#whatever. rambling. its early. im bored

[xdeewolfx]

would u still love me if i made bl characters in ponytown

[catscidr]

im sorry i know i should be writing reqs but i just can’t stop thinking about slightly creepy office au coworker dottore...... im horn

you have a boring 9-5 job, trying to find joy in the mundane, else you go crazy. waking up to birds chirping outside of your bedroom window, the tasty to-go coffee and breakfast sandwich you always get in the morning, and your coworker greeting your still-sleepy self when you step into the office. always one to gossip, she’d motion for you to hurry up and sit at your cubicle so she can gush about whatever rumor was currently roaming the building. 

“have you seen zandik lately? his temper is worse than usual! think he just got broken up with or something? honestly, i see why his partner would call things off, it seems like he’s always prioritizing work over people...” you take a long sip of your coffee, relishing in the newfound energy that flooded your system. it takes you a minute to process your coworker’s claim. 

“how do you know he was even in a relationship in the first place?” you ask, scoffing in amusement at how fast her brain seemed to work; it was almost impressive, really. “well, he’s handsome, for one. and he’s loaded! i don’t understand how he can afford such a nice car with a salary like ours,” she sulks as she finishes her rambling. you take the opportunity to finish your food, setting your half-empty cup down to start prepping your workspace. 

“inheritance? or he’s crazy good at managing money,” you suggest. just as you thought your coworker was about to drop the topic, she perks up and slams her hand on her desk a tad bit too loudly. “oh! or maybe he works a second job? y’know, the cost of living is getting pretty high, so maybe he has a 5-9 on top of working here!” 

someone shoots her a look that says “it’s still early, lower your voice”, and she grins at them awkwardly before turning to look at you with a smile that rivals someone that just uncovered the cure to a deadly disease. 

you pause your typing, fingertips resting idly on the mechanical keyboard. “why do you care about what he’s up to, anyways? usually you avoid talking about zandik or any of the higher-ups because you know they’ll probably get us in trouble,” you point out, your shoulder getting hit as soon as the words leave your mouth. giggling lightly at how dramatic her reaction was, you turn your attention from your computer to your coworker. you’re met with a petrified expression and uncomfortable body language along with the lack of natural light behind you. 

“and why, pray tell, are we gossiping about my foul mood?” someone says from behind you, though you could recognize its owner anywhere. your blood runs cold— the warmth from your morning coffee having vanished from your body, not a single trace left in the presence of the office’s most intimidating employee (arguably). your coworker flashes him a wide, albeit shaky smile, and shakes her head a bit too quickly for it to be considered normal. 

“n-not gossiping! we’re just concerned for your health! right?” she says your name, nudging your foot from underneath the desk. you don’t have time to decide whether you want to detach yourself from your predicament or to go along with her bullshit because zandik bends down to your level, flashing a smile that doesn’t quite reach his dull eyes as he speaks for you. “then avoid spreading rumors about my personal life, it gives me a headache,” he murmurs quietly.  

you’d catch the unspoken threat in his voice if you weren’t so flustered. he was so close you could smell his cologne— musky sandalwood that made your head spin, losing whatever train of thought you had just seconds ago. “s-sorry,” you’re the one that apologizes since your coworker was frozen in fear, looking more like a deer facing headlights than an office worker. 

zandik’s lips stretch wider, vermillion eyes narrowing at her before flickering over to you. you immediately look away, suddenly now noticing the sheer lack of space between you two. if what you were doing before was unprofessional, then this was beating it by a landslide. although you couldn't help but wish that he bent down to your level more often. though, at the same time, he looked good looking down at you…

he stays like this for a few more uncomfortable seconds before straightening his back and walking away, no words spoken between the three of you. your coworker exhales a breath she had been holding in, and turns to face her desk in silence. 

you're left with a rapidly beating heart and the need to take a bathroom break even though you just clocked in not even ten minutes ago.

[ask2pame]

regarding your rant on frances design: TELL ME ABOUT IT. tbh i think all the designs peaked with beautiful world, and everything after that was just...discount budget versions of whoever theyre supposed to be. the beautiful world designs are GORGEOUS on their own, but compared to world stars? theres no contest. some designs i do like, like england looks nice, if not a little too polished, and portugal is really cute, but everyone else just got twinkified and butchered. and i love a twink! i do! but they look like they could be swapped out with my little pony designs and it wouldnt make a difference. france to me will always be a blonde with a ponytail, a little unkempt, with chest hair and stubble and flamboyantly manly with a touch of tragedy. thats france to me. not whatever waif they cooked up in the more recent series

// ok ok i can't tell if u mean like ''oOOOh tell me about it' as a phrase or u actually are inviting me to tell you about it but i'm going to take it as permission to ramble <3 but im putting it under the cut so i dont spam

okok so UR SO RIGHT i think the new designs are so OFF... like it kinda lost the plot. the characters are all weirdly polished?

ok im just gonna run down the characters i have a lot of thoughts about CUZ my god

ENGLAND!!! its gotta be beautiful world

cuz the early seasons england gets his crankiness on point but this design fits just how cranky and posh(?) he is, like he dresses like an old man and wears outdated 'punk' fashion, he drinks tea like an old lady.. it fits hes cute and expressive.

this england isLOSING hair where did his EYEBROWS GO!!!! thats HIS WHOLE FUCKING CHARACTER but also i really dislike the change from him going from a dirty blond to a bleach blond... doesnt work...

i want my man to look like he has a nicotine addiction, rugged and smug as shit. i think they leaned too hard on the 'tsundere' trope for him cuz hes not puffy cheeks with pouty lips hes an old man with a laundry list of war crimes

-

ROMANO

ok. this one is a little hard cuz romano is good in ever season but he has these little minor changes that drive me CRAZY but my favorite will always be the earlier seasons

this ver of romano was a NASTY bitch he just showed up to be an asshole and i love it so much , i love his hair being dark brown with brown eyes ok , at the minimum his design fit his voice...

for beautiful world i think hes cute but i really don't ? like his eyes being green? like i dont know it just never felt right to me:( i like him having brown eyes

and later his design leans into the prev but when u look at him u don't see that one guy who REALLY doesn't wanna be here hes . too soft?

and the newer romano does have the bad attitude but now he's suffering from the 'progressively becoming a ginger' syndrome that a lot of hws characters have now

-

RUSSIA

my pick for him is all over the place bc i think his new design is SO FUCKING CUTE like i wanna bite him and crocodile death roll him but i think he is SUFFERING from cuteness.... hes so . soft?

earlier seasons of russia showed up just to say some morbid shit and be brutal as fuck but he could also lean into being cute, thats his whole gimmick, cute but scary. his current design is cute with no threat.

i think beautiful world had that balance between cute and scary, he was cute and say mean shit like before and was ready to throw down any time america showed up, thats his whole deal. and you know at the bare minimum he's supposed to be fucking BIG and world stars makes him look like a fucking twink

-

SPAIN

beautiful world was WORKING to make spain look good, he was ugly . he was boring. and then he walked in with a new tan and a warm hair color and the cutest smile (tho its hard to find pics of spain in these seasons cuz hes younger in a lot of them) and then it's just

what the hell happened here. i feel like im going insane but did his skin tone get ashy? like it looks more grey. and i know saying spain is 'tan' is generous but what the fuck happened. why did all his colors dull, why is his hair so . boring. where did the body mass go, where did the attitude go... world stars spain is very 'head empty' and not in a good way ....

-

CHINA

one of the most overlooked characters but i love him

i think my favorite ver of him is still his original cuz i preferred him with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and he's side part... it was so cute... and they swapped it for a middle part .... </3

like he was so cute ;; plus i preferred him as this kinda irritable older know it all character, like he was groaning and huffing and did NOT want to be there. but then he kind of got? infantalized(?) i think they wanted him to be cute but idk if china is considered one of the ancient nations by its own rules, then can we tone down the :333 factor on him a bit

like just comparing but this might be me raise hands at hima for this characterization. what did you do to my boy

like do u see it. am i crazy

-

these bitches

these 4 just suffer from success in their OG and the beautiful world just made them way better (except i miss italy's darker hair </3) and then they just got handed bad animation in world stars

ok thats all i have time for rn BUT YEAH

[squingy]

back is feeling real crunchy from sitting up for too long but on the bright side i beat the mechanical bosses today in terraria and lined the next design stage. i finally got out of the second period of dullness in all my playthroughs that severely test my patience but once one mech boss is beaten everything goes uphill

[spaceraceart]

spamton headcanon ramble

okay so this will be a bit of a mess and im typing w/o my glasses, but i just remembered a headcanon for spamton i have that i really wanted to talk about heheheh.

so, normally when people compare spamton to the addisons, they make him the youngest (typically regardless if theyre siblings or not). but honestly, i really like the idea of spamton instead being the oldest. (ramble under read more)

think about it. spamton is based off of spam emails, which is literally the oldest form of internet advertisement. the other addisons, while we dont know what specific form of ad they focus on (if they focus on one at all), it likely isnt spam, and instead some more modern form of internet ad, like display ads or search ads or whatever. those ads didnt come about until much later (much much later, like 1978 for spam vs. early 90s for most other types).

of course you can just say spamton is based off of more modern forms of spam. and we also know that the addisons spam knew were a) around before 1997, and b) old enough to be friends with spamton before that. so there cant be THAT much of a difference in age, especially if you headcanon 1978 to be spamton’s birth year, making him fucking 19 in 1997 (unless addisons age fast or spawn as adults or whatever, theyre weird computer programs i can see that being the case). 

anyway, ignoring the weird age/timeline stuff, the idea of spamton being the oldest has some interesting implications. for one, maybe its the reason why he looks so different? maybe older models of addisons were short and boring in coloration, making them less flashy/eye-catching and thus less successful, with updated addisons being taller and more vibrant (of course this could apply to all addisons based off of spam emails, theyre not the most popular form of ads after all). i dunno, i havent thought too much about that but its an interesting idea i had.

and then finally, it just adds an interesting group/sibling dynamic. normally, oldest siblings/people in a group are considered responsible, the most successful, the one that looks out for the rest. now instead imagine that this oldest person is a short, desperate spam-email that’s trying his best to be the responsible guy, the one that can make sales and has it all together but he’s failing. trying to be a role-model for the rest but it’s obvious he’s such a sorry excuse for an addison. and when he does finally make it big, can finally be the one the others can look up to, they all abandon him out of jealousy. i dunno, its a subtly different dynamic compared to the youngest being unsuccessful and then suddenly getting popular.

of course, i still like youngest spam headcanons, but i just rarely ever see stuff outside of that, ya know? im also kinda confused how that headcanon became prevalent. is it his height? does he scream youngest-child (im an eldest child so maybe im projecting asdghagds)? i dunno. either way, thanks for reading through this mess haha. kinda typed out things both for and against my headcanon bc why not, lets be thorough. also, i dont really interact with addison stuff that much, so i could be missing the mark with some things.

but yeah what are yall opinions? do you think he’s the youngest? the oldest? something in between? does it even matter? then there’s the whole addison sibling thing but i still havent decided whether or not spam’s related to the addisons like that. realistically he’s probably not, but ya know, its fun to mess with i guess.

[earthflaxmachina]

1 dere(k)volution

P: heres to the first of the second try at ramble posting on tumblr. instead of random rants, these posts will be centered around some kind of oc meta. also this time i have a co-host of sorts to keep it interesting because i am a dull turd.

D: It’s Derek.

P: cool. the topic for discussion today is the evolution of derek. but like the concept of derek. not this derek’s canon character development or whatever. to start by looking at the first ever image of derek that i scrolled through my camera for 10 minutes to find.

(from 2/2019)

if you didnt know already, his name was Dolan at first. the name Derek is fairly recent.

D: Dolan. What an ugly nerd name.

P: right. also. his design was based off a bottle of water i found at the grocery store. back then i had a weird tendency to draw very thin necks for some reason. along with very short torsos and long legs. so thats why the proportions look really weird.

D: That explains why you draw really thick necks now to compensate. Hahaha.

P: basically the beta concept for his story was that he lived in Hell and had an incredibly powerful wand that he inherited by accident after getting lost in the snowy woods or something. (Dolan) didnt really know what kind of responsibilities came with the wand and consistently wanted to become a magician (not fantasy kinda magic... like card tricks kind of magic) and misused the wand for trivial things such as taking a shortcut to the grocery store.

D: So I’ve been a amateur magician since birth!

P: yes. its incredible how youve stayed an amateur for this long. fun fact: harlow was also created at a similar time and was exes with one of luciano’s brothers. wow. the prosciuttoverse was a cesspool back then. a furry world PLUS heaven/hell setting? get outta here.

D: Harlow was also my love interest for quite some time!

(from 4/2019)

P: yeah. maybe we’ll do a commentary on harlow’s evolution at some point.

D: God I had such a weirdly-shaped head.

P: lets look at some other pics of dolan.

(renewed ref, from 5/2019)

(from 1/2020)

P: nothing more to note other than the fact that i remember writing a lot about you having a nice butt on your charahub/toyhouse profiles. despite the fact that your butt is pretty mundane in the evidence provided. god what the hell is that shading.

D: Ah I look so young and happy.

P: right i think dolan was meant to be in his early 20s. like literally every other oc i had at the time. next, the start of 2021 was when i revamped/redesigned dolan.

(from 2/2021 and 3/2021 respectively)

P: theres the first ever image of human derek and harlow. not much has changed tbh

D: We look like a lesbian couple.

P: the story concept was also pretty different from the original. basically i made a whole hierarchy for both heaven and hell and the world was completely extinct so everyone was either in heaven or hell. the world itself was the wence boys’ world. so the story wouldve taken place way way in the future. blah blah blah something about heaven being evil or corrupt or something corny like that, and dolan (being half devil/angel what a cliche) wanted to change The System (tm). also he was running a campaign 2 be ruler of hell or something as part of his plan. maybe he was evil maybe he wasnt idk. its old corny stuff.

D: Sounds like boring philosophical politics. Bluh bluh.

P: yeah. anyways timeskip to later in the year when i completely revamped your story AGAIN! ill try to limit the pictures from now on because im almost at the max 10.

(from 7/2021)

D: Look at me and my pronounce!

P: so at this point. there was a heaven/hell but it wasnt the main setting it just existed. there was an office kinda deal going on for the admin stuff. a dead persons soul could either be reincarnated in heaven/hell or destroyed iirc. there were 4 different departments because people die all the time so they categorized them. dolan had the biggest department because it was Death by natural causes/accidents. the 3 other were Pestilence (disease), War (conflict or generally murder), Famine. at this time i changed dolan’s name to Death because he was literally the grim reaper. he also wasnt God at this time. there was still some kind of higher power i think it was Stig. harlow was human and also lesbian now. nothing else interesting.

D: So when did I become Derek?

P: I dunno. some time after my birthday? when i started the storyline where you became human for a bit and needed a human name for Death. then i just got tired of calling you Death and stuck with Derek because it is better in every way.

D: Excellent judgement.

(from 28/10/2021)

P: this was probably the start of the all New and Improved derek storyline. the rest is pretty streamline from here and doesnt really need a recap.

D: Woof look how sweet and well-adjusted I looked back then! And that tiny nose.

P: yeah you still had some humanity (pupils) in your eyes. and still had the square glasses thing going on. eugh. waitwaitwait lets look at the first time i drew you and rumi lol

(from 11/2021)

D: We were so in love.

P: wow you guys have changed a LOT since then. for one: you were probably never that sweet to her. and she hates your guts now. 

D: If I had any!

P: alright. that concludes this ramble on THE EVOLUTION OF DEREK

D: DERE(K)VOLUTION

P: that sounds stupid. welp. i will probably make a poll on whose meta we should recap next - because i am always looking for an excuse to make a google form. or just send smth to the askbox. i dont care. bye

D: Goodbye friends!

[ms-indifferwnt]

I’m Cold

“I'm cold"

"And?"

"Can't you give me your jacket or something?"

"Can't you accept my proposal and marry me already?"

In which Prince Donghyuck's parents are forcing him to get married and he decided to propose to the first girl he sees to shut his parents up

Genre: Prince!Lee Donghyuck x Maid!Reader, Angst, Fluff, Arranged Marriage (kinda), Slowburn

Warnings: Curse words, Suggestive (I'll add more if there are)

Notes: Chapter 4 of Im Cold. Sorry this one took longer, hope you guys enjoy

WORD COUNT: 1.8k

Prev / Chapter 4 / Next

Y/n sat, legs crossed by the ankles as she tries her best to avoid eye contact with the person infront of her, granted he was busy trying to sell his proposal to the Prince but the way he stared at her made Y/n uncomfortable and kept adjusting ho she sat in order to keep her mind of the man

Donghyuck noticed how uncomfortable she was, through out the conversation he had with the man across from him and Y/n he was inching closer to Y/n in order to shield her but the man would stare at any pretty thing that would pass them by and Donghyuck was absolutely disgusted, he placed a caring and affectionate hand on Y/n's knee to catch her attention and once their eyes meet he could already see how distressed she was, pulling away to unbutton his blazer and placed it on her legs

"Get out" The Prince says to the man with an obnoxious grin, his eyes serious and harsh, making the man stop and stare at the prince in shock "Didn't you hear me?"

"B-but" the man started to defend himself and the Prince sighs and crosses his arms

"If there's one thing I don't tolerate is when people like you treat women like some kind of prize, you've been doing it to every single thing that has two legs and a pulse since we got here and it's rude, doing it to my fiance is just down right disgusting, I don't tolerate that behavior in my kingdom nor in my presence so I'm going to say it again," He says in a calm tone yet it held authority "Get out, you've wasted our time enough"

Y/n watches as the man bows and leaves, "Thank you" she whispers

The Prince looks at her with a raised eyebrow and fixed his blazer that on her legs "Next time tell me" He replies calmly to soothe the girl's frightened gaze, The Prince could be scary if he wanted to and he didn't want to scare her more than she already is "I dragged you into this mess, let me protect you when you're scared"

She nods slowly "Y-you didn't have to kick him out-"

"Were you even listening to what he said?"

She shakes her head

"Me neither"

She looks at him "Sorry?"

"I stopped listening after the first sentence, I noticed he was eyeing a couple of waitresses and I noticed you were uncomfortable but you weren't saying anything, anyway, I paid more attention to you then whatever he said," He concludes and noticed she had her head down and he hums in an attempt to get her mind off it "We should eat lunch, anything you want in particular?"

"Anything is fine"

"No seriously? Seafood, Pasta, Chicken, Beef, Pork? Anything?"

"Whatever is ok, My Prince"

"Ok, next time I will not answer you if it isn't Donghyuck. Second," He cups her cheeks so she'll look at him "Right now you're my Fiance , so do me a favor and take advantage of me yeah?"

She blushes and looks down, nodding

"Words, love" he presses

"Yes, ok"

"Yes, ok, what?"

"um?" she looks up and into his eyes "Donghyuck?"

He nods "Good girl," he approves and smiles sweetly "So lunch? made up your mind yet?"

"Yes, um Seafood?"

"ooh, there's this really good restaurant Taeyong Hyung brought me too, I'll take you there"

"Just two more meetings," He informs and held her hand "And I promise I'll take you shopping"

"You really don't-" Y/n was cut off when she yelped in pain when the prince squeezed her hand, giving her a sweet yet warning smile she sighs and decided to get into character, making a mental note to scold the Prince "But- Its so boring, Please can we go now?"

Donghyuck looks at the man opposite them and smiles softly and apologetically "Love, just a little longer," she pouts and Donghyuck wanted to pinch her cheeks, granted he was the one who asked her be disagreeable so he can doesn't have to stay and attend this meeting, but he found her whining absolutely adorable that he might actually obey her if leaving was what she really wanted "ten minutes, then we go ok?"

She grins, Y/n and the Prince spoke about this while they ate lunch that he was not in the best mood after dealing with the man with an obnoxious grin and that he doesn't want to attend the meeting, so he developed a plan, managing to get the female to join his plan, "Alright"

After ten minutes as promised, the man bowed and apologized with the prince assuring him that it was alright and that they'll talk tomorrow

The Prince watched as the man leaves then beams at Y/n "life saver," he says and nods "I'll buy you anything you want" he promises and Y/n shakes her head "and before you decline, choose, you pick out something you like or I'll buy the whole store?"

She gasps and grabs his sleeve "Donghyuck!" she exclaimed in a scolding voice, like you would to a child but instead of the prince beibg offended or atleast shocked by the female's tone he grinned

"You," He looks at her happily "You called me by my name"

"No-"

"Yes you did! Say it again, come on Y/n"

"Your Highness-"

He clicks his tongue and raises his eyebrow "Come again?"

"Donghyuck"

He grins and nods "half an hour before the next meeting then shopping, ok?"

"We really don't have to"

"Well, true" He hums and orders two more hot chocolate "but its good publicity, people see me, the prince shopping with his fiance, you, and I'd get recognition and my The King and Queen would believe our love" he thanks the waiter and looks at her again, leaning in making the Prince's breath fan against hear cheek, voice quiet as he whispers "besides you need more clothes that will match with me"

"Prince Donghyuck?" A man calls from behind him and Y/n pulls away and looks to the side, a bit of pink coloring her cheeks at how they were caught

The Prince turns and smiles "Oh, you're early, please, have a seat" and the man obeyed "Can I get you anything?"

The mam shakes his head "No, thank you" His maroon suit standing out in the cafe, his whole persona made Y/n feel uneasy like something was wrong with him, she was on edge

The Prince smiles and nodded "You may start whenever you are ready"

"By putting this new building up it will give  us more chance to meet with people outside of the kingdom" He proposes and then looks at the Prince for approval who had his eyebrows furrowed at the man's words

"And where are you proposing we build that?" He asks

Y/n looks at the Prince as he spoke, something about his tone was off, and Y/n doesn't like it

"There's this plot of land that would be absolutely perfect for it," He takes his phone out and shows the Prince where it was planned "This spot would surely get a lot of attention"

Y/n's breath caught on to her throat, "That is a neighborhood" she says in disbelief, "Where would those people live? Where would they go?"

Donghyuck looks at her and tilts his head "Are you seriously planning on building that in a place were people live? where they have claimed as their home?" he glares at the man "Y/n how do you know this neighborhood?"

She looks at the Prince only to see him calmly yet dangerously looking at the man, like a predator would, The Prince was furious, "My Grandparents live there" She answers

The prince scoffs in disbelief "There are people there, Mr. Choi Samin. What do you propose we do to them? where will you put them?"

"Well I didn't really-" He started and The Prince cuts him off

"That's enough," He says and waves him off "Thank you for your time, you may leave now"

"But, my Prince-" He starts

"I'm sorry I think I didn't make my self clear, I no longer have any business with you," He declares "I have no business with someone who would do anything for money, even when it means making hundreds of families loose their homes? You don't deserve speaking to me, to my fiance or my family, get out"

Y/n flinches and looks at the Prince in fear, one thing was known about the Prince is that he was happy-go-lucky, playful and absolutely flirty but if there is one thing that every single person in the palace avoids it the Prince getting angry, granted he doesn't get angry often but when he does he's intimidating.

Y/n grabs the Prince by the sleeves holding in to it when he makes a move to stand, she doesn't understand where she developed the courage to do that, but she did and the Prince stopped looking at her with a harsh glare only to see her e/c colored eyes staring at him in fear, he takes a breath to calm himself down, taking the female's hand with his other one to pull it away from his sleeve and place it down to his hand, to hold it, protectively and carefully, locking their fingers together as he looks at the man

"well?" The Prince asks, he was still angry, but he was calmer, Y/n helped calm him down, his thumb rubbing softly against Y/n's skin "Leave"

The man stands and bows, leaving the two of them in the cafe, The prince looks at Y/n "You ok? I scared you didn't I?"

She shakes her head "I'm ok, thank you" he keeps on watching her as she spoke "I'm definitely ok, thankyou for not approving the proposal, I don't know what my grandparents would have done, oh and the children there, I'm thankful you declined but you didn't have to get angry at a public pace your reputation might-"

But did any of that get through to the Prince? No. He wasn't listening, actually he stopped listening, he got sidetracked by watching her speak and the way her hand moves while she tells him truths, speaking of hand, he looks down, the two of them still have hands interlocked and the rubbing of his thumb against her skin still hasn't stopped, Donghyuck's cheeks grow warm, was this not affecting her? "Y/n, stop your rambling," he comments and stands tugging her along by the hand making her stop "I wanna give you something, come on"

I’m cold Taglist:

@staysstrays​

If you wanna be added leave a comment

[myidlethinkings]

So my girlfriend has been trying to have me read the Wheel of Time series since when she was just my best friend. I picked back up the second book recently but it's been a while since I read the first and she went on this massive "YOU WON'T REMEMBER EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST BOOK, LET ME TELL YOU"

This led to her Wheel of Time in 5 Minutes ™ lecture/rant and... I had to share this with the world. Enjoy.

Obviously every spoiler for the first book. You've been warned.

_______

k, eye of the world in 5 mins.

begins in the two rivers, emonds field, is gonna be bel tine and everyones all excited. rand lives further afield with his father and theyre bringing in brandy for the inn. rands all omg someones watching me as theyre getting in, tams all i cant see anything, rands all mustv imagined it. they get there. they hear theres going to be a gleeman. meets up with his bestie perrin and LOVER mat I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP who are both like yeah we totes saw the figure too. they go we'll tell the mayor tomorrow.

they see the gleeman thom and theyre all omg a gleeman, omg. then the two strangers, moiraine, who is the best character ever to character in any universe fucking fight me on that and lan, who are asking questions about the area and people and moiraines like oh hi child to nynaeve the wisdom whose like im the fucking wisdom bitch who the fuck are you. she then says to the boys hey here have this coin which is totally a normal coin cuz i might have errands and shit and theyre like holy shit anything you want.

then he sees egwene and hes all like omg the love of my life will you dance with me tomorrow at bel tine and shes all yeah sure in the afternoon cuz i got shit to do in the morning and hes all like wut? and shes all GETTIN MAH HAIR BRAIDED YO and hes all like holy shit that means shes marriagable, holy shit man.

then the peddler paidan fain rocks up and gets everyone in a frenzy over war wherever and false dragons and logain or whoever else.

rand and tam go back to the farm overnight before the festivities begin. shit goes down. trollocs smash in, rands all OMG TROLLOCS ARENT REAL THO LIKE WUT and tams all, fly you fool and rand runs into the woods. but then hes all, i cant fucken leave my father so he creeps back and in the shadows he sees tam creeping around with a sword and rands like DAFUQ why does he have a sword, fighting ensues, tam gets hurt, is dying, rand manages to get him back to emonds field with a figure trailing them.

tams delirious, starts talking about rands dead mother and then starts talking about a battle and how they all poured over the dragonwall and that it was snowing but it was so hot, battle is always hot and she was a warrior even though she was pregnant and she gave birth and died and how he took the baby and rand was all WUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. im gonna ignore that shit.

gets to emonds field. everything is in ruins. trollocs wrecked the shit there too. nynaeve is all like sorry dude, your dads gonna die. hes all fuck that, gets back to the inn where the gleemans like hey that ladys an aes sedai, she could heal him but i totally wouldnt because you never know what they ask for in price and rands all i dont care because HE IS MY FATHER. MY FATHER. HEEEEE. ISSSS. MYYYY. FATHERRRRR. thoms all, holy shit dude calm down hes your father. moiraine, the best character in the universe, heals tam, then shes all like look, you three boys need to come with me and rands all, well shit she makes sense and they go but then egwenes hiding too and shes all bitch im adventuring too and rands all AHHHH and moiraines all huh the wheel weaves what the wheel wills, whatevs, and they go on, with thom whose also like this place is boring asf, im coming on.

they head out, dragkhar fly overhead, moiraine like a mofo destroys them, they get to tarren ferry, cross on the ferry, then coincidentally theres a whirlpool and the ferrys destroyed when theyre on the other side and egwenes like HOLY SHIT YOU DID THAT and moiraines all cuz im fucking awesome and nobody can follow us now so stfu and they head on.

rand interrupts a lesson with moiraine teaching egwene the true source cuz egwenes got it. rands all FUCKING WTF and thoms all dude, leave it, you cant do a thing about it. Shes gone now. Why don’t you bang mat instead. I mean the mat comment never happened but I will ship them till my dying breath. moiraines all to egwene youll die if i dont teach you, there was another back in emonds who also had it but she managed to survive/channel in her own way.

egwene starts to unbraid her hair. rand has a crying fit. egwenes all fuck off man, i do what i want. mydraal and shit attack them, they get to baerlon safely. where the gatekeepers like the children of the light are around but they cant cause much trouble cuz the city watch hate them and the whitecloaks are little bitches. they get to baerlon. mat and rand walk around. they see a few of the whitecloaks, dane bornhold a young man leading the small group. mats like lol, watch this, enters a shop, climbs up the top and hurls a rock at them, loosening barels. rand has started to feel feverish and when the barrels nearly knock them over, rand stands there and doesnt hide and rands like lol and danes like dafuq are you looking at and rands like im looking at you what are YOU looking at and hes feeling really odd and reckless and danes like are you a darkfriend and steps forward but then the city guards turn up who hates the whitecloaks and they face each other off and mat hauls rand off all are you fucking insane, you faced him off and rands recklessness leaves him and he freaks out and they flee.

throughout this time and through the book all three have dreams but i cant be bothered to get into those, theyre basically all the dark one figuring out who is who, and they wake up after rats backs were broken in the dream to be all oh hey it was just dreams though, to find rats dead all over the place and other stuff. Moiraine told them early on to go to her if they have dreams and the boys talk about it and theyre like we should probably tell her but nah, she saes sedai and like, its just dreams yo, yeah a few rats end up dead but cool, its fine, we’re fine.

oh baerlons also where he meets min who can see things around them, like with him a sword that is not a sword and three women on his funeral pyre weeping and with perrin she sees wolves and mat dice and with lan seven broken towers and a baby in a cradle with a sword and blah blah. And she says she can see he loves egwene and egwene loves him too but theyre not for each other, at least not in the way they want to be.

then he returns and nynaeve is there and she is PISSED and is all like we're going home now and moiraine manages to convince her they are in trouble and nynaeves like ..... i dont trust you, but fine. and lans all how did you find us and shes all i tracked you bitches and hes all like, huh.

rand says to her later about MY FATHER HE IS MY FATHERRRR and nynaeves all awkwardly like er yeah totally, i totally dont remember when your father returned after adventuring with an outlander wife, that totally explains your red hair, er yea sure. but that above all they loved him as much as they wouldv loved any baby.

oh a bunch of times during the book people startle at him and him being so tall with red hair and grey eyes and say he resembles an aiel. oh, theyre also ta'veren, so extra special they draw people into doing stuff with their lives, they effect the pattern. moiraine also says the two rivers used to be manetheran, a fabled kingdom. that night shit happens and they run off. they run, fight, attack, fight, as they battle mat starts yelling out things in an old language he doesnt know, that moiraine says was a manetheran war cry and the old blood still sings.

theyre going to get outrun in battle and against moiraines judgement lan takes them to an old crumbling city shadar logoth which fell to the darkness and even trollocs and mydraal dont like entering it.

oh also tam gave rand the sword which is a heron marked blade and lans all like er only blademasters have these why did your father have one and rands all HES MAHHH FATHERRRRRR and lans all yeah but how and rands all he bought it from a merchant years before and lans all yeah that sounds totally legit.

they go into shadar logoth, the boys sneak off, meet mordeth whose all like lol here take the treasure and mats like cool but rands like holy shit he doesnt have a shadow and then mordeth goes all rahhhh and the three manage to escape and they return and ramble about what happened and moiraines like DID HE GIVE YOU ANYTHING and theyre all like no and mats like er totally didnt and moiraines like we have to move and they leave but then this shadow thing that can kill them separates them and theyre all separated and perrin and egwene fall into a river together, and nynaeve finds moiraine and lan and is all like I will cut you aes sedai for what you’ve done to all of us and moiraine is all lol, and rand and mat with thom end up on a ship, the spray, with bayle domon and theyre worried he’ll throw them overboard cuz of the trollocs that chased them but domon seems to think theyre after him.

moiraines like with the coins i can track them, but two of them have lost their coins (paying for passage on domons ship). perrin and egwene roam around a lot, finally meet up with a man elyas who can communicate with wolves. aes sedai once tried to gentle him because of it but it has nothing to do with the one power so it didnt do anything. theres hints he used to be a warder, but now he hangs out in the wilderness. he says perrin has the same thing, perrin freaks out. elyas is like ill take you to the next city cuz you guys are lost. they then meet up with the tuatha'an, the tinkers, who roam around and dont harm anyone even if theyre to be harmed. perrin cant reconcile that, hes all how can you defeat evil by that, but in turn they pity him as hes such a young, sad, violent man with his axe. his eyes start turning gold like elyas' and he starts to communicate with wolves like hopper and a bunch of them though he tries to deny it.

egwene dances with aram, one of the tinkers and perrins all wow what about rand and they eventually leave, though aram is restless for a tinker.

the leader asks elyas if hes found the song which is their formalities, elyas is all no we havent. the leader then tells him of a story he heard, of an aiel who crossed the waste and died, to tell them that leafblighter means to blind the eye of the world. then she died. they leave and then they then meet afoul of the whitecloaks who are fighting whatever and bornhold - danes father – and byar catches them. through the ordeal perrin kills two of the whitecloaks while hes being all half wolf in the battle and they take them in to be questioned.

nynaeve and moiraine/lan end up finding them, releasing them, the wolves assist, nynaeve gets left behind, lans all about to get her, moiraine reminds him of his oaths, nynaeve turns back up.

meanwhile rand/mat are at whitebridge and mats starting to get sick and suspicious. he had a dagger from shadar logoth. a mydraal finds them, thom hurtles his flute and harp at them, says to go, to leave. hes saving them because he once had a nephew who could channel and the red ajah gentled him, while thom was having an affair with the queen morgase of andor when he was a court bard and by the time he got to owen it was too late and hed not survived, which he always regretted and then because he left morgase the way he did she was pissed at him too. rand and mat run for it, rand sobbing that thom is dead.

they go from village to village to village, mat getting sicker and sicker, a young woman who ends up being a darkfriend tries to kill them, they escape. rand keeps thinking he sees padan fain the peddlar from home, whose actually a darkfriend.

moiraine tells nynaeve she has the power too, nynaeve has a mini breakdown. moiraine said it would have begun with a doing something she desperately needed then a few days later collapsing really ill and the illness disappearing quickly. nynaeve once said egwene had gotten sick as a child and shed healed her not knowing how, then gotten sick. moiraine says thats also how she found them to begin with, in the city, she could sense egwene.

rand and mat go to a poor inn, they try to rob them by locking them in the back. mats getting sick and even more paranoid. rand is terrified when he realises theyre going to sell them to a darkfriend and he prowls and prowls till the room theyre in explodes, the wall crumbling. rand doesnt know how but he thinks he did it himself. mat becomes blinded from it and starts sobbing.

they escape. on the run again. as mat is blind, rand takes care of him and mat in his illness is worried that rand will abandon him which rand would never do because mat is the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, rand ends up really sick, paralleling what moiraine said what happened to nynaeve.

they end up hitching a ride to caemlyn where they expect moiraine to find them, if shes still alive. the buggy driver talks about the queen. how elayne is the daughter heir and her brother is the first prince of the sword. its been tradition forever that the daughter heirs go to tar valon to train and the princes go be taught by warders. he mentioned tigraine who was the queen before morgaise, who disappeared mysteriously nearly twenty years ago, who left behind a son galad. morgaise married the husband and became queen and while she had elayne and gawyn, galad lives with them too, now the husband is dead. oh, also logain the false dragon is being presented to the queen as prisoner before the aes sedai take him to tar valon to gentle him.

they get to caemlyn, mats REALLY sick. rand leaves him at an inn, tries to go see the false dragon being brought in. he meets loial an ogier whose nice, whose like 90 but really young for an ogier to have left his stedding without permission. rand ends up thinking he sees paidan, but doesnt have a good feeling, tries to run off, falls into a castle garden. meets elayne the daughter heir who might actually be the most annoying character to exist, her brother gawyn. theyre like omg you look like an aiel. elayne then talks about gareth bryne the guard captain dude she ships hard with her mother. galad MY MOST PURE CHARACTER WHO I LOVE FUCK ELAYNE (not a spoiler, his name is of the most pure camelot round table knight) rocks up, is all, holy you broke into the palace. elayne whose a bitch is like how DARE YOU YOURE NOT MY BROTHERRRR and galads all we are siblings and my duty is to protect you and shes all you wont do anything with this rand ill invoke protection, then galad goes and tells the guards because theres literally a false dragon being brought in and tension is on the rise in caemlyn and hes taken to see morgase.

the red ajah elaida is freaked out by him, knows hes taveren, has a bit of a prophecy but it doesnt really mean much and morgaise is all look, we cant just arrest everyone, let him go.

he then races back to the inn, moiraine and everyones there, they all hug, then hes all like oh yeah mats sick btw. moiraine goes up and mats not just sick hes now tainted. she does the best she can but is all like he needs to get to tar valon to have the bond between him and the dagger properly severed. then moiraine meets loial who randomly talks about an event concerning the eye of the world. perrins all oh yeah thats like the dead aiel girl the tinkers spoke about. that changes the plans once moiraine realises the dark ones trying to get to the eye and shes like we cant get to tar valon yet we gotta leave now. they use the ways which loail knows how to use cuz ogier and male aes sedai made them together centuries before but now the ways are tainted.

theyre like the worlds between the worlds, can get to places quicker but it has the black wind thatll kill you. blah blah blah they use the ways, nearly die, but get to fal dara/shienar, which is sort of where lan is from. nynaeve confesses her love, lans all no i cannot, i cannot offer anything. it ends up that his parents had the throne but his ... there was scheming. His uncles wife wrecked everything, she escaped with her baby into the blight, lans cousin, nobodys seen or heard of them, moiraine suspects isam might be alive but GASP keeps it from lan. the seven towers crumbled, lan has a death wish, he believes hes the only one left so must die.

lord agelmar wishes lan would rise up the banner of the golden crane because everything about the blight is crumbling, lans like no, i have a new oath now with moiraine. lord ingtar is a fight me soldier who fanboys after lan. theres a battle going on in tarwins gap they desperately need help for, but lan says he cant. lord agelmar orders ingtar to accompany them to the blight and leave them cuz moiraines like we cant have anyone else come with us.

Paidan fain by this point has rocked up to shienar and tried to wheedle his way into the good graces of lord agelmar but hes all wtf you look like a creeper and throws him in a cell. Moiraines like I need to question him at some point.

moiraine then takes them into the blight to find the green man who can take them to the eye of the world. the green man rocks up, hes made of vines and flowers, takes them to the eye. two forsaken rock up. moiraine tries to fight, is knocked out, nynaeve and lan get knocked out, the boys run. the green man is destroyed by the forsaken. rand ends up destroying the forsaken, goes into the eye, channels the male source in there, realises he can channel, has a fight with the dark one - whose still bound under the seals, but rand believes he ended the dark one and its done. comes out, the others are recovering. brings out an old banner from the eye thats the dragons banner, broken seals from the dark ones prison, and the horn of valere. moiraine is all, we need to take these to tar valon. rands all, you do that, but im done with aes sedai, im not going to tar valon. im done. the dark ones dead and im going to do my own thing. he turns to egwene who backs away from him when he said he channeled, then she bursts into tears and hugs him and says shes sorry.

they return to shienar, fal dara, where there was a miracle in tarwins gap where they believed they saw the creator and that the light took on flesh - they saw an apparition of a man they didnt know as rand fighting the battle he fought. ingtars flipping his shit because he missed the battle while accompanying them, and then not even being able to accompany them the entire way. After all of his talking about going after a week rand is still there, finishing his sword practice with Lan in Agelmar's private garden and meets up with Egwene. He tells her that he will go away. Egwene asks him to come to Tar Valon with her and Nynaeve, itll totes be fun, I mean theres the red ajah and shit wholl attack him if they know but hey itll be fun, but Rand refuses. He says he'll never channel again. When she asks him if he'll be going home, he tells her that he'll never go home.

Moiraine is underneath Agelmar's private garden. She uses her blue teardrop thing she wears on her forehead to focus her eavesdropping on Rand and Egwene. Using it to eavesdrop was the first use of the One Power she had learned as a young girl in the royal palaces of Cairhieren.

Smiling, she says, "The Prophecies will be fulfilled. The Dragon is Reborn."

the end.

[princeanxious]

Random idea that im gonna ramble on abt bc I'm bored and just wanna write something

Warnings: Remus, romantic Intuality single dad au

Human Single Father au but. It's Remus. Hes the Single Father. Virgil is his youngest child who developed an anxiety disorder young. His mother is out of the picture pretty early on which doesn't help things, but Remus handles raising him on his own like a champ. He never faltered in taking up the other side of parenting and keeping his stable well-paying job and home.

Ideas in this idea/au/whatever it is: Remus and Virgil are pretty seperated from most of Remus's family because most of them believed Remus was never going to be a good father, and that he shouldve put Virgil up for adoption the moment he was born, especially after Virgil's mom signed over full custody and dipped. The only one in their family who differs from the belief is Roman, his twin brother.

Remus has time and time again proven their family wrong, by holding a stable job for years, home, and getting Virgil counseling and providing for his son with everything Virgil could ever want(while still teaching him to be humble).

People meet Remus and get surprised to hear that he's a single Dad, then talk behind his back because they worry hes raising a crazy child reflecting himself. And then get double surprised when they're introduced to shy, polite Virgil by a softer spoken and doting Remus. Even some of Romans friends doubt him at first, but Romans fiercely protective of Remus and Virgil and shut that down real quick.

At some point Remus decides hes going to adopt a kid, its a little reckless but he gets his things in order and ends up fostering and then adopting Logan, a teenager whos so so so smart but has never ever gotten the chance to shine. Logan is immune to Remus's oddities in a way that make connecting both hard and easy. In a way they are vastly different kinds of people, but in another, they are both very very similar. Remus picks up on Logans different way of communication, and isnt shy about letting Logan set his own boundries. Virgil gets p attached to Logan, and vice versa. And their weird family works.

Roman knows Remus is kind of. Avoiding romance all together after Virgil's mom left. For good reason. And he gets it, but its sometime after Logan's legally adopted as Remus's, then Roman brings it up. He suggests that hes open to help if Remus ever does want to take up dating again, and Remus shyly admits two weeks later that he thinks hes ready.

So.. In comes Patton, who is a single dad himself. Hes got 1 son named Dimitri, who's become selectively-mute to the world around him.

Tbh they dont hit it off pretty well at first. Its a little rocky, and tbh Remus thinks he blew it after the first date, its one of those standard dinner dates and it requires Remus to sit still,which was hard. Hes never had a great brain filter and Patton seemed pretty overwhelmed, but.. Then Patton calls, and asks to try again. They try something different, one of those pottery dates, and they both thrive. Remus loosens up, having something to do with his hands keeps him calm and they can talk and interact and be themselves and get a little messy. The third 'date' involves leaving their kids to hang out and watch movies in Remus's livingroom while the two parents cook dinner and bake some treats. The kitchen is a mess but there's so much laughter. Remus is smitten with Pattons love for puns and loving personality, and Patton loves Remus's passion and dedication.

It takes a while but Dimitri, Lo, and Virgil start to get comfortable w/ each other. Logan and Virgil learn how to talk to Dimitri through sign language, Dimitri listens to Logan ramble on and on about space, Virgil and Dimitri bond over costume making and creepy things, Dimitri teaches them both alot about his pet snakes. At some point Dimitri deems Logan, Virgil, and eventually even Remus, people he can talk around. He has a lisp, and Virgil ends up hugging him the first time he talks around them bc Dimitri is so nervous. Patton silently cries in joy bc Dimitri had only ever talked around him before and its /progress/.

Eventually they are officially a couple, then, a while down the line, they get married. And their weird family thrives.

Roman probably gets baby fever ever so often and his bf Remy finds it adorable.(They may end up adopting a pair of twins named Thomas and Emile when theyre finally ready to settle down)

[kimnjss]

Yoongi, 87 + 96 please 💙

...idek how this happened, but i think i love them 🥺 (pLS ignore all the mistakes im a mess nd it’s late !! )

87. “fuck you.”

96. “you look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?”

-

- never again we’re you listening to park jimin. of all the stupid ideas that boy has thrusted upon you, this... oooh this had to be the worse. icing on the cake for the shit week you had been having. was your life some joke to him?? you were beginning to wonder. did he just get off on making you suffer? you wouldn’t be surprised.

- alright... a bit of backstory. it was safe to say that your sex life was pretty tame. wouldn’t go as far to say boring... just vanilla?? either way, it was n o t h i n g compared to the wild orgy filled sexcapades jimin was wrapped in (how he wasn’t constantly itching was beyond you). because he was so much more experienced than you, he had a thing or two to say about your refusal to spice things up.

- which was why, on a potentially peaceful tuesday afternoon he was dragging you to the sketchy parts of town to visit one of his favorite stores... LICKHER STORE . creative name for the most part, although it did sound like something a teenager came up with at 3am... anyway, you’re entering the store hoping and praying you won’t run into anyone from work and then you see him.

- arms crossed against his board chest, this real brooding expression on his face, messy blond hair falling into his dark cat shaped eyes. and you’re full out drooling over him, but at the same time not trying to make it obvious because for some reason park jimin never learned volume control.

- your discreet isn’t nearly as discreet as you thought and upon noticing your obvious attraction for the pouty cashier, jimin makes it his business to make ur business everyone’s business.

- the boy finds it cute, how embarrassed you are and you hate that you’re cute in the eyes of a literal sex god.

- now, here comes jimins idea. the first one, not the one that had you cursing him a thousand times to sunday - or whatever the saying was. the two of you were to visit the store until you were finding the perfect embellishment for your bedroom, or having a proper conversation with yoongi. (definitely not going to mention the way chills rolled down your spine just from the way he introduced himself)

- so you two went back everyday, you had nothing better to do and seeing yoongi greet you with that gummy smile of his has definitely made its way to the top of your list of favorites.

- “you need to surprise him! the guy works in a sex shop for crying out loud. probably has seen it all, you know? step out of your box and do something crazy.” jimin rambles as he sips his morning liquor. you must be drunk too, because you’re considering his idea. (the second one, the horrible one).

- your frequent visits to the sex shop not only had yoongi wondering if everything was okay at home, but also gave you two a chance to chat. (and for jimin to embarrass you at any given chance) completely surface level but he made you laugh a lot. in your conversations, you were finding out that he closed early on fridays. so you were arriving ten minutes before he was to lock the doors.

- he didn’t even spare you a glance, too busy eyeing a group of teenagers who really needed to have their parents called for their improper use of anal beads. this was perfect though, because you’re able to sneak into the back undetected.

- “just wear something sexy and get yourself into one of those swings, he’ll like it! i’m soo sure he’s into you, i see how his eyes...” the convincing words jimin had fed you this morning are slipping to the back of your mind as you’re shrugging the peacoat you wore to cover this lacy lingerie set.

- the swing, which is nothing like the ones you remember from childhood, is hooked up right in front of you. definitely a two person job hoisting up onto that thing, but you manage. settling and waiting until yoongi comes to check the back, which you know he does right before he locks the front doors.

- and you’re right, only hanging there (very uncomfortably, you’re arms are going numb you’re sure) for a few minutes before you hear his footsteps. you’re quick to reach for the straps, pulling your body up the best you can to look at him.

- “yoongi, play with me?” you’re speaking in the breathy jimin had you practice and yoongi doesn’t even react... at least not like you had expected him to. doesn’t even look surprised to see you back here like this. (you had definitely forgot there were cameras back here too)

- instead, he looks amused. tilting his head to the side as he takes in the way the straps and buckles slither around your skin. his eyes flicker to yours, filled with such fire... lust. and you’re thankful you hadn’t been the only one feeling it.

- how embarrassing if you had misread this entire situation, but you hadn’t. yoongi wanted you, and you were ready to give yourself to him... sans swing if possible. this thing was uncomfortable.

- “you look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?” his words are coated with a laugh and you can tell your discomfort is written all over your features. there’s a pout on your face, which has him laughing even more. you watch (that’s literally all you can do) as he traces the tip of his fingers over your burning skin. taking his time with tracing your collarbones, just barely brushing the lace of your bra. “you want me to play with you?” different from the way he had sounded just before, deeper. he’s done playing around and you’re nodding almost immediately, watching as his smile grows.

- you can feel your entire body getting ready for him, lust cruising through your veins like liquid fire. heart speeding up as he reaches for the straps around your wrist. phew, he was going to let you out of this death trap, not being able to touch him or move closer sucked. “wait for me,” he’s whispering and you’re feeling a tightness around your wrist.

- it only takes you a second to realize that he had just tightened the strap and was now stepping away from you. “hey! yoongi!? you’re leaving?”

- he’s shaking his head, but turning to exit the back area. “i said, wait for me, baby. i have a lotttt of work to do before i close,” you can hear his snicker even though he’s farther away.

- “are you just going to leave me in here?? yoongi!?” you can hear him shuffling around just outside and you try to swing your body in ways that might loosen the strap.

- he must hear you moving around because he’s quick to call. “be patient. if you can stay still for me, i’ll take good care of you.” you ignore the spark of arousal his words has shooting through your body, “oh, fuck you!” you’re shouting back, stomach flipping at the sound of his laugh.

- your efforts to get loose are quickly dying down at the promise of him ‘taking good care of you’. you wait, in this odd position - letting your mind wander to all the things he has in store for

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

drunk chris continuation?💕

A/N- Heres Part 2! Hangover cure! 

Part 1

You disappeared into the kitchen to make the hangover cure, grabbing a bottle of champagne, and orange juice from the fridge, making mimosas to relieve Chris’s headache. You knew he was a beer man, but this was vitamin C boost. Whatever, that what you were claiming was the cure. You also dug into the fridge and dug out stuff to make blueberry pancakes. What was mimosas without fluffy pancakes to go with it. Flipping on your playlist, and plugging your phone into the kitchen outlet, you got started with the tunes of Billy Joel playing in the background.

Chris made his way to the shower, once he got the water running, he figured a couple tablets would help with the throbbing behind his eyes. Opening the medicine cabinet, he shook the bottle and popped the meds, palming his hand under the facet to collect a swallow of water. Dipping his head back to ease them back. Oh that better kick in soon he thought, while his hand dipped into the stream of water and finding it satisfactory, he shed off his clothes, tossing his wallet and phone up on the counter and got in. Giving a sigh at just how good the hot water felt falling down his back and turning into it fully to drench himself and soap up, already feeling better.

Afterwards he dried off and slipped on a loose pair of sweats and nothing else, since today was just a lazy day. Going into the kitchen, he caught you bouncing happily to the soft tone of Joel, sipping on what looked like bubbly orange juice from one of the flute glasses you kept for special occasions. His stomach rumbled, and he was surprised to find that yea, he was hungry. Hands sliding along your bare hips, lifting his shirt up enough for him to palm your ass while you flip two pancakes. “Feeling yourself again?” You tip your head over your shoulder and give him a quick kiss while waiting for them to cook through.

“Much better, I took a couple tablets and they helped. Is there anything I can do to help?” His hands were still on your bare ass cheeks, fondling them, making them clench under his touch. “Nope, one of those flutes are yours, and we will have breakfast out on the deck? Its not to bad out, but your gonna want your sunglasses. I will be out in a minute.” You scooped out the pancakes and onto a plate with the others you already made. Chris gave one last squeeze and a light tap that made you jump in place while he nipped your neck.

“Your an animal” You hiss at him joking while he went to grab stuff from the fridge to accompany the breakfast you made, along with silverware and plates. “Theres no denying that baby, I love everything about you, you expect me to keep my hands entirely to myself when your bare ass in the kitchen?” He wiggled his brows and whistled to Dodger, who happily followed him out onto the deck, setting up the table, he was quick to go back inside and grab his sunglasses, perching them on his face.

“No, thats the whole point. Although we sitting out on the patio, Im gonna need something to cover my bare bottom.” You claim when he returned to you to grab your plate of pancakes, letting his hand wander one last time for a firm squeeze, pecking your lips playfully. “Fine, I can understand that.” He relented and took the plate from your hand. You pat his chest and give him a light push to go back out.

“Your insatiable, go out, I will be there in a minute.” you laugh, and retreat to put on some boy shorts, slipping them on with a hop while you continue down the hallway, collecting your mimosa and the ingredients to continue making more. When you step onto the concrete of the patio, your toes flex underneath the warmth already building in the late morning. Setting it all down on the glass top, you perch in your seat, shading your eyes to see Dodger on the other side of the pool and stretched out in the shade.

Chris is sitting next to you, scrolling through his phone, and obviously reading over the messages you two shared last night, groaning softly and you grin while collecting a couple still warm pancakes, pulling of a bite to pop in your mouth. “What? wishing they took away your phone last night?” you ponder, leaning over to look at what hes reading. “They should have. It wasnt just you that got random ass messages. Mom, Carly, Shanna. “ he continued scrolling, and flipped it so your could see. “Even a joint message to Anthony and Seb.” You collect his phone to read through it and laugh at his rambles, which both men responded with Wtf man, go to bed from Seb, and Anthony, well he egged him on.

You talk to all your friends this way? Your girl gonna get jealous.We knew you loved us man.

“Its your job to take it away before I go out” Chris informed you when you handed it back over and went back to your pancakes, drizzling syrup over them. “Oh no, what if you need to give me a call, ask me to marry you again? Be sure you tell Anthony Im willing to share, im not a jealous girlfriend.” You smirk, and Chris glares over his sunglasses at you, making you lean over and put a playful kiss on his pouting lips. “You love me and you know it Evans.”

“Yea I do, still your job to take away my phone next time.” He finally took a pancake and ripped it in tiny pieces and nibbling on a piece. You were about to retort when you heard someones voice behind you, and half turning in your chair, you saw Scott wandering into the kitchen. Waving your hand to catch his attention. “Were out here, grab a glass and I will make you a my morning hangover cure.”

Scott grabbed a flute glass and came out, immediately dropping his sunglasses on his face with a groan. “Suns a bitch, shining so bright so early in the morning.” He walked past the two of you and dropped a greasy mcdonalds bag in Chris’s lap. “I figured you might want to try that.

“Its 11 am Scott...” You retort as you take another bite of your pancakes. “And I made breakfast.”

Chris is digging out a sausage biscuit and Scott hands over his flute glass, which you start to put one together for him. “And your pancakes are delicious Y/N, but we need hangover breakfeast, greasy fast food will soak up that last bit of alchohol. We are pros at this, been at it since 16. Blame Chris, he corrupted me way back then.” You roll your eyes and smirk when handing it back over, which he sipped off the top.

“You know what Im not surprised. Under that nice sweet man exterior of his, I knew theres a corrupted side.” you smirk at your man, winking.

Hes unwrapping the biscuit, sharing bites of the biscuit with Dodger whos sitting near him with his head in his lap. “If I remember correctly, I wasnt the one who insisted I went out.” He arched a brow, who in turn Scott pointed right at you.

The traitor.

“Excuse me, it was YOUR girlfriend and contacted me saying you need a drunk night out with your friends. I delivered.” Scott informed Chris, and your acting all innocent, whistling and looking around, suddenly the other side of the pool looks really interesting. In your weak attempt to change the subject. “Chris wouldnt some bird feeders look awful nice over there, something for Dodger to watch.”

Taking a bit bite of his biscuit, Chris snorted after he swallowed. “I KNEW IT WAS YOU.” Exaggerating his words, you look over slyly and shake your head in denial. “Oh I dont know what your talking about Chris.” In a semi aggressive whisper across the table, fake covering your mouth to exaggerate it “Scott how could you throw me under the bus?! were no longer best friends.”

Scott laughs and tosses back the last of his drink. “That is until you need someone to come over and hang out cause your bored.”

“Okay, well until then, your dead to me.”

“Deal Sweetheart, okay gonna go check on the others. Since you know, not a one of us left sober except for Mikey. Check on you two love birds later.”

As Scott left, Chris tossed the last bite to Dodger and you pushed away your plate, moving to a stand and coming around to sit on Chris’s lap, brushing your hand through his hand while he circled his arms around your waist and pressed his face in your chest, making your laugh. “Your not to upset I called in your friends, you really did need a night out Handsome.”

“Mmmph mmph mmoh” He mutters and you ease his head up, chuckling. “What?” your brow arches in question.

“Hell no, it was needed, but... “ His arm tightened around your waist and moved to a stand, not letting you go, your arm loped around his neck to balance while he braced his arm under your knees. “It was tricky and you didnt take away my phone.” Chris went around the table and started to the pool. As soon as you realized his intent and started to wriggle to try to get loose. “Dont you dare Chris... Chris! CHRISTOPHER DONT YOU DARE!”

But he did dare, and you went splashing into the pool, you shot back up sputtering when he to jumped in next to you, you swam over to where he would pop up, and shoved him back under. His hand snaked up to your boy shorts, pulling them off, leaving you squealing, and he shot up in front of you. Pushing your hands against his chest to push away from him, trying to escape, he dove after you, leaving you laughing and twisting away, till you came up behind him, yanking his own pants down, blowing water in his face when he turned around.

“Get your ass over here baby.” He growled and you shook your head, pushing the hair from your face and staying just out of his reach as you two circled around the pool till he ended up catching you right at the edge, and your legs wrapped around his waist, nipping at his lips playfully.

“Oops look like you caught me!” You grinned at him and he grinned back, cupping your face in his hands and kissing you back deeply. “My plan all along, wear you out and then I get to do what I want with you.”

Which he did, making you orgasm twice pressed between the pool wall and him, you two finally got out, and went to take a “quick” shower, the water going cold on you two, but at least the chlorine was washed off. Instead of really redressing, you slip on black panties and tank top, going out to pick up the patio table, and he follows you out to help, catching sight of your hips. “Oh shit baby, does that hurt?” He frowned and slid a hand over your hip. Frowning you look down, and chuckle.

His fingers must have gripped you pretty hard in the pool, as they fit exactly where he liked to grasp to get the most leverage in his thrusts. “Chris baby, I didnt even know they were there.” You purr as your arm loped around his neck and you nuzzled his neck. “So dont worry about it, It doesnt hurt at all.”

He looks doubtful, and you feathered kisses against his neck. “Promise, but you can make it up to me.” You grin and go back inside, which he followed you and the two of you worked on putting stuff away. “What is that Babygirl?”

“You can watch your video you sent me together so I can see you squirm and love me one more time in bed?”

He seemed to ponder that, and as you bent over the washing maching, his palm squeezed over your ass, making you arch.

“Deal baby, get that cute ass in bed with your phone.”

After dissecting the video in the most hilarious moments, you were laughing so hard tears were streaming down your face, awwing about how sweet he was, Chris took over and proved his words about how much he loved you in the best way possible, leaving you crying his name over and over. Did Chris end up unwinding? Most definitely. It was probably the best day hes had in a while.

Your plan worked like a charm.

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

You've mentioned before that the Fae hierarchy is complicated and hard to explain but can you explain? I think you have but I can't find the post. Just like, is there one main ruler and then other people who work under them or co-rulers like what's it like? Sorry if you already answered a question like this.

okay so im gonna try, let me know if this borders on Fucking Nonsensical and i’ll try to rephrase it. also its going under a cut because its 1) long af, and 2) literally just me rambling about fae legal minutiae, i’m fairly certain its deeply boring tbh

the courts are like whole bunch of concentric and sometimes interlocking circles of various sizes. the whole enchanted forest, and all the fae in it (including the solitaries) are one CourtTM. this is usually what humans are referring to when they say “The Court,” and that’s what Virgil as Lord of the Forest, is in charge of - the whole shebang.

Splitting The CourtTM in half gives you Seelie (further divided in half into Springs and Summers) and Unseelie (further divided in half into Autumn and Winter)

This is where it starts to get complicated. 

The gentry are like the nobility, but it’s not quite an inherited-title thing, in the way it is for human nobilty. The most powerful fae in a given circle is the one who’s in charge, and gentry are (usually) the most powerful type of fae.

So, Virgil is the (sort of) the most powerful fae in the whole forest, the most powerful Unseelie, and the most powerful Winter, which makes him simultaneous the head of the Wickhills court, the Unseelie court, and the Winter court.

(I say sort of, because technically the head of all three of those courts is actually Virgil’s mother, but seeing as she is too eldritch to 1) do any actual governing - hence the reason she made Virgil to begin with - or 2) communicate successfully with anyone except Virgil, we’re just gonna cut out the middle man and say it’s Virgil)

And then whoever is the most powerful Autumn is the head of the Autumn court, but they also answer to Virgil since he’s head of the Unseelie court. Whoever is the most powerful Seelie is second to Virgil-as-head-of-The-Whole-Court, but outranks the head of the Autumn court, because theyre the next concentric circle up 

(god i hope this is making sense)

then we get to the interlocking circles. all the sprites have their own court, for example. BUT sprites can be any season. So they all answer to the head of the sprites (whatever season that sprite is) but some of them are also answering to the Spring court, and some the Summer, so on and so forth. The sprites are also further divided into pixies, nixies, imp, gremlins, so on and so forth

Now, I say usually for gentry being the most powerful type of fae - which is true, but isn’t the case 100% of the time. The issue is that the vast majority of gentry are kind of a bunch of pretentious, self-absorbed assholes, and will get very pissy if anyone points out that there are, in fact, some wild fae who are more powerful than them.

AND you can, if you like, refuse - if the most powerful Autumn up and decides theyre done with this bullshit and want to fuck off into the woods, they can hand it over to the next strongest Autumn and do so. It’s kind of like deputizing, in that if they come back and decide they want their title again, it’s still their, but once they say “you’re in charge” that deputy has full authority - Virgil is technically his mother’s “deputy” in this analogy.

(Virgil could theoretically do this as well, but 1) he has things like A Sense Of Responsibility and doesnt trust anybody else with the forest for love or money, 2) since his mother is more powerful than him she could just take it back from whoever he deputized and she would probably kill them even if she didnt mean to and 3) she would absolutely mean to, because his Mother would pitch a fit)

OKAY, hopefully that made sense, now we get to the second aspect of this whole shebang - things that are dependent on familial inheritance.

Stuff like personal property or territory, as well as debts and gifts both magical and mundane.

Heirs are chosen based on season, and earliness-of-season. The line of inheritance goes from you your children who are your same season, from earliest birthday to latest, your children who are your same seelie/unseelie court but not the same season, the non-opposite season, and then the opposite season last

So a Spring for example, goes (all of them earliest to latest in the season) Springs, Summers, Winters, Autumns.

(so if a Spring had a very powerful Autumn child, and a very weak Spring child, and then died, the child who inherits their stuff is the Spring)

This also means that if there’s more than one parent involved and theyre of different seasons, the children inherit things from different parents in different orders. (The Spring mother’s heir is the Spring child, but the Winter parent’s heir is the Autumn)

if you don’t have children, it goes to your siblings (same order) and if you don’t have those either, things start to get dicey, especially with magical shit being inherited. If it’s a debt, it has to go somewhere, and it’s likely to start flailing all over your (usually matrilineal) family line trying to find someone to stick to.

So debts can sometimes be the (very unpleasant) fae equivalent of “my great uncle so-and-so who i never even met left me a house on the lake”

[swampgallows]

like this shit is so long

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot to ask one important question, and it froze the grin on her face.

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

this shit is so fucking long and it doesn’t say anything new. there are three different paragraphs talking about “before” but it’s not for emphasis and it doesn’t provide any new information. if i were the editor, i would do this:

HAHAHA OH HOLY SHIT I GOT ON MY LAPTOP AND THIS WAS THE LAST THING ON MY CLIPBOARD HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

anyway my edit would be like

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot[en] to ask one important question[.] and it froze [T]he grin on her face [froze].

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She [blankly] stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience[,] to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

like so much of this is just not contributing anything. it’s a fic, we already know who these characters are, and there was already a previous chapter before this detailing jaina’s situation and hyjal and everything else. all of it is really implicit that she forgot to ask thrall if he wanted kids, it doesn’t need the like three paragraphs of Jaina is a Human Female and Expected to Have Children. this isnt an alien species being introduced to us like most couplings in azeroth bring up children as a factor. 

i dunno like i know people write fic for fun but this shit is 100k and when there is this much unnecessary detail it’s hard to see the forest for the trees as it were, and it makes it a slog to get through. i also dont “speed read” because most of my reading has been academic where every single word counts, and part of me feels like it’s disrespectful to the author. like they put these words down to be read, and so i will read them, but that’s also the way i’ve been trained to read.  also since i spent most of my schooling reading stuff like shakespeare or canterbury tales or les miserables you have to stop like every five syllables to look shit up or derive some kind of analysis unless it’s a modern adaptation that doesnt require any “translation” necessarily.  

basically like. writing is fun but editing is important. more people will read your fic when it isn’t 30% filler. and ive complained about it before but like word count doesnt have any fucking bearing at all on the quality of writing. in fact, when i see ship fics that skyrocket to like 150k words in a handful of chapters im like dang bitch you cant write for shit!!! if you cant get across what you wanna say in that amount of words and youre STILL not done it means you gotta pare some shit down. 

it’s why i prefer writing over talking EVERY time because i KNOW i ramble irl. and in a casual setting like this, a blog post, i of course will ramble here too. but in writing??? writing that people read? everything you write should convey something and drive your story forward. every sentence you type is communicating something. if you get through the whole paragraph and all you can extract from it is “jaina realizes motherhood is a possibility again”, it needs to say something more. i mean this is all just my opinion but like it’s so important to the tone of your writing.

i remember when i was reading the shining, and early on in the story jack is being instructed in the boiler room. and the attendant or janitor or whatever you’d call him goes on for a HUGE block of text of all the mechanisms and step-by-step explains each and every facet of the machinery, how to use it, what it’s for. there aren’t even indents in the paragraph. and then it mentions off-handedly how jack was giving quick responses like “yup”, “uh-huh”, shit like that. i mean it’s been a few years since i read it so im paraphrasing. but that part of the book stood out to me because it was so immersive. the way it was written and the way the information was being relayed was specifically to bore the reader, to put them in jack’s position, and also maybe intimidate them a little bit. and of course it was foreshadowing, too, when later in the story jack is struggling with the boiler, and i actually went and flipped back to the instructions earlier in the book to review what jack was supposed to do. and then i thought, “boy, i bet jack wished he was me right now, because i have everything all written down!” 

but anyway, like. that’s good writing. that’s using the medium of text to its advantage to communicate on a meta-level how the audience should feel, and that we are all jack in that moment, being told a huge laundry list of shit we have to do—being paid to do, our sole responsibility on this job—and totally mentally checking out. i LOVE jaina, and i LOVE thrall, but the way this fic is written portrays them both as totally spaced out, completely unsympathetic characters. what i read above isn’t communicating jaina’s trauma to me; it sounds condescending, like she’s such an air-headed dim bulb that she forgot to ask her new husband if he wanted kids.

and the “proposal” was like... extremely awkward? i mean maybe that’s what the author is going for but thrall being basically like “uhh i guess? yeah i guess.” and then it says they talked for an hour but couldnt stay longer than that because they’re both leaders and couldn’t stay away too long. like... i feel like this is supposed to be a pretty important thing? marriage? it’s the setup for the whole fic and it’s played so... underwhelmingly. which i dont feel is intentional.

I KNOW it’s just a fic and i’m being very critical but it’s just like damn everybody bitches about blizzard’s “bad writing” but then nobody steps up to the plate. :\ i dunno how anybody spends so much time reading fanfiction when most of it is such a fucking chore to read. god i hope my story isnt like that.

[hildorien]

I am in the minority but I’d love to know more about the pre-noldor elvish edain culture, history, and just life. 

I wanna know more about men in the context of men, I wanna see history through human eyes without the elvish perspective. 

I wanna know the full experiences of all humans in middle earth not the ones the elves interacted with. And if you have to have elves, I wanna hear about what humans thought of elves that isnt ‘oh they are so perfect and amazing and beautiful uwu’, because that’s kind of boring and we can all agree first age elves? on the whole? pretty shitty. (I love em but they have one brain cell to share among them and fuck up on the regular). 

I wanna see Humans who were born into a dumpster fire that is the world of arda, these are a people who didn’t get Orome leading them to heaven on earth, they got Morgoth. These are a people who lived in Morgoth’s land for centuries who probably experienced horror and oppression from basically their species infancy. Unlike the elves of valinor, or even the Sindarin protected by Melian, horror and despair would have not been their abnormal, it would be their everyday.  But they aren’t broken, they survive. They make families, connections, lives in this wasteland. They adapt and change, because I think in some ways that is the race of men’s true advantage over elves. That we don’t have a gap on our ‘greatness’ persay, humanity’s ambitions get’s mutated into greed a lot (I mean numenor is a dumspter fire for a reason) but I think that human ambition is a strength because it means we don’t accept our circumstances. The Edian sure didn’t. 

The edain, the Boerians, the people of haleth, and the hadorians, all marched themselves out of morgoth’s land hoping for something better, with NO GUARANTEE they find anything better.  But they still did it. And while we are here, let’s talk about how the race of men has not guarantee of anything, like elves (and dwarves) kind of know where they end up. They go to Mandos and get reborn, they go to aule, respectively. Men...don’t have that. Men really didn’t get anything (but Morgoth and suffering). They leave this world forever, thats what they know. Thats what they are told. 

But no one knows what the means. (Personally, I think its like a good place situation kind of. Eru is just michael and turin is janet) 

But anyway back to the POINT, (if there ever was one) the edain end up finding beleriand but beleriand isn’t the paradise they wanted. But hey, its not morgoth so let’s celebrate said the beorians before promptly getting found by finrod. And look elves did a lot of good for humans, but I also think there is this really bad dynamic of elves holding all the power and men just being in it for the ride. 

Ive made the joke that the elves of the first age are kind of like the edian’s sugar daddies but it’s kind of true. They give them land and like ‘wisdom’ (whatever the fuck that means) and in return men give them their ever increasing numbers. The Silm is a very elven story we don’t really get a lot of human, but when we do I think it’s pretty interesting. Because the relationship between Elves and Men is really uneven in the first age...and all ages even though in later ages forces of men like numenor at their height could I think easily sweep the floor with the elves of the second age combined. I think culturally Elves give a lot more, like men end up picking up their language, though im one hundred percent sure human languages didn’t die out and never do, humans must have shit talked elves a LOT in taliska (oh yes, that is the name of at least the language spoken by the hadorians and beorians, the people of haleth spoke a different dialect) and I think a lot of humans give more in resources (aka men, power, infantry). I mean personally if I was having at a guess I don’t think (as the latecomers) men got very many places to actually farm and have good land and relied on elvish goods to survive. I think this unevenness kind of spurred this idea that ‘elvishness = superior’, so to make this full circle I think a lot of pre edain culture was lost to make place for diet pepsi version of elf culture that we see human cultures like numenor and gondor have, because that’s better than their orn because elves are SPECIal BETTER AND DON’T DIE LIKE US BROKEN AND FALLEN PEOPLE.  ((screams)) 

Okay let’s talk about the death thing. Human and Mortal and Men all mean the same thing, humans die is not a statement that should be up for debate. But the humans of edain, at least from what we see of Andreth is that this was not how it always was. Humans were once immortal like the elves until they were bad and listened to morgoth and then they became mortal and all sick and ew. 

yeahhhh, I don’t think thats true. I think in-universe its a great myth. I love finrod ah andreth for this reason (also andreth is tolkien’s best female character he ever created and the fact that she’s not in the published silm is why we are in the bad timeline) , but I think humans...always were mortal. 

And thats okay. 

We talked about human ambition above, I think that is fueled by the fact that we all die. We have a timer, so we have to do things now, and that’s not a bad mindset to have. I think it gets humjans into trouble but also, imagine your a human in beleriand, you have children, a family, they might have children someday you want to do what you need to do to make sure THEY have a chance. 

(also lets talk about the fucked up fact that humans are punished for lsitening to morgoth in the first place like im sorry that humans didnt have any other valar looking for them, there was no orome, no fucking chance that they could have met anyone else because no valar came for them only morgoth with his lies so yes humans are bad for listening to the only god like entity that seemed like he wanted to help them, the elves did that too but they had nice gods so they are wise while humans who have illness and sickness and death over their heads listen to a guy with power okay jirt i see your double fuckig stnarad and its STUPID) 

And you can’t wait for that chance, so you leap. I think this is best illustrated by Turin of all people. Turin gets called elvish a lot in looks but in actions, he, like most of his family, are allllllllll human. The bridge in nargothrand even though it’s stupid and ends up horribly kind of reminds me of this. Turin doesn’t have time to wait like Gwindor, and Orodreth, etc do. his people have already been fucking disomated, he’s lost his father, his mother is trapped in enemy territory.  He wants to help. 

Sure it blows up in his face, but yknow...the want to do good is there. 

I think on the whole humans get a bad rep...like they’re called stupid and dumb and ugly by both fandom and in universe elves alike. But I don’t think that’s the case. Humans have a lot more balls and have collectively been through more trauma as a species than I think all of the elves (especially valinorian) elves combined. I think when humans fuck up, whether it be turin or numenor, it’s proof of their incompetence, that their inante (eru-given ability) to have ambition to seek beyond the world they live in for something better for something more is evil and they should be more like the elves, stagnant, already at the height of ‘perfection’, never changing....instead of being humans. Like look at these fools trying to act like than can be GOOD at something, sit down and let these elves be best at everything obviously. How many of you would look at me funny if I said, maybe the race of men was BETTER THAN THE ELVES AT SOMETHING? A lot of you im sure, and someone would have a rebuttle for how I was wrong and how this elf was considered the best. 

(like that post going around how could turin actually be #that pretty to thot his way through all of beleriand? Maybe he just Was like that, sure he may have a little elvish ness but honestly I think that be a funny thing elves say to cover up the fact some elves found a icky human was actually just that fucking hot, because obviously humans could never be that actually hot ever, not to intangle a sindarin mast of a guard, a NOLDORIAN VANYAR-DESSCENT PRINCESS, ect) 

Also just to go back to numenor, ever want an example of why it doesnt work for men to act like elves...look at numenor, early numenor was as elvish as humans could produce....but then they got bored. And then numneor became an empire and everyone eventually had so much of a bad time, eru reshaped the fucking world just to wipe the valar’s ‘humans but better’ ocs off the face of the planet. Like just to stray off topic I personally think men can’t go to valinor 1) because the two trees are actually nuclear, and the whole damn island is chernobyl instant death right there and thats why the valinor elves are like #that (they GLOW for gods shake) 2) the monotonous never changing perfection of valinor while amazing in the short term for humans would eventually drive them crazy. Not to say that the race of men doesn’t like some peace and quite or even humans (like myself) can be obverse to change, even I can admit doing the same thing ever day would drive me crazy. 

This got super rambly, but its been a lot of thoughts Ive been having for a long ass time. Basically, I just want people to talk to me about the atani, edian, race of men, whatever you want to call them. They deserve a lot better and a lot more respect than just playing a supporting role to the elves. 

They didn’t kill all those dragons to be ignored like this. 

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[theamazingcaptdeadpool]

Sinday Meme for Characters Who Share a Brain

The original meme can be found here: x Characters: Wade Wilson (@theamazingcaptdeadpool), Frank Castle (@mementomorimthrfckr) and Ajax (@cantfeelsht) Warning: An abundance of words, massive TMI, cursing duh, threats double duh, Any complaints may be directed at our lawyer; @hellsainted

Frank scoffed as Wade had spent the last three minutes trying to figure out a title, brainstorming no pun intended with himself – and the result he landed on you already read. “That sounds terrible, Wade.” he grumbled and sipped his coffee. A sort of bribe to get him to partake in the thing. “You come up with a better one then, Skulls, and we’ll use that.” Wade fired back, thankful that Frank wasn’t known for his creativity. “What was wrong with the original title?” Ajax wanted to know and crossed his arms. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, watching the other two with what one could describe as ‘calm suspiciousness’. “It was too long.” Wade complained. “Not catchy. And we’re replying as ourselves. The original title suggested that the co-pilot do it for us. Or arms dealer. Or whatever the hell you call her.” he explained, because he could see Frank straining as he tried to work it out. Be nice Wade. I’m always nice.  “Why don’t we just get this over with.” Ajax’s stare moved from Frank to Wade. His former subject was the most keen on this, after all – surely he would kick it off.  “Best idea you’ve had, Francis.” Wade murmured as he counted the questions of the meme. “Alright, there are twenty questions. Let the sinning commence!” he clapped his hands and rubbed his palms eagerly. 

“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed and leaned over the table, snatching the laptop from the merc with a dirty imagination mouth. “I’ll read these.” He glowered at Wade who raised his hands in defeat. There was no point in challenging the Punisher this early in the game.   “What muse needs the most attention on sinday?” Frank read and for some reason found himself looking glumly up at Ajax who shook his head.  “Wade it is then.” It wasn’t that Frank wouldn’t mind the attention… he just wouldn’t actively seek it.   “Yeah, that’s a no brainer.” Wade murmured, he had somehow produced whiteboard signs and written “Me!” on one side and “Not me!” on the other. What? I came prepared. I always do. Yes, that is me being suggestive. He gave one to Ajax who reluctantly accepted.  “Just making it easier for us.” He explained, surprisingly caring.  “Whatever it takes to shut you up,” Ajax looked at both sides to make sure he hadn’t written anything funny on his. 

“Easy, Francis,” Wade began only to be interrupted by Frank who read the next question loudly. “Which muse usually stays silent on sinday?” Frank sniffed. He hadn’t partaken in any sindays, yet. “I’m not it.” Wade said quickly. “I love me some sinday. Actually every day is sinday in my book. Doesn’t always have to be sex. Severe procrastination. Excess eating. Pillows of blow…” “You ever hear of TMI?” Frank put the laptop down on the table with more force than he intended.

  Wade wiped one of the sides of his sign clear and wrote “NO!” only to hold it up for Frank to see. None of them had noticed how Ajax was holding up his own sign reading “Me!” and it took all his effort not to wack Wade in the back of the head with it. “Let’s move on.” Ajax shot in, before Wade could start one of his endless rambles. Frank glared at Wade like a teacher glare at the kid in class that won’t ever stay silent – that they’re afraid to take their eyes off because they know they’ll cause trouble. “Share some headcanons about your muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation… You want to go first, Ajax?” Frank offered without looking at him. “Francis.” Wade corrected him. “Can’t feel. He can’t get it up – and can’t get it off.” Ajax closed his eyes, his jaw tense. “Wade is right.” he murmured. “I’m asexual. Except for specific muses. That has to be talked over in detail.” “Contracts has to be signed. Very Christian Grey. Wouldn’t play with him.” Wade turned towards the room and whispered to no one. Well, at least none that Frank and Ajax were aware of. They shared a moment of confusion, waiting for something to happen – someone to reply. As the silence bordered awkward Frank nodded and continued with the survey; “I’m bi with a preference towards women, but I’m not really looking for anything.” His voice was low. He wet his lips and averted his eyes, bouncing his foot impatiently. 

“I’m pan – the comics has me paired up with women and Spiderman. Over here, meaning Tumblr, I have a preference towards men.” Wade stated the obvious. Frank drew a breath to read the next question, but then Wade continued; “Men with metal arms. Men that are Avengers. Men that’s purple… Is that even a man?” “You done?” Frank wanted to know. They’d missed how Wade had fixed the other side of his sign – and was now holding up a “YES!”. “What are your favourite ship for your muses?” Frank was visibly confused by the question.   “For me it’s the Millenium Falcon,” Wade answered – hoping it would make it easier for the not so shockingly thick marine. “Oh, and I love my warship.” “I don’t ship.” Ajax shrugged. He saw no need to. “Cablepool, Winterpool, Cappool, Hawkpool – the one with Colossus, I forgot its name…” Wade counted on his fingers. “Thunderpool is kinda cute.” “You any idea what he’s on about?” Frank turned towards Ajax. “You don’t want to know, mate.” Ajax said with a sigh. “It’s a question about who you see yourself with.” “No one.” Frank answered shortly. He couldn’t be with anyone, because whoever got close to him ended up dead or worse. 

“Why so glum sugarplum?” Wade leaned forward. “What about Castlevania?” “Are you…” Frank was about to get fired up but by some miracle managed to compose himself. He cleared his throat and shifted. “Nevermind. The next question – “ Frank decided he best ignore the entire thing; he thought they were done with Castlevania. He was not to be ‘shipped’ as the kids called it – with Dracula. “Which muse is the kinkiest?” “Next!” Wade called – he was holding up his sign. “Me!” it read. And maybe that was the truth. Wade is into a lot of things, after all… “Which muse has the strangest kinks?” Frank read warily. Wade slammed his sign down on the table to grab everyone’s attention and held it up again. He pointed to it and looked between the other two; “Unless you want to list some kinks?” “Next.” Ajax nodded towards the screen. “You sure, Francis? I won’t kink shame. Maybe I could interest you in – “ “Next!” Ajax insisted. “Choose one muse and tell us how they lost their virginity.” Frank read. He thought perhaps they could draw straws or… “Rock papers scissors lizard Spock.” Wade said with remarkable speed and accuracy. 

“I lost mine to and older girl at one of the many orphanages I visited.” Ajax said flatly, wanting them to believe that it hadn’t really mattered.   “You’re so boring, Francis.” Wade pouted. “At least give us some details.” “It was quick, messy and left me wanting more.” Ajax squared his jaw. “Satisfied?” “Unlike you’ll ever be again; yes. Thank you. I’m touched, Francis.” Wade sniffed as if he was sincerely moved, whilst Frank hid a chuckle and shook his head, clearly relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans.

“Each of us have to share a random sex fact… I…” Frank rubbed the back of his neck. “I like it when the woman is on top of me, so I can see her pleasure and have her in control.” he admitted. Wade gave an approving nod. “I prefer to be the sub – to give up the control, but more often than not I’m taking it because I get impatient – I think. What about you Francis? Any sexy secrets about your preferences? Oh that’s right…” “I get off on watching others emotions. Pleasure – pain? Doesn’t matter.” Ajax admitted – his tone threatening. Wade gasped loudly and murmured ‘Sadist’ under his breath. Frank blinked and tilted his head slightly to the side – as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Remind me again why we haven’t killed this guy?” Frank asked Wade. “You tell me. Hey, Francis, would you like to hurt me a little – how about that, huh?” “Yes, how about that?” Ajax pushed off the wall, his eyes like pits of hell. Dark, angry. A far too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. 

Frank’s arm shot out – stopping the villain from getting too close. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Wade taunted him. “Yeah,” Ajax snarled – pressing against Frank’s hand. “If you could organise… Seriously who made up these questions? Are these,” Frank turned the laptop around, unable to mask how mortified he felt. “Are you behind these Wade? Because I swear to god…” “I can take the blame for a lot of things – but not that.” Wade pointed at the screen. “Finish the question. I’m curious now.” Frank sighed and tilted his head upwards, as if he was asking for patience. 

“Alright. Alright… Argh… God. If you could organise a threesome involving three of your muses, who would you choose? I guess this one isn’t for us. And… heaven forbid the three of us ever get put in a room together again. Because the next time? I won’t go easy.” Frank pushed Ajax so he fell back against the wall and stared threateningly at Wade. “Careful Frank, he might like it.” Wade taunted. Ajax pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He hated Wade for his ability to get to him.   “The next one is for her as well. What muse she’d like to write a ship for…” Frank shook his head again. “What the fuck’s up with all these damned boats? Anyway… I assume she’d like to try me out with Billy.” “Kinky.” Wade purred. “I’m already in quite a few ships. If we’re adding to… pfft.” Truth was, Wade was content with his situation, so it took some thinking. “A Nathan would be nice? And no ships for Francis. His ship sank the day he let Michael Jackson Dr. Killebrew fiddle with his body.” Wade clicked his tongue and winked at Ajax. 

“How can you possibly know – “ Ajax began – cut off by Frank as he read the next question. “What are some preferences when deciding whether or not to ship a muse?” Frank frowned at the screen. “Read the rules, play nice, write well – I don’t know.” Wade hummed in agreement.  “And don’t assume we’ll ship – I don’t know about the other two, but I’m picky.” “You? Picky?” Ajax scoffed and leered at him. “Do you get to be?” “Well – I can’t fuck all the people who’s bummed because you couldn’t get it up for them.” Wade fired back. 

Frank rubbed his face – considering shooting them both. Ajax wouldn’t feel it, but he could die. Wade would feel it and couldn’t die. What a trio they were… “Are you guys DONE bickering yet?” he sounded tiredly. “Never,” Wade answered as he breathed in. Ajax rolled his eyes. “I prefer missionary or the cowgirl or whatever it’s known as these days. I like the intimacy. The control or giving up of. I like to touch, to see…” Frank’s words grew with passion as he spoke. Wade blinked and looked at him. “What are you on about?” “The next question. I figured I might finish this on my own and get the hell out.” Frank was done with the bullshit.   “What was the question?” Wade put his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Headcanons, sex positions.” Frank scratched his cheek, and glanced up at Ajax. “You outta this one, too?”

“Against a wall… Or relentless teasing,” Ajax didn’t even get to finish before Wade corrected him; “Endless foreplay,” “To draw as much sound from the other part as possible.” Ajax blinked and turned slowly towards Wade. “What about you then, collared and on your knees begging for it?” 

“Actually that’s not that far from the truth. But I like a lot of things. Depends on my partner and whether I’m giving up control or not.” Wade shrugged. “How much time – “ Frank already began reading the next question. “ – none, then.” Wade sighed. “Has she written smut for you guys? Because that’s a no for me.” Frank didn’t take his eyes off the screen – this he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Ajax arched an eyebrow and cocked his head, Wade nodded vigorously. “I suppose neither of you know whether she prefers to write it or not?” Frank huffed and leaned back into his chair. “How are we supposed to answer these questions when they’re not even… yes… Wade?” Much to his surprise Wade has raised his hand. 

“Thank you. I happen to know that she don’t mind writing smut, but she has to feel comfortable with the person she’s writing it with.” “Multiship or singleship?” Frank turned to Ajax. He couldn’t stand the guy, but at least he’d had the decency to explain some of these things to him. “Is no ship an option?” Ajax smirked. It should be pretty clear at this point that he didn’t ship. “It is now. I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t ship with someone exclusively I think.” Frank grimaced at himself, as he was now using Tumblr and games own terms.   “Good call, Frank! For me it’s multiship all the way.” Wade drew a horizontal line in the air before him. “I’m not exclusive either.” “Huh, I think we just answered the next question. So… What is our shipping preferences? Weren’t we over that? Chemistry?” Frank thought that slow-burn sounded nice, but neither of the other guys seemed like the “slow burn” type. He didn’t know how wrong he was in his assumptions. “Yeah. What would you call my ship with Thanos? Because… that’s like… unhealthy. Toxic ships? I guess we’re semi into that? Aren’t we Francis?” Wade winked at him. Damn was he having a field day. Ajax on his end just shook his head and slammed his shoulders back against the wall. “What’s an OC?” Frank glanced up from the screen, relieved that they were close to done.  “Original character. We don’t really do those.” Wade knew that was frowned upon in the roleplaying community, but he didn’t give a shit. “I don’t know about you, but I have more than enough with the canon characters.” On most days, he actually had more than enough with himself. Ajax and Frank both seemed on board with that. 

“So,” Frank turned the laptop off and pulled the screen down. “That’s it. We’re done. Let’s never do it again.” his knees cracked as he stood up. 

“Or the next time we can get naked and –“ Wade began,  Frank pulled his gun and aimed it straight at his crotch. 

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” his voice was low, barely audible.  “You don’t want to shoot me, Francis might get off on it.” Wade kindly reminded him.  “Oh my fucking…” Frank rubbed his face and headed out of the room. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to make him forget. 

“Hey – are you off to kill someone? Do you have a team yet – hey Frank, wait up!” Wade picked up his swords and chased after the Punisher. Ajax sighed and pushed his shoulders down. Being around Wade always made him tense up. He rolled his head from side to side, then left through the back door – half expecting the two of them to be waiting to kill him.

If you made it this far, please let me know what you think. No, Frank didn’t kill Ajax. Yet.