#when I tell you i had to pause the episode at multiple points

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

If im already losing my mind over the Percabeth writing and development and dynamic of one episode in the first season...

then i sure as hell am not ready to see five seasons worth is Percabeth

my heart simply wont take it. It'll combust by season 3.

[senditcolton]

I've Got the Good Side of Things

Recording their favorite show on the DVR because you know they’ll be in a little late tonight and miss it. And them being somewhat surprised that you didn’t watch it without them.

part of my Valentine's Day prompts requested by anon | word count: 0.8k | warnings: none!

The group chat you had with your friends was muted on Monday at 8pm sharp. A quick text, a small explanation, and then your phone was set to do not disturb.

Normally, you would be right there in that text thread, shooting off multiple messages, probably using too many capital letters, exclamation points, and rose emojis. That was the norm when you watched The Bachelor and when it came to the “Women Tell All” … the drama was increased by a thousand and so were the reactions they brought.

However, Mat was away on a long road trip and wouldn’t be able to watch it with you.

He told you before he left that he didn’t mind if you watched it without him – after all, you’ve watched previous episodes alone because consistent Monday nights off weren’t in the cards when Mat had to report to UBS Arena or hop on a plane more often than not.

But you knew that his favorite thing to do was sit on the couch next to you and watch the drama that came when a group of thirty-two women competed for the attention of one man. Which is why, in your mind, you absolutely could not watch the Women Tell All without him.

So, the group chat was muted and instead of Joey attempting to find love on your screen, the New York Islanders were attempting to get pucks into the Dallas Stars net. The small red light on your DVR indicated that The Bachelor was being recorded, ready to be watched when Mat came back home.

The game ends with an Islanders victory but you wait until that red light disappears before texting Mat.

‘Great game!’ you message him, adding blue and orange heart emojis at the end for good measure. It isn’t long until Mat replies.

‘Thanks babe. How was The Bachelor?’

‘Pretty entertaining,’ you type. Your response was a slight lie. You were sure that it was entertaining as hell but you didn’t have any proof to back up your statements. Thankfully, Mat didn’t ask for proof.

‘Can’t wait to watch it when I get back.’

You smile to yourself, looking around the apartment as you think forward four days. The image of you curled up into Mat’s side, a hefty glass of wine each appears easily in your mind but it is shortly followed by a different image. You look around, planning out the idea that had filled your mind.  

Why not make a night it?

~ four days later ~

It took time and effort but you were ready. Plates were filled with Mat’s favorite home-cooked meal and glasses were filled with red wine, waiting on the coffee table to be consumed. The Bachelor on the television, paused on the title card, and a frankly ridiculous number of roses were scattered around your apartment.

It is silly how giddy you are, standing near your front door and bouncing on the balls of your feet as you wait for Mat to arrive. He texted you, asking if it was still alright if he came over that evening and you couldn’t say yes fast enough. You couldn’t wait to see his face – both in general and to see his reaction to your crazy plan.

A knock echoes around the room and the sound hadn’t even dissipated before you’re swinging the door open, coming face to face with Mat. You watch as his crooked smile appears and he wastes no time sweeping you into a hug.

“I missed you,” he mumbles against your shoulder.

“I missed you too.” You pull away from him and hold your arms out. “Welcome back!” you say, watching as Mat gazes around the space, taking in the state of your studio apartment.

“What’s all this?” he asks, bewildered, his eyes returning to yours.

“I lied to you. I didn’t watch The Bachelor on Monday because I wanted to watch it with you,” you explain.

“You didn’t watch it?”

Your reply is a small nod of your head.

“You made my favorite meal and decorated the apartment just so we could watch it together?”

Another nod.

“And you blew off your friends group chat? Even when I told you it was okay to watch it without me?”

You nod again, although the action this time is a little timid, a sliver of doubt blooming in your chest at his cascade of questions. Was it too much? Was it too weird? The nerves remain until that stupidly infectious smile spreads across his face.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that, Mat!” you exclaim, swatting his chest, a laugh falling from both of you.

“I figured I’d get us in the mood. Create some drama, y’know?” he explains, grabbing your hand as he makes his way to couch with you in tow. You settle down next to him, picking up your wine and the remote before curling into his side.

“I think that this episode will have enough drama without your help,” you chirp, pressing play and hearing applause from the studio audience resonate from the speakers. Mat’s arm comes around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him in order to press a small kiss into your hair.

[black-arcana]

Watch: A Bat Lands On THE PRETTY RECKLESS Singer TAYLOR MOMSEN's Leg During Concert In Spain

According to Metal Journal, a bat landed on the left leg of THE PRETTY RECKLESS singer Taylor Momsen during her band's May 29 performance at Estadio La Cartuja in Seville, Spain as the support act for AC/DC.

After playing the fifth song of THE PRETTY RECKLESS's set, "Witches Burn", Taylor addressed the crowd, saying: "You guys are pointing at something, and I wanna know what you're saying." She then looked down at her leg and noticed the bat, after which she return to the microphone and exclaimed: "There's a fucking flying bat on my leg right now. Can someone help me, please? I must really be a witch."

A stage quickly hang came over a removed the bat, prompting Taylor to say: "Gracias. It's all right. And the bat's fine. He's gonna be my new friend," before adding, "Holy fuck."

Guitarist Ben Phillips then told the crowd: "Well, that hasn't happened before." Momsen went on to say: "I'm telling you. I'm a fucking witch. I attract the bats. Someone, bring out a black cat. It's gonna be great."

Phillips said to the audience, "Gracias for pointing it out," before Momsen added: "I thought you were pointing at my SOUNDGARDEN bracelet. And I was, like, 'Oh. Fucking they like SOUNDGARDEN. Awesome."

During an appearance on the May 6 episode of SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk", Taylor was asked about the progress of the songwriting and recording sessions for THE PRETTY RECKLESS's fifth album. She said: "I don't have [release] dates for you, but we booked — we've locked up the studio for eight months. It takes us a while to make a record. But it was going amazingly [before we paused the sessions in order to hit the road]. Hopefully when we pick back up in September, it'll be the same kind of flow and everything will just jell. But a lot of it's written. I'm sure that more will be written when these experiences happen and then new songs [arise] out of them. So I'm sure that there'll be some more songs coming. But I don't have dates. But it was going great, and we had just started; we really haven't started at all, but there's written stuff. So that's a start, I guess. But as far as recording, we hadn't really gotten into it yet."

This past January, THE PRETTY RECKLESS shared a photo of Taylor in the studio with Jonathan Wyman, who co-produced THE PRETTY RECKLESS's latest album, 2021's "Death By Rock And Roll", apparently confirming that Wyman has re-teamed with the group for the upcoming LP.

In a May 2023 interview with Ronni Hunter of the 99.7 The Blitz radio station, Momsen revealed that she and her THE PRETTY RECKLESS bandmates had commenced work on the follow-up to "Death By Rock And Roll".

"We're in a great headspace," she said. "We're just having fun with it, and wrapping up the tour cycle of 'Death By Rock And Roll'. And then new record — and it's next chapter. We've already kind of started it… We've gotten into a studio; we've stepped foot into a studio. So that's saying something for us."

THE PRETTY RECKLESS is supporting AC/DC on the legendary hard rock band's spring/summer 2024 European tour. Momsen and her bandmates also opened for THE ROLLING STONES on May 11 at the Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, Nevada.

In November 2022, THE PRETTY RECKLESS released a new collection of music, "Other Worlds", via Fearless Records. The effort saw the group delivering its first proper acoustic recordings, unexpected covers and other reimaginings.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was made available in February 2021 via Fearless Records in the U.S. and Century Media Records in the rest of the world.

Upon release, "Death By Rock And Roll" topped multiple sales charts — including Billboard's Top Albums, Rock, Hard Music, and Digital charts. The record also yielded three back-to-back No. 1 singles — "Death By Rock And Roll", "And So It Went" (featuring Tom Morello of RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE) and "Only Love Can Save Me Now" (featuring Kim Thayil and Matt Cameron of SOUNDGARDEN). The band has tallied seven No. 1 singles at the rock format throughout its career.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was THE PRETTY RECKLESS's first album to be made without longtime producer Kato Khandwala, who died in April 2018 from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident.

THE PRETTY RECKLESS formed in 2009 and consists of Momsen, Phillips, bassist Mark Damon and drummer Jamie Perkins.

In 2021, Momsen — who rose to fame portraying the character of edgy little sister Jenny Humphrey on The CW's "Gossip Girl" — described "Death By Rock And Roll" in an interview with ABC Audio as a "battle cry for life and for hope."

"I think that that's something that we can all use a little bit more of, especially right now," she said. "We could always use a little more hope, and we could always use a little more rock and roll."

[wellcomeoneileen]

Post 2/? on Processing QaF

End of qaf -technical points. 

This is a very logistical view on the literal end of the show. My more thematic l thoughts about the whole final season are also under this tag, in post 1. Again, conceding that I am very new to an established fandom and this is my immediate processing of finishing my recent obsession, and there are probably several other posts like this floating around.

I read every spoiler possible. I read nearly every fanfic possible all before I watched any of the last season of QaF. The endless thought pieces really did help sooth me for seasons four and five. I think I was a much more at peace with them than fans who were watching it live back in 2005. But the last one or two episodes had me pausing with my jaw dropped multiple times. I hated it!

And I contemplated why - when I knew every single thing that was gonna happen, even several lines of dialogue I knew!

And I think it comes down to the breakneck pacing and editing.

:readmore:

Because right after finishing, I paced around my home angrily muttering over what had happening. And outlining the end like that, even though I was in a mood, still sort of made sense. 

Brian has been a sex god for several seasons. He let down his guard to let Justin in. Out of fear, he did what fans/Justin thought they wanted, and asked for marriage/said I love you with Justin. Brian loves him enough to not force him to stay, Justin loves him enough to not make him change. Peacefully and lovingly, they go their separate ways with the strong and insinuation that they will either do long distance or reconcile. That sounds good! It was horrible to watch.

The show betrays itself by acknowledging the Britin arc is the most important to the show and viewers by saving it for the penultimate scene. The final episode(s) have all really revolved around Brian. Even the girls leaving was really about Brian (in its show presentation, at least). And Brian and Justin have the final scene of all the characters resolving their storylines. The final, final scene was an ensemble one (as it should be for an ensemble show) which reflected on the show as a whole. That was the epilogue, because Britin was the denouement.

This is tough in two ways.

First, because the Britin arc has a bittersweet end, yet felt more like the writers wagging their finger at the audience instead of a thoughtful conclusion that was necessarily bittersweet. Whole other post.

Second, because of their editing – both storyline wise and visual execution wise.

The decision to show Justin and Brian in bed together, not even see Justin leave, and then show Brian in bed alone was pretty cutthroat. I literally paused and my jaw dropped – but not in a good, teary way, or my heart strings were pulled way, but in a … I felt like the writers were kind of flipping me off? Or flipping the actors off? I literally googled if Randy Harrison had fought with the showrunners because of that (and allegedly, yes, lmao. You can tell!!!). That was just an unpleasant viewing experience.

Then, the writers did not give any sort of breathing room for that emotional beat to end and then the series finale beat to begin. There is no space between Brian being left alone and Brian and Michael going to the club and then dancing. No space timewise, plotline wise, or even visually, as they literally meld the end of Britin into the start of Brian/Michael final.

Because of this, even though I’m sure it was written and outlined as very separate plot points for separate emotional beats for separate scenes, it doesn’t feel that way as an audience member.

Instead, it feels like a run-of-the-mill action-reaction pair for a singular emotional beat. It doesn’t feel, or look, like two separate, contained, emotional beats.

Without being able to digest a very bittersweet conclusion to what is arguably the most important plot line of the entire show, it still feels like we’re still wrestling with that in the final scene. It is LEAPING from denouement to epilogue, which even tacky, bittersweet rom-coms don’t do, if you pay attention ( I am literally thinking of how the HARRY STYLES FANFICTION movie Idea of You handled this similar thing better, good lord.)

Therefore, watching Brian dance alone, while we’re being told the thumpa thumpa goes on, feels like he’s being reset. Because we go oh sad, Britin is getting a bittersweet end :/ then THIRTY seconds later we are seeing Brian party and it’s impossible for audience members to not directly connect those dots. Those are the only dots we’re shown!!

I read a 2005 livejournal where stayci28 said she viewed the end as more symbolic than real. It’s about the queer community continuing matter what and it’s really about people will continue to rise up. No matter what is being given to them and they will persevere, they will be proud, they will be here and they’re not gonna go anywhere. That’s a beautiful sentiment, makes a lot of sense, and is a fitting conclusion for the WHOLE show after the Britin bit is wrapped up.

However, Ron Cowan himself said that was only half true in an interview here: https://bjfic.livejournal.com/2528384.html?

He said that the dance was real and was one last outing. Though the sentiment is true – the scene was meant to be about queers surviving, not Brian being alone or an old party boy. (sidenote: see post 1 for me complaining that if this is one last outing…what is Brian doing, exactly, with his time now??)

But the editing and the pacing did not give the audience that space - and so the final scene still seems to be solely about Brian, not about the overall message of queer survival and joy. It LOOKS, at least, like (as Tumblr user @sophsun1 said) Brian was out with no son, no lover (who was in the city he wanted to be in), in a burnt out club. Rip.

The smallest of changes, like having the Britin ending coming earlier in the episode, or even inserting a single “breathing” scene between the Britin and finale scenes would have established the scene beats much better. Honestly, just changing Michael’s awful line (really that whole convo) about Brian always being young and beautiful to simply be about the ~~hopeful future~~ would have set the tone to be not about Brian being miserable.

When I see really old comments online about the end, I don’t get the sense that people fully “got” the end. From what I’ve seen, even fans who were okay with a bittersweet end weren’t really connecting that the finale wasn’t showing Brian miserable, lol.

I think the writers continuously structured the show to revolve around Brian and Britin, then wrote themselves out of that with various in your face plots/dialog, but ignored that beyond the literal words on script, story STRUCTURE impacts viewing experience just as much! These final two scenes display the embodiment of that issue.

The writers desperately needed to slow down, allow digestion, and visually show a divide of scenes if they had wanted the audience to comprehend the last two scenes as separate beats and not action/reaction.

Later this week, I have lots of thoughts about S5 replacement plotlines that would have easily fit into Cowlip’s established world, and a lot about Brian Kinney’s value system and internalized gender issues :)

[demise-seems-dead]

@askingkyborg 's main here to bring you some depressing chip mini fic time because im dying

SPOILERS FOR EPISODES 32-34 AND TW FOR suicidal ideation, self harm, and some mentions of blood.

chip in todays ep was so insane for me i just i couldn't resist.

Mathidle hasn't felt a lot of warmth in their after life, and that's alright. The thing about ghosts is that they feel in opposition to a human. When you're alive, you get a spring to your step. You feel the kisses of the sun bead down over your eyelashes. The wind stirs hunger in your stomach and you fight against it in a little human battle. Your hands get warm when you work for too long, calluses thrumming with your pulse and very very warm. Mathilde knows this to be true.

They don't remember holding a lot of hands, but they remember the feeling, maybe due to its stark contrast to know. When a person is very alive, their hands get warm, and when they are dead and gone, their hands grow cold. And thus for ghosts it works the opposite. When alive hands are as cold as frosty knives but when on the brink of death their hands would be ever so warm. 

Ellgas hands were moderately warm. Not technically undead but having lived multiple life spans she grew warm. With Barney it was impossible to tell. Sometimes his hands felt hot, other times too cold. Hard to discern. By way of logic Chips hands are the coldest of course. Being the youngest of the party somehow, and pretty physically adept, he was the most alive of them all, and thus the coldest. Mathilde can't touch the tieflings hands without a shiver climbing up his non corporeal body. 

That's what made today so different. Chip’s are blazing warm. 

They’d been giving blood to the vanian worker in exchange for currency. Mathilde put themselves close to the brink of death, but for good reason. There is a ghost after all, dying again would be a stunt and a half. Their body has started to float, and their items are starting to slowly fade through their body as he inches closer to full spirit than not. It's not as if they enjoy it, but the familiar tickle isn't a bad thing. 

From beside them a sharp gasp comes from Barney's throat. A head turn shows chip loading up his crossbow, using the cocking stirrup and his foot to slide the bolt back with ease. Its a weird action for someone who had initially seemed hesitant to donate any blood at all. Mathilde raises an eyebrow just as the purple tiefling points the crossbow down at his foot and shoots. A shot of blood stains the white of his shoe and he noticeably grimaces. JJ mews from beside mathilde, circling where his feet are dangling. Mathilde knows kittens know when people are close to passing on, and especially a ghost cat. Mathilde bends a bit to scratch her tiny little grey head to let her know they're okay. It's weird knowing you're close to dying, but as a ghost it doesn't hurt, so it's a bit easier. Another crossbow bolt is shot, and JJ’s ears flatten down a little. 

Mathilde looks back up towards chip. A fuzzy outline is starting to show on him, blue and purple swirly. His face is tight and screwed up, nose pressed into grooves and eyes watering. They can hear a crack of barney's voice, like he's about to say something but pauses. The old man's brow furrows. The teller behind the counter starts counting out money softly, and chip moves in a quick motion. Mathilde momentarily thinks he's putting it away, but after a moment it's drawn, but up by his head. 

“Mon ami, maybe be a little bit more careful w-” Mathilde doesn't finish their thought before the bolt is wedged in chip's neck. It drips a long red string, and mathilde can see ellga lick her lips ever so slightly, but does not ignore the slight worry in her brows. 

Mathilde knows Chip can't take many more shots. Three if he was lucky. Yet it doesn't stop him from moving again. Mathilde closes their eyes as he hears the loading noise, and with the shot the blurry ghost-like outline grows stronger, the purple colour bloombing out more. Another shot. That makes five. He can only take one more. JJ is meowing at the tiefling, who's struggling to stand, blood dripping out of his mouth and leaned over the counter. The clerk seems unphased. 

Mathilde closes their eyes again, and sees a new colour. A soft green pushing the blue and the purple away in the dark. Instinctually, as the light brightens, mathilde opens their eyes. Chip is shuttering audibly, eyes lazing open and shut as he braces.

“Carols gone, what else is there to lose…?” JJ bats at chip’s leg, as if in an effort to stop him. Mathildes face stiffens  at the assassin's comment, and they gently wrap an arm around chip, protectively surrounding him with his wings. 

“Alright, I think that's enough. We’ve got plenty of spending money, right chip?” “...Spendin’ money… r-right, right yeah! Were, were rich!” The brunette moves to pick up his currency and his fingers fumble uselessly, eyes lidded slightly. Mathilde makes their hands noncorporeal and gently scoots the coins to his hands without him noticing, not to make him feel coddled. The alchemist shoots a look over his shoulder at mathilde, and mathilde nods back. The mood remains a bit darker and dreary, but chip seems somewhat stable. Mathilde takes his hand gently. The tieflings hands are warm as can be, and it makes a flood of warmth come over mathilde themselves. 

Weirdly, if just for a moment, he feels a second hand reach over theirs. They close their eyes and see a ghostly outline of a tiefling woman, her hand over yours and chips. She presses a finger to her lips and gives a soft but saddened smile. She mouths to them gently.

“Don't let him down this path, mathilde…” A ghostly wiz-consinite voice whispers in their head. He opens his eyes again to see chip leaning down, smiling at a photo in his hand. Mathilde smiles softly.

“I'm glad she's watching over you, my friend.” they say even though the rogue will likely forget his words from the blood loss. He nods and smiles a bit more. 

“‘M glad too, mathilde…” 

[nerdyvocals]

Final round of episode quotes as @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I finished our final watch party. Once again, the cast and crew are in the house, so @saveourpinks, please enjoy. (You can find previous posts with more unhinged quotes here and here)

Honorable mention from before we actually started, them waking their husband up with: wake up, it's time for me to see gay shit

Second honorable mention, a conversation had while I struggled with my audio: Them: I tried to show [Husband] Merely Players last night but he was too tired Me: I can't believe your husband is homophobic Them: I AGREE Husband, distantly: I don't deserve this!

(about Buddy) God his shoulders, he's built like a Dorito

(this is specifically in reference to episode 8 but honestly, this was said multiple times throughout our watching) Me: WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH COMMUNISM??? Them: It's the 50s! If it ain't American, it's communist!

Me: I love that Buddy's dad's name is Dick Them: It was a choice

(In reference to Blandiels) He makes me SO uncomfortable. Like I know that that's the point but he's so slimy-NO NO STOP, STOP KISSING HER, FUCK-!

(roughly three minutes of us screaming over Lydia's Woman Scorned (tm) dress, followed by another three minutes of us laughing at the faces everyone was making when I pause the video)

(about Susan's mom) Me: Heinous fucking bitch Them: What. A raging. CUNT.

(after we both spent a Hot Minute thirsting over Cynthia dancing on the car) Them: I talk a big game but if I was within five feet of this person, I would be just staring and stammering Husband, distantly: We know honey Them: SHUT UP

(both of us wheezing over CGI!Richie)

Cops: *show up* Us: *John Mulaney voice* SCATTER

Them: NOT THE LINE I'VE LOST THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST AS SHE PICKS UP OLIVIA'S JACKET Me: They are simply In Love

Them: He's gonna do something stupid, I can feel it. Me: You don't know the half of it! Them: He's gonna propose to a teenager! (okay maybe they do know the half of it, fuckin' prophet)

Me: *reading off episode titles as it starts storming where I am* And this one is called You're Dropping Out of Rydell- thank you dramatic thunder???

(honorable mention, me being unable to tell what was real thunder and what was from the episode)

Them: I'm not emotionally ready for this Me: Me neither and I've seen it like eight times already

Nancy: *dramatic exit* Them: She's so dramatic and I respect her and only her

Me: I love you singing along to a theme song with no lyrics Them: Sometimes I just gotta make funky little noises!

(About Nicholson) I am going to break that man's ball sack with a driver.

Them: It's giving pouty little bitch Me: Which one? (referring to Buddy and his dad) Them: Yes

Cynthia: *walks in in Richie's Jacket* Me: Hello my name is Single and Gay Them: I am not single but I am gay and I think... I don't think, I have no thoughts, head empty

(About McGee, then the scene transitions to Daniels) Them: The only adult in this school I respect- I AM GOING TO KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS! Me, wheezing: What about your human hands? Them: THOSE TOO

(said in the most disgusted voice I've ever heard) Of course he likes Walt Whitman

Them: [Husband], I'm killing the pedophile, wanna help? Husband: Let's be honest, do you really need my help? Them: Someone's gotta drive the car.

Them: "Feelings central?" I bet you were feeling sensual when you were making out with Olivia-LYDIA on your couch earlier Me: ...You good there? Them: The names are too close

(Face to Face begins) Ah, dramatic acapella is my gender

Me: Once again, love how much you hate Buddy Them: He's had so many chances to earn my respect and he has done nothing!

Guardian Demon: *appears* Them: What. The fuck. Is happening? Me: BEAUTY SCHOOL DROPOUT BABEY

(@ Buddy) Them: He's not a total ding-dong. Just like 80% Me: He did just thank her (Susan) for having sex with him Them: ...85%

(About the Red Sox analogy) Cynthia giving me Gender Euphoria with one sentence

Nancy: *talking about love stories, mentions Shy Guy* Both of us: *Cackling at the full-body never mind Cynthia does*

Nancy: Tell anyone of my vulnerable nature and I will deny it until the day I die! Them: FUCKING MOOD like I know I was literally also just crying but we're gonna move past that, I'm a bad bitch again

Me: Finale time! Any thought or predictions before we get started? Them: Leonard gets arrested and as he's being taken away, he gets hit by a semi truck- Me: What is this, Mean Girls??? Them: Yes! McGee punches the principal in the face and defeats him in blood combat and cements her place as principal- Me: *slowly dissolving into horrified laughter* Them: Cynthia gets to kiss Lydia again, which is all I really need to be happy, and terrifying CGI Richie comes back and does the Macarena! Me: *can't start the episode for five minutes because I'm laughing too hard*

(Ten seconds in) PAUSE THIS I HAVE BEEF THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY OF GETTING MARRIED THAT QUICKLY IN A CATHOLIC CHURCH

(after rant) Me: Yeah but the tensions wouldn't be as high if they had six months to stop the wedding! Them: ...there are two wolves inside of me, one says valid, and one is formerly Catholic and Upsetti

Me: I want a shirt that says "I have two wolves inside of me, one of them is Catholic" and nothing else Them: *WHEEZE*

Cynthia: He's just. Some guy. Both of us, in sync: HIT HIM WITH YOUR CAR

"Old Soul" is groomer for "Fuckable"

(@ Gil climbing in through the window) Me: On the one hand, I'd fold, on the other? Terrifying! Them: YES! Me: Although I guess if I had the rapport with someone that they have?? Maybe?? Like good in media, bad in real life. Them: Gil? Yes, absolutely. Edward Cullen? Fuck no! The two genres of climbing through my window

(after the drag race) YET ANOTHER THING BUDDY DID NOT EARN

Me: Hey, do you have tissues? Them (afraid): ...should I get some??? Me: Maybe Them: I don't think I have any in the house??? Me: Ah! You're fucked!

*ten minute interlude of us crying over the Coming Out Scene, discussing what it means to both of us, and how furious we are of future generations not getting to see the best queer rep of our lifetimes if this show doesn't get saved. On that note, sign the petition if you haven't already.*

THEY STARTED BY STEALING A CAR THEY WILL SAVE THE FRIENDSHIP BY STEALING A CAR

Oh someone please hit hi- YESSSSS!!!

(at the start of All In) Me: She (Cynthia) is going to cry Them: I'm going to cry Me: I'm already crying

Me: Lydia is stronger than I am I would already be on my knees. (note I use a cane and sometimes a wheelchair, if I am on my knees I Will Not be Getting Up)

Me: Hopelessly Devoted walked so this song could fucking run Them: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THE SAME THING

Pink Ladies: *Offer Hazel a jacket* Them: *aggressively close to the mic* That sounds very gay I'm in

Them: I cannot take my eyes off Jane. Like they are all very beautiful right now but there's something about her- Me: It's the bisexual energy Them: ...Dammit, you're right

Rizzo: We'll start our own gang! Them: With blackjack and hookers!

(Introduction of Frankie Zuko) Them: I'm sorry, HUH???

(As credits roll) Me: So, how we feelin'? Them: Normal, I am so normal, I am feeling so fucking normal about this. Me: Thoughts? Them: *incoherent screaming*

We had some much fun doing these, we decided to keep a quotes list for more movie nights. Next up, Julie and the Phantoms!

[nobodyfamousposts]

ML/LMK AU

How would the ML episodes go in the au?

Copycat would be fun. And a good bit of team building for the heroes.

Theo still has his crush on Ladybug, but this time it's MK who accidentally causes the akumatization by trying to nip that potential crush in the bud by telling Theo to back off because Ladybug can't date civilians. This causes Theo to figure it's okay for Chat Noir to be around her, and his envy of him gets him akumatized into Copycat.

Then events happen as in canon:

Ladybug: Chat Noir robbed the Louvre!

MK: You know it's not Adrien.

Ladybug: Shush, you.

MK: Do you really think Chat would do something like that?

Ladybug: He could have.

MK: Okay, but do you really think he did? Or are you just saying that because you're being petty?

Ladybug: ...it can be both!

MK: ...you know it's not.

Ladybug: Of course it's not! But he blew me off when I tried to call him, so just let me be petty!

MK: You know you’re better than that.

Ladybug: …stupid integrity. (Sighs and goes to help Chat)

MK: (Smiles, proud)

It'd be sweet if it results in steps towards friendship for Marinette/Ladybug and Adrien/Chat by the end.

_________

Kung Food would introduce Pigsy (as a human) along with Wang Cheng and have it be an actual competition with multiple contestants.

MK is excited. Marinette is nervous. Adrien is dragged along for the ride.

And Chloe is still horrible, which leads to some issues in the Adrien/Marinette dynamics since Adrien is still defensive on Chloe's behalf. MK is less inclined to be neutral when his Dadsy is involved.

Pigsy would get his first experience with akumas and try to help the kids. And use food weapons to combat food weapons.

_________

Pharaoh would introduce Tang as Alim's coworker, who would point out the multiple historical inaccuracies of Jalil's theories. As well as the very real ethical issue of wanting to recreate a ritual involving human sacrifice.

Jalil: Isn't your expertise supposed to be in Chinese history rather than Egyptian?

Tang: I still know enough on Egypt to know that this story isn't factual.

Jalil: But I've managed to figure out how to recreate the ritual!

Tang: The ritual that you just said involves human sacrifice?

Jalil: ...um.

_________

MK isn't a student in the class, so Horrificator would be an episode where Ladybug and Chat are forced to work together without him.

(The school gets covered in goop.)

MK: (Walks by, whistling while carrying a delivery package)

MK: (Pauses and notices the state of the school)

MK: (Promptly moves to the other side of the street and continues with his delivery)

Wukong: Seriously, kid?

MK: What? I have a delivery to complete or I'll get fired!

MK: Plus Marinette and Adrien have their school project in there. I'm sure they'll handle it fine.

(Inside the school)

Adrien and Marinette: AAAAAAAAAAAA—!!!

_________

Antibug would be where things come to a head. Adrien defends Chloe as per usual and insists that Marinette should have listened to her. Marinette points out that Chloe had lied to them previously and was actively getting in the way of the fight. This results in the two arguing because per Adrien, Marinette is looking for the worst in Chloe while per Marinette, Adrien is always overlooking anything Chloe does. Which turns into Adrien taking issue with Marinette's grudge-holding while Marinette takes issue with Adrien's passivity.

Adrien: You only ever look at the bad in people even if they don't do anything!

Marinette: Chloe does enough! You just ignore her actions because you're not the one who has to deal with it!

Adrien: There's more to her! You just don't understand her! She can be good!

Marinette: To YOU, maybe! She's your friend, she actually LIKES you! But you're the only one with that luxury, Adrien! It's the rest of us who have to put up with her at her worst! All you do is defend her and lecture me for being sick of it!

Adrien: That's not true! I just think you could be more kind! It's like you want to be angry!

Marinette: She tried to steal my hat design! She stole my diary! She humiliated Kim, ripped up Rose's letter, scared Mylene, and trapped Juleka in the bathroom. Where were your lectures on kindness and tolerance then?

This results in a fight and the two not willing to work together. Poor MK is dealing with being stuck in the middle until he gets captured and can no longer be their buffer. 

MK: (Playing a harmonica inside a cage)

Antibug: Would you knock it off?

So Antibug ultimately requires the other two to work together. Marinette admits difficulty letting go of her hurt feelings to see when someone is being genuine and not letting first impressions cloud her judgement of people. Adrien acknowledges that he needs to acknowledge when he or someone else is doing something harmful.

Adrien: Haven't I apologized enough for the gum? It was just gum! I wasn't the one who put it there! I thought we moved past it! I apologized already, didn't I?

Marinette: When?

Adrien: What?

Marinette: When did you ever apologize?

Adrien: Of course I did! It was right after the...wait......oh.

Marinette: ...

Adrien: I...I thought I had. It seemed so obvious.

Marinette: Well, it wasn't. And every time since then, it's felt like you cared more about protecting Chloe's reputation and sense of mind by denying she did anything wrong.

Adrien: I never meant it that way. I just...I just wanted us all to get along. And I was angry because you keep acting like I'm the enemy every time we interact! MK was fine with me, but it felt like nothing I did was good enough for you because you could never look past that first incident.

Marinette: It's hard to look past something when the person involved keeps acting like hurting you isn't a big deal.

The two eventually talk things out—quickly, because MK is still in trouble.

MK is just glad his cousin and friend are getting along.

_________

Evilustrator would be hilarious.

MK and Chat: (Angry) What do you MEAN you're going on a date with an akuma?!

[krikeymate]

Different anon than before.

But what if, instead of Tara freaking out and begging Sam to stay she just. Stops. Goes catatonic. Sam leaves without realizing the state she just left Tara in.

Tara just sits on the couch staring into the distance, completely unresponsive when Quinn comes in. She calls Mindy and Chad cause she doesn't know what to do. They rush over and can't get any response either. They try to call Sam multiple times but she doesn't answer so they start fearing something happened to her. They still occasionally try to get a response from Tara but still can't. Then finally after several hours Sam comes back and just sees everyone gathered around Tara with lost looks on their faces.

Love a little catatonia disassociative episode.

First up, I want to point out how fucking perfect a time that would be for Ghostface!Quinn to decide to make a play lmao. Imagine Sam coming home to a Ghostface holding a knife to her sister's throat, except Tara isn't even reacting, she's just sitting there, and she doesn't respond when Sam calls out to her.

Anyway.

Quinn comes home and Tara's just sitting there, face vacant, she's not responding when she talks to her. Quinn tries to call Sam first, she's not in the apartment and her phone sits on the table. She has the twins' numbers for emergencies, and this seems like an emergency. (She thinks about taking Tara out now, about leaving a scene for Sam to come home to. But her father isn't ready yet, he's still planning, he wouldn't forgive her if she jumped the gun). She calls the twins and acts the concerned roommate.

They can't get through to Tara. Sometimes she speaks when spoken to - Tara, honey, you need to wake up now, please / I'm already awake - voice monotone, face blank and unchanging.

It's nearing 3am by the time they hear the front door and Sam steps - stumbles - through. She's been drinking. Chad grabs her by the jacket and shoves her against the wall. Despite her inebriation, she still reacts fast, grabbing at his wrists and digging his fingers in. The pressure forces him to let go, but he shoves at her shoulders again. "Where the hell have you been?!" he yells. "Chad," Mindy warns from her place beside Tara. "Getting mad isn't going to help."

"What the hell, Chad," Sam demands, pushing him back. She sees her sister. Mindy places a hand on Tara's, and speaks to her, hoping to get a response: "Hey, look, Sam's back!" Tara tilts her head slightly, eyes as focused on the floor as they have been since the moment they arrived. "Sam left. She hates me... gone."

Sam rushes forward and drops to her knees in front of her sister, fear sobers her up fairly quickly. She cups her face and moves her to face her. "Hey, hey, I'm here, what's going on? Tara?" The girl blinks, eyes unseeing. Oh, Sam thinks. This again. It's happened a couple of times when Tara was younger, she would just... shut down. It has only happened the once, after... what happened. But they always had such obvious triggers, she doesn't know why this wo- oh, she said...

Sam closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, guilt and shame flooding her system. She tells the twins she's got it from here, voice stern and leaving no argument. She offers them no explanation.

Sam stands and takes the time to prepare herself. She removes her shoes and her jacket, she gets changed into her pajamas, and sets out some for her sister as well. She goes to the kitchen and prepares some sandwiches, sealing them up in a food container, and fetching a couple bottles of water. She deposits this all on her bedside table and goes back to her sister.

She reaches out for her hands and says: "Ok babygirl, I need you to stand up for me, ok?" "Ok," she replies, complying. "Great, good job, come with me." Sam holds Tara's hand and turns, pausing to make sure Tara's able to follow. She does.

She directs her sister through getting changed, pushing the clothing into her hands and helping where required. Tara's always been able to follow simple commands when she shuts down like this. It makes it a little easier to care for her through it, it doesn't make it any less frightening. She thinks of this happening when Tara is with one of those strangers, of it happening alone, surrounded by people who don't care about her. She wishes she could turn her brain off.

She tucks them both into bed, and holds her sister close. "I'm here Tara, and I'm not leaving, ever. I'm sorry I scared you, I just needed some air. But I'm here, ok? I'm here, and I'm not mad, and it's going to be ok. I love you. I've got you."

[lastweeksshirttonight]

I've listened to this almost four times at this point, so I better write some thoughts on it. (Did you need them? Probably not but humor me.)

This whole podcast talks deeply about the emotional toll of COVID and the pandemic, so be advised.

Interview starts at 16:10.

To start, I think a thread that runs through this entire episode is Marc being more cynical or bitter than John about a point, and John pausing to realign himself with what his actual level of cynicism is. You can tell that Marc and John like each other a lot, but there is also a tension to some of their discussions that I find really interesting. Like a mental chess match where Marc has a clear POV and John is trying to subtly spin the response to be closer to his own ideals.

The interview opens with the two of them talking about microphone levels and people not being closer to the mic and how irritating it is when people don't know how to use microphones. I am weak to John talking

I haven't watched Rachel Maddow in a while, is she really doing radio shows about Spiro Agnew? What? Why?

John speaking about context and contextualizing our current dark reality. The way he viewed the pandemic and the extent of society's flaws, and how nothing was fixed was really interesting. For as much as he's said that he's allergic to sincerity, that's just plainly untrue. He really does want to believe in the best of everything around him - he later talks about how he loves his children so much it's painful, and I had the same thought. Marc's darkness is something else though, I would laugh helplessly too at being reminded that 30% of the country wants to kill me specifically (help)

"It will eat your messages and shit them back into your face." I truly enjoy when John goes this blue, it always surprises and delights me.

John wants everything to have a system. He really likes the John Wick coin-based hotel system. I don't quite know how the two of them got from the comfort conspiracy theories can provide in dark times to John Wick but hey.

Marc being mad about having no awards and John being like "you really didn't need to say your bitterness out loud bro" killed me.

John has no idea why LWT was moved into another category. He doesn't even know who he's competing against. The Emmys basically afford him the right to be left alone with his show. I think he values that more than anything in regards to LWT - this topic comes up multiple times in this podcast and John stresses that having no sponsors to be beholden to, no commercials, and seemingly little to no oversight makes them able to do things that just can't be done on commercial television. There are more details to mine about this later, but it seems like, for all the absolute chaos of HBO and Warner and Discovery (something John likens to continually having new fathers around and wondering if he even has to bother learning their names), he's still relatively free to plug away at LWT the way he and his team envision it. Which is a relief to hear, honestly, the delayed announcement of LWT being renewed really made me concerned that Discovery in particular was done dealing with him.

I like how John, when given questions, will often ask clarifying follow-ups in this. He's not one for vagueness as it seems - the one that particularly stuck out to me was Marc relaying how he struggles with pulling his thoughts together on current events, using the Gaza crisis as an example for him before asking how John settles on topics. John's response is to ask if Marc means in general, or om Gaza specifically. The conversation moves into the general and how LWT is made now that it's ten years in (John calls the research department a machine and I can tell Marc is hoping that John literally invented a research machine from his tone of voice), but those are two very different conversations that could be pulled from that one question.

I also love John and Marc taking the piss out of John's show. Truly, if John leaves his desk, you obviously just sat through 30 minutes of the worst human misery possible.

-

Marc: "Because of your innate Britishness and your sense of humor, that... you do irritate -"

John, sounding like something just activated in his brain and as darkly as I've ever heard him: "I love to."

Marc: " - the right - ???"

-

My new favorite running theme in John's interviews is his apparently very tense relationship with his lawyers. The nitty gritty of the legal needs of the show, and how John views his lawyers and the frustrations that come with trying to do hard-hitting topics while having lawyers drop out from conflicts of interest, always fascinates me.

John also delves into the security he requires because of the breadth of people he's pissed off. He doesn't seem to care at all and enjoys pissing these people off, despite his wife's concerns. (I'm so sorry Kate you married a deeply weird man) John derives such pleasure from irritating people that it outweighs, say, never being able to go to Thailand without being arrested.

I cannot believe the Sacklers tried to come to the LWT office. Jesus Christ the entitled gall of these people.

Marc offends John with his assessment of England having many destroyed buildings, which leads into him saying, in a way reminiscent of the long-lost American from the Bugle, that he "enjoys the castles". God I miss the American. "How old's this wall? Holy fuck!"

-

Marc: "What are we gonna do about the futility..."

John: -cracks the fuck up-

Marc, finding his point: "...of..."

John: "Let it hang. Feel free to let that hang in the air. Let's just all enjoy the fact that we're all filling it in and coming up with different, equally valid, depressing ends to that sentence."

-

John is so severely offended and killed by Marc's suggestion that he did a Q&A tour. The absolute lowest form of entertainment in both of their minds. John mentions that he emphatically told people they could leave before the Q&A they hosted at the John and Seth stand up show I was at because he feels so strongly about this. I wrongly assumed this was because John hates himself and can't imagine people sticking around for him, but in my defense, that's usually the reason he tells people not to do something/shits on his bangs/etc.

(We still have like 30 min of this podcast, why am I like this)

The question of "what's gonna happen" is a pretty dark one, as John notes. He fears the worst but hopes people will work hard to stop the path we're on. Marc wanting to illustrate where we are is pretty ridiculous, as John points out - just look around.

I think Marc talking about what "all right" means to people gets to something that deeply concerns me about what the future of this country will be for me. I don't want to be that cynical but there is a deep well of selfishness in the US (rightfully identified) that does keep the country from uniting and fighting for survival in times like this. We're definitely at that turning point and I really want to hope we don't drive off the cliff.

I am not really emotionally prepared for jokes about John being in prison, I was genuinely a bit concerned about that The Last Time. That's my own problem though.

I didn't expect to get more information about John leaving The Daily Show on this podcast, but that's one of the most interesting things discussed. Marc asks if John left TDS because he felt the freedom he has with HBO wasn't there, and John says that wasn't the case - his contract expired at the end of 2013, after his summer hosting gig. Ideally, and Jon and John had discussed this (!!), the goal was to have John do TDS in the summers so John could, you know, rest. Sleep. Not be beholden to the horrors all the time. But Comedy Central, in John's blunt words, "didn't really care", so he went to HBO. The way that John mentions that "they would have probably kept [Jon] longer" if they'd actually tried to keep John around sounds just a tinge bitter and honestly, yeah. I'm annoyed hearing that we could have had this magical 2-host version of TDS and CC just... sucks. God I hate them. They gave me most of my worldview as a teenager because of TDS, but fucking A man.

Also interesting to hear, however vaguely, that John had some other offers. Wonder what those were. My best guess, based on what else was going on at that time, is TBS (who later made Full Frontal with Samantha Bee and were building around Conan) might have made a play.

I'm not a parent, but I do appreciate the discussion of parenthood, particularly how anxiety-inducing it can be. Hearing John talk about his worries regarding his prematurely-born son definitely resonated, and I'm glad his son is doing well now. ❤️

The brick joke in the middle of the parenting discussion is the hardest I've ever laughed at Marc Maron. Truly. Masterful brick joke.

I don't have an elegant tag for this - there's much more than what I touched on here in the podcast, and I appreciate how deep the conversation gets. It was really nice to listen to this multiple times during my hell day, and to hear John talk deeper about things that he's rarely asked about.

Also I'm sorry I wrote like fucking too many k words on this, I clearly had thoughts

[ltwharfy]

"Bob's Burgers" Season 14 Episode Ranking Rewatch (long post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post! If you want to check out any of the other seasons, I've been using the "bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch" tag for all of them.

Now, on to Season 14:

Average (Mean) Score: 4.54

Mean (Most Common) Ranking: 5

Ranking Breakdown: 8 5s 4 4s 1 3

Season as whole thoughts:

I won't call it a comeback...but you can check the previous posts and see that the strike-shortened Season 14 has the highest average score since season 9 and that it's numbers put it right up there with my personal Golden Age of the show. It's possible there is some sort of recency bias with these ratings- with one exception (guess which one...) I've only watched these episodes maybe two or three times now so the jokes might feel a little fresher and make me laugh a bit more than they otherwise would. But, I don't really think that's the case. Rewatching these episodes I think that Season 14, like my beloved Season 7, features a great blend of humor, creativity, and emotional resonance, both within individual episodes and throughout the season as a whole.

I also feel like this was a pretty great season for the show's supporting characters: Rudy becomes the first non-main character to be the focus of an episode, we learn more about Zeke's past, they actually made me feel sympathy for Logan, interesting new characters like Will and Sam were introduced, and we get the long awaited (possibly only by me) return of Downtown Randolph Brackenbrown!

Some thoughts on specific episodes (and feel free to ask if you want my thoughts on an episode I didn't comment on):

"Fight at the Not Okay-Chorer-al": The bedtime story- and the way the telling of it went back and forth between the parents and Louise- was a really fun, unique way to break out of the normal world of the show without doing another anthology episode (even though I love those.) So many of the visual details of the western town were beautiful, compelling, and fun. And I'm a sucker for an emotional Linda and Louise story.

"The Amazing Rudy": I am totally normal about this episode. Writing two fics inspired by an episode within a week of it airing is normal, right? Okay, yeah...this episode emotionally resonated with me more than any piece of entertianment I'd encountered in a while. The way it captured the feelings of being a child of divorce- the stress, the anxiety, the loneliness-hit home for me so hard. I can pause this episode at multiple points and tell you about similar things that happened in my own life. And, while I know it's just a coinceidence, it's so weird for me that this story came out last year. Because when I wrote my first fic about Rudy earlier last year, I foiund myself crying while writing a line mentioning his parents divorce- and that lead me to think about why- and to finally do something to process how my parents' divorce decades ago had affected me in ways I hadn't acknowledged before- and to work to move beyond that. So, maybe it's a coincidence, or maybe the Molyneux sisters are witches who can see into my soul? Really, who's to say?

Okay, sorry to do two paragraphs on one episode, but that kinda turned into a weird autobiographical essay, didn't it? As an episode, I think this is top notch in terms of writing, direction, animation, music, and especially the voice-acting of Brian Huskey and Kristen Schaal. Also, while this might sound like a weird comment coming from Mr. "I've been shipping Louise/Rudy since the first airing of 'Carpe Museum'", I really didn't think about the end of this episode in romantic/shippy way until I came on here and saw some other Roudise folks squeeing over it. Because, while you can view it that way, I also think at its heart this episode is really a story about loneliness and friendship-about how we can all help ease each others pain just by being there for one another. And I hope folks can appreciate this lovely story of friendship even if they don't enjoy Roudise from a shipping perspective.

"The Pickleorette": That was fun! Really, both the A story and B story in this episode are a hoot. TIna immediately forgetting about the board game and scheming about how to see Pickles in the restaurant is one of the funniest moments all season. The lines about big sisters making mistakes so little sisters know its okay not to be perfect are some of the best moments between both Linda & Gayle and Tina & Louise.

"Running Down a Gene": I am always a sucker for weird dreams, and Mr. Ambrose always cracks me up. The Louise and Tina cricket storyline is funny and weirdly sweet. But what ultimately puts this into 5 territory is Gene's sweet song at the end- I always love when they have him write a surprisingly moving song (see also "The Gene and Courtney Show").

"Bully-ieve It or Not": It was great to learn more about Zeke's past and get a new (hopefully recurring) member of the 8th grade class. But the character I really loved the most in this one was Jimmy Jr.- in this story, he is the voice of reason, displays some emotional intelligence, and you see how much his friendship with Zeke means to him. Really, this is an A+ story for both Zeke and J-Ju in my book.

"The (Raccoon) King and I": If I need to choose an episode from the whole series to cheer me up when I'm feeling down, it might be this one. The storylines are all pretty low stakes (except for Little King Trashmouth) but the endings are all super sweet! Tina gets to "woo!"; Arnold, Andy, Ollie, and Rudy dance like the nerdy boys they are; Bob dances like the tired middle-aged man he is; Louise fills up a giant bowl with soft serve ice cream to bring to her friends (this is literally one of my favorite images from the whole series); and Little King Trashmouth and His Husband Gary are reunited!!! It is all so freaking beautiful, man!

"Fraud of the Dead: Zombie-Docu-pocalypse": Just a really fun episode- a great way to break from the show's usual formula while still telling a funny, emotionally resonant story. I kind of wish we could see another episode that was the "behind the scenes" of the movie from this episode- I particularly enjoy wondering about if Louise scripted everybody's lines or if it was more improv (Yes, I am particularly wondering about Rudy's "I don't want to be remembered as a complainer" line). Also, Louise beginning to sing in the documentary was one of the biggest laughs in the season for me just because it was so unexpected.

"Jade in the Shade": Putting this in here for Babs, as her reward for creating the spreadsheet and making it through all these posts, but my biggest laughs in this episode came from Cynthia and Logan's interaction. I think anyone who's ever been a teen boy with a mom can relate to Logan in this one. The Linda and Louise interaction is also great, and I loved the return to some of the settings of the movie.

"Butt Sweat and Fears": The Tina storyline and the way it ends- both with her and Sam dancing and with Jimmy Jr. leaning on her- is just so freaking sweet. It's also a really funny episode throughout (call me immature, but the stuff about Chelsea's potentially sick cat and it's poop really cracked me up). And it was fun to see Dalton again- one of those enjoyable recurring characters who I forget about until he's on screen! Funny, sweet, good supporting chracters- this served as a fitting ending to this short season.

Random thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-Rudy was in six of the first nine episodes of this season, making me hope he was on track to tie or pass his record for most appearances in a season (seven in both Seasons 5 and 10). Alas, he didn't appear in any of the remaining episodes. Who knows how many episodes he would've appeared in if it was a full length season? Too bad the season was shortened by the strike. Rudy's kind of like the 1994 Montreal Expos in that regard. (This is an incredibly dorky joke put in solely for my own amusement, please feel free to ignore it.)

Is this the end of my Episode Ranking Rewatch Long Posts?!?! Probably not, I'll probably do one or two more with some thoughts on the series as a whole and sharing my writer and director rankings, since those were one of the reasons I found Babs' spreadsheet so exciting to begin with.

[jacksoneblackburn]

My parentage is changing.

A fanfic of my own character that kinda goes into the lore of my character, altering the story to where they have multiple personalities inspired by the schizophrenic episodes of the Greco-Roman gods (and ofc @bright-side-of-the-moon)

Chapter 1: Will loses track of a patient.

IT WAS A DAY LIKE NO OTHER.

I was doing rounds- checking I was stocked on bandages, my list of patients with allergies, my medicine was stocked, I had plenty nectar and ambrosia, watering my sunflower given to me as a welcome gift by Will Solace when I got claimed, playing my morning playlist of Conan Gray, Olivia Rodrigo, Em Beihold, Claire Rosinkranz, Camilla Cabello- the usual.

Until I get interrupted by a knock on my office door.

I stop playing my music and head to the door, opening it with slight annoyance.

"Yeah? Who is it-"

"Hey, sorry Jacks, I know you're doing rounds but... we have a medical emergency in cabin 3," The person said. It was my freckled, suntanned, tall, blond brother. Will Solace. He was never good at telling me when there was medical emergencies. Especially during the morning.

"I can't help them," I sigh. "I was just about to reorganize my files in alphabetical order again-"

"Well- I- uhh- As Head Counselor slash Medic, I demand you go check on your patient!" He said, puffing out his chest and pointing a finger in the air.

I just stared at him for a while.

"It's been a week and you're pulling that card on me?"

"Just go down-"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"Hmm.... no."

"I'll give you unlimited access to all patient files."

"Where's the camper?" I throw on my lab coat.

"New that would getcha."

"I need blackmail on the Stoll brothers, I take wins where I can get them." I adjust something slightly out of place on my coat then walk past Will.

Will shrugs. "Fair enough."

We walk towards the strawberry fields, making small talk on the way. You know, the usual.

"How many people died last week?" I ask nonchalantly, as if death doesn't bother me anymore.

"Surprisingly, one," Will says while stepping over a mushroom that looked like it was on the verge of exploding. "He fell off of the rock climbing wall."

"Was he drunk?"

"Nope."

"Was he wearing any safety gear?"

"Also, nope."

"Well no duh, it's written on a giant sign to wear the proper equipment with supervision if you want to climb on the wall," I hop over a loose root in the ground. "It's literally the number one rule."

"It was an Ares kid."

"Okay, that makes much more sense."

We make it to the fields, with no one to be seen. Nobody. Anywhere, no matter where you looked. Not a single Satyr, bug, or demigod.

"Uh... Will?" I turn to him and bat my eyes. "Where's. The. Damn. Patient."

"How should I know?!"

"YOU'RE THE HEAD MEDIC. THAT'S YOUR JOB."

"NUH-UH- wait, no. You actually have a point. Am I gonna get fired?" Will was panicking, I was pissed, and we have a missing (probably dying, let's be honest) patient that's nowhere to be seen. "Oh gods, what do I tell Nico?!-"

"Calm down. You find that patient, before Chiron and Mr. D have your practicing license for a month. I'll go ask any nearby campers if they seen anyone..." I pause for a moment. "What did you say this patient looked like again?"

"I- uh.... Girl, very pretty, smelled like-"

"Let me remind you, you have a boyfriend that I know very well."

"Shut up," Will's face taking on the same hue of the strawberry milk served at lunch. "As I was saying, she was a daughter of Aphrodite. She was supposedly having a heat stroke-"

"Why would a child of Aphrodite be all the way out here in the Strawberry fields?" I interrupt. "Sorry, my bad. Please continue."

"-That caused her to pass out," Will continued, albeit, very annoyed. "She was saying something about needing water, and a Cabin Three kid went to the lake to purify some water for her to drink."

"That all?"

"No, she passed out and... well... You know the story from there."

I hum in thought. Being the gremlin I am, I walk away back to my office. "If she's not here, that means she's okay, or someone else is already treating her. Now about those medical documents-"

"What." Will said incredulously. "Not even gonna look for her?- What if there's a dead camper on my hands, and you just walk away?"

I nod. "Pretty much, yeah."

Will stares at me, dumbfounded and slowly getting more and more pissed off. "You're a terrible medic."

"If there's no patient to treat, there's no problem to meet." Ignoring Will's comment, I continue walking away. "I need to finish my rounds."

"You're fired."

I stop dead in my tracks, slowly turning around. "What?"

"You. Are. Fired"

"Y-you can't fire me?!" I walk up to him. "Only-"

"I don't care. Go to the Hermes cabin. And stay there. You're license is officially revoked."

"W-what..." I mumble, terrified. "Y-you can't do this to me- you're taking away my entire purpose-"

"That's the point," He folded his arms, towering over me, the damn Texan. "Get out my damn sight before I do something I regret."

"B-but my documents... My patients- You- you can't do this to me!"

"You are dismissed."

I felt the tension build up in my chest. My grip on my reality slipping away. The tears welling up in my eyes, burning hotter than any of the forges in Cabin 9. My breath became warm, my throat closing up and becoming dry as the tears fall off of my cheeks like rain. My nose and cheeks redder than any strawberry in the field.

I grip onto Will's shirt, falling to my knees and crying into Will's shirt. "P-please W-Will.... D-don't do this...." I sob.

"You have till the Harpies come out to move." Will said coldly, walking past me. Muttering and mumbling to himself to calm himself down as I slowly fall to the floor. Curling into a ball and clutching my stomach as my tears turn the dirt underneath my face slowly turning to mud with my tears.

So that was chapter 1 !!

Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed!

A like would be greatly appreciated because it really supports me (you don't have to if you don't want to) :]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Lmaoo one archon ready to put Neil down if he looks at her the wrong way, the other swooning over Johnny. Yeah, that seems right.

Like Britta needs more shame??? Goddamn, let this girl just be for once. 😭

Wynn 😭 this is all making me very sad. I need my babies to be together please.

Poor Miles, proven again to be just a pawn in the game of his sire and the camarilla. For someone who needs control so much that must be incredibly hard to deal with, especially with Neil's revelation and everything from last episode to boot.

Lmaoooooo Neil just focusing on getting Britta's stuff back from Pendragon in all this. Of course he would focus on the lost items. Our sweet little hoarder.

Oh my God, she's telling them!! and Wynn isn't there. Also Johnny 😭 you're such a sweetheart goddamn. I love his use of iron heart always to comfort the others. He's the best dad.

Of course our 5 humanity bb doesn't know. 😭 Also Britta feeling so guilty and apologising. "I think I can get my jacket back, Neil." goddamn that really got me.

Lmaoooo Johnny! 😂 Breaking the tension.

Miles, pulling away from everyone, trying to surpress all his emotions, pretending they're not there, focusing on the practical and rational.

We. Cannot. Lose. Wynn. I REFUSE!

Neil, wanting them to remember Wynn didn't want this.

Johnny, getting info from Tully, kind of taking over Miles's job in smoothtalking and stuff, but doing it his way by calling them narcs.

It makes me sad any time they talk about the nosferatu just leaving Fester behind. And it makes me like Renwick so much more. He did care.

Miles saying Johnny so sharply. (listen this is all very distressing I need to focus on the kernels of goodness okay to distract myself from despair!)

Okay I shouldn't have said sweettalking. But I know Johnny is trying his best to talk.

Speaking of trust, Noooo Neil😭😭 also I'm sorry you found out, the whole point was you were never supposed to find out. That is not an apology Neil! I hope you know that.

Ohhhh the long pause and then the angry but calm "I wasn't supposed to find out?!?"

The tearful "okay" when Miles says he doesn't want to talk about it now but after the siege.

Miles shrinking away from Britta's offer of comfort, pulling himself back in. God so sad.

God and now we're at Wynn. Goddamn she's forcing Wynn bloodbonded to her??? Oh boy Wynn hates this. And she can't even fight it.

Oh no eye contact, that must mean something bad.

NO NONO they cannot make Wynn do this. 😭 Why does she have to kill Miles. I don't want this to happen! To have Wynn sacrifice Miles to save the rest. Again feeling powerless. Just yesterday she wanted to meet the sun and if she had she wouldn't be here now having to do this.

Also how has he defied them multiple times??? He just did one little diablerie and sanctioned a bloodhunt in new York. That's all!

Is it better or worse to be enslaved to do this? She can't even be able to talk about it??? How are we going to stop this then?!?! 😭 She's a weapon instead of a killer, but I don't think it feels better.

Future missions??? She has to do even more after all of this????

No no no nonononono. I don't like this! This all feels very final! Like there is no way to get around it. 😭 I thought we were having fun, hurting the bbs a little, but this little is a whole lot and I am not prepared.

[kervl-klear]

🌹 for Angae

🌹 - They're lonely/missing home. What do they do?

…………………………………………………

There’s nothing out of ordinary at Rosemary station, Angae continues to do his work as usual. However, despite not having an episode, Angae is visibly more detached than usual.

This is the last day of the month. Since Rosemary is a top-secret facility, they have to manage all the finance and administration work themselves or they will risk having information about their spending and organizational structure leaked out when submitting info to the defense finance accounting service.

North capital is considering putting Angae out of commission and have other general replace him, which would end in his neutralization considering his position in national threat. Seoltang is a literal doormat at this point, so his authority won't mean much at North capital and Noeu is still being suspected of multiple cases of corruption, so Angae had to find a way to survive on his own. Everything had to be extra perfect, after all losing his job mean losing his life which also means that Angae won't be going home tonight.

Last night Angae dreamed that he’s back home at Tulip Island which dug up a thought he tried to ignore. It’s fascinating that he still misses his home intensely even after 20 years had passed and when this kind of thing happens, he would simply live his day normally until the thought fade.

Gripping his pen tightly, he tells himself to stay focused. If he has an episode now, he won’t be able to finish his work.

Suddenly the light in his entire room flash in Morse code.

[Want some help with your asset report Secretary?]

In an annoyance, Angae leave his office. He walks straight to the west part of his office where the hallway light-no, the light of the entire base flickered in other set of morse code.

[I'm here to help if you just say the word]

Angae arrived at the jail area where they temporary keep threats that they capture in Area 21 until the law enforcement come pick these people up.

The rosemary guard salute at Angae as he appoarch one of the jail cells.

Angae: "Excuse me Hongcha, can you stop playing with the light?"

There is no reply, Hongcha is too focused on messing with the wire he manages to dig out from the electric door that he doesn’t notice Angae. Through the gap between each cell bar, Angae reach to tap Hongcha on his shoulder.

Hongcha jolted in disgust but still try to play it cool.

Hongcha: “Hey secretary, you should thank me for helping you cleanse this base from many fatal security deficiencies”

He put the wire down, studying Angae's body language.

Hongcha: "The biggest intelligence facility in the country using simple AC for electrical route is pretty embarrassing you know?"

Angae: "This base was built before other option was invented. Regardless, can you stop breaking into my base? I have to announce a drop in security every time some of my men pause their patrol to deal with you"

This morning Hongcha attempted sneaking into B2 for an intel on some cases where citizens attempted to report that some of generals and executives SA them.

Hongcha: “Let me remind you that I am not on your side. Baegcha is the only one who agreed to join you guys, I’m not interested in your super villain alliance”

Angae: “To correct you, it’s a neutral mercenary corporation”

Hongcha sarcastically make a laughing sound…either that or he really did laugh but his stone-cold expression make thing confusing as usual.

Hongcha: “Yeah, whatever. But you do realize that keeping me here for too long might draw in some catastrophe, right? We all know he has no problem buried a couple thousand of your men with me in this basement”

Angae pout a little.

Angae: "The underground part of this base is strong enough to withstand air raid and if the entrance and exit are buried, we can always use communication to call for outside help. Beside he will not find you here because of the counterintelligence measure especially SIGNINT unless you call him here before you sneak in just in case you got caught, your plan is to escape while Orenji keep everyone busy and Orenji's air raid will destroy any trail leading to you"

Right at the end of Angae sentence an air raid siren alarm came to life. Angae facepalm.

Hongcha: "Awww, so you do remember my behavior pattern. Unlike a certain surgeon who claim to be helping me yet all he wants is for me to stop existing"

Angae: "You all are too predictable, if there's something you want you just go for it, no precaution or consideration"

Angae decide to drag Hongcha with him outside the station and order all soldiers on the ground floor to turn off the light.

Hongcha: "Hahaha, are you seriously using me as a hostage against myself right now?"

Angae: "If you don't want to die, you better corporate. The visibility is low today because of the fog so we should still be at advantage"

Hongcha: "I didn't poke much but I can tell you are about to have an episode; your eyes are darting like crazy, your shoulder is tense, and your lip is shaking, clearly you are reaching your limit, you can't use your camera because your men will see it and you are out of Risperidone because you didn't have enough time to visit Docs lately. Oh, wait maybe you are already having one..?"

Angae got chill down his spine starting to doubt if the fog in front of him is real and if he just makes a fool out of himself.

Hongcha: "Just messing with you, the fog is totally real"

Somewhere outside Area 21, Orenji is out conducting air traffic.

Orenji: "04 to D44A, stop fire. Enter FL010, head 67 at minute 15. CB10 request approved. 04 to D46A, descend to 50 feet, make 90 degrees turn then open fired at minute 24"

One of the invading fighter jets descend then make a sharp turn to the starboard and open fired in straight line, stopping the Rosemary soldier from leaving the station entrance.

Rosemary's anti-aircraft weapons fired some missile in retaliation.

Orenji: "04 to CB10, drop bomb at minute 50"

A bomber flies by above the missile. A bomb was released accurately right on top of the missiles that had target locked on the closest fighter jet to the facility and because of that, the fighter jet is now able to spot the location of anti-aircraft system.

Orenji: "04 to D46A, approved"

The fighter jet open fire at the anti-aircraft weapon, this prompted the air defense unit of Rosemary base to release their own aircraft for ariel defense.

Angae: "Negative! All pilots remained stationed, suspend all flight activity-"

Two aircrafts lifted off unannounced and went straight crashing right to the anti-aircraft station, a couple of strawberry scatters around as the aircraft explode. The confused Rosemary control tower report that the ground that their frequency was jammed and none of them are able to contact the pilots, it is as Angae fear.

Orenji had jammed the signal that the tower use, then pose himself to the pilot as the ATC from the tower they are in contact with then lead them to their demise. Position them at the angle where hearing anti-collision warning is equivalent to seeing 4 red PAPI during touch down. It's seemed that he too is at advantage with this level of visibility.

Hongcha: "Oh nice! These pilots appear to be on my stoplist, what a coincident!"

Hongcha is crossing names on his stoplist while whistling in which Angae look at him with disgusted expression and yes, 30% of the forest around the base are now currently on fire, clearly this had become a miniature active war site.

Angae vision started to flicker between hell on earth and rainbow flower field, he can feel that he also had to close his eyes longer each time to retain himself. He got to find a way to end this fast.

Angae told one of his men to go get him a Barret M82. At the moment an extraordinary powerful rifle could be a better approach compared to SAM that are not just a bigger target for fighter jet to strike back and easier to spot but also a more explosive one.

The soldier handed him what he asked, but they also have to report him that Angae had took the scope back home with him for a maintenance a couple of day ago and the scope of the other guns here won't fit the barrel. So much so for not making a fool out of himself-

And so, Angae asked his soldier to bring him myopia glasses and magnifying glass.

Decommissioning the aircraft with sniper gun is impossible as bullet can only travel at 2,600 km per hour and these jets fly at least 1,900 km per hour. But he knows how he can decommission its firearms. Also, he personally doesn't want any aircraft to crash here as it will become his base's responsibility to clean it. So he decided that he should go straight to confront Orenji head on.

Before getting close to Orenji though, Angae want to decommission a couple of his communication equipment but where could Orenji be hiding?

Suddenly a Hydrangea with two comedically huge petals spoke in Hongcha's voice.

Hongcha: “Oh man, if only there’s someone who had 5 years of experience in dealing with first generation Northland combat controller standing right next to you”

It appears that his vision had already switch and he is 100% in psychosis episode now as temporary closing his eyes don't make the vision inaccuracy go away, he won't have much time before the rifle in his hand turn into something else.

Hongcha probaly notice the puzzled look on his face hence asking for involment.

Angae: "I'm not returning your electronic equipments so you can hack into the North capital system and release a conventional war scale missile designed to sink a battleship"

Hongcha: "Come'on. Unlike Baegcha, I won't try to kill Orenji"

Angae sighed, Hongcha is indeed one people with the most information about Orenji and having him completely station here is indeed a waste of resources.

Angae: "Can you pinpoint Orenji's hiding spot?"

Hongcha: "Thought you'd never ask"

Suddenly the comedically large petals on Hydrangea start spinning at turbine speed, then it shoots a gigantic neon blue sausage into the sky. This led to Angae also notice that the fighter jets had turn into a wooden bird.

Alighting the magnifying glass at the right distance, Angae asked Hongcha to hold it still for him. Angae is very curious as to what his brain will interpretated a Hydrangea holding stuff but apparently, the magnify glass simply float in place.

Orenji statled as his radar goes out of commission followed by two of his duplex radios then the RF modulator, limiting his communication route.

Orenji: "D44A, D46A, CB10 return to base"

Orenji inspect his broken equipment, he hopes to fix it as soon as possible and may be ground jack one of the airliners just in case. But then he heard a subtle ruffle sound which prompt him to take his own pistol out.

The intruder fired at Orenji first in which he shoots back in retaliation, he would have D45A take care of the intruder for him however he had no idea where exactly this intruder is. More shot was fired and Orenji continued to shoot back.

While reloading his gun, Orenji hear a quiet thud sound on his left, he looks up from his gun in which he found Angae.

Angae's eyes are not exactly alight with where Orenji is, clearly mean that Angae can't see where Orenji is and is only listening to his radio. This greatly impress Orenji as this means that Angae recognized the type of his gun purely from the sound, he then precedes to count each shot and took the opportunity when Orenji is reloading his gun.

Angae look at the massive orange tree in front of him, each orange hanging on his branch talk over each other, reporting every single little thing they see. Angae is a bit nervous knowing what he's currently facing. Orenji doesn't sees a single thing on field, everything he know are from his radar and pilot reports.

Angae stare at the orange tree intensely, he didn't intend for Orenji to notice him. He doesn't even know if he's really holding guns right now, he just knows that it sounds correct when he squeezes it.

Both are at stalemate. Either the wooden bird shoot or Angae shoot.

Hongcha: "Orenji...."

Both were taken aback by the approaching Hydrangea that had now grow a pair of chicken feet. The Hydrangea and the Orange tree stay still in front of each other for a couple of second in awe, it's been 3 months since Orenji last saw Baegcha/Hongcha and it's been 6 months since Hongcha last saw Orenji.

Orenji: "Baegcha"

Unlike the rest of C2ISTAR, Orenji called both Baegcha and Hongcha "Baegcha", this is because Orenji want to call his significant other by their preferred name.

Angae can't quite tell what's going on but both plants seem to be giving some sign to each other, wrinkling and shuffling their leaves.

Orenji: "All is worth for ending your suffering Beagcha, I look forward to it. 04 to CV04, drop ladder at 13.68N 100.99E"

A wooden bird fly by then hover above them. One of Orange tree's branch reach out to the chain hanging from the wooden bird. It's seemed that Orenji had escaped with his aircraft.

Angae still doubt the situation. Beagcha/Hongcha was in front of him, but Orenji choose to escape instead of pressing on to putting his significant other out of misery as intended. It was an abnormal sight.

Both Hongcha and Baegcha stay to help Angae out with the bills and incident reports while Angae reorganizing the intelligence in the base. A couple of days later another box of money was drop in front of Angae's house. With a photo of the funeral held for the two Rosemary pilots, seem that Orenji paid for their funeral.

Hongcha: "Here's the conclusion report, are there anything else?"

Angae: "No, that is everything, I'll pardon your jail time as promised"

Finally, being in a less chaotic mindset. Angae now notice that he made mistake in his deduction and what happened is somewhat less obvious than he thought. Apparently Orenji, Beagcha and Hongcha can carry some discreet operation as well.

Angae: "Orenji was the one who paid you to break in here didn't he?"

Hongcha reply with silence.

Angae: "You two are trying to scare the other generals away from this base and you want North capital to think that they need me to fend you two off"

Angae look up from his computer only to find that the secret service was already gone. Angae make a small idiot smile, he definitely has the worse group of friends in this world. But this probably will be the closest things to the homesick pill he will ever get.

…………………………………………………

Thank you for your patience in the TFC circuit and thank you for tuning into my frequency. CVL2, RWY CLR. 🛫✨

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC!!!!! i hope u r havin a GOOD DAY!!! i came 2 tell u that a) i watched ep 18 of pd s2 and i feel like i lost all of my braincells. businessman vyncent you are SO fucking cringefail. “it’s time for my four o’clock piss” ????? they brought in tony from tony’s pizza as a lawyer. this was so fuckign dumb oh my lord. what even was that episode i think my brain leaked out of my ears!!!! this is a got damn sitcom!!!!!! i had to pause every few minutes because i felt like i was losing my mind. genuinely surprised i did not have an aneurysm through that whole mess it was so fucking funny and so fucking stupid <3 ALSO!! things from the episode that immediately made me think of u: the wiwi danny phantom parody at the beginning!! as soon as i heard the beginning of the theme song i was like “YOOOOO MAC GHOSTIEZONE MY FRIEND MAC GHOSTIEZONE PROBABLY WENT NUTS OVER THIS!!” also BRIEF GILLION TIDESTRIDER MENTION 🎉🎉🎉 charlie accidentally did the voice he does for gillion at some point in the episode and i was like!! that is mac’s fish guy!!!!! the he!!!

also. b) i heard. that in riptide. at some point in an episode. grizzly decided to write gay smut and have gillion read it. and i am too curious for my own good so i found the episode and the timestamp and watched it. head in hands. Grizzly What Is Wrong With You. THE THING IS IT WAS ACTUALLY LOWKEY WELL WRITTEN LIKE HE ACTUALLY CAPTURED THE FEELING OF READING EROTICA WRITTEN BACK IN LIKE THE 1800’S. I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW HE WROTE THAT OR WHY. BUT I THINK IT ALTERED SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY IN A VERY STRANGE WAY. THAT IS NOT HIS FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT NO WAY IT IS HE HAS TO BE LYING. GRIZZLYPLAYS WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS. I DONT KNOW THE FULL CONTEXT ALL I KNOW IS THAT I LISTENED TO GILLION TIDESTRIDER READ GAY EROTICA AND THE TERM DARK PUCKERED HOLE WILL UNFORTUNATELY LIVE IN MY HEAD FOREVER

and c) THAT. ASIDE. lookit the lil guy i bought yesterday :3 he is a cat…….. BUT ALSO A SHARK!!!!

i wanna name him wiwi. not rly for william related purposes he just looks like an el wiwi. fuckin itty bitty thing!!!!!

anyway i’m gonna watch ep19 today <3 i hope ur havin a lovely day i am sending u one million hugs in the mail they’ll be there in five to ten business days

AHAAAA GOD THE HEIST EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING STUPID I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THEYRE SUCH IDIOTS. CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GOT OUT OF THERE IN ONE PIECE. anyway . hi! u just met david how do you feel about david!!!!!! stupid idiot fell for businessman vyncent.

AHA I FORGOT THAT WAS THE ONE WITH THE DP INTRO. u know whats really funny. the first post in my pd tag is a clip of that intro. i saw that when i was about halfway through riptide and my immediate reaction to it was "oh god i can never watch prime defenders now. ill be too insufferable about it if they lean into the dp angle for the ghost boy" and. well. look at me now. funny enough i think the second post in my pd tag is a piece of mark winters fanart where i was like "man idk this guy yet but he looks cool" LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW. points at past me. his ass is clueless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD. FUCK. YOU DONT EVENFUCKING KNOW. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. THE EXTENT. AT WHICH GRIZZLY WROTE OLD MAN SMUT. THE FUCKING VISCERAL REACTION THAT CLIP HAD ON ME. I HAD TO TAKE OFF MY HEADPHONES A FEW TIMES. I WAS ON CALL WITH JONESY AND THEY WERE LIKE. no. no. coward. put your headphones back on and listen to dark puckered hole like a man. i hate it here. and the fact that it was gillion who read it OUT LOUD who is the like. EXPLICITLY ASEXUAL CHARACTER. extremely funny to me. peepaw getting down. god i love riptide it sucks so much this podcast is so unserious. theres no way this is grizzlys first time writing fanfiction WHY IS IT SO WELL WRITTEN. fuck!!!!!!!! fuck you for making me think about dark puckered hole. this is not a single occurrence btw there are MULTIPLE readings of this book. jay cannot leave gillion and chip alone for five minutes or gill will start reading the smut book out loud again.

I LOVE WIWI THE CAT ALSO.................... OH MAN..... LITTLE SHARK KITTY........ he looks squishable. activating my cuteness aggression i think i need to bite him.

[ejzah]

The Agent and the Fireman, Part 3

***

Marty Deeks sat down on the end of his bed, a business card that wore signs of being held multiple times in one hand and his cell in the other. He’d reached this point half a dozen times before, but been interrupted, or chickened out, every time.

Normally, he wasn’t shy about asking a woman out, but Kensi Blye did something different to him. She was blunt, fearless, funny, and absolutely gorgeous.

He smiled, remembering his initial shock, followed by amusement and finally admiration when she grilled him about calling. Even though her tone had been joking when she called him out, Deeks had a feeling he wouldn’t get another chance if he waited too much longer. Brushing his bangs from his eyes, Deeks thumbed in the number on the card.

***

Kensi got home, kicking off her shoes on the way and leaving a trail of clothes on her way to her bedroom. There, she she rooted around in the pile of clothes next to her bed until she found a reasonably clean shirt and tugged that on. After that, she collected a glass of water, a beer, and the pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream from the kitchen, settling herself in front of the TV.

It had been an incredibly long, tiring, not to mention frustrating week. They’d finally pinned down the person stealing confidential information from multiple companies, as well as linked him to their two cases of arson. Kensi took his arrest personally after nearly burning to death.

Prying the lid off the tub of ice cream, Kensi settled in for a night of burgeoning supermodels and delicious carbs.

Her phone rang two and a half episodes on, and she picked up without looking.

“Nell, you had better not be interrupting my Tara Banks time with another case.”

“Hi, uh, it’s Deeks actually.”

Kensi’s eyes widened, words for escaping her for a second.

“You know, from LA fire department,” he added, like Kensi could forget the man who had literally carried her out of a burning building in his strong arms, like something out of a romance novel. “Please tell me this is the right number.”

“Yes, it is,” Kensi said quickly. “Sorry, I thought you were a coworker.”

Despite her teasing and pushing, she truly hadn’t expected him to call at this point. As though he could see her across the phone, she shoved the half-eaten carton of ice cream under the coffee table, and straightened her stained t-shirt.

“Thank god. That saves me the trouble of choosing a wrong number story.” He cleared his throat, and something in the background rustled. Kensi immediately pictured him laying down in bed, shifting among the covers.

Ok, get a grip, Kensi, she told herself before her imagination turned more inappropriate.

There was a extended pause, and even with the distance between them, she felt the tension grow.

“So, I believe you owe me a date,” Deeks said softly, the slight drawl sending unexpected warmth to Kensi’s cheeks.

“Um, if anyone owes a date, it’s you,” Kensi objected instinctively.

“I believe I saved your life, Agent Blye.”

“And I had to wait over a week for you to call me.”

Deeks chuckled, a throaty sound that Kensi was already a big fan of. “You make an excellent point. Alright, so Agent Blye, would you go out on a date with me next Saturday? World catastrophes notwithstanding.”

“Yes,” Kensi agreed without hesitation, and for once she didn’t even care. “And just for future reference, I like sushi, Mexican, and Korean food,” she added.

“Noted,” Deeks responded with a soft chuckled. “Alright, I’ll text you with the details.” He paused a beat. “I’ll let you get back to your important Top Model,” he teased.

Al Kensi got out with was a gasp of protest before Deeks signed off with a laugh filled goodbye.

***

A/N: Thanks for everyone who has expressed their enthusiasm for this story. I hope this less action filled chapter is still enjoyable.

[blubberquark]

How Not To Do A Podcast

Don't have a web site: You don't really need one is this day and age. People find your podcast on Spotify, or on Apple Podcasts, or on YouTube. If you put your episodes up on YouTube, don't need hosting or a domain or a home page!

Don't link to the RSS Feed: If you do have a web site, you can just not bother with a public RSS feed. People on Apple podcasts get your episodes from Apple. If you want to post the episodes to your Web site, just embed the mp3a in blog posts! Don't give the hoi polloi access to the RSS feed, or they might steal your content, or worse, drive up hosting costs by downloading all the mp3s at once!

Don't bother with show notes: Show notes limit your reach. They don't show up the same on YouTube and Spotify, and you can't embed images in a pinned comment. Even worse, show notes lead people away from your podcast or the app. Alternatively, treat show notes as required reading. If you must have them, this is the way to get the most out of your show notes. Refer to the show notes all the time, and tell our audience to just read or listen to the linked stuff. Don't bother excerpting or paraphrasing things from elsewhere on the Internet. People are on a PC, they can click on links! In the show notes, don't bother adding context either. When your listeners have listened to the episode, they will know what the links mean.

Talk about your editing process and audio setup: Did you just buy a new mic? Are you recording on your laptop microphone in a hotel room? Don't just apologise for the audio quality, tell your listeners that normally you would record on the same hardware that NPR uses for This American Life. Talk about how you bought a new Mac Studio Ultra with 128 GB of RAM for editing the pauses out, and that time you had to interrupt the interview because your guest opened the door to accept a package delivery.

Keep introductions to a minimum: Your listeners have listened to the previous 500 episodes in chronological order, so they know what your podcast is about and who is hosting it. Don't start your podcast episodes with the name of the podcast, or introductions where every host says "Hello, I am Alice" "And I am Bob. This is the Alice and Bob send cryptic messages podcast. Today we're going to discuss PGP." This stuff is lame. Just say "Hi, here we are again, how has your last week been?" or "We're back! Sooo..."

If you really have to introduce multiple speakers, just have one host name everybody. Instead of repeating what the podcast is and who is doing it every time, start the episode with frequently updated information like upcoming meet-ups, listener feedback about the episode before last, how to reach you on twitter, your new mastodon instance, and current Patreon goals.

Use .mp3, .aac, or .wma: As long as the bit rate is high enough, people won't notice. Your goal is to reach as many people as possible, so an old file format like WMA is the best. For audiophiles, also have a feed in FLAC format. In the past, 250MB episodes would have been annoying, but everybody listens on YouTube and Spotify anyway (they do the transcoding for you). If they don't, maybe the 250MB per hour will make them reconsider.

Episodes should least at least 80 minutes long: Sometimes time flies, sometimes you need a lot of time to get to the point. People love to listen to the Joe Rogan Experience, which is sometimes 3 hours long. If your guests have more to say, don't record a bonus episode, just ask yourself: What would Rogan do?

Chapter marks work against you: Chapter marks let listeners skip past the ads, but they also let them skip past the part where you announce the next listener meet-up, the new URL of the t-shirt store, and ways to contact you. It is of vital importance that in five years, people who listen to your podcast will be familiarised with the old twitter handle you used to have, the old coupon code for RAID: Shadow Legends that doesn't work any more, and the listener meet-up in downtown Mariupol.

Frequently upgrade your web site: Like I said, it's usually not worth having a web site. But if you do, you need to

keep it fresh.

To do this, you should frequently update the URL of your home page, the URLs of blog posts where users can listen to individual episodes in their browser, your commenting system, your domain name, and the character encoding of your transcripts.

Listeners love banter and personality: Don't read from a script, because that sounds lame and stilted. Don't even have an agenda or written notes. If you want to talk something out, do it live on air. If you talk to a co-host or a guest about the topic or the ground rules for the episode, then do that live on air, too. If you go off topic, or if you have to spend a minute googling something during an episode, if your dog barks, a host goes on a tangent or if there is a package delivery at the door, just say "we'll edit that part out" and then leave the whole thing in, or edit but leave in the bit where you say "we'll edit it out in post". That joke never gets old. Asking your co-hosts about the topic of today's episode gives your podcast personality, rich texture, and entertainment value. The key is to be your raw, unfiltered self. Anybody can read from a script, but only you can answer the door for an Amazon package.

Listeners love drama: If somebody sends you a mean tweet, don't ignore it and move on. Use it! Read out all the mean tweets on your podcast. Make them a regular feature. Ask your listeners whether they agree! They will shower you with sympathy and engagement. If you don't have enough twitter drama to go on, you can invite guests for drama: Get people from twitter onto your podcast. I know, it sounds like a threat when you have twitter beef with somebody and ask them onto your show where you can edit them and you have an audience that's on your side, but you're reasonable here. You can say "twitter is such a terrible format for this, let's hash it out somewhere more appropriate". In the best case, you win the twitter argument without actually having to record the episode. You can just say in your podcast they didn't want to debate you.

Don't record episode 0 or -1: Back in 2005, it was customary to record an "episode zero" as the first thing in your RSS feed. There was even a cool service (now defunct) that aggregated all every "episode zero" from feeds into a feed of upcoming podcasts. These days, you record a trailer for your podcast and that is inserted into feeds of other podcasts at Wondery, Tortoise Media, and Serial Productions. It's passé to have a 15 minute introduction to an upcoming podcast.

Similarly, it used to be customary to record one or more "negative" episodes where you just check out your recording equipment and get used to the process, figure out which segments and interview formats work. You're a professional though. You don't need to get used to hearing your own voice.

You can go the extra mile and scrub everything but the latest 5 episodes from the feed.