#when I mean them I mean Mori and John

[jbwashere]

BreakTime... save me BreakTime <3

[randomfoggytiger]

Psychics Developed Their Abilities Through Alien DNA

I found it fascinating that all the characters in The X-Files with psychic ability developed it because of their existential brushes with death (post here.) But how does the existence of Luther Lee Boggs and Clyde Bruckman and John Lee Roche (and Dana Scully) correlate with their antithesis Gibson Praise? Yea, further, what does it mean for someone like Mulder-- a man with an incredibly low threshold for psychic abilities (ironic, I know) to be given and stripped of that ability because of an alien artifact and hacksawed brain surgery?

In short, the answer connecting all these dots is, simply, the alien genome existing, dormant, in every single human being on that planet.

Alien DNA and Psychic Ability

The show went out of its way to hammer home that humans have been inoculated with and against the alien virus since the first spaceship touchdown; but it also decided (halfway through the show) that all the inhabitants of the planet were-- and had been, and would be-- born with alien DNA. Because the original inhabitants were alien in nature, their genomes trickled down to humans; and that alien-human gene is what the alien overlords planned to exploit when they invaded and colonized Earth.

The Consortium, it seems, decided that the key to their species' survival was in the creation of apex humanity, taking in mad scientists post WWII to graft men with bugs (Travellers), rip the ability to sleep from soldiers' brains (Sleepless), and create different types of clones from alien fetal tissue with differing levels of success (Eve, Colony-Endgame, Memento Mori, etc.) Those experiments having largely failed, they theorized it would be easiest to start from the ground up: extracting and experimenting with ova before adding sperm and "allowing" them to grow into functioning clones or more, sadly, malfunctioning humans.

Then, a discovery: Gibson Praise, born with abilities far beyond what had been created or developed and completely without interference, was lauded as the breakthrough they needed; and coveted, captured, and traded by every faction, good or evil, under the sun.

Gibson Praise and the Keys to Everything

Gibson was now established as the undeniable link between mankind, psychic ability, and the alien genome. Born "flawless" and functioning independently and autonomously without the need for special medications to keep his system afloat, the Syndicate considered him the lucky culmination of what they had been working to achieve, unsuccessfully, for decades-- the backbone upon which they could rest their future research and projects. Knowing this, the powers-that-be captured him and cut his brain open in an attempt to replicate his genius. Without luck.

Why did the Consortium capture and study Gibson Praise instead of the countless other psychics running amok around their world? The Syndicate has been shown to capture and study new advances in science; and that allows the viewers to infer psychics are either a dime-a-dozen or old hat; and, either way, are of no current interest or use to the Organization. It would probably have been a waste of time and resources to pursue and test every single one; and, besides, the link between their abilities and their sleeper DNA hadn't been proven before. Gibson, meanwhile, was a unicorn-- the direct link they'd been seeking-- and imperative to their research and ambitions.

But: Gibson Praise, the first key to everything, failed them.

On the tail end of that disappointment, Cassandra Spender popped back down from a UFO completely and miraculously healed. The Syndicate saw this as their new key to everything-- she'd been grafted with alien DNA, enough to correct whatever physical and neurological damage had been done to her body; and was a walking, talking example of different side project that had, also, not gotten off the ground. Perhaps no one could be bred and born like Gibson; but they could-- as the Consortium hoped-- be grafted in.

But: Cassandra Spender, the second key to everything, went up with the Consortium like a puff of smoke.

However, fate had not run out of keys to everything; and threw one last insane (almost literally) trick at the wall to see if it would stick.

Biogenesis, the Lynch Pin

When Biogenesis Mulder touched the literal key to everything-- an alien artifact-- it unlocked psychic potential so vast that his brain lit on fire and his body shut down. (It should also have infected Scully as well, see post here.) Mulder's catatonic state demonstrated how powerful the alien genome could potentially be if activated in the human body-- too powerful for the human body--and proved, once and for all, that psychic ability was caused by alien DNA: not only was he able to read the cue cards from Skinner's mind, but also predict them, divining peoples' actions and motives before they'd unfolded in the present. Not even Gibson Praise was this powerful, having only the ability to telepathically read minds. Mulder, meanwhile, had a mixture of everyone's psychic ability-- telepathy (Biogenesis) and psychic prediction (The Sixth Extinction) and mental projection (also The Sixth Extinction, but implied rather than overtly stated in Scully's poetic monologues.)

When CSM cut that section out of Mulder's brain (I know, I know) and put it into his own (I know, I know), Mulder was freed from the advanced development and destabilization of his mind... and also, his alien DNA was, theoretically, removed from his brain.

Which had huge implications for the series... and was never touched on again.

But what was touched on, and is of vast importance? Even after Mulder's "psychic sector" was removed, he was still caught up in psychic projections, a reoccurring pattern between he and his partner since S2's Ascension (and culminating in This Is Not Happening.) This leads us to one conclusion: throughout the series, it was not Mulder who was creating or projecting these psychic scenarios; leaving only one other person as the culprit-- Scully.

Dana Scully, the Psychic

How do we know Mulder isn't the more psychically inclined one in his and Scully's partnership? Well, the experiences he shares with her are only remembered by one party-- Scully-- and begin during her capture in Ascension. In Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Mulder asked layman questions in an attempt to navigate the parameters of psychic ability; and furthermore, Paper Hearts left him confused, discombobulated, and unnerved in the face of John Lee Roche's psychic projections. He is an incredibly intelligent, bright man with insane profiling abilities far beyond his peers and teachers and superiors; but psychic, Mulder seems not to be.

How does this prove that she, not Mulder, is the psychic in the X-Files partnership? In each and every supernatural situation shared between them, Scully was the only one who remembered the incidences: Mulder either wrote them off as his tortured imaginings (Ascension) or didn't recall them at all (The Blessing Way, Within, This Is Not Happening, etc.) Not only that, but she often brushed up against paranormal or supernatural spirits or angels with personal pleas and warnings as far back as Season 1 (posts here and here.)

As touched on in an aforementioned post, she, like Luthor Lee Boggs and Clyde Bruckman and Harold Spuller, sees dead people; and like Boggs, Bruckman, and Spuller, Scully developed that ability through a close connection with death (or the death of someone close to her): specifically, her father's in Beyond the Sea.

An important note: it's not a surprise that psychic phenomenon is awakened around or in the aftermath of death: human history records how death has so touched and punctuated the human spirit that it drives humanity to seek answers or presences or enlightenment or anything "greater" than themselves with cyclical regularity; but it's interesting that-- without meaning to, I'm certain-- this show taps into that shared experience and transforms it into a gateway to human consciousness, an ability to bring forth something greater from the deep recesses of an unconscious or subconscious mind and into the reality of the tangible world.

Scully is not the only member of her family to be psychically in-tune, either: Maggie's dream predated her daughter's gnarly abduction and death (Ascension); and Melissa's sixth sense tried to buoy Mulder's (One Breath) and her sister's spirit (The Blessing Way deleted scene, post here) during dark, hopeless hours.

But Scully is not your ordinary Scully, or even an ordinary psychic: her abduction played a significant role not only in her life but also in the mytharc; and, more imperatively, in connection with Gibson Praise.

Mytharc Tie-Ins: Alien Spaceships, Healing, and William

The Consortium, as we established, wanted to create a superior race to combat the impending alien invasion. Their previous experiments on fully developed humans having failed, they decided to start from the ground up: ova. Thus, they started capturing women-- who would later create MUFON and its European chapters, kept in check by the Syndicate via Diana Fowley-- to experiment on, extract and store their ova, and return them, chipped, for further use. Most ova experiments created more clones without any extra enhancements; and most women were returned infertile but largely unharmed. The only woman we know of who was returned on the brink of death (and survived) was Scully, meaning her testing was so severe that, without CSM's interference, she would have died in a government lab and been discarded as medical waste.

And, ironically, coincidentally, indubitably, the very women the Consortium kept trying to kill over and over-- via capture, cancer, or alien incubation virus-- was the same woman who restored her own fertility via an alien spaceship; and (post Season 7) gave birth to a son who was (post Season 8) born with powers even stronger than Gibson Praise's.

How do we know Scully's fertility was restored by the alien spaceship and not by CSM machinations or any other miraculous intervention?

Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz admitted they liberally hinted at Scully's pregnancy throughout Season 7: i.e., the family planning book in The Sixth Extinction and the boy on the beach (post here and here.) Though the latter fit as Mulder's reconnection with his inner child, it also served as the writers' jumping off point for more (however ill-advised or badly executed.)

And when does the boy on the beach start appearing to Mulder? After Scully touched the hull of the spaceship in Biogenesis.

Furthermore, En Ami was written by William B. Davis after CC and Spotnitz had laid their grand plans for the finale. Carter saw this as another opportunity to obscure Wiliam's paternity-- setting up another mystery to tease as long as possible-- and changed up Davis's script accordingly (post here and here.)

If you choose to pursue canon after Season 8-- which I don't-- then William is the next "organically" born Gibson Praise, but with far greater abilities. Is this because of an extra "oomph" from the spaceship, or because of Scully and Mulder's genetic tampering via sundry Consortium experiments?

The most likely explanation is the spaceship, since many other abductees have been experimented on, returned, and created families of their own without any noteworthy changes to their offspring. Realistically, William was created by the showrunners to be a completely ordinary miracle for Scully and Mulder-- Mulder's lines in Existence ("...maybe he isn't what they thought he was. That doesn't make him any less of a miracle, does it?") served as the period to the sentence of the series; and was written before there was definitive confirmation for Season 9 and without the "magic child" plotline put into place-- but, canonically, he is a wee baby with incredibly advanced, out-of-this-world powers that will eventually grow into a psychopathic-- excuse me, floundering-- teenager. This draws us back to the alien ship as the origin of life: healing not only that dead fish but also Scully's reproductive inability; and laying the groundwork for little William's enhanced abilities.

How the Syndicate Shot Themselves in the Foot (Again)

An interesting note on the shadow project and genetic tampering: I believe the Syndicate hindered the ova's viability because of the tests they put the women through before extraction, which changed both mother and child's DNA-- so much so, that the eggs and resulting fetus could not (barring medical assistance) successfully thrive if grown outside of their mothers' bodies.

How can I back up this theory? With Season 8's Per Manum and Essence.

Dr. Parenti and his narrowed cohorts found that he could grow alien-human fetuses to full term in a woman's womb with better results; and began using his clients as hosts, swapping the alien fetus at birth with their own (test-tube grown) "normal" baby. He then ruthlessly harvested or killed them in various developmental stages, preserving their remains in jars for future testing; and, of course, carefully disguised his unethical practice as above-board research into fetal deformities.

Why does this matter? It means Parenti and his merry men of Syndicate leftovers are the only ones-- that we know of-- who could bring alien-human or strictly alien fetuses to term without genetic "padding", cloning, or lifelong medical intervention to keep them from destabilizing. Furthermore, the women he selected for IVF treatments were former abductees who had a history of infertility; meaning, he specialized in creating babies for and out of women with tampered genetics that the Consortium cast aside as useless garbage.

The Consortium had unwittingly created the perfect hosts for their enhanced ova but failed to recognize this; and, instead, used their abductees as chattel, or killed them off when they were deemed no longer useful.

In short, they failed. Again.

In Conclusion

The mytharc may be a mess; but at least it stirs together psychic ability and alien DNA in a sort-of edible hodgepodge.

For canon deniers post Season 7, psychic ability is still tied to Gibson Praise and humanity's inherent alien DNA; for canon deniers post Season 8, Scully's fertility is still "fixed" by the alien spaceship; and for all-canon viewers, William's powers are still enhanced because the alien spaceship intensified his preexisting alien DNA.

Was any of this intended by the writers? No, probably not.

Does it make sense in the grand scheme of things? Perhaps.

At any rate, this is the most coherent the mytharc has been in a while; and I'll take it.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[minkshame]

I did want to reshare the SPARE CHANGES PLAYLIST complete with tracklist and key lyrics... under the cut

SECTION 1 (TORD):

Half a World Away (R.E.M.) - My hand's tired, my heart aches / I'm half a world away

Leaving New York (R.E.M.) - You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)

Dirty Imbecile (The Happy Fits) - When my heart starts beating, lungs stop breathing / All my fibers say to run away

Don't be Seen with Me (Oppenheimer Analysis) - I kept things under strict control / Resisted all diversion

How to Disappear Completely (Radiohead) - That there, that's not me

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beatles) - I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say / Hey, you've got to hide your love away

Heart in a Cage (The Strokes) - See I'm stuck in a city, but I belong in a field

Back to the Old House (The Smiths) - Cause I never even told you / Oh and I meant to

Promise (Laufey) - And I should get a cigarette / For how much restraint

No Time to Explain (Good Kid) - It's been a while I've been out on my own / I'm in denial about living life alone

SECTION 2 (EDD):

I Guess He'd Rather be in Colorado (John Denver) - I guess he'd rather work / Out where the only thing you earn is what you spend

Give you My Lovin (Mazzy Star) - Cause you see, rain reminds me of you / And everything has turned to you

Hopelessly Devoted to You (Olivia Newton-John) - I know I'm just a fool who's willing / To sit around and wait for you

I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You (Charlie Burg) - And I can hear so clearly all the words I wish I'd said / You're stuck in my head

Mamma Mia (Austin Weber) - Yeah, I've been brokenhearted / Blue since the day we parted / Why why did I ever let you go?

Livin' With a Heartache (The Beach Boys) - I'm no good alone, you know-a everyone sees / That you left me alone with nothin' but a heartache

Oh Love (Delaney Bailey) - And I don't want to turn back time anymore / But I do miss when I thought that I was loved

Duvet (bôa) - But you know that it means so much / And you don't even feel a thing

I want you (Mitski) - We're starting over / And I love you darling

SECTION 3 (GENERAL):

The Less I Know The Better (Tame Impala) - I was doing fine without ya / til I saw your eyes turn away from mine

Pork Soda (Glass Animals) - Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? / How come I see you and ache instead?

Spare Hearts (Exit Mouse) - I know you’re afraid / Of making a big mistake / But you’re just what I need / Spare me the fear

Les maudits mots d'amour (Le rouge et le Noir) - Mais dans l'ivresse de tes bras / Tout le reste vole en éclat, / Vole en éclat.

SECTION 4 (LOW POINT):

If I can't be yours (Loren & Mash) - I realize / We're not the same / And it's making me sad / Cause we can't fulfill our dreams in this life

Memento Mori (Red Vox) - Could it be, the presence of memory / Is all we are, all we'll ever be?

I Know It’s Over (The Smiths) - And it never really began / But in my heart it was so real

Sparks (Coldplay) - My Heart is yours / It's you that I hold on to

Turtles All The Way Down (Sammy Copley)- And I’m aware / That it’s not fair / To bring you here then send you on your way / You had so much to say / And to ask

Door (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME) - If I'm out of line / Just show me the door / I promise you I / Won't come here no more

SECTION 5 (HAPPY ENDING):

Scary Love (The Neighborhood) - No one has ever cared for me / as much a you do

It's Been a Long Long Time (Harry James) - You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you / Or how empty they all seemed without you

Those Eyes (New West) - I close my eyes and all I see is you / And the small things you do

Heart to Heart (Mac Demarco) - To all the days we were together / To all the time we played apart / In each other's lives

Another Believer (Rufus Wainwright) - And give me just one more chance, one more glance

Home (Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros) - Man oh man you're my best friend / I scream it to the nothingness

Genesis (Jourma Kaukonen) - And there I found myself with you / When breathing felt like something new, new / Along with you

[mrbexwrites]

Happy Storyteller Saturday! Which sentence/section are you most proud of how it turned out?

Hey Tash! Thanks so much for the ask! :D

I'm super proud of how the scene (below the cut to save everyone else!) turned out. It takes place in Memento Mori Part III, so I had to wait absolutely ages to get to this scene, but I'm really proud of how it turned out (even in it's first draft state!)

IMHO, it really encapsulates Morgana's character arc; from being someone who didn't even want to help out Olena, to confronting the man who murdered her. It really shows her growing confidence in her own skills, and her drive for justice.

“Hi, Anatoli,” I sat down in front of him, and met his cool, blue gaze. He stared right through me. “We’ve never been properly introduced, although, the last time I saw you, you were trying to gun down several police officers in Glasgow.” 

His eyes flicked to me, and his lips slowly folded into a smile. “Ah...the one person that I’ve killed who won’t stay dead.”

“I’m sorry to let you down, and be an inconvenience to you,” I returned his smile. I pulled the pair of nail clippers from my pocket and sat it on the table between us. 

“You think you scare me, little Lazarus? Is that a threat?” 

“No,” I clasped my hands together and sat them on the table in front of me. “I’m not threatening you. I doubt I could. You don’t appear to be someone who gets frightened at all.”

“You’re right. I’m not. Gregarov was frightened of you. He still cries himself to sleep, locked in his little cell. He begs for forgiveness, haunted by his ghosts” Anatoli leaned over and spat on the floor. If only he knew how right he was. “I’m not weak like him.”

“No, you’re a survivor, right?” 

“Of course,” he shrugged and sat back in his chair, as if we were at a coffee shop enjoying a quick catch up. “Like you. You survived many bullets to the chest, and yet here you are.”

“Here we both are,” I opened my hands so that he could see my palms, my fingers still interlocked. “We’ve both come a long way from Maryhill Police Station.”

“And what made you follow me, little Lazarus? Why  have you crossed the ocean to vex me?”

“I made a promise. To Olena.” 

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” He gave me a blank look. 

“Olena Bogutskaya.”

“No idea. Is she famous? YouTube personality? Influencer? Pop star?”  He let his face slip into a sly smile. “Porn star?” 

“Olena Bogutskaya was the woman you killed and threw away in the canal at Drumchapel.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell. There were so many women in Scotland. They all looked the same.”

“You’d remember Olena. She was special. You strangled her yourself. She wasn’t a suicide victim, or killed by one of your Johns, or someone who overdosed. You killed her yourself. She tried to escape, and she clawed at your face. That little scar on your eyelid,” I pointed to his left eye. “That was a gift from Olena. The police found your DNA under her fingernails, even after almost a week in the canal. Of course, we didn’t know it was yours until you shot up the police station.”

“A lot of bitches like to scratch and bite,” he shrugged again. “There’s nothing that stands out about her.” “I’m sure,” I stopped smiling. “To me, Olena was remarkable. She’s hard to forget. So that’s why I’m here. Over four and a half thousand miles. For her.”

“Look,” Anatoli sat forward, suddenly conspiratorial. “The FBI bitch who arrested me. She thinks she can pin things on me. But she doesn’t know all of my friends in high places. I give her another couple of hours before she discovers that I have diplomatic immunity. ” 

“Oh, she already knows,” I leant in and copied his loud whisper. “The memo came in five minutes after the raid, and it was waiting for Agent Kemper when you got to the station. The Russian Embassy is sending over the Ambassador himself to collect you. They’ll be here in fifteen  minutes.”

“Then why am I still in chains?”

“Because I came all this way, Anatoli!” I sat back and threw my hands out wide. “I wanted to meet you properly.”

“Then you’ve wasted your journey, little Lazarus.You can’t arrest me, and even if you could, I’d just walk free. Like I did in Scotland.” 

“I don’t feel like I’ve wasted anything,” I brought my hands down, and pinned his left hand. Gripping the clippers, I cut off two of his fingernails, and slipped them into an evidence bag. He was so stunned, he didn’t even try to pull his hand back. 

“You can’t prosecute me,” he sneered. “My DNA is useless.” “To the justice system, sure,” I pulled a tissue out of my pocket, and wiped up his gob of spit from the floor. I sealed the evidence bag. “You know, in the olden days, like centuries ago, I think, going all the way back to the Egyptians maybe...but anyway, ancient peoples believed that a person’s essence was kept in their hair and nails. So to have someone’s essence, is to have power over them.” 

I put the evidence bags into my pocket, along with the nail clippers. Anatoli was staring at his hand. 

“Maybe there were more like me, back in those times. So, people were careful with their hair and nails, and teeth too. They knew the power you could have over someone, if you held their essence. For example, you can summon the dead back from their graves. Make sure they never find peace.” 

Anatoli was back to looking through me, and maybe it was my imagination, but he looked paler. 

“When Gregarov screams and begs for forgiveness, it’s not the universe that he’s speaking to, or God. It’s the women that you’ve forgotten...the nameless, disposable ‘bitches’...that have an entire afterlife to spend repaying the torment he gave to them in life.”

I poured myself a glass of water; I’d not spoken this much in a while, and my throat was dry. 

“You were raised in the Orthodox Church, right? So you believe in life after death, heaven, hell. Life is a trial to decide if you get into heaven and all the rewards that await you. But, see, here’s the thing. I’m a necromancer. You’ve seen me come back from the dead. I speak to the Dead, and I can summon them. Some people think I’m the reincarnation of the Queen of the Underworld. The Dead could be pawns for me to play with, if I was that way inclined. And here’s the thing, with your essence, with my little bags,” I patted my pocket. “When your time comes, I won’t let you go to Heaven, or Hell. I can do whatever I want with you.”

His eyes flickered back to me. 

“I can’t do anything to you in the world of the living, but no one lives forever, Anatoli. You’ll have to enter my realm at some point. And I’ll be waiting, along with all the faceless, nameless, disposable ‘cunts’ that you threw in the canal, in the garbage, just used up and discarded when you didn’t want them anymore.”

I stood up and leant over the table to whisper into his ear. 

“You had better hope that you live a long and healthy life, Anatoli. I’ll no doubt be seeing you soon.I might not even have to wait that long.” 

I knocked on the door, and the guard let me out.

[ecargmura]

Ron Kamonohashi: Deranged Detective Episode 9 Review - Case Closed But Mysteries Continue

I got the culprit right! I feel so smart now. Though, I wasn’t 100% accurate. I got that he shot Grizzly and Onodera correctly, but I wasn’t too sure about his motives for killing the latter, but the anime explains it thoroughly and it makes sense why’d he kill her. However, I didn’t expect that there’s a bigger motive for this murder mystery to have happened.

Jumonji, the director, was the most obvious choice for being the culprit because of him being the son of the previous owner. I also figured it out after Toto explained some of the clues. Jumonji didn’t have an umbrella when he ran towards where Grizzly’s corpse was while Donzawa did. I did find that a bit odd at first. Then it all made sense when Toto mentioned requesting Unno to bring in flashlights as if he already knew the lights were out. He’d have a motive to kill someone who’d be snooping around the case; first off, I didn’t expect Onodera to be a crime journalist, but it does make sense since the case from 10 years ago was often talked about. Apparently, because Jumonji didn’t like the fact that she was snooping around, this was the reason why he called upon the help of the M Family, a notorious crime family, and John Grizzly, just so he can help them trap Ron in return for getting rid of Onodera. I always did wonder why Ron went along with Toto to the observatory when the invitation was only for Toto; it was a trap. It sucks that John Grizzly’s death was mainly due to him outliving his usefulness; Grizzly was only hired so that Jumonji could frame Ron for the crime in front of Grizzly so that he can get payment from the M Family for getting rid of Ron. Too bad ,that’s not as simple as it seems. Poor Grizzly.

Everything that transpired after Jumonji’s reveal was pretty crazy. Ron was about to tell him to yeet off, but Toto stopped him, only for the director to take out a cyanide pill and yeet himself. After the police comes in the morning, it turns out that Jumonji WASN’T dead and was faking it, but then he got boom headshotted by the real enemy, the M Family. It turns out that the M Family helped Jumonji in order to instigate something in Ron in exchange for helping the director get rid of Onodera.

It turns out that Ron is, *ahem*, the 6th generation descendant of Sherlock Holmes and the 9th generation of James Moriarty. When I first learned about this, I had two thoughts:

Sherlock Holmes and James Moriarty are real people in this story?

So, is Ron mixed? His last name is Kamonohashi, which is Japanese, but his ancestors are British. This is definitely gonna be on my mind for a while.

The fact that Ron has the blood of both famous figures will either make or break in the future as he feels very OP because of it. Please don’t revert him into a Gary Stu in the future. The M Family was also the ones who framed Ron for the Bloody Training Incident five years ago. That’s definitely a reason to get back at them.

Mylo and Winter seem like very interesting characters. From some research I’ve done, Winter’s gender is ambiguous, so I’ll be using they/them when referring to them to avoid confusion. I have to say, they’re very hot. If I could rank the characters by their attractiveness, Winter would be tied in second place with Spitz. I think the fact that Winter is a master of disguise intrigues me, but also makes me wonder if Winter has observed Ron and Toto’s actions before the observatory case. Winter could’ve been lurking about as an ordinary civilian without their knowledge. That’s scary to think about. Mylo’s design is just a blond Ron with golden eyes and a penchant for white clothing, which makes him the opposite of Ron who mainly has black hair, clothes, and is good. Given that Winter reports to Mylo, he is definitely the superior or the boss of the family, meaning he’s going to be one scary foe to deal with. Having Yumiri Hanamori as Winter and Yoshitsugu Matsuoka as the Moriarty siblings was actually a surprise since they mainly play good guys, and it makes me excited in a way; I can’t wait to see how they’re like as villains.

Other than that, there are cute moments in this episode that I liked. First off, Orihime praising Toto’s work ethic and comparing him to a first-magnitude star was super cute. As a bit of an astronomy fan, first-magnitude stars are the brightest stars in the night sky. Meaning, Orihime thinks he’s very radiant. That’s super adorable and I’d definitely blush if a cute girl praised me like that too. The Ron and Toto moments were adorable too. Ron asking if Toto would stay with him and Toto confidently answering his question by responding that someone would make him a murderer if he’s not there was just so heartwarming. I also squealed. They’re so cute. RonToto moments!!! AHHH!!! Sorry for spazzing out, I ship these two so hard.

Now that the case is closed and the true enemies have revealed themselves, I do wonder what will happen next. Will the Moriarty family reveal themselves to Ron next episode or will that have to wait until later on? To be honest, I’d like Ron and Toto to have a nice respite after the hectic sleuthing they’ve done. They deserve it. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[lesbianyosano]

DROP THE BSD POLITICAL HCS PLS PLS PLS

ok so i dont have them for all the characters but uhhh here's what i got (this got unnecessarily long so im putting this under the cut):

kunikida is a commie for sure, probably an anarchist and the theory reading kind too. he's probably involved with local initiatives and tried to radicalize his coworkers at least once. he got unreasonably exited when kenji joined bc the kid is definitely a commie as well. kenji is still a little young (plus he barely knows how money works) so he's been actively explaining what capitalism is to him

kenji basically lived in a commune all his life and wants everyone to be happy, learning what capitalism is and how it works made him incredibly sad, but he's also really determined and so he's been talking about communism to everyone he meets when running around the city

ranpo is a centrist, thinks people who are legitimately invested in politics are stupid and foolish and always brings up the horseshoe theory, doesn't help that poe is crazy rich and works for capitalism incarnate

dazai, when asked, will claim whatever political ideology he thinks is the funniest in given situation, which in practice means he talks abt being an anarcho capitalist just to piss kunikida off (he's been very succesfull so far, almost convinced atsushi that the whole thing made sense). for real though, he think politics is stupid and doesn't really have that much impact, but he also only thinks of politics as the direct actions of the government, rather than ideas, and he's met enough politicians in his mafia days to consider the whole thing corrupt and not worth his time (also mori used to canonically make his read theory which i think is so so funny)

atsushi was generally cut off from the world for the majority of his life, so he only started getting interested after joining the ada. he likes to talk about it and tries to watch the news and read theory trying to develop an informed outlook. he's very left leaning and partial to communism too (except for that one time dazai almost convinced him anarcho capitalism makes sense. he doesnt like to think about it)

yosano is a marxist feminist, vehemently anti-war, she used to come to feminist reading group at a local uni. her and kunikida talk abt politics a lot in their free time and recommend books and articles to each other. she's been trying to push kyouka and naomi to look into feminism too (succesfully)

chuuya is a libertarian and i refuse to believe otherwise. he really hated rich people when he was still with the sheep but after joining the mafia and spending too much time with mori and kouyou he decided that being rich was fine, actually. also he commits tax evasion bc why not, it's hardly the worst thing he does tbh, free market enthusiast

mori is a classical liberal, also canonically seems to be pretty well versed in economic theory (he mentions henry kissinger, thomas shelling and john forbes nash during the guild arc, funnily enough). his utalitarianism really comes through when he talks about politics, they're very kill or get killed (literally or economically), believes in free market

fukuzawa is kind of weird, he doesn't really subscribe to any ideology specifically. overall he's left leaning socially (all his kids are gay, so is he) but he's never actively questioned how the world works, or looked for an alternative. worth mentioning, he used to be an assasin for the government, and the only reason he stopped was due to personal disguist with how he was starting to enjoy it, he never seemed to wonder who and why is he killing, he just did his job completely uncritically, actively benefiting the state

as ive said before, fukuchi could be a commie if he wanted to, but instead of taking initiative in publicly speaking on the horrors of war and his hatred for national states he decided to become a cop, literally the worst he could have done

ok these are the ones i have like. active thought about, sorry this got so fucking long and i hope it's not unintelligible

[bigassmoth]

my soukaku headcanons:

((n)sfw)

-They dated young and that means their relationship as adults is Incredibly Tainted with Cringe. The reason they find each other so gross? They have to relive all their own embarrassing memories/moments

-Chuuya begrudges his vulnerability and weakness in front of Dazai. All the times he looked stupid, all the times he acted cowardly, all the times he biffed it in front of dazai and in front of his team.

-For Dazai he remembers how he was prior to his 'reformation' and I think he is very bittersweet about that. Thoughts of Chuuya redirect to thoughts of Oda, and what he lost.

-Dazai reminds Chuuya of who he used to be (inexperienced and used as a tool), and Chuuya reminds Dazai of why he left (Oda's wishes, to do good)

-Both of them remember their emo phases and that is a constant source of torture. (that one note in the Black Parade plays and both of them are moving at lightning speed to punch out the radio). To make it worse, they also rib each other about it constantly. "Chuuya used to fry his hair with a flat iron STRAIGHT out of the shower- with wet unwashed hair <3" "I don't want to hear that from the guy who used sharpie as eyeliner"

-you know that john mulaney bit thats like "you cant live if youve seen my penis and met my parents", thats them. they don't want their childhood fling to DIE but it would be great if they were dead.

-Since they were teenagers, angsty violent teenagers, the sex was brutal. Which worked when they were both PM thugs but as adults they have much different paces in bed.

-Chuuya doesn't want to be vulnerable in front of Dazai anymore. Partly because Dazai refuses to be open with him, which means that Chuuya is always in the position of accommodation and never holding power.

-One time they hooked up as young adults after Dazai went to the ADA- it happened in a moment of high-energy and they reverted to old habits. Chuuya woke up to an empty bed.

-The next time they almost-hooked up but Dazai joked about Chuuya being Mori's dog and Chuuya decked Dazai into the wall.

-With time they mellow out a bit but that sexual tension/romance isn't rekindled. There's too much baggage attached to the relationship.

-Also a keen difference in standards- Chuuya is your refined single-wealthy aunt who has a pent-house and a show-winning persian cat and her own row of grapes at an Italian vineyard for custom wine and flies to france for new coats. Dazai lived in a storage container once and could do it again.

-Everything Dazai does pisses Chuuya off

-Everything (except screaming in anger) that Chuuya does pisses Dazai off

-Dazai sees Chuuya naked and gags (exaggerated drama queen)

-Chuuya sees Dazai naked and throws up a little in his mouth (sincere)

[himi-wiz]

Retrieved tags from @itotypes and gosh that's so well put I'm that compelled to write stuff so hi! I love you! (platonically)

I honestly don't have to be a Mori apologist to affirm the idea that it's never purely black and white with any of the organisations shown in BSD.

While overall the cleanest organisation is the Armed Detective Agency, half of them have blood on their hands including the president Fukuzawa himself and quite a few other members show little to no sign of remorse when they put innocent lives at risk if it meant for necessity or for protecting a loved one.

- Kyouka killed for Atsushi when she had to. Granted she's a scared kid that needs help.

- Tanizaki notably has no issue tricking a truck to hurl at John and Lovecraft in order to save his sister.

- Ranpo developed Fyodor's ways and willingly took in the Conjurer's methods himself for the sake of protecting the Agency and he has no issue threatening to expose Mushitarō's author friend's legacy to the public that might defame the late author's dream, a notably cruel thing to do for a member of the Agency that prides itself on using their members' kindness. It's implied if tested enough Ranpo might be willing to make further sacrifices like Fyodor.

- Slight BSD Manga Mersault spoilers:

Dazai happy wanting Fyodor dead or whatever he's daydreaming in the Fyozai smiling manga panel is. (Can't tell with the suicidal idiot whether he's happy he's dying or he's happy he's dragging Fyodor to his death).

The government in BSD has been shown to be capable of corrupted and cruel acts, particularly through Dark Era, Dead Apple and BSD Gaiden's mentions of higher-ups choosing the easiest and unethical routes to eliminate troublesome blemishes.

For the Special Division —

- The setup and cover up of the Arahabaki Incident aftermath whereby the government obtained and sealed the entity 'Arahabaki' in a child through series of experiments so artificial abilities can be created through combining both abilities and otherworldly entities, resulting in a giant crater from the mess where slums were formed in Suribachi City.

- releasing Shibuzawa during the Dragon Head's Conflict,

- having the Port Mafia deal with Mimic in Dark Era instead of resolving the terrorist group themselves

Other Governmental Agencies and Militaries (Includes other countries)

- The existence of the Seventh Agency, a criminal organisation created by the government to hide scandals, political crimes cover-ups, illegal tactics that regular government workers would not normally comprise, is extremely questionable.

- Whatever the hell is the Great War. Haha. Hahaha. Also Mori please sit the fuck down you're the worst. Yes, your plan on Tokoyami Island is effective and reduces casualties yes but that's so damn stupid and you ruined a perfectly lovely kind girl.

- A lab in Germany was researching Abilities and attempted to create a Singularity without multiple ability users. The project entailed the creation of man-made Ability users, artificial humans implanted with Abilities resulting in them being able to manipulate gravity. France used it to create an artificial human known as Paul Verlaine while Japan has an abducted Nakahara Chuuya (see Arahabaki Incident) and well, we know how that turned out.

- (BSD) Japan's Ministry of Japan is a doozy. In canon we have Tonan Tanzou debuting in S4 Hunting Dogs who harbors a deep hatred towards Yukichi Fukuzawa for assassinating his father and other war hawks who supported the continuation of war during the end of the Great War.

By extension, the Armed Detective Agency is targeted and dude is so willing to resort to any means getting his vengeance(!!!) that he's been gathering evidence to expose the detectives past crimes and humiliate them after the whole sacred ceremony thing.

- In Gaiden, Sakashita is a deputy director or the Ministry of Justice who's capable of using other people just to kill his rivals - just to achieve what he want.

Also look at his ugly mug.

- [BSD S5 Spoilers below (Mostly EP 3 and vague manga ones)]

In Season 5, Fukuchi turns out to be Kamui, the mastermind behind the Decay of Angels while simultaneously being the the greatest military hero. He later revealed to have went through so much torture "from the torturers' side" he was compelled to rid the world of the 'angels' aka the politicians. God damn sir. Why.

But that's how you do know the politicians are kinda shit huh.

Though they aren't shown to be all bad, merely human like with that one politician guy who expresses admiration for Fukuchi and looked to him as a hero bitterly telling him he needed to get rid of his figurines now and Fukuchi apologising. I can't remember if that's spoilers or not, help.

Chief Taneda is quoted by Ango to follow an utilitarianism ethic preferring to sacrifice a single life for the peace of thousands lives and has likely been one of the superiors involved in releasing Shibuzawa during the Dragon's Head Conflict and agreeing to giving a Special Ability licence to the Port Mafia, both decisions that result in lives lost for the sake of peace for the general public and against the Law.

But when this sacrifice includes his own, it's then complicated deciding whether his legacy is "Good" or "Bad" but at the very least it's respected by Ango enough for him to step up and vow vengeance for Taneda.

Everytime someone brings up how Chuuya is a bad person cause he stayed with the PM while others left always makes me wonder if they forget that others left because they had someone guide them or some opportunity to leave.

For Kyouka it was Atsushi, for Dazai it was Oda, for Yosano it was Ranpo and Fukuzawa's support. Koyou tried and had her chance taken away from her that left her bitter and terrified of leaving or letting others leave, Chuuya's chance more or less died with Murase. Like bro...even Mori took over out of necessity cause he had to uphold the tripartite system and the old boss was destroying not just the mafia but the city itself. (Reminder the mafia protects the city where the law and the ADA cannot, the Mafia can cross lines that neither of the other two can to protect the city).

Everyone in the light is there because someone or something guided them there and literally no one feels superior to the other for their morality and virtue. I see people constantly present Kunikida as this pretentious morally superior guy but he isn't, he'd kick morals to the curb if he felt that was the right thing to do.

Everyone in bsd functions on a very personalized set of morals. They exist in shades of gray and anyone leaning too far towards right or wrong is often portrayed as an extremist and an antagonist.

[codswalloping]

Tagged by @gritkitty. Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line (or three), and share it! then tag 10 people. 

My takeaway from this exercise is that I write a fuckton of h/c and a fuckton of dialogue, but it’s fun to write bantery h/c, dammit!

Tagging @angryonabus @chocolatepot @cinnaluminum @clarasteam @glassmirrormask @leupagus @likerealpeopledo-on-ao3 @missgeevious @newnewyorker93 @whetherwoman and anyone else who wants to play!

Cabin Pressure, “Contents May Have Shifted”

There was a very squashed moment or two of silence.

"Arthur," Martin said. "Why have you stuffed me into the locker?"

Doctor Who, “Afterburn”

Jack laughed. "Hello yourself," he managed, and then he couldn't help it, he ran at the Doctor and swept him up in a violent, crushing hug, his Doctor after all this time, all this time, all this time.

Generation Kill, “Feel Like I’m Fixin to Die”

“Hey, I’ve had plenty of visions that don’t involve my own dick,” Ray says. “I’m having one right now about Sixta’s dick, plowing you hard up the ass, and you are loving it, too.” He throws a leg over Espera’s and starts humping him. “Comply with this grooming standard, bitch.”

John Finnemore’s Double Acts, “A Friend in Need”

“Oh, no,” said Bunning, shocked into sincerity. “My dear fellow. You mustn’t think I minded that. I’m a poor enough nursemaid, but even so. Glad to help out. Really I am.” He’d felt, in fact, an aching tenderness toward Søndergaard in his vulnerability—he felt it still, a knot of swelling tension in his chest that didn’t seem to belong anywhere but that he didn’t know how to put down. It would wear off, he supposed, in time.

Life on Mars, “Shot”

He couldn't unsee it, try as he might: the way Sam's face at rest had looked almost pretty, the smoothness of his skin laid out over hard muscle and bone. How could you see something like that and not want to touch it? He'd wanted to curl himself around the damaged body of Sam Tyler, like a hard shell over something soft.

Love and Rockets, “Hopeless”

Every now and then, though, not always, there’s a way Maggie has of making her feel all liquidy and achy-tender at the core. There’s no telling what might set it off: the sound of her laugh, or the way she sticks her tongue out a little when she’s working with her hands, fixing something, or the stupid open trusting expression on her face when she looks up at Hopey all of a sudden. It makes Hopey want to grab her hand and just run somewhere with her, anywhere, everywhere.

Our Flag Means Death, “Happily Ever After”

“Black Beard,” said Stede, thoughtfully. “No, I’ve not heard of him. Fierce fellow?”

“Really desperate character, yeah,” said Lucius. “Such an asshole. Throw you overboard soon as look at you, for no reason whatsoever.”

“And he’ll never quit paying for it, will he,” Ed muttered. “God help the poor soul.”

Schitt’s Creek, “Strange Brew”

“But you’re really hot,” David said, surprised. “You wouldn’t want to fuck yourself? I’d totally fuck me if I weren’t me.”

“Uh huh,” Patrick said, in an and there you go tone of voice.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street, “Fetish” [NB the tentacles in question are NOT KATSU’S I would never]

It felt like being gently and cleverly rearranged at the circuit level, as if he were one of Mori’s creations, responding helplessly to the watchmaker’s intimate manipulations. The tentacles pulsed, thickened and thinned, curled and twisted and delved; there were so many of them now, so relentless, so deep— Thaniel sobbed out a cry of wordless ecstasy, and shook, and shook, and shook.

What We Do in the Shadows (2014), “Thirst Aid”

Not that he wanted a relationship with a werewolf. Not even a very kind and funny one with freckled eyelids and warm, strong arms and the most enticing little dimple when he smiled. Yuck. Disgusting.

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Okay bc this has been a thought in my brain for a while, twofs/tlfop characters and their music tastes:

Thaniel: anything and everything. This man’s playlists are disgusting. I’ve never met a good musician who didn’t have the most buck wild taste in music and I refuse to believe it’s any different for him. Shit goes from Ice Nine Kills to Megan Thee Stallion to Tchaikovsky to the Big Time Rush soundtrack, it’s a mess. Though I firmly believe his favourite artists are like Elton John and David Bowie and all them.

Mori: he gives me Måneskin vibes for absolutely no reason, but also he seems like the kind of person who would pretend to have a very sophisticated and high-brow taste in music when really he’s in the top 0.05% of Nicki Minaj’s listeners on Spotify. Can’t blame him tho shit smacks-

Grace: fuckin indie hipster bullshit, and she’s very annoying about it. “Oh idk if you’d like this, it’s very underground *plays Sweater Weather*”. That kind of shit.

Matsumoto: he listens to whatever’s popular when he’s around people, but this man fucking l o v e s musicals and listens to them constantly in his free time. He’s gone to auditions for shows he likes without rehearsing in the slightest and has gotten callbacks because he knows the songs that well.

Six: I’ve said this before but I really feel like she’d like metal and rock songs. Like just picture this small, sweet looking kid with lil purple cat ear headphones listening to Rob Zombie on the highest volume while making naval weapons. Truly her father’s daughter.

Takiko: she also listens to indie music but she’s cool enough to get away with it and isn’t annoying about it. If you ask her for music recommendations she’ll actually give you music you’ll like instead of just forcing you to listen to the stereotypical indie songs everyone knows. Actually does know cool underground artists and brings people to their shows and it’s always a blast.

Midori: …girl in red-

Vaulker: his playlists are full of the stereotypical Masculine™️ bands and artists like Van Halen, Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, yknow the kinds of bands/artists who base their entire aesthetic off the queer community’s popular aesthetic of the 60s and 70s but nooo of course it isn’t gay what are you talking about-

Kuroda: he listens to podcasts. Not just any podcasts tho, centrist political podcasts. And he calls in daily.

Fanshaw: if you had a computer that generates playlists for people and you typed the word “gay” into it, Fanshaw’s playlist is what you would get.

Pringle: definitely listens to Yung Gravy, Toji, and any artist that has a “I <3 Milfs/Dilfs” vibe (but all his playlists kinda smack — nobody wants to give him the satisfaction of telling him tho)

Tanaka: like Thaniel he also has a very diverse music taste, but he uses it for evil. And by evil I mean he’ll figure out what kind of music just gets under your skin like no other and blasts it whenever you’re around. This man can stand in a room with the most god awful music blaring at the highest volume and he’ll start headbanging.

Choshu: exclusively listens to classical music and jazz and stuff like that, the kind of music you’d expect a person with a high quality leather arm chair and fancy whiskey decanter set to listen to.

[pokelec]

A Dead By Daylight Novice Reviews All the Killers' Trailers (and makes suggestions for what they'd change)

Reveal trailers are paramount for an audience's first look at new characters. First impressions are everything, so your trailer for your shiny new character needs to be perfect for what's in store for the video game! I started playing DBD a month-ish ago but watched all the trailers for the killers before I started playing, and watching some of them got me to thinking about how I would have changes some of the trailers. Some require no changes, while others I think need an overhaul.

Disclaimer: This is in my personal opinion, is not objective at all, and I'm only doing this because this is something I've been thinking about for a month and need some sort of release or else my brain will implode.

Under a read more bc this gets long.

The Trapper - The first trailer! For a first trailer, I think this one is pretty spot on. It follows a lot of beats of slasher movies, in terms of following a survivor that's gonna be killed, her encountering dead bodies, and the suspense of the killer looking for her. Considering Dead by Daylight is effectively a playable horror movie, I think this is a perfect intro to the game. As for what this means for the Trapper, aka our Jason substitute, I think it showed him off alright! We saw his bear traps and got a good look at him doing this thing. Pretty good, all things considered!

The Wraith - The Wraith, Hillbilly, and Nurse all features gameplay as the means of showing off what the killers can do. The Wraith's isn't too bad, since it does show off his Wailing Bell power enough for people to understand "This is a killer that can turn invisible, and you may not know he's right next to you until it's too late". I wish it has a more cinematic style, but I'll be forgiving here because DBD was still young when this was made. I also thing it showed the new map, Autohaven, pretty well. I'm not too big of a fan of ending the trailer with his mori, but that could be because I don't find his mori exciting.

The Hillbilly - Next is our Leatherface expy! This one feels shorter, still using gameplay to introduce our new killer but at least shows off his chainsaw wielding and hints at the map associated with him. I like the shot of him revving his chainsaw underneath the tree with the animal carcasses! I don't mind the ending with his mori here because even if it's off screen, getting cut with a chainsaw is brutal enough to leave a lasting impression. Again, I wish it had the cinematic style, but it's fine.

The Nurse - I think the Nurse's trailer is the weakest of the three gameplay-focused trailers. The text intro is... fine, but I honestly think it fits the Doctor more. It does an okay job of showing us her Blinking mechanics, but it also doesn't? Like we see her teleporting to Nea, but it feels lackluster. I do like the ending shot of dead Nea as the Nurse just blinks away. I'm not quite sure how to change this trailer to be more effective in my opinion, if I'm being honest.

The Shape/Michael Myers - Our first franchise killer, and a perfect trailer. The first second in, we hear John Carpenter's legendary Halloween score. Even non-horror fans will quickly pick up which killer this is. The suspense of Laurie see Michael, Michael coming up the stairs, and especially the shot of Laurie and Michael being on opposite sides of a door is *chef's kiss*. We see enough of the Shape to be satisfied and eager for his release. It's the perfect trailer for him AND Laurie imo.

The Huntress - Ah, the Huntress. She is my favorite killer to play as, and I probably have the majority of my playtime on her. Unfortunately, I think her trailer leaves a lot to be desired. It's the start of the 'let's look at the killer from different angles, have them turn around to the camera, and then attack the viewer' trend of DBD trailers. I call for a complete rewrite! Here's what I would have done:

The map is Mother's Dwelling. Two survivors (David aaaand idk Dwight?) are running and hides behind some trees. We hear the Huntress's lullaby get louder, and we see the bottom half of her and her axe as she walks past the survivors. The lullaby gets quieter, and the survivors take a sigh of relief. Then, a hatchet is thrown and lodged into Dwight's head! David screams and runs. We then see our full look at the Huntress as she picks up the body. Her signature lullaby continues as the trailer ends.

The Hag - The Hag's trailer also follows a similar formula to the Huntress' trailer. There is an animation bump, so we get to see the Hag's emaciated appearance in full detail. I'm not too mad about that, since the Hag's appearance is unsettling enough to cause viewer distress and curiosity more than the Huntress' would. However, because this is a DBD original killer, we need to see what her deal is with her trailer. Thus, I propose this:

On the swamp, Ace is repairing a generator but hears another survivor (Dwight?) get hooked. Ace goes to rescue him, but we see as he steps on a rune in front of the poor survivor. The illusion of the Hag pops up, jumpscaring poor Ace (and the audience) but disappears. Ace then rescues Dwight for real, but Dwight quickly runs away. Why? Because the real Hag is behind Ace and lunges at him, biting his neck. Trailer ends.

The Doctor - I now realize that my taste in writing DBD trailers is 'have the survivor do a thing, they think the killer is near, they then relax, and only then are they attacked by the killer'. It's a bit stereotypical, but again, we're dealing with a game centered on the horror genre, so that's why I'm okay with it.

I mention this because that's effectively the story beats the the Doctor's trailer follows. Instead of attacking Feng, however, the Doctor just looks at her run and stares menacingly. Even though we don't see the Doctor's shock therapy powers here, I think the long look at the killer is still effective because of his design. A first reaction I (and other reactors) experienced went from the initial "OMG the killer is here, run girl!" to "Why tf are his own eyes and mouth held open like that A Clockwork Orange scene?!". We also don't linger for too long on him either, so I think this trailer works well enough.

The Cannibal/Leatherface - Another franchise killer, this time good ol Leatherface! This trailer is a little different, using text to draw up suspense. I do like the reveal of "What is his mask made of? YOU.", but I would've loved to have seen some actual Cannibal action, or at least his in-game model doing his Texas chainsaw massacring thing.

The Nightmare/Freddy Kruger - Oh, c'mon, we got one of the most well known characters in horror in this little video game, and all we get for his trailer is some scratch marks and a 'killer does nothing but stand there menacingly and attack the camera' trailer?! I do like the detail that when we see him, it's DBD's version of the dream world, but we could've at least featured a survivor falling asleep and then seeing him for themselves.

(Also kinda sad it's the reboot version of Freddy instead of the Wes Craven version and the survivor is Quentin instead of Nancy Freaking Thompson, but I guess we should be happy he's in the game at all)

The Pig - Largely, I think this trailer is pretty good. I'm not too big of a fan of Amanda just standing there menacingly near Dwight, but I do like everything else. I especially love the security camera shot of the famous Saw bathroom and the cutaway when Dwight's reverse bear trap activates (but we still see a good bit of gore!). It feels very Saw-like.

The Clown - This trailer is pretty good! Even though we don't see the Clown in much action, we get a lot of visual storytelling with the bottles, the circus, and the ring of fingers, all leading up to the reveal of his face. The diagetic music from Kate is a nice touch, too.

The Spirit - This one is alright. There is a lot of focus on Adam, but it does build up tension to when the Spirit reveals herself. My biggest problem with it is the ending card that is used for her. Yes, I know that's traditional for the end of these trailers, but her pose and expression is kinda meh after the face she makes when she's about to attack Adam. Seriously, that couple of seconds haunts me (sorry) otherwise.

The Legion - My other favorite killer to play! It's so funny how I didn't like Legion when I first heard of them but now they're my favorites. I love how the trailer emphasizes that the new killer(s) looks similar to survivors and the brutality of when Frank reveals himself and stabs Jeff. However, the trailer does a disservice to the other members of the Legion. C'mon, that's their whole shtick!

My recommendation would be to end with a shot of Julie, Joey, and Suzie joining Frank (and obviously getting a good look at them) and surrounding Jeff right before they all stab him. This is a little disingenuous since you can't play as all four of them at once (unless you count that one Blighted skin...), but you also can't disguise yourself as a survivor, so... Yeah. They are The Legion! They act as one! Treat them as such in their trailer, dammit!

The Plague - The Plague's trailer is interesting. Even though we don't see her in action, I think it's fine because seeing her puke on people during her trailer might be a bit off-putting. Just a bit. We still get some storytelling with her whispered prayers, the candles and incense thingy, and, of course, her face. I think because the Plague's design is inherently unique among all the killers so far, she can get away with the 'let's just tease the audience by looking at the killer and nothing else' trend.

The Ghost Face - Not too much I can complain about with this one. I do like the wtf factor of 'wait, why is a DBD trailer at a modern day warehouse???', especially if you're watching a trailer playlist like I first did. It all makes sense when you learn it's Ghost Face, though! Also, justice for that poor cashier.

The Demogorgon - RIP Stranger Things DLC. I don't watch this series, but I really like the Hawkins Lab map and I'm going to be sad when it's gone. :(

I love this trailer! When I hear the Stranger Things music, it actually gives me chills. I'm legitimately so sad the DLC will be gone from the stores, but I do own them myself. I need to actually sit down and play Demo, Steve, and Nancy one of these days. Why am I crying? No, I'm not kidding, why is this trailer making me cry? Renew the contract, Netflix, please! I don't want this stuff to disappear forever!

(Is it weird that I've been nagged on for years to watch Stranger Things but it's Dead By Daylight that's actually convincing me to watch it?)

The Oni - This is an interesting case. The "main" theme of this trailer is the contrast of modern day Japan's Yui and her motorcycle vs the literal ancient samurai Oni. I think it works out, and again, I think the presentation makes up for us not seeing too much of the new killer.

The Deathslinger - Oh boy, do I love my cowboys! This trailer is nearly perfect. We establish the western setting quickly over the sounds of some poor bastard in pain. The reeling in of the chains and the closeup of The Redeemer is so great. My biggest complaint with this trailer is that we linger a bit too long on the Deathslinger's face at the end. Yeah, he's creepy with his eyes and his disjointed jaw, but you can only look at a horror for so long before you want to move on.

The Executioner/Pyramid Head - I like this trailer! I haven't played Silent Hills, but I'm at least somewhat familiar with the premise and Pyramid Head. I love the shot of him passing the classroom door window and the sword cutting a rift through the ground. Yeah, my lack of SH knowledge makes me unable to recommend any changes here.

The Blight - I have no changes to suggest. The Blight's transformation is super horrific, reminding me of the typical depiction of Jekyll and Hyde. Honestly, he is so much more terrifying in his trailer and in lore than in gameplay.

The Twins - No changes needed. BHVR is really starting to hit their stride with these trailers! Seeing Victor come out of Charlotte's body is amazing.

The Trickster - We depart from all of the other trailers by using an K-POP music video style. It does a good job at referencing some of his story beats (namely torturing/killing people, recording their screams, and using them in his music), but it doesn't really make me afraid of the Trickster. Sure, it fits with his theme, but I would have preferred seeing more of him, y'know, instead of just looking pretty and making faces? I still wouldn't change the art style of the trailer, though. It's fitting enough for him and a breath of fresh air from the doom and gloom.

The Nemesis - No change needed, mostly because I'm not too familiar with the Resident Evil series, but seeing Jill, the twink Leon, and Nemesis on-screen is a very cool moment. Also can we get an F in chat for Meg?

The Cenobite/Pinhead - This is a perfect trailer. We got the Lament Configuration, we got the chains pinning up Dwight, we got Pinhead himself! What more can I ask for?

If you actually made it this far, thank for reading? I don't think I really contribute anything to the fandom with this analysis, but DBD has been living rent free in my brain for the past month, so I may as well write something, eh?

[jbwashere]

hmmm, Mori and John I imagine don’t talk much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t close. They don’t talk because I think they’d enjoy some silence as compared to the usual panic that happens in the hideout…though, I’d say Mori is usually the one to try and say something.

Before Jack had been taken, I feel like it the hideout was a lot more..entertained. Yeah that’s a good word for it, since Jack was always there helping people and cheering others up, their focus would be on him rather than the constant dread. This goes for both Mori and John as well. With Jack there; the three of them would talk often, they’d all try to cheer each other up one way or another (even though John doesn’t seem to really know how to-)

but after Jack got taken…it’s just been quiet. John and Mori are still really close…they just don’t have anything to say anymore. They’re dynamic to me would be man already broken (John) and man who doesn’t want to break (Mori- or at least this version of him)

without Jack, they don’t know how to deal with the survivors. They can help each other, but the other survivors panic very often…and some people get lost in the woods. Jack knew how to keep people from losing it, and John and Mori can try their best..but they don’t know how to do it like Jack did.

they’re both trying so hard, Mori has made it his job to defend the survivors while John has made it his job to find a way to bring everyone back to normal. Mori feels like John is going to try leaving and finding more evidence, but he doesn’t want John to go. Not after just losing Jack.

this was kinda a ramble, but yea 👍

I was doing something when this was sent- THEY'RE DOING THE BEST THAT THEY CAN 😭 also, don't worry about rambling in my ask box, I literally need that rn. RAMBLE AWAY^^/gen Dude, I can just imagine when they lost Jack, Mori's mental well-being completely dipped and the survivors knew shit just got real. On another note, Mori is clinging onto that old man no matter what. He ain't losing another partner anytime soon and he won't now. They both talk to each other before leaving the hideout, saying stuff like- "Stay safe" or "I love you, cya later" without knowing if the other will be coming back.

[a-lesbian-of-ice-and-fire]

Spotlight on Transi Tombs, Medieval Memento Mori

*CW Death and Grief, obviously, Real-World Religion, Artistic Representations of Death and of Bugs, Worms, and Frogs

Because I have officially shown images of these on my page now I thought I would make a little blurb about one of my favourite Medieval Monuments, Transi Tombs. Do they appear in ASOIAF? Absolutely not, though they should have because they are both relevant to the themes of the books and badass, how are these not what the Crypt at Winterfell contains. Still, I felt like images of them were thematically appropriate for inclusion in a post references the story of Viserra Targaryen, a promising young person who died before her time. Onto the real history bit!

A Transi Tomb is a tomb or coffin that depicts a “Transi,” which is just a polite scholarly way of saying a rotting skeleton. They’re a type of Memento Mori (artistic reminder of death) Monument, also called a Cadaver Monument, that appears in the Late Middle Ages or approximately 1250-1500 CE (that is, just before the Renaissance). At the time they appeared, Europe was facing war, cyclical famine, and a plague that may have wiped out as much as a third of the population of some regions, death was on everyone’s mind. I think Transi Tombs are hauntingly beautiful and maybe you will too. 

Here is one:

Unknown (to me, some tourist took this).

The tombs, in their day were a reminder that everything in life is transient, a reminder of ones own mortality and the questions that poses. Often they were meant to remind a Medieval Christian that they should maybe think about squaring things with G-d, and make sure they were going to be levelling up when they died. They’re all the more beautiful today, worn by time and crumbling further, a reminder of how long someone once alive has been absent.

Sometimes, the effigy might also have included carvings of creepy critters like worms or bugs or frogs that might feed on the flesh of a decaying corpse as well. Get ready:

Tomb of Francois I de la Sarra, at the Chapel at La Sarraz

See? That’s not so bad! Yes, those are worms, yes I know they are huge, and yes those are frogs eating that young man’s genitals.

Just to prove that us historians aren’t as boring or humourless as we seem, some Transi Tombs are called “double decker,” because they include double decker bus style depictions that juxtapose the person as they looked in life with a projection of what they might look like now that they’re dead. Here we go again:

John Fitzalan, 7th Earl of Arundel, at Arundel Chapel.

Worst bunkbed ever, but still incredibly beautiful!

Here’s another one:

Alice Chaucer (yes, that Chaucer), Duchess of Suffolk, at St Mary's Church, Ewelme.

Here’s one in a book:

It’s double decker AND has bugs and worms, lucky you. In case you were wondering the caption includes something that roughly translates to “Check out my figure!” and I have a feeling she doesn’t mean the top one!

These tombs were all the rage for while- everything is transient woooOOOOooo- and I just think they are the bees knees. 

Finally, I think, because I’m in charge here, we will end with this incredibly stunning memorial:

René of Chalon, Prince of Orange, St. Etienne in Bar-le-Duc

I used a picture of his ribcage in my Viserra Targaryen aesthetic post, he's holding his own heart aloft.

“Such as I was you are, and such as I am you will be. Wealth, honour and power are of no value at the hour of your death.” -From the Medieval poem “The Three Living and The Three Dead”

[therealsaintscully]

Mary and butterflies - the inevitability of death, murderous calling cards and collectors

Some ramblings with links to other people’s excellent meta, in which I suggest that butterflies (and/or moths) symbolize Mary as Moriarty’s reincarnation and or calling card, while also hint at her inevitable death.

Disclaimers: credits are below the cut. I’m not an expert in any of these topics. Thank you, @thewatsonbeekeepers​​ for the beta. In this post I’ll be using moths and butterflies interchangeably, apologies to any entomologists.

Mary’s appearance in the show brings with it new imagery we haven’t seen prior to The Empty Hearse - butterflies. Once Mary’s in the picture, there are butterflies in some very strategic locations, all are either visually or subtextually leading to her. The show has done that previous to season 3; Moriarty is connected to some well established symbols like magpies, apples and IOUs. 

When I first started reading meta I used to think these themes were a bit of a stretch, but I’ve since accepted  that this is a show that puts barely noticeable phoenixes in a restaurant scene that shows us Sherlock rising from his death.

Here are some of the butterflies I spotted so far:

Butterflies (and in the case of this piece of meta, moth) symbolize most commonly resurrection, change and renewal. Behind the symbolism stands the transformation of a small, ungainly creature into something full-grown and unbound. In that case, in the simplest way, one could argue that butterflies were chosen to symbolize her because the ‘Mary Morstan’ persona was a stillborn’s identity that was stolen and used ‘reborn’ to create a new person.

But more than this simplistic idea; butterflies carry multiple symbolisms. When it comes to Sherlock, I and many others tend to look at Victorian symbolism, considering the detective’s Victorian roots. 

I find the appearance of butterflies interesting in Mary’s context, much like I find the skull interesting in Sherlock’s. The skulls, in Sherlock’s case, serve plenty of purposes, but one of them is the idea of memento mori.

Memento mori (Latin for 'remember that you [have to] die') is an artistic or symbolic reminder of the inevitability of death. These are representations that can appear in any form of art such as paintings, literature, poetry etc. It’s a concept that existed in many ancient cultures but is also deeply rooted in early Christianity. It serves to remind people of the inevitable; that even if we choose to ignore it, not think about it, it’s always there lurking, and the purpose is not to scare us but to encourage us to make good use of our time when we’re alive. Memento mori was the philosophy of reflecting on your own death as a form of spiritual improvement, and rejecting earthly vanities.

Victorians were obsessed with the concept (weren’t Victorians obsessed with everything?). They would take photographs of the dead and keep locks of hair of those who died in mourning brooches. It is said that they found these practices comforting. 

Another expression of the ‘remember that you must die’ concept was vanitas art;  vanitas is a symbolic work of art showing the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. The Latin noun vanitas (from the Latin adjective vanus 'empty') means 'emptiness', 'futility', or 'worthlessness', the traditional Christian view being that earthly goods and pursuits are transient and worthless. It alludes to Ecclesiastes 1:2; 12:8, where vanitas translates the Hebrew word hevel (הבל), which also includes the concept of transitoriness. 

This concept reminds me, most especially, of the skull used in The Abominable Bride, which is actually Charles Allen Gilbert's 'All is Vanity' Illusion art.

Back to butterflies - butterflies are a staple component of vanitas art - paintings executed in the vanitas style were meant to remind viewers of the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. They also provided a moral justification for painting attractive objects - in a way, it’s a justification for the vanity, or the human need of enjoyment of beautiful things.  Below is a vanitas by Jan Sanders van Hemessen:

But butterflies are also considered an omen of death: 

“Butterflies and moths were associated with death, sometimes merely as omens, sometimes as the soul or ghost.” These butterfly omens came in many ways.  For example, in the nineteenth century United States, some people thought that a trio of butterflies was an omen of death.” [x]

Oh.

But I also think there’s more to the butterfly symbolism than Mary’s imminent death; I suggest that, in keeping with @loudest-subtext-in-tv​ M-Theory (suggesting that Mary was planted in John’s life by Moriarty), they symbolize Mary as Moriarty reincarnated following his death in TRF. That Moriarty had indeed not disappointed Sherlock - there was a posthumous game after all! That Sherlock was supposed to understand that while one form of Moriarty died on that roof, another had emerged, continuing the mission of burning Sherlock’s heart. Mary is Moriarty’s calling card, left behind in the crime scene. They’re different, but not separate, which is why Sherlock is so obsessed with Moriarty between HLV-T6T; he’s both wrong and correct at the same time.

So far, what I’ve suggested is that in Sherlock, skulls are Sherlock’s symbolic memento mori - the skulls are associated with Sherlock in some very significant ways. 

However, Mary’s character was doomed from the start - she dies during Sherlock’s hiatus in ACD canon. I believe many fans assumed Sherlock’s Mary expected the same fate when she was introduced to the show. Although the story of Samarra is told by Sherlock, who expects his own death in T6T, Mary is the one who ends up dying. 

Butterflies in ACD canon

Searching for the significance of butterflies in the ACD and BBC canon led me to a number of interesting directions in meta written by others. 

The first and probably the best place to start is this meta post by @tendergingergirl​​, which I strongly suggest you read in full: Butterflies, Sexual Deviancy & The Bloodline Theory in The Hound of The Baskervilles. 

Stapleton also has a hobby. He collects bugs…Butterflies, to be exact. This can often be seen as purely academic, but depending on the actions of the hobbyist, they can indicate more disturbing things. That of holding something vulnerable captive, treating it as your hostage, pinning it down. The torture of animals has come to be a good indicator of someone who would do this to a human. He had already shown callousness by laughing as he recounts to Holmes of ponies wandering onto the Moor, becoming trapped, and dying. In 1974, there was a release of a new edition of Sherlock Holmes stories, with the forward of The Hound of The Baskervilles written by British author, John Fowles. He is responsible for several well-known works, including The French Lieutenant’s Wife. Another, was a novel that Mason finds himself wondering why Fowles doesn’t mention in his introduction, since the villain is such a close parallel to Stapleton.(but as we have learned through the study of ACD, most writers will not come right out and say where they got their inspiration. They like for you to guess!)

A lonely young man, works as a clerk, and collects butterflies, becomes obsessed with a pretty young girl, Miranda, an art student. He chloroforms, and kidnaps her, taking her to his cellar basement, to add Miranda to his collection. That book was called The Collector. But what else does it sound like?

“So yes, I googled. From an article on the release of the movie’s Documentary. "The docu proves a poor reference point for anyone who wants to understand the literary and movie links for “Lambs.” There’s no mention, for example, of how Harris partly based the butterfly-loving Bill on John Fowles’ kidnapper in “The Collector” …And here I thought Mofftiss added allusions to Silence of The Lambs into Sherlock just for fun. SMH.”

@tendergingergirl​ also added this photo to their post:

So what we have here is a chain of metatextualities/inspiration, starting with ACD’s THOB, where Jack Stapelton inspires a book about a disturbed butterfly collector (The Collector by John Fowles), which inspires a the author of Silence of the Lambs in creation of his character Buffalo Bill, a serial murderer who inserts a death's head moth into the victim's throat because he is fascinated by the insect's metamorphosis. Silence of the Lambs served as inspiration for Sherlock  as analyzed by @garkgatiss​ in Bond, Hannibal, and Holmes (I suggest you read the whole Hannibal section) . 

Let’s look again at some imagery from His Last Vow. Mary shoots Sherlock’s heart, essentially burning his heart out, and who does Sherlock meet in his Mind Palace in a very cocoon-like straightjacket? Yes, the dead dude who encourages him to die already (“one more push, and off you pop”).

What’s the next thing we as an audience see once Sherlock opens his eyes? Mary coming to the hospital to hear that Sherlock had, in fact, survived. And what is she wearing? Her butterfly scarf, one which will another appearance later in the episode, during the tarmac scene.

I also find it interesting that in the context of Sherlock and Silence of the Lamb, there’s an element of gender-switching between Moriarty and Mary. Buffalo Bill, the murderer from Silence of the Lambs, skins bodies of women to create himself a woman’s 'suit’; in Sherlock, Moriarty is a man-villain who transforms into a female-villain in the form of a bride and/or Mary. 

By the way, who else is obsessed with his suits?

Also, let’s not forget the worms, maggots and other such crawlers in the grave scene:

Now, let’s go over some of the photos I included in the beginning of this post a bit further.

Mrs. Hudson’s butterfly tea set is first shown in TEH - she uses it to serve John tea when he comes visiting her and tellis her about Mary. We also see it near John’s chair on the day of the wedding. This isn’t Sherlock’s set - his set is different, featuring the British Isles. Moriarty drinks from it in TRF. The next tea set we see, now that Moriarty is dead, is the butterflies one. In TLD, Mrs. Hudson uses Sherlock’s tea set - the butterflies are gone.

Mary’s bedroom wallpaper is very feminine, with flowers and butterflies, both complementing symbols while also very common in vanitas art. Much like Mrs. Hudson’s wallpaper in Baker Street, Mary’s wallpaper is supposed to show the contrast between Mary’s flat/Mary and Sherlock’s flat/Sherlock.

There’s an interesting moth reference in The Empty Hearse, which in my opinion, is Mary & Moriarty related. In short, in a previous piece of meta I wrote, I suggested that the Jack the Ripper case in TEH is subtext alluding to Mary’s skeletons, which Sherlock ignores because he’s upset by his reception by John. And what’s one of the first things Sherlock notices about the skeleton? New mothballs smell, hinting at an attempt to get rid of moth/butterflies - maybe a hint to  the fact that Sherlock has a chance to discover the truth about Mary but misses it. Also, in the context of Mary and the Jack the Ripper case, notice this transition:

Transitions are important on Sherlock - they’re nearly always there to draw our attention.

This, I think, is perhaps the most telling about a possible connection between Mary and Moriarty: we have both magpies (a Moriarty hint) and butterflies together here. This isn’t the only hint of Mary’s past we get in the wedding; there is, after all, the telegram from CAM.

Mary’s scarf is colorful, and it appears by the time Sherlock’s subconscious suspects Mary. Mary’s black butterfly dress - an ominous dress, I’d say - is the one she wears during the labour scene in the car. The third photo is a behind the scenes photo uploaded by Amanda Abbington, although I’m unsure whether this necklace is AA’s or Mary’s (but I couldn’t pass on including this).

Interestingly, the butterflies do not appear in Rosie’s context - either because it’s a telling sign that Mary won’t be with us much longer, or because Rosie is spared being considered a part of the ‘burning Sherlock’s heart’ plan. Sherlock, on the surface, seems to love Rosie and accepts her.

Also, another BTS photograph I came across during my research which I’ve never seen before and ties nicely to the vanity topic is this one (found here):

The Death's-head hawkmoth and ‘Death with Interruptions’

You’ll recall that I referenced The Collector and Silence of the Lambs, both featuring butterflies on their cover art. 

The Silence of the Lambs cover features Acherontia atropos, otherwise known as the death's-head hawkmoth. It gets its name from the sinister-looking skull shape on its back. In many cultures it is thought to be an omen of death. In a bit of another coincidental but stunning piece of symbolism, all three species of the Death's-head hawkmoth are commonly observed raiding beehives of different species of honey bee; A. atropos only invades colonies of the well-known western honey bee, Apis mellifera, and feeds on both nectar and honey. They can move about in hives without being disturbed because they mimic the scent of the bees and are not recognised as intruders.

Anyway, the use of Acherontia atropos reminded me of the book ‘Death with Interruptions’ by Jose Saramago. Interestingly, this is another book about a deathly collector with a butterfly on the cover:

In Death with Interruptions death is a woman, and she falls in love with one of her future victims. She decides to spare his life: Every time death sends him his letter [notifying him of his imminent death], it gets returned. death discovers that, without reason, this man has mistakenly not been killed. Although originally intending merely to analyse this man and discover why he is unique, death eventually becomes infatuated with him, so much so that she takes on human form to meet him. Upon visiting the cellist, she plans to personally give him the letter; instead, she falls in love with him, and, by doing so, she becomes even more human-like.

It’s pretty common to read theories about Mary who maybe was one of the assassins due to kill John both at the pool and in front of Barts. So we have a death harbinger trying to kill someone twice and failing. She then falls in love with him.

But how does the butterfly fit in?

Well, at some point in the story, death (that’s her name, sans a capital d), contemplates that using the death head butterfly, instead of a violet piece of paper, would have sent a much stronger message to those whose death is coming for.

And here’s another last bit of coincidental reference to Sherlock: I’d argue shades of purple, among them shades of violet, are associated with Mary and her secrets. There’s the purple dress she wears in TEH, her bridesmaids’ dresses include various shades of purple (including what I would argue was a violet sash) and let’s not forget:

Oh and, by the way, remember the song Donde Estas, Yolanda from TEH, about a woman called Yolanda? Always thought it was a bit of an odd choice for a song?

Yolanda is a female given name, of Greek origin, meaning Violet.

:)

Thoughts?

Credits: thank you @lukessense​ for directing me to @tendergingergirl​ meta about butterflies. Episode screenshots are from kissthemgoodbye.net.

@sarahthecoat​  @tjlcisthenewsexy​ @devoursjohnlock​ @inevitably-johnlocked​ @shylockgnomes​ @possiblyimbiassed​ @raggedyblue​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @gosherlocked​ @waitedforgarridebs​ @helloliriels​ 

[amitojo]

conversation that followed the thought of suicide

clearly, i wasn’t happy with how/what my life was at that moment, hence the thought of suicide crossed my mind.

so, i knew i didn’t want to continue living life like this, and for that, i knew i needed to make some radical changes to my lifestyle.

i realised, if i am not happy with my current life and wish to change things, i have got to start with changing things i do daily, my habits.

you’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. the secret of your success is found in your daily routine. - john c. maxwell

we first make our habits, and then our habits make us. - john dryden

if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. - brian tracy

but first, i needed to practise radical acceptance of myself and my life situations. because it is only when i accept myself and my life situations as they are and as they are not, that i can go on to look at them objectively and make the most out of the situation. 

resistance causes persistence, acceptance causes disappearance. - unknown

i said to myself, “this is the life i’ve been given. these are the circumstances. this is what’s working in my life right now and this is what is not working. this is how i am. this is what works for me and what doesn’t.”

i looked at and accepted the advantages and disadvantages // pros and cons of being me and the life i was living.

i then asked myself, “what kind of a life do i want to live?”

we have these social constructs and expectations as to how one “should” live their life. what they “should” be doing in their life at a certain age, etc.

we go to school, we then start working, then we are “supposed” to get married, start a family maybe, and so on. and eventually, we die.

it’s a bittersweet symphony, that’s life. tryna make ends meet, you’re a slave to money then you die. - the verve

it is the thought of what will people say/think and how they’ll judge me for living life as i am, that causes a large part of my anxiety.

i thought to myself, “if i am going to die eventually, and i’m only ever going to live once, this one life that i’ve been given, why not live as per my own terms; why not do and pursue that which fulfils me?”  

all these things that i’m worried about, they don’t even matter in the grand scheme of things.

we are all no one (objectively speaking). we are smaller than what a dust particle is for us in the context of the whole universe!

i just happened to have been born on this planet, in this galaxy, in this universe, which is still not entirely discovered! heck, we are still discovering new forms of life on this planet itself!

“what am i worried about?”, i asked myself.

following these thoughts i had a feeling of gratitude towards having the opportunity to live and experience this life.

“the only way i can honour this life”, i thought to myself, “is by living it to the fullest and making the most of this time i have available here.”

people’s opinion of what i’m doing and how i’m living my life is not important as long as i am content with the life i am living.

don’t you worry ’bout fittin’ in when you are custom made. - drake

i said to myself, “i’m going to treat this life like a game, or an adventure. and i am going to have as much fun as i can before the game is over.” (which it will be, and we can never be sure when)

and by fun i don’t mean getting drunk and partying. that is just one idea of fun. i’ll invest my time in doing things which are fun for me.

recommended read: memento mori – a collection of quotes to remind you that you are going to die

i realised that the least i can do is make the most out of this life i have been given.

i then asked myself, “how can i live my life from this moment on, such that, when i eventually die (of natural causes), i would be content with how and where i invested my time, money, and energy.“

i started thinking as to what does “living my best life” mean to me? how would it look like in everyday life?

the meaning of life is to give life meaning. - unknown

i discovered that living my best life, for me, is crossing things off of my bucket list.

i maintain lists for: ways i can add/create value, what i want to read, what i want to watch, music i want to listen to, make, perform. what i want to learn, places i want to visit, experiences i want to experience.  

i thought to myself, if every day i can check some things off of my bucket list, on my death bed i would feel i made the most out of my time here in this life. i spent my time doing what i wanted to do, experience, explore.

again, that doesn’t mean there won’t be hard times. they will always be there. that’s part of life. but the areas, commitments under which i go through hard times is up to me.

recommended read: thinking right in wrong times

that’s me living my best life in my eyes.

that’s the meaning i’ve given to my life.

[hatterstan-shameblog]

The One With The Room Reassignment

Aguni needs a new room. For, well, reasons. Embarrassing reasons. Reasons that he’s trying not to disclose to anyone, least of all Takeru, who...well, you know how he is.

But it’ll all be okay.

Right?

(Because I simply could not have read this post by @missdrake without writing the Aguni prompt. I mean, come on, the opportunity for banter was just too good!)

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Rating: ‼️18+‼️ Do Not Interact If You Are Underage

Warnings: descriptions of sexual situations, referenced drug use, alcohol, threats of violence

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Of all the places Aguni could be right now, this has to be one of the worst.

It’s not that he dislikes Takeru’s room, per se. On the contrary, he actually enjoys the subtle opulence of the space, spelled out in caramel-colored woods and blue-green drapes.

It’s fancy, yes, but approachable. Comfortable, even.

But, in this moment, Aguni feels anything but comfortable. He feels antsy, he feels jumpy—he feels the angry little teeth of embarrassment nibbling at the ends of his nerves, and its making his palms sweat.

Are the lights in here extra hot, or is that just him?

...It’s probably just him.

It doesn’t help that Takeru is staring at him, those deep-dark eyes filled with their usual mix of subtle scrutiny mixed with glittering amusement and finished off with a dash of smug confidence—like a flourish of whipped cream atop a hot fudge sundae, if the whipped cream had the uncanny ability to see into a person’s soul and the hot fudge sundae was a lovable bastard whose modus operandi involved creating as much drama as possible.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Takeru says—and he is so very feline, stretched into a graceful sprawl along the black leather sofa, his lips curled into a serene, sleepy smile around the lip of a champagne flute.

Aguni doesn’t even like champagne, but he’s been taking small, nervous sips from his own glass all the same because that is infinitely more manageable than talking. Except, well...because he’s not talking, the situation is getting more and more awkward by the minute.

“Didn’t expect you to be alone.”

“I’ve decided to take the night off,” Takeru says, rolling his shoulders back in a slow stretch of spine, “The games, the meetings, the endless parade of unfortunates looking for guidance and reassurance? It wears on you, Mori-chan.”

As if to illustrate the point, Takeru heaves a dramatic sigh.

“There’s something wearing on you, too, isn’t there? You look...pained?”

“I, uh,” Aguni swallows nervously. This is the part he’s been dreading for the last hour, and now that it’s here...well. All he has to do is stick to the plan and everything will be okay.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

“I...” Aguni gulps, “need a new room.”

Although his delivery leaves something to be desired in the “calm and collected” department, Aguni is quite pleased with himself for having managing to get the words out without blushing.

...Okay, he’s probably blushing a little bit, but Takeru hasn’t teased him about it yet, so it can’t be that bad.

“Oh? Why?”

Aguni’s jaw tightens. The problem with Takeru (one of the many, if he’s being honest) is that the man can be particularly difficult to read. Even after thirty-plus years of friendship, Aguni can’t tell what he’s thinking half of the time, which has left him in quite a few...situations. Difficult situations. Confusing situations. Awkward situations.

Situations like these, where Aguni’s brain is spinning like a high-powered carousel on a pottery wheel inside of a giant blender and someone keeps pressing the ‘pulse’ button with a giant hammer and it’s all very loud and very unpleasant.

“The bed,” he answers slowly, “uh, the bed is...broken.”

“Broken?”

Aguni takes another gulp of alcohol—too much for one swallow, and his throat spasms around the popping fizz of carbonation. He coughs slightly.

“Yes,” Aguni clarifies, “Broken.”

Takeru rolls his eyes.

“Always the brilliant conversationalist,” Takeru says, dripping with sarcasm and waving his champagne with a dismissive gesture, “We’ve established that the bed is broken, but you’ve failed to mention how it is broken, and since I do not know the extend of the breakage, I am unable to determine if you do, in fact, need to be moved to a different room. Space is limited, Mori-chan. I can’t afford to be frivolous about such things.”

Had he not been so focused on maintaining some semblance of composure, Aguni might have teased his friend for lecturing him about frivolity—but now is not the time for chit-chat. He is a man on a mission, and the success of said mission is dependent on his ability to, as they say, ‘get in and get out.’

“The frame. It, uh...snapped off of the headboard,”Aguni answers carefully, “It’s...I can’t sleep on it.”

Takeru’s eyes narrow.

“Ah. I see.”

Silence settles between them once more—only for a moment, but it’s enough to make Aguni shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“I can fix it,” Aguni adds, “I just...need a place to stay tonight.”

There is a flash of silver—Takeru is one of the only people Aguni knows under the age of sixty who uses a cigarette case, which is both charming and frequently inconvenient— and it’s only a second before the scent of smoke and nicotine fills the air.

“I suppose that’s reasonable,” he concludes—and it’s a weight off of Aguni’s mind and heart that Takeru hasn’t decided to ask him a million questions regarding the “why’s” and “how’s” of his current predicament.

Perhaps there’s a chance he can make it out of here (relatively) unscathed.

So, when Takeru offers Aguni a drag on his cigarette, Aguni doesn’t much read into the gesture and gladly accepts.

“Hm,” Takeru says.

“What?”

“That is...so interesting.”

Aguni hands the cigarette back to his friend.

“Not sure what you mean.”

“I’m just reminiscing, I suppose,” Takeru says airily, “about the last time we shared a cigarette. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Something blooms in Aguni—something bad and uncertain.

“I don’t—“

“Oh, it’s been years. Three, actually. And a half. Tell me, Mori-chan,” Takeru furrows his brow, “can you remember where we were three-and-a-half years ago?”

Remember the ‘something’ that bloomed inside Aguni just a moment ago? Well, it has a name, and that name is ‘intense discomfort.’ He knows where this is going. He knows he’s powerless to stop it.

“Don’t worry, my dear friend—I remember,” he says, closing his eyes and smiling to himself, “Halloween. Osaka. 2018. I was Freddie Mercury. You were Elton John. It took me ages to get all those sequins sewn on...”

Takeru takes one final hit from the cigarette before stubbing it out into a (decidedly lovely) teacup that happened to be conveniently placed on the coffee table in front of him.

“Isn’t that the year you threw the statue of Colonel Sanders into the river?”

Takeru sneers.

“You mean the year I threw Colonel Sanders into the river alone because...somebody ran off with the mascot from that mediocre takoyaki stand,” he snips, “and then had the audacity to show up two hours later asking for a cigarette. Do you know why you asked for a cigarette, Mori-chan?”

“Oh no.”

“It’s because you didn’t have any on you. Because you don’t usually smoke. Unless,” and Takeru positively relishes his dramatic pause, “it’s after sex.”

Aguni doesn’t say anything.

“You thought you could come into my house,” Takeru shouts, “after having mind-blowing, soul-shattering sex—the kind of sex that snaps bed frames clean in half—and I wouldn’t know about it?”

“But how did you—?”

“I heard you,” Takeru spits, “howling like...like some kind of demonic wolf in the light of a full moon!”

“I couldn’t have been that loud...”

“Loud enough to hear from down the hall,” Takeru adds, “frankly, I’m impressed. And a little jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Of your lover. Nobody’s broken a bed fucking me lately, which is a goddamn shame,” Takeru sips from his glass, “Don’t suppose you’ll tell me who it was, hm?”

“No,” Aguni snaps, perhaps a bit too quickly, “making fun of me is one thing, but I won’t you have you making fun of my...uh, my...”

“Paramour?”

“...Sure,” Aguni says, “Look, the point is, it’s important that I—“

“Yes, yes, you’re about to lecture me about ‘privacy’ and ‘boundaries’ and all the things decent people like you are oh-so-interested in preserving,” Takeru says, rolling his eyes, “Believe it or not, I am capable of discretion.”

“You are?”

“When the situation calls for it,” Takeru muses, “or if it’s simply more fun to keep my mouth shut and watch the drama unfold. You having a secret lover ticks both boxes.”

Takeru jumps up from his seat and claps his hands together.

“So! I have decided,” he announces with great panache, “that I shall, in fact, give you a new room. A nice one, too. Maybe even nicer than the one you’re in currently.”

Aguni huffs a relieved breath.

“Thank you.”

“But!” Takeru flops down on the couch next to Aguni with all the grace of a fleshly-flipped pancake, “You have to do something for me.”

“I don’t—“

“You have to answer three,” and Takeru holds up three fingers in front of Aguni’s face, “of my questions. Truthfully. No skips, no take-backs.”

This is...well. This is not ideal.

Aguni considers his options. On one hand, he’s entirely justified in slapping Takeru across the face and shouting ‘absolutely not!’—and, honestly, Takeru would probably understand because, while he is an asshole, he is a self-aware asshole.

On the other hand, it’s only three questions. Maybe, if he’s able to keep Takeru on topic (a Herculean effort to be sure), Aguni can make quick work of getting a new room and, more importantly, getting the hell out of here.

“Fine,” he mumbles, “but make it quick. I’m tired.”

“Yeah, I bet you are,” Takeru says, “nothing wears you out quite like an evening of dirty, nasty, animalistic—“

“Takeru!”

“—Depraved, disgusting fucking,” and he makes a very disgusted ugh-ing sound when he notices Aguni shooting him a pointed glare, “Fine. Lovemaking. Whatever. The point is that you got it in real good and that’s enough to make anyone tired.”

“Dealing with you is making me tired. Please, just...ask your questions so I can get a room and go to bed.”

“Fine, fine,” Takeru says, and he makes a great show of thinking the matter over, mouth puckering into a pouty little frown before snapping into a mischievous smirk, “Question one: did you shower before coming here?”

Aguni sighs and looks down at his shoes.

“No.”

“Oh, that is gross,” Takeru shouts, clapping him on the back, “I’m so proud of you!”

Aguni rolls his eyes, trying his hardest to look unaffected by his friend’s prying. But he can’t hide the blush from blooming on his face, because this is all very mortifying and he doesn’t particularly enjoy the way Takeru is looking at him with a devious little smile.

“It’s like looking in a mirror,” Takeru says, running a hand through his hair, “a less-handsome—but taller—mirror!”

“Got a good two inches on you,” Aguni says, and he relishes the way his companion winces. Although he is not a short man by any means, Takeru has always been just a bit shorter than him—which has led to quite a few jabs over the years.

“Maybe in height,” Takeru quips, “but certainly not everywhere else, hm?”

It’s odd, but somehow, Aguni has not yet gotten used to feeling his soul leave his body. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s dying inside, letting the pain shine out directly from his face and hopes it slaps Takeru across the mouth so he doesn’t have to.

“I couldn’t resist,” Takeru says between chuckles, “You know how I am!”

“Unfortunately.”

But Takeru is too busy staring at him now to give one of his classically witty retorts. To the untrained eye, it would appear that he is carefully considering something. Because Aguni knows that the words ‘careful’ and ‘consideration’ are not part of Takeru’s vocabulary, he steels himself for whatever batshit-insane bullshit is going to come flying at him next.

“Now, I know the identity of your new squeeze is off-limits. Which I am sympathetic towards, because I am a sensitive and caring man—which, by the way, is something you should mention to any and all available singles you should happen upon throughout your travels...”

There’s just something about the way Takeru talks—and talks, and talks—that sets Aguni’s blood to boil.

“You know why it took me three years to get laid? Because you,” Aguni snaps, “wouldn’t stop fucking talking long enough for me to get away and meet someone.”

“Ooh, so bitchy! Seems like you could use a little more of whatever you just had,” Takeru runs a finger along the rim of his glass, smiling to himself when the friction creates a high-pitched hum, “if that’s a possibility, of course.”

Aguni feels a headache coming on. He runs at his temples in a (futile) attempt to stave it off.

“I don’t have time for your games, Takeru. If you want to ask me if this was a one-night stand, then ask me if it was a one-night stand.”

“Fine, then. Mori-chan,” Takeru places his glass on the table and turns to face Aguni. He pulls his legs up and hugs his shins close to himself, chin resting on his knobby knees—like a high school girl at a sleepover, “Did you give that mystery individual the fuck of a lifetime because you knew it was going to be a one-time thing...or because this is the start of something more?”

“I...” Aguni pauses, “I don’t know.”

Takeru’s brow furrows.

“Don’t look at me like that! I was, uh,” Aguni rubs the back of his neck uncertainly, “I thought we’d maybe have that conversation when I got back.”

Takeru tilts his head slightly to the left.

“Got back from where?”

“Here.”

“Mori-chan. Darling. Dearest,” Takeru places a hand on his shoulder, fingers gripping into the skin a little more with each passing moment, “do you mean to tell me that you...left your lover alone on a broken bed...to come talk to me?”

“No,” Aguni answers, “Left ‘em in the bath.”

“Oh my God...”

“What? I thought it was a nice gesture.”

“You are so cute and hopeless.”

Takeru scoots close enough to Aguni that their hips are touching, the arm that had been gripping his shoulder now slung around his mid-back.

“Picture it,” he says, reaching his other arm out in front of them as if grasping at a ghost of a dream, “your paramour—whoever they may be—sitting alone in a bathtub. Naked. Glistening.”

“...Glistening?”

“Sparkling, even.”

That is...oh dear. Aguni hadn’t thought of it like that. And now he can’t stop thinking about it. His mind’s eye is conjuring up a most hypnotic display, involving skin and steam and a crystalline droplets rolling down the length of a neck and—

“I put bubbles in,” he admits, voice soft and unfocused as he drifts in his daydream, “Lavender-scented.”

“That’s. Wow,” Takeru sighs, patting Aguni’s knee, “You’re a stronger man than I am, that’s for sure. I simply wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation. I mean, you could be in there right now, but...you’re here with me instead.”

Something breaks in Aguni. Something he hadn’t been aware of before now, but was apparently a very important piece of whatever was keeping him from grabbing Takeru by the lapels and shaking him with all the strength and rage that has been building up for the past twenty minutes.

Because that’s what he’s doing right now. He’s grabbing Takeru by the lapels of his weird robe thing and shaking him within an inch of his life. He’s also yelling, something like ‘give me the goddamn room’ but it’s hard to hear over the deafening rush of blood in his ears.

“Not...the...silk,” Takeru begs—well, as much as a man being maliciously jostled can beg—while his hands attempt to loosen Aguni’s own from his outfit, “She didn’t...do anything...wrong!”

Aguni stops shaking him, but not because he wants to—no, he very much wants to continue shaking this annoying man until his head snaps off and flies out the window—but because Takeru has started to take on a bit of a sickly greenish tinge and Aguni is not in the mood to deal with that on top of everything else.

“I will tear that tacky thing to shreds if you don’t give me a new room,” he seethes, releasing his grip on Takeru altogether and enjoying the way the other man falls back slightly as he’s let go, “I snapped a fucking bed frame an hour ago; I could tear that and you in half without even trying.”

“Okay, but,” and Takeru winces, “I just...there’s a bit of a problem. Not...a ‘problem’ problem, but...I’m very worried about how you’ll react after that little outburst you just had.”

Great. Of course there’s a catch. There’s always a catch with Takeru—but Aguni had been naive enough to think that his frustrating questionnaire had been it.

“There’s only one room available,” Takeru continues, as if he’s trying to calm a very angry horse or convince a toddler to do literally anything, “and it’s...well, it’s...the one next door.”

“You mean,” Aguni says very flatly, “the room next to this one?”

“Yes.”

“With the adjoining door?”

“Hit me if you want,” Takeru says, pressing himself against the arm of the couch and, therefore, as far away from Aguni’s anger as possible, “just...please don’t shake me again. My delicate constitution couldn’t possible take it.”

Aguni is reminded of a poem—the Robert Frost one about two roads in a wood or something like that. The way he figures, he’s got two roads in front of him right now: the ‘scream at Takeru and maybe shake him a little more and also refuse the room’ road versus the ‘it’s only one night and things couldn’t possibly get worse than they already are so take the room and maybe try to salvage the evening’ road.

Both are tempting.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said it was nicer than your current room. Good view, spacious, well-decorated,” he says, “Except for the credenza under the TV, that’s hideous. Wouldn’t be mad if you, y’know, decided to break that in the heat of the moment...”

Aguni must look positively murderous, because Takeru immediately switches into grovel mode, which includes various assorted platitudes and exclamations of ‘it was just a joke!’ and ‘please don’t kill me!’

It’s kind of funny, actually.

“Listen,” Takeru half-pleads, “I’ll be good. I’ll be quiet. You won’t even know I’m over here. Hell, if I smoke enough weed, I won’t know I’m here, which will work out just great! I slip into a light coma, you slip into a comfortable bed with your sweetheart, and everybody’s happy.”

“You just want an excuse to get high.”

“No,” he answers confidently, “I want you to be happy and I want to get high. Use my mind-altering substances for good, not evil. You know, like a superhero. Or maybe even Jesus.”

Aguni decides not to bring Takeru’s half-joking-but-not-really God-complex into question, because that would launch him into an hour-long tirade about the importance of self-love and how he would be an excellent choice for the next mayor of Tokyo. And maybe he wouldn’t be the worst mayor Tokyo has ever had, but...well. He might not be very good at it, either.

And maybe it’s because he’s incapable of staying too horribly angry at his best friend for very long, but Aguni concludes that it’s best just to take the room and let the situation go. He’s had enough drama for one night.

“Fine,” Aguni finally says, “I’ll take it.”

And he moves to stand before Takeru can suck him in to another conversation.

“You know,” Takeru calls casually as Aguni begins to walk towards the door, “I still haven’t asked my third question...”

“You have got to be kidding—“

“But,” Takeru quickly interjects, “I don’t have to ask, because I already know that the answer is ‘yes.’”

“Hm?”

“Yes,” Takeru concludes with a wry smile, “you are happy. Even when you were about to about to slap me, I could see it written all over your face.”

Aguni feels...embarrassed. Again. He’s truly been on an emotional rollercoaster since stepping foot into Takeru’s room, and it’s almost poetic that he has managed to start and end his journey with a begrudging blush.

“Now, go,” Takeru says, shooing him off with a roll of his wrist, “get out of my sight and into bed with that sexy little secret you insist upon hiding from the rest of us!”

Aguni doesn’t need to be told twice. He swiftly makes his way towards the exit, his legs taking slightly-larger-than-normal strides as he attempts not to appear too giddy at the thought of returning to his lover. Maybe they can test out the bathtub in the new room. Or the shower. Or maybe just hang out in bathrobes and talk?

Honestly, he’s just excited to see them again. A nice, soothing presence. Something to help him decompress after...whatever the hell that just was with Takeru. There’s a seventy-five-percent chance that he’ll stay true to his word and be stoned out of his mind by the time they switch rooms, and a twenty-percent chance that he’ll spend the night pressed up against the door trying to listen in. The other five percent? That’s what Aguni likes to call the ‘wild card allotment’ because Takeru is...well, he’s just the kind of guy to do something completely unpredictable, and he likes to plan for that.

“Remember,” Takeru calls out just as Aguni is stepping out, “Break the credenza!”

And Aguni has never been happier to shut a door in his life.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

PS: the thing with throwing the statue of Colonel Sanders in the river is a thing that actually happened and I think it’s really funny so that’s why I put it in here. Plus, like. Takeru totally would.