#whatever totally meant to do that
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Honkaitober Prompt #2 - Memorial Arena
I’ve never actually gotten to fight SSS Benares, on the account of my subpar skills and allergy to rolling on the weapon and stigmata banners. Its so hard to find references of her. What, do I have to rip her model myself? (Please don’t sue me Mihoyo)
For my sanity I’m going to take it slow and consider the days as suggestions.
#honkaitober#honkai impact#benares#dragon#strategic cloud of data hiding parts I didnt bother to render go!#FUCK I FORGOT TO SWITCH ON A LAYER#whatever totally meant to do that
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Killing Daisuke’s parents but also like feeling so bad for them.
Imagine your kid absolutely devastated to have to be sent away to some shitty internship but you think it’s for the best. You don’t hear back from the company for a while and just think it’s gonna take a while. It’s a long trip after all. Then those long weeks turn to long months and then you get news they haven’t had contact with the crew in a long time. You don’t know if you’re ever gonna see your kid again.
You don’t know if he’s coming back from a trip he didn’t want to even go on. That you made him go on. I’d never forgive myself.
#thinking about autonomy and the concept of doing the right thing cause Daisuke really wasn’t meant to be there#like all the signs point to it but damn like not even he wanted to be there he was just acting brave for the adults around him#maybe Anya should’ve been concerned like how much of this was posturing from Daisuke#this also just confirms I’m writing him correctly in my fic cause I’m a genius but whatever I know I’m awesome like totally awesome 😎#mouthwashing#Daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing game
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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is this too niche.
aka i SWEAR i've seen a total drama life series art thing but when i went to go look for it i couldn't find any SOOOOOOO i made it myself
Bonus:
Alenoah as that one desert duo scene because i was stumped on who i should've drawn for that scene
#trafficblr#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#should i tag total drama too?#yeah sure whatever okay#total drama#noah td#alejandro td#alenoah#not really meant to be shippy but i can understand if it is taken that way#i will not be surprised if this kinda flops#7th grade total drama fixation came back and so obviously i melded it with my other favorite thing#eh they're both practically death games#if you do not fit into this niche but you found this i'm sorry but there is so much i need to explain if you don't get that second photo#and just so little time#my art
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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AU where Franka doesn't get approval for the transfer and instead has to cut and run to Rhodes Island alone. Liskarm just misses finding out and isn't able to follow. and then they reunite some years down the line for whatever reason, Franka happy at Rhodes Island but still a little lonely and Liskarm saying she's fine but being at Blacksteel for so long has made her colder and harsher and just plain miserable.
(it isn't all bad, she at least has Jessica and Vanilla, but they can't get under her skin the way Franka could. Liskarm swears that Franka would get under skin sometimes just to dig out the bad feelings.)
(and Franka has people. she's surrounded by people she cares about. operators cut from the same cloth as her, that will charge headlong into battle beside her. colleagues who will nag her about sleeping and eating and training and mission parameters. friends who will rag on her for her choice of reading material. but Liskarm was all of those things rolled into one. and she is not here)
#(for the purposes of this AU Vanilla and Jessica are with Liskarm at Blacksteel)#Liskarm's squad ending up on the landship for whatever reason#Liskarm seeing Franka out of the corner of her eye and just being knocked for six#their reunion would be an all out battle in an empty training room#other staff hearing about it and trying to intervene like ''what is this Blacksteel person doing to our beloved Franka''#Franka and Liskarm kick the shit out of each other but aren't able to actually talk because too many people watching#Vanilla and Jessica ''oh this is normal. this is normal! it's been 3 years but it's totally normal! don't worry!''#(it's really that trope of ''ex you still care about is doing good and you're miserable'' for Liskarm)#arknights tag#yeah I'll tag it#friskarm#if you ask me if this AU has a sad or happy ending. it has whatever ending you want#I do think Franka and Liskarm's relationship changed when they transferred to Rhodes Island together#because it was a silent admission that their partnership was no longer the result of circumstance#'we've been put together' to 'we're choosing to stick together'#so to lose that aspect of their relationship would be... interesting#also Franka has to slow down for Liskarm. Liskarm is /meant/ to curb Franka's reckless behaviour#so I like the idea that Franka at RI alone is even more reckless because she's not being properly challenged#she gels too well with some operators and it's so easy that it's terrifying#in the sense that combat becomes tunnel vision. which is not a good thing#I wrote more in the tags than the actual post..... this is normal for me
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you have a beautiful life ahead of you
I know, and I know it Will get better. It just feels soooo repetitive right now :// sigh. I dunno. All I really know is that I'm looking forward to the day things change. I dunno when that will be, but things Will change. And if it takes until I'm an adult, then so be it. It's only 3 years, really; and these past 15 have absolutely flown by.
#as much as i know everyone always says teen years are the best years#the main thing keeping me going is that im Really looking forward to being an adult#i know taxes and jobs and whatnot suck#but autonomy dude!!#itd be so awesome to just#i dunno#have an outing with my friends? or have them over?#decorate my apartment how i want#buy myself little treats here and there#im sure working sucks but at least you get paid! school doesnt pay shit. school makes ME pay; with my mental health#plus you get to Choose your job (to an extent)#and i guess im looking forward to not having to deal with CPS all the damn time#fuckkkk i hate my cps agent#its like she doesnt even hear me#whatever. not getting into that right now.#dont get me wrong; i do cherish these years#i like being a teen and everything. it is fun#i guess i just want a wee bit more autonomy#i love not having to pay bills or anything#but i also dont think id terribly mind doing that if it meant i got to make more of my own decisions#if this makes any sense#sorry im sure i sound like such a Rebellious Teenager#also sorry i was totally rambling there#askk!!
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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“Why would LB call her magic system science? Why is she afraid of magic?” She did it for me specifically. The hot stem girly. (READ MY TAGS BOY)
#me explaining how a tailor on parem could potentially make someone a new limb#like tailors are a cross between the materialike boys and corporal girls#(last part is meant to be read as that p!atd lyric)#specifically alkemi and healers right#so what I’m thinking is that if they pulled the minerals from the earth and collagen from a body or something#and in ck we see that genya in fact has a jar of straight up cells right#so hypothetically pulling the natural substances from the earth or something and body ones from wherever#maybe potentially they could manage to recreate and arm#the nerves are what’s kinda throwing me off but AGAIN cell jar it’s totally possible#grishaverse#BUT ALL OF THIS IS TO SAY THAT A NORMAL GRISHA COULD NEVER DO THIS#that is completely out of their skill set even w the self healing boost right#creating entirely new organic matter would tip into merzost right#or whatever#ALSO I do believe a healer/corporal thing (not trained like zoya in kos) couldn’t do that#they need to be able to have some material powers SPECIFICALLY the alkemi ones#cuz that’s like chemistry yknow right#I think at least idk I just call them the powder ones lmao#anyways cuz like tailors are specifically mentioned to be rare cuz they’re like a mix#and it’s special training right#so again I think maybe if the wound was fresh enough and you had a coked up genya#you could potentially craft new organic matter#obviously creative liberties are being taken there’s a fucking dragon#god forbid there be some magic bs in this theory#but yeah I just needed to get that out there#my scientific mind has been feeling malnourished lately
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i absolutely do not vibe at all with any red hood steph concept ive ever seen because fucking nobody engages with it in any depth its just 🤔🤔 steph is basically the same as jason right? people who dont like jason online say so so it must be true~
like i need you first of all to walk back several steps and understand two major things about utrh and stephanie brown here. the first is that steph got into crime fighting in the first place bc she wanted to ~spoil~ the crimes of her c-list supervillain father. the second is that the core of the tragedy of the red hood is that batman is supposed to be his fucking dad.
so if you do want to do a red hood stephie concept here which. to be clear is not something i am INHERENTLY opposed to. you have a couple options to make it potentially coherent but you need to actually be deliberate and clear about what youre trying to do with that concept. you need to step away from jasons tragedy and look at hers and figure out where exactly her anger and hurt are coming from and who exactly theyre directed at, as well as what specifically in your au concept it would be so different than the canon one where when she comes back she wants to do pretty much the opposite of what jason wanted when *he* came back.
and. crucially. if the difference is the relationship she has to bruce being different you actually do need to show not tell that dude. im sorry but if you just *tell* me that in your universe that steph has a more deep and meaningful relationship to bruce i 100% always am like "ill believe it when i fucking see it". like, she has parents of her own and while that doesnt preclude having a more signficant relationship with bruce (see: timmy)... you really do have to do the legwork or it looks like youre just writing them out and asking us to take your word for it that Of Course steph wants bruce to adopt her, hes batman! gag, retch, spew. do notdo this.
FRANKLY in a reverse robins concept i vibe way more with steph as red robin than anything specifically her getting the dumpster costume from whoever you do put in the red hood role. (frankly x2 i still think if they really truly had to do the storyline they did in canon where shes still trying to do bruces dirty work for him and hires assassins to kill tim to ~make him better~ lmao she should have been the one who wore the Bad Robin uniform before tim got it instead of fuckin ulysses i just think it would have been more coherent and also funner for me personally)
anyway if you link me a red hood steph concept here and it sucks or does any of the things i Just finished critiquing i will be very irritated and i will not be polite to you about it. just as a fair warning.
#still kind of mad about this one time the topic came up and someone linked me a rh steph bc 'shes so sexy in it'#i was like bestie does the term gay man mean anything to you. and they were like#'oh sorry im asexual so i forgot that when some people say sexy it means they want to Fuck them'#...#like can you walk me through any of your logic here. why sexy was the adjective you used in the first place instead of like#'interesting'. 'compelling.' 'charismatic' even#why are you acting like im the weird one for assuming you meant attractive or swoonworthy being the main draw of the character.#why am i supposdly the one who made it about whether or not *either of us* wants to fuckthe fictional character. i wasnt even thinking that#i truly madly deeply did not assume anything more than that you meant attractive when you said attractive#lmfao.#this wasnt even the only time that shit has happened to me. please do not do this.#i would love to say with confidence 'you wouldnt say shit like that to a lesbian about sexy men' but frankly i do have a sinking feeling+#that they would#whatever. none of that was the fucking point#the point is jasons evil era doesnt work if u just copypaste it on steph shes a totally different character the context is totally differen#text#dc#steph text
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#when you actually look at the recipes they're not even that weird or anything I just find the names interesting#there's one just titled ''Rocks'' which I wish would have fit as another option but I used all the spaces lol#Also some of the recpies from the section 'Cookery For The Sick And Convalescent'#are just like 'apple water'' 'beef essence''#I tried to leave out most of the obvious ''weird'' ones like 'jellied shrimp' or potted pigeon or like beef livers or whatever#except for cold fish pudding which I just like because of the specifics#'fish pudding' ? eh sounds normal. 'COLD fish pudding' ? now it sounds funnier for some reason#like what else is it meant to be.. ?? lukewarm fish pudding#Also considered including 'bread queen' 'cracker queen' and 'egg balls'#the name 'baconized meat balls' is funny but also I felt it would skew the reuslts since everyone likes bacon#and would just choose that lol. I also like 'rummage pickle' and 'Creamy Eggs Basket Style'#Which again are all like. relatively totally normal recipes but the way they choose to phrase the titles can sound silly#Like ''rocks'' just seems like some sort of cookie maybe - with currants and raisins in it (not really an oatmeal cookie#but just .. idk.. ?? maybe little balls with fruit in them) but instead of being like 'Raisin & Currant Treats' or whatever#it's like ''yeah lets just call this ''rocks''. like a rock from the ground? yeah'#ANYWAY#Love old books so much.. I should do another one of these where people choose which product is the best out of#all the various weird things shown in the advertising section of the 1880s magazines I have lol#I dont remember clearly but I swear there was like 'Electric shoe!' or something strange. I dont know if I could find enough#though since most of them are just normal like.. buying furniture or things like that#aNYWAY.. hgh.. again I am not just going to post polls forever I do have other things I'm working on lol#I have low energy right now and polls are a lot easier to make than like editing 30 costume photos lol#I have a physical therapy appointment soon hopefully and maybe I can sort out some of the Constant Pains and such
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#huntclaire#i was going to reblog this from the source but i didn't want to ramble in their mentions. this will be long#i've been thinking about this post for some days now and i couldn't write why it fit huntclaire so well but i think i can now#i like huntclaire because i do believe they bring out the best of each other but mostly. they bring out the worst of each other#<- and i think that's good. for their (eventual) relationship and for their individual characters#i think before hunt and claire can have a relationship they need to engage with each other in a sincere way. and they do not do that.#they are incapable of that. they're both stuck in their ideas of themselves/each other that they are simply blind to the reality of things#they are both... extremely flawed human beings. as we all are. but they're too self-important to realise that. which is another flaw#hunt thinks His arrogance is a virtue (delusional). claire thinks she's humble (also delusional).#both are very fond of pointing flaws in other people while being unaware of their own. they cannot TALK with each other as long as they#think like this. hunt needs to get over himself and claire needs to know herself#i must make you aware of things you do not see. unsure if it's meant to be taken just in a positive sense but i'm user wesposting#it's good when your partner challenges your idea of things. and i think these are two individuals that need to be constantly challenged#hunt needs someone to tell him to his face that he's kind of a dick sometimes. and claire needs someone to point out the flaws in her logic#they need to be questioned challenged they need to stop and think about themselves. they need to be wrong. only then they can be sincere#they need to be wrong and wrong again and then again. conflict between them is what moves them forward as characters#most of all they annoy each other so much because they see so much of themselves in one another. but acknowledging that is uncomfortable#it's uncomfortable to know yourself through the other#claire's case is interesting because she feels a ucs. Need to make hunt like her. but she's terribly unaware of what makes her unlikeable#<- she's fallen for her own façade. she needs to stop and dig through her bugs.#alsolol i like how both of them are hypocritical. i think it's fun when characters have double standards. i think they suck. but i like the#anyway i must make you aware of the things you do not see. there's things about each other that they also do not see. at first#when they are sincere. when they. Talk. hunt learns claire is not That brash and she can be very insightful when she wants to. does she kno#that? and like i Guess hunt can be caring sometimes even if he's like totally annoying and weird about it. whatever. does he know that?#the artist sees good and bad. they must also see the good and the bad in each other. i think.
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You know, it bothers me the way it seems like people have totally forgot about Iranians... thought we were all on the same page, wasn't it... women, life, freedom? (I legit don't remember, but the reason for that is it wasn't my slogan to say. Maybe it sounds strange, but that's how I felt, so I never actually wrote it, which makes it harder to remember)
Just feels like for a brief window there we were all talking big talk about supporting them, but then it all kinda dried up
I'll be totally transparent about one of the reasons this keeps coming up for me, russia is a major ally of Iran, Iran supplies the kamikaze drones russia hits civilians with... you know they're not giving them away for free... I worry what the Iranian government uses anything it gets to do... I don't really hear anything from Iranians anymore (though once again I fully admit that most of what I was hearing was second hand, I never had found an Iranian to directly follow... I don't know if anyone's still talking)
I just... I legit worry that people talk a big game about Gaza right now, but will they in a year?
I'm frustrated because a lot of the support people and causes around the world get seems like it's almost more self masturbatory than anything real... sure, everyone really well and truly means it, but then they get bored and it's on to a new cause
So I worry the support will be fleeting... and I see some people really getting down in the mud in ways... well, I'm not a people keeper, I don't get to tell people what to do, but I wouldn't be very pleased if I was acting the way I see some people act and my real point is I worry they're doing all this shit and they're not even gonna stick it out with the cause... seen people get bored and dip to many times to trust it
I'm not perfect... I have a shit memory a lot of the time, and I got a lot on my mind, but I still remember Hong Kong... at least sometimes... even looked into it from time to time and the news never looks good
I remember the Uyghurs, though my shit spelling always makes me look it back up. I think about Syria and how forgotten they are. I do actually still keep up with Ukraine... and then I see connections between russia and Iran and assad and...
I don't know... this stuff eats a me a little... not a lot, not more than the helplessness we all feel about bad things beyond our control usually does... I just worry about people, how they act with shit
Worry that you roll around in the mud too long it starts getting hard to wash off, and I worry that people sometimes get in the mud less cause they're trying to help anything and more cause sometimes it feels good to have an excuse to get dirty... righteous anger that makes any behavior permissible
I don't talk about current events that are on everyone's radar nonstop cause I don't want to burn support out by just overloading people with horror... but I generally find murdering innocent people to be a bad thing, so yeah... I want to see a fucking ceasefire already
Don't talk about it, but I actually do care quite a bit... and I worry... I worry that it'll be forgotten the second the news cycle moves on like everything else is
Worry that every bit of vile behavior I've seen that was for high minded goals will turn out to be dropped in an instant...
Almost like that's not a bug, that's just the point
#sorry; no reblogs for this one... I'm not letting someone 5 reblogs outside my sphere start going on about something insane#I don't like talking politics and I don't like talking discourse#both to keep things civil and cause frankly I don't need the stress of arguing with people online#not when I don't think it'll be a good faith conversation; when I don't think it's a disagreement in how to make things better#just that I need to totally agree with everything they say; and really they just like arguing#but certain things eat at me... the way people act eats at me#and seriously; I mean every word; it eats at me every time I think about how forgotten this stuff seems#I think people meant their support; but where is it now?#I don't think I've seen Iran mentioned in like a year#I don't know how to help... believe me; if I could play Captain America and save the day I would#if I could give Iranians the freedom they asked for I would in a heartbeat#I don't know how... not like congress listens to me or I'd change a lot#kill that kosa bill or whatever the horrible acronym is... sent one of those auto email things about it but.. just one voice#lot I'd change... wish I had energy to do more#you know; friend of mine often talks about this group in Iraq that's faced a lot of genocide; she's American but she's worked with them#love if I could do more to help there too... reblog when she says stuff though I know we all have limited bandwidth#I don't know... it bothers me though... it's like we're led around by the nose when the news cycle changes#not saying not to care about what's happening now; but when the other stuff didn't stop happening...#and then there's the fact that frankly even people I like a great deal; absolutely adore...#I see them... slipping... getting into some nasty behavior... and I worry#but I doubt they'd listen much... the times I try to nudge don't seem to get much results#and if someone won't listen pushing harder does nothing#...who's to say I even know a thing? that my morality isn't broken in ways I can't see?#but I worry... I worry about people... I worry how easy it is to manipulate good and smart people I know#and I worry about everyone that we seem to keep forgetting#worry a whole lot; a lot of the time... about policy and international relations and about who we're choosing to be as people#but would you believe this is just background stuff for my depression?#this is just the seasoning for why I should blow my brains out; it's rarely why I say I should#in spite of all that worry it's not even the main thing that makes me want to die... just stuff I can gesture to and be like... that too#I'm tired... wish I could... wish I could tell the people I see slipping to grow up... to step up... but I don't think I can
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what is it called when your mother still tries to guilt you into feeling like shit about not wanting to spend hours and hours at random family events when you are a fully grown adult with other obligations and priorities
asking for a friend
#she planned a labor day cookout for the first time maybe ever?????#and i was like ok yeah sure whatever we'll be there#older brother & sister + their respective spouses and MANY children all backed out last minute#i told my husband last night that this was no big deal very casual so if he wants he can go fishing with his friends today instead#my mom just called me to bitch about the fact that now it's just going to be like 10 of us at this cookout#which meant i also had to break the news about the husband also not being there#and she flipped out and was like well if you have something more important to do it's fine! you don't have to come!#so i get an earful about how rude it is to back out of coming to something at the last minute#even though i am only not bringing one person#and my older siblings are not bringing a total of.........10 people?????#personal#just type 2 mother things#love being the middle youngest child because she still thinks i am a child who she can berate but would literally never do to the older sib
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Hi Jammy! Should we hope for some ficlet chapter today/tomorrow??👀
Yes! 🤗
I have planned only writing today, so I should get things done! 😊
#also everyone a round of kudos to my amazing boyfriend who created me a comfortable writing set up#im usually not a fan of writing while laying somewhere i prefer sitting#which hurts after a short while thanks to my fucked up back#he got extra plushy pillows and he arranged them in a way where i am half sitting half laying#sitting enough so i can write but laying down enough so my back can rest and is not hurting so fast#i just wanted to share this because im still so touched ♥♥♥#and yes yes to some it may seem like a small thing to do and not important or whatever but for me it meant the world#my mental health was really bad and i struggled so much with everything and he just supported me in the best way possible#he was already so supportive when i beat myself up and felt so down for taking a break because of my back#and then when i told him about my struggling with my back while writing#and he literally was like alright ill find a solution AND HE DID ♥♥♥#girls guys everyone...never settle for someone who doesnt love you and gives a flying fuck about you#youre not asking too much#partners who genuinely care and love and support like that exist in real life#and yes he also randomly checks in on me while i write and brings me snacks and something to drink#and is totally chill with having alone time while i write#not once he got angry for me disappearing for hours behind my screen or something#instead he is always super supportive and sweet and happy for me when i tell him about my writing
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hey are you a terf ? you've been reblogging stuff from radfems ...
No, I'm not a terf, I support trans people 100%. Also terfs are uncomfortably cozy with the alt-right and that's uhhh... a whole other layer of awful.
But I think I may be following a secret terf? Tumblr keeps showing me these posts that are like "liked by someone you're following!" And I follow 4k people so I'm not like. Keeping track of anyone but my mutuals. And some of the posts tumblr shows me are obviously terfy which makes me go HMMMM but then some of them seem fine? So it's hard for me to tell the difference between "posts tumblr reccomends me that are normal and in line with the regular leftist and feminist things I'm into" vs like "posts tumblr reccomends me because they're liked by whatever secret terf I'm following and have suspicious undertones that aren't immediately obvious to me". I'm certainly not intentionally following any terfs or following anyone who publicly identifies as a terf* or puts terf shit on my dash but I'm apparently following someone who doesn't blog about terf shit but LIKES terf shit (and I think it might be a fandom blog so that makes it harder to identify) and then those likes show up on my dash and it's not always obvious that it's terf shit or from a radfem blog-- it's just a random posts from a url I don't know. And sometimes the posts themselves are fine on the initial read.
So pls let me know what the radfem blogs in question are so I can identify and remember them if they pop up on my dash again
*caveat that I've been on this website for 10+ years and follow 4,000+ people and it's theoretically possible that a blog I followed multiple years ago that I never see on my dash now publicly identifies as a terf, but I'm not gonna go through all 4k of my following to try and find out if any of them have become publicly shitty in a way that doesn't affect my dash in the years since I've followed them. People get unfollowed as they bring shitty views to my attention. Hence the conundrum with the undercover terf bc they don't post terf shit, they just like it.
#*but how do you not immediately recognize terf dogwhistles!* you may ask#well. I've found when it comes to any toxic community like terfs or antivaxxers or incels or qanon or antisemitic leftists or WHATEVER#familiarizing myself with the discourse to the point that I'm An Expert In All The Secret Signals is uhhh...#pretty corrosive for my mental health#I'd much rather know Enough to recognize more obvious and popular talking points but otherwise stay a billion feet away#knowing all the Secret Signals involves an engagement with the nuance of their arguments that i am simply not mentally capable of#like it is Too Distressing#and I've found that as long as i can still recognize the more well-known signs of toxicity and steer clear...#i usually successfully avoid coming into contact with the toxicity#and like. I don't think my disabled friend's lives would be better by me becoming an expert in horrific eugenicist arguments and their lingo#nor do I think my trans friends lives would be improved by me becoming an expert on terf language and arguments#total respect for people who do for the purposes of fighting the good fight and warning everyone else#but couldn't be me. I'm sensitive and any amt of cruelty virtriol and toxicity just really Affects me#and my parents are qanon conspiracists so I'm already over the limit from being forced to hear abt whatever new#horrible conspiracy is going thru qanon every week. last week it was that i should Stockpile Food for Sept and Oct bc#Something Might Happen and i should be prepared#and don't i know masks are poisoning the american people? 🙄#anyway props to people who know how to spot a terf from 100 ft based on how they walk#but it doesn't click for me until they open their mouths and start saying gender essentialist shit#(like. when i joined reddit in college I didn't know *gender critical* meant *terf* and was horrified to find out)#so no I don't have every radfem blog memorized so would appreciate warnings abt them#I've mostly been fairly happy in my non-hate-group tumblr bubble#asks
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