#what was it on again gabe being scary mean sometimes right?

[illusivexemissary]

warlockwriter replied to your photoset: secretsandgreeneyes: 3.11 | Mystery Spot

@illusivexemissary Please stop resisting and write the meta. Then please tag me?

kasjldhfkjhsdf OKAY I WILL TRY <333 

[dominimoonbeam]

Scars That Remind - Part 3

They’re still teens but inching forward in the timeline of this AU!

Darlin meets Quinn when they’re 17 and it goes just about as terribly as you’d imagine. Gabe has to pick them up. 

posting here as well as on ao3.

tags: Quinn. Mother fuckin’ Quinn.

Scars That Remind - Part 3

They thought they were in love for the first time in their life at seventeen.

They were very wrong but they didn’t know that then.

He didn’t know they were a total misfit in their pack—he didn’t even know their pack. He didn’t know their parents had left them behind. He didn’t know anything about them.

But he was looking at them. He was smiling at them. And when the light glinted off his fangs, Darlin smiled back.

They snuck out at night to hang out with Quinn for months, convincing themself it was good and never letting themself think about why they hid it from David and Gabe.

Sometimes it went bad. Sometimes Quinn was an asshole and Darlin fought with him. Sometimes it didn’t end at words, but that was normal right? That was how their parents had been. Quinn said Darlin was the sort of person that pissed people off, and they couldn’t really argue that.

They didn’t break up because of the fights, the fists, or the teeth.

They broke up because one night Quinn and some of his friends went off about the Shaws.

Darlin had liked being around people who hadn’t known who they were until that moment. Suddenly, by sitting quietly under his arm while he talked shit about their pack, Darlin felt like a traitor. Worse, a cowardly traitor.

“Have you seen David though? He’s big,” one vamp remarked.

Quinn snorted, boots on the coffee table. “So? He’s a fucking boy scout. Big might look scary, but that bitch has got no bite.”

No bite.

David Shaw?

Darlin laughed, loud and mocking, having to lean forward and wipe tears from their eyes.

Quinn shifted sideways to glare at them, surprise glinting in his eyes and his cigarette burning down unnoticed. “What are you—”

“You’re scared,” Darlin realized allowed. They might fight plenty and he might win every damn time, but that didn’t mean Darlin shied away. They were not a coward and, despite all evidence, they weren’t traitor to their pack either.

Darlin rolled to their feet and stretched, ignoring the feel of Quinn’s gaze. “Sit back down,” he ordered, voice like a razorblade.

Darlin looked down at him. They both knew they weren’t going to sit back down just because he told them to. They never did what they were told to do. “David Shaw is going to be alpha someday, and you’ll still be a loner talking big in a small crowd.”

The other two vampires in the club with them, sitting at their little table, went breathlessly quiet in a way only dead things could.

Quinn didn’t get up, not yet. “And what does that make you, Misfit? You’re nothing to anyone. You’re lucky I waste my time on you.”

Darlin dragged a breath. They should try to just leave, maybe he’d been just pissed enough to let them go—not quite so pissed that he’d stop them. Instead, they looked back at him, staring hard. There were plenty of times when they were afraid of Quinn, a few times when they liked him, and a couple times they’d thought they loved him. But this wasn’t any of those times. “I am nothing. I am a misfit. But I was still slumming it with you. If I ever hear you talking shit about my brother again, I’ll knock your teeth out.”

The words had jumped from their mouth without thinking, but they knew they meant them.

The two vamps across the table and anyone else eavesdropping on their conversation gawked.

Quinn moved so fast that Darlin didn’t see him get up.

His hand wrapped around their neck, body pushing them through the corner of the crowd until their back hit the wall. It was a split second, and the cigarette in his hand was crushing out against their cheek. Burning was new. Darlin wasn’t used to that. They growled and twisted, kneeing him hard in the inner thigh and shifted, their side shoving him back and their teeth snapping in his face—scraping against his jaw.

People in the club screamed. It was an empowered hang out but that didn’t mean they were comfortable with a brawl breaking out. It was a fast fight, the nature of all vampire fights, but Darlin wasn’t going to lose until they made him pay. It wasn’t the same as when it was just the two of them—this was about pack honor and Darlin wasn’t going down until he fucking killed them this time.

At one point he had them pinned to the ground. They shifted into human form, smaller than their wolf, to duck his hold and then shifted back, tackling him. Quinn screamed, Darlin’s teeth deep in his shoulder when they slammed him into a window that had been painted black. It shattered and they both spilled out onto the sidewalk. Darlin tumbled, shifting back to land on their feet, broken glass still skittering out around them.

Quinn hissed but didn’t get up, a large shard of glass in his face and another in his thigh. He glared up at Darlin, furious but also something else, surprised maybe? Darlin grinned down at him. “Remember what I said,” they panted, spitting blood from a busted lip. “I’ll take your teeth next time.”

Quinn bared those teeth in defiance. Department authority rushed up the street on either side of them.

 -

 Darlin didn’t start to freak out until midway through processing at the Department center when someone called Gabe. They tried to negotiate with the officers but they weren’t having it.

After the phone call, they uncuffed Darlin almost apologetically and had them take a seat.

It wasn't long before the door clapped open and the alpha of the Shaw pack walked in.

“Mr. Shaw, their was a window broken and the owner of the club—”

“Oh, I’ll be talking to the owner of the club,” Gabe said with a menacing smile. “I’d love to find out how my seventeen year old kid got in.”

Their heart leaped when he called them his kid, quickly stomped down in their chest when they reminded themself that he was just simplifying it for these people. How else would he say it? His dumbass orphan?

He spotted Darlin.

Darlin stood up. Shit. Shitshitshit. Instincts told them to run—run fast and fast and never fucking look back. But they tamped it down and bit the inside of their lip to keep from crying when he crossed the room to them, his eyes dragging over them with growing anger. How bad did they look? Okay, yeah, their lip had bled down their front and their shirt was all torn to shit and they probably had glass in their hair, not to mention that burn throbbing on their cheek.

“No one took them to a healer?” he demanded, outrage evident. Everyone winced.

“The vampire they were fighting with was worse off and—”

He was almost within arms reach of Darlin when those words hit him, his lip curling and his teeth growing. He twisted around to look at the Department officers. “You healed him first?”

“He was worse off—” they started again.

“He’s also a grown ass vampire fighting with a kid in a bar.”

“If you wait another twenty minutes or so—”

Gabe growled and they stopped talking. Darlin hated the small sound that bubbled up at the back of their throat. Gabe turned to look at them again. He’d heard it. Oh shit. He saw the tears in their eyes now too. Oh shit. That was weak. They’d caused all this trouble and made a scene and now they were about to start bawling in front the Department.

“Let’s go,” Gabe said, voice softer than they’d expected. He held out his arm but didn’t reach for them, just directing them toward the door. He stayed between them and the officers too, walking them outside. Darlin held their breath, trying so hard not to cry.

They made it outside at least, trying to fall steps behind Gabe so he could at least pretend not to notice. They pinched at the bridge of their nose, not caring how it tugged at the tight burn on their cheek. Pain in their skin was good, it distracted from the panic in their heart.

“Darlin,” Gabe said, voice so steady. He didn’t sound angry though.

His hand touched their shoulder, stopping their teary blind walk. They’d made it around the building to where his truck was parked in the lot. The street lamps were on even though the sun was getting a softer and softer blue as the sun neared the horizon somewhere through all the buildings. He plucked glass from their hair while they caught their breath and scrubbed the tears from their eyes, trying to get it together. They’d gotten themself into trouble, the least they could do was face it now.

His big calloused fingers touched their cheek so carefully, turning it to look at the burn. He winced a little, like it hurt him, but Darlin thought that had to be a trick of the light.

“I’m sorry,” Darlin got out, shaking but forcing their chin up. “I fucked up.”

Gabe sighed, turning their head from side to side looking for wounds. He swore under his breath and they realized he was looking at the bites, some older and mostly healed. Their shirt had ripped and wasn’t doing a great job of hiding them. “I think we both did, kid,” he said with a quiet growl. “He was…a friend of yours?”

Darlin winced, nodding with a shrug. “I thought he was. I was stupid.”

Gabe exhaled hard and to Darlin’s surprise he pulled them against his chest. He hugged them. “You’re not stupid. You’re young and you’re hurt. Thank god you’re also tough as nails. I was so fucking scared.”

Darlin leaned into him, at first so tense they felt like they’d snap, but he just hugged them. They could hear his heartbeat against their temple. Tears sprang up to their eyes anew and they didn’t understand why. They cried so hard they thought they’d die but he just held on, palming the back of their head and talking low, telling them it was okay.

The sun was up by the time they unraveled and got into the truck. Darlin dragged a deep breath, tired down to their bones now. He started the truck and pulled out of the lot. “So…I’m not in trouble?” they chanced.

Gabe laughed big. “Oh, you’re in so much trouble, kid. You’re basically grounded until you graduate and then maybe another year after that…”

Darlin bit back a smirk. They knew he was exaggerating but it also felt good. Being grounded meant they had someplace to be, right?

“But before that, we’re going to go wake up Marie and get rid of that,” he said, reached to the side to poke at their cheekbone, well above the actual cigarette burn.

Darlin shrugged. “Don’t bother. Scar’s a good reminder.”

Gabe stared for a second.

Darlin tensed. “What?”

He smiled and shook his head. “You’re just so much like David sometimes…”

If anyone else had said it, they would have told them to go fuck themselves, but coming from Gabe, Darlin blushed and looked out the window.

“We’re still going to Marie’s.”

Darlin looked up. “What? Why?”

Gabe glanced at their cheek, frowning again. But it looked more sad than angry. “You don’t need this reminder, kid. You’ve got enough.”

[theskyeandsea]

Seal, Interrupted || Erin, Leah, Morgan, & Skylar

Timing: Backdated to January 8th, 2021

Location: Skylar and Rio’s home.

Tagging: @corpse--diem, @phoenixleah, @mor-beck-more-problems, @theskyeandsea

Description: Erin, Morgan, and Leah stage an intervention. It doesn’t go very well.

TWS: Drug use, addiction, slight body horror, discussions of suicide

Leah glanced at the two women who accompanied her outside of Skylar’s house, an awkward tension filling the air as the three of them waited for her eventual arrival.  She had done all the research she could on successful interventions, and her note cards were safely tucked away in her pockets lest anything go wrong.  They needed to be firm in what they were about to present to Skylar, but also let her know how much they loved and cared for her.  It wouldn’t be easy for any of them, and Skylar might take it the wrong way and shut down even further.  This was all to be expected.  But it was worth the risk if it left even a miniscule chance of Skye finally listening and coming around.  “I hope this works”, she said out loud to neither of them in particular. “I’m not sure what else to do if it doesn’t”.

Morgan had been haunted by Skylar’s distress since that day in the woods. She could see with painful dread what kind of places the girl was heading for. So much so, she considered asking Deirdre along, in case there was a vision they all needed to come to terms with sooner rather than later. But Morgan had swallowed the impulse, deciding that this was something she needed to do on her own.

“I dunno,” Morgan deadpanned. “Shove her into her skin and throw her into the ocean? Unless there’s a supernatural rehab we can send her to that I don’t know about.” Her gaze shifted uncomfortably between Leah and Erin. A gathering of people around a girl who wanted to insist ‘nobody cared’ might go great, or it might zig-zag down some other terrifying, bullshit confirmation-bias thought hole. “So, are we knocking first or am I popping the door handle?”

Dread filled Erin as they stood outside of Skylar’s home. It’d only been a few weeks since she’d been here last but the memory of it left a terrible taste in her mouth. The arguing, the hurtful words exchanged, and the pitiful sight of Skylar, who was just a shadow of a person at that point. “You have to prepare yourself in case it doesn’t.” The words felt harsh as soon as they left her lips but it was the truth. These things didn’t always work and some people couldn’t be helped. She hoped against hope that Skylar wouldn’t fall into that statistic but it wasn’t something she could shake. She glanced briefly between the other two women. “Let’s get this over with?” She said, almost as a question, but she leaned in and knocked sharply against the door. 

These days, life was a listless cycle for Skylar. She’d started sleeping in the bathtub, not bothering with the bed because every time she woke up, the sores on her arms and legs would crack and bleed. She didn’t know what caused them and neither did Gabe-- though she wasn’t sure she trusted him much. He didn’t care much about her, now that she’d started paying him in tears. You selkies are so lucky, you don’t even know it. He’d told her when he’d looked at the vial of tears. Look at that. You distill this shit, you get it all mixed with the right herbs and shit? Liquid amnesia. Make you forget your grandma, it could. He’d swapped the vials for a small packet of pills and two more vials of Bliss. And just the sight of the bright red liquid had been enough for her to feel some measure of relief, her body aching for what the drugs would bring. 

When the knock came at the door, Skylar had been listless in her room, coming out of the comforting nothingness of Daverin. Her limbs were stiff as Dundee tugged at her pant leg, dragging her towards the door with more force than the tiny dog should be capable of. Her fingers found the doorknob clumsily and she pulled it open. Immediately, she wanted to slam the door shut-- Erin, Morgan, Leah. Three of the people she didn’t want to see right now, didn’t want to deal with, didn’t want to hear. “You shouldn’t be here. What’s going on?” She asked, staring at them with dull eyes. 

Leah wanted to chuckle at Morgan’s question, but now seemed like the worst time to laugh.  Instead, she sent her a small smile, her mind still heavy with questions of the morality of what they were doing.  Erin’s words confirmed her worries- there was a big possibility here that it wouldn’t work.  And then, they’d still be stuck.  Possibly with Skylar even more opposed to their help and presence.  Erin bit the bullet for them and knocked on the door, and Leah hated how the unfamiliar anxiety danced in her belly. She didn’t know how it was possible, but somehow Skylar looked worse than last time.  More sunken into herself, more sores coating her arms and legs.  She hoped her face didn’t show how heart broken it made her feel.  “Skye”, she breathed out, reaching forward to graze her arm gently.  Would she accept tears for those sores?  “Can we come in?  There are a few things we’d like to talk about.”

She barely waited for an answer, pushing past Skylar into the house and expecting her companions to follow. She hadn’t been there since their Lift adventure on Skylar’s couch, and dread washed over her at the thought of all the feelings they both experienced that day.  But it was good- Skylar could no longer say nobody understood.  “What’s most important for you to know, Skye, is how much we care about you.”

Morgan followed Leah in, though her demeanor was a little less warm. Warm hadn’t been helpful in the woods. Then again, bluntness hadn’t either. Nor had giving Skylar space and listening to what she claimed she wanted and needed. Everything each of them had tried before now was some sick, logic defying guessing game, and here they were: making the biggest, highest stakes guess of all. Might as well go all-in. Morgan gently guided Skylar into the living room with them, taking a seat so they might all have the sense to do the same. “It’s like this, honey: I’ve been worried since the last time we met about what you’re trying to do, exactly, to make the hurt stop. All of us are. And we want the same thing you do, for you to stop hurting, but this whole self-isolation and convincing yourself you’re all alone and uncared for and destroying your body with these heavy doses of drugs isn’t the way. I mean, if it really was, you wouldn’t have to shut yourself up for it to kind of work sometimes, right? So maybe, together, if you’d just tell us something about what you’re really afraid of and running from—” For once. “—as hard and strange and scary as that might be, we can come up with something that really will make everything better. Because you are loved, Skylar. You wouldn’t have old Christmas gifts piled up and people knocking down your door if you weren’t.”

The three women had gone over a brief plan before arriving, but even now staring Skylar down, hearing that sharp resentful tone in her voice was enough to make her bristle. Made the confidence she’d so carefully built up before this falter just a little. It was too late to go back now, with the two other women stepping into the house. Morgan was already monologuing, taking charge and Erin was grateful for it. She found herself lost for words. Skylar looked… bad. Even worse than she’d seen her just a few weeks ago, and certainly not in a way that gave her much hope. “We just want to help. That’s all we want to do--all we’ve ever wanted to do.” She gave a worried glance between the other two women before landing on Skylar again. “This--us barging in like this is because we’re--” she sighed, shaking her head. “We’re scared for you, kid. I’m really scared. All we’re asking is that you listen.”

Blinking as the women stepped through the door, moving her towards the living room, Skylar stared at them in confusion. Shying away from Morgan’s touch, stepping out of the way with unsteady legs. No matter how gentle Morgan was being, she was still pushing Skylar, still trying to make her do something she didn’t want to do. Skylar distanced herself from the other women, eyes wary as she leaned against the back of one of the arm chairs. “I’ve got all the help I need, I don’t need yours.” She said at Erin, shaking her head. She ignored Morgan, she didn’t want to hear what she was saying. It wasn’t true, wasn’t true at all. And it didn’t matter if she told them what was going on, because it wouldn’t change anything. Nothing would change. She would still be left with her pain and nothing would get better. Because it never had before. The harder she tried to accept herself, to love herself, the more the world had torn her apart. 

It was the tone in Leah’s voice that caught Skylar off guard. The oddly practiced sound of what she’d-- “Is this an intervention?” Skylar said abruptly, tired, weary anger growing inside her. How many times would it take for them to leave her alone, to let her be with her sadness and pain and her burdens? “You think that I need-- I don’t. I don’t want your, your pity or whatever this is. Get out of my house, right now.”

Leah shook her head, staring at Skylar intensely.  This was to be expected.  Skylar would lash out, like she always did.  But they couldn’t take no for an answer- she would listen to what they had to say, whether she liked it or not. “This is not, pity, Skye. This is three people here to show you that they care.  You want so badly to believe that no one is here for you- that no one understands, that no one will listen.”  It’d been something she’d heard Skylar claim countless times before, ever since that first time she caught her buying from that creep in the park months ago.  “I-...we don’t pity you.  We love you.  We’re worried about you.  And we want you to know that there are much better, healthier ways to deal with everything you’re feeling than to f-fucking destroy yourself.”  They were all saying the same thing to Skye, essentially, in their own ways.  One of them had to be the key that would break through.  “You can no longer tell me that I don’t understand what you’re feeling”, she added, her eyebrows raised, waiting for Skylar to challenge them again.

Morgan put a hand on Leah’s shoulder. She’d never heard her swear before and it struck her now that there was a whole other anguished side to this story that she had been too swept up in revenge to notice or ask for. Leah didn’t get worked up like this out of duty or for casual acquaintances. She was doing this, Morgan realized, because she was desperate. “Can you at least explain some things to us, Skye?” She asked. “What it is you think your substance use is giving you? What your plan is for yourself? Because there are probably ways to get whatever it is that don’t involve destroying your whole body or hiding away in this place by yourself. You know you deserve more than that, right? This is so small and so little next to what you could have. Should have. And we, as people who love you very much, unconditionally, want to give that to you. So explain the hurt to us. Explain what it is you’re really after. Let’s figure this out.”

Watching Leah with impassive eyes, Skylar let out a sigh. It was a mistake, to have let Leah push her way back into her life. It was a mistake to not have thrown herself out of the car when she’d had the chance to with Morgan. It had been a mistake to not force Erin out of the house the second she’d shown up to toss a bottle of vicodin down the drain. She’d made so many mistakes trying to keep them away. She was done wanting help, done hoping that things would change. Done trying to put words to why she was doing this. She was tired and all she wanted was for them to leave and let her fade away. “This is what I want.” She said, her voice calm and clear. “This is, it’s the only thing. The only thing that’s ever helped me feel really, actually okay with what I am.” Because when she was coasting on her cocktail of drugs, of mushrooms and Bliss, she didn’t feel anything bad at all. The world was a wonderful place from behind that haze. And when she was on Daverin… it was even better, because the world felt like nothing at all.

“What I should have?” Skylar let out a laugh at Morgan’s words, wry and cold and bitter. I never wanted this life for you. Her father's words, still haunting her, still echoing in her ears. It didn’t matter what people wanted for her, that wasn’t reality. Those were just wishes, broken and useless wishes. “This is exactly what I should have. And you know, Morgan. I saw this. I saw me, like this. Months and months and months ago. At the Hall of Mirrors, I saw exactly what was going to happen.” She said, gesturing to herself. “And I tried so hard to run from it. I tried to love what I am. I tried to be better, for all the people who care about me. But that was a mistake,” Skylar said, a twisting smile appearing on her face, “Because here I am anyways.”

Erin couldn’t understand it. Of course she had no idea what it was like to grow up, thinking you were “normal” only to have something like this thrust on you. Skylar was a seal. A selkie, was what she’d called it. But this was what it had all led to? Whatever she’d seen in those mirrors--another fun White Crest adventure, she could only imagine--had stuck with her. “So you’re just... giving up?” She asked from the other side of the couch, too anxious to do anything but sit at the edge of her seat, ready to pop up or pace. “This is how you’re going to cope?” She edged further off the seat, her eyes on Skylar, shaking her head. “Trying is never a mistake, Skylar. I can’t--relate to what you’re going through, but I understand what it’s like getting tossed headfirst into something you can’t control and you can’t change. Fucking up along the way, doing the wrong thing--that’s bound to happen to any of us, you know? The only mistake you’re actually making is giving up. You can’t change what’s going on with you. But you can change how your reaction to it. You’ve--” she paused, shaking her head, hoping she wasn’t completely fucking this up. This pseudo-intervention was a first for her. “It’d be a mistake to turn down all of these people who love you and just want to help you. Turning us away and just giving up is a mistake.”

“Stars above, Skylar, you deserve love. Some of which is right here, begging you to accept it!” Morgan cried, gesturing between the three of them gathered as if it were obvious. Her voice was gentle even as her eyes appealed emphatically for the girl to listen. “It’s in your soul, Skylar. We love you, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t take that love, but we aren’t the reason you should love yourself. You are. Because you are you, because you simply are. Yes, here you are, always, no matter how far you run. But so what? What on the blessed earth is so bad about loving Skylar? One good reason? And not something you did, because that’s circumstantial. I mean who you are. Because none of us here can think of any reasons. Explain that, please.”

“We know you’re hurting, Skye”, Leah said earnestly, leaning into Morgan’s touch.  “But this hurt isn’t forever.  And what you’re doing is going to make it last longer, and it’s causing people who love you to hurt, as well.” It was a reiteration, in a way, to what Erin and Morgan were saying- that there was so much more out there than  what she was feeling- better feelings and people who loved her, even a life beyond the pain.  She hated that she was crying- the show of vulnerability was something she wasn’t used to in front of someone she knew so little as she did Erin.  Still, it was important for Skylar to see how much this meant to the people she loved.  She watched the younger woman carefully, genuinely interested in her answer to Morgan’s question.  What did she think about everything they were telling her.  Were they being too overwhelming?  The urge to pull a notecard out of her pocket to check that they were doing this perfectly was strong, and she tapped at her leg to forget about it. 

Skylar’s eyes snapped to Erin, the words coming through with clarity she hadn’t felt in days. Weeks even. “‘Trying isn’t a mistake?’” Skylar echoed, her tone bitter and angry. “Trying has only ever been a mistake. Every time, every single time I tried to, to be okay with what I am, with any of this, it only ever hurt me. It doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters and I’ve-- at least this helps. At least I don’t have to feel the world when it takes me apart.” She said sullenly, shaking her head. “Love doesn’t help. Love didn’t save me. It didn’t save my dad and it won’t save me. I saw him, you know. My dad. My real one.” She said. The words were spilling out of her like water from a tap, overflowing from her lips. “He loved my mom and he loved me. And then he took a shotgun blast to the chest. And now he’s dead and stuck and a ghost and I’m-- that’s all that’s left for me. Nothing matters. None of this matters, it’s all… dust. Dust and dirt and blood and death.” Skylar said quietly. “And I don’t want to feel it. Is that really so wrong?”

It was clear how much the other two women in the room also cared for Skylar. Their pleas, their attempts to reach her in some capacity, filled with raw emotion and sincerity. Not that Erin ever doubted it, but seeing it play out was moving. And as the words started spilling from Skylar, it was clear something had reached her too. Good or bad, it’d pushed a button. “Skylar, I’m--I’m so sorry,” she managed after she’d finished. It felt like paled in comparison to the emotions she was displaying, and trying to console someone in this capacity often felt like it fell short, but they were here. They were trying. She didn’t know Leah well, and she cast a wary look her way as she tried to find the courage to say what she wanted to in front of this near stranger. “I--I get it though. I had something similar happen with my dad not long ago. And it fucked me up for a while. I’m still probably messed up from it,” she gave a brief, wry smile and shook her head. “I thought my world had ended and I had no hope and I wanted to give up. I really, really did. But if I’d done that, I wouldn’t be here telling you not to do the same. I’m not saying anything gets magically better or perfect but it’s not always going to feel like… this. I promise you there’s more to life than feeling like this. You just have to give yourself that chance to experience it yourself.”

“I know death, Skylar. And blood, and violence. There’s so much of it, and it’s not fair, and you don’t deserve it, you’re right. I even get wanting to not exist over having to put in another day of that pain. But that doesn’t mean that’s all there is or all there will ever be. There is so much more, worlds more beyond this place,” Morgan said. “You’re just stuck right now. And if you keep freezing and numbing and killing yourself, yes, that’s all that’s going to be left. But that is not how it really is, and it is not how you have to live. There is more and better than this.” She gestured to Skylar’s weary, shrunken state.

If anyone in town could relate to the sheer tragedy that sometimes came when living on this Earth, it was Morgan, and Leah’s heart broke for how much they’d both gone through.  Just as Morgan’s path of revenge had seemed logical to her when she was at her lowest, Skylar’s present path seems like the only option to her.  “We are not saying what you’ve gone through isn’t hard or significant, Skylar”, Leah continued what the other two women were saying.  “But not feeling the realness of the world does not make it go away.  While you’re wasting away in here, the rest of the world is still going on outside- the bad and the good and everything in between.  And you’re missing it, Skylar.  And it’s killing you.  You say love doesn’t solve it, but love doesn’t make it worse, either.”

Skylar pursed her lips together, the skin cracked and split as she stared at them dully. Weeks ago, she would have wanted to believe them. Months ago, she might have. But now? As she stared at them and listened to them talk about suffering and pain and things getting better, Skylar shook her head. “There’s so much pain and death and I don’t. I don’t want it, I don’t want any of it.” She said and let out a laugh at Leah’s words. It was a dark sound. Hopeless, joyless. “Love’s only made things worse. You saw, Leah, you felt everything. How can you say that love makes things better? I loved my parents. I loved my siblings. And they left me. They all left me and I don’t--” Skylar paused before staring at Erin. “Things got better for you. And that’s great. I’m glad for you. But, you keep trying to, to help me and you’re not. I don’t want what you’re offering, I don’t want your help.” Her fingers pressed against the skin of her arm, the scabs a painful reminder of her life. “Leave. Just leave.”

“Leave so you can what, go back to your room and die alone?” Morgan snapped. Her voice cracked sharply with pain. “Because that is what you are fucking doing, Skylar! You are killing yourself, your whole life and everything good you have—and you still do, we’re all right here in your fucking living room—and you are murdering it.” Her eyes welled with tears. This was not in Leah’s notecards or anything else they had discussed. She was shooting them off the rails, which meant she should probably excuse herself from the room, but she couldn’t. Not with this hanging over their heads. “Do you think turning your back on all this hard shit you don’t want to die is easy? Do you think it won’t hurt so bad as giving a shit? Do you think it’s gonna be nice? Because I can tell you how hard it is, Skye. If you wanted to know what it really feels like for your lungs to fail and your heart to stop, all you had to to was fucking ask!” Morgan held herself, trying to stuff her bitter frustration inside. “And just so we are very, very clear—” She croaked, her voice thick with water. “Not one of us is saying that it’ll get better anytime soon. Nothing ‘worked out’ for me and Erin, that’s not why we’re here for you and it’s not why we’re still trying in this miserable little town. You don’t live because it feels nice. You live to have a chance of doing something, to break up the hard parts with something that’s just you, and beautiful. And I would give anything, anything, to have the luxury of playing with the idea of whether or not it’s worth the fight instead of having it ripped away from me on the side of the road.”

Even before Morgan snapped, Erin could feel it--the brick wall. They’d come in here, guns blazing but Skylar stood firm. There was absolutely no give. Just a collision at a million miles an hour. “Morgan,” Erin started slowly, soft in comparison to Morgan’s outburst. She grabbed her friend’s arm gently, trying to steady her as much as she could as the feeling of defeat washed over her. She was tired and suddenly realizing she didn’t have anywhere near enough of the strength or tenacity left to knock down that wall. And even if Morgan or Leah continued, they’d exhaust themselves just from trying. This was the worst part of trying to help loved ones with addictions. There came a time when you had to let them fall or allow them to drag you down with them. Her throat tightened and she felt a burn at the back of her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she started, glancing between the other two women with a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry. She doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t know what else we can do.” Her eyes fell to Skylar’s, and to the visible scabs along her body, the exhaustion paling her skin. She looked like a shadow of the young woman she’d met so many months ago. “We tried. Don’t you ever say we didn’t try or didn’t want to help you, Skylar. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m so scared for you but I can’t help you if you don’t want it.” 

Standing up from the couch felt like accepting a bitter loss and a shame flushed her cheeks. She took one more look over the house, at Dundee sleeping off in the distance, at the other women in the room. She couldn’t look them in the eyes anymore. “I’m sorry guys. I can’t--I gotta go,” she managed as she felt that thickness in her throat tighten even further. Without wasting another moment, she slipped out of the house, her stomach sick, hoping against hope that she was wrong about knowing how this story would end.

As a wave of emotions poured out of Morgan, Leah sat quietly in her own, tear filled eyes boring into Skylar as if she could miraculously force her to take heed to what they were saying.  She placed her hand on the small of Morgan’s back, though she knew the comfort of her touch was unfortunately lost on her friend.  What else was there to say here? How many more times could they cry and plead and beg Skylar to care enough about herself and those she loved to stop this?  Taking a cue from Erin, she grabbed Morgan’s other arm, standing up with the two women in a show of solidarity.  She didn’t blame Erin for leaving, but the silence that she left encompassed them for an uncomfortable beat.  “This isn’t over”, she promised Skylar, her tone as stern as her eyes.  “Do you hear me?  This is not through”.  Despite her words, she slung her bag over her shoulder, trailing out of the house where Erin was waiting outside.  In the pit of her stomach, she felt an ache- a truth urging itself forward whether she liked it or not.  It wasn’t up to her if this was over.  Not to her or Erin or even Morgan.  The decision fell to Skylar, and there weren’t many chances left for her to make the right one.

[magictincan]

Bittersweet Endings

Pairing: Gabriel x Winchester!Reader

Warning(s): Heavy angst, death, use of swearing, small bit of fluff

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: The last Winchester is pushed to her limits as she loses everything, whilst Gabriel battles with the choice of a lifetime, that could ultimately save all of the Winchesters and repair all the pain the world has dealt them. But only if he sacrifices the thing most precious to him.

A/N: I'm so sorry in advance, even as I was writing this, I could feel Gabriel's heart breaking in two and I feel awful that I hurt my favourite boy :( But, it had to be done. Don't get too mad at me, okay?

GIF belongs to @amynagata

He was unsure what to do, head empty of any semblance of a plan. He'd never experienced an emotion like this before, never known what it felt like to have your heart ripped out of your chest before being haphazardly stuffed back in through the gaping chasm that had been left behind. He had never experienced the soundless words falling dryly on his lips, choking on his own tongue in an attempt to soothe the weighing atmosphere of hopelessness and grief. He hadn't known the feeling of drowning in so many emotions that it turned to a numb so crushing it left him gasping for relief.

Never felt as utterly helpless and human as he did right then.

Gabriel watched as the woman he'd come to call his own let out a shrill cry, cursing the heavens for the cruelty of taking away her only flesh and blood. A feeling of uselessness filled his bones as the woman turned to pleading, begging for an ounce of empathy from the almighty forces controlling their existence.

There was nothing he could do. His father had never cared enough to answer his prayers before, and this time was no different. No amount of praying could reverse the fact that he'd failed her.

“Come down here you son of a bitch! And make this right!” She shouted, waving her fist angrily at the sky, determined that someone had to be listening. “After everything, that's the least you could do! You owe it to them!” She added, gesturing wildly at the lifeless corpses of her beloved brothers. “You owe it to me!”

When no answer came, she let out another angry cry before slumping forward and letting the tears overcome her, engulfing every breath she took.

The shaking rise and fall of her shoulders seemed to jolt Gabriel out of his trance, and he cautiously placed a palm to her lower back, rubbing soft circles. Slowly, he bent down, trying his best not to startle her, like he was approaching a stray cat he'd spotted on the street. His free hand wobbled unsurely as he reached out for one of her hands which were busy hiding her face. Carefully, he pried one away from her damp bloodshot eye, causing her to look up at him as he pulled away the other from her right eye. “Gabe-” Her voice cracked as tears once again welled in her e/c eyes. She reached for him, and he understood immediately without any words and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I'm here, darl.” He soothed, resting his cheek against her dishevelled h/c hair. “I'm here.”

Y/N choked out a sob, the tears starting back up again. “Sam, Dean…” She pulled him closer, not wanting Gabriel's warmth to leave her as her brothers had. Gabriel wrapped his arms tighter around the woman, knowing space was the exact opposite of what she needed right now. “I can't believe- I can't believe that they're gone.” She cried, feeling as though everything was crumbling around her.

Gabriel's own eyes dampened as memories of the smiles of the Winchester family flooded his brain, filling him with an overwhelming sense of sadness. “I know, I always thought Dean would go out via pie.” He added in an attempt to ease her crushing grief. Gabriel was glad when he heard her emit a small, breathy chuckle.

Sighing, she dragged herself away from him and swiped at her eyes with her palms. Her gaze turned towards her brothers’ bodies and she sighed again. “I suppose we better give them a proper send-off, before Sam's ghost tries to lecture me on angry spirits.” She joked, although there was no humor in her words.

An uneasy feeling settled in Gabriel's stomach as he watched her stand up, and begin the weighing task of moving Dean's corpse.

He'd seen that look, seen it so much more than he'd like to admit. Seen the scary calmness after traumatic events that often meant a storm was brewing under the surface of her skin. He knew bad things were coming, lurking just beyond the horizon. He knew that there was only one thing fuelling Y/N, and that was a pure and fiery need for revenge and that it would swallow her whole.

Gabriel's mind frantically spun, chanting “save Y/N” rhythmically as his brain whirled. He needed to save her from herself; he couldn't let the cloud of revenge consume her. Revenge was an ugly thing, turning everything good in your life to into just more reasons to drown yourself in seeking justice. Revenge ate at you until there was nothing left but this emotionless husk of the person you used to be.

An idea struck Gabriel, a plan already forming. He'd save Y/N, even if he had to give up everything he'd come to care about. She was worth too much to him to let her turn into someone she wasn't.

“Y/N.” The archangel called out, chin held high, earning Y/N's attention. He knew she wouldn't like his plan, she'd fight him on it, arguing that there was some other way. But Gabriel knew those other ways would only end in more suffering and blood, enough blood that it would rival that of a battlefield.

The woman raised her brows at him, wordlessly prodding him to go on. Gabriel blinked back tears and cleared his throat discreetly, not wanting to worry Y/N. Somehow, she seemed to notice and stood up to move closer. “Gabe.” She soothed, holding her palm to his cheek. Gabriel leaned into her touch, letting his eyes flutter shut, man was he going to miss this. “What's wrong?”

Tears dribbled down his cheek, which he hastily rubbed away with the back of his hand, letting out a humourless laugh. He looked Y/N in her eyes, seeing the worry present. “I love you so much.” He began, the sting of tears building again as his heart throbbed. He hated how painful this was. “Dad only knows how much I love you.” He added, voice breaking. Y/N thumbed away the tear tracks and Gabriel once again let his lids close. How could he look her in the eye and tell her what he was planning?

“Gabe, baby, you know you can talk to me.” She reassured, concern evident in her voice.

Gabriel reminded himself that what he was about to do was for her, so she'd never have to feel a pain so hurtful again. He lifted his hand to cover hers, wrapping his fingers around hers as his whiskey eyes stared into her e/c ones.

For her.

“I've got to do something, something that I know you're not going to like.” He murmured, watching the alarm light up her features. He was really going to miss her beautiful face with her pretty eyes and cutely expressive mouth.

“Gabriel-” She hedged uncertainly, but Gabriel cut her off. He couldn't let her talk him out of this, it was too important.

“I'm so sorry, but I've got to.” He choked, dragging her into a hug. “I'm going to miss you so much.”

Y/N squeezed him back. “Gabe please, you're scaring me.” She drew back and Gabriel got a glimpse at the tears forming along her waterline. “We can talk about this.” She sobbed, finally getting that this was their last goodbye.

Gabriel took a step back, out of her reach. “I'm so sorry Y/N, I'll love you forever and always.”

And with that, Gabriel snapped his fingers, changing and sacrificing everything.

°°°

It'd been exactly twenty four years since Gabriel had saved the life of Mary Winchester, resulting in the Winchester siblings growing up to live a normal apple pie life, never learning the truth about the things that went bump in the night.

As Gabriel often did on the anniversary of the night he'd saved Mary, he went out to grab a drink, and it was for that purpose, that he found himself at the local bar.

Gabriel beckoned a hand towards the bartender, letting him know he'd run out of shots. The bartender in turn held up the empty bottle of scotch Gabriel had been frequenting, shaking it at him before holding up one finger, signalling he'd be back in a minute.

The archangel sighed as the bartender ducked into the back room, watching his retreating figure. He often thought about what had become of the Winchester children. He knew Sam had become a successful lawyer, he even owned a firm and had gotten married to Jessica. He'd heard about a couple of Dean's ceremonies where he'd received medals for his bravery in the line of duty and the likes.

As for Y/N? Well he'd purposely avoided checking in on her. Even thinking about her made his chest hurt. He missed her so much. Her laugh. Her sass. Her kindness. Even the way she organised her dvd collection. Sometimes he wished he'd gotten just a few more minutes with her, but what's done was done.

Gabriel felt a tug on his sleeve and turned to look for the source and suddenly froze like a deer caught in headlights as he caught sight of a very familiar face.

“Uh hi there.” She began, glancing down and playing with her fingers. “I just saw you sitting here all alone and were wondering if you wanted some company.”

He was still in shock as Y/N looked up at him through her lashes and started to panic. “I didn't mean you have to- I don't have to sit here if you don't want.” She flushed, embarrassed that she'd just hit on a complete stranger. Her group of friends sitting at a table nearby giggled.

Gabriel finally remembered how to function and quickly jumped up, grabbing her hands in his. “No, no, no, stay.” He glanced down at their intertwined hands. “I'd like the company.” He added, smiling up at her, earning a bright smile back.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

“Us” (2019) - Thoughts (SPOILERS!)

So I watched Jordan Peele’s “Us” today at the cinema and I just need to get some stuff off my chest about it because I went alone and have no one to discuss it with xD

Please do NOT read if you want to avoid SPOILERS!!!!

This movie creeped the fuck out of me - it wasn’t a particularly jumpscare-filled movie but it was creepy as fuck

So the movie opens with Adelaide going to this funfair/amusement park and wandering off into a house of mirrors. There she meets an exact clone of herself (Red) and she’s not the same since. She’s traumatized and can’t really speak about it, though they say she takes up dance or something as a way to express herself

That opening with the creepy choir music and rabbits? What the fuck? I did not need that nightmare fuel?? :))

I literally had no idea about the amount of tunnels that are apparently under America but woW OKAY THAT’S NOT UNSETTLING AT ALL

Fast forward to present day and she’s an adult with a husband and kids, and they’re at the beach where the above stuff happened, and she’s super freaked out about it.

The Tyler family are literally so white privilege - and I say that as a white person. It’s fucking hilarious. “It’s vodka o’clock” - lmao that really is such a white thing to say

Also the twins?? They were Ross and Rachel’s daughter, Emma, in Friends when they were babies?? 

I actually liked most of the humour to be honest, it kind of lulled you into a false sense of security

Zora pretending to turn off her phone and then continuing to use it once her mom had gone was so relatable tbh

I probably shouldn’t have taken my glasses off and redone my hair at the exact moment the Tethered people showed up because I’m blind as a bat and it was a blur for a full minute whilst I tried to rearrange my goddamn headband

Pluto (Jason’s ‘Other/Tethered’ person) was literally so fucking creepy; maybe it was the mask, maybe the movements, maybe everything put together...but holy S H I T. NIGHTMARE FUEL

The story that Red was telling about the shadow?? Y I K E S. 

Also Red needs to drink some water, it was super unsettling

I’m never going to look at scissors the same way again

Yo the Tylers getting murdered happened so fast WTAF 

Love how we were tricked into “oh they’re out there?? oh no they’re not, haha cool...fUCK o_O”

I probably should not have laughed so hard when Kitty called out to “Ophelia” to “phone the police” and it went “now playing fuck the police” XD

Also “Ophelia”?? I see you with your “Alexa” parody, movie!

Can I just say that the twins and their Tethered selves doing gymnastics freaked me out way more than anything else in any other horror movie yIKES

The scene where Kitty’s doppelgänger (Dahlia I think?) puts on lipstick, goes to hurt Adelaide but then cuts her own face open instead and laughs?? Literal chills, man

Being a gore fan, I really appreciate the sheer amount of blood in this film, 11/10 high-key recommend 

I can’t believe that every time we eat anything, the Tethered versions of ourselves have to eat raw rabbit like??? gross?? definitely not having nightmares about that...

The white people’s boat is called B’Yacht’ch I fucking cannot

Also usually in horror movies, it’s a cliché that the “token black person” dies first but in this film it’s the irritating white people who all die, and all of the black family survive this is good content

The soundtrack is A+

The fight scene/dance duel scene? With the remix of “I got 5 on it”? BEAUTIFUL. POETIC CINEMA I SWEAR

THE TWIST AT THE END BYE

I am so confused and questioning everything I know, what the fuck Jordan Peele

Okay so the “twist” deserves it’s own section because bitch the FUCK

So the huge twist (SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER) is that Adelaide and Red switched places right at the start of the movie - so the person who we think is Adelaide is actually Red, and vice versa

I’m not saying the twist was bad but I kinda knew already that Adelaide and Red were switched at the beginning of the movie - I mean the moment is heavily implied in the trailer!

I think they drop so many hints/clues throughout the film that it starts to add up quickly

First of all, the fact that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red only drinks water and barely eats anything. Like she repeatedly refuses to drink any alcohol too

It’s mentioned that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red doesn’t talk a lot, and at first it’s like “oh it’s the trauma of whatever happened in the funhouse” but then it makes sense that it’s actually Red

Adelaide-who-is-really-Red REALLY did not want to be back at that beach - again you assume it’s because “trauma” but nah, it’s because she knows what she did

The way Adelaide-who-is-really-Red killed one of the doppelgängers was kinda reminiscent of how the Tethered were killing people

The story that Red-who-is-really-Adelaide tells about giving birth to those ‘monsters’ seems oddly human for something supposedly without a soul (since she mentions that the experiments duplicated the human body but they couldn’t do the soul) - and then it’s like “...oh fuck”

Red-who-is-really-Adelaide knows that ‘real’ people eat proper food because she ate it herself; ‘real’ children get proper toys because she did too, etc. 

The reason that Red-who-is-really-Adelaide’s voice is so hoarse/raspy is because Adelaide-who-is-really-Red choked her into unconsciousness before taking her place

To add, Red-who-is-really-Adelaide is the only ‘Tethered’ who can actually talk

The fact that the beginning of the movie shows Red-who-is-really-Adelaide watching an advert for People of America on TV (the people holding hands across the country), it’s on her t-shirt when the switch happens and then that’s exactly what the Tethered start to do. Also, near the end of the film, you see her cutting up those paper-chain-people who are holding hands 

The Thriller t-shirt; right at the end of the Thriller music video, there’s the whole identity question of “is he who we think he is”? (I think)

So, here are a few gripes I had despite overall liking the movie;

It started off kinda slow, which was good in some ways because of tension and character establishment etc, but putting a whole two to three minutes opening credits thing really slowed it down a lot after the opening (though I did like the soundtrack during those credits)

Despite the switch being relatively well-done and a good twist, it just seemed really obvious after seeing the trailer

The twist sort of brought some plotholes but I’m going to bring that up in my question section in a sec since it may be intentional (you’ll know what I mean in a second)

I feel like a few times during the film, it was building up tension to be terrifying/scary but then the “punch”, as it were, came too soon to reach its full potential - like it peaked a tad too early

Finally, questions I have after the movie! (and boy, do I have questions)

Does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide not know that she’s not one of the Tethered? Did she forget completely? Like why does she want and plan to kill all “normal” humans? She must retain SOME memory because she talks about food/toys, plus the People of America/holding hands thing. 

Also does Adelaide-who-is-really-Red not remember that she’s one of the Tethered at all before the end of the film? 

The Tethered are all shadows of the “normal” people (for lack of a better phrase), so why is Adelaide-who-is-really-Red able to a) speak normally, b) dance so well, c) move more “normally”? And why does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide not move “normally” (eg. the dance parallel) when she’s “normal”?

^^ I wonder if over time they both forgot or repressed those memories, and only fragments remained. And then Adelaide-who-is-really-Red only remembers at the end that she’s actually a Tethered-person.

Adelaide-who-is-really-Red is a Tethered-person, right? So does that mean that the “normal” Zora and Jason are half-Tethered? Is that why they manage to survive so well or...?

Why does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide want to kill everyone in the outer-world? Is this supposed to reflect not separating “us” vs “them” or something? She clearly got loose from being cuffed to the bed, so why didn’t she escape after and go back home?

^Also, who uncuffed her? And why? Was it the Tethered?

Sometimes it’s like the Tethered completely mirror the “normal” versions, and then other times they don’t. Which is it? Why?

What happens next?? What is the purpose of the Tethered all holding hands in a line? What are they hoping to achieve? Are they trying to send a message?

Jason seems to realize that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red is...well, actually Red - and so does she now. What impact does this have? Is she going to go crazy and kill her family? 

Do Tethered have feelings? Or emotions? Because Adelaide-who-is-really-Red married Gabe so...? You know?

Is the fact that neither of them remember the switch that well/they both adapted supposed to signify that souls aren’t a real thing?? Because supposedly that’s what the Tethered lack?

Are there Tethered for ALL of America or just Santa Cruz? And what about the rest of the world? Do I have a Tethered-version of myself??

Finally, if there is a Tethered version of me out there, I’m sorry for eating so much since that means you’ve had to eat a fuck ton of raw rabbit :’( Please don’t kill me, we can be friends!

Overall, though, I did enjoy the movie! :)

[mikauzoran]

Adrienette Drabble Twenty-Four: Request

Gabriel really wanted to akumatize someone. Honestly, he needed the stress relief because the deadlines were closing in on him, and the backers kept changing their minds, and he was about ready to tear his hair out.

He briefly considered taking up yoga or meditation. He’d read something about those being good for stress in one of the books about anxiety he’d read to help Adrien.

Gabriel looked down at his screen and sighed. He’d been working on this last-minute project for the past three hours, and he really needed a break. He couldn’t take a break if he wanted to go to sleep at a decent time. 

He really wanted to go whine at Nathalie. She would have something constructive to say.

He was also tempted to go find Plagg. Plagg had elevated kvetching to an art form, and Plagg would definitely have a snarky and poignant remark that would make Gabriel’s personal deadline hell a bit more bearable.

It was at this time that Gabriel was surprised to find himself thinking about Nooroo. The little kwami had always been so…oddly enough, supportive. Tentatively encouraging Gabriel…only to be snapped at, fussing over Gabriel’s health and well-being (to be forcibly silenced), worrying when Gabriel pushed himself too hard, hesitantly trying to comfort Gabriel when he failed time and time again…Nooroo had been unwavering in his dedication to his master. And Gabriel had treated Nooroo as a tool, a thing with no thoughts or feelings.

Gabriel had never thought of kwamis as sentient beings before meeting Plagg, and now—

There was a knock at the atelier door.

“Come in?”

Adrien tentatively peeked his head inside. “Hi, Dad. Is now a good time?” 

Adrien mentally crossed his fingers because it hadn’t been a good time the past week and a half, and now he only had two hours until he had to leave if he were going to go.

Gabriel looked down at the urgent email that required an immediate response. He pursed his lips. “Is this important?”

Adrien wilted slightly and was forced to admit, “…No. No, it’s not important. I just had to ask your permission for something.”

“Then why don’t you ask Nathalie?” Gabriel proposed, delighting in the fact that he now had an official co-parent in his fiancée to whom he could cede authority without society criticizing him for neglecting his child.

“I already did,” Adrien begrudgingly confessed.

Gabriel’s brow creased in confusion. “And…?”

“She said yes, but then she said I needed to go ask you because you would most likely say no,” Adrien informed out of the side of his mouth, reluctantly releasing the information.

“Can this wait?” Gabriel looked back down at his screen and the additional emails that had arrived that he’d need to deal with. “I’m actually quite busy at the moment, and I don’t really have time for—”

Gabriel stopped dead when he realized he was about to tell his son that he didn’t have time for him.

Gabriel closed his mouth, really looked at Adrien—hopeful yet not truly believing, battered dog wondering if he was going to get kicked this time—and sighed. “Give me ten minutes to finish this email correspondence. Can this wait ten minutes?”

“Yes, Father,” Adrien replied, brightening incrementally.

“All right. Go wait for me in the dining room in the seating area. If I’m not there in ten minutes, please come back and remind me that part of the reason I’m even running this fashion empire in the first place is to provide for my son. I get caught up in the work and forget sometimes,” Gabriel confessed with a weary sigh.

Adrien grinned, practically glowing at being reminded that he was important. “Thanks, Dad.”

It was concerning how easy it was to make that boy happy.

 “All right,” Gabriel sighed, taking a seat across the coffee table from Adrien. “What did you need to ask my permission for that Nathalie thinks I’m going to veto?”

Adrien bit his lip. “So…there’s this party.”

“Oh,” Gabriel groaned. “I see.”

“Yeah,” Adrien sighed.

“Keep talking,” Gabriel urged. “I’ll try to be open-minded.”

“Chloé’s throwing a graduation party tonight since…well, you know. We graduated high school this morning,” Adrien continued awkwardly.

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek. “How many people are going to be there?”

“One or two hundred-ish?” Adrien guesstimated. “The people from our year mostly and their dates and plus ones.”

Gabriel nodded. “And where is this party taking place?”

“Chloé rented a boat. They’re going to do the same stretch up and down the Seine as the bateaux mouches from the Eiffel Tower to just past Notre Dame.”

“And will there be drinking?” Gabriel continued his investigation.

Adrien winced. “Well…we’re all eighteen now, so…”

“If you were allowed to go, would you be drinking?” Gabriel changed the question.

Adrien opened his mouth to vehemently deny any intention of wrongdoing, but Gabriel cut him off.

“—Don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear. How am I supposed to trust you on your own if we can’t sit down and honestly discuss expectations and guidelines and-and…I forget what else the parenting guidebooks said, but the gist of it was that you were supposed to be able to tell me you were thinking about having sex, and then I was not to overreact and forbid it and lock you in your room as would be my natural inclination, but I was instead to make sure that you were having safe sex instead of going behind my back. I assume that the same principles apply to allowing you to go to parties or karaoke or what have you.”

Adrien winced again, trying not to think too hard about this very awkward conversation they were having. “Okay. Fine. So if you let me go to the party, I’ll probably sip at a glass of wine or two depending on if there’s food to have with it, but, regardless, I’m not going to get drunk because I know being drunk in public is against the rules for very good reasons. Even if it weren’t, I can’t get drunk because what if there’s an akuma? I have to be sober enough to fight. If I’m not, who’s going to protect Ma—My Lady?”

Gabriel nodded slowly. “That’s…very mature of you.” His son seemed to be constantly surprising him now that Gabriel took the time to notice.

Adrien shrugged. “A lot of people count on me to keep them safe; I don’t have the luxury of being a stupid teenager. Besides, I’d never forgive myself if I were irresponsible and something happened to Ladybug because of it…. I love her too much to risk it.”

Suddenly, from the look in Adrien’s eyes and the expression on his face, Gabriel thought he knew who Ladybug was, and it was a very scary thought.

“Wouldn’t you do the same for Mother or Nathalie?” Adrien tried to make Gabriel understand, not knowing the truth of how far exactly his father had gone for Emilie.

“Of course,” Gabriel replied softly. “…So…I gather that I don’t need to worry about your comportment, if I allow you to go to this party?”

“I don’t think so. I’m not advertently going to get myself on the front of the gossip rags. I was just planning on dancing and chatting with friends. And, I mean, it’s been years since I’ve done a boat ride down the Seine, so that sounded like fun,” Adrien tentatively made his case.

Gabriel snickered, “So no dancing on tables or singing in public tonight?”

Adrien’s face went strawberry red. “There was no table dancing the other night either,” he protested. “I know that if I want to dance on tables, I’ll have to do so as Chat Noir because Adrien Agreste would never get away with it.”

“Is dancing on tables something you would be interested in?” Gabriel had to wonder.

Adrien pursed his lips in thought for a moment before replying. “…Yes? It looks like fun.”

“…Don’t they often dance on tables in musicals? Perhaps we could find you a suitable musical to participate in,” Gabriel offered, trying to be supportive without having a solid grasp of how one managed that.

Adrien stared at his father, wondering how the man had transformed so much in such a short amount of time and, furthermore, why. Had it been because of Adrien’s struggles as of late? If Adrien had known that all it would take to get his father’s attention would be to have a mental breakdown, Adrien would have done so years earlier.

“I…would really, really like that,” Adrien replied in a small voice that hinted at how afraid he was to believe the proposal was a genuine one, lest he wind up disappointed yet again.

“Perhaps the four of us can watch some musicals together to try to find a good fit?” Gabriel suggested. “If Plagg doesn’t mind musicals.”

Truthfully, the prospect of theatre coming back into his life without Emilie along with it was an uncomfortable one for Gabriel, but…if it was important to Adrien…if theatre was something Adrien really wanted to do…

“Could we actually?” Adrien gawked openly at his father. “You’d be okay with that?”

Gabriel shifted, unsettled. “I’ve decided to work on being okay with it. If you’re serious?”

Adrien nodded. “I’ve always loved acting. These past few years…” He swallowed down the upwelling emotion. “I’ve missed it. I would really like acting to be a part of my life again, even without…”

Gabriel took a deep breath. “…Your mother would be proud of you. She…Emilie could chatter on about plays for hours…. I’m sorry that she’s not here to share this with you. I’m sorry that I can’t…can’t talk about theatre like she could.”

Adrien shook his head and smiled softly. “It’s okay, Dad. It’s not your fault.”

Gabriel was about to reply that it really was, even if Adrien couldn’t understand that at the moment, but Plagg poked his head out of Adrien’s shirt collar and fixed Gabriel with a knowing look.

“Gabe,” Plagg intoned. “What have we been talking about? Emilie isn’t your fault, okay?”

Gabriel grumbled in dissent. “We shall have to continue our debate on the subject of what exactly I am to be held accountable for at a later date, Plagg, as we still find ourselves in disagreement.”

“I’m going to win this debate,” Plagg warned. “But not in front of the kid.”

Gabriel gave a snort, and Plagg disappeared back down Adrien’s shirt out of habit.

Adrien furrowed his brow. “Do I want to know?”

“I don’t know,” Gabriel answered honestly. “You’d probably want to know but then regret knowing. I’ll tell you in a few years, though. If or when you ever decide to move out. It will perhaps be easier to tell you if you’re leaving anyway.”

Adrien’s frown deepened. “Now I’m concerned. You haven’t killed anyone, have you?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Gabriel’s eyebrows inched together almost imperceptibly…because he had. All the people killed when akuma destroyed buildings. All the people drowned when akuma put Paris underwater. The people frozen when Paris was encapsulated in ice. Adrien. Gabriel had killed Adrien so many times, it made him sick to even think about it.

Gabriel needed to buy Marinette some really high-end supplies in order to thank her for handing Gabriel his own behind and reviving his son so many times.

“Dad?” Adrien eyed him warily.

“No one is currently deceased by my doing,” Gabriel finally replied. “…Where were we?”

Adrien bit his lip, studying his father for a moment longer before shaking off the odd occurrence. “I was wondering…why did I never get in trouble for karaoke last week? I deliberately misled you and did something I knew you wouldn’t approve of.”

Gabriel took a deep breath and switched the cross of his legs. “That. Is a good question. By all rights, I should have grounded you and taken away privileges. The guidebooks recommend punishing you with the natural and logical consequences of your actions, so I was thinking I should say no the next few times you asked to do something to show you that when you’re dishonest with me, you lose my trust.”

“Sorry,” Adrien mumbled, casting his eyes downward.

“That makes two of us,” Gabriel sighed softly, his words painted with remorse. “I was disappointed that you felt the need to be dishonest with me. I know we’ve historically struggled with communication, but I thought we were doing better lately.”

“I really wanted to go,” Adrien whispered plaintively at his feet. “I was having a tough day at school. I gave eating in the lunchroom with Nino and Chloé and Sabrina another shot, and…it was pretty stressful, so, later, when Nino suggested karaoke with the gang…I really wanted to go,” Adrien repeated. “And you would have said no.”

“Of course I would have said no,” Gabriel sighed. “And I would have been wrong.”

Adrien cautiously looked up, a dozen questions in his gaze. “Really?”

Gabriel nodded. “You are aware that we monitor social media for mentions of you, yes?”

“Of course.”

“Apparently, Nathalie was informed not long after you arrived at the bar that you had been sighted there. She analyzed the situation and made the decision not to inform me until three quarters of the way into the night. I was exceedingly displeased, as I’m sure you can imagine; however, Nathalie interceded on your behalf. The feedback on social media was overwhelmingly positive. There was no dancing on tables or public displays of intoxication. The song choices, while full of sexual undertones were not explicitly or inappropriately sexual. You were behaving well, and you even sang well. No disgrace brought upon the company. No stain on your own reputation. Just…you being a normal teenager. It was almost as if you were a mature young adult who could be trusted to go out in public unsupervised. Nathalie showed me the videos and pictures, and I was proud of you.”

It took Adrien a minute to formulate an answer through his shock. “Really?”

“Yes,” Gabriel insisted, meeting his son’s gaze. “I was proud of how you could go out and have fun but still make responsible choices on behalf of yourself and the company. It reflects well on how Emilie and Nathalie raised you. I was proud that, even though you’ve been somewhat more restricted than your peers throughout your life, you didn’t take advantage of your newfound freedom and go wild as soon as you were able. And while I still am not comfortable with the idea of you going out to bars and such establishments, it’s good to know that I can trust you to go and beave in a manner befitting yourself and your family. I never would have known that if you had been completely honest about your plans.”

“So that’s why you didn’t say anything,” Adrien muttered in understanding.

Gabriel nodded. “I didn’t want to condone your dishonesty by praising you for your actions, but it would have been wrong to punish you for doing something that, as a technical adult, you had the technical right to do.”

“So…the party tonight?” Adrien inquired tentatively.

Gabriel pressed his lips into a thin line. “While you have proven that you can be trusted to comport yourself appropriately in an informal social setting…I still have my reservations about allowing you to attend this event. Is Miss Dupain-Cheng going to be there?”

Adrien winced. “Maybe? Chloé said she’d invited the whole year, so I assume Marinette was invited, but it’s not like I’ve been able to ask her about whether she’s going. I haven’t spoken with her since she called me a week ago, so…” Adrien gave a half-hearted shrug.

Gabriel’s frown deepened. “Well, which friends are you going to be spending the party with? I suspect Miss Bourgeois will be busy with her hostess duties and will not be able to spend the entire evening with you. How about Miss Raincomprix?”

Adrien’s shoulders rose up to meet his ears. “Sabrina doesn’t exactly…like me. She’ll be nice and hang out with me if we’re together with Chloé, but I doubt she’d spend time with me on her own.”

“Is there a reason she doesn’t like you?” Gabriel pried, wondering if there was anything he could do to fix it for his son. “Did you two have a fight?”

Adrien gradually shrank further. “So…Sabrina doesn’t like it when other people are around Chloé. She gets kind of jealous, so the fact that I’ve been friends with Chloé longer bothers her, and now that Chloé and I are spending time alone without Sabrina…”

Gabriel raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Does Miss Raincomprix not understand that it is possible to be friends with more than one person at a time?”

Adrien averted his gaze. “Okay, so…pretend that Sabrina is Chloé’s boyfriend and Chloé is spending all this time and being affectionate with another guy—me. Does that make the situation make more sense?”

Gabriel’s eyes widened. “Does…Is…Is Miss Raincomprix Miss Bourgeois’s…boyfriend?”

Society nowadays disconcerted Gabriel at times. Emilie would have smacked him for being a homophobe, but Gabriel couldn’t help but feel that two women dating each other wasn’t quite right.

Adrien shook his head like a dog shaking off water. “Chloé isn’t interested in Sabrina like that. She likes guys…I think…and Ladybug…and maybe Kagami, if Elise is to be believed…but Chloé doesn’t like Sabrina, and I don’t even know that Sabrina actually has those kinds of feelings for Chloé either, but the situation between Sabrina and me is a similar kind of hostility.”

“I…see.” Gabriel did not, really. “So…is Miss Tsurugi going to be attending?”

Adrien kept averting his gaze. “Uh…Chloé invited her, even though she doesn’t go to our school, but Kagami’s mother said she couldn’t go.”

Gabriel nodded. “Was Miss O’Leary invited? I realize she is not a student at your school either, but I’ve noticed that you, Miss O’Leary, Miss Bourgeois, Miss Tsurugi, and Monsieur Lahiffe have been spending time together often as of late.”

Adrien nodded. “Elise was invited, but she already had plans with her dad’s family visiting from Ireland, so she’s not going to be able to make it.”

Gabriel’s brow scrunched. “Then…whom are you to be spending the evening with? Miss Césaire?”

Adrien grimaced. “She’s…probably going to be with Marinette if she’s there. I mean, I’m guessing Alya will be there because Nino is DJing, and Alya never misses one of his gigs, so if Marinette isn’t at the party I’ll hang out with Alya, but…”

“So…you’ll primarily be spending the party with Monsieur Lahiffe?” Gabriel tried to pin down the answer.

Adrien shrugged. “Nino will be busy working. Chloé is actually paying him to DJ, so he probably won’t have a lot of time to spend with me, but I can hang out near the DJ booth, and we can talk between songs.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to ask a question that had been buzzing in the back of his mind since he had seen photos of his son dancing with Nino Lahiffe a week and a half before…but Gabriel lost his nerve to ask.

“What?” Adrien’s brow creased. “What’s that face for?”

Gabriel opened and closed his mouth twice more before managing to form the words, “What exactly is the nature of your relationship with Monsieur Lahiffe?”

Adrien’s eyebrow arched. “Nino’s my best friend. Why?”

Gabriel’s eye twitched. “Well…he’s always been very protective of you…very vocal about how not a good parent I am…and I know he and Miss Césaire have been dating for some time, but…the videos of you two singing together…and the pictures of you dancing…it just…it looks a little…intimate, to put it delicately.”

“O-Oh.” Adrien blushed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “You think? Um…Well…Nino’s just a friend, so…do friends not…act like that? Nino, Alya, Marinette, Chloé, Elise, and Wayem are all really affectionate, and those are the only close friends I’ve ever had besides Kagami, and I just thought she was different because of her Japanese upbringing, so…”

Gabriel bit his lip, wondering if his son was right. Gabriel hadn’t had many close relationships himself, and he wasn’t exactly familiar with how young people interacted. “Perhaps you’re right,” Gabriel conceded. “Perhaps that is how people of your generation express friendly affection, but to someone of my age, two young men hanging on each other like that is…”

“Is…this a problem?” Adrien inquired, voice shaking with nerves, a cold panic on his face.

Gabriel thought carefully before responding. “Not…necessarily…. Adrien…do you…are you…interested in men?”

Adrien choked, spluttering, “I mean… No?” He winced. “Not…like that. I know there are a bunch of different labels; I’m not sure which one applies to me, but while I do find men attractive from the waist up, I’m not interested in sleeping with guys, so…okay?”

“…Okay.” Gabriel nodded. “Thank you…for talking about that with me.”

“Sure.” Adrien shifted uncomfortably. “You’re welcome.”

“Adrien?” Gabriel called hesitantly.

Adrien cocked his head to the side.

“I would love you anyway,” Gabriel assured. “If you did…if you were… I would still love you,” Gabriel stressed, trying to get his point across even as he tripped over his words. “I just don’t think I could…accept…your boyfriend, if you were to have a boyfriend. The parenting guidebooks say that I cannot forbid you from dating men, but…I would very much like to forbid you from dating men.”

Adrien smiled sadly. “I don’t foresee this being a problem. There’s only one person I’m interested in dating, so…”

Gabriel swallowed hard. “R-Right. Okay…. Good.”

There was an awkward beat before Adrien took it upon himself to steer the conversation back to less treacherous waters. “So…party?”

“Right.” Gabriel cleared his throat. “Adrien, I’m not so sure about this. Maybe if the party were on a stationary vessel or if more of your friend group were going to be present or if Miss O’Leary were there to supervise, but…I’m not sure that it’s a good idea for you to be trapped onboard with no way to escape as Adrien in case something happens that upsets you.”

“Please?” Adrien begged. “I’ll be fine. Plagg will be with me.”

“Kid, I’m always with you,” Plagg scoffed. “Fat lot of good it does most of the time. I’m not so sure about this party either.”

“Come on,” Adrien wheedled. “It’s probably going to be the last chance I have to hang out with all of my schoolmates before we go off our separate ways for university and life and everything. Even if it’s challenging and makes me a little anxious like eating down in the lunchroom, I still want to go.”

Gabriel reached up to run a hand through his hair. “I’m going to regret this,” he sighed.

Adrien brightened. “I can go?”

“You may go,” Gabriel groaned, taking off his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. “But you call me if there’s any kind of issue at all. I’ll be up half the night working on this project anyway, so don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Dad! You rock!” Adrien cheered, bouncing to his feet.

Gabriel reluctantly stood. “I’m not so sure about that…. You know the rules?”

“No drinking to excess, no making out with anyone in public, always be courteous and polite,” Adrien listed. “behave in a way that reflects well on the company and the Agreste name, always act as if you’re on camera because you just might be…” Adrien cocked an eyebrow at his father. “Am I forgetting anything?”

Gabriel smiled wanly. “I think that will suffice for tonight. Please be safe, and please, please have a good time.”

“I’ll do my best,” Adrien assured, secretly delighting in the fact that his father had just said “please”—a previously unheard of word—three times in the same sentence. “You know, providing Chloé doesn’t get anyone akumatized.”

“She’s gotten better about that in recent years,” Gabriel remarked, walking with Adrien out into the foyer. Lila had been picking up the slack.

“Yeah, but she’s still got a higher body count than almost anyone, and all her usual victims will be in attendance, so…”

“Well, maybe you’ll get lucky and Papillon will stay quiet a little longer,” Gabriel offered.

Adrien hummed softly. “I wonder if he’s on an extended holiday or something…. Is it totally weird that I kind of miss him?” Adrien glanced hesitantly up at his father.

Gabriel winced. “What? Are you bored? There are dozens of much safer things to do than fighting supervillains. Don’t miss Papillon.”

Adrien shrugged, making for the staircase up to his room. “Thanks again, Dad!”

Gabriel watched his son go, praying this party wasn’t a mistake.

[hirohamadugh]

THE ENHANCED

  Part 3! | Part 2

          Elliot had come and gone, recording Issac’s first temperature, blood pressure, pulse, and respiratory rate. Physically, he looked closer related to Chris than he did to either Hailey or Issac, but had jet black hair and a more burly body build. Food had been offered, and ultimately left in the room for Issac when he turned it down. He may have never eaten before, but he just didn’t have an appetite. Too much was going on; thoughts constantly swam and wrestled for the forefront of his attention, giving him a grueling headache and intense dizziness. It almost felt like his brain was trying to make up for the lost 20 years of activity it should’ve gotten before being as developed as it was.

           The brown haired boy fell onto his back against his bed, puffing out a heavy exhale as he covered his eyes. He crinkled his nose in a small grimace at the throbbing pain that threatened to burst out his temples, his mind working overtime in a desperate attempt to file away all this new knowledge and experience. “…So is life always this ouch, or just at the start?”

           You mean ‘painful’, Hailey kept to herself as she looked over at him with pity; she’d been trying not to stare or ask too many questions, figuring he might be wanting to sort things out on his own for now. As much as she loved all of the enhanced for being the only family she’d ever had, whenever Gabriel had hovered over her in the beginning it was very overwhelming. She already had him in her mind for what few of his memories she retained, so to have him all up in her business physically, too… it was just too much to handle sometimes. And that was merely from bits and pieces: Issac had way more memories than she ever did back then, so he must be feeling that a thousand times over. “I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, swinging her legs over the edge of her own bed to face him. “Too many thoughts?”

           “Way too many.” Issac took another hefty inhale, feeling his chest swell up as it filled with air before he forcefully expelled it again.

           “Sorry,” Hailey spoke almost sheepishly, unable to help feeling at fault for his pain. But now she understood why Gabe had been so all-over-her back then: it can be very scary to see someone you assisted to bring into this world struggling when you know you can do something to help. “Try to think about one thing at a time. Remember when I hadn’t learned food etiquette yet and I grabbed two fistfuls of spaghetti and put them on my head, saying I looked like Gabe now?”

           This garnered a small snicker from Issac, and even if it was brief, Hailey was ecstatic that she was able to distract him from the overwhelming storm of voices. It was something that always made her smile, looking back.

           “That was so embarrassing once I learned better,” he laughed, before averting his eyes. “Before… you learned better, I mean.”

           “You learned from that too,” she consoled, sliding off her bed and crossing the room to flop beside him horizontally onto his.

           Issac closed his eyes, back to his somber state of confusion and overthinking. “I hope this doesn’t come off wrong, but it’s just hard,” the boy trailed off, wincing again like he had earlier. “Knowing everything about me isn’t… actually about me at all.”

           “I get that. I can relate my experiences to an extent, but it’s nothing you don’t already know. And honestly, that must suck.” Hailey turned her head to face him, a small amount of bittersweet sorrow painted across her features. “You’ll figure it out. You have the biggest problem-solving center in your frontal lobe out of all of us. Plus, you’re already starting to be yourself, not me.”

           He twisted his head as well, confused. “What do you mean?”

           “Well for starters, I would’ve never turned down a Chris-prese salad.” The girl smiled teasingly, leaping to her feet and taking the liberty to pop a slice of his untouched mozzarella into her mouth.

           Issac rolled his eyes in amusement at the sudden turn in conversation, sitting up now. “Take the whole thing. The vinaigrette has been stinking up the room anyways.”

           “Really?!” Hailey beamed at the offer, a small glint of mischief twinkling in her amber eyes. “I read about this off-handedly once in the Typical Human Behavior archive on our learning database, I think people call it… A middle of night snack? I’ve never had one before!!” She happily scooped up the plate and Issac’s fork, stabbing a Sycorax-grown grape tomato and popping it between her teeth. “This is so spontaneous and un-regulated!”

           The newborn chuckled, raising an eyebrow at her erratic behavior. “If I had known giving you the go-ahead to have it would make you that happy, I would’ve done it much earlier.”

           “It’s not just the salad,” she explained, pushing another small tomato around with the fork. “It’s the fact I’m doing this on my own behalf.”

           “Yeah,” Issac nodded very slowly, starting to understand. His shoulders sank as he kicked his feet in the air over the edge of his bed, deep in thought once more. “They really do kinda control everything around here, huh?”

           The tanned girl finished off his small portion, setting the dish on her small bedside table. “They also gave us everything,” she reminded him, wiping her hands on her gray pants. “Food, a place to live, knowledge, the best healthcare anyone could ask for, life,” She puckered her lips to one side, before meeting his eye contact. “This is the life we were born into, so no sense in being upset. Certainly could be worse, you know?”

           When he remained silent, Hailey sighed quietly to herself and stifled a yawn. “I think I’m going to head to bed. You should too, your first breakfast at the caf with the rest of us is at 8:30AM.” She climbed into her bed and stole one last peek at her brother, worried about how he would handle his first night, but well aware she’d done everything she could.

           “Goodnight,” he said softly, breaking his zone-out and offering a small reassuring smile, one that fell as soon as she turned out the lights and wished him a goodnight back. His pupils dilated to adjust to the lack of light as he stumbled around the foot of his bed to their shared bathroom and shut the door. Inside he turned on the dim room’s light, resting the heels of his hands on the corners of the sink and leaning some of his weight onto them. Issac stared long and hard at his reflection, this being the first time he’s really gotten a good look at it. He scanned every last detail of his face, taking in all the different curves and crevices the muscles made as he moved his jaw, twitched his nose, raised his eyebrows, anything. His skin was the same exact shade and undertone as Hailey’s, most likely due to all the common genetic data they were comprised of. His hair fell almost to his shoulders, and tickled the back of his neck whenever he moved his head. Tearing his gaze away from himself, Issac began to rummage through the drawers for a hair tie, remembering seeing them somewhere in here from Hailey’s upload. Finding a solid black one in the back-corner of one of them, he pulled his hair back into a tiny low pony just to keep it out of his face. His head was still over-congested with Lunch is at 12:30 every day the past tense of run is ran when introducing yourself to someone new the proper response is to shake their hand Sycorax is a biotechnology company investing in the future of this planet I like the lavender scented soap the best plant cells have stiff cell walls and large vacuoles that animal cells do not Chris is the oldest of any of us and Liv’s clear favorite Derek has been in quarantine for 3 days now due to his genetic makeup failing tomorrows dinner is pasta primavera the four main macromolecules are proteins carbohydrates nucleic acids and lipids bacterial cells don’t have a nucleus-

           Issac squeezed his eyes shut, trying to find any sort of silence in the screaming competition for attention within his mind. He shook his head violently in attempt to physically rid the thoughts, but only managed to let loose some stray hairs that had fallen out of his tie. Who are you? All you’ve ever known is Hailey, and you’re not her, he mentally told his pained reflection, who looked like it was cracking under the weight of a million burdens. How could you ever be someone else than what you are right now?

           The boy shoved the faucet’s handle on and frantically splashed the brisk water onto his face, dribbling it all over his shirt as well as he desperately tried to rip himself from this downward spiral into panic. The bitingly cold liquid seemed to kickstart his lungs again, which he hadn’t even realized weren’t working. Issac gasped in a deep breath of air, feeling how he did when he was ripped out of the growth pod all over again. His eyes refocusing from their hazy blur, he couldn’t help but notice soft red glow was pulsating from the nape of his neck, just on the inside of his collar. Issac pulled it out to its full stretching capacity, the confusion actually doing more good than harm as it provided him with something to focus his attention on. Panic button, he quickly assessed, and it was sending out a signal about his extremely elevated blood pressure and labored breathing, no doubt. Not wanting it to report this personal moment for all to see and possibly be in trouble with Ms. Amara, Issac nimbly slipped the shirt off his body and let it fall to the floor in a heap, the red alert dulling until it completely stopped- no longer attached to a body to sense emergency signals from

His chest still expanding and compressing heavily, the boy stole one last glance at himself before shutting off the bathroom light and climbing up into his bed. Even though he’d never experienced it before, Issac instinctively knew he was a creature of comfort, and sought it out by swaddling himself in the provided blankets. He forced himself to close his eyes and hoped as hard as he could that the thoughts would stay quiet just for this one calm moment. His muscles listened and soon relaxed as well, succumbing to the great exhaustion both mentally and physically he’d endured.

           Day one of being alive: Done. And Issac could only hope it would get easier from here.

[recreatemu]

bff’s for the win ➝ chatzy

who: kelsie and savannah

setting: feb 11th., night

possible trigger(s): n/a

KELSIE didn’t think it was possible to be this mad but here she was standing outside the school, not caring if she would get in trouble. Arguing over text with Gabe she eventually just threw her phone and Barrie’s her face in her hands, trying to not cry. Hearing someone walk up behind her, she wiped at her face before noticing it was Savannah. She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want them to get that from her. She didn’t even want to care but here she was. Turning to her best friend she wrapped her arms around her and tried to catch her breath. “Will you help me throw all his stuff outside and cut holes in all her clothes?”

SAVANNAH wrapping her arms around her best friend whenever she walked up to her, she took in a deep breath. She didn’t expect this in the slightest. Why would he do that with her sister and better yet why would her sister do that? Holding onto her tightly, she rocked her slowly in her arms and pressed her lips against her cheek. She felt angry, she was angry. Someone hurt her best friend and that wasn’t what she wanted at all. She just wanted her best friend to be happy. Hearing her request, she bit on her lip and the pulled back to kiss her forehead. “I will always do that, of course. We can burn his and cut hers. Do you want to come stay with me, babe?” She whispered, kissing his forehead softly.

KELSIE tried to smile up at her as she spoke to her because she really was too good for her but she was just in a crappy mood. Wiping at her eyes she sighed. “I would love to. I just need to get my stuff so I never have to see them again. Do you think your mom would adopt me?” She asked with a small chuckle but honestly, she’d be okay if she did. Looping her arm with hers she walked with her to her car and got in as she did. Sitting behind the wheel she turned to her and grabbed her hand. “Can we just date and have a foursome with the Hudson brothers because apparently, that’s a thing people do,” she asked annoyed as she kissed her hand. “I’m soaking wet, I hate my life,” she sighed as she pulled her hoodie off to just leave her in her bra.

SAVANNAH watched as she tried to smile and she felt her heart strings tug. She did love her. She did. She would hurt anyone who hurt her and she wanted to at this rate. Reaching up, she ran her thumbs under her eyes and tried to clean up the tears from her and she sighed. “I’m positive that she would adopt you but here’s the problem with that. I love having sex with you while I’m single and so that just makes things worse,” she whispered as she nuzzled onto her neck. Walking to her car, she wanted to drive but she didn’t want to tell her what to do, so she let her do it. Lacing their fingers, she pressed her lips together and then let out a sigh as she did but she laughed right after. “Yes, we can. I’m about to break up with Brant, I think. It’s just a lot but I’m not worried about me right now. Just working on the fact that I want you happy and we can have that.” Smiling as she kissed her hand, she leaned over and kissed her lips softly before watching her undress as she backed away. “You’re really hot, did you know that?”

KELSIE started to pull out of the parking lot and looked over at her with a smile. “I know what you mean, then we couldn’t ever have sex again and I don’t know if I could never not kiss you when I want to.” Hearing her next statement she looked over at her in shock. “You’re gonna what? Did something happen? I’ll kill him. We can talk about you. I wanna talk about you. I like all the things regarding you.” Leaning over as she stopped at the stop sign she kissed her again. It wasn’t wrong, was it? She was going to be single anyway and she just really loved the girl beside her. “You’re really hot. Sometimes I feel like I should just date you but I like having sex with a penis involved too much.”

SAVANNAH smiling at her as she watched her smile back. She couldn’t help but smile at her. She loved whenever she made her smile. “I couldn’t handle not having sex with you or kissing you in general ever. Though I’ve been dating someone for a while,” she admitted and then she let out a soft sigh. Whenever she gave her the reaction, she licked over her bottom lip slowly and her head fell. “He didn’t do anything. No. I just feel like I’ve been with him for so long and I’m stuck with this and I don’t know if I want to be with him forever and I feel like crap about it. I just need to take a break, that’s all,” she whispered, biting on her bottom lip, running her fingers through her hair gently. Whenever she felt tears in her eyes, she lifted her head, kissing her back softly and didn’t know what else to do. She loved the way she felt with her. “I know, I do, too. I just don’t know what else to do and I just feel like all I do is run in circles. Like with freaking boys and then stuff with Brant and I seem stupid. I don’t know. Then Trey and then you. I don’t know, babe. I love you.”

KELSIE “Which resulted in me having to have sex with Gabe when I was horny. Now I have no one. Unless I just stop caring and put myself out there more.” Hearing her talk about Brant she just squeezed her hand for comfort and nodded. “I get it and there’s so much more out there. Yeah, he’s hot but you deserve to be happy, babe. I support you and your decisions.” Finally getting to her house she parked in the driveway and just sat there. Finding a shirt in the back she slipped it on and looked over at her as she rested her head on the seat. “I love you. I’ll never not love you or want to be with you, just know that. You and Trey are talking again?” She asked as she got out of the car and headed inside the house. Slipping out of her wet clothes she was left in her underwear and bra. “So, I e been thinking about having sex with Theo. We’re friends and stuff so why not, y’know?”

SAVANNAH “You have me and then if it’s a penis thing I can totally get a strap on, just saying. Don’t be like me. I’m a whore, obviously,” she sighed as she bit on her lip in thought. Listening to her, her eyes just locked on their hands and then she nodded her head. She knew she was right but it didn’t make it any easier really. “I know. I just know that I’m going to break his heart and I never wanted to do that. I just need to move on and do more with myself than this. Than being held into this box. I have to,” she admired. Whenever she was dressed, she smiled to herself while her blue eyes searched hers. She loved her. “I love you, too. You know I’ll be with you any day. I just don’t have a dick. Yeah, kinda. He watched a scary movie with me last night on the phone and it was great.” Getting out, she walked inside and looked over her body and she licked over her bottom lip. “Mm, yeah? I think that could be fun. He’s hot and a virgin too but hot. You think you’ll do it?”

KELSIE “That actually sounds kinda hot, not gonna lie. I miss our threesomes that we used to have. You’re not a whore, my sister is a whore. You’re just confident with yourself and it’s sexy,” she complimented her as she reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Then that’s what you’ll do. If he loves and respects you like he says he does then he will let you better yourself and find your happiness. Sometimes people grow apart and that’s okay.” Tugging her up to her room, she started to go through her stuff and found some sweatpants to put on. “I’d date you any day. We’d just have to bring a penis in the mix every now and then. That’s my only request,” she teased as she pushed her down on her bed and sat on her lap. “I love you,” she bummed as she pushed her back on the bed and pressed her hips into hers. “It’s just a thought. I’m comfortable with him. I just don’t know if he’ll even want to. With me.”

SAVANNAH “Are you serious? Because you know that I will. I won’t even think about it, I’ll just do it and I will investigate. Do you want me to? Because I will. I miss them, too. I miss whenever you used to control me,” she breathed. Leaning into her hand, she closed her eyes, just relaxing whenever she basically encouraged her to do so and she let her help her breathe and feel better. She looked away trying to keep her thoughts calm but she knew that he would cry and she knew she would, too but she just didn’t want to hurt him. It was hard. “He’s going to hate me,” she whispered softly as she chewed on her lip slowly in thought. While she got dressed, she watched her and smirked a little before she sat on her lap and then she wrapped her arms around her neck. “We can bring a penis in any time you want to, I’m okay with that, so yes. Let’s do that, just saying.” Moaning softly as she pushed her hips into hers, she pushed her hips back up, whimpering as she looked at her. “I love you. If you want to, you should, baby.”

KELSIE “So do it. I’d love to see what you come up with, babe. Controlling you is one of my favorite things to do.” Being with her was just good, she made her happy and she made her forget about all the shitty things that were going. She was her person. She was her happy place. Leaning down to hover over her she placed kisses along her neck. “He’ll get over it,” she moaned against her neck as she started to suck on her skin. “Are you saying you wanna be my girlfriend, Savannah Rose?” She asked as she sat up and then started to kiss her softly, her hips grinned into hers more. “I’m gonna think about it. Maybe I’ll text him later but right now I wanna focus on you,” she flirted as she bit on her lip.

SAVANNAH “Then I will. You have no idea what I’m gonna do to you, Keslie Lynn. I’m gonna fuck you so good,” she moaned quietly. Her eyes closed as she took in the feeling of her lips on her and she couldn’t help but smile as she did. She wanted to be with her, she just didn’t know what to do about how she was feeling. Breathing deeply, her eyes fluttered open slowly and she ignored the comment about him and then heard her question. Looking up at her, she breathed deeply, kissing her back softly, finally speaking. “I’ll be yours any day, babe. I just have to figure out stuff first and then you’re mine,” she breathed, pushing her hips up into hers further, reaching up to take off her bra and then smirked at her words next. “Tell me what you want from me, Kelsie. Tell me what you wanna do to me.”

KELSIE “I can’t wait until you do. I’m already so wet at the thought of you fucking me. I know you’d be better than anyone else out there.” Running her hand up Savannah’s shirt, she slipped her hand under her bra and moaned against her lips. “Can I be yours right now? Being with you is what I need right now. You’re so good to me. He won’t have to know.” Running her fingers down Savannah’s stomach she played with the top of her pants. Slipping past it she moved her hand down further to tease her. “I’m gonna make you cum just by using my fingers,” she whispered into her ear as she I did her jeans and then slipped a finger inside of her. “Take your pants off.”

SAVANNAH smirking at her words, her breathing picked up and she felt herself getting even wetter than before. “I would fuck you so good, I would make you cum so hard, baby. I know how you like it,” she moaned, feeling her hands on her, she just took in the feeling and bit on her bottom lip harder than before, tugging on it to keep her closer to her. “I would love for you to be mine, babe. You know that I’ll take care of you and love you like you should be,” she whispered, watching as she started to move down her body with her hand and then she whimpered. Laying her head over to the side, she closed her eyes, feeling her finger inside of her and she gasped. “Yes, ma'am,” she complied, lifting up to let her take off her pants and her panties before her eyes found hers again. “Like this?”

KELSIE tugged at her pants and tosses them on the ground and moved between her legs. Kissing her roughly she let a finger play with her pussy lips as she slipped her tongue into her mouth. Slipping another finger into her she pushed them deep inside her and started to fuck her with them harder. “You’re so tight. God, I love your pussy,” she moaned as she crawled down her body and replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing her gently and slipped her tongue into. “I’ve missed tasting you. You should have planned to break up with him a long time ago. Or just not cared.”

SAVANNAH moaned louder as she kissed her back roughly, her hand tangling in her hair while she tried to take in a slow breath. That was until she started to fuck her faster and added another finger and she moaned louder. “So fucking good, fuck. Kelsie, I love your fingers so much,” she moaned, watching her move down and whenever she moved to start using her tongue, her head fell back and her eyes closed and she adjusted her legs over her shoulders. “Fuck, baby. I love you. I love how you feel. I love how your tongue feels inside me,” she whined, gasping as her hips moved up against her face.

KELSIE smirked at all the reactions she was getting from her. She could literally do this all day every day with her and not get bored from it. That’s how much she enjoyed being with her more than any other person she had the luxury of meeting. Flicking her tongue on her clit she slipped one finger inside of her and twirled it around. Slipping a second finger in her she picked up her pace and curled her fingers to try and fuck her just right. Pushing a third finger in her she started to move her fingers in and out of her at a fast pace, still sucking on her clit.

SAVANNAH gasped as she kept going, her body shaking as she kept letting her work her body. Whenever she pushed a third finger inside of her pussy, she sat up a little, trying to fight the urge to cum and push herself over the edge as she fell back hitting the bed roughly and her hands gripping onto her hair. “Right there. Right fucking there, don’t stop. Please don’t stop fucking me,” she whimpered, biting on her lip harder as she gripped the blankets tightly. “I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum, Kelsie!” She screamed out, pushing back but not letting her move too far away from her to encourage her to keep going. “Make me fucking cum. I’m yours, now fuck me like I am.”

KELSIE loved pushing Savann over the edge and teasing her. Pulling her fingers out of her she quickly reached around under her bed and pulled out her toys, letting her dildo tease her pussy lips before she pushed it into her forcefully and then began to move it in and out of her at a hard and fast pace. “Cum for me, baby. Show me how good I make you feel,” she encouraged as she went back to sucking on her clit.

SAVANNAH gasped whenever she pulled her fingers out but then she was pushing a dildo into her and she let out a scream she didn’t know that she was holding in. “Fuck!” Laying her head back, she arched her body up, gripping the bed while she finally couldn’t hold back anymore, pulling her up to her and pressing her lips against hers while she came hard around the dildo. Biting on her lip, she was trying to stop shaking but she was so worked up, it was worth it. Kissing her again, her eyes flickered open and she smiled up at her. “I love you.”

KELSIE moved up the bed and captured her sounds with her mouth as she helped her finish coming down from her high. Laying on her side, she pulled the dildo out of her slowly and tossed it on the floor to deal with later. “I love you, too,” she smiled as she leaned over and kissed her. grabbing her blanket she pulled it up over them and curled up next to her. “You make me happy.”

SAVANNAH cuddled up with her, wrapping her arms around her as her eyes closed and her body just relaxed right then. Keeping the blanket close to them, she nuzzled her nose against hers with a smile playing on her lips. “You make me happy, too, I mean that,” she admitted, kissing her again slowly while her hand rested on her cheek. “So, are we doing this thing with us? Also, if we are, how are we and who are we allowed to have sex with if we have sex with other people or whatever you want to do?”

KELSIE kissed her back slowly, just taking in the moment and for the first time all day she felt like she could breathe again and it was all because of the girl in front of her. “If you want to I say we give it a try. And if it doesn’t work then we have to make sure we are still best friends,” she exhaled as she smiled over at her in thought. “I’m not sure. I feel like the rules need to be laid out, open communication and never lying. Maybe we can make a list of people. What do you think?”

SAVANNAH found herself more content right then than she had been in a long time. Just because she was happy. She was so happy, she had the girl as her own, if she wanted to keep her and she just wanted to keep her safe. Away from bad people and in the comfort of her own protection. “Of course we will always be best friends, no matter what happens. It doesn’t matter what we go through, I can’t make it without you,” she admitted and then she kissed her again slowly. Her tongue moved over her lips and she deepened it for a second then pulled back. “Of course. Let’s do that. Let’s start with the list, who do you think should be on it first?”

KELSIE held her hand up at her words, “Pinky promise?” She asked with a smile before kissing her back just as Savannah was. Grabbing her face she pressed her body into hers as they made out for a second. Pulling back she gathered herself and slowed her breathing. “Well, I kinda already texted Theo when you went’ to the bathroom so can he be on it if he wants to?”

SAVANNAH linking her pinky with hers, she gave her a nod. “Pinky promise,” she agreed. Whenever she moved over top of her, she pressed her body against hers, making out with her slowly. Smiling against her lips, her eyes met hers and then she moved her hand down her body, teasing over her lips and under her sweats. “That’s fine. I’ve kinda already been texting Trey since yesterday about the whole about to break up thing and sex, so with no feelings involved, can he be on the list?”

KELSIE placed her hands on her hips and made out with her and then pulled back when she heard her input. Pulling her hand up she looked at her confused. “Trey? The guy you’ll probably always love Trey? I don’t think that’s possible for you to not have feelings involved when it comes to him, Savannah.”

SAVANNAH watched whenever she pulled her hand up and she raised her eyebrows. “I’m not going to have feelings involved but I don’t have to do anything with him. I just wanted to be up front with you about a conversation that we were having before this. That’s all I wanted to do. No sex with Trey.”

KELSIE “If you want to have sex with trey you can. I just don’t think I can be in a full-on relationship with you if you’re having sex with your ex. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

SAVANNAH “I get what you mean, I understand that. I can’t be mad at that either, so I won’t. I won’t have sex with him because I want you and I mean that.”

KELSIE “Are you sure? I don’t want you to say that because you think it’s what I want to hear. I mean, maybe if I’m in the room it’s fine, I just know how you feel about him.”

SAVANNAH “I just want to do whatever makes you happy, babe. I want to be with you and if that means no sex with him then I can handle that.”

KELSIE “You want to do what makes me happy but what makes you happy? Because I’m happy if you’re happy and if you want to have sex with him then you should. If you want to be with him then you should.”

SAVANNAH “It’s not that. You make me happy, Kelsie. You make me happy and I want to be with you. I’m just stupid and this is all changing but I want this with you. More than anyone, I want it with you.”

KELSIE “I’m sorry. I don’t want to shut down your list. Reasons why open communication and trust is a must. I trust you that if you say no feelings then I believe you. If you want to have sex with him then you should be able to. I want you to be happy.”

SAVANNAH “Kelsie, I love you. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you and I don’t have feelings but he does mean something to me so he shouldn’t be on the list and so he won’t be. He won’t be on our list, okay?”

KELSIE “You can put him on the list. First, you wanted him on the list, now you don’t. Why?”

SAVANNAH “Tell me honestly what you feel about if I do decide to put him on the list. Do you trust me?”

KELSIE “Babe, I just said that I trusted you and if you wanted to then that’s fine. This is why we have open communication. I trust you.”

SAVANNAH “Okay then he’s on the list. He’s on the list, officially. Just tell me when you have plans for this stuff, too, okay?”

KELSIE “Well, you know I already have plans with Theo later. Can we talk about the list later? I kinda wanna take a nap before I go fuck up Kennedy’s stuff.”

SAVANNAH “I have plans with Trey later, too. Just to hang out but if things happen, then yeah. We can, baby. Let’s nap.”

[mexcine]

Us (2019) review:

Once again the whole world is wrong and I'm right.  That may be overstating the case slightly, but it seems everyone* loves Us (2019) and yet I was underwhelmed by it.        *[Perhaps I should say "all the critics love it" --it's at 94% on Rotten Tomatoes--because the public response there is a respectable but not exceptional 70%.]

         I'll not say I didn't like Us, but given how much I did like Get Out I was expecting to be awestruck by Jordan Peele's follow-up feature and...it didn't happen.  This is just a matter of personal taste--it's still a slick film with a lot of clever bits that aren't obvious at first but take on greater significance as the film unfolds (and even later, when you think it over), and it has a definite air of foreboding or dread or fearful anticipation that is expertly crafted, but I did not find it to be exceptional entertainment.  

     Allow me to enumerate my grievances (they are not numerous nor extensive).  Grievance the first: lack of empathetic characters.  The protagonists, the Wilson family--parents Gabe and Adelaide, children Zora and Jason--are not likeable, and don't have a believable family dynamic.  Gabe is a doofy sitcom dad; Adelaide has DARK SECRETS that she's been hiding for decades and has never revealed and which make her act weird; Zora is tethered to her phone; Jason goes around with a plastic Halloween mask strapped to the top of his head. The audience bonds a bit with them when the action starts, but it's a tough slog up til then, and even afterwards certain comments or actions distance the viewer from the family (for example, they bicker about who has killed the most opponents).  There are reasons for this, as the denouement explains (sort of), but lack of audience empathy and identification puts the film at a disadvantage from the start.  It's not indispensable, but the filmmaker has to work hard to overcome this self-imposed emotional speed bump. 

[Allow me to add that the performances in Us are quite good.  Lupita Nyong’o has the heaviest lifting since her two characters can both speak and thus can elaborate on their motivations, but the other performers are also fine (as the Real Wilsons) and scary-as-heck (as the Evil Wilsons).  Still, Nyong’o is the one who wins the ACTING! prize for Us.]

       Grievance the next: an eerie premise that is horribly (and ludicrously) over-explained at the end.  The concept of the doppleganger dates back to ancient times, has been used in literature since at least the 19th century, and can be seen in film as early as The Student of Prague (1913).  It's been used rather frequently in cinema in the past several decades, sometimes seriously, sometimes for comedic purposes. [For our purposes, we'll stipulate that identical twins do not count as dopplegangers, and in fact two random people who coincidentally happen to look exactly alike--as in the film Dave, 1993--should also be excluded.  For me, doppleganger implies some supernatural or perhaps science fiction (i.e., clones or Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type replicants) element rather than mere physical similarity.]

       Since I intended to see Us, I deliberately avoided reading any in-depth criticism of the film in advance.  I was aware that in the film a family was confronted by their evil doubles, but that was about it.  I thought perhaps the film would be less overly horrific--the doubles would replace the originals in society, or something of that sort.  But no, we don't even get the "evil twin" idea--the Wilsons are confronted by monstruous, murderous, physically and mentally twisted versions of themselves.  The doppleganger concept is hardly even necessary, so different are the "other" Wilsons from the originals.  The conclusion of the film provides some rationale for this, but the whole point of the doppleganger premise--two identical-in-appearance beings with opposite personalities, morals, goals, etc.--and the events that arise from this confrontation with one's self, are tossed aside.  The Evil Wilsons want to kill the Real Wilsons.  Why?  So they can be the Real Wilsons?  No, so they can be the Only Wilsons.  Also, because the Evil Wilsons are crazy, envious, and did I mention crazy?

         I'm not going to go into the explanation for all this, just in case you haven't seen the film and intend to.  It's irrational and not in a good way.  Good irrational might be "aliens have invaded Earth and they shape-shift to take the identities of people."  Bad irrational is an explanation that could not possibly be feasible, makes no pretense of it, and pokes the viewer in the eye with it's utter impossibility.  It does "explain" things and Us is actually very clever in setting up clues and foreshadowing which pay off at the end, but this doesn't mean the explanation is acceptable.  It's like showing a character eating flies throughout the movie and then in the end he's revealed to be a giant frog wearing a man-costume.  Ok, that's why he was eating the flies, but...a giant frog wearing a man-costume?  That is not possible on so many levels.              Does this really matter?  Yes and no.  Us is a decent film, well-crafted in many ways and on many levels, and it generally holds one's interest.  The conclusion may cause your jaw to drop, but you won't feel angry or cheated.   One mark of a good film is the amount of discussion it generates after you've seen it, and Us is one of those kinds of pictures.  

         Some people will try to figure out "what it means," what the sub-text is, and most will probably give Peele a pass for the Rube Goldberg-esque plot contrivance that explains what's been happening.  I fall somewhere in between the two poles of "it must mean something, the details don't matter" and "the premise is flawed and this hinders the film's effectiveness."   I'd be between the 94% critic and 70% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  Say, 78-80%.  Us is watchable but fails to live up to my (probably inflated) expectations.

[mattzerella-sticks]

I Feel Safe With You (13x22 “Exodus” Dean/Cas Coda) (Ao3)

With nearly everyone back at the Bunker, it might be hard to find some alone time. However, Dean and Cas manage to find just that, and talk about a few things that need to be discussed. Will they say what needs to be said? Or do some things even need to be said? Sometimes the strongest things are those that are left unspoken.

           “I figured you might be here.”

           Dean cranes his head over the back of the chair, smiling at Cas from where he stands in the doorway. The television is the only source of light, highlighting his profile. Dean beckons Cas further in, the angel closing the door behind him. He heads towards the only other seat in Dean’s Cave, perching on the edge of it. Luckily, Dean had already muted the show he was watching, preferring the images to flash on-screen – his mind whirling with too many thoughts to really follow any storyline.

           “How’s everybody settling in?” Dean asks.

           “Fine,” Cas says, “We’ve filled two entire wings of the Bunker… could have used your help with all the sheets and everything.”

           “It was getting to be too much,” Dean admitted, turning away, “All these people… I’m gonna miss being able to just walk around in my robe.”

           “They won’t be here for long,” Cas tells him, “I’m sure there will be a few who may try and start a new life – here, where Michael exists only in The Cage.”

           “Wouldn’t blame ‘em if they did,” Dean chuckles, “Not like we haven’t faced down greater threats with less people…”

           Dean fiddles, playing with the chair’s arms, hoping that by scraping the leather with blunt nails he could dig up more to the conversation than the thoughts rumbling throughout his mind. Cas sits, waiting, watching Dean’s fidgeting. His body, unlike Dean’s, is closed in: knees pressed together, back slumped with his elbows resting on his thighs. Coiled tight, ready to spring forward if given the push.

           “And how’re the rest of ‘em?” Dean asks.

           “Sam decided to head to his room, after I promised to check up on you,” Cas starts, “And Mary… her and Bobby were chatting in the kitchen last I saw. When I asked about his lodgings she assured me that I needn’t worry.” Dean snaps his attention back to his angel, a small upward tic of his brow.

           “Did she?” he leans forward, “What did… what did she say?”

           “He can take my room,” Castiel quotes, squinting as he remembers, “I’ll even show him how to use the mattress.”

           Dean groans, face falling into his hands. “I had a feeling,” he mumbles from between his fingers, “That there was more than just soldier loyalty holding her there.”

           “I don’t quite get what you mean?”

           “Please Cas, think,” Dean turns to him, “So I don’t have to explain it to you.” He sees the gears spinning behind the angel’s eyes and as they light up with understanding.

           “Oh,” he says, “They’re engaging in sex –“

           “Yes!” Dean shouts over him, wringing his hands, “Yes they’re doing – that. Now let’s refrain from ever speaking about well… that, ever again. Okay?” Cas’s nod lessens the embarrassment fluttering within his stomach by a fraction.

           “It’s not a bad thing, Dean,” he adds, “That place was dangerous… scary… it’s nice to see that your mother was able to find some normalcy while she was there…”

           “Well… when you put it that way…”

           “It’s funny… the thing about danger,” Cas continues, gaze distant and far away, “When we’re in it, we have to re-prioritize… well, everything. Have to take control of the situation, make tough calls, and protect what matters. Being in this position for long periods of time… it can be taxing. Living like that without any breaks would force the strongest of people to crumble. We all need to feel safe from time to time.”

           Dean smiles, “Yeah… I get what you mean.” He does, darting his eyes across the room at the cocoon he built for himself and his family. Every few seconds they fall back to Cas, but they never linger. Admitting to certain safeties can unlock even more dangers, in Dean’s world.

           “I’m glad we’re out of there,” Dean says, “I don’t know how Ma did it… how any of ‘em… goes to show that even if you don’t think so – your grass is greener to someone.”

           “It was taxing, all that we went through… all that we brought with us… what we left behind…” Cas’s shoulders hunch even further up to his neck, hands given way to human temptations such as twiddling and twitching.

           “I’m… sorry, we couldn’t get Gabe out of there,” Dean tells him, “I know how much Heaven needed him and… and just getting him back –“

           “It hurts,” Cas admits, staring at his lap, brows drawn in confusion, “Finally Gabriel chose to stay and fight and… I wish that he had run away. Saved himself from…” He looks up, teary-eyed, “We had just gotten him back. He barely had any time between his imprisonment and his death. That world it just… it takes from you.”

           “Yeah… no argument here,” Dean mutters darkly, “Almost took Sam… Jack and Ma were over there for too long…” He sighs, “In a way we also lost you – or… other you. Though I wasn’t as sad to see that bastard go.”

           “It was strange, I’ll admit,” Cas huffs, smiling weakly, “I remember a time where killing myself would have been a welcome thought. But even smiting this… twisted version of me, although necessary, was depressing.”

           “Don’t joke about that, Cas,” Dean says, reaching across the divide to place a hand over his angel’s, “Watching that was tough for me, too. I mean… it was still you. Just a you without humanity… without –“

           “Without meeting you.”

           Dean pauses, cheeks heating under the searching stare. Cas locks eyes with him, like clear blue waves of a lake rocking forward to meet the grass dappled hills of its shore. Fingers tap against fingers, until Cas turns his palm over and slides them together.

           “Cas?”

           “You and Sam, I hope that the Apocalypse world was just an anomaly, and that you two exist on every other plane of existence,” Cas powers forward, squeezing tight, “Winchesters inspire hope… with all of you the world remains safe. With… with you… I feel safe.”

           “Cas…” Dean repeats, reverent, “I… You make me feel safe, too. Like, I don’t know…” He rips his gaze away, scratching at his neck with his free hand, “You look at me, sometimes, and I just feel like the whole world’s a bit brighter. S’why I call you sunshine…”

           “Dean…”

           “Yeah?”

           “What,” he swallows, nervously, shattering any illusion of angelic composure, “What are we?”

           “We’re…” the word hangs on his tongue, waiting for its partner before tumbling into reality. Except every descriptor Dean’s mind comes up with gets rejected, deemed not good enough. ‘Best Friends’ didn’t carry enough of the intent Dean wanted to show. ‘Brothers’ doesn’t feel right – not that it ever did. ‘Family’ was too vague, and just a cheap cop out.

           ‘What are we?’

           He bides his time scanning his angel’s face. Roving over the sharp cheekbones blanketed by eternal stubble. Watches as a pink tongue peeks out to wet chapped – ‘but probably soft’ – lips. Eyes that remind Dean of every motel with a pool they stayed in while growing up. He and Sammy would sneak in, at night, and swim to their heart’s content. Sometimes, not even leaving until the sun was rising over the buildings and their skin hurt from pruning. Pool time was an escape – freedom from expectations and a bleak tomorrow. Feelings he thought would only exist under highly chlorinated water but can be found easily in the warmth of the angel that’s always close but never enough.

           “We’re… we’re us,” Dean says, smiling, “The good and the bad… all of it. There’s no hiding… no putting up fronts… just two guys with,” he stumbles, “with… feelings.”

           “Feelings?” Cas parrots, laughing slightly, “Yes… that is a good word for it. Although,” he rubs a thumb across Dean’s hand, “I might think of better words for it…” He looks up at him through his lashes, tanned skin flushed slightly. Dean roughly swallows around the heart-shaped lump in his throat.

           “Really?” he asks, “What – uh… what words would you use?”

           “Well, one word comes to mind, really,” Cas starts, fisting at his trench coat, “And I… I think you feel the same way.”

           “You’ll never know if you don’t say it, Cas,” Dean urges him on, scooting further and further towards the edge of his seat, ready to jump and fall – trusting Cas will be waiting there to catch him.

           “Dean, I… I lo –“

           “Father? Dean?”

           The moment shatters, lights flickering on overhead and drawing Dean and Cas’s eyes away from each other to the now open door where Jack stands. He shifts on his feet, glancing around at the Cave, taking it all in for the first time.

           “Jack?” Cas asks, voice rough, “Is every thing okay?”

           “I… I don’t know,” Jack steps further into the room, “It’s like… my mind knows I’m back home… but my body still feels tense like – like at any moment Michael will find us.”

           Dean frowns, understanding exactly what Jack is talking about. “C’mere,” he tells the kid, “You’re just…” he waits until Jack is in front of them, “you were over there for a long time – in a war zone. Even with all the power you have, you’re still just a boy. And no boy should ever grow up as a soldier.” Cas squeezes Dean’s hand once more. “It’ll take time, but it’s okay for you to feel this way.”

           “But I don’t want to,” Jack whimpers, “Is there… anything I can do?”

           “Angel grace can do many things,” Cas tells him, reaching out with his other hand for Jack’s, “But this is something we can’t heal.”

           “You’re not alone, though, Jack,” Dean continues, “We’re here, and we’ll always be here when you need us.”

           “I… I need you…” Jack admits, lowly, “I just… I want to be normal – for a little bit.”

           “Well, why don’t we watch a movie?” Dean asks, turning to Cas, “Can’t think of anything more normal than that? What do you say?”

           “I’m sure we can squeeze one in,” Cas nods, smirking at Jack, “But only one. I believe it’s still a school night, and somebody has to be up bright and early.”

           Dean chuckles, playing along with Cas’s scenario, “That’s true. Jack, did you finish your homework?”

           “I… my what?”

           “I don’t think he has,” Dean gasps, “Oh, how can we be such thoughtless parents?”

           “You tell me, Dean,” Cas says, “You’re the one whose supposed to keep tabs on these things.”

           “Well I – wait, what?”

           “I mean, since you’re here keeping house –“

           “Why would I be the stay-at-home parent, Cas?”

           “You’re much more organized than me, and you love to cook –“

           “And you don’t think I deserve a career? Just what ‘job’ do you even have?”

           “I’m a… cop?”

           “Oh macho, macho man, aren’t ya?”

           “Well –“ Cas trails off, both he and Dean glancing towards Jack, dissolved into a fit of giggles. The pair shares a celebratory smile before setting up the movie. Dean works the remote and turns Netflix on, scrolling until he finds something with enough fluff and sugar that would kill an elephant. Jack takes a seat on the floor between the two chairs, Cas shifting from his seat to join him. Dean looks at the two angels, their bright eyes blinking up at him. He puts up a fight, but joins the two on the ground in the end.

           “I’m too old for this,” Dean groans, over-acting, “My back’s gonna be so sore… you might have to leave me here.”

           “Well I might not need a nickel,” Cas starts, creeping a hand behind Jack to rest on Dean’s lower back, “But I do have ‘magic fingers’. Dean relaxes into the touch, letting Cas’s grace trickle into him and ease the aches that have built up from their trek across universes. Dean swings his arm over the two of them, drawing them in closer, before hitting play.

           “Thank you,” Jack whispers under the title sequence, “Really.”

           “Everyone deserves to feel safe, Jack,” Cas tells him, looking at Dean, “Especially when they really are.”

           “I do feel safe with you,” he smiles, “Both of you. With Sam and Mary… I’m glad we’re all together again.”

           “The whole happy family,” Dean says.

           They let the movie take over, enjoying the film alongside one another. Jack snuggles deeper, sandwiching himself between the two men and drawing them closer. Every now and then, the hunter and his angel would peak over, losing interest with the cartoon and instead focusing their attention on the other.

           There was no rush. Both men finally felt a calm, like breaking the tape in a race, and were now running a celebratory lap. They didn’t feel the need to talk. Not when the movie finished up and Jack asked for another. Not when the boy fell asleep, slightly drooling on Dean’s shoulder, the day catching up to him. And especially not come morning, when all came to in a tight bundle.

           Because no word could capture the depth of emotion they were feeling.

           ‘Well, maybe one,’ Dean admits to himself, peering at Cas over the rim of his coffee mug, while Jack tells Sam and Mary and Bobby about their little marathon.

           ‘Love.’

[kaysmuarchive]

BFF’S FOR THE WIN ➝ CHATZY

location: Lynn household.

date & time: 2/11, day.

who: Kelsie and Savannah.

KELSIE didn’t think it was possible to be this mad but here she was standing outside the school, not caring if she would get in trouble. Arguing over text with Gabe she eventually just threw her phone and Barrie’s her face in her hands, trying to not cry. Hearing someone walk up behind her, she wiped at her face before noticing it was Savannah. She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want them to get that from her. She didn’t even want to care but here she was. Turning to her best friend she wrapped her arms around her and tried to catch her breath. “Will you help me throw all his stuff outside and cut holes in all her clothes?”

SAVANNAH wrapping her arms around her best friend whenever she walked up to her, she took in a deep breath. She didn’t expect this in the slightest. Why would he do that with her sister and better yet why would her sister do that? Holding onto her tightly, she rocked her slowly in her arms and pressed her lips against her cheek. She felt angry, she was angry. Someone hurt her best friend and that wasn’t what she wanted at all. She just wanted her best friend to be happy. Hearing her request, she bit on her lip and the pulled back to kiss her forehead. “I will always do that, of course. We can burn his and cut hers. Do you want to come stay with me, babe?” She whispered, kissing his forehead softly.

KELSIE tried to smile up at her as she spoke to her because she really was too good for her but she was just in a crappy mood. Wiping at her eyes she sighed. “I would love to. I just need to get my stuff so I never have to see them again. Do you think your mom would adopt me?” She asked with a small chuckle but honestly, she’d be okay if she did. Looping her arm with hers she walked with her to her car and got in as she did. Sitting behind the wheel she turned to her and grabbed her hand. “Can we just date and have a foursome with the Hudson brothers because apparently, that’s a thing people do,” she asked annoyed as she kissed her hand. “I’m soaking wet, I hate my life,” she sighed as she pulled her hoodie off to just leave her in her bra.

SAVANNAH watched as she tried to smile and she felt her heart strings tug. She did love her. She did. She would hurt anyone who hurt her and she wanted to at this rate. Reaching up, she ran her thumbs under her eyes and tried to clean up the tears from her and she sighed. “I’m positive that she would adopt you but here’s the problem with that. I love having sex with you while I’m single and so that just makes things worse,” she whispered as she nuzzled onto her neck. Walking to her car, she wanted to drive but she didn’t want to tell her what to do, so she let her do it. Lacing their fingers, she pressed her lips together and then let out a sigh as she did but she laughed right after. “Yes, we can. I’m about to break up with Brant, I think. It’s just a lot but I’m not worried about me right now. Just working on the fact that I want you happy and we can have that.” Smiling as she kissed her hand, she leaned over and kissed her lips softly before watching her undress as she backed away. “You’re really hot, did you know that?”

KELSIE started to pull out of the parking lot and looked over at her with a smile. “I know what you mean, then we couldn’t ever have sex again and I don’t know if I could never not kiss you when I want to.” Hearing her next statement she looked over at her in shock. “You’re gonna what? Did something happen? I’ll kill him. We can talk about you. I wanna talk about you. I like all the things regarding you.” Leaning over as she stopped at the stop sign she kissed her again. It wasn’t wrong, was it? She was going to be single anyway and she just really loved the girl beside her. “You’re really hot. Sometimes I feel like I should just date you but I like having sex with a penis involved too much.”

SAVANNAH smiling at her as she watched her smile back. She couldn’t help but smile at her. She loved whenever she made her smile. “I couldn’t handle not having sex with you or kissing you in general ever. Though I’ve been dating someone for a while,” she admitted and then she let out a soft sigh. Whenever she gave her the reaction, she licked over her bottom lip slowly and her head fell. “He didn’t do anything. No. I just feel like I’ve been with him for so long and I’m stuck with this and I don’t know if I want to be with him forever and I feel like crap about it. I just need to take a break, that’s all,” she whispered, biting on her bottom lip, running her fingers through her hair gently. Whenever she felt tears in her eyes, she lifted her head, kissing her back softly and didn’t know what else to do. She loved the way she felt with her. “I know, I do, too. I just don’t know what else to do and I just feel like all I do is run in circles. Like with freaking boys and then stuff with Brant and I seem stupid. I don’t know. Then Trey and then you. I don’t know, babe. I love you.”

KELSIE “Which resulted in me having to have sex with Gabe when I was horny. Now I have no one. Unless I just stop caring and put myself out there more.” Hearing her talk about Brant she just squeezed her hand for comfort and nodded. “I get it and there’s so much more out there. Yeah, he’s hot but you deserve to be happy, babe. I support you and your decisions.” Finally getting to her house she parked in the driveway and just sat there. Finding a shirt in the back she slipped it on and looked over at her as she rested her head on the seat. “I love you. I’ll never not love you or want to be with you, just know that. You and Trey are talking again?” She asked as she got out of the car and headed inside the house. Slipping out of her wet clothes she was left in her underwear and bra. “So, I e been thinking about having sex with Theo. We’re friends and stuff so why not, y’know?”

SAVANNAH “You have me and then if it’s a penis thing I can totally get a strap on, just saying. Don’t be like me. I’m a whore, obviously,” she sighed as she bit on her lip in thought. Listening to her, her eyes just locked on their hands and then she nodded her head. She knew she was right but it didn’t make it any easier really. “I know. I just know that I’m going to break his heart and I never wanted to do that. I just need to move on and do more with myself than this. Than being held into this box. I have to,” she admired. Whenever she was dressed, she smiled to herself while her blue eyes searched hers. She loved her. “I love you, too. You know I’ll be with you any day. I just don’t have a dick. Yeah, kinda. He watched a scary movie with me last night on the phone and it was great.” Getting out, she walked inside and looked over her body and she licked over her bottom lip. “Mm, yeah? I think that could be fun. He’s hot and a virgin too but hot. You think you’ll do it?”

KELSIE “That actually sounds kinda hot, not gonna lie. I miss our threesomes that we used to have. You’re not a whore, my sister is a whore. You’re just confident with yourself and it’s sexy,” she complimented her as she reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Then that’s what you’ll do. If he loves and respects you like he says he does then he will let you better yourself and find your happiness. Sometimes people grow apart and that’s okay.” Tugging her up to her room, she started to go through her stuff and found some sweatpants to put on. “I’d date you any day. We’d just have to bring a penis in the mix every now and then. That’s my only request,” she teased as she pushed her down on her bed and sat on her lap. “I love you,” she bummed as she pushed her back on the bed and pressed her hips into hers. “It’s just a thought. I’m comfortable with him. I just don’t know if he’ll even want to. With me.”

SAVANNAH “Are you serious? Because you know that I will. I won’t even think about it, I’ll just do it and I will investigate. Do you want me to? Because I will. I miss them, too. I miss whenever you used to control me,” she breathed. Leaning into her hand, she closed her eyes, just relaxing whenever she basically encouraged her to do so and she let her help her breathe and feel better. She looked away trying to keep her thoughts calm but she knew that he would cry and she knew she would, too but she just didn’t want to hurt him. It was hard. “He’s going to hate me,” she whispered softly as she chewed on her lip slowly in thought. While she got dressed, she watched her and smirked a little before she sat on her lap and then she wrapped her arms around her neck. “We can bring a penis in any time you want to, I’m okay with that, so yes. Let’s do that, just saying.” Moaning softly as she pushed her hips into hers, she pushed her hips back up, whimpering as she looked at her. “I love you. If you want to, you should, baby.”

KELSIE “So do it. I’d love to see what you come up with, babe. Controlling you is one of my favorite things to do.” Being with her was just good, she made her happy and she made her forget about all the shitty things that were going. She was her person. She was her happy place. Leaning down to hover over her she placed kisses along her neck. “He’ll get over it,” she moaned against her neck as she started to suck on her skin. “Are you saying you wanna be my girlfriend, Savannah Rose?” She asked as she sat up and then started to kiss her softly, her hips grinned into hers more. “I’m gonna think about it. Maybe I’ll text him later but right now I wanna focus on you,” she flirted as she bit on her lip.

SAVANNAH “Then I will. You have no idea what I’m gonna do to you, Keslie Lynn. I’m gonna fuck you so good,” she moaned quietly. Her eyes closed as she took in the feeling of her lips on her and she couldn’t help but smile as she did. She wanted to be with her, she just didn’t know what to do about how she was feeling. Breathing deeply, her eyes fluttered open slowly and she ignored the comment about him and then heard her question. Looking up at her, she breathed deeply, kissing her back softly, finally speaking. “I’ll be yours any day, babe. I just have to figure out stuff first and then you’re mine,” she breathed, pushing her hips up into hers further, reaching up to take off her bra and then smirked at her words next. “Tell me what you want from me, Kelsie. Tell me what you wanna do to me.”

KELSIE “I can’t wait until you do. I’m already so wet at the thought of you fucking me. I know you’d be better than anyone else out there.” Running her hand up Savannah’s shirt, she slipped her hand under her bra and moaned against her lips. “Can I be yours right now? Being with you is what I need right now. You’re so good to me. He won’t have to know.” Running her fingers down Savannah’s stomach she played with the top of her pants. Slipping past it she moved her hand down further to tease her. “I’m gonna make you cum just by using my fingers,” she whispered into her ear as she I did her jeans and then slipped a finger inside of her. “Take your pants off.”

SAVANNAH smirking at her words, her breathing picked up and she felt herself getting even wetter than before. “I would fuck you so good, I would make you cum so hard, baby. I know how you like it,” she moaned, feeling her hands on her, she just took in the feeling and bit on her bottom lip harder than before, tugging on it to keep her closer to her. “I would love for you to be mine, babe. You know that I’ll take care of you and love you like you should be,” she whispered, watching as she started to move down her body with her hand and then she whimpered. Laying her head over to the side, she closed her eyes, feeling her finger inside of her and she gasped. “Yes, ma'am,” she complied, lifting up to let her take off her pants and her panties before her eyes found hers again. “Like this?”

KELSIE tugged at her pants and tosses them on the ground and moved between her legs. Kissing her roughly she let a finger play with her pussy lips as she slipped her tongue into her mouth. Slipping another finger into her she pushed them deep inside her and started to fuck her with them harder. “You’re so tight. God, I love your pussy,” she moaned as she crawled down her body and replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing her gently and slipped her tongue into. “I’ve missed tasting you. You should have planned to break up with him a long time ago. Or just not cared.”

SAVANNAH moaned louder as she kissed her back roughly, her hand tangling in her hair while she tried to take in a slow breath. That was until she started to fuck her faster and added another finger and she moaned louder. “So fucking good, fuck. Kelsie, I love your fingers so much,” she moaned, watching her move down and whenever she moved to start using her tongue, her head fell back and her eyes closed and she adjusted her legs over her shoulders. “Fuck, baby. I love you. I love how you feel. I love how your tongue feels inside me,” she whined, gasping as her hips moved up against her face.

KELSIE smirked at all the reactions she was getting from her. She could literally do this all day every day with her and not get bored from it. That’s how much she enjoyed being with her more than any other person she had the luxury of meeting. Flicking her tongue on her clit she slipped one finger inside of her and twirled it around. Slipping a second finger in her she picked up her pace and curled her fingers to try and fuck her just right. Pushing a third finger in her she started to move her fingers in and out of her at a fast pace, still sucking on her clit. 

SAVANNAH gasped as she kept going, her body shaking as she kept letting her work her body. Whenever she pushed a third finger inside of her pussy, she sat up a little, trying to fight the urge to cum and push herself over the edge as she fell back hitting the bed roughly and her hands gripping onto her hair. "Right there. Right fucking there, don't stop. Please don't stop fucking me," she whimpered, biting on her lip harder as she gripped the blankets tightly. "I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum, Kelsie!" She screamed out, pushing back but not letting her move too far away from her to encourage her to keep going. "Make me fucking cum. I'm yours, now fuck me like I am."

KELSIE loved pushing Savann over the edge and teasing her. Pulling her fingers out of her she quickly reached around under her bed and pulled out her toys, letting her dildo tease her pussy lips before she pushed it into her forcefully and then began to move it in and out of her at a hard and fast pace. “Cum for me, baby. Show me how good I make you feel,” she encouraged as she went back to sucking on her clit.

SAVANNAH gasped whenever she pulled her fingers out but then she was pushing a dildo into her and she let out a scream she didn't know that she was holding in. "Fuck!" Laying her head back, she arched her body up, gripping the bed while she finally couldn't hold back any more, pulling her up to her and pressing her lips against hers while she came hard around the dildo. Biting on her lip, she was trying to stop shaking but she was so worked up, it was worth it. Kissing her again, her eyes flickered open and she smiled up at her. "I love you."

KELSIE moved up the bed and captured her sounds with her mouth as she helped her finish coming down from her high. Laying on her side, she pulled the dildo out of her slowly and tossed it on the floor to deal with later. “I love you, too,” she smiled as she leaned over and kissed her. grabbing her blanket she pulled it up over them and curled up next to her. “You make me happy.”

SAVANNAH cuddled up with her, wrapping her arms around her as her eyes closed and her body just relaxed right then. Keeping the blanket close to them, she nuzzled her nose against hers with a smile playing on her lips. "You make me happy, too, I mean that," she admitted, kissing her again slowly while her hand rested on her cheek. "So, are we doing this thing with us? Also, if we are, how are we and who are we allowed to have sex with if we have sex with other people or whatever you want to do?"

KELSIE kissed her back slowly, just taking in the moment and for the first time all day she felt like she could breathe again and it was all because of the girl in front of her. “If you want to I say we give it a try. And if it doesn’t work then we have to make sure we are still best friends,” she exhaled as she smiled over at her in thought. “I’m not sure. I feel like the rules need to be laid out, open communication and never lying. Maybe we can make a list of people. What do you think?”

SAVANNAH found herself more content right then than she had been in a long time. Just because she was happy. She was so happy, she had the girl as her own, if she wanted to keep her and she just wanted to keep her safe. Away from bad people and in the comfort of her own protection. "Of course we will always be best friends, no matter what happens. It doesn't matter what we go through, I can't make it without you," she admitted and then she kissed her again slowly. Her tongue moved over her lips and she deepened it for a second then pulled back. "Of course. Let's do that. Let's start with the list, who do you think should be on it first?"

KELSIE held her hand up at her words, “Pinky promise?” She asked with a smile before kissing her back just as Savannah was. Grabbing her face she pressed her body into hers as they made out for a second. Pulling back she gathered herself and slowed her breathing. “Well, I kinda already texted Theo when you went’ to the bathroom so can he be on it if he wants to?”

SAVANNAH linking her pinky with hers, she gave her a nod. "Pinky promise," she agreed. Whenever she moved over top of her, she pressed her body against hers, making out with her slowly. Smiling against her lips, her eyes met hers and then she moved her hand down her body, teasing over her lips and under her sweats. "That's fine. I've kinda already been texting Trey since yesterday about the whole about to break up thing and sex, so with no feelings involved, can he be on the list?"

KELSIE placed her hands on her hips and made out with her and then pulled back when she heard her input. Pulling her hand up she looked at her confused. “Trey? The guy you’ll probably always love Trey? I don’t think that’s possible for you to not have feelings involved when it comes to him, Savannah.”

SAVANNAH watched whenever she pulled her hand up and she raised her eyebrows. "I'm not going to have feelings involved but I don't have to do anything with him. I just wanted to be up front with you about a conversation that we were having before this. That's all I wanted to do. No sex with Trey."

KELSIE “If you want to have sex with trey you can. I just don’t think I can be in a full-on relationship with you if you’re having sex with your ex. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

SAVANNAH "I get what you mean, I understand that. I can't be mad at that either, so I won't. I won't have sex with him because I want you and I mean that."

KELSIE "Are you sure? I don't want you to say that because you think it's what I want to hear. I mean, maybe if I'm in the room it's fine, I just know how you feel about him."

SAVANNAH "I just want to do whatever makes you happy, babe. I want to be with you and if that means no sex with him then I can handle that."

KELSIE "You want to do what makes me happy but what makes you happy? Because I'm happy if you're happy and if you want to have sex with him then you should. If you want to be with him then you should."

SAVANNAH "It's not that. You make me happy, Kelsie. You make me happy and I want to be with you. I'm just stupid and this is all changing but I want this with you. More than anyone, I want it with you."

KELSIE "I'm sorry. I don't want to shut down your list. Reasons why open communication and trust is a must. I trust you that if you say no feelings then I believe you. If you want to have sex with him then you should be able to. I want you to be happy."

SAVANNAH "Kelsie, I love you. I don't want to do anything to hurt you and I don't have feelings but he does mean something to me so he shouldn't be on the list and so he won't be. He won't be on our list, okay?"

KELSIE “You can put him on the list. First, you wanted him on the list, now you don’t. Why?”

SAVANNAH "Tell me honestly what you feel about if I do decide to put him on the list. Do you trust me?"

KELSIE "Babe, I just said that I trusted you and if you wanted to then that's fine. This is why we have open communication. I trust you."

SAVANNAH "Okay then he's on the list. He's on the list, officially. Just tell me when you have plans for this stuff, too, okay?"

KELSIE "Well, you know I already have plans with Theo later. Can we talk about the list later? I kinda wanna take a nap before I go fuck up Kennedy's stuff."

SAVANNAH "I have plans with Trey later, too. Just to hang out but if things happen, then yeah. We can, baby. Let's nap."

[fightmewiatch]

I’m bored so I’m giving you more characters: Dean Winchester, Eric Delko, Jamie Reagan, And Steve Rogers. :)

Oh my god you monster. 

I’m doing these under a Read More so I don’t clog up peoples’ dashes, lol. XD 

Dean Winchester

do I like them: Of course I do.

5 good qualities: Loyal, big heart, strong, smart, literally willing to run head-first into battle to protect people

3 bad qualities: His loyalty is to Sam until Sam messes up which is probably exactly when Sam needs him most DEAN, thick-headed, stubborn.

favourite episode/etc: My favorite ep is Plucky Pennywhistle, okay, I just love it, and I love that Dean essentially has to come to terms with the fact that he may have fucked up with Sam.

otp: Dean/Cas

brotp: Obviously Dean/Sam, lol, but also Dean/Gabe

ot3: I don’t have one.

notp: Dean/probably 99% of the people he was set to hook up with

best quote: “THat was scary!”

head canon: I have seen a lot of hc’s for Dean Winchester over the years. Do you think I can remember any of them right now? Nope.

Eric Delko

do I like them: love him

5 good qualities: (i am pretty sur ei have the same qualities for most people but whatever) he’s smart, faithful, hot af (yes, this counts), good heart, family-oriented

3 bad qualities: Stubborn s.o.b., dude meets his real dad and then almsot dies for the fucker i mean come on, eric, you know better; loyal to a fault (yeah...this, uh...this was bad, sometimes); too trusting with the wrong people, not necessarily trusting enough with the right people

favourite episode/etc: There’s an ep during season 1 or 2 where Delko got his ass whipped, and Frank is pissed the whole time, and you find out he was helping a woman had been having problems take care of her kids, and fix her fence, and stuff like that (being a Good Guy) and got into a fight with the dicks next door which sort of fucked up Frank’s case but I love it because it was Delko being a good guy without thinking about anything else, honestly, it was cute.

otp: Delko/Calliegh, I think.

brotp: Delko/Speed

ot3: Don’t have one.

notp: Delko/Boa Vista.

best quote:  “I’m Catholic, I don’t know, I always feel guilty.”

head canon: I’ve really never thought about it...I just absorb the Delko we’re given on screen, I don’t...I honestly don’t think I thought much about it. 

Jamie Reagan

do I like them: PRECIOUS BEAN

5 good qualities: innocent, loyal, determined, honest, fucking sweetheart

3 bad qualities: Gets a little too focused (the Blue Templar could have gone so much worse), stubborn, tries to be too Black and White on the things that are good & bad

favourite episode/etc: Basically just give me Jamie, and I love it. XD

otp: I guess Jamie/Edie

brotp: Jamie/Vinnie

ot3: Nope. Lol.

notp: What was his fiance’s name....Sydney. I fucking didn’t like her one bit. 

best quote: It’s what you do next that counts.

head canon: Jamie is a fucking cuddler, okay, that’s what I think. He just. I can’t picture Jamie with a lot of kinks (maybe dirty talk, maybe cuffs), but cuddling? Jamie will cuddle the second he’s able to, you can’t escape it. 

Steve Rogers

do I like them: I LOVE CAP

5 good qualities: Loyal, a Good Man, Big Heart, Patient, Gentleman

3 bad qualities: Stubborn (yes you are, Steve Rogers, you literally took on the enemy all by yourself to save Bucky, and then took on your friends to save him again, come on you stubborn ass); and honestly I’m blanking on bad qualities because most of his shit stems from being fucking Stubborn

favourite episode/etc: Civil War, I think.

otp: Steve/Bucky

brotp: Steve/Sam

ot3: Steve/Bucky/Peggy (HOW DID I FORGET THIS ON BUCKY’S, OMG, THOSE THREE WERE A POWER TRIO)

notp: Steve/Sharon

best quote: “Language!” (steve actually has a lot of good lines, but that one just came outta nowhere and slayed me)

head canon: I have the very firm belief that if Bucky hadn’t toppled off the train, and if Steve hadn’t said fuck it and crashed into the ice, and they had returned, he, Buck, and Peggy would have been able to rule the world, okay? Come on. They were all so good at what they did, they were smart, they were loyal, and with Howard able to build anything they could possibly need, they would have been uN-fucking-stoppable.

[telltale-grapefruit]

TWDG  Fan Fiction

Anyone else love the accidental pregnancy trope?

Javi shifted around on the dusty couch, trying to find an ounce of comfort on the lumpy thing. He could have of spent the evening focused on something productive and nice, but instead he’d spent it fighting with Kate. They’d had disagreements before, when the’d lived on the road, but Javi had never seen this side of Kate. She’d used to be what he looked forward to, her smile and the way she laughed. And after a year of rebuilding and organizing, a year of earning trust and risking their lives, Javi thought his life would have been a little easier by now. But to deal with scared people all day and then Kate at night, it seemed like he couldn’t catch a break. Now the fights were happening every few days and it made him wonder what the point of all of it was.

He wasn’t even sure what the fight had been about this time. A complaint about the food and amount of water turned into a full-blown shouting fest about who had it worse. The food supply had been rapidly depleting, and she was right to worry, but Javi wouldn’t let himself take more rations. Kate had decided that was unreasonable, that led to a few choice words, and now Javi was sleeping on the couch. Usually he’d fall asleep quickly but the thing was too small for him, forcing him to bend into an uncomfortable shape. He adjusted his body again and rolled to his other shoulder. This position was more comfortable but it put his face directly into the dusty back cushion.

The sound of footsteps neared him and the lamp in the corner of the room lit up. Javi turned his head and squinted at Kate in her grey robe they’d found on a supply run some time ago. “Come to bed,” she whispered.

He got up from the cursed sofa and studied her tired eyes, looking for the reason she changed her mind. Kate’s eyes were so puffy, he was sure she’d been crying so Javi held back his snide comment. During the fight, he’d said a few words about the state of their relationship that he now realized might have pushed too far. Javi took a step forward and pulled Kate into him, kissing her hair.

“I didn’t really mean-”

“Don’t,” Kate said into his shoulder. “Let’s just go to bed.”

Javi cut off the light and followed Kate into the small hallway that led to the room they shared.

The two were silent in bed, both waiting for the other person to speak. Their bedroom was completely dark and the tension only grew as moments passed. Maybe he should apologize for what he’d said or at least tell her that he wasn’t ready to end the relationship. They were just words that came from a place of frustration. She had to know that.  Kate took a long, deep breath, breaking the silence.

“Javi.” In the darkness he heard Kate turn towards him. Her voice wasn’t harsh or upset, but it carried weight. Enough to make Javi hesitate before answering.

“Yeah?”

Kate spoke again and, for a moment Javi’s mind went blank, the words floating around in his head looking for a place to stick. “You’re..” When it all translated he realized he’d probably misheard her. He sat up and looked down at Kate. “What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Are you sure?” He’d sad it more as an accusation than a question.

“Yes, Javi, I’m sure,” Kate sighed.

“Okay.” Javi wasn’t sure how to process the information. They’d done everything to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Pregnant. Javi stared in her direction, only seeing an outline of her body. How did she know? Did she take a pregnancy test or was it some other thing like morning sickness? Javi had never seen her throwing up so that probably wasn’t it. But Kate did complain about him being away all the time so maybe that was it.

“Is that all you have to say?” Kate asked sitting up with him. “Okay?”

“No,” Javi retorted. Most of the questions shooting around in his head seemed stupid or in bad taste so he tried to think of something else. “What about the condoms?”

“What?”

Nope. that sounded stupid too. “We were being careful, I mean..”

“I don’t know. Most of them expired over 3 years ago.”

Did that even count? That rule was for people who walked around with condoms in their wallet and wore them down. Sure trading between camps may have jostled some but it couldn’t have done this. Right? “But the-” It was Javi’s turn to take a deep breath. As he exhaled, Kate spoke again.

“I wanted to tell you earlier but I was so angry and then you said how you felt about us.” Kate paused, swiping at her cheek. The guilt of hurting her was eating away at Javi especially now.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” Javi admitted. “I just meant that it’s hard to live like this- fighting every other day, then the people complaining about the food or the trading stuff. And Gabe is a fucking mess right now. It’s hard to deal with it all.”

Kate leaned to the side, resting her head on Javi’s shoulder. “Yeah. Sometimes I feel that way too.” Javi felt his body relax and he put his arm around her back. “I’ve, um, been trying to tell you about this for a while now. It never felt like the right time.”

A question finally came to him. “How much- how far along are you?”

“Two months I think.”

“Two.” Javi blew out a whistle. “Okay.”

“I wasn’t sure at first. I didn’t want to believe it. I mean, what sane person could bring a kid into this world?”

Javi shrugged. “Someone has to. But, you know, the other option is that we go extinct.”

“Do you really think this could go on for another generation?”

“It has to.”

“But, I mean way down the line. Let’s say a half a century from now. It couldn’t really stay like this, could it?” Kate’s voice grew softer and she lifted her head to see Javi.

“I hope not.” He bent and kissed her softly as a sort of truce. Kate smiled against his lips and put her arms around him. They moved apart and listened to each others’ low breaths.

“I don’t think it’s hit me yet,” Javi considered.

“Why?”

“Cause I’m not freaking out yet.”

That made Kate laugh. “It’s fine.” She reached over and guided Javi’s hand to her lower abdomen. “Here. Feel,” she said, holding his hand down.  She was soft as usual, but when he pressed he felt a small hardness just under her skin that hadn’t been there before.

“Wow,” he said, in a bit of shock. He realized what he was touching- who he was touching.  Javi hadn’t given much thought into having kids but now the prospect didn’t seem too scary.

“We should go see Eleanor tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

[audere-est-facerex]

Fly Me to the Moon (Part 2)

Destiel (Castiel/Dean Winchester)

Read on AO3

Chapter 1

Dean feels like an idiot. Like a damn fucking idiot and he hates it. Three weeks, it had been three weeks of flirting and compliments and smiling and winking and Dean had tried fucking everything already and he hadn't made the tiniest bit of progress with Cas. Had he really screw up his chances with a guy because he slipped in one Taylor Swift quote? Like what kind of bullshit was that? So what, he likes Blank Space? Is that really a deal breaker? Like who even does that. It's a damn good song. And Taylor Swift isn't really that bad. What kind of fucked up person makes Taylor Swift a deal breaker?

He knows, deep down, it doesn't all have to do with that one Taylor Swift quote. But he's pissed and frustrated and he has to take it out at something. And his friends notice the mood swings on Dean, they notice how touchy he is and the way that instead of comebacks their jokes are responded with bitch faces. They asked once or twice and every time, Dean gives them the same answer. "I'm fine." To be fair, Dean gets quite scary when he's annoyed.

To top it all off, he seems to be seeing Castiel fucking everywhere. The cafeteria, during class, the hall, the bathroom, the way back home, his head. Principally his head. It's like becoming conscious of blinking—annoying, tiring, and you can't wait until you forget it again. But it seems to be that all that annoyance only makes for Dean to want Cas more and more. And it's crazy. "Dean? Dean!" Victor snaps him back to the table. He rolls his eyes and mumbles what, dismissing him, not taking his eyes of the black haired guy across the room. "Basketball game on Friday. You coming or not?" It was the third—probably fourth—time they asked him.

"Can't. Got stuff to do."

Benny gives Victor a look, they both know him too well to know the only thing that gets him that annoyed is wanting to sleep with someone and not being able to do it. Whoever the bastard is, they better give in fast, because Dean is getting pretty fucking annoying.

Across the room, Balthazar huffs and rolls his eyes as Cas is eating, lost inside his head, thinking of a certain greened eyed, pretty blond. "What?" He raises his eyes from his sandwich and to his friend.

"He's staring again," he says, looking at Dean. And oh, if looks could kill.

Cas turns to look at Dean, who smiles at him. He returns the smile, almost involuntarily, but to be honest, Dean Winchester has one hell of a charming smile. "Just ignore him." It was a bit hypocritical for Cas to say that, he himself knew how hard it was to ignore Dean Winchester, and the task seemed to be more and more difficult every time, as Dean's attention gradually turned more to Castiel. But he was doing pretty good so far. Although Cas didn't know how much longer he could keep it up, and he had no idea how persistent Dean could be. It was a little annoying, Cas couldn't deny that, but it was also quite cute and funny to see how hard Dean was trying. Everything was okay, until they stepped into ballet class. Bro jokes and teasing weren't a problem, but man could Dean Winchester whine. He didn't want to do the exercises or he was tired or he didn't understand or his clothes were too tight—or too loose—or he had forgotten his bottle of water or his feet hurt or he couldn't do the position or… the list went on and on. Cas had tried to be as nice as he possibly could be, but it was hard to try to help someone while being hit on by that person. Sometimes it was sweet, sometimes it made Cas genuinely laugh, but he wasn't quite sure he liked it—on the other hand, he wasn't quite sure he didn't. Although, the idea of being chased by Dean Winchester wasn't all that bad.

"Who the hell does he think he is to be looking at you like that?" Apparently, Balthazar doesn't think so. He has been especially jumpy since Cas told him Dean had walked in on him rehearsing and now he was mad at the world and overly protective. And Cas was getting tired of being treated as a hopeless baby. He loved his best friend, Balthazar was the sweetest guy ever and Castiel and him had been inseparable since they were little, but he sometimes forgot there were lines they weren't supposed to cross. Apparently, today was one of those days, Castiel notices as he feels his best friend's arm wrap around him and pull him close. "Balthazar… it's okay really. We'll just ignore him and that's it." But his comment goes unnoticed, and his best friend just pulls him closer. Cas lets it happen, he's not quite sure he likes it—but he's not quite sure he doesn't. He rests his head on Balthazar's shoulder and starts talking to him mindlessly.

Dean grunts and drops his food, getting up and starting to leave. "Yo buddy aren't you gonna finish that?" Benny asks, but Dean doesn't even turn to look at him, he just keeps walking. "Not hungry."

"The Novak guy?" Victor says, making Benny turn his eyes to him. "Is that who Dean's got the hots for? Gabe's little brother?" He nods at the table across the room and Benny turns to look at the very cuddly couple. Castiel isn't all that popular at school, and he's not really interested in being popular. He usually just hangs out with the same group of friends he's always had and lays low, drawing as little attention to himself as possible. Except for when he dances. From the moment he sets a foot onstage he's filled with drive and passion and confidence. There is nothing on Earth Castiel does better than dancing. And he knows it.

So some people at school recognize him from his performances, after all, watching him dance is something hard to forget, as Dean had recently discovered, but he was mainly known around the school as Gabe's little brother. Gabriel Novak was one of the most popular guys at school—if not the most popular. Charming, handsome, funny, soul of the party, and most importantly: a genius with pranks. And he'd been dating one Sam Winchester for almost six months now.

Back at the cafeteria, Balthazar says something that makes Cas laugh, making Benny and Victor share a look. It's not proper of Dean to go after a guy who's taken. (Castiel and Balthazar had never made their relationship public but cmon. They didn't spend one second of the day without each other, they held hands, they cuddled, they were so a thing). Or, well… someone who's like Castiel at all, so there must be something real special with this kid if it upsets Dean so much that he can't get him.

"Should we like… do something?" Benny asks looking back and forth from the table across the room to his friend sitting in front of him.

"I don't know man, but it's getting annoying."

* Dean is at his usual hiding spot, having a smoke. He's buried so deep into the ongoing battle of feelings and thoughts, things he wishes to ignore, and things he doesn't understand, the annoying well-known pain of a migraine starts crippling upwards from the back of his head. He takes a long blow at his cigarette and closes his eyes, letting the smoke soothe him and trying to clear his thoughts a little. And as it had been happening lately, he can't seem to close his eyes without seeing a certain blue eyed dancer. Dean sighs, running from the thought of the dark haired guy for a second. He was overwhelmed by an overflow of emotions and he had no idea why he was so upset. But it was a little frustrating to think that after so many efforts Cas hadn't fallen for him yet. Was it really that hard to fall for him? Dean knew he wasn't exactly Prince Charming… but was he really all that bad? Thinking of his reputation made him shrug. He'd always been really proud of it, always thought it was something to brag about, it gave him a name and a story and everyone at school knew him for it. But, for once, he wishes Cas didn't know him for his reputation, but for who he really was. Not that it was much of anything whatsoever, but he wasn't exactly the heartless, ruthless, son of a bitch everyone made him to be. And he was tired. He was scared that the name he had made for himself would scare Cas away.

He's so lost into himself he doesn't even hear the footsteps nearing him, it's not until a heavy shadow falls upon him that he turns to see the silhouette of the person standing in front of him. Bringing a hand up to shield his eyes, he sees a familiar, nameless face. But the plain sight of it makes Dean's stomach knot with rage. "Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here?" Dean isn't in the mood for bullshit.

"Just keep your hands off what isn't yours, Winchester."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. You really think a guy like Cassie would want anything to do with a guy like you? That's pathetic. You're bad news and Cassie doesn't need you. He doesn't need your trouble. Stay away from him." And he walks away.

Dean has never wanted to punch someone in the face so bad.

* Dean avoids Cas for the rest of the week.

Every time they run into each other in the hallway, the bathroom, during class, instead of winking or waving or slipping in some cheesy pickup line, Dean turns away. He looks the other way, he walks away, he sits on the other corner of the room. Leaving Cas with small, awkward, expectant smiles. When Cas waves, he pretends he didn't see anything. If he says hi, Dean storms out of the room. And Cas doesn't like it. He feels awkward and self conscious, and he doesn't exactly know why but he misses it. Not just the attention, but Dean's presence. The days feel lonely and Cas just wants for them to end and go home. On the other hand, he also kinda can't wait for ballet class. There's no way Dean will ignore him at ballet class… right? Cas shrugs when he sees Dean turn and walk the other way when they're about to run into each other. His stomach feels uneasy. Damn it this week is going to be long.

Ballet class finally comes, and when the bell rings letting everyone out of class, a certain blue eyed dancer runs as fast as he can to the nearest bathroom to change. Cas had never spent so much time making sure he looked good on his tights. But after looking at himself in the mirror for long enough to make him start looking weird and out place, he fixes his hair one last time and walks into the ballet room, practicing what he's going to say to Dean when he comes in, thinking of a way he could reach out for him without it being weird. When Dean walks in the room, wearing a perfect poker face, Cas can't decide between waving or saying hi so he does both. Dean ignores both and Cas tries to convince himself he didn't see him and everything will be back to normal during class. There's only one problem: there's nothing. No winks, no smirks, no cheesy pickup lines. Not even a friendly smile, not even whining. Dean is dead silent. Everyone notices the sudden change, and Dean can hear the chitchat about it but he literally couldn't care less, he's too tired and too annoyed to care. So let them talk all they want, it's not gonna change anything.

And damn does Cas notice. The room is full of people but it feels empty and awfully lonely. He goes through the motions, moving like the perfect little statue he is and Dean doesn't even look his way. It's weird. And it makes him feel uneasy and uncomfortable with himself. The atmosphere is awfully heavy and loaded with tension, with a bunch of unsaid feelings radiating from Dean, and the air is also stained by Castiel's own feelings. Those weird sensations that make his stomach feel funny when he thinks about Dean. The black matter and space dust inside of him full of little constellations he cannot seem to find or understand. The only thing Cas is sure of, though, is that he misses Dean's presence around him when it's not there.

When the class is over the teacher calls them both to speak to them. Cas sighs in relieve, this is his chance, there's no way Dean can ignore him now. "Dean, I'm surprised with how much progress you've made. I'm really happy with that," she starts, smiling and trying to catch Dean's eye, but he seems lost in his thoughts. And, as Cas discovers, Dean can ignore him, even now. "However, for the upcoming presentation everything has to be perfect, so I wanted you to stay with Castiel to check out the choreography so he can help you with any doubts you have."

Cas smiles at Dean, who just looks straight ahead, still very much ignoring him. "Sure, I can do that."

"Great. I'll check out the progress made next class. See you guys then. Have a nice weekend."

The half-empty room finishes emptying itself. Cas turns at Dean, who is seemingly still ignoring him, and clears his throat, looking for something to say. He finds he's forgotten every single word in the English language. He looks down at his hands that seem awkward and out of place and he moves in his spot, turning back at Dean. Yep, he's still ignoring him. Cas sees the seconds go by impossibly slowly and begs for Dean to say something. But he doesn't. And time doesn't stop but it simultaneously doesn't go any faster so Cas blurts out the only thing he can think of. "Hey…"

"Oh so now you're talking to me? Your boyfriend let you do that?" Dean snaps, making Cas raise his eyebrows and open his mouth to speak, but he's speechless. What?

"Okay… uh… well uh… see… I don't know what's bothering you so much but I don't have a boyfriend." Dean turns to look at him for the first time all day and he just rolls his eyes. "Dean… I don't know what's going on or what I did but—"

Dean cuts in. "Seriously? You don't have a boyfriend? You just cuddle in the middle of the cafeteria with the first cute guy with a British accent that looks at you right I guess." He shrugs, not even knowing himself what is bothering him so much, but he's mad. And he's confused. And he wants it to stop.

Cas tilts his head in confusion, of all the stages of cute Dean he's seen so far—and he's seen quite a few—, this one is definitely the cutest. Pouty and grumpy and just plain adorable. He smiles to himself and represses the urge to laugh a little. "Balthazar?" Cas frowns softly, then smiles again, "Dean, he's just my best friend. And he's French, not British," the statement makes Dean roll his eyes so hard he gives himself a headache and Cas silently curses himself from talking too much. He clears his throat and tries again, "really, he's not my boyfriend."

Grumpy Dean rolls his eyes yet again. "Does he know that?"

"Of course he knows that. We've been best friends since we were little and we've always been there for each other. So, yeah, maybe we spend a lot of time together and we cuddle and whatever. But we're just friends, Dean, nothing could ever happen between us. It would be too awkward… we know so much about each other… he's my best friend and I love him. Just not in that way." He smiles softly. "And let's get one thing settled, I'm not a cafeteria cuddle whore. If you want to cuddle me you have to buy me lunch first."

A little bit against his will, Dean smiles for a fraction of a second before strapping on the poker face again and returning to the subject, thus feeling his whole body being filled with rage little by little again. "You say he's not your boyfriend but you treat him like he is," Dean sighs and rolls his eyes. Cas had never met someone who did that so much. "You know what it's stupid. Do whatever the fuck you want."

"Dean…"

"No, seriously. You go ahead and play boyfriends with that asshole, not that it even matters. But just for the record, you can do better."

A sigh falls off Castiel's mouth. "I don't have to do better because we're not a couple. No matter how much couple-y stuff we do. He's just my best friend and you—" not until then it hits him. Cas frowns and tilts his head full of curiosity. "Are you jealous?"

Dean straightens and stiffens in his spot. "What? Pff of course not! Wh-jealous? Why would I be jealous?"

Laughter starts pouring out of Cas's mouth. But it isn't mocking, mean laughter like Dean had expected, no. It's just pure, joyful, funny laughter. And it makes Dean smile, no matter how hard he tries not to. "You're jealous!" He squeals and laughs a little more, which makes Dean start laughing.

"No I'm not!" He says trying to keep a straight face—and failing. And as Cas keeps laughing Dean can't help but imitate. "Shut up." They laugh a bit more. Then they laugh a lot more. And it actually feels damn good to let go of all the awkward unwanted tension.

Laughter goes hysterical when Cas starts tickling Dean. "Oh stop!" Dean says, on the verge of tears, stomach aching from all the laughing, until he starts his own counter attack that chases Cas off to the floor, taking him down, and making him laugh and giggle and squeal and let out little screams that are the cutest thing Dean has ever heard. Dean climbs on top of him and tickles him a bit more, not minding how many times Cas asks him to stop. When Dean looks into Cas's eyes, the tickling stops. They're both lying on the floor, one on top of the other, all messy and sweaty and heavy breathing and having the longest staring contest ever as Dean ever so slowly leans so close to Cas, he can feel his warm breath tickle and caress his skin. So close, their lips brush when Dean speaks in a whisper. "So what if I am?"

And they kiss.

Cas's heart stops at the mere sense of being complete he gets from having Dean on top of him, he becomes conscious of every spot their bodies are touching and decides they're not enough, so he throws his arms around Dean's neck and pulls him close, feeling his strong arms embrace him and grab him by the waist, making him feel protected and safe. Their lips dance and move and slowly, they build up into one another with soft strokes and slow, but hungry movements and the sweetest poison that is Dean's taste. Castiel can't get enough. That's why he dismisses it when his lungs cry for air and pulls the other guy closer, digging his hands into the sandy, silky, blond mess of a desert Dean's hair is. Playing with it and pulling ever so softly at it, being rewarded by the sweetest sounds coming from Dean's mouth and pressed against his own. And damn, that's a kiss.

They part, even messier and sweatier and heavy breathing intensified, but they don't have time to think about it because Dean pulls his little dancer in for some more of those sweet lips.

Before they even know it, their "rehearsal" hour is almost over, but they couldn't care less. Sitting on the floor, laughing and kissing and talking and touching. The hour comes and goes, along with many others.

Aaaah these two idiots finally kissed, and jealous Dean! I loooove it. Next chapter is about halfway done and should be posted soon. Thanks for the likes and reblogs <3 

-Sofia :D

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Dark 3

A/n: dark themes. Dark!Gabriel. 

Words; 2,671

Link to Chapter 3

Pairings: Gabriel x OFC

___________

Walking back into the house Ellie as fuming! She knew that she needed to calm down before Gabriel saw her but it was too late. The archangel was standing looking at her with a dark look in his honey eyes. He looked between her and the front door before looking back to Ellie.

“Sugar, come here.”

He said in a calm voice that was laced with jealousy. Ellie walked over not fighting when Gabriel’s hands gently cupped her face. Right away she enjoyed the feeling of his warm hands on her face.

“What did they do to you sugar?”

Gabriel asked softly. Ellie knew that Gabriel was holding back a sense of rage that he was keeping held back. From the time that he had came back to her until now Gabriel didn’t have much of a sense of patience. He had been snarky and beyond inpatient with her plenty of times but from the look in his eyes Ellie could clearly see that he cared for her. Again her mind went to the urge to have Gabriel say I love you.

Sam, Dean, and Bobby walked back into the house freezing seeing Ellie with Gabriel yet again. Gabriel turned looking at them coldly. He turned facing the three with almost a foreign look on his face. Gabriel kept Ellie held protectively against him

“Gabe let it go.”

She said softly. Gabriel looked back to her with that expression that sent chills down Ellie’s back. It was the expression that he gave her when he went into his off the reservation side. Ellie’s fingers traced over the exposed section of his forearms. Even though by all standards Gabriel was not the archangel that he was when Lucifer stabbed him all that time ago Ellie had found ways to get her Gabriel back.

Ellie soothingly stroked her fingers over his arms again before leaning closer.

“Gabriel, stop. Come on. I need to talk to you without an audience.”

Gabriel looked down at Ellie with an adoring smile. He didn’t need to be told twice before following her to their bedroom.

“So are you going to tell me what they said to you? Let me guess…you can’t date him! Gabriel is dangerous! You’re a human. He’s an angel! It’s wrong! Its immoral!”

Ellie didn’t look up for a moment.

“Pretty much.”

When she did look up Ellie knew that she was reading her mind. Ellie typically hated when Gabriel read her mind and most of the time he was nice enough to oblige to her wishes. Today, however, was not one of those days.

“Pretty boy Dean is wrong about one thing princess. I am not going to let you get caught up in one of my pranks or games. I have taken better care of you than those asshats ever have. I am flattered that you stood up for me, for us, the way you did. So are you going to kick me to the side now or are you going to go against your daddy stay with me?”

Ellie stood up not fighting when Gabriel pulled her back into his arms.  

“Do you really think I would let them tell me what to do?”

Gabriel shrugged.

“There are a lot of questions that I have right now? Why did those giant pains in the ass resurface after abandoning you for months? How is your father alive? What am I supposed to do about my nephew? Why does he act like Cas? Is my brother really his father? What fucking planet am I on?”

Ellie’s mouth dropped as she remembered the nephilim. She had been so lost in her on misery that she had forgotten all about the nephilim child that had been plaguing her research and thoughts.

“Oh my goodness I forgot all about the kid! How is he?”

Gabriel shrugged.

“Seems nice enough I suppose. He isn’t trying to burn the world down or screaming satanic stuff at me. Like I said he seems like Castiel. I am actually okay with that. I just don’t know if I want to get involved with all of this crazy or not.”

Ellie was quiet for a few moments before looking back to her boyfriend. Gabriel had walked across the room and was looking out the window.

“Gabriel, I know that you haven’t been the same since Lucifer hurt you. I know that hurt you in ways more than physically and you aren’t in a place to admit it yet and that’s okay. This kid though….I think there is good there. Things that we need to fight for.”

Gabriel looked back at her with a dark expression.

“I don’t think you all realize how difficult and dangerous this is going to be. All of heaven and hell is going to be looking for this kid. Sweetheart, I have seen some scary ass shit that I will never even admit to you. I think you realize that I have been around for a very very long time. I know what lies beneath and above. I may not be part of the God squad anymore but I can tell you word for word what I going down in heaven right now. It isn’t pretty FYI. You and those steroid riddled lads downstairs don’t realize the full fight you all have a head of you. Call me selfish but I don’t want to put you in danger.”

Ellie sighed.

“Gabriel I am not especially delicate. I am a hunter. I know this road is going to be hard. Gabriel you have stood up to your brother once….”

Gabriel chuckled.

“Yeah and you saw where that got me…DEAD!”

Ellie took a gentle breath.

“Gabriel, you need to calm down. When you get upset you get irrational.”

As soon as she said it Ellie regretted her choice of words as the lights in the house flickered. Gabriel looked at her only blinking. He looked as though he was trying to make sure that he had heard everything that she had said correctly.

“Irrational? IRRATIONAL?!!! Really Ellie?!! Really? You’re the human who just said that you are not especially delicate. Do you know how IRRATIONAL that sounds?!!! Oh Jesus Christmas lady!!! You are irrational thinking that you could even face the likes of my brother or even a fucking cupid for that matter! You couldn’t even stand up to me if I was letting you win! You are the human that will sprain her ankle getting in or out of a car. I have seen you do it! I spend most of my time making sure that you don’t die of a paper cut! You won’t be able to take care of that kid.”

Ellie looked down biting her lip trying to hold back the venom threatening to spill from her mouth. She finally looked back up to her lover who looked ready to come completely unhinged.

“It is always going to come down that isn’t it Gabriel? It will always come down to me being a human and you being an angel. I used to be a decent hunter before you came along and I am more than capable to take on a cupid. That’s insulting.”

Gabriel growled.

“Call it as I see it!”

Ellie turned to walk out of the room but was stopped when Gabriel tossed her across the room and back on to the bed.

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

“Fuck off Gabriel.”

Ellie said coldly as she stood up. Gabriel growled again this time going after her physically but froze the moment that she pulled an archangel blade from the side of the bed.

“Holy fuck sugar! You have been sleeping with that in our bed?!!!! You could have killed me!”

Ellie blinked.

“Pretty impressive for a girl that can’t take on a cupid or that you have to save from dying from a paper cut huh? Gabriel I am done with you being borderline abusive. If you can’t behave don’t come back”

She turned walking from the room without another word leaving the archangel looking after her.

Walking back into the kitchen Ellie smiled seeing Jack sitting at the table. He gave her a polite smile when she walked in. Immediately his smile made her think of Gabriel.

“You must be Jack.”

He nodded.

“You must be Ellie.”

Ellie nodded with a polite smile wondering where Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Cas had disappeared to?

“Can I get you anything?”

She asked politely. What was she supposed to give a nephilim to eat or drink? Did he eat or drink? Did he even sleep or was he like Gabriel who would be awake all the time?

“No thank you. I brought a snack.”

Jack snapped his fingers making a candy bar appear out of nowhere. Ellie again smiled thinking of Gabriel. Her heart sank in away wishing that their argument didn’t just happen. This action Jack had done would have made his uncle proud beyond measure. Ellie internally chuckled at the thought no DNA test would be needed for this family.

“He’s going to calm down.”

Ellie looked back to the boy.

“Excuse me?”

Jack frowned.

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have read your mind. That was probably rude. Gabriel is just mad…he’ll calm down.”

Ellie sat down across from Jack. The thought of discussing her and Gabriel’s love life with his nephew seemed a bit odd. Especially seeing as the nephew really wasn’t as old as he seemed….there had to be some kind of weird thing about not doing this.

“Its okay. We are just bad about shouting crap we don’t mean at each other.”

Jack looked thoughtful a moment.

“Then why do you both do it?”

Ellie looked like she was under a microscope for a moment before regaining her calm composure.

“Sometimes people do a lot of things they don’t mean when they are angry. Sometimes you say or do things to the person that you love more than anyone else that you really shouldn’t. That is my fault I suppose. I let Gabriel’s snark get the better of me.”

Jack took a nibble of his candy bar again looking thoughtful. Ellie noted the faces that he made as he thought.

“Well he did kind of ask for what he got. He loves you though.”

Ellie looked down at her lap. She wanted to believe the kid in front of her.

“Wish he would say that.”

Jack smiled.

“It appears that angels can be stubborn.”

Ellie laughed as she stood walking to the refrigerator trying to decide what she was going to throw together for dinner. Even thought she was mad at her family they would still need to eat and the last thing that she wanted was for Dean to be destroying her kitchen.

“You have just summed that up perfectly kid.”

Before they could continue the conversation Sam and Dean walked in from another room. Sam glanced over at Jack carefully before letting his eyes go back to Ellie.

“Jack can you go in the living room? We need to talk to Ellie.”

Jack nodded and walked out of the room shoving the remainder of the candy bar in his mouth.

Ellie turned on the stove before taking a thawing chicken out of the refrigerator. Sam and Dean didn’t move instead they just stood watching her.

“So are you two gonna talk to me or just watch me like a bunch of creepers?”

Dean cleared his throat sitting down.

“So you good?”

Ellie looked up holding a butcher knife before sitting it down. She didn’t want to start cutting this chicken out of anger and not have properly cut pieces.  

“Yeah I am just swell.”

Sam gave Dean a what the hell was that expression.

“We wanted to talk to you about the conversation that we had earlier. We were out of line.”

Dean said calmly. Ellie raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah you both were.”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“So what is this whole sex without the vessel thing?”

Ellie’s face went pale.

“Excuse me?”

Dean gave Sam a confused expression. He knew that they were going to be bringing this up to Ellie but he didn’t want it to just be blurted out. What the hell was Sam thinking?

“You heard me. We saw you researching it on your laptop. What are you and Gabriel doing?”

Sam asked his voice getting dangerously low. Ellie looked at her ex carefully.

“That is none of your business.”

Sam scoffed angrily.

“It is totally all of our business! Do you realize how dangerous and deadly this is?! What are you trying to do get one up on Lucifer and have a nephilim too? Gabriel could kill you!”

Ellie laughed.

“Yeah Sam that is exactly what we are doing. We are trying  to start a little cozy family of our own. What the fuck?! Do you really think that I would willingly let him knock me up?”

Dean stood, cutting Sam off.

“We have to ask. You have to see our concern. Your banging an angel without his vessel so its like his angel condom is gone and now…Ellie you a smart girl. You can put two and two together! You now what will happen if you actually see Gabriel. You’ll be dead. That is why we are worried.”

Ellie groaned. Why the hell did she leave her laptop open? She should have known that they would have been nosing around.

“First off Gabriel takes my vision away so we don’t have to risk that. Second, I can’t get pregnant even if I wanted to…not after last time.”

Both Sam and Dean’s mouths dropped. Dean held a hand up.

“Last time? With who?! I’ll kill him! What happened?!”

Ellie sighed.

“Ask your brother…oh wait he doesn’t know because….YOU LEFT ME SAM!”

Sam’s mouth was hanging open and was deathly pale.

“Ellie…I…”

Ellie rolled her eyes as she looked back to Dean.

“That’s right Dean. Sam knocked me up then ditched me. Don’t kick his ass too hard because he didn’t know. I’ll give him that. He had no clue. I didn’t know either…not until I started bleeding like someone stabbed me from the inside out. Long story and a lot of gross details later I miscarried and the doctor said it would be a miracle if I ever had a baby again. Sam it isn’t your fault. You would have known if you hadn’t gotten the hell out of town that night. You were trying to save me from yourself and you didn’t. You both are so concerned with Gabriel hurting me and you don’t take into account all of the damage that you have caused.”

Ellie looked back to the chicken that was sitting in front of her. Sam and Dean were both silent for a moment. Neither knew what to say…especially Sam. He couldn’t look away from Ellie. His heart was twisted into a million different pieces now. If he had known that she was pregnant he wouldn’t have left! He would have stayed with her through everything.

Now he had little to no chance to ever getting Ellie back. She loved Gabriel. The archangel had come in and fixed all the things that Sam had destroyed. Gabriel, however, had seemed to destroy some of Ellie too in his own way.

“Ellie…”

Dean said calmly. Ellie shook her head.

“Just get out of my kitchen. I need some time alone.”

Dean didn’t move.

“Ellie, please.”

Ellie looked up with tear filled eyes.

“NOW!”

___________

@greenappleeyes

@sumara62

@tas898

@jannalionheart

@thewhiterabbit42

@sherala007

@everyjourneylove

[teenagezombiegentlemen]

A/N: i hope you enjoy this! it certainly brought a smile to my face despite the angst.

im not really happy with my writing in this chapter, but...

wait. i liked the chapter but not the writing. how crazy it sounds?

@ohsnapitzmoony​ @sandsailer @allthingssweetness

if anyone wants to be reminded when there’s an update, just let me know and I’ll tag you here, :)

Summary: After things settle down in Richmond, Clementine is ready to go look for AJ once again. But she’s not going alone.

1 | 2 | 3

building for tomorrow

Usually the smartest thing to do when a herd is involved, Clem knows, is to find a way to run from it. Put as much distance from the walkers as possible.

But she would never run if facing a herd is what stands between her and being reunited with AJ. She needs the goofball back, can’t pretend she doesn’t. It’s been too long. More than enough.

She wonders, for a brief, painful moment, if this is how Lee felt when she was kidnapped in Savannah. No matter how long it’s been behind her, she wouldn’t be able to forget the strange man who kept a walker head inside a bag. Used to speak with it, too. It makes her shiver just by thinking back.

“What’re we going to do to get through them?” Gabe asks in a small, quiet voice. He’s learning fast, she thinks with a smile. A walker can still smell them if it gets close enough, but she’s damn sure it won’t hear them.

“Let me think for a minute,” she answers, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Killing the walkers one by one is out of question. She remembers doing it more than once before, but only when there are ten walkers tops.

Old-fashioned method of covering themselves in guts could work, but they’d need to get close to at least one walker first. That didn’t seem like a very likely option when the things are all huddled up together, shouldering past each other against the fences of the ranch.

Gabe nudges her shoulder, a thoughtful expression on his face, but says nothing.

“What?” she asks, exasperated.

“Well, I think I…I have an idea. How good are you at climbing?”

Clementine sighs. “Climbing what?”

“Trees,” Gabe answers with a shrug, his cheeks coloring a little. He gestures around them with one hand before saying, “There are tons of trees surrounding us. If we use them, we can get past the fences and into the ranch.”

This time, it’s her face that colors slightly. “I had a treehouse, before the walkers. And…and when L—I mean, when I first found survivors, I was hidden up in the trees. But it’s been a long time.”

“You think we can try, though?”

“I don’t really think we have other options,” she says with a sigh, running her hands over her face. When they start preparing to climb the nearest tree, she blurts, “You know, I once met this woman. Molly, I think. She was a great climber. She had this tool that helped her around, and she even named it.”

Gabe jumps up and up and up in the tree, offering her a hand all the while. “Yeah? What happened to her?”

Just don’t think about what you’re doing, she tells herself, repeating it like a mantra. It doesn’t matter that it’s been a long time, she still can do this sort of thing.

“I have no idea,” she answers Gabe, focusing on their conversation. “She left our group without saying anything. Never heard of her again.”

“That’s a good thing,” he tells her with a small smile, encouraging her to keep going. “Means she can still be alive, right?”

“Yeah, maybe.” When her eyes search for the ranch again, she has to suppress a gasp. They moved a lot, and are definitely getting closer to their destination, the herd and AJ. “But there’s something I know for sure—the last time I was on a farm, it was bad. So be prepared for anything.”

“Bad?” Gabe’s voice wavers. He clears his throat the next second, and she smiles at how he really wants to look strong. “How bad? What I should be prepared for?”

“Anything,” she repeats. “I mean it.”

He nods. “But what happened?”

“I…we were starving. There just wasn’t any food left, and people were starting to fight,” she tells him, closing her eyes for a moment when the memories threaten to overwhelm her. “Until this family appears, out of nowhere. They wanted to trade something—gas, I think. They swore they had lots of food, enough to feed our entire group for months.”

When she pauses, her eyes still closed, her body refusing to move to the next tree, Gabe approaches her quietly. He touches her hand with his, just a small sort of contact.

“And then?”

“We went with them, of course,” she continues. “Once we got on the farm, they wanted help with some things. It was fine. But…but then a guy got hurt. The family said they would help him, make sure he got better. But when we asked if we could stay with him, see if he was alright, they wouldn’t let us. My—uh…Lee…one of the guys in our group figured out what was happening by the time dinner was served.”

“What dinner has to do with anything?”

Clementine smirks at him—though there is hardly any humor in her face. “He—the injured man—was dinner. If it weren’t for Lee, I’d have eaten his flesh and never realized the truth.”

All color leaves Gabe’s face—and he swallows one, two, three times.

“What?!” he asks in a shrill, high-pitched voice. “The guy was dinner!”

“Keep your voice down,” she hisses, eyes flying to the herd again. It’s so much closer to them, but the walkers are still unaware of their presence. Dinner.

“But they ate a person!” Gabe exclaims, though his voice lowers a little. “How—why—I mean…why would someone eat a person?”

Clementine shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. I only said that to prove a point—which is, keep your eyes open and stay sharp. We don’t know what we’re going to find on that ranch.”

Though Gabe remains silent, she can almost hear his thoughts—I don’t want to become dinner, I don’t want to be eaten…

She didn’t find it funny back then—and she really doesn’t find cannibalism funny now either—but it’s…amusing how life can suck sometimes. It’s like they have two choices—be eaten by a dead monster who was human once upon a time; or be eaten by someone that’s still human but acts like a monster.

Their conversation is cut short when they reach the fence, the walkers right under their feet. Clem barely breathes at all. She looks at Gabe in the eye, and gestures for him to start climbing to the inside of the property.

He does, his face pale and sweaty. The moment his feet hit the ground with a dull thud!, she smiles.

But when it’s her turn, one of her legs is already over the fence and her heartbeat is crazy and—

A walker grabs her ankle. And tugs her down, surprisingly strong for someone whose limbs are pretty much rotten.

She wants to scream. But still, her instincts are stronger, and her mouth just hangs open, no sound coming out at all. If she screams, more walkers will notice her. And if that happens, it’s over. She’s done.

But she isn’t done just yet.

Something—someone, possibly Gabe—kicks the walker through the fence and pulls her to him at the same time, successfully saving her from the walker’s clutches.

Or kind of.

Since the thing’s hand is still attached to Clementine’s ankle. She kicks it angrily with her free leg, and the hand lands on the other side of the fence, in the middle of the walkers. They are not even startled by it, the stupid things.

“Damn,” she whispers, taking a deep breath. When she looks at Gabe, he’s completely unsettled, staring at the walkers, breathing in ragged puffs of air. “Gabe, it’s okay now. Thanks. You…thanks.”

He shakes his head. “I-I n-never touched one of t-them before.”

Carefully, Clementine wraps her hand around his, trying to ground him to reality. When it doesn’t work, she tiptoes a little to get taller and kisses his cheek.

She’s careful not to allow it to last more than three seconds, but it has the desired effect nonetheless—Gabe stops staring at the walkers to move his bewildered gaze to her, and his face colors.

“Wow…” he says, touching his cheek with two fingers. “Can you do it again?”

Clementine blushes—but still manages to roll her eyes at him. “Yeah, maybe some other time. If you’re lucky.”

Sometimes, she feels like Jane is still with her. Whispering what to do, how to act around boys. It’s…scary. But she’s grateful for Jane’s presence. Real or imaginary.

“Come on now,” she says, gesturing to the ranch ahead of them. The path is clear, every walker behind them. For now. She has no idea how long the fence will hold them—her history with fences is that they’re never really good—but it’ll have to do. The mission is go to the ranch, take AJ, get out, go back to Richmond. Easy.

After they’ve walked for a while—and the small, wooden house is near—Gabe whispers, “It’s super quiet now, isn’t it? I can’t hear the muertos anymore.”

“Better this way.” She shrugs. “But if it makes you feel better, we’ll need to get past them again once we grab AJ.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make me feel better at all.”

“We can check the barn later, see if there’s a car here or something. I need a car anyway.”

Gabe pauses—and when she stops walking to look at him, he’s staring at the ground like it was personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happened to him.

“Gabe?”

“You’re going to leave, then?” he asks—almost accuses her, the hurt flowing freely in his voice. “After everything…after everything we’ve been through, you’re just going to leave us?”

“No!” she exclaims, raising her hands. “I just…of course I won’t leave. Javi already made me promise to stay. It’s just that having a car is important. I’ve been looking for one—this way, I can go to other places more safely. Get supplies. And stuff.”

“Not like it matters to me anyway,” he mutters, shouldering past her. “Let’s just…keep walking.”

Clementine frowns and runs to catch up with him. “Gabe, I’m really not going to leave. Why are you acting like that?”

“You’re not going to leave because Javi asked you to stay. Even…even if Kate asked, you’d probably listen to her.”

“Yeah. I would. And that’s a bad thing because—?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It clearly does!”

He comes to a halt, almost making her run into his back. When he turns to finally look at her, Clementine can swear there are tears in his eyes.

“It…I’m just never enough, am I? If I asked…it’d be different,” he mumbles, covering his face with both hands. “Look at how well it went I asked Dad to stay. People just…people just don’t stay for me.” His accent gets thicker the more nervous he gets—and by the end of his last sentence, Clementine can barely hear what he’s saying.

But she does hear his words. And it hurts her to see someone like that. Especially because, really, she doesn’t understand it. If people are staying, they are staying. It doesn’t matter who asked.

Gabe reminds her of Sarah—so easily hurt, so open about everything.

She used to do everything for Sarah, didn’t she? But what usually cheered the girl up? She can’t remember. Too many bad memories muddling up the good ones.

Taking a deep breath, taking a leap of faith really, she walks closer to him, her hand coming to rest on his dirty cheek. Looking at them now, though, they are both dirty. Covered in mud and dry leaves and blood from their scratches.

“I…” she swallows, trying to make the words get the hell out of her mouth. “I always thought…I’d be alone.”

His eyes jump to hers, and she swallows again. God, why is this so hard? Why her legs feel like they’re going to make her fall on her knees from their shaking?

But she needs to do this. For him and for her. She opens her fingers over his cheek, caressing it like Christa and Omid used to do with each other. So long ago. How is it that she even remembers little things?

“I always thought I’d be alone,” she repeats, keeping herself focused. “Then I met you.”

It’s not something she was planning. Not at all. Especially not after all of Javi’s teasing and Kate’s knowing looks. But still, Javi and Kate and everyone is far from her mind when she gently pulls his face towards hers, closing her eyes after he closes his. Then she touches her lips to his.

Differently from what she had thought, it’s…weird. Not kissing him, but kissing. It’s wet. And different. She never ever touched her lips to someone else’s, had absolutely no idea what to expect from it.

But the thoughts fly out of her mind when she realizes just what she’s doing. She’s actually, honestly kissing someone. Gabe. She just never…she was being honest with him, before. She never thought about this sort of thing. But it just felt so natural, fitting.

Wet and odd or not, it was still nice. A good memory to treasure among so many bad ones. She hopes it’ll become a good memory to Gabe, too.

Finally, when she doesn’t know what to do with herself anymore, she breaks their contact. He doesn’t let her go completely away though, not yet. Instead, he does something that, to her, seems like instinct alone—he bumps their noses together, earning a smile from her.

“That…” he whispers after bumping their noses one more time and letting go of her free hand. “That…did you mean it, Clem?”

Clementine nods, not finding her voice just yet. Then, after clearing her throat, she answers, “I’m more serious right now than I’ve ever been.”

“Wow.” A smile covers his entire face and he looks—he looks…like he’s glowing with happiness or something. She feels a strange bubble in her heart, too. Something that she never felt there before. Clem doesn’t have a name for it, though. “Wow, Clem.”

When he offers her his hand to hold, it’s shaking so much. She looks down at hers to see it shaking, too. How…how is it that her body can react like this? It never reacted like this to anything. Never.

Smiling to cover her sudden nervousness over her acts, she grabs his hand and they start moving again. If they find AJ today…then she doesn’t think her heart had ever been this happy. It never really had the time to be happy.

She thinks that maybe, maybe now she understands Kate better. Why she clings to Javi every time she can, why the two of them are always together. But she also understands what feeling like this regarding someone means—they could be separated at any time, for any reason at all.

Look at Christa and Omid, Luke and Jane, Kenny and Katjaa. It’s always like that.

Her heart aches at her pessimist thoughts, and she honestly tries to brush them off. Crush her fears. But when it doesn’t happen, she just tells herself that all it means is that they need to enjoy the time they have.

She thinks about the good memories they already have—and the new ones to come. They’ll have to be enough, won’t they?

With everything inside her hurting, she squeezes his hand as tightly as she can.

“Are you…okay?” Gabe asks, pausing for a second to look at her.

“I’m okay,” she promises, nudging him so they can keep moving. “Just thinking about old things.”

Old friends.

Who aren’t coming back.

“You want to talk about it?” he offers with a smile.

But shakes her head. There are a few things…that she’s just not ready not share yet. Maybe one day she’ll be able to tell him what she’s afraid of, how she doesn’t want history to keep repeating itself. But now is not the time.

“Later. After we’re back in Richmond, we can talk about it.”

As an answer to her once again making it clear that yes, she’s going to stay, he squeezes her hand like she did before.

Funny, Clementine realizes, how easy it is to hold hands with someone. There might be walkers everywhere, but she still finds it nice.

The house is so near now—but Clem thinks they are starting to walk slower.

“Can I ask you something?” Gabe suddenly asks, looking down once again.

Feeling bold by their earlier actions, she touches his face again, lightly, until he looks up in her eyes. “You can always ask me anything.”

“Even if it’s silly?”

“Of course.”

“What…what are we going to tell Javi, Dad and Kate?”

She frowns. “I honestly don’t know yet. Maybe we could just keep it quiet for a while? You know, keep it between us. Like it’s…something that’s only ours.”

“I…okay,” he says with a nod. “I like having it as something that’s only ours.”

Clementine returns his nod, and they make it to the house in silence. Once there, she’s all for busting the door open and running inside like a mad woman until she finds her goofball.

But Gabe is more…delicate about it. He knocks.

She’s more than a little surprise when someone actually opens the door—at least a little bit of the door—with a rifle in hand.

“What do you want?” the voice asks. A woman—like Javi had mentioned, right? “Who are you?”

Clem takes a deep breath. “Dr. Lingard told us you were taking care of a little boy. AJ. We’re here to take him back to…the new frontier.”

The last thing Clementine hears before the door is thrown back on her face is a snort, followed by, “I don’t answer to the new frontier for a long time.”