#I’m so glad I’m mentally stable right now

[juustokaku]

Confidentiality - Chapter 1. - yandere!ATEEZ OT8 x f!reader

Introduction: Joining a peer support group for mentally ill was a good idea for the last two times you were there. Then it's only natural for the third time to go well too, right?

Pairings: yandere!Hongjoong x reader, yandere!Seonghwa x reader, yandere!Yunho x reader, yandere!Yeosang x reader, yandere!San x reader, yandere!Mingi x reader, yandere!Wooyoung x reader, yandere!Jongho x reader

A/N: This is my first fan fiction I have posted in years! I'm sorry that the beginning might bore you but I'm trying to make the next chapters more interesting. This was more of an introduction than the real story. Also, please, forgive me for my English. It's not exactly immaculate since it isn't my first language. Thank you to everyone who might stumble across this and read!

Word count: 3 207

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The first time you had been shaking in your boots. The next time you had been shaking as much. And now, hopefully for the last time, you were still shaking. 

“What are you doing here? This is private property,” a relatively old lady opened the door you were standing behind and furrowed her thin brows. 

It was winter, and you were cold already, but the chill that ran down your spine at the woman’s words made you almost visibly shudder. Did she not remember you? 

Your hands inside your mittens squeezed into fists. Anxious tears welled up in your eyes. As usual, you couldn’t handle people being angry or even stern at you. 

You would have probably run away in a couple seconds, but the woman smiled at you suddenly and pushed the door wide open. 

“I’m just joking, dear. I remember you.” 

She was supposed to be a mental health professional but still she dared to joke like that while aware of your struggles. You felt a bit irritated but didn’t dare to show it to her. She didn’t mean to scare you. 

As you stepped inside the house your anxiety levels settled down for a moment. You felt a little more comfortable despite the fusty smell. The room was designed to look inviting and homey probably to make the patients relax. It was kind of like visiting a grandma which made you feel nostalgic. 

“I’m glad you decided to join again,” the woman smiled sincerely as you took off your boots and set them neatly on the shoe rack. 

You nodded, “I’m a bit anxious but eager to receive some help again.” 

It was the third time you had joined a peer support group for people who were suffering from mental health problems. The same woman who was in front of you had held it every time. You thought she was some kind of therapist but weren’t sure anymore. It was always hard for you to remember the introductions, because your mind was an anxious mess when meeting new people. 

She led you to the familiar room where all the previous support groups had been held too. 

 10 armchairs were placed in a wide circle. Their colors were restrained and mild so that people who had sensory issues wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Well, they would probably feel uncomfortable here anyways due to other reasons, but it wouldn’t feel as insufferable as it could if the chairs were all bright, neon version colors of rainbow. 

The lighting was comforting and warm, a stark contrast to the cold lights of a hospital. 

As you were taking in the feelings of the room, the woman started speaking. 

“Uh, I have to tell you something,” she started, sounding apologetic, “All the other group members are new. None of them have been here before.” 

“Oh. Are any of them aggressive?” you asked nervously. 

The information that you hadn’t met any of the other patients stressed you out. What if one of them was aggressive and attacked you? 

“You worry too much, Y/N. They’re as stable and gentle as little lambs.” 

“If they were stable, they wouldn’t be in this group.” 

The woman chuckled a bit, her dimples showing as the corners of her lips rose in amusement. 

“Trust me. Everyone is kind and calm,” the woman assured you. 

Suddenly a man barged in and declared, “I have arrived! Get ready for trouble!”  

Your heart almost stopped and a fight-or-flight response was close to being activated. But after the initial scare he gave you settled down, you stared at the man with surprise and nervousness. 

Despite his attention-demanding entrance, his looks were a little less extra. He was really handsome though. He had black hair and casual clothes but your attention was caught by his mischievous dark brown eyes and a little mole under his eye. 

“What’s your name?” the man noticed your staring and rushed to you before you could run away. 

You barely remembered your name when the man was suddenly in front of you, a bit too close to your liking. Somehow you managed to mutter out your name to him. 

“Ah, Y/N. I’m Wooyoung,” the man introduced himself, “You have beautiful eyes.” 

If you didn’t forget how to speak when Wooyoung asked your name, you definitely did now. How were you supposed to answer when a stranger complimented your eyes out of the blue? 

Wooyoung continued inspecting your face and expressions intently. 

“Thank you... You have very... interesting eyes as well,” you smiled sheepishly. 

“That sounds almost like an insult,” Wooyoung pouted, “Aren’t my eyes beautiful too?” 

Oh no. Did Wooyoung think you didn’t think of his eyes as beautiful? 

“No, no! I mean yes, your eyes are beautiful. I just didn’t want to sound like a creep by complimenting you too much.” 

Wooyoung grinned at you, “Don’t worry. I know what you meant.” 

What was wrong with everyone, joking around like that? You had your first mini heart attack earlier when you thought the woman didn’t recognize you and now Wooyoung made you think you insulted him gravely. 

You took a seat on one of the armchairs. Wooyoung sat down next to you, staying quiet but glancing at you sometimes. Pretty often, to be honest. All of the time, actually. 

The woman started talking with him but you couldn’t focus on listening to their conversation at all. Just fiddling with your fingers nervously as you imagined how the other patients would be like. 

One by one, all of the patients arrived. Two of them were late which irritated you. You just wanted to get this session over with already. 

You didn’t dare to look at anyone but you had noticed to your horror that all of the other patients were men. Maybe they would gang up on you after this session and beat you up. That’s what men did, right? You had read a lot about those kind of things on the internet. 

“Alright kiddos,” the woman started, “My name is Charlotte Abbot, and I welcome you to this peer support group.” 

None of you were “kiddos” anymore but young adults. Charlotte probably just felt a lot older with all those wrinkles on her face. 

She went on and on about how the group works and the importance of confidentiality. A few members of the group didn’t focus at all and were looking around curiously to see who were the people that had joined the group. 

“Who wants to introduce themselves first?” Charlotte asked. 

Wooyoung raised his hand and started talking before Charlotte could give him a permission, “My name is Jung Wooyoung. My favorite color is black. My favorite fruit is strawberry. I like dancing. I like taking photographs. I like cooking. I like-”  

Charlotte interrupted him, “Thank you, Wooyoung. Let’s give everyone a chance to introduce themselves briefly before revealing more.” 

An extraordinarily stylish man raised his hand before he started speaking. 

“I’m Kim Hongjoong. I’m the CEO of my own fashion brand.” 

You almost gasped out loud. No wonder he was so stylish. He looked cool both in appearance and attitude. The look on his face was so focused that you bet he was a hardworking man. 

“My name is Choi San. I am a personal trainer. Nice to meet you all,” a man sitting one seat away from you introduced himself politely. 

You could definitely see that he was a personal trainer. His looks probably distracted all his customers from working out to look at him. 

“Jeong Yunho,” a tall man next to you smiled kindly, “I’m a police officer but I do a lot of volunteering at animal shelters as well.” 

You almost let your heart melt at Yunho’s words but you reminded yourself that he could be lying to make himself look more trustworthy. He could actually be a mastermind criminal who’d lure you into his trap with his promises of playful puppies and cute kittens. 

“Choi Jongho,” another man simply said. 

Everyone waited for him to continue but he stayed silent. 

“That’s it?” Wooyoung asked. 

“Shush, Wooyoung. If Jongho doesn’t want to say anything more yet, he doesn’t have to,” Charlotte reminded gently. 

“Song Mingi. But you can call me Mingi. Or Mingus Dingus,” another tall man chuckled. 

“Mingus... Dingus?” Wooyoung repeated, holding back his laughter. A couple other men in the room snorted too. 

Mingi looked a little offended and explained, “It’s my stage name. I’m a rapper.” 

You wondered what was behind Mingi’s sunglasses. Why did he wear them inside in the first place? Was he trying to hide something else than just his eyes? 

It was clear that none of them were here to hurt you. But all of these new people were making you nervous. No matter how disrespectful of you was it to suspect everyone, you couldn’t help yourself. 

“My name is Park Seonghwa. I like Legos and Star Wars,” a strikingly handsome man smiled sheepishly. 

His interests surprised you with their innocence. One would expect that an adult man with those godly looks would be partying and sleeping with models instead of nerding away with Legos and Star Wars. It was adorable though and made you feel ever so slightly more at ease with him. 

Silence filled the room as everyone was waiting for the next person to introduce themselves. Only the ticking of the clock on the wall could be heard. The silence felt uncomfortably long and you started wondering why no-one spoke. 

“Could any of you two introduce yourself?” Charlotte’s voice caught your attention. 

You almost wanted to cry out of embarrassment as you realized you were one of the two who were left, and you had been just sitting there like a fool. It shouldn’t be such a big deal but your ears flushed red nonetheless. 

There was a man who hadn’t introduced himself yet either. His gaze was turned to the floor. As if that wasn’t enough of a sign to tell he was uncomfortable, his body was tense and hands wrapped in front of his stomach as if to protect himself. 

“I’m Y/N. I like...” you paused. Someone could be here to gather information about you or use your information against you in the future. You couldn’t tell them anything too personal. 

“I like dogs,” you finally said. Damn it, that was too personal! Now that psycho police officer could lure you into a dog shelter and torture puppies in front of you just to make you suffer. 

Speak of the devil, Yunho smiled at you, “I like dogs too.” 

You fought the urge to scream and run away. His smile was charming but that was expected from a psychopath. Those kinds of people were good at manipulating. You had read a lot of books about it in order to protect yourself better. 

Nonetheless, you still smiled back nervously. 

“What’s your last name?” San asked. 

To be truthful or not to be: that is the question. You had purposefully left that part out of your introduction because you didn’t want to tell them your last name. What would anyone even do with that information? 

“Brokelsony,” you answered. 

Wooyoung snorted, “That’s not a real name, doofus. You just made that up, didn’t you?” 

You got caught. Your days were numbered now. How could you ever come back after everyone knew you lied to them?  

The way your eyes widened and you clutched the arms of the chair confirmed everyone that you lied. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Except you wanted your whole body to burn, not just your pants. 

“Come on, what’s your real last name?” Mingi insisted. 

Wooyoung joined in with a louder voice, “Yeah, we told our last names too!” 

“What are you so afraid of?” 

You were stressing out, gasping for air and digging for some explanation for your lie but you couldn’t think. All the noise and pressure made you dizzy. 

Suddenly Jongho chimed in, “You two chose to tell your full names out of your own will. It’s not an obligation to reveal your last name, so leave her be.” 

Everyone was shocked more or less. Jongho, who had been so quiet otherwise, had spoken up and defended you. 

He could have been embarrassed or regretful to have all the attention directed to him now but there were no emotions on his face. Only unwavering tranquility was like painted on his whole body. 

You couldn’t have been any more grateful to Jongho for the shift of attention and for being the voice of reason. The least you could do was to send him an appreciative smile so you did that. 

He did not respond to the smile. 

You really hated this day. Being embarrassed wasn’t an unknown experience to you but this felt just straight up humiliating. 

“Well, we have our one last patient. Would you introduce yourself?” Charlotte asked gently. 

It was definitely not a nice feeling for him to be the last one and have all the attention on him, you thought as you looked at the last man left. 

After a few moments he raised his gaze from the floor... only to look at his hands. At least you could see his beautiful face and birth mark a bit better now. 

“Yeosang,” the man spoke. 

Yeosang sounded almost apologetic like he was sorry that he was supposedly wasting everyone’s time by telling his name. You really felt for him. 

“Look what you did, Y/N. He learned not to tell his last name either because of you,” Wooyoung chuckled and received a scolding look from Charlotte in response. 

Charlotte looked around the room, probably taking in everyone’s names, and nodded. 

“You all have different issues like all people do. Even though some of you may have similar experiences or diagnoses, don’t forget that you have your own story to share, no matter how insignificant it may seem.” 

A few people nodded, acknowledging her words. You did too although you did not agree with her statement. 

Your story wasn’t meant to be shared. There wasn’t even anything to share. That’s what you wanted to believe at least. That you were completely healthy and normal, and that nothing bad had ever happened to you. 

“During next week we’ll start opening up more but today it’s time for something more exciting...” Charlotte smiled mysteriously, “Get into groups of three.” 

What was this? A pre-school? You did not want to talk to anyone. This was supposed to be a form of therapy not a blind date! 

You felt your palms sweat in nervousness. Who would you want to be in a group with? Or a better question, who would want to be in a group with you?  

The stress of realizing that probably no-one would agree to be with you made your chest tighten up. You cursed Charlotte in your mind for causing this. 

Every second felt excruciatingly slow but fast at the same time as you saw Hongjoong and Seonghwa already forming a group. You would be the last one left. No-one would let you into their group willingly. 

“Do you want to be in my group?” someone behind you asked like an angel who descended from Heaven to save you from the fate of being left out. 

Once you turned around, you froze. It was the Devil instead. 

Yunho stood there, towering over you, with that smile on his handsome face again. It was suspicious how kind he was.  

“Sure,” you nodded despite your head screaming at you not to. Carefully inspecting his expressions and movements, you decided he would be trustworthy enough now that there were other people in the room with you.  

“Awesome! Let’s go find another groupmate,” Yunho gestured you to follow him. 

So, you did follow him as he walked towards Yeosang who was standing by the wall, looking clueless and lost. 

You felt grateful that Yunho had chosen Yeosang out of everyone left because he seemed like the least aggressive person there. His arms were muscular but you wanted to believe he wouldn’t use them for anything else than carrying heavy grocery bags for old ladies. 

“Yeosang, do you want to join-” Yunho started but got interrupted by Jongho who had appeared behind you two. 

“Y/N. Join my group.” 

It was enough of a shock already to have Yunho ask you to be in his group, but now that Jongho wanted you in his group as well, you felt lost. 

You probably looked stupid as you were glancing between Yunho and Jongho, trying to figure out the situation, lips slightly apart. 

“No can do, dude. She’s mine... my groupmate, I mean,” Yunho crossed his arms. 

Even Yeosang raised his head to look at the scene with you as Yunho and Jongho started disputing. 

“Although you like dogs, you don’t have to treat her as one,” the shorter man sneered, “You’re not her owner, cop.” 

Yunho furrowed his brows. You thought of him as scary even when he smiled, but now that you saw him getting irritated, you felt horrified. What if he had a gun with him? He was a police officer after all. 

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just want you to find your own groupmates instead of stealing mine.” 

“Why are you so keen on keeping her?” Jongho raised a brow. 

“Why are you so keen on stealing her away from me?”  

Yunho’s question was just the right one to make Jongho silent. 

A slightly irritated expression crossed Jongho’s face but he just shrugged and said, “Don’t ask me.” 

“Who else should I ask then?” Yunho asked, confusion mixed with annoyance in his voice, but he received no response as Jongho just walked away. 

You watched Yunho’s expression from the side while he was still distracted by his own thoughts and emotions. 

His lips were pressed together tightly and ears bright red. It was clear he tried to control himself and his reactions, but you weren’t convinced by his act at all. 

You got to see him properly only when he swiftly turned around to face you. He did not touch you, thank God, but you were still terrified when you saw the look in his brown eyes. The same, usual smile was on his lips as he looked down at you but it was still vastly different. His eyes weren’t warm. His eyes were burning hot, full of fierce fire he had been hiding under the facade of a kind police officer who loved helping animals, and who knows what other lies he had come up with. 

His body towered over yours as he looked at with those eyes that made you want to curl up into a small ball and defend yourself like a hedgehog. 

But you weren’t a hedgehog and you couldn’t push out spikes to protect yourself as Yunho leaned closer. 

“I’m glad you didn’t run off with Jongho,” he chuckled. 

In the blink of an eye his expression was back to that weirdly cheerful one, as if you had imagined everything. 

Everyone was horrible. You were scared and worried. But you should have expected something like this already, you thought to yourself. 

After all it was just like you told Charlotte: if they were stable, they wouldn’t be in this group. 

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Chapter 2. ->

Masterlist

[joybabyjune]

Jealousy

Pairing: Frank Castle x fem!reader (Matt Murdock has a tiny role too)

Summery: You’ve been casually sleeping with Frank for a while now, but you decide you need something more stable and go on a date with Matt (who you don’t know is Daredevil). Frank shows up on your date to show you who you belong to (maybe in a public bathroom 🙊) and to show Matt to back off 😈.

Warnings: Explicit (minors dni!!!), semi public, unprotected piv, oral (m receiving), little bit of praise kink (good girl, attagirl), little bit of degradation kink (slut, whore), dirty talk, tiny bit of exhibition kink, sort of cuckolding Matt. Think that’s it, feel free to let me know if I missed anything!

Author’s note: This idea was stuck in my head for so long and I finally finished it! I hope you guys like it. I would love to hear what you guys think, so reading notes will make me happy! And if you really like it, please reblog so others can enjoy as well. You’ll make my day and it’s completely freeee.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language ✌🏼

Masterlist

You’re sipping on your second beer while you chat and laugh with Matt. After working together for over a year now, he finally asked you out.

Matt is a good guy. He’s everything you should want in a man. Reliable, kind, not a murderer on the run for law enforcement that most people think is dead... You mentally kick yourself for thinking about Frank while on a date with Matt. There’s no future with Frank. You shouldn’t want him. You need someone more stable in your life, someone like Matt.

“You okey?” Matt asks sensing your mind is elsewhere.

“Eh.. Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. You were saying?” You ask, shaking your head as if you’re shaking the thoughts of Frank from your brain.

“That this new client is really gonna make a difference for Nelson and Murdock..” He continues talking, but your mind drifts again while you look around the cozy, dark bar at all the people who decided to get drinks tonight. There’s a few couples, a group of co workers who look like came straight from their office jobs, a few middle aged men at the bar that you feel safe to assume are regulars and then your heart stops for a second as you see him.

Frank Castle is sitting at a table by the window, sipping on a beer. Your eyes widen when you make eye contact and he nods at you as a way of saying hello. You wave back almost nervously. How is he out here in public?

“Want another beer?” Matt asks, bringing your attention back to him.

“Eh, y-yeah, thanks.” You say. You’re so glad that your date is blind and didn’t see your interaction with the criminal he told you to watch out for.

What you don’t know is that Matt has already sensed Frank from the moment he entered the bar. He has been noticing his smell on you for the past months as well and it doesn’t sit right with him. It’s part of the reason he asked you out tonight, to get your attention away from the other man.

You grab your phone while Matt orders your drinks and hold it up to Frank to show that you’re gonna text him.

You: What are you doing here? What if anyone recognizes you?

Frank: Don’t you worry about me, sweetheart.

Frank: Saw you go in here with that lawyer guy..

You frown at your phone. Is he.. Jealous? It’s the first time you’re on a date since you started seeing him, but you didn’t think he would mind. It’s all been pretty casual between the two of you.

Frank: Looks like a date..

You look at him and he raises his eyebrows to urge you to answer him.

You: It is.. Matt is a good guy. He would be good for me. Reliable, available..

You look at him and see him scoff as he reads your text. You know it was a low blow. The only reason Frank is away most of the time, is to make the city a saver place.

Frank: Yeah? That what you want? A good Christian boy?

You: Yes.

You lie and Frank knows it. You should want a guy like Matt. Matt you could bring to Thanksgiving dinner with your parents and your mom would, for once, not be disappointed in you.. But you and Frank both know you like the danger and excitement of your little arrangement way too much. For months now, Frank comes to your apartment on a regular basis. You have amazingly intense and kinky sex and have the best conversations while eating takeout afterwards. Sometimes he stays the night and sometimes he leaves while you fall asleep, but either way you’re left alone until the next time he has a night to spare.

Frank: So full of shit.

Matt comes back with your drinks before you can write a reply, but you scowl at Frank.

“Thanks.” You say taking the drink from him and smiling extra brightly, to convince Frank you’re having fun.

“Sorry it took so long, was very busy at the bar.” He says, holding his glass up to toast with you.

“Oh don’t worry about it.” You say as you touch his glass with yours before you glance at your phone.

Frank: Did you let him fuck you?

You: Not yet..

You look over at him and he scoffs again as he reads your message

Frank: Think he can fuck you like I can?

You gasp when you read it and you see Matt frown. “Something wrong?” He asks.

“N-no.. Just need to go to the bathroom for a second.” You say. “Excuse me.”

You don’t go to the bathroom. You walk straight to Frank and sit down next to him. “What the hell, Frank.” You hiss.

He just looks at you. “Tell me.” He finally urges. “Think he’ll fuck you like I can? Cause I don’t think he can.”

“Oh please.” You scoff. “Think very highly of yourself, Castle. I think Matt will manage just fine.”

He laughs dryly. “Just fine, huh.” He says. “Think I do just fine? Well I remember that differently, sweetheart. I remember you begging, crying out my name, barely being able to walk..”

“Stop that, Frank.” You hiss through your teeth. “I’m trying to give this thing with Matt a chance. I need something more serious in my life than just some good dick every once in a while, okey.”

“Oh now I’m just some good dick, hm.” He chuckles through his nose and looks to the side before looking at you again and licking his lips. He places his hand on your bare thigh, right at the edge of your dress. “You look good. Got all dressed up for your little date, huh.”

Your breath hitches at his touch. And your stupid body reacts instantly to his. “Y-yes..” You say.

“Got something pretty underneath it too?” He asks, fingers toying with the hem of your dress.

You swallow thickly. “No..” You say honestly.

“No?” He asks in disbelieve, knowing what you have in your collection.

“No, I’m not wearing anything.” You say smiling teasingly. “Felt like doing something risky for my date.” You like to make him jealous. It feels good to know that he wants you and doesn’t want another man to touch you.

He growls a little. “You gonna let him get under this dress tonight?” He asks.

“I might..” You say.

He grips your thigh tightly and leans in so his mouth is at your ear. “Let me remind you first..” He says. “Of what you’ll be missing if you do that.” His lips connect to your neck and he slides the tip of his tongue over your pulse.

“Frank..” You whimper, you brain clouding over. Why does he have to have this effect on you?

“Bathroom.” He rasps. “Now.”

Your eyes widen and you look at Matt. He looks unfazed as he drinks his beer, his back towards you. You know this bathroom. It’s beat down, broken lights and mirrors, graffiti everywhere and it has multiple stalls, so there’s no way you can get away with this without anyone noticing. “I can’t, Frank..” You sigh.

“I said. Now.” He says. You almost moan at his demand and get up. “Attagirl..” He says as you walk toward the bathroom, your feet moving on their own accord.

You can sense him following you closely. He pushes you into the bathroom and slams you with your back against the door to barricade it before crashing his lips on yours.

He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around him. Your dress hitches up to your hips and you moan in his mouth as he rolls his hips into your, basically bare, core. “Hmhmm.” He hums and he breaks the kiss. “That’s what you need, huh?”

“Frankie..” You whine a little, but you know he’s right. “But-“

“Shh shh shh.. No buts.” He says and lifts your dress up more so it bundles at your waist. You feel your naked folds against the rough material of his jeans and you moan loudly. He snakes one hand between your bodies and slides his fingers through your soaking slit. “Fuck..” He mutters to himself. “That for me or for lawyer guy out there?”

“Y-you, Frank.. You..” You say, your voice breathy, as he starts rubbing circles on your clit.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He grunts. “Pretending to be a good girl, but you’re just a little slut for me..”

“Frankie..” You moan, sounding desperate, but you know he’s right. “Please..”

“Hm? What’s that?” He rasps against your throat. As he presses on your clit harder.

“Oh fuck..” You pant. “Frank, p-please.. Need more..”

“Oh yeah? That slutty hole needs to be filled?” He asks. “Why don’t I get Murdock to do that for you, huh? ‘M sure he can help you out.”

“N-no!” You gasp and grab onto his shoulders desperately.. “Need you, Frank.. Need your cock.. P-please!”

He growls and mutters something under his breath while unbuttoning his pants. You can barely hear it but it sounds like. “Hear that, Red.” You frown but get pulled out of your thoughts by Frank slamming his cock inside you without warning.

“Oh my.. Fuck!!” You cry out, fingers digging into his shoulders. You keep forgetting how big he is.

He growls loudly. “That’s it, take it..” He says as he starts thrusting right away, not giving you any time to get used to the intrusion. “Tight fucking pussy.. So wet for me.”

There’s a knock on the bathroom door that you can barely register. “Taken!” Frank rasps loudly, giving you a particularly hard thrust that makes you cry out loudly.

“Y-you’re so bad..” You whine. “T-they can hear us.” You add in a whisper.

“Let them..” He says. “Let them hear what a whore you are for this cock. That you let me steal you away from your date and fuck you in a public bathroom.. ‘S because you belong to me, hmm?”

“Frankie..” You whine.

“Right?” He growls through gritted teeth.

He’s never been this harsh, but you’ve also never been this aroused and you can feel your orgasm building up fast. When you don’t answer him, he pulls out. “Nooo, don’t stop!”

“Say it..” He growls and rubs the head of his cock against your clit.

“Ohhh.. I-I’m yours, Frankie! P-please!” You moan.

“That’s right. Mine.” He growls as he sinks back inside you.

Your eyes roll back in your head and he starts fucking you with deep, hard strokes. “I-I’m gonna cum..” You pant into his shoulder. “Please don’t stop..”

“Good girl, cum on my fucking cock.” He rasps, never losing his rhythm.

You cry out when you explode around him and immediately know that no man can ever top this. You’re addicted to Frank Castle, even with all the hassle that comes with him. “Fuckkkk!”

“That’s it, attagirl.. Can feel you squeezing me..” Frank talks you through it.

“Oh my god..” You pant as you come down from your high.

“Think I’ll send you back to your date with me dripping down your legs, hm, how ‘bout that?”

“Noo! Please don’t!” You chuckle.

“No?” He asks shaking his head with a smirk on his face. “Better get on your knees then.” He adds and he pulls out.

He lets you down and you quickly get on your knees. You don’t care about how dirty the floor is, you need this right now.

His cock, wet from your juices, glistens in the dimmed lighting as he holds it in front of your face. He’s rock hard, the veins are pulsing and his balls look heavy. He’s definitely close.

You ‘open up’ when he tells you to and he slides in as deep as he can until you gag. “That’s it.. Attagirl..” He mutters and he slowly starts thrusting into your welcoming mouth, one of his hands resting comfortably on the back of your head, the other pushing the door closed above you. “Look at me..” He orders and your eyes shoot up to his. “Gonna make sure that if that fucker tries to kiss you, that he knows you belong to another man. Cause this fucking mouth’s mine too, hear me?” He growls, speeding up his thrusts and making you gag again.

You make some sounds to agree with him, not being able to talk. “Fuck.. Gonna give you my cum.. Fill up that pretty mouth..” He groans loudly and his hips stutter while you feel his load land on the back of your tongue.

You gently suck his softening cock to get every last drop before letting him slip out and swallowing the proof.

“Fuck you..” You sigh as you rest your head back against the door.

He chuckles silently. “That good, hm?”

“Shut up..” You smile lazily.

“Still think he can give it to you like that?” He asks as he tucks himself back into his pants.

“No.. Don’t think anyone can, Frank..” You say honestly. “And I hate you for it. You ruined me..”

“Should have warned you for that.” He says smiling down at you smugly. “Gonna get up?”

“‘F you give me a hand.” You say and he helps you get up on your shaking legs.

“Fucking Frank.” You curse as you look in the mirror. Your hair is messy, your makeup messed up and your dress is all wrinkled.

He chuckles. “Go end this date, I’ll be waiting in your room for round two.” He says slapping your ass and leaving you in the bathroom to freshen up.

“Thank you for your patience.” You hear him say to someone on the other side of the door.

Your eyes widen and you pull your dress down just quick enough for two women around your age to walk in.

“‘M s-sorry..” You mutter without looking at them. They don’t say anything, just disappear into the stalls.

You quickly try to salvage what you can and hurry back to your table.

“I-I’m sorry, Matt.” You say sitting down.

“You okey? You were gone for a while.” He asks.

“Ehm.. N-no, I don’t feel so well. Think it’s best if I go home.” You say as you put on your jacket and grab your purse.

“You sure?” He asks, frowning a little, and you get the feeling the question is about more than just you going home.

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“Shall I walk with you?”

“No, that’s okey. I’ll eh, I’ll see you tomorrow at the office.”

“Alright.” He says looking a little disappointed.

“Bye.” You say, hugging him and hurrying home.

To Frank, once again.

[tokyo-1842]

LIVE FOREVER <3

Zoro x GN!Scientist!Reader

GN!READER, ZORO X GN!!READER, READER IS GENIUS 😥

TW: Uhh reader not sleeping for days (Possibly weeks), READER PURRS😭 (I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CUTE), Pet rat, Zoro taking care of reader, fluffy fluuff that’s all folks, little suggestive in one sentence.

——————————————————————————

“Day…I’ve lost count…” You muttered to yourself as you wrote on the medium sized white board in your lab. The bags under your eyes becoming more visible day by day. The crew worries about you and both your mental and physical health. God…weeks it’s been since your last rest. But it’s not your fault! Science!

Yes science…all you need…you don’t even need sleep!

Ok well maybe a few screws in your head were a little lose during these past months. But it’s nothing to worry about! All the progress and research you’ve made was worth it!

*Squeak, Squeak*

Ah right that’s what this was all about.

So you see, you’ve loved animals your entire life! And one day you decided it’s not fair they don’t get to live as long as humans! The Sunny wasn’t going to be at another island for a long time too. So why not figure out a way too give longer life expectancy to animals.

And so you did but at what cost.

So this brings us here.

“(Name) Open up!” A gruff voice shouted on the other side of the door. “Yeah…give me a second..”

You opened the door to see a seemingly concerned Zoro. “What’s up? Need anything?” You look at him. Only if you could see how tired you looked. “The hell you mean “WhAtS uP”. What’s up is YOU for too long!” “I’m fine I swear…” You take a seat near a table where the mouse you were testing on was laying. (DONT WORRY THE MOUSE IS BEING TAKEN GPOD CARE OF :p)

“What could be so important that could have caused you to not sleep in WEEKS!?” Zoro grunted. “Oh man I’m glad you asked! I’d really like to drag out the years of my life and live past human expectancy. But I can’t.” You paused. “So I made a little buddy who could! This isss…hm (Mouse Name). I called him subject A I never gave a normal name, But anyways-“

Zoro watched as you babbled on about your experiment, he only payed attention to how you looked like you could fall over any moment now.

You pulled out a brush to groom the little critter, slowly stroking is fur.

“(Name)! Are you not seeing the problem here?” “What problem…? Hm are you talking about how I made (Mouse name) to look like me? oh yeah I forgot to mention! I did give him some of my DNA” “(Name)” “I extracted some of my blood and used the cells to form a similar genetic structure to mines” You slurred out while staring into space. “(NAME)! Can’t you see what this is doing to you! You’re clearly not even mentally stable” (That’s a drag) Zoro practically shouted. “Haha…what makes you say that…?”

…

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOUR BRUSHING AIR RIGHT NOW!” You look down to see a comical dotted outline on where (mouse name) should be. Your brain is so tired out you couldn’t even notice nothing was being brushed.

You let out a chuckle. “Funny I could’ve swore he was there…” You sweat dropped. “That’s it. Your putting that mouse to bed then your going to bed.” “But-“ “Do you understand?” The swordsman commanded.

…

“Ok…”

“Great.”

After wrapping up your lab equipment with the help of Zoro (because you would fall over) you changed out of your lab gear.

Roronoa let you borrow one of his T-Shirts. (Totally not just to watch the way the shirt hugs your curves)

“Alright finally let’s head to bed” He picked you up bridal style and you let out an adorable gasp he chuckles at.

…

Finally your curled up to him getting some well needed rest. You snuggled impossibly closer to his chest. Zoro massaged your scalp as he stared off into the moon lit ocean. Observing the way it glistened like a gem and listened to your soft snoring.

That was until he heard a…PURR?

Purring…you were..

The shock wore off as he found it adorable. There were many things about you he never knew but this one is new. It provoked him to keep on petting you as the cat like noises you made were like music to him.

——————————————————————————

BONUS:

- When ever the strawhats have a lil sleepover (idk) when you fall asleep Zoro likes to rub your back until you purr to show it to everyone. You always wonder why your throat is sore in the morning..

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THAT ONE SCENE FROM ADVENTURE TIME LOL.

THATS ALL GUYS THANK YOU FOR READINF

SOME COOL GIFS:

HAVE A GOOD DAY :p

[riverbutghost]

Can you write a one shot where Y/n is self harming and how Simon is reacting to that?

This is my first request!!!!!!!

Also, I’m so so so sorry for this, this isn’t how i expected it to turn out, also I have a severe migraine right now and can’t look at screen too much. I wrote it super fast. Apologies, and promise that i’ll write more soon.

Go ahead and request with an angst prompt !!

Pairing: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x GN!Reader

Summary: You used to self harm, but after attending military you stopped. Certain someone made you break, though.

Warnings: Graves is an asshole, no touching but cat calling?, Self harm, depression topics, kind of ooc simon, mentions of suicide…

Even though you were feeling down lately, your friends were always there for you. You knew it.

Your mental health wasn’t always perfect, and you knew it would take a while to heal. But even after healing, you knew it would always come back.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m glad you chose me to vent about it.”

It was always easy to vent to Soap, he would always make you chuckle or smile.

“It’s cool y’know? I know why you’re feeling this way. But it will always get better.”

Gaz would pat your hair, cuddle you a little like a brother and give you a chocolate. He would make you smile.

Simon wasn’t there usually. And no, you wouldn’t seek comfort from him either way. You knew the man wasn’t a people person, and he wouldn’t do anything other than getting annoyed.

So after your mission went smoothly, everyone wanted to celebrate and drink. Not you for sure.

You weren’t feeling good and stable so you politely declined. This, of course drew your friends’ attention. You just told them you were tired, because you didn’t want them to miss out on their time. They finally accepted and left the base to have fun.

You, on the other hand wasn’t feeling too well. It was overwhelming, to feel that way after a success.

“Congratulations, soldier. But you missed your shot. It was a stupid thing to do, the target wasn’t even moving ahahah.”

You furrowed your eyebrows after remembering your commander’s words. Graves, he was something. He would constantly pick on you, even though he had told you he liked you. You couldn’t understand him, was he that kind of person who would bully their crushes? Yeah, no.

You shook your head, clearing your mind of those thoughts. You needed a bath, and the base was empty. You smiled to yourself weakly. This was going to be a long shower.

You closed your door, but didn’t lock it. You didn’t care because the base was empty. You stripped off your clothes and got in.

-

“Is she okay?”

Simon furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who?”

Soap rolled his eyes and cursed through the phone. He told him your name, and Simon cursed himself too.

“Didn’t know she was here,”

Simon swore that he heard Soap rolling his eyes.

“Whatever, I gotta go. Don’t get wasted, yeah?”

Simon didn’t wait for an answer before shutting the phone down. He got up and went to his bathroom, ready to take a shower. He locked the door before pulling his mask off.

He got in, warm water immediately softening his tense shoulders. He sighed and closed his eyes.

-

You had decided to grab something from the kitchen before combing your hair. So here you were, eating an apple while going to your room.

“Ooof, here you are.”

You stopped dead in your tracks after someone grabbed your shoulders from behind.

“Our talk was interrupted,”

You swallowed and smiled at him, even though his eyes were raking up and down your body. You shifted uncomfortably.

“Oh, uhm- yeah. I don’t see you like that-“

His hands moved to your waist and you gasped quietly.

“C’mon, we both know what you want. Don’t resist it.”

You pushed him hard enough to let him off and he just snorted.

“I told you. I don’t want you, Graves.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Is that why you wear these shorts huh? Why your hair is wet and free? Don’t play dumb, you want it. Don’t worry, even if you’re bad in bed it would worth it and I won’t tell anyone.”

He winked and that was the final straw. You kicked him in his crotch, and pushed him with all your force. He groaned and gritted his teeth.

“Fuckin’ bitch. You’re gonna regret that!”

You just walked hurriedly to your room and locked the door behind you.

You didn’t know when, but you had started crying. You sat down in front of your door and cried silently.

When you realized you had dropped your apple there, you started crying harder.

“Fuck,”

You sniffled and gripped your phone. But you couldn’t, they were having fun and you wouldn’t dare to ruin it.

You closed your eyes, tried doing the breathing techniques your therapist had taught you.

“I can’t believe you’re our teammate now, you should be a model.”

“I can keep you company, you know?”

“But you’re asking for it.”

“You don’t have a boyfriend? Such a shame, you have a good physique.”

“Believe me sweetheart, no one would talk to you if you weren’t that beautiful.”

“That pretty face is missing something, a smile?”

“Oh my God, be a lady and bow down to me will you? ahahah..”

“Fuck!”

You quickly got up, the voices in your head were ringing and ringing. Graves’ voice was ringing. It kept getting louder.

You opened your drawer and took out your knife, and held it in your hand for a second.

The voices are going to stop, you thought. It will get better if I do this, you convinced yourself.

You cut your wrist, hands shaky from the panic attack. Your breaths were unstable, shallow.

You cut your wrist again, the voices were now getting weaker.

“What the fuck is going on?!”

You jumped forward with the knife in your hand. Simon gasped for a second before holding you and looking at you.

“What happened?!”

Simon shook your shoulders, not knowing what to do. You were just as shocked as him, and didn’t move a muscle.

Simon’s eyes went up to your hair and down to your feet. His breath shook as he noticed the blood dropping from your cuts.

“What the- What did you do?!”

Simon quickly took the knife and threw it across the room, then he picked you up and carried you to the bathroom.

He put you down to the floor of the shower cabin and washed your face.

“Wait here, ‘kay? I’ll be back.”

He quickly went back to his room, grabbed the first aid kit and came rushing back.

He carefully took your wrist, inspected it and worked on it quietly.

You were still in shock, eyes looking empty at the ground. It was all so quick, and your mind wasn’t comprehending it.

Simon called your real name and you suddenly looked up. It was like a switch. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at your wrist.

“Oh my God- I fuck!”

“Shh-“

You silently cried as he bandaged your wrist, thankfully you didn’t cut that deep.

After a minute or so, he got up and picked you up. He went towards your bed, and put you down. He sat down as well.

“Why? I don’t understand anything.”

You swallowed and looked down.

“I was suicidal before. And it just, I don’t know. I got triggered I guess.” You mumbled and shrugged.

Simon just narrowed his eyes. How could you be so calm about it?

“But what happened? What triggered it?”

You sighed as you let yourself down on your mattress.

“Don’twannatalkaboutit.”

Simon raised an eyebrow.

“What? Speak up soldier. C’mon now, you know you can talk to me.”

“Graves…”

Simon shot up.

“What did that fucker do?!”

You just sighed and curled up more.

“Nothing,I-“

Simon quickly got out of your room, leaving you speechless and scared. You were scared to be alone, and scared that Graves would say some shit and Ghost would believe them.

You just closed your eyes and sighed again, suddenly fee exhausted and tired.

It was so quick, so fast like it was a dream.

“What the fuck just happened..” You mumbled to yourself.

Soon enough, Simon came back. He knocked on your door and you mumbled for him to come in.

“Took care of it.”

Your heart broke a little after that. Not in a bad way, you might add.

“Thank you. I’m just exhausted, I guess. Never really thought I would ever do that again.”

Simon held your hand as you looked up at him. His eyes took you in and left you breathless in an instant. He attempted to say something, but didn’t. You smiled at him softly, laying down on the bed.

“I’m gonna go, yeah..”

He scratched the back of his neck, and contemplated for a moment to say anything else.

But he got up, leaving your room after looking you one last time.

It was probably for another day. You would talk with him another day.

[bicth-and-in-that-order]

Rambling thoughts about Act 3

What I liked:

• All things considered, I like what they did with Mel. I’m so happy they didn’t kill her and it looks like she’s going to take Noxus into a more peaceful future. Mel was great. No notes

• The alternate reality sequence with Ekko was cute. I loved seeing Mylo and Claggor and a mentally stable Jinx. I definitely live to see more of this alternate timeline

• The tragedy between the sisters is palpable , no matter what universe or timeline, they’re always driven apart

• I wasn’t before, but I am now a Jayvik truther

• I’m sorry, ik this is fucked up, but Ekko rewinding like 5-6 different times to save Jinx from blowing herself up made me giggle a bit.

• eyepatch Cait is hot asl I won’t lie

What I didn’t like:

• cutting the talk between Ekko and Jinx ??? What the fuck did he say that reached her when no one else could? I’m fucking floored they skipped what could’ve been a really emotional scene

• totally dropped the Revolution plotline

•Jinx’s “death”, ig she could be alive but the show’s over so it doesn’t really matter. I’m not so much mad that she died but the events leading up to her sacrifice felt contrived asl. Vi deciding to have a mental breakdown right at the ledge felt less like a culmination of all the trauma she accumulated and more like the writers needed to find a way for Jinx to heroically sacrifice herself so she could have her big *moment*. Idk, maybe I need to sit with my thoughts a bit longer and see what other people have to say.

•Caitvi “sex” scene. It was kinda hot but was rushed and out of place just like everything else in this season. Jinx is about to die and they decide now is the time to get it on, which, mind you, we didn’t even get to see the actual sex just the fucking foreplay

•Speaking of Caitvi, the total lack of any real reconciliation, which is what I feared would happen. There was a few lines and that was that on that. Really disappointed Vi didn’t demand more of an apology from Cait / Cait being more apologetic for harming Vi the way she did.

• Ekko or anyone really not confronting Heimerdinger about his complacency in the piltover Zaun conflict. Like idc if you sacrifice yourself, you will pay for your crimes furball

• Whole piltover Zaun conflict being put on the back burner was incredibly disappointing.

• I still don’t fully understand the whole Black Rose faction, I would’ve loved some more background a history but ig that’s explained in the game? Just another nothingburger plotline

There’s more things I don’t like that I can’t articulate right now. I’m glad other people have found enjoyment in this season and in the finale of Arcane and I wish I could see the vision, but I’m afraid not. I’m incredibly disappointed by this show.

[blues824]

Can we get the TWST dormleaders with an S/O that is a FBI agent for the BAU? I enjoyed reading the one with the Obey Me brothers!

My search history looks like I’m committing every single crime to every single degree. But, this fic is a victory for Yuu/YN/Mc, and you’ll see why.

Riddle Rosehearts

He is definitely intrigued, since you don’t seem phased by your chosen profession. You’ve been faced with actual serial killers to try and find the motive as to why they did what they did, and you don’t seem to be affected mentally or emotionally.

What freaked him out was during a small date between the two of you in the labyrinth. You both were taking a small break for tea, when you told him that one of the leading reasons for homicide was because the perpetrator had suffered through too much abuse. 

That’s when he realized that he might want to consider therapy, since he is one step away from actually killing someone. After living with his mother for the 17 years of his life, he doesn’t want to risk hurting you because of a psychotic break.

Leona Kingscholar

He didn’t care at first, until you started digging into the issues within everyone. You told him that jealousy was one of the leading motives for murder, and you tried to make a light-hearted joke about him being one step away from just offing his brother.

Well now he’s really looking at and assessing himself to see if he needs to go to counseling because you were right: he was one step and a psychotic break away from just killing the monarch of the Sunset Savannah because he was tired of being seen as #2.

You give him an overall summary that everyone at NRC already has a motive for committing a serial crime, so now he’s definitely concerned. Mans will stray as far away from anyone (*cough cough* Malleus *cough cough*) since they’re all ticking time bombs.

Azul Ashengrotto

For someone in your profession, you seem calm. It does make sense, however, since if the person you’re assessing can get under your skin then that wouldn’t be any good. You still terrify him though, since you fly through NRC with ease.

You were unsettling and intimidating to him, even though you were very polite and courteous. It was during a Housewarden meeting where you brought it up to Crowley that he might want to consider investing in a school counselor. Azul was genuinely frightened when you explained that everyone was a pin’s drop away from killing a peer, and the Headmage couldn’t argue against you since you were a professional.

Well, the campus has been more stress-free because they now have the option to talk with a different professional rather than dumping all of their issues on you. Even the sneaky cecaelia himself went to counseling and felt a large burden being lifted off of his shoulders. 

Kalim Al-Asim

He honestly didn’t know what a BAU agent was until you told him that you basically found the reason why someone committed a federal/serial crime. Then he was very worried about how you survived for this long.

This man would one day ask if you could read his psyche, and he was pleasantly surprised. He was one of the most mentally stable people on campus, but then you told him that Jamil was one step away from going batshit.

Your efforts in trying to establish a system of mental and emotional support paid off, and Kalim took part in funding it. You both made a huge difference and now there is a school counselor at Night Raven College. 

Vil Schoenheit

He’s only heard of the occupation through films, so as he does your makeup he will ask you more questions about it since movies don’t always get it right. This man’s eyes went wide when you told him how you had to sit with federal criminals and try and evaluate them to determine their motives.

So, what you were saying is that you constantly put yourself in danger by sitting with criminals who could attack you at any point? Oh, no. This wouldn’t do at all. All he can say is that he’s glad you’re here and not risking yourself for your job (don’t let him hear about the field operations of the FBI).

Then, you made the mistake of telling him that since he’s constantly jealous of Neige, he’s only a few steps away from just ending either himself or the Snow White look-alike. He’ll be right back, he’s booking a therapy session right now.

Idia Shroud

He’s also only heard of your job through movies, so when he gets more comfortable around you he is asking questions left and right. Instead of being appalled, he’s intrigued as to the most common motives that you’ve seen.

Mans could listen to you until his ears bleed. Idia comes from a family that studies blot, which is accumulated through strong emotions. So, aside from the obvious, the jobs you two had were more similar than one would think.

This man also supported you in getting Crowley to establish a system of support for the students, but he didn’t help financially. He helped by making a threat to the old crow and told him that if he didn’t, he would use his family’s influence to link the bird not hiring a school counselor to the overblots.

Malleus Draconia

He didn’t know anything about your job until you brought it up during one of your nightly walks. He tried to keep calm as you told him that you were constantly put up against federal criminals to try and find the motive behind their crimes, but it was taking all of his willpower.

The Prince found it interesting, sure, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your mental or even physical health. He was angry that your employers would put all of this responsibility on you, but you assured that the more dangerous people were put in a straight jacket. That totally made him feel better.

You teach him about the power that emotional support can have, and he helps establish a system at NRC. Since he is one of the five most powerful mages, Crowley couldn’t exactly refuse. He can see the difference that you made, and he congratulates you by giving you a rose on one of your walks.

[paymechildsupport]

Yuji Itadori // x Reader [Nights with You]

-!! Yuji is aged up a wee bit, this is domestic-ish fluff + hurt n' comfort

-!! CW: insinuations of mild depression and burnout + slight mental breakdown (Yuji helps you <3)

-!! Gender never specified.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

You sit up and look out the dark windows. Droplets of rain covered the entire surface making it impossible to see out of. The slow and steady beat of the drops hitting the glass soothed your body. It gave your heart a beat to match. Your lungs a pace to breathe at. 

Moments like these were the most peaceful. 

But it was getting late.

You feel the empty bed below you in the darkness. If you could feel sadness in this moment you’d imagine it to be heavy. 

If only nights like these could be shared. 

You lay back and pull the covers over your head. You stare straight up into ceiling and yawn. You can feel yourself slipping away. 

As you were about to close your eyes and let oblivion take you under, the door opened faintly. 

It closed with the same measure of low volume. 

Although it was pitch black inside the room, albeit from the faint glow of the window, you already knew exactly who it was. 

“Yuji”, the words softly leave your lips in a quiet whisper, barely a breath.

“Hi,”

You smile into the dark.

“Did I wake you?” He whispers, now at the side of the bed.

“No, I was just about to go to sleep”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you” He sounded so guilty it almost made you laugh. 

“Don’t be sorry, really. It’s been awhile since you’ve come to bed this early”

“Love, it’s three in the morning”, Yuji walks over so he is at your side of the bed, he crouches down to your eye level. His words are gentle but you can hear concern laced into them. 

He leans in. He’s so close now you can make out his soft facial features. His gentle eyes, his fluffy pink hair. You’re glad the darkness conceals your warm face. He is so, so beautiful. 

“Have you not been sleeping?” He asks softly, the question snapping you back to the present. 

“Hm-? Oh-, Yes… I’ve been sleeping.”

“…” You briefly make out his face crinkle into a frown.

“Maaaybe just a liiiittle bit later than usual though” 

“Love, is everything okay?”

“Yes” You stare back up at the ceiling. Both of you say nothing else, opting to lapse into silence. The rain seems to beat down even heavier- though not too heavy it’s loud. The light from the window flickers for a moment. The raindrops slip from the glass and tumble to the floor. So, so peaceful…

You sigh. 

“I don’t know”

Yuji says nothing.

“I- to be honest,- I do not know if everything is okay.” You confess, still not looking at him

“I do not even know if ‘stable’ is even a correct definition for what I feel right now. Everything is just going so fast and I can’t seem to-“ You pause, hearing Yuji quickly move from his spot. 

You track the movement in the darkness as you hear him hastily change clothing. 

He comes closer again, though this time on his own side of the bed, and lays down. 

He gently takes you up in his arms, pulling you close to himself. 

“Shhhh,” He softly urges, the words whispered into your ear. “It’s alright. It’ll all be alright. Just tell me what you need. Just tell me what to do. Please, just tell me what to do to make you feel okay” You’ve seldom seen Yuji desperate, so the raw emotion in his pleas startled you. He touched you as if you were made of glass, and would shatter at any moment. He was so, so gentle, so sweet. 

“Its- I- I just-“ You swallow, “I’m so tired, Yuji. I can’t… I can’t do this anymore” You’re shaking by now, caught off-guard by the sudden surge of emotion. You hate yourself for ever letting him see such a vulnerable state.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise I’ll make it okay.” He says softly, so, so softly. “Cry, if you need to. Or sleep, please sleep. You deserve it. You’ve done enough.” He pauses, taking a breath to calm his own nerves,  “More than enough. No one needs you to do anything more. No one, not me, not Nobara, not Megumi, not even Gojo-sensei  expects more from you.” 

You lay there for awhile, you and him. 

“You’re very strong, my love” Yuji whispered. One hand carefully strokes your back while the other runs through your hair. You feel yourself nearing the end. You’re going to collapse and you finally, finally, have somewhere you can do it. 

Yuji bends his head down and kisses you, once, on the forehead. Kisses butterfly down your forehead to your cheeks, where they eventually go down to your lips. Soft, as if he were kissing feathers instead of another human. Mere whispers of a kiss tease your neck. You quietly suck in a breath as Yuji kisses the bottom of your neck and collarbone, then your shoulders.

“Mmph-“

“Shh,” Yuji gently urges. He presses two fingers to your lips, smiling softly. You smile back. 

His face lights up adorably.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, snuggling his body up to yours. You almost laugh. You smile at your vulnerable position, his frame clinging to yours. You have no idea what kind of feelings you elicit out of the poor boy. 

You hold him close and lay your head on his chest. 

You’re so, so very tired. So, so very done. 

You silently take in the dark room, the soft light from the window, the pitter patter of the rain outside, and of Yuji, who has already fallen into a deep sleep. 

You slowly close your eyes and let yourself slip into oblivion. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

((An older piece I slightly reworked. Yuji my dear, I would die for you, ong, I will personally fistfight Gege for you 🥰😾))

[peachdues]

Hi Peach!

the latest episode of KNY and your recent posts have just made me go and reread TGW - don’t ask me how many times I’ve read it now cause I lost count 🤷🏼‍♀️

I love your take on my emo King so much. Giyuu is quite a deadpan character but you are able to write him having silly/funny moments so well. They don’t feel forced at all. Adding comedy to the endless of list of your amazing writing skills 🩵

And I’m so looking forward to the part II Tanjiro visit scene (poor poor boy) and the Miko chastising Giyuu for having an empty house (she will be chewing him out I can’t wait)

I went back and reread the first TGW teaser you ever posted and I hope you don’t mind me asking but was reader always going to be a Shrine Maiden or did that idea come later as the fic came together?

Now I need to be so honest with you - Peach ‘IT TAKES TWO’ killed me in the best horny way possible, I am quite partial to a wee bit of SaneGiyu so seeing them in a threesome fic the scream I scrumpt 😭 mean corruption kink Giyuu forever

I hope you’re getting lots of smooches and fresh air

much love

-🫧🫧

(PS no stop no don't write for Shinjiro, he’s totally not everyone’s anime dad crush at all 😉😚)

BESTIE BUBBLEEEEEEEEEE!!

So tickled that you reread TGW again. Honestly, I’ve fallen right back into the brain rot it, and spent a good portion of today writing for it 😭 seeing Giyuu smile in last night’s episode made me MELT.

and ALSMSKAKOAKS as always your compliments reduce me to an absolute puddle and I will never be solid again.

I’ll answer your asks about TGW below!

I won’t give away Reader’s backstory quite yet (that comes in Part 3!) but I will say — she was raised in a shrine and doesn’t have a lot of personal items either. She’s actually so overwhelmed by the fact she finally has a home — something that she can call hers, that she almost cries 😭 but you’ll see Giyuu feel sort of insecure about it for the first time (he just wants to impress his girl lmao).

As for your question about when I decided to make Reader a shrine maiden in TGW..

TGW came about because of the “I’m not your enemy” scene that was teased in the OG teaser — hence, why it was the first look. The entirety of TGW bloomed around this one mental image I had of Giyuu strangling his lover. I decided pretty quickly it would be his BOJ.

I knew she was going to be a civilian when I published the OG teaser, but I hadn’t settled on anything more concrete than that. HOWEVER, the second scene I wrote was the first time scene that ends Part I — I wrote that entire thing in like an hour while procrastinating. I first teased the virginity loss scene like, maybe two days after the OG teaser? So in the span of those two days I decided she would be a Shrine Maiden. It was a pretty easy decision — I needed her to have some flexibility RE her background but also give her a stable place Giyuu could come back to and see her. So that’s how I decided! But to answer your question, she was pretty much a Miko from the start, minus like two days lmao.

As for the Tanjiro scene — honestly, I’m enjoying the thought of it sm. Especially because he, like everyone else left alive after Muzan, had NO IDEA Reader even existed.

Giyuu actually takes off from the Butterfly Mansion to get her as soon as he regains consciousness and doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going — so when they show up concerned to his estate, you can imagine how SHOOK they are to se that not only is there a woman there (the implication of what they did the previous night being very clear lmao), but also that she’s introduced as his fiance. Like, “here she is, this is mine. I love her.”

I’m so glad you loved It Takes Two 🫡🫡 I am happy to provide spit roasting always!!

Sending you much love!! Please stop encouraging me to write Shinjuro I have too much to do!! I’ve already started HELP

[girlvinland]

Personal stuff again, but I look back at my mental healthy “journey”, and I find it both enlightening and unfortunate how much pain towards my own self and towards others could have been prevented had I really known more in the past.

For a very long while in my twenties I was on antidepressants and mood stabilizers, and during this time my behavior and thought patterns were largely “normal”, like I’d occasionally experience bouts of depression or hyperactivity, but it was a really stable time overall. I got to a point where I was really tired of taking the medicine and didn’t like the side effects, so I stopped taking them, and shortly after that I’m pretty sure I went into a hypomanic episode for a good long while. I remember feeling amazing and telling people about it, having this non-stop creativity/motivation I hadn’t felt in years, and doing some negative things too like self-medicating in different ways. That went on for a decent amount of time before I crashed hard last summer and fell into a really big depression for months. Looking back now it’s like. Oh. I kind of did this to myself without realizing/understanding, didn’t I. Also, apparently a lot of people have this same experience and decide they’re good and just stop the meds only to end up in a bad place again. Don’t do this.

It’s crazy to me that going back on meds has evened things out so much again. I do feel slightly symptomatic right now in terms of my energy/motivation/irritability, but overall it’s like a night and day experience from what I was going through earlier in the year (and also, I can notice that now and keep an eye on it). The medicine seriously helps, and I never knew how much because I kept thinking that I felt so great off of it and if anything came up, I’d be able to “handle it” (I could not “handle it”). It was a wake up call for me. Still trying to get medicine at the right level and everything, but I am so, so glad that I can reflect more on all of it and understand it more now, for my own well-being. I obviously also have huge regrets about my behavior and the specific ways I felt unable to cope with a lot of what I was going through/how that affected people I care about, but the understanding of what was behind it has really helped me in examining where the problems were. If nothing else, there is a lot of hindsight and wanting to be positive moving forward, keeping going with what’s actually therapeutic and helpful, not repeating those things again. It has become extremely important for me to keep myself and my loved ones in a place where we all feel safe. I think that’s my main concern and will always remain so.

[carmenized-onions]

review

chip is the biggest fourth wall breaker and i love it for her - time is definitely linear 100% we didn’t just read a tenet vibe flashback forward around and sideways episode that isn’t what happened?

her and carmy are so skinny not breaking the counter

any shoes left undropped? oh how i love your continued motifs

BEFORE YOU KNEW ME YOU CALLED ME CARMY???? completely and utterly feral. she found him charming!!! teehee. she is such a tumblr girl #parasocialrelationshipvibes

she found him charming teehee

chip is simultaneously the second most awkward and the least awkward and carmy is consistently the most awkward

okay the car incident was a month ago, good to know because the fever dreams are ongoing

promised to ask you out (when he’s mentally stable) LOL WHENS THAT HAPPENING

god you are so good at talking about throats i never knew that the feeling of someone’s throat could make me feel emotions

HE IS A MORON oh my god but he isn’t a bad guy (tumblr needs to see this after their comments on season 3 carmy)

carmy i beg do the fucking work i need you two to have sex now x

i love the way i can’t exactly tell who’s thoughts these are/ the respective it’s being written from - like some lines are so chip then some are so carmy and some are also giving me michael vibes (could be completely off parr with this and you didn’t intend for me to read into it this much).

for example

- [ ] “you squint like he’s a moron” is so chip, but then the “he is” is so mikey

- [ ] and then the “of course you want him to change” is so carmy and the “he sucks” is so mikey

stop thinking about food carmy oml wrap it up,

oh carmy you could definitely be better but

NO CHIP YOU COULD NOT BE BETTER NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT “insert rodrick saying deny deny deny”

jk chip is a flawed character but also so likeable and that’s why we love her

the peoples princess did go hard to be fair this is so random but my ex boyfriend always said i was a fixer like chip but he never called me the peoples princess and the reason why is insane… HE DIDNT KNOW WHO PRINCESS DIANA WAS. bear in mind this boy was a fucking genius, going to one of the hardest degrees at a very good school and we are both british how in hell do you not know who princess diana is you fucking weirdo

i knew he was a making a dish in his head, and what does he do, go and prove me right and make a dish in his head

ITS EASIER TO MAKE THINGS WHEN THEY ARE FOR YOU,,,,, ABOUT YOU WTF

me with a chronic nail biting problem and a therapist 👁️👄👁️

you are both little morons i need richie (ideally mikey but that’s obvs no possible) to come and tell you this

finally they are back in sync

this proving yourself thing is kind of crazy but it’s also carmen so EVENTUALLY THANK GOD

it is definitely weird to have the same therapist

the cat analogy is so good i feel it in my bones

i would say i love you tbf, too soon but she was MIKEYS PICK

such a cat response

i’m glad we have reaffirmed that she will still work there because i need to see this happen

with you??? wtf do you mean you two need labels istg

he has receipts like idk what to tell you it’s fucking carmy and when it comes to chip he’s finna be in the pit (be prepared)

my reaction to carmy v fields…. oh yeah:

- THIS IS TOO GOOD WTAF

- i needed this. i needed this so fucking much

- WALK HIM LIKE A FUCKING DOG

- THIS WAS ON THE FUCKING ROADTRIP - GOD I WISH I WAS THERE RVEN FUCKING MORE WYG

-GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING CHEKHOVS GUN

- i was chilling with dirty details and NOW ITS THIS YOU ARE AMAZING

- head of the head of the head IN THEIR HEADS

- PROZAC RIDDLED FUCKS LIKE ME… are you actually on prozac… no?

- WHY IS FAK BERE?? GO FUCKING HOME

- best friend FAK? we will talk about best friend fak later

- i love this website commentary- i had to make a website once and it was the worst experience of my life

- of course chip would learn web design

- GET HIM CARMEN FUCKINF GET HIS ASSSSSS

- WE DONT PLAY IN CHICAGO (this is so my city vs london in the uk)

- ROAD TRIP SQUAD OH MY FUCKING GOD

- i was wondering what he meant by dusty and dead… i get it now

- tip your servers and don’t ask for their numbers

- one thing richie believes is fuck the feds (even the paramedics)

*deep breath*,,, moving on

they need to kiss rn like they just do while he imagines food she imagines drinks. i would say i love you? so just fucking say it AND FUCKING KISS ALREADY

your writing, like it really is fucking amazing

oh my god

THEY KISSED TEEHEE TEHEE I AM LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET

i love the bear fandom all uniting on the fact that carmy likes having his hair pulled. like there is one consistency across all fanfictions and it is that carmy will whine when someone pulls on his hair

*chekovs gunshot* she gets headaches when she smokes, she likes the taste of his mouth, he wants to fly her to paris. these were all in one sentence YOU ARE TOO GOOD

“I want you to be permanent and carved in my tables and I want you to wear my jackets and I want you in my kitchen and in my menu and in every dumb fucking conversation I have at Christmas tellin’ family what the fuck I’m doing— I want you in every sentence.”

i’m going to do a full analysis on this… this is fucking literature i don’t know what else to say.

FAK GO AWAY I WANT THEM TO FUCK COME ON DUDE

another thing consistently in the best fanfic. carmen is a biter

the mood is not dead FUCK ALREADY

i was so worried the vibe ending would be the end of the chapter and i would have cried THANKYOU FOR WRITING SO MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR RIDICULOUS WORD COUNTS

SYD IS HER OLD CAT, this is why her and carmy are so good as coworkers

you are genuinely unbelievable

“get your weird little hands off my chip you perv “they’re not weird little hands” “why is that what you dispute” they are children

i don’t feel that i can really say anything on how you wrote the scene of richie and chip after because it cannot suffice in saying how good you are at this

go away dee dee i just got a smudge of happiness

oh sugar how i’ve missed you

the. first. christmas. without. mikey.

only the girls who babysat get chip

fucking rich boy carmy thinks he’s bad now he got payed. OKG I SAID THIS BEDORE I RVEN READ THE CHARMIN LINE WE ARE THE SAME (jk you are better than me)

he wants her soooo bad

OH MY GOD. she is making him watch ratatouille. carmen you literally are a weird rat . like you are THE WEIRD RAT

of course she’s a makeup cleansing balm user that is my queen bitch. also she wants to wear converse she’s so cringe i love her

he wants her on his team!?!!

aw he’s thinking a normal carmy amount like he’s helping her plan outfits and he’s ensuring they include her accent colour so say yes to being on his team pls

yeah carmy wants the apron to be easy to take off too LOL

richie the certified on god boy

you are the queen of stupid and meaningless (not stupid at all) stuff that is actually very meaningful

he is so big brother energy (richie)

the younger siblings taking turns to sit in the console i love this it is so real

they say they’ll be happy about it but they’ll curse you behind your back

you recognise all of it. it’s nearly enough to make you cry. - ouch

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE. HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE 10 TIMES

AND DONE

this chapter was the emotional relief i needed fuck

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT FUCKING TIME IT IS!!!!!!!

sometimes. we simply need a reminder that time is linear LMAO. listen. is it fourth wall breaking or just dissasocciation? Maybe both. Maybe it's mabelliyne.

NOT SKINNY LMAOOO as a plus size girl, I truly was considering writing in somewhere a moment of Chip awkwardly having to crawl up on the counter (how do people do just jump on the thing? i do not have that power)

I fear I'll never let go of my shoe motif. I fear I'll actually never let it drop.

Parasocial Chip my beloved,,, man I gotta write blurbs of her in her crush era when she didn't know Carm yet. SOMEONE REQUEST IT How are you NOT supposed to find this Denmark Virgin with a LOT of jean jackets hot??!?!?! he's charming!!! also you're BOTH losing at the not-awkward-lympics.

i truly have to reastablish the timeline by saying 'month ago' because if i dont i will truly forget where we are in time. i'm almost certain i've gotten dates wrong anyways. it's fine, the revisions will fix it alright it's fine.

THANK YOU I TRY TO TALK ABOUT THROATS IN A FUN WAY. I guess honestly I feel emotional in my throat, when I get emotional. Like. If I get mad or sad or guilty, it sort of closes up a bit? Feels hollow? And did I assume everyone's throat does that? yeah possibly. but it worked out.

i do NOT engage in da tumblr discourse much, esp when it comes to hating characters in general, but I hope everyone has eased up on my boy since taking a step back. Man is going through a lot. I also just think like man, I have certainly not been the most cognizant of other's needs when I'm in a stage or high stress fight or flight--- And certainly if those needs aren't made clear--- dog, I'm doublin down!!! that's truly the biggest difference I think with CK and The Bear diverging--- We communicate in dis house.

LMAOOOOO I DID FORGET WHILE REREADING THAT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT NOTE YOU DEMANDED THEY FUCK, yeah that's fair. I keep thinking it's gonna happen and pushing it honestly. these assholes are gonna get married before they get down with it, good lord. someone get them a room that isn't a bathroom.

also this Mikey thing. with the thoughts. was honestly so mindblowing. I know that's weird because I'm the writer, but I see what you're saying completely!! I've always had this weird style of like, second persion omniscient where it's Chip but sometimes I move in terms of the stream of consciousness to being her or someone else or no one; and the idea of that stream of consciousness being by in part, Mikey?? OHHHHH OHHHHHH BABBYYYY Totally puts so much stuff in a different context and I love it. canon it. canon it. i didn't come up with it but canon it.

DENY !! DENY!! CHIP THAT'S NOT YOU IN THE PHOTO!! I'm so glad people think chip is flawed. I know that's literally insane to say but I've had this horrific habit of categorizing flaws in my head as 'good flaws' and 'bad flaws', and 'good flaws' are the ones that make everyone elses life better and your life worse.

so.

need to seek a therapist about that a little bit. C

INSANE TO BE ALIVE LET ALONE BRITISH AND NOT KNOW WHO LADY DI IS???? but yknow what home boy probably wouldn't even be creative enough to say 'peoples' princess' as a diss. carmen/me ate with that.

when is this fucker not cooking. it's like that scene in Tick Tick Boom but romantic and NOT sad and bad. IT'S NICE TO BE THE ARTIST AND ARTIST AND MUSE AND MUSE ALRIGHT it's frankly my ideal relationship

bro i RIP my free edge of my nails off all the time when they get too long, and pick at my cuticle skin. I feel you. I dont have a therapist just yet but I feel you.

If Mikey was still alive to see his OTP happen, I truly don't know how he'd react. I think he'd be losing his mind in silence. Like has to put his fist in his mouth so he doesn't scream and ruin it.

I'm so glad the cat analogy was good, while writing it I was like "i wonder if this is anything" i'm glad it's something.

Fields v Berzatto was fun to write. It's what I think, if he was hyped up enough, what Carmen would do after having that S3 Finale talk with Fields. Like very much so when you leave an interaction and you're at home hours later like FUCK. i could've said this and this and this and this. And this is his moment to do so!!

Website talk truly comes from me having to make my own portfolio 3 separate times. I hated it. No one ever make me update my shit again.

I AM chekov's gun, but also it's just plot. i think we're just talking about plot progression LMAO

FELLAS IS IT CRAZY TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN BEEN DATING FELLAS? FELLAS ANSWER ME. FELLAS.

the "i'm going to do a full analysis... i don't know what to say" made me laugh so fucking hard. continuing on. NEIL 'COCKBLOCK' FAK EVERYONE, thank you neil for once again saving me from having to write intimacy, you're my hero

man if i need to end at 20 chapters like i'm goaling to, THESE CHAPTERS NEED TO BE LONGGG I HAVE TO GIVE SO MUCH. so. this pattern of ridiculous word counts continues.

the two cats!! feline gang. get your PAWS off MY CHIP!!!

Can I just. so briefly touch on. I know my timeline is off in CK, because I think it's May/March 2023 in S3? Can't remember. It was dated in episode 2. But like. I am so mad about this. Because that means they skipped/didn't acknowledge:

November 15th, Mikey's birthday, first one without him. (Which, fun fact, and incidental, timeline wise in CK, this would probably be the day Carmen/Chip met since it's mid-late December for them?)

The First Christmas Without Mikey.

AND February 22nd, his Death Anniversary. are you fucking KIDDING ME? WE JUST SKIPPED ALL OF THIS IN THE RENO SKIPS? ARE YOU FUCKING JOSHING ME? THESE ARE SUCH INTEGRAL MOMENTS. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE EM UP MYSELF?!?!?! HELP ME OUT STORER PLEASE.

anyways. carmen thing's he's bad or wtv. too bad he's a weird rat.

i think carmen honestly loves dress up. like he owned so many jean jackets and jeans and also lived in denmark and New York. Like. he'd love to style Chip, truly. also wants her to be on his team and have an easily removable apron but that's neither here nor there.

I love stupid and meaningless that is deep with meaning!!! that's my memo baby that's my number!!

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFEEEEEE WATCH THE TAPES BACK HE KIND OF DID.

I would say more, but I HAVE to go put together chapter 15 and put it out for you. this is all to say thank you so much for your thoughts i remember reading them in the morning and gigglin and being late for work. good times. i always love to read your brain!!

[hopefull-mindset]

I’m eating up all of your Komaeda and Hinata analyses, they’re just so clear and detailed! This might just be my bias, but I’m wondering about your perspective on komahina gradually (hopefully) healing together. I feel like the majority of the fandom mostly focuses on how Hinata would help Komaeda, probably because it seems the more obvious and Komaeda’s worldview is the more obviously skewed. But I feel like Komaeda also has the potential to, at least to an extent, help Hinata heal from his experiences. I don’t doubt that Hinata learned something from the simulation, but he also has a flawed perception of talent and a very low self worth, and I bet it wouldn’t go away overnight. Of course, this comes with the assumption that they would get along again post SDR2, which could be another thing to analyze for sure. Let me know what you think!

Ah I’m flustered again with your kind words! Thank you, I try my best to make sure my point is well explained with backed up reasoning since I tend to suffer intellectually when people don’t do that themselves. Especially when it’s a claim that has no backing but everyone takes at face value *grumble* *grumble*. It doesn’t have to be confirmed canon to be a creditable analysis, a good analyzer doesn’t need to rely on the creator’s every word, but it also can’t just contradict canon itself (unless, if you’re dr3, you contradict canon already and so it’s expected to discard it as creditable). Death of the author doesn’t work like that and it just comes off arrogant, you’re supposed to be working with canon Jesus Christ. Unless it’s a very specific situation where the creator is just garbage at handling their own work, I don’t think anyone deserves that right.

Oops sorry I went off into a tangent. I’m getting a little pissed at what people think is an analysis at all.

Now, with them healing post-game… you’re gonna have to stick with me because this is a lot to speak about. We all want them to be happy together as fellow Komahina shippers do haha, so it’s not you alone that has this bias, but it’s not going to be as quick and easy as the anime shows it to be.

To start, it’s sweet that people do think Hajime can help Komaeda because he can, but they’re going in the wrong direction with this. Hajime is not his nurse, therapist, or at his personal beck and call. Everyone on the island is healing, not just Komaeda. They’re both adults and he doesn’t need to nanny him. Komaeda most likely is going to need more attention medically considering his already poor health and the severed hand of Junko, but mentally? Everyone is pretty much going through some version of mental instability.

Now that’s out of the way, you’re right. People do focus on how Hajime can help him over how Komaeda can help him because it’s more obvious to us. We’re all (hopefully) aware that Hajime had the most positive/impactful influence out of anyone in the cast because of his way of somehow worming into Komaeda’s heart due to their “special bond” and put on a different, more personal level compared to the ultimates. The fact that Hajime proves against what he’s believed in just by being Hajime also works in the favor that Hajime would be the most helpful for him to grow closer with.

I’m glad you brought it up because Komaeda would definitely be as much help to Hajime. A lot of fans have a bad habit of thinking Hajime is much more stable than the rest of the cast and has solutions to everything, when Hajime is also growing with them. Komaeda is deceptively perceptive in how he interacts with Hajime in game. It feels rude when he does target his thoughts toward Hajime and gives his own insight on Hajime’s own person, but he’s never wrong about him when you look back at what’s being said.

When he went on that tangent after finding out what was in Hajime’s file in chapter 4, it was uncalled for to dump that all onto a person at once, but none of what he said about Hajime was wrong. All of it that he said about Hajime admiring hopes peak and what Hajime thought he could be by attending, none of it was objectively wrong. To defend Komaeda in this instance though, he wasn’t being mean on purpose, he was spelling out his own thoughts after being hit with the worst news ever.

However, even in the FTEs when he brings up how similar they are and him being a “miserable bystander” like himself, Hajime always rejects him and by proxy rejects himself. He rejects the part of himself that’s clearly seen in Komaeda at every instance because it’s inconvenient to recognize. Now though, he needs to recognize this if he’s going to accept himself and do what he promised to do outside of the simulation.

To reject Komaeda is to reject himself, that’s why I think it’d benefit both of them to heal with each other and in my wishful thinking, become closer. Another tidbit, as unnerving as Komaeda can be, Komaeda’s uplifting words do clearly make Hajime feel better, especially in chapter 1, and is hurt when he’s the target of distrust or ridicule by Komaeda even after their relationship becomes rocky (oh Hajime, he doesn’t mean it like that). Komaeda is not in the greatest position to help anyone, but these two points would partly help Hajime the most.

To get anywhere near that type of intimacy to let another person get that close to your whole being, especially in their situation, it’s uh. I’m already wincing imagining it play out. Again, It’s glossed over how much work it’s going to take in general for them to heal as a group, but god a relationship like theirs? The only thing I can say is yikes!

Contrary to popular opinion (or unpopular considering what side of the fandom you’re on), it’s not Hajime that’s going to put the most obstacles and barriers between them, it’s Komaeda. Hajime is already on the path of self-reflection and growth, so while for him it’s going to be nerve wracking to try and connect with again, it’s not going to be impossible for him. He already went out of his way to try and understand Komaeda when he’s able to in-game, even after all that Komaeda had did considering his attitude towards listening to his final words when you interact with his cottage after trial 5. It doesn’t make his feelings any less complicated or any less harder for him to confront Komaeda, but he’s going to be more willing in comparison. Komaeda’s side of this is where the real mess starts.

Geez, where do I begin? For one, he’s not gonna be typical Komaeda the way the anime tricks you he’d be. I don’t think he’d be angry at anyone in particular after waking up and finding out everyone is alive. He never was angry at them in the first place, he just stopped idolizing them and did what he thought was right due to his anger at what they decided to become. Questionable I know, but that’s how Komaeda is. Instead, I think Komaeda would just be more lost than he already was, more so after finding out what happened after he “died” and their decision to move forward.

He already keeps to himself, but I think he’d do it more so. I’m not sure he’d know what to say to any of them anymore besides his honest thoughts, which never goes well. He could go back to praising their talents, but for what? Their potential Hope when they’ve already plagued the world with the despair using their talents? What a joke. Again, he can’t easily just let go of what’s essentially his lifeline so that behavior would probably be reserved for people like Naegi or Kirigiri.

Eventually him and Hajime are gonna talk and it’s not going to be pretty. Im sure you can imagine it. This isn’t me saying they don’t have that potential to reconnect because if you remember correctly, he quite literally only apologizes to Hajime in his final message and to his own confusion, says he still cares for him even after what he found out. It’ll just take way longer than just a couple months. It’s not going to be as smooth as it could be, but they’ll try.

Other than that, the only thing to really address is the can of worms that is romantic possibilities. He’s able to truly call him a friend when grown close enough to each other and does show visible improvement in this closeness in stuff like utdp/DrS or Island Mode, but that was already hard enough as it is for Komaeda. I’m not gonna deny that Komahina is “one-sided” in all technical meaning, but not in the way it’s usually used by others. It being one sided means nothing toward Hajime’s general feelings for Komaeda. He still cares about Komaeda regardless of other feelings, but one-sided shouldn’t mean that their relationship stays stagnant?? People use it as if it’s a gatcha to Komahina shippers, which is hilarious.

I don’t like using one sided to describe their relationship as it now has this connotation that Hajime is never going to love him back, and pretty much is an oversimplification of what’s actually preventing him from gaining feelings as well. One-sided is too jarring for me to place on their too complicated mess of a relationship. Kaimaki is one-sided in that I can’t see Kaito responding to her feelings the same way, but somehow they’re suddenly more possible because it’s heterosexual. Too stupid.

Romance should not be important in the healing stage and would probably make things more messy, putting too much importance in romance devalues their relationship to only their ship. Komahina antis are much more guilty of this than the shippers, but it’s a problem I’ve seen with both. If you were to really ask me if Hajime would ever love Komaeda the way Komaeda loves him, then that’s really up to how close Komaeda lets him understand and empathize with him. That’s the only real obstacle here and not one people address well enough.

Hajime could definitely love him otherwise if given the opportunity, but it would destroy Komaeda to let him in that close for him to disappear from his life because of his luck. Issues are complex. Anyway, I hope I answered satisfactory! I could’ve said more, but I’d like to hold those thoughts for another post and I would like to stay on topic believe it or not.

[youremyheaven]

Haha ashwaghanda is my savior right now. I was really depressed and neurotic about everything and that made me even more depressed because I knew there was something wrong with me and just wanted to be normal. So I really hated myself.

But I’d tried ashwaghanda in the past but really needed something to help me. (Im not able to see a therapist because I don’t have much money) so I bought a different brand and it literally had changed my life. It’s also mixed with St John’s Wart, which is another herb and helps with depression. But it does interfere with medications so be careful if you take it.

I was afraid to start it because everyone says it can make you numb but it really didn’t for me. I feel more stable and more at peace I guess. Also you’re supposed to cycle it every 3 months or something. Lmao how I first noticed it was working was I noticed my handwriting got suddenly so much neater lol. Like in the past it was messy and illegible, so I was like hold up… why can I actually read what I’m writing. I think it was a reflection of my mental state. I actually understand myself now and in the past few months have genuinely started loving myself. It didn’t make my anxiety go away but I guess I’m able to realize that I can handle it now. So yeah haha my experience is pretty great so far!

thats amazing!!! when i first tried ashwagandha when i was 19-20, i had a really good time, i slept like a baby, i felt calm and generally more at ease etc

but i tried ash again last year and oh boy 😭😭😭

it made me suuuuper foggy and lethargic, i couldnt even stand up to get out of my bed sometimes bc it made me super out of energy,,

a common side effect of ash is anhedonia, which is described as the inability to feel pleasure and a lack of interest in life. i felt that,, its so interesting to me that you mentioned handwriting and how yours got neater because my journal entries from the time are soooo illegible, messy and looks like the textbook definition of someone whose cognitive capacities were impaired 💀💀🤐 it made me anxious asf, my heartbeat would be racing for no reason 💀💀my brain was sooo cloudy, id sit down on my bed and then 5 hours would pass by just like that and i wouldnt even know it 💀💀i felt very woozy, like my room was floating or smthng 😭

i was severely dissociated and extremely fatigued but i will admit that i did take too much of it 💀💀and i didnt cycle it 😭😭

i think different people react differently and its also impacted by our underlying state of mind and general condition i guess.

i did have a good experience with ash the first time around which is why i took it again last year, only to turn into a zombie cause of it lmao ,, it took me months to recover from it 😭😭

im really glad you had a positive experience bestie <333 its wonderful that ash did all that for you!! when it works, its truly incredible!!

to anybody thinking of taking herbal supplements, PLEASE exercise caution, take it in small quantities, do your research on its impact on any specific conditions you have etc

[ax-y10]

hiatus will be official after this post. i will be back on it. just needed to say something.

i’m sick of how inconsiderate people are. people apologise and apologise and apologise and yet you’re still going to let that information go in one ear and out the other. you are not willing to listen and you are going to go after someone because of something they couldn’t control.

i’m so fucking glad that my mum and dad taught me how to be safe on the internet and how to talk about things instead of resorting to violence and so many essential life lessons.

an example of these are:

some opinions are not worth being shared

if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything

you need to be considerate of the fact that you don’t know what some people have gone through

some things have no reason to be justified, and some things need no justification

these anons are absolute scum. they deserve no place on here. if you are going to hate someone or make someone feel like shit, turn off anonymous and say it right to someone face, even if it is over a screen. do not hide your identity just so you can have a horrid opinion on something.

and if you know people irl that you interact with online, deal with them irl. not over a screen. that is such a bitchy move. do not be an asshole, whether you love or hate that person.

i have so many things i want to say, but this situation is not about me, and i am not willing to be vulnerable on here with such sensitive topics.

if you are not going to accept someone apology and reasoning, fuck off. do not make someone’s issue yours and make them feel even worse. that is a horrible move.

yes, i’m young. yes, i’m a bit stupid. yes, i know basically nothing about the world and i am very uneducated, but i have very knowledgeable parents, even though they’re 33 and 40.

i am very fucking smart, and i know a lot of things. yes, i’m being a little self-centred right now, but it’s needed to prove my point.

accept their apology. make their life and mental health feel okay and at peace. they deserve it. even if they did some fucked up shit and fucked around and “found out”, let them feel okay about themselves.

whether these people have been put in jail a multitude of times or have been involved in a tiny drama at school, you respect them. you do not have to like someone to respect someone. respect is a huge huge thing. so is hate. be responsible.

be a good fucking person and be respectful.

whether you are a responsible adult with a stable income, or you’re a 13 year old using this app, be respectful. be considerate. be a good. fucking. person.

i do not give a fuck if you have the best life on earth, or if you have been sexually assaulted, you deserve any and all respect.

i’ve been talking with a friend who has been dealing with a bunch of shit in the last few hours and he is very very very upset about it and is still a bit hesitant about me doing this. i’ve talked with him and made sure he’s alright and given him every right to restart again, to have a safe space. he’s dealing with his own shit, and i relate to what he is going through.

i don’t want anyone to delve into what i’m saying and try and find this person, but i got hella fucking annoyed with how ignorant people are.

anyways, i’m so fucking over this. read people’s apologies, accept their apologies, and do NOT attack them after they’ve apologised. it is your choice to keep interacting with them or not.

[waheelawhisperer]

Finally back to watching RWBY Volume 9. My thoughts on Episode 7 are below.

Oh boy content warning

I’m sure whatever it is will be handled with the tact and sensitivity Rooster Teeth is known for

Confirmation that Yang snores you love to see it

Ruby’s still struggling with the thought of taking up Crescent Rose again

What the hell are you late for Jaune

Weiss if people are counting on you why did you and your friends run away from the Jabberwalkers in the bazaar

What. The. Shit.

What the fuck is that thing?

Every time I think the Ever After can’t get stupider it proves me wrong

This is so fucking weird Jaune is not coping well with isolation

Naming them after his friends is kinda cute and kinda creepy

Okay so we’ve got a map of the acres. Some of them have very stupid names and I’m glad we won’t have time to visit them. It looks like Jaune is stationed next to the Jabberwalker’s acre, which makes sense because he’s the only one in the Ever After who can drive it away

Jaune how is this your life’s work you’ve explored half the acres on the map at best

Honestly, Jaune, you can run off and let them die. They’ll probably be delighted at the opportunity to Ascend or whatever the shit, given how that one dumbass had to be told to stay away from water. You’d be doing them and us a favor.

Oh my God how many disasters befall this village in a single day

They have to be trying to die. They have to. No lifeform could be this stupid otherwise. Let nature take its course, it’ll be kinder to both the origami dudes and the viewers

No, Jaune, it’s crazy. I don’t blame you for it, but it’s clear you are struggling.

Yang curse count goes up. Not really used with impact here.

“Jaune needs us”... and yet nobody’s noticed that Ruby needs you too

Yeah I was right the paper people do want to die

Afterans have a positive view of Ascension, Jaune doesn’t. I’m leaning toward Jaune on this one.

Yang’s right that they won’t learn anything in the village

Jaune you’re getting very condescending toward the Afterans

Here, it comes out – Jaune is so tired of failing, he’s desperate to protect something he can actually save. Love it. I really do. This is a genuinely nice bit of characterization for him.

You shouldn't have run the first time, Blob.

OH LOOK I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHEN I SAID THE JABBERWALKERS WERE NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF FOR WBY

The Bees are perfectly in sync, damn. Blob is useful in a fight for the first time in half a decade.

Weiss, meanwhile, looks like she’s missing having a partner. Jaune steps in and the White Knight shippers go crazy.

Ruby’s having PTSD flashbacks here, I think we’re going to dig into this more pretty soon

Oh yeah we’re digging into it all right, Ruby is just… well and truly broken.

Get its ass girls

Yang is asking the important questions here. So glad someone's finally taking Neo seriously as a threat after having known she's here since Episode 1.

Jaune’s being an asshole here but I get it, Ruby was a liability in that fight. Understanding and compassion would’ve been the better choice here but Jaune’s clearly not mentally stable enough to realize that

Also I paused at the wrong time and Jaune looked baked as fuck

Oh, now everyone realizes it’s going deeper than just a bad performance in a fight

Once again, Yang, the terrible sister, is the first one to reach out and pick up on Ruby’s distress

Oh. Oh, that is terrible timing. As soon as it clicks that Ruby needs help, something happens to distract them. This has happened a few other times this Volume and it’s not gonna have good effects on Ruby.

Oh thank God the stupid paper people are gone. Feel bad for Jaune though. I feel like they were all that was keeping him sane, but I’m worried that the narrative will prioritize his pain over Ruby’s

I get why everyone is focusing on comforting Jaune instead of Ruby, his pain is louder and more readily expressed, and I think it's a good choice in some ways and a bad choice in others. It's good because it pushes Ruby to her breaking point - she's been abandoned and deprioritized right when she's finally openly displaying that something is wrong. It's bad because Jaune already sucks away narrative focus and I'm frankly tired of it at this point.

Not convinced that framing what is essentially suicide as a positive thing because they’re going to be reborn/reincarnate is a great decision but I don’t expect anything better from Rooster Teeth at this point

HERE IT COMES

I can tell just by her voice that she’s at the end of her rope

Yeah let it all out babygirl go OFF

I’ve seen people say Ruby doesn’t have a leg to stand on with regards to holding a leadership position because she chose it but I don’t really agree. She pretty consistently deferred to other leaders (Ozpin, Qrow, Ironwood) until they failed and only then stepped in.

Homophobic Ruby my beloved, one of the few decent memes to come out of this Volume

Oh, that was cruel, Ruby. I don’t blame you for feeling ignored and alone but that was a low blow, he very obviously cared about them. Honestly, though, I’m glad she’s being allowed to lash out like this. It feels very suitable for her mental state.

Jaune, you were part of drafting that plan. You can’t pin the blame on Ruby.

Penny’s death has really been chewing him up inside, damn

And yet no one’s willing to say what happened out loud so Ruby still doesn’t fucking know

Jaune splits the focus from Ruby at exactly the wrong time and it pushes her over the edge

Oh, there’s no way this ends well

Ruby’s run off, alone, unable or unwilling to fight, when they know someone who hates her is actively hunting her. Y’all better get your butts in gear.

Honestly I think this scene was mostly well done, but there is a… significant issue - namely, the “Yang defends Blob” part. I’ve seen so many people put her on blast, and honestly… I get it. The way this scene was executed significantly lowered my opinion of Yang’s character.

I’ve seen some people say that Yang was trying to pull aggro and deescalate because she’s Ruby’s big sibling and knows how to handle her anger and calm her down rather than prioritizing Blob, and I do think that might well have been the writers’ intent, but… it does not come through in the scene. If you want me to interpret this charitably, maybe have Yang pull aggro off Weiss or intervene when Jaune gets pissed at Ruby. Real hard to believe she’s such a protective older sister when she defends her new squeeze from her sister but just fucking stands there staring as as an adult man twice Ruby’s size screams angrily into that same sister’s face. Come the fuck on.

To say nothing of Blob cowering behind her big strong girlfriend like she’s afraid of getting her ass beat by a girl 2 years younger than she is who can’t even pick up her weapon without having a panic attack like an uwu soft defenseless catgirl. Where’s the Blake who joined Beacon to fight to make things better? Where’s the Blake who called out Weiss for being racist on the first day of school? Where’s the Blake who Yang loved when she was feisty? Where’s the Blake that actually had a fucking spine? Because that Blake hasn’t existed since Volume 6 at the latest. Her grit died with Adam, and its ghost hung around for like 5 seconds in Ironwood’s office when she decided not to let him raise Atlas and then passed on to the afterlife. The writers weren’t satisfied with killing her and now they’re desecrating her corpse.

I don’t know who in the writer’s room has a hateboner for Blake but someone clearly does

it’s absolutely fascinating how little the writers seem to like their own characters

Props to Miles and Lindsay for their performances though, that shit felt raw as fuck

If the fandom's right about the intent here, I think this scene could've worked for me with better voice direction and if Yang had been a bit more proactive and protective of anyone besides her girlfriend, but they dropped the ball. In fact, they dropped it so badly that it made me like both Yang and Blob less than I already do.

Honestly, though, this wasn’t even close to the worst episode. At least it didn’t shit the bed until the end. Amazing how low the bar has been set at this point.

Overall rating: BARELY PASSABLE/10

This episode was mostly okay, honestly. A bit boring, but I didn't have any major issues with the episode-specific content (still hate the Ever After) besides Yang's characterization at the end and also the weird fixation on suicide this show is developing.

[thefallennightmare]

hey i feel stupid and so childish for this but i cannot talk to anyone i know irl about it because i really feel like an idiot and i feel like you give off understanding and loving vibes. i don’t mind if you post this publicly since i would rather not come off anon because of the shame.

won’t go into detail but i have quite a lot of unresolved childhood trauma which i’ve never dealt with and resulted into quite a few mental breakdowns. i would rather would ignore everything and go into my fantasy world. in my fantasy world i’m always a person who’s more loved, appreciated and accomplished than i actually am. i am actually emotionally and mentally stable.

the problem is i also involve musicians that i like to the point where it becomes parasocial. and that’s what’s happening right now for me with noah no joke. 🤡 i look at photos and videos of him and am really upset that i’ll never get to love and be loved by him. it makes me feel worthless that i would never attract someone like him. and i cannot cope with it as silly as it sounds but this happens with me with any singer/actor i get into because i find my actual life so painful to deal with.

anyways sorry for the long message. i know it may be distressing to read but i feel so lost and pathetic

Hi there love.

First off I’m glad you came to me with this. My blog is always a safe space and I want people to be comfortable here.

Unfortunately, I do not have the right experience or knowledge to answer this question correctly. I apologize if you wanted a direction or answer but I do not feel comfortable giving you one.

🖤🪽

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Can’t always get what you Want

Book: Open Heart (book 2 rewrite)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Casey Valentine

Warnings: sexual content, mentions of mental illness, language

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3037

Summary: Ethan and Casey’s rendezvous at Dagger mountain becomes the talk of the hospital. The fallout from this will be explored.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry

Authors note: So you are all thinking, didn’t Tash already do a rewrite of book 2 ch14-20? You would be right but this was one of the first things that I wrote and I have developed the story and characters so much more since and there are elements of some parts that don’t really fit the narrative and also parts that I want to build on to enrich the story.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

June is alone in the diagnostics office, making a coffee on Ethan’s coffee machine. June had been frustrated for awhile now. She knew that Naveen had directed Ethan to put Dr Casey Valentine in the vacant position on the team when Dr Valentine, along with one of the other interns figured out what was wrong with Naveen but she could not stop the feeling she had when she found out that it was not on merit. Ethan had given a short version of the events that lead to Dr Valentine being installed on the team but she was not convinced. Ever since Ethan had started working closely with Dr Valentine, his demeanour at work had changed in subtle ways. When he rage quit before the Ethics hearing, she was convinced there was more to the story. A conversation she had overheard with Harper Emery and Dr Tanaka before the hearings confirmed her suspicions when overheard that Ethan Ramsey was not allowed to testify on her behalf. From then on June made it her business to know about Casey and to try and get her on side as she needed an ally in the room but she saw through the ploy. This only fed her suspicions when she was told by Casey that their history does not affect their work. She was convinced that there had to be an arrangement. Ethan had not had a relationship since Harper and yet that ended up being more of an arrangement. Tobias Carrick, was now convinced that his feelings were genuine and she was determined to find out who was right and also if the relationship could be used to further her career ambitions.

After having trouble finding proof, she landed on a gold mine. She overheard Ethan and Casey start a conversation about a patient but then stated that he wanted to continue the conversation somewhere more private. June followed at a safe distance, ensuring that she was not seen. They then entered his room. June quietly snuck in to the room next door and listened in. She found the the conversation initially somewhat droll, I mean who talks about other careers then she heard it,

“You’re not using this game to escape what is going on are you?”

“I promise I’m not, I am taking it one day at a time and right now I feel this is what I am meant to be doing.”

June ponders on this for a bit then she hears another interesting snippet.

“Casey, will you stay with me tonight?”

“What you don’t want to be alone in the storm?”

“Why would I choose to be alone when I have the woman I have been yearning to spend every night with?”

June sits there in shock. Tobias was right. If it was only an arrangement as she thought what was asked would not be asked…right? She messaged Tobias and did her turn at watching over their patient.

June is still sitting in the office, thinking how best to deploy what she knows when Baz walks in. He gives her an update on how Paula is going then gets to work on his own patients. June decides to leave Baz to it and starts to plan her next move. She is walking past a nurses station when the phone rings. It is Tobias. He apologises for not returning her text sooner. June tells Tobias what she heard. June was asked what she was going to do. She was again frustrated

Meanwhile, Casey is catching up on her patients after the night away. She is glad to see all are stable. She is checking on Dr Ortega’s patients when she gets a page. She goes to the nurses station to get lab results for Paula. Casey notices that one of the nurses looks at her oddly but thinks nothing of it as she reads the results. She heads to the diagnostics office. Whilst on the way to the office she overhears a voice saying “yeah she slept her way on..”

Casey ignores this for now and she arrives into the office.

“I have Paula’s results”

“You see what I see?”

“The lithium yes.”

They go to chat with Timothy and he tells them what happened. Ethan than decides to go and see his mum and Casey follows Timothy. She stands outside the room while Timothy tells Paula. A few interns walk past her and they start snickering. That’s odd Casey thinks to herself. Timothy then pops his head out and asks me to come in. Paula looks upset but is also somewhat relieved that she knows what is going on finally. Paula wants to know what is next and I explain that we will ensure that she is on a correct dosage. It will require regular checks. I also advise Paula about some mental health support services as well but leave this up to her if she wants to use them.

The gossip reaches the ears of Naveen and he is mortified at what he is hearing. He had his suspicions whilst he was being treated by Ethan and Casey that there was something between them. When he announced that Casey was awarded the Junior fellow, Ethan’s reaction was telling and when Ethan met with him to tell him about Brazil, his suspicions were confirmed. He had seen Casey work and he knew that she certainly got to where she is on merit. He goes to track down Ethan, despite the maliciousness of what he had heard, if the happenings of the night before were true then he was very happy that Ethan had found a way around his principles. He finds Ethan, standing out of sight of a patient.

“I have never seen you so anxiously at a patient, Ethan”

“That patient is my mother Naveen. “

“Oh.” Naveen had been told about Louise and Naveen knew it was not a topic to push him on.

“Would you like to come to my office?”

Ethan nods and they make their way. A few odd looks were noticed by Ethan. They make their way to Naveen’s office. Ethan was bracing for questions about his mother so he was surprised when Naveen congratulated him. Ethan was perplexed.

“I suppose you have not heard any gossip today, but if the rumour mill is to be believed then I can presume yourself and Casey are an item?” Questioned Naveen.

Ethan is mortified that his relationship was apart of the gossip.

“After the funeral, I told Casey that I was done with the reset, we had agreed to keep our relationship out of work as much as possible, reporting lines and so forth….”

“Well I know that Casey is on the team on merit and her work more than speaks for itself, there are naysayers obviously…”

Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose.

“How did it get out…I mean the only people in this hospital that were on the mountain besides the team are our patient and her son…”

Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose. He does not articulate it but he has strong suspicion as to who is responsible. Naveen urges him not to jump to conclusions but with how manipulative he knew June to be and Casey having expressed prior concerns about what June knew, well it was not a large conclusion to jump too.

Meanwhile, Casey is doing some paperwork and is spotted by Sienna. She is excited.

“Is what I have been hearing about you and Ethan true?”

Casey stops what she is doing.

“Ok all the strange looks I have been receiving and comments about how I made it onto the team are now all of a sudden making sense.”

Casey then groans in frustration.

Not everyone thinks you slept your way on to the team Casey.”

“I know that Si, but the gossip was apart of the reason why we decided to keep it secret.”

Casey looks despondent.

“I can only imagine what is going through Ethan’s mind right now.”

At that moment, Casey receives a text from Ethan to come to his house for dinner. Casey reluctantly accepts and th hen makes her way to the office.

Casey arrives to find June sitting at Ethan’s desk, again and Casey notes she is looking more smug than usual.

“I have heard a few interesting rumours about you and our esteemed leader today, I just want to know are they true?”

“You know what June, do me a favour and leave me the fuck alone. The only people who were on the mountain besides Rodney, Paula and Timothy was the team, and as well all know Baz and Ethan would not go spreading such.... well anything really so just cut the fucking bullshit and just tell me why you did it.”

“What you think it was me who spread the rumours?” June says shocked.

“Cut the fucking bullshit June! I know you would do anything to manipulate this team into what you want it to be. I also know that for some reason you feel threatened by me, why else would you get my file? I have said it before and I will say it again, whatever history me and Ethan have has no bearing on our working relationship!” I say, getting rather angry at this point.

“Your ass must be sore from riding that high and mighty horse. How is going into the boss’s pent house suite at a ski lodge late at night keeping things professional?”

“Its called having a private discussion June and what was discussed was none of your god damn business!”

Casey starts to feel her blood boil. June is quite contemplating what to say next.

“Well if you were having a discussion then explain why some of the noises I heard sounded more than just like talking...hmm?”

Rage flashes through my body and the next thing I know I have grabbed a book and thrown it at June’s direction. I leave.

Later that evening, I press the buzzer to his apartment. I am more nervous than usual. I am sure he has heard about the rumours, and also my confrontation with June. The front door clicks and I make my way to the lift. I don’t even have to knock on the door as it is already open. I enter his apartment.

“How are you feeling Casey?”

“Aside from all the shit I have had to endure today I am fine”

“No your not” he says handing me a glass of wine. I down half the glass in one gulp. I look at him, a mix of desire, care shock and hurt swirl in his eyes and face.

“You heard the rumours today then”

“Not so much heard but informed by Naveen and congraulated” says Ethan. “What I do not get though is how people knew”

I clench the stem of my wine glass. He can see the anger brewing.

“So You did not hear what happened in the office earlier this evening?”

“What happened?” He asked, looking rather concerned.

“First name June, second name Hirata and one guess as to the source of today’s gossip was.”I finish my wine and I tell Ethan about our encounter. I can tell he wants to be shocked but he knew about June having my file and my suspicions that she knew something. Ethan gives me a hug.

“I heard some of the gossip is not so friendly…”

“There have been instances today where I have heard quite clearly the phrase of she slept her way on Ethan. I know this was some of the gossip you wanted to protect me from…”

“And surely your work and results should speak for themselves, surely”

“Ethan there was rumours about us intern year, he’ll even Landry assumed we were when we weren’t.”

“I like you thought time had passed enough to quell the thought and obviously not, hell even June’s reasoning for having my file was to find out if our history had impact on our work.

Ethan looks nearly as upset as I am. He cups his hand on my cheek.

“I am so sorry you had to endure it today

He kisses me gently. I try to pull away but he lifts me onto the island bench and kisses me again, this time more deeply.

“Ethan...” I whisper as I rest my forehead on his.

He kisses me again, with longing and pain. I return the kiss and he deepens it. Ethan’s hands makes its way up my thigh and moves to my centre. A moan escapes my lips and I kiss Ethan again. My hand moves to the front of of his trousers and I can feel how stiff he is. I undo his belt and unbutton his trousers to let his cock out. I rub my hand up and down his length, savouring each stroke.

“Fucking hell rookie!” He whispers into my ear and then kisses down my neck. I move my head to give him more access. He moves my panties aside to allow him to enter, he looks at me with the unasked question and I nod. He enters gently at first then thrusts in hard. I moan. The sensations continue more intense with every thrust, the pleasure builds. I can feel his movements get more erratic too. He goes harder and deeper “fuck Ethan...” I scream as I reach my climax and follows soon after. We hold each other and hot tears run down my face. He asks if I am ok. I look at him.

“Am I ok? seriously Ethan!!! that has to be the most redundant question you could ask me right now. Today sucked. The weird looks, the whispers, the not so subtle voicing of opinion. And when I was dealing with that, I was wondering if you heard the gossip, how you were feeling and more importantly was there going to be an is.”

I hop down off the bench, pour myself a glass of wine and make my way to the window to look at the view of Boston whilst Ethan stands there in shock.

The oven timer goes off and Ethan checks on dinner. He calls out, dinners ready.

I make my way to the table. “Smells and looks delicious.” I say.

Tuscan chicken he says. We start to eat in silence.

“No I do not fully know what it is like to have gone through what you have endured today. All I know is that I never wanted to you to have ever gone through it, thus why I insisted on the not at work rule and why I denied myself for so fucking long.” The pain is more than apparent in his voice.

“Of course it is more than my reputation isn’t it? It is also yours.”

“Oddly enough I care more about yours than mine. I thought the work you have done with the team so far this year would more than quell any accusation however it appears I was wrong.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Are we over Ethan?”

Ethan is not surprised by the question but he is torn. He has not said it but he loves Casey but the malicious gossip he knew was going to make plenty of people question her professional accomplishments and she did not deserve to ever have that questioned.

“I know we were keeping us on the private side but you deserve so much more than a clandestine affair, I do not want you to have to go to that…”

“I have wanted us for so long Ethan…”

“Me too Casey, me too but you do not deserve to have your reputation tarnished before your career has even begun.

Casey starts to cry. “I suppose some things are not always worth the risk.”

“I wish it was different, honestly I do.”

“I know” says Casey, voice breaking in between sobs. “Good night Ethan.”

Casey gets an Uber home and she messages Ethan to let her know she has arrived home safely. She is greeted by Sienna. She tells Sienna what happened. She is saddened, she knew the whole story but she knew what Ethan felt and it saddened her that the only good thing to come out of the attack was now over.

Meanwhile, Ethan is about to hop in the shower, all the events of this evening running through his head. His phone goes off, a text from Casey stating that she arrived home safely. He turns the tap on and has his shower. He stands under the the shower head, kicks his foot into the wall and yells FUCK! He is angry at himself more than he knew possible. Then he starts crying as he knows he has let the woman of his dreams once again slip through his fingers.

Before going to bed he sends a text thanking Casey for letting him know that she is home safe and goes to bed, falling into a troubled sleep.

It is the next day. Ethan is expecting not to see Casey today so when he enters the office he is surprised to see her there.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you today Dr Valentine.”

“Believe me I was tempted, however I did not want to delay the inevitable. I will not lie, it will suck working together after what happened. A part of me will always care for you beyond words but we can do it.” Ethan can see Casey holding back the tears and it takes all his self restraint to not comfort her.

“ I am in no doubt you are right, would you like a coffee?” Asks Ethan

“Coffee will be great, thanks.”

“Oh and by the way Dr Valentine, if you are here on your own and want one, feel free to make your own.”

Casey lets out a chuckle “what your trusting me with your holy caffeinated grail?”

“I have trusted you with things that are much more important and despite last night, will continue to do so.”

“So friends then?”

“It will take time for it to get to a non awkward point I am sure but yes, friends.”

We smile sadly at each other and continue with our work.

———

Authors note: well that was what was chapter 14. All parts that I have written prior will be reworked. I hope you will all enjoy the rewrite of the rewrite.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @cariantha @tessa-liam @crazy-loca-blog @bex-la-get @a-crepusculo @peonierose @socalwriterbee @trappedinfanfiction @binny1985 @schnitzelbutterfingers @lucy-268

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