#whatever he tells me on this will affect the next entire year of my life. wish me luck

[makerscockandballs]

the dreaded phone call

[thatchickwiththecamera]

Halloooo angel - For requests I was wondering if you could write crew!reader who has an anxiety attack in the green room where the band is. They’re at the venue, and she spots her ex in the crowd. All the boys happen to be there and doing whatever they can think of to try and help calm her down. You know, Jolly being a dad, both the Nicks being soft lil beans, Noah going from “should we kick him out” to “he’s a fan of the band? how mad would he be if he thought you were dating the lead singer?” and poking the bear

Hey! Thank You for the request! This was an interesting one to sit down and write! It took a little longer than I expected! I hope you like it!

Any and all feedback is appreciated! Enjoy!

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!

Check out my other writing here: MASTERLIST

Little White Lies

Y/N rushed down the hallway backstage frantically trying to follow the signs that Matt had hung that morning directing where the various rooms were located inside tonight's venue. She mentally begged her legs to move faster as she began to feel the familiar tightness in her chest take over.

She had been the bass tech for Bad Omens for a little over two years at this point. Meaning she was charged with making sure everything with Nicholas’ collection of instruments were cared for and ready to go the second he needed to walk on stage. She had just finished up her final pre-show check when she decided to take a quick peek at the house before the support band started their set. 

As she scanned the crowd she felt like the oxygen was sucked from her lungs when her eyes fell on a familiar face standing amongst the other guests in the VIP section. 

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. She mentally cursed. How is he here? Why is he here? 

Jared, her ex-boyfriend, was at a Bad Omens show and standing next to him was the same girl that Y/N found him in bed with on the day she came home from tour the year prior. Almost four years of her life had been wasted on this asshole that, come to find out, had been cheating on her for over a year and a half. 

He then had the audacity to try and gaslight and manipulate her into thinking that the cheating was somehow all her fault because she was gone on tour all the time. She wishes she could say it hadn’t worked, but it did and at her lowest point she had considered giving up on her dream job entirely. The mental and emotional manipulation affected her for a long time after the breakup. She had felt like her entire world was crumbling around her and thankfully her touring family stepped up to rally around her when she needed it most. 

Alana and the boys helped her move out of the house she and Jared had shared and Matt even flew in from Texas to help Noah, Jesse, and Jolly get her set up in a house that was for rent only a few doors down the street from their own. She cut off all contact with Jared and hadn’t seen him since the day he dared to show his face while they were packing the last of her things.

He promised to keep his distance while she moved out but then showed up anyway and stirred shit up with the boys. Which resulted in Alana and Noah having to physically hold Jolly back and keep him from trying to take a swing at Jared’s smug face before he finally walked out of the door and out of Y/N’s life for good. Or so she thought. 

When she found the door labeled “Bad Omens Dressing Room” she quickly slipped inside and nearly collapsed onto the couch. All commotion in the room ground to a halt as the boys looked at the panicked expression etched across their friend’s face as she struggled to control her breathing. Nicholas quickly recognized what was happening and crossed the room, kneeled on the floor in front of her and grabbed her hands within his own. 

“Hey…Hey, Y/N…look at me.” He said with a soft yet firm voice and Y/N looked up, connecting Y/E/C eyes with the familiar bright hue of her friend’s.

“There we go. I need you to try and take a deep breath and tell me five things you can see,” he said, ���can you do that for me?” 

She nodded, taking a shaky breath, before listing out things she saw scattered around the green room. 

Jolly’s guitar. A case of water. A ski mask. Folio’s drum pad. Noah’s laptop. 

“Good. Good,” Nicholas responded. “Now four things you can feel.”

She took another breath. Each one feeling slightly more steady than the last. 

Nicholas’ hands. Her AAA crew card on the lanyard around her neck. The cold water bottle Folio had pressed to the back of her neck. The radio attached to her hip that looped across the back of her shoulders. 

“Good,” he continued. “Three things you can hear.”

The music from the bluetooth speaker on the table. The support band playing their set. Matt’s voice on the crew radio. 

“Two things you can smell.”

Cigarettes and Cologne. 

“One thing you can taste” 

Spearmint toothpaste. 

“Better?” He asked. She replied with a nod.

“What happened?” he inquired. “You haven’t had a panic attack like that in a while.” 

She proceeded to tell them about her spotting Jared in the crowd, who he was with, and the section where he was standing. 

They were not only pissed off about him daring to show his face at one of their shows. They were trying to figure out why he was even here to begin with. He never showed any interest in the band or attending one of their shows while he and Y/N were together. So why now was he suddenly a Bad Omens fan?

Jolly being Jolly wanted to tell Ash to have security kick him out of the venue, VIP or no VIP, and Noah initially agreed with him until a new idea came to mind. 

“Wait, he’s VIP. Which means he’ll probably be at that weird meet and greet thing the venue wants us to do after the show…” He stated. “Why don’t we have some fun with this asshole?”

“I don’t know Noah, I don’t think he’s worth all this.” Y/N said. Not wanting the guys to waste their time or energy on Jared of all people. 

“Oh no no no, this piece of shit has the audacity to show up at one of our shows after what he did to you?” Noah replied. “We’re going to at least make him squirm in the process.” 

“Okay, so, what’s your plan then?” Y/n questioned with a defeated sigh.  

He paused. Pondering. 

“How pissed do you think he’d be if he thought you were dating one of us now?” Noah suggested. A humorous glint in his eye. 

“Oh, he’d probably be furious.” She replied nonchalantly, before also pausing, a grin started to form on her face. “Say more…”

Noah continued and explained the rest of his master plan and how to execute it. 

Y/N was intrigued and a little worried about whether she would be able to pull it off or not. Noah was one of her best friends and someone she definitely felt very comfortable around so he was the natural choice in being her fake boyfriend. 

After the show Y/N started her regular post show duties breaking down her work space and packing up the bases, guitars, pedals, along with all the miscellaneous pieces and parts into their respective road cases for the rest of the crew to load onto one of the massive trailers the band now used. She had just gotten that done and the cases rolled out to the loading dock, when she heard Noah call her name and motion for her to join him. 

As she made her way toward him, she acted oblivious to the fact that Jared and his friend were standing at the back of the small group of people waiting to talk to the band. But judging by the burning stare she felt hitting her back, he definitely noticed her. 

Noah held out his arm toward her after they bid the most recent person goodbye. While the guys chatted with the next person, he pulled her into his side and planted a tender kiss on her temple. 

He leaned his mouth toward her ear and whispered, “They looking at us?” 

“Yep” she said with a nod, faking a giggle at a non-existent joke, before looking up at him with a grin. 

His brown eyes glowed, even in his tired state, as he stared down at her. They stood there for a few beats, just staring at each other, smiling like idiots before Noah started tickling her side. She quickly tried to squirm away but he pulled her even closer.  

“I think that should do it.” He said, pulling her into a full hug before placing one final kiss on her forehead, “We can handle the rest, go do what you need to do for load out.” 

He gave her one more quick squeeze before she slipped out of his arms and walked back toward the stage to help the guys finish packing up. Smile still plastered on her face. 

Noah turned to the next group of people to meet the band, but not without catching a glimpse of Jared standing at the back. Anger building in his expression, his little friend standing there completely oblivious. 

When the fan they were chatting with turned their attention more toward one of the other band members. Noah took the opportunity to make eye contact with Jared who was fuming. The expression on Noah’s face grew more serious as he held their stare. It said, I remember you, I remember what you did, and you will never come near her again. Almost daring him to try something. His face sent a very clear message to the unwanted VIP. 

She’s mine, Bitch.

[sailoryooons]

hiiii :3 i’m a VERY silent reader (i’m terrified of my irls finding me on this god forsaken app) but i just love your writings so much so i had to participate in the agust event!!!!

childhood bffs yoongi x reader smut where they’re definitely probably too close, way closer than bffs should be anyways. reader goes to yoongi one night complaining bc no matter what she does, she just can’t cum! good thing yoongi’s actions speak louder than words <3

pls pls pls get totally creative w this, i love ur brain sm and i love seeing what you come up with!!!

❀ Pairing: Yoongi x f. reader

❀ Summary: Yoongi has always been your closest friend, but it’s always been a little closer than everyone else. He takes it one step further, offering to address a silly little problem for you. 

❀ Word Count: 2,320

❀ Genre: Friends to something more, PWP 

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately. 

❀ Warnings: Explicit language, some feelings of insecurity but like barely, talking about orgasm struggles, explicit sexual content including vaginal fingering, nipple stimulation, a hint of choking, a lot of sucking on neck/throat, nipple play, mostly reader getting finger blasted sdfnodsifgj, reader is completely naked and Yoongi is still clothed, mentions of oral (f. receiving), a little bit of cum eating

❀ Published: August 23, 2022

❀ A/N: Okay so this was supposed to be posted way earlier than 10:30 PM EST but I completely forgot I had this sitting and waiting to post (it was a long day) but HERE IT IS!!! I love the idea of Yoongi casually just being like yeah I’ll get you to come or whatever, let’s do it sdfjdfogijdfrgi thank you so much for being a reader and requesting something - silent or talkative reader, I'm just happy you're here and that you enjoy my writing! Thank you for being here.

❀ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

| Masterlist | Ask | Hali’s Happy Agust |

“You what?” You ask Yoongi, breath shaky. “Don’t play around like that, it’s not very funny.”

It’s rare that you can’t tell if Yoongi is making a joke or not. Though his humor is quiet like the night sky outside and soft like the sweater he’s draped in, you know Yoongi. Know him well enough to detect the subtle notes of a joke in his hushed words, know to listen amid the loud voices of your friends for a quiet jest, spoken softly just for you. 

Now, though, you’re a little unsure. 

Everyone has said for years that your friendship with Yoongi is too friendly. You vehemently disagree: affection between friends should be encouraged and treasured. Being able to platonically hold hands, share beds, and offer physical affection isn’t something reserved for lovers. You adamantly believe in this - always have. 

But… it is different with Yoongi. You think about how you always hold Taehyung’s hand, how you let him curl into your side during movies, or how he nests in your bed when he grows too tired for parties. Taehyung is particularly affectionate, but it does feel different.

“Let me make you cum,” Yoongi repeats, as though he’s reflecting on the weather outside. He’s on his knees on the couch next to you, hands resting in his lap. “No one should have to go through their adult life without partners making them cum.”

You roll your eyes. “Plenty of people can’t cum for a number of reasons, Yoongi.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Let me try anyway.”

“Why do you care?”

He tilts his head. “Because you’re you. And I’m good at making people cum. It feels like an obvious answer.”

“We’re best friends.”

“My point exactly. Look, if I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry, I-”

You shake your head and wave him off. “No, I just. Didn’t expect the offer and it made me nervous.”

“Nervous how?”

Letting out a long exhale, you rest your head on the back of the couch and look up at the ceiling. Your warm mug of tea is abandoned and the drama on the TV plays on, silent in the background. You chew the inside of your cheek, wondering how to string your words together. 

With anyone else, you’d feel embarrassed or nervous. With Yoongi, your anxiety is significantly less. Even if you speak the words on your mind, you’re sure it won’t change things. You’ve been through your fair share of oversharing, never shamed, never turned away. 

It’s how you started this conversation about your sex life in the first place.

So you decide to be honest. 

“Nervous like, I’m into it and I want to try it out, but I don’t want it to make our dynamic weird.” 

“It’s not weird for me if it’s not weird for you. I’m sorry I offered so bluntly.” 

Your lips twitch and you reach out, taking his hand in yours. Yoongi has beautiful hands. Long fingers with knobby knuckles, blunt nails and gentle fingertips, calloused palms. You’ve mapped the structure of his palm hundreds of times, know the shapes of the lines on them, and watched a palm reader chart the stars on them. 

Yoongi’s hands are where you’re safest. 

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t violate a boundary.” His mouth is soft when he smiles, his eyes are dark when he watches you. He’s so pretty. A soft thing with round cheeks, kind eyes, and gentle smiles. Quiet. Confident. “You really wanna try?” 

Yoongi’s grin turns feral. “I do.” 

“Alright.”

It starts with him leading you to your room, hand holding yours gently. It starts with a shy smile and hungry eyes, Yoongi watching you as you sit on the edge of your bed, unsure and giving him a questioning gaze. His hands are confident when he makes you move backward, shuffling until you’re in the middle of your bed on your back. 

Yoongi joins you on the bed, kneeling next to you. He watches as he reaches out, brushing his fingertips over your thigh. His touch is featherlight, making you shiver. He doesn’t do anything but this at first, tracing the shape of your clothed hip, up the sides of your rips, under the curve of your breast. 

Your breath catches, fixated on Yoongi as he outlines your curves. His eyes flicker to your face, drinking in your expression when he draws his fingers over the swell of your tits and over your nipple. The stimulation is barely there but it spikes. You inhale sharply and he smirks as he keeps going, brushing over your throat, and under your jaw, feeling your pulse. 

“Pretty,” he murmurs. He takes you by the chin, thumb pulling at your bottom lip. “What do you like?” 

It’s hard to answer. Yoongi’s hand leaves your mouth and trails back down to your neck. He wraps his fingers around your throat but doesn’t squeeze. It’s a barely-there ghost of a grip and he raises his eyebrow. You nod, unable to string together an answer. He squeezes gently before continuing his exploration downward again.

Your tongue is heavy in your mouth. This Yoongi is one you’ve never experienced. He’s quiet as always, but the silence is heavier. Pointed. He bites his bottom lip a little as he passes your stomach and dips between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. 

“Yeah?” he asks when your hips twice. 

You feel heat lick through you, pooling between your legs. Your fingers twist in the sheets in anticipation. Heat pulses from your pussy, panties getting damp and Yoongi’s has barely touched you. It’s the way he looks at you, the way he presses his thumb against your swelling clit. 

“Yeah,” you breathe, voice watery. “I’m pretty into it.”

“I can tell,” he teases. He leans down, keeping one hand between your legs, gently applying pressure and circling his fingers as his lips search for yours. “You’re already wet, huh?”

Yoongi doesn’t let you answer. His lips capture yours and you sigh into his mouth, hands coming up automatically to wrap around his neck. It feels so natural. His hair is soft between your fingers and his mouth is warm, tasting faintly of the peppermint tea he drank earlier. 

Kissing Yoongi is heady. He controls the kiss, keeping the pace slow as if he’s savoring you. Your thighs close around his hand as he presses through your shorts harder. When he introduces his tongue to your mouth, it takes your breath away. 

Breaking the kiss, Yoongi mouths at your jaw. You arch into him, running your hands down his chest, feeling the warm skin beneath his sweater. One of your hands goes to his wrist pressed into the mattress by your head, holding onto him, the other goes to his hand between your legs, laying your fingers on his, pressing.

He hums, the buzz of his mouth against the underside of your jaw maddening. Together, you peel your shorts down your legs. Yoongi shuffles closer to you, your thigh pressed against his as he continues to kneel next to you, heat radiating from his body.

Yoongi traces the trim of your panties. You watch him, your mouth parted as you breathe unsteadily. He is solely focused on you. You can feel the slick sticking to the silk, watching as he drags a finger near your hip, his touch tantalizing. 

Maybe this is what you were missing. Yoongi takes his time, dragging out the feeling of his hands on you. Works you up as he removes your shirt and bra next. You feel drunk on him already, nipples pebbling in the cold room. His nails scratch lightly up your stomach to your chest. He smirks as he traces slow, lazy circles around your nipples, eyes glancing up to watch your expression. 

“Why?” you ask, hissing at the light stimulation. You want more. 

“No one is in a rush,” he mutters. His voice is low, raspy. “Are you?”

When you shake your head, he smiles, pinching a nipple between two fingers. A curse drips from your mouth and your hips buck. You close your eyes, letting Yoongi tweak one nipple then the other, letting him guide you through. The stimulation feels good - otherworldly, even, when he bends down and flicks the tip of his tongue over one playfully. 

“No,” you sigh. “Not in a rush.” 

His teeth scrape your sensitive bud and your head rolls back, pushing into the mattress. “Good. Relax, let me take care of you.”

Tension melts out of your body. You didn’t realize you were so tense until he pointed it out. You let yourself sink into the feeling of Yoongi sucking gently on the peak of your right nipple while his thumb brushes back and forth over the other. The stimulation feels good, your head lolling to the side as you breath shakily. 

Yoongi is slow. He takes his time running his tongue across your chest, air cooling is spit as he goes. You squeeze your thighs together, feeling your cunt throb for attention. He notices, nipping his way back up to your neck as he slides a hand down between your legs, pressing your panties into your sticky folds. 

“Fuck,” you sigh. He nuzzles your neck, tongue swipe over the sensitive spot of your throat. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this fucking wet.”

“Good.” His words are muffle as he sucks at your tender skin. You angle your head, giving him better access. It feels like the bed is spinning wildly, a compass lost in an electromagnetic field. “Tell me at any point if something doesn’t feel good or you want something else.”

“Okay.”

You open your eyes and smile. It’s so Yoongi to make sure he asks what you want. So Yoongi to remind you that he’s here for you. That as he slips his hand under the waistband of your underwear, he’s determined to provide for you. To get you off. 

A moan slips out of your mouth when it comes into contact with your dripping cunt. He avoids touching your clit directly, fingers spreading your folds as he teases your hole experimentally. It feels good - whether it’s because it’s Yoongi or because you’re already worked up, it doesn’t matter. 

Yoongi circles around your clit deftly a few times, making your hips wiggle. A tingle settles in your stomach, fingers twisting in the sheets.

When he retracts his hand, you open your eyes. He watches you steadily lifting his fingers to pop them between pink lips and oh. He hums around his fingers, making a show of rolling his tongue around them, tasting your juices. He slides them slowly out of his mouth, hypnotizing you. 

“Mmm.” He grins and reaches to slide your underwear off. “Can’t wait to eat you out. First, I’m gonna make you come.”

Never in your friendship would you have imagined Yoongi to be like this. It would be a lie to say you’d never thought what it might be like to have him like this, his hands peeling your underwear off. The scrap of the silk on your legs is heady, every part of your skin extra sensitive. 

Lips parts, eyes fixed, you watch him toss the underwear to the side. He shuffles so that one knee rests against his leg, the other spread flat on the mattress for him. There is a split second where you feel vulnerable, spread open for him to see how much of a mess you are at the barely stimulation. You start to close your leg but Yoongi shakes his head, hand brushing down your inner thigh.

Slowly, Yoongi drags a finger up your slit to your entrance, massaging lightly with his finger before sinking in slowly. You let out a long breath, your walls clenching around his finger. It doesn’t provide a lot of stretch, but it feels good, the pad of his pointer stroking your inner wall. 

At first, Yoongi is slow. Familiarizing himself with your warm, wet heat. He picks up the pace then, stroking deeply, ensuring to push up against that soft spot inside of you. It drives you crazy. Crazier, still, when he leans down and attaches his mouth to yours, tongues tangling as he fingers you leisurely. 

“Fuck,” Yoongi mutters against your mouth. “You’ve got a wet little cunt.”

“Not usually,” you admit. You card your fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends a little. Your entire body is radiating with heat, sweat slicking your skin. “Fuck, it feels good. Doesn’t usually.”

“No?” he sucks harshly at your jaw and your eyes flutter shut. 

“No. Usually they jack hammer their fingers into my pussy.”

His laugh is hot on your skin. “Nah, just gotta find the spot.” 

Yoongi has found the spot. Makes it ten times better when he adds another finger, giving you something more substantial to grip on. Your cunt grips his fingers like a vice, slick sounds filling the room. He adds his thumb to the mix, pressing down on your clit. You gasp his name, hips bucking against his hand, dripping into his palm.

“Fuck yeah,” he grunts. “Fuck yourself onto my hand the way you like.” 

Together, you work yourself up to the edge. Yoongi doesn’t pause for a moment, doesn’t complain that his wrist is tired, doesn’t stop tonguing your sensitive spot on your neck until you’re clinging to him, coming around his fingers in a wet, messy squelch. 

You shake as he thrusts his fingers a few more times, the slopping sound of his palms smacking your pussy intoxicating. You feel like liquid, blurry at the edges and warm. 

“Holy shit,” you sigh. Yoongi pulls his fingers from your hole and you immediately squirm, hating the empty feeling. “That was just from your fingers?”

“Uh huh.” You watch as he licks his fingers again, grinning around them. Your stomach flips, cunt still leaking, begging for more. “Now watch what happens when I eat this pussy.” 

[nerves-nebula]

OK SO HUGE SPIDERVERSE 2 SPOILERS HERE i wanna discuss what themes i was picking up on and that i'm the most excited to see resolved

obviously theres FAMILY and PARENTING but i'm more interested in the themes presented with how The Spot developed and ALSO how that relates to miguel's whole situation

there is one main thing i wanna talk about tho:

inflexibility/the justification of cruelty

To me this is the core of the conflict behind both what happened with The Spot (my beloved) and whats going on with Miguel & the other spider-people's adherence to maintaining the status quo of their shitty shitty lives.

the inflexibility/justification of cruelty is obvious with miguel, it's like his whole thing. but I think it's less obvious with Miles. Miles cracks jokes to cope like a lot of spiders do, but his mockery of The Spot made things WAY worse. Like, here's this guy who tells you a harrowing story of how his life got ruined, and yea it's not entirely your fault but it's also not completely unrelated to you. He's completely alone, no one will hire him, he's a freak! And to top it all off, you won't even let him steal some money so that he can fucking live! whats he supposed to eat, miles?????? where's he supposed to LIVE.

and yea that's a lot to drop on a 15 year old but he's also a superhero (the age of which most people don't know) and the LEAST he could do, the BARE minimum imo, is take this guys pain seriously. even if he does look funny or weird, and he's not a huge threat at the moment.

I think we were supposed to relate to miles while he was fighting The Spot a the start, we saw the meeting with his parents and how bad he needed/wanted to just get the fight over with to stop disappointing them. But if you think about it from the spots perspective the whole thing wasn't just humiliating and frustrating- it cemented in his mind that spider-man was an uncaring and cruel person who didn't give a shit about him as long as he didn't disrupt the status quo of normal people or whatever.

but who cares, right? Miles does that all the time. that's just how things are, right? there's no need to change how he thinks about the lives of the people he fights so long as it doesn't affect him personally :/

And that's kind of what miguel does too. he's just more aware and active about it. he does things he'd rather not do, makes sure people suffer the way he thinks they have to because that's just how things are.

and both of those are probably not actually necessary! it's needlessly cruel to force spider-people to lose the ones they love, and it's needlessly cruel to mock and belittle a man who's had his life ruined to the point he needs to turn to crime just to survive.

I can't prove it yet cause the next movie hasn't come out yet, but I feel like it would be a bad idea for The Spot to die, I can accept him dying but only if they acknowledge that this isn't entirely just because The Spot is like, idk, evil or something. I want them to acknowledge the cruelty and pain that lead to this.

The same way it wouldn't make sense for Miles to end up agreeing with Miguel, it just doesn't match with the themes they've set up so far. Miguel is clearly coded to be in the wrong about what he thinks has to happen, and I suspect there's an aspect of his story/history that we aren't aware of. I can't say how or why but I think he's wrong about why the universe he went to fell apart (maybe he knows that, maybe not?) but I guess we'll have to see.

anyway can't wait for spider-man 3: even more fucking spiders!!!!

[castlebyersafterdark]

I wonder if the rest of the party have heard the things Mike says during sex to Will, or even Will's noises woops, and - In the nicest, not actually mean, best friend way - I wonder if they bring it up or do some light teasing about it especially to Mike 🤭🫣 wonder what they think (maybe not freshly together Byler but after some years when everyone's super chill)

I think these two are so funny because they really try to be so "normal" about each other, but once their friends know and everything's cool, and they have support... they're embarrassingly obsessed with each other. I mean, they always havs been, but now it's of a different flavor. "Which one is the clingy boyfriend?" Uhhhhh BOTH 🤭 anyway, as they get more open with their affection, the comfort level raises. Maybe too comfortable haha. Cue the party side-eying as Mike and Will get lost in their own world. Always whispering to each other, sneaking a kiss whenever its safe and they can, personal space becomes nonexistent. The infamous handsy-ness during movie nights - dead giveaway when Will involuntarily squeaks or whimpers while Mike thinks he's being subtle under their shared blanket. And their friends absolutely calling them out for a conspicuous hickey. And they're always sneaking away.

One day at school, Lucas is in the boys bathroom during third period. As he's standing in front of the sink he hears the sound of a palm slamming against the locked stall door, the last one in the row. Rolls his eyes and winces at the unmistakable babble and breathy moan of one Mike Wheeler. "That's it angel. Fuck, you're perfect, babydoll, so fucking pretty." Plausible denisbility to the gender of the other participant, but he's one of the few who knows the truth that it's Will Byers on his knees. He makes fun of them at lunch, mostly for the fact that they couldn't even make it to ten a.m. that day.

Another time, Dustin learns his lesson the hard way when he shows up early to Mike's house for a campaign session planned for later that day. He opens the side door to the basement and hears before he sees the insatiable, insufferable duo. Mike sitting on the couch, with Will straddling him, riding him slowly with unmistakable noises punched out of him as he bounces on Mike's lap. Both fortunate for his sanity and unfortunate for the reality of what he's walked in on, he doesn't get much of an eyeful, because Will's wearing that damned wizard costume. And Mike's got part of his homemade armor on. But Dustin is not safe for long. The worst part is their banter. Kill him now. "Ohhh, Michael. That's right, lay your hands on me, you’re the only, hmm, only one who can save us. Take me, oh god, take me and be healed, take what you need from me." "Yes, William, so good, come on, give me what I need. Give me your wisdom, your body." "Uhhh, oh yeah, Michael, that's good. Say my name again, address me by my full name, love." "Uh, fuck yeah, Will the-"

Slam. He's done. He's going home now that he shook himself from the transfixed shock as he was subjected to that trainwreck. Dustin’s going to be ill. If it was just walking in on his friends having sex, fine. Awkward, but ultimately hilarious after the fact. That??? He could have lived his entire life without knowing that. Especially with whatever the hell those accents were. Screw going home. He's heading over next door to Lucas's to immediately tell him what just happened.

[equallyshaw]

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love | trevor zegras.

based off olivia rodrigo's song- scared of my guitar!

trevor x singer nameless oc!

not too sure if i wanna do gif's or pictures like that above..trying something new out (:

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: tbh, she's toxic...pls dont be like her.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

◦

Perfect, easy, so good to me So why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you? Distract myself, say it's somethin' else Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, maybe I'm confused

◦

for around 11 months it was pure bliss...the two of them everywhere and anywhere. onlookers looked on with smiles and hushed whispers about how 'in love' they were. the two of them moved quickly in their relationship, but nobody found anything weird with it based on how their friends watched them and how they spoke about one another in the media when asked. trevor loved bringing home flowers whenever he came back from a roadie, or just because he felt like it. he showered her with gifts from the get-go as her own life was beginning to fill with riches, as her music career took off.

but once the 1 year mark was coming closer and closer, she began to feel a sense of dread. a sense of anxiety and fear, she hadn't had before. whenever she heard his name in passing or whenever somebody asked her about him, she'd freeze and stutter; not sure what to exactly say. or what was weirder, was that she spent more and more time at her apartment in la and not at his newport house...claiming that the record label was hounding her for an album and she was working day and night, like a dog. she did whatever she could in order to not think about him may it be hanging with friends, driving up and down the coast to san diego to visit family and taking spur of the moment trips with her friends. and when people asked her what was wrong or what she was thinking about, she'd always say 'work' and every white lie that came with that topic.

but when she see's trevor sporadically, she understands why she fell in love with him in the first place. he's charming, relentlessly nerdy, incredibly kind and respectful; all of which she adores. and while basking in that feeling for a bit of time, she feels guilty about how her feelings change when she's not with him. she then chalks it up to work, and how much pressure the label is giving her. so maybe just maybe, she'll stick it out with trevor.

◦

Barely sleep when you sleep next to me

But I keep thinkin' I'll find a cure

I say that I'm fine, I tell you all the time

I've never felt so happy and sure

◦

shortly after their one year, as she stays with trevor about once or twice a week, she can't help but toss and turn all night. claiming she's just stressed and overly exhausted, and he buys it all. he buys all her, "I've never been happier" or "I've never felt so sure about something in my entire life". he buys the, "once im done with the album ill move in with you." too, yet she knows they wont last. that sickening and dreadful feeling that keeps her up at night.

she goes to all of these lengths just to keep her heart from collapsing and her conscious from crumbling above her, and yet she knows right from wrong. she know's that the one that would be hurt the most is him.

◦

But I'm so scared of my guitar'

Cause it cuts right through to the heart

Yeah, it knows me too well so I got no excuse

I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you

◦

but then when she sits down to write and come up with the chords for a song, she cant help but cry. everything becoming too much for her, her closest friends and producer seeing right through her. her music speaking the words, she can't help but think but not say. she knows that if she lies in a song, she'd be betraying her heart and her soul. her music being her lifelong love and escape, would truly affect her relationship with it.

◦

So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love

◦

around a year and five months, she stopped writing. she stopped playing her guitar until the early morning hours. she stopped recording, citing that she was dealing with some personal issue. once the acknowledgment of 'oh shit, i need to break things off- soon' hit her mind one day during a writing session, she knew she couldn't write or sing until she did just that. and so she made her way down the coast to newport to do just that, but when she walked inside she saw a doe-eyed and blissful trevor in her midst. she crumbled right then and there, allowing him to make their way to the bedroom. she laid in his arms, not being able to fall asleep once again; and reminding herself that she loved trevor .. or at least needed to remind herself more. was it though? at least on her part?

◦

I was ravin', no boy like you I had the nerve to just stop stringin' you all along But I'm not half as decent as you I'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong

◦

trevor was the guy, she thought when they first met. she thought that they were end game and would go to the absolute ends of the galaxy to believe that, to show and make people believe it too. and after some point, she felt guilty about stringing him along and talking about their future plans together. another morning she stopped by abruptly on her way from san diego, she knew she had to break things off with him. yet when she arrived at his place, she found him making breakfast and the brightest smile she hadn't seen in awhile. he went along and continued with his breakfast but not before making a cup of coffee for her and a extra serving of his breakfast for her. before leading her over to the dining room table and held her hand as they ate. guilt crept up her spine as she looked at him, talking about something that had happened on a road trip and she felt a pang in her heart. she was a coward. rather than break the band aid and say what she'd wanted to say for months now...she let him continue to speak.

he was a better person than she was, she thought. he would have ended things a long time ago if he'd felt what she'd felt or thought. he wouldn't have continued to string her along. he was a good person like that. but her? she was half the person he was, he was a good person with good intentions. the culprit?

she didn't want to be alone.

◦

I make excuses, my friends know the truth is I'm not as alright as I claim I say that I'm fine, I tell them all the time As they watch all the life fade away

◦

the life was draining from her and her friends watched as it did. she was hiding herself away in her los angeles apartment, shortly after she stopped writing. they were all rightfully concerned with her mental health and wouldn't take the 'im fine's!" she hurled at them time and time again. they even reached out to trevor and even he could not get her to come out of her shell. though, he never got the full story of why she was like that. he dropped around unannounced before and after practice, sometimes staying the night but most times slipping out after she'd fallen asleep. but not without a soft kiss to her temple, and tiptoeing out. his family and friends grew concerned when he opted to stay in newport for the offseason. by the offseason, she'd gone back into the studio and pushed through. the studio eating up whatever she had written, and loved it all.

◦

I pretend that it's love, love

'Cause what if I never find anything better? The doubt always creeps through my mind So we'll stay together 'cause how could I ever Trade somethin' that's good for what's right?

◦

with no end in sight, she continued to push through with the relationship, trying to get back to how things were before when she was without a doubt, happy and in love. when trevor does finally leave the sunshine state to go visit family and friends, she stays up thinking about her and trevor's future. would she find anybody better than him? would she find the love that they shared early in their relationship? would she find somebody almost as arrogantly confident? somebody with an infinite passion for what they do? their (affectionately) dumb friends who adored her? and somebody with a zest for life? her journals filled to the brim that summer with what had been eating her up inside.

when trevor comes back right before the season begins, he take's her out to malibu one early morning before the sunrise. she was groggy and tired from the night before, and so when she was awoken abruptly she groaned; trying to desperately to go back to bed. trevor said that he wanted to go for a sunrise and she hummed, thinking he'd go by himself. but instead, he tickled her enough to wake her up and she dreaded getting out of bed. they drove up to malibu that September 2nd, and held one another as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. he bit the inside of his cheek, body filled with nerves and anxiety. he whispered her name to begin with, and in the most trevor and most un trevor way, he proposed. she turned around to see him with tears in his eyes and visible anxiety washed over his features. she smiled softly feeling the inside of her scream to say no and beg her to leave the life she grown used to the past mere months. her smile grew wider and faker, as she said yes. trevor had gotten her dream ring from new york, and she gushed as he pulled it out. tears swelled her eyes as she felt her heart tug at the effort he'd made for her. she was going to show him the same effort as well, even if it hurt her to no end.

◦

her record label demanded an ep of some new songs they knew she undoubtedly had written after she got engaged. her album release was a massive success, going #1 and platinum in many countries. her career was reaching new heights and she was engaged? she was the it girl everybody wanted to be. yet she felt so very far from it, but kept that signature smile on at all times.

she felt herself buy into the idea of marrying trevor when she saw how excited her family was when they showed up to a private dinner the very evening of her album released. they gushed and gushed over the ring and endless possibilities her and trevor could have together. she saw how good both of their families bonded and got along with one another. she could feel the pride and gratitude that oozed off of trevor that night. he loved - no absolutely adored this life the universe had bespoked upon him. the singer was just another addition. he thought he had everything before they met, but when he saw her get absolutely hammered at a party they were both invited to; he was enamored. the grace she carried herself with when dancing, talking, singing and most importantly; the love she oozed for her friends was intoxicating. he could not and never wanted to get enough of it.

the look he gave her that night was one she'd never, ever forget in this lifetime. it was how all girls wished to be looked at. the one that would spare nothing to make their partner happy. the one where you know they'd go to the ends of the earth for you and with you. it was as if she hung the moon and the stars for him.

who would pass that up?

◦

I let the thought in, it's already done

◦

she brought into the idea of going through with the wedding after the release party and found herself immersed in wedding planning. she found herself non stop traveling with trevor that summer, after a serious playoff run. she found herself thinking of their future together because lets be honest, it was there. and she couldn't help but get excited just a bit when trevor had said, that she was going to be most beautiful bride and future mom to ever grace this planet. she looked at him through the mirror and again that look, captivated and brought her in.

◦ But I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love Yeah, I lay in your arms and pretend it's enough

◦

their wedding was a dream. an absolute dream. hollywood and hockey royalty showed up and showed out. the wedding of all weddings. they danced the night away to taylor swift. then as a surprise, trevor and his groomesman shamelessly, did a group dance to one of her upbeat songs as she sat there blushing like a fool, covering her face in embarrassment. they spent the night basking in everybody's presence, the singer not having a second to spare a second thought about what was going to be coming in the next few months. she knew that the world and everybody in their lives would be asking about kids and what not. yet, she pushed that towards the back of her mind. she played the role of a loving and adoring newlywed. she smiled to the camera's as if there was no tomorrow. her friends actually believing that she was happy and that she had found her way back to trevor. and in a way, that was true. she felt stuck with no way out.

the couple retreated back to the ritz carlton new york hotel suite, with a bottle of very expensive champagne, thin slice pizza and new york cheesecake. after stuffing their faces in between making out, the two fell asleep. or at least trevor did. the singer looked up at the ceiling, wide awake and unable to sleep. she had played the part this long...what was another ten?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

umm....sorry about that! part two is coming at some point because i wanna hurt myself even more lmao...

please like and reblog if you did and id love to hear your thoughts too!

tags: @cuttergauthier @zegrasbabyyy @hockeyboysarehot @slafgoalskybaby @sc0tters @sweetestdesire @jayda12 @starshine-hockey-girl @cellythefloshie

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Kendall Roy angst or fluff with scenario m (keeping the relationship a secret) please

Illicit Affair.

m. Keeping the relationship a secret

Author's Note - this is a drabble written as part of my 500 Followers Celebration!! find that post here if you're interested. my baby kendall - all i want for him is a happy ending :( sorry lukas, but kennys my boy <3

Pairing - Kendall Roy x Matsson!Female Reader

Age Rating - 18+

Warnings - cursing, cheating

Word Count - 650

Masterlist. 500 Follower Celebration Masterlist.

You're practically vibrating with anticipation.

The Roys are coming to the annual retreat in Norway to attempt to finalise the GoJo deal with your husband, Lukas.

In approximately 20 minutes, you're going to be face to face with Kendall Logan Roy.

The love of your life.

Admittedly, having an affair with one of your husbands business rivals wasn't on your to-do list. However, the first time you met Kendall, you knew it was inevitable.

You are irreversibly, undeniably, completely illicitly in love with a man who's not your husband.

It's been surprisingly easy to sneak around. Bathrooms, back rooms, offices with the blinds closed. Fleeting touches, momentary eye contact, silent communication. Every time Kendall looks at you, he lights your nerve endings on fire.

You both know it's doomed to fail. You'll have to end it privately, or you'll get caught and have to end it publicly. It doesn't stop you, though.

The Roys arrive, and you all go about formal greetings and passive aggressive hellos. The entire time, Kendall's eyes are locked on you, completely unflinching. Your husband is too preoccupied to notice the man looking at his wife like she hung the stars in the sky.

Kendall nods his head subtly, signalling in the direction of the bedrooms. You tap your watch, giving him a signal - wait for me. He grabs his bags and goes to unpack, while you mill around, waiting for your chance to leave.

Finally, the small talk dies down, and you find your opportunity.

"I'm going to go and catch up with a few of their team," you tell Lukas. "Haven't seen them in a while."

He knows you're fairly friendly with people like Jess, as you've seen her often. He doesn't question it, just presses a kiss to your cheek distractedly, walking off to talk to Gerri and Frank.

You slink down the hallways, practically running to Kendall's door. You barely knock once before it swings open, strong arms pulling you inside.

Kendall cradles your face in his hands, and looks at you carefully.

"Hi," he whispers, breaking out into a grin.

"Hi, yourself," you whisper back, smiling like a madwoman.

He pulls you into his arms, his warmth seeping into your skin. He smells like musk and fresh soap and that cologne you gifted him for his birthday last year.

"Missed you," you murmur into his chest, tightening your grip.

"I missed you," he replies into your hair. "So fucking much."

"Don't leave it so long next time," you beg. "I'm going insane here without you."

"I'm sorry, honey" he mutters, pulling back to look at you. "Everything's been fucking crazy."

You throw your arms around his neck, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Ken," you say against his mouth. "He was the fucking worst, but he was still your father."

"Finally," he chuckles. "Someone who gets it."

He kisses you harder this time, one hand tangling in your hair. The other caresses your cheek, thumb stroking soothing circles.

"Promise me something."

"Anything, sweetheart. Anything."

"Whatever happens with this shit - promise me it won't affect us. I'm not losing you over a fucking business deal, Ken," you plead.

He smiles gently - a rare and beautiful sight.

"You are the only thing in this entire world that I am sure of," he reassures. "I don't give a fuck about this deal, or your husband. I care about you. Just you."

You kiss him in reply, lost in the way you fit together so perfectly. You're like two pieces of the same puzzle, twin flames that have finally found each other.

"I swear, when this is over, I'm moving you to New York. It'll be me and you against the world."

You must look unsure, because he continues.

"Fuck the rest of them."

"Fuck the rest of them," you grin. "Me and you against the world, Kendall Roy."

[justwinginglife]

The Start of Forever

25 Days of Simpmas: Day Eighteen December 18th: Ban, Rank 8 Anime: Seven Deadly Sins Event Masterlist

As the mayor of Delulu/Selfship Land, I would just like to say, guys, I'm back at it again, rewriting/ignoring canon lmaoooo. Let's just say Ban barely even met Elaine. Let's just say, he stole a sip from the Fountain of Youth on his very first try for the purpose of this fic, okay? Lol, IT'S FINE.

You were having the most bizarre reunion of your entire immortal life.

Ban was alive, nearly a hundred years after you first met him, looking exactly as he had when you last saw him. And he was laughing. You forgot just how much you missed his laugh.

“Still kicking and breathing, huh?” He teased. 

You grinned. “You know it. Can’t get rid of me that easy. So what’s your excuse for not kicking the bucket?”

He shrugged. “Ah, you know me. Stole a chalice from the fountain of youth.”

You laughed, shaking your head at him. Same, old Ban. “Sounds just like you.”

Some of your best memories were stealing things with him. You remembered, one year, you’d had a competition to see who could steal the most expensive thing without getting caught. And then you’d gifted it to each other for Christmas. You had both laughed, looking at your ridiculous reflections in the river. There you were, smudged with dirt, adorned in rags, and he’d gotten you a sapphire brooch. And there he stood, right beside you, clothes ripped and ragged, hair wild and unruly, and you’d gotten him a gold chain necklace. Even as absurd as you both appeared, somehow the trinkets you’d gotten each other just made sense. He was always telling you that blue brought out your eyes and you were always telling him that he had a heart of gold. So what, if your accessories didn’t match your tattered attire? They matched your ideas of each other. Even if you never had anything nice again, at least you had a reminder of his affection.

But your favorite memory of him, the memory to top all memories, was the day you first met him. 

You’d stolen a sack of apples, but discovered it was unreasonably heavy. Not wanting to give away your jackpot but not wanting to lug it around everywhere you went, you settled on hiding it in a secret location. Then you went about your day, bathing in the river, sneaking around town, foraging in the woods, just doing whatever you felt like. When you came back to have a midnight snack, you could’ve sworn that the sack felt lighter, but you figured you must’ve overestimated how much you’d stolen. When you came back the next day, it was even lighter than it had been before, but you figured you’d just forgotten how much you’d eaten; after all- you had been half asleep. It wasn’t until you checked it a third time that you started to wonder if maybe an animal had started snooping around your goods. You were lost in thought, wondering if you should just take the sack with you (after all- it was much lighter now) when suddenly a kid your age appeared, with a scowl on his face.

“You know it’s rude to take other people’s things, right?”

You scoffed, straightening to defend yourself. “This is my bag, what are you even talking about?”

He crossed his arms. “No it’s not. I found it a couple days ago, so it’s mine.”

“Yeah, well, I stole it a couple days ago, so it’s mine.”

He stared you down, debating if he believed you or not. “Well if it’s yours then why’d you leave it here?”

You gestured to your scrawny physique. “Do I look like I can carry a bag that heavy around? I just stashed it and I’ve been coming back to snack on it here and there.”

“Here and there? Wait. Are you the reason the bag felt lighter yesterday? And the day before? I knew I wasn’t going crazy!”

Suddenly you burst into laughter.

He raised a brow, looking you over curiously.

“I thought I was the one going crazy. I thought I imagined the bag getting lighter, it was really messing with my head.” You admitted sheepishly.

“So… I guess we were both taking from it then.” He laughed awkwardly, shifting his weight back and forth, as though he were nervous how you’d react to that information.

You took a step towards him and his posture stiffened, readying himself to go on the offensive at any moment. But then you smiled and suddenly everything was okay. “I don’t mind sharing if you don’t mind sharing.”

He lifted his chin to look away from you. Finally, after debating it, he grumbled, “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. But just know, I’m gonna eat a lot more now that I know I have competition.” 

You laughed and his heart stuttered in his chest. “It’s not competition. If anything… we’re a team now. How about this? Whatever I find, I’ll share with you and whatever you find, you share with me. Honestly, it’ll be so much easier with two of us working together, so whaddya say?” You held your hand out for him to shake. 

He stared at it for a moment. 

“You’re supposed to shake it-”

“I know what it’s for! I was just thinking!”

“You take a long time to think-”

“I DO NOT! Did you ever think that maybe you don’t take enough time to think??” He demanded.

But you smiled at him again and there was that same fluttering feeling in his chest. So he took your hand. Shook it, and shook it hard. And he agreed to your demands. 

You both laughed about the whole thing later that night, once you’d stolen a cake from a bakery together and cut up some apples to garnish it with. You said it was to commemorate your friendship’s “birthday” and he rolled his eyes at how cheesy you were being but he went along with it anyway, pretending to blow out fake candles, even shyly singing the birthday song with you. 

You never forgot about that night for as long as you’d lived. And you’d lived a very long time by now.  

“So… immortal Y/N. What a terrifying thought.” Ban teased.

You snorted. “Oh please, I’m the terrifying one? Who’s the towering giant clad in red leather? I’d be significantly more afraid of him living forever. Also, I’m not sure how I feel about this color on you. I think you’d look better in-”

“-Gold?” Suddenly he pulled a necklace from his pocket. 

Your heart stopped. It was the same one you’d given him all those decades ago. So he still had it. “Maybe I was gonna say blue.” You turned to show him the brooch that was still sitting neatly in your hair like it had every day since he’d given it to you.

“How ‘bout that? You still have it.” He said, breathlessly.

“And you still have yours.”

“Course. I’d never lose it.”

“You did lose it once.” You laughed. 

He groaned. “A hundred years later and you still can’t let it go.”

“Hey- I worked hard to steal that for you. I can’t believe you dropped it in a river of all the places. Almost drowned trying to fish it out. ‘Member that?” You teased, poking his nose.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll never do it again. So, you gonna tell me how you’re still alive? What’d you do, steal from the same fountain?” 

You fidgeted with the edge of your jacket. “Nah, my story isn’t nearly as fun as yours. Cursed by a demon. You know- the whole ‘doomed to watch everybody you love die’ thing.” As you spoke, the weight of your words hung heavy in the air. Your eyes seemed to dim even if only for a second. 

He wanted to touch you. To hold you. To make everything okay again. He didn’t know how to do it but he’d do anything for you. He’d never seen that look on your face before and he hoped you’d never have to make it again. 

In all his years, he’d never regretted choosing immortality; because of that, he’d never thought that maybe there were people who wouldn’t have wanted it, who wouldn’t have chosen it. But you’d had it forced on you. And then had to deal with its repercussions. What must that have felt like and who did you lose to make you feel that way? He confessed to feeling somewhat jealous; he hadn’t found anyone he cared about enough to mourn losing them to time. You were the only one he’d ever mourned.

You had spent every waking moment together as children, but once you’d grown, you’d both realized you wanted different things from life. He wanted to travel the world, do what made him feel good, what made him feel alive. You wanted to stop your shenanigans, maybe get an education, maybe settle down. In the end, you loved each other but it wasn’t enough. You parted ways as amiably as you could, but the “what-if’s” never went away, and when you had both finally realized how much time had passed, how much you needed each other, all you had left to cling to were regrets.

He’d regretted the way he’d left things with you. The way you looked as you watched him sail away, the way your lips quivered as you tried to send him off with a smile, the way your eyes nearly squeezed shut for fear of the tears spilling down your face. The way he tried to convince himself he was only seasick and not simply homesick. He regretted it all.

You’d regretted the way you’d left things with him. The way you hadn't tried hard enough to tell him to stay. The way you'd said goodbye instead of see you later, like you were fine with closing the chapter when you knew you weren't. The way you missed him but never looked for him, for fear that his life might be all too grand and great without you. You regretted it all.

But it was clear now that fate had given you a second chance.

And you were not about to waste it.

Neither was he.

He nudged you with his arm. “Well, I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore, not now that I have you beside me at long last.”

Your smile returned. 

God, he loved that smile, he loved it so damn much. That smile that crinkled the corners of your eyes, the smile that softened your cheeks into a rosy pink, the smile that was forever engraved into his dreams, into his soul. The smile he never thought he’d see again. And he wasn’t going to lose it- not again, not now that he finally found you. Thank god that he found you. Thank every god that did or didn’t exist that he found you. He’d never been the religious type but he’d get on his knees to praise whoever brought him this miracle. 

“You know, eternity’s a long time. Sure I won’t drive you crazy?” You teased. 

He chuckled. “You definitely will- that’s a guarantee. But I’ve missed it. And I won’t take it for granted, ever again. I won’t leave you, ever again.”

“Well then, I suppose we’d better get started on forever.”

Taglist: @pixelcafe-network @ouiouimochi @minasfwoopyponytail @inkytypewriter

[broadwaybalogna]

Times I’ve inserted myself onto Zuko or Katara and helped myself.

I JUST made a post about self inserting on Katara and also Zuko and how it’s okay. This post will go over times I’ve done it and how I was able to help myself through rough times.

1. An except from “They Say Beauty is Pain”, a fic I wrote surrounding body image and dysmorphia.

”I don’t know. I guess I just…” she struggled to find the words to explain her feelings, “for lack of a better term, wish I liked my body more?”

[…]

”I think there are parts of ourselves that we all fail to understand and accept,” he finally began after a long pause. “I mean, look at me. I have a huge scar on my face but you sit next to me and tell me how beautiful it makes me. […] The same goes for you. […] Whatever you may dislike about yourself, I know I love it more than you could imagine. […] We all have things we’re insecure about, yeah. But I think the opinions that matter most are those closest to us and can best shape us to love ourselves the most. If that even makes sense.”

This entire one-shot was me writing about my experience with my body. As a firm hurt/comfort lover, I had to find a way for Katara (or me) to be comforted. This can go for my readers as well, people who may associate themselves with Katara and also suffer from body image issues can (I hope) read this and feel comforted about themselves.

2. An except from “Sleep When You Can, My Dear (I’ll Be Here When You Wake)” a fic I wrote about taking meds and the effects it can have on a person.

”For a long time, I didn’t know who I was without my trauma. It shaped my entire personality to who I am today. Every piece of me became what it was because of my own suffering. I didn’t know how different I would be if I… healed. The idea of a version of myself that wasn’t who I was in that moment was scary… But I realized, over time, that even though those moments will forever shape who I am as a person, they don’t have to define me. I am not some girl who lost her mother two years ago and goes to therapy for it. I’m more than that. And you’re more than the boy with father issues who needs medication. We improve ourselves each day by living and accepting that we can be better. And I look forward to knowing that the next day, I’ll get new experiences that will shape who I become.”

Guys, I can only write stuff like this by putting myself into the characters shoes. I actually technically inserted myself into BOTH Katara and Zuko to write this. How would I react to someone saying this? How would I comfort my partner (if I had one)?

3. An except from “The Psychology of a Test” which is about finding a balance between school and life.

“Zuko,” Katara finally said, lowering her voice and finally becoming more calm, “I don’t really know much about your relationship with your dad- or school. But it was so nice seeing you actually happy and talking these past few days. It really put things into perspective for me. I realize that I’ve been studying so much all the time, that I never thought about how it affected you. I’m sorry.”

“What? No, don’t be sorry. My relationship with school is.. complicated at best, but in no way is any of it your fault,” he sat up to face Katara, “but I have realized how much more I like being free. I just need to find a balance.”

“Could I- could I help you find it?” Katara asked after a short moment has passed.

“I’d love that.”

Many published authors will say that what they write is based on real experiences they have gone through. Why is it okay for published authors to do this and not fanfiction authors?

Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you can’t write characters to connect with you.

You CAN.

[girl4music]

Angel: "What?"

Cordy: "What?"

Angel: "What do you want to say?"

Cordy: "Ah, me? Nothing. What makes you think I wanna..."

Angel: "'Cause I know you.”

Cordy: "Well, it's really… none of my business."

Angel: "And that always stops you?”

Cordy: “Actually, it is my business, *our* business, because we're trying to do a job here, and what affects you affects me, and anyway, I don't like to see you suffer more than you have to. I don't think you should blame yourself, or feel guilty for her death."

Angel: "I don't."

Cordy: "Good. Glad to hear it."

Angel: "I didn't even know who she was when I killed her."

Cordy: "Not her! Angel..."

Angel:

*After a beat*

“Oh... you… you want to talk about..."

Cordy: "She was the love of your life and she died.

*Angel sits down on the stairs, facing Cordy*

*Steps closer*

And you weren't there when it happened.

*Sits down next to him with a sigh*

You couldn't help her fight. You couldn't save her. You couldn't die with her."

*Angel doesn’t answer*

—————————————————————————

Cordy: "And how about you?"

Angel: "I'm o..."

Cordy: "And don't say 'okay.' Angel, please. I know you. Ever since you've come back from your grief trip I can tell that something's not right. And, and *obviously* it's not. Buffy's dead, and I don't mean to diminish that. I miss her too. I just wanna say… I know that James with all his Romeo and Juliet madness, opened up a lot of wounds for you, but you'll be okay."

Angel: "I am okay."

Cordy: "Then what's the problem?"

Angel: "That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me. That I could deal with it. In all those years no one ever mattered. Not like she did. And now she's gone. Forever.”

Cordy: "And you're still here."

Angel: "Yeah. I just feel like I'm betraying her somehow."

Cordy: "No! If you were a loser, if you were some sick obsessed vampire, you'd go to a Snod demon, or whatever, and get your heart cut out. But you're not! You're a living, breathing... Well, living, anyway, good guy, whose still fighting and trying to help people, and that's not betraying her, that's honoring her."

Angel: "You think?"

Cordy: "I'm Cordelia. I don't think. I know. Okay?"

*Cordy gives him a big grin, which draws a small smile in response*

Angel: "Okay."

So I’m on to Season 3 of ‘Angel the Series’ and this first episode was dealing with the aftermath of Buffy’s death in Season 5 of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’. How it affects Angel and specifically how he keeps the grief of his loss to himself but Cordy can see through him.

But listen - Everything I’ve just quoted above showcases how much better of a relationship Angel has with Cordy over what he ever had with Buffy. All of THIS is what a RELATIONSHIP is. The way they just know each other that they can’t lie to one another. The way Cordy draws information out of Angel like no one else can and is so perceptive in figuring him out. The way he opens up to her with a minimum amount of prodding from her. The brick wall of non-communication that was Bangel is nowhere to be seen in Cangel. This entire conversation is about Buffy specifically and what Buffy means to Angel. Yet through it I can see that were it in reverse and it was Cordy that died and it was Buffy giving this speech….

There would honestly be nowhere near the breakthrough on revealing Angel’s emotions because they’re both one in the same when it comes to communication. They both hide away from each other in moments of being in need of someone to talk to. Maybe it’s just because they have more time and purpose to do significant character interaction in Angel’s own show when it comes to drawing out information from Angel’s psyche, but I just see so much more between Angel and Cordy - just friends - then I ever saw between apparent “love of their lives” Angel and Buffy. This level of intimate relation to one another is on the level of Spuffy or Tillow. This is what you’re supposed to have in a relationship where the people in it are actual partners. Honest and open communication. Buffy and Angel never had this… really ever. I mean I brought up the interaction and conversation they had in ‘Forever’ as the only time where I truly saw Bangel as genuinely relating to one another and this was well passed their heydays.

I really love what I’m seeing in this dynamic. This is what makes Angel - the character and the show - interesting to watch. He finally has someone who KNOWS him to the point where he cannot always brood away in silence and pretend like no one cares. Because that’s not interesting to watch. It’s just sad. Thank fuck Cordelia is in this show as a main character because not only is she better for it. But she makes HIM better for it as well! That’s precisely what was needed for either of them to be considered even half as interesting of a character to me as Willow or Spike. And okay - there’s still a lot to live up to there. But it’s a start! This is what I wanted to see in Bangel but I never could because they were so incompatible when it came to being each other’s sounding board. It was like they were trying but they were never breaking through that communication barrier between them so as much of a whirlwind romance that they had - that was written… there was just nothing holding it up other than all the physical intimacy that they shared. And that’s just shallow. There was no depth to it. Not like there is with Cangel. With what I can see in them.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Just Let Me Adore You Pt. 5

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: none actually

Genre: kinda comedy, kinda fluff

Summary: You’ve been dating your boyfriend, Bruce, for 3 absolutely blissful years. He’s a scientist and professor who is as smart as he is kind and if anyone asked, you were sure you’d spend the rest of your life with him. That is until two mysteriously charming men that Bruce swears are dangerous take an interest in you that threatens to turn your entire life upside down. I mean… what exactly are you supposed to do with two gorgeous men telling you something that suggests that basically everything you think you know is a lie? And why does part of you have enough doubt to wonder if they might be telling the truth?

Series Masterlist

***

You toss some clothes from your closet onto your bed where Wanda is sitting. She's spending the afternoon with you at the apartment. You were supposed to go out to lunch but you both decided you weren't feeling the restaurant you were planning to go to so instead you ordered pizza and changed your day out to a day in.

"Okay, pick something." You tell her.

"Wait you upcycled all of these?"

"Well no not yet, I mean a couple of them I've started to upcycle but I haven't finished. This is a pile of clothes I bought specifically to upcycle. I can't decide on my next project so I'm letting you pick. I'll start it later but I don't wanna forget to ask you before you leave."

"Can I have the finished product of whatever you end up doing with it?" She asks.

"Yeah sure, I really just like to make the things. I can make sure it's something you would wear if you want it though." You shrug.

"Okay! Let me look through the options then." Wanda says sifting through the pile.

"Take your time. In the meantime- girl we need to discuss some shit." You say.

"Uh oh. What are we discussing?" She laughs.

"So you know how I told you Steve and Bucky are werewolves and that they seem convinced that I am one as well?" You ask. It's been a few days since your last conversation with Bruce about Steve and Bucky and even though you're pretty sure you've managed to calm him down about the situation you honestly haven't been able to let the whole thing go. On one hand you have no reason to trust Bucky and Steve but on the other you're having trouble rationalizing the idea that they're straight up lying to you about who you are.

"Yes, I recall. We decided you weren't going to look into that though because you didn't think it made sense. Right? What's the deal? Have you changed your mind on the validity of their theory? Did something new happen?"

"I didn't ask you before because I was busy spiraling but do you think it's possible? That I could be a werewolf?" You ask instead of answering her question directly,

"I think- it would be irresponsible to dismiss the possibility without any real consideration." She shrugs.

"That is not what I asked you. I asked if you think I could be a werewolf."

"I think it's a not so unreasonable conclusion based on some of the things I know about you."

"Wait hang on, all these years we've been friends, you've suspected I was a werewolf this whole time and never thought to bring it up? Why?"

"Okay first of all; not the whole time it's just over the years I've noticed that some of your behaviors align with what I know of lycanthropy but it was only a hunch and while there are spells that can verify that sort of thing but I would never do that to you without your consent. Plus I don't think you've been lying to me about being human so at best you were a werewolf that didn't know it and I didn't want to cause you an identity crisis over a barely supported suspicion."

"So you think I'm a werewolf? I cannot believe you convinced me Steve and Bucky were delusional when you have the same prognosis!"

"I wasn't trying to convince you they were delusion at all! All I did was explain how their personal stake in this, as in their suspected feelings for you, could affect the credibility of whatever they say to you! You weren't looking for a reason to believe them, you were looking for a reason to believe Bruce, so I gave you one. I think if you're seriously considering what they said as true at all you should just call your mom. Worst case scenario she has no idea what you're talking about and assumes you've lost your mind. Or she'll tell you that you are a werewolf. Either way you've got a definitive answer and that's much better than whatever this is." Wanda shrugs.

"Okay, well, there is- another piece of information at play here that I initially left out for safety reasons but I think at this point you should probably know it now." You say.

"Is it no longer a safety concern?"

"Uhhh I mean, maybe. Like there's nothing making it safer now than it was before but I don't even know if it's actually unsafe in the first place."

"Y/n are you in danger? Because if anything happens to you I will have heads on pikes. You know this. What is going on?"

"I love that you are as fiercely protective as you are but I'm gonna ask you to dial it back because I think you would be legally classified as a serial killer if you tried to put the heads of everyone potentially involved on pikes." You say.

"First of all, the cops couldn't catch me if they tried so that is not a deterrent. Secondly, who is potentially involved?! Stop speaking in circles and please get to the point."

"Bruce thinks that Steve and Bucky are the heads of a werewolf mafia." You rush out.

"A what?" Wanda blinks at you with disbelief clear on her face.

"Girl, I thought the same thing. So once upon a time, Bruce worked for some scientists that studied a local community of werewolves only to learn that New York has a wolf crime syndicate and Steve and Bucky are possibly at the top."

"Possibly?" She frowns. 

"Yeah because of course he never figured out who was in charge of any of this he's just speculating that it's Steve and Bucky because of... honestly very little information actually, so little that it seems silly but that kid Peter from my job, he has some friends that are definitively involved in it apparently."

"Somehow as you're explaining this I am just getting more and more confused."

"Yeah well I've been following it for quite a while at this point and I still barely understand it half the time. Let's see, Peter has some friends who've come to the bookstore a few times. One of those times, Bruce showed up and he recognized them I guess, and realized they were part of the werewolf mafia scene. That's when he informed me that he was a research assistant for a team that made enemies of this particular group of werewolves, because of course, they did, now Steve and Bucky being the leaders is more so a hunch of his, we have no proof of that besides the fact that they are werewolves and the leaders supposedly have the initials S and B. Also, he thinks the flirting with me and claiming I'm a werewolf and that claiming that he has known that information is all like psychological warfare I guess, against him."

"Wait so he thinks Steve and Bucky courting you essentially is an attempt to get back at him?"

"He thinks they'll hurt me to get to him. Yes."

"Wouldn't they have done something by now if that was their plan?" She frowns.

"That's exactly what I said to Bruce! Especially because they didn't even know who he was until the second time we ran into them together, which was the third time I met them. He thinks they've just been lying to lure me into a false sense of security before they attack or whatever but my whole thing is like why would they need to do all of that if they're these super powerful crime guys anyway?" You huff.

"So he thinks because of some research project he was an assistant for not even leading anything, which I'm assuming also happened before you met, that Steve and Bucky are plotting against him, and trying to use you for their revenge?" Wanda asks.

"Yeah pretty much. I think you got it." You nod.

"Why didn't you mention any of this before now? Your life has basically become a telenovela. This is not the kind of tea you just hold onto!"

"I didn't tell you because I barely believe it myself. There really isn't any proof to support most of this craziness. I'm taking Bruce at his word because he's my boyfriend and I trust him but Steve and Bucky being werewolf crime bosses attempting to use me to get at him all feels absurd. The only thing supporting any of his claims is that Steve and Bucky told me that they were werewolves but that doesn't mean they're some crazy crime lords I just- I can't imagine Bruce would make all of this up. I don't want to." You sigh. Wanda grabs your phone from your desk and holds it out to you.

"Call your mother. Now. Get an answer to the werewolf question and then we can tackle the possibility of all the other shit. Confront Bruce if you have to or if not deal with the chance that you're on the wolf mob's hit list." She says.

"Actually no because how did my life get so damn complicated? Like hearing you say it like that? I literally work at a bookstore, how am I potentially dealing with a werewolf mafia?"

"We can worry about how we got to this point later, right now we call mom, and ask the burning question that could change everything."

"Okay just because my life sounds like a telenovela doesn't mean you need to narrate it like one." You roll your eyes.

"Hey if you're living in chaos make the best of it. Now, let's call mom." Wanda shrugs.

"You just want confirmation for your own theory." You chuckle grabbing your phone from her.

"I want this crisis to stop, or at the very least I want us to progress to the next stage and we can't do that without an answer to this question at this point. You can only do so much with speculation and I think we have exhausted the usefulness of speculating in this situation. I mean I am curious if I was right at all that's true but it's like only a bonus of you calling your mother and getting some answers. You need answers y/n." She says and you roll your eyes as you dial your mother's number. Each ring makes you more nervous as you grapple with the fact that you're maybe about to find out something life altering.

"Hello?" Her voice comes through the phone and you're equally relieved and stressed.

"Mom! Hi! How are you?"

"Y/n! I'm good sweetie, so nice to hear from you. Everything alright?" She asks. She can probably hear in your voice that something's weighing on you. That's just how she is sometimes.

"Well, I actually have a question for you. It's kind of a strange one honestly." You say.

"No such thing, you know you can always ask me anything." She says. You take a deep breath before you let the words fall from your mouth.

"Am I a werewolf?"

"I'm sorry?" She asks with an awkward chuckle.

"Am I a werewolf?" You ask again, slower this time.

"Oh shit, did you turn?"

"Did I turn?! Is that your way of confirming that I am actually a werewolf?!" Your eyes widen.

"Honey-"

"Momma I need you to answer my question with a yes or a no, am I a werewolf or aren't I?" You ask. The words hang in the air for a moment before she sighs.

"You are." She says.

"Holy. Shit." You say before you can stop yourself, and when you look at Wanda you can tell by the look on her face that she knows exactly what you just heard.

***

Part 5/???

Tagged Users: @cjand10 @vicmc624

[sizzleissues]

Thoughts on conformation and recreation

Going to put heavy spoilers and theory stuff under a cut but just starting off saying I liked it. I do feel negative about certain aspects but I’m 90% certain that was intended. We’re supposed to be going ‘wait a minute’ about this ending.

The action was amazing and the animation gorgeous in parts. I really like BugNoire’s design.

Overall it didn’t disappoint me which I feel is the only thing and ending shouldn’t do. You can happy, mad, sad etc. about an ending but those emotions are most of the time intentional. But if it comes with disappointment then something has gone wrong. (Excluding minor stuff)

Anyway time to get specific

I love the mystery we still have with all that happened. I think it’s concluded what needed to end and left us with questions to answer in the following two seasons.

Are we supposed to think this was a ‘good/happy’ ending?

What’s up with Gimmi?

Will Marinette tell Adrien/ will Adrien find out and how will it impact both of them?

Is it Emilie or Amelie?

Who the heck visited Lila at the end?

What’s going to happen next?

Those are the questions I see people asking and trying to answer. None of those questions feel unanswerable and it’s plenty of fodder for speculation and fics in the coming year as we wait for season 6. I do want to know whether the special is pre or post season 5 because that will definitely affect things. I can’t see the reveal happening in a special but it’s certainly something to think about.

I think what made the finale special is the many layers it has, things that at first viewing you might miss. For example I saw someone in the last hour point out Marinette quite literally had a nightmare about what would happen if she reacted harshly (aka killed that motherfucker gabe) towards Monarch. Even though Marinette is shown to be an empathetic character and would probably try to talk it out anyway if she saw victory through it, that nightmare definitely pushed her to be more trusting.

In a way it worked. I believe that Gabriel’s wish was to trade his life for Nathalie’s and be able to join Emile. Marinette’s passion sort of proved to him that there were people who cared about Adrien still around even though he’d run out of time by the time he’d realised that neither Emile or Adrien wanted this.

He’s still a villain, he died a villain but that minor change of heart (as he said to Gimmi for his desire to simply read his heart) ensured Adrien would have Nathalie as a parental figure, maybe even bringing Amelie over to take more active care in her nephew and the freedom to be with Marinette, a girl who proved in Gabriel’s last moments that she would love Adrien no matter what. He’s still a villain in that his narcism demanded Marinette not to reveal the truth, remade the world to praise him for his sacrifice and probably a whole bunch of other issues that will unravel in season 6.

(In terms of him and Emile ascending, I don’t believe Gabriel got to go to ‘heaven’ or dragged Emile down to ‘hell’. He just got to be with her and got to have a peaceful death where they can be buried side by side. He isn’t getting an eternal reward for this.)

((If turns out to be Emile alive we’ll just have to see))

Whatever happened, there is obviously something wrong with this new world. It goes against all the motifs set up in previous episodes. I agree with the consensus that we are not supposed to feel entirely good about this ending. Uneasy for the future, nervous for Adrienette, curious about how it’ll unfold.

My feelings about the finale will probably change with season 6 coming out.

(Istg if when Lila-moth is taken down it’s not both Adrien and Marinette I will scream. Let them defeat her together. I get why they couldn’t be together for Gabriel, Adrien would still freak (especially with the nightmares) and he’s still under Gabriel’s control. I’d hoped they’d make it work but I think all the previous reveals/endings proved they couldn’t both take him down. Adrien would be made too fragile and Gabriel is difficult to reason with. I think the only thing that made him a little bit more able to listen to reason was because he was dying so the wish would have had to fix that too etc.)

[welcometothemaraudersspam]

valentine ~ h.s 

i listened to valentine by laufey while writing this. and i highly recommend you do as well. this got me all in my feels and i hope it does the same for you :3

i've rejected affection for years

and years

"you absolutely amaze me. you can't just do that to people,"

"and why not? it's my life- and last i checked i could do whatever the hell i wanted." you retorted back at your best friend who was shaking her head at you. you were spending your day off of work with one of your closest friends, secretly trying to make her head explode with your mind from all of her cristisim. your feet dangling on the back of the couch swiping through your phone, popping another grape into your mouth.

the tall girl was getting onto you for rejecting a guy who had been pining over you since you were 15. you guys had been playfully flirting with one another for some time, but you personally didn't take him seriously up until last year.

the two of you had gone on a couple dates, and while he thought things were going great, you just couldn't see yourself with him. hence the beginnings of this conversation because she had just found out that you had flat out stopped responding to the guy after he had said something that had irked you the week before.

"he's literally perfect for you! he's got the same sense of humor as you. he loves being outside. AND he wants kids."

"honey, i know you're trying to be helpful, but it's not that simple. i tried. i really did, but i couldn't. i just know when things click. i can feel them falling into place. but we were just a little too similar. we were butting heads, even this early into the relationship. he was hardheaded, so am i," sighing as you threw your phone down on the floor, your fluffy rug cushioning its fall. bringing yourself to get off the comfort of your sofa. padding into the kitchen, while speaking over your shoulder as you refilled your bowl with more snacks. "i'm indecisive, and so is he. the entire car ride was spent with us saying 'oh i don't mind' 'whatever you want' 'it's up to you'. it drove me INSANE. and i figured he would finally get the message. hey! I really don't like you, and maybe next time think about what you're saying before telling me you were expecting something different with me. stupid asshole..."

"i think it's just cause you're picky. you guys would have made cute babies,"

"if you like him so much, then why don't you date him?" the slight jab made her throw her pillow at you, a loud laugh leaving your lips. grabbing the biggest cube of cheese you could find on your bowl, chunking it at her face a cackle leaving the both of you guys' lips.

now i have, and damn it

its kind of weird

"hey, honey..." the sound of your nickname rolling off your boys tongue made you smile softly, turning to face the brunette whose face was currently smushed against the sofa. you eyed his sleepy frame, feeling your heart melt as you saw all of his bouncy curls sticking out from his hoodie. "i miss you."

a soft scoff left your lips, quirking an eyebrow up at him. you set down your batter covered spoon, crossing your arms across your chest feigning annoyance. harry had just woken up from a nap, his eyes still puffy. he just kept on smiling up at you, your facade crumbling with every second you spent looking at his face. shaking your head at the boy, strands of your hair falling onto your forehead.

"you're crazy, h."

"crazy for you." it was almost laughable how quickly that boy was able to respond to your comments with cheesy lines. even after a year, he still treated you exactly like he had in the early weeks of your relationship. taking it upon himself to woo you every chance he got.

you tossed the rag you had used to wipe off cookie dough from your arms, the dark red fabric plopping on his head of curls. "mmm. those cookies smell delicious, honey…red velvet?"

"your favorite." making your way over to harry, running your arms over his as you wrapped them around him. swatting the rag off his head, his green eyes popping out from behind the rag a playful glint in them. he adjusted his position to where he was sitting up, trying to drag you closer to him. "h, baby, i'm trying not to burn cookies over here."

"the quicker you get over here the quicker you get back to the cookies," he teased, his voice still raspy from having woken up. you allowed the brunette to tug you onto his lap, your knees on either side of his waist nearly melting into him due to how warm and cozy he was. his hands quickly finding their place on the small of your back, his thumbs rubbing over the exposed skin a small shiver made its way up your spine.

"you know- i feel like you do this on purpose. you get all nice and comfy, so whenever you wanna cuddle me you just pull me in; knowing damn well i can't resist you. and next thing you know, i'll never want to leave."

"that's the plan, lovey." a small flutter made its way to your chest, blush dusting your cheeks as you nuzzled into his face pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead. harry let out a noise of appreciation, nudging your nose with his as he tugged you closer. "your mouth smells like chocolate... were you eating the batter?"

"shut it,"

he tells me i'm pretty

don't know how to respond

bright. so damn bright. a soft whine left your lips as you attempted to twist away from the sunlight burning your eyelids. after spending a couple minutes of trying to ignore the bright white light, you decided to make a better use of your day and attempting to get up. your bleary eyes making eye contact with an inked chest, stiffening slightly. a small sound left your lips, as you rubbed your eyes to see if it was truly real life or if it was just a dream.

"pretty girl... did i wake you?" a soft flutter erupted in your stomach, smiling sleepily at his choice of words. he wrapped his arm around your frame, tugging you close to him laying your head on his chest. a soft whine left your lips as you nuzzled further into his warmth, allowing your legs to entwine with his. "still sleepy?"

"mhmm... so warm."

"then go back to bed, pretty girl." the sound of his morning voice, and with your head on his chest made him sound so good. so unreal. it was heavenly. you lifted your head up just to press a soft kiss on his startled lips, a chuckle leaving the brunette. you locked eyes with his bright green ones, wanting nothing more than to just spend all day staring at him.

"you're so pretty..." the brightest shade of pink dusted your cheeks, shying away from his stare. he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss onto your face.

i tell him that he's pretty too

can i say that?i don't have a clue

it truly didn't matter how many times your eyes looked onto that man, you were absolutely breath taken every time. he was gorgeous. absolutely beautiful. every tiny little scar, and the dark ink coating his toned skin. slowly lifting your hand up to trail it over the exposed skin. you traced the outline of every tattoo you could get your hands on, leaving featherlike kisses on his chest after you had finished a tattoo.

harry had told you many times about how insecure he got at times, especially after being on tour and most of his outfits being quite tight on him. so if he did have something he wasn't happy with, he knew his fans would end up capturing it from every possible angle.

but you couldn't see it.

you just couldn't.

he always told you about how sometimes his hair annoyed him because it never wanted to style just how he wanted it. his curls were always sticking out, every which way. he didn't like the little wrinkles by his eyes, that showed that he wasn't as young as he was whenever he first started. but you loved every inch of that man.

you made it your mission to shower that man in as much love and endless compliments, knowing it not only made him feel good but you would be able to see his cheeks flare up a bright red.

which was huge plus in your book.

one things you did every once in a while whenever you felt he was a little down; press a chaste kiss on his forehead, down to his left cheek, and then to his right, and then a nibble on his nose. if he hadn't already interrupted your nibble with his own lips, you would press a much awaited kiss onto his awaiting ones.

with every passing moment, i surprise myself

im scared of flies

im scared of guys

someone please help

"you have to get your shit together,"

"you think i'm not trying? i'm fucking terrified..."

"of what..?"

"of falling in love. i'm scared to let myself fall in love, cause i know the second i let that wall fall down he's gonna leave."

"you can't think like this-”

"i know! trust me i know. i just can't stop... every single person that i've dated, has always broken my heart like this. its only whenever i allow myself to relax, that's when they do it." your voice wavered at the end of that statement, tugging at the loose hairs that were falling out of your bun. your best friend was currently trying to get you to calm down, her worried eyes scanning your distressed figure.

you and harry's 1 year anniversary was coming up, right after valentines day and you were absolutely stressed. everything felt too good.

a little too good.

you were scared shitless. you felt like everything in the relationship was great. amazing, even. but you couldn't stop your anxiety from being at an all time high. harry had been a little distance, not incredibly, but enough for you to be stressed.

"he could just be busy, hon."

"he always tells me whenever he's busy. i just- what if i did something wrong?" she pursed her lips as she eyed you, her demeanor softening as she was realizing how worked up this was getting you. she wrapped her arm around you, allowing you to lay your head against her. "i'm sorry i get like this."

"no need to apologize. we just need to work on your fight or flight mode. and hopefully turn the flight off of auto."

"it's not my fault-"

"i know, sweets. but you can't just prepare for the worst whenever you get the slightest thought that he could be 'leaving'."

"i know... i'm just so scared of getting my heart broken, that my defense mechanism goes a little haywire."

cause i think i've fallen in love this time

i blinked, and suddenly i had a valentine

the sound of something crashing behind you made you jump, hastily turning around in fear of what the sound was. a groan leaving your lips as you realized your basket had fallen over.

you were in the middle of trying to build your boyfriend a gift for valentine's day, and things were going pretty good. well. they were.

you had taken it upon yourself to make him a goody basket with all of his favorite things; some throws for his house, a couple of his favorite brand of candles, his favorite sweets, and even a little crochet cow that you had made yourself as a spur in the moment decision. all you needed to do was throw them in the basket in an organized manner.

as a spontaneous decision you wanted to tie some balloons on the back of the basket; awful choice truly. for some reason you weren't thinking about using something to weigh down the basket before attaching the balloons, and next thing you knew the basket was laying sideways in a puddle of paint.

"you've got to be kidding me," you uttered some curse words, hurrying to grab some paper towels from the kitchen and trying to wipe the red blob of paint on the front of the basket. to no avail.

"everything okay in there, lovey?" the sound of harry's voice made you stiffen, halting your hurried movements. you scrambled to chuck the basket into the empty coat closet, struggling to get the balloons to cooperate with the door. you could give two shits about the paint getting on your clothes, successfully getting the door to shut.

the sound of harry making his way down the stairs made you jump into hyper speed, hastily grabbing a half done project of yours and plopping some of the bright paint on it and smearing it around with your hands to make it look like you were doing something. harry stopped as he spotted you sitting criss-cross on the floor, a smile making its way onto his face once he realized the mess you had made on yourself.

"lovey... you do know the paint goes on the canvas, right?"

"jesus, honey you scared me. and for your information, yes i do. the paint just doesn't like to stay on the canvas." you pouted, looking up at your boyfriend who was dressed in nothing but a pair of black sweatpants. you offered the brunette a paintbrush, a cheeky smile sported on your face. "wanna join? i can't make any promises that the paint won't get on you."

what if he's the last one i kiss?

a soft gasp left your lips. a small chuckle left harry, his face buried against your neck as he covered every inch of your neck in wet kisses. your hands buried themselves in his curls, tugging softly.

"lovey..." the warning tone in his voice made you giggle, allowing your thoughts to encourage him. tug. "don't tell me that i didn't warn you,"

a loud squeal left your lips as he hoisted you into the air. his hands finding their place on your waist your legs wrapping around his waist as he made his way towards your made bed.

what if he's the only one i'll ever miss?

"i don't want to go on tour,"

"then don't" you bluntly stated, a small smile tugging at your lips. harry just shook his head at you, chuckling at your statement. the brunette was currently packing all of his belongings from his closet that he had wanted to bring with him on tour, stuffing the last of his toiletries in a small bag.

"you know its not that easy-"

"i know, h. i'm just joking"

"but i wish you weren't... i don't want to have to miss you." he mumbled, running his fingers over the exposed skin on your torso.

today was the last day before he went back on tour, one of his biggest yet. while he was excited, the thought of leaving you behind still made him want to second guess himself. he was choosing today to take advantage of seeing you.

spent the morning cooking you breakfast, bringing it to you in bed where the pair of you cuddled and ate some delicious pancakes. and for lunch he insisted on cooking some pasta for the two of you to share, which was delicious.

and now as the sun was hiding behind the horizon, streams of purple, pink and orange coating half of the sky. you guys were in your favorite lounge chair, with his head on your lap watching the sun go down. your hands were running through his locks wanting to remember every second of this.

his lips.

his smile.

his dimples.

and even just his scent.

maybe i should run, im only 21

i don't even know who i want to become

"i feel like i don't have my life together, whatsoever. all i do is paint, and substitute teach like a couple times a week..i'm not doing what i wish i was doing. i just feel like i'm back in high school again. trying to kill time by picking up a job so i could at least make money and be bored."

"honey, if you're not happy, then why don't you just go out and try to find a job in what you like doing." harry's words sounded muffled over the phone, but the message was still clear. you nibbled on your bottom lip deep in thought as you were looking at your last paystub.

"it's not that, h. i just don't want to be a burden for you-"

i've lost all control of my heartbeat now

got caught in a romance with him somehow

i still feel a shock through every bone

when i hear an 'i love you'

cause now i got someone to lose

breath.

god damn it say it back.

stop looking at him like a fucking guppy.

"i love you too." a soft voice emitted from the tip of your mouth, feeling a warm sensation course through your body. you hadn't even noticed that your eyes had watered until a tear escaped and made its way down your cheek. harry's face lit up, bringing you by wrapping his arms around your waist. the warmth of your bodies pressed up against each other made the room 10x hotter, wanting nothing more than to remove your jacket and toss it across the room. the second your lips touched, you felt a small shock. like electricity making its way through every little vein in your body. allowing yourself to melt into his embrace.

that was the first time he had ever uttered those words and dear god if those were the most holy words you had ever heard in your life.

"i love you so much." harry mumbled those words onto your lips, his breath fanning your face feeling your knees buckled slightly as he tightened his grip on you. "are you glad i didn't say it months into us getting together?"

"i would have done it the first day if you let me," you teased, a rumble of laughter coming from harry who threw his head back in laughter. you joined in on his teasing, knocking into his shoulder. even though this moment was everything you could have ever hoped for and more.

there was the tiniest little voice whispering to you that harry could leave you at any second, and absolutely destroy you.

the first one to ever like me back

i'm seconds away from a heart attack

how the hell did i fall in love this time?

and honestly, i can't believe i get to call you mine

i blinked and suddenly

today was valentine's day, or as you liked to call it; one long ass anniversary day. you guys had officially been dating for over 3 years now, the best three years of your life. nevertheless, you were still terrified to see how harry would react to the gift you had made him.

that was your whole thing.

you love giving gifts.

absolutely loved it.

but you also took gifts incredibly serious. you just want everything to be perfect.

"before we went to dinner, i wanted to give you your gift. if you're okay with that." he chuckled, knowing you had been begging to shower him in gifts since you had woken up. but he wouldn't let you. he wanted to wait until after you guys had dinner.

you practically jumped into the air, almost breaking your ankle from your shoes. he just smiled at your newfound energy, practically vibrating from excitement.

"can i give you mine first?"

"absolutely you can, lovey."

after he had finished the first word you spun on your heels and made a break towards the couch. you would pay money to see what his expression looked him, as you proceeded to toss the cushions to the floor making small signs of approval as you found exactly what you were looking for. a small book; a beautiful leather cover that you had engraved yourself. h's initials were at the bottom of the spine.

"what in the world did you hide in the couch-"

his words were cut off by you spinning around with a nervous smile, showing the book to him. you felt like a toddler whenever they hold up something to their parents, a cheesy grin on their features. harry took the book from your hands as tenderly as he could, his fingers running over the intricate detail on the cover.

"love... wow. this is- this is beautiful. where in the hell did you find this?"

"i-i made it. i started working on it a couple months ago... i know how you're always trying to find new things to read. and to find inspiration for your songs. so i wrote you a book."

"you wrote me a book?!" the flabbergasted look on his face made you giggle. you went around the other side of the book so you could show him, turning the cover over so he could see that you had written it by hand. you had practiced over and over to make sure you didn't mess up the ink on the paper, or to ensure that you didn't misspell anything. "honey... i... my gift is gonna look like- i don’t- this is amazing. this is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me. thank you so much, i love you so much"

"oh hush. and of course honey, it’s no biggie... i love you most,"

"well... i- i don't even know how to follow that up." you giggled at what he said, pressing a soft kiss onto his cheek. his eyes were doe eyed as he stared at your face in complete adoration. you noticed a small movement from his hand, flickering down to a small box he had in his left hand. "honey... i love you so much. you have been one of the best constants in my life. i've never been this happy; ever. seeing your face every morning when i wake up just further proves my point. i know that you're the last person i ever want to miss. the last person i want to have to kiss. you have made me into a better person. you taught me patience, and learning how not to take things for granted... and i really can't imagine being able to see you walk down the isle with anyone other than me."

"harry..."

he took that as his cue to drop down on one knee, his eyes brimming with tears. a small sob left your lips, drawing your shaking hands up to your mouth. he propped the box open, your eyes falling on the prettiest and daintiest ring you had ever seen in your life.

this can't be real.

"will you please... make me the happiest person on this planet- no... in existence and do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me?"

breath.

a second passed by.

"i-what- of course! yes. yes! a million times yes!" you struggled to choke out, throwing your arms around the brunette who just let out a small cry as he held you tightly against his chest. he struggled to get the ring on with both of your hands trembling, small laughs leaving both of your tear stained lips.

and at that moment... your mind was silent.

there was no little voice.

no anxiety.

no second thoughts.

you knew. you knew that this is exactly as it should be.

i had a valentine

a/n: ahhhh! i haven’t written about the loml in forever, so please lemme know if you have any feedback. my requests are also open! feel free to spam me. thank you lovelies 🫶🏼

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for accidentally outing a classmate to our entire cast?

I (M18) am a senior at a prestigious catholic boarding school. As I'm sure you can imagine, being gay isn't exactly... common here. Honestly I've never met a single gay before this point

J (M18) is like. The resident golden boy. Everyone loves him, all the girls wants to date him, all the teachers think he's the greatest. Whatever. We've never gotten along, mostly because people keep trying to shove us together (we are both twins. Or. Were)

At the beginning of the school year my twin sister got hit by a bus and unfortunately didn't make it. Obviously this affected me greatly. I'm a bit ashamed to say it's only made my relationship with J worse, because I see him and his sister N (F18) and just think about my own sister.

J always gets the top score. J always wins all the sports matches. J gets to keep his perfect life with his sister. J even gets the girl I've had a crush on for AGES, Y (F17)

I set up a birthday party for Y with the help of some other friends (they kinda ruined it. There was a penis piñata) and I really thought Y would finally realize that I like her, but she was reallyyy wasted and pushed me away for J, basically saying that she wanted to fuck him and for me to piss off

Which fine, ok, whatever. Except a month ago I saw J kissing his roommate, P(M18) at a rave. Again, J and P are both guys. That night I thought maybe I'd imagined things or they were both really drunk or something, but at the night of Y's party, P found me outside. He was really high and I offered him some communion wine I'd snuck out and we got to talking, and apparently he and J are like. A thing. Which, no judgement, if that's what he wants to do I don't really care. I'm a lot closer with P than I am with J, anyway, so I'm fine with P being gay or whatever. But like, obviously, God isn't. So I was conflicted

So in confession the next day I told the priest that I had heard something that went against what God said, and I was confused. He basically told me to suck it up and God was always right which. I'm still conflicted about, because P is my friend, but being gay is a sin.

But I didn't tell the priest then that P and J were gay, just to be clear.

Last night we had a final rehearsal for our play, and when I showed up, Y and J were having an argument. And apparently J got Y pregnant.

Which obviously is insane, right? Because he's gay and so obviously he can't love her and he's just playing with her emotions. And so I told Y that J was gay and had a boyfriend

Except J was denying it and I started panicking. Then P showed up and he was also denying it, so I told Y everything- that P and J were dating and gay, and I told P that Y was pregnant and the kid was J's. And well... I guess everyone else from rehearsal showed up while I was yelling, so now everyone knows that J and P are gay and that Y is pregnant.

Y slapped me and stormed off, and obviously P and J are both pissed. After I slept, I realized what I'd done was really wrong. I tried to apologize to P backstage during our play, but he brushed me off. I can't find J, but I'm going to apologize to him too (I'm about to go on stage as I'm typing this, so I'll try and catch him after the show)

I feel really really bad about it, but it was a sort of heat of the moment thing and J was actively lying to Y, so AITA?

[hel-phoenyx]

15) The Bitch is Dead

Kaizarz and Matilda are @corneille-but-not-the-author's characters

The streets of Alfsjland are completely covered in black, today. I spot in some corners a little pit of purple, but it's the only color visible to my eyes, except for my own clothes, or my sons.

Junior is starting to walk, so today I was trustful enough to bring him in the city. I had groceries to buy anyway, and maybe I could try to find a job. Mom and Dad's fortune is waning by the day and I can't count on Tyrfing anymore.

The thought alone is enough to make me shiver in rage.

But Tyrfing is not important today. He didn't show his face since two years, anyway, it's like he's dead for everyone. He is, to me. But I hardly doubt such grief is for a fallen prince, even if people, from what I know, are unaware of what really happened on that boat.

Everyone walks with their heads low, and some of the bourgeoisie are even crying. Fake tears, no doubt, but they're people that could be executed if we didn't see the cry.

All of that is enough of a hint, but just to be sure, I hail a woman passing next to me. She has a child, too, so I can always call for her motherly pity if I am recognised.

"Excuse me ? I haven't been in the city for long, why is there so many grieving manifestations ?"

The woman pinches her lips.

"Ah, you must be from the contryside, if you haven't heard ! Her Majesty Matilda IIIrd died yesterday after a long agony, so we're grieving like we should for a sovereign !"

Her tone of voice is telling enough. She is absolutely not affected by her death, and if she wasn't in the open, with a woman she doesn't know, she would have told me the news with a smile.

But what she thinks is not important.

So the bitch is dead.

Ha.

Mom would have been so happy.

I nod, and take junior in my arms. If really Matilda is dead, we're even more in danger to be recognised. I may be dirty, considerably thinner that before and my hair only is starting to grow back from the grief haircut, but the second I'm spotted and it's all over.

Junior is technically an heir to the crown, after all. And if Tyrfing doesn't reappear, he may be the next in line.

"Thanks, ma'am. I take it the coronation is soon ?"

"Tomorrow, in fact. Those old crows at the council are in a rush to put his Highness on the throne, we've got the shortest grief period for a king I've ever seen. And I've seen Hrogni die, my good lady."

I try to keep a composed face hearing the name of my grandfather. Please, gods, whatever is hearing me, make so that she doesn't notice she's talking to his granddaughter.

Junior is squirming in my arms, but I keep him close. Anxiety will get the better of me if I don't let go. He's the only one I have left. I can't let people take him from me.

"This is not surprising, even where I'm from I heard his Highness is one of the most popular heirs to the throne in a long time."

Even though it hurts so much to say it. I hope no one can taste the acid in my mouth. Not even junior.

It's not good to show hatred to the king in those times and ages.

And of course, the woman nods and smiles.

"For sure. So young, and he managed to at least halt so many of the crises this country is going through. With him on the throne, we're sure to prosper, and who knows, maybe we'll stop this war !"

I don't believe it one second. He wasn't even able to stop a tragedy.

But I can't say that to that lady. She would treat me with far less kindness. And maybe the smile she is giving me would falter even more surely than my husband's life.

"I've heard the entire city is invited to the coronation, that the palace is gonna be open to everyone! Maybe I'll go, if I can afford a day of. Will you, my good lass ?"

I smile.

It is far too forced.

"Maybe."

But I already know the answer.

Seeing him with the crown on his head would be far too painful.

****

I was fishing on the shore, to redo my food stock, and maybe earn a coin or two. It's easy for me to fish, after all. I call upon me the sea creatures, and a spell leaves them helpless in my hand. It's one of the only reasons I didn't die yet, even if I so badly wanted to.

Anyway, I was fishing on the shore. Hidden from most, like usual; far away from my home, just in case. That's probably why I hear footsteps on the sand, on the other side of the cliff.

Besides some people from my past, I haven't heard humans for so long. It may be why I stopped what I was doing to get closer and eavesdrop. I won't get better ways to learn about news from the kingdom, after all.

They're two. Two children, teenagers maybe ; not older than I was when I last sailed. They're wearing ragged clothes, their faces are covered on dirt and under the clothing I can feel their thinness, but they're smiling like War herself gave them the wooden weapons they're holding.

"Haven't you heard ?" says one of them to his friend. "The Mad Queen is dead !"

"No way. How did you know that ?"

"I went to steal some bread in the market today and heard some people talking about it ! And then I asked Lucja and she said that they were right, that we're burying her today !"

They're still chirping, with the enthousiasm I would expect from kids, but I can't hear their words anymore.

So the Mad Queen is finally dead. She was, from what I can remember, in agony even two years ago. Constantly confined in her room, not talking to anyone ; at that point, she was queen only by name. Her son took over the regency something like three years ago.

That's what caused the biggest unrest.

I haven't heard anything else since then. Maybe because I, myself, became a shut-in. But if the queen is dead, and the children are talking about it with so much enthousiasm... I guess there is still an heir left.

Again, I pricked up my ear. The teens are still talking, with even more enthousiasm.

"The coronation is tomorrow," says one of them, the one that warned his comrade of the death of the Mad Queen. "And the people are invited ! I wanna go so badly..."

"You can't, your mom's going to kill you if you don't work a day ! We still need to eat, remember ?"

"Yeah, but that suuuucks ! I wanted to see the king ! Is he as tall as the legends say ?"

I sigh.

Knowing him, probably even taller.

So the day has come. Kaizarz is finally getting crowned. This was bound to happen, after all, but I can't help my heart to sink in my chest. The future really is unmovable, isn't it ?

A long time ago, I would have been delighted. Today it's just making me... I don't know. Sad. Woeful. I don't know. It doesn't feel as bad as it could, tho.

His coronation is tomorrow.

I promised him I'll be there when I was eight.

Today I'm almost eighteen, and that promise doesn't hold much weight anymore.

But

Maybe I can still keep it.

Maybe I'll see you tomorrow

my friend.

[skojukebox]

Loft (2005) is a film directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. Kurosawa is probably best known for Cure (1997) and Kairo (2001), both of which are fantastic movies. Outside of those and Sweet Home, I've never seen any of his other films until now.

Loft follows Reiko, a novelist who is struggling with writers' block and health problems. Her editor, in an effort to get her away from city life which seems to be negatively affecting her, moves her out into an old rural house to do her writing. Not long after arriving, she notices a man bringing what appears to be a bodybag into an old run down research building across the road. This turns out to be one professor Makoto Yoshioka, who is studying an ancient body which was pulled from a nearby swamp, mummified in mud.

Yoshioka's mental state has been crumbling ever since the day he found the mummy. When students come to visit the research building, he asks Reiko to allow the mummy to be stored in her home for a few days. This results in Reiko beginning to discover just what Yoshioka has been going through

Fundamentally, Loft is a pretty straightforward ghost story. It doesn't seem it at first, with a focus on ancient mummies and a few subplots that twist and turn throughout the film, but the core plot is something you could find told in a Poe story. It's... I would say, all right? It keeps you guessing enough to never feel entirely comfortable with knowing what's going on or what's going to happen up until the very end.

But the plot truly isn't what Loft is about. This movie is just oozing an atmosphere that I would describe as "desolation." Everything about it is so lonely and miserable and isolated. Reiko, moving into her new home which is far too big for one person and full of empty wasted space. Yoshioka, all alone and brooding and unable to tell anyone how much he's suffering except for the mummified corpse he can't leave the side of. It makes you feel gray and sad. There's barely any score throughout the film, too, even during scary scenes; the most you might get are quiet scenes or a few seconds of ominous ambient music.

It aids in the film's overall dreamy feeling, of which there is ample. It's got a very Lynchian vibe to it with lots of long shots, haunting stares, and strange and disjointed conversations between characters. There is a recurring element of people going into dream sequences with almost no transition and it constantly keeps you on your toes trying to discern how much of what you're watching is real. Also, in general, very pretty. I was watching a pretty crummy rip of it with not-so-great resolution but even in that form I could tell it was a gorgeous movie and I am probably going to buy or rent to rewatch next time (which you seem to have to do with all of Kurosawa's movies at the moment. Fuck streaming services!!!!!)

Another thing I have to touch on is the ghost sequences. Kairo, which I mentioned earlier, has some terrifying ghost sequences which are unnaturally and otherworldly. Probably top 3 scariest movies ever made in my opinion. This has a different tactic that I love in that, like the rest of the movie, it is very quiet and sparse. There's no scare chords, violent zooms, shrieking in your face, violent head wobbles, anything like that; ghosts are just there. They will appear onscreen with no more than a gentle rustle of chimes at most, and yet that absence of sound to make you jump makes you feel a hundred times more rotten to your stomach than Kayako running at you while groaning or whatever.

There's a lot of subtlety in this movie that I think I need to rewatch, but a recurring element to me seems to be the idea of a danger of letting people and things in. It's a return to that element of desolation, but it fascinated me even now just letting it percolating it into my brain. The mummy, swallowing mud to obtain eternal youth only to die forgotten at the bottom of a swamp for a thousand years. Reiko, allowing the mummy to be stored into her house and getting pulled into the nightmare. The editor constantly letting himself into the home unasked, Yoshioka living a closed off life and only allowing someone to know what is troubling him at the very end and paying for it.

Like Pulse, it's a very bleak and grim outlook on life and living. Maybe not one I agree with, but a well told one, and fascinatingly presented. Maybe I'm reaching a little bit here, but I think it's a good sign a movie got me thinking about it even as I'm writing about it now.

Like all the J-horror I've watched this month this one is difficult to reccomend to everyone. I'm not sure how well it did in Japan (there's shockingly little info about this movie online at a cursory glance, it barely even has a wiki page), but I see a lot of the same old "this one's booooring" leveled at it. If you're into horror for blood and guts and screams, skip it. But if you appreciate atmosphere and thoughtful ghost stories, give it a watch.