#when I was 12 we attended one of the days before Easter and I had to be part of the service
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wait are you greek? :O
understandable assumption from my earlier tags but I am not haha. I am vaguely Russian and was brought to Russian Orthodox Church as a kid (internalized none of it as I do not speak the language well and didn’t know what anyone was saying. I do not know why my mom bothered to bring us). But by the time I was like 10 we had mostly given up and were just attending annual late night Easter service at a Greek Church on the invitation of our family friends because at least then we got to go to their house afterwards and eat cold cuts at 3am. And that is what I am still doing every year to this day
#I still don’t know what they are saying because half the service is in Greek#and honestly I cannot stand being there anymore it’s so miserable. the standing and the sitting and the inhaling candle fumes for 4 hours#this was the first time back there in 3 yrs bc covid and I forgot how bad it is#I spent the entire time trying to make wax sculptures and looking for loose strands of hair to burn since we hold candles the whole service#when I was 12 we attended one of the days before Easter and I had to be part of the service#like standing up front at an alter wearing one of the church’s white dresses#and I got so ill from standing too long that I literally fainted in front of the entire church. hit the floor hard.#kind Armenian man carried me out in his arms and I proceeded to vomit all over the front steps of the church#but at least I got to hide in the basement for the rest of the service after. I might need to bring back this strategy.#all that said however. the interiors and icons of those churches fuck really hard#ask
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2023 Bahamas Cruise, Part 18, Apr. 12. Weather hold on Long Island.
What do you do when the water is this clear and calm? Jump in! Bahamas are not all beaches, pina coladas and “green flash” sunsets. After these two flat calm days, the next two days we were surrounded by storms from a stalled cold front. Miami flooded with 8” of rain in two days. Yet, we never really got rain.
Easter Sunday, I dropped off Nancy at the closest dinghy dock to St. Joseph’s Anglican/Episcopal church in Thompson Bay. You can just barely see it in the background behind her. Around fifty people were in attendance. She had met most of them during our time on the Island. A much more reserved service, than last years service in Black Point. No tambourines, no kids choir, and a third the time. Fifty/fifty men and women, where Black Point was a high majority of women.
After dropping Nancy off, I swung by the Thompson Bay Yacht Club. Cruisers over time have set up a small picnic area on shore here, dubbed TBYC. No one was here. Only two of us are anchored in the bay now. Then I headed back to the boat for boat chores. Took the trash to shore. Filled the water tank using our water maker. Trickle charged the start battery and fixed a thing or two.
Nancy called on the VHF radio for a pick up at Basil’s dock. Once we got back to the boat, we lifted the anchor and headed north. Great wind from the west for sailing on a beam reach. Nancy baked bread while the boat was heeled 10-15 degrees to starboard.
Fresh Coconut cinnamon bread!
Just before the two loaves of Coconut cinnamon bread came out of the oven we sailed over the Tropic of Cancer northbound. Coordinates are displayed on the top left of the chart plotter, N23 26.031 Actual Longitude of the Tropic of Cancer North 23 degrees 26 minutes and 10 seconds. We anchored off of Simms Settlement on Long Island. That is where you see Nancy jumping off the boat. She paddleboared along the shore. While I made water on the boat.
Nancy caught mid flight playing around and cooling off some.
The next day we dinghied to Simms Government Dock where the mail boat comes in. With a west wind blowing the dinghy against the sharp rocks. I sent Nancy on walk about, while I oared around in the dinghy. She visited the prison and several graveyards. The prison and most buildings in town had outhouses near them. Not sure if either the outhouse or prison have been used in recent history. Think Mayberry RFD, Bahama out island style.
Just before we left for shore another monohull sailboat pulled into OUR anchorage. This is OUR anchorage damn it! As soon as we got back to the boat we pulled anchor and went north around the next point. I had gotten lazy and forgot to check the charts. We went from 7 ft. depth to 5 ft. in a couple of seconds. Oops! I went to idle and started the turn back to deep water. Too late…..squeakkkkk. We had skidded to a stop in pure white sand. Quick check of the shore for current tide. Looks kind of low. Pull up weather app. we are close to low. Had this been a sailing YouTube channel. All sorts of drama could be made up. Water was flat calm. First dropped the 55 pound anchor and twenty feet of chain that weighs 1 lb. per foot. The chain laid over the top of the anchor in a pile. Had some snacks and a beer. Went swimming. Walked chest deep around the boat. Nancy jumped off the boat and hit bottom doing so. Wind changed 180 degrees and picked up enough to move the boat when we floated free. So pulled in the pile of chain with the anchor suspended above the sand. Couple of hours later…..we floated free after dark. Waited until 7 ft. showed on the depth finder. Then drop the anchor and chain, then went to bed. Next morning we snorkeled around the boat.
This blue tip crab put up his dukes, when I stopped by. Reviewing weather, anchorages and possible plans we decided to sail back to Thompson Bay. Then rent a car and tour the north end of the island. Wind was on our nose, so we only sailed an hour; then motored to Thompson Bay. In between rain storms we took 4 jerry jugs to Long Island Petroleum for diesel and gas. Had a great talk with Walter Fox the part owner.
On Wednesday when the weather seemed to break. We hiked over the island to the ocean side, then south along the beach for a mile. Then back across the island to the “Sou’ side” (Sound side) of the island. Round trip walking was a little over 3 miles. We were hot and tired with nothing but photos to show for our beach hike. We are surprised that little to no shells on the reef side of the island. Today though we were both looking for Ambergris. Found lots of tar balls, but no ambergris.
On the way to the dinghy we stopped at the “Sou’ side” bar for a cold Kalik beer and cracked chicken. Then back to the boat.
Rainbow over Salt Pond at the end of the day.
S/V Sea Breeze, Thompson Bay, Long Island, Bahamas.
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I'm Back!
Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅
I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)
in absolutely no particular order:
Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april
Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea
Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months
Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.
Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration
Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?
Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!
One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.
The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further
AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out
Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.
A christmas carol: wait until december. please
Father's Day: june.
A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.
easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.
aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.
as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.
See ya when I see ya!
sprite
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Thoughts on Holy Week from a Fully Re-committed Christ Follower
Yesterday, Palm Sunday began the Holy Week tradition which is celebrated among Catholics and many Protestants. Holy Week is always commemorated the week before Resurrection Sunday, also known as Easter. Palm Sunday commemorates Jesus’ triumphant return to Jerusalem where He was greeted by crowds that waved palm branches along His path. Some of the same people who greeted Him were some of the same people who ordered His crucifixion several days later, on Good Friday.
Growing up as a non-Catholic, I didn’t pay much attention to Holy Week or what it symbolized. My grandmother and my parents did place emphasis on Good Friday, Resurrection Sunday, with a Saturday church service from the Adventist church we attended. The various Christian schools I attended K-12 always ensured our Spring Break reflected Good Friday, so I never had to “defend” my right to be off from school.
As a got older into adulthood, I strayed away from my faith and many times I can admit that I did not place as much spiritual meaning on this Holy Week/Weekend as I knew I should have. In fact (and I don’t know why I’m admitting this), I remember some “friends” having a kickback as we used to call it on Good Friday. I’ll spare you the details, but I do remember seeing a picture appears that I had a fun night, but looking back on it, it was clearly a night of brokenness. I would love admit that this was the one and only Saturday morning I’ve woken up hungover and hating myself and hating my life based on my actions of the previous night. This night was probably the beginning of a downward spiral for about 7 years or so of me, living duplicitously between living in my faith and being in the world. It was 7 years of parties, nightclubs, drunkenness, and regrets. Hanging out with “friends” who I didn’t really mesh with and I’m honestly not certain if they cared for me (I can say for certain that one did not like me at all, but that’s a story for another time). I kept trying to get out of this life, but sin kept pulling me in. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and I felt like damaged goods and that I was now too impure to return to the safe community of the church.
However, about 3 years ago, I got into a situation where all I could do is turn to Christ. I had no choice but to recommit my life to Him. I was struggling to fully regain my trust in God and then in between the rebuilding of my faith, a “friend” did something against me that could have ended very differently if it wasn’t for grace. I could have let that situation break what I was rebuilding, but it only made my faith stronger. However, it wasn’t until I went to a baptism recently that I truly “got it”.
I’ve been struggling with this concept of being a “good” Christian. Which now that I think about it, how does that truly exist? Multiple bible verses, including Romans 3:12 reminds us that none of us are good without Christ. I’ve been having the burden of my past on my shoulders and struggling to forgive myself and fully accept that Jesus has forgiven me for all the things that I have done against Him. When I went to this baptism recently, the pastor spoke a short message about being changed by Christ and the meaning of grace and it was like things finally clicked.
Over the past week or so, I have found so much freedom in living for Christ. Burden and shame are not of God—they are of Satan. Satan wants you to feel guilty for sins that have been confessed to Jesus and He has forgiven. Some Christian communities refer to guilt as conviction. Let me tell you if no one else had, guilt and conviction are two very different things. Conviction is to be led in a certain direction in a certain situation. Guilt is to continue to feel bad about your past long after you have confessed and have been forgiven for said trespass.
So long story short, as we continue Holy Week and enter into remembrance of Christ’s crucifixion on Friday. I hope you find and experience the freedom that was given to all of us when Christ died for us on the cross and that you can live authentically in the light and love that God has for you.
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Another 12 months of animatin', illustratin' and video creatin' in the can! This was another pretty stacked year for freelance work and building up my YouTube channel. Read on for more details on each month!
January:
The year kicked off with the release of What a Waste, which I animated at the end of last year. I created a poster to celebrate it's launch.
I also had some artwork in print via an article in LeftLion magazine!
I also illustrated my OC Drillbot ReV for the year of the rabbit and put out a new animation showreel.
February:
I did a valentines card for CherryT of the pair of us in Mario & Luigi style. I was also commissioned to do an edit of the van animation I did last year, this time with a car and some other minor tweaks.
March:
At the start of this month I hit over 1000 subscribers on YouTube, only took 17 years! To celebrate I put together a quick video talking about the past, present and future of the channel, using it as a test to see how I could start making more fully-edited, scripted videos using my PNGTuber.
The first of these was an almost hour long video exploring my DVD/Blu-Ray collection.
April:
This was the month that I really pushed to get a load different videos out on my channel, with full illustrated thumbnails for each! This mostly consisted of a six-part let's play of the Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, cut down from an April fools day livestream.
I also did an impressions video about the Super Mario Bros movie and a scripted video about Easter eggs I snuck into my animations, just in time for Easter! I also made a speedpaint video for one of the video thumbnails and made a new logo for the speedpaint videos.
There was also a birthday card illustration for CherryT inspired by the Mario movie!
May:
May was a pretty quiet month, mainly consisting of two illustrations: a quick one of an OC for mermay and a piece of fan art of vTuber Asha the Game Genie. Both of these were captured off-stream and turned into speedpaint videos.
I also made a supercut of a Netherlands travel vlog from 2018 with a bunch of additional footage that I never got around to editing before, in time for the 5th anniversary of our friends wedding that we attended that year!
June:
My first big freelance project finally arrived between May and June, an informational film about Credit Unions, done in a similar style to several films I did last year, but with more colour in the mix.
I also did a couple of livestreams this month, namely a reaction stream to a Nintendo Direct and a Sonic anniversary stream, a part of which was edited into a video of me drawing obscure Sonic characters from memory.
July:
With that freelance project done and dusted I dedicated most of this month to some personal animating stuff: mainly giving my PNGTuber a fresh coat of paint by improving all the animations with more frames. I made a scripted video about the process.
I also made big progress on a re-animated collab shot that I finally finished in November.
August:
Browsing my pages you'd think I did absolutely nothing this month, but I was in fact deep in researching for a video series I plan to make for YouTube in the near future when I have more spare time for it. What started as a single short video idea deep-dived into a rabbit hole of fascinating stuff that I can't wait to share with you all!
I also started animating an intro for this video series, which is currently sitting in sketch form and will be returned to next year when I can!
September:
My YouTube planning had to be stuck on hold as another big freelance project landed on my lap: an informational film about community lenders. There is some pretty fun scenes in this, and yet another loan shark character! This took up all of September and was released at the end of October.
October:
Just as I wrapped up the previous project another even bigger one was being cooked up: a sequel to What a Waste! Once the filming of the puppetry and the recording of the voice talent was ready I could get to work on once again animating faces for the returning apple character and the five new characters!
What a Waste was a pretty experimental film but this time around I had a working system in place to jump straight in and assumed I would be able to get this one done in less time. I technically did get it done in less time because the deadline for it was much tighter, but it was a crunch to do so, consisting in total of over 2000 assets!
In the short space between these projects I illustrated Rouge the Bat based on a Twitter trend.
November:
November was mostly taken up by wrapping up production on Apple-y Ever After. In total it took about five weeks, about a week longer than I planned, not helped by me choking on a slice of potato that rendered shallowing anything difficult for weeks! It was a good thing CherryT was around at the time to perform a Heimlich maneuver on me! Absolute life saver!
A teaser trailer was released mid way through the month.
Once that was done with I went back and finally finished this shot for the Wario Ware GOLD re-Animated collab that I had been chipping away at on-and-off for around three years! It's done pretty nicely on both Newgrounds and YouTube. The full collab should be out sometime next year! Speaking of which, I have another shot reserved that I need to crack on with when I'm less busy with freelance work!
December:
I've started another big animation project that will run until the end of January and hopefully be released in Feb. This was the third project in a row with hardly a break in between and that, on top of the film work, left me feeling pretty burnt out, hence this quick doodle.
Digital Eclipse summed up the birthday cake CherryT made for me best!
I spent the spare time I had at the start of the month to make a video about the latest birthday cake CherryT made me. I also took this opportunity to edit remasters of previous cake videos, including one that was never finished. Here's the playlist for all six of them.
Apple-y Ever After finally released near Xmas, which meant I could publish this poster I made for it. Next month there will be a making of video published by Deadline and so far the film has been quite the hit, currently sitting at around 40K views!
Finally, I published an old Xmas animation from 2010 on YouTube, but because the original video had copyrighted music baked into the sound effects, I remade the soundtrack from scratch!
Previous years: 2022 - 2021 - 2020 - 2019
2018 - 2017 - 2016
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Being an Agender, 1st-Gen Indian-American
I’m a first-generation immigrant, with both my parents being Indian immigrants. My mom immigrated to Canada before she came to America (when she was in her late twenties), and is a Canadian citizen. She was born and raised in Ahmedabad, a city in Gujarat. My dad moved to India when he was in his early twenties. He moved from Ahmedabad to Mumbai in his fifth standard, and moved from a Gujarati-medium school to an English-medium one.
My dad is more fluent in English than my mom, though they both are fluent and speak mostly without an accent. I speak Gujarati more-or-less fluently, since that’s what we spoke at home, but I can barely even write my name. I’m Hindu, as is my family, and a strict vegetarian. I’m agender, but I use she/her and they/them pronouns.
Beauty Standards
One of the biggest issues in the Indian-American community is the issue of body hair. I’m AFAB, so I was expected to have smooth, hairless legs and arms. The reality was rather different. Since the age of ten, I had more body hair than the boys in my class. I was mocked and called by the name of a TV animal character, whose name was a mispronunciation of my own. No one ever did anything about it. I was eight. My mother, though she meant well, pushed me into waxing and threading and other forms of hair removal since the day I turned eleven. Even now, as a fully-grown adult with my own apartment and my own life, I can’t bring myself to wear shorts or capris without having spent hours making sure my legs are smooth. Body hair is a huge issue that needs to be addressed more, and not just as a few wisps of blonde hair in the armpit region.
Food
It’s complicated. Growing up, we had thaalis (with roti, rice, sweet dal, and shaak [which is a mix of vegetables and spices]) for dinner almost every night. When we didn’t, it was supplemented with foods like pasta, veggie burgers, and khichdi. We made different types of khichdi each time, based off of different familial recipes that were all named after the family member who introduced them. My mom had to make milder food for my sister, and while my sister loves spicy foods now, I’m still not a big fan. A side effect of growing up in a non-white, vegetarian family is that no one in my family has any idea of what white non-vegetarians eat. Like, at all. It’s kind of funny, to be honest.
Holidays/Religion
My mom is a Vaishnav, and my dad is a Brahmin, so the way they both worship is very different. My dad’s family places a huge emphasis on chanting and prayer, as well as meditation. They mostly pray to capital-G G-d, as the metaphysical embodiment of Grace. My mom’s family, however, places emphasis on– I don’t want to say “idol worship" because of the negative connotations that has– but they worship to murtis, statues that represent our gods. My mom’s favored god to pray to is Krishna, and we have murtis in our home that she performs sevato every day.
We celebrate Janmashtmi, Holi, Diwali, Ganesha Puja, Lakshmi Puja– too many to count, really. We don’t always go all-out, especially on most of the smaller celebrations, but we do try and attend the temple lectures on those days, or host our own. We also celebrate Christmas and Easter secularly. I didn’t even know Christmas was a Christian holiday until I was in elementary school, and Easter until I was in high school.
Micro-Aggressions
Whooo, boy. Where do I start?
When my sister was in first grade, she had a friend. I’ll call her Mary. Mary, upon learning that my sister was not, in fact, Christian, brought an entire Bible to school and forced my sister to read it during recess, saying that otherwise, she wouldn’t be her friend anymore. Mary kept telling my sister that she would go to hell if she didn’t repent, and that our entire family was a group of “ugly sinners.” When my sister came to me for advice, I told her that Mary wasn’t her friend, that Mary wasn’t being nice, and that my sister wasn’t going to go to hell, and that we don’t even believe in hell. When my sister finally stood up to Mary and told her that she wasn’t going to listen to her anymore, Mary got angry and dumped a mini-carton of chocolate milk on her and told her that “now she looks like what she is– a dirty [the Roma slur term].” Not only was that inaccurate, it was extremely racist, and Mary was only reprimanded for the milk-spilling, not the racist remark that came with it.
On top of that, since I have long hair, I’m always getting asked if so-and-so can touch it, or what I do to get it so long, or why I allow myself to be “shaped by such backwards ideals of women.” My name is never pronounced correctly, and I’ve been asked to give people my “American name” to be called by instead of my actual name. I’ve been called a terrorist, asked why I wasn’t wearing a hijab (by white people btw), and mocked for my food. I’ve been told that I wasn’t “really Indian” because I didn’t have a dot on my forehead. I’ve been told I wasn’t “really Hindu” because I had milk on my plate, by a white boy whose mom was a leader of a local choir.
I grew up in a town where only 4-5% of the population was South Asian, and there were a total of five South Asians in my grade level. The school administration consistently and intentionally placed us in different classes, and I never made a friend that was South Asian until 7th grade. When I came to the school, I was placed in ESOL without even being tested, while also being in the Advanced Readers class. The school didn’t even care to look at my school records before placing me into ESOL based on the color of my skin.
Things I’d Like to See Less/More Of
I’d like to see less of the “nerd” stereotype, of the “weak, nonathletic” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “prude” stereotype, of the “I hate my culture/feel I don’t belong” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “rebellion” stereotype, of the “my parents are so strict and I hate them” stereotype. I never want to see the “unwanted arranged marriage” trope. Ever.
I want to see bulky, tall Indian characters. I’d like to see Indian characters confident in their sexuality, whether that’s not having sex (for LEGITIMATE reasons like risk of STDs, general awkwardness before and after The Deed, and wanting to wait, not “oh my parents said so and also I’m sheltered and innocent”), or having a new sexual partner every night.
I want Indian characters (especially children/teens!!!) proud of their culture and their heritage and their religion, whether that’s Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, or anything else. I want to see supportive Indian parents, I want to see more than chiding Indian grandmothers and strict Indian fathers. I want to see healthy arranged marriages, or healthy mixed-marriages. I want to see mixed Indian-POC couples, I want to see queer Indian couples.
I want to see body hair on female-presenting characters, I want to see more of India that isn’t “bustling market with the scent of spices in the air” and “poor slums rampant with disease” and “Taj Mahal”. I want to see casual mentions of prayer and Hinduism and Indian culture (a short “My mom’s at the temple, she can’t come pick us up” or a “what is it? i’m in the middle of a holi fight! eep! ugh, gulaab in my mouth” over a phone call, or a “she won’t answer until 12– she’s in her Bharatnatyam class/Gurukul class/doing seva/at the temple” would suffice). I want to see more Indian languages represented than just Hindi. There’s Tamil, Gujarati, Marathi, Nepali, and Kashmiri, just off the top of my head. The language your character speaks depends on the place they come from in India, and they might not even speak Hindi! (I don’t!)
I hate that Indian culture is reduced to “oppressive, strict, and prudish” when it's so much more than that. I hate that Indians are stereotyped to the point where it is a norm, and the companies reinforcing these stereotypes don’t take responsibility for their actions and don’t change. I hate the appropriation of Indian culture (like yoga, pronounced “yogh”, not “yo-gaaa” fyi, the Om symbol, meditation, and Shri Ganapathidada) and how normalized it is in Western society.
This ended up a lot longer than I had expected, but I hope it helps! Good luck with your writing :)
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GOYIM AND KABBALAH
Look. This is going to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to explain because my very being- my opus- is involved.
As I sit under the light of the full moon, back to the tree in my front yard, the very pulse of earth is moving within me. I am accutely aware of which trees have sprung from the seeds planted by the parent tree at my back. The night is still and yet it’s teeming with life. It is Ru’ahh- the breath of G-d I feel moving through all things but how did this happen? At what point did I become aware of Her presence and abandon all else on my journey? Where is the line between Christian and Jew in my mind? At what point did I cease to be Catholic?
The library unearthed at Nag Hammadi completely changed my perspective on the life and message of Christ. His own promise of the gift of Ru’ahh HakoDesh sent me within. After all, didn’t He urge us to sit in a closet and pray? Then a Rosicrucian text written in 1923 quoted the Gospel of Peace 30 years before its “discovery.”
Years of meditation- constant recital of the 72 triplets- later and The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz was given to me. A Frater from my order handed me his personal copy full of annotations and footnotes. This seemingly simple doctrine follows a similar pattern of the one found in the Apocalypse of John, what Christians know as Revelations. In it he speaks of communing with Sophia- Solomons Woman Wisdom. This mystical experience is one I recognized instantly having long since meditated in Her presence. I sought Her like silver just as Solomon suggested and found Her within.
Anyways, as I read of Christian Rosenkreutz taking this spiritual journey I couldn’t help but notice how blended the Rosicrucian path actually is. Here is a doctrine where the spiritual journey is divided into a seven day journey-referencing Genesis- to attend a Wedding on an evening before Easter- referencing, not only the Gospels, but the Wedding at Cana as well. It’s Alchemical in nature urging us to remember Hermès teachings and alludes to Platos Cave- the metaphysics behind Greek philosophy. He cuts the bread. That only happens in 9 books of the New Testament. There are also 9 Lords in attendance at this Wedding.
Genesis is tied into the story as a way to connect the dots between these seemingly different paths- all of which lead to One. “G-d said” appears 10 times. “G-d made” appears 3 times. “G-d saw” appears 7 times. The word G-d is used 12 times. 10 sefirot. 3 horizontal paths. 7 vertical paths. 12 diagonal paths. This is the Tree of Life. It serves as the basic framework for how Christian Rosenkreutz made it to this Castle- what I understand as a mountain Temple- to commune with the Creator.
There are Four Paths mentioned that one can take to achieve this goal. Couple that with several references meant to imply a connection between the Emerald Tablet and the Tree of Life and it’s no wonder I set out to understand why. Why would a Christian mystic explain how movement from Yesod, Hod, and Netzach moving from below to above correlates to the three step process of the Emerald Tablet? I mean, even the first day of Rosenkreutz journey ends painting the 4 step descent, 3 step ascent, and the one step re-descent. Why? What do the Emerald Tablet and Kabbalah have to do with what Christ taught? The question drove me mad.
The Wedding at Cana was the first of 7 miracles to be taken as signs of the Messiah. Specifically, the lawful Union of man and woman- or the reconciliation of polarity. The same polarity reconciled after 6 days of Creation through use of duality described in Genesis. It’s an allegory. Christ was teaching us how to reconcile our seemingly dualistic nature. The changing of water into wine implies the integration of our vehicles of consciousness- body and mind, waking mind and Spirit.
Even the number of disciplines outlined by Rosenkreutz isn’t merely a play on the 12 disciples. It’s 12 disciplines in three groups of four. Emanation, Creation, Formation, and Action. There’s no getting around going from below to above requires merkava- vehicles of consciousness. At the level of Assiah/Action, it’s easy to see this vehicle because we touch, taste, see, smell and hear with it, but as we move beyond that it gets decidedly more difficult. When we approach Atzilut/Emanation where we have no vehicle of consciousness because we are consciousness, what then? Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh. That same “I am” that manifests in the first word of the 10 commandments is the Divine expressing itself in the metaphor of Creature. That was Sophia/Chochmah manifesting within. Years of meditating at the Temple within my heart had taught me to trust the breath of G-d beyond anything else.
There was no escaping this truth. Prayer. Meditation. Study. Living a simple life. All of these disciplines had moved me to a place where I needed guidance. The Hermeticists of my order had much more in common with the Sorcerers of Kemet- Biblical Egyptians- than they did with those faithful to the Law. What could the descendants of Isis cults who genuinely believe we can reach the point of being gods teach me about ascending to the throne room of the one true G-d? Nothing.
Now I never abandoned Christ in all this. Even as I dove into deep meditative periods with heavy study almost never touching the Bible- Christian Rosenkreutz bridegroom I was still aware of how Christ is involved. See, if Chochmah/Wisdom is waves of energy, Binah/Understanding is form. With Christ as my template- the One manifested in the World of Formation- I chose to live in love. To be “the light that shone in the darkness.” But what Church would understand this journey? What Christian could hear this tale and not label me a heretic? Aside from one Anglican priest I had been completely isolated from the entire realm of Christianity.
So I did the only thing I could do. I turned to the source of this Ancient Mystery and joined a Kabbalah study group. I am a Gentile amidst the Chosen seeking Wisdom above all. Am I treated differently within the confines of said group? No. I came to this path after decades of prayer and meditation and it is doubtful this is the first lifetime I have spent in such a manner. I didn’t wake up yesterday and say “let me jack this culture and make it my own.” They know that because mystics are measured on what’s within more than they’ll ever be measured by appearance, race, or…
Trust and believe that every post I write comes from a place of love and I never intended to hurt or offend anyone. Mysticism had never been a game or a fad to me. This life cycle is one of dedication and servitude to G-d and humanity. That is the fulfillment of the Law- to love G-d with all of my mind and soul and to love my neighbor as I love myself. Humility may not always be my strong suit but my approachability runs high. You can always reach out to me with questions and ask why or how. Even in the mix of frustration I will gladly address anyone with the respect and dignity I would like to receive. Hehe. To receive.
That’s all I got.
#mysticism#kabbalah#hermeticism#spirituality#inner transformation#goyim gonna goy#wisdom#tree of life#esoteric christianity#alchemy#christian rosenkreutz#emerald tablet#chymical wedding#cabala
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Riding On
Ch3: What Happens in Vegas...
Summary: We catch up with what Fliss got up to whilst Frank was living it up in Vegas, before they both face up to the events of the weekend, because this time what happened in Vegas certainly doesn’t stay there…
Warnings: Bad Language words.
Pairing: Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
Riding On Masterlist // Main Masterlist
Chapter 2
Just when it seems like everything’s evened out, and the balance seems serene, see the fool I’ll be, still running ‘round on the flesh rampage.
“Hey!” Fliss greeted Bonnie as she walked over to where the woman was supervising the after school club.
“Hiya!” Bonnie smiled “You heard from Frank today?”
“Yeah, before.” Fliss smiled, before she looked and Bonnie “I gotta say, that video of Simon…”
“He’s an idiot.” Bonnie shook her head “Punching his own reflection…I mean…”
“I’m not gonna lie, it’s probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages.” Fliss giggled and Bonnie snorted, shaking her head again. At that point Mary came running over, her cheeks pink
“Hey Lissy.” “Hey sweetheart, you ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, because I got a surprise for you!”
“Me?”
“Yup!”
“Where is it?”
“We gotta go pick it up.”
“Oh, ok…bye Miss Stevenson!”
“See you Mary!” Bonnie smiled as she started to head off to Fliss’ car “Hey, give me a call…we can do lunch Sunday before the boys get back.”
“Sure.” Fliss nodded. “I’ll text you.”
With a final goodbye she headed after Mary and climbed into the driver’s side.
“Where’s Thor?” Mary asked.
“He’s at Mum and Dad’s with Rupert and Fred.” she said, “I thought after our surprise we could stay there for the weekend, use the pool and the Cinema Room…”
“Ok…” Mary looked at her suspiciously.
“I promise you’re gonna like it!”
“Just tell me.” Mary looked at her as Fliss set off driving.
“Sure you wanna know?”
“You’re as bad as Frank.” The girl rolled her eyes and Fliss laughed.
“We’re going to pick Steve up from the airport.”
Mary’s face split into a huge grin, it was a well-known fact that besides Bill, Fliss’ brother was basically her favourite person that wasn’t Frank on the planet.
“Uncle Steeby is coming to stay?” she looked at Fliss.
“Yup for a whole month. He has some work in Orlando and Tampa so he’s gonna be staying in town for a while, and then in Easter Sian and the twins are flying over.”
“Oh man!” Mary grinned, laying her head back on the seat “This is great!”
Mary’s excitement seemed to increase the nearer they got to the Airport, and Fliss had to practically hold her down in the seat as she parked the car, telling her to wait a second. Once she’d managed to park they headed into the arrivals lounge and little after 15 minutes later her brother appeared, towing his suitcase behind him.
“Hey Stack!” he grinned as Mary flung herself at him and he swept her up in a hug “How’s it hanging?” “Same old, same old!” she grinned and he let out a laugh before he placed her down and turned to Fliss.
“Oh my God!” he smiled as Fliss walked over to him “Look at you!”
She laughed “I know…” with a nod she looked down “Nothing until 16 weeks and then wham…now I feel like it’s getting bigger every day.”
He pulled her into his arms and gave her the usual bear hug before the three of them headed out to the car. On the way back to the house, Steve filled Fliss in on what exactly he was doing. The construction company he owned was in the running for a very big job in Orlando building a complete village of holiday villas not far from Lake Buena Vista. As such he was out here to meet a few people and attend the Bidders Conference, whilst also taking a look at some potential office buildings in Lakeland.
“If we win this tender Fliss, it’s going to be huge.” he smiled at her “We’re talking millions.”
“That’s great.” she smiled “You’ve really blown it up since Dad handed over the reins, I’m really pleased for you!”
“I got lucky.”
“No, it was hard work.” Fliss glanced at him.
“Frank says you make your own luck.” Mary added.
“See!” Fliss grinned at her brother. “So, would you guys move out here or…”
“I’m tempted.” he said, “As with anything, I’ll need a project team who can oversee the local suppliers and labour that type of thing, manage the schedules and what not…but our head offices will still be in Liverpool, so I’m undecided. Either way I’ll be spending a lot more time here, certainly in the first 12 months whilst it all gets up and running.”
“How does Sian feel about it?”
“She’s excited. She knows what it means to me, to the business. Obviously she realises it means more time apart as I’ll be out here quite often but…”
“Is it selfish of me to be happy about that?” Fliss smiled and Steve laughed.
“Nope, because we all know I’m the best big brother in the world.”
Fliss grinned and shook her head as Mary began to enthusiastically talk to Steve about school and University and the Girl Scout group she was in. Fliss interjected whenever she needed to but other than that she was happy to let the two of them chat away.
Once home Steve headed over to the Annex where he would be staying whilst Mary went outside to play with the dogs, Fred happy to oversee things from his spot on a chair on the large decking platform which-over looked the pool area. Steve appeared an hour or so later having showered and changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, Fliss grinning at him, calling him a tourist. Whilst it wasn’t cold by cold standards, she found it chillier having grown used to the blazing heat of the summer. Steve, who had come from the chilly early spring in England, simply rolled his eyes and handed her the box he had in his hand.
“It’s a present from me and Sian.” he smiled.
Fliss glanced down and smiled at the selection box of Pukka Tea bags.
“Steeby this is great!” she beamed “I’ve been struggling to find them out here since Sian recommended them.”
She gently opened the box and glanced at the various herbal teas. There were 12 different flavours such as Peppermint and Liquorice, Ginger and Manuka Honey, Chamomile and Rose to name but a few. There was even a handwritten note inside from Sian, explaining which ones had helped her with various symptoms she felt during her pregnancy. She closed the purple and gold box and looked up at Steve, tears in her eyes.
“Hey, come on Titch!” he laughed as she fell into his arms, chuckling herself at her ridiculous tears “It’s just tea bags.” “It’s really thoughtful, thank you.” she stepped back, wiping her eyes “Fucking hormones.” Steve chuckled, rubbing her back slightly before she turned and began pulling the rest of the stuff out for dinner.
“Wanna help?” she asked.
“You really want me to?” He smirked “I’ve still not forgot the time we made brownies and set fire to the curtains at the Farm house.” “Ok, first off those curtains were rank, as Mum said when Dad came home and hit the roof, second off, they were pot brownies and we were already stoned after smoking a load! Cooking and being high do not mix.”
Steve laughed “God, poor Mum didn’t know what to do. Came home, found us both on the floor eating them, with burnt curtains hanging at the window.” “She knew we were stoned, she told me.” Fliss grinned, handing Steve a knife “Said she lied to dad that it had been her to get us off the hook.” “Well that didn’t work because Dad told me he knew full well it was us. He made me pay for the new curtains and told me that if I ever let you smoke that stuff again he was going to beat me within an inch of my life.” Fliss laughed “He was so full of shit, he never raised a hand to either of us. Never would either.” “No, but the threat was there. Even if I was 22 at the time, scared the shit out of me.”
“Thankfully we both grew up since then, huh?��� Fliss shrugged, as she grabbed a chopping board to start carving up the meat for the tacos.
“Hmmm, debatable.” Steve nudged her. “Although I can safely say I haven’t done weed since the twins were born…as tempting as it was at times.”
“I can’t remember the last time I did.” Fliss mused “Was certainly before I moved to Boston.” “Frankie boy not dabble every now and then?”
“Nope.” Fliss said “He doesn’t smoke and says the last time he did pot it made him pull a whitey so he steers clear. Hardest thing he does now is Bourbon.” “Huh…” Steve mused “I had him pegged as a bit of wild one…” “He’s not.” Fliss shook her head “I mean he cuts loose when we go out, and I dread to think about the states he’s gonna be in this weekend but…” she shrugged “He’s well adjusted, sensible, level headed…can be a bit of a child at times but, show me a man who isn’t?” Steve shot her a look and she chuckled.
“So, how is he?” Steve asked. “Seems like ages since I spoke to him.” “He’s good.” Fliss smiled “His work is going well. He’s really excited about the baby.” her hand dropped to her bump. “We’re gonna start looking for houses now our landlord had said he won’t hold us to our contract. Frankie wants to move as soon as we can so he can get a nursery ready but I’m not bothered. Not like we’ll need the extra space really until a few months after it’s born.”
“You’d be surprised.” Steve raised an eyebrow “Babies accumulate a lot of stuff…” “Well, we’ll manage either way.” Fliss shrugged “Most important thing is they’re safe and happy. We can figure the rest out as we go.” “You gonna buy or…” “Hopefully.” Fliss nodded “With work and stuff now we shouldn’t have a problem borrowing now but, I don’t know, we’re going to look into it properly once Jake’s wedding is out of the way in a few weeks.”
Steve nodded and took a deep breath “You know, I wasn’t sure about you two at first, not because I didn’t like Frank, I did, I mean I do but, well, I just thought after Dickhead that you needed time to heal and find yourself again.” Fliss looked at him as he chewed the inside of his lip before he turned to her. “But then when I saw you again after your first Christmas together and then over the Easter…I dunno, you just…”
Fliss smiled and looked down, shrugging “I might have healed in a lot of ways before I met Frank but I was still broken Steeb. Finding my way in a new relationship was hard work, it was daunting…I constantly found myself automatically doing things I did with or for John…like you know the first time Frank ever stayed over, in the morning I just got up and was about to make him coffee and he was so puzzled by it.” she shrugged “that could have been so awkward but Frank…well, he didn’t let it feel that way. Simply told me to stay the fuck in bed.” “Don’t wanna know.” Steve pulled a face and Fliss laughed.
“Joking aside, I know it used to bother him because it was almost like on a subconscious level I was comparing the two of them but he never once lost his temper, not really anyway, other than to tell me to stop putting him on a pedestal for being fucking normal…his words, not mine.” she said, framing them in quotation marks with her fingers. “He just gets it. He gets me.” “You finished with the sales pitch?” Steve asked her and she narrowed her eyes at him as he laughed “You don’t need to convince me Titch, I like the guy, I just wasn’t sure you were in the right place but it's obvious he helped you get there.” Fliss smiled.
“And Mum and Dad worship the ground he walks on.” Steve shrugged “Like seriously…”
“Awww you jealous?” Fliss teased and Steve turned, pointing the small knife he was holding at her.
“Behave.” he smirked and Fliss laughed.
“I know what you mean though…whenever we argue they’re both like ‘you need to stop being so hard on him, Lissy’.” She snorted.
“Well, to be fair, you are a little bit…” Steve shrugged “Oh, I dunno, a bit of a pain in the ass at times.” “Fuck you.” she sniggered, as Steve chuckled and once again looked down at her.
“I’m glad you found him. You deserve to be happy.” Fliss smiled, and let her brother give her another hug before she instructed him to get on with his allocated job of dicing onions if they wanted any chance of eating this side of summer. Between the two of them, they had dinner ready in half an hour and the three of them ate inside at the large kitchen table. It wasn’t long after they finished that Frank Face timed. After a conversation with Mary, instructing her once more to behave, she handed the phone to Fliss who smiled at her man and excused herself for a little while so she could go talk to him in private. He told her they were off to play poker, promised he wouldn’t gamble Bean and Mary’s inheritance away, before he apologetically said he needed to go and promised he would message her later, despite her insistence that he didn’t need to keep checking in.
The siblings and Mary, plus animals migrated to the lounge of the villa as Steve yawned, desperately trying to keep himself awake as long as possible to counteract the time difference between Florida and their home in the North West of England. He ended up helping himself to a healthy shot of Bill’s 12 year old Single Malt as Fliss had an apple juice mixed with lemonade, the 2 of them on the couch, the foot stools of the recliners in front of them whilst Mary led on the rug, playing on her computer.
At one point she let out a snigger, and Fliss looked at her suspiciously.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Frank before told me to stop doing maths and do something else…so I’m googling.” she shrugged.
“Googling what?”
“Random pregnancy facts…did you know the longest pregnancy ever recorded was 375 days?”
“What?” Fliss spluttered “That’s over a year!”
Mary grinned “and the shortest was 21 weeks and four days…both babies survived.”
Steve looked at Fliss, chuckling to himself as he took a drink of his scotch.
“Woah, your heart grows bigger too…” Mary said, “and your blood volume increases by 40-50%. That’s pretty cool.”
“No wonder you get fat…” Steve mused and Fliss picked up a cushion, hitting him in the face with it.
“And your voice can change!” Mary looked up at Fliss “Says here that it can get lower…” she studied her for a second before she nodded “Talk to me…” “What do you want me to say?” Fliss asked, dropping her voice deliberately and Mary shook her head, rolling her eyes.
“You’re doing a Frank…” she sing songed.
“Doing a Frank?” Steve looked at his sister.
“Code for being an idiot.” Fliss smiled.
“You’re 18 weeks right?” Mary continued.
“Yeah”
“It says here that’s the time the baby can hear sounds…but it gets more responsive at 25-26 weeks…” she paused “Have you felt Bean move yet?”
“No.” Fliss shook her head, “but apparently for your first baby it’s not uncommon for you not to feel it until after 20 weeks.”
“Huh, they call it quickening…” Mary mused then she grinned “I can’t wait to feel it kicking you.”
“Gee thanks Stack…” Fliss looked at her as Steve let out a loud laugh
“I bloody love this kid!” he grinned and Mary smiled back.
*****
Saturday flew by. Fliss had lessons all day at the yard, Mary hanging around to help Joanne with various tasks before she herself got to ride Monty. She was now fully walking, trotting and cantering off the line competently, so when she asked Fliss if they could try a little jump, seeing as Frank wasn’t there to shit himself Fliss agreed.
Joanna set the cross poles up, leaving the jump at less than half a foot high, but it was enough for what they wanted to do.
“Ok…so…” Fliss said, nudging the ground pole with her foot. “We’re going to just trot him at this for the time being, so when he steps over this pole you have a count of one before he is going to take off. So you need to stand up… and fold forward slightly, giving him the reins. Show me.” Mary obediently stood up, and Fliss moved to help her adjust her legs so they didn’t fling too far back.
“Ok, good…” Fliss nodded. “Joanna’s gonna lead you over the first few times ok, and if you feel like you’re losing your balance then grab hold of this bit at the bottom of his mane. It won’t hurt him, I promise.” “OK, I’m ready…” Mary nodded.
“Alright…” Fliss said, stepping back. Joanna led Monty away, before they picked up trot and ran at the small jump.
“Get ready to fold!” Fliss instructed Mary, as she approached the pole. Doing exactly as she was told Mary leaned forward as Monty took off from the ground and landed perfectly after the jump. Mary sat back up and looked over her shoulder at the jump then to Fliss who gave her the thumbs up.
“Woah, did you see that?” Mary grinned, and Fliss nodded.
“Sure did!” she laughed. “Go again?”
Mary nodded eagerly and Joanna laughed. “Well done kiddo!”
They repeated this 5 or 6 times more before Fliss asked Mary if she wanted to try on her own. Never one to back down she nodded so Joanne unclipped the line and Mary trotted Monty around in a circle before she came at the jump.
“Ok, sit up and look straight between his ears at where you’re going.” Fliss said “Don’t look down…” Mary approached the jump and Fliss held her breath, but needn’t have bothered. Monty, ever the pro took Mary over the poles easily and stopped a few strides at the other side, Mary letting out an excited yell.
“I did it!”
Fliss gave her a huge smile.
“Can we film it and send it to Frank?”
“Damned straight we can!” Fliss grinned, “Do it again.”
She pulled her phone out, filmed Mary once again jumping and then turned her phone off, slipping into her pocket as Mary rode Monty back over.
“That was amazing!” the little girl was beaming ear to ear.
Fliss nodded “Yeah, it was. You did really well Stack. You wanna walk him off now then and we can feed and go home?” Mary nodded as she turned Monty away to let him walk around the outside of the paddock. With a smile she grabbed her phone and sent the footage to Frank. He replied a few minutes later with a load of wide mouthed emojis accompanied by the words “Jesus Christ, what did I say about keeping all 4 legs on the ground?”
“Oh hush Sailor!” she replied “She loved it. Now don’t forget I want a photo of you and Greg in those suits before you go out.” “Yes ma’am…now by my watch it must be nearly 6pm there. Take Mary and Bean home and get some rest.”
Rolling her eyes she responded about him being bossy to which he replied he was entitled to be as she was carrying his kid. A few more jokey messages were shared before Fliss promised to go home and Frank said he would talk to her later.
They grabbed a pizza on the way back and once more joined Steve for dinner, the 3 of them sitting in Bill’s large cinema room later watching Avengers-Age of Ultron. Before it had finished Fliss fell asleep, to be woken by Steve at the end of the film, Mary laughing at her as she groaned and stretched out.
“Sorry!” she grinned and Steve snorted.
“She falls asleep all the time.” Mary laughed “Frank said the baby is like a parasite, sucking all her energy.”
“A parasite?” Fliss snorted indignantly, her hand falling to her bump “You hear that Bean, that’s your dad saying that. Rude…”
“He isn’t wrong though.” Steve laughed. “Sian used to refer to our two as the bloodsuckers.” Shaking her head Fliss stood up and looked at Mary, “Bed, come on. You’re out with Roberta tomorrow.” “Anywhere nice?” Steve asked Mary.
“Just to the beach.” came the reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while so we’re gonna go watch the surfing competition. Roberta likes the shorts the men wear.”
“Sure she does.” Steve smirked, laughing.
“Some of them are brighter than Frank’s shirts.” Mary mused, causing Steve to laugh harder.
They bid him goodnight, getting ready for bed before Fliss tucked Mary in and went to the spare room. She fell asleep not long after but was woken early Sunday morning with a desperate need to pee. Once sorted she text her phone to find a very drunk text from Frank, declaring he loved her and couldn’t wait for Bean to arrive and for them to get married. She shook her head, glancing at the time, it was almost 4 am meaning it was 1am in Vegas. Smiling as she replied half asleep herself, telling him to maybe think about drinking water instead of any more alcohol, she turned over and closed her eyes.
***** Frank sat dumbfounded, his entire body rigid as the person next to him in the bed let out a sigh, and then a deep groan before a head emerged from under the covers.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Frank exhaled and let out a groan as Simon looked at him “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Well, technically this is my room, jerk.” Simon said, blinking “What year is it?
“You scared the shit out of me.” Frank took a deep breath “I thought…”
“You thought you left with the blonde?” Simon peeked up at him “Nah, man. Mind you, wasn’t for her lack of trying. She was all over you. Eventually you told her to fuck off. You were quite rude actually.” Frank let out a sigh, his head falling back against the head board.
Simon sighed turning over, before he peered under the covers. “For the love of- Frank you’re naked.” “I’m aware of that.” Frank groaned.
“Fucking hell…” Simon grimaced, before he rolled out of bed “I’m going for a pee. Put some clothes on.”
Once Simon was in the bathroom he climbed out of bed, his head still spinning as he found his clothes in a pile on the floor. Shoving on his boxers and shirt he looked around the room to see an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and a pizza box on the table.
“Where the hell did we go?” He asked Simon as he walked back into the room. “Don’t ask me.” Simon looked at him, falling face down on the bed. “I know we took Greg back to your room…”
“We did?”
“Yeah he was wasted.” Simon nodded, rolling over as Frank flopped back on the bed. “He could hardly walk so the bouncers asked us to take him out of the club. We threw him in your room then…we must have gone back out…hang on…”
With a herculean effort, Simon pushed himself up and found his phone. After a brief scan his eyes widened and he snorted.
“Look.”
He turned the phone round to Frank, who saw a selfie of him and Simon in front of a face down Greg in the hotel room. Simon then began to flick through.
“Oh, ok so we went to a liquor store…” he turned the phone round to show Frank a blurry photo of a shop front “Don’t ask me why I took that and oh my god!”
“What?” Simon pressed play and a load of cheering and singing hit their ears as they watched footage of a small man dressed as a leprechaun dancing in the hotel foyer, Frank on his knees in front of him, laughing.
“I literally have no memory of that…at all.” Frank shook his head.
“Looks like we called Bonnie as well…” Simon snorted “If this angry text message that I got at 3 am is anything to go by.”
“Oh fuck.” Frank hastily reached for his phone, which really didn’t have a lot of battery left, and he hastily scanned his calls. There were none to Fliss, but he had sent her a message. According to her reply she’d been up to use the toilet, so that was ok.
His phone illuminated then with two messages. One from Fliss asking him if he was hungover, as he deserved to be, and another from Greg asking him where the fuck he was. Deciding to reply to Greg first, as he could picture the man stressing he tapped out a quick reply informing him not to worry, he’d be back at the room as soon as he’d managed to dress himself, which at the moment thanks to his head was proving a little difficult, before he replied to Fliss saying he was indeed hungover and he needed to crawl into a hole and die and as ever, reminded her he loved her.
No sooner had he sent it, she was calling him.
“That was quick…” he mumbled, before answering it. “Hey, honey…” “So, wanna tell me exactly where and what you were doing that requires you to get dressed before you go back to your room?” Her voice was steely.
Shit. He had sent the messages to the wrong people.
“Lissy, it’s not what you think.” He instantly began.
“Oh, you have no IDEA what I’m thinking!” her voice grew louder
“No, listen…I’m with Simon.” He chuckled.
“You think this is funny?” She sniffed and Frank grimaced.
“Baby, stop.” He sighed “Look, we ended up back at his room and I passed out here. That message was meant for Greg as he was asking me where I was. Instead he now has a message saying I’m hungover to fuck and that I love him.”
She was silent and he could hear her on the other end of the line rustling something before she spoke again in a quiet voice “So you weren’t with anyone else?”
“No, Sweetheart I wasn’t. Why would I want to be huh? Most beautiful girl in the world waiting for me at home.” At that Simon let out a retching noise “God you make me want to puke, Adler.” “Oh fuck off Si you dick.” He shot back.
“Hey, Fliss.” Simon leaned over to speak down the phone, grabbing Frank’s wrist to stop him moving it. “Now you, Bonnie and me have all seen Frank nekkid...”
“I swear to God I’m gonna punch you in a minute.” Frank mumbled, jerking his arm out of Simon’s reach and pushing him so hard he rolled over and fell off the side of the bed. Frank let out a laugh as Simon groaned and a hand appeared in the air, flipping him off.
“He knows about you and Bonnie?”
“Apparently so.” Frank mused
“So anything else you wanna tell me about what you got up to? Other than naked spooning Si?”
Frank laughed “We found a dancing leprechaun.”
“A dancing leprechaun?” “Yeah, in the hotel somewhere.”
“Standard.” she giggled “So, are you ready to come home now you’ve spent the last few days acting like overgrown frat boys?
“Yes, I’m more than ready to leave Aldrich Whitaker behind”
“Who the fuck is that?”
“My alter ego for last night. He’s a trust fund ass hole.” Frank grinned.
There was a pause before she replied, snorting “Whatever.”
At that point his phone gave him a bleep to tell him he was dangerously low on battery power. “Look, baby, my phones gonna die. I’ll call you when I get it charged ok?”
“Yeah, sure, hey Frankie, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.” She apologised softly.
“It’s okay, I’m not surprised after that message.”
“Yeah but still…” she paused “Can I blame the hormones?”
“If you want.”
“In that case it was totally them.”
He chucked “ Hormones or not, I love you.”
“Love you too sailor”
With that his phone cut off and he glanced down at it, the screen blank as the power had gone. He dropped it on the bed, before leaning back again, his hand against his forehead.
“I’m NEVER coming to Vegas again”
“Oh you not fancy it for your Batchelor party then? Simon teased as he threw Frank a bottle of water from the mini bar.”
“The fuck I do.” Frank shook his head.
*****
“I’d like to say I’m surprised but…” Bonnie shrugged as Fliss snorted, taking a drink of her apple juice from the carton as they walked back to their cars in the setting sun. They’d had dinner at one of the beach bars and stayed simply chatting for half an hour or so, but now Fliss was now ready to head home, shower and bunker down for the rest of the evening until Frank came home.
“I knew he’d end up paralytic.” Fliss said, watching as Mary wandered back towards them, huge ice cream in her hand. “Stack that’s bigger than your head.”
Mary shrugged, handing Fliss her change “It’s good though.” “Mint choc chip?”
“Yup.” she grinned, taking a huge lick. “When’s Frank back?”
“He lands into Tampa in about 4 hours.” Fliss looked at her “Why, you fed up of me already?”
“No, just thinking how peaceful it’s been without him annoying me.”
Fliss grinned and Bonnie gave a chuckle.
“Hey, did you tell Bonnie about you jumping Monty?” Fliss asked.
“Oh, no…” Mary turned to the woman, enthusiastically telling her all about it as Bonnie listened, Fliss walking alongside them, her hand rubbing her bump. She was just thinking about how nice a nap would be right then when Bonnie’s phone went.
“Sorry Mary.” She muttered, frowning at the number. “Hey, Lisa?” Fliss attention turned to Bonnie and she watched carefully as she spoke to Jake’s fiancé, her eyes flicked to her “No, no why…what’s…oh, ok…yeah…”
She cancelled the phone call and instantly tapped at the screen.
“Everything ok?” Fliss frowned.
“Yeah, I just need to check something.” she said. Fliss glanced at Mary who looked at her, shrugging.
“Here…” Fliss handed her the keys to the jeep “Go open the car…” “You know if you want me out of the way just ask.” Mary rolled her eyes.
“Ok I want you out of the way.” Fliss looked down at her. Mary snorted and took the keys, wandering off the 50 yards or so to the jeep. Fliss watched her climb in the back, the door staying open and her legs dangling out of the side. “Bonnie what is it?”
“Nothing…” Bonnie said, far too quickly as she looked up at Fliss. Fliss frowned.
“Bonnie…”
“Honestly, it’s nothing, just something Lisa told me about on facebook so…” Bonnie stuttered slightly so Fliss narrowed her eyes.
“Stop bullshitting.” Fliss said, holding her gaze “What the fuck’s going on?”
“Look, I’m sure it’s not what it seems…” Bonnie sighed, holding out her phone. At those words Fliss felt her heart sink as it could only mean one thing, and she took the phone with a tentative hand. She looked down at it and could see that it was a photo and from the logo in the bottom right hand corner it was from the official club page that the boys had been in on Saturday night.
It showed Jake, Greg, Simon, and a few others that Fliss didn’t recognise but that wasn’t what Bonnie had been referring to. What she had been talking about, as Fliss could clearly see was the background of the shot, which showed Frank with a blonde woman. Her arms were round his neck, his hand was resting on her lower back and their faces inches apart.
“Like I said, I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation…” Bonnie said, but Fliss wasn’t listening. She was busy flicking through the other photos and then she came across another of Frank, the same girl perched on his knee.
She felt sick.
“Sure, perfectly innocent…” Fliss swallowed, handing the phone back to Bonnie, her voice sounding detached. Bonnie looked down at the snap now displayed on the screen and she took a deep breath.
“Look, Fliss, Frank loves you…he was probably just drunk and…” “Touching up some whore that’s sat on his lap.” Fliss shook her head “Save it Bonnie, I gotta go.” “Fliss…”
Fliss turned away from her, the tears stinging her eyes as she headed to the jeep. Taking a deep breath she wiped her eyes, climbing into the driver’s seat.
“Are you ok?” Mary looked at her.
“Yeah, fine…just tired and hormonal.” Fliss shot her a smile.
“We can watch a film when we get back.” Mary suggested “Just chill out?”
“Yeah, yeah we can.” Fliss trying to quell the sick feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with Bean.
Had Frank really cheated on her? She would never in a million years thought he had it in him to be unfaithful, and she was desperate to believe Bonnie, that there was some perfectly innocent explanation for it all. And maybe, just maybe with the first one she could. It could have been taken at a bad moment, when they were just talking to one another, Frank being friendly…but then again why would they have their arms round one another. And as for the second one…the same girl was sat on his fucking lap with her arm looped round his shoulder.
And he looked perfectly comfortable with it.
She rubbed her bump again and Mary looked at her. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine sweetheart.” she nodded, painting a smile on her face before turning the key in the ignition. “Let’s go home.”
******
Frank sighed as they all trudged through the arrivals lounge, rubbing his eyes. He was ready for a shower and collapse next to his girl, he felt like he had aged a decade over the last 3 days. The rest of them looked just as bad as they headed to the waiting car, Simon’s phone reminding Frank he needed to turn his on to.
“Oh, shit…” he heard Simon groan “No, that’s not…he didn’t…I swear…”
He glanced at Frank who stood still, watching and leaning on the door frame, his own phone in his hand as it started up.
“Yeah, ok…love you…see you soon.” Simon swallowed and cut the call looking at Frank.
“What is it?” Frank looked at him, a cold feeling washing over him “Has something happened to Lissy or Mary? Or the baby, please tell me no…” “No, nothing like that but you need to call Fliss.” he said, “Frank, there’s photos of you and that blonde chick on the club facebook page. Someone tagged me and Greg in them, Lisa saw them and Bonnie and…” “Photos of what?” Frank frowned “I didn’t do anything…” “There’s a photo that makes it look like you are…and one of her on your lap.” Simon said and Frank swallowed, his stomach churning.
“Oh fahk!”
“Just get in the car.” Greg looked at him from where he stood at the other side. “Call her on the way, we’ll back you up…it’s a misunderstanding.”
“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” Jake assured him.
But it wasn’t fine, because no matter how much Frank tried, or how many messages he sent, Liss wasn’t picking up or replying and when he saw the photos, he could understand her being pissed. He would be if it was the other way round because they looked bad. The drive home seemed to take forever, and when the car finally rounded the corner onto Frank’s road they all offered to come in as well and help him explain, but he shook his head, knowing full well if he did that she would feel backed into a corner. No, this was his own dumbass fault. He’d face up to it and talk to her, make her understand how he’d told the girl to back off…she’d listen, she was reasonable.
The house was quiet when he entered and he walked through to the lounge where Fliss was sat on the sofa, her knees bent up beside her. She glanced over the back of the couch and he could see she had been crying, which made him feel like even more of bastard than he did already.
“Lissy, honey, I swear…” “You know, when I asked if there was anything you wanted to tell me, maybe I should have asked if there was something you should tell me” She sniffed, uncurling her legs and standing up and Thor’s ears pricked up from where he had been laying on the rug.
“Listen, those photos, they’re not…” He shook his head. “I told her to get lost, honestly I swear to you.”
He moved towards her, his hands dropping to her hips but she pushed him hard in the chest, stepping back.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
“Sweetheart, I swear to God…”
“I don’t wanna hear it Frank.” she shook her head, walking past him. “Where are you going?” he asked, “Lissy, you can’t leave. Please, sweetheart…” “I’m going to bed, but let’s get one thing straight. The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now and storming out, slamming the door behind me is because of Mary.” she spoke calmly, too calmly for the anger which was radiating out of every inch of her body. She looked at Frank, her eyes watering as she shook her head, turning away. “You can take the couch.”
“Lissy…” “Frank…just stop.” Her voice cracked, and with that she left the room, Thor trotting behind, the bedroom door clicking behind her.
Frank stood, rooted to the spot, debating whether or not to follow her, before he decided not to. The last thing he wanted was to anger her that much she stormed out, or worse, she got so stressed something happened to the baby. No, she’d set the boundaries so he decided to respect them, and turned instead to the couch, sinking down onto the cushions his head in his hands.
She was angry, upset and she had the right to be and like he had said in the car, in her position he knew he would feel the same. She needed to sleep, calm down enough so that they could talk and he could explain, get her to listen to him. And then she’d see that it was a huge misunderstanding, even if she remained pissed at him for having the girl so close in the first place, which, ok, he shouldn’t have done but fuck…the thought of cheating hadn’t entered his mind, not once.
He swung his legs up, rubbing his face over his hands. She’d believe him. She had to, because if she didn’t, then had no idea what the fuck he was gonna do.
**** Chapter 4
#riding on#frank adler#frank adler x ofc#frank adler x original female character#frank adler x oc#gifted#gifted fan fic#chris evans#chris evans characters
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Holy Saturday - April 3, 2021
Christ is in His tomb. Rather, His Body is in the tomb, but when His Soul left His Body, He descended into Hell to “free the captives.” “Hell” here refers to the place of the dead in general (“Sheol” in the Hebrew, or “Hades” in the Greek), not to the place of torment with which the word “Hell” is most usually associated with today. The world “Hell” in the loosest, earliest sense includes:
the Limbo of the Fathers, the place for those who were righteous by charity and faith in the coming Messias and who died before His Coming
the Limbo of Infants, where, possibly, those who are sent who die without personal guilt but without Baptism after the time of Christ, or who died without charity and faith in the coming Messias before the time of Christ. This would be a place of beautiful, natural happiness, no punishment, and no sensible suffering.
Purgatory, where righteous people go to be cleansed of the temporal effects of their sins
Gehenna, the “Hell of the Lost,” the eternal place of punishment for the damned, the place we usually refer to as simply “Hell” today
by Dom Gueranger
The Easter Vigil
It was the practice of the Church, and one that had been handed down from the earliest ages, that the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass should not be offered up either on Good Friday or Holy Saturday. Good Friday, the anniversary of Jesus’ death, was exclusively devoted to the remembrance of the mystery of Calvary, and a holy fear kept the Church from renewing that Sacrifice upon Her altars. For the same reason She abstained on Holy Saturday, also, from its celebration. The burial of Christ is a sequel of His Passion; and during these hours when His Body lay lifeless in the tomb, it was fitting that the Sacrifice, wherein He is offered as the glorious and risen Jesus, should be suspended. Even the Greek Church, which otherwise never fasts on the Saturdays of Lent, follows the practice of the Latin Church for this Saturday: She not only fasts, but even omits the celebration of the Mass of the Presanctified.
Such was the discipline of the Latin Church for nearly a thousand years; but about the eleventh century, an important change began to be introduced with regard to the celebration of Mass on Holy Saturday. The Mass which, hitherto, had been celebrated during the night preceding Easter Sunday, then began to be anticipated on the Saturday; but it was always considered as the Mass for the hour of Our Lord’s Resurrection, and not as the Mass of Holy Saturday. The relaxations that had been introduced with regard to fasting were the occasion of this change in the liturgy. In the first ages, the faithful watched the whole night in the church, awaiting the hour when Our Lord rose triumphant from the tomb. They also assisted at the solemn administration of Baptism to the catechumens, which so sublimely expressed the passing from spiritual death to the life of grace. There was no other Vigil of the whole year so solemnly observed as this: but it lost a great portion of its interest, when the necessity of baptizing adults was reduced by Christianity having triumphed wheresoever it had been preached. The Eastern Church kept up the ancient tradition; but in the West, dating from the eleventh century, the Mass of the Resurrection hour was gradually anticipated, until it was brought even to the morning of Holy Saturday. Durandus of Menda, who wrote his Rational of the Divine Offices towards the close of the thirteenth century, tells us that, in his time, there were very few Churches which observed the primitive custom; and even those soon conformed to the general practice.
As a result of this change, there was an apparent contradiction between the mystery of Holy Saturday and the Divine Service which is celebrated upon it: Christ is still in the tomb, and yet His Resurrection began to be celebrated; the hours preceding the Mass were mournful, yet before midday the paschal joy had broken out, and the Lenten fast was ended. We will give a general view of the solemn Easter Vigil Service; afterwards, we will explain each portion.
In February of 1951, the Holy See under Pope Pius XII issued a decree restoring the Easter Vigil to Holy Saturday night. The decree states that by its gradual removal, in the course of centuries, to Saturday morning, this ancient and most important rite had suffered loss of significance. Furthermore, few of the faithful could attend the Saturday morning service. In response, therefore to petitions from throughout the world, the Holy See determined to permit the celebration of the restored Easter Vigil on an experimental basis. On November 16, 1955, the Restored Order of Holy Week was made permanent. In the remainder of this article, we will give the text of the Restored Easter Vigil, while retaining whatever of Abbot Gueranger’s original commentary is of historical interest.
According to the Decree, “the solemn Easter Vigil is to be celebrated at a suitable hour, namely, one which will permit the solemn Mass of this vigil to begin about midnight between Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday. Where, however, the conditions of the faithful as well as of the place make it fitting in the judgment of the Ordinary to anticipate the hour for celebrating the vigil, this should not begin before twilight, or certainly not before sunset.”
The great object of the whole of the Easter Vigil Service, and the center to which every one of the ceremonies converges, is the Baptism of the catechumens. The faithful must keep this incessantly before them, or they will be at a loss how to understand or profit by this liturgy. First of all, there is the blessing of the New Fire and of the Paschal Candle. After this are read the prophecies which have reference to the mysteries of tonight’s Service. Then comes the blessing of Baptismal water and the font, beginning with the first part of the Litany of the Saints. The matter of Baptism thus prepared, the catechumens receive the Sacrament of regeneration. Even if there are no catechumens, or even no Baptismal font nor a need for Baptismal water, the celebrant nonetheless leads the whole congregation in a renewal of Baptismal vows. The Litany of the Saints is concluded and immediately after, the Holy Sacrifice is celebrated in honor of Our Lord’s Resurrection. Finally the joyous Office of Lauds brings to an end one of the longest and most fatiguing Services in the Latin Liturgy.
At Rome, the Station was at St. John Lateran, the mother and mistress of all churches. The Sacrament of regeneration was administered in the Baptistery of Constantine. The thought of these venerable sanctuaries carries us back in thought to former centuries when, each year, not only was holy Baptism conferred on some adults, but also a numerous Ordination added its own splendor to the sacred pomp of this day, whose liturgy, as we have just said, is the richest of the whole year.
Blessing of the New Fire
In ancient times the Catechumens were given their final instructions on the Wednesday of Holy Week; they were then told to present themselves at the church on Holy Saturday at the Hour of Tierce (that is, about nine in the morning) for their final scrutiny. The Priests were there to receive them; they who had not been previously examined upon the Symbol (the Creed) were then questioned. The Lord’s Prayer and the biblical attributes of the four Evangelists having been explained, one of the Priests dismissed the Candidates for Baptism, bidding them spend the interval in recollection and prayer.
At the hour of None (about three in the afternoon), the Bishop and all the Clergy, vested in violet, would proceed to the church for the beginning of the Easter Vigil. The first ceremony consisted in the blessing of the New Fire, which was to furnish light for the whole Service. It was the daily custom, in the first ages of the Church, to strike a flame from a flint before Vespers; from this the lamps and candles were lit for the celebration of that Hour, and the light thus procured was kept up in the church till the Vespers of the following day. The Church at Rome observed this custom with great solemnity on Maundy Thursday morning, and the New Fire received a special blessing. We learn, from a letter written in the eight century by Pope St. Zachary to St. Boniface the Archbishop of Mainz, that three lamps were lit from this fire, which were then removed to some safe place, and care taken that their light be not extinguished. It was from these lamps that the light for Holy Saturday night was taken. In the following century, under St. Leo IV, whose pontificate lasted from 847 to 855, the custom of every day procuring new fire from a flint was extended also to Holy Saturday.
It is not difficult to understand the meaning of this ceremony, which is no longer observed by the Latin Church except on Holy Saturday. Our Lord said of Himself: “I am the Light of the world” (John 8: 12). Light, then, is an image of the Son of God. Stone, also, is one of the types under which the Scriptures speak to us of the Messias. St. Peter (1 Pet. 2: 6) and St. Paul (Eph. 2: 20), quoting the words of the prophet Isaias (Is. 28: 16), speak of Jesus as the Corner-Stone. The spark which is struck from the flint represents Our Lord rising from His rock-hewn sepulcher, through the stone that had been rolled against it.
It is fitting, therefore, that this fire which is to provide light for the Paschal Candle, as well as for those that are upon the altar, should receive a special blessing, and be triumphantly shown to the faithful. Formerly the faithful used to put out the fires in their houses before going to the church; they lit them, on their return, with light taken from the blessed fire, which they received as a symbol of Our Lord’s Resurrection.
All the lamps in the church were extinguished, which was a symbol of the abrogation of the Old Law, which ended with the rending of the veil of the temple; and that the New Fire represents the preaching of the New Law, whereby Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Light of the world, fulfilled all the figures of the ancient Covenant.
In order to help our readers to enter more fully into the mystery of the ceremony we are describing, we will here mention a miracle which was witnessed for many centuries. The clergy and people of Jerusalem assembled for the service of Easter Eve in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. After waiting for some time in silence, one of the lamps suspended over Our Lord’s tomb was miraculously kindled. The other lamps and torches throughout the church were lit from this, and the faithful took its holy flame with them to their homes. It would seem that this annual miracle first began after the Saracens had taken possession of Jerusalem: God so ordaining, that it might be a proof to these infidels of the divinity of the Christian religion. The historians of those times, who have written upon the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem, all speak of this miracle as of an incontestable fact; and when Pope Urban II went to France, there to preach the First Crusade, he brought forward this miracle as one of the motives which should inspire the faithful with zeal for the defense of the Sepulcher of Christ. When Our Lord, in the unsearchable ways of His justice, permitted Jerusalem to be reconquered by the infidels, the miracle ceased, nor has it ever been witnessed from that time. Our readers have no doubt heard of the scandalous scene, which is now repeated every Holy Saturday in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem (see image above): we allude to the deception practiced by the schismatic priests, whereby they persuade their deluded people that their ingenious trick for lighting a lamp is the continuation of the miracle.
In the Restored Easter Vigil, the Blessing of the New Fire takes place outside the church doors, just within them, or inside the church where the people can better see and follow the sacred rite. Already in Old Testament times, God had chosen fire as a visible sign of His presence—for example, in the burning bush on Mount Sinai, in the pillar of fire going before the Israelites through the desert, in the fire of sacrifice on the altar of the Temple. The kindling of fire from a flint-stone is therefore, a vivid image of Christ’s renewed Presence among men: as the spark leaps from the flint, so He arose from His rock tomb. After the Fire has been struck, it is blessed by the celebrant:
O God, through Thy Son, the true Cornerstone, Thou hast enkindled in the faithful the fire of Thine own brightness. Hallow + now for our use and profit this New Fire struck from stone, and grant us through this Easter feast to be so inflamed with desire for Heaven that we may attain with pure souls to the feast of everlasting brightness. Through the same Christ Our Lord. Amen.
The celebrant sprinkles the New Fire with holy water and incenses it, after charcoal has been lit from the Fire. Now the Paschal Candle is presented to the celebrant to be blessed.
Blessing of the Paschal Candle
The sun has set, and our earth is mantled in darkness. The Church has provided a torch, which is to spread its light upon us during the whole of this long vigil. It is of unusual size. It stands alone, and is of a pillar-like form. It is the symbol of Christ. Before being lit, its scriptural type is the pillar of a cloud, which hid the Israelites when they went out from Egypt; under this form, it is the figure of Our Lord, when lying lifeless in the tomb. When lit, we must see in it both the pillar of fire which guided the people of God, and the glory of our Jesus risen from His grave. Our Holy Mother the Church would have us enthusiastically love this glorious symbol, and speaks its praise to us in all the magnificence of Her inspired eloquence. As early as the fifth century, Pope St. Zosimus extended to all the churches of the city of Rome, the privilege of blessing the Paschal Candle, although Baptism was administered nowhere but in the baptistery of St. John Lateran. The object of this grant was, that all the faithful might share in the holy impressions which so solemn a rite is intended to produce. It was for the same intention that, later, every church, even though it had no baptismal font, was permitted to have the blessing of the Paschal Candle.
An outline of the Cross, together with the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet and the numerals of the current year, is inscribed on the Candle with a stylus, to teach us that the Risen Christ, the Alpha and Omega (our Beginning and End), the Lord of all Ages, should shine in our lives during this coming year of grace. The celebrant first cuts the Sign of the Cross upon the Candle, saying: “Christ yesterday and today, the Beginning and End.” He then cuts the Alpha above the Cross, and Omega below it, saying: “The Alpha and the Omega.” He inscribes the first numeral of the current year in the upper left angle of the Cross, saying: “His are the seasons.” And the second numeral at the upper right, saying: “And the ages.” The third at the lower left, saying: “To Him be gory and dominion.” And the last at the lower right, saying: “Throughout all ages unto eternity. Amen.”
Five grains of incense (symbolizing Christ’s five glorious Wounds, as well as the spices brought to the tomb by St. Mary Magdalene) are now presented to the celebrant. He blesses them, sprinkles them with holy water and incenses them. He then fixes them upon the Cross which he has already cut in the Candle, saying: “(1) By His Holy Wounds, (2) glorious, (3) may He protect us, (4) and preserve us, (5) Christ the Lord. Amen.”
The celebrant now lights the Paschal Candle from the New Fire, saying: “Christ rises resplendent; may His Light dispel from each heart and mind the evil night!”
Finally, he blesses the burning Candle, saying:
We beseech Thee, Almighty God, pour forth Thy abundant + blessing upon this burning Candle. Thou, the Unseen, Who renewest all things, intensify the splendor of this night. May the Candle we offer tonight shine more brightly through the secret addition of Thine own radiance. And wherever a portion of this hallowing mystery of fire shall be carried, may the evil of Satan’s malice and guile be driven out, and the power of Thy majestic glory be made manifest. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen.
The Solemn Procession and Exsultet
Small candles are distributed to the clergy and people, and a procession forms in the back of the church. The deacon, now vested in white, carries the Paschal Candle. The procession advances a few steps, until the Deacon raises the Paschal Candle and sings: “Lumen Christi! (The Light of Christ!)” All turn toward the Candle and genuflect, answering: “Deo gratias.” The celebrant then lights his own candle from the Paschal Candle, and the procession continues. Near the middle of the church, the deacon repeats the Lumen Christi on a higher tone. All genuflect and respond as before; this time the clergy and servers light their candles. In the sanctuary the deacon repeats Lumen Christi in a still higher voice. All genuflect and respond again; the candles of the congregation are then lit, while the deacon fixes the Paschal Candle in its stand and prepares to sing the Exsultet.
The deacon proclaims the Easter solemnity to the people while chanting the praises of the Paschal Candle; and whilst celebrating the glories of Him, Whose emblem it is, he becomes the herald of the Resurrection. The altar, the sanctuary, the other sacred ministers, all are in the somber color of the Lenten rite; the deacon alone is vested in white. At other times, he would not presume to raise his voice as he is now going to do, in the solemn tone of a Preface: but this is the Vigil of the Resurrection; and the deacon, as the interpreters of the liturgy tell us, represents St. Mary Magdalene and the holy women, on whom Our Lord conferred the mission of preaching to the very Apostles that He had risen from the dead, and would meet them in Galilee.
The chant refers to the “wax which the mother bee wrought.” Holy Church sees in the wax produced by worker bees, who are virgin females, a figure of the Body of Christ, born of the Virgin Mary:
Let the angelic choirs of Heaven now rejoice; let the Divine Mysteries rejoice; and let the trumpet of salvation sound forth the victory of so great a King. Let the earth also rejoice, made radiant by such splendor; and, enlightened with the brightness of the Eternal King, let it know that the darkness of the whole world is scattered. Let our Mother the Church also rejoice, adorned with the brightness of so great a Light; and let this temple resound with the loud acclamations of the people. Wherefore I beseech you, most beloved brethren, who are here present in the wondrous brightness of this holy Light, to invoke with me the Mercy of Almighty God, that He Who has deigned to admit me among the Levites (i.e. deacons), without any merits of mine, would pour forth the brightness of His Light upon me, and enable me to perfect the praise of this wax Candle. Through Our Lord Jesus Christ…
The deacon continues the chant in Preface tone:
It is fitting indeed and just, with all our strength of mind and heart, and with our voice as instrument, to praise the invisible Father Almighty, and His Only-begotten Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, Who paid to the Eternal Father, in our stead, the debt of Adam, and by the merciful shedding of His Blood for love of us, blotted out the guilt incurred by Original Sin. For this is the Easter Feast in which the true Lamb is slain, Whose Blood hallows the doorposts of the faithful. This is the night in which Thou of old didst lead our forefathers, the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt to pass through the Red Sea with dry feet. This is the night which scattered the darkness of sin by means of the pillar of fire. This is the night which at this time, throughout the world, restores to grace and unites in sanctity those who believe in Christ, and are separated from the vices of the world and the darkness of sinners. This is the night in which Christ burst the bonds of death and came forth as Conqueror from the grave. For unless we had been redeemed, it would avail us nothing to be born. O wondrous condescension of Thy mercy toward us! O incomprehensible goodness of love: to redeem a slave Thou didst deliver up a Son! O truly necessary sin of Adam, which the Death of Christ has blotted out! O happy fault, that merited a Redeemer so holy and so great! O truly blessed night, which alone merited to know the time and hour when Christ rose from the dead! This is the night of which it is written: “The night shall be light as the day,” and: “Then shall my night be turned to day, in my rejoicing.” For the holiness of this night drives out wickedness and washes away guilt; it restores innocence to the fallen and joy to the sorrowful. It banishes enmities, establishes peace, and brings low the pride of vain man.
Wherefore, in this sacred night, receive, O Holy Father, this evening sacrifice of incense; Holy Church, by the hands of Thy ministers, offers it to Thee in the solemn oblation of this Candle wrought by the labor of bees. For now we have heard the praises of this column of wax which the sparkling fire lights to the honor of God. And though the fire was spread to kindle other flames, such sharing does not lessen the force of its light. For it is constantly fed by the melting wax which the mother bee wrought to form this precious Candle. O truly blessed night, when Egypt was plundered and the Hebrews enriched. O night, when Heaven is wedded to earth, and God to man.
We beseech Thee, therefore, O Lord: may this Candle, consecrated to Thine honor, continue with undiminished light to dispel this night’s darkness. Receive it as a fragrant and pleasing offering, and let its light mingle with the lamps of Heaven. May the Morning Star behold its flame—that Morning Star Who knows no setting: He Who upon returning from the grave, serenely shone forth upon mankind. In this festival of Easter joys, we beseech Thee, therefore, O Lord, for ourselves, Thy servants, for all the clergy and Thy most devoted people, together with (our most blessed Pope N. and) our Bishop N.: grant peace to our days: guide, rule over, and protect us by Thy constant care. Look with favor, too, upon our rulers. Assist them with Thy boundless love, and gracious mercy; direct their hearts toward justice and peace, that after this life of earthly labors they may attain, together with all Thy people, to the heavenly fatherland. Through the same Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Our Lord…
Here the deacon takes off the white dalmatic, vests in violet, and returns to the celebrant. Then begin the Old Testament prophecies.
It is fitting indeed and just, with all our strength of mind and heart, and with our voice as instrument, to praise the invisible Father Almighty, and His Only-begotten Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, Who paid to the Eternal Father, in our stead, the debt of Adam, and by the merciful shedding of His Blood for love of us, blotted out the guilt incurred by Original Sin. For this is the Easter Feast in which the true Lamb is slain, Whose Blood hallows the doorposts of the faithful. This is the night in which Thou of old didst lead our forefathers, the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt to pass through the Red Sea with dry feet. This is the night which scattered the darkness of sin by means of the pillar of fire. This is the night which at this time, throughout the world, restores to grace and unites in sanctity those who believe in Christ, and are separated from the vices of the world and the darkness of sinners. This is the night in which Christ burst the bonds of death and came forth as Conqueror from the grave. For unless we had been redeemed, it would avail us nothing to be born. O wondrous condescension of Thy mercy toward us! O incomprehensible goodness of love: to redeem a slave Thou didst deliver up a Son! O truly necessary sin of Adam, which the Death of Christ has blotted out! O happy fault, that merited a Redeemer so holy and so great! O truly blessed night, which alone merited to know the time and hour when Christ rose from the dead! This is the night of which it is written: “The night shall be light as the day,” and: “Then shall my night be turned to day, in my rejoicing.” For the holiness of this night drives out wickedness and washes away guilt; it restores innocence to the fallen and joy to the sorrowful. It banishes enmities, establishes peace, and brings low the pride of vain man.
Wherefore, in this sacred night, receive, O Holy Father, this evening sacrifice of incense; Holy Church, by the hands of Thy ministers, offers it to Thee in the solemn oblation of this Candle wrought by the labor of bees. For now we have heard the praises of this column of wax which the sparkling fire lights to the honor of God. And though the fire was spread to kindle other flames, such sharing does not lessen the force of its light. For it is constantly fed by the melting wax which the mother bee wrought to form this precious Candle. O truly blessed night, when Egypt was plundered and the Hebrews enriched. O night, when Heaven is wedded to earth, and God to man.
We beseech Thee, therefore, O Lord: may this Candle, consecrated to Thine honor, continue with undiminished light to dispel this night’s darkness. Receive it as a fragrant and pleasing offering, and let its light mingle with the lamps of Heaven. May the Morning Star behold its flame—that Morning Star Who knows no setting: He Who upon returning from the grave, serenely shone forth upon mankind. In this festival of Easter joys, we beseech Thee, therefore, O Lord, for ourselves, Thy servants, for all the clergy and Thy most devoted people, together with (our most blessed Pope N. and) our Bishop N.: grant peace to our days: guide, rule over, and protect us by Thy constant care. Look with favor, too, upon our rulers. Assist them with Thy boundless love, and gracious mercy; direct their hearts toward justice and peace, that after this life of earthly labors they may attain, together with all Thy people, to the heavenly fatherland. Through the same Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Our Lord…
Here the deacon takes off the white dalmatic, vests in violet, and returns to the celebrant. Then begin the Old Testament prophecies.
The torch of the Resurrection now sheds its light throughout the holy place, and gladdens the hearts of the faithful. In ancient times, the preparatory ceremonies for Baptism were now begun. They occupied a considerable portion of time, especially when there were a great number of aspirants to Baptism. It is for this reason that the bishop would come to the church at the hour of None (about three in the afternoon), and that the great Vigil began so early. Whilst these rites were being administered to the catechumens, the rest of the faithful would listen to appropriate passages from the Scriptures, which were read from the ambo, and which were the complement to the Lenten instructions.
These lessons were twelve in number; but in the Lateran Basilica, we may say there were twenty-four, since each was read in Latin first, then in Greek. To each was added a prayer, which summed up the doctrine expressed in the preceding prophecy. To some of them was added an appropriate canticle from the Old Testament, and was sung by the whole assembly to the well know melody of the Tract. The catechumens, when their preliminary ceremonies were finished, were allowed to enter the church, where, in the place assigned to them, they would listen to the Lessons, and join in the prayers. How could they better continue their preparation for the great Sacrament? And yet, there is an aspect of mournfulness about this portion of the Service, as the longed-for hour had not yet come. Frequent genuflections and the somber-colored vestments strongly contrast with the beautiful flame of the Paschal Candle. The hearts of the faithful would still be throbbing with the emotions excited within them by the Exsultet; they were impatient to see their Jesus’ Resurrection fulfilled in the Baptism of the catechumens.
In the restored Easter Vigil, the preliminary ceremonies are performed at an earlier hour, if there be any candidates for Baptism during the nocturnal Liturgy. The number of Lessons is reduced to four:
The First Lesson is the Creation account of Genesis (1: 1—2: 2), in which we see an image of the “new creation,” which Jesus Christ wrought in us through Baptism. The Father made, the Son re-made; the Father created, the Son redeemed.
The Second Lesson is the account from Exodus (14: 24—15: 1) of the destruction of the army of the Egyptians by the waters of Red Sea. The Exodus from the slavery of Egypt and the crossing of the Red Sea foreshadowed the deliverance of mankind from the bondage of sin, and its attaining freedom by passing through the waters of Baptism. And as the pillar of fire later on led the Israelites safely through the desert, so our risen Light, Christ, leads us through the darkness of earthly life into the brightness of grace and glory.
In the Third Lesson the Prophet Isaias (4: 2-6) looks forward to the holy and purified state of the new Chosen People after the judgment of God would cleanse away current wickedness and the Messias had come. For us, it amounts to an exhortation to lead holy lives as a result of our Baptism, especially since we enjoy the loving and powerful protection of Our Lord Jesus Christ.
The Fourth Lesson from Deuteronomy (31: 22-30) recalls the admonition of Moses to the Chosen People and a prophecy of their infidelity: “…For I know that after my death you are sure to become corrupt…” We are reminded that even the elect of God may fall; nor are we secure without our earnest collaboration with God’s grace. The warning God here utters to the Chosen People of old, is meant also for us.
First Part of the Litany of the Saints
In ancient times the Litany of the Saints was not chanted until after the Baptisms. It served as an interval while the clergy vested for Mass and other preparations were made for the Holy Sacrifice. The chanters would repeat each invocation three times. In the restored Easter Vigil, the Litany is abbreviated and divided into two parts. The first part—the actual invocation of the Saints—is chanted now, as a preparation for the Baptismal service.
Blessing of the Baptismal Water (and Font)
The blessing of water for Baptism is of apostolic institution, as we learn from many of the holy fathers, among whom we may mention St. Cyprian, St. Ambrose, St. Cyril of Jerusalem, and St. Basil. It is just, that the instrument of so divine a work should receive every mark of honor, that could secure to it the respect of mankind: and, after all, does not this honor and respect redound to God, Who chose this creature to be, as it were, the co-operator of His mercies to us? It is from water that we came forth Christians. The early fathers allude to this, when they call Christians the flesh of Christ. We cannot be surprised, after this, that the sight of the element that gave us our spiritual life should excite us to joy, or that we should pay to this element an honor, which is referred to the Author of all the graces about to be bestowed.
The prayer used by the celebrant for blessing the water is so full of elevation of thought, energy of diction, and authority of doctrine, that we may, without hesitation, attribute it to the earliest ages of the Church. The ceremonies which accompany it bespeak its venerable antiquity. It is sung to the solemn tone of the Preface, which imparts such a lyric effect. The celebrant first recites a preliminary prayer, and then begins his magnificent blessing. He is filled with the holy enthusiasm of the Church. He turns to the faithful, and they respond. He is going to lead them to such grand mysteries: Sursum corda!
Almighty and everlasting God, be present in these mysteries of Thy great love; be pleased to act in these Thy Sacraments. Send forth the Spirit of adoption to re-create a new race of those whom the font of Baptism will bear to Thee. Thus what we perform by our humble ministry will be made effective by Thy power. Through Our Lord Jesus Christ Thy Son…
He continues in Preface tone:
It is fitting indeed and just, right and helpful to salvation, for us always and everywhere to give thanks, O holy Lord, Father Almighty, Everlasting God, Who by Thy invisible power dost wonderfully produce such mysteries, yet Thou dost assist with Thy presence the gifts of Thy grace and dost incline the ears of Thy mercy even to our prayers.
O God, even at the beginning of the world, Thy Spirit moved over the water that it may conceive the power of sanctifying. Through water, O God, Thou didst wash away the crimes of the guilty world, and by the pouring out of the deluge didst give a prefigurement of the means of regeneration: that one and the same element might work mysteriously both the death of vice and a new beginning of virtue. O Lord, look upon the face of Thy Church, and multiply in Her Thine acts of regeneration; Thou Who by the torrent of Thy grace fillest Thy holy city with joy, opening the font of Baptism over all the earth for the renewal of mankind; by the command of Thy Majesty may She receive from the Holy Ghost the grace of Thine Only-begotten Son.
Here the celebrant pauses a moment, and putting his hand into the water divides it in the form of a Cross, to signify that it is by the Cross that this element receives the power of regenerating the souls of men. This wonderful power had been promised to water; but the promise was not fulfilled until Christ had shed His Blood upon the Cross. It is this Blood which operates by the water on the souls of men; and with the action of this Precious Blood is joined that of the Holy Ghost, as the celebrant tells us in this prayer, which he thus continues:
May the Holy Ghost impregnate this water, prepared for the rebirth of men, by the secret infusion of His Divine Power, that there may be reborn from the stainless womb of this divine font a new creation conceived in holiness, the children of Heaven. May they all, though differing in age and gender, be alike brought forth as infants by grace, their mother. Therefore, may every unclean spirit, at Thy command, O Lord, depart from hence; may the whole malice of diabolical deceit be entirely banished. Let no infection of the power of the enemy prevail here. Let him not encircle it with his snares, nor enter it by stealth, nor taint it with corruption.
After having thus besought God to protect the water of the font from the influence which Satan seeks to exercise over every creature, the celebrant puts his hand into it. The august character of a bishop or priest is a source of sanctification; the mere contact of his consecrated hand produces a salutary effect, as often as he acts in virtue of the priesthood of Christ, which dwells within him:
May this, Thy creature, O Lord, be holy and innocent, free from every assault of the enemy, and purified by the destruction of all his wickedness. May it be a living fountain, a water that regenerates, a purifying stream: that all who are to be washed in this saving bath may receive within them, by the operation of the Holy Ghost, the grace of a perfect cleansing of their sins.
While pronouncing the following words, the celebrant blesses the water, thrice making over it the Sign of the Cross in honor of the Holy Trinity, in Whose Name men are baptized:
Wherefore, O creature of water, I bless thee by the living † God, by the true † God, by the holy † God, by that God Whose Word in the beginning separated thee from the dry land, and Whose Spirit moved over thee.
Here he parts the water and sprinkles some toward the four corners of the earth, making an allusion to the four rivers of Paradise, and reminding us of Christ’s command that all believers are to be baptized:
Who made thee flow forth from the fountain of Paradise, commanding thee to water the whole earth with thy four rivers. Who in the desert changed thy bitterness into sweetness, and made thee fit to drink; and Who brought thee forth from the rock to quench His people’s thirst.
I bless † thee likewise through Jesus Christ His Only Son, Our Lord, Who in Cana of Galilee changed thee into wine by a wonderful miracle. Who walked with His Feet upon thee, and was baptized in thee by John in the Jordan. Who made thee flow forth from His side with His Blood, and Who commanded His disciples that such as believed should be baptized in thee, saying: “Go, teach all nations, baptizing them in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.”
The celebrant interrupts the chant and recites:
Do Thou, Almighty and merciful God, while we are now fulfilling this command, be present with us; graciously send forth Thine Own Breath.
Christ conferred the Holy Ghost upon His Apostles by “breathing” on them. The same sanctifying Spirit is, therefore, here signified. The Holy Ghost is called Spirit, which means a breath—He is the Divine Breathing, that mighty Wind, which was heard in the Cenacle. The celebrant accordingly breathes upon the water in the Sign of the Cross three times and says:
Bless this clear water with Thy Breath, O Lord, that besides its natural power of cleansing bodies, it may also prove efficacious for the purification of the souls of men.
The deacon brings the Paschal Candle from its stand to the celebrant, who lowers it into the water three times, to a lower depth each time, while singing, each time in a higher pitch. This is the most solemn rite of the blessing. It signifies the mystery of Christ’s baptism in the Jordan, whereby the element of water received the pledge of its future sanctifying power. The Son of God went down into the stream, and the Holy Ghost came upon Him in the form of a Dove. But now, it is something more than a promise—the water receives the reality, the virtue; and it receives it by the action of these two Divine Persons. While the Candle symbolizes the Sacred Body of Christ, its flame symbolizes the celestial Dove hovering over Him:
May the power of the Holy Ghost descend into all the water of this font.
With the Candle still immersed deeply in the water, the celebrant leans forward over the font: and that he may signify the union of the power of the Holy Ghost with that of Christ, he breathes again upon the water—this time, not in the form of a Cross, but in that of the Greek letter Ψ, which is the initial of the Greek word for Spirit. The upslanting arms of this letter also signify the “Tree of Life.” This done, he resumes his prayer by the following words:
And may He make the whole substance of this water fruitful and capable of regenerating.
The Paschal Candle is now raised up out of the water, and replaced in its stand by the deacon. The celebrant continues:
Here may every stain of sin be washed away; here may human nature, created to Thine image, and reformed to the honor of its origin, be cleansed from the filth of its old state; that every man who enters this Sacrament of regeneration be born again to a new infancy of true innocence.
He concludes without chant:
Through Our Lord Jesus Christ Thy Son: Who will come to judge the living and the dead, and the world by fire. R. Amen.
Some of the blessed Easter water is now set aside with which to sprinkle the people after the renewal of their baptismal vows, and for the sprinkling of homes and other places.
But the Church is not satisfied with having given Her blessing to the water. On Holy Thursday, She was put in possession of the graces of the Holy Ghost by receiving the Holy Oils: She now mingles a portion of these with the water. The faithful—seeing how every symbol expressive of divine adoption is made to bear upon the Baptismal Water, whence men receive salvation—will learn what is the reverence they should have for it. The celebrant, taking the Oil of Catechumens, pours some upon the water in the Sign of the Cross, saying:
May this font be sanctified and made fruitful by the oil of salvation, for such as are reborn from it unto life everlasting. R. Amen.
He then pours out a portion of the Holy Chrism—the most sacred Oil the Church possesses—in the Sign of the Cross, saying:
May the infusion of the Chrism of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Holy Ghost the Paraclete, be made in the Name of the Holy Trinity. R. Amen.
He then pours both Oils together, making the Sign of the Cross thrice and saying:
May this mingling of the Chrism of salvation, and of the Oil of Unction, and of the water of Baptism, be made in the Name of the † Father, and of the † Son, and of the Holy † Ghost. R. Amen.
The Oils are now mixed with the water, that thus every portion of it may come into contact with this additional source of sanctification. The Holy Oils likewise symbolize the Holy Ghost—the “Anointer”—with Whose “unction” we are filled at Baptism. Pouring the Holy Oils into the water therefore signifies a fullness of His sanctifying power communicated to the Baptismal Water.
If there are any Catechumens to be Baptized, the celebrant resumes white vestments and confers this Sacrament. By Baptism each of us has entered the great Paschal Mystery—Christ’s Death and Resurrection became our death to sin and rising to a new life of grace. By assisting at the Baptism of new members of Christ’s One, True, Catholic Church, we realize anew how great is the gift of our own re-birth, and we welcome the new members as our true brothers and sisters in Christ.
If the Church has a Baptismal Font, the newly blessed Baptismal Water is carried to it in a solemn procession. Having poured the Baptismal Water into the Font, the celebrant prays:
Almighty and everlasting God, look graciously upon the devotion of Thy people who are to be born anew. Like the deer they have sought the fountain of Thy living water. Mercifully grant that their thirsting faith may, through the mystery of Baptism, sanctify both soul and body. Through Our Lord…
The font is incensed, and the procession returns.
Renewal of Baptismal Promises
Although this ceremony was not formerly part of the official Easter Vigil Liturgy, the practice is of ancient origin. The Council of Sens, held in Paris in the year 829 and convoked by King Louis the Pious to remedy the disorders of Christians, which were widespread at that time, judged that the principle cause of the corruption of morals was the forgetfulness or ignorance of the vows of Baptism; and it could find no better remedy for so great an evil than to order Christians to renew their Baptismal promises.
In churches having no Baptismal font, the above ceremonies of the Blessing of Baptismal water may be omitted. However the Renewal of Baptism Promises always takes place—if need be, the people will be sprinkled with ordinary blessed water.
If the Sacrament of Baptism has not been conferred, the celebrant exchanges his violet vestments for white at this time. The ceremony begins with the celebrant incensing the Paschal Candle, while the candles of the congregation are relit from its flame.
The celebrant then faces the people and admonishes them:
My dear brethren, in this most sacred night Holy Mother Church commemorates the death and burial of Our Lord Jesus Christ. In return for His great love, She lovingly keeps watch with Him. And looking forward to His glorious Resurrection, She rejoices with an exceeding joy.
But, as the Apostle teaches us, we have by Baptism been buried with Christ unto death. As Christ, then, has risen from the dead, so we too must walk now in newness of life. For we know that our old self has been crucified with Christ, that we may no longer be slaves to sin. Let us remember always that we have died to sin and to the world, but we are to live for God, in Christ Jesus Our Lord.
Therefore, beloved brethren, having completed the Lenten observance, let us now proceed to renew the promises of our holy Baptism. By these promises we once renounced Satan and all his works, as well as that world which is the enemy of God; we vowed, furthermore, to serve God faithfully in His One, True, Holy, Catholic Church. And therefore, I ask you once again:
Celebrant: Do you renounce Satan? All: We do renounce him.
Celebrant: And all his works? All: We do renounce them.
Celebrant: And all his pomps? All: We do renounce them.
Celebrant: Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth? All: We do believe.
Celebrant: Do you believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, Our Lord, Who was born into this world and Who suffered for us? All: We do believe.
Celebrant: And do you believe in the Holy Ghost, the Holy Catholic Church, the Communion of Saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting? All: We do believe.
Celebrant: Let us now together pray to God, as Our Lord Jesus Christ has taught us: All: Our Father, Who art in Heaven…
Celebrant: And may Almighty God, the Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, Who caused us to be born anew by water and the Holy Ghost, and Who granted us remission of sins, keep us by His grace unto everlasting life, in the same Jesus Christ, Our Lord. All: Amen.
The people are now sprinkled with the Easter water, as a reminder of their own Baptism. They should, accordingly, receive it with sincere sorrow for their past sins, and a firm determination to live in the future as re-born children of God and faithful members of His Holy Church. After the aspersion, the people again extinguish their candles.
In preparation for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, the Litany of the Saints is now concluded.
Solemn Mass of the Easter Vigil
The solemn Litany is drawing to its end, and the choir has already begun its closing invocation—Kyrie eleison!—which is also the beginning of this Mass. The celebrant comes forth from the sacristy with all the pomp that marks the principal feasts of the Church, and then, ascending the altar, he offers the homage of incense to the Most High. Hence, an Introit, which on other occasions is sung by the choir during the procession from the sacristy to the altar, is not needed.
The morning star has blended its rays with those of our Paschal Candle, just as the deacon prayed might be; but now, the morning star itself begins to pale, for the star of day—the figure of our Jesus, the Sun of Justice—is soon to rise.
The censing of the altar is finished; and then—Oh glorious triumph of our risen Jesus!—the celebrant sings forth, in a transport of joy: Gloria in excelsis Deo! The hitherto silent bells peal to the glad angelic hymn, whilst the purple coverings are removed from the images and the altars are decked with flowers and candles. The enthusiasm of our Holy Faith has mastered every heart, making it beat with emotion. The choir takes up the heavenly canticle, and continues it to the end. The celebrant then sings this prayer for the newly baptized throughout the world:
O God, Who dost illumine this most holy night by the glory of the Lord’s Resurrection, preserve in the new children of Thy family the spirit of adoption which Thou has given; that renewed in body and mind, they may render to Thee a pure service. Through the same Our Lord Jesus Christ…
The Epistle is from St. Paul to the Colossians:
Brethren: If you have risen with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Mind the things that are above, not the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, your life, shall appear, then you too will appear with Him in glory.
After this, the souls of the faithful—yea, the very walls of the church—echo with the joyful tidings—Alleluia!—which the celebrant, filled with holy ardor, intones to the well-known melody. The choir repeats it after him. Thrice—each time on a higher note and with an increase of joy—the heavenly word is interchanged between the celebrant and choir. At this moment all mournfulness is at an end. One feels that God has accepted the expiatory works of our Lent; and that, by the merits of His Son now risen from the grave, He pardons our earth, since He permits us to hear once more the song of Heaven.
But something is still wanting to the joy of our Easter. Jesus has risen from the tomb; but, so far, He has not shown Himself to all. His Blessed Mother, St. Mary Magdalene, and the other holy women, are the only ones who have as yet seen Him; it is not until the evening that He will appear to His Apostles. We have only just begun the day. Therefore it is that the Church once more offers Her praise to Her God, under the Lenten formula of the Tract. Likewise, no additional torches accompany the Gospel, which is St. Matthew’s account of the Resurrection; the book, however, is incensed. Here again we have an allusion to the events which took place on this great morning—the women went to the sepulcher carrying sweet spices with them, but the light of faith in the Resurrection was not as yet in their hearts:
Now late in the night of the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the sepulcher. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord came down from Heaven, and drawing near rolled back the stone, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment like snow. And for fear of him the guards were terrified, and became like dead men. But the angel spoke and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus, Who was crucified. He is not here, for He has risen even as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord was laid. And go quickly, tell His disciples that He has risen, and behold, He goes before you into Galilee; there you shall see him. Behold, I have foretold it to you.”
The celebrant does not intone the glorious profession of Faith: it is reserved for the second Mass, which is to be celebrated later in the day. By this omission of the Creed, the Church would remind us of the hours which elapsed before the Apostles, who were to preach to the world the mystery of the Resurrection, had themselves honored it by their faith.
The Offertory verse is also omitted; the celebrant begins to offer the bread and wine to be used in the Sacrifice, immediately after the Dominus vobiscum. This omission is also of ancient origin, when the Offertory verse accompanied a lengthy procession. To shorten the already long ceremonies, the procession also was omitted. Also omitted are the Kiss of Peace (which is accompanied by the words, “Peace be to thee!”) and the Agnus Dei (which ends with, “Give us peace.”) It was not till the evening of the day of His Resurrection, that Jesus spoke the words, “Peace be to thee!” to His disciples. Holy Church, reverencing as She does every detail of Her Jesus’ life, loves to imitate them in Her own practice, and thus omits these words from this Mass.
In ancient times, the newly baptized would receive also, before the Mass began, the Sacrament of Confirmation—if they were adults and if a Bishop were present. At the Vigil Mass they would all make their First Holy Communion—even the newly baptized infants. The deacon would dip his finger into the Chalice, and then put it into their innocent mouths. Afterwards, to signify that they were all now, by their Baptism, those new-born babes of whom St. Peter speaks (1 Peter 2: 2), they would receive a little milk and honey—it was also an allusion to the promised land of Heaven, now opened to them.
Lauds
In consequence of the service being so long, the Church makes these Lauds as short as possible, and gives them a joyous character, in keeping with the return of the Alleluia. They are drawn up so as to form parts of the Mass—the Communion verse and Postcommunion oration:
Ant. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia. Ps. 150: Praise the Lord in His sanctuary; praise Him in the firmament of His power…
Ant. Bened. Now very early in the morning of the first day of the week, when the sun had just risen, they came to the sepulcher. Alleluia.
The celebrant incenses the altar for the last time while the choir chants the Benedictus. The Antiphon is repeated and the celebrant sings the Postcommunion oration:
Pour forth upon us, O Lord, the spirit of Thy love, that those whom Thou hast nourished with the Easter Sacraments, may by Thy goodness, be of one mind and heart. Through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son…
The deacon sings the Ite Missa Est as usual, adding a double Alleluia! The same will be done throughout the Easter Octave.
Instructions for Holy Saturday
by Leonard Goffine, 1871
Why is this day called Holy Saturday?
Because on this day Jesus, the Holy of Holiest, through whom we also should become holy, rested in the sepulchre, and because the Church to-day receives the blessed baptismal water, by which the unbaptized is born again to a new, holy life, which is also indicated by the blessed fire and the Easter-Candle.
Why is new fire struck from a flint, blessed, and the lamps and candles in the Church lighted from it?
In old times it was customary to strike a new fire, bless it, and light the candles by it every day, and later every Saturday; it is said, that in the eleventh century this ceremony was restricted to Holy Saturday. The fire is struck from a stone to indicate, that Christ is the light of the world, and the stone which the Jews rejected, has now become the corner stone of His Church (Ps. cxvii. 22.); that the divine Son, the light of the world, was apparently extinguished at His death, but at His resurrection shone anew; that all those who in Church to-day are physically lighted by this fire, may one day be filled anew, in the future life, with spiritual light. This fire is blessed, because the Church blesses every thing that is used in her service in Church, and because the light and fire used in Church must be holy, for they represent Christ, who brought the fire of love upon earth with which to enkindle our hearts. (Luke xii. 49.)
What is represented by the triple candlestick?
The triple candlestick represents the most Holy Trinity of which the second Divine Person came down to earth as the true light. For this reason the priest (or deacon), sings three times at the lighting of each candle: Lumen Christi, “Light of Christ,” and kneeling three times humbly adores the Triune Deity, and especially the true divine light of Christ for which he says Deo gratias, “Thanks be to God”.
What is the Easter-Candle?
It is an emblem of Christ, who has risen from death, of whom the pillar of fire which led the children of Israel out of the bondage of Egypt, was a prototype, as Christ, the true light, has led us from the bondage of Satan into the freedom of the children of God. The five holes in the candle represent the five wounds of Jesus by which mankind was healed (i. Pet. ii. 24.), and the five grains of frankincense signify the spices with which the body of our Lord was embalmed.
Why are the Easter-Candle and all the others lighted from the triple candle?
To show that Christ was begotten by the Father of light from all eternity, and is therefore true God from true God, light from light–that from God, through Christ, He being the light of the world, comes all man’s enlightenment, and is diffused by the grace of God over all. (ii. Cor. iv. 6.)
To what do the twelve lessons, sung after the blessing of the baptismal water, all point?
They point to the baptism in which we are born again to a new life.
Why is the baptismal water blessed with so many ceremonies, and what is its signification?
The baptismal water signifies the blood of Christ by which our souls are purified, and in which the devil is drowned as Pharao in the Red Sea, and is blessed with so many ceremonies, that the different effects of baptism may be known, and that this holy Sacrament may be administered and received with the more reverence, devotion, and sanctity.
What is the meaning of these ceremonies?
The priest with his hand parts the water into the form of a cross, to illustrate that God gives the secret virtue to this water, through Christ who died on the cross, of changing all those born in original sin into holy people. He touches the surface of the water with the palm of his hand, to show that the Holy Ghost is over this water as at the creation, and bestows many graces on those who are baptized. He blesses it, signing it three times with the sign of the cross, because the water receives its sin-cleansing power only through the sufferings and the merits of Christ, from the Father, by the cooperation of the Holy Ghost. The baptismal water is thrown by the priest towards the four parts of the earth, because the grace of baptism should reach all nations. The priest breathes on the water three times in the form of a cross: the Creator breathed upon the first man, and breathed into him the breath of life, Christ breathed upon the apostles the Holy Ghost who by His grace and power revives and sanctifies those who are baptized. The Easter-Candle (emblem of Christ, risen from the dead), is dipped three times, and each time deeper into the water, to show that the baptized should become more and more enlightened through the light of Christ’s doctrine, more and more penetrated by its divinity, more and more purified from sin. The people are sprinkled with this water to remind all those present who have received sanctification in baptism, and have lost it by sin, that they should strive by tears of repentance to regain it. Finally, oil and chrism are mixed in the water as a sign that the grace of the Holy Ghost which is represented by the oil and chrism, is given in its fulness to the water; and also, that the baptized should, after baptism, devote themselves exclusively to the service of Christ, the Anointed One, and unite themselves in love to Him.
Why is the baptismal water blessed only on this day and on the Saturday before Pentecost?
Because in early times adults and neophytes were baptized only on these days; and because the Saviour, risen, is the example of a soul sanctified by baptism and by the Holy Ghost, the Author of all sanctity and the true fountain of the grace of baptism.
How should we assist at the blessing of the baptismal water?
With sentiments of sincere gratitude for having been given the holy grace of baptism; with the firm resolution of preserving our baptismal innocence, or if we have lost it, of obtaining it again by penance. We should renew our baptismal vows on this day especially, first by saying the apostle’s creed, making acts of faith, hope, and love, and an act of contrition, and then saying with heart and lips: I renounce the devil, all his pride, and all his suggestions.”
Why does the priest prostrate himself after blessing the baptismal water, rising again when the litany of the saints has been sung?
To most humbly ask God, by the intercession of the saints, that He would give to all men without exception the grace of baptism, that as all men have been dead and buried in sin, so they may rise with Christ as new creatures to grace and eternal life.
Why are the altars redecorated on this day?
Because the Church, the beloved bride of Christ, desires to announce in advance to her children the glad tidings, that the Lord has risen from the dead: she decorates herself therefore, and causes the bells to peal and joyous hymns to resound. It also refers to Christ, at His resurrection, having adorned Himself with a glorious, incorruptible body.
Why is there no Introit in this day’s Mass?
The Introit of Mass was formerly an entire psalm, sung while the people were assembling in Church; but as in early times the people on Easter were already assembled and assisting at the ceremonies, no Introit was sung at the Vigil Mass, as to-day, although Mass is now said in the morning, the Church having abolished the night vigils, on account of abuses. PRAYER OF THE CHURCH. O God, who enlightenest this most sacred night by the glory of the resurrection of the Lord; preserve in the new offspring of Thy family the spirit of adoption Thou hast given them; that being renewed in body and soul, they may serve Thee with purity of heart. Throught etc.
EPISTLE. (Colos. iii. 1-4.) Brethren: If you be risen with Christ, seek the things that are above; where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God: mind the things that are above, not the things that are upon the earth. For you are dead; and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ shall appear, who is your life; then you also shall appear with him in glory. Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia. EXPLANATION. St. Paul places Christ’s resurrection before us as the example and motive of the spiritual resurrection from sin, which should be effected in us by the holy Sacraments at Easter time.–With Christ we should die to the world, and live hidden in Him, if we desire to rise at the Last Day with Him in glory and be acknowledged before all men by Him as His own.
After the epistle the priest says three times: Alleluia! as a joyful exclamation over the Redeemer’s triumphant victory.
GOSPEL. (Matt, xxxviii. 1-7.) In the end of the Sabbath, when it began to dawn towards the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalen and the other Mary to the sepulchre. And behold, there was a great earthquake. For an angel of the Lord descended from heaven; and coming, rolled back the stone, and sat upon it: and his countenance was as lightning, and his raiment as snow. And for fear of him, the guards were struck with terror, and became as dead men. And the angel answering, said to the women: Fear not you; for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he is risen as he said. Come, and see the place where the Lord was laid. And going quickly, tell ye his disciples that he is risen: and behold, he will go before you into Galilee: there you shall see him. Lo, I have foretold it to you.
What are we to learn from this gospel?
That we, too, will receive the plenitude of divine grace and heavenly blessings, if like these pious women we seek Christ early, that is, by making a good intention before we begin our work.
Why is there no Credo or Agnus Dei said, nor the kiss of peace given, and short vespers said after communion?
Formerly, and in Rome even now, the Credo or confession of faith is said by the newly baptized, the Agnus Dei was sung in the litany of the saints, and these are therefore omitted in the Mass. The kiss of peace is not given, because Christ has not yet said to His disciples, Peace be with you. Short vespers are said after the priest’s communion, because this day is a type of the eternal Sabbath in heaven which has no vespers, that is, evening.
Do not omit to-day to once more visit the holy sepulchre, to adore Christ in the Blessed Sacrament, to thank Him for His passion and death, and to honor His sorrowful mother. If in the evening the solemn ceremonies of the resurrection are held, assist at them and there make the repeated resolution to rise from the sleep of sin and begin a new life with Christ.
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Riding On Ch3: What Happens In Vegas...
Summary: We catch up with what Fliss got up to whilst Frank was living it up in Vegas, before they both face up to the events of the weekend, because this time what happened in Vegas certainly doesn’t stay there…
Warnings: Bad Language words.
Pairing: Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher
A/N: Imma still running from @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and I won’t be stopping at the end of this either…As always, thanks to my unofficial beta @icanfeelastormbrewing for the usual inputs and opinions. J Chapter Song: Trouble Loves Me by Morrissey
Series Materlist // WIYPT Masterlist
Just when it seems like everything’s evened out, and the balance seems serene, see the fool I’ll be, still running ‘round on the flesh rampage
“Hey!” Fliss greeted Bonnie as she walked over to where the woman was supervising the after school club.
“Hiya!” Bonnie smiled “You heard from Frank today?”
“Yeah, before.” Fliss smiled, before she looked and Bonnie “I gotta say, that video of Simon…”
“He’s an idiot.” Bonnie shook her head “Punching his own reflection…I mean…”
“I’m not gonna lie, it’s probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages.” Fliss giggled and Bonnie snorted, shaking her head again. At that point Mary came running over, her cheeks pink
“Hey Lissy.” “Hey sweetheart, you ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, because I got a surprise for you!”
“Me?”
“Yup!”
“Where is it?”
“We gotta go pick it up.”
“Oh, ok…bye Miss Stevenson!”
“See you Mary!” Bonnie smiled as she started to head off to Fliss’ car “Hey, give me a call…we can do lunch Sunday before the boys get back.”
“Sure.” Fliss nodded. “I’ll text you.”
With a final goodbye she headed after Mary and climbed into the driver’s side.
“Where’s Thor?” Mary asked.
“He’s at Mum and Dad’s with Rupert and Fred.” she said, “I thought after our surprise we could stay there for the weekend, use the pool and the Cinema Room…”
“Ok…” Mary looked at her suspiciously.
“I promise you’re gonna like it!”
“Just tell me.” Mary looked at her as Fliss set off driving.
“Sure you wanna know?”
“You’re as bad as Frank.” The girl rolled her eyes and Fliss laughed.
“We’re going to pick Steve up from the airport.”
Mary’s face split into a huge grin, it was a well-known fact that besides Bill, Fliss’ brother was basically her favourite person that wasn’t Frank on the planet.
“Uncle Steeby is coming to stay?” she looked at Fliss.
“Yup for a whole month. He has some work in Orlando and Tampa so he’s gonna be staying in town for a while, and then in Easter Sian and the twins are flying over.”
“Oh man!” Mary grinned, laying her head back on the seat “This is great!”
Mary’s excitement seemed to increase the nearer they got to the Airport, and Fliss had to practically hold her down in the seat as she parked the car, telling her to wait a second. Once she’d managed to park they headed into the arrivals lounge and little after 15 minutes later her brother appeared, towing his suitcase behind him.
“Hey Stack!” he grinned as Mary flung herself at him and he swept her up in a hug “How’s it hanging?” “Same old, same old!” she grinned and he let out a laugh before he placed her down and turned to Fliss.
“Oh my God!” he smiled as Fliss walked over to him “Look at you!”
She laughed “I know…” with a nod she looked down “Nothing until 16 weeks and then wham…now I feel like it’s getting bigger every day.”
He pulled her into his arms and gave her the usual bear hug before the three of them headed out to the car. On the way back to the house, Steve filled Fliss in on what exactly he was doing. The construction company he owned was in the running for a very big job in Orlando building a complete village of holiday villas not far from Lake Buena Vista. As such he was out here to meet a few people and attend the Bidders Conference, whilst also taking a look at some potential office buildings in Lakeland.
“If we win this tender Fliss, it’s going to be huge.” he smiled at her “We’re talking millions.”
“That’s great.” she smiled “You’ve really blown it up since Dad handed over the reins, I’m really pleased for you!”
“I got lucky.”
“No, it was hard work.” Fliss glanced at him.
“Frank says you make your own luck.” Mary added.
“See!” Fliss grinned at her brother. “So, would you guys move out here or…”
“I’m tempted.” he said, “As with anything, I’ll need a project team who can oversee the local suppliers and labour that type of thing, manage the schedules and what not…but our head offices will still be in Liverpool, so I’m undecided. Either way I’ll be spending a lot more time here, certainly in the first 12 months whilst it all gets up and running.”
“How does Sian feel about it?”
“She’s excited. She knows what it means to me, to the business. Obviously she realises it means more time apart as I’ll be out here quite often but…”
“Is it selfish of me to be happy about that?” Fliss smiled and Steve laughed.
“Nope, because we all know I’m the best big brother in the world.”
Fliss grinned and shook her head as Mary began to enthusiastically talk to Steve about school and University and the Girl Scout group she was in. Fliss interjected whenever she needed to but other than that she was happy to let the two of them chat away.
Once home Steve headed over to the Annex where he would be staying whilst Mary went outside to play with the dogs, Fred happy to oversee things from his spot on a chair on the large decking platform which-over looked the pool area. Steve appeared an hour or so later having showered and changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, Fliss grinning at him, calling him a tourist. Whilst it wasn’t cold by cold standards, she found it chillier having grown used to the blazing heat of the summer. Steve, who had come from the chilly early spring in England, simply rolled his eyes and handed her the box he had in his hand.
“It’s a present from me and Sian.” he smiled.
Fliss glanced down and smiled at the selection box of Pukka Tea bags.
“Steeby this is great!” she beamed “I’ve been struggling to find them out here since Sian recommended them.”
She gently opened the box and glanced at the various herbal teas. There were 12 different flavours such as Peppermint and Liquorice, Ginger and Manuka Honey, Chamomile and Rose to name but a few. There was even a handwritten note inside from Sian, explaining which ones had helped her with various symptoms she felt during her pregnancy. She closed the purple and gold box and looked up at Steve, tears in her eyes.
“Hey, come on Titch!” he laughed as she fell into his arms, chuckling herself at her ridiculous tears “It’s just tea bags.” “It’s really thoughtful, thank you.” she stepped back, wiping her eyes “Fucking hormones.” Steve chuckled, rubbing her back slightly before she turned and began pulling the rest of the stuff out for dinner.
“Wanna help?” she asked.
“You really want me to?” He smirked “I’ve still not forgot the time we made brownies and set fire to the curtains at the Farm house.” “Ok, first off those curtains were rank, as Mum said when Dad came home and hit the roof, second off, they were pot brownies and we were already stoned after smoking a load! Cooking and being high do not mix.”
Steve laughed “God, poor Mum didn’t know what to do. Came home, found us both on the floor eating them, with burnt curtains hanging at the window.” “She knew we were stoned, she told me.” Fliss grinned, handing Steve a knife “Said she lied to dad that it had been her to get us off the hook.” “Well that didn’t work because Dad told me he knew full well it was us. He made me pay for the new curtains and told me that if I ever let you smoke that stuff again he was going to beat me within an inch of my life.” Fliss laughed “He was so full of shit, he never raised a hand to either of us. Never would either.” “No, but the threat was there. Even if I was 22 at the time, scared the shit out of me.”
“Thankfully we both grew up since then, huh?” Fliss shrugged, as she grabbed a chopping board to start carving up the meat for the tacos.
“Hmmm, debatable.” Steve nudged her. “Although I can safely say I haven’t done weed since the twins were born…as tempting as it was at times.”
“I can’t remember the last time I did.” Fliss mused “Was certainly before I moved to Boston.” “Frankie boy not dabble every now and then?”
“Nope.” Fliss said “He doesn’t smoke and says the last time he did pot it made him pull a whitey so he steers clear. Hardest thing he does now is Bourbon.” “Huh…” Steve mused “I had him pegged as a bit of wild one…” “He’s not.” Fliss shook her head “I mean he cuts loose when we go out, and I dread to think about the states he’s gonna be in this weekend but…” she shrugged “He’s well adjusted, sensible, level headed…can be a bit of a child at times but, show me a man who isn’t?” Steve shot her a look and she chuckled.
“So, how is he?” Steve asked. “Seems like ages since I spoke to him.” “He’s good.” Fliss smiled “His work is going well. He’s really excited about the baby.” her hand dropped to her bump. “We’re gonna start looking for houses now our landlord had said he won’t hold us to our contract. Frankie wants to move as soon as we can so he can get a nursery ready but I’m not bothered. Not like we’ll need the extra space really until a few months after it’s born.”
“You’d be surprised.” Steve raised an eyebrow “Babies accumulate a lot of stuff…” “Well, we’ll manage either way.” Fliss shrugged “Most important thing is they’re safe and happy. We can figure the rest out as we go.” “You gonna buy or…” “Hopefully.” Fliss nodded “With work and stuff now we shouldn’t have a problem borrowing now but, I don’t know, we’re going to look into it properly once Jake’s wedding is out of the way in a few weeks.”
Steve nodded and took a deep breath “You know, I wasn’t sure about you two at first, not because I didn’t like Frank, I did, I mean I do but, well, I just thought after Dickhead that you needed time to heal and find yourself again.” Fliss looked at him as he chewed the inside of his lip before he turned to her. “But then when I saw you again after your first Christmas together and then over the Easter…I dunno, you just…”
Fliss smiled and looked down, shrugging “I might have healed in a lot of ways before I met Frank but I was still broken Steeb. Finding my way in a new relationship was hard work, it was daunting…I constantly found myself automatically doing things I did with or for John…like you know the first time Frank ever stayed over, in the morning I just got up and was about to make him coffee and he was so puzzled by it.” she shrugged “that could have been so awkward but Frank…well, he didn’t let it feel that way. Simply told me to stay the fuck in bed.” “Don’t wanna know.” Steve pulled a face and Fliss laughed.
“Joking aside, I know it used to bother him because it was almost like on a subconscious level I was comparing the two of them but he never once lost his temper, not really anyway, other than to tell me to stop putting him on a pedestal for being fucking normal…his words, not mine.” she said, framing them in quotation marks with her fingers. “He just gets it. He gets me.” “You finished with the sales pitch?” Steve asked her and she narrowed her eyes at him as he laughed “You don’t need to convince me Titch, I like the guy, I just wasn’t sure you were in the right place but it's obvious he helped you get there.” Fliss smiled.
“And Mum and Dad worship the ground he walks on.” Steve shrugged “Like seriously…”
“Awww you jealous?” Fliss teased and Steve turned, pointing the small knife he was holding at her.
“Behave.” he smirked and Fliss laughed.
“I know what you mean though…whenever we argue they’re both like ‘you need to stop being so hard on him, Lissy’.” She snorted.
“Well, to be fair, you are a little bit…” Steve shrugged “Oh, I dunno, a bit of a pain in the ass at times.” “Fuck you.” she sniggered, as Steve chuckled and once again looked down at her.
“I’m glad you found him. You deserve to be happy.” Fliss smiled, and let her brother give her another hug before she instructed him to get on with his allocated job of dicing onions if they wanted any chance of eating this side of summer. Between the two of them, they had dinner ready in half an hour and the three of them ate inside at the large kitchen table. It wasn’t long after they finished that Frank Face timed. After a conversation with Mary, instructing her once more to behave, she handed the phone to Fliss who smiled at her man and excused herself for a little while so she could go talk to him in private. He told her they were off to play poker, promised he wouldn’t gamble Bean and Mary’s inheritance away, before he apologetically said he needed to go and promised he would message her later, despite her insistence that he didn’t need to keep checking in.
The siblings and Mary, plus animals migrated to the lounge of the villa as Steve yawned, desperately trying to keep himself awake as long as possible to counteract the time difference between Florida and their home in the North West of England. He ended up helping himself to a healthy shot of Bill’s 12 year old Single Malt as Fliss had an apple juice mixed with lemonade, the 2 of them on the couch, the foot stools of the recliners in front of them whilst Mary led on the rug, playing on her computer.
At one point she let out a snigger, and Fliss looked at her suspiciously.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Frank before told me to stop doing maths and do something else…so I’m googling.” she shrugged.
“Googling what?”
“Random pregnancy facts…did you know the longest pregnancy ever recorded was 375 days?”
“What?” Fliss spluttered “That’s over a year!”
Mary grinned “and the shortest was 21 weeks and four days…both babies survived.”
Steve looked at Fliss, chuckling to himself as he took a drink of his scotch.
“Woah, your heart grows bigger too…” Mary said, “and your blood volume increases by 40-50%. That’s pretty cool.”
“No wonder you get fat…” Steve mused and Fliss picked up a cushion, hitting him in the face with it.
“And your voice can change!” Mary looked up at Fliss “Says here that it can get lower…” she studied her for a second before she nodded “Talk to me…” “What do you want me to say?” Fliss asked, dropping her voice deliberately and Mary shook her head, rolling her eyes.
“You’re doing a Frank…” she sing songed.
“Doing a Frank?” Steve looked at his sister.
“Code for being an idiot.” Fliss smiled.
“You’re 18 weeks right?” Mary continued.
“Yeah”
“It says here that’s the time the baby can hear sounds…but it gets more responsive at 25-26 weeks…” she paused “Have you felt Bean move yet?”
“No.” Fliss shook her head, “but apparently for your first baby it’s not uncommon for you not to feel it until after 20 weeks.”
“Huh, they call it quickening…” Mary mused then she grinned “I can’t wait to feel it kicking you.”
“Gee thanks Stack…” Fliss looked at her as Steve let out a loud laugh
“I bloody love this kid!” he grinned and Mary smiled back.
*****
Saturday flew by. Fliss had lessons all day at the yard, Mary hanging around to help Joanne with various tasks before she herself got to ride Monty. She was now fully walking, trotting and cantering off the line competently, so when she asked Fliss if they could try a little jump, seeing as Frank wasn’t there to shit himself Fliss agreed.
Joanna set the cross poles up, leaving the jump at less than half a foot high, but it was enough for what they wanted to do.
“Ok…so…” Fliss said, nudging the ground pole with her foot. “We’re going to just trot him at this for the time being, so when he steps over this pole you have a count of one before he is going to take off. So you need to stand up… and fold forward slightly, giving him the reins. Show me.” Mary obediently stood up, and Fliss moved to help her adjust her legs so they didn’t fling too far back.
“Ok, good…” Fliss nodded. “Joanna’s gonna lead you over the first few times ok, and if you feel like you’re losing your balance then grab hold of this bit at the bottom of his mane. It won’t hurt him, I promise.” “OK, I’m ready…” Mary nodded.
“Alright…” Fliss said, stepping back. Joanna led Monty away, before they picked up trot and ran at the small jump.
“Get ready to fold!” Fliss instructed Mary, as she approached the pole. Doing exactly as she was told Mary leaned forward as Monty took off from the ground and landed perfectly after the jump. Mary sat back up and looked over her shoulder at the jump then to Fliss who gave her the thumbs up.
“Woah, did you see that?” Mary grinned, and Fliss nodded.
“Sure did!” she laughed. “Go again?”
Mary nodded eagerly and Joanna laughed. “Well done kiddo!”
They repeated this 5 or 6 times more before Fliss asked Mary if she wanted to try on her own. Never one to back down she nodded so Joanne unclipped the line and Mary trotted Monty around in a circle before she came at the jump.
“Ok, sit up and look straight between his ears at where you’re going.” Fliss said “Don’t look down…” Mary approached the jump and Fliss held her breath, but needn’t have bothered. Monty, ever the pro took Mary over the poles easily and stopped a few strides at the other side, Mary letting out an excited yell.
“I did it!”
Fliss gave her a huge smile.
“Can we film it and send it to Frank?”
“Damned straight we can!” Fliss grinned, “Do it again.”
She pulled her phone out, filmed Mary once again jumping and then turned her phone off, slipping into her pocket as Mary rode Monty back over.
“That was amazing!” the little girl was beaming ear to ear.
Fliss nodded “Yeah, it was. You did really well Stack. You wanna walk him off now then and we can feed and go home?” Mary nodded as she turned Monty away to let him walk around the outside of the paddock. With a smile she grabbed her phone and sent the footage to Frank. He replied a few minutes later with a load of wide mouthed emojis accompanied by the words “Jesus Christ, what did I say about keeping all 4 legs on the ground?”
“Oh hush Sailor!” she replied “She loved it. Now don’t forget I want a photo of you and Greg in those suits before you go out.” “Yes ma’am…now by my watch it must be nearly 6pm there. Take Mary and Bean home and get some rest.”
Rolling her eyes she responded about him being bossy to which he replied he was entitled to be as she was carrying his kid. A few more jokey messages were shared before Fliss promised to go home and Frank said he would talk to her later.
They grabbed a pizza on the way back and once more joined Steve for dinner, the 3 of them sitting in Bill’s large cinema room later watching Avengers-Age of Ultron. Before it had finished Fliss fell asleep, to be woken by Steve at the end of the film, Mary laughing at her as she groaned and stretched out.
“Sorry!” she grinned and Steve snorted.
“She falls asleep all the time.” Mary laughed “Frank said the baby is like a parasite, sucking all her energy.”
“A parasite?” Fliss snorted indignantly, her hand falling to her bump “You hear that Bean, that’s your dad saying that. Rude…”
“He isn’t wrong though.” Steve laughed. “Sian used to refer to our two as the bloodsuckers.” Shaking her head Fliss stood up and looked at Mary, “Bed, come on. You’re out with Roberta tomorrow.” “Anywhere nice?” Steve asked Mary.
“Just to the beach.” came the reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while so we’re gonna go watch the surfing competition. Roberta likes the shorts the men wear.”
“Sure she does.” Steve smirked, laughing.
“Some of them are brighter than Frank’s shirts.” Mary mused, causing Steve to laugh harder.
They bid him goodnight, getting ready for bed before Fliss tucked Mary in and went to the spare room. She fell asleep not long after but was woken early Sunday morning with a desperate need to pee. Once sorted she text her phone to find a very drunk text from Frank, declaring he loved her and couldn’t wait for Bean to arrive and for them to get married. She shook her head, glancing at the time, it was almost 4 am meaning it was 1am in Vegas. Smiling as she replied half asleep herself, telling him to maybe think about drinking water instead of any more alcohol, she turned over and closed her eyes.
***** Frank sat dumbfounded, his entire body rigid as the person next to him in the bed let out a sigh, and then a deep groan before a head emerged from under the covers.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Frank exhaled and let out a groan as Simon looked at him “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Well, technically this is my room, jerk.” Simon said, blinking “What year is it?
“You scared the shit out of me.” Frank took a deep breath “I thought…”
“You thought you left with the blonde?” Simon peeked up at him “Nah, man. Mind you, wasn’t for her lack of trying. She was all over you. Eventually you told her to fuck off. You were quite rude actually.” Frank let out a sigh, his head falling back against the head board.
Simon sighed turning over, before he peered under the covers. “For the love of- Frank you’re naked.” “I’m aware of that.” Frank groaned.
“Fucking hell…” Simon grimaced, before he rolled out of bed “I’m going for a pee. Put some clothes on.”
Once Simon was in the bathroom he climbed out of bed, his head still spinning as he found his clothes in a pile on the floor. Shoving on his boxers and shirt he looked around the room to see an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and a pizza box on the table.
“Where the hell did we go?” He asked Simon as he walked back into the room. “Don’t ask me.” Simon looked at him, falling face down on the bed. “I know we took Greg back to your room…”
“We did?”
“Yeah he was wasted.” Simon nodded, rolling over as Frank flopped back on the bed. “He could hardly walk so the bouncers asked us to take him out of the club. We threw him in your room then…we must have gone back out…hang on…”
With a herculean effort, Simon pushed himself up and found his phone. After a brief scan his eyes widened and he snorted.
“Look.”
He turned the phone round to Frank, who saw a selfie of him and Simon in front of a face down Greg in the hotel room. Simon then began to flick through.
“Oh, ok so we went to a liquor store…” he turned the phone round to show Frank a blurry photo of a shop front “Don’t ask me why I took that and oh my god!”
“What?” Simon pressed play and a load of cheering and singing hit their ears as they watched footage of a small man dressed as a leprechaun dancing in the hotel foyer, Frank on his knees in front of him, laughing.
“I literally have no memory of that…at all.” Frank shook his head.
“Looks like we called Bonnie as well…” Simon snorted “If this angry text message that I got at 3 am is anything to go by.”
“Oh fuck…” Frank hastily reached for his phone, which really didn’t have a lot of battery left, and he hastily scanned his calls. There were none to Fliss, but he had sent her a message. According to her reply she’d been up to use the toilet…so that was ok.
His phone illuminated then with 2 messages. One from Fliss asking him if he was hungover, as he deserved to be, and another from Greg asking him where the fuck he was. Deciding to reply to Greg first, as he could picture the man stressing he tapped out a quick reply informing him not to worry, he’d be back at the room as soon as he’d managed to dress himself, which at the moment thanks to his head was proving a little difficult, before he replied to Fliss saying he was indeed hungover and he needed to crawl into a hole and die and as ever, reminded her he loved her.
No sooner had he sent it, she was calling him.
“That was quick…” he mumbled, before answering it. “Hey honey…” “So, wanna tell me exactly where and what you were doing that requires you to get dressed before you go back to the room?” her voice was steely.
Shit. He had sent the messages to the wrong people.
“Lissy, it’s not what you think…” he instantly began.
“Oh, you have no IDEA what I’m thinking!” her voice grew louder
“No, listen…I’m with Simon…” he chuckled.
“You think this is funny?” she sniffed and Frank grimaced.
“Baby, stop.” he sighed “Look, we ended up back at his room and I passed out here. That message was meant for Greg as he was asking me where I was. Instead he now has a message saying I’m hungover to fuck and that I love him.”
She was silent and he could hear her on the other end of the line rustling something before she spoke again in a quiet voice “So you weren’t with anyone else?”
“No, Sweetheart I wasn’t. Why would I want to be huh? Most beautiful girl in the world waiting for me at home.” At that Simon let out a retching noise “God you make me want to puke Adler.” “Oh fuck off Si you dick.” he shot back.
“Hey Fliss…” Simon leaned over to speak down the phone, grabbing Frank’s wrist to stop him moving it. “Now you, Bonnie and me have all seen Frank nekkid...”
“I swear to God I’m gonna punch you in a minute…” Frank mumbled, jerking his arm out of Simon’s reach and pushing him so hard he rolled over and fell off the side of the bed. Frank let out a laugh as Simon groaned and a hand appeared in the air, flipping him off.
“He knows about you and Bonnie?”
“Apparently so.” Frank mused
Fliss snorted “So anything else you wanna tell me about what you got up to? Other than naked spooning Si?”
Frank laughed “We found a dancing leprechaun.”
“A dancing leprechaun?” “Yeah, in the hotel somewhere.”
“Standard.” she giggled “So, are you ready to come home now you’ve spent the last few days acting like overgrown frat boys?
“Yes, I’m more than ready to leave Aldrich Whitaker behind”
“Who the fuck is that?”
“My alter ego for last night. He’s a trust fund ass hole…” Frank grinned.
There was a pause before she replied, snorting “Whatever.”
At that point his phone gave him a bleep to tell him he was dangerously low on battery power. “Look, baby, my phones gonna die. I’ll call you when I get it charged ok?”
“Yeah, sure, hey Frankie…sorry I jumped to conclusions.” she said softly.
“It’s ok” he laughed “I’m not surprised after that message.”
“Yeah but still…” she paused “Can I blame the hormones?”
“If you want.”
“In that case it was totally them.”
He chucked “Ok. Anyway, hormones or not, I love you.”
“Love you too sailor”
With that his phone cut off and he glanced down at it, the screen blank as the power had gone. He dropped it on the bed, before leaning back again, his hand against his forehead.
“I’m NEVER coming to Vegas again”
“Oh you not fancy it for your Batchelor party then? Simon teased as he threw Frank a bottle of water from the mini bar.”
“The fuck I do.” Frank shook his head.
*****
“I’d like to say I’m surprised but…” Bonnie shrugged as Fliss snorted, taking a drink of her apple juice from the carton as they walked back to their cars in the setting sun. They’d had dinner at one of the beach bars and stayed simply chatting for half an hour or so, but now Fliss was now ready to head home, shower and bunker down for the rest of the evening until Frank came home.
“I knew he’d end up paralytic.” Fliss said, watching as Mary wandered back towards them, huge ice cream in her hand. “Ok, Stack that’s bigger than your head.”
Mary shrugged, handing Fliss her change “It’s good though.” “Mint choc chip?”
“Yup.” she grinned, taking a huge lick. “When’s Frank back?”
“He lands into Tampa in about 4 hours.” Fliss looked at her “Why, you fed up of me already?”
“No, just thinking how peaceful it’s been without him annoying me.”
Fliss grinned and Bonnie gave a chuckle.
“Hey, did you tell Bonnie about you jumping Monty?” Fliss asked.
“Oh, no…” Mary turned to the woman, enthusiastically telling her all about it as Bonnie listened, Fliss walking alongside them, her hand rubbing her bump. She was just thinking about how nice a nap would be right then when Bonnie’s phone went.
“Sorry Mary…” she said, frowning at the number. “Hey, Lisa?” Fliss attention turned to Bonnie and she watched carefully as she spoke to Jake’s fiancé, her eyes flicked to her “No, no why…what’s…oh, ok…yeah…”
She cancelled the phone call and instantly tapped at the screen.
“Everything ok?” Fliss frowned.
“Yeah, I just need to check something.” she said. Fliss glanced at Mary who looked at her, shrugging.
“Here…” Fliss handed her the keys to the jeep “Go open the car…” “You know if you want me out of the way just ask.” Mary rolled her eyes.
“Ok I want you out of the way.” Fliss looked down at her. Mary snorted and took the keys, wandering off the 50 yards or so to the jeep. Fliss watched her climb in the back, the door staying open and her legs dangling out of the side. “Bonnie what is it?”
“Nothing…” Bonnie said, far too quickly as she looked up at Fliss. Fliss frowned.
“Bonnie…”
“Honestly, it’s nothing, just something Lisa told me about on facebook so…” Bonnie stuttered slightly so Fliss narrowed her eyes.
“Stop bullshitting.” Fliss said, holding her gaze “What the fuck’s going on?”
“Look, I’m sure it’s not what it seems…” Bonnie sighed, holding out her phone. At those words Fliss felt her heart sink as it could only mean one thing, and she took the phone with a tentative hand. She looked down at it and could see that it was a photo and from the logo in the bottom right hand corner it was from the official club page that the boys had been in on Saturday night.
It showed Jake, Greg, Simon, and a few others that Fliss didn’t recognise but that wasn’t what Bonnie had been referring to. What she had been talking about, as Fliss could clearly see was the background of the shot, which showed Frank with a blonde woman. Her arms were round his neck, his hand was resting on her lower back and their faces inches apart.
“Like I said, I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation…” Bonnie said, but Fliss wasn’t listening. She was busy flicking through the other photos and then she came across another of Frank, the same girl perched on his knee.
She felt sick.
“Sure, perfectly innocent…” Fliss swallowed, handing the phone back to Bonnie, her voice sounding detached. Bonnie looked down at the snap now displayed on the screen and she took a deep breath.
“Look, Fliss, Frank loves you…he was probably just drunk and…” “Touching up some whore that’s sat on his lap.” Fliss shook her head “Save it Bonnie, I gotta go.” “Fliss…”
Fliss turned away from her, the tears stinging her eyes as she headed to the jeep. Taking a deep breath she wiped her eyes, climbing into the driver’s seat.
“Are you ok?” Mary looked at her.
“Yeah, fine…just tired and hormonal.” Fliss shot her a smile.
“We can watch a film when we get back.” Mary suggested “Just chill out?”
“Yeah, yeah we can.” Fliss trying to quell the sick feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with Bean.
Had Frank really cheated on her? She would never in a million years thought he had it in him to be unfaithful, and she was desperate to believe Bonnie, that there was some perfectly innocent explanation for it all. And maybe, just maybe with the first one she could. It could have been taken at a bad moment, when they were just talking to one another, Frank being friendly…but then again why would they have their arms round one another. And as for the second one…the same girl was sat on his fucking lap with her arm looped round his shoulder.
And he looked perfectly comfortable with it.
She rubbed her bump again and Mary looked at her. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine sweetheart.” she nodded, painting a smile on her face before turning the key in the ignition. “Let’s go home.”
******
Frank sighed as they all trudged through the arrivals lounge, rubbing his eyes. He was ready for a shower and collapse next to his girl, he felt like he had aged a decade over the last 3 days. The rest of them looked just as bad as they headed to the waiting car, Simon’s phone reminding Frank he needed to turn his on to.
“Oh, shit…” he heard Simon groan “No, that’s not…he didn’t…I swear…”
He glanced at Frank who stood still, watching and leaning on the door frame, his own phone in his hand as it started up.
“Yeah, ok…love you…see you soon.” Simon swallowed and cut the call looking at Frank.
“What is it?” Frank looked at him, a cold feeling washing over him “Has something happened to Lissy or Mary? Or the baby, please tell me no…” “No, nothing like that but you need to call Fliss.” he said, “Frank, there’s photos of you and that blonde chick on the club facebook page. Someone tagged me and Greg in them, Lisa saw them and Bonnie and…” “Photos of what?” Frank frowned “I didn’t do anything…” “There’s a photo that makes it look like you are…and one of her on your lap.” Simon said and Frank swallowed, his stomach churning.
“Oh fuck…”
“Just get in the car.” Greg said, looking at him from where he stood at the other side. “Call her on the way, we’ll back you up…it’s a misunderstanding…”
“Yeah, it’ll be fine…” Jake assured him.
But it wasn’t fine, because no matter how much he tried, or how many messages he sent her, she wasn’t picking up or replying and when he saw the photos, and had to admit…they looked pretty bad, he could understand her being pissed. He would be if it was the other way round. The drive home seemed to take forever, and when the car finally rounded the corner onto Frank’s road they all offered to come in as well and help him explain, but he shook his head, knowing full well if he did that she would feel backed into a corner. No, this was his own dumbass fault. He’d face up to it and talk to her, make her understand how he’d told the girl to back off…she’d listen, she was reasonable.
The house was quiet when he entered and he walked through to the lounge where Fliss was sat on the sofa, her knees bent up besides her. She glanced over the back of the couch and he could see she had been crying, which made him feel like even more of bastard than he did already.
“Lissy, honey, I swear…” “You know, when I asked if there was anything you wanted to tell me, maybe I should have asked if there was something you should be telling me” she said, uncurling her legs and standing up. Thor’s ears pricked up from where he had been laying on the rug.
“Listen, those photos…they’re not…” he shook his head “I told her to get lost, honestly I swear…”
He moved towards her, his hands dropping to her hips but she pushed him hard in the chest, stepping back.
“Don’t touch me...I don’t want you anywhere near me.” she said quietly
“Sweetheart, I swear to God…”
“I don’t wanna hear it Frank.” she sniffed walking past him. “Where are you going?” he asked, “Lissy, you can’t leave…please, sweetheart…” “I’m going to bed, but let’s get one thing straight. The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now and storming out, slamming the door behind me is because of Mary.” she spoke calmly, too calmly for the anger which was radiating out of every inch of her body. She looked at Frank, her eyes watering as she shook her head, turning away “You can take the couch.”
“Lissy…” “Frank…just…stop.” she said, her voice cracking, and with that she left the room, Thor trotting behind, the bedroom door clicking behind her.
Frank stood, rooted to the spot, debating whether or not to follow her, before he decided not to. The last thing he wanted was to anger her that much she stormed out, or worse, she got so stressed something happened to the baby. No, she’d set the boundaries so he decided to respect them, and turned instead to the couch, sinking down onto the cushions his head in his hands.
She was angry, upset and she had the right to be and like he had said in the car, in her position he knew he would feel the same. She needed to sleep, calm down enough so that they could talk and he could explain, get her to listen to him. And then she’d see that it was a huge misunderstanding, even if she remained pissed at him for having the girl so close in the first place, which, ok, he shouldn’t have done but fuck…the thought of cheating hadn’t entered his mind, not once.
He swung his legs up, rubbing his face over his hands. She’d believe him. She had to, because if she didn’t, he had no idea what the fuck he was gonna do.
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Text
Their Love Was Made of Promises
Pairing: Fremione
Summary: Fred and Hermione’s relationship began in his final year and ended in hers.
Excerpt: “You better watch it, Fred.” She warned. “I have the power to give you detentions this year if you act up and I won’t go easy.”
“Promise?” Fred asked challengingly.
Word count: 4750
AO3
“To Ron and Hermione being announced as prefects,” Molly held up her glass in a toast. Everyone sat around the large dining table at 12 Grimmauld Place cheered. It was the night before they were set to return to Hogwarts and the Order had gathered to celebrate.
“Don’t worry, Harry. Your dad and I weren’t picked for prefects either. Something about a ‘spotty record’ or something like that.” Sirius said with a wink to his godson. Harry smiled back at him, cheered by his revelation.
“May we also congratulate Harry, who was cleared of all charges and allowed to attend Hogwarts this year!” Molly continued and another whoop came from the table. “And well done to Fred and George for making it to their final year.”
The twins stood during their cheer, bowing dramatically.
“Thank you, mother,” George said.
“We certainly were surprised too,” Fred added.
“We can’t say we’ll be the smartest,” George admitted.
“But we will certainly make it interesting.” Fred finished as the two once again bowed and returned to their seats while everyone else laughed.
Fred turned to his right where Hermione was sat. “Aren’t you excited, Granger?”
“You better watch it, Fred.” She warned. “I have the power to give you detentions this year if you act up and I won’t go easy.”
“Promise?” Fred asked challengingly.
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She definitely didn’t go easy on him. Fred had amassed three detentions in the first few weeks of classes for advertising to test his inventions on students. He had argued it was unfair, why should he alone be made to sit in detention when George was equally guilty. Hermione rationalised that it was because she hadn’t seen George hanging posters and trying to talk first years into risking their health. It had gone back and forth until finally, Fred conceded. If his punishment was to be stuck in a classroom for an hour at a time with Hermione, then he would happily serve his time.
“You know,” Fred said after they had been sitting in the charms room for forty-five of the sixty-minute detention. “This is sort of like a date.”
“Oh really?” Hermione asked.
“Yeah well, it’s just me and you alone.” He gestured between them. “Sat closely in an empty room.” He wiggled his eyebrows, “Anything could happen.”
“You’re the one that sat next to me,” she said. “I’m pretty sure you’re not even supposed to be this side of the desk.” She gestured to the teacher’s desk and where he had pulled up a chair beside her.
“It’s cold,” He justified. “It’s not my fault it’s September and you picked a room without a fireplace.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Is that all that constitutes a date to you, then? Being sat alone in a room.”
“To start with.” He said. “Though I would have much preferred our first date to be somewhere a little nicer than Flitwick’s room” He sighed as he looked around at the dusty room. “Still, I’m sure we can still make this work.”
Hermione snorted at his words. “Say this was a date, where exactly would it have been?” She asked a bit too curiously.
“You’ll have to find out.”
Her eyebrows furrowed at his response “Wha-”
“Times up,” Fred announced, pointing to the clock. “But how about Saturday? I can show you what a real date should look like.” He playfully winked as he helped her gather her belongings.
“Okay,” She replied, her cheeks dusted pink. “But promise to stop testing your products on unsuspecting first years, I really do worry about them,” Hermione asked seriously as they left the classroom. “And tuck your shirt in, Weasley.”
“For you, Hermione? Anything.”
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Since Fred and George’s shop had opened earlier that month it had been wildly successful. Hermione had seemed to love the design when she had first seen it. The mismatched furniture, the insane colour scheme and the constantly bustling shop, she claimed, fit them perfectly. He had been pleased to hear it, not realising until then how much he had wanted her approval.
He stayed at the Burrow during her easter break, not wanting to waste any time with her. They spent their days after he finished in the shop going for adventures in the surrounding fields. He showed her where he and George had built a fort years ago.
“We did it the muggle way,” he bragged as he showed off the small den. It had been assembled by gathering large sticks and balancing them together like a teepee. “Though, it’s a bit small for us now.” He tapped the hut with the toe of his shoe. He wasn’t sure if even his whole torso would fit in there anymore.
“It’s brilliant,” Hermione stated, smiling at the charming structure.
“I’ve been thinking,” Fred said that night in the front room. It had been a couple of hours since everyone else had gone to bed. Hermione’s leg was thrown over one of his, her head tucked under his chin. The heat of the fire and the blankets piled on them kept them in a snuggly state on the sofa.
“Hm?” She asked wordlessly, blissfully dozing on his chest.
“I love you,” He said. He wanted to say it before she had to return for the next term of school.
She raised herself on her elbows, looking down at him with fervent eyes. “I love you too.”
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That summer, Fred had been ecstatic when Hemione had asked to help experiment with new ideas for products. She had taken to staying with him in the flat upstairs on the nights they were up late trialling new potions or talking.
“Hermione!” Fred called from the experimentation room one morning. The potion he was working on had just blown up in his face, casting off large gooey chunks all over the room and on him. There was no way he could clean all this himself.
“Yeah?” Her voice came distantly from the living room upstairs.
“Remember how you promised to love me no matter what?” He called back, already bracing himself for a scolding.
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“I got you something,” Fred said when they were waiting at the platform for the Hogwarts Express.
“Really?” Hermione asked, surprised.
“Yeah, for your birthday and to congratulate you on achieving ten O.W.L.s,” she had amazed him by her brilliance, “but also to keep you from missing me too much this year.” He said teasingly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box.
“It’s not going to explode is it?” She asked warily, eyeing the box in her hand.
“No spoilers,” Fred replied. “Just, wait till your birthday to open it, okay?”
His wrist warmed when he was in bed a few weeks later. She had waited.
He looked down at the thin bracelet on his wrist, the twin to Hermione’s. He had gotten the idea from her last year with the DA coins. If they were to tap the band twice with two fingers, the other’s band would warm. He had thought that that way, they could let the other know they were thinking about them.
He soon after received an owl from her.
Thank you for my bracelet, I love it. I swear I’m never going to take it off.
Love you, H.
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“What an arse,” Fred said. He had been owling Hermione during her first term back and was less than impressed by Cormac Mclaggen’s pursuit of Hermione. She had been made very uncomfortable, especially when he had relentlessly followed her around at Professor Slughorn’s Christmas party. In her latest letter, she had recalled his latest attempt to impress her by bragging about his Quidditch skills. His attempts to put down Harry, Ginny and Ron in order to upraise his own prestige had irritated Hermione to the point of an outburst. Fred wished he could have been there. Instead, he sent Mclaggen a gift.
Hermione and Fred spent boxing day in his new muggle-style fort, a surprise from Hermione. After the loud celebratory Christmas, they both enjoyed the quiet day spent in the woods together.
“I think we could stay here,” Fred said as he looked around at the sizable fortress. He could already imagine where he’d put furniture. “No one would find us this far out.”
It was a tempting offer, but Hermione shook her head. “No, I’d need running water. Besides, how would we find food? I doubt you watched Bear Grylls growing up.”
“Bear who?”
“Exactly. We’d be hopeless.”
“Well, it’s an option.” He was almost gutted. “We could avoid everyone if we wanted.”
“Hmm, speaking of avoiding people,” Hermione had been reminded of her last dinner before returning home for Christmas “did you anonymously owl Mclaggen a boxing telescope?” Hermione asked.
“..would you still love me if I did?” Fred asked.
She smiled.
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“I bet you a fiver you cry at the vows,” Fred said as they exited the fireplace. The majority of their day had been spent making last-minute changes and plans for Bill and Fleur’s upcoming wedding.
“You may never know if I do,” Hermione said. “It’s not too late to buy a fascinator, I’ll wear one and you won’t be able to tell from the front.”
“You little witch.” Fred flopped down on the sofa, patting the spot next to him for her to join him. “I’ll know, though. You can try and hide it but I would see it on your face.”
“Maybe.” He would, he had spent enough hours staring at her.
“We can’t hide anything from each other. You’re just gonna have to get used to it, you’re stuck with me.”
She hadn’t smiled as he had expected. In fact, her gaze became troubled and she focused on a spot on the wall.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
She looked up at him again, her face apprehensive.
“Why are you upset?” He asked, unsure why her mood had shifted so suddenly. “It’s soon, isn’t it? When you leave.”
She nodded her head, unable to talk past her choked throat.
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He said, his mind already in turmoil. He had to be strong for her.
“It won’t.” She was right, of course, she always was. “Fred, I can’t do this. I’m not ready.” The pain in her eyes broke his heart.
“You are ready, I know you are. I know you.” He pulled her into his side. “You’ll do this and then you can come home and we will finally adopt a cat because George will bugger off and move out.”
She huffed a laugh.
“Life will go on after all of this ends. I promise it will.”
“Fred,” Her eyes were anguished. “We need to-” She cut herself off, struggling to find the right words. “There is a very real possibility that something will go wrong and I won’t come back. I need to tell you that-”
This time it was he who interrupted her. “Nothing will go wrong. You will survive this. I will make sure of it.”
“No one has the power to guarantee that.”
“I do. I would trade my life for yours if it came down to it, don’t think I won’t.”
“Then maybe you don’t know me. You can’t say you’ll do that, I would not let that happen.”
“Like hell, I can’t. Watch me.” She had been through so much pain, she had made herself an orphan just to keep her parents safe and was facing an unknown amount of time on the run from a terrorist group set out to kill her and her best friends. He would protect her or he would die trying.
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The morning of the wedding Hermione had smiled at breakfast, laughing with his sister as they fluttered around getting ready. Fred had almost made himself late just watching her. She wore red, the same shade as the jumper he had given her two years ago when they had started dating. The golden ‘F’ knitted in the front had looked too pretty on her for him to ever take back.
She cried during the ceremony, just as he had bet, but he felt no victory from her tears. He caught her gaze, trying to reassure her from his position in line with his brothers. She had given him a watery smile before looking down to her small beaded bag.
When they danced, he held her tight, her head tucked under his chin. Soon she would be leaving, it was an inevitability. They hadn’t discussed it again, when he had tried to bring it up she had hushed him and told him that she didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to remain in the present, tucked into his arms.
They slowly spun on the dancefloor, completely absorbed in each other. He felt her tears wet his shirt. The moisture made his chest contract. He squeezed her closer, the movement compelling a small sob from her. He pulled back enough to look at her. Her face was red, she looked agonised.
“What is it, love?” He asked her. He would tear his heart from his chest if it would stop her misery.
“I-.” She said, struggling past a lump in her throat.
He brought her out of the tent, leading her inside the quiet cottage. The sofa on which she sat was where he had first told her he loved her by the light of the fire over a year ago.
“I don’t love you anymore.” She said as he knelt in front of her. Her tears had stopped, her face solidified into impassiveness.
“What? Since when?” He asked, confused.
“Now.” She said as she looked into the low fire. “Just now.”
He made her look at him in the eye. “You’re just scared. It doesn’t matter that you’re leaving, I love you. None of it matters.”
“It’s too late,” She said, still stone-faced. “I don’t love you anymore.”
“Stop doing this. Don’t pull away from me when we need each other the most.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t need you.”
“Can you honestly say you feel nothing for me? You can’t, I know you can’t. Just, please. Don’t do this,” he pleaded with her. “You aren’t helping either of us by doing this.”
She didn’t reply to him, she just continued to stare at him. This was not the person who had been in love with him since she was twelve years old, who had planned the rest of her life with him. That person had stepped away, allowing this stranger control.
She didn’t speak again, regardless of how much he begged her to please talk to him. The only thing she did respond to was a sudden commotion from outside. There was screaming and chaos, the sky alight with fire. She rose for the door but he grabbed her arm before she could leave.
“You promised,” He said, his voice breaking.
He pleaded with his eyes for her to stay but she just turned away. He could have collapsed into a heap from the force of that final blow but his family was out there. The ministry had fallen, the Death Eaters had arrived. Hermione was already gone.
When the Death Eaters had finally gone and the remaining Weasley family had finished cleaning the disorder, Fred got more drunk than he had been since he was sixteen.
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It had been three months since she had gone. George had since moved back into the Burrow, claiming a want to be there for their Mum. Fred suspected it was to avoid him, not that he could blame George. He couldn’t bring himself to wash the sheets or move anything Hermione had left in the flat. There was one of his t-shirts she liked to sleep in still neatly folded under her pillow where she had put it the morning of the wedding. Her books piled on most empty surfaces of his living room, she had meant to clean them but hadn’t gotten around to doing so. She existed only as a ghost to him now. He embraced it, the haunting memory of her love the only way he could feel she was with him. He could hear her in the silence of the flat, see her in the corner of his eye. If she were to come back, Fred would be right where she had left him.
He considered that maybe this wasn’t healthy, that she was still alive and fighting to end the war, but she had refused any and all communication. She had taken off her bracelet without him even realising. He had found it in her bedside drawer. He sent a Patronus one night, the bird impatiently flying out of his open window. He had wondered that if he could fly fast enough, would if he able to follow the bird to her. Even if he could have, he was disappointed to find later the wispy figure returned having been unable to find her. She had made herself untraceable, even to him.
It was on one of the days George had dragged him to the Burrow that they received any type of update. Ron trudged through the kitchen door, shabby and crabby but no worse for wear. For a heartbeat, Fred allowed himself to hope that it was over. That Hermione and Harry would follow in behind him, smiles on their faces. It wasn’t over.
He learnt from Ron that they had been listening to Lee Jordans’s Potterwatch. This made his heart lift by some degree. He had put, into the broadcasts, messages to Hermione to remind her that he was still here, waiting for her, fighting for her. He insisted, when the next broadcast came, to speak.
Christmas was the most melancholy in Weasley history. Not only were Harry and Hermione still out facing Merlin knows what, Percy was still in London, Arthur was under strict surveillance at the Ministry and Ginny’s account of Hogwarts sounded near dystopian. Ron had also grown more and more miserable. He spent most of his day in silence, stewing. Fred pulled him aside that night when everyone had retreated to bed early, eager to have the day be over.
“You’re going back, aren’t you?” Fred asked.
“I don’t know how, but I’m going to try,” Ron admitted.
Fred nodded at him. “I need you to do something for me.”
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He was woken from his bed in the middle of the night. Disorientated in the unfamiliar bedroom at their Aunt Muriels, he almost missed George’s words. “She’s at the cottage.”
He shot up, alert. “What do you mean? Bill’s cottage? Right now?” He raced around the room already getting dressed.
“Fred, sit down,” George said morosely from where he sat on the bed. “That’s not all.”
Fred sat down begrudgingly, already apprehensive of the expression on his brother’s face. “What else is there?”
“They got caught by snatchers.” George began slowly.
Fred shot up again, unable to remain still. He wanted to rush there. Why was his brother still sitting?
“Fred,” George said. His voice caught and Fred saw for the first time that there were tears running down his face. “She was taken to Malfoy Manor. They-” He again choked on his words. “They interrogated her; used the cruciatus curse and carved into her arm.”
Fred sank to the floor. This had to be wrong. Hermione was fine, she had to be fine. He shot up, once again rushing to get ready. “Why aren’t we leaving? We need to see her.”
“I’m sorry, Freddie,” George said, still sitting on the bed. “I’ve only just found out. Harry had Bill and Fleur sworn to secrecy for their own safety.”
Fred stopped. “What are you saying, George?” He looked at him in dread.
“They’re leaving,” George explained.
“What do you mean ‘leaving’? She needs to heal!” Fred said frantically.
“They’ve been there for weeks already,” George said. “They need to keep going now more than ever, you know they do.”
Fred sat on the bed beside his brother, wiping his eyes and rubbing his forehead. “When do they go?” He asked.
“I don’t know exactly,” George admitted. “But if you leave now, you might catch them.”
Fred looked to him, a hopeful glint in George’s eye. He stood without speaking and apparated out of their small room.
He apparated on the beach. The cascading waves tremulously pounded into the sand, the shriek of gulls echoing in his ears. From the raised cliffs a small distance away, he saw four figures. One was short, he thought perhaps a goblin, two were Ron and Harry, he was sure of it after recognising them during quidditch so often from a distance. The last, however, was a mystery. It was a woman, he was sure of that, but her stature was unfamiliar to him. They disappeared from the cliff before he had the chance to call out.
He looked to the small house, Hermione must still be within. He ran, kicking up sand and almost tripping in the weeds. He charged through the door, scaring Bill and Fleur inside.
“Fred?” They looked to him in confusion.
“Where’s Hermione?” he blurted, already hectically searching the kitchen. When he didn’t find her he charged through the door, searching the whole house before returning to the kitchen. He looked at them expectantly.
“She just left,” Bill said, baffled by his brother's behaviour.
“But I,” Fred began, deflating. “No one told me.”
Bill got up, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Fred. She told us she didn’t want you to know.”
He had to get out of this house, the house where she had hidden from him in. He stormed out of the door, apparating away as soon as he was outside of the surrounding boundary.
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Fred hadn’t remembered putting it in his jacket, the fake Galleon he had received from Hermione as part of Dumbledore’s army two years ago, but the next day it reactivated. The heat of the coin cut through the fabric, warming his chest where it rested against his skin. Pulling it out, Fred examined it. The date had changed around the edge. Today. Now. He had to tell George.
His twin already knew, in his hand a small radio calling repeatedly:
Lightning has struck! Lightning has struck!
“Ready Fred?” George asked.
“Ready George!” Fred replied.
He wasn’t sure if it was purposeful, clothes matching with his brother’s, or a subconscious link to connect them through what was to come. Either way, when they stepped into the tunnel in the Hog’s Head, they did it as a team.
They entered the cramped base, like the other Order members, to whoops and cheers. Dozens of students crowded around the mouth of the tunnel to greet them. Fred paid them half-hearted greetings, his eyes searching the room.
He found her by instinct, seven years of watching her had that effect. She was scruffy, her favourite hoodie smeared with dirt and her hair half falling out of its braid, but her eyes were alight and met his.
He pushed through the crowd, desperate to be closer to her. When he approached, neither said any words and moulded against each other in a tight embrace. Home. He was home for the first time in months. Both of their faces were soaked with tears when they parted, coming together in a watery kiss.
“I’m sorry,” Hermione said against his skin. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She kept repeating it, pulling him closer as she did.
“Hermione,” Fred said, pulling back the least he could to see her. “It’s good to see you.”
They didn’t have time for a longer reunion. Snape was rallying all of the students, it was time. They kept ahold of each other all the while, from the seventh floor to the Great Hall and through everything that happened. When Snape retreated through the large stained glass window, glass showering down around them, they knew they had to let go.
“I need to go, he needs me.” She said.
“I know,” He replied. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She said, reaching up to give him a slow, meaningful kiss.
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The battle raged on around Fred who narrowly avoided the spells flying past his head. Midnight had passed and Voldemort’s forces had invaded the castle. He hadn’t seen Hermione since their separation before her search for the diadem. He could feel her presence through the bracelet he had had returned to her the day after Christmas.
With Percy at his back, they fought their way through the castle. Red and green exploded around them like fireworks. A distant part of Fred’s brain thought of the last time he had been in this castle and the exuberant display he had George had released. It felt so much longer than eighteen months ago.
Hermione, Ron and Harry emerged from down the corridor. The warmth caused by his proximity to Hermione fuelling his reflection and aiming of spells. He felt more alive and happy than he could ever remember feeling.
An errant spell de-masked the Death Eater Percy was duelling with. It was the Minister of Magic. Percy, likely filled with the same exhilaration as the rest of them, quipped to his superior.
“You actually are joking, Perce. I don’t think I’ve heard you joke since you were-”
Everything cut out.
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It had been the last time Fred had truly laughed in nine months. When they pulled his body from the wreckage of the demolished wall, the smile was still etched upon his face.
They had to move him, that much was clear, but Hermione didn’t want to abandon him again. She wouldn’t stuff him in a niche where a suit of armour had previously been as the others urged. There was only one Horcrux left, Harry and Ron could finish it together. She stayed with Fred as the world continued to fall apart.
They had come so close their happy ending. But that didn’t matter now.
Fred was dead.
They won the war in the end but a large part of Hermione never left that battle.
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She spent over a month clearing his stuff out of the flat. Seeing the physical impact of her decisions tormented her. He hadn’t moved anything, she was almost certain that if she went into the bathroom even her toiletries would be in the exact place she had left them. She had devastated him, made him miserable. How could she justify that breaking up with him had been what she had thought was best for him.
In the trunk at the end of their bed, she found a collection of parchment tied together by a cord of leather. They were letters, or at least some were, others were just half-finished notes or scribbled sentences.
Hermione, love, please let me speak to you.
Running away doesn’t help anyone...
I know why you did it but…
I miss you.
I still love you.
The phrases jumped from the pages, each of them a fresh strike. It took days before she could approach the trunk again. Buried at the bottom of the trunk, she found a sealed envelope with her name carefully written on it. Tentatively, she broke the wax to remove the letter.
Hermione,
If you’re reading this, I’ve died. I know I said nothing bad would happen so it would appear you are right again. Even the best of us are wrong sometimes, you’ll have to forgive me for that. Everyone wants a happy ending, mine was to live here with you until we were both old and grey. Life doesn’t guarantee anything, however, so capture happiness wherever you can.
I don’t blame you for leaving me. We are both very stubborn and I probably would have done the same in your position. I only regret the time we lost but I will be waiting on this side until you join me. Promise it won’t be for a long, long time. Until then, don’t be sad or mourn me. I have had a great life in this world and you have shown me what it means to truly love somebody and be loved in return. For that, I will forever be grateful. I am onto the next great adventure discovering the mysteries of what lies beyond.
I have written letters for George and the rest of my family, please deliver them for me. Give them all a kiss from me, for you have all of my love now and always.
Forever yours,
Fred.
#fremione#fremione fanfiction#fremione fanfic#fred weasley#fred deserved better#Fred Weasley x Hermione Granger#Fred x Hermione#Harry Potter#hp#hp ff#hp fandom#hp fanfiction#fremione ff#weasley twins#fred and George weasley#fred and george#angst#fluff#hurt/comfort#harry potter fanfiction#fanfiction#fan fiction#dont hate me#I had to
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153 Questions for Americans
Listen, as far as I am concerned, America is a place where movies are set. I know you’re all real but you don’t feel quite real, you know. Somebody actually grew up in New York? Impossible - that only exists on TV. I have questions. And somewhere out there, there is an American bored enough to answer them. Or at least some of them.
I feel I should clarify that none of these are loaded questions. I’m asking these with no agenda other than burning curiosity. There’s no judgement or meanness behind them. I’m sorry that I sound incredibly stupid.
1) Do you think of yourselves as American, or does your state come first?
2) Where does the generic American accent come from? The one most people in movies have? Is it Californian, cos that’s where movies tend to be made? That’s my current working theory.
3) Is it true that you don’t have egg cups?
4) Is it normal to live in one state all your life and never go to another, even for a visit, or would that be weird?
5) Are all school buses really yellow, like in movies? 5b) Why? Are they all owned by the same company or do different groups keep identical yellow buses for this one purpose?
6) Do you have semi-detached houses in America? They’re never in movies.
^^ These houses! Where two houses are mirror images of each other and share a joining wall. Do you have those?
7) Turkey is your classic Thanksgiving meat, I think? So what’s your classic Christmas meat?
8) There must be an insane number of colleges/universities in a country that size. How do you narrow down your choices? Do most people stay in their home state?
9) Are school sports really as big of a deal as movies make them out to be?
10) How do you decide if your school is an obsessed-with-basketball school or an obsessed-with-football school? Is it regional? Have movies exaggerated this binary too much and I’ve got the wrong idea?
11) Are there any girls’ sports teams at schools or is it basically just cheerleading?
12) What is a pep rally and also why is a pep rally? Who goes to them?
13) Do cheerleaders wear their uniforms around school casually like they do on TV? Wouldn’t a sports uniform need to be taken off post-training for cleanliness reasons? Do they only wear it before training to save the trouble of getting changed?
14) Does the average American family own a gun or are they not as widespread as it is made to seem? Is that regional too?
15) How similar is the culture between, say, Montana and New Mexico? Do they feel like the same country?
16) Do you get sheriffs in cities or is it only out in the middle of nowhere? What’s the difference between a sheriff and a police captain?
17) Is prom as big of a deal in real life as it is in movies?
18) Are prom queens a real thing and, if so, how do they work? Are there duties involved or is it just wearing a tiara for a night? Can anyone be voted in or is there a pre-prom shortlist? Do you have to apply?
19) What is stereotypically American, from the perspective of an American? I know what the stereotypes are over here, but how do you stereotype yourselves?
20) Why does Alabama have a reputation for incest? Is there a historical basis or do people just not like Alabama very much?
21) Is it true that you don’t have roundabouts, or do you just not have as many / don’t have them everywhere? (You might call them something else - the little islands in a crossroads that you have to circle round)
22) If you were asked to name European cities, what would be the first ones you would name?
Clarification: If somebody asked me to name American cities, my brain would immediately go: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago. By the time it had thought of those, it would already be saying: Las Vegas, Washington DC, New Orleans, San Francisco. Then, Detroit, Miami, Seattle, Boston, Baltimore. After that, I would have to actively stop and think of another one. So, if somebody just says ‘European cities - go!’ what does your brain immediately leap to?
23) Are those gigantic supermarkets (superstores???) standard across the country? What do the big brands (Walmart?? Target?????) look like in cities? Are they still that huge?
24) Do the big grocery brands have specific personalities/reputations? What are they? Which one do middle class people look down on, for example?
25) Is deep-frying everything something you really do or is it more of a regional delicacy / special occasion type deal?
26) Do the states that are more “famous” (California, and the like) feel more or less American because of it? Are you a cultural beacon, or are you an independent entity shackled down to the rest of them?
27) Do the states that often get ignored (Montana?? Iowa?????) feel more or less American because of it? Does your isolation make you separate, or are you bound together into a greater whole?
28) I get that different states have different laws. So say one state said you could get a driving license without having to take a test, but the next state insisted on standardised testing. Would a license issued by the first state still be valid in the second state? Could you cross the border to the state with easier specifications just to get a license?
29) Which universities / colleges are really the ones with good reputations? Obviously, places like Harvard and Yale are world-famous but I don’t really know any others unless a character in a movie is aspiring to one. Which are the names that command respect amongst real people?
30) Is the average American’s knowledge of geography or history beyond the US as poor as it is commonly described? Or is that more of a joke and the average person is perfectly well-informed, with a few outliers?
31) Are those red cups in party scenes a convenient movie prop, because they’ve become the stereotype of “oh, that cup has alcohol in it” or something, or are they actually used that universally? 31b) If they are that ubiquitous, what happens when red is the colour of the enemy sports team? That seems like something people would care about.
32) Do you really recite the pledge of allegiance at school every day? If yes, is it done sincerely or just because it’s tradition?
33) Are flags as popular a décor choice as popular media seems to suggest?
34) Which state has the reputation for having the most attractive / sexiest people from it, or the people you would most want to date? Why? (I’m assuming this won’t be fully universal, but there are definite stereotypes of ‘guys from this region aren’t the romantic sort’ and ‘girls from this region are easy’ in other countries so you must have something)
35) What kind of cheeses do you have? This probably sounds insane, or possibly a little patronising, but whenever you see cheese in an American context, it tends to be those little plastic squares that look like linoleum flooring. Yet Americans are really into putting cheese in everything, so there must be other types. But I couldn’t name a single type of cheese off the top of my head as being a known American cheese. So what are the standard cheeses of an American household?
36) Is that “biscuits and gravy” thing that people sometimes post pictures of when talking about the difference in biscuits across the Atlantic actually a thing people eat? On what occasion? And if that’s gravy, what do you call the stuff you pour on meat and potatoes? Are they both gravy?
37) Do young people really hang around at shopping malls all weekend, or is that a movie thing?
38) Do Americans eat custard? I’ve never heard an American mention custard.
39) If you had to pick an area of the country that is “where rich city folk go to pretend to get back to nature despite being afraid of dirt” where would it be? Or does every state have their own bit where people from their own cities go to buy big old houses and complain about phone reception?
40) Why do Americans still talk about themselves as being, for example, “a quarter Welsh, a sixth Irish, a bit Swedish, but mostly German”? I don’t mean the people whose parents moved there, but the people who have been there for generations. Do you really feel connected to the cultures/countries your ancestors were from? Is “American” more of a circumstance than an identity?
41) Is Easter a widespread secular event in America or purely religious-based? What would a typical Easter celebration involve? Do you have the fruit cake and funny hats, like we do?
42) If you had to pick one song already in existence to be your new national anthem, what would it be and why?
43) I know that it is possible to be made to repeat a grade, possibly several times, if you don’t get the required exam results. How common is that? Does it happen a lot, or is it more of a threat to hold over kids?
44) Are there limits on how early you can legally drop out of school, or could a child stop attending at any age? For example, where I grew up it would be illegal to leave school before the age of sixteen but movies seem to imply you can drop-out earlier in the US.
45) What is homecoming? Who is coming home, and where from?
46) What is a more important social event: prom, or homecoming?
47) Can anybody attend homecoming, even the freshmen? I have this vague idea sports has something to do with it and it would seem logical that some freshmen play sports but how does that work logistically?
48) Does homecoming also have a queen? Do she and the prom queen compete in some way? Which one outranks the other?
49) Are there buses in America? Other than the school bus or the occasional long-distance coach, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bus in American media. Does a standard public-transport bus system exist? Is it only in some places?
50) Why are trains not a more popular mode of long-distance travel in America? Or are they but it doesn’t make for as dramatic a movie scene as a desperate non-stop road trip?
51) Are freshmen and sophomores really called that? Is it colloquial, or would you see it on official paperwork?
52) Do teenagers get to choose which subjects they study to exam level at high school, or does everybody have to take a final exam in everything?
53) Are places like Puerto Rico, or American Samoa, thought of as extensions of the country? Do they seem American to mainland Americans?
54) Does Alaska ever feel left out, being up there on its own?
56) Teen novels seem to suggest there’s an endless succession of school dances in high schools. Spring dances, winter balls, proms, homecoming, ladies’ choice dances… Is that true? If so, do people really care about them or is non-attendance no big deal?
57) Is Halloween as big an event as movies suggest, or was Hocus Pocus not representative?
58) Sometimes from the outside, it seems that we know more about what’s going on with American foreign policy than Americans do. Does it seem that way, as Americans, about other countries? That you’re getting information that is not being shared with their citizens?
59) Do Americans really like British accents that much, or is that just a small but vocal handful on the internet? Do different foreign accents go in and out of fashion?
60) What is the whole deal with white shoes and Labour Day? Or was that just a line in Legally Blonde?
61) Do American teenagers really have sex in cars a lot or is that a movie thing?
62) Do American teenagers really sneak out of the house at night a lot, especially via the window, or is that also a movie thing?
63) Are people as blasé about tornados as they seem or is that bravado? Are tornados really that common that people can just shrug about them and carry on with their day?
64) What age are the majority of people when they are learning to drive? Not what age can they legally learn; what age do most people actually learn.
65) How many of the things you might call an American stereotype really only apply to one specific region?
66) Are taxicabs yellow everywhere or is that just a New York thing?
67) Are Sweet Sixteen celebrations a real thing? What happens at one? Is it just a particularly impressive birthday party or are there specific traditions?
68) Are sororities and fraternities as common or as important to college life as movies make them out to be?
69) Why would somebody join a sorority or a fraternity? What’s the point? (I know the phrasing of that sounds critical but I really don’t mean it like that. I just do not have the cultural context to understand what they’re actually for.)
70) So, I know that the price you have on price labels isn’t the price you pay because of tax being a secret. I see you talk about this a lot. Does this mean the amount you’re asked for at the end is always a surprise, or are you all really good at mental arithmetic? Is calculating tax something you learn at school?
71) Do Americans generally have a good opinion of their fellow Americans?
72) Is New York the only place theatre really gets a chance to go big? That can’t possibly be true, it’s a massive continent, there must be incredible actors and writers and stuff hanging out somewhere in South Dakota or something. Is this why the people in Glee were so fixated on living in New York?
73) The garbage-eating drains you have in kitchen sinks…where do they lead to? Can you put anything down them?
74) Which parts of America are the parts other Americans go on vacation? Is it different to where foreigners want to visit?
75) Do any American schools have school houses or is that absolutely not a thing at all?
76) Do American schools have a system of merits or house points or some other way of giving a positive score for good behaviour that adds up to something eventually? Or is good behaviour expected and therefore not given special recognition?
77) What actually is a hall monitor, and is it a position people respect or aspire to?
78) Is it as common for people to drive themselves and their friends to school as movies make out? How is there parking space for that many students with their own cars?
79) How did the town in Footloose have the power to ban dancing? Do individual towns have that much control over their laws and citizens? Does every town council get to make decisions that huge?
80) Are big house parties the most common place for teenagers to get drunk and hook up? It seems like that in movies but surely that would be inefficient? You’d have to keep waiting for somebody’s parents to leave town.
81) What is the deal with Americans hating France? Is that a real thing or was it just a throwaway joke in enough media for me to think it’s a real thing?
82) Why do people not live in national parks?
83) Which states actually count as “The South” and which ones are officially “The North”? Because it doesn’t seem like the line is just drawn across the middle.
84) Whenever you see Americans talking about candy on the internet, it’s always the same six or seven items. Are those just the big favourites and there are lots of other candy types around the place that don’t get a place on personality quizzes, or are there really only a handful of familiar items that are widespread? Do different states have different candy?
85) Which sport is most central to American identity? I’d assume it was one of the three (baseball, basketball, American football) but is one of them more important than the others?
86) Are all your prisons out in the middle of the desert or something?
87) There’s this sort of mythology around an American idea of just getting a plot of land and building your home on it and making it your own, with an implication that you can grab anywhere and do whatever you like with it. Are planning laws that relaxed, or is that more something you could do in the 1800s that has taken up a place in cultural mythology?
88) When kids are hanging out in someone’s yard or an empty lot on a summer day, what game or sport would they be most likely to be playing? It feels like American football, for example, wouldn’t be very good for that, and it’s hard to improvise a net for basketball.
89) Is it strange to live in a large city that nevertheless is virtually unknown nationwide because all the attention goes to the enormous cities? Or are these places known nationwide and it’s just internationally that they get forgotten?
90) How far from somewhere would you have to be to consider yourself in the middle of nowhere?
91) How localised are things like local news or local tv? Is it every state? Every county? Every major town and its surroundings?
92) Does national television have to take place at different times regionally because of time zones?
93) Is there a reason why American recipes measure everything in cups, even the things that it doesn’t make sense to put in a cup e.g. solid items that don’t fill the space so could vary in cup-filling volume? A cup full of butter is a different thing if the butter is in blocks to if it is poured in, as it were, to fill to the edges completely. Is there a trick to it?
94) Is marching band the only kind of band you have at schools? Is there no orchestra? Swing band? Concert ensemble?
95) Why do you have marching bands at schools? Where are they marching to? Do you have a lot of parades?
96) If you had to choose one (non-reality) TV show that best represents what life is actually like in America, what would you pick?
97) What is spirit week? Is it important? Do people take it seriously? I think it might be something that happens at schools but beyond that, I have no idea.
98) How big is a school locker? Apparently big enough to fit a person in but are they standing comfortably or curled into a tiny ball? If it were person-height, wouldn’t it have shelves in it? Does the victim go on a shelf?
99) When you dress up for Halloween, can you be anything? I mean, could a kid going trick or treating conceivably wear any costume at all? It doesn’t have to be spooky?
100) On a similar note, in movies there are always wild packs of children roving around on Halloween, filling the streets with their trick-or-treating. It’s crowded. Kids are running everywhere. There’s a gang knocking on every door. Is that movie magic or is Halloween really like an unofficial street party?
101) Do you have half-term holidays? I assume you wouldn’t call them that. Mid-semester break, maybe? You know. The week off in the middle.
102) Do you have days when you don’t have to go to work or school that aren’t for a special celebration? Just…days when the country stops working? Or, at least, most of it because cafés would always be open on that sort of day.
103) Which is the bigger deal: Thanksgiving, or the Fourth of July?
104) How diverse is the landscape in any given state? If you take, say, Ohio, does it all look like roughly the same place all the way through or are there lots of different landscapes going on? I feel like there should be, but there’s still this very typical image of what Ohio is.
105) Do people care about what clothes they wear to school or does the fact that everybody sees everybody every day mean that it all stops mattering?
106) What makes something a diner rather than a café, a restaurant, or whatever else? What defines a diner?
107) What is the one, singular, most significant place in the USA? (I realise this could be controversial)
108) What would you, as an American, say was the best thing America has ever done, or the most important contribution it has made to the world? There’s no need to be coy here, I’m not asking for a fully-analysed unbiased dissertation on the subject, I just want to know what people are thinking. A person, an invention, an action…whatever takes your fancy.
109) How does a state fair work? Is it really a fair for the whole state? Wouldn’t it have to be the size of a city for that? Does all of that get taken down at the end of the week and packed away, or do bits stay standing?
110) Are music festivals an upper class thing? Coachella seems to be an upper class thing but, then, I don’t really know what Coachella is, only that celebrities are there. Are there other music festivals of significance?
111) When Americans say things like “We drove from New York to California last weekend, didn’t even stop to sleep, no big deal”, is there an element of bravado to that or is it completely genuine? I get that you drive long distances very casually but is there a point where those distances do become a big deal and a serious trip, you just pretend they don’t to mess with non-Americans?
112) Is summer camp a normal thing for people to do, or is it something the minority of people send their kids to but it makes for a convenient movie setting so we see it a disproportionate amount?
113) Is a maths summer camp a thing or was that a joke in one book I read once? What would you even do at a maths summer camp?
114) Is standing just inside the entrance of a shop and yelling a greeting at anyone who walks in a real job or is that a movie joke I don’t have the context to understand? If it is a job, is that the whole job or are you expected to do other things at the same time?
115) Okay, the thing about the gap between the door and the wall in a bathroom stall. Is that as widespread as people say? I mean, is it everywhere? If so, there simply has to be a reason for it, it’s too weird otherwise, so does anybody out there know what’s going on with that?
116) What actually is Kool-Aid? Is it true that you can drink it and use it as hair dye?
117) What is an American Girl Doll? It seems to be a big deal but I can’t really figure it out. Is it just a brand of doll or is there more to it?
118) Are the indicator lights on your cars officially called blinkers or is that more of a colloquial thing? Or not a thing at all? Would they be called that on your driving test? In a car manual?
119) What actually is a GPA? What is it based on? And what counts as a good one?
120) Is pancakes for breakfast a normal thing or a special occasion thing?
121) What are cooties? I feel like I ought to know this, it comes up so often in various bits of media, but I’ve never actually figured out what it means.
122) Is going to a pumpkin patch and just hanging out a real thing? Do you take pumpkins home with you? How about when you go apple picking? Are all these cutesy autumn activities a normal thing to do or is it just in romantic comedies?
123) How do school qualifications work? Are the exams you take at the end of high school, when you’re eighteen or whatever, the only ones that count if you’re looking to get a job? Or are there, sort of, mid-high-school exams that could also count towards something? Is it just “high school” then “degree” or are there other levels, is what I’m trying to ask.
124) What is making out? By which I mean, what makes something “making out” rather than just kissing? Where’s that line drawn?
125) I understand that school newspapers are a thing. But do people pay to buy them? Other students? What kind of things do you write about in a school paper?
126) How does seeing the doctor work? Do you book an appointment with a local practitioner? Are there clinics? Does everybody wait until it’s an emergency? They don’t see doctors on TV unless they’re dying.
127) In Glee, they had slushie machines in the school. Which were used as weapons of bullying. Is that real? Are you allowed slushie machines?
128) Why is the president addressed as “Mr President”? Is there some historic reason? It seems odd to me, like calling somebody Mr Shopkeeper or Mr Insurance-Salesman. Is it because it is so clearly not a peerage title and that was important when America began? That’s my working theory based on no history whatsoever.
129) I understand that tipping servers at a restaurant and so on is very, very important but does that extend to other jobs? Do you tip postmen, for example, when they deliver your mail? Or shop assistants for bagging up groceries for you?
130) Is a school mascot a) a real thing and b) a position of prestige?
131) How do Girl Scout cookies work? Do the Girl Scouts make them themselves from secret recipes? Is it just a cookie company they happen to have a good relationship with for bake sales? It seems important but I can’t unravel the mystery.
132) What’s Delaware like? No stories ever seem to be set there. Nobody ever really mentions it. What goes on in Delaware?
133) Somebody mentioned something called “color guard” once, which I think is something that happens at schools, but I don’t know what it was or whether they were messing with me. I’ve never knowingly seen it in a teen movie. Tell me about color guards. It sounds so fake. What are they guarding?
134) I know that legal drinking age is twenty-one, but what age would you say the average person started drinking? I don’t mean “had a glass of wine at a family dinner” but I also don’t mean “drank to black-out”. Just…drank socially with the aim of getting at least tipsy.
135) I can already tell that this is a silly question but what is under the bleachers? People seem to have clandestine meetings there a lot, but I thought bleachers were just benches. How do you get under them, and what is there once you do? Is hooking up there something people do in real life?
136) How small is a small town? Is it based on population or more on facilities e.g. if it has a certain number of basic shops, it becomes a normal-sized town?
137) Movies seem to think that being involved in music or theatre at school is deeply uncool. This is so contrary to my own experience at school, that I have to ask whether it is true or not? If so, is there a reason why or is it just one of those adolescent mysteries?
138) Does everybody have those netting screens over their windows or is that only in regions prone to, say, mosquitos?
139) Do small towns tend to have their own little tiny high schools or do the students have a long commute every morning to a bigger high school elsewhere? How far is considered acceptable/normal to travel to get to school?
140) When it comes to prom, is it considered really important to get a date or do lots of people turn up alone / with friends? If you do have to have a one-on-one date, is it usually romantic or is it acceptable just to pair up with a friend? Movies are very intense about this and I’m not sure the portrayal is accurate.
141) Do most schools have big theatre auditoriums with fully-functional stages and raked seating, or is that just High School Musical?
142) Is sex ed really as poor as people joke about it being, on average? Is abstinence education the norm, or is it rarer but we hear about it a lot because it’s so controversial?
143) Are chastity clubs at schools a real thing? If so, why, when almost all students must be underage? I mean, I know people are having underage sex but why make a club about obeying the law? I don’t mean for this to sound all judgemental, I’m just really lacking the cultural background to make sense of this.
144) Which is the most popular state, the one the fewest number of people hate? Is there even one that is universally well-liked?
145) Would you normally refer to your country as “America” or “the US” or “the USA” or, I don’t know, some other variation? It seems pretty interchangeable but is there a preference?
146) Is the “no outside food in the movie theatre” rule as rigorously enforced everywhere as general media would suggest? TV shows make it seem pretty militant but they might be exaggerating for comic effect.
147) Is kindergarten a part of the compulsory school system or is it more of an optional pre-elementary-school step that only some people attend? What do you do in a kindergarten?
148) What makes somebody a redneck? Is it just a catch-all for the rural poor or is there something more specific behind it?
149) Why is spring break supposedly this wild party time? What makes that a more suitable time for crazy shenanigans than, say, the autumn? Or July?
150) What is the difference between college and community college?
151) If you could pick one place to add as a new state, where would you choose?
152) If you had to get rid of one state, which one would you kick out of the union?
153) What is a letterman jacket for and why is it called a letterman jacket?
154) Washington DC. How does it work? I understand that it’s not a state, but if it’s not a state in a federal system, who governs it? Who runs the schools? And if the big elections are held by every state collecting their votes, figuring out the majority, then passing that on or whatever, how does Washington DC vote? Do they have people in the electoral college, whatever that turns out to be? What is going on there? Do real people actually live in DC or is it just politicians / people who serve politicians?
If you’ve actually read this far and have even the slightest intention of answering any of these questions, you are a true angel and I love you. I’m sorry they’re not divided up into thematic groups or anything like that. I’ve been collecting this list for a few years now and I thought I might as well just ask at this point.
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12 Months’ Pandemic Chronicled | #51 | March 2021
Happy Palm Sunday yesterday, and Happy Passover from the night before! Right under two weeks ago, March 16, 2O2I, marked the one-year anniversary to the close of my first Peace Corps Mongolia service. While I’ve continued to serve virtually, I’ve done so informally as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. Having lived these past 12 months back in the States, today’s tales chronicle that year.
Also commemorating the one-year anniversary, I’ve uploaded dozens of photos from my first nine months serving Mongolia. You can find those on my Instagram and Facebook, from February and March. I begin today’s stories with those. From there, I chronicle my journey across the year.
Evacuating Mongolia (February 2O2O)
February’s final week, on Ash Wednesday 2O2O, I was in Mongolia celebrating the third day of Tsagaan Sar, its Lunar New Year. Returning to my apartment from my last supper, I read an email from Peace Corps Mongolia that we were evacuating. I pulled an all-nighter packing my apartment. Shortly after sunrise, I visited a Peace Corps neighbor’s apartment to pack theirs. Then in my final two days, I said hasty goodbyes to community members, exchanging parting gifts.
Sunday morning, which began Peace Corps Week and March 2O2O, I and fellow Volunteers loaded into Peace Corps vehicles and rode in our caravan till evening. Then the snowstorm caused us to need to stay overnight in a hotel coincidentally located in a city that my cohort would frequent during our summer 2OI9 for training. My evacuation group reached Mongolia’s capital Monday afternoon, with briefings from staff throughout Tuesday. Mongolia had already begun to enforce mask-wearing and physical-distancing, so we couldn’t do much with our final hours in Mongolia. Indeed, since mid-January, many public places had already closed due to quarantine.
Wednesday night, the week after my peers and I had received notice of our evacuation and now mere hours before my group would depart the country, we awaited the arrival of fellow Peace Corps peers to the capital. For, Peace Corps staff staggered our arrivals into and departures from the capital to account for both the time drivers would need to assemble us from across the nation and the limited flight options still going out of the country. Those of us who remained awake through our final night enjoyed getting to see and embrace peers for our final moments together.
Over the course of Thursday, March 5, my group flew first from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, through Moscow, Russia, to Berlin, Germany. Many of our itineraries diverged. From Germany, I and a few flew to Amsterdam, the Netherlands. From the Netherlands, I and a couple others flew to New York, New York. I slept four and a half hours’ in a hotel. Then I flew alone Friday from New York to Las Vegas, Nevada. I returned to my home of junior high and high school in North Las Vegas.
American Twilight Zone (March 2O2O)
My first few weeks in the States felt weird, not just because of reverse culture shock. Back in Mongolia, fellow Peace Corps Volunteers, particularly Health Volunteers, had followed American media and read that our presidential administration had been downplaying the COVID-19 pandemic. Problematically, too, when leaders acknowledged it, some labeled it the “China virus” and accused Asians of spreading it. These set the tone.
When I arrived in New York, I felt perturbed by the lack of mask-wearing and physical distancing. The morning when I’d fly out, I felt annoyed when the worker who checked me into my flight joked that I might have the virus since I’d flown in from Mongolia. Mongolia had no COVID cases—and wouldn’t have its first community transmission till November 11, 2O2O. Friends, too, when I said that I’d come back, distrusted that I couldn’t have the virus. So, although Peace Corps peers and I had already been quarantining nearly a month and a half before returning to the States—and very much craved to reconnect with folks—we found ourselves again isolated.
Then Vegas felt weird. Nevada had reported its first COVID case the day before I returned, yet Mongolia hadn’t any. Yet Mongolia had shut down, and Nevada hadn’t. Society moved as though little was happening. My brothers still had school and were gone most of most days. Dad worked weekdays out-of-town. Thus, while I lived again in the States, even inside my family’s home, I was the only one around. I felt lonelier than how’d I’d felt before leaving my life abroad.
The Filipina family of my father’s fiancée was perhaps the most understanding of my circumstances. The oldest daughter was celebrating her birthday that first Sunday, March 8, since my return to the States. So, I got to join them in enjoying the occasion. As I’d come to learn, Mongolia and the Philippines had more cultural similarities than I’d expected. I’d also feel dismayed to learn that people weren’t treating the youngest daughter kindly in her food service role, for some customers believed that her being Asian meant that she had the Coronavirus.
Resettling Into Lent (March 2O2O)
Most every morning, my first few days and weeks, tracks from Disney's “Frozen II” became my anthems. I’d seen the film that Friday, March 6, when I’d flown alone back to Vegas. I’d connected especially with “Show Yourself,” “Some Things Never Change” and “The Next Right Thing.” I started to learn the lyrics not only in English but also in Mandarin Chinese and Spanish.
My local church was still open. Meanwhile, in Mongolia, our church had been closed for nearly months. So, I attended services daily. I overheard old parishioners wondering what all this pandemic talk was about. I visited Reconciliation and a Stations of the Cross service. I applied to sing in the choir with which my late mom sang.
My second week in the States, church and schools closed. Meanwhile, Peace Corps announced its global evacuation. My peers and I weren’t to expect to return to Mongolia this summer and instead were to expect that fall would be the soonest. My youngest brother’s hs senior spring ended abruptly, so he stuck around at the house. Our oldest brother left to quarantine with his girlfriend and her sisters.
I cleaned much in and around the house. My greatest achievement early in the pandemic was to lead a garage clean-up with all siblings when my sisters visited. The task enabled us to at last park a vehicle in it once more. My siblings and I donated, too, decades of belongings.
Among the unearthing, I dove deep into family history. I wrote up my understanding of my father's and my late mother's ancestries, which were also mine. Months later, I'd join WikiTree, talk to distant relatives and migrate large swathes of history onto the platform.
Easter in Action (April–May 2O2O)
Gloom seemed to enshroud the world by Easter. I saw from the telly the Vatican's Lenten services, witnessing Pope Francis’ words from his city to the world and for Holy Week. His Good Friday Way of the Cross felt especially moving, for prisoners had written beautiful reflections that made me realize how little of a prison our quarantine was.
My younger sister in LA had also returned to visit Vegas. I resumed daily exercise routines, including trying to concurrently complete handheld video games and walk miles on the treadmill. This began my May push to make the most of my days back in America. I kicked up a daily Duolingo habit, rising through leagues, and talked regularly with Mongols during early mornings. Such helped my sanity, especially when state offices gave me a hard time trying to get the unemployment assistance to which lawmakers entitled evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteers.
Around Memorial Day, an uncle and aunt visited from Kansas to celebrate my youngest brother’s high school graduation online. The relatives also took my siblings, a family friend and me on my first national parks trip in years. We saw Saguaro, Great Basin and Capitol Reef. During the trip I’d grown my Goodreads library and soon enough uncovered the Libby app. The journey led me too to begin a pensive look back on my life.
Summer in Reno (June–July 2O2O)
Dad remarried on June 6, 2020. Shortly thereafter, I relocated to Reno to help Pa and Stepma (“Tita”) handle copious amounts of yard work. With more time to reflect, I took up the request of a homebound friend to pray rosaries daily over the phone with him.
Another friend of mine was going through a dark patch too but had a love of films. So each morning I’d rise early to see one of his recommendations then discuss it while working the yard if I wasn’t praying a rosary. I fondly recall the conversations while trimming plants, as I wander the Reno backyard even now.
Near the same time, the friend and another encouraged me to tell my stories. So I began to write a memoir, on which he’d give feedback. The other friend had me appear on his podcast. Both experiences made the summer feel very whole. In memory of my first summer in Mongolia 2OI9, I also wrote a more detailed series on those experiences. [Arrival (June 2OI9), Meeting Host Family (July 2OI9), Summer’s End (August 2OI9)]
I celebrated my 23rd birthday in Vegas with an overnight vigil, praying 23 rosaries alone and with Catholic friends from around the globe. I felt such joy to reconnect meaningfully with so many across languages and cultures. Languages became a growing theme for me. I’d also begun again playing Pokémon GO after having not played since 2OI6.
That summer, I finished seeing “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” (Season 7) as well as relevant bits from “Star Wars: Rebels.” I kept up with the Japanese episodes of “Pokémon Journeys: The Series.” Those, I’ve watched with English subtitles to know what’s happening. I’d also begun to read chapters of the Bible daily, at that time checking in weekly with an ol' friend. I started with Acts then Proverbs, Ephesians then Psalms. Meanwhile came Hebrews and John. Then were Ruth and Matthew. Now I read 1 Kings and Mark. I’d grown to appreciate both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles with renewed interest.
Autumn Languages (August–September 2O2O)
Much of that fall, I was back in Reno. Yet, my younger brother had also come to Reno for his undergraduate fall semester. The guest room where I’d stayed quickly became his room, which left me a tad displaced. Still, I stuck through. Mornings, I rose early to read through a Latin textbook before daily conversations with a close friend who’d majored in classics as an undergrad.
Meanwhile, I’d stepped up to arrange meetings with Congressional lawmakers on behalf of the National Peace Corps Association. I’d also taken on roles within my alma mater Honors College and within the Social Justice Task Force for the American Psychological Association’s Society for the Psychology of Religion and Spirituality. I kept people organized and took notes during meetings. Meanwhile, my siblings and I had been starting a scholarship foundation, so I’d taken point on negotiating a partnership with the Vegas-based Public Education Foundation.
As a nice break, I joined friends I’d met in high school on their near-monthly trips to national and state parks. These sights included Lassen Volcanic, Burney Falls and Tahoe’s Emerald Bay. Realizing that I wouldn’t return to Mongolia that fall, I booked a Department of Motor Vehicles appointment to renew my learner’s permit—The earliest appointment would be in December.
In entertainment news, I’d finished seeing “Queer Eye: We’re in Japan,” “Love on the Spectrum” and “Midnight Gospel.” I’d also started playing “Pokémon Masters EX” when I’d heard that it included characters from multiple generations. I enjoyed how the stories felt new yet nostalgic.
National Park Winter (October, November, December 2O2O)
October was a great month for my spiritual life. I got to attend my youngest sister’s Confirmation. I enjoyed my first retreat in years. I also got to tape videos for my alma mater.
Then I returned to Vegas some weeks to complete more yard work. I’d also relocated belongings in different rooms and was able to have my own bedroom back in Vegas. This gave me a decent space in which to work. From November, I’ve also been hosting weekly video calls to help Mongols from my community abroad continue to practice English.
I’d also listened to Riordan audiobooks, “Blood of Olympus” and “Hidden Oracle,” and various authors’ financial literacy materials. By December, “Kafka on the Shore” was a real highlight. In Reno, I saw too “The Mandalorian” (Seasons 1–2), emphatically recommended by a friend with whom I’d hiked at Red Rock Canyon. My other friends and I reunited to try again at Crater Lake and succeeded.
My siblings and I partnered with the Vegas-based Public Education Foundation to launch our family LinYL Foundation to honor our late mother with scholarships for students. Though my formal role’s within outreach, I’ve done a fair bit of organizational leadership given my undergrad experiences. I’ve also been helping another non-profit start-up. Through it, I’ve gotten to meet alumni of overseas programs.
My family celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas in Vegas with our stepsisters. I’d also celebrated American Independence Day with them. Christmas felt peculiar, as I’d returned from Mongolia to Vegas the Christmas before, too!
Then my national parks friends and I hit a new record, seeing Walnut Canyon, Petrified Forest, Meteor Crater, Sedona’s Devil’s Bridge and the Grand Canyon. Having successfully renewed my learner’s permit, I scheduled my driving test for the earliest date—February. I returned to Reno and at New Year’s reunited with friends for whom I’d participated in their wedding the year before.
Road to Rejuvenation (January–February 2O2I)
Following the U.S. elections came the presidential inauguration. I felt more at peace with the state of the nation after that. Though U.S. politics have absorbed media significantly throughout the pandemic, I felt relieved by the calls for unity and returns to political normalcy from Inauguration Day.
Meanwhile, I sought to kick off 2O2I strong, with renewed optimism and control. I practiced driving almost daily. I’d seen “Daredevil” (Season 3) too and progressed in the Blue Lions story of my younger sister’s “Fire Emblem: Three Houses” copy. At February’s start, after years of challenges, I secured my driver’s license.
Mid-February, my national parks friends and I saw Utah’s Mighty Five. Our trip spanned Canyonlands, Arches, Capitol Reef (different section), Escalante, Bryce Canyon and Zion. I got to help drive at the end from Vegas to Reno, a major milestone.
Thanks to Discord, I attended a virtual alumni reunion of my high school alma mater. I experienced our school's recreation in “Minecraft: Java Edition,” wandering into the classroom where I used to play “Minecraft” as a freshman. In “RuneScape,” after 12 years on-off, I’d achieved level 99 in all but the newest skill. I'd even gotten the characters I wanted in “Pokémon Masters EX” and nearly finished my Kanto Pokédex in “Pokémon GO.” (I've never before completed a Pokédex.)
I finished February recording music for my undergrad parish’s online edition to our annual performance for “Living Stations of the Cross.” I got to lector at and attend a friend’s baptism. I’d also soaked up my youngest sister’s boyfriend’s Disney+ again and saw “WandaVision” entirely. Its takes on grief and joy astounded.
Social Justice (March 2O2I)
These bring me to where and how I am today. I write from Reno, Nev., where snow had fallen and the weather grown warmer. Spring is here.
The announcement of increasing vaccines gave me lots of hope. Since I've lost so many people this past year to COVID-19 and other conditions I'm grateful that we may near the end. An email from and a check-in call with Peace Corps confirmed that summer would be the soonest I’m going back abroad. Still, I’ve kept in touch with my people in Mongolia.
My older brother and his girlfriend moved into the Vegas house, so I haven’t felt as obligated to be there. Thus, I’ve focused more time on the church in Reno.
A great fount of a spiritual joy for me has been getting to help lector for my college parish’s weekly Proclamations of the Word. I received particular acclaim for my reading from 2 Chronicles, for Lent’s Fourth Sunday, which delighted me. At the time I’d been reading 1 Kings, so I’d enjoyed recognizing parallels. In some ways the exercises are like a miniature college course. Beyond regular Sundays and Holy Week, I’d also lectored for such feast days as St. Joseph’s Day (March 19) and the Annunciation (March 25).
My siblings’ and my family foundation chose our first year of recipients. It’s been an exciting process, reading and witnessing our inspiring candidates. I hope that I'll get to meet these students someday, but ah, the pandemic.
I’ve gotten back into “Frozen II,” thanks to its authentic behind-the-scenes docuseries. I've also passed the one-year anniversary of my first seeing the film. Each morning I’ve sought to see something on Disney's platform—real' nice.
Our psychological division’s presidential task force for Social Justice released our statement about the Capitol riots, which received strong critics but stronger supporters. Then came the Atlanta situation.
In my U.S. Week 5I (Feb. 19–25), during a walk past the nearby elementary school, I’d had an unpleasant personal experience that led me to feel very grateful when the #StopAsianHate campaign began. I’ll likely share more later, but today’s blog story is about done.
Hope and Easter 2O2I (April 2O2I)
At the last Adoration activity before Easter, our parish offered Reconciliation, so I returned again. Absolution offers such sweet cleansing for my mind and soul. Now Holy Week begins. I'm still lectoring, too!
This summer, I hope to write more on my memoir. I’m still revising my research. I'm set to finish all five tiers of Duolingo Latin tomorrow. Then I'll get back to my textbook.
I still delight in chatting with ol’ friends. My national parks homies and I will hit Redwood next weekend. Then my parish has Spring Retreat. I look forward to getting vaccinated in coming months then hugging folks forevermore.
You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)
#Peace Corps#Mongolia#memoir#story#Catholic#God#memoryLang#Easter#Lent#USA#StopAsianHate#BlackLivesMatter#year#Coronavirus#COVID-19#Nevada#America#WithMe#Reno#social justice
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the man was FILLED with easter eggs and metaphors. here they are!
1. being in the room where it happens
in the lyric video for the man, we see a woman working so hard to try and get to where all the men are -- on top, both physically and metaphorically. in the music video, we see The Man starting out here, just another normal day at the office. another normal day in charge, and on top.
2. “i’d be a fearless leader”
The Man not so much as walks into the room and makes a few comments before getting applause for his work. at the same time, every desk in this office can be seen with a mountain of papers, files, and books stacked on top of them. for all the hard work that these people are doing in this office, The Man gets all the applause for a fraction of it.
3. the subway
now, obviously what we have here is what you have on any and every subway or other form of local transportation -- that one asshole who feels entitled to take up as much space as he wants at the discomfort of everyone around him. while i could get into how mansplaining is a metaphor for men feeling the right to take up more space in society then women, i won’t. instead, i want to focus on all the little details on this subway that tell men they can. at the very, very top of the frame, we see text at the bottom of an ad that says “because you DESERVE what you want” and the posters on either side of The Man tell us “mother nature doesn’t stand a chance” and “capitalize on the feeling”. this is how society treats men. they should get to do whatever they want, based only on their feelings or wants. this notion will become important in the subway station.
shoutout to the girl in the miss americana hoodie! i think we can safely say she’s listening to lover on her headphones.
4. the newspaper
for this image, i turned the brightness WAYYY up so we could read the newspaper. the leading headline is “what man won the year in celebrity dating?” with the caption “who crushed it this year?” one headline says “years most eligible CEO’s” and another says “men in love in sports”. now, i don’t have to tell you that taylor swift was vilified for her relationships. these headlines show the difference between how men and women are treated when it comes to relationships. what’s it like to brag about getting bitches and models?
on the back cover, we see a contrast between how men and women are viewed in society. the ad dedicated towards men has a very strong and tough vibe to it, and the article beneath it carries the title “it’s men against boys with no ladies around.” in fact, the only mention we get of said “ladies” is in the “style section” where we see two sexy, rail thin women posing at fashion shows. while society views men for their strength, women are supposed to be objects of beauty and desire, and nothing more.
5. here lies taylor swift’s reputation (and all her previous albums)
now, obviously, the sign says “missing, if found, please return to taylor swift” and grafitied on the walls are the names of the albums whose masters taylor does not own. remember when those ads on the subway told men that you DESERVE what you want? that’s what empowered The Men who stole taylor’s masters to take them. they wanted them, after all! let’s also remember that The Man is can be seen pissing on the wall in this shot. it’s a metaphor for The Men who own taylor’s old albums and are essentially pissing on all her hard work. we can also see “KARMA” written in big letters in the middle of all the albums, which invokes a lyric from look what you made me do: “all i think about is karma, and then the world moves on but one things for sure, maybe i got mine but you’ll all get yours”. pretty sure karma is coming for The Men who own taylor’s masters.
if you look closely, you can also see a sign to the left of The Man that says no scooters! sc*oter bra*n is not welcome at the 13th street station
6. “i’d be just like leo in st. tropez”
for your viewing pleasure, i have included an image of leo in st. tropez. we can see women in bikinis, and every sort of expensive, luxurious form of leisure you could think of. during the verse where we see The Man on the yacht, she sings “they’d say i hustled, put in the work, they wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this i deserve”. this is reminiscent of The Man when he was in the office and how, no matter how much work he did or didn’t do, he is heralded as a genius. the point of saying she’d be just like leo in st. tropez is not to try and call out leonardo dicaprio for going a cruise and having some fun. people should be entitled to celebrate and vacation however they please. the point is that women should be able to do the same thing.
7. The Man’s “walk of shame”
this is a metaphor for how men in society are treated when they take a misstep. while women can be criminalized and thrown the wolves, it appears that men always have people on their team, and in this case, hands lining up to be high-fived. men often are not held to the same standards as women, and even when they do something wrong, they face very little backlash for it, and normally have their own set of groupies or supporters telling them that they were really in the right (and they are allowed to believe it).
at the back of the hallway, there hangs a portrait of The Man pointing at the camera, as if to say “you ARE the man.” it feels like uncle sam, but in a “ i want YOU for us army whatever your heart desires” kind of way.
8. world’s greatest dad
the bar for men is so low that when they do the very minimum (in this case, merely look after their own child), they get commended for it. imagine if this were a woman. would she be applauded? no, she would probably be reprimanded for being on her phone and ignoring her child, like The Man did here.
9. bragging
this one is pretty self-explanatory. what’s it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? what’s it like when it’s all good if you’re bad and it’s okay if you’re mad? in this scene, we see The Man telling all his buddies about the bitches and models and dollars, and then freaking out on somebody.
10. raking in dollars
who's on the 100 dollar bill? he is! the serial number on this bill also ends in 13. i thought there might be more hidden goodies here, but if there are, the video isn’t in high enough resolution to tell. the only other thing i can make out was that it said “for motion picture use only” which i thought would be an easter egg until i rendered it in photoshop and could read it clearly. oh well!
11. raising money for the women’s charity
a problem we see in society a lot is people of privilege being an ally only by action, not by everyday behavior. here, we see The Man benefitting a women’s charity, but all throughout the video we haven’t seen him go out of his way to respect or give a voice to women. even in this shot, a woman stands on the sidelines while The Man takes all the glory. while he raises money for women, he has no other character traits that show he actually cares about them.
in a different shot of this scene, a water bottle from taylor’s merch can be seen on the sideline.
12. the unimpressed umpire
this is taylor’s dad! his name is scott. in a video full of mediocre men, scott is our resident Good Man :)
13. the freakout
in 2018, serena williams unleashed on an umpire who accused her of cheating and stuck her with her third penalty of the game -- penalties the whole crowd was certain she did not deserve. she even said at the time “To lose a game for saying that, it’s not fair. How many other men do things? There’s a lot of men out here who have said a lot of things. It’s because I am a woman, and that’s not right.” this is a DIRECT representation of this. it’s as they say, it’s all good if you’re bad, and it’s okay if you’re mad.
14. the hat
the hat our tennis attendant is seen wearing says “TS” in big letters, and in a circle around it, it says “i’d be a fearless leader, i’d be an alpha type.” taylor’s dad can also be seen wearing this hat.
15. the one where lover is NOT the happy couple’s first dance
first of all, this shit makes me SO uncomfortable. this is obviously an allusion to all the men who marry MUCH younger women, which is poignant because, again, taylor suffers mercilessly for her relationship choices, and they’re nowhere near as abhorrent as this. something also worth mentioning: scott borchetta is turning 58 this year. i’ll let you figure the rest out.
16. mr americana
any taylor swift fan will know that in january, taylor released a documentary with an intimate perspective on her life titled “miss americana” which focused a lot on the struggles taylor has overcome in her career. choosing miss americana to be a part of this video is a wise choice, because it highlights those same struggles that taylor is tackling in this music video. we can probably assume that mr americana faces significantly less struggles.
every part of this poster has been revamped to be man-centered, even down to the star role - tyler swift, not taylor.
17. take two
here, our director tells The Man that he needs to be sexier, and more likable. this reflects criticism that taylor and other women in the public eye hear almost daily. as i mentioned before, women in society are valued only as objects of beauty and desire, and here, we see the script flipped to bring that to light.
in this final scene, we leave the fantasy world of the music video that The Man is starring in, and go to what appears to be a woman-dominated world, insinuating that the universe of the music video is one opposite to our own. this drives home the claim that if taylor were the man, she would be the man.
18. dwayne the rock johnson
i thought that having the rock voice The Man was really poignant. think about the rock’s career -- started out as a wrestler, is now an actor, but he’s known for his kindness and his dedication to social justice. if you asked me if he had ever been a part of any scandal, i would tell you no. and that’s exactly who The Man is. that’s exactly who this song is about, and that’s who taylor is. she has had an insanely successful career spanning over a decade, crossing into multiple different genres and fields, and excelling at all of it. she’s friendly, hard working, a social justice warrior, and a philanthropist. but all of those things are pushed aside in favor of the negative. using the rock as The Man was the perfect way of finishing off the statement,
“if i was a man, i’d be the man.”
#the man#taylor swift#directed by taylor swift#lover#the man music video#this took me SO LONG to finish#i've had class and meetings all day so i have been writingi it since like eight am#BUT I FINALLY FINISHED IT#ii'm sure some of these things have already been said#but i just love writing posts like this so much#and this video was FILLED with meaningful and poignant stuff#i can't get OVER it#this video said EVERYTHING#i.....#there's nothing left to be said#i love it so much#random thoughts with grace
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hi i think tumblr might have eaten my previous ask but i'm a yr 12 in england considering pharmacy. unfortunately i don't know anyone i could ask about it so could you tell me a bit about the good the bad and the dirty of being a pharmacy student in the uk please? i'm trying to convince my parents that this is what i want but they feel that i'm not well informed enough so just something from a former student's pov would be great
(if not and you just didn't want to answer i'm really sorry about this and you don't have to answer)
Hi! I am so so so sorry for not responding - I thought I had but my post seems to have vanished :/ Also, a pre-warning, this’ll be SUPER long if you really want the good, the bad, and the dirty. Also I wrote thoughts as I had them so this is not in a coherent order sorry haha. If you have any questions, please let me know and I’ll do my best to help, my final exam to become a pharmacist is a week away so I might not respond super fast because I am Dying but I’ll do my best!
TLDR- pharmacy is fab.
Okay first, in case you don’t know, pharmacy is 4 years. Then you do a pre-reg year when you work full time, then you sit your final exam, then you’re a pharmacist. They’re reviewing this after covid broke the system completely and left my year in a mess, but for now that’s what you can expect to get yourself into.
The good!!!
Pharmacy is super interesting!! Learning about how medicines affect the body and how the body affects the medicines is so interesting, and you’ll become an expert in medicines - what to use when, what shouldn’t be used together, and how to get the most benefit out of them.
You’re with all the other pharmacy students SO much that you end up with a really close-knit group of friends because you’re all together all the time in lectures/labs/etc
It has great job prospects - you have a masters degree. Be a community pharmacist, a hospital pharmacist, an industry pharmacist, teach pharmacy, quit pharmacy and do science, there are SO many options that you can do with a pharmacy degree! And, at the end of uni you’re basically guaranteed a job.
Because pharmacy is SO intense, you have a lot of contact time, so you’re getting your £9,250 worth! You can expect to be in classes pretty much 9-5 for the first year or so, it’s super busy so you learn time management pretty fast!
By the time you graduate they’ll have changed the system so much that I’m p sure you’ll be a prescriber on graduation, or the year after which is SUPER cool and means you have even more job opportunities open to you.
Pharmacy labs have so much variety - you have chemistry labs (the classic - make paracetamol, extract aspirin, use chemicals), biology labs (microbiology and physiology too so monitoring heart rate etc), and then pharmaceutics labs - my one true love. Making creams, making tablets, making all sorts of medicines which is so much fun
You also have dispensing classes where you’re essentially learning how to be a pharmacist, how to dispense, how to check medicines, how to make sure they’re safe, how to advise patients on how to use them which is super fun!
As well as labs and dispensing classes, you’ll also have normal lectures, seminars, workshops etc so it’s super varied with lots of learning methods. Also you get to go on placements to put your learning into practice which really really helps!
It’s great to actually be a pharmacist - I LOVE helping people and being able to make a difference to patients
In uni most modules are mandatory, so as well as knowing your friends well, you’ll know your lecturers well. By 4th year I got on so well with most of my lecturers, it’s like a pharmacy family
You get to use a mixture of science and clinical skills - you use the science from A levels and the start of your degree and build upon it to find out why drugs work and why they have x side effect and why you can’t use them in y people.
4 year course = extra year at uni = one more freshers week and one more year of not paying council tax and one more year of fun with your friends before real life
I couldn’t not mention the BPSA - it’s the British Pharmaceutical Students Association and they do events and a week long conference every year over Easter which is lit- you meet other pharmacy students from other schools of pharmacy and debate pharmacy, have guests talk to you, do workshops, get evening entertainment, it really is the best PLUS then you learn about the European version of the BPSA and can go abroad if you’re lucky!
Graduating with a masters with your best friends and the lecturers that supported you through 4 years of hard work is one of the best things to ever happen!!!!!! Fab achievement
The bad!
Pharmacy is really hard. It’s 4 years of hard work, then more hard work after you graduate. You need to be committed to pharmacy because it is LONG and HARD and you will undoubtedly have times that you want to quit. I did pharmacy whilst on a range of antidepressants (don’t worry, the depression came first - pharmacy isn’t THAT bad) and it was brutal at times. The workload is intense.
It’s really tiring - I remember a time in first year where I was in lectures all day, went home to eat, then went to the library all evening to revise for exams. Now I’m old I’m just tired and I don’t have the stamina for that but there are times where pharmacy will wear you out - but the successes are worth it.
Because it’s 4 years long, your non pharmacy friends will graduate before you. My campus was impossible to walk across without seeing someone you know, and then at 4th year that just ends because everyone leaves at 3rd year. And you feel really old because the freshers are 18 and excited about uni and you’re 22 and tired.
People don’t like pharmacists. That isn’t strictly true, but don’t read anything on facebook about pharmacists. The general public don’t know what we do and therefore they don’t like us and see us as the barrier between them and their medicines. Also if a medicine has been discontinued that is YOUR fault personally and the patient will tell you ‘if I die it’s your fault’ - usually over something stupid like heartburn meds. Don’t let it get to you though - the patients who appreciate us and say kind things really do make up for all the abuse.
You need a life outside pharmacy or it’ll get too much pharmacy- especially if you live with pharmacists too. You’re together 24/7 and that’s too much so make sure you join a sport or a society so you can talk to people about something other than medicines.
The dirty
People think you’re a wannabe medic. Medical students also don’t like pharmacy students - or maybe that was just my uni. We try and say pharmacy is hard that they will ALWAYS one-up us. Whatever, when they’re qualified and we save their ass catching a prescribing error, they’ll love us then
Everyone knows everyone in pharmacy. The other day I got really excited when I attended a webinar and one of the hosts was a guy who wrote one of my fave textbooks. It is a VERY small world, so make sure you’re hardworking and kind so people have the right impression!
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Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 7, The Day That Was.
We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals
Run Boy Run
Extra Ordinary
Man on the Moon
Number Five
The Day That Wasn’t
Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!
I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.
Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything.
[Look out for the fic challenge at the end! I’m tagging @tehmoonofficial @seven-misfits @princenewton @tua-koffee and anyone else who wants to try it. Tag other people if you would like!]
The Day That Was
The use of “One is the Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night implies that this is Luther’s birth. I know that that isn’t what they’re trying to convey so this is a very weird song choice. It would be way too on the nose if it was Luther, but it would fit so well. In fact, before Pogo said that it was the culmination of a normal pregnancy, I thought it was Luther when I was first watchin it.Point is, scoring is important. +1
No one is attending to this mother which is why she dies. Seriously, if just one person in that room was with Harold’s mother then any problems would have been noticed far earlier. I know this show likes to kill off women to further the plot, but this one happens to be excessively stupid. +2
There’s a woman in scrubs who doesn’t appear to be sterile in the room. Even Harold’s father is sterile. For those who don’t know, I’m talking about a lack of germs. +1
Harold playing with the Umbrella Academy action figures is adorable and makes sense. However, why the hell would his abusive father buy these for him? Something doesn’t add up. Where did he get these from? Did he steal them? In that case, stealing is bad. Sin still stands. +1
Dr. Terminal better appear in season 2. -1
Ben’s action figure includes the horror. This makes sense, but then how did Ben pose for this? Did he just sort of stand like that and let the sculptor take liberties with what the horror looked like? How were these modeled and designed? +1
“Put those stupid dolls away and go get me a beer” obvious abusive father is obvious. +7
Also, abusive fathers. +7
I didn’t notice that Harold’s house is the same as Leonard’s house when I first watched it because of the change in angle and lighting. This is clever. -1
Has anyone taken a good look at the Klaus action figure? That thing looks ridiculous! +1
Harold stops to look at a comic now and not later when his Dad isn’t demanding a beer. Then again, I am questioning the logic skills of a thirteen-year-old. So this sin is once again for the abusive dick for for not letting Harold be a child. +1
Seriously, where did Harold get all this stuff? Merch is expensive. And so are suit jackets. And tape. And a whole bunch of his supplies. +1
Seance seems pretty popular. Good. I love Klaus. But there is no indication that he did anything during missions, so why do these people love him? Show me his charisma or something? Give young Klaus a scene that shows why the people love him. +1
Are these barriers only there after missions? And if this is normal enough that there are barriers, then why aren’t there more people hounding the academy when Five runs away for example? How famous are these kids? +1
Harold you poor child. He even packed a bag and everything. Reggie is not better than your abusive father. Sin for Harold’s father and for Reggie. +2
No one stops Harold from jumping over the barrier. Not even the other fans saying something like “dude don’t do that”. Nothing. Who is enforcing these barriers? +1
Luther walked out of the car first and now he’s behind Allison. Since when does Luther have Five’s power?+1
Allison looks really uncomfortable. How many grabby fans has this young girl had to deal with? +1
Eden Cupid plays this really well. -1
How many grabby fans has Eden Cupid had to deal with?? +1
Reggie orders Harold behind the barricades. So is it Reggie enforcing it? Or what? +1
If it’s the academy enforcing it through Reggies orders then why didn’t Diego, Klaus, or Ben stop Harold? Or does this not matter because Luther was in front of them? This is confusing. Where is everybody? +1
Reggie is a dick. “You have no power”. Is that really the best way to deal with the situation? A better man may have said something like “You may not have powers but that doesn’t mean you aren't special. Run along now.” But then again, this is the same dick that drugged his daughter because he couldn’t control her powers so yeah. Fuck you, Reggie. +3
In the wide shot, Harold’s suitcase disappeared and some policemen magically appeared out of thin air. +1
Why are all these people laughing at Harold? After what Reggie just said there should be outrage? What the hell, people? +1
Some of these people include grown ass adults. +1
Reggie manhandles Harold and no one questions this. +1
Second hand embarrassment and shame. I really feel for this kid. -1
Where are the little umbrella mounts that the action figures are supposed to be standing on in this establishing shot of Harold’s collection? We see them on the collection in the academy. Is this supposed to imply that Harold stole them? I am confused. +1
We can see a piece of paper that has the words Klaus and Harold written on it in different colored crayon. Set designers, you win this one. -1
Why are the action figures going by their names instead of their hero names? It’s been established based on the posters the people had behind the barricades that “The Seance” and “Spaceboy” exist. So why the real names? If it’s because Harold is desperate for friends then the sin also applies. +1
In a close shot we can see that Harold must have taken those platforms off and glued them to this construction paper based on a weird deformity on Five’s foot. Sin still stands because Harold ruined those. In fact, I’ll add another sin, because this doesn’t explain how he separated them. If it was an exacto knife then sin for letting a child handle that. +1
Harold makes collages of the academy kids faces. Cute and a good set design choice. -1
You can see the moment when Harold decides to kill his father. That is some great acting, Jesse Noah Gruman. -1
You know, for all we rag on Harold for killing his abusive father, there are a surprising amount of fics in which the Hargreeves siblings kill their abusive father. Either we’re cool with killing abusive fathers or we aren’t, fandom. +1
Speaking of, we often use “cool motive, still murder” to describe this scene. But no one has a problem with the amount of people Five killed. +1
Harold got twelve years in jail even though there were signs of abuse. He had a bruise on his face! Any lawyer should have been able to get Harold out of jail. Even a public defender can’t deny this evidence. Harold should have pled guilty and he would have gotten a lighter, if no sentence at all. [I am not a lawyer, do not take this as legal advice. This is based on various crime shows and some law youtube channels. Also, don’t kill people.] +1
Why was Harold following Klaus? Popular theories include wanting to kill him or use him the way he uses Vanya. I am sinning this because it remains unclear. +1
The Leonard/Harold reveal is beautifully executed. This is how you do a plot twist. -1
Reggie refers to Klaus by name and by 00.04 in his journal. Why the inconsistency? If you know his name, why not use it all the time, Reggie? +1
In 2001, the kids were twelve. Reggie locked Klaus in the mausoleum as young as 12 and probably younger if the credit for 8 year old Klaus is anything to go by. +4
Reggie’s notes say that Klaus is resistant to this. No fucking shit, a child is resistant to facing their greatest fears with no support. +4
Title screen is on the umbrella in Reggie’s journal. Classy. -1
Five tosses Allison’s coffee behind him when he’s done with it. This goes back to his Apocalypse days, but you would think that sort of thing was frowned upon in the Commission. Or was really obvious during any missions he had as an assassin. Why is he doing this? +1
At the end of episode 6, Five slurps the coffee but here there is no slurp after “Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?”. +1
Leonard hears Five saying that he [Harold] is responsible for the apocalypse. This does not alarm Leonard in any way and he continues stealing Hargreeves’s action figure. +1
Also, Harold Jenkins happens to be in the academy right now as they’re talking about trying to find him. Choke on that irony. +1
Repeat scene shows no indication that the information Harold just got changed his reactions in any way. You would think that he would show a little fear or something? +1
Five isn’t treating his injury despite the fact that it’s causing him obvious pain and he has access to Grace and an infirmary because plot? They could easily have this chat in the infirmary while Five is getting stitched up. Five has been shown treating his injuries and does seem to possess more than half a brain cell, so not taking care of the shrapnel wound is a weird deviation in his character. +3
Speaking of brain cells, thank goodness Allison has one because she is the one asking relevant questions here. -1
Klaus and Diego are still pissed at Five for getting drunk while Hazel and Cha Cha attacked the mansion. Good job with the consistency in character motivation, writers. -1
“Temps Commission.” Maybe season 2 will give us the Temps Aeternalis. +1
Aidan Gallagher’s delivery is okay, but not stellar. I think it’s the tone that’s off. I think I’m judging him too harshly. This is hard to deliver because it’s an exposition dump seven out of ten episodes in. So this sin goes to the writers for making these paragraphs- not lines, paragraphs- that deliver information the viewer already knows. At this point, cut the scene short or show Vanya and Leonard again so we can skip the second Commission lecture. +1
And the reactions that Diego, Allison, and Luther have are so varied because they have such different levels of understanding. Allison, who knows the least, asks “What do you mean, protect time and space?” This level of info dumping this late is dumb. +1
“I look like a thirteen year old boy.” No you don’t. Real thirteen year olds do not look like fifteen year old Aidan Gallagher. For example, look up what Gallagher looked like when he was actually thirteen. +1
“Klaus talks to the dead” oh so we’re just stating the obvious now. Who wrote this scene? +1
How does Five know Claire’s name? Just one shot of a magazine in his apocalypse bunker was all we needed. The magazine that says Patrick and Claire are doing just fine without Allison would have made perfect sense. +1
If we don’t get Five and Claire meeting at some point istg. Sin until they meet.+1
Once again, Luther the moon and the apocalypse are connected, just not in the way you think. Reggie, you suck. +1
“Klaus you’re with me.” Diego and Klaus make a great team. -1
Five’s face when Klaus says he’s feeling under the weather. Considering Five’s injury, this makes sense for the character. -1
Five gives that look to Klaus. Five, you’re hiding a life threatening wound for no reason. You don’t have room to judge. +1
The old man walk looks ridiculous. Five is so obviously injured and Allison and Luther, who watch as Klaus, Diego, and Five walk away, don’t notice this odd walk. +1
We follow Hazel instead of Cha Cha because their story in this episode isn’t affected by Five’s time travel decision. However, the only part of this story we need is the part at the end of the episode. +1
Diego is driving, Five has shotgun, and Allison is in the back. They totally fought over who would sit where. That scene would have been way more interesting than the Hazel and Cha Cha repeat scene. Also, I kind of want to write about that fight now. You know Five wanted to drive. And that when Diego insisted on driving so he and Allison wouldn’t get in trouble for letting a minor drive or something like that, Allison and Five fought over the passenger's side seat. Well adjusted or not, fighting over that seat is what siblings do. +1
Allison, you could just waltz in there and ask for it. Don’t suggest that plan if you aren’t going to do that. +1
Five’s power or Allison’s power would be very useful, yet Diego choses to get the file himself. This wastes valuable time. And Five is okay with that. +1
Five refers to his powers as “blink” not “jump” which is what the fandom has been calling it. +1
Five has not slept at all in a couple days. And he’s making decisions about the end of the world. +1
Diego “made a call. That’s what a leader does.” But the call he makes is fucking stupid. This is a grab the thing and get out mission. Two people in the academy have powers that would work wonderfully for this type of mission. And they happen to be right there. Even with Allison refusing to use her power, it’s stupid to not have Five just blink in and grab it. Diego is a shitty leader. +1
Beeman just tells Diego that he is the prime suspect in Patch’s murder. This is so dumb on so many levels. Sigh. +1
Beeman has already said shit that would make him lose his job. At this point he’s arguing with Diego to pad the episode’s run time. +1
Whoever did Emmy Raver-Lampman’s makeup for this scene screwed up her brows really bad. Or maybe just her brow highlight is messed up. Or the blending on her eyeshadow. +1
Five is just sort of standing there and leaning against the wall. This is supposed to be another hint that he’s injured but it just looks stupid. +1
Allison’s heartfelt message to Vanya shows remorse and a genuine want for connection. -1
See! This cut where Allison doesn’t explain to Five and Diego who Leonard is because the viewer already knows and this can therefore happen off screen is good! Use this more if you’re going to do episodes like this. -1
Luther turns to alcohol because he doesn’t feel like he has any support. I’m sad now. Poor Luther! -1
And my sympathy disappears when Luther starts choking Klaus. That is some fucking bullshit. +1
I understand that Luther is drunk and not capable of complex decisions right now, but this seems excessively cruel. I think this is on the writers and not necessarily on Luther himself. +1
Why isn’t Ben seeing this? Later on, it’s like Ben didn’t see what Luther did here. This sin makes more sense later on in the episode. +1
Klaus is genuinely trying to make Luther feel better after Luther just choked him. Klaus is a good brother. -1
Klaus suggests going to find Allison. It’s like he knows what happened last episode. Oh, show. And yes, you can argue that Klaus knows that Luther and Allison were close. Then my counter argument would be that Klaus knows Allison is off saving the world. Yes, helping Luther is important, but Klaus can do it. Klaus needs more faith in himself. +1
Luther’s smile when Klaus calls him Number One and starts quoting poetry at him. “O captain, my captain.” -1
This immediately transitions into crying. My poor babies. +1
Klaus attempts to say “that’s not true” but can’t because he knows that Reggie is the type of person to send someone to the moon so he doesn’t have to look at them. Reggie is a dick. +7
Luther looks so lost and broken and sad. Tom Hopper, you asshole. I am actually crying a little bit. I’ll take a sin off because Tom Hopper made me feel emotions. -1
Robert Sheehan is an excellent actor. -1
Luther shoves Klaus out of the way with no regard to where he lands. What if Klaus’s head hit that furniture! +1
The Hazel and Cha Cha scenes would have been stronger if we left them in the last episode. Maybe one or two establishing things to show that they aren't affected by the time change and that’s it. All we needed was the order to not terminate Five and one of the messages. That’s it. +1
Hazel has a birdwatching book which shows that he wants to learn about Agnes’s interests. Cute. -1
They are trying to imply some kind of relationship between Hazel and Cha Cha! Cha Cha having feelings for Hazel doesn’t make sense. +1
“So do most serial killers and mass murderers. I mean look at him” “Thanks.” The delivery of “thanks” always bothered me. It could have used a little more sarcasm. +1
Diego doesn’t wait for Allison or Five to open the door. Nor does he let them offer suggestions. +1
Diego doesn’t even test the doorknob. Dumbass. +1
Diego seems like one of the competent siblings until he does this mission with Five and Allison, who have the family brain cells. This is amusing, but also makes me question the badass Diego moments. +1
If we don’t get more Five and Allison in season 2 imma riot. These characters work so well together. +1
The way they make fun of Diego together is peak sibling culture. -1
“You need to see this.” Please just stop giving Allison these bullshit lines. +1
Five’s run is weird. He’s lifting his knees really high. This is one of those things that I shouldn’t have noticed. +1
Bottom left poster. Klaus hit the woah sixteen years too early. +1
Harold had time to scratch their faces before going to jail or Leonard did this at some point as an adult. Creep. +1
He also mangled the action figures even further. +1
Five isn’t looking so hot because the plot demands it right now. He was perfectly fine cracking jokes with Allison earlier. +1
Looking closer at the wound, we can see that Five not taking care of it right away is total fucking bullshit. That looks serious and like it could get infected easily. Five, who grew up in an apocalypse, would know to take care of shit like that. If he didn’t then he would have died in the Apocalypse.+1
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Diego would be excellent at cinema sins. +1
Five doesn’t answer this question because the answer is “The writers needed a convenient way to get me out of the picture for a couple hours.” +1
Harold’s father took him fishing. I don’t want to know why. +1
“We don’t have to stay here. We can just get a shitty motel or something.” Or ya know, go back to your apartment, Vanya. Or is Vanya’s apartment like Five’s injury in that it only exists when the plot needs it. +1
Off topic, but why is Vanya talking about chord progressions with her beginner violin student. Chords and violin don’t go together when you first start learning. This is a weird example. +1
Leonard is a manipulative bastard. He knows exactly what to say to make Vanya bend to his will. +1
We aren’t even halfway through the episode and I have been doing this for over two hours. This says a lot about the kinds of sins this episode has. Right now we’re at the end of page 6. +1
Vanya followed Leonard to a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere. They’ve known each other for less than a week. I wouldn’t trust some of the people I’ve known for years the way Vanya trusts Leonard. +1
Hazel has known Agnes for less than a week and now he wants to run away with her. +1
Agnes is willing to run away with Hazel despite knowing him for less than a week. +1
Hazel and Agnes are using the “Life is short” thing, which it is, especially with the impending apocalypse, but that doesn’t change that they’ve known each other for less than a week. +1
“Her job’s her life.” so why don’t you show that, show? Cha Cha’s motivations make no sense. +1
Hazel and Agnes theme! I love that piece. -1
The way Hazel is holding her looks really funny. I am amused. -1
Ben pressuring Klaus to help Luther despite all the physical harm Luther did to Klaus. I am sinning this again. Why didn’t Ben see this? Or does he just not care? This is either a sin for the show for not remembering where Ben is or a sin for Ben for not caring about his brother. +1
Ben creates a shadow but he is supposed to be invisible. I don’t think that’s how light works. Is Klaus the only person that can see Ben’s shadow? Is Klaus sober enough that he’s starting to make Ben corporeal? How does this work? +1
Right now if anyone looked in that alley, Klaus would look fucking crazy. +1
The guy walking past doesn’t care that Klaus is talking to nobody right now. +1
“You weren't ready to die violently at a young age” yeah. Seventeen, based on the portraits. Why does Ben’s ghost not look bloody? And why does he look like he’s in his late 20s? Ben should still look seventeen right? If Justin Min, age 29, is meant to be playing a 17 year old, then I have some issues. +1
Can Ben sweat? +1
The “if you were in trouble” line is delivered really well. Nice. -1
Ben’s tough love is more of a pep talk now. I like this version of Ben. He’s a little misguided, but he sort of gets the spirit. Heh spirit, Ben, get it? -1
“We should have taken him to the hospital” Allison would be excellent at cinema sins. +1
“We gotta get the shrapnel out.” Yeah, but that is not priority one right now. Is there any pressure on the wound right now? +1
This repeat scene with Diego and Grace makes sense because it’s at a different time. -1
“Seven bars, three strip joints, and a laundromat.” Why the laundromat? +1
Ben’s shadow is even more pronounced now. +1
Convenient rave girl talking to herself about Luther with a good description is convenient. +1
“Holy Shit” said in unison. Nice. -1
Ben and Klaus wouldn’t know about Luther’s monkey transformation, so the reaction checks out but not the description. Maybe “big” was why they decided to check it out? +1
Rave girl thinks Luther is a furry. This is funny. -1
Luther offers Klaus drugs. That’s nice, I guess. -1
Offering your newly sober brother drugs. +2
Ben is honestly a life coach from hell. “Stay strong don’t give into temptation.” Remember your mantras. Meditate. Drink lots of water. +1
Though, that does make sense. A dead guy would be a shitty life coach. +1
What’s with the weird light on the pill that Klaus threw? Is that a secondary power? Being able to find drugs? +1
No one steps on or trips on Klaus, who is crawling around on the floor in a room full of high/drunk/whatever people. +1
Klaus’s flashbacks. Putting my boy through trauma. +1
Dave turns into the pill because the pill symbolises everything holding Klaus back from summoning Dave. Symbolism. -1
Grace is treating Five’s shrapnel wound in his room instead of the infirmary. +1
“Receptionist at her music school” wait. Vanya has another job teaching music? She has three jobs? How in the hell did she have time to do any of this stuff? +1
Allison’s face when Diego says Luther was right. That was amazing. Emmy Raver-Lampman, you genius. -1
The City has no people around right now other than Diego, Allison, and the cops. +1
“Why would you ask that about me?” because you carry pointy things and throw them into people, Diego. That’s why Allison asks if the police are right about you murdering someone. +1
Allison would be excellent at cinema sins. She reiterated my last point. +1
Why did they send that many cops to go arrest one guy? Did they expect the entire academy to fight them? +1
“You killed a cop, asshole.” Rodriguez did the police academy teach you nothing? You can’t say shit like that to a suspect? +1
Finally, someone reads Diego his Miranda rights. Doing the bare minimum is impressive for these cops. +1
Diego, you edgy bastard. Spitting on the ground? Great. Make these people even more pissed off then they already are. +1
Vanya’s power is mostly destructive and Leonard should know this based on the book. So why is he trying to get her to summon a boat? Or destroy a boat? This doesn’t make any sense. +1
“I watched everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives.” The Umbrella Academy in a nutshell. +1
Also, if you saw this, then why the fuck did you want powers, Vanya? +1
“Do I stare really hard? Am I supposed to point my fingers?” Actual conversation Ellen Page had with the director somehow made it into the show. +1
This scene is so underrated. It’s so funny watching the music swell and nothing happen. -1
“I look and I feel ridiculous. I have no idea how they did this stuff with a straight face.” -1
“You are so invested in this.” Yeah, girl. Red flag. +1
Convenient burning not obscuring the words of the “terminate Hazel” message is convenient. +1
Do we really need the repeat of Cha Cha getting the message? +1
Cha Cha doesn’t notice Hazel behind the curtain despite being a trained assassin. This is why Five was the best. +1
Hazel doesn’t kill Cha Cha. +1
Netflix subtitles have Ben saying “Oh shit, Luther” when it’s clearly Klaus saying that line. +1
Klaus’s desire to help his brother is stronger than his need for drugs. -1
For whom the bell tolls? The bell tolls for Klaus. +1
Little Girl on a Bike God takes her lines directly from the comics. -1
She plays the pronoun game with Klaus despite Her being all knowing. Or She does this to be an asshole. +1
The barber shop looks like a little barn from the outside. Clever misdirection. -1
“Nite Owl Barber Shop” -1
“Barber banter may offend” no kidding. With Reggie working there, need I say more. -1
The pictures of Luther, Diego, Reggie, Dave, Five, and possibly young Ben on the wall. -1
Five’s hair looks really dumb in the photo aslkdj;gaf. -1
Artful close up shot of Robert Sheehan’s face. -1
Reggie is a dick. “What in God’s name took you so long?” Maybe he didn’t want to see you, asshole. +1
Was Colm Feore actually shaving Robert Sheehan? +1
I am going to sin Reggie being a dick in advance here so I don’t have to sin every line. +20
Klaus brings up an interesting point. How did Reggie know about the apocalypse? +1
Klaus is crying when Reggie says that he killed himself to bring them all back together. On some level, Klaus cares for this man. Empathy. -1
Just as Reggie starts to say something important, he disappears because of course he does. If the characters actually spoke to each other about important things then there would be no plot. +1
Klaus was dead and now he’s not. Why didn’t he wake up in the apocalypse? +1
Kenny’s mom sighting. She’s at the rave. +1
Leonard pays these guys to beat him up. Did he also give them a script? +1
Vanya’s powers activate when the rain starts but only become visible when she fears for Leonard’s life. Good choice. -1
Hazel doesn’t kill Cha Cha. Killing her would help him out in so many ways, yet he doesn’t do it. Or remove his tracker. Or her tracker. Or anything. +1
“I’m in love” You’ve known her for a couple days at best. +1
“Wake up and smell the coffee.” This is part of the reason why I headcanon Five’s coffee addiction came from the Commission. +1
Hazel can’t bring himself to kill Cha Cha after she threatens him and the woman he “loves” because of years of friendship in a job he hated? That she loved? I’m confused. +1
Allison is going after Vanya alone. She is going to this cabin in the woods alone. Horror Movie 101, Allison. +1
Now Ben looks concerned. All it took was Klaus’s literal death. +1
Luther and the rave girl are both too high to consent? I don’t like the vibes. +1
Diego is in jail because of his own stupidity. +1
The police didn’t give him back his sling. The man is walking around with a gunshot wound, assholes. +1
The shot of the eye before the camera focuses on Five symbolizes Five putting the apocalypse before everything. -1
Vanya looks so scared in the hospital. Excellent acting. -1
The shot of the eye also reminds us that the eye exists at all which makes the eye reveal more dramatic. -1
Overall Review:
Okay, so if episode 5 is where the viewer truly learns what’s going on, then episode 7 is when everything truly comes together. All the loose plot threads fit themselves together in this episode. In fact, you could argue that the Leonard/Harold eye reveal is the most important reveal after the whole Vanya has powers reveal. The eye makes sense now.
You know what? I challenge all the fic writers who read this to write a “watching the show” style fic, but only using this episode. Drop this episode on them in the middle of one of the early episodes and then have them try to stop the apocalypse based on it. Tag me when you’ve posted it and/or gift it to cherriesareneat on ao3. I will probably be writing my own version of this at some point.
There are a ton of great moments in this episode. The important beats being the Harold/Leonard reveal, Five’s injury, Luther at the rave, Klaus’s death, Reggie’s reveal, Vanya’s powers reveal, and the eye reveal. These were mostly well executed with the exception being Five’s injury.
Also, let me know if you prefer the long sins/short analysis style I’ve been trying out recently.
Total: 152
Sentence: What is character motivation? Where am I? I am confused.
#The Umbrella Academy#all in good fun#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#Allison Hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#ben hargreeves#vanya hargreeves#leonard peabody#harold jenkins#show warnings apply#especially in this episode#take care of yourself
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