#what’s funny is now we’re going to report the fuck out of this post and they’ll remove your account

[chrissy-kaos]

Kill yourself scammer

Well that escalated quickly.. I don’t fucking scam anyone. In fact I’m probably the realest person on this site. So whatever your gripe is asshole, you can not so kindly fuuuuucccckkkkk ooooofffff

[outsideratheart]

The Bet (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: Based off this request

“Chicas!” You shout just before the team return to the pitch for the second half “here’s a little incentive for you in case lifting that trophy isn’t enough. If we win this then I will get a tattoo to celebrate” 

The look of disbelief on every player’s face would have been funny under any other circumstance but you wanted them to know that you were very serious. Your body was a blank canvas and getting a tattoo never interested you even when some of your closest friends begged you to get one. Ink wasn’t really your thing, hair dye on the other hand well that was how you expressed yourself. You had tried every colour under the sun and then repeated it. 

Alexia on the other hand loved to use her body as art and every single tattoo on her skin told a story. Her hair up until her injury had been brunette. When you told her that her tearing her ACL is like a bad break up, she has to learn to move on so he decided to do the typical thing after any break up, she died her hair and you loved the blonde more than the previous colour. 

Knowing that you and Alexia have a competitive relationship they all looked at their captain to see if she would rise to your bet.

“You know what! If we go out there and pull off one of the greatest comebacks in Champions League history I will die my hair” 

The team couldn’t believe what they are hearing. 

Your word was your bond and you never went back on your word. Alexia was a woman who when made a promise, always kept it. It made you both incredibly trustworthy but as the final whistle is blown you cannot help but think your good word had gotten you in trouble.

“We won” Alexia pulled you close as you walked over to where your families were.

“Baby, we’re fucked! We can’t go back on this” Inside you were panicking. Alexia’s promise could be temporary but yours was permanent.

“Don’t be such a wuss. How about this? You can pick my hair colour if I get it pick your tattoo”

You loved half of this plan. You already had a colour in mind but whilst you did trust Alexia with your life, you couldn’t guarantee that her choosing what is going to be on your body for the rest of your life is a good idea.

“Trust me, you’ll like what I have planned”

“Fine but you’re dying your hair pink”

Alexia’s eyes widen at your choice of colour but having been the person to suggest the idea, she couldn’t exactly go back on it now.

After playing Panama, the national team was given three days off before having to report back to camp. Alexia had told you that she had designed your tattoo with the help of Mapi and she had booked an appointment for you at the studio where her and the rest of the girls go for their tattoos. You had also made a call to your hair stylist and asked them if they could squeeze Alexia in the morning before you would get your tattoo in the afternoon.

“And this woman knows what she’s doing” on the outside Alexia was cool as a cucumber but as you walk down the streets of Barcelona she is holding onto your hand for dear life.

“She has been doing my hair for years Alexia. You are in safe hands”

You walked into the salon and greeted everyone as if they were family. Alexia stayed close behind you as you guide her to the chair in the fair back corner. 

“So what are we doing doing?” Your hair stylist ran her fingers through Alexia’s hair as your girlfriend looked at you through the mirror.

“Pink but a light pink”

“What! No! If I’m doing this then I’m doing it. I want it like Y/N’s after her first appointment post COVID”

“Ale, that was really pink” 

“I know, I loved it” 

The hair stylist did as she was told and a couple of hours later Alexia was walking out the salon almost unrecognisable.

Now it was your turn and you felt sick as you walked in the studio which was tucked down one of the side street in Sants.

“Does it hurt? It’s got to hurt, there is a needle piercing your skin at 100 miles an hour and it’s injecting ink. Oh God! Why did I even agree to do this, I can’t do this”

“Y/N take a breath” Alexia’s hands rested on your shoulders. She took a deep breath in, one which you copied almost immediately “I think you will really like my design and if you don’t then we will tell the team that I made you get it on your bum which they will believe because—“

“You are obsessed with my bum” you finished your girlfriend’s sentence.

“I am so they will believe me but please take a look at the design”

“Ok”

The artist, who you had learnt was also the owner, sat you down on the sofa as she showed you the design and at different sizes. You had no control over the smile on your face as you saw what Alexia had come up with.

“It’s like yours” 

“It is. I thought why not kill two birds with one stone. The tattoo would commemorate the final and it would be a matching one to mine”

The tattoo was perfect. It was an outline of a basic flower within a square. The pattern was seen all around Barcelona as it was a tile that covered the pavement. Alexia has the same one on her back with ‘made in’ above it. Yours wouldn’t have the text and instead of the ink being black it would be blue and red, Blaugrana the colours of FC Barcelona.

Once laid on the bench Alexia offered to hold your hand in case the pain is too much.

“Is it really going to hurt that much?” You ask the tattoo artist who reassured you that the pain would be nothing compared to some of the tackles you have been on the receiving end of over the years.

“Ale!” You smack her with your free hand.

“Sorry. It’s just that i’m used to seeing you as this tough cookie”

“I’m never a tough cookie around you, you make me soft” 

Alexia kisses you softly, the two of you forgetting your surroundings until the artist clears her throat.

“Soft cookie or tough cookie, I do need to to sit still or this won’t end well”

“Don’t say that” Don’t tell her that” you and Alexia say at the same time.

When the two of your arrived back to Los Rojas two days later the entire team was in shock and fascinated to see Alexia’s pink hair but only the barcelona players knew about your side of the bet. You removed your hoodie to show them the tattoo which you had decided to get on your arm, just about your elbow. 

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Cruel Summer Ch. 5

Donations | Thoughts & Feelings | Cruel Summer Series | Chapter 4

(Thank you all so much for being patient as I worked through personal issues!! I'm trying to write and get new chapters out for you guys. I'm still dealing with personal issues but for now, I'll push through, thank you all so much for always sending kind supportive messages. Love you guys! Enjoy!

P.S. you can find clues about future chapters if you read through the tags ;) )

-Chapter 5-

You stared at him before giggling, “Funny Chris, you know….. about us…now that we’re…ya know…gonna be public and all that.” you smiled as he chuckled. “Baby…you know we could never be public…I can't ditch the perfect, good girl next door, to go out with an old co star…besides, we’d never work out publicly, we're better this way. Private, just you and me, locked away in a bedroom somewhere.” he leaned in to kiss you again, but you pulled back feeling bile rise in your throat. “You never planned on leaving her for me…did you?” you asked, staring at the bed. “Babygirl,” he walked around the bed to sit by you on your side of the bed. 

He pulled your chin up kissing your lips before you pulled back, he only had a moment to see your eyes before you slapped him as hard as you could. “Get out. Get the fuck out!” you glared at him before you moved quickly off the other side of the bed. “Sweethear-” “FUCK YOU!” you screamed. “GET OUT!!” you grabbed his clothes throwing them at him, he ducked as his shoes flew at his head. 

The door busted open, your security guards and Megan stood there. “Oh Y/N…” She said softly as Chris stood up after sliding his jeans on. “Y/N! Baby come on! Knock it off, let's talk about this!” he snapped back at you. You raced off into the bathroom, locking the door as the tears fell. You started the shower, a sob leaving your lips as you slid down to the floor crying. 

A few weeks later

“And in other news mega worldwide Popstar Y/N, has deleted all posts from her social media. Sources say, She’s “Blacking out any and all communication on tour, and while she loves sharing her life with her fans, touring has taken a toll on her, she’ll return eventually, but for now. She’s got to focus on herself.” wow, so no more thank you posts to all her concert goers? That’s gonna feel like a slap to the face.” the news reporter stated as her co-star started in on you and your reputation. You sat by the window staring out over the city, thankful that no one could see you all the way up here. “Turn it off.” you grumbled out, “You know it's interesting, one former Avenger star announces his wedding date with pictures of his fiance’ the same time another former Avenger star blacks out her social media? I smell drama!” he chuckled as she gasped. 

“I don’t need to hear how Lacey and Simon think I’m some big fuck up for not wanting to be on social media right now.” you said getting up and grabbing your phone. “I’m going down to the gym, maybe running will clear my head.” you said matter of factly before grabbing your headphones. “Maybe you shouldn’t go alone?” Megan asked as she stood up. Your phone had been blowing up from friends and family checking in on you, wondering why you’d gone radio silent. 

You felt your phone go off as you exited your room and felt the corners of your mouth turn up for the first time in what felt like forever. 

Hemsworthy: ‘This place is super boring without you here.’ 

Y/N: ‘Tell me about it. I wish you were here. Life fucking sucks right now.’ 

Hemsworthy: ‘Heard you went black out on socials….you doin okay? 

Y/N: ‘Yep…got a lot going on & I don’t want to see anything online…just, want to focus back on friends and myself for a while…’ 

You sighed as you sent the message, heading into the gym where you began to walk on the treadmill. You thought back over all your time with Chris lately, before he left for South America. The movie nights eating ice cream, playing new songs for him, talking him through his depression when it came to the divorce. You felt tears in your eyes, how could you have been so fucking stupid. 

Were you this desperate to fall in love and be with someone? You’d mistook your friendship with Chris, the things that friends did, as romantic interest and felt yourself developing feelings for him. He was just recently divorced…why would he even think about dating anyone; you needed serious help. 

Hemsworthy: ‘You know if you keep running on the treadmill, you’re gonna burn holes in those tennis shoes missy. :P’ 

You glanced at the message before you did a double take; you didn’t remember telling him you were going to work out to clear your head. “If I have to stand back here any longer I’m gonna go insane.” his thick Australian accent startled you, causing you to whip around as you pulled your headphones off. “Oh my god!” you dashed over to him jumping into his arms as he laughed and hugged you tight. “I missed you popstar,” he mumbled in your ear as you buried your face into his hoodie, breathing in his scent. “I missed you too,” you whispered against his shoulder. 

You jumped down smiling up at him, “Let’s go order some room service and catch up,” he chuckled and cleared his throat, “Uh…I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner tonight, with me?” he smiled softly. “Somewhere nice?” he asked as you grinned and nodded, “yeah! That sounds fun!” you said as you both walked to the Elevators. “I have this super cute outfit I’ve been wanting to wear anyways!” you grinned as he chuckled. “I’m sure you’re going to look as beautiful as you always do,” Chris smiled at you, his eyes twinkled softly as you talked about your upcoming show, which was a couple of nights away and Chris was thrilled he was going to attend it. 

When he was touring with you, he would stay back at the hotel, usually cooking a meal for the two of you and picking out a couple of movies for you guys to watch and relax after your shows. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go to your shows, it was just easier to avoid the press. After the divorce, anytime they had the opportunity to print something about him or his ex wife, they jumped on it.  

Once you guys made it back up to the hotel suite, you got ready for the evening, excited to have a nice dinner with someone who didn’t give a shit how famous you were, or what was happening in your life. You looked in the mirror and smiled at the black sequinned dress, which looked like a night sky, with clouds and a half moon on it. You wore strappy black heels and a fur jacket; and paired it with a silver flashy purse with a diamond studded necklace. 

Chris grinned as he saw you come from your bedroom, “Whoa…you look…..incredible,” he held his hand out spinning you around as you giggled softly, “Thank you. My friend Kayleigh had this made for me, and I hadn't found the right occasion to wear it yet, but thought tonight was perfect.” you smiled as he smiled tenderly at you. “Well it’s perfect, come, I’ve made reservations for us.” he chuckled as you giggled excitedly. “Yay! It’s going to be so nice just…going to dinner and relaxing,” you said as you both headed to the car. 

Pulling up to your favorite restaurant you sighed softly, the paparazzi were covering the street and you looked at Chris. “I’m sorry…I know you want to avoid them, I can go first…maybe see if they have a back entrance you can come through?” you said as he reached over and grabbed your hand, smiling softly. “I think I can manage a few photos with a beautiful girl before we go to dinner.” 

The way he smiled at you, something felt different, you were starting to convince yourself that it was all in your head, but a small part of you wanted him to be into you. You knew you were developing feelings for him. “Y/N! Over here! Over here!” several voices shouted at you as you climbed out of the SUV and made your way around to the sidewalk. You smiled, waved at them, clearly not showing annoyance that you held toward them sometimes and even asked a few of them how they were doing this evening. 

You stopped and posed for a couple of photos, when the other door opened and Chris got out smiling and waving at them for a moment before he put his hand on the small of your back as he walked with you to the door. The camera clicks intensified as he placed his hand on your back and you could hear them shouting more questions as you walked in together.

Tag List:

@notebooks-of-nonsense @fdl305 @bval-1 @calimoi @syntheticavenger @mrsjenniferwinchester @chaneajoyyy @mommad @ellen-reincarnated1967 @adriellej @coffeebooksandfandom @patzammit @posiemax @auriel187 @ladybug05 @stoneyggirl2 @fallenoutofrose @mrspeacem1nusone @teamfreewill-imagine @inlovewith3 @auvisanspeur @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @leaveitbythewave @sleutherclaw @sandlee44 @aaqua-tofana @nohumanswereharmed @msgrandma49 @traceyaudette @cevansbaby-dove

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Pleasure Is My Business: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Summary: You’re brought back to your high school days with this case. You put that behind you when you graduated, but life has a funny way of bringing you closer to the person who made your life miserable back then.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

"The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture." - Camille Paglia

Before you leave for work, you grab the coffee you premade as soon as you wake up. The coffee is right next to your high school reunion invitation. The opened card stares at you whenever you pass by it, begging you to acknowledge it. High school was one of the worst years of your life because not only did kids bully you, but you felt their own pain as your own.

It wasn't fun.

This reunion is in a few days but you're still in Quantico. Looks like you won't get to go, and honestly, you're kind of relieved. Spencer wants you to go and prove to everyone you're this hotshot FBI agent (which you are), but you don't feel like proving to a bunch of people who never gave a fuck about you in the first place.

"Are you gonna go?" Spencer says from behind you.

"We'll, seeing how it's in a few days and we're not in Dallas, I don't think so. It's so stupid because instead of a night, they made it a whole weekend getaway. As if I want to spend more time with them than I have to."

"Maybe you can go to the other one."

All you can do is shrug. You really don't want to get into this right now, plus, you have to get ready for a case Hothc pulled together. Hotch got called to Dallas early in the morning to do a briefing on a case sent by Patrick Jackson, the attorney general.

Hoyt Ashford, a hedge fund manager for a major bank, has turned up dead in a hotel room. Hoyt didn't do too well in the public eye after going on talk shows and talking about how the real estate crisis wasn't a real thing. He posted an apology video about the issue, but once word got out that he died, his lawyers classified it as a suicide.

If you know any better, then that's not true.

According to Hotch, there was Viagra near Hoyt's body. Considering that his wife was at home with the kids, it's safe to assume the prostitute he was with killed him. Something that's confidential and not to be mentioned in any reports is that Hoyt took $10,000 out of a fund in cash. No one saw the prostitute he was with, which isn't surprising since they know how to be discreet. According to Patrick, this is the second murder in Dallas.

You might be able to attend your reunion after all.

"Female serial killers are a fascinating field," Spencer says once everyone is in the air. "We don't have much information on them, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window. Take the signature, for instance. They don't torture or take trophies because there is no sexual gratification when a woman kills. Murder is the goal. They don't have to do anything extra."

"So, basically, women are more efficient at killing," you half-joke.

"Historically, they have had body counts in the hundreds."

"Assuming that the job is the stressor, what are some of the reasons prostitutes kill their customers?" Hotch asks over the phone.

"Money, drugs, and PTSD. At some point, every call girl, no matter how well paid, gets coerced into an activity she didn't consent to. Aileen Wuornos used to purposefully stage paid sexual encounters as an excuse to murder men she thought would rape her," you explain.

"Wuornos was psychotic and disorganized. I think this girl is poisoning them before she has sex with them."

"She's using Tetramethylenedisulfotetramine. It's a popular rat poison in China which can be easily soluble in alcohol," Spencer explains after reading the files Hotch sent over.

"Poison is the perfect MO. It's quiet, quick, and the victims never see it coming because they think they're getting lucky." Hotch makes an uncertain noise. "Does that mean something to you?"

"These men are paying $10,000 a night for discretion as well as sex. She has a history with them. She didn't decide to kill them at the moment. She walks in with the intent to kill them, and she's doing it before she sleeps with them. She's not just organized, she's also methodical. She decides early which one of her clients is worth killing," Hotch says.

"Maybe the victims all share the same fetish. Both victims were in their fifties, highly visible, and careful of their image. If they were kinky in the same way, they'd go to great lengths to hide it."

"We're facing a corporate culture that'll do everything it can to keep us out."

"Actually, I had some luck there. Hoyt's wife isn't too happy with how he died. She agreed to talk to us but because every silver lining has a dark cloud, the hedge fund released a statement." JJ pulls out her phone to read the statement that was sent to her. "Ashford died peacefully in his home, according to lawyer David Madison.' They're already trying to close ranks."

"Does that language sound familiar to anyone else?" Spencer asks.

"What do you mean?"

"It's the same thing as the murder of the first victim. 'According to the company lawyer, Stanton died peacefully in his home'."

"Y/N and Morgan, start with the wife and see if you can get her to open up. JJ, call the lawyers and tell them I want to meet with both of them."

"You want to play them off each other?"

"I think one of them wrote both press releases. Let's see which one calls us back."

Once you land, you and Derek head over to the Ashford home where Yvonne Ashford is eagerly waiting for you.

"Mrs. Ashford, we're very sorry about your husband," you say.

"I've been getting nothing but condolences all day. I feel like a hypocrite for accepting them, knowing how he died."

"We think your husband might have been targeted because of something sexual he did with this call girl. I know this is hard, but is there anything you can tell us about what he liked?"

"In bed? I can sum it up in one word. Younger."

"How much younger?"

"Twenty-five. That was when I first met him."

"So, your age difference was part of the attraction?"

"Are you kidding? It was the whole relationship."

"Mrs. Ashford, no offense, but your husband spent a lot of money on this woman. Was there anything else at all that he liked from a younger woman besides the ego boost?" Derek asks.

"There's a certain kind of man, Agent, for whom the only kind of sex that matters is the ego boost. In a marriage like ours, you have to work at it or in my husband's case, pay for it."

Your phone rings and you step off to the side when you see Hotch is calling.

"Yeah, Hotch?"

"We got a meeting with a madame that sets meetings up like the one Ashford was in. Spencer is heading over to meet with her. I want you to go with him."

"Sure." You hang up and walk over to Derek. "I got to go. See what else you can find out about Hoyt."

"Yeah."

The madame, Lauren, is hosting an open house where she is able to meet clients discreetly. It's actually pretty smart since people might think they're there for the open house instead of something else entirely.

"This is actually pretty smart," you say when you meet up with Spencer. "Properties like this are safe and an inspection-free investment for large sums of cash."

An older woman walks out of the house with a big smile on her face.

"Well, hello, you two!"

"Are you the--"

"Isn't this neighborhood just fabulous? You're gonna love this house," she cuts your boyfriend off. She escorts you two inside the house for more privacy. "You two need lessons in faking it. I teach a class."

"So, you arrange dates for escorts?" you ask.

"All I arrange are meetings. What happens between two consenting adults when that meeting is over is something I'm not liable for. Now, who wants a scone?" she offers from a platter.

"Listen, we're looking for someone who is a high-end prostitute who takes fees up to ten thousand dollars. She has the intent of killing her clients before having sex with them."

"Oh, yes. We all know about this woman. She's terrible for business."

"I guess there's only so many men that can afford the service you provide, right?"

"Yes, but with the way she's behaving, she's only hurting herself. An escort's client list is the most important investment she has. It's her daily income and her retirement package when she sells the list."

"She's not working with a service then. No madam would allow an escort to kill off the clientele."

"What about the type of work your employees do?" Spencer asks nervously. "We're sort of operating under the assumption that this escort is killing men who make her perform a specific sexual act."

"What did you have in mind, sweetie?" she smirks.

"I... I don't even... I don't know."

"Don't mind him," you giggle. "It's his first time."

"If I may, I think you're looking at this all wrong. Start with this question: why would a man pay a woman five figures?"

"It's not just for sex, is it?"

"Of course, you've got to be good in bed to be successful, but that's the easy part. What men want more than the no strings attached sex is a therapist. Someone who will absorb the worst parts of their personalities."

"They're looking for someone to tell their fears and insecurities to. Everything they can't take home to their wife."

"That's what I groom my girls to do--how to talk to these men and how to listen. Don't get me wrong, deviancy comes with the territory. I can't tell you how many men need to be submissive as an outlet from their extremely stressful jobs. I can tell you that if the sex was the reason she was killing these men, she would have broken long before she charged $10,000."

"It isn't how these men act in bed, it's how they act out of it," Spencer says.

This unsub isn't killing at a specific time because it's whenever her client wants to meet with her. While you've been talking to Lauren, another murder has taken place. You and Spencer leave the open house and immediately head over to an office firm.

Joseph Fielding is found dead inside the elevator, tied to an office chair with X's marked in lipstick on his eyes, and clear tape wrapped around all over his mouth.

"The victim is Joseph Fielding. He was the CFO here," Rossi says when you two get there.

"Was he poisoned?"

"Yes, and staged. She killed him in his office and then rolled him out here to be found."

You walk over to the victim but pause when you see the energy left behind by the unsub. It's blue because the unsub is a female, but you recognize this energy. There are eight billion people in this world with eight billion different base energies. Every single person you've met has their own energy signatures, and you're familiar with this one. Not only have you seen this energy before, you know the person attached to it.

You've met and gotten to know this person before.

"I know this unsub," you say.

"You do?" Hotch asks.

"Yeah, but I can't put a name to it yet. I've definitely seen it sometime in my life."

Hotch gives you time to put a name to the unsub, but for right now, he focuses on what he can see physically.

"The lipstick is new."

"It was done postmortem. Reid said female serial killers don't leave a signature. I think she did that just for us. She's already exposed him at his most vulnerable. Now she wants to be noticed."

There is commotion by the barrier formed by local police by a man trying to get through, which he does eventually.

"Which one of you is Aaron Hotchner?"

"Me."

"I'm Larry Bartlett. I represent Mr. Fielding in Webster Industries."

"This is a closed crime scene, Mr. Bartlett."

"I know. I spoke to Ellen Daniels, and she said you're a very reasonable man."

"Escort him out, please," Hotch says to one of the officers.

"No, wait. Please." The officer tries to grab him, but he doesn't leave right away. "The press is outside and they can smell blood. Is there any way we can handle this discreetly?"

"We're not about to lie for you," Derek says.

"You don't have to lie. Just don't comment."

"Excuse us."

Hotch takes the team off to the side to talk about the benefits of not commenting on the murder. "Is there any reason to go public yet?"

"Validating her is exactly what she wants. If we hold back, she's more likely to make a mistake," you say quietly.

"He doesn't need to know that. We need everything you have on Fielding like bank accounts, tax records, and emails."

"Everything?" Larry asks in uncertainty.

"Everything."

"I'll gather everything and send it in the morning."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[raisingcain7433]

Incorrect Quotes

Harry: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Valkyrie, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Valkyrie: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting. That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

Harry: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! Valkyrie: Harry- Valkyrie: It- it was just an ant-

Valkyrie: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy. Valkyrie: And my heart has been severely damaged, so Militsa, if you’re out there—

Harry: I wanna be a knight! Valkyrie, a knight: What the fuck do you want this shit for? I kill people, all right? Their blood is on my hands! Every night, when I go to sleep, I see their FUCKING faces staring at me! Their families weep, and I FEEL NOTHING! I’M DEAD INSIDE! Harry: Man, I want some of that in my life!

Valkyrie: Do you want some tea? Fletcher: What are the options? Valkyrie: Yes or no.

Harry: Do you feel any better? Valkyrie: I feel much better now that you here with me. Fletcher walks in Valkyrie: I feel half better.

Fletcher: I’m so excited! Valkyrie: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy… Fletcher: And have the biggest stomach aches ever! Valkyrie: Yeah!

Fletcher: What do you three have to say for yourself? Nefarian: Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Oops?

Valkyrie: What’s wrong? Harry: I have to write a whole paragraph for school. Valkyrie: That’s not so bad; I write entire books. Harry: Yeah, but this has to be good.

Nefarian: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.

Skulduggery: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation? Fletcher: All the time. Skulduggery: Then you should be used to it by now.

Harry: Last night I found out Valkyrie is a sleep talker. Skulduggery: Oh, really? Harry: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Nefarian: cooking Fletcher: kicks down door Fletcher: grabs knife from Nefarian's hand Fletcher: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR? Nefarian: Nefarian: What. Harry: He's trying to tell you he wants to cook.

Nefarian: Wow, left handed AND British? You really are an illusion.

Fletcher: How do Valkyrie and Harry usually get out of these messes? Skulduggery: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Nefarian: Help! I’m drowning! Valkyrie: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water! Nefarian: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Skulduggery: Come on, you need to go to bed. Harry Snuffles says that I can stay up as long as I want. And that you need to die! Skulduggery: … Skulduggery: What the hell, Sirius—

Skulduggery: So what’s the plan? Harry: I don’t know. You’re smart, points at Valkyrie they’re mean, come up with something.

Skulduggery: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Harry: So anyways have y'all seen Skulduggery? Valkyrie: I think they went in Nefarian's room 'studying'. Fletcher: Doubt that. I heard groans there. Meanwhile in Nefarian's room Skulduggery & Nefarian, fighting:

Harry, looking at a selfie of Valkyrie’s: I hate this photo. Valkyrie: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. Harry: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Valkyrie: Up to kindness.

Nefarian: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Valkyrie: Stands in trash can. Skulduggery: Valkyrie, not again! You're not trash, you're at least recycling!

Valkyrie: Nefarian always accuses me of having a favourite but that’s not true. Valkyrie: I love Harry and all the not-Harrys equally.

Skulduggery, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Fletcher: Nefarian, you need to react when people cry! Nefarian: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Nefarian, shooing Skulduggery away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

Nefarian: It smells like henway in here. Skulduggery: Harry: Skulduggery. Harry, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here? Skulduggery: sigh Skulduggery: What's a henway? Nefarian: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

Valkyrie: I think I need a hug… Fletcher: Good thing I'm hug shaped! 45 minutes later Valkyrie: You… you can let go now. Fletcher: No, I absolutely cannot.

Valkyrie: Fletcher won’t wake up, what do I do? Nefarian: Did you try kicking him? Valkyrie: Yes. Nefarian: I’m out of ideas.

[kujo1597]

I’ve been watching my friend liveblog her rewatch of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (great show) and it looked really fun to do. And she’s also doing this to get into writing SPOP fanfics and as some of you may remember, I have a Jem fanfic called Unbreakable that I really do need to finish. So I figured I would blog my rewatch of Jem. I wanted to watch the show again to get my creative juices flowing and figured why not.

Because I know the show backwards and forwards due to watching it five or six times my posts will probably largely focus on the characters and traits they have that I incorporate into the writing. I’ll talk about Jerrica’s relationship with Rio and why it’s so dysfunctional and concerning.

I’m also going to be a fucking weirdo and keep track of the crying because a character trait of Kimber’s I find really interesting is how private she is with her tears compared to the others. But this will be kept in a folder of its own and I won’t dwell on it.

I won't be putting all of these into the fandom tag because I worry that I'll be deemed "too active" by Tumblr and my posts will stop showing up in the tag. So I guess if you're interested in keeping up with these keep track of the "Kujo Watches Jem" tag.

Man I love this show’s first intro song and the animation. It’s largely rotoscoped and looks really nice.

The show starts off with a look at Jem and The Holograms at a premiere and it’s a cool way of introducing the characters. They make it very clear who’s who.

Aja

Shana

I love how they just fukkin’ throw Kimber out of the car. This is a good time to mention that the animation in the first five episodes is pretty janky. They’re stitched together seven minutes shorts that were part of the Super Sunday block on whichever channel this aired on. So we’re kind of watching a proof of concept right now.

And of course they show Jem as this cool and mysterious woman as she shrugs off her sheer veil in front of a cheering crowd. Reporters ask Jem a bunch of questions.

Then we hear our protagonist, Jerrica, start narrating.

She tells us that her story begins after her father's unexpected death. And they establish later in the show that this funeral is on or around Jerrica's birthday. Which is really awful. I feel bad for her.

I remember Eric being kind of creepy at the funeral but always forget just how creepy he is. Especially because I’m fairly confident that at this point in production Jerrica is meant to be an older teen. Like, 17 or 18. I don’t blame Rio for dragging her off.

But oh man, let’s just add this to the “Jerrica apologizes for Rio count.” It’s a recurring thing.

Now we cut to a shot of Starlight House and the characters working to fix it up. This also has cool details like a design table, Shana is into fashion design as we’ll learn later.

Uh, I need to point out this bird cage. You’ll see why later. But I need to point it out.

I wonder how long Ashley’s been living here for. Because she comments on the house being a dump as if she’s just moved in. Also she broke that chair. She tried to flop onto it but it broke.

Now we meet Mrs. Bailey who helps take care of the kids. Nice lady. She informs Jerrica that her dad, Emmett, would get money to fund the Starlight House’s upkeep from his music company. So Jerrica goes over to the office. She sees a new receptionist, walks past her and enters her dad's old office.

Eric continues to call Jerrica “darling” and talks about how he’s hired a new band called The Misfits. And they ride in on these extremely toyetic motorcycles. I don’t think they ever did get released though. But man, this screams “toy commercial show.” Jem is way more than just that though.

We get the first song of the series and it’s great. Fun imagery. And it’s funny seeing them play their instruments because Stormer is playing this weird boomerang guitar. I seriously do wonder when they finalized what instruments the characters play. Aja was messing around with drumsticks earlier in the episode and spoiler alert, she’s not a drummer, like, at all.

Jerrica calls The Misfits trash and insults Pizzazz. Then they talk about Eric holding a rigged battle of the bands competition. Which obviously Jerrica doesn’t approve of.

We then cut to Jerrica in her bedroom on a stormy night. Jerrica’s mad about Eric ruining the good image of her dad’s company. Then Kimber points out the jewellery box addressed to Jerrica. It contains earrings, very familiar earrings. Everybody wonders who they came from. Aja figures it was Rio.

Then thunder and lighting, and a mysterious woman who looks like she walked out of an exercise tape addresses Jerrica in a slightly ghostly voice.

And then Jerrica very rudely puts her hands in this woman’s belly. Jerrica! Personal space!

Understandably the mysterious woman leaves. In a flash of light.

Everybody follows the directions left in the earring box and meet up with the woman in Starlight Drive-In. She walks through a wall and they follow her in their van, the Starlight Express.

A quick aside, I was talking to my friend who’s only seen two or three episodes of Jem because of me kind of going, “Well, these episodes are very silly. I think it’d be fun to watch them with you.” Anyway, I was talking about the show and because of the fact that everything has the word Starlight in the name he asked if Starlight was Jerrica’s last name. And yeah, I get why he would think that.

Anyway, the woman introduces herself as Synergy and explains that she’s a highly advanced entertainment system made by Emmett Benton. We get shots where the characters split off and look at their interests, Shana at clothes, Kimber at the musical instruments, and Aja at the car, the Rockin' Roadster.

Seeing Synergy’s ability to make realistic holograms along with all the instruments gave Jerrica an idea.

Oh neat, we’re seeing a performance by a band that sounds… not great. I guess the rigging is going well.

And then we hear some more music, this time a song building up.

And that song the first one performed by Jem in the series. It’s a very solid one! A good note to start the band on.

Obviously everybody loved this band, they sound great! Eric gets all worked up and demands to know what they’re doing here because the contest is invite only. Jem points to Jerrica and announces that she was sent there by Jerrica.

And then Jem totally inconspicuously runs off of the stage and behind a tree. Then turns into Jerrica. She meets up with Eric on the stage and they’re caught arguing on the mics. I actually forgot that Eric was the one who put control of Starlight Music up as a stake in a new competition. One just between The Misfits and Jem and The Holograms.

A film producer named Howard Sands happened to be in the crowd and he promises a movie, and a mansion to the winner of the new battle of the bands competition. Six months from now.

Jerrica accepts the challenge having full confidence in herself and her sisters.

The Misfits are rowdy trouble makers so they steal Jem’s equipment and drives off with it in their van. The rival band gives chase because that’s their stuff and they need it. Musical equipment is not cheap. We get this thrilling chase where Roxy and Stormer throws things at the car Aja’s driving to try to get them to crash I guess. And uh

That’s a cliff. They’re heading right off a cliff. And Aja hit the gas judging by the sound effect.

Good work.

You can kind of tell this was the end of the short, especially when they come back from commercial and replay the chase scene.

Jerrica’s not dumb. She sends a hologram of Jem out to get help. The hologram meets up with Rio and tells him where the car is. Rio saves them.

The paper reports on this and gives Jem and The Holograms a bunch of publicity.

The Misfits don’t see much of a problem with this because they can still win the competition and of course

winning is everything.

I just, look at this GIF.

Okay I needed you to see that. The music video is a wonderful flavour of silly.

Now back to Starlight House. We see the girls putting money into the Honor Jar. It's a communal fund that the girls contribute to in order to afford things for Starlight House. They’re trying to buy a new fridge. Before adding the funds to the jar they have to announce how they made the money.

Ashley questions the jar which really adds to the feeling that she’s new here.

Also, it’s weird hearing Deirdre being voiced by Samantha Newark. She’s voiced by Patricia Alice Albrecht in her later appearances. The same VA as Pizzazz, Samantha Newark is Jerrica’s by the way.

Meanwhile Eric phones a thug and tells him to make Jerrica uncomfortable.

I need to know where this place is located. It’s in the middle of a forest or something. And I swear that’s a river behind it. Is that safe when you have twelve kids? The youngest is eight so maybe we don't have too much to worry about.

Anyway, Ashley steals money from the Honor Jar and Jerrica catches her. And then says something that never sat super right with me.

“There’s no room in Starlight House for girls who steal and lie.”

Like, hm, I dunno, I can’t articulate exactly why it bothers me. I feel like it would kind of breed dishonesty. Like how controlling parents often end up with kids who are really good at sneaking around them.

But Jerrica is a teen herself and taking care of twelve kids so I can’t be too hard on her. Especially because her dad did recently die so there is going to be some adjusting to the new role as foster mother.

Jerrica tells Ashley that the other girls are going to decide on her punishment because they’re the ones running the Honor Jar. The punishment is to raise $30 which is ten times the amount Ba Nee raised by the way.

I get a kick out of Samantha Newark trying to sound like a tough girl, possibly from Jersey. What do I know? I’m Canadian. Now I’m kind of wishing they kept her as Deirdre’s voice actor. We do get more "tough girl Newark" later in the series though. In an excellent episode.

Later on during the night Rio’s explaining that the power’s still out and offers to stay over. But Jerrica turns him down. They lean in for a kiss.

And hear a bunch of giggling which is cute.

Jerrica turns to them and says, “Jealous?” before kissing Rio.

I like this dynamic between Jerrica and her girls.

Later that night the thug Eric talked to, Zipper, awkwardly breaks into the house. It takes him a couple tries to break the window. Still better than what I could do.

One of the Starlight Girls, Marianne, never named in the show, alerts Jerrica to there being a noise coming from downstairs. So Jerrica takes her sisters with her to check out the noise while the kids stay upstairs and safe.

Because there’s no power and it’s the middle of the night Kimber’s holding a lantern with the biggest damn flame I have ever seen.

Zipper having been caught pushes past Kimber and knocks the lantern out of her hands. And sets the house on fire.

Like, crazily on fire.

And this is where the episode ends.

I would love to do more but this took even longer than I expected and I haven’t been getting enough sleep so I’m quite tired and dizzy. So bedtime for me. I’ll pick this up later, possibly tomorrow.

[im-out-of-it]

season 1, episode 5 discussion post

1. “Emotions are nothing but a distraction, you’re ruled by them. we’re taught to control them:” -Alec. in his own way, he’s got a point. he wasn’t able to complete the ritual or whatever so clary could get her memories. he may not be doing the best but his point is, he’s trying to control them so they don’t rule his entire being. but parabatai’s can’t fall in love (due to CC and her weird ass writing) (and the incest shit she loves) (and this is another reason why I hate Alec + jace pairing or whatever you want to call it)

2. Alec is in charge of the institute so if that means taking the portal necklace so Valentine can’t try to get in the institute, then that’s his responsibility. “If I were Valentine, I’d make you think that you could rescue Jocelyn. And then I’d lure clary to me and leverage her life for the cup.” this is actually funny because it’s almost what jace and clary do. they go and rescue Jocelyn and almost give Valentine the cup lmao

3. god these two are so fucking exhausting

4. “Valentine is a real threat. He can’t be handled by three and a half shadowhunters” HE CALLED YOUR ASS OUT 😭💀 I love that Alec doesn’t even think she’s a full ass shadowhunter because same

5. “I’ll take that risk on my own.”- clary “the problem is you’re not on your own. you’re part of us now.” thank you Izzy for telling this self involved half shadowhunter dumbass that other people are involved. literally clary is running around this place acting like she’s in charge and throwing out orders. GIRL THERE ARE MULTIPLE COMMUNITIES AND SPECIES INVOLVED BUT I GUESS CLARY KNOWS BEST?

6. and this is something that always bothers me about clary. she thinks the cup only affects her. she thinks she can go on these million errands and barely plan stuff and say a little sorry and be fine. I don’t think she genuinely cares that it’s not just about her.

7. “she sounds more like a friend than a mom.” right you are Izzy. and it’s probably why we are here because Jocelyn didn’t parent clary. I get Jocelyn wanted to keep clary safe but she should have found a way to do that while also informing clary of dangers. it reminds me of Benedict and Tatiana Lightwood. he never trained her and taught her anything but to cry and scream revenge when she didn’t get her way. even if you don’t want her to be a shadowhunter, that’s her choice to make but at least prepare her

8. I do like these two being besties. I wouldn’t want to be clary’s bestie (I mean who would? I’d die by irritation) but I like this change. in the books Izzy is mean to clary (rightfully so) but clary is also rude to Izzy in the books. she doesn’t like Izzy mostly because she’s pretty, and clary makes a point to say this about Maia. I think it’s something “curvy and pretty? oh I hate her” it’s something above those lines. Clary is so fucking misogynistic in the books. she has internal thoughts about how guys are gross and misogynistic but she’s doing the exact same thing. that’s why I do like they changed this in the show

9. I love Izzy. she’s such a girls girl

10. “you look just like your mother.”- Maryse. ok so why is everyone saying clary and Jocelyn look exactly alike? THEY DONT

11. I hated finding these gifs BUT THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE. even in the books, clary first starts out saying that she never saw the resemblance and how her mom is prettier and then basically goes the next couple books saying how she looks just like her. y’all aren’t the twins you think you are. Jocelyn even says how it’s the hair. clary’s hair here is orange and Jocelyn’s is more of a dark reddish brown (I think??????) I’m sorry but they look nothing alike lmao

12. Maryse comes off as a rude bitch but I can see why she’s upset. this child has been running errands, not informing the clave, and just doing whatever the fuck she wants. everything that is getting reported from the New York institute is in the hands of the lightwoods. you also have to look at it from the clave’s perspective. THEY HAVE VALENTINES DAUGHTER RUNNING AROUND

13. isn’t it kinda funny that Maryse is watching jace in admiration and next season she’s going to be helping in his arrest 💀 awkward 😬

14. “shadowhunters aren’t big huggers” Izzy says as Maryse hugs jace right in front of her 😭 barely even hugs Alec but at least he gets a kiss on the cheek. SOMEONE GIVE IZZY SOME LOVE

15. side note- I feel this for Izzy. my parents always preferred my brother over me and parents doing this in front of you hurts. poor Izzy season one

16. “I have seelie friends.”-Izzy “I know all about your friends” Maryse. girl did you just insinuate your daughter is a slut?

17. SHE IS JUST COMFORTABLE WITH HER BODY AND THATS OKAY!!!!!!!!! I really hate how a lot of people were branding Izzy a slut because of how she was dressing. CC during this time tweeted hateful shit about Em. I can’t remember the wording but it was something about how Isabelle doesn’t dress that way (which she did) and then she changed Izzy later in TDA wearing longer outfits and stuff. why does it matter how she dresses? why does it matter if she likes to fuck? men get away with it and can fuck whoever and it’s not a big deal but if a women does it, shame on her. she’s only seen so far with meliorn so why are they making her out to be some whore? who cares if she has many friends? Jace does the same but no one ever talks bad about it

18. side note- Izzy is fucking beautiful and she can wear whatever she pleases. I love her outfits and I love a woman who is comfortable with her body 👏🏼

19. “we stay separate from the downworlders for good reason. the wrong move, the wrong word. do you think there’s such thing as harmless rebellion. who knows what offends these creatures?” girl wait until you find out your son is about to date the most infamous (just saying) high warlock of Brooklyn lmao Maryse is part of the problem because she’s treating them as some enemy she can’t have civil discussions with. she treats them as almost less than and one of the reasons why valentines rebellions worked I’m assuming. I want to know what happened after Thomas and Alastair’s time of lightwoods to roberts time as lightwoods. what happened to y’all? there’s so much hate.

20. “Alec. I want you with the Fairchild girl. she’s caused enough trouble and I want her under control.” indeed she has but why must we punish Alec? 😭 boy has been through enough

21. Clary’s excuse is because she just found out about being a shadowhunter. I will give her points because this is true but she is 18 years of age. she knows right from wrong. she’s gone to school in the mundane world so she understands the world of order. one of my problems with clary is that she acts like she’s some 12 year old when she’s legally an adult. you know that every government has rules. we all get she misses her mother but when she risks the safety of everyone and is careless and self conceited, it’s hard to have sympathy for her

22. “the clave counts on us lightwoods to retain order.” GOOOOOOOO MARYSE TELL THAT CHILD BASIC COMMON SENSE

23. “What did you do to piss off your mom?”-clary “I’d guess for a start, all the unsactioned missions on your behalf didn’t go over that big with the clave.”-alec. LITERALLY SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD GO RUNNING AROUND AND THERE WOULDNT BE CONSEQUENCES SMH

24. same Alec, same. that’s how I feel when she talks

25. “I love you alec, we’re parabatai�� jace, you just hurt Alec 🙃 alec really was like you love ME? poor soul

26. Alec is like that’s not what I meant bro 😭

part 2 coming near a theatre near you ✨

[mirthlxss]

Off to the races

Chapter 11: Swimmin' pool glimmerin', darling

“Hallelujah, finally, that must be my hanging shoelaces!”

master list

price x oc, series.

a03: pricescigar, Off to the races is posted in full.

taglist:  @deadbranch , @jxvipike, @smoggyfogbottom, and very very big thank you to @bubuslutty for beta reading this!!! She has lots of amazing writing on her page so make sure to check that out too!

warnings: alcohol.

a/n: "Is that all you want to be? Liked? Wouldn't you rather be passionately and voraciously desired?" - Margaret Atwood.

“Let them try.”

“They already have, Simon, and succeeded.” Price bites out, barely keeping himself from chewing out the end of his cigar. “Need I remind you of the mess we’re in now?  Little miss smart ass is down the hall and I sure as hell don’t remember taking on new recruits.” 

“Sure.” Ghost leans back in his usual chair, pupils void of any discernible emotion, palm flat against the round meeting table they all sat around. “Did say I’d take care of it, you said no.” Pointed, the thrum of Ghost’s matter-of-fact tone only made the Captain twitch more.

“Can’t just kill a civilian.” 

A beat passed between them, the air felt stale. Both knew what hung over them, the resounding answer that welled in Simon’s throat, he’d keep quiet but his general distaste was evident. What makes this different to all of Price’s sacrifices? 

The Captain had made split-second choices before, left a man to demolition to save the greater group. To save Garrick. The one real mistake Simon had made in years and it nearly cost him his life, seeing Lily flit about the hallways of their base and hearing her cackle echo around only served as a living reminder of what he’d done. A living, breathing reminder that he had fucked up. She berated him with her presence. 

What was worse, he could still hear her panic. The shrill stutter of a feminine voice, the shaking grasp on his soon-to-be corpse, the pressure on his wound. Simon wasn’t fully conscious after the attack but he was sentient enough to feel her there, the fearful attempts of ushering his sopping blood back into his body did not go unnoticed. He loathed her for it. Why not finish the job? Why follow him here? He was the spectre and yet, she haunted him. 

“Makarov has clearly found his way into the system, someone amongst us has supplied the ultra-nationalists with information, otherwise the races incident would not have happened. This we know.” Price leered over the ancient laptop in front of him, several photos and reports splayed across its screen, a never-ending scroll of nuisances, fires he’d have to put out. 

“Captain?” Soap piqued, tired of trying to get Ghost’s attention, most of the meeting he’d spent nudging the other beneath the table, only now piping up as the Lieutenant clearly wasn’t in the mood to entertain him. Price rose a brow, wordlessly answering the sergeant. 

“Had a funny feeling about the intelligence lads we disposed of.” Gut instinct, it had saved each one of them more than enough times, the general churn of dread that grasped at the sides of one's stomach often spelt out the answers long before any real evidence did. 

“One was Russian.” Kyle pointed out, walking round the table to hover beside the Captain, waiting for permission to take over the computer, pulling up the profiles of the past intelligence team, signalling out one man in particular. 

“Pavel.” Venomous, drastic rumble. 

John looked upon the screen with distaste, the same slimy boy that had taken so much pleasure in unearthing Lilith’s photos, the same child that felt so sure in sharing them. “You think he’s capable?” 

“Cannae’ see why not, squealed like pig when we smashed him in, wouldn’t surprise me if he’d been sniffing around the ultras” Soap shrugged, distinctly remembering the high-pitched yells and bloodied snorts. 

“Just cos’ he sounds like a pig, don’ make him one.” Ghost grumbles, distinctly uninterested in chasing up a stale lead. Not when Makarov had gotten so close already. 

“I don’t mind playing butcher.” Gaz offered himself up, looking down at Price ardently. He’d tried his best to conceal the pang of urgency in his proposal, quietly wanting to bestow another heavy-handed gravel of justice atop of Pavel’s stunted head. Ultras or not. 

“Steady Kyle, this is delicate now, if they got the better of Ghost you can’t just expect to waltz in alone.” 

Garrick rocked back on the heels of his boots, hands now firmly planted on either side of his hips, clutching at his belt with a tight-lipped frown. “Doesn’t it make you suspicious how fast they got all that data? I mean, the sheer amount of it as well, we’ve had targets before and it’s taken ages for a data mine.” 

“It’s not like she’s taken any care in protecting herself.” Simon scorned. 

“Even so, if the Russians wanted to know if Shepard had any soldiers out, they’d be pushing for intel quick.” Kyle kept to his point, not fully ready to look Ghost in the eye but still addressing the room. 

Worn, crinkled, distinctly unorganised.

It had presided in her dreams, her nightmares, in every waking moment since she’d come across this wretched thing, the ledger from hell had loomed over her like the end of days. Much to the Captain’s glee, Lilith had naturally fallen into the mess of numbers like it was her duty, only truly taking time away to awkwardly run after the team in early morning P.T., suitably embarrassing herself with each exercise. 

The unruly accounting itched at her more than anything else, felt like mites burrowing down into her psyche, gnawing at the only parts of her brain she really knew how to use. The hours of the day spent buried in the financing felt a lot like university, harked back to her usual days spent holed up in the library, buzzing off of numerous coffees and whatever freebie pastries the societies would try and entice naive students in with. 

Weighted clunks and taps resonated from her steady typing, eyes scanning from screen to paper as she straightened out another accounting statement, the first couple took a lot longer. Lily had a tendency to fixate on the detail, and this book contained many. More and more insight into their world, handhelds and airstrikes, who knew you could pay for such things? Who knew Captain Price even had the connections to do so? 

Obviously, everyone but her. 

The ledger felt like her bible, deciphering the scriptures would lead her through, tell her how to navigate the scathing desert of the 141. She’d repent, sooner or later, to whom she did not know. That felt irrelevant when she was knee-deep in holy water, wading toward the north star. A mirage no doubt, she’d wake soon, find herself stuck in sand. 

The symphony of work halted as another joined the choir, Lily craned her head back, swivelling quickly in her seat as she took in Ghost’s figure filling up her doorway. 

“Got no survival instincts.” Statement dry, Price’s apostles weren’t known for embellishment. He’d been lingering behind her for minutes. 

“God forbid I’m not looking over my shoulder every second.” Caustic comment flew from her as she swiftly returned to the screen, her rapid typing ranking up in hostility with each pointed jab of a key.  

He hovered, glowering down at her hunched position, suspicious of the resolution shown toward some stupid ledger. “Why’d you try stop the bleeding.” 

A question, it was unnatural for him, and so it was barked out as a statement. Rough and demanding, if he was a stray he’d have been put down long ago. Her fingers twitched over the keyboard, hesitant now, shoulders scrunched toward her neck, instinctively covering her jugular. 

“I don’t know.” She breathed out steadily “It just happened.” 

Her back twinged, his unyielding glare boring into her from behind, unwavering pools of darkness consuming each crumb of information she’d unwittingly give to him, every twitch and shift of her body analysed. His lack of response dragged the strain out for much longer than she cared to bear, tiptoes slowly angling her to move around in the chair to face him once more.  

His jaw ticks at her subtle mocking, molars grinding slowly as he chewed through what he’d say. She stares through him like the lieutenant before her was nothing more than numbers, columns on another page she’d itch to organise, decipher and file under ‘completed’. Ghost looks at her much the same, though his dentition of ‘completed’ varied vastly. 

“There’s a delivery for you out front.” 

“Hallelujah, finally, that must be my hanging shoelaces!” 

Clink!

Ruby red swirled around the glasses, liberal pours nearly spilling over as they toasted for the fourth time. Squinty-eyed and wine-flushed, Lily pooled over the carpet whilst Johnny and Kyle lolled haphazardly on her bed, all airy giggles and smiles. 

“Can’t believe Cap’in actually got you everything you asked for.” Another choked laugh leaves Johnny as he rolls onto his front, eyeing up the mess they’d all made unpacking her boxes and packages. Plastic wrapping covered every inch of the floor, kids on Christmas day, it was carnage. Amplified cries carried down the hallway despite her door being closed, over-excited cheers and shouts shaking from the room with each rip of cardboard. 

“I was half joking about most of what I wrote down!” She cackled, unabashed delight clear as the woman gripped her wine in one hand and a pile of new products in the other, practically vibrating as she couldn’t even hold it all, most of the items had been spread around the room, small heaps surrounding the boys as they continued to ogle. 

“What’s this one for?” Kyle held out a black tube, he’d let himself lean into the fever that Soap and Lilith seemed to share whilst unpacking everything. The Brit had to soothe himself at first, loudly proclaiming that he’d stick to watching, that he’d grab a beer soon and leave them to it. 

“That’s mascara, it makes your lashes longer and just, ten times nicer-“ She shuffled toward the bed and took it from him, twisting the wand out and showing him. 

“It’s no fair you didn’t even really want all this.” Soap whined, picking up the package the tube had come from and emptying the rest out onto the bed. “Share?” His pitched query came with a hopeful yet cheeky grin, obviously enamoured with the plethora of shiny new things. 

“I did really want this stuff, just never actually believed he’d get it, was just tryna’ piss John off.” Lily took a heavy swig from her glass, letting the chalky liquid coat her tongue before she swallowed harshly. “I actually feel sort of guilty…” 

Kyle surged forward, shaking his head adamantly, the hard swinging motion making him dizzy for a moment. “Think he’s the one feeling guilty.” 

He suppressed the urge to hiccup, the yen to protect his masculinity faded pretty soon after he’d been roped into the first glass of wine. Soon after that, it felt strangely uplifting to play along, sit cross-legged and paw over products. It helped that Soap was here, though the other seemed so natural, Kyle had always been slightly jealous of Johnny. He fit in everywhere and got on with everyone. Even now, laid across the bed with one of Lily’s new bras clasped over his pyjama shirt, beckoning her over so he could see the mascara. 

It seemed like some abstract rocky-horror slumber party. He was partially thankful just to be involved, used to watching Soap and Ghost saunter off to do whatever they do together, he’d often find himself trailing along after Price like a lost dog. 

Admittedly, despite how deeply selfish he knew it was, the soldier enjoyed visiting Lily in the hospital. A twisted sense of appreciation sprouted from her captivity, enclosed and wanting people on her side. He was happy to oblige, enjoyed the reciprocated companionship even if it was shrouded in exceptional circumstance.   

“Don’t gotta be guilty if you share huh hen, then it’s good for team morale.” Soap balanced his glass precariously on his chest once he flipped onto his back, scooting so his head hung off the bed as Lilith instructed him to close his eyes, both broke into another round of hilarity without a beat, barely able to keep still or serious for a second as she hovered over him with the mascara brandished like a weapon. They had all gotten through quite a bit of wine. Kyle knew better, knew better than to glare at his teammate for getting on with someone. 

But he was drunk, and determined to keep just this one friend. Just this once, he’d be first.

“Do me, do me-“ Kyle almost threw himself down onto the floor, fumbling down with a loud thud before he positioned himself, eyes screwed shut with determination. The flurry only spurred the two on further, howling with laughter as Kyle kept his eyes shut, inching closer and closer to Lilith, drunkenly shimming around. 

“Come here you silly sod.” She guided his head onto her lap, softly coaxing the man to relax his eyes enough so his lashes wouldn’t fold up, delicately drawing the wand through them. “Keep still.” Her voice dropped to a whisper in concentration, he lay smug, happy for the attention. 

“There, now open!” 

It felt slightly heavy on his waterline, almost akin to when their tactical paint clung to his eyes despite several face washes. Eyes flickered from Lily’s face peering down at him then at Soap’s. 

“I think it’s very pretty.” Johnny hummed, nodding down at him.

“You have lovely long lashes, boys always get the nicest lashes, it's unfair.” Lilith peered closer, admiring the way his seemed to curl with the product. Kyle felt strangely timid, the alcohol diluting his usual reactions, quick to open the capillaries in his cheeks to make way for a deep dusting of rouge. It forced him to shrink into her lap, frowning slightly at how vulnerable he felt, the emotion bubbling over so quickly it flustered him. Wanting for some kind of reprieve, the soldier jumped topics, drunken alarms of his disposition drowning out the sound of sense. 

“You’re gonna have a hard time packing all this up by tomorrow.” He drawled, sitting up from her lap and pointedly ignoring the wide-eyed look from Soap. Lily tensed, her body crookedly bent in the shape of a question mark as she cemented into position, eyes drawing forth the same query in which her body folded. The soft lull of music carried on in the background, cushioning the steely silence between the three. 

You and me, always forever. 

Clawing digits centred themselves around the milky column of her wrist, brown eyes doughy with a needy sense of amicable obligation, Kyle preened over the implications of him being so advantageous as to warn Lily of the change. A clear way to solidify his position. 

We can stay alone together.

“By tomorrow?” She lingered, his fingers pulsed around her in anticipation. Johnny faded into the background, his disgruntled whispers to quieten his comrade falling upon death ears. 

“Going away, all of us, chasing a pig back to its pen.” 

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 6 Tsumihoroboshi pt. 28

I don’t know why the console versions suddenly started offering more bad endings with this chapter in particular but there they are. Nothing quite as elaborate as the bad ending from Meakashi, but there they are.

Rereading these screens to make these posts is making me slightly more irritated with Rika’s characterization in Minagoroshi if I’m being honest. Not her characterization, I guess, more the explanations the seventh chapter offers and claims she acted in the past. It just seems very odd that in Minagoroshi it acts like all the previous timelines and events Rika experienced are the same events over and over with little to no deviation in any of them. Yet here you have Rika saying point blank that if she tried harder she could have altered her fate. Plus it plays into my theory that Rika had been forced to relive just June 1983 repeatedly instead of multiple months or even years across the century. A lot of the interaction in this chapter just doesn’t gel very well with the exposition given in chapter seven.

Hope this fight goes better than her attempted killing of Shion.

Meanwhile Keiichi returns to Satoko who informs Keiichi that she’s deduced where the bomb is. Rena stuck a ball in a storm drain on the roof and dumped a heap of gasoline there and that’s where she rigged up the detonator. Keiichi frees Satoko and makes his way to the roof.

Guess people need to quit relying on Rika to win tests physical contests against those who are older than her. Rena runs afoul of a trap Satoko had set prior to the hostage situation I guess, and forgets about her and Rika and chases after Keiichi who’s on his way up to the roof.

Satoko and Rika go back to the classroom and begin freeing their classmates. Mion tells them to leave her, for some reason, but Satoko basically says nuts to that, and proves she’s the master of unlocking by picking the lock keeping Mion in place. The hostages now free, Ootaka from the prefectual police plans to send in his squad and take Rena down.

I hate this fucking ending.

Anyway Keiichi makes it to the detonator, chucks that bad boy off the roof and now the situation is over.

Keiichi and Rena then have a fight that just keeps going and going until eventually the two get too tired to continue fighting. During this fight Ootaka tries to have a police sniper deal with Rena, but Mion interferes and makes him belay that order because, and I swear I’m not making this up. “If you shoot and kill Rena, Keiichi will kill you.”

I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t remember a lot of the details of the conversation during the fight because eventually I kind of just zoned out as it autoplayed. Scrolling back through it before the credits hit there’s a lot of “because we’re friends, friendship makes us believe in each other,” and other Kingdom Hearts bullshit. Also I just remembered, during the fight Rena quits believing in the information she got from the Takano scrapbooks. Not that it particularly matters, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that particular change of heart.

It’s kind of funny to me how they claim Mion had light injuries when the VN itself described it as being a pretty horrific beating she received. Maybe that’s just all to do with it being an official police report?

And so, somehow despite everything we read about dealing with Rena and her leap into insanity, the prosecution claims she is mentally competent to stand trial. Admittedly I don’t know how the court system of Japan works, but you’d think they’d have Keiichi, and Ooishi at least testify over how batty Rena was as a result of the scrapbooks.

Regardless of that, all’s well that ends well right? Rena didn’t explode her class, she got away with a double homicide, unless she confesses to that during her trial. And to top it all off Rika appears to have beaten her destiny, and made it through the day alive! What a fortuitous turn of events for all involved I’d say. Everyone survived, Rena probably won’t have to worry about relapsing into her psychosis due to the lovely drugs she’ll no doubt get in the institution, and no one we care about died. Hell even the post-game TIP we still have to go through doesn’t overwrite this generally positive ending, generally speaking anyway. But that can really just come down to personal interpretation I feel. Anyway, I feel you could take this as an unambiguously good ending, and just ignore the remaining two chapters if you really wanted. Sure there’s mysteries that remain unsolved, but that’s just life isn’t it?

[fanby-fckry]

Voxblr must’ve been going off the day Fizzarozzie went canon. The RPF girlies would’ve gone wild.

Source: voxblr.vox #unreality cw #meta post #hellaverse #hazbin hotel #helluva boss

( 6 notes )

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

Feb 14, 2014

Mammon’s got a new brand deal in the works for me. can’t say much about it yet, but I’m heading to Lust today to work out some kinks.

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

Feb 14, 2014

fuck why did no one tell me Asmodeus was so hot?

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

Feb 14, 2014

ok, you know what, that’s fair.

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

Feb 15, 2014

he’s actually… really sweet, too.

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

2 min. ago

update: we’re dating now

#you guys have no idea how long I’ve waited to say that #as scared as I was to go public #it’s a relief to finally stop hiding ↯ #fizzarozzie #my posts

( 110,0788 notes )

🌕 m00nlight_h0wling 🌗 Follow

20 min. ago

can’t believe @.queen-bee-lzebub made me read the word “clussy” with my own two eyeballs.

🐝 queen-bee-lzebub Follow

18 min. ago

Aww, babe forgive me? 🥺

🌕 m00nlight-h0wling 🌗 Follow

18 min. ago

no <3

🐝 queen-bee-lzebub Follow

15 min. ago

Clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy clussy

🐺 666--vortex Follow

14 min. ago

#bee stop instigating #and loon let bee post what she wants #ists y’all fight too much

( 264 notes )

🐝 queen-bee-lzebub Follow

29 min. ago

"average imp fucks a Sin 3 times a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average imp fucks 0 Sins per year. Fizzarolli Georg, who lives in Lust Ring & fucks Asmodeus over 10,000 times each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Source: voxblr.vox ↯ #fizzarozzie #it’s about fuckin time #get that clussy ozz!!! #fr tho #happy for u 2 💛 #👑🐝

( 757,491 notes )

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

47 min. ago

Soooo @.ozzie-king-of-lust @.jest-fizzarolli

When’s the wedding?

#love wins ↯ #fizzarozzie #love you uncle ozzie!! #and you too uncle fizz!! #❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 #🥹🥰💖 #🌈 posts

( 59 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady 📠 Follow

Feb 20, 2014

I can’t be the only demon shipping Fizzarolli and Asmodeus, can I? They’d be so cute together!!!

I’m thinking Fizzmodeus for the ship name. Or maybe Fizzarozzie? Oh that sounds muuuch better actually.

🪡 niffty-lady 📠 Follow

Apr 21, 2014

Confession time: I have a contact that helps me get tabloids from Lust into Pride.

I shipped Fizzarozzie wayyy before the tabloids started reporting on them but it’s good inspo

🪡 niffty-lady 📠 Follow

Nov 1, 2019

Ok, I know some of you are gonna think I’m crazy, but I think Fizzarozzie is ACTUALLY canon???

🪡 niffty-lady 📠 Follow

50 min. ago

SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!! I knew it!!!!!!

🪡 niffty-lady 📠 Follow

50 min. ago

I told you! Didn’t I tell you?

↯ #fizzarozzie #it’s CANON!!! #I am going to write SO! MUCH! FANFICTION! #new otp unlocked!!!

( 110 notes )

🐸 jest-fizzarolli Follow

1 hr. ago

quiet quitting is cool and all… but I’m about to go out with a bang! 💥😈🎶

↯ #mammon’s clown pageant #jester’s privilege #my posts

( 147,173 notes )

👓 creepz0 Follow

2 hr. ago

UNBELIEVABLE

Fuckzzarolli is such an ungrateful clown. Doesnt care about his fans AT ALL. Hes not funny anyway.

#anti-fizzarolli #fizzi critical ↯ #fizzarolli

( 0 notes )

👯‍♀️ glitz-n-glam Follow

2 hr. ago

Got this one in the bag! Fizza-rotty doesn’t stand a chance. 😈😈

↯ #mammon’s clown pageant #klown bitch #glitz n glam #klown posting

( 5,820 notes )

💥 blitz-the-o-is-silent Follow

3 hr. ago

fuck the h8rs fizz u got this

↯ #mammon’s clown pageant ↯ #fizzarolli

( 4 notes )

📺 voxblr4k ☑️ ☑️ ☑️ Follow

8 hr. ago

Thanks to a Deal with @.million-dollar-mammon Mammon’s Clown Pageant will be coming to Pride for the first time since 2010!

Tune in to watch live on VoxTV at 8:00 pm or stream it on Voxflix.

#and remember #if you fuckers pirate this #it’s not just my wrath you’ll be facing for breaking tos ↯ #mammon’s clown pageant #VoxTV #Voxflix #VoxTek

( 49,711 notes )

⬜️ voxblrverse-meta Follow

9 hr. ago

Fanby’s Fake Dash Masterpost

[harryfeatgaga]

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM WITH BREAKING NEWS: WE ARE LIVE REPORTING ON THE SCENE. Harry Styles has a close friends list? He was seen posing in front of a mirror, taking a selfie, while wearing a one direction t shirt. In response the entire universe was sent into a frenzy. This picture has woke up everyone! All blogs on social media and people are hysterically crying, sobbing, lighting fires, howling, barking, vomiting, screaming, ripping out their hair, and sleeping on highways. This picture has even awoken the dead!

Live from the cemetery, here’s Sue with Queen Elizabeth. “Ello, Common subjects. I, thee Queen Elizabeth, have arisen from the dead. It was quite heated down there. The fires are not to be taken lightly! But I’ve liked to thank Harry Styles for resurrecting me with this lovely documentation of his. We’ll chip chip cheerio, farewell. Back to my sauna showers of boiling water.”

And here’s another live report from extraterrestrial life: “M€ep M00p H@rry $tÿlé$ brøûght ū$ hërè tö €arth, wê cōmę în p€açe. höly füčk wë lôvè h@rry stÿles29;&/&,&:$alejficjjdndnciwpc” Thank you ET. As you can see, he not only brought us back to life, but causing us to malfunction. The universe is no longer the same 🎶 as it was 🎶. Back to you Billy.

Ha ha, good one Sue. The entire world has been shifted. We are on the brink of dying. Harry Styles photos has caused 9038477282737 deaths and 1029283837726264947279 injuries. They only way to be saved is for harry to add us to the close friends list. We just want to be LET IN HARRY. GOD DAMMIT!! LET US IN!!! I SWEAR I WILL FUCKING RIOT IF YOU DONT—

—beeeep sorry we’re having technically difficulties goodbye. Someone call the nurse and get the straitjackets ready!!!

I AM SCREAMIGJNIJNVBHJNVHJNFBHJBHUJIK

Anonymous asked: this goes with my live report. suspect seen on the scene.

UFIDKJFKJVJFIKFNHFJIK

Anonymous asked: wtf this was so cute😭😭 he couldnt stop smiling waaaaaa

MY BABYYYYYY

Anonymous asked: counting the hours until paige is off work…

IM SO SORYRTUIO

Anonymous asked: the world is in shambles

HELP MEEEEE

Anonymous asked: he knew exactly what he was doing when he posted that pic. i’m onto him 🤨

NO LITERALLYYYYYYY

Anonymous asked: THE MAN DID SAY HIS GUILTY PLEASURE IS WORKING OUT TO ONE DIRECTION 🫡

SOOOO UNSERIOISUHFUI

Anonymous asked: can we please discuss how beautiful that tatted arm is like 🧎🏽‍♀️

IT S SOOOO SEXYYY

Anonymous asked: harry’s in such a silly goofy mood just casually trying to k1ll us all

NO LITERALLY LIKE WOMEN DYING IS FUNNY TO HIM????

Anonymous asked: HE REALLY SAID ITS “ONE BAND ONE DREAM ONE DIRECTION BITCHES” -EXTRAORDINHARRY

HELP MEEJNBFHUJIKODL

Anonymous asked: the eyebrow furrow!!!! END ME NOW

NEEEED HIMMMMM

Anonymous asked: THE WHITE NAIL POLISH AND CHIPPED BLACK POLISH UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Im siiIIICKKKNVJ

Anonymous asked: they're not the same person

LITERLALY WTF

Anonymous asked: his ears. i’m obsessed.

NEED TO EAT IT

Anonymous asked: harry coming through with the thirst trap in 2023 😌

THANK GOD

Anonymous asked: yeah and when one direction streams are up next week

KFNJBHUJDN HONESTLY

Anonymous asked: LET ME INNNN

NOWWWWWW

Anonymous asked: THE BACKWARDS CAP WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MY BRAIN BODY AND SOUL CANNOT HANDLE THIS WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME TODAY

IM SOOOO HORNY

Anonymous asked: something about the backward cap really gets me going 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

ITS SO SEXY

Anonymous asked: HELLOOOOO THE CAP BACKWARDS THE SCUFF HIS NOSE IM JUST GONNA 🧎🏽‍♀️

LIKEEEEEE I NEED HIM

Anonymous asked: wow today is a gonna be feral, i can feel it in my boobs

FKNJBHFGYHUJIBHUJIK

Anonymous asked: the tiny orange shorts 🧎🏽‍♀️ the grey tank 🧎🏽‍♀️ jogging 🧎🏽‍♀️ muscles flexing 🧎🏽‍♀️looking back and up at the camera 🧎🏽‍♀️ the scowl and eyebrow furrow 🧎🏽‍♀️ the hair clip🧎🏽‍♀️ him being sweaty 🧎🏽‍♀️

IM SOOOFJHJIFBFHUJIJFNBHFHJIKFJN I CANTTTTT

Anonymous asked: the whore shorts. i live for those tiny orange shorts. ugh his thighs need to chop

HES SUCH A WHOREEEEE

Anonymous asked: can they go awayyyyy😒😒😒😒

BYEEEEE

Anonymous asked: NOOOOOOO🥹🥹🥹🥹

PLEASEEEEEE

Anonymous asked: obsessed with him

SOOOO OBSESSEDDD

[dear-ao3]

ok yes i Know i Said that i would see you all again at pre season testing. and No nothing Earth Shattering has happened.

so saph, you might be asking, why the hell are you updating the post?

to which i say, as a mclaren fan, it’s a crime that i haven’t talked about the antics of mclaren, specifically that of lando and oscar. and that i likely won’t because they’re not really involved in silly season.

so. today is february 18, 2024. and welcome to the What The Fuck Is Going On With Lando And Oscar interlude of silly season.

as i said. they’re not too involved in silly season. mclaren is the only team who don’t have to worry about driver contracts this year (barring any wild circumstances). to refresh you, oscar is contracted at mclaren thru 2026 and lando just signed an extension last month for an undisclosed number of years but we do know he will at least be there through 2026.

so they have been having some fun.

a disclaminer, lots of photos and videos in this update.

a second disclaimer, i do not ship these two. im merely the messenger reporting what they have been up to. also, oscar very much has a girlfriend. but, the boys clearly know their audience. as you will see.

a few updates ago i talked about oscar and lando’s tweets after hamiltons ferrari move. and that’s kind of just the tip of the iceberg.

oh and there was also this lando and oscar tweet from that event:

these two are the youngest driver pairing on the grid. lando’s 24, oscar’s 22. lando is chronically online. like. legitimately. oscar is a twitter king. they’re quite the combo.

they also seem to get along. by seem to get along i mean that whenever they’re asked if they get along they’re like “well we’re stuck with eachother by contract. *intense giggling* yeah yeah he’s not bad we have a good time”

in addition to being widely reguarded as formula 1’s very own polite cats:

(via this twitter post) (i know theres ones of lando but i couldn't find one)

lando (not to be confused with star wars lando) is clearly the outgoing extrovert friend and oscar’s the introvert of few words. also, lando’s previous teammates have all been older than him (carlos sainz and daniel ricciardo) and people are now like omg. he’s mentoring oscar the way (mostly) carlos and daniel did for him! which is fun. they play into it.

so what have these two been up to?

over winter break lando decided to become mr worldwide (pitbull) himself and go to basically every country (maybe like 7) and post a photo of himself doing the same stupid pose:

i wil not subject you to all of them but there were several. people memed it, including his own brother, and one person even made a reel comparing him to mr worldwide

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by nia rachelle (@raesgazette)

and then he posted one of him standing on top of his car:

people have been speculating that this Could Be his intro pose for the f1 intro. at this point if it’s not it’s going to be funny. oscar got his wisdom teeth taken out and hung around australia for a little bit (where he’s from) before going back to the uk.

the internet very broke at some point in january when lando posted an instagram story geotagged as australia. but (much to their fans general disappointment) he was there to go dirt biking with daniel ricciardo (also from australia).

all that’s fine and wonderful but the real goofy buisness started more recently as winter break is coming to a close and the drivers are all gearing back up for their Racing Lives. mainly the videos.

beginning with whatever this is:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Silverstone (@silverstonecircuit)

its actually an announcement that silverstone is going to be on the race calendar for another 10 years. and they chose to use george russell and lando norris (two of the british drivers cause silverstone is the british grand prix) to announce this. and well. lando went silly in the comments shitting on his own bad acting:

and everyone was like. hey hey buddy. you already got one. your teammate.

and then

not only did he like this comment:

the official silverstone instagram also jumped on the shit train:

and

they also did this ridiculous video for hilton:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Hilton (@hilton)

ill let you just imagine what the internet did with this one.

there was also whatever is going on here:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by McLaren (@mclaren)

again, you can imagine what the internet did with this one. that is the face of a man who knows Exactly What He's Doing.

and the oscar comments were back:

aside from that. lando has this ridiculous bit hes been keeping up with for years where he posts that his valentines date is his car. cause usually testing falls around valentines day.

and then his other twitter account further added fuel to that fire

mclaren finally revealed their car and lando and oscar commented some...interesting emojis. and then lando liked this tweet:

then, most recently they both did this interview. it wont let me link it but its on the f1 youtube page and its called ""We Can Take The Fight!" | Oscar Piastri And Lando Norris On Challenging Red Bull In 2024"

its a serious title. and literally anything but a serious video.

and now mclaren, as we know, have rebranded themselves to be grrr tough woo woo were willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to win grrrr were so Big and Bad and Scary in our VILlAIN ARC grrrrrrrrr winning yes winning were Doing It you know yeah Never Back Down Never WHAT????

but then they have these two as their drivers and, as we have seen, they dont quite fit into that social media image. but especially here in this interview where they're clearly Supposed to be being serious and its a good chunk of just. laughing. goofing. utter chaos.

there was also whatever this was in the comments:

which is in reference to the part of the video where oscar starts talking about his girlfriend, looks at lando and then starts laughing, which the f1 instagram account also shit on:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by FORMULA 1® (@f1)

this is of course, not all of their antics. but its a good chunk. and its utterly hilarious that this is all happening in conjunction with the other drama. the christian horner and the hamilton to ferrari and every other rumor is going on and then theres just these two. the eye of the hurricane. oblivious to the mess around them. mucking it up. being hooligans. pure fucking poetry.

anyway. i hope you enjoyed this more chill update of the mclaren boys and their antics. and i will see you all for pre season testing. lets hope we dont get anything else bonkers before friday.

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[starsofmilos]

I like (actually love) you! (Adrian Chase x female reader)

Request: Hey, I know this might be kinda similar in concept to the fic you posted today but it's different enough I'm still send in the request and hopefully you like it. I want to request something where Adrian and the reader are friends with benefits who are in love, but they're both worried to tell the other their feelings. The reader decides to try and move on so they go on dates and Adrian is really jealous about it and finally confesses he's in love with them (also kinda hoping it can be a little smutty cause I love your Adrian smut). 

Request: i love the way you write adrian especially jealous/possessive adrian! it's so hot. can you write something where adrian and the reader flirt sometimes but the reader doesn't think adrian actually has feelings for her so she tries to move on; she shows up at hq really dressed up for a date and everyone compliments her but adrian is super irritated and the reader doesn't realize it's because he's insanely jealous. and he stops her from going on the date and smut happens.

Let’s go!!

Masterlist

Warnings: smut, fingering, p in v, jealously, soft dom Adrian, oral (fem receiving), small amount of angst, mentions of insecurities, mentions of sex, fluff

Adrian’s and your relationship was weird.

Okay now that is a weird start to this, but this was the clearest way to explain it. Adrian Chase and you had a weird relationship.

It wasn’t like you both didn’t get along. As a matter of fact it was the opposite. Adrian and you got along really well.

Too well actually..

“Well don’t you look fucking delicious today..” Adrian grinned as you walked in. You grew flustered shooting him back a grin.

“What you hungry Chase? Wanna eat me up?” Adrian gaped at you for a moment before shaking his head with a chuckle.

“I mean if you really want me too. I will just say the word unless you’re joking then I am too.” 

You laughed taking a seat next to him. “You’re funny Adrian.” 

He smacked your hand trying to keep the smile off his face as you leaned forward pinching his cheek. 

Adrian grabbed your hand biting your wrist playfully as you laughed. “Lucky you’re cute Chase.”

“If I’m cute then you’re fucking adorable.” 

Emilia rolled her eyes hearing you both as she walked in. “Alright enough you two. Where the hell is everyone else so we could get the meeting started?”

The team hated, but also liked that Adrian and you got along. It was obvious there was tension between you both. They were just waiting for one of you to bite the bullet and tell the other how you felt.

“Adrian! Would you mind grabbing me a water?” You called out from your desk continuing to type your reports. Adebayo smiled a bit as Adrian wordlessly got up walking to the fridge you all had gotten in the small record shop.

“Adrian-” You were cut off by the water being held in front of your face. You grinned accepting it tilting your head back to stare up at Adrian.

“Thank you Adrian.” He nodded with a grin going so far as to open the bottle for you before setting it down. 

You grabbed his wrist before he pulled away placing a small kiss on it missing the way he grew flustered. Adrian stared as you took a gulp of the water before getting back to work.

Chris gagged gaining both of your attentions. “Get a room and fuck already..” 

You smiled looking down bashfully as Adrian laughed shaking his head. “We’re just friends dude.”

Emilia stared as you flinched a bit at his words. “Yeah..friends.”

Adrian nodded ruffling your hair before retaking your seats. 

This wouldn’t be the first time one of them tried to call out you guys for the obnoxious flirting only for Adrian to shoot down you guys being anything more than friends.

It was very confusing to you. It’s the only reason why you would describe your relationship with him as weird.

You wanted more.

Craved it even, but it seemed like to Adrian all you both would ever be is friends. Which kinda stung. If he just wanted to stay friends then why did he flirt with you? Or treat you specially?

You sighed growing frustrated with the latest assignment. It was your job to do all the research to help the team prepare and it was stressing you out.

“You okay?” You glanced up hearing Adrian.

“Yeah. Just a bit stressed I wanna get this done, but at the same time I’m having a hard time decoding some stuff..” He nodded in understanding standing behind you to massage your shoulders.

You groaned out in relief feeling his breath hit the top of your head. “You gotta relax pretty girl..”

“I mean if you keep massaging my shoulders like that I probably will.” Adrian grinned at your words kissing your forehead.

“Your hands are magic..” 

“That’s not the only thing they can do.” You choked a bit hearing his words. Adrian stopped as you turned your face eyeing him. He was close.

Closer than you originally thought. 

His breath fanned your face. You unconsciously licked your lips when you caught his gaze on them.

“You smell good.” He whispered out wanting nothing more than to kiss you. You gripped the pen in your hand tightly wanting nothing more than to leap up and kiss him. 

“You do too Adrian..” Adrian gulped a bit leaning in letting his lips brush against yours for a second before jumping up hearing the door open. 

“I brought some food.” John called out placing a bag in front of you.

“Thanks..” You whispered out a bit disappointed. Adrian nodded patting your back before putting distance between you both. John smiled a bit.

“Did I interrupt something?”

“Psh no no! You guys have to stop with that. Y/N and I are nothing more than friends.”

John raised an eyebrow as you looked down suddenly feeling shameful. You stood up grabbing your stuff. 

“I’m gonna head home. Thanks for the food John.”

“Oh did you wanna a ride home-”

“No I’m good Adrian.” You smiled a bit bitterly ignoring his call for you. John sighed shaking his head.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Adrian stared at John in shock at his words. 

You wiped your eyes trying to hide your tears. Adrian only saw you a friend. You think?

Why did he have to be so confusing?...

He made you feel like crap, but so special all at once. Adrian couldn’t have been doing this on purpose right?

All these confusing emotions led you to the bar. Where you planned on spending your night drinking your feelings.

That is where you met Kevin. He was cute. Brown hair with blue eyes..Maybe he’d be a good distraction from the green eyed idiot confusing you.

So one drink with him led to four and you exchanged numbers. 

Kevin was nice. He was sweet and he didn’t deny any attraction towards you. You said yes to his proposal of a date feeling a bit giddy when you entered work the next day.

“So you’re in a good mood.” Adebayo pointed out as you adjusted your makeup a bit.

“Oh. I am! I have some plans tonight and I’m really excited!”

“Is that why you’re dressed up?” John spoke up sparing a glance your way. You nodded excitedly.

“Yeah. I look nice right?”

“You look beautiful.” Adrian joined the conversation sitting next to you. You smiled at him a bit before moving back to Adebayo.

“Thanks you guys for noticing. I hope he likes it.”

“Wait who’s he?” Adebayo asked you confused.

“Oh! I have a date tonight it’s why I got dressed up.” Adrian twisted his neck quickly to you.

“Wait you have a date?” You nodded. Emilia walked in catching the last of the conversation with Chris.

Chris whistled shooting you a wink. “Oh trust me Y/N he’ll like it. You clean up nice.” 

Emilia nodded taking a seat, “Yeah.”

Adrian gripped the handle of his chair a bit angrily. He thought you both had something going on..Especially after last night. Maybe he was wrong..

“So do you actually like this guy?” Emilia asked wanting to get Adrian angry. She normally wasn’t one to stir the pot, but she was also getting tired of Adrian and you constantly staring at each other.

“I don’t know to be honest. I want too, but again this is only the first date. He is a good guy..” You smiled bashfully growing embarrassed. Adrian grit his teeth as you stood up dusting yourself off.

You couldn’t help but notice he was being weird. Adrian had just been staring at you with a clenched jaw trying to keep his anger in check. 

He wanted nothing more than to find out who exactly this guy was and see if he’d broken any laws.

“Alright well I gotta go home. He plans on picking me up.” 

“Wait wait! You told him where you live? You don’t even know the guy!” Adrian suddenly bursted out.

You tilted your head confused. He had been so quiet up till now. “I mean I wanna get to know him besides what if I decide to bring him in later.” 

Chris laughed at your words. “So you’re trying to get some?” 

You shyly nodded, “Maybe. He isn’t bad looking.” 

“But that’s dangerous! You don’t know him well enough. I mean he could be a serial killer!” You laughed a bit at his words shaking your head.

“He is not a serial killer. If anything he is probably in more danger next to me considering we kill people for our work.Besides I did not buy new underwear for nothing-” Adrian shook his head standing up. 

“Nope.” He muttered out grabbing your hand. Everyone else stared in confusion for a moment as Adrian dragged you away. 

“Adrian?” You questioned as he dragged you to one of the backrooms. “Adrian? I gotta get going!” 

Emilia shut her laptop sharing a look with the others. John sighed nodding. “Yeah yeah I know. They’re totally gonna fuck.”

“They better clean up.” Adebayo grumbled as Chris smirked a bit. 

“Finally he’s making a move.”

Adrian pushed you into the empty cramped restroom closing the door. “Adrian?”

“Don’t go on that date.”

“What?”

“You heard me don’t go on that date. He sounds douchey and you deserve better.”

“Better? Adrian I don’t think you can dictate what I deserve-”

“I know I can’t, but I know he doesn’t deserve you.” You sighed a bit shaking your head.

“Okay you can have your opinion, but unless you can give me a good reason not too I’m going on that date.” You tried to move around him groaning as he grabbed your shoulder pushing you gently in front of him.

“Adrian!” You stomped your foot. 

“Y/N please. Don’t go on that date.”

“Why not!?”

“You know why.” Adrian nervously gulped as you stared at him angrily. You grunted a bit shaking your head.

“Adrian move.”

“No.” 

“Adrian! You’re being a dick right now. Let me through!”

“Nope, I’m not moving.” He stalked towards you pushing you against the sink. 

“Adrian...you said we’re just friends.”

“I lied.”

“You’re a shitty person for doing that then. Kevin is really nice-”

“He maybe nice, but you and I both know he’s not me. It’s what you want right? A way to forget me.”

He hit the your reason dead on. He always was a sharp shooter.

You glared up at him, “I’m not dealing with this shit. Give me a good reason not to go on that date.”

“I know you don’t actually like that guy and I know even though your angry at me. You’d still rather be here in the cramped bathroom than go on that date.”

“Not true-”

“We both know at any moment you could’ve overpowered me and walked out. I didn’t even lock the door.” He smirked as you grew flustered.

“Look I like you like a lot and I don’t want you going on this date with the shitty dude. I know I can treat you fucking better than he can in so many ways..”

Your breath hitched as he leaned in close whispering softly, “If you don’t feel the same and you really wanna go with stupid fucking Kevin. Push me away right now cause if not I’m gonna kiss you before ripping your clothes off and fucking that little attitude away.”

You moaned a bit at his words missing his smile, “Fuck you Chase.” You gripped his shoulders pulling him close kissing him desperately. 

Adrian groaned against you smiling as he pulled away to move his kisses down your neck. You panted wrapping your hands around him. “Fucking hot..Fuck..”

“Mine.” He growled against your throat as he slid his hand under your shirt. You nodded without hesitation at his words.

“I’ve been yours for so long..I just didn’t think you liked me Adrian. You confused the hell out of me.” He sucked small marks into your shoulder lifting you on the sink. 

“Should’ve made it more clear. I do like you. I actually love you..I just didn’t wanna say it.” You smiled at his words. He pulled his mouth off of your spit slicked collarbone.

“I love you too..”

“Good because you are right. You’ve always been mine kay?”

“Yes I’m yours.” You released a shaky breath as he yanked your shirt off groaning once your bra was revealed. 

“Pretty..” He smushed his face into your chest kissing softly reaching behind to undo your clasp. He moaned once your chest was fully revealed. With no hesitation Adrian enveloped your nipple in his mouth.

You thrusted up a bit growing more wetter. He’d hardly touched you and you already felt like you were burning. 

“More! More!” You buried your hand in his hair eagerly. Adrian nodded quickly moving away to pull his own shirt off. You gasped feeling him push his bulge against your crotch.

“I can feel your pulsing..Such a desperate whore. You really thought Kevin can do better than me.” You shook your head.

“No! No one is better than you!” You whimpered out as he ground his hips down hard against your crotch. He began to dry hump you cursing as you kissed his shoulder leaving your own marks.

“Adrian please..I’ve wanted this for so long..I need you..” He nodded yanking your pants down pulling you off the sink to kneel before you.

“Gonna make you forget that douche..My fucking pussy. You’re my whore.”

Your face grew red feeling his hand trail up your thigh. “Is this okay?”

You smiled hearing him check in with you. “More than okay..Make me cum Adrian..”

“So demanding didn’t I say I’d fuck that attitude away.” You whined as he rubbed your clit outside your underwear. “You have no idea how fucking angry it made me hearing that you bought these pretty panties for him..” 

“I didn’t.” Adrian looked up at you questioningly. “I bought them two weeks back before I met them. I bought them hoping you’d be the one to see them...”

Adrian grinned widely as you bashfully looked away. “You’re so fucking cute. No one but me gets to see you like this now.” He pulled them off of you putting them in his pocket to keep.

“I still need those to wear-”

“They’re mine now. Just like this,” His finger sunk inside of you, “Is also mine.”

You took a shaky breath. “Fuck...” 

Adrian grinned fucking your tight cunt with his finger. It was thicker than your own. You moaned thrusting your hips up wanting more of him.

“More more. I can take it please..” Adrian nodded leaning forward to lick your clit. You moaned as he shoved another finger in. 

“Fuck me! Please! Shit!” He sped up his fingers watching the way your eyebrows and eyes scrunched up. 

“Gonna cum for me so soon pretty girl?”

You nodded, “Yes! Fuck!! Adrian I’m sorry I can’t hold it! I- Fuck!”

He smiled kissing you softly as his thumb began to rub your clit. “You don’t gotta apologize for that..I’ll never stop you from cumming. So go ahead let go for me.”

That was all the permission you needed. You cried out cumming all over his hand. Adrian ripped his hand away latching his mouth to get all of your release in his mouth.

You moaned grabbing his hair thrusting against his mouth to ride out your high. “Sensitive! Sensitive!”

Adrian moved back up kissing you to help bring you down. You whined still wiggling your hips. “Fuck me..Fuck me please Adrian..I was so stupid to think anyone could replace you.”

“You’re not stupid..You have me here now and I was dumb for not doing any of this sooner.” He stood up unbuckling his belt shoving his pants down to his knees not even fully taking them off as he pulled you closer. 

You shoved his shirt off needing to feel him close as he tapped his cock against your clit. “Adrian..”

“I know..I’m going in..” He groaned out feeling your tight walls squeeze him. “Relax..please baby fuck you’re so fucking tight. I can’t..I can’t hold back if you squeeze me like this..Such a perfect pussy..Perfect pussy..”

You nodded gripping his shoulder, “Move please..Fuck me Adrian..I’m yours please fuck me-OH FUCK!!”

Adrian began a brutal pace gripping you tightly as he slid in and out with a strong force.

Drool spilled from your mouth. It felt like your body was on fire. “Oh fuck Adrian! So big! You’re splitting me open!”

Adrian groaned latching onto your neck sucking marks, “Oh fuck Y/N..you feel so good why the fuck didn’t we do this sooner..Shit shit! I don’t wanna stop fucking you. Fucking my pussy..”

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop Adrian!! Please fuck me! I don’t wanna ever stop..” You felt tears well in your eyes.

“I will fucking kill anyone who tries to do this with you. I really wanna fucking find this stupid guy you planned on seeing tonight.”

“No no! Adrian no one but you can see me this way and fuck me the way you do! Ohh fuck!!” You whimpered as he leaned down rubbing your clit.

You were drunk on his cock. The way he was driving it deep into you scratching that one spot that made your eyes roll back.

“Harder..please..” Adrian pulled your head back watching the way your eyes teary and red rimmed.

“Does it feel good baby?” You nodded quickly at his question. “Yeah you like the way my cock is fucking you.”

You nodded, “Yes!! I love it!! It feels so good!!! OH ADRIAN!!!”

His eyes widened as your orgasm hit you suddenly with no warning. You moaned scratching his back leaving deep imprints.

Adrian tried to pull back to check on you before moaning out himself once he felt your legs wrap around his waist keeping him inside.

“Don’t stop! Please Adrian! Feels so good!! So much can’t think-Ah!” He nodded lifting you off the sink to push you to the door slamming into you with a force that had the door rattling.

“Look at you being a cock drunk whore. You like me fucking you so much.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

“Yes I do! Do you like fucking me?” You wanted to make sure he was feeling as good as you were.

Adrian grinned kissing you, “I’m enjoying this so fucking much. Such a pretty girl crying over my cock..I’m close already..”

He whispered breathlessly. You whined feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and the overstimulation but you’d rather die than have Adrian stop.

“I’m gonna cum again!” You cried out sobbing into his shoulder biting down once you felt it hit you.

Adrian groaned mumbling incoherent curses and your name before cumming himself deep inside of you.

“FUCK ME!! Y/N! SHIT SHIT OH FUCK!!”

“Adrian!! Fuck Adrian! Cum inside of me! It feels so good!! So much!!”

He moaned slumping his head in your neck struggling to catch his breath.

You panted pulling his head out to sloppily kiss him not caring about the saliva and drool that spilled between you two.

“Thank you..” Adrian nodded.

“Believe me pleasure was all mine..” You laughed as he set you gently down on the sink counter slipping out of you with a hiss.

“So I’m pretty sure by now you missed your date.” Adrian grinned widely as you smiled.

“That’s okay. I don’t need a date anymore. I’m yours right?”

“You are and don’t you forget it..”

[attempted--eloquence]

So I was going through my drafts. and like, back in February when I was thinking about Valentine’s day fic ideas, I ended up drafting this silly matchmaking fic (based on the 36 questions for love) but I decided to abandon it bc it’s silly and I’m too lazy to flesh it out any further than this. But I dunno it’s maybe cute-ish. So I figured I’d post it here. So yeah!

anyway below the cut is Liam and Theo meeting at a matchmaking event<3

Liam Dunbar - ♥ - Theo Raeken

It’s a Match!

——————————

Name - Dunbar, Liam

Age - 25

“Question one,” Mason reads, settling beside Liam on the couch. “What is your idea of a good night out?”

“Uh, I guess…dinner? A movie?” he shrugs. “Wait, no, don’t put that. That’s probably what everyone is gonna say. When’s the last time I even went to a fucking movie theater? Umm, let me think.”

“Liam, dude.”

“No, hold on! Just—just gimme a sec,” he says.

“How about I just put ‘dinner and a movie’ as a provisional answer and we can move on—”

“Got it,” Liam blurts. “Mini golf.”

“Mini golf?”

Liam nods. “Mini golf.”

“Okay. Mini golf,” Mason sighs, typing in his answer.

“Wait! Maybe one of those barcade places, actually?”

“Only ten questions, and yet I’ve got a feeling we’re gonna be here all night,” Mason sighs.

——————————

Name - Raeken, Theo

Age - 27

Tracy stretches out on the futon, draping her legs across Theo’s lap. She says, “Alright, c’mon. What’s your idea of a good night out?”

“That night you, me, Don, and Josh broke in and hotboxed the projection booth during the horror movie fest is hard to beat,” he grins.

“Mm, try again. Something that won’t prompt the matchmaking company to report you to the local police department?”

“Like they’d be able to find anything on me,” Theo scoffs. “My record’s been expunged.”

“Fine. Good nights out that don’t involve criminal activity?”

He hums, offering a lazy shrug. “Don’t remember most of ‘em.”

“Theo.”

“Kidding,” he sighs. “You know, I hear bingo nights at the senior center get pretty rowdy.”

“I really hate you,” Tracy says beneath her breath.

“Heard it before.”

——————————

“What color best represents your personality?”

Liam glances down at his sweatshirt.

“Blue.”

“Okay,” Mason nods.

“That’s kind of basic isn’t it?” Liam frowns. “I mean, blue? Everyone’s gonna say blue. What color did you say on yours?”

Mason raises a brow, says, “Green.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m comforting and have a mellow energy, I don’t know, dude, I just said green!” Mason answers, waving a dismissive hand.

“Personally, I think you’re more of a teal.”

“Okay, last I checked, you were only signing up for this event with me because I’m too chicken to go alone. Now, you’re putting more effort into your answers than I did.”

“...Let’s go with blue,” Liam relents.

——————————

“I’d say…something between green and black. Like the solid part of birdshit,” Theo answers. “Familiar, but distinctly unpleasant.”

“At least you’re self-aware,” Tracy mutters. “I’m putting red. Confident, warm, and inviting.”

——————————

“I’m easy-going, but also, uh, motivated. And…confident. Yeah. Confident. But not arrogant. Definitely not that. But I have a sensitive side, right? I totally have a sensitive side. Oh, and Hayden used to say I was very thoughtful, so maybe that. And charismatic.”

“Liam—”

“And genuine.”

“That was like ten times the amount of words you were supposed to give,” Mason sighs.  

“Okay, look, just put down…” Liam trails off. He glances around his apartment, like his home decor will give him the answers. “Adventurous, kind-hearted, and intelligent.”

——————————

Tracy scrolls to the next question. Says, “Describe yourself in three words.”

“Down. To. Fuck.”

——————————

“What traits do you like and dislike most in a potential partner?”

“My dislikes?” Liam says. He draws his lip between his teeth, thinking. “Um, Impulsivity, indecisiveness—”

“Are you just describing yourself?” Mason asks.

“Very funny.”

Mason doesn’t laugh.

Liam falters. “Oh, shit. Wait. Am I?”

——————————

“What traits do you like and dislike most in a potential partner?”

He grins. Answers, “I like hefty bank accounts and dislike rigid morality.”

“Fucking hell, Theo, you have to take this somewhat seriously. They’re gonna match you with an absolute trainwreck and then I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Trace, I never even wanted to do the whole speed dating—”

“It’s a blind date event,” she corrects. “Not speed dating.”

“Blind date thing. It’s a combination of my two least favorite things, mandatory small talk and insincere pleasantries with strangers. You’re kinda forcing my hand here,” he grumbles.

“Donovan didn’t complain a single time when he took the personality questionnaire,” Tracy says.  

“Donovan is a serial dater. He’d probably sign up for this even if it wasn't a promotional event for your restaurant.”

She adds, “And Josh helped me put flyers downtown advertising Singles in the City for hours last weekend.”

He narrows his eyes. “Are you implying I’m an unsupportive friend?”

“I’m implying that I’m thinking of demoting you to ‘acquaintance’ status.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.”

Theo shoots her a dry look.

“I know it’s silly to you, but it means a lot, okay?” Tracy stresses. “Hopefully, people will come and meet their soulmates and then fall in love, and get married, and have babies, and they’ll tell their kids the story of how they met at some cheesy matchmaking event at Chimera, and they’ll return on their anniversary and ask to sit at the table they first met at, and—”

“This is a soft opening for your restaurant. Not a rom-com.”

“I know, I know. I’m a mess,” she groans. “If all else fails, it’s an easy way to establish a customer base and gauge how the appetizer selection will go over with guests. If…anyone actually shows up.”  

Theo softens. He relents, “Okay, whatever. I’ll take it seriously. Promise.”

“Good, ‘cause I’ll be too busy overseeing the front and back of house to get in on the love connection action. I’ll have to live vicariously through you,” Tracy sighs. “Last one. Do you have a gender-specific preference?”

“Eh, surprise me. But, if they match me with a chick maybe I’ll send her your way.”

“Now that’s worthy of you being promoted to Best-Friend-For-Life status.”

“Only if the date sucks though.”

“Wow. How generous of you.”

——————————

“And last pre-survey question…” Mason mumbles. His composure has melted. He’s a lump on the couch, looks more ready to nap than anything else. “Do you have a gender-specific preference?”

Liam shrugs.

“Nope.”

Mason sits up, bewildered. “That’s the only question that hasn’t taken you five minutes to answer. I’m kinda proud.”

“Well, in that case, you think we can reinvest the remaining four minutes to look over my other answers?”

“Oops, my finger slipped,” he presses enter and shuts the laptop. “Looks like your answers have been submitted.”

——————————

“You gotta last name to go with that first?”

Liam startles, only slightly. A guy—his date?—settles into the chair across from him. His nametag says Theo. His face says he’s uninterested.

“Dunbar.”

“Dumb-bar?”

Liam scowls, “No, it’s—”

“Raeken,” he says.

“What? I said Dunbar.”

“My name. Theo Raeken.”

“Oh. Oh,” Liam nods, shifting in his seat. It’s quiet. He hates the quiet. He wonders if his questionnaire answers should’ve been tweaked so that he could’ve been paired with someone that would show more interest in him than in the trays of food being carried around by waiters.

“Look, this is gonna suck, probably,” Liam says. “I mean it’s always weird having to do icebreaker questions and shit with people you don’t know, but uh. Let’s at least give it a shot. Full-fledged honesty’s the best way to go about it, right?”

Theo pulls his lips into a smirk. “And what if I told you I’m a pathological liar.”

“I’d say we’re off to a great start,” Liam mutters.

Theo leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. He runs a finger along the stem of his champagne glass.

“Full-fledged honesty? This is my friend’s place, and I only agreed to participate to offer moral support in exchange for free drinks and hors d’oeuvres. Not love. Sorry to disappoint.”

Over half an hour spent filling out that stupid questionnaire and Liam gets someone that bluffed for a complimentary dinner. Just his fucking luck.

“But…you’re single?”

Theo nods.

“Yes.”

Liam quirks a brow. He asks, “And you’re not lying about that?”

“Nope.”

Liam shrugs.

“Alright. I can work with that,” he slides the sheet across the table. “Ask me something.”

Theo lets out a bemused snort. He loses the disinterested expression, though, so Liam will consider that a win.

“Okay. Question one: Out of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?”

Liam mulls the question over for a few seconds. Says, “Maybe Plato.”

“Anyone in the world and you choose an old dead dude whose greatest ideas are already documented and who speaks a different language.”

He scoffs, “Who says I don’t know Ancient Greek?”

Theo shoots him a dubious look.

“Alright, so, maybe I don’t. But in the fantasy world where anyone can be my dinner guest, let’s assume I’m fluent in every language. And I’m not gonna pass up the opportunity to chat with an ancient Greek philosopher,” Liam answers. “I’d mostly just hope to soak up some enlightenment through osmosis. Plus he’d probably be running his mouth enough that I wouldn’t have to bother with entertaining him much.”

Theo takes a sip from his champagne glass.

“Running his mouth, huh. Sounds familiar.”

Liam sends a glare his direction, but it’s weak. He says, “Alright, smartass, who would you choose then?”

“Pet names already? I’m flattered,” he drawls. “My sister, probably.”

“Out of everyone. In the entire history of the world.”

“Yep.”

Theo doesn’t elaborate, just slides the question card over back over to Liam. He plucks a bacon-wrapped scallop off the appetizer tray carried around by one of the waiters, pops it into his mouth and raises an expectant brow.

Liam gulps.

“Question two…”

——————————

“Do I have a secret hunch about how I’ll die?” Liam groans. “Geez way to kill the mood. I’m still trying to work through the crushing mortality of reaching my mid-20s and this certainly doesn’t help with—”

“I think I’ll go out in a horrible freak accident somewhere random. Like a hardware store. Accidental beheading in Home Depot aisle 12,” Theo interrupts.

His insane answers are almost charming. Theo doesn’t take himself seriously and that makes it halfway-easier for Liam to let his guard down, too.

“Well. Personally, I was thinking something more along the lines of…uh, old age,” Liam shrugs. “My grandpa’s still kicking at the ripe age of 98.”

“Damn. Hope you didn’t just jinx him.”

“Dude.”

Theo raps his fist against the table, lips twitching into a grin.

“Knock on wood.”

——————————

“Am I boring you, Dunbar? Guess my idea of a ‘perfect day’ is too routine for you, yeah?”

“No. Sorry, not at all. Just,” Liam’s eyes drift across the restaurant, “that’s my friend and his blind date. I’m wondering how it’s going.”

Theo cranes his neck. Asks, “Which one?”

“The guy in the denim jacket at the table over there.”

Mason laughs too hard at something his blind date says, spills his glass of water on the neckline of his shirt in the process. Smooth. He’s totally gonna rant to Liam about that later. But his embarrassment will probably be overshadowed by the way he’ll swoon over how blind date guy uses his own napkin to dab at the wet splotch on his collar.

After a moment of unceremonious staring, Theo glances at Liam and says, “They’re beating us.”

“What?”

“Look at them,” he jerks his chin in the direction of their table. “They’re totally leaving here together. Hope he wasn’t your ride.”

Liam frowns. “Well. He actually was—”

“So, c’mon. You gonna let them outdo us or are you gonna win yourself a ride home tonight?”

Well. Liam’s never been one to turn down a challenge.

——————————

“Next one,” Theo says, face scrunched up in preemptive distaste. “Take four minutes to tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.”

Liam grimaces. “Think we can go back to the stupid fantasy questions?”

“C’mon, let’s hear it,” Theo sighs. “I’m timing you, motormouth.”

“I don’t like that pet name.”

“Didn’t ask.”

Liam levels a halfhearted glare at him. Says, “Fine, I’ll start, but you have to promise not to interrupt with a snide remark.”

Theo frowns, all mock-hurt. “That doesn’t even sound like me, but, whatever. Go ahead.”

It’s rushed, Liam’s summary of his life. Dad. Mom. Wedlock-baby him. Glosses over a volatile home life and shared custody and years of anger issues and psych appointments and school re-assignments. Finding a home in lacrosse, his college scholarship, his current assistant-coaching side gig when he’s not working as a curator. Fills in the a picture of his life with a broad brush that he hopes doesn’t make sirens blare in Theo’s head. The timer doesn’t go off. He’s not sure that Theo ever set it.

“So, yeah. That’s…me. I guess,” Liam sighs. At Theo’s patient silence, he adds, “I mean, whose idea was this? Yeah, reveal all your personal baggage to a complete stranger. Boom, instant love connection.”

Theo snorts, “Hey, I don’t know about you, but the subject of court-mandated therapy really gets me going.”

“Alright, your turn,” Liam says, grateful to step out of the spotlight. “Give me some of that full-fledged honesty.”

Theo’s casual about growing up. Only slightly vague. Keeps his voice even in a way that suggests he’s had to do a lot of reckoning with past. Talks about his parents, how them not being around much put him through situations he wishes he didn’t have to experience. But when he mentions his sister, her death, his words go heavy with self-directed blame.

Liam doesn’t time him. At all. Partly because he’d forgotten about the time constraint and partly because telling Theo to stop is the last thing he wants to do. Plus, it’d be a real asshole move. Making someone shut up the moment they decide to open themselves up.

“Anyway, yeah. Self-destructed my way through high school. Cut ties with my parents and got my shit together enough to go to college. I’ve been pursuing social work ever since,” he says, idly smoothing out creases in the tablecloth. “How much time is left?”

“Uh. Well. That would assume I even started the clock in the first place.”

There’s a lull. Quiet but far from uncomfortable. Liam’s cheeks heat up. He’ll blame it on the…lighting. The flame of the tealights in the center of their table. Definitely that.

Theo says, “So. Associate curator.”

“Yep. I spend long nights staring at old, dusty artifacts,” he nods. “Social worker, huh.”

“Mhm. My bank account is full of cobwebs and dust, so we have that in common,” Theo quips. “But, it’s important work to me.”

“Yeah,” Liam murmurs. 

Theo nods. “Yeah.”

——————————

What is your most terrible memory?

Theo’s expression flattens. He says, “Not to impede this highly-scientific matchmaking process, but I’ve found that alcohol and reflecting on bad memories don’t mix. If you don’t mind, I’ll pass.”

Liam exhales, lips tugging upward into a shaky grin.

“You have no clue how badly I was hoping you’d say that.”

He picks up the card, taps it once against the table.

“Alright, next question. What does friendship mean to you?”

“My friends are my family,” Theo says.

“I can tell,” Liam snorts. “You wouldn’t be suffering through a matchmaking event otherwise.”

Theo’s forehead creases. “You think I’m suffering?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

Theo gestures to a table across the dining area, where a man and woman sit stiffly across from each other donning match expression of discomfort.

He says, “I think they’re having a much worse time than us.”

——————————

Stare into your partner’s eyes for four minutes.

Liam blurts, “Would this be a bad time to—”

“Shut up, you’re supposed to be staring dreamily into my eyes right now.”

Liam rolls his eyes and stops the clock.

“How long did we make it?” Theo asks.

“Thirty-nine seconds.”

“God, I take it back. That thirty-nine seconds is my most terrible memory,” he huffs out. “You were saying?”

“I—uh. Sorry, this is embarrassing,” Liam mumbles. He draws his lower lip between his teeth. Admits, “I forgot your name like, twenty-five questions ago. Although I could probably rattle off your entire backstory now. But, what was it again?”

Half-restrained amusement flits through Theo’s eyes. He pulled his name tag off and balled it up inside his napkin shortly after introductions. Liam blames that noncompliance for his forgetfulness.

“I only agreed to 36 questions, Liam.”

“We skipped one,” he points out. “So technically you owe me one more answer.”

“It’s Theo.”

“Theo,” Liam echoes, lips curling upward. “Alright, it’s only fair that you ask me something now.”

Theo leans forward, eyes trailing across Liam’s face.

He asks, “Can I have your number?”

[gabekidd]

Murky Waters, Part 1

Pairings: David Finlay x OFC & Jay White x OFC  Synopsis: Six friends set out for a weekend getaway at a secluded―and allegedly haunted―mountain lake house. But should they be more afraid of the living than the dead? Part: 1/7 Word count: 2.9k Warnings: Language; alcohol use; mentions of cheating, m*rder, and s*icide. This fic is rated E, fam!

Masterlist.

No one asked for this, but I’m posting anyway. One (1) David Finlay has inspired me to revive and finally finish this fic more than a year after I started it. And it’s close enough to spooky season, so here we go! Enjoy :)

Tag squad (please let me know if you’d like to be added!): @statdaddy @hdbngsprnva @hotyeehawman @knifepervert @rusevday @missbrownstone @kawaiikels @meteora-fc @bec0m @linziland13 @librathepheonix13 @betsy-bradock @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @thatgirlforever5 @rocca09 @gabbynorth98 @brokenglassslippers @adriii-omega @sugar-melts-mo-fo

“Are you seriously still packing? They’re gonna be here any minute!”

Chloe let out an exasperated sigh as Alyssa walked through her open bedroom door. She was notorious for waiting until the last minute to pack, and even though she’d done exactly that, she was, for the most part, ready to head to the lake for the weekend. She just needed one more thing.

“No, I’m just thinking way too much about which swimsuit to bring.”

“Oh?” Alyssa’s face lit up in delight. “Why’s that? Trying to look good for someone?”

Chloe shot her a look. “Don’t,” she muttered. It only made her friend grin wider.

“What? There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you might just be the littlest bit interested in David, Chlo.”

Chloe didn’t dignify her with a response. For the last two weeks, Alyssa had been finding more and more ways to casually work, “Jay’s friend David”—and later, just “David”—into every other conversation, and the reason why was obvious: she was trying to set Chloe up with him. And while Chloe had been completely opposed to the idea at first, curiosity had finally driven her to do a little late-night social media stalking, with the result that maybe she was just the littlest bit interested in David.

But she was still more wary than not. “I don’t know. This whole situation is just awkward.”

Alyssa’s brow furrowed. “What’s awkward about it? We’re just going to the lake with our friends.”

“No, you’re just going to the lake with our friends. I’m going to the lake with my now ex-boyfriend’s brother. It’s not exactly the best environment for a rebound.”

When Chloe and Matt had broken up, she’d initially backed out of the lake trip; the last thing she wanted was to spend a weekend in close quarters in the middle of nowhere with an ex who had cheated on her. But then Matt’s guilty conscience had led him to back out instead, and so, with some coaxing from Alyssa, Chloe had agreed to go again. Then, Alyssa’s boyfriend Jay had invited his old friend David to come along, and Alyssa’s not-so-subtle hints that Chloe should hook up with him soon followed. But even though Matt wasn’t going anymore, his younger brother Nick still was—and Chloe knew he’d report back on her. It just made the whole thing messy, no matter how interested in anyone she might be.

But Alyssa seemed entirely unconcerned with the dynamics of the situation. “Okay, first of all, Nick was your friend before his stupid brother was ever your boyfriend, and he knows Matt fucked up. And second of all, let Matt find out that you’re getting some good dick this weekend! It serves him right for cheating on you.”

Chloe let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Jesus, Lyss.”

“Well!” she proclaimed. “Rebound aside, I actually think you’ll like David, Chlo! He’s good-looking, and funny, and thoughtful, and way better than—”

“Talking about me?”

Jay suddenly appeared in the doorway, a crooked smirk on his lips.

“No,” Alyssa returned. “We’re talking about David.”

“Oh, yeah?” The sides of Jay’s eyes crinkled with his smile as he looked at Chloe. “He’s excited to meet you, you know.”

Heat rushed to Chloe’s cheeks. She hoped neither of them noticed.

“Hey, you know him better than me,” Alyssa started. “Chloe’s trying to pick out a swimsuit that he’ll want to rip off of her.”

“Oh my God.” Chloe awkwardly curled her lips into her mouth and her cheeks burned hotter. It didn’t help when Jay looked over the assortment of bikini tops and bottoms spread out over her bed with far too much concentration on his face. He stroked his beard in thought.

“Definitely the red,” he determined. “You look good in red.”

 Chloe eyebrows arched. “Oh, have you noticed?”

“Of course he has,” Alyssa answered with a good-natured grin. It elicited another smirk from Jay.

“You know, if you and David don’t work out, we could make a threesome happen this weekend.”

“Ugh, get out.”

Alyssa shoved him out of the room. “It’s just a suggestion!” he laughed as he went back down the hall. Jay was a huge flirt, but it didn’t faze Alyssa—she was far too confident in herself and their relationship for that. Chloe admired that about them, even more so now that her own trust had been completely broken.

“He’s a moron, but he’s right,” Alyssa said, drawing her out of her thoughts. “Bring the red one. But bring the black bottoms and snake print top, too. A girl needs options.”

HONK-HONK-HONNNNK!

A car horn suddenly blared from outside. “That’ll be Nick and Juice,” Alyssa said as she walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain. Chloe joined her in peering out into the driveway. Sure enough, Nick’s giant gray Toyota 4Runner had pulled up in front of the house. Juice popped out of the open sunroof.

“LET’S GO, BITCHES! IT’S LAKE WEEKEND!”

Anxiety suddenly tightened Chloe’s chest. “This is gonna be fucking awkward,” she breathed.

“It won’t,” Alyssa assured her. “And I’m pretty sure that’s David pulling up now…”

A black Jeep Wrangler pulled into the driveway behind Nick’s 4Runner. Chloe watched in silent interest as the driver parked and got out. He wore sunglasses and a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, the near-sleeve of colorful tattoos on his right arm on full display. His sandy hair was pulled up into a bun atop his head, and he had a nice smile and a well-groomed beard. A nervous knot formed in Chloe’s stomach. He was definitely her type.

“He is cute,” she admitted.

“See?” Alyssa grinned. “You’re totally at least gonna make out with him.”

“Get out,” Chloe bluntly returned, and Alyssa laughed as she went out the door, just as Jay had a few minutes before.

* * * * * * * * * *

Chloe made sure to pack the swimsuits Alyssa had suggested before she slung her duffel bag over her shoulder and joined the others outside. Unsurprisingly, Jay didn’t waste any time introducing her to David.

“Oh, David, this my friend Chloe,” he said as she walked over. “Chloe, this is David.”

She nervously bit the inside of her lip as she looked up at him. He offered her a crooked, boyish grin that reached toward kind blue eyes. He had a lip ring that she hadn’t noticed in any of his pictures she’d looked at the night before. It suited him.

“Hey. So I guess these two expect us to hook up this weekend,” he commented with a nod at Jay and Alyssa.

Chloe’s lips curled into a smile. She hadn’t expected him to say that, but she was glad he did. It was certainly one way to break the ice.

“Oh, so you got that feeling too?”

“We don’t expect you to hook up,” Alyssa professed with a roll of her eyes.

“Yes we do,” Jay countered.

Chloe feigned confusion. “But I thought you wanted to have a threesome?”

“What?” Nick sputtered as he and Juice joined them—but David talked over him.

“With us?” he asked, pointing between himself and Chloe. “I’m flattered, man, but I’m not into you like that.”

Chloe bit back a laugh. She could already see why David and Jay were friends. The two of them would be trouble this weekend.

She might be in trouble, too.

“Whatever. You couldn’t handle me, anyway,” Jay returned.

“Oh my God,” Alyssa breathed.

“And on that note,” Juice interjected, “I need to use the little boys’ room before we hit the road.”

He pushed past them and walked toward the house. Nick looked around at them.

“What’s this about a threesome?”

Jay just smirked and smacked his shoulder. “Come help me get the supplies.”

They followed after Juice. David glanced back at Chloe as he turned to go with them. “It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled. Her stomach did a little flip.

“You too,” she returned.

They disappeared into the house. Chloe could see Alyssa grinning at her out of the corner of her eye. “You two are totally gonna—”

“Stop!” Chloe cut her off.

But she couldn’t stop the smirk that crept its way onto her face.

* * * * * * * * * *

It was just over a two-hour drive to the lake house, and a little more than halfway through Chloe was feeling carsick. She and Alyssa had been the unlucky ones to get stuck in the cramped third row of the 4Runner (“David and I are taller, so we should get the middle row,” Jay had argued), and they’d long left the city roads for a winding two-lane route through the mountains. All the ups and downs and twists and turns were making Chloe’s stomach drop and ears pop—and Nick’s driving didn’t help.

“Jesus, Nick, don’t go over the edge,” Alyssa commented with a wary look out the window. Nothing more than a short guardrail protected them from the drop into the valley below.

“Relax,” Nick returned as he cut around another corner. “I’ve driven this a hundred times.”

“Well, let’s not make this the last time,” she muttered.

“So, you go to Sharp Rock a lot?” David asked. Nick nodded.

“Yeah; we used to go every summer when my brother and I were kids. Actually, Matt and I are thinking about buying the cabin we’re staying at this weekend. The owner is pretty eager to unload it so she’s selling it for cheap.”

“Really?” Jay asked. “How come?”

Nick laughed. “Because it’s apparently haunted.”

“What?” Chloe and Alyssa simultaneously proclaimed. “I’m sorry, did you just say it’s haunted?” Alyssa added.

“Apparently,” Juice corrected.

“Haunted by what?” David curiously asked.

“A White Lady,” Nick answered. “You know—a scorned bride, or whatever.”

“What?” Jay laughed. “Okay, you can’t just leave it at that.”

“Well, I don’t know all the details,” Nick started. “But the story is that back in the ‘60s this newlywed couple was on their honeymoon at this cabin, and on the first night there, the husband admitted to cheating on the wife and knocking up some other woman. So, she went off the handle and killed him, and then drowned herself in the lake. According to local legend, her ghost haunts the lake and drowns guys who’ve been unfaithful who dare to go swimming after sunset.”

There was a beat of heavy silence—and then Jay barked out another laugh. “What? Well, I guess it’s a good thing Matt didn’t come, then.”

Alyssa reached over the back of the seat to smack his head. “Really?”

“He’s not wrong!” Juice piped in. Chloe shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“So, we’re spending the weekend in a murder-suicide cabin,” she breathed. “Great.”

Jay turned around to give her a teasing smirk. “You scared?”

“Don’t be a dick,” David said. It made butterflies teem in Chloe’s stomach again.

“Oh, come on,” Jay dismissed. “There’s no White Lady haunting the cabin.”

“Well, if the owner wants to get rid of it so bad there’s gotta be something to it,” Alyssa pointed out.

“She probably just doesn’t want to own a murder-suicide cabin,” Juice reasoned.

“But Nick and Matt do,” Jay remarked with a grin.

“Hell yeah, we do!” Nick confirmed. “We’d make a pretty penny renting this place out on AirBnB. I’m not above cashing in on the sordid past, either. Dark tourism is a thing.”

David laughed wryly underneath his breath. “Nice.”

The conversation was left at that as a gas station appeared around a bend in the road; it was the first sign of humanity they’d seen in miles. Nick slowed down and pulled up next to a pump.

“I’m gonna fill up,” he said. “If you need to use the bathroom, do it now, because this is the last stop until the lake.”

He cut the ignition, and everyone unbuckled and piled out of the SUV, if only to stretch their cramped legs. But the unease in Chloe’s stomach didn’t quell as she took in the gas station. It had clearly been there for decades, the name painted on the side of the building long faded by weather and time. She realized with some curiosity that there weren’t any other cars in sight. It looked like they were the only ones there.

“Are they even open?” Alyssa asked with a questioning look at the convenience store.

“I don’t know,” Chloe returned. “But I’m gonna see if they have any gum.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” David said. “I’ll go with you.”

He led the way toward the convenience store. The lights were on, but they couldn’t see anyone inside. David hesitantly tried the door; it opened with the jingle of a bell. He shrugged and offered for Chloe to go ahead. She stepped inside, cautious. She didn’t know why, but she felt an overwhelming need to tread as lightly as possible.

“Maybe someone’s in the back?” David quietly asked.

“Maybe,” Chloe said. She gave an uncomfortable laugh. “It feels like this trip has suddenly taken an unsettling turn.”

“Right?” David agreed. “I would’ve liked to have known beforehand that we’re staying in a murder-suicide cabin.”

“Seriously,” Chloe breathed.

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

She looked thoughtfully up. “I think so. I don’t want to be proven right, though.” They found the gum by the register, and she grabbed a pack of peppermint. “Do you believe in ghosts?”

David shrugged and reached for a pack of spearmint. “Undecided. Maybe that’ll change this weekend,” he said. It made her arch a curious brow.

“Would the man-hating White Lady have a reason to drown you?”

“What?” he balked, put on the spot. “Oh—no. No. I’ve actually been cheated on, so. I know how that feels.”

There was empathy in his eyes. Chloe looked down at the pack of gum in her hands. “So, I guess Jay told you what happened with me and Matt?”

David nodded. “Yeah. But we can just leave it at that. It’s not any of my business.”

“No, it’s alright,” she returned. “Actually, I don’t know anyone else who’s been cheated on, so it’s kind of nice having someone who can relate?”

He smirked. “Well, it sucks that I can relate.”

“Well, yeah,” Chloe returned with an awkward laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that I’m glad you got cheated on.”

“No, I get it,” he assured. “It is nice having someone who can relate.”

He smiled, genuine in the sentiment, and Chloe noticed she felt a bit lighter. She’d only known David a matter of hours, and it already felt like she could trust him more than she ever had Matt.

“Hello!”

She jumped and grabbed David’s arm. A middle-aged woman had suddenly appeared behind the register, her face tanned and leathery from too many years spent out in the sun. Chloe let out a breath and let go. She felt silly for getting scared.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you,” the woman apologized. Her voice was raspy and rough, like she’d smoked a pack a day for the last decade. She fit the part of rural gas station attendant a little too well.

“No, you’re fine,” Chloe breathed. Her heart rate was still returning to normal. “We were just talking about ghosts, so I was already a little on-edge.”

“Ah,” the woman returned. “Well, we have quite a few of those around here.”

“Yeah?” David asked as they both put their gum on the counter. “We just heard this awful story about the cabin we’re staying at up at Sharp Rock Lake.”

“Mm,” the woman hummed in understanding. “So, you’re staying at Clara’s cabin.”

A chill shot up Chloe’s spine. It was a statement, not a question. “Clara?” she hesitantly asked.

The woman nodded, ringing up the gum. “That’s her name; the bride who murdered her husband and then drowned herself.” She clucked her tongue. “Awful. She was actually a friend of my mother’s.”

“Really,” David said. He seemed interested, but skeptical. “So does her ghost really haunt the lake waiting to drown any scumbag cheaters who just want to go for a swim?”

He asked it with a grin on his lips, as if he fully expected the woman to wave him off and confirm that it was just another urban legend born from real tragedy, warped and exaggerated with time as the story was passed down from generation to generation.

But her reaction was anything but. “It’s not a joke, what happened in that cabin,” she bit. “You’re not more of those paranormal investigators going up there to provoke her, are you? The dead should be left to rest.”

Her eyes were dark; angry. But David wasn’t rattled by it. “No,” he said with a bit of a laugh. “We’re just going to have a chill weekend at the lake with our friends.”

The woman eyed him for a few seconds longer. “Good,” she rasped. “See to it it stays that way. It won’t do to go pissing Clara off.”

The hair stood up on the back of Chloe’s neck. She wanted to leave. David could sense it.

“Keep the change,” he said as he threw a few dollars on the counter and grabbed their gum. He put a comforting hand on the small of Chloe’s back and ushered her to the door; but just as she pushed it open, the woman called after them.

“Oh, and don’t be too loud. Clara doesn’t like it when it gets too loud.”

Chloe’s stomach dropped. She looked up at David in horrified confusion, but he still didn’t seem fazed by it. He clearly thought the woman was off her rocker.

“We’ll keep that in mind,” he said, and he gave Chloe a gentle nudge out the door. But he didn’t have to—she couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘽𝙍𝙄𝘾𝙆 | 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙡 𝙟𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙨 (18+)

edit by 🐓 anon. im still screaming over this.

∘ request: [insert the 14 asking for more Sapnap humor in a pt. 1.5 of Meet the Jacobses]

∘ pairings: edgy!Karl Jacobs x fm!reader

∘ warnings: smut (18+), nsfw, language, drinking, mentions of Todd the frat boy, lots of dialogue, biting, asphyxiation

∘ links: 𐐪 ao3 𐑂 𐐪 previous part 𐑂 𐐪 submit an edgy!karl edit 𐑂

∘ a/n: this one goes out to the babes in the gc. ily.

i stole the Brick idea from the Jesse McCartney movie, Keith. I'm sorry. [tw for that link - sad & jesse mccartney not talking about beautiful souls]

also thank you everyone for your support on this series. when my friends and I conjured this up, I never thought I would be at the point where I get to share peoples art/paylists/etc. I'm so thankful for all of you.

okay I'll stop crying. happy reading and have a great week! :)

The sun beat down against your skin, your mind drifting to whether or not you should apply more sunscreen. Karl jumped into the light blue water in front of you, the water splashing out to almost completely soak you. You frowned at him as he came up for air, blowing you a kiss mockingly.

Sapnap’s cousins started tackling Karl, the chorus of laughter echoing around the pool. You stretched your legs out beneath the table, leaning into the shade of the umbrella as you watched them roughhouse.

Sapnap came out from the pool house, opening a beer bottle for you before taking the seat beside you. He sighed, buttoning the top of his shirt as he watched the boys. “Did you have a good time at the party yesterday? I dipped after an hour,” he asked, pushing his sunglasses to rest on top of his head.

You shrugged slightly, taking a sip of your drink. You couldn’t wait to tell your roommate how lavishly you’d been living. The fact that you were lounging by a heated pool, drinking beer from Copenhagen with the sons of millionaires was nearly mind-boggling to you.

You wet your lips, squinting your eyes as you looked at him. “I honestly have no idea. I was kind of just there as a Karl accessory,” you joked, making him chuckle softly.

“Yeah, I get that,” he flipped off one of the cousins as they threatened to throw water at him. “It’s always the Karl show around here,” he added. You raised your eyebrows at him and he backtracked. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. He’s a good guy; everyone’s just obsessed with him.”

You nodded slightly. “Yeah, he’s definitely the star baby,” you joked, making him laugh. “I need to ask you…” You bit your lip voice trailing off as you searched for the night words.

He sent you a closed-mouth smile. “About my mom and Karl?” He asked, biting back a blithe expression. It shocked you how calm he was about the situation.

You chuckled nervously. “I swear I won’t bring it up again, I’m just,” you cut yourself off, unable to describe the question marks pulsing through your thoughts.

He snorted, taking a sip of his drink. “I know right,” he reassured. “When I found out, I almost broke Karl’s nose,” he chided. “Not that I was like… angry it was my mom but out of how weird it was.”

“Yeah it is really fucking weird,” you agreed, laughing slightly.

He gestured as if to thank you for understanding. “I mean, Karl’s a great guy. He was my best friend for a long time but…” He made a face suggesting his discomfort and you snicked. “That’s my mom, man.” You giggled wholeheartedly at this, making him laugh too.

“What are you guys talking about?” Karl asked, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, dripping wet from his pool time adventures.

“Speak of the Devil and he shall appear,” you joked, making Sapnap wink at you. “Tacitus’ Annals,” you answered, making Sapnap nod at you.

He chewed on his lip, with a calm expression as he supported your lie. “I was telling your girlfriend how much I enjoyed his love of Nero,” he continued, you bit back a smile.

Karl ruffled his hair out in a towel. “Come on now,” he grumbled, calling the two of you on your bullshit.

Sapnap squinted as he looked up at him. “Karl supremacy. As always,” he answered with a touch of quiet sarcasm, making Karl roll his eyes playfully as he took to the other seat beside you.

Karl ran his fingers into his hair. “You wanna get matching tattoos together, Sapnap?” He quipped; Sapnap sending him a smug expression.

“Why? What were you thinking?” He asked, knowing he was walking into whatever Karl was setting up.

Karl pulled the leg of his swim trunks off his leg a bit, furrowing his brows. “I wanna get your mom’s name on the top of my thigh,” he teased, biting his lip. You rolled your eyes playfully.

Sapnap let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh my God, that’s so funny. I totally didn’t see that coming.”

Karl took a sip of your beer and you spoke up. “I think you’d look good with a tattoo, Sapnap. All jokes aside, you’ve got a great body,” you mused, sending him a wink. Sapnap bit back a smile looking at Karl, who you could already tell was glaring back at him. “Side note, I was meaning to ask you. There’s a guy that’s in Karl’s frat,” you paused, trying to remember what Karl had said Todd’s real name was when you were pinning his auction number on him.

Sapnap raised his eyebrows. “Oh, Mark?”

You pointed at him. “Yes, the fake Romney.”

Sapnap snorted. “He did that on campus too?” Karl nodded, a look of disappointment spreading across their faces.

“Speaking of Todd Mark, the king of the Brick” Karl kicked his feet beneath your chair before continuing, “I heard there’s a bonfire tonight,” he probed, making Sapnap slowly shake his head in disapproval.

You raised an eyebrow at the two. “What’s the Brick?”

Sapnap seemed to have already made up his mind on the situation. “A fucking cesspool,” Sapnap grumbled, sipping from his bottle as Karl tsked. Sapnap tilted his head. “You really wanna take her to the Brick? People get together and smoke crack over there. The fact that,” he paused to furrow his brows at you slightly, “Todd Mark? is the benefactor should say something,” he stated, lips curling into an uneasy expression.

You peered over your shoulder at Karl as if to ask if he were crazy. Karl swatted off your gesture. “They don’t smoke crack this time of year. All the locals are back visiting for break.”

Sapnap shook his head again in unease. You chewed your lip, leaning back in your chair. “I don’t know… Sapnap, do you wanna have a movie night instead?” You joked, making Karl sigh behind you.

Sapnap mimicked your mock severity. “Yeah, a stay in and cuddle?”

“Of course,” you repeated.

Karl wheezed. “No, we’re going.”

Without missing a beat, Sapnap chimed back. “Maybe you can take my mom instead?” Karl’s expression flattened at his words and you nodded, high fiving Sapnap in mock victory.

Despite Sapnap’s hesitation, you all went to what they referred to as The Brick. In reality, it was a spot on the edge of a lake. They only called it the Brick because of Todd’s dad, a racecar driver who claimed the post back when he was in high school and later bought it. A large bonfire burned in the center of the space, various people around your age and a bit younger were either dancing to the music coming from one of the souped-up sports cars or shotgunning beers. You pushed away the thought of your stingy fire marshall back home who―more than once―had reported you and your family for “overactive cookouts.”

“Overactive,” meaning your dad and Clay were failing at not catching hotdogs on fire when the two would get lost in a chat about a mutual videogame when the families would cross the fence line in the summer.

As soon as you had stepped foot on the gravel, Karl was welcomed back like some kind of celebrity, so you stayed close to Sapnap. He would lean towards your height, pointing people out that Karl had mentioned in the past or those worth noting. You nodded along, soaking in what he had to tell you and laughing at his jokes.

A random guy strolled past the two of you, making Sapnap purse his lips. “Hey, Sapnap. How’s your mom?” One of the countless jokes thrown at him since you’d arrived.

He tilted his head with a mock look of questioning. “Didn’t your parents just get divorced, Jeff?” He deflected. Jeff’s face dropped slightly as he moved on. You always found yourself struggling not to laugh at how well Sapnap was at counteracting the jabs at his mom and Karl. Most of you felt guilty for how long he had dealt with it.

Karl watched you carefully as you sat down beside Sapnap on one of the vast benches; hands shoved in his pockets as the group around him caught up. You were glad to have someone around like Sapnap, despite the fact that you often went to parties. In the past, it was more of a bi-annual thing, but since being with Karl, you found yourself shoulder to shoulder with nameless people in a line doing shots every other Thursday.

You laughed as Sapnap joked about avoiding the drinks at the Brick because of the mites in the water and the STDs in the beer. “So, I never asked how you met Karl?” He queried, sticking his hands into the pocket of his Baja hoodie.

You smiled slightly. “Uh…” Shameless thoughts of you on your knees in a random building when you barely knew his name paced through your head like a quickfire of serotonin. “We had a lecture together and he liked my handwriting.” Sapnap smirked, chuckling slightly at your words.

Karl’s eyes were trained on the two of you, demeanor shifting each time one of you leaned towards the other to hear over the music or the two of you bumping each other’s arms to grab your attention. You knew he wasn’t jealous, but his look of curiosity was almost hilarious to you. Sapnap stuck by your side while Karl introduced you to his friends. He was basically your encyclopedia on the newer people as Karl would go off on a tangent with them.

The fact that Karl was so close to all of them and was so popular made your heart swell with pride. You were used to Karl’s deadpanned glares at most of his frat brothers and his snide comments, but now he was welcomed back like he was some kind of hero returning from the war.

After saying goodbye to Sapnap for the day, you threaded your fingers with Karl’s, enjoying the time where it was just the two of you. He brought the back of your hand to his lips, smoothing a kiss against your skin. “So… Sapnap’s mom…” you began, making him chew the inside of his cheek. “Where… did it happen?”

He looked down at you with a perked eyebrow before raising his sights forward, pulling you off the street where the two of you were walking. You followed him as the pair of you snuck through between the houses and across the backyards until the two of you were at Sapnap’s house again. Through the front windows, you could see him talking to his sibling in the kitchen.

Karl grabbed your hand, leading you along the side of the estate and toward the pool house. You wanted to groan at the thought before he pulled you through the door with him. “Are you serious?” You hissed, looking around at the dark place. Karl fought not to smirk as he peered out through one of the windows, watching the lights in Sapnap’s house turn out.

The moonlight streamed through one of the slender windows, illuminating his face and washing his features clean. Your gaze trailed along his arms; his tattoos peeking out from beneath his hoodie as he reached up to lock the door.

He turned back to face you, walking closer to you. “Did you have fun today?” He asked, plopping down on one of the couches and pulling you into his lap. He moved your arms to rest around his neck, pressing his lips to your skin. “I feel like I didn’t see you at all. Sapnap’s a bogart,” he muttered jokingly, settling his hands on your hips.

You scoffed before leaning toward him, pressing your lips against his. “Make it up to me,” you murmured, raking your fingers into his hair. “I think I selfishly need you to ruin me here; you know. Like a cleansing of you and Ms. Scarlet,” you chided.

He bit his lip, eyes pulsing with lust as he fought not to grin. You pressed your lips against his, turning to lay back on the couch and yank him on top of you. He chuckled into your kiss, as your hands moved to curl into his hair. His lust was a taste you could get drunk off if given the chance as his hands traveled the length of your body, moaning as you ground your hips against his, gripping into his clothes.

He leaned off of you momentarily to pull his shirt over his head as you slipped out of yours, you wrapped a leg around him, pushing him onto the couch instead and pinning him between your thighs as you straddled him, running your hands up his tattooed chest and connecting your lips again.

One of his large hands covered your breast as you began to grind your hips against his. His teeth grazed against your skin as he caressed your body while you moved against him, trying to create as much friction as you could against his jeans. He ran his fingers along the hem of your underwear, his lips curling into a smirk as he moved slightly to get a better look. "These are nice. Did you plan this?" He leered, snapping the elastic against your hip playfully. You rolled your eyes, pulling his chin towards you and pressing your lips against his. Every movement of his body seemed to lick at the fire deep within you.

You smirked breathlessly as his lips settled against your collarbones. “These are my church clothes. I had no other motive,” you jousted. His hand reached up to rest against your collarbone, his fingers lightly curling around your neck.

“Of course, how could I not realize,” he jabbed, pressing his lips and tongue against your neck. You moaned, tugging at his zipper before wrapping your hand around his cock, pumping him into harder arousal. He groaned against your neck, bucking into your hand lightly. His head tilted back against the couch beneath you, cheeks flushed at the attention. His teeth nipped at your skin as you ground yourself against his thigh, basking in his noises of pleasure.

His cock pulsed in your hand, making him grab your wrist and pull you beneath him. He gripped one of your legs, resting it in the crook of his elbow as he pushed himself into you, connecting your lips to swallow your moans. The feeling of him inside of you sent a wave of pleasure through your body. His voice was low in your ear, murmuring your name as if it were a curse. You moaned as he took one of your hands, lacing your fingers together beside your head as he kissed you again, tongue slipping into your mouth.

His thrusts became more rhythmless, his hold on you driving him deeper as the pool house filled with the noises of your whimpering moans. Karl’s breath was warm on your neck as he took advantage of your submissive state. He moved his hand from around your leg, wrapping his fingers around your neck again. Your body shivered, waiting for the pressure of his hand as his hips rocked against yours.

He chuckled darkly, teeth grazing against your shoulder before his lips hovered beside your ear. “Beg for it,” he commented, voice strained as he thrusted into you.

You swallowed, fingers digging into his back. “Choke me,” you groaned, “please.” His hand tightened around your neck, breath hitching in your throat as his thrusts became rougher. He bit back a smug grin at the way you reacted to his antics, relishing in your body beginning for more.

He relaxed his hand, pressing his lips to yours as you struggled to inhale. Heat ran through your body as your leg curled around his waist, nails raking down his back.

You leaned away from his lips, voice coming out unevenly as you moaned his name. His movements became sloppier as you groaned in bliss, tugging the flesh of his bottom lip between your teeth. You tipped your head back slightly as you reached your climax, riding out your pleasure and sending him over the edge as he pulled you closer to him, his hands digging into your hips as he encouraged you to continue grinding against him. You exhaled deeply, pressing your lips against his neck and his cheek before kissing him breathlessly as your movements slowed.

You pulled on your shirt, Karl’s hands moving to rest on your hips as he pressed a kiss to your neck. “Should we leave a note for Ms. Scarlet?” You joked, making him chuckle as his arms wrapped further around your waist, cheek pressing against your shoulder.

“Who?” He teased.

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