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#when I do talk with ezra it's calming and we end up talking life and hobbies but tbh he gets to smart for me
httpghostface · 1 year
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texting my moots is so fun tbh.
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goddess-aelin · 2 years
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This is going to be such a long post but I feel like I need to get my thoughts out after the angsty ending from A Light in the Flame.
Overall Thoughts:
Umm I thought it was amazing. I know a lot of people were saying it was repetitive and I definitely get that but at the same time, I would literally read 600 pages of Nyktos and Sera eating breakfast so.... Anyway though, I loved the character journeys. I think good characters are what makes a good book and even if the rest is confusing and angsty, it's those character-driven moments that redeem it.
I've said it once and I'll say it again. This prequel series is so much better than FBAA. Not hating on FBAA but I just feel like Nyktos/Sera is so much more well-developed than any relationship in the main series. I love every single side character (yes, even you, Rhain, when you're being rude).
I was hooked from the beginning. How can you not be when it starts with the whole prophecy thing and continues from there with almost constant action. The first half was definitely repetitive, I can totally see that. But I also think that repetitive-ness helped to get the point across that Nyktos cares about Sera. Not the embers, but Sera. Even before they had any convo about forgiving her, I think his actions were speaking louder than words. Though it was a constant battle of "Sera, no." *Sera does the thing.* "How dare you not value your life. *Fucks* Ya know, the usual. Lol. Some of my new fave sera/ash scenes came from this book.
- I adored when he set up a bath for her and everything- it was such a sweet gesture.
-When he took her to the pool and literally just played and had fun, especially because he knew she missed her lake.
- The "I want to be your consort, Nyktos." and Nektas just laughing and knowing.
-The way they both are always stunned by each other. Like they do such sweet things and they are always, ALWAYS, surprised.
-The entire scene of Rhain asking her if she was in love with him and her not being able to answer because she had no idea what it felt like either.
-Her whole breakdown in the carriage because "Oh my gods, I might be in love with him!" Loved every minute of it.
- And then of course, him trying to get her to breathe and calm down when she was about to freak out over this.
-THE FOREHEAD KISS AT THE CORONATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE AND HE DID IT JUST BECAUSE HE COULD. I die
-The sweet but angsty talk about Veses that they needed to have tbh.
**Nyktos is literally the ultimate book BF, I said what I said. It's honestly refreshing to see this 200+ y/o male character that has like no sexual experience whatsoever yet it doesn't demean him or negate him as weak. Love that for him.
Non romantic scenes that melted/broke my heart:
-Sera holding Jadis when she fell asleep and Jadis feeling comfortable enough to switch into human form.
-Reaver then getting the blanket for Jadis and just being a weird little kid. I love it.
-Jadis giving a kiss on the forehead to Sera before going to Kolis. Sera's gonna be such a good mom even if one of her children is a giant piece of shit.
-Ector trying to calm Sera down in the carriage and just talking to her.
- The friendships with Aios and Bele and pretty much everyone just finally forgiving Sera.
-Ugh going back to see Ezra! I needed more sister love tho tbh. They didn't even hug!
Now for the painful parts:
-Aios dying. Like wow. This 100% is number one. I was devastated when Sera saw Ector's decapitated head. But then she saw Aios' red hair and I literally almost threw my damn book. I'm so happy she's ok in the end but RIP Ector.
-When Sera saw Nyktos with Veses. I know we got an explanation for it in the end but I was incredibly stressed and about to unstan Nyktos. I hate cheating (even if that's not what it was) as a trope and tbh I hate miscommunication as a trope. So this entire part of the book was just devastating to me.
-Sera's reaction to the above. She was in love with him already, she just didn't know it. I felt her reaction so viscerally, though. I suppose that's a testament to JLA's writing in this book.
-Sera constantly being told that she's going to die and there's nothing that can be done. Just when they think there might be another way, nope it's just death again. I love that Nyktos is fighting so hard for her and I have some theories that I'll make another post for, but I do find it very ironic. The entire situation was Sera was meant to make Nyktos fall in love and then kill him. Oops except he can't love. And now instead, she's the one who fell in love and now he has to kill her to literally save the world. What a 180. A fabulously done 180 but a shocking one, nonetheless.
Another post will be coming about theories!
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phoenixyfriend · 3 years
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Ezra and Fulcrum’s Wacky Adventure
Ezra's attempt to save Ahsoka on Malachor by fucking around with space-time goes wonky, and the two of them end up in the first year of TCW... with Vader in pursuit.
"You're Ahsoka... from the future?"
"Sure am, Skyguy."
"And that's your padawan."
"A friend's padawan. His master died recently, and I'm keeping an eye on him until we figure something out."
"Right, right... and, uh, mister tall, Dark, and horrifying?"
"Oh, that's future you."
"..."
"Yeah, Palpatine's a Sith Lord and he's been grooming you for a decade. Shit’s fucked. Anyway, get ready to jump, Vader’s gaining on us."
I just have this mental image of hyper-competent "I am no Jedi" Fulcrum leading 20yo Anakin and angstiest ever Ezra on a merry ride called "avoid Vader before he kills us all."
Intermittently she tries to talk Vader down with "Padme's still alive!" and that sort of not-quite-reassurance, and Anakin is getting very concerned about... many things.
Smol Ahsoka is very "future me scares me." Like yeah Fulcrum is a badass but Fulcrum is also incredibly blase about like. Really horrifying things.
Fulcrum's had a long time to come to terms with "Vader is probably Anakin" and a week or two to come to terms with "Vader is DEFINITELY Anakin and also trying to kill me and this child (teenager) I'm currently in charge of." She's coping by making very morbid jokes and being scarily calm about things, and just overall Very Unperturbed about, like, an explosion going off two feet away from her.
She keeps dropping bombs like "Yeah, all the clones have mind-control chips in their heads with orders to kill us or themselves and I remember like a solid half of you trying to kill me in particular, it was a very formative experience for how I dealt with the rise of the Empire" with the most unassuming, bland smiles.
Everyone's horrified except Fulcrum herself and Ezra, who grew up in the Empire and has never known anything else, but ALSO he's consistently freaking out and having negative reactions to shinies and even some of the older clones because even painted phase one armor is setting off 'These are stormtroopers' PTSD.
So there's:
- that general "Vader fucks around and everyone, including Sidious and Tyranus, is trying to figure out the identity of this absolute motherfucker wrecking everyone's shit with no restraint or apparent care in target allegiance"
- "a friend from The Future shows up to tell you about the horrible, horrible fate everyone is going to suffer, now you have to fix it"
- "Future Me tried to kill The Little Sister?????"
Do you think your teenager is traumatized now, Anakin? Think again! In eighteen years, it's going to be so much worse, and it's going to be in large part your fault!
Fulcrum, smiling: Humor makes the trauma bearable.
Anakin: [concerned noises]
@atagotiak: I have this mental image of Anakin and Fulcrum making the very inadvisable decision to spar
Fulcrum thinks she’s able to handle it. She’s not.
She has the skills! But. Uh. Panic attacks are fun, especially when they take the form of "my brain flipped a switch and I could no longer process that this was a spar and not a fight to the death."
Ezra suggests that maybe she'd be better off sparring with General Kenobi instead of Skywalker. Ezra can spar with Mini-Soka and Anakin, he's fine with that. He knows Vader is Anakin but it's just a Fact, like "there are this many stars in the Chommel sector." It's certainly true but he has no emotional connection to this information.
Tia: It’s not great for Fulcrum mentally and also tbh it seems like there might be a risk of her injuring Anakin. Probably not too seriously just because the sabers aren’t gonna be full power but still, seems like something to avoid
Does she flinch around non-Rex 501st clones? Probably!
Fulcrum: Here's a list of clones we're likely to encounter that I'm not going to panic around.
Anakin: ...there’s only three names on this list.
Fulcrum: Yeah.
Tia: Trying to figure out what her opinion of Bail Organa must be. Which is complicated by how I haven’t seen Rebels.
I mean yeah there’s some degree of trust and respect and stuff there. But in the novel at least I didn’t really get any friendship vibe from them. To be fair I’m pretty sure they barely knew each other at the point.
“He’s trustworthy but a much sneakier motherfucker than anyone gives him credit for.”
"We aren't friends but I would lay down my life for him without hesitation"
"He's very soft compared to Jedi or clones but he's almost stupidly brave and apparently tried to help when he saw the Temple go up in flames, it's wild."
"But you're not friends?"
"Nah, future Bail was kind of my boss and I saw him once every two years if that. He has my ultimate respect, though. Ten outta ten, would become a black ops agent for again."
Tia: “Also his office is very fun to break into”
The looks that last one gets her.
Obi-Wan was nodding along because Yeah, he Gets It, Bail is incredibly impressive for a politician, he's a good man with a good heart and nerves of steel! Obi-Wan also finds him worthy of total loyalty! This is all--his office is What.
Fulcrum: Hey, you wanna know something terrible?
Anakin: No.
Fulcrum: Too bad, telling you anyway.
Fulcrum gets a lot of mileage out of being the future version of one of Anakin's current Five Most Important People (Obi-Wan, Padme, Ahsoka, Palpatine, Rex) since the twins haven't been born yet and Shmi's already dead.
Also, Tia pointed out that Caleb is like eleven at this point, and that’s very awkward for Ezra.
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ackerfics · 2 years
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You know those “their kids ask why you call them daddy” scenarios, well imagine if in the lock universe they had a daughter (let’s say like 3-4) and it’s breakfast time so when eren comes downstairs from his slumber while the boys are in the living room (playing x box or something) d/n runs up to him “daddy!” she squeals holding up her arms as a signal to hold her, and dad!eren smiles picking her up and kissing her chubby cheeks, then d/n asks rather blankly “daddy is mommy your baby too?” and eren says grinning to the point his dimples are showing. “of course, she’s been my baby before you were” and gives you a semi hungry loving gaze when you turn around, satisfied with his answer; and it’s just a sweet warm moment (not counting caspein gagging in the background trying not to vomit at his parents sudden affection) and then she says in the most innocent way possible “ohh so that’s why mommy calls you daddy at night~” and giggles as a sign of relief finally having an answer to her curiosity when she woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare debating to either go to her elder brothers room (probably ezria’s) or yours seeking comfort, then finally decided on heading to your room and was about to knock but kept hearing faint chanting of your voice saying the words “daddy faster” confused, decided just to go back to her room *end of flashback* and you and eren just look at each other then look at the couch knowing that’s where your children most liking over heard there sisters all but innocent comment. watching ezria choking on his coke trying to catch his breath controller long forgotten, caspain getting up and yelling in a cracky voice looking in your direction “WHAT THE FUCK DAD WERE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN” then sped past them running out of the house crying having flashbacks on how his precious little sister was conceived *cue dramatic classical music* and aran just giving up hope on not hearing/witnessing his parents sex life anymore and not even reacting just sitting their continuing to read his book (secretly dying on the inside)
(It’s like 3:33am and I’ve been studying for the past 4 hours and, yes this just randomly occurred to me, might go anon💀)
oh my gosh, love, you need to rest :(( the best way to retain information during revisions is to get enough rest. now, we don't want you going through the day in exhaustion 😤
nonetheless, this scenario is hilarious holy shit hhhfjfj
lock!eren and reader's baby girl would be the cutest little human being to ever exist (i've named her eileen in my head), so, when she says that to her parents with the cutest head tilt and emerald irises, eren felt his entire world stop. he already went through the most embarrassing moment of his life — his sons getting a glimpse of his and your sex life — now, he felt shame sinking in because of one innocent question that led to another exposé. almost
immediately, ezra chokes and sputters out his chosen beverage because it went down the wrong pipe. he feels the strongest urge to take his baby sister away from their father and hug her, begging her to forget anything that she heard for many nights now. still in shock, he doesn't notice that caspian paused the game and stands up from the couch. "really?! not the kinks again! thank God i stopped calling you," caspian points at a very red eren jaeger, "daddy when i was in fourth grade!" you try to calm him down but he's still talking about how that certain memory traumatized him to this day. aran, bless his soul, stops reading to rub the bridge of his nose before turning to his younger brother, promising him a tall glass of ice cream sundae if he shuts his mouth. that does the trick. ezra, who finally puts a stop on his trance, stands up and walks to his father. with a blank stare, he gently takes little eileen to his arms and murmurs, "remind us to do some soundproofing in your room as our next birthday gift to you, dad."
a normal day in the jaeger home, i guess. 😭
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jenstar1992-2 · 4 years
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May I please request an older!Captain Rex x reader drabble where you're married and there with Rex, Gregor and Wolffe when Ezra and the rebels come to Rex for help?
Ask and you shall receive. 😊 Here it is, took me a minute to start writing again, but I finally got around to it. I know this is not really a drabble, I didn’t start out with the intention on making it long, especially not THIS long, but here we are. It's been a good minute since I last wrote anything so hopefully this is ok, and I hope you like it. Also, sorry it went a bit off the rails there, did not mean for it to get so angsty and junk, but my brain was going, and my fingers just kept typing, tried to end it happy though so… yeah.
Trust
Pairing: Older! Rex X Fem! reader
Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of order 66, reader being very protective of her boys, feels all around really, a bunch of married couple fluff (not really a warning, just wanted to mention it), it does get a little saucy at the end, nothing crazy, more talk than anything else
Word Count: 11,113
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"We've got company", you hear Gregor say as he eyes the screen in front of him. You stand from your seat and make your way over to him.
"What is it", you ask, looking over his shoulder to inspect the image on the screen for yourself.
"Looks like an auxiliary starfighter of some kind."
"What's it doing out here?"
"I'm more concerned about who's inside it", Rex says from behind you. You turn to face your husband, giving him a curious look.
"Who the hell would be all the way out here? We're in the middle of nowhere", you say, holding your arms out and gesturing to the space around you before folding them at your chest.
"Exactly, who in their right mind would land in the middle of nowhere, and conveniently right in our path."
"You think it's something we should be worried about?"
"Don't know, just seems a bit suspicious is all", he says, lifting his hand to his chin, rubbing it with his index finger in thought.
There's a short moment of silence before you break it. "Well", you say with a little clap of your hands to break Rex out of his thoughts and bring him back to reality. "Let's check it out, who knows, maybe their friendly." You walk to the door and look back to the three men, giving them a smile and waiting for them to follow.
Wolffe chuckled and shook his head. "Ah (Y/N), always the optimist." His comment making you smile a little wider.
"Hey, it's gotten me this far", you say with a little shrug.
They all chuckle at that as they move to join you by the door. Wolffe and Gregor each grabbing their weapons on the way. You give them a confused look before Wolffe states, "Just in case."
You smile and nod, absentmindedly placing your hands to your hips, where they ghost over your lightsabers that you keep strapped there. You didn't know why you kept them on, it's not like you ever used them, never had to after coming to this deserted planet, where nothing much ever happens. But you kept them there, if for no other reason than it just felt wrong not having them on you. Your lightsabers were an extension of yourself after all, at least that's what your master taught you. As you reach to open the door, your hand gets caught in a gentle grip. You turn, raising your eyebrow at Rex who only offers you a soft smile. "I'll go first cyar'ika."
A small grin forms on your lips. "As always", you reply, moving aside to let him take the lead. As he passes you, he places a soft kiss on your forehead.
"Yep, always", he confirms before opening the door and walking out into the bright sunlight, you and the other two men right behind him.
You walk up to the railing and gaze down warily at the group that had just exited the starfighter. "It's a bunch of old geezers, well mostly old geezers", one of them says, a lasat from the looks of him.
"Well- armed old geezers", the Mandalorian girl adds.
"What do you want", Rex asks, sounding a bit gruffer than usual. You guessed he was trying to sound more intimidating. You would've laughed if you weren't also trying keep a serious front.
"We're looking for someone", responded the man in the group.
"Well, that's too bad, cause there's nobody out here", Rex says while leaning on the railing.
The boy speaks up next and asks, "Hey, uh, does the number 7567 mean anything to you?" You all straighten simultaneously.
"What did you just say", you asked, a small ball of anger beginning in your chest.
"Uh, I said 7567", the boy responded.
You looked over to Rex who still had his gaze set on the group below. "Well, that's my birth number", he tells them.
You see the man's eyes light up with recognition, like he's had a realization. "They're clones", he says angrily. He then pulls out a lightsaber and ignites it, stepping in front of the others.
"It's the jedi, they've come for revenge", you hear Wolffe say from your right before he fires a few shots at the man, who blocks them easily. You then see the man take a few more steps forward, looking like he wanted to jump up to your level and take you all out, but you weren't about to let him get that far. Acting on instinct, you grabbed your sabers from your hips and jumped down to the ground, landing just a few feet from him, your sabers igniting as soon as your feet hit the dirt. You stood in a defensive stance, ready to attack if he made even a single wrong move.
"I wouldn't if I were you", you told him in a tone that said you weren't messing around.
"She's a jedi", the boy said from behind the man, surprise clear in his voice.
"Stand down troopers, that's an order", you heard Rex bark from above. "(Y/N)", he then said in a softer tone. You knew what he wanted, but you were far from relenting, you needed to keep your men safe.
"Not gonna happen", you responded, still not taking your eyes off the man in front of you.
"Kanan stop, we have to trust them remember?" The boy seemed to be trying to reason with the man. You continued to glare at him, an action which he reciprocated. You stayed like that for a few more seconds until you heard your name being called again, even more gently than before.
"Please cyare, put them away", Rex calls down, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He knows all you need is a little push to send you over the edge at this point. You were always like this when anyone or anything threatened the safety of your men, you'd been that way for as long as he’d known you and he didn't see that ever changing. Not that he didn't respect the hell out of you for it. He and his brothers always appreciated the way you defended them with such vigor. However, Rex also knew that this wasn't the time for that. Something told him that they should be trying to make friends in this situation, instead of starting a fight.
"Not until he does", you finally reply.
The boy puts a hand on the man's shoulder, giving him a pleading look. Kanan sighs before deactivating his lightsaber and returning it to his hip. He then looks at you expectantly. You regard him for a few more moments before you too put your sabers away. Once you re-attached them, you turned and jumped back up to your original position, grabbing the railing and easily pulling yourself up and over it, before coming to stand beside your husband. You cross your arms over your chest, still feeling a bit defensive. Rex could feel your tension and responded by wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you closer to his side, feeling you relax just a bit.
The boy took this opportunity to make his introductions. "My name's Ezra. This is Kanan. That's Sabine and Zeb", he said while pointing out each of his comrades. "It's nice to meet you, 7567."
Rex felt you stiffen a bit in his grasp. You hated when anyone referred to him by his number and not his name. It had started as a pet peeve, but as time went on you just saw it as downright disrespectful and then it just straight up pissed you off. Rex knew this and it was just one of the millions of reasons he loved you so much. He could feel you prickling up with anger again. He moved the hand holding your waist to your hip and gave it a light squeeze in an attempt to calm the storm brewing inside you. This was your way of telling each other that everything was okay and not to be upset, light squeezes or soft touches, usually followed by a reassuring look. After this he again felt you start to calm. It was crazy the affect you two had on each other, it was damn near magic.
"Actually, my name is Rex. Captain, 501st Clone Battalion. Meet Commanders Gregor and Wolffe", Rex introduced the men standing behind you before looking to you, pulling you to him in a tighter one-armed embrace, "and this beautiful ball of fire is our General, (Y/F/N, Y/L/N). I know she seems a bit rough around the edges, but once you get to know her, you'll find she's pretty amazing." You looked to Rex after your introduction to notice him looking at you with an expression of pride, like he had just showed off his most prized possession, which in a way, you were. Rex never had much, but he always had you, and that's all he ever wanted. Your love and adoration were all he needed to feel as though he had a fulfilling life. Something he reminded you of on more than one occasion. You couldn't help but smile back at him, that same adoration clearly visible in your gaze.
You both were brought back to the present when you heard Ezra's voice addressing you. "We were sent by Ahsoka", he told you. Your ears perked up at the mention of your friend, turning to look at the boy.
"Ahsoka?"
Rex grinned. "Ahsoka Tano. We fought by her side from the battle of Christophsis to the siege of Mandalore", he said reminiscently.
"A friend of Ahsoka's is a friend of ours", you said, finally offering the group a genuine smile. Ezra smiled back, glad to see the fighting was over.
***
You and the boys had decided to help the crew of the Ghost to find a place to set up their rebel base. You could tell they were grateful for your help, most of them anyway. Kanan still seemed to distrust your little squad. When you thought about it you couldn't totally blame him. From what you could tell, Kanan was a young man, which meant that he would've still been a young padawan near the end of the clone wars, which also meant that he had to endure the horror that was Order 66 at a young age. You remember how terrible it had been for you, Ahsoka, and Rex. Not to mention the countless others who had to watch their allies, their friends turn on them, not knowing why. You had felt their pain, their fear, their feeling of betrayal, all before they were silenced. Then there were the clones who had their chips removed and had been traumatized at what they had almost done, what most of their brothers did do, even if it was out of their control. It took a heavy toll on all of you, and even though so much time had passed, it still hurt like hell. So yeah, you could understand his feelings, but if you were going to all work together successfully, then he had to lay some of that aside and learn to trust you, and the clones. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you figured it couldn't hurt to try and talk to him.
You were walking topside on your way to the Phantom for what you knew was going to be an uncomfortable talk, at best. As you approached the vessel you saw Rex standing by its entrance talking to whoever was inside. "We all have a choice", he said as you reached his position. He then turned to walk away, stopping after a few steps when he saw you standing there. He had a saddened expression that made your heart hurt, but before you could ask what was wrong, he walked past you, only stopping for a moment to bring your forehead to his, a gesture that meant he wasn't okay, but he would be. You nodded and let him leave, then turned to continue your little mission.
As you walked to the entrance of the phantom Ezra emerged, giving you a sad smile before passing you to join the rest of his crew up front. Once he was gone you focused your attention on Kanan who was facing away from you, fiddling with his lightsaber. "Hey", you called, trying to sound like you weren't still a little pissed at him.
"Hi", he said, rather unenthusiastically.
"Well, aren't you all warm a fuzzy", you said sarcastically.
"Can I help you with something, because if not then please leave me be, I have things to do." You rolled your eyes. This was going to be harder than you thought.
"Mm, yeah, that seems real important", you say, pointing to the saber in his hand that he had been detaching and re- attaching the same piece on for the past minute. He gave you a look over his shoulder, but you ignored it continuing. "Anyway, I was hoping we could talk."
"About what?"
You crossed your arms. "You know what." He just continued his mindless fiddling, so you sighed and went on. "Look, I understand your feelings towards the clones, I even understand your feelings towards me, but if we're going to work together here then you need to put all that aside, even if it's just for the time being. Do you think you could do that?" You looked at him with a sympathetic, yet hopeful look.
"Put it aside, put it aside?" His voice had raised to where he was just short of yelling at you. "How do you suggest I do that, huh? Maybe to you the war was a long time ago, but to me it feels like it could've been yesterday. The pain is still fresh to me, I can't forget it or set it aside as I please, it's always there and it always will be. I can't just sit here and act like I'm okay when everything here reminds of that awful day, the day I lost my master, the one time she needed me most and I couldn't save her. How can I put it aside when every time I turn around here I see the faces that murdered her?” That was it, that was what tore the last piece of patience from you.
"ENOUGH!" He froze, obviously not expecting the amount of anger that now radiated off you in waves. "Listen, you son of a bitch, I've tried to be patient, I've tried to be understanding, hell, I tried to be genuinely nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to nice, so this is how it's gonna go." You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought his face only inches from yours. "You are going to buck the kriff up and get over your bantha shit until this is over, and if you hurt or disrespect my men again, you won't be leaving this planet intact, do I make myself clear?" You made sure to emphasize those last five words.
He looked at you, still shocked, for a moment before narrowing his eyes and giving you a bitter, "Yes Ma'am."
You instantly released your grip, letting him go. "Good, as long as we're on the same page, you can go back to your 'oh so important' work." You made you way back to the door but stopped just as your one foot passed the threshold. You turned slightly before saying in a low voice, "You know, you’re not the only one that lost people that day." You paused as so many faces flashed through your mind, all the friends you lost, even ones before the end of the war, all the faces that plagued your thoughts so often. "Survivor’s guilt is a hell of a thing, believe me, I know... we all know", and that's all you left him with before you quickly made your exit, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay, you weren't about to show him that kind of weakness in you, not when you had to stay strong, not when you had your family to protect.
You made your way to the front with the others, seeing Ezra and Sabine leaning on the rail, talking casually. Sabine was the first to notice you approaching. "Oh, hey General (Y/L/N)", she said, smiling as she turned to fully face you. Her smile quickly faded when she took in your expression. "Are you okay", she asked, her voice laced with genuine concern.
You stopped in front of her, finally looking up to meet her gaze. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm alright", you replied, giving her a reassuring smile, hoping it was believable. "Oh, and you don't need to call me that. It's (Y/N). Not need for formalities with me, no matter what the boys say." She nodded, turning back to lean on the rail as you moved to stand between the two teens, copying their actions. "So, what were you two talking about before I interrupted", you asked, hoping that a casual conversation with some young bloods would help get your mind off of that upsetting talk you had only moments ago.
"Nothing much, just that you guys seem to have a pretty nice setup here, living the quiet life and all", Ezra said, gesturing toward the modified tank you were all currently on.
You chuckled. "I don’t know if quiet is the word I'd use, if there's one thing these boys are not, it’s quiet, but I get your meaning", you said, smiling at the young teen.
"It makes me wonder though." You turned at Sabine's words to look at the girl. "Wonder what", you asked.
"Well, I can see how this life is desirable for the clones, I mean I'm sure the war took its toll on everyone, but it must've even more so on them. So, a nice quiet life of isolation seems like a nice reprieve if anything else", she said, pausing to look at you, seeming to contemplate her next words before continuing her thought. "But you’re a jedi."
"And", you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.
"Well, all the jedi I know can't seem to stay in one place for very long, not unless there's a point to it anyway. Plus, if anyone should want the downfall of the empire, it should be the jedi. You guys were peacekeepers after all, and with the empire in control there hasn't been any true piece to be found. I don't know, I guess I just thought you'd be fighting with the rebellion, instead of hanging out here slinging for joopa with retired clone troopers." She looked at you with a confused expression.
You sighed before responding, "I get your logic, and you're right, if anyone deserves a quiet life away from all the violence out in the galaxy, it's the clones. We all went through it and it was bad for all of us, but they really got screwed more than any of us in my opinion. We at least had some semblance of a choice in the matter, but the clones, they were forced into a war they had nothing to do with, and not even a light at the end of the tunnel to work toward. Most clones had no idea what would happen to them after the war, or what they would do. If you ask me, these boys deserve much more than this 'quiet' life." You leant over the railing again, looking to the ground below. "You're right about the rest too. We were peacekeepers, at least, we were supposed to be, and I do want the empire to fall, but...", you paused, not sure why you were divulging so many of the thoughts you'd kept to yourself for so long, even during the war, you hadn't fully voiced your opinion on these topics with anyone but Rex, and that was only in confidence, in those precious moments when it was just the two of you, the world outside a distant thought as you held each other and talked throughout the night. These and other hard topics would come up now and then, but you'd never have thought that you'd be here telling those same thoughts to two teens who you'd only just met earlier that day. You realized it was because, for reasons unknown to you, you trusted them, and you guessed that was enough. "When the war ended, and the empire took power, I was lost. We all were", you continued. "Ahsoka, Rex, and I, we were together when it happened, and if it hadn't been for that, well, I don't know where I'd be right now. Maybe I would've joined the rebellion, if I had somehow been able to survive on my own. But that's not how things played out. I was able to keep those closest to me and then I had a decision to make. Join another fight and risk the one thing that gives my life purpose or keep them safe and away from the danger." You stood straight, looking to Sabine. "We all have a choice, and I made mine. I chose family, I chose him."
"Rex", she said, confident in her understanding of your words. You gave her a short nod, then looked away, staring at the empty landscape before you.
It remained silent for a moment until Ezra spoke up, wanting to voice the question that had been on his mind. "Rex said that he never betrayed his jedi, is that true?"
You smiled, turning your attention to Ezra now. "Yes, it's true. It wasn't easy though, those damn chips really did their jobs well. I had never seen him fight so hard against anything the way he did with that thing. Imagine fighting your own body and mind simultaneously because that's what he did, for us. He didn't want to hurt us, and his hesitation gave us the chance we needed to escape. I had never been more relieved than I was to see that damn thing removed from his head. I owe Ahsoka a lot for that, it was her quick thinking that saved him in the end. Well, her... and Fives", you said, a sad expression taking over your features as you thought of your fallen friend, and the sacrifice he made trying to save you all.
"Who's Fives", you heard Ezra ask from beside you.
"A good man, one of the best, who deserved better", you said somberly.
The silence that settled over the three of you was thick with conflicting emotions and full of unasked questions that you were sure would stay that way, which you were grateful for.
You almost jumped at the sound of the door sliding open behind you, turning around to see Rex coming though it towards the three of you. "I've assembled a list of potential bases and clearance codes and a few protocols the imperials still use. Should be of some use", he tells Ezra, who promptly thanked him. Sabine then went inside to collect some data tapes. Rex came to stand beside you. "So, what'd I miss out here", he asked, looking between you and Ezra.
"Oh, nothing much, just telling the kids some old war stories", you said, trying to make it sound as if it had been as simple as that.
"Oh yeah? Hope they were some of the good ones", he said, grinning at you.
"Were there any good ones, because I don't remember the war being all that fun." You hadn't even noticed Kanan enter the vicinity. You instantly frowned and crossed your arms, giving him a look that told him not to test you. He heeded the warning and turned away from you all, looking outward and shaking his head in disapproval, but he stayed silent.
"Actually, (Y/N) was telling us about what you did for her and Ahsoka, about how you saved them", Ezra interjected.
Rex scoffed at that. "If memory serves, it was the other way around. Without her and Commander Tano, I don't think I'd be standing here today", he said, looking back to you, his gaze turning to one of pure adoration. You couldn't help but smile back at him.
Ezra smiled, a knowing look in his eye. "So, I guess you were telling the truth after all. You didn't betray your jedi."
You both turned your attention back on the boy. "Nope. Even married one of 'em", he responded, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against his side. “Best decision I ever made too.”
You sent a sideways grin his way. “Yeah, only took you forever to ask”, you said, finally dropping your arms to mimic his hold and wrap one around his waist.
He laughed, “Sorry cyar'ika. I would’ve asked sooner but we were in the middle of a war.”
“I know, I know”, you said, lifting your free hand to let it caress his cheek lightly before coming to rest your curved finger under his chin. “I just like messing with you”. Rex continued to grace you with a soft smile. But soon your quiet moment was ruined by someone’s loud scoffing, causing you to drop your hand and glare at the offender. “You have something to say, Ponytail”, you asked, your hand now going to your hip, your other staying securely around your husband, acting as your lifeline to sanity. You knew you shouldn’t let this guy rile you up, but you couldn’t help it, he was just so infuriatingly stubborn and took every chance he could to be rude.
“Yeah actually, I do have something to say…”, he started to say, but Ezra tried to intervene.
“Kanan, maybe you shouldn’t. They’re doing us a favor here remember. So maybe we should be, oh I don’t know, nice”, he said, giving his master an almost pleading look.
Kanan scoffed once more, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nice, you want me to be nice? I don’t know Ezra, it’s kind of hard to be nice to someone who not only chooses clones over her own people, but then come to find she broke her code to have a relationship with one of them. Then to top it all off, she goes off to conspire with the traitors”, he said, raising his voice.
You let go of Rex to cross your arms as well, but feeling the rage start to build in you Rex kept his hold on you, knowing if he didn’t this might turn into an all-out fist fight, or worse. “My people huh? Well, I don’t know how things were for you in the order, but let’s just say that by the end of the war, my faith in the jedi was heavily skewed. I couldn’t trust the order anymore, not like I used to. The only people I could truly trust were my friends and my men, and most times they were one in the same. I know you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to clones, and, as I said before, I get it. However, I can tell you something with absolute certainty, and that is that my husband is no traitor. Rex is a good man, and loyal as hell. For as long as I’ve known him, never once has my faith in him been shaken, not even on that day. He would’ve laid his life down to save Ahsoka and I, damn near did too, just like countless times before. So many of those men risked their lives for me and the other jedi over the course of the war, and I can never thank them enough for that. I knew my men, and they never would’ve turned on us unless they were forced to. It was out of their control, and I can never hold hatred in my heart for them because of it.” You lowered your arms to rest at your sides, deciding you didn’t want to start another fight, and sighed. “Look, I know I can’t tell you how to feel, and I know you’re angry and still grieving. I also know that, that pain will never truly go away.” You see his angry expression falter a bit at your words, his arms releasing a small amount of tension. “I’m sorry about your master, but don’t let her death shape your feelings towards everything that reminds you of it. Don’t let your feelings blind you from the truth.”
He looked you square on the eye then. “How do you know you aren’t letting your feelings blind you from the truth”, he asked bitterly.
You gave this some thought before answering. Meeting his eyes, you said, “Because, at the end of the day, I never let those feelings control my actions. I could love Rex and still do my duty and so could he.” You gestured to Rex, who was now watching you as you spoke. “We never let our relationship get in the way of our responsibilities.”
“She’s right”, Rex spoke up, finally taking his eyes from you to direct his words to Kanan. “Even though it might’ve been hard sometimes, we never let anything keep us from dutifully serving the republic. We had agreed in the very beginning, nothing would sway us from playing our parts in the war, not even our love for each other.” He looked to you with a solemn expression, and you knew he was reliving the same memories that you were in that moment. Remembering all the times you two had parted ways, off on your own missions, saying a bitter goodbye, not knowing if it would be your last.
You were snapped out of your memories when Kanan finally spoke, “That… that must’ve been tough.” You both looked back to him but kept silent so he could finish. “Living day in and day out, with that fear of not knowing what day might be your last was something I think we all felt during the war, and that was hard to cope with at times. But to have that and feel that same fear for another person at the same time… that couldn’t have been easy, and I can tell you that to an extent, I understand how that is now. You never know what’s coming, and you can only hope that the person you care for survives it all, because if they don’t… well, you don’t know what you’ll do.” Kanan’s eyes were cast to the ground beneath him, a sullen look adorning his features.
Ezra stared at his master with a sad but understanding look. Clearly, he knew of who Kanan was referring to, you thought.
After letting a thick silence fill the area around you all for some time, you finally decided it was time to try and end this squabble, for real this time. You cleared your throat. “So… can we come to a truce then”, you asked, stepping from Rex’s hold and moving toward Kanan, holding out your hand for him to shake. He eyed it for a moment, then looked up to meet your eyes. You gave him a hopeful lopsided grin and a little shrug. Come on, what do you have to lose.
He slowly extended his hand, grabbing yours in a firm handshake. “Okay, truce, but I’m still going to be keeping a close eye on you all while we’re here”, he said with a serious tone before he gave you a small grin.
You let out a light huff of laughter and said, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” You released his hand and made your way back into your husbands waiting arms. You gave each other a quick hug before turning back to face Ezra who was now smiling at the two of you. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled. So, can we all be friends now”, he asked, making all three of you chuckle.
Suddenly the door next to you slid open and Sabine emerged looking upset, waving a holopad in the air. You were about to ask her what was wrong, but she spoke first. “The clones gave us up. They warned the Empire we’re here”, she said in a huff.
“Wait what”, Ezra asked, shocked.
“You’re mistaken. We would never do that”, Rex said, reaching for the holopad, clearly confused.
Sabine snatched it away from his grasp. “I found the binary transmission to the Empire”, she said, pointing to the screen in her hand, “and there are messages Ahsoka sent to Rex and (Y/N) that they never answered.”
“What”, you and Rex said simultaneously.
“We never got any messages from Ahsoka”, you stated, peering to look at the screen of the holopad that Sabine had handed over to Rex.
“See I knew it, I knew they couldn’t be trusted”, Kanan said, walking toward Rex, pointing accusatively.
“Kanan wait”, Ezra said, holding a hand up to stop the man’s approach. He then turned to face you, Rex, and Wolffe, who had just joined you, and asked, “Is this true?”
Rex just stared at the screen for a few seconds before you saw a flash of realization light in his eyes. He then turned to the man behind you. “Wolffe, what did you do”, he asked, not sounding too happy. You turned around to look at Wolffe, who now had his back turned to you all.
“I…I contacted the Empire. If they found out we were helping jedi they’d wipe us out”, he said, still with his back to you.
“Wolffe how could you”, you asked, not being able to fully hide the hurt from your voice.
Wolffe turned to face you with a saddened expression, your voice clearly working on his emotions. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I just… I’m sorry”, he said, looking to his feet shamefully.
You could hear Kanan speaking behind you, but you weren’t paying attention to what was being said, too focused on wrapping your head around why your friend would do this.
“Why Wolffe, why would you put us at risk like this”, you asked.
“I… I just wanted to protect us, they’d kill us if they knew we were harboring jedi”, he said, looking back up at you.
“Hello, you’ve been harboring a jedi for years now, why is this any different?”
“No, you’re not, I mean, you haven’t been a jedi in a long time, if anything your one of us now.”
“The Empire won’t see it that way”, you said, looking at him with a disappointed frown. “So, what was your plan exactly, call the Empire and let them capture the jedi, do who knows what to them? Were you gonna let them take me too?”
His eyes went wide, and he looked right into yours. “No! No, I would never let them hurt you, we would never let them hurt you. You’re family, aliit. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight, I know that now. Please forgive me (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you like a dejected puppy. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, especially since it clearly was a mistake on his part, and not a totally conscious one. Wolffe struggled with things like this sometimes, forgot who was truly responsible for all that happened, and wasn’t always sure of who he could trust. The only exceptions being his brothers and you. He knew he could always trust his family. This is why you found it hard to continue to be upset with him, so instead you gave in with a heavy sigh and wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He responded by hugging you back, whispering another shame filled apology.
“I know, I forgive you Wolffe”, you say before pulling away to look him in the eye, “but you have to make this right. These people are not the enemy, they’re our allies, and we have to protect them too.”
He searched your eyes for a moment, and in seeing your resolve gave you a tight nod, confirming that he’d found his own.
***
As it turned out, fixing Wolffe’s mistake wasn’t going to be as easy as you had thought. Unbeknownst to you, there had been a probe droid on board watching you all, for how long you weren’t sure, but it managed to damage the Phantom’s engine, which meant your new friends were stuck with you all for the time being, something you could tell didn’t make Kanan to happy. Rex had managed to destroy the probe, but the Empire was still on its way, and all you could do was prepare for the inevitable fight that was to come.
Everything happened quite suddenly, and before you knew it the Empire had arrived. They were using some new contraptions that neither you nor the clones had ever seen before, the others called them “walkers”. While impressed, the boys quickly stopped their analysis of the machines and came up with a plan. Retreat into the sandstorm that was brewing behind you to scramble their scanners and use the jedis’ force sight to maneuver your way out. This worked, but the imperials were soon gaining on your position once more. Once you exited the storm Rex instructed the others to leave, with the walkers still in the storm this was their only chance to escape back to their ship without being shot down. Most of them were on board with this plan, but Ezra didn’t want to leave you all behind.
“We can’t just abandon them”, Ezra said, still trying to convince Kanan to let them help you.
“You’re not abandoning anyone. We’re covering your escape. Now go”, Rex said in a commanding tone. He then turned to you and in a softer, but still authoritative voice said, “(Y/N), I want you to go with them.”
“What”, you asked incredulously. “No way.”
Rex sighed and took your hands in his. “Please cyare, those things are going to overrun us, and I don’t want you to be here when they do. I want you to escape with them, I want you to be safe”, he said, his eyes pleading with you to listen, just this once, but you wouldn’t have it.
“No Rex. If you’re going to fight, then so am I, and if this is where it ends, then I’m going to be right here beside you”, you tell him, releasing yourself from his grasp in order to bring your hands to cup his face, bringing his forehead to meet yours. Your eyes close as you say your next words. “If we’re going to die, then we’re going to do it like we’ve done everything else, together.”
You hear Rex sigh once more and you open your eyes to look at him. A small grin starts at the corner of his mouth, “You’re so stubborn, you know that?”
You chuckled lightly. “Yes, I am, and that’s why you love me”, you said, raising an eyebrow and giving a cocky grin. He shook his head at you, but relented, knowing full well he was not going to win this argument.
You both looked back to Ezra who still stood at the entryway of the Phantom, looking sadder than you’d seen him yet. You frowned and walked over to him, placing your hands atop the boy’s shoulders and bending down so you were at eye level. “Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be alright. We have each other’s backs, and that’s all we’ve ever really needed. Besides, we’ve faced worse than this”, you say, trying to reassure him.
“It’s just…”, he started, but you cut him off with a light shake of his shoulders.
“Come on, you gotta focus here. The most important thing for you to do right now is get out of here and get that information back to the rebellion, got it?” He nodded and looked to his feet. You hooked a finger under his chin and brought it up so he would look at you. “You did great out there you know, keep that up and you’ll make one hell of a jedi someday”, you said with an encouraging smile. He gave you a sad smile back before suddenly launching toward you, catching you in a tight hug. You were surprised at first, but soon hugged him back, smiling at the gesture. You had never had any kids of your own, but you thought that this might be close to how motherhood would feel. You had just met this kid, but you were already very proud of him and the actions he had displayed over the time he’d been with you, and although you were sad to see him go you knew he’d be alright, and that brought you an unexpected sense of comfort. A few moments later you finally pulled away, smiling as you told him, “Now go.”
Ezra nodded again, this time a little more confidently, and backed into the starfighter. You moved, walking backwards, stopping to stand next to Rex as you watched them take off. Once they were airborne you turned to your husband with a knowing grin. “So, do we have an actual plan for taking those things down, or are we just winging it”, you asked.
He chuckled. “Well, unless you have any last-minute ideas, I think winging it is our only option”, he said, shrugging.
“Good”, you said, placing your hands on your hips, “Because that was my idea.” He laughed at your sudden perkiness, it reminded him of the old days when you two would exchange snarky comments in the heat of battle, it made the terrors on the battlefield a little easier to deal with and often helped to temporarily relieve his stress. “Now, let’s get to work”, you said and began to walk to the front of the tank. Before you could get more than two steps away you felt a tug on your wrist and were suddenly pulled against Rex’s chest. You looked up at him, a slightly surprised look on your face. He smiled and brought a hand to the back of your neck, bringing you into a deep, passionate kiss, which you immediately melted into, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in even more. You knew this fight would most likely be your last and it was clear he was thinking the same, so you decided to make this moment last, and just marvel in the love that was held there between you. After a few seconds, that were much too short for your liking, you both pulled away but still held onto one another, foreheads lightly touching, for a while longer.
“Whatever happens, I just want you to know that you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m glad I chose love over following the rules, I’m glad I chose you”, Rex said, cutting the silence that had built between you two.
You smiled at his confession, “I’m glad I chose you too Rex. I love you.”
“And I love you (Y/N).” You slowly released one another and shared one more loving glance before you each were heading off to your stations to prepare for the fight that was about to ensue.
You went to stand at the front of the tank, detaching your sabers from your hips and holding them, still deactivated, at your sides while Rex manned the cannon. “Wolffe, bring us around”, you heard him yell to his fellow trooper. The tank began to turn, changing its direction to head straight for the walkers now in front of you.
As you made your approach the walkers began blasting the tank. You blocked a few shots with your sabers but weren’t able to deflect them all since they were shooting from two separate angles. One blast had the tank faltering and falling in the front, causing you to have to hold on to the railing in front of you so as not to fall. You looked behind you to the trooper driving the huge machine. “Wolffe, get us level”, you yelled to him.
“Yes General”, he said firmly. He then pulled the levers in his hands toward him and upwards, causing the tank to begin to lift in the front before finally being back on its feet once more. You took your defensive stance up again once you were able to get your footing. You were coming up quickly on the walkers and were desperately trying to come up with a crazy plan to take them out, if memory served you the craziest plans always seemed to be the most effective. You were halfway through your thinking when you heard Wolffe shout from behind you. “I’m going for the legs, all four of them.”
You turned to him with an incredulous look. “Are you crazy, there’s no way that’ll work”, you said, raising your voice over the commotion surrounding you.
“Never know until we try”, he responded.
You were about to argue against the idea until you remembered your previous thought. It was a crazy idea, so it just might work. You jump to the position right above him, looking down through the glass. “Alright then, have at it Commander”, you told him encouragingly.
He nodded and pushed forward, ramming the tank into the walker ahead. It seemed to be working, until it wasn’t, the tank now with its front legs halfway up the walker’s. You were almost sure that you would all be turned upside down any minute. You thought fast. You did have one plan, maybe impossible given your lack of practice over the years, but it was worth a shot. However, before you could put your plan into action you heard Rex shouting from somewhere behind you. “Come out and fight, you cowards”, he yelled to the men in the walker. He was standing on top of the cannon, and right in the line of fire. You cursed at him internally before leaping toward him, landing right in front of him, sabers ready to block the inevitable blast. Although, it never came. Before they could retaliate, the walker was shot from the side, throwing it off balance enough to distract them from their attack. You looked to see the Phantom fly under it and make its way to the second walker, you then saw Ezra, Kanan, and Zeb jump from the starfighter and land on its head before using their sabers to cut the hatch off and enter the machine. You grinned, and before you could voice the thought, Rex did it for you. “Just like the old days”, he said.
You turned, still grinning, to look at him. “Speaking of…”, you didn’t finish before running up the barrel of the cannon, replacing your sabers on your hips along the way.
“Wait, what are you doing”, he asked, concerned.
“Can’t let them show me up now can I”, you asked him, sending a playful wink over your shoulder. You used your higher position to launch yourself upward toward the first walker and was able to grab onto one of the blasters on the side of its head. You then swung yourself toward the top, landing much more gracefully than you’d expected to. You then drew your sabers and repeated the actions of the other two force-wielders, cutting a hole in the head and jumping down into it. You took your attack stance as soon as you were in, but when you looked around there was no one there. Walking to the control panel, you looked out to see the scene below and a movement from your right caught your eye. It was the imperials that had been manning the very walker you were in now; they had evacuated and were now fleeing on a speeder bike. “Huh, they really are cowards”, you said out loud to yourself.
Rex was below, now back in his seat behind the cannon. He was waiting to take the shot until he knew you were out. He wasn’t about to take that risk and was about to call the whole idea off when he saw something shoot out the head of the walker. He squinted to see better and nearly jumped out of his seat when you landed on the barrel of the cannon, giving a little mischievous grin when you noticed you’d startled him.
Rex shook his head. “So, did ya get ‘em”, he asked, eyebrow cocked and grinning back.
You jumped down, coming to stand next to him. “Nah, those hut’unns turned tail before I could even get to them. Took off that way”, you said, pointing in the direction you saw the speeder go.
“Oh, well then I guess there’s no need to blast this thing then”, he said, gesturing to the walker, “and just when we got the power restored, ah well.” You could see the slight disappointment on his face.
“You could still blast it you know”, you told him.
“To what purpose, they’re already gone.”
You laid a hand on his shoulder. “For no other purpose then the satisfaction of seeing this hunk of junk fall”, you said with a smile.
He grinned at you. “Have I told you how much I love you lately”, he asked.
You bent down so your face was next to his. “Yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it anyway”, you said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before straightening and standing behind him.
Rex took the shot and you all watched as the walker fell to the ground. “You were right, that was satisfying.”
***
You and Rex had decided to leave the quiet life behind for now and join the rebellion, after a bit of convincing from Ezra and Sabine that is. You had said your goodbyes to Wolffe and Gregor before you left.
“So, I guess this is goodbye then”, Wolffe said, looking a bit downcast.
You laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “For now, but we’ll all see each other again”, you said, giving him a reassuring smile.
He gave a breathy chuckle. “Did the force tell you that”, he asked sarcastically. He always loved messing with you like that.
You rolled your eyes. “No, but it didn’t need to, I just know. Besides, you guys can’t get rid of us that easily”, you said smirking at them.
Gregor came to stand beside you draping an arm over your shoulders. “Well good, because we don’t want to”, he said, smiling wide. You laughed. Gregor was always the one to lighten the mood, always the chipper one, and so damn optimistic that it almost annoyed you sometimes, but you had to love him for it. You loved all your boys for who they were and for what made them unique, this affection only grew after the war when you all decided to live together in seclusion, and you got to know them better.
During the war it always seemed like there wasn’t enough time to properly get to know all your men, especially the ones outside of the 501st, who you’d been more often affiliated with. However, on the rare occasions where you did work outside of your Legion you tried to widen your friend group, meeting other troopers and their commanding officers, befriending all who would have you. As a jedi you knew this wasn’t advised seeing as you were not to form attachments and all, but at the time you really didn’t care, still didn’t in fact, and looking back you were glad you hadn’t. You knew that throughout the war you would lose many of these friends, and it wouldn’t be easy, but you had accepted that and would take it in stride as it came, because in the end you knew that these friendships would do more good than hurt. Sometimes, a lot of times, all these men needed was a good friend, an ear to listen to the chaos within their minds after hard battles, and on occasion even a shoulder to cry on. You were willing to be all these things for them and did it with as much grace and kindness as you could. It was due to this that it was so easy for Wolffe and Gregor to trust you after the war. Even with their chips removed, they were still confused for a long while, not knowing who to trust but each other, but with you they found it to be much easier, remembering all the times you had been there for them and their men and knowing you would never do anything to betray their trust. Yes, you loved your newfound family, and you’d do anything to keep them safe, which is why you’d finally agreed to join the fight to take down the Empire, it was the only way to make sure they’d never come after your men again. Although, it was still hard to say goodbye.
You looked between the two men, an almost sad smile forming on your face and before you could even think you’d brought them both into a tight hug, one which they returned in kind. “Just don’t do anything too reckless while we’re gone, okay”, you requested, pulling back with a kind smile and wiping the tear that had fallen down your cheek away with your fingertips.
“We’ll do our best General”, Gregor stated with a nod. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him for addressing you by rank, you weren’t going to argue, not now.
Rex came to stand beside you, facing his brothers. “You both did excellent work today, I have no doubt you’ll handle yourselves in whatever is to come, but let’s hope you won’t have to”, he said with a grin, clapping them both on the shoulder.
“Well, if you ever need us, you know where to reach us”, Wolffe said, clamping his hand over Rex’s forearm, a gesture you had seen exchanged from brother to brother many times before, and it brought a warm feeling to your chest every time. Rex nodded before releasing them and bringing an arm to wrap around your waist, its constant home over the years. “You two stay safe alright? I don’t want to have to find replacements for you, not that there even is such a thing”, Wolffe said with a sideways grin.
You smiled at this and then straightened your posture, giving your men a formal salute and holding it, Rex following suit, standing in the same position beside you. The two commanders returned the salute. After a moment you relaxed and returned to a normal standing position, everyone else doing the same. “Until we see each other again”, you said.
“Until we see each other again”, the two men echoed your words simultaneously.
***
You had docked the rebel ship and were following the Ghost crew down the brightly lit hallways before turning a corner and coming to a stop. You knew before they parted to let you both pass who would be standing on the other side, you had felt her familiar force signature as soon as you had boarded.
Rex stepped forward first, walking toward the smiling togruta. ��Commander”, he addressed his old friend. “You got old.”
Ahsoka chuckled. “Had to happen sometime Rex”, she replied. She looked hesitant for a moment before embracing him in a tight hug.
You watched the interaction between the two, smiling to yourself, realizing just how long it had been since you had seen your friend, it felt like ages now. As you were in this train of thought Ahsoka pulled back from the embrace and suddenly looked over his shoulder, something catching her eye. “(Y/N)”, she said, it almost came out as a sigh.
Ahsoka walked to you and pulled you into a tight embrace as well, which you happily returned. “Hey Ahsoka, it’s been a while”, you said with a laugh.
Releasing each other from the hug, you both looked at one another. “I think that’s a bit of an understatement”, she responded, giving a light laugh of her own before the two of you turned to Rex.
“We’re just glad you’re still alive”, he said to her. You put a hand on her shoulder, giving a confirming nod.
“You too”, she said, looking between you and Rex.
“Well, we wouldn’t be if it weren’t for these guys”, Rex stated, gesturing to the crew behind you.
“Thank you for trusting my friend”, Ahsoka said, seeming to direct her thanks mainly to Kanan, who was surprisingly much less angry than you last remember sensing.
“It wasn’t easy”, Kanan confessed to her, “It still isn’t.”
You and Rex shared a saddened glance and you silently wondered if Kanan would ever come around, but you also made the decision to try not and push the topic, not now at least.
“Nothing worth doing ever is”, Ahsoka told him, and with that you all walked to the command center, for a rebellion is not built on pleasantries.
***
After a brief discussion of the next course of action, you had been dismissed to settle in, and were led to the room that you and your husband would be sharing for the time being. Before you could even sit down there was a knock at the door and you were surprised to find it was Sabine, asking to borrow you for a little while. You had agreed, albeit a bit hesitantly, wondering what the young girl could possibly need you for, especially with that excited glint in her eye. You shrugged at your confused spouse before following her out of the room.
Awhile later you returned, quite pleased with the outcome of your little surprise endeavor with the Mandalorian girl, who was very happy with herself when all was said and done. You entered your shared quarters and stopped just after entering, letting the door slide shut behind you. This got Rex’s attention and he turned to you from where he was seated, his smile dropping as soon as he properly laid eyes on you, his features morphing into a look of shocked admiration, and quickly closed his mouth that had opened in a slight gape.
He blinked a few times before finally speaking. “Cyar’ika you look…”, he started to say, but found he couldn’t think of the proper word to articulate what he was thinking at the moment.
You smiled. “You like it”, you asked, bringing your hands up to touch your hair, which was now styled in a way that complemented the shape of your face perfectly and now sported dyed blue tips. Sabine had also given you a fresh pair of clothes that she thought would fit you nicely. They did fit, even though they were a bit tighter than you would’ve liked, and the cut on the long-sleeved top was a bit lower than you were used to, but it was still high enough for you to consider it conservative, well conservative enough. Although, with the way your husband was staring at you now, you were grateful for these aspects, seeing just how much he was appreciating the way the outfit hugged your curves by the way his eyes scanned you from head to foot.
He stood and walked the short distance to you, taking your hands in his. “Like it? I love it, you look absolutely stunning, downright delectable even”, he said with a wicked grin.
You smacked his chest lightly, shaking your head. “And here I thought I married and gentleman”, you said, not being able to hide the grin that was forming.
“Oh, you did, it’s just that you have this incredible talent of pushing me to my limit at times, especially when you come in looking like this”, he said, eyeing you up again.
You blushed under his gaze. “Well, at least I know I’ve still got it”, you said, giving him a playful smirk.
He suddenly pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you secure against him, your faces only inches apart now. “Cyare, you never lost it”, he said cocking an eyebrow as he continued to grin at you, and with that you pulled him into a loving kiss, one that he quickly leaned into and deepened.
You pulled away after a bit to make eye contact once more. Rex released one of his arms from around you to bring his hand up to your hair, lightly playing with the tips between his fingers. “I like the hair too, always did think this color suited you.”
You gave a slight shrug. “You know me, always more than willing to support my boys in blue.”
You both shared a small laugh before catching each other’s lips in another kiss, this one a bit more tender than the last.
“So is this a bad time to talk about how I might be wishing we'd rethought our decision about not having kids”, he asked in a low voice once you two parted from the kiss.
You blinked, surprised by the sudden shift in topics. “Umm, alright, what brought this on”, you asked.
He looked to the hand that was still playing with your hair, not wanting to make direct eye contact as he spoke his next words. “Well, it's just that, seeing you with Ezra earlier today, it made me realize, you'd make a great mother, and I almost feel like we've missed out on something special, and this isn’t exactly the first time the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve always wondered if we were making the right call not having a child of our own, but you seemed happy with our life together and I didn’t want you to ever feel pressured, I wanted it to be your choice, I still do.”
“Rex are you trying to tell me you want to have children”, you asked.
“Maybe, but not if you don’t, I mean… do you”, he asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
“Well, I won't say I've never thought about it, especially in the early years of our relationship. I'd often wonder what it would be like to have a little version of you running around."
“Or you”, he said with a smile.
You smile. “I guess it would be nice to have an addition to the family, and I'm sure the boys would make great uncles. Well, maybe with some supervision”, you say, chuckling out that last part.
“Really”, he asked, clearly a bit surprised by your response.
“Rex, I know I won't be able to keep you for as long as I'd like, I accepted that reality a long time ago”, you said, sliding your palm against his causing him to let go of the piece of hair he was still holding and intertwining your fingers with his, “but maybe if I have something of you left after, something we created together, then maybe I'll be able to continue on because I'll still be living for you, or at least a part of you." You were desperately trying to keep the tears you felt building behind your eyes from making their way out. You hated thinking about this, your husband’s shortened life span was never a topic you wanted to think about for too long, it was a reality you did not care to observe in your everyday life, but reality it was, and you knew someday you would have to face it. Just not today.
He pulled you closer with the arm still around your waist. “Oh Cyar'ika, I love you so much”, he said, kissing your forehead.
“And I love you, with all my heart.”
“So, we're really doing this then?”
You giggled at his noticeable excitement. “Yes, we're really doing this”, you confirmed. He then let go of your hand and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss so full of love it nearly took the breath right out of you. You laughed once you managed to pull away again, trying to get your next thought out. “We can start trying when we have some time to ourselves.”
“We have time now”, he said, swiftly moving his hands to firmly grip your hips and pull you flush against him. Your senses left you for a second, heat rushing to your face and chest at the implication, before you were able to compose yourself.
You chuckled, coming back to your senses. “Actually, we don't. We've been asked to help pick the location for the rebel base. They figured since we were the ones to give the intel that we'd be able to find the safest place. I'm sure they've already started reviewing the list, so we'd better get going”, you said, a bit annoyed at the fact, there were much better things you could be doing, but you did promise to do whatever you could to help in this rebellion. Damn, why’d you always have to be the responsible one?
Rex broke you from your inner ramblings with another heated kiss that had you weak in the knees. “Alright fine, but tonight you're all mine”, he said against your lips.
“Deal. Now let's go, we're late”, you said, still smiling like a lovesick teenager and reluctantly pulling away from his embrace, which he did not want to make easy, but eventually gave in and released you.
As you made your way to the door, trying to compose yourself once again, he spoke. “Hopefully soon you'll be the one who’s late”, he said, taking you by surprise yet again.
You turned and raised an eyebrow at him and jokingly asked, “Okay, who are you, and where is the Rex I married?”
He laughed, coming to stand in front of you and leaning in slightly. “What can I say cyar’ika, you’ve made me bold”, he said, giving you a mischievous smile.
You shake your head and opened the door, taking him by the hand and leading him out into the corridor. “Alright, alright. Come on Stud, we have to go”, you said and began making your way to the bridge of the ship, “and save the dirty talk for tonight okay?” You grinned at him over your shoulder, continuing to pull him along.
He smiled and quickened his stride to walk alongside you, lacing his fingers with yours. “Yes Ma’am”, he responded softly.
You couldn’t seem to keep the smile off your face, for several reasons. The main two being that you knew you had quite the night ahead of you, thank the force for the private quarters, and you were thrilled at the idea of having Rex’s child. You weren’t sure what this new future would hold for the both of you, but you were ready to find out.
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moralesispunk · 4 years
Text
How they tell you they love you
This ended up quite long so I do apologise!
Including: Frankie, Din, Marcus M, Javier, Whiskey, Dave, Ezra, Oberyn and Marcus P
Frankie - 
Frankie had known that he was in love with you for a while before he said anything. He had been avoiding relationships - working in the Special Ops wasn’t exactly the easiest job for maintaining one - and that’s why when he met you he tried his hardest to stop himself from falling for you, even though he knew he was. He knew it every time he looked in your eyes, or watched you smile, or heard your voice when you answered the phone. In a few weeks time he would have to go away for a couple of months for work and he would only be able to talk to you through emails whenever he got access to the computer. You had told him that you didn’t want to finish what you had just because he was going away but he couldn’t help the fears that were taking over his whole body. What if you realised you didn’t actually like him when he was away? What if you met someone who you better deserved? What if he scared you off when he came home and had to deal with the nightmares that were always worse when he got back? 
That night, as he kissed you good night and felt you fall asleep in his arms, the fears took over once again. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing but the thoughts wouldn’t stop. You stirred in his arms and he opened his eyes to look down at you and suddenly all his thoughts were silenced. He watched the way your eyebrows were furrowed and he wondered what you were dreaming about. He knew in this moment he had to tell you before he got scared again. He gently shook you awake, watching as you opened your eyes, searching until you found his. “Frankie, honey, everything okay?” you asked in your sleepy voice as your propped yourself up on your elbow to look at him. “Everything’s fine. I just- I just had to tell you something,” he said, turning so he was now fully facing you, “I love you”. He watched as a sleepy smile took over your face and how you slowly leaned in to give him a kiss. You pulled away just enough to look in his eyes, “I love you, Frankie”. He couldn’t stop the smile that took over his face as he pulled you back into his arms for you both to fall asleep knowing that he didn’t have to worry anymore.
Din - 
Din showed and said he loved in other ways a long time before he actually said those three words. It started with him helping you out, sitting with you and helping while you sorted out the compartments of the Crest to make it more organised. It then moved to taking any excuse to touch you in someway, brushing his hand over your arm as he reached by you for something or letting your hands touch as you walked next to each other. Eventually, one day in the cantina he sat his hand on your leg as you eat your food before moving his arm around your shoulder when other men leered over you.
When the Kid is taken by Moff Gideon, you are part of the team that are on the rescue mission. When travelling to Moff’s cruiser, Din is planning for any outcome. While he wanted to be sure that everything would go fine - he would get the Kid and the Clan of Three would be reunited - anything could go wrong. He watched as you took apart and cleaned your blaster, trying to distract yourself from what was about to happen. He knew he loved you. He knew that was the word for what he was feeling. It wasn’t just care, it wasn’t just friendship, it was a love that filled his whole body with warmth and a feeling of security he had never felt before. You were his home. He moved to sit next to you, slowly taking your hand in his. You looked up to him, giving his hand a squeeze, “we’re going to get him back”. He looked down at you, the confidence in your eyes making him believe wholeheartedly for the first time that you would get him back with no problem. “I love you”. He said it plainly and simply and as he squeezed your hands watched the smile that broke onto your face, “I love you, Din,” whispering his name so no one else would hear.
Marcus M - 
Marcus showed you he loved you before telling you through the trust he had for you. He trusted introducing you to Missy. He trusted letting you pick her up from school that time he was running late. He trusted letting you into his heart, the first person he let inside in years. 
You and Marcus were meant to have a day to yourselves today while Missy was over at a friends but just as you arrived at their house, Marcus got a call saying Missy’s friend was sick and they would have to cancel. Marcus had told you she had been looking forward to this all week and you could see the look of disappointment in her face. You remembered the science museum you drove by on the way here and decided to offer an idea, “why don’t we all go there today?” Missy turned to her Dad, a massive smile on her face, “can we Dad?” Marcus nods and looks at you, mouthing a thank you. You all pile into his car and drive to the museum. It’s still early enough so you get in quickly and let Missy lead the way. You all stop and read the signs, interacting with everything you can. It reminds you of the science centre you used to go to when you were younger and you can’t stop smiling as you watch Missy run from exhibit to exhibit. Missy grabs your hand to take you over to something she wants to show you and when you both walk away she doesn’t let go. The two of you walk about hand in hand as Marcus walks behind, his heart swelling with how well you both get on. The last stop is the planetarium - where Marcus watches you and Missy more than he looks up at the stars surrounding you. He knows in this moment he wants to tell you how much he loves you. On the drive home, Missy falls asleep in the back of the car and he turns to you. He reaches over and takes your hand in his, watching you turn and smile at him. Before he can stop himself he whispers an “I love you” and watches as your eyes go wide before you smile, squeezing his hand, “I love you, Marcus”.
Javier
It will take a while for Javier to find the actual words. It took long enough for him to allow himself to act on his attraction for you, knowing himself that it was more than just a physical attraction. While you understood, knowing that the only other real relationship he had in his past didn’t exactly end well, you thought by now there would maybe be a little more. He would come by your apartment after it was dark and would leave before the sun came up. He would flirt with you the same way he flirted with the other women in the office (so not to let anyone find out you were together - or as together as you were). 
This morning, he woke early as usual and began to get dressed. He tried not to wake you from your sleep, knowing you still had at least another hour before you would have to get up. The sound of dropping his keys woke you, causing you to sit up. “Javier, come back to bed. Why don’t we just go in together,” you said in your sleepy voice. “You know why,” he said, sitting at the edge of the bed. He traced up your leg and side gently, before leaning down for a kiss that you turned away from. He sighed, standing and putting his jacket on before walking out. 
Knowing that you wouldn’t get back to sleep you decided to get ready and head in to work earlier than usual. When you arrived, the sun still wasn’t fully up but the place was busy with bodies moving about quickly. Messina called you into her office, asking you to go on a simple operation to where they got a tip El Leon was. You noticed Javi wasn’t in yet and so you and Murphy went together. It was anything but simple and very quickly it went south, resulting in a shot to your shoulder. It wasn’t too bad and was quickly fixed at the closest hospital. Just as the doctor was finishing up stitches, a frantic Javi bursts into the hospital. You can see him from the other side of the hall, watching as his eyes search quickly for any sign of you. Once his eyes meet yours he lets out a breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding in and quickly made his way towards you. The doctor was just walking away as Javi reached you, taking your face in his hands. You let him check you for injuries knowing he wouldn’t stop until he had, noticing the pain that flashed across his face when he seen your shoulder. He took your face back in his hands and gave you a gentle kiss, softer than any shared between you before. “I’m sorry, for everything,” he sighed, “I have to stop being so scared... I- I love you”. You placed your hands over his, “I love you, too, Javier”.
Whiskey
You and Whiskey had been getting on well, having been on more than a few dates by now. You knew you were falling for him and felt that he was feeling the same way in the way his eyes followed you, how he smiled lazily at you in the morning or how he lingered just for a moment every time he had to leave like there was something else to be said.
However, that started to change. He started to become more distant. You worried it was something that you had done wrong, or that you had looked into his actions more than was really there. In truth, it was because Whiskey was scared. The last woman he had loved had been ripped from his life and took him years to get over. He didn’t want to feel that ever again and his job made sure anyone who was close to him was at potential risk. One night, when he was having dinner at yours, you decided to ask him about it. “What? There’s nothing wrong,” he dismissed, asking you a question about work instead. “No, there is something wrong. Tell me,” you pressed. “I- I just can’t see someone else I love be hurt. I can’t let myself get close to someone like that again be taken from me,” he sighs, too caught up in his own thoughts to realise what he really said. “Someone else you what?” you whispered. His eyes widened, realising he had said the word out loud for the first time. He stood and moved round to sit next to you, taking your hands in his. “I love you,” he said, “but I don’t want anything to happen to you and that’s why I’ve been so... distant lately”. You took his face in your hands, “I love you, and nothing is going to happen to me. I’ve got the best cowboy-agent in the world as by boyfriend”.
Dave
Dave would be among the most confident in telling you about his feelings. As soon as he knew that what he was feeling for you was love he would let the words fall out of his mouth with ease.
It would be one morning as you were making breakfast, dancing about quietly thinking he was in the shower. He watches as his shirt from the night before hangs around you, looking better on you than it did on him. He smiles as you turn the radio up, singing along a little louder when one of your favourite song comes on. “Didn’t know I was getting breakfast and a show,” he interrupts. You turn around, placing your hand on your chest, “Jesus, Dave! You almost gave me a heart attack,” you scold as he chuckles, walking towards you now. “Tell me how you look better in that shirt than I do,” he hums as he wraps his arms around your waist, placing his head on your shoulder while you carry on with breakfast. You smile, turning your head to press a kiss to his lips. He knows right now how he feels and he lets the words fall out of his mouth, “I love you”. He kisses the back of your neck gently as you turn your head to meet his lips for a kiss, “and I love you, Dave”.
Oberyn
The Prince’s Garden had become you and Oberyn’s perfect place for some peace and quiet. You could just walk around the garden, holding hands in silence or quietly talking about whatever popped into your minds.
On this particular day, the sun was out and shining, making all the flowers stand a little taller. You hadn’t been talking much, enjoying the presence of one another enough for now. Every so often, he would squeeze your hand, pulling you slightly closer to steal a kiss, before continuing around the garden. You both eventually stop, sitting by the bench where you first met. You had found a poem that day that you wanted to read to him, taking it out of the book you had been carrying around. He watched you in absolute adoration, listening to every word that rolled off your tongue with such beauty and how your voice changed slightly when you smiled at the words. When you finished, you asked him what he thought. “It was beautiful. But not as beautiful as the person who read it,” he replies, making you blush. “Oberyn, you’re too kind,” you say back, reaching for his hand to squeeze gently. “I should be kind to the person I love,” he replies. Your eyes widen and as you try to find the words he turns his body to face you completely, “I love you,” he says with a smile.
Ezra - 
Ezra would have no problem telling you he loved you the minute he knew that is what he was feeling. He watches and notices how the sun changes the colour of your eyes slightly, the way the side of your eyes crinkle a little as you squint from the bright light, your hum of contentment as it warms your skin.
He feels his love for you warm his body, running through his chest and spreading everywhere else. He takes your hand in his and tells you just that, “you warm me more than the sun, hold more beauty than the moon, carry more sparkle in your eyes than the stars. I love you, little bird, and I will shout it so the sun, moon and stars and everyone else hears what I have to say”. When you tell him that you love him too he pulls you close to his chest, promising to never let you go.
Marcus P
You have been looking forward to a night in with Marcus all week. You have both been busy with work and today is the first in a while you get to relax together so planned to get some takeout and find a film to watch at his place.
When you arrive, Marcus has the menu for your favourite takeout place sitting out on the table, telling you he was having a look to see what he wanted. You smile at the thoughtfulness, knowing you probably only mentioned it was your favourite once or twice before. When the food arrives, Marcus lets you choose the film, deciding on one you told him about the other night he had never seen before. He ends up spending more time watching you than the film, noticing when you smile or try and hide your tears. At the end of the film you turn to ask him how he enjoyed it but instead he leans in, giving you the most passionate kiss, before breaking away and breathlessly telling you he loves you. 
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Text
inquisitor - Ezra Bridger
Requested: yes, by the beautiful @raganbridger! Sorry for the wait, it's finally here!
Warnings: angst, dark side!reader, confusion, mentions of bad injuries/blood, betrayal
A/N: You asked for le angst, so here it is! I've had this idea for a long while and this request was the motivation I needed to start. LOTS of alternative endings were written, this was mostly the reason it took so long.
Pronouns of reader: she/her
*ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! I make mistakes just like everybody else 😉*
x
.
-"oh, good, you're awake"
You sit and inhale sharply, focusing back on the real world, startled at the strange voice.
Well, not so strange per se. You knew who was talking to you. What was strange was why he was talking to you.
Before you can adjust your vision to the unfamiliar environment, the memories from hours earlier instantly come flooding back.
Malachor. The place where jedi go to die.
An easy kill for you and your inquisitor colleagues.
That's what they had said on the ship, at least. You, on the other hand, knew better than to underestimate how slippery those jedi could be - especially if they fought side by side, like they always did.
You remember cornering the younger one during the fight. His skill was minimal compared to yours, which would give you an advantage against his master if he were to die first.
The boy and his friends go after the sith holocron. There had been a blinding light when it was placed at the altar.
And also, the jedi knight who was blinded by your former master, Maul.
Maul.
Not only had the cursed man left you for dead years before, he had come back from hiding to haunt you and join forces with your other enemies.
But you were an inquisitor. You wouldn't - you couldn't let him get the best of you, not this time.
You feel a light hand pressing your forehead and recoil in fear, reaching for your lightsaber, only to feel it was not there.
-"whoah, woah, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you" - it was the padawan you'd been fighting before - Ezra Bridger. He had placed you and his master inside a cave in a planet you were not familiar with when you'd escaped Malachor.
You'd escapd Malachor? But how?
You couldn't have, unless he'd carried you back to his ship.
-"hey, hey, it's alright."
-"what do you want, jedi?" - you wince in pain again.
-"a thank you would be nice, actually. I did just save your life"
-"a foolish mistake. One you will pay for with yours"
You reach out for your lightsaber, but can't feel it anywhere close. Scouring with the force for its presence, you quickly realize he must have hidden it outside the place.
-"Nope, absolutely not" - just as quickly, he slaps your outstreched hand - "I may be an idiot, but i'm not stupid. Your lightsaber's not here, it's caused enough damage already."
You rub the hand he pushed away, more shocked at his actions than anything. How DARE he?
-"Then what do you want from me, if not revenge? Why treat my wounds if not to finish the battle we started?"
-"Listen, I'm not sure if it's the adrnaline or something, but you're in no condition to fight anyone any time soon"
-"You underestimete me, Jedi. Even in these conditions you would be no match for me."
-"Like I wasn't a match for you at the sith temple?"
At the mention of the event, images of the fight start to come back.
Back at the sanctuary, you drew him away from the fight, knowing his strengh lied with his allies. Only, you hadn't imagined your former master to join his side - not until you'd seen the holocron in Ezra's hands, at least. You'd warned him: "he will use it and throw you away. Like he did to me". Needless to say, he didn't listen.
Your vision starts to lose focus at the intensity of your anger and you groan in pain, not able to sit anymore. Driven by instinct, the padawan holds your side so you won't fall completely, pressing your abdomen and making you hiss in pain.
-"ah, looks like I was right. You're conscious, but not healed" - you feel yourself be adjusted back on the ground, too weak to fight him.
-"where are we? Why did you save my life?"
He hesitates, eyes studying you, like you might attack him any second and he still knew it.
-"not so sure" - he finally answers - "maybe because now you owe me one?"
-"Did you hit your head or something?" You scoff - "Make no mistake, I WILL kill you when the opportunity rises!"
-"And that is why your lightsaber privileges have been revoked for now."
You lock eyes, studying him like he had you. It made no sense- you'd followed his group to the sith temple, tried to kill him several times, called for the man who had murdered his strongest ally, Ahsoak Tano. Why was he helping you?
With a shiver, you realize he's still holding your side, not as firmly as before but still providing support for your back. Inhaling sharply, you graze his hand and he lets go instantly, realizing how close the two of you had gotten.
Standing up just as quickly, he brushes a strand of unruly hair our of his forehead, while you you clean your throat, diverting your attention to the exit of the cave. The rain pours on the large trees outside, but you can't make out much except for the fact that you're in a forest planet (maybe a moon?) and his ship is in less than ideal conditions to get out of it.
-"here" - Ezra kneels down with two bacta patches and a piece of fabric from a medical kit -"i felt your back was pretty sore, but didn't want to take off your shirt while you were out. Your cuts need cleaning."
You hesitantly take the items, using the rocks behind you as support to lean your body on. He stands up, hands on hips, and chuckles when you sniff the gel, suspicious.
With the small bit of privacy he gives you by turning around to check on his master, you fumble with your shirt, deciding to take it off in order to see better.
-"Need some help over there?" - he asks, hearing you grunt in frustration at not being able to reach some spots
-"Not from you, thank you very much"
-"Oh, so she CAN say thank you! That's a welcome change"
You throw the rag at his direction, irritated out of your mind. Who does he think he is??
He must sense the harmless ball of soaked fabric coming his way, turning around to catch it mid-air. Now that he's turned, you see a glimpse of amusement in his eyes at your rage, giving you the answer you needed as to why he went through the trouble of saving you; it was merely to see you suffer and laugh at your expense, apparently.
His expression quickly changed when he saw your bruised torso, however.
- "who did this to you?" - he whispers, and you look down at you look down at your sore ~ well, everything~, covered only by a wrap in the bust area.
-"As you said, jedi. I may be better than you, but you still gave me a decent challenge"
"No. I didn't even hit you there." - his serious reaction to your injuries had caught you off guard, you had to admit. - "those are old and deep, you shouldn't even be able to walk!"
-"I'm not, remember?" - you motion at your debilitated situation, unable to even sit down or cross your legs properly -"But i will be, soon. And then it's over for you"
-"you know what? I think if you wanted to, you would have killed me by now." - he shoots back and you're impressed at his audacity once again.
But he had a point. Why hadn't you attacked him yet?
Sure, you had no lightsaber or phisical conditions to stand, but your force abilities were still as strong as ever. You were vulnerable, but so was he, and you weren't kidding when you said you could deal with him even at your worse.
-"you know what? " - you cross your arms. He was playing with fire now - "maybe I might"
-"and why haven't you?"
-"because I wouldn't enjoy it as much." - you snap back venomously - "I want to see you suffer before I bring you to Lord Vader"
His expression darkens at the mention of Ahsoka's murderer. His whole body stiffens as he balls his wrists and clearly struggles to control his anger at the recent loss. For a moment, you fear you've gone too far, but reprimand yourself for worrying about his feelings over yours. You're not supposed to be anything more than indifferent to the weak and ruthless to those who dare oppose you.
-"Yeah, no matter what you do, you're still imperial scum"
You're not prepared for those words to affect you so much. You're supposed to have a response, but nothing coherent seems to come out of your mouth, so you settle for an an uncomfortable silence.
It doesn't last for long, however, as his comlink goes off. It's his droid, asking - no, demanding - that he go help him with repairs on the ship. He hesitates, looking at you and contemplating how bad it would be to leave you unnatended in the company of his defenseless master.
-"Dont worry."- You reassure him. -"I won't make his situation worse. Maul is the worse you can get, and I refuse to step that low"
You can see he doesnt like it, but leaves for a few moments before returning with what must be the droid that talked to him before. It was a C1 series unit with an orange top and a bratty atitude, you could tell that much by just seeing him interact with the jedi.
-"Chopper will stay here, just in case"
-"I understand. It's fine."
-"I wasn't asking if you were fine with it. Behave" - you can't be sure if his command is directed at you or the droid, but you weren't about to ask.
The coldness he now had to his voice was understandable - you had worked to get him to that emotional state - ,but you felt hurt at the change. The droid didn't do much to help you think clearly about what just happened, and by the look of it, your frustration would only grow bigger in the many hours it would still take to repair the ship to a normal flying condition.
'He thinks i'm imperial scum, huh?' - you think as you scour a pile of your belongings with the force, not too far away inside the cave.
Bad news, your lightsaber really wasn't there.
Good news, your wrist comm was.
'i'll show him imperial scum'
With a plan forming in mind, all you had to do now was be patient and wait for the right time. There's no exchange of words between the two of you when he gets back, which makes time fly by before he's betrayed by exaution and finally gives in to sleep. You take care of the droid easily after that.
Activating the tracking beacon, you start to leave the cave, but not before noticing the boy's lightsaber beside him. It was a bold move, he could easily wake up if you took it, but you knew that if he woke up to see you gone you'd need it to compensate for your injuries.
You were still on opposing sides, after all.
You knew there had to be an imperial ship near the planet, and they would pick up your signal in an instant when you called. Wallking to a less dense area of the forest, away from the crash site, you're proven right when, in a matter of minutes, a shuttle tripulated by four troopers and a senior lieutenant meet you on the ground.
-"and what of the jedi?" - the higher ranking woman asks when you finish your brief description of the events that led you there.
Well, not all events. You'd left out the part where Bridger had helped you recover.
You could just tell them to take the two jedi for excecution. You were supposed to do it, in fact.
-"it's just me. And the younger one's lightsaber" - you finally answer, not exactly knowing why you'd deliberately just saved them.
She nods curtly and escorts you back to the ship without a second glance. It was a good story so far, but you would have to work on it if your superiors were to believe it.
-"Wait- " - you start, second-guessing your motives for not giving away their location. One of the troopers turns to you expectantly.
-"yes, sir?"
You hesitate for a moment, ready to do what you'd beeen taught to do your whle life. Kill the jedi.
Kill the jedi.
A tingling crept up your sides, where the padawan had touched earlier to give you support. You try to betray the gut feeling pressing you to do your duty as an inquisitor, but it's stronger than you. Something is forcing your better judgement to be leaving your natural enemies alive.
-"nothing." - the tingle goes away as soon as it had come, leaving an unusual feeling of relief. - "Thought i'd sensed something. Let's leave"
'Perhaps it's for the best'. - you think as the shuttle's door closes. After all, you did owe him one for saving your life - whatever his reason was for doing so.
That was what you told yourself as you boarded the ship, at least. Now, the next time you saw him, there would be nothing to stop you from finishing him and his friends for good.
.
x
Hope you like it? I gave him a 'hands on hips' moment in honour of your videos for a more personalized touch hahahaha
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thatsgay-writes · 4 years
Text
Elle Greenaway x Reader
Summary: Elle makes a shocking discovery after they catch an unsub. (Follows along season 1 episode 7)
Warning: Criminal Mind stuff
The reader is given a name, for certain purposes and it is third person on purpose.
Word Count: 2.5k
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Dr. Thomas Fuller wrote, “with foxes, we must play the fox.”
---
“Bad?” Agent Hotchner asks as Elle handed him a folder. “The worst.” Elle responds as they head to the round table room. Gideon stood in front of a board as he looked at all of the images. “Crawford family. Murdered 3 days ago.” He says just as Derek walked in, “Saw it on the news.” He says as he takes a quick look at the board as he walks by. “They were found in the basement of their house...” Gideon says, still staring at the images. “Bags packed for a vacation they never took.” JJ continues for him. “Report said it was a murder/suicide. The father stabbed the mom, then shot himself.” Derek says as he sits down, still not fully sure as to why they were taking it as a case. “That’s the conclusion the Maryland State police came to. The gun was next to the father, he had gunpower residue on his right hand.” JJ states as she states a few things listed on the report in front of her. “And now you must have some compelling reason to think that Chris Crawford didn’t off his family?” Derek asks, looking to JJ for a response. “Yeah. Another murdered family. The Millers-- found a month ago. The mother, Reese Miller, her two children and her new husband. Again, they were found in the basement and like the Crawford's, their suitcases were packed for a vacation.”
---
“Elle!” Bailey yelled as she ran towards her girlfriend. Elle Greenaway and Bailey Woods had been friends since Kindergarten, both managing to stay in the same school all the way through middle school and up to high school. In 8th grade, they both finally confessed the feelings they held for each other. “Bailey?” Elle asked in concern as she watched her girlfriend run up to her, tears visibly rolling down her face. “Bailey, baby, what’s wrong?” Elle asked as she scooped the younger girl, by a few months, into her arms. “Did someone do something? Tell me who and we can beat them up together.” Elle said, semi-seriously. You just shook your head as you held onto her shirt tightly. It was the week before Junior year ended, the only tears falling from your face should be happy ones. “What happened?” Elle asked concerned, you had never acted like this before. She knew it couldn’t have anything to do with your dad since he was home for the next few months.
Elle made a split second decision and led you out of the school before any of the teachers could notice. “C’mon, let’s go.” She said to you as she opened the passenger door to your car. She had taken the keys from your pocket, knowing you were in no condition to drive. As she drove to your secret spot, you managed to calm down some and were taking deep breaths to calm all the way down. Elle parked in one of the parking spots at the top of the abandoned parking garage and turned off the car. “Can you tell me what’s wrong now?” She asked as she reached over the middle section and grabbed your hand. You took a few more deep breaths before looking up at her, heartbreak shone through your eyes. “I’m moving.”
---
Elle stood outside the interrogation room as she watched Reid talk to Eric Miller. “Is that what this is about, hmm? You think I’m crazy, man? You think I suddenly snapped and slaughtered my own wife and kids?” Eric kept asking questions as he got more and more agitated. “You think I did this? Huh? Is that what you think!?” Eric yelled as he suddenly stood up. Elle looked to Hotch with wide eyes before they entered the room. “Sit down.” Hotch told Eric firmly. Reid was the youngest on the team and it was his first time doing an interrogation solo, so Elle and Hotch were a little protective over him. “Is this your daddy?”
--- South East Washington D.C
Elle sat quietly in her seat as she sat in the back seat of the car as they drove towards the address Hotch and Garcia had found while snooping through the Crawford’s financials. Reid and Hotch both shared a look at the unusually quiet Elle. Usually when in the car, she would be looking over a file or talking to others to understand more about the case but tis time she was just staring out a window. “Is... Um, is everything okay?” Reid asked, his voice going a little high at the end of his question. His question shook Elle out of whatever she was thinking about, “Yeah... Maryland just brings back some memories...” You’ve been here before?” Hotch asks, concerned about the other agent but also making sure that nothing would intervene with the case they were working on. Elle sat silently for a few seconds before answering right as they pulled up to their destination, “No.”
“Federal Agents!” “FBI” “Federal Agents!” “Clear!” Hotch, Elle, and Derek all yelled simultaneously as they busted through the front door of the home. Elle scrunched her nose in disgust at the sight of the home, “Cleanest thing in here...” She muttered as she kicked what looked like an empty dog bowl. She stayed at the front of the house with Gideon and Reid as Derek and Hotch went deeper into the home. She watched with a questioning gaze as Gideon walked over to the wall and picked up a single painting that was hanging. “What’s that?” She asked as Gideon looked down at the drawing. “It’s a child’s painting. It’s a colonial house. Mom, dad, 2 children out front holding hands.” Gideon listed what he saw. “And a big dog.” She states as she looks over his shoulder.
---
Bailey and Elle laid together in her bed, the end of summer coming faster than ever before. She and Elle had spent almost all their time together, going on dates, spending nights at each other’s houses, etc. Anywhere Elle went, Bailey were there, and anywhere Bailey went, Elle was there. Right now the two of them were laying in Bailey’s bed watching T.V. “Stop staring at me.” Elle mumbles as she stares at the television. Bailey lets out a breath of air and rolls her eyes with a groan, “Love meeee, I want attentionnnnn.” She draws out causing Elle to playfully roll her eyes in response. “Fine, come here.” Elle says as she opens her arms out for Bailey to lay in. Bailey plays with Elle’s hair as she laid her head on her girlfriends chest. “I want kisses...” “Bailey repeats over and over again, like a chant. “Geez, someone is clingy today.” Elle states as she sits up and leans back against the wall. Bailey shifted around so she was now straddling Elle. “I leave in 3 weeks... I just wanna kiss my girlfriend.” Bailey pouts as Elle finally gives in. “Okayyyy.” She says with fake annoyance.
Bailey and Elle were deep into a make out session when her door suddenly busted open. “Eww!” “Ezra!” Bailey yelled as her sister covered her eyes with her arms. “Eww! Not you too! Mommy and daddy were doing that too!” The 5 year old yelled causing Bailey to laugh. Bailey gets off of Elle’s lap and picks up her little sister. “Aww,” Bailey says with a fake pout, “Do you feel left out?” Bailey starts kissing all over Ezra’s face causing the little girl to giggle and try to get away. “No! Eww! Stop it!” Ezra yells as she gets out of Bailey’s hold and pretends to rub away the kiss in fake disgust. Bailey just rolls her eyes at her sisters action. “C’mon, let’s go see if Benson is awake. We’ll be right back Elle.” Bailey says over her shoulder as she and Ezra leave the room. Elle laid back on Bailey’s bed as she left the room, staring at the ceiling. All she could think about was how in love with the younger girl she was.
Her train of thought got cut off as a small body was laid on top of hers. Elle immediately moved her arms to hold him and make sure he didn’t fall off of her. “Hey buddy...” She said in a baby voice as Bailey laid down next to her and pulled her into her. Bailey let out a groan as Ezra jumped on top of her before snuggling up. “Alright... What do you want to watch?”
---
“Okay. No, I understand. Yeah, I figured as much. Thank you.” Derek says as he gets off the phone. “He’s been staring at those pictures all morning.” Elle states as she stares at Gideon who is staring at the drawings done by the murdered children. “well, I sure hope he sees a connection cause I’ve checked doctors, lawyers, travel agents, tutors, contract workers. I got nothing.” Derek says as Hotch walks by. “Why target those families?” Elle wonders still watching Gideon. “Well, to know that, we have to know how.” Hotch says as he sits down and continues looking at the file in his hands.
“ We know organized killers are often skilled workers with above-average intelligence. High birth status. And in most cases...male. In the workplace, he's socially confident. And with women...sexually confident. Every offense...is preplanned. Targeting the victim is almost as pleasurable as the actual kill. These guys, they're...they're meticulous. It's a compulsion. Everything has to have its proper place. They do exhaustive amounts of research on their victims. They watch their every move every last detail is observed. Everything has to be written ever so neatly in a book or possibly a journal. When the kids are comin' home from school. When daddy'll be home. Playtime. Suppertime. Bath time. Bedtime. Plan the work...work the plan. This is the way that he maintains control. It's also how he personalizes his target... So nothing's left to chance. Absolutely nothing... Is left out of place, ever. So he plans the work... And when he's good and ready, he works that plan. He takes great pride in his job. I think the workplace has to be the connection.” Derek says as they go over everything they have learned about the unsub.
Gideon walks out of the room he was in with two drawings in his hands. He holds both the pictures up side by side. “Both are by Emily, painted months apart.  This one...is full of color, life. The one I found at Emily's house has lines, dimensions. No color. I believe Emily was coerced to make this. It's a point of view. It is his point of view. This is where the killer stood, just watched the family.” Gideon says after having finally figured out the connection of the paintings to the case. Hotch drops a ring on the desk he was leaning on, letting it spins some before picking it up. “Each of the dead husbands was missing his wedding ring. This is the unsub’s trophy.”
---
Bailey and Elle sat on the edge of the cliff at their special place. Trying to soak up as much time as they could before Bailey had to leave in a few hours. “I can’t believe you’re leaving...” Elle state as she leans her head against Bailey’s shoulder. “We had everything planned out too...” She trails off, looking at the scenery in front of her. “Hey don’t speak like that...” Bailey says as she holds Elle’s face in her hands. “It’s just one school year apart and then we will go to college together like we planned.” Bailey states before she pauses. “Look, I’m going to make you a promise, okay?” Elle raised an eyebrow at Bailey skeptically, promises were a big thing for Bailey, she never broke them. Bailey lets go of Elle’s face and pulls a ring from her pocket. “No before you freak out, this is my dad’s ring.” Bailey says with a slight laugh as she watches Elle’s eyes get big before returning to normal. “Now, you know me and my dad are close... When I was 5 and he got sent on the first deployment I remember, I cried like a baby for weeks on end. It actually got so bad my mom had to take me out of school one time.” Bailey says with a smile as she stares down at the ring in her hand.
“When dad came back and heard about it, he got his ring modified.” Elle watches with slight confusion as Bailey slid the ring a certain way and it split in half. “And now, whenever he gets deployed, I get this half of the ring so I always have a piece of him with me.” Bailey continues her story as she puts the larger part of the ring on a chain. “It’s obviously too big to fit on my ringer so mom bought a chain to put it on.” Bailey says as she puts the chain around Elle’s neck and closes the clasp. “I asked my dad and he said it was okay for me to give my part to you so you know that I am always with you and thinking about you.” Bailey says as she gives Elle a goofy smile. Elle tries to cover her crying but lets a few tears slip. “Hey, it’s okay...” Bailey says as she pulls the girl she loves into a hug. “Senior year will be over before you know it and we’ll be back together again.”
---
The group all sits around the table in silence as Gideon stares into the box that Hotch had found in Karl Arnold’s office. Everyone’s heart dropping as Gideon lets the contents of the small box drop and 8 rings fall onto the table. Every sat in silence feeling remorse for whatever families had lost their life’s to Dr. Arnold. Elle takes a moment to look at each ring and feels herself get nauseous at the sight of one ring that looks a little different from the others. It can’t be... She thinks as she slowly reaches out, ignoring the looks from her friends, and grabs the ring that made her feel sick. She takes a minute to study the ring, her heart beating faster at how familiar it is. She can feel her friends and coworkers staring at her in confusion, wanting to know why she had picked up the ring.
Elle reach's into her shirt a little and pulls out a ring of her own. The group shares a confused look, wondering where the ring had came from and how long she had had it. Elle takes it off the chain and slides the two rings together like she had seen you do ten years ago. The clicking sound it made not only signifying the two rings becoming one but also her heart breaking into two. Elle looks up to see Hotch and Gideon looking at her with a worried face, it was obvious that Elle knew who that ring belonged to. Seeing her friends face’s filled with sorrow was enough for the dam to break and the tears to flow.
---
“Elle! Guess what!” Bailey yelled excitedly into the phone as Elle picked up. Elle laughed at her excitement. “What?” “I get to go on vacation tomorrow!”
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Note
75 and 94 with Sith Anakin :)
Thank you so much for requesting this because this has to be one of my favorite Anakin stories I’ve ever written. It’s super sad, but I still hope you enjoy! :D
This was not how you wanted today to go. It wasn’t supposed to be a difficult mission. Get the supplies, and get out. Was it a dangerous place? Of course, but everything was these days with the Empire marking their territory wherever they went. But never in your wildest dreams had you expected there to be Inquisitors hiding there, and never had you expected to have to deal with two. As good of a Jedi as Ezra was becoming, he wasn’t able to take on one by himself yet, and you had done the best you could to make sure he was out of harm’s way before surrendering. 
You knew Kanan would kill you for it if you ever saw him again, but you cared more about Ezra staying alive than getting killed yourself. 
They had stripped you of your lightsaber and cuffed you, leading you to a star cruiser that they mentioned belonged to Lord Vader. They seemed to enjoy talking about what he was going to do to you, and how they hoped they would get to watch.  
Having heard of Lord Vader, the atrocities he had done, the only thing you could do was hope that you could find a way to annoy him enough to make your death as quick and as painless as possible. After all, you didn’t fear death anymore. 
Not when it would bring you back to the love of your life. 
You showed no resistance as you were shoved into an interrogation chair and strapped in, all fight drained out of your body. What was the point? Unless the Ghost Crew could pull off another miracle, you were about to die. You just had to make sure you didn’t give up any Rebellion secrets while you were doing so. 
Eventually the two Inquisitors left you with your thoughts, and you took this moment to close your eyes in meditation, saying a final goodbye to those you loved. Obi-Wan, your oldest friend who had saved your life more times than you could count, Ahsoka, the girl you had watched become a warrior with the kindest heart you knew, Rex and Rutt, the two clones who had laid down their lives for you. Then there was the newest, but some of the most important members of your family. Hera, the sister you never knew you needed, Zeb who always could make you smile no matter what the situation, Sabine, the selfless and talented woman who always put others first, Ezra, the young and incredible Jedi you had been helping to train, and then there was Kanan. Sweet, amazing, Kanan who had done more for you in the past few years than you could remember. 
A tear dripped down your face as you could almost feel the man through the Force, a flicker of anxiety and turmoil from miles and miles away. You knew he wouldn’t want you to give up, you knew he would try to save you, but if it was time . . . It was time. 
Your only regret was knowing that you were leaving behind the most important -
You heard him before you saw him, his boots were heavy on the shining black floor. The darkness surrounding the man in the Force was suffocating, and you dropped your head, trying not to drown in it. “A Jedi, surrendering . . . I never would have expected it.” Was all he said from behind you, the voice diluted with a modulator from the mask you knew he wore. 
“What did you expect? Me to let you kill my friend? I suppose that’s what the Empire would do.” You responded, your voice shakier than you would have liked. 
He chose to ignore your words, his footsteps pacing back and forth behind you, allowing you just a glimpse of black and the silver flash of your lightsaber in his hands. “Where did you get this lightsaber?” Vader asked. 
Was that the question that he wanted to open with? You would have assumed there would have been some threatening, the usual, tell me what you know about the rebellion, where is the secret base, blah, blah, blah. Not where you got your lightsaber. After all, that answer was so obvious you didn’t feel the need to respond. 
“Do I need to repeat my question?” Vader asked once more, his voice calm, and didn’t even give you a chance to respond to him. You felt a pressure around your throat, growing stronger with every passing moment until you couldn’t get any air into your lungs. You started coughing, your hands trying to fly to your throat, but unable to strapped down at your sides. Tears of panic formed in your eyes as you struggled against an unforeseen force, but then as quickly as it had arrived, it was gone, leaving you gasping for air. “Where did you get this lightsaber?” 
You were scared. You hated to admit it, you knew that Jedi weren’t supposed to feel it, but you were. The darkness Vader seemed to emit almost smothered you in your entirety. You had never felt someone so dark, and your fear, as it always had when it reared its ugly head, made you lash out. “Where do you think I got it? A market? I made it! Went to Ilum, found a crystal, constructed it myself -” You choked out before he interrupted you. 
“You’re lying!” The sudden burst of emotion in his voice shocked you. From what you had heard about Vader he was always calm, precise, even when he was in the midst of torturing someone. “I know the woman who made this, and she is dead!” 
“Oh, so I’m dead? Good to know. It’ll save us a lot of trouble here then won’t -”
You felt a hand grip your hair, tugging it up sharply until you were face to face with the mask Vader hid behind, and in that moment . . . something changed. 
The dark, terrifying, intimidating, Darth Vader gasped out your name in a low, weak voice and collapsed to his knees in front of you. 
This version of Vader frightened you even more than the one you had seen earlier. “W-what are you doing?” 
He didn’t answer you. For several moments, he stared at you through those black lenses, and you wondered how he could even see you through them. You knew he was though. You could feel his gaze piercing your skin like a glacier, sending chills all the way from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You didn’t want to look at him any longer, hating the way it made you feel, and that was when his head dropped. You watched him with confused eyes as his gloved hands went to his helmet and began to lift it off, something you knew he never did, to reveal a head of dirty blonde waves, the ends of them brushing the shoulders of his dark robes. 
Then, he lifted his head, and you were met with achingly familiar eyes, even with their change of color. 
That was when the fragile pieces of your life came crashing down around you. For several years now, all you had ever been sure of, was that Anakin Skywalker was dead. Your Force connection with him had been so strong. It was the only explanation for it blinking out of existence the way it had, ripping what felt like a part of your soul along with it. Obi-Wan had told you that he was dead. That the Emperor had killed him. 
Yet here he sat, on his knees in front of you, looking as fragile and distraught as you felt. You had stared into that handsome face too many times to confuse it with anyone else. You knew every single inch of that man, he had been seared into your memory, and there was no doubt in your mind that despite everything you believed, it was Anakin in front of you. 
“The Emperor . . . he told me that you were dead. That Obi-Wan had killed you.” His gloved hand went to your cheek, touching you as if you were made of glass. “If I had known . . .” 
His touch, something that you had longed for, dreamed of for so long, tore you apart. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening no matter what you were seeing. Was Vader putting these thoughts in your head somehow? There were three people in the whole universe who knew how deep and strong you and Anakin’s love had been. How could he have found out something so personal to torture you with? Because that’s what this was, the deepest torture you had ever had to endure, and you knew, if Vader kept this vision going he could get whatever he wanted from you. As long as he let you stay here with Anakin. Tears started filling your eyes once more as you looked at him, his face even more vibrant than it was in your memories. “I wish this was real,” you whimpered, your fingers itching to touch him, but unable to in your secured state. Instead you leaned into his touch, nuzzling against his gloved palm. “All I’ve ever wanted was to see you once last time.” 
Then something incredible happened. Anakin reached out, and undid your restraints, catching you in his arms as you collapsed. “This is real! I am real!” He said, squeezing you so tight in his arms he could have broken your ribs, but you didn’t care because it felt so good. You were right back where you belonged, safe, comfortable and free in Anakin’s arms. 
Free . . . 
He had let you out of your straps. Vader never would have let that happen, even in a vision. It would be too dangerous. Your eyes shifted to the helmet that lay at Anakin’s side, and your world collapsed once more. “No . . .” You murmured, shaking your head. “Please no, no, no,” you murmured the word over and over again, tears dripping down your face in a stream as your hand reached for the helmet, holding the cold metal in your hand. You pulled back enough to look into those eyes, those red and orange eyes that now seemed so different. “Anakin, please tell me you’re not Vader. Tell me you’re not the one -”
“It doesn’t matter,” His hands cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “It doesn’t matter, don’t you see? You’re alive, and now we can put everything behind us! We can do what we always dreamed of doing -”
There was so much desperation in his voice you felt your heart shattering again. It was too much, trying to reconcile the man you grew up with, the man you loved, with all the things that you knew Vader had done. “You’ve killed so many . . . Killed Jedi . . . People we knew . . . destroyed villages . . .” You couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. Your emotions were drowning you, burying you underwater with each and every new atrocity that you remembered Vader had committed and bringing you to a conclusion that left a giant, gaping wound in your chest. “Anakin, you’ve become a -”
“No!” The anger and frustration in his voice had you cringing. “Don’t you understand?! I had nothing! Ahsoka was gone, Obi-Wan was gone, you were gone! What was I supposed to do?” 
“Not turn to the dark side! Anakin, you’re breaking my heart all over again . . . How could you do those things?” You sobbed, trying to pull away from him when every bone in your body craved to keep being held by him. 
His grip became tighter, crushing you to his chest. “You were dead, and it was the Jedi’s fault. They deserved everything they got.” 
His words shook you more than anything else he had said. He had done all this . . . Because of you? He had turned to the dark side, destroyed villages, people, tortured hundreds . . . because he thought you were dead. 
Despair ripped through your body, as you came to the realization that all of this was your fault. If only you hadn’t believed Obi-Wan when he told you Anakin was dead. If you had gone looking for him yourself instead of escaping to Tatooine to hide from the Empire, none of this might have happened. “But I’m not dead, Anakin . . . I never was.” You looked up once more, meeting his gaze through your tears. “What other lies has the Emperor been telling you?” 
You watched as he absorbed your words, but his face was unreadable. 
“Lord Vader!” A panicked voice broke through the bubble the two of you had created and you flinched as Anakin’s hand shot out and sent the intruder flying backwards against the wall and pinned him there. 
“What do you want?” Anakin hissed at him from behind the chair, and it was then that you realized why he had pushed the guard back in the first place. He hadn’t wanted him to see the two of you. 
“Rebels!” The man croaked out, and you glanced over to find Anakin’s hand clenched in a fist, choking the man the same way he had done you. As soon as Anakin saw where your gaze had gone, his fist immediately uncurled. “There are Rebels on the ship. They’re trying to take the bridge!” 
You couldn’t even be grateful. You knew who it was. Kanan’s Force presence was getting stronger with every few seconds that passed, but all you could feel was pain, and not just your own either, now that you knew Anakin was alive, you could feel him. Not like earlier, when you had both been Jedi, the dark side shrouded him in too much blackness for that, but you could feel something . . . pain and confusion that echoed yours. “Stay here.” He instructed you, reaching for his mask. 
You grasped at his arm, stopping him. “Ani,” you gasped out, the first time the nickname had been directed at him in years made him stiffen. “Please don’t. Please. I’m begging you not to hurt them. They’re trying to save me, that’s it.” 
Anakin stared at you and for a moment his gaze softened, but as soon as you had seen it, it vanished again. “You have always been mine. I’m not going to let them take you away from me again.” Anakin leaned forward and you shivered as you felt those soft, familiar lips press against your forehead. “I’ve lost everything. Now that I know you’re alive, I won’t lose you too.” 
He stood up, pulling away from you, and placing the mask back on his beautiful face. “You were always mine too, Ani . . . Can you still say that?” You whispered to him. 
Anakin didn’t respond, merely stood there and stared down at you for a moment before leaving you, shutting the door behind him. 
You collapsed onto the cold, unforgiving floor, you fist hitting it as you screamed and sobbed out your pain. Never had you realized how cruel fate could be. First it had tortured you with his death, and now it had done something even worse. To have him dangling in front of you to snatch him away again was pure torture. It seemed as if you had now lost him even more than you had all those years ago. You were so lost in your own grief you didn’t hear the door opening, didn’t hear the call of your name until you were hauled off the ground and upright. “It’s me! It’s me! We’ve got to get you out of here!” The familiar voice said, shaking you somewhat to grab your attention. 
Finally, your vision cleared enough, and you saw the man crouched in front of you, concern in every line of his face. “Kanan . . .” You gasped out, flinging your arms around his neck. “Please, please get me out of here.” You pleaded, clinging to him as if he was your lifeline. 
“Hey, it’s okay,” You heard him say, gripping you tightly in his arms. “We’ll get you out of here. The Ghost is waiting.” And without another word, the man lifted you up into his arms as if you weighed nothing. “Sabine! Clear a path!” He called out to the woman you hadn’t even noticed. 
Relief filled your body for the briefest moment until you remembered something. If Kanan and Sabine were here . . . “Who’s on the Bridge, Kanan?! He’s going after them! They’ve got to get out of there!” You almost screamed in panic, flailing for a moment as you tried to get out of his arms. 
“Nobody!” He tightened his grip on you. “It’s R4 and Chopper! They made a distraction, and then they went back to the ship. Everyone’s safe, we’ve just got to get you out of here.” 
You collapsed against him in relief, burying your face in his shirt as you clung to him and closed your eyes. You didn’t want to see anything. You didn’t want to risk seeing him because you knew he must have felt you leaving. Your suspicions were confirmed as Kanan ran up the ramp to the Ghost and it began to close as soon as you were all clear. 
He screamed your name, loud and broken through the Force, and it forced your eyes open, staring into those black lenses from across the ship once more until the ramp blocked your view and Hera shot the ship into hyperspace. 
Kanan had heard it too. In fact, Ezra, who had joined the two of you, was covering his ears. “What the hell was that?” He asked, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, all you did was hold on to Kanan, burying your face in his shoulder as more tears fell down your cheeks. 
Never had you felt so broken, so tortured, so weak. You had been crushed by everything that had occurred, and you had no idea what to do about it. The only thing that managed to pull you out was a fragile voice. “Mom?” 
You lifted your head from Kanan’s shoulder, shock filling your eyes. “What are you doing here?!” You made Kanan put you down, running over to the little boy and gripping his shoulders, checking him over for any injuries. 
“He stowed away.” Kanan answered you. “He overheard that you were kidnapped and wanted to make sure you got home. We never let him out of the ship though, I promise.” He assured you. 
“Who was that man? That was screaming at you? I felt weird when I saw him . . .” 
Leaning forward, you pressed your forehead against your son’s for a moment, and then pulled back, looking into those familiar blue eyes that you had seen the dark version of moments earlier. “Don’t worry about it, Ani. Why don’t you go with Uncle Ezra for a bit. You two can practice lifting stuff, okay?” 
Anakin nodded, concern still on his little face, but he allowed Ezra to lead him back up the ladder. You brushed your tears away as you watched them go, turning back to Kanan when you felt his warm hand on your shoulder. “I’ve never seen you like that before . . . What did Vader do to you?” 
You placed your hand on top of his, giving it a squeeze. “I’ll tell you later, but first we’ve got to get back to base. I’ve got to talk to Ahsoka.”
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heartbeatan · 4 years
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Devil's Garden: Chapter 4
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Return to Chapter 3.
Return to Table of Contents.
Return to Desperado Series.
Return to Taehyung Fanfictions.
Return to Masterlist
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Chapter 4
You fucking idiot, Taehyung cursed himself when everything clicked. He knew that name. Stintsons. Fuck! He even wrote it down, double-underlined it so he could come back to it. He had the missing piece in his fucking hands for two days. He could have saved you from this. All he had to do was just been a detective for a fucking second, instead of fucking around with his thoughts of fucking his married client.
“He understands,” Mina’s gazed moved to Taehyung when your face showed no signs of overcoming confusion. He could see you turn to him in his periphery, but he didn’t look back. He had no time now to sympathize or explain, or to feel embarrassment or shame for not picking up on the connection sooner.
“We have no idea what he’s been up to, or what he does, and we don’t want to know,” Taehyung spoke, trying to keep his voice from vibrating in anger. “Let us go. We won’t talk to anyone; we’ll forget he exists. Erase him.”
“What?!” you breathed out at his proclamation. He winced wishing you had just kept still instead.
“I don’t think so,” said Mina. “Like I said, you showing up today is of great convenience to me, given the circumstance. I’m going to need you to do something for me first.”
Taehyung sighed and closed his eyes. When it comes to the mob, you never just “do something first.” That “doing something��� leads to more doings, to incrimination, until you’re trapped, in jail or dead.
“I’ll do it. Whatever you want, just let her go. She doesn’t need to be apart of this,” he finally adjusted his tone towards Mina in his attempt at a plea. The corner of her mouth pulled up in a smug satisfaction to finally see him grovel.
“She’s already involved,” Mina said as she turned to walk out of the room. “It’s you I don’t need. So, you decide how long you’ll be sticking around. But…” she pointed her finger towards you, “…she’s not going anywhere.” The two burly men followed her, closing the door behind them, leaving you alone. But Taehyung knew they would be back soon.
“What does she want?” you turned to Taehyung the moment the door closed. “Is she going to kill us?”
“I know we just met,” Taehyung cut you off before you could spin out. “But I need you to trust me. I need you to listen to everything I say from here on.”
“I do trust you, Taehyung,” you responded without missing a beat. His gaze darted to your eyes immediately, shocked by how easily those words slipped from your tongue, knowing that trust was something he wasn’t worthy of. “But you heard her. She doesn’t need you. You should leave if she’ll let you.”
“No,” he said firmly, ensuring you received the message without question. “This is my fault. I’m gonna get you out of this.”
“It’s not your…” your retort was interrupted when the door swung open with an industrial squeal.
The two men had returned. The brute, the one who had clocked Taehyung not long ago with his fist, pulled a knife off his waist and headed towards you. Your body tensed, leaning back into the chair as if you would be able to escape him.
“No!” Taehyung called, his heart beginning to pound. “No!” he called again, this time pulling hard at the ties around his wrists, nearly breaking skin as he did.
The man reached you, and with a strong grip pinned your arm still against the chair. He then dug the blade between your wrist and the zip-tie, and with a smooth flick the band snapped in half and fell underwhelmingly to the floor.
Taehyung let out a heavy breath, and he was fairly sure you did to. They were just releasing you from your confines, but he wanted to kick the man’s ass for being so fucking dramatic about it.
Once your second wrist was free, he turned the blade around, pointing the handle in your direction to take it. Rubbing your wrists, you looked back up at him, unsure what he was asking. The man nodded in Taehyung’s direction, and taking the blade, you understood what he was asking.
“Don’t try anything funny,” he said as you knelt before Taehyung and worked away at relieving his wrists of the zip-ties.
As Taehyung watched your trembling hands do so, his mind began to wander and plot. What if he took the knife from you? Could he overpower these brutes? Sink the blade into their necks? Take you by the hand and make a break for the exit? Adrenaline began to course through his veins as he thought about it, his body on edge ready to act the moment the second tie was removed – but, as he looked down at you, the dried blood still staining your face and hair, he realized that if you were both going to make it out in one piece, he would need to take a softer, more rational approach.
Now both released, you handed the knife back to your captor who returned it to its sheath. He then roughly grabbed you behind the elbow and pushed you in the direction of the door before he turned to Taehyung to do the same.
You walked down a long corridor, the floor covered in an aged carpet tile and the walls a large, off-white brick. You were in an office.
Is this…? Taehyung thought to himself until a door opened and you were both pushed out into the sunlight. It was. You were at Stintsons… Ezra’s office to be exact.
“Take this,” someone shoved an old cellphone into your hands. So old it had one of those walkie-talkie features on it. He flicked the dial for channel 04 and you could hear a static beep. “Don’t turn it off. Follow everything we say.” He then ushered you towards a car.
“You’ll drive,” someone slapped a set of keys into Taehyung’s hand and pushed him as well in the direction of the car. “Watch for speed bumps.”
Fuck, Taehyung said under his breath.
He climbed into the driver’s side, with you sitting next to him in the passenger’s seat. His eyes scanned the car quickly for anything that could be of value before checking the mirrors. He could see people climb into an SUV behind you. He looked forward and saw another party doing the same in a truck ahead.
“You’re gonna take Industrial to the 17, then make a right at the second light,” a voice came through the soundwaves.
Taehyung took a long breath through his nose, then closed his eyes as he pressed the clutch and turned the ignition. The engine – to his relief – roared to life without incident. He sure as fuck hoped Mina’s people knew what they were doing.
Before he put the car in first, he looked over to you. He didn’t know yet if he should tell you, but you looked calm – given the circumstance – as you sat next to him in your hoodie, holding the phone in your palm.
“Tuck your hair into your sweater,” Taehyung said. “Then pull your hood all the way up.”
You looked back at him inquisitively, but you did as he asked – brushing the strands off your face and tucking it all into the hood as he pulled the car out into the street.
“Pull it down as much as you can,” he insisted. “And look down the whole time we’re driving. Don’t look up at the CCTVs.” You understood then, he wanted you to hide from the cameras. It seemed counterintuitive, given that you were the ones being held captive, but you said you’d listen.
“How about you?” you inquired, noting he had nothing to protect his identity.
“Check the glove box,” he said, and you did. Finding it empty, but you didn’t stop there. You check the centre console, then stretched into the back, dipping your hands into the seat pockets in search of anything you could use.
“Ah ha!” you exclaimed as you returned to the front with a ballcap brandishing the Stintsons company logo across the front.
He took the cap and popped it onto his head, pulling the beak down as much as he could to hopefully protect his face enough.
“Take the next left,” a voice came through the phone again. Taehyung did as he was asked but noticed the SUV behind him had continued on straight, leaving your tail. You notice the truck you had been following hadn’t taken the left either.
“Why are they just leaving us like this?” you asked.
“There’s a bomb in this car,” he replied.
“What?!” you exclaimed. “How do you know that?”
“Stintson’s is just a front for the Uzo-Tuk.”
“You mean the gang?”
“Yeah,” Taehyung nodded. “They’re more than a gang. They’re a powerful crime ring. Drugs. Money. Weapons. People.”
“You better make that fucking light,” the voice came through the phone again. Taehyung peered up to see the yellow light too many meters ahead of him. But he did as he was asked, hitting the gas and speeding through the intersection. You grabbed the handle above the door, holding on for life and to your breath as the car rushed the intersection.
You made it through, though. An angry screech of a horn and a fuck you from a pedestrian you made it through the light as instructed.
“You think Ezra knew it was a front?” you asked when your stomach had settled from the rush.
“He was supposed to do a job for them, Y/N,” he didn’t mean for his tone to come off as patronizing, but it did. “I think he more than knew.”
“How do you know there’s a bomb?”
“It’s just their M.O. They park a car next to a target and then set it off remotely.”
“Was this what Ezra was supposed to do for them?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s on the next corner. Pull up to the curb as close as you can,” the final instruction came through the phone. “Then walk through the alley across the street and up the hill. Bring the phone.”
“Get out as soon as we park,” Taehyung said as he pulled the car towards the curb. “Keep your head down, take my hand. Don’t run.”
The car had barely reached a halt when you swung the door open. You made your way around the front as Taehyung close the driver’s door behind him. You took his hand as he had asked, kept your face low, and he guided you in a hurried stride across the street and towards the alley. The crumbled road ended in just a few metres, and led to a steep, dusty staircase that led from to a parking lot that elevated above the buildings. Henchmen greeted you when you reached the top, grabbing you roughly and dragging you towards the rest of the group.
Several of them held beers in their hands or a joint in their mouth while they laughed and joshed as if they were at a party. You had stayed glued to Taehyung’s side the best you could. He assumed you, smartly, were trying to stay out of the line of any of their sights. But it didn’t work. Taehyung watched as one of them, he appeared to be the leader, adorning a white tank exposing his sleeves of tattoos, looked over to you next to Taehyung and in an instant he knew he wasn’t going to leave you be.
“Hey, girly,” he called to you. “Come here for a second.”
“Leave her alone, man,” Taehyung groaned, trying to be as non-cholent as possible. But the man didn’t like that. So he walked up to the two of you, adjusting his presence to appear as menacing as he could, and pointing his finger in Taehyung’s face.
“I wasn’t fucking talking to you… MAN,” he said, and Taehyung almost laughed at his pathetic display of macho-ness. “Come here,” he said again to you, but this time grabbing a hold of your wrist and dragging you away. Strong hands grabbed Taehyung from behind, being sure he wouldn’t follow or try something. The tattoo’d man brought you to a spot on the ledge, so you could oversee the buildings below with perfect clarity. “You see that?” he pointed down to the street. “That’s the car you drove, right?” You didn’t answer, but he didn’t need you to answer. Instead, he pulled a phone from his pocket, tapped through the buttons until he handed it to you. “When I say, push the 'call' button.”
“Don’t fucking do it, man,” Taehyung called out. “Don’t make her do it!” How fucking cruel could these people be? Taehyung could see your expression change as you realized what was happening. You weren’t being asked to call someone – he wanted you to set off the bomb.”
“No. No, no, no,” you refuted as you pushed the phone away from you. “No, please. I can’t do that.”
“C’mon, baby. You can,” he patronized you with a disgustingly flirtatious tone. Taehyung jerked, trying to get a heavy hand off his shoulder.
“She’s not apart of this!” Taehyung called out again. “Just leave her out of it!” The hands holding him tightened their grip and he tried again to shake them off, but it only earned him a solid punch to the gut, leaving him breathless and kiltered over.
“Don’t!” you screamed when another one kicked Taehyung hard in the ribs, and you too tried to break away to come to his side, but the man had you held tightly. You turned and spat in his face. It was instinctive. You didn’t even realize you’d done it until it was too late. You didn’t have the time to consider how reckless it was, but before you could even think of what to do next a heavy hand clapped hard across your jaw, knocking you flat onto the earth.
“Fuck you!” Taehyung spat as he swung and arm trying to injure anyone near him.
Then… he heard a click, and his heart stopped.
He looked back. You were still on the ground. Mr. Tattoos standing above you, his arm stretched forward, in his hand a silver gun, arrogance lining his features, and rage making his veins visibly pop even under their array of ink. He wasn’t pointing the gun at you though. He was pointing it at Taehyung.
Everyone at the scene froze. It felt like someone had hit the pause button on a movie. It was possible at that moment that oxygen was no longer a human requirement, since no one on scene was taking any in.
“Stand up,” tattoos spoke, his command directed at you. Taehyung watched as your gaze followed from the gun to the place it was pointed, and when you saw it was pointed at Taehyung, when you realized that if you didn’t behave then something terrible was going to happen, you pulled yourself from the ground.
Taehyung wanted to call out again, but the stakes were too high now. But it hurt him to think about what this was going to do to you. Hurt him more knowing he could have been the one to keep you from this.
“Take this,” the man said as he handed you back the phone. “And when I say… you fucking push the button. Or else, your boyfriend here is dead.”
You looked back at Taehyung one last time. Your eyes filled with terror, and already filled with guilt and grief. Taehyung could tell you were asking him if it was alright. He nodded solemnly, although he didn’t know what your decision was going to be. Him? Or those innocent people, down there, on the street.
“Okay,” said tattoos. “Push it.”
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More thoughts on Prospect
so, @the-streamer-girl posted about people’s feelings on the Ezra/Damon dynamic when it comes to Cee ... and it turns out that I have a LOT to say. 
So the question of Damon vs Ezra was one that I thought about a LOT when I first watched Prospect, and continued to watch closely with each additional viewing. The simple answer: Ezra is a better role model  + influence in Cee’s life than Damon was, even after such a short time together.
The long answer:
I hope this doesn’t jump around too much, but it might. When we first meet Damon, he yells at Cee for exploring because she can’t sleep. She’s a teenager (I HC her to be about 16/7 years old at most) and she’s sassy about the gum/stim stuff, but instead of even giving her the courtesy of an answer, he just tosses the thrower to her and essentially tells her to make herself useful. You can look at it as treating her like a kid and forcing her to learn from her actions - but I view it as him ignoring what she says and giving her busy work to keep her out of his hair. When they’re talking about the Green and mining, he talks down to her. Doesn’t give her the space to ask questions, doesn’t give her straight answers, and seems almost bitter that they’re in the position they’re in - presumably because their family is fractured, which comes down to … the death of his wife - which he is likely reminded of every time he looks at Cee. I personally thought Damon telling Cee that she reminded him of his wife was kind of creepy. I know that it wasn’t meant to be, and that the sleep aid was clouding his brain a little, but the look he gave her and the WAY he was speaking didn’t sit right with me. It was an uncomfortable scene, and again, it featured him talking down to her - about the way she pronounced the name of the planet, about the way she felt about The Pug, etc. That could have been a really important instance of father/daughter bonding, and it wasn’t. I don’t think that it gave Cee any happy feelings to fall asleep to, either. The whole landing sequence, too, was just … him, focused on the task at hand, which is fine. He needed to get them safely to the ground, but at the same time, he treated her like she was just there and only served a specific purpose. The only time he ever acted like a father to her was when they found that first aurelac deposit - and even THAT changed very quickly when he saw how large the gem was. He was short with her about the chemicals and that’s fine with me - it’s a safety issue, so there’s no time for coddling. But as soon as she suggested that they take the gem, get square for the pod, and play it safe, he changes. He doesn’t care what she thinks or wants - he wants the gems and the money and the thrill of the harvest. Again, that’s why they’re there, so it’s alright, but … he’s not even willing to listen to her (And in the future, that makes me question how he would have been with the mercs, because he’s so… short-fused, I guess? He wouldn’t have been able to or willing to negotiate with them the same way Ezra did, and they would have been in the exact same circumstances. They still needed a way home, and I TRULY don’t think Damon would have been willing to cut profits, even if only by a little.) 
 I’m not sure what Damon’s plan was when it came to Ezra and #2. Yes, he needed to keep Cee a secret, but … what was the end goal? Stealing their stuff and then just running off and hoping that the two of them - with a giant gun - didn’t somehow find them and take revenge? Damon again got greedy - with his daughter standing RIGHT there, and was only focused on what he could gain from the situation. He wasn’t thinking ahead - and it’s what got him killed. Ezra could have shot Cee in that field. He did not. It would have been simple to do so - shoot her, take her filter, go about his business. He hesitated. Damon did not hesitate when he shot #2.
 Enter Ezra into the pod. Cee shot him - and I believe that he believes he deserved it. He stays calm and collected, talks to her like an adult the entire time, and provides a logical solution to a problem that they’re both in. He lets her make a choice. Damon didn’t. Damon didn’t listen to her, or give her a chance to make a point, or to decide anything for herself. 
 Throughout the time they’re traveling to the merc camp, Ezra KNOWS that he is hurt, and that Cee is the cause, but doesn’t take it out on her. He continues to engage her in conversation, to trust her to feed him, to pull off this scheme with him. It’s like he said in the pod; if Damon couldn’t do these things, or understand what was necessary to survive on the Green, he shouldn’t have been there. He would have likely gotten Cee killed at some point, and probably wouldn’t have felt as guilty about it as she did that he was dead. 
 I firmly believe that by the time they’ve made it to the Sater camp, Ezra feels protective for the girl, despite what’s at stake. He’s coaching her on what to do, speaking rationally to her, and guiding her behaviors in the tent, just because he knows what the etiquette is. He’s very literally being poisoned to death, and still lets the scene play out like it needs to to - just  be respectful. But they make a mistake and assume that like so many others, Ezra values the financial gain of this aurelac over human life. 
 Is Ezra a killer? Of course he is. But he doesn’t seem to be the type to turn to violent first, or just because, and I also believe that the way he speaks is an indication of what he believes in - honor and being a man and making the right choices based on the situation. Damon would have left Cee in a heartbeat for that much aurelac - that’s what, 90-115000 credits, easily? Each gem was at least as big as the original one they found. So he takes those, gets the supplies, LEAVES Cee and still goes on to the Queen’s Lair? 
 Yes. Then he doesn’t have to split profits. He doesn’t have to argue for two spots on a ride off. He doesn’t have to worry about taking care of Cee into the future. He would have made her some sort of “I’ll come back for you” promise, and wouldn’t have meant it. Ezra’s facial expression doesn’t betray him - yes, he’s interested in the aurelac in the case, but not at the expense of a teenage girl’s future. 
 When she finds him in the tent, he again trusts her, even after she left him at the mercy of the Sater. Yeah, he needs her, but it’s more than that. He’s still willing to continue on and continue their plan, because he’s still focused on getting both of them off of the moon and back home. It would be easy to go on on his own after she cuts his arm off, or to say “Hey, I might not be able to do this”, but he never loses his cool or outright lies to her about their chances.
 He argues for her with the mercs in a way that Damon never would have. He’s rational. He lets her speak. He includes her in every single aspect of it - and the only time he acts in his own best interest is when he attacks with the blade and requires her to act. But they work well as a team there, and she picks up on what she can do to save him/them very quickly. They’re on the same page, and it’s only been a couple of very trying days.
 They don’t leave each other. He doesn’t run when it gets hard to let her fend for herself. When they decide how to attack Inumon, they make the plan together - and they need each other for it to work. And yes, he might think that he’s a goner after it goes wrong, but he’s sincere about telling her to go and save herself - he wants at least one of them to get off the planet.  She might still be mad at him for Damon’s death, but there’s no way that she would have tried so hard to get him to that ship if she truly blamed him and still had any thoughts of revenge in her mind. She answered his question - are you a killer - and it turns out that they’re the same. Yes. Definitely - but only when necessary. AND I SAVED THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR LAST: THE STREAMER GIRL SCENE. 
 We know that Damon thought what she was doing was pointless and stupid and shouldn’t have been her focus. We know that he wanted her to focus on prospecting and learning “useful” skills all the time. We know that he was set in his ways, and had a certain idea of how she should act. Ezra is the opposite. He encourages her to tell him about the book, and about what she’s adding to it. He listens to her when she tells him why she likes it so much. He’s intrigued about her contribution to the story, and doesn’t think that having these wild ideas and fantastic imaginary interactions is stupid. She’s still a kid, and she needs a distraction, and Ezra doesn’t put her down for it - he encourages her. He tells her to do what makes him happy, and this whole scene might be the first moments of levity that Ezra has had in MONTHS. In the short time they’re together, he encourages her in so many ways that Damon didn’t - that we saw or that we learned from what she said about him. He hasn’t seen a kid in a long time, but it seems like even all of his time on the Green hasn’t jaded him to the same point that a life of odd jobs and rental pods did to Damon. I don’t think Ezra sees Cee as a burden. I don’t think he looks at her as someone simply there to control/boss around. The sunlight in that scene does a lot to show the expressions on their faces - they’re relaxed. They’re open with each other, and it’s a conversation that neither of them will forget. (I was telling @the-blind-assassin-12 yesterday that I think it might be the most important scene in the whole movie.) 
 I think that when they get off the Green, they would stick together for a while. Obviously, they’re both going to go live their lives at some point, but Cee’s got Ezra now. They went through these traumatic things together, and she’s invested in his life. He - I think - feels protective of her, too, and would want to make sure she was OK on her own when they get back to civilization. Might not be a point in a formal adoption, because she’s so close to being an adult, but I don’t think that’s necessary. So, a short answer to my long answer: Damon was a shit father, and got what he deserved for being so damn greedy. Ezra is a dangerous man, but he wouldn’t ever be dangerous to Cee in the way that Damon’s actions made him dangerous (after the first encounter). She is much better off without Damon, because she needed to be around and influenced by someone that was willing to include her in decisions and let her make her own choices, not boss her around like she’s still 5. 
 There’s so much more I could say, and I’m sure you didn’t want to read 1500 words as a response do I’ll stop here … but this movie has hit me in a way that I didn’t expect it to. 
I’d love to know your thoughts, too! 
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mitthsyndic · 3 years
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I didn't have time to proofread this, so let me know if there are any mistakes! I also did a little rebranding of my blog; I changed my icon, header and user (was chlmaera).
Read on AO3.
Summary: Maul embarks on his journey to finally end things with Obi-Wan Kenobi after years of bitter rivalry. With the lingering feeling that he will not come back from Tatooine, Maul pays a final visit to the person he loved most in the galaxy: you.
Pairing: Maul x Reader angst with a bit of fluff (gender-neutral).
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 1,846.
Goodbyes
Long ago, these surroundings were all too familiar to Maul. The hum of speeder traffic could almost constantly be heard from your apartment; the first few times he'd stayed the night, it had deeply irritated him. In time, he'd learnt to appreciate the ceaseless sounds of city life as a part of your relationship, and how to focus on the noises that brought him joy instead, like your soft singing voice floating throughout your home as you went about the day. He never imagined he'd miss the cacophony of urban living, let alone that it would bring a smile to his face.
The smell of local markets and restaurants would always drift up into your apartment, but Maul much preferred the smell of your own cooking. Whenever he'd come to visit and you'd be standing in the kitchen over the stove, it would temporarily satisfy the ache he'd long had in his heart for domesticity. The ache he never truly allowed himself to give into.
The taste never disappointed him too; the number of exotic spices and flavours you'd subjected him to from your small apartment on a planet you seldom left took him all across the galaxy. You'd always have a story prepared about the meal you made; over dinner, you'd tell him all about the meal and its various components, how you'd discovered it, how you cooked it. He was certain that the love and passion you put into cooking made the meal taste better than anyone else could ever make it.
Despite the lack of space, your home was beautifully decorated; he’d always thought it was a perfect reflection of your inner self. It was so distinctly you that even when he’d been alone here your presence lingered like a veiled phantom; he found it oddly comforting. As your relationship progressed, tabletops and shelves slowly became decorated with various trinkets he’d bring back for you, such as ornaments or unique stones and shells from countless planets business with Crimson Dawn had taken him to. He’d often longed to take you with him to see the galaxy (and fulfilled that longing a few times), but he feared too much for your safety to expose your relationship to the Empire and his other enemies. He felt it pointless to regret such things now, but a part of him still wished he could turn back time and do things a little differently.
He missed the soft touch of your lips against his, and your drowsy yet delicate caresses of his horns and skin in the early hours of the morning. Physical intimacy was not something he’d often allow himself to indulge in, mostly due to his own insecurities, but there had always been something special and comforting in your affection and desire for him. He had fully trusted you with every inch of his mind, body and soul.
And yet, it had been years since he last saw you.
With the help of Ezra Bridger, Maul had finally uncovered the location of his life-long nemesis, Obi-Wan Kenobi. He had practically fallen into his ship and punched in the coordinates, eagerly rushing to put an end to his rivalry with him. Just as his ship had been prepared to enter hyperspace, he paused for a moment. Allowing rational thoughts to enter his mind once again, he thought about the potential outcomes of fighting Kenobi. Although he’d proved a formidable foe, Maul was rather confident in himself that he could finally kill Kenobi. And yet, he simply could not shake the feeling that he would not ever leave Tatooine once he arrived. He would usually ignore a feeling like this, and label it paranoia. But, the logical side of him acknowledged that he was a little (rather, a lot) older than their last fight. Furthermore, he’d spent another time on Tatooine to know just how dangerous it could be. Eventually, he concluded that it was perfectly logical (and not too dramatic) to pay you a visit again, just in case it really was the last time he ever saw you.
And here he stood now, on your doorstep, anxiously awaiting you to answer his desperate knocks. It felt like an eternity before you finally opened the door, a surprised yet pleased look appearing on your face as you recognised him beneath his dark robes.
“Maul? I… really wasn’t expecting to see you on the other side of the door.” You offered him a warm, genuine smile as you stepped to the side. “Please, come in. If you can stay, that is.” “I have a little time.” He passed you and inhaled your familiar scent, feeling slightly more at ease now you’d happily welcomed him in. He paused for a moment beside you in the doorway, and turned to you. “Thank you.”
Not much had changed since he’d last been here. There were a few more trinkets and paintings, he presumed from your own travels since the last time you’d met, but every gift he’d given you remained proudly displayed around your home. The calming familiarity of your apartment brought him solace. He took a seat, and gestured for you to join him as you closed the door.
“What’s wrong? You seem… troubled.” You read his face with such ease as you settled beside him despite the many years you’d been apart. Sometimes, it appeared you knew him so well he felt certain that you were secretly incredibly strong with the Force.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just going on a… mission. I have a purpose. I thought I would stop by on the way.” He knew that you could tell he was lying.
“Good. It’s good to see you.” You stood, and looked over to the kitchen.
Despite your friendly demeanour, it was apparent that you felt a little awkward around Maul. When you were lovers, you would have pushed Maul to tell you how he was really feeling, and he’d eventually relent and allow you to reassure him as best you could. In that moment, he longed for you to pry into how he was feeling, or how he’d been. He knew that it was selfish of him to expect things to be exactly as they had been all those years ago due to the nature of your break-up.
“Can I get you anything?” You asked, eyes glancing between the kitchen and your feet, looking at everything except for Maul.
“No, please sit. I want to talk to you.” He pleaded, a little more desperately than he’d meant to come across. But, you obeyed, and sat beside him once again.
“The nature of my mission is dangerous, to say the least.” He sighed, suddenly feeling the tension that had been apparent to you since he entered. After a moment’s contemplation, he took in a deep breath, and decided to be honest with you. “I am confident as ever in myself, but since I left I have been unable to shake this feeling that I will not return from my mission. I knew I had to see you one last time before I died.” “And if you live?” You inquired, ever the optimist. Your question was sincere, though. He could tell from your expression that you believed him, but were doubtful that his feelings would come to fruition.
“Then I shall finally allow myself the life I have always wanted. I did not leave you because I didn’t love you; for my entire life, I have always been serving a greater evil than myself. Sidious, Mandalore, Crimson Dawn. Hatred and anger have always been my driving factor, and the way I connect myself to the dark side of the force. But, our relationship taught me that there is more to life than revenge and fury. Love, passion, domesticity, you. You taught me to live my life differently from the way I always had; I let myself love and be vulnerable and enjoy the smallest joys the galaxy has to offer.”
“Then why did you leave?” A question that he knew was coming, yet the hurt in your voice wounded him all the same. He couldn’t bear to meet the tearful, pained look in your eyes.
“I could never let myself be vulnerable and happy. There is comfort in familiarity; I understand how to be angry, violent and selfish. I find it hard to understand how to fully love and give myself to you the way you are able to with me. It was easier to go than to stay and learn about the other side of me.” He locked eyes with you, allowing himself to shed silent tears with you. “I feel as though I am finally ready. That is, if you’ll have me. I didn’t think to ask how you’ve been all this time.” “I’ve been good. Nothing much has changed, but I’m happy.” You broke eye contact with Maul, mustering up the courage to be as honest with him as he had been with you. “It took years to recover from the heartbreak of losing you, and yet I never truly healed from it. No other lover could have ever filled the void you left. But, I learnt to be happy without you, and in time, my anger towards you subsided, and I forgave you. I understand why you left, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.”
“I’m sorry. Truly.” He reached out, and took your hands in his.
“I know.” The two of you sat in silence for a little while, adapting to each other's touch and presence once again.
“When your mission is complete, come back home to me. Life is too short to deny oneself of the things you love. We’ll adjust to however we may have individually changed over the years, and we’ll make it work. Just, promise me that this time you’ll stay.” You broke the silence, and gave his hands a gentle squeeze. They felt a little more rough than you remembered.
“I promise.” Maul felt almost overjoyed at the new incentive to kill Kenobi; he could finally let go of all his hatred, and return home to you. He stood and walked to the door, and you followed. “I love you. I always have and I always will. I’ll see you very soon.”
Maul took your head in his hands and placed a delicate kiss onto your lips. As he went to pull away you deepened the kiss, the urge to make up for lost time increasing your yearning for each other. Or was it the lingering feeling that this really would be the last time you’d ever meet?
“I love you too, Maul. Be safe for me.” You grinned, watching Maul walk away and shutting the door behind him.
The persistent feeling that Maul would not return remained in both your minds as you parted once more, but you chose to remain hopeful. Maul, on the other hand, knew his fate was clear. Regardless, for the first time in a long time, he drifted off to sleep easily, dreaming of the future that the two of you never had.
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hopelikethemoon · 4 years
Text
Wandering Star || (Ezra x Reader) || {Moonbeams} || [smut]
Title: Wandering Star Rating: Explicit Length: 4,100 Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, mild angst, smut (fingering, missionary, girl on top).  Notes: Hey, this is what we call the “calm before the storm”.  Part seventeen of the Moonbeams series.
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Ezra thought you were asleep. You had been asleep up until a point. But it was hard to sleep through someone stroking and kissing your stomach while talking to it. 
“I have never been a particularly religious man. I’ve seen too much for that… dark things, even still. But I pray to the stars and the fates and whomever would listen to a man like me…” Ezra’s words were muffled as he pressed his lips to your skin. “I just want to make it to see you.” 
He shifted, pressing his cheek to your stomach, his prickly scruff tickling your skin as he listened within you. “Your mother can do this without me… She’s so much stronger than she acknowledges. You’ll be a very lucky little pup.” Ezra ran his hand along the curve of your waist as he stayed right where he was. “I have no doubt that her friends will be there for you too.” 
You wanted to reach out and play your fingers through his hair, to soothe the anguish in his voice. But he needed this. He needed to talk about his feelings, without you listening. 
“I’m scared, little one,” Ezra admitted and you felt a hot tear slide off his cheek and land on your stomach. “I was ready to free myself from this curse before she came into my life and now… I don’t want to lose my mind. I’ve seen all reason leave their eyes — what if I fall to that?”
He turned and peppered kisses over your stomach, fingers trailing over your skin with such reverence. “I find some solace in the fact that the beast is at ease with her, that she has given herself to its base desires, but what comes next?” He sighed heavily, pressing his forehead to your stomach. 
“Ezra,” You whispered, reaching down to play with the curls at the nape of his neck. He tensed briefly, before turning his face towards you, his eyes red with unshed tears. 
“Moonbeam,” He sniffed, wiping at his eyes hastily. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 
“Come here,” You beckoned him. “You should be talking to me about the beast’s base desires, not our baby.” You teased lightly as he moved up the bed and sank into the mattress beside you. 
“I don’t have a Shiva or Quinn to talk things through with,” He admitted, keeping his hand draped over your stomach. “I only have myself.”
“You have me.” You reminded him, brushing your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead. “I know you want to shield me, but you don’t have to. I would prefer it if we actually discussed the future… together.”
Ezra exhaled slowly, wiping at another stray tear as it trailed down his cheek. “The thing is… I don’t know. What I’ve learned from my brief encounters with the others, what I’ve seen… It’s all been different for us.”
“What about Sybil and Cora? They seem normal.” You pointed out, cupping Ezra’s cheek gently.  
“I have watched Sybil murder a human, without hesitation or provocation.”
You felt your heart sink, “Oh.”
“That’s how I got hurt before… Not Sybil directly, but the rest of the pack she was welcomed into. I smell too much like you.” He scooted closer, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. 
“How much do you remember?”
Ezra ran the tip of his nose down your neck, “It’s like a dream that’s just out of reach. The full moons are more vivid, more like a waking nightmare.” He pulled back a little.
“It always feels like you’re still there,” You told him, brushing your fingers over his cheek. “I see it in your eyes — the beast’s eyes. The way you respond to things I say… there’s an intelligence there.”
He nodded a little, running his hand down your side and curling his fingers around your hip. “At some level I’m there, but the memory just slips through my fingers.” Ezra held your gaze. “I could hurt you and have no recollection of it.”
“You’re not going to hurt me.” You told him flatly. “I have been around the beast to know that isn’t true.” 
“You may tame the beast, but he’s still a beast, moonbeam.”
“We seem to get along pretty well,” You gave him a look, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I just need you to hold on, Ezra. I know it’s hard, but I truly believe we can get through this.”
Ezra brushed his knuckles over your cheek, “I’m trying.” His gaze dropped to your lips, before he leaned in once more. His breath danced over your lips as he lingered briefly before kissing you. “It’s better when you’re here.” He whispered before adding, “Which is not to say I want you to give up your freedom to leave this rock.” 
“If only you knew the kind of deals I would make for you,” You told him without really thinking. 
Ezra’s eyes widened, his brows rising upwards. “You didn’t.”
You swallowed thickly around the lump in your throat, “I meant dealing with Quinn and Shiva.”
He looked unconvinced, “Do they cast a dark shadow over things for you too?”
“I couldn’t say.” You held his gaze, your breath caught somewhere in the back of your throat as you added, “I really can’t say.”
Ezra pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he held your gaze. “Neither can I. If we were saying something.”
You reached out and cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone. What had the shadow done to him? Was it tormenting him the same way it was going after you? 
Ezra leaned into your touch, his eyes sliding closed as he exhaled shakily. “What have you done, moonbeam? What sort of deal have you made?” He questioned, curling his fingers around your hand as he kept it pressed against his face. 
“I can’t say,” You whispered, leaning in to press your forehead against his. “But I would do anything for you, Ezra. I mean it.” 
“So would I.” He tilted his head so he could kiss you gently as his eyes opened to meet yours. “But we’re playing with fire.” 
“I know.” You pulled away from him, just enough to slide down his body so you could rest your cheek against his chest, curling your arm around his middle. “I don’t know how much is known. If this will be known.” Your voice wavered. “I don’t like keeping things from you, but… I have to.”
Ezra kissed the top of your head, exhaling against your hair. “Are you safe?”
“I think so.” You traced your fingers over a scar on his stomach. It was already over — you both knew that the shadow had his hooks caught in both of you. You had broken your deal. What came next?
Would you return to Arcadia and never leave? Would you be forced to brandish the shears? Would you end it?
You wanted to blame it on your pregnancy, but the underlying current of fear took hold of you swiftly. A quiet sobbed escaped you, one that you had been trying to keep locked away in your chest. But it broke free. 
“Moonbeam,” Ezra murmured, running his hand down the length of your back as he kissed the top of your head. “It’s okay. Shhh.” 
“I don’t want to lose this.” You muttered, moving to hide your face in the crook of his neck, your fears wetting his skin. “I don’t want to lose you.” 
“I’m not going anywhere.” He assured you, wrapping both of his arms around you. “Just go back to sleep, little lamb.” 
You focused on the weight of his hand as he ran it down your spine again and again. You focused on the way his chest rose and fell. You focused on the rush of your own pulse in your ears. 
It had been almost a year since you started visiting Lykaios. Ten months, more or less. You lost track of time in between departures and arrivals. You used to be better about knowing what day it was — back when you were focused on signing up with the program. 
But then things changed. Everything changed. 
You weren’t sure you could go back to that life. Especially with your child. If something happened — if the shadow reneged on the deal because Ezra knew now… You were going to lose him. 
Ezra had tried to prepare you. Not just tonight. He’d slip in little comments about the others on the moon, the ones who had succumbed to the madness of the curse. The ones that blurred the line between humanity and beast. That spent more time as the beast than in their human skin.
He’d started losing control after you arrived. The second time you came to Lykaois, he’d barred you from entering until he could control himself and then you had seen the beast hunting near your transport. 
Even now, as Ezra tried to quiet your tears, his features looked worn around the edges. Like no amount of sleep would erase the exhaustion in his eyes. 
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“I don’t get it.” Ezra muttered, propping his elbow up on the edge of the table as he pushed his fingers through his hair, smearing a streak of black grease across his forehead. 
You laughed a little, curling your fingers around the warm cup of tea, tapping your fingernails against the metal sides of the container. “I didn’t anticipate it being this complicated.” 
“I’ll figure it out,” Ezra assured you, glancing up from the center foil carburetor he was trying to retrofit. “How’s your tea?”
“Good.” You smiled a little, blowing on the surface of tea. “I miss caf though.” 
He smirked, “I think Shiva would have my balls if they found out I was letting you drink caf.” 
You scrunched up your nose, sitting the tea down as you pulled the blanket around your shoulders further. “You’re not wrong. They’ve been quite the hoverer. Which frankly surprised me, considering how against this,” You gestured between the two of you, “Shiva was.” 
He plucked up one of the wrenches off the table, “Huh,” Ezra tinkered with foil, swearing under his breath as the bolt he was working on refused to budge. “I suppose that’s good. I’m always looking for approval.” 
“Really?” Your brows rose upwards as you looked across the table at him. 
Ezra shrugged, “What?” 
You shook your head with a quiet laugh, “Nothing.” 
He stretched his leg out and tapped his foot against your ankle, “What?” 
You chewed on your bottom lip, stifling another laugh as you looked down at your tea. “That was my poor attempt at seeing whether you have a praise kink, Ezra.”
Ezra snorted, tossing the wrench back on the table as he raked his fingers through his hair, “It was a rather poor attempt.” He winked at you. “I guess I do.”
You propped your chin up on the palm of your hand as you looked across the table at him, “I might have to use that piece of knowledge.” 
He arched a brow at you, leaning around the table so he could curl his fingers around your knee, his chest pressed against the edge of the table to facilitate that. “Oh? And here I thought you had decided you preferred the beast over me.” 
You felt a flash of heat rise to your cheeks, “I have a good excuse for that.” 
Ezra rubbed his thumb over the bend of your knee, “I’m listening.”
“You know that thing we’re not actually discussing?” You questioned, your voice wavering as you held his gaze. He gave a stiff nod and you continued, “I had a nightmare that I’m still processing.” 
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as his eyes searched yours. His lips parted like he meant to say something, but he thought better of it and instead pulled away from you to pick up his tools. “The bolt’s corroded. If you happen upon de-c when you’re back on the Block, I might be able to finish upgrading the carburetor next month.” 
Ezra abandoned you at the table, taking his little kit of tools and stowing them away again. He had his back to you, but you knew him well enough to know that he was uncomfortable. You could see it in the rigid line of his spine and the way his fingers curled into fists. 
“Ez,” You started, waiting for him to look back at you, but he kept himself busy with reorganising the shelf of tools. “Remember what I told you about Alia?”
He muttered something under his breath, before looking glancing back at you over his shoulder, “You know about Roz.” 
You nodded slowly.
Ezra sighed heavily, pulling the storage hatch closed with a little more force than necessary. “Kriff.” He quipped, folding his arms across his chest as he turned around to face you. “That’s why things have been off between us?”
“It was so similar to Alia.” 
His jaw set hard as he looked away, “If it’s any consolation, I do regret it. I regretted it seconds after I killed her, but…” He hung his head. “I’m not that person anymore.”
“I know this.” You rubbed at your temples slowly. “But I was her… in the nightmare.” 
The crease between his brows deepened as he frowned, “What?”
“The empty promises, the sex, the fatal blow… I saw all of it in my nightmare and I haven’t been able to fully shake it.” You admitted, lowering your own gaze because you couldn’t stand to hold his. 
He was quiet for a long moment before he spoke, “I’m sorry.” 
“So am I.” You told him, curling your fingers around your cup in a vain attempt to hide the way they were trembling. “The beast is easier because… it’s you, but it isn’t at the same time. I can forget what I saw.” 
Ezra moved towards you then, kneeling on the ground beside your seat. “Moonbeam, if this isn’t what you want… I’m begging you to just tell me.”
“You are what I want.” You told him, winding your fingers through his hair gently. “It doesn’t help that I’m processing the nightmare, while dealing with so many new emotions. Quinn told me some long winded story about a toy he lost as a child and I cried.” 
“You cried over that?” He gave a short laugh at that, shaking his head. 
You shrugged, “You had to be there in the moment. But look, Ezra… I’m trying, alright?”
“I know you are.” He exhaled shakily as he looked up at you. “I wish I could’ve just told you what happened. You didn’t need to see it.”
“But I did and… I just need a little more time.” You traced your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone. “I want to be able to look at you and see the eyes I love again.” 
Ezra met your gaze. “Take as much as time as you need.” He murmured, curling his fingers around your hand and bringing them down to his lips. He rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm, before kissing the spot that had turned into a scar. 
“Have you had nightmares?” You questioned, suddenly wondering what parts of your life Ezra had been made privy to. 
He shook his head, “I don’t need nightmares to be tormented.” Ezra leaned forward and rested his forehead against your thigh. 
You ghosted your fingers down the back of his neck, “We’re going to get through this, Ezra.” You assured him, though a part of you wasn’t even convinced.  
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Your stomach felt like it was twisted into knots and it had nothing to do with your morning sickness, which had blessedly ebbed away these last few weeks.
Tomorrow you were leaving Lykaios, which meant visiting Arcadia. What would happen now that you had both broken part of your deals? While neither of you had confessed outright, you both knew. Would the shadow know? Would it be able to look into your mind and see what you had done?
There was a world of unknowns waiting for you tomorrow. 
“Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove.” Ezra drawled out, trailing his fingers down the length of your arm, your body molded back against his. 
“It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the star to every wand'ring bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.” He brushed his lips over the back of your neck as his fingers fanned out over your stomach. 
“Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.” 
You rested your hand over his at your stomach, leaning back against him as you turned your head just enough to look back at him, “Pulling the Shakespeare out?”
“It’s been on my mind.” He told you, pressing a kiss to the curve of your shoulder. “We’ll get through this, moonbeam.” 
“How did you know I was worrying about tomorrow?”
Ezra laughed softly, “Because I am worrying about tomorrow and the days following.” His breath was warm against your skin as he exhaled. “What if you can’t come back.” 
“I will come back.” You assured him. “Nothing is going to be able to keep me away.”
He didn’t seem convinced, “Just take care of you and the baby.” Ezra dipped his fingers beneath your shirt, stroking his fingers over your stomach. “You’re going to be showing soon.”
“I have a feeling I might pop by the time I come back.” You smiled at the thought of how excited Ezra was going to be when that happened. 
He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, a quiet little sound escaping him. “You have no idea how badly I want to see that, little lamb.” 
“You will.” You reassured him, slotting your fingers in between his and squeezing his hand. “I can’t wait to see your reaction.” 
Ezra snorted softly, “What do you think my reaction is going to be?”
“I’m hoping that you’ll go a little feral over it.” You taunted lightly, grinding back against him pointedly. 
He inhaled sharply, “Am I reading this situation correctly?” 
“Yes.” You breathed out, sliding your fingers over the back of his hand. “Tell me about those primal urges.” You guided his hand downward.
“Are you sure?” Ezra questioned, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of your pants. 
You nodded, “Please.” 
“Fuck.” He swore under his breath, his lips trailing down the length of your neck. “Tell me to stop and I will. Without hesitation.” Ezra shifted behind you and you could feel the hard length of his cock. 
“I won’t.” You didn’t want to leave Lykaios without this, without him. 
“I can’t fully explain it, moonbeam.” Ezra told you as he stroked his hand over your stomach. “It’s a sort of pride, knowing that my child is growing within you. Seeing the changes for myself.”
You let your eyes slip closed as Ezra spoke, focusing on the warm timbre of his voice. 
“I am in awe of you,” He drawled out as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your pants, traveling downwards to the apex of your thighs. “Does this turn you on?” He asked as he traced his fingers over your slick folds. “Knowing that I can’t wait until you’re heavy with my child and everyone knows that you’ve been claimed.”
“Ezra.” You breathed out, desire pooling hot in your lower belly, even as he pulled his hand away from your cunt. 
He maneuvered you onto your back, his body still curled around yours, but now he could look down at you. “Do you know what winds me up even more than thinking about your belly rounding with our child, moonbeam?”
You reached up and traced your thumb over the scar on his cheek, “What?” 
Ezra leaned down and brushed his lips over yours. He drew back, bringing his glistening fingers to his lips and licking them clean. “The way you give yourself to the beast. Even when the beast falls away, I still feel this deep seated joy that I have never felt before.” 
He moved to straddle your lower thighs, working to drag your pants down your hips. “It drives me crazy.” Ezra told you as he moved over you, knees braced on either side of you as he planted his palms on the mattress by your shoulders. 
You reached downwards to unfasten his pants, dragging the zipper down so you could free his hardened length. “The beast is still you.” You reminded him, holding his gaze. “And I told you… I want you.” 
Ezra surged towards you, his mouth crashing against yours in a desperate kiss that teetered on the edge of too rough. Your fingers sank into his hair, nails biting into his scalp, matching his kiss with your own need. 
His pants were barely pushed down beneath his ass, but they were forgotten as he settled himself between your thighs. 
Your lips parted with a breathy moan as his cock slid against your slick folds. He teased you, grinding into you without giving you what you really wanted. “Ezra.”
He dragged his thumb over the curve of your jawbone as he met your gaze, “Tell me what you want, moonbeam.” Ezra drawled out, reaching down between your bodies to guide his cock through your slick folds. 
You ran your fingers down the back of his neck, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. Those were the eyes you loved — kind despite everything he had gone through. 
“Just you.” You told him, your lashes fluttering as he chose that moment to sink the full length of his cock into you. 
Despite the desperation in the way that he had kissed you, Ezra took his time with you. He didn’t move at first, his fingers curling around your hip as he held still within you. 
He leaned down and pressed his forehead to yours, his breath mingling with yours between your lips. “I’m gonna roll us over. Alright, little lamb? I want you to lead.”
You nodded, tilting your chin to press a fleeting kiss to his lips. Ezra managed to rearrange the two of you without unseating himself. “Oh.” You breathed out, inner walls fluttering around as you straddled his hips. 
“That’s it.” He encouraged you, running his hands over the tops of your thighs as he watched you move above him. 
You peeled off your shirt, tossing it off the bed where your pants had landed before. 
“You are the most radiant visage of perfection.” Ezra told you, smoothing one hand over your stomach, as he reached up to gently fondle your breast. “There is nothing better than this.”
“I could say the same about you,” You retorted, far too occupied at riding his cock, than you were to think of flattering remarks to stroke his ego. You rolled your hips just right as you moved above him. 
Ezra licked the tip of his thumb, before reaching for the juncture where your bodies were joined to stroke his thumb over that throbbing bundle of nerves. You clenched around him, losing your pace for a moment. “Wish I could stay just like this.” 
“That would be inconvenient.” You retorted with a smirk, planting your hands on his chest so you could lean forward to kiss him. 
“I do like inconveniencing you.” Ezra nipped at your bottom lip, grinning up at you. His fingers tightened at your hip as he held you steady so he could thrust upwards, catching right against that sweet spot within you.
“Oh, fuck.” Your eyes clenched closed as you sat back up right and started moving with more haste. You were close — teetering right on the edge of coming undone. 
He grabbed at your hips roughly, hard enough to leave bruises and guided your movements as he moved beneath you. “Come on.” He urged, “Look at me.” 
You curled your fingers around his hands, opening your eyes to look down at him right as your release washed through you. 
Ezra followed right behind you, his lips parting with a throaty groan as he came apart. He rolled his hips beneath you, losing some of the momentum of his movements as he basked in the afterglow of his release. 
He pulled you downwards, winding his arms around you tightly. “You have to come back to me, moonbeam.” 
You pressed your lips to the spot above his heart. “No one can stop me.” You assured him, but you weren’t truly sure about that. 
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pretchatta · 4 years
Text
I (accidentally) rewatched the entirety of s1 of rebels recently (in my defense it is utterly flawless and possibly the best star wars content out there) anyway, when I was at the part where ezra is in the jedi temple on lothal and sees the inquisitor killing the rest of the crew his family I thought: what if that was kanan? and then this happened. (ao3 link in the source)
rating: teen, warnings for (non-permanent) character death and violence
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Kanan was running.
Somehow, the Inquisitor had found him on Lothal. The pau’an had ambushed him at the Kothal market during his supply run and Kanan had barely escaped with his life. As market stalls had tumbled to the ground around them, the people of Lothal had screamed and fled in fear. In the panic and confusion he’d lost both the supplies and his lightsaber, so now he ran.
He just had to make it to the Ghost, and then Hera could fly them all away to safety.
He raced across the plains, prey fleeing from a predator, the waist-high grasses whipping his legs and threatening to entangle his ankles. He somehow managed to stay ahead of his pursuer, but he could feel the Inquisitor gaining on him. He tried to increase his speed, but his legs wouldn’t move any faster through the grass.
By the time he reached the ship, he was barely holding onto his lead. Panic was rising in his chest.
“Hera, take off!” he shouted, racing up the ramp. He came past Zeb coming the other way.
“I’ve got your back, Kanan!” 
Kanan heard the hum of his bo-rifle activating. “Zeb, no!”
He was too slow to stop him. The clash of the staff against a lightsaber reached his ears from behind, and then his friend’s strangled yell. He turned just in time to see Zeb’s body hit the ground at the base of the ramp. 
Kanan stumbled backwards, looking up and into yellow glowing eyes. The Inquisitor’s mouth split into a cruel grin that revealed rows of pointed teeth.
“Hera!” Kanan yelled again desperately. Why wasn’t she starting the engines? Couldn’t she hear him?
His flight instinct took over and he made it to the ladder, scrambling up it. As he passed the nose gun, Sabine ran onto the balcony, blasters out. He opened his mouth to tell her to stop, run, go back, but she was already shooting at the dark figure emerging below. With an almost lazy flick of his saber, the Inquisitor sent the bolts straight back to her. Her body crumpled to the deck, the holes in her bodysuit smoking. Her armour had always been too small for her; she’d left Mandalore too young to have a full-sized suit.
With no way of his own to fight back, Kanan kept going up. At every rung he fought against the pain of knowing his family were sacrificing themselves for him. He made it to the top of the ladder when he heard something that made his heart drop through his feet.
“Stop right there!” 
Kanan looked down to see Ezra advancing on the Inquisitor, who had stowed his lightsaber and was about to step onto the first rung of the ladder. The pau’an turned to snarl at Kanan’s apprentice. A black-gloved hand shot out, fingers twisted into a claw, and Ezra was sent flying backwards. He hit the bulkhead with a sickening crunch and hung there, suspended for a moment, before the Inquisitor dropped his hand. Ezra fell to the floor. He didn’t move again.
“No!” Kanan screamed.
The eyes were back on him, and it was like his whole body was being drenched in fire and ice, the terror all-consuming. He fled upwards into the cockpit where, with a rush of relief, he saw Hera was already in the pilot’s seat.
“We have to go, now!” 
“What is it, love? What’s happening?” She stood up to meet him in the middle, relaxed and ignorant of the slaughter below.
“It’s the Inquisitor, he found me. We have to take off!”
“But he’s already on the ship.” If she knew that, why was she being so calm? “You should take the Phantom and get yourself to safety.”
He nodded; she was right. “Yeah, okay, let’s do that. Come on, let’s go!” He took her hand and dragged her to the door that led to the rest of the ship, but she resisted.
“I’ll hold him off so you can get away.” She took her blaster out of its holster.
“No, we can fight him together!” 
The pale, elongated head was already coming out of the hatch.
“Kanan, we cannot win this battle… You must run.” Her voice sounded different. She pushed him through the door. “Go, I’ll be right behind you.” 
Her blaster was raised and her body half turned towards the cockpit, but she was still looking at him. She didn’t see the dark shadow moving behind her, and he was too frozen with fear to warn her.
Her lips parted in a silent cry as the red blade blossomed from the center of her chest. The light faded from her eyes, and Kanan felt agony rip through his entire body as he watched.
“No! Hera! NO!”
The blade retracted and she sank to her knees, still staring sightlessly up at him. Slowly, she tipped sideways, landing on the deck in a sprawl of limbs and lekku. Dead, like the rest of his family. 
He hadn’t been strong enough to protect them, any of them. They had given their lives to protect him, and now it was his fault they were gone. He wasn’t even worthy of their sacrifice. 
The Inquisitor stepped over her lifeless form, advancing on him. He stumbled backwards, barely staying on his feet, trying to keep the distance between himself and his hunter. His back hit the closed doors at the other end of the corridor.
Was there any point in fighting back, now? What was left to live for?
The lightsaber ignited again, and with a snarl, the Inquisitor lunged forward. As he watched death coming for him, he screamed, for he realised that even after everything he was still a coward. He didn’t want to die.
The lightsaber slashed downwards. Everything went black.
-
-
-
His throat hurt. His muscles ached. Fear – no, terror – permeated every cell in his body. Something sharp was digging into his shoulder. He was screaming, a wordless shout that continued seamlessly from where he’d been a moment before. That was why his throat hurt. He stopped, but it still felt raw. He heaved a gasping breath.
He was in his bunk on the Ghost – no, Hera’s bunk. The sheets were twisted and wrapped around him, and his whole body was covered in sweat. Had he been dreaming? No, it was too real. They were all dead. His family were dead, and it was his fault, and he was dead too–
“Kanan? Kanan, wake up! It’s just a dream, please, love, you’re dreaming, wake up.”
Something was shaking him, and he realised the pain was from fingers gripping his shoulder.
“Hera?” he asked hoarsely, because even though it couldn’t possibly be her, he’d recognise that voice anywhere. 
“It’s me, love, I’m here.”
A soft hand cupped his cheek and turned his head to look at–
“Hera!”
He dived at her, wrapping his arms around her blissfully warm body, the forcefulness of his movement nearly taking them both off the bed and onto the floor. He didn’t care. He squeezed her tightly, feeling how alive she was, how real, clinging to her like a lifeline.
“You’re alive,” he whispered, rocking backwards and forwards, not letting her go. Tears streamed down his face, tears of relief and pain and love and fear.
“It’s okay, it was just a nightmare, you’re okay now,” she soothed, stroking his back with one arm – the other was trapped between them and unlikely to escape from his vice-like grip on her. “I’m okay. Everyone’s okay, you’re on the Ghost, we’re all safe, there’s nothing to be afraid of here.”
“It was – s-so real –” he choked between sobs. His whole body was shaking now, but she continued to stroke his back and just let him hold her.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head, burying his face in her shoulder. She pressed a kiss to the side of his face and her hand moved to his head to stroke his hair. Everything about her comforted him; the shape of her body, the way it physically pressed against him, the smell of her skin, the smooth glide of her hand over his head, the soft murmuring of her voice in his ear. Hera made him feel safe in a way that no person or place had since he was fourteen.
Eventually, his heart rate slowed to something nearer its normal pace and his breathing evened out. He loosened his grip on Hera and allowed her to find a more comfortable position, but didn’t completely let go of her; he wasn’t ready for that just yet. The fear and grief from the nightmare still lingered, tendrils of darkness lurking in the corners of his mind, but he felt somewhat in control of himself again. The dream may have been all of his worst fears rolled into one, tortuous visual, but it was just that; a dream. It wasn’t real.
He breathed in and opened himself to the Force. Immediately he felt Hera beside him, her presence blazing with love and a fierce protectiveness. Expanding his awareness outwards, he felt each member of his crew; his family. They all slept soundly, their Force signatures calm and muted, dreaming their own dreams. And alive. 
Despite everything, they were all miraculously, blissfully alive.
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madmiriam · 3 years
Text
My Mando (Din Djarin) /oc's backstory idea (includes alot of rexsoka shipping)
Warning!! : I can't spell for toffee and Tumblr deleted all of my proofreaders edits. Obviously she doesn't want to do it all over again so I've had to make do.
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(a clan of three by madmiriam (Me)
We all love the mandalorian, Din Djarin is so sexy as single dad and we all love him for it. But this makes it hard to write and engageing original character to go with this perfect specimen of a man, one that we can really connect with. Well I have a salutation, to connect with a character it helps if that character is also connected to a character/characters that you already know and love. So I give you my original character Jaig.
Look:
Like the picture above, originally I wasn't going to have Din and Grogu in it at first but I have a habit of making life difficult for myself, so your welcome.
Personality:
As an adult, she's calm and patient and has a sarcastic sense of humour.
As a child, she has a bubbly personality, a contagious smile, and an insatiable curiosity.
Strengths:
she finds it difficult to truly hate anyone, no matter what they've done, she proffers to look at the reasons behind the actions of others before jumping in for revenge, that's not to say she doesn't get angry at people, but her anger is not fuelled by hate. She has been fully trained in the use of weaponry, such as guns, granaids and other such, and has had a small amount of training with a lightsaber when she was younger. But afters a experiencing a tragedy at the age of 9 she hasn't touched one since, she proffers the us of DC hand guns. She is also a fairly good pilot and mechanic.
Weaknesses:
back when she was a child she had a hard time using the force when when overwhelmed. If the thoughts and feelings of others got to much, she would become force blind. When she grows older, (for certain reasons you will find out later on in. This story) she completely cuts herself off from the force. Unless her emotions get to much go handle, then the force would almost explodes out of her. She also doesn't do well when she's alown. Having grown up in various large family atmospheres. If she is not around people she cares about and loves, she will become closed off a dipressed.
Back story: (now bear with me, this storyline is set before she meets Din, its just an introduction to this character)
Jaig (due to her small Jaig eye like markings, and her father's personal connection to the simble) is the daughter of ex jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano and her mate/husband Captain Rex. She looks mostly human like her father, with the same amber eyes and his family's dark hair. But with the same facial structure of her mother, and a slightly darker and olive tinged skin tone. She also has distinct white making that were almost identical to her mother's. Except instead of diamond shapes on her forehead, she has jaig eye like markings. She was born 6 years after the clone wars ended, while her parents were on the run from the empire. Rex and Ahsoka had found it impossible to part from one another after the events of order 66, and after travelled from place to place avoiding the empire for a long time. Their feelings for one another grow, and they eventually married through the use of mandalorian marriage vows.
They built a home in the stars, and after a few years, to their great surprise and happiness they conserved and had Jaig. Things were finally looking up with the birth of their new found hope for the future.
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(Their new found hope for the future/baby Jaig by madmiriam (me)
But it was not to last. It was hard enough to hide themselves, a clone and a ex jedi from the empire. But now adding a force sensative baby to the mix as well, it made it damn near impossible for them all to stay together. Which; after a terrifying encounter with one of the Empires Inquisitors, forced them to make the difficult decision to part ways. Rex would head off insearch for a new home and hopefully find and de-chip as many brothers as he could. While ahsoka would keep traveling around the stars with Jaig. Avoiding the empire and its ruthless inquisitors, whilst trying to help Jaig build up her Shields. They both agreed to keep in touch and once Jaig's Shields were up and safely secure,(which for the average youngling would take 5 years or so) they would rejoin each other and dicided what to do next. But a year after their separation Rex's comms and messeges had stopped all together, and by the time Jaig had reached the age of five and had built up some suitable shields around her mind, neither she or her mother had herd from her father in over 4 years. Her mother was adament he was still alive, but as she grew older Jaig had a hard time believing her. For if he was alive why hadn't he come to find them? Why was he not answering her mothers messages that she still sent on a regular basis?
By the time she was 6 her mother was approached by Bail Organa, in regards to starting a rebellion, and that is what they spent the next 4 years working towards, staying in the shadows gradually building up a resistance to eventually overthrow the empire.
She and her mother met the ghost crew when she was 9 (the same age Anakin had been when he was found by qui gon) and after an uncomfortably close encounter with a mysterious Sith lord called Darth Vader, Jaig's mother disided it was time to bring her father into the fold, and sent Jaig of with the ghost crew to find Rex.
When meeting her father she had opted to wear a scarf to cover her face markings and, chose to withhold her name, and who she was until she found out more about the man who was her father. She was apprehensive about him. As she had no memorie of her dad, for she was only a baby when he left. The only thing she did have, was this warm comforting feeling that she felt whenever her mother spoke of him. A feeling of being held to a large ferm chest in two equally large and ferm muscular arms. Wrapped in a soft wool blanket. Her mother told her that this was the force making an imprint on one of the more emotional moments of her like. But all the same, she proffered to be cautious.
After spending some time with Rex and his bothers. She found her self really enjoying there company. Aspecially her father's. Who dispite having no idea who she was, had already shown that he had a clear paternal instinct. Particularly when teaching her and Ezra how to fish for "Big Bongo". However Kanan who clearly didn't trust Rex or his brothers had spent most of his time hovering around ether her or Ezra protectively, eventually telling them about his exspirence with order 66, an event her mother never talked about.
After seeing the heartbreak on her father's eyes at the memories he and Kanan spoke of. She desided it was time to tell him who she was. But that decision was cut short however when she overheard Rex telling Ezra that he wasn't going to come back with them. Even though he now knew her mother was alive (1 year after separating when the message's stopped he thought both his wife and child to be dead) Jaig ran of in tears when hearing this. She climbing down the ladder of the the AT-TE and walked ferther in front of the walking monstrosity. Away from everyone else. She had finally gotten used to the idea of her father coming back with them. Had become exited by it even. But now, the fact that he was refusing to come with them. Back to his home, his wife, to her. It hurt and overwhelmed her, more than she could say.
She didn't however see what happened after. When Sebine came out and acused Rex of selling them out, of contacting the empire and never answering Ahsoka's messages; at which point he finds out about how Wolfe had withheld all the messages from Ahsoka for 8 years. Thinking he was protecting his brothers from a potentially vengeful jedi. Rex was furious at Wolfe for hiding his own wife's messages to him, and coursing him to miss so much of his only child's life.
Rex: "we have a daughter Wolfe!!! My Jaig, my baby girl doesn't even know who I am because of you!!!"
Wolfe:(was shocked and full of regret when hearing this) "I.. I.. Didn't know... Rex I'm sorry, I didnt know"
Ezra:(recordnises the name) "wait Jaig? you meen our Jaig, Jaigs your daughter?"
Rex: "wait what?"
At this point they hear a shrill scream coming from down in front of the AT-TE. It was Jaig, she was being attact by the prob droid that had been sent by the empire.
The clones immediately go into action. Rex is handed a rifle and gets ready to shoot the prob as it backs his daughter into the ground. His ames and shoots true, killing the droid with one foul shot and then quickly dashes down to retrieve his daughter from under the sparking remains of the droid.
Jaig is in hysterics at this point. Having been taken by surprise by the droid along with the emotional turmoil of potentially losing her father all over again. She then resigned herself to just sit there and cry over how foolish she was for even seeing the attack coming. But now she was being held in the familiar strong arms of her father as he held his only child for the first time in over 8 years.
Rex: "I'm here sh shh, I'm here Ik'aad senaar (baby bird, a nickname he gave her as an infant) daddy's here, daddy's got you"
He says carefully stocking her familiar dark brown hair (that was now flowing free as her scarf had fallen loosely around her shoulders, revealing her beautiful face to her father who's eyes were now brimming with unshed tears) to calm her down as he picking her up and takes her back to the AT-TE. Where the others are waiting with bated breaths. Wolfe was holding a blanket out to wrap his shacking niece into and Gregor quickly dashing off to get her a hot chocolate hoping to make her feel better.
Jaig: "I was angry. Upset. You said you weren't coming home and, then everyone felt so angry and scared all at once. It was to much. (sighs) I have a hard time controling the force when I get overwhelmed like that. I couldn't even sence the prob. I'm. I'm sorry"
She exsplans after she sits down and has a few sips of the hot chocolate that had been placed in her hands. Accompanied a number of comforting back rubs from both her father and her uncles.
Wolfe apologies to her. Explains that he's the reason her father had been out of her life for so long. That he was just trying to protect his brothers but ended up hurting his other family because of it. And tells her he understands if she hates him.
Jaig: "your Wolfe aren't you? Uncle Wolfe? Mum (she has a slight clone like accent that they haven't noticed before) told me about you, said you worked with Grandpa Plo"
Wolfe: 😳"Grandpa Plo? 😂 Boy he would have loved to have herd you say that"
He said, both of them smile at each other, Jaig having forgiven her uncle for his laps in judgment.
All seemed well again until the empire calls them back to get the clones to hand over the rebels. The clones now fueled by the new found need to keep their new family out of harms way, tells the empire where they can stick it, and quickly try to usher the ghost crew along with Jaig into the phantom so they can escape While they all get ready to fight.
Jaig: "but I just found you, mum told me to bring you home, I can't leave you behind, da.. Please don't go"
She says clutching at his shirt as he huged her tight before holding her out to face him,
Rex:"no one's abandoning anyone. Jaig look at me (tilting her head to look. Into her eyes, eyes that matched her father's) we're soldiers Ik'aad senaar, this is what we were born to do, but this time we have something to fight for.. Its going to be OK, (presses his forehead against hers) I love you my Jaig eyes, I've loved you from the I first held you. Ha you were so tiny. I didn't want to let you go back then and I don't want to do it again now, but like last time it's something I have to do, to keep you safe, my Ik'aad senaar, (kissed her forhead lovingly) tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't make it home, and... And I love her ok."
He says before sending her back into the phantom, closing the door behind her before she can stop him.
Things then pan out like it does in the show, the phantom goes back to help the clones take down the walkers and Rex then decides he's not gonna spend any more of time away from Ahsoka and Jaig and choses to return with them and join the rebellion.
The reauion between Rex and Ahsoka continues the same, but insted of just a hug Ahsoka goes in for the kiss (how it should have always been in my opinion).
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(this art work was done by @nottonyharrison (please note: this image was used with the permission of the artist,) please go check them out, as you can see their art work is stunning)
They spend most of there time with the ghost crew, Ahsoka makes the Ghost her base to return to after missions, and Rex teaching combat and war strategies to both Ezra and Jaig, but mostly to Ezra, Jaig was; in his opinion still to young to get to deep into the oncoming war.
Rex:"let her be a kid for a little longer at least".
Jaig and Ezra had eventually become good friends, Jaig looking up to him as something of an older brother, following him every where he went like a little shadow. At first Ezra was annoyed, and try to get away from her at every turn. But after a while he found he quite like having someone look up to him for a change. As before her, he had been dubed the baby of the group with the most to learn. But now he had Jaig hanging on his evey word like it was gold. He found he enjoyed the new found responsibility.
Unfortunately with her shadowing Ezra so much. This meant she got into all kinds of trouble with him. Trouble that mostly involved them running down the corridor with an angry Zeb chasing after them. Zeb really didn't seem to like Jaig very much. Said it was like having two Ezras, and one was quite enough. However other trouble also included a short but terrible trip to malachor, where after being told she can't come along she choses to stow herself away on the phantom in the small rashon hold built into the floor, shielding her mind from her mother as they flow through space.
Ahsoka: (on a call to Rex) "well I definitely out rank you😉... 😟How Jaig doing?"
Rex: "welp she's not happy, she gone and hidden herself in one of thoughs little critter caves again, I'm making her favorite tonight so I know she'll show up by dinner time, but all the same😔..."
Ahsoka: "hay don't take it to heart Rex, you and I both know this is how she deals with being left behind for anything, she finds a small place to hide and sulk it out, just be ready with a plate of nuna and a hug and she bounces right back😄🙁 when she comes out tell her I love her, and I'll be home soon"
Rex: "I will🙂😟... May the force be with you" they hang up.
It's Ezra who ends up finding her, just after they land. Pointing her out to a stressed out Kanan and a very cross Ahsoka,
Ezra: "ummm guys, I think we have a stowaway",
Jaig: "before you get mad..... consider being proud of me, I stayed still for hours in there AND I shielded my mind the whole time, so you non of you even knew I was there"
Ahsoka: "DON'T push it young lady😠what were you thinking!! Your fathers gonna be worried sick!!!! 😤😔 welp since there's no turning back now, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get you back home and thoroughly grounded for a year"
The rest again plays out the same, they find Maul, Maul blinds Kanan, they get the sith holocromb but lose Ahsoka in the fight with Vader, though after seeing Jaig who looks so much like the little snippy girl from his old life, the Anakin in Vader hasitates to kill ahsoka and her child, and insted trys to convince the unwavering togruta to join him with her daughter.
Vader:"the galaxy shall never be safe for her Ahsoka, join me and I can protect her from the emperor. Join me and we can over throw him... Together"
Ahsoka: "how can I trust anything you say. If you were truly Anakin then how can you protect my daughter when you can't even protect yourself"
Jaig: "MUM!!!! MUUUMMMM!!!"
Ahsoka looks at her daughter running to her as the walls of the sith temple come down,
Ahsoka :"I'm sorry Jaig"
She say quietly as she force pushes he child into Ezra outside the temple as it fall around her and Vader out of the site of her family.
When all is quiet and Vader emerges from the rubble, after failing to find his former apprentice, the Anakin in him vows that he will not fail her child, he will do everything in his power to insure his master never find her, even if he has to hide her away himself to do it.
When Kanan, Ezra and Jaig return to base, Rex is in hysterics asking around.
Rex:"have you seen Jaig? Has anyone seen my baby?, its been over two days.. I can't find her..!!."
Jaig:"DADDY!!! 😭"
Rex turns to see her running out of a newly landed phantom in tears. Now knowing exactly where she'd been he quickly runs to her and scoops her up in his arm clucking her close to his chest in relief that she was home.
Rex:"you.. Are going to be the death of me, hey sh shshsh hey, hey what's the tears? what happen? where's your..? ."
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(a father's comfort, ruff drawing by madmiriam (me)
He couldn't finish the sentence as he looked around and sure two other people emerging from a now empty ship, neither one of them was his wife. Ezra looked him in the eyes and with out saying a word, he knew. He knew Ahsoka, his Ahsoka was gone. He closed his eyes, sheding one silent tear as he held his girl tighter, and slowly carried her away, away from the crowd, but not away from the heartache.
After the loss of her mother, Jaig's once bubblie personality had diminishes somewhat. She refuses to leave the side of eather her father or the members of the ghost crew. She goes on a few missions with them and liston to every word her father says about ways of fighting, fighting to protect herself and the people she loves. Before heading to a mission on geonosis he gives he one of his old DCs. (its twin had been lost in battle during the clone wars and he had gotten a replacement pear, but he had always kept his first well maintained in case he ever needed it)
Rex: "I know it's no lightsaber, but if will keep you and the others safe when used properly"
Jaig: "I don't want a lightsaber any more, 😔sabers get you killed"
Rex: " not all of them Ik'aad senaar" he sighs kissing her forehead "not all of them".
But even this would not last. When it came time for the empire to attack chopper base. Vader sends his own secret troops of undercover purge troopers to find and retrieve Jaig, and to also fake her death so both the empire and the rebels would not come looking for her. This of corse left Rex in his lowest point yet. After watching the ship he had put his daughter on to be evacuated blow up before it even left the ground. He found it hard to not simply drop all his defences and just calming walk into the flames after her. If it hadn't been for Zeb he probably would have. These kind of thoughts invaded his mind so frequently after that day, it was hard to remember when they didn't. He had lost both his wife and now his child. His hope and his reason for fighting were gone, and he wanted to go after them. But he couldn't. Not while there were still people to fight out there, the people who took everything for him and was still grabbing for more. People who his wife started this whole rebellion to fight against. No, he would keep fighting, as long as there is still even one imperial still left alive he would live and fight, until every last one of then were wiped out of existence. (that's gonna take a while)
Meanwhile Vader and Jaig finally meet properly face to mask. Jaig is having a hard time counselling her fear. But Vader was also having difficulty concealing his pain. Pain that had lingered since the moment he had emerged from that crumbled down sith temple, with no sign in the force or otherwise of his once padawan,. The last family he thought he had, that had not betrayed him, who had(once she had seen his face underneath his freshly cracked mask) said she wouldn't leave him, not again. But she had left him, not by her own design he knew, but she had left him all the same. And she had also left a child behind, a child like the one Padme would have given him if it weren't for both the sith and the jedi.
The jedi, who had forced his hand in turning to the dark side, by telling him he should just let Padme die for the good of the galaxy. The jedi who had abandoned his padawan, his little sister, his first child (if he could go so far as to say) in her time of need, and then exsept her to come back all smiles, acting as though her whole ordel was just a trial to prove herself to them. When it was them who should be providing themselves to her.
And the sith,. The sith who had manipulated him from day one to become what he is now, the sith who had taken every thing he had, his wife, his child, his brother/father figer, his little sister/daughter and his friends. The clones. His home all gone for the sake of his masters new empire😡. Yes he new this had been his master's plan all along, the war the clones, the inhibitor chips. All to gane more and more power for himself and to distroy the jedi in his wake. Dragging Anakin down into the darkness with him, and he would do the same thing to Jaig given the chance. Vader could feel the raw power of the force rolling of her, the energy mix with her fear would be a prime canderdate for Sidious's manipulation, should he ever discover her existence.
No!!! That would not happen, neither the sith or the jedi would have her, he would not alow it.
Jaig:"I know who you are.. I know what you did... You tryed to turn my mother before killing her, but you wouldn't turn me, you hear me, I.. Will.. Not... Turn"
She says her voice shacking with her body in fear.
Vader:"no... You will not..."
Jaig: "then why am I here? I haven't done anything to make you hate me.... At least... I don't think I have"
Vader:"I do not hate you Jaig, like your mother, much to my masters great..... disappointment... I could never hate you"
It was true. He couldn't hate her. Couldn't bring himself to hate her. But he couldn't love her either. He had no more love left in him to give. But he could protector for the sake of someone he had loved.
Jaig: confused "then.. Then please let me go, I won't tell anyone if that's what your worried about, I just want to go home, I want my dad, please I just want my daddy😰"
Vader: "you father's fate is.... Regrettable. However it is a necessary evil, it is emperative that he believes you to be dead"
Jaig: "why what did he do to you? what did any of my parents ever do to you?!"
Vader: "as shocking as it may sound, these actions are not done out of hate. You will know this soon enough but for now, I must focus on getting you as far away and as hidden as possible" he then calls in a trouper with red and black armor.
Vader: "CC-2224 I trust your men are ready"
Cody: "ready and awaiting orders.. Sir"
Cody says through gritted teeth not bearing to even look at his once general's masked face.
Vader:"good, I trust the surgery was a success for all of them?"
Cody: "yes.. Sir.. Though we are all having adjustment issues due to recent ... and.... less recent events"
Vader: "thoughs... issues.... had better not interfere with the performance of your mission commander, you and your men have been chosen for one reason and one reason only, and it is for your loyalty to her safety. I can feel your hatred for me commander Cody (Cody inhails sharply at the sound of his name) but I also know enough about you and your brother's to know that they will not let this anger get in the way. I trust you all know the consequences that await you should you fail"
He ignites his blood red saber to put more emphasis on his point.
Cody:"yes sir"
Vader:"very well, now take her and go, and protect her with your life, I shall make my own way back to base as some as I can, her training with began immediately after my return, so be sure to proper her, but until then you already know what to do".
Cody noded before walking over to Jaig, then bent down and gently but fermly lifts her out of her seat, and quickly carry her out of the cell, down the hall and, through the, docking Station towards a unmarked referbished gunship.
Jaig: "where are we going? "
She said with a soft whimper. She was relieved to be away from Vader but still felt apprehensive with the idea of being taken away yet again in the arms of this.. Purge trooper, at lest she thinks it's a purge trooper, she had never seen one before so she could only guess.
Cody: "sh sh it's gonna be OK little one, I'm taking you some were safe, but we have to hurry now"
Jaig:"why?"
Cody: "no one on this ship other than Vader knows we're here and we have to keep it that way kid"
Jaig:"why would you need to hide from your own men"
Cody:"cuz you never know whos watching, I'll explain more when we get off this ship and into hyperspace"
Once they were on board the gun ship, that had been modified to acomidate long period space travel. The modifications included everything from comfortable seating to a working hyperdrive. Cody set her down in one of the seats and strapped her fermly in before heading to the cockpit, leaving her now surrounded by four more purge troopers (hardcase, fives, dogma and waxer, who I'm gonna say lived, cuz I have attachment issues, boil is in the cockpit piloting the ship) who are all looking at her intensely through their helmets. (hardcase and fives are in borrowed discises, after Fives finds out about the chips he and hardcase desert the army and decide to strike out on their own to try and find out more about the chips and their perpose, unfortunately they were too late to do anything about it before oder 66 happened. They have been on the run ever since, until Vader aproches them, informing them that he has been keeping tabs on them, and had been insuring the empire believes them both to be dead, and tells them of the mission, they agree to help because it's Rex and ahsoka's daughter they'll be protecting, but only under the condition the they only report to a de-chipped Cody and all other clones included in the mission must also be de-chipped as well. Vader had agreed to this as he was going to have their chips all removed anyway, to prevent any itchy trigger fingers being near his new force sensative)
Once they're in hyperspace Cody returns to the main area of the gun ship, where the other clones are crowed around a frightened looking Jaig
Waxer: "is this her? Wow she looks so much like her mum"
Fives: "she has our eyes though, our wonderfully handsome eyes"
hardcase: "and out hair, Ha!! I knew Rex's hair wasn't naturally blonde😂"
Dogma:" technically Hardcase, her hair being brown isn't proof that his is to, she could have just gotten the hereditary Jango gen of dark hair"
Fives:"aww suck the fun out of it why don't you"
Cody: "guys back up, give her some space, your freaking her out, and take off your buckets, I don't think they're helping"
When their buckets were removed Jaig was shocked to see five versions of her father's face looking down at her, all old and a little worse for where's, but all very much clone. She recordnises three of them from her father's holopad.
Jaig: "Fives?"
Fives:😃 "yeah! Yeah kid, that's me your☝️ Uncle Fives (he kneals down taking her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze, before turning to Cody) she recordnised me first that must kill you😁"
Cody: 😠 "only cus you have a, dirty great 5 on your forehead You Di'kut"
He said before knealing down in front of her
Cody:"hey kid, sorry I couldn't introduce myself earlier, I'm your.."
Jaig:"Uncle Cody"
Cody:😁 "yeah kid (to Fives) SEE!! over there are your uncles Dogma, Waxer, Hardcase and back there in the cockpit is your uncle Boil, I know your probably not used to this many of us, but there's more we're we came from where we're going, though they live un a different fasilaty to ours, but every single one of them would be whiling to keep you safe if they knew. So you don't have to worry, we're not gonna let anything happen to you"
Jaig "but Vader.."
Cody: (places both hand at the side of her head and looks her dead in the eyes) "isn't going to TUCH you, not if we have anything to say about its, he may be our sponser, and he will be coming round every so often to check on you and train you. But you'll have several hundred or so uncles on the planet ready and waiting with fully loaded blasters should he ever try to hurt you, us 6 especially as we're the only clones there that know about you yet and we're gonna be living under the same roof, as you and one of us will always be close by to help you. OK kid, it's all gonna be ok (he says hugging her) your safe now"
Jaig: "but I don't want to be trained by Vader, I said I wouldn't turn and I meant it"
Cody: "it's alright, its alright. The one thing Vader has assured us of, is it he will not be training you in the dark side. And judging by the amount of effort he's putting into keeping you hidden, I'm inclined to believe him. He told us that you must block your self off from the force, what ever that means. Which is what he's going to show you how to do. Apparently it's the only way to keep the emperor off your scent. But like I said, one of us is always gonna be there should he try anything"
Fives:"yeah we'll look out for you kid, I know you miss your dad, and we're pretty poor substitutes, but we're here for you all the same"
Hardcase:"and we're not leaving anytime soon"
Dogma: "well not if we can help it"
Jaig "but where are we going?"
Cody: smile "to the closest thing we clones have to a home... Kamino"
Kamino had changed over the years, once the emperor had ordered to stop to any more clones creation. The cloning fasilaties had been abandoned by the kaminoans, along with all the rest of the untrained cadets who were all shipped of to the mustafa system to be trained and bred as the empires elite force of purge troopers.
The cloning facilities were left to the old now retired clones, to live out their days away from civilisation, many now wolowing in sadness and regret for their actions under the influence of their now un activated inhibitor chips.
The place Jaig and her other uncles were heading, was just a few hundred miles of from the main cloning compound. It had been kitted out with everything they might need, weaponry, shields, a food station, bedrooms, a bunkhouse, a training ground, and a shooting range. The only beings abord were now the clones, Jaig, the cook and the maintenance crew, well I say crew, it consisted of one male Ugnaught named Kuiil and three droid assistants whom he had reprogrammed to help with any and all clean up and maintenance duties.
Jaig would continue to live out there with her uncles for the next 5 years. They would go on to train her with any and all things clone, weaponry, though she had learnt a lot of that from her father's teachings, and the language and teachings of the mandalorian. The boys were insistent that she learn all of what little they knew of their heritage, as they were all descended from Jango, who was of mandolor. Any clone would tell you how proud the clones were of this heritage, and now they had someone to pass it all down to. They even taught Jaig the mandalorian wars songs that they had all learnt as cadets, and the Clone Haka, that had been performed by many clone troops over the years, before battle,. Much to the confusion and quite frankly terror of the B1 battle droids who witnessed them.
Fives: "ha your mum was pritty good at this to"
Jaig: now 12" my mum knew the Haka? "
She said, trying to picture her calm and serene togrutan mother, chanting, stomping and banging her chest along side millions of clones Warriors, all while making different faces and throatle sounds at the droids on the other side of the battlefield.
Hardcase: "oh yeah!! She was a natural, always shouting the chant in her loudest voice and making her scariest war face, like this 🤪😜🤪"
Fives: "and that my dear Jaig, was when your father fell in love🥰"
Vader came over as often as he could spare, when he was sure he couldn't be directed be his master or that anyone following him. Teaching Jaig how to disconnect herself from the force, telling her that if she continues to use it, the consequences would be severe.
Vader:"if the employer was ever to discover you exsisens, he would hunt you down in an instant, and kill anyone who trys to hide you from him. This is why you must never use the force again, and you must never leave. If anyone outside this fasilaty were to learn of your existence, you would be in mortal danger, as would everyone you care about"
Jaig: "but why couldn't my dad come? You could have had both our deaths faked and brought him here with me"
Vader: sighed "he is to mixed up with the rebel alliance, and besides, it was his reaction that sold your death to the universe. A trick I learned from my old master...the hard way"
He said bitterly.
Jaig knew she should hate him, he had taken her from her home, her friends and family. He had taken her mother, and it was because of his foolish decision to trust, a maniac, power hungy, sith Lord, that her family were forced to live in the shadows, and her mother, and father were force into separation when she was just an infant. She didn't like him by any means, she frequently tryed to avoid his at any turn. But she still couldn't feel hatred for him.
Cody: "na that your mother in you, she was never one to hold much of a grudge ether. She got angry at people don't get me wrong but she never hated them. She cryed over the potential execution of a woman who had Framed her for Murder once. And had taken the time to give all her deceased troops, who had tryed to gun her down a funeral. Even though she and your father where now on the run from the empire"
Over the years living there, she became closer with her uncles, or at least most of them. She argued with Boil on an almost daily basis, but they had their moments, she told him and Waxer how she met Numa, who was still fighting for the freedom of her home. She had a difficult time connecting with Dogma. He was very distance from her and didn't talk much. However she did like listening to him read. Dogma who had been a stiff by the book solder his entire life, and had been through so much, found he secretly quite enjoyed the company of his niece. But she spent most of her training with Fives and Hardcase. Both clones always new how to make her smile and told her many stories of her parents during the war, stories not even her parents had told her, (though they never much liked talking about the war), and she had given them a new lease of life, and new perpose. She was probably closest with Cody, he had know her father since they were both cadets, and was determined to teach her everything he knew, but he also showed his softer side with her. There were many a time he would be seen walking down the corridor carrying the young girl who was really getting a bit to big to be held, in his arms fast asleep from a long day.
She had also become quite good friends with Kuiil the maintenance manger, she learnt that he was paying off his debt to the empire through prolonged servitude, he had been in many battles he didn't believe in, until Vader; after seeing his reprogramming skills had, offered him a place on this secret compound. Kuiil had also taken quite a shine to Jaig, she was kind, and eager to learn the inner workings of the machines he fixed.
But yet again, even this would not last. After the destruction of the First Death Star, Lord Sidious had been furious with Vader, he tortured and demoted him. But through his touture he discovered the existence of the child Vader had taken such lengths to keep hidden from him. And through this new information, he devised a plan.
To brake his apprentices even ferther, he would force him to chose, chose between the life of his padawans child, who he had swarn to protect, and the life of his son, that he did not yet know about. But unfortunately for the emperor, he did not bargain for the tactical brilliance of the Clones.
When the empire, came to take the now 15 year old girl, they had already divested their own escape plan. They sent Jaig along with Kuill over to the kaminoan cloning facilities, turned clone retirement home, before the empire even entered the atmosphere. There she was frozen in to carbonite and fastened to the inside of the newly alcoved underbelly of a small one-seater Y wing (to insure the if the empire should come across them she would be well hidden and undetected, Kuiils cover story being that he was delivering supplies to the clones) there Kuiil would then fly far away from any siverlized planet. While, the clones continued to fight and defend the compound as though she was still there, and then proceed to escape themselves, using an old subship left over from the battle of Kamino. But not before bowing the place sky high, making it seem like the empires had fired at the fewl tanks corsing the whole building to be destroyed along with anyone who was inside.
This was not the out come Sidious had wished for, however with the now almost certain death of his ward, Vader plunged ever ferther into the void of darkness and hate. So the desired effect Sideous was planning for was reached anyway.
After being unfrozen from carbonite, Jaig and Kuiil parted ways. She chose to for her father, but it became fruitless. Chopper base had long since been evacuated and the rebel alliance was always one step ahead of her in their attempts to avoid the empire. For 2 years she searched for them, and fought the Empire where she could, until she finally stopped, delving into the belief that what ever family she knew was now gone, she rejoined Kuiil on a deserted planet called Arvala-7, while the galaxy celebrated the fall of the empire. Where for the next 5 years they would both try to live out their lives in peace, working the land and carrying for blurgs, until a mandolorian arrives on their planet, looking for a little green bounty, which starts of a whole new adventure for our now Adult Jaig.
OK guys let me know how I did, and if you would like to see Jaig's adventures with Din Djarin and little green bean Grogu. Let me know. I'm not much of a writer,. But I always got so irratated when reading Din Djarin/oc fics where to make her interesting, they give the oc force powers, with either no build up to it, or she's a run away jedi, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of season 2 were they're trying to find the jedi, so I thought I'd write my own. I wanted to have a character that has both a clear connection to both the mandalorian culture and the force, without making her a mary su. She has a connection to the force. But she can't use it, or control it. Therefore she can't train Grogu to use it. Which would mean they'd have to find the jedi, to help him learn to control his powers. Plus I don't want to just giving her everything with no preplanned reason. So here is my preplanned reason. I know these short scenes and conversations don't really delve much into her personality but that's were you come in. Tell me what you think of her, and what you think she's like as an adult. I wrote a few things like her kind nature and her sarcastic humour. But I could do with some ideas on what you would like to see. Let me know, and...
May the 4th be with you,😉
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julemmaes · 4 years
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What The
Prompt sent by @sayosdreams: Ezra goes on his first date
acotar next gen fan fiction
A/N: definitely not what I had planned for this prompt, but I’m not sad nor surprised. Ezra is 16, almost 17, Andra is 6 and the others don’t appear. But we’re introduced to Dara (MorxAndromache’s son) who is 16, Nia (AmrenxVarian’s daughter) who is 15, and Chelo (EmeriexAzriel’s second daughter) who is 6 and Fabien (FeyrexRhysand’s second son) who is 7 are mentioned.
Fic masterlist
Word count: 6,692
Ezra didn't know he could be so embarrassed for someone else. And so scared for his own personal safety.
When Nia and Dara had told him they'd found him someone to go out with, he'd never expected the guy in question to be...well, like this.
Daniel was peculiar.
When he'd seen him arrive at the bus stop where they'd arranged to meet, Ezra had immediately felt a creepy feeling of unease, which had only increased out of all proportion when the boy whose last name he didn't even know yet had hugged him like his grandmother did every time they visited.
Ezra had stood motionless with his eyebrows pinned to his hairline for a full minute while the other one formally introduced himself, reaching out a hand toward him. He'd seen her nails polished a cheerful pastel blue and had smiled, trying to quell that wrong feeling in the back of his mind, "I like your nails."
Daniel had chuckled disturbingly - the sound still etched in Ezra's mind - and then made a very serious face, "It's to let others know I'm so gay."
The Navarro boy hadn't commented, not wanting to make an immediate bad impression with his date, but he'd found at least five ways to retort to that immense bullshit.
Daniel had linked their arms together and told him he'd take him to his favorite spot, and Ezra had been hesitant with all that physical touch. Not because he wasn't used to having someone around all the time touching him in one way or another, but because Daniel seemed like the kind of person who had no idea what boundaries were and he wasn't keen on being kissed out of the blue.
"So, what are you?" he had suddenly asked him.
Ezra had arched an eyebrow, confused, "What am I?"
"Yes, what are you silly," the other had chuckled. Silly? What the- "Gay, bi, pan?" Ezra had been dumbfounded, and he was sure that if Daniel hadn't been dragging him along, he would have gotten stuck in the middle of the sidewalk. He'd blinked a few times, trying to figure out why someone would ask such a thing for no apparent reason. When he'd still been silent, looking for an answer that wouldn't make him look like a complete idiot, Daniel had asked him again, giving him a light shove.
Erza had looked at him at that point, his expression somewhere between surprised and furious, "I don't know yet, I'm trying to figure it out."
"Oh, poor thing, I'm sure you'll understand after tonight." and again that creepy giggle, "I'll make sure this date makes you realize you're completely gay."
He hadn't told anyone he was going on a date that night, only his two best friends, and in that moment he couldn't have regretted his decision more.
He'd made up an excuse for his parents and Cassian and Nesta were now home chilling, probably doing what they did every Saturday night when they somehow managed to get rid of their kids, but Ezra just wanted to call his mom and get the hell out of that fast food.
He made a disgusted grimace, moving a chip with a handkerchief, too afraid that he would catch some kind of disease if he actually touched that food, when something under the table caught his attention. He opened his eyes wide when he realized it was a cockroach and had to suppress a gag.
"Are you okay, Ezzy?" Daniel asked him in a squeaky voice - Danny, as he'd asked him to call him when they'd arrived at the venue, "You look a little pale."
Ezra looked up at the boy, unsure whether to tell him for the tenth time that he hated that stupid nickname he'd stuck on him almost an hour ago or to let it go and try to enjoy the rest of the evening. Staring at the individual in front of him for a second too long, he gave him the most fake smile he could muster, replying simply, "Everything's fine." even if it was anything but fine. He certainly couldn't tell him that he never wanted to hear another word come out of his mouth, or that the place creeped him out so much that he was sure he'd have nightmares for the rest of his life. Or that the group of guys sitting at the table next to them looked at them so wrong every time he used the word gay that he wouldn't be surprised if they ended the night running away from them.
He'd done so many little things to make him uncomfortable that Ezra was wondering if he wasn't doing it on purpose, if he was on some kind of candid camera and if his friends would be coming out of the kitchen any minute, laughing at his misfortunes.
"That's good." resumed Daniel, then took a bite of his sandwich and some sauce, which should have been any other color but the one it was, fell on the table, "Anyway, back to what we were talking about before."
Ezra winced, closing his eyes and trying not to breathe in the awful smell of dirty water that hovered around the place. He didn't want to go back to the conversation from before. He wanted to run away.
"The first time I came out was when I was eight years old and everyone called me names, like I was telling you." Daniel nodded, continuing to chew with his mouth open, and Ezra could only avoid looking at him for a short time before the boy demanded they make eye contact. He'd explicitly asked him several times.
"Oh and then of course the first Gay Pride I went to was only a few years ago, because you know, they don't do any in Velaris and never will, duh." the boy said making an x with his fingers as he shook his head. Ezra chuckled at that gesture, more out of desperation than anything else, and Daniel seemed to take it as an invitation to continue, because he launched into a detailed description of his first time having "gay sex" with someone.
He shut his brain down, planting a tugged smile on his lips and hoping the torture would end soon.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out as Daniel said, "I kissed someone for the first time when I was ten, a boy of course." He jumped from topic to topic with such ease that Ezra struggled to keep up with him and was a little grateful for that.
It was a text from Nia asking him how the date was going and that she and Dara were at the latter's house, waiting for him to ask to pick him up. He typed a reply quickly, offending her in every way possible for putting him in such a situation and begging her to come as soon as possible. He turned off the screen, putting his phone back in his pocket and then leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest and furrowing his brow as his brain perceived the words "blood" and "anal."
A not at all pleasant sensation began to blossom at the pit of his stomach.
He breathed through his nose deeply and regretted it soon after. If he hadn't ended up throwing up that night or dying, he would have given himself a weekend at a spa with the full package, sauna and all that crap and he would have forced Nia to pay for it. It was his friend's fault that he was now in this pathetic situation.
Ezra closed his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts and completely externalize himself from the outside world - something he'd learned to do on long trips to Illyria when his siblings decided to have a tantrum all at once. When Daniel didn't stop for another ten minutes and Ezra vaguely heard the word orgasm, he stood up abruptly, bringing his hands close to his ears in case he didn't stop talking.
Daniel brought one hand to his mouth and the other to his chest, startled by that sudden outburst from him.
"Ezzy..." he murmured, "what's wrong?"
Ezra clenched his hands into fists, closing his eyes. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was intensifying more and more, "Stop calling me that, please." then he stared into his eyes, leaning forward, "I asked you to stop two hours ago. Two hours."
Daniel stared at him open-mouthed, some chewed food was visible and Ezra was forced to turn away, trying to erase the image from his mind, but he heard it anyway when he asked, "Did I do something wrong?"
Ezra huffed out a laugh and the group of older boys, who had been watching them since they entered the fast food restaurant, stared at him with somber expressions, then shifted their gazes to Daniel. He brought his attention back to Daniel in turn and said in a low voice so that no one would hear him, "I'm sorry to have to tell you like this, but there won't be a second date and this one ends here."
He didn't even wait to see Daniel's reaction, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He shivered in the cold of the city and looked around, lost. He had no idea where he was. He didn't know what part of town that fast food was in, and he couldn't understand how Nia knew the place existed. He walked down the main street, hoping to find something - a store, a bus stop, anything - that would help him figure out where he was.
He had just finished slipping on his jacket when he felt a hand tighten around his wrist and pull hard enough to make him stumble backwards. He didn't even realize he was falling until his back hit the ground and the air rushed out of his lungs so violently that it shocked him. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to catch his breath. Panic didn't have time to make its way through his body that someone was pulling him up by force.
Ezra kicked his feet in the air, looking around, unsure whether to scream for help and trying hard to free himself from the stranger's grasp, when he realized with horror that it was Daniel.
The all too cheerful and bright eyes that had characterized that basic little face until that moment, that had frightened but more than anything else bored Ezra to the point of exhaustion, now shone with a new emotion and he was petrified to realize that he looked like another person entirely. It was anger, pure rage in the boy's pupils.
"Daniel-" he tried to say to get him to let go.
Daniel was still clutching the front of his shirt and shook his head when he said his name, "I don't get it, what is it?" he asked, tilting his head to the side smiling, "You don't like to talk about me being gay because you haven't figured out what you are yet?"
What was wrong with this guy?
Ezra's eyes were wide and he couldn't speak. He was afraid Daniel would hit him.
After all, he didn't know him. He didn't know anything about the person in front of him other than the fact that the only trait in his personality was being gay. He hadn't been able to get anything personal out of him, nothing about what school he attended, nothing about his family, his hobbies.
A sheer, unmitigated terror made its way through his mind as he realized that Daniel could easily have been even much older than he said he was.
"Let me go." murmured Ezra, clasping his hands around his wrists. The only certainty he had at that moment was the fact that Daniel wouldn't be able to pull out any kind of sharp object to hurt him as long as he had his hands on Ezra.
Daniel wasn't that much bigger than him, he was a few inches shorter, but Ezra wasn't the kind of guy who would get into fights and win. No, he wasn't like his brother. He was more the type who got pushed into the fight and ended up with a broken nose because he didn't want to hurt the other guy.
The door to the fast food restaurant opened behind him and he tried hard to block out the shaking of his hands, of his lower lip. He couldn't take his eyes off Daniel's, too scared that if he even moved a finger, the other would snap.
"Everything okay out here?" someone asked, a deep, gravelly voice.
Daniel's eyes snapped over his shoulder and loosened their grip on his shirt. Ezra took the opportunity to push him away. Cursing, he fell backwards again, cushioning his fall with his hands and felt a sharp pain go up his arm. Hissing, he brought the limb to his chest, clutching it with his other hand.
Arms slipped under his shoulders, helping him pull himself up, "Here."
As soon as he was on his feet, Ezra took three steps back, moving away from both men in front of him.
He realized with no small amount of dread that the newcomer was one of the boys who had been watching them all evening. He cursed mentally this time, trying to think his way out of the fucked up situation.
How had he ended up there?
How had he ended up in the ugliest neighborhood in all of Velaris just because he wanted to go on a date?
Daniel was looking at the man now, much bigger and bulkier than the two of them combined, and Ezra heard a bicycle bell ring in the distance.
The heads of all three snapped toward the sound, but the only one who started running toward the two approaching figures was Ezra. He heard Daniel yell his name, but that only prompted him to run faster.
Nia was flailing around, swinging dangerously on her bike, and she didn't seem to notice the condition he was in, because she was smiling like a little girl on Christmas morning, but Dara was.
"Nia, come here." Ezra heard him say even at that distance. The girl must have heard something in her boyfriend's tone too, because she bolted beside him and got off her bike silently. Ezra continued to run at breakneck speed until he was in front of his best friends and got on the bike Nia had just left behind. He ordered them both to take off with short breaths and Dara to pedal as fast as he could before darting off down the road.
The boy in question waited until Nia was safely settled on the rack before turning the bike around and following Ezra down the half-lit street.
What the hell had just happened?
***
"I think we should call aunt Nesta," Nia said, with a grave expression.
Dara shook his head, reaching behind her and resting an arm on the back of the bench, starting to play with a strand of her hair, "She'll riot if she finds out what happened."
Nia looked at him frowning, "So you think we should handle it?"
Dara nodded, reducing his lips to a thin line.
"The us-handling-it ended with Ezra almost getting himself killed," she pointed out to him, "I think we've done enough for tonight."
"Speaking of," Ezra murmured. He sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, his eyes closed, convinced that if he opened them he'd start crying. "Where the fuck did you find someone like that?"
A shiver ran through his body and he didn't know if it was because of the memory of Daniel or because they insisted on spending their Saturday nights in the cold backyard of Dara's house.
Nia scratched the back of her neck, "A friend told me she had a friend who was busting her balls because he's been single for too long and he reminded me of someone." she gave him a pointed look and shrugged, "I didn't think he'd be a psycho."
Dara chuckled tiredly and Ezra lifted his head to look at him, "Why are you laughing, that was terrifying." he repeated for the billionth time. "I don't think I'll ever date again."
"Actually as a first date it kinda sucked," mumbled the girl yawning. Erza knew they were both dead tired and it wouldn't make any difference if he stayed over at his aunt Mor's or went back to his house, either way he would find himself alone in a bed. He might as well avoid a sleepless night because of Nia's snoring.
Truth be told, he would have preferred to be cuddled by his sisters, but he would never admit that out loud.
He opened and closed the fingers of his left hand, wincing every time the cut on his wrist joint moved.
Nia was watching him closely, "You should probably disinfect that."
Ezra huffed, closing his eyes and scratching his eyebrow, "I'll do it when I get home."
"Do you want me to call your mother?" she offered, understanding immediately. Dara nodded beside her.
He thought about it and then shook his head, getting up and picking up the phone, "If you call her she'll think I'm dead or something bad happened - which is true," he nodded, dialing Nesta's number, and bringing the device to his ear, "but she doesn't need to know over the phone."
She answered on the first third ring.
"Ezra? What's wrong?" she asked with bated breath.
The boy grimaced, immediately realizing he had interrupted something, and Dara burst out laughing. By now it was common knowledge what his parents did every Saturday night. Even Dara's moms had their Wednesdays after all.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you," he narrowed his eyes, wrinkling his nose, "but, is there any way you could pick me up?"
Nesta didn't answer right away, but Ezra clearly heard the shifting of the sheets and the uncertain movements on the other side of the line and his father asked worriedly, "What happened?"
"I don't know-" Nesta answered him in a muffled voice, then more clearly, "Ezra everything alright? Are you okay?" anxiety lacing her words.
Fuck, this was exactly what he wanted to avoid. Making his parents worry about things that could easily be avoided was perhaps the thing he hated most in the world.
Casting a quick glance at his friends, he replied, "You know what, nothing, nevermind, I'll stay here and be back in the morning, don't worry about it." he tried to fake a smile, even though his mother couldn't see it and Dara scoffed, standing up and nearly knocking over Nia who was leaning on his shoulder, "Pass it to me." he murmured.
Ezra pulled away, reaching an arm out to his friend to hold him back as Dara smiled and reached for his phone.
"Where are you now?" asked Nesta urgently. More frantic movement on the other end of the phone, "I've got you on speaker."
Ezra grunted when Dara jabbed a finger into his ribs, "At aunt Mor's." he let out a giggle when he escaped his friend and started running around the garden, "But don't worry, I'm here with Dara and Nia, I'll be back tomorrow."
"Love, you never called me to pick you up in sixteen years of living," the woman pointed out to him. She heard her father agree with her as he warned her that he would wait for her in the car, "Even if nothing happened, something has to have and I don't want to put unnecessary burdens on Mor or Em. We're on our way." Ezra was about to retort when the beep beep of the call being closed rumbled through the phone.
The boy huffed, stopping his run abruptly, and Dara slammed into him, nearly knocking them both over. They burst out laughing as they pushed and pulled in a non-violent fight.
As they fell on top of each other, starting to tickle each other, Nia snickered from the porch, leaning against the railing, "How nice it is to have a boyfriend who has a boyfriend."
"You love us." both boys shouted, opening their eyes and mouths wide and looking at each other immediately after, "Aah, twins." they said again simultaneously. They burst out laughing and Nia ran a hand over her face, warning them that she was going into the house.
Dara stood up at that point, pushing Ezra away, but he helped him up anyway and they silently joined her, trying not to wake Mor and Emerie who were resting on the couch undisturbed. His friend asked him to warn his mother not to ring the bell, so that she wouldn't wake up his moms, and Ezra smiled and nodded.
Dara was the only child of aunts Mor and Em. He was only a few months younger than Ezra, but had been adopted when he was already two years old. Of course, none of the three could remember a day without the other two, and although Dara and Nia had been together for a few months now - after years and years of banter - the dynamics of the group had never changed.
Although Nia had become a little more possessive now where Dara was concerned, it was never really about jealousy. Ezra was just scared when she took on that stern expression that also characterized her mother Amren and threatened him with death when he accidentally hurt Dara during one of their friendly fights.
They entered the bedroom and Nia was already sprawled out on the mattress like a starfish. A soft snoring sounded in the room and Ezra shook his head, "How is she already asleep?"
Dara didn't answer him, but smiled slightly, looking at the shapeless mass of hair that hid the girl's face. He walked over to the bed, grabbing a blanket from the chair and trying to cover her entirely, but from the position she was in, an arm or leg would always be exposed to the chill air.
Ezra felt his heart tighten in his chest, "You're lucky." he whispered.
Dara snorted, looking up at him with a curled brow, "Don't go soft on me, you know we'll both start crying then." then he turned back to Nia, moving her hair out of her face, "It's also after eleven, if we start talking about this stuff I could seriously cry." an even wider smile made its way onto his lips and a twin one appeared on Ezra's. Plus, if Nia woke up with both of them crying, she wasn't going to let them live it down.
Dara and Nia had come before Cal and Nora, before Nate, Theo, and everyone else. Ezra didn't know what it would be like without them, and he never wanted to find out.
"You know, though, yeah," Dara whispered once they had settled into the bean bag chairs, "we're lucky."
Ezra looked into his eyes, yawning, "Do you think my mom will let me go to sleep without an interrogation?"
Dara grinned, "Are we talking about the same Nesta who kept us up an entire night just because she kept losing at UNO?" he reminded him of that deadly night a few years earlier, "Because I'm sure that a person who is willing to keep three whining babies awake just to win at a stupid game isn't going to let something that relevant go until they get their revenge."
Ezra groaned, closing his eyes, "I don't even know how to approach the subject."
"What part?" Dara then asked, watching him closely, "That you also like boys or that one guy almost smashed your face."
"Not helping." he deadpanned.
"No, but seriously," he pulled his legs up, crossing them underneath him, "I know your whole-" he moved a hand in midair, pointing to Ezra's head, "thinking and I don't want to make you more anxious than you need to be, but what if they don't react like you always thought they would?"
Ezra had thought about this countless times, about how his parents might react to such an admission, but the outcome had never bothered him much. He didn't really conceive the concept of coming out when you were growing up in a family like his. He didn't like the idea of having to specify to his parents that one day he might bring home someone who wasn't a woman.
One of his father's closest friends was a lesbian and her son was sitting across from him. If his parents had any objections to that, they would certainly have told him or talked about it.
He was sure it wouldn't have sparked any reaction in his parents.
"It'll be fine." said Ezra only.
"Definitely." Dara dropped his head back, "So how do you plan to introduce the I-went-out-with-a-crazy-man instead?"
Ezra shook his head, "I don't?"
"I'm serious." the other replied, closing his eyes.
"So am I."
They remained silent, Dara surely having realized Ezra didn't want to talk about Daniel anymore.
"What are you planning on doing for Valentine's Day?" he asked suddenly.
Dara chuckled, "I have a girlfriend now man, we can't go out anymore, you and I."
"You dumbass," Ezra insulted him, "I meant with Nia. Where are you taking her?"
Dara pulled himself up, stretching his arms overhead. The boy couldn't sit still for half a minute. "Actually I think she wants to take me somewhere and I'll let her," he nodded thoughtfully, "Although I'm kind of terrified she's going to take me into the woods and kill me, I'm going to activate the location on my phone so you'll always know where I am."
Ezra didn't laugh, he just nodded. The phone vibrated in his hand and his stomach twisted again.
"We're out." the message from his mother read.
He looked up at Dara and found his friend watching him, who gave him an encouraging smile.
They bid each other goonight with their secret handshake and then Ezra walked out of the room just as Dara lifted Nia and tucked her under the covers, laying down next to her.
***
"Are you going to tell us what's going on or are we going to have to guess?" asked Cassian looking over his shoulder once he was in the car.
They were already halfway home and Ezra had only said hello to them, in a very controlled tone of voice, but his mother had tossed back in her seat and stared into his eyes for what had seemed like hours before shifting her gaze to her husband and saying, "Yeah, something happened."
She had watched him for so long that he couldn't understand how she hadn't seen the bloodstain on his sweatshirt. He pulled up the zipper on his jacket, already thinking about how he could remove the stain from the fabric.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" he tried to ask. He was looking out the window, but he could feel both his parents' eyes on him.
"Can you sleep if you don't talk about it, or are you going to be up all night?" asked Cassian again, "Because if it's the latter, I'd rather talk about it now."
Ezra closed his eyes, thinking about what to answer. "Is Andra home?" he asked softly.
Nesta nodded, "She's been asleep for a couple of hours though. She's been playing all day with Fabien and Chelo and was dead tired." she said in a chipper tone, "How come?"
"I'm taking her to my room." he replied only.
His mother turned to him again, this time with a lopsided smile on her face, "It's not like she's a dog."
"Yeah, I know," he smiled back, "but at least I'll sleep better."
"Alright, we'll talk about it tomorrow though," Nesta told him. He merely nodded.
Not even two minutes passed and Cassian asked, "Did you have a fight with Dara?"
Ezra nearly burst out laughing, "No, Dad."
"With Nia?"
"Cass." his mom admonished him.
The man turned to her with a mock confused expression, "What?"
"He told us he'd talk about it tomorrow, stop it."
Cassian huffed, "Fine."
As soon as they arrived home, Ezra said goodnight to both of them and went straight to his room. He slipped off his jacket and got into his pajama pants, grabbing his shirt and heading to the bathroom to try and clean his sweatshirt as best he could.
He remained shirtless as he searched the drawers for cotton wool and wound sanitizer. He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as he spilled some of the liquid on his cut. It wasn't too long or deep, but it had bled him quite a bit, especially considering he hadn't stopped moving his hand half a second, preventing the skin from healing.
He'd definitely done it to himself when he got free of Daniel, but he hadn't realized he'd hurt himself that badly until he'd gotten to Dara's house and Nia had seen the red stain on his sweatshirt. He cleaned the cut from the dried blood, changing cotton balls after the first one had turned completely red.
He turned on the water, running his entire forearm under it, when the bathroom door opened and his mother's head popped into view. At any other time he would have told her that she had to knock before entering their bathroom, that he might be naked, but upon seeing the color drain from her face, he remained silent.
He turned off the faucet, cupping his hand over his wrist as Nesta entered the bathroom and stared in pure terror at the cotton wool and blood on the sink. He hadn't seen his mother so scared since the day he'd broken his arm.
"Mom..." whispered Ezra, stepping forward, toward her.
"What happened?" she asked bringing a hand to her throat. Then she looked into his eyes, "Did you do it yourself?"
Ezra frowned, confused. Then the shock of what his mother's newly spoken words implied hit him and he shook his head, wincing. "No, god- no mom. I-"
Nesta moved until she was in front of him and gently took his arm, moving his hand from his wrist until she saw the cut and sighed. Whether in relief or otherwise, Ezra didn't know.
"You need to tell me what's going on, and no, you can't go to bed without telling me what you did tonight first," she murmured to him, without looking at his face. She had taken another piece of cotton and was dabbing at his wrist with the gentleness that only a mother with her children could have, checking for soil residue or anything else.
"Nesta?"
Ezra winced when he heard his father's voice calling to her.
Mom looked him in the eye, tossing the wadded up bits, "If you promise me that as soon as you get out of here you'll come talk to us, I'll go out now and let you get ready for the night in peace." she told him.
She was looking at him with so much emotion that Ezra regretted even thinking about lying to her and telling her he just fell off his bike. Besides, if it had been about something so stupid, he would have told her right away and she knew it. So, lowering his gaze to the floor, he nodded, "I promise."
Stepping out, she picked up the clothes Ezra had left on the floor and then he was alone again. He brushed his teeth, thinking about how to deal with this. He grabbed a band-aid from Celia's locker - she used more than anyone else put together because of soccer - and then slipped on his pajama shirt, leaving the bathroom and heading for his parents' room. Halfway down the hallway he turned around and stopped with his hand on the doorknob of his room. He closed his eyes, smacking his forehead against the wood, "Let's do this."
He didn't have time to knock that his parents' door opened and Cassian looked at him differently than he always did, looked at him like he was trying to read his mind. Ezra felt himself blush for the first time in a long time and shifted his gaze to his mother, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and smiling at him.
Ezra slipped into the room, sitting down at the end of the bed. Nesta settled against the bedpost and Cassian sat down, facing the wall. He couldn't see his father's face, but he sensed his concern as waves radiated from his body.
"I had a date tonight." mumbled Ezra playing with the blanket, but keeping his eyes on his mother.
Nesta opened her mouth slightly wide in surprise, then closed it again, composing herself, "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I don't know," he confessed.
"How did it go?" asked Cassian, turning to face him.
Ezra scratched his head, "Bad."
"I'm sorry." his mother told him with as much sincerity in her voice as she could muster. Then she cast a quick glance at his dad and Ezra took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was to come. "How did it get so bad?"
"The other one wasn't exactly sane," he said, brushing the patch with his fingers.
Cassian stiffened and flexed his fingers several times, "Did she do anything to you?"
Ezra felt his heart start to beat a little faster, "He was-" then he stopped, looking at his parents. Neither Nesta nor Cassian seemed the least bit touched by what he'd just said. "He was peculiar."
They waited for him to speak, giving him time to process.
"He immediately started touching me and normally-"
His father interrupted him, "Touching you?" he asked in a low voice.
Ezra had never heard that tone of voice before. He had never seen Cassian's eyes grow so dark, his jaw so taut. Everything in the man's body screamed anger. His mother had pulled herself up straighter and extended a hand toward her husband, as if she needed physical support to deal with such a conversation.
He was quick to specify, "Hugs, he was always trying to find a way to touch my hands, my face, and normally it wouldn't bother me, but it was the first time I'd seen him and god, I don't even know his fucking last name." he didn't bother not to say the bad word. He knew his mother didn't care right then and he needed to vent. Cassian nodded and while Nesta seemed to have relaxed a bit, his father hadn't lost that feeling of hatred that was rippling across his face.
"He talked the whole time about things purely related to the fact that he was gay and he went into detail." he said with wide eyes, "And he demanded that we look at each other while he talked and that made me uncomfortable in no small part and the place he took me to." he shuddered, "It looked like something out of one of those TV shows that Celia always watches about houses full of trash."
Nesta crossed her arms over her chest, with a worried gaze, "Why didn't you call me? I would have come right away."
Ezra looked at her, shaking his head, "I thought about it, but I had arranged with Nia and Dara that they would pick me up with their bikes and I texted Nia and-"
He paused to catch his breath.
"As soon as he said the word orgasm I got up and told him I didn't want to see him anymore and left."
Cassian nodded, "You did the right thing." he told him resting a hand on his ankle, "With these people you never know what can happen-"
Nesta interrupted him, "How did you get the cut?"
His dad frowned and turned to her, but Nesta was just watching Ezra as she bit her lip, growing more and more agitated.
He closed his eyes, sighing, "I fell."
"Yeah, but how?"
He remained silent, trying to find a way to tell the story from the beginning without his parents losing years of their lives before he could finish telling.
"Ezra." his father murmured, tightening his grip on his ankle.
He took a deep breath and tried to say it all at once before they could interrupt him, fixing his eyes on the seams of his pajamas, "He followed me outside and grabbed my arm, but I fell backwards. He grabbed me by my jacket and when I managed to get free again I must have fallen on a rock or something sharp because I hurt my hand." his voice was shaking at the end of the sentence and he hadn't realized how striking it had actually been for him. "Some guy came out of the fast food restaurant and distracted Daniel and I ran. I found Nia and Dara on their bikes and we rode home." then he wrinkled his brow, "I've already blocked his number and his every social account." he added under his breath. When he looked up at his parents, he felt tremendous guilt. Nesta had a hand over her mouth and her eyes slightly glazed over. He could see all kinds of emotions battling there: anger, apprehension, panic, worry. He could see how much it was costing her not to leave that house and go find Daniel on her own.
Cassian had sprung to his feet and was now pacing back and forth between the closet and the bathroom, hands crossed behind his head as he took deep breaths.
Ezra didn't know what to do. They had broached the subject of relationships many times before, there was no reason why they should have to explain to him why everything that had happened was wrong and that it wasn't normal, that it wasn't his fault. He knew.
"Are you okay?" his mom asked him.
He nodded, "I didn't want to tell you tonight because we're all tired, tomorrow morning would have been better." then he shifted his gaze to his dad, "I'm sorry, dad."
Cassian froze, letting go of a trembling breath as he shook his head. He sat down next to his son, wrapping his arms around him and holding him to his chest. Ezra melted into the embrace, wrapping his arms around him in turn.
"You don't have to apologize for anything," he murmured to him. He pulled away just enough to look into his eyes. Then he shook his head again, "I'm sorry you didn't tell us about the date and I'd appreciate it if in the future you would."
"Yeah," Nesta indulged him, moving around on the mattress until she was next to them and could place a hand on his face, "we don't care who you go out with, but at least know where you're going so that if something happens we know where to come get you."
Ezra nodded.
Then Nesta opened her arms and he released herself from his father's grasp to find comfort in his mom's.
"I'm sorry, love." she whispered to him.
Ezra shrugged, saying in a muffled voice, "Don't worry, I'm fine."
And he was indeed fine.
He felt his father's hand caressing his back and they stayed there for a while longer, while Nesta and Cassian exchanged a look full of emotions and worries, but also of relief because the evening could have ended in a completely different way.
It wasn't until the next day that they would ask him if he wanted to press charges and how it would all play out should he decide to continue, only after they had talked about it a whole night between the two of them.
In the meantime, Ezra would come out of their room after saying goodnight to them for the second time and crawl into Andra's bed, where the little sister would immediately attach herself like an octopus to his neck and where they would fall asleep peacefully hugging.
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