoulders slump and he sets aside the tweezers, running a hand down his face. The hand almost works like a magic trick- revealing the caught up toll that this night has taken on his mental state with one swift swipe.

“Jess,” he offers the name, just testing if his voice can keep from breaking. It doesn’t, but he keeps going anyway because he knows that he scared you and it makes him feel sick. Almost as sick as seeing fire frame your body like a mane. Almost as sick as the images of Jess that assaulted his closed lids when he tried to steady himself. Almost, but not quite, so he decides not to apologize again. “Dean ever tell you how our mom died?” Sam asks, not looking up to face you just yet.

Fuck. Of course.

“Oh,” you breathe out, remembering Dean mentioning that a demon set their childhood home ablaze, taking their mothers life with the fall.

“Jess died the same way. Azazel,” Sam continues, choosing his words carefully and selecting them out with proper timing so he doesn’t break too soon. “He pinned her to the ceiling-.”

What?

“And burned her alive above me.”

The fuck?

“Just like he did to our mom.”

Okay, those details were left out of Dean’s story altogether but you can’t really blame him for skipping them.

You’re speechless, unable to remember any words that you spent the last 30 some-odd years using. Of course he freaked out.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” and you are. Truly. You couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose a partner like that. You’ve lost people but never like that. Never so… just out of your reach.

“I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing you like that too.”

That makes sense.

“I lost Jess, Madison, and I just couldn’t-,” he voice breaks and his head dips down as the words die just before his lips.

Wait, what? You really want this man to stop throwing curve balls and let you catch up to literally anything. But his words get you thinking. He was triggered by the flames, reminded of Jess’ death, but not just that, it was a fear of losing you. Comparing you to Jess and whoever this Madison was. What was he implying?

He sniffled before bringing his head back up, not looking at you just yet but you can tell that he’s trying to work up the nerve again. He hasn’t even realized his slip up, his choice of words that reveal deeper feelings that are buried under the fear that comes with this life and the effects it has on those you allow yourself to love.

“I just-, I thought I was going to lose you like I lost them and I freaked and I didn’t mean to scare you,” he finally gets his eyes back up at yours, reddened and wet. He doesn’t apologize again like you thought he would and you’re thankful that he doesn’t feel ashamed enough to do it a second time.

“I get it,” you assure, holding his gaze with the swirling subconscious thought of his choice of wording just a few paces ago. Thoughts that get slammed to the front line of your thinking as his eyes dart down to your lips- not scanning for signs of discomfort, but just to your lips.

“You didn’t scare me,” you shake your head, watching him as he watches you. Locked in this tunnel vision hooked between the two of you, growing shorter and shorter without either of you realizing it.

“I just need you to be okay.” He whimpers the words like a prayer. Like you’re the only being who can grant him his wish if he’s needy enough. If he begs enough. 

“I’m okay, Sam,” you only need to whisper now, the heat of your words hitting his lips that are so close you could practically taste him. He swallows, holding just your eyes now, his own not dipping down to your lips or your hair or your neck. Even if the last one would rile you up enough to make a move.

“Okay,” he whispers back, still a raw echo of words that tug on your heart. You want to ask him why- why he chose that specific wording, why he panicked in such a way that exposed himself, why the tension between you couldn’t back hacked with a fucking butcher knife. But you don’t. You don’t say a word as he goes back to plucking the foreign objects from your palm. As much as you want to be reckless and spontaneous and just take what you want to be yours- you don’t.

You don’t because the look that stains his face is one of utter exhaustion- mental and physical. This night has wrecked him more than you know him to outwardly admit to anytime soon.

You don’t because this isn’t how he would want it, and you fear he will take it as an act of thankfulness or obligation on your part.

You don’t because the man in front of you deserves better. He deserves the memory of the two of you to not be a tainted bond of his PTSD but of a memorable connection built from the years of friendship and love he’s already given you.

He deserves your best, and you’re prepared to offer him just that when he’s ready.

———————

thank you so much for reading!! <3

>pictures are not my own, i have the originals linked here (pinterest) >>check out my other works here

[hippychick006]

Them: Dean should have had a normal life away from Sam, he wanted a normal life!

Reality on the show was that Dean had multiple opportunities to have a normal life and rejected it, every skngle time. Off the top of my head, we have:

- the Djinn episode where he’s dating a hot chick and Sam is engaged to Jess, he rejected it because it wasn’t his brother

- the French mistake episode, they could have stayed in the non monster world, never hunting again but they weren’t brothers in that world

- the time he was living a normal life with Lisa and Ben, but the second Sam came back, he quickly rejected that life to go back to hunting with his brother (even though Sam wasn’t the same, he still, chose that over “normal”)

- the episode John came back, he finally had his entire family which is all he’d ever thought he wanted and… he rejected it, killing their father again because Sam wasn’t Sam.

- even the episode he finally died for good, he could have been spending time with friends/family doing “normal” things but no, he avoided them, went for a drive and his heaven only was complete when Sam joined him.

What you wanted for Dean and what he wanted for himself are two entirely different things

[d-hasselhoff]

GIVEN UP

Dean Winchester

Sam says something he didn’t mean to in the midst of an argument.

Sam and Dean were arguing again.

You weren’t sure the exact argument, but it had something to do with Dean not understanding what Sam felt when he lost Jessica. After hearing that, you slinked off to the Deancave, leaving the brothers to settle it out on their own.

Minutes later Dean came down, grunting something about his keys, and left. You sighed, running a hand through your hair. He would be out, driving around, and then he’d come back. You decided maybe you should talk to Sam, see what his side of the story was before Dean made him out to be the villain.

“Sam? Everything alright?” You knocked on the doorframe of his open bedroom. He looked up at you from his desk.

“Y/n? Oh, yeah. Just a little fight.” Sam gave you a small, unsure smile.

“Wanna talk about it?” You asked lightly, sitting down on his bed.

He nodded, turning his chair toward you.

“What happened?”

“We uh, we were talking the mark, and about sacrifices, and he said that I’d never had to give up anything major and then I kind of yelled at him about Jessica and how he’d never really had to sacrifice anything. He wanted to be in this life, he wanted you and he wanted a hunting life. He got everything he wanted. I never wanted anything like this. I wanted to practice law and live in my suburban house with Jess and our kids. And now I can’t. But you two, you’ve got it all! You’ve got all you wanted.”

You licked your lips, listening intently. “D’ya know I was pregnant?”

Sam raised an eyebrow at you. “You were? When?”

“Years ago. ‘Bout when Jess died and your dad went missing. I was five months along when Dean realized your dad was gone too long and decided he wanted to go lookin’ for him.

So, we did. And we went to collect you, and Dean saw how happy you and Jess looked, and that night he told me he was really ready to settle down once he found your dad. He was ready to settle down and live a normal life.” You sniffled slightly, the memory hitting you like a semi. Sam looked up, and Dean stood in the doorway, unnoticed by you. “And then Jess died. Jess died, and you were so determined to find her killer that Dean realized he couldn’t leave you to hunt alone. And so I had a decision to make. I could either have this baby and try to raise it on my own, which I knew wouldn’t work, or I could have it and give it up.”

“So you gave it up?”

“I did. I gave it up. Dean gave it up. Dean gave up the life he was promised, and the life he was so ready to live so that you could find and kill the thing that killed your ticket out of the hunting life.

So, yes, he’s sacrificed a lot. An entire life. And I know it feels as though it’ll never be the same as losing Jess, and I’m sure it’s not exactly the same, but it’s just as hard. It’s just as demanding. And honestly, I’m kind of glad we didn’t give up hunting. I would love to be able to settle down, but I think we’d get so bored. The most fun we’d get is fuckin’ church bingo.” Sam snorted at that, imagining Dean at a church bingo.

Dean laughed, catching your attention. “Hey, baby,” you greeted, patting the spot next to you on the bed.

He wandered over and sat behind you, wrapping his arms around your torso. “Hey, sweetheart. Do we need to attend a church bingo now?”

You laughed, throwing your head back onto his shoulder. “I think we might. You gonna join us, Sammy?”

“Only if I get to keep our winnings,”

[igotanidea]

Time off : Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Request: can you write something super fluffy with Dean? Like a day off of hunting or so?

Hope you'll like it anon.

Warning: slight innuendo, couple referrals to the events in the show, but no spoilers (seriously, if you don't know it, go check the "pudding scene" :D )

***

Dean Winchester was not afraid of ghost, monsters, angels, devils, genies or any other kind of monstrous creatures. How could he? The hunter blood in his veins was an effective method of keeping his fear at bay at all times.

But…..

Sometimes, very rarely, after a particularly hard case and fighting, he was brutally reminded that despite everything he was only human with all the weaknesses that came with it. Normally he would just shrug it off, patch himself up, get some sleep and move on to another mission. Keeping appearances of the rowdy boy, charming his way with the characteristic smirk and deflecting emotions by using sarcasm and dry humor.  More often than not it was his brother’s sake.  Someone had to do the dirty job, and he was not going to let Sammy get his hands dirty.

Or at least that’s what he thought when he and his brother started their crusade. But it’s been quite a few years ago and now he was just tired. Just that. And moving forward despite everything.  

He was used to being alone with the weight of the world on his shoulder, carrying it like some sort of martyr. No asking for help, not forming friendship or any real long-term relationship. One night stand? Sure, absolutely his style. Dragging a woman into his messed up life? Nah, thank you very much. Even those, who were fairly experienced in the hunting field could not withstand it and that was Dean’s greatest failure and guilt, even if he would never admit it out loud.  

And then, Y/N came into his life. Or rather, slammed into it.

And it was not in the way anyone may suspect. Y/N was not just another victim of supernatural occurrence who the brothers tried to safe. Quite the opposite actually.

 She was Sam’s friends from the law school. Only that Sam never graduated and she did. This fierce and sarcastic girl was one of the most insightful and brave people Dean has ever met. And in his job he met a lot so he had quite the comparison. And on top of all her skills, she was very knowledgeable of the specifics of Winchester’s legacy and family business. From the first day she met Sam she knew that the boy was hiding something, probably running from the past. Silent observation, a few tricky questions and some digging were enough to rim the younger brother and force him to confess. All in absolute confidentiality of course. They were best of friends, not afraid to confide in another and not afraid to just be themselves. Obviously Jess did not like it. But she had very little to say when she died in fire and Sam was dragged back into the past and joined his brother, leaving Y/N behind. For three years . And just like that, they met again by some crazy accident. Winchester’s found themselves investigating a case in one of the countless cities and much to their surprise found counselor Y/N doing pretty much the same. And to even bigger surprise she was doing crazily good, getting information neither of them ever could. They made quite the team, so she tagged along, joining brothers. Being a pain in the ass, as Dean was so kind to describe. Deep inside however, he liked that girl and perhaps was slightly jealous of the fact that she was so good in the same field as he. Sam went even as far to ask him if he was afraid of competition. A mistake he only made once. 

Y/N was dealing with all the inconveniences and obstacles with stubbornness and analytical mind. And Dean soon found himself falling for her. And worried about her safety. And acting like an idiot saying a lot of harsh and untrue words just to discourage her and made her leave for good. Guess what? She did not.

One day, Sam came back to the motel the three were staying in and walked right into a very heated argument, filled with screaming, door slamming and throwing things at each other. Followed by a week of not talking and sulking. It was impossible to work with those two. Good thing the younger Winchester decided to knock some sense into his brother’s head. Accidental, arranged meeting in the middle of the night resulted in shy kisses which quickly turned far less innocent when Y/N and Dean ended up in his motel room indulging in some other activities than hunting. Poor Sam had a really rough night and barely slept (thin walls, people!), but despite the teasing he gave the couple he couldn’t be more glad they finally resolved the case and confessed true feelings for each other.

And that backstory brings us to this day.

Sometimes Dean was just tired.  And she knew exactly when those moments were coming and were always ready to make him feel better.

“Ok, that is enough.” She advice in the most stern voice anyone has ever heard from her, walking into the bunker’s main room.

“We’re actually in the middle of something….” Sam started

“Get out Sam.”

“But…..”

“Do you really want to me to start figuring out what case you’re not telling me about. ‘Cause this is not gonna end up nice for you.” she warned

“We’re not hiding anything…..”

“Shall I remind you I’m a lawyer? You are skilled in deception Winchester, but you cannot fool me. Now out!” her index finger pointed at the door and Sam had no choice but to obey. Sometimes Y/N was scarier than any creature met during the years,  not that he was going to point that out.

“Are you on your period sweetheart?” Dean grinned

“I’m sorry?” she raised an eyebrow

“You look like you wanted to kill him. Cramps?”

“Do you really want to find out?”

“Nah. Thank you. I’ve had my fair share of dying and coming back to life.”

“Right. Cannot deny your experience in the field. Being raised from perdition by the angel of the god surely does ……”

‘Y/n”

“Oh what the hell now.” Y/n turned around only to be met with another extraterrestrial creature in a distinctive trench coat.

“Y/N” he repeated

“Well hello Cass.” She rolled her eyes “what brings you, well, down to Earth if I’m allowed to use that expression.

“You called my name.” he pointed out

“No I did not.” she opposed

“Yes. You did.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, even if I did, since when are you the one to answer the phone? From what I know you show up and disappear as you please.”

“that is not true” Castiel looked above her shoulder, eyes fixed on Dean.

“At least this time you keep personal space” Winchester pointed out, chewing on his sandwich

“Do you guys want me to leave you two alone? I can smell heavy bromance in the air….”

“What is bromance?” Cas tilted his head in confusion

“Y/N…..” Dean warned “don’t you dare…..”

“Why not? why don’t we educate our little wingy friend on some modern terms?”

“He’s big enough to do it by himself”

“Really?” the girl raised an eyebrow “are you speaking from experience”

“I don’t understand what you two are talking about….”

“Get out Cas!’ both of them shouted at him and with the slightest shrug, bit of confusion on his face and flapping of the wings disappeared.

“Do you think he is actually going to check what bromance is?” Y/n wondered

“Not a chance”

“That’s a relief. Knowing Cas he would want to experience it in real life.”

“He’s got undeniable chemistry with Crowley so how about that” Dean smirked but despite the irony and humor he was using he could not hide the tiredness and worry reflecting in his eyes. “You wanted something from me?”

“I just came to say hi.” She moved forward and snuggled next to him “haven’t seen you whole day.”

“Hi baby” he replied kissing her forehead “I’m sorry, but you know how it is. The work…..”

“You need rest, Dean.”

“I don’t…..”

“I’m not accepting refusal, honey” Y/N cupped his cheek “let me take care of you. Please. You’ve had enough. Let me get you to bed.”

“You just can’t wait to get your hands on me, hm? I;m not opposed to….”

“Shut up you idiot!” previous tenderness and care was replaced by a smack through his head

“Hey what happened to let me take care of you?” he whined

 “On second thought maybe you don’t need it that much if you’re up for dirty jokes.”

“Ok, point taken. I’ll be good, I promise. Scout’s word.”

“You were never a scout.”

“Honorary one.  Witness in the person of Bobby.”

“Sold” she smiled and resumed doting over her boyfriend “My poor boy” she moved closer and locked arms around him, hugging so tight, so close, with so much love and affection. “we can just stay here.” Her voice was partially muttered since her face was buried in his chest. “we don’t need to do anything. Just be. ”

“I want nothing more but …..”

“No, Dean. No buts.” She opposed shaking her head “We’ve cracked 12 cases in the last two weeks. Saved hell lot of people….”

“Why does it still feel not enough? Like I could do more……”

“Dean…..” she whispered looking up, cupping his cheek and brushing it softly.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m being grumpy.”

“What’s new” she grinned “guess I’m not the one on period after all.”

“You should have left when you had a chance….”

“Sure. Unfortunately one stubborn bad boy made it impossible.”

“Bad boy, huh? What’s his crime?”

 “Heart stealing.” She whispered meeting his eyes

“I’m sure he keeps in the safe place where it can’t get hurt.” Dean moved his head slightly to kiss the palm of the hand still resting on his cheek “I could never……”

“I know.” she assured

“Besides, it’s not stealing if you captured mine. I would rather call it an exchange.”

“I like the sound of that. “ she smiled lightly “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“ Let me save you today. For once, let me be the one to protect you from the monsters in your mind.”

“It’s not…..” he started but she did not let him finish.

“Just let me…..” she whispered again and her voice held so many emotions all he could do was nod in agreement. Giving in to her completely. “Come with me”.

All that happened after seemed like a beautiful dream he did not have in weeks. Intertwining their fingers Y/N led him to the coach on the other side and made him lay down, never ever stopping gentle caress on his back and shoulders. It was so comforting and calming that when she moved away to get the blanket Dean grabbed her wrist, eyes pleading not to leave him.

“Relax, baby” she kissed top of his head, her heart breaking a little “I’m right here with you. Not going anywhere. Just can’t risk us getting cold.”

“Us?” he frowned a bit

“I just told you I’m not leaving.” She laughed lightly stretching as far as possible to reach for the rug without falling of the bed and without letting go of his hand “So yes, us. Think we can fit under that?”

“I think you will have to get closer to me.” He muttered, arms wrapping around her making her squeal.

“How… how close?”

“Closer.”

“Closer than what?”

“Just closer.” He whined lying head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.  

“Ok.” She responded, shifting positions, one hand on his back, rubbing circles there, other running through his hair. “I love you Dean.”

“I know sweetheart….”

“Say it back, you fool….” She pleaded, absolutely overwhelmed by the peace his presence brought her. Just him, doing nothing. Relying on her, trusting her, not having this emotional wall that separated them from each other way too often. Vulnerable in her embrace, surrendering to her love. Happy tears sprung from her eyes and as one warm drop landed on his cheek he looked up immediately.

“Baby? You know I do love you, please don’t cry…..” slight panic creeping on his face.

“I’m not sad, honey. Just… having you like this…..you don’t even know what it means to me.”

“I love you” he whispered leaning forward “I love you.” chaste kiss on her lips “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I know.” she smirked “Now, sleep. I’ll keep demons at bay.”

“What about nosy angels?”

“I think I can handle.”

“How about humans?”

“Those are easiest to get rid of. Have you ever heard that song dumb ways to die? Quite an inspiration in desperate times” she laughed and the sound made him pull her in more. Just some time off with her was all he needed and he was going to enjoy this the maximum.  

“Can we have some pie later?” he mumbled

“How about pudding? Bet that brings good memories?” she teased referring to the craziest thing he did back in the days.

“Please…..” he groaned “don’t remind me….”

“Oh, I will never let you live it down.”

[apocalypseornaw]

I Want You

Dean makes it back from Hell and sees the changes between you and Sam so he decides to help push you two back together

Part 2 to Bad Idea

If only it was as simple as saying goodbye to a Winchester. The day after you'd left Sam you ended up going west to help out some hunters Bobby knew and trusted in Washington state. You needed a change of scenery.

About two months had passed when one night your phone ringing woke you up from a dead sleep. You rolled over, grabbing for your phone where it was charging on the nightstand "Hello?" You vaguely registered the fact that you hadn't checked the caller id and probably should've used one of your aliases when you answered but fuck sleep had idled your brain a little.

The voice that hit your ears made you think for a second you were still asleep and just dreaming "Hey sweetheart" "Dean?"

----------

You drove through the night to make it to Bobby's. The moment you stepped out of your mustang the front door opened and a very much alive Dean came walking out onto the porch. You approached hesitantly, friend or not the thought lingered of every monster this could be just wearing Dean's face.

Bobby appeared behind him in the doorway "Do ya need the silver and holy water test?:" you met Dean's eyes and shook your head slowly. Just the way he watched you was familiar "This is Dean" you grinned and when he opened his arms for a hug you dove into them. "Good to see ya too" he spoke into your hair.

When you pulled back you touched his stomach gingerly "I'm good" he promised then cut his eyes back at Bobby before saying "He told me you and Sam haven't spoke for months?"

You met Bobby's gaze and fought the urge to squirm, he'd been the closest thing you had to a father and you hated lying to him about anything. "Yeah" you couldn't tell Dean about Ruby or the blood. You sleeping with Sam was on the lowest side of the list of things you'd be hiding from Dean.

He nodded "Can you help me run him down?" Christ when had you gotten so close to these two? You couldn't very well tell Dean no. He meant too much to you and even this long later the memory of his stomach torns to shreds made your heart ache "Of course"

You were exhausted down to your very soul. Months had passed since Dean got back topside. Months full of fights, rather against Demons and angels or the many fights you'd gotten dragged into that was Sam and Dean fighting.

At least Ruby was dead. That was the silver lining in the chaos. Sam and Dean were working to rebuild some of the trust and you were simply struggling to keep your head above water. The love you had for the boys and Bobby meant you were dragged into every small altercation not to mention Sam had noticeably not even attempted to mention what had happened.

You were asleep curled up on the couch in Bobby's living room. You'd found a moment to catch your breath and planned to use it to your advantage. You needed to get back on the road, hunts were plentiful but dammit Bobby's was safe and comfortable.

----------

"So why are you and Y/N avoiding being alone?" Dean had noticed it multiple times but when he'd asked you once you'd pushed it off on simply being because of Ruby and the demon blood. It felt like more than that. Something had changed between the two of you and he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Sam shrugged, looking out the window. "A lot happened when you were gone" Dean raised an eyebrow "More than you've already told me?" Sam rubbed a hand across his face "You know how I've felt about her. Since a year or two after Jess died"

"And?" Dean pushed knowing for you and Sam alike someone had to out stubborn both of you and he was the perfect person for the job. "And she came and found me after you died, after me and Bobby went our separate ways for a while" "and what? You two fought or something?" Sam scoffed "or something"

Dean knew that tone. "Son of bitch....you slept with her" Sam nodded "and let her leave then continued messing with Ruby and lost up any chance I ever had with her" "Has she said that?" The moment Dean asked it Sam looked sideways at him "No...but" Dean cut him off "Why not and I know I sound like a hypocrite here but why not try talking to her? Worse case scenario she tells you that you did lose any chance"

Sam shrugged "I don't know. I don't want to push her any further away from me"

Mornings at Bobby's were always the closest to calm you could find, most mornings anyways. This particular morning you'd woken up to the fed line ringing so you'd jumped up to answer it.

You'd just hung up from confirming one of David's aliases when Bobby walked into the room with two coffee mugs in his hand "Got that covered?" He asked nodding towards the phone as he held one of the mugs out to you.

"Yeah just some local fuzz wanting to clear David. From the sound of it he's working a wendigo case" he nodded, watching as you took a sip of your coffee. "Something up?" You questioned but he shook his head "Made it to your liking?" You nodded but the question threw you off because Bobby had long since known how you take your coffee.

"Well I know you and Sam ain't exactly seen eye to eye in a while so I figured I'd let you know that him and Dean are headed this way" You groaned slightly "So if I shower really quick and hit the road?" He knew the unasked question "You were never here"

"You really are awesome Bobby!" You told him with a smile as you grabbed your bag and ran up the stairs carefully to avoid spilling your coffee in pursuit of a shower.

You were at your trunk, loading your duffle bag when that familiar rumble hit your ears and you cursed under your breath "Damn I shouldn't have tried to blow dry my damn hair"

You glanced over your shoulder to see the impala pulling to a stop not far from where you stood. You plastered a smile onto your face when the driver's door swung open first "Hey Dean!" You greeted trying to determine rather you should close your trunk or not.

He motioned to your mustang "You heading out?" You shrugged "Yeah. I found a couple cases" he looked towards Sam then back at you "I'm gonna head in, talk to Bobby but if you can wait an extra minute or two we could roll out with you or you could take Sam with you and I could catch up?"

Yeah you weren't taking Sam to head out on cases you'd just made up "I'll wait for ya and text Garth in the meantime to double check that no other hunters are closer to those cases than we would be" "In that case you kids play nice, I'll be back"

----------

Sam watched your eyes track Dean up the stairs but the moment he opened his mouth in an attempt to talk you were suddenly very interested in doing an inventory of your trunk.

"Y/N" the moment he spoke your name he saw your shoulders tense. "Yeah Sam? What's up?" You asked turning to glance over at him and he felt his stomach flip at the mere indifference you seemed to now have towards him.

"I'm sorry" his voice was low but he knew you heard him. "You have nothing to apologize for. You've done your twelve steps on the addiction Sam. We all agreed to move forward" "I'm sorry for not coming to find you" your shoulders tensed even further "Still not something to apologize for, you want what you want"

----------

You were trying not to show emotion, busying yourself with checking salt rounds, holy water and other supplies that Bobby had plenty of should you need to restock.

"I want you" the words fell from Sam's lips as if he believed them to be the clearest of truths and you couldn't take it anymore. You slammed the trunk down then spun to face him "You have one hell of a way of showing people you want them then. You fucked me, told me goodbye and went right back to Ruby. I was called when you and Dean chose different sides over that bitch. She's been dead for weeks Sam, weeks and I haven't gotten so much as a call or text from you. Anything that's come up Dean has called me. You're not fucking anyone and you're sober. You haven't made a move to talk to me before this particular moment in time. It's pretty obvious to anyone that I'm not actually something you wanted. You just needed a fix that night and couldn't get blood out of your demon so you settled for sex out of me"

You saw the look pass through his eyes and knew you'd hit a nerve. Those damn puppy eyes of his were almost enough to make you falter but the memory of his lips on your body and how much that night had been prominent in your mind and your heart helped you to stay steady.

"It's ok Sam. I'm not mad at you. I still love you as a matter of fact. I will fight for you and for Dean but I know what happened did because of what you were going through"

----------

"Y/N.." he took a step towards you but you cut him off by holding a hand up "Please, I'll let you talk but you've got to give me some breathing room here Sam"

He nodded "When I woke up that next morning you were already gone. Did I want to chase you? Yeah, Of course. Did I know i was already too far gone to not drag you down with me? Yeah. It's not a damn excuse but I couldn't risk you getting involved with everything anymore than you would already be just from caring about us"

"I can take care of my damn self Sam. I didn't need you coddling me then or now" you interrupted despite your promise to let him talk. He took a step towards you and you let him, keeping the cool metal of your car at your back "I know that. I know you don't need me protecting you. I know you can handle damn near anything that gets thrown your way. I've always loved that about you but I couldn't lose anyone else I loved. Dean was gone, Bobby and I weren't talking. I had to make sure you went back to Bobby because that's where you were safest"

There was barely two feet between the two of you by that point, you hadn't realized Sam had moved closer with every word. You crossed your arms across your chest in an attempt to keep yourself from crossing the space that was left.

----------

Sam looked from you to where your phone was hanging heavily in the pocket of your jacket "I'm guessing those cases were fake considering you've yet to text Garth?" You shrugged "Was the best excuse I could come up with on the spot. Dean has a habit of seeing through my bullshit"

He had to laugh at that considering Dean had in fact seen through both of yours bullshit was the entire reason he had this chance to make a plea. "I wanted to come after you, I know too little too late but I did. I know you may not care but I didn't sleep with Ruby after that. Blood yes, sex no"

You were purposely keeping your eyes glued behind him, focusing on the impala "Ok" damn you were stubborn as hell. Normally he'd mark that as one of your good qualities and as a hunter it was but now? He wished that stubbornness would falter just a little.

"You've been who I've wanted. For a while now you've been the only one I really wanted. You sought me out, I never expected to see you that night then when you kissed me first? I saw a sliver of myself that I thought I'd buried with Dean. The way you let me touch you, the marks I carried for over a week from your nails. It all reminded me of who I really am, where I really belong. I want you in whatever way you'll have me. Rather it be a friend or rather it be more because I love you"

When you finally let your eyes drift back towards him he saw the uncertainty in your eyes "I know you love me Sam. I love you too and Dean" he shook his head "I don't mean I love you like that. I mean that if it's the last thing I do if you'll just give me one more chance, give us a chance I could be the man you deserved. I could make you happy. If you just tell me what you want here?"

----------

You stood there in shock, staring at Sam. He loved you? With every moment that passed filled with your silence you saw his face fall "If you don't want me that's not gonna change the fact that you'll always be one of the most important people in the world to me. I hope you'll at least be my friend again"

You took a deep breath "You asked what I want?" He nodded so you pushed away from your car, taking a step towards him and smiled slightly when he didn't move "I want to see Bobby retire and not die bloody. I want to see Dean have a home outside of baby here. I want to put down every evil son of a bitch I can and save however many people I can. I want one day to know that hunters are back to the basics of simple vampires or hauntings. More than anything what I want in this moment is for you to kiss me like you mean everything you just said because god dammit Sam Winchester I love you too"

He closed the space between you in a breath and was crashing his lips against yours. You sighed into the kiss and the next thing you knew he was picking you up and walking back to your trunk. He sat you down gently, never breaking away from your lips. You pulled him closer deepening the kiss.

When the need for air drove you apart he moved to your neck, kissing the spots he knew would pull a moan from your lips. One of your hands slipped under his shirt, fingernails grazing his toned stomach. A throat being cleared made you both snatch apart like you'd been shot at.

Dean was standing on the top step shaking his head "Well damn I said play nice not play house" you laughed as Sam laid his head over against your chest, his laughter shaking you both. "I'd say go to hell Dean but it spit you back out once already"

He laughed "Good point. Hows about I give you two the key to the motel room I got two towns over and I'll crash here with Bobby?" Sam raised his head to look at his older brother who simply grinned "I know, I'm awesome. Now grab the key and go spend some time with Y/N"

@dragjunkie23

[reigningqueenofwords]

Welcome to Stanford

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Part 2 of Welcome to the Family

Leaning against the side of the Impala, you shook your head at Dean. Instead of just knocking on the door in the morning- like a normal human being- he thought that breaking into his brother’s apartment was the way to go. You let out a sigh, crossing your ankle over the other, hoping that this didn’t take all night.

Finally, out came Dean, followed by a taller guy. You figured that was Sam. Dean grinned at you, while Sam paused for a split second. “Sorry that took so long, baby. We got into a bit of hand to hand combat.” He smirked, moving forward and pulling you into a one armed hug and kissing the top of your head.

“That’s what you get for breaking in and not knocking.” You teased him. “You fill him in yet?”

He shook his head. “Nah, his, uh, girlfriend was up. So, here we are.” Dean explained, shrugging. “Y/N, this is Sammy, Sammy, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He introduced the two of you before moving to the back of the Impala and popping the trunk.

Sam followed him, glancing at you for a moment before listening to what Dean had to say. “What do you think?” He asked you, taking you off guard.

“Me?” He chuckled and nodded. “I’m worried.” You told him. “This isn’t like John, he contacts at least one of us. Three days without a single word is unheard of.” Even if he didn’t think to call Dean, he would call you.

Sam was upfront telling Dean he had to be back by Monday while you were in the back, simply letting them catch up. You knew things were strained, so this was better than you could have hoped for.

After a bit, Sam turned to you. “How’d you get sucked into the family business?”

You laughed. “Uh, I grew up in the life. Started hunting with John and Dean when I was 19.” You explained, leaning forward, putting your hand on Dean’s chest. “I couldn’t stand this stubborn son of a bitch.”

Dean laughed and shook his head. “You were no peach yourself, sweetheart.” He smirked.

“Anyways, I almost died. Landed in the hospital. Apparently Dean only left my side to shower and change.” You were looking at Dean fondly. “Been his ever since.”

“And I’ve been hers.” Dean grinned, proudly, his hand resting on top of yours for a moment.

Sam looked impressed. “Wow. Dean sticking with one woman.” He teased, making you playfully slap his arm. “Seriously, man. I’m happy for you.” Sam grinned, showing off his dimples.

Everything seemed to fly by after that. Finding John’s motel room, the woman in white, and Sam finding Jess. He was a wreck after that, not that he let it show all that much. More than once you’d wake up in the middle of the night to him watching infomercials. “Dude. Take a damn sleeping pill.” You would mutter, teasing him. “Or something.” He would shake his head, chuckling as you would yawn, putting your head back on Dean’s chest.

You never saw how he’d watch the two of you for a moment before looking back towards the TV. Letting out a sigh, he’d lean his head back, and go back to whatever they were selling on television. That was better than what he saw when he closed his eyes.

[adose]

Dean Winchester was not stupid. He knew he wasn't John's favorite; not after seeing the way he looked at Sammy despite the harsh words tumbling from his brother's mouth. But that didn't stop him from trying. From loving him.

Because what Dean wanted more than anything was a family. He wanted to see his mom, standing in the kitchen, looking at him with all the love in the world as he downed his heavenly cooking. He wanted to see his dad, across from him with a baseball mitt, as they lazily threw a ball back and forth. And he wanted to see Sam, going to school and making something from life. 

So Dean locked it all down deep inside. The white picket fence, normal apple-pie life he so desperately wanted. And he threw away the key.

Dean vividly remembers the first time he felt the panic that John was starting to figure him out. Of course, it could've been entirely unrelated. 

But it was his seventeenth birthday and he was alone and burning the graves of two nuns who loved each other and lost everything because of it and Dean knew Dad had found out and why else would he be alone on his hunt if that weren't the case. He shoved his fear down and put on a brave face.

After that, Dean kept to himself. Especially when Lee came around. John had a watchful eye on the two, eventually deciding if he intervened every so often, nothing would happen between the boys. Didn't stop Dean from wanting it, though.

So he turned his want into being the best womanizer in the country. That made Dad leave him alone. But Dean could see pride in his eyes every time Dean brought a girl back to the motel. 

It hurt. He shoved that down, too.

And on went life until one night he found himself stalling outside Sam's apartment in California. He was ecstatic to be hunting with his brother again. Disappointed when he decided to go back to his life at Stanford. (And secretly relieved when Jess died and he wasn't going to be alone again)

He got his brother back. Now they just needed to find Dad. And they did. And they lost him just as quick. And it tore Dean apart and he just couldn't deal with it. So he didn't.

Sam caught on because he's smart and of course he did. 

Dean still didn't talk about it. About Dad dying or telling him he might have to kill his own brother or the things he did while Sam was at Stanford or how much he just wanted to stop hunting and get out or anything of the other things he kept buried in the darkest pits of his mind.

He healed with time, or at least that's what he made Sam believe. Dean was good at that part.

But then he lost Sam and for the first time he was truly and completely alone in this world. He couldn't contain it this time so he went and did something stupid. But he didn't regret it. Even as the hellhounds ripped his body to shreds he got to die knowing he actually did something with his pathetically useless life. 

He never meant to come back.

The angel changed everything. He strode into that barn with purpose, eyes staying on Dean the entire time. He looked directly at him as if Dean were a book open to the page he kept all his dirty secrets.

He challenged everything Dean thought about himself. That he was needed. That he was deserving of salvation. 

And Dean Winchester was not stupid. He wasn't favored or important. He was insignificant and sinful. But if this angel (if it even was an angel) could believe it, then maybe he could, too.

[sapphire-thelesbian]

my supernatural lgbtq thoughts :3 (only Cas, Sam and Dean for now)

don't be a hater to me I've only seen up to season 8 OKAY?! no one asked but receive anyways! these are both gender, and sexual orientation (as a nb-lesbian myself) and don't try with hating, I wont stand for it just leave me and my gay hunters ALONE! If you don't want to read my explanations, just scroll all the way down for summaries lol. !!REMINDER THESE ARE JUST HEADCANONS. YOU DONT HAVE TO FOLLOW THESE!! Castiel is very gender-fluid. They/It/He/She when it comes to gender. I said why in a previous post but to sum it up, gender mainly matters to angels when it comes to vessels. Otherwise I fear they don't give a fuck less. Cas definitely experimented and landed on they/it as their favorites. aka I'm using my pro-nouns on Cas because Cas is my favorite :C Meanwhile for sexuality I fear Cas is a gay man. They experimented with Meg with that one pizza man scene that they pinned + kissed Meg, but otherwise has stuck to men (aka Sam). Sammy my boy. I love trans FTM Sam because it holds a place in my heart. To me I love trans Sam, simply because it makes sense. John didn't want to raise a daughter (Sam) and a son (Dean), so he focused on his son. Pushed all the hunting stuff onto Dean while simply making sure Sam was still breathing. Dean of course took care and actually tended to Sam, and when Sam came out as trans, John was simply happy he didn't have to cater towards a daughter & a son, so he took the two sons and balled with it. But, since he had barely raised Sam either way, it didn't change a lot in their relationship. And he only got top surgery probably during college. He would study while recovering and before. So for me, Sam is Trans FTM, He/Him. And for sexuality I see Sam as a pansexual, we know he was with girlies in the past (Jess, he hooked up with Ruby for a bit, etc). And he absolutely experimented a bit in college with who he did and didn't enjoy in flavors of other genders before he got with Jess. Then, after Jess died and his grieving made him bury it even more until it picked back up probably around season 5-6 (ESPESCIALLY Soulless Sam being a "I don't give a fuck who, just fuck with me.") So to me, Sam is a Trans FTM, Pansexual man. Deano! I personally enjoy the idea of demi-boy Dean. He probably buried it all until Charlie came around for her to educate him on other genders. To which he leaned towards He/They. They didn't care for it a lot, only going so much to understanding Sam's gender change when the two were younger, and using different pro-nouns before he simply just shrugged off any other notice of gender. They knew what was important, which was not to use she on their little brother, and that's what mattered to him. Now for sexuality, Dean is bisexual. From all the scenes of him and Cas, to other scenes of Doc Mc Sexy (If I remember that name correctly) and others. They absolutely had a bit of a fling for a bit with Cas before the two had a mutual agreement that they weren't for each other and split, before Cas was with Sammy. Dean definitely has no preference and simply just goes both ways. They can be seen flirting with girls, buying them drinks and giving a specific eye look, but he can also be seen with guys, giving sharp grins, playing a game of 'Are you into me like I'm into you?' and not to mention leaving with them after he wins the game of 'Yes, you're into me like I'm into you'. Incase you don't want to read all that, my summary for you is Castiel : They/It/He/She (Gender-fluid), Gay. Sam : He/Him (Trans FTM), Pansexual Man. Dean : He/They (Demi-Boy), Bisexual Man. Thanks for coming to my ted-talk of what I think Team Free Will is lgbtq wise, and maybe I'll make more. :3

[jjtheresidentbaby]

idk if u still do supernatural but r u open to a fic of little sam and cg dean? (i dont ship them i just love the brother dynamic they got)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ not true ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

|| dean winchester & sam winchester

a/n: ofc I still do spn!! I still write for all the fandoms listed on my navigation post unless they’re crossed out

warnings: hurt/comfort, swearing, set in season 1, rude people, protective dean, pet names talk of jess’ death/cg!jess

-

Dean feels Sam's face tuck into his neck before he sees his brother walk over, Sam presses himself into Deans side so something is obviously wrong.

"Sammy?" He asks, turning on his feet to look at Sam's face, his eyes glisten with un-shed tears, nose sniffling after a second. Dean feels dread twist up in his gut, this hunt should be an easy salt and burn, they had come to this shop to ask a few routine questions about the owner who had died and since come back to haunt the place that his daughter now owns. Sam shouldn’t be upset or hurt at all.

"Hey, hey, sweetheart what’s wrong?” Deans hand comes to cradle Sam’s cheek before he can stop himself, he knows that Sam has slipped into his headspace, it’s written all over his face.

“Nothin’ just some guy.” He mumbles and a spike of anger flares in Deans chest. This is the fourth hunt in that past however many months that someone’s said something about Sam, whether it be about his “childish” behavior or the rambles he gives on cases that are too intricate for the local pd to understand. Both make Dean angry, protective, but the comments about how “clingy” or “young” Sam is really get to him.

His brother has been through a lot throughout his life, something that Dean is keenly aware of. The latest trauma is Jess dying, it had shook Sam to his core, just like when Mary died and John became a mess. But they’re working through it and Sam regressing has been helpful, it’s only four months into Dean finding out about the coping mechanism and yet he’s fallen comfortably into the role of a caregiver for Sam. A role that Jess used to fill, Dean is always sure to be sensitive when that comes up.

The last thing Sam should have to deal with is a bunch of assholes who have nothing better to do than poke fun at someone they don’t know. It gets to Dean in different ways than it does Sam, the older Winchester wants to hunt the people down and give them a piece of his mind, while Sam would rather Dean leave it and let Sam latch around him a little more than normal.

It’s how Dean finds his hand gripped tightly in Sam’s as they walk down the crooked sidewalk back to the Impala, thankfully not wearing suits as he’s sure it’d be an odd sight for anyone passing by. It’s not a long walk by any means but Dean can feel his mind spiraling the more Sam squishes against his side, whatever was said must’ve been bad, really bad.

“Hey it’s okay Sammy, it’s just us now.” Dean assures as soft as he can. Sam’s staring up at him from where his head is rested on Deans side, his body halfway slid down the bench of the impala so he can be smaller than Dean. It’s something Dean noticed almost immediately, Sam always slumps himself down or curls his shoulders in when he’s regressed, just trying to shrink himself to be physically tinier.

“Can you tell me what they said? You don’t have to but if I know I might be able to help more.” There’s a low rumble as Dean drives down the road, now thankful that their motel is just outside of town and not in the middle where they could run into more rude people.

“I- I was just asking questions about the girl we’re trying to help but this- this guy came in and started to say stuff about how nobody like me could really help her.” He sniffles through the explanation and Dean has to focus half his energy on not turning around to go tear that guy a new one. It’d do no good, sure it’d satisfy him, but Sam would still be upset and probably even more so knowing Dean got into a fight because of him, despite none of it ever being Sam’s fault. The kids got a heart of gold that people love to prey on.

“That’s not true, it will never be true Sammy. You are an amazing hunter and anyone would be lucky to have your help.” The compliments fire off in instinct, of course Sam’s a good hunter, of course he’d be the person you’d want to get help from, Deans never thought anything different.

“But—.” Dean shakes his head firmly, glancing down at Sam’s soft face and hand gripping at the t-shirt Dean has on, Dean wishes he could stay like this forever. Just them, safe, in Baby, only worrying about each other.

“But that guy was a jerk and you don’t deserve to be talked to like that. Now c’mon we’ll order something and watch cartoons.” A tired but full smile spreads on Sam’s face as they both tumble out of the car, Dean already holding his hand out for his brother and a plan forming in his head for what they can do once this hunt wraps up, they could both use a little tlc in Deans opinion.

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

Last one I have edited right now. I'll post more another day.

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 4363

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Grief, Detoxing, Some Angst, crush

----------------------------------------- Chapter 10

Her thoughts were on Sam and how happy he was now, going to college and having Jess by his side, plus they had a really nice apartment. She thought about October and his invitation before she pulled onto the side of the road, the flood of emotions overwhelming her. It was a back road, and it was late at night, so there was no traffic.

She’d spent so much time running, more from herself and the pain she had buried for far too many years. Everything flooded back to her. It was as if a damn had broken inside her and there was no stopping it.

Maria had never felt lonely but that had been more due to drinking as often and as much as she had but now, she felt more alone than she had the day her father died. Part of her wanted to go back to Sam’s, just cry in his arms for hours and feel some semblance of normal. Before she knew it, she’d cried herself to sleep in the front seat of her truck.

She woke the following morning to her phone vibrating in her pocket, “Hello?” she asked groggily.

“Sis, you okay?” Sam asked her, concerned.

“Yeah, just woke up,” she replied as she shielded her eyes from the sun as she sat up.

“Hey, why don’t you come back, stay with me and Jess for a while? Take a break from hunting for a while,” he told her, sounding hopeful.

“I can’t do that to the two of you. I’d feel like a mooch,” she replied, still sleepy, but managed a chuckle at the thought.

“So hustle pool at the bar. Come on, it’ll be fun. I’m not saying to give up hunting. Just… hang out for a while. Jess and I already talked it over and she adores you. Please?” he was begging at this point.

She rolled her eyes but was smiling. She never had been able to tell him no, “Alright. I’ll be there in a bit. I’m actually not far,” she replied softly.

Sam was ecstatic, plus Jess had already set her up a space she could call her own while she stayed. She laughed in the background when she saw how happy Sam was, knowing Maria had said yes. He had that look on his face that said, I told you she’d say yes, which only made Jess chuckle at him.

Maria sat there on the side of the road a bit longer, thinking about what she had just agreed to. Her thoughts and emotions were spinning again but she started her truck up anyway and headed back to Sam’s place. She wasn’t ready to deal with it all, not while she was driving at least. When she parked in front of his place though, she moved slowly as she grabbed her bag. Sam was smiling as he headed out to help her but he stopped, his smile fading when he saw the look on her face. There was no happiness there. Her entire demeanor screamed at how much pain she was in, emotionally. He took a deep breath before he walked over to her, gently pulling the bag from her shoulder. When she looked up at him, the tears had already started falling again.

“Sis,” he whispered, trying to sound comforting as he put his arm over her shoulders.

She leaned into his side and the tears fell as he walked her into the place, barely noticing her surroundings. Jess had been smiling until she saw how sad and hurt Maria was, turning instantly concerned. Sam waved her off though, knowing that the last thing Maria needed was too many people fussing over her. He figured that would just drive her right back out the door and she’d only end up worse off than she was at the moment.

He handed her bag to Jess who set it on the bed that had been set up for her as Sam sat down on the couch, his arm still around Maria’s shoulders. She too, sat down, burying her face in his chest, and cried again. It felt like years worth of tears fell while Sam did his best to comfort her. Jess made some coffee and brought over a cup for each of them when it finished, along with a box of tissues.

When the tears did finally stop, all she could do was apologize to both of them, “I didn’t mean to come here and break down.”

“Sis,” Sam began quietly, softly, “We’re family. I’ve been worried sick about you since you left that night. I even heard about when you stopped at Bobby’s a while back.”

She looked up at him before looking away and using the tissues that Jess had brought earlier, “I never… I just…” the words kept getting stuck and she had to fight back the tears which fell anyway, “I never grieved Sam…”

He felt for her but all he could do was pull her back close to him and hold her as she cried again, “You’re safe. Take all the time you need. You don’t have to run anymore.”

Maria never made it to the coffee Jess had brought her, falling asleep almost an hour later before Sam carried her to the bed they had set up for her, “I’m worried about her, Jess.” 

“She’s with family now. She’ll be okay,” Jess tried to reassure him.

That evening she went to the bar, finding comfort in a bottle of whiskey, drowning the pain she’d been feeling all day. She even hustled a couple of games of pool, winning around five hundred dollars between the two games. Sam only let that go on for a week before he found her at the bar for the eighth night in a row.

“This isn’t helping and you know it,” he argued with her while she sipped her almost empty bottle of whiskey.

“It is in a way,” she shrugged.

Sam thought for a moment, frustrated, before he picked her up, tossed her over his shoulder, and left the bar. It was a short walk back to his place and she protested the entire time but he wasn’t phased by it at all. He plopped her down on her bed before he sat next to her.

“Look. I want you to stay but I want you to sober up,” he told her.

“Why?” she asked, slightly buzzed.

“Do you really want to spend your entire life running?” he asked.

She looked away from him, hating his question and how it made her feel something. Numb was easy for her, “It doesn’t hurt… when I am,” she confessed quietly.

His expression softened as he placed his hand under her chin, gently turning her so that she’d look at him, “You’re safe here, Sis. Even if you spend months grieving. I’ll always be here for you,” he told her softly.

With that, the tears fell again. She felt like the worst big sister ever when he said that to her, wondering what kind of example she was setting. Maria wrapped her arms around him and cried again, apologizing to him again.

“I’m not asking you to go cold turkey, just… ease up, that’s all,” he said soothingly as he held her close. 

He and Jess shared a look, both of them wanting to be there for her but Maria wasn’t quite ready to open up to her or let anyone else get close to her. She’d kept everyone further than arm’s length, not wanting to feel attached to anyone she would miss if she lost them.

The next month was hard on Maria as she went through detoxing from the amount of whiskey she had gotten used to having in her system nearly every night. Sam and Jess had been there for her, helping however they could. She was having a hard time sleeping at night without the whiskey to keep the nightmares away, waking up screaming most nights. Sam or Jess or both had been there at her side quickly. It hurt at first, the two of them tending to her like they did. However, after the second week, she felt comforted by it.

By the time her birthday rolled around in mid-March, she no longer had the painful withdrawals of the whiskey and the nightmares had only happened a couple nights a week. It had been hard, on all three of them, but they’d all grown closer in that time. Maria and Jess were like sisters and Jess did everything she could to get Maria to be a bit more girly. The three of them had a small party at home for Maria’s twenty-fourth birthday. Jess and Sam gave her a small coin with a one on it and she looked at it, somewhat puzzled.

“You haven’t had any withdrawals in a month. Thought that might help you remember what you fought through and won,” Sam told her, smiling.

Maria smiled as she rubbed her thumb over the coin, “Thanks guys. This means a lot to me,” she said softly, this time feeling happy tears as a couple fell down her cheek.

“This one’s from me,” Jess said smiling as she handed her a gift box with a dark blue ribbon wrapped around it, a bow in the center.

Maria eyed Jess for a moment as she took the box, “Should I be worried?” she chuckled.

“Just open it,” Jess told her playfully.

Maria rolled her eyes as she carefully untied the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a dark blue dress that was nearly the same color as her eyes. She was surprised, in a good way as she slowly pulled the dress out of the box to look at it. It was velvety soft and had spaghetti straps. Maria held it up against herself, noticing it went down just past mid-thigh, “Where would I even wear this?” she asked, looking up at the two of them.

“Wherever you want,” Jess answered, giggling a little.

“Seriously though. Where would I wear this?” Maria asked again as she tucked the dress back in the box.

“Yeah, seriously. Wear it out anywhere. It’s not a fancy dress. You don’t always have to wear jeans,” Jess replied, laughing a little.

Again Maria rolled her eyes. She had never owned a dress before. They weren’t functional to hunt in. Jess didn’t know about that stuff though, as Sam had kept that part of his life from her, so Maria had respected that and never brought it up. She agreed to try the dress on though, taking the box to the bathroom and changing into it. For a moment she just stared at her reflection in the mirror, not entirely sure what to think of what she saw.

“I feel stupid in this,” she said from the bathroom, knowing they could hear her.

“Come on, I wanna see,” Jess begged playfully.

Maria groaned a bit before she walked out into the living room where they were sitting. Sam was probably more surprised than Jess was, “You look like a girl,” Sam told her.

Jess glared at him and smacked him on the shoulder, “You look amazing Maria. Now to get you some shoes to go with that dress and any others you might get,” she said happily.

“I have shoes,” Maria protested, feeling somewhat silly.

Sam chuckled, doing his best to keep himself from smiling, but it was Jess who spoke up, “Those shoes of yours, don’t go with a dress,” she told her.

“I’m putting my pajamas back on,” Maria stated before returning to the bathroom to do just that.

She carefully tucked the dress back into the box and looked in the mirror again, sighing. What was the point of looking girly or wearing dresses, she thought to herself, I’ll be going back to hunting eventually and don’t want to get soft. Maria joined them in the living room again where they had cake and ice cream, sharing laughter that night.

The months ahead passed both slowly and quickly, for all of them. Maria had even worn the dress out, once, just to make Jess happy more than anything. Jess teased her about all the looks she was getting, making Maria roll her eyes. The two had gotten the summer off of school which led to several nights out at the bar. Maria had learned how to drink to enjoy it and not drown her sorrows, choosing beer over whiskey, and keeping it to only a couple. Several guys had gotten used to seeing her with Jess and Sam and even got bold enough to flirt with her, but she turned them all down. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in men, she just wasn’t interested in losing her virginity to a one-night stand that she wasn’t all that into.

When school started back up again, Maria found herself in their home alone during the day, which left her to her thoughts again. She’d finally made it past grief, even if some of the memories made her cry still. She also felt bad for staying alone for so many years and began wondering how her Uncle was doing. She’d lost track of time as to how long it had been since she’d spoken to him last.

On Halloween, Jess was beyond excited, “Come on, you two have to dress up,” she pouted at the two of them.

Maria and Sam both rolled their eyes, “Fine, I’ll wear that dress you got me, with those shoes and I’ll be a high-class lady,” she teased Jess.

“Only if I get to do your makeup,” Jess quickly came back with.

Sam chuckled at the two of them and Maria groaned, “Why do I have to wear makeup though?”

“Because you look nice when you do,” Jess told her, emphatically.

Maria agreed before she changed into the dress and shoes. She even let Jess do her hair and makeup for that night. It was more than just a Halloween party. They were celebrating Sam’s LSAT score of 174. The bar was packed, mostly because it was Halloween. Several of their friends came over and chatted off and on. Maria even allowed herself one shot of whiskey that night, a toast to Sam and the full ride he could get with his score. The whole bar was done up with Halloween decorations, which had only added to the atmosphere. There was music and a lot of laughter. She had loved watching Sam and Jess together and at times, wondered if she would ever find that kind of thing with anyone. 

One of their friends, who was dressed up as some sort of zombie-looking creature had come over to their table. He had flirted with Maria before but tonight she allowed herself a dance with him, although made it clear that nothing was going to happen between the two of them. He was cute and adorable, especially when he pleaded playfully with her about a date. With her still having plans of getting back on the road soon, she wasn’t about to get close to anyone.

The trio headed home late that night, still laughing when they got inside. The two lovebirds went to their room while Maria headed to the bathroom and changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas, brushed out her hair, and removed the makeup before she crawled into her own bed. Sleep found her quickly but when she heard what sounded like someone picking the lock on the front door, she was wide awake. 

Maria eyed the door from her bed as someone came inside, almost silently. She could tell it was a guy, figuring he was only a couple of inches taller than her. With him being in the shadows, she couldn’t make out any of his features. Once he moved past her though, she slipped from her bed, almost silently, as she was barefoot. She knew she’d have to use his body weight and strength against him since it was a guy.

Instead of going high, she went low, sweeping his feet out from under him. The moment he was on his back, she attempted to put him in a sleeper hold, but he quickly turned it around on her. The two tossed each other around a bit, blocking and dodging most of the hits that the other threw. It wasn’t until he put her down on her back with his hand on her throat that they finally saw each other.

“Dean?” she asked, surprised and confused.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked.

“Dean? What the hell,” Sam said from the doorway.

He didn’t let her go though, still not quite sure who she was. There was only moonlight shining in through the window, “Dean, let Maria go,” Sam sighed, annoyed, as he walked over to the two of them.

Maria smirked, seeing Dean’s distraction, and quickly turned the whole thing around, now pinning him to the ground in a hold he couldn’t get out of.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes, “Maria, let Dean go.”

She chuckled, but did let him go before helping him up, “When did you start pulling your punches?” she asked him, keeping her eyes on him, studying him, just like he was studying her.

He was in shock more than anything. First, a girl had kicked his ass and now he finds out that it’s Maria. His first thought was how hot she looked in her pajamas, which were a tank top and bed shorts, which made him smirk. For a moment, that Thanksgiving morning came back to his mind. Too many thoughts went through his mind at that moment and the comment that came out was probably the wrong one. 

“Damn…,” he said quietly.

She couldn’t quite tell how he meant that and didn’t want to ask either, although was somewhat happy she could still beat him. Sam moved so that he was standing between the two, in the dark. 

“Dean, what the hell are you doing here?”  Sam asked him, not amused.

“Well, I was lookin’ for a beer,” he joked, but neither of them laughed.

Sam then repeated his question, a bit more seriously than before while Maria crossed her arms, watching Dean.

“Okay, alright,” Dean began, nodding a little, “We gotta talk.”

“Ah, the phone,” Sam suggested.

“If I had called would you have picked up,” Dean asked.

“Sam?” Jess asked, confused, switching on the light in the room.

All three of them looked over at her. Dean was somewhat impressed with his younger brother, living with two hot women. Jess was in a half top with the smurfs on it and bed shorts as well. 

“Jess. Hey,” Sam began before he turned to his brother, “Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica.” Dean was smirking and nodding as he stared at her, Maria just rolled her eyes as Jess put the pieces together, “Wait, your brother Dean?” she asked with a small smile.

Dean motioned to her shirt, “I love the smurfs,” he said with a slightly flirtatious tone, and a smirk to match, which Sam did not find amusing at all, “You know, I gotta tell you,” he continued as he walked a little closer to her, “You are completely out of my brother’s league.” “Just, let me put something on,” she said, looking more at Sam now, noticing what Dean was insinuating.

“Oh, no, no, no. I wouldn’t dream of it. Seriously,” Dean told her, mesmerized by her looks. He then turned toward his brother again, “Anyway, I gotta borrow your boyfriend here. Talk about some private family business. But, uh, nice meeting you,” he said as he smirked again while pointing at her for a moment.

That caught Maria’s attention as she leaned her back against the wall, just watching them. She raised an eyebrow, wondering what would have pushed Dean to go as far as coming to his brother for help, especially after she’d heard what had happened between Sam and their father.

Sam thought for a moment before he responded, “No,” Sam told him as he walked over to Jess, “No, whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her,” he finished, putting his arm around her waist.

Dean looked slightly amused as he turned toward the two before he glanced at Maria, “Okay,” he began plainly, “Um, Dad hasn’t been home in a few days.”

“So, he’s working overtime on a Miler-time shift. He’ll stumble back in sooner or later,” Sam answered casually.

Dean just nodded his head, noticing what was happening, then smirked a little, “Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days,” Dean said with a straight face.

That not only got Sam’s attention but also Maria’s. John had been like an Uncle during her childhood, at least when she saw him. He had also been the one to bring her father’s body back for a hunter’s funeral.

“Jess, excuse us,” Sam said, slightly worried, but very serious now, “We have to go outside.”

Maria pushed off the wall and followed the two of them, if only to listen. Dean glanced at her again and couldn’t keep that smirk off his face, which was only annoying her further. She found out that John had still been hunting the yellow-eyed demon, following every lead he could, the same as she had. Only this time, he hadn’t checked in with the Dean in longer than they liked, and he was worried about him. She listened to the two of them argue, poking some painful jabs at each other as they made it downstairs and outside. Maria listened to the details of the case their father had been working on, and then Dean said he hadn’t heard from him in three weeks, and that worried her more.

She stepped outside and looked down at the papers that Dean had been holding, “It’s a woman in white,” she told Dean, not looking up at him.

He looked at her, in a slight bit of surprise at what she had said, “And how would you know that?” he asked in disbelief.

“Don’t you read?” she replied sarcastically, causing Sam to chuckle, “With the odds of what you described, the consistency of disappearances and the pattern. It’s a ghost, and it all fits the lore on what’s called, The Woman in White. Pick up a book from time to time Dean,” she added, crossing her arms as she looked at him.

She’d gotten sassy over the years and it only made Dean smirk more, “Alright smartass, you want to tag along too?” he asked, straightening himself up to look at her.

She rolled her eyes, “Just take the woman home,” she replied, rolling her eyes again.

Dean looked over at Sam who was doing his best not to laugh, “How long you been dealing with that?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure only you can bring that side of her out Dean,” Sam chuckled.

“Great,” Dean replied, slightly frustrated before he looked over at her, “Nevermind, you’re not going,” he said with a mild attitude.

“I never said I wanted to go,” she told him, with her own attitude, slightly enjoying getting under his skin, “I’m gonna go back inside with Jess,” she told Sam before she left the two of them out there.

Maria returned inside reassuring Jess once she made it to the living room. Sam arrived shortly afterward, “You’re going aren’t you?” Maria asked him as she looked up at him.

“It’s my Dad, I have to,” he replied with a sigh as he went to his room to pack what he’d need.

“Don’t worry Jess, he’ll be back. I’m sure everything is fine,” Maria told her with a soft smile.

Sam headed out shortly after, hugging them both and kissing Jess, promising to be back by Monday morning. The girls eventually found sleep shortly after that, although Maria was worried about John now, but her dreams had other ideas.

She hadn’t dreamt about it in years, nor had she even thought about it, but that box was there again, a slight blue and white glow coming from it under her truck seat. She saw her parents and Bobby sitting in a living room next, but that didn’t last long either. Then, she was driving somewhere on a paved road through a forest. It wasn’t like a backroad or even a highway. It was a one-lane road and she wasn’t going very fast. In the distance, she could see what looked like an abandoned building. Before she could get close to inspect it, the dream shifted again. Her Uncle was at home, sitting behind his desk, drinking, only there was a small box in front of him. “Damnit, kid, you promised,” Bobby said sadly as he stared at the box.

Maria felt a pain in her heart before she woke up with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. The promise she’d made to him almost four years ago came flooding back and she felt horrible. It was just after dawn, so she got up, made some coffee before changing, and then began packing her belongings.

“What’s going on?” Jess asked her as she came into the living room.

“I have to go see my Uncle. I… I broke a promise to him, and I have to make it right,” Maria told her, “But I’ll be back. I just need to make this right.”

Jess smiled at her, “I understand, and I’ll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t been here alone before. Family’s important,” she reassured her, which made Maria smile a little.

An hour later, she loaded her belongings into her truck and took a deep breath. She had a lot of explaining to do, and she knew it. Maria texted Sam to let him know where she’d be, as a just in case before she finally started the engine and got on the road. She wasn’t ready to pull that box out from under her seat just yet. She needed to make things right with her uncle first.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 11 - So much for being normal

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[eisforeidolon]

https://www.tumblr.com/eisforeidolon/719433894930366464/follow-up-to-your-post-about-it-not-being-dean-who

I hope you don’t mind me chiming in on this. I think a lot of good points have been made, particularly about Sam not being spineless, but I do actually think that it is fair to say that Dean did pull Sam back into hunting (like Jared mentioning in the panel last weekend).

My reason for saying this is that Sam helps Dean to look for their dad (get back into hunting) because Dean said he wanted him there. From that moment, Sam was back in. Throughout the episode we see, despite what he’s said or has been suggested, Sam smiling numerous times and enjoying hunting with his brother again. They are a pretty-well oiled machine despite the time apart.

These sorts of hints, Sam having fun and the clear bond with Dean (his reluctance to say goodbye), suggest that even if Jess hadn’t died, Sam was getting back in eventually to be with Dean. Her death just sped up the process.

The other reason that could be argued for Dean bringing Sam back in from the show itself. They could have had Sam lose Jess first, then go to Dean for help with revenge, but Dean comes knocking, bringing the life with him. If he hadn’t, we don’t know Sam would have started hunting again to avenge Jess (he probably would have) but we don’t know it for sure. Maybe if Dean hadn’t reached out, Sam would have reacted differently than getting back into hunting, thinking he didn’t have an ally in Dean after he left.

All those choices Sam makes to stay in the life after are his choices, but they are also a sort of snowball effect that started up when Dean came calling in the pilot.

Anyway, I’m not trying to say Dean is to blame here in any way, or that Sam didn’t make his own choices, rather I understand why some might argue that Dean brought Sam back in, and why Dean might feel guilty if Sam died as a hunter. He never wanted that for Sam, but always expected it for himself.

I’m truly not trying to argue your points on this, only explain why I think it could be fair to say Dean pulled Sam back in.

Nope, feel free to chime on in. If I'm done with a subject or need a break from it, I'll say so.

Yours an interesting take. It's not an unreasonable interpretation, though I am torn on how much I agree with it.

I think the biggest part I'm hung up on is that even though we agree that Sam was clearly enjoying the hunt and being back together with Dean? I think Sam would have been too stubborn to admit he wanted to go back to that life without some additional precipitating event. Again, I see a lot of his going off to college in the first place as rebelling against John and his dictate Sam had to be a hunter - so going back? I feel like he'd balk at "proving John right" or even just worry about putting himself back into the same situation with the family dynamic. I think he did care about Jessica, and he was happy with the independence he had at Stanford, no matter how much he missed Dean or the rush of a hunt. Which is not to say that I couldn't see an alternate universe where Sam keeping in touch with Dean lead into more hunts that would ultimately blow up his life at Stanford, one way or another? Because I very much can.

Except I don't see Azazel waiting that long. I also wouldn't call Sam going back that way as Dean pulling Sam back in so much as Sam deciding to go back in because of Dean - which I see as a small but fundamental difference in framing. Fair enough if you and others disagree it matters.

I also don't think I can see a universe where Sam didn't chase after Azazel for Jessica's death, Dean or no Dean. I just see him as too guilt-ridden over ignoring the dreams leading up to Jessica getting killed from something out of his hidden past, despite that he had no reason to know they were visions at the time. But who knows?

Dean feeling guilty is a different matter, but that's way more tied up in Dean's weird issues about Sam than any kind of objective reality. Which is why I wasn't bothered by previous statements that it was about Dean not being able to move on from guilt in the same way Sam would be able to. It's entirely possible that I'm hung up on the very specific phrasing here of drawing it back to Stanford because certain parts of fandom definitely do blame Dean.

Reasonable discussion is reasonable. I wouldn't call just having different perspectives arguing.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

Is Claire Really some Perefct Dean Parallel?

And, if I like one, don’t I have to like the other?

(Spoiler alert: no)

1) She lost both Parents: One being essentially scarified when they tried to save her (Castiel coercing Jimmy), and she saw her other parent die, too.

This is true for Dean, but it’s ALSO true for Sam. Sure, John trading himself for Dean is a more direct comparison, but Mary also tried to save Sam in his crib and was Killed by yellow eyes. Dean witnessed many dying, like Claire did her mom. But, Sam also walked in on his dad who had just died moments before. In this case sure, she parallels Dean a bit more closely, but Sam has had similar experiences.

2) She’s snarky, rebellious, rejects authority, and always thinks she’s right.

- Dean is also snarky, but he is only rebellious and rejects authority depending who it is. He never reallly defied John until Sam came back into the hunting life, and he kind of took a page out of his book. If we are talking cops or societal authority, Dean at least starts off as more defiant than Sam. However, Sam is the more inherently rebellious when it comes to dealing with John or Bobby. Sam is less snarky than Dean generally, but he gets his digs in at times, particularly at Dean when he’s going. As far as always thinking they are right, I do think this fits Dean more than Sam, but it also depends on the Season and situation.

3) Claire wants to leave her family (Jody and Alex) to go off on her own to hunt.

- Dean does initially like hunting more than Sam, but Dean is obsessed with trying to keep his family together, NOT branch out on his own. Sam is the one who breaks away to be independent from his family by going to Stanford. Sure, it’s not hunting like Claire, but the need for independence and to do their own thing, even if their family isn’t happy about it, is similar.

4) Claire had literally no charm, she is mostly only hostile and abrasive without the softening elements that make Sam and Dean more lovable, imo.

- Dean can be abrasive, but he’s also very charming and has an impish quality, especially when he’s younger. And he’s funny. He also is a complete simp for his dad and brother, and one of the things that makes him so lovable is how much he loves his family. Sam, while less cheeky than Dean also often tries to be less abrasive and more sympathetic with people, particularly early on (of course both of the boys identify more and show more sympathy to different victims they each relate to more).

And … I’m done with the parallels because, other than both Claire and Dean being snarky, I honestly don’t think there is a lot there to say she can only parallel Sean but not Sam. If anything, she kind of parallels Dean in personality and wearing leather jackets, but Sam in story/motivation.

Anyway, many people that I’ve seen push especially hard for the Claire/Dean parallel are shippers. They seem think if they came make her a standing for Dean, than her falling for Kaia (after 2 seconds) and losing it when she gets sucked into another dimension and “dies,” means Dean is also in love with Castiel who also dies .. again (because that’s never happened to Sam 🙄). But, she can just as easily parallel Sam depending on what episode we are looking at, or even her losing a significant other arc (Jess anyone, or Sam losing Dean). But honestly, I think writers did intend to make her like one or both of the brothers, but we aren’t exactly in the seasons of the best SPN writing here, so whatever. It’s not people paralleling Claire either Dean but it’s supposed implications thst bug the crap out of me.

On that note, I hate the notion that if you don’t like Claire, you are a misogynist (I’ve literally seen people say this): “She’s exactly like Dean! So if you love him, but hate her you’re being misogynistic!”

Umm, no.

As I mentioned above, Dean has softening qualities to his personality that Claire does not (occasional sweetness, silliness, and unhinged love for his brother, bring a caretaker), which make him infinitely more lovable. Sam does too for that matter.

He’s also earned our respect as a good hunter. The show tries to do this with Claire, but it does it so badly. Yes, there’s a hunt where she is right about the monster. But there is also an episode where she gets bitten by a werewolf because she’s throwing a tantrum over Sam telling her to stop acting like a child (you are so right for this Sam, and I’ll love you forbear for this and many other reasons).

If Sam hadn’t gone after her, the werewolf would have probably stayed and killed her, instead of just turning her. And she would have stayed a werewolf if a magical cure for being a werewolf had not deus ex machina-ed itself into the episode. She even says she wouldn’t be able to fight killing people, and based on her personality so far, I believe her. So, they would have had to end up killing her. Still, at the end of the episode, she walks off all triumphant like she proved herself. When alll she proved is that she is a bratty idiot who isn’t good enough at hunting yet to go off by herself. It’s frustrating as hell. Even Sam and Dean mostly don’t hunt alone, and they’ve been doing it for like decades at this point. But, it’s supposed to be empowering, I guess, when a rash idiot goes off on her own … because she’s a girl.

So no, me loving Sam, and especially Dean in this case (with the mirror and parallel claims), who can both be dicks, but disliking Claire’s character is not mysogsnisyic, it’s a response to an obnoxious character, who hasn’t earned my liking her just because she’s “a teenaged girl with trauma and two dead parents,” and who is playing at bring a junior hunter.

I have certain issues with Charlie being called a hunter, but I think even she is better than Claire. Jo, who is also young when she wants to get into hunting because of trauma (with motivation that makes more sense than Claire’s) is WAY better. Jody and Donna, who have experience as police that lends itself to bring hunters are also better. Many is better. Not liking wannabe hunter Claire is also not an issue of being sexist. Women can absolutely be hunters in the SPN world, but when they are a shitty one and and unpleasant character, it’s actually okay to dislike them.

Finally, Claire should have kept hating Castiel forever for taking her dad away. And her mission should have been to hunt angels only. It’s weird that she decided to become a hunter in general. She could have been interesting if she became an enemy to Castiel, instead of yet another “little sister” or “not quite child” to the boys.

Also, people who treat Castiel as her father (in an attempt to make him and Dean her parents) are sick. That angel highjscked her dad’s body and got him killed. This is not okay.

End rant.

(Sorry to anyone who reads this, but this one is even less coherent than usual).

[dious-chaos]

I'm genuinely obsessed with the show Supernatural, and since I made one about Dean already that means I needed to make this one.

Sam Winchester

He likes healthy food (rabbit food), has a fear of being seen as a freak, and idolizes Dean. Sam is irritatingly kind, often pushing Dean to do different things on a hunt than he wouldn't think of doing personally. One example of that is when this psychic kid was trying to kill his stepmom he attempted to talk him down and save him rather than kill him. He is so mentally strong it's scary at times, He has managed to overcome Famine's power and fought through Lucifer's control of his body. Sam forces Dean to look at and deal with his emotions in a way that makes him uncomfortable but makes them better afterward.

The need for revenge fueled him for years after Jess died before it turned into a genuine need to do the right thing and save others. Sam is attentive, listening to every word said to them and putting together a solid plan. He takes on the brains of the hunting, researching every creature and location when they take a case. Sam was essentially kicked out of the home by their father for choosing to get an education- which he did with the intent to be a lawyer- and pushing to gain his own life away from their father's expectations. Sam has a genuine drive to get out of hunting, as seen by the multitude of times he manages to do so. That being said Sam always came back to hunting because of his crazy codependency to Dean which gets them into the most trouble. Sam and Dean take turns dying and saving the other brother for the entirety of the show.

Sam struggles with mental health, specifically what could be seen as schizophrenia. As the show continues Sam withdraws more socially, which is another early sign of schizophrenia. Dean became Sam's main source of contact with people, and he began to drink to the point of passing out often. Sam also begins to have debilitating hallucinations of Lucifer that lead him to harm himself to "get back to reality". If we look back into season 1 we start to see the signs, the big one being suicidal tendencies (Sam believing that he should give himself over to the demons, and even later when he is willing to die to cure Dean). He even has multiple times where he falls into a delusion that he alone can do something (killing Lilith because of his demon-blood addiction, or the trials he puts himself through- to cure Dean). Another symptom is extremely disorganized behavior (Sam gets angry when his "failures" or shortcomings are put into question, this results in him storming off and leaving Dean). The struggle Sam has with his mental health is a significant challenge he faces, which shows the impact the torture and trauma he endured has on his psyche.

Sam deserved an ending that had Dean alongside him helping him be Sammy like he had been his whole life…