#what's the deal with catharsis
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d8tl55c · 17 days ago
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me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop
Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...
#me reassuring myself like#it's okay. look see? they can speedrun the genuine apology process too. see? yeah i know#i know#--/ art#L1_CAT#subpixels#alan becker#green influencer arc#ava influencer arc#(OHMYGO D BRIAN MADE IT??????? NO WONDER IT'S GLORIOUS?!?!?!?)#i don't think there will be- well no. that's a lie there will totally be more great works with these specific themes in the future . . .#because there will probably be these specific problems in the future. but W0w does it hit now.#not that long ago i know i was dealing with angst online. and that just. permeates everything. for *months*#what a shot to the heart !!! new weakness unlocked ! ! ! !#/pos ... yeah no it's. you know what i mean#ghhhhghh the imperfect files feeling defensive about not being included hhhhhhhhhhhhhh kindness to snarling creatures hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!#gonna need to rewatch this a few more times. at Least. hooh#ps: i have a vivid memory of reading a fic on ao3 that emotionally compromised me and i saw in the notes that the author said...#''[please trust me. i know what im doing c: ]'' or something that that's what they meant. it was either a doctor who or a good omens one.#and i did trust them. and the story continued being amazing. and they didn't let me drown in that space i found myself in.#i feel responsible for not letting myself get too far underwater like that- and i have succeeded.#and i also trusted Them (scriptors directors animators etc etc etc). and i am. safe#it feels like there was a wound here i forgot about that is only now beginning to heal. . . ... . . . . . .#i think ill be 100% ready to laugh about it in like. a year. for now we roll catharsis gang#a year is maybe too long. you know what i mean. arbitrary time unit. laundry minutes.
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cairoscene · 2 years ago
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i’m as interested in The Tragedy of Bruce and Jason as anyone but tbh i need for them to not be a tragedy. i need for the sadness of jason’s death, the irrevocable change it had on their lives, the conflict of the aftermath, i need that to have some hope. i need for them to build a new bridge between them. i need them to be happy
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keeps-ache · 4 months ago
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[curled into a ball on the floor] i am dealing with the failure in a healthy, rational way do not mind me
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janiedean · 6 months ago
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phantomchick · 1 year ago
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Looking back on Batman (2022)
Enough time has passed now that my initial adrenaline rush )and then later afterglow) over Batman 2022 has resolved itself at least enough that I can look back on the film a bit more critically.
I enjoyed this movie, I enjoyed this Batman, but and this is a big but, this movie did not like Batman.
The thing about Batman is that he's a grim dark fantasy where a hero who's in pain can use that pain as a motivation to help people, to change things, to strive for a better Gotham because he just can't fucking accept the Gotham that allowed his parents to get killed while coming home from the movies, that kills so many other parents and children and sucks the people that remain into a mire of corruption and austerity. This is not that Batman, this is a Batman that's utterly oblivious to the problems with wealth inequality until the movie rubs in his face and even then has his inaction in his role of Bruce Wayne while letting his Batman role monopolise his every waking thought presented as his main problem. This is not a Batman that announces to a dinner party, “Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on...none of you are safe.”. That attacks violent crime on two fronts by giving legitimate jobs to ex cons by day and solving kidnapping or murder cases by night.
And most crucially this isn't a Batman that ... succeeds. By that I mean yes he solves the grand mystery, yes he saves people in the flood, but the classic Batman would have saved that man he interrupts the bomb disposal squad to answer Riddler's phone call for. The classic Batman would have saved Falcone, evil doer that he is, not because he deserved to live but because Batman is a hyper competent hero who's comic gimmick was that he was quick witted enough to stay ahead of the crooks and always save the person in front of him as a result, perhaps it's only natural for that to be subverted with the Riddler as his enemy (a character invented with the intent of putting the detective hero to the test when it came to his cerebral limits) but because this is a stand alone film, which as the name says has this Batman stand alone with the contents as the only basis to judge him with it has the effect of making his presence as a hero less warranted. After all, does Batman's presence in this film really save anyone besides the flood victims and Selina?
Yes the only victims who really get killed are all bad people but... that's not the point of Batman, the point is that he saves everyone he can.
The film also does the whole 'batman creates his own villains and actively makes the city worse because he espouses vengeance and violence' thing which egh, slightly more palatable with the transition from vengeance to hope, but I really don't fucking like it all the same. And besides that I dislike the idea that vengeance can't be hopeful, that a man who lost everything in one terrifying night, who got no justice, whose loved ones and personal loss and whose innocence remain unavenged saying to himself "I am justice, I am vengeance, I am the night!" as a way of reclaiming everything that's happened to him and everything he wants to be for the people of Gotham whose cries go unanswered by corrupt law enforcement and an even more corrupt bureaucracy, is presented as invalid, as somehow immature. When Batman was always crafted as a mature hero in the mold of the Scarlet Pimpernel and Zorro and James Bond, of Sherlock Holmes! That was part of his central appeal! He's the cool mature down to earth, detective hero.
Here he is reduced to a naive rich boy who's so ignorant his main approach to crime is to inefficiently beat the shit out of whatever hoodlums he encounters and who literally doesn't have the idea of using his money to fix the poverty or corruption fuelling the crime until Riddler highlights what his parents wanted to do for the city by denigrating it + the politician lady who repeatedly points it out. It's a movie that loves Batman but also passionately declares the stupidity of Batman. Perhaps that's also inevitable because solving crime by beating it up while dressed as a Bat is well, silly, when you approach it with real world cynicism instead of the wish fulfillment, the fantasy of being rich and powerful and smart enough to actually do something about an entire city that's drowning in crime, that has been drowning, suffocating, for decades, and have a hope of succeeding. There is no fun of acting like an airhead so the other rich people and crooks will underestimate and look down on you like they look down on everyone in the city as you use your access to learn things people outside that circle of rich opportunists can't and then use it to reveal their crimes as a vigilante whose identity no one suspects. Instead we have a traumatised Bruce Wayne openly beg Don Falcone for information who indulges him because he owes his father that favour and Bruce Wayne isn't a threat, is it interesting pathos? Definitely! Is it dramatic and fun! Also yes! Is it traditional Batman/Bruce Wayne secret identity shenanigans? Well kind of in that it gets him the extra information but genuinely not so much because it's not really an act. Does it have to be traditional Batman? I really don't know. We can't ever create something refreshing like this movie was if we don't try to deviate from the norm and in that regard I think it deserves respect. And yet. There's a but.
This movie doesn't let Batman succeed at anything but the bare minimum as a vigilante but it does let him try his best, always and it lets him care, deeply. Which is enough that it pulls through as a good batman film. However for all the budget and clever characterisation I don't think it's a great Batman film. After all Batman is a superhero fantasy and in those, the good guys are allowed to save the day.
#and yet#batman 2022#bruce wayne#meta#thoughts#personal#batman 2022 meta#batman#something about how he doesn't prevent the flood but does save some people in it could be a great metaphor#for how batman in the comics can't ever fix gotham (because then the comic would end) but he can save people who live there#but i don't actually think that's what they meant to do here#my main problem is the movie clearly doesn't approve of vigilantism and like that's fine but it's a movie about a superhero#and it never lets us really suspend our disbelief because it's too busy being cynical about the whole concept#and like maybe that too is refreshing in its way? the whole this is a stupid way to deal with crimes thing is true#but it also fails to acknowledge that#what other recourse is there? with a police force that's literally in the pocket of the mob#when you look at it like that batman becomes a much more understandable alternative course of action#and a vehicle of narrative catharsis for people who know the law isn't protecting them but still desire justice#desire that the criminals be they the rich defrauding them of what little money they have or the mob bosses actually will see consequences#the whole concept of vengeance is too readily dismissed as toxic and as diametric to hope imo#like yeah i'm all in on a redemptive justice system that actually helps people reform but the idea#that bad powerful people shouldnt be made to face consequences by batman if no one else (because cops and lawyers and politicians won't)#is dismissed soooooo readily to the point where bruce's initial stance on justice as vengeance is presented as two dimensional#something about that bothers me#and i think also gets to the core of batman as a character and to the core of why I can't fully vibe with this presentation of him#for all its many boons
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purgemarchlockdown · 10 months ago
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"Man, I wonder why I'm so hypersensitive to characters who portray themselves as saviors and then turn out to not really be that great" <- Person who WAS NOT saved fast enough
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impossible-rat-babies · 1 year ago
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I just. love the funny intersection eyrie has between DRK and WAR it just tickles my fancy
#it tickles my fancy in an angsty way#it’s like. there was plenty of grief there after haurchefant in HW until their head started getting ideas about deeper pains#old grief with bandages merely pilled up over festering wounds#and they couldn’t deal with it. they weren’t ready to face it#they would have nightmares about the daughter they lost and her asking them these difficult question#and they had no answers. no way of making it make sense. it tormented them#and it all just turned to anger and frustration. what could they do to satisfy their guilt? their grief?#they had no words. it was just rage rage rage#rage enough to drown out fray. rage enough to hopefully drown out the ghost of their daughter#rage enough to drown out the guilt of losing papalymo and the knotted tangle surrounding Ilberd#it’s so much of a shift that embodies denial but also embodies coping#they deny fray. they deny this part of themselves that seeks catharsis and care#it’s denying any softness for a path of destruction and frustration#the denial of softness being one of self harm. a self flagellation to make the pain mean something#there has to be a reason or a justification in general. a way to make it make sense#it goes hand in hand with their complex surrounding blame and taking responsibility when it’s not theirs to take#still puzzling out how it resolves itself in the end#it’s funny in StB how zenos recognizes the way they act but doesn’t truly grasp the motivation#oc: eyrie kisne#ANYWAY GOODNIGHT
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eddis-not-eeddis · 2 years ago
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After literal years of being badgered relentlessly by various friends irl and internet, I have finally taken the plunge and tried a k-drama. (What pushed me over the edge was an analysis on plot structure in k-dramas vs more 'western' tv...really piqued my interest.)
I decided to pick one tv show with a plot that sounded vaguely interesting and promised to be funny and started out. Fool that I was I thought it would be lighthearted and entertaining.
The first three-ish episodes were pretty light, upbeat and funny. And then.
Guys, this show disemboweled me, ripped out my tonsils through my nasal passages, flayed me alive and scattered my remains. I am scarred for life. My little sister and I sat on my bed for three hours sobbing our eyes out.
What they HECK?
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miss-anthropyxx · 4 months ago
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casually spiraling and dont think there's anything i can do about it at this point anymore. i wanna just give up and let myself spiral.
#something something alcohol disclaimer#what is it about depression that has a siren call no matter how well you're doing. why would i ever think it's more comfortable and safe...#been in denial for a bit now; thinking that even if i was sad i was at least dealing wtih it better than i would have in years past#that i'm just normal sad - normal ups and downs. that i was in 'control' and wouldn't fall as Low™️ as being more than 'normal sad' again#i know where things changed for me back in feb and i've been trying to 'get back to myself' since then but i keep falling flat#i've been so terrified of going back to who i was before i was doing so well and yet i feel like it's happening#i'd never done so well for so long and thought i was somewhat safe#thought i had more awareness and coping mechanisms to handle inevitable sad times in life#but almost half the year is passed now and everything is one step forward and either one or two steps back#i'm trying so hard all the time. i work hard at myself#and for what? just to get to many more nights like this where i feel like i'm not trying at all and want to let myself rot?#like the garbage i feel like i am?#i'm either spinning my wheels or getting worse. and i feel like thinking that itself is a bad sign and is hould be fighting that thought.#but it's an observation...#sometimes it's so relieving to just give up#my heart hurts and i keep getting teh anxiety tummy of constant butterflies/the sensation of zero g#every minor thing feels like the end of the world#i want to sob and drink and cvt/burn and shop and smoke weed and drive 100 mph and eat an#anyway thanks for coming to my emotional rampage if you've read this far lolz uwu#*throws self into kink for psychologically relevant catharsis & comfort*#personal
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musical-chick-13 · 6 months ago
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Oh, we are in DANGER territory, my dudes.
#reread the My Space Blorbo Has My Disorder™ fic (or...what I've written of it anyway) for Personal Catharsis™ and uh.#well we are. certainly crying now.#not because like 'oh I'm SO talented this is SO moving' but because 'oh wow yeah this IS what it's like huh. I DID put so much of myself in#this wip. It IS still like this.'#like. idk. it is mental health awareness month. I'm not in a position to actually DO anything to (for lack of a better word) Celebrate it#but. maybe I could like...post parts of this?#like maybe it can be the focus of the 6 sentence sundays/wip wednesdays for the rest of the month#but. idk.#she just feels...so alone. in this story. and GOD do I know that feeling. she has such an inaccurate perception of herself. just like#people tell me I do. she's unapologetically herself but she worries about EVERYTHING.#she thinks that who she is as a person is just...fundamentally incompatible with the things she values.#and yeah obviously there's a great deal of Self-Projection here (as is the case when you get Disproportionately Unhinged over a#character you yourself did not create) but like...idk. there was a reason that I held onto her so tightly in my teens/early 20s.#and there's a reason why (as the past few months have shown) those Blorbo Feelings never really went away#and I read this back and I just...yeah. having this disorder sure does feel like that lmao.#(even if hers doesn't manifest in the same way as mine does)#and being so bluntly reminded of all the ways it Sure Does Feel Like That.................yeah. like I said. crying.
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philosophicallie · 11 months ago
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also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY
small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY
#this is a very personal problem and i wish i could complain more but i dont have theq energy and all i have are tears#but like i already live thru the embarrassment of asking for help constantly and using stupid ass ladders#cant i at least fucking have some actual short people pants please. please. i have to geqt shit tailored or start doing mods myself but#I SHOULDNT HAVE TO ITS 2023#i literally want to die tonight so i can stop being a burden on my bfs bc i can feel it i can feel how taxing i am and i know i shouldnt be#thinking this but like. i cant stop. i make it hard to be my friend i make it scary to be nice to me all i wnt to do is attack bc im hurtin#but thats not. gonna make me feel better in any way but thats not gonna stop the constsnt impulse in there to just start screaming#and its worse knowing thwt no matter what route is taken ill still get angry. or maybe i just want them to be angry about me already so i#have an excuse to get wngry back and idk. feel catharsis through that or something#idk. i hate my stupid brain and i hate my stupid ex for making me hate it more#im so angry and i have no one who is comfortable enough to deal with that so instead ill sleep earlu @#idk i hate differences they make me fixated on all the ways i can get angry about it so idk how to deal w that#i have so much to compare + i cant say it bc if i do then theyll be conscious abt it/theyll know its smth that just adds .1% to anger meter#ugh i think were hoing to moms this Christmas and while thsts nice i dont. have the emotional capacity to confide in her#i only want my mom. but i cant tell her any of this bc theres nothing that she csn even do#other than just throw money at me for support#i hate this#original#vent
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ranishereforphae · 11 months ago
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guys i just got sent a dm on facebook from a guy that i dont remember about something i did a decade ago as a literal child with zero filter at the time,,,
#i got so panicked and i felt my vision just darken till it was just pinpricks#and like ive only ever felt that much like fear when something is horribly wrong#like im about to get hit kinda thing#i wrote out a message and sent it to my gc with elementary friends#they knew what i was like then so it felt reassuring to share it#but im still shaking and idk if i should reply to the guy#maybe he needs something to push catharsis on whatever it was#**for whatever he's dealing with right now#but i feel like he would go ballistic on me if i ever tried to answer him#seems like he's going through it#i tried to look at his profile to remember who he was but it was full of abused puppies#like the ones from content farms that are like THIS PUPPY WAS BURIED ALIVE BUT WE SAVED THEM#and like i get physically sick looking at that kind of stuff#because i know somesick fuck out there is definitely doing it for views but i dont know which one#and idk...im weak to seeing animals and people in pain??#ANYWAYS long tags aside#he asked me why i am a bitch#called me slutty#told me to go to hell#((BUT IM ALREADY THEEEEERREEE))#and said “you make me a lot angry when we were grade 7”#called me bitch#and sent a couple of middle fingers#like yeah okay...stick it up to the man...? fight your bullies...?#i dont know anymore#i dont remember anything with him#i was defo super cringe confrontational and violent then but uhhh i remember who i was mean against and he's not one of them#rambling ran#i need to sleep christ
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weeb-cheese · 1 year ago
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I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion about how harmful and self destructive the “anti” philosophy is. And it’s actually really interesting in a morbid curiosity and fandom history kind of way. I’ve even seen people doing like full on academic research about it.
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incorrectbatfam · 1 month ago
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What is each of the batfam members approach as a tutor to a student/hero trainee?
Dick: locks them in jail for a few weeks (so they know what it's like and won't abuse their power by throwing people in left and right)
Jason: makes them deliver birthday presents to late henchmen's children (people are multifaceted, action have a ripple effect, and taking lives should only be the very last resort)
Tim: hosts a trivia night where he asks them questions about an anime that doesn't exist (to test whether they lie their way through or admit they don't know)
Damian: asks them to assist him, criticizes them when they do, and repeat (being a hero can be a thankless job but they have to brush it off and do it all over again)
Duke: makes them read a book at a concert and quizzes them after (vigilantes are surrounded by distractions and need a laser focus)
Cullen: makes them beta-read a bunch of bad Wattpad fanfics (desk work is tedious but just as important as fieldwork)
Stephanie: sticks them in a customer service job for a month (they have to deal with all manner of civilians while maintaining a positive image)
Cassandra: sets a trash can on fire, bursts a water pipe, and releases a bunch of rats (multiple things can happen suddenly and they have to know how to triage)
Barbara: makes them watch a movie marathon that keeps buffering (investigative work is a lot of waiting around and seeing what happens)
Harper: has them fix a car with the wrong instruction manual (what's being ordered isn't always what needs to be done)
Carrie: hires a bunch of actors for a giant game of Where's Waldo (attention to detail in a fast-paced environment)
Kate: offers a sparring session as an outlet for pent-up emotions (they pass the test if they don't take her up on it—vigilantes shouldn't be fighting for personal catharsis)
Helena: invites them to a formal vigilante job interview but keeps rescheduling (until they assert themselves and establish clear boundaries)
Luke: invites them to the Wayne Enterprises lab and spills a beaker of vinegar without stating what it is (understanding emergency protocol and facilitating effective communication)
Bette: gives them a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle but puts the last piece in a locked box (she'll give them the key—they just need to ask her for help)
Alfred: makes them organize files in the Batcave while something is going down on the field (they can't always be there and have to compartmentalize)
Selina: volunteers them to clean up after a three-day music festival (crime scenes are gross and they need a strong stomach)
Bruce: plans a last-minute dinner party and puts them in charge of the kitchen staff (taking leadership and knowing how to delegate)
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eeldritchblast · 16 days ago
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Wyll Ravengard Deserves Healing Too
Every origin companion in Baldur’s Gate 3 is traumatized in some form or another, and they all deal with it in different ways. That is only realistic. But let’s take a deeper look at the inequality between how these stories of trauma are written and presented to the player. Because when we do that, it is extremely noticeable that there is one character who never receives the same level of catharsis bestowed upon everyone else: Wyll.
Shadowheart was abducted as a child to be raised in an abusive cult. When this is brought to light, the player is able to help her confront her abuser and find her parents again. Even if her parents die, Shadowheart is at least given closure; she has a whole scene in which we see her finally break down into tears, and the player can comfort her.
Gale ended up with an orb of Netherese magic inside him, ready to explode and destroy not just him but everything in his radius. He went into a deep depression and relied on Tara to keep him alive, pre-game. His goddess/ex-lover then tasked him with a suicidal mission. But Gale is able to confront Mystra and either regain her compassion or reject her and forge his own godhood. Either way, Gale is able to heal physically and emotionally.
Lae’zel, much like Shadowheart, was also raised in a torturous environment, only to realize that her Queen Vlaakith is nothing but an abuser and a user. She is able to ally herself with a rebellious faction rising against Vlaakith, not just freeing herself but potentially her entire People.
Karlach was betrayed by Gortash and sold to Zariel, who replaced her heart with an infernal engine, making it impossible for Karlach to keep living outside of the Hells. Even if she doesn’t end up with a cure, the player can at least help her confront Gortash, and like Shadowheart, she gets a whole special scene for her to finally work through her bottled up emotions.
Astarion was enslaved and tortured by Cazador for over two-hundred years, who would have used him in a ritual that resulted in his death. The player can help Astarion confront Cazador and potentially kill him, which leads to Astarion getting a small scene where he cries out in a mixture of emotions.
But what of Wyll? At just age seventeen he was given the choice of either selling his soul to Mizora, or see Baldur’s Gate fall to a dragon cult. The terms of his pact prevented him from telling the truth about the situation, resulting in his idolized father banishing him. Ever since, he was bound to Mizora, and we see how she treats him in game as if he’s a dog. Wyll is just as traumatized as his companions, and yet, where is the ability to comfort him? Where is his closure? It’s all disregarded, in favour of more content with Mizora.
Wyll’s personal quest at the start of Act Three has him forced to choose between giving up his soul to save his father, or freeing himself and seeing his father die. Now, it is possible – though difficult – for the player to rescue Duke Ravengard themselves even if Wyll breaks his pact with Mizora. But even if this is so, reading Mizora’s mind results in the player hearing her admit she will never stop trying to harm Wyll’s father.
The reason you can read Mizora’s mind is because she is just there, hanging out at your camp! There is even a sex scene between her and the player available! Just imagine for a second, if that was Cazador or Viconia in Mizora’s place. Mizora is nothing but Wyll’s tormentor, just like Cazador for Astarion and Viconia for Shadowheart, and yet she is permanently there, giving witty one-liners and trying to seduce the player. Attack her, and she only disappears to reappear again, unharmed. You cannot get rid of her, and it’s played for laughs.
Wyll deserves comfort. Wyll deserves a chance to show his emotions, too. Yes, I’m aware that part of his character is that he tries to downplay his concerns in order to maintain his heroic persona, but that just means it would have been even more powerful to finally gain his trust enough for him to share how he feels with the player, truly.
Wyll is the only Black companion – and only one of two visible characters of colour, period. (The other being Karlach, who while yes is a tiefling, based on her facial features in the full release of the game is East Asian.) It is hard to believe it is all just coincidence that it is the only Black companion was given no opportunity by the writers to receive any significant emotional support or show any significant relief from his trauma. Statistically, African Americans who need mental health treatments receive less than 50% of treatments that white Americans receive. This is despite African Americans having 20% more likeliness to undergo serious psychological distress than white Americans. [X]
No, Wyll Ravengard is not a real person, and I am not attempting to equate a fictional character to real life struggles. My point here, is that the way in which Wyll was written mirrors the way in which the mental health of Black men and boys in real life is systematically ignored and downplayed, with the belief that they can and must “tough it out”. My point here, is that I have a hard time believing the prejudices and stereotypes against Black people did not contribute to Wyll’s lack of content. Specifically, the lack of content related to his healing.
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yostresswritinggirl · 2 years ago
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What Do You Mean I'm The New Grand Sage?!
Alhaitham, Cyno, Tighnari, Kaveh x Grand Sage! Reader; separate, gender neutral
In some twisted turn of events, Lesser Lord Kusanali herself thought you are the best candidate for the position of the Akademiya's Grand Sage. From a Haravatat Researcher to soon running a whole region, how do you deal with this? And do the prodigal scholars approve of you?
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'It's been weeks now and there's still no proper Grand Sage.'
'If it were me, I would have fired the two remaining sages, they might scheme as revenge.'
'How can we trust the choices of the next Grand Sage anyways? What if history repeats itself?'
Despite the House of Daena being respectfully quiet with only murmurs and mumbles from the surrounding entourage, these unspoken words taunt and occupy the mind of the Dendro Archon as she takes into account all the thoughts of her people regarding the matter.
All the candidates for the Grand Sage and other sage positions, as well as the exceptional figures of each darshan (some of which are familiar to her) crowd around the table where the Lesser Lord situated herself.
Unfortunately, based on Nahida's standards, none of them qualify for the position.
"Lesser Lord Kusanali?" Opening her eyes, Nahida tilts her head to the Scribe situated on a seat next to her, a quill unused in his hand. "Is something the matter?"
"Just deep in thought." Crossing her arms, the god of wisdom would hum to herself as she tapped her chin. "For example, what would the new Grand Sage do once they get appointed?" And with that, she closed her eyes again.
As expected, more thoughts filtered through her mind as the audience took the bait and began pondering on the provoking question in their minds.
'Just do what the past Grand Sage did? Minus the evil? This is easy.'
'As a Grand Sage, I would probably fire all the personnel, they can't be trusted.'
'Cultivate wisdom and govern Sumeru as best as possible, right?'
'With the Lesser Lord in power, probably just answer to what she wants.'
'Hm, to what extent did Azar mess up the system anyways? It would definitely be good to fix the things that he deliberately abused as soon as possible, right? The unnecessary laws, look into the international affair decisions he's done too, he might have signed contracts that would be damaging to Sumeru in the long run -'
A hit! But an unfamiliar voice. Opening her eyes, the god of wisdom looked around the area to look for the voice to match a face.
"Are you looking for something, Lord Kusanali?" Cyno straightened up on his stance by her side as he watched the archon stand on her seat. The action urged him to scan the area too, albeit for different reasons.
'Why am I thinking about this right now? I should really hurry home -'
"Over there!" The crowd parts like the sea as everyone in the area turned towards someone in researcher garb. Which looks to be... drenched in water. Looking up from wringing the sleeves of your robe, you finally notice all the attention on you.
"Ah! Sorry about the mess, I fell in the fountain in front of -"
"You shall be the new Grand Sage, (Y/N)."
The whole Akademiya seemed to have quieted down to the point that you could hear the individual droplets of water splatter from your hair on to the marble flooring of the House of Daena.
"Huh?"
And like catharsis, everyone exploded in exclamations of disbelief. Including you.
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"With their determination alone, their steadfast effort is enough to shape them to the right person to hold the title of Grand Sage."
With the absence of the Akasha Terminal and the person that holds records of documentations and research, Alhaitham was reasonably the person that people flocked towards for information about you. Despite the inconvenience, there are a lucky few that the Scribe entertained.
The male personally knows you as a Haravatat graduate who researched about the current civilization and quality of life of Sumeru in great detail, something that honored your name for being their darshan's most cited thesis. And when asked about your eligibility to be the next Grand Sage, he repeats those words, even when the archon herself asked.
After all, he himself had been privy to that determination. Your dedication to graduate and use your knowledge to create something worthwhile, beneficial, purposeful. A kind of vigor for knowledge so pure and immense that not even he remembers having the same amount of passion.
Even now as he pretends to be occupied with his book, he watches as you practically lay on the huge table for Azar the Grand Sage in exhaustion, Alhaitham was confident that your sighs results from your worry of finding the best solution.
He lowers his eyes back to the pages just in time with you finally lifting your head. "Alhaitham?" He pretends the small smile was out of politeness, not because you have yet to get accustomed to being entirely formal with him.
"Yes, Future Grand Sage?" Alhaitham masks his voiceless laugh with the book in his hand at the sight of you huffing, sputtering at the foreign title.
"Azar had you draft the gazette when he makes up a new law or order, right?" He nods, you grip your head as if you were having a headache, which is quite likely at this point. "If you don't mind, do you think you can give me a copy of all of the laws he created? And the meeting transcripts too?"
"That is certainly doable. However," you straightened up when Alhaitham stood across the table to stare you eye to eye, placing his book on your table. "That would be hundreds of documents to go through, are you sure you're able to utilize that amount for your perusing?"
The expression on your face showed that you haven't exactly accounted that part. But there it was, that flicker in your eyes that captures you so perfectly, the perseverance that had always kept you afloat. Now he can bare witness to it. "I'm sure."
Even if he didn't have to, Alhaitham stayed by your side the whole time, assisting you about certain laws and contexts if you ever needed it.
And when you fell asleep on the table after hours of reading, he immediately placed his cape on your shoulders, because you needed it.
Surprisingly enough, Alhaitham is the one who puts in a good word about your designation out of all of them.
What they're unaware of is that he's quite fond of you and your prestige, being in the same darshan had him subtly defending you from the rumors other darshans/candidates spread.
You should be grateful that you have Alhaitham as your Scribe. Not only is he meticulous and dedicated to his work, but he acts as your assistant with how closely related your positions are.
Perhaps his usefulness and help also stems with the fact that he was the most recommended candidate before he declined, and the knowledge he had honestly makes him look like your master and you his apprentice.
A lot of times, you end up comparing yourself to him when you feel like you're lacking.
Thankfully, Alhaitham's perceptive made him aware of your tells, and knows when you're having such thoughts. He would try to derail that train of thought immediately, subtly remind you of your progress, or straight up tell you you're wrong.
For such an emotionless co-worker, he sure does well with being your hypeman.
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"A lack of harmonious relationship with the archon, even with the people of Sumeru, became the downfall of Azar, . That level of respect is crucial in ensuring that history would not repeat itself."
As Lesser Lord Kusanali's main guardian, it was only logical that his beliefs about what the new grand sage should embody reflects that. And perhaps there were also some details that influenced his opinion, details that he would never elaborate on.
This isn't the first time he had been less receptive to the decisions of the archon (the first being the punishment of the Sages, if you can even call it that) but this one has more potential to go awry than any other.
His cold stare only grew colder, sharper, now that you've been assigned the highest seat in the Akademiya. You can tell his prejudices without him having to spell it out.
The harshest of glares usually happen when you request an audience with the god of wisdom, him always standing by her side in case you become hostile. Which is honestly quite a hilarious take - you? Harming a god? But with the history of the previous Grand Sage's you can't exactly call his fault.
In your case however, despite the stories of Cyno's job as the General Mahamatra, you never once feared the possibility of his judgment on you as an academic. After all, if you had done nothing bad, then you're out of his case, right? So as far as you know, this is your first time knowing about each other's presence.
Although, being nominated after you fell in the Akademiya's fountain and made a mess everywhere you walked certainly isn't the best first impression.
However, after one too many times you feel a chill up your spine yet see no one when you look around the area for a possible cause, you're starting to suspect that he may know you more than you know him.
"She's currently resting in the Sanctuary of Surasthana, don't -"
"Ah, no, I'm not here to ask about Lesser Lord Kusanali today." At your sheepish demeanor, Cyno opted to close his mouth and wait for your reason to approach him. So you continued. "I was actually hoping if you could accompany me to Aaru Village."
"The desert?" Why him?
"I've heard that you've been closely working with Lesser Lord Kusanali to rebuild the relations with the desert side of Sumeru." Your fidgeting made him notice the thick notebook tucked under your arm. "I wanted to ask questions about the details, as well as see for myself what else could be done."
There was a long pause of silence that passed by with you mostly avoiding looking into his eyes directly. Humbled but respectful. Cyno sighs. "You're not in proper attire to journey to the desert, nor do you have the proper equipment." Your gaze followed his retreating form until he stopped and looked over his shoulder to you. "Are you coming or what? Standing around does not count as preparing."
"Right! I'm on it!"
It was a long process, but you managed to convince Cyno of your worth, especially when it comes to your efforts to help the desert. He had seen it all himself and at this point he couldn't deny it any further.
Cyno would find his tailing to be out of security instead of suspicion, often times finding himself walking by your side as your protector whenever you had to go out. After all, you're still an important figure, your safety is high priority.
Soon, it would be you who he would go to concerning updates about the desert, hearing out your efforts for rehabilitation. Your desert internship program to help Setaria with her education efforts is by far his favorite.
Despite being the General Mahamatra, he found a bit of his job description changing: being the protector of the Dendro Archon and the new Grand Sage.
Whenever you have to cross to the desert to either talk with the village chief or negotiate with the Eremites, he would always find time in his schedule to be your escort.
Perhaps it was his mistake to doubt Alhaitham's judgment on this one. At the very least, Cyno became your ever reliable check-and-balance.
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"At the end of the day, well intentions are enough of a factor to understand the path one would trek no matter the adversaries."
Tighnari was positive that he wouldn't have to deal with the Akademiya anymore after Lesser Lord Kusanali, maybe even enjoy a more peaceful life in the forest now that the Withering had stopped spawning together with Eleazar disappearing.
But of course, the exiled sages just had to be dropped into his forest for their 'tap on the wrist' punishment. Perhaps that would be the end of the Akademiya pestering him now that there's no need to exploit him for some evil scheme.
Well, the world had never been to kind to the forest watcher, what would make this any different? The hybrid would sigh as he watched a group donning Akademiya robes approach Ghandarva Ville, none of which he's familiar with.
This is a larger group compared to the ones the previous sages trying to coerce him back to the city brought - now that he squints, there seem to be Corps of Thirsty members tailing the group, too. This doesn't bode well at all.
At least Cyno's there. "And what business do you have in Ghandarva Ville to cause such a ruckus so early in the day?" Straight to the point, Tighnari stares dryly at the person that seems to be in charge of the group.
However, at the sight of Cyno freezing up in his peripheral, the forest watcher immediately realized that this is unlike any other encounters he had dealt with. Unlike the arrogance of the other scholars and sages, he could see how you looked conflicted from speaking.
"Seeing as you don't look to be well-informed," ah there's the Akademiya scholar he expected. The researcher gestures to you. "The Future Grand Sage is here to see the exiled former sages in hopes to interview them about their previous positions."
He wants to bite back, he really does - why was he not informed beforehand? Why are there so many personnel with you? How sure are they that you are not trying to conspire with Azar? Why are YOU the next grand sage?
"Alright." And he will never admit the relief he felt when your despondent look immediately lifted at his response. "It's a bit of a walk from here. And being the person assigned to oversee their training, I would like to be there during the exchange too."
"Thank you." You cut off the arrogant spokesperson before he even uttered a single word of protest, presenting a bulky journal in your hand to the forest watcher. "I actually prepared a set of questions to ask that you could verify -"
Old habits die hard, and admittedly, Tighnari didn't want to treat you more than the people he works with everyday, the people around you can easily do that for him. But he refrained from letting any past prejudice cloud his judgment on your character: there is undoubtedly something different about you in comparison to the old sages, and he didn't want his attitude to change that.
One day during one of your many visits however, Tighnari may have spilled a bit about his discontent about the attention your entourage brings to his forest. Even with you next in charge, he still dislikes bringing the affairs of the Akademiya to the forest rangers' territory.
He thought his words was out of pocket when letters of notice regarding your arrival ceased. Did you get all the information you needed from the sages? Or was what he said finally drove you away? That wasn't at all his intentions.
One random encounter brought him answer when the suspicious cloaked figure waving at him from behind a tree turned out to be you. "You said you didn't want my personnel to come so I decided to visit discreetly from now on."
At least you were... considerate. Conversation came easy without multiple glares constantly stabbing him in the back, talking about your progress as well as the conditions of Ghandarva Ville on the way to the training area of the sages.
While he was wary and skeptical about your appointment despite his utmost trust in the dendro archon's judgment, Tighnari soon came to accept your honesty and determination.
That transparency and good-intended perseverance are what Azar lacked, but under your rule, perhaps Sumeru would really be in good hands now.
Tighnari leaned against the tree as he watched your passionate discussion with the previous Haravatat sage. Undeniably, you as you are now without the title, greatly reminds him of someone dear.
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"We've long realized that wisdom alone begets arrogance. Perhaps fixing the prejudices against the pursuit of art and whatever this and that Azar has gotten his grubby hands on should be first priority."
"Let me through! I must speak with them, this is important matter, too! If the new grand sage is really -"
Turning your head towards the commotion, your conversation with Alhaitham ended shortly as a tuft of blonde became visible from the sea of Mahamata's trying to keep him away from you.
Patting the imaginary dust off his sleeves, Kaveh would look into your baffled gaze with unyielding resolve. "I've heard you had been meticulously gathering the opinions of Sumeru and thought I could be of help."
"Exercise some tact, Kaveh, we're in the presence of the appointed Grand Sage here."
"I don't need your sass today, Scribe -"
"No, it's fine, Alhaitham. I was actually planning on talking to Kaveh at some point, anyways." Wait, you are? Kaveh dumbfoundedly asked as he watched you move a few books around to get to a worn out journal under the pile. "I assume you're here to represent the arts."
Besides the conversation, Kaveh insists he takes you out to the Bazaar and his magnum opus to properly showcase the culture. Alhaitham, who looked positively displeased of the impromptu outing, had to stay back to focus on documenting a new batch of submitted thesis.
It was endearing to see someone as passionate about change in Sumeru as you talk about the harmful acts Azar published against the Bazaar and the pursuit of arts. Well, what else can you expect from the Light of the Kshahrewar?
Talking to him about anything and everything felt like you were conversing with friends, a very vocal and expressive friend. Especially when you're introduced to the Palace of Alcazarzaray, something he looks at with both pride and regret.
"I am simply making sure that Alhaitham had not brainwashed you with his sense of morality. Knowing him, you won't gather such thoughts about the importance of arts from him."
"Thank you for bringing this to my attention." You really were, after running around from here to both ends of Sumeru, you're very grateful that your source of info decided to come to you instead. "It's not an easy feat trying to undo 500 years worth of corruption."
"I can already see how Sumeru would be under your care." He flashes a genuine smile. "Thank you for hearing me out as well, future Grand Sage, I'm rooting for you. You're already doing much better than the previous Grand Sage."
It was a simple reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, but when he finally sobered up from the feeling of elation, Kaveh can't help but scream to his pillow about how buddy-buddy he acted to THE FUTURE GRAND SAGE!
Kaveh offers a fresh perspective and a lighter, reassuring encouragement in comparison. Perhaps being the person who knows less of the details helped form a positive judgment.
Like Tighnari, he keeps a level-headed approach when it comes to your position, but less about respect and more on shared beliefs.
When it comes to efforts to rehabilitate certain areas, Kaveh is always quick to offer his guidance and opinion. He knows you trust him due to his honesty and genuine want for a better future for Sumeru.
He's also the type to casually waltz in to your office when he has a brilliant idea or important information to share. At this point, he's talked to you more than the new Kshahrewar sage - if he's so adamant to be heard, why didn't he accept the nomination?
Whenever he stumbles upon you when you're outside or he sees you pondering the giant orb™ in your office, he's quick to voice his concern and urge you to take a break.
His intentions recently are hard to read, but he really does believe in you, and he's not shy to voice that fact.
You just find yourself missing the quietness of your office before Alhaitham and Kaveh's banter in front of your table became commonplace.
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"The Akademiya and Sumeru as a whole would surely flourish under this new samsara if I were to lead it with you by my side."
Lesser Lord Kusanali gives a knowing look at the sight of you standing straight in the presence of the archon, opting to offer your seat (which she declined) and refusing to sit down as a sign of respect.
She didn't need to read your mind to know. "How have you been? I've heard from the others that you've been working really hard to prepare for your inauguration."
Conscious, you pulled at the grey sleeve signifying your position as the current sage of Haravatat. Admittedly, it was a little stiff and stuffy for you, thicker and more uncomfortable than your uniforms in the Akademiya as a scholar and researcher. You missed those times.
"I've gathered a lot of opinions and information about operating as a sage as well as the current matters of Sumeru." Nahida smiles widely at this, before her expression faltered when you still had a bothered look on your face.
As far as she knows, you've gathered all the resources you need, more than you need even. So why do you seem troubled still despite your meticulous preparation? "Is there something in your mind?"
"I don't - I respect your wisdom, I really do and I'm honored that you think of me this way. But I'm - is this really the right decision? Am I really fit for this?"
Oh, so it's about that! You looked up from your journal laying on the table at the sound of the dendro archon's giggles, not at all expecting that reaction. Was your question that laughable?
"Not at all, I'm just amazed that you haven't noticed." Floating over to where you stood, her tiny hands reached up to give you - head pats? Embarrassed but too scared to deny, you took the gesture. "Since that day, I was certain that there would be no other puzzle piece that would fit the position of Grand Sage other than you."
You part your lips to interject, but she was quicker.
"And besides, there are many who share my view. I'm not the only one who believes in you, and you will see it for yourself when the time comes."
"When the time comes?" Holding on to your hand, Nahida starts pulling you towards the elevator and out of the House of Daena. Only when you reached the double doors of the Akademiya did she finally let go.
"You have these doubts because you are a good person, (Y/N). And even then, your own thoughts cloud your mind from seeing that the only person that doubts you now," Nahida would gesture towards the door. "Is you."
Looking back and forth between the entrance and Nahida's encouraging smile, you took a deep breath before pushing open the door -
Only to be met by a roar of cheers and explosion of applause.
Your fellow Sages, Alhaitham, Cyno, Kaveh, even Tighnari (with his ears pressed down) stood near the entrance with smiles of their own. But looking past the Akademiya staff and scholars, a crowd made up of Sumeru citizens from Port Ormos, the Bazaar, Ghandarva Ville, and even Aaru Village occupy the platform and every inch of the paths going up and down the Divine Tree.
Their collective chants mixed together to convey their utmost respect and belief in you.
"Every single one of them are here to root for you," turning to your side, Nahida stood next to you with a gray hat cradled on her palms. "Grand Sage."
Biting your lip to stop a big wobbly grin, you finally let out a relieved sigh as you kneeled in front of the god of wisdom, closing your eyes as she walked forward to place the hat of the Grand Sage on your head.
"People of Sumeru, may I present to you the new Grand Sage, (Y/N)."
The overwhelming amount of support from everyone made you take off your monocle to rub at your eyes.
And when your biggest supporters stepped forward to congratulate you, everything felt just right.
You got this.
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Can't believe my random idea got written first lmaao alright we're in the good feels arc now
@ireallylikehamsters
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