#whataboringpost

[whataboringstory]

Gwen knighted Merlin when she became queen. The number one thing on her agenda was giving her best friend some appreciation. Merlin persuaded Gwen to keep it a secret from Arthur because a) he thought it would be funny, b) he didn’t want Arthur to make him join in with knight training and c) he knew Arthur would be intolerably jealous as Merlin would be Gwen’s knight

[whataboringstory]

I think I’ve seen posts before about how Lancelot seems calm and sensible but is actually chaotic and encourages Merlin to be chaotic but like.... Gwen gives the same energy.

- Gwen walks in on Merlin doing dumb and/or illegal shit more than anyone else in the show I’m pretty sure (/assuming because I’ve only rewatched a few episodes since last may).

- She helps Merlin commit theft of a heavy ass statue in season 1 episode 2 after just meeting him. Just a normal day in Camelot.

- in episode 9 Merlin’s like ‘hey can you steal a nice swordy sword from your father and give it to me please’. She’s like ‘yup sure. He’ll kill me if he finds out I’ve given you this sword but here you go. Love you. Good luck!’. Merlin never returns the sword. Gwen never asks.

- She walks in on Merlin stealing from Morgana multiple times. We see Gwen walking in, always looking amused and teasing him slightly. Then it cuts to the next scene and Merlin’s walking along like he hasn’t just been caught. Gwen’s never concerned by his habits and never seems to be mad/ tell him off/ warn him to at least be more careful. She’s so chill about it.

- Don’t even get me started on season 3 episode 3. Merlin is arrested for sorcery. He breaks out of jail - no one questions how. He pops up in Gwens house, almost scaring her to death, while guards are rushing past the house. When she sees that it’s just her idiotic criminal friend Merlin, she’s just like ‘ffs come here let me harbour your criminal ass and risk my own neck’. 0 questions asked. Oh you want to kill Guais, Merlin? You want to poison him? Yeah sure I’ll help you, that sounds like great fun. Let’s catch this goblin together.

- There’s probably more examples but, again, I’ve only rewatched a few episodes recently so

- In conclusion, I think Gwen is even more chaotic than Lancelot. I love her.

I love her dynamic with Merlin so much. They’re so soft together. Chaoticness aside, they never hesitate to help the other out if they’re in need and that’s so beautiful. They never judge each other for anything either. And they always give the other support, emotionally I mean, when they see that the other’s feeling low or insecure.

Back to the chaos: Imagine if Lancelot never left. Imagine the chaotic trio that would have been Merlin, Gwen, and Lancelot. Imagine if Gwen had also found out about Merlin’s magic earlier, and her and Lancelot formed the Merlin protection squad. Merlin would have been their criminal son that they loved unconditionally. If only

[whataboringstory]

Going through my drafts part 2. Just found this gem of a modern au:

Merlin and Arthur early on in their relationship jokingly/drunkenly make a pact that when they get married, they’ll take the last name of whoever proposed. However, they’re both quite attached to their surnames. So years later, when one of them, let’s call them dumbass 1, finally proposes, the other (dumbass 2) says no. A few days later, dumbass 2 proposes. Dumbass 1 rejects them. They go back and forth proposing to each other for years until it becomes a daily thing, always trying to find ways to make the proposals more and more ridiculous. They’re both too stubborn to give in for the longest time. But then one uneventful day, either dumbass 1 or 2 sees the other doing something stupid (such as walking into a door, or spilling a drink, or ‘losing’ something that they’ve been holding the whole time) and just sighs and says “we’re fucking hyphenating our names.”

Part 1

[whataboringstory]

Been thinking.

You know those jokes that are like “can someone plz date me until Red (Taylor’s Version) comes out?”

Well does anyone know of any fics where Merlin is a major Swiftie and begs Arthur, his best friend, to please please just pretend to date him for a few months just so he can fully appreciate the album in all its glory. As like a joke. And Arthur reluctantly agrees. And then it’s basically a fake dating au except the twist is they’re jokingly faking for themselves, not to convince other people. Everyone in their lives knows they’re pretending, they were told. They think it’s hilarious. They were told that the relationship is fake but they’re also the only ones that know that the relationship is actually “fake”, because of course Merlin and Arthur are oblivious and only realise that “Oh wait… I’m actually so in love with him” when they break up. And they’re both utterly heartbroken, but pretend they’re not, but cry so hard to the album when they’re alone. And you know how it goes… angst, lack of communication, pining, until they finally admit to each other that it wasn’t at all fake.

Has anyone read anything like that? If not start writing please.

………On that note, I currently am still taking applications for sapphics that would want to be my girlfriend until November

And now for some lyrics that would fit the non-existent fic:

“And I neverrrrr saw you comingggggg.

And I’ll neverrrrrrer be the saaaaammeeeeee”

“And I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand”

“I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away. I hear the sound of my voice asking you to stay”

“And I just want to tell you it takes everything in me not to call you, and I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do.”

“You took the time to memorise me, my hopes, my fears and dreams. I just like hanging out with you all the time. All those times that you didn’t leave, it’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life.”

“Come back and tell me why I’m feelin like I missed you all this time, and meet me there tonight and let me know that it’s not all in my mind.”

“I told myself don’t get attached, but in my mind I play it back, spinning faster than the plane that took you.

And this is when the feeling sinks in; I don’t wanna miss you like this. Come back, be here.”

“Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.”

[whataboringstory]

The way Merlin just knew what the spell was to put a toad in someone’s throat

[whataboringstory]

Going through my drafts part 1:

Can’t remember writing this but past me is valid I think; Merlin from season one would have ate that shit up.

I think what I was trying to get at with this post was that earlier seasons Merlin was so innately chaotic and energy-filled that this would have suited him and been so fun for him — especially the surprising Arthur with his skill. Younger Merlin would have revelled in proving he wasn’t as unskilled as people thought he was, that he was actually more special than people were aware of.

But by season 5, Merlin has been through so much shit. Proving himself is no longer on his list of priorities. He’s withdrawn, depressed, isolated, jaded. It must hurt every time Arthur is surprised to learn new things about him, he’s reminded about how much of himself he hides from everyone. The weight of it is crushing at this point, 10 years later and 0 secrets lighter. The performance he gives for Arthur and Annis, being Arthur’s “Fool”, is so symbolic/significant. In season one maybe he was the fool. He was young, impulsive, clumsy, figuring out who he was and where he stood, who he could trust. Now he’s grown up and matured, and now it really is all an act. Every day is now a ‘performance’, more so than before. And fuck that must hurt. Especially now that he’s grown so close to the people he���s performing for.

I mean think about it… just a few hours earlier, he saw Arthur dying in a vision. He watched his best friend die and then had to pretend everything was fine - though he isn’t really as good at pretending anymore. Or maybe Arthur’s just better at noticing. Or both. But he keeps pretending anyway, having to put on an act each day, having to isolate himself in his secrets and worries.

Got sidetrack by the angst but the actual point I was actually trying to make is that I’m just mourning smiley season one Merlin, who loved fucking with Arthur (see: the key scene. Make that SCENES, plural. I was thinking of the one with the soup/stew but actually all the scenes involving keys work), not getting the enjoyment of making Arthur’s head implode

Part 2

[whataboringstory]

If “everything that makes you Merlin will be gone” when the Fommorah takes over Merlin’s brain, why was he still full to the brim of sass

[whataboringstory]

Merlin: cat person

Arthur: dog person

Gwen: cat person

Morgana: cat person

Gwaine: dog person

Lancelot: hmm.. could be either but I’m leaning towards cats?

Leon: dogs

Elyan: ummmm cats?? Maybe?

Percival: dogs

Mithian: dogs

Freya: she is literally a cat with wings

Uther: doesn’t deserve an animal’s unconditional love and affection

Guias: a cat knocking all of his fancy shmancy science shite off of his shelves would be hilarious so cats

Mordred: I don’t fucking know. It’s 4:30am. Um cats

Who am I forgetting

Kilgharrah: doesn’t have a good track record of looking after living things in his care *cough* Aithusa *cough* so he can be lonely

Aithusa: deserves a little kitten playbuddy

I bet I’m forgetting a really main character

Uh

Morgouse: that can not be how her name in spelt, surely I typed that wrong. I feel like it has an a in it. Morgause looks more likely huh. Yeah it’s Morgause for sure. The first attempt of mine looks like Morgoose. Anyway she’s a bitterness person

Nimueh: cats

Agravaine: cats will feast on him as he sleeps, the slimy bastard. God I feel sorry for the cats

Cenred: dogs

ELENAAAAA NOOO HOW DID I FORGET YOUUUU: dogs

I think that’s everyone, right? If not, too bad

George: has named whatever goddam pet he has after a metal. Or his pet is made out of metal. Brass specifically

Deagal: that’s a tough choice. Maybe dogs? He follows Merlin around like a puppy so let’s go with that

Geoffrey of Monmouth: also can not be how his name is spelt. Unless it is. I think it is actually. Um cats

Yeah I’m done now.

[whataboringstory]

How did Big Grumpy Lizard survive in that cave for 20 years. Because like... I assume dragons do eat, right? And a lot, you know.. to be massive and powerful and strong.

Did Uther send guards to feed him? Did they throw dead horses at him?

Did Killy hunt fucking rats? Did he survive off of tiny little not-even-bite-sized rodents?

Is there a massive lake somewhere in the cave he could drink from?

[whataboringstory]

I love how in season one Merlin is always absolutely anywhere except Arthur’s chambers. He pretends like he doesn’t even have a job. It’s beautiful.

[whataboringstory]

Okay so I wrote paragraphs upon paragraphs yesterday about how much Fearless means to me and why I was crying for the first time in a long time at 5am when the album was released on Friday (that’s all staying in the notes app dw). I spoke a fair bit particularly about how underrated Breathe is and how I never see anyone talk about that song. I usually have to skip that song when it comes up because it makes me feel too many things (because of reasons completely unrelated to this post), but it’s so beautiful and so heartbreaking. I listened to Breathe again for the first time in a while yesterday and fuCK.

But in relevance to this blog, if you listen to the lyrics to that song....

“None of us thought it was gonna end that way”

“It’s killing me to see you go after all this time”

“It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see ‘Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down, Now I don’t know what to be without you around”

“And we know it’s never simple, Never easy”

“No one here to save me”

“You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. People are people, And sometimes it doesn't work out, Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out”

“It's two am, Feelin' like I just lost a friend. Hope you know this ain't easy, Easy for me”

“I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to,”

“I’m sorry”

... need I really spell out which hopeless, tragic gays that reminds me of and which fucking episode it could tell the story of. If you’re not a fan of the ship, the song is actually about a friendship

[whataboringstory]

Merlin is a hardcore Taylor Swift stan

[whataboringstory]

I have been fairly absent recently due to completing my education but I am now free so I can bless you all with my very insightful comments once again. Over the next few weeks I’m just going to go through all my drafts of posts I’ve been meaning to make and i will try to figure out wtf I meant (because most of my drafts consist of only 1 or 2 words that past swamped-with-revision me very helpfully thought would be enough to jog my memory). T’will be interesting methinks, especially as some of these drafts are from close to a year ago. It’s a wide range of things if I remember correctly, from parallels I noticed to random headcanons, fic ideas, analysis of characters/moments, thoughts about comments made in the commentaries, Guinevere appreciation, gay moments etc so look forward to it🔪

[whataboringstory]

Just thinking about how it’s canon that Merlin fell off of a literal cliff

[whataboringstory]

OH AND THE WAY HE ROPES GWEN INTO HELPING HIM STEAL A DOG STATUE IN EPISODE 2. THE WAY HE MARCHES IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE COURT IN EPISODE 3 AND DECLARES HIMSELF A SORCERER. AND THE WAY HE THINKS ITS A GREAT IDEA TO GET LANCELOT TO COMMIT IDENTITY THEFT IN EPISODE 5. Feral.

I don’t think we talk about how much of a feral country boy Merlin was in season one (and the earlier seasons generally).

I haven’t rewatched the show since May so my memory is a little rusty but this boy shows up to Camelot- a place where he will literally be murdered if he flashes his sparkly eyes around- with so much damn confidence. It’s a little iconic and my anxiety-ridden ass is a little jealous. But like only a little because feral country boy was a bit of a mess.

He shows up to Camelot and on his first day, he tries to start a fight with a knight. A KNIGHT. Not only is he a knight but he’s also the PRINCE. It’s good and all standing up for the little guy and trying to get the knights to treat the servant better but this feral country boy straight up RIPS OFF HIS JACKET and just LAUCHES himself at a fucking KNIGHT who was THROWING KNIVES a second ago. Feral. Iconic. Lil country boy has no shame and no self-preservation.

Then the next day, feral bastard bumps into Prince Prat again and just sasses him so fucking hard. Who gave him the authority to hold that much sass in his feral body. Feral boy then gets into annother goddam fight.

Again, my memory’s shite so I’m skipping to season 1 episode 4 when Merlin accuses Bayard(?) of poisoning Arthur’s chalice. Feral boy is so confident in that scene. He STARES this KING down that he just accused being like “it’s alright, I’ll drink the poison and you’ll see that this bitch is a lying stinky bitch that just tried to poison my prince. RIP me I guess but at least I’m not a liar” and downs the glass while keeping DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Feral energy.

Skipping ahead again to season 2 episode 1 because my memory’s shite. Feral farm boy full on BODYSLAMS Cedric into the floor, wrestles with him then crawls under Arthur’s bed trying to fucking catch him while Arthur is looking on so confused about why he’s in love with this fucking idiot who is ready to throw hands 24/7.

Jump to season 2 episode 7. Guias is accused of sorcery, Uther sentenced him to death, Aridian (i cba to google how to spell his name, bitch doesnt deserve a correct spelling) goes on about purging the magic out of him with fire. Feral farm lad pops out and starts shouting about how arridian is a liar and charges towards him. He then has to be half tackled and dragged away by Arthur while looking like an angry mouse. Then once Arthur has him out of sight in the dungeons, Feral country boy tries to deck Arthur in the face. Valid reaction but fucking feral.

I know there’s gotta be countless more examples but thats all I can come up with today. I really wonder what he was like in Ealdor. He was probably bullied a lot by the other kids, because 1) he’s a little magic boy who can barely control himself at the start, so he probably acted pretty strange in order to keep the secret 2) He’s a bastard 3) He’s a sweetheart who’s so kind and lovely and that’s often seen as a weakness in men(which is total bull). So yeah, he probably didn’t have the best time. But he did have his friend Will, who was also feral and very angry and probs not the best influence, but he really needed will there.(I bet they caused so much trouble in the village and I live for that thought). I think having to deal with people picking on him growing up probably caused him to have to have that bravado and willingness to always stand up for himself/others and get into physical fights with arseholes. He holds so much confidence even though he comes from no high-valued background and has 0 power (0 non-magical power). I think his magic also made him a little cocky. He was a cocky little bitch. Love to see it.

We love feral farm boy

[whataboringstory]

Okay backstory I was too tired to type out yesterday:

- In the year that Lancelot was a knight in Camelot, Gwen overheard multiple conversations between Lance and Merlin about how “you don’t get enough credit”, “you do more here than anyone”, “everyone would be so dead without you”, “I can’t believe you saved everyone again”, “please for the love of god tell me that isn’t actually your plan. I won’t mourn you if you die of stupidity”, “please tell me you took time to sleep in between defeating xyz and babysitting the prince, you look like shit” - they’re really not as subtle as they think they are (see: the shirt incident 4.01).

- Unlike the rest of Camelot’s population, Gwen isn’t dumb. Of course she pieces together at least part of the truth. She knows M protects Camelot somehow. She suspects magic has something to do with it, and suddenly everything starts making sense: how he’s always right there when people needed saving, why she’s always felt drawn to him when she’s in trouble, how she instinctively feels so safe around him.

- She knows that Lancelot is the only friend of Merlin’s that knows his secret, so when he sacrifices himself, she knows how alone Merlin feels and how much Lance’s loss will effect him - that’s when she finally tells Merlin that she knows that he does more for Arthur than clean up after him. They don’t really go into much detail, because Gwen doesn’t want to make Merlin uncomfortable, but Gwen makes it known to Merlin that she will always be there for him and that he doesn’t have to go through anything alone. They grieve together for a while after that.

- They don’t really talk about it much, but whenever some threat suddenly goes away, Gwen sends a subtle nod and smile in Merlin’s direction.

- Then when Gwen is crowned queen, she drags Merlin out of his room and knights him with her own personal sword (which she made herself and is quite proud of).

- They celebrate together, drinking wine and discussing all the castle gossip like they used to when they were both servants. It helps Gwen adjust to her new role, illeviating some of her worries about becoming alienated from her old friends because of her rise in rank. They talk about how livid Lancelot would be to have missed the ‘ceremony’. They know he would have been so proud, of both of them. (Merlin told her about the shade stuff).

- Any time Merlin is being reckless, she threatens to tell Arthur about his knighthood.

- She pays Merlin more than Arthur pays him. Merlin doesn’t want to accept the extra money and tries to give it back but Gwenny doesn’t let him. Merlin shares the money equally with the rest of the serving staff. He thinks Gwen doesn’t know, and doesn’t want to tell her to avoid hurting her feelings because he does really appreciate it, but of course she knows. It’s exactly what she would do if the roles were reversed.

- While she does know about his magic, she doesn’t really know the whole extent of his powers - hence the “do I know him” conversation with Gaius. She didn’t realise her best friend was practically a god. She holds a playful grudge about that for a while.

- After Camlann, she knights him again in front of the whole court, publicly allying herself with his people and accepting magic into the kingdom.

Gwen knighted Merlin when she became queen. The number one thing on her agenda was giving her best friend some appreciation. Merlin persuaded Gwen to keep it a secret from Arthur because a) he thought it would be funny, b) he didn’t want Arthur to make him join in with knight training and c) he knew Arthur would be intolerably jealous as Merlin would be Gwen’s knight