#when I first played 4 I was DISGUSTED by the amount of people I saw bashing dingus
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hana-bobo-finch · 2 months ago
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love dingo SO MUCH he such a dumbass. Such a. Little dweeb. this was essentially my first reaction to him but replace adorable with hideous
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differenteagletragedy · 4 months ago
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Just an unreasonable amount of angst, takes place some time after Baxter's Step 4!
If there was a through line of your love life, a neat little string that wound through everything and wrapped it all up in a nice, pretty bow, then you'd hoped it was Baxter.
You wanted it to be Baxter. You needed it to be him.
And for a while, you convinced yourself that it was. You'd met him for the first time at 13, where you shared a formative dance on a crowded floor, then again at 18, when he spent a short summer by your side.
You fell in love with him then, you were sure of it. And then five years later, when fate brought him into your life once more, it felt undeniable. Life wouldn't be so cruel as to take this beautiful person in and out of your life over and over, would it?
It wasn't that cruel, you learned. But maybe you were.
A hand touched yours, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked up and warm amber eyes met yours, the corners pulled up.
Baxter smiled at you, gently running a finger along your knuckles.
"Where have you been, darling?" he asked quietly.
You glanced around -- he'd taken you out to dinner, a particularly nice dinner, even by his standards. You'd finished up most of your meal, but you saw that as your thoughts had been wondering, you'd used your fork to make a mess of the remaining food.
You winced a little, looking at it. It looked like a toddler had been playing in their food. It was disgusting, just like ---
"Are you with me?"
Baxter squeezed your hand, and you forced yourself to look at him, really look. You took in his crisp maroon suit, his artfully styled hair -- grey now, you noted, not jet black. The little bits of lightness showed up in the twinkling light of the candles on the table, and you saw it as you always had -- proof that you'd helped him feel comfortable enough to truly be himself, imperfections and all.
For a while, you thought he'd helped you in the same way, but his worried eyes and the pit in your stomach told you that even though years had passed, even though he had been nothing but kind and loving and gentle with you, you weren't as healed as you liked to think.
You were still broken. Irreparable, even.
"Hey," he said, just above a whisper. "What's wrong?"
You gave a slight shake of your head and forced a smile, thankful in the moment that you'd faked it enough in your life that you could make it seem real.
"I'm fine," you told him. "Just tired, I guess."
He studied you for a moment longer, and you could tell he was trying to decide to just what extent you were lying. It wasn't a good feeling -- both lying to him and knowing that he knew you were -- but you pressed on.
Finally, he stood, tucking his chair in behind him. He walked to your side of the table and once again reached for your hand.
"Care to dance, then?"
You took his hand without thinking too much -- just enough to know that if you thought more, you might find a reason to say no. It was a terrifying thing to consider, so you just didn't.
Baxter slid one hand into yours and placed the other on the small of your back, pulling you in close. The restaurant had a small dance floor with a piano off to the side, and a few other couples were already there, moving together like the two of you were.
You idly wondered if they were happy.
Time passed, you weren't sure how much, but long enough for your discomfort to ease. Baxter was a charming dance partner, and the way he held you tight against him, coupled with the two drinks you shared at the bar between songs, had you feeling better.
It was just anxiety, you reasoned. Unfounded fear. It didn't mean anything. You wouldn't let it.
It was easy to be brave with Baxter. After a string of failed relationships over the years, some small, some big, sometimes you struggled with letting people in, but he was always different. So gentle and supportive, he provided you with unrelenting grace.
"Can we go for a walk?" he asked, and you agreed.
He paid the bill, and soon you found yourself being led to a nearby strip of shoreline. The salty air bolstered you mood even more, enough that you almost felt OK.
You leaned your head against his shoulder, and he placed a kiss on top of your head. When you pulled back, you offered him a smile -- a real one. He smiled back.
And then, in the blink of an eye, he let you go and knelt down on one knee. He dug around in a coat pocket for just a moment before pulling out a small black jewelry box, which he moved to open.
Before he could say a word, long before he could get out the question you knew he was going to ask, you gave him an answer.
"No."
His mouth was left hanging open. He'd been ready to launch into a speech, one you just knew he'd rehearsed, something full of warmth and tons of little lies about how wonderful that he somehow thought were true, but now he was lost.
You couldn't say for sure who started crying first, or if you'd tried to pull him up or if he'd tried to pull you down, but soon you were both hunched over together on the beach, tears falling fast. You were trying to cave in on yourself, and despite the fact that you'd just broken his heart, he was holding you through it.
"Can you just talk to me?" he finally asked, his voice husky with emotion. "Please, can you just talk to me?"
But you couldn't, not really. Not in any way that would have made a difference.
You tried anyway.
The explanations you offered him were messy and sad and disjointed -- "you can do better than me," "you don't have to stay," "you deserve better" -- and while they were true, they didn't quite get to the heart of it.
You wanted to give him an out, a reason why he should leave, an excuse to walk away clean. A quick, easy break that you should have given him a long time ago. If you couldn't do anything else, you could do that much.
What you should have anticipated was that your boyfriend knew a thing or two about keeping people at a distance, and even more about self-loathing.
He cried with you, clutching you against him on the sand. He rocked you gently as you sobbed desperately, and he ran shaky hands over your back, through your hair, all over to try to find a magic spot that might soothe you.
"Let's go home, all right?" he asked when you finally settled. "We don't have to talk about it. We can pretend it never happened."
"How is that going to work?"
He chuckled darkly, and said, "I'm not really seeing another choice here, love."
You paused, then told him, "You could leave."
He kissed your temple, then your cheek.
"Not an option," he said plainly.
You saw there with him a while longer, long enough for the panic to recede. The surrounding streets became quieter as it got later, the city emptier.
"Let's go home," he repeated.
It wasn't a fix, of course. You weren't sure a fix existed for what was wrong with you. But he wasn't running, and he wasn't letting you run either. And at least for tonight, that would have to be enough.
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thelureking · 2 years ago
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I had this idea to make a list of all the games I played in 2022, half as a recommendation list, and half because I struggle to remember when I played what. I have a really bad time ranking stuff, so I'll just list them chronologically (or, as chronologically as I can remember).
Note: Sometimes I dont have a lot to say about a game, but that doesnt mean I didn't like it or that it isn't good.
So, with that being said:
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1) Our Life: Beginnings and Always
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This game has put visual novels on another level entirely. How must I go on knowing that I will never be treated like royalty by any other game like this did. Our Life tells the story of your friendship and/or romance with Cove Holden, your new neighbor. This Visual Novel remembers an insane amount of stuff you choose, and it can put you in the state of mentioning something you did as a kid that you completely forgot about. I actually really liked how you can go the entire game as just friends, or choose when your character develops romantic feelings. I cannot overstate how well made this entire thing is. Can't wait to play the DLCs and for the sequel to be released.
Absolute recommend.
2) Iron Lung
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If you have a computer, you can play it. It is not an option.
Claustrophobic above all, this game captures the pure dread of the unknown, building tension and atmosphere as you travel through this unknown planet's red sea. Highly recommended.
3) An Outcry
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Amazing game that I don't see enough people talking about. The first game that made me actually physically ill while playing an alternative route. I don't know what hit me the most, the subject matter or the type of person I played in that route, a person I know exists and maybe I've met, a person I hope I never become. I knew what the game was specifically referencing, but I found it good that it was able to trigger that response on someone who lives in an entirely different place, with different historical events, but with enough similarities that made the feeling of dread and disgust that much real. Its message is clear and loud as it should be, and one that I think maybe now more than ever needs to be heard. I cannot recommend this game enough.
4) Stillwater
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Now this is a Visual Novel that I really liked and would have loved for it to be longer, but I love it as it is. It left me wanting more about the world and its characters, and I think that's a good thing. It feels unfair that this is the one I typed the least about, knowing how much I liked it. It's really worth the read/play.
5) The Caribbean Sail
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Have you ever wanted to be a sailor or a pirate? Have you ever wanted to grab a ship, sail into unknown destinations, encounter supernatural phenomenons and watch as your fellow crew members die of disentry five seconds after leaving your first port? Because if so, I have the perfect game for you. It's inspired by the Oregon Trail game, and that's literally what the gameplay is like, except on the sea. Which was enough of a selling point for me.
6) Carrion
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My child, it has every disease. Loved the concept when I saw the trailer, forgot I can actually buy games now, and then proceeded to do that. Being able to live my fantasies of being a flesh creature that destroys and eats everything in its path was a delight. The creature is my child and I love it very much.
We need more games that let you play as the monster, I'm serious.
7) The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
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This game is both my beloved and the thorn on my side. Who would have thought that in a game like this you would proceed to suffer through life? I said to myself as if I hadn't known what I was getting into. You'll experience loss, you'll struggle to make a name for yourself, your family will fall apart, and you may never kiss your best friend Tommas who gave you a totally platonic ring to commemorate your friendship because the game doesn't want you to.
Or you'll have a different experience than me on my first playthrough.
You follow the titular Sir Brante from the moment of his birth to his last breath, exploring the world he lives in, full of injustices that at times made me go "I do not care about the lots, give me a fucking gun so I can take you to the fucking Twins". There are many branches regarding life paths, the fate of your family and that of the entire city you live in. But don't worry about it now, keep looking at those toy soldiers at the store as a little kid, I'm sure nothing will happen in the future.
8) Princess Maker 2 Refine
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And apparently I didn't get enough of walking a kid through life.
Who looks at a game about raising a little girl by managing her monthly schedule and balancing her stats, health and money and says "yes, this is the game I'll play to destress"?
I do that. Don't ask why.
I have only reached two endings, in one my beautiful daughter became the royal painter, her art held as the most beautiful and inspiring in the entire world. In another, my girl made a name for herself by exploring the lands surrounding the kingdom, so fast on her feet nobody could even scratch her; she married a dragon prince and became the teacher of her own fighting school.
And even with all of that, her goddess mother was not happy.
So yes, this is the "divorced dad who got custody" experience.
9) Planescape: Torment
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What can change the nature of a man? That is a question posed by one Ravel Puzzlewell, night hag of the Gray Wastes. It is one of the many questions that this game asks, intertwined by the many philosophies it presents. Planescape Torment does not stick to one question, it asks many, and it lets you answer.
It is a beautifully written game, one of the best I have ever read. There is one moment that I do not wish to spoil, but it still sticks to my head months after I experienced it. As a writer, I found myself fascinated by how a certain event was told, all because of the way it was presented.
It feels like an injustice to not talk in length about Planescape: Torment, but I seriously don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't played it yet. A blind experience is fully worth it. All you need to know is that this is the game that made me post for the first time here, two dumb memes for myself and one short analysis that sometimes reminds me that yes, people can interact with it. Shameless link to it here
10) Growing my Grandpa!
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If I had to describe this game without saying too much, I would say it's "heartwarming horror". Two words that don't usually go together, but that they perfectly fit here. The story is, like the title says, about growing your grandpa, more like helping a girl grow her grandpa, but still. Strangely sweet and unnerving, I was tense the entire time, and even when I had to replay it to get the second ending (this was entirely my fault, since I could have gotten it way easier) that tension never left.
11) FAITH: The Unholy Trinity
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I don't remember how I found out about this game, but I remember waiting patiently for it to get a steam release so I could buy it and play its three chapters all together. The day finally came, and all that waiting was worth it.
The gameplay is simple, yet the developers found a way to have me both crying in fear and frothing by the mouth out of anger every time I saw the game over screen (affectionately). In terms of difficulty, I would say the game is easy until it isn't, looking at you Chapter 2 and 3 Final Bosses, you bastards. Then again, I saw people say they struggled in places I didn't, so I would say it depends on the player.
The story is so interesting and it's still marinating in my brain please I need people to talk about how the prologue of chapter 2 and the one note in chapter 3 relate please. The cutscenes are also so well done, and I had to restrain myself from using one as a second picture because I didn't want to spoil any of them.
All in all, a must play, fully recommend it.
And remember:
GARY LOVES YOU
12) Inmortal Mantis
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This is a tricky one. On one hand, the game starts off by basically spelling out every action you have to do, and suddenly it goes full on "fuck around and find out" mode. On the other, the game implements some interesting mechanics that I would love to see developed on a longer game, but I am not going to put the length against it while knowing how hard it is to make a game. And maybe being short plays in its favor.
13) Who's Lila?
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This game is my King in Yellow. I cannot stop thinking about it. I finished it with all endings and achievements in a day, and it wont leave me alone. It is always there, forever crawling at the back of my head, stretching itself over my brain and weaving my thoughts into a spiral as easily as a spider weaves its thread. It made itself a home in my mind and I won't kick it out any time soon. I played it because the concept of controlling a character's face in place of a dialogue wheel was interesting, and the story and the way it's presented (hand in hand with the gameplay) lured me deeper and deeper. I cannot even describe it without giving it the praise it deserves. It takes full advantage of its medium. Playing this game is an experience that I can't recommend enough, and I'm surprised it hasn't gotten the recognition it deserves.
14) Someone stole MY LUNCH!
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This visual novel is pure fun. The humor is so good I found myself reading the entire thing out loud while wheezing. I actually found out recently that it's made by the same people that made Stillwater, which, looking at it now I should have known. It's good and I'm not still over not seeing that one joke coming; well played.
15) MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF-
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... INSIDE A BAG OF MILK is a short visual novel about a girl going to the grocery to buy milk, and the challenge this seemingly small action can be. It is your responsibility to help her through this.
The steam page description perfectly summarizes it: "This is an artistic manipulation with word and form, only then - a game."
Reblog with more games
Or, you can jump to the 2023 list!
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Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 10, Episode 4
It's Cop Night tonight!
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I don't say this nearly enough, but I really love Ethan lol this is one of the funniest things he's ever said, no more fear of the Ghouls with this guy
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Not Matty of all people coming in with the 'okay enough of that please don't start things'
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He is thinking :] he just stares for so long trying to think of anything to say that wouldn't also start something and I love him for that
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I was just gunna add this cause cute Matty and hot Johnson but as I was rendering this I saw Ethan's face for the first time fuckin lmao I have seen this scene SO many times and never once have I looked at Ethan
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I really love soft, apologetic Matty, need more of this guy
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I love how you can actually see the switch between Well Mannered Matty and his usual self when being polite doesn't work lmao no one else could've played him for REAL /)w(\ also the smug laugh he does afterwards will be the death of me
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In case it wasn't obvious already I have a thing with being intimidated and this is the hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life no one else could've played him
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This exchange makes me insane. Matty is so hot here I can hardly stand it. This would've been such a good fucking fight, Matty just staring him down not scared at all, the implication of everyone else he isn't afraid of coming after him and he doesn't even care, his hand is shaking he's so strong and brave and I would fight Gary for him even though he could kick my 5'5 ass
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Fucking. Same. Ethan.
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I just really wanted to say this outfit fuckin eats, he makes me wanna buy him a very expensive beverage and sit with him while he drinks slow and talks about his day /)//w//(\ okay I'm normal again sorry about that back to the post
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Hi Angel~ Been watching a few of Rhys' movies for editing and he does this little wave in like all of them and this is just him continuing the trend lol so cute, I might make a lil gifset about it at some point 🥰
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Johnson standing there like 'Matty. Pinup. Matty.' like what is that look I'm going insane, he's surrounded by beautiful dancing ladies and he's always looking at Matty or Ethan
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Like. Fucking same, Johnson. I am also looking at Johnson like that as well just so you know
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lmao at Ethan but I love the amount of detail they put into all these sets like this bathroom is seen only once and they decked it out so damn cool
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Whoa I was just gunna screencap this bit and say I could never use a urinal cause guys are just... dicks out next to each other and that's so awkward oh my god so I'm always like looking at the wall during this whole scene cause I'm shy /)~(\ but Matty actually has another moment of misdirection when Ethan gets all still, doesn't change the subject this time, just hammers it home, but he does it in a way that still gets him away from Ethan it looks like so he knows he doesn't have to freak out over being recognized
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Serious conversation, dicks just out, all three of them, pissin' away, can't be me. Also love how Johnson isn't allowed in the scene cause there's only three urinals lmao he's saving their table for them it's all good
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He's also watching Ethan and seeing how calm he is this time ;w;
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Gross. Disgusting. Don't bring your open drinks into the bathroom you heathen Matty did too but at least he like leaves it there cause I saw it in his hand when he walked in and placed it on the top and then he never picked it back up, he's just littering
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I think him looking at me like that might fix me 😌 also cop didn't wash his hands yucko everybody shame him aaaaaaaaand I just now realized I giffed Ethan fuckin shakin' it and Matty's just staring at him with that expression as he's doing it I'm going to jump off a CLIFF MEN'S BATHROOMS ARE SO AWKWARD
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'Why?' Cutting Matty out of this part in the fic nearly killed me cause I couldn't do this exchange but I'm so happy with him realizing it himself ;w;
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Him saying this to me would definitely fix me. Love how he gets one second to be so genuine, his voice is so soft, and then he just laughs cause Ethan has the best reactions and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen after Johnson
Nearly hit my limit again surprisingly so yayyy I get to talk about my favourite scene with Ethan and Meredith tomorrow, gimme all the friendships with her to talk about! 💙💛
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stormoflina · 11 months ago
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The amount of people I've blocked since yesterday is huge. I understand being frustrated but straight up hate is not the answer lmao. And they love to say "im only joking" but it's like... are you? if writing awful hate comments and just being an asshole is how you "joke" then maybe u should check yourself.
And not to be that person, but our fanbase loves coddling a certain player who keeps missing obvious goal chances and it's also not playing well and he has been there for a while now. So, what the fuck.
Just... give constructive criticism and don't be a fucking asshole to anyone. Oh, and I'm only talking about what I've seen here on Tumblr, i don't have a twitter account so i can only imagine how awful everything must be over there (or even instagram).
Even with how insane it can get, I usually enjoy footie twt, but yesterday/today I did my first ever blockings. And I do think I'm pretty tough-skinned when it comes to handling hate towards my favourites, so you can only imagine how bad were things there. Not here, I think tumblr is quite disrespectful in this regard, or maybe I just follow the right people, lol.
All for constructive criticism, but some of those people don't even criticise, they just hate. You can tell it wasn't even a moment of passion for them, they must have been sitting for weeks on those hateful agendas towards certain players or the team in general. The late and lucky winners we had in the past couple of weeks just left no room for them to talk. Yesterday gave them the chance to unleash all that bottled up hate.
Ridiculous, isn't it? Yes, yesterday was very disappointing, not even because of the result, but for the reaction and performance we showed for being in the top 4 and possible title-contenders, but if there is any time to stick by your club and support your players, this is one. I'm as frustrated as anyone, because you can tell that something is not clicking, and with the fantastic players we have and the manager, we are still absolute favourites for both the Prem, the EL or the domestic cups. We were saved by brilliant individual performances from different players all season so far - because hate to say this, but team spirit got left in the dressing room in a few games -, yet some of those players were getting dragged, like it's only them on and only them. Always singling out players, hating on whoever gets the most engagement.
My one-sided beef with the Anfield Agenda bald dude literally turned into a public enemy type of situation, when I saw what he said to say about Salah for example:
This is NOT how you talk about a club legend, even if he did have a few poorer (and only by his standards!!) games. Not even if he had a poor season ffs, how disgusting this man can be! He has a lot to say for someone, who literally looks like aboiled egg left in the back of the fridge for who learnt how to talk and decided to have a tiktok page.
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renalex · 6 months ago
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Saw a post on here that was full of so much disdain for dogs that i nearly unfollowed the mutual that posted it.
The comments were such a mess of things i've heard many times. And because the comments were universally negative the op proclaimed that they were clearly the silent majority.
Leave your dog at home (people are allergic and phobic). Don't take them to parks (they make them unclean for children) Just the usual dogs are disgusting and untrained and dangerous kinda stuff.
Those are well and good and true and also opinions that people have so that's fair. But one thing that I saw a lot of and have heard many times from people I consider dear friends I just find so confusing. The notion that "it's cruel for people who live in cities to own dogs because apartments are small and there are no yards" The comment that got under my skin sated that we shouldn't even allow people in cities to own dogs.
So I'm fully bias on this right. I live in Toronto and I have a dog. In fact, I live in a studio/bachelor apartment with my medium sized dog perfectly happily. I've had dear friends look me in the eye and tell me that apartment living for dogs is bad for them. "I could never have a dog in a bachelor! There's no space!" I don't know how to explain, without seeming defensive, that dogs can be abused and neglected anywhere regardless of the existence of a yard or not. Growing up in rural Canada, where people have loads of property, it was not uncommon for me to see people have their dogs tied up outside all year long. My family had indoor dogs my entire childhood who only had outside access to a small fenced in part of our yard. The world of most of our pets is incredibly small. What matters is how loved they are and the amount of care you give them.
I do realize what they're saying to me is that they could never have a dog in the city and that is good. If you feel like you couldn't provide a good environment for a dog I think it's good that you not have one in that case. A very responsible decision indeed. But I do have to consciously make the effort to not take it as a judgment. Because stating that apartment living for dogs is cruelty sure feels like a judgment at times. To me it seems cruel to leave a dog in a shelter when I have the space in my heart and life to have one. I've always had dogs. I love having dogs. Dogs make more sense to me than people. Are there bad, neglectful owners out there? of course. But dogs existing in cities do not have it worse off than dogs existing in the country.
My dog lives happily in my small apartment with me. Even though I don't even have space for seating I have multiple beds for him and many toys. He eats breakfast and dinner with plenty of treats in between. The first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do before bed is walk him. He gets 4-5 long walks a day where he gets to sniff everything he wants. because we live in a city he has many many different dog friends he gets to say hi to and play with. Then at night he has his own little blanket at the end of my bed he gets to curl up on and sleep. He goes with me on transit and sits under my seat. He gets to come with me to some of my friends' places when I go. And when he can't join me he gets to stay at home and he does well by himself even though he has separation anxiety. I think he's got it pretty good.
Would I like to take him literally everywhere with me? sure. Do I? no. There are places he shouldn't be and that's ok.
Most importantly he has been there with me unconditionally. Through some legit awful times. Through people treating me badly. And he has nothing but love for me even though I'm not perfect. I would do anything to make sure he lives the best life I can give him because that's my responsibility. he gives me so much it's the least I can
I don't know man. I guess seeing such blatant dog hate on my dash got me in a mood but dogs are good. Dogs are happy so long as you're doing your best by them.
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Some pics of the best boy
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mindmeltonabunaosblog · 2 years ago
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Alchemy of Souls Part 2: Theories & Analysis (Ep 27-28)
Hello Readers,
Quite frankly I'm beyond thrilled this show is finally coming to a close. Part 2 was an utter mess and the script was horrendous. I felt like I was watching a hormonal teenage drama or something. The Hong Sisters had 30 episodes to tell the story of the three main characters (Seo Yul, Jin Bu Yeon, and Jang Uk), but they ended up mainly focusing on just one character (Jang Uk). They could've easily given the three mains 10 episodes each, but chose not to.
The Hong Sisters tried to connect the stories of what happen 203 yrs ago to 23 years ago to the present, but ended up failing miserably. When it came to Jang Uk, his clan didn't become important until his dad decided to swap with the King 23 years ago. Otherwise his story wasn't as interesting in comparison to the Jin's or Seo's. The only link Jang Uk has to what happened 203 years ago is that he's a King Star. And that's about it! I can totally see the Hong Sisters trying to make Jang Uk's connection to the past stronger by having him be the reincarnation of Seo Gyeong. However, if they choose to do this I'll know the Hong Sisters were scrambling to find a quick fix. Bear in mind, the notion of reincarnation has never been introduced within this show.
In this week's episodes, the past came back to haunt us. The problem with all of this is that the Hong Sisters didn't give us enough of a backstory as to what happened 203 years ago. In particular, the stories of the Choi's, Jin's, and Seo's....you know the three families involved in the first Great Chaos. It's like the Hong Sisters saw a wild fire was happening and they tried to cover it up with romance. No matter how many smut scenes they threw at me, I just wasn't having it. Romance in this show was secondary to the plot, not the other way around.
I'll be making my T&A posts (Eps 21-28) available to the general pubic after the last episodes of Part 2 ends. For Eps 29-30, I'll probably not make a T&A post available to the pubic. Why? Because AOS fandom is toxic af. Never in my life have I ever seen so many people plagiarize my work up until now. It has truly disgusted me. I know they'll be here lurking around hoping that I'll release my T&A post for Ep 29-30, but sorry I won't be!
Thinking caps on! Time to analyze and theorize.
Disclaimer: There’s probably many grammatical mistakes in this post! Also, I won’t be answering questions regarding Eps 29-30 just because I know there will be people who will use my answers and portray it as their own wherever.
Phoenix Shenanigans
This is one of the most annoying things about the Hong Sisters especially in Part 2, they keep introducing new things without really expanding upon them. How the hell are we suppose to figure out anything if they don't give us more information????! While I love the whole firebird concept, I don't think we'll have time to see it all play out. Meaning, I don't think we'll get to see the phoenix hatch. If by some miracle we do, I think it'll probably take 10 minutes at best. However, I'll still discuss about the firebird just in case! Below are just some things we know about the firebird:
1) Born from a volcano 2) Carries spirit of the dead 3) Able to be healed with a flower 4) When hatched it causes a severe drought 5) Causes Ice Stones to fall from the sky 6) Jin Seol Ran and Seo Gyeong built Jinyowon to contain the bird egg 7) Barrier that surrounds the egg is made with energy weighing 30,000 nyangs 8) Conflict causes the egg to hatch or "awaken"
Some interesting things about the firebird is the energy needed to keep it contained. Hong Sisters really love the number three lol. Cumulatively, Jang Uk has killed a 30 soul shifters. For each kill, he receives 1000 nyangs. Therefore, he has conveniently earned 30,000 nyangs, the same amount needed for the bird egg barrier. Another way to look at it is that the firebird barrier is equivalent to 30 souls! I smell Master Lee's hand in all of this haha. I bet you Master Lee had planted all these soul shifters for Jang Uk to kill so he would have enough to save Seo Yul's life.
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Now Mama Jin said something interesting about the firebird, arguing or conflict will cause the firebird to wake up. I do wonder if the firebird will wake up if there's a large war or clash in Daeho. In the preview, it looks like Songrim will fight Cheonbugwan...could this be the event that inadvertently wakes up big bird? I'd also theorized that maybe Jin Seol Ran had developed some sort of psychic connection to the bird and her descendant (Jin Bu Yeon) is connected to it too. We know an internal conflict is about to arise in Jin Bu Yeon and this could also cause the bird to wake up if it is indeed linked to Jin Bu Yeon.
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The Seo Family
This storyline had so much potential, but it was squandered away in favor of romance in Part 2. Back in Part 1, I'd wanted to know more about the Seo clan just because they were one of the original mage families involved in the Great Chaos. Other than the room where the Seo Lanterns were kept, we barely saw any of Seoho Fortress. I was also very curious to know if Seo Gyeong's lantern had been as kept there or somewhere else in an undisclosed location in Seoho Fortress. Such a piece of information would've been helpful to solve the mystery of what happened to Seo Gyeong following the events 203 years ago.
Members of this family seem to hold great power even if they don't have the King Star. For example, General Seo Il. Everyone in Daeho seems to fear this man yet we didn't even get to see him. Do people in Daeho fear General Seo Il because he has a large army or is it because he is a powerful mage like his ancestor, Seo Gyeong? I don't know. I'd thought with the appearances of Uncle Seo Yoon Oh and Queen Seo Ha Sun in Part 2, we would've at least gotten a chance to know more about this powerful yet mysterious family.
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Seo Gyeong
In this week's episodes, we learned something new about Seo Gyeong. According to Jin Mu, Seo Gyeong chose to move his clan far west to Seoho Fortress for the sake of unity. To the Royals, Seo Gyeong appeared threatening because he had the god like power of Hwansu which could be used to usurp them. Maybe Seo Gyeong actively chose to move his family to Seoho Fortress so they could thrive and grow. If Seo Gyeong hadn't moved his family to Seoho Fortress, the Royals probably at some point would've found some sort of justification to kill them all. And then there would be no more Seo clan. Additionally, maybe Seo Gyeong decided to move far away to Seoho Fortress because he was planning on eventually bringing Jin Seol Ran there to protect her by hiding her (maybe everyone was hunting her).
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What I don't get though is why the creation of Songrim didn't appear threatening to the Royals? After all, Seo Gyeong was leader of Songrim and therefore would've been in close proximity to the Royals. In addition, I didn't get why the Seo clan weren't allowed back into the capital following the death of Seo Gyeong. From my understanding at least, the Royals only feared Seo Gyeong and not so much his family. Therefore, the only reason I could think of is that the Royals know Seo Gyeong is still alive. Overall, there are still so many unanswered questions when it comes to this man and his family.
Water Wick
Does anyone else think the Seo Water Wick looks like a soul ejector? Or maybe it's just me. In terms of functionality, the Water Wick is the opposite of the soul ejector. Instead of ejecting souls, the Water Wick is able to house the energy of souls. I know many will say, the Water Wick does not contain souls. Yes it does! Recall from one of my previous posts, the word "ki" means soul/energy. On Netflix, they translated "ki" to "torrent of energy" which was funny. They could've simply translated it to Seo Yul's soul or Seo Yul's energy...oh well. In regards to the appearance of these Water Wicks, maybe Seo Gyeong decided to copy Choi Cheol's soul ejector design. I also find it interesting that these Water Wicks connected to lanterns…weren’t lanterns a Jin thing? Hmmm Seo x Jin connection?
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Seo Gyeong may have created these Water Wicks as a preventative measure to safeguard future generations of his family from becoming soul shifters. For example, Queen Seo Ha Sun. Her ass got caught for being a soul shifter because of these Water Wicks which were connected to her Seo Lantern of Life. Guess Seo Gyeong did not want his family to dabble in "sorcery".
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Other things I wonder is if you were to place placed someone's soul/energy inside these water wicks and then placed them into a dead body, what would happen? Would the dead body be revived? If so then these Water Wicks are like alternatives for soul ejectors. Maybe one wouldn't experience the nasty side effects of soul shifting if one were to use one of this water wicks in a dead body. Had the Hong Sisters done a better job at pacing, we could've known more about these interesting marbles!
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Turtle
Turtles...what more do I need to say about these creatures? Well, in asian culture, turtles are symbolistic of longevity and power. They're considered one of the four celestial animals (phoenix, white tiger, and azure dragon) in Chinese mythology. Additionally, shamans back in the day used to use their shells for divinations.
In the context of AOS, turtles can also refer to people who are at risk of dying (i.e. Seo Yul and Jin Bu Yeon). FYI, when the Crown Prince said, "we saved a turtle together", he meant Seo Yul.
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Going back to turtles in Chinese mythology, they're associated with the winter season, north cardinal direction, and water element. Jang Uk is basically the black tortoise. Just Google "Black Tortoise" if you're curious to know more. You know what star typically guides people when they're lost? The "North" Star otherwise known as "Polaris". This star is actually part of the "Little Dipper" constellation. What I think will end up happening is that Jang Uk will eventually sacrifice himself to save Jin Bu Yeon and everyone else. In return for his sacrifice/life, the skies will make him into an actual star in the night sky to forever guide people.
In the wrap up cake, there are two turtles seen on the ground while 1 turtle is in the sky which indicates 1 turtle is no longer on physically living on earth. If you look at the placement of the turtles, you can see they're in the direction of south, west, and north. The south turtle is Jin Bu Yeon (south/phoenix/summer season) while the west turtle is Seo Yul (west/white tiger/autumn season).
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The Truth Hurts
I've seen so many people hating either Seo Yul or Heo Yun Ok and I'm like y'all they're doing or saying the crap that no one else wants to. When it comes to Jin Bu Yeon, she wants to live in ignorant bliss. One really shouldn't live this way. Fact of the matter is that Jin Bu Yeon has many responsibilities and she can't keep ignoring them forever. For example, she will eventually have to take Mama Jin's place as leader of Jinyowon and protect the world from the relics. She will also have to deal with the firebird situation and ongoing drought among other things. And all these things require her to have full usage of her divine powers. Jin Bu Yeon can't come into her divine powers if she remains an ignorant pathetic love struck puppy who stays by Jang Uk's side all the damn time.
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I seriously don't know why so many viewers are hating on Heo Yun Ok. Maybe she shouldn't have splash that stuff in Jin Bu Yeon's face, but at the same time I'm glad she did. Why? Because otherwise Jin Bu Yeon would've kept ignoring the truth and continue to live in a bubble of ignorant bliss, never striving to become something more of herself. Heo Yun Ok and Seo Yul have different approaches when it comes to telling someone the truth. Heo Yun Ok is more brutally honest while Seo Yul sugarcoats things. For me personally, I would be more like Heo Yun Ok. I prefer to give it straight to people instead of beating around the brush. No one have got time for that! Overall, I think Heo Yun Ok genuinely cares for Jang Uk and truly doesn't want to see him get hurt again. As mean as Heo Yun Ok was to Jin Bu Yeon in this scene, it ultimately forced Jin Bu Yeon to face reality and go to Danhyanggot by herself to find out the truth.
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Jin Bu Yeon and Naksu Crap 2.0
I'm pretty much done with this whole mystery. Naksu is Jin Bu Yeon and vice versa. They're the same soul. Essentially, the scene below is just Jin Bu Yeon talking to herself. At the end of the day, "Naksu" is just a period that Jin Bu Yeon had gone through. Up until Jin Bu Yeon was 10 years old, she was herself then she got amnesia as a child and swapped bodies and became "Naksu" as an adult. Following this, she went back to OG body, but she didn't recognize it as being her own because she had been away from it for so long, making it seem foreign to her. Imagine if you lived in AOS and experienced what Jin Bu Yeon had and then went back to your OG body 10 years later. How would you even know this body was yours to begin with? You wouldn't. Bodies change especially from childhood to adulthood. Adding to this, Jin Bu Yeon was blind so how could she even know what she looked like as a child let alone an adult?
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I still can't believe the Hong Sisters had stretched out this crap until the last two episodes of this entire series. If there's one question I want to ask the Hong Sisters it's this: "What was your reasoning for why you couldn't have Naksu remember her real childhood memories (Jin Bu Yeon childhood memories) back in Part 1?".
Gwido
Before I start this section, I just want to say I seriously hate how the Hong Sisters are introducing new things and/or new pieces of information at the very last minute. What it feels like to me is the Hong Sisters completely forgot about things they introduced either in Part 1 or in the beginning of Part 2 and are now trying to hurriedly wrap them up by introducing new stuff. How does that make any sense? If you already know you are pressed for time to wrap things up, do not introduce new concepts. It's that easy! If you decide to do so, you're going to run into some problems such as making simple mistakes. For example, the whole 200 years comment made by the Crown Prince. Specifically, the Crown Prince said, "A Choi mage also died 200 years ago in there". Anyone see the error? I also made this same mistake in an earlier post, but recognized the mistake and fixed it when I tweeted on my Twitter account. Anyways, I'm allowed to make these mistakes just because I'm only a viewer and not the writers themselves. The Hong Sisters seemed to have completely forgotten 3 years had passed. Therefore, it should've been 203 years ago not 200 years ago. Little mistakes like this makes me believe the whole Gwido stuff was something made up at the very last minute. As you read further down, you'll begin to see how the introduction of the Gwido door/prison ultimately leads to more questions than answers. How can we solve current mysteries if we were not fully given information about the past?
I'm just going to briefly summarize what was said about Gwido. Within Cheonbugwan, there is a prison called Gwido. Jin Seol Ran was the one who created the door that led to the prison. The prison held those who performed sorcery. A Choi mage died in this prison 203 years ago. Once you enter this prison, you can never escape even as a ghost. What this means is that even if you die in this prison, your soul cannot travel to the sky or afterlife, you're trapped there and become a "wraith". In the context of AOS, wraiths are souls of those who performed sorcery and are trapped/unable to move on.
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Though they’ll probably not mention it, I do wonder who created the prison itself. We only know Jin Seol Ran created the door, but we don’t know who created the actual prison. Other questions I have is why build this prison in Cheonbugwan of all places? Why didn’t they choose to build this prison in Jinyowon or Songrim? I understand they probably didn't want to build this inside of Seoho Fortress for logistic reasons, but with Jinyowon and Songrim, they seemed closer to everything.
Other things to point out is there were three magical schools, Jinyowon, Songrim, and Cheonbugwan and three great mages/priestesses (Seo Gyeong, Choi Cheol, and Jin Seol Ran). If we know Jin Seol Ran was leader of Jinyowon and Seo Gyeong was leader of Songrim then it must mean Choi Cheol was the leader of Cheonbugwan right? Therefore, maybe it was Choi Cheol who built the prison. Putting everything together, maybe at one point Choi Cheol and Jin Seol Ran were friends given how she did build the door of the prison. So many questions remain though. Were these three people all friends and one of them (Choi Cheol) turned evil?
I also do wonder what the order of when all three schools were built. I am guessing Cheonbugwan was built first. Why? Because there had to be a place to read the stars to know a King Star would be born to end the chaos. After this, Songrim was built followed by Jinyowon. Below is just a brief summary of the purposes of the four places:
Cheonbugwan: Protect Daeho from chaos/destruction by seeing the future and preparing ahead of time Songrim: Place where people could gather together to learn regardless of their background Jinyowon: Protect the world from dangerous relics Seoho Fortress: Protect Daeho from enemies to the west and to provide unity by not being threatening to the royals
Ultimately, all these places were suppose to protect Daeho from any possible treats (both current and future) and maintain peace. What ended up happening though is one of these people decided to turn against the others for power.
Ice Stone, Seo Water Wick, Tracker, or Something Else?
When I'd initially saw the orb thing in the skeleton, I thought it was an Ice Stone. However, when comparing the orb to the Ice Stone, you'll realize they're not the same thing. The Ice Stone has uneven edges giving it a stone like appearance while the orb has completely smooth edges. The Ice Stone also has a white tint to it while the orb has almost a blue/turquoise tint. Now, the only spheres we have seen in AOS are soul ejectors, Seo water wicks, and stone in the Jinyowon bracelet.
What we haven't seen is what an Ice Stone looks like once it's in someone's chest for a long duration of time. Could it be that once an Ice Stone stays in someone for a long time, it changes colors and becomes smoother? It could also be that if you have an Ice Stone within you and swap bodies, the Ice Stone will follow you to your next body and this is what causes Ice Stone to physically change its appearance. I feel like the color associated with the Seo family is blue and the color associated with the Choi family is green. When you combine those colors you get a turquoise color like the Ice Stone we see in the skeleton. In all honesty, the Ice Stone looks like one big uncut diamond which hasn't been processed while the blue orb seen below looks like a processed diamond. The blue orb may just be a variation of an Ice Stone.
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Another idea I have is that this is a water wick containing Seo Gyeong's soul/energy. Maybe when Jin Bu Yeon touches it, she'll be able to see what happened 203 years ago. Anyways, who knows what this orb really this! For all we know, this orb could be a completely new concept the Hong Sisters decided to introduce at the very last minute to plug up some plot holes. For the remainder of this post, I am just going to assume this is an Ice Stone!
Identity of Skeleton
This section will be messy y'all just because the Hong Sisters didn't really provide us any background story of what happened 203 years ago. Anyways, let's get some things straight first. Up until this point of the series, the only person we knew who died is Jin Seol Ran. We didn't know what happened to Seo Gyeong or Choi Cheol. In Ep 28, we were told a Choi mage had died in Gwido. Since we live in the world of AOS where soul switching is possible, we should always ask ourselves whose soul is in any particular body.
Some say the skeleton is probably Choi Cheol, while others say it is Seo Gyeong, Jang Uk, Cho Yeong, or Jin Bu Yeon's skeleton. In regards to the last 3 possibilities, how would any of these bodies get transported inside Gwido in the first place? For this reason, I don't think this is Jang Uk, Cho Yeong, or Jin Bu Yeon's body. This leaves us with two body identities left....Choi Cheol or Seo Gyeong. Going back to what the Crown Prince said about how a Choi mage died in there, I think it's safe to assume the body at least is that of Choi Cheol. So whose soul was in this body? Choi Cheol or Seo Gyeong? I really don't know just because the Hong Sisters didn't give us the full backstory. Also the Hong Sisters didn't really elaborate whether the whole Ice Stone being inside someone is something exclusive to King Stars or can anyone have the Ice Stone within themselves as long as they're willing to sacrifice everything. In addition, they never told us what would happen if you decided to switch bodies while you initially had the Ice Stone within you. I'm just going to assume that because the Ice Stone is a soul stone and not body stone, once you switch bodies, the Ice Stone will follow you to your next body of choice.
In order to connect what characters said to what we saw, we have to consider the possibility there was some soul switching between Seo Gyeong (SG) and Choi Cheol (CC). Below are the two possibilities which could fit the two statements (Choi body died and Ice Stone inside of body).
A) SG Soul + CC Body and CC Soul + SG Body Escaped B) CC Soul + CC Body
Let's talk about choice "A". If this is true then the skeleton we are seeing here is Seo Gyeong's soul in Choi Cheol's body. Some might ask why would Seo Gyeong choose to do such a thing? Because he wanted to die. His lover was dead and the Ice Stone within himself became too much to bear. When Jin Seol Ran died, Seo Gyeong's option to die also went down with her. Meaning Seo Gyeong could not die because Jin Seol Ran was the only person who could remove the Ice Stone from him. However, maybe Seo Gyeong did figure out a way to die without Jin Seol Ran and this is where Choi Cheol comes into play.
Maybe these men were able to come together to save their future descendants. Given the Choi's were associated with divination, Choi Cheol could've be able to see the distant future and informed Seo Gyeong of this. These men then devised a plan to swap bodies with Seo Gyeong making the ultimate sacrifice by staying in Choi Cheol's body and dying inside of Gwido. Some will ask well if Seo Gyeong's Ice Stone followed him to Choi Cheol's body, why did Seo Gyeong still die? It could be because the Ice Stone needed to become activated (you can read further down to see how Ice Stones can become activated once in someone's body). The swap probably reset the Ice Stone that was attached to Seo Gyeong's soul so it became dormant. What was the whole point to all of this? To leave an extra Ice Stone for Jin Bu Yeon to find. Following this, Choi Cheol in Seo Gyeong's body could've escaped through some sort of backdoor only Seo Gyeong knew about. Maybe Jin Seol Ran had told Seo Gyeong about an escape route and then Seo Gyeong told Choi Cheol. Therefore, this would mean Choi Cheol is Master Lee Cheol and Seo Gyeong died a long time ago.
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Moving onto option "B". If this is Choi Cheol's soul in his own body, how did he ended up with the Ice Stone within him? Again, I am not sure if the whole Ice Stone in your body is something that is exclusive to King Stars or anyone can have the Ice Stone within them as long as they're willing to give up everything. Remember that Jang Uk only had the Ice Stone within him because he had been willing to sacrifice all of his energy to break the Ice Stone barrier to save everyone. Subsequently, the skies rewarded him for his bravery by placing the Ice Stone within him. If we are going with this is Choi Cheol's soul in his own body then maybe the story was that in the end Choi Cheol saw the errors of his way and tried to destroy the Ice Stone and for this honorable act, the skies placed an Ice Stone within him. Recall how in Ep 7, it did look like Choi Cheol was trying to destroy the Ice Stone since it was becoming vapor.
So if Choi Cheol had the Ice Stone within him, why did he still end up in the prison and dead? Probably because he still had to be punished for performing sorcery in the first place. As for the second part of the question, maybe Choi Cheol died because his Ice Stone did not become activated. Recall there are two ways to use the Ice Stone's powers once it's inside of you. The first being that you can train again to be able to use the Ice Stone's power. The second is to be killed and then burned. In this case, fire was the catalyst that activated the Ice Stone within Jang Uk. Going back to Choi Cheol, he may have been killed by the wraiths inside Gwido and without anyone to burn his body, the Ice Stone never became activated. With this option, there was no soul switching and Master Lee Cheol is Seo Gyeong.
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Do y'all see how complicated it is to try and figure this crap out with the limited amount of information we are given?! Even after analyzing everything, I'm still not completely 100% confident the identity of the skeleton or who Master Lee Cheol really is (Seo Gyeong or Choi Cheol). The only thing I'm certain about is that between these two men, only one lived.
I also think it was Master Lee who told Jang Uk and the Crown Prince about the secret back door of Gwido which allowed them to enter to rescue Jin Bu Yeon. Another thing that's throwing me off about Master Lee is his clairvoyant ability. He obviously can see the future which is why he's always 30 steps ahead of everyone else. Just from this trait alone, I would say Master Lee is Cheol Choi. However, this doesn't really explain why Seo Yul also has this ability. Either Seo Yul has this ability because his ancestor Seo Gyeong did too or Seo Yul has this ability because he is also a Choi. By this I mean after Choi Cheol swapped into Seo Gyeong's body, the descendants of "Seo Gyeong" inherited abilities of both Seo Gyeong and Choi Cheol.
Master Lee
Here's some other random things I want to talk about when it comes to Master Lee. When he told Seo Yul to "feign ignorance", I found it absolutely hilarious just because this is what Master Lee has been doing this entire time. This man has been parading around pretending he doesn't know anything when he literally KNOWS EVERYTHING. Also in this scene, Master Lee uses more reverse psychology on people. He told Seo Yul not to tell, but Seo Yul ended up blabbing anyways. Master Lee wanted Seo Yul to do this haha. Everything is going accordingly to Master Lee's plan. As I said previously, Master Lee wanted his two chess pieces to realize their destines and he can't accomplish his goal if people are constantly trying to kill them. Therefore, this is why Master Lee has been telling certain people different stories (i.e Mama Jin, Park Jin, Seo Yul, and Jin Bu Yeon).
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At the beginning of Part 2, I thought it was Jin Mu who had made the soul shifter run towards Jinyowon so Jang Uk could find Jin Bu Yeon, but now I'm pretty sure it was Master Lee all along. Master Lee was pushing these two together not for romantic purposes, but more for work related purposes. Jang Uk was instrumental to Jin Bu Yeon realizing her destiny. And before y'all say Master Lee is a Jang Uk/Jin Bu Yeon shipper, I don't really think he is. I think he's molding these two to separately become protectors of peace in Daeho. Keyword...separately. He wants these two to be at the top of their game and sure, they can help each other to grow as work partners, but not as romantic partners. These two have already proven to Master Lee they cannot balance love with work if they're romantically together. To help them both realize this, Master Lee chose to not intervene and allowed Jin Bu Yeon to stab Jang Uk in Part 1. Haha...."it is better to die than do nothing".....they did nothing so they died. Harsh Master Lee...so freaking harsh. These two are imbued with great powers to help save the world, not to sit around lazily doing nothing.
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Summary of Final Predictions/Thoughts/Other Random Things
War will break out between Songrim and Cheonbugwan. General Seo Il will finally show up to help with the war.
Bird egg will start to crack because of the chaos
Jin Bu Yeon will need the Ice Stone from Jang Uk's chest to bring back the rain or prevent the bird egg from hatching
Naksu=Jin Bu Yeon and Jin Bu Yeon= Naksu; Istg the Hong Sisters better not have Jin Bu Yeon become a weak human being that never does anything with her life. I'll be so disappointed if the Hong Sisters does this to her character. Anyways I’ve already explained it so many times now why Naksu and Jin Bu Yeon are the same soul. There was no two souls in one body. It was just one very confused soul in that body. You can refer to my previous posts where I’d explained how Jin Bu Yeon and Cho Yeong had swapped as kids and then swapped back as adults.
The Naksu/GYJ face disappears and the JBY/JSM face appears. Once JBY fully returns, she will have mastered Hwansu (the method of returning). JBY will testify against Jin Mu and he will be put into Gwido.
Jang Uk will die and become the North Star in the sky that guides people forever. Another theory is that Jang Uk and Seo Yul will swap. Meaning Seo Yul would die while Jang Uk's soul resides in Seo Yul's body. ISTG HONG SISTERS YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS!!!! Or they could make things even crazier and say Seo Gyeong's soul had split into two souls (Jang Uk and Seo Yul) and are brought together in Seo Yul's body.....um no...HONG SISTERS DO NOT GO DOWN THIS ROUTE EITHER!!!
Master Lee Cheol is Choi Cheol (Tbh I'm still on the fence about this..Master Lee Cheol could also be Seo Gyeong); I’m like 65% confident Master Lee Cheol is Choi Cheol. It’ll also be crazy if Seo Gyeong wasn’t the real King Star, but Choi Cheol was (parallels to how CP isn’t the real King Star and JU was).
Seo Yul x JBY endgame (YuBu couple); They’ll have twins and name the boy, Seo Uk and the girl, Jin Sol (My Korean friend came up with this! It goes with Seol and Seoyul pattern and “soul” sound). Maybe JBY will finally teach Seo Yul how to make pine pollen tea cakes (ref to Ep 18).
Other endgames: CP x Heo Yun Ok, Jin Cho Yeon x Park Danggu, and Kim Yeon x Park Jin
Houses and leaders: Jinyowon/Jin Bu Yeon, Songrim/Park Danggu, Seoho/Another Seo and Cheonbugwan/Seo Yul; If by some off chance Jinyowon gets destroyed (I really hope it doesn’t) then Jin Bu Yeon should be leader of Cheonbugwan.
One last super crazy and absolutely far fetch theory I have is this: Master Cheol Choi has been trying to resurrect SG and JSR. SG’s soul split into two (JU and Seo Yul) and JSR’s soul did the same (CY and JBY). Ultimately JU’s and Seo Yul’s souls merge and become “SG” and CY and JBY’s soul merge to become “JSR”. Then we get SG soul in Seo Yul body (MH body) and JSR soul in JBY body (JSM body). Everything would then come full circle…connecting events from 203 yrs ago, 23 yrs ago, and present time. This would be freaking crazy bc the Hong Sisters had never introduced the notion of reincarnation nor soul splitting in AOS. However, this theory would fit in line with the unity and unpredictable theme present in Part 2 while wrapping up all the loose ends. Probably won’t happen, but it would be a cool idea for someone to use to write a fan fiction haha. I’ll seriously laugh if the Hong Sisters decide to take this route.
The water wick kiss scene between Seo Yul and Jin Bu Yeon is probably a reference to gumiho’s fox kiss. Hong Sisters’ first big hit was “My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho”. In MGIAG, the FL gives her fox bead to the ML to save his life which is similar to what JBY did. Jin Bu Yeon’s character is almost like a mix between Phoenix and Gumiho. Also in MGIAG, the FL has blue eyes similar to JBY. Hong Sisters also borrowed some things from TOTNT.
Ok I'm pretty much done and dead haha! There are probably things I forgot to discuss....oh well!
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diilchasp · 1 year ago
Text
Life on Mars
Tracy K. Smith
1.
Tina says what if dark matter is like the space between people
When what holds them together isn’t exactly love, and I think
That sounds right—how strong the pull can be, as if something
That knows better won’t let you drift apart so easily, and how
Small and heavy you feel, stuck there spinning in place.
Anita feels it now as a tug toward the phone, though she knows
The ear at the other end isn’t there anymore. She’ll beat her head
Against the rungs of her room till it splits, and the static that seeps out
Will lull her to sleep, where she’ll dream of him walking just ahead
Beside a woman whose mouth spills O after O of operatic laughter.
But Tina isn’t talking about men and women, what starts in our bodies
And then pushes out toward anywhere once the joy of it disappears.
She means families. How two sisters, say, can stop knowing one another,
Stop hearing the same language, scalding themselves on something
Every time they try to touch. What lives beside us passing for air?
2.
Last year, there was a father in the news who kept his daughter
Locked in a cell for decades. She lived right under his feet,
Cooking food, watching TV. The same pipes threading through his life
Led in and out of hers. Every year the footsteps downstairs multiplied.
Babies wailing through the night. Kids screaming to be let outside.
Every day, the man crept down into that room, bringing food,
Lying down with the daughter, who had no choice. Like a god
Moving through a world where every face looked furtively into his,
Then turned away. They cursed him to his back. He didn’t hear.
They begged him for air, and all he saw were bodies on their knees.
How close that room. What heat. And his wife upstairs, hearing
Their clamor underfoot, thinking the house must just be
Settling into itself with age.
3.
Tina says dark matter is just a theory. Something
We know is there, but can’t completely prove.
We move through it, bound, sensing it snatch up
What we mean to say and turn it over in its hands
Like glass sifted from the sea. It walks the shore,
Watching that refracted light dance back and forth
Before tossing whatever it was back to the surf.
4.
How else could we get things so wrong,
Like a story hacked to bits and told in reverse?—
5.
He grabbed my blouse at the neck.
All I thought was This is my very best
And he will ruin it. Wind, dirt, his hands
Hard on me. I heard the others
Jostling to watch as they waited
For their turns.
They were not glad to do it,
But they were eager.
They all wanted to, and fought
About who would go first.
We went to the cart
Where others sat waiting.
They laughed and it sounded
Like the black clouds that explode
Over the desert at night.
I knew which direction to go
From the stench of what still burned.
It was funny to see my house
Like that—as if the roof
Had been lifted up and carried off
By someone playing at dolls.
6.
Who understands the world, and when
Will he make it make sense? Or she?
Maybe there is a pair of them, and they sit
Watching the cream disperse into their coffee
Like the A-bomb. This equals that, one says,
Arranging a swarm of coordinates
On a giant grid. They exchange smiles.
It’s so simple, they’ll be done by lunchtime,
Will have the whole afternoon to spend naming
The spaces between spaces, which their eyes
Have been trained to distinguish. Nothing
Eludes them. And when the nothing that is
Something creeps toward them, wanting
To be felt, they feel it. Then they jot down
Equation after equation, smiling to one another
Lips sealed tight.
7.
Some of the prisoners were strung like beef
From the ceilings of their cells. “Gus”
Was led around on a leash. I mean dragged.
Others were ridden like mules. The guards
Were under a tremendous amount of pleasure.
I mean pressure. Pretty disgusting. Not
What you’d expect from Americans.
Just kidding. I’m only talking about people
Having a good time, blowing off steam.
8.
The earth beneath us. The earth
Around and above. The earth
Pushing up against our houses,
Complicit with gravity. The earth
Ageless watching us rise and curl.
Our spades, our oxen, the jagged lines
We carve into dirt. The earth
Nicked and sliced into territory.
Hacked and hollowed. Stoppered tight.
Tripwire. The earth ticking with mines,
Patient, biding its time. The earth
Floating in darkness, suspended in spin.
The earth gunning it around the sun.
The earth we ride in disbelief.
The earth we plunder like thieves.
The earth caked to mud in the belly
Of a village with no food. Burying us.
The earth coming off on our shoes.
9.
Tina says we do it to one another, every day,
Knowing and not knowing. When it is love,
What happens feels like dumb luck. When it’s not,
We’re riddled with bullets, shot through like ducks.
Every day. To ourselves and one another. And what
If what it is, and what sends it, has nothing to do
With what we can’t see? Nothing whatsoever
To do with a power other than muscle, will, sheer fright? 
0 notes
rafescoke · 3 years ago
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Need To Know (Part 2) ; Rafe Cameron
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#Part 2 
#Part 1
Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader
Summary: Reader confronts Rafe about his past
Warnings: More angst, more flashback smut, substance, swearing, Rafe being a dick again
A/N: Thank you so much for the overwhelming love from my last post! I love you to the moon and back <3
p.s, my request box is always open for you to drop in any ideas!
“My god, you both look great.”
Rafe chuckled, too drunk to say anything, and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend of 4 months. The night breeze flew past everyone on the yacht as they strolled down the stream, moving their hips along to ‘Summer’ by Calvin Harris and trying to hear each other’s conversations over the loud music.
“Thanks, Tops,” (Y/N) smiled, feeling her body moving to the beat. She thought about the amount of drinks she had, but giggled when she had to recount again, and then frowned when she kept forgetting the number she ended on.
“What are you thinking?” Rafe whined, pulling her away from Topper who had his arms around another girl, trying to move on from his failed relationship with Sarah Cameron. He had told Rafe and (Y/N) that he have never felt better, but they both know the truth. He was completely wrecked after the breakup; when Topper found out about Sarah and a certain boy from the other side of the island, Rafe had to be there for him every single night until recently. He was too afraid of the things that Topper would do to himself.
“I can’t remember how many drinks I’ve had tonight,” she cried, tugging on his shirt as she placed her chin on his shoulder. Rafe laughed, patting her back before pulling her to face him.
“You had 8 shots. I had more.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, raising her brows. When she saw a smile slowly creeping onto his face, she groaned loudly.
“You always do this to me!” She grunted, but a tone of humor laced in her face. “God, I hate you.” She made a move to talk away, crossing her arms.
“No-” he shook his head, pulling her arm so that she will end right back into his arms again. He grinned when his tactic worked, “You don’t hate me. You love me too much.”
“Disgusting,” (Y/N) made a face, and stood on her toes to whisper into his ear. “Wanna do something?”
Rafe looked at her, and when he saw the sly smile etched onto her face, he kissed her fully on her lips, always admiring this side of her that she rarely shows to other people.
When he first found out about this opposite side of his girlfriend, Rafe couldn’t believe his eyes. He tried to convince himself that when she had asked to do coke with him for the first time that night, it was merely his imagination and not reality, but when she woke up next to him the next morning, the sun highlighting her hair and eyes, smiling shyly at him, he knew that it had, indeed, happened.
“You want to do coke?” he asked, forcing himself to keep his grin concealed. “Right now? In the middle of the party?”
(Y/N) hummed in response, and kissed his cheeks. “Please?”
Rafe didn’t answer her as he pulled her through the many dancing bodies to one of the back rooms in the yacht, trying to contain his excitement. The last time they had done this together ended up being one of the best nights of Rafe’s life, and he hoped to relive it again.
Rafe poured the intoxicating powder on the cold table, licking his pink lips as he separated them into four lines using his driver’s license. (Y/N) saw a glimpse of his handsome ID photo on the card, and tried to stop herself from kissing him. 
How could someone look so handsome in their driver’s license? It’s impossible.
(Y/N) licked the side of his face as he tried to balance the lines evenly, not able to contain her feelings anymore. She felt like having him for the rest of her life, and she can’t imagine spending her future with anyone else. 
“What was that for?” Rafe groaned, but he was smiling. (Y/N) wiped the already- drying wet mark on the side of his face with her sleeve, only to be stopped by Rafe’s fingers around her wrist.
“I didn’t say you could wipe it.”
(Y/N) giggled, kissing his cheeks as he returned back to his previous work. She wondered again on the never ending questions of why would Rafe choose her amongst the many girls who have tried to get his attention since forever, but her thought was disturbed by the sudden swift of Rafe’s lips against hers.
“Ladies first,” he whispered, handing her a rolled up hundred dollars bill. (Y/N) smiled, putting a light pressure on her left nostril using her pointer before dipping her head to inhale the substance.
She threw her head back, laughing when she could feel Rafe’s soft lips peppering wet kisses along her exposed neck. She closed her eyes against the warm feeling, her fingers running through his messy hair.
“Your turn, baby,” she giggled, stopping her boyfriend before they could provide a free show for everyone else. Rafe sighed, clearly unsatisfied, but he took the rolled up bill from her fingers and dipped his head.
Before he could inhale the white powder, he turned to look at her, a glinting mischief in his eyes. (Y/N) groaned, wanting to spend her hazy trip with her boyfriend instead of going ahead of him.
“What is it?”
“Lay on your back,” he said, not looking at her as he took out the extra mini ziplock bags. (Y/N) looked at him with a frustrated expression. “I swear to god, (Y/N), just fucking do it.”
(Y/N) sighed and laid her back against the sofa, trying to hold her skirt from lifting up and exposing her black thong she had bought beforehand. She widened her eyes when she felt Rafe’s cold rings grazing her skin, closing her eyes when she felt his hands slowly creeping towards her aching core.
“What are you doing?” She hissed, closing her legs quickly. “Rafe, we can’t do anything here.”
“Relax,” he whispered, pulling her legs apart again, and (Y/N) almost moaned from the sudden cold breeze nipping on her skin. She gripped on his wrist again, trying to remind and warn him about his next move at the same time.
Just by the glare that Rafe had given her, signaling that he wasn’t playing and he hadn’t got the time to joke around, she let go of his wrist, looking up to her boyfriend who was unlocking the mini bag.
She hissed when Rafe poured a perfect amount of cocaine on her lap, enough for him to get on by the night. She watched as he separated them into lines using his driver’s license again. She gulped, her heartbeat getting quicker.
“Stop moving so much,” Rafe grunted, focusing on perfecting the lines against her soft skin. After a few seconds of trying his best, he looked back to admire his work, licking his teeth.
“Oh my god, Rafe, you can’t be-”
“Shut up,” he said, taking the rolled up bill and dipping his head until he was on the same level as her head. She bit her lips, nervous. She threw her head back when Rafe inhaled a line, her heartbeat beating quicker than that time she tried to hide herself in Rafe’s closet from Rose. 
She could feel his fingers gripping her thighs, and she couldn’t deny the growing feeling inside her. Rafe chuckled, wiping his nose, and dipped his head back to the previous position.
“Rafe. . .” she whined, trying her best not to move around so much. The grip around her legs tightened, and she gritted her teeth as he placed wet kisses along her leg, ending directly before her desperate core.
“Oh my god,” she groaned, closing her eyes.
(Y/N) has experienced nothing of that sort, and the farthest thing they have done was fucking each other in Rafe’s hot tub that one drunken night. The last time she did coke with her boyfriend, no body parts were involved and it was only the two of them and her grandmother’s glass table.
Rafe chuckled, rubbing his nose as he resurfaced from his second last line, holding the rolled up bill between his fingers like a cigarette. “You like that, huh?”
“I’ve never wanted you to fuck me so bad before,” she said, groaning as she tried to keep her legs still for Rafe to inhale that one last line, but she knew he wouldn’t make her life that easy.
She watched as he kissed the inner of her thighs, going upwards, placing more kisses on her hips and again, directly halting before her core. Rafe could see the wet mark on her thongs, and could feel himself getting harder. 
“Please,” she begged, looking at him with her innocent eyes, her fingers wrapping around his wrist. “Please, Rafe, baby, please.”
“As you wish, princess.”
She went into another unexplainable feeling as he did his final line, and then  giving her more wet kisses along her thighs and lastly, that resulted her into jerking her body upwards towards his chest; he placed a strong kiss on her clothed core. 
Rafe laughed, watching her pressed herself against him, trying to find any kind of friction. “Relax, baby. I thought you wanted me to stop?”
“Fuck you,” she whispered, before climbing onto his lap and attacking him with kisses. 
“Okay-” he said in between kisses, “Fine-” more kisses, “Fuck me.”
(Y/N) groaned, feeling his hard member all pushed up against her as she kept on attacking him with kisses. This is exactly the problem; he would tease her and she would just not stop. 
“People are watching, baby,” he whispered, stopping her fingers from unzipping his jeans. They were both breathing really hard, and (Y/N) leaned closer to his ear.
“Let them.”
He groaned as she finally unzipped his pants, exposing his throbbing penis against the night air of North Carolina. He tried to pull his and (Y/N)’s body downwards by an inch to hide their ungodly behaviour behind the table, but was caught off guard when (Y/N) gripped his fingers, halting his movement.
“I said let them watch.”
Rafe wasn’t sure if it was the drugs that took over her or it was just another side of her that she was finally exposing to him, but he couldn’t deny the excitement coursing through his veins. This was every teenage boy’s wet dreams, and Rafe couldn’t believe the fact that he was finally experiencing it.
Before he could prepare himself, he felt her sink into him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her forehead against his as she panted to reach her end. Rafe held her waist, not putting any pressure and letting her take control completely. He watched as she bit her lips, placing quick kisses against his neck.
“I love you, oh my god,” she said as she pushed herself down onto him, closing her eyes to concentrate on the familiar feeling growing in her stomach. “My perfect boy.”
“I’m close,” he shuddered, this time thrusting his hips against her to quicken the pace, feeling his end reaching. He didn’t care about the crowd that was starting to form near them; he was happy and content with the girl who was a moaning mess on top of him.
“Fuck-” she screamed as he released himself into her, falling against his chest to catch her breath. Rafe placed a lazy kiss against the top of her head as she grunted, too tired to even remove herself. 
“I wanna do coke with you every single night,” she whispered involuntarily as Rafe pulled her up, finally finding the strength to do so. He fixed her dress for her as she rested her head against the sofa, feeling so close to doze off for the night. Rafe smiled, tucking a strand of her hair before buttoning his jeans back again. He kissed her cheeks as she sighed, intertwining their fingers. 
“I’ll always love you, okay?” he said, but she was too tired to say anything back. She whispered something back, and Rafe laughed in return, and the night continued with her head against his chest as they snuggled up close on the sunbathing area. When the clock struck 12, they watched the fireworks decorating the night sky, and Rafe swore he had never seen anything more beautiful than (Y/N) under that glowing sky that particular night.
“Happy birthday, my love,” Rafe whispered, before placing a longing kiss on her lips.
(Y/N) woke up with a start.
She heard noises coming from her window, and she groaned before making her way towards the light. Her feet tapped lightly against her carpeted floor, feeling the cold temperature coming from outside.
Great. Just the person she wanted to see.
“Let me in, baby, please,” Rafe said against her window, fogging her glass. “Please? Let me explain myself.”
(Y/N) held her middle finger up to him before returning to her bed, watching the panicking boy from the corners of her eyes.
How could he climb up to her room after all the things he did to her?
“Oh my god-” she heard him speak, “It’s cold out here. Please? Let me in.” 
(Y/N) tried to block out his voice as she placed her pillows against her ears, but when she kept hearing his pleads, she couldn’t shake the bad feeling in her heart. She stood up from her bed, watching Rafe struggling to hold on to a branch, and opened the window, all while silently cursing to herself.
Rafe quickly shut the windows and sighed as he got used to the warm atmosphere, his eyes following the girl as she returned back towards her bed. Rafe stayed shut, following her actions, and sat beside her limp body.
“I’m-”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she cut him off, and Rafe watched as she shifted to get comfortable. She wasn’t looking at him, and Rafe felt a pang of pain across his heart.
“Please, baby, you deserve an explanation.”
(Y/N) stayed quiet, and Rafe took the silence as an agreement. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, trying to find his voice; because this is exactly the problem -
He didn’t know how much more (Y/N) had heard from his ex’s mouth, but based on the quick summary that she had given him through the phone call an hour ago, everything that she told him was true.
Because he was stupid. He was selfish, and he didn’t believe in the idea of falling in love with some and making great memories with them. Life simply wasn’t that way to him - 
All he cared about was sex and drugs, and his ex filled that exact cravings in him. He grew attached, but (Y/N) had taught him love. She taught him all the things that he didn’t know existed in him before.
“It’s true,” was all he said.
He grimaced as (Y/N) let out a shrill laugh, and stayed shut right after. He felt the need to caress her but decided against it, knowing that she will probably push him off.
“And I’m sorry. I was stupid, okay? I didn’t mean any of that. God, I wish I can turn back time and did everything differently because god, I was so fucking stupid and I hate seeing you cry because of me.”
Rafe could feel his own tears crashing down. The last time he had cried this hard was when Ward yelled at him, saying how useless he is and that he will never be proud of him, but (Y/N) was there for him during that time to calm him down. 
Now he’s alone.
“God, (Y/N), you give me love and you’ve taught me how to love and- and, I can’t let you go now, oh my god, I can’t-” he took a deep breath, “Not when I love you too much.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered, and Rafe felt like killing himself at the sound of her voice in pain. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” She repeated, louder this time.
“I was scared,” he whispered back. “I wish I can take your pain away.”
“Rafe-” she sat up, her eyes puffy and red from the never ending tears since she fled the party. She looked at the boy she loves, and felt a sudden wave of emotion for the thing she was about to say.
“Can we stop seeing each other for a while? Can we take a break?”
“What?” Rafe shook his head, his fingers trembling. “No. No. You are not hearing yourself. No.”
“Rafe, please,” she cried, gripping onto her bedsheet. “Give me time to think. I can’t think about all this, just let me breathe!”
“You can’t let me go, (Y/N),” he whispered, trying to connect their fingers like always. When he saw her slipping her hand into her covers, he let out a breath.
“It’s too cold for you to go home. You can sleep in here, with me.”
“Don’t do this to me,” he said again, getting closer. When she flinched, he used all of his energy not to let out a yell, knowing that it would cause her to leave him for good.
“Just give me time. To think. Okay?”
“I love you,” he whispered, “I’ll wait. However long it’s going to take, I’ll wait.”
She didn’t return his affection and Rafe waited a few more seconds for her to mutter the words back. He took a deep breath before standing up, limping towards her window again.
“Rafe, you can stay here. Don’t make this any harder for me.”
But he left anyway, and (Y/N) was frozen in her position as she stared at his previous space on her bed, his scent slowly evaporating into the air. She couldn’t believe it; she lost him. She lost every inch of him, the only boy she truly loves.
She cried again against her pillows, missing her boy.
#Part 3
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hanatiny · 4 years ago
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[4:04] Heart Not Found
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a/n // disclaimer: I’d like to make it clear that I neither condone nor endorse any of the behavior described in this fic. Each of the characters acknowledges that it is beyond unacceptable and unjustified; this is merely meant to be an experimental look at the psychological processes within a yandere’s mind. Furthermore, this work is purely fictional and I do not claim to personally know exactly how any of the ateez members behave.
a/n: If there’s anything potentially triggering that I have forgotten to list in the warnings, please let me know and I’ll fix my mistake asap!! thank you <3
pairing: yandere!San x genderneutral!reader x pianist!boyfriend!Hongjoong
genre: angst
word count: 2602
warnings: non-idol AU, murder, descriptions of injuries, mentions of blood and death, mentions of knives, San is highly obsessive in this, he threatens the reader but doesn’t actually hurt them, kidnapping, trespassing, swearing, I did my best to keep the violence as vague as possible
-----
It was around 3am and you had yet to return home, and to say San was unnerved about this fact would be a massive understatement.
It wasn’t unusual for you to get home when it was already dark outside but it was never after midnight, much less in the early morning hours it was approaching now.
San tapped his fingers against the glass of his window anxiously as he watched the streets below attentively. You had turned off your phone a while ago, or at least that was the conclusion he drew after he stopped getting a signal from the tracker he had secretly managed to install on your phone.
3:12... why weren't you home yet?
His jaw went tense when he finally caught sight of you a few excruciatingly long minutes later, and he absolutely fumed as he saw you holding hands with another man he had never seen before in his life- he paused.
He did recognize the man, as none other than the pianist Kim Hongjoong who had been gaining quite a bit of popularity in the recent months. Kim Hongjoong, who he had gone to high school with until the older dropped out to focus on his career instead.
San didn't care much for that though, because a pretty face and a talent like Hongjoong's didn't mean he could love and care for you like you deserved it.
San believed that only he could give you everything you needed and wanted, and everything beyond that. Which was exactly why he was seeing red, punching the wall next to himself angrily. It caused his knuckles to bleed from the force behind the action, but the rage he felt overshadowed his pain.
Why didn’t you realize you were destined to be his and his alone? That you shouldn’t go whoring yourself out to other men? That only he should be the one to hold you in his arms, the one to protect you from everyone and everything.
He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why you couldn’t feel his attraction to you, why you insisted on turning a blind eye to him and found him “weird.” That’s what he assumed to be the case, at the very least.
San loved you, why was that so damn difficult for you to understand?
His narrowed eyes flickered over to the knife resting on his bedside table, and he had it clutched tightly in his bleeding hand within the blink of an eye.
He darted down the stairs without a second thought, blinded by the rage he felt deep within himself.
Meanwhile, outside, you were hugging your boyfriend goodbye for the night. His dark eyes shone innocently as he kissed your nose affectionately, causing you to giggle while still having your hands intertwined.
“So I’ll pick you up at 10 tomorrow for brunch, yeah?”
“Sounds good, Hongjoongie~ I’ll see you then.” You playfully blew him a kiss before he turned and walked off into the night, rounding the corner shortly after.
It was San’s time to strike, using your distracted state of mind to creep up behind you and tightly wrap an arm around your torso while he held the knife to your throat in warning.
You didn’t recognize his voice at first when he whispered into your ear, your brain much too clouded from the feeling of fear filling you, “If you make any sound at all, I’ll personally slit your throat and cut your vocal cords. You don’t want to lose an angelic voice such as yours, do you~?”
Realizing your situation was hopeless due to the unexpected amount of strength the man holding you possessed, you stopped trying to kick him and wrestle yourself free. This was the only answer he needed, starting to take slow and deliberate steps backwards from your house over to his. His hold on you remained tight, borderline suffocating even, just in case you would dare to get bold and try something.
He had left his door slightly ajar, kicking it shut behind him once he had finally brought you inside of his living space.
You still found yourself unable to figure out the identity of the man who had burst into your comfort zone out of nowhere but you didn’t want to find out what he was capable of doing to you if you attempted to resist whatever he was in the process of doing and pinpoint who he was, considering the amount of ease with which he snuck up and took hold of you just a few minutes ago.
Casually dropping his knife onto a nearby cupboard, he led you down the hallway of his house to a spacious bedroom. It was then a figurative lightbulb went off in your head and the fog clouding your mind cleared, upon seeing certain pieces of furniture he had placed in the room.
You had been here before. You had been in this house before when he had just moved in and his furniture was all over the place, he was the ‘cute neighbor’ who had offered you some coffee and invited you over to ‘get to know each other a little.’ Now all you needed to do was remember his name- it clicked. You remembered.
His grip on you (probably purposely) loosening, you whirled around and took a few steps away from him. San didn’t seem all too fazed by it though, simply grinning knowingly at you and crossing his arms while you did your best to subtly gain proper awareness of your surroundings.
It seemed like he noticed, however, because that was when he finally spoke up again.
“I was wondering how long it’d take you to recognize me, love. You know who I am, don’t you~?” His tone was so calm that it unsettled you to the point of having to avert your eyes, your head hanging low as you nodded hesitantly, hardly even noticing his use of the pet name.
“I knew it...~” San’s voice trailed off into a purr that you weren’t sure how to feel about, deciding that being wary was likely the smartest thing you could do in your current situation.
Too lost in thought, you didn’t realize he had stepped closer to you while you were internally debating with yourself, pleased that you seemed to remember what he said about speaking.
“Now, I have something to take care of for a little bit... I trust that you’ll be good and not leave this room.” Although a smile was painted on his features, it didn’t make his tone sound any less threatening. Not willing to find out what might happen if you didn’t react, you nodded once more.
“That’s my good dove~” All of it disgusted you - from the way he cooed at you, over the way his lips twitched upwards into a grin, to the way he looked at you like you were the only person in this twisted world.
You hated it and yet there you stood, in the middle of this sicko’s bedroom, frozen with uncertaintly and fear. You only scarcely resisted the urge to punch him in the face, watching closely as he left a few moments later and closed the door behind himself.
You heard him lock it as well, heaving a shaky sigh when you believed him to be out of earshot.
Your body shook with rage, how did he have the audacity to just kidnap you like that and walk away like he didn’t commit a goddamn felony? Your first instinct was to break something, and you figured that the window might be the first best thing - just in case it’d give you an opportunity to escape.
Looking around, you were quick to find a small hammer in a drawer. You swung it against the glass with every bit of force you could muster, only for the object in your hand to bounce back without leaving even so much as a crack. Dumbfounded by the fact that San had even reinforced his windows to keep you from leaving him, clearly having planned this for a while, you dropped the hammer next to you and sank to your knees.
You curled in on yourself, sobs wracking your body as you were forced to come to terms with the reality that you were trapped. Trapped in this room, trapped with your not-so-innocent-and-sweet neighbor.
Meanwhile, San’s steps were hurried as he sought out your boyfriend’s house, knife in hand while he occasionally glanced at his phone. It probably wasn’t very smart of Hongjoong to have his personal address publicized for fan mail purposes, considering how easily it could be exploited by people like San.
He should’ve been freezing out in the cold air at 3:35 in the very early morning, but the blood practically boiling in his veins kept him from being affected by it much. It was almost too easy for him to trespass onto the desired property when he finally reached it, breaking the lock on the door effortlessly with the blade of his knife.
Hongjoong had a habit of staying up as late as it was humanly possible, and it was rather common knowledge that he sometimes didn’t even sleep at all. As such, San was not the least bit surprised to faintly hear someone playing the piano when he stepped into the house as quietly as he could.
He followed the sound, eventually coming to a large room filled with a variety of instruments of different sizes. In the middle was, as San had to begrudgingly admit, a beautiful piano. Its seat was occupied by his very target, Hongjoong, who was aware of the younger man’s presence and let his fingers press against the black and white keys once more.
The sound the action produced was so disharmonious that it made San physically cringe as he stared the young pianist down, the latter of whom finally lifting his head with a deep, exasperated sigh.
“This is about y/n, isn’t it? I’ve noticed the way you look at-”
“You saw nothing! You know nothing! Do you have any fucking clue how painful it is to see the one you love with someone else, to not even have them spare you a single glance because of how little they care about you?” San was furious at this point, blinded by his rage, Hongjoong flinching and recoiling in his seat at the harsh tone employed by the other male as he continued, “I know you don’t. You were always the prodigy and excelled at what you did, got everything you wanted so easily... including the one thing I wanted too. I can’t live with that, and neither will you.”
“I-I didn’t- That’s not-” Hongjoong stammered, trying to defend himself before quickly realizing it was a futile endeavor when he saw San lunging at him with his knife clutched tightly in his hand. His reflexes were fast as he tried to reach for a nearby violin to whack the latter unconscious with but the crazed younger was, to his demise, much faster and pinned him to the surface of his piano while the keys beneath him produced another dissonant sound.
It didn’t exactly help that San was not only taller but also more muscular than Hongjoong, so the latter’s tries to wiggle and struggle free were for nothing. He groaned in pain as the wooden edges of his instrument forcefully dug into his skin; he clawed at it, but to no avail. He had no chance against San.
Despite knowing how hopeless it was for himself, Hongjoong refused to go down without a fight and proceeded kick and scream in San’s hold, “You’re making a huge m-mistake-”
His vision spun before going black, his pleas going silent while his body went limb. Everything stopped, except for San. He continued to stab and mutilate the older until he deemed it enough and was satisfied, stepping backwards after. He got what he came here for. Taking a quick picture with his phone to show to both you and the police what had taken place (although he’d come up with an alibi for the authorities, of course), he backtracked his steps and left the house as fast as his feet would take him.
Still under the safe and dark blanket of the night, he made his way back to his own house. Making sure to hide the bloody knife where no one would find it, he cleaned himself off briefly before he got an idea for how he could use the ‘souvenir’ he brought for you.
You jumped slightly in your spot on San’s bedroom, curled up and hiding your face behind your knees even now, when you heard him slam the front door shut which signalled you that he had returned from whatever he was out doing. You feared the worst as you listened carefully, presuming the noise he was making to be coming from his kitchen.
You looked up when the bedroom door clicked open and San entered, a smug and satisfied grin on his face as he moved to set a jar on the bedside table before crouching in front of you.
“I’m home, bunny. Did you miss me~?” His falsely innocent, sweet tone was still something you despised, although you felt genuine fear for what he could do to you simply by looking at the tiny smudge of blood lingering on his cheek, so you nodded obediently.
“Good. I just had to have a little chat with your pretty boy, and look what he gave me~!” San cheerfully nudged his head towards the bedside table, and the sight you were met with made you feel sick to your stomach.
What you assumed to be Hongjoong’s bloody heart. In a jar. You kept glancing back and forth between him and the object, gaping at him in both shock and disbelief of what he had done.
“What do you think of it, love? Pretty, isn’t it~? Go on, tell me.” He encouraged you softly, "You told him he had your heart right? Now you have his forever!” He chirped, and your voice was shaky as you spoke.
“Y-you monster!” You exclaimed, cursing yourself internally for your stuttering as you cursed at him, “You heartless bastard, you didn’t have to kill him!”
“I didn’t want to kill him,” he admitted softly, looking down as if he felt any sense of remorse for any of his actions within the last hour or so, “but he left me no choice. He refused to break up with you. He refused to let me love you without... all this.” He gestured vaguely, pulling out his phone to show you the photo he took, “He refused to let me have even one thing I wanted for myself, even though he always got whatever he wished for. Desperate times require desperate measures, I had no choice...”
San trailed off, your own face paling at the realization that Hongjoong had been murdered because of a petty rivalry of sorts from the past that San had yet to let go of.
Feeling lightheaded by the abundance of information swimming in your already aching head, you blacked out. When you came to your senses again, it appeared to be morning and San was making noise in another room.
Tears wet your face as you shakily reached for your phone, wishing you hadn’t because the very first notification you opened was a headline you had prayed wouldn’t be reality, accompanied by the very picture San had taken the previous night.
“Up and coming pianist Kim Hongjoong brutally murdered in his home last night; investigations still ongoing”
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simsadventures · 4 years ago
Text
Gilded: Chapter 1: To Bride or Not to Bride
Mob! Steve x Reader
Summary: Your life is a mess and you need a little help from time to time. But, when somebody proposes a plan to rid you of all your problems all the way to the far future, you’re suddenly not so sure it is worth it. Especially since the plan is proposed to you by the most notorious gangster America has seen since Al Capone: Steve fucking Rogers. 
Warnings: mafia AU, swearing (like, a lot this time), angst, struggles with money, loan-shark, sleazy men, harassing
Word Count: 7969
A/N: It’s finally here! It only took me around 6 months to bring it, and I apologise for the delay, but I hope I will make up for it with introductory this chapter :) Share your thoughts, let me know what you thought and what do you think will happen next :) xx
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Series Masterlist __ Masterlist 
“Just, wait a second,” you said, your brows knitting together as you tried to piece together all the information the man in front of you had just given you. He was gorgeous, there was no question about that, but that wasn’t the issue here. There were many gorgeous people in New York, and you didn’t marry any of them. Yet, that was. 
“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction. 
“I told you, honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing. 
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2 weeks ago
“Coming!” You yelled through the loud music at the guests seated by the table number 5 where a group of guys was seated, hollering at you every two seconds as if you didn’t hear them the first time. You rolled your eyes at your colleague, who just laughed under her breath as you strode towards the clients. You put on your best fake smile as you approached them, and from the whistles, you assumed they appreciated it. 
“Thank God you came, sweets. We thought you were getting tired of us,” the loudest of them laughed, and the group followed his suit, making your clench your jaw even more. Oh, how you hated this type of men, who had nothing better to do than calling a woman pet-names, making her feel uncomfortable just so his friends could have a laugh and a story to tell. 
“What can I get you, gentleman? Another round of the same?” You asked as sweetly as you could, but it was getting harder by the second as they all eyed you like a piece of raw meat, ready to be devoured. 
“I mean, that would be nice, and could you serve us a piece of that sweet ass of course as well? We’d really appreciate it, pretty face,” the loud guy smirked sleazily, and you fought the urge to vomit in your face. One of the guys made the mistake of actually making a move to swat you across your butt, but your reflexes were quicker. 
You took a step back and breathed in, trying to calm your beating heart. This was, however, nothing new in your line of work, and you just learned to ignore it, or, at best, politely turn them down. Because, as you learned very early on, the manager didn’t appreciate if his “girls” were nasty to his customers. He almost made it sound like you were to provide your bodies with the beers, but you told him straightforwardly that that wouldn’t happen, and if his pub was one of these, you wanted to have nothing to do with it. All you were there to do was to work the evening and night shift to get some extra money on top of your regular job, and that was it. He even made a few remarks how he wanted you all to himself, but you politely declined every time and just tried to ignore it altogether.
“This ass is not for sale, I’m sorry, boys. But, the vodka shots are coming right up,” you tried to give them your best wink but didn’t wait long enough to see if they accepted their loss or not. You genuinely didn’t care. 
The night continued in a similar manner, some people being inappropriate and you just ignoring their behaviour, and some people actually nice, even leaving you a few tips which always made you smile. You were beat when it was 11, and your shift ended, and you were thrilled today wasn’t one of those days when you had to stay there till 4 AM. It was then that people got really disgusting and you even had to resolve to hit a guy this one time because otherwise, you were pretty sure he’d manage to rape you. You sighed at the memory as you continued on your way home, just now remembering you left the tips meant for you in your locker.
Sighing you turned around and walked back towards the bar, and when you were in, you noticed three men in black suits talking to your coworker, who looked stunned and scared at the same time. You cocked a brow at her, and she discreetly shook her head, telling you that you shouldn’t come nearer. 
This time, you really frowned and looked around, but the rest of the pub looked exactly the way you left it, even with the assholes by the fifth table. But you listened to her and took a step back to one of the dark corners, watching what was going on by the bar. It didn’t take long, definitely not longer than 5 minutes before the men turned around and left the building. 
Your coworker looked positively alarmed by now, and you almost ran to her to ask what the fuck did just happen. 
“I have no idea, Y/N. I noticed them by table 10 like an hour ago, but I didn’t pay them any attention because that was Christy’s sector tonight and I had the veranda. And when you left they just came here asking about you,” she breathed out, and it was your turn to look alarmed. 
“The fuck? Why would they ask about me when it was Christy who took care of them?” You screeched, your brain not really comprehending the situation. 
“I have no fucking idea, Y/N. But, like, they asked your name and stuff, and like, if you were a regular waitress here or what. I didn’t want to tell them anything, I swear, but they didn’t take no for an answer. So I just told them your first name, I wouldn’t budge on your last, I promise, and told them that you sometimes worked here but that I didn’t know when was your next shift,” she finished, a little scared of your reaction now, but from the look of those guys, you knew they were bad news and that Anja did the best she could.
“Nah, it’s ok, An. I would do the same. I’m really grateful that you didn’t give them my last name, though, that was really thoughtful of you,” you smiled at her, and it obviously put her at ease as she hugged and hurried back to the veranda, where you both saw a few guests waving that they needed a refill. 
The hell did just happen, and why would three mysterious men ask about you? 
It couldn’t be that they found out, right? No… you made sure all the traces were hidden, forever, so, that wasn’t an option. 
No, you told yourself, there must be another reason for them to ask about you. But you didn’t want to find out. It was a one-time thing, these men were just confused, or one of them liked you or something like that, and you would never see them again. This actually calmed you down enough to start functioning again, and you remembered that you came for something specific, took the money and went straight home. 
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“This can’t be happening,” you muttered as you looked over your bills. There was so much to pay and so little money on your account that you actually started to sweat. You worked two jobs and still wasn’t able to afford to live a life where you didn’t have to worry about money. What was more, with the high taxes, your rent, subway card and food you went into red numbers, and that was something you definitely didn’t want. Nobody told you that as an Arts Major, you could still be struggling to stay alive in the city of New York. 
You went over the bills again even though you knew your math was correct and that you didn’t have enough to pay your landlord this month. 
Fuck, you muttered again and considered your options. You could ask your friends, but you didn’t want to bother them since you knew they were struggling as much as you were. You shared your apartment with two of your best friends who you considered a family by now, Caroline and Aidan. And while you knew they would do anything to help you, neither of their jobs paid enough to be able to help you as much as you needed this month. 
Your other option was asking your landlord to give you some more time before more money arrived, but just imagining the conversation gave you goosebumps because you could picture the kind of service he’d want from you, and you’d literally rather go and beg on the street than to sleep with that middle-aged pig. 
So, as you summarised it, the only option remained the loan shark. Tony was actually a nice guy, once you got to know him, and he was nice to you because you always paid precisely what he told you to when he told you to, and never asked too many questions or begged for more time. You were smarter than that, and, besides, you’ve seen too many movies with loan sharks to know what could happen to you. 
The first time you went to him was probably 2 years ago, straight from university when you still thought you could make it big in New York. Well, safe to say that you didn’t make it, and while you remained hopeful, you had bigger problems than becoming a renown painter, like not starving to death and other fun stuff like that. 
You were awfully scared to go to Tony, he had a reputation of being kind of an ass, but people also said that, compared to the other guys in the business, he actually had the fairest demands, and as you had no other choice, you just went to him. And because life was a bitch, you ended up going there on more occasions. Tony was kind enough always to lend even small amounts of money because you really didn’t need 100K. No, you always need like 1 or 2 thousand, and while the other loan sharks turned people like you down, Tony didn’t, and he never wanted more than like 400$ as a return, which seemed quite fair as the other guys always wanted 100% or more. 
Well, Tony, it was, as you sighed looking around your room, thinking how you even got where you were. But there was no time to waste pitying yourself, and so you shot Tony a quick message, as you always did, and to no surprise, he was very quick to respond that you should come by later that afternoon. 
You were just getting ready when Aidan burst through your door. He stopped mid-step, looking at you confusedly because you didn’t tell him you were going somewhere. 
“Got a date or what? You never go out on Saturday afternoon, not if you can help it,” he said sceptically, looking around the room as his eyes landed on the fumbled papers on your table, and the look of realisation hit him. 
“You going to Tony again? Y/N, we told you, we can help you, babe! Let us help just this once, please?” He pleaded with you even though he knew it was useless. 
“C’mon, babe, you know you and Caroline are not making much either, and you’re both glad to get by another month. Tony is like an old friend by now, really. I don’t mind it that much, and it’s definitely a better option than burying you two with me under this pile of shit,” you huffed as you finished applying mascara, but you didn’t even check yourself in the mirror, really not caring that much how you looked. You went to Manhattan just to meet Tony and would go straight back, quick mission, in and out. 
“You need to find a better job, Y/N,” Aidan smirked at you, and you just laughed because you both knew it was pretty much impossible, especially since you loved your day job with the only issue that it paid like shit. 
“You know this is my chance to be close to art and I really want it. I mean, it could happen that they promote me from being a receptionist to like, I dunno, being a secretary to one of the curators of the gallery, right?” 
He just huffed and kissed the top of your head, striding towards the door. It was only then that you noticed he was dressed to go out as well. 
“And where are you going, mister?” You asked with a mother-like tone, and he just laughed, turning around as if he was caught in the act. 
“So, you remember John?” He asked, sitting on your bed, and you actually laughed out loud at him. 
“Which one? I mean, there has been so many Johns and Peters that I swear to God I’m starting to think there are only men called John and Peter in the whole fucking New York. So, more info, babe, please,” you scooted to him and listened to which John it actually was he was meeting and was pretty excited about this. This was John the Ballet dancer, and he looked really nice, so far. 
John the Fake Mobster was a lying bastard, John the Hairdresser wanted Aidan for just that one thing but would never admit it, and then you didn’t even have John-the for the guys because they were all just idiots who didn’t see your best friend for what he was: an amazing, although a little extra person with a very good heart, great sense of humour and amazing hair. 
“Alright, well, you know the drill. Keep your phone on data so we can use Find your Friend if needed, keep your eyes open for anything sketchy going on, but, most importantly, enjoy yourself, babe. I’ll see you tonight,” you hugged him tightly and walked out of the apartment and into the busy streets. 
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If it were all up to you, you’d live in a secluded place, somewhere in the north probably, like outside Seattle, where you’d have a lovely little house, maybe by a river or by the ocean or something, where you’d have enough inspiration for your art and where you wouldn’t be annoyed by the little things, like the car horns blaring all the way to the night, people shouting underneath your bedroom’s window, and little things like that. 
But life was not a factory for fulfilled wishes, and you had to endure another day trying to make it in New York. You thought about all of this as you walked down the street to where you knew you could find Tony. You weren’t happy that you had to go to him, again, but you also knew that you didn’t need to worry anymore. You would have the money for your landlord by the end of the week, and when the gallery paid you, you would pay Tony back. Again. 
“If it isn’t my favourite girl!” You heard a familiar voice hollering from the shop, and you laughed lightly as you walked into the pawnshop Tony had set up in the lower Manhattan. 
“Hello to you too, Tony. Today a yellow day, or what?” You greeted him as you looked at his outfit, which was just a canary yellow tracksuit and a matching hat. He looked like a character from a bad movie, but you knew better than to say anything like that. 
“Yellow is very classy and trendy, thank you very much! Yesterday I wore this really nice green velvet tracksuit, and you should have seen some ladies walking by, they almost ate me with their eyes! I swear!” He added as he saw you stifling a laugh, but you just nodded in fake understanding, and both of you shared a relaxed laugh. 
“So, what can I do for you today, sweetheart?” He drawled, and you shuffled on the spot, always feeling slightly uncomfortable when it came to this part. 
“I need a thousand this week. Ton. I’ve been working my ass off, but the bills keep building up, and every time I think I’m out of it and I can live normally, there is always something holding me back,” you sighed, scratching your arms which was a nervous habit of yours that Tony grew quite fond of. 
He was almost sorry for saying the next thing, but this was way above his pay grade, and while he really did take some liking to you, and he would always give you enough time to pay him off, he knew who he couldn’t piss off. 
“Listen, Y/N, I have a proposal for you,” Tony started, and you frowned, not really knowing where this was going, but from the look on Tony’s face, you could tell it was nothing good. 
“There is somebody who would like to get to know you, and he has a proposal for you that he believes you can’t refuse. I don’t know any specifics, I just know he is willing to pay you a lot of money, and I’m talking thousands and thousands, Y/N. He said that nothing sexual would be involved because I told him that if he was looking for a one night stand, you weren’t his girl, but he assured me that this wasn’t it. He would like to meet with you and tell you all the details if you let him. And before you say no, Y/N, think about it. All you gotta do now is to meet him and listen to him, and he is one of those guys who don’t take no for an answer,” Tony finished, and while you saw it pained him to give you the message, you were too stunned to care. 
“What the hell are you talking about, Tony? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Like, did this guy tell you he wanted to talk to me specifically or just a girl desperate enough to come here?” You blurted, still not getting what he was about. 
“He asked for you, sweetie. I don’t know how, but he knew you’d come and told me when you did to give you the message and give you his address. Which is here,” he said, handing you a piece of paper with an address and a date with the time written on it, “and he told me that if you came and agreed to his plan, you wouldn’t have to worry about money this week or any other week. It could be your chance, Y/N. Look, the guy is extremely powerful, so, please, just go and meet him, and you’ll see, ok?” He was scared, and it made you scoff out loud. 
Great, so a loan shark was giving you a message to meet some mysterious, powerful asshole who wouldn’t take no for an answer and who probably stalked you as he knew you would be coming to Tony sooner or later. Just great, really. 
“It seems I don’t really have a choice, do I? Sheesh, Tony, at least tell me who this guy is and like how scared I should be. You gotta give me something because I can’t just go to some random house and be totally ok with it. Nobody can’t expect me to do so,” you pointed out, and Tony nodded in understanding. 
“Totally, yeah. I even asked if I should come with you, but I was told you should be alone. You should be alert, let’s put it that way. If I were you, I’d really think before I speak, because this guy doesn’t take anything lightly. And I think it would be best if you didn’t know his name, Y/N. Just… he doesn’t want to hurt you, all he wants to do is speak to you, so please, just do it,” Tony finished just as some customer came into the shop. 
You waited patiently because the conversation was far from over, but you knew better than to start shit in front of some stranger. Tony was evidently scared shitless of the guy, and it only fuelled your already growing anxiety. Tony was determined not to share too much information with you, but you didn’t understand why. Why could you not at least know the guy’s name? Who could it be? 
Your brain took a detour to a few nights ago back at the pub where you saw the men asking about you, and a cold sweat broke on your skin. It must have been connected, there was no doubt in your mind about that, and it filled you with so much dread you actually had to catch your right hand with your left to stop yourself from shaking violently. 
The doorbell rang signalling the customer left, and your eyes gazed at Tony, who was already staring at you apologetically. 
“And what about the money, Tony? It’s Saturday, and I need to pay my rent by Friday next week. Nice of the guy, whoever the fuck he is, that he wants to see me, but he won’t if I’m on a fucking street next weekend,” you seethed, and Tony was quick to walk around the counter behind which he was standing this whole time and walked closer to you. 
“He wants to see you on Wednesday, Y/N, and he specifically told me not to lend you any money, that he would take care of it. Whatever the fuck it means.”
“The fuck? I don’t even know his fucking name, and he will stop me from getting money to survive? What the actual hell, Tony? You can’t be serious right now,” you cried out in utter desperation because none of this was supposed to happen. You were supposed to come, chat a little with the goatee man, get the money and walk back home, where you’d watch some stupid TV show and drink shitty wine. 
But no, of all the people living in New York this shit must be happening to you. As you didn’t have enough on your fucking plate as was, some mysterious fucker had to be interested in you for whatever reason, and he wouldn’t let you live without talking to him first. 
“Can’t you just call him and tell him that I want to have nothing to do with him?” You asked when you felt calm enough to talk again. You didn’t even know whether you were scared or desperate or angry, but at best, you were feeling a mix of all these and some more, that was for sure. 
“No can do, sweetie, but I promise it will be alright, ok? You’re a strong one, I know that and whatever he wants from you, you can either give or can talk to him,” Tony smiled sweetly, and while you knew he was full of bullshit you let it slide because you just didn’t have it in you to fight with him when he was clearly just the messenger. Whoever wanted to speak to you, however, he would hear it from you because where were we that a guy just asks for a girl and the whole of New York delivers her to him on a silver platter?
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Wednesday 
“You gotta be kidding me, Y/N. Are you seriously considering going there? For all you know it might be some elaborate trap and somebody’s gonna jump you and kill you in some dark alley,” Caroline screeched at you as she saw you getting ready after you came home from work. 
You had to ask for a night off from the pub since mister nobody wanted to meet you on your night of work. But you knew you couldn’t say no. Whoever it was, Tony was afraid of him, and Tony was a tough guy. And not that you wouldn’t be brave, but your bravery was mostly concentrated on being able to throw a spider out of the apartment or walk the corridor with the lights out, not really crossing some powerful guy who could do God-knows-what to you if you didn’t come. 
“C’mon, guys. You know I gotta do it. And I honestly think if they wanted to kill me, they would have already done it,” you muttered, trying to pick something to wear, that wasn’t too revealing, but you also didn’t want to go wherever you were going in a pair of baggy sweatpants you were currently rocking. 
“But like, what if they want to make a personal slave out of you, huh? Like, cuff you to a ceiling and serve them with your body, like a personal kind of slave, you know what I mean? You were not made to be strapped to a ceiling, babe,” Aidan panicked, and you actually had to laugh. 
“Your imagination never ceases to astonish me, Aid. Or are you speaking from personal experience?” You smirked as both you and Caroline laughed out loud at Aidan’s expression of utter disgust. 
“You two are disgusting, and I hate you, but that doesn’t change the fact you still don’t know where the fuck you’re going,” Aidan countered and you rolled your eyes at him. 
“I’ll keep my data on so you can see me this whole time, and if I don’t call you by 9 PM you can send the cops there, deal?” 
They both nodded in agreement, knowing this was the best they were getting. You were glad you had them in your life and that you had people caring enough to try and stop you from doing something stupid, but something in your told you that your life would be even worse if you didn’t go. At least this way you’d know the whole story, and you would be able to make an educated decision based on all the variables. 
“A’ight, but if anything sketchy happens, you run, ok? We can figure out the money, but we can’t figure out shit if you’re not here with us,” Caroline reminded you, and you nodded solemnly. 
God, you just hoped you weren’t making a mistake by listening to Tony. He even shot you a message in the afternoon, reminding you to go there because if you didn’t, it could end up badly for both of you. And it was actually one of the decisive arguments in the whole thing, surprisingly. You didn’t want anything happening to Tony, especially not because of you and your decisions, and so you just told yourself to suck it and prepared for the evening. 
You really couldn’t afford the cab, so you had to leave super early to be at the given address at precisely 7 PM. You also grabbed the book you were currently reading, Kim Stanley Robinson’s New York 2140, so that the ride to Manhattan wouldn’t be as dull and dreadful. You could think of the utopian future he depicts rather than thinking of your journey to the lion’s den, and that was the most promising image you created in your head about the place where you were headed. 
Not that you didn’t try to find the place on Google maps, but all the buildings on the address looked the same, and, actually, quite nice, so you had no idea what you were getting yourself into. 
Meanwhile, Tony texted you again since you didn’t reply to his previous text, and this time you took the time to craft a message telling him that yes, you were indeed headed to the manor and he didn’t need to worry about his own neck because you wouldn’t let others be hurt because of your incompetence or your cowardice. 
You knew you were getting off on Chambers St station and you actually took the time to think how many people living in Tribeca had to take the subway. The answer was, very obviously, zero, as the majority of the people in the subway were either passing or were clothed in a way you knew they worked in either one of the restaurants there or as a help. And you felt like one of them, because you too didn’t live in the wealthiest village in New York, and you too were going there mainly for business. Well, at least you hope you did. 
Checking every house number when you got to the street you were supposed to meet the mysterious guy at, you tried to find where exactly was the bat cave, and when you saw the number 112, you knew you found it. 
Your breath came in ragged huffs as you tried to gather the last remnants of your bravery as you walked up the stairs and buzzed on the door. Your head was spinning lightly, and you actually had to lean against the wall beside you to regain your composure. 
The door soon revealed a massive man dressed in a black turtleneck and a pair of black jeans, and you were actually quite surprised not to see him with sunglasses and an earpiece. If the situation weren’t so tense, you’d probably joke about it, but as it was, you just followed his lead as he beckoned you inside. 
“Miss Y/L/N, I presume? I need to see your phone and your belongings, ma’am,” he stated, and you raised a brow at him. 
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a standard procedure, ma’am. Everybody here to see the boss needs to be checked, just in case,” he stated, leaving no room for discussion, and while you sighed exasperatedly, you still handed him your bag and made a point by fishing out the phone and shoving it in his outstretched hand. He took a quick look through your belongings, pushing it against what you assumed was some kind of a metal detector before he pulled out another device. This looked like a big phone, and he scanned your bag once again. 
“What is that?” You asked, unable to stop your curiosity. 
“Checking if you’re not bugged,” he answered matter-of-factly as he continued before he put the device down, clearly not finding anything. Where would you even get a bug, and why would you do it? You rolled your eyes inwardly but kept a straight face in front of the man, just in case he was watching. Which he was, as you found out by him waving in front of your face and showing you to follow him. 
You braced yourself for whatever was awaiting upstairs and obediently walked behind him. 
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As you walked through the house, you got the impression that whoever lived there was wealthy, but that kind that didn’t really put on a flashy show. There were no chandeliers, no heavy curtains and stuff you pretty much imagined this place would look like and that image had nothing to do with the Beast and the Beauty dance room, nothing at all. 
But this was… modest. Everything was very contemporary, some prominent brick here and there with mostly grey floors and the furniture was most definitely customary but, again, it was plain yet luxurious. You assumed that’s how the really rich people lived. They knew they had the money, and the people around them knew it as well, so there was no need for diamond stairs and a golden toilet. 
A few names surged from memory as you heard your coworkers discuss the wealthy New Yorkers, but you didn’t want to assume anything before you actually saw the person, so you just walked by the halls before the man stopped in front one of the rooms and quietly knocked. 
It was not surprising when another man dressed exactly like the guy leading you appeared from the room and took a quick look at you before he said something to whoever was behind him. When the affirmative came that you could indeed go in there, they shoved the door open and what you assumed was a living room appeared in front of you. It corresponded with the whole house, but your attention was caught by one specific thing. Your brain had its own world, and when you saw one of Tunji Adeniyi-Jones’s paintings from his last year’s exhibit, you almost fainted. He was your favourite contemporary artist. And seeing his work outside of the gallery was practically an otherworldly feeling. You gaped at the beautiful play of colours, and your heart swooned at the perfection of the brush strokes. 
“Ehm,” you heard somebody cough beside you, and it startled you so much you actually jumped to the side, your hand flying to your chest in a feeble attempt to will your heart to stay calm. 
You took the intruder in and found out that unlike every other man in the room (and there were a few, as you noticed) this guy wasn’t wearing all-black attire. He was in a comfortable-looking creme sweater and a pair of dark blue jeans, everything fitting him as if the clothes were sawn to his body. 
Which, as far as you could tell, was the body of a Greek God. 
“See something you like, honey?” The man interrupted thoughts, and it just crossed your mind that he was really rude, not letting you breathe even for a second before he had to make his presence known. 
“Yes, actually. I’m quite a big fan of the artist whose painting you have there, so I admired that. And you are?” You trailed at the end, signalling that while he was very handsome, you had no idea who he was and why it was that you needed to come to him this evening. 
“Straight to business, huh? I like that. I’m quite surprised Tony didn’t tell you who I was. Was he scared you wouldn’t have come if you knew?” He didn’t wait for your answer, however. “Well, honey, I’m Steve Rogers, and I am very pleased to meet you,” he smirked at your stomach dropped. 
Steve Rogers? That Steve Rogers? It wasn’t possible. 
“You gotta be kidding me,” you muttered as you scratched your arms nervously. 
“Oh no, on the contrary. I’m all too real, Miss Y/L/N, and from the looks of it, I’m glad Tony didn’t tell you, you look like you might faint. Are you feeling alright?” He asked like the smug asshole he was, and you just turned away from him, taking a deep breath before you finally turned back around to face him with a pokerface. 
“I’m alright, thank you. So now, can I know what it is you want from me so much you stalked me and made me come here, pretty much by force?” 
He scoffed but showed you to follow him to the sofa. When you didn’t budge, he simply took you by your elbow and pretty much shoved you down to the plump sofa. 
“Force, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I simply asked you to come visit me, is it so wrong? But yes, you are right, we should talk about why I invited you here. You see, Y/N, I’m in need of a wife, and after long calculations, I came to the conclusion you would be perfect for the job,” he said straightforwardly, and it was now that you felt like you’d faint. 
“Marry me? Are you fucking insane?” You couldn’t hold it in any longer. Form the pissed off expression on his face, you could see it was not the right move, but he couldn’t expect any other reaction, really. 
“Easy, honey or I might have to use the said force to shut that smart mouth of yours,” Steve mumbled dangerously, and you swallowed harshly. 
“Right, you’re a notorious mobster, and I’m literally nobody, and if you killed me, nobody would miss me. Good, now that’s out of the table, why do you want to marry me? And what does it mean you are in need of a wife? I mean… you are notorious for dating a different girl every week, can’t you just marry one of them if you’re in such a great hurry?” 
“No, honey, I can’t. All you need to know right now is my proposal. So, here it is. You will marry me, we will stay married for a year and then get a divorce. You will have everything every girl ever wanted: loads of clothes, all the time in the world to do whatever the fuck you want, you won’t have to work, and I will pay for everything and more. You will live here so you won’t have to worry about your rent money, and I will also pay your student loan, on top of which you will be paid 20.000$ every month for playing your role. And when the year is over, you will walk away rich, without any debts slowing you down and you will be able to do anything you want. How does that sound?” 
“It sounds like it’s not a proposal but a directive,” you smiled sweetly and stood up, pacing the room and scratching your hands like crazy. This was not happening, no, no, no!
You needed the money, you really did, and getting rid of the debt from your student loan that would have been sweet too, but at what price? On the other hand, you thought, how bad could it be to just be somebody’s wife for a year? He did make it sound pretty easy. 
“What would be expected of me?” 
“Well, you would go with me to every event and pretty much listen to everything I say,” he shrugged as if it was the most natural thing to say to another human being. 
“Like, you’d ask me to spread my legs for you here, and I would do it?” You asked, suddenly very angry that the man just assumed what kind of a person you were. You were desperate, but not that desperate. 
“Oh, no, honey. That is one of the reasons why I chose you: I’m not attracted to you, so no, I wouldn’t ask you for any sexual favours. We could even put that to our contract if you’d feel better, but, really, you have nothing to worry from me,” he again said with ease, and you didn’t know if you were glad he just told you this or really pissed and ashamed.
Not that you thought you were some kind of a beauty, far from it, but he also didn’t have to be so upfront about it. And now you understood it even less why the hell he chose you.
“Just, wait a second,” you said, your brows knitting together as you tried to piece together all the information the man in front of you had just given you. He was gorgeous, there was no question about that, but that wasn’t the issue here. There were many gorgeous people in New York, and you didn’t marry any of them. Yet, that was. 
“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction. 
“Honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing.
“Then why choosing me if you don’t find me attractive? Not that it’s an issue, I’m just really trying to understand the situation here,” you said, totally ignoring the threat in his voice as you needed some much valuable answers. 
“Right, well, first of all, as I already mentioned, what I want, I get, honey, and you should always remember that. Secondly, it was your ability to keep a straight face, even though I can see the ability is not endless. I need somebody who will be sickly sweet to both my friends and enemies alike, who won’t mind a few sleazy comments from the old fuckers, and who will look like an obedient wife. I need somebody who will blend in and who will look trustworthy, and not like she was to stay only for a week. And when I saw you in that pub where you used to work, I could see you had what it took to be in this life, even if only for a year,” he finished, and you were glad you were right at least about the guy, Steve, also sending the people to sniff around your workplace. But then it hit you. 
“Where I used to work? I still work there,” you said dumbfounded, and Steve chuckled humorously. 
“Oh no, you don’t. You see, I need my wife free all the time and I need her here with me. Look, Y/N, this is getting tiring, and I really need an answer now. What is it gonna be, huh?”
“Like I even have a choice. You just said you would use force if I said no, so, what am I supposed to say, huh? I don’t want to get married, but I don’t have any money and your snoopy ass is getting in the way of my life, and you ended one of my jobs, and before you say you terminated my contract in the gallery, please think about it again. That job is very important to me, it has always been my dream to be in a gallery surrounded by beautiful art, and, by chance, having my art there as well. 
I don’t know Steve, your offer is very generous, it really is, but I don’t think I’m the right one,” you sighed finally and looked around the room, ignoring the boring looks from Steve. Then you saw the clock and you almost panicked, it was two minutes before 9. 
“Oh my God, I need to call my friends, or they’re gonna call the cops,” you said quickly already dialling Caroline’s number. You told her you were fine and that no, you weren’t a personal slave yet, but that you’d tell them everything when you got home. When the call ended, the venom was back in Steve’s eyes. 
“If you think you can talk to people about anything I have just said, you are terribly wrong, doll,” he seethed, and you were taken aback, but you didn’t want him to think he intimidated you.
“Well, if you think I’m not gonna tell my family about this, then it’s you who is terribly wrong, Steve. We tell each other everything, and if I considered this proposal of yours, it would mean Aidan and Caroline would know about this, at least that I’m marrying you for more than my undying love for you,” you spat back, and Steve saw the determination in your eyes. He knew he had to compromise with you, even if only a little bit. 
He already found out everything about you, he knew your whole life, your past, everything his people could find on the internet. And what he got from the search was that you and the people you lived with were extremely close. He considered getting rid of them but realised it would only push you away from what he needed from you. And he needed a wife ASAP. 
The mafia was still very conservative, and as he was the only boss without a constant woman by his side, he was sometimes excluded from important meetings that happened on “family retreats.” And he needed all the info there was if he wanted to be the best of the best. Or, the worst of the worst, if we were being literal. 
“Fine, but they will need to sign a contract saying that they will keep their mouths shut,” Steve smiled back, and you nodded, your head already spinning. 
Were you really considering it? But was there any other option? You needed the money, and it would’ve be great if you didn’t have to care about your student loan for the rest of your life. You would see the world, just like you wanted, you would have time for your art, and you would be free after only a year. That didn’t sound that bad. Sure, you’d be affiliated with a known mafia boss, but that was nothing you couldn’t handle. But there was still a question Steve didn’t answer. 
“What about my job at the gallery? If you made them fire me and I’m gonna find out tomorrow, I can’t even begin to consider this. I want that job, I want to work at that gallery, Steve.” 
“Fucking hell, I could buy you the gallery if you agreed!” He shouted, exasperated that it was taking so long. He really didn’t get it. He was proposing a life in luxury, and he knew that the majority of women in New York would be more than happy to be seen by his side. But you? You had to be difficult and even demand stuff. Fucking hell…
“But whatever, you wanna work there, fine. Whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Do we have a deal or not? I have better things to do with my evening than just bargain with you, honey,” he accentuated the pet name that you already hated.
Well, this wasn’t how you imagined your proposal to go. Not that you were too keen on the whole idea of a marriage, but still, a girl could dream. Yet, here you were, actually considering getting tied up with a mobster for a year just because he offered you enough money and a life that you felt like could be interesting, if only for a year and with a man who blatantly told you he wasn’t interested in you in that way. This was the only reason you didn’t feel as dirty as you expected because you knew he would never touch you and never want you to do something sexual against your will. 
You were used to lying through your teeth ever since you were little, your parents made sure you knew how important it was to keep your secret, and dangerous life wasn’t something you only heard of on TV. All this made the decision slightly easier, as you finally made up your mind. 
“Fine, but we still have a lot to talk about, Mr Rogers,” you set your jaw and outstretched your hand to shake on it with him. 
“Whatever, Mrs Rogers. Consider your rent paid and I’ll see you on Friday when we discuss our matter in greater detail. Now, if you excuse me,” he kissed the top of your hand and walked away. 
Well, this would be fun, you told yourself as you watched the man you would soon call your husband walk away from you, and contemplated whether you made the right choice. But your life wasn’t great as was, as much as you tried to fill it with laughter and happiness, and, in a sense, Steve offered you an out, even if only for a little bit. 
Here was to nothing, you hollered at yourself in your mind and followed one of the turtleneck-guys out of the manor and into the chilly air of evening New York.
/ Next Chapter >
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beskar-cowboy · 4 years ago
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The Best Things Dwell Out of Sight
Part 4 of The Best Things Dwell Out of Sight Series
Summary: You catch an accidental glimpse of the Mandalorian without his helmet, his instincts kick in. (4.4k words) link to read on ao3 here
Warnings: NSFW, Mando is kind of mean, the helmet is off but its still canon?, PIV sex, rough sex, he low-key kinda threatens the reader idk, spanking, soft ending to make up for whatever the fuck i just wrote <3 
A/N: this series will be uploaded in a non-linear order! i realize that this way of doing things might not be everyone’s favourite so please let me know if you would like to be notified when all the parts are uploaded (linearly in my masterlist) <3
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Perhaps swaddling the child to your chest on a desert planet was not the smartest idea. The heat was blistering, even though you wore less layers than usual. Just a tank top, some utility shorts and a blaster holstered to your thigh. And the baby of course, who had not stopped babbling since you left the ship, the only thing distracting you from this damned heat.
You could only imagine how Mando was feeling underneath all that beskar as he walked alongside you in silence, only stealing glances every now and then, as he usually did.
Even after travelling with them for half a cycle now, Mando still withheld so much from you.
Even after the two of you slept together for the first time, after some close call on some jungle planet, he still retreated into his usual silence.
But there were more gentle touches now, more lingering hands, more helmet tilts, but he still hadn’t let you in. You were okay with that, you knew that this was what he was used to, so you didn’t think too much about it.
You let him take what he needs without asking too many prying questions. If you were being honest, you liked the way he used you, you liked how he took it out on you, you liked how rough he got, how possessive, how starved he could be.
It had only amounted to a couple of times over the last month but… but you loved it. You looked forward to it, you thought about it, dreamt of… dreamt of him, of Mando, inside you, above you, under you-
Mando squeezed his large hand around your bicep, breaking you from your thoughts before nodding to you, then he departed. Off to meet with… whoever.
You stayed in the market and bought stuff for the ship.
Some new screws and bolts for parts that were missing or had to be fixed, food rations, dried meat, fruits that you knew Mando was fond of, some weird, shiny little trinkets the child seemed attracted to, and a new bar of soap. You had just finished the last one a few days prior.
After buying the necessities, you wandered around the little market with the child, bouncing him up and down against your chest and talking to him softly. He was very responsive today, not seeming too bothered by the heat thankfully.
But the sun was high in the sky, most likely at its peak, and it was unrelenting. The desert environment of the planet gave way to little shaded spots so you looked for water instead, finding a little mist station where children laughed and played. You ran through it a few times with the child, he screeched with joy.
On your last run through the mist, you caught sight of Mando approaching the two of you again.
That saunter… the way he walked was so intimidating, so sensual. You couldn’t help but let a shy smile stretch across your face at the people who cowered away in fear of the bounty hunter.
You made sure you had all your things in your sling, checking to see that the child hadn’t dropped his new toy and then you were off, heading back to the ship.
The walk felt longer now due to the long exposure you both had in the sun. Mando seemed to be trudging along just the same as you, profusely sweating and in desperate need for some water. And a shower.
Mando opened the hatch and you both stumbled inside, dropping your bags and untying the child from your chest where he had left a giant sweat stain from how tightly he had been pressed to you. Suddenly aware of how sweaty, sticky and disgusting you must seem, the only thing on your mind was a shower.
“I got you some Meiloorun, they seemed ripe.” You smiled at him as you gently placed the child on the floor of the Crest. He waddled towards his father, trying to show him his new toy.
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” He said in your direction, that deep modulated voice making you shiver. He seemed hesitant to look away, but picked up the child regardless, letting him show off his new shiny thing. Mando took it into his hands, playing with him, you smiled fondly.
“I’m going to go take a shower if that’s okay? To cool down a bit.” You’re not sure why you felt the need to ask his permission after all this time but you still felt the need sometimes. Maybe he would want help putting the stuff away that you had bought, maybe he wanted you to help with the child or something? You just couldn’t help the way your mind only fixated on the sweat and grime sticking to your flesh.
“Of course.” Mando nodded. You nodded back, turning on your heels to head into the ‘fresher just around the corner in the low cabin of the Crest.
You leave the door open, you think you don’t mind Mando seeing you if he decides to look or happens to catch a glimpse. Even though he’s never taken any of his armor off (besides his gloves) for you before, he’s seen every single inch of you.
You quickly peeled off your damp clothing, turning the water on and making sure it wasn’t too cold but cool enough to relax your heat exhausted body. You stepped in quickly, eager to cool yourself down.
You visibly relaxed as soon as the water hit your burning skin, your shoulders sagging, a sighing escaping your lips. You dug your fingers into your own flesh, trying to knead the tender muscles which strained under the weight of the child and the supplies. It wasn’t much but you still ached, the heat had definitely contributed to that.
Supplies… your new bar of soap! You had been excited to use it but completely forgot about it the second you returned to the ship, mind wiped blank by the desire to rid yourself of your dirty clothes.
Suddenly thankful you left the door to the refresher open, you stick your head out from behind the curtain and call for Mando, wondering if he could retrieve the sparkly blue soap bar for you.
Instead of being met with an empty doorway, you’re met with something else. And it’s as if the world moved around you in slow motion, your emotions moving over you like molasses.
First, confusion.
Hair. A head full of light brown, golden hair. It curled near the ends, into little wisps. It couldn’t be-
No. That couldn’t be Mando. It was as if your brain refused to acknowledge the shiny beskar that sat underneath that head of hair, refusing to realize it was the tin covered man you were looking at.
Second, curiosity.
Your eyes scanned over his head, taking in the way the bathroom light shined over his hair, making it reflect all different shades of brown and caramel.
It was now that you realized that his head was turning, that’s why the light was bouncing off it so dynamically.
His head continued to turn. An ear.
Third, shock.
It was only when you saw the sliver of skin, the shell of his ear, the inner workings of the intricate cartilage, and the profile of his supple cheekbone that you let out a startled, and perhaps unnecessary, shriek.
Your hands flew up to cover your eyes, to shield them from the forbidden view. You turned back into the shower, facing the wall, away from Mando.
He saw more of you than you had of him. He saw the way your chest heaved, the way the water flew off your body as you twirled to face the tiled wall of the shower, away from him. He watched the water hit your back-
You had seen him. Or at least, that’s what he thought.
He hated the way his instincts kicked in. He hated the way he was trained to kill whoever saw him, whoever looked, whoever dared unmask him.
Almost innately, his hand reached for the light switch, plunging the refresher into darkness as he stalked towards you, pressing his hand to your head and pinning you against the cool tile of the shower forcefully and efficiently.
Mando’s body followed suit, bringing both of you underneath the steady shower stream, pinning himself against your backside. The cold bite of his beskar in contrast to the cool water making you whimper, the force of his hand pressing your cheek into the wall made you see stars behind closed eyelids.
“What did you see?” He asked, voice gruff, strained, unmodulated.
Fuck.
Of all the months you had spent aboard the Razor Crest, living with him, fucking him, you had never heard his voice without the helmet, without some sort of barrier. You regret the way it made you moan, how easily he could make you melt.
“N-nothing, I didn’t-”
“What did you see?” He pressed onto your harder, with his hand and his body weight, pining you completely to the wall, making you at his mercy. You cry out at his cold touch, at his harshness. Mando had been frustrated, even angry, with you before but now… now he was about to truly end you.
But all you could think about was how beautiful his real voice sounded. It always sounded beautiful to you, from the moment you met him, it had made you weak, but this… this was unlike anything you could have imagined.
“Hair,” you cry, unsure if you were truly crying or if it was just water from the endless stream running above both of you now. “I s-saw your hair, your ear… I-I’m sorry-” You hiccup, trying to regain your breath and not inhale too much water as your chest heaved.
Without the helmet Mando was quickly realizing that he could genuinely hear you for the first time, your trembling voice ringing through his ears without being slightly distorted by the helmet’s filters. He could….
He could smell you too. The sweet scent of your skin, of your wet hair tangling in his fingers as he continued to hold you in between the tiles and his unforgiving beskar.
You… the sight of you pinned against him, your wet skin, water dripping down your flesh in rivulets, your whimpers, your cries, your tears, the way your eyes closed, the way you kept them closed even now, drowning in darkness, your cheek flush against the tile.
Completely at his mercy.
You weren’t even fighting him.
“Fuck.” He groaned, leaning his forehead against your temple. You whimpered at his sudden movement, so on edge.
You knew he was trained to kill. You knew what happened to people who even attempted to look at him. You had seen it, you had been there when it happened once, ignorant vendors trying to taunt him, trying to tease the Mandalorian. How stupid they were, now dead somewhere in a ditch. Would he do that to you? It would be so easy for him...
Mando wondered if you could see him in the darkness as well as he could see you. He knew you couldn’t, the lack of windows deprived the room of any light sources. Luckily, his eyes were trained and used to harsh environments, low visibility. Luckily, he could see you trembling against him.
He removed his hand from your head, sliding both of his hands now to hold your hips, digging his blunt nails into the flesh, leaving crescent moon-shaped indents behind. You yelped at the sting but didn’t pull away. You liked it.
“I’m sorry-”
“Stop talking.” He growled and you bit your lip, unaware that you had opened your eyes due to the deep, dark abyss you had been plunged into.
You could truly not see a thing. All your senses became focused on the way Mando touched you, the way he’s wedged you between the wall and himself, the death grip he had on your hips, the way his breaths came out quickly and evenly onto your cheek. He was breathing almost as hard as you were.
He nudged his nose onto your cheek and you nudge your cheek back onto him, trying to remind him that it was just you, that you’re not a threat, it’s just you, it’s just you, it’s just you.
This is The Way. This is The Way… This is The Way… This… is-
Fuck. You were distracting him. Your little whimpers, the way you couldn’t help but lean into his touch. So willing, you were always so willing for him. So fucking easy and it drove him crazy.
His skin… it felt so good against yours. You had only felt the rough, rarely tender caress of his rough palms. Never of his face, his lips, his nose… You felt like you were being driven insane, you couldn't believe how close his unmasked face was to yours.
You could kiss him…
Mando continued to rub his nose against you, suddenly so lost in the feel of your skin against his. No one had ever been so close to him, so invasively close, breathing in and breathing out the same air, sharing. Feeling your eyelashes flutter against his own, your lips, open panting, swollen and pliant and inviting. He could… he could-
“Mando-”
You’re cut off by his hand suddenly slithering down your body and cupping your cunt. You gasp, unable to help the way your hips involuntarily rock into his hand, into his own hips as well, feeling a growing hardness between his legs.
You were hot, so, so hot down between your thighs. Slippery too, and Mando knew it wasn’t just the water. It was thick, sticking to his fingers, practically begging for him. Mando groaned against your open lips, both of you panting into each other’s open mouths.
“You... you fucking like this, don’t you?” He rasped, biting onto the side of your bottom lip. You whimpered, hips bucking into his hand again. What were you supposed to say? How were you to answer that?
Yes Mando, I like how fucking intimidating you are.
Yes Mando, I like how much bigger you are than me, how easy it would be for you to snap me like a twig.
Yes Mando, I like when you’re rough with me, I get off on it, I crave it, I-
“Fucking answer me.” Mando growls, latching his teeth onto your earlobe now. His hand continued to cup your sex, not truly going anywhere near where you needed him. You still couldn’t fucking comprehend that he was without his helmet, his face right next to yours…
“Yes!” You squeaked as his fingers brushed along the inside of your folds, parting you, dragging his fingers along the length of you, slipping through your sweet cyprine. You let out an unholy moan, so ashamed at how easy you were for him.
Mando kisses your ear, trails his tongue down your neck, collecting the water that pebbles down your flesh as if it were syrup.
This… is, The Way. This is- The Way-
His fingers brush up against your clit accidentally and you buck into him again, desperate for any sort of friction, any sort of attention he could give you.
Mando was trying to calm himself down. He had just been on the brink of snapping your neck and now he was overcome with lust, the desire to fuck you, stuff you full of his cock. The two extremes were dizzying, he felt drunk off of some fancy and expensive cider from some far off planet in The Core. But he supposes that’s just what you did to him.
Before he even realizes it, he’s unzipping his pants, letting the top fall undone and pulling his cock out, letting it rest against your backside. You bite your lip, trying to turn your head to look towards him but your eyes are unable to adjust, you feel as though you can see the outline of his face but… but you’re sure it’s an illusion of the dark.
“Please, Mando-” You weren’t one to beg, Mando wasn’t one to make you beg because he was always as desperate, always as pent up, touch-starved, hungry as you were.
When you two fucked it was never slow, never drawn out, never languid, luxurious. No, it was rough, mean, volatile, desperate and just fucking needy. You needed each other, and Mando fucked you like it would always be the last time, every time. Like he would never have you again, like he would never split you open again.
Mando shoves his entire length into you in one hard thrust, knocking the wind out of you from how deep he reaches so easily at this angle. He rests for a moment, savouring the way your pussy flutters and clenches around him from the sudden intrusion, trying to adjust to his substantial length.
His head pressed right up against yours, he can hear all the pretty sounds you're making, even over the loud patter of water against his beskar which begins to weigh him down from how soaking wet it's getting.
But Mando doesn’t care, he can’t, not when you’re whimpering for him in that pretty way you do, not when you clench so tight around him that he feels like he could cum without even having moved. You beg, you beg and beg and beg for him to move but he just closes his eyes and feels you pulse, hot and tight and snug around him with that perfect little cunt of yours.
You hadn’t seen him, he thinks to himself. You hadn’t actually seen him, he’s okay, it’s just you, it’s just you, it’s just you.
You.
Quivering at the end of his cock, moaning, grasping at the tiles, trying to find purchase on something, taking him all the way in like you always do, like a good fucking girl.
He hadn’t even realized that he had started thrusting, in and out with reckless abandon, bottoming out every single time before pounding back into you, making you whimper and cry.
“W-what’s my name?” He asks suddenly, pulling you from floating away towards whatever astral plane you were near close to ascending too, the one his thrusts were pushing you towards as he rearranged you from the inside out.
You had to think, you had to think of his name because your find was blank, he was fucking you dumb.
“Mando.” You whimper, closing your eyes and letting your head rest against the cold tiles, keeping your head turned so that he could keep his face pressed into your cheek, nose nudging yours, lips brushing but not kissing.
“No… what’s my fucking name?” He grits from behind clenched teeth, punctuating his words between harsh, unforgiving thrusts. You hiccup, unable to swallow down air properly as he fucks you into the wall.
His name?
What did he-
Oh.
His name. Mando had never told you his name, his actual name.
Was this a test? You shook your head ‘no’ as his arms wrapped around you, locking you in place as his ungloved hands came to grope at your breasts, using your own body as leverage to fuck into you harder. You let out a wanton moan, throwing your head back, letting it rest on his beskar covered shoulder. You turned your head and let your lips brush against his cheek but he turned his head too, lips brushing against his own and you both gasped and whimpered in unison. He seemed insistent on not kissing you, so you just went along with it, all your wits being literally fucked out of you.
“I-I don’t know.” You finally answered, your voice coming out small, between laboured breaths.
You didn’t know him, he thought. He still had something of his identity held in privacy, you didn’t know him, you didn’t know him.
“You don’t- you don’t know me,” He begins to say and it makes you cry, you cry against his mouth, your body shaking, bouncing against his, water beating down on both of you. “B-but you still let me fuck you like this, don’t you sweet girl?”
You scream. You scream when his hand lets go of your left breast only to come back down onto it, slapping the underside of the supple flesh. You wail and cry and moan the only name he’s ever told you.
Mando, Mando, Mando, Mando, Mando, Mando.
He grabs your jaw in one of his strong hands, angling your face towards his, a sight unseen.
“Answer me when I speak to you, cyar’ika.” He says forcefully, regardless of the nickname.
“Y-yes.” You choke out, trying to nod your head in his tight hold but you barely can. You were right on the brink, you felt as if he were to say one more thing in that deep, rough voice of his you would cum.
“Yes, what?” He grits, fucking your harder, moving his hand down to your neck and pushing you back against the cold tiles, making you yelp and cry for him, at the cool bite of ceramic materials.
“It’s c-cold, Mando.” You whine. He slaps your ass, his hand cracking down on your flesh, no doubt leaving a mark to find again tomorrow. You squeeze your eyes shut, bordering on overstimulation from his cock, his slaps, the water turning colder.
The ship never had a great water supply.
“Answer me.” He fucks you harder, faster, deeper, un-preciously and slaps your ass again, the other cheek this time.
“Y-yes! Yes I..I still l-let you… let you fuck me like this!” You cry and shake against the tile.
Mando’s arms quickly wrap around like they had before, hauling you back into his body. He snakes his hand down and rubs against your clit in fast, precise motions.
Almost instantaneously, your mind goes blank, your eyes roll into the back of your head. One of his arms wraps across your front, against your chest, holding your shoulder in a death grip, his other hand still working on your clit, his thrusts unrelenting as you cum and cum and cum around his thick cock.
“That’s it. That’s it... Good f-fucking girl.” He rasps, holding you tightly, thrusting a few more times before he empties himself inside you with a growl, painting your walls with him, branding you, owning you.
You moan at the sensation, the way his hot cum fills you to the brim before leaking out, back onto his cock and down the backs of your thighs. You both pant, your chest heaving in time with his as he fucks it back into you as deep as it’ll go, stuffing you so, so full of him. 
You keep your eyes closed, afraid of opening them, afraid he can see you even in this darkness. Even though you know he can.
Mando stays inside you until he’s softened, relishing in the way your pussy trembles around his girth, sucking him in as deep as you can for as long as possible.
When he eventually does pull out with a low growl, you hear him twist the knobs of the shower, the water suddenly becoming warmer, heating your now freezing skin. All these temperature changes were making you feel light-headed, the rough fuck you just got from Mando not helping your case either.
“Wha-”
“Stay here, warm up.” Mando cuts you off, you hear him step out of the shower.
A series of loud bangs resonate throughout the refresher, making you jump. Only one thing could be that loud. Is he… removing his beskar?
“Mando-”
“You’re always so cold when we’re travelling… can’t believe you were taking a cold shower.” He mumbles to himself, you can imagine him shaking his head. You’re stunned honestly, at how much he’s talking, especially without the helmet, that fact alone still lost on you. His voice was so beautiful, you had thought it to yourself about a hundred times now since you first realized he took the helmet off.
You stand under the warm stream, your quaking shivers slowly dissipating. You feel his presence enter the shower again, this time you can clearly feel his body heat, more flesh. He’s naked.
Mando is standing naked with you in the shower.
You involuntarily step away from him but he catches you, his hand landing on your waist, his hand softly grasping the flesh there. Such a stark contrast to the way he just fucked you into oblivion.
He’s naked.
This man had never removed anything besides his gloves. Even when he fucked you, the armor stayed on. You’re not sure if it was an issue of trust or due to his boundaries or his Creed. But considering he almost just killed you for accidentally seeing his ear and cheek, and was now standing naked with you in the dark… well, maybe it was a bit of both. You were having trouble wrapping your head around all of this, nothing was making sense to you.
The hand on your waist pulls you closer to him, your chests and bellies bump together and you gasp. Mando is firm, you knew this but… but to actually feel him against you, well, you could cry about it honestly.
You felt uncertain about what to do with your hands, unsure if you were allowed to touch him but you tentatively lifted them to his chest anyways, letting them rest against his solid pecs. His skin was soft despite the random series of raised flesh that seemed to brand him, his scars. You don’t think you ever wanted to see someone’s scars, someone’s skin as badly as you do now. But you would right out ask for it, you couldn’t.
You felt Mando lift something to your skin, it was smooth as it glided along your arm, your shoulders, across your back. A fruity, earthy scent filled your nose.
Your bar of soap.
He must have grabbed it before he took off his beskar. You lean into him unknowingly, the hand at your waist moving to hold you against him more easily as he washed you. You let your face rest against his chest, the little spot where his throat meets his collarbones. He smelled like sweat, grime, gun powder, he smelled like Mando.
You pressed your lips to the skin, the skin you knew was tanned and rugged, worn down, tired, in need of more kisses than he would let you give.
At the gentle press of your lips, that’s when Mando speaks again. It’s so hushed amongst the falling water, you almost miss it, but the few words don’t fall deaf to your ears, you hear every letter, every syllable.
“My name...” You look up to where his face would be, trying to imagine what expression he wears as he speaks to you in the dark. Your forehead not too far from his lips, you can almost feel the ghost of them on your flesh. 
“My name is Din.”
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o-pandora-o · 4 years ago
Text
Brothers in the Human Realm
No one was a demon to begin with (maybe luci though but-). You meet the brothers as human in the human realm. How would you meet them?
Lucifer:
Apparently some schoolmate of yours have done some violations in the school grounds and they used your name
You were sent to the Principal's office where you were questioned by Principal Diavolo about your wrong doings
You were trying to defend your innocence, but it was no avail
Coincidentally Lucifer was just dropping paperwork to Diavolo
Lucifer is your strict and scary and handsome college professor
He overheard the conversation and he defended you since he knew that you weren't lying
"Mr. Diavolo I must say, MC is one of my exceptional students, they would not do something as idiotic as that, and I clearly observe the behavior of my students"
Your H E R O
The next day, someone gave Principal Diavolo evidence of those who did wrong
Your name was cleared
Apparently you saw Lucifer giving those schoolmates detention, threat, and punishment. You may or may not seen a hint of killing intent in his eyes
You decided to thank Lucifer
"No worries, I just clearly observe the actions of what is mine"
H O L D U P
"Wha-" you replied
"Ah MC I have to go to my next class, take care"
Mammon:
Is a famous model, often the cover and centerfold of the monthly Majolish
For you Mammon was okay? I mean he is famous and many people likes his face
You were going to buy a limited edition  sunglasses that have hint of yellow and orange
You went to a sunglass store and asked the attendant if they they still have it but apparently the one on the display is their only stock
You decided to buy it
Apparently, Mammon also came to that specific sunglasses store looking for sunglasses that is the same as the one you bought
"I'm sorry sir, but apparently it was already bought and we have no stock" the attendant said
"Who bought it?"
"They did, sir" the attendant said as they point to you
"Oi! Can I buy the sunglasses from you? I'll pay double, no one can refuse the great Mammon"
"I'm sorry but I have to refuse. I really wanted it." you said
"Don't you know who I am? I'm-"
"The Great MAMMON, who is a famous model and often seen on Majolish magazine" you cut him off. "R-right! Now can i buy-"
"Nope sorry" you replied as you rushed to the exit
"Oi! What's your name? And contact details" he asked
"the name is MC, thats all you can get from me" you said as you rushed to the crowd
He was swarmed by the number of fans who saw him
He managed to find you and he chats you "Can I buy the sunglasses now?"
In the end it wasn't just sunglasses you talked about, you also talked about his struggle of being a model and your life
Leviathan:
Your username DestructoSheep is well known in the realms of Obey them
You always rank 2nd in pop quizzes
However no matter what you try, you can never beat your enemy, L3v1
Today, you got a letter from obey them, acknowledging the top players and giving them limited edition items
Ofc you have to go (there are limited items after all)
So you arrived early at the meetup place, no one was there yet so you played some obey them
A purple haired male entered the room, he looked fidgety, nervous, and he was mumbling something about normies
Cue giving of merch
The purple haired male tripped on the tiles and he dropped his phone in front of you
You helped him up and picked up his phone only to see his player name is L3v1.
"You.... You are L3v1." you sai
"Y-Yeah?W-Why?" he said as he was going to grab his phone away from you
"Waaaah! I'm DestructoSheep nice to meet you, oh but you can call me MC" you said as you reached his hand for a handshake
"I-uhhh I'm sorry I'm not used to touching, thats very normie-ish" he said as he averted his eyes
"My name is Leviathan, levi for short"
"I've always thought that the top player is always prideful and such but here he is being shy" you said as you chuckled
"H-hey! I'm still the best one in obey them mind you! I got every event cards at lvl 150 and skill lvl 10 and-"
"Yeah yeah I know" you said
After both of you received the merch, you both talked nonstop about obey them, other games, and anime
It was more like Levi bragging the amount of games and anime he played and watched
It was almost dusk till both of you notice the time
"Ah i got to go early, need to cook dinner. Chat me sometime!!!" you said as you gave him your contact details
Expect no sleep cuz both of you kept chatting till dawn
Satan:
He saw a kitty in a box in an alleyway near his apartment
Everyday, he often stops by to give the kitty enough food for the day
Is often disgusted by the fact that most people dump their pets in trash because they don't have anything to feed it
Saw you going to the alleyway
He suspected the worst and he thought that you were gonna harm the kitty he was feeding
"Hey don't harm-" he stopped
He saw you feeding the kitty
"Ah I assume you thought that I was gonna harm it?" you asked
"Well I thought the worst, humans are naturally scum anyways, but even so I do apologize"
"Ah it's alright, it's not a big deal anyways" you replied
"You come here often? I mean to feed the kitten that is" he asked
"You can say that, but not as often as you do" you said
"How did you know?did you perhaps-"
"Ah I happened to saw you feeding the kitten, I was just shy to approach you" you said
"Well I come to believe that people who are close to cats are not necessarily bad"
"I have to say I have to agree" you replied
"Ah I have to go, let's chat here again next time" you added
The alleyway became your meeting place to chitchat about cats
Asmodeus:
The famous M.A.D. Company released a new and limited edition Devil Set makeup and you were dying to get a hold of one
You spent a day looking at different stores but it was either unavailable or sold out. However, you were lucky to find another store that has one last stock.
You didn't notice someone else was also going to get it and so both of you grabbed the last set
"Uh... I'm sorry I have been looking this for the whole day, may I have it?" you politely asked
"Awww sweetie, I have been doing the same thing! Can you be a dear and let go of it?" the male with champagne-colored hair replied
Cue 1 hour of both of you saying "let go" or "it's mine"
"I have an idea! Let's just buy the set and divide it" you said
"Ohh! Good thinking! I will take the lippies, Devil shadow palette and the foundation!"
"That's literally EVERYTHING IN THE SET"
Cue two more hours of bickering.
Both of you didn't notice someone took it while the two of you are bickering
You noticed that it was gone
"Um... Someone already bought it while you two were... fighting" the saleslady explained
Both of you left the store empty handed and sad and you decided to break the atmosphere
"Pffft I'm sorry for fighting because of a Makeup set, btw my name is MC" you said
"I'm also sorry dear, although I wanted it I still didn't get it. I even missed my appointment to the salon!"
"And my name is Asmodeus, perfect name for a perfect being!" Asmo added
"Alright Mr 'Perfect' " you rolled your eyes
Let's just say that both of you talked about makeups on your way home.
Beelzebub:
Beel is your classmate during Physical Education class at college
Is a famous football player in your campus and he is also known for his handsomeness
His practice hours were often morning to late lunch and late lunch til dusk
During late lunch you saw him in the cashier by the cafeteria, asking if they still have cheeseburger available
But to his dismay, the cashier said "I'm sorry you already bought the last cheeseburger, and that's the last quota for the day"
He seemed sad and still hungry
You still have a cheeseburger to eat, but when you saw the time you knew you weren't gonna make it on your next class
When no one was looking, you decided to approach Beel and gave him your cheeseburger
"Are you giving this to me?"
"Yeah, I was going to eat it but I don't have much time for my next class" you replied
"Thanks, I owe you one"
You saw how happy he was when he got the cheeseburger
You were shocked how fast he ate it
Did he like inhale it or something
After your class, you noticed that he texted you saying "Thanks for the cheeseburger, I'll repay you next time you get hungry"
Let's just say you both got closer after that
Belphie:
It's your first day of online class, and your first subject has a 4 hour lecture
You forgot to disconnect your meeting link and you didn't notice until you were about to do homework
As you were about to disconnect, you saw that you weren't alone and you're classmate is still connected
You didnt want to leave him so you tried your best for your classmate to notice you. You tried spamming and saying " hello"
After 1234 attempts he finally noticed you
"Ah I'm sorry I slept during the boring lecture, thanks for waking me up"
"Ah it's no problem" you replied
"My name is Belphegor as you can see, but you can call me Belphie"
"My name is MC" you replied
"Say... How are you still here after hours after the lecture?"
"I forgot to disconnect" you replied
"Uh idk if this is too much of a favor to ask, can you wake me up again next time? After lecture that is, I don't want to be late for other classes"
"Sure, I don't mind I guess" you replied
After that, both of you got to know each other and you forgot to do your homework and you became a personal alarm clock
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saturnity · 3 years ago
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Telling Tenya Iida to take care of himself. Tenya Iida x Gender Neutral, Best Friend Reader.
(authors note: this is my first full length fic in...a while. motivation hit me like a brick and I decided I'd churn something out! this fic is dedicated to a few special friends: @classreptenyaiida, for the interactions I've had with him, @yarozu for being such a great fan and supporter!! @lostcoves for being my first friend on this platform and for being so so kind to me, @uwu-iwanttodie because god I know you're a sucker for tenya just like i am, and @tryingmyves for sticking around and being a wonderful person!! there's also one more special person this fic is dedicated to but I don't know their tumblr url and if they wish to be named LOL // but yes anyway, enjoy! i hope you like this, feel free to send me any feedback, rts and follows appreciated!!!)
warnings: none! all fluff. good for everyone.
Tenya Iida and (f/n l/n). The both of you were inseparable, friends since childhood, in the same class throughout elementary and middle school. You were overjoyed to hear that you’d be in the same class with him again in UA, brimming with excitement to be able to stick by his side for longer. Of course, you had a crush on him ever since you could remember...but you were really too scared, terrified, really, to confess to him- in fear of ruining your 15 years of friendship.
Out of all people, you were the person who knew how determined Tenya was to not only reach, but exceed his goals and aspirations. You knew how much he wanted to satisfy the people around him and meet their expectations. You didn’t exactly understand why he did it, but you knew how driven he was, and how he’d do anything within the law and the rules to get there. And he rarely failed. Tenya was a great inspiration in your life, encouraging you to do better, while growing together. In a way, he influenced you to work hard, train harder and to do your hardest. The both of you became a force to be reckoned with; your parents and Tenya’s parents realised this, and hoped you’d do great things as heroes in the future, allowing you to spend weekends and holidays together.
Throughout your first term, Tenya enthusiastically took up the role as representative of Class 1-A with pride. He’d come to you for feedback for his ideas, always asking your opinion before proceeding, and you’d be his biggest cheerleader. You improved ideas he delivered, making sure small details were tweaked, and ensured logistics ran smoothly. Whenever Tenya needed help, you were the first he’d go to. Tenya presumed the role of a figure of strength within Class 1-A, readily assisting people in need, hosting study groups after school, and going the extra mile to make sure everyone was...more or less, in line. His work towards being a ‘good hero’ started here, and it wouldn’t stop until his last breath. As an Iida, he worked daily to strengthen his reputation as a helpful, strong figure...no, a reputation as a hero.
But inside, you knew Tenya was tired. He was slowly burning himself out. He didn’t need a savior, but he needed someone to shake him awake. There were days where you’d find Tenya a little less awake than usual, even though he seemed to have the same amount of energy as every other day. You’d catch him zoning out after school days ended, maybe he’d drop from his chopsticks once more than normal at lunch, and sometimes he’d even forget to bring certain things to school. Your best friend definitely wasn’t sleeping or resting enough.
You did your best to make sure Tenya was taking care of himself. Sometimes, you would gently remind him to drink more water, or to get more sleep. Other times, you’d deliberately book ‘study sessions’ with him, only to do the exact opposite- taking him to a cafe for a ‘change of environment’, introducing him to several new drinks and cakes, much to his dismay. Or maybe you’d eat lunch on one of the school rooftops, and allow him to take a nap afterwards on your shoulder while you ran your fingers through his coarse, navy hair. Perhaps you’d relax at your house, a movie would be playing on the TV, and while he’d feverishly insist on studying or doing something more ‘productive’, you’d gently but stubbornly insist that he rest. As the days passed, Tenya placed his focus on his ambitions, and your opportunities to ensure his leisure decreased.
One night, you wondered why Tenya pushed himself so hard. Was it because he was a people pleaser? There were definitely times where he would be almost too eager to help others. Or was it because he decided to shoulder his world of responsibility alone? Maybe it was because he was constantly surrounded by good examples of what a hero should be, that he held the burden of his family name, that he was expected to be the next best thing for the hero community...or maybe it was all of the above. Tenya had been working tirelessly for this; yet he didn’t know when or how to take care of himself and to forget to be selfless. He was always running to help others, always thinking in the position of others, or whatever would be better for the future. You didn’t remember the last time he did something for himself. Regardless, you decided that you’d definitely work a little harder to make sure your best friend would care for himself. After all, everyone needed someone else to lean on, right?
You shook your head. “No. I’m serious. You need to rest. Or at least take it easy this weekend.”
Finally, one Friday afternoon, you saw Tenya yawn in class for the first time. He looked close to falling asleep, in fact, you could say he was positively exhausted. His eyelids fluttered downward, their weight becoming heavier and heavier with each blink. Inside, he was praying he wouldn’t get picked on to answer a question- he just wasn’t really following the class material anymore. Or worse, he hoped Mr. Aizawa wouldn’t assign group work- it’d mean he would have to actively interact with other people, which he didn’t have the energy for. Thankfully, the bell rang, and the gray, bleary-eyed teacher dismissed his class, unfurling his sleeping bag and escaping the room to get a nap himself. You walked up to Tenya’s desk and playfully smacked his arm, shocking him a little more awake. He adjusted his glasses and looked up to you.
“Heeey. Someone’s looking tired.”
“I suppose I didn’t sleep quite enough last night, (y/n).” Tenya grinned. To the normal eye, it would seem like one of the class rep’s normal, signature smiles, but to you, there was a fatigued weakness shielded behind its sunny exterior.
You arched an eyebrow. “You’ve said that every day for the last month and a half.”
“I know, I know. There’s so much work I need to get to, in fact, I should return to my dorm soon to st-” Tenya had finished gathering his things and prepared to leave the classroom, until your hand reached out onto one of his broad shoulders and pressed him back down onto his seat.
“No you fucking don’t.” You folded your arms, a frown plastered to your face.
Tenya scowled. “Please, (y/n), can we joke around later? I have to get th-”
“Look, if you’re aiming to be a successful hero in the future, you might as well take your own advice that you give so often to others and rest. You always tell us to make sure we get enough sleep, and you’re not even doing it yourself. If you’re tired or sick, you won’t be able to perform as well as you want to, right? And you always want to be at your best, don’t you, Ten?”
“But-” Tenya protested. He had so much work to do, so much to get to.
“Tenya Iida. In our 15 years of friendship, I’ve never seen you this fucking tired. We’re only in our first year. Are you going to keep doing this throughout school? Or what, the rest of your life? For the love of god, cut yourself some slack.” You almost yelled out in protest, in disgust of seeing your best friend suffer in silence.
Tenya stared at you in shock. You’ve never spoken to him like this before, or at least, it was rare. Usually you played more of a supportive role by his side, and when you were more assertive, you were never this pushy. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard you shout. The remaining members of Class 1-A who hadn’t yet left the room stared at the both of you in a similar amount of surprise as your bespectacled classmate did. After sighing, you decided to use reason that Tenya would buy into, desperately hoping he would do as you said.
“Then it’s settled. We’re gonna take it easy this weekend, okay? And don’t apologise for making me worry. It’s my job to look out for you, you know. And we haven’t napped together in a while too. I kinda miss that.” You brought Tenya into a hug.
Tenya sighed. You were right. He couldn’t hide that he was tired. And honestly, it was exhausting having to troop through each class with the meager 4-5 hours of shut-eye he was getting. It was a battle that he knew he was losing. He surrendered to your suggestion.
“I...uh...suppose you’re right. Sorry for making you worry.” Right after Tenya had finished that sentence, he yawned. There was really no hiding his tiredness now.
“Hey...(y/n)? Thank you. I appreciate you doing this.” Tenya smiled, as he reciprocated your warmth.
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secondhand-trash · 4 years ago
Text
Come with the Wind
Tumblr media
Kinktober 2020 — knife play
A/N: this is directly inspired by Sakusa’s merch design from the hyakki yakou (hundred ghouls marching at night????) line Jump released a while back where we get kamaitachi!sks and i just thought he was perfect for this prompt hhhhh
Pairing: kamaitcahi!Sakusa Kiyoomi x f!reader
Description: Sakusa Kiyoomi knocked you off your feet the moment he first entered your life as a strong whirlwind out of nowhere.
Warning: mention of causing wounds on people, non-threatening stalking behaviour (?), non-threatening breaking in behaviour (?), knife play but kinda tender, vaginal penetration, creampie
Word count: 3824
(more of the modern magic au here)
-
鎌鼬 (kamaitachi): a youkai in Japanese folklore that looks like a weasel with claws shaped like sickles (for the sake of visual aesthetics kamaitachi sakusa will have it on his tail instead). It is said that this youkai appear in the form of a whirlwind, knocking its victims to the ground before slitting long cuts on their skin. Despite the wounds, the person who got attacked would not feel any pain.
-
Sakusa Kiyoomi knocked you off your feet the moment he first entered your life as a strong whirlwind out of nowhere.
Quite literally, knocking you off balance and making you fall onto the ground on your knees.
He showed up in the form of a strong turbulent, tripping you when you were alone on the quiet streets of your neighbourhood. Sakusa eyed you up and down as you laid on the cement floor, too shocked by the man that appeared out of nowhere to even move. Your eyes widening when you saw the long tail swaying behind him and the sharp hook that was at the very end.
In a world where the inhuman and human lived as one society, the many youkais that had inhabited Japan way before your kind did were starting to blend into the modern city life as well. But there would always be some that could not, or refused to, give up on the way they had lived by far before they were anything but a story passed on from generation to generation.
Except, unlike the generations before, people of the current day now knew for a fact that these monsters lurking in the shadows were very much so real and waiting for a chance to strike when your guard was lowered.
The kamaitachi stared at his victim, finding somewhere to place the wound. The preferable tactic was to do it fast and precise, but Sakusa always had trouble with making a haste decision. Very inconveniently so, he had quite the distaste towards getting blood on himself and would rather pick a position on the delicate human body that would cause less bleeding. 
Blood was messy, and it was hard to wash off of the fleece on his tail once it got on there. He did not like the mess at all.
The purpose of youkais of his kind was not to cause bloodshed. Well, actually, he wasn’t all too sure what the purpose truly was, given that he really wouldn’t gain from any of this. He had simply been told that this was what his kind did, and he carefully followed this task bestowed on him by his origins for more years than any of the measly humans that had been tripped by his wind could count.
So that was what he had been doing ever since he had a memory of his existence, and he intended to finish his task this time around too. But when his eyes met yours, your lips slightly agape as you sat on the ground from the shock, he found that he couldn’t swing the hook of his tail down onto your skin.
His moment of hesitation was enough for you to come back to your senses, climbing up with scrambled steps as you dashed towards the direction of your house without the time to even look back.
Sakusa realised that he was staring at the floor when he snapped out of his trance, letting out a muffled groan as he looked towards the direction you had headed.
What was it? Why didn’t he do it?
Sakusa had never felt so tortured in his many years of life than he did after he let you escaped completely unharmed. He had failed his one job for the first time ever and he wasn’t the happiest about it. This wasn’t right. He couldn’t get you out of his head no matter how hard he tried and it was really, really irritating him. 
It must be that he couldn’t stand having an unfinished job, it must be it.
-
He spent the next few days in the air of the neighbourhood he saw you at, which wasn’t exactly his proudest moment. It was stupid for him to care so much about a random human that got away through luck, but he was determined that he would right his wrong. There were several times when he caught you alone, but he never managed to do it. He spent a lot of time observing you but always missing the prime timing. It could be that he was far too enticed by the book you were reading (which he tried very hard to see the title clearly because he was so far away from you), or he simply got lost in the way you laugh to yourself when you thought no one was watching (he was, in fact, watching), but he always remembered in absolute frustration that he was there for a proper reason when you had left. 
So he kept going back to you again and again, waiting for the chance to make his strike.
Not because he wanted to, absolutely not.
He swore he only found out about where you lived on accident. He wasn’t really intending to be so stalker-ish but one day when he didn’t see you around all day long when he was waiting for you to show up only to spot you pacing down the streets late at night, he thought that it was absolutely foolish for you to be alone at the hour and just had to make sure you got back to your place safely. Humans were very fragile creatures was what he had learned after years of observation, and if you happened to bump into any of the more vicious youkais or worse, vicious humans, then he wouldn’t get to finish his task with you gone.
(He grumbled, as if he wasn’t one of the said dangerous youkais lurking around.)
He had resisted the urge to look into your house. There were youkais that broke into people’s residents but that wasn’t the nature of his kind and he intended to stay in his own lane. But now that he knew where you lived, it was getting harder and harder for him to stay away.
Sakusa was circling the area midair one day when he saw that the door to your tiny balcony was wide open. He felt his eyelids jumped, did no one ever tell you that you should keep all doors and windows locked when you were out? He floated close with a disapproving tsk of his tongue, wanting to help you close it up when he got a brief glimpse of what was behind the window.
He swore to all the gods whose name he could not even remember because they were far too long to utter out that he had never seen a more horrendous sight.
He took a step back, absolutely disgusted. Had humans gotten to this point of their survival now? That they could live in a condition like this? “Unbelievable,” he muttered to himself as he tentatively entered your home, careful not to step on anything that was on the ground.
The trash can at the corner was filled to the top and threatening to spill out. He felt a sharp ache banging in his head when he saw the empty boxes piled up at the side. There were bunches of tissue paper shoved onto the back of your table that had no empty space on it with so many things that were scattered on top. Now that he started paying attention, there were marks on your balcony window clearly left behind because you never bothered to wipe it clean after downpours of rain.
Ridiculous. His brows furrowed together in disapproval, picking up any trash on the ground with the hook of his tail as he inspected the place.
This would not do, he would not allow it.
Right, he clicked his tongue as he looked around, searching for anything that resembled a broom, where should he start?
You were sure you must have tired yourself too much that you were starting to see illusions when you came home that night to see the same kamaitachi who had shoved you to the ground and proceed to let you escape furiously wiping your window with a towel hooked onto his tail while grumbling about how stubborn the stains were. You did not dare to move when he must have heard you come in, slowly and stiffly turning around until you two were staring at each other. Neither of you said a word, and you blinked as you tried to make sense of the situation.
You didn’t know that kamaitachis also break into people’s houses just to help with the cleaning?
“Um,” you gulped, feeling small under his inky eyes even though he was the intruder here, “do you want something to drink?”
This was wrong. Kamaitachis were not supposed to mingle with the mankind. He should have escaped through the little gap on the window he had left for ventilation (your house was far too dusty for his comfort), or throw you off by causing a whirlwind inside your tiny city apartment which was guaranteed to make quite the destruction., or just do what he thought he was there to do all along and slit an open wound on any part of your skin.
Sakusa Kiyoomi had a moment of silence when he realised that he didn’t want to do any of those things.
He did, however, really wanted warm tea.
-
Sakusa Kiyoomi made several discoveries about humans after he met you:
1. under the right amount of pressure, they are able to keep up with a hygienic living environment, you were just too lazy for your own good
2. they make really decent tea (you made him this thing where you pour tea onto rice and umeboshi once and he was completely floored)
3. they invite people to move into their residence as a gesture of affection (you had brought it up after he waited outside your balcony for a good hour before you came home and let him in, claiming that he always around anyways
4. youkai-human romances are a thing now and people wouldn’t get burned alive for it (you laughed very hard when he brought up his concerns on why you didn’t have any issues letting your neighbours see you with him, he didn’t understand why)
Oh, and they were soft, very soft. Sakusa held you just a little closer to his chest as you two sat cross legged on the mattress, his arms wrapped around your waist as he leaned his jaw onto your shoulder while you mindlessly played with his tail.
So soft.
“Careful,” he warned when he saw you tracing your finger along the edge of his reaping hook, “you’re going to cut yourself if you slip.”
You chuckled, watching as he flicked his tail as far away from you as he could. “Shouldn’t you want that to happen?” you mused, twisting around so you could see his face. The two dots above his eyebrow shifted as he narrowed his eyes, his lips pursed into one thin line. You could see the very tip of his tiny white ears peeking out of his wavy black curls, twitching ever so slightly.
He sighed, clicking his tongue at your triumphant expression like you had gotten him good. Light reflected on the silver blade as he lifted it up to your eye level, twisting it slowly so that it glimmered. He always kept the blade clean and sharp even though he hadn’t used it since meeting you. You could see your own reflection on the polished surface and you stared into his inky eyes through it.
For a moment, you were mesmerised, and you could hear your own breaths as your gaze travelled to the very tip of the hook which could draw blood even from the slightest bit of force.
“Omi,” you licked your lips and gripped onto his forearm that was around your stomach, “is it true that I wouldn’t feel it even if you slice down?”
His eyes widened, “I’m not hurting you.”
“I know, but is it?”
Sakusa paused, he hadn’t thought about it in a long time. Gently and with caution, he turned his hook to its dull edge and trail it up to your leg. You stiffen at the feeling of the cold metal on your skin, goosebumps rose on your skin where the hook just grazed past. 
“Apparently,” he said, his voice coming out as a whisper as he took in your reaction. Any hint of fear and he would pull back, but you only seemed to lean back against his chest even more as he brushed the blade along your calf. You were so delicate, he could leave such nasty scars on your skin if he did so little as flick down and you knew it. But the heaving of your chest only got more obvious when the edge of his blade reached higher and higher up on your leg until it was pushing up the hem of your shorts.
He stopped when the curved hook was right at the root of your thigh, and pressed the flat edge down.
He nearly lost control of himself when he heard the faintest resemblance of a moan slipping from your mouth.
“Do you like this?”
Your face burned up at the question and the gravel in his tone. His arms slowly pulled away from your waist, warm palms running along the curve of his waist until they were resting right at the side of your hips. Your breath hitched when you felt his fingers digging down and gripping onto the hem, the fabric of your shorts now bunched up around the silver hook.
“Do you like this?” he asked again, the fleece of his tail brushing against your skin as he crooked the tip. You could see it poking under the fabric, pulling it taunt around the edge, and you felt your own voice betraying you at the thought of how easy it would be for him to just ripped it to pieces.
“Yes.”
A loud tear ripped through the room and sent numbing sparks all the way to your scalp as you held your breath in reflectively, the hook gliding across the flimsy fabric of your room wear and dangerously close to the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. 
You whimpered when he slipped his hand under the baggy t-shirt you were wearing, pushing it up until your bare chest was out on display.
“Bite.”
You parted your mouth and took the hem between your teeth, the heat spreading onto the tip of your ears at your lewd position. He brought the sickle up, his eyes bearing at your form when he slowly ran the dull edge down the valley of your breast and onto your stomach. You wanted to arch against him so badly but held yourself still, your shoulders shaking slightly as you did not dare to move.
“I remember how people used to scream when my blade touches their skin,” his lips ghosted on where your neck met your shoulder, warm breath fanning onto you and making every hair on your back stood up. He sniggered when he heard your breath getting heavier when he brought the blade to your front. The chilling metal barely touched your nipple before it pebbled up and stood almost painfully. “But getting aroused... that is a first.”
“O- omi...” you managed to utter his name through your teeth and he brushed against your nipple with a flick, the feeling of steel still lingering on the sensitive bud.
“Look at you getting all antsy,” he clicked his tongue and the sound sent shivers down your spine. He shifted underneath you, hoisting you higher up on his lap. Something hard poked at your ass as he held you still, his erection pressed firmly against you through the shorts that were struggling to hold together.
You let out a pitiful whine when he hooked one nimble finger under the crotch of your panties while the sickle scrapped down from your shoulder to your arm, an inaudible rumble slipping from the back of his throat when he felt the slick that had seeped into the cotton.
Humans, their bodies react in the most fascinating ways.
You froze when the hook brushed past your inner thigh and under the strip of fabric his fingers were holding onto.
“Scared?” he asked, the elastic choking snugly around your skin in tension as he held the hook still, “just one wrong move and I could hurt the most delicate part of your body.”
You pussy couldn’t help but clench around nothing when he cut the last bit of fabric covering you with a forceful pull, the clear essence that was already pooling up all the more obvious when dripped onto the metal.
“Tsk tsk...” 
You could not even press your thighs together to get the friction you so desperately wanted with his hand giving you a squeeze in warning, bringing the hook up to your face as he turned it under the light. 
“You are getting my sickle all dirty,” he said, referring to the shine on the usually spotless surface that was from your arousal. Sakusa’s fingers danced along your inner thigh before bringing them to your sopping folds, brushing past your slit and felt the wetness gushing out.
He brought the hook to his lips and poked his tongue out, the sound of his tongue against the metal where it had just touched your skin forming a blood curling image in your head even though you could only hear him. He twisted his tail, letting his tongue ran along the blade from the base to the tip.
You whimpered when you felt the coldness of his saliva on the blade right at the side of your neck.
“Up.”
You shakily lifted yourself off his lap, getting onto your knees as you waited with bated breath. The sound of zippers had your heart pounding in your chest all while the sharp blade of the reaping hook was starting to make your skin go numb.
He could slit your throat if he wanted to.
Your jaw was aching from how hard you bite down and it only got worse when you felt his tip prodding at your entrance. He signaled you to sink down with a tap of his finger at the side of your hips. You could not hold yourself back anymore as his girth slowly stretched you out, your shirt falling back down over your abdomen as a breathy moan rolled off your tongue. 
“Mph-” your toes curled when he was balls deep inside of you and he tilted your head back until the curve of your neck leaned right on his shoulder with the tip of his sickle, the metal growing warm under your chin as he held you there.
He groaned at the feeling of your tight walls around his cock, the sudden penetration without any foreplay had your cunt now leaking with wetness just to get used to him. 
He slowly started rocking against you before upping his pace. He throbbed inside of you, the heat of him burning into your lower stomach and spreading all over your body. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your hips, guiding you to roll against him all the while never removing the blade from your neck. You let out a choked mewl when the tip of it trailed down your neck, poking against the fragile skin ever so slightly when he thrust up.
Sakusa had never felt any hint of emotions in his brain when he held his blade at any of his past victims, he did it because that was simply what his kind does and that was it. But when he saw the lighter streaks left on your skin where the tip of his sickle had pressed down on, your breaths rigid but with desire dripping from each heave of your chest, he felt all sorts of feelings screaming in his head until all he could do was lash them out through each merciless rut of his hips.
The sound of his balls slapping against your ass bounced off the walls as you panted, your hands threw back to circle around his neck the blade was pressed down flat on your neck. It almost felt like you were being choked as the metal grew warm on your skin, your eyes seeing white in the corners as your walls contracted around him and his name slurred off your tongue like a mantra.
A low moan rumbled from his chest at your walls clamping down on him and the vibration seeped through your back, making you whimper. You sucked in a hasty breath when the hook was removed from your throat, his tail stiffening up at the side as he felt his own climax getting close. He buried his face at the crook of your neck, muffling his moans as he held you tight against him.
He came with a shudder, his hands still clutching you tightly before his muscles relaxed and he slumped onto your body. Your lips parted to let out a soft sigh at the feeling of his release inside of you, the sticky substance slowly leaking out of your fluttering folds down onto the base of his cock with him still buried inside of you. 
His tail, the part that was just fur and not blade, rubbed soothingly against your waist as he gently lifted you off his lap. You whimpered at the feeling of his warmth leaving your body, the sudden emptiness making your still sensitive walls clenched and more of his cum trailed down. Turning you around so that you could lay on his chest, you listened to his heartbeats slowly easing down from the rapid beating as it rose and fell underneath your chin.
His tail was swung over your back, locking you in as his palm ran up and down on your back. You brushed at the white fleece with your finger, a light coo slipping past your lips at how soft it was. It was a wonder how just a few inches down and the fur would blend in with the unbending steel of his sickle.
“You know,” you said, still relishing in the feeling of his fur brushing past your finger tip, “sometimes I’m really glad that you tried to attack me that day.”
He huffed, “You mean you’re glad I didn’t actually do it?”
“Well,” you looked up, smiling a little as you stared into his inky eyes, “you would not be here if you didn’t stalk me weeks after that because you let me went away.”
“I did not stalk you.”
“Yes you did!” you laughed when he rolled his eyes. You paused, letting out a short hum before leaning your jaw on his chest again.
“I’m happy you did though.”
He looked down at your murmur, and closed his eyes as he took in your scent with his face buried into your hair.
Sakusa Kiyoomi came into your life as a strange, sudden whirlwind and in a stunning twist of events against his very nature, he stayed.
And he was very happy he did that too.
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distinctlywhumpthing · 3 years ago
Text
Together 4: Glass.
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CW: explicit language and content, torture, captivity, wounds, implied sex work, strangulation, choking, suicide (hanging), suicidal thoughts/explicit planning, mouth whump description (bleeding, asphyxiation, choking), breathing, attempted noncon, bruises, beating, conditioning, dehumanization, noncon touching, drugs, alcohol, multiple whumpees, multiple whumpers, whumpee as caretaker, letmeknowifimissedany
August once asked what they do to me. Mouthed it, like he couldn’t stop himself from forming the words, but didn’t bother voicing it out of horror or just because he knew I couldn’t answer. I wouldn’t fucking know where to begin anyway.
Probably down on my knees.
At this point, our situation boggles my mind even more than when they trained me to be silent. That was logical when you psychoanalyzed it but shit got fucked sideways when August came into the picture. It’s just senseless now, an unending labyrinth of manipulation and control. Double the captives means double the fun. I was lucky to be alone for so long. There were two others before him but never like this. In the grand scheme of things, they’re all mere drops of water in the swimming pool of my time here. It was another woman first, although I never learned her name. She seemed like a Tiffany or a Heather and was really pretty, too but never trusted me. Wouldn’t even look at me, as if I wasn’t just as much of a prisoner as her.
Poor thing was in the wrong place at the wrong time and saw something she shouldn’t have. She didn’t last long at all. Unraveled faster than you can say, “Money’s on the table.” You’d think she’d have a little more grit. I mean you hear stories and can only imagine the shit they put up with in that industry, but it was like something out of an exorcist movie. Crying hysterically, throwing herself at the walls and doors, and trying to strangle the life out of me like I was sitting on a key. They came in and intervened but not before she’d purpled my neck so I could barely breathe. That was the only time they ever took the shock collar off. She spent the next bit catatonic and then one day when they brought me back, she was dangling by her own diamond-studded jeggings from a pipe on the ceiling, toes just a few inches from the ground. Damn slow way to die. They took out the pipe.
I’ve given it a hell of a lot of thought myself. She’d obviously been trying something similar with smacking herself into the concrete walls, but that will only get you a concussion that makes it feel like you’ve gone a few rings deeper into Hell. No, thank you. My choice would be the naked lightbulb on the wall, next to the door. If I shoved it far enough down my throat before it broke, I’m pretty sure I would asphyxiate before they could do anything. The key would be to bleed enough into my bronchial tube and inhale enough shards of glass to shred my lungs a bit. A little internal bleeding down my esophagus wouldn’t hinder the cause but certainly wouldn’t be fatal on its own, never mind the risk of just cutting my tongue and mouth to ribbons if it breaks too early. In that case, I’d be fucked. That’s why Wyatt leaves it there, uncovered, even though other lightbulbs down the hallway have metal cages screwed over them. Tempting me to risk it. He also knows that, now, I’d never leave August. I feel responsible and that’s why he holds my life in his hands. The torture will never stop and August is better off with me to take care of him in whatever way I can, even if it doesn’t even come close to reparation.
The next guy was probably mid-thirties and built like a truck. I can’t begin to imagine what he did to wind up here. He didn’t take to captivity well either. Everything they’d put into him, he’d let out onto me. The first time, he was angling to get a sweeter kind of release than just wailing on me. I was pretzeled around one of the legs of my bed frame, while he punched and clawed at me, so hell-bent on not letting go, I was screaming my head off for help despite the collar. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Wyatt doesn’t like anyone to touch me. That went over like a lead balloon. Playing off his proclivity like somehow I had any right to decide not to be raped. Wyatt would have stopped it anyway and I could have saved myself the next few days of my bunkmate beating the living shit out of me undisturbed as long as he left it at just that. As soon as Wyatt decided I’d learned my lesson, or was sick of seeing me limping and bruised, that guy was fish food.
The second bed was empty for a long time after that even though I’m sure there were others. Wyatt has a list a mile-long of people he’d like to get his hands on for one reason or another, but I never saw them. Wyatt would still bring me out to toy with me in his usual ways. The buffoons would bring me out when he wasn’t around for entertainment but they know better than to touch me more than cursory shoves to keep me cooperating and even then, more often with their phones or other inanimate objects, rather than their hands. To them, it was endlessly entertaining to get me high out of my mind and mess with me or make me play Emma Fortyhands until I puked all over myself. I should have known Wyatt wasn’t wasting any time during this plateau of suffering. From what August says, he was here for a handful of days, maybe even two weeks, before they made us roommates. Wyatt just talked to him, drilling him for hours. He had been screening him, looking for the perfect match before binding us together in torment.
They always take me first and bring me straight to Wyatt. He likes to talk to me about what he has planned for August, trying to get a rise out of me. Like I’d be dumb enough to think that any amount of disgust or fear on my part would make a lick of difference for August. If anything, Wyatt would double it just for my reaction. Next, Wyatt makes sure I’ll make it through what he has planned for me without passing out. The humane thing would be to give me a second meal or something but instead, he gives me whatever his henchmen have lying around. An unpredictable twist added to my slow destruction. I’m lucky if it’s an energy shot or some gross drink that tastes like fruit-flavored battery acid and leaves me shaking. More often, it’s “just a bump” of something that makes my heart race and the whole session so unbearable I’m screaming in my head at the top of my lungs until I come down.
One time, he gave me a tab of acid. His favorite kind of experiment, the ultimate demonstration of his success. To no one’s surprise, I’m conditioned enough that I still didn’t speak and followed every instruction. That was, no contest, my worst day on this fucked-sideways merry-go-round. I was tripping so hard. Too slow and too fast at the same time, no distinction between myself and everything around me. Wyatt’s barbaric plan turned into a barbaric fuck-up. A small part of me understood what I had done even before I came down and when I stumbled out, I was met by silence instead of the usual dumb peanut-gallery comments. They threw me into the shower after, like always, but left me there for hours since I was still tripping. I was hysterical by the time they let me out. By some miracle, or just Wyatt perversely delaying the end, he had actually called a real doctor.
Today, Wyatt hands me a double shot of whiskey because it’s “cute” to watch me struggle when I’m tipsy. I knock it back in one swallow, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that frightens me. He finishes getting me ready and then smacks me on the ass to get me moving. Once I’m in the room, he starts feeding me instructions even though I already know what he wants from me today. This way, he’s in control of my every action, like he’s thinking for me, while I just focus on getting air into my lungs, fighting through the alcohol hitting my bloodstream and burning in my empty stomach. I can throw it up in the shower later if I need to. I just need to survive this.
By the time I stumble out, I’m inevitably a mess. Crying, shaking, and covered in sweat, even on the days I get the raw, straight edge experience. One of the baboons walks me to the small concrete room, empty except the industrial-looking shower head in the ceiling above the drain. The controls are on the outside of the room which is how they make sure the water is ice cold and stays on for exactly five minutes. They take the collar off and I get a bar of soap before they lock me in. It used to be orange soap bars that made my skin feel dry even wet. After that, it was green with the same problem but a stronger smell that clung to me all the time, which wasn’t half bad. Lately, it’s a white, rounder bar, that’s distinctly feminine, and leaves my skin soft, which would be concerning if I wasn’t already too balls-deep in my worst nightmare to care.
I used to dance in and out of the freezing shower while I soaped up but now I stay under the whole time. It’s the only thing that makes any damn sense anymore, the one small touch of reality in this shit storm. I stand under the frigid water and then shake and shiver once it’s turned off until the cold becomes a buzz on my skin and in my veins. Depending on the day, I wait for seconds or hours until they toss me a small, scratchy towel and clean clothes. The waiting is part of it. Not because I’m covered in goosebumps, muscles cramping so that I have to curl in on myself for heat, but because of what I know is waiting for me next.
When they finally let me out and lock me into the collar, it’s all I can do not to run back to our basement hole as fast as my legs will carry me to make sure August hasn’t bled out or gone into shock while they kept me from him. It’s all I care about anymore, helping him survive, making him as comfortable as possible. Honestly, it is the least I can do. It’s my fault he’s here at all, kept to be part of a set. Not to mention the heinous torture. If I had known, I would have done my damndest to kill him before it ever even started.
And I would have inhaled that fucking lightbulb immediately after.
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Taglist: @deluxewhump
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