#whee autism

[smile-files]

i think one of the most fun things about having goody gardens is that it lets me not worry about being fully cohesive... like if i want to wear more comfy, flannely, corduroy-y things? that's worrywart! if i want to wear brighter, happier, more childlike things? that's sunshine lollipop! etc. and also this way i have an excuse to have like... 7 fursonas at once. if i so desired. it's all about self-expression!! whee!!!

[she-waves-at-cats]

I never could understand how billionaires thought, and I'd given up trying, because i was more focused on understanding the ordinary people around me (and mostly failing).

Now I'm ready, now i understand the logic, and that understanding hits me like a wave of nausea, because the logic is so unbelievably fucked up.

Btw, this is the article that finally spoke to me (https://www.salon.com/2022/11/20/what-the-sam-bankman-fried-debacle-can-teach-us-about-longtermism/). I've read such texts before, but i wasn't ready to take it all in.

Those self-aggrandising bastards. If i wasn't fundamentally against violence, I'd say they should be eaten.

They still should. Metaphorically.

[astridellejo]

Wrestling With the Greased Pig of Speech/Voice Loss Terminology

Okay. So here's my understanding of the terminology:

Selective Mutism (Situational Mutism) This one seems to stem mostly from anxiety (maybe a little autism too). I don't experience that degree of anxiety often, but it has happened on rare occasions. Personally, I hate this term. It implies that not speaking is a conscious choice. I think situational is a more accurate word. "There are some situations in which my anxiety causes me to be unable to speak. This can be short term or long term. But it is by no means a deliberate, conscious decision on my part. It's more like my brain gets hyper-stimulated or something and just forgets how to make mouth noises."

Nonverbal This term appears to be specifically autism related mutism. I'm ADHD, not autistic, so I don't use this term for myself. And not being autistic, I can't really offer more information on the term.

Nonspeaking I guess this is an alternative to nonverbal that is less autism-specific. I guess. I don't actually know for sure. I'm not really sold on it, though, because kind of like "selective" mutism it kind of implies that a person can speak, but for whatever reason, chooses not to. Don't talk if you don't wanna talk. But I suppose people who are physically unable to talk might take umbrage with your conscious decision not to talk. I'm cool with it, though.

Dysphonia/Aphonia One means "messed up voice" and the other means "no voice at all". Aphonia is a neat word. Right up there with anhedonia. (Ahh, Greek!) I use the term spasmodic dysphonia because that's the official diagnosis I got from the ENT doctor. Apparently there's a more recent term laryngeal dystonia that seems to be preferred, but it doesn't seem to be taking root. So for now, I still have abductor spasmodic dysphonia that has rendered me aphonic. Whee!

Mute This word exists. I'm not sure if I like it, though. I don't have a good reason why I don't really vibe with it. Maybe it's because muting is something we can do to our television or computer or Zoom meeting, implying that it's reversible and temporary. Or maybe it's because in my ASL studies I've learned a little bit about deaf history and the connotations the word mute has.

There are other situations that can lead to loss of speech, like throat trauma, muscle tension dysphonia, aphasia, and probably a bunch more that I haven't even learned about yet.

Anyway, I don't know. I'm still sorting through my thoughts on the whole experience of the last seven months slowly losing my ability to speak with a functional voice. It's weird no longer being able to do a thing that I did effortlessly for over 40 years. I'm handling it reasonably well, I think. I do miss being able to sing and hum to my favorite music, though. That right there I would consider a genuine loss that I'm feeling.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

HI i'm a tommyinnit factive and this is where I go feral !!! I have a misce submission sideblog called @justomegathingss as well but it's mostly inactive because no one ever submits to it lol

I co-host with my in system husband @septiccoffeefreak so we're in front 90% of the time, we're v clingy so we're always co-con or co front lol. I also write septicinnit fanfic w him and I draw fanart so,,,, both posts w us specifically and the general septicinnit RPF ship will be here. u've been warned!!

I have no DNI but I block freely!! I also am pro RPF and proship ("ship and let ship") so like,, if u wanna block me about that u should do dat- I don't post dark content really or consume it because I don't like to personally?? so that won't be on my blog!!! But it's worth noting I support people's right to MAKE that content, and i don't think someone making or consuming dark content means they condone it IRL.

BLOG NAVIGATION (these links may not work on mobile- app users can use search instead):

#i made a textpost

#asks

#tommy's og art

OTHER (these links are fine on mobile lol):

Portfolio and Comissions

Me and Seán's Ao3 account

Linktree

my old pinned (colourful!!! silly!!! beloved!!! but hard to read and even longer than this one) is under the cut for preservation

OK INTRO POST WHEE!!!!!!

Hewwo besties. hello girliepops. hello boys, hello gamers, hello homestuckers and evil little creatures it is me!!!! hi!!! HELLO hi hi hi!!!! a million hellos forever and ever and....

okay fine sorry, just one last hi: hi!! I'm a Tommyinnit factive in a system and I do art sometimes!! I also play a lot of animal crossing like way too much animal crossing like my autism has me in a chokehold i play it everyday. I use he/him pronouns :3. and I am MARRIED.

My husband, Seán, is a Jacksepticeye factive in the same system as me!! we cohost/cocon together and I love him SO MUCH and I infodump about him and his source sometimes so. BE WARNEDED!!!! his acc is @septiccoffeefreak if you want to go acknowledge how fucking cool and awesome he is which you SHOULD!!! We came up with the septicinnit shipname actually!!! And write the first fics for it!! So understandably I am absolutely FERAL about it like biting clawing going insane feral. my babygirl...

I don't hold myself to a blog theme but I tend to post a lot of decora and cutesy rainbow things on this blog, as well as memes and videos I found on my feed!!! and sometimes!!! if ur lucky!!! I post an omegaverse post!!! (check out @justomegathingss for more as well) or like an actual hot take on the universe!!! though again usually it is just reblogs of sanrio characters and decora fits lol. I also of course post a ton of my art and some original posts where I go feral about something or other and scream really really loud to my terrified (but intrigued and entranced) followers. expect the unexpected. be prepared for chaos

I have no DNI for my blog, but I will block u if I decide that having you unblocked makes my internet experience sucky in some way. this is my little corner of the internet an i will customize it in whatever silly way makes my brain go brrrr

The Magical Special Poggers Tags, with which you can Navigate my Blog:

#Tommy's OG ART wow - art i made!

#I made a textpost - a combo of original textposts, as well as reblogs I made with text on them!!

#asks - asks i received!!! (asks i sent to someone ELSE and am reblogging the response to would go under #I made a textpost)

If I reblog something without any art or text attached at all, that's gonna be untagged (usefully, anyway)- but I figure if you're hunting through my blog for a post it's probably not a blank reblog anyway.

For more information about me and links to my other socials, look at my Caard, Tommyfactive.carrd.co !!! it has a bunch or really poggers info and links to my pintrest and stuff so like u should totally look at it. U might get coolness poisioning from how cool I am though /j

Commission information Here!!

Printify Store here!!!!!

[hismercytomyjustice]

Lmaoooo.

Met with the psychiatrist for the first time today solely regarding getting my meds sorted (since OCD and ADHD meds don’t always get along). And at the end she was just like “You’re checking a lot of boxes for AuDHD, though I know we’ve only met once so far.”

SO I’M NOT COMPLETELY OFF BASE IN WONDERING.

I’m meeting with yet another lady next week who specializes in autism, so I’m hoping she can give me the final say on that front. So far I have 3 out of 4 therapists/psychiatrists who are pretty confident I have autism lol. The only one who said I “wasn’t autistic enough” never met or spoke to me.

So. Whee~!

[tako-cafe]

Idia ED HCs

as the title implies this is covering eating disorders so be cautious if sensitive to this. reader beware type deal, also game spoilers

ok Ive done this before actually but it was vague and I offered zero proof so I’m doing this correctly now. I covered Azul in that old post too and his own post will be coming soon as well. Lets get into Idia now.

To start: how this will be done and his ED I think he has. For card and homescreen lines I’m just going to quote them as I don’t want this bogged down with too many screenshots but I will show as many event and main game ones as I can instead for those.

Now what do I think he has? ARFID but specifically the Lack of Interest variant. For reference this is described by the Eating Recovery Center as showing little or zero interest in food. Which can cause forgetting to eat, low appetite or distracted at eating time, or even extreme “picky eating” which limits what you eat or how much.(note I am also pairing this with a linked dx hc of autism for him link to a short article about this)

Now with this specific HC it more so was picked because he isn’t aiming for a weight goal or focusing on a specific idea (ie clean eating for example) but his foods he will touch are safe + him admitting he forgets to eat. As self admitted in the cooking event.

He seems very sensory on what he picks. In his Student intro sheet he hates raw fish but loves candy. Which is then backed up with his dorm uniform line, “Oh hey, want a gummy worm? …I just love brightly- colored candy.” A Birthday Boy line, “When I was out shopping, Sam said he’d throw in a little extra for my birthday. H-he gave me free candy! What a top-tier guy.” Chef card talking about sensory issues, “Ugh,that slimy feeling when ground meat squelches between your fingers gives me the creeps!”

A line talking about the meat feeling again messing with his sensory issues.

As far as safe foods other than candy while he is picky on fruit he will eat it. In the Applepom event card he mentions buying dried fruit, “TA-DA! Here’s the dried fruit I bought at Kokko Market! I figured it’d be the perfect snack.” In the same event in chapter 2-2 he also states, “I only eat fruit if it’s canned or already sliced and peeled. But peeling this thing myself sounds like a chore…”

There is also his birthday interview about food,

“Thank you. So, what’s your favorite food? ” Idia , “…Snacks. They taste good, and are easy to eat while you’re gaming. Can you name a better combo? If I had to be more specific, I’d go with DIY candy kits, where you make candy sushi and such by mixing water into powder packets. It turns snacktime into a game! It’s easy to get totally absorbed, too. Whee hee hee. There’s something genuinely engaging about being able to change the shape and color yourself. It’s definitely not just for kids, okay?” I love this as a lore he stated because it fits into the idea of finding a way to introduce a food he would try: turn it into a game

Further sensory mentions with him hating raw fish in birthday boy, “Raw fish. It stinks, it’s lukewarm, it’s all slimy and clingy and sticky…”

In the same line from that card he actually talks further about how he feels about eating, “And who’s got time for food you need proper tableware to eat? That’s just a ton of pointless busywork for one lousy meal. Who cares how you get nutrients, as long as you get them? Just eat an energy bar with vitamins and minerals! Bam, EZ.”

This isn’t the only time he talks about wanting an easy way out of eating. In the chef card he described cooking as inefficient and mentions meal replacements. He did however seem open to at least try things if he could build basically a slowcooker that prepped the food along with cooking it.

As one more safe food- ramen seems to be okay. A chef card homescreen line states, “Weird. I was meant to be buying ingredients, but next thing you know I’ve got a new type of instant noodles in my hand. Guess I’ll add it to the collection.”

As a conclusion, I don’t think Idia would see this as a disorder. While his family is stated by him to be concerned including Ortho-

We can see his family has concerns that he knows of but I do not think he sees it as a literal disorder. He is in online gaming circles and really limited diets aren’t uncommon in them so they could also be normalized in his eyes. Along with being so isolated his whole life it isn’t far fetched to think he saw this as normal for a while as is. But I do also think he doesn’t want to be like this. He did, even if just for the credits, join the class and did try his best. He looked upset about Ortho being worried. He is one I don’t think he’ll eat everything under the sun even with the top of the line doctors. But I do think he will eventually work through and with accommodating himself find a few things he can handle and maybe even semi-enjoy.

ending notes: if i missed anything he said lemme know so i can edit/add. hopefully I made sense though thanks for reading my silly thing + reposted from my old account so I can link these HCs together I’m making

[thessalian]

Thess vs Spectres

So I finally got through that whole little chunk of main quest. And the only real reason I'm stopping now is a) hungry and b) frustrated and stuck.

Well, before I do anything, there's a rebel camp over there. Might as well clear it out.

DAMN I'm good. No one so much as saw me ONCE.

Okay okay okay, I know I know I know, Fate Of The World, etc etc. I'm going already.

I figure I can skip that cutscene; I have already seen it.

Well, at least I'm not doing all of the searching when I have companions. Just ... most of it.

Nora go down the hoooooooole...

Seriously, Zenith are assholes.

And code aaaaaaaand ... Beta. Cryogenically preserved Beta?

Wait. Wait did she have that thing in her skull? That thing is way too big to be an implant. What the fuck?

Good for you, Beta! Good for us, too!

ofuck.

Traps. Traps. What's this thing weak to? Acid. I'll try acid.

I AM TRYING TO SCAN IT, ALOY; IT JUST WON'T STAY STILL-- Theeeeeere we go.

And it didn't matter anyway because advanced acid traps are awesome, thanks.

Oshit Erend; hold on! ...Wait, why are you not scanning for weak spots and--? Oh, right, because you refuse to use a ranged weapons and your only combat strategy is "get out there and twat it one with warhammer".

Oh. Also because forcefield. Which is only in the front. Good thing you've got a sneaky bitch on side, Erend!

Okay, that's done. And now we can look at that weapon-- Fuck.

Right. Back to base. And everyone's freaking out about Beta. But at least they ask me how I'm holding up. ...Or assuming I'm fine. THANKS, EREND. I know you think I can do anything, but...

Oh, and Beta's not coping either. Okay. Vat-made humans, unite!

Yeah. Yeah, I knew they were still the original Far Zenith assholes. I just wasn't sure whether it was cloned bodies and data uploads a la Altered Carbon or ... well, this.

Look, you bought us time, Beta; we'll go after them as soon as we can. CHILL, already! But then again, you know how equipped they are and we don't, but still, never underestimate the ingenuity of someone who isn't an entitled asshole who never knew real hurt a day in their lives.

Right. Get this thing to GAIA to see if it can help us at all-- SYLENS YOU SHITBAG!

Fine. Okay. GAIA's working on it, Erend and Varl are going to help Beta cope ... oh. Hi Zo. Wait. You have a way to fix your land-gods? COUNT ME THE FUCK IN!

Hunting tiiiiiiiiiime! Whee!

Okay, that'll take some fixing. Lemme just go to Hidden Ember, as they're calling it now, and see what-- Oh. Hi Delah. Ah, Boomer gone missing. Okay, we'll go search.

I bet the Far Zenith assholes want to strip all life on earth because the people who designed Zero Dawn weren't eugenics-y assholes. I like that we still got people on the autism spectrum when humanity was reborn. I mean, I gather it's at least partly genetic. And it's a nice statement about how, no, vaccines don't cause that shit because none of these people know what a vaccine is.

Anyway. What is this thing you're now getting me to use? ...Oh. Okay, I will try this thing.

OKAY I HAVE TRIED THIS THING AND I DON'T LIKE IT CAN I HAVE MY BOW BACK PLEASE?!?

Right. I have used the shredder gauntlet whatever thing. I will never ever use it again. But thanks. That's sweet of you two.

Back to Hidden Ember, and ... okay, where the fuck is Stemmur?

Ah, there he is. And you want another 'gizmo'. I went with 'doohickey' myself, but you do you.

Down into the ruins I go-- Oh, come on, how did the machines come back?!? Well, at least it wasn't the Tideripper. Just Snapmaws, a Burrower ... and two Spinesnouts I didn't see shit shit shit.

And apparently I just accidentally tripped over the hardest vista in the game to find. Now, where's good?

There. There's good. That'll stop bugging me. Onward to the doohickey.

...Okay, I am clearly supposed to get to the grapple point and then jump onto that bit to the left but it is not letting me jump.

Lemme see if Google has any ideas-- And apparently not. Fuck.

Maybe I'll shut down for now and see if a restart actually lets me do what I need to do here. I need food anyway.

Also my mother will be turning up any time now with some treats she brought me back from Canada. Yay! And later I will try again, but how the fuck do I jump when the damn thing won't let me go in that direction because there is no climbing point there? Maybe I need to do a left-control press pointed in a different direction? Maybe? I dunno; this is a pain in the arse but apparently I can't give my stupid doohickeys to Stemmur if I don't get this one! Why can I not just tell him, "I have a sack full of the fucking things; I can get you that one later"?!?

[mourniepoo]

yoshiki is woo and hikaru is whee

i hope that makes sense

asako is yippee (autism)

[ziggizapz]

gonna draw my portal human designs WHEE HEHEHE AUTISM !!!!!!!

[llycaons]

I'm not at work like I usually am on thursdays so whee

I love this expression esp for a catgirl

maizuru cursed her so something horrible would happen if she tried to run away??? oh my god she was essentially a slave there okay I'm back to hating her 😭

this is one of the things that I actually take issue with. who the fuck cares how she's eating? why is senshi's way the right way? she's literally a cat person, let her eat however it works for her. and if she hates mushrooms, she shouldn't be forced to eat them! and I'm a picky eater too, I can't stand mushrooms! isn't this the autism-friendly series? rudeness while eating isn't a moral failing to the extent it's being presented here, it's literally fine. also she's been cursed and in bondage her entire life give her a fucking break

hmm okay I see how he very patiently and nonjudgmentally explained how she's not utilizing most effectively...

awww

also cheers to the group for being threatened with murder and then immediately just adopting her anyway. like aw she's just a kid. sure, we'll definitely cook you some food. why were you following us? it's dangerous to return to the surface. we're so glad we met you. come with us <3

the powerpoint transition slide is so funny here. I think she IS doing the cat mouth smacking thing tho

[astridellejo]

It's Disability Pride Month and this is the first time in my nearly half-century long life that I have come to accept that, yes, I really am disabled.

Because, see, I didn't think ADHD was a disability. Or depression. It was just some weird brain thing that I had. But I could manage it through exercise and copious amounts of coffee.

But losing my voice to spasmodic dysphonia last year has made me reevaluate some things. I've learned a lot about myself in the last six months regarding ADHD, autism, and more recently, spasmodic dysphonia and hearing loss. I'm still kinda working through it all, but I realize that, yeah, I really am disabled. And it has affected me throughout my life.

Oh and there's that weird thing with my spine that makes my left leg go numb if I walk too long, or stand too long, or lie down on my body incorrectly. It's pretty annoying, but as it has been with me for fifteen years now, I've learned to work around it.

Anyway, the human body! Whee.

[barrymilland]

ooo! I like the blog change!, very nice, very nice indeed!

thank you!! :3 been playing the walking dead and its making my apocalypse fixation worse im going crayzee over this game. if there were zombies in real life i would go Yippee! Wahoo! Whee! but there arent so one of the only things i can do is make a walking dead blog theme and that satisfies my autism enough

[datubooty]

postural sway in the literature: autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are associated with sensorimotor deficits, blah blah pathologizing language blah blah further framing of deviation from neurotypicality as lack blah blah

postural sway irl: whee it's like im always dancing just a little bit *small leg kick*

[nokingsonlyfooles]

So! I have just been informed in the comments that Martha Wells didn't mean to make an autistic character, she just made a character like her. Here's the excerpt from the interview:

Anastasia Hilvers/Kaye Cochran/Jedidiah Ragweed/John DeLaughter: Murderbot has a unique personality, how did you arrive at the mix of characteristics? Were there actual people whose traits you incorporated? Some people see autism spectrum traits to Murderbot was that intended? And did you envision a gender for Murderbot? No, the character isn't based on other people. I drew from a lot of my own experiences, my own anger and frustration and social anxiety. I didn't intend for Murderbot to have autism spectrum traits, but again, I'm drawing from my own experience. Murderbot is pretty clear about its gender in the books.

Oh, God, I did this too. I made an autistic, nonbinary character based on me before I knew I was either one of those things. (I'm just not popular, so nobody interviewed me about it way back when, and now I know better.) It's counterproductive to run around trying to crack eggs - people who've spent their whole lives forced into one mould don't need to be forced into another, or forced out of the closet if that might torpedo their careers - but I hope someone at least sat her down and gently explained where her social anxiety is probably coming from. I should not be the person to do this, because it's too close to my own experience and that'll make it harder for me to listen, but somebody on the spectrum needs to do this, if it hasn't already been done. (Bonus points for someone who doesn't cleave to a binary gender.)

I'm mystified about how careful we are in positing an autism diagnosis for the robot, when any autistic person who knows what their deal is can identify it in an instant. This is what "death of the author" is for. I wrote another post touching on this topic that I haven't edited and put up yet, but authors don't always know what they're doing. They crib things from their experiences without having full understanding of what it all means, so not everything in a story is intentional and dripping with subtext. Sometimes the curtains are blue, and you don't need to engage with that.

And sometimes, maybe, we still think autism is something that happens to "other people" and not us. Could be the stigma, could be Autism Speaks and similar organizations trying define autism as the saddest-looking people they can find (and then never letting them communicate for themselves) so you'll give them money, or it could just be a lack of understanding. Allistic people are not super good at explaining autism to autistic people!

We'd lose a popular, award-winning piece of representation if we confined our read to authorial intent. Please, let us have the robot. It clearly has social anxiety, too, I don't want to erase that, but I also don't want to erase everything else.

But now I'm definitely not going to expect Murderbot to find a community with other Murderbots and be happy there. "Whee! Let's all have anxiety together! It's fun!" isn't a plot twist I'd expect.

The Future is Allistic?

Murderbot is the best thing about All Systems Red, and I think the author knows that. That's cool. The humans don't need much for development, this isn't their story, they're just another thing Murderbot has to deal with. We've only got about 150 pages for this, and it's book one, so we're going to gloss over some aspects of the world to focus on the character.

Murderbot does not wish to exist in the sort of well-meaning institution where the humans would put it, a place where being "cared for" means a loss of autonomy. Murderbot would like the ability to get up and microwave a burrito at 0100 hours. ...Or whatever "passing the burrito test" means in the future, for a robot. So would we all!

But, uh, where are "we"? Where are the autistic humans who would read a book about Murderbot, go "oh, it me" and then talk about it with other humans, autistic and allistic both?

There are "humans," who may be well-meaning but clueless or openly hostile towards Murderbot, and who produce media with happy robots coexisting with humans and some level of personhood. (Either robots do not produce media in the future, most robots are not like Murderbot, or we just never see robot media or robots like Murderbot. Not much time for world-building!) There are robots, all of whom have no autonomy and are hostile cannon-fodder - although Murderbot doesn't feel great about that, it'll still kill them and move on. And there's Murderbot, who appears to be the only autistic thing in the universe.

And, I get that. I get how that feels. I get how someone in the YA audience who masks and passes like Murderbot probably feels like the only autistic thing in a hostile/clueless universe. It was like that for me and often it still is. For a book of limited scope, maybe that's enough. An author can't fix everything, and sometimes you gotta play the ball where it lies. But the real world is so much bigger than how it feels: there are lots of us, we have communities, we are seen, and we talk about ourselves.

We are human beings! We don't have to be created autistic like a robot, because we are naturally-occurring, and you would need to do some serious fucking eugenics to make us go away. (Even then, it probably wouldn't work. Eugenics hasn't been the society-purifying, scientific success so many people wanted/still want it to be.) It's not like you could just stop vaccinating kids, or abuse them a bit less, or abuse them a bit more - just until they're normal! - or any of these other "solutions" that have been floated to deal with us. You'd have to change how we function on a fundamental level as we develop in the womb, or shortly thereafter, or kill us, but I repeat myself.

On some level, in general, I think we do know that "curing" someone of autism, even if nobody physically dies, is a type of murder. Here, I am thinking of another future where autism doesn't seem to exist and nobody knows how to deal with it. Julian Bashir, in Star Trek: DS9, is the closest thing we get to an autistic human being who has a regular job and just gets to exist and interact like another person. And he's the illegal result of eugenic experimentation! His parents didn't like that he was underperforming in school, so they did some eugenics on him, and he calls that murder. That plotline is criminally underdeveloped, but it is there. It was there in the 90s, when the general view of autism was a nightmare disease with no cure that ruins children. We still knew that rewiring someone's brain to make them more convenient was wrong.

(Funnily enough, we do grab children who are underperforming in school and force them to mask better, like Julian. But it involves putting them in a Skinner Box and training them like Pavlov's dogs, with punishments for acting autistic and rewards for acting less so. It doesn't make them stop being autistic, but it makes them easier to deal with. And in so many cases, that's all we care about!)

If the public at large figured out that Julian was created autistic (because autism doesn't just happen), if he didn't mask like Murderbot, he'd go in an institution like the Jack Pack. Like where they wanted to put Murderbot. He clearly doesn't need to be there, but that's where society has decided he belongs, because he should not exist. He's only like that because someone made him that way, and they shouldn't have.

Just recently, I got smacked with the realization that people with complex intersections can't just happen in fiction. If I knew a queer, deaf person, I would write them the funnest queer and deaf character to play. It wouldn't be hard to write that character! They would fit into Hyacinth's house or the Black Orchid just fine! Calliope could've been deaf (along with being GNC, and multiracial, and autistic), instead of just growing up where there's a deaf school with a deaf friend whom we only meet briefly. ...So why didn't I do that? Why didn't that occur to me in the first place? I'm trying to create a diverse world like the real one, but we don't see that person.

Part of it is that I didn't see media with that person. But the reason it's hard to see that media is, it's hard to justify that character. We, the audience, have a default "blank" character in our heads (it's not blank at all, it's cis, het, white, male, and a lot of things the usual protagonist is), and the artist needs to tweak that into an individual with words or paint or a performance or something. The more tweaks someone has to do, the more likely the audience will get bored or confused and wander off. Beyond the privileged default, everything that makes a character has to be relevant, and stay relevant. That's why they say "murder your darlings." The worst sin is boring the audience, so don't involve them in unnecessary shit. Pare down the story until it bleeds.

Now, think how much space explaining something complex like "queer AND deaf" would need. And how much research from someone who isn't both of those things, or doesn't at least have a patient queer and deaf friend. And if, say, they were Black too? In the real world, a person like that can just exist and be seen. Probably they just live their lives without including you, it's not about you. But maybe they sit down next to you on the bus, you say hi, they speak with a specific accent or sign or hand you a card, and they have dark skin and a rainbow flag pin. Existence confirmed! In writing, I have to do pages and pages of work to get you to see them as a whole person, because they need me to create a place where they fit. If they don't have a place where they fit and we need them, why are they there? Real people don't have to justify themselves, they just are, and everyone else better fucking work with it. Everyone doesn't, but they should. You can't just ask someone why they're Black! But in fiction, you do, you must, you're supposed to, and if there's no reason, well, maybe they ought to stop being Black.

So, if I'm going to write a story in which Murderbot is autistic, especially if it's a short and simple one, it fucking well better be ABOUT Murderbot being autistic, or else why spend all these pages explaining what it's like to be autistic? "Autistic people exist" isn't a plotline, that dull and preachy. I need something better than that... Ah! "Murderbot hacked its chip and became autistic!" Yes! That's relevant for the plot and lets me do all kinds of worldbuilding about robots and how they work and how they are seen! There's my elevator pitch and a significant portion of the jacket plot summary right there!

"Autistic people exist in a community" isn't relevant to "autistic robot fights society and other robots." It should be, inasmuch as autistic people are part of society, but it would add pages to the story if the humans who are so clueless and stress-inducing weren't also the nice humans who live with robots and treat them like disabled people. Why add another type of human when we've already got the corporation and the other surveyors and the evil surveyors and a whole world to explain? There's no room!

But that means that, somehow, a group of scientists (!!) living in human society haven't met an autistic person and have no clue how to treat one. There can't be an autistic scientist who goes, "Why the FUCK would you look at someone to PUNISH them, what is WRONG with you?" That would make it less likely Murderbot will wander off to explore the galaxy and find itself! This is Book One! Where's the story if Murderbot finds a community right away and hangs out? That's boring!

So, in the future, there isn't a community among the "free" robots that we just don't see, because it would derail the plot if there were. The world wouldn't look like that if the robots alone talked about their way of being and the humans who lived with them listened. If there were also human beings who existed like Murderbot and they added their voices, it would blow Murderbot's adventure to find itself out of the water, and the point of the story is the adventure. It's not as fun to watch an autistic person look for friends by paging through websites and social media, and then they have lunch and go back to work. That's not a YA novel, that's just life.

If I pick up this series, and I'm not sure I will, I suppose there's room for a Planet Autism. Perhaps as a happy ending, or perhaps as just another place Murderbot doesn't fit in (this would be more realistic, it's hard for us to connect with each other, but much less happy). But they're not out there producing serials and saying they exist and shaping society. They probably hide, so Murderbot has to find them. As one does! One does have to find a community where they fit, and that's hard. But there are lots of us who don't hide, and can't hide. The first time Murderbot mentions a popular serial in a public forum, we ought to come running. Regular autistic people, who are not institutionalized, and who work regular jobs and have lunch. I'm almost positive we won't, though. There's no room. That "darling" needs to die.

It's systemic and it sucks. Like must systemic problems that suck, I've had to spend paragraphs just beginning to unpack it, and probably no one will bother to read it because I don't get seen. If I wrote a whole doorstopper about this, I couldn't get it published because I'm too autistic to navigate the system and too anarchistic to want to anymore. And Tumblr ain't gonna care because they're primarily concerned with short takes that get likes, just look at their app. The world doesn't elevate Murderbots and listen, that much is true, but we find each other and are seen, regardless.

If we want to change what we see in media, we have to change how media works. "The correct way to tell a story is to get from A to B as efficiently as possible and we must create everything that way" is a darling that will have to die, so other darlings can live, and people can just exist as they are without having to cough up a reason. I have no idea how to fix this, but that's how it seems to me.

And this is probably full of typos and awkward phrasing because I got distracted by it and needed to find some way to say it. I'm not gonna go back and edit it until it looks shiny, smooth, and efficient. I exist like this, messily. You may not see me, but I'm here.

[stardustedknuckles]

Me: Maybe I’m not actually autistic and I’m making it up.

Also me, around 25: WAIT when people say someone’s eyes narrow they actually mean the skin AROUND their eyes holy shit -

[jalopeura]

yes i have spent the last week doing nothing but playing eso and watching the bon appetit test kitchen yt channel, why do you ask